All Spoken / Typed Dialog Narration John Rose Dave Jade Jane Roxy Dirk Jake Aradia Tavros Sollux Karkat Nepeta Kanaya Terezi Vriska Equius Gamzee Eridan Feferi Damara Rufioh Mituna Kankri Meulin Porrim Latula Aranea Horuss Kurloz Cronus Meenah Calliope Caliborn Auto-Responder Doc Scratch Andrew Hussie Mindfang The Condesce Davesprite Jadesprite Rosesprite Jaspersprite Nannasprite Jasprosesprite^2 ARquiusprite Tavrosprite Equiusprite Calsprite Aradiasprite Dragonsprite Tavrisprite Erisolsprite Fefetasprite Mothersprite Becsprite Dad Crocker Nanna Serenity Salamanders Serious Business users Squarewave

Returned 63249 rows

1	A young man stands in his bedroom. It just so happens that today, the 13th of April, is this young man's birthday. Though it was thirteen years ago he was given life, it is only today he will be given a name!
2	What will the name of this young man be?
3	Your name is JOHN. As was previously mentioned it is your BIRTHDAY. A number of CAKES are scattered about your room. You have a variety of INTERESTS. You have a passion for REALLY TERRIBLE MOVIES. You like to program computers but you are NOT VERY GOOD AT IT. You have a fondness for PARANORMAL LORE, and are an aspiring AMATEUR MAGICIAN. You also like to play GAMES sometimes.
4	What will you do?
5	Your ARMS are in your MAGIC CHEST, pooplord!
6	Out of sympathy for John's perceived lack of arms, you pick up the CAKE for him and put it on his BED.
7	You retrieve your FAKE ARMS from the chest. You use these for HILARIOUS ANTICS.
8	You CAPTCHALOGUE them in your SYLLADEX. You have no idea what that actually means though.
9	There are other items in the chest.
10	In here you keep an array of humorous and mystical ARTIFACTS, each one a devastating weapon in the hands of a SKILLED MAGICIAN or a CUNNING PRANKSTER.
11	You are neither of these things.
12	Among the ARTIFACTS are: TWO (2) FAKE ARMS [CURRENTLY CAPTCHALOGUED IN YOUR SYLLADEX], ONE (1) PAIR OF TRICK HANDCUFFS, ONE (1) STUNT SWORD, ONE (1) MAGICIAN'S HAT, ONE (1) PAIR OF BEAGLE PUSS GLASSES, SEVERAL (~) SMOKE PELLETS, SEVERAL (~) BLOOD CAPSULES, and ONE (1) COPY OF COLONEL SASSACRE'S DAUNTING TEXT OF MAGICAL FRIVOLITY AND PRACTICAL JAPERY, and ONE (1) COPY OF HARRY ANDERSON'S "WISE GUY", BY MIKE CAVENEY.
13	Some of this stuff may come in handy at some point. For now, you decide to just take the SMOKE PELLETS.
14	You stow the SMOKE PELLETS on one of your CAPTCHALOGUE CARDS in your SYLLADEX.
15	You still aren't totally sure what that means, but you are starting to get the hang of the vernacular at least.
16	You have two empty CAPTCHALOGUE CARDS remaining.
17	You aren't totally sure if "EQUIP" is a verb copasetic with the abstract behavioral medium in which you dwell, but you give it a try anyway.
18	Unfortunately, you cannot access the FAKE ARMS! Their card is underneath the one you just used to captchalogue the SMOKE PELLETS. You will have to use the pellets first in order to access the arms. But this is probably unadvisable, since you'd just make your room lousy with smoke!
19	Your SYLLADEX'S FETCH MODUS is currently dictated by the logic of a STACK DATA STRUCTURE. You were never all that great with data structures and you find the concept puzzling and mildly irritating.
20	But with any hope, perhaps you will advance new, more practical FETCH MODI for your SYLLADEX with a little more experience.
21	Is it even possible to get any more hard boiled than that? You really doubt it. This poster was one of your wisest purchases.
22	There is a nice spot on the wall next to it. You've been meaning to hang another poster there soon.
23	This note is rich with the aromas of FATHERLY AFTERSHAVES AND COLOGNES.
24	Beside the note is a ROLLED UP POSTER.
25	Another BIRTHDAY ARTIFACT. You wonder what is printed on the poster.
26	You'll need some way to hang it on your wall.
27	You first place the HAMMER into your SYLLADEX.
28	But now all of your CAPTCHALOGUE CARDS are full. You wonder what will happen if you try to take the NAILS?
29	You guess it doesn't hurt to try.
30	You captchalogue FOUR (4) NAILS into the top card, and push all the ARTIFACTS down a card.
31	The FAKE ARMS are pushed entirely out of the deck!!!
32	Oh well. They're probably completely useless anyway. But you probably don't want to do that again, unless you want to drop the SMOKE PELLETS and suffer the consequences.
33	In any case, you now feel like you have gathered enough things to get down to business and do some really important stuff. The next thing you do will probably be exceptionally meaningful.
34	This is the dumbest idea you've had in weeks!!!
35	STUPID STUPID STUPID.
36	And yet the polished surface of your desk...
37	It beckons.
38	You MERGE the top two cards.
39	The HAMMER and NAILS are now captchalogued on the same card and can be used together.
40	You use the HAMMER and NAILS card IN CONJUNCTION with the card beneath it.
41	You use the HAMMER, NAILS, and POSTER on the blank space on the wall.
42	It's glorious. Exactly what you wanted. The old man really came through this time.
43	PUT THE BUNNY BACK IN THE BOX.
44	I SAID, PUT THE BUNNY BACK IN THE BOX.
45	WHY COULDN'T YOU PUT THE BUNNY BACK IN THE BOX?
46	Morgan Freeman's genteel, homespun mannerisms were perfect qualities for a president residing over a crisis.
47	OCEANS RISE. CITIES FALL. HOPE SURVIVES.
48	WOW.
49	Films about impending apocalypse fascinate you. Plus, a black president??? Now you've seen everything!
50	You've marked your birthday, the 13th of April. Another day you marked was supposed to be the arrival date for the highly touted SBURB BETA LAUNCH.
51	It's been three days already. It's starting to become a sore subject with you.
52	You are sick to death of cake!!! You've been eating it all day. And you have no intention of clogging your SYLLADEX with it either. The CAKE stays put for now.
53	You hear a notice from your COMPUTER. Someone is messaging you.
54	You pull up to your COMPUTER. This is where you spend most of your time. You decorated your desktop with some rather handsome WALLPAPER which you made yourself. You are really proud of it.
55	Your desktop is also littered with various PROGRAMMING PROJECT FILES. You are so bad at programming sometimes you wonder why you even bother with it.
56	Your PESTERCHUM application is flashing. Someone is trying to get in touch with you.
57	Only one of your CHUMS is logged in. He's sent you a message.
58	TG: hey so what sort of insane loot did you rake in today
59	EB: i got a little monsters poster, it's so awesome. i'm going to watch it again today, the applejuice scene was so funny.
60	TG: oh hell that is such a coincidence i just found an unopened container of apple juice in my closet it is like fucking christmas up in here
61	EB: ok thats fine, but i just have one question and then a word of caution. have you ever seen a movie called little monsters starring howie mandel and fred savage?
62	TG: but
63	TG: the seal on the bottle is unbroken
64	TG: are you suggesting someone put piss in my apple juice at the factory
65	EB: all im saying is don't you think monster howie mandel has the power to do something as simple as reseal a bottle?
66	EB: try using your brain numbnuts.
67	TG: why did the fat kid or whoever drank it know what piss tasted like
68	TG: i mean his reaction was nigh instantaneous
69	EB: it was the 15th day in a row howie mandel peed in his juice.
70	TG: ok i can accept that
71	TG: monster B-list celebrity douchebags are cunning and persistent pranksters
72	TG: also fred savage has a really punchable face
73	TG: but who cares about this lets stop talking about it
74	TG: did you get the beta yet
75	EB: no.
76	EB: did you?
77	TG: man i got two copies already
78	TG: but i dont care im not going to play it or anything the game sounds boring
79	TG: did you see how it got slammed in game bro????
80	EB: game bro is a joke and we both know it.
81	TG: yeah
82	TG: why dont you go check your mail maybe its there now
83	EB: alright.
84	You see the view of your yard from your window.
85	Hanging from the tree is your TIRE SWING. In a kid's yard, a tree without a tire swing is like a proper gentleman without a monocle. That is to say, HE CAN HARDLY BE CONSIDERED A TERRIBLY PROPER GENTLEMAN AT ALL.
86	And there beside your driveway is the mailbox.
87	The little red arm-swingy-dealy thing or whatever it is called is flipped up!
88	What the hell is that thing called anyway. You do not have time for these semantics. The red flippy-lever thing means you have new mail. And that means the beta might be here!
89	You are about to hurry down stairs when you hear a car pull into the driveway. It looks like your DAD has returned from the grocery store.
90	Oh great. He is beating you to the mail.
91	If you go down stairs to get it, he will likely monopolize hours of your time. You decide to chill out up here for a while until the dust settles.
92	Sometimes you feel like you are trapped in this room. Stuck, if you will, in a sense which possibly borders on the titular.
93	And now your chum is pestering you again. The clockwork of friendship turns ceaselessly, operating the swing-lever dealies of harassment in perpetuity!
94	Whatever. The dude can just hold his damn horses.
95	You've put countless manhours into this assortment of quality titles.
96	You decide to consult with the Colonel's bottomless wisdom. Good grief this thing is huge. It could kill a cat if you dropped it.
97	But to really dig into this hefty book, you will have to captchalogue it. You are not sure you are ready to logjam your other ARTIFACTS beneath it just yet.
98	What did you just say?? You don't want to clog up your...
99	Oh, Jesus. In a momentary lapse of concentration, you accidentally captchalogue the arms again.
100	You don't think the situation is quite dire enough to go all the way to "RANCOROUS", but you still feel the PESTERCHUM client should reflect your mood change in some way.
101	"BULLY" will have to do. You guess.
102	This unsurprisingly does nothing whatsoever.
103	Oh, right, you forgot your chum is still pestering you.
104	|PESTERLOG|
105	TG: is it there
106	TG: plz say yes
107	TG: maybe you can play with TT shes been pestering me all day about it
108	TG: shes mackin on me so hard all the time i start to feel embarrassed for her
109	TG: i mean not that i can blame her or anything
110	EB: yes, it is understandable because you are really attractive. i am attracted to you.
111	TG: thank you
112	EB: jk haha.
113	EB: no, i don't have it yet.
114	EB: my dad has the mail and i guess i have to go get it from him and see if it's there.
115	EB: and i've been busy spending all afternoon shitting around with my stupid sylladex.
116	EB: it's so frustrating.
117	TG: whats your modus
118	EB: what?
119	TG: how do you retrieve artifacts from it
120	EB: oh. like one at a time i guess. and if i put too much in, something falls out.
121	TG: stack?? hahahahahaha
122	EB: what is yours?
123	TG: hash map
124	TG: my bro taught me a few tricks he basically knows everything and is awesome
125	EB: what the hell is that?
126	TG: you should probably brush up on your data structures
127	EB: i guess.
128	TG: did you at least allocate your strife specibus
129	EB: no.
130	TG: it could free up a card for you
131	TG: plus let you attack stuff whenever things get too hot to handle
132	TG: which is never
133	TG: what have you got
134	EB: well, i've got a hammer but it's trapped under some arms.
135	TG: wow you really suck at this dont you
136	TG: just get rid of the arms and then allocate the hammer to the specibus
137	EB: how?
138	TG: i dont know just use the arms on any old thing and see if it works
139	You stick the FAKE ARMS in the CAKE on your bed.
140	This definitely makes the CAKE at least 300% more hilarious. You're sure COLONEL SASSACRE would know the precise index of elevated hilarity.
141	You check the back of your STRIFE SPECIBUS for the KIND ABSTRATUS you have in mind for it.
142	Your STRIFE SPECIBUS has been ALLOCATED with the HAMMERKIND ABSTRATUS.
143	The HAMMER has been moved from your CAPTCHALOGUE DECK to your STRIFE DECK.
144	|PESTERLOG|
145	EB: ok, i did it.
146	TG: hammerkind?
147	EB: yeah.
148	TG: ok that will be the permanent allocation for your specibus
149	TG: i guess i should have mentioned that
150	EB: uh...
151	TG: hope you like hammers dude!
152	EB: yeah, that's fine i guess. i can't imagine it's going to be all that relevant.
153	Now that you've got some space in your SYLLADEX to work with, you figure you might as well start squandering it immediately.
154	Ordinarily this ridiculous book would be way too heavy to carry around in any practical way. You guess maybe this is one respect in which the cards present some convenience.
155	It might come in handy if you ever need something that burns easily.
156	You expend your final card on the MAGICIAN'S HAT.
157	You don't have a free card in your SYLLADEX!
158	However, you are able to MERGE the BEAGLE PUSS with the MAGICIAN'S HAT to create a CLEVER DISGUISE.
159	John? Who is this "John" you speak of? You are quite certain there has never been, nor ever will be...
160	Yeah, this is a really shitty disguise.
161	While you are wearing the items, they remain on the card, but it is temporarily removed from the deck, thus freeing up the cards beneath it.
162	You exit into the HALLWAY.
163	On one wall hangs a picture of a fella who sure knows how to have a laugh, a man after your own heart. You always thought he looked a lot like Michael Cera. But your DAD swears on the many HALLOWED TOMBS of Egypt that it is not. You're not sure about that though.
164	On the other wall is one of your DAD'S stupid clowns. Or HARLEQUINS, as he is quick to correct anyone who would venture such brazen assumption.
165	The accursed odor of fresh baking wafts into your newfound nostrils. Something is brewing in the KITCHEN. It must be the connivings of your arch nemesis, BETTY CROCKER, and the rich, buttery aroma of her plot stinks to high heaven.
166	This mission is going to be more difficult than you imagined.
167	You check out the shelves of FANCIFUL HARLEQUINS.
168	Look at this fucking garbage. You hate this stuff. Funny is funny, but your DAD sure can be a real cornball.
169	Sometimes at night you pray for burglars.
170	A bright orange flame flickers in the FIREPLACE. It doesn't matter that it's April and not terribly chilly outside. In a home, a FIREPLACE needs a fire, because that's what FIREPLACE is for. A fire BELONGS in a FIREPLACE, dammit, cata(ptcha)gorically, at all times, without exception.
171	As domestic myth of unaccountable origin holds, a home borrows the spirit of the flame for as long as it makes a guest of it, much as the moon takes liberty with the sun's rays.
172	"The moon's an arrant thief, and her pale fire she snatches from the sun." -Mark Twain
173	You are almost certain Mark Twain said that.
174	It doesn't burn as quickly as you hoped.
175	Each GAMEBRO MAGAZINE is guaranteed to be printed on 40% recycled asbestos. For big ups to Mother Earth, yo.
176	You examine the SACRED URN containing your departed NANNA'S ASHES.
177	When your father gives her portrait a wistful glance now and then, you can tell it brings back painful memories. A tall bookshelf. A ladder. An unabridged COLONEL SASSACRE'S.
178	He never wants to talk about it.
179	You clumsily mishandle the SACRED URN. Ash is everywhere.
180	In retrospect, upon mulling cinematic tropes regarding ash-filled urns, this outcome was a virtual certainty.
181	You'd probably better clean it up before DAD finds it.
182	You think now would be a good time to beef up your CLEVER DISGUISE.
183	Contemplating what could be inside this package is sort of exciting, but it makes you a little nervous at the same time.
184	Oh hell no.
185	First you prop the HARLEQUIN DOLL up on the couch. Having it in the middle of the floor sprawled out all akimbo like that struck you as unseemly.
186	You captchalogue the ASHES to your available card.
187	You merge the SACRED URN with the ASHES.
188	Most of the ASH is back in the URN, but it's a total mess. Really it probably would have been tidier if you just used a broom and dustpan.
189	No one will be the wiser.
190	Except maybe for people with eyes.
191	You just got another BRILLIANT idea for something to do with those pointless arms. You pry them out of the CAKE and captchalogue them.
192	Looks like PESTERCHUM is acting up again.
193	Another one of your chums is messaging you.
194	TT: I understand you have recently come into possession of the beta release of "The Game of the Year", as featured in respectable periodicals such as GameBro Magazine.
195	EB: that's an ugly rumor.
196	EB: whoever told you that is a filthy liar.
197	EB: and you should probably stop hitting on him all the time or whatever.
198	TT: I can't control myself.
199	TT: I must have a weakness for insufferable pricks.
200	EB: anyway i still haven't checked the mail, my dad has it.
201	EB: i'm trying to go get it from him, so brb
202	TT: John.
203	EB: what?
204	TT: You're wearing one of your disguises now, aren't you?
205	TT: You are typing to me right now while wearing something ridiculous.
206	EB: no, why would you even think that??
207	EB: that's so stupid.
208	TT: Ok.
209	TT: Why don't you go get the game from your father?
210	EB: alright, wish me luck.
211	EB: oh, btw...
212	EB: jk I was wearing a funny disguise this whole time.
213	EB: gotcha! hehehehe
214	TT: I know, John.
215	You can now execute that brilliant idea you had.
216	There should be just enough FROSTING on the FAKE ARMS to serve as an adequate adhesive.
217	Hehehehehehehehe.
218	You don't care what COLONEL SASSACRE says, that makes it AT LEAST a million percent funnier.
219	You put this back in the fire where it belongs.
220	As long as you're cleaning up...
221	You can carry hefty items, but that thing is just way too big. Get real!
222	Besides, you don't even want it.
223	You thought about consulting the text to determine exactly how hilarious the doll is now.
224	But this text is way too big to navigate in a timely fashion. You decide to forget it.
225	The door on the left leads to the KITCHEN, from which the smell of baking wafts -- a powerful aroma which could lift an especially portly hobo off his feet.
226	The door on the right leads to the STUDY, where your DAD spends a lot of time.
227	He could be in either room. Where will you go?
228	It doesn't look like he's in here right now.
229	On the desk is a DECK OF PLAYING CARDS, one of your DAD'S PIPES, the April issue of THE SERIOUS JESTER magazine, and a stray CAPTCHALOGUE CARD.
230	There is also a CAN OF PEANUTS on the desk. Ha ha, oh DAD. You won't be falling for THAT one again any time soon.
231	A severe peanut allergy is a terrible affliction to cope with.
232	You swap the MAGICIAN'S HAT with the BOWLER HAT.
233	This disguise is somewhat less funny, but A LOT more distinguished looking.
234	Your DAD maintains numerous pipes around the household. A father without a pipe is like a strapping roughneck without a toothpick. That is to say, HE IS A RATHER PISS-POOR EXCUSE FOR A ROUGHNECK IF YOU ASK ME.
235	You'd rather not take the PIPE, though. The first one tastes bad enough as it is.
236	How you suffer for your comedy.
237	Yes!!! This will be perfect for expanding the space in your SYLLA...
238	ARGH!!!
239	(Pages including sound will be preceded by [S] in the command.)
240	You play the prankster's favorite card game, even though you are alone in the room, thus rendering it an especially foolish version of Solitaire.
241	SO STUPID. Look at this mess.
242	The peanut gallery over there sure is getting a kick out of it. You are allergic to their scorn.
243	You go back into the LIVING ROOM and contemplate checking the mailbox outside. You think perhaps you should exhaust all possibilities before plunging headlong into a DAD encounter.
244	Your TELEVISION is currently airing a COMMERCIAL.
245	You exit the house.
246	Predictably, the mailbox is empty. You have already been scooped by your father.
247	The streets are empty. Wind skims the voids keeping neighbors apart, as if grazing the hollow of a cut reed, or say, a plundered mailbox. A familiar note is produced. It's the one Desolation plays to keep its instrument in tune.
248	It is your thirteenth birthday, and as with all twelve preceding it, something feels missing from your life. The game presently eluding you is only the latest sleight of hand in the repertoire of an unseen riddler, one to engender a sense not of mirth, but of lack. His coarse schemes are those less of a prankster than a common pickpocket. His riddle is Absence itself. It is a mystery dispersing altogether, like the moon's faint reflection, with even one pebble of inquiry dropped in its black well. It is the most diabolical riddle of all.
249	"Absence diminishes little passions and increases great ones, as wind extinguishes candles and fans a fire." -Walt Whitman
250	Yes, you are certain Walt Whitman said that. One hundred percent positive.
251	You have a feeling it's going to be a long day.
252	N...
253	No!
254	The door is locked and your DAD has the CAR KEYS. You peer in through the driver's side window.
255	You don't see any mail, but you do see a GREEN PACKAGE. There is also something underneath it that looks like a slip of paper.
256	Could these items have come in the mail? You don't see anything else that's usually in the mail, like bills and coupons. Maybe your DAD forgot to take this stuff inside.
257	You try to get a gander through the KITCHEN WINDOW, but you can't see a whole lot! It seems your DAD has been doing so much baking, the glass has steamed up.
258	God he is so weird.
259	But you can see what's on the table just beside the window. It looks like the mail is there! Included among it is a RED PACKAGE, some BILLS, your DAD'S PDA, and an envelope that appears to be suspiciously labeled with the SBURB LOGO. Could it be???
260	Unfortunately, the window is locked.
261	You have no other choice. You are going in.
262	CLEVER DISGUISE, it's time to work your magic.
263	Your DAD sees right through your costume! You don't know what you were even thinking with this foolish ruse!!!
264	You unequip the CLEVER DISGUISE. Your DAD wields a dreaded ARTIFACT OF CONFECTION. He stands between you and the mail.
265	There is only one way to settle this.
266	You cannot ABSCOND! This pesky GUARDIAN is blocking your path! You will need to engineer some sort of distraction.
267	And now he brandishes yet another ARTIFACT OF CONFECTION! The man is ruthless.
268	You'd better brace for impact in the most comedically striking fashion possible.
269	The BEAGLE AEGIS absorbs the brunt of the treat. Looks like DAD will enjoy the prankster's gambit on that exchange, as is usually the case.
270	You take PIE TIN and unequip the BEAGLE PUSS.
271	Everything in your SYLLADEX is pushed back a card. The SMOKE PELLETS are ejected from the deck.
272	Yes! This could be just the distraction you were...
273	Nothing happens.
274	What a huge letdown.
275	"When two great forces oppose each other, the victory will go to the one that knows how to yield." -Oscar Wilde
276	Wise words by a man who likely could resist everything but temptation.
277	The CAKE forces COLONEL SASSACRE'S TEXT out of your SYLLADEX.
278	Sassacre you beautiful bastard.
279	Now's your chance!!!
280	Now that DAD is busy placating the SMOKE DETECTOR, you can safely sneak away.
281	You snag your DAD'S PDA. Maybe later you'll switch the background image to something hilarious as a prank. Besides, it may come in handy later.
282	Your spare CAPTCHALOGUE CARD is forced out of the SYLLADEX, and consequently integrated with the deck. You now have five cards to work with.
283	This RED PACKAGE is addressed to you.
284	You got the SBURB BETA!!!
285	You captchalogue the CAKE on the couch, expelling the PIE TIN from the bottom card.
286	You then merge the two CAKES across all five cards.
287	Everything in your SYLLADEX is smushed between the CAKES. Why don't you think these things through first??
288	You pause at the juncture and head down the hall. You are going to need something to clean up the mess you are about to make by dissecting this CAKE.
289	To the left is the BATHROOM. To the right is your DAD'S ROOM. It is locked, and you are forbidden from ever entering. He has secrets.
290	You enter the BATHROOM. You can see your BACK YARD from the window. The jewel in its crown is the SWING SET which has provided you with years of joy. There is also a SPRING-MOUNTED POGO-RIDE, which has been responsible for more than one painful injury, and has provided you with years of lament.
291	On the sink is your DAD'S RAZOR. On the rack to the side is a FRESH TOWEL.
292	You take the RAZOR and use it to perform surgery on the CAKE.
293	You take the TOWEL and clean off the extracted goods.
294	The items force the MANHANDLED CAKE into the TOILET.
295	And just like that, your SYLLADEX is full again. God this thing is annoying.
296	You're not usually into chick-flicks, but Matthew McConaughey's cool charisma could salvage any heap of smoldering wreckage.
297	This is your "McConaughey Wall", a casual shrine to an amazing actor. The film above that one is a lot better, you think.
298	CAN YOU SEE HER? I WANT YOU TO PICTURE THAT LITTLE GIRL. [chokes up] NOW IMAGINE SHE'S WHITE.
299	You got us Matthew! Your smooth talking exposed our latent racism! Damn you are good!
300	GG: hi happy birthday john!!!!! <3
301	GG: helloooooo??
302	GG: ok i will talk to you later!!! :D
303	TG: hey GG is looking for you why are you even so popular all of a sudden
304	TG: is today some sort of special occasion or something
305	TG: did you do something to curry favor with ladies
306	TG: did you break your leg on a puppy or some shit
307	TG: dude what are you doing
308	EB: i discovered a comet that is going to destroy the earth, and it was named after me.
309	EB: now i am famous, and everyone wants to talk to me a lot.
310	TG: no stop
311	TG: just no
312	TG: dont talk about your awful stupid movies or make references to them
313	TG: your gross man-bro crush on matt macconahay is an unsavory thing to behold
314	EB: mcconaughey.
315	TG: sounds like a noise a horse would make
316	TG: ie dumb
317	TG: equally dumb are all those pictures of that clown youve got hanging up
318	EB: those are my dad's.
319	TG: i was talking about nick cage
320	EB: oh, what?! no man, cage is sweet. so sweet.
321	TG: ha ha so lame
322	TG: you dont even like him ironically or anything this is like for real isnt it
323	TG: hahaha
324	EB: i do things ironically sometimes.
325	EB: what about what i sent you for your birthday?
326	TG: no those are awesome
327	EB: what? no, they're stupid, which was the joke. the IRONIC joke. get it?
328	EB: wait...
329	EB: you're actually wearing them, aren't you?
330	TG: im wearing them ironically
331	TG: because theyre awesome
332	TG: the fact that theyre ironic makes them awesome
333	TG: and vice versa
334	TG: are you taking notes on how to be cool?? jesus get a fucking pen
335	EB: you do realize they touched stiller's weird, sort of gaunt face at some point.
336	TG: ew yeah
337	TG: oh well
338	TG: anyway speaking of which
339	TG: did you get the mail
340	EB: yeah.
341	TG: did there happen to be a package there
342	EB: yeah, there's a big red one.
343	TG: you should probably open it
344	EB: i would, but it's trapped under the sburb beta, so i will probably open it after i install the beta.
345	TG: oh man the beta came
346	EB: yeah! wanna play it?
347	TG: haha no way
348	EB: why not!
349	TG: it sounds so HELLS of boring just get TT to play it she is all about that
350	EB: where'd she go.
351	TG: her internet is blinking in and out i guess
352	TG: probably be back online soon
353	TG: oh and christ in a sidecar are you still using the stack modus???
354	TG: seriously dude
355	TG: you need to BONE UP on your data structures that shit is just ridiculous
356	EB: ok, i will.
357	You decide to space out on the computer for a while before doing anything important.
358	You open the TYPHEUS web browser and direct it to what is indisputably the most amazing website ever created.
359	The new adventure is ok, but you're not sure if you like it as much as the last one.
360	You decide it's time for less meta, and more beta.
361	You insert the CD and install the SBURB BETA.
362	What the fuck is this.
363	You go to your CLOSET, where you keep a lot of clothes and an array of handy COMPUTER PROGRAMMING GUIDES.
364	You're not sure you really want to dig into this huge tome. It looks really boring. And kind of ornery.
365	Maybe you'll just check out that free modus instead.
366	You turn to the back inside cover, where a free FETCH MODUS is included in a plastic sleeve.
367	This one is dictated by the logic of a QUEUE DATA STRUCTURE, operating on a "First In, First Out" method, rather than a "First In, Last Out" method of a STACK.
368	Items captchalogued in your SYLLADEX are no longer immediately accessible. You can only use the item on the bottom card, and must wait for items on upper cards to be pushed back to it.
369	For instance, the RED PACKAGE is now inaccessible. You can only use the RAZOR at the moment.
370	This modus doesn't strike you as a significant upgrade to your previous one. In fact, it almost seems more inconvenient. You figure you might as well give it a chance though.
371	You suddenly wonder if this is even possible. You don't even remember if you ever had a physical card for the STACK MODUS.
372	You find this all to be a little abstract and you'd prefer not to think about it too much.
373	Put it...
374	Down?
375	...
376	You're not quite sure you understand.
377	You captchalogue one of the CAKES.
378	You've finally found a use for all these loitering pastries: DEAD WEIGHT.
379	The second CAKE causes the RAZOR to launch out the front of your SYLLADEX.
380	Oh good lord.
381	THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE.
382	You wish the RAZOR would have failed to launch.
383	You open your MAGIC CHEST and captchalogue one of your favorite books of all time, WISE GUY BY MIKE CAVENEY.
384	There goes the FRESH TOWEL.
385	You take the TRICK HANDCUFFS, expelling the PDA like a bullet.
386	Oh God dammit.
387	You examine the package. It is from one of your internet chums.
388	It's bound in packing tape though. You'll need something sharp to open it.
389	Ah, of course! The RAZOR! It's all so simple, you wonder why you didn't...
390	Let's take this from the top.
391	You take three GLASS SHARDS in quick succession and duck for cover.
392	Your SYLLADEX rains devastation on your room from above.
393	And now that your cards are packed with glass, you probably don't want to do that again any time soon.
394	You should probably go get that stuff before you forget.
395	You open the package. There is something suspicious inside.
396	Something suspiciously dirty and smelly.
397	It is a STUFFED BUNNY. Much like the one held hostage briefly by Malkovich's Cyrus "The Virus" while taunting hard-luck protagonist Cameron Poe. And strikingly similar to the one scooped up from the soot of a burning Vegas strip by Cage's Poe and offered to his daughter, a gesture symbolic of a tattered exterior surrounding a heart of gold. Poe wasn't much to look at. But he was a good man.
398	But no, it is not merely LIKE that bunny. According to this NOTE OF AUTHENTICITY, it is the VERY SAME BUNNY.
399	This is so awesome.
400	It looks like your computer is trying to get your attention.
401	TT: It looks like you managed to retrieve the beta. Excellent.
402	TT: I'm going to try to connect.
403	EB: whoa ok but i just got the most awesome present.
404	TT: The rabbit?
405	EB: SO SWEET.
406	TT: I've heard tales of this wretched creature often. Its Homeric legend is practically ensconced in the fold of my personal mythology by now.
407	EB: ha ha, what?
408	TT: Why don't we focus on the matter at hand?
409	EB: oh the game, ok.
410	EB: i don't really know how this works. what am i even looking at here?
411	TT: You are running the client application. I am running the server, so I am the host user. I have established a connection with you. This is sufficient for us to play the game.
412	EB: oh, ok then.
413	TT: Why don't we get started?
414	[Mouseover the interface buttons. -AH]
415	EB: whoa, what are you doing??
416	TT: Sorry. I'm just getting a feel for the controls.
417	EB: is my magic chest on the roof now??
418	TT: Yes.
419	EB: :(
420	TT: I will try to be more careful next time.
421	You find your missing STACK FETCH MODUS, and quickly reapply it to your SYLLADEX. You can now opt for either the STACK or QUEUE modus any time.
422	You toggle between your FETCH MODI with gleeful abandon.
423	It looks like your DAD is leaving again for more baking supplies. You're relieved to have the house to yourself again, if only for a few minutes.
424	You just hope he doesn't notice the MAGIC CHEST on the roof. Or all the shit you threw out the window, for that matter.
425	EB: hey, do you think you could do me a favor?
426	EB: can you grab all that stuff outside my broken window and bring it in for me?
427	TT: I'll give it a shot.
428	EB: thx!
429	TT: No luck.
430	TT: It appears to be out of range. I'm guessing it is too far away from you, the "player".
431	EB: :C
432	You cannot select a PLAYER!
433	JOHN abjures the meddlesome cursor.
434	You don't know what the heck this thing does, but it looks neat!
435	TT: It seems expanding the dimensions of your room cost us some "Build Grist".
436	TT: But deploying the lathe did not appear to incur any expense.
437	TT: It looks like certain objects are freebies, probably to help you set up the game.
438	EB: wow, ok.
439	EB: what do they do?
440	TT: I think it's up to you to find out.
441	TT: All I can do is drop stuff in your house, and move it around, apparently.
442	EB: how do i move stuff around? it sounds fun!
443	TT: I don't think you can as the client. You will need to install the server application.
444	TT: You should have received both in separate envelopes. I am running both on my computer right now.
445	EB: what??
446	TT: Did you get another envelope in the mail?
447	EB: no!
448	TT: Once you install the server and establish a connection, I'm sure you will be able to manipulate my environment in the same manner.
449	TT: Are you sure you didn't get it?
450	EB: oh man.
451	EB: i think i might know where it is.
452	TT: Now that your room is bigger, why don't you move to the far corner?
453	TT: It will extend the range of the cursor, and I can reach the items.
454	TT: Which... you threw out the window for some reason?
455	EB: good idea!
456	TT: What have you been doing in here all afternoon, anyway?
457	EB: ugh, i was fussing with my retarded sylladex.
458	EB: but i think i have it under control now.
459	EB: what modus do you use?
460	TT: I like to use trees.
461	EB: oh no, that sounds so awkward.
462	TT: It's not exceptionally practical.
463	TT: But I think they are elegant.
464	EB: why is the floor shaking?
465	EB: are you dropping more stuff in my house?
466	TT: Yes. Two more large gizmos.
467	EB: sweet!
468	EB: what is with all these big contraptions?
469	TT: If I had to guess, they appear to facilitate a sort of system involving punch card-based alchemy.
470	EB: huh.
471	EB: to what end?
472	EB: i mean what are we supposed to be doing in this game?
473	TT: That remains to be seen.
474	TT: Maybe you should go investigate?
475	You grab the PDA, switching back to STACK MODUS so it is readily accessible.
476	The interface is oddly sterile. No hilarious clown wallpapers or anything like that. (Oops, you mean harlequin wallpapers.)
477	The SERIOUS BUSINESS application is open. It seems your DAD uses it to keep tabs on various acquaintances... his fellow street performers, maybe?
478	You guess the performing arts must be pretty serious business after all.
479	This should be useful. Now you can keep tabs on your chums while you wander around the house.
480	EB: hey, i'm out on the balcony now.
481	EB: i am messaging from my dad's pda.
482	TT: The one you threw into the yard?
483	EB: no, i am telling you.
484	EB: it jumped out of my sylladex like a frightened weasel.
485	TT: What were you doing with it in the first place?
486	TT: I am not sensing a lot of regard for the personal property of others.
487	TT: Is this how your pent-up frustration with your father manifests itself?
488	EB: what? no.
489	EB: those were all accidents.
490	EB: please take your psycho-babblery elsewhere, miss!
491	TT: Your bathroom is a mess.
492	TT: Did you do that too?
493	EB: oh man, see this isn't cool.
494	EB: all this snooping nonsense!
495	TT: There's a cake in the toilet.
496	EB: yes. there is.
497	TT: I'm tempted to clean it up for you.
498	EB: ok, if that will satisfy your weird ocd complex then go ahead.
499	TT: My Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder complex?
500	TT: Can a disorder also be a complex?
501	EB: in your case, probably!
502	TT: Sounds complicated.
503	EB: anyway...
504	EB: i am going to have a look at this enormous platformy thing you put on the balcony.
505	You have no idea what to do with this thing. You can't find any controls for it.
506	Having exhausted all other possibilities, you just decide to stand on it.
507	This isn't very cautious of you, actually.
508	It is a clear, sunny day. Nothing out of the ordinary to report. At least, not beyond the walls of your own home.
509	TT: Whoops.
510	EB: whoops what?
511	EB: what was that noise?
512	EB: is this something i should go investigate?
513	TT: No, I have it under control.
514	TT: You can keep playing with your telescope.
515	EB: augh!
516	TT: I think I can patch it up.
517	TT: Just give me a little space.
518	TT: Why don't you go have a look at the Cruxtruder?
519	EB: the what?
520	TT: The thing I put in your living room.
521	You jump down to the UTILITY ROOM.
522	You take the SLEDGEHAMMER and the CAPTCHALOGUE CARD, combine the two, and quickly apply it to your STRIFE SPECIBUS.
523	You think it's cool that things don't always have to be a federal fucking issue.
524	It looks like another one of your chums is pestering you on your PDA.
525	GG: john did you get my package??
526	EB: oh hey!
527	EB: no, not yet.
528	GG: darn! are you sure? it was in a green box.....
529	EB: oh!
530	EB: yes, but it is in my dad's car and he is still out at the store.
531	EB: he should be back soon.
532	GG: great!!! so what are you up to today?
533	EB: i am up to my neck in this sburb stuff.
534	EB: TT is making a royal mess of my house.
535	GG: lol!
536	GG: whats sburb??
537	EB: oh, it is this game.
538	EB: it's ok i guess. i'm still figuring it out.
539	GG: whoa what was that?????
540	EB: what was what?
541	GG: there was a loud noise outside my house!!
542	GG: it sounded like an explosion!!!!
543	EB: wow, really?
544	GG: i will go outside and look....
545	EB: oh man, alright but be careful, ok?
546	GG: i will! :)
547	EB: oh hell no, you put this thing in front of the door?
548	TT: There's a door there?
549	EB: um, YEAH???
550	TT: I didn't see it.
551	TT: I just thought it fit nicely into that groove.
552	EB: you mean you thought it was elegant?
553	EB: ok well what do i do with this thing.
554	EB: hello?
555	EB: what are you doing up there now?
556	TT: Oh fuck.
557	When you turn the wheel, something seems to be pushing up from underneath the lid.
558	But you aren't strong enough to make the lid come off!
559	On the tub's journey to the driveway, the connection is interrupted.
560	EB: you can see me, right.
561	EB: tell me what is wrong with this picture.
562	TT: Sorry. I keep losing the wireless signal.
563	TT: Must be the weather.
564	TT: I would look for a stronger signal in another part of the house, but I'd rather not risk an encounter with my mother.
565	TT: I battled through her cloud of gin and derision once already this evening.
566	EB: haha, yeah I hear you.
567	TT: Yes. Cake, jesters, unfaltering love and support.
568	TT: Quite a road to hoe there.
569	TT: Though I suppose I'm complicit for not informing Social Services about your situation.
570	EB: i know!
571	EB: what about going outside?
572	EB: maybe you could catch a neighbor's signal.
573	TT: That presents the same problem.
574	TT: Also, it's raining, remember?
575	TT: And dark.
576	EB: It's dark already?
577	TT: Yes, the sun has already had its way with us here on the east coast.
578	TT: Its lurid glare has moved on to younger timezones.
579	EB: haha, um, ok.
580	TT: Need some help?
581	EB: what is this thing?
582	EB: and what is that clock counting down to?
583	TT: I've been looking at the GameFAQ walkthroughs to figure some of this stuff out.
584	TT: Hold while I read further.
585	EB: ok.
586	TT: All of these walkthroughs are extremely short.
587	TT: None progress much further than this point.
588	EB: weird.
589	EB: well, i mean it is a new game.
590	TT: True.
591	TT: Now that the lid is off, you will need to extrude some "Cruxite".
592	You extrude ONE (1) CRUXITE DOWEL.
593	TT: I feel like we should be hurrying. That countdown is making me nervous.
594	TT: John?
595	TT: Oh. Your PDA is trapped under the cruxite now, isn't it.
596	TT: Anyway, it looks like you are going to need this card too.
597	A SHARD OF GLASS is expelled from the deck and maims the HARLEQUIN DOLL.
598	You take TWO (2) FANCIFUL HARLEQUINS.
599	The additional useless freight pushes your PDA to the last card. You then switch to the QUEUE MODUS so you can access the PDA.
600	More glass shrapnel flies from the deck.
601	EB: this thing keeps following me around.
602	EB: i think it's trying to talk to me or something.
603	TT: That is probably the "Kernelsprite".
604	TT: It apparently needs to be "prototyped".
605	TT: Twice, actually.
606	TT: Whatever the hell that means.
607	TT: These walkthroughs are horrendously written.
608	EB: hmm, ok.
609	EB: well, you are the one with the cursor so just do whatever you think is the right thing to do!
610	EB: also, fix my bathroom.
611	The KERNELSPRITE has been prototyped with the HARLEQUIN DOLL.
612	EB: i still can't understand this thing's gobbledygook.
613	TT: That was only "Tier One Prototyping".
614	TT: There is still another tier to the prototyping process.
615	TT: Which for all we know merely advances this entity through increasingly esoteric states of linguistics.
616	EB: the clock is ticking.
617	EB: we don't have time for this asinine tomfoolery.
618	TT: This unmitigated poppycock?
619	EB: extravagant hogwash!
620	EB: ok stop
621	EB: stop typing whatever silly thing you're typing.
622	EB: i'm going upstairs to the big platformy thing.
623	TT: The alchemiter?
624	EB: ??
625	TT: Try to learn the lingo.
626	There is no slot for a card anywhere to be found on the ALCHEMITER!
627	The KERNELSPRITE followed you upstairs.
628	Acquiring a CRUXITE DOWEL seems to have populated the ATHENEUM with one item: a PERFECTLY GENERIC OBJECT.
629	You snatch the TELESCOPE from its TRIPOD. Who knows, it might be useful. But more importantly, it pushes the CRUXITE to the last card making it available for tinkering.
630	The PDA is predictably jettisoned into the yard, over the neighbor's fence.
631	You place the CRUXITE DOWEL on the ALCHEMITER'S small pedestal.
632	Something is happening...
633	You set the ALCHEMITER to cast THREE (3) PERFECTLY GENERIC OBJECTS for some reason, expending a total of 6 units of BUILD GRIST.
634	These things look completely useless. What a waste!
635	Out of the corner of your eye, you notice there's something in the sky.
636	You switch back to STACK MODUS and get a closer look with your TELESCOPE.
637	Whatever it is, the KERNELSPRITE seems particularly agitated about it.
638	You're no astronomer, but its trajectory looks suspiciously head-on with your current perspective.
639	This is a troubling development.
640	You figure you've left him hanging long enough.
641	It is tempting because they strongly resemble Rockin' Blue Raspberry Gushers. However, units of BUILD GRIST are a gaming abstraction and do not seem to exist on the physical plane!
642	There is apparently no crisis so imminent that will deter you from contemplating idiotic and frivolous actions.
643	TT: Your dad is getting home.
644	TT: John?
645	TT: What did you do with your PDA this time?
646	TT: I'm working on the bathroom.
647	TT: But we are running low on Build Grist.
648	Two chums have been trying to message you.
649	TT: I'm working on the bathroom.
650	TT: But we are running low on Build Grist.
651	EB: oh man who cares about the bathroom, now there's a meteor heading for my house!!!
652	TT: I see.
653	TT: Do you suppose it has anything to do with the game?
654	EB: i don't know, maybe! what do i do!
655	TT: I think it's very likely.
656	TT: The walkthroughs vaguely suggest an impending threat before they end.
657	TT: The already poorly constructed sentences become even more curt and ambiguous.
658	TT: As if written hastily and with a sense of alarm.
659	TT: Actually, their dedication to updating the walkthrough under such circumstances is admirable.
660	EB: wow, FASCINATING.
661	EB: ??????
662	TT: If the meteor is a game construct, I think the only thing to do is to proceed, and try to solve the dilemma on the game's terms.
663	TT: Try using the lathe.
664	TT: It says you can use the card on it, but isn't more specific than that.
665	EB: ok i'll do that.
666	TT: Really, it is a labor to read this drivel.
667	TT: If I read any more my brain will need to be spoon-fed from a jar.
668	TT: While it blows spit bubbles in a highchair.
669	TT: I think I will write my own walkthrough.
670	TT: That is, after we make sure you don't die.
671	TG: i heard you got the box
672	TG: i hope you appreciate my heroic fatherly perseverance in getting it to you
673	TG: in my rough and tumble dirty wifebeaterly sort of way
674	TG: also i hope you appreciate how many no-talent douches had their mitts on that bunny before you
675	TG: its like a grubby baton in some huge douchebag marathon
676	TG: hey where are you
677	EB: oh man, the bunny was awesome, but i don't have time to talk, i'm playing sburb and it's kind of a nightmare.
678	EB: TT is breaking everything in my house.
679	TG: dude i told you to steer clear of that game
680	TG: and for that matter you should probably wash your hands of flighty broads and their snarky horseshit altogether
681	EB: and now there's a meteor coming, and i'm not even joking about that!!!
682	EB: it's like a big asteroid or comet or something.
683	EB: in the sky.
684	EB: heading right for my house!!!!!!!!
685	TG: oh man
686	TG: how big is it
687	EB: i dunno.
688	EB: big, i guess.
689	EB: i gotta go!
690	EB: we'll talk later if i am still alive and the earth isn't blown up.
691	TG: like the size of texas
692	TG: or just rhode island
693	TG: theyre always throwing around these geographical comparisons to give us a sense of scale like it really means anything to us
694	TG: but its like it doesnt matter its always just like: WOW THATS PRETTY FUCKING BIG
695	TG: like mr president theres a meteor coming sir. oh yeah, how big is it? its the size of texas sir
696	TG: OH SHIT
697	TG: or, how big is it? its the size of new york city sir
698	TG: OH SHIT
699	TG: sir im afraid the comet is the size of your moms dick
700	TG: OH SNAP
701	TG: sir are you familiar with jupiter
702	TG: you mean like the planet?
703	TG: yeah
704	TG: well its that big sir
705	TG: hmm that sounds pretty big
706	TG: i have a question
707	TG: is it jupiter?
708	TG: yes sir, earth is literally under seige by planet fucking jupiter
709	TG: OH SHIT
710	TG: anyway later
711	You slip the PRE-PUNCHED CARD into a slot on the TOTEM LATHE. Above, the TOOL ARM deploys a configuration of chisels.
712	Now you just need something to lathe.
713	Cursing your lack of foresight, you return to the BALCONY for the CRUXITE DOWEL you left on the pedestal.
714	You navigate the hallway leery of your DAD, who is presently puzzling over the new fixture in his hallway.
715	The perfect crime.
716	You retrieved the CRUXITE DOWEL.
717	DAD just shrugs and heads back downstairs, presumably to do some more baking.
718	If only he knew you were hard at work saving his ass.
719	You clamp the CRUXITE in the lathe.
720	The lathe carves ONE (1) TOTEM.
721	You take the TOTEM.
722	EB: alright, i used the lathe to make this blue shapey thing.
723	EB: now i guess i take it back to the alchemixer again?
724	EB: hello???????
725	EB: uh...
726	A young lady stands in her bedroom. Due to a violent storm, her house has just lost power, along with her wireless internet connection. This has severed her link to a popular video game she was playing with a young man at a critical moment. That young man is relying on this young lady to reestablish a connection somehow. This young lady named...
727	Named...
728	It's on the tip of your tongue. What was the name of this young lady again?
729	No, that wasn't it!
730	Your name is ROSE. As was previously mentioned you are without ELECTRICITY, although your LAPTOP COMPUTER still functions on BATTERY POWER. You have a variety of INTERESTS. You have a passion for RATHER OBSCURE LITERATURE. You enjoy creative writing and are SOMEWHAT SECRETIVE ABOUT IT. You have a fondness for the BESTIALLY STRANGE AND FICTITIOUS, and sometimes dabble in PSYCHOANALYSIS. You also like to KNIT, and your room is a BIT OF A MESS. And on occasion, if just the right one strikes your fancy, you like to play VIDEO GAMES with your friends.
731	What will you do?
732	The PURPLE PACKAGE'S contents are private! No one is allowed to look inside.
733	Ugh, what a terrible idea! The thought alone makes you sick to your stomach.
734	You would only resort to such an embarrassing activity while no one was watching!!!
735	These journals are for your eyes only.
736	You captchalogue the VIOLIN, storing it the ROOT CARD of your SYLLADEX.
737	You waste approximately 40 seconds playing the violin while your friend is in peril.
738	Nice time management skills there, sweetheart!
739	Since your good for nothing friend is obviously not going to bail you out in time, you issue words of parting fondness to dear, sweet Liv. Oh, if only Affleck could have been the one to make the final sacrifice instead of her stubborn, blue collar, salt-of-the-earth father. Then she would fall into your arms for consolation, and YOU would be the one to make the deceased Bruce Willis proud.
740	You get the KNITTING BAG. It occupies the LEFT LEAF CARD under the VIOLIN, per the TREE MODUS'S alphabetical sorting method.
741	K < V.
742	Your panoramic window offers a view of your yard below, and the mausoleum housing your dead cat, JASPERS, who died when you were young. Your MOM had the structure erected with a spirit of scornful IRONY in response to your youthfully innocent request to hold a funeral for the animal. At least, that is how you have come to interpret the gesture in retrospect.
743	You can also make out a silhouette of the LABORATORY next door, a facility which likely broadcasts a strong WIRELESS INTERNET SIGNAL. You may be able to connect to the signal from a different part of the house. Perhaps if you seek higher ground?
744	You take your LAPTOP and prepare to make the journey through the house.
745	L < V. L > K.
746	This causes the tree to be unbalanced, so your SYLLADEX auto-balances itself. Now the LAPTOP occupies the ROOT CARD, while the other two items comprise the LEAVES.
747	K < L. V > L.
748	This book is absolutely indispensable for enthusiasts of your ilk. Of which there are very few.
749	You take the GRIMOIRE.
750	G < L, G < K.
751	You leave your BEDROOM.
752	Hanging just next to your door in the hallway is a painting of an EXQUISITE WIZARD. Your mother collects these awful things IRONICALLY. She must know how much you detest them, and there is no doubt in your mind she stores these dreadful things in the house to bother you.
753	Down the hall to the right is the way to the OBSERVATORY. Perhaps you will be able to connect from up there?
754	Your mother's room is also in that direction. You will have to watch your step.
755	You approach a juncture in the hallway. Beyond the juncture is the OBSERVATORY.
756	This door leads up to the OBSERVATORY. You haven't ventured up there in quite some time.
757	The door opens to an exterior walkway, leading to the observatory entrance.
758	You've seen less inclement weather before. Oh the things you'll do to help out a friend.
759	You first put your LAPTOP down on the floor to get it situated.
760	But removing it from the ROOT CARD causes all the branches and leaves to be severed! Your items are dumped unceremoniously on the floor.
761	You're in a hurry, sure, but that doesn't mean you can't take moment to peek through the HUGE TELESCOPE.
762	You find a gap in the clouds. It seems a flurry of smaller METEOROIDS is streaking steadily overhead. You're not sure what this means, but it is somewhat disconcerting.
763	You'll need every advantage you can get.
764	There are several signals being broadcasted from the LABORATORY, each of relatively decent strength.
765	One of them is mysteriously and quite conveniently UNSECURED, requiring no password.
766	You select the signal, and reconnect to the game with John.
767	TT: I'm back.
768	EB: hurry up and open my door!!!!!!
769	EB: not that it even matters, i think i'm probably dead no matter what!!!!!!
770	TT: Patience. You still haven't used the new totem.
771	EB: ???
772	TT: I believe it will create the item on the punch card.
773	EB: so what is it, like an apple or something?
774	EB: what good will that even do?
775	TT: We'll see.
776	TT: I've found no evidence that anyone has successfully created the item.
777	TT: And the content of the card appears to be variable from session to session.
778	TT: In one instance it was described as an "eggy loking thign" [sic].
779	EB: do we have enough of those building jewels to make it?
780	TT: According to the Atheneum, it is a free item.
781	TT: This speaks to its importance, in my view.
782	TT: Now off you go.
783	There goes the rest of your BUILD GRIST.
784	You probably should have just done this in the first place.
785	Got to get those stupid blocks out of the way first!
786	The KERNELSPRITE is getting awfully worked up about all this!
787	You store the PERFECTLY GENERIC OBJECTS in your PHERNALIA REGISTRY, potentially to be deployed at a later time.
788	A WAYWARD VAGABOND records a stuttering step in the sun-bleached dust.
789	The KERNEL divides. The two halves go their separate ways, leaving behind the SPRITE portion.
790	What is left of the SPRITE undergoes a mysterious transformation.
791	For a moment you thought you heard someone say "BOY", as if whispered in the periphery of your awareness.
792	It was probably just your imagination though.
793	For the last time, this boy's name is John!!!
794	You go back up to your bedroom, tiptoeing around this weird petroleum-based sludge.
795	TT: John?
796	TT: Are you there?
797	EB: hey, yeah i'm here!
798	EB: and not dead i think.
799	TT: I know.
800	TT: I've been watching you scramble through the house like a lunatic.
801	TT: You should have answered me sooner.
802	EB: oh man, sorry, i was looking around for my dad and i can't find him anywhere!
803	EB: have you seen him?
804	TT: No. I'm sure he'll turn up.
805	TT: We have more important things to address right now.
806	EB: yeah, like where am i??
807	TT: I don't know that either. But I've determined your neighborhood was destroyed by the meteor. Wherever you were transported, it saved you from the impact.
808	TT: I've been reading reports in the news. Over the last few days, there have been many smaller meteor collisions with people's homes around the world.
809	TT: And they seem to be getting bigger. Yours was the biggest they've identified so far.
810	EB: wow, ok.
811	EB: so then i guess if this is all the game's doing, then the point is for us to save the world?
812	TT: Perhaps.
813	EB: then we'd better get moving and figure this game out!!!
814	TT: Yes, but wait.
815	TT: We should retrieve your PDA. Yet again.
816	TT: It will help to keep tabs on each other while you investigate.
817	TT: I think I can get you closer to it, if I can replenish our grist supply somewhat.
818	TT: There may be a way to recycle some that we already used.
819	EB: ok.
820	TT: I'll meet you out on the balcony.
821	EB: wait, rose! one thing...
822	TT: What?
823	EB: you never even wished me a happy birthday!
824	EB: um... hello?
825	TT: I was working on something to send you, but I was running late with it.
826	TT: I didn't want you to think I believed meager well wishes alone would suffice for the occasion.
827	TT: That said, happy birthday, John.
828	EB: haha, oh jeez, that is silly!
829	EB: anyway, thanks!
830	The TOWEL? Why?
831	Oh well, you're the boss. You captchalogue the TOWEL. What now?
832	John makes his way to the balcony per your awkwardly-worded request.
833	You whimsically decide to captchalogue the TOTEM which was used to create the APPLE TREE earlier.
834	John cannot do anything with the GRIST as of this moment! That is up to the Sburb player.
835	Yes, that will suffice.
836	Rose deletes the PERFECTLY GENERIC OBJECTS. 6 units of BUILD GRIST are restored to your GRIST CACHE.
837	Rose expends the GRIST to drag a new plank from the balcony in the direction of the PDA.
838	John isn't sure about that. It's a long way down.
839	John is very nervous about the idea, and the strident tone of your commands is starting to make him a little upset!
840	You cautiously walk within range of the PDA. Rose retrieves it.
841	You grab the PDA, launching one of the HARLEQUIN FIGURINES into the night.
842	You can kiss that one goodbye.
843	Just one ==> command will suffice. Thanks.
844	It looks like you're not the only one trying to locate your father after the disaster.
845	TT: John, are you ok?
846	TT: You seem a bit tentative.
847	EB: i'm fine i guess.
848	EB: since i got here i feel compelled to do these weird things i don't really want to do.
849	EB: by some kind of voice that i can't really even hear. i don't know, it is hard to explain.
850	TT: Perhaps the early symptoms of an anxiety disorder, like post-traumatic stress?
851	EB: yeah, maybe. who knows!
852	TT: Well, if you can pull yourself together, there are a few more things we should try.
853	TT: Like prototyping the Kernelsprite again, if possible.
854	TT: We should hurry. My laptop battery won't last forever.
855	EB: Ok. I will go back inside.
856	What? No! That sounds incredibly dangerous!
857	Now you're just being a pest.
858	Which turnip truck did you just tumble out of, anyway?
859	Who are you?
860	An unsealed tunnel welcomes hot desert air into its stagnant depths.
861	In the distance, meteorites fall with greater frequency. The fire in the forest burns so hot, not even the rain is putting it out!
862	Your LAPTOP BATTERY is alright for now, but it won't be for long.
863	If the power in the house doesn't come back on, you can think of one last resort: the small BACKUP GENERATOR stored behind the MAUSOLEUM.
864	EB: what? oh man, you're going to use that?
865	EB: that sucks, what a stupid idea!
866	TT: We have to hurry along. I'm running low on battery power.
867	EB: but the cake mix... ugh, that's so dumb.
868	TT: I doubt it matters.
869	TT: We might as well just use any old crap lying around.
870	EB: fine.
871	EB: i GUESS.
872	The SPRITE is playing hard to get! You guess that's what you get for originally prototyping it with something that engenders mischief and pranksterism!
873	Pipe down, you. This is Rose's decision, not yours!
874	EB: OH YES, SWEET!!
875	EB: now we're talking!
876	TT: See if you can distract it.
877	TT: I'll try to sneak up on it.
878	The SPRITE finds the DISTRACTING MANNER in which you FLAIL ABOUT to be rather DISTRACTING.
879	The pesky SPRITE eludes you again! Not even the great Colonel himself can outfox it!!!
880	In narrowly missing with your attempt to create the COLONELSPRITE, you drop the massive tome. The entire house rattles under the astonishing girth of the book.
881	In the other room, NANNA'S ASHES dump onto the SPRITE, which is caught unawares by the dousing.
882	You find the SACRED URN toppled again. This time you're quite sure it wasn't your fault!
883	The SPRITE is nowhere to be found.
884	EB: aw man, where'd it go?
885	TT: I can't find it anywhere in the house.
886	TT: No time to worry about it.
887	TT: The next thing we should do is get your server copy of the game from the car.
888	TT: You need to connect to my client, so I can repeat your steps and presumably join you, wherever you are.
889	TT: We should do this quickly, before my house burns down.
890	EB: what, there's a fire??
891	TT: There will be soon.
892	EB: oh jeez!
893	EB: so move this thing already!
894	TT: It looks like it requires a lot of grist to move.
895	TT: I don't have enough to relocate the door, either.
896	EB: how much do you have?
897	TT: Zero.
898	EB: oh.
899	EB: hmm.
900	EB: i thought about jumping to the car from the ledge earlier but that sounds really dangerous!
901	TT: I have a better idea.
902	TT: Meet me upstairs.
903	You are about to head upstairs, but you thought you heard something behind you.
904	It was faint, but you could swear it was a small, lighthearted chuckle. Along the lines of a spirited "Hoo-hoo-hoo!"
905	You're not sure you even saw a woman, let alone any of her hypothetical antics. But whatever it was you might have caught a glimpse of, it sure gave you the willies.
906	You head upstairs on your way to the balcony. Your PDA is acting up again.
907	TG: hey bro check it out im working on some new rhymes
908	EB: dude, i don't have time for your nerdy raps!
909	TG: come on this is hells of ill just listen
910	EB: it sounds like you don't even believe me that i was about to get blown up!
911	EB: but i really was, but now im in some weird dimension that sburb sent me to or something.
912	EB: and now on top of that i think i'm being haunted by my dead grandma!
913	TG: huh
914	TG: for real
915	EB: yeah, it's true but i'll talk to you later about it!
916	TG: i think i could drop some sick rhymes about all this
917	EB: man, see i just don't think all the rapping stuff is really as cool as you think it is.
918	TG: no thisll be dope check it
919	EB: no, i have to go! bye!
920	TG: wait wait
921	TG: armageddon's gettin waged on us
922	TG: but im-a gettin armed and dangerous
923	TG: sending men in space for savin us
924	TG: see which playa's more couragerous
925	TG: ben or bruce? dudes reach a truce
926	TG: put their blowchutes to use and up-suck it
927	TG: afflecks saclifice, i mean -crifice, would have to sufflice. aw fluck it
928	TG: bro be a stained-glass saint, up on a cross gettin hella christ-plagiarous
929	TG: bruce's like offa that cruciflix, nuff a this fuckin savior-fuss
930	TG: restrained his ass per mclane-redux while buscemi remained derangerous
931	TG: when a plan gone astray pays off a wasted craterous
932	TG: ash tray caterin to layers of matt maconnaheys vague remainder-dust
933	TG: wait
934	TG: uh
935	TG: macconahey wasnt even in any of those meteor movies was he
936	TG: ill have to make a rap about
937	TG: i dont know
938	TG: morgan freeman or something
939	TG: being the president
940	TG: itll be called
941	TG: "obama made it so that no one gives a shit about black presidents in movies anymore"
942	TG: see youve got to fill me in on whats going on
943	TG: so i have something to rap about besides all your dumbshit movies
944	You head out to the balcony to find out what Rose has in mind. She is messaging you again.
945	TT: I'm lifting the car up to the balcony.
946	EB: whoa, ok.
947	TT: Once it is up, retrieve the game. Then I'll put it back down on the driveway.
948	EB: but the door is locked!
949	TT: Then break a window.
950	EB: but it's my dad's car :(
951	TT: It's just a window, and this is sort of an emergency.
952	TT: Otherwise I promise I'll handle the car with velvet gloves.
953	EB: alright.
954	You're inclined to agree, but hey, accidents happen. You double check your PDA to make sure if Rose is really gone. Indeed this seems to be the case.
955	TG is still pestering you of course. But another chum is now logged in as well.
956	GG: im back!
957	EB: oh hi!
958	GG: i went to investigate the explosion i heard
959	EB: was it by any chance a meteor?
960	GG: yes!!!!!
961	GG: how did you know??
962	EB: oh man, it's kind of a long story!
963	EB: anyway, are you ok? did it blow up your yard or start a fire or anything?
964	GG: no i am fine!
965	GG: it landed a pretty good ways from my house and i went to look at it
966	GG: and its pretty big!
967	GG: but bec doesnt want me to go near it
968	GG: so i came home
969	GG: he seems to think its dangerous!
970	EB: well gosh, he's probably right!
971	GG: anyway what have you been up to john?
972	GG: oh!!!! did you get my package yet? :O
973	EB: er...
974	EB: yeah, i was trying to get it, but rose dropped my car into a weird spooky bottomless pit and the package was in the car and im really sorry about that.
975	GG: oh no!
976	EB: wow, ok, i guess i should start at the beginning.
977	EB: see, a meteor blew up my neighborhood.
978	GG: thats terrible john! im so sorry!
979	EB: but i'm ok! and my house is too, sort of.
980	EB: that game i was telling you about, sburb which i was playing with rose, sort of transported me somewhere at the last minute.
981	EB: but now i'm trapped here and it's weird and dark and i can't find my dad and i just lost the car and my copy of the game in the pit and i think i have to save the world from the apocalypse!!!
982	GG: O_O
983	GG: well.....
984	GG: it sounds really crazy and kind of scary but.....
985	GG: it also sounds kind of exciting!
986	GG: i dont know john maybe this is your destiny
987	GG: if anyone can save the world i think it is probably you!
988	EB: wow, you think so?
989	GG: yes!
990	EB: well ok, BUT.
991	EB: it's not even that simple!
992	EB: i was about to connect to rose to help transport her and save her from meteors and fire and stuff.
993	EB: but she lost battery power and i lost the game disc!
994	EB: so i think i have to get TG to use his copy to save her!
995	EB: but that jackass won't shut up and stop rapping and stuff.
996	GG: hahaha
997	GG: he is so silly!
998	EB: yeah. anyway i should talk to him about it, so brb.
999	TG: when the film crew zooms where the presidents at
1000	TG: im like if that dudes black ill eat my hat
1001	TG: turns out he is, so we're all "damn, director's got gumption"
1002	TG: like we'll all flip our shit he aint shining shoes or somethin
1003	TG: its called freemancipation. if its not pres-election its god-ascension
1004	TG: in bruce almighty. whoops, different bruce from the one i just mentioned
1005	EB: aaaaaarrrgh!
1006	TG: cant explain to me why this aint condescension to think ill shit a brick
1007	TG: not even he can convey the intention with his quickspun wit
1008	TG: rather defray all this tension, sit on his lap while he whittles a splint
1009	TG: and some guy eyes what he does and patronizes: i guess negrocity's the mother of invention
1010	EB: stop rapping for a second you horse's ass!
1011	EB: i have something important to talk about.
1012	TG: whats up
1013	EB: rose is in trouble and she needs help. i was going to connect to her with sburb but i lost my copy!
1014	TG: ok
1015	EB: also she lost battery power. if she can get back up and running, she'll need someone with the game to get her out of there before her house burns down.
1016	EB: so i think you should use your copy of the game to help her!
1017	TG: my copy?
1018	TG: thats going to be tough
1019	EB: why?
1020	TG: i lost it
1021	TG: its a stupid story and id rather not talk about it
1022	TG: shit be embarrassing yo
1023	EB: i thought you said you had two?
1024	TG: well yeah
1025	TG: one is my brothers copy
1026	EB: ok, well get his then!
1027	TG: alright
1028	TG: but hes not gonna be happy about that
1029	EB: whatever.
1030	EB: also you might want to read rose's walkthrough to get up to speed on this.
1031	TG: oh man
1032	EB: what?
1033	TG: nothing really
1034	TG: look all im saying is the girl tends to lay it on kinda thick you know?
1035	EB: /ROLLS EYES
1036	Your LAPTOP is out of BATTERY POWER. There's only one thing left to do. Time to make your way to that BACKUP GENERATOR.
1037	That would be such a waste of time!
1038	Besides, you already knitted one a while ago. You retrieve it from your KNITTING BAG and apply it to your LAPTOP.
1039	You captchalogue the LAPTOP PLUS COZY.
1040	That would be incredibly ill-advised!
1041	There are some dark forces you just don't want to mess around with. You understand this better than most.
1042	You put the book down.
1043	You grab the KNITTING BAG and the GRIMOIRE, in that order. It's always a logistical puzzle with your TREE MODUS.
1044	The tree AUTO-BALANCES, leaving the KNITTING BAG accesible in the ROOT CARD.
1045	You feel a lot more comfortable with this as a weapon. You're so handy with those needles, you feel like you could probably use them to filet a sword fish.
1046	You lose the ROOT CARD in the process, severing the tree.
1047	Hey, careful with all that stuff!
1048	That would also be a preposterous waste of time!!!
1049	Besides, you're quite sure you've never heard of this creature called "Cthulhu" before. There are however many other specimens of the ZOOLOGICALLY DUBIOUS you're familiar with.
1050	Such as...
1051	FLUTHLU, FOUL PATRICIAN OF MISERY. To hear his mammoth belly gurgle is to know the Epoch of Joy has come to an abrupt end.
1052	And NRUB'YIGLITH, SHAMEBEAST KING OF GROTESQUERY, WRITHE-LORD OF THE MOIST BEYONDHOOD. Hearing his melodious chirps and tongue-clicks causes one's bones to explode.
1053	And of course there's OGLOGOTH, THE DEEP ONE. Whenever he grinds his teeth, all the children of a random galaxy somewhere will frown continuously for a nine thousand year span. He is the first and smallest of the SMALLER GODS, appointed in servitude of a vile, unfathomable pantheon of MIDDLING GODS which caters to the whims of the NOBLE CIRCLE OF HORRORTERRORS, an omniscient, omnipotent order of the elite few, forever cloaked in the darkness of the FURTHEST RING.
1054	And then there's this strange page containing some rather mysterious notes on summoning procedures. You've never been quite sure what these diagrams are getting at.
1055	You re-captchalogue everything the way you want it to appear in the tree, and head downstairs.
1056	You figure that's enough dilly-dallying. Time to get a move on!
1057	You wonder if this rain will ever let up. It's driven since the month began, perhaps long enough to forget its purpose. It no longer even knows to assuage fire. Somewhere a zealous god threads these strings between the clouds and the earth, preparing for a symphony it fears impossible to play. And so it threads on, and on, delaying the raise of the conductor's baton.
1058	How you hate this season.
1059	"April is the cruelest month, breeding lilacs out of the dead land, mixing memory and desire, stirring dull roots with spring rain." -American sports legend, Charles Barkley
1060	Surely your mother is lurking nearby. You should be prepared for an unpleasant confron...
1061	There's this really cool dude, ok? He's standing around being all chill, like cool dudes are known to do sometimes. A cool dude like this probably has a real cool name. But he probably wouldn't just tell you what it was if you asked. He'd be way too busy for that. Busy being totally sweet.
1062	But you could always try to guess his name. And if you were right, he might nod ever so slightly. That's a cool dude's way of letting you know there might just be hope for you yet.
1063	This guy doesn't have time for this sort of bullshit.
1064	Your name is DAVE. It is an UNSEASONABLY WARM April day. Your BEDROOM WINDOW is open to let some air in, and your FAN is cranked. Arguably even more cranked would be your FLY BEATS, which brings us to your variety of INTERESTS. A cool dude like you is sure to have plenty. You have a penchant for spinning out UNBELIEVABLY ILL JAMS with your TURNTABLES AND MIXING GEAR. You like to rave about BANDS NO ONE'S EVER HEARD OF BUT YOU. You collect WEIRD DEAD THINGS PRESERVED IN VARIOUS WAYS. You are an AMATEUR PHOTOGRAPHER and operate your own MAKESHIFT DARKROOM. You maintain a number of IRONICALLY HUMOROUS BLOGS, WEBSITES, AND SOCIAL NETWORKING PROFILES. And if the inspiration strikes, you won't hesitate to drop some PHAT RHYMES on a mofo and REPRESENT.
1065	What will you do?
1066	Nah.
1067	This notion strikes you as nonsensical. You can't imagine how a video game could save someone's life, and in any case, you're quite sure no one you know is in any danger.
1068	Anyway, these are your copies of the beta you received in the mail recently. You've labeled them with your name in BOLD RED PRINT to distinguish them from your BRO's copies, who labeled his in kind. Neither of you really gives a shit about this game or has any intention of playing it, but you'll be damned if you'll let that get in the way of your campaign of one-upmanship.
1069	You would never consider allowing any fluid even remotely resembling urine to touch your beloved TURNTABLES. That would risk breaking them, and a world without the gift of your godly science just doesn't sound like a place you want any part of. While you're at it, you might as well wipe out human civilization with a meteor or something ridiculous like that which will probably never happen.
1070	That sort of thing only happens in stupid idiot movies for stupid idiots.
1071	You will however contemplate bleating like a goat for IRONICALLY HUMOROUS purposes at a later date.
1072	This is your closet. This is where you keep a lot of your crap.
1073	Like that BOX. And that bottle of... what is that?
1074	Is that...?
1075	This is the package that your friend John Egbert sent you for your 13th birthday a little while ago. It now contains nothing except a NOTE and a CERTIFICATE OF AUTHENTICITY vouching for the genuine Hollywood memorabilia which the box originally contained, and which you are now wearing to be IRONIC but also to be INCREDIBLY COOL IN A WAY SOMEHOW INTANGIBLY RELATED TO THE IRONIC NATURE OF THE ACCESSORY. You find it sort of exasperating to explain these subtleties to people.
1076	The BOX also included a signed photo of BEN STILLER which now proudly hangs above your closet. Proudly and IRONICALLY.
1077	You captchalogue the BOX through your HASH MAP FETCH MODUS.
1078	Your modus's current HASH FUNCTION resolves the index by valuing each consonant at 2, and each vowel at 1. The total is divided by your number of cards, and the remainder is the index.
1079	BOX = 2 + 1 + 2 = 5
1080	5 % 10 = 5
1081	The BOX is captchalogued in card 5.
1082	Oh hell yes. It is an unopened container of APPLE JUICE. You thought you were all out. It is like fucking christmas up in here.
1083	This is so great. You've got to tell John about this immediately. He'll be so excited.
1084	You captchalogue the JUICE into card 7.
1085	2+1+1+2+1 %10 = 7.
1086	In addition to letting your buddy know about this outstanding juice windfall, you figure you'll wish him a happy birthday while you're at it. In your own cool, sort of roundabout way of course. Good thing you looked at that box he sent you, or you might have forgotten.
1087	You also might as well ask him about that beta. The kid's been harping about it for weeks. It would be cool if it came on his birthday. He'd be one happy camper.
1088	TG: hey so what sort of insane loot did you rake in today
1089	EB: i got a little monsters poster, it's so awesome. i'm going to watch it again today, the applejuice scene was so funny.
1090	TG: oh hell that is such a coincidence i just found an unopened container of apple juice in my closet it is like fucking christmas up in here
1091	EB: ok thats fine, but i just have one question and then a word of caution. have you ever seen a movie called little monsters starring howie mandel and fred savage?
1092	TG: but
1093	TG: the seal on the bottle is unbroken
1094	TG: are you suggesting someone put piss in my apple juice at the factory
1095	EB: all im saying is don't you think monster howie mandel has the power to do something as simple as reseal a bottle?
1096	EB: try using your brain numbnuts.
1097	TG: why did the fat kid or whoever drank it know what piss tasted like
1098	TG: i mean his reaction was nigh instantaneous
1099	EB: it was the 15th day in a row howie mandel peed in his juice.
1100	TG: ok i can accept that
1101	TG: monster B-list celebrity douchebags are cunning and persistent pranksters
1102	TG: also fred savage has a really punchable face
1103	TG: but who cares about this lets stop talking about it
1104	TG: did you get the beta yet
1105	EB: no.
1106	EB: did you?
1107	TG: man i got two copies already
1108	TG: but i dont care im not going to play it or anything the game sounds boring
1109	TG: did you see how it got slammed in game bro????
1110	EB: game bro is a joke and we both know it.
1111	TG: yeah
1112	TG: why dont you go check your mail maybe its there now
1113	EB: alright.
1114	You open the HEPHAESTUS web browser and direct it to your ironically maintained blog where you post monthly satirical reviews of GAMEBRO MAGAZINE. Your latest post is a review of the MARCH ISSUE.
1115	You've been meaning to write a review for the latest issue too, but you've been sort of dogging it. Something about the game they're reviewing just doesn't strike you as ripe for satirical purposes.
1116	In a new tab you open another one of your sites, a webcomic ironically maintained through a satirical cipher vaguely similar to that of your blog. It's called SWEET BRO AND HELLA JEFF.
1117	You have legions of devoted fans, most of whom are totally convinced of your creative persona's sincerity. Which is just how you like it.
1118	You figure as long as you're chilling at your computer you might as well see how that new MSPA story is going. You haven't looked at it in a while.
1119	"You are members of a sinister gang called the Midnight Crew. Your nefarious plots are serpentine in complexity. Your schemes, convoluted. You are planning a heist in your underground hideout.
1120	What will you do?"
1121	"Spades Slick uses OCCAM'S RAZOR to carve a circular hole into the HEIST PLANS, freeing it from the knife.
1122	You wonder what moron would jam the knife so hard into the table in the first place."
1123	"You push against the MANHOLE COVER, but it seems some unbelievable jackass has parked your GETAWAY VAN on top of it.
1124	A familiar feeling stirs. That feeling is overwhelming, soul-blackening rage.
1125	It's the sort of rage that'll make a man feel totally justified in sporting an unnecessarily elaborate assortment of fancy blades."
1126	You don't remember where you last left off, so you jump way ahead. You always forget to save your place in the story.
1127	It looks like tempers have become short in this pressure cooker already. You speculate that the tipping point may have been an ill-advised motion for a game of 52 PICKUP.
1128	Even though the adventure began recently, it's already over 3000 pages long. You just don't have time for this bullshit. You'll catch up later.
1129	Besides, it looks like someone's pestering you. You're pretty sure you know who it is.
1130	TT: In some cultures the persistent refusal of a lady's invitation to play a game with her would be a sign wanton disrespect.
1131	TT: Either that, or flagrant homosexuality.
1132	TG: what oh no
1133	TG: no look
1134	TG: im busy ok
1135	TG: ive got a lot of shit on my plate
1136	TG: i am sort of a big deal ok?
1137	TT: I know.
1138	TT: Sometimes I wonder how you are ever allowed to pay for meals in restaurants.
1139	TT: It must be hard to keep a low profile when you're always overhearing awed voices whisper, "It's that guy who has a blog."
1140	TG: seriously
1141	TG: dudes be worshipping me left and right
1142	TG: i cant hardly walk down the street without stepping over torsos of the prostrate
1143	TT: Navigating the urban landscape I'm sure is difficult enough without an obstacle course of deferential flesh and skyward asses.
1144	TT: Perhaps adapting the art of parkour to your unique environment would help?
1145	TG: yeah!
1146	TG: i mean damn
1147	TG: like theres this scruffy little shit at my feet
1148	TG: an orphan or something i dont know
1149	TG: face flush on the pavement
1150	TG: im like dude you listening for a stampede of buffalo or something?
1151	TG: he braves a look at me then gives my shoe a little kiss and scurries the fuck off
1152	TT: Heavy is the crown.
1153	TG: yeah
1154	TG: not kicking oliver twist in the fucking face every day is my gift to the world i guess
1155	TT: Breathtaking magnanimity!
1156	TG: among other things
1157	TG: i just give and fucking give
1158	TT: Indeed, nary a jewel tumbles from your wishbox of daily exploits which I imagine does not sparkle.
1159	TG: oh for fucks sake
1160	TG: youre just lobbying for me to play that dumb game
1161	TT: Baseless accusation!
1162	TG: look i am telling you
1163	TG: egbert is ALL ABOUT that game
1164	TG: he will play it with you and probably be tickled retarded about it
1165	TT: I know this very well.
1166	TT: I cannot hasten his mail's delivery, however.
1167	TG: yeah yeah
1168	TG: ill hassle him some more about it
1169	TG: and look how about this
1170	TG: if you ever find yourself in the position where your life depends on me playing that piece of shit game, then ill play
1171	TG: will that make you happy
1172	TT: More than you know.
1173	TT: It perfectly mollifies my grief over the demise of chivalry.
1174	Meanwhile in the present, in a place where the present may be a concept of dubious merit, John is spacing out.
1175	But a vague and forceful thought jolts him to attention.
1176	Or maybe it is that bumping sound coming from the other side of the door. What is that?
1177	A thick, unpleasant fluid pools from beneath the door.
1178	There is a trail of this fluid in the hall leading to your room.
1179	You've had enough of the computer for a while. You feel like you've been messing around on it all week. It's time to get your jam on.
1180	You pull up to your trusty AKAI MPC-1000 SAMPLER and prepare to get sicknasty.
1181	Left knob: volume for current sample.
1182	Right knob: master volume.
1183	Store patterns in F1, F2, F3... buttons.
1184	Those beats were so fresh they belong in the produce aisle, is what you're talkin' about. Soccer moms be thumpin' that shit for ripeness like melons. Know what I'm sayin'?
1185	After beats that fresh, it would be a crime not to reward yourself with a celebratory SWIG.
1186	2+2+1+2 %10 = 7.
1187	You can't do it!
1188	John's got you all twisted up inside now. All you can think about is Mandel's gross monster piss.
1189	Damn you, Egbert!
1190	You re-captchalogue the JUICE.
1191	Your STRIFE SPECIBUS is already allocated with the BLADEKIND ABSTRATUS! There is no need to allocate it.
1192	You can wield your sweet NINJA SWORD as a weapon once it is in your STRIFE DECK. But you will have to captchalogue it first before moving it there.
1193	The NINJA SWORD (2+1+2+2+1 + 2+2+1+2+2 = 17 % 10 = 7) occupies the same card as the JUICE (2+1+1+2+1 = 7 % 10 = 7), expelling the JUICE from your SYLLADEX.
1194	It splashes all over your TURNTABLES and your copies of the BETA.
1195	Argh!
1196	You head out to get a TOWEL from the bathroom across the hall.
1197	You glance at one of the many RADICAL PUPPETS in your BRO'S collection and nod in approval.
1198	Is there anything not awesome about your BRO? No, you think not.
1199	You enter the bathroom. There's a damp towel on the floor you can probably use for this crisis.
1200	You stop to pay a little respect to one of your BRO'S boys up there. Hey lil' man. How's it hangin'?
1201	You take the DAMP TOWEL (2+1+2+2 + 2+1+2+1+2 = 15 % 10 = 5), expelling the BOX (2+1+2 = 5 % 10 = 5).
1202	Nah, you just decide to wring this towel out into the toilet to make it less damp.
1203	It is now just a TOWEL (2+1+2+1+2 = 8 % 10 = 8).
1204	You take the TOWEL, and grab the BOX again while you're at it.
1205	You CLEAN (2+2+1+1+2 = 8) up the juice with the TOWEL and hang the damp BETA ENVELOPES on your line to dry off.
1206	In the breeze of the FAN, the betas jostle near the OPEN WINDOW.
1207	This arrangement is a little disconcerting. If they fell out, it sure would be a stupid way to lose them.
1208	The crisis is easily averted. You can't imagine it will ever resurface later in any way, shape, or form. That beta is as good as yours, forever.
1209	You should probably go pester Egbert again. You wonder if he found the beta yet. You also might chat about your respective SYLLADICES and FETCH MODI, if the topic happens to come up. You wonder if he is anywhere near as smooth with his sylladex as you are. Probably not. It's probably not even humanly possi...
1210	Suddenly a RAMBUNCTIOUS CROW flies in the open window and snatches the beta, possibly to make a nest with, or maybe just for the sake of being a brainless feathery asshole.
1211	You yell at the bird.
1212	You accidentally launch your NINJA SWORD. Everything goes flying out the window, dead bird and all.
1213	No one can ever know about this.
1214	Yeah, you can kiss all that stuff goodbye. You feel sorry for the bird, but at least you never planned on ever using that beta, ever.
1215	Anyway, now that that bit of ugliness is behind you, you guess you can look forward to several more hours of messing around in your room WHOA WAIT WHAT???
1216	You prepare to descend the stairs to your living room. You are standing eye-to-eye with a familiar foe, a 20-foot tall granite statue of the mighty wizard, ZAZZERPAN THE LEARNED. Your mother had him installed through a hole in the roof with a heavy-duty crane.
1217	Just look at that mystical gaze. To peer into those aloof, glassen eyes is to arrest the curiosity of any mortal. To behold the wisdom concealed in the furrows of that venerable face is to know the ceaseless joys of bewonderment itself. Any man so fortunate as to catch askance his merry twinkle or twitch of whisker shall surely have all his dreams fulfilled.
1218	You find this grisly abomination utterly detestable.
1219	There is nothing to psychoanalyze. Your mother clearly has no real affinity for these damnable things. She only collects them to spite you.
1220	If anything, she finds them even more repellent than you do. She's just a committed woman.
1221	You descend to the living room area of your home's expansive open layout. There is the sound of rushing water beneath the floor. It tends to strike guests as a strange presence in a living space, but it's become hardly audible to you through familiarity.
1222	There's the front door. But hopefully there's no need to make the long trek around the house in the rain. You might as well see if you can slip through the kitchen and out the back unnoticed.
1223	Ok, but it's bronze, not copper!
1224	But it wasn't always. A while ago you gave this as an ironic gift to your MOM for mother's day. You even customized it with a drink holder to support one of her ubiquitous ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES.
1225	She "liked" the gift so much, she had it bronzed and put on this pedestal. She even left it plugged in so it can still be turned on now and then. But never to do any cleaning. It never leaves this display.
1226	Sometimes at night when you are in your room, you can hear it wailing from downstairs. She MUST know you can hear it. She's completely deranged.
1227	It's too big to captchalogue!
1228	Not that you would want to move it anyway. The PRETTY PRINCESS DOLL has been sitting there for months, ever since your mother got this abomination for your birthday as a totally PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE gesture.
1229	You decided to make it much less abominable by knitting Her Majesty a new head and new arms. Now it brings a mischievous smile to your face whenever you walk by. Your mother hasn't removed the doll yet, and probably never will. She would never be the one to blink first.
1230	U > L. U < V.
1231	You're going to have a hell of a time accessing that card when you need it. You guess you'll just cross that bridge later.
1232	The LIQUOR BOTTLES are out in full force. MOM is surely nearby.
1233	That would be your REFRIGERATOR, whose surfaces have customarily served as the battlefield for a chilly siege of PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE one-upmanship.
1234	This was a drawing you did of your cat JASPERS when you were younger, along with a poem about him. Your mother bought this ostentatious $15,000 frame for it, and had it welded to the door.
1235	Using the colorful MAGNET LETTERS, you recently left a succinct message, which may or may not have been directed toward anyone in particular. But you couldn't find the letter W, so you just stuck two V's together.
1236	Your mother then purchased a fresh pack of W's and left them there for your convenience.
1237	Appreciative of the thoughtful gesture, you left her a sincere THANK YOU NOTE, which you had legally notarized, and then marked with a drop of blood.
1238	But part of it was touching the floor, so your mother was kind enough to lift the lower portion of the document with a VELVET PILLOW.
1239	This is incredibly silly, and you're not sure how it fits into your campaign against your mother, OR getting your computer back online to escape your doom!
1240	But it's hard to resist getting a little silly sometimes. Especially when you are absolutely positive no one is watching.
1241	W > L. W > V.
1242	But that unsightly void in the W pack won't do, nor will the gash in the plastic.
1243	You deposit 12 CENTS in its place, which is your approximation of the letter's value. You also make a vow to return later and neatly sew the plastic shut.
1244	You now wonder how to address the pillow situation. It seems the woman has you at a clear disadvantage.
1245	Perhaps slipping a fresh doily under the pillow will do the trick? Or maybe spilling a bit of WORCESTERSHIRE SAUCE on it, and then having it dry-cleaned and returned along with a laboriously ingratiating apology note? No, there's no time for anything like that. Or maybe (just thinking out loud here) you could use the entire pack of W's as M's? Oh yes, that would burn.
1246	But you've already done something with that W pack, and there's no need to go back and gild that lily. This is delicate business. And that pillow is screaming for rebuttal.
1247	You decide to take the VELVET PILLOW and lovingly embroider a poem in praise of MOTHERHOOD on it. Hopefully you can pull this off before she notices it's gone.
1248	Ve > L. Ve < Vi. Ve > U.
1249	But it causes your tree to be pretty badly unbalanced. It surely will AUTO-BALANCE itself in a moment.
1250	And just like that, the UMBRELLA becomes accessible in the ROOT CARD. That's one of the things you love about the TREE MODUS. The happy surprises.
1251	Ok, enough's enough. Time to get goiAUGH
1252	You don't know how she does that. You're never safe in this house.
1253	And of all things to be doing during a power outage. She's up to her IRONIC HOUSEWIFE routine again. That mop bucket doesn't even have any water in it! What an absolute madwoman.
1254	This bird's gotta fly!
1255	Lousy goddamn stupid wizards.
1256	You're almost done patching up the hole in your window with the GAFFER TAPE.
1257	But it's sort of hard to get any work done when people keep pestering you all day. You guess you better get that.
1258	GG: hi dave!!
1259	TG: hey sup
1260	GG: not much sup with you!!
1261	GG: bro! hehehe
1262	TG: haha
1263	TG: good one
1264	TG: s'alright being chill i guess you know how it goes
1265	GG: great! feeling cool today?
1266	GG: mr cool guy?
1267	TG: oh man you know it
1268	GG: sooooo cooooooool!!!
1269	TG: you know shit is ice cold up in here
1270	TG: shit is wicked bananas i am telling you
1271	GG: :D
1272	GG: so have you talked to john today???
1273	TG: yeah we were just talking a while ago about how he sucks at his sylladex
1274	TG: can you believe he uses stack that kid is ridiculous
1275	GG: lol
1276	GG: well that doesnt sound like much fun!
1277	TG: what was it you use again...
1278	TG: wait nm
1279	TG: i forgot whenever we talk about your goofy modusses i get a migrane. what do you want with john
1280	GG: :)
1281	GG: i want to tell him happy birthday and ask him about his birthday package!
1282	TG: oh yeah
1283	TG: i was being sort of cagey and told him to check the mail cause i was wondering if mine came yet
1284	GG: i think it did!
1285	TG: yeah?
1286	GG: and i think mine came too
1287	TG: so uh
1288	TG: i guess you want to know if he likes it or something?
1289	GG: no!!!!!!!
1290	GG: he will not open it
1291	GG: he will lose it!!!
1292	TG: oh
1293	TG: uh
1294	TG: wow sorry to hear that i guess?
1295	GG: no its good actually!
1296	GG: because he will find it again later when he really needs it
1297	GG: which of course is why i sent it in the first place!
1298	TG: see like
1299	TG: i never get how you know these things
1300	GG: i dont know
1301	GG: i just know that i know!
1302	TG: hmm alright
1303	GG: anyway i have to go!
1304	GG: i have to feed bec which is always a bit of an undertaking
1305	TG: man
1306	TG: if i were you i would just take that fucking devilbeast out behind the woodshed and blow its head off
1307	GG: heheheh!
1308	GG: i dont think i could if i tried!!!
1309	TG: yeah
1310	TG: say hi to your grand dad for me too ok
1311	GG: ._.
1312	GG: yes i guess an encounter with him is almost certain
1313	GG: it is usually........
1314	GG: intense!!!
1315	TG: well yeah isnt it always with family
1316	TG: but he sounds like a total badass
1317	GG: yeah he totally is!!!
1318	GG: anyway gotta go!
1319	TG: see ya
1320	GG: <3
1321	It will be handy to have your PHONE (2+2+1+2+1 = 8%10 = 8) on standby so you won't always have to go back to your computer whenever someone pesters you. This way you can TEXT MESSAGE (2+1+2+2 + 2+1+2+2+1+2+1 = 18%10 = 8) people no matter where you are or what outrageously cool thing you're up to.
1322	SO.
1323	COOL.
1324	And even meanerwhile, in the present. Sort of.
1325	Once again, the slippery antagonist eludes you. You only find more of these unpleasant oily smears.
1326	Someone is pestering you. Both your PDA and computer register the message.
1327	TG: alright
1328	TG: im out of my room now looking for my bros game
1329	EB: oh, good!
1330	EB: yeah, there is no sign of rose yet, i hope she is ok
1331	TG: well if she comes back ill be ready
1332	TG: you better know what youre talking about cause this could get ugly
1333	TG: brought my phone and i also took my awesome katana with me in case things get too hot to handle
1334	TG: and they always do
1335	EB: you mean that cheap piece of shit you have on your wall?
1336	TG: FU
1337	TG: its sharp and its awesome and its a sword
1338	TG: end of story
1339	EB: ok i don't really care.
1340	EB: i'm in my room again, i really think there's someone else in this house.
1341	EB: like monsters or something.
1342	TG: howie???
1343	EB: haha I WISH.
1344	TG: dude monsters arent real
1345	TG: thats stupid kids stuff for stupid babies
1346	EB: maybe. yeah you're right.
1347	TG: what are you an idiot
1348	TG: of course there are monsters in your house
1349	TG: youre in some weird evil monster dimension come on
1350	TG: skepticism is the crutch of cinematic troglodytes
1351	TG: like hey mom dad theres a dinosaur or a ghost or whatever in my room. "yeah right junior go back to bed"
1352	TG: fuck you mom and dad how many times are we going to watch this trope unfold it wasnt goddamn funny the first time i saw it
1353	TG: just once id like to see dad crap his pants when a kid says theres a vampire in his closet
1354	TG: "OH SHIT EVERYONE IN THE MINIVAN"
1355	TG: be fuckin dad of the year right there
1356	EB: ok ok stop!
1357	EB: what do i do?
1358	TG: what do you have a hammer
1359	TG: man so lame
1360	TG: ok whatever
1361	TG: you should look into weaponizing your sylladex
1362	TG: my bro is always getting on my case about it but man its not as easy as it sounds
1363	TG: but if youre fighting monsters left and right you dont have much choice
1364	EB: hmm...
1365	EB: ok, i guess i can read up on data structures some more.
1366	EB: how's it going there?
1367	TG: im out in the living room hes usually here
1368	TG: but i dont see him
1369	TG: might be playing his mind games hes always pulling this ninja shit
1370	TG: all i see is lil cal over there so i guess he cant be far
1371	EB: hahaha.
1372	EB: oh god.
1373	EB: SO LAME.
1374	TG: what
1375	EB: see...
1376	EB: i just don't know why you think it's cool.
1377	EB: his ventriloquist rapping thing.
1378	TG: oh lil cal? no man
1379	TG: lil cal is the shit
1380	EB: that's fine, you are entitled to your opinion, i am just saying that being a white guy who is a rapper with a ventriloquist doll is not cool by any stretch of the imagination or by any definition of word cool, ironic or otherwise. that's all i'm saying.
1381	TG: yeah bullshit
1382	TG: cal is dope
1383	TG: puppets are awesome
1384	TG: john egbert blows
1385	TG: the end
1386	EB: yeah, more like the opposite of all those things is the thing that is true!
1387	EB: i'm going to read.
1388	EB: good luck with your bro.
1389	Pff. Monsters.
1390	Only retarded babies who poop in their diapers believe in that stuff.
1391	It looks like MOM has satisfied her [S] STRIFE! quota for the day. She simply returns to her housework.
1392	No point in going out the front door anymore. Might as well head out the back, like you originally planned.
1393	You can't be this stupid pony, and frankly you can't imagine why anyone would want to!
1394	But you give the pony a begrudging pat on the snout anyway.
1395	Her name is MAPLEHOOF.
1396	You're TRYING to read, ok? This book is already unpleasant enough as it is without weird voices in your head nagging you to do things.
1397	Besides, I thought we already agreed there's no such thing as monsters.
1398	Fine, you'll interrupt your reading and turn around, but you don't see what could possibly be so oh my god it's a monster.
1399	You leave through the back door.
1400	Nearby is the TRANSFORMER which distributes electricity from the UNDERGROUND GENERATOR powered by the river flowing beneath your house.
1401	The transformer was struck by lightning though, and no longer works. You wonder if your mother has any plans to have it fixed. You guess she'd rather just play her mind games in a dark house like a weirdo.
1402	You can see the MAUSOLEUM and the PORTABLE GENERATOR across your back yard. You're almost there.
1403	You regather your items and begin the soggy trek mausoleum-ward.
1404	Retrieving the W never even crossed your mind. It's just a stupid magnet.
1405	Now why couldn't he put the bunny back in the box?
1406	The amazing victory allows you to scale the first two ACHIEVEMENT RUNGS on your ECHELADDER. You are now a PLUCKY TOT, with a new feather in your cap to show for it.
1407	The ECHELADDER rewards your bold ascent with 125 BOONDOLLARS. You waste little time in storing them in your CERAMIC PORKHOLLOW.
1408	Additionally, climbing the rungs has boosted your GEL VISCOSITY and CACHE LIMIT.
1409	By expanding your CACHE LIMIT, you've made room for all that nice grist you just collected. You now have 32 fragments of BUILD GRIST, and 10 fragments of SHALE.
1410	It seems the SHALE IMP had allocated the BUNNY to its STRIFE SPECIBUS.
1411	Sort of a stupid thing to use for a weapon, but you might as well grab it, and stick the BUNNY in your STRIFE DECK while you're at it. It will at the very least be safer there.
1412	You group the two SPECIBI in your STRIFE PORTFOLIO.
1413	No self-respecting strifer would be caught dead without one.
1414	Oddly enough, it seems breaking the SLEDGEHAMMER altered the ABSTRATUS from HAMMERKIND to HANDLEKIND, even going as far as expelling the head of your smaller HAMMER from your deck to force compliance. You didn't even notice in the heat of the battle.
1415	You grab the SLEDGEHAMMER HANDLE, expelling the useless HARLEQUIN FIGURINE.
1416	You merge the SLEDGEHAMMER HEAD with its HANDLE, and return it to your STRIFE DECK, repairing the HAMMERKIND ABSTRATUS in the process.
1417	The smaller HAMMER HANDLE is ejected from the deck, since of course handles of any sort no longer belong in there. Obviously.
1418	Dave is pestering you. But you don't have time to deal with his nonsense right now.
1419	Something is amiss in your room. You can't quite put your finger on it...
1420	You fire up the GENERATOR and drag a cord into the MAUSOLEUM.
1421	It of course would be foolish to run the GENERATOR inside a confined space. GENERATOR SAFETY is everyone's business.
1422	Sorry, Jaspers. Have to make space for the LAPTOP.
1423	Besides, your final resting place is already a mockery. You should have decomposed years ago under a bed of petunias like a normal cat. Not given to a taxidermist and fitted with a tiny, custom-tailored suit, and then stuffed in a coffin built for infants.
1424	You plug in your LAPTOP and connect to the internet signal again.
1425	Everything predictably falls out of your SYLLADEX, but you're not about to get bent out of shape about it. You have bigger fish to fry.
1426	Looks like Dave noticed you're back online. He pesters you like clockwork.
1427	And there's John. What on earth is he up to now?
1428	You're right. Didn't Rose yank the door off its hinges and prop it on your bed?
1429	Someone or something has put it back and left it slightly ajar.
1430	HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO!
1431	TG: oh there you are
1432	TG: john said your house was burning down are you on fire yet or what
1433	TT: No. For now I have retired to the safety of a smaller building which is much closer to the forest fire threatening my residence.
1434	TG: oh well thats a relief
1435	TG: john told me to get the game to help get you out of there so im working on that now
1436	TT: Working on it?
1437	TG: yeah my bros copy long story
1438	TG: hey
1439	TG: dont tell john this but i think he might have been right about the puppets
1440	TG: theyre sort of starting to freak me out a little
1441	TT: You're referring to your brother's collection?
1442	TG: i mean dont get me wrong i think its cool and all
1443	TG: the semi-ironic puppet thing or whatever
1444	TG: or semi-semi ironic
1445	TG: man i dont even know
1446	TG: im just starting to think some of this shit is going a little far and its kind of fucked up
1447	TT: I've seen his websites.
1448	TT: I like them.
1449	TG: haha yeah well YOU WOULD
1450	TG: oh man i wish lil cal wouldnt look at me like that
1451	TG: with those dead eyes jesus
1452	TG: sometimes i dream that hes real and hes talking to me and i wake up in a cold sweat and basically flip the fuck out
1453	TT: Interesting...
1454	TG: oh god why did i just tell you my dream
1455	TG: youre going to have a field day with that
1456	TT: I am currently scrawling notes furiously into one of the many psychoanalysis journals I maintain for you. Published papers forthcoming.
1457	TT: Because, you know, it's not like either of us have anything better to do at the moment than to evaluate each other's radically debilitating pathologies.
1458	TG: yeah im gonna get moving
1459	TG: oh have you heard from john
1460	TG: hes not answering me
1461	TT: He won't answer me either.
1462	TT: But I am watching him.
1463	TT: I suspect he is preoccupied with the fact that he just had a bucket of water dumped on his head by the ghost of his dead grandmother, who also happens to be dressed like a clown.
1464	TG: hahahahaha
1465	TG: alright im out
1466	TG: later
1467	JOHN: um... nanna?
1468	NANNASPRITE: Yes, dear!
1469	JOHN: wow, you scared the living daylights out of me!
1470	NANNASPRITE: Hoo hoo hoo!
1471	JOHN: well, i guess it was a really great prank. good one nanna.
1472	JOHN: anyway, are you REALLY my dead nanna?
1473	NANNASPRITE: Of course, John! I have come back to help you on your journey through The Medium and beyond! I am delighted to see what a fine young man you have turned out to be. Just like your father!
1474	JOHN: ok, i guess i will take your word for it. i don't remember you at all! my dad said i was really young when you died.
1475	JOHN: hey speaking of which, do you know where he is??? i looked everywhere for him!
1476	NANNASPRITE: Your father was kidnapped!
1477	JOHN: oh no!
1478	NANNASPRITE: When you crossed over to The Medium, he was apprehended by the very forces of darkness which your presence here has awakened.
1479	JOHN: what? ok, so what is the medium you are talking about?
1480	NANNASPRITE: It is where we are now! A realm that is a ring of pure void, dividing light and darkness. It turns in the thick of The Incipisphere, a place untouched by the flow of time in your universe.
1481	JOHN: you mean because we are inside a computer, or in the game software or something?
1482	NANNASPRITE: A computer? Why, what is that, dear? Some new fangled contraption, like the horseless auto-boxcar?
1483	JOHN: well, uh, it's like this machine that, uh...
1484	NANNASPRITE: Hoo hoo hoo! Of course I know what a computer is, John! I was just pulling your leg! Hoo hoo hoo!
1485	JOHN: oh, ok.
1486	NANNASPRITE: No, John. You are not inside a computer or software or anything like that! Try not to be so linear, dear. The software that brought you here was merely a mechanism that served as a gateway! Its routines in a way served to invoke this realm's instance, yet it stands independently of any physical machine, and somewhat paradoxically, always has!
1487	JOHN: i'm not sure i get it, but alright.
1488	JOHN: so what do i actually need to be doing here?
1489	NANNASPRITE: I think it would be best if we started with the big picture!
1490	NANNASPRITE: Above The Medium, beyond The Seven Gates, residing at the core of The Incipisphere is a place known as Skaia.
1491	NANNASPRITE: Legend holds that Skaia exists as a dormant crucible of unlimited creative potential. What does this mean, you ask? I'm afraid my lips are sealed about that, dear! Hoo hoo!
1492	NANNASPRITE: But needless to say, where a realm of such profound importance is concerned, forces of light will forever be charged with its defense, while forces of darkness will just as persistently covet its destruction!
1493	NANNASPRITE: And as it so happens, at the center of this realm whose fate is in question, these very forces duel on a stage, stuck in eternal stalemate.
1494	NANNASPRITE: Yes, they have dueled in this manner forever... that is, until you showed up!
1495	JOHN: ME??
1496	NANNASPRITE: Yes, you, John!
1497	NANNASPRITE: Before your mishap with my ashes, you may recall the Sprite's previous incarnation, which resulted from its Kernel's "hatching".
1498	NANNASPRITE: You see, this hatching occurs automatically in response to your arrival! The result is a pair of Kernels, one dark, one light, each carrying the information they were prototyped with before the hatch!
1499	NANNASPRITE: One goes down, to a kingdom entrenched in darkness. The other, up, to a kingdom basking in light! Each comes to rest in an Orb atop a Spire, of which there are three others in kind. The Four Spires are situated above a throne, and these two thrones preside over the two respective Sovereign Powers!
1500	NANNASPRITE: And once the Kernels are situated, that is when the game is afoot. The true war begins, light versus dark, good versus evil.
1501	NANNASPRITE: This is a war that the forces of light are always destined to lose, without exception!
1502	JOHN: wow, really? then what's the point?
1503	NANNASPRITE: That remains for you to find out, dear! For you see, the journey you are about to take is The Ultimate Riddle!
1504	JOHN: whoa!!!
1505	NANNASPRITE: For now, your objective is to proceed towards Skaia, and pass through The First Gate situated directly above your house, not even terribly far! The Gates will become progressively more difficult to reach, so you had better be prepared to sharpen your adventuring skills!
1506	JOHN: how am i supposed to get up there?
1507	NANNASPRITE: You build!
1508	JOHN: ok, i think i get it now!
1509	JOHN: so i guess the battle against good and evil is sort of irrelevant? well, i don't know, that all sounds kind of weird, but in any case, we build the house to get to these gates, and then i can save my dad!
1510	NANNASPRITE: Yes, John!
1511	JOHN: and then after that, we solve this ultimate riddle thing and save earth from destruction!!!
1512	NANNASPRITE: Oh no, I'm afraid not!
1513	NANNASPRITE: Your planet is done for, dear! There is nothing you can do about that!
1514	JOHN: oh...
1515	NANNASPRITE: Your purpose is so much more important than saving that silly old planet, though!
1516	JOHN: and that is?
1517	NANNASPRITE: HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO!
1518	NANNASPRITE: John, you are such a good boy! I know you will succeed.
1519	JOHN: thanks, nanna.
1520	NANNASPRITE: You are a good boy, and good boys deserve treats!
1521	JOHN: hooray!
1522	NANNASPRITE: I am going to go bake you some cookies.
1523	JOHN: ...
1524	Oh God dammit, that's just what you need. More baked goods.
1525	You totally abjure the hell out of that idea.
1526	You're so busy abjuring, you don't even notice Rose has been trying to pester you this whole time.
1527	You give John a swift drubbing in the noggin, but he is undeterred!
1528	That is some fit he is throwing.
1529	Perhaps you will take this spare moment to contemplate the Nannasprite's strange tale. It may also behoove you to record your thoughts on these developments in your GameFaqs walkthrough/journal. It can be hard finding time to update it. In fact, you're not even sure where you found the time to write what's already there!
1530	Oh is that so, Jaspers? And just who do you think you're looking at with that smug grin???
1531	The last thing you need is sass from a dead cat. It's pretty much all his fault you're in this mess in the first place, so he can just button it.
1532	You refuse outright!
1533	Well when you put it so politely, how can John decline??
1534	You really need to work on your manners.
1535	That's not a command. It's nothing.
1536	It's stupid.
1537	You're stupid.
1538	It's just not going to happen buddy!
1539	But really not enough to write home about.
1540	An agitated finger slips mid-keystroke.
1541	She's not finished with this yet! Jeez, cut her some slack.
1542	Maybe you could go bug someone somewhere else for a while? Or at the very least, somewhen else.
1543	GG: hi happy birthday rose!!! <3
1544	TT: Hello, and thanks.
1545	GG: did you get johns present yet?
1546	TT: I just opened it this very moment. What a stunning coincidence you would ask about it now. I am stunned.
1547	GG: yeah i know!!
1548	GG: what will you make with it?
1549	TT: And who said it was something from which something else could be made?
1550	GG: well john did tell me what it was duh.....
1551	TT: I suppose I'll take a stab at learning the craft.
1552	TT: It's the least I can do in response to the subtle dig concealed in his gesture.
1553	TT: He often tells me I "need a new hobby" when I make perfectly reasonable analytical remarks.
1554	GG: oh but rose i dont think he meant anything like that by it!!
1555	GG: you see not everybody always means the opposite of what they say the way you and dave always do
1556	TT: Maybe.
1557	TT: His birthday is in a few months, isn't it?
1558	GG: yep!
1559	GG: i finally finished a present for him
1560	GG: ive been working on it for years!!!!
1561	TT: Years?
1562	TT: It's so hard to tell when you're joking.
1563	TT: Or if you're even capable of it.
1564	GG: heheheh.... :)
1565	GG: i just mailed it too so it is sure to get there on time
1566	GG: mail takes a while to get anywhere from here!!!
1567	TT: I'll probably craft something with strong sentimental value.
1568	TT: That should burn him.
1569	GG: i dont think you really mean that!
1570	TT: I guess not.
1571	TT: So, shall I expect a green package dropped to my house via airmail from whatever screwball cranny of the globe you're tucked into?
1572	GG: err.......
1573	GG: no :(
1574	GG: sorry but you are sort of hard shop for <_<
1575	GG: besides i have something for you today that i think you will like better than some thing in a box!
1576	TT: Oh?
1577	GG: it is a tip!!!!
1578	TT: This is already intriguing enough to compensate for the grave scarcity of lavish gifts parachuting from the sky. Please go on.
1579	GG: did you have a pet a long time ago that died?
1580	TT: Yes.
1581	GG: ok well how did you feel about your cat, did you love him a lot?
1582	TT: "ok well", I didn't mention it was a cat, or that it was a male. Let's pretend I'm surprised and you're embarrassed and move on.
1583	TT: To answer your question, I would describe my feelings toward the animal as lukewarm.
1584	GG: ummmmm ok....
1585	GG: thats fine!!!
1586	GG: it doesnt really matter i think, just.....
1587	GG: what if someone told you you could play a game that would bring him back to life?
1588	TT: If someone told me that, I would regard the remark with a great deal of skepticism.
1589	TT: If that someone was you, on the other hand, then I would have to ask preemptively:
1590	TT: Is that someone you?
1591	GG: yes that someone is me!!!!!!!!
1592	GG: i just thought you might find it interesting
1593	TT: So what is this game?
1594	GG: oh i dont know
1595	GG: im just saying is all
1596	GG: i think youll hear about it later and maybe you can talk to john and dave about it
1597	GG: they are way more into all that stuff than i am!!!!
1598	TT: I'll see what the word on the street is about it. In due time.
1599	TT: For now I should probably order a copy of Knitting for Assholes. It would be a shame if I ran late with John's present.
1600	You captchalogue your KATANA (2+1+2+1+2+1 = 9%10 = 9) and prepare to venture out into the apartment to retrieve your BRO's copy of the game.
1601	But first, maybe...
1602	Just maybe...
1603	Dude, that bird is long gone. It probably won't last long in this heat anyway.
1604	You don't even know what's up with this sick heat. The sun threatens to set but won't step off. It's staring you down, like the big red eye of a hot needle skipping on a groove its tracing 'round the earth. While lingering in midair its heat seems to suspend time itself, stretching it like warped vinyl. It's meant to rain this season but there ain't been a drop in sight. Even a little drizzle would help. Might help to fizzle this sizzle a little bizzle, set the record straight on this global turn-tizzle.
1605	"So don't change the dizzle, turn it up a little
1606	I got a living room full of fine dime brizzles
1607	Waiting on the Pizzle, the Dizzle and the Shizzle
1608	G's to the bizzack, now ladies here we gizzo
1609	When the pimp's in the crib ma
1610	Drop it like it's hot
1611	Drop it like it's hot
1612	Drop it like it's hot..."
1613	-English Romantic poet, John Keats
1614	Sorry little dude, coming through. Gotta put you down for a bit.
1615	You figure you've left him hanging long enough.
1616	You barge in and see a familiar face. A friendly face.
1617	You stand in the living room. Your BRO spends most of his days in here. At night he crashes on the FUTON over there. You don't see him anywhere though.
1618	There's the PUPPET CHEST he stores LIL' CAL in when he takes him out on gigs. But when he's home he usually leaves CAL on display somewhere. And with good reason cause CAL is totally sweet.
1619	So sweet.
1620	Man.
1621	It's your brother's MR. T PUPPET, which of course is kept in the apartment with a sense of profound humorous irony. But as usual with your BRO's exploits, this is no ordinary irony, or anything close to a pedestrian TIER 1 IRONIC GESTURE which is a meager single step removed from sincerity. This is like ten levels of irony removed from the original joke. It might have been funny like eight years ago to joke about Mr. T and how he was sort of lame, but that was the very thing that made him awesome and badass, and that his awesomeness was also sort of the joke. But in this case, the joke is the joke, and that degree of irony itself is ALSO the joke, and so on.
1622	Only highly adept satirical ninjas like you and your BRO can appreciate stuff like this. It's cool taking stuff that other people think is funny but you know really isn't, and making it funny again by adding subtle strata of irony which are utterly undetectable to the untrained eye.
1623	Also, for good measure, Mr. T is wearing a LEATHER THONG and handcuffed to a pantsless CHUCK NORRIS PUPPET.
1624	God you hope you can be as good as your BRO at this some day. You'd never tell him that though.
1625	CAL's nowhere in sight. All you see is a bunch of your BRO's weird nude puppets strewn around haphazardly.
1626	You...
1627	You guess these things are kinda cool.
1628	Sort of...
1629	It looks like your BRO was playing. It's not like him to leave in the middle of some totally intense gaming.
1630	Not like him to misplace CAL either... man you hope the little guy's alright.
1631	Oh there you are dude. Didn't see you there.
1632	We be chill today, Cal? Yeah you better fuckin' believe we be chill.
1633	Cal is the man.
1634	You fail to resist the urge.
1635	You start thrashing up stunts something uncannybrutal on your quest for "MAD SNACKS YO" and get this way rude hunger under control. Shit is basically flying off the hook. It's like shit wants nothing to do with that hook. The hook is dead to that shit.
1636	But you get stuck in some poorly modeled 3D fixture or something. Like a railing or a piece of the wall? You'll have to reset.
1637	Fuck this shit.
1638	Aw man you almost forgot. Gotta give the C-man some props.
1639	Your BRO has so much sweet gear it's hard to keep up with it all sometimes. Here's his computer setup. He's usually got a lot of stuff cooking on here at any given moment.
1640	Since he's not around you might as well sneak a peep.
1641	Your BRO's computer is password protected of course to protect all the incredible top secret shit he's got on the burners.
1642	Of course you know what the password is, and he knows you know it, and you're both cool with that because the password is the most awesome thing it can be.
1643	You enter the password. On the desktop is a hodgepodge of unnamed folders to store all the stuff he's working on. No one can decipher his organization system but him.
1644	He also tends to use the application COMPLETE BULLSHIT to keep up with the ludicrous amount of websites and news feeds he monitors to stay hip to the scene.
1645	This is COMPLETE BULLSHIT.
1646	Your BRO keeps up with your projects in his aggregator, just like you keep up with his. He's tuned into your various blogs, and of course SWEET BRO AND HELLA JEFF.
1647	You navigate to the LATEST COMIC in one of the many BULLSHIT FEEDBANDS.
1648	Another one of your BRO's many ironic websites. The difference here is he rakes in thousands of dollars a month through this enterprise.
1649	SMUPPETS are a multi-billion dollar a year enterprise, and it's awfully hard to resist taking a firm squeeze from the plump udder of that cash cow.
1650	You guess you've messed around on his computer long enough. Better get a move on before it's too late for Rose, or worse yet, your BRO catches you.
1651	But my God... the rumps. They are transfixing.
1652	You know this is ironic and all, and your BRO reaches echelons of irony you could only dream of daring to fathom. But on rare occasions, when your guard is down, it all seems just a tad unsettling to you.
1653	Oh. Uh...
1654	Hey...
1655	Hey there, Cal.
1656	You are sort of starting to flip the fuck out.
1657	Without losing your cool of course.
1658	You get Egbert on the line again to give him the lowdown on your progress. You feel it's important to keep the wires hot.
1659	But he's not answering. You wonder what that guy is up to.
1660	TG: hey what is up
1661	TG: what happened with the monster that is totally definitely in your room did you kill it
1662	TG: where are you man
1663	TG: anyway
1664	TG: things are cool here
1665	TG: totally cool
1666	TG: puppets are still awesome
1667	TG: no problems with them or anything
1668	TG: like
1669	TG: just
1670	TG: really really awesome
1671	Looks like Rose is finally logged in again.
1672	Didn't John say her house was burning down? You wonder if she's on fire yet or what.
1673	TG: oh there you are
1674	TG: john said your house was burning down are you on fire yet or what
1675	TT: No. For now I have retired to the safety of a smaller building which is much closer to the forest fire threatening my residence.
1676	TG: oh well thats a relief
1677	TG: john told me to get the game to help get you out of there so im working on that now
1678	TT: Working on it?
1679	TG: yeah my bros copy long story
1680	TG: hey
1681	TG: dont tell john this but i think he might have been right about the puppets
1682	TG: theyre sort of starting to freak me out a little
1683	TT: You're referring to your brother's collection?
1684	TG: i mean dont get me wrong i think its cool and all
1685	TG: the semi-ironic puppet thing or whatever
1686	TG: or semi-semi ironic
1687	TG: man i dont even know
1688	TG: im just starting to think some of this shit is going a little far and its kind of fucked up
1689	TT: I've seen his websites.
1690	TT: I like them.
1691	TG: haha yeah well YOU WOULD
1692	TG: oh man i wish lil cal wouldnt look at me like that
1693	TG: with those dead eyes jesus
1694	TG: sometimes i dream that hes real and hes talking to me and i wake up in a cold sweat and basically flip the fuck out
1695	TT: Interesting...
1696	TG: oh god why did i just tell you my dream
1697	TG: youre going to have a field day with that
1698	TT: I am currently scrawling notes furiously into one of the many psychoanalysis journals I maintain for you. Published papers forthcoming.
1699	TT: Because, you know, it's not like either of us have anything better to do at the moment than to evaluate each other's radically debilitating pathologies.
1700	TG: yeah im gonna get moving
1701	TG: oh have you heard from john
1702	TG: hes not answering me
1703	TT: He won't answer me either.
1704	TT: But I am watching him.
1705	TT: I suspect he is preoccupied with the fact that he just had a bucket of water dumped on his head by the ghost of his dead grandmother, who also happens to be dressed like a clown.
1706	TG: hahahahaha
1707	TG: alright im out
1708	TG: later
1709	TT: John, what are you doing?
1710	TT: Snap out of it.
1711	TT: We ought to discuss what your grandmother told you, don't you think?
1712	TT: Fine. Enjoy your stupor.
1713	TT: I'll go about my business elsewhere.
1714	TT: John, whenever you read this, you should know I put the shale you collected to use and finally deployed the Punch Designix.
1715	TT: It is in your study.
1716	TT: I can only drop it though. You'll have to be the one to mess around with it and see what it does.
1717	TT: When you're finished with your weird histrionics, maybe you could give it a try?
1718	TT: I'm updating my walkthrough, and it would help to know what it does.
1719	TT: Also, I should probably warn you that your house and yard are completely infested with monsters now. Try to be careful.
1720	EB: so i can see.
1721	EB: stupid lousy imps.
1722	EB: they're mucking up all my cool stuff!
1723	TT: Oh, there you are.
1724	EB: oh, yeah.
1725	EB: sorry!
1726	EB: i'm not sure what came over me there, i was acting really crazy for some reason.
1727	EB: but my head feels like it's clearing up, i think i'm alright now.
1728	You are getting way better at this sort of thing.
1729	Thank God your sanity has returned so you can entertain extremely rational, coherent thoughts like this one.
1730	You examine the POGO RIDE from the bathroom window. You do not like what you see.
1731	Those sons of bitches. NO ONE risks painful injury on your GREEN SLIME GHOST POGO RIDE.
1732	No one but YOU.
1733	EB: rose my piano!!!
1734	EB: :C
1735	TT: Sorry.
1736	TT: No nuance to these controls at all.
1737	TT: I was hoping to bludgeon the imp without letting go of it. Guess I can't really do that.
1738	TT: A broken piano isn't the end of the world though.
1739	EB: i guess you're right.
1740	TT: You'll need to pick up the spoils in person. I can't interact with the grist.
1741	EB: so...
1742	EB: that means i have to go out the back door?
1743	TT: Yes. Is there a problem?
1744	EB: well it may sound dumb, but i was hoping to avoid nanna and her spooky ghost cookies.
1745	TT: You're right, that does sound dumb.
1746	EB: can you see her in the kitchen?
1747	TT: Yeah.
1748	EB: what's she doing, is she baking?
1749	TT: You could say that.
1750	EB: are you SURE you can't get that grist up to me somehow?
1751	TT: Maybe.
1752	Doesn't look like that GRIST is going anywhere.
1753	You just never know with these gaming abstractions.
1754	TT: There you go.
1755	TT: Now why don't you check out the Designix?
1756	TT: You can do that while I get to work.
1757	EB: on what?
1758	The piano in its valiant effort has unfortunately been slain.
1759	But if it hadn't, it would have raked in so many BOONDOLLARS, you have no idea.
1760	SO MANY.
1761	TT: Nanna said to build, so that's what I'm doing.
1762	EB: oh yeah. ok.
1763	TT: But this sure is going to take a lot of grist.
1764	TT: Looks like you're going to be busy, John.
1765	EB: blargh!
1766	EB: well, what are you building?
1767	TT: Stairs.
1768	TT: They are fairly expensive actually.
1769	EB: oh man...
1770	EB: i could have warned you about stairs, rose!
1771	TT: I'll try recouping some of the grist from the catwalk I built earlier.
1772	EB: IT KEEPS HAPENING
1773	TT: Ah, good. Looks like I can get a refund for earlier allocations.
1774	EB: i told you rose
1775	EB: i TOLD you about stairs!
1776	TT: Ok.
1777	TT: Consider me fully briefed on the matter of stairs.
1778	TT: Now if you don't mind, it's hard enough to concentrate on this without immersing ourselves in Strider's non sequitur.
1779	EB: did you know he thinks puppets are cool?
1780	TT: Does he?
1781	EB: he's so dumb!!
1782	Ok, you obviously don't have enough grist yet for something that ambitious. But you can get started with something of a foundation for upward construction, at least.
1783	No imps in here. Just a lot of SHAVING CREAM.
1784	Dads love shaving. It's basically all they do. (When they're not baking, that is.)
1785	You captchalogue two cans of SHAVING CREAM just in case. You never know when you'll need to bust out a hilarious SHAVING CREAM SANTA BEARD to ratchet up your PRANKSTER'S GAMBIT.
1786	Your TELESCOPE goes flying out the window.
1787	It's a little cramped in here for any sort of proper reckless pogoing. You'll just grab it and hang on to it until the right moment presents itself.
1788	The TOWEL floats back down to the rack.
1789	The circle of stupidity is complete.
1790	It looks like the imps have taken a shining to the CRUXTRUDER.
1791	Cruxite and black goo. Everywhere.
1792	Well ok, it's not a Slimer pogo, but you mount it anyway and brandish your deadly armaments.
1793	This is incredibly dangerous!
1794	Let's see how they like the old doublebarrel latherblaster WHOOPS OH SHIT.
1795	DON'T MOVE OR THE POGO GETS IT
1796	The REFRIGERATOR skyrockets up the ECHELADDER to a new rung: FIVESTAR GENERAL ELECTRIC and earns 285 BOONDOLLARS.
1797	Things are really looking up for this feisty appliance.
1798	For some reason you feel a sense of positive reinforcement. Wherever that feeling is coming from, it sure is a welcome change from your erratic moods earlier.
1799	TT: I blocked the entrance to the study to give you some space to work with the Designix.
1800	TT: John, imps behind you.
1801	TT: Should I take care of it?
1802	TT: You trapped your PDA again, didn't you.
1803	TT: Why did you have to pick up all that stupid shaving cream?
1804	TT: So pointless.
1805	Oblivious to the commotion behind you, suddenly you find yourself pondering the whereabouts of a CAN OPENER.
1806	You think there is probably one in the kitchen, but the path is blocked by your REFRIGERATOR.
1807	John is completely unresponsive.
1808	What the hell is that nincompoop doing???
1809	But let's not get totally carried away here.
1810	A studious eye darts about a page like a honeybee gathering the nectar of wisdom.
1811	http://tinyurl.com/0413sprite
1812	http://tinyurl.com/0413power
1813	http://tinyurl.com/0413internet
1814	http://tinyurl.com/0413build
1815	http://tinyurl.com/0413prototype
1816	http://tinyurl.com/0413disconnect
1817	http://tinyurl.com/0413nanna
1818	http://tinyurl.com/0413weirdo
1819	http://tinyurl.com/0413designix
1820	http://tinyurl.com/0413grist
1821	http://tinyurl.com/0413up
1822	http://tinyurl.com/0413steed
1823	http://tinyurl.com/0413barbasolbandit
1824	http://tinyurl.com/0413really
1825	http://tinyurl.com/0413hmm
1826	TT: Ladders seem to be a bit cheaper than stairs.
1827	Yes, it seems so.
1828	It is unfortunate.
1829	I guess.
1830	What are we talking about again?
1831	Thanks for the courtesy.
1832	It's not really necessary, but thanks anyway.
1833	Ok.
1834	Wait, where did all this sweet loot come from?
1835	And why is there suddenly a crumpled hat on your head?
1836	Feeling especially economical with your behavior suddenly, you scoop up all the grist in the room, and turn your attention to the PUNCH DESIGNIX all in one fell swoop.
1837	The device features a counter-top station design with a KEYBOARD SETUP, not unlike an old fashioned computer. There is a blinking red light, and a DIAGRAM etched into a panel.
1838	TG: ok wait hold on why am i getting this stupid game for you
1839	TG: youre the one who should be wrist deep in puppet ass
1840	TT: What is the specific problem?
1841	TG: the problem is i am up to my goddamn neck in fucking puppet dong
1842	TT: You know you like the mannequin dick. Accept it.
1843	TG: i am enrobed in chafing, wriggling god fucking damned puppet pelvis
1844	TG: an obscenely long, coarse kermit cock is being dragged across my anguished face
1845	TT: Let's put this into perspective. You put up with the puppet prostate because you love it.
1846	TT: Also, coarse is a good word.
1847	TG: you dont seem to harbor any sympathy for the fact that ive burrowed fuck deep into lively, fluffy muppet buttock
1848	TG: im whirling in the terrible cyclone at the epicenter of my own personal holocaust of twitching foam noses
1849	TG: its like a fucking apocalypse of perky proboscis here
1850	TG: like
1851	TG: the proboscalypse i guess
1852	TT: Are you going to start rapping about this?
1853	TG: what no
1854	TG: no listen
1855	TT: Prong of flesh bereft of home
1856	TT: Found solace 'twixt a cleft of foam.
1857	TG: no oh jesus
1858	TT: Of apocalypse your thoughts eclipse
1859	TT: A painted pair of parted lips
1860	TT: That dare through kiss to stir the air
1861	TT: That teases tufts of orange hair.
1862	TT: And though faces flush in lovers' fits,
1863	TT: Hands snug in plush as gloves befit.
1864	TG: ok dickinson if you can shut your perfumey trap for a half second
1865	TG: this is serious
1866	TG: i am just saying
1867	TG: if i see one more soft bulbous bottom being like
1868	TG: kind of jutting out and impudent or whatever
1869	TG: im gonna fly off the handle
1870	TG: im gonna do some sort of acrobatic fucking PIROUETTE off the handle and win like a medal or some shit
1871	TT: Then let's hope there will be a squishy derriere somewhere below the handle to break your fall.
1872	You flip over the top card containing your POGO RIDE. Any time you captchalogue something, a new code appears on the back of the card. You've always wondered what the code was for.
1873	Damn these things are hard to read. But then, you've never really found any reason to decipher them.
1874	Until now, perhaps?
1875	Looks like cards from your STRIFE DECK have codes too.
1876	You enter the code "DQMmJLeK" into the KEYBOARD. At least you think that's what the code is.
1877	The red light switches off. A green light begins blinking.
1878	In the interest of due diligence, you enter the other code and repeat the process with that card too.
1879	Both cards are now punched with different hole patterns.
1880	Oh, well that should just be a simple matter of...
1881	Uh oh. It looks like it's trapped now. You don't see how you can access the item anymore, or store a new item there for that matter. These cards are pretty much useless now, and the items they contain are toast!
1882	But maybe all is not lost. Recalling from your experience with the PRE-PUNCHED CARD, you may be able to use the cards to replicate the items in question.
1883	Assuming you got the codes right, that is...
1884	Not quite through with your cowboy empiricism just yet, you mash at the KEYBOARD to generate a random code.
1885	You enter "dskjhsdk". The DESIGNIX stops you after eight characters, which appears to be the maximum length for a code. The green light goes on, signaling its readiness for a card.
1886	You figure you might as well burn the SHAVING CREAM since the product is not exactly at a premium in your household. You also figure you might as well merge the two cans on to one card.
1887	You're a little sad that your DAD isn't around for this. You have a feeling he would get a real kick out of the idea of duplicating more SHAVING CREAM.
1888	You punch the card with a pattern that is in no way related to the code for the item it contains. This should make for an interesting experiment.
1889	Mad science is a lot of fun.
1890	Unfortunately, you just burned another card in the process. Your deck is really dwindling now. Maybe you should have thought this through a little better.
1891	On the plus side, you just freed up your PDA, which is overflowing with the pent-up chatter of anxious pesterers.
1892	TG: PUPPETS
1893	TG: AWESOME
1894	TG: THATS REALLY ALL THERE IS TO SAY ON THE MATTER
1895	TT: John, I'm about to throw a bath tub through your wall.
1896	TT: Watch out.
1897	EB: wow, that was so totally unnecessary!
1898	TT: I made a shortcut upstairs. I thought it would be a good idea to get up there and try the cards as soon as possible.
1899	TT: Also, you weren't being terribly responsive.
1900	EB: you mean these stairs?
1901	EB: man, look at these shitty stairs...
1902	EB: they're so narrow! i'm supposed to climb those?
1903	TT: They're perfectly navigable.
1904	TT: I'm saving on grist for now.
1905	TT: If you keep slaying foes, collecting grist, and expanding the cache limit, we may not need to be so economical with our resources in the future.
1906	EB: so why didn't you just build a way up through that hole into my dad's room?
1907	TT: Have you ever been in there?
1908	EB: no.
1909	TT: Exactly.
1910	EB: huh?
1911	TT: I'd rather not get sidetracked.
1912	TT: I'm more interested in further exploring the mechanics of the game than watching you discover what sort outlandish harlequin decor your father keeps in his room.
1913	EB: oh come on. what's the big deal, i'll just climb up and go right through!
1914	TT: Will you?
1915	EB: yeah, why not?
1916	TT: Are you saying you've never wondered what's in there? Or why it's been kept a secret from you?
1917	EB: well, i mean yeah...
1918	TT: Then trust me. You won't be going "right on through."
1919	EB: wait, are you saying there's something, like...
1920	EB: troubling in there?
1921	TT: I don't know.
1922	EB: what do you mean? what do you see in there?
1923	TT: I can't see in there.
1924	EB: oh.
1925	TT: But I don't have a very good feeling about it.
1926	EB: pfff...
1927	EB: whatever!
1928	EB: i think i can handle a few more stupid clown paintings.
1929	You swoop up the bountiful supply of grist generated by your co-player's recent exploits. From now on it will probably go without saying that you'll nab any grist lying around without making a big fuss over it.
1930	You check out the busted SAFE, which has made a noble sacrifice in battle. Some of your father's odds and ends have spilled out, including some old NEWSPAPER CLIPPINGS, and two rather hefty TOMES. It's a fair bet that these books comprised at least half the weight of the safe.
1931	It's another copy of COLONEL SASSACRE'S DAUNTING TEXT OF MAGICAL FRIVOLITY AND PRACTICAL JAPERY. This one looks really old, perhaps an original printing. Could it be the same one involved with your grandmother's unfortunate accident on that fateful day? DAD would never speak a word about it, but maybe NANNA wouldn't be so tight-lipped?
1932	You give it a cursory perusal. It appears to be similar to your reprinting, listing all the japes and chicanery you have come to know and love. You captchalogue it, thinking you may give it a closer look later.
1933	You take a look at the other book. You're sure DAD thought this was a scintillating read, but it looks pretty boring to you. Maybe you'll crack into it some day when you're old enough to shave.
1934	Everything in this safe was obviously very important to your father. You wonder why he kept it locked away from you?
1935	Some things about him you will never understand.
1936	It seems he has been collecting scraps from the news over the years. These articles go back decades.
1937	You guess this is the combination to the safe.
1938	This is completely useless.
1939	You guess these are all zeros? Or are they capital O's? Zeros would probably make more sense for an empty card, you think.
1940	TT: Wait, John, before you punch that.
1941	TT: Oh.
1942	TT: I was about to say.
1943	TT: If you first took note of the code, then removed the card from the card, you could have punched the blank one.
1944	TT: You would have only burned one card instead of two.
1945	EB: oh yeah, you're right.
1946	EB: dammit!
1947	What?
1948	The two card sylladex: inventory of dumbasses.
1949	The Colonel soars to new heights on his ECHELADDER, reaching the rung: ONE MAN JULEP VACUUM, and pockets 9550 BOONDOLLARS.
1950	Chump change for the genteel, aristocratic southern colonel.
1951	The BATHTUB surges heroically and surpasses the rung: ARCHIMEDES' AQUACRADLE, proceeding directly to vaunted rung: TAFT-JAMMER. The tub makes off with a cool 490 BOONDOLLARS.
1952	The tub's BASIN CAPACITY remains unaffected.
1953	The SAFE was slain in battle. A great flaming nautical pyre carries it off to VAULTHALLA.
1954	You're not sure. They look pretty precarious to you.
1955	But you've been assured the stairs are perfectly navigable.
1956	Lousy goddamn stupid stairs!
1957	You wander over to the place where your BRO keeps his sweet turntable gear. Man that setup is sweet. You feel pangs of jealousy whenever you walk by it. Really cool jealousy, though. Like the kind where instead of getting all worked up about it, you don't actually give a shit.
1958	One of your brother's rad and extremely expensive NINJA SWORDS is missing though.
1959	You know this drill all too well. Trouble's a brewin'.
1960	What sword?
1961	You approach the exit.
1962	There's something on the door you haven't seen before. Looks like one of your BRO'S ironic comics he left for you to check out.
1963	Ok, some of this stuff you KNOW he's just leaving around to get under your skin. This is obviously another ploy in his relentless siege of one-upsmanship to get your goat (the same goat you've been meaning to bleat like ironically, but that will still have to wait for a more appropriate time).
1964	You think he knows that deep down you feel like you're still not ironic enough to get stuff like this, and this is probably some weird gauntlet he's throwing down to see if you will "GET IT".
1965	But honestly you think this material is just a little TOO ironic. You just don't need to see this shit right now.
1966	No sign of BRO in here either.
1967	Well, aside from the absurd quantity of awesome dangerous stuff he leaves lying around.
1968	With an escalating sense of threat, you think it's time you SHIFT (9) your KATANA (9) to your specibus.
1969	You figure it's better to free up the card anyway, since you might need to grab some of this stuff.
1970	You guess BRO stuck some FAKE BLOOD CAPSULES in that puppet? Pretty gross.
1971	You spot one of your BRO'S many WEBCAMS nearby, recording the incident.
1972	It seems you may have just been an unwitting accessory to some sort of grisly puppet snuff film. You're not totally sure how you feel about that.
1973	This might be the only thing in the whole apartment that's a bigger piece of shit than your own sword.
1974	You put it back behind the microwave where it belongs.
1975	It's just sort of bouncing around in there.
1976	You're making a bit of a mess now.
1977	See, like, his hobbies are cool and all, and you guess he's got to put his shit SOMEWHERE. But what if you just wanted to heat up a burrito or something?
1978	This kitchen is pretty much useless.
1979	You captchalogue all the FIREWORKS (2+1+2+1+2+1+2+2+2 = 15%10 = 5) the sink has to offer.
1980	You just KNOW these are going to come in handy. Why would they be in the sink if they weren't?
1981	Looks like one of them is still stuck in the GARBAGE DISPOSAL.
1982	You grab the SHURIKENS (5) and...
1983	Hey! Careful where you're putting stuff, especially if you're looking to turn your sylladex into a powder-keg full of sharp things.
1984	You put the BOX OF FIREWORKS (3) back into card 5 and prepare to start ov...
1985	Or card 3, apparently. That settles that, you guess.
1986	You take the NUNCHAKU (3), once again grabbing without thinking ahead.
1987	First you captchalogue the BOX (5) again, while adeptly avoiding the SHURIKEN trap, which you yourself set only moments ago.
1988	You again round up all the FIREWORKS. Time to regroup here.
1989	You grab each SHURIKEN (3) one at a time, knocking out those NUNCHAKU.
1990	But no worries. You've got a plan.
1991	You take the NUNCHUCKS (6). Everything seems to be in order now.
1992	It would have been badass to go with the authentic Japanese names for each weapon, but sometimes you've just got to compromise with this modus.
1993	You flip over your FETCH MODUS and check out the back.
1994	You're not really sure where it is you're keeping this thing. Oh well, who cares.
1995	Oh hell no. Not after all that trouble you went through to get that stuff situated.
1996	This is potentially a very dangerous button.
1997	First you program your modus with a SCRABBLE POINTS HASH FUNCTION, adding it to the list.
1998	A=1; B=3; C=3; D=2; E=1; F=4; G=2; H=4; I=1; J=8; K=5; L=1; M=3; N=1; O=1; P=3; Q=10; R=1; S=1; T=1; U=1; V=4; W=4; X=8; Y=4; Z=10;
1999	This might be a cool function to use, but it looks like you'll have to empty your sylladex to select it. You're just not gonna do that yet. No way.
2000	Ok.
2001	And just what is this guy so happy about? What's he looking at up there?
2002	You think if you see one more soft, bulbous bottom being like
2003	kind of jutting out and impudent or whatever
2004	you're gonna fly off the handle.
2005	You take the SKATEBOARD (6).
2006	Actually, no you don't. A collision has been detected.
2007	You take the... uh...
2008	WHEELED...
2009	uh...
2010	RIDE (7).
2011	Man, your inventory's nomenclature is getting lamer by the minute.
2012	You take the POWER CORD (5)... wait, no. Not going to work.
2013	You take the BATTERY PACK (8). Dammit.
2014	You take the BATTERY PACK (9), using the 'Y' as a consonant. Your sylladex reluctantly accepts.
2015	It's a tactic notoriously employed by hashmap noobs, but you just don't care about that now. Besides, it's not like your BRO is around to see.
2016	Oh, it was just Lil' Cal again. You can never stay mad at him.
2017	Anyway, you've got to get this way rude hunger under control. You figure you oughta scope the fridge for some grub. This hunger is so ill-mannered it would make a room full of snooty dowagers commit mass suicide.
2018	Oh god more shitty swords.
2019	Of course you knew these were in here. You're not even sure why you looked.
2020	If you want to keep any food or beverages in this apartment, you've pretty much got no choice but to hide stuff away in your closet.
2021	The hell with it. You try to take the entire JUMBLE OF UNBELIEVABLY SHITTY SWORDS and brace yourself for...
2022	Looks like that works, actually. (2)
2023	You captchalogue the JUMBLE OF UNBELIEVABLY SHITTY SWORDS.
2024	You dispense several CHERRY BOMBS.
2025	Wait...
2026	Who's that looking at you in the reflection?
2027	Where'd the little dude scamper off to this time?
2028	You go for the CHERRY BOMBS (9) unsuccessfully.
2029	After mulling it over a bit, you take the RED SPHERICAL SALUTES (1).
2030	BLENDER (2) is a pretty simple word, and you can already tell that's not going to work.
2031	Instead you take the...
2032	WHIRLING BLADE PITCHER (4).
2033	That's really a much better name for it anyway, you think.
2034	You're still not sure what he's so happy about, or what he's looking at up there.
2035	While you're at it, you dump the contents of the BLENDER, oops I mean WHIRLING BLADE PITCHER, into the disposal. But you suffer an unfortunate GARBAGE DISPOSAL HEAD JAM.
2036	You notice something in the reflection. Something above you.
2037	It's the hatch to the crawlspace above your apartment. BRO'S always tucking away in there when he's busting out his rad stealth stunts. He's so slick that dangling cord never even jostles.
2038	You just know he's being ironic with these weird mind games. There's no way anyone could be serious about aping those shitty movies.
2039	It's a pretty sweet fort you just made and you're pretty sure your brother would agree. Under different circumstances, you might be high-fiving over it right now.
2040	But rather than get inside and take her for a spin, you really just need to use it to get up to that hatch.
2041	It is time to face your destiny. No going back now.
2042	Yeah, there was pretty much no way there wasn't going to be a bunch of puppets in there.
2043	TG: ok wait hold on why am i getting this stupid game for you
2044	TG: youre the one who should be wrist deep in puppet ass
2045	TT: What is the specific problem?
2046	TG: the problem is i am up to my goddamn neck in fucking puppet dong
2047	TT: You know you like the mannequin dick. Accept it.
2048	TG: i am enrobed in chafing, wriggling god fucking damned puppet pelvis
2049	TG: an obscenely long, coarse kermit cock is being dragged across my anguished face
2050	TT: Let's put this into perspective. You put up with the puppet prostate because you love it.
2051	TT: Also, coarse is a good word.
2052	TG: you dont seem to harbor any sympathy for the fact that ive burrowed fuck deep into lively, fluffy muppet buttock
2053	TG: im whirling in the terrible cyclone at the epicenter of my own personal holocaust of twitching foam noses
2054	TG: its like a fucking apocalypse of perky proboscis here
2055	TG: like
2056	TG: the proboscalypse i guess
2057	TT: Are you going to start rapping about this?
2058	TG: what no
2059	TG: no listen
2060	TT: Prong of flesh bereft of home
2061	TT: Found solace 'twixt a cleft of foam.
2062	TG: no oh jesus
2063	TT: Of apocalypse your thoughts eclipse
2064	TT: A painted pair of parted lips
2065	TT: That dare through kiss to stir the air
2066	TT: That teases tufts of orange hair.
2067	TT: And though faces flush in lovers' fits,
2068	TT: Hands snug in plush as gloves befit.
2069	TG: ok dickinson if you can shut your perfumey trap for a half second
2070	TG: this is serious
2071	TG: i am just saying
2072	TG: if i see one more soft bulbous bottom being like
2073	TG: kind of jutting out and impudent or whatever
2074	TG: im gonna fly off the handle
2075	TG: im gonna do some sort of acrobatic fucking PIROUETTE off the handle and win like a medal or some shit
2076	TT: Then let's hope there will be a squishy derriere somewhere below the handle to break your fall.
2077	You are now the other guy.
2078	This is so much fun.
2079	A huge waste of time, yes. BUT SO MUCH FUN.
2080	You put the punched card containing the POGO RIDE in the slot, and carve a TOTEM from one of the CRUXITE DOWELS.
2081	You use the card containing the code for the HAMMER, as well as the one with the random code you punched over the SHAVING CREAM card for the hell of it. You carve the respective TOTEMS for the cards.
2082	You make a TOTEM for a CAPTCHALOGUE CARD.
2083	Pretty bare bones looking totem, if you ask you.
2084	You stow the totems in your ATHENEUM.
2085	The ALCHEMITER requires one unit of any type of grist to produce one card.
2086	You decide to use SHALE, since it seems less generally useful than BUILD GRIST as of now.
2087	You make a whole bunch of them.
2088	EB: whoa, did you just make all these??
2089	TT: Yes.
2090	EB: sweet, thanks!
2091	EB: what did you do with all the blue wobbly vase-looking things?
2092	TT: I brought the totems out to the alchemiter to test them.
2093	TT: I'm taking some things into my own hands to save some time.
2094	EB: ok.
2095	You create a HAMMER at the expense of 2 units of BUILD GRIST.
2096	You make a POGO RIDE too. Minus 5 BUILD, 1 SHALE.
2097	You use the TOTEM carved with the random code. You create a...
2098	A ROCKET PACK?
2099	With some random crap stuck inside it. Looks like a CINDERBLOCK, a VIOLIN, and a FLOWER POT. The items have rendered the device completely inoperable.
2100	You figure you might as well put this piece of junk to use.
2101	Using a little strategy, first you grab HARRY ANDERSON'S "WISE GUY", BY MIKE CAVENEY, then the cards, then your ejected PDA, then the book again to flush the cards into your deck.
2102	Nice going!
2103	You flip your FETCH MODI but find no such option.
2104	This is idiotic.
2105	You never really understood what Caveney's relation to Anderson was, or why he wrote this book about him. His ambivalent attitude toward your favorite magician in these anecdotes always struck you as a little weird, and to be honest, you tend not to read much of the text in the book. You mostly like to look at the diagrams for all the cool tricks.
2106	Oh yeah, that's right. The old HOLE IN THE ACE trick, interestingly enough, pertaining to punching holes in cards and making them "disappear" and stuff. Your hands were never really strong enough to make this one work all that well either.
2107	But actually... this gives you an idea.
2108	You overlap two of the punched cards. They mask each other's hole patterns.
2109	You carve another TOTEM using the new combined hole pattern.
2110	Oh man, looks like Rose made like a million hammers for some reason.
2111	Get all this shit out of the way, you're about to make something sweet!
2112	You got the POGO HAMMER.
2113	TT: What did you do?
2114	EB: i combined the cards in the lathe thingy and made this!
2115	EB: it is so sweet, man look at me go.
2116	TT: I see.
2117	TT: That was a really good idea, John. Nice work.
2118	EB: thanks!
2119	EB: i got the idea from harry anderson.
2120	TT: Who?
2121	EB: uh, you know the show night court?
2122	TT: No.
2123	EB: oh.
2124	EB: well bottom line is...
2125	EB: he's awesome
2126	EB: that's really all there is to say on the matter!
2127	You get a vicious rhythmic bouncing combo going and easily slay the imp in one blow.
2128	You and the POGO RIDE are catapulted sky-high in the process.
2129	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/sweetcatch.gif" border="0" />
2130	EB: hey, that was a pretty, uh...
2131	EB: nice...
2132	EB: uh...
2133	TT: Sweet catch?
2134	EB: ... save.
2135	EB: oh, yeah.
2136	EB: that.
2137	EB: this is pretty comfy.
2138	EB: why don't you just like,
2139	EB: carry the bed around with me on it?
2140	EB: up to the gate up there!
2141	TT: I can't interact with you directly, or anything that you are touching, if it will result in moving you.
2142	TT: See?
2143	EB: oh.
2144	EB: lame!
2145	TT: The game probably regards that as a kind of cheating.
2146	TT: In a way, thieving you of your free will as an adventurer, and the need to advance by your own skill and ingenuity.
2147	TT: The server player is just a facilitator.
2148	EB: well, ok.
2149	EB: all that scurrying around kind of wore me out, i think i'm going to rest here for a bit.
2150	EB: rose, can you keep the imps at bay? like, drop some stuff on them if they sneak too close.
2151	TT: No, you should pick up your hammer and defend yourself.
2152	EB: what, come on!
2153	TT: I have no idea what the hell Dave is up to, or if he's any closer to recovering the game.
2154	TT: There's some stuff I'd like to try, in case he doesn't come through.
2155	EB: oh alright.
2156	EB: i'm just gonna rest my eyes here a second though.
2157	Looks like a sort of index documenting all the known results for punch card alchemy combinations.
2158	This could be a convenient resource as you start to stumble on more useful card combinations. But ever since John started punching cards, you've been contemplating other ways this item manufacturing system could be put to use. In particular, if you obtain the code for any item at your disposal, you think you could theoretically send the code to John and he could make it himself.
2159	That is, if you can think of anything that would be worth sending to him.
2160	You eject the disk and captchalogue the SERVER CD.
2161	Oh God damn it.
2162	GG: hey!!!!
2163	EB: whoa, there you are!
2164	GG: how is your adventure going john?
2165	EB: it's ok, i am making some progress, and rose finally connected again so she is helping me now.
2166	GG: thats good!!
2167	EB: oh but, like...
2168	EB: i don't think i am actually saving the world here. :(
2169	EB: i dunno what i'm really accomplishing but i guess it's not that.
2170	GG: hmm well i think whatever it is it must be pretty important!
2171	GG: dont lose hope john i think it will all turn out for the best if you stay positive....
2172	GG: just keep listening to your grandmothers advice!!!
2173	EB: yeah, you're probably right.
2174	EB: but, um...
2175	EB: i don't think i mentioned nanna to you, did i?
2176	GG: oh uhhh.......
2177	GG: i dont know didnt you???
2178	EB: hmm, i dunno, maybe you talked to rose or dave about it or something.
2179	GG: yeah maybe that was it!!
2180	EB: they're really weird when they talk to me about you, like they're always trying convince me you have some spooky powers, but i'm always like no she seems like a pretty regular girl to me!
2181	GG: heheheh :D
2182	EB: but then when i think back maybe there are times when it seems like you know some things?
2183	EB: like maybe you know more about a thing than you are telling me? i dunno.
2184	GG: oh well john
2185	GG: i want to explain lots of things to you....
2186	GG: some things that i know
2187	GG: im just......
2188	GG: waiting!
2189	EB: waiting for what!
2190	GG: oh! john!!!
2191	GG: i forgot i was messaging you about that meteor that fell near my house!
2192	EB: oh yeah.
2193	EB: what ever happened with that?
2194	GG: oh boy.... well........
2195	GG: it turns out i was confused about it...
2196	GG: really confused! o_o;
2197	GG: see i guess i fell asleep for a while and.....
2198	GG: lost track of time
2199	GG: that happens!!
2200	EB: yeah i know, tell me about it!
2201	EB: maybe you should like, wear an alarm clock or something.
2202	EB: so what was the deal with the meteor?
2203	GG: well.....
2204	GG: its hard to explain!!!
2205	GG: but...
2206	GG: i know what it is now!
2207	GG: and now i know everythings going to be ok!!!
2208	EB: so what is it???
2209	EB: or is this just another thing you're "waiting" to tell me???
2210	GG: oh gosh john i really want to tell you all this stuff!!!
2211	GG: but i cant yet
2212	GG: i really think you need to wake up first!
2213	EB: huh?
2214	GG: well ok not literally
2215	GG: well ok maybe KINDA literally!!
2216	EB: AUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2217	EB: stop being so confusing!!!!
2218	GG: lol :)
2219	GG: anyway time for you to go john
2220	GG: i think you have some company!!!
2221	GG: <3
2222	You stick the POGO HAMMER back in your STRIFE SPECIBUS and get ready to kill some more of these pesky little...
2223	Huh? What's that?
2224	EB: rose, why aren't you dropping something on that thing??
2225	EB: oh no
2226	EB: D:
2227	You be the imp and quickly abscond the fuck outta there!!!
2228	This is what weaker adversaries do whenever things get too hot to handle, which is frequently.
2229	You stop being the imp because that was stupid, and scurry over to your MAGIC CHEST that you suddenly remembered was on the roof. There are some things in here that would be good to stock up on for a major battle.
2230	But it looks like someone has plundered your chest!!! This is so outrageous.
2231	You are being ambushed!
2232	There isn't much room to maneuver on this sloping roof. Maybe you should consider making your way to higher ground.
2233	You go up here.
2234	You peek over the edge.
2235	It already seems like a long way down to your yard. Not even to speak of whatever's below.
2236	Hey, weren't your TRICK HANDCUFFS dangling from that branch earlier? Dammit, why do imps got to be making off with all your sweet gear??
2237	You are confronted with a pair of enormous foes.
2238	This is it. You have no choice but to wage a fierce rooftop battle. This is totally going to happen now, and could in no way conceivably be interrupted by a sudden shift in our attention. It's go time. It's time to do this thing.
2239	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/wheredoingitman.gif" border="0" />
2240	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/whereMAKINGTHISHAPEN.gif" border="0" />
2241	You stop being the other guy. You're not even sure what that meant anyway.
2242	You are now the Wayward Vagabond.
2243	Got em already.
2244	What pumpkin?
2245	It appears to be a gauge for a large POWER CELL, perhaps fueled by some type of nuclear reaction. If this is the case, it is relatively low on fuel. But who knows how long it has been running here?
2246	You do not care about this sort of nonsense and you will disregard it at once. You are very hungry.
2247	Captchalogue? You have no idea what that means. It is total nonsense and you do not know what to make of it. You will not give the foolish notion a second thought.
2248	You just pick it up.
2249	You are now holding the CAN OF GRAVY.
2250	Your teeth are useless for the task! They are blunt like that of livestock, presumably suitable for mashing up plant matter, and not for puncturing metal.
2251	Your WEAK PATHETIC DIGITS are not strong enough to penetrate the can!!!
2252	Your fingers are certainly pointy enough, and your black carapace is suitably rigid, but you just don't have enough muscle for the task.
2253	Ok, you take that too.
2254	The can clearly reads "MUSTARD", a fact of which you were perfectly well aware.
2255	It is sort of cumbersome holding all these cans at once. You doubt you can hold many more than this. Maybe one or two.
2256	You'll need to find something to put stuff in if you want to carry a lot of things around.
2257	You drop all the cans and take a look at your wrist.
2258	It is a sort of specialized BAR CODE PATTERN.
2259	This brings back unpleasant memories and you would prefer not to dwell on it.
2260	What plant?
2261	It appears half the pages of this book have been eaten. The daunting volume is considerably lighter than it once was.
2262	You are somewhat skeptical about the nutritional value contained by these pages. However, of the practical wisdom they contain there can be little doubt. You have learned so much.
2263	You empty the peculiar cabinet and take a quick inventory of your canned goods.
2264	You have BEANS, MUSTARD, GRAVY, BREAD, SHRIMP, ASPARAGUS, CHEESE, RICE, CORN, PEAS, FLOUR, CHESTNUTS, MAYO, HAM, POTATOES, and SQUASH.
2265	Such bountiful plenty. And yet the delights taunt you from within their small metal prisons.
2266	You have already looked all over the place for a CAN OPENER, even making a few electronic inquiries about one, to no avail.
2267	Nothing else inside the purple thing either.
2268	You wield your TRUSTY KNIFE.
2269	It is actually a...
2270	You're not sure what they're called. It's an old rusted one of those red mailbox arm-swing flappy doodads, either for letting you know there is mail in the box, or maybe for alerting the mailman to outgoing mail to be collected. You don't know, really. You've wrapped a little piece of cloth around it for the grip.
2271	It is useless for opening cans.
2272	This means nothing to you. You are not an imp, you have no idea what an imp is, and you will not entertain such frivolous and childish ideas ever again. You feel stupid and hate yourself a little for even considering it.
2273	As the glorious founder and mayor of CAN TOWN, you erect a dignified, majestic CITY HALL out of cans, fittingly capped off with a tome of good manners for the roof. You have given yourself a very official and important looking MAYORAL SASH made out of old cables to complete your look of authority. A number of rather civic-minded CITIZEN CANS gather in front of the building to offer adulation to their fair and magnanimous leader. All is well.
2274	You immerse yourself in this beautiful dream as you whittle away the minutes, or perhaps hours.
2275	You love the idea of being a mayor. You love everything about mayors, and the concept of an orderly, civil democracy. It all seems so mannerly and reasonable to you. Everyone is friendly and happy, and the city runs like clockwork. The foundation of the government is based on mutual respect between the leader and its people. It is also built on having a really great mayor that everyone loves who is totally amazing and heroic and brave.
2276	Mayors are so much better than kings. You hate kings and you think kings are really stupid. They are petty, bossy tyrants and are really full of themselves and are basically awful in every way.
2277	God do you hate kings.
2278	Over here is the other side of the room. There is another one of those purple storage boxes, and some useless objects scattered on the floor.
2279	You pick up the nugget of URANIUM and...
2280	Oh that was so stupid. Why would you do that?
2281	It's chalk numbnuts.
2282	Inside the box, there are 12 pieces of CHALK in every color of the...
2283	10 pieces of chalk. In most colors of the rainbow.
2284	You are excited by this.
2285	It's locked!
2286	There must be some sort of release mechanism for this thing.
2287	The container is full of MOTOR OIL. This does not seem useful to you right now.
2288	There is nothing you can do for this new little friend. Attempting to crush the AMBER encasing the FIREFLY would likely cause it harm.
2289	It nevertheless bravely flashes on. You find its light alluring. Inspiring.
2290	To you it seems as if it could quite easily serve as the light of...
2291	Democracy.
2292	You sketch a handsome network of sprawling thoroughfares for your citizens to traverse. The adoring population applauds its mayor's keen instincts for city planning.
2293	You even add some lush vegetation to your city with a piece of blue chalk, because you can't seem to find a more suitable color for some reason.
2294	You develop westward, settling those fertile plains and claiming them for your city.
2295	You section off a number of RESIDENTIAL AND COMMERCIAL ZONES for civic growth, arranged in the only logical pattern that occurs to you.
2296	You color the RESIDENTIAL ZONES with your piece of white chalk, but for some reason none of the colors in the box strike you as suitable for the COMMERCIAL ZONES. Perhaps there is an alternative.
2297	You cannot urinate because you have not had anything to drink in quite some time. You are very thirsty.
2298	Also that is a really terrible idea and you would not consider befouling your wonderful city in that way for even a moment.
2299	You fill each empty square with a bit of MOTOR OIL to complete the zoning. It looks rather striking to you. You can hardly imagine that an up and coming young can trying to make it in the world would not be delighted to live in your fair district.
2300	You are very careful not to get any of the unpleasant fluid on your person.
2301	It seems you have run out of territory for your western expansion. But there is still a lot of empty wall space. Perhaps your citizens would be happier with a colorful backdrop that would make them feel more at home.
2302	Using most of your imagination and an entire piece of sky-blue chalk, you render a bright and cheerful sky full of clouds.
2303	You have decided that very closely orbiting your city is a LUMINOUS PLANET, about which orbits a single MOON.
2304	You switch to another shade of blue and continue rendering on the western wall.
2305	Orbiting much further from your city are FOUR PLANETS. None of these have satellites, you have decided. Yes, that makes sense, you think.
2306	And on the southern wall, beyond an impenetrable veil of darkness, occupying the furthest orbit yet, there is an OMINOUS PLANET. A MOON circles this one too.
2307	Oh yeah, it's that guy. You had almost forgotten about him and his confusing shenanigans.
2308	It seems like he has things well in hand at the moment. He does not appear to need your help, and you have already concluded that he cannot help you, at least for the time being.
2309	You have no idea how to turn these on!
2310	There is no mouse for this weird quadra-monitored computer. It can only be operated through text commands from its keyboard.
2311	Perhaps there is a special key or command which will allow you to switch to another monitor?
2312	You free the heavenly brown elixir from the jewels of pink carapace and imbibe like the wind.
2313	It is so sweet and sugary. You wonder how so much sugar can fit in one can. Whatever mighty wizard concocted this potion is truly deserving of your fear and respect.
2314	The TABS are naturalized as loyal new citizens of CAN TOWN. All cans are welcome and equal in your city, regardless of can content, and whether empty or full.
2315	It's not like emptying a can kills it or anything. They are just cans after all.
2316	Feeling refreshed and heavily caffeinated, you go back to work on the big computer.
2317	You hit ESCAPE, which seems to minimize the action window thingy and reveals a history of all the commands you've entered.
2318	You use the arrow key to scroll up a bit. You can't believe how much you've already typed into this stupid contraption. What a waste of time.
2319	You scroll all the way up to your first command.
2320	It looks like there are more commands above it. Maybe someone was entering commands on this thing before you?
2321	There aren't many more. At the top of this list appears to be the very first command.
2322	You activate SCREEN 2.
2323	The signal is garbled, and you have no idea what you're looking at. Some sort of filthy beggar pleading for help?
2324	No one is around, And nothing is happening. You seem to be locked out of any sort of interaction with whatever's happening on this monitor.
2325	It's another one of these rapscallions. This monitor is locked too. You can't tell him what to do. Not that you really want to, since it just looks like more confusing nonsense to you.
2326	You consider switching to SCREEN 4, but decide against it. You have a feeling that whatever's there would just confuse you even more, and you don't even really care all that much anyway.
2327	All four screens activate. Together they display a countdown, starting at four hours and thirteen minutes.
2328	You can't! Nothing is working anymore. The timer seems to have disabled the keyboard.
2329	Enough of this nonsense. You are an important mayor and this absurd contraption has wasted enough of your time. You've got a city to govern with a carapaced fist! (Which is to say firm, yet polished, and supple as the situation demands.)
2330	Anyway this will help you kill some time while you wait for that clock to count down.
2331	You temporarily dismantle CITY HALL to free up all the canpower available to create a vigilant TOWN MILITIA. You divide them into two groups, marking them with distinct teams and ranks using the piece of white CHALK and the MOTOR OIL. You then organize them in phalanx across the countryside, preparing for a stiff training regimen. When you are through with them, your forces will be a well oiled machine. Chalk another one up to bold leadership!
2332	You waste more than four hours on this tomfoolery.
2333	Your caffeinated jittering must have agitated all the little bubbles curiously hidden in the liquid, creating too much pressure in the can. You speculate this is why it exploded as you nervously eye the timer.
2334	You are starting to wonder what will happen when it reaches zero. Maybe it would be best not to be near it when this happens.
2335	Though perhaps not as few as implied by circumstance...
2336	A PEREGRINE MENDICANT trundles precious cargo beneath the gleam of the celestially ominous.
2337	You say a bittersweet goodbye to your beloved city. It is time to move on to greener pastures. By which of course you mean an arid, sandy wasteland upon which nothing green has grown in years.
2338	The door shuts behind you. A panel on the door becomes illuminated.
2339	As you ponder over the marks on the panel, you hear another mechanical sound overhead.
2340	The LCD PANEL appears to have a touchscreen interface.
2341	It appears the funny-looking spirograph room is locked!
2342	The floor rotates a full 360 degrees beneath you, while the surrounding wall seems to stay put.
2343	The triangley fractal room does not appear to be locked.
2344	The floor turns 120 degrees and the door opens.
2345	You go through the door to find another room. It's the same size as the other one you just wasted all that time in, while a clock was ticking down to something which may or may not be your doom. Maybe there is something in here that will help you escape.
2346	Against the wall there is another perplexing contraption.
2347	Against the opposite wall is some sort of CONTROL PANEL which catches your eye.
2348	It has two large screens, but only one appears to be active. There are fields for numbers which appear to be modifiable with the dials to the right. Some numbers are already supplied by default, perhaps entered by the previous user. There are a few buttons below, the largest one bearing the symbol marking this room.
2349	Also it looks like there is a METER STICK propped up there for some reason.
2350	You immediately craft a MEASURING SPEAR through possibly the most advanced form of alchemy employed thusfar. This is obviously the most important thing to do first.
2351	OBVIOUSLY.
2352	Or it WOULD obviously be the most important thing to do if you had remembered to bring your TRUSTY KNIFE.
2353	You feel so insecure without your TRUSTY KNIFE, it makes you want to slit your wrists. Or at the very least, flog your carapace with some sort of measuring apparatus.
2354	You examine the perplexing contraption across the room. You of course have no idea what it could possibly do.
2355	You adopt the only obvious course of action which is to poke and prod it with your HANDY RULER. You are quite sure this is what science is all about.
2356	You go back to the CONTROL PANEL which probably obviously controls that gizmo and you push the big blue button which is obviously probably the most obvious thing to push.
2357	You appearify a PUMPKIN.
2358	It seems this mysterious gourd was transported (appearified!!!) from a specific time and location somewhere on this planet you are on. You wonder if the machine (APPEARIFIER!!!) will take any object that exists at whatever time and location you supply.
2359	There is a symbol carved on the PUMPKIN. You don't know what it means, and you doubt it will ever prove to be relevant in any way.
2360	You consider dining on the ripe flesh of the plump vegetable, but your curiosity about the APPEARIFIER gets the better of you.
2361	You try to sneak a nibble from the pumpkin nonetheless.
2362	You first examine the attractive GREEN BUTTONS.
2363	The icon for the one on the left is that house shape you've seen plenty of times before.
2364	The right one on closer inspection appears to be the map for this underground facility, with an X marking its center.
2365	You push the button. All of the numbers change.
2366	Perhaps these are the coordinates for the location of the center of this facility, along with the local date and time? If this is the case, it would make a useful reference point for your current bearings.
2367	One way to find out would be to attempt to appearify something from this facility.
2368	It should be easy to zero in on a location relative to the center because you have an uncanny knack for tracking precise distances you have already traversed, in whatever units you choose.
2369	Your HANDY RULER gives you a good clue as to the BASIC UNIT OF HUMAN MEASUREMENT. You will go with that.
2370	You nudge the coordinates very slightly and bump up the elevation by 0.5 HUMAN MEASUREMENT UNITS. You make sure to keep the time approximately what it was to begin with.
2371	You appearify your TRUSTY KNIFE.
2372	You nudge the numbers a bit more and appearify a bunch of cans. This is so much more efficient than walking back to the other room to get them.
2373	You are to believe that time is at a premium, after all.
2374	Does this machine look like a DEAPPEARIFIER to you?? Honestly, the idea that an APPEARIFIER could both APPEARIFY and DEAPPEARIFY things is so laughably ridiculous, you would wish someone would DEAPPEARIFY your brain and REAPPEARIFY it with a brain that is more smart and less dumb.
2375	What the hell are you talking about? That idea makes no sense at all and is basically meaningless. Try using that mushy stuff in your gourd next time.
2376	Instead you just carve off the top, exposing a decadent cache of gorgeous, seed-laden ambrosia.
2377	Needless to say you consume all of it rather quickly. But it turns out to be too gross for us to watch.
2378	You cannot move it! It has a spirograph-shaped indentation, and possibly will require a special kind of key to turn it.
2379	You release your blinky new friend. You will give her a name when something suitably whimsical occurs to you.
2380	You and SERENITY consider new ways to waste more time with the APPEARIFIER. You are assuming she is a girl firefly even though you are not really sure that fireflies can even be girls.
2381	You target the extremely tasty ROTTEN PUMPKIN that was sitting in the other room hours ago.
2382	It seems the APPEARIFIER cannot appearify something if it will create a TIME PARADOX.
2383	A GELATINOUS GHOST PUMPKIN appearifies and quickly dissolves into a pile of UNAPPETIZING SLUDGE.
2384	Serenity blinks a message of urgency. You nearly forgot that while trapped in amber she was witness to all your tomfoolery and dillydallying in the other room, and knows the timer is about to expire. It is time to get this show on the road and escape.
2385	You reset the coordinates with the RIGHT GREEN BUTTON again, and this time only adjust the elevation by approximately 10 HUMAN MEASUREMENT UNITS.
2386	You attempt the rare and highly dangerous 5X CLIFFHANGER COMBO, and fail.
2387	We are doing it, man.
2388	We are making this happen.
2389	END OF ACT 2
2390	You are no doubt reading this as a handsome and strapping young man! Why, the mangrit needed to lift the book is itself a sign of your maturity, not even to speak of the wisdom needed to grasp the nuance of Sassacre's time-tested mischief. I am so proud of you, grandson!
2391	How I wish I could have delivered this heirloom to you in the flesh. But I am afraid it wasn't in the cards! For you see, John, like you, this book must yet take a journey! Its journey will end on the Final Day of my life, and even then will continue some. Though I suppose that will be up to your Father. Perhaps he will discuss it with you one day, when he and you are ready.
2392	But it is your journey I am writing about to wish you luck! There will come a day when you will be thrust into another world. And once you arrive, that is only the beginning! You will soon delve even deeper into a realm of Warring Royalty in a Timeless Expanse. A realm of Agents and Exiles and Consorts and Kernelsprites. Of toiling Underlings and slumbering Denizens. A realm where four will gather, the Heir of Breath and Seer of Light, the Knight of Time and Witch of Space, and together they will Ascend.
2393	John, if only you knew how important you were! I regret my passing came so early in your life. And yet I feel in my heart we have already met. But what I know for sure is that we will meet again!
2394	Until then, John, I do hope your Father keeps you well fed!
2395	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/00759_4under.gif" border="0" />
2396	A silly girl naps by her flowers. It is quite likely that she tired herself out with a variety of silly antics, as silly girls are often known to do. She may have a silly name too. Or maybe not. It is hard to say for sure without asking her.
2397	But since she's slumbering peacefully, it would be a shame to wake her up. You might as well just give her a name right now.
2398	Uh...
2399	I guess...
2400	I guess her name is Farmstink.
2401	You try to roust Farmstink from her slumber, but she is really down for the count!
2402	It looks like she is holding some sort of NOTE.
2403	THEY'RE RIGHT THERE.
2404	IN PLAIN SIGHT.
2405	LOOK, THEY ARE FLASHING RED.
2406	What pumpkin?
2407	You see no pumpkin, and frankly it is hard to imagine there ever was a pumpkin, in plain sight or otherwise.
2408	Anyway, that would be a really terrible thing to do to poor, sweet Farmstink.
2409	Your name is JADE. You have just woken from a restful nap, and as usual, you have no recollection of having fallen asleep. You have quite a number of INTERESTS. So many in fact, you have trouble keeping track of them all, even with an assortment of COLORFUL REMINDERS on your fingers to help you sort out everything on your mind. Nevertheless, when you spend time in your GARDEN ATRIUM, the only thing on your mind is your deep passion for HORTICULTURE.
2410	What will you do?
2411	Wow, you really suck at this thing!
2412	Maybe you should try playing an instrument you actually know how to play instead, like the one in your bedroom. Honestly you have no idea where this flute even came from. Things seem to appear and disappear around here all the time. Especially, to your unending chagrin, any sort of large orange gourd that might be lying around.
2413	You consider throwing the flute down in disgust.
2414	On second thought, it was a perfectly nice flute and there is no reason to take your frustration out on it. You just need some practice.
2415	But before you captchalogue the FLUTE you will need to set your FETCH MODUS first!
2416	[rollover above with mouse]
2417	You have a wide variety of FETCH MODI to choose from. You were really excited when your GRANDPA bought you this MODUS SET for Christmas. He is a total badass, even if a little strict.
2418	You typically opt for the MEMORY MODUS when it comes to matters of day-to-day practicality.
2419	You set your modus to MEMORY, and captchalogue the FLUTE. You allot 9 cards to the modus from your deck, since that will be more than enough for your needs at the moment. The modus grabs 9 more cards for matching purposes.
2420	The FLUTE is split up on two blank cards, and mixed randomly into the grid. To retrieve the item you must first pick one card, and then pick its matching card.
2421	For the typical sylladexer this modus presents a frustrating guessing game and a lot of wasted time on mismatching. But you like it because you seem to have a knack for always guessing right on the first try!
2422	It is an awfully silly idea and is basically a waste of everyone's time. You will predictably disregard this thought and focus on more sensible objectives at once.
2423	oh my god this is so much fun
2424	You captchalogue the BAG OF FERTILIZER.
2425	You tend to have a lot of things on your mind at once, and you can be a little forgetful. So you keep a variety of COLORED STRINGS on your fingers as reminders. Each one means there is something different to remember at a certain time.
2426	In fact, looking at your index finger reminds you that there is something important to remember now! It is your friend John's birthday. The green string reminds you that John's birthday package will arrive today. The blue string ALSO reminds you that John's birthday package will arrive today, though in a way that means something slightly different.
2427	You are further reminded that you have some things to do outside your house soon. But you should stop by your room first for some supplies, and most importantly, to see if John is online and wish him a happy birthday!
2428	You snap up that PUMPKIN which seems suitably ripe for the taking. Hopefully the safety of your sylladex will prevent it from being spirited away like so many of its ephemeral predecessors.
2429	You make your way to the middle of the GARDEN ATRIUM, where a stairwell joins the four ATRIUM WINGS.
2430	Upstairs is your grandfather's LABORATORY as well as your BEDROOM.
2431	Your MEMORY modus is hardly any fun without much stuff in it, so you decide to stock up on fresh produce to fill some more cards.
2432	You pick a juicy red CRAB APPLE.
2433	You go pick a nice looking KEY LIME.
2434	Then a delicious MANDARIN ORANGE. Those are your favorite.
2435	And finally a ripe yellow EUREKA LEMON.
2436	Modus fun aside, you feel it is impossible to have too many fresh fruits and vegetables on hand.
2437	You almost never use the stairs.
2438	You TRANSPORTALIZE upstairs. Just above is your room.
2439	You enter your bedroom. On this side of the room you are immediately confronted with numerous artifacts highlighting your various INTERESTS.
2440	You are an avid follower of CARTOON SHOWS OF CONSIDERABLE NOSTALGIC APPEAL. You have a profound zeal for marvelous and fantastical FAUNA OF AN ANTHROPOMORPHOLOGICAL PERSUASION. You have an uncanny knack for NUCLEAR PHYSICS, and not infrequently can be found dabbling in RATHER ADVANCED GADGETRY. You enjoy sporadic fits of NARCOLEPSY; your love of GARDENING transcends the glass confines of your ATRIUM; and you are at times prone to patterns of PRECOGNITIVE PROGNOSTICATION.
2441	You consider very briefly the question: What will you do?
2442	But you quickly realize this is only one half of your room, and is therefore host to only half of your INTERESTS to choose from.
2443	Over here there are yet more articles of your aforementioned INTERESTS, and then some.
2444	Additional telltale signs of your enthusiasm for NOSTALGIC TELEVISION mingle with your assortment of GAME HUNTING FIREARMS. You are a SKILLED MARKSWOMAN, though your cross-hairs would never settle on an innocent creature, ANTHROPOMORPHICALLY PERSUADED OR OTHERWISE.
2445	Your worktable is littered with equipment to facilitate your tinkering. For you, experimentation is not a particularly exact science, and you lean heavily on SHARP INTUITION for consistently and eerily optimal results. Nevertheless, you have still not been able to get that broad, flat gizmo there to work, which is a design you have borrowed from one of your GRANDPA'S more mysterious inventions.
2446	You are a great admirer of his, and you are not alone. Your grandfather is a WORLD RENOWNED EXPLORER-NATURALIST-TREASURE HUNTER-ARCHEOLOGIST-SCIENTIST-ADVENTURER-BIG GAME HUNTER-BILLIONAIRE EXTRAORDINAIRE. He has taught you everything you know.
2447	But in spite of all his lessons, it is still difficult to escape his stern lectures when you are on the way out of the house to run your errands. He spends most of his time in the GRAND FOYER, stewing in his own intensity and charisma.
2448	And today will likely be no exception. Among the errands you have planned is to venture out to find your pet and best friend named BECQUEREL. This animal must be fed and he will not be happy if he is not. And if he is not happy then you will not be happy.
2449	But first you really should dig out your COMPUTER and say hi to John!
2450	NOW...
2451	What will you do?
2452	You equip your trusty HUNTING RIFLE. There would be hell to pay if grandad caught you leaving the house without it.
2453	There isn't much to wonder, really. You left the WARDROBIFIER on its randomization setting.
2454	You may contemplate which shirt design you favor the most and commit to that setting in the near future.
2455	Just before you can grab one, the powerful ELECTROMAGNETS concealed in their underbellies become activated, and two of them get all tangled up with each other playfully.
2456	You captchalogue the TANGLE BUDDIES.
2457	Oh, but you could NEVER do that.
2458	What marvelous creatures they are. What a daring dream, to combine the finest qualities of humanity with the elegance and nobility of the animal kingdom. How you wish you could know their world. To hear one night those muted pawpads traipse up your stairs. A low but friendly growl unsettles your slumber, and as the sopor seeps from your eyes they detect a sharp pair of ears cutting moonlight. A mysterious wolven tongue invites. Wouldn't these ears suit you? Would not this proud long snout assist you in the hunt?
2459	No need to answer. Words slough from the busy mind like a useless dead membrane as a more visceral sapience takes over. Something simpler is in charge now, a force untouched by the concerns and burdens of the upright, that farcical yoke the bipedal tow. It now drives you through the midnight brush, your paws whisking through creepers, unearthing with each bold stomp bright odors demanding investigation. But not for long, as you and your new friend must claim the night with piercing howls moonward.
2460	You eat a weird bug and don't even care.
2461	Speaking of which, you pick up and admire one of your MANTHRO CHAPS. They are wonderful friends and are always cheerful and pleasant fellows.
2462	Why dear Mr. Coxcomb, how ever will you be received at the BARNYARD GALA without the trappings of a proper gentleman?
2463	Each MANTHRO CHAP comes with a number of accessories, including articles of FORMAL ATTIRE, a VACCINATION KIT, and a DISHWASHER-SAFE SLOP TROUGH.
2464	You gather all your dolls into a rather cozy looking pile.
2465	You deactivate the WARDROBIFIER'S randomization mode and set it to cycle through these three shirt designs.
2466	The decision was tough, but you think you came to the best possible conclusion.
2467	It is another beautiful day in your neighborhood. It is peaceful and quiet as usual. A rather imposing VOLCANO looms over your house, which has been inactive for centuries.
2468	Though dormant on the surface, the volcanic activity deep underground provides your house with a source of GEOTHERMAL POWER. You are not sure why your grandfather decided to draw from this source of energy when he had the UNLIMITED POWER OF THE ATOM at his disposal. But it has been this way for as long as you can remember.
2469	You have chalked it up to your family's longstanding propensity for eclectic fursuits wait you mean pursuits.
2470	What is this nonsense about fursuits!!! You do not own a fursuit. You think ANTHROPOMORPHIC FAUNA are really cute and enchanting and all, but it has never occurred to you to dress as one. Sure, it is fun to imagine what it would be like to run wild with a pack of wolves, or purr and frolic with a litter of kittens, but dressing up as an animal just seems ridiculous. It would still just be a silly girl draped in a raggedy synthetic tufty piece of crap, and seriously who are you trying to kid with that sort of baloney!
2471	Anyway it is not a MAGIC CHEST, it it your GADGET CHEST, which you have adapted for storing a number of USEFUL GIZMOS. It was once your ORACLE'S TRUNK, a gift from your grandfather of course, and still contains many silly FORTUNE TELLING KNICKKNACKS, all of which are completely bogus.
2472	Among the FORTUNE TELLING KNICKKNACKS are these items: a CRYSTAL BALL plus compulsory VELVET PILLOW, a TAROT DECK, a MAGIC 8 BALL, a MAGIC CUE BALL, and one of your favorite books of all time, PROBLEM SOOTH.
2473	Among the USEFUL GIZMOS are of course your COMPUTER, which you keep inside a FUN LUNCHBOX for easy transport, and a couple of gizmos you keep handy so you don't always have to make the long trip to the kitchen. There is a COOKALIZER for preparing delicious meals, and a REFRIGERATOR, a name which clearly is a wacky variation on the much more common household item, the REFRIGIFYIFICATOR.
2474	These things are stupid and useless!
2475	When the MAGIC 8 BALL isn't being frustratingly ambiguous, its forecast is always wrong! You have tested it numerous times with certain facts you know to be true. This is its reply when you ask if it is your friend John's birthday today. See? Stupid!
2476	You guess maybe it could be used as a reverse-prediction device, and always trust the opposite of what it says. But that seems dumb to you. And anyway, the thing gives you a bad vibe. You might consider smashing it, but you are a little superstitious about whatever ominous consequences that might have, even if the occult talisman in question is a cheap piece of garbage.
2477	The MAGIC CUE BALL on the other hand is said to make predictions with alarming precision and specificity. Unfortunately it lacks a portal on its surface that allows you to view the prediction.
2478	You put both of these pieces of junk back in the box.
2479	You take the REFRIGERATOR.
2480	You might as well grab the COOKALIZER too. No portable kitchen is complete without it.
2481	You take your LUNCHTOP too, because obviously you're going to be using that pretty soon.
2482	Whoops, there goes your FLUTE. But who cares.
2483	Before you go out to feed BEC, you will need to prepare a meal for him.
2484	You clear some space on your work table so you can set up your REFRIGERATOR and COOKALIZER.
2485	Just for fun, Jade allows you to take a stab at matching the cards to use the gizmos. It doesn't present much of a challenge for her, so she figures she might as well step aside, while providing a few generous hints.
2486	No, no... warmer. Warmer. Cooler. Cooler.
2487	COLD.
2488	Warmer...
2489	Yes. NO. Cold. ICE COLD.
2490	Warmer. Warmer...
2491	You have selected the KEY LIME.
2492	Way to go.
2493	HOT. Wait...
2494	No. Cold. Really cold. FROZEN FUCKING TUNDRA.
2495	Congratulations, you advance your matching skill to the new level: YUKON HERO: LEGACY OF THE FROSTBITE AMPUTEE.
2496	Jade is beginning to regret breaking the fourth wall for this ill advised escapade.
2497	If it were known in advance how terrible you were going to be at this matching game, the author may have given second thought to preparing this cool interactive Flash application.
2498	Look at all these fruits on the loose. Good luck trying to settle them down.
2499	You just deploy the gadgets yourself.
2500	These fruits are unlikely to become less impudent any time soon regardless of where they are stored, but you stick them in anyway.
2501	You take a look at the REFRIGERATOR'S rotary interface. You wonder what he is in the mood for today?
2502	Ok, well it's a rotary dial so there are no buttons to press, but whatever that doesn't really matter.
2503	You dial up a thick T-BONE STEAK, which you are sure Becquerel is in the mood for because he is in the mood for steak every day and is never in the mood for anything else.
2504	But he does like his steak well cooked.
2505	He does prefer his steak rare after all.
2506	But you will not dignify the thought of turning the knob much further because you are not retarded.
2507	You captchalogue the IRRADIATED STEAK and save it for your trip outside.
2508	You probably shouldn't waste much more time. You wouldn't want all those nice depleted steak isotopes to settle down.
2509	You wouldn't exactly call it an atomic bass, but it is heavily customized to accommodate a high level of musical virtuosity, the perfect instrument for the eclectically spirited.
2510	You've tuned the strings way down of course because your stumpy arms can't reach the low notes.
2511	You switch your ECLECTIC BASS to its advanced setting.
2512	But you promptly switch it back, since obviously it's too complicated to play it in person like this. The default setting is your preferred mode for casual jamming.
2513	And since you can't possibly waste enough time playing music, casually jam is exactly what you're gonna do.
2514	You take the PORTABLE AMP from the WALL SOCKET too.
2515	You like to make yourself comfy in your plushy pile before getting down to business with your computer.
2516	Hey look, John is online! Hooray!
2517	Also it looks like Dave pestered you about something yesterday but you missed it.
2518	You greet John but he does not respond. He is undoubtedly gallivanting around his house in a state of barely restrained birthday mirth. He may also be retrieving the two packages and the two envelopes which you are certain came in the mail for him earlier.
2519	You will wait a little while and see if he returns before you head out.
2520	It does not appear so, but you just never know with that crazy and cool guy.
2521	Sooooo cooooooool.
2522	TG: hey
2523	TG: oh
2524	TG: youre asleep again arent you
2525	TG: or do you even know if you are
2526	TG: i still dont know how that works
2527	TG: its like nothing means anything
2528	TG: its so cool getting hella chumped by your coquettish damn riddles all the time
2529	TG: i dont know why i believe anything you say im like the grand marshal of gross chumpage
2530	TG: waving around my faggoty chumpductor baton
2531	TG: assitant director of chumpography
2532	TG: celebrated author ernest chumpingway
2533	TG: wait weak
2534	TG: chumpelstiltskin
2535	TG: uh
2536	TG: chumpeldipshit
2537	TG: yeah
2538	TG: youre asleep y/n?
2539	TG: a/s/l?
2540	TG: s = species
2541	TG: baboon?
2542	TG: kangaroo rat?
2543	TG: if kangaroo rat yiff twice plz
2544	TG: ok well youre not saying anything so i guess whether youre nonawake or unasleep or whatever youre just not around and im wasting good material
2545	TG: even worse im wasting a killer fursona here
2546	TG: like
2547	TG: i dont know like a wide open v shaped leotard and a fuck ton of body paint
2548	TG: some like sinewy back arching cirque du soleil looking motherfucker
2549	TG: always low to the ground gettin a good prowl on
2550	TG: like i dropped my keys in the dark
2551	TG: nimblest son of a bitch who had the gumption to glue a nasty pair of latex cat lips to his face
2552	TG: for a reason that wasnt a joke
2553	TG: jade hey
2554	TG: where are you
2555	TG: seriously im sitting here tonight with a fucking bag of kibble jacked open on my lap and primed for goddamn bear
2556	TG: and youre gone
2557	TG: btw my name is Akwete Purrmusk
2558	TG: hardest buttock in the jungle
2559	TG: tempered steel
2560	TG: hey yeah just wanted to give you this remix i finished
2561	TG: here
2562	turntechGodhead [TG] sent gardenGnostic [GG] file "explore remix.mp3"
2563	TG: so yeah
2564	TG: you dont have to respond to any of that btw
2565	TG: ill probably forget half the shit i said anyway
2566	TG: talk to you tomorrow
2567	You open the FRESHJAMZ MEDIA PLAYER and add Dave's remix to the playlist.
2568	You open your web browser and visit MSPA.
2569	You navigate to a random page in the middle of the latest epic.
2570	Looks like he was just finishing up some sort of weird tangential intermission here. Whatever it was, it clearly advanced the plot in no relevant way whatsoever.
2571	You've killed a little time, but still no sign of John.
2572	GG: hi dave!!
2573	TG: hey sup
2574	GG: not much sup with you!!
2575	GG: bro! hehehe
2576	TG: haha
2577	TG: good one
2578	TG: s'alright being chill i guess you know how it goes
2579	GG: great! feeling cool today?
2580	GG: mr cool guy?
2581	TG: oh man you know it
2582	GG: sooooo cooooooool!!!
2583	TG: you know shit is ice cold up in here
2584	TG: shit is wicked bananas i am telling you
2585	GG: :D
2586	GG: so have you talked to john today???
2587	TG: yeah we were just talking a while ago about how he sucks at his sylladex
2588	TG: can you believe he uses stack that kid is ridiculous
2589	GG: lol
2590	GG: well that doesnt sound like much fun!
2591	TG: what was it you use again...
2592	TG: wait nm
2593	TG: i forgot whenever we talk about your goofy modusses i get a migrane. what do you want with john
2594	GG: :)
2595	GG: i want to tell him happy birthday and ask him about his birthday package!
2596	TG: oh yeah
2597	TG: i was being sort of cagey and told him to check the mail cause i was wondering if mine came yet
2598	GG: i think it did!
2599	TG: yeah?
2600	GG: and i think mine came too
2601	TG: so uh
2602	TG: i guess you want to know if he likes it or something?
2603	GG: no!!!!!!!
2604	GG: he will not open it
2605	GG: he will lose it!!!
2606	TG: oh
2607	TG: uh
2608	TG: wow sorry to hear that i guess?
2609	GG: no its good actually!
2610	GG: because he will find it again later when he really needs it
2611	GG: which of course is why i sent it in the first place!
2612	TG: see like
2613	TG: i never get how you know these things
2614	GG: i dont know
2615	GG: i just know that i know!
2616	TG: hmm alright
2617	GG: anyway i have to go!
2618	GG: i have to feed bec which is always a bit of an undertaking
2619	TG: man
2620	TG: if i were you i would just take that fucking devilbeast out behind the woodshed and blow its head off
2621	GG: heheheh!
2622	GG: i dont think i could if i tried!!!
2623	TG: yeah
2624	TG: say hi to your grand dad for me too ok
2625	GG: ._.
2626	GG: yes i guess an encounter with him is almost certain
2627	GG: it is usually........
2628	GG: intense!!!
2629	TG: well yeah isnt it always with family
2630	TG: but he sounds like a total badass
2631	GG: yeah he totally is!!!
2632	GG: anyway gotta go!
2633	TG: see ya
2634	GG: <3
2635	Rose is online.
2636	TT: I require a font of frighteningly accurate yet infuriatingly nonspecific information.
2637	TT: Do you know where I can find a wellspring of this sort?
2638	GG: hahaha yes ok but we cant talk for long!!!
2639	TT: You have plans?
2640	GG: well yes i do but its just that you will lose your internet connection soon!!!!!
2641	GG: and we wont talk again for a pretty long time
2642	GG: not until you enter!
2643	TT: Enter?
2644	GG: yeah!
2645	TT: This is what I was talking about.
2646	TT: This was the itch that needed scratching.
2647	TT: My avarice for the inscrutable. It is limitless.
2648	GG: lol what did you want to know?
2649	TT: You've been insisting today was the big day.
2650	TT: We would all play a game you didn't know the name of.
2651	TT: A game you said I'd get in the mail, and did.
2652	TT: One that would help me answer some questions.
2653	TT: But Strider is being obtuse, I can't catch John at his computer, you don't even have the game yourself, and on top of all that, my internet is unstable.
2654	TT: So are you sure today is the day?
2655	GG: there sure are a lot of challenges but yes i am sure!!
2656	GG: dave is cool, you know he will come around when the time is right
2657	GG: he just has a lot of work to do first
2658	GG: and so do you!
2659	GG: youll need to keep searching for a stable signal and power source, it will be hard but dont give up!!!
2660	GG: and dont worry about me either, focus on playing with john first
2661	GG: it all starts with you two!
2662	TT: Is there nothing else you can say to prepare me for this?
2663	TT: I'm sure you think little of blithely upsetting dark forces with Grandpa Moreau over there on Hellmurder Island, but honestly I've only read a few books on it.
2664	GG: haha dark? thats ridiculous!
2665	GG: i dont really know what to tell you other than its not going to be what you think it is
2666	GG: and most importantly you will have your questions answered, but they will be the ones you havent thought to ask yet!
2667	GG: just be patient and be brave youll see
2668	GG: it will be fun!!!!!!
2669	GG: uh oh looks like youve got to go
2670	GG: take care rose! <3<3<3
2671	You are now the other girl several hours in the future.
2672	It appears a secret passage in the mausoleum has been opened.
2673	It's getting awfully toasty in here. You gather up your belongings, including your dead cat.
2674	You've spent enough time for now concerning yourself with the future of your friends.
2675	John will not be available until later. By then he will have his hands full, as will you.
2676	You pack up your LUNCHTOP and get ready to take care of some business downstairs.
2677	Try as you might, you can't stop your mind from drifting to the fate of your friends. You dwell on a particular configuration of REMINDERS on your finger.
2678	But years, not hours...
2679	Under bare white branches a sentry wakens.
2680	PUNCH CARD CALCULATOR
2681	[By Gankro]
2682	You enter the LABORATORY.
2683	There are no scientists to be found, mad or otherwise. Or anyone for that matter. The lab appears to be deserted.
2684	There is a KIOSK though.
2685	It looks like the kiosk monitors the lab's enormous HUBGRID.
2686	This is as far down as you can go.
2687	The GRAND FOYER is still a few floors down, but the TRANSPORTALIZER on that level is blocked by one of GRANDPA'S impressive BIG GAME TROPHIES, and you just don't think he would cotton to someone moving it.
2688	Speaking of which, here are some of his TROPHIES now. He has a million of these ghastly things. You really dislike them.
2689	You hop down a level.
2690	Granddad also likes to accumulate VALIANT KNIGHTS from his travels. These are pretty cool, you guess.
2691	Oh yeah. How could you forget about his stash of DECREPIT MUMMIES.
2692	God you hate these things.
2693	This is your grandfather's collection of what he refers to as his BEAUTIES. No lovely lady will be fit for his collection unless her portrait has spent at least 20 years bleaching in the front window of a beauty parlor, a sort of establishment he's plundered no less frequently than ancient tombs.
2694	You guess they were sort of like your sisters while growing up, and you were always encouraged to look up to them. They are all awfully pretty ladies you suppose, but it was always hard to get as excited about them as grandpa.
2695	"Jade, study hard and keep your rifle at the ready. When adventure summons, I know you will rise to the task and take your rightful place among the DAUGHTERS OF ECLECTICA."
2696	That old coot sure is a bag of wind!
2697	You reach the ground level. This is the stupid thing blocking the transportalizer. It is unspeakably hideous.
2698	Down the southeast hall is the GRAND FOYER. You'll have to cross through it to leave the house.
2699	Looks like someone's pestering you.
2700	Even though you thought you logged off... ?
2701	CG: HI AGAIN, IDIOT.
2702	GG: oh nooooooo
2703	CG: SO I GUESS TODAY IS FINALLY THE DAY YOU FUCK EVERYTHING UP.
2704	GG: >:O
2705	CG: IS THERE NOTHING I CAN DO TO CHANGE YOUR MIND?
2706	GG: you can leave me alone!!!!!
2707	GG: how can you even be talking to me after i blocked you....
2708	GG: AND after i logged out????
2709	CG: YOU DON'T GET THAT I AM BETTER AND SMARTER THAN YOU IN EVERY WAY, FOREVER.
2710	CG: YOU DON'T GET THAT BECAUSE YOU ARE INCREDIBLY STUPID.
2711	GG: i get that youre a jerk and you should shut up!
2712	GG: goodbye you jerk!!!!!!!!!
2713	gardenGnostic [GG] blocked carcinoGeneticist [CG] at 13:06
2714	Looks like a mapping of each hub's index.
2715	It appears one of the hubs was recently unlocked.
2716	At the center, you find a little stage that looks perfect for supporting a spectacularly silly dance. Or it would if standing on it didn't make you a little nervous, and also if that didn't sound like a retarded idea given the circumstances.
2717	It looks sort of like the various contraptions you've been deploying in John's house. You wonder what it does?
2718	Great, you just vaporized your dead cat. Oh well. Ashes to ashes you guess.
2719	There's got to be a better way to deal with this lousy tree.
2720	Looks like you can choose between picking leaves, or awkwardly uprooting the whole tree, as you've been doing.
2721	You select LEAF. You also turn off AUTO-BALANCE, since its consequences can be a little mystifying sometimes.
2722	You gather up all your items again in an order that places your LAPTOP in a conveniently accessible leaf. You're not sure why you didn't do this a lot sooner.
2723	Kind of a funny looking tree now, but your concern for structural elegance is at an all time low.
2724	As long as you're going to plug in your computer, you might as well find that hub.
2725	Here it is. HUB SN_LAB0413. It is unlocked, and thus removable from the grid.
2726	You suspect this was the same beacon transmitting the unsecured signal you were using earlier.
2727	You pick the LAPTOP leaf from the tree.
2728	You plug your LAPTOP into the HUB, then captchalogue the HUB and then the LAPTOP.
2729	There must be a better place around here to set up your computer. This huge grid of electronics is sort of uninviting. You look around.
2730	Hey, what's that?
2731	It's another one of these ominous countdowns. You didn't notice it when you first entered the lab about a minute ago. It looks like this one may have been ticking for years.
2732	Whatever it's ticking down to, there isn't much time. You can only hope that when you turn on your computer again, there will be a connection invitation from one Mr. Strider.
2733	Another timer winds down, sideways.
2734	What does?
2735	You don't have time to humor every random thought that pops into your head. The clock is ticking.
2736	This looks like something of importance.
2737	It appears to be Skaianet's primary SESSION TERMINAL, monitoring a great number of SBURB SESSIONS in the northeastern United States and parts of Canada. Upon further investigation you draw some logical conclusions.
2738	It looks like each SESSION consists of an IP address and a physical location. The colored dots on the map appear to be METEOR IMPACT SITES. It seems each session corresponds with a meteor, but not all meteors have sessions.
2739	The color of the dot appears to indicate the status of the meteor's descent. The red dots indicate meteors that have already landed. Yellow dots are imminent collisions. Green will impact later, and blue will take the longest to touch down.
2740	You use the panel to center on your present location and zoom in. Surrounding the lab are of course the hundreds of smaller meteors that have been raining down steadily throughout the evening. Most of these meteor(ite)s have either landed already, or will shortly.
2741	Centered over the lab is a significantly larger imminent collision. You can't say precisely how imminent, but you could certainly take an educated stab at it.
2742	Just southwest of the lab, centered suspiciously near the location of your house, is an even larger looming collision. Though this one appears slightly less imminent.
2743	The terminal looks like it can monitor any meteor or session around the world. Search filters can be applied as well, restricting results based on size, time of impact, location, and so on.
2744	You zoom way out and narrow the search based on size. The two at the top of the list appear to be the biggest by far. You examine only their coordinates.
2745	The second biggest is centered over a U.S. city. The biggest by a landslide is, luckily for the Earth you suppose, way out in the middle of the Pacific ocean.
2746	You plug the laptop into the hub again and turn it on. It is now powered and connected to the wireless signal the hub is broadcasting.
2747	Your Sburb session reconnects.
2748	No sign of John here. You wonder why the house is shaking.
2749	Last time you saw him he was on one of the roof platforms. You will have to navigate via the Sburb interface to find him.
2750	TT: Good work, John!
2751	EB: oh, hey!
2752	EB: you're back.
2753	TT: For now. I'll have to leave again shortly.
2754	TT: It looks like there's another large meteor headed for...
2755	TT: My present location.
2756	EB: oh, so you mean dave connected with you?
2757	TT: Not yet.
2758	TT: I'll explain later.
2759	TT: But I think I've determined that activating the timer in the game is not directly responsible for summoning a meteor to your location.
2760	TT: The countdown seems merely to exist as a kind of warning to the player.
2761	TT: As well as a strange coincidence.
2762	EB: um, ok.
2763	EB: i don't really think i get it.
2764	EB: is this relevant?
2765	TT: Probably not at the moment. And certainly not to you.
2766	TT: I have to go.
2767	EB: ok, later!
2768	TT: P.S. Try not to waste too much of that grist while I'm gone.
2769	You rocket up the ECHELADDER to the dizzying heights of the vaunted BOY-SKYLARK rung!!! Your new feather is hard earned and well deserved. And alarmingly fashionable.
2770	You and your CERAMIC PORKHOLLOW rejoice in the mound of wealth yielded from your meteoric ascent up the ladder.
2771	You are still not sure what all these BOONDOLLARS can actually get you. But when pulling in such insane loot hand over fist like this, who cares?
2772	Not you.
2773	Your expanded CACHE LIMIT is more than enough to accommodate the grist windfall.
2774	You gather up 2260 pieces of BUILD GRIST, 1040 pieces of SHALE, 490 drops of TAR, and 350 drops of MERCURY.
2775	You can't wait to find out what amazing items this new supply of grist will be just barely insufficient to produce.
2776	Oh god, there's grist littered down there too. Those stupid ogres were like huge grist pinatas.
2777	One of those big SOUR GRAPE ELECTRIC HOLOCAUST FRUIT GUSHERS is jammed in the hole in the platform. You guess there's only one way to get it.
2778	NANNASPRITE: John, don't forget your book!
2779	NANNASPRITE: It is your birthright! You ought to give it a read when you have a moment. Particularly the first several pages!
2780	JOHN: ok nanna, i will.
2781	JOHN: hey, nanna?
2782	NANNASPRITE: Yes, dear?
2783	JOHN: since i am trying to get up to that gate, and since you can sort of conjure floating beds and throw me around and all...
2784	JOHN: couldn't you just throw me up to the gate?
2785	NANNASPRITE: Yes, of course, John!
2786	NANNASPRITE: But that would not serve your purpose well!
2787	NANNASPRITE: There is a very good reason why you should build up to it. And then keep building!
2788	JOHN: oh, ok, i guess that's what i figured.
2789	JOHN: so just one more thing...
2790	JOHN: do you think that instead of telling me exactly why that is with a clear explanation, you can give me a series of really coy riddles about it and then sort of giggle?
2791	NANNASPRITE: John, you are a very fresh young man!
2792	NANNASPRITE: Your father has done such a wonderful job raising you. I am so proud of you both.
2793	JOHN: ha ha, i guess.
2794	NANNASPRITE: When you pass through the first gate, everything will change. You will find the place where the constellations dance beneath the clouds. And then your true work may begin.
2795	NANNASPRITE: Hoo hoo hoo!
2796	JOHN: i suddenly understand everything!
2797	Where a kingdom lies entrenched beyond an impenetrable veil of darkness.
2798	Graveyard stuffers.
2799	The Peregrine Mendicant.
2800	You are flying westward in your peculiar mobile station. You have no sense of your bearings presently. The door is blocked by a metal column which extended through the entry shaft before liftoff.
2801	What will you do?
2802	This message to Dr. Brinner looks pretty serious.
2803	NEVER.
2804	The mail is sacred, and sacred is the trust between the Post Man and the recipients of his precious parcels. You have made a solemn pledge to deliver this letter to the doctor, just as soon as you determine where this address is, or find any sort of discernible mailing address in this wasteland, for that matter. The mail is freedom. The mail is life. The mail is the very fabric of civiliz...
2805	Wait.
2806	Hold that thought for one moment...
2807	The mail is the one final hope for resurrecting a dead planet from its ashes, and the letter carriers are the brave soldiers of God in this righteous crusade. They are the defenders of the light of knowledge, free communication, and the exchange of ideas. They are the bold toters of all those little papery conduits of freedom, the white postmarked angels that whisper a message on their deliverance, a promise to the yearning: "There is hope yet."
2808	Liberty. Reason. Justice. Civility. Edification. Perfection.
2809
2810	MAIL.
2811	It's the terminal you used to activate the station's homing mechanism. It looks like it has now returned control to you.
2812	The default viewport displays commands previously entered, including your last and only command "=> HOME".
2813	You type another one of the previously entered commands. It switches to the view of a young girl standing alone somewhere. There is a heavy amount of video interference of some sort.
2814	The girl seems familiar to you.
2815	You successfully disregard the TEA SET because it's stupid and shouldn't be in a place like this. You probe further into the lab.
2816	Looks like a little girl's room. This all strikes you as a bit odd.
2817	No time for messing around in here though.
2818	Ok, maybe you'll do a LITTLE messing around. You are only human after aAUGH WHAT'S THAT
2819	You are accosted by a friendly MUTANT KITTEN.
2820	You know you should grab this thing, but...
2821	You are suddenly feeling apprehensive about entering your father's room. With all the scamperin' around it almost slipped your mind how much you hate his hideous clowns.
2822	No use putting it off any longer. There is only one thing left to do.
2823	Give me a 'D'.
2824	Give me an 'E'.
2825	Give me an 'S'.
2826	Give me a 'C'...
2827	You scamper your heart out and bump into something. You don't know why he always insists on keeping it so dark in here.
2828	Oh look, it was one of his dumb GLOBES. These things make it awfully difficult to navigate the foyer. We get it, granddad. You like to travel around the world going on adventures and stuff!
2829	Lousy goddamn stupid globes.
2830	GRANDPA will surely have stern words for you if he catches you without your trusty RIFLE at the ready. That's just what you need, another one of his blustering mustachioed diatribes. You are rolling your eyes in advance, getting them warmed up.
2831	But ideally you can evade him altogether. All you have to do is get past the FIREPLACE and out the front door, and you will be scot-free.
2832	These are the manor's four DISTINGUISHED HOUSEGUESTS. They like to gather here by the FIREPLACE for TEA TIME. As well as pretty much all other times. It's all very mannerly and civilized.
2833	You know exactly what's going to happen when you try to sneak by. The FIREPLACE is going to light up and your GRANDPA'S silhouette is going to appear in front of the fire to give you a good spook. He is so predictable.
2834	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/andtherehegoes.gif" border="0" />
2835	You suppose you could still manage to sneak by the crafty old man if you are fast enough. Avoiding an encounter would be ideal.
2836	Encounters with him are usually........
2837	Intense.
2838	WHOOPS.
2839	You guess an encounter with him is almost certain now.
2840	But most likely not for a while. Time to see what someone else is up to.
2841	Oh, let's say... Dave.
2842	YES i am going out with this gun!!! no i will not go get a bigger one!!! no i will not take yours! I can't even lift it!!!!!! oh that is so preposterous. do you even hear what youre saying? i will be fine! this is a perfectly deadly gun and it shoots lots of incredibly deadly bullets! oh will you just stop it. i am going now. Goodbye!!!!!!!!!!!!
2843	<3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2844	He was so much easier to deal with when he was alive.
2845	You fail miserably.
2846	Oh look, there's some more mad science crap over here.
2847	This weird arcade gizmo adapted to this setup obviously doesn't take coins anymore, assuming it ever did.
2848	Besides, you left all your coins on the fridge, remember?
2849	This doesn't appear to be a game.
2850	It appears to be an APPEARIFIER.
2851	You mess with the controls...
2852	Hey, Jaspers is alive!!!
2853	Or, at least he was in the past. According to the time-stamp this was almost nine years ago.
2854	You try to move the crosshairs with the joystick, but it seems to be permanently locked on a specific target. You might be able to unlock it, but you clearly don't have much time to horse around with this thing.
2855	You zoom out.
2856	It looks like you and Jaspers were having one of your sessions. You weren't making a lot of progress though, because Jaspers was no doubt being characteristically recalcitrant. You possibly jotted this phrase down in your pad. It's hard to remember though.
2857	Wait...
2858	Could this be THAT day??
2859	You attempt to appearify Jaspers. This would surely cause a time paradox, because you can plainly see that he has not told you his SECRET yet.
2860	But it seems the machine has a safety mechanism to prevent such irresponsible appearification practices.
2861	The PARADOX GHOST IMPRINT of Jaspers appearifies instead, and quickly settles into a mound of sludge.
2862	The machine beside it sucks up the paradox sludge and begins some kind of automated procedure.
2863	It seems whatever sort of primordial biochemical properties the sludge possesses is being evaluated by the device.
2864	The device generates a fetal PARADOX CLONE of Jaspers.
2865	The wretched creature exhibits a number of unfortunate mutations though. The good news is that it will be mercifully UNESTABLISHED along with this facility shortly. This is also the bad news.
2866	Whoever was operating this machine in the past may have been making unsuccessful attempts to perfect the science of ECTOBIOLOGY.
2867	There is no need for a flashback. Conveniently, you can watch what happened right here on the monitor.
2868	You roll the clock forward a few seconds. Jaspers reveals his stunning SECRET to you in strict confidence.
2869	Before you could ask him to clarify, he vanished into thin air. You now believe you understand why.
2870	However, you were not the one to appearify him from this moment. Your hand was nowhere near the controls just now.
2871	A couple weeks after he vanished, his body washed up along the riverbank. His suit was a mess. Your mother fitted him with a new one just before the absurd funeral service she insisted upon.
2872	You roll the clock forward to a week after he vanished. It seems there is no accessible feed tracing his whereabouts during that timeframe.
2873	You fast forward another week. There he is, just as you found him.
2874	IT'S JASPERS. HE'S ALIVE.
2875	Well ok, he's still dead. But his body is intact. Turns out it wasn't some kind of DISINTEGRATIFICATOR like you thought.
2876	It's more like...
2877	AN ESCAPILIZER.
2878	Good thing you finally got all this sorted out. You only have 10 seconds to spare.
2879	Time to stash the dead cat and amscray.
2880	Good luck finding him! If he wants to be found, he will find you.
2881	Becquerel has always managed to elude your prognosticative faculties. He is completely invisible to your intuition somehow, a property almost totally unique to him.
2882	It used to freak you out a little, but you have long since grown accustomed to it.
2883	HUH???
2884	Oh, it was nothing. Nothing at all. Moving right along.
2885	The birthday package you were expecting from John arrived months late. And yet, right on time.
2886	It landed over there past the crumbling monument, a satellite to the great MYSTIC RUINS at the center of the CRATER LAGOON.
2887	Ok, you do that. You are now in your DAD'S room.
2888	Hmm... Where are all the clowns?
2889	You spot your DAD'S BRIEFCASE beside you. It probably contains all sorts of clues, or at least various forms and paperwork critical to his trade as a hilarious street performer.
2890	Aw yeah, here come the secrets. Get ready for some MAJOR revela...
2891	Wait a minute. These are just boring business documents and spreadsheets.
2892	What the hell is going on here???
2893	So all those years, while you believed he was out busking up the corners with hilarious antics, he was working as an ordinary business man all along. He was just a man trying to make a good honest living for his son. Maybe he was too embarrassed to tell you the truth? Or maybe it was just that you'd never bothered to ask?
2894	You guess you always just assumed...
2895	The human prisoner has broken out of his jail cell yet again. Attempts to block the cell door with heavy objects have proven futile.
2896	You're going to need a bigger safe.
2897	Who's this guy?
2898	Spades Slick?
2899	Got a nice ring to it.
2900	But you know your own name. And that damn well ain't your name.
2901	Ok.
2902	You are ARCHAGENT JACK NOIR. You oversee various affairs of a DARK KINGDOM. Presently you are determining how to deal with this prisoner, who has been a thorn in your side since he was apprehended.
2903	You view the affairs of the kingdom through a series of FENESTRATED WALLS. You have three walls, nearly enough to form a CUBICLE OF VIGILANCE, which is a full and proper enclosure for an agent of your stature.
2904	However, much to your utter contempt, your FOURTH WALL was stolen some time ago.
2905	This frivolous headdress turns your stomach. You'd sooner stick your head in a furnace than coax it into this monstrosity's loathsome colorful maw.
2906	It's bad enough that your EXALTED RULER ordered everyone to drape themselves in these hideous rags the moment the troublesome human with the pipe and his child showed up.
2907	But you draw the line at the hat.
2908	You order one of your burliest agents to the scene. He brings something heavier this time.
2909	Your transmission is interrupted.
2910	It seems your GLORIOUS MONARCH has concerns over your wardrobe.
2911	FINE.
2912	You begrudgingly don the COMICAL HAT.
2913	Stupid lousy WISE AND JUST LEADER. What a royal pain in the ass.
2914	You fully intend to once your superior stops breathing down your neck for a second.
2915	Wait...
2916	What now?
2917	Your blood is boiling so hot you could cook an egg on your carapace.
2918	Looks like you'll have to go handle this yourself.
2919	It seems there are some unopened BIRTHDAY PRESENTS which DAD didn't get around to giving you yet.
2920	The one on the right seems promising.
2921	You open it to see what is inside and oh god yes.
2922	You tear into this thing and put a mean peep on the sw33tloot.
2923	In addition to the MODUS CONTROL DECK, you got a bonus ARRAY FETCH MODUS. Plus another 12 cards, which are practically worthless by this point, but hey you'll take 'em.
2924	First thing you do is flush the extra cards into your deck.
2925	Ok really this is just way too many cards.
2926	The ARRAY MODUS allows you to store and retrieve any item from any card at any time. It seems exceptionally serviceable, albeit difficult to weaponize.
2927	BOOOOOOOORING.
2928	There's nothing to read, really. You just pop some MODUS CARTRIDGES in the slots, fire it up, and see what happens.
2929	You start by putting the STACK and QUEUE MODI in the slots.
2930	Your sylladex now behaves like both a STACK and a QUEUE. Items can be removed from either the top card or the bottom card.
2931	You see no reason at all not to jam the ARRAY CARTRIDGE in there too. You make sure to blow the dust out first of course.
2932	The sylladex reconfigures itself into an ARRAY of distinct QUEUESTACKS.
2933	Now we're talking. This is just the sort of needless complexity you have come to expect from your INVENTORY MANAGEMENT SYSTEM.
2934	You have a staunch policy of always saving the biggest present for last.
2935	ALWAYS.
2936	You receive a box of delicious FRUIT GUSHERS.
2937	Could this birthday get any better? You don't think so.
2938	You thought wrong.
2939	Ok, awesome. Queuestack full'a shoes.
2940	Dang! You spaced out and put it in the wrong queuestack. Don't worry, you'll get the hang of this thing.
2941	So delicious. You can't wait to captchalogue one of these packs and make like a million gushers. Screw all this building nonsense! You'd rather make candy.
2942	Wait a minute...
2943	It...
2944	It can't be...
2945	THE HEINOUS BATTERWITCH HAS HER GNARLED CLAWS IN EVERYTHING.
2946	What do Gushers have to do with baked goods anyway??
2947	How does this make sense???
2948	Why????
2949	WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY???????????
2950	Nope, no mixed atoms. Looks like you and the kitty kept your genes to yourselves.
2951	Your new kitty whose name is...
2952	You'll think of one later.
2953	Hey where the heck are you anyway?
2954	Oh, you're back home. The well-stocked bar and the vantage from the window tells you this is your MOM'S room. Or at least what you thought was her room.
2955	You decide not to be especially melodramatic about this revelation.
2956	Huh, that's funny. Shouldn't that place be unestablished by now?
2957	The downpour of smaller meteors has stopped...
2958	Better get out of here. This room is a powder-keg with all this booze lying around.
2959	Suddenly you are feeling very businessmanlike for some reason.
2960	You just punched a shitload of cards in anticipation of making a whole lot of cool stuff. This time you didn't foolishly destroy any items. You just looked at the codes for some objects you rounded up, and punched them on blank cards.
2961	You wonder how much alchemizing you can get away with before Rose gets back? As if she's got any right to tell you what to do with your hard earned grist. You're the one running around here putting your ass on the line. All she's got to do is mess around with her computer!
2962	Anyway, you better hurry.
2963	You are now dreaming.
2964	Your DREAMBOT is awake and active.
2965	Your silly dance foreshadows nothing and is essentially meaningless.
2966	But it sure is a lot of fun.
2967	You climb into bed and try to get comfortable. But some sort of invisible force is pressing down on you, a strange feeling of cold heavy metal.
2968	This happens every time you try to get into bed! No wonder you can never get any sleep.
2969	There is not much to realize.
2970	Of course you can fly.
2971	You stop all this flying around nonsense and examine John's birthday package.
2972	Unfortunately you cannot open it yet! This package has an important journey to make first. You are planning on delivering it momentarily.
2973	Good thing you already know what's inside. Otherwise you would surely be consumed by curiosity and suspense. You sincerely pity anyone who might be forced to endure such a fate.
2974	Enough for the above weather to be seasonably reconcilable...
2975	GT: hey, happy birthday jade!
2976	GG: yay thank you john!!!!! :D
2977	GT: whew ok, i got your present in the mail JUST on time.
2978	GT: plus i sent rose's and dave's too.
2979	GT: why do your guys'es birthdays got to be all bunched together like that??? you are running me ragged!
2980	GG: heheh i know but it is nice of you to think of us all like that!
2981	GT: i can't wait for you to see what i got you. i don't want to spoil it or anything but hopefully it will help you solve those problems you've been having lately.
2982	GT: MYSTERIOUS WINK ;)
2983	GG: im sure it is great, i cant wait either!!!!!
2984	GG: it might take a while to get here from there but it will be worth the wait!
2985	GT: oh man.
2986	GT: i am such an idiot, i forgot about how long it takes you to get stuff.
2987	GT: ARGH.
2988	GG: john thats ok really! im sure will get to me exactly when it needs to and it will be a nice surprise when it does!
2989	GT: ok well i hope so.
2990	GG: <3......
2991	GG: uhhhh hold on
2992	GG: ok im back sorry
2993	GG: i had to tell someone to go away!
2994	GT: oh god.
2995	GT: the trolls again?
2996	GG: yup :o
2997	GT: they have been such a pain in the ass lately.
2998	GT: it seems like there are so many.
2999	GT: there are either like fifty of these retards or it's one guy with a lot of alt accounts.
3000	GG: ive never had any sort of feeling about them or what they want which is kind of weird!!!
3001	GG: but it seems to me like they are probably all different people and not one guy
3002	GG: i have counted twelve
3003	GT: what do they want with us!!!
3004	GG: some people just like to needle others for some reason john
3005	GG: it is like a game i guess. they are like pranksters!!
3006	GT: oh hell no, shittiest pranksters ever.
3007	GG: but i think they are mostly harmless
3008	GG: every so often they manage to get through my block filter and hassle me. its been going on for years! actually some of them are kind of funny i think hehe
3009	GT: oh wow, what? years??
3010	GT: ok, well i am sick of them.
3011	GT: i've been thinking of changing my pesterchum handle to throw them off the trail.
3012	GT: so...
3013	GT: i guess i'm gonna do that.
3014	You have already carved a few TOTEMS, but you have had to return to the living room for more CRUXITE DOWELS. Your carving work is not nearly complete.
3015	Every time you reenter your room, you shudder at the recent handiwork of some mischievous imps. You just can't turn your back on them for a second!
3016	Rotten imps. Those posters were like children to you.
3017	At long last, you have returned to your bedroom with a stable power supply and internet connection.
3018	VODKA MUTINI purrs at your side.
3019	You SUPPOSE you will call it Mutie for short.
3020	TT: That's quite a totem collection.
3021	TT: What are you planning?
3022	EB: oh whoa hi!
3023	EB: oh...
3024	EB: gonna make some stuff.
3025	EB: are you ok? hasn't your house been on fire for like...
3026	EB: five hours now?
3027	TT: No, that was the nearby forest, which up until quite recently would have been best described as "on fire".
3028	TT: But you may be excited to learn that just as recently, my house finally notched that achievement.
3029	EB: wow, congrats i guess?
3030	TT: Thank you. Have you seen Dave?
3031	EB: nah.
3032	EB: his bro is probably busy kicking his ass.
3033	EB: that's probably all there is to say on the matter.
3034	TT: Ok.
3035	TT: I'm going to start putting this grist to use too.
3036	TT: Let's be sparing with the frivolous knickknack breeding and focus on getting you up to the gate, ok?
3037	EB: yeah, ok i hear you, but...
3038	EB: i think we'll have plenty. i've been killing imps all over the house and now its lousy with gushers.
3039	TT: Gushers?
3040	EB: i mean grist.
3041	EB: serves them right for ruining my posters. the bastards.
3042	TT: Which posters?
3043	EB: don't you see? my sweet movie posters. look at them, they're fucking ruined.
3044	TT: John.
3045	EB: ??????
3046	TT: Are you suggesting that imps are responsible for defacing your movie posters?
3047	EB: uh, YEAH?
3048	TT: Your posters have looked like that ever since I first saw your room.
3049	TT: The moment we started playing this game.
3050	TT: I thought you had defaced them ironically to mock your father's interests.
3051	TT: John?
3052	TT: ...?
3053	EB: VERY FUNNY ROSE HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
3054	EB: NICE JOKE
3055	EB: GREAT JOKE THERE ROSE
3056	EB: TOP OF THE LINE PRANK
3057	EB: HE HE
3058	EB: HA HA HA HA HA
3059	TT: This is good.
3060	TT: Laughter is probably the best way to avoid being especially melodramatic about the revelation.
3061	EB: yes
3062	EB: YES
3063	EB: LET'S KEEP THIS JOKE GOING
3064	EB: BECAUSE IT IS SUCH A GOOD ONE
3065	EB: HA HA HA HA
3066	EB: OH MY
3067	EB: HA HA HA HA HA HA
3068	EB: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
3069	You cannot descend from the top of your mobile station. The loose cable you gathered up and tied together is not yet long enough to allow you to reach the ground safely.
3070	You have used all the cable you can find. You will have to come up with another plan.
3071	ABSOLUTELY NOT WHAT ARE YOU CRAZY
3072	A MAYOR DOES NOT RELINQUISH HIS MAYORAL SASH UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES EVER PERIOD
3073	That's such a dumb idea. Not as dumb as using your sash, but it comes close. That temple is way too big. You'd probably just end up appearifying a chunk of useless boring rock.
3074	Wait, what's that?
3075	There's something dangling from the top of one of the towers near the temple.
3076	She is a tiny insect and cannot possibly lift more than the weight of a pumpkin seed!!!
3077	She does however inform you of what the ledge contains through a series of informative blinks. There is an old rusty HARPOON lodged into the crumbling rock. Tied to it is a bunched-up jumble of HANDY CABLE. This strikes you as convenient! It is almost as if someone knew you would need a bunch of cable, and that you would have a MAYORAL SASH made out of cable, and that you were particularly attached to that MAYORAL SASH and would stubbornly refuse to use it.
3078	Anyone who knew that much would surely possess a special gift! Alas it seems a bit far fetched.
3079	Ok, we just established it was a cable and not a rope, but that's ok.
3080	You take a hasty swig from one of your DELICIOUS PAWNS and put down.
3081	You then quickly adjust the coordinates to appearify the jumble of HANDY CABLE.
3082	Uh...
3083	Oh, of course. The time wasn't set to the present moment. Somehow it got reset to a few hundred years ago.
3084	It is some sort of present from the past... in the present.
3085	Attached is an envelope. It looks extremely important.
3086	You open the envelope. Inside is a letter and another envelope.
3087	This is all highly confusing and you do not know what to make of it.
3088	Still it is obviously critical MAYORAL BUSINESS which you take very seriously and you will defend this package with your life.
3089	You set the time to the present, and appearify the JUMBLE OF CABLE.
3090	You tie all the cable together and carefully lower your precious PUMPKIN BINDLE.
3091	You then rappel down the station with the PACKAGE, which must not leave your side.
3092	Which is to say, THE PRESENT MOMENT PRECISELY...
3093	An AIMLESS RENEGADE prepares for company.
3094	EB: ok, while i make some stuff here can you keep an eye out for imps?
3095	EB: just keep the safe or tub handy or something.
3096	EB: it'll serve them right for trashing my posters.
3097	TT: I keep telling you the posters were always like that.
3098	EB: AND I KEEP TELLING YOU HA HA VERY FUNNY
3099	TT: Here, look.
3100	TT: http://tinyurl.com/O413nanna
3101	TT: http://tinyurl.com/O413weirdo
3102	EB: yeah, i saw those, but...
3103	EB: they didn't look like that before. you must have changed them.
3104	TT: Even if I had the motive for such a bizarre and pointless deception, where would I find the time?
3105	TT: I don't even have Photoshop.
3106	EB: then why didn't you TELL me they were there???
3107	TT: I had no reason to think you were not aware of them.
3108	TT: I thought they were strange, certainly, but was not struck by any particular impulse to discuss them.
3109	EB: ok, it still doesn't make sense though.
3110	EB: implying that i drew them a while ago and then forgot and couldn't see them and now suddenly see them.
3111	EB: that's stupid, what would that even mean.
3112	TT: It looks like you were in your father's room recently.
3113	EB: yeah.
3114	TT: And how did it make you feel to discover what was in there?
3115	EB: oh no, i just realized!
3116	EB: you are going to psycho-therapify me.
3117	EB: well don't bother!
3118	TT: Maybe I am just being a friend?
3119	EB: maybe...
3120	EB: /EYES SUSPSICIOSLY
3121	EB: anyway i guess you saw what's in there, it's boring and there's not much to even see.
3122	TT: That doesn't matter.
3123	TT: What matters is how seeing it affected you.
3124	TT: I think it clearly has in some way.
3125	EB: well...
3126	EB: i don't know, at first i was nervous to go in and find more of his weird clowns, because of course they are stupid and i hate them a lot.
3127	EB: but then when i didn't see any, it was weird.
3128	EB: i felt weirdly, like... disappointed almost.
3129	TT: Is it fair to say this changed your perception of your father?
3130	EB: yeah, i guess.
3131	TT: Is it such a stretch to conclude it changed your perception of other things as well?
3132	EB: uh no, maybe not.
3133	EB: but what are you getting at?
3134	EB: it sounds like you're saying i'm crazy!
3135	TT: I don't like to use the word "crazy".
3136	EB: oh god.
3137	EB: see?? this is therapy bullshit!
3138	TT: That was a joke.
3139	TT: But anyway, whether it means you are crazy or not, consider this theory:
3140	TT: Your presumably longstanding tendency for scrawling this imagery is really your subconsious trying to express something disturbing within you.
3141	TT: Possibly something from your past, which you have blocked out.
3142	TT: And since you have supressed it, your conscious self cannot acknowledge the drawings, therefore they have been invisible until now.
3143	EB: why now?
3144	TT: Perhaps because you have seen evidence that conflicts with the worldview your subconscious has constructed to obfuscate the truth.
3145	TT: That your dad is not necessarily the clown-loving maniac you thought he was.
3146	TT: All along, this negative attribute buried in your psyche may have been projected on to him, and subsequently reviled, as a sort of defense mechanism.
3147	EB: but this is absurd, my dad LOVES these shitty clowns.
3148	EB: he's got all these statues and paintings EVERYWHERE.
3149	TT: Is it unthinkable that over the years it was he who believed you were the one with a passion for clowns? Because of the all the strange drawings in your room?
3150	TT: A father then embraces a son's hobby to establish a stronger bond.
3151	TT: Or wages a campaign of passive-aggresive mockery of your interests.
3152	TT: Either is plausible. I don't know your dad that well.
3153	EB: i dunno.
3154	EB: not sure about all this.
3155	EB: but i think we need to stop and acknowledge the bunny sassacre fedora i just made.
3156	TT: It's awesome.
3157	EB: yeah.
3158	EB: wow, what are you doing by the way?
3159	EB: rose, sorry to say but this is all looking kind of silly!
3160	TT: I'm trying to spread the upward construction around so there is a more substantial foundation for later on.
3161	TT: But I'm starting to wonder if it will be strong enough.
3162	TT: It's kind of starting to wobble a little.
3163	TT: I don't think brick chimneys were meant to serve this architectural purpose.
3164	EB: yeah no shit!
3165	TT: I might have to adopt a different building strategy.
3166	TT: Stick to more load-bearing walls, and blockier shapes, especially since grist has been easier to come by lately.
3167	EB: ok, but you really must be running low on time by now, right?
3168	TT: Right.
3169	EB: STRIIIIIIDEEEERRRRRRRR!!!!!
3170	Ok, good idea.
3171	You leave the MOON in the cycle though cause you like it.
3172	Will you cut that out! You have company.
3173	See? Over there.
3174	You decide to check on your neighbor.
3175	It is very much the same as your own! The only difference is that this one is home to a young boy instead of a young girl.
3176	You peer through the window.
3177	John is of course sound asleep. It looks like he is having troubled dreams as usual.
3178	You cannot disturb his slumber though. He will wake up when he is ready!
3179	Speaking of John, you wonder if he got the birthday present you sent him? Or for that matter, if you even remembered to send it?
3180	Darn! You get so confused sometimes. If only you had some system in place to help you remember things.
3181	Your MOON is getting very close to SKAIA. You had better go inside soon. It is never a very good idea to be outside during the ECLIPSE.
3182	Maybe you can take the opportunity to log onto your computer and ask John about his present. You just know he will think it is awesome, and it will be a great way to thank him for the wonderful present he got you!
3183	That would be pretty cool, and would promote the appearance to the audience that a whole lot was getting done in not much time, but it also sounds like kind of a pain in the ass so you decide to play it straightup this time.
3184	Rose has moved the ALCHEMITER back down to the deck while she reworks the building project up there. Just as well because it will save you a lot of legwork. Between this thing, the designix and the lathe, that's a whole lot of scrambling around!
3185	This time instead of overlapping (&&) the two cards which created the POGO HAMMER, you use the two codes to double-punch (||) a blank card, producing a different hole pattern.
3186	The result is the HAMMERHEAD POGO RIDE. It doesn't look like it's as much fun as the original ride, but to be fair it's probably a lot safer.
3187	Double-punching cards creates patterns with more holes, rather than less holes by overlapping cards. This strikes you as a viable method for combining more than two items without whittling down to too few holes, or too many! Just mix up the overlaps and double-punches, and the sky's the limit.
3188	You make the GREEN SLIME GHOST SUIT.
3189	Pretty swanky, but you are not completely satisfied with the wardrobe upgrade yet.
3190	You make the WISE GUY SLIME SUIT.
3191	This is so much better. It seems there are lots of secret trickstery gimmicks concealed in OH SHIT THERE GO THE CARDS
3192	You make the SERIOUS BUSINESS GOGGLES.
3193	This is a pretty nice hands-free communication solution, and it makes you look way cooler, like one of the kids from SPY KIDS or something.
3194	God that was a good movie.
3195	REAL SPIES...only smaller
3196	You make the TELESCOPIC SASSACRUSHER, at pretty considerable expense. This thing could probably pound an ogre into crudeburger.
3197	Of course you have no hope of lifting it whatsoever.
3198	You mix your Gushers with some of the blue slime Nanna left on the wall to make a box of HELLACIOUS BLUE PHLEGM ANEURYSM GUSHERS (WITH GHOSTLY HEALING PROPERTIES!)
3199	THESE SHOULD BE CONVENIENT, IF SOMEWHAT UNAPPETIZING.
3200	You make the REMOTE GHOST GAUNTLET.
3201	It looks like when you put on the special computer-glove it lets you control the big slimy ghost hand.
3202	The GHOST GAUNTLET appears to have a considerably higher lift capacity than your own puny arms.
3203	You make a LEFT HANDED REMOTE GHOST GAUNTLET to complete the pair.
3204	BECAUSE YOU DON'T SEE WHY THE HELL NOT.
3205	You make the BARBER'S BEST FRIEND.
3206	It suddenly seems worthwhile to you to go nab that UMBRELLAKIND STRIFE SPECIBUS that's been lying in the study for a while.
3207	You make a deadly BETTY CROCKER BARBASOL BOMB.
3208	Be careful with that thing! Jesus!!
3209	Ok, you have a cool idea for something to do with your GHOST DAD POSTER, but it looks like you drew shit all over that one too without realizing it.
3210	Lousy goddamn stupid subconscious!
3211	Anyway, you think you have an idea how to clean it up.
3212	If you can somehow "subtract" the code of the JOKER FIGURINE from the code of the poster, it might work.
3213	Luckily, the Joker code only has two holes, making the task very simple. The defaced Cosby poster shares those holes. You determine that the defaced Cosby could only result from a double-punching with the Joker, if your theory is correct. This means the original Cosby poster had one of those holes punched, or the other, or neither, making three total possibilities.
3214	You try out all three possible codes, yielding:
3215	- 1 POTTED PLANT
3216	- 1 PAINTING OF A HORSE ATTACKING A FOOTBALL PLAYER
3217	- 1 CLEAN COSBY POSTER
3218	SUCCESS.
3219	You make the COSBYTOP COMPUTER.
3220	This thing is probably a useless piece of shit, but making it has caused you to feel an alarming sense of satisfaction.
3221	You make another ordinary FEDORA with FOUR PIECES OF CANDY CORN inside.
3222	Whatever this item is, you cannot make it yet! It requires a ludicrous amount of grist, some types of which you have not even encountered.
3223	You make the WRINKLEFUCKER.
3224	So much sweet loot. You'd almost think it was simultaneously your birthday, AND Christmas or something.
3225	Of course you know that is ridiculous and could never conceivably happen.
3226	TG: bro just kicked my ass
3227	TG: thats really all there is to say on the matter
3228	GG: john did you get my package??
3229	EB: oh hey!
3230	EB: no, not yet.
3231	GG: darn! are you sure? it was in a green box.....
3232	EB: oh!
3233	EB: yes, but it is in my dad's car and he is still out at the store.
3234	EB: he should be back soon.
3235	GG: great!!! so what are you up to today?
3236	EB: i am up to my neck in this sburb stuff.
3237	EB: TT is making a royal mess of my house.
3238	GG: lol!
3239	GG: whats sburb??
3240	EB: oh, it is this game.
3241	EB: it's ok i guess. i'm still figuring it out.
3242	GG: whoa what was that?????
3243	EB: what was what?
3244	GG: there was a loud noise outside my house!!
3245	GG: it sounded like an explosion!!!!
3246	EB: wow, really?
3247	GG: i will go outside and look....
3248	EB: oh man, alright but be careful, ok?
3249	GG: i will! :)
3250	GG: im back!
3251	EB: oh hi!
3252	GG: i went to investigate the explosion i heard
3253	EB: was it by any chance a meteor?
3254	GG: yes!!!!!
3255	GG: how did you know??
3256	EB: oh man, it's kind of a long story!
3257	EB: anyway, are you ok? did it blow up your yard or start a fire or anything?
3258	GG: no i am fine!
3259	GG: it landed a pretty good ways from my house and i went to look at it
3260	GG: and its pretty big!
3261	GG: but bec doesnt want me to go near it
3262	GG: so i came home
3263	GG: he seems to think its dangerous!
3264	EB: well gosh, he's probably right!
3265	GG: anyway what have you been up to john?
3266	GG: oh!!!! did you get my package yet? :O
3267	EB: er...
3268	EB: yeah, i was trying to get it, but rose dropped my car into a weird spooky bottomless pit and the package was in the car and im really sorry about that.
3269	GG: oh no!
3270	EB: wow, ok, i guess i should start at the beginning.
3271	EB: see, a meteor blew up my neighborhood.
3272	GG: thats terrible john! im so sorry!
3273	EB: but i'm ok! and my house is too, sort of.
3274	EB: that game i was telling you about, sburb which i was playing with rose, sort of transported me somewhere at the last minute.
3275	EB: but now i'm trapped here and it's weird and dark and i can't find my dad and i just lost the car and my copy of the game in the pit and i think i have to save the world from the apocalypse!!!
3276	GG: O_O
3277	GG: well.....
3278	GG: it sounds really crazy and kind of scary but.....
3279	GG: it also sounds kind of exciting!
3280	GG: i dont know john maybe this is your destiny
3281	GG: if anyone can save the world i think it is probably you!
3282	EB: wow, you think so?
3283	GG: yes!
3284	EB: well ok, BUT.
3285	EB: it's not even that simple!
3286	EB: i was about to connect to rose to help transport her and save her from meteors and fire and stuff.
3287	EB: but she lost battery power and i lost the game disc!
3288	EB: so i think i have to get TG to use his copy to save her!
3289	EB: but that jackass won't shut up and stop rapping and stuff.
3290	GG: hahaha
3291	GG: he is so silly!
3292	EB: yeah. anyway i should talk to him about it, so brb.
3293	GG: hey!!!!
3294	EB: whoa, there you are!
3295	GG: how is your adventure going john?
3296	EB: it's ok, i am making some progress, and rose finally connected again so she is helping me now.
3297	GG: thats good!!
3298	EB: oh but, like...
3299	EB: i don't think i am actually saving the world here. :(
3300	EB: i dunno what i'm really accomplishing but i guess it's not that.
3301	GG: hmm well i think whatever it is it must be pretty important!
3302	GG: dont lose hope john i think it will all turn out for the best if you stay positive....
3303	GG: just keep listening to your grandmothers advice!!!
3304	EB: yeah, you're probably right.
3305	EB: but, um...
3306	EB: i don't think i mentioned nanna to you, did i?
3307	GG: oh uhhh.......
3308	GG: i dont know didnt you???
3309	EB: hmm, i dunno, maybe you talked rose or dave about it or something.
3310	GG: yeah maybe that was it!!
3311	EB: they're really weird when they talk to me about you, like they're always trying convince me you have some spooky powers, but i'm always like no she seems like a pretty regular girl to me!
3312	GG: heheheh :D
3313	EB: but then when i think back maybe there are times when it seems like you know some things?
3314	EB: like maybe you know more about a thing than you are telling me? i dunno.
3315	GG: oh well john
3316	GG: i want to explain lots of things to you....
3317	GG: some things that i know
3318	GG: im just......
3319	GG: waiting!
3320	EB: waiting for what!
3321	GG: oh! john!!!
3322	GG: i forgot i was messaging you about that meteor that fell near my house!
3323	EB: oh yeah.
3324	EB: what ever happened with that?
3325	GG: oh boy.... well........
3326	GG: it turns out i was confused about it...
3327	GG: really confused! o_o;
3328	GG: see i guess i fell asleep for a while and.....
3329	GG: lost track of time
3330	GG: that happens!!
3331	EB: yeah i know, tell me about it!
3332	EB: maybe you should like, wear an alarm clock or something.
3333	EB: so what was the deal with the meteor?
3334	GG: well.....
3335	GG: its hard to explain!!!
3336	GG: but...
3337	GG: i know what it is now!
3338	GG: and now i know everythings going to be ok!!!
3339	EB: so what is it???
3340	EB: or is this just another thing you're "waiting" to tell me???
3341	GG: oh gosh john i really want to tell you all this stuff!!!
3342	GG: but i cant yet
3343	GG: i really think you need to wake up first!
3344	EB: huh?
3345	GG: well ok not literally
3346	GG: well ok maybe KINDA literally!!
3347	EB: AUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
3348	EB: stop being so confusing!!!!
3349	GG: lol :)
3350	GG: anyway time for you to go john
3351	GG: i think you have some company!!!
3352	GG: <3
3353	You take a moment to gather your thoughts after your dream. While you are asleep it can get very confusing figuring out what is really happening and what isn't. Especially during the ECLIPSE, when you are exposed to many visions of the past, present, and future through a variety of CLOUD MIRAGES. It is only after you wake up that you are able to start making sense of it all, and your REMINDERS help you do this!
3354	But on reflection, there wasn't much in the dream about the future. You were quite surprised to see your DOG in your dream though. It was the first time the crafty guardian has ever appeared in a dream! You have learned that today is his birthday, just like it is for your other best friend. You have always wondered about this, and never had the chance to throw him a party and bake him a cake. Now you can!
3355	But if you do, it seems that you will need A LOT of candles.
3356	Bec has never allowed you to enter the MYSTIC RUINS for reasons you never understood. You always assumed it was on account of your protection. But your dream has strongly suggested to you that is where you need to go now!
3357	Since your DREAMBOT is secured in its chamber and does not need to be looked after, Bec is taking a nap in the GRAND FOYER as he usually does. Perhaps you can take advantage of this and sneak out of the house another way?
3358	Oh yes, of course! One of your REMINDERS reminds you that you still have a package to deliver too. This way you can kill two birds with one harpoon gun.
3359	Architectural perfection.
3360	See you little dude.
3361	If you had any more APPLE JUICE you would pour some out for your homie.
3362	You'll have to remember to double-check your closet for more juice.
3363	Perhaps you will. But if you do, it looks like you'll have to break it first.
3364	Perfectly good STRIFE SPECIBUS, down the toilet. Thanks BRO.
3365	You try to grab the BETA (6) but you forgot your sylladex is completely packed.
3366	You wonder why you jammed all this useless crap in here in the first place. Maybe you assumed you would weaponize it all during one of your customary HASHRAP battles with your BRO. But in retrospect that probably just would have been a huge chore and would have made the battle drag on forever.
3367	It's like what are you made of time.
3368	You dump all this crap all over the roof.
3369	You then set your modus to the SCRABBLE HASH FUNCTION for some reason. This function always makes it a little less intuitive to calculate hash values for items, and therefore more cumbersome to rap with. But you guess that's kind of a moot point now that your BRO flew off fuck knows where. His mysterious ways transcend irony once again.
3370	You get the BETA (3+1+1+1), now yielding a radically different hash value with the Scrabble function.
3371	Which is to say a radically exactly the same value.
3372	TG: ok i got it
3373	TG: i hope you appreciate how much gross spongy proboscis i had to fellate to get this game
3374	TG: hello
3375	TG: what are you doing
3376	TG: anyway im going down stairs now and installing this thing
3377	TG: later
3378	You have finally finished your building project. You have done about all you can do for John. You don't think you can provide much assistance against all those ogres this time, but at least now John appears to be armed to the teeth.
3379	All there is left to do is wait for Dave.
3380	That would certainly hasten the parcel's delivery, but the gift is not finished yet!
3381	You have spent months accelerating your knitting skills to be able to make the gift of perfect sentimental appeal. You even incorporated a cherished heirloom you have had as long as you can remember.
3382	When he sees your staggering gesture of sentimentality he will finally understand. He will understand that in the game of facetious sentimental gestures, no one gets the best of Rose Lalonde.
3383	dear rose,
3384	happy birthday!!!
3385	thanks for being such a great friend all these years. i know you like to make it out like you're playing it cool and don't care much about the people in your life, but i know deep down you really do. hell, not even that deep down. it's like, um, like your subconscious is having a wet t-shirt contest, and you being all aloof is this totally soggy shirt doing no good at all at hiding nothin'. oh wait, it looks like two can play at this game of cracking all these high falutin psychology books! AW SNAP!!!
3386	but yeah, i got you this because i think you're really creative and you could make something nice with it if you put your mind to it. and it might help you take your mind off a lot of all this serious business you're always absorbed in. you know, all this weirdo pseudo-gothy stuff or whatever. frankly it's kind of depressing.
3387	anyway you're the best rose! have a rad 13th! (i will catch up with you guys soon. god you're all so old.)
3388	~ghostyTrickster
3389	(john)
3390	GA: Why Is It That When The Subject Of Temporal Mechanics Is Broached Your Sparing Human Intellects Instantly Assume The Most Ingratiating Posture Of Surrender Imaginable
3391	GA: Time Is Not That Difficult To Understand
3392	GA: It Is A Utility That A Universe May Resort To In Order To Advance A Desired Degree Of Complexity
3393	GA: Or May Not Resort To If That Is The Case
3394	GA: Its All Pretty Pedestrian
3395	GA: But No
3396	GA: When Time Travel Comes Up You Present The Face That A Man Shows When The Breeze Gradually Alerts Him To His Absence Of Netherdressings
3397	GA: I Dont See How We Are To Properly Agitate You All If You Continue To Insist On Failing To Understand Basic Concepts Which Common Infants Effortlessly Manage To Describe Via Scrawlings In Their Own Puddles Of Sloppy Discharge
3398	TT: Have we spoken before?
3399	GA: Yes
3400	GA: In The Future
3401	TT: You and your friends never cease to invent ways to strengthen the credibility of your assertions.
3402	GA: Oh My It Is Your Human Sarcasm Again
3403	GA: I Enjoy Listening To It And I Wish Doing So Could Serve As My Primary Form Of Recreation
3404	GA: There See I Just Did It Too
3405	GA: Saying The Opposite Thing To Emphasize My Contempt
3406	GA: But Suddenly I Feel More Primitive And Hate Myself A Little More
3407	GA: It Was Like This Funny Miracle That Just Happened In My Heart
3408	TT: I would admire the sophistication of you and your fellow future-dwellers a little more if you seemed to be aware the word "human" only functions as that sort of adjective in bad science fiction.
3409	TT: But I won't be rude and change the subject.
3410	TT: There's a still a bit of unflagellated straw poking out of your rhetorical effigy over here.
3411	GA: Oh Dear
3412	GA: No We Arent From "The Future"
3413	GA: But We Are All Already In Agreement That You Dont Get It And Never Will
3414	TT: I thought you said we spoke in the future.
3415	GA: We Did
3416	GA: Your Future
3417	GA: For Me It Was Only A Couple Minutes Ago
3418	TT: I understand.
3419	TT: You exist in some temporal stratum through which you have communication access to various points of my timeline.
3420	TT: It's not that complicated.
3421	GA: Yes Thats Right
3422	GA: Will You Try To Talk Some Sense Into Your Idiot Friends
3423	GA: So That We May Proceed To Bother Them All On More Rational Terms
3424	TT: I try to every day, with mixed results.
3425	TT: But you see, it's not that I don't understand you.
3426	TT: It's just that I don't believe you.
3427	TT: Because it's nonsense.
3428	TT: Albeit persistent and coordinated nonsense.
3429	TT: Why would a bunch of temporally dislocated trolls want to harass a group of friends throughout completely random points in time?
3430	GA: I Will Admit This Campaign Of Provocation Wasnt All That Well Thought Out
3431	GA: Dont Tell Anyone I Said That
3432	TT: Alright.
3433	TT: Maybe you should get some trolling tips from us humans.
3434	TT: Our sparing intellects are probably better suited to it.
3435	GA: Yeah Maybe
3436	GA: Why Dont We Be Friends
3437	TT: You want to be my friend?
3438	GA: I Think So
3439	GA: I Think Were Supposed To
3440	GA: You Suggested As Much Earlier
3441	TT: You mean I did in the future?
3442	GA: Yes A Couple Minutes Ago
3443	TT: Probably because I remembered you mentioning it in the conversation we're having now?
3444	GA: Thats Likely
3445	TT: Hmm.
3446	TT: Your commitment to this roleplaying scenario is intriguing.
3447	TT: What choice do I have but to accept?
3448	dear dave,
3449	happy birthday!!!
3450	i just wanted to take a break from telling you how much your gay butt stinks all the time and say what an awesome friend you are. seriously, on any other day i would be downplaying how you aren't really as cool as you think you are, but just between you and me i think you might actually be that cool. i think you just gotta get out of your bro's shadow and spread your wings dude!!!
3451	so i got you these. they're totally authentic! they actually touched ben stiller's weird, sort of gaunt face at some point. i'm sure you'll dig them because i know you lolled so hard at that movie. ok so for real, this is sort of a shitty present, but it is an ironic present because i know you wouldn't have it any other way. maybe you can wear them ironically some time. they MIGHT even be more ironic than you and your bro's dumb pointy anime shades.
3452	anyway, have a good one buddy! and stay busy being totally sweet!
3453	~ghostyTrickster
3454	(john)
3455	AT: hEYYY,
3456	AT: fIRST, oK, i THINK YOU'RE AWFUL,
3457	AT: lET'S PUT THAT FACT ON THE TABLE WHERE WE CAN BOTH SEE IT,
3458	AT: nOW YOU HAVE BEEN PRIMED FOR THE DIGESTIVE RUINATION THAT'S ABOUT TO TAKE PLACE, aND THE COMPREHENSIVE SOILING OF THE LAUNDRY ENVELOPING YOUR PERSON,
3459	TG: oh my god you type like a tool
3460	AT: yEAHHH,
3461	AT: nOW YOU'RE GETTING IT, wHAT YOU ARE IN FOR,
3462	AT: aRE YOU READY TO BE TROLLLLLED,
3463	AT: wITHIN AN INCH OF YOUR MISERABLE HUMAN CORTEX,
3464	TG: this is so weak im almost getting tired of wasting good material on you guys
3465	TG: its like
3466	TG: youve got nothing
3467	TG: its always one of you sprouting up and ranting about how hard im about to get trolled
3468	TG: with no ensuing substance
3469	TG: you dont even know anything about us
3470	TG: one of you fuckers thought i was a girl
3471	AT: oK, yEAH, bUT,
3472	AT: tHE THING IS, tHAT i DON'T CARE,
3473	AT: aBOUT YOUR ANATOMICAL DETAILS, aND THINGS LIKE THAT,
3474	AT: i KNOW WHAT YOU'VE DONE,
3475	AT: oR WILL DO, aCTUALLY,
3476	AT: iT'S THE MOST AWFUL THING, tHE WORST YOU CAN EVER DO,
3477	TG: sorry i wouldnt cyber with you dude
3478	TG: in the future or whatever
3479	AT: wHAT, wAIT,
3480	AT: oH,
3481	AT: oK, yOU'RE THE ONE WHO LIKES TO SUBMIT INNUENDO,
3482	TG: human innuendo
3483	AT: yES, hUMAN iNNUENDO,
3484	AT: sORRY FOR THE LACK OF CLARITY,
3485	TG: so at what point in the future am i supposed to look forward to you whipping up this titanic hankerin for my knob
3486	AT: uH,
3487	TG: be honest with me
3488	TG: cause im busy
3489	TG: and i want to know exactly when i got to clear some space in my calendar for when some fuckwit blunders out of a magical phone booth and makes a ballad-inspiring play for my throbbing beef truncheon
3490	AT: sHOULD i BE PERTURBED BY THESE ALLUSIONS,
3491	TG: no man
3492	TG: look
3493	TG: i just need to know when to be there
3494	TG: when the stars come into alignment and your flux capacitor lets you finally sate your meteoric greed for crotch-dachshund
3495	TG: i wouldnt want to miss it and cause a paradox or something
3496	TG: itd suck if the universe blew up on account of you missing your window of opportunity to help yourself to a pubescent boy's naked spam porpoise
3497	AT: uHHH,
3498	AT: oK, THIS IS SORT OF STARTING TO UPSET ME,
3499	TG: jesus you are such a shitty troll
3500	AT: i GUESS i'LL LEAVE YOU ALONE,
3501	AT: aND FIND ANOTHER POINT IN TIME TO BOTHER YOU,
3502	AT: wHEN, i GUESS,
3503	AT: yOU ARE MORE EMOTIONALLY SUSCEPTIBLE, aND DON'T HAVE ALL THESE BEES IN YOUR BONNET,
3504	AT: aBOUT YOUR HUMAN SEXUALITY,
3505	TG: oh no
3506	TG: no dude
3507	TG: you sassed me up
3508	TG: we are in THE SHIT now
3509	TG: together
3510	TG: for the long haul
3511	AT: i,
3512	AT: wHAT,
3513	TG: we're motherfuckin entrenched in this bitch
3514	TG: you and me
3515	TG: welcome to nam
3516	TG: now grab my hand and shimmy your soggy ass off that muddy bank before charlie gets the fuckin drop
3517	AT: uHHH, wHO,
3518	AT: wHO'S CHARLIE,
3519	TG: hes the guy whos gonna read our vows
3520	TG: im feeling pretty friggin MATRIMONIAL all a sudden
3521	TG: take a look down by your foot see that little bottle
3522	TG: stomp on that shit like its on fire
3523	TG: noisy ethnic dudes are flipping the fuck out and waving us around on chairs til someone gets hurt
3524	TG: im your 300 pound matronly freight-train
3525	TG: and my gaping furnace is hungry for coal so get goddamn shoveling
3526	AT: oH MY GOD,
3527	TG: bro look in my eyes
3528	TG: that twinkle
3529	TG: that be DEVOTION you herniated pro wrestlers sweaty purple taint
3530	TG: sparklin like a visit from your fairy fuckin godmother
3531	TG: shit be PURE AND TRUE
3532	TG: thats what you see
3533	TG: a kaleidoscopic supernova of all your hopes and dreams all swishin together
3534	TG: radially effevescing arms of more little boy peckers than you can imagine
3535	TG: turning out insane corkscrew haymakers of a billion dancing vienna sausages strong
3536	TG: this is how we do this
3537	TG: this shits more real than kraft mayo
3538	The Aimless Renegade.
3539	You have identified a couple of unwelcome rogues outside your present stronghold. They are in violation of your jurisdiction. Despite your ordinarily striking marksmanship, you have spent your entire ammo clip without recording a single killshot.
3540	What will you do?
3541	You don't give a shit about that.
3542	The wall exhibits rows of ancient hieroglyphs depicting an array of amphibious and reptilian life forms.
3543	This is illegal pictography. It makes you angry.
3544	There is plenty of ammunition stored in the various AMMO CRATES which you have spent a great deal of time unearthing from nearby dunes and hauling back to your stronghold. You have a large variety of weaponry and ammunition at your disposal.
3545	Whether you can locate some more AK47 rounds quickly enough is a different matter.
3546	You retrieve a pair of deadly SIDE ARMS.
3547	But you will need a longer-ranged weapon if you are to continue your enforcement.
3548	Here's one.
3549	You wonder if you should reconsider your grievance with the offenders. Perhaps you should let it slide? They seem friendly enough, and it's been so long since you've had company. It would also be quite a pity to blow up that tall attractive female.
3550	But then again...
3551	They are both in flagrant violation, trespassing through several zones which you painstakingly marked as off-limits while you conduct your investigation of this crime scene. It is your duty to investigate this ILLEGAL MONUMENT and get to the bottom of its ILLICIT AMPHIBIOUS IDOLATRY. Just thinking about all the sloppy footprints they are leaving in the sand makes your carapace steam.
3552	The law is all that's left to hold on to in this unforgiving dust bowl. You cannot afford to loosen your black claw's grip lest justice slip through your fingers. Law is beauty. Order is peace. Judgment is the very basis for all that is pure and...
3553	Hold that thought.
3554	You need to take a moment to wear something ridiculous before you continue your spiel...
3555	ORDER IN THE COURT. YOU WILL HAVE ORDER IN THIS COURTROOM. IF EVERYONE DOES NOT SETTLE DOWN YOU WILL CLEAR OUT THIS COURTROOM, YOU SWEAR TO GOD.
3556	It appears to be a large stage serving as a kind of elevator. But it can't go down because there's something jammed in it. Looks like a peculiar musical instrument, probably centuries old.
3557	But yeah, the jury agrees. You've got to go blow up those trespassers.
3558	You put John's present down in just the right spot, along with a letter you prepared a little while ago after a particularly interesting series of dreams.
3559	Should be any minute now...
3560	You put down the time-bait. It's out of your hands now.
3561	You guess you could swim.
3562	Maybe you can think of a better way across though.
3563	This is kind of confusing.
3564	But you guess it's straightforward enough, even if the drawing is somewhat inaccurate...
3565	Oh no!
3566	STUPID STUPID STUPID
3567	You had them right in your crosshairs. You have no idea how a crack shot like you could have missed. It is practically inconceivable.
3568	You reload and take aim.
3569	That fair carapace... how it sparkles in the desert light.
3570	No. You cannot afford to be distracted by such thoughts. You are busy being the law.
3571	YOU ARE THE LAW WHOOPS
3572	Oh it's this guy again and his little blinking bee. So outrageous.
3573	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/distaction.gif" border="0" />
3574	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/HAVEthecargo.gif" border="0" />
3575	At the bottom of the letter is a series of coordinates along with further instructions.
3576	You know what you must do.
3577	Liberty. Reason. Justice. Civility. Edification. Perfection.
3578	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/mail.gif" border="0" />
3579	Today is your BIRTHDAY. Your grandfather has decided to celebrate by introducing you to THE THRILL OF THE HUNT.
3580	But suddenly you and Bec are wandering off. Where is this silly DOG taking you?
3581	You find a PRESENT.
3582	You open it to find a shirt that is way too big for you, and... pumpkin seeds?
3583	There is also a letter.
3584	dear jade,
3585	happy birthday!!!
3586	it's hard to thank you enough for your friendship over the years. heck, if it weren't for you i wouldn't even have met rose and dave, so that is like, THREE TIMES the friendship! that is almost like, TOO MUCH FRIENDSHIP. ha ha. i only wish i could get you something for your birthday that could remotely make up for what you've given me, but of course that's impossible. so here are a couple silly things anyway!
3587	i went to a weird asian store the other day and saw this rad shirt, so i got it and i'm wearing it now! but there was a blue one too which was way more awesome, and i wanted you to have it. i know you like green a lot, but maybe you'd like to try wearing blue sometimes? i bet you'd look like a million bucks! also i know you've been frustrated lately about how your pumpkins keep disappearing. well, i can't begin to explain why that's happening! all i can do is give you these so you can plant some more. don't give up, jade! wherever those dumb old pumpkins went off to, i'm sure you know the fun is in growing them and taking care of them until they're ready!
3588	whew, got to head out to the post office now so this doesn't get to you TOO late! talk to you soon!!!
3589	~ghostyTrickster
3590	(john)
3591	Who is this John claiming to be your friend? And these other friends he mentions?
3592	Whoever he is, you think he might be on to something. Blue is a very pretty color! Also, growing some pumpkins sounds like it could be fun. Maybe you will ask Grandpa if you can use the atrium to do some gardening. This will be exciting.
3593	You bear the vicious brunt of this story transition directly in the face.
3594	You are getting really tired of this feisty man and his busy fists.
3595	Here, stick this in your pipe and bleed to death slowly.
3596	You release the prisoner. He is free to go.
3597	TG: alright im installing this game finally
3598	TT: Where doing this man?
3599	TG: yeah
3600	TG: you could almost say
3601	TG: where making this
3602	TT: Go on.
3603	TT: What is it where making this?
3604	TG: TRANSPIRE
3605	TG: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/pccool.gif" border="0" />
3606	TT: Excellent.
3607	TT: Let's make shit take place.
3608	Your name is SPADES SLICK. You are the leader of a notoriously vicious gang of mobsters called the MIDNIGHT CREW. A rival gang known as THE FELT recently knocked over one of your favorite casinos. Your long quest of revenge has finally taken you through the front door of the mansion belonging to their loathsome boss, LORD ENGLISH.
3609	Your subordinates, CLUBS DEUCE, DIAMONDS DROOG, and HEARTS BOXCARS have been dispatched to various locations throughout the mansion to begin carrying out your mission. Your objective is to locate and crack English's SECRET VAULT, and plunder its mysteries.
3610	That's the business end of it. The pleasure will be painting this ugly house red with the blood of those miserable green motherfuckers.
3611	Stupid gang and their lousy obsession with clocks. The sooner all these idiots stop being alive the better.
3612	You wonder where they are. It's awfully quiet in the mansion, sans all the dreadful ticking.
3613	You obviously have no idea what that means.
3614	If it's some smartass way of saying to pick it up, forget it. You are already carrying an item. It is your trusty DECK OF CARDS.
3615	You have an idea that is so much better.
3616	CLOCKS DESTROYED: 4/1000
3617	What is under the rug is much worse than any trap you can imagine.
3618	It is a member of a species that you do not recognize, with a ghastly furred upper lip.
3619	You cover the unsightly individual back up and try to forget it ever existed.
3620	You would need a DECK OF CARDS to play that infernal game.
3621	Fortunately all you have is your WAR CHEST, which you deploy on the floor.
3622	You rummage around. It's no unusual assortment of belongings, and nothing any mobster worth his salt would be caught plotting and scheming without. Certainly nothing eyebrow raising.
3623	Bunch of blades, some playing cards, and a variety of other miscellaneous stuff.
3624	Also your VENDETTA ITINERARY and your HEIST MAP.
3625	If there are any elaborate headdresses in here, you'll eat your haberdasher.
3626	But of course there is only a plain and serviceable BACKUP HAT, which naturally conceals two LICORICE SCOTTY DOGS.
3627	Which makes you think that maybe you are wearing your BACKUP HAT, and this is your usual one? Hell if you know. They are the same damn hat.
3628	You cannot hide properly inside the chest because you cannot close it while you are inside.
3629	Instead you momentarily pretend it is a really cool automobile that commands the fear and respect of larcenous adversaries everywhere.
3630	BEEP BEEP BEEP
3631	All aboard the idiot wagon!
3632	Is that what this thing is? You've had it for some time, and don't quite remember how you got it. You never knew the identity of this pipe-smoking creature.
3633	Perhaps it could be the same species as the character you just saw under the rug. But you know that is impossible, because this one does not feature the same bizarre furred lip. They are probably differing species within the same genus.
3634	You don't know why you are wasting time on this website. It is for little children who poop hard in their baby ass diapers.
3635	Also you don't understand what the hell is going on or who all these characters are. It's all a lot of nonsense.
3636	CLOCKS DESTROYED: 5/1000
3637	You take the RULES CARD FOR BLACKJACK.
3638	You have possessed this item for as long as you can remember. You do not yet know its significance. Though you can hustle up a mean game of blackjack when you need to.
3639	These are the mugshots of everyone you are going to kill.
3640	You got a head start. You already offed CROWBAR (7), MATCHSTICKS (11), and QUARTERS (14), depleting them of some of their muscle. You've still got to watch out for the others, and stay wary of their despicable time shenanigans.
3641	ITCHY (1) has given you the slip repeatedly. DOZE (2) you've captured and interrogated just as repeatedly, to no avail. TRACE (3) has broken into your secret hideout more times than you can count, while FIN (5) always seems to be a step ahead of you and scoops your heists. CLOVER (4) has all the intel and is highly cooperative. You might need him to crack the vault. He'll be guarded. Best to avoid DIE (6) in any direct confrontations unless you want a temporal mess on your hands. But if you need any repairs, you could always get to STITCH (9) and "persuade" him. And you might need to if you can't kill SAWBUCK (10) with a clean shot. EGGS (12) and BISCUITS (13) are morons. But they are dangerous morons. CANS (15) is a tank and your crew'll probably need more ammunition than you packed to take him down.
3642	No one knows what LORD ENGLISH looks like. But that'll be corrected tonight.
3643	You've got dibs on English. He's all yours.
3644	It's right here.
3645	But you aren't gonna kill SNOWMAN (8).
3646	It's out of the question.
3647	On review, your schemes seem a bit convoluted. But you wouldn't have it any other way.
3648	Deuce and Droog split up to neutralize as many Felt as they can find. Your heavy muscle and expert safecracker, Boxcars, is headed straight down to the vault.
3649	You put the word out to your cronies for a status report. No response yet.
3650	You clean up all your junk and prepare to get this show on the road.
3651	You slip the SPADE KEY back into the DECK OF CARDS, then pocket the WAR CHEST.
3652	Smooth as clockwork, and every bit as logical.
3653	Funny, you didn't hear any commotion or gunplay. But it looks like there's already been some action in here. Or there will be. You can never take tense for granted with these goons.
3654	13/1000 CLOCKS DESTROYED. Apparently.
3655	Looks like Clubs Deuce is getting back to you.
3656	He says he's got Doze tied up for interrogation.
3657	You ask him what else is new. Capturing that guy is like shooting a paralyzed monkey in the face.
3658	You are now Clubs Deuce.
3659	He remains tight-lipped, so you deal him a senseless shin-drubbing with your CROOK OF FELONY.
3660	Oh the humanity. You can barely watch.
3661	He's probably still using his special ability to slow time down for himself.
3662	He can't feel a damn thing, and certainly isn't saying anything. Apart from a very low noise which could be him saying "ow" very, very slowly.
3663	Why would you do that? All of these clocks are lovely. You see no reason to harm them.
3664	987/1000 CLOCKS UNHARMED
3665	You begin a feeble campaign of psychological warfare. Perhaps compromising his fashion motif is the way to get to him.
3666	Nope. Looks like he's still in his weird state of stasis and doesn't care.
3667	Either that or it's driving him nuts. Just very slowly.
3668	War chest? What are you talking about. All you've got is this simple, unassuming DECK OF CARDS.
3669	Don't be stupid. To play solitaire you'd need a DECK OF CARDS.
3670	I don't see a DECK OF CARDS, do you? All I see is your BATTLEDROBE.
3671	Oh no. It's Itchy, and it looks like he's all wound up.
3672	He unties Doze and quickly swaps everyone's HATS around.
3673	Doze proceeds to make a fleetfooted getaway.
3674	THE CHASE
3675	IS ON
3676	Alright, you're the boss. Hearts Boxcars you ain't.
3677	Someone has replaced your plain and serviceable HAT with a silly and undersized one. An outrage beyond compare.
3678	You're sure you know who the culprit was. You can still smell his overly caffeinated blood...
3679	986/1000 CLOCKS SHOWN MERCY
3680	Oops.
3681	4/15 GREEN TORSOS DEAD
3682	You are already wearing Deuce's hat you fool. The one on the floor is Droog's hat. This is exactly why you always keep a BACKUP HAT on hand.
3683	This son of a bitch on the floor here has played his last game of musical hats. Soon these lugs will learn to show you some respect. You made this town what it is after all. Wasn't nothin' but a bunch of dust and rocks before you got here.
3684	You deploy your chest and swap this dinky little hat for one more suited to your tastes.
3685	Wait a minute...
3686	Thank god. Your precious SCOTTY DOGS are still here. You don't know what you'd do without them. You don't want to even think about it.
3687	Die makes his usual sort of entrance. The nonplussed, vaguely bewildered sort.
3688	You got it. Clubs Deuce it is.
3689	You have opened your BATTLEDROBE in search of your BACKUP HAT. You also need some more ROPE to retie Doze, who is absolutely tearing through the mansion as we speak. If you don't hurry, he may clear the chair within the hour.
3690	But it's a big mess. You mostly just see a bunch of bombs and cards.
3691	You're not sure what's what. You can never remember which card to pick up.
3692	You can't believe how shitty your memory is.
3693	You pick up two LICORICE GUMMY BEARS.
3694	These need to be stored for safe-keeping as soon as possible. Finding your BACKUP HAT has never been more urgent.
3695	You pick up a bunch of cards and fling them Doze-ward.
3696	Didn't accomplish a whole lot, other than put some of your private reading material on embarrassing public display.
3697	You're a busy guy so you just pick up any old thing and put it on your head. Since you are in a big hurry you will assume that it is your BACKUP HAT.
3698	You stand nearby the two remaining cards on the floor. An OFF-SUITED KING AND JACK.
3699	You aren't going to stand around jack king off all day long, so you grab the JACK OF DIAMONDS.
3700	Oh.
3701	Here's your BACKUP HAT. Problem solved, you guess.
3702	You suddenly remember you are Diamonds Droog.
3703	Whoever took your hat is about to discover he's the unluckiest man on earth. He better hope you find him dead. What you're gonna do to him will be much less painful that way.
3704	You don't have a BACKUP HAT all you got is this DECK OF CARDS oh wait yes you do.
3705	It's stashed away in your BRAWLSOLEUM.
3706	You are the only member of this band of thugs who is civilized enough to keep more than one BACKUP HAT, as well as an extensive array of FINELY TAILORED SUITS.
3707	The BRAWLSOLEUM seemed like the best storage option for your exceptional wardrobe. If there's any better sort of compartment to keep your wardrobe in, you'd love to hear it.
3708	Also there's a shitload of guns and cards in there too.
3709	You put on a BACKUP HAT.
3710	Whew. Your SWEDISH FISH are there.
3711	This is why it's a good idea to always store your candy in your BACKUP HAT rather than your usual one. Other members of your gang have learned this the hard way and they're finally starting to catch on.
3712	Suddenly you get coldcocked in the face from the future.
3713	You'd know the knuckles belonging to that suckerpunch anywhere.
3714	Trace always knows where you've been.
3715	The spineless rat likes to follow your PAST TRAIL around and mess with you.
3716	Trouble is, whenever he does, he lets you know exactly where he's going to be in the future. This time you'll be ready for him.
3717	You radio Deuce for backup. Give him a time and place, and exactly what path through the mansion to take.
3718	You don't know if the wounded guy went up the stairs, or came down. Or who wounded him, and when. Might have even been you, for all you know.
3719	Can't overthink this time stuff.
3720	You go with your gut and head upstairs.
3721	After giving a quick 10-4 over the RADIO, you take another look at your prisoner. He lucked out. Looks like round two of your brutal interrogation will have to wait.
3722	You couldn't find any ROPE, so you tied him up with a STRETCH ARMSTRONG DOLL which you happened to have lying around. You don't remember how you got it.
3723	It looks sort of dumb, but it will have to do.
3724	Time to hit the road. You beat your hostage into the back of your BATTLEDROBE with the BULL PENIS CANE.
3725	Wait this is a BULL PENIS CANE?
3726	You flip the fuck out over the fact that this is apparently a BULL PENIS CANE.
3727	Itchy always cheats. But he's always cheated for the last time.
3728	You're gonna jump to a timeline where he's dead.
3729	Looks like he got what he deserved.
3730	But, uh...
3731	As usual, you find yourself in a bit of a predicament.
3732	You introduce your CAST IRON HORSE HITCHER to your new friend.
3733	Die scrambles for a PIN he's been saving for a special occasion.
3734	How many times does he have to tell you. He made this town.
3735	You stop not being Hearts Boxcars.
3736	You have made your way to the Felt's SECRET VAULT. It's bigger than you were expecting. You doubt you will be able to rely on your usual safe-cracking method, which is prying it from the wall with your bare hands. You'll have to think of something else.
3737	This is just absolutely the most ridiculous thing you could possibly choose to do right now. I mean come on.
3738	Why don't you take a closer look at that safe...
3739	Seriously stop that.
3740	That notion is even more ridiculous than the last one. Wait who are you kidding no it isn't.
3741	Looks like the combination to the safe is entered via the hands of the clock. And you somehow doubt spinning the hands around manually is going to cut it. Knowing these guys, you've got to alter the flow of time itself to make it work.
3742	Which of course is bullshit. You think you'll just blow it up instead. Time to get Deuce on the radio.
3743	You deploy the WRATHTUB.
3744	You retrieve your pair of WAX LIPS.
3745	If anyone tried to steal your WAX LIPS, you would eat their eyeballs and deliver an angry lecture into their empty sockets.
3746	Just glancing at it gives you palpitations.
3747	Literature for avid CARDIOFICIONADOS such as your self. Those burgeoning red humps... that miscievous little tail... the snug, welcoming cleft...
3748	The saucy imagery is hard to beat. Harder than what you beat inside your chest now. Your heart is what you're beating.
3749	You beat it to RED CHEEKS MAGAZINE pretty regularly, you'd say.
3750	You radio Deuce on the 10-4 cards. Let him know you you need a powdermonkey on the double.
3751	You hear ticking. And it's not coming from the big VAULT CLOCK above.
3752	You hope it's not what you think it is...
3753	Oh no. Oh God.
3754	It's Biscuits. His OVEN TIMER is ticking. This is no good.
3755	Ugh, there he is.
3756	This idiot thinks his special oven transports him into the future by the amount he sets on the timer. Well, he's sort of right. But in reality, all that's happening is that he's hiding in there until the timer's up, then pops out.
3757	You guess he's relatively harmless if he's alone. You can take him. What you really have to worry about is if he teams up with...
3758	Oh no. That ringing. That godawful ringing. You can hear it...
3759	Eggs.
3760	Son of a FUCK.
3761	You might as well just grab one of your axes and kill yourself now.
3762	In the future, you've already followed the path through the mansion that Droog told you to.
3763	Trace followed Droog's PAST TRAIL even further back, but found a much fresher trail crossing his path.
3764	Looks like this little guy's talking on the radio. Says something about how he'll be right there once he gives Droog a hand.
3765	Trace decides he'll trace this guy for a while, see what he's up to. And then mess with him of course.
3766	In the present, you talk on the radio. Say something about how you'll be right there once you give Droog a hand.
3767	Looks like the trail of blood ends here. Or originates. Whatever.
3768	Something went down here in the past. Or... is about to go down in the future? You know what, never mind.
3769	21/1000 CLOCKS DESTROYED, APPARENTLY
3770	Hang on. There's a tooth on the floor. You know that tooth. You've felt its bite before.
3771	Fin was here.
3772	And judging by the forensics of the scene, the angle it hit the floor, the direction of the blood splatters and how dry the blood is, you think you know EXACTLY what he's about to pull.
3773	Or more specifically, what he's about to already have pulled.
3774	Fin always knows where you're going.
3775	He's followed your FUTURE TRAIL here. He likes to mess with you from the past.
3776	Trouble is he tips you off to where he's been. This time you're ready.
3777	Wait for it. Wait...
3778	NOW.
3779	Predestined bullet holes are convenient. Gives you something to aim for.
3780	7/21 CLOCKS REDESTROYED
3781	That doesn't make any sense.
3782	You never went anywhere.
3783	Die realizes there is a cost to settling the score with you in this way. The cost is having to live in a desert amidst the ruins of a dead civilization for the rest of his life.
3784	He thinks that's stupid, so he pulls your pin.
3785	You grab his VOODOO DOLL, and stick his pin in there for good measure. Might as well keep track of everyone you've offed this way too.
3786	Not that you intend to abuse its power to settle your score. What's the point if you're not gonna get your hands dirty.
3787	Still, it might come in handy down the road. Lord English is supposedly indestructible. He's rumored to be killable only through a number of glitches and exploits in spacetime. The doll may ultimately help you work the system if it comes to that.
3788	29/1000 CLOCKS DESTROYED
3789	5/15 GREEN TORSOS DEAD
3790	Problem with that is, he'll just see your FUTURE TRAIL following him, and that'll be nothing but a loud invitation for him to mess with you some more.
3791	Besides, better to leave him alive. You think you know where he'll lead you to. Just got to be a little more subtle about tracing his BLOOD TRAIL. Keep your FUTURE TRAIL out of his line of sight.
3792	Spades Slick cannot return to being Hearts Boxcars because obviously Diamonds Droog is too busy being Clubs Deuce.
3793	You just watched Trace throw a punch into thin air for some reason. That guy's awfully silly!
3794	He then skulks off somewhere.
3795	You don't realize he's following Droog's PAST TRAIL through the mansion until he gets to the point where it intersects with your trail, at which point he'll start following you.
3796	But we all realized it. Because it's obvious and couldn't possibly be more clear.
3797	You follow Droog's simple instructions. So simple even a forgetful nincompoop like you can remember.
3798	There's a BLOOD TRAIL on the floor that goes in a different direction than Trace went. You decide to follow it, because that sounds like a really good idea to you.
3799	If there was something you were supposed to do after helping out Droog, you'll be damned if you remember what it was.
3800	Trace catches up to where you were. But you're gone already. All he sees is the long, gross rubbery arm of your PAST TRAIL stretching through the room.
3801	He finds his comrade tied up with the stretchy rubber arms of a small man. But there is nothing gross or unpalatable about that in the least.
3802	Doze unslows himself and begins mumbling something feverishly.
3803	About his hat.
3804	7/15 GREEN TORSOS DEAD
3805	107/1000 CLOCKS DESTROYED
3806	Fin makes his way through the mansion to get some help.
3807	He wonders where this little guy is going. Deuce's FUTURE TRAIL is headed in the same direction he's headed, by sheer coincidence. Fin decides to follow him for a bit, keep an eye on him. For as long as Deuce's path matches his, that is. There's pretty much no chance he's headed to the same place, though. That would be statistically improbable.
3808	He's got no idea what these other goons are up to here. Funny, their FUTURE TRAILS end here. He's not gonna stick around long enough to find out why. He's a bit too woozy from the blood loss to sort out this mess anyway.
3809	It's uncanny. This little guy is matching Fin's route every step of the way.
3810	HE MUST KNOW SOMETHING.
3811	Fin decides he's got to take him out.
3812	But he can't get a clear shot. Too dizzy, and with all that C4 under Deuce's HAT, firing would be a bad idea.
3813	MY GOD HE'S THOUGHT OF EVERYTHING.
3814	Clearly dealing with a criminal mastermind here.
3815	You stop to admire this gorgeous clock. It is so pretty. Too bad it's not ticking like so many of the clocks in this place. Not that you can blame them. There are so many clocks in this mansion it would obviously be impractical to make sure they all work properly.
3816	Oh look. A trail of blood.
3817	You think you'll start following it.
3818	YOU HATE TIME TRAVEL YOU HATE TIME TRAVEL YOU HATE TIME TRAVEL YOU HATE TIME TRAVEL YOU HATE TIME TRAVEL YOU HATE TIME TRAVEL YOU HATE TIME TRAVEL YOU HATE TIME TRAVEL YOU HATE TIME TRAVEL YOU HATE TIME TRAVEL YOU HATE TIME TRAVEL
3819	Above, a spectator has appeared at the strike of 4 and has been giggling at your foolishness for a number of minutes.
3820	Clover would have been tickled to help you open this vault! At the cost of answering a few of his clever TIME RIDDLES, needless to say.
3821	If only you'd thought to seek his help first, rather than charging like the silly brute you are into this deadly trap of stable and not so stable time loops. Mostly unstable, really. These guys are way too dumb to maintain even elementary looping stability for more than a couple iterations.
3822	If you weren't so preoccupied, Clover could tell you that you could use Crowbar's help to pry anything out of a time loop, stable or otherwise.
3823	If you weren't so preoccupied, and if he weren't so dead! Hee hee hee!
3824	Stitch mutters to himself in his shop. He guesses Eggs and Biscuits are roughhousing again, because the fabric of spacetime is tearing something fierce on Lord English's CAIRO OVERCOAT. This sort of thing is exactly why he keeps a BACKUP COAT, and always leaves Stitch with one of them.
3825	Any gang does well to have an in-house doctor on hand. But if you deal in time travel you better have a damn good tailor too.
3826	You tell Slick to get his scrawny ass to the vault. It's goddamn bedlam down here. You tell him you asked Deuce for backup but surprise surprise he's nowhere to be found. Big surprise, you tell him. You tell him that was sarcasm. He says he knows.
3827	Slick says he'll be right there. He'll see if he can round up Droog for support.
3828	Droog says Deuce is tailing Fin, while he is tailing Deuce. He'll be there to help out Boxcars as soon as he and Deuce take care of business with Stitch. Couldn't be simpler.
3829	Oh yeah, he also mentions he pumped Fin full of lead so you can cross him off the list. You roger all that.
3830	Fin busts into Stitch's workshop blubbering something about watching out for the little guy who's about to come in here. He says to watch out because he's got a bomb on his head which is undoubtedly quite volatile and even the slightest spark would surely set it off.
3831	Stitch sees Fin's obviously in pretty bad shape, and checks his EFFIGY. Sure enough, the thing's in tatters. But he should be just fine if it can be patched up before he bleeds to...
3832	Death.
3833	8/15 GREEN TORSOS DEAD
3834	Everybody out of the god damn way. You got a hat full of bomb, a fist full of penis, and a head full of empty.
3835	Stitch says drop the livestock knob and settle the hell down.
3836	He says you do realize C4 is a stable explosive and won't detonate with gunfire, right?
3837	You say oh.
3838	Drop it and get in.
3839	Don't bleed on the suits.
3840	Stitch says huh?
3841	You admit the thought of carrying an imprisoned tailor wherever you go is gratifying for personal reasons.
3842	But in this case keeping him alive should be useful in dealing with English later.
3843	This predictably accomplished nothing!
3844	Taking your smut out of hiding turned out to be a very bad idea. Now copies from the future are appearing left and right and these clowns have their paws all over it.
3845	SLICK WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU
3846	Crowbar's alive again. And a whole bunch of other stuff is different.
3847	You forgot this gang almost seems halfway competent when he's running the show.
3848	The good news is you get to kill him again.
3849	You have no idea how much you'd like to. But even you're not that crazy.
3850	Still, kinda tempting.
3851	Everyone always ceases gunplay when Snowman's around.
3852	If you kill her you destroy the universe.
3853	It's not a knife. It's Snowman's CIGARETTE HOLDER.
3854	All you know is she's gonna have a hell of a time getting it back.
3855	You chuck the LANCE at Sawbuck.
3856	But of course it's only a fleshwound. Seems like that's the only sort of wound you can ever inflict on the corpulent lummox.
3857	Consequently you and he both jump to a random point on the timeline. This looks to be in the recent past, when Stitch and Crowbar were setting up the crates for the imminent gunfight. Which was very thoughtful of them.
3858	Your goons should be showing up any minute with the heavy firepower. For now you've got the drop on everybody.
3859	Stitch gets the business end of your SABER RATTLE. He's dead. In this timeline at least.
3860	Where do you think you're going, fatty?
3861	You'll deal with him in a minute.
3862	You whip out your DOUBLE EDGED SWORD and OCCAM'S RAZOR.
3863	Crowbar deflects the KING OF SPADES into Sawbuck's unmissable carriage. You jump far into the past.
3864	Which is to say the present, for the time being...
3865	A SCURRILOUS STRAGGLER eyes impromptu desert skirmish.
3866	He dismisses them as a bunch of ill-mannered rogues warranting no further investigation. Although he gives a small nod of approval to the plain and serviceable HAT worn by one of the combatants which strikes him as an absolutely smashing display of good fashion sense.
3867	You can't kill him yet. You need him alive to return to the original timeline.
3868	You will be taking that CROWBAR though.
3869	You cram him in the WAR CHEST.
3870	Sawbuck you need to keep alive too, for the moment. Not to return to the right timeline, but the right time.
3871	Speaking of which, where's tubby think he's waddling off to.
3872	You treat him to a bit of the old BAIT AND SWITCHBLADE.
3873	You appear in the future. You guess this is after the gunfight is over. The gunfight that never took place since you killed/kidnapped everyone who was supposed to be involved. Looks like only Boxcars is here.
3874	You order Hearts to drop his tub on the double before this fat lard puts you in a wheelchair.
3875	If you take Sawbuck back to your own time and kill him there, that should save you the trouble of hunting him down. Might as well take Stitch too.
3876	Maybe. You're not really sure if that's how it works. You don't really care though.
3877	You dump them in the WRATHTUB, then stick the tub in your own DECK OF CARDS.
3878	But you give Boxcars back his sordid literature, which he'd carelessly left in plain sight. No one will ever catch you leaving your smut around. And even if you did, that copy of TERRIER FANCY MAGAZINE could belong to ANYBODY. No one could prove nothin'.
3879	You go back to your original timeline.
3880	But now, stuffed in your chest you've got a live Crowbar from another timeline. Brought to the timeline where he's supposed to be dead... so you guess now he's alive in this timeline which is in part defined by his death? Ok, whatever. You should probably just kill him again anyway.
3881	Also Sawbuck from another timeline is in there too. So you guess now there are two Sawbucks? This is getting kind of dumb.
3882	You open the chest releasing them both. Crowbar doesn't look too pleased.
3883	You deflect his gunfire into the awesome gravitational pull of Sawbuck's astonishing girth.
3884	Everybody into the past!
3885	You dodge his next round too.
3886	It seems Sawbuck from this timeline (i.e. the "real" Sawbuck) was in this room at this point in time. He and Crowbar exchange bullets. Off they go.
3887	They no doubt go on to spend the rest of their ammunition peppering each other throughout the timeline, destroying all these clocks in the process between now and the present. You guess that explains the mess when you got here. Thank God you figured that out. You'd have surely lost sleep over it.
3888	20/107 CLOCKS REDESTROYED. FOR THE FIRST TIME. EVENTUALLY... YOU KNOW WHAT, NEVER MIND.
3889	Ok you think you got one.
3890	Time travel sure can be a...
3891	DOUBLE EDGED SWORD.
3892	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/pccool.gif" border="0" />
3893	Wait, that was awful. Really really bad. You're sure you can do better than that.
3894	Let's see... sorry to... no... time's running... no wait... fuck.
3895	You ask yourself from the past for a little help. Time's... something about time. Time being up. No wait, how about some kind of clock pun. No, dammit, will you just listen. You were almost onto something. Time... time is...
3896	Screw this. Too many cooks in the kitchen.
3897	Oh and just what does this quivering mound of blubber think he is up to?
3898	Just as you hear your past self asking what happened to your eye, you jab Sawbuck with your BUTTERFLY EFFECT KNIFE. You remember a little while ago asking yourself about your eye, and not giving yourself an answer just before disappearing. Maybe if you stopped and thought about it for a second, you could have warned yourself and avoided the whole mess, albeit in the process of creating a paradox. But your strict policy of stabbing first and answering questions later prevented it. You're sure your past self understands/understood. You are sure of this because you very clearly remember understanding/understooding.
3899	You are now Past Spades Slick... again.
3900	You were just about to pull Crowbar's pin. You guess all that stuff with your future self and Sawbuck originally happened in this room while we were all off watching someone else, like Diamonds Droog or something. That makes sense.
3901	A whole bunch of shit happens that we already saw.
3902	Being your future self is a lot more constructive because you get to do stuff you haven't already done.
3903	Looks like you're in the future. It's a bloody mess in here. The clocks are more bullet-riddled than ever. And it seems Crowbar and both Sawbucks have been decapitated. You're almost certain this is something you will be, or were already, responsible for. Which of course means more time traveling.
3904	Looks like the tub and chest are gone. Which means future-you must have packed up and left already. Got to take note of these sorts of things so you know where you are in the timeline.
3905	You notice something on the wall over there...
3906	One of the clocks that wasn't destroyed before is now bloodied and full of holes.
3907	Not especially noteworthy. You just have a feeling you should register this fact.
3908	108/1000 CLOCKS DESTROYED
3909	You pry the CIGARETTE HOLDER from his torso. Whoops, another time jump.
3910	This tub of goo keeps going for his gun. Widebody's gotta settle his big ass down.
3911	You really should incapacitate him without inflicting another wound.
3912	COUNT SOME SHEEP BITCH
3913	Wait... the clock on the wall...
3914	It hasn't been destroyed yet.
3915	But it's about to be. It's ticking down to the time it's stuck on in the future.
3916	Maybe if you time it just right, you can end this whole mess in one fell slice.
3917	You've even got an ice-cold one-liner to dish out when the time comes. You've been working pretty hard on it.
3918	Wait for it... wait for it...
3919	Hate to cut and...
3920	Wait, no. Not yet.
3921	Wait for it...
3922	Hate to... no.
3923	Wait...
3924	Hate to cut and DAMMIT. Not yet.
3925	Hate to cut and run.
3926	...
3927	SHIT.
3928	Hate to...
3929	Hate to...
3930	Hate to chop all of your heads off with this sword. Real sorry about that. My bad.
3931	You slay them all with your RAPIER WIT.
3932	9/15 GREEN TORSOS DEAD
3933	2/9 GREEN TORSOS DEADENED TWICE
3934	1/15 GREEN TORSOS DEAD FOR THE FIRST TIME, BUT IT'S AN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE TORSO, SO YOU GUESS MAYBE IT DOESN'T COUNT(?)
3935	7/108 CLOCKS GRATUITOUSLY REDESTROYED
3936	You grab the tub and chest and move on. That is ALTOGETHER ENOUGH of this nonsense.
3937	You check up on Slick's status. Slick says he killed Crowbar again, Sawbuck twice, and Stitch once. You ask him if it was an alternate timeline Stitch. He says he guesses so. You say that doesn't count. You've got the real one here. He mutters some foul language you can't quite make out, but you tell him never mind and hurry down to meet you at the vault.
3938	He says he took some damage from Snowman. You say you know. You're having some EFFIGIES made of yourselves with your BACKUP HATS. Deuce brought Slick's crumpled BACKUP HAT which he wound up with somehow. Not sure what happened to Deuce's. Boxcars is obviously tied up at the moment, so you can't get your hands on his yet.
3939	Slick says he's got both their HATS and he'll be down ASAP. You say alright. He says in the meantime see what you can do about this eye.
3940	Get to work, threadmonkey.
3941	DAMMIT.
3942	Your sprite was flipped the wrong way.
3943	You get Diamonds on the radio and tell him to undo it and wait until you're turned around. He says it's the right eye, right? Were you facing left or right? You say it's only right when facing left. It's the left eye when facing right. He says oh, so it's the left-right eye. You say yeah, but hang on a minute, you'll turn around so it's right-left. He says ok, he'll wait.
3944	That's better.
3945	If Cans shows up, none of these weapons you've got are going to do any good.
3946	You admire the LANCE for a moment. It's a pretty sweet weapon with outstanding craftsmanship. At least you got something out of the eye-gouging. She'll have to pry this thing from your rigid severed arm if she wants it back.
3947	YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...
3948	AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWOHSHIT.
3949	You can't BELIEVE she saw you horsing around like that. You will never live this down.
3950	Stitch keeps their EFFIGIES in a big warehouse several miles away because of their ridiculous duplication tendencies.
3951	You're sure as hell not going to drive all the way over there, so you just shoot at them in person.
3952	This was such an unbelievably terrible idea.
3953	This is incredibly delirious biznasty.
3954	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/deliriousbiznasty.gif" border="0" />
3955	The first thing you whack is Eggs's EGG TIMER.
3956	You do this because of course you know that Crowbar's CROWBAR will destroy any temporal artifact and completely negate its effect on the timeline.
3957	Your attempt was an overwhelming success.
3958	Biscuits is looking a tad snug in his muffin tray.
3959	He thinks it's about time to poke a broomstraw in this battle. His dough will live to rise another day.
3960	SEE YOU IN THE FUTURE, SUCKERS!!!!!
3961	You deal the oven a wicked flogging but not much happens.
3962	The oven doesn't really have any magical time properties to be negated. It just travels into the future at a rate of one second per second, like everyone else.
3963	You set the bomb to go off in a few seconds, when both it and Biscuits are released from it in a few hours.
3964	You're pretty sure this oven doesn't actually work at all.
3965	You just wheel it off somewhere else in the mansion so it can explode in peace.
3966	12/15 GREEN TORSOS DEAD
3967	PROBABLY SOME MORE CLOCKS DESTROYED TOO
3968	Since your expert safe cracker apparently spent the last five or six hours being totally useless down here, you figure it's time to take things into your own hands.
3969	Huh? What's this little fella all worked up about?
3970	Clover insists that you reconsider! Using that to pry open the vault would be EVER so much bad luck! Like breaking a thousand mirrors all at once! The sort of mirrors that tick and have numbers and tell time and stuff. That is the worst kind of mirror to break, luckwise.
3971	He refuses outright and starts doing a really frisky jig!
3972	DOO DEE DOO DEE DOO DOO
3973	DOO DEE DOO DEE DOO DOO
3974	He begins spinning a fanciful series of riddles illuminating the true path to opening the vault. Mysterious music fills your ears as your mind assumes the shape of a pretzel.
3975	DOO DEE DOO DEE DOO DOO
3976	DOO DEE DOO DEE DOO DOO
3977	DOO DOO DOO DEE DOO DOO DOO
3978	DOO DEE DOO DEE DOO DOO
3979	This is how the music would sound if we were listening to it right now.
3980	You ask Clover to open the safe.
3981	What's this? Hee hee! You think you can shoot Clover? He is so lucky the gun will probably jam or something predictable like that. Nice try though!
3982	You just start whacking him with a newspaper instead.
3983	You don't have to be all that unlucky to get whacked around with a newspaper. It's sort of a gray area.
3984	This isn't a real newspaper. It's just a wrapper for your private sordid literature, which no one can ever see.
3985	Uh oh, it's slipping out a bit. Your appetite for MONOCHROME BEAUTIES is nearly on public display. Gotta keep a lid on that smut! Especially with Clover around.
3986	Suddenly the whole vault room is shaking. You wonder what it could be.
3987	It sounds suspiciously like Cans is about to plow through the wall Kool-Aid Man style. You pray to God that it is not Cans about to plow through the wall Kool-Aid Man style.
3988	All of a sudden Cans plows through the wall Kool-Aid Man style.
3989	Oh No!
3990	He punches you into next week.
3991	You find yourself going about your business a week later. Looks like you're doing a little grocery shopping.
3992	You're a bit confused, having no memory of the previous week. You have no idea what is on your grocery list. Are you out of milk?? What kind of produce do you need to stock up on??? It is all a little overwhelming.
3993	And to make things worse,
3994	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/pricesandvaules.gif" border="0" />
3995	You flail the torso Cans-ward in an attempt to placate him with the red meat.
3996	It doesn't work!!!
3997	Cans clocks Boxcars entirely out of the current calendar year. You land in a totally different outdated calendar.
3998	Looks like this one's themed with SPIRITED HORSES. You'll be up to your ass in horses for a whole year. Just great, this is just what you need to be doing. Farmin' all these goddamn horses. Fuckin' pain in the ass.
3999	You don't care what the consequences are. You're going to crack open this safe and be done with it.
4000	This whole intermission was starting to get a little punchy anyway.
4001	The massive release of temporal distortion from the vault transports you to a highly unfavorable timeline. Looks like the entire mansion was leveled, except for the vault and its enclosure. Everyone's dead except for you and you know who.
4002	But at least the safe's open.
4003	1000/1000 CLOCKS DESTROYED
4004	14/15 GREEN TORSOS DEAD
4005	3/4 BLACK SCOFFLAWS OFFED
4006	There's nothing in here except an opening in the floor. There is a door with a keyhole, and you have a feeling you know how to open it.
4007	You only wonder why English's treasure would be locked behind a door with a spade on it.
4008	You guess this is what the SPADE KEY was for all this time. You dramatically wield the SPADE KEY in a matter of fact manner.
4009	What KEYHOLE? It was clearly a BARCODE SCANNER all along. Like the kind they sweep groceries over at supermarkets. That reminds you, you should really do some shopping next week.
4010	You're not going to peek inside because the lasers could blind you in one eye. OH WAIT
4011	This was never a problem because there is clearly a barcode printed on your RULES CARD FOR BLACKJACK.
4012	As well as your arm. But there's nothing wrong with a little redundancy you guess.
4013	Huh?
4014	Oh are you looking for this well come and get it you contemptuous she-witch.
4015	Snowman's BLACK INCHES no doubt have been responsible for more than a few RED CHEEKS.
4016	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/turnways.gif" border="0" />
4017	This guy again?
4018	Been a long time.
4019	MAP
4020	Collateral desecration mars the sacred/illicit.
4021	An ancient TIME CAPSULE has blossomed. You find nested in its petals a juice-stained SBURB BETA once belonging to one of your friends.
4022	What will you do?
4023	You captchalogue the SBURB BETA. It uneventfully tucks itself into your sylladex.
4024	You think you're getting kind of bored with this fetch modus. You like to mix it up now and then.
4025	Maybe you'll peruse your selection and try out another one.
4026	You swap your modus to JENGA, ejecting your sylladex in the process.
4027	Looks like the TIME CAPSULE has reset itself. It is sprouting a new bud. Presumably something else will come out when it blooms again in about 400 years.
4028	Too bad you won't be around to find out what it is!
4029	Your modus grabs the 18 cards needed to set itself up. It divides each card into three CAPTCHALOGUE BLOCKS.
4030	You begin picking up your items. The item is captchalogued, chopped into three blocks, and distributed randomly into the block tower.
4031	You gather up the rest of your items. Might as well try it out!
4032	You go for all the blocks containing your TANGLE BUDDIES.
4033	Careful... careful...
4034	Yeah, that one's obviously not going to work.
4035	You switch to PICTIONARY, a choice based on a strong whim from the mysterious ethers of democracy.
4036	Ok, you start by trying to grab your LUNCHTOP.
4037	After you ditch an unwelcome solicitor first, that is.
4038	You've got to concentrate here!
4039	You draw a really nice looking Squiddle lunchbox on the CAPTCHALOGUE SCRIBBLEPAD.
4040	The modus recognizes what you were trying to draw and snaps it right up. Nice going!
4041	Look at these fabulous beta envelopes you just drew!
4042	Your sylladex thinks they are fabulous too!
4043	YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
4044	You do a very quick doodle of nothing in particular.
4045	The SCRIBBLEPAD appears to be processing the shapes.
4046	Is that...
4047	Is that Charles Dutton?
4048	Since you do not actually have a DUTTON PHOTO lying around, the pad captchalogues a DUTTON PHOTO GHOST IMAGE. It is not a tangible item, and can never be used ever. It seems to be more of an imprint on the card itself, like a watermark.
4049	However, the back of the card does seem to contain a viable CAPTCHA CODE for a real DUTTON PHOTO, for whatever it's worth.
4050	Which is very little.
4051	You sketch a beautiful, succulent PUMPKIN, knowing perfectly well that a PUMPKIN GHOST IMAGE will be captchalogued, because you are quite sure there is not a PUMPKIN in this room, and there surely never will be.
4052	You captchalogue a PUMPKIN GHOST IMAGE.
4053	At least you have the CAPTCHA CODE for it on the back in case you ever want to replicate a real one.
4054	oh nooooooo
4055	You start by drawing your TANGLE BUDDIES.
4056	But... it looks like it's having trouble understanding the shapes?
4057	Darn! You wanted those!
4058	It's not up to you to say what card it goes on! The modus decides! All you get to do is draw.
4059	Anyway you try sketching your ECLECTIC BASS. It's kind of hard to draw accurately.
4060	No, that's just a ghost image of an ordinary bass. That's not right.
4061	You try again, focusing on getting all the mechanical details just right.
4062	ARGH!
4063	OH NO BUSTED.
4064	The jig is up.
4065	You are returned to your bedroom without the rest of your loot. You doubt you'll have time to go back and get it. You guess you have inadvertently left your own time capsule there for whatever party may find it in the future. Lucky bastards!
4066	You get started installing both discs. Might as well get a jump on it to avoid the sort of future drama that results from poor time management decisions.
4067	In the meantime you decide to touch base with your pals.
4068	Ugh, no, not those pals. The TROLLSLUM can just sit tight for now.
4069	EB: rose?
4070	EB: are you there?
4071	EB: i went through the gate, nanna said you might be here too.
4072	EB: are you in kind of this spooky glowy place with oily rivers and stuff?
4073	EB: let me know ok.
4074	GG: john hi!!!!!
4075	EB: hi jade!
4076	EB: guess where i am.
4077	GG: are you on the ground below the clouds yet?
4078	EB: yeah!
4079	EB: wait how did you know that's where the gate goes...
4080	EB: did you talk to rose? can she still see me while im down here?
4081	EB: she won't answer.
4082	GG: no i havent talked to her yet but id like to soon
4083	GG: ive got a lot of catching up to do with all of you!
4084	GG: sorry ive been so scarce ive just been so busy running around like crazy and looking after my dog and stuff all day!!!!
4085	GG: i think he just locked me in my room actually :\
4086	EB: oh man.
4087	EB: he sounds like such a handful.
4088	GG: yeah
4089	EB: but it's ok, i think he is mostly just looking after you.
4090	EB: like a guardian angel or something.
4091	EB: if i were you i would take him out behind the woodshed and give him a big hug.
4092	GG: :D
4093	GG: hey john can you hold on i have to talk to dave and start playing this game with him
4094	EB: oh? what game?
4095	GG: sburb!!!! duh what else!
4096	EB: what, i thought you didn't even know what sburb was!
4097	GG: oh jeez i was asleep when i said that silly!
4098	GG: of course i know what it is
4099	EB: oh ok.
4100	EB: where did you even get it?
4101	GG: from the ruins
4102	GG: its daves copy
4103	EB: wow.
4104	EB: the thing you just said doesn't even make the slightest bit of sense.
4105	GG: i know right! hehehe
4106	GG: oh!!!!
4107	GG: that reminds me since im setting the game up with dave to be his server you are going to need to do the same thing for me
4108	EB: oh really?
4109	EB: this is news to me.
4110	GG: can you see from where youre standing the place your dads car would have fallen?
4111	EB: oh yeah, i think so. it'll be kind of a long walk though, this place is huge.
4112	GG: you should go there and get your copy of the server and set up with me.....
4113	GG: oh and also get your package!!!!!! :)
4114	EB: okay.
4115	EB: wait, how did you know my dad's car fell down here?
4116	GG: johhhhn will you stop trying to trap me!!!
4117	GG: you TOLD me the car fell remember?
4118	GG: jeeeez
4119	EB: jeeeeeeeeeeez!
4120	GG: JEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZ!!!!!
4121	EB: ok fine well color me suspicious anyway.
4122	EB: miss knowitall mcpsychicpants.
4123	GG: john im not any more psychic than you though
4124	EB: ok sure i am convinced.
4125	EB: you have convinced me.
4126	EB: (PSYCHIC PSYCHIC PSYCHIC)
4127	EB: also i told you the package was in the car but i never mentioned that the game was there too.
4128	EB: so kind of totally busted i guess.
4129	EB: GIVE ME A P
4130	EB: GIVE ME AN S
4131	GG: hahahaha oops ok!
4132	GG: i mean i know lots of things but im really serious its no more information than what you have access to
4133	GG: but you dont know it yet
4134	GG: anyway we can talk more about it soon.....
4135	GG: i wont have to be so coy with you anymore because im pretty sure most of the stuff that was supposed to happen has already happened
4136	GG: i couldnt tell you about it because it would have messed it up!
4137	EB: ok, that is fair.
4138	GG: just give me a few minutes while i set up this game!
4139	GG: and say hi to the salamanders for me
4140	GG: <3
4141	oh shiiiiit
4142	TG: hey
4143	TG: will you open your laptop already
4144	TG: see
4145	TG: this is why you need a phone or something
4146	TG: that alerts you to important messages
4147	TG: instead of leaving them trapped
4148	TG: under three inches of fucking yarn
4149	TG: laptops dont need cozies
4150	TG: nothing needs cozies
4151	TG: cozy is a goddamn adjective
4152	TG: maybe ill crochet myself an iphone snuggly
4153	TG: what is this place anyway
4154	TG: what are you doing
4155	TG: i can see your whole damn house here if you want to get filled in or something im sort of the guy with the big picture here
4156	TG: dont make me bop you on the head with a wizard
4157	TG: ill do it
4158	TG: ok no i wont
4159	TG: yet
4160	TG: i guess ill bone up on the faq for a while
4161	TG: so i dont do anything stupid and deploy like 10 crux flangers and fuck up the whole game
4162	TG: oh my god
4163	TG: so many words
4164	TG: do you think like the pulitzer committee is secretly scouring the dregs of the gamefaq archives or something
4165	TG: damn
4166	TG: i cant read this shit im sorry
4167	GG: yo yooooooo!!!!!!!
4168	TG: whoa ok hey
4169	GG: so youre finally playing the game with rose?
4170	TG: yeah
4171	TG: but she wont answer me
4172	GG: shes probably just exploring im sure she will come around soon....
4173	GG: but its great that you got her out of there in time!!!
4174	TG: pretty much you have no idea how much i fuckin own at this game
4175	TG: i bested no less than three flaming tornados and broke a huge wizard
4176	GG: so how does it feel to be a BIG TIME HERO
4177	GG: mister braveybrave mcheropants
4178	TG: it feels like
4179	TG: i am in sports
4180	TG: all alone
4181	TG: and i am the star
4182	TG: its me
4183	TG: and then the big man comes
4184	GG: hehehe
4185	GG: but it turns out to be CRAZY what kind of basket ball this man plays!
4186	GG: ummmm......
4187	GG: the HOOP IS ON FIRE...
4188	GG: ok i forget how it goes
4189	TG: no you got it
4190	TG: we're good
4191	TG: reference secured
4192	GG: yes!!!!!!
4193	GG: so now it is my turn to be the star!
4194	GG: i will be your hero
4195	GG: its me
4196	TG: wait what
4197	GG: i installed the game!
4198	GG: im connecting to you as the server player
4199	TG: oh man
4200	TG: this is ridiculous
4201	TG: i just set this shit up with rose and now i got to do like
4202	TG: some double duty thing
4203	TG: i mean i own at the game and all but cant i just relax for half a second
4204	GG: dont worry!
4205	GG: you can keep playing with rose while i just set up a few things
4206	GG: i figured id get a good head start to avoid all the drama you guys are always getting into
4207	GG: such a bunch of drama queens!!!
4208	TG: what
4209	TG: look i was getting my ass handed to me by my bro on the roof for like an hour and a half
4210	TG: i got served like a dude on butler island
4211	GG: (DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA)
4212	TG: wait does this mean theres a big meteor coming soon
4213	GG: yes!
4214	TG: when you activate the thing will it start the countdown and summon the meteor
4215	GG: itll come when it comes regardless of what we do
4216	GG: the timer really just lets you know when its coming
4217	TG: are you totally sure about all this
4218	GG: yes look here it is!
4219	GG: http://bit.ly/d7kXrQ
4220	TG: ok yes that image is definitely conclusive proof of something and is 100% understandable by anyone who looks at it
4221	TG: how big is this thing
4222	GG: it is REALLY REALLY big
4223	TG: like the size of rhode island or texas or what
4224	TG: i need some context to know how much crap i should be shitting into my pants
4225	GG: ok i dont actually know :(
4226	TG: well as if like one the size of a bus wouldnt kill me anyway
4227	GG: hehe yeah....
4228	TG: wait hold on rose is finally opening her stupid laptop
4229	TG: so do your thing i guess
4230	TG: have fun
4231	GG: thanks i will! <3
4232	CG: HEY JOHN.
4233	CG: CALM THE HELL DOWN.
4234	EB: aaaaaauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuggghhhhhhhh!!!!!!!
4235	EB: how did you find me?????
4236	CG: FIND YOU?
4237	CG: WHAT DO YOU MEAN.
4238	EB: i changed my chum handle to ditch you guys.
4239	EB: how did you find me?
4240	CG: OH.
4241	CG: HA HA!
4242	CG: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!
4243	CG: THIS IS THE LITTLE WORD HUMANS SAY REPEATEDLY WHEN SOMETHING TICKLES THEIR ABSURDITY PALATE, RIGHT?
4244	EB: uh...
4245	EB: lame.
4246	CG: WE NEVER LOST YOU.
4247	CG: YOUR RUSE DIDN'T FOOL US.
4248	CG: IT JUST SO HAPPENS WE DIDN'T PARTICULARLY GIVE A SHIT ABOUT TALKING TO YOU IN THAT TIMEFRAME.
4249	EB: what, the last few months?
4250	CG: WE HAVE THE ENTIRE CONTINUUM OF YOUR EXISTENCE TO CHOOSE FROM WHEN CONTACTING YOU.
4251	CG: THE PERIOD WAS UNREMARKABLE.
4252	CG: SORT OF LIKE YOUR WHOLE LIFE. BUT I GUESS I MEAN IT WAS ESPECIALLY UNREMARKABLE.
4253	CG: THIS HAS BEEN EXPLAINED TO YOU SO OFTEN IT WOULD MAKE ME SICK TO MY HUMAN STOMACH IF I HAD ONE OF YOUR HUMAN STOMACHS.
4254	EB: ok, this time i'll believe you that you aren't human.
4255	EB: because the skepticism center of my brain is starting to wear kind of thin i guess.
4256	EB: but you're still a major asshole and i don't actually want to talk to you, so bye.
4257	CG: WAIT.
4258	CG: BUT I'M NOT HERE TO TROLL YOU THIS TIME.
4259	CG: WE'RE FRIENDS OK?
4260	EB: hahahahahaha!
4261	EB: oh man, look at this outburst of little human words i'm saying!
4262	EB: from my human mouth!
4263	CG: FINE YOU CAN THINK I'M A FUCKING DOUCHE AND MAYBE I AM BUT HERE'S THE FACT, IDIOT.
4264	CG: I'VE ALREADY HAD LOTS OF CONVERSATIONS WITH YOU.
4265	CG: IN THE FUTURE. I MEAN YOUR FUTURE.
4266	CG: I'VE KIND OF BEEN WORKING BACKWARDS HERE FOR A WHILE.
4267	CG: AND IT'S A LITTLE FRUSTRATING.
4268	CG: EVERY TIME I GO FURTHER BACK YOU KNOW LESS AND LESS, AND YOU DON'T REMEMBER ANYTHING I SAID BECAUSE IT HASN'T HAPPENED YET.
4269	CG: AND I HAVE TO REPEAT MYSELF A LOT.
4270	CG: AND I'M GETTING PRETTY FUCKING SICK OF IT.
4271	EB: that's the dumbest thing i've ever heard.
4272	CG: WELL IT'S NOT LIKE I MAPPED OUT THIS TROLLING ONSLAUGHT VERY WELL IN ADVANCE.
4273	CG: I MEAN, WHEN YOU TROLL SOMEONE YOU JUST SORT OF DO IT. YOU DON'T START DRAWING FLOWCHARTS AND DIAGRAMS AND STUFF.
4274	EB: wait...
4275	EB: you have something to do with this game, don't you?
4276	EB: i should have known.
4277	CG: OH GOD.
4278	CG: NOT AGAIN.
4279	CG: NO, FUCK NO, I AM JUST NOT GOING TO EXPLAIN THIS TO YOU AGAIN.
4280	CG: YOU'LL GET PLENTY OF DIRT ON ALL THIS FROM ME IN FUTURE CONVERSATIONS.
4281	CG: TEDIOUS CONVERSATIONS.
4282	CG: ONES I'VE ALREADY HAD WITH YOU.
4283	CG: WHERE YOUR DEMEANOR WILL GRADUALLY BECOME INEXPLICABLY AND REVOLTINGLY FRIENDLY TOWARDS US.
4284	CG: AND SO I GUESS IT JUST WAS KIND OF INFECTIOUS AND NOW WE'RE ALL BUDDIES I THINK.
4285	CG: IT'S REALLY WEIRD.
4286	CG: THIS HUMAN EMOTION YOU CALL FRIENDSHIP.
4287	EB: friendship isn't an emotion fucknuts.
4288	CG: SEE, THAT IS WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.
4289	CG: YOU'RE MUCH MORE TOLERABLE A GUY THAN I THOUGHT AT FIRST, OK JOHN?
4290	EB: why are you kissing my ass?
4291	EB: what do you want? why don't you just tell me what's going on.
4292	EB: are you in the medium?
4293	CG: OK, FINE. YES WE ARE.
4294	EB: like, here in this land, with the clouds and oil and stuff?
4295	CG: MORE OF THIS NARCISSISM.
4296	CG: YOU ALWAYS THINK EVERYTHING REVOLVES AROUND YOU.
4297	CG: WE HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH YOUR DUMB LITTLE WINDY PLANET OR YOUR PETTY LITTLE QUESTS.
4298	CG: OR FOR THAT MATTER YOUR ENTIRE GAME SESSION.
4299	CG: YOU AREN'T THE ONLY ONES PLAYING THE GAME.
4300	CG: EVERY GROUP OF PLAYERS GETS THEIR OWN DISTINCT, BLANK SLATE SESSION.
4301	CG: AS WILL BE EXPLAINED TO YOU MANY TIMES.
4302	EB: so why don't you just explain it again so i know...
4303	EB: so i don't ask so much in the future???
4304	CG: NO.
4305	CG: FUCK THIS SHIT, JUST NO.
4306	CG: I'M ENDING THIS CONVERSATION BECAUSE I'VE SAID IT ALL TOO MANY TIMES.
4307	CG: AND BECAUSE YOU CAN'T UNDERSTAND.
4308	CG: BECAUSE YOU ARE DUMB.
4309	EB: wow, yeah you're totally not trolling me, bro!
4310	EB: i see now we are bffs forever.
4311	CG: THE FACT THAT YOU ARE DUMB
4312	CG: IS AN IMMUTABLE FACT I AM STATING FOR THE RECORD.
4313	CG: IT DOES NOT MEAN ANIMOSITY IS WHAT IS TAKING PLACE HERE.
4314	EB: oh, ok.
4315	EB: so what do you want.
4316	CG: I NEED YOU TO TELL YOUR FRIEND JADE TO TALK TO US.
4317	CG: SHE WON'T ANSWER OUR MESSAGES IN THIS TIMEFRAME.
4318	CG: IT'S IMPORTANT.
4319	EB: yeah, i don't blame her for not answering.
4320	EB: she pretty much can't stand you guys.
4321	EB: because of all the trolling you did before.
4322	EB: remember?
4323	CG: OK, OUR BAD ON THAT.
4324	CG: JUST TELL HER WE'RE SORRY.
4325	CG: AND TO GET HER GROSS AND TOTALLY UNATTRACTIVE HUMAN BUTT OFF HER UGLY HUMAN HIGH HORSE AND ANSWER MY MESSAGES.
4326	EB: maybe.
4327	EB: we'll see.
4328	EB: i'm still not really sold on this friendship thing yet.
4329	EB: but i've got to go now and get on with my petty little quests.
4330	EB: so talk to you in the future i guess.
4331	EB: jerkface.
4332	It's going to be a hike.
4333	There's something up ahead through the forest.
4334	You settle the dispute in the only way you can presently imagine how to settle a dispute. With cans of lukewarm sugary liquid and centuries-old rations.
4335	If only you had access to some means of heating things up.
4336	But it matters not. You warm yourselves in the glow of this human emotion called friendship.
4337	It's almost as if this broken AIR CONDITIONING UNIT was scaled to be a perfect fit for the ALCHEMITER all along.
4338	WEIRD!
4339	TG: do you think like the pulitzer committee is secretly scouring the dregs of the gamefaq archives or something
4340	TG: damn
4341	TG: i cant read this shit im sorry
4342	TT: Hold please.
4343	TG: hold what
4344	TG: i see you at your computer typing
4345	TG: what are you doing
4346	TG: dang
4347	TG: hold on
4348	TG: no seriously stop talking to me for a second it looks like jade is dropping the doomsday tube thingy in my room
4349	TG: brb gotta make sure she doesnt break all my shit
4350	TG: hey wait
4351	GG: these darn birds are in the way!
4352	GG: what are they doing in your apartment anyway!!!
4353	GG: also they are adorable
4354	TG: i always keep birds in here its sort of my thing
4355	GG: ohhhhhhh
4356	GG: kind of like all those silly naked puppets are your bros thing?
4357	TG: no no thats irony this is like
4358	TG: sincere honest to god psychosis
4359	TG: im training to be a lame gothy supervillain
4360	GG: also i think i cant put it down because of the wires on the floor.....
4361	TG: ok
4362	TG: well maybe you should take the opportunity to put it somewhere that isnt stone cold retarded
4363	GG: i wish i played more games
4364	GG: this is hard!!!!
4365	TG: no its not
4366	GG: :P
4367	TT: Jade is connected with you?
4368	TT: Where did she get the discs?
4369	TG: i dont know how does she do any of the loopy batshit nonsense she does
4370	TG: maybe she pulled them out of the volcano over there on bloodmonkey mountain
4371	TT: Wait.
4372	TT: So you mean to tell me she was able to connect with you in a timely fashion, without waiting until you were on the brink of annihilation?
4373	TG: we went over this
4374	TG: i was a little bogged down
4375	TG: in the epic swaddle of legendary puppet taint
4376	TT: I've done nothing but wait for boys to play this game with me all day.
4377	TT: First John lollygagging with the client, and then you with the server, downright filibustering my existence with unending fraternal melee.
4378	TT: And yet a girl, one who didn't even own the game, was able to connect with you minutes after you connected with me.
4379	TG: whoa wait
4380	TG: what the hell is she doing
4381	TG: shes taking my bed what the hell
4382	TT: And there she goes.
4383	TT: She HAS the karma.
4384	TG: so seriously what were you doing just now
4385	TT: I was talking to someone.
4386	TG: who
4387	TT: You remember the trolls?
4388	TG: yeah
4389	TT: One of them messaged me, so I indulged him/her/it for a moment.
4390	TG: oh i see you opted to chat up one of those dbags instead of talk to the guy who saved you from a swirling shitstorm of angry flaming wizards
4391	TG: i was worried your priorities might have been out of whack but no i was dead wrong
4392	TT: I also took a moment to check on John.
4393	TG: how is he
4394	TT: I can't see him anymore. Just his empty house.
4395	TT: But I did talk to him briefly.
4396	TG: i should probably text him soon
4397	TG: see whats up
4398	TG: because
4399	TG: i love him
4400	TT: I know.
4401	TG: so this place youre at now
4402	TG: its the same place hes at right
4403	TT: It's hard to say for certain.
4404	TT: But I think I like it here.
4405	This whole place is a disorganized mess. It kind of reminds you of your room but full of weird and ironic stuff instead of cute and great stuff. Your stuff is so much better.
4406	You're pretty sure these are all Dave's BRO'S puppets. You better not mess with them. Frankly his brother makes you a little nervous.
4407	What the apartment needs is a woman's touch. You grab a TOWEL you found lying around and dampen it with water from the toilet. This is how ordinary people clean ordinary houses, right?
4408	Oops, you dropped it.
4409	GG: oh fuck!!!!!!
4410	Blech. Too warm. Need to find something to chill this down with.
4411	Something to heat up your delicious GRAVY would be nice too.
4412	You excuse yourself for a moment and retrieve a few of your personal belongings. These should really impress your visitors.
4413	That musty old toy on the floor ought to make a nice peace offering for the feisty tall one too. You are quite certain that ladies like squishy useless things like that.
4414	The yellow bandaged fellow seems to have slogged off somewhere. But the tall mail carrier with the lovely white complexion would probably get a kick out of your big computer with the weird boy on it.
4415	You show her inside.
4416	The hole blown into the the station by the caution guy's rocket leads into the third room, which had been locked.
4417	Unsurprisingly there is another sort of gizmo in here and you have no idea what it does.
4418	The station is very low on power so you don't think you'll be able to find out.
4419	You unlock the third room from the inside, and go to the computer room.
4420	There he is! The funny boy you were talking about. His name is John.
4421	You encourage your alabaster friend so say hi to him using the human keypad communication system.
4422	But instead she takes note of your nice chalk drawings and pays you a compliment.
4423	You are somewhat mystified by the fact that she is be more impressed by your silly drawings than your amazing technology.
4424	Maybe simple things are the key to the heart of a lady. You do not know because you do not know anything about ladies really. They are a riddle draped in a mystery wrapped in post-apocalyptic shroudwear.
4425	You decide to give her the chalk. She is grateful for the colorful present and thinks it looks like fun.
4426	Suddenly a powerful aroma hits your nonexistent nostrils. Someone is cooking something delicious. It demands investigation.
4427	You stop and examine the kind mayor's device. It is quite similar to the one in your station, before the unfortunate accident. The one with the familiar looking girl on it. Perhaps this one is best left alone.
4428	Still, there is something familiar about the boy on this monitor too.
4429	Yep. That's right.
4430	John isn't directly cognizant of your greeting, but I'm sure he would feel likewise.
4431	Ok, have at it! If you're at a loss, click the controller button up there.
4432	This may or may not mean anything to you depending on your current perspective.
4433	You got a MINITABLET!
4434	You drop in one of your precious SHOES. You hate to see it go, but you have to follow the custom and give it what the tablet asks for.
4435	Same with this one you guess. At least this HAT didn't technically belong to your DAD. You made it yourself.
4436	"I am a secret wizard. Behold my robes."
4437	Behold robes?
4438	Y/N
4439	You wonder what the hell a secret wizard is. You don't think you'll ask him for your bedsheet back.
4440	You got an UNCARVED MINITABLET!
4441	You got a CHISEL.
4442	You got a CHUNK OF...
4443	Why am I repeating myself?
4444	He has renamed himself Crumplehat. He has dishonored his ancestors beyond comprehension with this frivolous accessory.
4445	JOHN: nanna, are you there?
4446	NANNASPRITE: Yes!
4447	JOHN: i just saw my house from below. what gives? why did the gate take me down here?
4448	NANNASPRITE: All the gates do, John. To ascend, each time you must first descend!
4449	JOHN: huh. alright. so i guess i scramble around down here until... uh, until what?
4450	NANNASPRITE: Until you find the next gate. It is hidden somewhere in the Land.
4451	JOHN: ok, so i get to that gate and go in. then what? where does it take me? uh... further up maybe? but i haven't even built that high yet.
4452	NANNASPRITE: So you see why you had to build in the first place, John? You must have a little faith in your dear old nanna!
4453	JOHN: yeah, well, i do nanna but i'm still not really getting it. does the next gate down here take me back up to the house or something?
4454	JOHN: (please don't say hoo hoo hoo)
4455	NANNASPRITE: HOO. HOO HOO.
4456	Apparently she can.
4457	Though usually she goes by Rose.
4458	TG: this is the worst shitting thing ive ever seen
4459	TG: the thing that just happened
4460	GG: hi dave!!!!
4461	TG: jesus
4462	TG: and the worst thing is
4463	TG: all that juice i drank
4464	TG: i mean
4465	TG: you just HAD TO FIGURE all that juice was going to come back to haunt me
4466	TG: like frankensteins incontinent fucking ghost
4467	TG: it was like
4468	TG: chekhovs juice
4469	GG: hehehe what??
4470	TG: let me be perfectly clear
4471	TG: what i am trying to say is
4472	TG: its like fucking christmas up in my bladder here
4473	TG: and where do i find my toilet
4474	TG: oh look here it is
4475	TG: amputated in my room
4476	TG: gagged with a towel like a fucking prison hostage
4477	TG: and now the cruxploder is counting down
4478	TG: 4 hours oh i guess thats not that bad
4479	GG: 4 hours until what?
4480	TG: what
4481	TG: oh god
4482	TG: are you asleep
4483	GG: ummm....
4484	GG: i................
4485	GG: i think i might be!
4486	TG: ok
4487	TG: ok lets just
4488	TG: not panic here
4489	GG: im not panicking i feel fine!
4490	TG: lets try to play it cool
4491	TG: and not break all my shit
4492	TG: also dont put anything weird in the seizure kernel
4493	TG: im going to go find somewhere to pee
4494	TG: dont watch me ok
4495	GG: <_<;
4496	TG: like i know you dream about me enough already
4497	TG: lets keep some shit left to the imagination ok
4498	GG: i wont look ok jeez!!!!!
4499	TG: the last thing i need is for your weird brain webcam to be snapping shots of my dong
4500	TG: your grandpa was a sick fuck why would he build a voyeurbot for a little girl
4501	TG: fuck
4502	GG: stop being a huge baby and go peeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!
4503	You begin to hatch a brilliant plan.
4504	Once you're done you'll captchalogue the bottle and send the code to Egbert and tell him it's something really important. Then he'll make it and be like, oh man yes apple juice I am so thirsty!!!
4505	But he will not be drinking delicious juice, oh no. He will be choking down a world of hot piss and it will serve him right for liking all those dumbass movies unironically.
4506	But that all sounds like a big waste of time so you just go in the shower.
4507	GG: oh nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
4508	GG: :(
4509	GG: dave
4510	TG: what
4511	GG: :(
4512	TG: what is it
4513	GG: dave this poor bird
4514	TG: what bird
4515	GG: the one with the sword through it!!!
4516	TG: i wouldnt know anything about that
4517	GG: but isnt this your sword?
4518	TG: that could be anyones sword
4519	GG: :|
4520	TG: what does it look like
4521	TG: is it a cheap piece of shit
4522	TG: cause i only bother with high quality blades
4523	TG: forged by stoic asian masters
4524	TG: hells of rude kinds of expensive
4525	GG: all i know is........
4526	GG: its sharp and its through a bird and its a sword
4527	GG: end of story!!!!!!
4528	GG: i am going to help the poor bird
4529	TG: wait
4530	TG: what do you mean
4531	TG: dammit hold on a minute
4532	TG: wow awesome
4533	TG: so now i guess instead having of a wise or helpful spirit guide sprite thing
4534	TG: im stuck with this brainless feathery asshole
4535	GG: what do you mean i just brought the cute birdie back to life!!!
4536	GG: isnt he great?
4537	TG: we need to wake you up
4538	TG: youre not very logical like this
4539	TG: kind of dumb really
4540	GG: gosh im SOOOO SOOOORRY!!!!!!!!
4541	GG: i was tired!
4542	TG: yeah but come on you sleep like 20 hours a day
4543	GG: well you are out of luck.....
4544	GG: i will wake up when im good and ready!
4545	TG: where are you sitting
4546	TG: are you on your bed
4547	GG: yes why
4548	TG: what side
4549	GG: ummmmmm....
4550	GG: the right side...
4551	GG: why??
4552	TG: ok heres what i want you to do
4553	TG: just humor me
4554	TG: raise your left hand
4555	GG: okaaay......
4556	TG: now
4557	TG: just kind of swat the air to your left
4558	GG: ...
4559	You are vaguely reminded of something. It's hard to remember. It was so many years ago.
4560	What have we here? An illegally parked vehicle.
4561	You sure hope this guy's got a swollen porkhollow. He just landed himself in citation city.
4562	This looks much more orderly. Public safety has been assured. Your sworn duty as an AUTHORITY REGULATOR has been upheld.
4563	Hello. What have we here?
4564	You discover a couple of UNAUTHORIZED PARCELS in the cabin of the vehicle. You confiscate them immediately.
4565	You are a simple PARCEL MISTRESS on one of your routes. Today is another day of uneventful but highly satisfying deliveries.
4566	You stop in your tracks. It is a dangerous AGENT from the enemy kingdom. Perhaps you should avoid him.
4567	But you notice he is holding two parcels. You recognize one of them. You have spent a long time looking for it.
4568	It looks like you are going to need to get that package from him somehow.
4569	Sons of bitches are harder to kill than you thought they'd be.
4570	The giclops absconds.
4571	You could have sworn that strange man was holding your copy of Colonel Sassacre's.
4572	It is a clear and peaceful night. A delicious meal has been shared with new friends. The glow of the ammunition fire gradually subsides. All is well.
4573	But you can't shake the feeling there is something familiar about all this. There is something you are forgetting.
4574	Of course. Now you remember.
4575	You must deliver a message to John right away.
4576	WOMEN.
4577	You conclude you have no choice. You will march right up to him and ask politely for the package.
4578	Wait a minute...
4579	What's this?
4580	It is a carved MINITABLET.
4581	The carving is not especially clear to say the least. But your wealth of delivery experience allows you to decipher it immediately.
4582	It is the other parcel the agent is holding. It appears you will need to acquire both from him now. It is your sworn duty.
4583	You do not have a sword. You are quite sure it would never occur to you to carry a sword or resort to violence under any circumstance.
4584	You will have to take a more diplomatic route with this fellow.
4585	You doff so furiously you are in danger of starting a HAT FIRE.
4586	Probably not the best idea around all this oil. Especially without any sort of flame suppressant handy.
4587	He cannot give them to you. They are ILLEGAL CONTRABAND, and if you wish to petition for their release, you must consult with his superiors.
4588	You show him the carved MINITABLET. As he can plainly see, you have signed authorization to deliver one of the parcels.
4589	He gives you the ENVELOPE. But he retains the PACKAGE.
4590	You quickly drop the ENVELOPE into an empty PYXIS. It is out of your hands now. THE BREEZE will know where to take it.
4591	You follow the agent. You must not lose track of that parcel.
4592	You have some questions for that guy, whoever he is.
4593	But the village is still burning. You've got to help these salamanders put out this fire.
4594	Ok you JUST SAID they were salamanders.
4595	Anyway, thank goodness for your BARBASOL BOMB. The cooling lather should work its magic in no time...
4596	OH GOD HOW CAN SHAVING CREAM BE SO FLAMMABLE
4597	A big gust of wind conveniently comes along and blows out all the fire.
4598	It is really convenient.
4599	The townspeople rejoice and are more than willing to give you all the credit. You suspect it is probably because they are not all that smart.
4600	Why yes, it appears you do.
4601	You seem amenable to this request. It's a little wobbly up on top of all these dancing lizards though.
4602	Not that it matters because you suck at drawing anyway.
4603	JASPERSPRITE is nowhere to be found. He always was a little cagey, even when he was alive.
4604	Someone is pestering you. But you are oblivious to the message because your laptop is buried under three inches of fucking yarn.
4605	There are footprints in the white sand.
4606	It looks like they lead out back to the mausoleum.
4607	The mausoleum was destroyed by the explosion. The secret passage remains.
4608	You have no idea where it leads, but it sure isn't the lab anymore.
4609	It seems someone has recently untied a boat.
4610	You build a bigger and better town to preside over. All expatriates are welcome, no matter what happened in the past, regardless of professional persuasion or metallurgical affiliation. You cut the town's ribbon with an official JUDICIAL BAYONET, which is stuck inside a grenade but you are kind of nervous about removing it.
4611	This should catch the eye of the tall nice lady.
4612	The grumpy yellow guy thinks this is dumb.
4613	He thinks it is dumb because any town without a proper militia is as good as conquered.
4614	As such he prepares one begrudgingly. It's a dirty job, but someone must be charged with the defense of the innocent.
4615	The stars twinkle over the freshly christened EXILE TOWN. It is a beautiful evening and the future is so full of promise you can't imagine what could possibly oh my god a huge eggy looking thing just appeared in the sky.
4616	Ok, you do that and then he makes a totem with it and then some other stuff happens and then...
4617	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/EGG!.gif" border="0" />
4618	TG: oh man
4619	TG: awesome
4620	TG: its awesome where you put that
4621	TG: i was worried we were on the verge of getting some shit done
4622	GG: duuurrrrr dave i was going to build some stairs up there durrrrrhhhhhh
4623	TG: well where are they
4624	TG: you say there will be stairs
4625	TG: and yet
4626	TG: i see no stairs
4627	GG: gosh i dont know i guess i didnt find the time to make them because i keep getting punched in the face by robots and stuff!!!!!!!
4628	TG: sorry
4629	GG: ;p
4630	TG: am i supposed to break that thing
4631	TG: or hatch it
4632	TG: or what
4633	GG: i dont know!
4634	TG: also what happened to all my shit
4635	TG: the stuff scattered all over the roof
4636	TG: did you put it somewhere
4637	GG: nope....
4638	TG: i mean not that i care
4639	TG: it was a lot of mostly useless garbage
4640	GG: what was it doing up here?
4641	TG: i was going to use it to fight my bro with
4642	TG: but i guess i forgot in the heat of battle
4643	TG: also he was too fast
4644	Whoops, looks like that dumb idea isn't going to happen!
4645	A brainless feathery asshole swoops down and carries the egg away.
4646	TG: ok so
4647	TG: the egg is now in a nest made of shitty swords and soft puppet ass
4648	TG: please advise
4649	GG: i think your sprite wants to hatch it!
4650	GG: awww
4651	TG: do you think thatll take more than four hours
4652	GG: hmm...
4653	GG: i dont know it looks like its pretty warm where you are
4654	TG: its hot as the sizzle side of the steak
4655	GG: maybe not too long then????
4656	GG: i guess we'll find out!
4657	TG: maybe i should try to get it back
4658	TG: and put it in the microwave
4659	GG: :(
4660	You can't! You'll need some SHALE for that.
4661	GG: ok some of these things we can deploy but some things we dont have nearly enough grist for!
4662	TG: you mean the jumper block thing
4663	GG: no no weve got enough for that.....
4664	GG: but its still pretty expensive
4665	TG: wait what
4666	TG: the thing costs 1000 for me
4667	GG: yeah me too!
4668	GG: and we have 2000 to work with
4669	GG: ok 1998 ._.
4670	TG: what
4671	TG: man i only got 200 to splash around with in roses rainbow world
4672	TG: what the hell
4673	GG: ohhh...
4674	GG: how much did rose start with? when she was playing with john?
4675	TG: hang on ill ask
4676	GG: k
4677	TG: she says 20
4678	GG: i guess we keep getting more with each server/client connection!
4679	TG: yeah
4680	TG: so i guess you can buy everything now
4681	GG: no!!!!
4682	GG: i cant buy the holopad thingy and the intellibeam laserstation
4683	TG: ok now i know youre making this shit up
4684	GG: hahahaha no theyre right here!
4685	GG: they cost a fortune
4686	TG: well all i got here is the designix which i cant deploy cause i dont have any purples
4687	TG: and the expensive as hell jumper thing and the cheap shunts which i assume do dick all without the jumpers to put em on
4688	TG: oh also this cd which is 100 but i didnt drop cause it seemed like a stiff allocation of resources for now
4689	GG: yeah ive got that too!
4690	GG: i will deploy it
4691	TG: so with each new connection in our player chain i guess new weird deployables are introduced
4692	GG: yes i think that is how it works
4693	GG: when john connects with me he will probably get some cool new things too!
4694	TG: hey look we're learning stuff
4695	TG: what should i do with these beta copies
4696	TG: i dont really need them anymore
4697	GG: i suppose just hang on to them for a while........
4698	GG: and then later
4699	GG: just do whatever you are naturally compelled to do with them!
4700	TG: wow that was a weird answer
4701	TG: but ok
4702	You take the BETA and the CD.
4703	It was obviously labeled as the JUMPER BLOCK EXTENSION.
4704	It appears to be deployable only as an extension to the ALCHEMITER. Looks like you're going to have to move it.
4705	Damn, and it looked so nice up there!
4706	You expend another relatively affordable 100 BUILD GRIST to relocate it.
4707	You then pay the steep fee of 1000 BUILD GRIST to deploy the JUMPER BLOCK EXTENSION.
4708	Again, the name of the thing was right there in plain sight.
4709	You deploy the PUNCH CARD SHUNT for peanuts.
4710	Looks like a captchalogue card is supposed to fit in the slot.
4711	You put the card in the slot and stick the shunt on the jumper pins.
4712	Nothing happens. You might need to stick a punched card in there, probably allowing the holes in the card to affect the flow of current through the circuits. And to punch cards you'll need to get a designix somehow.
4713	GRISTTORRENT is now running.
4714	You start leeching off John's SHALE at a pace of 4 g/s.
4715	Not the fastest download rate, but then again you don't need a whole lot. In one second you already collect enough for a PUNCH DESIGNIX.
4716	You set the application to leech off John's BUILD GRIST because he's obviously got too much for his own good.
4717	It cuts the download rate in half though.
4718	EB: rose?
4719	EB: are you there?
4720	EB: i went through the gate, nanna said you might be here too.
4721	EB: are you in kind of this spooky glowy place with oily rivers and stuff?
4722	EB: let me know ok.
4723	TT: I guess one could use those words to describe it.
4724	TT: If armed with a predilection for the inapt.
4725	EB: bluh bluh bluuuuuhhhhh.
4726	EB: ok, what words would you use, miss wordypants mcsmartybluh.
4727	TT: Eerily iridescent?
4728	EB: umm...
4729	TT: I certainly don't see any oily rivers.
4730	TT: There's an ocean though.
4731	EB: i haven't found an ocean yet.
4732	EB: but i dunno, the place is really big.
4733	EB: it's like a whole planet down here.
4734	EB: oh man, which reminds me.
4735	EB: i just got hounded by a troll.
4736	TT: Yes, one of them is bugging me now.
4737	TT: I thought it was odd timing.
4738	EB: yeah well, they say they want to be friends, also they're playing sburb but like not the same session as ours or something.
4739	EB: oh also they're moving backwards in time, which sounds really retarded, but whatever.
4740	TT: Color my curiosity piqued, I guess.
4741	EB: yeah, i guess answer him if you want. or not.
4742	EB: but anyway, it's great you made it here alive and stuff!
4743	EB: so dave came through?
4744	TT: Eventually.
4745	TT: Pardon the envy I'm about to vent in your direction.
4746	EB: for what?
4747	TT: For finding yourself at the mercy of a rational orchestrator.
4748	EB: oh, haha.
4749	EB: yeah, i'd feel kinda weird if dave was watching me too.
4750	TT: You don't feel weird when I watch you?
4751	EB: rose i feel weird when you're just TALKING to me, when you're watching me it's just like the weird frosting on the big weirdo cake.
4752	TT: I can't see you now, for what it's worth.
4753	EB: yes i'm freeeeeeeeee :D
4754	EB: ok, i'm going to go over this river and through these woods.
4755	EB: you talk to your troll i guess.
4756	EB: we'll compare notes later.
4757	TT: Ok.
4758	TT: Bye, John.
4759	GC: H3Y L4LOND3
4760	GC: STOP CRY1NG 1N YOUR MOMS B3V3R4G3
4761	GC: SH3 H4T3S YOU 4ND H4S L3FT YOU FOR3V3R
4762	GC: H3H3H3H >8D
4763	TT: Now I'm confused.
4764	TT: On the surface, this appears to be another contrivance from a troll desperate to offend.
4765	TT: But John said you wanted to be friends.
4766	TT: And if you knew me, I suppose your remark could be construed as a ploy to elicit agreement.
4767	TT: And soon, rapport.
4768	TT: Not that it would actually work.
4769	GC: GOD
4770	GC: YOU R34LLY DO T4LK TOO MUCH
4771	TT: So which is it?
4772	GC: OOOOOOOOOH
4773	GC: YOUR T3XT SM3LLS GOOD
4774	GC: 1S TH4T L4V3ND3R
4775	TT: You smell words?
4776	GC: YOU DONT???
4777	TT: Right. Aliens, I forgot.
4778	GC: Y3S 1TS 34SY TO FORG3T
4779	GC: G1V3N OUR "R4PPORT"
4780	GC: 4ND HOW MUCH W3 R34LLY H4V3 1N COMMON
4781	GC: 1 FORG3T TH4T YOU HUM4NS 4CTU4LLY COMMUN1C4T3 W1TH SP33CH 1NST34D OF R3L34SING CLOUDS OF FR4GR4NT G4S3S
4782	GC: 4ND SM3LL1NG 3ACH OTH3RS S3NT3NC3S
4783	TT: Gross.
4784	GC: 4H4H4H4 SO GULL1BL3
4785	GC: YOULL B3L13V3 4NYTH1NG 1 T3LL YOU
4786	GC: OF COURS3 W3 T4LK DUMMY >8]
4787	TT: Still not sure if I'm being courted or trolled here.
4788	GC: 1M GO1NG TO GO W1TH TH3 LATT3R
4789	GC: 1 H4T3 YOU 4LL QU1T3 4 LOT
4790	GC: BUT 1 TH1NK
4791	GC: TH3 OTH3RS W1LL 3V3NTU4LLY R34L1Z3 TH4T 1TLL B3 MUTU4LLY B3N3F1C14L FOR US 4LL TO WORK TOG3TH3R
4792	GC: 4ND SO TH3YLL PROB4BLY B3 4LL FR13NDLY L1KE L4T3R ON
4793	TT: By later on, you mean now?
4794	GC: Y34H
4795	GC: TH4TS PROB4BLY WH4T JOHN W4S H34RING
4796	GC: 4ND M4YBE TH3YLL 3V3N M34N 1T 4ND W4NT TO B3 FR13NDLY
4797	GC: BUT 1 1NT3ND TO ST4Y P1SS3D 4T YOU FOR3V3R
4798	GC: 3V3N 1F 1 S33M H3LPFUL
4799	TT: Then you're in luck.
4800	TT: Because you don't.
4801	GC: H3H3 NO BUT 1 W1LL BE
4802	GC: TH3 F4CT TH4T 1 W1LL B3 H3LPFUL
4803	GC: 1S 4N 1MMUT4BL3 F4CT 1 4M ST4T1NG FOR TH3 R3CORD
4804	GC: 1T DO3S NOT M34N FR13NDSH1P 1S WH4T 1S T4K1NG PL4C3 H3R3
4805	TT: John was told you were moving backwards through time.
4806	TT: Was he gullible to believe this?
4807	TT: Or is the fact that I'm asking just further indication of my own gullibility?
4808	TT: Feel free to continue shifting the definition of the word to suit your convenience.
4809	GC: W3 H4V3NT 3V3N B33N T4LK1NG TO YOU FOR LONG
4810	GC: L1K3 4 F3W M1NUT3S FROM MY P3RSP3CT1V3
4811	GC: 1F TH3R3 4R3 SOM3 OF US WHO D3C1D3D TO ST4RT T4LK1NG TO YOU 4T TH3 3ND OF YOUR 4DV3NTUR3 R1GHT OFF TH3 B4T
4812	GC: 1NST34D OF 4T THE B3G1NN1NG L1K3 WH4TS LOG1C4L
4813	GC: TH3N TH4TS TH31R STUP1D BUS1NESS
4814	GC: 1M ST4Y1NG L1N34R
4815	GC: C4US3 W31RD T1M3 STUFF G1V3S ME A H34D4CHE
4816	GC: OH 4LSO 1TS PO1NTL3SS
4817	TT: Alright, let's continue milking my human gullibility and say I believe you. You're the sensible one who's decided to communicate with us in linear lockstep with our timeline in order to help us out.
4818	TT: How can you help me?
4819	GC: YOU JUST 3NT3R3D YOUR M3D1UM R1GHT
4820	TT: Yes.
4821	GC: OK
4822	GC: DO3S 1T S33M L1K3 TH3R3 1S A SUBTL3 VO1C3 1N YOUR H34D URG1NG YOU TO DO TH1NGS
4823	TT: Yes.
4824	TT: It's not so subtle, actually.
4825	GC: Y3S!!!!!!! >8O
4826	GC: FOR M3 TOO 1T W4S MOR3 LOUD 4ND CL34R TH4N FOR TH3 OTH3RS
4827	GC: YOU S33 W3 4R3 M34NT TO B3 B3ST H4T3FR13NDS FOR3V3R
4828	TT: A beautiful soulgrudge this cosmic was surely authored by the constellations.
4829	GC: TH3Y 4LL THOUGHT 1 W4S CR4ZY
4830	GC: BUT H4H4H4 1T TURN3D OUT W3 4LL W3R3 1N OUR OWN W4YS
4831	GC: TH4T H3LP3D US R34LIZ3 TH3 P4RTICUL4R D3ST1N13S THE G4M3 PUT TOG3TH3R FOR US
4832	GC: 1N TH3 VOC4BUL4RY OF L1K3
4833	GC: TH3 HYP3R FL3XIBL3 MYTHOLOGY 1T T41LORS TO 34CH PL4Y3R GROUP
4834	TT: You mean, for instance...
4835	TT: If a player were to learn she was a "Seer"?
4836	GC: Y34H 3X4CTLY! S33R OF M1ND P4G3 OF BR34TH KN1GHT OF BLOOD M41D OF T1M3
4837	GC: 3TC 3TC 3TC
4838	GC: 12 FOR US BUT OBV1OUSLY 4 FOR YOU
4839	GC: 3V3RY S3SS1ON 1S D1FF3R3NT
4840	TT: And this voice?
4841	GC: OH Y34H
4842	GC: 1TS 4N 3X1L3
4843	TT: Exiled from what?
4844	GC: 1T TOOK US FOR3V3R TO F1GUR3 TH1S OUT
4845	GC: B3C4US3 TH3Y 4R3NT M34NT TO B3 4N OBV1OUS 4SP3CT OF TH3 G4M3
4846	GC: TH3YR3 ON YOUR D34D PLAN3T
4847	GC: JUST L1K3 TH3YR3 ON OURS
4848	GC: Y34RS 4FT3R 1TS R3CKON1NG
4849	GC: TH31R ROL3 1S TO H3LP YOU ON YOUR QU3ST 1N SOM3 W4YS
4850	GC: TH3 OBV1OUS W4Y 1S BY D1R3CTLY GU1DING YOUR 4CT1ONS
4851	GC: BUT M4YB3 TH3 MOR3 1MPORT4NT W4YS 4R3 TH3S3 L1TTL3 TH1NGS TH3Y DO PROB4BLY W1THOUT 3V3N R34L1Z1NG 1T
4852	GC: 4CT1ONS TH4T COMPL3T3 LOOPS 1N TH3 T1M3L1NE
4853	GC: COGS 1N P4R4DOX SP4C3
4854	TT: Paradox space?
4855	GC: OH H3LL
4856	GC: L1ST3N TH3 UN1V3RS3 W1LL 34T P4R4DOX3S FOR BR34KF4ST
4857	GC: 4ND SO W1LL TH1S G4M3
4858	GC: G3T US3D TO 1T
4859	GC: BY NOW YOU SHOULD R34L1Z3 TH1S WHOL3 M3SS W4S 4 B1G S3LF FULLF1LL1NG CLUST3RFUCK
4860	GC: A HUG3 ORG14ST1C MOB1US DOUBL3 R34CH4ROUND
4861	TT: I'm starting to see that.
4862	TT: So the exiles are on Earth? Does that mean our goal is to get back there too? To resurrect it somehow?
4863	GC: NO NO NO
4864	GC: S33 1RON1C4LLY TH3Y G3T TO DO TH4T
4865	GC: 4FT3R TH3YR3 DON3 H3LP1NG YOU TH4T 1S
4866	GC: YOUR JOB 1S OF GR34T3R CONS3QU3NC3 TO S4Y TH3 L34ST
4867	GC: BUT P4RT OF TH31R JOB 1S TO R3BU1LD L1F3 4ND C1V1L1Z4T1ON TH3R3
4868	GC: 4ND 1F TH3YR3 SUCC3SSFUL 1N THOUS4NDS OR M1LL1ONS OF Y34RS TH3 T3CHNOLOGY 1S UN34RTH3D 4ND TH3 PL4N3T 1S R1P3 FOR S33D1NG 4LL OV3R 4G41N
4869	TT: You never answered the question. Where were they exiled from?
4870	GC: FROM TH3 TWO K1NGDOMS 1N TH3 1NC1P1SPH3R3
4871	GC: 3XP4TR14T3D DUR1NG TH3 R3CKON1NG
4872	GC: FORM3R 4G3NTS
4873	TT: What are agents?
4874	GC: 1 TH1NK
4875	GC: TH1S W1LL B3 MOR3 CONSTRUCT1V3
4876	GC: 1F 1 CONT4CT YOU 4G41N 1N 4 L1TTL3 WH1L3
4877	GC: WH3N YOU KNOW MOR3
4878	GC: 4ND 1 DONT H4V3 TO 3XPL41N SO MUCH
4879	TT: When?
4880	GC: 1N 4 COUPL3 OF S3CONDS
4881	GC: FOR M3
4882	GC: BUT NOT FOR YOU
4883	GC: SUCK3R
4884	GT: hey, happy birthday jade!
4885	GG: yay thank you john!!!!! :D
4886	GT: whew ok, i got your present in the mail JUST on time.
4887	GT: plus i sent rose's and dave's too.
4888	GT: why do your guys'es birthdays got to be all bunched together like that??? you are running me ragged!
4889	GG: heheh i know but it is nice of you to think of us all like that!
4890	GT: i can't wait for you to see what i got you. i don't want to spoil it or anything but hopefully it will help you solve those problems you've been having lately.
4891	GT: MYSTERIOUS WINK ;)
4892	GG: im sure it is great, i cant wait either!!!!!
4893	GG: it might take a while to get here from there but it will be worth the wait!
4894	GT: oh man.
4895	GT: i am such an idiot, i forgot about how long it takes you to get stuff.
4896	GT: ARGH.
4897	GG: john thats ok really! im sure will get to me exactly when it needs to and it will be a nice surprise when it does!
4898	GT: ok well i hope so.
4899	GG: <3......
4900	GG: uhhhh hold on
4901	CG: WAIT GOD DAMMIT DON'T BLOCK ME.
4902	CG: I MEAN NOT THAT BLOCKING ME WOULD DO ANYTHING.
4903	CG: BUT JUST LISTEN.
4904	GG: what do you want?????
4905	CG: I JUST HAVE TO DELIVER A MESSAGE AND THEN I'LL GO.
4906	CG: IT IS A MESSAGE FROM YOU, SO YOU PROBABLY OUGHT TO LISTEN.
4907	GG: this is nonsense
4908	GG: every time i believe something you say you laugh at me and call me a gullible human!!!!
4909	GG: its so childish
4910	CG: OK FINE I ADMIT IT, I COMPLETELY SHIT THE BED HERE.
4911	CG: I GET THAT.
4912	CG: AND I CAN'T PROMISE I WON'T KEEP TROLLING YOU.
4913	CG: CAUSE I WILL, IN WEEKS OR MONTHS OR WHATEVER.
4914	CG: I'LL KEEP GIVING YOU A HARD TIME, BUT SEE THAT WON'T BE PRESENT ME.
4915	CG: THAT'S PAST ME.
4916	CG: FROM LIKE A HALF HOUR AGO OR SO, WHEN I WAS MORE HOT AND BOTHERED ABOUT ALL THIS, OK?
4917	GG: D:
4918	GG: i dont know what youre talking about at all.....
4919	GG: its another prank
4920	CG: WHATEVER, FINE, THINK IT'S A PRANK.
4921	CG: AS LONG AS YOU REMEMBER THIS CONVERSATION.
4922	CG: SEE WE'RE TRYING TO TALK TO YOU IN THE FUTURE, AND IT'S IMPORTANT, BUT YOU WON'T ANSWER US.
4923	CG: SO WE TALKED TO YOU WAAAY IN THE FUTURE TO ASK HOW TO GET IN TOUCH WITH NOT-SO-FUTURE YOU.
4924	CG: ARE YOU FOLLOWING?
4925	GG: no
4926	CG: SHE SAID TO TALK TO YOU NOW AND TELL YOU THIS.
4927	CG: YOU KNOW YOUR ROBOT?
4928	GG: you mean the robot you think is stupid?
4929	GG: the one youve mocked me for having on a number of occasions???
4930	CG: YEAH, WELL I STILL DO THINK YOUR ROBOT IS STUPID.
4931	CG: BUT THAT'S BESIDES THE POINT.
4932	CG: LATER ON IT WILL BLOW UP FOR SOME REASON. IT DOESN'T MATTER WHY.
4933	GG: this is the worst prank youve ever pulled!!!!!!
4934	CG: QUIET.
4935	CG: ANYWAY, WHEN IT HAPPENS YOU WON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.
4936	CG: THE THING TO DO IS TO CONTACT US.
4937	CG: AND WE'LL TELL YOU WHAT TO DO.
4938	GG: why should i do that?
4939	CG: BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT YOU TOLD US TO TELL YOU.
4940	CG: WHATEVER, BELIEVE ME, DON'T BELIEVE ME, I DID MY JOB.
4941	CG: I'M OUT OF HERE.
4942	GG: ok im back sorry
4943	GG: i had to tell someone to go away!
4944	GT: oh god.
4945	GT: the trolls again?
4946	GG: yup :o
4947	GT: they have been such a pain in the ass lately.
4948	GT: it seems like there are so many.
4949	GT: there are either like fifty of these retards or it's one guy with a lot of alt accounts.
4950	GG: ive never had any sort of feeling about them or what they want which is kind of weird!!!
4951	GG: but it seems to me like they are probably all different people and not one guy
4952	GG: i have counted twelve
4953	GT: what do they want with us!!!
4954	GG: some people just like to needle others for some reason john
4955	GG: it is like a game i guess. they are like pranksters!!
4956	GT: oh hell no, shittiest pranksters ever.
4957	GG: but i think they are mostly harmless
4958	GG: every so often they manage to get through my block filter and hassle me. its been going on for years! actually some of them are kind of funny i think hehe
4959	GT: oh wow, what? years??
4960	GT: ok, well i am sick of them.
4961	GT: i've been thinking of changing my pesterchum handle to throw them off.
4962	GT: so...
4963	GT: i guess i'm gonna do that.
4964	The package from your pen-pal appears again. You've been wondering when it was going to show up. It has been months since you last worked on it!
4965	Hopefully your friend has made the final modifications you require. You'll have to mail it soon so it reaches John in time!
4966	GC: H3H3
4967	GT: uuuuugh
4968	GC: H4H4H
4969	GC: H3H3H3H3
4970	GT: ?
4971	GC: LOL!
4972	GC: H3H3H3H3H3H3H3
4973	GC: >:]
4974	GT: well
4975	GT: i guess you're not too bad a troll if this is all you do.
4976	GT: just laughing and stuff.
4977	GC: H33H33H33!!!!
4978	GC: H4H4H4H4
4979	GT: hehe
4980	GC: 4H4H4H44H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4
4981	GT: hehehehehehe
4982	GC: JOHN
4983	GC: WHY WOULD YOU L4UGH 4T 4 BL1ND G1RL
4984	GT: uh...
4985	GC: YOU H4V3 NO 1D34 HOW MUCH YOU D1SGUST M3
4986	GC: YOUR3 4 TOT4L D1SGR4C3 TO TH3 F13LD OF 3CTOB1OLOGY
4987	GC: 1F W3 3V3R M33T
4988	GC: 1M GO1NG TO CUT YOUR THRO4T
4989	GC: 4ND L1ST3N TO YOU BL33D WH1L3 1 SM3LL YOU D13
4990	You think it's time to change your chumhandle.
4991	To what, though...
4992	Gotta be something they'll never suspect. What was that thing she said you were a disgrace to? You have kind of a hard time reading shitty leetspeak in spite of your awesome hacker cred.
4993	You have followed the AUTHORITY REGULATOR into enemy territory. It is a risky move and this dark palace makes you very uncomfortable. But it is imperative you press on and recover that parcel.
4994	You have brought along a PARKING CITATION. If confronted, you will say you are only here to deliver payment and leave.
4995	You have no idea where you're going. You are too nervous to ask anyone.
4996	You take a turn somewhere and find an especially regal looking red carpet. You wonder where it could possibly lead.
4997	The BLACK QUEEN directs you to the office of the ARCHAGENT. He is in charge of most of the tedious paperwork around here.
4998	You return to a more typical mindset. You suddenly feel empowered to make important decisions on your own without supervision. Parental or otherwise.
4999	Such as this one.
5000	Just a tiny sip couldn't hurt...
5001	A WINDSWEPT QUESTANT suddenly appears.
5002	You follow the command telling you to command John to put the carved tablet in the pyxis and type, "John, put the carved tablet into the pyxis."
5003	You successfully do that, and he successfully does that too. Everyone is friendly and cooperative.
5004	What the hell was that???
5005	It almost sounded like a huge egg appeared in the sky and landed, and then someone mysterious teleported out of it.
5006	You find the agent's office. But he is nowhere to be found.
5007	You eye something on the desk there.
5008	If you act quickly enough maybe you can grab the package and get out of here before CAN I HELP YOU
5009	Mr. Noir tells you that ticket had better be notarized and punched in triplicate and presented with the full boondollar penalty plus processing fees, or you are wasting valuable time he could otherwise spend shirking his clerical duties.
5010	Ticket? Oh, this thing. Ha, ha, look at that, you are holding a ticket. How did that get in your hand? It belongs on the desk with the others. No, you are not here to pay a parking ticket.
5011	You explain to the frightening man that you are here to pick up that green parcel.
5012	Jack makes it clear he would rather stab something to death than process the avalanche of paperwork needed to release the confiscated freight. Also any legit courier would have the pickup forms ready to go. In spite of how he's supposed to be dressed now but isn't, he ain't nobody's fool.
5013	But perhaps an UNDERSTANDING can be reached.
5014	He gives you a HIT LIST.
5015	Bring him the crowns. He'll give you the box.
5016	The PARCEL MISTRESS departs with her mission of double agency. You wonder if she'll actually be so foolish as to attempt to uphold her end of the lopsided bargain. You make a policy of handing out a REGISWORD and a HITLIST to just about everyone who enters your office. But you never think anyone's actually going to GO THROUGH with it.
5017	You wish you could watch. She's a deadwoman.
5018	You wonder why she's so desperate to acquire this package. What could be inside?
5019	You've leeched more than enough grist from John to afford a PUNCH DESIGNIX, which for some reason Jade put in the hallway making it kind of hard to walk through your apartment, but whatever. You also have plenty of grist for messing around with the ALCHEMITER to manufacture some new gear if you want. But you'd like to figure out what the JUMPER BLOCK does first.
5020	Jade keeps dropping a weird assortment of objects for you to captchalogue and punch. You've given up trying to identify any rhyme or reason to the thought process behind it.
5021	You put the punched BLENDER card in a shunt just for the hell of it, and stick it on the jumper pins.
5022	The ALCHEMITER is fitted with the BLENDER UPGRADE.
5023	This upgrade doesn't seem all that useful. Looks like all it does is grind up your totems.
5024	The ALCHEMITER is upgraded with a huge metal bust of this awesome bro.
5025	The device has been reduced to an utterly useless heap of shit.
5026	Time to yank out all the shunts and start over.
5027	Your inscrutable thought process leads you to draw the PUNCH DESIGNIX on your SCRIBBLEPAD.
5028	The pad recognizes the drawing, but there is no designix around, and even if there was, it would obviously be way too big to captchalogue.
5029	Instead, the GHOST IMAGE of the designix is captcha'd, along with its captcha code on the back.
5030	GG: dave here punch this code!
5031	GG: L229BxoG
5032	GG: and then put it in the jumper shunty thing and see what it does
5033	TG: ok
5034	TG: so i guess this is just a built in designix
5035	TG: which is sort of cool i guess
5036	TG: since i wont have to go downstairs and bang the hallway door into the thing and squeeze through every time i want to punch a card
5037	TG: because of course you couldnt have just put it next to the alchemiter in the first place
5038	TG: but then i have to go downstairs anyway to make totems and get cruxite and stuff
5039	TG: so really who cares
5040	GG: well i think this is only one way to consolidate all the gizmo features....
5041	GG: hang on ill give you more codes!!!
5042	You don't have nearly enough grist to deploy the HOLOPAD, whatever it does. But maybe you can get it as a freebie upgrade to the alchemiter.
5043	Looks like it worked! You love your scribblepad.
5044	The totem pedestal is converted into a holographic projector. It projects an image of the item the punch code represents.
5045	This seems useful for previewing an item a code will produce, without spending the grist on it. You test it out with the blender card.
5046	But it still renders the alchemiter unusable. At least without further upgrades.
5047	You captcha the lathe ghost image and apply the upgrade.
5048	Now the holopad projects a hologram of the totem that a punch card will create!
5049	This appears to turn the alchemiter into a one stop-shopping hub. You just punch a card, stick it in, and get your item. Nice!
5050	You get the code for the jumper block extension to upgrade the alchemiter with... uh... the jumper block extension?
5051	Ok that's kind of a crappy drawing but it seemed to work anyway.
5052	This is getting a little abstract.
5053	But it appears to economize on space. Now all you have to do is stick a card in a slot to apply an upgrade. Don't have to bother with the shunts anymore.
5054	This thing looks kind of complicated.
5055	DAMMIT!
5056	You grab the ENLARGER from your dismantled photography lab.
5057	You apply the ENLARGER UPGRADE.
5058	You ghost-captcha the huge air conditioner and give Dave the code to mess around with.
5059	Size of the object you make is now variable. The bigger, the more expensive, as one would expect.
5060	You make a tiny AIR CONDITIONER.
5061	This was totally not a waste of time!
5062	You find your father's car near the base of the rock pillar. It is surrounded by caution tape for some reason. You are reminded to be cautious.
5063	You cautiously inspect the vehicle. To no one's surprise but yours, the package and the game are missing.
5064	Someone is bugging you.
5065	GC: JOHN 1TS M3 4G41N
5066	EB: who?
5067	EB: oh, that's right...
5068	EB: the leetspeaking blind one.
5069	EB: go away!
5070	GC: JOHN DONT M4K3 FUN OF MY H4ND1C4P
5071	EB: which one, the blindness or the leetspeak.
5072	GC: 1 4M S3NS1T1VE 4BOUT BOTH
5073	EB: sorry.
5074	GC: YOU C4N M4K3 1T UP TO M3
5075	GC: BY L3TT1NG M3 H3LP YOU
5076	EB: wow, you drive a hard bargain!
5077	EB: but nooooooooooooo.
5078	GC: B3FOR3 YOU K33P TYP1NG MOR3 STUP1D O'S 1N TH4T WORD
5079	GC: JUST L1ST3N 4ND DO WH4T 1 S4Y
5080	GC: YOU KNOW YOUR3 GO1NG TO 3V3NTU4LLY 4NYW4Y
5081	GC: B3C4US3 YOUR3 4 N1C3 GUY 4ND K1ND OF 4 TOT4L W33N13 PUSHOV3R
5082	EB: yeah, well you're a huge...
5083	EB: oh man, whatever, what do you even want.
5084	GC: 1M MOT1V4T3D BY S3LF 1NT3R3ST
5085	GC: TO H3LP YOU 4DV4NC3 MOR3 QU1CKLY
5086	GC: B3C4US3 1V3 GOT YOUR WHOL3 ADV3NTUR3 R1GHT H3R3 1N FRONT OF M3
5087	EB: do you have a braille screen or something?
5088	GC: SHHHHHHHH!
5089	GC: 4NYW4Y TH3 PO1NT 1S
5090	GC: 1TS LONG AND BOR1NG
5091	GC: 4ND YOU COULD ST4ND TO SK1P SOM3 ST3PS
5092	EB: i don't really understand.
5093	EB: so you can "see" my whole future there, right?
5094	EB: by just like, scrolling around on some computer thing that lets you pick what time to talk to me?
5095	EB: how can you be bored by my long boring future, why don't you just scroll around to wherever you want like the other weirdos are doing?
5096	GC: OK 1 C4N DO TH4T
5097	GC: 4ND 1 4M
5098	GC: 1 GU3SS WH4T 1 R34LLY M34N 1S
5099	GC: 1 JUST W4NT TO M3SS W1TH YOU
5100	EB: oh ok, that sounds really great and helpful!
5101	GC: 1 M34N M3SS W1TH TH3 T1M3L1N3
5102	GC: MY FR13NDS 4LL TH1NK TH4T YOU C4NT R34LLY CH4NG3 4NYTH1NG
5103	GC: TH4T YOUR T1M3L1NE W3'R3 CH4T-HOPP1NG 4ROUND 1S S3T 1N STON3
5104	GC: NO M4TT3R WH4T W3 S4Y OR WH3N W3 S4Y 1T
5105	GC: 4ND TH3YR3 PROB4BLY R1GHT
5106	GC: BUT 1 DONT C4R3
5107	GC: 1 W4NT TO M3SS W1TH 1T 4ND T4ST3 WH4T H4PPENS
5108	GC: >:D
5109	EB: sounds dumb.
5110	EB: but if it means you're going to help me, then go ahead and help me i guess.
5111	GC: L3TS G3T YOU TO TH3 G4T3 F1RST
5112	GC: 1TS NOT F4R
5113	GC: 1 SN1FF3D OUT 4 M4P OF YOUR PL4N3T
5114	EB: whoa, you've got a map?
5115	EB: where'd you get it?
5116	GC: JOHN W3 AR3 SO MUCH B3TT3R TH4N YOU IN 3V3RY R3SP3CT 1TS R1D1CULOUS
5117	EB: can i have it?
5118	GC: 1TS HUG3
5119	GC: 4ND MOSTLY 1RR3L3V4NT
5120	GC: H3R3 L3T M3 DR4W YOU 4 SM4LL S3CT1ON OF 1T
5121	GC: SHOW1NG YOU WH3R3 TO GO
5122	EB: ok.
5123	EB: this is the worst crap i have ever seen.
5124	EB: what am i looking at here?
5125	GC: 1TS TH3 B3ST 1 CAN DO
5126	GC: >:[
5127	EB: ok sorry but it's useless.
5128	EB: what's with these colors.
5129	GC: 1 P1CK3D ON3S TH4T SM3LL N1C3
5130	EB: couldn't you just, like...
5131	EB: crop the world map.
5132	EB: i thought you guys were THE BEST.
5133	GC: SHUT UP MY M4P 1S F1N3
5134	GC: LOOK 1TS NOT 3V3N TH4T F4R 4W4Y
5135	GC: 1LL L34D YOU TO 1T
5136	GC: 1TS 4 B1G P1P3
5137	GC: YOU JUMP 1N
5138	GC: TH3 W1ND W1LL T4K3 YOU TO TH3 G4T3
5139	GC: 1TS 4 SHORTCUT
5140	EB: you mean The Breeze?
5141	GC: Y34H WH4T3V3R
5142	GC: L3TS G3T MOV1NG JOHN
5143	GC: 4R3 YOU R34DY TO FUCK UP TH3 T1M3L1N3???
5144	EB: sure.
5145	TG: im building up your house
5146	TG: by the way why do you live in this weird compound
5147	TG: do you host east european industrial raves
5148	TG: nevermind the point is
5149	TG: im out of grist
5150	TG: so if youre done whipping that ogre like a rented mule
5151	TG: maybe you could convert it into a grist windfall
5152	TT: Right now?
5153	TT: The spoils would sink.
5154	TG: i dont know beach the thing first i guess
5155	TG: unless you were planning on sailing that ogre down the mississippi with a runaway slave
5156	TT: And then what?
5157	TG: what do you mean
5158	TG: you kill it
5159	TG: release a shitload of grist
5160	TG: maybe take one of your needles and puncture the base of its skull
5161	TG: does it even have a skull
5162	TG: or a brain stem
5163	TG: can you find out
5164	TT: That sounds malicious.
5165	TG: what
5166	TG: but you just rigged the thing with an oedipal harness and rode its torso like a log flume ride down a magical rainbow
5167	TT: That was self defense.
5168	TT: Murdering a wounded behemoth in its sleep strikes me as unseemly.
5169	TG: this is bullshit its an unfeeling monster who gives a fuck
5170	TT: Maybe you could replicate a pillow I could use to smother it.
5171	TT: Make it a clean hit.
5172	TT: I would use one of mine but they've all mysteriously gone missing.
5173	TG: wow fuck ok
5174	TG: you can either kill it for the loot or wait a couple hours for gristtorrent to steal more of johns
5175	TG: but then again ill be pretty busy in a couple hours so make up your mind
5176	TT: Does John know we've been sapping his grist yet?
5177	TG: no but hes still got a ton so screw him
5178	TT: Hold on, someone's messaging me.
5179	TG: yeah me too
5180	GA: You Command The Seer
5181	GA: So You May Have Some Insight Into Her Disposition
5182	TG: who
5183	GA: The One Who Is A Little Snooty
5184	TG: oh yeah sure
5185	TG: i command her alright i am like the pimpmaster hustledaddy of all snippy bookshrews
5186	GA: Thats An Exotic Title
5187	GA: I Thought You Were The Knight
5188	TG: wrong what do you want
5189	GA: Have You Found Her Demeanor To Be Chilly
5190	GA: On A Basis Of Personal Interaction That Hypothetically Extends Beyond The Context Of A Short Lived And Lackluster Trolling Effort
5191	TG: what the hell
5192	GA: I Thought Your Familiarity With Her May Allow You To Furnish Me Insight
5193	GA: She And You Are Familiar Isnt That Right
5194	GA: She Perhaps Even Regards You With Uh
5195	GA: Endearment
5196	TG: you have no idea dude she is so in my grill
5197	TG: like a stray hotdog that rolled down there
5198	TG: and now its too much trouble to fish out with the tongs
5199	TG: so you just watch it like crack and turn black
5200	GA: Um Is This
5201	GA: A Common Sort Of Practice In Human Courtship
5202	GA: Watching Oblong Meat Products Tumble Into Places They Dont Belong
5203	TG: man wait
5204	TG: whats this about
5205	TG: you have a thing for her dont you
5206	TG: dont deny it bro its obvious
5207	GA: Am I Being Accused Of Falling Prey To The Human Dysfunction Of Amorous Inclination
5208	TG: hahahaha so terrible
5209	TG: what a transparent dodge
5210	TG: all hiding behind your alien shit
5211	TG: just admit it
5212	TG: you want me to help you win her over
5213	GA: I Just Would Like To Gather
5214	GA: Some Means Of Gauging Her Sincerity
5215	TG: ok well its easy
5216	TG: for everything she says take her to mean just the opposite
5217	TG: see not everybody always means literally what they say the way john and jade always do
5218	GA: Maddening
5219	GA: How Do Humans Forge Meaningful Relationships Using Such Communication Patterns
5220	GA: Perhaps It Is The Human Riddle That Is Truly The Ultimate Riddle
5221	TG: oh my flipping christ
5222	TG: ok if you want rose to dig you you got to leave that crap in the shitty scifi novels where it belongs
5223	GA: It Was Not A Sincere Remark
5224	GA: I Have Been Practicing
5225	GA: Your Human Sarcasm
5226	TG: oh ok
5227	TG: that was pretty good
5228	TG: maybe even too deadpan but its a start keep at it
5229	GA: Very Well
5230	GA: I Am Beginning To Feel As Though I Am The Only One Working On Our Friendship
5231	TG: hahaha yes youre on a roll
5232	GA: That Was Sincerity
5233	TG: oh
5234	TG: alright look
5235	TG: if you want to keep her attention you got to pull out all the stops
5236	TG: reverse psychology mind games all sorts of machiavellian bullshit
5237	TG: i mean unless youre really smooth and inherently likeable like me which youre not
5238	GA: Then
5239	GA: Keep Saying The Opposite Things
5240	TG: thats kind of the obtuse alien way of getting it but yeah
5241	TG: be like
5242	TG: an antagonism ninja
5243	TG: like her
5244	TG: i dont know you sort of remind me of her anyway so maybe thats a good thing
5245	TG: it could be a horrible thing though
5246	GA: It Sounds Like
5247	GA: You Are Advising Me To Troll Her Again
5248	GA: Which I Have Tried
5249	GA: It Proved To Be A Fruitless Endeavor
5250	TG: yeah i guess i am
5251	TG: i guess im saying be a less shitty troll
5252	GA: Okay
5253	GA: I Believe I Understand How To Proceed
5254	TG: good luck bro
5255	AT: hIIII, sO,
5256	AT: yOU GET BOSSED AROUND BY THE KNIGHT, oK, gIVEN THAT, i HAVE A QUESTION,
5257	TT: Who?
5258	AT: oH, tHE ONE WHO'S SUPPOSED TO BE "cool", i THINK,
5259	AT: tHE SUN GLASSES GUY,
5260	TT: Why would someone wear sunglasses while using a computer?
5261	AT: iIII DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT A COMPUTER, bUT,
5262	AT: yES, hAAAAAH,
5263	AT: i THOUGHT THE SAME THING ABOUT HOW ASININE THAT IS,
5264	AT: sO, yOU KNOW THAT GUY, uMMM,
5265	TT: I know that anyone committed to such an affectation could only be striving to mask a severe insecurity complex, and likely harbors a crisis of self-image.
5266	TT: I've been known to lend my charitable attention to such people, but only "bossed around" by them insofar as the psychiatric professional has cause to humor the demented for analytical purposes.
5267	TT: Or maybe as a lab chimp commands the zookeeper's interest in its shit by forcing him to duck under its trajectory now and then.
5268	AT: oK, wOW, i DIDN'T UNDERSTAND THOSE THINGS,
5269	AT: bUT, uHH, i MEAN DAVE,
5270	TT: Oh, that guy.
5271	AT: yEAH, oK, gIVEN THAT, i HAVE A QUESTION,
5272	AT: aBOUT HIM,
5273	AT: i WANT TO KNOW ABOUT HIS EMOTIONAL VULNERABILITIES,
5274	AT: aND, uM, wHAT ARE THE TENDER SPOTS THAT ALL THOSE, uHHH,
5275	AT: dEVICES HE EMPLOYS TO CONCEAL THEM, uHH, lIKE ALL THE THINGS HE SAYS HE THINKS ARE FUNNY,
5276	TT: Tender spots?
5277	TT: Your word choices are evocative.
5278	TT: Is your design to couple with this gentleman?
5279	AT: wHOAAAAAAAA, nO, nO, wHOA,
5280	AT: oK, nO, tHAT JUST MADE ME FEEL UPSET TO THINK ABOUT,
5281	AT: i JUST WANT TO REALLY TRY TO BOTHER HIM, iT'S HARD,
5282	TT: If you're trying to get his goat, you should know he only stocks the animal in the first place for ironic purposes.
5283	AT: nO, i'M NOT REALLY INTERESTED IN HIS EARTH GOAT, bUT IF THAT WAS A FIGURE OF SPEECH THEN i GUESS THAT'S OK,
5284	TT: Then we're agreed; you are hellbent upon literally seizing his shrill, bearded livestock.
5285	TT: I'll assist you.
5286	AT: uHH,
5287	TT: If you really want to burn him, I recommend poetry.
5288	AT: wHAT, pOETRY, aS IN LIKE THOSE HUMAN WORD BUNCHES,
5289	TT: Yes. They are the most delicious bunches we have.
5290	TT: I suggest you serve these crisp bunches of honey and verbal annihilation to him as part of a complete breakfast.
5291	AT: oH, aND, wILL THIS BREAKFAST INJURE HIS SHRILL BARN BEAST,
5292	AT: i MEAN THIS FIGURATIVELY, jUST TO BE CLEAR,
5293	TT: A deft cluster-bombing of this sort will leave nothing wriggling from the razed earth.
5294	TT: Except sulfurous tresses while it cracks and turns black.
5295	AT: yOU MEAN, lIKE, tHE SURFACE OF AN OVERCOOKED PROTEIN OBJECT,
5296	TT: Yeah.
5297	TT: I suppose what I'm saying is this.
5298	TT: Drop some hard, peer-reviewed motherfuckin' science on his ass.
5299	TT: Some seriously government funded shit.
5300	TT: It will destroy him.
5301	AT: aAAAAHAHAHAH, yES,
5302	AT: tHIS IS THE IDEA THAT i LIKE,
5303	TT: Your obvious cunning with words should depants Strider with such vivid empyrean tempest, a nether-regional sonic boom is certain inevitability.
5304	TT: But even so.
5305	TT: Consider me at your disposal to help craft a comeuppance of such unqualified devastation, the angels will weep pearlstrings of little urban fellows cantillating an unbroken chorus of Oh Snaps.
5306	AT: pLEEEEASE,
5307	AT: i THINK i AM PERFECTLY CAPABLE OF MANUFACTURING THESE ALLEGED "dope" HUMAN RHYMES,
5308	AT: aND STARTING SOME SICK FIRES,
5309	AT: i DON'T NEED YOUR CHARITY, tHAT YOU SAID YOU LEND,
5310	AT: tO, uHHH,
5311	AT: eARTH MONKEYS WHO TOSS AROUND POOP, oR SOMETHING LIKE THAT,
5312	AT: yOU'RE PRETTY SNOOTY,
5313	AT: tHANKS FOR YOUR HELP, bUT I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP,
5314	adiosToreador [AT] blocked tentacleTherapist [TT]
5315	adiosToreador [AT] unblocked tentacleTherapist [TT]
5316	AT: oOPS, sORRY, i DIDN'T MEAN TO BLOCK YOU,
5317	TT: uMMMM,
5318	GA: Your Dark Spectacled Friend Has Advised Me On A More Effective Method For Trolling You
5319	GA: I Think His Contention Is That This Strategy Will Have The Opposite Of The Intended Effect And Precipitate A Sort Of Bond Between Us That Is Established In Mutual Antagonism
5320	GA: What Do You Think About This
5321	TT: I think you're shrewd to have recognized his ploy of sabotage, and you've earned my compliments.
5322	GA: Ah See It Is Working Already
5323	TT: What is?
5324	GA: Ive Listened To His Advice
5325	GA: And Have Resolved To Modify The Approach Slightly
5326	GA: I Know What I Have To Do
5327	GA: What We Have To Do Really
5328	TT: What's that?
5329	GA: Remember The First Time We Spoke
5330	TT: Yes, but you said it wasn't the first time you spoke to me.
5331	TT: We'll graciously omit my embarrassing skepticism however.
5332	GA: The First Time You Spoke To Me Was The Second Time I Spoke To You
5333	TT: This conversation doesn't sound like your first time either.
5334	GA: This Is Your Second Conversation With Me But Is My Seventh With You
5335	TT: And when exactly does your maiden encounter take place?
5336	GA: Thats Next Time
5337	TT: So to clarify.
5338	TT: If the matching of my first with your second is denoted by 1=2, then the sequence would be:
5339	TT: 1=2, 2=7, 3=1, 4=?, ...
5340	GA: Yes And The Rest Of The Sequence Is Simply
5341	GA: 4=3, 5=4, 6=5, 7=6
5342	GA: Unless My Future Self Stowed Another Conversation In Between One Of Those Which Is Entirely Possible
5343	GA: But Urrgh I Dont Want To Think About That
5344	TT: Why is it that when the subject of temporal mechanics is broached your sparing troll intellects etcetera etcetera.
5345	GA: See That Is What I Mean Rose You Are Not As Dumb Of A Girl As I Was Initially Lead To Believe
5346	TT: You mean based on the first impression I am apparently about to make in our next conversation?
5347	GA: Yes
5348	TT: What could I possibly say that will leave such an imprint?
5349	GA: That Is Why I Have Contacted You Now
5350	GA: I Will Send You A Copy Our First Conversation Directly From My Chat Log
5351	TT: I guess being forced to cooperate with a stable time loop is the only plausible explanation for my remarks.
5352	GA: Yes And Then I Found It Sort Of Curious That During My Next Conversation With You Your Various Mental Endowments And Wherewithals Were Not As They Seemed
5353	GA: I Suspected The Stratagem Might Be A Counter Trolling Measure But Then Was Not So Sure And Further Examination Grew Warrant
5354	TT: And what if my counter-counter measure is to choose not to transcribe this dialogue accurately in the future-first place?
5355	GA: But See I Have Edited The Copy Already In Ways That Will Remain Secret For Now But You Will Discover Once You Type It
5356	GA: So You Are Destined To Edit It No Matter What And What You Submit Will Be What I Once Read Regardless
5357	GA: !
5358	TT: Unless I decide to copy it word-for-word!
5359	GA: Yes Unless I Lied About Editing It In The First Place
5360	GA: Either Way Through Knowledge Of What You Will Say I Have Precisely Engineered The Nature Of Your Transgression
5361	GA: !!!
5362	TT: So your trolling strategy now is to put idiotic words in my mouth through the machinery of temporal inevitability, and cause me to excruciate over how to subvert the transcription?
5363	GA: Yes
5364	TT: While being perfectly up front about it?
5365	GA: Yes I Suppose Its That Sarcasm All The Time Seems Laborious To Me
5366	TT: I'll admit, it's a more advanced tactic than I gave you credit for.
5367	GA: Yes And The Providence Of This Antagonism Ninja Vice Grip Pinching Your Larynx Has Already Begun To Supply My Purpose With Fruit
5368	GA: The Chilly Frost Shimmering On Our Tree Of Human Friendship Has Begun To Thaw
5369	TT: Mixed metaphor aside, usually ninjas don't announce what they're doing when they're doing it.
5370	TT: Like when stalking an emperor to assassinate him.
5371	TT: Or befriend him.
5372	TT: But that's fine.
5373	TT: I guess the only pointless question we haven't exhausted is, why?
5374	TT: Why the convoluted artifice?
5375	GA: Dave Raised Insight Into The Human Psychology Of Friendship Development
5376	GA: By Allotting You Your Side Of The Conversation I Have You At The Disadvantage In Your View And You Will Seek To Reclaim Higher Ground
5377	GA: In Successive Conversations
5378	GA: 4=3 And 5=4 And Such
5379	GA: Your Demeanor Will Be Terse If Not Saturated With Disdain And It Will Cause Me To Be Confused And Question Your Motivation
5380	GA: But Now I Know Your Motivation Because I Am Supplying It Here And Now
5381	GA: They Will Be Simple Acts Of Friendly Human Retaliation
5382	TT: So you're not only rigging the first impression I make on you, but orchestrating my revenge for the rigging as well?
5383	GA: Yes
5384	GA: It Seems Friendship For Some Humans Is A Basic Aggregation Of Shallow And Insincere Hostilities
5385	TT: That's an interesting take on it.
5386	TT: But now I know for sure Dave isn't behind this plan.
5387	TT: It's too complicated.
5388	GA: I Dont Understand
5389	GA: Who Better To Coordinate Such Events Than The Knight Of Time
5390	TT: You're awfully quick to his defense.
5391	TT: Are you sure you don't have a thing for him?
5392	TT: It's ok, bro. You can admit it.
5393	GA: I'm Hopping To 8=8
5394	GA: Ideally You Will Have Long Since Discarded This Train Of Thought
5395	TT: Ok.
5396	TT: I'm going to talk to my dead cat.
5397	AT: oKAYYYY, mY BROMO SAPIEN,
5398	AT: r U READY,
5399	AT: tO GET STRAIGHT IN, FLAT DOWN, BROAD SIDE, SCHOOL FED UP THE BONE BULGE,
5400	AT: bY A DOPE SMACKED, TRINKED OUT, SMOTHER FUDGING,
5401	AT: tROLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL,
5402	TG: dont care
5403	AT: oK, lET ME,
5404	AT: oRGANIZE MY NOTES HERE,
5405	AT: oKAYYY,
5406	AT: (tURN ON SOME STRICT BEATS MAYBE, iT WILL HELP TO LISTEN TO THEM WHILE i DESTROY YOU,)
5407	AT: wHEN THE POLICE MAN BUSTS ME, aND POPS THE TRUNK,
5408	AT: hE'S ALL SUPRISED TO FIND I'M TOTING SICK BILLY,
5409	AT: wHOSE,
5410	AT: gOAT IS THAT, hE ASKS, wHILE HE STOPS TO THUNK
5411	AT: aBOUT IT, aND i'S JUST SAY IT'S DAVE'S, yOU SILLY
5412	AT: gOOSE,
5413	AT: bUT THE MAN SAYS, gOOSE! wHERE, lET ME SEE YOUR HANDS,
5414	AT: aND i SAY SHIT SORRY, i DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS HONKTRABAND,
5415	AT: wOW, oK,
5416	AT: i AM GETTING OFF THE POINT, wHICH WAS,
5417	AT: aBOUT THIS HOT MESS DAVE, tHAT YOU GOT LANDED IN,
5418	AT: lIKE THE COP i MENTIONED, bUT INSTEAD OF YOUR BADGE,
5419	AT: aND YOUR GUN, IT'S YOUR ASS THAT YOU HANDED IN,
5420	AT: (aND THEN GOT HANDED BACK TO YOU,)
5421	AT: cAUSE THAT'S HOW HUMANS GET SERVED,
5422	AT: aND GUYS LIKE YOU DESERVE TO UNDERSTAND THAT iT'S,
5423	AT: a CIRCLE AND HORNS IN YOUR BUTT THAT GOT BRANDED IN,
5424	AT: (uMM, bEFORE i GAVE YOUR ASS BACK TO YOU, i DID THAT, iS WHAT i MEAN,)
5425	AT: bUT i MEAN, gETTING BACK TO THE POINT, oR MAYBE TWO ACTUALLY,
5426	AT: tHE FIRST IS YOU SUCK, aND THE SECOND IS HOW i SMACKEDYOUFULLY,
5427	AT: (oH YEAH, tHAT RHYME WAS SO ILLLLLLLLL,)
5428	AT: bUT NO, jUST JOKING, lET'S SEE, hOW CAN i PUT THIS TACTFULLULLY,
5429	AT: i MEAN THE POINTS ON THE HORNS ON MY HEAD,
5430	AT: cOMING AT YOU THROUGH TRAFFIC,
5431	AT: aIMED AT THE TARGET ON YOUR SHIRT THAT IS RED,
5432	AT: wE'RE ABOUT TO GET MAD HORNOGRAPHIC,
5433	AT: (i MEAN SORT OF LIKE A GRAPHIC CRIME SCENE, nOT LIKE,)
5434	AT: (aNYTHING SEXUAL,)
5435	AT: (eRR, wHOAAAAA,)
5436	AT: (nEVERMIND,)
5437	AT: oK, gETTING BACK TO THE ACTUAL, tACTICAL, vERNACULAR SMACKCICLE,
5438	AT: i'M FORCING YOU TO BE LICKING, (aND lIKING,)
5439	AT: gRAB MY HORNS AND START KICKING, lIKE YOU'RE RIDING A VIKING,
5440	AT: cAUSE i'M YOUR BULLY, aND YOU'RE NOT IN CHARGE,
5441	AT: yOU THINK YOU'RE IN CHARGE BUT YOU'RE NOT IN CHARGE,
5442	AT: i'M IN CHARGE, cAUSE i'M CHARGING IN,
5443	AT: yOUR CHINASHOP,
5444	AT: bREAKING, uH, yOUR PLATES AND STUFF, WHICH i DON'T REALLY KNOW,
5445	AT: wHAT THE PLATES ARE SUPPOSED TO REPRESENT, bUT,
5446	AT: (fUCK,)
5447	AT: iT'S JUST THAT YOU THINK YOU ARE THE COCK OF THE WALK'S HOT SHIT
5448	AT: bUT WHEN IN FACT YOU ARE NOT, mORE LIKE YOU ARE,
5449	AT: sOMETHING THAT RHYMES WITH THE COCK OF THE WALK'S HOT SHIT,
5450	AT: bUT IS SO MUCH WORSE THAN THE COCK'S SHIT,
5451	AT: sO, gIVEN THAT, lET ME BE THE FIRST,
5452	AT: tO SAY YOU ACT LIKE YOU'RE GOLD FROM PROSPIT,
5453	AT: wHEN YOU'RE REALLY COLD SHIT FLUSHED FROM DERSE,
5454	I got a present for you, Casey.
5455	It's a little dirty.
5456	A LITTLE ROUGH AROUND THE EDGES
5457	JUST LIKE YOUR DEAR OLD EX CON DAD
5458	WITH A HEART OF GOLD
5459	CG: JOHN WHAT THE WET BAG OF HUMAN HORSE SHIT TO THE FACE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING.
5460	CG: OH MY LORD.
5461	CG: NO WONDER YOU LOSERS ALL FUCK UP THIS GAME SO BAD.
5462	EB: what?
5463	EB: i am just acting out a scene from an awesome movie and having some fun, what's wrong with that?
5464	CG: WHAT KIND OF CRAPPY EARTH MOVIE IS THIS.
5465	CG: STUPID RABBIT ASSHOLE SCREWS THE POOCH?
5466	EB: no, it's about these criminals on a runaway plane, and they've got to be stopped by nick cage and john cusack together as a team.
5467	CG: OH.
5468	CG: OK, THAT ACTUALLY SOUNDS PRETTY GOOD I GUESS.
5469	EB: it is sweet, so sweet, you would probably like it.
5470	CG: I'VE HEARD OF JOHN CUSACK I THINK.
5471	CG: WASN'T HE IN SERENDIPITY?
5472	CG: THAT WAS PRETTY GREAT FOR A HUMAN FLICK.
5473	EB: hahaha, oh man, that sucked so bad!
5474	CG: OK I DON'T SEE HOW WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE BECOMING FRIENDS IF YOU RECOIL FROM MY OLIVE BRANCH LIKE I'M WIGGLING A GNARLED TREE MONSTER'S DICK IN YOUR DIRECTION.
5475	EB: don't you have alien movies from your alien planet?
5476	CG: YEAH OF COURSE, WE HAVE TONS OF MOVIES AND THEY ARE INFINITELY SUPERIOR TO YOUR PRIMITIVE CINEMATIC NEANDERTHRASHINGS.
5477	EB: ok, so what is a really good one?
5478	CG: YOU'LL PROBABLY LAUGH IF I TELL YOU THE NAME OF ONE.
5479	EB: well, i already laughed when you said the name of one of ours, so who cares?
5480	CG: OK FINE.
5481	CG: ONE THAT IS AMAZING AND IS A CLASSIC IS...
5482	CG: WHEREIN NUMEROUS VIGILANTES CONFRONT PERIL; ONE OF THEM BETRAYS THE OTHERS; (BUT IT TURNS OUT TO BE PART OF THE PLAN ALL ALONG);
5483	CG: SEVERAL ATTRACTIVE FEMALE LEADS PROVOKE ROMANTIC TENSION; FOUR MAJOR CHARACTERS WEAR UNUSUAL HATS; ONE HOLDS PLOT-CRITICAL SECRET;
5484	CG: 47 ON-SCREEN EXPLOSIONS, ONE RESULTING IN DEMISE OF KEY-ADVERSARY; 6 to 20 LINES THAT COULD BE CONSTRUED AS HUMOROUS;
5485	EB: wait...
5486	EB: this is the title?
5487	CG: IT GOES ON.
5488	CG: THEY TEND TO BE MORE LITERAL AND INFORMATIVE THAN YOUR TITLES.
5489	EB: how do you even say them in casual conversation?
5490	CG: WELL WE DON'T OBVIOUSLY.
5491	CG: IT'S LIKE SOMEONE SAYS, HEY GUYS WHY DON'T WE GO SEE A MOVIE, AND THEN EVERYONE JUST ENDS UP THERE.
5492	CG: WATCHING IT.
5493	CG: NOT SAYING IT, THAT'S DUMB.
5494	CG: JOHN, TRY TO THINK OUTSIDE YOUR MINUSCULE CULTURAL BUBBLE FOR A CHANGE.
5495	EB: ok, i just think it's still cumbersome and completely illogical.
5496	CG: YEAH THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU START RUNNING OUT OF MOVIE TITLES AFTER RACKING UP THOUSANDS OF YEARS OF FILM HISTORY.
5497	CG: YOU KNOW I THINK YOUR CIVILIZATION JUST DIDN'T MATURE ENOUGH OR SOMETHING.
5498	CG: BEFORE LETTING THIS EARTH ARABIAN YOU CALL A GENIE OUT OF THE BOTTLE.
5499	CG: MUST EXPLAIN WHY IT SPROUTED SUCH A MISERABLE CROP OF PLAYERS.
5500	CG: INSTEAD OF BASICALLY GODS LIKE US.
5501	EB: well, i've got one of your godly players helping me now, so we can't be in such bad shape.
5502	CG: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT.
5503	EB: GC gave me a map.
5504	EB: and showed me a shortcut.
5505	CG: WHAT THE HELL IS SHE DOING.
5506	CG: THIS ISN'T WHAT WE TALKED ABOUT DOING AT ALL.
5507	CG: HOLD ON LET ME ASK HER ABOUT THIS...
5508	EB: ok.
5509	CG: OK...
5510	CG: NOW SHES JUST OVER THERE GIGGLING AT ME LIKE AN IMBECILE.
5511	CG: WHAT ARE YOU TWO UP TO, WHY ARE YOU IN CAHOOTS NOW?
5512	EB: umm...
5513	CG: OW FUCK!!!
5514	CG: OK SHE JUST WALKED OVER AND PUNCHED ME.
5515	CG: AND SAID IT WAS FROM YOU.
5516	EB: uh, sorry i guess?
5517	CG: I TOLD HER TO STOP THESE SHENANIGANS...
5518	CG: BUT IT SEEMS LIKE WHATEVER SHE WAS DOING WITH YOU SHE ALREADY DID A WHILE AGO.
5519	CG: FROM MY PERSPECTIVE AT LEAST.
5520	EB: i don't know why you guys are doing this to yourselves.
5521	EB: all this time jackassery, it's giving me a headache.
5522	CG: OK IF YOU TALK TO HER AGAIN WHEN SHE TRIES HATCHING MORE PLANS GIVE HER A MESSAGE INTO THE PAST FOR ME.
5523	EB: ok.
5524	CG: TELL HER TO POLISH MY HEAVING BONE BULGE AND SET A TABLE FOR FUCKING TWO ON IT.
5525	CG: ITS FOR OUR CANDLE LIGHT HATE DATE.
5526	EB: i like how you guys have basically resorted to trolling each other, through us.
5527	CG: FUCK YOU.
5528	EB: oh, did you talk to jade yet?
5529	CG: JADE, WHAT WHY WOULD I WANT TO TALK TO HER?
5530	EB: ummm, that's what you said you wanted to do last time you talked to me, i dunno.
5531	CG: OH DAMMIT.
5532	CG: ARE YOU SURE?
5533	EB: yeah, you told me dude.
5534	EB: want me to paste the conversation?
5535	CG: NO NO, GOD NO, I HATE IT WHEN WE START GOING DOWN THAT ROAD.
5536	CG: OK THIS IS GOING TO REQUIRE FURTHER INVESTIGATION.
5537	CG: I'VE GOT TO GO.
5538	EB: ok.
5539	EB: but next time you talk to me, you might want to tell me to calm down first so i don't just block you.
5540	EB: back then i won't really want to hear from you.
5541	CG: OK, I'LL DO THAT.
5542	EB: later.
5543	GC: H3H3H3H3H3
5544	GC: JOHN STOP HUGG1NG THOS3 S4L4M4ND3RS 4ND B31NG SO STUPIDLY 4DOR4BLE
5545	GC: W3 4R3 ON 4 STR1CT CH3AT1NG T1M3T4BL3 H3R3
5546	GC: W41T WHO 4R3 YOU T4LK1NG TO NOW
5547	GC: 1S 1T ON3 OF US
5548	GC: 1S 1T M3???
5549	EB: it was carcino.
5550	GC: H4H4H4H4H4
5551	GC: 1 B3T H3 1S CONFUS3D 4ND GRUMPY
5552	EB: yeah, sorta.
5553	EB: he has no idea what you're doing.
5554	GC: 1 H34R H1M OV3R TH3R3 B4NG1NG ON THOS3 K3YS
5555	GC: 1 TH1NK TH1S WHOL3 TH1NG 1S JUST 4 W4Y TO V3NT SOM3 FRUSTR4T1ON
5556	GC: H3 H4S NO PURPOS3 Y3T
5557	GC: NOT L1K3 YOU 4ND M3 JOHN >:D
5558	EB: oh, he said to give you a message...
5559	GC: OH >:?
5560	EB: he wants you to touch his bone lump or something.
5561	GC: WH4T!!!
5562	EB: and that he's pretty much basically in love with you.
5563	GC: W41T
5564	GC: D1D H3 4CTU4LLY S4Y TH4T
5565	GC: 1N CONF1D3NC3
5566	EB: yeah, i dunno, pretty much.
5567	GC: C4N YOU COPY 3X4CTLY WH4T H3 S41D
5568	EB: ohhh no, we're not going down that road!
5569	EB: besides, it was a private conversation among private gentlemen colleagues.
5570	EB: oh, also you're going to punch him.
5571	GC: 1 4M
5572	GC: WH3N
5573	EB: i guess in your future.
5574	EB: but in your pretty soon future i think.
5575	EB: it's when he says stuff to you and then you laugh at him.
5576	GC: BUT 1M 4LW4YS L4UGH1NG 4T H1M
5577	GC: HOW W1LL 1 KNOW?????
5578	EB: also he says you said it's from me.
5579	GC: FROM YOU
5580	GC: DO YOU W4NT M3 TO PUNCH H1M JOHN
5581	EB: pffff, i don't care!
5582	EB: i'm just the timey-wimey messenger here.
5583	GC: 1M SUR3 M4NY H1GHLY JUST1F1ABL3 4ND W3LL D3S3RV3D PUNCH3S W1LL B3 THROWN 1N DU3 T1M3
5584	GC: BUT L3TS ST1CK TO TH3 G4M3PL4N FOR NOW
5585	GC: JOHN T4K3 4 LOOK 4T WH3R3 TH3 SHORTCUT TOOK YOU
5586	GC: TURN 4ROUND >:]
5587	EB: oh, wow.
5588	EB: what's that?
5589	GC: 1TS YOUR D3N1Z3NS P4L4C3
5590	EB: my denizen?
5591	GC: 3V3RY PL4N3T H4S 4 D3N1Z3N
5592	GC: TH4T L1V3S D33P UND3RGROUND
5593	GC: SL33P1NG
5594	GC: 4ND GU4RD1NG 4 HUG3 GR1ST HO4RD
5595	EB: ok...
5596	GC: TH3 W4Y DOWN TO 1TS L41R 1S THROUGH TH3 P4L4C3
5597	EB: so you want me to go down there and kill him?
5598	EB: won't that be, uh, kinda hard?
5599	GC: H4H4H4H4H4H4
5600	GC: ORD1N4R1LY YOUD H4V3 4BSOLUT3LY NO CH4NC3
5601	GC: 4T YOUR M34G3R L3V3L
5602	GC: BUT YOU H4V3 4N 4DV4NT4G3
5603	EB: oh?
5604	GC: USU4LLY HOW 1TS SUPPOS3D TO GO 1S
5605	GC: OV3R TH3 COURS3 OF YOUR QU3ST
5606	GC: YOU W1LL W4K3 TH3 D3N1Z3N
5607	GC: 4ND TH3N F1N4LLY YOU GO THROUGH TH3 S3V3NTH G4T3
5608	GC: WH1CH 1S TH3 ONLY W4Y 1NTO TH3 P4L4C3
5609	GC: TH3N YOU GO DOWN 4ND F1GHT TH3 D3N1Z3N
5610	GC: 4ND K1LL 1T
5611	GC: R3L3AS1NG TH3 HO4RD
5612	EB: so what's my advantage?
5613	GC: YOU WONT BOTH3R W4K1NG 1T
5614	GC: W3 W1LL SK1P R1GHT TO TH3 S3V3NTH G4T3
5615	GC: F1ND 1TS L41R
5616	GC: 4ND K1LL 1T 1N 1TS SL33P
5617	EB: um, ok.
5618	EB: what's the point of releasing the grist hoard?
5619	EB: is it just so i can make tons more sweet loot?
5620	GC: H3H3 NO W4Y
5621	GC: TH3 HO4RD CONT41NS SO MUCH MOR3 GR1ST TH4N YOU COULD 3V3R US3 1N 4N 4LCH3M1T3R
5622	GC: 1 M34N YOU COULD 1 GU3SS
5623	GC: BUT TH4TS NOT TH3 PO1NT
5624	GC: 1TS FOR TH3 ULT1M4T3 4LCH3MY
5625	EB: what's the ultimate alchemy?
5626	GC: 1TS NOTH1NG FOR YOU TO WORRY 4BOUT NOW
5627	GC: S33 TH4T G4T3 OV3R BY TH3 BROK3N BR1DG3
5628	GC: GO CH3CK 1T OUT
5629	EB: alright.
5630	EB: so this is the seventh gate?
5631	EB: that'll take me into the palace and down to the sleeping denizen?
5632	GC: NOP3 >:]
5633	GC: TH1S 1S JUST 4 S1MPL3 R3TURN NOD3
5634	GC: TH3R3 4R3 LOTS OF TH3S3 4ROUND
5635	GC: JUST HOP 1N
5636	GC: DONT WORRY 1LL G3T YOU TO TH3 G4T3 SOON 4FT3R TH4T
5637	A PARCEL MISTRESS seeks audience with royalty.
5638	A flurry of disquieting happenstance is related to the ADORED SOVEREIGN. With no other options, her counsel is all that is left to be sought.
5639	Abdication is never ideal. But in the face of inevitable conquest, conceding ground can supply the only remaining advantage.
5640	The final hope for victory lies in patience and planning.
5641	The WHITE KING of course can be found on the BATTLEFIELD. His CROWN may be retrieved there.
5642	The RING must be designated for protection. He will supply further instruction on this matter.
5643	The royal duty has been accepted.
5644	And in time, fullfilled.
5645	JASPERSPRITE: Meow.
5646	ROSE: Is that all you have to say?
5647	JASPERSPRITE: Purr purr purr.
5648	ROSE: I thought you were supposed to be more helpful after your resurrection.
5649	ROSE: Like a ghostly spirit guide. Wise, if frustratingly cryptic.
5650	JASPERSPRITE: Purrrrrrrrrr.
5651	ROSE: Actually, cryptic behavior would be welcome at this point.
5652	ROSE: This is just inane.
5653	JASPERSPRITE: :3
5654	ROSE: Should I report to the others that my Kernelsprite is a Lolcat?
5655	ROSE: Maybe Dave can take some screen captures and overlay some poorly spelled captions.
5656	ROSE: Assuming he hasn't already.
5657	JASPERSPRITE: Meow.
5658	ROSE: What are you doing there, by the way?
5659	JASPERSPRITE: Im fishing!
5660	ROSE: Oh. So you can talk.
5661	JASPERSPRITE: But sadly there are no fish i think.
5662	JASPERSPRITE: They were all eaten by the Denizen!
5663	ROSE: Who?
5664	JASPERSPRITE: It ate everything in the ocean and got so full that it took a long nap.
5665	JASPERSPRITE: No there is surely not a single living thing left!
5666	JASPERSPRITE: Which is too bad because im pretty hungry.
5667	ROSE: I think there might be some tuna in the cabinets.
5668	JASPERSPRITE: Oh good idea i will look there!
5669	JASPERSPRITE: Purr purr.
5670	ROSE: Jaspers, the message you gave me years ago before you disappeared...
5671	ROSE: What did you mean?
5672	JASPERSPRITE: Meow.
5673	ROSE: Sigh...
5674	JASPERSPRITE: :3
5675	ROSE: I don't understand.
5676	ROSE: Is there some meaning to these responses, or are you just being obstinate?
5677	JASPERSPRITE: You will understand when you wake up!
5678	ROSE: Am I asleep?
5679	JASPERSPRITE: Yes!
5680	JASPERSPRITE: Rose im just a cat and i dont know much but i know that youre important and also you are what some people around here call the Seer of Light.
5681	JASPERSPRITE: And you dont know what that means but you will see its all tied together!
5682	JASPERSPRITE: All the life in the ocean and all the shiny rain and the songs in your head and the letters they make.
5683	JASPERSPRITE: A beam of light i think is like a drop of rain or a long piece of yarn that dances around when you play with it and make it look enticing!
5684	JASPERSPRITE: And the way that it shakes is the same as what makes notes in a song!
5685	JASPERSPRITE: And a song i think can be written down as letters.
5686	JASPERSPRITE: So if you play the right song and it makes all the right letters then those letters could be all the letters that make life possible.
5687	JASPERSPRITE: So all you have to do is wake up and learn to play the rain!
5688	JASPERSPRITE: Does that make sense rose sorry i disappeared for so long.
5689	ROSE: Sort of.
5690	ROSE: It sounds like you aren't exactly in complete command of this information yourself, so I won't press you on it for now.
5691	ROSE: You're a pretty good cat, Jaspers. I missed you.
5692	JASPERSPRITE: Purr purr purrrrrrrr.
5693	TT: I spoke with Jaspers.
5694	TT: I didn't understand what he told me.
5695	TT: He said I'll understand once I "wake up".
5696	TT: For some reason this made me think of you.
5697	GG: hehehe......
5698	GG: yeah i bet hes right!
5699	TT: We wouldn't happen to be talking about awakening in a sort of breezy, philosophical sense, would we?
5700	TT: Is my dead cat concerned with my enlightenment? Should I prepare to shed this coil of ignorance and suffering?
5701	GG: wow no i dont think so...
5702	GG: hes being a bit more literal than that!
5703	GG: what did he say?
5704	TT: I doubt I could reproduce the statements with fidelity.
5705	TT: It was like listening to a five year-old describe a dream.
5706	TT: The content manages to take a back seat to the simple heartwarming spectacle of the moment.
5707	GG: :)
5708	GG: well what he meant was.....
5709	GG: that you have a dream self
5710	GG: who is supposed to wake up whenever your real self goes to sleep
5711	GG: we all do! all four of us i mean
5712	GG: but see your dream self still stays asleep when you go to sleep
5713	GG: because you havent woken up yet!
5714	TT: I think I get it.
5715	TT: I take it your "dream self" is wide awake when you sleep?
5716	GG: yes
5717	TT: And would I be out of line in additionally presuming this has been the case for many years, at least as long as I've known you?
5718	GG: no you would not be out of line!
5719	GG: in fact im asleep now
5720	TT: That was to be my next wild presumption.
5721	GG: :p
5722	TT: So when I wake up, can I look forward to being able to message people in my sleep too?
5723	GG: no only i can do that!
5724	GG: because of my robot
5725	TT: Oh, right.
5726	TT: I forgot about your robot.
5727	TT: My short term recall seems to eschew the profoundly ridiculous.
5728	GG: you guys can probably make your own i guess......
5729	GG: but you need to wake up first for it to matter and maybe by the time that happens you might not even need them!!!
5730	TT: I'm not sure if necessity is a concept I'd associate with such a contraption even under some of the more obscure scenarios imaginable.
5731	TT: But good to know I guess.
5732	TT: Here's another question, which I'm sure will look stupid once I've finished typing it.
5733	TT: If my dream self is asleep, does that mean she's dreaming, and if she is, who's dreaming the dream, her or me?
5734	GG: um.......
5735	GG: ok well i dont really know how to answer the second part but yeah shes dreaming!
5736	GG: shes most likely lying in your bed troubled and restless
5737	GG: about things burdening her
5738	GG: which is to say you!!!!!
5739	GG: things about who you really are and what your purpose is
5740	GG: but you cant start figuring those things out yet because youre not awake because youre not ready yet
5741	GG: thats why you have such terrible dreams all the time rose!
5742	TT: Ok. How do I wake up?
5743	GG: im sure it would help to start piecing together the clues to nudge your subconscious
5744	GG: or maybe face some things you havent faced yet?
5745	GG: i dunno! its for you to find out
5746	GG: maybe the stuff you wrote on your walls can give you a clue?
5747	TT: What stuff?
5748	GG: the....
5749	GG: er
5750	GG: didnt dave tell you?
5751	TT: Tell me what?
5752	GG: ._.
5753	TT: Are you saying he said I defaced the walls of my room?
5754	TT: While not appearing to be cognizant of the scrawlings?
5755	TT: Like John?
5756	TT: I really hope that's not what you're saying.
5757	TT: It might freak me out.
5758	GG: he said he was going to tell you <_<;
5759	TT: Hold on.
5760	TT: Strider.
5761	TT: I need you to do me a favor.
5762	TT: Can you take a capture of my bedroom and send me the file?
5763	TT: For no reason in particular?
5764	TT: He's not answering.
5765	GG: yeah hes pretty tied up right now!
5766	TT: Can you hassle him via Sburb and tell him to talk to me?
5767	TT: Bop him on the head with a puppet or something?
5768	GG: noooooooooooooooooooo
5769	GG: he made me promise not to bug him while im asleep!
5770	TT: Can you do it anyway?
5771	GG: but he will find a way to be clever and make me punch myself in the face again :(
5772	TT: Did he tell you what I wrote on the walls?
5773	TT: Wait.
5774	TT: What?
5775	GC: JOHN S33 TH4T B1G P13C3 OF JUNK TH3R3
5776	EB: the rocket pack?
5777	GC: Y34H C4PTCH4LOGU3 TH4T 4ND S3ND M3 TH3 COD3
5778	GC: 1 GOT TH3 COD3S FOR 4LL TH3 OTH3R 34RTH CR4P STUCK 1NS1D3 1T FROM YOUR FR13NDS
5779	GC: FROM D1FF3R3NT T1M3S
5780	GC: WH3N TH3Y W3R3 F33L1NG COOP3R4T1V3
5781	GC: 1 C4N M4K3 1T WORK FOR YOU >:]
5782	EB: ok...
5783	EB: but you can't just "subtract" object codes from other codes!
5784	EB: it's like, mathematically, um...
5785	EB: ambiguous.
5786	EB: like just reverse AND/OR'ing the flower pot alone could make hundreds of possibilities.
5787	EB: subtracting all three could be millions!
5788	GC: Y34H W3LL 1M NOT S4Y1NG 1M 4NYWH3R3 N34R 4S HUG3 OF 4 DORK 4S YOU
5789	GC: OR TH4T 1 UND3RST4ND 4NY OF TH4T
5790	GC: COMPUT3R COD3S T4ST3 TO M3 L1K3
5791	GC: LOTS OF T1NY N33DL3S 4ND B4TT3R13S
5792	EB: wow, what?
5793	GC: 1M G1V1NG 4LL TH3S3 COD3S TO OUR H4CK3R GUY
5794	EB: oh man, you have a hacker??
5795	EB: i bet he is THE BEST!!!!
5796	EB: hackers are always the best.
5797	GC: H4H4H4H4H4
5798	GC: W3LL H3 SUR3 TH1NKS H3 1S
5799	EB: who is it?
5800	EB: have i talked to him?
5801	GC: NO H3 S4YS H3 DO3SNT W4NT TO T4LK TO 4NY OF YOU 3V3R
5802	GC: B3C4US3 H3 H4T3S YOU
5803	GC: BUT H3 W1LL DO TH1S
5804	GC: B3C4US3 H3 WONT B3 4BL3 TO R3S1ST TH3 CH4LL3NG3
5805	EB: uh, ok.
5806	EB: brb then.
5807	EB: ok here...
5808	EB: dskjhsdk
5809	GC: TH4NKS
5810	GC: W41T
5811	GC: THOS3 K1ND4 S33M L1K3 R4NDOM K3Y M4SH1NGS
5812	GC: 4R3 YOU M3SS1NG W1TH M3 JOHN >:?
5813	EB: um, no.
5814	EB: they sort of are random.
5815	EB: but it's the right code, i promise!
5816	GC: OH
5817	GC: OK B3 B4CK IN L3SS TH4N ON3 S3COND
5818	GC: PCHOOOOO
5819	EB: hello?
5820	GC: WH4T
5821	EB: it thought you said you'd be back in less than a second?
5822	GC: 1 W4S
5823	GC: 1 G4V3 YOU TH3 COD3
5824	GC: 1TS PCHOOOOO
5825	GC: 1T TOOK 4 WH1L3 FOR H1M TO F1GUR3 OUT
5826	GC: BUT 1 G4V3 IT TO YOU 1NST4NTLY FROM YOUR P3RSP3CT1V3
5827	GC: WHY WOULD 1 M4K3 YOU W41T???
5828	GC: TH4T WOULD B3 SO 1NCONS1D3R4T3 >:[
5829	EB: oh...
5830	EB: i just thought that was just you going off to get the code...
5831	EB: and making like this rockety noise or something, i dunno.
5832	EB: because you're kind of goofy.
5833	GC: W3LL YOUR3 K1ND OF
5834	GC: W3LCOM3
5835	GC: YOU UNGR4T3FUL 34RTH HORS3S NO1SY BUTTHOL3!!!
5836	EB: oh gosh, i'm sooooo sorry!
5837	EB: this is just a stupid code, i'm sorry.
5838	EB: are you sure it's right, it seems kind of...
5839	EB: obvious.
5840	GC: H3 W4S CONV1NC3D TH1S 1S TH3 R1GHT COD3 4ND H4D SOM3 UNFL4TT3R1NG TH1NGS TO S4Y 4BOUT TH3 1NT3LLIG3NC3 OF YOUR SP3C13S FOR NOT B31NG 4BL3 TO FIGUR3 1T OUT
5841	GC: WH1CH 1 W1LL K33P TO MYS3LF B3C4US3 UNL1K3 YOU 1 4CTU4LLY H4V3 SOM3 FUCK1NG M4NN3RS
5842	EB: bluuuh, oh man, i got so served, bluuuuuuuuuh!
5843	GC: 1 4M UNF4Z3D BY YOUR HUM4N BLUHS
5844	GC: 4NYW4Y 1F 1T W4S SO OBV1OUS WHY D1DNT YOU GU3SS TH3 COD3?????
5845	EB: well you see, the explanation is perfectly simple and scientific.
5846	EB: it was because shut up.
5847	EB: shut up is why.
5848	GC: >:D
5849	EB: i guess i'll make this rocket now.
5850	EB: and see if this dumbass code actually does the trick.
5851	GC: OK JOHN
5852	GC: ONC3 YOU M4K3 1T 1M SUR3 3V3N YOU 4ND YOUR UND3RD3V3LOP3D BON3 NOOK W1LL B3 4BL3 TO F1GUR3 OUT WH4T TO DO
5853	GC: T4LK TO YOU ON TH3 OTH3R S1D3 >:]
5854	TG: ok im in
5855	EB: in where?
5856	TG: the medium
5857	EB: oh, already?
5858	TG: what do you mean already shit took 4 goddamn hours
5859	EB: huh, i guess time flew by while i was doing other stuff.
5860	EB: how did it go?
5861	EB: with you and jade i guess?
5862	TG: i dont want to talk about it
5863	TG: imagine the worst day of my life
5864	TG: just stood up and clinked a glass like it was about to give a speech
5865	TG: then took a shit in my dinner and passed out with its pants down
5866	EB: ew dog! ewwww!
5867	TG: yeah
5868	EB: so nasty! gross dude!!!
5869	TG: stfu
5870	TG: what are you doing
5871	EB: i'm in a rocket pack and i am about to blast off into space.
5872	TG: ok
5873	EB: it should be sweet.
5874	TG: i need some advice
5875	TG: my kernelsprite which was this brainless feathery asshole with a sword in it
5876	TG: turned into this bigger like ghostly feathery asshole
5877	TG: with a sword in it
5878	TG: it seems to want me to prototype it again
5879	TG: not sure what to do
5880	EB: hmm...
5881	EB: have you asked rose?
5882	TG: shes asleep for some reason
5883	EB: wow, really?
5884	TG: yeah i saw her there
5885	TG: all tuckered out
5886	TG: like she got smacked in the face with a pillow case full of the snooze wizards beard dander
5887	TG: cause obviously its fuckin prime time for swiping some shuteye about now
5888	TG: like a few hours into her magic stupid quest
5889	TG: anyway what do you think
5890	EB: i don't really know, i mean...
5891	EB: it's supposed to be like your ghostly spirit guide or something.
5892	EB: unless you have the remains of a wise old dead grandparent lying around, i'm not sure what to tell you!
5893	TG: ok fine but
5894	TG: it seems to be suggesting something here
5895	TG: and
5896	TG: i guess im kinda weirded out by its suggestion
5897	EB: i don't know, just do what it says!
5898	EB: it knows stuff about the game, so it probably knows better than i do...
5899	EB: i gotta go!
5900	EB: gonna blast off to the seventh gate.
5901	EB: and, uh, win this game i guess.
5902	TG: ok well it definitely sounds like youre fucking something up over there
5903	TG: but alright later
5904	EB: later.
5905	This is absolutely no place for children. You take dear, sweet CASEY into protective custody.
5906	PCHOOOOO
5907	CALSPRITE: HAA HAA HEE HEE HOO HOO
5908	DAVE: shut up
5909	CALSPRITE: HOO HOO HAA HAA HEE HEE
5910	CALSPRITE: HEE HEE HAA HAA HOO HOO
5911	DAVE: no
5912	DAVE: just
5913	DAVE: god damn it
5914	CALSPRITE: HEE HEE HEE HEE HAA HAA
5915	CALSPRITE: HEE HEE HOO HOO HEE HEE
5916	DAVE: please
5917	DAVE: just once
5918	DAVE: shut the hell up
5919	CALSPRITE: HOO HOO HAA HEE HEE HOO
5920	CALSPRITE: HOO HOO HEE HAA HEE HAA
5921	CALSPRITE: HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA HAA
5922	DAVE: shut up
5923	CALSPRITE: HEE HEE HEE HAA HAA HAA
5924	CALSPRITE: HOO HOO HOO HEE HEE HEE
5925	DAVE: shut
5926	CALSPRITE: HAA HAA HEE HEE HOO HOO
5927	DAVE: the
5928	CALSPRITE: HAA HAA HEE HEE HOO HOO
5929	DAVE: fuck
5930	CALSPRITE: HAA HAA HEE HEE HOO HOO
5931	DAVE: up
5932	CALSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/calhead.gif" border="0" />
5933	TG: thats it i cant take it anymore
5934	TG: it was such a huge mistake prototyping seppucrow with this useless mindnumbing jackass
5935	TG: im going back
5936	TT: Already?
5937	TG: what do you mean already shit took 4 goddamn months
5938	TG: or something
5939	TG: i dont know im kind of losing track of how long its been with all this time hopping
5940	TT: It just sounds like you're making a rash decision based on temporary aggravation with a laughing puppet.
5941	TT: I thought we planned to progress as far as we could before you went back.
5942	TT: To gather information, and avoid repeating mistakes.
5943	TG: what else is there to know
5944	TG: we lost
5945	TG: cant finish the game with a dead heir and witch
5946	TT: We don't know Jade is dead for sure.
5947	TG: yeah well she had a big fucking meteor bearing down on her and we never heard from her again
5948	TG: or the trolls for that matter
5949	TG: after they tricked john into skipping way ahead and getting his ass handed to him by the denizen
5950	TG: i guess once they managed to sabotage us they were done with us
5951	TG: and since john died he couldnt get jade in on time so whether shes alive or not shes as good as dead from our perspective
5952	TG: only thing left to do is change all that
5953	TT: Are you sure you're ready?
5954	TT: You'll remember the plan we discussed?
5955	TG: theres not much to remember
5956	TG: i go back and tell john not to be an idiot and get trolled like such a gullible stooge
5957	TG: i dont know what he was thinking
5958	TG: even we couldnt kill one of those things yet
5959	TG: with our higher levels and all our sick gear
5960	TT: It still seems hasty to me.
5961	TT: Maybe I'm just not as comfortable with time travel as you.
5962	TG: nah itll be fine dont worry
5963	TT: After you go, what do you think will happen to me?
5964	TT: Will I just cease to exist?
5965	TG: i dont know
5966	TG: i mean your whole timeline will
5967	TG: maybe
5968	TT: Maybe?
5969	TT: Is there a chance it'll continue to exist, and I'll just be here alone forever?
5970	TT: I'm not sure which outcome is more unsettling.
5971	TG: the thing with time travel is
5972	TG: you cant overthink it
5973	TG: just roll with it and see what happens
5974	TG: and above all try not to do anything retarded
5975	TT: What do you think I should do?
5976	TG: try going to sleep
5977	TG: our dream selves kind of operate outside the normal time continuum i think
5978	TG: so if part of you from this timelines going to persist thats probably the way to make it happen
5979	TT: Ok.
5980	TG: and hey you might even be able to help your past dream self wake up sooner without all that fuss you went through
5981	TT: I think the true purpose of this game is to see how many qualifiers we can get to precede the word "self" and still understand what we're talking about.
5982	TG: the true purpose is to make a sprite that doesnt make me want to flog myself raw with my own brain stem
5983	TG: anything else is gravy
5984	TT: If my past self can wake up sooner, maybe I'll be the one to visit you first this time.
5985	TT: I'll fly by and remind you you're already awake and don't know it.
5986	TG: yeah thatd be cool i guess
5987	TG: im gonna go now
5988	TT: Good luck.
5989	TG: ok im in
5990	EB: in where?
5991	TG: the medium
5992	EB: oh, already?
5993	TG: what do you mean already shit took 4 goddamn hours
5994	EB: huh, i guess time flew by while i was doing other stuff.
5995	EB: how did it go?
5996	EB: with you and jade i guess?
5997	TG: i dont want to talk about it
5998	TG: imagine the worst day of my life
5999	TG: just stood up and clinked a glass like it was about to give a speech
6000	TG: then took a shit in my dinner and passed out with its pants down
6001	EB: ew dog! ewwww!
6002	TG: yeah
6003	EB: so nasty! gross dude!!!
6004	TG: stfu
6005	TG: what are you doing
6006	EB: i'm in a rocket pack and i am about to blast off into space.
6007	TG: ok
6008	EB: it should be sweet.
6009	TG: i need some advice
6010	TG: my kernelsprite which was this brainless feathery asshole with a sword in it
6011	TG: turned into this bigger like ghostly feathery asshole
6012	TG: with a sword in it
6013	TG: it seems to want me to prototype it again
6014	TG: not sure what to do
6015	EB: hmm...
6016	EB: have you asked rose?
6017	TG: shes asleep for some reason
6018	EB: wow, really?
6019	TG: yeah i saw her there
6020	TG: all tuckered out
6021	TG: like she got smacked in the face with a pillow case full of the snooze wizards beard dander
6022	TG: cause obviously its fuckin prime time for swiping some shuteye about now
6023	TG: like a few hours into her magic stupid quest
6024	TG: anyway what do you think
6025	EB: i don't really know, i mean...
6026	EB: it's supposed to be like your ghostly spirit guide or something.
6027	EB: unless you have the remains of a wise old dead grandparent lying around, i'm not sure what to tell you!
6028	TG: ok fine but
6029	TG: it seems to be suggesting something here
6030	TG: and
6031	TG: i guess im kinda weirded out by its suggestion
6032	EB: i don't know, just do what it says!
6033	EB: it knows stuff about the game, so it probably knows better than i do...
6034	EB: i gotta go!
6035	EB: gonna blast off to the seventh gate.
6036	EB: and, uh, win this game i guess.
6037	TG: ok well it definitely sounds like youre fucking something up over there
6038	TG: but alright later
6039	EB: later.
6040	TG: WAIT
6041	EB: what?
6042	TG: dont go yet
6043	TG: somethings up
6044	EB: ugh...
6045	TG: ok its me from the future
6046	EB: huh?
6047	TG: its me
6048	TG: i just appeared
6049	TG: from the future
6050	TG: wearing a rad suit
6051	TG: he says dont go
6052	TG: or youre gonna die
6053	EB: pfffff.
6054	EB: lame.
6055	EB: what kind of gullible stooge do you think i am?
6056	TG: he says i dunno gullible enough to trust a leetspeaking troll who wants you dead and strap on a rocket pack cause she said to
6057	EB: this is like some terrible april fools prank.
6058	EB: but 13 days too late.
6059	EB: remember, you are talking to the pranking MASTER.
6060	TG: ok that was probably the dumbest thing you ever said just now
6061	EB: if future you is real, then why don't you let me talk to him.
6062	TG: do you hear what youre saying oh my god
6063	TG: this guy is me if i get him to talk to you youre just talking to me again jesus it proves nothing
6064	EB: hold on, someone else is bugging me.
6065	TG: john stop being a tool and unbuckle yourself from that piece of shit
6066	TG: if our friendship means anything youll listen to me and past dave
6067	TG: this is future dave by the way
6068	EB: hahaha!
6069	EB: wow, you're really pulling out all the stops for this stunt!
6070	EB: using your phone and computer at the same time to message me.
6071	EB: you're kind of going through a lot of trouble actually, i don't know why you're bothering with this.
6072	TG: yeah exactly why would i bother
6073	TG: this sort of cornball horseshit is your cup of tea not mine
6074	TG: dont make me track you down through time and stop you in person
6075	EB: you can't track down through time WHAT YOU CAN'T CATCH!
6076	EB: pchoooooo!
6077	TG: oh god did you just blast off
6078	EB: no...
6079	EB: but that would have been sweet if i did just then.
6080	TG: ok well just dont ok
6081	TG: im turning this timeline over to past dave
6082	TG: and helping you all stay alive and do this thing the right way this time
6083	TG: just stay on the goddamn ground for fucks sake
6084	EB: ok, i guess...
6085	DAVE: hey
6086	DAVESPRITE: sup
6087	TT: Strider.
6088	TT: I need you to do me a favor.
6089	TT: Can you take a capture of my bedroom and send me the file?
6090	TT: For no reason in particular?
6091	TT: He's not answering.
6092	GG: yeah hes pretty tied up right now!
6093	TT: Can you hassle him via Sburb and tell him to talk to me?
6094	TT: Bop him on the head with a puppet or something?
6095	GG: noooooooooooooooooooo
6096	GG: he made me promise not to bug him while im asleep!
6097	TT: Can you do it anyway?
6098	GG: but he will find a way to be clever and make me punch myself in the face again :(
6099	TT: Did he tell you what I wrote on the walls?
6100	TT: Wait.
6101	TT: What?
6102	You bundle up your knittings into a cozy nest. You aren't all that tired though. It's hard to imagine falling asleep without the luxury of Harley's narcolepsy.
6103	TG: dont talk to john anymore hes an impressionable doofus
6104	TG: your plan didnt work
6105	TG: i mean it did
6106	TG: but then suddenly it didnt
6107	TG: so you might as well quit trying
6108	GC: YOU SM3LL L1K3 OR4NG3 CR34MS1CL3S
6109	TG: what
6110	TG: youre aliens do you even have orange creamsicles
6111	GC: OF COURS3 WH4T K1ND OF 4WFUL C1V1L1Z4T1ON WOULDNT 1NV3NT OR4NG3 CR34MS1CL3S
6112	GC: NOT ON3 1D W4NT 4NYTH1NG TO DO W1TH
6113	TG: ok pretty far fetched but whatever
6114	TG: no more hijinks from you cause ill make sure they wont work
6115	GC: W3LL OBV1OUSLY 1 KN3W 1T W4SNT GO1NG TO WORK
6116	GC: MY FR13NDS H4V3 B33N T4LK1NG TO JOHN FROM TH3 FUTUR3
6117	GC: YOUR FUTUR3
6118	GC: WH3R3 H3S NOT D34D
6119	GC: SO TH3R3 W4S NO W4Y WH4T 1 D1D W4S GO1NG TO K1LL H1M
6120	GC: 1 JUST W4NT3D TO M3SS W1TH H1M 4ND STUFF
6121	TG: i dont think youre following
6122	TG: you DID kill him sort of
6123	TG: then i went back in time to stop him
6124	GC: Y34H 1 G3USS3D TH3R3 W4S 4 CH4NC3 SOM3TH1NG L1K3 TH4T M1GHT H4PP3N
6125	TG: alright but
6126	TG: did you guess that by trolling john to his grave
6127	TG: and making me splinter us off into an alt timeline
6128	TG: that you were basically complicit in making our timeline go the way it was supposed to go all along
6129	TG: where future me is now helping dave and we just keep playing
6130	TG: and our actions ultimately lead to the trouble youre all in now
6131	TG: thus leading you all to troll us incompetently
6132	GC: OH
6133	GC: NO >:[
6134	GC: 1 D1DNT TH1NK OF TH4T
6135	TG: yeah
6136	TG: see
6137	TG: none of you ever thinks anything through
6138	TG: whos in charge of timeline management there
6139	TG: i gotta give him the business
6140	GC: SH3 DO3SNT W4NT TO T4LK TO 4NY OF YOU
6141	GC: 4ND H4S M1SG1V1NGS 4BOUT TH1S WHOL3 TH1NG
6142	GC: NOT 4LL OF US 4R3 TH4T 3NTHUS1AST1C 4BOUT TROLL1NG YOU GUYS
6143	GC: 4ND TH3 ON3S WHO 4R3 SORT OF SUCK 4T 1T >:|
6144	TG: well at least you got john to off himself so i guess youre not totally incompetent like the others
6145	TG: like that awful rapper
6146	GC: SO JOHN 4CTU4LLY D1D WH4T 1 S41D?
6147	TG: yeah
6148	TG: im telling you
6149	TG: huge pushover
6150	TG: he will do what you say
6151	TG: unless it happens to be for his own good
6152	TG: then all a sudden hes a tough nut to crack go figure
6153	GC: NOW 1 F33L K1ND4 B4D
6154	GC: 4R3 YOU SUR3 1 C4NT T4LK TO H1M
6155	GC: 3V3N 1F 1TS JUST TO 4POLOG1Z3
6156	GC: WOULD TH4T B3 OK W1TH YOU S1R BR4V3 KN1GHT >:?
6157	TG: yeah thats fine i guess
6158	TG: no more coy bullshit antics though
6159	TG: not even like
6160	TG: an idiotic angry winking emote
6161	GC: OR WH4T
6162	GC: YOUR3 GO1NG TO HUNT M3 DOWN THROUGH T1M3 OOOOOH OH NO
6163	GC: >;]
6164	TG: yeah
6165	GC: YOU DO R34L1Z3 1M W4Y H1GH3R ON MY 3CH3L4DD3R TH4N YOU
6166	GC: 3V3N 1F YOU 4R3 FROM TH3 FUTUR3
6167	GC: 4R3 YOU SUR3 YOU W4NT TO G3T YOUR CLOCK3D CL34N3D BY 4 BL1ND CH1CK
6168	TG: ok even if thats true
6169	TG: i just merged with an impaled orange goddamn bird and now i got all these crazy powers
6170	GC: UGH
6171	GC: S3LF PROTOTYP1NG SO DUMB
6172	GC: TH1S 1S WHY YOU 4LL SCR3W UP SO B4D
6173	GC: 4LW4YS B3ND1NG TH3 RUL3S L1K3 TH4T
6174	GC: OH W3LL C4NT STOP YOU NOW SO M1GHT 4S W3LL DROP 1T
6175	GC: H3Y D4V3
6176	TG: what
6177	GC: 1V3 B33N R3S34RCH1NG SOM3 OF YOUR 34RTH SO4P OP3R4S
6178	GC: 1S TH1S YOU
6179	TG: oh jegus fuck no
6180	TG: why would that breathtaking douche remind you of me at all
6181	GC: BUT H3 H4S 4 F13RY P3RSON4LITY
6182	GC: SORT OF BR4SH 4ND 1MP3TUOUS
6183	GC: 4ND 1N YOUR F4C3
6184	GC: L1K3 F1R3 1TS3LF >:D
6185	TG: now i know youre bullshitting me
6186	TG: do i seem like the kind of guy whod accept a magic ring from whoopi goldberg
6187	TG: to awaken some egregious homofantasy for a ripped blue dudes mammoth eco friendly bulge
6188	TG: that guys an asshole and needs to be sealed in a dufflebag and whipped something ungodly with a bamboo chute
6189	GC: WHOS WHOOP1 GOLDB3RG
6190	TG: who cares
6191	GC: OK 1 M4D3 SOM3 MOD1F1C4T1ONS
6192	GC: TH1S 1S SO YOU D4V3 COM3 ON 4DM1T 1T
6193	TG: ahahahahaha
6194	TG: ok yeah that is pretty much fucking spot on
6195	TG: youre actually a pretty good troll
6196	TG: as long as you dont bug john i guess thats all there is to say on the matter
6197	GC: TH4NKS D4V3
6198	GC: TO B3 F41R
6199	GC: 1M SUR3 3V3RY ON3 OF US W1SH3S W3 THOUGHT OF FUTUR3 S3LF PROTOTYP1NG F1RST
6200	GC: SO
6201	GC: YOUR3 NOT R34LLY 4LL TH4T T3RR1BL3 >;]
6202	DAVE: who were you talking to
6203	DAVESPRITE: just telling a troll to step off
6204	DAVE: ok cool
6205	DAVE: so now that youre a sprite
6206	DAVE: do you know everything about the game
6207	DAVESPRITE: well i knew a lot anyway
6208	DAVESPRITE: cause im from the future
6209	DAVESPRITE: but yeah i know more stuff now
6210	DAVESPRITE: like things meant specifically for sprites to clue players in on
6211	DAVESPRITE: but packaged in these like
6212	DAVESPRITE: i guess riddles
6213	DAVESPRITE: im supposed to be cagey about it
6214	DAVESPRITE: but i dont really feel like it
6215	DAVESPRITE: ask me anything go ahead ill give you a straight answer
6216	DAVE: alright
6217	DAVE: here goes
6218	DAVE: why are we so fucking awesome
6219	DAVESPRITE: thats the best fucking question anybody ever asked
6220	DAVE: yeah
6221	DAVE: so is everything cool with this john business
6222	DAVE: is he gonna be ok
6223	DAVESPRITE: thats up to him
6224	DAVESPRITE: if he decides to wise up and listen to us
6225	DAVESPRITE: if not then we just bail everyone out yet again
6226	DAVE: ok
6227	DAVESPRITE: all that gear you picked up should let you breeze through the first couple gates
6228	DAVESPRITE: even at a low level
6229	DAVESPRITE: later youll unlock the ability to bring your sprite down with you
6230	DAVESPRITE: and well take care of shit together
6231	DAVESPRITE: til then i guess just mess around and let jade build up or whatever
6232	DAVESPRITE: ill go kill some time
6233	DAVESPRITE: maybe draw some comics
6234	DAVE: like what
6235	DAVESPRITE: i dont know
6236	DAVESPRITE: whats the last one you did
6237	DAVE: i was in the middle of the nancho party arc
6238	DAVESPRITE: oh yeah
6239	DAVESPRITE: i gave up on that half way through
6240	DAVE: yeah that was sorta the plan
6241	DAVE: making a ten part story about nachos was always a bullshit idea
6242	DAVESPRITE: lets do some brainstorming later
6243	DAVESPRITE: blow everyones minds
6244	DAVE: yeah sure
6245	You open the package. There is something suspicious inside.
6246	Something suspiciously dirty and smelly.
6247	It is a STUFFED BUNNY. Much like the one held hostage briefly by Malkovich's Cyrus "The Virus" while taunting hard-luck protagonist Cameron Poe. And strikingly similar to the one scooped up from the soot of a burning Vegas strip by Cage's Poe and offered to his daughter, a gesture symbolic of a tattered exterior surrounding a heart of gold. Poe wasn't much to look at. But he was a good man.
6248	But no, it is not merely LIKE that bunny. According to this NOTE OF AUTHENTICITY, it is the VERY SAME BUNNY.
6249	This is so awesome.
6250	Included is a note from your best bro Dave.
6251	so hey
6252	since its your bday i had to get you back for the sick memorabilia you got me so i got you this godawful thing and now i just know youre standing there flipping your shit over it so youre welcome.
6253	its the actual gross bunny in the movie so that means nick cage actually grubbed it up with his clownish no talent fingers. i would suggest you put it somewhere and display it ironically but i know youre dead serious about this ridiculous shit so youll probably sleep with the damn thing and nibble its ear and stuff.
6254	but the weird thing is thats whats cool about you. youre this naive guy like pinocchio tumbled ass backwards off the turnip truck and started liking ghostbusters. then the fairy godmother kissed your nose or some shit and you turned out to be not made of wood and also pretty cool to talk to. one day your gooberish ways are gonna land you in a jam and i know im going to have to get you off the hook but its cool i got your back bro.
6255	then we'll meet and hug bump and get each others filthy wife beaters that much filthier so yeah
6256	peace dawg
6257	tg
6258	TG: did you blast off like a spazzy douche yet or what
6259	EB: yeah, of course!
6260	EB: there was no way i wasn't trying out this sweet ride.
6261	TG: god dammit what do i have to do to make you believe me
6262	TG: fist bump my future self til i got bloody knuckles and write you an even sappier bday note in my own blood
6263	TG: on a back to the future poster
6264	EB: relax, i'm not going through the gate!
6265	EB: i am just flying around, and having a good time in the sky.
6266	TG: oh ok
6267	TG: so you believe me then
6268	TG: about future me
6269	TG: and like
6270	TG: him turning into a floating sword bird
6271	EB: um...
6272	EB: ok, i don't know anything about that...
6273	EB: but it doesn't matter!
6274	EB: you're my best bro, and if you say not to go then i won't go.
6275	EB: hey, can you hold on?
6276	EB: i'm getting trolled again.
6277	TG: oh man and if weve just concluded anything its that talking to those dbags should be priority number one so yeah go right ahead
6278	EB: ok, brb.
6279	CG: I KEEP SCROLLING BACKWARDS THROUGH YOUR ADVENTURE.
6280	CG: TRYING TO PIECE TOGETHER HOW YOU BOTCH THIS UP SO BADLY.
6281	CG: AND I KEEP FINDING THESE STRIKING POCKETS OF FOOLISHNESS.
6282	CG: LIKE WHAT YOU'RE DOING NOW.
6283	CG: RIDING YOUR LITTLE RED ROCKET.
6284	CG: LIKE YOU ARE A FRESHLY HATCHED HUMAN LARVA AND THIS IS JUST ALL A BIG SCHOOLHIVE RUMPUS RESPITE.
6285	EB: humans aren't hatched as larvae dummy.
6286	EB: we don't hatch at all.
6287	EB: we are born as these like little pink monkeys called babies.
6288	CG: BULLSHIT.
6289	CG: THAT'S NOT WHAT YOU JUST TOLD ME.
6290	EB: what did i say?
6291	CG: I'LL PASTE WHAT YOU SAID.
6292	EB: i thought you didn't like going down that road?
6293	EB: copy-pasting future/past conversations...
6294	CG: WHY WOULD I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT.
6295	EB: i dunno, that's what you just told me.
6296	CG: WHATEVER, LOOK:
6297	CG: EB: this is really weird...
6298	CG: CG: WHAT'S SO WEIRD ABOUT IT.
6299	CG: EB: well, normally humans hatch...
6300	CG: EB: from like these slimy pods.
6301	CG: EB: then we wriggle out as a little pink larva.
6302	CG: CG: OH REALLY.
6303	CG: CG: HUH, MAYBE WE HAVE MORE IN COMMON THAN I THOUGHT.
6304	EB: hahaha!
6305	EB: i was punking you dude!
6306	EB: or at least i will be in our next conversation.
6307	EB: thanks for the great prank idea.
6308	CG: ARGH.
6309	CG: WHY WOULD YOU TRICK ME ABOUT THAT, WHAT IS EVEN THE POINT.
6310	EB: i don't know, it was just a friendly prank.
6311	EB: don't you ever play pranks?
6312	EB: i mean, of course you do, one of you just tried to prank me good.
6313	CG: WHAT, WHO.
6314	EB: pffffff, you'll find out.
6315	CG: WELL FINE.
6316	CG: I GUESS YOU GOT ME BACK, SORT OF.
6317	CG: FOR MY TROLLING, EVEN THOUGH YOU HAVEN'T EVEN READ MY WORST TROLLING EFFORTS YET.
6318	CG: BECAUSE THEY HAPPEN IN YOUR FUTURE.
6319	CG: AND EVEN THEN YOU DIDN'T EVEN MIND MUCH, ALMOST LIKE YOU WERE DELIGHTED TO HEAR IT.
6320	CG: KIND OF PERVERSE REALLY, WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?
6321	EB: well, we're friends by then, aren't we?
6322	EB: or sort of like, uh, reverse anti-mutual friends.
6323	CG: WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT EVEN MEAN.
6324	EB: look, you're going to have to face it at some point...
6325	EB: that you're learning the meaning of this human emotion called friendship.
6326	CG: IS FRIENDSHIP REALLY AN EMOTION?
6327	EB: yes, absolutely.
6328	CG: I GUESS IT'S HARD TO SEE HOW WE BECOME FRIENDS.
6329	CG: THIS IS SO FRUSTRATING.
6330	CG: EVERY TIME I GO FURTHER BACK INTO YOUR PAST AND TALK TO YOU, YOU SAY STUFF THAT PERTAINS TO MY IMMEDIATE FUTURE.
6331	CG: AND THEN YOU WON'T EXPLAIN TO ME WHAT'S GOING ON, BECAUSE IT'S ALREADY OLD NEWS FOR YOU.
6332	EB: dude, you've been doing the same exact thing!!!
6333	CG: I'VE DONE NO SUCH THING.
6334	CG: I'VE BEEN EXCEPTIONALLY INFORMATIVE AND HELPFUL.
6335	CG: IF JUSTIFIABLY ACRIMONIOUS.
6336	EB: you never answer my questions, though.
6337	EB: how am i supposed to know what's going on, or what you're alluding to?
6338	CG: THIS GAME IS KIND OF A GAME OF A MILLION GUIDES.
6339	CG: EVERYWHERE YOU TURN THERE'S ANOTHER WAY TO FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON, SO PLEASE, GO SECRETE ME AN EARTH RIVER THROUGH YOUR STRANGE HUMAN TEAR DUCTS.
6340	CG: YOU'VE GOT SPRITES, EXILES, GUARDIANS, CONSORTS...
6341	CG: TIME HOPPING FUTURE SELVES, MYSTICAL DREAM ORACLE DOPPELGANGERS...
6342	CG: AND IF THAT WASN'T ENOUGH, YOUR PARTICULAR GROUP OF PLAYERS IS LUCKY ENOUGH TO HAVE US TO GIVE YOU THE SCOOP ON STUFF.
6343	CG: THROUGH A SORT OF SUBVERSION OF THE WHOLE DAMN THING.
6344	CG: EVEN THOUGH WE HATE YOU.
6345	CG: AND EVEN THOUGH THE FACT THAT WE HATE YOU
6346	CG: IS AN IMMUTABLE FACT AS UNALTERABLE AS THIS WRITHING KNOTTED HELL OF A TIMELINE CHOKING US ALL TO DEATH
6347	CG: IT DOES NOT MEAN WE HAVE ANY REASON TO WITHHOLD ANY INFORMATION FROM YOU
6348	CG: OR DISH IT OUT THROUGH CRYPTOBAFFLING MIND FUDDLERY.
6349	CG: SO GO AHEAD, ASK ME ANYTHING.
6350	EB: ok...
6351	EB: what's the point of the game.
6352	CG: ASK SOMETHING ELSE.
6353	CG: ALREADY TOLD YOU THAT.
6354	CG: IT WAS THIS WHOLE BIG CONVERSATION WE HAD.
6355	EB: augh!
6356	EB: fine.
6357	EB: where are you now?
6358	CG: IN THE MEDIUM.
6359	CG: A SEPARATE SESSION FROM YOURS.
6360	EB: no no, i know that!
6361	EB: you already told me.
6362	CG: I DID?
6363	EB: yes, in your future.
6364	CG: DAMMIT.
6365	EB: what i mean is...
6366	EB: are you in your house right now, or in one of your magical lands, or what?
6367	EB: just curious cause you can see me, but i can't see or know anything about you!
6368	CG: WE'RE HIDING IN THE VEIL.
6369	CG: WHAT'S LEFT OF IT.
6370	EB: what's that?
6371	CG: IT'S A HUGE BELT OF METEORS
6372	CG: ORBITING WAY OUTSIDE SKAIA, BEYOND THE ORBIT OF THE PLANETS
6373	CG: DIVIDING THE MEDIUM FROM THE FURTHEST RING
6374	CG: WHERE DERSE ORBITS.
6375	EB: derse?
6376	CG: THE DARK PLANET.
6377	CG: PROSPIT'S THE LIGHT ONE NEAR SKAIA.
6378	EB: well jeez, how am i supposed to know any of this??
6379	CG: YOU'D PROBABLY FIND OUT SOONER OR LATER FROM YOUR DUMB GRANDMA.
6380	CG: BUT BY FUSING WITH THE SPRITE SHE HAS TO WITHHOLD STUFF AND BE MYSTERIOUS AND ALL.
6381	CG: TO MAKE YOUR ADVENTURE SEEM MORE "MAAAAAAGICAL!!!!"
6382	CG: IT'S INFURIATING.
6383	EB: ok, so the veil is a bunch of meteors...
6384	EB: what do you mean "what's left of it"?
6385	CG: OK, THERE COMES A TIME WHEN BLACK INEVITABLY BEATS WHITE
6386	CG: ON THE BATTLEFIELD IN THE CENTER OF SKAIA
6387	CG: THE WHITE KING IS CAPTURED OR KILLED OR SOMETHING
6388	CG: THAT'S WHEN THE RECKONING STARTS.
6389	EB: ok...
6390	CG: THE RULERS OF DERSE
6391	CG: THE BLACK KING AND QUEEN
6392	CG: GET THE POWER TO SEND THE VEIL TOWARD SKAIA
6393	CG: TO DESTROY IT
6394	CG: THAT KIND OF STARTS YOUR BIG "COUNTDOWN"
6395	CG: WHEN SHIT GETS SERIOUS.
6396	EB: so then it's up to us to save it?
6397	CG: YEAH, YOU HAVE THAT LONG TO KILL THE BLACK QUEEN AND KING
6398	CG: AND SKAIA ITSELF SORT OF BUYS YOU SOME TIME
6399	CG: BY ACTIVATING ITS DEFENSE PORTALS
6400	CG: TO CATCH SOME OF THE METEORS
6401	CG: THE THREAT GETS BIGGER THE LONGER YOU TAKE THOUGH
6402	CG: SMALLER METEORS COME FIRST AND THEY GET PROGRESSIVELY BIGGER AND BIGGER
6403	CG: AND THERE'S ONLY SO MUCH OF THEM SKAIA CAN ABSORB FOR YOU.
6404	EB: ok, but it sounds like we've got plenty of time before that happens, right?
6405	CG: THAT'S JUST IT.
6406	CG: YOU DON'T.
6407	CG: ORDINARILY YOU WOULD BUT
6408	CG: YOUR RECKONING STARTS MUCH SOONER
6409	CG: BECAUSE OF SOME DUMB THINGS YOU'VE DONE
6410	CG: YOU COMPLETELY BLEW IT ALREADY AND YOU HAVE NO CHANCE OF WINNING ANYMORE
6411	CG: WHICH ORDINARILY WOULD BE FINE
6412	CG: JUST ANOTHER BUNCH OF LOSERS TO FAIL AT THIS GAME
6413	CG: IT'S WHAT YOU DO LATER THAT CAUSES SO MUCH MORE TROUBLE THAN THAT
6414	CG: AND NOW WE HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT TOO.
6415	EB: oh no...
6416	EB: what is it?
6417	CG: ALREADY TOLD YOU.
6418	CG: IT'S INEVITABLE AND COMPLETELY POINTLESS TO TALK ABOUT ANYWAY.
6419	EB: yeah, well...
6420	EB: maybe you're wrong!
6421	EB: maybe there's something we can still do to stop it, if you just help us?
6422	CG: I'M NOT WRONG, IT'S ALL RIGHT HERE IN FRONT OF ME, YOU FUCK UP ROYALLY, END OF STORY.
6423	EB: ok, we'll see about that, mr. sourbulge.
6424	EB: hey, aren't you kind of uncomfortable sitting on a meteor?
6425	EB: are you all huddled in a crater or something?
6426	CG: NO, THERE'S ALL KINDS OF CRAZY SHIT IN THE VEIL.
6427	CG: A LOT OF THESE METEORS ARE KIND OF LIKE...
6428	CG: BIG SEEDS.
6429	EB: seeds?
6430	EB: um...
6431	EB: well, what kind of crazy shit is there?
6432	CG: STUFF LIKE...
6433	CG: BUILDINGS
6434	CG: FACILITIES
6435	CG: LIKE LABS AND STUFF.
6436	EB: weird.
6437	CG: YEAH, THE VEIL IS KIND OF LIKE NEUTRAL GROUND FOR THE KINGDOMS, LIKE OUR PLANETS.
6438	CG: SOME PLACES ARE USED TO GENETICALLY ENGINEER SOLDIERS AND AGENTS FOR THE TWO SIDES.
6439	CG: USING GENETIC MATERIAL FROM THE EXOTIC MENAGERIE OF CHESS PIECES ON THE BATTLEFIELD.
6440	CG: TO HELP FUEL THE WAR AND KEEP RAISING THE STAKES.
6441	EB: wow, i don't think i'm following this.
6442	CG: YEAH NO SHIT!
6443	CG: BUT YOU'LL FIND OUT WHEN YOU GET THERE
6444	CG: SINCE YOU WERE IN THE VEIL WHEN WE LAST TALKED.
6445	CG: ANYWAY THAT'S MORE THAN ENOUGH INFO FOR YOU TO THINK ABOUT AND BE LESS STUPID IN TIME FOR CONVERSATIONS WE'VE ALREADY HAD.
6446	CG: I'M OUT OF HERE.
6447	EB: ok, but wait...
6448	EB: can you give a message to GC for me?
6449	EB: tell her nice try.
6450	CG: WHAT
6451	CG: WHY WOULD I GIVE HER A MESSAGE FOR YOU
6452	CG: DO IT YOURSELF, I'M NOT A RELAY SERVICE.
6453	EB: oh, well i thought you'd be cool with it since you asked me to give her a message for you last time.
6454	EB: but whatever.
6455	CG: I FIND THAT HIGHLY IMPLAUSIBLE.
6456	CG: I'M NOT FALLING FOR ANY MORE OF YOUR HUMAN PRANKS.
6457	CG: "NICE TRY" JOHN
6458	CG: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
6459	What?
6460	Oh hell no. This is always such a terrible idea. Leave me alone.
6461	You really wish your side of the wall had an off switch.
6462	Which is to say, I really wish my side of the wall had an off switch.
6463	Ok. You're just going to ask me to recap Homestuck though. I don't know why you'd want to sit there and watch me type.
6464	This is going to be pretty long.
6465	> MSPA Reader: Shut the hell up.
6466	Huh? Oh.
6467	Cal, please. Not now.
6468	Oh, but I don't merely draw Homestuck...
6469	(Type "==>", I am about to make a joke.)
6470	I CONJURE THIS INTREPID FANTASYSCAPE WITH TEARS BLED FROM THE WISDOM-WEARY EYES OF FIFTY THOUSAND IMAGINARY MAGICIANS. I PULL HEAVY DRAGS FROM THE BRUMES OF INSPIRATION WITH ENCHANTED BELLOWS MARAUDED FROM A GUILD OF CHURLISH MYTHICAL DWARVES. VAST BULBOUS RIDDLESPIDERS PUSH THE SILKEN STRANDS OF PURE WHIMSY THROUGH HIDEOUS ABDOMINAL SPINNERETS AND IT IS THAT WITH WHICH I WEAVE THIS AUDACIOUS COCOON OF EXQUISITE LIES. AND WHEN IT HATCHES A GREAT MOTH OF TITILLATION WILL AWAKEN AND ROAR AND BEAT ITS WINGS, AND THE POWDER SETTLING DOWN WILL ARREST THE HUMORS OF AN ENORMOUS TERRIBLE OLD BEGGAR, RELAXING THE VULTUROUS LEATHERY VICEGRIP HE'S FIXED AROUND YOUR CAPTIVE MIND.
6471	Alright. It won't be that exciting to watch though.
6472	I'll pull up Photoshop again. Here's the file I was using for the fourth wall.
6473	What do you want me to draw?
6474	Sure.
6475	How about if I drag the content from one of the John files under the fourth wall layer, so we can make a more graceful transition out of this ludicrous, highly disruptive self-insertion arc?
6476	Oh! And then you can type something like "Switch wall's view to show us what's going on with John."
6477	Here, I'll prepare the GIF file for that. It'll just take a few seconds.
6478	Go ahead. Say that.
6479	You decide that's entirely enough of that. If this website becomes any more self-aware in a playfully self-deprecating yet weirdly self-aggrandizing manner, you're going to go drown a bag of puppies in a sewer.
6480	EB: what's this?
6481	GC: 1T'S YOUR WORLD M4P
6482	GC: W1TH YOUR S3COND G4T3 L4B3L3D
6483	GC: SO YOU C4N GO TH3R3
6484	EB: oh man, let me drop everything and go there, because i'm in such a huge hurry to take more of your advice!
6485	GC: JOHN PL34S3
6486	GC: G1V3 M3 ON3 OF YOUR HUM4N BR34KS
6487	GC: 1 F33L 4WFUL 4BOUT K1LL1NG YOU
6488	GC: 3V3N THOUGH T3CH1N1C4LLY YOU N3V3R 3V3N D13D SO 1 DONT KNOW WH4T YOUR3 B1TCH1NG 4BOUT >:[
6489	EB: yeah, well, dave said i did, and i believe him!
6490	GC: TH4T 1S B3C4US3 H3 4ND YOU 4R3 B3ST PUP4 P4LS FOUR LYF3
6491	GC: C4NT 1 B3 YOUR P4L TOO JOHN???
6492	EB: i don't know, i thought you were ok for a while, but now you are kind of giving me the creeps!
6493	GC: J3GUS JOHN
6494	EB: what?
6495	GC: 1 4M 1NVOK1NG TH3 N4M3 OF YOUR 34RTH J3GUS
6496	GC: TO 3XPR3SS FRUSTR4T1ON
6497	EB: you mean my earth jesus?
6498	GC: 1 DONT KNOW
6499	GC: DO 1
6500	EB: do you have a troll jegus?
6501	GC: JOHN
6502	GC: W3 H4V3 TH3 B3ST TROLL J3GUS
6503	GC: YOU DONT 3V3N KNOW
6504	EB: wow, really?
6505	EB: or is this a joke?
6506	GC: 1TS 4 JOK3
6507	GC: 1M NOT R34LLY SUR3 WH4T 4 J3GUS 1S >:?
6508	EB: well...
6509	EB: neither do i, i guess.
6510	EB: it's pretty much not anything.
6511	GC: JOHN
6512	GC: W1LL YOU PL34S3 FOLLOW TH3 M4P?????
6513	GC: L3T M3 34RN YOUR TRUST
6514	GC: 1F YOU DONT L1K3 WH4TS ON TH3 OTH3R S1D3 OF TH3 G4T3
6515	GC: YOU C4N JUST TURN 4ROUND!
6516	EB: um...
6517	EB: ok.
6518	EB: i'll take a look.
6519	You spend the next twenty minutes staring at this image before you realize it's not a Flash file.
6520	Despite the pandemonium of your entrance, Rose is still sound asleep. She must be really tuckered out!
6521	It looks like this little guy is awake and ready for action though. He is adorable. You decide to name him Dr. Meowgon Spengler.
6522	TG: wow ok
6523	TG: youre a little early
6524	TG: but thats fine i guess
6525	TG: also you suck at rockets
6526	EB: ARGH!
6527	TG: what
6528	EB: she tricked me again.
6529	TG: who
6530	EB: GC.
6531	EB: she told me how to get to the 2nd gate.
6532	EB: so i went through, but it took me to rose's house instead.
6533	EB: another prank!
6534	TG: dude you did go through the second gate
6535	TG: i mean i dont know why you would listen to her again
6536	TG: kind of moronic but thats a whole other issue
6537	TG: she didnt trick you this time
6538	EB: oh...
6539	EB: then, i don't really get this.
6540	TG: what were you expecting
6541	TG: this is how it works
6542	TG: the progression of gates is like this whole round robin thing
6543	TG: cycling through each planet
6544	TG: gate 2 on your planet leads to gate 2 on roses
6545	TG: then you build up to gate 3 above her house which leads somewhere else on her planet
6546	TG: you look for gate 4 somewhere there
6547	TG: which leads to gate 4 above my house
6548	TG: and so on
6549	EB: wow, ok.
6550	TG: ordinarily rose would have already gone through her gate 1
6551	TG: but shes sleeping pretty hard obviously
6552	TG: and ordinarily you wouldnt have gone through gate 2 until her house was built up
6553	TG: so you wouldnt fall to your death
6554	TG: but you got your cheat rocket so thats fine
6555	TG: see we all got to coordinate on this thing
6556	EB: ok...
6557	EB: how do you know all this?
6558	TG: fuck
6559	TG: come on dude
6560	EB: oh yeah...
6561	EB: you're the orange dave.
6562	EB: hey no offense, but do you think i could talk to the real dave for a second?
6563	TG: god dammit
6564	TG: i am the real dave
6565	TG: you know the one who saved your life
6566	TG: im more real actually cause ive been through some heavy shit already hopping around on red hot gears and i-beams for like a year
6567	TG: and grinding shit out for your ungrateful ass
6568	TG: here look check out this code from the future not that you deserve it WIin189Q
6569	TG: youre fucking welcome
6570	EB: wow, calm down!
6571	EB: i'm sorry, that's not really what i meant...
6572	EB: i mean, of course you're a real dave, but what i mean is...
6573	EB: the dave from my time is also my friend, and i guess he's in the same boat i'm in, not knowing stuff and all.
6574	EB: and i'd feel bad keeping him out of the loop!
6575	TG: yo
6576	EB: oh, hey.
6577	EB: i think i pissed off your future self.
6578	TG: what did you do
6579	EB: i said he wasn't the real dave.
6580	TG: ahahahahaha
6581	EB: i think i might have really hurt his feelings though!
6582	TG: pff
6583	TG: dont worry about it
6584	EB: why not?
6585	TG: cause i wouldnt give a shit
6586	TG: and hes me
6587	EB: ok.
6588	EB: i'm in rose's room by the way.
6589	TG: what
6590	TG: really
6591	EB: yeah, but she's asleep!
6592	TG: ok
6593	TG: dont go anywhere
6594	TG: im coming down to the computer
6595	EB: ok.
6596	TG: dave is here he wants to use the computer
6597	TG: probably to help you scope out roses room and snoop and stuff
6598	TG: i mean thats what i would have done
6599	TG: if you were alive
6600	TG: so im gonna go
6601	TG: use these flappy ghost wings and tear shit up in space or something
6602	EB: sure!
6603	EB: hey dave...
6604	TG: what
6605	EB: in case i forgot to say so before...
6606	EB: thanks for saving my life!
6607	TG: yeah
6608	TG: ok i dont know what youre doing here
6609	TG: but i think we can both agree that youve got to rummage through as much of her shit as possible before she wakes up
6610	EB: man, i don't know how i feel about that!
6611	EB: i don't really like the idea of capering around her room while she's asleep, it feels weird.
6612	EB: i'm going to wake her up.
6613	TG: dude no come on
6614	TG: shes out like a light anyway
6615	TG: it was some like weird future thing that happened that made her sleep
6616	EB: a future thing?
6617	TG: yeah
6618	TG: shit doesnt get more clear than that
6619	EB: well, yeah, she won't wake up.
6620	EB: so i guess so.
6621	EB: but i'm not snooping!!!
6622	TG: fine dont
6623	TG: but here just do this one thing
6624	TG: see those two notebooks on the floor behind you
6625	EB: yeah.
6626	EB: they look sorta like journals.
6627	EB: i don't think i should read those!
6628	TG: you dont have to read them im not telling you to
6629	TG: what kind of prying tool do you take me for
6630	TG: just pick them up
6631	TG: you know like tidy up a bit since you made a royal fucking dump of her room just now
6632	EB: uh, ok.
6633	TG: now i need you to do something else
6634	TG: this is important
6635	TG: like for important game reasons and stuff
6636	TG: take the card the books are on
6637	TG: flip it over
6638	EB: umm...
6639	TG: so you can see the code
6640	EB: wait a minute!
6641	EB: i see what you're trying to do.
6642	EB: i won't tell you the code for rose's books!
6643	TG: dude you dont have to tell me the code
6644	TG: just flip it over and let me know if theres a code there thats all
6645	EB: ok...
6646	EB: i guess.
6647	EB: yeah there's a code.
6648	TG: alright cool
6649	TG: you can ditch the books now if you want
6650	TG: maybe put them back on the floor
6651	TG: so rose doesnt think you were snooping
6652	TG: seriously youve got some grubby fingers bro why dont you mind your own business there
6653	TG: what is even with you
6654	EB: HAHA DAVE,
6655	EB: I THINK ALL THIS LAUGHING MADE ME POOP IN MY PANTS TOO HARD.
6656	TG: isnt that your birthday package there
6657	EB: oh, yeah, i think it might be.
6658	TG: maybe you should look at it
6659	TG: i dont think it counts as snooping since its technically yours
6660	EB: yeah, maybe.
6661	EB: i wonder if she finished...
6662	EB: she was so tight lipped about the damn thing! i am really curious.
6663	You eye your birthday package again curiously. It's awfully tempting to peek inside, but you feel guilty about it for some reason, even though it's yours anyway.
6664	You suppose a perusal of her bookshelf would be harmless enough. Just a bunch of books. The knowledge within is meant for everybody.
6665	Dave pesters you with the message, "TG: afdsjjjjjjjjvfffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff" which you decide not to bother dignifying with a whole pesterlog ordeal because it's probably just him being a truculent jackass again so screw him.
6666	You find a book full of beautiful poetry and groundbreaking philosophical thinking by American Sports Legend, Charles Barkley.
6667	These are words to cherish.
6668	This is a man to treasure.
6669	You captchalogue Rose's autographed copy of THIS OCEAN CHARLES. Jewels of wisdom like this don't just fall into your lap every day, and shouldn't be parted with lightly.
6670	You doubt she'll mind if you borrow her book. She's always trying to get you to read her weird books anyway.
6671	You can't take it anymore. You're going to see what's inside.
6672	John,
6673	I never got to thank you properly for your gift. Yes, the words were there. Language comprising the familiar veneer of gratitude rubbing off with each tired favor traded for. A God bless to a sneeze or a few pennies cradled in a receipt. Perhaps it's the deplorable romantic in me, but I thought your present, and your friendship, demanded reciprocation surpassing by some degree the utterly meaningless.
6674	The proper thanks I thought would be a demonstration that your offering was not in vain. Yes, maybe some would take your suggested alternative to my gloomy preoccupations as a passive-aggressive jab. But I know you didn't mean it that way. In fact, I'm sure reading about it now is the first time the notion has occurred to you. John, please stop rolling your eyes. The letter is down here.
6675	The gift in this box is a resurrection. I used your present to thread life anew into a tattered heirloom. As long as I can remember, its black, greasy appendages have been tethered limply to its ratty, porous carriage. Too delicate to wash, too dear to discard. I used to love this rabbit. Now he's yours.
6676	I trust you'll find this to be adequately sentimental. Happy birthday.
6677	Rose
6678	This gift from Rose is so cool. Two sweet bunnies on one birthday?? What are the odds. In a fit of enthusiasm you SHUT UP AND JAM the bunny back in the box, executing a textbook CHAOS DUNK.
6679	Millions would have perished, if everything in the ocean weren't dead already, that is.
6680	You gently CHAOS DUNK the fragile bunny back in the box and captchalogue it. It is such a nice present. You will have to write Rose a thank you note and tuck it under her hair band or something. Wait no, that would probably be creepy.
6681	This bunny reminds you that you still have a salamander in your sylladex. She is holding the bunny Dave got you. It's sort of uncanny how similar they are, aside from the knitted enhancements. Seriously, what are the odds?? So weird.
6682	You release dear, precious Casey. She was probably getting antsy in that card. You think you'll leave her here with Rose. A dangerous quest is nothing to embark on with a sweet, innocent little girl stashed in your inventory.
6683	You aren't actually sure if she is a girl though. You don't even know if salamanders can be girls. Aren't they hermaphrodites or something?
6684	You don't know anything about biology. Unless it is biology that has to do with ghosts and slime. But even then you don't actually know anything, you just sort of like to pretend you do.
6685	Looks like a troll is bugging Rose.
6686	GA: Im Supposed To Antagonize A Few Members Of Your Trivial Species
6687	GA: I Have To Start Somewhere
6688	GA: And Somewhen
6689	GA: So I Am Starting With You
6690	GA: And Now
6691	GA: Its Going To Be Pointless And Unpleasant
6692	GA: Mostly For Me
6693	GA: Actually You Know What
6694	GA: Im Not Really Feeling This At All
6695	GA: Goodbye
6696	TT: she's not here right now, she's asleep!
6697	TT: but ok, see you.
6698	GA: Is This
6699	GA: Your Human Sarcasm That Ive Heard About
6700	GA: That You Always Use
6701	GA: And That Is Basically A Terrible Way To Communicate
6702	TT: umm... no?
6703	GA: I Thought That Was The Thing You Did
6704	GA: The Rose Human Specifically
6705	TT: oh, yeah.
6706	TT: that's me! i am the rose human. look at me, i am so smart with all these snooty words and complicated things to say.
6707	TT: i am the queen of books.
6708	GA: Okay These Are Definitely Insincere Statements
6709	GA: Why Do You Work So Hard At Being So Awful
6710	TT: fffuuhhhhhhhh
6711	TT: i'm so burned, these burns are crazy.
6712	TT: can we just cut to the chase and be friends already??
6713	TT: these cat and mouse games are so dumb, you know we're just going to all be friends at some point anyway.
6714	GA: Have We Spoken Before
6715	TT: i don't know, uh, maybe???
6716	TT: it's hard to keep track with all your time nonsense.
6717	GA: Now That I Think About It It Is Pretty Conceivable That I Will Talk To You Again In The Past After This Conversation
6718	TT: that's because you guys always do things the hard way.
6719	TT: and the dumb way.
6720	GA: I Should Figure Out How The Viewport Feature Of This Application Works
6721	GA: So I Can See What Such A Primitive Creature Looks Like
6722	TT: haha, well i know what you guys look like.
6723	TT: you look kind of like...
6724	TT: howie mandel from little monsters.
6725	TT: even though, to be perfectly frank, he was kind of a big monster.
6726	TT: because he was a big goofy adult.
6727	TT: and fred savage was like his child prankster sidekick.
6728	GA: Is This An Adversary You Have Encountered On Your Quest
6729	TT: no, it's a movie.
6730	TT: you should ask john about it, because he thinks it's awesome, which it is.
6731	GA: It Seems You Put Stock In Johns Assessment Of Things
6732	GA: Even Really Uninteresting Things That Are Pretty Terrible To Listen To
6733	GA: He Is Either The Leader Of Your Party Or You Hold Whatever The Human Equivalent Of Mating Fondness For Him Is
6734	TT: yeah, i got him this really cool bunny for his birthday, and it's really nicely knitted and everything.
6735	TT: because i am basically in love with him, you are right.
6736	GA: Uh Okay
6737	TT: heh, just kidding. i'm sure john knows it's cause i am really thoughtful and i bet he really appreciates the present, and would say thank you if he were here!
6738	GA: Okay Human Courtship Is Definitely A Strange Thing And Its Sort Of Blowing My Mind Listening To This
6739	GA: I Think Ill Talk To Someone Else Now
6740	TT: why don't you talk to john?
6741	GA: Maybe
6742	GA: When Along His Timeline Would You Recommend Communicating With Him
6743	TT: oh man, i don't know.
6744	TT: why don't you pick the time that will make the most complicated mess out of everything imaginable?
6745	TT: you know that's what you're gonna do anyway.
6746	GA: Considering That Youre Obviously Not That Smart
6747	GA: And Basically Understand Whipping Bugwinged Fuckall About Even The Most Elementary Temporal Mechanics
6748	GA: I Am A Bit Perplexed As To Why I Find Myself So Vehemently Fondling The Short End Of The Antagonism Stick Here
6749	GA: Kind Of Irritating
6750	GA: Im Going To Talk To Your Comrades
6751	GA: This John Human
6752	GA: And Figure Out Whats Going On
6753	TT: ok.
6754	TT: if you talk to him in the past...
6755	TT: he'll understand even less buggywhipped fuckall about time, and he'll be confused.
6756	TT: so maybe paste something from this conversation to him? i don't know.
6757	TT: and if you talk to him in the future...
6758	TT: he'll probably know all this stuff, like things you've said to him but haven't said yet!
6759	TT: and then you'll be confused.
6760	TT: sorry, that's just how this works.
6761	TT: don't say i didn't warn you!
6762	GA: Consider Me Fully Briefed On The Matter.
6763	GA: Until Next Time Rose
6764	GA: Next Time In The Past
6765	TT: yeah, bye!
6766	TT: (heheheheheheh)
6767	GA: If Youre Not Too Busy Still Setting Up The Network
6768	GA: Perhaps You Could Come Show Me How To Activate The Viewport
6769	TA: ii am iin fact two bu2y 2tiill 2ettiing iit up.
6770	TA: whoa HERE2 an iidea.
6771	TA: pre22 F1.
6772	GA: My Keyboard Is Missing The F1 Key
6773	TA: liie2.
6774	TA: dont bother me iim not iin the mood.
6775	TA: iif ii 2ee one more 2narl of wiire2.
6776	TA: kiind of juttiing out and beiing tangled or whatever.
6777	TA: ii am goiing two perform 2ome 2ort of athletiic fuckiing 2omer2ault off the deep end and get a call from the pre2iident or 2ome 2hiit.
6778	TA: 2o go away.
6779	GA: You Used To Like To Talk More
6780	GA: If I Recall I Was Typically The One Who Would Solicit Reprieves From Your Nonsense
6781	GA: So I Dont Know What Happened
6782	TA: that wa2 before ii knew we were all goiing two diie.
6783	TA: and no one beliieved me.
6784	TA: and now look at you all.
6785	TA: all beliieviing me 2uddenly HMM UNCANNY.
6786	GA: Then Why Are You Doing This
6787	GA: Setting Up These Stations For Us
6788	TA: two get you all off my bulge about iit.
6789	TA: but ii wont troll any of them per2onally no way.
6790	TA: kiind of juveniile.
6791	TA: but you guys go knock your 2elve2 out ok.
6792	TA: 2ee the menu up top?
6793	TA: fiiddle around wiith that tiil you open the viiewport.
6794	GA: I Did Fiddle With It
6795	GA: To No Avail
6796	TA: iif you cant fiigure 2hiit out by fuckiing around you dont belong near computer2.
6797	TA: kiind of liike wiith regii2tered 2ex offender2 and 2chool2.
6798	TA: iif you move two a new town you have two go up two your neiighbor2 door and warn them about how 2tupiid you are.
6799	TA: and giive them a chance two hiide all theiir iinnocent technology.
6800	TA: and vandaliize your hou2e.
6801	Dave shows you some of his sweet gear. Wow he is so cool.
6802	You are now the pony.
6803	You stand outside some ruins which your beloved master's mother entered recently. Outside you find a striking scarcity of oats or greenery or anything at all that is delicious to chew on. This is as compelling a reason as any to follow her inside.
6804	You go in the ruins. Your clopping hooves echo throughout the cavernous and foreboding environment. But you are too stupid to be nervous.
6805	Your powerful snout detects the scent of Rose's MOM. She went this way.
6806	Good grief, look at all this grist. A large and terrible monster must surely have been slain here.
6807	You pick up all the grist, and store it in Rose's GRIST CACHE.
6808	This is entirely too much grist of too many exotic types for such a low level player. But you'll take it. You don't look a gift horse in the pink heart tattoo.
6809	The grist overflow is gathered by the GRIST GUTTER utility supplied by GRIST TORRENT. It is stored and gradually redirected to other players.
6810	Rose's MOM stands on a small platform and disappears.
6811	You are a little nervous about transportalizing yourself. As a quadruped, grisly bisection strikes you as a very real possibility. Even though you're too dumb to think of such things.
6812	Rose stops being the pony just in time for John to start being the hat.
6813	THE BREEZE carries you to where you need to go.
6814	You settle in front of a man in sore need of a fresh hat.
6815	He gathers the clean hat, along with a shoe he found through similarly serendipitous means to replace one he lost.
6816	You decide to try out the code Davesprite gave you.
6817	The thing is huge, and costs a fortune. Half a million pieces of BUILD GRIST, GARNETS, DIAMONDS, and GOLD, and a single piece of QUARTZ.
6818	There's no way you can make that, let alone wield it, even with your ghost gloves.
6819	You use the alchemiter's scaling upgrade to reduce it to a more manageable and affordable size.
6820	You make a weapon called FEAR NO ANVIL.
6821	EB: so what is this?
6822	EB: the thing the code made...
6823	TG: really powerful hammer
6824	EB: how do you know?
6825	EB: i thought you couldn't use hammers.
6826	TG: i cant
6827	TG: better be though
6828	TG: got it from hephaestus
6829	EB: who's that?
6830	TG: really tough to kill dude
6831	EB: you killed him for it?
6832	TG: nope
6833	EB: how'd you get it then?
6834	TG: shenanigans
6835	EB: ok.
6836	It seems you have a visitor.
6837	There's nothing to fix. Just got to open the viewport. It's easy.
6838	Someone has been using your Pesterchum account.
6839	And you somehow doubt the culprit was this young upright amphibian presently throwing a fit.
6840	You hurry to the door so you can catch John before he goes gallivanting off somewhere.
6841	But it seems your door is ajar. Funny, you don't remember leaving your door ajar. Even though it's sort of absurd for you to take note of such a thing, considering John recently left your room.
6842	Oh well, it doesn't matter. You will now proceed through this door uneventfully.
6843	You get dumped on by a bucket full of HELLACIOUS BLUE PHLEGM ANEURYSM GUSHERS as a thoughtful but mischievous thank you gesture from John.
6844	Your PRANKSTER'S GAMBIT plunges to an all time low. You cannot hope to defeat Egbert in a prank-off. He is simply the best there is.
6845	Rose obviously isn't waking up any time soon. Might as well take some time to explore, and maybe stop by again later.
6846	Why, Doctor Meowgon... do you want to come along for the ride? It sure looks that way.
6847	Ok, hop aboard then. Adventure awaits.
6848	Where is he off to now?
6849	At least you have this little fellow here to keep you company.
6850	You will name him Viceroy Bubbles Von Salamancer.
6851	You have no idea what the hell that means.
6852	But yeah, you can kiss that obnoxious puppet goodbye. Maybe now you can get a decent night's sleep.
6853	Ok, this is the most ridiculous thing you have ever seen. What is taking place here is almost certainly illegal.
6854	You're not sure which laws are being broken, but it is probably a lot.
6855	You spy a boat on the shore of one of the islands below. You wonder who could be out here rowing in the middle of the ocean.
6856	Hoofprints in the sand. The mystery deepens.
6857	There are many frightening and powerful monsters in here.
6858	You stun them with the cool time powers of your awesome new hammer, and then dispatch them swiftly.
6859	The good Doctor Spengler helps you gather the riches.
6860	There's a platform over here. You guess you'll go stand on it oh wow it just made you disappear.
6861	Now what in the hell is going on in here.
6862	Now what in the hell is going on in here.
6863	YES. FUCK YES. HELL FUCKING YES.
6864	But seriously what in the hell is going on in here.
6865	You find a sweet getup. It's almost as if it was tailor made for you. How weird would that be???
6866	You equip the JUNIOR ECTOBIOLOGIST'S LAB SUIT.
6867	NOW WHAT IN THE HELL IS GOING ON IN HERE???
6868	Of course it's obvious what's going on in here. It's another one of those four monitored house-shaped terminal thingies.
6869	You fail to resist the urge.
6870	You start thrashing up stunts something uncannybrutal on your quest for "MAD JUSTICE YO" and get this way rude municipality under control. Shit is basically flying off the hook. It's like shit wants nothing to do with that hook. The hook filed for divorce from that shit and is now seeking custody of the hook and the shit's two kids.
6871	These hops are unreal. Shit this flagrant should be illegal. It probably is.
6872	But you don't care.
6873	You have traveled to Prospit's moon to board a shuttle headed for the BATTLEFIELD. There you will seek the counsel of the WHITE KING.
6874	You have unwittingly been tailed by a nefarious COURTYARD DROLL from Derse.
6875	You pilfer the WHITE QUEEN'S RING.
6876	None the wiser, you board the shuttle. Next stop, Skaia.
6877	You receive an incoming message from the DRACONIAN DIGNITARY. You tell him you've got the ring. He says good, bring it to him while he waits for an update from the HEGEMONIC BRUTE who's been tracing the king's movements down on the battlefield.
6878	He asks if you're still wearing that ridiculous outfit. He says you don't have to anymore, by orders of the SOVEREIGN SLAYER.
6879	You say...
6880	You say you'd still rather wear the outfit.
6881	He's got nothing to say about that.
6882	It's too late. She's gone. You'll have to remember to deliver it later, somehow.
6883	The best way to remind yourself that you're carrying a ring is to put it on your finger.
6884	Of course that was just an imaginary transformation, since the ring doesn't work like that on humans. It was fun to pretend though.
6885	Somewhere, a WARWEARY VILLEIN rues eternal struggle between feuding royalty.
6886	The BATTLEFIELD holds little promise for the peaceful life of a simple farmer.
6887	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/shitletsbesanta.gif" border="0" />
6888	You make the HUBTOP.
6889	That one was pretty obvious.
6890	You make the BRONZED VACUUMBRELLA.
6891	Useless.
6892	But you're still getting warmed up.
6893	You make a HUGGABLE SOFT SALAMANCER PLUSH.
6894	You award it to the Viceroy on account of good behavior.
6895	You make a box of BODACIOUS BLACK LIQUID SORROW GUSHERS.
6896	Another Crocker nightmare rears its ugly head. The ink reverses the healing properties of the blue phlegm. These are pure poison.
6897	You make the HUBTOPBAND, a convenient hands-free computing device.
6898	You make a bottle of MAGNETIC WODKA. In addition to having high alcohol content, the liquid inside appears to have magnetic properties.
6899	You...
6900	You GUESS this could be useful?
6901	You make a ball of SILKEN WIZARDBEARD YARN (WITH MAGICAL PROPERTIES).
6902	It has magical properties because it is made of a wizard.
6903	Maybe you can make something with magical properties that is more useful than this.
6904	You make a pair of NEEDLEWANDS.
6905	They crackle with the majyyk enyrjjies.
6906	It is time to make something cool to wear.
6907	You make a stylish VELVET SQUIDDLEKNIT DRESS.
6908	You make the THORNS OF OGLOGOTH.
6909	The needles seem to shiver with the dark desires of THE DEEP ONE. Any sane adventurer would cast these instruments of the occult into the FURTHEST RING and forget they ever existed.
6910	WELCOME TO THE PARTY MOTHERFUCKERS
6911	You take advantage of Dave's nap to make some architectural headway on his building.
6912	You are really proud of your floorplan. It is
6913	so
6914	cool
6915	Speaking of naps, you have been asleep for some time yourself. You suppose you'd better wake up soon.
6916	But then, your neighbor in the other tower is supposed to be waking up soon too, and it sure would be a shame if you weren't around to greet him!
6917	And by jam you mean alchemize of course.
6918	Whoa your house is huge suddenly.
6919	Anyway let's get this party started.
6920	You make a pair of iSHADES.
6921	This one was really obvious cause future Dave had a pair, but he took them with him when he prototyped himself. But now you have a pair too so that's cool.
6922	You make the TURNTOP.
6923	Convenient computing on the go. Sort of like you have with your iSHADES, but with all your important files and apps on there. Not to mention Sburb.
6924	Plus MAYBE it has some weird time powers??? You have no idea. You'll mess with it later.
6925	You upgrade the PUPPET TUX future Dave made. He probably made it by combining one of your BRO'S badass marionette suits with your shirt, and scaling it up to fit. That's how you would have made it anyway.
6926	You add a SMUPPET to the mix to make a softer and more stylish RED PLUSH PUPPET TUX. It is like walking around in snugly pajamas.
6927	ACTION PAJAMAS.
6928	You combine a couple more items you got from future Dave's loot stash. The broken form of CALEDSCRATCH, and some RUBY CONTRABAND, whatever the hell that is.
6929	The resulting item costs a fortune. You have no idea what it is.
6930	You momentarily reconfigure your alchemiter upgrades to make use of the HOLOPAD EXTENSION. You pop the card in the slot and check it out.
6931	The combination would produce the BROKEN SCARLET RIBBITAR.
6932	Out of curiosity you try it again with a whole sword.
6933	You dial back CALEDSCRATCH'S little turntable, rewinding the sword to a point in its history before it was broken. You then combine it with the red frog thingy to show the complete SCARLET RIBBITAR.
6934	But there's no way you can afford to make that yet. It costs even more now.
6935	Maybe you'll stick to combining items around your house for now, rather than stuff from your future sylladex. It'll be less confusing that way, and probably less expensive.
6936	You use one of your BRO'S really shitty swords from the fridge and a printout of Hella Jeff to make a SORD.....
6937	This thing is so unspeakably shitty you are having a hard time even holding it.
6938	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/comeon.gif" border="0" />
6939	You make the SNOOP DOGG SNOW CONE MACHETE.
6940	When foes drop it like it's hot just turn up the blizzizzle nozzle so they chizzlax fo' rizzle.
6941	You make UNREAL AIR.
6942	And there it goes.
6943	It is RIDICULOUS what kind of air this thing is getting. Dude come get the ruler check this out.
6944	Yeah, it's not coming back.
6945	You just make another one.
6946	You quickly stash it in a card so it can't escape from above.
6947	You turn back the clock and make a VINTAGE GAMEBRO.
6948	You think you remember this one from your BRO'S stash. It's a classic.
6949	You make a whole pile of SUITARANGS because they are really cool and pretty cheap.
6950	You make FOUR ACES SUITED.
6951	You aren't really sure which one you like better. The red one is softer, while the black one is sort of stiff and starchy. Anyone wearing this suit is all business.
6952	Maybe you'll switch it up as your mood dictates.
6953	This would make the FELT DUDS, if you had some of whatever that green grist is.
6954	You make a JUTTING OUT AND IMPUDENT FELT PLUSH.
6955	You do an acrobatic fucking pirouette off the handle and into his heart. And he, into yours.
6956	You make a FOAM MUTANT SMUPPET ENCASED IN AMBER.
6957	Now we're getting somewhere.
6958	For the sake of science, you ||-combine them instead of &&-combine.
6959	You make an AMBER MUTANT SMUPPET ABOMINATION.
6960	So cool. Now this is how you make shit work. Egbert and Lalonde should be taking notes.
6961	You make the FOAM FETAL MR. T IN A JAR.
6962	Another backbreaking victory for science.
6963	You're looking pretty chill with your new freakshow entourage.
6964	The underlings all look kind of put off by it though. You're kind of weirding them out.
6965	You make the CAPTCHAROID CAMERA.
6966	You can use it to snap a ghost image of any object without captchaloguing it. Spits it out on a brand new captchalogue card every time. Could be a useful way to take a large inventory of anything you encounter without cluttering up your sylladex. Also for grabbing codes for stuff you can't ordinarily pick up.
6967	You take one of your patented ironic cool guy self portraits.
6968	Man. So cool.
6969	thats really all there is to say on the matter
6970	That would apparently make DAVE'S BRAIN IN A JAR. Gross.
6971	It costs a king's ransom though because of course the organ is virtually inimitable.
6972	Doesn't stop you from captcharoiding its hologram though.
6973	Ok, that's probably the weirdest thing you've ever done, but ok.
6974	You make the SBAHJIFIER.
6975	Finally, something useful.
6976	It cost you -1000 units of ARTIFACT GRIST.
6977	Looks like it automatically prints out a SBaHJ comic in some way related to whatever you take a picture of.
6978	This should save you a lot of time. Specifically the five minutes it takes you to draw a comic. You're a busy guy.
6979	Can't forget the most important thing you came up here to make.
6980	Gotta be gettin' your snoop on.
6981	One book is titled "MEOW". The other is titled "Complacency of the Learned".
6982	Gee, you wonder what could be in MEOW.
6983	MWOEWEOWOEOEOEOWMWMWMWMWOMMWOEWEOWMOEWOMOEOEWMOWMWEOWOEW
6984	MEWMMWOMEWEOWEOEWOMOWEMWMOEWEOEMWMOMMWEMWOMWEWWMWMWOEWEO
6985	MWMWOWEOWMEOMEWEMOMWEMWMOEWMOEWMOEWMWEWOMEWMOEMWOMEWMEWE
6986	MWMOEOMMMOMOMOMWEWEWEWOWOWEOWMOWEWMEOMWEMMOWWMWWMWMOEWEO
6987	OOMOMOEEOMWMWEOWEOMWMOWMWEOMWEMWOWMWOEOMWEOMWWWMWEWEWEWO
6988	WOWEOOMWEWEWEWOWOWEOWMOWOEOEOWMWMWMWMWOMOEWOMOEOEWMOWMWE
6989	OWWMWMWOEWEOMWMWEWEOWEOEWOMOWEWEWOWOWEOWMOWEWMEOMWEMMWEW
6990	EWOWOWEOWMOWEWMEOMWEMMMWEWEWEWOWOWEOWWMWMWOEWEOMWMWOMWEW
6991	EWEWOWOWEOWMOWOEOEOWMWMWMWMWOMMWEWEWEWOWOWEOOMWEWEWEWOWO
6992	WEOWMOWWEWEWOWOWEOWMOWEWMEOMWEMMWEWEWOWOWEOWMOWEWMEOMWEM
6993	MMWEWEWEWOWOWEOWWMWMWOEWEOMWMWOMWEWEWEWOWOWEOWMOWOEOEOWM
6994	WMWMWMWOMWWMWMWOEWEOMWMWOMWEWEWEWOWOWEOWMOWWEWEWOWOWEOWM
6995	OWEWMEOMWEMMMWEWEWEWOWOWEOWWMWMWOEWEOMWMWOMWEWEWEWOWOWEO
6996	WMOWOEOEOWMWMWMWMWOMWWMWMWOEWEOMWMWWEWEWOWOWEOWMOWEWMEOM
6997	WEMMWWMWMWOEWEOMWMWOMWEWEWEWOWOWEOWMOWOEOEOWMWMWMWMWOMWW
6998	MWMWOEWEOMWMWOMWEWEWEWOWOWEOWMOWMWEWEWEWOWOWEOWWMWMWOEWE
6999	OMWMWOMWEWEWEWOWOWEOWMOWOEOEOWMWMWMWMWOMWMOWOEOEOWMWMWMW
7000	To no surprise at all, this book is full of more MEOW letters. Looks like Rose is totally nuts. What else is new.
7001	You guess you'll try out the other book. Looks like it's some sort of creative writing project.
7002	Frigglish bothered his beard, as if unkinking a hitch in a long silk windsock. A more pedestrian audience would parse the exhibit as nervous compulsion. Behavior to petition contempt among the reasonable. He was however not surrounded by the reasonable, but the wise, a distinction in men that would forever be the difference in history's garland of treasured follies. As a matter of fact, his cadre of fellow wizards were all putting similar moves on their beards as well. The practice would evince thoughtfulness - sagacity, even - if they didn't do it all the time. Standing in line at the bank. Shooing squirrels from bird feeders. Few occasions were safe.
7003	Zazzerpan inspected the clue. A single piece of evidence cradled in his coriaceous old man palms. It was a human bone, not striking in the tale it told alone so much as that told by the thousands like it festooning the marshy soil of the mass grave. The grisly expanse bore the texture of a decadent dessert, like one of Smarny's formidable custard trifles wobbled out on wheels for the holidays, to the dismay of a small nation.
7004	"You're certain of this?" asked Frigglish. Despite what he was doing with his beard, he was, in fact, immersed in meaningful contemplation.
7005	"I am afraid I am becoming more so with each terrible tick groused by that gaudy timepiece slung around your neck." In case it wasn't clear, Frigglish wore a clock Zazzerpan didn't care for. It was magic. "The massacre of Syrs Gnelph was not as written."
7006	"What has you convinced it was the hand of our disciples in this blackness?" Executus chimed in.
7007	"I believe... I..." a fat face stammered, eyes darting with the guilt of a thief in the throes of an unraveling alibi. "I can summon a... more pressing line of inquiry..." No, Smarny. Nobody was in the mood for a sticky bundt loaf just now.
7008	Zazzerpan's ears fell insubstantial to any line of inquiry, pastry-oriented or otherwise. His abstruse contour carved a pondering shape in the fog carpeting centuries-dead. His eleven contemporaries too embraced the muted consternation of their great Predicant Scholar. Few wizards kept sharper adumbratives or read them with such lucidity. When Zazzerpan treated men with silence it was seldom unrepaid by the wise and reasonable alike.
7009	It was harrowing to entertain. Zazzerpan the Learned's storied Complacency of Wizards was marked for grander descendence. Disciples hand-picked, vetted by Ockite the Bonafide and tested by Gastrell the Munificent. The twelve sweetest, most studious children a pair of elderly eyes could give their sparkle. Not the ragged guttersnipe so oft-harvested by the common Obscenity, those vituperative little beggars with hearts to corrupt as dropped bananas brown. That these chosen youngsters would turn was not merely unthinkable, but something of a roundhouse to the temporal bones of the Upper Indifference's high chamber of Softskulled Prophets.
7010	His wisdom-savaged brow pruned further with recount of his many lessons to wouldbe successors. Lessons to advance humanity's elucidation and prosperity, an outcome this bleak trail now painfully obviated. There were few puzzles The Learned could not suspend and dissect in the recondite manifold beneath his extremely expensive pointy hat. Daring to pitch his cherished pupils in with the foul melange of history's rogues, the heretofore abstract scourge that built up civilizations with ungodly magic and tore them down with joyful malice, would prove an intellectual trespass to make his calcium-deficient bones quake.
7011	And more daring yet was the only question that now mattered. Could a bunch of bearded, scraggly old men in preposterous outfits hunt them down? He didn't have an answer. Only a simple observation so blunt and uncharacteristically jejune for the lauded sage it was breathtaking in its selfevidency.
7012	"We're going to need more wands." (Wow. Think of something better.)
7013	This wizard story seems really involved and kind of confusing. You'll have to save your place and dig into it later, and then maybe ask Rose what the hell the deal with it is.
7014	You return to your room in search of a bookmark.
7015	Oh, hey. Finally a use for that pointless juice stained beta that will never serve any purpose, past or future.
7016	You drop it on the john in case you're looking for some reading material later.
7017	TG: whoa why are you burning your wizard fanfiction
7018	TT: I'm not.
7019	TT: This book contains a genetic code.
7020	TG: oh ok
7021	TG: then why are you burning that
7022	TT: The gods from the Furthest Ring asked me to.
7023	TG: is that some dumb wizard thing you just made up
7024	TG: or something to do with tentacle monsters
7025	TG: i cant keep track of what you like anymore
7026	TT: How did you know I wrote a story about wizards, anyway?
7027	TG: john told me
7028	TG: he was all snoopin around your room while you were asleep and i was like no man dont
7029	TG: so not cool
7030	TG: then he was like haha dude check it out this book is full of wizard slash
7031	TG: and i was like i dont even want to know this is such a crazy violation of privacy
7032	TT: This story sounds suspicious.
7033	TG: do you want me to chew him out about it i will because that was so outrageous i dont know where he got off being like that
7034	TT: No, I don't actually mind.
7035	TT: Too bad I missed him.
7036	TG: i thought you hated wizards
7037	TG: whats the deal with that
7038	TT: I like wizards.
7039	TT: What I don't like is my mother's obsession with feigning interest in them to antagonize me.
7040	TG: oh man thats so messed up
7041	TG: that you think that
7042	TG: she probably digs wizards for real just like you and youre blowing shit out of proportion like pretty much always
7043	TG: you and she could probably have been chatting up how awesome wizards were this whole time but no
7044	TG: youre probably burning your nutjob meow book to spite her too arent you
7045	TT: No, I told you.
7046	TT: It's one of the gene sequences locked in my subconcious.
7047	TT: The gods say it's critical to destroy it.
7048	TG: oh yeah
7049	TG: i thought that was a joke
7050	TG: when did they say that
7051	TT: When I was asleep.
7052	TG: you mean when we were dancing and stuff in our dreams
7053	TT: Yes.
7054	TT: When I flew to your tower, I heard them.
7055	TT: They're far above, in the dark sky.
7056	TG: ive never seen or heard these things in my dreams
7057	TT: Aren't you often distracted?
7058	TT: By music and puppets?
7059	TG: uh yeah
7060	TT: Have you ever looked into the sky without your shades?
7061	TG: no what a ridiculous question
7062	TT: Maybe you should try it some time.
7063	TG: ....
7064	TT: You're the prince of the moon.
7065	TG: ........
7066	TT: I'm sure they've been meaning to seek a royal audience.
7067	TG: ..........................
7068	TT: What do all these dots mean.........
7069	TG: dunno
7070	TG: anyway yeah i guess ill do that
7071	TG: get some sky monsters to boss me around sounds cool
7072	TG: so really why are you burning that
7073	TT: I just explained this to Other Dave.
7074	TT: Do I have to explain everything to you twice now?
7075	TG: no i know
7076	TG: im using daves spare computer i saw the whole conversation through his pesterchum account
7077	TT: Oh, I see.
7078	TT: So instead of having to double explain, I merely have to put up with being double spied upon.
7079	TT: What a relief!
7080	TG: i just mean
7081	TG: you didnt burn that book in the future
7082	TG: that book was completely pointless
7083	TT: I know.
7084	TT: But now it's not.
7085	TT: You appeared to make it relevant by traveling to the past.
7086	TG: so does that mean the sleeping thing worked
7087	TG: you remember the future
7088	TT: I remember some things.
7089	TG: ok cool
7090	TG: so why is the cat code so terrible now
7091	TT: I don't know.
7092	TT: But the gods were pretty emphatic about it.
7093	TG: well ok i guess its done but why are you so sure theyre right
7094	TT: Have you ever known them to be wrong?
7095	TG: i guess not
7096	TG: but they sort of freak me out
7097	TG: i mean listening to gross space mutants all day isnt my idea of an awesome time
7098	TG: especially the ones that sing oh god
7099	TT: Is that why you always kept the music turned up?
7100	TG: no i flip out to ill jams because they kick ass
7101	TG: obviously
7102	TT: I guess we'll chalk another riddle up in the solved column.
7103	TG: yeah case the fuck closed
7104	TG: are you talking to future me
7105	TT: Yes.
7106	TG: ok im out of the loop again
7107	TG: between you taking orders from dream beasts and bird wing me with like
7108	TG: future secrets
7109	TG: im doing some sort of spectacular fucking jackknife off the loop and getting a wink and a nod from barack obana
7110	TG: im coming upstairs
7111	TT: Ok.
7112	DAVE: so it was pretty funny how i made a copy of roses evil book right before she burned it and now she doesnt know about it
7113	DAVESPRITE: i know its crazy what kind of foresight this guy has
7114	DAVESPRITE: im telling you coincidences like that are unreal they dont even happen
7115	DAVESPRITE: most of the time
7116	DAVE: the best thing about how i did that is how it in no way will ever come back to bite us in the ass ever
7117	DAVESPRITE: dude our shit is SAFE
7118	DAVE: so safe
7119	DAVESPRITE: gonna sleep pretty sound tonight
7120	DAVESPRITE: with that big fucking payload of safety you just got dropped on us
7121	DAVESPRITE: gonna be all huggin my pillow and shit
7122	DAVESPRITE: grinning like a goddamn bear full of honey
7123	DAVE: safer than some flintstone vitamins in a bottle
7124	DAVE: keep twisting junior all you get is clicks
7125	DAVESPRITE: asshole thinks its candy
7126	DAVESPRITE: doesnt even know he just stepped on a security rake and got a face full of fucking safety
7127	DAVE: yeah
7128	DAVE: anyway guess ill go back down and burn that book
7129	DAVESPRITE: alright
7130	It looks like you already tried that.
7131	Whoever took those books was a pretty cold blooded dude.
7132	You figure you'll cool it on the time travel for a while. Don't want to see the Dave corpses start to pile up. Especially if one of them winds up being you.
7133	You ditch the body before Jade sees it. That would probably freak her out.
7134	You push one of the nearby buttons. It activates the upper right monitor. The view is locked on to a particular location on Earth at a particular date and time.
7135	Whoever was in the lab appears to have recently calibrated this device.
7136	The monitor displays a town on the west coast of the United States. It appears to be your old neighborhood. But there is a factory there you do not recognize. The date is December 1st, 1995, a few months before you were born.
7137	An old woman is escorted by her son on a lovely day. A target has been locked over the gentleman's mother.
7138	A meteor overhead looms unnoticed.
7139	They witness the destruction of the facility. Collateral damage to a corporation owned by a renowned billionaire explorer.
7140	A mystery begins.
7141	You create a PARADOX GHOST IMPRINT of the woman you recognize to be your grandmother.
7142	The ghost sludge is sucked into a glass tube.
7143	You switch to a monitor displaying a view of a remote island in the Pacific, on December 3rd, 1995.
7144	A renowned billionaire explorer approaches on his yacht. An old factory lost two days prior, but a new shipmate gained. Together they settle the island and plunder its secrets.
7145	A meteor overhead streaks unnoticed, headed toward an unseasonably warm city in the central United States.
7146	You create a PARADOX GHOST IMPRINT of the man you spotted in the woods with your book. The ghost sludge is collected.
7147	You switch to a view of an unseasonably warm city in the central United States, on December 4th, 1995.
7148	An outrageously awesome dude stands before a crater where his favorite record shop stood one day prior.
7149	He is prepared for the occasion with a small pair of outrageously awesome shades.
7150	A meteor overhead races unnoticed, headed to a lake near a laboratory on the east coast of the United States. No aquatic life would survive.
7151	You create a PARADOX GHOST IMPRINT of the outrageously awesome dude. The sludge is allocated to one of another pair of tubes.
7152	You switch again to a view of your neighborhood, on April 13th, 1996. It is the day of your birth.
7153	There is more real estate you do not recognize near the recently devastated baked goods facility. It is a shopping mall you have never seen before.
7154	A professional lady and new mother has traveled from the opposite coast at the behest of a famous and wealthy scientist to study one of numerous recent celestial anomalies while he is on expedition.
7155	She notices a meteor overhead, on collision course with a quaint family joke shop. A distinguished gentleman notices the lady and comes outside to greet her, oblivious to the threat above. The gentleman's mother remains inside, busying herself with a tall bookshelf, a ladder, and a rather hefty unabridged joke book.
7156	An old mother lost today, but a new son gained.
7157	The gentleman discovers a clue. A powerful nose detects perfume. The lady has fled. The mystery deepens.
7158	But the monitor has not lost track of the lady.
7159	You create a PARADOX GHOST IMPRINT of the professional lady. The sludge fills the final tube.
7160	Once all the tubes are filled, an automated sequence begins to execute.
7161	Four young PARADOX CLONES are created.
7162	Ectobiology sure does involve a lot of button pushing. At least it does when you're a junior ectobiologist.
7163	Your loyal assistant Dr. Meowgon is all over this one.
7164	One pair of tubes empties the sludge into the chamber below.
7165	The other pair does as well.
7166	Another sequence is activated.
7167	You storm up your ECHELADDER to claim the coveted if difficult to pronounce rung: ECTOBIOLOBABYSITTER.
7168	Your ladder is absolutely hemorrhaging the boondollars. Just what your porkhollow's fat ass needs.
7169	You surpass ONE MILLION BOONDOLLARS and trade them all in for a single whopping BOONBUCK. This is of course going directly into the college fund for these youngsters.
7170	Sure is heavy. Into the hollow it goes.
7171	An old man has much to do before he returns to Earth, dies, gets stuffed by his adopted-yet-biological daughter-slash-grand-daughter, and stuck in front of a fireplace.
7172	Taking priority at the moment is shipping two passengers long overdue for a reunion.
7173	CG: SEE THIS IS A CASE IN POINT.
7174	EB: what point?
7175	CG: THE POINT I WAS JUST MAKING.
7176	CG: ABOUT THE ULTIMATE RIDDLE.
7177	CG: YOU BLITHERING FECULENT SHITHOLE.
7178	CG: OK THAT'S YOUR CUE TO LAUGH AT ME SOME MORE I GUESS.
7179	CG: BECAUSE YOU SEEM TO REALLY GET OFF WHENEVER I FLAME YOU.
7180	CG: HUMANS ARE DERANGED.
7181	EB: oh man, i must be getting closer to the conversations where you're trolling me harder!
7182	EB: this is pretty exciting, i can't wait to see what you've got up your sleeve.
7183	CG: YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN??? FUCK YOU ABOUT THAT.
7184	EB: anyway, you weren't making a point about the ultimate riddle, dude.
7185	CG: YES I WAS, AND NOW I'M LOSING MY TRAIN OF THOUGHT DIPSHIT.
7186	EB: nope, we never talked about it.
7187	EB: yet...
7188	CG: OH HELL, THAT'S RIGHT.
7189	CG: DAMMIT, I GUESS THIS IS GOING TO BE CONFUSING.
7190	EB: oh, you're just starting to figure that out now?
7191	CG: SEE I KIND OF PAINTED MYSELF INTO A CORNER.
7192	CG: I STARTED TROLLING YOU AT THE END, JUST BEFORE THE RIFT.
7193	CG: AND THEN JUMPED BACK A LITTLE.
7194	CG: AND NOW I GUESS I'VE BECOME RAILROADED INTO WORKING BACKWARDS HERE.
7195	CG: UNLESS I WANT TO DO THE SORT OF DUMB SCHIZOPHRENIC HOPPING AROUND LIKE THE OTHERS.
7196	EB: oh my god, i know, you've already told me like a million times!!!
7197	CG: I HAVE?
7198	CG: WOW I CAN'T WAIT FOR ALL THESE AMAZING CONVERSATIONS TO TAKE PLACE.
7199	CG: IT'S GOING TO BE LIKE THAT HUMAN VACATION WITH THE GIANT RED CHIMNEY ASSHOLE UP IN HERE.
7200	CG: YOU KNOW, THE ONE WHERE A BUNCH OF MOANY NOOKSUCKERS SING AT A LITTLE PINE TREE I THINK.
7201	EB: man, i've got to say i'm a little disappointed by this "masterful trolling" you were bragging about.
7202	CG: I WAS BRAGGING?
7203	CG: WHY WOULD I BOTHER WITH THAT SORT OF PEDANTIC HUMAN HORSESHIT.
7204	CG: MAYBE YOU SHOULD CONSIDER THAT I WAS BRAGGING TO GET YOUR HOPES UP IN THE FUTURE.
7205	CG: ONLY TO LET YOU DOWN.
7206	CG: AND THUS TROLL YOU MASTERFULLY IN THAT RESPECT.
7207	EB: maybe, but that would be pretty weak too!!!
7208	CG: YOUR BRITTLE HUMAN CALCIUM BASED SKULL IS WHAT IS WEAK, AND IF YOU AND I WERE IN THE PROXIMITY OF A BLUNT INSTRUMENT I WOULDN'T HAVE MUCH TROUBLE PROVING IT.
7209	EB: w/e.
7210	EB: so what was the "case in point" you were making, anyway?
7211	CG: I WAS SCROLLING BACK AND NOTICED YOU WERE IN THE VEIL.
7212	EB: whoa, i am?
7213	CG: YEAH DUMBDUMB, YOU'RE TUMBLING AROUND ON A BIG GODDAMN METEOR.
7214	CG: AND YOU JUST CREATED YOUNGER VERSIONS OF YOURSELVES AND YOUR GUARDIANS.
7215	CG: PROBABLY BY MUCKING AROUND WITH THAT THING LIKE A DOOFUS.
7216	EB: wait...
7217	EB: these are baby versions of us?
7218	CG: HAHAHAHAHAHA, SO CLUELESS.
7219	CG: WHAT DID YOU THINK YOU WERE DOING THERE ANYWAY.
7220	EB: well...
7221	EB: i saw footage of my nanna, and some other people who i am pretty sure were like jade's grandpa and rose's mom and stuff from a long time ago.
7222	EB: and then...
7223	EB: there were all these little guys scurrying around.
7224	EB: so they are like cloned copies of us?
7225	CG: NO.
7226	CG: THEY ARE LITERALLY YOU AND YOUR GUARDIANS.
7227	CG: PARADOX CLONES.
7228	EB: huh?
7229	EB: what do you mean they are literally us?
7230	EB: do they go back in time?
7231	CG: YEAH, OBVIOUSLY. GREAT GUESS BRAIN HERO.
7232	CG: BUT TECHNICALLY THEY AREN'T EVEN SENT BACK IN TIME BECAUSE WITH RESPECT TO THE MEDIUM YOUR UNIVERSE'S TIMELINE IS MEANINGLESS.
7233	CG: SERIOUSLY WHY WOULD IT GIVE A CRAP ABOUT EARTH'S PAST OR FUTURE OR WHATEVER, FROM IT'S PERSPECTIVE IT'S JUST A BUNCH OF POINTS TO CHOOSE FROM.
7234	CG: JUST LIKE YOUR CHRONOLOGY IS FROM OUR PERSPECTIVE.
7235	CG: BUT I GUESS THAT'S A BUNCH OF SEMANTICS. WITH RESPECT TO YOUR PERSONAL CHRONOLOGY YEAH THEY GO BACK IN TIME.
7236	CG: A PARADOX CLONE IS BY DEFINITION A CORRECTLY CLONED DUPLICATE THAT WILL INEVITABLY GO BACK IN TIME AND BECOME THE ORIGINAL TARGET THAT WAS CLONED.
7237	CG: IF IT'S A MALFORMED CLONE, IT'S JUST A MEANINGLESS MUTANT THAT HAS NO BEARING ON THE STABLE LOOP CONTINUUM.
7238	CG: I DON'T SEE ANY TENTACLES OR EXTRA EYEBALLS OR WARPED BONE BULGES, SO THOSE GROSS LITTLE THINGS THERE ARE ALL YOU GUYS, WAITING TO GO TO EARTH AND GROW UP AND BECOME THE INSIPID BUNCH OF GRUBFISTED DOUCHEBAGS YOU ALL ARE NOW.
7239	CG: AND THIS WAS THE POINT I WAS TRYING TO MAKE ABOUT THE ULTIMATE RIDDLE.
7240	EB: what is the riddle anyway?
7241	EB: maybe i can guess, i am good at riddles!
7242	CG: HAHAHA, THINK AGAIN IGNORAMUS.
7243	CG: IT'S NOT EVEN THAT GREAT.
7244	CG: OR EVEN MUCH OF A RIDDLE AT ALL.
7245	CG: IN THE COURSE OF YOUR ADVENTURE YOU WOULD HAVE ENCOUNTERED ALL THESE FRAGMENTS OF LIKE WEIRD POEMS AND SHIT.
7246	CG: YOU FIND THEM ALONG YOUR QUESTS, WITH CLUES AND STUFF BURIED IN THEM TO HELP YOU SOLVE PUZZLES AND MOVE HUGE STONE COLUMNS AND MAKE STAIRCASES APPEAR AND LOTS OF NONSENSE LIKE THAT.
7247	CG: AND IT'S ALL MASKED IN THIS FLOWERY SORT OF FROTHY POETIC JACKASSERY THAT NOBODY REALLY CARES ABOUT.
7248	CG: AND I SURE AS HELL DON'T CARE ABOUT SPOILING IT FOR YOU.
7249	CG: BUT WHAT ALL THESE LOFTY SYMBOLIC ALLUSIONS BOIL DOWN TO IS SOME GRANDER STATEMENT ABOUT WHAT YOU SEE HAPPENING HERE.
7250	CG: THAT YOU WERE ALWAYS THE KEY TO SEEDING YOUR OWN EXISTENCE THROUGH THIS GAME.
7251	CG: AND ANY HOPE THAT IT COULD HAVE PLAYED OUT DIFFERENTLY OR THAT YOU COULD HAVE AVOIDED THIS WHOLE MESS WAS ALWAYS JUST A RUSE.
7252	EB: a distaction, perhaps?
7253	CG: WHAT?
7254	EB: nevermind.
7255	CG: BECAUSE IF IT DIDN'T GO DOWN THIS WAY THEN HOW WERE YOU EVEN BORN, GET IT.
7256	CG: WHICH IS ESPECIALLY PATHETIC SINCE PARADOX SPACE APPARENTLY WENT TO ALL THIS TROUBLE TO MAKE YOU JUST TO HAVE YOU FAIL AND DIE.
7257	CG: REALLY THERE'S NOTHING MORE TRAGIC THAN THESE NULL SESSIONS FULL OF KIDS ENTERING THE GAME AND FULFILLING SOME COSMIC DESTINY SHIT JUST TO GET WIPED OUT AND LEAVE BEHIND AN EMPTY POINTLESS INCIPISPHERE FOR ALL ETERNITY.
7258	CG: ACTUALLY IT'S SORT OF HILARIOUS.
7259	CG: OR IT WOULD BE IF IT DIDN'T AFFECT ME PERSONALLY.
7260	CG: BUT ANYWAY, THERE'S A LOT MORE TO THE RIDDLE THAN JUST THAT, LIKE WHAT WE WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT LAST TIME WE TALKED.
7261	CG: BUT THAT'S SORT OF THE GIST OF THE THEMES IT DEALS WITH.
7262	EB: ok.
7263	EB: well, if i run into some salamanders who tell me all about this riddle and get really excited about it, i will try to act surprised.
7264	EB: so this is the same kind of thing you went through?
7265	EB: with, like, being your own paradox clones and creating your own parents and stuff?
7266	CG: YEAH.
7267	EB: how did that even work, with 12 of you?
7268	CG: IT WAS REALLY FUCKING COMPLICATED AND I'M NOT GOING TO GET INTO IT.
7269	CG: OUR FAMILY STRUCTURES ARE ALREADY WAY MORE COMPLICATED THAN YOURS WITHOUT EVEN GETTING SPOOKY TIME SLIME INVOLVED.
7270	CG: BASICALLY WE HAVE NOTHING IN COMMON WHATSOEVER.
7271	CG: EXCEPT MAYBE THIS...
7272	CG: I WAS THE GUY IN YOUR POSITION, TO MAKE ALL THESE CLONES, AND FRANKLY IT ALL KIND OF FREAKED ME THE HELL OUT.
7273	EB: huh...
7274	EB: yeah, i guess now that you mention it, i am finding it all a little strange...
7275	CG: OH, ONLY JUST NOW???
7276	CG: FUCK YOU ARE FAST, I HOPE YOU GOT THE MAD BOONBUCKS TO PAY OFF THOSE SPEEDING TICKETS.
7277	EB: no, no, i mean the ghost stuff and paradoxes are one thing of course...
7278	EB: it's something else.
7279	EB: it's just...
7280	EB: this is really weird...
7281	CG: WHAT'S SO WEIRD ABOUT IT.
7282	EB: well, normally humans hatch...
7283	EB: from like these slimy pods.
7284	EB: then we wriggle out as a little pink larva.
7285	CG: OH REALLY.
7286	CG: HUH, MAYBE WE HAVE MORE IN COMMON THAN I THOUGHT.
7287	EB: (hehehehehehehe)
7288	CG: MAYBE THOSE REALLY ARE MUTANT CLONES AND THEY AREN'T GOING BACK TO SEED YOUR PLANET???
7289	EB: um...
7290	EB: sure...?
7291	CG: HELL, I'M CONFUSED NOW.
7292	CG: NOT THAT I GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOU AND YOUR POINTLESS AWFUL LIVES.
7293	EB: hey, i have an idea.
7294	EB: why don't you get back to me in a few minutes?
7295	EB: i mean like a few minutes of my time, not yours.
7296	EB: all of these little pink monkeys are getting way out of line and i have to tend to them.
7297	EB: if you message me in a couple minutes, we can continue conversing in a sane, linear fashion for a change!
7298	CG: UM, OK?
7299	EB: and then after that you can keep going backwards and then make fun of me riding my little red rocket.
7300	EB: you can tell me i look like a silly little paradox clone fresh out of my slime tube and this is just all a big nurseytime recess jamboree.
7301	EB: that would burn me good!
7302	CG: OK THAT IS PRETTY GOOD.
7303	CG: BUT I CAN'T USE IT, BECAUSE YOU SAID IT, AND THEN LATER, I.E. RIGHT NOW, YOU WOULD GET THE SATISFACTION OF KNOWING YOU WERE THE ONE TO COME UP WITH THAT BURN.
7304	CG: SEE, YOU ARE DEALING WITH A PRO, YOU CAN'T OUT TROLL ME SO JUST FORGET ABOUT IT AND STOP TRYING.
7305	EB: (hehehehehehehehehehehe)
7306	They're scramblin' all over the place!
7307	They appear to be preoccupied by some of the objects littered around the lab. At least it is keeping them busy.
7308	CG: OK IT'S A FEW MINUTES LATER.
7309	CG: LOOK HOW SANE AND LINEAR WE ARE BEING.
7310	EB: yeah!
7311	CG: OK AWESOME, NOW FUCK YOU AND GOODBYE.
7312	EB: wait!
7313	CG: WHAT.
7314	EB: i was just looking at all these rascals, and i was wondering...
7315	EB: how they go back in time and become us and stuff.
7316	EB: does it have something to do with the reckoning?
7317	CG: HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT.
7318	EB: you told me.
7319	EB: we had this great dare going.
7320	EB: to see who could be the least helpful and informative.
7321	EB: and you totally lost, dude!
7322	EB: you were hella helpful.
7323	CG: I WAS OBVIOUSLY JUST SPITING YOUR STUPID POINTLESS HUMAN DARE.
7324	CG: WHAT IS A DARE ANYWAY, IT'S NOTHING.
7325	CG: SOMEONE SAYS DO SOMETHING AND THEN, OH LAUGH LAUGH, YOU LOSE IF YOU DON'T DO IT.
7326	CG: THAT ISN'T ANYTHING THAT DESERVES A WORD.
7327	CG: WE DON'T EVEN HAVE A WORD FOR DARE IN OUR LANGUAGE.
7328	CG: THE CLOSEST APPROXIMATION WOULD BE "WORTHLESS FUCKING BULLSHIT WASTE OF TIME FOR SILLY LITTLE CHILDREN"
7329	EB: oh, wow.
7330	EB: is that the title of a movie too?
7331	CG: YES, IT'S THE TITLE OF EVERY DUMB MOVIE YOU EVER LIKED.
7332	EB: ha ha, that isn't even true and doesn't make sense!
7333	CG: ANYWAY, HOW COULD WE HAVE MADE A DARE IF I'M MOVING BACKWARDS ON YOUR TIMELINE.
7334	CG: YOU WOULD DARE ME TO DO SOMETHING, THEN I WOULD DO IT NEXT TIME, BUT THEN YOU WOULDN'T EVEN REMEMBER THE DARE.
7335	CG: BECAUSE WE DIDN'T MAKE IT YET.
7336	CG: THAT'S WHAT ISN'T TRUE AND DOESN'T MAKE SENSE YOU DAMP BAG OF PUKE.
7337	EB: well yeah, the dare never happened, i was joking around and made that up to give you hard time.
7338	CG: YOU HAVE SOUNDING STUPID DOWN TO SUCH A SCIENCE.
7339	CG: WHERE IS YOUR LAB COAT AND TEST TUBES DOCTOR BRAIN PROFESSOR?
7340	EB: i am wearing a lab coat!
7341	EB: sort of...
7342	CG: YOU LOOK LIKE AN ELF.
7343	EB: that's bullshit!
7344	CG: YOU LOOK LIKE YOU SHOULD BE BLOWING INTO A FUNNY LITTLE SHELL, AND LIMBERING UP FOR A SILLY COOKIE DANCE.
7345	EB: do you even have elves?
7346	CG: YES, LET'S COMPARE WHICH FANTASY CREATURES THAT DON'T EXIST WE BOTH DO OR DON'T NOT HAVE.
7347	CG: WHAT A GREAT FUCKING IDEA, JOHN!
7348	EB: uh, what?
7349	CG: YOU ASKED ABOUT THE RECKONING, SO WHY DON'T WE TALK ABOUT THAT INSTEAD OF ALL THESE PRETTY MUCH TERRIBLE THINGS.
7350	EB: ok.
7351	CG: YEAH, SO WHEN THE RECKONING STARTS HAPPENING, ALL THESE PARADOX CLONES GET SHIPPED OFF TO METEORS, FLUNG THROUGH SKAIAN DEFENSE PORTALS, AND SENT BACK TO EARTH.
7352	CG: END OF STORY I GUESS.
7353	CG: BYE.
7354	EB: wait!!!
7355	EB: so that means...
7356	EB: we are all sort of like superman?
7357	CG: UH YEAH, I GUESS.
7358	EB: cool!
7359	CG: YOU ALL TRACE THE MYTHOLOGICAL FOOTSTEPS OF YOUR BELOVED HUMAN SUPERMAN WHO'S REALLY JUST A MUSCULAR CAUCASIAN ALIEN.
7360	CG: IT'S HILARIOUS HOW HUMANS WORSHIP HIM AS A PINNACLE OF HUMAN HEROISM AND VIRTUE BUT HE ISN'T EVEN HUMAN.
7361	CG: ACTUALLY IT'S INCREDIBLY PATHETIC.
7362	CG: BUT ALSO IN A WAY KIND OF ADMIRABLE.
7363	CG: BECAUSE IT MEANS DEEP DOWN YOU ALL MUST REALIZE WHO YOUR DADDY IS.
7364	CG: WE ARE, BITCHES.
7365	EB: yeah, superman is pretty cool, i guess.
7366	EB: did you know nicolas cage was almost going to play superman one time?
7367	CG: OH MY THROBBING PHLEGM LOBE, WHO GIVES A BARFING FUCK ABOUT THAT.
7368	CG: JOHN EGBERT, YOU HAVE ASSASSINATED MY PATIENCE.
7369	CG: ADIOS LOSER.
7370	EB: wait!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
7371	EB: get back to me in a couple minutes, ok?
7372	CG: SD;LKFJSD;LKFJSDLFKJ;
7373	CG: FINE.
7374	You are ripping up so many hellaceous shreds this fierceshitty biznasty is getting so deliriously rudebrazen it...
7375	Ok you lost the handle on that sentence.
7376	Oh my god, is that what you think it is?
7377	This thing is so completely illegal.
7378	How could this atrocity be floating out here unnoticed all this time?
7379	You are going to throw whoever is responsible into the slammer.
7380	You always call jail the slammer when you are extra angry at crimes.
7381	There is a large elevator platform ahead.
7382	Below there is a dark cavernous room.
7383	Near the platform is a TIME CAPSULE. It has deployed a SEED, and waits for something to be deposited, and for the clock to be set.
7384	It is all harmless enough. Still no sign of any perpetrators.
7385	Deeper into the darkness of the room there is some complicated lab equipment. Again, nothing particularly unusual for this jurisdiction.
7386	There is a large monitor. Displayed on it is a small human girl in a fancy house. The date is April 21, 1910.
7387	Eight days prior, the orphan girl was taken in by an aristocratic southern colonel and legendary humorist. He recovered the young lady from a crater where a bakery once stood, operated by the man's wife, a notable baked goods baroness.
7388	There is an explosion in the colonel's back yard.
7389	Land sakes alive, we are cooking with petrol now!
7390	The colonel and his new grand daughter investigate.
7391	The impact site is where a dog house stood moments ago. It was the magnificent abode of the man's beloved pet, HALLEY.
7392	He takes a belt from the old julep flask. He'd sooner perish himself than lose that dear animal.
7393	People would think reports of the man's death were greatly exaggerated.
7394	But they weren't.
7395	This is exactly why babies should not be allowed to dual-wield flintlock pistols.
7396	An old colonel lost, but a new brother gained.
7397	Ah ha! There's HALLEY. The youngsters adore their new guardian. Good dog. Best friend.
7398	The young boy has difficulty pronouncing the name though. Sounds more like "Harley" when he says it.
7399	Thirteen years later, the boy develops a taste for adventure. He and his guardian bid farewell. His sister is sad. She will be left all alone with the wicked pastry baroness. She can handle it, he tells her. He believes in her.
7400	This all seems pointless to you, and immaterial to the crime that has been committed.
7401	Though you do find it odd that the appearifier target has been fixed over that especially stupid looking animal.
7402	You hear the elevator platform. Someone is coming.
7403	It is a high ranking agent from your kingdom.
7404	Could he be the man behind this crime? Could his intent be mutinous?
7405	You know the agent to be far too dangerous to take into custody. You hide behind some equipment and observe.
7406	He appears to be holding some notebooks. Also what appears to be a pair of juice-stained envelopes.
7407	Only one of the books is useful to him. The envelopes are useless. And he couldn't make it through more than a paragraph of the other book. Some weird thing about wizards. He discards them.
7408	The spare notebook lands on the floor. The envelopes land in the SEED.
7409	The TIME CAPSULE stores the seed, and on account of some default setting, is programmed to bloom several hundred million years from now.
7410	The capsule then readies a new seed.
7411	The agent approaches another device near the large monitor.
7412	CG: OK, I GOT BACK TO YOU.
7413	CG: ARE YOU HAPPY.
7414	EB: sure, i guess.
7415	CG: YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW IT YET.
7416	CG: BUT YOU ARE ABOUT TO START PASSING OUT BUNNIES LIKE THEY'RE CHEAP CIGARS.
7417	CG: IT'S GOING TO BE AN EMBARRASSING DISPLAY.
7418	EB: what are you talking about?
7419	CG: YEAH, EXACTLY, NUMSKULL.
7420	CG: LET'S JUST HAVE OUR CHAT, THEN IT CAN NATURALLY OCCUR TO YOU TO BE AN IDIOT IN THE DUE COURSE OF TIME.
7421	EB: ok...
7422	EB: i was sort of mulling it over while looking at all these babies with guns and sitting on ponies and things...
7423	EB: and how the reckoning takes them back.
7424	EB: and how you said our reckoning starts sooner.
7425	CG: YEAH.
7426	EB: are you sure it has to start so soon? can't we delay it?
7427	CG: HAHAHAHA.
7428	CG: IT STARTS IN A FEW MINUTES STUPID.
7429	CG: SEE THAT COUNTDOWN CLOCK OVER THERE?
7430	CG: YOU AREN'T DELAYING ANYTHING.
7431	EB: oh... dang!
7432	EB: i guess i better get off this meteor then!
7433	CG: WELL I MEAN IT DOESN'T HAPPEN ALL AT ONCE.
7434	CG: FIRST SOME SMALLER METEORS GO.
7435	CG: THEN BIGGER ONES.
7436	CG: SPREAD OUT OVER LIKE 24 HOURS OR SO.
7437	CG: IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE...
7438	CG: GO TIME.
7439	CG: WHEN IT STARTS.
7440	CG: LIKE IT'S TIME TO HURRY UP AND STOP FUCKING AROUND AND KILL THE BOSS, GET IT?
7441	CG: THE ROCK YOU'RE ON DOESN'T BLAST OFF RIGHT AWAY.
7442	CG: TOO BAD, BECAUSE IT WOULD HAVE SPARED YOU FROM MAKING A FOOL OF YOURSELF IN A COUPLE MINUTES, AND MORE IMPORTANTLY, SPARED ME FROM HAVING TO WATCH.
7443	EB: ok, well you keep saying how doomed we are and how all this bad stuff happens sooner, but you never say why!
7444	EB: what happens in our game that's different from yours that makes things go so badly?
7445	CG: JACK NOIR.
7446	EB: who is jack noir?
7447	CG: AN AGENT OF DERSE.
7448	CG: WHO FLIPPED OUT AND ROSE TO POWER.
7449	CG: HE KILLED YOUR BLACK QUEEN AND KING AND NOW HE'S IN CHARGE.
7450	EB: so you didn't have him in your game?
7451	CG: NO, WE DID.
7452	CG: BUT HE WAS HARMLESS.
7453	CG: ACTUALLY, HE WAS AN ALLY, SORT OF.
7454	CG: HE SETTLED A GRUDGE AGAINST THE QUEEN BY HELPING US DETHRONE AND EXILE HER.
7455	CG: AND THEN HE WOUND UP EXILED HIMSELF, AND SORT OF KEPT HELPING US THROUGH A COMMAND TERMINAL ON OUR OLD PLANET.
7456	CG: HE'S KIND OF A HUGE ASSHOLE THOUGH.
7457	CG: BUT BECAUSE HE TOOK THE QUEEN OUT OF THE PICTURE, WHEN WE GOT TO SKAIA WE ONLY HAD ONE MONARCH TO DEAL WITH INSTEAD OF TWO.
7458	CG: OF COURSE IT WAS A NASTY GIANT 12X PROTOTYPED BLACK KING THAT TOOK FOREVER TO KILL, JUST BARELY IN TIME BEFORE THE BIGGEST METEORS CAME, BUT STILL.
7459	EB: i see.
7460	EB: so after he got exiled and all that, he came here into our game and caused all this trouble?
7461	CG: NO, GOD.
7462	CG: EGBERT YOU ARE THICKER THAN THAT HIDEOUS JOKE BOOK YOU WADDLE AROUND WITH.
7463	CG: TRY TO THINK MORE ABSTRACTLY.
7464	CG: THINK ABOUT VIDEO GAMES.
7465	CG: WHAT'S AN EARTH GAME YOU LIKED TO PLAY?
7466	CG: NAME ONE.
7467	EB: ummmm...
7468	EB: crash bandicoot?
7469	CG: OK I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS, BUT I HAVE A FEELING IT'S A REALLY LAME EXAMPLE, BUT THAT'S FINE, IT'S NOT THE POINT.
7470	CG: SO LET'S SAY YOU PLAY YOUR BANDICOOT AND I PLAY MY BANDICOOT.
7471	CG: THEY ARE ESSENTIALLY THE SAME BANDICOOT, SAME APPEARANCE AND DESIGN AND BEHAVIORS.
7472	CG: BUT THEY ARE STILL COMPLETELY SEPARATE BANDICOOTS ON SEPARATE SCREENS.
7473	CG: SO WE BOTH HAVE OUR OWN ASS BANDICOOTS TO OURSELVES, THE SAME BUT DIFFERENT.
7474	CG: OUR JACKS ARE THE SAME BUT DIFFERENT TOO.
7475	CG: SAME GUY, DIFFERENT CIRCUMSTANCES AND OUTCOMES.
7476	CG: OUR JACK TRUMPED THE QUEEN, BUT GOT NO FURTHER.
7477	CG: YOUR JACK GOT THE BEST OF BOTH OF THEM, AND IS NOW SOMETHING HIGHER THAN A QUEEN OR A KING...
7478	EB: like an ace?
7479	CG: SURE OK.
7480	EB: ok, i think i get it.
7481	EB: but how did he do that? what was different about what we did versus what you did?
7482	CG: FRANKLY I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE ORIGINAL THING THAT TIPPED THE SCALE WAS.
7483	CG: IT IS UNDER INVESTIGATION.
7484	CG: BUT IT DOESN'T REALLY MATTER.
7485	CG: THE WORST IS YET TO COME.
7486	CG: FOR YOU.
7487	EB: oh no!
7488	EB: what is the worst thing?
7489	CG: ALREADY TOLD YOU.
7490	EB: dammit!
7491	EB: oh, hey...
7492	EB: sorry, hold on, this little lady is bugging me about something.
7493	CG: YEAH YEAH, YOU MIGHT AS WELL GET IT OVER WITH AND GIVE HER THE LOUSY RABBIT ALREADY.
7494	EB: oh!!!!!
7495	EB: oh man, i just had THE BEST idea, this is so perfect.
7496	EB: a blonde mother and daughter together, this is totally perfect.
7497	CG: PERFECT FOR WHAT, FLEXING YOUR FORMIDABLE MENTAL HANDICAP LIKE A FUCKING HEAVYWEIGHT FOR THE NEXT SEVERAL MINUTES?
7498	CG: OH WAIT, LET ME CHECK, THE ANSWER IS YES.
7499	EB: it is like that scene in con air, i will give her the bunny like i am nick cage fresh out of the slammer.
7500	CG: FUCK.
7501	EB: i wish i had a filthy wifebeater on, oh well.
7502	CG: JUST...
7503	CG: AUGH.
7504	It'll be a few more pages.
7505	GC: D4V3 WH4TS 1T SM3LL L1K3
7506	TG: what
7507	GC: YOUR BLOOD
7508	TG: fuck off
7509	GC: D4V3
7510	GC: G1V3 1T 4 L1TTL3 T4ST3 FOR M3
7511	GC: T3LL M3 WH4T HUM4N BLOOD T4ST3S L1K3
7512	GC: 1V3 B33N SO CUR1OUS >:]
7513	TG: youre the annoying blind one arent you
7514	GC: Y34H
7515	TG: dave told me about you
7516	GC: GOD
7517	GC: TOO M4NY D4V3S
7518	GC: 1TS L1K3 TH1S B1G 4SSHOL3 4ND COOL GUY P4RTY
7519	GC: BUT SOM3ON3 FORGOT TO 1NV1T3 4LL TH3 COOL GUYS
7520	GC: >;]
7521	TG: man im telling you burns like that are unreal
7522	TG: where do you even get a burn thats that sick
7523	GC: I B3T YOU C4NT W41T TO B3 4 US3L3SS P13C3 OF SH1T 4LL D4Y 4ND F4LL DOWN 4LL TH3S3 BURNS
7524	TG: no you messed that up
7525	GC: D4V3 D4V3
7526	GC: 1S TH1S YOU
7527	GC: http://tinyurl.com/PUR3D4V3
7528	TG: uh
7529	GC: PFF4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H
7530	GC: H4H4H4H4H4H4H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3
7531	TG: did you try to draw shades on his face and miss
7532	TG: whats even the point hes already wearing shades
7533	GC: H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4
7534	GC: 1TS SO P3RF3CT TH4T 1S SO YOU
7535	GC: H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H
7536	TG: this is moronic
7537	GC: D4V3 T3LL M3 WH4T YOUR BLOOD SM3LLS L1K3
7538	GC: OR 1LL M4K3 4NOTH3R ON3
7539	GC: 4ND 1 KNOW TH3S3 HURT YOUR F33L1NGS
7540	GC: >:D
7541	TG: i dont know what it smells like or tastes like
7542	TG: but i sure as hell know what it looks like
7543	TG: like a fuckin symphony on my retinas
7544	TG: shit is beautiful like a little vermilion picnic on my hands
7545	TG: every day i open my eyes i find poetry in even the simplest things
7546	TG: just one of those little joys in life you take for granted you know
7547	TG: this miraculous gift of vision
7548	GC: D4V3 D4V3
7549	GC: CH3CK 1T OUT
7550	GC: 1 F1GUR3D 1T OUT
7551	GC: TH1S H4S GOT TO B3 YOU!
7552	GC: http://tinyurl.com/TH1S1SSOOOOD4V3
7553	GC: 444444444H4H4HH4H4H4H44H444H4HH4H4H4H4H4
7554	GC: H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H33H3H3H3H34H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4
7555	TG: i could give myself a hernia trying to be as big a douche as that guy
7556	TG: i could try but it would wind up like a motorcycle stunt gone horribly wrong
7557	TG: my broken body would flop and tumble around like a rag doll
7558	GC: H4H4H4H4H4H4HH4H4H4H4H4H4H4H44H4H4H4H4H
7559	GC: OH GOD 1 C4NT BR34TH3!!!!
7560	TG: and yet as much as that guys the tooliest dude i could ever hope to meet he and i would still get along famously
7561	TG: cause we can both see
7562	GC: H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H333H3H3H3H3H
7563	GC: H4H4H44H4H4H
7564	TG: just him and me
7565	TG: havin a see party
7566	TG: like a couple of eagle eyed bros peepin shit up into the wee hours
7567	GC: D4V3
7568	GC: C4N 1 COM3 TO YOUR S33 P4RTY?
7569	TG: i guess but youll have to be careful not to stumble around bumping into all the gorgeous masterpieces hanging around everywhere
7570	TG: god so beautiful to look at with my perfect eyesight
7571	GC: C4N 1 L1CK TH3 P41NT1NGS?
7572	TG: yeah thats fine
7573	AT: jADE, hI, iS YOUR ROBOT NEARBY,
7574	GG: ummmmmm.....
7575	AT: wHERE YOU CAN TYPE, bECAUSE YOU ARE ASLEEP,
7576	GG: oh! yes it appears so!!!
7577	AT: oK, uHH, iN THAT CASE, aRE YOU HAVING A PLEASANT NAP,
7578	GG: i guess! ive been pretty busy here
7579	GG: ive had to stay asleep for a long time because john is supposed to wake up soon
7580	GG: but he just wont wake up!!!!!
7581	GG: im pretty sure im supposed to be the one to wake him but i dont know what to do :(
7582	AT: uHHHHH,
7583	GG: huh??
7584	AT: oHH, sORRY,
7585	AT: i WAS LOOKING TO SEE IF i COULD SEE HIM BE AWAKE IN THE FUTURE,
7586	AT: bUT i CANT SEE IN HIS DREAMS, oR ANYTHING,
7587	GG: oh......
7588	GG: well thanks for trying anyway!
7589	AT: bUT YOU WILL WAKE UP SOON, iT LOOKS LIKE,
7590	AT: sO MAYBE THIS MEANS YOU HAVE SUCCESS,
7591	GG: i hope so!
7592	GG: what am i doing when i wake up?
7593	AT: oH, gOODNESS, tHERE IS SO MUCH GOING ON, aND THERE IS A LOT OF TROUBLE THAT YOU ARE IN,
7594	GG: oh no!!!!!
7595	AT: bUT, wHAT IT COMES DOWN TO IS, iS THAT YOU DON'T HAVE MUCH TIME ANYWAY,
7596	AT: tHIS IS YOUR LAST DAY,
7597	AT: bEFORE YOU MAKE THE RIFT,
7598	AT: aND THEN i CAN'T SEE WHAT HAPPENS AFTER THAT, aNYMORE,
7599	AT: wHICH IS OK, wITH ME, bECAUSE, tO BE HONEST,
7600	AT: sEEING YOUR WHOLE BIG CONFUSING FUTURE AND PAST IS, kIND OF OVERWHELMING,
7601	GG: yes i know what you mean....
7602	AT: iTS SO COMPLICATED, aND, i DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT i SHOULD BE ACCOMPLISHING,
7603	AT: i THINK,
7604	AT: uSING THESE GADGETS AND THINGS, aND MY TIME LINE ADVANTAGES, tO PLAY PRANKS ON YOU,
7605	GG: that sounds like it would be fun!
7606	GG: but you guys never even played pranks on me, you were always just kinda mean D:
7607	AT: sORRY, }:(
7608	AT: i THINK,
7609	AT: tHE IDIOTIC THING ABOUT TROLLIAN IS,
7610	AT: iF YOU USE IT TO TROLL PEOPLE, i THINK YOU ARE JUST AS LIKELY TO GET TROLLED YOURSELF,
7611	AT: mAYBE EVEN MORE BADLY,
7612	AT: wHICH i THINK IS WHAT IS GOING ON HERE, jUST BETWEEN YOU AND ME,
7613	GG: well i know i havent trolled you guys!
7614	GG: or not yet.........
7615	GG: heheheh
7616	AT: nO,
7617	AT: bUT YOU SORT OF ARE,
7618	AT: mY FRIEND IS GOING CRAZY, hE WANTS TO TALK TO YOU,
7619	AT: hE LEFT YOU A MESSAGE, a LONG TIME AGO ON YOUR TIME LINE,
7620	AT: tO TALK TO HIM, wHEN YOUR ROBOT BLOWS UP,
7621	GG: oh yeah!
7622	GG: i totally forgot about that
7623	GG: does it really blow up or was that another trick?
7624	AT: uHHHH,
7625	AT: i DON'T KNOW, i CAN'T SEE IT BLOW UP IN YOUR FUTURE,
7626	AT: nOT ON SCREEN,
7627	AT: i MEAN,
7628	AT: tHERE ARE LOTS OF EXPLOSIONS, aLL THE TIME, aNYWAY,
7629	AT: tOO MANY EXPLOSIONS,
7630	GG: hmmmmm
7631	GG: you could ask me in the future!
7632	AT: oK, i WILL ASK,
7633	AT: oK,
7634	AT: yOU SAID, yES, iT DID BLOW UP, aND YOU TALKED TO HIM,
7635	AT: aND, uHHH,
7636	AT: tHEN YOU SAID HE WAS ACTUALLY A PRETTY NICE GUY, wHICH i THOUGHT WAS WEIRD,
7637	GG: is he not a nice guy?
7638	AT: nOT, rEALLY,
7639	GG: hmmm....
7640	GG: well maybe hes just been through some tough times
7641	GG: maybe we should give him the benefit of the doubt?
7642	AT: uHHHH,
7643	GG: for whatever its worth i think youre a pretty nice guy too!
7644	AT: oKAY, tHANK YOU,
7645	GG: also you seem to be the only one who ever thinks to talk to me while im asleep!
7646	GG: why is that?
7647	AT: oH, i GUESS,
7648	AT: tHAT IT MAKES SENSE,
7649	AT: bECAUSE YOU HAVE A ROBOT, tO LET YOU SAY THINGS THAT HAPPEN, oN PROSPIT,
7650	AT: aND i'M CURIOUS,
7651	AT: bECAUSE THE ONLY TIME i EVER HAD FUN PLAYING THIS GAME WAS WHEN i WAS ASLEEP,
7652	AT: bUT NOW ALL OUR DREAM SELVES ARE DEAD,
7653	AT: }:'(
7654	GG: oh no!!!
7655	GG: dream selves can die?
7656	AT: yEAH,
7657	GG: i never knew that
7658	GG: or even thought about it....
7659	GG: i guess it makes sense though
7660	AT: uHH, yEAH,
7661	AT: sO ENJOY YOUR NAP,
7662	AT: wHILE IT LASTS,
7663	AT: bYE,
7664	GA: Hello Again
7665	GA: Are We Friends Yet At This Point In Time
7666	GA: I Would Speculate That If We Are Not By Now Then It Is Probably Not To Be
7667	TT: Pardon?
7668	GA: Furthermore Which Rose Have You Chosen To Be This Time
7669	GA: The Stupid Rose Or The Smart Rose
7670	TT: I'm a little busy.
7671	GA: It Sounds Like You Are Attempting To Be The Smart Rose This Time
7672	GA: Please Take Note Of The Subtle Scorn Underlying The Selection Of The Word Attempting
7673	GA: Smart Rose Should Get A Kick Out Of That
7674	GA: Smart Rose Is All About Subtle Scorn Isnt She
7675	TT: That sounds about right.
7676	GA: Whereas Dumb Rose Doesn't Capitalize Letters Even When Discussing The Proper Names Of Human Monsters In Earth Cinema
7677	GA: I Think You Should Establish A Greater Commitment To A Single Roleplaying Scenario
7678	TT: Honestly, I was looking forward to playing along and reading your Dumb Rose script for our next conversation.
7679	TT: But it turned out there was a perfectly logical explanation for it all.
7680	TT: Imagine my disappointment.
7681	TT: While I imagine yours, once you finally catch on.
7682	GA: I Suddenly Dont Understand Anything
7683	GA: What Are You Talking About
7684	TT: I'd love to explain in detail and cause some sort of time paradox.
7685	TT: But you see - and this revelation may be as startling as any -
7686	TT: I'm a little busy.
7687	GA: I Believe I Understand
7688	GA: It Was I Who Did Something To Provoke Your Scorn In A Previous Conversation
7689	GA: One Which I Have Not Had Yet
7690	TT: Yes, that is definitely a conclusion you have just now drawn.
7691	TT: The only thing left to do is ride out the next several conversations while you maintain that understanding.
7692	TT: And while I maintain the chilly facade you have grown to so enjoy from Smart Rose.
7693	TT: Which shouldn't be too difficult, because... have I mentioned?
7694	TT: I'm busy.
7695	TT: Goodbye.
7696	GA: Fine
7697	GC: D4V3 D4V3
7698	GC: 1 F1N4LLY GOT 1T
7699	TG: oh hell
7700	GC: 1 F1N4LLY F1GUR3D 1T OUT
7701	GC: ONC3 4ND FOR 4LL
7702	GC: TH1S 1S YOU!!!!!!!
7703	GC: http://tinyurl.com/D4V34NDBRO43V3R
7704	GC: FFFF444444444444H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4
7705	GC: H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4
7706	TG: that
7707	TG: ok thats pretty amazing
7708	GC: 4H4H4H4H4H4H44H4H4H4H4
7709	GC: OH GOD 1T 1S SO P3RF3CT
7710	GC: JUST 4 COOL DUD3 4ND H1S BRO R1GHT TH3R3
7711	GC: 4DV3NTUR1NG THROUGH T1M3
7712	GC: 4ND PL4Y1NG P1NB4LL
7713	GC: 1N BRO H34V3N TOG3TH3R
7714	GC: T3LL M3 TH4T 1SNT SO FUCK1NG P3RF3CT
7715	GC: >8]
7716	TG: hey speaking of which
7717	TG: where is my bro anyway
7718	TG: havent seen him at all since i got here
7719	TG: davesprite doesnt know
7720	TG: you can see everything that goes on right
7721	TG: or like smell it or whatever
7722	TG: how does that even work
7723	TG: how do you use a computer and know whats going on it doesnt make sense
7724	TG: my face doesnt make sense
7725	GC: D4V3 YOUR *F4C3* DO3SNT M4K3 ......
7726	GC: D4MM1T
7727	TG: hahaha
7728	GC: BUT 4CTU4LLY YOUR F4C3 *DO3S* M4K3 S3NS3
7729	GC: TO MY NOS3
7730	GC: 4ND MY TONGU3 >:P
7731	TG: ew
7732	GC: 1M SORRY D4V3 TH4T YOU W1LL N3V3R 3XP3R13NC3 TH3 S3NSORY BOUQU3T TH4T 1 3NJOY 3V3RY D4Y
7733	GC: TH4T 1 3NSCONC3 MYS3LF 1N L1K3 4 W4RM 4ND COMFY B4THROB3 M4D3 OF FL4VOR 4ND M3LODY
7734	TG: oh ok
7735	TG: so the dumbest and most far fetched explanation imaginable ok got it
7736	GC: 4NYW4Y 1 DONT KNOW WH3R3 YOUR BRO 1S
7737	GC: 4S F4R 4S 1 C4N T3LL YOU N3V3R S33 H1M 4G41N B3TW33N NOW 4ND TH3 R1FT
7738	GC: TOO B4D H3 WONT BE 4ROUND TO B41L YOU OUT 4G41N L1K3 H3 D1D WH3N YOU 3NT3R3D!!!
7739	TG: man dont remind me about that
7740	TG: so embarrassing
7741	GC: 1TS OK 1 WONT T3LL JOHN 4BOUT 1T
7742	GC: 1 KNOW TH4TS WH4T YOUR3 WORR13D 4BOUT
7743	TG: ok cool
7744	GC: BUT LOOK YOU DONT N33D TO B3 UPS3T 4BOUT NOT H4V1NG YOUR BRO TO L34N ON 4NYMOR3
7745	TG: whos upset
7746	TG: bout time the dude gave me a little space
7747	GC: BLUH OK WH4T3V3R YOU S4Y BUT TH4TS NOT TH3 PO1NT
7748	GC: TH3 PO1NT 1S 1 W1LL H3LP YOU 1NST34D D4V3
7749	GC: 1S TH4T COOL >:]
7750	TG: i guess
7751	GC: 1 KNOW 3V3RYTH1NG TH4TS GO1NG TO H4PP3N TO YOU
7752	GC: 1 C4N T3LL YOU B3FOR3 1T H4PP3NS
7753	GC: SO YOU C4N B3 R34DY
7754	GC: 4ND NOT H4V3 TO GO B4CK 1N T1M3 4ND G3T K1LL3D 4LL TH3 T1M3
7755	GC: 4ND ST4ND ON 4 TO1L3T LOOK1NG 4T YOUR OWN BLOOD FOR T3N M1NUT3S
7756	TG: alright so whats next
7757	GC: F1RST YOU GO THROUGH TH3 G4T3
7758	GC: 4ND WH3N YOU GO THROUGH YOU W1LL GO TO 4NOTHER PL4C3 1N YOUR W1LD CH3RRY L4V4 L4ND
7759	GC: 4ND YOU W1LL QU1CKLY M33T SOM3 FR13NDLY CROCOD1L3S
7760	GC: TH3Y W1LL TRY TO 34T YOU
7761	GC: BUT TH4T 1S JUST TH31R W4Y OF B31NG FR13NDLY!
7762	GC: YOU SHOULDNT B3 SC4R3D
7763	TG: why would i be scared
7764	GC: D4V3 PL34S3
7765	GC: YOU 4R3 CRY1NG L1K3 4 L1TTL3 BOY
7766	GC: 1TS 1S H4PP3N1NG R1GHT H3R3 1N FRONT OF MY NOS3
7767	GC: YOUR T34RS T4ST3 D3L1C1OUS
7768	GC: K1ND OF L1K3
7769	GC: L1K3 SOM3TH1NG YOU WOULDNT KNOW 4BOUT
7770	GC: 4 TROLL D3L1C4CY C4LL3D COTTON C4NDY
7771	TG: we have cotton candy dumpass
7772	GC: >8O
7773	END OF ACT 4
7774	The warweary calls another broken planet home, another cloth his garb. Land and rags fit for the wayward.
7775	A villein becomes a vagabond.
7776	An ACCURSED MASCOT is located among fallen brethren. Its visage, reviled.
7777	A RAG OF SOULS drifts from the heavens. Its owner, a mystery.
7778	A boy finds a dead friend. Her ring, recovered.
7779	The boy sees himself in a cloud. His destination, revealed.
7780	A mistress becomes a mendicant.
7781	A communication device is borrowed. A rendezvous, arranged.
7782	The slayer is summoned. The collateral, presented.
7783	The droll is beckoned. The bargain, honored.
7784	The boy finds the castle. His courier's path, crossed.
7785	The mail is delivered. An obligation, satisfied.
7786	The package is opened. Letters, read.
7787	John!
7788	From what i heartell youve been through a bit of an adventure by the time youre reading this. Thats so great. I love adventure and i would bet my bottom boonbuck you do too. I think we are birds of a feather john. I am pretty eager to meet you. Oh yeah i should have mentioned we are going to meet some day. I hear you like movies is that right john? I love movies too. Have you ever seen weekend at bernies? So friggin hilarious. Its hard to talk to jade about movies because she doesnt really know about movies but im sure you know that. Boooring. Ha ha just kidding jade you know i love you and i think youre a blast.
7789	Okay speaking of jade we spent quite a long time working on this present for you. It was a big team effort. Okay i had to do quite a lot of arm twisting to get her to go along with helping me make such an oddball present for you and so well in advance. But i had my arm sort of twisted myself to get this going in the first place. But then she came around to the idea because she can see the future! Pretty amazing if you ask me. Itll all be clear later. Gadzooks with all this arm twisting ive been getting a good workout. We should wrestle when we meet john. I love to wrestle but i dont get a chance to wrestle with anyone that much. Do you like to get into fisticuffs john? Scrums and what not? Me too.
7790	Anyway you should listen to jade from here on out john because she sure seems to know whats best for you. Whatever your adventure throws at you im sure shell tell you you can handle it. She believes in you.
7791	There is another page to this letter...
7792	There is another letter from a different author...
7793	dear john,
7794	happy birthday!!!!!!! :D
7795	even though its super late and you probably went through a lot of trouble to get it, i really hope this present cheers you up! you looked so sad while you were reading my letter. um... which is to say, the one you are reading now. i can explain!!!
7796	you see, when i go to sleep, in my dreams i wake up on the moon of a planet called prospit. by now you must know about this place! i have lived there in my dreams most of my life and i made so many friends there over the years. and you were there too! but you were asleep. the fact that you are awake now i think means all my friends are in trouble. you are awake because it is your job to help them. we will both help them!
7797	but ummm..... i know these things because while i was on the moon, whenever it passed through skaia i could see lots of things in the clouds. the past, the future, stuff about our friends, and stuff about you! now that you are awake, and apparently at the center of skaia (??? WOW!!!) you should be able to see stuff in the clouds too. maybe you already have!
7798	about this present! my penpal helped me work on it. he included a letter too! hes really funny and silly, i like him a lot and i think you would too. it took a long time between the two of us. and sure the present looks like a fun and completely ridiculous thing to get, but it is also really important! you are getting it exactly when you need it most. maybe thats hard to believe but its true! i saw it happen already. i dont see everything john, and i definitely dont know everything thats going to happen. but when i do know something, i always try to do my best to help people in the future! when im supposed to that is. youll get the hang of it.
7799	john i am REALLY looking forward to seeing you when you wake up!!!!! its been nice playing with my prospitian friends and all, but also kind of lonely knowing you were in the other tower sleeping and having lousy dreams. :( im not sure where i am when you are reading this but im sure ill make it down to where you are soon! (jeez how did you get down there??? oh well ill find out) i cant wait to fly around the moon with you and show you all my favorite places. itll be so much fun!!!!!!!!! :D
7800	<3
7801	jade
7802	A boy's grief is interrupted. His ring, sought.
7803	The toy has taken a new master. The tactician, a misstep.
7804	Check.
7805	A regulator becomes a renegade.
7806	A temple is fled. And soon, revisited.
7807	A nearby laboratory is also revisited. Its satellites, dispatched.
7808	A sleeping boy is found. Rumbling, ominous.
7809	The lab is in flight. Its exits, inoperative.
7810	Another public servant makes a sacrifice. A citizen's safety, secured.
7811	A tyrant is retreating. A battleship, landing.
7812	A grandfather mourns. A family tradition, honored.
7813	A queen mourns. A kingdom, bid farewell.
7814	Her journey through the windswept must be walked alone. Her entourage, bid farewell.
7815	A queen becomes a questant.
7816	A key is employed.
7817	A command station, repaired.
7818	There's another cloud.
7819	And inside, a dark laboratory, unused for years.
7820	And inside, a FOURTH WALL, pilfered from a bureaucrat's office and absconded with years ago.
7821	It isn't turned on.
7822	But if it was, this is almost certainly what we would see.
7823	Picking up from where we left off...
7824	I typed a really long recap. Then some other stuff happened.
7825	Elsewhere in paradox space, we examine another planet, forgotten by time.
7826	But we will strive to remember. What was this planet's name?
7827	Oh, ha ha! Nice one, smartypants. Really hilarious.
7828	But let's get real here. No more clowning around.
7829	That is much better. In fact, as it happens, your guess is precisely correct. What are the odds??
7830	We examine the planet ALTERNIA. Somewhere on this planet, there is a young troll.
7831	This young troll stands in his respiteblock. It just so happens that today, the 12th bilunar perigee of the 6th dark season's equinox, is the day of this young troll's larval awakening, also known as his wriggling day. Though it was six solar sweeps ago he was given life, it is only today he will be given a name!
7832	Six Alternian solar sweeps, for convenient reference, is equivalent to thirteen Earth years.
7833	Earth, also for convenient reference, is a planet that does not yet exist.
7834	What will the name of this young troll be?
7835	You enter something predictably derogatory and this guy gets fed up by your shenanigans in record time.
7836	This guy has a lot of troll pals and their adventures are going to be quite extensive and convoluted, to an even greater degree than one perhaps may be accustomed. He thinks that if you think that we have time to drag out every little gag and expected pattern along the way, you've got another thing coming. He thinks you should cram that sobering understanding in your chitinous windhole, and tamp it down hard with your ugly stupid looking cartilage nub.
7837	Your name is KARKAT VANTAS. As was previously mentioned, it is your WRIGGLING DAY, which is barely even worth mentioning. It is an anniversary, if anything, to lament the faults of your existence, of which there are assuredly plenty.
7838	Equally plenty, and somewhat related to that topic, are your INTERESTS. You have a passion for RIDICULOUSLY TERRIBLE ROMANTIC MOVIES AND ROMCOMS. You should really be EMBARRASSED for liking this DREADFUL CINEMA, but for some reason you are not. You like to program computers, but you are NOTORIOUSLY PRETTY AWFUL AT IT. Your programs invariably damage the machines on which they are executed, which is just as well, since you like to believe you specialize in COMPUTER VIRUSES. When you mature, you aspire to join the ranks of the most lethal members of your society, the THRESHECUTIONERS. You like to practice with your REALLY COOL SICKLE, but just wind up looking like KIND OF A DOOFUS BY YOURSELF IN YOUR ROOM.
7839	You like to chat with some of your other troll pals, most of which drive you BATSHIT UP THE FUCKING BELFRY. You have been trying out a new chat client beta called TROLLIAN, and you are NOT REALLY SURE WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT IT YET. Your trolltag is carcinoGeneticist and you speak in a manner that is ALMOST EXCLUSIVELY ORNERY, ALL THE TIME.
7840	Later, you will play a game with 5 other friends, and go on a big adventure with them. This game, for convenient reference, is a game that DOES NOT YET EXIST.
7841	But it will soon.
7842	What will you do?
7843	It is your RECUPERACOON full of nourishing SOPOR SLIME. Every young troll enjoys the cozy embrace of such a vessel each night, and the relaxing ooze helps assuage the terrible visions of blood and carnage that plague the dark subconscious of your species.
7844	It is so inviting... a few minutes couldn't hurt.
7845	Ok, this sure is cozy and all, but you can't be napping all day like a chump. Dammit, you're a busy guy. You are sort of a big deal.
7846	Goddamn slime. Now you have to change your clothes too. What were you thinking?
7847	Luckily all your clothes are the same. Trolls think fashion is stupid.
7848	Ok, it's time to get serious here. Sweet Troll Jegus. Let's get real and get down to some major business.
7849	You space out and get caught up reading the titles of the films for about five minutes. Wow these movies are great. You don't care what anyone says. Pure magic.
7850	Is that...
7851	Is that John Cusack?
7852	The thing that most people don't realize is that John Cusack is a universal constant.
7853	This movie...
7854	Ok, this one even you have a hard time defending. But still, it's so good.
7855	The best thing about it is how Troll Sandler doesn't make you want to punch anything.
7856	Like, nothing at all, really hard or anything.
7857	You grab your trusty SICKLE with your ENCRYPTION MODUS. To retrieve it, you'll need to hack the code to open the CARD VAULT left behind.
7858	This will obviously prove to be a completely ridiculous and untenable way of managing an inventory, and lead to a great many follies. Later on, you would swap your modus with your hacker friend, a guy who unlike you happens to be competent with programming. It would only make sense.
7859	But for the time being it makes your life kind of a nightmare. There are so many stupid things that happen because of this modus. So many, you just have no idea.
7860	GOD.
7861	DAMMIT.
7862	You hear some unhappy grumbling through the hole below. This was not the coolest thing you could have done just now.
7863	You make quite sure NOT to captchalogue it, and simply pick it up and read it.
7864	It is a thick programming manual called "~ATH - A HANDBOOK FOR THE IMMINENTLY DECEASED."
7865	~ATH is an insufferable language to work with. Its logic is composed of nothing but infinite loops, or at best, loops of effectively interminable construction.
7866	The above page in the intro section documents the simplest possible ~ATH code structure. Any code deviating from this basic structure will not compile.
7867	You have a whole bunch of code samples you've been messing around with on your computer. It's been frustrating at best, and debilitating to your machine at worst.
7868	You step outside your respiteblock, onto one of your hive's numerous extraterraneal landing slats. You were allowed to design this hive when you were young, after you emerged victorious from your trials deep in the brooding caverns. You have lived here with your CUSTODIAN ever since.
7869	It's almost as if your people have placed great cultural importance on teaching children to become architecturally adept while very young. It has been this way since ancient times. No one seems to know why that is.
7870	Getting to build your own hive at a young age using whatever meandering design you chose likely has left you jaded to the notion of customizing your abode. You certainly wouldn't get all that worked up about a game that happened to allow you to do such a thing.
7871	At least not for that reason.
7872	The lawnrings are empty. Blood skims the voids in your porous cranial plates, as if grazing the hollow of a threshed stem, or say, an abandoned cocoon. A sour note is produced. It's the one Agitation plays to make its audience squirm.
7873	It is your sixth wriggling day, and as with all five preceding it blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.
7874	Look.
7875	You don't have time for fancy poetry. It's almost as useless as those arm-swing flappy things on mailboxes, assuming you even knew what those were, which you don't. Trolls don't have mail. Mail is almost as useless as poetry to them. Poetry is the swing arm flappy dealy of words, and mail is the red tilty lever doodad of giving people shit.
7876	Frankly you don't know about things skimming voids or grazing hollows or whatever. You've got AMBITION. You were meant to be a bigshot. To be in charge of something huge and really important, and to be totally ruthless about it. You just haven't found the dominion in which you're destined for greatness yet. Or even a vague concept of it. You haven't found your purpose. But you will tonight.
7877	You stew in your own impotent aggravation in the cool dusk breeze. During the dark seasons, it remains dusk for most of the day. It can stay dark for many bilunar perigees at a time. But even if it didn't, you would still have this feeling...
7878	You have a feeling it's going to be a long night.
7879	You head back into your block and hit up your computer station. No word from any of your loudmouth pals. No news is good news. Sweet music to your auricular sponge clots.
7880	It's the latest issue of GAME GRUB.
7881	This one appears to boast about "exclusive leaks". They all boast about that. You're not even really sure what it means.
7882	It is a DVD of one of your favorite series, THE THRESH PRINCE OF BEL-AIR.
7883	It's about a green threshecutioner cadet who sasses up the bluebloods in his flaysquad pretty good. Their blood is literally blue. Lousy snobs. But Troll Will Smith shows them all how to loosen up. He is pretty much your hero.
7884	Troll TV shows have shorter titles than troll movies because TV is a much newer form of media in their society. Which is a good thing because it would be pretty hard to make this funny joke otherwise.
7885	Ok enough messing around time to get some work done maybe a little programming or oh god.
7886	It figures that installing this new beta chat client would open the floodgates. All your moron friends are going to be hounding you relentlessly. Not that they needed an excuse before.
7887	You wonder what this chump wants.
7888	TC: wHaT iS uUuUuP mY iNvErTeBrOtHeR?
7889	CG: WHAT IN THE SWEET ALMIGHTY TAINTCHAFING FUCK DO YOU WANT.
7890	TC: NoT a MoThErFuCkInG tHiNg BrO.
7891	TC: oThEr ThAn I bE cHeCkIn OuT hOw My BeSt MoThErFuCkIn FrIeNd Is At Yo.
7892	CG: I REALLY CAN'T STAND YOU AND I HATE HOW YOU TYPE, IT JUST BOTHERS ME SO MUCH, HAVE I MENTIONED THAT?
7893	TC: YoU SaY iT pReTtY mUcH eVeRy TiMe We TaLk YeAh.
7894	TC: but uh, i don't have to...
7895	TC: uhhh see?
7896	TC: but i mean man this feels so motherfuckin unnatural and shit.
7897	TC: YoU jUsT gOt To Be GoInG wItH wHaT fEeLs RiGhT aT wHeRe YoUr HeArT's Up In, YoU kNoW?
7898	TC: bEsT fRiEnD.
7899	CG: I WONDER WHAT KIND OF SHITTY THING I DID TO DESERVE SUCH AN AWFUL BEST FRIEND.
7900	CG: OR MAYBE WHAT TERRIBLE THING I'M GOING TO DO AND GET PUNISHED FOR IN ADVANCE.
7901	CG: MAYBE I'M JUST LIKE PREEMPTIVELY THE WORST FUCKING PIECE OF TRASH WHO EVER LIVED AND DON'T EVEN KNOW IT YET, BUT HEY LOOK, YOUR FRIENDSHIP IS EXHIBIT A I GUESS.
7902	TC: It'S sUcH a BeAuTiFuL tHiNg.
7903	TC: ThIs TrOlL dIsEaSe CaLlEd FrIeNdShIp.
7904	CG: FRIENDSHIP ISN'T A DISEASE SHITSPONGE.
7905	CG: IT'S LIKE...
7906	CG: A MISTAKE.
7907	CG: A BIG JOKE OF NATURE.
7908	TC: iT's A mIrAcLe.
7909	CG: OH NO, DON'T.
7910	CG: DON'T START WITH THE MIRACLES AGAIN.
7911	TC: MaN eVeRyWhErE i LoOk...
7912	TC: aLlS i SeE iS mOtHeRfUcKiN mIrAcLeS.
7913	TC: It'S sO sPiRiTuAl, AlL tHeSe mIrAcLeS aNd ShIt.
7914	TC: oK lIkE jUsT bE tAkIn tHiS fUcKiN tItS bOtTlE oF fUcKiN fAyGo I jUsT cRaCkEd Up OpEn.
7915	TC: AnD hOw It'S bEiNg AlL lIkE hIsSiNg AnD sHiT.
7916	TC: mOtHeRfUcKiN hIsSiNg MaN, wHo WeNt AlL aNd ToLd It To Do ThAt?
7917	TC: HoW wOuLd It EvEn Do ThAt, It'S cRaZy.
7918	TC: iT's A mIrAcLe.
7919	CG: IT'S CARBONATION YOU IGNORANT DOUCHE.
7920	CG: TRY GETTING SCHOOLFED SOME TIME INSTEAD OF SLURPING DOWN THAT WEIRD SWILL ALL DAY AND FONDLING YOUR STUPID HORNS.
7921	TC: No No BrO, i DoN't WaNnA kNoW, dOn'T eVeN tElL mE.
7922	TC: kNoWiNg ShIt JuSt StEaLs Up AlL tHe FuCkIn MaGiC fRoM mY mIrAcLeS lIkE a MoThErFuCkIn ThIeF.
7923	TC: AnD tHaT aIn'T cOoL.
7924	CG: THE ONLY MIRACLE IS THAT YOU LIKE THAT DISGUSTING SLUDGE, WHERE DO YOU EVEN GET THAT STUFF.
7925	CG: IT'S ALSO A MIRACLE HOW YOU DRESS LIKE AN IMBECILE AND ARE BASICALLY THE STUPIDEST ASSHOLE I'VE EVER KNOWN.
7926	CG: ACTUALLY YOU'RE RIGHT, THERE ARE MIRACLES EVERYWHERE, I'VE BEEN A FOOL.
7927	TC: sEe MaN, i Am StRaIgHt Up TeLlInG yOu.
7928	TC: MiRaClEs.
7929	TC: iT's LiKe, AlRiGhT, cOmPuTeRs, RiGhT?
7930	TC: WhAt ThE fUcK?
7931	TC: mIrAcLeS iS wHaT.
7932	CG: FUCK YOU.
7933	CG: FUCK YOU FOR ME JUST READING THAT.
7934	TC: AnYwAy WhAt'S uP wItH yOuR bAd SeLf, FoR sErIoUs HeRe.
7935	TC: iSn'T sOmEtHiNg BiG aLl GoInG dOwN?
7936	CG: WHAT?
7937	TC: i HeArD sOmEtHiNg bIg WaS gOiNg AlL dOwN.
7938	TC: JuSt AlL bE tElLiNg Me AlL wHaT mOtHeRfUcKiN iT's Up AnD aLl AbOuT.
7939	CG: STOP SAYING ALL. ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT TA'S THING?
7940	TC: yEaH!! fUcK yEaH mAn, So MyStErIoUs.
7941	TC: I'm NeVeR bEiNg GeTtInG cEaSeD tO bE aMaZeD bY aLl ThEsE fUcKiN mYsTeRiEs LiFe'S gOt FoR uS.
7942	CG: UUUUUUGH.
7943	CG: ANYWAY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S UP WITH THAT.
7944	CG: MAYBE I'LL TALK TO HIM TONIGHT ABOUT IT. MAYBE I WON'T.
7945	CG: IT'S PROBABLY JUST ANOTHER ONE OF HIS PROJECTS THAT WINDS UP BEING COMPLETELY USELESS AND A HUGE WASTE OF MY TIME.
7946	TC: yEaH mAyBe BuT hE's YoUr BeSt FrIeNd ThOuGh So It'S aLl CoOl.
7947	TC: AnYwAy I tHoUgHt ThIs SoUnDeD lIkE a PrEtTy BiG mOtHeRfUcKiN dEaL mY mAn.
7948	TC: aAaUuUhHh...
7949	CG: WHAT.
7950	TC: Aw BrO nEvErMiNd, I jUsT fUcKiN dId LiKe To ScArE tHe ShIt OuTtA mYsElF hErE.
7951	TC: tHeSe DaMn HoRnS.
7952	CG: YOU'VE GOT TO GET RID OF THOSE THINGS.
7953	CG: THEY MAKE IT MORE EMBARRASSING TO KNOW YOU.
7954	CG: WHICH IS A FRIGGIN MIRACLE THAT THAT'S EVEN POSSIBLE.
7955	CG: LIKE, WOW, GOD SURE COOKED UP A DOOZY THERE.
7956	CG: TWINKLY EYED SON OF A BITCH JUST KEEPS YOU GUESSING, DOESN'T HE.
7957	TC: MaN yOu KnOw YoU wAnNa GiVe My HoRnS a GoOd SqUeEzE. :o)
7958	CG: ACTUALLY YOU KNOW WHAT WILL BE THE MIRACLE TO END ALL MIRACLES?
7959	CG: IT'LL BE IF I EVER MEET A KID I DESPISE MORE THAN YOU.
7960	CG: THAT WILL MAKE ME A MOTHERFUCKIN CONVERT.
7961	CG: I'LL SEE LIGHT SO BRIGHT I'LL NEED GC TO WALK ME AROUND SO I DON'T BUMP INTO SHIT.
7962	CG: SIGN ME UP FOR YOUR IDIOTIC CLOWN RELIGION OK.
7963	TC: hAhAhAhA yOu fUcKiN gOt It BrOtHeR!
7964	Whoa what the motherfuck, who's this motherfuckin' motherfucker?
7965	It's cool, life is like that sometimes. It's full of mysteries. You'll be doing one thing then something else hits you just like that and you roll with it. That's what you do when life hands you lemons. You sure as fuck don't make lemonade because who the fuck knows where that fuckin' shit comes from?
7966	It's squeezed out of miracles is where.
7967	So what's this motherfucker's name?
7968	Your name is GAMZEE MAKARA.
7969	You get pretty excited by CLOWNS OF A GRIM PERSUASION WHICH MAY NOT BE IN FULL POSSESSION OF THEIR MENTAL FACULTIES. You belong to a RATHER OBSCURE CULT, which foretells of a BAND OF ROWDY AND CAPRICIOUS MINSTRELS which will rise one day on a MYTHICAL PARADISE PLANET that does not exist yet. The beliefs of this cult are SOMEWHAT FROWNED UPON by those dwelling in more common lawnrings. But you don't care, you got to be going with what feels right at where your heart's up in, you know? You like to practice on your ONE WHEEL DEVICE, which you are GOD AWFUL AT because your FEET DO NOT REACH THE PEDALS. You enjoy a FINE BEVERAGE, and like to do A LITTLE BAKING SOMETIMES. You've got ALL THESE HORNS all over the place, and sometimes you step on them and SCARE THE SHIT OUT OF YOURSELF.
7970	You like to chat a lot with your pal Karkat, who is usually pretty cranky, but he is your BEST FRIEND. You have a lot of OTHER GREAT FRIENDS who you also like a lot. Your trolltag is terminallyCapricious and you speak in a manner that is JuSt A lItTlE bIt WhImSiCaL.
7971	What will you do?
7972	You snag a bottle of FAYGO. To consume the beverage is what your fellow devotees refer to as KICKIN' THE WICKED ELIXIR.
7973	It is captchalogued through your MIRACLE MODUS. You have absolutely no idea how this thing works.
7974	And you don't want to know.
7975	You take your HUSKTOP.
7976	Sometimes you just like to pick stuff up and watch the colors. It's so beautiful. Life is beautiful.
7977	You decide to give this diabolical contraption another shot. Maybe one of these days you will get one more suited to your proportions. For now this is all you have to work with.
7978	You just have to figure out how to stay on the thing without flying off the handle.
7979	You do some sort of acrobatic fucking pirouette off the handle and into a big pile of horns.
7980	It is still piping hot but you can't help yourself. You sneak a taste of the SOPOR SLIME PIE.
7981	You aren't supposed to eat that slime. It does funny things to a troll's head.
7982	But you were never taught that on account of a lousy upbringing. Your custodian was always out to sea.
7983	That is where he is now. Maybe you will go outside and see if you can spot him.
7984	You grab a JUGGLING CLUB. You'll need it if you are going to go out. It is dangerous to leave unarmed.
7985	You leave your hive and head out to the beach. There is no sign of your custodian.
7986	You should not stay out here very long. The SEA DWELLERS are quite hostile.
7987	Someone is bugging you. This is exciting. You're always down for shooting the wicked shit with anyone that who'll put up with you.
7988	Now if only you could figure out how to get your HUSKTOP out of this stupid thing. It'll be a miracle if you can manage.
7989	You say a short prayer to your beloved MIRTHFUL MESSIAHS, and splash a pinch of SPECIAL STARDUST in your face.
7990	Your sylladex launches your beverage far, far into the ocean.
7991	You wonder if you can just...
7992	Just sort of reach over...
7993	And...
7994	GC: H3Y G4MZ33Z YOU W4NT TO PL4Y G4M3Z3Z W1TH M3??
7995	TC: hEy YeAh ThAt SoUnDs LiKe ThE mOtHeRfUcKiN sHiT's BiTcHtItS!
7996	GC: >8\
7997	GC: 1T SUR3 1S H4RD TO 1GNOR3 TH3 W31RD TH1NGS YOU S4Y SOM3T1M3S!
7998	GC: BUT 1M GONN4
7999	GC: TH3 ONLY R34SON 1M 4SK1NG YOU 1S B3C4US3 YOUR N4M3 1S L1K3 G4M3
8000	GC: 4ND NO OTH3R R34SON
8001	GC: G3T 1T??? >:]
8002	TC: HaHa WeLl I hEaRd Of WoRsE fUcKiN rEaSoNs To Be GeTtIn AlL aBoUt To Do SoMeThInG.
8003	TC: :o) hOnK
8004	GC: NO TH4T SHOULD BOTH3R YOU, TH4T R34SON
8005	GC: WHY DONT TH1NGS L1K3 TH4T BOTH3R YOU??
8006	GC: NO WOND3R V4NT4S C4NT ST4ND YOU
8007	GC: BUT WHO C4R3S 4BOUT H1M, W3R3 GO1NG TO H4V3 SOM3 MOTH3RFUCK1NG SH1TTY B1TCH3S PL4Y1NG TOG3TH3R!
8008	GC: OR WH4T3V3R YOU S41D
8009	TC: sO iS tHiS tHe GaMe I'vE hEaRd AbOuT?
8010	TC: ThE bIg MyStErY?
8011	GC: Y34H
8012	TC: wHoA oK uHhH...
8013	TC: ThIs Is GoInG tO bE fUcKiN iNsAnE.
8014	TC: bUt CaN wE pLaY a LiTtLe LaTeR?
8015	TC: I'm OuTsIdE kEePiNg An EyE oUt HeRe FoR tHe OlD gOaT.
8016	TC: yOu KnOw HoW iT iS wItH fAmIlY.
8017	GC: NO, NOT R34LLY!
8018	GC: 4DURRRR DURR DURP
8019	TC: Oh YeAh...
8020	GC: DURRRRRRRRRRRRR
8021	GC: W4Y TO GO, HOW DO3S TH4T STUP1D BOTTL3D SYRUP OF YOURS T4ST3 W1TH YOUR HOOF SO F4R UP YOUR MOUTH???
8022	GC: >:]
8023	TC: sOoOoOoOrY.
8024	TC: AnYwAy I'lL gO iNsIdE iN a WhIlE, wHy DoN't YoU gEt KaRkAt To FiRe Up ThAt MoThErFuCkEr WiTh YoU?
8025	TC: hE lIkEs GaMeS.
8026	GC: OH NOOOOO.
8027	GC: GOD C4N YOU 1M4G1N3 4LL TH3 B1TCH1NG 4ND MO4N1NG?
8028	GC: 1 US3D TO TRY TO PL4Y STUFF W1TH H1M BUT WOW D1D 1 L34RN MY L3SSON.
8029	TC: AlRiGhT, wElL i'Ll TrY tO gEt In AnD gEt Up On My ChIlL rEaL sOoN aNd We CaN pLaY.
8030	TC: jUsT gIvE mE a MiNuTe!
8031	GC: BULLSH1T!
8032	GC: YOU KNOW YOUR3 JUST GO1NG TO S1T TH3R3 ON TH3 B34CH 4ND SP4C3 OUT 4ND LOS3 TR4CK OF T1M3.
8033	GC: H3LLO?
8034	GC: G4MZ?????
8035	TC: WhAt?
8036	TC: oH mAn SoRrY.
8037	TC: I sPaCeD oUt, DiD yOu KnOw HoW bEaTuFuL tHe SoUnD oF tHe OcEaN iS?
8038	TC: hAvE yOu EvEr EvEn SeEn ThE oCeAn?
8039	TC: oR i MeAn SmElLeD iT...
8040	TC: SoRrY.
8041	GC: >:[
8042	Finally some peace and quiet. Now you can bear down on your coding. This will surely last all evening, without interruption.
8043	You reopen one of your ~ATH projects you started recently. You are still horsing around with the conditions for terminating the loops.
8044	What many ~ATH coders do is import finite constructs and bind the loops to their lifespan. For instance the main loop here will terminate on the death of the universe, labeled U. That way you only have to wait billions of years for it to end instead of forever.
8045	You have bound a subloop to the lifespan of the code's author, which is you. Any routine at the end will execute when you die. You figure this might be handy for coding something to release a final will and testament. Or maybe some doomsday virus. You spend a lot of time thinking of ways to make the perfect doomsday virus.
8046	Conveniently absent from ~ATH's extensive import library are entities with short lifespans. Like a rapidly decaying particle that only lasts a millisecond sure would be handy. Or even a fruit fly or something. But no, coding with this language is all about finding ways to trick it into doing what you want.
8047	Your hacker buddy is obnoxiously good at it. He's sent you some files which you still don't understand, but you're not going to admit that. He is even better at making viruses than you, which really gets stuck in your nook.
8048	This code, when executed, immediately causes the user's computer to explode, and places a curse on the user forever, along with everyone he knows, and everyone he'll ever meet.
8049	Not surprisingly, later on you would run this code in a fit of stupidity.
8050	You don't know how he does stuff like this. What does this even mean? It's nonsense. Is it even syntactically viable?? Are you allowed to color text like that??? ARGH. Maybe you should ask him about it some time.
8051	Oh speak of the devil. Here he is bugging you about something. Time to put on your game face and pretend you don't think very highly of his abilities.
8052	TA: KK dont fliip your 2hiit about thii2 but iim 2ettiing you up two play a game wiith 2ome people.
8053	CG: WHY WOULD I FLIP MY SHIT ABOUT THAT.
8054	TA: becau2e you fliip your 2hiit about everythiing.
8055	CG: WELL WILL YOU LOOK AT THIS.
8056	CG: HERE IS MY SHIT, AND YET IT REMAINS UNFLIPPED.
8057	CG: JUST SITTING THERE ON THE SKILLET, GETTING BURNED ON ONE SIDE.
8058	CG: IT'S A MIRACLE.
8059	TA: oh no are you iinto miiracle2 now two becau2e iif you are youre fiired preemptiively from the game.
8060	CG: FUCK NO.
8061	TA: ok niice.
8062	CG: MIRACLES ARE LIKE POOP STAINS ON GOD'S UNDERWEAR.
8063	TA: eheheh makiing fun of people2 reliigiion2 i2 the be2t thiing two do.
8064	CG: THAT'S WHY HE HIDES THEM, THEY'RE FUCKING EMBARRASSING.
8065	CG: GOD LAUNDERS IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS.
8066	TA: eheheheheh riight on but let2 2hut our mouth2 a 2econd and talk about thii2 game.
8067	TA: iitll only be a 2econd really you dont have two do two much.
8068	CG: OK, GOOD, BECAUSE I'M PRETTY BUSY TONIGHT.
8069	CG: WHAT IS THIS THING ANYWAY, WHY ALL THE SECRECY.
8070	TA: well the 2hort 2tory ii2 that iit2 an iimmer2iive 2iimulatiion that you play wiith a group.
8071	TA: the long 2tory ii2 that the fate of our ciiviiliizatiion depend2 on u2 playiing iit.
8072	TA: heh ii gue22 the long one wa2 2horter than the 2hort one FUCK.
8073	CG: THAT SOUNDS LIKE MELODRAMATIC BULLSHIT BUT COMING FROM YOU COLOR ME UNSURPRISED.
8074	TA: 2crew you vanta2 thii2 2hiit2 more real than kraft grub2auce.
8075	CG: RIGHT OK.
8076	CG: SO YOU MADE THIS GAME?
8077	TA: no no.
8078	TA: more liike ii adapted iit.
8079	CG: FROM WHAT.
8080	TA: 2ome crazy technology AA dug out of 2ome ruiin2.
8081	TA: havent you talked two her about iit?
8082	CG: MAN, NO.
8083	CG: I CAN'T TALK TO HER, SHE'S SO SPOOKY.
8084	CG: I DON'T KNOW WHY MOST OF OUR FRIENDS ARE SUCH PSYCHOS.
8085	TA: probably iit2 becau2e mo2t troll2 are.
8086	TA: iif you heard what ii heard every niight ii mean WOW FUCK.
8087	CG: NO LET'S NOT TALK ABOUT YOUR WEIRD MUTANT BRAIN.
8088	CG: AND DON'T SCAN MINE OR WHATEVER, IT'S OFF LIMITS YOU DOUCHE.
8089	TA: ii told you liike a biilliion tiime2 ii cant do that you nub2lurping fuckpod.
8090	CG: WHY ARE YOU TWO UP TO THIS SECRET STUFF.
8091	CG: WHY HAVEN'T YOU TOLD ME ANYTHING ABOUT THIS?
8092	TA: KK iim 2orry but really iit2 kiind of a priivate matter between me and her and iid appreciiate iit iif that wa2 re2pected.
8093	CG: OH GOD.
8094	CG: STOP BEING SO SENSITIVE.
8095	CG: IT'S A REPUGNANT QUALITY.
8096	TA: ok how about you take your own adviice you are 2uch a blubberiing hypocriite.
8097	TA: youre lucky iim 2o fuckiing magnaniimou2 and chariitable cau2e otherwii2e there2 no chance iid wa2te my tiime on you.
8098	CG: WHAT A LOAD OF SHIT, THIS ACT THAT YOU ACTUALLY THINK YOU'RE A HOTSHOT, YOU KNOW YOU HATE YOURSELF.
8099	TA: nobody hate2 hiim2elf more than you iidiiot.
8100	CG: YEAH WELL I HATE YOU WAY MORE THAN I HATE MYSELF, AND THAT'S FUCKING SAYING SOMETHING.
8101	CG: IN FACT I HATE YOU MORE THAN I HATE MYSELF AND YOU HATE YOURSELF AND YOU HATE ME COMBINED.
8102	TA: oh fuck that noii2e iin every leakiing oriifiice iit2 got you know ii hate the combiined product of you and my2elf more than you could ever begiin two hate me and my2elf and you and your2elf on your wor2t day 2o FUCKIING DEAL WIITH IIT.
8103	CG: OK, TIME OUT FOR THE IDIOT.
8104	CG: THE IDIOT GETS A TIME OUT AND SHUTS UP FOR A SECOND.
8105	CG: THAT'S YOU.
8106	CG: JUST TELL ME WHAT TO DO ABOUT THIS GAME.
8107	TA: ok well iill 2end you a download 2oon.
8108	TA: iim 2ett1ng up two team2.
8109	TA: liike two 2eparate competiing team2 2o that there2 a better chance of at lea2t one group wiinniing.
8110	TA: and al2o ii gue22 two 2ee which one can wiin fa2ter.
8111	CG: OK LET ME GUESS.
8112	CG: THERE'S A RED TEAM AND BLUE TEAM, RIGHT?
8113	TA: yeah.
8114	TA: youre on the red team.
8115	TA: ii wiill be the leader of the blue.
8116	CG: OK, THEN I GUESS I CAN PICK MY TEAMMATES THEN?
8117	TA: uh...
8118	TA: bro youre not the red team leader.
8119	TA: ii piicked GC for that.
8120	CG: WHAT????????????????????
8121	TA: dude ii diid NOT thiink youd be iintere2ted iin thii2 dont act all offended.
8122	CG: OH WOW NOW I SEE.
8123	CG: REALLY FUCKING CLEVER, PICKING THE BLIND GIRL TO LEAD THE TEAM YOUR COMPETING WITH.
8124	CG: I KNEW YOU WERE CHEATER LOWLIFE FUCKING SCUMBAG WITH NO SCRUPLES OR SELF ESTEEM AND WERE BASICALLY WORTHLESS ON EVERY LEVEL, BUT SOMEHOW I'M STILL DISAPPOINTED IN YOU.
8125	TA: yeah ii am 2uch an iidiiot for not rewardiing your bubbly per2onaliity and iimpeccable people 2kiill2 wiith a leader2hiip giig.
8126	TA: what an iincon2iiderate knuckle2ponged a22hole ii have been.
8127	CG: I AM A HATCHED LEADER AND YOU KNOW IT.
8128	TA: ii know your fiilthy 2eedflap ii2 flutteriing iin the profane breeze that2 2hootiing out your 2tiinkiing meal tunnel.
8129	TA: ii do know that much.
8130	CG: HOW DO YOU GET OUT OF YOUR COCOON IN THE MORNING KNOWING YOU'RE THE WORST THING A UNIVERSE WAS EVER RESPONSIBLE FOR?
8131	CG: ALSO IT MUST BE HARD WITH YOUR HANDS TO PERSISTENTLY BOTHERING EVERY MUTATED SET OF GENITALS PEPPERING THAT GHASTLY HUSK YOU PAWN OFF AS A BODY.
8132	CG: HAS A FEMALE EVER LOOKED AT YOU WITHOUT AT ONCE TURNING SKYWARD AND ERUPTING LIKE A VOMIT VOLCANO, ANSWER ME THAT.
8133	TA: thii2 ii2 2o iimmature, iim ba2iically ju2t laughiing here at how iimmature you are.
8134	TA: liike ii really giive a fuck who the red leader ii2.
8135	TA: you want two be the leader fiine talk two GC about iit.
8136	CG: I GUESS THESE CONVERSATIONS WE HAVE DO GET KIND OF EMBARRASSING IN RETROSPECT.
8137	CG: ARE WE NOT FRIENDS ANYMORE BECAUSE OF STUFF I SAID.
8138	TA: eheheheh you LIITERALLY a2k me that every tiime are you jokiing.
8139	TA: ii cant even tell anymore.
8140	CG: IT'S A JOKE MORON.
8141	CG: HONESTLY I'M JUST GLAD NOBODY ELSE IS PRIVVY TO OUR CONVERSATIONS.
8142	CG: ACTUALLY WHY DON'T WE MAKE A PACT TO DELETE THIS ONE FROM OUR LOGS, I'M JUST SHUDDERING HERE SCROLLING UP AND READING THIS.
8143	TA: yeah ok.
8144	Sounds like someone downstairs is getting pretty crabby. This is not an encounter you are looking forward to. You'll probably put it off as long as you can manage.
8145	Why, who's this young lady?
8146	Your name is TEREZI PYROPE.
8147	You are pretty enthusiastic about dragons. But you have a PARTICULAR AFFECTION for their COLORFUL SCALES, which you gather and use to decorate your hive. Though you live alone, deep in the woods, you surround yourself with a variety of plushie pals known as SCALEMATES. You often spend your days with them in rounds of LIVE ACTION ROLE PLAYING. You used to engage in various forms of MORE EXTREME ROLEPLAYING with some of your other friends before you had an accident.
8148	You take an interest in justice, holding particular fascination for ORCHESTRATING THE DEMISE OF THE WICKED. You have taken up study of BRUTAL ALTERNIAN LAW, and surround yourself with legal books. You have no need for copies printed in TROLLBRAILLE, because you can SMELL AND TASTE THE WORDS. You hope one day to join the honorable ranks of the LEGISLACERATORS. Your trolltag is gallowsCalibrator and you SP34K W1TH TH3 NUM3R4LS TH3 BL1ND PROPH3TS ONC3 US3D.
8149	You are presently the leader of the RED TEAM, poised to begin a mysterious game with 5 other friends, in direct competition with another 6 of your friends, comprising the BLUE TEAM.
8150	What will you do?
8151	It's pretty hard to live action role play when there is no one who is alive nearby. But all of your Scalemates are alive to you.
8152	At least you pretend to believe that to annoy people.
8153	You prepare a new campaign for one of your favorite scenarios, COURTBLOCK DRAMA. His HONORABLE TYRANNY presides. On trial is an especially detestable fellow, SENATOR LEMONSNOUT. You have sparred with this scumbag before. Tonight he faces justice.
8154	You will play the role of the prosecuting attorney. On Alternia, there is no such thing as a defense attorney, or a defense. In a courtblock, the word defense itself is offensive.
8155	Most of the interrogation is in the intimidating silence.
8156	You don't want to slap too hard. Enough to sting, but not to bruise. It must be methodical, business-like. And persistent. You only stop when you smell tears.
8157	Mr. Senator, you smell very nice. Your luscious yellow scales are like the sweetest gumdrops to the prosecution's nose.
8158	But your deceit STINKS.
8159	Did you honestly think you could dip your corpulent snout into the imperial beetle coffers like that and get away with it?? Did you think your revolting abuse of the public trust would go unnoticed??? THINK AGAIN, GOOD SENATOR. WHILE THE PROSECUTION MAY BE BLIND, REST ASSURED THE LEAGUE OF LEGISLACERATORS SEES ALL.
8160	Oh, well played, Lemonsnout. Well played. The prosecution's key witness, murdered. How convenient! The courtblock has little choice but to acknowledge your cunning. You have earned just a teensy sliver of your respect back. For now.
8161	But wait...
8162	Oh my!
8163	What have we here???
8164	The prosecution begs your pardon, dear senator, but you appear to have dropped something. A personal satchel, perhaps? CHOCK FULL OF ILLICIT, EMBEZZLED BEETLES, WITH WHICH YOU HAVE THE UNMITIGATED CHEEK TO WALTZ BEFORE HIS TYRANNY, CONCEALED BENEATH YOUR ILL-GOTTEN FINERY??????
8165	The prosecution requests a short recess from His Honorable Tyranny so that all law abiding and Mother Grub fearing citizens may go outside and puke.
8166	As the prosecutor, it is your job to reach a final verdict and sentence the reprehensible felon, while His Tyranny watches in silence and submits grim approval.
8167	But you take pity on this miserable bureaucrat. You are feeling merciful. You will give him a fighting chance.
8168	You will flip a DOUBLE-HEADED TROLL CAEGAR to decide his fate. You do this quite often when making important decisions. Kind of like Batman's nemesis, Two-Face. Or that guy from No Country for Old Men. It turns out there are lots of badasses out there flipping coins. But those are Earth things and you've never heard of them. It's safe to say you borrowed this gimmick from one of the many, many troll things out there that's got hard boiled dudes flipping coins for major stakes. You base the habit on whichever one smells the most badass.
8169	The coin tumbles through the air. Lemonsnout is sweating bullets!!!
8170	A favorable flip. The senator exhales in relief.
8171	But, what are you so happy about, Mr. Lemonsnout?
8172	He looks a bit confused. He quivers his lowly proboscis at the coin.
8173	See? The coin has exonerated him.
8174	Coin? What coin?
8175	Surely you jest, Mr. Senator. The prosecution sees no coin.
8176	SHE'S BLIND, REMEMBER?
8177	Another triumph for justice. The courtblock is adjourned. You offer final salutations to His Tyranny in the customary manner.
8178	Ok, that's not customary at all. You're just kind of weird.
8179	It's just that your red chalk is THE MOST DELICIOUS CHALK. You cannot get enough of it. Anyone who says there is a more delicious chalk out there simply reeks of deceit.
8180	You sure had to go to a lot of trouble to do that.
8181	You take your WALKING CANE, which you use as a weapon kind of like Earth Daredevil who you've never heard of. You will use it to wallop enemies when you enter the Medium.
8182	Like this.
8183	Your nose begins scouring your chumproll through the saliva smears on your monitor for potential teammates so you can start playing. Hmm, no not her. Nope, not her either. DEFINITELY not that guy.
8184	Ok how about this girl. You like to roleplay with her sometimes via chat. You pretend you are a member of the mysterious and noble DRAGONYY'YD RACE, while she does her own goofy thing.
8185	You don't have it in your heart to tell her that your chat RPing is meant f4c3t1ously I mean facetiously.
8186	GC: *GC L4NDS ON YOUR WH3LP1NG STOOP 4ND R4PS ON YOUR C4V3 W1TH H3R NOBL3 4ND 3L3G4NT T4LON*
8187	GC: *4ND ONC3 W1TH H3R M1GHTY SNOUT FOR GOOD M34SUR3*
8188	AC: :33 < *ac saunters from her dark cave a little bit sl33py from the recent kill*
8189	AC: :33 < *ac uses one of her mouths to lick the fresh blood off her paws*
8190	AC: :33 < *and the other one to blow you a kiss!*
8191	GC: >8O
8192	GC: *GC W1TH 4 M1GHTY WH1SK OF H3R M1GHTY T41L PLUCKS TH3 K1SS OUT OF TH3 41R M1GHT1LY*
8193	GC: *GC POCK3TS TH3 K1SS 1N H3R 3NCH4NT3D RUCKS4CK FOR L4T3R, TO DO SOM3TH1NG M4G1C4L, L1K3 M4K3 GOBL1N W1SH3S COM3 TRU3*
8194	AC: :33 < *yes! ac finds that to be a most admirable use of a kiss!*
8195	AC: :33 < *she thinks that goblin wishes n33d to come true too just like any other kind of purrsons wishes*
8196	AC: :33 < *ac begs your pardon while she rips apart this tasty beast to prepare a meal for her cubs*
8197	GC: *GC 3Y3S THE B34ST HUNGR1LY 4ND M1GHT1LY*
8198	AC: :33 < uh oh!
8199	GC: *GC 3Y3S THE CUBS HUNGR1LY!*
8200	GC: *4ND M1GHT1LY*
8201	GC: *3SP3C14LLY M1GHT1LY*
8202	AC: :33 < dont you dare!
8203	AC: :33 < i mean
8204	AC: :33 < *ac shouts dont you dare!*
8205	AC: :33 < *indignantly*
8206	GC: *BUT 1T 1S TOO L4T3! GC SCOOPS UP 4 PLUMP CUB W1TH H3R GL1ST3N1NG M4J3ST1C T41L 4ND FL13S OFF M4G1C4LLY*
8207	GC: *TH3 1NNOC3NT CUB 1S CRY1NG 4ND CRY1NG 4ND CRY1NG*
8208	AC: :33 < *ac says noooooooo and looks a bit crestfallen*
8209	AC: :33 < *ac gets a clever idea to slake the majestic dragons mighty hunger*
8210	AC: :33 < *she prepares the lions share of the slain armored cholerbear for gc*
8211	GC: >:? *GCS M4GN1F1C3NT CUR1OS1TY H4S B33N P3RK3D*
8212	GC: 1S 1T 4 BULL CHOL3RB34R??
8213	GC: OOPS *SH3 4SK3D TH4T*
8214	AC: :33 < *ac pawses a moment and nods knowingly with a couple of smug grins on her face*
8215	AC: :33 < *she confirms it is ind33d the bulliest of bears!*
8216	GC: *GC 1NST4NTLY LOS3S 1NT3R3ST 1N TH3 PUNY CUB 4ND DROPS 1T TO TH3 GROUND F4R B3LOW!*
8217	AC: :33 < *but as it happens the really cute cub lands in a bush safe and sound, whew!*
8218	GC: *GC'S 4L4RM1NG 4ND SPL3ND1F3ROUS G1RTH S3TTL3S OV3R THE SUCCUL3NT CHOL3RB34R ST34K*
8219	GC: *WH3N SH3 F1N1SH3S TH3 S4VORY R3D M34T SH3 L1FTS H3R PROUD W1S3 H34D 4ND OP3NS H3R GR34T B1G MOUTH 4ND SP34KS TH3 4NC13NT TONGU3 OF 4 THOUS4ND W1SDOMS*
8220	GC: *SH3 S4YS:*
8221	GC: H3Y DO YOU W4NT TO PL4Y 4 G4M3 W1TH M3?
8222	AC: :33 < *ac crinkles up her nose and prepares for a really unprecedented marathon of baffling feline obstinacy*
8223	AC: :33 < *her dragonyyydy suitor will make neither rhyme nor reason of her purrplexing behavior for even an instant!*
8224	GC: NO NO TH4T W4S 4 R34L QU3ST1ON
8225	GC: W4NT TO PL4Y 4 G4M3??
8226	AC: :33 < oh! h33h33
8227	AC: :33 < ok if you mean a computer game then yes that sounds like fun
8228	GC: OK YOU C4N B3 ON MY T34M
8229	AC: :33 < team?
8230	AC: :33 < who else is playing?
8231	GC: 1 H4V3NT D3C1D3D Y3T
8232	GC: 4 WHOL3 BUNCH OF US 1N TWO T34MS
8233	AC: :33 < oh
8234	AC: :33 < well it does sound like it will be a lot of fun but i think i should get purrmission first
8235	GC: BL4R!!!!!
8236	GC: TH4TS SO STUP1D
8237	GC: H3S NOT TH3 BOSS OF YOU
8238	AC: :33 < i know!
8239	AC: :33 < but still im kind of scared of him and i think purrhaps its best to just run it by him first so there isnt a kerfuffle about it or anything
8240	GC: TH1S 1S STUP1D 1N SUCH 4 T3RR1BL3 MYR14D OF DUMB W4YS
8241	GC: YOU SHOULDNT B3 4FR41D OF 4NYON3
8242	GC: YOU K1LL B1G 4NIM4LS W1TH YOUR B4R3 H4NDS!
8243	GC: 4ND 1N 4NY C4S3 H3 L1V3S NOWH3R3 N34R YOU SO TH3 WHOL3 TH1NG 1S 3XTR4 STUP1D
8244	AC: :33 < i knooow
8245	AC: :33 < but i dont think itll be a big deal
8246	AC: :33 < ill just mention it casually and itll be fine im sure and then we can play in just a little bit!
8247	GC: >XO
8248	GC: F11111N3
8249	GC: 1N TH3 M34NT1M3 1 W1LL GO ROUND UP SOME MOR3 P3OPL3 TO PL4Y
8250	AC: :33 < k!
8251	GC: H3Y G4MZ33Z YOU W4NT TO PL4Y G4M3Z3Z W1TH M3??
8252	TC: hEy YeAh ThAt SoUnDs LiKe ThE mOtHeRfUcKiN sHiT's BiTcHtItS!
8253	GC: >8\
8254	GC: 1T SUR3 1S H4RD TO 1GNOR3 TH3 W31RD TH1NGS YOU S4Y SOM3T1M3S!
8255	You then proceed to have the rest of this conversation we already read. No luck in getting this guy to play with you right now either.
8256	You guess that leaves...
8257	Oh no. Not Karkat. You were only going to ask him as a last resort. You wonder what he wants? You will try to avoid mentioning the game. Hopefully he hasn't caught wind of it yet.
8258	CG: HEY GUESS WHAT, BIG NEWS.
8259	CG: LIKE HOLY SHIT STOP THE PRESSES THIS IS A HUMONGOUS DEAL SORT OF NEWS.
8260	GC: BL44444RRRRR WH4T 1S 1T
8261	CG: YOU'RE NOT THE RED TEAM LEADER.
8262	CG: THAT'S ME.
8263	CG: I'M THE LEADER.
8264	CG: IT'S BEEN DECIDED.
8265	CG: ON AN OFFICIAL BASIS.
8266	GC: OK SO 1 GU3SS 1M SUPPOS3D TO M4K3 4 B1G ST1NK 4BOUT TH1S 4ND S4Y W4H W4H 1 W4NT TO B3 TH3 L34D3R >:[ >:[ >:[
8267	CG: WHAT, NO.
8268	CG: I MEAN YOU CAN BUT IT WON'T DO ANY GOOD BECAUSE I'M THE LEADER AND THAT'S ALL THERE IS TO EVACUATE THROUGH YOUR PROTEIN CHUTE ON THE MATTER.
8269	GC: W3LL 1T M4Y SURPR1S3 YOU TO KNOW TH4T 1 DONT G1V3 4 CR4P WHO G3TS TO B3 L34D3R B3C4US3 UNL1K3 YOU 1 4CTU4LLY H4V3 4 FUCK1NG SM1DG3N OF M4TUR1TY 4ND S3LF R3SP3CT
8270	CG: THAT'S A LIE, YOU'RE MORE OF A MELODRAMA SPAZ QUEEN THAN ME AND YOU KNOW IT AND THIS STUFF YOUR SAYING IS A PRETEND STUNT.
8271	CG: YOU'RE LIKE A ROCKET PROPELLED SPAZ MAGGOT SPRINGLOADED UP THE ASS OF A PSYCHEDELIC FUCKING FREAKOUT WEASEL ON IDIOT DRUGS SO LETS NOT PLAY MAKEBELIEVE GAMES HERE.
8272	CG: LEADER.
8273	CG: ME.
8274	GC: UUUUUUUUHNG
8275	GC: K4RK4T 1 DONT C444R3
8276	GC: YOU C4N B3 TH3 STUP1D L34D3R 1 JUST W4NT TO PL4Y TH1S G4M3
8277	CG: OK, GREAT.
8278	CG: IF IT'S ANY CONSOLATION I HAVE SELECTED YOU TO BE MY SECOND IN COMMAND.
8279	GC: R333334444LLY????
8280	GC: SWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON >;] <3 <3 <3
8281	CG: FUCK YOU OFFER RESCINDED.
8282	GC: OK BUT S3R1OUSLY
8283	GC: 1 WOULD H4V3 SUGG3ST3D YOU B3 TH3 L34D3R BUT HON3STLY 1T COM3S W1TH S3R1OUS R3SPONS1B1L1T13S 4ND 1 W4SNT SUR3 1F YOU W3R3 UP TO 1T
8284	CG: HOW COULD YOU THINK THAT.
8285	CG: I'M AN INCREDIBLE LEADER WITH ALL KINDS OF PRIORITIZATION AND COMMAND SKILLS.
8286	CG: I'M GOING TO ROCK THE COCK OFF THIS WEATHERVANE AND THE BLUE TEAM WILL WISH THEY NEVER SLITHERED OUT OF THE MOTHER GRUB'S HEINOUS UNDULATING ASSHOLE.
8287	CG: SO JUST GIVE ME THE FULL BRIEFING, WHAT DO YOU KNOW.
8288	GC: OK TH3 TH1NG YOU N33D TO KNOW 1S TH3 L34D3R ST4RTS OUT BY RUNN1NG THE CL13NT 4PPL1C4T1ON
8289	GC: WH1L3 1 TH3 LOWLY S3COND OFF1C3R CONN3CTS TO YOU W1TH TH3 S3RV3R WH1L3 1 R3M41N G3N3R4LLY 1N 4W3 OF YOUR M4NLY GR4ND3UR
8290	GC: 4ND 1 S1T 4T MY COMPUT3R DO1NG M3N14L CHOR3S 1N SUPPORT OF YOUR H3RO1C 3SC4P4D3S WH1CH HON3STLY 1 DONT TH1NK YOUR3 R34DY FOR BUT WH4T3V3R
8291	CG: SEE THIS IS WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.
8292	CG: THIS IS WHAT I WAS MADE FOR.
8293	CG: BEING IN CHARGE OF ADVENTURE, RUNNING AROUND AND STUFF, AND FUCKING SHIT UP LIKE A GODDAMN HERO WITH A RIPPERWASP IN HIS JOCK.
8294	CG: LET'S GET CRACKING HERE.
8295	CG: LAUNCH YOUR SERVER OR WHATEVER, I'LL INSTALL THE HERO PROGRAM.
8296	GC: TH3 CL13NT
8297	CG: YEAH.
8298	GC: OK 1F YOU 1NS1ST
8299	GC: F4R B3 1T FROM M3 TO STOP YOU FROM B31NG SO D4SH1NG 4ND COUR4G3OUS
8300	GC: 4ND TO B3 P3RF3CTLY HON3ST 4 L1TTL3 B1T H4NDSOM3 >:]
8301	CG: YES, EXACTLY.
8302	CG: NOW YOU ARE MAKING SENSE.
8303	CG: THIS IS THE KIND OF THING THAT SANE PEOPLE SAY.
8304	CG: KEEP AT IT, THERE'S HOPE FOR YOU YET.
8305	GC: OK 1LL TRY
8306	GC: 4NYTH1NG TO G3T YOU TO STOP B31NG SUCH 4 B4BY
8307	CG: WHAT'S A BABY.
8308	GC: OH
8309	GC: 1TS L1K3 4 MYTH1C4L L1TTL3 P1NK MONK3Y
8310	GC: SOM3TH1NG MY LUSUS DR34MS 4BOUT
8311	CG: I THOUGHT YOU DIDN'T HAVE ONE.
8312	GC: 1 DONT
8313	GC: Y3T
8314	GC: 1M NOT 4LLOW3D TO
8315	CG: WHY NOT?
8316	CG: WHY HAVE YOU NEVER MENTIONED THIS ANYWAY?
8317	CG: HONESTLY TEREZI IT SOUNDS LIKE MORE FROTHING LOONEYBLOCK NONSENSE.
8318	GC: 1F 1 3V3R D1D H4V3 ON3 1T WOULD M34N TH3 WORLD W4S COM1NG TO 4N 3ND
8319	CG: OH THANK GOD YOU JUST SAID SOMETHING NORMAL, I WAS STARTING TO WORRY THERE.
8320	CG: WHEW BACK IN SANE LAND.
8321	GC: 1TS TRU3! >:P
8322	GC: 1 DONT COMPL3T3LY UND3RST4ND 1T BUT TH4TS WH4T 1T TOLD M3
8323	CG: WE NEED TO GET YOU OUT OF THAT FUCKING TREE AND INTO A PROPER GODDAMN LAWNRING.
8324	CG: YOU'VE BEEN STUNTED LIVING UP THERE, BY THE WHISPERS OF FUCKING BARK GNOMES OR SOMETHING.
8325	CG: I THINK ONE OF MY NEIGHBORS WAS JUST CULLED RECENTLY, MAYBE YOU COULD LIVE THERE.
8326	GC: NO W4Y SCR3W L4WNR1NGS!!!
8327	GC: MOR3 L1K3 Y4WNR1NGS
8328	GC: 1 LOV3 MY TR33!
8329	GC: BUT YOUR3 W3LCOM3 TO V1S1T SOM3 T1M3
8330	GC: 1TS 3SP3C14LLY N1C3 1N TH3 TH1RD 4UTUMN
8331	CG: OK WELL
8332	CG: SPEAKING OF THAT
8333	CG: I SHOULD GO DOWNSTAIRS AND DEAL WITH THIS GRUMPY CUSTOMER.
8334	CG: IT'S GOING TO FONDLE MAJOR SEEDFLAP, BUT HOPEFULLY IT'LL BE QUICK.
8335	CG: YOU CAN ESTABLISH YOUR CONNECTION AND DO YOUR TRIVIAL SIDEKICK STUFF I GUESS IN THE MEANTIME.
8336	GC: OK! >:D
8337	After the KNIGHT OF BLOOD'S heroic arrival to the LAND OF PULSE AND HAZE...
8338	You quickly crafted a new weapon, HOMES SMELL YA LATER. Plus some other cool stuff.
8339	CG: YOU CAN SEE ME RIGHT.
8340	CG: TELL ME WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE.
8341	GC: NO 1 C4NT S33 YOU DUMB4SS
8342	CG: OH YEAH.
8343	CG: ANYWAY, PRESS YOUR NOSE AGAINST YOUR SLOBBERY SCREEN AND TELL ME WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE.
8344	GC: SM3LLS PR3TTY T3RR1BL3!
8345	CG: THAT'S BECAUSE YOU JUST TOOK A HARD DRAG OF MY LOAD GAPER WHICH FOR SOME REASON I HAVE DISCOVERED OUTSIDE ON THIS LITTLE ISLAND.
8346	GC: YOU M34N YOUR TO1L3T?
8347	CG: WELL OOH LA LA.
8348	CG: EXCUSE MY DISDAIN FOR YOUR BLUE BLOODED VERNACULAR.
8349	GC: WH4T COLORS YOUR BLOOD?
8350	CG: WHOA NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!
8351	CG: SERIOUSLY WAS THAT A SERIOUS QUESTION?
8352	CG: UNBELIEVABLE.
8353	GC: 1 W1LL F1ND OUT SOM3 D4Y
8354	CG: WHAT IS WITH YOUR OBSESSION WITH COLORS.
8355	CG: IT'S BAD ENOUGH YOU WASTE ALL MY HARD EARNED GRIST RAMBLING MY HIVE AROUND LIKE THAT NOT EVEN IN THE DIRECTION OF THE FUCKING GATE.
8356	CG: BUT THEN YOU GO AND SPEND IT ON AN UGLY PAINT JOB.
8357	CG: I KILLED A LOT OF IMPS FOR THAT GRIST.
8358	GC: K4RK4T, PL34S3
8359	GC: DONT PR3T3ND YOU D1DNT 3NJOY GO1NG 4ROUND K1LL1NG TH1NGS
8360	GC: 4ND TH4T YOU WOULDNT 3NJOY K1LL1NG 4 WHOL3 LOT MOR3
8361	GC: PR4NC1NG 4ROUND W1TH YOUR L1TTL3 S1CKL3 B31NG 4LL 4DOR4BL3
8362	CG: YEAH RIGHT.
8363	CG: MORE LIKE...
8364	CG: ADORABLOODTHIRSTY.
8365	CG: I'M PRANCING AROUND BEING THAT, OK?
8366	GC: >:]
8367	CG: ANYWAY THIS IS AWFUL, THIS IS NO WAY FOR A LEADER TO BE TREATED.
8368	GC: SORRY TH1S 1S WH4T YOU W4NT3D
8369	GC: TH3 L34D3R 1S TH3 F1RST ON3 1N
8370	GC: TH1S 1S WH4T TH3 L34D3R 1S SUPPOS3D TO DO
8371	CG: NO, THIS IS NOT ANYTHING EXCEPT FOR WHAT BULLSHIT IS.
8372	CG: A LEADER SHOULDN'T BE AT THE MERCY OF THE HIVE RENOVATION WHIMSY OF A PSYCHOTIC BLIND GIRL.
8373	CG: WHEN DO I GET THE CHANCE TO FUCK UP SOMEONE'S HIVE.
8374	CG: I SHOULD BE THE NEXT ONE TO CONNECT TO A CLIENT.
8375	GC: NO YOU C4NT!
8376	GC: YOU H4V3 TO B3 TH3 L4ST ON3 TO CONNECT TO COMPL3T3 TH3 CH41N
8377	CG: MORE LIES.
8378	GC: TH1NK OF 1T TH1S W4Y
8379	GC: 1M YOUR S3RV3R PL4Y3R SO PR1OR1TY H4S TO B3 ON M3 G3TT1NG 1N TH3 G4M3
8380	GC: B3FOR3 1 G3T K1LL3D BY M3T3ORS
8381	GC: 1N WH1CH C4S3 YOUD B3 SCR3W3D 1N TH3R3
8382	GC: TH3N TH3 N3XT GUY COM3S 1N, TH3N TH3 N3XT
8383	GC: 4ND YOU BR1NG TH3 L4ST ON3 1N
8384	CG: WHOA WAIT, WHAT?
8385	CG: METEORS?
8386	CG: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT.
8387	CG: WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH METEORS.
8388	GC: OH BOY YOU N33D TO G3T W1TH TH3 PROGR4M K4RK4T
8389	GC: H4V3 YOU T4LK3D TO 44
8390	CG: 44 WHAT?
8391	GC: 4POC4LYPS34R1S3N SORRY
8392	CG: NO, OF COURSE NOT.
8393	GC: OR T4
8394	GC: OR 4G 1 GU3SS
8395	GC: OR C4
8396	GC: R34LLY TH3R3S L1K3 TH1S WHOL3 CONSP1R4CY 4BOUT TH1S
8397	GC: 4S 1M F1ND1NG OUT
8398	CG: WELL WHY DON'T YOU JUST TELL ME SO I DON'T HAVE TO TALK TO ANY OF THOSE DOUBLETALKING ASSHOLES.
8399	GC: 1 C4NT!
8400	GC: 1 GOTT4 ST3P OUT OF TH3 TR33 FOR 4 MOM3NT
8401	GC: WH3N 1 COM3 B4CK 1 W1LL 3NT3R TH3 G4M3
8402	GC: CY4!
8403	You're not sure why you did that, really.
8404	There'll probably turn out to be a reason. There's a reason for everything. Understanding this lets you be reckless.
8405	Whoever you are.
8406	Somewhere else entirely...
8407	Rubbish from the LAND DWELLERS. Makes you sick.
8408	Whoever you are.
8409	We return to the Land of Pulse and Haze, so that we can rewind a bit. Before all that paint got slopped on your hive and before that mysterious hole was made.
8410	Man how'd that hole get made??
8411	(It was when Karkat ran TA's cursed ~ATH program and his computer blew up. That's what happened. We'll see this happen later. It will be startling and unexpected.)
8412	You go downstairs and confront your custodian, which is another term for a frightening beast known as a LUSUS NATURAE.
8413	Your lusus has looked after you since you were very young in lieu of any biological parents, whom you have never known. No young troll ever knows his or her blood parents, nor could such lineage ever be accurately traced. Adult trolls supply their genetic material to the FILIAL PAILS carried by imperial drones and offered to the monstrous MOTHER GRUB deep underground in the brooding caverns. She then combines all the genetic material into one diabolical incestuous slurry, and lays hundreds of thousands of eggs at once.
8414	The eggs hatch into young larval trolls which wriggle about to locate a cozy stalactite from which to spin their cocoons. After they pupate, the young troll with his or her newfound limbs undergoes a series of dangerous trials. If they survive, they are chosen by a member of the diverse and terrifying subterranean monster population native to Alternia. This creature becomes the troll's lusus, and together they surface and choose a location to build a hive. The building process is facilitated by CARPENTER DROIDS left on the planet to cater to the young. But only for building. They're on their own otherwise.
8415	The vast majority of adult trolls are off-planet, serving some role in the forces of ongoing imperial conquest, besieging other star systems in the name of Alternian glory. The culture and civilization on the homeworld is maintained almost entirely by the young.
8416	Trolls sure are weird!
8417	You leap into the domestic fray in an attempt to mollify your nannying aggressor. After a lot of kicking and fussing and gnashing of teeth and carapace, you just pull out a few CHILLED ROE CUBES from the fridge to settle the beast down.
8418	Trolls and their custodians have a peculiar arrangement of codependence. The lusus behaves as a lifelong bodyguard, caretaker, and visceral sort of mentor, while the young troll must learn to function as a sort of zookeeper.
8419	We decide to agree this conflict is not a big enough deal to warrant a detailed examination of the action, or an embedded musical accompaniment. We also agree that while that would have been pretty sweet, we are also in kind of a hurry here. But if it were to be accompanied by something audible, it would probably sound something like this. We decide to listen to that track, close our eyes, and imagine what might have been.
8420	Wow that sure was awesome.
8421	Anyway, moving on.
8422	In fact, we are in such a hurry, you could almost say we need to get moving...
8423	ON THE DOUBLE
8424	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/trollcool.gif" border="0" />
8425	There's this pretty cool dude, ok? Some people seem to think he's cool. Sometimes. He guesses they're right. I mean, maybe. If they say so. Actually, you know what? They're right. This guy's dynamite lit in a box of hot shit. Screw the haters. Anyway, he's standing around being all chill, like cool dudes are known to do sometimes, when they're not moping around or nursing migraines or whatever. A cool dude like this probably has a real cool name. Or at least a name that doesn't completely fucking suck. Like at least not the kind of name that belongs to someone you'd want to just perpetually wail on. Maybe just a name that makes you cringe a little, but you guess you can deal with it if you've got to. It's just a guy's name, it's not like it really matters. Who cares? But he probably wouldn't just tell you what it was if you asked. He'd be way too moody for that. In fact, this guy probably thinks you've got some attitude and probably doesn't want a damn thing to do with you.
8426	You could always try to guess his name. But instead of that, here's a better idea. Why don't you just fuck off and go to hell?
8427	Here, name this kooky broad instead.
8428	Ok, what's her name?
8429	Wait...
8430	You've got to be kidding me.
8431	Looks like we're going back to the other guy again. Alright, hang on...
8432	It appears this cool and moody dude had a change of heart. He feels pretty bad about flying off the handle like that, as if shit wanted nothing to do with the handle. Shit would like to reconcile with the handle, and perhaps seek marital counseling.
8433	So what's his name gonna be?
8434	Your name is SOLLUX CAPTOR.
8435	You are apeshit bananas at computers, and you know ALL THE CODES. All of them. You are the unchallenged authority on APICULTURE NETWORKING. And though all your friends recognize your unparalleled achievements as a TOTALLY SICK HACKER, you feel like you could be better. It's one of a number of things you SORT OF BEAT YOURSELF UP ABOUT for NO VERY GOOD REASON during sporadic and debilitating BIPOLAR MOOD SWINGS. You have a penchant for BIFURCATION, in logic and in life. Your mutant mind is hounded by the psychic screams of the IMMINENTLY DECEASED. Your visions foretell of the planet's looming annihilation, and yet unlike the typical sightless prophet of doom, you are gifted with VISION TWOFOLD.
8436	For now.
8437	You have developed a new game, adapted via CODE PARSED FROM THE RUNES AND GLYPHS IN AN ANCIENT UNDERGROUND TEMPLE. You believe this game to be THE SALVATION OF YOUR RACE, though you are not sure how yet. To ensure success, you will distribute the game to two teams of friends, a RED TEAM and a BLUE TEAM. You will lead the latter group. Your trolltag is twinArmageddons and you tend two 2peak wiith a biit of a lii2p.
8438	What will you do?
8439	Why would you do that?
8440	A high level psionic has no use for any particular specibus allocation.
8441	You make short work of the specibus and...
8442	Oh God, one of your BEEHOUSE MAINFRAMES. The silicomb was sliced clean through by your foolish maneuver. What were you thinking???
8443	The workers pair up and dance angry messages to you in beenary code.
8444	No!!!!!!!!!
8445	You do not under any circumstance eat the MIND HONEY. The consequences are highly unpleasant.
8446	You cultivate this honey for your lusus. It helps him not be such a complete idiot all the time. Merely most of the time instead.
8447	Nap time.
8448	You are always up to your nook in the newest and hottest games. It is hard to walk around the place without squishing them. Whenever that happens you are screwed, and you have to grow a new one from scratch. Or just pirate it you guess.
8449	But tonight is no night for games.
8450	Well, ok, it is.
8451	But just one game in particular, and this game is no joking matter. It is delirious bugnasty.
8452	TA: TZ you want two be the leader of one of the team2?
8453	GC: YOU M34N FOR YOUR G4M3 TO S4V3 TH3 WORLD?
8454	TA: yeah.
8455	GC: OK 1 P1CK TH3 R3D T34M!!! >8D
8456	TA: ok ii diidnt 2ay anythiing about a red team, or even that there were two team2, but fiine.
8457	GC: OBV1OUSLY YOU W3R3 GO1NG TO S3T UP R3D 4ND BLU3 T34MS COM3 ON
8458	TA: you dont know what iim goiing two do, 2top beiing a2 though you can read my miind.
8459	TA: iit2 not a power you have, your 2trength2 are beiing bliind and triickiing people about 2tuff.
8460	TA: and ii gue22 beiing generally 2avvy and pretty decent at other 2tuff, but that2 why iim piickiing you and not 2ome other fuckiing 2chlub from retardatiion row.
8461	GC: SOLLUX, PL34S3
8462	GC: YOU 4R3 MR 4PPL3B3RRY BL4ST 4ND 3V3RYON3 KNOWS THOS3 4R3 YOUR F4VOR1T3 FL4VORS
8463	GC: 3V3N THOUGH YOU TYP3 1N YUCKY MUST4RD
8464	GC: WH1CH 1S W31RD >:\
8465	TA: maybe there ii2 more two me than you thiink.
8466	TA: maybe ii am not the two triick hoofbea2t you want two make me out a2.
8467	TA: maybe ii ju2t want two giive the red and blue thiing a re2t for a change and not make iit 2o iit2 liike, oh look iit2 that prediictable fuck wiith tho2e two 2tupiid color2, iit2 amaziing how much everyone fuckiing hate2 hiim.
8468	TA: maybe red and blue arent that great and ii hate them 2uddenly, have you thought of that.
8469	TA: maybe iim more of an aubergiine guy plu2 whatever that putriid color is you type wiith, what ii2 that, turqoii2e?
8470	TA: maybe iit2 makiing me turquea2y.
8471	TA: maybe the new name for that color ii2 2ummer 2hiithead mii2t, have you con2iidered that?
8472	TA: but iim 2tiickiing wiith red and blue 2o maybe you 2hould 2uck on iit.
8473	GC: M4YB3 M4YB3 M4YB3
8474	GC: M4YB3 M4YB3 1S 4 STUP1D WORD
8475	GC: M4YB3 TH4TS TH3 B1G M4YB3 W3 SHOULD 4LL POND3R TON1GHT
8476	GC: OV3R SOM3 HOT SHUT TH3 H3LL UP T34
8477	GC: SO YOU TH1NK 1M S4VVY?? >:]
8478	TA: yeah ii thiink 2o.
8479	TA: piick out whoever you want for the red team and iill lead the blue team.
8480	TA: iill 2end you the download 2oon, talk two you later.
8481	GC: W41T!
8482	GC: M4YB3 YOU SHOULD T3LL M3 MOR3 4BOUT TH3 G4M3 F1RST?
8483	GC: HOW 3X4CTLY 4R3 W3 S4V1NG TH3 WORLD?
8484	TA: ii dont know yet.
8485	TA: ii ju2t know what iive 2een iin my vii2iion2.
8486	TA: that the world wiill end and our whole race diie2 and thii2 ii2 how we 2ave iit.
8487	TA: and aa can back me up on thii2 2o dont be all doubtiing me about iit.
8488	GC: 1 4M NOT DOUBT1NG YOU
8489	GC: 1 TH1NK YOU 4R3 R1GHT!
8490	GC: MOSTLY
8491	TA: mo2tly, what doe2 that mean?
8492	GC: W3LL WH3N YOU T4LK 4BOUT HOW YOUR3 GO1NG TO D13 TOO
8493	TA: ii am goiing two diie.
8494	TA: ii mean we all are.
8495	TA: but e2peciially me.
8496	TA: ii am goiing two get my a22 2erved two me twofold.
8497	TA: double the 2erviice.
8498	TA: liike two dude2 on doublebutler ii2land.
8499	TA: gettiing worked over by a 2iiame2e twiin ma22eu2e.
8500	TA: but before ii diie, iim goiing two go bliind liike you.
8501	TA: iit ha2 two happen liike that.
8502	TA: iim not 2ure why, but ii thiink iit2 liike...
8503	TA: fulfiilliing 2ome requiirement for a true prophet of doom.
8504	TA: iin order for the vii2iion2 two be riight, that ha2 two happen, and the uniiver2e wiill make 2ure iit wiill.
8505	TA: iit2 kiind of liike how a prophet earn2 hii2 2triipe2, by beiing bliind, liike how an angel earn2 iit2 wiing2.
8506	GC: WH4TS 4N 4NG3L
8507	TA: 2ome terriible mythiical demon.
8508	TA: wiith the2e awful feathery wiing2.
8509	GC: Y1K3S
8510	TA: paradox 2pace u2e2 them two u2her iin the end.
8511	GC: HOW DO3S 1T KNOW WH4T 4NG3L TO US3... ........
8512	TA: huh??
8513	GC: >:?
8514	TA: 2o yeah.
8515	TA: we wiill all diie but mo2t e2peciially me, end of 2tory.
8516	GC: BUT
8517	GC: DONT T4K3 TH1S TH3 WRONG W4Y BUT HOW C4N YOU B3 TOT4LLY SUR3 4BOUT 4LL TH4T?
8518	GC: HOW DO YOU KNOW SOM3 OF TH3 R34L V1S1ONS YOUR3 H4V1NG 4R3NT G3TT1NG K1ND OF T4NGL3D UP W1TH UHHH
8519	GC: SORT OF TH3 W4Y YOU 4R3 4BOUT YOURS3LF
8520	TA: what do you mean.
8521	GC: HOW YOU G3T MOP3Y 4ND YOUR3 4LW4YS TH3 V1CT1M OF SOM3TH1NG 4ND HOW SOM3T1M3S YOU TH1NK YOU SUCK WH3N YOU R34LLY DONT
8522	GC: M4YB3 TH4T 1S CLOUD1NG YOUR V1S1ON?
8523	TA: ok that2 ju2t 2ome per2onal priivate emotiional ii22ue2 and iim dealiing wiith that, and hone2tly iid appreciiate you not alway2 throwiing that iin my face every goddamn opportuniity you get.
8524	TA: liike thii2 ii2 a biig ciircu2 act two you, and that ii2 your 2peciial clown piie.
8525	GC: S33, GOD
8526	GC: SO S3NS1T1V3
8527	TA: 2eriiou2ly talk two aa 2he wiill corroborate everythiing.
8528	TA: you and 2he are pretty tiight arent you?
8529	GC: NOT R34LLY 4NYMOR3
8530	GC: SH3 US3D TO B3 4 LOT OF FUN
8531	GC: BUT NOW T4LK1NG TO H3R, 1 DONT KNOW
8532	GC: 1T JUST SOM3HOW 4LW4YS M4K3S M3 S4D >:[
8533	TA: ok well toniight2 not about fun, thii2 ii2 2eriiou2.
8534	TA: deliiriiou2ly 2o.
8535	TA: we are iin 2meariiou2 2hiit2taiin ciity.
8536	GC: SCR3W YOU 4ND YOUR SH1TST41NS
8537	GC: 1 W1LL H4V3 4 FUCK1NG BL4ST 4ND YOU C4NT STOP M3
8538	GC: BLU3 T34M 2222222CUM >:]
8539	TA: oh 2h11t 11t2 onnnnnn 2uck4.
8540	That...
8541	Ok that was completely meaningless. What was the point?
8542	Whoever you are.
8543	AA: did y0u set up the teams
8544	TA: 2tiill workiing on iit but yeah more or le22.
8545	TA: we 2hould all be playiing 2oon.
8546	TA: and ii gue22 leaviing thii2 diimen2iion.
8547	TA: that ii2 what happen2, riight??
8548	AA: yes
8549	TA: 2o ii gue22 you 2hould be pretty happy when we fiinally get out of here?
8550	AA: i d0nt kn0w ab0ut that
8551	TA: oh.
8552	TA: wiill you at lea2t be able two leave the voiice2 behiind?
8553	AA: i d0nt kn0w ab0ut that either
8554	TA: ii2nt that kiind of depre22iing?
8555	TA: the thought that they miight 2tay wiith you tiil you diie?
8556	AA: n0t really
8557	AA: im 0k with it
8558	AA: im 0k with a l0t 0f things
8559	AA: even 0ur inevitable failure
8560	AA: th0ugh it will briefly masquerade as vict0ry
8561	TA: wow FUCK.
8562	TA: that wa2 2o much more depre22iing than the thiing ii ju2t 2aiid.
8563	TA: terezii wa2 riight, you are 2uch a drag two talk two the2e day2.
8564	AA: she was right ab0ut a l0t 0f things
8565	TA: wow what a my2teriiou2 thiing two 2ay, ii am 2o iintriigued.
8566	TA: do me a favor and 2pare me your 2pooky conundrum2 twoniight, youre kiind of pii22iing me off.
8567	AA: but y0u like t0 talk t0 me
8568	AA: this a fact n0t a questi0n
8569	AA: they t0ld me
8570	TA: oh your 2ource2 have 2poken!
8571	TA: relay a me22age for me, tell them two go haunt my huge creakiing bone bulge.
8572	AA: why d0 y0u like t0 talk t0 me
8573	TA: oh ii dont know, maybe becau2e we are 2uppo2ed two 2ave the world twogether???
8574	TA: ii al2o talk two you becau2e iin ca2e you havent notiiced ii de2pii2e my2elf and perpetually 2eek two dupliicate through emotiional paiin the cacophony of phy2iical paiin my hiideou2 mutant braiin cau2e2 me every day.
8575	TA: oh my god ii ju2t had a breakthrough!!!
8576	TA: thank you 2o much for thii2, iit wa2 great.
8577	TA: that wa2 a joke, here type "ha".
8578	AA: ha
8579	TA: now type iit agaiin.
8580	AA: ha
8581	TA: there you go, you are now offiiciially the liife of the party.
8582	TA: eheheh ii ju2t took an embarra22iing viideo of you cuttiing loo2e there, boy ii 2ure hope thii2 juiicy nugget doe2nt wiind up on the iinternet!
8583	AA: 0_0
8584	AA: s0llux i actually w0uld like it if you were happy
8585	TA: ok. thank you for 2ayiing 2o.
8586	AA: y0u seem sad and angry all the time
8587	AA: what d0es anger feel like
8588	AA: i f0rg0t
8589	TA: have you ever been angry?
8590	TA: ii dont remember you gettiing angry about anythiing.
8591	AA: maybe i never was
8592	AA: i feel like i was th0ugh
8593	AA: 0nce
8594	TA: why dont you a2k karkat, he2 way angriier than me.
8595	TA: for that matter why dont you get on HII2 ca2e about iit iin2tead of MIINE.
8596	AA: i think his anger serves a greater purp0se
8597	AA: its part 0f his destiny and thus 0urs
8598	AA: it will help him t0 sab0tage his 0wn designs
8599	AA: which are very much in 0pp0siti0n t0 the br0ader purp0se
8600	AA: and will s0w the seeds 0f 0ur failure
8601	AA: a failure which will ir0nically pr0ve t0 be missi0n critical
8602	TA: iif you thiink we are goiing two faiil why wouldnt you get mad about that?
8603	TA: at the voiice2 2endiing you down thii2 bliind alley the whole tiime?
8604	AA: they never lied th0ugh
8605	AA: this is h0w it had t0 be
8606	AA: i have t0 be t0tally h0nest
8607	AA: th0ugh at n0 p0int did i ever lie
8608	AA: but thr0ugh 0missi0n
8609	AA: this game will n0t save the w0rld
8610	TA: the fuck??
8611	AA: and th0ugh it is still very imp0rtant even in 0ur defeat
8612	AA: unf0rtantely it is much cl0ser t0 serving as the instrument 0f 0ur pe0ples demise than that 0f their salvati0n
8613	AA: and we twelve will behave simultane0usly as the pawns and the 0rchestrat0rs of the great und0ing
8614	TA: ii dont want two play anymore then.
8615	AA: y0u will th0ugh
8616	TA: fuck that ju2t watch, thii2 2hiit ii2 du2ted.
8617	TA: check me out, all du2tiing iit liike a 2aucy fuckiin maiid.
8618	AA: it cann0t be st0pped
8619	AA: mete0rs are en r0ute
8620	AA: y0u kn0w this s0llux
8621	TA: who care2, iim yankiing the grubtube on thii2 overpunctured biitch.
8622	TA: iim telliing red team leader two forget the whole thiing.
8623	TA: iim quiittiing a2 blue team leader.
8624	TA: iif you want two 2hamble through thii2 macabre fanta2y of your2 2olo be my gue2t.
8625	AA: y0u were never g0ing t0 be the team leader th0ugh
8626	AA: which is t0 say
8627	AA: the first t0 enter
8628	TA: are you me22iing wiith me??
8629	TA: you do realiize iim p2ychiic two.
8630	TA: ii could pull 2o much triippy 2hiit out of my 2piinal creviice, iit would make your head 2piin liike dervii2h iin a fuckiing blender.
8631	TA: 2o GET OFF YOUR HIIGH HOOFBEA2T.
8632	AA: im c0ming up
8633	TA: huh???
8634	TA: up where.
8635	TA: hello??????????????
8636	TA: hey change of plan, we arent playiing thii2 game anymore.
8637	TA: you dont have two bother recruiitiing, 2orry two wa2te your tiime.
8638	GC: 1M NOT TH3 L34D3R 4NYMOR3
8639	GC: K4RK4T 1S
8640	TA: he ii2?
8641	GC: H3 THR3W 4 T4NTRUM 4BOUT 1T SO 1 L3T H1M B3 TH3 R3D L34D3R
8642	TA: ok that wa2 faiirly prediictable but that2 fiine.
8643	TA: iill talk two hiim about iit.
8644	GC: WH4TS GO1NG ON?
8645	TA: nothiing, thii2 game 2uck2 and aa ii2 full of crap.
8646	TA: 2orry about all thii2.
8647	GC: >:?
8648	TA: hey change of plan, we arent playiing thii2 game anymore.
8649	CG: HEY.
8650	CG: GUESS WHO THE RED LEADER IS?
8651	CG: I'M THE LEADER. IT'S ME.
8652	CG: YOUR PLAN TO CRIPPLE YOUR RIVAL TEAM HAS FAILED.
8653	TA: ii know, 2he told me, ii dont care.
8654	TA: the game ii2 bad new2, iit wiill cau2e the end of the world, not 2top iit.
8655	TA: 2o forget iit, ju2t go back two whatever you were doiing.
8656	TA: wriitiing your 2hiitty code or whatever.
8657	CG: HAHAHA! SO PATHETIC.
8658	CG: THIS IS YET ANOTHER FEEBLE ATTEMPT TO WEAKEN YOUR OPPOSITION.
8659	CG: TEREZI AND I HAVE ALREADY ESTABLISHED A CONNECTION AND WE ARE MAKING GREAT PROGRESS HERE.
8660	CG: WE ARE A GREAT TEAM, AND I AM A FANTASTIC LEADER.
8661	CG: WE WILL BEAT THIS GAME IN NO TIME, WHILE YOUR TEAM IS CLEARLY STILL ASLEEP AT THE THORAX.
8662	TA: oh god.
8663	TA: no you iidiiot, ii dont care about the game anymore.
8664	TA: ii ju2t quiit, iim not playiing, you 2hould two.
8665	CG: AMAZING.
8666	CG: YOU'RE EITHER BEING REALLY PERSISTENT WITH THIS TRANSPARENT RUSE, OR YOU REALLY ARE JUST THAT SAD AND INCOMPETENT.
8667	CG: NEITHER CASE DESERVES MY RESPECT OR MY FRIENDSHIP.
8668	CG: IN FACT, YOU KNOW WHAT, FRIENDSHIP CANCELED.
8669	CG: THERE IT'S OFFICIAL, BYE BYE FRIENDSHIP!
8670	TA: oh liike you havent 2aiid that liike a biilliion tiime2.
8671	TA: you arent iin any po2iitiion two que2tiion my competence.
8672	TA: youre the wor2t programmer iive ever 2een, you dont know anythiing about computer2, why do you bother.
8673	TA: the only thiing youre good at ii2 yelliing and makiing huge mii2take2.
8674	TA: and beiing UGLY AND HORRIIBLE IN EVERY WAY, AND HAVIING 2TUPIID LIITTLE NUBBY HORN2.
8675	CG: TO BE HONEST I DON'T SEE WHAT'S SO GREAT ABOUT YOUR PROGRAMMING OR HACKING.
8676	CG: WHAT IS A HACKER EVEN? JUST SOME SMUG ASSHOLE IN MOVIES DOING FAKE THINGS AND MAKING UP WORDS.
8677	CG: IT'S NOT EVEN A REAL THING TO BE, IT'S JUST SOME BULLSHIT TITLE YOU GAVE YOURSELF SO YOU CAN FEEL JUST A TINY BIT LESS LOATHESOME.
8678	TA: oh no, more chiildii2h burn2, ii dont have two prove anythiing two you, iim a great hacker, periiod.
8679	CG: NO IT'S ALL SO CLEAR NOW, YOU WERE A FRAUD ALL ALONG.
8680	CG: WHAT DOES ALL THIS NONSENSICAL CODE YOU WROTE EVEN DO?
8681	CG: IT'S ALL NONSENSE.
8682	CG: LIKE A BLUFF. YOU JUST SAY, OH KARKAT WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND WHAT I WROTE IS BULLSHIT BECAUSE HE'S TOO DUMB TO FIGURE IT OUT.
8683	CG: WELL YOU'RE BUSTED, THESE VIRUSES HERE I BET DO NOTHING AT ALL.
8684	TA: waiit, KK...
8685	CG: I BET IF I RAN THEM NOTHING BAD WOULD HAPPEN.
8686	CG: MIGHT EVEN IMPROVE MY COMPUTER'S PERFORMANCE!
8687	TA: no don't.
8688	CG: HOW ABOUT THIS IDIOTIC PROGRAM WITH THE RED AND BLUE CODE, WHICH IS A MEANINGLESS THING TO DO WITH CODE ANYWAY.
8689	CG: WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN? IT'S ANOTHER ONE OF YOUR SCAMS.
8690	CG: WHY NOT SNEAK SOME BAD CLIP ART INTO THE FILES TOO, AND PRETEND THAT'S CODE???
8691	TA: oh god, no dont run that, iim 2eriiou2.
8692	CG: WHAT WOULD HAPPEN?
8693	TA: iim not 2ure, but iit would be really, really bad iif you ran iit, ju2t dont.
8694	CG: AH HA. JUST AS I THOUGHT, YOU CAN'T EVEN COME UP WITH A GOOD LIE WHEN I PRESS YOU ON IT.
8695	CG: YOUR BLUFF HAS BEEN CALLED.
8696	CG: COMPILING AS WE SPEAK, IT WILL AUTORUN WHEN IT FINISHES.
8697	CG: AND NOW I HAVE TO GO ATTEND TO SOMETHING OUTSIDE, BECAUSE TEREZI IS DOING SOMETHING JUST UNSPEAKABLY STUPID RIGHT NOW.
8698	CG: WHOOPS, FORGET I SAID THAT. IT WAS PRIVILEGED INFORMATION.
8699	TA: you are the dumbe2t grubfucker on the planet, ii 2wear.
8700	CG: LATER DOUCHE BAG.
8701	TA: KK DO NOT RUN THAT CODE.
8702	TA: hello??????????????
8703	carcinoGeneticist's [CG'S] computer exploded.
8704	TA: oh my god.
8705	You are highly startled by the totally unexpected explosion.
8706	Karkat and his friends and everyone they would ever meet thereafter would experience great misfortune on account of the curse unwittingly implemented through Sollux's esoteric MOBIUS DOUBLE REACHAROUND VIRUS.
8707	Every troll's lusus would soon die. All but one of their kernelsprites would be prototyped with a dead lusus, each prior to entering the Medium. Upon entry, they would each have a bittersweet reunion with the creature after the kernel hatched, triggering the sprite's metamorphosis. For the first time, the trolls would be able to have verbal conversations with their custodians, and would be guided by them along their journeys.
8708	Unfortunately, the underlings and warring royalty would gain the benefits of the monstrous prototypings as well. Each sprite, except for one, would only be prototyped once. The players would learn quickly that while one pre-entry prototyping per player was absolutely necessary for ultimate success, additional pre-entry prototypings merely empowered their enemies unnecessarily.
8709	The game has no explicit rule that demands something dead for prototyping. But in practice, the kernelsprite has particular attraction to the deceased or the doomed. Across every session ever played, exceptions to this pattern are extremely rare.
8710	Why did you send Karkat that code? It was such a bad idea. You suppose it was a boastful gesture to get a friend to think more highly of you. But why would flaunting your superior skills accomplish this? It was foolish.
8711	You ought to wipe all these clever viruses you wrote off your computer. They can only bring more trouble.
8712	While deleting your virus folders, you pause on one oddball file you have lying around.
8713	You did not write this virus. You copied it from an obscure server, far beyond your planet's global network. This application is running on that server perpetually.
8714	It is an extremely simple ~ATH program. Its main loop is tied to the lifespan of the universe. When the universe dies, a mysterious subprogram will be executed. You have no way of knowing what that subprogram does. It runs on a protected part of the server. It is completely unhackable.
8715	You delete the file, but it won't do much good. The program is already running elsewhere. Luckily, whatever harm it will do will not be done for many billions of years. And even then, what harm could a virus do after the expiration of the universe? This file always struck you as quite odd.
8716	But Sollux, even with his vision twofold, does not have the perceptional luxuries of our vision omnipresent.
8717	When executed, the subprogram will summon an indestructible demon into the recently voided universe. This monstrous being with the power to travel through time is inconvenienced very little by his arrival upon THE GREAT UNDOING. He has the entire cadaver of the expired universe to pick apart at his whim. From its birth through its swelling maturity and tapering decay. In a reality he is known to have marked for predation, he will go about assembling followers through various epochs, even going as far as personally establishing the parameters for his future summoning.
8718	Sollux couldn't know that the virus is essentially a formality.
8719	The demon is already here.
8720	Sounds like your lusus is agitated about something up there. You already gave him his serving of honey today. If he thinks he can get more, well that's just greedy.
8721	You wonder what could be bothering him?
8722	You keep your enormous BICYCLOPS chained to the roof of your COMMUNAL HIVE STEM. It is the only place there is room for him. Dueling with him on the roof during feeding time is a daily ordeal.
8723	You are now one of the five other girls.
8724	You are now no longer the other girl, or any of the other five for that matter.
8725	What's the name of this dude sitting in his FOUR WHEEL DEVICE?
8726	Your name is TAVROS NITRAM.
8727	You are known to be heavily arrested by FAIRY TALES AND FANTASY STORIES. You have an acute ability to COMMUNE WITH THE MANY CREATURES OF ALTERNIA, a skill you have utilized to CAPTURE AND TRAIN a great many. They are all your friends, as well as your warriors, which you pit in battle through a variety of related CARD AND ROLE PLAYING GAMES. You used to engage in various forms of MORE EXTREME ROLEPLAYING with some of your other friends before you had an accident.
8728	You like to engage in the noble practice of ALTERNIAN SLAM POETRY, possibly the oldest, most revered, and certainly freshest artform in your planet's rich history. You have a profound fascination with the concept of FLIGHT, and all lore surrounding the topic. You believe in FAIRIES, even though they AREN'T REAL.
8729	Your trolltag is adiosToreador and you uHH, sPEAK IN A SORT OF, uHH, fALTERING MANNER,
8730	What will you do?
8731	You kickstart a rousing match of FIDUSPAWN, with the only friend you've got to play with in person, your loyal lusus TINKERBULL.
8732	You take a look at the favorable hand you dealt yourself and crack a mischievous smile. With a HOST PLUSH at the ready, you quickly lob an OOGONIBOMB and catch your adversary off guard!!!
8733	HORSARONI, I CHOOSE YOU!!!!!!
8734	With a brooding whinny, Horsaroni shuffles his mighty hooves and makes short work of the fidusucker, boosting his vitals!
8735	Horsaroni is now primed and raring for battle. Look out Tinkerbull!!!
8736	You use your awesome bestial communion abilities and bend the ferocious stallion to your whim. Tinkerbull can't stand the suspense!
8737	Nap time!
8738	Everybody wins. Horsaroni gains a bunch of levels. In no time he will be ready to breed and you can put him out to stud.
8739	Good game everybody. That was a lot of fun. Time to do some other stuff you guess.
8740	This is how you get up to your recuperacoon when it's time to rest. It's kind of a production getting in and out.
8741	You can't fit all the way in because of your huge horns. It makes it hard to get any solid shuteye.
8742	Oh great, now you're covered in slime. Why did you do this? You're going to have to change your clothes. There goes another solid hour down the tubes.
8743	Aw damn and there goes your four wheel device down the ramp. That happens a lot.
8744	After a major cleanup rigmarole and a lot of crawling around your respiteblock, you equip your JOUSTING LANCE.
8745	You like to practice your jousting outside. One day you hope to prove yourself worthy of recruitment into the halls of the dreaded imperial CAVALREAPERS. Assuming you are not slated for culling first on account of your disability. Or really any other arbitrary reason.
8746	You wheel over to your favorite poster featuring PUPA PAN, which is your favorite thing. You have always fantasized that one day intrepid young Pupa would come and take you away, and together you would fly to a beautiful paradise planet of legend, that has all sorts of fanciful stuff like pirates, treasure, a cruel villain with a missing arm and a missing eye, and these weird aliens called "indians". You have left your window open since you were very young, just in case Pupa stopped by one night and decided to splash a pinch of SPECIAL STARDUST in your face.
8747	You have had this interest far prior to your accident. Being paralyzed isn't what made you want to be able to fly. That would be dumb and would make no sense.
8748	Being paralyzed does sort of make you want to be able to walk, though.
8749	Over the course of your long journey, at one point you were fitted with a cool pair of robolegs. The guy who likes to build robots built them for you.
8750	But then, he does like to break them more than he likes to build them. It's usually why he builds them in the first place.
8751	Occasionally though, he will allow philanthropy to override misanthrobopy.
8752	You were lucky enough to have a friend who didn't mind getting her hands dirty on account of your best interest.
8753	A friend with a chainsaw.
8754	The guy who likes to build robots just stood there and watched. It would always make everyone uncomfortable whenever he would just stand there.
8755	And watch.
8756	But before that you had to scoot around in your wheel device throughout the various worlds of the Medium, and endure all sorts of follies related to your disability, which on account of their great plurality and marginal relevance we will not get to see. Just as well.
8757	Wow, look what happens when you space out and contemplate the future like that. The messages start piling up.
8758	AG: Taaaaaaaavros.
8759	AT: hEY,
8760	AG: Red team is going to 8ite the dust!
8761	AG: And I know you are on the red team.
8762	AT: wHOA, rEALLY,
8763	AG: Yeah, you totally are.
8764	AG: My team's got no use for a 8oy that can't make no use of his legs!
8765	AG: You were f8ed for a team of losers, full of 8lind girls and lame 8oys and cranky iiiiiiiim8eciles.
8766	AG: ::::)
8767	AT: oK, yOU'RE PROBABLY RIGHT ABOUT THAT,
8768	AT: bUT i SHOULDN'T BE TALKING TO YOU,
8769	AG: Oh????????
8770	AT: i PROMISED I WOULDN'T TALK TO YOU ANYMORE,
8771	AG: Whaaaaaaaat. Promised who?
8772	AT: rUFIO,
8773	AG: Omg, who's that????????
8774	AG: I h8 this guy already!
8775	AT: hE'S, uHH,
8776	AT: oKAY,
8777	AT: sOMEONE SAID i SHOULD GIVE MY SELF ESTEEM A NAME,
8778	AT: aND TO BE CAREFUL ABOUT WHAT i SAY, tO MAKE SURE i DON'T HURT HIS FEELINGS,
8779	AG: Haha! So he's imaginary! A fake.
8780	AG: Like a made up friend, the way fairies are.
8781	AG: Made up make believe fakey fake fakes.
8782	AG: Who told you to do something so fraudulent?
8783	AT: gA,
8784	AT: bUT i DON'T KNOW IF SHE WAS JOKING ABOUT IT,
8785	AT: iT MIGHT BE A JOKE, uHH, i DON'T KNOW, bUT i DID IT ANYWAY,
8786	AG: Oh maaaaaaaan, what a meddler.
8787	AG: I h8 her meddling! Why is she always meddling?
8788	AG: I don't know if it was a joke, 8ut man.
8789	AT: uH,
8790	AG: I don't think it was a joke. It was more like........
8791	AG: Ok, complete this analogy.
8792	AG: Laughing is to a joke as meddling is to ........?
8793	AT: uUHHH,
8794	AG: Exactly! That's what she just did to you.
8795	AG: It is worse than a joke. It is worse than anything you can do.
8796	AG: Next time tell her to can it! That's what I do.
8797	AG: But she keeps 8ugging me. 8ugging and fussing and meddling. What's her deal!
8798	AG: I guess it's flattering that she wants to talk to me so much though. I guess I don't mind. It's cool.
8799	AG: Anyway Tavros, you've been amazingly 8oring as usual, so I'm going to go.
8800	AT: oKAY,
8801	AG: This show needs to get on the freaking road.
8802	AG: 8elieve it or not, the 8lue team doesn't have a single player in the session yet!
8803	AG: While you guys have like two or three or such!
8804	AG: Un8elievable, I wonder what the holdup is. Oh well, let's face it! You guys need the head start.
8805	AT: uHH,
8806	AG: Ok, anyway, good luck to you. It will be just like old tiiiiiiiimes.
8807	AG: :::;)
8808	AG: Adios, Toreasnore!!!!!!!!
8809	AT: bYE,
8810	TC: mOtHeRfUcK mY bRoThEr, Im So SoRrY i KiNd Of ZoNeD oUt ThErE.
8811	AT: hI, tHAT'S OK.
8812	AT: i WASN'T EXPECTING YOU TO NOT BE ZONED OUT FOR ANY REASON.
8813	AT: sO i GUESS, i DON'T UNDERSTAND YOUR APOLOGY.
8814	TC: AlRiGhT, fUcK yEaH, iT's AlL gOoD aNyWaY.
8815	TC: i JuSt ZoNeD oUt WhEn I wAs SuPpOsEd To Be AlL aBoUt BeInG tO tElL yOu YoU'rE aLl On My TeAm.
8816	AT: uH, yEAH, tHE RED TEAM YOU MEAN,
8817	TC: ShIt MoThErFuCkIn YeAh My WiCkEd MoThErFuCkEr!
8818	TC: :o) hOnK hOnK hOnK
8819	AT: oK, tHAT'S GREAT, i JUST HEARD ABOUT THIS,
8820	AT: fROM SOMEONE i DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT,
8821	AT: bUT IT STILL BASICALLY QUALIFIES AS GOOD NEWS,
8822	TC: :o) HoNkHoNkHoNkHoNkHoNk
8823	AT: }:o), hEH,
8824	TC: hAhAh FuUuUuCk, YoU sToLe My FuCkIn NoSe BrO!
8825	TC: WhAt GoT yOu EvEn Up ThE gUmPtIoN tO aLl FuCkIn Do ThE sHiT lIkE tHaT?
8826	AT: eRR, i DON'T KNOW, iT'S JUST,
8827	AT: kIND OF THE OBVIOUS THING TO DO,
8828	AT: sTICK THE CIRCLE IN FRONT OF THE DOTS, aND, bEHIND THE BENDY ONE,
8829	AT: pLUS, oH YEAH, mY HORNS,
8830	TC: hAhAhAhA.
8831	AT: mAYBE WE CAN SLAM ABOUT IT,
8832	TC: YeAh, I cOuLd KiCk ThE sHiT oUt Of SoMe RhYmEs BrO.
8833	TC: aLl StIr Up SoMe FuCkIn HeLl MiRtH aNd RiP oPeN a FuCkIn BaG oF hArShWhImSy.
8834	AT: yEAHHH, yOU CAN TALK ABOUT THE CLOWN THINGS, wHICH,
8835	AT: i DON'T REALLY UNDERSTAND EVER, bUT THAT'S OKAY,
8836	AT: bECAUSE IT'S KIND OF FUNNY,
8837	AT: wHEREAS, i'LL ADDRESS SOME TOPICS PERTAINING TO MY INTERESTS,
8838	AT: aND i GUESS, pERSONAL MOTIFS,
8839	TC: YeAh! FuCk YeAh, ThAt Be HoW sHiT's AlL uSuAlLy Up AnD fUcKiN lOcKeD bRo.
8840	TC: bUt FiRsT hErE's ThE tHiNg WiTh ThE gAmE.
8841	AT: oH YEAH, i ALMOST FORGOT, aBOUT,
8842	AT: tHE RED TEAM GAME,
8843	TC: YeAh Ok If I rEmEmBeR rIgHt ThIs Is HoW wE'rE jUgGlInG tHiS sHiT.
8844	TC: lOt'S oF fUcKiN bAlLs In ThE aIr, HaHaHa.
8845	TC: TeReZi CoNnEcTeD tO kArKaT, sO hE's FuCkIn ChIlL.
8846	TC: tHeN i'M sUpPoSeD tO cOnNeCt To HeR sOoN tO gEt HeR aLl ChIlL tOo.
8847	TC: BuT sHe'S iN tHe WoOdS dOiNg SoMeThInG.
8848	TC: wHeN sHe CoMeS bAcK sHe StArTs PlAyInG.
8849	TC: So In ThE mEaN mOtHeRfUcKiN tImE i'M sUpPoSeD tO gEt YoU tO cOnNeCt To Me.
8850	TC: bUt I fUcKiN sPaCeD oUt AnD fOrGoT.
8851	TC: BeCaUsE i GuEsS i WaS wAy ToO mOtHeRfUcKiN cHiLl AlL uP iN tHiS sHiT, hAhAhAhAhA!
8852	AT: yEAH, i UNDERSTAND,
8853	TC: sO jUsT dOwNlOaD tHiS mOtHeRfUcKeR i'M sEnDiNg YoU sO wE cAn KiCk ThIs BiTcH dOwN tHe StAiRs.
8854	AT: oKAY, i'LL DO THAT, aND,
8855	AT: iN THE MEANTIME, sHALL i,
8856	AT: cUE UP THE,
8857	AT: sTRICT BEATS????? }:D
8858	TC: AwWwWw BrOtHeR nOw YoU aLl FuCk AnD uP aNd DoNe It.
8859	TC: yOu ArE fUcKiN wHeEl DeEp In A bIg SlOpPy MaSsAcRe PiE tOpPeD wItH mOtHeRfUcKiN wHiPpEd RhYmE.
8860	TC: HoW sTrIcT aRe ThOsE bEaTs At, MoThErFuCkEr?
8861	AT: wELL, i,
8862	AT: tURNED UP THOSE BITCHES TO PRETTY STERN,
8863	AT: sET BEATS TO LECTURE, aND, i'M KIND OF GOING HOG WILD ON THE CURMUDGEON KNOB,
8864	AT: wHICH, i HAD RECENTLY INSTALLED,
8865	TC: gOd DaMn!!!
8866	TC: TeLl Me MoRe WhIlE i GeT mY rEaCh On FoR tHiS fRoStY bReW.
8867	AT: oKAY,
8868	AT: iMAGINE AN ARRAY OF BEATS THAT SET LIMITS,
8869	AT: tHEY GOT A RULEBOOK, iT DOESN'T PAY TO SKIM IT,
8870	AT: bECAUSE, tHERE'S NOT A LOT OF LATITUDE,
8871	AT: tHEY WON'T STAND FOR AN ATTITUDE,
8872	AT: aND, cROSSING THEM'S A HABIT YOU'D,
8873	AT: (nOT REALLY WANT TO GET INTO BECAUSE, uHH),
8874	AT: tHEY'D GET PRETTY MAD AT YOU,
8875	TC: fUuUuCk, So FuCkIn FrEsH.
8876	TC: YoU nEeD tO bE sLaPpEd FuCkIn SiLlY wItH a MoUtH lIkE tHaT! hAhA.
8877	AT: aND, iF YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH IT,
8878	AT: tHEN i SUGGEST YOU GO AND RAP IT DUDE,
8879	TC: oK i WiLl.
8880	TC: JuSt LeT mE sNeAk Up On ThIs BoTtLe Of FaYgO aNd SnAp ItS nEcK lIkE iM a FuCkIn LaUgHsSaSsIn.
8881	TC: oK.
8882	TC: ArE tHoSe BeAtS sTiLl ChIlL?
8883	AT: yEAH,
8884	TC: aRe ThEy MoThErFuCkIn StRiCt???
8885	AT: yEAHHHHH,
8886	TC: AiGhT.
8887	TC: cRaCk......
8888	TC: HiSsSsSsSsSsSsSs.
8889	TC: mOtHeRfUcKiN kIcK iT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
8890	You both then proceed to have one of the worst rap-offs in the history of paradox space.
8891	You make your way through the burning woods to meet the lusus you never had.
8892	It's time for her to hatch. It's now or never.
8893	Since the world is about to end anyway, you suppose it no longer matters if the DOOMSDAY SCALE is tipped.
8894	The counterweight is the skull of an ancient mother grub, slain thousands of solar sweeps ago.
8895	The egg contains a rare species of dragon which remains blind until maturity, using its other senses to survive. It has balanced the skull here for millennia, waiting for the warmth of a meteor-sparked forest fire before hatching.
8896	In case it wasn't clear, dragons are real.
8897	While she slept in her egg, she would communicate with you in your sleep.
8898	After your accident, she would use your dreams to teach you to detect the world around you without vision.
8899	As you learned, your dreams became more vivid. Where before there was darkness, odors and flavors painted a striking picture. You found yourself surrounded by bright honey walls, and in the sky was a huge tasty ball of cotton candy, which is this sweet troll delicacy we wouldn't know anything about.
8900	The first time you caught a glimpse of this world in your dreams, there was no turning back.
8901	The young lusus would take to the sky and promptly get herself killed. This would be much more shocking and maybe a little bit more sad if we didn't already know it was going to happen.
8902	We already knew this. But of course, you didn't.
8903	The dragon never smelled it coming.
8904	She would fall to your treehive. On your return, she would be scooped up by a sympathetic ally and deposited into the kernelsprite.
8905	Then you and she could talk! There would be plenty to discuss.
8906	The doomsday device would display the amount of time you had to get back to your hive and enter the Medium before the forest was destroyed.
8907	At the time, it wouldn't occur to you to wonder whether the device was directly responsible for the apocalypse, or merely served as its precisely calibrated harbinger. And it certainly wouldn't occur to you to cast doubt on any perceived difference between those two things.
8908	It wouldn't until later, when you better understood the game you were about to play.
8909	You are now the other other girl.
8910	That's better. We can now be properly introduced.
8911	Who's this spooky lady?
8912	Your name is ARADIA MEGIDO.
8913	You once had a number of INTERESTS, which in time you have LOST INTEREST IN. You seem to recollect once having a fondness for ARCHEOLOGY, though now have trouble recalling this passion. It nonetheless has led you to find your PRESENT CALLING, which came through the discovery of these MYSTIC RUINS on which you presently stand, and which you recently DESECRATED OUT OF BOREDOM.
8914	Guiding you to this calling were the VOICES OF THE DEAD, which you have been able to hear since you were young. The voices have become louder as THE GREAT UNDOING approaches. This trend in escalation began after an ACCIDENT involving a CERTAIN KIND OF ROLE PLAYING, which might have been another of your interests once upon a time. It doesn't matter much anymore.
8915	The accident resulted in the DEATH OF YOUR LUSUS, which prompted you to leave your home and take up these ruins as residence. On the instruction of your ANCESTORS, you have recovered MYSTERIOUS TECHNOLOGY from the ruins, and convinced a friend to adapt it into a GAME THAT WILL BRING ABOUT THE DESTRUCTION OF YOUR CIVILIZATION. And by convinced, you suppose you mean tricked.
8916	He has tentatively named the game SGRUB, which is a word that is NOT TERRIBLY ELEGANT. If it were marketed by a legitimate game company instead of rapidly patched together by a young hacker, it would ostensibly be given a better title. He is presently mobilizing twelve friends to play it, including him and yourself. He believes he will lead the blue team. But he is wrong.
8917	Your trolltag is apocalypseArisen and there is typically a pr0n0unced h0ll0wness t0 y0ur w0rds.
8918	What will you do?
8919	It's not up to you to decide what you retrieve from your sylladex. It's up to the spirits.
8920	Looks like the spirits are being cooperative today, if a bit cryptic, as usual.
8921	Who's this douchebag?
8922	You found this baffling artifact some time ago on one of your digs. The creature on its facade is completely mystifying. You have taken to using it as your primary computing device on account of its bizarre novelty, as well as convenient portability.
8923	Oh, look who's bothering you again.
8924	She's always bugging you. Bugging and fussing and meddling. What's her deal! You guess it's flattering that she wants to talk to you so much though.
8925	You're ok with it. You're ok with a lot of things.
8926	GA: Hi Again Aradia
8927	AA: 0h n0000000
8928	GA: So I Guess Tonight Is The Night You Blow Everything Up
8929	AA: 0_0
8930	GA: Is There Nothing I Can Do To Change Your Mind
8931	AA: n0
8932	AA: 0r yes
8933	AA: yes theres n0thing
8934	AA: and n0 y0u cant
8935	AA: but y0u sh0uldnt pretend as if y0u believe this has anything t0 d0 with the state 0f my mind
8936	AA: 0r the decisi0ns it will make 0r has already made
8937	GA: Yeah I Guess Not
8938	GA: I Thought Id Be Friendly Though
8939	GA: And Remind You That You Do In Fact Have A Hand In All The Terrible Things That Are About To Happen
8940	GA: Because Thats What Friends Are For
8941	GA: And The Fact That What Ensues Will Be Terrible
8942	GA: Is An Immutable Fact I Am Stating For The Record
8943	GA: And The Fact That We Will Not Be On The Same Team Is Similarly Immutable
8944	GA: It Does Not Mean That Teamwork Is What Isnt Taking Place Here
8945	AA: s0rry i didnt f0ll0w that
8946	GA: Ill Be Here To Help
8947	GA: If You Need Me
8948	AA: 0k
8949	AA: thanks
8950	Tick tock tick tock tick tock.
8951	Waiting for the apocalypse is so boooooring.
8952	You guess you'll check on Sollux to see how he's coming along with those teams.
8953	You then had a conversation we already read, which began like this:
8954	AA: did y0u set up the teams
8955	And ended like this:
8956	AA: im c0ming up
8957	And then you went up.
8958	Hmm, you wonder what she wants.
8959	What's with all these girls bugging you? Bugging and fussing and meddling.
8960	AG: Araaaaaaaadiiiiiiiia!
8961	AA: 0h b0y thats way t00 many of the same letter in a r0w twice
8962	AG: I know!
8963	AG: So we're a8out to get started right?
8964	AG: Have you tricked Sollux yet?
8965	AG: Do you have Mr. Two Eyes all 8efuddled and flustered in your we8 of lies?
8966	AG: Or Mr. Four Eyes?
8967	AG: Hmmmmmmmmm.
8968	AG: I don't know. Which nickname do you think would 8e suita8ly derogatory in this case Aradia?
8969	AA: h0w ab0ut
8970	AA: eight eyes
8971	AA: minus seven
8972	AG: ::::P
8973	AA: i didnt trick him
8974	AA: its n0t like that
8975	AG: Ok, whatever. The point is.
8976	AG: Once you have pulled the finely woven silken mesh over his dum8 different colored eyes, you and I will start playing the game and 8e the 8lue team leaders.
8977	AG: That's how this will work right????????
8978	AG: Wait do you mind if we are co-leaders? I forgot to ask! I just assumed it was ok with you.
8979	AA: i d0nt care
8980	AG: Great. That's the spirit!
8981	AG: And when I 8ring you into the game, whatever the hell that means, then we can send each other stuff right? That is how this works right?
8982	AA: yes
8983	AG: Awesome!
8984	AG: 8ecause I have a present for you. It's a surprise, and it's going to 8e great. From me to you.
8985	AG: Just from me. From me alone and no8ody else.
8986	AG: I can't wait to see the look on your face when you see.
8987	AA: 0k well im sure it will be very th0ughtful
8988	AG: Hey speaking of which, what will the name of our team 8e?
8989	AA: uh
8990	AA: the blue team
8991	AG: No no no no no. I know that.
8992	AG: I mean the name of OUR team. You and me. Just uuuuuuuus.
8993	AG: ::::)
8994	AA: i havent given it any th0ught
8995	AA: n0r did i think such a thing was up f0r c0nsiderati0n
8996	AA: but if y0u want t0 pretend we b0th have a separate team t0gether
8997	AA: and name that team
8998	AA: then kn0ck y0urself 0ut
8999	AG: I just thought it would 8e really fitting.
9000	AG: Kind of like a fresh start, you know?
9001	AG: I don't know, what are our shared interests? I guess I never really thought a8out this! I guess I'm used to thinking of you as the enemy. There must 8e some overlap in profiles.
9002	AG: Come oooooooon, let's 8rainstorm!
9003	AA: 0_0
9004	AG: Man, it'll 8e great. We'll 8e unstoppa8le. Surely you must admit it will 8e nice to re8ound from the Team Charge de8acle!
9005	AA: i never think ab0ut that anym0re
9006	AG: Oh maaaaaaaan, I'm so dum8! Here I am running my mouth and opening up old wounds, while at the very same time trying to make amends! What an idiot.
9007	AA: its 0k
9008	AG: Hey speaking of which, that loser isn't going to 8e on the 8lue team is he?
9009	AA: which l0ser
9010	AG: Your old team 8uddy!
9011	AA: n0
9012	AG: Oh thank fucking goodness! Talk a8out dead weight. You made the right choice, leader! I mean co-leader.
9013	AA: i didnt exclude him f0r that reas0n
9014	AA: 0r at all
9015	AA: y0ure just n0t getting it
9016	AA: y0u never listen
9017	AG: Man, now I've got this huge 8eefgrub lodged in my nook just thinking a8out him.
9018	AG: I'm going to go give him a hard time.
9019	AG: Let me know when you're live! Later.
9020	AA: d0nt d0 that its really childish
9021	AA: uh w0w
9022	You try to be the mysterious spider girl and fail.
9023	She's way too mysterious for you to be her yet! Seriously, what's up with those glasses? What's up with that robo-arm? What's her deal!
9024	She guesses it's flattering that you want to be her though. She guesses she doesn't mind. It's cool.
9025	We'll learn all about her a little later.
9026	TA: aradiia ii would liike two apologiize, ii flew off the handle there.
9027	TA: iit wa2 liike the handle wa2 a bald guy goiing really fa2t, and ii wa2 hii2 twoupee.
9028	TA: 2o iim 2orry, iit wa2 my fault.
9029	AA: its 0k
9030	TA: ii hope we are 2tiill friiend2.
9031	AA: yes we are
9032	TA: 2o anyway, ii thiink even though ii quiit a2 leader iim 2tiill goiing two play the game now.
9033	TA: becau2e iit2 eiither that or get totally creamed by all the2e fuckiing 2pace boulder2.
9034	TA: hey maybe we can make the be2t of the game anyway, even though ii guess we are goiing two lo2e.
9035	AA: n0 im s0rry
9036	AA: y0u cant s0llux
9037	AA: n0t yet
9038	TA: oh my god!!!
9039	TA: youre goiing two giive me 2hiit agaiin???
9040	TA: after ii crawled on my belly liike that all groveliing at you.
9041	TA: liike 2ome low cla22 guy wiith... whatever color blood ii2 lower on the hiierarchy than miine.
9042	TA: what2 wor2e than yellow?
9043	TA: fuck thii2 confu2iing ca2te 2y2tem.
9044	TA: anyway 2crew you, iim playiing thii2 game riight now.
9045	AA: n0 y0ure n0t
9046	AA: trust me
9047	TA: waiit what2 thii2...
9048	TA: are you heariing that 2pooky me22age from the grave?
9049	TA: iit ii2 from my abiiliity two giive a 2hiit.
9050	TA: whiich ju2t diied.
9051	TA: thii2 ii2 where you laugh agaiin!
9052	AA: c0me t0 the wind0w
9053	TA: why.
9054	AA: because im 0utside
9055	TA: b2.
9056	AA: take a l00k
9057	TA: ii dont 2ee anythiing out there.
9058	AA: c0me cl0ser y0ull see me
9059	AA: i pr0mise
9060	TA: god ii am ju2t bulge deep iin the fecal matter of a wiildly iincontiinent hoofbea2t but ok, iill iindulge you.
9061	TA: here ii go!
9062	Ok, looking out this lousy stupid goddamn window.
9063	Lousy stupid goddamn psychics.
9064	Nap time.
9065	When you would finally wake up, you'd discover all of your teammates had connected to each other and entered the Medium. You would be the last to enter. Your long nap would facilitate a series of important dreams that would prove essential in support of your teammates.
9066	But here and now, the destruction of your hive would be imminent unless you could quickly establish a connection to the first player of the group and complete the chain.
9067	The mind honey.
9068	Thpppptthhhhhh.
9069	Some of it got in your mouth.
9070	YOU DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE EAT THE MIND HONEY
9071	Since that moody kid is busy flipping his bifurcated lid, we might as well take a moment to get to know this silly cat girl.
9072	Gosh who is she??
9073	Your name is NEPETA LEIJON.
9074	You live in a CAVE that is also a HIVE, but still mostly just a CAVE. You like to engage in FRIENDLY ROLE PLAYING, but not the DANGEROUS KIND. Never the DANGEROUS KIND. It's TOO DANGEROUS! Too many of your good friends have gotten hurt that way.
9075	Your daily routine is dangerous enough as it is. You prowl the wilderness for GREAT BEASTS, and stalk them and take them down with nothing but your SHARP CLAWS AND TEETH! You take them back to your cave and EAT THEM, and from time to time, WEAR THEIR PELTS FOR FUN. You like to paint WALL COMICS using blood and soot and ash, depicting EXCITING TALES FROM THE HUNT! And other goofy stories about you and your numerous pals. Your best pal of all is A LITTLE BOSSY, and people wonder why you even bother with him. But someone has to keep him pacified. If not you, then who? Everyone has an important job to do.
9076	Your trolltag is arsenicCatnip and :33 < *your sp33ch precedes itself with the face of your lusus who is pawssibly the cutest and purrhaps the bestest kitty you have ever s33n!*
9077	What will you do?
9078	You are always wearing your CLAW GLOVES. You never know when you might encounter some unsuspecting prey. Or when some prey might encounter an unsuspecting you!
9079	On Alternia, everything is considered unsuspecting prey by everything else.
9080	She sure enjoys a good scratch! POUNCE DE LEON is the best kitty cat. You and she go on adventures together in search of the FOUNTAIN OF CUTE. You ride your sure-pawed mount into the rugged frontier. And sometimes she rides you when she gets tired, which is frequently.
9081	It sure will be sad when she dies. But who knows when or how that will happen. We might not even really have the time to find out!
9082	Later there was a cave-in.
9083	You saunter over to your DRAWING TABLET COMPUTER. You use this to draw... on a computer!!! It would be cool if this could somehow be adapted to serve as a fetch modus as well. That would be so much more fun than the frustrating one you're using now.
9084	You wonder what this grumpy fellow wants? Probably something to do with that game. That seems to be all ANYBODY'S talking about lately!
9085	CG: HEY.
9086	AC: :33 < *ac perks up curiously*
9087	AC: :33 < *she wiggles her rear end a bit and then chases something she s33s bounce into one of karkats shoes*
9088	CG: KARKAT CAN'T BELIEVE HE HAS TO SINK THIS LOW.
9089	CG: KARKAT CAN'T BELIEVE HE'S ASKING AN AUTISTIC GIRL IN A CAVE TO JOIN HIS TEAM.
9090	CG: KARKAT MYSTIFIES IN INFINITE BEFUDDLEMENT OVER THE FACT THAT YOU ARE PRESENTLY THE BEST REMAINING CANDIDATE FOR THE RED TEAM.
9091	AC: :33 < i am???
9092	AC: :33 < i mean *ac says i am??? wondrously*
9093	CG: YES AND KARKAT CAN'T FUCKING BELIEVE THAT.
9094	CG: KARKAT THINKS ABOUT THAT A BIT AND HIS JAW DROPS OPEN AND BREAKS A HUGE COLUMN OF BRICKS LIKE A FUCKING KUNG FU MASTER.
9095	AC: :33 < *ac gathers up all the brick pieces and builds a cute little house and invites karkat inside*
9096	CG: OK GOOD, IT'S GOOD THAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT BUILDING.
9097	CG: EVEN IF IT'S IN THE MOST INANE POSSIBLE CONTEXT.
9098	CG: YOU'RE GOING TO BE DOING A LOT OF IT.
9099	AC: :33 < yesss that sounds fun
9100	AC: :33 < ok what do i do?
9101	CG: OK, BRIEFING:
9102	CG: ME, TEREZI, GAMZEE AND TAVROS ARE ALL PLAYING NOW.
9103	CG: THE CONNECTION ORDER IS AT -> TC -> GC -> CG.
9104	CG: WE NEED SOMEONE TO CONNECT TO TOREADOR AND GET HIM IN THE GAME.
9105	CG: I HAVE GA LINED UP FOR THE RED TEAM BECAUSE SHE IS ONE OF THE FEW REMAINING SANE ONES LEFT TO PLAY.
9106	CG: OK, THE ONLY SANE ONE.
9107	CG: BUT SHE DOESN'T WANT TO CONNECT YET BECAUSE OF SOME MYSTERIOUS BULLSHIT, SO I WAS LIKE WHATEVER, WHAT ELSE IS NEW.
9108	CG: SO I GUESS THAT LEAVES YOU.
9109	CG: TEREZI SAID SHE HAD YOU LINED UP TO PLAY BACK WHEN SHE WAS THE FAKE LEADER, SO I SAID FINE.
9110	CG: SO JUST CONNECT TO TAVROS AND LATER WE'LL WORRY ABOUT GETTING YOU IN.
9111	AC: :33 < alright! i will talk to him about that
9112	AC: :33 < oh
9113	AC: :33 < *ac pawses and looks up with a little bit of chagrin*
9114	AC: :33 < i forgot i have to talk to someone else about this
9115	AC: :33 < i have b33n purrcrastinating :((
9116	CG: OH GOD.
9117	CG: ARE YOU REALLY SERIOUS.
9118	AC: :33 < its not that big of a deal!
9119	CG: THIS BOGGLES MY MIND.
9120	CG: HOW CAN YOU BE BEST FRIENDS WITH THE ONLY GUY ON THE PLANET WHO'S A BIGGER ASSHOLE THAN ME.
9121	AC: :33 < hes not so bad!
9122	CG: HE'S SCUM.
9123	CG: BUT DO WHATEVER YOU'VE GOT TO DO I GUESS.
9124	CG: TAVROS IS WAITING.
9125	AC: :33 < *ac twitches her friendly whiskers at ct*
9126	CT: D --> Hi
9127	AC: :33 < *ct purrplexes over where he put that important wrench that he n33ded for building a fancy robot or something*
9128	AC: :33 < *he says, now where did that silly old wrench go??*
9129	CT: D --> 100k
9130	CT: D --> What are you e%pecting to accomplish with this
9131	AC: :33 < *but oh look! ct p33ks around the corner to find that a very playful kitty has stolen the robot wrench and is now kicking it vigorously with her hind legs!*
9132	CT: D --> This is f001ishness upon one hundred thousand prior, equally unsolicited f001ishnesses
9133	CT: D --> You'll stop now
9134	AC: XOO < rawwrrrrr
9135	AC: :33 < youre so lame!
9136	CT: D --> I'm not
9137	CT: D --> I'm fine
9138	AC: :33 < no! lame
9139	CT: D --> No I'm not
9140	AC: :33 < lame
9141	CT: D --> No
9142	AC: :33 < youve never played a fun purrtend game with me ever even once!
9143	AC: :33 < even karkat does it sometimes, even if he does mean it in a grumpy and insincere way
9144	AC: :33 < but at least its still fun!
9145	CT: D --> Yuck
9146	CT: D --> Don't pol100t my incoming data stream with his name, or any sort of e%cremental language you pick up from his ilk
9147	AC: :33 < i s33 right through your stupid act, who are you trying to kid!
9148	AC: :33 < look how you go out of your way to use words that have x's in them so that you can use your silly purrcent signs
9149	AC: :33 < or use these absurd words that you can shoehorn a '100' into, even if its not strictly replacing 'loo'!!!
9150	AC: :33 < you are so transpurrent
9151	AC: :33 < i can tell you like to play games, d33p down you are a guy who likes to play games!
9152	AC: :33 < i can smell a guy who likes to play games from so fur away with this nose, you have no idea X33
9153	CT: D --> If you're 100king for a 100phole through which you may e%tract concessions from me, you'll have to 100k elsewhere
9154	AC: :33 < s33! what the hell???
9155	CT: D --> Nepeta, what did I say about that awful language
9156	CT: D --> I won't stand for it, and you'll stop
9157	AC: :33 < oops
9158	AC: :33 < sorry :((
9159	CT: D --> Your fraternization with the base classes have 100sened your morals, can't you see this
9160	AC: :33 < no! i dont care, they are fun
9161	AC: :33 < and i dont know anything about classes or bases or blood color, it doesn't matter!
9162	AC: :33 < what does gr33n blood even mean! it doesnt mean anything to me and it shouldnt mean anything to anyone else!
9163	CT: D --> Well, green b100d is ok, but it's not great
9164	CT: D --> But that's why you're lucky to have me to 100k out for you
9165	CT: D --> Because you don't know better, and you can't fight the role the mother had in store for you
9166	AC: :33 < rawrgh, you are such a hypurrcrite!
9167	AC: :33 < you pretend to be so high and mighty but i know you're not and i know you like games
9168	AC: :33 < look at that silly little bow and arrow you always type!
9169	AC: :33 < its always there, you never furget
9170	AC: :33 < why would you do that if it wasnt a playful fun thing, i am so on to you!
9171	CT: D --> My bow and arrow are highly dignified symbols
9172	AC: :33 < lol! bs!!!
9173	CT: D --> Archery is among the highest and most e%ceptional crafts, held in tremendous regard by the most a100f classes for centuries
9174	AC: :33 < you suck at archery
9175	CT: D --> No
9176	AC: :33 < yes
9177	CT: D --> No
9178	AC: :33 < yes
9179	CT: D --> No I don't
9180	AC: :33 < yessssss yes yes yes
9181	AC: :33 < have you ever even successfully fired an arrow?
9182	AC: :33 < like actually got one to leave the bow??
9183	CT: D --> I think
9184	CT: D --> We need to stop talking about archery
9185	AC: :33 < nuh uh
9186	CT: D --> Yes
9187	AC: :33 < no
9188	CT: D --> We will stop talking about archery
9189	CT: D --> The topic is making me
9190	CT: D --> Sweat
9191	AC: :33 < eww
9192	AC: :33 < youre so gross
9193	CT: D --> No, you're the one who e%ercises distasteful practices
9194	AC: :33 < nooo, thats you
9195	AC: :33 < everyone knows youre a weirdo and a cr33p!
9196	AC: :33 < thats why youre lucky to have me to k33p an eye on you
9197	AC: :33 < no one else can stand you!
9198	CT: D --> You e%terminate beautiful, innocent creatures by the hundreds
9199	CT: D --> I can't condone such wretched behavior
9200	CT: D --> Beasts are meant to be 100ked upon with adoration
9201	AC: :33 < but
9202	AC: :33 < i eat them!
9203	AC: :33 < i dont kill anything i dont eat, that would be mean
9204	CT: D --> I guess that's basically acceptable in principle, but I still find it a bit unsavory
9205	AC: :33 < well i think YOUR habits are unsavory!
9206	CT: D --> No they're not
9207	AC: :33 < yuh HUH
9208	CT: D --> You're wrong about me, Nepeta
9209	CT: D --> I do like to play games
9210	CT: D --> But they must be e%tremely important games with very high stakes
9211	CT: D --> Not the kind played by trans100cent green wigglers who let 100se an e%cremental surge hard in their wiggler-bottom diaperstubs
9212	CT: D --> As it happens I have arranged to play just such a game tonight
9213	CT: D --> Aradia and I have a private engagement to be co-leaders of the b100 team
9214	AC: :33 < oh yeah??
9215	AC: :33 < *well just by purrchance it happens that ac has a private and sneaky engagement to play this game as well!*
9216	AC: :33 < *and by a purrsnickety twist of fate, she will be on the R33D TEAM, with her other great friends who like to play their childish diaperpoop games!!!!*
9217	AC: :33 < :PP
9218	CT: D --> Absolutely not
9219	AC: :33 < absolutely :PP
9220	CT: D --> I forbid this
9221	CT: D --> You will take your position on the b100 team with me
9222	AC: :33 < yeah right! i will take my purrsition into this funny pounce ball and tackle you!
9223	CT: D --> That's nonsense, you're nowhere even remotely within my pro%imity that would be necessary to e%ecute such a maneuver
9224	AC: :33 < *ac rolls her eyes almost as hard as she is rolling around in this really interesting smell*
9225	CT: D --> The thought of you fraternizing with and abetting those stink-b100ded h001igans strikes me as scandal beyond measure
9226	CT: D --> I'm afraid you're too delicate to withstand that sort of corruption
9227	CT: D --> It's forbidden
9228	AC: :33 < nuh uuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhh
9229	CT: D --> Yes
9230	CT: D --> You won't
9231	AC: :33 < no
9232	AC: :33 < i will
9233	CT: D --> You won't
9234	AC: :33 < you cant stop me!
9235	CT: D --> I am telling you not to
9236	CT: D --> And you will be on my team
9237	CT: D --> That's final
9238	AC: XPO < bllllraaaaaawwwwwlllllrrrrghgghghgh
9239	CT: D --> Quiet
9240	AC: :33 < why do you do this, why are you so confurdent about your stupid commands?
9241	AC: :33 < dont you know you cant ACTUALLY tell me what to do??
9242	AC: :33 < its not like you even have any special mind pawers or telepurrthy or anything!
9243	CT: D --> No
9244	CT: D --> I do not
9245	CT: D --> And yet
9246	CT: D --> You will do as I say
9247	AC: :33 < yes well we will just s33 about that!
9248	CT: D --> Yes we will
9249	CT: D --> You will join me on my team shortly
9250	CT: D --> Stand by for further instru%ion
9251	AC: :33 < hisssssssss!
9252	CT: D --> You're angry, and I appreciate that
9253	CT: D --> But it doesn't matter
9254	CT: D --> Di%ussion over
9255	AC: :33 < :((
9256	AC: :33 < *ac curls up in tavroses lap*
9257	AT: oKAY, *i,
9258	AT: fOR THE TIME BEING, aND,
9259	AT: fOR THE SAKE OF THIS FANTASY SCENARIO, i PRETEND,
9260	AT: tHAT MY CAT ALLERGIES AREN'T THAT BAD,*
9261	AC: :33 < *ac takes a long nap*
9262	AC: :33 < *and then wakes up and frowns because she has bad news*
9263	AT: *oH NO,*
9264	AT: iS,
9265	AT: wHAT i SAY,
9266	AT: aBOUT THE BAD NEWS, nOT THE NAP,
9267	AC: :33 < tavros im sorry i cant be on your team :((
9268	AC: :33 < im not allowed
9269	AT: oH,
9270	AT: tHAT'S OKAY,
9271	AT: tHEN i GUESS HE SAID NO, tHEN,
9272	AC: :33 < yes unfurtunately
9273	AC: :33 < rarg im so mad!
9274	AT: iT'S PROBABLY FOR THE BEST,
9275	AT: tHAT YOU LISTEN TO HIM,
9276	AC: :33 < i dont know
9277	AC: :33 < you think so?
9278	AT: wELL,
9279	AT: iF YOU DIDN'T LISTEN TO HIM BEFORE,
9280	AT: yOU MIGHT HAVE PLAYED GAMES WITH US BEFORE,
9281	AT: aND SOMETHING BAD MIGHT HAVE HAPPENED TO YOU,
9282	AC: :33 < hmm purrhaps
9283	AC: :33 < but i still f33l bad
9284	AT: i'LL FIND ANOTHER PLAYER, iT'S NOT A BIG DEAL,
9285	AT: gOOD LUCK, bEING,
9286	AT: oN THE BLUE TEAM,
9287	AC: :33 < ok thanks :((
9288	You fondly recall your days of far more intensive role playing. It seems like so long ago now. Aside from a few unfortunate moments, it was a lot of fun. If you had to do it all over again, you suppose you would select better company. Maybe this game you are playing tonight will rekindle some of that excitement.
9289	Tinkerbull?
9290	You stand in your room on a healthy pair of legs and in a plucky little outfit. You are a low level BOY-SKYLARK, and you wield an inexpensive DAGGERLANCE, which is the closest thing to a jousting lance you can wield that is still compatible with your favorite class.
9291	You are about to play a popular game called FLARP, which unlike most games published by major developers, was given a graceful and aesthetically pleasing name. It's a title under the EXTREME ROLE PLAYING genre, and playing it without caution can have serious real world consequences! But that's what makes it fun.
9292	When you activate Flarp's grub, the campaign programmed for tonight will begin. TEAM CHARGE will duel TEAM SCOURGE as usual. This is going to be great.
9293	AT: aRADIA,
9294	AT: mY GRUB IS LAYING NOW, sO
9295	AT: i'LL BE READY SOON,
9296	AA: c00l!
9297	AA: mine t00
9298	AA: i d0nt kn0w where terezi is th0ugh
9299	AA: shes running late
9300	AT: oH, uHH
9301	AT: sHOULD WE WAIT,
9302	AA: n0
9303	AA: ill be here cl0uding her campaign f0r her regardless
9304	AA: with 0r with0ut her!
9305	AA: her l0ss if she d0esnt make it
9306	AA: itll give y0u a chance t0 gain s0me gr0und
9307	AT: oKAY,
9308	AA: y0u picked a t0ugh class tavr0s!
9309	AA: n0ne 0f the really useful c0mbat abilities c0me int0 play until y0u reach a very high level
9310	AA: but i supp0se it will be rewarding when y0u get there
9311	AT: yEAH, i THINK YOU'RE RIGHT, bUT,
9312	AT: iT'S THE CLASS i THINK IS MOST FUN, aND, bATTLE SKILL IS NOT ALL THERE IS,
9313	AT: tO BEING A GREAT ADVENTURER,
9314	AA: i c0uldnt agree m0re
9315	AA: y0u might be the 0nly flarper in the w0rld wh0 really understands the true spirit 0f the game
9316	AA: every0ne else is s0 aggressive and treasure hungry!
9317	AA: but thats what makes beating them all the m0re satisfying
9318	AT: yEAH, i GUESS,
9319	AA: remember y0ur cl0uder isnt g0ing t0 pull any punches t0night
9320	AA: d0nt fall f0r her mind games
9321	AA: ill be here t0 assist 0f c0urse
9322	AA: if y0ure in tr0uble d0nt hesitate t0 ask f0r help
9323	AT: yEAH, i WON'T,
9324	AT: tHANKS, aRADIA,
9325	AA: n0 pr0blem!
9326	Your campaign's GAMING FLAPSTRACTIONS hatch out of their eggs. These comprise all the data and procedures you will need for your adventure tonight.
9327	They disperse throughout the terrain surrounding your hive. They follow both preprogrammed and live instructions by your CLOUDER, a member of Team Scourge, whose role is to provide you with a challenging scenario, while your teammate does the same for Scourge's other player.
9328	You take your starting position in the field. The game is afoot, and anything can happen now. It's up to you to consult your maps and work with your teammate to discover the objective of the quest, find treasure, and slay monsters.
9329	Your STAT BAT has bonded with you. This keeps track of every attribute for your character, including vitals. While these attributes in principle remain abstractions, due to the fact that this is EXTREME role playing, they will always relate in some way to your real life attributes as well. You've got to be careful out here!
9330	AG: Wellllllll?
9331	AT: uHH,
9332	AG: Hey 8oy-Skytard, are you going to just stand there all night?
9333	AG: Make your move, make your move, make your move!
9334	AT: i JUST THINK,
9335	AT: tHESE MONSTERS ARE TOO STRONG,
9336	AT: sORRY, bUT, tHEY DON'T SEEM APPROPRIATE FOR THIS CAMPAIGN,
9337	AG: Weak! Weaky weaky weak.
9338	AT: uHH,
9339	AT: wEAKY, iS THAT A REAL,
9340	AT: tHING TO SAY,
9341	AG: Yes. Your 8l8tant excuse making is the weakiest lame that ever shit the coward 8ed.
9342	AG: Roll your dice. Make your move.
9343	AG: Advance or a8scond!
9344	AT: i CAN'T ABSCOND,
9345	AT: tHERE'S NO,
9346	AT: uHH, aBSCONDING PLACE,
9347	AG: 8ut a8sconding is what you do 8est!
9348	AG: I 8n't managed to cloud a scenario yet you couldn't squawk out of in a 8lazing trail of cluck8east feathers.
9349	AG: You cannot hope to 8eat Tavros Nitram in an a8scond-off.
9350	AG: He is simply the 8est there is!
9351	AT: uHH, tHAT SOUNDS FLATTERING, tHEORETICALLY,
9352	AT: bUT, i DON'T THINK,
9353	AG: Hey pipe down!
9354	AG: Make your move!
9355	AG: Advance or a8scond, advance or a8scond!
9356	AG: Roll, Tavros! Roll!!!!!!!!
9357	AT: oKAY,
9358	AT: hOLD ON, fOR ONE MOMENT,
9359	AT: aRADIA,
9360	AT: hEY,
9361	AT: aRE YOU THERE,
9362	AT: uHHH,
9363	AT: hMM,
9364	AT: hEY,
9365	AT: tEREZI,
9366	AT: i HAVE A PROBLEM,
9367	AT: uHHHHHHH,
9368	AG: No one can help you, Taaaaaaaavros!
9369	AG: ::::)
9370	AT: oKAY,
9371	AG: Time to decide!
9372	AT: wHERE IS EVERYBODY,
9373	AG: What does that have to do with your present cowardice?
9374	AT: i DON'T KNOW,
9375	AT: pROBABLY NOTHING,
9376	AG: Are you going to roll?
9377	AT: hMM,
9378	AT: nO, i CAN'T,
9379	AG: Why not?
9380	AT: bECAUSE, i WAS THINKING ABOUT THE NUMBERS, aND,
9381	AT: iT'S IMPOSSIBLE FOR THERE TO BE A FAVORABLE OUTCOME,
9382	AT: nO MATTER WHAT THE DICE DO,
9383	AG: So, you give up?
9384	AT: yEAH, mAYBE,
9385	AG: Why not roll and make it official?
9386	AG: Why would you want to cheapsk8 me out of 8onuses like that? It's so thoughtless.
9387	AT: uHH,
9388	AG: Am I going to have to take matters into my own hands?
9389	AG: To make your move for you?
9390	AT: i THOUGHT,
9391	AT: yOU COULDN'T USE POWERS,
9392	AT: i MEAN, rEAL LIFE POWERS, nOT GAME ONES,
9393	AT: iT'S AGAINST THE RULES,
9394	AG: 8ut if you are going to 8reak the rules and refuse to roll, what choice do I have!
9395	AG: I h8 that it had to come to this 8ut what can I do!
9396	AG: Tavros, have I mentioned how cute you look in that plucky little outfit?
9397	AG: Why if I didn't know 8etter, I'd say I was playing with Pupa Pan himself!
9398	AG: Isn't that what you want, Tavros? To 8e like Pupa?
9399	AG: Of course you do! What 8oy wouldn't want to 8e like Pupa! So dashing and 8rave.
9400	AG: He is everything you are not!
9401	AG: For one thing, he can flyyyyyyyy.
9402	AG: Do you want to flyyyyyyyy, Tavros?
9403	AG: Have you ever tried to fly? I 8et you haven't!
9404	AG: How a8out we take to the skies, Pupa!
9405	AG: Hahahaha, oh you like that idea, Pupa? Yes, you do. I can feel it in your simple, mallea8le 8rain.
9406	AG: You want to fly so 8ad!
9407	AG: Fly, Pupa!!!!!!!!
9408	AG: Flyyyyyyyy!
9409	AG: Hahahahahahahaha!
9410	AG: Aaaaaaaahahahahahahahaha!
9411	AG: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!
9412	AG: Haaaaaaaahaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaa!
9413	AG: Adios, Toreadum8ass.
9414	AG: :::;D
9415	AT: aG JUST JUMPED ME OFF A CLIFF,
9416	AT: wITH MY BRAIN,
9417	AT: aND, uHH
9418	AT: mY LEGS, aLSO,
9419	AT: aND NOW, tHEY FEEL,
9420	AT: iNVISIBLE,
9421	AT: wOW, i'M SURE THERE WAS A BETTER WAY TO SAY THAT,
9422	AT: aNYWAY,
9423	AT: tHAT'S REALLY ALL THERE IS,
9424	AT: tO REPORT ON THE SUBJECT,
9425	AT: oF ME GETTING HURT,
9426	CG: HEY ASSHOLE, STOP PLAYING GAMES FOR GIRLS.
9427	But not too far into the present. Right around this moment, with Karkat and the toilet, during a conversation we have already read, which ended like this:
9428	GC: OH BOY YOU N33D TO G3T W1TH TH3 PROGR4M K4RK4T
9429	GC: H4V3 YOU T4LK3D TO 44
9430	CG: 44 WHAT?
9431	GC: 4POC4LYPS34R1S3N SORRY
9432	CG: NO, OF COURSE NOT.
9433	GC: OR T4
9434	GC: OR 4G 1 GU3SS
9435	GC: OR C4
9436	GC: R34LLY TH3R3S L1K3 TH1S WHOL3 CONSP1R4CY 4BOUT TH1S
9437	GC: 4S 1M F1ND1NG OUT
9438	CG: WELL WHY DON'T YOU JUST TELL ME SO I DON'T HAVE TO TALK TO ANY OF THOSE DOUBLETALKING ASSHOLES.
9439	GC: 1 C4NT!
9440	GC: 1 GOTT4 ST3P OUT OF TH3 TR33 FOR 4 MOM3NT
9441	GC: WH3N 1 COM3 B4CK 1 W1LL 3NT3R TH3 G4M3
9442	GC: CY4!
9443	AG: Psssssssst.
9444	AG: Hey 8rave leader.
9445	CG: OH MY GOD, WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO ME.
9446	AG: Can I join your team?
9447	CG: YES I'M GLAD YOU ASKED, BECAUSE THERE IS A WIDE OPEN SLOT FOR THE MOST VILE BACKSTABBING SOCIOPATH WHO EVER LIVED.
9448	CG: YOU REALLY HELPED ME OUT OF A JAM BY STEPPING FORWARD.
9449	AG: Vile 8acksta88ing sociopath? Karkat, did you copy and p8ste that phrase directly from your personal ad descri8ing what you are looking for in a lady?
9450	CG: HA HA HA!
9451	CG: MORE CAGEY CUTESY BULLSHIT.
9452	CG: LIKE I'M NOT UP TO MY LOBE STEM WITH THAT ALREADY HAVING TO DEAL WITH TEREZI.
9453	CG: YOU BOTH MUST HAVE BEEN INSUFFERABLE WHEN YOU WERE A TEAM.
9454	CG: YOUR OPPONENTS PROBABLY ALL JUST TRIED TO COMMIT SUICIDE AFTER A FEW MINUTES OF PUTTING UP WITH YOUR FANGY GRINNED DRIVEL.
9455	CG: THAT'S PROBABLY HOW IT ALL WENT DOWN WHEN THE SHIT HIT THE THRESHER.
9456	AG: That's not a 8ad guess! 8ut man! Karkat you sure are giving me a hard time.
9457	AG: I don't see how we're supposed to 8e 8ecoming friends if you recoil from my olive 8ranch like I'm twitching a mummified 8ovine phallus in your direction.
9458	CG: BECOMING FRIENDS, WHAT THE FUCK.
9459	CG: WE WILL NEVER BE FRIENDS, MORON.
9460	AG: Not even h8 friends?
9461	CG: NO. MORE LIKE TWITCHY EYED PROJECTILE VOMITING IN UTTER DISGUST FRIENDS, WHILE I PERFORATE MY BONE BULGE WITH A CULLING FORK.
9462	AG: Yessssssss. I'll take it!
9463	CG: GET LOST.
9464	AG: Anyway, I was just joking a8out wanting to 8e on your team.
9465	AG: I'm already on the 8lue team.
9466	CG: OH! OH REALLY?????
9467	CG: WAIT, LET ME COUNT OUT EIGHT OF THESE THINGS, HOLD ON. ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?
9468	CG: THERE, I AM NOW AN ENORMOUS TOOL FOREVER.
9469	AG: Yes, Aradia and I have an arrangement. We will 8e co-leaders.
9470	AG: (But really I will 8e the leader! Heh heh. Shh! Don't tell anyone!)
9471	AG: What do you think, Karkat? Can you take on two dangerous laaaaaaaadies at once?
9472	CG: YAWN.
9473	AG: Come on! Aren't you a little nervous that I will oppose you? You should 8e!
9474	CG: NO YOU'RE JUST A RUN OF THE MILL LITTLE PSYCHO GIRL, A TROLL CAEGAR A DOZEN.
9475	CG: I'LL BE TAKING APART THE BLUE TEAM WITH BRUTAL EFFICIENCY, YOU'LL SEE.
9476	CG: YOU NEVER PLAYED ONE OF YOUR DUMB GAMES WITH ME SO YOU NEVER HAD THE PRIVILEGE OF SEEING WHAT I CAN DO.
9477	CG: ENJOY THE SHOW, SWEETHEART.
9478	CG: JUST DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT USING YOUR MIND CONTROL TRICKS ON MY PLAYERS.
9479	CG: REMEMBER YOUR TRUCE?
9480	AG: Pshhhhhhhh. Those days are far 8ehind me.
9481	AG: Anyway, I can't control just any8ody. They've got to 8e impressssssssiona8le. Like you!
9482	CG: YOU CAN'T CONTROL ME.
9483	AG: Sure I can. I just choose not to.
9484	CG: YEAH OK.
9485	AG: I find your mind totally unpalata8le to 8rowse. Looking into your 8rain is like pawing through a smelly dumpster.
9486	AG: Full of 8roken glass and razor 8lades!
9487	AG: And poop. D::::
9488	CG: WHATEVER, DON'T EVEN TRY IT.
9489	CG: I'VE GOT THE BETTER SCOURGE SISTER ON MY TEAM AND IF YOU BREAK YOUR TRUCE YOU'LL HAVE TO ANSWER TO HER.
9490	CG: THE FUNNY THING IS SHE WAS ALWAYS WAY BETTER THAN YOU EVEN WITHOUT ANY POWERS.
9491	CG: YEAH THAT'S RIGHT, I KNOW YOUR WHOLE STORY.
9492	CG: YOU WERE ALWAYS JEALOUS SHE COULD MANIPULATE PEOPLE SO WELL WITHOUT RESORTING TO CHEAP MIND TRICKS.
9493	CG: HAHA, I CAN TELL THIS BURNS YOU AND I CAN'T EVEN PAW THROUGH YOUR DUMPSTER!
9494	CG: CHALK IT UP AS ANOTHER INFURIATING VICTORY FOR GUTTER BLOOD OVER ARISTOCRACY.
9495	CG: OH WHAT'S THAT, NOTHING TO SAY?
9496	CG: WOW SPEECHLESS I GUESS. YOU'RE PROBABLY CRYING RIGHT NOW. THAT WOULD MAKE MY FUCKING DAY.
9497	CG: HEY LOOK AT ME BEING THE ONE TO TALK SHIT AT WARP SPEED THEN LOG OFF BEFORE YOU CAN REPLY.
9498	CG: BYE, IDIOT.
9499	AG: Oh, 8ack so soon! Did your thum8 slip on the 8utton????????
9500	AG: I guess you can't get enough of me.
9501	AG: ::::)
9502	CG: YOU MADE ME DO THAT.
9503	CG: AND YOU KNOW IT.
9504	AG: You 8n't got nothing on me and you can't prove shit!!!!!!!!
9505	AG: Anyway, Karkat, I just wanted to say.
9506	AG: <3
9507	You are now the other... oh.
9508	Oh god.
9509	You decide that we could probably stand to delay this guy's introduction a little longer. Why don't we see what someone else is up to.
9510	Anyone.
9511	You switch to a vague teaser of the final unseen troll in the nick of time.
9512	You head back to your hive to get the blue team's session started.
9513	It's been a while.
9514	You revisit the remains of your quaint rural hive. Your lawnring and the small excavation sites you dug up for practice are all overgrown with vegetation.
9515	You haven't been here since the night of the accident. On that night you found your CALLING. The voices of the dead grew louder, urging you to return to the ruins you discovered not long before. You left so abruptly, you didn't even have time to bury your lusus.
9516	But that's fine, because trolls don't typically bury their dead. Leaving bodies to be consumed by wild animals is more customary.
9517	You have an arrangement to begin the session as co-leader with one of the blue bloods. You understand this player intends to make a power grab, and take sole possession of the leadership role. Such subterfuge is typical of their caste. But you're perfectly ok with this. It's one of the many things you're ok with.
9518	You allow your co-player to take the lead and enter the Medium first. You understand that the leadership role is essentially meaningless, aside from offering the distinction of being the first player to enter. You also understand that entering the game second was always your intention.
9519	You have a server player connect to you, someone you personally selected for the role. The devices required for entry are deployed.
9520	The kernelsprite awaits prototyping. But unlike all eleven other players, your dead lusus is not available. You have to use something else.
9521	Prototyping with the frog head before entering the Medium would prove to be critical for later success. Just another of many assurances whispered by the dead. You've long since stopped questioning them, or doubting the future significance of even spontaneous acts of frivolous desecration.
9522	Compelling your nonplussed server player to perform this task might have proven difficult. Luckily your telekinesis, an ability greatly magnified through your CALLING, would be sufficient to move the massive object, whereas the game cursor likely would not.
9523	Your server player simply watched in mystification.
9524	She really just had no idea what the hell was going on.
9525	You enter the Medium, taking your place in the LAND OF QUARTZ AND MELODY as the MAID OF TIME.
9526	Meanwhile, your client player has been exploring another world. The blue blood has a present for you. The present cannot be duplicated via alchemy at this stage of the game. It would cost too much grist, a detail which this player had not been aware of. The player would have to progress to the second gate of their own world, arrive through the gate above your hive, and deliver it in person.
9527	Facilitating this delivery was one of the reasons why it was important for you to enter second.
9528	Your server player's confusion is only in part due to learning the ropes of a new game. There is a more significant reason for her befuddlement.
9529	While she followed your advice and went through the simple motions of game setup, at no point were you visible on her monitor. She saw your damaged hive. She saw the alchemiter and other devices she deployed. She saw the strange computing device on the floor, bearing the visage of a species she didn't recognize. She even saw a great big stone frog head fly through the air all by itself, and become the Frogsprite.
9530	And though she would ask why, and you would always delay the answer, the fact remained.
9531	She couldn't see you.
9532	She couldn't see you up until the moment after the sprite's second prototyping.
9533	Because you were dead all along.
9534	We are all completely blown away by this stunning revelation.
9535	Wow. Dead. Really? Like a ghost?
9536	Huh.
9537	AC: :33 < aradia i can s33 you!
9538	AC: :33 < that is you right
9539	AA: yes
9540	AC: :33 < why are you the floating frog all of a sudden?
9541	AA: im dead
9542	AA: my spirit merged with the fr0gsprite
9543	AC: :33 < wow
9544	AC: :33 < dead
9545	AC: :33 < really?
9546	AA: like a gh0st
9547	AC: :33 < huh
9548	AC: :33 < well i hope this doesnt make me sound dumb
9549	AC: :33 < but i am completely blown away by that stunning revelation!
9550	AA: y0u d0nt s0und dumb
9551	AC: :33 < whew! :33
9552	AC: :33 < how did you die?
9553	AA: i ign0red the advice 0f a friend
9554	AA: and made s0me bad ch0ices
9555	AC: :33 < *ac rumples up her nose in purrplexment at aa's really vague and spooky answer*
9556	AC: :33 < but actually thats good because i kind of think i dont want to know
9557	AC: :33 < its making me sad to think about :((
9558	AA: 0k
9559	AA: nepeta can y0u please keep this a secret
9560	AC: :33 < yes i purrmise i wont tell anyone about it
9561	AC: :33 < and by purrmise i mean promise just so you know im serious!
9562	AA: thank y0u
9563	AA: ribbit
9564	AA: wh00ps
9565	AC: :33 < h33 h33 h33!!!
9566	Bluh bluh.
9567	Your name is VRISKA SERKET.
9568	You are a master of EXTREME ROLE PLAYING. You can't get enough of it, or really any game of high stakes and chance. You have persisted with the habit even in spite of your ACCIDENT. But then again, you don't have much choice.
9569	Your lusus is VERY HUNGRY, ALL THE TIME. She can only be appeased by the FLESH OF YOUNG TROLLS. You cloud campaigns for teams of Flarpers, utilizing your abilities for ORCHESTRATING THE DEMISE OF THE IMPRESSSSSSSSIONA8LE. Your victories supply you with treasure, experience points, and SPIDER FOOD.
9570	You are something of an APOCALYPSE BUFF, which is something you can be on Alternia. You are fascinated by end of the world scenarios, and enjoy constructing DOOMSDAY DEVICES for the hell of it. You are drawn to means of DARK PROGNOSTICATION and the advantages they offer, particularly in gaming scenarios. Your abilities in this department were hobbled with the loss of your VISION EIGHTFOLD, and you have since sought alternatives through various BLACK ORACLES. You consult with these ominous globes, but routinely destroy them in frustration over the PUZZLING GUARANTEED INACCURACY of their predictions. Breaking them has developed into a habit BORDERING ON FETISHISTIC, and with each you destroy, you add to an insurmountable stockpile of TERRIBLE LUCK. You have to stop. But addiction is a powerful thing.
9571	Your trolltag is arachnidsGrip and your st8ments tend to 8e just a little 8it overdramaaaaaaaatic.
9572	What will you do?
9573	You drew your own role playing character for fun, as many Flarpers are prone to do. She is the best character, and you wish you were her. Oh wait, you are her! Your wish has been granted. Probably as a special boon for being so great at everything.
9574	Her name is Marquise Spinneret Mindfang, scourge of land dwellers and sea dwellers alike, and worst nightmare to silly BOY-SKYLARKS everywhere. She has accumulated more treasure and gained more levels than any member of the PETTICOAT SEAGRIFT class ever. She gained all the levels. All of them.
9575	Yeah!!!!!!!!
9576	You have a lot to do. So many irons in the fire OW!
9577	Lousy dice. You just can't ever seem to go anywhere in your hive without stepping on an errant D4. Pointy little bastards.
9578	It's just your bad luck, you guess. You've had such terrible luck ever since your accident. And it just keeps getting worse. As far as you're concerned, the world can't end soon enough.
9579	As you were saying. So many irons in the fire. Such a tangled web. It is a web full of flaming irons and mixed metaphors.
9580	Tonight is a big night. You have a lot of meddling to catch up on tonight. Bugging and fussing and meddling.
9581	You equip your enchanted dice set, the fabled FLUORITE OCTET.
9582	It consists of eight D8, plundered from a ghost ship during a particularly challenging campaign. In ancient times such weapons were employed by roving bands of GAMBLIGNANTS, deadly marauders with a passion for chance. They all died off though. Took too many crazy risks.
9583	Rolling the dice will execute a wide range of highly unpredictable attacks. Very high rolls can be devastating to even the most powerful opponents.
9584	Of course with the luck you've had lately, you couldn't make a good roll to save your life. Got to do something about this awful luck.
9585	Gotta catch a br8k!!!!!!!!
9586	When you get worked up about stuff you put 8's in places that don't really make a lot of sense phonetically.
9587	Time to get this show on the road. There are SO MANY people to meddle with tonight.
9588	After you ditch an unwelcome solicitor first, that is. Doesn't she realize how rude it is to meddle??
9589	You'll fuss with her meddling later.
9590	What now?
9591	Oh, him. You thought he'd washed his hands of you. Strange timing that he's bugging you tonight after so long without a peep from him.
9592	Hello.
9593	AG: Oh my god, why are you talking to me????????
9594	This is the last time we'll ever talk.
9595	AG: Still sticking with the white text I see. So smooth and stylish!
9596	AG: I forgot how much I loved highlighting it to read all the 8oring things you have to say.
9597	AG: It's like a fun game for super extra handicapped retarded people. Like opening a present! Find out what o8noxious thing the mystery tool typed.
9598	AG: What is it!
9599	A parting courtesy, I suppose.
9600	All the ways I've exploited you were meant to bring about the events that will take place this evening.
9601	Knowing this will provide context for the events in your near future, and will affect how you behave in response.
9602	These events will be just as important as those preceding it.
9603	I've gone to great lengths, you see.
9604	AG: You didn't exploit me.
9605	AG: You are just a petty douche with a 8ad temper who likes to pl8y g8mes, and all I did w8s humor you.
9606	I did exploit you, very thoroughly. It was easy.
9607	AG: So full of yourself!!!!!!!!
9608	Have I ever lost a game?
9609	AG: Don't ch8nge the su8ject!!!!!!!!
9610	What subject are you referring to?
9611	AG: XXXXO
9612	AG: I'm going to log off in a 8ig huff and you have to promise not to use that nasty trick where you log me 8ack on out of petty douchey spite!
9613	AG: And then we can go 8ack to never ever talking, 8ecause man! That was heaven when it was like th8t!!!!!!!!
9614	There's no need for that kind of assurance.
9615	I'll be brief.
9616	I no longer hold you accountable for any wrongdoing. In fact, I've given your transgression very little thought since the incident.
9617	If you acknowledge this amnesty and regard it as sincere, you may begin to find the odds falling in your favor again.
9618	This may be essential if you are to succeed on your journey.
9619	AG: Mm hmm. Slow down! Man.
9620	AG: I am just wearing out so many pens taking all these important notes! Fuuuuuuuuck!
9621	AG: Fuck you for ruining all my good note-taking pens and giving me this terri8le cramp in my good note-taking hand!!!!!!!!
9622	Incredible, the risks you take with your scorn.
9623	But of course it was your unpleasant, simplistic temperament that made you so easy to control.
9624	Vicious and predictable, like an insect.
9625	If you turn a swarm of wasps on a crowd, the outcome is certain.
9626	It takes no skilled strategist to understand this. You were in fact a waste of my talents.
9627	A primitive expedient.
9628	AG: Blech. What a sno8. You're worse than my meddley meddler meddlefriend.
9629	I wonder why they waste their camaraderie on you. I'll never understand it.
9630	AG: I thought you said you would 8e 8rief????????
9631	I'll say one last thing.
9632	Though the magnitude of the ensuing destruction resulting directly from your actions will be neither possible or necessary for you to fathom, there nevertheless ought to be a silver lining.
9633	The only question is whether you will live long enough to see it.
9634	I'm not a gambling man.
9635	But if I was, I wouldn't bet on it.
9636	Goodbye.
9637	AG: Zzzzzzzz. 8ye, assh8le.
9638	More hollow comebacks. As hollow and wishywashy as the inside of one of these dumb black globes. What use is all that attitude against a guy who's never wrong? It's so depressing, you can't even work up the energy to smash this stupid thing.
9639	Maybe you could stand to have some camaraderie wasted on you, even if it comes from a meddley meddler meddlefriend.
9640	AG: Whaaaaaaaat.
9641	GA: Just Wanted To Know
9642	GA: Is Your Lusus Dead Yet
9643	AG: Huh? What kind of question is that!
9644	AG: Is this a trick? Are you trying to sa8otage me? Are you in cahoots with someone????????
9645	GA: Uh No
9646	AG: Cahoooooooots!!!!!!!!
9647	AG: Cahoots I say.
9648	GA: You Sure Do Seem To Be Saying Cahoots
9649	GA: Im Just Asking
9650	GA: Because Mines Dead
9651	AG: What? Oh no.
9652	AG: How did that happen?
9653	GA: It Was Just Her Time
9654	AG: Really? Are you sure it wasn't sa8otage? I would suspect sa8otage if I was you.
9655	GA: No There Was No Plot Or Conspiracy Or Any Trace Of Saboteurs Operating Through The Special And Magical Union One Can Only Describe As Being In Cahoots With Another
9656	GA: When A Virgin Mother Grub Abdicates And Renounces Brooding
9657	GA: Her Time Will Be Relatively Short
9658	GA: I Always Knew This
9659	AG: ::::(
9660	AG: She was so cool, you had the coolest lusus of anyone I know.
9661	AG: I wanted to meet her some day.
9662	GA: Maybe You Still Can
9663	AG: Yeah, meet her corpse! I guess that's not so bad a consol8tion prize.
9664	AG: Seeing a 8ig dead cool mother gru8. Wow!
9665	AG: You were so lucky. My lusus sucks! Haha.
9666	AG: Why did you ask if she's dead, anyway? Do you know something????????
9667	GA: They Are All Dying
9668	GA: Or Are Going To Soon
9669	GA: I Believe Its A Preemptive Consequence Of The Game We Are About To Play
9670	GA: If A Preemptive Consequence Is A Concept That Can Be Said To Hold Any Meaning
9671	GA: But From What I Understand If It Is Applicable In Any Sphere At All Then This Game Holds That Sphere
9672	AG: Okaaaaaaaay, I don't really get that. So you can just go ahead think I'm some dum8 flighty 8road again.
9673	GA: I Wasnt Going To Think That
9674	GA: You Know What I Dont Think Even I Really Understand What I Just Said So Nevermind
9675	AG: Now you have me a little worried. Man! I hope she's ok.
9676	AG: Why would this happen? This is just my luck. Have some died 8esides yours????????
9677	AG: And uh, you know who's, I guess. ::::o
9678	GA: Yes A Few
9679	GA: Karkat Thinks Its His Fault
9680	GA: He Believes His Actions Triggered An Inauspicious Chain Reaction
9681	AG: You mean a curse?
9682	GA: Sure
9683	AG: Wow, between his curse and my shitty luck we are so screwed.
9684	GA: Im Not Surprised To See You Endorse His Paranoia Without Hesitation
9685	GA: But I Was Attempting To Illustrate A Point In Bringing It Up
9686	AG: Whew! There goes another one sailing over the idi8t girl's head! Ok, lay it on me.
9687	GA: These Events Are Inevitable And Regardless Of Whatever Emotional Entanglements Obfuscate Their Significance They Will Ultimately Serve An Important Purpose
9688	GA: The Curse Had Nothing To Do With It
9689	GA: And Karkats Notion Of A Curse Is Inseparable From His Perception Of Events As Intrinsically Negative And As Tailored To His Personal Dissatisfaction
9690	GA: And Your Bad Luck Is The Same Way
9691	GA: I Believe Anyway
9692	AG: Uh. Ok.
9693	GA: What Would Happen If You Just Cleaned Up A Bit
9694	GA: Dont You Think You Would Step On A Few Less Hard Triangles
9695	AG: Why do you try to help me and stuff? What's the point!
9696	AG: It's kind of bothersome. And insulting sometimes!
9697	AG: So I have a messy room. 8ig deal. My luck fucking 8lows! It's got nothing to do with it and you just don't even know.
9698	AG: Meddler. Why you so meddley, Miss Meddlesome McFussyfangs????????
9699	GA: Because Youre Dangerous
9700	AG: No way! I'm just fine. Why don't you can it.
9701	GA: Every Time You Tell Me To Can It I Think Its Funny
9702	GA: I Mean Its Just A Funny Thing To Say Dont You Think
9703	AG: ::::P
9704	GA: Its Ok To Be Dangerous
9705	GA: Lots Of People Are
9706	GA: And Dangerous People Can Be Really Important
9707	GA: Maybe Even The Most Important Sometimes
9708	GA: But It Just Means Theres Got To Be Someone Around To Keep An Eye On Them
9709	GA: And If Not Me Then Who
9710	GA: Everyone Has An Important Job To Do
9711	AG: Ok, so you're spying on me. Kind of creepy! Man, m8y8e you should get a l8fe.
9712	AG: Or you know, if you're so h8gh 8nd might8 an8 th8nk you're so gr8at, m8y88 you c8uld oh I d8n't kn8w........
9713	AG: TRY AND ST8P ME FROM DO8NG B8D THINGS????????
9714	GA: That Wouldnt Work
9715	GA: If I Tried To Stop You You Would Regard Me As An Enemy
9716	GA: Instead Of Merely As A Nuisance
9717	GA: And What Good Would That Do
9718	GA: So Im Afraid Mcfussyfangs It Must Be
9719	AG: U88888888h!
9720	AG: Ok, gr8. Fine! I'm going to check on my lusus now.
9721	AG: 8ut I'm starting to think you are full of shit, and I am quite sure she will 8e QU8TE FIN8!
9722	GA: Youre Right Anything Can Happen I Guess
9723	GA: But Just So You Know Im Sorry For Your Loss In Advance
9724	AG: Aaaaaaaah!
9725	AG: Man, why d8dn't I just get th8 last w8rd and sign off real qu8ck like I usu8lly do????????
9726	AG: Let you sne8k th8t stink8n' littl8 ninja quip in th8r8. Ah! So m8d.
9727	AG: Lousy st8pid godd8mn supportive fri8nd!
9728	You go down the like fifty million stairs to her nest below. You wonder if any other kid on the planet has such a high maintenance lusus? You DOUBT it.
9729	You pass by one of your completed doomsday devices. You promised you'd build it for an especially powerful and influential member of the nautical aristocracy, in return for his collusion during your campaigns. Some guy you were in cahoots with! You guess none of it matter now though.
9730	It was tough to build, and isn't perfect yet. Luckily one of your pals nearby is pretty handy with technology. He can be tapped for parts and favors frequently.
9731	You wonder if any other kid on the planet has as many irons in the fire as you.
9732	YOU DOUBT IT.
9733	See, look at this. She's fine. Fine and huge and hungry as ever.
9734	You... guess you're relieved? Yes, of course. Whew! Why wouldn't you be. It would be devastating if anything happened to your dear sweet custodian.
9735	You guess there's no delaying this guy's introduction anymore.
9736	As long as we're in the neighborhood.
9737	Your name is EQUIUS ZAHHAK.
9738	You love being STRONG.
9739	You are so strong, you would surely be the class of the elite legion of RUFFIANNIHILATORS. And while such a calling would be quite honorable, you would prefer to join the ranks of the ARCHERADICATORS, perhaps the most noble echelon the imperial forces have to offer. Unfortunately, you SUCK AT ARCHERY. You have not successfully fired a SINGLE ARROW. Every time you try, you BREAK THE BOW. You are simply too strong. You have broken so many bows, it has developed into a habit BORDERING ON FETISHISTIC. You have to stop. But addiction is a powerful thing.
9740	You have a great appreciation for THE FINE ARTS. You use your aristocratic connections to acquire PRICELESS MASTERPIECES, painted in the oldest and most respected Alternian tradition of NUDE MUSCLEBEAST PORTRAITS. These striking depictions of the EXQUISITE FAUNA native to Alternia remind you of the PUREST PHYSICAL IDEAL that must be sought by anyone who professes a LOVE OF STRENGTH. When those of lesser bloodlines turn up their uncultured noses at such stunning material, it MAKES YOU FURIOUS.
9741	Practically everything MAKES YOU FURIOUS. You have so much rage, it can only be expressed through STAGGERING QUANTITIES OF PHYSICAL VIOLENCE. You build strong and sturdy robots, set them to kill mode, and BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF THEM in caged brawls. Sometimes you LOSE TEETH. But they usually grow back.
9742	Your trolltag is centaursTesticle and with your bow and arrow ever at the ready, you D --> Take e%ception to 100d language unbefitting of b100 b100ds
9743	What will you do?
9744	Now where did that craven excuse for a custodian go. It makes you furious when he goes missing like this. Probably off somewhere nursing his bruises. You swear, the old boy is made of glass. You are starting to get agitated.
9745	Aurthour! Where are you???
9746	Oh, there he is. He was just preparing an ice cold glass of nutritious LUSUS MILK for you, with a thick foamy head on it, just the way you like it.
9747	You cannot hope to beat Aurthour in a butler-off. He is simply the best there is.
9748	You accept the frosty beverage and give the good fellow a grateful pat, as gently as possible.
9749	Seriously, he's like a soft summer peach.
9750	Lusus milk is the secret to being STRONG.
9751	Actually it isn't. You like to think that though. The truth is you're really strong because you're kind of a freak. You were chosen by one of the strongest lusus species on the planet. It was the only sort of custodian that could handle raising you.
9752	Whoops there goes the glass, as usual.
9753	And as usual, it sends you into a rage. The spilled milk quickly evaporates.
9754	Got to do something to calm yourself down. Let off some steam.
9755	You mean equip.
9756	A little archery practice ought to cool you off. But of course the piece of shit snaps like a twig the moment you pick it up.
9757	Actually, the feel of the brittle wood giving way under the astonishing might of your mangrit is starting to calm you down already.
9758	You equip it to your 1/2BOWKIND SPECIBUS, which is pretty much useless.
9759	You also keep a plain old BOWKIND SPECIBUS in the event that you are able to fire an arrow some day. Because a boy can dream, right?
9760	But for more practical purposes, you keep a FISTKIND card on hand. You stow them all in your STRIFE PORTFOLIO.
9761	Remember the STRIFE PORTFOLIO? It still exists. It didn't stop existing or anything.
9762	You proceed to have a conversation we read not all that long ago. It went mostly like this.
9763	CT: D --> Yes AC: :33 < no CT: D --> Yes AC: :33 < no CT: D --> Yes AC: :33 < no CT: D --> Yes AC: :33 < no CT: D --> Yes AC: :33 < no CT: D --> Yes AC: :33 < no CT: D --> Yes AC: :33 < no
9764	But when all was said and done, you are quite sure you convinced your good friend to stay on the right team. Not the team full of degenerates with swill coursing through their veins. You're starting to get worked up again.
9765	Routine helps calm you down. Maybe you will talk to another friend. You talk to him every day for some reason. Though it's not exactly right to call him a friend, since you despise him. Your relationship with the fellow is difficult to describe.
9766	It should be noted that in troll language, the word for friend is exactly the same as the word for enemy.
9767	CT: D --> Have I ever told you what a reprehensible disgrace you are
9768	TC: hAhA, fUcK yEaH, oNlY eVeRy MoThErFuCkIn DaY bRo!
9769	CT: D --> I'm not in a very good mood
9770	CT: D --> There are a few things I'd like to get off my chest
9771	TC: MoThErFuCkIn SpIlL iT, dOn'T bE aLl KeEpIn ThAt ShIt BoTtLeD uP
9772	TC: lIkE a FuCkIn AlL sHaKeD uP bOtTlE oF fAyGo.
9773	TC: FuCk DoGg I'm ThIrStY.
9774	TC: i'M dOwN tO mY lAsT bOtTlE aNd I dOn'T fUcKiN kNoW iF i CaN gEt AnYmOrE iN tHiS mOtHeRfUcKiN mAgIc LaNd So I dOn'T kNoW.
9775	CT: D --> What you do appear to know is e%actly how to ma%imize my livid contempt for you
9776	CT: D --> With your revolting language and your sense of decorum
9777	CT: D --> At such breathtaking odds with the richness and perfe%ion of your b100d
9778	CT: D --> I just hate you so much
9779	TC: ThAt'S cOoL, i CaN't AlL bE mAkInG nOt EvErYbOdY hApPy AlL tHe TiMe.
9780	TC: iF wE eVeR mEt I cOuLd BaKe YoU a FuCkIn PiE aNd We CoUlD cHiLl AnD mAyBe We'D bE bEtTeR bRoS tHaT wAy.
9781	CT: D --> And the degrees to which you pollute your precious b100d
9782	CT: D --> With your bottled fizzy sugar and soporific to%ins
9783	CT: D --> Maddening
9784	CT: D --> You will stop
9785	TC: WhOaAaA, i WiLl?
9786	TC: hOw Do YoU kNoW tHaT?
9787	CT: D --> No, you don't understand
9788	CT: D --> It's not a predi%ion, it's an order
9789	CT: D --> I command you to stop
9790	TC: Oh, AlRiGhT bRoThEr.
9791	TC: yOu MoThErFuCkIn GoT iT.
9792	CT: D --> What
9793	CT: D --> Are you serious
9794	TC: yEaH.
9795	TC: I mEaN, yOu GoT tO sHoW sOmE fAiTh In YoUr FrIeNdS, cAuSe ThEy'Re AlL tHe OnEs WhO'rE bEiNg To LoOk OuT fOr YoU.
9796	TC: sO fUcK iF yOu SaY i'M nOt DoInG tHe ShIt RiGhT, tHeN wHaT tHe MoThErFuCk Do I kNoW!
9797	CT: D --> No
9798	CT: D --> This is una%eptable
9799	CT: D --> Ok, let's start over
9800	CT: D --> I apologize
9801	CT: D --> I was completely out of of line, and I'm sorry
9802	CT: D --> I have no right to talk to you like that, or tell you what you can't do
9803	TC: aWw, No WoRrIeS!
9804	CT: D --> It's not my place
9805	CT: D --> Your habits notwithstanding, I am lesser than you
9806	CT: D --> An inferior
9807	TC: hAhAhA. oK.
9808	CT: D --> Don't you understand that you're better than me
9809	CT: D --> Can you please act like it
9810	CT: D --> That's not a command, it's just a polite request I guess
9811	TC: oK, i CaN tRy, BuT mAn I dOn'T kNoW iF i KnOw HoW tO bE lIkE a BeTtEr MoThErFuCkEr ThAn AnY oThEr MoThErFuCkEr.
9812	CT: D --> 100k, it isn't that difficult
9813	CT: D --> Try to be cognizant of your desires and needs
9814	CT: D --> And attempt to regard those around you as simple vehicles meant to bring about your gratification
9815	TC: WoW, wHaT?
9816	CT: D --> What are you doing
9817	TC: uHhHhHh.
9818	CT: D --> Right now
9819	CT: D --> It sounds as if you have begun playing with the red team
9820	CT: D --> Is this true
9821	TC: yEaH!
9822	TC: fUcK yEaH. i'M aLl Up In ThE fUcKiN sHiT oF tHiS wIcKeD mYsTiCaL mOtHeRfUcKeR.
9823	TC: i BoNkEd An ImP oN tHe HeAd WiTh A cLuB.
9824	TC: AnD tHeN a LiTtLe LaTeR i ScArEd OnE wItH a HoRn.
9825	TC: :o)
9826	CT: D --> Good
9827	CT: D --> This is very good
9828	CT: D --> It really pleases me to hear tales of physical subjugation
9829	CT: D --> I presume these were lesser beings, toiling in the lower ranks of some hierarchy
9830	TC: wElL yEaH, tHeY'rE uNdErLiNgS.
9831	TC: AnD tHeRe'S SoMe SuBjUgGlAtIoN iNvOlVeD fOr FuCkIn SuRe!
9832	TC: bUt NoW wE kInD oF sEtTlEd DoWn AnD mE aNd ThE iMpS aRe ShArInG sOmE pIe
9833	TC: tHeSe MoThErFuCkErS aRe PrEtTy DoPe AcTuAlLy, I lIkE tHeM.
9834	CT: D --> Ok
9835	CT: D --> It pleases me considerably less to hear things like that
9836	CT: D --> But I've already stated I have no right to be disappointed by your conduct, so I will try to control myself
9837	TC: aW sHiT bRo, I dOn'T wAnT tO bE aLl LiKe To DiSaPpOiNt YoU!
9838	TC: WhAt CaN i Do To MaKe A bRoThEr FuCkIn ShApE hIs ShIt Up?
9839	TC: iF i CoUlD mAkE yOu SmIlE iT'd Be ThE bEsT fUcKiN mIrAcLe I eVeR dId PaRt Of.
9840	TC: hOnK hOnK hOnK! :o)
9841	CT: D --> Hmm
9842	CT: D --> Would it be too much to ask
9843	CT: D --> For you to maybe
9844	CT: D --> Boss me around a little
9845	TC: UuUhHhHhH.
9846	TC: yOu MeAn LiKe RoLe PlAyInG?
9847	CT: D --> If it would help to couch it in those terms
9848	CT: D --> Then yeah, I guess so
9849	CT: D --> But not the especially juvenile kind
9850	CT: D --> Let's keep it serious and professional
9851	TC: i'Ll TrY, bUt I'm NoT mUcH fUcKiN aNy GoOd At It I tHiNk.
9852	CT: D --> Just
9853	CT: D --> Say anything
9854	CT: D --> As long as it's authoritative
9855	TC: oK.
9856	TC: uH, hEy YoU, dOn'T gO nEaR tHe MoThErFuCkIn OcEaN, cAuSe I aLl ToLd YoU nOt To A bUnCh Of TiMeS!
9857	TC: ShIt Is StRaIgHt Up DaNgErOuS, aNd I'm GeTtInG mY hArSh On AbOuT iT.
9858	CT: D --> Hmm
9859	CT: D --> Decent
9860	CT: D --> I don't live near the ocean though, so it's hard to immerse myself in the scenario
9861	TC: aLrIgHt, WeLl, WhAt ArEn'T yOu AlL nOt SuPpOsEd To Do?
9862	TC: WhAt KiNd Of MiScHiEf Do YoU gEt YoUr BaD fUcKiN sElF uP tO?
9863	CT: D --> I do so many bad things
9864	CT: D --> Just awful things
9865	CT: D --> I'm incredibly impudent and a superior needs to put me in my place
9866	TC: uMmMm, Ok WeLl.
9867	TC: DoN't Be DoIn AlL tHoSe BaD fUcKiN tHiNgS bRo!
9868	CT: D --> Yes
9869	CT: D --> Yes, that's good
9870	CT: D --> Like that
9871	TC: cUt ThAt ShIt OuT, i'M sO aLl MeAnInG tHiS! hAhAhA.
9872	CT: D --> E%cellent
9873	CT: D --> Now tell me this, highb100d
9874	CT: D --> I've been roughhousing a little too hard lately
9875	CT: D --> I've made a bit of a mess and anyone in a position of authority would surely be % about it
9876	TC: Uh.
9877	TC: %?
9878	CT: D --> Cross
9879	TC: oHhH.
9880	CT: D --> What do you make of it
9881	CT: D --> This wretched misbehavior
9882	TC: fUcK mAn, I aM sO mOtHeRfUcKiN sAlTy AbOuT aLl ThAt BuSiNeSs YoU sAiD!
9883	TC: FuUuUuCk, Im LiKe AlL mOvInG mY mOuTh AnD tHe WiCkEd NoIsE iS cOmInG oUt In ThE fRoNtIeSt WaY pOsSiBlE.
9884	TC: aNd It'S gOiNg At YoUr DiReCtIoN, cAuSe ThAt'S tHe DiReCtIoN tO fUcKiN bE aNgRy At!
9885	CT: D --> Yes
9886	CT: D --> So good
9887	CT: D --> I am presently whipped into a state of contrition
9888	CT: D --> One befitting of our class disparity
9889	CT: D --> But I'm starting to perspire again so it's best that we stop
9890	CT: D --> Thank you for indulging me
9891	TC: hAhA, nO pRoBlEm BrO.
9892	TC: It'S cOoL wE cOuLd AlL uP aNd MoThErFuCkIn OpEn Up A lItTlE bIt WiTh EaCh OtHeR.
9893	TC: lIkE bRoS.
9894	TC: If ThErE's StUfF yOu WaNt To GeT oFf YoUr ChEsT dUdE, lIkE i SaId I'm FuCkIn HeRe FoR a MoThErFuCkEr.
9895	TC: kInD oF lIkE a MiRaClE, hOw It'S aLwAyS tHeRe.
9896	TC: It NeVeR gOeS aWaY, yOu KnOw?
9897	CT: D --> No
9898	CT: D --> But I comprehend the sentiment
9899	CT: D --> I have lots of thoughts, but they're difficult to communicate
9900	CT: D --> If you'll listen
9901	TC: sUrE! :oD
9902	CT: D --> Honestly I'm confused by the social order
9903	TC: mAn, Me ToO. i DoN't KnOw WhAt Of FuCkIn WhAt CoLoR iS wHaT, sO i DoN't BoThEr WiTh ThInKiN oN tHaT mOtHeRfUcKeR.
9904	CT: D --> See, that's what I mean
9905	CT: D --> How is it possible for one of your distin%ion to be so ignorant
9906	CT: D --> And loathesome
9907	CT: D --> Whereas
9908	CT: D --> A member of the most abject, verminous b100dline of all
9909	CT: D --> Can conduct herself with such grace and possess nothing but admirable mannerisms
9910	CT: D --> I find these striking ju%tapositions perple%ing, and I confess strangely into%icating
9911	CT: D --> I wonder if I have gone mad
9912	CT: D --> To form such a pact with her
9913	TC: WoW, i GoT nO fUcKiN cLuE wHaT yOu'Re TaLkInG aBoUt
9914	TC: wHo Is ShE?
9915	CT: D --> I shouldn't be talking about this
9916	CT: D --> You're the enemy
9917	AG: Equiiiiiiiiuuuuuuuus.
9918	CT: D --> What
9919	AG: Hey! I'm a8out to meddle with so many losers right now.
9920	CT: D --> How many
9921	AG: So many! All the losers. All of them.
9922	CT: D --> Good
9923	CT: D --> Use your cunning and venom to make them envy our nobility
9924	AG: Oh man, was that sarcasm? That sounded like sarcasm!
9925	CT: D --> No
9926	CT: D --> Humorous insincerity is for pedantic wigglers
9927	AG: Pshhhhhhhh, I know! I know you never make jokes. I was the one 8eing sarcastic, you stooge!
9928	AG: I was 8eing sarcastic a8out you 8eing sarcastic. Duh.
9929	CT: D --> That's because you're a little worse than me
9930	AG: The fuck I am! Anyway. Hey!
9931	AG: Did you finish Aradia's present yet? I'm a8out to fuss with her and I want to know if I can keep my promise or if you're gonna make a liar out of me.
9932	CT: D --> It's finished
9933	CT: D --> I'll deliver it shortly
9934	AG: Great! Thanks, 8uddy. I'll 8e w8ting here for you.
9935	CT: D --> I'm happy to help
9936	CT: D --> But I don't understand why you're intent on gratifying that worthless peasant
9937	AG: 8ecause I promised I would and it's none of your damn 8usiness! Man.
9938	AG: Quit your prying! Always fidgeting and poking and prying.
9939	CT: D --> Fine
9940	CT: D --> Then let's proceed with the plan in a curt and professional manner
9941	AG: Agreeeeeeeed.
9942	AG: So just to review!
9943	AG: We will let Aradia perpetr8 her cute little ploy on Sollux and usurp his power.
9944	CT: D --> Yes
9945	AG: Isn't it funny when these chumps try to get all tactical and underhanded? It's really adora8le!
9946	CT: D --> I guess it is pretty quaint
9947	AG: Anyway. She makes her little powergra8, and that's when we 8oth step in and usurp her as co-leaders.
9948	AG: Right????????
9949	CT: D --> That's the plan
9950	AG: Ok, good. Then the 8est team will 8e led 8y the two highest 8loods, the way it should 8e!
9951	AG: Or at least, the highest 8loods who aren't shitty clown worshippers or under water freaks. Sound good?
9952	CT: D --> Yes, we're in absolute agreement
9953	AG: Yes.
9954	CT: D --> Yes
9955	AG: Yes.
9956	CT: D --> Yes
9957	AG: Yeeeeeeees!!!!!!!!
9958	CT: D --> Stop
9959	AG: Gr8! What a gr8 team we are.
9960	AG: Heeeeeeeey........
9961	AG: You wouldn't 8e planning anything sneaky, would you????????
9962	CT: D --> No, don't be absurd
9963	CT: D --> Are you
9964	AG: What! How could you suggest such a thing! Man, so insulting.
9965	CT: D --> Ok
9966	AG: Perfect. We have the perfect plan, and no one is plotting any sort of dou8lecrossings or 8acksta88ery or anything like that.
9967	CT: D --> There are no %%ings up my sleeve
9968	CT: D --> Also, I don't have sleeves
9969	CT: D --> I am as transparent as can be, and my word is my bond
9970	AG: I know! Don't worry, dude. I trust you completely.
9971	CT: D --> You know
9972	CT: D --> I can feel you trying to read my mind
9973	AG: 8ullshit!
9974	AG: Pro8a8ly just another one of your many daily rage aneurysms.
9975	AG: Why don't you cool your jets and have a glass of gross muscle8east milk????????
9976	CT: D --> Get out of my head, it's making me angry
9977	CT: D --> Try to remember who built your arm for you
9978	AG: Oh g8d!
9979	AG: D8n't you d8re!!!!!!!!
9980	You delve deeper into your hive where you store many of your robotic projects. The lair doubles as the caged arena where you battle them.
9981	Under the tarp is the completed gift. You of course have no intention of delivering this to your neighbor as promised. You naturally will doublecross your accomplice, just as you assume she has plans to doublecross you. You assume she is assuming the same of you. Business as usual for blue bloods.
9982	You will deliver it to Aradia yourself to gain her favor, and then doublecross her and take your rightful position as team leader. How ironic that someone of your blood purity must work to win the favor of the lowest sort of peasant. Humiliating. Strangely titillating, even. But in the end, class order will be restored.
9983	You reveal her sparkling new chassis. You have paid a great deal of attention to quality and detail in this model. She is perfect.
9984	You don't know what to make of the feelings she stirs. For one like you to entertain thoughts of attraction for such genetic filth would be utter depravity.
9985	Exquisite, delectable depravity.
9986	Why, Aradia. It appears the red glass of your eye has caught the pink and green glint of the moons in their perigees. The sweet poetry almost makes a man forget how the grime that once filled your veins made his stomach turn. It is a good omen for illicit lovers. Could you imagine the scandal if anyone found out?? No one must ever know.
9987	But worry not. Your heart will pump no more of that despicable red sludge. You have been given a new heart. You can be taught the ways of the class you were always meant for. No one is beyond redemption.
9988	Be grateful, dear Aradia. For the first time in your meaningless life you have met a man with true compassion.
9989	And just what do you think YOU'RE looking at??? Keep your cold, mechanical judgment to yourself. As if your own record is so spotless! Don't forget who made you. Oh, what's that? My, that is a smart mouth you have. That was the last straw. An example must be made of this insubordination.
9990	The CATENATIVE DOOMSDAY DICE CASCADER is unfortuitously activated.
9991	The lousy thing breaks.
9992	You seriously cannot believe how unbelievably shitty this doomsday device is.
9993	AURTHOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUR!
9994	AG: It looks like tonight we will have to 8reak our truce. Or at least suspend it. Hope you don't mind!
9995	GC: HOW DO YOU F1GUR3 TH4T
9996	AG: Because tonight we will play a game together. For the first time in I don't even know. Forever!
9997	GC: TH3 TRUC3 W4SNT 4BOUT NOT PL4Y1NG G4M3S TOG3TH3R DUMMY
9998	GC: 1T W4S 4BOUT NOT ST4BB1NG 34CH OTH3R 1N TH3 B4CK 4NYMOR3
9999	GC: 4ND STOPP1NG TH3 3NDL3SS CYCL3 OF R3V3NG3
10000	GC: 4ND 4BOV3 4LL NOT US1NG YOUR POW3RS TO HURT P3OPL3 WHO DONT D3S3RV3 1T!
10001	AG: Man, you like to give me such a hard time a8out all that. I can't catch a 8reak!
10002	AG: Can't you see I'm trying to put all that 8ehind me and make amends with every8ody?
10003	AG: No, of course you can't see that. What am I saying!
10004	GC: 1T'S H4RD TO B3L13V3 YOU W1TH 4LL TH3 LY1NG YOUV3 DON3
10005	GC: YOUR BLU3B3RRY BUBBL3GUM WORDS ST1LL SM3LL PR3TTY GOOD BUT YOUR D3C31T ST1NKS! >8O
10006	AG: ::::(
10007	AG: I'll prove it to you. I'm giving Aradia a present that will make her feel all 8etter finally.
10008	AG: Then I'll 8e in the clear. Phew! Totally redeemed. You'll see. I mean smell.
10009	GC: 1 DONT KNOW WHY YOUR3 BOTH3R1NG TRY1NG TO H3LP H3R
10010	GC: SH3 WONT C4R3
10011	GC: WH4T3V3R 1T W4S YOU D1D TO H3R 1 TH1NK YOU BROK3 H3R BR41N
10012	GC: 1TS SO T3RR1BL3
10013	AG: Man, why can't you cut me some slack for once????????
10014	AG: It's not like I even did anything that 8ad to you.
10015	AG: I lost seven eyes 8ut you only lost two! I would say you came out ahead in the 8argain.
10016	GC: 1 KNOW
10017	GC: 4ND 4CTU4LLY
10018	GC: 1 N3V3R R34LLY GOT TH3 CH4NC3 TO TH4NK YOU >:D
10019	AG: Ugh! Your sarcasm really stings when here I am just trying to 8e nice. Ok, I guess I deserve it.
10020	GC: 1M S3R1OUS THOUGH
10021	GC: BUT 1 DONT 3XP3CT YOU TO G3T TH4T
10022	AG: Aaaaaaaah!
10023	AG: Fine, 8e that way. But you shouldn't sit there and pretend we're so different.
10024	AG: Remem8er Team Scourge? How convenient all that must 8e to have forgotten! You were so nasty.
10025	AG: Oh man, if you crossed Terezi Pyrope you were fucked!!!!!!!!
10026	GC: Y34H 1F YOU W3R3 4 B4D GUY
10027	GC: W3 W3R3 SUPPOS3D TO B3 L1K3 4 V1G1L4NT3 DUO D1SP3NS1NG JUST1C3
10028	GC: 4ND YOU COULD T4K3 TH3 B4D GUYS HOM3 4ND F33D TH3M TO YOUR STUP1D SP1D3R
10029	GC: BUT 1NST34D YOU JUST F3D H3R 3V3RYBODY!
10030	GC: 4ND L13D 4ND L13D 4ND L13D
10031	AG: Yeah, those were the days.
10032	AG: I mean, days full of mist8kes and r8gret!
10033	AG: But it was still a lot of fun. Watching you dismantle huge teams of Flarpers with nothing 8ut politics and head games.
10034	AG: Without even using any special powers! Wow.
10035	GC: M3H
10036	AG: Come oooooooon!
10037	AG: What do I have to do here?
10038	GC: 1 DUNNO
10039	AG: Well if you want to know what I think, you should start changing your tune.
10040	AG: Cause even though you got all these highfalutin morals and fancy reserv8tions, you know as well as me that a killer is a killer is a killer!
10041	AG: There 8n't no ch8nging your ways for good, and one d8y you're going to flail that silly l8ttle cane of yours and not find n8thin to 8ump into, and fall f8ce first into the shit ag8in.
10042	AG: And you're going to do something t8rri8le to some8ody and wish you could t8ke it 8ack 8ut you c8n't!!!!!!!!
10043	AG: And then you'll work hard to win 8ack their trust, and you'll try and try and tr8, and you'll see how hard it is!
10044	AG: You'll seeeeeeee!
10045	GC: 1 DOUBT 1T
10046	AG: You'll see.
10047	AG: I am whispering that and it is echoing and ominous.
10048	AG: You'll seeeeeeee........
10049	AG: You'll seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
10050	AG: eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee........
10051	GC: OH W1LL YOU C4N 1T S3RK3T!
10052	AG: Hahahahahahahaha.
10053	GC: >XO
10054	AG: Whoa, what was that????????
10055	GC: WH4T W4S WH4T
10056	AG: There was a loud noise outside my hive!
10057	AG: It sounded like an explosion.
10058	GC: WOW R34LLY
10059	AG: And then another one!
10060	AG: And now something that sounds like an avalanche!!!!!!!!
10061	GC: W3LL 1F 1 H4D TO GU3SS
10062	GC: 1 WOULD S4Y
10063	GC: 1T W4S PROB4BLY TWO 3XPLOS1ONS 4ND TH3N 4N 4V4L4NCH3
10064	AG: That dum8ass is probably punching ro8ots again.
10065	AG: I will go outside and look.
10066	GC: OK
10067	GC: TRY NOT TO G3T BURN3D OR CRUSH3D TO D34TH OR 4NYTH1NG TH4T WOULD B3 4WFUL
10068	AG: You got it! ::::::::)
10069	GC: HOW 1S H3
10070	AA: 0k
10071	AA: he cant walk th0ugh
10072	AA: pr0bably never will
10073	GC: >:[
10074	GC: M4YB3 H3 COULD B3 F1X3D
10075	GC: W1TH ROBO PROSTH3T1CS
10076	GC: 1F YOU D1DNT M1ND G3TT1NG H3LP FROM...
10077	GC: UH >:\
10078	AA: n0!
10079	AA: neither he 0r i sh0uld have ever had anything t0 d0 with th0se hateful sn0bs
10080	AA: it was a big mistake
10081	AA: n0 0ffense 0_0
10082	GC: TH4TS OK
10083	GC: 1M 4 L1TTL3 TOO T34L FOR TH31R T4ST3S 4NYW4Y >:]
10084	AA: i d0nt see why theyd lift a finger t0 help him
10085	AA: they hate us b0th s0 much
10086	AA: im s0 mad!
10087	GC: 1 HOP3 YOUR3 NOT TH1NK1NG OF DO1NG 4NYTH1NG 1N R3T4L14T1ON
10088	GC: 1TLL 3ND B4DLY
10089	GC: YOU SHOULD L3T M3 H4NDL3 1T
10090	AA: im n0t scared 0f her
10091	AA: she cant c0ntr0l me
10092	AA: shes tried it d0esnt w0rk
10093	GC: 1 KNOW
10094	GC: BUT TRUST M3 1F YOU P1SS H3R OFF SH3LL F1ND 4 W4Y TO G3T YOU
10095	GC: TH1S 1S R34LLY TR1CKY JUST L3T M3 D34L W1TH 1T
10096	AA: but it was my fault
10097	AA: i was distracted when i c0uld have helped him
10098	GC: 1 W4S TOO
10099	GC: W3 W3R3 BOTH D1STR4CT3D BY TH3 S4M3 TH1NG
10100	AA: yeah
10101	AA: wh0 was he anyway
10102	GC: PR3TTY SUR3 1T WAS VR1SKAS FR13ND
10103	AA: what was he d0ing there
10104	AA: watching us
10105	GC: WHO KNOWS
10106	GC: H3S NOT R34LLY H3R FR13ND THOUGH
10107	GC: YOU SHOULD S33 HOW H3 T4LKS 4BOUT H3R B3H1ND H3R B4CK
10108	GC: SH3 H4S NO 1D34 HOW B4D H3S PL4Y1NG H3R
10109	GC: BUT TH3N 1 DONT TH1NK H3 KNOWS HOW B4D SH3S PL4Y1NG H1M 31TH3R
10110	GC: S33 1TS COMPL1C4T3D
10111	GC: YOU R34LLY N33D TO ST4Y OUT OF 1T 4ND L3T M3 D34L W1TH TH1S
10112	AA: i guess s0
10113	AA: i feel p0werless sitting here d0ing n0thing th0ugh
10114	AA: its like she wins even if y0u get her back!
10115	GC: DONT TH1NK OF 1T TH4T W4Y
10116	GC: 1 KNOW HOW TO STOP H3R
10117	GC: TRUST M3
10118	AA: i guess 0ur gaming days are 0ver then
10119	AA: us f0ur at least
10120	GC: Y3P
10121	GC: 1M PR3TTY MUCH DON3 W1TH H3R
10122	It's probably best you listen to the advice of your friend.
10123	And yet, the voices are as lucid as ever. They urge you to make her pay.
10124	It's a shame it had to come to this. You don't like summoning the spirits of the dead to settle scores.
10125	But if she had to face her victims again, maybe she'd finally learn to feel remorse.
10126	Well?
10127	AG: Well what! I am surrounded 8y ghosts and kind of fre8king out a8out it!
10128	I know.
10129	I'm asking what you intend to do about it.
10130	AG: I don't know, I guess I will just curl into a little 8all and cry and hope they go aw8y!
10131	AG: Is that what you want to hear you sick f8ck????????
10132	Aren't you going to kill her?
10133	AG: Who????????
10134	Your friend.
10135	The one who summoned the spirits.
10136	AG: Will that make them go away?
10137	Does it matter?
10138	She brought them here to torment you. This obviously warrants revenge.
10139	You know you're going to anyway. You won't be able to help yourself.
10140	AG: I don't have to do shit!
10141	AG: May8e I don't mind ghosts. May8e they'll 8e gr8 company once I get used to them!
10142	No, they are terrifying you.
10143	There's only one thing to do.
10144	AG: Ok, so why don't YOU kill her! 8e my guest! Wow, thanks for offering. Wh8t a pal!
10145	That's not how I work.
10146	AG: Oh really, well you seemed pretty excited a8out killing Tavros too.
10147	AG: And you even helped! So I guess that is how you work after all.
10148	Not really.
10149	All I did was stand somewhere for a few minutes.
10150	I just gave you an opportunity to do something you wanted to do anyway.
10151	You hated him, remember?
10152	AG: I know I did! I still do, I guess. I dunno.
10153	AG: 8ut I was never gonna kill these people. They were like, off limits I guess?
10154	AG: These games were just supposed to 8e fun and serve no other purpose!
10155	They were serving a very important purpose.
10156	AG: Yeah ok, you getting off on talking a girl into killing her 8uddies sure is important!
10157	AG: Los8r.
10158	Again, I didn't talk you into anything, nor am I doing so now.
10159	You were, and are, going to do this regardless.
10160	I only ever place myself into positions of tangential involvement with events that will bring about my employer's entry into this universe.
10161	I oversee the events as they take place, and ever so slightly nudge them into motion when necessary.
10162	AG: I'm 8eginning to think you really 8elieve that! So delusion8l. You're just a path8tic, lonely gamer who 8uys into his own character profile 8S.
10163	The omniscient have no need for beliefs and no room for delusion.
10164	AG: Hahahahahahahaha!
10165	AG: You're the dum8est omniscient person I ever met.
10166	AG: Sure you know a lot, 8ut I know for a FACT there's stuff you don't know.
10167	That's true.
10168	But the gaps in my knowledge exist by design.
10169	They are the pillars of shadow on which my comprehensive vision is built.
10170	Necessary pockets of void meant to effectuate outcomes I've foreseen and which will require my influence.
10171	Each dark pocket, in time, will be filled.
10172	But I wonder why I waste this nuance on you.
10173	AG: 8ecause you need to add more 8l8tant lies to patch up all the holes in your sad cover story.
10174	I don't lie.
10175	Deception is only necessary for those like you to achieve their objectives.
10176	I play with my cards face up.
10177	Isn't it funny how during our various matches, I can tell you what my moves will be in advance, and still win?
10178	AG: ::::P
10179	AG: Yeah, 8ut I'm getting closer to 8eating you. You'll see.
10180	Look at that. The short amount of time I have reserved for arguing with a child has expired.
10181	I will go.
10182	But maybe you're right. Maybe you are a person with free will and you won't kill your friend.
10183	What do I know?
10184	Enjoy your haunting.
10185	Of course he's right. Not much point in living with all these moaning spooks just to spite some guy you don't give a shit about.
10186	But how to go about it? Can't control her. It can be difficult to manipulate the mind of the psychically gifted.
10187	Let's see, who else is there. Terezi? Forget about it! What about that guy? Nah. Her? Nope. Not him either.
10188	How about this guy? Unfortunately, you can only control him about half the time.
10189	Then again, that should be all the time you need.
10190	AG: Araaaaaaaadiiiiiiiiaaaaaaaa.
10191	AA: what
10192	AG: Nice trick! With the ghosts and all. Man, you got me pretty good.
10193	AA: id rather n0t talk t0 y0u
10194	AG: Fair enough!
10195	AG: Just wanted to say I'm sorry, that's all.
10196	AA: im n0t the 0ne y0u sh0uld ap0l0gize t0
10197	AG: Yeah I know. I'll make it up to him some day. Don't worry!
10198	AG: Anyway, hey guess what?
10199	AG: I've got a message for you from your 8oyfriend.
10200	AG: He's outside your hive right now!
10201	AA: n0t falling f0r it
10202	AG: Take a look.
10203	AA: i d0nt see anything 0ut there
10204	AG: Well ok, I'm just the messenger. If you want to risk missing him then suit yourself.
10205	AG: L8er!!!!!!!!
10206	It must be a trick! He surely would have told you if he was making the trip all the way out here from his hive stem.
10207	Sollux??
10208	AG: Arrivederci, Megido.
10209	You try to be the white text guy, but fail to be the white text guy. No one can be the white text guy except for the white text guy.
10210	The white text guy is known as Doc Scratch.
10211	He is an officer of an indestructible demon known as L<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/o.gif" border="0" />rd English. His job is to pave the way for the arrival of his master, who will be summoned upon the termination of the universe. He has worked at this task for many centuries, and will continue to do so until THE GREAT UNDOING.
10212	Scratch is Alternia's FIRST GUARDIAN. Every planet destined for intelligent life has such an entity meant to protect it, and facilitate the planet's ultimate purpose. A first guardian is typically almost as old as the planet itself, and each has a unique, circuitous origin through the knots of paradox space. They can be born into a great diversity of forms, though they all share a common, especially potent genetic sequence. The code grants them near omnipotence, and when merged with a host of great intelligence, near omniscience as well.
10213	What will he do?
10214	It's up to him. All we can do is stand here.
10215	And watch.
10216	What's he up to now? Hard to say since we're not telling him what to do. Guardians can never be told what to do. Neither the omnipotent kind, nor the ordinary kind who raise kids in houses. It's a universal law of reality.
10217	Looks like he's pondering over his next move in a game he is playing with some wicked troll girl down on the planet. Usually these matches are no contest, but she has been getting closer to beating him lately, and he has no idea how this is possible.
10218	Uncertainty, though rare, is quite a troubling sensation for the omniscient.
10219	What's this? It appears someone is contacting him. More bothersome uncertainty. How is it this youngster is able to relay an unsolicited message? He doesn't even have an account name.
10220	GC: H3Y WH1T3 T3XT GUY
10221	GC: 1 H4V3 4 T1P FOR YOU
10222	How were you able to contact me?
10223	Never mind, I figured it out instantly.
10224	GC: R34LLY?
10225	Yes, through my limitless intellect.
10226	Occasionally I discover there are things I have not always known.
10227	It gives me the opportunity to make deductions, which are practically always flawless.
10228	It's gratifying.
10229	GC: UH OK
10230	GC: TH4TS N34T 1 GU3SS
10231	You asked your clever friend with the colorful spectacles to trace the source of my messages.
10232	He then established a relay for your messages to reach this source through some sort of computational proxy.
10233	I gather he has recovered from his implementation as a weapon in the sabotage of your mutual friend, whom you both believe to be dead.
10234	GC: OH MY GOD WH1T3 T3XT GUY!
10235	GC: SHUT UP! >:O
10236	GC: 1M TRY1NG TO G1V3 YOU 4 M3SS4G3 H3R3
10237	I have a name.
10238	It is not White Text Guy.
10239	GC: OH WHAT 1S 1T
10240	I'm not going to tell you my name.
10241	But if you wish, you may refer to me as Mr. Vanilla Milkshake.
10242	GC: YOU 4R3 SO W31RD
10243	GC: WHY WOULD 1 DO TH4T
10244	It is perfectly in keeping with a habit which you will develop in the future.
10245	GC: 1 DOUBT 1T
10246	Why?
10247	GC: SOUNDS K1ND OF S1LLY 4ND FR1VOLOUS
10248	GC: BL4R WHY DO YOU K33P D3R41L1NG M3!
10249	GC: YOUR3 R1GHT SOLLUX 1S WORK1NG W1TH M3 4ND W3 H4V3 1MPORT4NT BUS1N3SS FOR YOU TO CONS1D3R
10250	GC: W41T
10251	GC: YOU S41D W3 B3L13V3 OUR FR13ND 1S D34D
10252	GC: 1S SH3 NOT?
10253	Yes, I said you believe she is dead.
10254	And soon, you will believe she is not.
10255	Both statements are true.
10256	And yet each exhibits a trace of falsehood.
10257	GC: WOW WHY D1D 1 BOTH3R 4SK1NG
10258	GC: NO WOND3R SH3 SN4PP3D SH3S GOT TO D34L W1TH YOUR STUP1D R1DDL3S 4LL TH3 T1M3
10259	GC: 4NYW4Y C4N YOU JUST H3LP M3 G3T R3V3NG3 SO W3 C4N C4LL 1T 4 N1GHT
10260	Why would I involve myself in your paltry feud beyond the extent I already have?
10261	I believe the need to exert such influence has come to an end.
10262	GC: B3C4US3 YOULL W4NT TO
10263	GC: WH3N YOU H34R WH4T 1 H4V3 TO S4Y
10264	I doubt it.
10265	GC: H4V3NT YOU WOND3R3D HOW SH3 C4N COM3 CLOS3 TO B34T1NG YOU 1N G4M3S L4T3LY
10266	GC: HON3STLY 1M SURPR1S3D YOU H4V3NT D3DUC3D 1T Y3T
10267	GC: W1TH YOUR SH1NY WH1T3 SUP3RBR41N
10268	It's disturbing.
10269	But sometimes that is the nature of these hollows in my perception.
10270	It feels a bit like dark water, sloshing about the cavity in my head.
10271	What do you know of this?
10272	GC: SH3S CH34T1NG
10273	GC: SH3 4LW4YS CH34TS 1F SH3 C4N F1ND 4 W4Y
10274	GC: L4T3LY SH3S US3D TH3 S4M3 4DV4NT4G3 SH3 US3S 4G41NST M3 WH3N W3 PL4Y G4M3S
10275	GC: BUT SH3 TOLD M3 4BOUT 1T
10276	GC: SH3 T3LLS M3 LOTS OF STUFF L1K3 TH4T PROB4BLY TO RUB 1T 1N MY F4C3
10277	GC: BUT SH3D N3V3R R1SK T3LL1NG YOU
10278	What advantage is this?
10279	GC: HOLD ON
10280	GC: 1 H4V3 TO T4LK TO YOUR P4RTN3R 1N CR1M3 FOR 4 S3COND >:]
10281	I thought you were hers.
10282	GC: >:P
10283	She went too far this time and she knows it. She's got to pay. Justice is long overdue.
10284	The only sad part is how easy it's going to be. It will take no skilled manipulator to orchestrate her downfall. She's a waste of your talents.
10285	GC: H3Y VR1SK4
10286	GC: 4NYTH1NG TO S4Y
10287	AG: Ummmmmmmmm, no?
10288	AG: A8out what?
10289	GC: 4BOUT K1LL1NG H3R
10290	GC: 4FT3R YOU S41D YOU WOULDNT
10291	AG: Oh, that? I thought we were done talking a8out it!
10292	AG: We concluded I messed up and I'm completely horri8le in every way.
10293	AG: I can only feel SO AWFUL, you know. Here, I'm 8anging my head against the desk now.
10294	AG: 8ang 8ang 8ang. Are you happy?
10295	GC: NOT R34LLY
10296	AG: Uuuuuuuugh, what do you want from me????????
10297	GC: 1M NOT SUR3
10298	GC: 1 GU3SS 1M LOOK1NG FOR SOM3 R34SON TO CH4NG3 MY M1ND
10299	GC: 1 DONT KNOW WH4T YOU C4N S4Y TH4TLL DO 1T
10300	GC: 1 SORT4 HOP3 TH3R3S SOM3TH1NG THOUGH
10301	AG: You should lighten up a 8it. May8e even congratul8 me!
10302	AG: Wow, great jo8 Vriska! Single handedly taking out Team Charge like that.
10303	AG: No more competition from those low class clowns!
10304	GC: N4H TH4T W4SNT 1T
10305	AG: Ok, well, change your mind a8out what!
10306	AG: What are you going to do, Pyrope!
10307	GC: 1 W4S PROB4BLY JUST GO1NG TO K1LL YOU
10308	AG: Hahahahahahahaha!
10309	AG: You mean from your tree? With all your AMAAAAAAAAZING POWERS?
10310	AG: Tell me, what sort of powers do tree girls have? Swinging from vines and stuff?
10311	GC: MY TR33 DO3SNT H4V3 V1N3S >:[
10312	GC: SOM3T1M3S 1 L3T OTH3R P3OPL3 SW1NG FROM ROP3S THOUGH >:]
10313	GC: Y34H 4NYW4Y YOULL B3 D34D 1N 4 COUPL3 M1NUT3S
10314	AG: Yeah right!!!!!!!!
10315	AG: Complete and total muscle8east shit!
10316	GC: 1F YOU DONT B3L13V3 M3
10317	GC: WHY DONT YOU CONSULT W1TH YOUR L1TTL3 4DV4NT4G3
10318	GC: 1T S33MS TO H4V3 4LL TH3 4NSW3RS
10319	AG: I don't need to do that to know you're 8luffing.
10320	GC: Y34H
10321	GC: BUT
10322	GC: YOU KNOW YOUR3 GONN4 4NYW4Y
10323	GC: 4DD1CT1ON 1S 4 POW3RFUL TH1NG >:]
10324	GC: S33 Y4
10325	She can't be serious. What could POSSIBLY lead to your demise in a matter of minutes?
10326	WHAT COULD IT POSSIBLY BE???
10327	You consult with your MAGIC CUE BALL, an extremely rare treasure you recently plundered from an ancient crypt, and one of many rumored to be hidden across the globe. Each at one time belonged to the strange and powerful man fabled to live on the green moon, but have since managed to escape his vision.
10328	It is said to make predictions with alarming precision and specificity. Unfortunately it lacks a portal on its surface that allows you to view the prediction.
10329	So who could say for sure whether its predictions were accurate? It would require someone with x-ray vision.
10330	Or, just maybe...
10331	Someone with VISION EIGHTFOLD.
10332	You channel your powerful eyesight through your customized lenses and whisper to the faithful little oracle: Should you be worried about Terezi's threat?
10333	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/shehaswhat.gif" border="0" />
10334	GC: >:o
10335	Ok, little ball. Fine. If you're so smart, then answer this! How is it going to happen!
10336	HOW????????
10337	One retrieves his dead custodian from the rubble below.
10338	Another finds hers struggling to survive.
10339	You guess you've got to put her down.
10340	The question is, do you have the luck to get it done?
10341	Would a sufficient roll even qualify as good luck in this case? You don't know.
10342	Maybe the dead girl is on to something. Maybe the only way to beat your bad luck is not caring about the outcome.
10343	Seven of the FLUORITE OCTET land, narrowing the field down from the full 8^8.
10344	One tumbles through the air. It will decide among the eight remaining techniques.
10345	Au revoir, spidermom.
10346	Your mercy killing triggers another avalanche. More rotten luck!
10347	AG: What's your deal????????
10348	AA: what d0 y0u mean
10349	AG: Did you just zap Equius into the game? His hive disappeared!
10350	AA: are y0u n0t happy ab0ut that
10351	AG: Hell no! I was supposed to get your surprise present from him! Um, that he was keeping for me! 8ut only temporarily!
10352	AG: And then we were going to jump in the g8me tog8ther! As co-le8ders! Remem8er????????
10353	AA: y0u were ab0ut t0 be killed by his hive
10354	AA: pr0ceeding with that plan w0uldnt have made sense
10355	AA: we certainly d0nt need tw0 dead players
10356	AG: 8ut!
10357	AG: Aaaaaaaah!
10358	AG: You knew this was going to happen! You were planning it all along! You're planning all this. I know a schemer when I see one!
10359	AA: yes it was the plan
10360	AA: it had t0 g0 this way
10361	AG: No! It had to go the way we said it would. I was going to give you the present I convinced him to m8ke for you. Me! It wo8ldn't have got m8de if not f8r me!
10362	AG: And then you could have a 8ody again and everyth8ng would 8e fine. Then we could go 8ack to 8eing friends again.
10363	AA: were we ever really friends
10364	AG: Yeah!!!!!!!!
10365	AG: I don't know. I felt like we were even if you didn't think so.
10366	AG: I guess I'm not very good at acting like a friend. Or saying stuff like, hey friend! You're my friend! It doesn't really occur to me.
10367	AG: 8ut we were! Why would you play with me if you didn't think I was your friend?
10368	AA: i d0nt remember
10369	AA: it d0esnt matter
10370	AG: 8arf. More of this apathetic 8aloney. Why don't you cut the ghost girl act already? I get it! You're dead and spooky.
10371	AA: ribbit
10372	AG: Hm.
10373	AG: Uh, okay?
10374	AG: Haha. Pretty odd!
10375	AA: s0rry
10376	AG: That's cool, you can ri88it if you want. In a weird way it almost makes you sound normal!
10377	AG: So what now? I guess you and Equius co-lead since he managed to usurp me. That cunning 8astard.
10378	AG: I guess I follow you into the game instead? Fine 8y me! I'll follow you guys. Just give me my orders, 8oss.
10379	AA: n0
10380	AA: y0ure n0t 0n the blue team
10381	AG: Oh what the fuuuuuuuuck!
10382	AA: y0u were never g0ing t0 be
10383	AG: I get it. I finally see now. This is your revenge.
10384	AG: You finally did it, Megido. You got me pretty good. Well played.
10385	AA: its n0t revenge
10386	AA: y0u were always supp0sed t0 be 0n the red team
10387	AA: y0ull believe me later
10388	AA: when y0u wake up
10389	AG: What a load of SHIIIIIIIIT. You've 8een plotting your revenge since day one. And I fell for it like a sucker. Can't say I 8lame you.
10390	AA: ive never th0ught ab0ut revenge at all
10391	AG: 8ut why not!
10392	AG: I killed you!!!!!!!!
10393	AA: i d0nt care
10394	AG: AAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!
10395	AG: You're so infuri8ing! Why c8n't you just h8 me? It would 8e a lot easier th8t way.
10396	AG: Or at least feel 8othered or annoyed or S8METHING! God!!!!!!!!
10397	AG: May8e I sh8uld just rip my he8rt out of my chest and pound it to a 8loody pulp here on my desk with my sup8r strong ro8ot arm.
10398	AG: Pound pound pound pound pound pound pound pound!
10399	AG: Look at that, more nasty 8lue 8lood all over me. Why not! Might as well op8n the floodg8s and p8nt my whole hive with this oh so envia8le cerulean SWILL.
10400	AG: 8ecause clearly it's up to me to feel em8tions for the 8oth of us, you misera8le soulless witch!
10401	AA: 0_0
10402	AG: I h88888888 you!
10403	AG: H8 h8 h8 h8 h8 h8 h8 haaaaaaaate!
10404	AG: I only regret killing you cause it m8de you so 8ORING!!!!!!!!
10405	AA: s0rry
10406	AG: I don't want to 8e on the red team. ::::(
10407	AG: It's full of jerks who just think I'm a 8ig jerk.
10408	AA: they need y0u th0ugh
10409	AA: and its where y0u need t0 be
10410	AA: karkat will be in t0uch with y0u s00n
10411	AG: Oh god, I can't w8 for THAT convers8tion.
10412	AA: als0 if its any c0ns0lati0n
10413	AA: the teams are meaningless anyway
10414	AG: What? Why would that 8e consol8tion? It's more vague spooky nonsense!
10415	AG: Fuck you for me trying to help you.
10416	AG: Fuck the 8lue team, fuck your conniving, fuck Equius's dou8ledealing and the stupid muscle8east he rode in on, and fuck you for s8ving my life.
10417	AG: FUUUUUUUUCK YOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!
10418	And soon, in a place known as the LAND OF CAVES AND SILENCE...
10419	CT: D --> Aradia, here's the deal
10420	CT: D --> Now that the game has begun, the plan will be modified slightly
10421	CT: D --> We will not be co-leaders of the b100 team
10422	CT: D --> I alone will be the leader
10423	CT: D --> Is that understood
10424	AA: thats fine
10425	CT: D --> Good
10426	CT: D --> Wait
10427	CT: D --> You have no objection
10428	CT: D --> Are you sure
10429	AA: n0
10430	AA: im 0k with it
10431	CT: D --> Do you typically embrace such a passive attitude when your superiors give you orders
10432	AA: i d0nt usually receive 0rders fr0m superi0rs 0r 0therwise
10433	AA: but really its fine
10434	CT: D --> Hmm
10435	AA: what
10436	CT: D --> I think I should get a towel
10437	CT: D --> I'm perspiring heavily again
10438	AA: why
10439	AA: whats wr0ng
10440	CT: D --> Never mind
10441	CT: D --> I'm trying to stay professional about this
10442	AA: ab0ut what
10443	AA: what are y0u talking ab0ut
10444	CT: D --> Forget it
10445	CT: D --> It's just pleasant to consort with one of lesser breeding who clearly understands her place
10446	AA: ive underst00d f0r s0me time that this will be my r0le
10447	AA: t0 functi0n as y0ur server player
10448	AA: and that y0u w0uld be the team leader as the first in the chain
10449	CT: D --> Perfect
10450	CT: D --> Then we are on the same page
10451	CT: D --> I 100k forward to seeing how well you serve me, server player
10452	AA: uh
10453	AA: thats n0t quite the meaning 0f the w0rd server
10454	CT: D --> What do you mean
10455	AA: as y0ur server i manipulate y0ur envir0nment t0 help y0u advance
10456	CT: D --> I don't understand
10457	CT: D --> Are you
10458	CT: D --> Are you saying
10459	CT: D --> That
10460	CT: D --> You are in a position of control over me
10461	AA: i supp0se s0
10462	CT: D --> Oh
10463	AA: what
10464	CT: D --> Oh my God
10465	AA: 0_0
10466	CT: D --> This is
10467	CT: D --> Impropriety of a caliber I cannot even
10468	CT: D --> It's
10469	CT: D --> You are as low on the hemosprectrum as possible
10470	CT: D --> To consider that someone so low could be in a position of authority over me is
10471	CT: D --> It's just so
10472	CT: D --> Disgusting
10473	AA: y0u really are quite a sn0b
10474	CT: D --> No it's
10475	CT: D --> FILTHY
10476	AA: 0_0
10477	CT: D --> I need some air
10478	CT: D --> Or some cold milk
10479	CT: D --> Or a towel, I need a towel
10480	CT: D --> Where the fuck are all my fresh towels
10481	CT: D --> I mean
10482	CT: D --> Fiddlesticks, please pardon my language
10483	CT: D --> It won't happen again
10484	AA: y0u l00k really agitated
10485	AA: are y0u sure y0ure alright
10486	CT: D --> I'm fine
10487	CT: D --> I'll be fine
10488	CT: D --> I just need to breathe
10489	CT: D --> And to break something possibly
10490	AA: break s0mething
10491	CT: D --> Yes
10492	CT: D --> It helps me rela%
10493	AA: 0h
10494	AA: i think i understand
10495	CT: D --> Do you
10496	AA: i like breaking things
10497	AA: i didnt used t0 but n0w i d0
10498	AA: its fun
10499	AA: um
10500	AA: hell0
10501	AA: are y0u sure y0ure 0k
10502	CT: D --> Yes
10503	AA: y0u really d0 l00k like y0ure sweating pretty hard
10504	CT: D --> I just need a blasted towel
10505	CT: D --> Where ever did that Aurthour get off to
10506	AA: maybe y0u sh0uld break s0mething
10507	AA: t0 try t0 calm d0wn
10508	CT: D --> Perhaps
10509	AA: d0 y0u want me t0 break s0mething
10510	CT: D --> Whoa what
10511	AA: i c0uld break s0mething if y0u want
10512	CT: D --> Do you
10513	CT: D --> Want to break something
10514	AA: kind 0f
10515	CT: D --> I, uh
10516	CT: D --> Ok
10517	AA: equius im ab0ut t0 thr0w an abluti0n trap thr0ugh y0ur wall
10518	AA: heads up
10519	CT: D --> Yes
10520	CT: D --> Yes that was wonderful
10521	AA: it was pretty c00l
10522	CT: D --> But could you please refrain from dipping into the vernacular of commoners
10523	CT: D --> In fact, this is an order from your leader
10524	CT: D --> Call things by their proper names
10525	AA: what
10526	AA: y0u want me t0 call it a bath tub
10527	AA: that s0unds ridicul0us
10528	CT: D --> Nevertheless, do it
10529	AA: fine
10530	CT: D --> Now
10531	CT: D --> Could you please
10532	CT: D --> Uh
10533	CT: D --> Do that again
10534	AA: what
10535	AA: y0u want me t0 thr0w the trap thr0ugh y0ur wall again
10536	AA: i mean the tub
10537	CT: D --> Yes
10538	AA: is that an 0rder
10539	CT: D --> Yes
10540	CT: D --> Wait
10541	CT: D --> I don't know
10542	AA: what d0nt y0u kn0w
10543	CT: D --> Maybe I don't want to order you to
10544	CT: D --> Maybe I want
10545	CT: D --> You to do whatever things that you want to do
10546	AA: i really have n0 idea what y0ure talking ab0ut
10547	CT: D --> You could cause quite a bother for me, with the power you wield
10548	CT: D --> I can do nothing to stop you, peasant girl
10549	CT: D --> It's so magnificently depraved
10550	AA: y0u are s0 weird
10551	AA: and this is c0ming fr0m a gh0st
10552	AA: ribbit
10553	CT: D --> What was that
10554	CT: D --> Are you role playing now
10555	CT: D --> Stop, it's unbecoming
10556	AA: s0rry
10557	CT: D --> You're better than that
10558	CT: D --> And by better, I mean worse
10559	CT: D --> Much, much worse
10560	CT: D --> Downright coarse and degenerate
10561	CT: D --> Just reprehensibly sordid
10562	AA: 0_0
10563	CT: D --> Actually
10564	CT: D --> Yes
10565	CT: D --> You may role play and proceed to deepen this already irretrievable debauchery
10566	CT: D --> In fact I command it
10567	CT: D --> I command you to have free will and do as you please
10568	CT: D --> And continue being bothersome and unpredictably destructive
10569	CT: D --> I mean
10570	CT: D --> If you want
10571	AA: im n0t really r0le playing
10572	AA: im part fr0g
10573	AA: but 0k
10574	AA: i guess i can break s0me m0re stuff
10575	AA: ribbit
10576	CT: D --> Yes
10577	CT: D --> Ribbit again
10578	AA: i cant really c0ntr0l the ribbits
10579	CT: D --> I will make haste through this mysterious realm and find your gate
10580	CT: D --> It will pose no challenge for me at all
10581	AA: yeah i kn0w
10582	CT: D --> I will then give you your new body, and you may take your rightful place as my subordinate
10583	AA: sure
10584	CT: D --> Actually
10585	CT: D --> Now I'm beginning to wonder
10586	AA: what
10587	CT: D --> Whether I want you to be my subordinate
10588	CT: D --> Hmm
10589	CT: D --> I hope this doesn't sound too strange
10590	AA: everything y0u say s0unds strange
10591	CT: D --> Maybe I would like you to be the co-leader again
10592	AA: 0k
10593	CT: D --> In fact
10594	CT: D --> Oh my goodness, I can't believe I'm entertaining this thought
10595	CT: D --> It feels just vile
10596	CT: D --> Try not to roll your eyes at me
10597	AA: i d0nt have pupils
10598	CT: D --> Would you mind terribly
10599	CT: D --> Being the leader
10600	AA: fine
10601	CT: D --> But
10602	CT: D --> Don't tell anyone
10603	CT: D --> You will be the leader of me, and I will lead all else
10604	CT: D --> You would in effect be the secret leader
10605	AA: yeah sure
10606	AA: thats pretty much h0w it is anyway
10607	CT: D --> Yes, that's the spirit
10608	CT: D --> You take to authority well for one of your b100d
10609	AA: i d0nt have bl00d
10610	CT: D --> Not yet
10611	CT: D --> But soon your heart will beat anew, and through it, fresh b100d and fresh passion
10612	AA: 0_0
10613	AA: w0w uh
10614	AA: can y0u just bring me the r0b0t already
10615	CT: D --> On my way
10616	AA: ribbit
10617	This poses no challenge for you at all.
10618	ARADIASPRITE: it l00ks nice
10619	EQUIUS: D --> Yes
10620	EQUIUS: D --> It is perfect in every way
10621	ARADIASPRITE: ribbit
10622	EQUIUS: D --> Do you
10623	EQUIUS: D --> Have a clean towel anywhere
10624	EQUIUS: D --> I think it suits you
10625	EQUIUS: D --> Much more so than the form of a levitating ghostly amphibian
10626	EQUIUS: D --> How does it feel
10627	ARADIABOT: it feels
10628	ARADIABOT: different!
10629	EQUIUS: D --> Ok
10630	EQUIUS: D --> But I mean
10631	EQUIUS: D --> Do you feel anything else
10632	ARADIABOT: uh
10633	EQUIUS: D --> Any sort of
10634	EQUIUS: D --> Stirring sensations
10635	ARADIABOT: stirring?
10636	EQUIUS: D --> Yes
10637	EQUIUS: D --> Such as
10638	EQUIUS: D --> Sensations which may be stirred by flowing b100d and a beating heart
10639	ARADIABOT: im n0t sure
10640	EQUIUS: D --> Can you detect anything within you might describe as
10641	EQUIUS: D --> Smoldering passion
10642	EQUIUS: D --> I mean
10643	EQUIUS: D --> Just out of curiosity
10644	ARADIABOT: wait
10645	ARADIABOT: what is that
10646	EQUIUS: D --> What's what
10647	ARADIABOT: this feeling
10648	ARADIABOT: 0h g0d
10649	ARADIABOT: 0H MY G0D WHAT DID Y0U D0!
10650	ARADIABOT: did y0u pr0gram this r0b0t t0 have feelings f0r y0u?
10651	ARADIABOT: R0MANTIC FEELINGS???
10652	EQUIUS: D --> Hrrrk
10653	ARADIABOT: ANSWER ME BLUE BL00D SCUM
10654	EQUIUS: D --> I
10655	EQUIUS: D --> Yes
10656	EQUIUS: D --> Uh
10657	EQUIUS: D --> It's a chip in your heart
10658	EQUIUS: D --> Is that not ok
10659	ARADIABOT: get it 0ut
10660	EQUIUS: D --> Urrk
10661	EQUIUS: D --> I guess I can
10662	EQUIUS: D --> Uninstall it if you would just
10663	ARADIABOT: GET IT 0UT!!!
10664	EQUIUS: D --> Sorry
10665	EQUIUS: D --> I'll
10666	EQUIUS: D --> Hrrrrrrk
10667	ARADIABOT: GET IT 0UT GET IT 0UT GET IT 0UT GET IT 0UT GET IT 0UT GET IT 0UT GET IT 0UT GET IT 0UT GET IT 0UT GET IT 0UT GET IT 0UT GET IT 0UT GET IT 0UT
10668	You consult your SHIPPING WALL. Clearly some changes are in order. You must admit you didn't see this one coming, even with your remarkable matchmaking acumen.
10669	You should probably recolor all the Aradia panels so she looks like a robot too. It is a major commitment keeping up with all your ships, but it is worth it.
10670	CG: OK THIS IS GOING TO SOUND PREPOSTEROUS GIVEN OUR LAST CONVERSATION.
10671	CG: AND I GUESS PRACTICALLY EVERY CONVERSATION PRECEDING IT.
10672	CG: AND I'M PROBABLY GOING TO HAVE TO DO SOMETHING COMPLETELY DISGUSTING LIKE APOLOGIZE.
10673	CG: AND EVEN THOUGH I'LL HATE MYSELF FOR IT I WILL TOTALLY MEAN IT, I PROMISE.
10674	CG: LIKE, REALLY REALLY MEAN IT.
10675	AG: You're going to ask me to join your team, aren't you.
10676	CG: YEAH.
10677	CG: HOW DID YOU KNOW.
10678	AG: I don't seem to have much choice now! Aradia kicked me off the good team.
10679	CG: HAHAHAHA WOW THAT IS GREAT.
10680	CG: WAIT, SORRY.
10681	CG: NO WAIT, I DON'T HAVE TO APOLOGIZE, THAT'S RIGHT. YOU HAVE NO CHOICE NOW.
10682	CG: I APOLOGIZE TO MYSELF FOR OFFERING YOU A SHITTY MEANINGLESS APOLOGY.
10683	CG: APOLOGY ACCEPTED, KARKAT. LET'S BURY THE THRESHER WITH A TOTALLY PLATONIC BRO BULGE BUMP.
10684	CG: BUMP HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
10685	AG: You dork.
10686	AG: Do you really think your usual pedantic quips are going to 8ug me now????????
10687	CG: I'M NOT TRYING TO BUG YOU I'M TRYING TO GET YOU TO JOIN MY DAMN TEAM, NOW STEP IN LINE SERKET.
10688	AG: I was just 8etrayed and a8andonded 8y my two accomplices and 8est pals, and on top of that I am soaked in the 8lood of my lusus which I just had to decapit8 myself.
10689	AG: So listening to a cra88y asshole 8e all tickled with his own mediocre retorts isn't going to spoil my evening!
10690	CG: OK, WELL, SORRY TO HEAR ABOUT THAT.
10691	CG: BUT I MEAN YOU CAN JUST DUMP HER CARCASS IN THE KERNEL AND BRING HER BACK STRONGER THAN EVER.
10692	AG: Wow.
10693	AG: Uh, good to know.
10694	AG: I guess. ::::\
10695	CG: NOW WHY DON'T YOU HOP IN THE TRAP, WASH THAT NASTY BLUE SHIT OFF, AND JOIN OUR FUCKING SESSION ALREADY.
10696	AG: What! It's so rude to dict8 hygiene procedure to a lady. Under any circumstance! Even for douchey loudmouths with delusions of leadership.
10697	AG: May8e you should try to think a8out the dum8 things that fall out of your protein chute for once, Vantas.
10698	CG: BLAH BLAH BLAH.
10699	CG: NOW MY CHUTE IS DOING A FUCKING STELLAR IMPRESSION OF SOMETHING THAT DOESN'T GIVE A SHIT.
10700	AG: Anyway, you know my 8lood's the prettiest and you'd o8viously kill to have it.
10701	CG: NO IT SUCKS.
10702	CG: TOTALLY HAPPY WITH MINE, NICE TRY THOUGH.
10703	AG: 8S!
10704	AG: Why would you hide 8ehind your lame gray anonymity then?
10705	AG: You do realize everyone thinks that's totally lame, right????????
10706	CG: IT'S NOBODY'S BUSINESS.
10707	CG: I DON'T SEE WHY IT SHOULD BE A MATTER OF PUBLIC RECORD.
10708	CG: I'M NOT GOING TO WEAR THAT SHIT ON MY SLEEVE LIKE YOU DO.
10709	CG: LITERALLY AND FIGURATIVELY.
10710	CG: IT'S PRIVATE, SO EVERYONE CAN GO POINT THEIR PROBING BUSYBODY SNIFFNODES UP THEIR OWN IMPERTINENT SEED FLAPS.
10711	AG: Fine. Like anyone really cares! It's just lame and insecure.
10712	AG: So why don't you tell me what I've got to do here???????? I await instruction from my 8igshot a8looded leader.
10713	CG: OK FIRST THING'S FIRST.
10714	CG: YOU'VE GOT TO CONNECT WITH TAVROS QUICKLY AND GET HIM IN THE SESSION BEFORE HE GETS KILLED.
10715	AG: Uggggggggh.
10716	CG: WHAT.
10717	AG: Can't someone else do that?
10718	CG: NO. WHY.
10719	AG: XXXXO
10720	CG: WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL, JUST DO IT.
10721	AG: 8ut I h8 that guy!
10722	CG: WHO CARES.
10723	AG: This is your command decision? Getting someone who h8s a guy to save his life? Pretty weak, 8oss!
10724	CG: WHY DO YOU EVEN HATE HIM, IT'S FUCKING RIDICULOUS.
10725	CG: IF ANYTHING YOU SHOULD PITY HIM.
10726	CG: ESPECIALLY SINCE YOU WERE THE ONE WHO PARALYZED HIM.
10727	AG: I know. I don't really understand it.
10728	AG: It's just a really special kind of h8! It never goes away and it doesn't make a lot of sense.
10729	CG: THIS IS KIND OF A WEIRD TIME TO BE CONFIDING IN ME ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS OF BLACK ROMANCE BUT OK.
10730	AG: Oh god, what?
10731	CG: I MEAN IF YOU'RE REALLY IMPLYING TAVROS IS YOUR KISMESIS I THINK YOU'RE BRAYING UP THE WRONG FROND NUB.
10732	CG: BOTH PARTIES HAVE TO HATE EACH OTHER EQUALLY, I MEAN LIKE TRUE HATE.
10733	CG: MAYBE YOUR FEELINGS COME SOMEWHAT CLOSE TO FITTING THE BILL BUT I DON'T THINK HE CAN HATE ANYONE, IT'S WEIRD, HE'S KIND OF BROKEN IN THE HEAD.
10734	AG: Fuuuuuuuuck, WHAT are you talking a8out?
10735	CG: I THINK THIS SUBJECT IS BEYOND A LOT OF PEOPLE'S GRASP BUT I KNOW A LOT ABOUT IT, NOBODY EVER REALLY WANTS TO TALK TO ME ABOUT IT THOUGH.
10736	AG: Whoa really? Oh no shit, REALLY????????
10737	CG: OK, MOST PEOPLE WHO HAVEN'T HAD THEIR LOBE STEM CAUTERIZED ARE CAPABLE OF FEELING THE TWO PRIMARY EMOTIONS, HATE AND PITY.
10738	CG: PITY IS OF COURSE JUST THE TONED DOWN VERSION OF THE CENTRAL EMOTION, HATE.
10739	CG: AND ALL THE NUANCES OF PITY MANIFEST AS VARIOUS OTHER KINDS OF FEELINGS LIKE WHATEVER CHEMICAL REACTIONS TRIGGER MATING FONDESS OR THE MYSTERIOUS FORCES THAT ARE BEHIND MOIRALLEGIANCE.
10740	AG: Karkat, holy fuck.
10741	AG: So.
10742	AG: 8oring.
10743	CG: A WELL BALANCED PERSON IS IS GOING TO HAVE A GOOD DISTRIBUTION BETWEEN HATE AND THE VARIOUS PITY HUMORS.
10744	CG: HAVING A GOOD BALANCE KEEPS ALL THE EMOTIONS SHARPER, SEE I THINK THAT'S YOUR PROBLEM.
10745	AG: Oh????????
10746	AG: I hope you know I already wore out some good note-taking pens today. All the pens.
10747	AG: All of them.
10748	CG: SEE, MY HATE IS LIKE A FINELY TUNED INSTRUMENT BECAUSE I'M AWARE OF THESE PRINCIPLES.
10749	CG: I COULD HATE A HOLE IN PARADOX SPACE ITSELF, STRAIGHT THROUGH TO A NEW REALITY FRESH FOR THE HATING.
10750	AG: Hahahahahahahaha, you don't even know how much I'm laughing at this.
10751	CG: BUT SEE, YOU'RE TOO HEAVY ON THE HATE SIDE, OR AT LEAST YOU PRETEND TO BE WHICH IS MAYBE WORSE.
10752	AG: You aren't reading anything I say are you? You just want to talk and talk and talk.
10753	CG: AND YOU THINK YOU'RE HATING UP EVERYONE HARD WHEN YOU'RE REALLY JUST BURNING OUT THAT ENTIRE EMOTIONAL HEMISPHERE.
10754	CG: IT'S LIKE LUKEWARM HATE. PRETENDER'S HATE, WITH NO COUNTERPOINT AT ALL.
10755	CG: AS SUCH THERE'S NO REAL SUBSTANCE TO YOUR HATE, IT'S LIKE A CARDBOARD MOVIE PROP.
10756	CG: WHICH IS WHY YOUR BRAIN IS BROKEN, KIND OF LIKE TAVROS'S BUT ON THE OPPOSITE HEMISPHERE I GUESS.
10757	CG: OR MAYBE YOUR BROKEN BRAIN LED TO THE IMBALANCE IN THE FIRST PLACE, I DON'T KNOW.
10758	CG: WHATEVER THE CASE IS, YOU'RE KIND OF EMOTIONALLY SCREWED, SORRY TO SAY.
10759	CG: YOUR HATE'S TOO DULL FOR A PROPER KISMESIS, IN MY OPINION.
10760	CG: AND I DON'T SEE ANYONE CHOMPING AT THE BIT TO BE YOUR MOIRAIL HONESTLY, UNLESS THERE'S SOMEONE OUT THERE WHO WOULD ACTUALLY BOTHER PITYING YOU.
10761	CG: AND LANDING A MATESPRIT? HAHAHAHA!
10762	CG: SERIOUSLY, LIKE THAT WOULD EVEN INTEREST YOU.
10763	CG: BASICALLY ANY FEATURE OF YOUR EMOTIONAL PROFILE THAT USUALLY MAKES SOMEONE VIABLE IN THE REDROM DEPARTMENT MUST BE TOTALLY FRIED.
10764	CG: YOUR BLACKROM POTENTIAL'S PROBABLY TOAST TOO.
10765	CG: HEY.
10766	CG: ARE YOU THERE.
10767	AG: Oh, yeah.
10768	AG: I started tuning you out.
10769	AG: Are you done?
10770	CG: NO WAY, I COULD GO ON.
10771	CG: THIS IS FASCINATING, TELL ME HOW THE FUCK THIS ISN'T FASCINATING.
10772	AG: Did you learn this crap from your awful romance movies?
10773	CG: THEY'RE REALLY INTRIGUING SOCIOLOGICALLY.
10774	CG: INCREDIBLY COMPLEX, SOPHISTICATED STORIES, YOU WOULDN'T GET IT.
10775	AG: Hey asshole, stop watching movies for girls.
10776	CG: WHAT PART OF INTRIGUING SOCIOLOGICALLY DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND.
10777	CG: ALSO THEY'RE AWESOME, SHUT UP.
10778	AG: Argh, ok! Man! Just let me connect to stupid 8oy-Dum8fuck so I don't have to listen to this anymore!
10779	CG: YEAH OK.
10780	CG: OH, WAIT!
10781	CG: I NEVER EVEN GOT TO THE DAMN POINT.
10782	AG: What is it now!
10783	CG: I DIDN'T NEED YOU SPECIFICALLY TO CONNECT TO TAVROS, I MEAN I COULD GET ANY SCHLUB TO DO THAT.
10784	CG: YOU JUST HAVE TO GET IN HERE ASAP BECAUSE I REALLY NEED YOUR MIND POWERS.
10785	AG: You do????????
10786	AG: I mean.
10787	AG: O8viously you do. Duh.
10788	AG: What for?
10789	CG: I RAN INTO SOMEONE HERE.
10790	CG: A SORT OF DOUBLE AGENT I GUESS.
10791	CG: HIS NAME IS JACK.
10792	CG: HE HAS SOME INSIDE INFORMATION ABOUT HIS KINGDOM.
10793	CG: HE WANTS TO WORK TOGETHER WITH US TO OVERTHROW THE BLACK QUEEN.
10794	CG: SO I SAID OK.
10795	CG: AND NOW I NEED YOUR HELP.
10796	AG: Um, ok.
10797	AG: I can try.
10798	AG: What does he know?
10799	CG: HE RECENTLY GOT HOLD OF SOME INTEL REGARDING A WEAKNESS IN THE QUEEN'S DEFENSES.
10800	CG: I DON'T KNOW ANY MORE THAN THAT.
10801	CG: BUT WE'VE GOT TO HURRY AND GET STARTED ON THIS THING, OR IT COULD GET KIND OF AWKWARD.
10802	AG: Awkward? What do you mean?
10803	CG: I MEAN HE'S JUST STANDING HERE NOW.
10804	CG: WAITING FOR ME I GUESS.
10805	CG: BUT IT'S OK, I THINK HE'S PRETTY MUCH SETTLED DOWN.
10806	AG: Settled down?
10807	CG: WELL, HE STABBED ME ONCE.
10808	AG: Oh, only once!
10809	AG: Are you sure you should trust him? I don't know if I would, 8ut hey I'm not the leader.
10810	CG: NO, NO, IT'S COOL.
10811	CG: HE'S COOL, IT'S FINE I DON'T REALLY MIND THE STABBING, IT WAS ALL A MISUNDERSTANDING.
10812	CG: WELL OK I'M PRETTY SURE HE MEANT TO STAB ME.
10813	CG: BUT I KIND OF THINK THAT'S LIKE
10814	CG: THE WAY HE GREETS PEOPLE?
10815	AG: This game is so stupid.
10816	CG: IN ANY CASE I THINK HE'S PROBABLY ALL STABBED OUT.
10817	AG: Whew!!!!!!!!
10818	AG: Oh, man.
10819	AG: Since you're 8leeding I should ask Terezi what color your 8lood is.
10820	CG: GOOD LUCK WITH THAT.
10821	CG: SHE CAN'T SEE ME OR SMELL ME OR ANYTHING, I'M WAY OUT OF MY HIVE SOMEWHERE ELSE ON THE PLANET.
10822	AG: Ok, then I'll ask Jack.
10823	CG: NO, JACK WON'T TELL, I MADE HIM PROMISE HE WOULDN'T TELL.
10824	AG: Dammit! Stupid lousy tightlipped sta8happy dou8le agents.
10825	AG: Doesn't Trollian have some kind of viewport feature?
10826	CG: YEAH BUT I'M PRETTY SURE ONLY SOLLUX KNOWS HOW TO SET THAT UP, AND HE'S BEEN INCOMMUNICADO FOR HOURS FOR SOME REASON.
10827	CG: ANYWAY THAT WHOLE FEATURE SEEMS TOTALLY INVASIVE AND LARGELY POINTLESS TO ME, SO JUST FORGET IT.
10828	AG: Yeah ok, here we are a8out to em8ark on an espionage mission. A spying tool sounds totally useless!
10829	AG: Another gr8 point, captain.
10830	CG: WHATEVER.
10831	CG: JUST GET YOUR ASS IN HERE SO WE CAN DETHRONE THIS GODDAMN QUEEN.
10832	CG: IT'LL MEAN ONE LESS GOD BOSS WE HAVE TO FIGHT.
10833	AG: Fine, I'll be right there.
10834	AG: Just try not to lose too much of your mystery blood and die.
10835	You find the kid you've been looking for. He's got a pretty sharp tongue and can't seem to keep it sheathed. He should learn up front you're no stranger to sharp objects yourself.
10836	He still won't shut up. He doesn't seem to care about the wound. He's just going on and on about the freakish color of his blood. He doesn't want you to look at it. Just look away, he says.
10837	You've got to admit. Now you're curious.
10838	You don't see what the big deal is. Nothing special. This kid's out of his mind.
10839	But he's still blubbering on and on about it.
10840	It seems he's the only one of his kind with this mutant candy-red blood. An outcast. He thinks he was put on this planet covered in an ocean of his own blood to be taunted. Punished for something.
10841	Saddest story you ever heard. Got to do something to shut him up.
10842	You and your like-blooded accomplice soon put OPERATION REGISURP into motion, a contingency plan which the archagent conveniently had on file and named himself. If it were drafted by a legitimate contingency firm, it would ostensibly have been given a better title.
10843	Your whole team executes the plan along the course of its journey, employing espionage, mind control tactics, political sabotage, vicious interrogations and cold blooded assassinations. Everyone does their part and you begin to learn the true meaning of teamwork, as well as this troll disease called friendship.
10844	But before a single step is taken, Jack briefs you on the intelligence uncovered by one of his agents. It is an advantage over the queen you will seize upon while she has let her guard down.
10845	With each prototyping by each player, the royalty of both sides would evolve. The queen with her RING OF ORBS TWELVEFOLD would first take on the claws and ridged carapace of your lusus. And then the wings and scales of Terezi's young dragon. And then the horns and gills and cloven hooves of Gamzee's fallen custodian. And so it would continue.
10846	Though a queen is a vain creature, she is also sworn to her duty. She would be braced for the heavy load of augmentation ahead. She could certainly withstand the eight eyes of an arachnid. The fairy wings might at worst be frivolous, and the great bull horns could even be regarded as striking additions. For that matter, the sultry lips of a mother grub might very plausibly suit her. She perhaps would wear a brave face even behind a dignified mustache, and the centauring of her lower torso could transpire without much complaint. She would dutifully indulge a lactating udder. And when all was said and done, doubling her head count would surely be insult to elevenfold injury, but nothing she hadn't essentially endured already, all in the name of her kingdom.
10847	But she would spare herself all of these additional debasements. Because before the rest came, there would be one corruption to her figure she could not abide. Her vanity wouldn't allow it.
10848	She could not stand bearing the visage of the most loathsome creature known to existence. So vile is its appearance, so contemptible its purpose, all depictions of the creature let alone members of its population are permanently banned from any jurisdiction in the reach of her agents. Those of its kind go by many names, and so does the reviled patron god they herald - THE GREAT DETESTATION, KING PONDSQUATTER, SPEAKER OF THE VAST JOKE, or most commonly, BILIOUS SLICK.
10849	His true name is of course forbidden. And wearing his face is where she drew the line.
10850	She removed the ring and concealed it in the ROYAL VAULT while she was quite sure no one was looking. She then retired to her private chamber from which she would dispatch orders, no one the wiser of her disadvantage.
10851	Or so she thought.
10852	The operation in time would be a total success. The BANISHED QUASIROYAL would make the future Alternian wasteland her home.
10853	Until she was given a new purpose.
10854	But at the onset, you would know nothing of the queen's aversion to an amphibious likeness, or about her orbs twelvefold, or any such details. You were informed of her disadvantage, and would act accordingly. You and your red teammates would work to dethrone the queen in your session, while the blue team members would take on the entirely separate set of royal adversaries in their own session. This was to be a competition, after all.
10855	Or so you thought.
10856	You would begin to notice a strange pattern. The blue team's prototypings would affect the mutations of your session's underlings.
10857	And your prototypings would affect theirs.
10858	Though the signs pointed to two distinct sessions - two sets of mystic ruins, two opposing teams, two separate chains of connected players - this was all misleading.
10859	You were joining a particularly unusual bifurcated session, meant from the start to receive all twelve players through two separate connection chains. A session with one Skaia about which twelve planets would circle. With one army of dark and one of light. With one pair of kings and one pair of queens. And with one cantankerous archagent and his typical disdain for authority. It wouldn't be until later in the session when the full chain was nearly closed that you would realize the truth.
10860	The truth was it had always been the same session all along. That your teams were not competing, but cooperating toward a common goal.
10861	In the more drawn out form of this adventure's narrative, figuring this out would have been a huge deal. We would have been completely blown away by this stunning revelation.
10862	Wow. Same session all along. Really?
10863	Huh.
10864	But since we've decided to engage this epic in shorthand, you feel you must insist that we continue with this expository interlude.
10865	It would turn out the arrangement of planets looked like this, rather. Bifurcated from each other, each team appearing to comprise a distinct chain in a distinct session without the luxury of the complete picture we see here.
10866	It appeared that way until it was time to link the two chains, completing the circuit of twelve and uniting the teams.
10867	For these final two links, Skaia had a plan, as it did with the order of every preceding link, and as it did with the paradoxical seeding of its own players on the surface of the planet it would later devastate to buy itself time. Its plan was as inescapable as all others, as inevitable as the reckoning it would ultimately face.
10868	After watching the phrases MOBIUS DOUBLE and REACH AROUND toggle for a few minutes while in a sort of stupor, you finally snap out of it. Your attention drifts toward these two symbols.
10869	You would try to be these mysterious characters but you suspect you would fail, so you don't bother.
10870	They're way too mysterious for you to be them yet! Seriously, what's up with these guys? Do they live under water or something? What's their deal!
10871	We'll learn all about them a little later.
10872	For that matter, what about this young lady? What is HER deal???
10873	We'll probably find out about her later too. It will probably be quite some time before you get to be her. It could very well be pages and pages and pages.
10874	Seriously, it could take forever.
10875	Your name is KANAYA MARYAM.
10876	You are one of the few of your kind who can withstand the BLISTERING ALTERNIAN SUN, and perhaps the only who enjoys the feel of its rays. As such, you are one of the few of your kind who has taken a shining to LANDSCAPING. You have cultivated a lush oasis around your hive, and in particular, you have honed your craft through the art of TOPIARY, sculpting your trees to match the PUFFY ORACLES from your dreams. You have embraced the tool of this trade, which conveniently is the weapon of choice for those who would hunt the HEINOUS BROODS OF THE UNDEAD which crawl from the sand at sunrise to feast on the light and the living.
10877	It would be convenient if you actually hunted them, but it is of course far too dangerous, every bit as suicidal as attempting to poach the terrible MUSCLEBEASTS who roam at night. So you indulge in your bright fascination with the grim through literature. Just before the sun goes down and you join your flora in rest, you immerse yourself in tales of RAINBOW DRINKERS and SHADOW DROPPERS and FORBIDDEN PASSION.
10878	You are one of the few of your kind with JADE GREEN BLOOD. As such you are one of the few who could be selected and raised by a VIRGIN MOTHER GRUB, an event so rare as to elude documented precedent. She would defend you from desert threats, and though her life would be short, in time you would assure her of progeny.
10879	You are one of the few of your kind whose affection for the aesthetic strongly overpowers instinctive regard for the utilitarian. As such, you are one of the few of your kind who has developed a zeal for FASHION and DESIGN and LIVELY COLORFUL PATTERNS. You decorate your hive with FLORA and FABRIC, as delicately or aggressively as inspiration demands. You are a SEAMSTRESS or a RAGRIPPER or a TREETRIMMER or a LUMBERJACK, whichever you care to be, and your unique hive is equipped with a great supply of advanced technology to accommodate your interests. The technology and indeed the hive itself were all recovered from the ruins nearby when you were very young. The seed of your hive was deployed on the volcanic rocks beneath the sand with the assistance of your lusus and her remarkable burrowing skills, and you have lived there happily together since.
10880	You know the ruins and the hive and everything here that is not sand and rock originated from the world of your dreams. You also know that one day you will visit this world while you are awake. That day is today.
10881	Your trolltag is grimAuxiliatrix and you Tend To Enunciate Each Word You Speak Very Clearly And Carefully
10882	What will you do?
10883	What CHAINSAW? You are quite sure there is no CHAINSAW leaning on that bookshelf.
10884	There is however a tube of LIPSTICK on the floor.
10885	Alright, let's settle down. No need to get hysterical.
10886	Oh, there goes your WARDROBIFIER again. Never a dull moment in fashion when the randomized cycle is on.
10887	You can choose between your trademark jade or black. Even though a troll's lips are naturally black.
10888	But they can always be blacker, and a lady with a true sense of style knows this.
10889	In any case you think you'll mix things up and go with green for a while.
10890	CC: )(-ELLO!
10891	GA: Hey
10892	CC: KANAYA )(I!
10893	CC: Glub glub glub glub glub!
10894	CC: 38)
10895	GA: You Seem More Excited Than Usual
10896	GA: Or Less
10897	GA: I Cant Tell
10898	GA: Help Me Tell Without Saying Glub
10899	CC: Glub glub glub glub glub glub glub!
10900	GA: Im Going To Type This Face Now
10901	GA: :?
10902	GA: Even Though No One Knows How To Make A Mouth Do A Question Shape Like That
10903	CC: )(a)(a sorry!
10904	CC: I cant really control t)(e glubs.
10905	GA: Yes You Can
10906	GA: But Thats Fine You Can Glub To The Content Of Your Collapsing And Expanding Bladder Based Aquatic Vascular System
10907	GA: If It Means You Are Excited About Something
10908	CC: I AM -EXCIT-ED!
10909	GA: Ok Why
10910	CC: -Everyt)(ing we are about to do next is exciting.
10911	CC: It is always exciting.
10912	CC: I'm -EXCIT----------------ED!
10913	CC: Pc)(ooooo.
10914	GA: It Looks Like One Of Your Letters Got Away From You
10915	CC: )(a)(a yea)( I really launc)(ed t)(at one.
10916	GA: You Forked An Innocent D Loitering Over There By The Shout Pole Minding Its Own Business
10917	CC: )(-E)(-E!
10918	CC: Glub glub glub!
10919	CC: )(-EY! Lets stop being retarded for a minute.
10920	GA: Yeah Sure
10921	CC: I am just worked up about t)(is game, it will be great.
10922	CC: Ive been waiting a long time to get started! We all )(ave.
10923	GA: I Thought So
10924	GA: I Have Been Cloaked In A Mood Of Perpetual Anticipation For Some Time As Well
10925	CC: We s)(ould compare notes. Even t)(oug)( we are on different teams!
10926	GA: Well
10927	GA: Not Really
10928	CC: )(mm really?
10929	CC: See t)(is is w)(y we s)(ould be comparing notes! 38O
10930	GA: What Notes Would You Like To Submit For Comparison
10931	CC: )(mmmmmm.
10932	CC: Well I am going to join my team pretty late.
10933	CC: I t)(ink I )(ave to!
10934	CC: I will need to connect after my goofball moirail does so I can keep my goggles on )(is nefarious escapades.
10935	CC: Its a toug)( job but its important! Everyone )(as an important job to do.
10936	GA: Yeah
10937	CC: Isnt t)(at w)(at youre doing too? Joining late to keep an eye on yours?
10938	GA: I Dont Know For A Fact That She Is Mine
10939	CC: )(a)(a youre not supposed to know for a FACT dummy!
10940	CC: You just do w)(at you t)(ink is rig)(t and even if you were wrong t)(e worst t)(at )(appened was you )(elped somebody and )(elped t)(e w)(ole world too!
10941	GA: I Know
10942	GA: But What If I Dont Really Want Her To Be That
10943	CC: Glub glub glub glub S)(RUG.
10944	GA: Yeah Glub Glub Shrug Is The Right Attitude I Think
10945	GA: Our Minds Are Already Made Up Anyway Arent They
10946	CC: Yes probably!
10947	CC: Your clouds tell you everyt)(ing so w)(at do you even )(ave to worry about?
10948	GA: They Dont Tell Me Everything
10949	GA: Just As I Am Sure She Doesnt Whisper Everything To You
10950	CC: T)(ats true.
10951	CC: O)( s)(ucks now Im going to get sad.
10952	CC: S)(e will be gone soon. 38(
10953	CC: T)(oug)( I guess it will be a relief not to )(ave to worry about keeping )(er voice down anymore!
10954	GA: I Wonder If Any Other Kid On The Planet Has As Many Burdens In The Fire As You
10955	GA: I Doubt It
10956	CC: T)(ey arent burdens!
10957	CC: Ok I guess t)(ey are )(a)(a.
10958	CC: But I love t)(em and I wouldnt )(ave it any ot)(er way because t)(is is w)(y Im )(ere!
10959	CC: On t)(at note I t)(ink Im going to go say goodbye to )(er. Maybe you s)(ould too w)(ile you )(ave t)(e c)(ance!
10960	CC: Even t)(oug)( Ill see )(er again soon w)(ic)( still seems kind of strange to me.
10961	CC: But t)(ats w)(y t)(is is all so -EXCITING!
10962	CC: KANAYA BY----------------------------E!
10963	You had nearly forgotten. Today her time would come.
10964	Maybe you should be there in her final moment. But then it isn't exactly final, is it?
10965	Death is pretty confusing without the finality.
10966	It's too late.
10967	You'd better change back into your work clothes. No point in getting a good dress dirty.
10968	She brought you this far. Now to live up to your end of the bargain.
10969	You secure the MATRIORB through your CHASTITY MODUS. Safe and sound!
10970	You will serendipitously discover the key to unlock this card when and only when you are ready to use this item, and not a moment before!
10971	Look at this mess. All this blood and sunlight is stirring bright feelings within. You often fantasize about being a true rainbow drinker from your literature. It would be a life of darting between the shadows, of persecution and being misunderstood. And of ROMANCE. You would drink heavily from its multicolored well, and the hemospectrum would be your wine list preceding the great feast of passion.
10972	Surely it couldn't hurt. While no one is looking...
10973	AG: Whaaaaaaaat.
10974	GA: Just Wanted To Know
10975	GA: Is Your Lusus Dead Yet
10976	You then proceed to have the rest of this conversation we already read, bugging and fussing and meddling through the special and magical union one can only describe as being in moirallegiance with another.
10977	At least, you guess that's how you would describe it. Maybe.
10978	Troll romance sure is confusing!
10979	You will put her out of your mind for a while. It should be hours before you have to connect with her anyway. Might as well pack this thing up and head inside.
10980	Oh what now. What could this guy want?
10981	It never ends!
10982	CA: kan make her talk to me do somethin
10983	GA: Who
10984	CA: your no good connivvin fuckin backstabbin girl crush thats wwho
10985	GA: Overstating Our Relationship Wont Make Me Feel Very Cooperative
10986	GA: Its Paler Red Than That Ok
10987	CA: pshhhhhh that is a fuckin laugh and you knoww it evveryone does
10988	CA: so help me out tell her to talk to me i think she blocked me you got to
10989	GA: Why Do I Got To
10990	GA: I Dont Got To And Every Time You Take My Help For Granted I Feel Like I Got To A Little Less
10991	CA: wwhatEVVER you are so the vvillage twwo wwheel devvice wwhen it comes to auspisticing
10992	CA: you cant let a grudge go by you wwont stick your busy stem betwwixt so get wwith the program fussyfangs
10993	GA: If Your Slander Werent So Predictable Id Block You Too For Saying That
10994	GA: Has It Occurred To You She May Have Blocked You Because You Are Vvery Ovverbearing
10995	GA: I Just Said That Aloud Now In Your Silly Accent And Had A Private Moment Of Enjoyment
10996	CA: wwho givves a shit wwhy she blocked me or about my fuckin manners come on youvve got a wway wwith her
10997	CA: i figure if youre going to auspisticize any twwo brinesuckers wwho sneer at each other a funny wway you might as wwell make it official and be ours right
10998	GA: Your Black Solicitation Just Seems Really Indecent
10999	GA: What Do You Want From Her Anyway
11000	CA: she made me somethin per a prior arrangement
11001	CA: she wwill delivver it wwhen wwe meet in this game but i dont knoww wwhat the logistics are yet
11002	CA: im tryin to connoiter wwith her here but shes blowwin me off again fickle dirtscrapin landhag
11003	GA: What Is It
11004	CA: kan stupid wwhat do you think its a fuckin gizmo to bloww up the wworld or somethin
11005	CA: ok wwell not that obvviously
11006	CA: but somethin thatll kill all land dwwellers wwhat else wwould i be after
11007	GA: Can You Just For A Moment Entertain The Thoughts Of One Untouched By Megalomaniacal Derangement And Tell Me Why Id Want To Assist You With That
11008	CA: wwell
11009	CA: im not goin to vvery wwell kill you am i that wwould be fuckin unconscionable
11010	CA: wwhat kind of friend wwould i be
11011	GA: Also Speculate For A Moment That Self Preservation Might Not Be What Would Sway My Decision
11012	CA: yeah go ahead and kiss us off but therell be blood on your hands
11013	CA: you could either play along as our auspistice and do a little mediating like you wwere fuckin hatched to
11014	CA: or wwatch she and me devvolvve into fuckin full fledged kismesisses the kind like you dont get once in ten thousand swweeps
11015	CA: you knoww thats wwhat it wwould be there wwould be rainboww rivvers runnin through star systems and all nebulizin like liquid firewworks
11016	CA: it wwill be beautiful and heartbreaking all at once
11017	CA: you should read up on your history instead of poring through that godawwfull sunny rubbish
11018	GA: Its Just
11019	GA: Laborious Listening To This
11020	GA: Im Sorry
11021	GA: None Of It Matters
11022	CA: yeah it does its important sorry but the fate of the race and purity of the bloodline is important excuse me for being concerned
11023	GA: I Know
11024	GA: But You Really Should Know By Now The World Will End Tonight Regardless
11025	GA: Land And Sea Dwellers Alike Will All Die
11026	GA: Because Of The Game We Are About To Play
11027	GA: And I Agree The Fate Of The Race Is Important But Its In My Hands Now
11028	GA: All Of Ours Really
11029	CA: huh
11030	CA: wwell ok
11031	GA: Really
11032	CA: ordinarily id call bullshit on terrible stinkin bs like that but i knoww you dont really lie about stuff
11033	CA: unless its to yourself
11034	CA: but thats wwhy i bother evven talking to you i wwouldnt evven be here SAYIN any of this otherwwise
11035	CA: so did your clouds tell you that
11036	GA: The Doomsday Scenario In Particular
11037	GA: No Not Exactly
11038	CA: i got clouds and they dont tell me SHIT they hide nothin but misfortune and monstrosities
11039	CA: fuckin pain in the ass fuckin clouds
11040	CA: so howw do you knoww then
11041	GA: I Have Another Source
11042	CA: ok wwell you are jacked tight the fuck into this thing in so many wways i dont knoww wwhat to say anymore
11043	CA: wwhatevver wwe wwill just play and find out i guess
11044	CA: so can you tell her to talk to me anywway
11045	GA: No
11046	CA: god dammit
11047	CA: she and me are teammates wwevve got to havve a powwwwoww or SOMETHING
11048	GA: You Arent Actually On The Same Team
11049	CA: fuck
11050	CA: fine i get it ill step off
11051	CA: you dont wwant to be our auspistice cause you dont wwant to get locked into that sort of relation wwith her i can respect that
11052	GA: No Thats Not It
11053	CA: yeah it is your real feelins run pretty awwful RUDDY methinks evverybody knowws it
11054	CA: especially that assblood karkat he and me havve you so pegged about that its upright silly
11055	CA: but its cool its totally fine dont wworry ill leavve you alone and givve you a shot
11056	GA: Its Unbelievable
11057	GA: Her Patience
11058	CA: wwhat
11059	CA: wwhoa wwait wwho
11060	GA: Never Mind
11061	CA: ok wwait did she talk to you today
11062	CA: wwhat did she say
11063	CA: or glub or wwhatevver
11064	GA: Something About Longing To Touch You Indiscretely
11065	CA: WWWWHAT
11066	GA: And That Shes Basically In The Scarlet Throes For You
11067	GA: As Deep In The Flushed Quadrant As One Can Be
11068	CA: wwait
11069	CA: did she actually say that
11070	CA: in confidence
11071	GA: To The Letter
11072	CA: can you copy exactly wwhat she said
11073	GA: Absolutely Not
11074	CA: this is bullshit youre bee essing me in some wway awwful
11075	CA: you dont lie but you do tease and ill tranfuse my kickass royal blood out wwith incontinent musclebeast discharge if i wwont knoww wwhen im gettin hooked
11076	GA: Yeah
11077	GA: Shes Just A Concerned Moirail
11078	GA: Looking Out For You
11079	GA: Thats All
11080	CA: awwww fuck
11081	CA: see im tellin you
11082	CA: you got to play your cards right
11083	GA: What Do You Mean
11084	CA: if youre not savvvvy about howw you define yourself to people
11085	CA: you can just splash into the moirail zone before you knoww wwhich wways upwward
11086	GA: Oh
11087	GA: Hmm
11088	CA: kan its hard
11089	GA: What
11090	CA: being a kid and growwing up
11091	CA: its hard and nobody understands
11092	There is a lot to do before you enter. There will be a lot of people to talk to and help along the way. No, not meddle with or mediate. HELP, dammit! You are very helpful.
11093	You have a lot of inside information on what you and your coplayers are about to face. You are jacked tight the fuck into this thing in so many ways we don't know what to say anymore. And it's not just cloud visions either.
11094	You have another source.
11095	In one dream, the clouds pointed you to the address of a server hidden in an obscure pocket of a realm unknowable to mortals. It contains a journal written by a young member of an alien species. She has documented her experiences playing the game you are about to play.
11096	You can only assume this took place a long time ago. This race is likely ancient, preceding yours by millions of sweeps. Maybe billions! You like to try to imagine the adventures of these players. Were they successful in repopulating their race? Did they manage to protect their matriorb and hatch a new mother grub? Could they hold it together, or were they torn apart by the complex social dynamics, the matespritships and moirallegiences and auspisticisms and kismesissitudes that will surely plague your group along the way?
11097	You have little doubt they succeeded with flying colors.
11098	You have little doubt their victory was because of their leader, a great heroine, the TENTACLETHERAPIST. From what she recorded, it seems the group had very little knowledge of what they were getting into. And yet they appear to have been the only of their kind to have risen to the challenge in a session stacked heavily against them. You are convinced her leadership was the difference.
11099	It would be nice to have the chance to talk to her. Alas, she's likely been dead for millennia. Only the incomplete record of a long forgotten quest remains.
11100	On the other hand, if you were to discover her quest ended in failure, it might be somewhat disillusioning.
11101	But that thought never crossed your mind.
11102	Having narrowly dodged obliteration, you take your place as the PAGE OF BREATH in the LAND OF SAND AND ZEPHYR.
11103	AG: Taaaaaaaavros!
11104	AG: Go outside and look at what I 8uilt for you! You are going to FLIP!
11105	AT: oKAY,
11106	AT: i THINK THIS, iS,
11107	AT: pROBABLY MEANT TO ANTAGONIZE ME,
11108	AG: What are you talking a8out. Look at my 8eatiful 8uilding. Don't you think it's a8out time someone got a little cre8tive with this game????????
11109	AT: uMMM, mAYBE,
11110	AG: Everyone always wants to do things the 8oring way.
11111	AG: Didn't we make a truce, Tavros? That we would try to 8e less 8oring from now on?
11112	AG: You don't want to 8reak your truce with me, do you Tavros?
11113	AT: nO,
11114	AG: Gr8. Now get clim8ing!
11115	AT: pLEASE DON'T READ THIS AS,
11116	AT: a BORING THING, i HOPE,
11117	AT: bUT,
11118	AT: iT'S PHYSICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO DO THAT, mOSTLY,
11119	AG: Man. I knew it. Toreasnooze is 8ACK IN ACTION.
11120	AT: wHY DON'T YOU, iN LIKE,
11121	AT: a NOT BORING WAY, bUILD,
11122	AT: mORE INCLINED SURFACES, lIKE YOU DID OVER THERE,
11123	AT: mAYBE YOU COULD COLOR THEM, wITH FUN COLORS,
11124	AT: sO YOU WON'T THINK THEY'RE BORING AND GET ANGRY AT ME SOME MORE,
11125	AG: I 8uilt that ramp 8ecause we were in a hurry to save your life, remem8er?
11126	AG: A dead Tavros is even more 8oring than an alive and crippled Tavros 8y a slim margin.
11127	AG: My stair structure is lovely and I'm not changing it.
11128	AG: Now hop out of your wheel device and get clim8ing!!!!!!!!
11129	AT: uHH,
11130	AT: cLIMBING,
11131	AG: Or crawling. Whatever! Stop 8eing so helpless. It's pathetic.
11132	AT: iT WILL TAKE A LONG TIME,
11133	AG: What's the rush! You're in the game, safe and sound. Look in the sky. Do you see any meteors? I sure don't!
11134	AT: bUT, tHERE ARE IMPS AROUND,
11135	AT: aND i'LL BE SORT OF DEFENSELESS,
11136	AT: lYING DOWN ON STAIRS,
11137	AG: Siiiiiiiigh.
11138	AG: You did not just use that excuse. We 8oth know you can commune with these things.
11139	AG: Hey! Why don't you psychically command them to carry you up????????
11140	AG: Oh my god that is a gr8 idea. Once again, leave it to Vriska to come up with the cre8tive solutions.
11141	AT: i WOULDN'T REALLY,
11142	AT: WANT TO MAKE THEM DO THAT,
11143	AT: i JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND, wHY,
11144	AT: wE CAN'T DO THIS THE EASY WAY,
11145	AG: What good would that do you?
11146	AG: Whatever the purpose of this game is, it makes you work hard for it!
11147	AG: That way you 8ecome stronger along the way and you are 8etter prepared for whatever's next.
11148	AG: Remem8er when we used to flarp together???????? It was the exact same principle. And that's why you were always outmatched! You were too soft and not well prepared.
11149	AG: Nothing comes easy, Tavros. That is why we go through the trials in the 8rooding caverns when we are young.
11150	AG: To make sure we are strong when we come out!
11151	AG: Do you remem8er the trials, Tavros?
11152	AT: nOT VERY WELL, nO,
11153	AG: Well, I do, and they were a 8itch.
11154	AG: 8ut now that I think a8out it, it would make perfect sense if your trials were really easy 8y some mistake.
11155	AG: That is why you are such a soggy phlegm sponge, and why you got picked 8y such a sad, frail little lusus!
11156	AT: }:(
11157	AG: 8ut that's ok, it pro8a8ly wasn't your fault. Just a 8ad 8r8k!
11158	AG: You're lucky you have me as a server player, so I can challenge you and help you get strong.
11159	AG: Now hop out of that seat and get clim8ing! I will deliver the device to you once you are at the top.
11160	AG: Clim8, Pupa!
11161	AG: Cliiiiiiiiim8!
11162	AT: mAYBE i SHOULD ASK TINKERBULL ABOUT THIS,
11163	AT: hE'S REALLY SMART, nOW THAT HE CAN TALK,
11164	AG: No!!!!!!!!
11165	AG: You don't need help from your lame 8ull fairy. He is only holding you 8ack.
11166	AT: hE'S MY FRIEND,
11167	AG: God. Pathetic.
11168	AG: This is getting frustrating.
11169	AG: Why did I have to get stuck with the cripple? Just my luck.
11170	AG: Do you have any idea how inconvenient this is? Do you have any sympathy for what I'm dealing with here?
11171	AT: uHH,
11172	AG: You're so inconsider8. You just sit there looking smug. It's infuri8ing to look at you.
11173	AG: You haven't even thanked me! Or apologized for that matter!!!!!!!!
11174	AG: uHHHHHHHH THANKS VRISKA, fOR sAVING UHH MY LIFE,
11175	AG: uMMMMM IT SURE WAS 8RAVE AND HEROIC AND PRETTY OF YOU,
11176	AG: aLSO uMMM dUHHH,,,, uMMM,,, i AM SORRY FROM THE 8OTTOM OF MY NOOK,,,,,,,,,,
11177	AG: Seriously, how hard would that have 8een?
11178	AT: oKAY,
11179	AT: tHANKS, i GUESS,
11180	AT: bUT,
11181	AT: sORRY FOR WHAT,
11182	AG: For 8eing crippled, you ass!
11183	AT: yOU WANT ME TO APOLOGIZE,
11184	AT: fOR BEING PARALYZED,
11185	AG: Yes.
11186	AG: Say you're sorry.
11187	AT: i DON'T MEAN TO BE RUDE, oR bORING,
11188	AT: bUT THAT'S RIDICULOUS, gIVEN,
11189	AT: uH, tHE CIRCUMSTANCES,
11190	AG: 8ullshit!
11191	AG: It's something called 8asic decency and civility you fudge8looded 8oor.
11192	AG: Now get down on your useless wo88ly knees and apologize.
11193	AT: nO, i DON'T WANT TO,
11194	AG: >::::O
11195	AG: Apologize, Pupa!
11196	AG: Apologiiiiiiiize!!!!!!!!
11197	AG: Say you're sorry for being a cripple! Wheeeeeeee!
11198	AG: Aaaaaaaahahahahahahahaha!
11199	Now she's done it. She has awoken the mighty inner fury that is...
11200	RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUFIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
11201	But unfortunately, Rufio is not real. He's imaginary. A fake. Like a made up friend, the way fairies are.
11202	You continue to be sad and alone.
11203	AG: Hey, what's your deal!
11204	AG: Shouldn't you 8e helping me out of this jam instead of fussing with my plum8ing????????
11205	GA: Just Presenting A Floating Reminder That Tavros Will Need Plenty Of Inclined Surfaces For His Ascent
11206	AG: That's silly. I made so many ramps, you wouldn't even 8elieve it.
11207	AG: I specifically decided I wanted to 8uild something ugly and 8oring. It is now the land of ramps and yawns.
11208	GA: Hes Reported Otherwise
11209	AG: That lousy snitch! May8e I should take his computer away so he can't go crying to fussyfangs anymore.
11210	GA: Maybe I Should Upend This Load Gaper Over Your Head
11211	AG: No, don't!
11212	GA: Im Still Learning The Interface
11213	GA: It Could Happen Accidentally At Any Moment
11214	AG: I'm only trying to help him. ::::(
11215	GA: Think Of Another Way To Help
11216	AG: Fine.
11217	AG: I'll do something NICE.
11218	AG: I have an idea. I will 8e right 8ack.
11219	AG: And for the record, I was going to do this anyway! I was just trying to make him a 8etter player first.
11220	GA: Ok
11221	AG: In the meantime, how a8out I serve my client player the way I think is 8est, and you can do the same for yours????????
11222	GA: Hmm
11223	GA: I Thought I Was
11224	You make your way down to one of your innumerable LOOT STRONGHOLDS where you stash riches and gold and jewels and prizes plundered during your campaigns.
11225	There they are. Your ROCKET BOOTS. You must confess you will find favor with just about any kind of footwear as long as it is bright red. You would wear these striking boots even if they were broken pieces of junk!
11226	But as it happens they work just fine and they are awesome.
11227	AG: Quit cleaning up after me!!!!!!!!
11228	AG: You are so ridiculous.
11229	AG: Flyyyyyyyy!
11230	AT: yESSSS, aNOTHER PIECE FITS,
11231	AT: wE ARE MAKING SOME STRICT PROGRESS ON THIS PUZZLE,
11232	AG: Oh. That's cool I guess.
11233	AT: sO WHERE DO YOU THINK, iS THE NEXT ONE,
11234	AG: Um, I don't know? Pro8a8ly 8uried in the stupid sand somewhere like all the others.
11235	AT: oKAY, THAT'S MOSTLY WHAT i WAS THINKING TOO, bUT,
11236	AT: iT SUDDENLY DOESN'T SOUND LIKE YOU THINK THE PUZZLE IS COOL,
11237	AG: The puzzle sucks! All these puzzles suck.
11238	AG: If I have to help you put one more dum8 sla8 of 8oring rock into another stupid wall indent8tion I am going to put an indent8tion in my desk with my f8ce.
11239	AT: bUT IT, uHH,
11240	AT: iT LOOKS LIKE A FROG,
11241	AT: aND THAT'S KIND OF FUN,
11242	AG: Snore. These puzzles are for wigglers. I solved way 8etter puzzles than this in my heyday as Mindfang.
11243	AG: Oh look some ruins. Oh look another mysterious recess in the wall! I wonder if something fits in there????????
11244	AG: It pro8a8ly just opens a secret passage to more wall indent8tions. I am so over this puzzle.
11245	AT: uHH, bUT,
11246	AT: tHEY ARE NECESSARY TO SOLVE, aREN'T THEY,
11247	AT: tO FIND NEW MAGIC ARTIFACTS AND THINGS, aND LEARN MORE ABOUT THE LORE OF THIS LAND,
11248	AG: Tavros, let me let you in on a little secret a8out the lore of your land.
11249	AG: It's 8oring!!!!!!!!
11250	AT: }:o
11251	AG: The minds of your consorts are very soft and impressiona8le.
11252	AG: As easily manipul8ed as all those imps you've 8een 8ossing around.
11253	AG: I have picked apart their tiny little lizard 8rains and seen through all the smoke and mirrors of their riddles.
11254	AG: I have gotten to the truth they are guarding. The great 8ig mystery 8ehind this planet. And you know what it is, Tavros?
11255	AT: nO,
11256	AG: It's 8ullshit!
11257	AG: Meaningless, 8oring, fanciful 8ullshit wrapped in flowery poems to keep you guessing.
11258	AG: It all leads to one thing anyway, and that's what we should put our attention on.
11259	AG: Real gamers cut to the chase. They power through all the nonsense and go for the gold.
11260	AG: They cheat, Tavros.
11261	AG: It is time you learned to start cheating.
11262	AT: i THOUGHT, i KIND OF WAS CHEATING,
11263	AT: bY MAKING FRIENDS WITH MONSTERS,
11264	AG: Well, it's a good start. You are 8ending the rules and getting stuff done.
11265	AG: Ok I will admit, I am fairly impressed with your progress so far. Even though you still pro8a8ly haven't even killed a single enemy!!!!!!!
11266	AT: uMM,
11267	AG: No, don't 8other. I know you haven't.
11268	AG: 8ut may8e that's ok. May8e it's just your style, and your real strength is surrounding yourself with allies who are much stronger than you.
11269	AG: Like me!
11270	AG: I'm sure there is more than one way up the echeladder. In your case pro8a8ly the only way is to roll gently up the echeramp.
11271	AG: The path of the invalid.
11272	AT: yEAH, i AGREE,
11273	AG: 8ut I think it's time to stop fucking around! You need to 8e challenged more.
11274	AG: I have 8een designing a quest for you that should test your true limits.
11275	AT: oHH,
11276	AT: iS THAT WHAT YOU WERE DOING, aLL THIS TIME,
11277	AG: Yes.
11278	AT: i MEAN, nOT THAT i DON'T,
11279	AT: aPPRECIATE IT, BUT,
11280	AT: dON'T YOU HAVE YOUR OWN QUEST TO DO,
11281	AG: Yeah, well, after she got me in the game, Kanaya just left me in the lurch, pro8a8ly 8ecause she's dealing with her own crisis now.
11282	AG: Which is just as well 8ecause I was starting to get nannied HARD. You wouldn't even 8elieve it.
11283	AT: nANNIED,
11284	AG: So I had some time to kill.
11285	AG: I drew you a map!
11286	AT: wHOAAA,
11287	AG: Here, take a look.
11288	AG: It marks what will 8e your new destination. Where you will find the ultim8 challenge.
11289	AT: wHERE DOES IT GO,
11290	AG: I have determined from your consorts that there is a terri8le monster deep underground.
11291	AG: It guards a hoard of treasure 8igger than either of us can imagine!
11292	AG: It is called a denizen, and it is the 8oss of your whole planet.
11293	AG: Tavros, you will go and face your denizen.
11294	AT: wON'T THAT BE,
11295	AT: tOO DIFFICULT,
11296	AG: It will 8e the most powerful adversary you have ever met.
11297	AG: 8ut you can handle it. I 8elieve in you!
11298	AT: uM, tHANKS,
11299	AT: i MEAN, i RESPECT THAT YOU HAVE LOTS OF,
11300	AT: pIRATEY BRAVADO ABOUT STUFF, aND YOU TYPE FAST ABOUT IT,
11301	AT: bUT i THINK THIS IS FOOLISH AND NOT SENSIBLE,
11302	AT: i WILL PROBABLY JUST GET KILLED, rEALISTICALLY,
11303	AG: May8e! That is the risk you take 8y 8eing a 8rave adventurer.
11304	AG: 8ut it is a good opportunity to apply your cunning.
11305	AG: May8e you can rally a huge army to 8end to your will and overwhelm the monster???????? Who knows! It is up to you.
11306	AG: This is it, Tavros. It is time to sink or swim.
11307	AT: i SHOULD GET kANAYA'S ADVICE,
11308	AT: oR MAYBE kARKAT SINCE HE IS THE LEADER,
11309	AG: No!!!!!!!!
11310	AG: Oh god, every time. Always going and getting to others to 8ail you out.
11311	AG: Anyway, Kanaya is missing in action, and Karkat has his head up his nook with his new sta88y h8friend.
11312	AG: Neither can help you.
11313	AT: iT'S JUST HARD TO FIGURE OUT,
11314	AT: iF YOU REALLY THINK THIS IS A GOOD IDEA STRATEGICALLY,
11315	AT: oR IF IT'S JUST MORE OF THE THING, wHERE YOU HARASS ME BUT SOUND EXCITED ABOUT IT,
11316	AG: Tavros, I know no8ody 8elieves me a8out this, pro8a8ly not even a gulli8le dope like you.
11317	AG: 8ut I actually care a8out your advancement as a player.
11318	AG: Everything I have done has 8een to make you stronger!
11319	AT: oKAY,
11320	AT: i STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT TO BELIEVE, aBOUT THAT,
11321	AG: Ugh, you are useless!
11322	AG: I'm done talking a8out this. Now shut up and point that cherry vehicle of yours toward the X on that map.
11323	AG: Next stop, g8 seven. Let's go.
11324	AT: uHHHHHH,
11325	AG: This isn't optional. You know very well that I can make you go to that g8 whether you want to or not!
11326	AG: 8ut I would rather it not have to come to that.
11327	AG: What will it 8e?
11328	AG: Advance or advance?
11329	AT: oKAY,
11330	AT: i WILL GO,
11331	AG: Oh one last thing.
11332	AG: Equip your 8oy-Skylark outfit.
11333	AG: This will 8e Pupa's last stand!
11334	AG: I mean sit.
11335	AG: Hahahahahahahaha.
11336	You proceed through what seems to be your second gate, into the LAND OF MAPS AND TREASURE. The THIEF OF LIGHT lies in wait.
11337	Oh my!
11338	It appears Pupa Pan himself has flown through your window while you were asleep. How exciting! Surely he is here to take you away on the adventure of a lifetime. He is more dreamy and heroic than you ever imagined.
11339	But what's this?? It seems the legendary Boy-Skylark has misplaced his shadow. He is looking EVERYWHERE for it, to no avail. He is having a devil of a time, what with being paralyzed from the waist down and all. He clearly needs your help.
11340	Pupa! You truly are a silly goose. Your shadow has been trapped underneath your useless torso the whole time! Honestly, where else would it be you stupid sack of shit?
11341	Of course, the secret to reuniting with your shadow is to get up and walk around. And play and dance and frolic! Your shadow will surely join in your gaiety.
11342	But it appears Pupa has lost the use of his legs. There will be no frolicking in this young man's future. ::::(
11343	Unless...
11344	Everyone knows that just a pinch of SPECIAL STARDUST along with a happy thought will allow any boy to get up and walk again. Everyone knows this because it is in the classic tale, PUPA PAN. Young Pupa flies through the window of a fairy girl's respiteblock, falls on the floor, and has trouble getting up like an enormous pansy. The fairy girl then helps him walk again, and in return, he teaches her to fly, even though she probably already knows how to fly. Because she's a fairy. They fly out of her window together, and have magical adventures for many sweeps thereafter.
11345	To be honest, you hardly know a damn thing about Pupa Pan. But you do not care.
11346	Pupa remains as pathetic and useless as ever. The stardust did nothing! Probably because it is just glittery powder with no magical properties whatsoever and is basically bullshit. Because in case it wasn't clear, magic isn't real, and neither are miracles.
11347	OR
11348	It could just be that Pupa has failed to have a happy thought!
11349	Your duty is clear. You will have to MAKE him have happy thoughts.
11350	Whew, crisis resolved. It was no doubt harrowing and suspenseful.
11351	But in the meantime, you have left your client player in the lurch. Ideally she has not gotten herself into too much trouble.
11352	And ideally the dramatic irony has not gotten so thick you could draw a dotted line on it with a tube of lipstick and cut it in half with a chainsaw.
11353	So THAT'S why she had you make this dress for her???
11354	And you just went along with it like a sucker.
11355	Argh, you are such an IDIOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
11356	MOTHERSPRITE: There there, sweetheart.
11357	Kanaya, it's hard.
11358	Being a kid and growing up.
11359	It's hard and nobody understands.
11360	The problem is that when the subject of troll romance is broached, our sparing human intellects instantly assume the most ingratiating posture of surrender imaginable.
11361	But we will do our best to understand regardless.
11362	Humans have only one form of romance. And though we consider it a complicated subject, spanning a wide range of emotions, social conventions, and implications for reproduction, it is ultimately a superficial slice of what trolls consider the full body of romantic experience. Our concept of romance, in spite of its capacity to fill our art and literature and to rule our individual destinies like little else, is still just that. A single, linear concept. A concept usually denoted by a single symbol.
11363	<3
11364	Troll romance is more complicated than that. Troll romance needs four symbols.
11365	Their understanding of romance is divided into halves, and halved again, producing four quadrants: the FLUSHED QUADRANT, the CALIGINOUS QUADRANT, the PALE QUADRANT, and the ASHEN QUADRANT.
11366	Each quadrant is grouped by the half they share, whether horizontally or vertically, depending on the overlapping properties one examines. The sharpest dichotomy, from an emotional perspective, is drawn between RED ROMANCE and BLACK ROMANCE.
11367	RED ROMANCE, comprised of the flushed and pale quadrants, is a form of romance rooted in strongly positive emotions. BLACK ROMANCE, with its caliginous and ashen quadrants, is rooted in the strongly negative.
11368	On the other hand, the vertical bifurcation has to do with the purpose of the relationship, regardless of the emotions behind it. Those quadrants which are CONCUPISCENT, the flushed and caliginous, have to do with facilitating the elaborate reproductive cycle of trolls. Those which are CONCILIATORY, the pale and ashen, would be more closely likened to platonic relationships by human standards.
11369	There are many parallels between human relationships and the various facets of troll romance. Humans have words to describe relationships of a negative nature, or of a platonic nature. The difference is, for humans, those relationships would never be conceptually grouped with romance. Establishing those sort of relationships for humans is not driven by the same primal forces that drive our tendency to couple romantically. But for trolls, those primal forces involve themselves in the full palette of these relationships, red or black, torrid or friendly. Trolls typically feel strongly compelled to find balance in each quadrant, and seek gratifying relationships that each describes.
11370	The challenge is particularly tortuous for young trolls, who must reconcile the wide range of contradictory emotions associated with this matrix, while understanding the nature of their various romantic urges for the first time.
11371	Of course, young humans have this challenge too. But for trolls, the challenge is fourfold.
11372	When two individuals find themselves in the flushed quadrant together, they are said to be MATESPRITS. Matespritship is the closest parallel to the human concept of romance trolls have. It plays a role in the trolls' reproductive cycle, just as it does for humans.
11373	This is pretty obvious! Not much more needs to be said about this. Moving right along.
11374	When a pair of adversaries delve into this quadrant, they become each other's KISMESIS. As one of the concupiscent quadrants, it plays a role in procreation as well. There is no particularly good human translation for this concept. The closest would be an especially potent arch-rivalry.
11375	For instance, human players would never be able to adequately diagnose the relationship between the queen and her archagent. But troll players could immediately place it as a dead ringer for kismesissitude. They would think we were all pretty stupid for not getting it. And they would be right.
11376	Trolls have a complicated reproductive cycle. It's probably best not to examine it in much detail.
11377	The need to seek out concupiscent partners comes with more urgency than typical reproductive instincts. When the IMPERIAL DRONE comes knocking, you had better be able to supply genetic material to each of his FILIAL PAILS. If you have nothing to offer, he will kill you without hesitation.
11378	The genetic material - WITHOUT GOING INTO MUCH DETAIL - is a combinative genetic mix from the matesprit and kismesis pairs, respectively. The pails are all offered to the mother grub, who can only receive such precombined material. She then combines all of it into one incestuous slurry, and begins her brooding.
11379	This doesn't mean the initial combination was for naught, however. In the slurry, more dominant genes rise to the fore, while the more recessive find less representation in the brood. Especially strong matesprit and kismesis pairings yield more dominant genetic material. The more powerful the complement or potent the rivalry, the more dominant the genes.
11380	TROLL REPRODUCTION SURE IS WEIRD. We all take a moment to lament how pedestrian the human reproductive system is, and further lament that the phrase "incestuous slurry" is not a feature of common parlance in human civilization.
11381	This quadrant involves a particular type of three-way relationship of a black romantic nature. Falling on the conciliatory side, it has no bearing on the reproductive cycle, except for indirect ramifications.
11382	When two trolls are locked in a feud or some otherwise contentious relationship, one can intervene and become their AUSPISTICE. The auspistice mediates between the two, playing the role of a peace keeper, preventing the feud from boiling over into a fully caliginous rivalry.
11383	Since such lesser feuds are quite common among trolls, there is a significant need for auspisticing parties. Without them, too many ashen feuds would become caliginous, and begin to conflict with other exclusive kismesis relationships, leading to a great deal of social complexity and sore feelings (even more so than black romance usually involves). Without auspisticism, the result would be widespread black infidelity.
11384	The relationships each quadrant describes tend to be malleable, if not volatile, especially on the concupiscent half where more torrid emotions reside. It doesn't take much to flip a switch and transmute blackrom feelings to redrom, and vice versa.
11385	In many cases, one party will have red feelings while the other has black. But it will often be the case that one party's feelings will swap to match the other's, since there is no quadrant which naturally accommodates such a disparity. But thereafter, it's not uncommon for the two to toggle between red and black in unison now and then. These scenarios naturally result in both red and black infidelities.
11386	This sort of relationship volatility is why conciliatory relationships are an important part of troll romance.
11387	An auspistice can stabilize particularly turbulent relationships. If the auspistice fails to mediate properly, or has no interest in the role, or perhaps has different romantic intentions him/herself altogether, then the relationship often quickly deteriorates into one of an especially hostile and torrid nature. There are many outside factors and influences tugging and pulling these relationships in different directions, and unlike humans who have very orderly, simple, straightforward romantic relationships without exception, trolls exist in a state of almost perpetual confusion and generally have no idea what the hell is going on.
11388	Being confused by troll relationships is one thing we do have in common though.
11389	This quadrant presides over MOIRALLEGIENCE, the other conciliatory relationship. A reasonable human translation would be the concept of a soul mate, but in a more platonic sense, and with a more specific social purpose.
11390	Trolls are a very angry and violent race. Some are more hot-tempered and dangerous than others, to the extent that if left to their own devices, they would present a serious threat to society, or even to themselves. Such trolls will have an instinctive pale attraction to a more even-tempered troll, who may become their MOIRAIL. The moirail is obliged to pacify the other, to function as the better half. The two partners in a strong pale relationship will serve to balance and complement each other's emotional profiles, and thus allow their other relationships to be more successful.
11391	It's often ambiguous especially among young trolls whether a bond formed between an acquaintance is true moirallegence, or the usual variety of platonic involvement. Furthermore, romantic intentions of a more flushed nature can often be mistaken for paler leanings, much to the frustration of the suitor.
11392	But some pale pairings, as the one above, will be strikingly obvious to all who know them.
11393	And yet others will seem to have been hatched for each other.
11394	God you just can't get enough of this can you! That would have been a great point for a transition out of this illustrated sociological study, but ok, if you insist.
11395	Now see, what's going on here is...
11396	It's perfectly simple. When the full matrix of troll romance is in action, we have... uh...
11397	Hey, why don't you figure it out! You should be an expert on all this by now anyway.
11398	Later our troll hero would try to explain this to our human hero, attempting to convey all the nuance of troll romance through a nearly verbatim recitation of the preceding excerpts.
11399	He would try to describe how rich and textured the troll romantic comedies were compared to the one dimensional schlock of our human cinematic counterparts. He would barely scratch the surface of Troll Will Smith's virtuosity with the delicate lattice of troll romance, as he would assist the bumbling fudgeblooded Troll Kevin James through the interwoven minefield-briarpatch of redrom and blackrom entanglements, all the while sifting through his own prickly romantic situation and ultimately learning the true meaning of hate and pity. But would they succeed before the imperial drone came knocking with his thirsty pails at the ready??? Yes, they would.
11400	But John didn't understand any of this because he's a moron, and he wouldn't shut up about his awful bullshit Earth movies. He would just go on and on and on about that garbage.
11401	But if there was one theme to be hammered through his thick skull, it would be the trolls' cultural preoccupation with romantic destiny. Yes, the romantic landscape is rife with false starts and miscues and infidelities, red and black. But every troll believes strongly that each quadrant holds one and only one true pairing for them, and it is just a matter of time before the grid is filled with auspicious matchups through the mysterious channels of TROLL SERENDIPITY.
11402	In short, their belief is that for each quadrant there exists a pair or triad of trolls somewhere in the cosmos that were...
11403	MADE FOR EACH OTHER.
11404	Wow, another great transition. You wonder if it will stick this time. You have no choice but to take a stab at the rare and extremely dangerous 2x TRANSITION COMBO.
11405	Looks like it worked.
11406	So who IS this guy, anyway?
11407	Your name is ERIDAN AMPORA.
11408	Wait for it...
11409	Wait.
11410	THAR SHE BLOWS.
11411	Ok, that guy is pretty much squared away.
11412	What about her?
11413	Your name is FEFERI PEIXES.
11414	That should keep her quiet for a while.
11415	At least until she dies.
11416	That should keep her happy for a while.
11417	And make a freshly orphaned troll somewhere pretty sad.
11418	You conveniently return to your respiteblock so that we may study your variety of INTERESTS.
11419	This was very considerate of you.
11420	Flowing through your veins is nearly the richest blood the hemospectrum has to offer, penultimate on the scale. As such, you are a SEA DWELLER, a sub-race of troll distinct from the commoners by mutation and habitat, a caste which rules over the entire species.
11421	But ruling, in your view, is not enough. You have an overpowering GENOCIDE COMPLEX, and have made it your sworn duty to KILL ALL LAND DWELLERS. You have amassed resources and deadly weaponry from around the world for this ambition through many sweeps of EXTREME ROLE PLAYING, while pursuing a working DOOMSDAY DEVICE which will bring armageddon to all those on the surface. Haven't had much luck with that, but maybe tonight's your night.
11422	You hold a fascination for MILITARY HISTORY AND LEGENDARY CONQUERORS. You have dubiously modeled your profile and exploits after the most notorious figures and their stories, which are bristling with the GLORY OF VICTORY and the STING OF DEFEAT and POLITICAL MACHINATIONS and ROMANTIC INTRIGUE. It is an image you are careful to craft through EXAGGERATED EMOTIONAL THEATRICS, and your penchant for mass murder notwithstanding, people tend to regard you as a BIT OF A TOOL.
11423	You also like MAGIC, even though you know it to be FAKE. Like a made up friend, the way wizards are. Made up make believe FAKEY FAKEY FAKES. It's still fun though.
11424	Your trolltag is caligulasAquarium and you speak wwith a vvery wweird and sort of wwavvy soundin accent.
11425	You hold off on doing anything for the moment on account of courtesy to fellow royalty.
11426	On the subject of courtesy, you have also returned to your block so we can get a better look at you. Again, quite considerate.
11427	Royalty sure is civilized!
11428	You are also a SEA DWELLER. You have the most noble blood possible, the only of your kind known to possess it, and the only to share it with GL'BGOLYB, a deep sea monster also known as THE RIFT'S CARBUNCLE, EMISSARY TO THE HORRORTERRORS, or in more hushed tones, SPEAKER OF THE VAST GLUB.
11429	This makes you the HEIR APPARENT for Alternian rulership, which ordinarily would place you in considerable jeopardy. HER IMPERIOUS CONDESCENSION would steer the flagship from the fleet and make an attempt on your life herself, if not for the protection of your monstrous lusus.
11430	And if not forewarned of your race's extinction by the whispers of that lusus, you would have BIG PLANS FOR THE THRONE. All the plans. All of them.
11431	You would redefine what it means to be CULLED in troll society. Under your rule it would mean caring for the unfit and infirm rather than exterminating them, and you have put this idea into practice by CULLING THE FAUNA OF THE DEEP. You tend to wild and beautiful AQUATIC HOOFBEASTS, grooming and feeding them daily. You capture and cage CUTTLEFISH by the thousands for their own good, and also because they are funny and colorful and you love them. They often swim through the bars of their cages, but that is fine. You run your whole palace as a sort of WILDLIFE ADOPTION FACILITY, even if the wildlife's need for care is dubious at best, and the practice really just amounts to an elaborate ROLE PLAYING SCENARIO. It's still fun though.
11432	You would also look forward to using your reign to UNITE THE TWO RACES. You were told you would do this one day by your lusus, even if it does contradict her message of extinction. Oh well, you suppose NOT ALL PROPHECIES CAN COME TRUE.
11433	Your trolltag is cuttlefishCuller and you )(ave a )(ard time not getting R-EALLY -EXCIT-ED ABOUT PRACTICALLY -EV-------ERYT)(ING!
11434	What will you both do?
11435	YES.
11436	FUCK YES.
11437	HELL
11438	FUCKING
11439	YES.
11440	CA: fef
11441	CA: hey
11442	CC: ?
11443	CA: glub
11444	CC: Glub glub!
11445	CC: 38)
11446	CA: yeah
11447	CA: hm
11448	CC: W)(at is it!!!
11449	CA: wwhat
11450	CC: I am wondering if you can forego t)(e exaggerated emotional t)(eatrics for once and actually tell me w)(at's on your mind!
11451	CA: nothins on my mind wwhy cant i just fuckin talk and glub at you for a reason i dont havve
11452	CC: 38|
11453	CA: wwell fine but you dont wwant to hear it
11454	CC: Yes I do.
11455	CC: We are supposed to talk to eac)( ot)(er, t)(at is w)(at moirails are for.
11456	CA: uhuh wwhatevver
11457	CC: Glub glub glub glub siiiiig)(.
11458	CC: Will you take t)(e c)(ip off your nub and tell me w)(at's t)(e matter?
11459	CA: yeah wwell ok since wwe are the PALEST OF PALS A GUY COULD EVVER ASK FOR
11460	CA: i wwill tell you
11461	CA: evven though you wwill only humor me as usual since you dont agree wwith my agenda
11462	CA: any of my agendas really
11463	CA: none of the agendas
11464	CA: none of them
11465	CC: Are you fretting over anot)(er one of t)(ese dumb contraptions?
11466	CA: see
11467	CA: more condescension
11468	CA: you are goin to make a hell of an empress
11469	CC: No I'm not! But t)(at is beside t)(e point.
11470	CC: None of your plots to kill t)(e land dwellers ever work out, and every doomsday device you get your )(ands on turns out to be a piece of junk!
11471	CA: so
11472	CA: i got to keep tryin thats howw all the great military masterminds became great through upright persevverance
11473	CC: I t)(ink deep down you stack t)(ese plots against you so you fail because you know it's wrong.
11474	CA: it isnt wwrong
11475	CA: im not going to explain it to you again
11476	CA: at this point all you need to knoww is its important to me
11477	CA: and im doing it for us
11478	CA: i mean our kind
11479	CA: nobody understands not evven you
11480	CC: T)(is is t)(e last time I will say t)(is.
11481	CC: W-E AR-E NOT B-ETT-ER T)(AN ANYBODY!!!!!
11482	CC: GLUB. >38(
11483	CA: pshh
11484	CA: hemospectrum begs to differ
11485	CC: If you're as sickened by t)(em as you say, w)(y do you spend so muc)( time on land?
11486	CC: You can't )(ave t)(e sort of affinity for "our kind" t)(at you profess if you've only spent, w)(at...
11487	CC: A few days underwater, maybe? IN YOUR W)(OL-E LIF-E!
11488	CA: wwhatevver
11489	CA: i havve to keep an eye on em up here
11490	CA: its all about tactics
11491	CC: W)(at about your friends? Do you ever t)(ink about t)(em?
11492	CC: If t)(ey are beneat)( you t)(en t)(ey )(ave to die too.
11493	CC: And I know you like talking to some of t)(em. You say you )(ate t)(em but I t)(ink you are pretending!
11494	CA: history is full of cases wwhere conquerers consort wwith members of the enemy in a mannerly wway before wwipin them out
11495	CA: evven goin as far as growwin fond a some
11496	CA: its only civvilized
11497	CC: Mmm )(mm.
11498	CC: I )(ave a fis)(y feeling...
11499	CC: T)(at t)(is stupid doomsday mac)(ine t)(ing is just anot)(er excuse to consort!
11500	CC: Wit)( someone in particular...
11501	CA: all your feelins are fishy
11502	CC: 38P
11503	CA: GLUBGLUBGLUBGLUBGLUBGLUB
11504	CC: 38O
11505	CC: DON'T YOU GLUB IN T)(AT TON-E OF GLUB WIT)( M-E MIST-ER!
11506	CA: ill glub in wwhatevver dumbass bubbly soundin fishnoise i wwant to glub
11507	CC: O)( S)(IT, you are angling for SO MUC)( TROUBL-E NOW.
11508	CA: ok please lets just not get into the wwhole fuckin fish pun thing again ok
11509	CA: like wwe get it wwe are nautically themed
11510	CC: )(-E)(-E ok. 38)
11511	CA: but yeah i dunno
11512	CA: i dont knoww wwhy she ignores me i guess shes just bored wwith me
11513	CA: wwe had it all set up for her to givve me this thing tonight that probably doesnt evven wwork but yeah maybe that wwasnt the point
11514	CA: i mean you think wwe havve a pretty good rivvalry goin right
11515	CA: or at least had
11516	CA: it wwas pretty fuckin bitter and contentious for a wwhile there and there wwas some good chemistry i dont knoww wwhat happened
11517	CC: Um, I guess?
11518	CC: I wouldn't really know.
11519	CC: Sometimes people just drift away I t)(ink, or just aren't as into t)(e quadrant as t)(e ot)(er wants to be.
11520	CC: So you really t)(ink your feelings for )(er run t)(at dark?
11521	CA: it doesnt matter like i said shes bored shitless
11522	CA: i guess im not as good a advversary as i thought
11523	CC: T)(at is so ridiculous, any girl would be lucky to )(ave a kismesis as diabolical as you, especially T)(AT one.
11524	CC: W)(o knows w)(at )(er problem is! S)(e )(as issues.
11525	CA: ehhh
11526	CA: wwell ok thanks for sayin so
11527	CC: You know, I'm not sure w)(y we never talk about our romantic aspirations.
11528	CC: We s)(ould more often. It is kind of -EXCITING!
11529	CA: shrug
11530	CC: Probably because you fill your gossip quota wit)( your nubby )(orned bro.
11531	CC: You leave not)(ing left to talk about wit)( your dear sweet moirail!
11532	CC: We are supposed to )(elp eac)( ot)(er wit)( t)(at stuff too, remember.
11533	CA: maybe
11534	CA: seems kinda
11535	CA: odd though
11536	CC: Your stupid fis)(y face is w)(at's odd!
11537	CC: )(AV-E YOU -EV-ER T)(OUG)(T ABOUT T)(AT??
11538	CA: fine
11539	CA: wwell those are my stupid feelins wwhat about yours
11540	CA: seems to me like you get along too wwell wwith evverybody to be harborin any black sentiments
11541	CC: Um...
11542	CC: Yea)(. I can't t)(ink of anybody I feel t)(at way about. 38\
11543	CC: Maybe I am just not old enoug)( to )(ave t)(ose feelings yet? We are still pretty young you know.
11544	CA: yeah
11545	CC: So ok. T)(ose are your black leanings.
11546	CC: W)(at about R-ED, ------Eridan???
11547	CC: )(MMMMM??????? 38D
11548	CA: oh god
11549	CC: Is t)(ere a lucky lady you are waxing scarlet for?
11550	CC: OR LUCKY F-ELLOW??? 38O
11551	CA: uh
11552	CC: Tell me!
11553	CC: Don't pretend you're all -EMBARRASS-ED SUDD-ENLY!!!
11554	CA: ok fef
11555	CA: this is NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS
11556	CC: 38o
11557	CA: i gotta go
11558	CA: be back later wwhen its time to play
11559	CC: 38(
11560	Another emotionally exhausting conversation. Too many FEELINGS AND PROBLEMS. It couldn't be any clearer to you. You and this sea princess have splashed down hard into the moirail zone, and now you don't know which way's upward. Perhaps tonight you will reveal your true feelings toward her, and end these exaggerated emotional theatrics once and for all, one way or another.
11561	You need a stiff drink.
11562	But... ugh. Not this swill. You're not THAT desperate.
11563	You pay a visit to what the common land dwellers refer to as a THERMAL HULL, instead of the more aristocratic and especially esoteric and alien sounding term, a REFRIGERATOR.
11564	A bunch of UNBELIEVABLY SHITTY WANDS tumble out.
11565	Of course you knew these were in here. You're not even sure why you looked.
11566	Another emotionally exhausting conversation. Too many FEELINGS AND PROBLEMS. That guy. Talk about a high maintenance moirail. Perhaps tonight you will reveal your true feelings toward him, and end these exaggerated emotional theatrics one way or another.
11567	You need a sugary drink.
11568	You decide to unwind and take your mind off the drama for a while before starting the game. You nearly forgot this is going to be an exciting night. Everything you are about to do next is exciting. It is always exciting. You are excited.
11569	You unequip <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/psi.gif" border="0" />DON'S ENTENTE, a golden DOUBLE CULLING FORK, a legendary weapon reserved for royalty, and generally only used for ceremonial purposes.
11570	You unequip AHAB'S CROSSHAIRS, which is YET ANOTHER legendary weapon, about as powerful as your KIND ABSTRATUS will allow.
11571	You plundered it from a ghost ship during a particularly challenging campaign. It was the same old gamblignant's ship from which your accomplice at the time also plundered a set of extraordinarily powerful dice.
11572	You almost feel sorry for the adversaries you will face tonight. They will likely pose neither team much challenge at all. Unless one of the links in the prototyping chain includes something especially huge and monstrous, but really, what are the odds of that happening?
11573	On the subject of your old accomplice/rival, you guess you'll try talking to her one more time, even though you know she won't answer. You know she is bored shitless with you and your drama. You are almost starting not to care about this stupid doomsday device which probably won't even work. She probably KNOWS you know it won't work. She has probably put all the pieces together and knows it was an elaborate ruse to be in cahoots with her again.
11574	And she just went along with it playing you for a chump.
11575	You are such an IDIOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
11576	Yeah, see? No answer. Bored shitless, just like you thought. She has much hotter irons in the fire than you these days.
11577	But it wasn't that long ago that you were the hottest iron. At the height of your prowess as seagrifts, Marquise Mindfang and Orphaner Dualscar were in alliance an unmatched terror, and in competition, unbridled tempest. Either way, spoils were typically traded and shared. No levels were left for anyone else to gain. None of the levels.
11578	She would have the victims of your conquest walk the plank.
11579	While you would reap the custodial spoils.
11580	And while yet another partook not in revelry, but necessity.
11581	She had to keep her fed to keep her calm, to keep her terrible voice down.
11582	If she were to raise it above a whisper, trolls would begin dying. First, the lesser bloods, those more psychically susceptible.
11583	If she raised it to a shout, all on the planet would die. Land and sea dwellers alike.
11584	And if she were ever to get really upset, she might release THE VAST GLUB, a psychic shockwave that would exterminate every troll in the galaxy.
11585	In truth, it would be all too easy to solve the land dweller problem once and for all. You'd just need to lighten up on the feeding schedule for a while. Maybe you'd be a little too busy to bother with that hassle for once? Or maybe you could happen to be off your game for a spell? It happens, even to the best sometimes.
11586	But nah. It would make her upset.
11587	More emotions. More problems. That's all you need.
11588	The WITCH OF LIFE takes her place in the LAND OF DEW AND GLASS.
11589	CC: W)()()()()(-E-E-E-E-EW.
11590	CA: fef are you in
11591	CC: Yea)(...
11592	CA: that took forevver
11593	CA: i wwas gettin wworried kinda
11594	CC: Yes, it was a pretty close call, and got kind of complicated.
11595	CC: But Sollux finally came t)(roug)(, and now I believe t)(e full c)(ain is complete!
11596	CA: man that guy
11597	CA: hes a fuckin drama machine it is fuckin pathetic
11598	CC: YOUR STUPID FIS)(Y FAC-E IS T)(-E DRAMA MAC)(IN-E T)(AT DO-ES NOT)(ING BUT W)(IN-E AND GLUB.
11599	CC: 38P
11600	CA: fuck SORRY
11601	CC: Anyway you s)(ouldn't say t)(at about )(im, )(e is a )(ero and )(e saved my life.
11602	CA: yeah sorry
11603	CA: i wwas just really wworried and stressed out i thought you wwere dead
11604	CA: and i didnt evven get to thank you for savvin my life or really for anythin
11605	CA: and i just spent all this time here wworryin and thinkin about stuff
11606	CA: and i decided i havve something i wwant to tell you
11607	CA: that ivve been meaning to get off my nub for a wwhile noww
11608	CC: O)(, really?
11609	CC: T)(at's good! Actually, I )(ave somet)(ing I )(ave been meaning to say to you too.
11610	CA: wwhoa really
11611	CA: uh
11612	CA: wwhat is it
11613	CA: you go first
11614	CC: Mm, okay.
11615	CC: But t)(is isn't easy to say!
11616	CA: yeah i knoww
11617	CA: its ok maybe i wwill understand more than you think
11618	CA: wwe might evven be sayin the same thing
11619	CC: Okay, I )(ope so.
11620	CC: I t)(ink...
11621	CC: Now t)(at we are bot)( in t)(is game, and )(ave left our world be)(ind...
11622	CC: And you can no longer pose t)(e danger to our people t)(at you )(ad always planned to...
11623	CC: I t)(ink it is not really necessary for me to be your moirail anymore.
11624	CA: wwhoa
11625	CA: wwait
11626	CA: wwhat
11627	CC: 38(
11628	CC: I am really sorry, -Eridan. It )(as just been so )(ard looking after you and keeping you out of trouble!
11629	CC: It )(as taken its toll, and )(onestly I am really ex)(austed.
11630	CA: fuck
11631	CA: this isnt what
11632	CA: i dont knoww i wwasnt expectin this at all
11633	CA: im not sure i can handle this
11634	CC: I'm sorry!!! 38'(
11635	CC: It will be t)(e best for bot)( of us. We can just sort of be...
11636	CC: Regular friends instead.
11637	CA: no
11638	CA: please dont
11639	CA: look im bein serious here dont do this
11640	CA: i wont even use my weird accent while i type ok so you know im bein really dead serious and honest about this
11641	CC: Uh...
11642	CC: Okay, I am being serious and honest too. SEE?
11643	CA: ok good
11644	CA: are you sure you arent bein hasty about this youve just been through a lot
11645	CA: i mean we are supposed to be fated to be moirails arent we
11646	CA: isnt that how it works
11647	CA: you cant just throw all that away cause youre sick of me
11648	CC: I am not sick of you, Eridan! I still really like you.
11649	CC: In order to be destined for moirallegience, both people have to be on board, don't you think?
11650	CC: But I cannot do it anymore. So I think it just wasn't meant to be all along.
11651	CC: And really, you just don't need me anymore. You are free to do as you wish! We both are.
11652	CC: I can't look after you anymore.
11653	CA: I DIDNT EVER NEED ANYONE TO LOOK AFTER ME
11654	CA: i was totally fuckin fine my ambitions were noble
11655	CA: and really none of your fuckin business QUITE FRANKLY your majesty
11656	CA: and the only reason i put up with stickin my flipper in this fuckin shithole quadrant with you was
11657	CC: Was what?
11658	CA: nevermind
11659	CC: Tell me!
11660	CA: ok fine
11661	CA: i apologize for losin my shit over this i was just caught off guard is all
11662	CA: but maybe its a good thing really
11663	CA: actually i might a been proposin the same thing to be honest
11664	CC: Oh?
11665	CA: yeah
11666	CA: fef have you thought about
11667	CA: since you dont wanna be pale with me no more
11668	CA: the possibility a some other type of arrangement with me
11669	CC: What do you mean?
11670	CA: i mean
11671	CA: somethin a bit more
11672	CA: kinda reddish
11673	CA: like
11674	CA: brighter red
11675	CC: 38O
11676	CC: No, I hadn't thought about it!
11677	CA: ok well what do you think about it
11678	CA: now that youre thinkin about it
11679	CC: Um...
11680	CC: I really don't know about that.
11681	CA: why not i thought you said you liked me
11682	CC: I do! But I don't know if it's really in that way.
11683	CA: couldnt it be though
11684	CA: dont you think theres room in your collapsin and expandin bladder based aquatic vascular system for those feelins
11685	CC: I've never had a chance to consider anything like that! I have just spent all my time worrying about you and trying to keep you from killing everybody or hurting yourself.
11686	CC: It took all my energy.
11687	CC: I don't think I have anything left for those feelings either.
11688	CA: oh god
11689	CC: What?
11690	CA: im the biggest fuckin idiot who ever lived
11691	CA: i cant BELIEVE i just opened up to you like a chump when i knew what was comin
11692	CA: i am one sad fuckin brinesucker
11693	CA: overemotional sappy trash youre right im not better than anybody
11694	CA: im worse than anybody
11695	CA: EVERYBODY
11696	CA: all the bodies
11697	CC: STOP!!!!!!!!!!!
11698	CC: God.
11699	CC: Will you just clam up for once in your life?
11700	CC: Always carping and carping and carping!
11701	CC: You go completely overboard with your emotions, always looking to reel in drama wherever you can.
11702	CC: I am up to my gills in it! I just can't salmon the strength anemonemore.
11703	CA: i cannot
11704	CA: BELIEVE
11705	CA: you are doin the fish pun thing while youre breakin up with me
11706	CA: real nice
11707	CA: whoops i mean REEL nice
11708	CC: HEHEHE, sorry.
11709	CC: But really, this shouldn't be as bad as it sounds.
11710	CC: When all is said and done, I am still your friend.
11711	CC: We have left our world behind. Everyone is dead, and there's no use in worrying about it now.
11712	CC: It's over! It is time to play this game and focus on building something new and ------EXCITING.
11713	CC: So )(ang in t)(ere, -Eridan.
11714	CC: I )(ave to go now! Sollux is in serious trouble, and I )(ave to go )(elp )(im.
11715	CC: BY------------------------E!
11716	CA: wwait
11717	CA: dont go
11718	CA: glub
11719	YOU'R-E FR-E-E-E-E-E-E---------------E!
11720	CG: BRO ARE YOU OK.
11721	CG: HEY
11722	CG: OH GOD
11723	CG: WHAT HAVE I DONE.
11724	CG: SOLLUX?
11725	CG: PLEASE TELL ME THAT'S JUST HONEY.
11726	CG: PLEASE JUST BE HONEY PLEASE JUST BE HONEY PLEASE JUST BE HONEY
11727	CG: HAHA, OK, MAKE-BELIEVE TIME IS OVER!
11728	CG: OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD
11729	It is all your fault. You couldn't get him in before the glub.
11730	There, there, you blubbering goddamn pansy.
11731	CA: gam i need to talk to kar wwhere is he he isnt answwerin
11732	TC: He's bUsY BeInG SlApPeD MoThErFuCkIn sEnSeLeSs bY ThE GuY WhO LiKeS KnIvEs
11733	TC: BuT I CaN ReLaY WhAt mEsSaGe yOu gOt, My bRoThEr
11734	CA: i dont feel comfortable wwith that
11735	CA: i havve some serious feelins and problems here and i need some advvice
11736	TC: HaHa, YeAh i fEeL YoU, hE'S PrEtTy wOrKeD Up tOo
11737	CA: wwhy
11738	TC: BeCaUsE OuR GoOd bRo sOlLuX JuSt kIcKeD ThE WiCkEd mOtHeRfUcKiN ShIt
11739	CA: wwhat the fuck do you mean by that
11740	CA: are you sayin hes dead
11741	TC: YeAh :o(
11742	CA: oh fuck
11743	CA: oh god fuck noww i feel like an asshole
11744	TC: YeAh i'd sAy tHaT An aSsHoLe iS ThE ThInG ThAt jUsT AbOuT WhAt eVeRyBoDy fEeLs lIkE
11745	TC: KaRkAt bLaMeS HiMsElF On iT, pOoR MoThErFuCkEr
11746	TC: BuT I ToLd hIm tO Be cHiLl
11747	TC: BeCaUsE ThErE Is a mIrAcLe cOmInG, i cAn fEeL It
11748	CA: that is the wworst fuckin advvice
11749	CA: wwhat an awwful thing a you to say
11750	CA: MAGIC ISNT REAL STUPID STOP BELIEVVIN IN IT
11751	TC: i'Ve gOt tO BeLiEvE At wHaT My hEaRt tElLs iN Me, EvEn iF It's a fAkE ThInG
11752	TC: HoNk
11753	CA: this is a lot a pointless fuckin rubbish and isnt no emotional help to him or me either for that matter
11754	CA: put kar on
11755	TC: UuUuH, i cAn't rEaLlY ThInK AbOuT InTeRvEnInG, tHe bLaCk fRoWnInG MoThErFuCkEr kInDa sCaReS Me
11756	TC: ArE YoU SuRe i cAn't hElP A bRoThEr Up iNtO HiS MoThErFuCkIn cHiLl?
11757	CA: i dont knoww
11758	CA: it probably doesnt matter
11759	CA: my feelins seem petty and meaninless noww
11760	CA: she had better things to wworry about than my ovverwwrought bullshit
11761	CA: like the dead guy wwho savved her
11762	CA: so forget it thanks anywway
11763	TC: BrO My aDvIcE Is yOu jUsT KiCk bAcK AnD MoThErFuCkIn sNaP InTo sOmE RuDe eLiXiR AnD MaYbE GeT YoUr wIcKeD ZoNe oN
11764	TC: ThErE I SaId mY PeAcE
11765	CA: wwhat the FUCK are you fuckin babblin about
11766	TC: SnAtCh aN IcEcOlD, dOg
11767	TC: MoThErFuCkIn cHuG ThAt sHiT LiKe yOu aNd tHe bOtTlE WaS ReUnItEd lOvErS
11768	CA: are you recommendin a bevverage to me or somethin
11769	CA: is that wwhat this is
11770	TC: YeAh mAn SlAm A FaYgO
11771	CA: i dont havve a fuckin faygo you stupid fuck wwhy wwould i keep that disgusting shit on hand
11772	TC: ArE YoU MoThErFuCkIn sUrE AbOuT ThAt?
11773	CA: oh
11774	CA: oh god youre right i do
11775	CA: i totally forgot about it
11776	TC: YoU SeE MaN
11777	TC: MoThEr
11778	TC: FuCkIn
11779	TC: MiRaClEs
11780	TC: :o)
11781	You prepare to kick back and motherfuckin' snap into some rude elixir and maybe get your wicked zone on.
11782	It sure would be startling if what followed was a crudely drawn spit-take accompanied by an odd, short exclamation.
11783	What.
11784	It's just soda. Not great, but not that bad either. What's the big deal?
11785	We all need to settle down here.
11786	A princess prepares to administer a universal remedy for the unawakened.
11787	Goddamn troll kids. Every time you turn around they're smoochin' each other. Makes a man want to stab his own gut and puke blood.
11788	It is like I am the kid from the Never Ending Story. I was chased by some bullies into this fucking attic and now I am watching people watching people watching more people kissing and stuff basically forever. How many metalayers removed this story can we get??
11789	This attic is spooky. I wish those bullies would just leave me alone.
11790	Later I am going to ride a long magic dog through the sky and fuck their shit up.
11791	Ugh. This troll paint is making a mess. This was such a bad idea.
11792	AH employs a daring execution of AUTHORTECH -> LADDER TO SELF INDULGENCE behind his own back. It keeps happening.
11793	All MSPA readers make a solemn vow to do an acrobatic fucking pirouette off the stump and blow their brains out if it doesn't stop keep happening.
11794	Excuse me?
11795	Oh, I'm sorry. Am I not going fast enough for you?
11796	Well QUITE FRANKLY, your majesty, I don't think you realize what kind of hell I've been through.
11797	Do you have any idea how long I've been trapped in this attic??
11798	Do you have any idea how FUCKING SCARY it is in here???
11799	Do you have even the SLIGHTEST CLUE how many times that wolf head over there has SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME?????
11800	AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
11801	No, this is MY LIFE we're talking about here. Bullies. Wolves. Musty attics. Huge spiders. Did I mention the spiders? Let me tell you, I got HELLA spiders up in this...
11802	Fuck, this horn fell off. Dammit. Piece of shit. Wonder if there's any glue in here... oh screw it.
11803	Do you have any idea how much power I wield over you?? To what extent I can RUIN the shit you step in with that squeaky clean sunday loafer you use to stomp that bookmark and stamp that F5 key, day goddamn in and day fucking out??? Do you possess even the most infinitesimal kernel of cognizance for the degree to which I can make the shorn, shivering weasel that is the totem spirit representing your wretched fascination with this website squeal in heartrending remorse????
11804	It would be so easy! I could snap my gray smudgy fingers RIGHT NOW, and make you read all the troll romance exposition segments all over again, BACK TO BACK TO BACK TO BACK TO BACK TO BACK.
11805	Oh, you don't think I'll do it????????
11806	The problem is that when the subject of troll romance is broached, our sparing human intellects instantly assume the most ingratiating posture of surrender imaginable.
11807	But we will do our best to understand regardless.
11808	Humans have only one form of romance. And though we consider it a complicated subject, spanning a wide range of emotions, social conventions, and implications for reproduction, it is ultimately a superficial slice of what trolls consider the full body of romantic experience. Our concept of romance, in spite of its capacity to fill our art and literature and to rule our individual destinies like little else, is still just that. A single, linear concept. A concept usually denoted by a single symbol.
11809	<3
11810	Troll romance is more complicated than that. Troll romance needs four symbols.
11811	Their understanding of romance is divided into halves, and halved again, producing four quadrants: the FLUSHED QUADRANT, the CALIGINOUS QUADRANT, the PALE QUADRANT, and the ASHEN QUADRANT.
11812	Each quadrant is grouped by the half they share, whether horizontally or vertically, depending on the overlapping properties one examines. The sharpest dichotomy, from an emotional perspective, is drawn between RED ROMANCE and BLACK ROMANCE.
11813	RED ROMANCE, comprised of the flushed and pale quadrants, is a form of romance rooted in strongly positive emotions. BLACK ROMANCE, with its caliginous and ashen quadrants, is rooted in the strongly negative.
11814	On the other hand, the vertical bifurcation has to do with the purpose of the relationship, regardless of the emotions behind it. Those quadrants which are CONCUPISCENT, the flushed and caliginous, have to do with facilitating the elaborate reproductive cycle of trolls. Those which are CONCILIATORY, the pale and ashen, would be more closely likened to platonic relationships by human standards.
11815	There are many parallels between human relationships and the various facets of troll romance. Humans have words to describe relationships of a negative nature, or of a platonic nature. The difference is, for humans, those relationships would never be conceptually grouped with romance. Establishing those sort of relationships for humans is not driven by the same primal forces that drive our tendency to couple romantically. But for trolls, those primal forces involve themselves in the full palette of these relationships, red or black, torrid or friendly. Trolls typically feel strongly compelled to find balance in each quadrant, and seek gratifying relationships that each describes.
11816	The challenge is particularly tortuous for young trolls, who must reconcile the wide range of contradictory emotions associated with this matrix, while understanding the nature of their various romantic urges for the first time.
11817	Of course, young humans have this challenge too. But for trolls, the challenge is fourfold.
11818	When two individuals find themselves in the flushed quadrant together, they are said to be MATESPRITS. Matespritship is the closest parallel to the human concept of romance trolls have. It plays a role in the trolls' reproductive cycle, just as it does for humans.
11819	This is pretty obvious! Not much more needs to be said about this. Moving right along.
11820	When a pair of adversaries delve into this quadrant, they become each other's KISMESIS. As one of the concupiscent quadrants, it plays a role in procreation as well. There is no particularly good human translation for this concept. The closest would be an especially potent arch-rivalry.
11821	For instance, human players would never be able to adequately diagnose the relationship between the queen and her archagent. But troll players could immediately place it as a dead ringer for kismesissitude. They would think we were all pretty stupid for not getting it. And they would be right.
11822	Trolls have a complicated reproductive cycle. It's probably best not to examine it in much detail.
11823	The need to seek out concupiscent partners comes with more urgency than typical reproductive instincts. When the IMPERIAL DRONE comes knocking, you had better be able to supply genetic material to each of his FILIAL PAILS. If you have nothing to offer, he will kill you without hesitation.
11824	The genetic material - WITHOUT GOING INTO MUCH DETAIL - is a combinative genetic mix from the matesprit and kismesis pairs, respectively. The pails are all offered to the mother grub, who can only receive such precombined material. She then combines all of it into one incestuous slurry, and begins her brooding.
11825	This doesn't mean the initial combination was for naught, however. In the slurry, more dominant genes rise to the fore, while the more recessive find less representation in the brood. Especially strong matesprit and kismesis pairings yield more dominant genetic material. The more powerful the complement or potent the rivalry, the more dominant the genes.
11826	TROLL REPRODUCTION SURE IS WEIRD. We all take a moment to lament how pedestrian the human reproductive system is, and further lament that the phrase "incestuous slurry" is not a feature of common parlance in human civilization.
11827	This quadrant involves a particular type of three-way relationship of a black romantic nature. Falling on the conciliatory side, it has no bearing on the reproductive cycle, except for indirect ramifications.
11828	When two trolls are locked in a feud or some otherwise contentious relationship, one can intervene and become their AUSPISTICE. The auspistice mediates between the two, playing the role of a peace keeper, preventing the feud from boiling over into a fully caliginous rivalry.
11829	Since such lesser feuds are quite common among trolls, there is a significant need for auspisticing parties. Without them, too many ashen feuds would become caliginous, and begin to conflict with other exclusive kismesis relationships, leading to a great deal of social complexity and sore feelings (even more so than black romance usually involves). Without auspisticism, the result would be widespread black infidelity.
11830	The relationships each quadrant describes tend to be malleable, if not volatile, especially on the concupiscent half where more torrid emotions reside. It doesn't take much to flip a switch and transmute blackrom feelings to redrom, and vice versa.
11831	In many cases, one party will have red feelings while the other has black. But it will often be the case that one party's feelings will swap to match the other's, since there is no quadrant which naturally accommodates such a disparity. But thereafter, it's not uncommon for the two to toggle between red and black in unison now and then. These scenarios naturally result in both red and black infidelities.
11832	This sort of relationship volatility is why conciliatory relationships are an important part of troll romance.
11833	An auspistice can stabilize particularly turbulent relationships. If the auspistice fails to mediate properly, or has no interest in the role, or perhaps has different romantic intentions him/herself altogether, then the relationship often quickly deteriorates into one of an especially hostile and torrid nature. There are many outside factors and influences tugging and pulling these relationships in different directions, and unlike humans who have very orderly, simple, straightforward romantic relationships without exception, trolls exist in a state of almost perpetual confusion and generally have no idea what the hell is going on.
11834	Being confused by troll relationships is one thing we do have in common though.
11835	This quadrant presides over MOIRALLEGIENCE, the other conciliatory relationship. A reasonable human translation would be the concept of a soul mate, but in a more platonic sense, and with a more specific social purpose.
11836	Trolls are a very angry and violent race. Some are more hot-tempered and dangerous than others, to the extent that if left to their own devices, they would present a serious threat to society, or even to themselves. Such trolls will have an instinctive pale attraction to a more even-tempered troll, who may become their MOIRAIL. The moirail is obliged to pacify the other, to function as the better half. The two partners in a strong pale relationship will serve to balance and complement each other's emotional profiles, and thus allow their other relationships to be more successful.
11837	It's often ambiguous especially among young trolls whether a bond formed between an acquaintance is true moirallegence, or the usual variety of platonic involvement. Furthermore, romantic intentions of a more flushed nature can often be mistaken for paler leanings, much to the frustration of the suitor.
11838	But some pale pairings, as the one above, will be strikingly obvious to all who know them.
11839	God you just can't get enough of this can you! That would have been a great point for a transition out of this illustrated sociological study, but ok, if you insist.
11840	Now see, what's going on here is...
11841	It's perfectly simple. When the full matrix of troll romance is in action, we have... uh...
11842	Hey, why don't you figure it out! You should be an expert on all this by now anyway.
11843	Later our troll hero would try to explain this to our human hero, attempting to convey all the nuance of troll romance through a nearly verbatim recitation of the preceding excerpts.
11844	He would try to describe how rich and textured the troll romantic comedies were compared to the one dimensional schlock of our human cinematic counterparts. He would barely scratch the surface of Troll Will Smith's virtuosity with the delicate lattice of troll romance, as he would assist the bumbling fudgeblooded Troll Kevin James through the interwoven minefield-briarpatch of redrom and blackrom entanglements, all the while sifting through his own prickly romantic situation and ultimately learning the true meaning of hate and pity. But would they succeed before the imperial drone came knocking with his thirsty pails at the ready??? Yes, they would.
11845	But John didn't understand any of this because he's a moron, and he wouldn't shut up about his awful bullshit Earth movies. He would just go on and on and on about that garbage.
11846	But if there was one theme to be hammered through his thick skull, it would be the trolls' cultural preoccupation with romantic destiny. Yes, the romantic landscape is rife with false starts and miscues and infidelities, red and black. But every troll believes strongly that each quadrant holds one and only one true pairing for them, and it is just a matter of time before the grid is filled with auspicious matchups through the mysterious channels of TROLL SERENDIPITY.
11847	In short, their belief is that for each quadrant there exists a pair or triad of trolls somewhere in the cosmos that were...
11848	MADE FOR EACH OTHER.
11849	THAT'S WHAT JUST HAPPENED BITCH.
11850	AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
11851	HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
11852	Hmm.
11853	Nah, I think we're good.
11854	Yeah ok. Guess I've trolled you guys enough.
11855	Where were we? Oh yeah. Slick.
11856	It's bad enough you had to watch this broad smooch a corpse and this kid bawl his eyes out once already, even if it was centuries ago.
11857	NEXT.
11858	Oh for the love of...
11859	Why would they even DESIGN a button like that if it doesn't print the right advancement characters???
11860	You are getting really tired of mashing the '=' key.
11861	This moon is different. It's very...
11862	Purple.
11863	And quiet.
11864	Doesn't look like anyone here is awake yet.
11865	Not like the yellow moon you were just dreaming about. Plenty of friends there, all up and around, making a racket.
11866	It was fun for a while. Until you woke up with honey in your mouth, killed your lusus, saved a princess, and died.
11867	Luckily you had a couple lives to spare.
11868	Most other players only get one extra.
11869	But you're kind of a special case.
11870	Huh?
11871	Just what you need. Another voice of the imminently deceased invading your head. Haven't they caused you enough trouble already?
11872	Get iit out.
11873	GET IIT OUT GET IIT OUT GET IIT OUT GET IIT OUT GET IIT OUT GET IIT OUT GET IIT OUT GET IIT OUT GET IIT OUT GET IIT OUT GET IIT OUT GET IIT OUT GET IIT OUT
11874	You've wasted enough time on sleeping and dying. You've got to get back to adventurin' while the adventurin's good. And also change out of these stupid pajamas.
11875	PCHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
11876	The revived MAGE OF DOOM returns to the LAND OF BRAINS AND FIRE for a surprise rendezvous with the WITCH OF LIFE.
11877	Hey what the heck is going on in here???
11878	Somewhere on LOMAT, the Thief and the Page plunder the untold riches of innumerable pointless side-quests.
11879	The Thief is proving useless. Completely unresponsive to commands.
11880	You'll need to rely on someone else. Someone less stubborn.
11881	Someone craftier.
11882	While the KNIGHT OF BLOOD charges ahead, the SEER OF MIND remains behind to unravel the mysteries of the LAND OF THOUGHT AND FLOW.
11883	It's the voice again.
11884	You were wondering when she'd come back. This time you are ready for her.
11885	You search for the appropriate card through your SCRATCH AND SNIFF modus.
11886	The card will be unmistakable. It is the one that smells like a fruity rainbow that makes you sneeze.
11887	Why yes, as a matter of fact. It does appear that the ROGUE OF HEART has been keeping herself quite busy.
11888	You inquire into whereabouts of the MAID OF TIME. The HEIR OF VOID has no idea where she went! She just disappeared.
11889	The underlings have been getting enormous lately. Must have been something one of those other clowns prototyped.
11890	Speaking of clowns...
11891	It does not appear to be a message from Karkat directed at you specifically.
11892	He has just updated one of the many memos on the transtimeline bulletin board he set up a while ago. You've since no longer bothered keeping up with the endless and mostly incomprehensible communique.
11893	But while checking the update, you can't help but skim through the first memo in the long sequence, which was written hours ago from your present perspective.
11894	PAST carcinoGeneticist [PCG] 6:12 HOURS AGO opened public transtimeline bulletin board TEAM ADORABLOODTHIRSTY.
11895	~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
11896	PCG 6:12 HOURS AGO opened memo on board TEAM ADORABLOODTHIRSTY.
11897	PCG: OK I THINK I SET THIS UP RIGHT.
11898	PCG: FUCK I SHOULD HAVE COME UP WITH A BETTER BOARD NAME.
11899	PCG: BUT I GUESS THAT'S THE NAME IT WAS SUPPOSED TO HAVE SINCE THAT'S THE NAME THAT
11900	PCG: UH
11901	PCG: I ALREADY READ.
11902	PCG: WOW THAT PROBABLY WON'T MAKE ANY SENSE TO ANYBODY.
11903	PCG: WHATEVER, IT'S JUST A STUPID NAME, LET'S JUST DO THIS.
11904	PCG: THIS IS A PUBLIC BULLETIN USING TROLLIAN'S WEIRD TRANSTIMELINE FEATURES WHICH I DON'T EVEN REALLY UNDERSTAND YET.
11905	PCG: BUT I'M GUESSING MIGHT BE USEFUL.
11906	PCG: I'VE INCLUDED ALL TWELVE PLAYERS IN THE SUBSCRIPTION LIST SO YOU SHOULD ALL BE ABLE TO READ THESE MEMOS AT ANY TIME.
11907	PCG: THAT IS, ALL THE MEMOS POSTED, PAST AND FUTURE. I THINK.
11908	PCG: IT COULD GET PRETTY TEMPORALLY CONFUSING OBVIOUSLY. I'M GOING TO TRY TO KEEP THE MEMOS AS SIMPLE AND LINEAR AS POSSIBLE.
11909	PCG: ALSO LET'S KEEP THIS A ONE-WAY-ONLY BULLETIN TO MAKE THIS AS SIMPLE AS POSSIBLE.
11910	PCG: DO NOT REPLY TO MY MEMOS!!! THIS IS NOT A FUCKING CHATROOM, ASSHOLES.
11911	PCG: IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY TO ME IN RESPONSE TO A MEMO, MESSAGE ME IN PRIVATE AT THE APPROPRIATE POINT ON THE TIMELINE.
11912	PCG: FIRST ORDER OF BUSINESS IS ABOUT THE TEAMS.
11913	PCG: AS OF NOW, YOU SHOULD ALL BE AWARE THAT THERE IS REALLY ONLY ONE TEAM, AND WE ARE ALL WORKING TOGETHER.
11914	PCG: AND BY "NOW" I MEAN TIME LOCAL TO ME AS OF WRITING THIS.
11915	PCG: SO IF YOU'RE READING THIS IN THE PAST...
11916	PCG: UH OK FIRST OF ALL, HOW DO YOU EVEN KNOW ABOUT THIS FEATURE ALREADY? SECOND WHY DIDN'T YOU FUCKING TELL ME.
11917	PCG: WHATEVER I DIGRESS.
11918	PCG: IF YOU'RE READING THIS IN THE FUTURE THEN WHO CARES, IT'S PROBABLY OLD NEWS TO YOU.
11919	PCG: ACTUALLY NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT, WHAT'S SO SPECIAL ABOUT READING THIS IN THE FUTURE?
11920	PCG: IT'S LIKE ANY BULLETIN BOARD, YOU POST STUFF AND IT SITS THERE FOR A WHILE AND PEOPLE IN "THE FUTURE" READ IT.
11921	PCG: HUH. BIG FUCKING DEAL I GUESS.
11922	PAST gallowsCalibrator [PGC] 5:51 HOURS AGO responded to memo.
11923	PGC: OH MY GOD K4RK4T!
11924	PGC: WHO C4R3S!!!!! >:O
11925	PCG banned PGC from responding to memo.
11926	PCG: ANYWAY LIKE I WAS SAYING.
11927	PCG: ONE BIG TEAM, OVER WHICH I HAVE ASSUMED TOTAL LEADERSHIP.
11928	PCG: I WILL ASSUME THAT IT WILL CONTINUE TO STAY THIS WAY FOR THE DURATION OF OUR QUEST, AND THAT I WILL REMAIN AN IMPECCABLE LEADER FOR A SPAN OF HUNDREDS OF HOURS WHILE I GUIDE US ALL TO A STUNNING VICTORY.
11929	PCG: IN FACT, I DON'T EVEN NEED TO ASSUME.
11930	PCG: I BROWSED THROUGH THIS WHOLE BULLETIN IN ADVANCE, AND IT DOES APPEAR TO BE THE CASE. GO ME.
11931	PCG: IN FACT, SINCE I'VE SEEN WHAT I WILL WRITE IN THE FUTURE, I WONDER WHAT IMPETUS I WILL HAVE FOR WRITING IT LATER WHEN I'M SUPPOSED TO?
11932	PCG: I WONDER IF I COULD JUST COPY/PASTE IT... HOLD ON.
11933	PCG: DAMN.
11934	PCG: I GUESS THEY THOUGHT OF THAT? I DUNNO. I TRIED TO LOOK AT THE WHOLE BULLETIN AGAIN, BUT NOW THAT I'VE OPENED THIS ONE FROM THE BEGINNING, I CAN'T SEE THE WHOLE THING ANYMORE.
11935	PCG: UNLESS I LOOK AT IT ON ONE OF YOUR COMPUTERS...
11936	PCG: OR MAYBE IF YOU SEND ME LIKE A TEXT FILE OF IT? WOULD THAT CAUSE A PARADOX OR SOMETHING?
11937	PCG: YOU KNOW WHAT, THIS IS SO STUPID.
11938	PCG: I ACTUALLY REMEMBER READING ALL THIS SHIT LIKE A HALF HOUR AGO, AND NOW HERE I AM TYPING IT ANYWAY.
11939	PCG: I PROBABLY CAN'T AVOID TYPING ANY OF THIS, HOW WEIRD IS THAT.
11940	PCG: I HATE TIME TRAVEL.
11941	PAST twinArmageddons [PTA] 0:34 HOURS AGO responded to memo.
11942	PTA: eheheheheh KK iim ba2iically ju2t lmao here at thii2, WOW.
11943	PCG: HOLY FUCKING SHIT, ARE YOU PEOPLE RETARDED.
11944	PTA: dude don't worry ii wont fuck up your memo for long, ii ju2t cant beliieve thii2 wa2 the biig rea2on you wanted "future me" two help you open tho2e port2.
11945	PTA: two ba2iically ju2t babble about paradoxe2 and argue wiith your2elf for hundred2 of page2 heheheh.
11946	PCG: OK SO YOU'RE SAYING THIS FROM LIKE 5 HOURS IN THE FUTURE JUST TO GIVE ME A HARD TIME, NICE.
11947	PCG: WELL THANKS FOR THE HELP, SO WHEN DO I BAN YOU, FUTURE BOY?
11948	PTA: a few liine2 down, after ii pretend liike iim goiing two diie.
11949	PTA: iim 2ure for a laugh on account of my iimmiinent banniing, FUCK how could you even do that two me.
11950	PTA: 2o cold man.
11951	PCG: ARE YOU REALLY STILL SORE AT ME FIVE HOURS LATER FOR RUNNING THAT VIRUS, GOD DAMN GET OVER IT.
11952	PCG: IT WAS YOUR FUCKING VIRUS ANYWAY, YOU'RE TO BLAME.
11953	PTA: eheh no bro we're cool about that, now future you ii2 connectiing wiith me 2o ii can enter the game.
11954	PCG: OH YEAH?
11955	PTA: yeah 2o thank2 for that fiive hour2 iin advance.
11956	PCG: THIS IS BS ISN'T IT.
11957	PCG: TROLLING ME FROM THE FUTURE, HOW JUVENILE CAN YOU GET.
11958	PTA: no man iit2 true, we are bulge bumpiing pupa pal2 agaiin.
11959	PCG: OH FUCK THIS CONDESCENDING FUTURE KNOWITALL ACT, WE AREN'T BUMPING SHIT, YOU ARE SO BANNED.
11960	PTA: nooooooo, not the ban, it buuuuuuurn2, oh god hahahaha.
11961	PTA: waiit.
11962	PTA: oh god.
11963	PTA: iit doe2 burn.
11964	PTA: 2omethiing'2 wrong, iim 2eriiou2!
11965	PTA: that horriible p2ychiic noii2e
11966	PTA: the voiice2
11967	PTA: they're all goiing two diie
11968	PTA: oh 2HiiT iim bleediing
11969	PTA: 2hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit
11970	PTA: thii2 ii2 bad
11971	PTA: ii have two get her iin quiick
11972	PTA: got two go
11973	PCG banned PTA from responding to memo.
11974	PCG: AND SO THE PORCINE HOOF BELONGING TO THE SWOLLEN HAG KNOWN AS LADY DESTINY HAS STOMPED ANOTHER THROAT.
11975	PCG: WHICH ONE OF YOU FUCKERS IS NEXT?
11976	PCG: NOBODY???
11977	PCG: OK, GOOD.
11978	PCG: ALTHOUGH I'M FAIRLY SURE I REMEMBER SOMEONE ELSE CHIMING IN BEFORE I CLOSED THIS MEMO.
11979	PCG: YOU ADD DISORDERED SHIT RINSERS CAN'T KEEP YOUR LASCIVIOUS PRONGS OUT OF THE ROE HOLE, CAN YOU.
11980	PCG: SOLLUX, FOR FUTURE REFERENCE, OR PAST REFERENCE OR WHATEVER
11981	PCG: IF YOU WANT TO DO THAT KIND OF ROLEPLAYING, YOU CAN START YOUR OWN BULLETIN.
11982	PCG: YOU CAN ALL ACT LIKE BRAINDEAD ASSWIPES IN YOUR OWN FESTERING FLAP OF PARADOX SPACE, FINE WITH ME.
11983	PCG: EVERYONE WILL BE SO CONFUSED BY THE TIME PARADOXES, IT WILL DISTRACT THEM FROM HOW AWFUL THEIR TERRIBLE HOBBIES ARE.
11984	PCG: CHOOSE YOUR CLASSES NOW! LEVEL 69 NOOKSNIFFER IS UP FOR GRABS, WHO WANTS IT.
11985	PCG: NO THAT'S NOT AN INVITATION FOR YOU FUCKING NERDS TO COME IN HERE AND CORRECT ME ON YOUR GODDAMN FAIRY ELVES.
11986	PCG: JUST DO ME A FAVOR AND KEEP ME BANNED FROM THAT ONE OK.
11987	PCG: I'LL RETURN THE FAVOR IF YOU NERD UP MY MEMOS, I SERIOUSLY CAN'T BELIEVE HOW MANY FUCKING NERDS ARE ON THIS TEAM.
11988	PCG: JUST REMEMBER THIS IS MY PERSONAL PODIUM, A STUMP IF YOU WILL, FOR SOLE USE BY ME AS LEADER FOR IMPORTANT LEADERSHIP BUSINESS.
11989	PCG: GOT IT?????????
11990	FUTURE carcinoGeneticist [FCG] 612 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.
11991	FCG: GROAN.
11992	FCG: THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING.
11993	FCG: WHAT WAS I EVEN THINKING.
11994	PCG: STFU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
11995	PCG banned FCG from responding to memo.
11996	PCG: OK, I'M FED UP WITH THIS MEMO, GONNA CLOSE IT OUT.
11997	PCG: YOU'LL HEAR FROM ME AGAIN LATER WHEN I GOT SOMETHING ELSE TO SAY, I.E. JUST SCROLL DOWN YOU DOUCHE.
11998	PCG: IT'S ALL RIGHT THERE ALREADY.
11999	PCG: BECAUSE OF
12000	PCG: TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIME TRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVEL!
12001	PCG: I KNOW, RIGHT?
12002	PCG: ANYWAY, JUST TO REITERATE:
12003	PCG: FULL STEAM AHEAD
12004	PCG: LEADER = ME FOREVER, OBVIOUSLY
12005	PCG: PEACE THE FUCK OUT DBAGS
12006	CURRENT centaursTesticle [CCT] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
12007	CCT: D --> I'd like to add to this useless memorandum
12008	CCT: D --> That I still don't recognize the validity of your leadership
12009	PCG: SWEET MOTHER GRUB'S OOZING VESTIGIAL THIRD ORAL SPHINCTER.
12010	PCG: HOW CAN YOU PEOPLE BE SO STUPID.
12011	CCT: D --> It may be true that we are all playing in the same session, but I see no reason to disband the former power structure
12012	CCT: D --> Especially if it means instituting a tactical midget with a short fuse, a foul mouth, and paralyzing insecurity over the color of his b100d
12013	CCT: D --> That's all I have to say
12014	PCG: OH I HAVE A SHORT FUSE! THAT'S VERY FUNNY, YOU CAN ALMOST HEAR ME LAUGH OVER THE SOUND OF THE ROBOT YOU ARE PROBABLY BEATING TO DEATH.
12015	PCG: OR DOING WORSE TO.
12016	PCG: HEY, YOU DO KISS YOUR ROBOTS, RIGHT?
12017	CCT: D --> Uh
12018	PCG: MIGHT AS WELL CLEAR THE AIR AS LONG AS WE'RE BROADCASTING THIS ACROSS THE ENTIRE SPACETIME CONTINUUM.
12019	CCT: D --> Not usually
12020	PCG: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
12021	PCG: THE FUNNY THING IS IN THE FUTURE EVERYONE WILL RECOGNIZE ME AS THE UNDISPUTED LEADER, EVEN YOU.
12022	PCG: YOU WILL BE STANDING ON THE TIPPYTOES OF YOUR IDIOTIC METAL SHOES, TAKING DELICATE PURCHASE OF MY NUBBY HORNS AND HOISTING YOURSELF OVER MY HEAD TO PUT YOUR SWEATIEST TOUGH GUY SMOOCH UPON MY TWITCHING SPINE LUMP.
12023	PCG: IT WILL BE TENDER AND DEFERENTIAL, LIKE A PAUPER KISSING A NOBLE'S RING.
12024	PCG: JUST SCROLL DOWN, READ THE LOGS.
12025	CCT: D --> Nowhere have I seen evidence of this
12026	CCT: D --> Most of this is you from various points in time raving about nonsense and arguing with yourself
12027	CCT: D --> Do you realize that here in the future, this bulletin has come to be regarded as something of a joke
12028	CCT: D --> A lengthy piece of comedy, often quoted amongst ourselves in private moments of levity
12029	CCT: D --> It seems I'm the one to inform you of this up front
12030	CCT: D --> Which is likely why you persist with the ingratiating charade against better judgement
12031	PCG: YOU'RE GETTING OFF ON THIS AREN'T YOU
12032	CCT: D --> What do you mean
12033	PCG: THIS EXCITES YOU, BEING THE TOUGH GUY AND PRETENDING LIKE YOU'RE PUTTING THE AWESOME LEADER IN HIS PLACE.
12034	PCG: YOU'RE PROBABLY WORKING UP A GOOD SWEAT.
12035	PCG: HOPE YOU ALCHEMIZED A BUNCH OF SPARE TOWELS.
12036	PCG: HEY WHY DON'T YOU && THEM WITH YOUR SPONGEY BRAIN FOR EXTRA ABSORBENCY.
12037	CCT: D --> How do you know about my perspiration problem
12038	CCT: D --> I mean, aside from reading about it in this memo
12039	CCT: D --> Wait
12040	CCT: D --> Fudgesicles
12041	PCG banned CCT from responding to memo.
12042	PCG closed memo.
12043	~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
12044	~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
12045	CURRENT carcinoGeneticist [CCG] RIGHT NOW opened memo on board TEAM ADORABLOODTHIRSTY.
12046	CCG: THIS IS AS GOOD A TIME AS ANY TO START A NEW MEMO.
12047	CCG: IN FACT IT'S A BETTER TIME THAN ANY BECAUSE ACCORDING TO THE LAWS OF CHAT CLIENT PREDESTINATION I DON'T REALLY HAVE A CHOICE DO I.
12048	CCG: FUCK.
12049	CCG: IT DOESN'T MATTER, IT'S STILL A GOOD TIME TO DO IT.
12050	CCG: PEOPLE, WE NEED TO GET ORGANIZED HERE.
12051	CCG: SHIT IS GETTING SERIOUS.
12052	CCG: WE ARE ABOUT TO EMBARK ON OPERATION REGISURP, A CUNNING PLAN DEVISED BY DOUBLE ARCHAGENT JACK NOIR TO EXILE THE BLACK QUEEN.
12053	CCG: WE WILL NEED ALL HANDS ON DECK FOR THIS, EVEN THE IDIOTS.
12054	CCG: AND ONCE AGAIN, A REMINDER
12055	CCG: DO NOT TROLL ME IN THESE MEMOS FROM ANY POINT IN TIME OR IT'S AN INSTA-BAN.
12056	CCG: ALSO A NOTE TO MY FUTURE SELF
12057	CCG: IF YOU FEEL THE NEED TO SAY SOMETHING SMUG, DO ME A FAVOR AND SHOVE A THROB STALK IN IT.
12058	CCG: JUST SIT THERE PATIENTLY AND WAIT FOR ME TO BECOME YOU IN THE DUE COURSE OF TIME, THUS IMPROVING YOUR INTELLECT DRASTICALLY.
12059	CCG: OR, INTELLECTS PLURAL.
12060	CCG: I FORGOT, THERE ARE A LOT OF YOU FUCKERS OUT THERE.
12061	CCG: ALL OF YOU, JUST ZIP YOUR CHUTES. I MEAN SERIOUSLY, LIKE THERE'S NOTHING BETTER TO DO IN THE FUTURE???
12062	CCG: IT'S THE FUTURE FOR GOD'S SAKE, A REALM OF ENDLESS FUCKING POSSIBILITIES.
12063	CCG: NOW
12064	CCG: BEFORE WE GET STARTED, LET'S TAKE A TOLL OF THE SITUATION AT THIS POINT IN TIME.
12065	CCG: *MY* POINT IN TIME.
12066	CCG: WHO'S IN SO FAR, WHO'S NOT, ETCETERA.
12067	FUTURE caligulasAquarium [FCA] 3:11 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.
12068	FCA: hey sorry for bustin in on the memo but i cant get ahold of you youre not answwerin
12069	CCG: OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE.
12070	FCA: gams advvice is fuckin useless all he told me wwas to enjoy a bevverage
12071	CCG: NO, DUDE, DON'T DRINK THAT SHIT. IF IT WERE UP TO HIM WE WOULD ALL DRINK FAYGO AT ONCE IN SOME RITUALISTIC RAP CLOWN SUICIDE PACT.
12072	CCG: BUT INSTEAD OF COMMITTING SUICIDE THE THING THAT WE ALL ACCOMPLISH IS BECOMING INSTANTANEOUS ASSHOLES WITH AWFUL TASTE.
12073	FCA: i mean
12074	FCA: its not evven that bad
12075	FCA: its just soda but wwhatevver this isnt the point
12076	CCG: THIS ISN'T THE VENUE FOR AIRING YOUR FUTURE PROBLEMS, COUNT SEA DIPSHIT.
12077	FCA: i knoww i knoww
12078	FCA: its just
12079	FCA: i got a problem
12080	FCA: wwith feferi
12081	FCA: and im really kinda sittin here in bad shape about it emotionally speakin
12082	CCG: OK, WELL
12083	CCG: I GET THAT, I HEAR YOU BRO
12084	CCG: BUT THIS IS STILL NOT THE RIGHT PLACE FOR THIS SO I'VE GOT TO BAN YOU.
12085	CCG banned FCA from responding to memo.
12086	CCG: BUT SERIOUSLY JUST GET IN TOUCH WITH ME IN PRIVATE ABOUT IT, OK MAN?
12087	CCG: WE'LL GET YOUR SHIT STRAIGHTENED OUT.
12088	CCG: OK.
12089	CCG: IS EVERYBODY GOOD?
12090	CCG: JUST GONNA SIT HERE FOR A MINUTE, LOCAL TIME, AND SEE IF ANYONE ELSE HAS ANY SHIT THEY WANT TO SCRAPE OFF THEIR BULGE ON TO MY CLEAN NUTRITION PLATEAU.
12091	CCG: NOBODY?
12092	CCG: GREAT, WONDERFUL.
12093	CCG: I NOW OFFICIALLY DECLARE THE NONSENSE PORTION OF THIS MEMO TO BE OVER.
12094	CCG: THIS DECREE SHALL BE BINDING AND LASTING.
12095	CCG: BACK TO PLANNING REGISURP.
12096	CCG: BEAR DOWN EVERYBODY, THIS IS FUCKING IMPORTANT, THERE IS A QUEEN ON THE LOOSE AND WE'VE GOT TO SHOW A BITCH THE DOOR.
12097	FUTURE arachnidsGrip [FAG] 609 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.
12098	FAG: ::::D
12099	CCG: UN BE FUCKING LIEVABLE.
12100	FAG: Kaaaaaaaarkat!
12101	FAG: I'm sorry!
12102	FAG: 8ut do you have any idea how funny this thing is? I mean this whole thing???????? I can't stop laughing!
12103	CCG: HEY CAN FUTURE YOU MIND-PREVENT ME FROM HITTING THE BAN BUTTON?
12104	CCG: I'M GENUINELY CURIOUS! GO AHEAD, TRY TO STOP ME I DARE YOU.
12105	FAG: I'm not going to try, I'm just here to say this whole thing is ridiculous.
12106	FAG: We didn't really need you to pretend to 8e a little angry general to get any of this done.
12107	FAG: We kicked the queen out of there no sweat! It was easy. In fact, I did most of the work myself, right 8efore I found all the treasure and scaled all the rungs.
12108	CCG: OH, ALL OF THEM YOU SAY?
12109	CCG: FASCINATING.
12110	CCG: HEY FORGET THE BAN BUTTON, USE YOUR MIND POWERS TO HELP ME LOCATE THE DESPERATELY ATTEMPT TO GIVE A SHIT BUTTON. WHOOPS WE BOTH FAILED, IT DOESN'T EXIST.
12111	FAG: Hey, I'm gone. I just think you should relax.
12112	FAG: You were wound up so tight through the whole adventure, and now here in the present you're a8out to explode. It's insuffera8le!
12113	CCG: EVERYBODY, DID YOU HEAR THAT?? SUPERFUTURE VRISKA HAS AN IMPORTANT LIFE LESSON FOR US ALL.
12114	CCG: WE DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT OUR PRESENT RESPONSIBILIES AND OBLIGATIONS!
12115	CCG: BECAUSE AS IT TURNS OUT, IN THE FUTURE ALL THAT STUFF ALREADY HAPPENED. WE'RE OFF THE FUCKING HOOK!
12116	CCG: TIME TO RELAX. LET'S ALL CRAWL INTO OUR COCOONS AND GET BUSY STIMULATING OUR AUTOEROGENOUS SHAME GLOBES.
12117	CCG: FIRST ONE TO START A WANK FIRE GETS A SHINY BOONDOLLAR.
12118	CCG: THIS IS AN ORDER FROM YOUR LEADER.
12119	FAG: Hahahahahahahaha.
12120	CCG banned FAG from responding to memo.
12121	CCG: LATER, FAG.
12122	CCG: TOO BAD THE ACRONYM WASN'T "HAG" INSTEAD, IT WOULD HAVE SUITED YOU MUCH BETTER.
12123	CCG: INSTEAD OF THAT NONSENSE WORD
12124	CCG: MAYBE ITS ASSOCIATION WITH YOU WILL COLLOQUIALLY CAUSE IT TO TAKE ON A NEGATIVE CONNOTATION, WHAT DO YOU THINK?
12125	CCG: MAYBE FAG WILL BE "THE NEW BURN!" EVEN THOUGH IT REALLY MEANS NOTHING IN OUR LANGUAGE.
12126	CCG: I DON'T KNOW, THIS IS STUPID, FORGET IT
12127	CCG: OK I'M RAMBLING HERE, I'M AWARE OF THAT.
12128	CCG: FUTURE ME, DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE WEIGH IN ON THIS, I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING.
12129	CCG: IF I WERE FUTURE ME, WHICH I GUESS I AM, I WOULD READ THIS AND BE ALL OVER IT, LIKE DAMMIT KARKAT WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING.
12130	CCG: GET TO THE POINT.
12131	FUTURE carcinoGeneticist [FCG] 0:20 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.
12132	FCG: YEAH PRETTY MUCH.
12133	CCG banned FCG from responding to memo.
12134	CCG: SO I'M SAYING IT TO MYSELF ALREADY HERE AND NOW, SO I WON'T HAVE TO LATER, GOT IT YOU TRENCHANT BACKBITING PRICKS?????
12135	CCG: DAMN, I'M LOSING MY TRAIN OF THOUGHT.
12136	CCG: MAYBE I'LL PICK IT UP AGAIN IN A FRESH MEMO LATER.
12137	CCG: I DON'T KNOW IF THAT'S RIGHT THOUGH, BECAUSE I VAGUELY REMEMBER THIS ONE BEING LONGER THAN THIS.
12138	PAST adiosToreador [PAT] 0:38 HOURS AGO responded to memo.
12139	PAT: hEYY,
12140	CCG: OH SON OF A BITCH.
12141	PAT: i THOUGHT,
12142	PAT: sINCE IT LOOKS LIKE, yOU'RE SAYING YOU'RE OUT OF IMPORTANT MEMO STUFF TO SAY,
12143	PAT: uHH,
12144	PAT: mAYBE YOU COULD HELP ME, hERE,
12145	PAT: sINCE i DON'T KNOW WHERE YOU ARE NOW, bUT MAYBE HELP ME,
12146	PAT: aBOUT A THING THAT HAS TO DO WITH A GIRL,
12147	PAT: lIKE,
12148	PAT: a ROMANCE THING, yOU MIGHT KNOW ABOUT,
12149	CCG: YOU PEOPLE ARE IMBECILES.
12150	CCG: ALL OF YOU.
12151	CCG: I AM NOT POSTING THESE MEMOS TO COUNSEL YOU ON YOUR PAST AND FUTURE DATING PROBLEMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
12152	CCG: WHY ARE YOU ALL SUCH BASKET CASES. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY ANYMORE.
12153	PAT: sORRY,
12154	CCG: SHOULD I BAN YOU? WHAT'S EVEN THE POINT ANYMORE! ONE OF YOU STOOGES WILL BE RIGHT ON THE LAST ONES HEELS WITH ANOTHER SOB STORY.
12155	CCG: JUST
12156	CCG: HURRY UP AND TELL ME WHAT YOUR PROBLEM IS BRO.
12157	PAT: oKAY,
12158	PAT: i'M SORT OF, lYING ON vRISKA'S FLOOR RIGHT NOW,
12159	PAT: lIKE, iN HER BLOCK,
12160	PAT: lYING DOWN,
12161	PAT: uHH, yOU KNOW, bECAUSE i CAN'T WALK,
12162	CCG: OH NO SHIT REALLY???
12163	CCG: YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS, WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN.
12164	PAT: uH, yEAH, aNYWAY,
12165	PAT: sHE TRIED TO KISS ME,
12166	PAT: wELL, sHE DIDN'T TRY, sHE ACTUALLY DID,
12167	PAT: aND THEN, kIND OF DROPPED ME,
12168	PAT: aND ALSO WE ARE WEARING COSTUMES,
12169	PAT: wOW, i'M NOT EXPLAINING THIS WELL,
12170	CCG: THIS IS SO FUCKED UP, WHAT HAVE YOU GOTTEN YOURSELF INTO.
12171	PAT: aND NOW, tO MAKE IT,
12172	PAT: uHHHHH,
12173	PAT: a LOT WEIRDER,
12174	PAT: tHERE IS AN ANGRY VOICE IN MY HEAD,
12175	PAT: i DONT THINK IT'S rUFIO THIS TIME,
12176	PAT: rUFIO'S NOT THAT ANGRY,
12177	PAT: hE'S ALSO IMAGINARY,
12178	PAT: lIKE, a FAKE MADE UP FRIEND,
12179	PAT: yOU KNOW, lIKE,
12180	PAT: tHE WAY FAIRIES ARE, }:(
12181	CCG: GOD, ACTUALLY I REMEMBER READING THIS BULLSHIT.
12182	CCG: OR SKIMMING IT AT LEAST.
12183	CCG: HOW COULD I FORGET???
12184	CCG: MORE LOONEYBLOCK THEATER, AND HERE I AM DRAWING THE CURTAINS FOR YOU GUYS LIKE A DOPE.
12185	PAT: aNYWAY, i THINK VRISKA IS UPSET ABOUT IT, aND SHE'S NOT TALKING OR ANYTHING,
12186	PAT: wHAT DO i DO,
12187	CCG: OK WELL, I CAN ADVISE YOU AND STUFF
12188	CCG: BUT YOU DO REALIZE THIS IS A PUBLIC BULLETIN.
12189	CCG: WE SHOULD BE HAVING THIS CHAT IN PRIVATE.
12190	CCG: EVERYONE CAN READ THIS, EVEN HER.
12191	CCG: I MEAN FUCK, SHE WAS *JUST HERE* TALKING YOU DUMMY!
12192	PAT: i KNOW, i READ THAT,
12193	PAT: bUT,
12194	PAT: tHAT'S FUTURE HER, wHICH,
12195	PAT: dOESN'T SEEM SO BAD,
12196	PAT: mAYBE FUTURE HER CAN READ THIS, aND,
12197	PAT: i GUESS,
12198	PAT: kNOW i'M SORRY ABOUT IT,
12199	PAT: i DIDN'T MEAN TO HURT HER FEELINGS,
12200	CCG: WELL, FINE, IF YOU WANT TO BROADCAST A TRANSTIMELINE APOLOGY THEN FINE.
12201	CCG: BUT YOU SHOULD REALIZE THE FUTURE IS KIND OF A WIDE OPEN THING, I MEAN SHE COULD READ THIS LIKE TWO MINUTES IN THE FUTURE AS WELL AS 600 HOURS.
12202	CCG: AT THAT POINT YOU WOULD ESSENTIALLY BE TALKING TO PRESENT HER, COMPLETELY DEFEATING THE PURPOSE OF YOUR SPINELESS MESSAGE IN A BOTTLE APOLOGY.
12203	PAT: oH,
12204	PAT: yEAH,
12205	PAT: i DIDN'T, rEALLY THINK OF THAT,
12206	PAST arachnidsGrip [PAG] 0:08 HOURS AGO responded to memo.
12207	PAG: Hi.
12208	CCG: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH.
12209	PAG: Karkat, shut up! This does not concern you.
12210	CCG: OK WHATEVER. MY MEMO, BUT WHATEVER.
12211	PAT: uH, wOW,
12212	PAT: hI,
12213	PAG: Tavros, it's ok. Really.
12214	PAG: So you don't feel that way a8out me! That's fine. I shouldn't have expected any different.
12215	PAG: I can deal with it! I am not a wimp like you. I roll with 8ad 8r8ks all the time. No 8iggie.
12216	PAG: In fact, I already have dealt with it. I was over here dealing with it while you were over there on the floor fooling around with your computer after a cute girl tried to kiss you for some reason.
12217	PAG: As it turned out, fooling around with your computer to........
12218	PAG: Go cry on future Karkat's shoulder a8out this????????
12219	PAT: uM,
12220	PAT: yEAH,
12221	PAG: Hahahaha. You are a str8nge and funny 8oy, Tavros.
12222	CCG: OH GOD
12223	CCG: THIS IS
12224	CCG: COMPLETELY HILARIOUS.
12225	CCG: NOW I SEE WHY EVERYONE HAS BEEN RIPPING ON MY MEMOS.
12226	PAG: Karkat I said shut the fuck up!!!!!!!!
12227	PAG: Anyway, though totally unnecessary, your apology is accepted.
12228	PAT: oKAY,
12229	PAG: Now pick yourself up off the floor so we can go wring some fucking treasure out of this misera8le magic rock!
12230	PAT: yEAH, i'LL TRY,
12231	PAG: Actually, never mind, I'll 8e over there to help you with that too, kind of like I do with everything.
12232	PAG: Just lie still and try not to start crying or anything, and w8 a few minutes for your timeframe to catch up with mine.
12233	PAT: uH,
12234	PAT: wHAT,
12235	PAG: Exactly! I aaaaaaaam smarter than you. You see? You're learning!
12236	CCG: FUCK, ENOUGH ALREADY.
12237	CCG: THERE, GREAT, ANOTHER HAPPY COUPLE
12238	CCG: IN WHATEVER HIDEOUS QUADRANT THIS BATSHIT PAIRING WILL SUSTAIN.
12239	CCG: NOW OFF YOU GO.
12240	CCG banned PAT from responding to memo.
12241	CCG banned PAG from responding to memo.
12242	CCG: HOLY HELL.
12243	CCG: THIS IS EXHAUSTING.
12244	CCG: I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT ANYMORE.
12245	CCG: OK, MAYBE I'LL TAKE A MINUTE TO COLLECT MY THOUGHTS AND GET BACK ON TOPIC HERE.
12246	FUTURE carcinoGeneticist [FCG] 609 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.
12247	FCG: NO YOU WON'T.
12248	FCG: THIS ONE WAS PARTICULARLY NAUSEATING IN RETROSPECT, I'M SHUTTING THIS DOWN.
12249	FCG banned CCG from responding to memo.
12250	FCG closed memo.
12251	~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
12252	You are having trouble bringing yourself to get up and kiss the girl.
12253	You cannot do it. You cannot kiss the girl.
12254	And in time, though prone to distraction and obstinacy, she would.
12255	But not alone.
12256	To bring every circle closed, her partner and rival would have to be guided in tandem. The Thief and the Seer were to serve as twin lashes of the scourge cracked by a quasiroyal against her own former kingdom to settle a score. To make him pay. Scourge's black inches would rip red miles through Derse, and the bright rivers gushing from its wounds would wash her mutineers down the drains of exile. In time they would have to answer for their treason.
12257	Patience would be necessary. But then, she'd recently come into all the time in the universe.
12258	And yet, right now...
12259	The SYLPH OF SPACE was able to vacate the impact site with several features of her buried landscape in tow. She sits atop her session's dormant FORGE.
12260	~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
12261	FUTURE carcinoGeneticist [FCG] 599 HOURS FROM NOW opened memo on board TEAM ADORABLOODTHIRSTY.
12262	FCG: FINE THEN.
12263	FCG: SINCE PAST ME JUST BANNED CURRENT ME FROM THE PRECEDING MEMO
12264	FCG: AND DOESN'T APPEAR TO GIVE A SHIT ABOUT MY FUTURE WISDOM, AS USUAL
12265	FCG: LOOKS LIKE I'LL JUST HAVE TO START ANOTHER MEMO FROM SCRATCH.
12266	FCG: HEY PAST ME, GO HAVE A BLAST KILLING THE KING, I'M SURE IT WILL BE AWESOME.
12267	FCG: IN FACT, IT WAS AWESOME. BANG UP JOB WITH THAT, DUDE!
12268	FCG: TOO BAD IT WAS ALL A HUGE WASTE OF TIME.
12269	FCG: OH, WHAT'S THAT, PASTHOLE? YOU DIDN'T READ THIS AND FIGURE THAT OUT AHEAD OF TIME?
12270	FCG: OR MAYBE YOU JUST SKIMMED THIS AND IT DIDN'T GET THROUGH YOUR THICK BULGE???
12271	FCG: WHAT A SHOCK!
12272	FCG: MEMO-WITHIN-MEMO TO PRESENT SELF: PUT FORTH A MORE CONCERTED EFFORT TO IMPRESS UPON EVERYONE IN THE PAST, MYSELF INCLUDED, WHAT A BUNCH OF FUCKING IDIOTS THEY ALL ARE.
12273	FCG: I AM LEARNING A VALUABLE LESSON TODAY!
12274	FCG: IT TURNS OUT YOU CAN'T ALTER THE OUTCOME OF DECISIONS MADE BY MORONS, NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU YELL AT THEM.
12275	FCG: ALL YOU CAN REALLY DO IS GIVE THEM A HARD TIME AND TRY TO MAKE THEIR LIVES JUST A LITTLE MORE MISERABLE.
12276	FCG: WHICH SOUNDS LIKE A MORE NOBLE PURSUIT THAN CHANGING DESTINY FOR THE BETTER ANYWAY, FRANKLY.
12277	FCG: LOSERS SHOULD BE FORCED TO FACE THE MUSIC, EVEN FOR THE MISTAKES THEY HAVEN'T MADE YET.
12278	FCG: THEIR PUNISHMENT IS BEING ALLOWED TO MAKE THE MISTAKE IN THE FIRST PLACE. TALK ABOUT POETIC JUSTICE!
12279	FCG: AND THEN GETTING SOUNDLY BERATED BEFORE, DURING, AND AFTER THE MISTAKES ARE BEING MADE IS JUST THE MUCUS ON THE GRUBLOAF.
12280	FCG: THE SWEET, TANGY MUCUS.
12281	FCG: THIS IS DUMB.
12282	FCG: WHY DID I EVER THINK THESE MEMOS WERE GOING TO BE A GOOD IDEA.
12283	FCG: NOBODY CARES
12284	FCG: I MEAN
12285	FCG: NOBODY'S EVEN TROLLING ME ANYMORE.
12286	FCG: AND I'M LEAVING MYSELF WIDE OPEN TOO, SAYING SOME PRETTY DUMB THINGS HERE.
12287	FCG: I GUESS MAYBE I WROTE TOO MANY.
12288	FCG: AND FILLED TOO MANY OF THEM WITH LONG ARGUMENTS WITH MYSELF.
12289	FCG: NO ONE'S GOING TO READ THROUGH ALL THIS, ALL THE VALUABLE INFORMATION IS JUST GETTING LOST IN THE YELLING.
12290	FCG: YOU STUPID STUPID IDIOT.
12291	FCG: OH FUCK YOU, WHY'D YOU EVEN START ANOTHER MEMO THEN??
12292	FCG: I GUESS
12293	FCG: THERE ARE A COUPLE THINGS I WANT TO GET OFF MY CHEST, OK?
12294	FCG: OH GOD, NOW I'M ARGUING WITH CURRENT ME.
12295	FCG: I DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE I WAS DOING IT, THIS IS REALLY FUCKED UP.
12296	FCG: I'VE GOT TO PULL IT TOGETHER.
12297	FCG: THINK BACK TO WHAT WE MIGHT HAVE DONE WRONG.
12298	FCG: BUT THE THING IS
12299	FCG: AS MUCH AS OUR PAST SELVES ARE A BUNCH OF STUBBORN UNLISTENING ASSHOLES
12300	FCG: I CAN'T EVEN REALLY IDENTIFY ANY MISTAKES WE MADE.
12301	FCG: IT WAS ALL PRETTY MUCH LIKE CLOCKWORK.
12302	FCG: A 600 HOUR CAMPAIGN TO COMPLETE A GAME LIKE THIS IS PRETTY GOOD IF YOU ASK ME.
12303	FCG: AND I HAVE ASKED ME.
12304	FCG: IT TURNS OUT ME AGREES.
12305	FCG: I CAN'T SHAKE THE FEELING SOMEONE ELSE MUST BE RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS.
12306	FCG: IT DOESN'T SEEM LIKE IT WAS SOMETHING THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN IN OUR SESSION.
12307	FCG: SOLLUX HAS THE SAME INTUITION ABOUT IT AS ME, HE THINKS THERE'S SOMETHING FII2HY ABOUT IT.
12308	FCG: IT'S REALLY INSUFFERABLE THE WAY HER FISH PUNS HAVE RUBBED OFF ON HIM, IT KIND OF MAKES ME WANT TO VOMIT.
12309	FCG: ANYWAY
12310	FCG: HE SAYS HE'S WORKING ON TRACING THE ORIGIN OF THIS DISASTER.
12311	FCG: IF I FIND OUT WHO'S RESPONSIBLE
12312	FCG: I WILL
12313	FCG: I DON'T EVEN WANT TO THINK ABOUT IT NOW.
12314	FCG: WASTE OF GOOD FRESH RAGE.
12315	FCG: I'M A LITTLE TIRED OF ALL THE OLD THINGS I'VE BEEN ANGRY ABOUT.
12316	FCG: IT'S GOTTEN SO STALE.
12317	FCG: IN A WEIRD WAY I'M SORT OF LOOKING FORWARD TO HAVING SOMETHING NEW TO BE PISSED OFF ABOUT.
12318	FCG: IT'S NOT LIKE THERE'S ANYTHING ELSE TO LIVE FOR NOW ANYWAY.
12319	FCG: SO I'M KEEPING MY PRONGS CROSSED.
12320	FCG: IT WILL BE LIKE FUCKING 12TH PERIGEE'S EVE UP IN HERE.
12321	FCG: LAST SWEEP'S EVE WAS PROBABLY THE LAST HAPPY MEMORY I HAVE IN FACT.
12322	FCG: WHAT DID YOU GUYS DO FOR THE LAST HOLIDAY?
12323	FCG: ANYONE?
12324	FCG: I REMEMBER MY LUSUS HAD BEEN GONE FOR DAYS AND I WAS STARTING TO GET WORRIED.
12325	FCG: BUT THEN HE FINALLY RETURNED, TRIUMPHANT.
12326	FCG: HE BROUGHT THE FRESH BEHEMOTH LEAVING INTO OUR HIVE, AND TOGETHER WE DECORATED IT.
12327	FCG: AND
12328	FCG: I DUNNO
12329	FCG: THAT'S ALL I CAN SAY, I'M GETTING A LUMP IN MY SQUAWK BLISTER.
12330	FCG: I GUESS I'M DONE.
12331	FCG: I'M GOING TO LIE DOWN NOW
12332	FCG: ON THE STEEL FLOOR OF THIS FRIGID METEOR DRIFTING THROUGH THE BLACK UNCARING VOID OF OUR NULL SESSION.
12333	FCG: NULL, KIND OF LIKE THIS MEMO I GUESS.
12334	FCG: LATER.
12335	CURRENT grimAuxiliatrix [CGA] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
12336	CGA: I Dont Think We Did Anything Special
12337	FCG: WHOA, HEY
12338	FCG: WHAT?
12339	CGA: Last 12th
12340	CGA: We Stayed In
12341	CGA: And I Read Stories To Her It Was Nice
12342	FCG: OH
12343	FCG: THAT'S COOL.
12344	FCG: THIS IS THE FIRST TIME YOU'VE RESPONDED TO A MEMO THAT I CAN RECALL.
12345	FCG: YOU TOOK IT RIGHT DOWN TO THE WIRE. I WAS JUST ABOUT TO CLOSE THIS THING.
12346	CGA: Yeah I Know
12347	CGA: I Wasnt Sure If I Was Going To
12348	CGA: But Then I Noticed A Conversation In Which I Was A Participant
12349	CGA: Which As It Turns Out Is The Conversation Taking Place Now
12350	CGA: I Scanned It Briefly And Then Perused Other Memos For My Presence
12351	CGA: I Found None And Returned To This One
12352	CGA: But My Part Of The Conversation Was Gone
12353	CGA: I Regarded This As A Prompt To Begin Typing And Record My Contributions Live
12354	CGA: That Is How This Works Isnt It
12355	FCG: PRETTY MUCH.
12356	FCG: FOR A WHILE IT WAS FRUSTRATING.
12357	FCG: WHEN I DISCOVERED THE FEATURE I KIND OF BREEZED THROUGH ALL MY FUTURE MEMOS, NOT REALLY READING ALL OF THEM CAREFULLY OR THOROUGHLY.
12358	FCG: THEN I LOOKED AT IT AGAIN, AND THE WHOLE BOARD WAS GONE.
12359	FCG: BECAUSE IT WAS TIME TO MAKE IT IN THE FIRST PLACE, SO I DID.
12360	FCG: AND THEN I KEPT MAKING MEMOS WITH ONLY FOGGY RECOLLECTIONS OF WHAT THEY CONTAINED.
12361	FCG: WHILE ALL THESE OTHER CHUMPS FROM DIFFERENT TIMES KEPT GIVING ME SHIT.
12362	FCG: INCLUDING MYSELF.
12363	FCG: BUT IT WAS ALL GOOD, BECAUSE AS I EVENTUALLY BECAME MY OWN FUTURE SELVES, AND GOT TO BE ON THE OTHER SIDES OF THOSE CONVERSATIONS.
12364	FCG: AND COULD DO MY PAST SELVES THE SERVICE OF INFORMING THEM HOW STUPID THEY WERE BEING.
12365	FCG: I STOPPED BOTHERING TRYING TO REMEMBER HOW ANY OF THESE MEMOS WENT.
12366	FCG: HONESTLY THE LAST FEW WEEKS HAVE BEEN A BLUR TO ME, JUST NON STOP YELLING AT MYSELF, HAGGLING WITH PAST AND FUTURE KNUCKLEHEADS, KILLING MONSTERS AND SOLVING PUZZLES, CYCLING THROUGH ALL THE GATES AND PLANETS LIKE A HUNDRED TIMES, ZIGZAGGING DOWN TO THE BATTLEFIELD, OUT TO THE VEIL, OVER TO PROSPIT, BACK TO DERSE, AND ON AND ON AND ON LIKE THAT UNTIL WE THOUGHT WE WON.
12367	FCG: BUT WE DIDN'T WIN. WE LOST.
12368	FCG: WE LOST AS HARD AS FAT GUYS FALL.
12369	CGA: What Exactly Happened
12370	FCG: DID YOU READ THE MEMO JUST BEFORE THIS?
12371	CGA: No
12372	FCG: GIVE IT A READ, I'M DONE RANTING ABOUT ALL THAT FOR NOW.
12373	CGA: Alright
12374	CGA: In A Moment
12375	FCG: BUT YEAH, THAT'S HOW TROLLIAN'S TIMELINE STUFF WORKS. YOU'LL GET USED TO IT.
12376	FCG: OR NOT! SINCE APPARENTLY THIS IS YOUR ONLY MEMO REPLY. YOU WERE PRETTY SHREWD IN SIDESTEPPING THIS WHOLE CLUSTERFUCK.
12377	CGA: It Seems Like A Logical Way To Engineer A System Wherein One Simultaneously Functions As The Reader And Author Of The Transcripts
12378	CGA: Its Temporally Sound Construction
12379	FCG: THEN YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE WHO THINKS SO.
12380	FCG: HELL YOU PROBABLY WOULD HAVE BEEN A BETTER MAID OF TIME THAN THE ONE WE WERE STUCK WITH.
12381	FCG: SHE'S COMPLETELY SHITHIVE MAGGOTS, DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED.
12382	CGA: I Think We Are Given Roles To Challenge Us
12383	CGA: That Dont Necessarily Suit Our Strengths
12384	CGA: At Least I Was
12385	CGA: I Have No Idea What Im Doing Here
12386	FCG: SURE YOU DO.
12387	FCG: OR, YOU WILL. TRUST ME YOU'LL DO FINE.
12388	FCG: SO WHAT PROMPTED YOU TO RESPOND ANYWAY.
12389	FCG: I MEAN ASIDE FROM BEING STRONGARMED BY CONVERSATIONAL PREDESTINATION.
12390	CGA: Oh
12391	CGA: At This Point Im Not Even Sure If Im Inclined To Ask Anymore
12392	FCG: YOU MIGHT NOT HAVE A CHOICE.
12393	FCG: DO YOU REMEMBER IF THIS MEMO WAS MUCH LONGER THAN THIS?
12394	CGA: Um
12395	CGA: There Is A Good Way To Go I Think Yeah
12396	FCG: THEN MIGHT AS WELL SPIT IT OUT.
12397	CGA: Its Such A Silly Question
12398	FCG: RED OR BLACK?
12399	CGA: What
12400	FCG: YOUR PROBLEM, DOES IT PERTAIN TO REDROM OR BLACKROM INTERESTS?
12401	CGA: Thats Not What This Is About
12402	FCG: COME ON. PEOPLE HAVE BEEN USING THESE MEMOS TO SIFT THROUGH THEIR ROMANTIC PROBLEMS FOR WEEKS, I AM A FUCKING VETERAN AT THIS SHIT BY NOW.
12403	FCG: SERIOUSLY, I DON'T MIND, IT'LL BE A WELCOME REPRIEVE FROM SHOUTING AT MYSELF.
12404	CGA: Im Not Sure What To Say About It
12405	FCG: DIDN'T YOU AT LEAST GET A SENSE OF WHAT THIS CONVERSATION WAS ABOUT WHEN YOU SKIMMED IT?
12406	CGA: Not Really
12407	CGA: If I Were Thinking About It I Probably Wouldnt Have Wanted To Anyway
12408	CGA: Dont You Think Its Better To Have Unrehearsed Conversations
12409	CGA: Even If The Subject Matter Is Awkward
12410	FCG: YES I COMPLETELY AGREE.
12411	FCG: IT'S GOOD YOU DIDN'T READ IT. WE CAN AVOID THE SORT OF VERBAL SLAPSTICK ROUTINES I'M SICK TO FUCKING DEATH OF BY NOW.
12412	FCG: I AM SO TIRED OF PEOPLE BEING ALL COY AND TELLING ME WHAT WE'RE ABOUT TO SAY BEFORE WE SAY IT, AND THEN WE WIND UP FUCKING SAYING IT ANYWAY.
12413	FCG: AND THEN WE PROVE TO THE INVISIBLE RIDDLER THAT IS FATHER TIME BEYOND A SHADOW OF A DOUBT WHAT A BUNCH OF FUCKING IDIOTS WE ALL ARE.
12414	FCG: DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW OLD THAT GETS AFTER A WHILE?
12415	FCG: SO REALLY, TELL ME.
12416	FCG: I KNOW IT'S ON YOUR MIND, I GOT A SENSE FOR THESE THINGS.
12417	FCG: R OR B???
12418	CGA: Ok
12419	CGA: Red Then
12420	CGA: But I Guess
12421	CGA: Not Really Red Enough
12422	FCG: HAHA, WELL ISN'T THAT ALWAYS THE CASE?
12423	FCG: STORY AS OLD AS TIME.
12424	FCG: EVEN IN PLACES WHERE STRICTLY SPEAKING TIME DIDN'T EXIST UNTIL RECENTLY.
12425	FCG: WHO'S THE TARGET OF THESE FLUSHED LEANINGS?
12426	FCG: IF YOU DON'T MIND MY ASKING.
12427	CGA: Its Not The Asking I Mind
12428	CGA: Its The Telling
12429	CGA: In A Public Forum
12430	FCG: I DON'T THINK ANYONE'S READING.
12431	FCG: DID YOU NOTICE ANYONE ELSE JOIN IN LATER?
12432	CGA: No
12433	CGA: It Appeared To Be Just The Two Of Us
12434	FCG: SEE
12435	FCG: NOBODY CARES ENOUGH TO BOTHER.
12436	CGA: I Dont Know Whether Thats Reassuring
12437	CGA: Or Just A Bit Disheartening
12438	FCG: WELL I DIDN'T MEAN IT LIKE THAT.
12439	FCG: THEIR DISINTEREST IS MORE A REFLECTION ON ME THAN YOU.
12440	CGA: Disinterest Is The Operative Concept Here
12441	CGA: Shes Not Even Responding To My Messages Anymore
12442	CGA: Could Be Busy
12443	CGA: But Im Rapidly Approaching A Resolution To Discard The Preposterous Infatuation
12444	FCG: SHE? WELL I GUESS THAT NARROWS IT DOWN SOMEWHAT.
12445	CGA: Shit
12446	FCG: IF I THINK BACK ON EVENTS KNOWING THIS I COULD PROBABLY PIECE IT TOGETHER...
12447	CGA: How About
12448	CGA: If I Agree To Consult With You About It In Private
12449	CGA: We Can Drop It Here
12450	CGA: Before You Crack Me Like A Vault
12451	CGA: With Your Weird Romance Sleuthing Acumen
12452	FCG: ALRIGHT, DEAL.
12453	CGA: It Still Puzzles Me That You Are So Versed In The Topic
12454	CGA: Do You Have Access To A Manual Archived On A Remote Server Somewhere
12455	FCG: WHAT
12456	FCG: NO OF COURSE NOT.
12457	FCG: I DON'T ACTUALLY KNOW ALL THAT MUCH.
12458	FCG: I JUST KNOW THIS STUFF WILL DRIVE YOU SHITHIVE MAGGOTS IF YOU DON'T FIGURE OUT HOW TO DEAL WITH IT.
12459	CGA: That Figure Of Speech You Keep Using Puzzles Me Too
12460	FCG: LIKE
12461	FCG: NOT THAT I EXPECT YOU TO GIVE A SHIT BUT PERSONALLY I AM ALL TWISTED UP ABOUT BLACKROM STUFF ESPECIALLY.
12462	FCG: HONESTLY I DON'T THINK I WAS CUT OUT TO HAVE A KISMESIS, I THINK MY STANDARDS ARE WAY TOO HIGH.
12463	FCG: DID YOU KNOW THAT...
12464	FCG: THIS FEELS SO INSANE TO ADMIT, BUT
12465	FCG: OVER THE COURSE OF THIS ADVENTURE, AT TIMES I ACTUALLY BEGAN TO SUSPECT I WAS MY OWN KISMESIS.
12466	FCG: HOW FUCKED UP IS THAT???
12467	CGA: Im Not Qualified To Say
12468	CGA: Neither Romance Nor Psychology Are My Strong Suits
12469	FCG: BUT OBVIOUSLY ITS NOT TRUE, I NEVER EVEN DID ANY LEGIT TIME TRAVELING WHERE I COULD MEET MYSELF, I JUST BICKERED WITH PAST AND FUTURE GHOSTS ON A CHAT CLIENT.
12470	FCG: FITTING REALLY. EVERY CALIGINOUS ADVERSARY I'VE CONTEMPLATED HAS ELUDED ME LIKE A PHANTOM, EVEN MYSELF!
12471	FCG: WHATEVER, I'M DONE WITH IT.
12472	CGA: And What Of Scarlet Ambitions
12473	CGA: Fare Any Better In That Quadrant
12474	FCG: NO NO NO I'M NOT AIRING THAT SHIT OUT HERE.
12475	FCG: MAYBE PRIVATELY.
12476	FCG: IT'S PRIVATE.
12477	FCG: LET'S CHANGE THE SUBJECT, WHAT WERE YOU ORIGINALLY GOING TO ASK ME.
12478	CGA: Oh Fine
12479	CGA: Heres This Silly Question For You
12480	CGA: I Was Just Wondering Given Your Vantage Of Hindsight
12481	CGA: If Youd Had Cause To Observe At Any Point In Time
12482	CGA: Magic
12483	FCG: UH...
12484	CGA: Like Real Magic
12485	CGA: I Guess What Im Asking Is
12486	CGA: Is Magic A Real Thing
12487	FCG: WOW, YOU'RE RIGHT, THAT'S KIND OF THE DUMBEST FUCKING QUESTION I'VE EVER HEARD.
12488	CGA: I Know
12489	CGA: Its Just That I Have A Good Reason To Believe Magic Is Real
12490	CGA: Our Ancient Predecessors Discovered How To Use It
12491	CGA: But Then They May Have Surpassed Us In Skill By A Great Deal
12492	FCG: YOU PUT WAY TOO MUCH STOCK IN THAT RATTY OLD GUIDE.
12493	FCG: BUT ANYWAY NO, WE NEVER USED MAGIC.
12494	FCG: I MEAN, LET ME TRY TO PUT INTO PERSPECTIVE HOW RIDICULOUS THE WHOLE NOTION IS ANYWAY.
12495	FCG: WE CAN ALCHEMIZE PRACTICALLY ANYTHING WITH THE RIGHT MATERIALS AND GRIST.
12496	FCG: WE CAN, AND DID, MAKE SUPER POWERFUL WEAPONS AND ITEMS THAT CAN DO PRACTICALLY ANYTHING.
12497	FCG: WHAT ADDITIONAL ADVANTAGE COULD MAGIC OFFER? ALL THIS SHIT IS PRACTICALLY MAGIC ANYWAY.
12498	FCG: BUT MORE LIKE
12499	FCG: GOOFY SCIENCEY MAGIC. YOU KNOW?
12500	CGA: Sure
12501	FCG: BUT EVERYTHING HERE IS KIND OF MAGIC IN A WAY, ISN'T IT.
12502	FCG: FORTUNE TELLING DREAM CLOUDS AND GOLDEN MOONS AND SHIT.
12503	FCG: IF YOU LOOK AROUND
12504	FCG: THERE'S MAGIC EVERYWHERE IN THIS BITCH.
12505	FCG: IT'S ALL AROUND US.
12506	FCG: MOTHER FUCKIN MIRACLES, RIGHT?
12507	CGA: Heh
12508	FCG: WHAT DO YOU NEED MAGIC FOR ANYWAY?
12509	CGA: Im Running Out Of Ideas
12510	CGA: I Need To Figure Out A Way To Stoke This Volcano
12511	CGA: In Case You And The Others Are Successful In Recovering The Queens Ring
12512	FCG: YOU'LL FIGURE IT OUT.
12513	FCG: AND YOU WON'T NEED MAGIC, TRUST ME.
12514	FCG: JUST BE PATIENT, THE ANSWER WILL COME TO YOU SOMEHOW.
12515	CGA: I Guess You Would Know
12516	FCG: YEAH, REALLY THERE'S NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.
12517	FCG: AT LEAST AS FAR AS THE DETAILS OF THE ADVENTURE GO.
12518	FCG: WE WERE ALL PRETTY AWESOME AT THIS GAME.
12519	FCG: REALLY AWESOME IN FACT.
12520	FCG: UNTIL A LITTLE WHILE AGO.
12521	FCG: WHEN IT TURNED OUT WE WEREN'T ACTUALLY ALL THAT AWESOME.
12522	FCG: TURNS OUT WE WERE PRETTY FUCKING UNAWESOME ALL ALONG.
12523	CGA: Still Baffled By What Would Conceivably Cause Such A Crisis In Awesomeness Post-Victory
12524	FCG: WELL
12525	FCG: FOR STARTERS
12526	FCG: HAVE YOU SCROLLED UP TO THE TOP OF THE TIMELINES YET?
12527	CGA: No
12528	FCG: CHECK THAT OUT
12529	FCG: MAYBE READ A FEW RECENT MEMOS
12530	FCG: BUT OTHER THAN THAT IT'S NOT FOR YOU TO CONCERN YOURSELF WITH.
12531	FCG: JUST DEAL WITH GETTING THROUGH THE QUEST.
12532	FCG: I'LL CATCH UP WITH YOU ABOUT IT WHEN YOU CATCH UP WITH ME ON THE TIMELINE.
12533	FCG: WHICH JUST HAPPENS TO BE RIGHT NOW.
12534	CGA: Say Hi To Me For Myself
12535	FCG: OK I PROBABLY WON'T DO THAT, BUT ALRIGHT HA HA.
12536	FCG: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING OVER THERE ANYWAY?
12537	CGA: You Mean Future Me
12538	FCG: YEAH.
12539	FCG: YOU'RE MESSING AROUND WITH YOUR CHAINSAW.
12540	FCG: WHILE TAVROS IS SLEEPING ON THE FLOOR.
12541	FCG: OH GOD.
12542	FCG: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK WHAT ARE YOU DOING???????
12543	CGA: What
12544	CGA: What Did I Do
12545	FUTURE carcinoGeneticist 2 [FCG2] 600 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.
12546	FCG2: OK.
12547	FCG2: EVERYTHING'S FINE I GUESS.
12548	CGA: What Happened
12549	FCG2: I PASSED OUT FOR ABOUT AN HOUR.
12550	FCG2: FUCKING EMBARRASSING.
12551	FCG2: YOU ARE OUT OF YOUR GODDAMN MIND, YOU KNOW.
12552	CGA: Shithive Maggots You Mean
12553	FCG2: YEAH
12554	FCG2: IN A GOOD WAY THOUGH.
12555	FCG2: OK I'M SHUTTING THIS MEMO DOWN FOR MY PAST SELF.
12556	FCG2: SINCE HE'S CURRENTLY LYING UNCONSCIOUS ON THE FLOOR AN HOUR AGO.
12557	FCG2: SEE YOU IN THE FUTURE-NOW.
12558	CGA: Til Then
12559	FCG2 banned CGA from responding to memo.
12560	FCG2 banned FCG from responding to memo.
12561	FCG2 closed memo.
12562	~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
12563	DRAGONSPRITE: sniff sniff
12564	DRAGONSPRITE: hey terezi!
12565	DRAGONSPRITE: heeeeeeeyyyyyyy!
12566	DRAGONSPRITE: hiiiiii terezi!
12567	DRAGONSPRITE: hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!
12568	DRAGONSPRITE: sniff sniff sniff
12569	DRAGONSPRITE: heeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheehee!
12570	CG: OK I GOT YOUR MESSAGE
12571	CG: THANKS FOR NOT HASSLING ME ABOUT IT IN ONE OF THE MEMOS TO GET MY ATTENTION, I APPRECIATE THAT.
12572	CG: UNLESS YOU DID, BUT IT WAS IN A FUTURE MEMO I HAVEN'T WRITTEN YET, IN WHICH CASE HAVE A BIGTIME FUCK YOU ABOUT THAT IN ADVANCE.
12573	GC: NO 1 D1DNT BUG YOU 4BOUT 1T 1N YOUR STUP1D M3MOS!
12574	GC: TH3Y 4R3 4NNOY1NG 4ND 1M T1R3D OF G3TT1NG B4NN3D FOR NO R34SON
12575	CG: POSTING IN THEM AT ALL IS THE REASON. YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO REPLY MEMOS PERIOD, THAT'S THE REASON.
12576	GC: M4YB3 1 W1LL ST4RT MY OWN BULL3T1N BO4RD
12577	GC: 4ND 3V3RYON3 W1LL B3 4LLOW3D TO R3PLY 4NY T1M3 TH3Y W4NT
12578	GC: 3XC3PT FOR GUYS W1TH NUBBY HORNS, OH NO, TH3Y W1LL NOT B3 4BL3 TO R3PLY 4T 4LL
12579	GC: GRUMPY K4RK4TS W1LL B3 3XPR3SSLY FORB1DD3N FROM R41NBOW RUMPUS P4RTYTOWN!
12580	GC: >:P
12581	CG: SOUNDS LAME.
12582	GC: BY TH3 W4Y TH4T W1LL B3 TH3 N4M3 OF TH3 BO4RD 1N C4S3 1T W4SNT CL34R
12583	CG: YEAH I GOT THAT.
12584	CG: THIS IS AN EMPTY THREAT, BECAUSE IF YOU MADE A BOARD AT ANY POINT ON THE TIMELINE I WOULD BE ABLE TO SEE IT RIGHT HERE AND READ THE WHOLE THING ALREADY.
12585	CG: WAIT...
12586	CG: OH GOD, YOU ACTUALLY DID.
12587	GC: Y3SSSSS!
12588	GC: FUTUR3 T3R3Z1 1S LOOK1NG PR3TTY COOL R1GHT 4BOUT NOW >8]
12589	CG: LOOK I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE FRUITY RUMPUS ASSHOLE FACTORY.
12590	CG: WHAT'S ALL THIS ABOUT GOING AFTER THE QUEEN'S RING.
12591	GC: W3LL
12592	GC: TH3 TH1NG TH4T 1S 4LL 4BOUT 1T 1S
12593	GC: W3 H4V3 TO GO 4FT3R TH3 QU33NS R1NG
12594	GC: 1T 1S 4 N3W M1SS1ON
12595	CG: BUT WE'RE STILL IN THE MIDDLE OF TRYING TO PULL OFF REGISURP WITH JACK.
12596	CG: WHY DON'T WE TAKE IT ONE MISSION AT A TIME.
12597	GC: Y34H 4BOUT TH4T
12598	GC: TH3 WHOL3 PO1NT 1S TO D3STROY TH3 R1NG SO J4CK DO3SNT G3T 1T
12599	CG: WHY WOULD WE WANT TO DO THAT, JACK'S AN ALLY.
12600	GC: 4LSO
12601	GC: TH3 M1SS1ON SORT OF 1NVOLV3S 3X1L1NG J4CK TOO
12602	GC: >:|
12603	CG: THIS IS BULLSHIT.
12604	CG: WE'RE NOT EXILING JACK, HE'S COOL.
12605	GC: K4RK4T, H3 1S NOT TH4T COOL!
12606	CG: YES HE IS, HE'S A TOTAL BADASS WITH A FUCK TON OF BLADES AND SHIT, AND HE'S HELPING US OUT.
12607	GC: OK, 1 TH1NK 1TS PR3TTY CUT3 TH4T YOU SORT OF LOOK UP TO H1M L1K3 TH4T
12608	GC: BUT S3R1OUSLY, 1 DO NOT G3T 4 GOOD F33L1NG FROM H1M!
12609	GC: H3 K1ND OF
12610	CG: STINKS?
12611	CG: LET ME ACTED SHOCKED LIKE I DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING.
12612	CG: O:
12613	CG: FUCK I FORGOT MY HORNS, I ALWAYS FORGET THEM
12614	CG: O:B
12615	GC: NO!
12616	GC: W3LL
12617	GC: SORT OF
12618	GC: H3 DO3SNT SM3LL B4D 4CTU4LLY
12619	GC: H3 SM3LLS R34LLY CL34N 4ND SH1NY 4ND D4RK D4RK D444RK L1K3 4N O1L SL1CK 4ND TH3R3 1S 4 T1NY H1NT OF L1COR1C3 TH3R3 TOO
12620	GC: 1TS MOR3 L1K3
12621	GC: TH3 W4Y H3 MOV3S
12622	GC: 1 SM3LL H1S SMOOTH MOT1ONS 4ND TH3 W4Y H3 SQU1NTS H1S 3Y3S 4ND 1T G1V3S M3 TH1S R34LLY N3RVOUS F33L1NG
12623	CG: WHAT A SURPRISE, YOU ARE DRAGGING YOUR SCHIZOPHRENIC NOSE INTO THIS, WHAT AN OUTSTANDING CHARACTER WITNESS.
12624	CG: OBJECTION YOUR TYRANNY! HAHAHA
12625	GC: >:D
12626	CG: THE BOTTOM LINE IS I AM NOT GOING TO EXILE JACK BECAUSE YOU BELIEVE YOU CAN SMELL MALICE OFF AN INTERPRETIVE DANCE.
12627	GC: K4RK4T, H3S 4 J3RK!
12628	GC: H3 H4S ST4BB3D YOU ON MOR3 TH4N ON3 OCC4S1ON!
12629	CG: SOME OF THOSE STABBINGS WERE ACCIDENTAL!
12630	GC: >8|
12631	CG: OK, WELL I KNOW FOR A FACT THE THIRD TIME WAS ACCIDENTAL.
12632	CG: ANYWAY YOU'VE BEATEN THE SHIT OUT OF ME A FEW TIMES YOURSELF.
12633	GC: BUT 1 D1DN'T DR4W BLOOD!
12634	GC: 1 M34N 1 COULD H4V3 TO S4T1SFY MY CUR1OS1TY >:]
12635	GC: BUT 1 D1DNT 4S 4 COURT3SY TO YOU
12636	GC: S1NC3 YOU ST1LL W4NT TO K33P 1T 4 S3CR3T FROM M3 L1K3 4 P3TUL4NT L1TTL3 W1GGL3R >:P
12637	CG: HEY I PROMISED I'D TELL YOU.
12638	CG: I JUST
12639	CG: WASN'T READY OK
12640	GC: W3LL
12641	GC: 1TS OK
12642	GC: 1 KNOW WH4T COLOR YOUR BLOOD 1S 4NYW4Y >:]
12643	CG: NO YOU DON'T
12644	GC: YUP, 1 TOT4LLY DO
12645	CG: LIES, I'VE BEEN VERY CAREFUL.
12646	CG: NOT LIKE ALL YOU CLASSLESS SHITBAGS WHO SLOP YOUR BLOOD ALL OVER THE PLACE EVERY GODDAMN MINUTE LIKE IT'S SOME WEIRD FETISH.
12647	GC: 3RR
12648	GC: HM >:\
12649	CG: WHAT
12650	GC: BL4R
12651	GC: HOLD ON
12652	CG: WHAT IS IT?
12653	GC: 1 S41D HOLD ON! SOM3T1M3S 1TS H4RD TO P1CK OUT TH3 L3TT3RS FROM TH3 HOLO PROJ3CT1ON
12654	GC: 1 N33D TO G3T 4 CLOS3R LOOK!
12655	CG: ARE YOU LICKING YOUR GLASSES AGAIN?
12656	CG: I HATE IT WHEN YOU DO THAT, IT'S FUCKING DISGUSTING.
12657	GC: NOMP, WH4TH WOULB EBER G1TH YOU TH4TH 1BE4???
12658	GC: H3H3H3H3H3H3H3
12659	GC: TH4T 1S B3TT3R
12660	GC: 1TS MUCH 34S13R TO R34D YOUR COLOR TH1S W4Y
12661	GC: YOUR DR4B D1RTY P4V3M3NT GR4Y
12662	GC: ON TOP OF BR1GHT C4NDY R3D, L1K3 4 SH1NY LOLL1POP
12663	GC: DO3S TH4T SOUND F4M1L14R K4RK4T??
12664	CG: YES, I'M EXTREMELY FAMILIAR WITH THIS SORT OF NONSENSE BY NOW, SURE.
12665	GC: NO 1 M34N
12666	GC: GR4Y ON R3D
12667	GC: L1K3 TH3 W4Y YOUR SK1N
12668	GC: CONC34LS YOUR BLOOD
12669	CG: WHAT
12670	GC: C4NDY C4NDY R3D!
12671	GC: L1K3 YOUR PL4N3T
12672	GC: YOU H4V3 STRONG CH3RRY COUGH SYRUP 1N YOUR V31NS! 1T 1S COMPL3T3LY D3L1C1OUS.
12673	CG: WHO TOLD YOU
12674	CG: DID JACK TELL YOU
12675	GC: NO H3 DO3SNT T4LK MUCH
12676	GC: 1 F1GUR3D 1T OUT MYS3LF
12677	CG: HOW
12678	GC: 1 GOT 4 CLOS3R LOOK
12679	GC: R3M3MB3R >:]
12680	CG: NO
12681	GC: PFFF YOU 4R3 PL4Y1NG SO DUMB, YOU KNOW 3X4CTLY WH4T 1 4M T4LK1NG 4BOUT
12682	CG: I CLEANED UP MY WOUND AND CHANGED MY SHIRT BEFORE I EVEN MET YOU, I'VE BEEN EXTREMELY CAREFUL.
12683	CG: SO YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO FILL ME IN.
12684	GC: 1T W4S WH3N 1 GOT CLOS3 3NOUGH
12685	GC: TO SM3LL 1T UND3R YOUR SK1N
12686	GC: PL34S3 K4RK4T, DO NOT PR3T3ND TH4T YOU FORGOT 4BOUT OUR L1TTL3 MOM3NT
12687	CG: WHOA
12688	CG: YOU MEAN
12689	CG: DURING
12690	CG: FUCK.
12691	CG: OK SHHHHHHHHHH SHH SHH SHH...
12692	CG: LET'S NOT TALK ABOUT THIS, NOT HERE.
12693	GC: TH1S 1SNT 4 M3MO!
12694	GC: 1TS 4 PR1V4T3 CORR3SPOND3NC3 JUST B3TW33N US, R3M3MB3R?
12695	CG: I KNOW BUT
12696	CG: DAMMIT
12697	CG: WRITING ALL THESE MEMOS HAS MADE ME PARANOID.
12698	CG: IT JUST DOESN'T FEEL SECURE CHATTING ABOUT IT OVER THE CLIENT, I DUNNO.
12699	CG: WE CAN TALK ABOUT IT IN PERSON.
12700	GC: HOW "1N P3RSON" DO YOU M34N?
12701	GC: UH OH LOOK 4T MY 3Y3BROWS G3TT1NG C4RR13D 4W4Y H3R3
12702	GC: >;]
12703	GC: > ;]
12704	GC: >;]
12705	GC: > ;]
12706	GC: >;]
12707	GC: > ;]
12708	GC: K4RK4T H3LP, TH3Y 4R3 OUT OF CONTROL!!!
12709	CG: THOSE ARE EYEBROWS?
12710	CG: I THOUGHT THEY WERE HORNS.
12711	GC: TH3Y 4R3 HORNS TOO
12712	GC: TH3Y 4R3 4R3 WH4T3V3R 1 W4NT TH3M TO B3
12713	CG: ?:B
12714	GC: DONT CH4NG3 TH3 SUBJ3CT BY B31NG CUT3!
12715	CG: WELL APPARENTLY I JUST CAN'T FUCKING HELP MYSELF CAN I.
12716	GC: NOP3
12717	CG: HOW CAN YOU EVEN SMELL SO DAMN WELL, ANYWAY.
12718	CG: YOU GIVE ME A HARD TIME ABOUT BEING COY ABOUT SHIT
12719	CG: BUT WHEN IT COMES TO YOUR CRAZY SENSES YOU'RE SO VAGUE, IT'S LIKE TRYING TO DECIPHER THE DAILY HOROSCOPE RIDDLE.
12720	CG: OR THE RIDDLES FOR ALL 48 SIGNS COMBINED.
12721	GC: 444RGH
12722	GC: YOU 4R3 4 R3L3NTL3SS SUBJ3CT CH4NG3R! >XO
12723	GC: F1N3, 1TS OK 1F YOU DONT W4NT TO T4LK 4BOUT 1T
12724	GC: GOD YOU 4R3 SOOOOO SHY FOR 4N 4NGRY GUY WHO W4NTS TO B3 4 B1GSHOT L34D3R, 1TS R1D1CULOUS
12725	CG: LOOK
12726	CG: WE'LL TALK
12727	CG: I PROMISE
12728	CG: WHY DON'T YOU JUST SAY SOME STUFF ABOUT YOURSELF FOR A CHANGE
12729	CG: AND CUT ME SOME SLACK.
12730	GC: OK >:]
12731	GC: 1M SUR3 1 M3NT1ON3D 4FT3R YOU M3T MY SPR1T3
12732	GC: 1 L34RN3D FROM H3R THROUGH MY DR34MS
12733	GC: B3FOR3 SH3 H4TCH3D!
12734	CG: YEAH, BUT IT'S STILL SO VAGUE.
12735	CG: THAT'S THE WHOLE POINT.
12736	CG: HOW ABOUT A STRAIGHT ANSWER?
12737	GC: OK, 1LL TRY
12738	GC: WH3N 1 W3NT BL1ND, TH4TS WH3N 1 F1RST WOK3 UP
12739	GC: 4ND MY LUSUS H3LP3D M3 W4K3 UP!
12740	GC: SORT OF
12741	CG: YOU MEAN ON PROSPIT'S MOON.
12742	GC: Y3S
12743	GC: BUT
12744	GC: 3XC3PT FOR 4 V3RY BR13F MOM3NT...
12745	GC: 1 W4S BL1ND 1N MY DR34MS TOO
12746	GC: TH3 DR34M S3LF 1M4G3 1 PROJ3CT C4N'T S33, B3C4US3 1 GU3SS D33P DOWN 1 DONT R34LLY W4NT TO
12747	CG: WHY IS THAT.
12748	CG: IS IT OUT OF SPITE TO VRISKA?
12749	CG: I KNOW I'D PROBABLY BE COOL WITH IT OUT OF SPITE MORE THAN ANYTHING.
12750	GC: NO
12751	GC: NOT TH4T TH3R3 W4SNT SOM3 S4T1SF4CT1ON 1N B31NG OK4Y W1TH 1T
12752	GC: GR4T3FUL 4BOUT 1T 3V3N!
12753	GC: 4ND M4K1NG SUR3 SH3 KN3W TH4T
12754	GC: BUT TH4TS NOT 1T
12755	GC: TH3 D4Y 1T H4PP3N3D W4S TH3 F1RST T1M3 1 3V3R H34RD FROM MY LUSUS
12756	GC: SH3 WOK3 M3 UP, 4ND 3V3R S1NC3 H4S B33N T34CH1NG M3 4 D1FF3R3NT W4Y TO S33
12757	GC: 4 D1FF3R3NT W4Y TO P3RC31V3 3V3RYTH1NG 1 GU3SS, NOT JUST 1N 4 S3NSORY W4Y
12758	CG: OK, SO WHY DID YOU NEVER TELL ME ANY OF THIS?
12759	GC: YOU WOULDNT H4V3 GOTT3N 1T!
12760	GC: 3V3N NOW YOU ST1LL DONT R34LLY
12761	GC: YOU H4V3 NOT 3V3N S33N SK414 Y3T
12762	CG: HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO WAKE UP.
12763	GC: 1 DONT KNOW!
12764	GC: SOM3TH1NG D1FF3R3NT DO3S 1T FOR 3V3RYBODY
12765	CG: HOW MANY OF US ARE AWAKE NOW?
12766	CG: HOW MUCH OF THE FUTURE DID YOU "SEE" BEFORE WE STARTED
12767	CG: IN THE CLOUDS, LIKE KANAYA
12768	CG: ALSO HOW DID YOU GO BLIND ANYWAY???
12769	CG: WHAT DID SHE DO TO YOU, I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU'RE SO CAGEY ABOUT THAT.
12770	CG: I STILL DON'T SEE HOW SHE COULD BLIND YOU WITHOUT BEING ANYWHERE NEAR YOU.
12771	CG: OBVIOUSLY SHE CAN'T CONTROL YOU, SO WHAT GIVES?
12772	GC: K4RK4T SHUT UP!
12773	GC: GOD
12774	GC: HOW 4BOUT 1F
12775	GC: 1 T3LL YOU 4LL 4BOUT TH4T STUFF N3XT T1M3 W3 4R3 "1N P3RSON" >;]
12776	GC: 1N F4CT, 1 W1LL T3LL YOU WH3N YOU W4K3 UP!
12777	GC: UNT1L TH3N 1 W1LL K33P T4BS ON YOU 1N YOUR TOW3R WH1L3 YOU SL33P L1K3 4 L1TTL3 HON3Y P4J4M4'D PUP4 N3STL3D 1N H1S COCOON
12778	CG: WAIT LET ME GUESS.
12779	CG: DO I LOOK ADORABLE?????????
12780	GC: 4CTU4LLY
12781	GC: YOU LOOK K1ND OF L1K3 4 B1G P1L3 OF SM3LLY B4RF
12782	CG: WOW, WHAT THE FUCK.
12783	GC: OF COOOOUUUUURS3 YOU DO, DUMB4SS >:]
12784	CG: OH
12785	CG: THEN
12786	CG: GOOD I GUESS
12787	GC: OK 1V3 GOT TO FLY
12788	GC: DONT WORRY 4BOUT TH3 R1NG M1SS1ON
12789	GC: YOU C4N ST4Y BUSY W1TH R3G1SURP
12790	GC: 1 W1LL ORG4N1Z3 TH3 N3W M1SS1ON MYS3LF
12791	GC: L4T3R!
12792	CG: WAIT
12793	CG: TEREZI
12794	CG: PLEASE DON'T TELL THEM ABOUT MY BLOOD.
12795	CG: I WANT TO TELL THEM, I MEAN I WILL TELL THEM.
12796	CG: LATER
12797	CG: ONCE THEY RESPECT ME AS A LEADER.
12798	GC: OK
12799	GC: 1 W1LL K33P TH4T S3CR3T 1F YOU K33P TH1S ON3 1 T3LL YOU
12800	GC: WH1CH 1S TH4T
12801	GC: B3TW33N YOU 4ND M3 K4RK4T
12802	GC: 1 TH1NK TH3Y 4LR34DY DO
12803	GC: BY3!
12804	GC: <3
12805	CG: BYE
12806	CG: <3
12807	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/puase.gif" border="0" />
12808	Atta girl.
12809	Someone needs to grab the reins on timeline management here. These delinquents waste too much time. Can't seem to conduct their business with any efficiency at all.
12810	Payback scenarios notwithstanding. There's always time to be made for a good comeuppance.
12811	FUTURE apocalypseArisen [FAA] 2:16 HOURS FROM NOW opened private transtimeline bulletin board r0ad t0 the und0ing.
12812	~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
12813	FAA 2:16 HOURS FROM NOW opened memo on board r0ad t0 the und0ing.
12814	FAA: this private b0ard will and has already served as a l0g 0f past events f0r future selves t0 rec0rd and a guide 0f future events f0r past selves t0 f0ll0w
12815	FAA: i d0nt kn0w which half 0f its r0le has been 0r will be m0re imp0rtant
12816	FAA: p0ssibly neither is critical since deviati0n fr0m the c0urse is m0stly imp0ssible and reflecti0n 0n its traversal is c0mpletely irrelevant
12817	FAA: but im typing this anyway
12818	FAA: because im b0red again
12819	PAST apocalypseArisen [PAA] 601 HOURS AGO responded to memo.
12820	PAA: and here i was thinking we were finished taking 0rders fr0m v0ices!
12821	PAA: weve 0nly swapped the imperatives 0f the dead with th0se 0f 0ur future selves
12822	PAA: wh0 are als0 dead
12823	FAA: yes it seems that way
12824	PAA: 0h well it was an enj0yable reprieve fr0m fatalism while it lasted
12825	PAA: id nearly managed t0 sav0r it
12826	FAA: an err0r narr0wly av0ided then
12827	FAA: i think we sh0uld refrain fr0m dial0gue in this mem0
12828	FAA: with0ut res0rting t0 bannings 0r absurd exchanges 0f self repudiati0n
12829	PAA: yeah i agree
12830	PAA: i just th0ught id interject that and g0
12831	FAA: 0k
12832	FAA: we will and have already amassed an army t0 c0nfr0nt the black king
12833	FAA: an army c0nsisting 0f 0ur alternate future selves
12834	FAA: each 0ne rer0uted fr0m a d00med 0ffsh00t 0f the alpha timeline
12835	FAA: each given an0ther chance at a c0nstructive influence 0ver the ultimate 0utc0me
12836	FAA: by the way if y0u didnt kn0w already
12837	FAA: a future self returning t0 the past fr0m a d00med timeline will always be slated f0r imminent destructi0n herself
12838	FAA: its 0ne 0f the rules
12839	FAA: and the unf0rtunate reality is
12840	FAA: this will and has already been a mass suicide missi0n
12841	FAA: 0r it w0uld be
12842	FAA: and already w0uld have been
12843	FAA: if we all werent already dead
12844	FAA: 0_0
12845	FAA: m0bilizing 0urselves in such numbers w0uld be required t0 neutralize the kings psychic attacks
12846	FAA: it w0uld take 0ur c0mbined c0ncentrati0n t0 dampen the abilities he inherited fr0m glbg0lyb
12847	FAA: with0ut the cumulative eff0rt 0f 0ur d00med reserves
12848	FAA: with0ut the heightened mental and physical endurance 0f 0ur r0b0tic vessels
12849	FAA: with0ut the untimely demise we all shared bef0re this began
12850	FAA: vict0ry w0uld n0t be p0ssible
12851	FAA: he w0uld kill us all with 0ne dreadful s0und
12852	FAA: i d0nt kn0w if it was just bad luck
12853	FAA: 0r an extensi0n 0f the curse karkat insists he br0ught 0n us
12854	FAA: that lead t0 the incidental and unf0rtuit0us pr0t0typing 0f feferis p0werful lusus
12855	FAA: with0ut which the battle w0uld have p0sed little challenge
12856	FAA: i think
12857	FAA: it was m0re likely just an0ther inevitability
12858	FAA: a pr0duct 0f c0llusi0n between the disparate f0rces at play
12859	FAA: a bargain struck between what skaia kn0ws already and what the g0ds demand up fr0nt
12860	FAA: t0gether they 0rchestrate trials sufficient t0 ensure
12861	FAA: that in 0verc0ming them we w0uld be pr0ven w0rthy
12862	FAA: 0f inheriting <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/ultimatereward.gif" border="0" />
12863	FAA: ribbit
12864	FAA: wh00ps
12865	FAA: and s0 it w0uld be and has been already
12866	FAA: that while distracted by the c0mbined eff0rts 0f 0ur d00med legi0n
12867	FAA: the king w0uld be aggressed by the 0thers
12868	FAA: and even th0ugh each w0uld be well prepared
12869	FAA: perched 0n the highest rungs 0f their echeladders
12870	FAA: equipped with the best weap0nry grist c0uld build
12871	FAA: versed in the deadliest fraym0tifs b00nd0llars c0uld buy
12872	FAA: even th0ugh the mete0rs fr0m the kings 0wn reck0ning w0uld be turned against him
12873	FAA: and even with 0ne imp0ssibly lucky r0ll 0f the dice at the final m0ment
12874	FAA: we w0uld 0nly narr0wly succeed
12875	FAA: but ultimately
12876	FAA: we w0uld pr0ve 0ur w0rth
12877	FAA: and the reward w0uld be within 0ur reach
12878	FAA: but 0nly m0mentarily
12879	FAA: bef0re we w0uld be able t0 claim it
12880	FAA: we w0uld be interrupted
12881	FAA: by s0mething
12882	FAA: which w0uld be ushered int0 0ur sessi0n by a rift in parad0x space
12883	FAA: a rift which we w0uld determine
12884	FAA: will be 0pened by f0ur members 0f a fledgling species
12885	FAA: wh0 will be playing in an0ther sessi0n 0f the same game that we will and have already played
12886	FAA: their rift will lead t0 the great und0ing
12887	FAA: with0ut necessarily causing it
12888	FAA: n0t directly
12889	FAA: such rifts are themselves supp0sedly benign
12890	FAA: useful even
12891	FAA: they are catal0gued phen0mena within the game itself
12892	FAA: with a pr0vided means 0f creating them
12893	FAA: and a wide range 0f scenari0s f0r which it might be prudent t0 d0 s0
12894	FAA: the incipisphere l0cals have a m0re f0rmal term f0r them
12895	FAA: they typically refer t0 such a rift as
12896	FAA: a scratch
12897	CAA: the direct effects 0f a scratch are limited t0 the sessi0n inv0king it
12898	CAA: we w0uld n0t experience 0r 0bserve th0se effects fr0m 0ur sessi0n
12899	CAA: but we w0uld experience the c0nsequences
12900	CAA: in the f0rm 0f that which prevented us fr0m claiming 0ur reward
12901	CAA: he wh0se hand w0uld be f0rced by the scratch
12902	CAA: t0 emerge fr0m hiding
12903	CAA: but there w0uld be n0 adequate way t0 prepare
12904	CAA: even with all the f0resight at 0ur disp0sal
12905	CAA: f0r a f0e m0re p0werful than the king we will and have already defeated
12906	CAA: f0r a dem0n wh0 is indestructible
12907	CAA: 0mnip0tent
12908	CAA: and enraged
12909	CAA: while the rest 0f the party w0uld absc0nd
12910	CAA: 0ur duplicates w0uld buy us time
12911	CAA: they w0uld all be killed
12912	CAA: again
12913	CAA: all except f0r me
12914	CAA: this is just as well i supp0se
12915	CAA: what w0uld we even d0 with all th0se c0pies anyway
12916	CAA: we w0uld return t0 the site 0f 0ur hatching
12917	CAA: s0 t0 speak
12918	CAA: where we w0uld hide
12919	CAA: amidst a veil depleted by the reck0ning
12920	CAA: and wait
12921	CAA: drifting in the wide 0rbit 0f 0ur s00n t0 be null sessi0n
12922	CAA: banished fr0m the <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/universeblue.gif" border="0" /> we left behind
12923	CAA: and yet in being denied <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/ultimatereward.gif" border="0" />
12924	CAA: we w0uld be barred fr0m entry
12925	CAA: int0 the <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/universered.gif" border="0" /> we created
12926	You finally found him. After hours of searching.
12927	No.
12928	SWEEPS of searching.
12929	CG: ATTENTION WORTHLESS HUMAN.
12930	CG: THIS IS YOUR GOD SPEAKING.
12931	CG: IT IS A WRATHFUL GOD WHO DESPISES YOU MORE THAN YOU COULD HAVE POSSIBLY DARED TO FEAR.
12932	CG: I HAVE WATCHED YOUR ENTIRE PATHETIC LIFE UNFOLD.
12933	CG: I HAVE OBSERVED YOU WHILE YOU WOULD QUAKE AND TREMBLE IN PERSONAL PRAYERS OF SHAME.
12934	CG: WHILE YOU PLEADED FORGIVENESS FOR BEING SUCH A WRETCHED DISGUSTING FAILURE ON EVERY CONCEIVABLE LEVEL.
12935	CG: PROSTRATE BEFORE THE STUPID AND FALSE CLOWN GODS YOU HAVE SCRIBBLED ON THE WALLS OF YOUR BLOCK.
12936	CG: BOGUS DEITIES WORSHIPED BY A PRIMITIVE "PARADISE" PLANET.
12937	CG: BUT YOUR PRAYERS WILL NOT BE ANSWERED.
12938	CG: THERE ARE NO MIRACLES IN STORE FOR YOU, HUMAN.
12939	CG: ONLY MY HATE.
12940	CG: IT IS A HATE SO PURE AND HOT IT WOULD CONSUME YOUR SAD UNDERDEVELOPED HUMAN THINK PAN TO EVEN CONTEMPLATE.
12941	CG: IT IS A HATE THAT TO FATHOM MUST BE PUT INTO SONG.
12942	CG: SHRIEKED BY THE TEN THOUSAND ROWDY SHOUT SPHINCTERS PEPPERING THE GRUESOME UNDERBELLY OF THE MOST TRUCULENT GOD THE FURTHEST RING CAN MUSTER.
12943	CG: IT IS A HATE THAT MADE YOU AND WILL SURELY DESTROY YOU.
12944	CG: MY HATE IS THE LIFEBLOOD THAT PULSES THROUGH THE VEINS OF YOUR UNIVERSE.
12945	CG: IT IS MY GIFT TO YOU.
12946	CG: YOU'RE WELCOME FOR THAT.
12947	CG: YOU UNGRATEFUL PIECE OF SHIT.
12948	EB: hi karkat!
12949	CG: WHAT
12950	CG: HOW DO YOU KNOW MY NAME.
12951	EB: oh man.
12952	EB: this is it, isn't it?
12953	EB: i've been looking forward to this!
12954	CG: WHAT IS IT.
12955	CG: ME HATING YOU IS WHAT'S IT.
12956	CG: IF THAT'S WHAT YOU MEAN, YEAH, BINGO.
12957	EB: no, i mean this is the first conversation between us, from your perspective.
12958	EB: right?
12959	CG: YEAH.
12960	CG: ARE YOU SUGGESTING WE'VE SPOKEN BEFORE.
12961	EB: yeah, lots of times!
12962	EB: actually...
12963	EB: i should introduce myself properly.
12964	EB: hi karkat, i am john!
12965	CG: JOHN, WHY WOULD I GIVE A PUNGENT WHIPPING LUMPSQUIRT WHAT YOUR NAME IS.
12966	EB: because we are buddies!
12967	CG: I ADMIT I AM NEW TO HUMAN SOCIAL CONSTRUCTS
12968	CG: BUT I REFUSE TO BELIEVE OUR RELATIONSHIP CAN OR WILL EVER BE DESCRIBED AS "EARTH HUMAN BUDDIES".
12969	EB: yup, we totally are.
12970	EB: we just became earth human buddies in a kind of weird way.
12971	EB: you decide to keep talking to me backwards through my adventure.
12972	EB: and then when you are done with that you come back and talk to me more recently on the timeline for a while.
12973	EB: you talk to my friends a whole bunch too.
12974	EB: you and your alternian troll buddies help me and my earth human buddies hatch a plan!
12975	EB: which we are busy putting into motion right now, as you can see.
12976	CG: THESE ARE LIES.
12977	CG: I KNOW WHEN I AM BEING TROLLED, WHO DO YOU EVEN THINK YOU ARE TALKING TO HERE.
12978	CG: I AM YOUR GOD, REMEMBER.
12979	EB: yeah yeah, i know.
12980	CG: WHY WOULD I TROLL YOU BACKWARDS? THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY FUCKING SENSE.
12981	CG: AND WHY WOULD I HELP YOU AND YOUR IDIOT FRIENDS?
12982	CG: I WOULD JUST BE HELPING YOU BLUNDER DOWN THE PATH THAT ENDS WITH YOU OPENING THE RIFT LIKE A BUNCH OF MORONS.
12983	EB: you mean the scratch?
12984	CG: WHATEVER.
12985	EB: yes! that is the plan.
12986	EB: you yourself said it was the only hope now.
12987	CG: RIDICULOUS.
12988	CG: I DIDN'T WRIGGLE OUT OF A PUDDLE OF SLIME YESTERDAY.
12989	CG: THAT WAS SEVERAL WEEKS AGO, OK?
12990	EB: heheheh.
12991	CG: I DO NOT THINK YOU APPRECIATE THE GRAVITY OF MY ANTIPATHY, JOHN HUMAN.
12992	EB: egbert.
12993	CG: OK, HUMAN EGBERT.
12994	CG: I FUCKING LOATHE YOU, AND I HAVE TUNED INTO YOUR CHANNEL MOMENTS BEFORE THE ERADICATION OF YOUR TIMELINE AND THAT SMUG LOOK ON YOUR FACE, WITH JUST ENOUGH TIME FOR ME TO BASICALLY COMPLETELY FUCKING DESTROY YOU WITH HOSTILE RHETORIC.
12995	CG: THERE IS NO CHANCE I WILL EVER HELP YOU.
12996	CG: YOU CAN'T POSSIBLY UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH I HATE YOU OR WHY I HATE YOU.
12997	CG: I WASN'T JOKING WHEN I SAID I WAS YOUR GOD, LIKE THAT WASN'T JUST A LOT OF BRAVADO AND USELESS PISSING AROUND.
12998	CG: I AM LITERALLY RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR EXISTENCE.
12999	CG: WE BEAT THE GAME YOU ARE PLAYING AND CREATED YOUR UNIVERSE.
13000	CG: WE WERE GOING TO ENTER YOUR UNIVERSE AND RULE OVER IT.
13001	CG: LIKE TYRANTS.
13002	CG: IT WAS TO BE OUR PLAYTHING, JOHN.
13003	CG: YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW SWEET IT WAS GOING TO BE.
13004	CG: BUT THEN WE COULDN'T CLAIM OUR PRIZE BECAUSE OF THAT MONSTROSITY YOU SPRUNG ON US.
13005	EB: man...
13006	EB: i knoooow.
13007	EB: none of this is news to me, karkat!
13008	EB: but to be quite honest, it doesn't sound like your intentions were all that great.
13009	EB: wanting to be tyrants and all.
13010	EB: maybe you got what you deserved, you stutid fuckass!
13011	CG: STUTID?
13012	CG: WOW, YOUR SPECIES REALLY IS BRAINDEAD.
13013	EB: eh, it's an in-joke, never mind.
13014	EB: anyway, hey!
13015	EB: i thought this was supposed to be the conversation where you do all that AMAAAAAZING TROLLING!
13016	EB: come on bro, flame me!
13017	EB: i have been really excited about this.
13018	CG: YOU ACTUALLY WANT ME TO TROLL YOU?
13019	CG: I MEAN
13020	CG: DON'T WORRY, I CAN AND I WILL, AND IT WILL BE A GODDAMN BLOODBATH WHEN I GET STARTED.
13021	CG: IT'S JUST KIND OF WEIRD YOU'RE EXCITED ABOUT IT, IS THAT NORMAL FOR YOUR RACE?
13022	EB: um...
13023	EB: i don't know, probably not.
13024	EB: i just think it's kind of funny when you do it.
13025	CG: THAT'S REALLY CONDESCENDING AND IT'S HARD TO CONVEY HOW MUCH MORE I JUST GOT PISSED OFF THAN I ALREADY WAS.
13026	CG: BUT MAYBE IT MAKES SENSE ACTUALLY
13027	CG: THAT YOU WELCOME MY ACRIMONY SO READILY
13028	CG: ON ACCOUNT OF PROBABLY SOME WEIRD GLAND HUMANS HAVE, LIKE A PUNISHMENT THROBBER OR SOME SILLY SOUNDING THING LIKE THAT.
13029	CG: IT MIGHT MEAN THAT I'M RIGHT ABOUT YOU.
13030	EB: right about what?
13031	CG: I MEAN THAT IT SEEMS LIKE WE ARE CONNECTED IN SOME WAY, DON'T YOU THINK JOHN.
13032	CG: SORT OF COSMICALLY.
13033	CG: LIKE OUR HATE FOR EACH OTHER IS SO STRONG IT MUST HAVE BEEN WRITTEN IN THE STARS.
13034	CG: YOU KNOW, THE ONES I FUCKING MADE FOR YOU.
13035	EB: ha ha, i don't hate you!
13036	CG: HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY CLAIM TO HAVE TALKED TO ME A LOT ALREADY AND NOT HATE ME, SEE IT DOESN'T ADD UP.
13037	EB: wait...
13038	EB: are you saying that we are kisme-whatevers?
13039	CG: WHAT, NO.
13040	CG: WHAT DO YOU TAKE ME FOR, THAT WOULD BE SUCH A BRAZEN SOLICITATION.
13041	CG: IT'S INSULTING.
13042	CG: I MEAN
13043	CG: OK I'M NOT SAYING I'M RULING OUT THE IDEA OR ANYTHING.
13044	CG: LIKE IF LATER OVER TIME YOU STARTED REALLY HATING ME MORE
13045	CG: LIKE REALLY GOT TO KNOW ME AND FOUND OUT ABOUT HOW MUCH THERE WAS TO HATE
13046	EB: er...
13047	CG: BUT... IN THE PAST I GUESS? I'M JUST SAYING WHO KNOWS WHAT COULD HAPPEN.
13048	CG: OR HAS ALREADY HAPPENED.
13049	EB: uh.
13050	CG: FUCK WHAT AM I BABBLING ABOUT.
13051	CG: THIS IS FUCKING RIDICULOUS, WE JUST MET FOR FUCK'S SAKE.
13052	CG: AND IT'S NOT LIKE WE'RE EVER GOING TO MEET IN PERSON, SO IT'S ALL A MOOT POINT.
13053	CG: SO FORGET I SAID ANYTHING.
13054	CG: GOD, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME.
13055	EB: well...
13056	EB: i just didn't really have any idea that you had any sort of feelings like that, so i am kind of caught off guard.
13057	CG: WHAT FEELINGS, THERE ARE NO FEELINGS, END OF DISCUSSION.
13058	EB: hey, i don't have a problem with your weird sort of alien hate-love thing!
13059	EB: it is just that, uh...
13060	CG: WHAT
13061	EB: i am not a homosexual.
13062	CG: WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?
13063	EB: it is like, when a boy likes another boy.
13064	EB: or i guess hates, in this case.
13065	CG: HUMANS HAVE A WORD FOR THAT?
13066	EB: yes.
13067	CG: HOW IS THAT EVEN A THING?
13068	EB: shrug. it just is.
13069	CG: HUMAN ROMANCE SURE IS WEIRD.
13070	EB: i am just as confused by your troll shenanigans.
13071	EB: so many shenanigans!
13072	EB: anyway, i kind of got the impression that you and terezi were a thing.
13073	CG: WHAT DO YOU MEAN A THING.
13074	EB: like, i dunno.
13075	EB: going on weird fight dates and beating the crap out of each other, and being in hate-love or love-hate.
13076	EB: isn't that how it works?
13077	CG: YOU ARE SUCH AN IGNORAMUS I COULD SHIT MILES OF RAGE SNAKE TO CHOKE YOU TO DEATH.
13078	EB: ew.
13079	CG: WHO HAVE YOU BEEN TALKING TO, WHAT HAVE YOU HEARD ABOUT THAT.
13080	EB: um, i talked to you...
13081	EB: and her...
13082	EB: and some others. i don't know! like i said it's just a sense i got.
13083	EB: sorry!
13084	CG: OK FIRST OF ALL, IF THERE WERE A "THING" WITH HER, AND THAT'S A HUGE IF
13085	CG: IT WOULD BE A TOTALLY DIFFERENT QUADRANT THAN WHAT WE WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT.
13086	EB: oh god, the quadrants...
13087	CG: SECOND, WHETHER SHE AND I HAVE A THING OR DON'T HAVE A THING, OR TOOK A ROMANTIC HOT AIR BALLOON RIDE SUSPENDED IN A GODDAMN FILIAL PAIL TOGETHER
13088	CG: IT'S DEFINITELY NONE OF YOUR FUCKING EARTH BUSINESS, EGBERT HUMAN JOHN.
13089	CG: GOT IT????????
13090	EB: ok, sheesh!
13091	EB: karkat, i am going to be honest...
13092	EB: this first conversation is not going how i thought it would at all!
13093	EB: it is really kind of...
13094	EB: awkward.
13095	CG: YEAH
13096	CG: WOW, IT IS
13097	EB: yeah...
13098	CG: HUH.
13099	EB: well...
13100	EB: um...
13101	CG: OK, LOOK.
13102	CG: LET'S JUST AGREE TO NEVER BRING IT UP AGAIN.
13103	CG: THE STUFF I WAS BABBLING ABOUT EARLIER.
13104	EB: yeah, well we never really talked about it in the past, so i guess we do agree to that.
13105	CG: BUT IF I TALK TO YOU AGAIN
13106	CG: IN YOUR FUTURE, LIMITED THOUGH IT IS
13107	CG: YOU'LL REMEMBER MY EMBARRASSING SHIT
13108	CG: SO I GUESS
13109	CG: I'LL HAVE TO TROLL YOU BACKWARDS?
13110	EB: told you bro!!!!!!!
13111	EB: hahahaha.
13112	CG: YOU REALLY ARE A SMUG NOOK WHIFFER, JOHN EGBERT.
13113	CG: I THINK WE NEED TO GET BACK ON POINT HERE.
13114	CG: WHICH IS ADDRESSING THE MATTER OF WHAT INCOMPREHENSIBLY PUTRID GARBAGE YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS ARE AND HOW MUCH I HATE YOU.
13115	EB: you mean platonic hate?
13116	CG: SHUT THE FUCK UP, WE AREN'T TALKING ABOUT THAT, REMEMBER.
13117	EB: oh yeah.
13118	CG: SO YOU WANTED TO GET TROLLED, WELL YOU GOT IT.
13119	CG: PREPARE TO GET YOUR PUNY HUMAN BULGE FLAMED INTO NUCLEAR HATEBLIVION.
13120	CG: WELCOME TO THE TROLLOCAUST. THE PAINSTAKING GENOCIDE OF YOUR FRAGILE SELF ESTEEM WILL BE MY SWAN SONG.
13121	EB: oh boy, this sounds great.
13122	EB: but...
13123	EB: we're out of time!
13124	EB: i have to go put this plan into motion.
13125	CG: OH I SEE, TAKING THE COWARD'S WAY OUT.
13126	CG: SCAMPERING OFF TO GET ANNIHILATED BY A DEADLY RIFT, HOW CONVENIENT.
13127	CG: WELL FINE, SAYONARA YOU WORTHLESS CROTCHSTAINED BARFPUPPET.
13128	CG: I WILL BID YOU ONE FIRST AND FINAL FUCK YOU.
13129	CG: FUCK YOU, JOHN EGBERT.
13130	CG: FUCK YOU AND FUCK THE JOKE BOOK YOU RODE IN ON.
13131	CG: FUCK.
13132	CG: FUCKING.
13133	CG: YOU.
13134	EB: :D
13135	EB: see you soon!
13136	CG: WAIT
13137	CG: WHAT
13138	CURRENT gallowsCalibrator [CGC] RIGHT NOW opened memo on board R41NBOW RUMPUS P4RTYTOWN.
13139	CGC: WH4T DO YOU GUYS TH1NK 4BOUT K4RK4TS N3W PL4N
13140	CGC: TO TROLL TH3S3 K1DS
13141	CGC: P3RSON4LLY 1 TH1NK H3 H4S F1N4LLY SN4PP3D 4ND 1T DO3SNT M4K3 4NY S3NS3
13142	CGC: 1 F1GUR3D M4YB3 W3 COULD T4LK 4BOUT 1T H3R3 1N S3CR3T WH1L3 H3 ST4NDS OV3R TH3R3 M4K1NG H1S BOR1NG 1NSP1R4T1ON4L SP33CH
13143	CGC: 1M PR3TTY SUR3 H3S STOPP3D BOTH3R1NG TO 1NV4D3 P4RTYTOWN, H3 H4S L34RN3D H1S L3SSON >:]
13144	CGC: OBV1OUSLY TH1S 1S JUST FOR US H3R3 1N TH3 PR3S3NT TO R3M4RK ON
13145	CGC: 1F YOU 4R3 FROM TH3 P4ST 4ND 4R3 CUR1OUS 4BOUT TH1S 4ND W4NT TO S4Y SOM3TH1NG YOU W1LL NOT B3 B4NN3D 4S 1S TH3 G3N3R4L RUL3 H3R3
13146	CGC: BUT 1 W1LL POL1T3LY 4SK YOU TO K33P YOUR 1NT3RJ3CT1ONS TO 4 M1N1MUM!
13147	CGC: 1 W1LL H4V3 ORD3R 1N TH1S RUMPUSBLOCK >:D
13148	PAST carcinoGeneticist [PCG] 7 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.
13149	PCG: YOU THINK I STOPPED KEEPING TABS ON YOUR VAPID, SEDITIOUS BULLSHIT???
13150	PCG: THINK A FUCKING GAIN.
13151	CGC banned PCG from responding to memo.
13152	CGC: TH3 TOP1C 1S NOW OP3N FOR 4RGUM3NT4T1ON
13153	CGC: *H3R TYR4NNY Y13LDS TH3 FLOOR W1TH 4 M1GHTY B4NG OF H3R G4V3L*
13154	CGC: B4NG B4NG B4NG!
13155	CGC: THR33 M1GHTY B4NGS
13156	CGC: WH4T DO YOU H4V3 TO SUBM1T ON TH3 SUBJ3CT OF K4RK4TS T3NUOUS GR1P ON TH3 T4TT3R3D R3M41NS OF H1S S4N1TY, COUNS3LOR N3P3T4?
13157	CURRENT arsenicCatnip [CAC] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
13158	CAC: :33 < *the especially impurrtant pouncellor looks really serious and thoughtful as she scoots her chair out from under the official courty looking table and begins to pace around thoughtfurry*
13159	CAC: :33 < *she doesnt understand why
13160	CAC: :33 < i dont understand why we are doing this!
13161	CAC: :33 < what was the point again?
13162	CGC: 3XC3LL3NT QU3ST1ON M1SS POUNC3LLOR
13163	PAST carcinoGeneticist 2 [PCG2] 5 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.
13164	PCG2: ARE YOU FUCKING RETARDED.
13165	PCG2: I CAN PLAINLY SEE YOU ARE GOING TO START WRITING THIS MEMO IN FIVE MINUTES.
13166	PCG2: ALL I HAVE TO DO IS GO MAKE MY "BOR1NG 1NSP1R4T1ON4L SP33CH" AND THEN WALK OVER TO YOUR COMPUTER AND START FUCKING WITH YOU.
13167	PCG2: GO AHEAD, BAN ME ALL YOU WANT.
13168	CGC banned PCG2 from responding to memo.
13169	CGC: *H3R TYR4NNY 3XPR3SS3S D1SD41NFUL Y3T 4UTHOR4T1V3 1NT3R3ST 1N OTH3R OP1N1ONS ON TH3 STUP1D3ST PL4N 3V3R CONC31V3D*
13170	CGC: 4NY THOUGHTS?
13171	CAC: :33 < i dont s33 why karkat has to always be banned from these memos!
13172	CAC: :33 < what if he promises to behave himself?
13173	CGC: W3 H4V3 B33N OV3R TH1S >:[
13174	CAC: :33 < what if i talk to him in the past and told him he could post here as long as he was not purrticularly disagr33able?
13175	CAC: :33 < thats a good idea! brb
13176	CGC: OH GOD!
13177	PAST carcinoGeneticist 3 [PCG3] 10 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.
13178	PCG3: THANK YOU NEPETA, FOR ALERTING ME TO THE PRESENCE OF YET MORE OF THIS TAWDRY ROLEPLAY-INFESTED CLOAK AND DAGGER RUBBISH.
13179	PCG3: HOW VERY INTERESTING.
13180	CGC: *H3R TYR4NNY F4C3 P4LMS 1N 4 R34LLY D1GN1F13D 4ND 1NT1M1D4T1NGLY JUD1C14L M4NN3R*
13181	CGC banned PCG3 from responding to memo.
13182	CGC: *TH3 D1ST1NGU1SH3D POUNC3LLOR R3C31V3S 4 HUNDR3D B1LL1ON RUMPUS D3M3R1TS FOR 1NV1T1NG UNCOUTH R4BBL3 1NTO H3R ORD3RLY BLOCK*
13183	CAC: :33 < :((
13184	CURRENT twinArmageddons [CTA] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
13185	CTA: ii already told KK what ii thought about thii2 awful iidea.
13186	CTA: iit ju2t make2 NO 2en2e, you can count me out.
13187	CTA: you all can troll the2e iincompetent aliien2 all you want, iit won't change anythiing.
13188	CTA: ii'll ju2t be over here waiitiing two diie wiith diigniity, ok well maybe iit'2 two late for that, but ju2t diie ii gue22, and y'all can 2uck iit biitche2.
13189	CGC: TH3 M4G1STR4T3 FROM TH3 D3L1C1OUS 4PPL3B3RRY JUR1SD1CT1ON M4K3S 4N 3XC3LL3NT PO1NT 4BOUT TH3 OV3R4LL SH1TT1N3SS OF TH3 PROPOS1T1ON
13190	CGC: 4ND 4BOUT M4N4G1NG TO B3 4N 3V3N GRUMP13R P41N 1N TH3 4SS TH4N OUR F34RL3SS L34D3R SOM3HOW
13191	CTA: ii don't get why you're RP'iing about thii2, iit doe2n't make 2en2e, you're all out of your fuckiing 2ponge2.
13192	CTA: why don't you ju2t u2e our name2.
13193	CGC: >:O
13194	CGC banned CTA from responding to memo.
13195	CGC unbanned CTA from responding to memo.
13196	CGC: OK SORRY 4BOUT TH4T
13197	CGC: THOLLLLUUUUUUXXXXTHHHH
13198	CGC: TH3R3 4R3 YOU H4PPY
13199	CTA: whatever.
13200	PAST carcinoGeneticist 4 [PCG4] 4 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.
13201	PCG4: YOU BASTARD, IS IT REALLY SO MUCH TO ASK TO TAKE A FEW TOOLS OUT BEHIND THE GRUBSHED.
13202	PCG4: ALL I'M ASKING YOU TO DO IS HASSLE SOME ALIENS, GOD.
13203	PCG4: AFTER ALL THOSE TIMES I SAVED YOUR LIFE YOU THINK YOU COULD DO ME ONE LITTLE SOLID.
13204	CTA: yeah after you got me kiilled iin the fiir2t place.
13205	PCG4: HOW CAN YOU THROW THAT IN MY FACE AGAIN, I THOUGHT WE WERE COOL.
13206	CTA: ii 2aiid whatever.
13207	CGC: UUUGH
13208	CGC banned PCG4 from responding to memo.
13209	CURRENT apocalypseArisen [CAA] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
13210	CAA: i will n0t be participating
13211	CAA ceased responding to memo.
13212	PAST carcinoGeneticist 5 [PCG5] 3 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.
13213	PCG5: OH MY GOD, WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO NOW.
13214	PCG5: THAT'S IT GUYS, THE PLAN IS CANCELED.
13215	PCG5: ARADIA ISN'T GOING TO MOPE AT THESE LOSERS FOR US, THE WHOLE PLAN HINGED ON THAT.
13216	CGC banned PCG5 from responding to memo.
13217	CURRENT cuttlefishCuller [CCC] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
13218	CCC: I still don't quite understand t)(e plan eit)(er.
13219	CCC: I mean, I don't really mind talking to t)(em! It could be fun and t)(ey look interesting.
13220	CCC: But I really don't t)(ink t)(is is all t)(eir fault.
13221	CCC: Can't we say nice t)(ings to t)(em instead of troll t)(em?
13222	CCC: Maybe even )(-ELP t)(em! 38)
13223	PAST carcinoGeneticist 6 [PCG6] 2 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.
13224	PCG6: NO, FUCK.
13225	PCG6: YOU CAN'T BE NICE TO THEM.
13226	PCG6: YOU ARE COMPLETELY MISSING THE GLUBBING POINT, FISH PRINCESS.
13227	CGC banned PCG6 from responding to memo.
13228	PAST carcinoGeneticist 7 [PCG7] 2 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.
13229	PCG7: HEY TEREZI I'M ABOUT TO MAKE THIS AWESOME SPEECH AND INSPIRE THE FUCK OUT OF YOU GUYS.
13230	PCG7: WHEN I'M DONE I'M COMING OVER TO YOUR STATION AND THEN YOUR ASS IS MINE.
13231	PCG7: ENJOY THIS GARBAGE DUMP OF A MEMO WHILE IT LASTS.
13232	CGC: BL444444R >XO
13233	CGC banned PCG7 from responding to memo.
13234	CGC: TH1S 1S WHY W3 C4NT H4V3 N1C3 TH1NGS
13235	CGC: 1M T3MPT3D TO CLOS3 TH1S M3MO NOW >:\
13236	CGC: 1F 4NYON3 H4S 4NYTH1NG TO S4Y S4Y 1T QU1CK!
13237	PAST carcinoGeneticist 8 [PCG8] 2 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.
13238	CGC banned PCG8 from responding to memo.
13239	CGC: NOT YOU
13240	PAST terminallyCapricious [PTC] 420 HOURS AGO responded to memo.
13241	PTC: YeAh iM NoT FoLlOwInG ThIs mOtHeRfUcKiN PlAn uP At aLl
13242	PTC: wHo aRe wE TrOlLiNg
13243	CGC: G4MZ33 TH1S CONV3RS4T1ON 1S T4K1NG PL4C3 W33KS 1N TH3 FUTUR3
13244	CGC: 1T DO3S NOT CONC3RN YOU!
13245	PTC: oH
13246	PTC: WeLl mOtHeR FuCk i gUeSs
13247	CGC: DONT WORRY 4BOUT 1T >:P
13248	CGC: JUST SCROLL 4ROUND 4ND LOOK FOR ON3 OF TH3 RRPT OP3N CH4T M3MOS
13249	PTC: oKaY
13250	PTC: HoNk :o)
13251	CGC: LKSD;GDKNLN
13252	CGC: ASDM SDFSFD9W30
13253	CGC: DFD;
13254	CGC: GH
13255	CGC: EUHFHSDKLNVSDJKLSJKBSDJKF
13256	PTC: wHoA
13257	CGC: K4RK4T IS M4SHING MY K3YBOSDVFDNFLBLGBGSDGFSB['A
13258	CGC: AKJFA
13259	CGC: SEUFHWEUIONDN
13260	CGC: AUIHDF
13261	CGC: SDSAD
13262	CGC: 4444UGH H3 1S SUCH 4 L1TTL3SDKJGBSDJKBG
13263	CGC banned herself from responding to memo.
13264	CGC unbanned herself from responding to memo.
13265	CGC banned herself from responding to memo.
13266	CGC unbanned herself from responding to memo.
13267	CGC banned herself from responding to memo.
13268	CGC unbanned herself from responding to memo.
13269	CGC: FUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!
13270	CURRENT carcinoGeneticist [CCG] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
13271	CCG: OH NOW WHAT'S UP???????????
13272	CGC: GOD D4MM1T H3 LOGG3D ON TO MY COMPURO3IHHGRNVNFSDKS'SD
13273	CGC: 4ND H3S ST1LL M4SH1NG M3!!! >:[
13274	CGC: SDKLFSDK FHS
13275	CGC: YUGUFY
13276	CGC: G3T OFF!!!!!!!!!SFBSDJB
13277	CGC banned herself from responding to memo.
13278	CGC unbanned herself from responding to memo.
13279	CGC banned herself from responding to memo.
13280	CGC unbanned herself from responding to memo.
13281	CCG: WHY ARE YOU BANNING YOURSELF TEREZI????
13282	CCG: PRETTY FUCKING MENTAL IF YOU ASK ME.
13283	CCG: REALLY FUCKED UP OF YOFDIHFNGNJKGLJS
13284	CCG: ASKJSKF89UG
13285	CCG: YDRHHGH
13286	CCG: WEFOWEGWLKNGNIOV
13287	CCG: SDIJS
13288	CCG banned himself from responding to memo.
13289	CCG unbanned himself from responding to memo.
13290	CGC banned CCG from responding to memo.
13291	CCG unbanned himself from responding to memo.
13292	CCG banned CGC from responding to memo.
13293	CGC unbanned herself from responding to memo.
13294	CGC banned herself from responding to memo.
13295	CGC unbanned herself from responding to memo.
13296	CCG banned CGC from responding to memo.
13297	CCG unbanned CGC from responding to memo.
13298	CGC banned CCG from responding to memo.
13299	CGC unbanned CCG from responding to memo.
13300	CCG banned himself from responding to memo.
13301	CGC banned herself from responding to memo.
13302	CGC unbanned herself from responding to memo.
13303	CCG unbanned himself from responding to memo.
13304	CCG: OK QUIT THADJKNFSDK
13305	CCG: FUCK OW GOD DAMFFJKSNFBGB
13306	CCG: OW!!!!! FUCKALKLKDNJJV
13307	CGC: 1 4M GO1NG TO SH4RP3N YOUR STUP1D LOOK1NG NUBBY HORNS 1N YOUR SL33P!!!
13308	CGC: TH3N TH4TS WH4T W1LL B3 UP, BY3 BY3 NUBS
13309	CCG: WHY DON'T YOU JUST FILE THEM ALL THE WAY DOWN.
13310	CCG: SINCE YOU'RE RUNNING OUT OF WAYS TO EMASCULATE ME IN FRONT OF MY TEAM.
13311	CGC: W1LL YOU G1V3 YOUR BOR1NG L34D3R COMPL3X 4 R3ST FOR ONC3
13312	CGC: 1TS G3TT1NG SO OLD!
13313	CURRENT arachnidsGrip [CAG] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
13314	CAG: Hahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!
13315	CAG: You are 8oth ridiculous.
13316	CCG: HEY VRISKA, YOU'RE DOWN WITH MY TROLLING PLAN.
13317	CCG: WHY DON'T YOU TELL EVERYONE IN RAINBOW ASSGRAB JUNCTION WHAT A GREAT IDEA IT IS.
13318	CAG: I'm 8usy.
13319	CCG: WHAT THE FUCK COULD YOU BE BUSY WITH???
13320	CAG: I'm making my own plans! I'm a pretty 8ig deal, remem8er Karkat?
13321	CGC: 1T LOOKS L1K3 YOU FORGOT HOW M4NY 1RONS SH3 H4S 1N TH3 F1R3
13322	CAG: Exactly!
13323	CCG: WHAT IS SO HARD ABOUT GOING ALONG WITH MY SIMPLE PLAN TO SERVE A FEW PINK SKINNED DOUCHE BAGS A PIPING HOT NUTRITION PLATEAU FULL OF FUCK YOU.
13324	CGC: M4YB3 W3 W1LL BUT W3 4LL JUST K1ND OF W4NT TO DO OUR OWN TH1NG!
13325	CCG: THERE IS A WORD FOR THAT, IT IS CALLED GROSS INSUBORDINATION.
13326	CGC: TH4TS TWO WORDS R3T4RD >:P
13327	CAG: Do you guys realize you are sharing a key8oard and taking turns to argue with each other?
13328	CAG: That is kind of cute. ::::)
13329	CTA: yeah ii hate to 2ay iit, but iit really 2ort of ii2.
13330	CCG: OK FUCK THIS.
13331	CCG: EVERYONE IS OFFICIALLY BANNED FROM THIS TRAIN WRECK.
13332	CCG banned CAG from responding to memo.
13333	CCG banned PTC from responding to memo.
13334	CCG banned CCC from responding to memo.
13335	CCG banned CAA from responding to memo.
13336	CCG banned CTA from responding to memo.
13337	CCG banned CAC from responding to memo.
13338	CCG banned CGC from responding to memo.
13339	CCG unbanned CGC from responding to memo.
13340	CCG: YOU C4N'T B4N M3 FROM MY OWN M3MO!
13341	CCG: WHOOPS >:[
13342	CGC: YOU C4N'T B4N M3 FROM MY OWN M3MO!
13343	CGC: LOOKS LIKE I JUST DID.
13344	CGC: SHIT. D:B
13345	CCG: LOOKS LIKE I JUST DID.
13346	CGC: F1N3 1 W1LL JUST SHUT TH3 M3MO DOWN
13347	CGC: SO YOU W1LL G3T TH3 H3LL OUT OF H3R3!
13348	CCG: FINE, I'M GONE.
13349	CCG banned himself from responding to memo.
13350	CGC: UUUUUUUUUUUGH
13351	FUTURE gallowsCalibrator [FGC] 6:12 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.
13352	FGC: H3Y!
13353	CGC: OH H3Y!
13354	FGC: 1 JUST THOUGHT 1 WOULD 4DD ON3 L4ST R3M4RK TO TH1S S1LL1N3SS
13355	FGC: 4 R3M4RK OF R34SSUR4NC3!
13356	CGC: OHH >:?
13357	FGC: Y3S, YOU SHOULD TROLL TH3 HUM4NS
13358	FGC: 1T W1LL B3 FUN >:]
13359	CGC: W3LL, W3 BOTH KNOW TH4T 1 W4S PL4NN1NG TO 4NYW4Y
13360	FGC: OF COURS3! 1 TRUST YOUR JUDGM3NT ON TH3 M4TT3R
13361	FGC: JUST H3R3 TO S4Y YOU WONT R3GR3T 1T
13362	CGC: TH4T 1S N1C3 TO KNOW!
13363	CGC: 1 TRUST YOUR JUDGM3NT 4S W3LL
13364	FGC: Y3S!
13365	FGC: 4NOTH3R TR1UMPH OF SOUND JUDGM3NT 4ND GOOD T1M3S FOR T34M PYROP3 4ND TH3 LOY4L SUBSCR1B3RS OF R41NBOW RUMPUS P4RTYTOWN
13366	CGC: HOOR4Y! >:D
13367	FUTURE carcinoGeneticist [FCG] 6:12 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.
13368	FCG: I'M GOING TO BE FUCKING SICK.
13369	CGC banned FCG from responding to memo.
13370	CGC closed memo.
13371	~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
13372	It is no use. It seems your abilities cannot cross between sessions. Or cannot influence his species. Or both.
13373	Or MAYBE you just aren't TRYING HARD ENOUGH.
13374	You wonder what this goofball is dreaming about. Too bad these stupid viewports can't see into dreams. This software SUCKS!!!!!!!!
13375	AG: Joooooooo
13376	AG: oooooooo
13377	AG: oooooooo
13378	AG: oooooooo
13379	AG: oooooooo
13380	AG: oooooooo
13381	AG: oooooooo
13382	AG: oooooooohn!
13383	AG: W8ke up!!!!!!!!
13384	EB: heheh. i am pronouncing that like a really long "june".
13385	EB: that is so many o's.
13386	AG: It is 8ight groups of 8ight. I specifically counted them.
13387	AG: It's sort of a thing I do.
13388	EB: you typed my name in 64 bit.
13389	AG: Wow. What a nerd!
13390	EB: have i talked to you before?
13391	AG: Um, possi8ly? This is the first time I have contacted you that I am aware of.
13392	EB: i'm pretty sure i remember you. you hassled me a long time ago.
13393	EB: i think you threatened to kill me at some point.
13394	AG: John, give me a 8r8k! That was o8viously just my way of getting to know you.
13395	AG: Or it will 8e, whenever I get around to it.
13396	EB: well, yeah, i know that about you guys by now.
13397	EB: but also i know that it is probably not exactly an empty threat!
13398	EB: since one of you already managed to trick me into getting myself killed.
13399	EB: well, in another timeline at least.
13400	AG: Man.
13401	AG: That was pro8a8ly Terezi! I should have known she would pull something like that. What a meddler.
13402	EB: terezi?
13403	AG: Yes. The pesky 8lind troll who licks her monitor and smells words and stuff. The one who got you killed. I'm sure of it!
13404	EB: huh. it never really occurred to me to ask what your names are.
13405	EB: kinda rude of me!
13406	EB: what is yours?
13407	AG: Marquise Spinneret Mindfang. ::::)
13408	EB: man, that sounds so made up!
13409	EB: but if you say so, marquise.
13410	AG: Spinneret! Marquise is a title, stupid.
13411	EB: oh, ok.
13412	AG: And you don't have to worry a8out me manipul8ting you to your death!
13413	AG: It is completely 8eneath me. Unlike her, I plan on taking the high road.
13414	AG: You see John, you and I actually have some things in common, 8ut you couldn't possi8ly understand why yet.
13415	AG: So I'm planning on helping you!
13416	EB: ok, i will be sure to let my guard down.
13417	EB: psyche!!!!!!!!!
13418	EB: oh damn, that was 9 !'s.
13419	EB: !!!!!!!1
13420	EB: shit!
13421	EB: never mind.
13422	AG: Hahahahahahahaha.
13423	EB: anyway, nice meeting you spinneret.
13424	EB: if you don't mind, i would like to try to go back to sleep.
13425	EB: i was dreaming about something important.
13426	AG: You can't sleep now, John!
13427	AG: What a8out J8de????????
13428	EB: oh god, i forgot!
13429	EB: poor jade... :(
13430	EB: i hope she is alright.
13431	AG: She's fine. I can see her right now!
13432	AG: 8ut she will not 8e for long if you don't get her into your session.
13433	EB: yeah, you're right.
13434	EB: i have to hurry and go save her!
13435	EB: see ya!
13436	AG: Wait!!!!!!!!
13437	AG: Where the hell do you think you're going to go? You don't even have your copy of the game yet!
13438	EB: oh yeah...
13439	EB: duh, stupid stupid dumb.
13440	EB: do you know where i am supposed to get it?
13441	AG: Easy! Just w8 around for a few minutes.
13442	EB: hmm...
13443	EB: ok?
13444	AG: See, John? You need me to advance.
13445	AG: Even though you were going to do this stuff anyway, it turns out I am the reason you were going to do it anyway in the first place!
13446	AG: Your timeline is my we8, and suddenly you are all tangled up in it, wriggling and helpless.
13447	AG: Isn't that cooooooool????????
13448	EB: meh.
13449	EB: so, you seem to like 8's a whole bunch, and i guess you are like, kind of spidery themed or something?
13450	AG: Yeah!
13451	EB: haha, spiders are gross!
13452	AG: Fuck you!!!!!!!!
13453	You got the server copy of the SBURB BETA!
13454	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/yeah!!!!!!!!.gif" border="0" />
13455	Everyone is dead.
13456	Everyone except you.
13457	Your RAG OF SOULS begins to soak in the BLOOD OF THE FALLEN. You suppose it could be poetic?
13458	No, instead you think it is just sad.
13459	You were very foolish to believe you could be a leader of men. Look at what bearing that flag has wrought.
13460	Perhaps one day you will find something new to bear. A burden befitting of the peasant you truly are.
13461	Oh my what's that shiny thing in the water.
13462	EB: jade is not answering!
13463	EB: are you sure she's ok?
13464	AG: She's asleep!
13465	AG: She sure seems to sleep a lot. She sort of reminds me of my goo8er teamm8.
13466	AG: He napped through most of the adventure, and was practically useless.
13467	EB: oh...
13468	EB: you mean carcino geneticist?
13469	AG: Hahahaha, no way! Karkat is so up tight, he hardly slept a wink over the whole 600 hour span of our quest.
13470	AG: He didn't even wake up on the moon until AFTER we won the game, hahahahahahahaha.
13471	AG: What a loser.
13472	EB: heheh. car cat. that is how i am saying that.
13473	EB: beep beep, meow!
13474	EB: i will have to remember to give him a hard time about that.
13475	AG: John, you are pretty weird! I can see why you would piss him off so much.
13476	EB: it is really not hard to do that.
13477	AG: Tell me a8out it!
13478	AG: Speaking of telling me a8out things...
13479	AG: Why don't you tell me what you were just dreaming a8out that was so important, fellow Prospit dreamer????????
13480	AG: Prospit is the 8est. Derse is where all the rejects hang out. Am I right?
13481	EB: i never even saw prospit.
13482	EB: aside from flaming bits and pieces of it i guess.
13483	EB: something happened, and it blew up, and dream jade died, and then i was wandering around this place that was like a chess board with a huge crater in it, with loads of dead black and white guys everywhere.
13484	AG: Yes, I know all that! That place is the 8attlefield, which is where your dream self lives now. You will appear there any time you go to sleep.
13485	AG: Prospit dreamers are supposed to end up there eventually. If they're any good, that is. ::::)
13486	AG: 8ut you got there so much sooner. Normally a dreamer's journey to the 8attlefield will not 8e so spectacularly sudden and violent. Meteoric, if you will!
13487	EB: oh, huh.
13488	AG: 8ut you didn't answer my question! What was so important that you wanted to go 8ack to sleep again for?
13489	EB: my dad was there.
13490	AG: What's that?
13491	EB: um, you know...
13492	EB: my guardian?
13493	AG: Oh, you mean the adult male human who lived in your hive?
13494	EB: yes. if by hive you mean house.
13495	AG: Haha, I was wondering a8out that. I was like, what the hell is this guy doing in this kid's hive? Where is his lusus? Is he an orphan contending with some sort of meddlesome grownup squatter????????
13496	EB: um...
13497	EB: these observations are very alien of you.
13498	EB: but that's pretty cool i guess, seeing as you are an alien.
13499	AG: Yes, I just chalked it up as generic alien weirdness and didn't think too much a8out it. Just another series of strange exhi8its from an inferior civiliz8tion.
13500	EB: the funny thing is, he is not even really my dad.
13501	EB: i mean, i was adopted by him, although we are not actually unrelated, i think.
13502	EB: he is the son of my grandmother, who isn't really my grandmother...
13503	EB: nanna is sort of like my biological mother, and my biological father would be jade's grandpa, sorta.
13504	EB: both of which i just created, with slime and stuff, and sent back in time as babies.
13505	EB: so i guess, if anything, that makes my dad...
13506	EB: my half brother???
13507	AG: ::::\
13508	EB: tell me about it!
13509	AG: W8! 8efore you wander too far off course like a doofus, you need to know how to get to a return node!
13510	AG: So you can get 8ack to your computer. Here, hang on, I am making you a map.
13511	EB: but i know where i'm going!
13512	EB: terezi already made me a map.
13513	AG: What!!!!!!!!
13514	EB: first she made a really crappy one, then a really nice one that works kind of like google.
13515	EB: she started helping me after she tried to kill me.
13516	AG: Ugh. She is still trying to one up me I see. Even preempting my awesome helpfulness!
13517	AG: When did she do that? I mean from my perspective? Do you think she already did it, or hasn't done it yet?
13518	EB: wow, how could i possibly know that!
13519	AG: I don't know. Forget it.
13520	AG: I will show her though. I will show her the meaning of helpfulness.
13521	AG: I will help this little human nerd under the ta8le. The very same ta8le you dined at, while I w8ted on you prong and fucking nu8.
13522	EB: you mean like a candle light hate date?
13523	AG: God, no!!!!!!!! With a human? Gross.
13524	EB: oh...
13525	EB: well then, thanks, i guess?
13526	EB: why do you want to be so helpful, anyway?
13527	EB: i mean, with her i got the sense she was being kind of jokestery about it, which is something i can understand.
13528	EB: but why bother helping, if we aren't going to win anyway?
13529	AG: You won't win? Says who?????????
13530	EB: you guys.
13531	EB: it is practically all you ever say.
13532	AG: Well, ok yes, you are screwed. And so are we.
13533	AG: 8ut so what!
13534	AG: Just 8ecause you are going to fail doesn't mean it won't 8e any fun along the way!
13535	AG: 8y the looks of things, you have a very exciting 24 hours ahead of you.
13536	AG: It'll 8e one hell of a reckoning!
13537	EB: that is nice to know.
13538	AG: Yes, and 8esides. Continuing on this path and 8ringing Jade into the game I think you will agree is very important!
13539	AG: And not just 8ecause she is your friend and you would 8e kind of upset if she died.
13540	AG: Again.
13541	EB: yes, i think i would be.
13542	EB: but why else?
13543	AG: 8ecause you need to complete your prototyping chain!
13544	AG: Only when all players have entered with a prototyped kernel does the 8attlefield assume its final form.
13545	AG: That form prepares Skaia to grow the new universe you will cre8te.
13546	AG: Or in this case, fail to cre8te. 8ut whatever!
13547	AG: That is no reason to deter you from completing worthwhile game o8jectives.
13548	EB: we are supposed to create a universe?
13549	AG: Yeah! You didn't realize that yet?
13550	EB: no!
13551	AG: 8oy. How clueless can you get.
13552	EB: why are we supposed to do that?
13553	AG: What a stupid question! It is the point of the game. It's what happens when you win, and winning is the only point of anything.
13554	EB: oh. that's true, i guess.
13555	AG: Anyway, you should 8e glad it's the point. And you should 8e glad your predecessors were not such a sad sack group of players like you guys.
13556	AG: Otherwise your universe would not exist, seeing as we cre8ted it 8y 8eing incredi8le in every way.
13557	EB: you did?
13558	AG: Yep. You're welcome. ::::D
13559	EB: hmm...
13560	EB: i don't know what to think about that.
13561	AG: Not knowing what to think a8out things appears to 8e your specialty!
13562	EB: hurrrrr oh man what a burn!
13563	EB: (j/k it was actually lame.)
13564	AG: ::::P
13565	EB: well to be honest, i never really believed any of your guys's doom and gloom nonsense.
13566	EB: not because i think you are lying...
13567	EB: i just feel like there must still be a way to win!
13568	AG: That's the spirit, John!
13569	AG: That is a winner's attitude, and there is always hope for someone who has that.
13570	EB: yes, i agree.
13571	EB: also, there is always hope for someone who has good friends to count on!
13572	AG: Pff.
13573	AG: Laaaaaaaame.
13574	IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIMPS!
13575	That is IT.
13576	EVERYBODY OUT.
13577	You are DEAD SERIOUS.
13578	Look at this mess.
13579	Will you just LOOK at this slightly bigger mess than usual.
13580	They chucked it out the window. Little oily bastards. You'll have to get your hands on a new one somehow.
13581	This is just insult to injury. You almost want to cry.
13582	Just look at that face.
13583	A sad face. A forlorn face.
13584	AG: John, why are you standing around wasting time????????
13585	EB: um, i don't know. you can see my future, can't you?
13586	EB: how much time am i wasting?
13587	AG: Enough to make me wonder what the hell your deal is!
13588	EB: then i would venture to guess i am wasting time because you chose to pester me just now!
13589	AG: Dammit, John.
13590	AG: Stop sounding smarter than me. It is un8ecoming of someone so inferior.
13591	EB: i mean, i was just pausing for a moment...
13592	EB: to look at my trashed movie posters.
13593	EB: they bring back memories, of a life that i guess is long gone now.
13594	EB: but you probably know what that is all about.
13595	AG: Yeah, I know.
13596	EB: it wasn't even that long ago, but it already seems like forever since i was on earth!
13597	EB: it was a pretty nice place, i bet you would have liked it.
13598	AG: It seems a little too sunny for my liking.
13599	EB: well, what about you? do you miss your planet, and your parents and such?
13600	AG: The life I left 8ehind wasn't so hot, to 8e honest.
13601	EB: oh. that's too bad.
13602	AG: Why don't we not talk a8out that!
13603	AG: What are these movies, anyway? They look just awful.
13604	EB: but you see, that is where you are wrong. these films are the finest earth has to offer!
13605	AG: Are they a8out clowns?
13606	EB: no, no. i drew those clowns in my sleep, for some reason.
13607	AG: ::::|
13608	EB: this one here is so great. it is about this street tough renegade who did hard time behind bars, and wants nothing more in the world than to reunite with his loving wife and daughter. but not so fast! he has to go on crazy and dangerous escapades through the sky with a motley assortment of rogues led by john malkovich, who is wise to cage's heroic nature and pure heart. they tether a grumpy police man's awesome car to the plane and smash it, and then later they crash into some casinos. cage gets out of the wreckage and hugs his family, and i usually tear up a little.
13609	EB: that is my working troll title for the movie, i hope it was ok.
13610	AG: John, even though your title is quite amusing and pro8a8ly kind of cute, that movie sounds hilariously 8ad!
13611	EB: yeah, well you are hilariously WRONG!
13612	EB: here, hang on, i will show you.
13613	EB: http://tinyurl.com/hullohumminburr
13614	EB: oh, but you will probably have to use your troll thingy to rewind time or whatever, to before the earth internet blew up so you can watch it.
13615	AG: Is this like the Earth equivalent of Gru8tu8e or something?
13616	EB: i guess??
13617	AG: Man. I am not watching this shitty video. It looks so 8ad!
13618	EB: ok, suit yourself.
13619	EB: but there it is, in case you are ever hankering after some incredible movie magic.
13620	AG: Ok, I will 8e sure 8ookmark it and la8el it "dum8 kid's retarded nonsense."
13621	EB: ok, good idea.
13622	AG: 8y the way! Why aren't you using your computer glasses to talk suddenly????????
13623	AG: This device seems less efficient, and doesn't look as cool!
13624	EB: oh, the goggles are cool and all, but they kind of restrict my vision stupidly when i'm using them!
13625	EB: i should remember to make a new hands-free device, that is less obtrusive.
13626	EB: maybe after i make a new computer so i can install this game.
13627	AG: How will you duplic8 it? Isn't it smashed out there on your lawnring?
13628	EB: yeah, but i can use one of my old previously punched cards.
13629	AG: Oh, gr8.
13630	AG: Uh........
13631	AG: John?
13632	EB: what?
13633	AG: Ok, I will slide you a 8r8k 8ecause clearly your 8lock was just ransacked.
13634	AG: 8ut may8e you want to put that away? Somewhere discreet, where you usually keep it?
13635	AG: There is at least one girl spying on you right now, you know.
13636	EB: put what away? what are you talking about?
13637	AG: Your pail is showing, stupid!!!!!!!!
13638	EB: my pail?
13639	EB: you mean this bucket here?
13640	AG: Yes! Come on, will you take a hint and show some decorum????????
13641	EB: umm...
13642	EB: i'm really not following. what do you have against buckets?
13643	AG: Man! Nothing, really. It's just........
13644	AG: Ok, may8e humans don't really have any sense of shame over this sort of thing?
13645	EB: shame over what?
13646	EB: it's just a bucket! you know, for putting soapy water in and cleaning stuff with.
13647	EB: why, what do trolls use them for?
13648	AG: Oh.
13649	AG: Haha, yeah, of course!
13650	AG: That's what I was talking a8out. Your cleaning 8ucket.
13651	AG: In troll culture we consider cleaning products to 8e really indecent or something!
13652	AG: I am 8lushing furiously a8out it right now. Please try to 8e sensitive to my cultural ways and understandings.
13653	EB: wow... uh. that is definitely pretty odd.
13654	EB: but ok, i'm sorry you saw my bucket. i will just chuck it out the window i guess.
13655	AG: Thank you, John. That is very gentlemanly of you.
13656	AG: Now will you quit shitting around and get on with it!!!!!!!! God.
13657	EB: well i was GOING to but you started babbling at me!
13658	EB: jeez, spinneret.
13659	AG: That isn't my real name, you dope!
13660	EB: ok, then what is it!
13661	AG: I ain't telling you that!
13662	AG: It's a sekret. :::;)
13663	EB: *ROLLS EYES*
13664	EB: all eight gross spidery eyes!
13665	EB: oops i mean !x8.
13666	AG: You don't even need to say that. I can see you rolling your eyes, remem8er?
13667	EB: oh yeah.
13668	What a surprise, more lousy imps having their way with the place. You wonder where nanna could be. Someone needs to get this motley assortment of rogues under control.
13669	Now what in the hell is going on over there??
13670	Oh no, more embarrassing cleaning apparatus. You've got to hide it before Sekret Spinneret or whatever her name is sees it and gets upset.
13671	GET THAT SHIT OUTTA HERE!!!
13672	Being culturally sensitive is really hard work.
13673	It looks like someone's server player has been busy.
13674	EB: hey rose!
13675	TT: Hi.
13676	EB: how are you doing? i don't even remember the last time we talked.
13677	EB: i have been so busy.
13678	EB: and it looks like you have been too.
13679	EB: i mean, hopy shit!
13680	EB: my house is HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE!
13681	TT: Actually, building up your house has been one of the more trivial ways I've passed the time.
13682	TT: Great swaths of the structure may be copied and pasted with little architectural consideration.
13683	TT: I've only bothered to do so while in contemplation.
13684	TT: It's relaxing.
13685	EB: oh.
13686	EB: well, it must have cost a fortune!
13687	TT: We have a lot of grist.
13688	EB: how much?
13689	TT: I don't recall any hard figures off hand.
13690	TT: Last I checked, more than a million units of several different types.
13691	TT: Torrented between the three of us.
13692	EB: torrented?
13693	TT: Shared, through an application.
13694	TT: I unlocked the disc from your registry, and deployed it.
13695	TT: I convinced your nanna to install it on your computer.
13696	TT: Before an imp threw it out the window, that is.
13697	EB: you got her to do that? but she's an old lady! also, a ghost.
13698	TT: My methods of persuasion have been improving.
13699	EB: also, she is really tricky, and plays lots of pranks.
13700	EB: did she try to prank you?
13701	TT: No.
13702	EB: huh.
13703	EB: i guess you enjoyed the prankster's gambit on that exchange then.
13704	TT: ?
13705	EB: oh yeah...
13706	EB: what's up with the alchemiter?
13707	EB: it looks weird.
13708	TT: Upgrades.
13709	EB: did you get nanna to do that too?
13710	TT: No, your consorts were utilized for that.
13711	EB: the salamanders??
13712	TT: Yes. They seem eager to receive simple instruction.
13713	TT: I'm guessing they find their way back to your house to allow the client player to remain productive while the server player is away.
13714	EB: they aren't very smart...
13715	TT: No, they aren't.
13716	EB: i'm surprised they even understand what to do.
13717	TT: Like I said.
13718	TT: Coercion hasn't been much of a problem.
13719	EB: yeah...
13720	EB: uh...
13721	EB: what exactly does that mean?
13722	EB: what have you been doing this whole time???
13723	TT: Why don't you tell me what you've been up to first?
13724	TT: I've been curious, but too preoccupied to inquire.
13725	EB: well,
13726	EB: i have been talking to a lot of trolls, for one thing.
13727	EB: they sure are a talkative bunch!
13728	TT: I've noticed.
13729	EB: and then i cloned some slime babies in the veil.
13730	TT: Did you?
13731	EB: yes. um...
13732	EB: ok, long story short is, jade is my slime clone sister, and dave is your slime clone brother, and we were all born today!
13733	TT: Yes.
13734	EB: yes?
13735	TT: I figured that out.
13736	EB: oh.
13737	TT: Anything else?
13738	EB: umm...
13739	EB: then i fell asleep, and woke up on the battlefield.
13740	EB: oh!
13741	EB: rose, i am fairly sure i saw your mom!
13742	TT: You did?
13743	TT: Are you sure it was her?
13744	EB: well, it was a nice and proper looking lady, with a pink scarf, so...
13745	EB: i dunno, who else would that be!
13746	TT: That was likely her.
13747	TT: How was she?
13748	EB: fine, i guess...
13749	EB: she was with my dad.
13750	TT: That's interesting.
13751	EB: yeah!
13752	TT: Did she seem happy?
13753	EB: happy?
13754	EB: wow, i dunno.
13755	EB: i don't really know her well enough to say, i guess?
13756	EB: plus, i was a little distracted.
13757	EB: maybe i will find out next time i go to sleep.
13758	TT: Fair enough.
13759	EB: now stop being so spookily mysterious and tell me what you've been doing!
13760	TT: Investigating, mostly.
13761	EB: investigating what?
13762	TT: Everything there is to investigate.
13763	TT: Information hidden in the lore of our lands, concealed in ruins and riddles.
13764	TT: I'm looking for whatever there is to discover about the game, and more importantly, whatever exceeds its boundaries.
13765	TT: The cloaked traces of myth beyond its scope.
13766	EB: its scope?
13767	EB: oh, rose, did you know that we are supposed to be creating a universe with this game?
13768	TT: Yes.
13769	EB: i think that's pretty neat!
13770	TT: It is, in principle.
13771	TT: But it won't happen.
13772	EB: so you believe the trolls then?
13773	TT: It's not a matter of believing them.
13774	TT: The writing is on the wall. Literally.
13775	EB: it is?
13776	TT: This session was never meant to bear fruit.
13777	TT: It's barren, so to speak.
13778	EB: that's a bit of a bummer!
13779	EB: i am still skeptical about that, though.
13780	TT: That's why you're our leader, John.
13781	EB: huh?
13782	TT: Optimism through stalwart skepticism is a defect not everyone is lucky enough to be cursed with.
13783	EB: that's stupid.
13784	EB: i'm not your leader, i am your FRIEND, there is a BIG difference!
13785	TT: Statements like that are also why you're our leader.
13786	EB: pff.
13787	EB: laaaaaaaame.
13788	TT: Yes, kind of.
13789	EB: so, if you're sure that we are going to fail...
13790	EB: what is the point of everything we're doing?
13791	TT: Simple.
13792	TT: The objective is no longer to win.
13793	EB: um...
13794	EB: i mean, what are we actually shooting for here?
13795	TT: To do as much damage to the game as possible.
13796	TT: To rip its stitches and pry answers from the seams.
13797	TT: We will snatch purpose from the jaws of futility.
13798	TT: Are you ready to wreak some havoc, John?
13799	EB: i suddenly don't understand anything.
13800	Salamancer.
13801	Wand, please.
13802	Thank you, Viceroy.
13803	It's way more dramatic relying on a familiar than a boring old sylladex.
13804	GA: Okay This Will Probably Strike You As An Odd Moment For Me To Mention This
13805	GA: But Actually
13806	GA: There Are Not Many Moments Ive Observed On Your Timeline Which Wouldnt Qualify As Odd
13807	GA: And Somehow
13808	GA: Your Idle Moments Seem To Invite Interruption The Least
13809	GA: And This Is A Difficult Topic For Me To Broach
13810	GA: For Reasons That You Probably Wont Understand
13811	TT: You're rambling again, Kanaya.
13812	GA: Okay Sorry
13813	GA: Ive Just Been Meaning To Say
13814	GA: That I Read Your Instructional Guide
13815	You are suddenly the troll girl.
13816	In a different game session.
13817	In the past.
13818	GA: Your Speech Was Really
13819	GA: Emotional
13820	CG: OK I DEFINITELY DON'T NEED YOU BUSTING MY BULGE ABOUT THE SPEECH NOW.
13821	CG: I'VE TAKEN ENOUGH SHIT. I GOT A LITTLE WORKED UP OK?
13822	CG: AND IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY, WHY DON'T YOU COME SAY IT TO MY FACE.
13823	CG: I'M FED UP WITH THESE BACK DOOR NOOKBITING SHENANIGANS.
13824	GA: I Dont Mean To Critique Your Speech
13825	GA: I Just Wanted To Ask You Something In Confidence
13826	GA: About The Humans
13827	CG: OK, WHAT IS IT?
13828	GA: Are You Sure Theyre Responsible For Our Misfortune
13829	CG: YES. THERE IS NO DOUBT ABOUT IT.
13830	GA: Was It On Account Of Malice Or Incompetence
13831	CG: I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE BOTH?
13832	CG: WHY DOES IT MATTER.
13833	GA: It Sort Of Does
13834	GA: Im Not Even That Sure Why
13835	GA: This Is A Difficult Topic For Me To Broach
13836	GA: For Reasons That You Probably Wont Understand
13837	CG: GOD DAMMIT.
13838	CG: NO MORE MYSTERIES, PLEASE.
13839	CG: YOU'D THINK WE'D HAD OUR FILL OF THEM BY NOW.
13840	CG: IF I HAVE TO SOLVE ONE MORE RIDDLE, I'M GOING TO...
13841	CG: I DON'T KNOW.
13842	GA: Will Your Response Involve An Athletic Maneuver Of Some Sort
13843	CG: NO
13844	CG: ABSOLUTELY NOT.
13845	CG: I WILL JUST GO OVER THERE AND WEEP GENTLY IN THE HORN PILE.
13846	CG: SERIOUSLY, WHAT IS THIS ABOUT?
13847	GA: Um
13848	CG: WHAT I CAN TELL YOU IS
13849	CG: THEY ARE ALL LUDICROUSLY INCOMPETENT.
13850	CG: SOFT, PINK FRAGILE THINGS WHO DO NOTHING BUT WASTE TIME.
13851	CG: THEY DON'T EVEN HAVE HORNS!
13852	GA: What
13853	GA: Really
13854	CG: YEAH, I WAS LIKE, WHOA DID THEY GET FILED DOWN OR SOMETHING
13855	CG: BUT NO IT TURNS OUT THAT'S JUST HOW THEY ARE.
13856	GA: Weird
13857	CG: THEY'RE A MISERABLE POINTLESS CROP OF LIFEFORMS FROM A MEANINGLESS BORING PUSTULE OF A PLANET.
13858	CG: IT'S INFURIATING THEY WERE SOMEHOW ALLOWED TO HAVE ANY INFLUENCE OVER US.
13859	GA: It Is Pretty Disheartening
13860	GA: But
13861	GA: You Are Absolutely Sure They Are All Failures
13862	GA: And That They Have No Chance Of Succeeding
13863	CG: YEP.
13864	CG: IT'S ALL RIGHT HERE.
13865	GA: Im Not Sure Which Depresses Me More
13866	GA: The Sabotage Of Our Session Or The Futility Of Theirs
13867	CG: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT.
13868	CG: YOU'RE BEING REALLY WEIRD ABOUT THIS.
13869	GA: Well I Havent Asked What I Wanted To Ask
13870	CG: THEN ASK!!!
13871	GA: Its About TentacleTherapist
13872	CG: YEAH. THAT'S THE ROSE HUMAN.
13873	CG: SHE'S APPARENTLY PRETTY SARCASTIC.
13874	CG: IT'S IN MY NOTES.
13875	GA: You Have Notes On Them
13876	CG: YES.
13877	GA: I Guess
13878	GA: Thats Why Youre Our Leader Karkat
13879	CG: NO, I'M YOUR LEADER BECAUSE OF MY INCREDIBLE TACTICAL SKILLS AND MY ABILITY TO MOBILIZE AND MOTIVATE A BUNCH OF USELESS PEOPLE TOWARD A COMMON GOAL, AND BECAUSE I'M EXTREMELY AMBITIOUS AND INTREPID. ALSO BECAUSE LEADERSHIP IS IN MY BLOOD. WE'VE BEEN OVER THIS.
13880	GA: Statements Like That Are Also Why Youre Our Leader
13881	CG: OK, I'LL ACCEPT THAT.
13882	GA: Have You Talked To Her
13883	CG: WHO
13884	GA: The Rose Human
13885	GA: Also
13886	GA: Do We Really Have To Say Things Like The Rose Human
13887	CG: OF COURSE WE DO.
13888	CG: IT SOUNDS SUITABLY DISDAINFUL.
13889	CG: I MEAN, IF A BUNCH OF ALIENS STARTED HASSLING YOU, YOU WOULD EXPECT THEM TO ACT REALLY HIGH AND MIGHTY, AND SUPERIOR IN EVERY WAY, RIGHT?.
13890	CG: WHICH WE ARE, OF COURSE.
13891	GA: Uh Okay
13892	CG: AND NO, I HAVEN'T TALKED TO HER.
13893	CG: I WILL PROBABLY STEER CLEAR OF HER FOR THE MOST PART.
13894	CG: I HAVE MY SIGHTS SET ON THE JOHN HUMAN, AND PROBABLY ALSO THE JADE HUMAN, SHE'S A HUGE CULPRIT TOO.
13895	GA: It Just
13896	GA: Feels Really Silly When We Say Things Like The John Human In Confidence Amongst Ourselves
13897	CG: WE HAVE TO COMMIT TO THIS. STAY IN CHARACTER, YOU KNOW?
13898	CG: REMEMBER THE SPEECH.
13899	GA: The Speech Has Become Emblazoned On My Think Pan
13900	GA: Virtually Ensconced In The Fold Of My Personal Mythology
13901	CG: DID YOU WANT TO TROLL HER? ARE YOU VOLUNTEERING?
13902	CG: BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE GREAT, I'D REALLY APPRECIATE THAT.
13903	GA: I Dont Know
13904	GA: Im Not Sure If Ive Got It In Me Right Now
13905	CG: COME ON. YOU'LL BE GREAT AT IT.
13906	CG: PLEASE JUST DO THIS ONE THING FOR ME. WE'VE GOT TO STAY COORDINATED ON THIS.
13907	CG: TOO MANY OF THESE FUCKS ARE GOING ROGUE.
13908	CG: LIKE WHAT ARE WE EVEN DOING.
13909	GA: Fine
13910	CG: GREAT! THANKS KANAYA.
13911	CG: I'LL EXPECT A FULL REPORT SOON.
13912	GA: A Report About What
13913	CG: LIKE
13914	CG: HOW HASSLED YOU GOT HER TO BE
13915	CG: BUT LESS STUPID SOUNDING THAN THAT.
13916	GA: Is There A Metric For That Concept
13917	CG: NO
13918	CG: WELL THERE COULD BE
13919	CG: WE CAN GAUGE YOUR RESULTS WITH THE "FLIGHTY BROADS AND THEIR SNARKY HORSESHITOMETER".
13920	GA: That Seems Just As Disparaging To Me As It Is To Her
13921	CG: YEAH WELL
13922	CG: USE IT AS MOTIVATION
13923	CG: I GOTTA GET CRACKING HERE, LATER.
13924	You begin trolling the Rose human, even though you aren't really feeling this at all.
13925	You can't seem to figure out how to get the viewport feature to work. You muddle through the FIRST CONVERSATION blind.
13926	She does not prove to be the intellectual adversary you anticipated. But this is no longer all that surprising, now knowing the true fate of her team.
13927	Nethertheless, you manage to find yourself vehemently fondling the short end of the antagonism stick. The FLIGHTY BROADS AND THEIR SNARKY HORSESHITOMETER ticks a few notches in her favor. Your aggravation and curiosity are simultaneously piqued. You wish you could get a look at her.
13928	There she is.
13929	How underwhelming. No horns. Skin as white as a ghost! You wonder how she manages to look in a mirror without falling asleep.
13930	You resume your stance of alien complacency. The SNARKY HORSESHITOMETER ticks back in your favor.
13931	You continue to spy on the Rose human. What's that nonsense she wrote on her walls? What did she do to her totem lathe?? Idiot.
13932	OH DEAR GOD.
13933	The exhibit of depravity maxes out your side of the HORSESHITOMETER.
13934	You had this girl wrong all along. She is an utter buffoon.
13935	You hope nobody caught you looking at that.
13936	The horseshitometer swings back to her side, as she has inadvertently caused you to flush with the shame of one thousand cocoon-wetting children.
13937	You win this round, Lalonde.
13938	You need to put some distance between yourself and that egregious display.
13939	These look like simpler times. Probably better to mess with her earlier on the timeline rather than later.
13940	Hmm.
13941	Why Ms. Lalonde. It does appear you have once again fallen out of favor with the FLIGHTY BROADS AND THEIR SNARKY HORSESHITOMETER.
13942	Your move, Therapist.
13943	This is boring. Where's the challenge in teasing a mentally retarded alien girl? Her stupid walkthrough was probably plagiarized from another more advanced civilization or something.
13944	Maybe bothering her friends will be more interesting.
13945	GA: Hello
13946	GT: hi...?
13947	GA: Allow Me To Make This Simple
13948	GA: I Am A Troll From Another Universe Using A Chat Client Utility Which Is Capable Of Contacting You And Your Friends At Any Point Of Your Lives Which I Choose Up To And Including The Moment Of Your Own Incompetence Fueled Self Destruction
13949	GA: Im Looking For Evidence Of Intelligence In Your Species
13950	GA: A Reason
13951	GA: Any Reason At All Really
13952	GA: To Justify Wasting The Few Precious Remaining Moments Of My Life On You
13953	GA: It Has Fallen On Your Shoulders To Supply Me With That Reason John Human
13954	GA: Go
13955	GT: ha ha, what?
13956	GA: What Indeed
13957	GA: I Was Just Leaving
13958	GT: so you're a time traveler?
13959	GA: No
13960	GA: We Dont Actually Travel Through
13961	GA: Uh
13962	GA: Well
13963	GA: Not All Of Us Do
13964	GA: One Of Us Does Though
13965	GA: Thats Not What We Are Talking About Here And Is Aside From The Point
13966	GT: so let me see if i have this straight...
13967	GT: you are a time traveling space alien from the future, sent here to study humans?
13968	GA: No
13969	GT: are you from mars? is it a mission of peace?
13970	GA: No John You Werent Listening
13971	GT: what does your time machine look like? a phone booth? phone booths are a popular thing for some reason.
13972	GA: Damn It
13973	GT: were you lured to earth by a huge gyroscopey thing that jodie foster piloted in contact, while matthew mcconaughey sort of acted as her spiritual guide i guess...
13974	GA: What The Hell
13975	GT: and then he kind of preached to her about having faith instead of believing in the sciences so hard all the time, and i guess in the end she believed him, maybe?
13976	GT: actually, im not even sure what the point of mcconaughey was in that movie. but he was still awesome.
13977	GT: and then jodie found her dad on an alien planet... but i think he was a ghost or something? or maybe an alien in disguise.
13978	GT: and then she went home and nobody believed her, but you just KNOW mcconaughey believed her.
13979	GT: because he had all the faith. and i mean ALL OF IT.
13980	GT: anyway, does that have any applicability to your cosmic interstellar astrojourney?
13981	GA: Okay Youre Even Dumber Than The Rose Human Thats Incredible Really
13982	GT: pff, i know i'm dumber than rose, that is not much of a burn, dude!
13983	GA: Im A Girl Not A Boy
13984	GT: oh, sorry.
13985	GT: i don't know why i thought you were.
13986	GA: It Happens
13987	GT: were you trolling rose too?
13988	GT: TIME TRAVEL TROLLING???
13989	GA: Yes As A Matter Of Fact
13990	GT: oh boy, let me go put on my quantum space hat, and extra terrestrial adventure boots, and you can tell me all about it.
13991	GA: If You Werent So Stupid Id Suspect You Were Being Insincere For The Benefit Of Your Amusement
13992	GT: ha ha ha. i don't follow!
13993	GA: I Just Spoke To Her In The Future
13994	GA: Shes An Imbecile And Conveying How Much I Dislike Her At This Point Presents An Overwhelming Gauntlet Of Personal Expression
13995	GA: But Regardless She Said To Paste Something From Our Conversation
13996	GA: To Get You To Understand Whats Going On
13997	GA: I Have Strong Doubts It Will Be Effective But Here Goes
13998	GA: GA: I Should Figure Out How The Viewport Feature Of This Application Works
13999	GA: GA: So I Can See What Such A Primitive Creature Looks Like
14000	GA: TT: haha, well i know what you guys look like.
14001	GA: TT: you look kind of like...
14002	GA: TT: howie mandel from little monsters.
14003	GA: TT: even though, to be perfectly frank, he was kind of a big monster.
14004	GA: TT: because he was a big goofy adult.
14005	GA: TT: and fred savage was like his child prankster sidekick.
14006	GA: GA: Is This An Adversary You Have Encountered On Your Quest
14007	GA: TT: no, it's a movie.
14008	GA: TT: you should ask john about it, because he thinks it's awesome, which it is.
14009	GT: hahaha! oh man, you blew it!
14010	GT: now i know for sure you're trolling me. rose hates that movie.
14011	GA: Are You Suggesting
14012	GA: I Was Being Trolled
14013	GA: That It Was A Charade Meant To Make Me Look Foolish
14014	GT: possibly! i know that sure didn't sound like her.
14015	GT: but i think it's more likely that you made it all up cause you know i like that movie.
14016	GT: so i tip my cap to you, well played miss troll!
14017	GA: Now Im Wondering If You Might Be Trolling Me As Well
14018	GT: ok well, just between you and me...
14019	GT: SOMEONE here is getting trolled.
14020	GT: and it just might be all three of us.
14021	GA: Okay
14022	GT: but you shoulda told me you liked little monsters!
14023	GT: we could jam about that. what was your favorite part?
14024	GA: Suspicions Pitching Once Again Toward The Conclusion That You Are Just Very Stupid
14025	GT: i really want to get a little monsters poster, but they're hard to find!
14026	GT: i asked my dad for one for christmas. fingers crossed!
14027	GA: Im Guessing Thats The Human Equivalent Of 12th Perigees Eve
14028	GA: Will Your Adult Human Custodian Forage For Leavings As Ours Do
14029	GT: yup, that sure keeps sounding alien of you.
14030	GT: keep up the good work!
14031	GT: listen, i'm kind of busy, i have to wrap this present and mail it in a hurry.
14032	GT: so i'm going to block you!
14033	GT: but i might unblock you again soon, because you're kinda cool.
14034	GA: Your Blocks Mean Nothing But Dont Worry You Wont Hear From Me Again
14035	GT: yeah well...
14036	GT: you might just hear from me!
14037	GT: also, you should give rose another chance.
14038	GT: she is really great! whatever she did, she was probably just pulling her mind games on you, it's all in fun.
14039	GT: there is more to her than that, you'll see.
14040	GT: bye!
14041	ghostyTrickster [GT] blocked grimAuxiliatrix [GA]
14042	AUGH. Stupid trolls.
14043	Looks like this package is going to be late.
14044	The conversations with the other two humans didn't go that well either.
14045	Must be something about the human intellect, and a specific posture it assumes. Particularly when a certain subject is broached.
14046	And yet...
14047	Your curiosity. It remains piqued.
14048	How maddening.
14049	Earth is surprisingly pretty.
14050	It seems very...
14051	Bright.
14052	Ok, you will have to admit that is a nice outfit. Humans get points for fashion too.
14053	You begrudgingly concede a single SNARKTICK to the stylish human and her loyal snowlusus.
14054	In a little while, she is back in her hive.
14055	You prepare an ambush. This time, the fashionable, hand-crafted gloves are coming OFF.
14056	You proceed to have your SECOND CONVERSATION.
14057	You feel pretty good about your effort. It was a measured balance of barbs and condescension. Your leader will be pleased with the report.
14058	And yet...
14059	It seems the John human was right. This is not the same Rose human you dealt with before. She has been toying with you all along. Oh, the curiosity. How it persists. The maddening, maddening curiosity.
14060	Your arbitrating gauge decides on a draw. Snark reaped and sown in equal distribution.
14061	This is far from over.
14062	You can only assume this is a somewhat typical way for human relationships to blossom. It seems friendship for some humans is a basic aggregation of shallow and insincere hostilities. Human friendship sure is complicated.
14063	You skip ahead to a point on her timeline when you suspect friendship may plausibly have been established already. You have your THIRD CONVERSATION. It does not go as well as you'd hoped.
14064	Rose takes the lead.
14065	Your FOURTH, FIFTH, AND SIXTH CONVERSATIONS don't fare much better. This friendship is stalling fast. What are you doing wrong?
14066	You are now getting your ass handed to you on a silver nutrition plateau. You are in serious need of a ploy to turn the tables in this duel of snarky one-upsmanship.
14067	Some advice couldn't hurt, you suppose.
14068	You decide to SEEK COUNSEL from the Rose human's dark spectacled friend.
14069	You believe you understand how to proceed.
14070	You put into motion a cunning plan in your SEVENTH CONVERSATION, in which you have attached a MISSION CRITICAL TEXT DOCUMENT.
14071	Lalonde has finally been outmaneuvered. The horseshitometer is lopsided in your favor. And most delightfully of all, this fiendish ploy has ensured that all previous snarkticks against you have been rendered completely irrelevant. It turns out they were just a consequence of your future design all along.
14072	You cannot hope to beat Kanaya Maryam in a snark-off. She is simply the best there is.
14073	(heheheheheheh)
14074	You scan her timeline for the right moment to sync up both your sides of the dialogue. Ideally she will have long since discarded her train of thought.
14075	You will finally reap the spoils of all your careful subterfuge. You will reap them good.
14076	Uh...
14077	The FLIGHTY BROADS AND THEIR SNARKY HORSESHITOMETER explodes.
14078	It simply cannot take this much horseshit.
14079	GA: What
14080	GA: The Hell
14081	GA: Did You Just Do
14082	TT: Hi there.
14083	GA: You Actually Did It
14084	GA: Blew It Up I Mean
14085	GA: I Had Begun To Believe That Was Embellishment
14086	TT: This is it, isn't it?
14087	GA: What Is It
14088	TT: This is the eighth conversation between us, from your perspective.
14089	TT: As well as mine.
14090	GA: Yeah
14091	TT: I've been looking forward to this.
14092	GA: Really
14093	TT: Yes.
14094	TT: I have some questions for you.
14095	GA: What Questions Do You Have
14096	TT: I'll start with a simple one.
14097	TT: Do trolls have names?
14098	You make a new COSBYTOP so you can do some serious computing on the go. You barely got a chance to mess around with the first one you made before it was pilfered by a scurrilous imp. Ok it was actually a sylladex mishap but whatever.
14099	Remember how that happened? That didn't stop being a thing that happened or anything.
14100	AG: What.
14101	AG: The hell........
14102	AG: Are you doing!!!!!!!!
14103	EB: oh hey.
14104	AG: John, stop kissing that adult 8rown male human computer at once.
14105	EB: but...
14106	EB: it is bill cosby.
14107	EB: he's back.
14108	EB: in laptop form.
14109	AG: Man. It is just another waste of time.
14110	AG: Everything you do is a huge waste.
14111	AG: A stupid pointless 8unch of w8stey w8stey w8stes.
14112	EB: excuse me, but spending just a little quality time with my man bill here is not a w8stey w8ste at all.
14113	EB: no amount of 8's in words will make that true.
14114	AG: You have important things to do!
14115	AG: Remem8er Jade????????
14116	EB: of course i do! jeez!
14117	EB: ok, i'm going.
14118	AG: Noooooooo!!!!!!!!
14119	AG: XXXXO
14120	EB: what?!?!?!
14121	AG: What the fuck are you doing now!
14122	EB: i am going to blast off and fly a little higher, to see if i can find nanna up there!
14123	EB: and then i will install the game.
14124	EB: it will only take a second!
14125	AG: No, that's not what I mean!
14126	AG: I know that's what you're going to do.
14127	AG: You're just not supposed to do it now!
14128	AG: You are supposed to do something else first. And then fly up. It's right here on your timeline. 8y attempting to do the thing you're not supposed to do yet, you are just wasting more of our time!!!!!!!!
14129	EB: jeez!!!
14130	EB: you are incredibly bossy.
14131	EB: more like marquise bossyfangs.
14132	AG: I told you, that's my role playing name, not my real one! So your weak 8urn means nothing.
14133	EB: no, you did not tell me that you like to play troll dungeons and dragons.
14134	AG: Oh, yes John. I am really going to know what that stupid Earth game is, just 8ecause you put troll in front of it. Stupid.
14135	EB: i will find out what your name is, i am tricky and i have ways.
14136	AG: Pffffffff, dou8t it.
14137	AG: Now shut up and do what you are going to do next!
14138	EB: i don't know what i'm going to do next!
14139	EB: apparently what i thought i was going to do next was wrong, so why don't you tell me?
14140	AG: 8ecause.
14141	AG: That's ridiculous!
14142	AG: That would 8e a ridiculous way for us to do things.
14143	EB: has it occurred to you that i might be wasting so much time because you keep pestering me telling me how much time i'm wasting?
14144	EB: and then when i'm about to make progress you tell me i am doing the wrong thing!
14145	EB: if it weren't for you i would be playing this game already.
14146	AG: Okaaaaaaaay, shut up!
14147	AG: Fine. I will hold your hand every step of the way, since that's apparently how you want to do this.
14148	EB: but it isn't!
14149	AG: I said shut up!
14150	AG: Look, you are a8out to make yourself a new outfit, and THEN you will fly up and install the game.
14151	EB: oh...
14152	EB: but why would i do that? my ecto labsuit is rad!
14153	AG: 8ecause you look like an idiot!
14154	EB: :(
14155	AG: Seriously, it's a good thing I did decide to 8other you now. Otherwise you would go through the game looking like a little weenie 8oy-Skylark.
14156	EB: what is a boy skylark?
14157	AG: It is the most terri8le, gutless class for wimpy losers, ones who have no idea how to handle themselves when a girl talks to them and stuff.
14158	EB: actually, i think i remember passing that rung on my echeladder a while ago.
14159	AG: Yes, exactly! It is 8eneath you, John.
14160	AG: You are clearly much 8etter than that. You should dress like it.
14161	EB: who cares what i dress like? it is what's inside the adventurer that counts.
14162	AG: Hahahahahahahaha!
14163	AG: I watched you actually say that with a str8 f8ce. Oh my god.
14164	EB: why are you taking such an interest in my fashion, anyway?
14165	AG: Trolls are an extremely fashion-minded race, John. You should make a note of this, since you pretend to 8e a scientist or something.
14166	EB: ha ha, it sounds like you have a really lame culture.
14167	AG: John, that is an outr8geous thing to say. You don't even know how important the fashions are, so 8e quiet.
14168	EB: laaaaaaaame.
14169	AG: Look at that! You counted out 8 a's for me, John! That is so thoughtful of you.
14170	EB: oh, ha ha...
14171	EB: i didn't even count. it just...
14172	EB: turned out like that.
14173	AG: Really????????
14174	EB: yeah.
14175	AG: <33333333
14176	EB: er...
14177	EB: ok, anyway, i will make a new suit, but i am not ditching my ectosuit!!!
14178	EB: it is so sweet, i look like link, if zelda was a quest about an elf scientist.
14179	EB: i am the wind waker. it's me.
14180	AG: I know you are, John.
14181	AG: Now empty out your sylladex and let's see what sort of killer gear we can make for you. 8ut do it fast!
14182	GA: Okay This Will Probably Strike You As An Odd Moment For Me To Mention This
14183	GA: But Actually
14184	GA: There Are Not Many Moments Ive Observed On Your Timeline Which Wouldnt Qualify As Odd
14185	GA: And Somehow
14186	GA: Your Idle Moments Seem To Invite Interruption The Least
14187	GA: And This Is A Difficult Topic For Me To Broach
14188	GA: For Reasons That You Probably Wont Understand
14189	TT: You're rambling again, Kanaya.
14190	GA: Okay Sorry
14191	GA: Ive Just Been Meaning To Say
14192	GA: That I Read Your Instructional Guide
14193	TT: Oh?
14194	GA: Yeah
14195	TT: Sorry to hear you were subjected to that.
14196	GA: Why
14197	TT: It was a little melodramatic in retrospect. Heavy-handed.
14198	TT: But now it's stuck on that server forever, broadcasting the notes of very confused girl sifting through the aftermath of just another pedestrian apocalypse somewhere in paradox space.
14199	TT: Have you ever written a message you regretted instantly upon sending?
14200	GA: Lately
14201	GA: Almost Perpetually
14202	TT: That line included?
14203	GA: Wow Yeah Kind Of
14204	GA: Also
14205	GA: That One
14206	TT: I'm sure you must regard the walkthrough as pretty quaint.
14207	TT: As a veteran of the game.
14208	GA: Actually
14209	GA: At The Time Of Reading It Lent Some Useful Insight
14210	GA: Into The Nature Of The Game I Hadnt Yet Considered
14211	GA: And
14212	GA: The Author I Guess
14213	TT: At the time?
14214	TT: When exactly did you read it?
14215	GA: Uh
14216	GA: By The Way
14217	GA: What Are You Doing Here
14218	GA: Is This Part Of Your Ongoing Investigation
14219	TT: Yes.
14220	GA: Are These Tactics Really Necessary
14221	TT: It's faster this way.
14222	TT: If there's one thing you and your friends regularly remind us, it's that time is not on our side.
14223	GA: I Know
14224	GA: But I Thought Our Methods Earlier Were Effective
14225	GA: In Illuminating The Underpinnings Of The Game
14226	GA: You Ask Some Questions
14227	GA: And I Answer
14228	GA: If I Can
14229	TT: Yes, that has been effective.
14230	TT: But you don't know everything, do you?
14231	GA: No
14232	TT: My current strategy is comprehensive.
14233	TT: Your notes have been helpful, but the facts you've supplied are being cross-referenced with understandings I already have, and data gathered by the sort of means presently on display.
14234	TT: I still have more questions for you, which I will ask in time.
14235	GA: Okay
14236	GA: But These Means Presently On Display
14237	GA: Are Making Me A Little Nervous
14238	GA: I Think Its Kind Of A Reckless Use Of
14239	TT: Of what?
14240	GA: These Forces
14241	TT: Dark magic, you mean?
14242	GA: Yes
14243	GA: Well
14244	GA: Influence By The Gods From The Furthest Ring
14245	GA: The Communion You Seem To Have Developed With Them I Find Kind Of Troubling
14246	TT: I don't think they are as nefarious as you might imagine.
14247	TT: Many of them seem to be intent on helping us.
14248	GA: How Exactly Do You Know That
14249	TT: From their whispers in my dreams.
14250	GA: How Much Time Have You Really Spent Sleeping
14251	GA: Since You Began Playing
14252	TT: Not much.
14253	TT: But quite a lot in a failed timeline.
14254	TT: And now and then, memories surface from that alternate reality.
14255	TT: Vague memories, but unmistakable in familiarity, like spontaneously remembering a dream from years ago by some inexplicable catalyst.
14256	TT: In that reality, they spoke to me in my sleep and told me much of what I needed to know.
14257	TT: Including what to do to reset our timeline and create the present reality.
14258	GA: That Makes Me No Less Nervous
14259	GA: Our Understanding Is That Influence From Doomed Timelines
14260	GA: Though Seemingly Necessary To Advance In The Alpha Reality
14261	GA: Is Generally Inauspicious
14262	GA: Travelers From Such Branches Are Marked For Death
14263	GA: And Though It Was Only An Insubstantial Part Of You Which Traveled
14264	GA: Just Memories I Suppose
14265	GA: Its Still Troubling
14266	TT: I have assurances I'm on the right track.
14267	TT: Surely you must have spoken to the gods by now.
14268	TT: What did they tell you to make you so suspicious?
14269	GA: Actually
14270	GA: I Havent
14271	GA: I Have Never Visited Derse Or Traveled Beyond The Veil
14272	GA: Prospits Moon Was My Home
14273	GA: For Most Of My Dreaming Life
14274	TT: It was?
14275	GA: Yes
14276	TT: This surprises me.
14277	GA: Why
14278	TT: ...
14279	TT: Good question.
14280	GA: Skaia Was Always The Foil For My Curiosity
14281	GA: But It Only Showed Me What I Needed To See
14282	GA: It Very Much Had The Presence Of Something Sentient
14283	GA: And
14284	GA: Benevolent
14285	GA: But Silent
14286	GA: Not Something To Converse With Or Be Instructed By
14287	GA: Or Anything With An Agenda Beyond Which It Knows To Be Manifest Already
14288	GA: Like A Very Clear Mirror
14289	GA: That Has Everything There Is To See Inside It
14290	GA: But Only Some Things Are Visible At Any Given Moment
14291	GA: I Always Trusted It
14292	GA: And I Dont Trust Gods That Would Eschew Its Light
14293	TT: You didn't actually answer my question.
14294	TT: When was it exactly that you read my walkthrough?
14295	GA: Oh
14296	GA: A While Ago
14297	TT: Before you first contacted me?
14298	GA: I Have To Confess That
14299	GA: Ive Been Experiencing Something Like
14300	GA: Impression Whiplash
14301	GA: Since That Time
14302	TT: What do you mean?
14303	GA: At First I Thought You Were Foolish And Incompetent
14304	TT: My apologies for whatever misstep I may have taken to dispel that impression.
14305	TT: It was an honest mistake, I swear.
14306	GA: You See Thats What Im Talking About
14307	GA: That Was A Very Snarky Remark That Happened Just Now
14308	GA: Stratified By Your Signature Varieties Of Insincerity Which Cut Through The Literal Meaning Of The Statement Like Colorful Ribbons
14309	GA: And The Net Intent Is Something Maddening To Try To Know
14310	GA: Its Meaning I Think Exists At The Inscrutable Nexus Of Semantic Space Where Humor Chafes Against Soft Malice
14311	GA: A Place Perhaps The Human Mind Occupies More Comfortably I Dont Know
14312	GA: Xenopsychology Isnt My Strong Suit
14313	GA: Or Even A Real Word
14314	TT: ...
14315	GA: Uh Yeah I Know Im Babbling Again
14316	GA: The Point Is Its Not The Type Of Behavior A Very Stupid Person Can Perpetrate
14317	GA: And So My Impression Has Thrashed Around From Conversation To Conversation
14318	GA: And Now
14319	GA: Rather Than Suspecting You Of Incompetence
14320	GA: I Have Begun To Fear Just The Opposite
14321	GA: I Think You Might Be Dangerous
14322	TT: To whom?
14323	GA: Maybe Not Knowing That Is What Really Bothers Me
14324	GA: Why Dont You Put The Turtle Ruins Down
14325	GA: And Return To Your House
14326	GA: I Have Sketched Some New Outfits For You That I Think Are Nice
14327	GA: We Could Try To Make Them
14328	GA: It Will Be Fun
14329	TT: You seem to have taken quite an interest in my wardrobe decisions.
14330	TT: Are all trolls so fashion-minded?
14331	GA: Urrgh No
14332	GA: Sadly
14333	TT: Maybe later.
14334	GA: What If There Isnt A Later
14335	TT: Well, we already know there won't be.
14336	TT: That's nothing new.
14337	GA: I Mean
14338	GA: There Not Being A Later Might Happen Sooner Than You Think
14339	TT: Wow, what?
14340	GA: I Mean
14341	GA: For You Specifically
14342	GA: Okay
14343	GA: This Was Something Else I Wanted To Say
14344	GA: Or Ask About
14345	GA: But Im Afraid My Asking Might Play A Role In The Outcome
14346	GA: And I Dont Know If I Want That
14347	TT: The outcome will happen one way or another.
14348	TT: Whether you have something to do with it or not.
14349	TT: You might as well ask me.
14350	TT: At least when it happens, you'll understand what it is that's happening.
14351	TT: And just maybe, if we're really lucky, so will I.
14352	GA: Um
14353	TT: I have a question for you too.
14354	TT: Let's swap ignorance, ok?
14355	GA: Alright
14356	GA: I Cant See You In The Future
14357	GA: The Viewport Wont Let Me After A Certain Point
14358	GA: Its Black
14359	GA: But Only For You
14360	GA: Not The Others
14361	TT: When?
14362	GA: Several Hours From Now
14363	GA: Do You Know Why This Could Be
14364	TT: I have no idea.
14365	TT: I can't see the future.
14366	TT: I'm a disreputable Derse Dreamer, remember?
14367	TT: But I promise that if I have a hand in it, it won't be because you told me.
14368	TT: Does that make you feel better?
14369	GA: Sort Of
14370	GA: But It Remains Ominous
14371	TT: Is that why you want to dissuade me from my admittedly zealous investigation to go play dress-up again?
14372	TT: Because our time here is almost up?
14373	TT: And you hope what's on the other side of the dark curtain for me is not some sort of corruption or damnation?
14374	GA: Also Sort Of
14375	TT: That's thoughtful of you.
14376	TT: To strive to pacify me as I scuffle down this black corridor.
14377	GA: Wait
14378	GA: Is That What Im Doing
14379	TT: Is it?
14380	GA: On Second Thought
14381	GA: Thats Not What I Want To Do
14382	TT: Oh.
14383	TT: That's a pity.
14384	TT: Who will make sure my soul isn't forfeit in service of gods then?
14385	GA: Well
14386	GA: I Hope That Doesnt Happen
14387	GA: But Id Rather Not Get Stuck In That Kind Of Pattern Again
14388	GA: So If You Want To Wreck Turtle Villages And Tear Your Planet Apart On The Counsel Of Dark Gods
14389	GA: Fine With Me I Guess
14390	TT: What do you mean, "again?"
14391	GA: Ur
14392	GA: Ill Do The Thing You Do When You Dont Say Anything
14393	GA: "..."
14394	TT: One simple word can so easily begin a story in a very thick book.
14395	TT: But I guess we won't open this one?
14396	GA: What Was Your Question
14397	GA: I Believe Youre Owed Some Compensatory Ignorance
14398	TT: Yes.
14399	TT: I was wondering.
14400	TT: What do you know about the <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/greensun.gif" border="0" />?
14401	GA: Ive Never Heard Of It
14402	TT: Thank you.
14403	TT: The transaction was very tidy.
14404	GA: Agreed
14405	AG: This is the most ridiculous pile of useless crap I have ever seen.
14406	AG: Why did you pick up all this junk???????? Rocks, mushrooms, shoes........
14407	AG: Jegus, John.
14408	EB: jegus?
14409	AG: Yes. Jegus!
14410	EB: how do you know about jegus? do you even know what that is?
14411	AG: I have no idea! It's something Terezi has 8een saying non stop for some reason.
14412	AG: It is weirdly infectious.
14413	AG: What is it, some sort of human profanity?
14414	EB: no. well, yeah kind of.
14415	EB: it is a misspelling of an adult male bearded human, who was magic.
14416	AG: 8ooooooooring.
14417	EB: shrug!
14418	AG: John! Is that a frog I see there?
14419	EB: uh, yes. it is.
14420	AG: How do you have a frog already????????
14421	EB: i dunno. i found it, and i decided to captchalogue it for some reason.
14422	EB: frogs are pretty cool.
14423	AG: It seems awfully early in your game for you to 8e finding frogs. Your session sure is weird!
14424	EB: huh. ok...
14425	EB: apparently it is considered illegal contraband.
14426	EB: why would a frog be illegal?
14427	AG: John, shut your trap! We are in a hurry here.
14428	EB: bossy!!!!!!!!
14429	AG: Ok, I think I can make you a completely faaaaaaaa8ulous outfit using this trash, and may8e some other stuff around your hive.
14430	AG: 8ut you have to do exactly what I say!
14431	EB: bossy bossy bossy bossy bossy bossy bossy bossy.
14432	EB: to the eighth power.
14433	EB: times eight infinities!!!
14434	AG: H8RRY 8P!!!!!!!!!
14435	EB: that was nine !'s.
14436	AG: Oops.
14437	EB: so, uh...
14438	EB: red sneakers, some jeans, a tee shirt, and another shirt...
14439	EB: this is the fabulous outfit you had in mind?
14440	AG: Yes! Isn't it awesome?
14441	EB: it's pretty cool and all...
14442	EB: i was just picturing something...
14443	EB: more elaborate? like maybe more adventurey.
14444	AG: Fuck that.
14445	AG: This is a really hot look for you, John. It makes you look a million times more cool, instead of some kind of overa8sconding daggerlance fl8ling pansy.
14446	EB: what?
14447	AG: Now move your ass!
14448	AG: Go go go go go go go go!!!!!!!!
14449	EB: ok, jeeeeeeeez.
14450	EB: pchoo.
14451	AG: D::::
14452	EB: ha ha, just messin' with ya.
14453	EB: pchoooooooo!
14454	AG: Yessssssss.
14455	EB: ok...
14456	EB: marquise bossyfangs mcsekret, this has been a lot of fun...
14457	EB: but i have to go talk to my pals now, and also rescue jade!
14458	AG: Yes, I know that, dummy! I am in complete command of your timeline, remem8er?
14459	E8: oh yeah. sure, if you say so.
14460	AG: We will not speak again for a while. 8ut for me it will only 8e a moment.
14461	AG: I do not envy the Serketless coldspell you are a8out to endure, John.
14462	EB: that's too bad.
14463	EB: how long will it be?
14464	AG: Man, calm down! It will only 8e a couple of hours or so.
14465	AG: Sweet Jegus, I have clearly done a num8er on you to engender such a frothing o8session so quickly.
14466	AG: Not surprising. It's just the 8urden that comes with 8eing so damned awesome. 8ut you will figure that out soon enough John, 8ecause I have you well on your way.
14467	EB: ha ha, i guess...
14468	AG: Phase two of my program for you 8egins in a little while.
14469	AG: In the meantime, try not to get corrupted 8y anyone too lame. Especially no8ody with 8rown text or gray text, or any shit ugly color at all for that matter.
14470	EB: ok, i will try.
14471	EB: thanks for all the help. bye, ms. serket!
14472	AG: 8ye, John........
14473	AG: W8.
14474	AG: John what?
14475	EB: Anderson.
14476	AG: Ok. Til next time, Mr. Anderson.
14477	EB: (hehehehehehehehe)
14478	EB: hey dave!
14479	TG: hey
14480	EB: wow, it's been a while since we talked, hasn't it.
14481	TG: has it
14482	EB: i think the last time i talked to you, i was doing exactly what im doing now...
14483	EB: which is blasting off from my house.
14484	EB: or was it?
14485	EB: wow, i can't remember...
14486	TG: man who cares
14487	TG: i mean thats great and all
14488	TG: but i talked to you plenty more times since that from where im standing
14489	TG: ive got to make this quick
14490	EB: oh.
14491	EB: you mean like the trolls?
14492	EB: are you using the troll time chat gizmo?
14493	TG: fuck no fuck that trollian horseshit
14494	TG: its just regular old time travel
14495	TG: im from the future
14496	EB: oh ok. is this dave sprite?
14497	TG: no
14498	TG: just regular ordinary dave from the fucking future nothing special dude come on
14499	EB: well, excuse me, but i still think time travel sounds kind of special.
14500	EB: sorry you are so jaded by awesome shit!
14501	TG: yeah ok it is awesome but im in a hurry
14502	EB: what is it?
14503	TG: i need to borrow some boondollars off you
14504	EB: boondollars? i thought they didn't do anything.
14505	TG: no they do do something
14506	EB: what do they do?
14507	TG: what do you think they buy shit its fucking money
14508	EB: what do they buy?
14509	TG: i cant answer all these questions dude youll find out anyway its not like youll even really need your money
14510	TG: you you might as well give it to me
14511	EB: uh...
14512	EB: how much do you need?
14513	TG: all of it
14514	EB: oh, fuck that!!!
14515	TG: man you just said you thought it was useless why do you care
14516	EB: but you just said it wasn't useless!
14517	TG: ill pay you back
14518	EB: really? when?
14519	TG: in the future
14520	TG: if theres one thing im not short on its the fuckin future
14521	EB: how far in the future are you from?
14522	EB: i thought we only had something like 24 hours until, like...
14523	EB: game over.
14524	TG: yeah we do
14525	TG: but chronologically ive been around for at least triple that
14526	EB: wow. how...
14527	EB: i don't get how that works!
14528	TG: no shit your deal is wind not time
14529	TG: youre on easy street what is there even to think about with wind
14530	TG: like what angle to blow it at to fly a damn kite or how gentle its gotta be to make a picnic go swimmingly
14531	TG: its kiddie bullshit time is serious fucking business
14532	TG: leave it to the pros ok
14533	EB: but, doesn't going back in time make an alternate reality?
14534	EB: i thought that's what happened with dave sprite, he came back to make sure i didn't die and this is a new timeline now.
14535	TG: yeah it can work that way
14536	TG: or not
14537	TG: ive been very careful
14538	TG: this whole operation is strung together with stable time loops
14539	TG: no timeline offshoots cause thats when daves start dying and that isnt no good for nobody
14540	EB: daves, plural?
14541	TG: yeah
14542	TG: there are a bunch of daves running around the timeline
14543	EB: oh, man.
14544	TG: but they are all me
14545	TG: i mean they will all become me and ill become them one way or another
14546	TG: thats how stable time loops work shit takes a lot of planning and precise choreography
14547	TG: ive got some help though
14548	EB: help?
14549	EB: sounds like you have been talkin' to some trolls!
14550	TG: yeah
14551	EB: they seem to be getting more talkative lately.
14552	TG: man dont even get me started with that
14553	TG: the 24 hour span of the reckoning is like some kind of critical spike in us dealing with troll bullshit
14554	TG: i guess its just when the most shit is going down so they figure thats the best time to mess with us
14555	EB: yeah, that makes sense.
14556	EB: i guess since you've lived three days in one day, you've just been hassled that much more?
14557	TG: i dont know man they seem to flock to me
14558	TG: ive been laying waste to chumps nonstop
14559	TG: its like they heard somebody over here was handing out asses and theyve known nothing but years of bitter ass famine
14560	EB: heheh.
14561	EB: so what is the future like?
14562	EB: or uh, the 3x future...
14563	EB: do we win???
14564	TG: oh you know
14565	TG: noirs outta control
14566	TG: rose is crazy jades crazier and youre
14567	TG: well youre you
14568	TG: and together were up to our bulges and miscellaneous bullshit alien physiology in hot sloppy shenanigans while hatching plans under our feathery asses like a bunch of cage free farm fresh motherfuckers
14569	TG: but im not about to get into specifics cause this is complicated enough as it is
14570	TG: and if i started ranting too much about the future id start sounding like one of these smug alternian shitheads and im not about to drop that retarded science on my good bro
14571	TG: so im staying on track here
14572	TG: speaking of which
14573	TG: give me your money
14574	EB: but...
14575	EB: i worked hard saving up that money!
14576	EB: i have a whole boonbuck now.
14577	TG: oh christ
14578	TG: only one
14579	TG: well fuck nevermind then
14580	TG: i thought youd have more by now but thats goddamn peanuts
14581	EB: :(
14582	TG: i mean
14583	TG: ill take it anyway but damn
14584	EB: tell me what you want with it!
14585	TG: im working the system here
14586	TG: using time loops to manipulate the incipispheres financial sector
14587	TG: making a goddamn killing in the lohacse
14588	EB: lohacse?
14589	TG: lohac stock exchange
14590	EB: um...
14591	EB: lohac?
14592	TG: my planet
14593	TG: land of heat and clockwork dude come on
14594	TG: you know like gears and lava and shit
14595	EB: oh, huh.
14596	EB: that sounds unpleasant.
14597	TG: wrong it kicks ass
14598	EB: your unpleasant face is what kicks ass!
14599	EB: or DOESN'T, more like.
14600	TG: egbert stfu and give me your goddamn boonbuck j3gus fuck
14601	TG: ill turn it into a boonmint in an hour and youll get it back ok
14602	EB: j3gus?
14603	EB: *narrows eyes suspiciously...*
14604	TG: no comment
14605	EB: i don't even know how to give it to you!
14606	EB: they are just more weird gaming abstractions, how do we do this?
14607	TG: you can wire it to my account
14608	TG: ill send you the app
14609	EB: i'm really pretty busy you know. i have to help jade!
14610	TG: i know
14611	TG: but this takes like two seconds
14612	EB: bluh...
14613	EB: fiiiiiiiine.
14614	TG: dude
14615	TG: dont do the vriska thing ok
14616	TG: shes messed up we talked about this
14617	TG: or will talk
14618	EB: who?
14619	TG: whatever
14620	TG: alright app incoming
14621	TG: gotta go later
14622	It is the perfect crime.
14623	Looks like Egbert came through. He wires you his measly BOONBUCK. It's not much, but it is immediately funneled into the pipelines of your various investment scams, and quickly begins paying dividends.
14624	The figures are tight. You have this shit on fiduciary lockdown. The economy belongs to you.
14625	GC: H3Y D4V3
14626	GC: B1G N3WS
14627	TG: hey
14628	TG: have i made enough money yet
14629	GC: OF COURS3 YOU H4V3
14630	GC: MOR3 TH4N W3 COULD 3V3R POSS1BLY F1GUR3 OUT WH4T TO DO W1TH
14631	GC: BUT TH4T 1S NOT TH3 B1G N3WS! >:]
14632	TG: ok
14633	GC: 1 M4D3 YOU 4NOTH3R COM1C
14634	TG: fuck
14635	TG: bout time
14636	TG: what took so long
14637	GC: 1 R3S3NT TH3 1MPL1C4T1ON D4V3
14638	GC: TH4T 1 4M NOT WORK1NG T1R3L3SSLY ON YOUR B3H4LF 4S W3LL 4S ON B3H4LF OF TH3 F1N3 4RTS
14639	GC: JUST B3C4US3 YOU GO FOR HOURS W1THOUT H34R1NG FROM M3
14640	GC: DO3SNT M34N 1 4M NOT SL4V1NG 4W4Y H3R3 4T M4K1NG YOU R1CH
14641	GC: F1N4NC14LLY 4ND 4RT1ST1C4LLY
14642	GC: 1TS JUST 1 DONT H4V3 TH3 LUXURY OF YOUR 3XP4ND3D T1M3FR4M3
14643	GC: M1ST3R THR33 D4YS 1N ON3 >:[
14644	TG: k cool lets see it
14645	GC: 1S TH3R3 4NYTH1NG TH4T 4 HUM4N COOLK1D C4NNOT DO???
14646	GC: http://tinyurl.com/T34CHM3D4V3
14647	GC: 1 DOUBT 1T! >8D
14648	TG: damn
14649	TG: thats incredible
14650	GC: TH3 PH3NOM3NON OF TH3 COOLK1D 1S 4 F4SC1N4T1NG ON3 D4V3
14651	GC: 1 H4V3 STUD13D 1T
14652	GC: D1D YOU KNOW TH4T W3 DO NOT H4V3 COOLK1DS ON 4LT3RN14?
14653	TG: oh shit really
14654	TG: that loud sound of shock you just smelled was my jaw hitting the floor
14655	GC: 1TS TRU3
14656	GC: SOM3 TRY TO B3 1 TH1NK, W1THOUT 3V3N B31NG 4W4R3 OF TH3 T3MPL4T3 TH3Y 4R3 STR1V1NG FOR
14657	GC: 1T 1S 4 S4D SP3CT4CL3
14658	GC: BUT 1 TH1NK YOU 4R3 PROB4BLY TH3 COOL3ST COOLK1D D4V3
14659	GC: 4LL TH3S3 OTH3R HORNS3S 4SS3S SURF1NG ON K3YBO4RDS 4ND PUTT1NG H4TS ON TURNW4YS 4R3 4 BUNCH OF STUT1D NUMPNUTS
14660	GC: TH3Y H4V3 NOTH1NG ON TH3 ON3 TRU3 STR1D3R
14661	TG: yeah i mean
14662	TG: i cant possibly argue with any of that
14663	TG: so are we done making money yet or what
14664	GC: OH 1 DONT KNOW
14665	GC: T3CHN1C4LLY W3 W3R3 4 LONG T1M3 4GO
14666	TG: yeah i kinda figured
14667	GC: BUT 1TS 4 FUN W4Y TO STR3TCH OUT TH3 T1M3 YOUV3 GOT L3FT, 1SNT 1T?
14668	GC: >:]
14669	TG: im not complaining
14670	TG: but you said there was something specific we were working toward here
14671	TG: i mean aside from buying up all the nastiest fraymotifs
14672	GC: Y3S BOTH 4R3 TRU3
14673	GC: 4ND TH3R3 4R3 SOM3 YOU H4V3NT BOUGHT Y3T!
14674	GC: TH4T 1S 1MPORT4NT, W3 N33D TO K33P YOU COMP3T1T1V3 W1TH JOHN
14675	TG: competitive
14676	TG: man
14677	TG: dont matter what i do im not gonna outpace egbert
14678	GC: DONT S4Y TH4T! YOUV3 GOT TO B3L13V3 1N YOURS3LF D4V3
14679	TG: hey its not like the futures a mystery or anything weve both seen it
14680	TG: well
14681	TG: ive seen it
14682	TG: youve just caught a whiff of it
14683	TG: like a hungry beggar loitering cross the street of an olive garden
14684	TG: just cause a filthy vagrants barred from entry dont mean a dude doesnt know italian foods nearby its a fucking fact to his nose
14685	GC: DO NOT D1STR4CT FROM TH3 1SSU3 W1TH YOUR S4SSY R3M4RKS 4BOUT 34RTH 1T4L14N FOOD
14686	GC: Y34H OK, JOHN M4Y S3RV3 YOU YOUR OWN BULG3 ON 4 S1LV3R TURN T4BL3 PR3 SCR4TCH
14687	GC: BUT WH4T 4BOUT 4FT3R TH4T?
14688	GC: W3 N33D YOU TO K33P P4C3
14689	GC: 1T 1S TH3 CL4SS1C STRUGGL3, TH3 HUM4N 34RTH COOLK1D V3RSUS TH3 34RTH HUM4N N3RD
14690	GC: WHO W1LL W1N??????? >:O
14691	GC: (D4V3 D4V3 D4V3)
14692	TG: yeah fine
14693	TG: so whats the other thing we were accomplishing here
14694	TG: does that get to be not an obnoxious secret yet
14695	GC: Y3S, NOW 1S TH3 T1M3
14696	GC: YOU MUST W1R3 YOUR BOONDOLL4RS TO MY 4CCOUNT
14697	TG: ok so this was your game
14698	TG: to get rich off me
14699	GC: Y3SSSSSSSSSSSS >8]
14700	GC: BUT S3R1OUSLY 1TS 1MPORT4NT!
14701	GC: 1T 1S CR1T1C4L TO 4LL OUR PL4NS
14702	TG: alright well its not like i even have a problem parting with this useless bullshit money
14703	TG: how much do you need
14704	GC: 413 BOONBONDS
14705	TG: thats all
14706	TG: i can afford to give you a fuckload more than that
14707	TG: how bout i give you an even boonbank
14708	GC: NO!!!
14709	GC: 1T MUST B3 3X4CTLY TH4T 4MOUNT
14710	TG: ok just to be clear
14711	TG: thats 413
14712	TG: not "aie"
14713	GC: Y34H
14714	GC: J3RK >:P
14715	TG: whats up with that number
14716	TG: ive seen it around
14717	GC: TH3Y 4R3 TH3 NUM3R4LS OF TH3 BL1ND PROPH3TS
14718	TG: whats that mean
14719	GC: 1 DONT KNOW >:?
14720	TG: ok awesome
14721	GC: 4LSO
14722	GC: 4T TH3 3X4CT 3ND OF TH1S CONV3RS4T1ON
14723	GC: YOU MUST W1R3 TH3 MON3Y TO MY 4CCOUNT 3X4CTLY 6 HOURS 4ND 12 M1NUT3S 1NTO TH3 P4ST
14724	GC: MY P4ST! R3L4T1V3 TO MY PR3S3NT MOM3NT 4S OF TYP1NG TH1S
14725	TG: you mean i can do that
14726	TG: then
14727	TG: why werent we just wiring money into the past for these investment escapades instead of doing all this time traveling
14728	GC: B3C4US3!
14729	GC: TH4T W4SNT TH3 PL4N
14730	GC: W3 H4D TO PL4Y 4LONG W1TH TH3 ST4BL3 T1M3 LOOPS W3 W3R3 PR3S3NT3D W1TH
14731	GC: YOU KNOW, M4K3 SUR3 4LL THOS3 D4V3S RUNN1NG 4ROUND 3X1ST3D 1N TH3 F1RST PL4C3
14732	TG: oh yeah
14733	TG: i knew that its just frustrating sometimes its like paradox space makes you do everything the hard way
14734	GC: Y34H T3LL M3 4BOUT 1T
14735	GC: BUT H3Y 1TS B33N FUN PL4Y1NG 4LONG, H4SNT 1T?
14736	TG: sure
14737	GC: W3V3 GOT TO K33P B31NG D3L1C4T3 W1TH T1M3
14738	GC: 1F YOU ST4RT B3ND1NG TH3 RUL3S 4ND T4K1NG SHORTCUTS
14739	GC: TH4TS WH3N D34D D4V3S ST4RT P1L1NG UP
14740	GC: D34D D4V3S 4R3 TH3 3N3MY!
14741	GC: 4S D3L1GHTFUL 4S 1T 1S TO SM3LL TH31R SW33T C4NDY BLOOD 3V3RYWH3R3
14742	TG: yeah
14743	TG: reminds me
14744	TG: i made you a comic a while ago
14745	GC: YOU D1D???
14746	TG: yeah here
14747	GC: >:o
14748	GC: D4V3...
14749	GC: TH1S COM1C 1S BORD3RL1N3 PORNOGR4PH1C
14750	GC: YOU 4R3 4 R34LLY FUCK3D UP K1D
14751	TG: yeah ok whatever you say
14752	TG: fuckin aliens
14753	GC: (1T 1S F4NT4ST1C, 1 LOV3 1T)
14754	TG: ok cool
14755	TG: hey boonbonds incoming now
14756	TG: brace yourself six hours ago
14757	You are suddenly the troll girl.
14758	In a different game session.
14759	In the past.
14760	You have recently retreated to the Veil to hide from a mysterious demon which appears to be bent on your destruction. Suddenly nobody understands anything.
14761	There is not much to do but wander around the laboratory while the others squabble amongst each other and search for answers. You point your nose Skaiaward. It is a refreshing blue minty dot against the Medium's dark canvas. It is very far away from this meteor though. It is hard to pick up its scent clearly.
14762	You make use of your trusty SMELLOSCOPE, an item you crafted during your adventure. It came in handy so many times.
14763	Your keen nose penetrates deep into the Insniffisphere I mean Incipisphere and zeroes in on the familiar honey-sweet smell of Prospit.
14764	Thank goodness it is still safe. It would be terrible if the demon were to...
14765	OH NO!
14766	You take the brunt of the stellar smellsplosion like a sour apple punch to the snout!
14767	You suppose you'd better report this to your teammates. Perhaps a memo is in order. But today, there will be little reason for rumpus in your partytown. Today is a very sad day. You are all in bigger trouble than you suspected.
14768	Unsurprisingly, you return to a room full of commotion.
14769	What is this guy staring at? Always with the staring. He is so weird.
14770	And what is she doing with that chainsaw over there?? The rich scent of chocolatey blood fills the room.
14771	Good grief. You can't turn your back on these lunatics for a second!
14772	And here is your bold leader, passed out on the floor. He is sleeping like a wiggler.
14773	You wonder what he could be dreaming about? Prospit is gone now, and he never even had the chance to wake up. Poor guy.
14774	It is important to keep your loyal subscribers of the past and future informed. It is your duty as a dedicated bulletin administrator.
14775	Still, it's hard to find the words to break this to them. The partytown has been host to nothing but bad news lately.
14776	CURRENT gallowsCalibrator [CGC] RIGHT NOW opened memo on board R41NBOW RUMPUS P4RTYTOWN.
14777	CGC: B4D N3WS 3V3RYON3!
14778	CGC: UM
14779	FUTURE gallowsCalibrator [CGC] 3 MINUTES FROM NOW responded to memo.
14780	FGC: T3R3Z1 SOM3TH1NG H4S COM3 UP
14781	CGC: OH?
14782	FGC: Y3S YOU W1LL N33D TO CUT TH1S M3MO SHORT
14783	FGC: 3V3RYON3, TH3 BOTTOM L1N3 1S TH4T PROSP1T W4S JUST D3STROY3D
14784	FGC: 1 4M SORRY TO S4Y
14785	FGC: >:[
14786	CGC: >:[
14787	FUTURE adiosToreador [FAT] 3:14 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.
14788	FAT: iS,
14789	FAT: tHAT WHAT HAPPENED,
14790	FGC: Y3S T4VROS
14791	FAT: }:(
14792	FGC: WOW 1T TOOK YOU THR33 HOURS TO F1GUR3 TH4T OUT?
14793	FGC: WH4T TH3 H3LL H4V3 YOU B33N DO1NG
14794	FAT: mOSTLY,
14795	FAT: gETTING USED TO THESE LEGS,
14796	FAT: fALLING DOWN STAIRS, aND THINGS LIKE THAT,
14797	FUTURE centaursTesticle [FCT] 3:14 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.
14798	FCT: D --> I'm quite sure I warned you about attempting to navigate stairs while adjusting to the new equipment
14799	FUTURE arachnidsGrip [FAG] 3:14 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.
14800	FAG: Yes, you told him 8ro!
14801	FAG: I distinctly remem8er you telling him a8out stairs. 8ut he didn't listen.
14802	FAG: He never listens! None of you do, really.
14803	FAG: And now all of your extra lives are waaaaaaaasted.
14804	FAG: What a 8unch of losers! I'm outta here.
14805	FAG banned herself from responding to memo.
14806	CGC: W3LL
14807	CGC: NOT 4LL OF TH3M
14808	CGC: TH3 D3RS3 DR34M3RS 4R3 F1N3 4S F4R 4S 1 KNOW
14809	FUTURE arsenicCatnip [FAC] 3:14 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.
14810	FAC: :33 < ummm no not quite :((
14811	FAC: :33 < she is refurring to the fact that derse was just destroyed too
14812	FAC: :33 < i saw him during my catnap, he blew it right on up!
14813	CGC: >8C
14814	FAC: :33 < :'CC
14815	FAC: :33 < feferi was sl33ping too, and now she will not wake up!
14816	FAC: :33 < i am very purrturbed by this
14817	FGC: 3V3RYON3, PL34S3!
14818	FGC: P4ST T3R3Z1 H4S SOM3TH1NG 1MPORT4NT TO 4TT3ND TO 1N 4 MOM3NT
14819	FGC: SO 1 4M 4FR41D 1 MUST CLOS3 TH1S M3MO!
14820	FGC: PL34S3 SC4N TH3 BULL3T1N FOR FUTUR3 M3MOS TO CONT1NU3 D1SCUSS1NG TH1S 4ND OTH3R 1NTR1GU1NG TOP1CS
14821	FGC: 4S 4LW4YS, 1T H4S B33N 4 PL34SUR3 S3RV1NG YOUR TR4NST1M3L1N3 D1SCUSS1ON N33DS H3R3 4T TH3 R41NBOW RUMPUS P4RTYTOWN
14822	FAG unbanned herself from responding to memo.
14823	FAG: You doofus!!!!!!!!
14824	FGC: SHUT TH3 FUCK UP!
14825	FGC banned FAG from responding to memo.
14826	FGC closed memo.
14827	~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
14828	On the instruction of yourself from three minutes in the future, you wait for something to happen.
14829	You wonder what could possibly happen that will cause you to become your future self in three minutes and interrupt your past self's memo and tell her to wait for three minutes doing nothing but wondering what could possibly happen that will cause her to become her future self in...
14830	Hey. Someone just wired you some money. That's odd.
14831	Huh. 413 boonbucks. The numerals of the blind prophets. A sign, perhaps? A secret message? But from who? This makes no sense.
14832	Wait... those are not boonbucks. Some of the digits are obscured. You need to take a closer look. Which is to say, a closer lick.
14833	413 boonbonds???
14834	This is an absolutely preposterous amount of money.
14835	GC: SOLLUX 1 N33D YOU TO TR4C3 4 MON3Y TR4NSF3R
14836	TA: 2omeone 2ent you money?
14837	GC: Y3S
14838	TA: why'2 2omeone 2endiing you money.
14839	TA: and why now of all tiime2, liike we can even u2e iit.
14840	TA: who'2 thii2 doucebag?
14841	GC: TH4TS WH4T 1 W4NT YOU TO F1GUR3 OUT!
14842	TA: ok.
14843	TA: bam, done.
14844	TA: ii am fuckiing iincrediible.
14845	GC: WHO 1S 1T?
14846	TA: 2omeone iin our uniiver2e.
14847	GC: C4N YOU B3 MOR3 SP3C1F1C?
14848	GC: UN1V3RS3S 4R3 K1ND OF HUG3.
14849	GC: SOM3ON3 FROM 4LT3RN14?
14850	TA: no no, ii mean 2omeone from OUR uniiver2e, the one we ju2t made.
14851	GC: WOW, 4LR34DY?
14852	GC: TH4T W4S F4ST
14853	GC: W3 JUST M4D3 1T!
14854	TA: yeah 2ure but we are completely out2iide iit2 temporal envelope remember.
14855	TA: the entiire hii2tory of the thiing exii2t2 already iin iit2 entiirety from our per2pectiive, iit2 flow of tiime mean2 nothiing two u2.
14856	TA: 2o we don't have two waiit for anythiing, iit'2 all already there.
14857	GC: Y34H TH4TS TRU3
14858	GC: ST1LL S33MS W31RD THOUGH >:?
14859	TA: 413 boonbond2? damn.
14860	TA: 2omeone here ha2 been playiing 2grub ii gue22. wonder why they'd 2end u2 money.
14861	TA: maybe they know we made them? maybe iit'2 liike a tiip. liike thank2 dude2 for makiing u2 exii2t.
14862	GC: >:???
14863	TA: why 413, why that number.
14864	TA: any iidea?
14865	GC: NUM3R4LS OF TH3 BL1ND PROPH3TS
14866	GC: OTH3R TH4N TH4T, DONT KNOW
14867	TA: well, 2eeiing a2 we don't know 2hiit about the guy...
14868	TA: bliind 2eem2 liike the operatiive concept.
14869	TA: kiinda liike a bliind donatiion.
14870	TA: and now we're fuckiing riich.
14871	TA: 2o ii gue22 you could 2ay...
14872	TA: they're the numeral2 of the bliind profiit2.
14873	TA: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/trollcool.gif" border="0" />
14874	GC: HURRR >8P
14875	GC: SO TH3N 1 GU3SS 1TS FROM 4N 4L13N
14876	TA: yeah.
14877	GC: M4YB3 W3 SHOULD T3LL K4RK4T
14878	GC: WH3N3V3R H3 W4K3S UP
14879	TA: ehhhhh, thii2 2hiit'2 probably not iimportant enough two bother hiim wiith.
14880	TA: iif he fiind2 out, he'll probably want two hatch 2ome dumba22 plan that make2 no 2en2e.
14881	TA: and badger me iintwo doiing a lot of miindnumbiing bu2ywork.
14882	TA: ii'd leave hiim alone.
14883	GC: WH4T DO3S H3 LOOK L1K3
14884	GC: OUR BL1ND DONOR
14885	TA: here come here ii'll open hiim up iin a viiewport.
14886	GC: OK
14887	TA: let'2 2hed 2ome...
14888	TA: LIIGHT on the 2ubject.
14889	TA: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/trollcool.gif" border="0" />
14890	GC: H4H4H4 TH4T W4SNT 3V3N 4NY SORT OF PUN YOU DOOFUS
14891	TA: that wa2 the joke 2hut the fuck up.
14892	Who'th thith douthchebag?
14893	The youngster receives striking new eyewear. Quite a handsome set. Perhaps it is customary for this species after emerging from the trials in the brooding caverns?
14894	Or just MAYBE, this is some sort of coolkid you are dealing with here.
14895	It seems the child's lusus was slain in the collision. He will grow up an orphan, just like you.
14896	This adult alien male appears to be taking on the role of his custodian, instead of killing the boy outright. What a fascinating culture.
14897	The fellow retrieves the lusus carcass. This appears to be a gentleman who knows better than to let good pony meat go to waste.
14898	You learn much of this young creature's civilization and its customs.
14899	The adult's puppet assistant commences the standard feeding ritual.
14900	The little coolkid is making a mess of his lovely new horseleather bib. It is about as adorable as it gets.
14901	This race appears to be quite martially adept, even from early childhood. They must have proven to be very powerful Sgrub players. No wonder they managed to make so much money.
14902	You suddenly understand everything.
14903	You cannot name him yet, no matter how inthufferable you find this coolkid to be! You will need to wait until his wriggling day, when he turns six solar sweeps.
14904	Mr. Appleberry Blast needs to step off. This kid is yours to mess with. You smelled him first!
14905	GC: H3Y 34RTH BOY
14906	GC: W41T...
14907	GC: 1 JUST 4SSUM3D YOU W3R3 4 BOY
14908	GC: M4YB3 YOUR3 4 G1RL?
14909	GC: 1 DONT KNOW MUCH 4BOUT YOUR W31RD HORNL3SS SP3C13S, 1 GU3SS YOU COULD B3 >:\
14910	TG: yes im a girl
14911	GC: OH R34LLY?
14912	GC: 34RTHL1NGS 4R3 R34LLY B1Z4RR3
14913	GC: NO OFF3NS3
14914	GC: WH4T 1S YOUR SP3C13S C4LL3D
14915	TG: north american hollering phallus baboon
14916	GC: >:?
14917	GC: 1 TH1NK YOU M1GHT B3 PULL1NG MY FROND, F3M4L3 34RTHL1NG
14918	TG: no its true we are highly endangered
14919	TG: when our territory is threatened thats when the indiscriminate fucking begins
14920	TG: could fuck a circus tent down a gas tank
14921	TG: bunch it up in there good
14922	TG: slam the lid and drive away
14923	TG: beep beep albino hairless dickmonkey coming through
14924	GC: 1M NOT SUR3 WH4T TH4T M34NS
14925	GC: BUT 1 SUSP3CT 1T W4S SOM3TH1NG H1GHLY L4SC1V1OUS >:|
14926	TG: the glittering civilization before you was built on angry apefuck power alone
14927	TG: stand agog and marvel bitch
14928	GC: H4H4H4 OK TH1S 1S NONS3NS3, YOU 4R3 4 JOK3R
14929	GC: L1K3 M3 >:]
14930	GC: MY N4M3 1S T3R3Z1, WH4TS YOURS
14931	TG: shaggy 2 dope
14932	GC: OK SH4GGY, S33
14933	GC: 1 C4N SM3LL D3C31T
14934	GC: L13S H4V3 4 SUBTL3 ODOR, 34SY TO M1SS 4T F1RST
14935	GC: BUT TH3 MOR3 TH3Y P1L3 UP TH3 MOR3 TH3Y ST1NK!
14936	GC: TH4T 1S NOT YOUR R34L N4M3
14937	TG: ok sorry
14938	TG: its ben stiller
14939	GC: 4LSO 1 DONT TH1NK YOUR3 R34LLY 4 G1RL
14940	TG: nope
14941	TG: sorry to disappoint you dude
14942	GC: 1 4M 4 G1RL NOT 4 BOY!
14943	TG: dont care
14944	GC: >:[
14945	GC: TH1S F1RST 3NCOUNT3R 1S NOT GO1NG 4S W3LL 4S 1 HOP3D
14946	TG: oh man another failed trolling attempt
14947	TG: i had such high hopes trapezi it started out brilliantly
14948	GC: T3R3Z1!!!!!!!!
14949	GC: 4ND 1 4M NOT TROLL1NG YOU, 1 4M JUST TRY1NG TO G3T TO KNOW 4 L1TTL3 4BOUT YOU 4ND YOUR SP3C13S
14950	GC: 1 JUST D1SCOV3R3D 1T 4ND 1 4M CUR1OUS
14951	TG: excuse me but it says right in the header of this conversation that youre trolling me
14952	TG: persterchum always knows
14953	GC: OH...
14954	GC: OH Y34H
14955	GC: BUT
14956	GC: OK TH1S M1GHT B3 H4RD FOR 4N 34RTH B4BOON TO UND3RST4ND
14957	GC: BUT TROLL 1S 4 V3RB TH4T H4S 4 LOT OF NU4NC3
14958	GC: TH3 WORD C4N M34N 4 LOT OF TH1NGS
14959	GC: FOR 1NST4NC3, 1 4M 4 TROLL!
14960	TG: no shit
14961	GC: NO 1 M34N
14962	GC: TH4TS WH4T MY SP3C13S 1S C4LL3D
14963	TG: ok
14964	TG: let me just set aside some time to be stupid enough to believe that
14965	TG: hey looks like next month is chemical lobotomy month youre in luck
14966	GC: OH GOD WH4T 4 SM4RT4SS!
14967	GC: SM4RT4SS13ST 4L13N 3V3R
14968	TG: so what do you think
14969	TG: time to block you yet or what
14970	GC: NO!
14971	GC: L3TS K33P T4LK1NG
14972	GC: UM
14973	GC: WH4T 4R3 YOU DO1NG NOW
14974	TG: drawing a comic
14975	GC: H3Y 1 L1K3 TO DR4W TOO
14976	GC: 1M R34LLY QU1T3 GR34T 4T 1T
14977	TG: awesome
14978	GC: C4N YOU SHOW M3 YOUR COM1C
14979	TG: nah
14980	GC: COM3 ON
14981	GC: 1 W1LL DR4W YOU SOM3TH1NG 1N R3TURN
14982	GC: 1T W1LL B3 4 CULTUR4L 3XCH4NG3
14983	TG: i dunno
14984	TG: you seem kinda young to me and this thing is like
14985	TG: borderline pornographic
14986	TG: how old are you
14987	GC: 6
14988	TG: goddamn
14989	TG: ok now youre messing with me arent you you arent 6
14990	GC: NO 1TS TRU3!
14991	TG: whatever thats bullshit
14992	TG: ok fuck it
14993	TG: just dont tell your parents
14994	GC: WH4T 4R3 P4R3NTS
14995	TG: thats just about the saddest thing i ever heard get said
14996	TG: here
14997	TG: http://tinyurl.com/CDandSL
14998	GC: 1 4M NOT SUR3 WH4T 1S PORNOGR4PH1C 4BOUT TH4T
14999	GC: 1TS JUST K1ND OF STR4NG3
15000	TG: i guess
15001	GC: 1TS PR3TTY GOOD THOUGH
15002	TG: its ok
15003	TG: im not thrilled with this direction though i think its too much like my bros stuff
15004	TG: need to figure out my own ironic statement to make
15005	TG: spread my wings you know
15006	GC: Y3S
15007	GC: 1 TH1NK YOU C4N DO TH4T
15008	GC: YOU JUST H4V3 TO F1GUR3 OUT WH4T TH3 TRUTH 1S 1NS1D3 YOU
15009	TG: pretty deep troll girl
15010	GC: 1TS TRU3!
15011	GC: TH3R3 1S 4 LOT 1N YOUR M1ND WH1CH 1S CONC34L3D FROM YOUR SURF4C3 P3RC3PT1ON
15012	GC: YOU JUST N33D TO TRY TO B3COM3 4W4R3 OF 1T
15013	GC: CLOS3 YOUR 3Y3S
15014	GC: 4ND T3LL M3 WH4T YOU S33 1N YOUR M1NDSP4C3
15015	TG: ok
15016	TG: i see
15017	TG: that fucking puppet
15018	GC: H4H4 Y3S YOUR 4DULT CUSTOD14NS S3RV4NT PUPP3T
15019	TG: uh what
15020	GC: WH4T 3LS3 DO YOU S33
15021	TG: man i dunno
15022	TG: wheres this drawing you promised me
15023	GC: OH Y34H
15024	GC: H4NG ON
15025	GC: OK H3R3 YOU GO B3N ST1LL3R
15026	GC: http://tinyurl.com/FORB3NST1LL3R
15027	TG: oh my fucking hell
15028	TG: that is horrendous
15029	TG: in the most beautiful way
15030	GC: TH4NK YOU B3N >:]
15031	TG: god damn
15032	TG: that mouth
15033	TG: its like
15034	TG: i dont know
15035	TG: a fucking pork chop
15036	TG: jegus
15037	TG: i mean jesus
15038	TG: so overwhelmed i cant even damn type
15039	GC: Y3S W3LL
15040	GC: B3N 1 4M DR4W1NG W1TH 4 MOUS3 YOU KNOW
15041	TG: is there even any other way to draw on a computer
15042	TG: fuckin doubt it
15043	GC: 1M ST4RT1NG TO TH1NK YOUR N4M3 1SNT B3N
15044	GC: 1 TH1NK TH4T W4S 4NOTH3R RUS3
15045	GC: T3LL M3 YOUR R34L N4M3!!! >:[
15046	TG: ok lets say its
15047	TG: dave why not
15048	GC: D4V3!
15049	GC: TH4T SM3LLS L1K3 TRUTH
15050	GC: 1 W1LL D3C1D3 TO B3L13V3 1T >:]
15051	TG: fuck
15052	GC: OK D4V3, 1 H4V3 4 LOT TO DO
15053	GC: BUT 1 W1LL G3T B4CK TO YOU
15054	TG: what the hell could you possibly have to do
15055	TG: doesnt seem like youre into trolling us as much as your numbnut friends
15056	GC: MY FR13NDS?
15057	GC: 4R3 YOU SUGG3ST1NG OTH3RS L1K3 M3 H4V3 TROLL3D YOU
15058	TG: yeah what didnt you get the memo
15059	GC: 1 WR1T3 TH3 M3MOS!!!
15060	GC: 1 M1GHT NOT H4V3 WR1TT3N TH1S ON3 Y3T THOUGH...
15061	GC: 1 SHOULD PROB4BLY RUN TH1S BY
15062	GC: UH
15063	GC: MY L34D3R
15064	TG: your leader
15065	TG: thats a retarded thing to say even by the standard of your own bullshit made up vernacular
15066	GC: SM4RT4SS!
15067	TG: whos he really
15068	TG: your boyfriend or something
15069	GC: PFFFFFFFF Y34H R1GHT
15070	GC: W3LL OK
15071	GC: 1 M34N
15072	GC: 1TS B33N SORT OF COMPL1C4T3D W1TH H1M
15073	TG: ok asking for an explanation on that is pretty much the exact opposite of what im doing
15074	TG: and interesteds the opposite of what im being
15075	GC: SM4RT
15076	GC: 4SS
15077	GC: >:P
15078	GC: 4CTU4LLY H3S K1ND OF SM4RT4SSY L1K3 YOU NOW TH4T 1 TH1NK 4BOUT 1T
15079	GC: BUT YOU S33M C4LM 1NST34D OF SHOUTY 4LL TH3 T1M3
15080	GC: 4LSO
15081	GC: YOU TYP3 1N BR1GHT BOLD R3D
15082	GC: YOU DONT H1D3 TH3 COLOR OF YOUR BLOOD L1K3 4 STUP1D W1GGL3R >:]
15083	TG: ok that remark was almost as boring as it was weird
15084	GC: OH P1P3 DOWN D4V3, 1 4M TRY1NG TO P4Y YOU 4 COMPL1M3NT!
15085	GC: 1 4M HOLD1NG OUT TH3 1NT3RSP3C13S OL1V3 BR4NCH H3R3, 4ND YOU 4R3 G1V1NG 1T 4 GOOD F1RM S4SS GR4B
15086	TG: haha
15087	GC: ON3 D4Y YOU W1LL RU3 4LL TH1S S4SS YOU H4V3 D1SH3D D4V3
15088	GC: YOU M4Y NOT B3 4 G1RL, BUT YOU W1LL CRY L1K3 ON3 WH3N 1 4M THROUGH W1TH YOU
15089	TG: i dont cry
15090	GC: YOU W1LL
15091	GC: TH3R3 W1LL B3 T34RS
15092	GC: TH3Y W1LL SM3LL S4LTY, 4ND TH3N YOUR CH33KS W1LL B3 MY S4NDY B34CH >8]
15093	TG: oh god
15094	GC: OK, 1 W1LL G3T B4CK TO YOU 4FT3R YOU B3G1N PL4Y1NG
15095	GC: TH4T W1LL B3 N3XT SOL4R SW33P FOR YOU
15096	GC: TRY NOT TO B3 TOO 1MP4T13NT FOR MY R3TURN
15097	TG: i plan on forgetting about you instantly after this conversation
15098	GC: Y34H R1GHT
15099	GC: YOU KNOW 1 H4V3 L3FT MY M4RK
15100	GC: 1 4M S33R3D 1NTO YOUR R3T1N4S
15101	GC: L1K3 4 B1G R3D SUN
15102	TG: well maybe
15103	TG: even if thats the case
15104	TG: ill just forget on principle
15105	GC: TH4T SOUNDS L1K3 SOM3TH1NG TH4T 4 COOL K1D WOULD TRY TO DO
15106	TG: yeah
15107	TG: pretty cool guy here
15108	TG: case you hadnt noticed
15109	GC: 1 MOST C3RT41NLY D1DNT H4DNT NOT1C3D >:]
15110	You are suddenly the awesome coolkid.
15111	In a different game session.
15112	In the future.
15113	TG: what the fuck was the point of this again
15114	GC: WHY D4V3
15115	GC: WH4T 1S TH1S TH4T MY NOS3 D3T3CTS
15116	GC: COULD 1T B3
15117	GC: T34RS??? >:O
15118	TG: this is bullshit
15119	TG: this was a setup all along
15120	GC: 1 TOLD YOU YOU WOULD CRY D4V3
15121	GC: 1 TOLD YOU BRO................ >8y
15122	TG: ok jegus
15123	TG: dont say it
15124	TG: if you say i warned you about tears or something one more time
15125	TG: i swear to gog
15126	GC: DONT!
15127	GC: DONT S4Y YOUR3 GO1NG TO DO 4N 4CROB4T1C SOM3RS4ULT OR P1RHOU3TT3 OFF OF SOM3TH1NG, J3GUS
15128	GC: 1 G3T 1T 4LR34DY!
15129	TG: ok fine
15130	TG: our memes can cancel each other out this time
15131	GC: Y3S 4GR33D
15132	GC: NOW DRY THOS3 SORRY 3Y3S D4V3
15133	GC: TRY NOT TO B3 SUCH 4 FUCK1NG W1MP
15134	GC: 1T 1S UNFL4TT3R1NG B3H4V1OR FOR 4 COOLK1D OF YOUR ST4TUR3
15135	TG: god dammit
15136	TG: im not actually crying
15137	TG: its the fucking onions
15138	TG: these piece of shit crocodiles are lambasting me with them
15139	GC: TH4TS TH3 L4M3ST 3XCUS3 1V3 3V3R H34RD
15140	GC: WHO 3V3R H34RD OF 4 S1LLY L1TTL3 ON1ON M4K1NG SOM3ON3 CRY, 1T 1S 4BSURD
15141	TG: i guess the stench of onions is covering up the smell of the truth how convenient
15142	TG: also your nose sux youre not even any good at smellin at all
15143	GC: >8O TH4T 1S OUTR4G3OUS
15144	GC: BUT 1 KNOW YOU 4R3 JUST TRY1NG TO G3T MY 34RTH GO4T
15145	GC: FOR HUM4N 1RON1C PURPOS3S
15146	TG: the only thing im getting
15147	TG: is out of this goddamn idiot cauldron here
15148	GC: NO D4V3 DONT! YOU 4R3 GO1NG TO M4K3 TH3 MOST D3L1C1OUS SOUP
15149	GC: 1T 1S M4K1NG M3 HUNGRY JUST TH1NK1NG 4BOUT 1T >:O~
15150	TG: the only thing im going to make
15151	TG: is like banana and split
15152	TG: out of this bubbling pail of misery
15153	GC: OH GOG...
15154	GC: YOUR3 R1GHT
15155	GC: YOU 4R3 S1TT1NG 1N 4 HUG3 P41L >:o
15156	TG: why whats the relevance of that
15157	TG: tell me its more alien nonsense it will be so awesome to hear more of that
15158	GC: 1 4M NOT GO1NG TO 3XPL41N 1 WOULD B3 TOO 3MB4RR4SS3D
15159	TG: man
15160	TG: why did i ever agree to go along with this horseshit
15161	GC: B3C4US3 YOU H4D TO, 1T W4S 1N YOUR FUTUR3
15162	GC: 4ND B3S1D3S YOU MUST US3 D1PLOM4CY TO W1N OV3R YOUR CONSORTS
15163	GC: S33 LOOK D4V3, TH3Y 4LL LOV3 YOU NOW! YOU 4R3 TH3 H3RO, 1TS YOU >:]
15164	GC: NOW TH3Y W1LL G1V3 YOU 4LL TH3 S3CR3TS OF TH3 L4ND
15165	TG: what secrets
15166	TG: they dont have any secrets
15167	TG: look at them theyre morons
15168	TG: the only secret theyve got is how many times a day they accidentally flush their medical alert bracelets down the toilet
15169	GC: D4V3, TH3Y 4R3 STUP1D 4ND Y3T V3RY W1S3
15170	GC: YOU H4V3 MUCH TO L34RN 4ND 1 W1LL K33P H3LP1NG YOU L34RN 1T!
15171	GC: 3V3N 1F YOU 4R3 4 HUG3 CRYB4BY WHO 1S 34S1LY UPS3T BY CHOPP3D V3G3T4BL3S
15172	TG: ok im gonna change out of this wet suit
15173	TG: and into a dry shut your fucking mouth
15174	GC: >8Y BLUHHHHHHH
15175	TG: there now i wont be satisfying your crazy red fetish either
15176	GC: >:'C
15177	GC: NOW 1 4M CRY1NG TOO YOU S33 WH4T YOU D1D
15178	TG: all you get to smell is black
15179	TG: like licorice or something
15180	TG: you hate licorice right
15181	GC: 1 LOV3 L1COR1C3
15182	TG: shit
15183	TG: ok lets say i dont smell like licorice then
15184	TG: i smell like
15185	TG: a coal miners asshole
15186	GC: TOO L4T3!
15187	GC: 1T 4LR34DY SM3LLS L1K3 L1COR1C3 S1NC3 YOU S41D TH4T, 4ND NOW 1 C4NT UNSM3LL 1T
15188	TG: whatever
15189	TG: anyway
15190	TG: probably bout time i got on with this game
15191	TG: sans these pointless sidequests you want drag me through for kicks
15192	TG: later terezi nice knowing you
15193	GC: W41T!
15194	GC: YOU C4N'T D1TCH M3, W3V3 GOT 1MPORT4NT STUFF TO DO TOG3TH3R
15195	TG: unlikely
15196	GC: OH
15197	GC: H3Y >:o
15198	GC: HOW DO YOU KNOW MY N4M3?
15199	TG: you told me remember
15200	GC: Y34H, BUT 1 THOUGHT YOU FORGOT!
15201	TG: why would i forget
15202	GC: YOU S41D YOU W3R3 GO1NG TO M4K3 4 PO1NT OF FORG3TT1NG!
15203	TG: oh
15204	TG: i guess i forgot i was supposed to forget
15205	GC: W3LL TH3N
15206	GC: M1ST3R D4V3 STR1D3R
15207	GC: 1 4M GL4D TH4T YOU FORGOT TO FORG3T >:D
15208	TG: uh alright
15209	GC: OH!!!
15210	GC: SP34K1NG OF FORG3TT1NG TO NOT FORG3T TH1NGS
15211	GC: 1 FORGOT TO SHOW YOU TH1S
15212	GC: PR3TTY SPOT ON DONT YOU TH1NK
15213	GC: http://tinyurl.com/SPOTONSTR1D3R
15214	TG: what the hell
15215	GC: H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4
15216	GC: 4BSOLUT3 P3RF3CT1ON!
15217	GC: 4ND TH3R3 GO3S TH3 B1G M4N 1N H1S 34RTH SPORT, DR1V1NG TH3 HOOP THROUGH TH3 P41NT........
15218	GC: DOWN TOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
15219	TG: whats your obsession with making this goofy bullshit anyway
15220	TG: is it troll irony
15221	GC: 1 H4V3 D3V3LOP3D 4 P4SS1ON FOR COMB1NG YOUR 1NT3RN3T FOR TH3 COOL K1DS
15222	GC: 4ND M4K1NG TH3M COOL3R
15223	GC: BY STR1D3RFY1NG TH3M >:]
15224	TG: dont get me wrong its awesome
15225	GC: TH4NK YOU D4V3
15226	GC: HON3STLY 1 TH1NK 1 4M 4 B3TT3R 4RT1ST TH4N 1 H4V3 PR3S3NT3D SO F4R
15227	GC: 1F ONLY 1 COULD DR4W YOU SOM3TH1NG W1TH MY CH4LK >:\
15228	GC: OH!!!
15229	GC: 1 KNOW, 1 C4N BORROW MY FR13NDS DR4W1NG T4BL3T
15230	GC: 1 W1LL DO TH4T 1N 4 L1TTL3 WH1L3
15231	TG: thats cool
15232	GC: D4V3 W3 SHOULD TR4D3 SOM3 DR4W1NGS
15233	GC: YOU 4ND M3
15234	TG: sure thats fine
15235	TG: im still gonna go off and do my own thing though
15236	TG: later
15237	GC: W41T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
15238	TG: dammit what
15239	GC: OK 1 G3T TH4T YOU 4R3 TH1S R4D LON3R 4ND YOU TH1NK YOU H4V3 1T 4LL F1GUR3D OUT
15240	GC: BUT HOW 4BOUT TH1S
15241	GC: 1F 1 4M M34NT TO H3LP YOU, TH3N YOUR FUTUR3 S3LF OUGHT TO V1S1T YOU R1GHT NOW 4ND G1V3 YOU 4 THUMBS UP, R1GHT?
15242	GC: 1T W1LL B3 YOUR W4Y OF CONF1RM1NG TO YOURS3LF TH4T 1 C4N B3 TRUST3D
15243	GC: TH3R3 1S NO W4Y YOU WOULD PL4N TO DO TH4T 1N TH3 FUTUR3 1F YOU 3ND UP R3GR3TT1NG MY H3LP
15244	GC: DO3S TH4T SOUND F41R?
15245	TG: yeah fine but i doubt that i
15246	TG: oh fuck there i am hiding behind that column
15247	GC: >8D
15248	TG: ok so whats the plan
15249	GC: 1 THOUGHT YOU WOULD N3V3R 4SK
15250	GC: TH3R3 4R3 SO M4NY PL4NS
15251	GC: W3 4R3 GO1NG TO B3 SO BUSY D4V3, YOU H4V3 NO 1D34
15252	TG: thats cool
15253	TG: but whats the answer that doesnt have anything to do with meaningless bullshit
15254	GC: 1SNT 1T OBV1OUS?
15255	GC: NOW TH4T W3 4R3 4 T34M D4V3
15256	GC: YOU 4ND M3
15257	GC: 1T 1S T1M3
15258	TG: time
15259	TG: for
15260	GC: T1M3
15261	TG: for
15262	TG: come on
15263	GC: FOR............
15264	TG: ......
15265	TG: ...........
15266	GC: .............................
15267	GC: FOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR..............
15268	TG: god dammit
15269	GC: 4 MOTH3R FUCK1NG D4NC3 P4RTY!!!!!!! >:O!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
15270	GC: http://tinyurl.com/OMGD4NC3P4RTY
15271	TG: whoa
15272	TG: its like
15273	TG: watching a miracle made of nothing but twitching schroder legs
15274	GC: YOU S33 D4V3
15275	GC: 1 TOLD YOU, YOU W1LL NOT R3GR3T H1TCH1NG YOUR SH1TTY JP3GGY FOUR WH33L D3V1C3 TO MY CONST3LL4T1ON
15276	GC: TH1S 1S WH3R3 TH3 P4RTYS 4T
15277	TG: look at us go
15278	TG: i cant stop watching
15279	TG: damn
15280	TG: those moves
15281	GC: TRUST M3
15282	GC: TH3S3 MOV3S DONT STOP K33P T4K1NG PL4C3
15283	GC: NOT 4T TH1S P4RTY
15284	TG: i can see im going to have to drop everything
15285	TG: drop it like its simultaneously hot and i just tripped over the rug
15286	TG: dedicate my undivided attention to this shit
15287	GC: D4V3, WHY TR1P OV3R TH4T RUG...
15288	GC: WH3N YOU C4N CUT 1T????? >:]
15289	GC: T4PP4 T4P T4P 4 P4P!
15290	GC: SHOOSH SHOOSH!
15291	TG: damn youre right
15292	TG: truth be told everyone will be tripping when im done
15293	TG: once i upset this biznasty with my swift cuts
15294	TG: dudes will phalanx themselves agape like theyre offerin to store my shit in their mouths for the night
15295	TG: rows of glasseyed human fly catchers beholding categorical fucking domination of the dance floor
15296	TG: but they wont catch none cause the flys all mine
15297	GC: YOU H4V3 4LL TH3 D3L1C1OUS FL13S
15298	TG: theres not any i dont have
15299	TG: im crafting a new dance move
15300	TG: to shock the shit out of asses in pants
15301	TG: fred astaires ghost will weep in the arms of his own nimble rotting corpse
15302	GC: WH4T 1S YOUR N3W MOV3 D4V3 >:?
15303	TG: its called
15304	TG: the smug cracker parlor wiggle
15305	GC: >:O
15306	GC: 1 1M4G1N3 TH3S3 GYR4T1ONS W1LL SM3LL QU1T3 FR3SH
15307	GC: L1K3 R3C3NTLY L34V3N3D GRUBLO4F
15308	TG: of course
15309	TG: and just when the scene thought it was startin to recover from its ridiculous erection over that
15310	TG: thats when i bust out another fierce move
15311	TG: i call it rageclock me in the douche smirk plz
15312	TG: cut out to the rude jam "askin 4 it!"
15313	GC: HOW RUD3 WOULD YOU S4Y TH1S J4M 1S D4V3
15314	TG: id say if i had to take an educated guess it was outright goddamn unmannerly
15315	TG: needs to get worked over by some stuffy prude at finishing school
15316	GC: W1LL YOU T34CH M3 TH3S3 MOV3S
15317	TG: i dont know about that
15318	GC: PL34S3 D4V3
15319	GC: YOU ST4ND TH3R3 4ND DO TH3 UNM4NN3RLY MOV3S, 4ND 1 W1LL OBS3RV3 STUD1OUSLY
15320	TG: i dont know if you can keep up with me kid
15321	TG: no offense
15322	TG: theres just magic in these shoes and the coy gnome i ransacked wants them goddamn back
15323	GC: COM3 ON
15324	GC: YOU T4K3 TH3 L34D
15325	GC: 4ND 1 W1LL FOLLOW
15326	GC: L1K3 TH1S
15327	GC: http://tinyurl.com/T34CHM3YOURMOV3SD4V3
15328	TG: ahahahahahaha
15329	TG: i feel like i should be offering some visual rebuttal here
15330	TG: you arent giving me any time though dammit
15331	GC: TH4T 1S B3C4US3 1 H4V3 YOU 4T TH3 T3MPOR4L D1S4DV4NT4G3
15332	GC: 1 C4N P4US3 4ND DO WH4T3V3R 1 L1K3 4ND TH3N CONT1NU3 OUR CONV3RS4T1ON W1THOUT M1SS1NG 4 ST3P!
15333	GC: BUT DO NOT WORRY D4V3
15334	GC: 1T WOULD B3 4 SH4M3 TO H4V3 TO WH1FF YOUR FR4GR4NT T34RS 4G41N
15335	GC: 3V3NTU4LLY TH3 T4BL3S W1LL TURN 4ND TH3 4DV4NT4G3 W1LL B3 YOURS
15336	GC: YOU W1LL H4V3 4LL TH3 T1M3 1N TH3 PR3N4T4L UN1V3RS3 4T YOUR D1SPOS4L
15337	GC: B31NG TH3 KN1GHT OF T1M3 4ND 4LL
15338	TG: oh yeah
15339	TG: i keep forgetting i can time travel
15340	TG: thats fine i guess
15341	GC: 4ND ONC3 YOU H4V3 TH3 UPP3R H4ND
15342	GC: 4ND TH3R3 4R3 MOR3 D4V3S SCR4MBL1NG 4ROUND TH4N YOU C4N SH4K3 4 BROK3N SWORD 4T
15343	GC: TH3N YOU W1LL G3T YOUR CH4NC3 TO 1MPR3SS M3 >;]
15344	GC: L1K3 SO
15345	GC: http://tinyurl.com/TH3FLO4R-1SONF1R3
15346	TG: see
15347	TG: i cant compete with this
15348	GC: H3H3H3H3H3
15349	TG: but seriously what is the real plan here
15350	TG: that has to do with not fucking around
15351	GC: TH3R3 1S NO PL4N TH4T DO3S NOT 1NVOLV3 FUCK1NG 4ROUND
15352	GC: BUT W3 W1LL M4K3 SUR3 4LL OF OUR FUCK1NG W1LL B3 4PPL13D 1N 4 CONSTRUCT1V3 D1R3CT1ON
15353	TG: ok could you try to be somehow even less subtle when you hit on me thanks
15354	GC: WH4T
15355	GC: WH4T D1D 1 S4Y?
15356	TG: man
15357	TG: nevermind
15358	GC: YOU W1LL H4V3 TO FORG1V3 M3 D4V3, 1 TH1NK SOM3T1M3S TH3 M34N1NG OF WORDS 1S LOST THROUGH OUR CULTUR4L D1FF3R3NC3S
15359	TG: no shit
15360	TG: im going to infer that your species reproduces by having sex with a grub in a bucket or something
15361	TG: am i close
15362	GC: D4V3
15363	GC: TH4T 1S 4BSOLUT3LY TH3 F1LTH13ST TH1NG 1 H4V3 3V3R H34RD 4NYON3 S4Y >:\
15364	TG: ok sorry
15365	TG: back on point
15366	TG: what are we doing
15367	GC: W3LL, W3 N33D TO ST4RT M4K1NG YOU SOM3 MON3Y
15368	GC: LOTS 4ND LOTS 4ND LOTS OF 1T!
15369	TG: ok
15370	GC: WH3N YOU H4V3 S4V3D UP 3NOUGH
15371	GC: W3 W1LL BUY YOU YOUR F1RST FR4YMOT1F
15372	GC: TH3N YOU C4N ST4RT CUTT1NG OUT TRULY TH3 FLY3ST OF MOV3S
15373	GC: 4ND TH4T 1S WH3N W3 W1LL B3G1N TH3 MOST POORLY B3H4V3D D4NC3 P4RTY OF 4LL >:D
15374	TG: sounds cool
15375	GC: D3MONS 4ND D3N1Z3NS 4L1K3 W1LL TR3MBL3 B3FOR3 YOUR F1DG3TY GYR4T1ONS
15376	GC: 4ND MOST 1MPORT4NTLY, YOU W1LL PROV3 YOURS3LF TO B3 TH3 B3ST HUM4N BOY OF 4LL
15377	GC: W4Y B3TT3R TH4N TH4T DORKY 3GB3RT 4ND WHO3V3R M1GHT B3 M3DDL1NG W1TH H1M 4T 4NY G1V3N MOM3NT
15378	TG: huh what an odd thing to say
15379	TG: it demands no explanation whatsoever
15380	GC: NO OF COURS3 NOT
15381	TG: so how do i start making all this money
15382	GC: P4T13NC3!
15383	GC: R3M3MB3R HOW 1 S41D YOU H4V3 PL3NTY OF T1M3
15384	TG: tell me anyway
15385	GC: OK W3LL T4K3 WH4T YOU H4V3 S4V3D UP FROM CL1MB1NG YOUR 3CH3L4DD3R TO ST4RT W1TH
15386	GC: HOW MUCH DO YOU H4V3?
15387	TG: dont know
15388	TG: i never even looked at it
15389	GC: D3RRRRP, N1C3 JOB 4C3 G4M3R
15390	GC: M4YB3 YOU SHOULD H4V3 4 LOOK 4T 1T
15391	TG: k
15392	GC: 4ND TH3N 1 W1LL 4DV1S3 YOU L4T3R 4FT3R OBS3RV1NG TH3 GR4ND SCH3M3 OF 4LL TH1NGS 4ND 4LL D4V3S
15393	GC: 1 W1LL L34V3 YOU 4LON3 FOR 4 L1TTL3 WH1L3 TO W4ND3R 4ND 3XPLOR3
15394	GC: BUT 1 W1LL B3 B4CK!
15395	GC: 4ND 1 W1LL COM3 B4CK W1TH 4 DR4W1NG T4BL3T
15396	GC: 4ND TH3N YOU W1LL S33 SOM3 TRU3 M4ST3RP13C3S
15397	TG: ok after all this hype you better be prepared to fucking dazzle me
15398	TG: are you gonna bring it?
15399	GC: 4LLOW M3 TO PROV1D3 4N 4NSW3R THROUGH 1NT3RPR3T1V3 D4NC3
15400	GC: http://tinyurl.com/H3LLFUCK1NGY3S
15401	TG: awesome
15402	TG: peace out t-z
15403	GC: >:)
15404	TG: oh shit
15405	GC: >:?
15406	GC: WH4T 1S 1T?????
15407	TG: fuck
15408	EB: hey vriska!
15409	EB: ok, i still cannot find my nanna up here, so now i am just installing this game.
15410	EB: what are you up to?
15411	AG: John! What the hell. There are so many things wrong with what you just said.
15412	AG: First of all, who told you you could just hassle me without warning like this? That's not how this works!
15413	EB: why not? you guys do it all the time.
15414	AG: Yes, 8ecause we are trolling you! Those are the rules. We get to 8ug you any time we feel like, and you have to sit there and t8ke it like a chump.
15415	EB: bluh...
15416	AG: I am too 8usy to 8e fielding your nonsense at the drop of one of your a8surd human hats. I have a ridiculous num8er of irons in the fire. You will speak to me only when I am ready to contact you, is that clear????????
15417	EB: that's dumb. i'm going to talk to you whenever i want!
15418	AG: Secondly, I am very pissed off that you figured out my name.
15419	EB: well, i didn't know it was your name for sure until you just told me now.
15420	EB: so, haha.
15421	AG: Dammit!
15422	AG: Who told you?
15423	EB: heheh, i am not telling.
15424	EB: a true wise guy never reveals his tricks.
15425	AG: I will find out who told you. And then I will m8ke them p8y.
15426	EB: nuh uh!
15427	EB: anyway, i was just wondering if you had a chance to watch that awesome video i linked you to?
15428	AG: What video?
15429	EB: you know...
15430	EB: the one about the renegade hero who busted loose from the slammer to save the day.
15431	AG: John, the way you descri8e movies makes them sound extremely stupid. Why would I want to watch this crap????????
15432	EB: just do it, you won't be sorry.
15433	EB: i mean, when you are not so busy and have less irons in the fire or whatever.
15434	EB: ok, i am starting this game now and saving jade, like a street tough maverick with nothing to lose.
15435	EB: see ya, vriska!
15436	AG: XXXX|
15437	EB: oh, damn...
15438	AG: ::::?
15439	AG: What is it now!
15440	EB: fuck.
15441	John is suddenly preoccupied with something. How dare he bother you and then leave you hanging like this.
15442	You guess you can spare a moment to watch this terrible video. Why does that nerdy kid have to be so persuasive?
15443	CG: HEY SHITHEAD YOU ARE IN HUGE TROUBLE.
15444	CG: A WORD WITH YOU AND YOUR FRIEND.
15445	EB: oh no.
15446	EB: which conversation is this for you? your second or so?
15447	CG: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT
15448	EB: i mean...
15449	EB: the second time you have spoken to me?
15450	EB: or first??
15451	CG: JOHN, FOR ALL INTENTS AND PURPOSES, THIS IS OUR TEN MILLIONTH CONVERSATION.
15452	EB: oh.
15453	EB: i thought you were going backwards though.
15454	CG: I WAS
15455	CG: GOT BACK TO THE BEGINNING
15456	CG: AND THEN JUMPED AHEAD AGAIN A BUNCH OF TIMES.
15457	CG: STOP BEING SO LINEAR, IT'S GETTING OLD.
15458	CG: NOW I NEED YOU TO JOIN THIS MEMO SO WE CAN DISCUSS SOMETHING IMPORTANT.
15459	EB: memo?
15460	CG: CLICK THE AWESOME BANNER I MADE.
15461	CG: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/FRUITYRUMPUSASSHOLEFACTORY.gif" border="0" />
15462	EB: uh...
15463	EB: ok.
15464	CG: HEY SHITHEAD YOU ARE IN HUGE TROUBLE.
15465	CG: A WORD WITH YOU AND YOUR FRIEND.
15466	TG: i thought you were asleep
15467	CG: YES DAVE, I WAS ASLEEP AT ONE POINT.
15468	CG: IT STANDS TO REASON I AM NOW AND WILL ALWAYS BE ASLEEP AT EVERY POINT ON ALL TIMELINES.
15469	CG: THAT REALLY MAKES A LOT OF FUCKING SENSE.
15470	CG: NOW YOU, ME, AND EGBERT NEED TO HAVE A CHAT.
15471	CG: HERE I MADE A COOL BANNER USING SOME OF YOUR SHITTY EARTH CLIP ART.
15472	CG: CLICK IT.
15473	CG: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/FRUITYRUMPUSASSHOLEFACTORY.gif" border="0" />
15474	TG: not cool
15475	TG: luring me into your cyber boobytrap with shitty clip art who told you my weakness
15476	CG: IT'LL WORK, WON'T IT?
15477	TG: obviously
15478	?CG AT ?:?? opened memo on board FRUITY RUMPUS ASSHOLE FACTORY.
15479	CURRENT turntechGodhead [CTG] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
15480	CTG: what
15481	CURRENT ectoBiologist [CEB] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
15482	CEB: ok, i am here.
15483	CEB: oh, hi dave!
15484	CTG: hey
15485	CEB: what is going on in here?
15486	CTG: some kinda asshole rumpus looks like
15487	?CG: EVERYBODY SHUT THE FUCK UP, I HATE YOU BOTH, ETC. ETC. ETC.
15488	?CG: NOW THAT THE PLEASANTRIES ARE OUT OF THE WAY, THERE IS IMPORTANT BUSINESS TO DISCUSS.
15489	?CG: THIS MEMO IS NOT ABOUT WHICH GUY CAN MANAGE TO BE THE HEFTIEST SACK OF SHAME GLOBES TO ONE ANOTHER.
15490	?CG: IT IS NOT ABOUT WHICH ONE OF US WILL MOST DECISIVELY ESCORT THE OTHERS "TO SCHOOL", WHERE THEY WILL RECEIVE A VAST HELPING OF "OH SNAP" RAMMED DOWN THEIR INSATIABLE IGNORANCE SHAFTS.
15491	?CG: THIS IS AN IMPORTANT CONVERSATION WHICH I BELIEVE NEEDS TO TAKE PLACE HERE AND NOW, SO YOU WILL BOTH SHAPE YOUR SHIT UP AND PERHAPS BEGIN TO APPROXIMATE PEOPLE WHO AREN'T EXCRUCIATINGLY RETARDED.
15492	CTG: ok later windbag
15493	?CG: STRIDER FUCK OFF
15494	?CG: AND BY FUCK OFF I MEAN FUCK OFF RIGHT BACK HERE AND LISTEN, YOU INSUFFERABLE PRICK.
15495	CEB: yeah, dave, don't go!
15496	CEB: i think we should listen to what he has to say.
15497	?CG: YES, LISTEN TO YOUR LEADER DAVE.
15498	?CG: AS DUMB AS EGBERT IS, HE IS SMARTER THAN YOU AND IS THE RIGHTFUL SUPERIOR AMONG YOUR DREARY LITTLE PARTY.
15499	?CG: BUT I AM THE SUPERIOR OF BOTH OF YOU AND WHAT YOU REALLY NEED TO BE DOING IS LISTENING TO ME.
15500	?CG: SO DAVE, TRY TO KEEP ALL THOSE SICK FIRES CHECKED AND THOSE STOIC LIPS PURSED FOR A GOD DAMNED SECOND
15501	?CG: AND TAKE THIS SIMPLE BIT OF HATEFRIENDLY ADVICE:
15502	?CG: STOP HITTING ON TEREZI IMMEDIATELY, IT'S FUCKING EMBARRASSING TO WATCH.
15503	CTG: nah
15504	CEB: haha, dave you're hitting on terezi? really??
15505	CTG: no
15506	CTG: but whatever he thinks im doing im not going to stop
15507	CTG: the guys jealous obviously he thinks his girlfriend has a thing for me and you know what hes probably right
15508	CTG: but what else is new just another lady from outer space mackin on me whatever chance she gets
15509	?CG: OH, HA HA! IF SMUG WAS A MOTORCYCLE, IT JUST JUMPED OVER A FUCKING CANYON.
15510	?CG: THE CROWD GOES WILD WITH DISMAY, AND THEN COMMITS MASS SUICIDE.
15511	CEB: karkat, is terezi really your girlfriend?
15512	?CG: GUESS WHAT THIS CONVERSATION IS ABOUT! NOT THAT PARTICULAR TOPIC.
15513	?CG: ALSO GUESS WHOSE BUSINESS THAT STILL ISN'T, FUCKING YOURS, THAT'S RIGHT.
15514	CTG: pretty sure she is
15515	CTG: or he thinks she is or something
15516	CTG: made it pretty obvious when he started ranting at me months ago
15517	CTG: back when i suspected these trolls were full of shit
15518	CTG: but now look how far weve come
15519	CTG: theres not any doubt left about that at all
15520	?CG: EVEN IF THERE WAS ANYTHING GOING ON, WHICH THERE DEFINITELY [OOPS TIME TO MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS AGAIN, ASSHOLE!]
15521	?CG: OUR ROMANCE IS MUCH MORE COMPLICATED THAN THE JOKE THAT PASSES FOR YOUR UNDERSTANDING OF THE CONCEPT.
15522	?CG: YOU ONLY HAVE ONE QUADRANT! THAT'S JUST ABSURD.
15523	CTG: right
15524	CTG: sounds like its time to get a clue she is over you dude
15525	CEB: what is so different about your romance?
15526	CEB: what's a quadrant? how many do you have?
15527	CTG: john god dammit stop embarrassing us
15528	CTG: first of all weve got to be on record here as not giving a shit about that
15529	CTG: second obviously theres gonna be 4 quadrants come on
15530	?CG: JOHN, I TAKE BACK EVERYTHING I SAID ABOUT YOU BEING THE SMART ONE.
15531	?CG: DAVE IS NOW THE LEADER, EVEN THOUGH HE'S A SMUG SHITSTAIN WITH SHADES AND A POKER FACE.
15532	?CG: IF THERE WERE FIVE, THEY'D BE CALLED QUINTDRANTS, GET IT???
15533	CEB: wow, okay!
15534	CEB: who cares, jeeeeeeeez.
15535	?CG: YES, EXACTLY. WHO CARES?
15536	?CG: AS FASCINATING AS A LECTURE ON ALL THAT WOULD BE, IT'S NOT WHAT THIS IS ABOUT.
15537	?CG: WHICH BRINGS ME TO A RELATED POINT OF BUSINESS.
15538	?CG: JOHN, DON'T THINK I DIDN'T NOTICE HOW MANY E'S YOU JUST TYPED THERE.
15539	?CG: THAT'S GOT TO STOP TOO.
15540	CEB: what does?
15541	?CG: STOP TALKING TO VRISKA. I'M FUCKING SERIOUS.
15542	CEB: what!
15543	CEB: no way. vriska's cool, i'll talk to her all i want!
15544	?CG: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
15545	?CG: YOU JACKASSES HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE GETTING YOURSELVES INTO.
15546	?CG: THEY'RE DANGEROUS, AND YOU'RE JUST BLUNDERING RIGHT INTO THEIR HYPERCOMPETITIVE MINDFUCK MURDER-THICKET.
15547	?CG: THESE PSYCHO GIRLS HAVE ALREADY GOTTEN EACH OF YOU KILLED AT LEAST ONCE TO MY KNOWLEDGE.
15548	CEB: well, yeah...
15549	CEB: but terezi killed me in an alternate timeline, so that isn't too bad i guess.
15550	CEB: plus, i am pretty sure that she is sorry about it.
15551	?CG: OH GOD, YOU EVEN KNOW ABOUT IT?
15552	?CG: AND YOU'RE STILL GETTING UP TO THESE ANTICS
15553	?CG: YOU ARE BOTH FUCKING HOPELESS, I GIVE UP.
15554	CTG: k then bye
15555	?CG: SHUT YOUR SQUAWK GAPER AND STAY PUT.
15556	?CG: I'M NOT DONE.
15557	CTG: sounds like a loudmouth inferiority thing going on here to me
15558	CTG: like you dont want to acknowledge that your troll ladies find a couple of human dudes irresistible
15559	?CG: YOU DON'T GET IT.
15560	?CG: I DO ACKNOWLEDGE THAT AS MUCH AS IT MAKES ME SICK TO MY VARIOUS BITS OF ALIEN PHYSIOLOGY YOU'VE NEVER HEARD OF, THESE GIRLS ARE CLEARLY FLIRTING WITH BOTH OF YOU PRETTY HARD.
15561	?CG: THE FACT THAT THEY HAVE SWEPT YOU BOTH INTO THEIR SICK ASSASSINATION GAMES IS SADLY WHAT MAKES THIS OBVIOUS.
15562	?CG: THAT'S WHAT THEY DO.
15563	CEB: wait...
15564	CEB: are you saying that vriska is interested in me?
15565	CEB: like, romantically?
15566	?CG: EGBERT JUST EARNED A FEW BRAIN POINTS!
15567	?CG: HE HAS REACHED A NEW RUNG ON HIS ECHELADDER, "EASILY OUTFOXED BY SIMPLE UTENSILS"
15568	?CG: "BUCKAROO"
15569	?CG: OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT
15570	CTG: smooth
15571	CEB: oh man.
15572	CEB: uh...
15573	?CG: YES LET'S ALL HAVE A GREAT BIG OH MAN OVER THAT
15574	?CG: AND THEN FUCKING CUT THE HORSESHIT FOREVER. SOUND GOOD?
15575	CEB: i'm not sure what to think about this.
15576	CEB: dave, what do you think i should do?
15577	CTG: i dunno
15578	CTG: do you like her
15579	CEB: well, like i said, i thought she was pretty cool...
15580	CEB: kinda bossy! but also pretty friendly.
15581	CTG: yeah ok
15582	CTG: but i mean
15583	CTG: anything more than that
15584	CTG: like
15585	CTG: if earth wasnt destroyed and she werent in some other universe on a planet full of unspeakable frothing dipshits
15586	CTG: and she was on earth visiting your town or something
15587	CTG: would you want to ask her to go see one of your dumbass movies
15588	CTG: like the new maconnohey jam where he smirks and like all but deliberately draws the audiences ire like a goddamn magnetron
15589	CEB: mcconaughey!!!!!!!!
15590	CEB: um, wow, i don't know.
15591	CEB: i mean, yeah, sure it would be fun to do something like that with her, i think.
15592	CEB: but...
15593	CEB: beyond that, it's a little confusing!
15594	CEB: i don't think i have ever actually liked a girl before in that way, so i am not really sure what i am supposed to feel or do...
15595	?CG: HOLY FUCK WHAT AM I EVEN READING HERE?????
15596	CTG: doesnt concern you dude
15597	?CG: OK JOHN, ARE YOUR FEELINGS QUITE SORTED OUT YET?
15598	?CG: ARE YOU QUITE DONE SLOGGING THROUGH THE EMOTIONAL MORASS OF ADOLESCENCE, EMERGING FROM THE SLUDGE IN YOUR JUNIOR ECTOBIOLOGY WADERS?
15599	?CG: ARE WE FEELING JUST A LITTLE BIT WISER? DID WE GROW TODAY? THAT WOULD BE WONDERFUL!
15600	?CG: YOU WOULD THINK WARNING YOU GUYS THAT FRATERNIZING WITH THESE FEMALES IS PUTTING YOUR LIVES IN DANGER WOULD BE ENOUGH.
15601	?CG: REALLY, DANGER YOU SAY? OH GOODNESS, WE NEARLY MADE A HUGE MISTAKE! WHY THANK YOU, MR. TROLL, HOW GRACIOUS OF YOU TO ALERT US TO OUR FOOLISHNESS.
15602	CTG: i dunno man doesnt sound like you really got our interests in mind here
15603	CTG: you just sound kinda bitter
15604	CTG: did one of the human ladies reject you
15605	?CG: OF COURSE NOT.
15606	CTG: how did it go did you stand in a quadrant like you were playing four square
15607	CTG: holding a bucket full of flowers or slime or whatever and jade was like no thanks bro
15608	CTG: is that how it went down
15609	?CG: YES, YOU FIGURED IT OUT! YOU ARE A SAVANT OF XENOBIOLOGY DAVE AND I SALUTE YOU WITH ONE OF MY MANY INTERGALACTIC SPACE TENDRILS
15610	?CG: (THAT'S FAKE, I MADE THAT UP TO FUCK WITH YOU)
15611	CTG: or maybe it was a guy who rejected you
15612	?CG: FUCK OFF.
15613	CTG: haha wow bingo
15614	CTG: see how i look right now thats a poker face might want to take some notes
15615	?CG: I SEE NOTHING BUT A COWARD BEHIND DARK EYEWEAR CLEARLY DESIGNED FOR WOMEN AND A PAIR OF IMPUDENT LIPS PURSED SO TIGHT IT'LL SOUND LIKE AIR SQUEALING OUT OF A BALLOON WHEN I PUNCH YOU IN THE GUT.
15616	CTG: oh god stop talking about my lips thats the second time
15617	CTG: ok youre clearly gay and youve probably got some issues about it dude
15618	CTG: john just a heads up in the future i think youre gonna spurn one of his awkward advances
15619	CEB: uh oh!
15620	?CG: JOHN DON'T LISTEN TO THIS FUCKER, HE'S THE WORST GUY AT GIVING ADVICE I'VE EVER SEEN.
15621	CEB: yeah, i dunno dave, i have talked to karkat a lot and i really don't think he has a thing for me.
15622	?CG: EXACTLY. JOHN ONCE AGAIN IS FLYING HIGH AS SMARTEST HUMAN.
15623	?CG: AND JOHN, PURELY HYPOTHETICALLY, IF ONE OF US IN THE FUTURE DOES MAKE SOME SORT OF SOLICITATION YOU DON'T QUITE UNDERSTAND...
15624	?CG: BECAUSE OF PERHAPS SOME CULTURAL DIFFERENCES
15625	?CG: I MEAN NO ONE IN PARTICULAR HERE
15626	?CG: MAYBE TRY TO UNDERSTAND THAT PERSON MIGHT NOT BE THINKING TOO CLEARLY AT THAT MOMENT
15627	CEB: uh...
15628	?CG: IT MIGHT BE THE CASE THAT THIS PERSON HAS GOTTEN TOO WRAPPED UP IN A SORT OF CALIGINOUS IDEAL
15629	?CG: AND GET CARRIED AWAY, POSSIBLY SO MUCH SO THEY WERE BLIND TO HOW COMPLETELY FUCKED UP AND WEIRD IT WOULD BE TO PURSUE ANYTHING LIKE THAT WITH ANOTHER SPECIES
15630	?CG: ESPECIALLY ONE THAT DIDN'T EVEN UNDERSTAND THE CONCEPT OF A CALIGINIOUS RELATIONSHIP
15631	CTG: what
15632	CTG: the fuck
15633	CTG: are you talking about
15634	?CG: BUT I'M NOT THAT PERSON. I HAVE A FIRM GRASP ON HOW DERANGED AND UNNATURAL ANY SORT OF INTERSPECIES RELATIONSHIP WOULD BE, WHETHER CALIGINOUS OR CONCUPISCENT.
15635	?CG: SO I ASK
15636	?CG: NO I'M FUCKING BEGGING YOU BOTH
15637	?CG: TO QUIT CHATTING UP THESE SHITHIVE BROADS AND LEAVE WELL ENOUGH ALONE.
15638	CTG: thats obviously not gonna happen
15639	?CG: FUCK.
15640	?CG: LOOK.
15641	?CG: ALRIGHT I ADMIT THIS ISN'T PURELY MAGNANIMOUS CONCERN FOR YOUR SAFETY HERE.
15642	?CG: WE'RE ALL SORT OF COOKING UP A PLAN RIGHT NOW.
15643	?CG: MY RIGHT NOW.
15644	?CG: WHICH IF SUCCESSFUL, MAY, AND I DO STRESS MAY, END UP WITH ALL OF US MEETING FACE TO FACE.
15645	?CG: AND WHAT I'D LIKE TO AVOID IF AT ALL POSSIBLE
15646	?CG: IS TO HAVE THIS RENDEZVOUS INSTANTLY DETERIORATE INTO A LOT OF REVOLTING TROLL/HUMAN SLOPPY MAKEOUTS.
15647	?CG: THAT WOULD JUST RUIN IT FOR ME, OK?
15648	?CG: REALLY THE ONLY SCENARIO THAT I AM SURE WOULD CAUSE ME TO REGRET SUCCESS. GOT IT?
15649	CEB: er...
15650	CEB: do...
15651	CEB: you think that vriska is going to try to make out with me?
15652	?CG: SHUT UP.
15653	?CG: I'M NOT ANSWERING YOUR DUMB QUESTIONS ABOUT HOW MUCH SNOGGING YOU'RE IN FOR AND I'M NOT PLAYING INTERSPECIES MATCH MAKER HERE.
15654	?CG: SERIOUSLY, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU GUYS?
15655	?CG: I SHOULDN'T EVEN NEED TO BE SAYING THIS.
15656	?CG: GOD DAMMIT, IT'S NOT EVEN LIKE YOU DON'T HAVE ACTUAL HUMAN FEMALES NEARBY FOR ACTUAL BIOLOGICALLY VIABLE MATESPRITSHIPS!
15657	?CG: DO I HAVE TO DRAW YOU A DIAGRAM???
15658	CEB: rose and jade?
15659	CEB: so, uh...
15660	CEB: you want us to like, date them?
15661	?CG: WOULD IT REALLY FUCKING KILL YOU TO CONSIDER IT??????
15662	?CG: I MEAN GOD. WHAT DO YOU EVEN THINK YOU'RE DOING HERE IN THIS GAME?
15663	?CG: YOU'RE CREATING YOUR OWN UNIVERSE TO GO LIVE IN.
15664	?CG: AND JUST HOW DO YOU THINK YOUR SPECIES IS SUPPOSED TO REPOPULATE ITSELF??????????? IDIOTS.
15665	CTG: dude
15666	CTG: no
15667	CTG: just
15668	CTG: stop
15669	?CG: OH OK, SO THE ALIEN HERE IS THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED WITH THE PROPAGATION OF YOUR SPECIES.
15670	?CG: THAT MAKES A LOT OF FUCKING SENSE. WHY DON'T YOU WISE THE FUCK UP, COOLDOUCHE?
15671	CEB: i think he is right, i think we are all a little young to be thinking about that!
15672	?CG: WELL NO SHIT, NOW YOU ARE OBVIOUSLY.
15673	?CG: BUT WHAT ABOUT LATER? THINK ABOUT THE BIG PICTURE.
15674	?CG: HOW DID HUMANITY GET AS FAR AS IT GOT BEING SO DUMB?
15675	CEB: um, also,
15676	CEB: we are kinda all related! sort of. through shared ghost slime genes. right?
15677	CEB: so, uh...
15678	?CG: OH RIGHT, THE BIZARRE HUMAN ANATHEMA OF INCEST, I FORGOT.
15679	CTG: oh my fucking god
15680	CTG: please let this conversation not be taking place
15681	?CG: OK WELL LET'S SAY THAT'S HYPOTHETICALLY A PROBLEM, EVEN THOUGH I'M RACKING MY BRAIN TO UNDERSTAND WHY IT WOULD BE.
15682	?CG: I GUESS I WILL HAVE TO DRAW YOU A DIAGRAM, BECAUSE YOU ARE JUST THAT STUPID.
15683	?CG: HERE
15684	?CG: http://tinyurl.com/MATINGDIAGRAMFORMORONS
15685	CTG: ok youre by far the worst artist out of any of us
15686	CTG: and thats saying something
15687	?CG: SHUT UP I DREW IT FAST
15688	?CG: NOW
15689	?CG: AS YOU CAN CLEARLY SEE, THERE ARE ONLY TWO SETS OF COMPATIBLE QUADRANTS HERE FOR LEGITIMATE CONCUPISCENT PAIRINGS.
15690	?CG: DAVE AND ROSE ARE "RELATED"
15691	?CG: JADE AND JOHN ARE "RELATED"
15692	?CG: THAT ONLY LEAVES TWO PAIRS.
15693	?CG: ONCE AGAIN, THE DECISIONS PERTAINING TO HUMAN ROMANCE REMAIN STUNNINGLY SIMPLE.
15694	?CG: AND YET I STILL HAVE TO SPELL IT OUT FOR YOU. YOU'RE WELCOME.
15695	?CG: NOW GO HASSLE YOUR FUTURE MATESPRITS AND LEAVE THE TROLL GIRLS ALONE.
15696	CTG: thx for the shipping grid bro imma drop everything and go have a baby with jade right now
15697	CTG: no peeking k
15698	CEB: wow, i have to marry rose?
15699	CEB: uh...
15700	CEB: wow.
15701	?CG: AND NOW THAT I HAVE SAVED YOUR ENTIRE WORTHLESS SPECIES WITH MY IMPECCABLE ROMANCE BROKERING SKILLS
15702	?CG: I WILL BID YOU A BITTER FUCKING FAREWELL.
15703	?CG: JEGUS I AM SO TIRED.
15704	CTG: you should go back to sleep
15705	CTG: it was so much cooler when you were asleep and i basically never had to listen to you ever
15706	?CG: I CAN'T GO TO SLEEP
15707	CEB: why not?
15708	?CG: BECAUSE I'M TOO TIRED TO EXPLAIN WHY IS WHY.
15709	?CG: YOU'LL FIGURE IT OUT LATER.
15710	?CG: MEMO OVER.
15711	?CG: GET OUTTA HERE.
15712	?CG banned CEB from responding to memo.
15713	?CG banned CTG from responding to memo.
15714	?CG closed memo.
15715	You cannot be Past Karkat because in the past, Past Karkat is asleep!
15716	You don't even want to think about that day. Slime and wigglers... everywhere.
15717	You got a... oh dear god.
15718	GET THAT FILTH OUTTA HERE
15719	You got a BOX OF FRUIT TROLLUPS!
15720	Troll Crocker's vile tendrils are everywhere.
15721	You got HOMES SMELL YA LATER!
15722	SO FRESH.
15723	You got a BEAUTIFUL WORK OF FINE ART!
15724	Just... why. Why would this exist. Why would someone put it in a chest???
15725	You got a WICKED ELIXIR!
15726	You chug the beverage immediately. Your vitals remain unchanged.
15727	You got a TEAPOT!
15728	You got A WHOLE MESS OF BOONBUCKS!
15729	You guess you could use them as paperweights. Or something.
15730	You got a TINKERBULL PLUSH!
15731	R.I.P. little buddy. :'(
15732	You got a ~ATH MANUAL!
15733	It's so thick, you could kill someone with this thing. And if you master what's inside, you just might kill everyone with it.
15734	You got A WHOLE BOONBUCK!
15735	Yawn.
15736	Man, why's everybody gotta dump their shit in your secret room? How are they even getting in here??? This is so outrageous.
15737	So many horrible memories for Past Karkat...
15738	Be Past Karkat?
15739	You are now Past Karkat. You are pretty much freaking the fuck out.
15740	The meteor has rotated. Derse is now within sniffing range.
15741	The demon just destroyed Derse a few minutes ago. Smells like grape jelly. And burning.
15742	Prospit's toast!
15743	You got the DRAGONSUIT!
15744	You don your extremely stylish DRAGONSUIT. Now that stubborn Pouncellor will no longer have any excuse to withhold evidence critical to the case of the prosecution!
15745	The doors are jammed from overuse. That's what you get for hording so much useless bullshit in your private chests!
15746	You got some GIFT ART FROM A COOL FRIEND!
15747	Ok, seriously, why does this puzzle have to be here?
15748	I mean really. What's the point? Who the fuck isn't going to figure this out?
15749	This just literally serves no purpose. Who designed this? Why??
15750	You got your trusty DRAWING CHALK!
15751	You got A FLARP MANUAL!
15752	You got A WILD CONSORT!
15753	You got a GORGEOUS PIECE OF FINE ART.
15754	Absolutely breathtaking.
15755	You got DEUCE CLUBS.
15756	Least deadly pair of juggling clubs in the universe.
15757	You got the DEMONBANE RAGRIPPER!
15758	Deadliest chainsaw in the universe.
15759	You got a BRAINFORK!
15760	For some reason you guys like to nab each others weapons and tuck them away in your own private chests. It's kind of silly. Seriously, what do you need this thing for??
15761	You got LIKE 13 BOONDOLLARS OR SOMETHING.
15762	Whoop dee doo! You toss them into the abyss and make a wish.
15763	You got THE ASSASSINATED CORPSE OF LIAISON PUMPKINSNUFFLE!
15764	Some bastard got to one of your key witnesses! The plot thickens.
15765	You got a pair of ROCKET WINGS!
15766	PSWOOOOP!
15767	You got a BEAGLE AEGIS!
15768	Wearing this, you are all but indestructible.
15769	You got a MUSIC BOX TIME MACHINE!
15770	You got a FAIRY POSTER!
15771	Yep, pretty much nothing that's not fake about fairies, that's for sure.
15772	You got A BOONBUCK!
15773	How trivial it seems now compared to your fortune of boonbonds. You chuck it into the chasm below.
15774	You got SON OF LEMONSNOUT!
15775	He smells no less sweet than the corrupt senator. And yet his lies... how they stink. The lemon never falls far from the tree!
15776	Lousy stupid goddamn Terezi, finding all those boonbonds and instantly rendering your fortune worthless. You'll show her. That snotty rich kid too.
15777	You gave all your money to John. Gotta keep him competitive with Dave! John will be the best human boy there is. You will make sure of it.
15778	Looks like a terrible monster has escaped. Better be careful!
15779	Haha, yeah right. You're gonna murder this thing if it crosses you.
15780	A monitor with a map of some place on Alternia, displaying impact sites. It looks like it crashed and froze at some point during the reckoning.
15781	Another dodecascreen. Seem to be a lot of these things lying around.
15782	You got a WILD CONSORT!
15783	You got a BUST OF NICK CAGE!
15784	SWOOOOOOOON
15785	You got a BROKEN 8 BALL!
15786	Very bad luck! Whatever. You'll just steal some more.
15787	You got a CUTTLEFISH!
15788	You got a pair of ROCKETBOOTS!
15789	You got a HEAP OF FLARP MANUALS!
15790	You got the FLOURITE OCTET!
15791	Maybe you should keep these on you in the future.
15792	You got a FAIRY POSTER!
15793	Faaaaaaaake.
15794	You got the FIDUSPEAR!
15795	You got TAVROS'S SEVERED LEGS!
15796	Why...
15797	Why would you keep these in a chest?
15798	You got a MAGIC 8 BALL!
15799	You have not set the password for this room yet. You have no reason to hide anything in the super secret back room as of this moment! Perhaps you will in the future.
15800	Be Future Vriska?
15801	TEREZI: WOW CH3CK OUT WHO F1N4LLY WOK3 UP!
15802	TEREZI: W3V3 B33N TRY1NG TO W4K3 YOU FOR 4N HOUR, BUT YOU W3R3 UNR3SPONS1V3 TO 3V3N TH3 MOST S3NS3L3SS OF C4N3 DRUBB1NGS >:]
15803	KARKAT: MY HEAD HURTS.
15804	TEREZI: PROB4BLY DU3 TO TH3 4FOR3M3NT1ON3D NUB DRUBB1NGS
15805	KARKAT: WILL YOU SHUT UP ABOUT THE DRUBBINGS. PUT THAT CANE AWAY, DAMMIT. IT'S NOT LIKE YOU EVEN NEED IT.
15806	KARKAT: I HAD A HORRIBLE DREAM, OK.
15807	TEREZI: OH?
15808	KARKAT: I FINALLY WOKE UP ON PROSPIT.
15809	TEREZI: YOU D1D???
15810	TEREZI: OH GOD, 1 C4NT B3L13V3 1 M1SS3D 1T!
15811	KARKAT: YEAH WELL, SORRY WE CAN'T GO ON OUR ENCHANTED GOLDEN MAGIC CARPET RIDE OR WHATEVER YOU HAD IN STORE FOR US, BUT NOW IT'S TOO LATE.
15812	KARKAT: DREAM ME IS DEAD.
15813	TEREZI: 1 KNOW >:[
15814	TEREZI: 4LL OF US 4R3, PROSP1T W4S COMPL3T3LY D3STROY3D
15815	KARKAT: OH SHIT, REALLY?
15816	KARKAT: GUESS THAT'S NOT TOO SURPRISING. ANYWAY, I SAW THE DEMON AGAIN.
15817	KARKAT: I THINK I KNOW WHO IT IS.
15818	TEREZI: WHO 1S 1T >:?
15819	KARKAT: I DON'T KNOW HOW IT'S POSSIBLE...
15820	KARKAT: I NEED TO SEARCH FOR MORE ANSWERS BEFORE I KNOW FOR SURE.
15821	TEREZI: STOP B31NG MYST3R1OUS 4ND T3LL M3!
15822	KARKAT: NO WAY. I'M NOT JUMPING TO HASTY CONCLUSIONS. IF IT TURNS OUT I'M RIGHT, THEN I GUESS WE BOTH GET TO SAY I TOLD YOU SO.
15823	TEREZI: 4RGH, F1N3
15824	TEREZI: SO, YOU S4W H1M JUST B3FOR3 H3 D3STROY3D PROSP1T?
15825	KARKAT: YEAH. AND THAT WASN'T EVEN THE BAD PART OF THE DREAM.
15826	TEREZI: TH4T W4S 4N HOUR 4GO! WH4T H4V3 YOU B33N DR34M1NG 4BOUT S1NC3?
15827	KARKAT: I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.
15828	KARKAT: THE BOTTOM LINE IS, EVERYONE HERE IS FORBIDDEN FROM GOING TO SLEEP.
15829	TEREZI: FORB1DD3N?
15830	KARKAT: YES, AS YOUR LEADER, I AM ORDERING ALL PROSPIT DREAMERS TO STAY AWAKE, NO MATTER HOW TIRED YOU GET.
15831	TEREZI: UM, 4LR1GHT >:/
15832	KARKAT: DO YOU EVER EVEN GET TIRED?
15833	TEREZI: WH4TS TH4T SUPPOS3D TO M34N!
15834	KARKAT: ALL YOU DO IS RUN YOUR MOUTH ALL DAY, AND SNIFF AND LICK PEOPLE INAPPROPRIATELY WITH THAT SHIT EATING GRIN.
15835	KARKAT: I DON'T THINK I'VE EVER EVEN SEEN YOU YAWN.
15836	TEREZI: 1M G3TT1NG PR3TTY T1R3D R1GHT NOW 4S 4 M4TT3R OF F4CT
15837	TEREZI: T1R3D OF YOUR BULLSH1T!
15838	KARKAT: GOD I'M TIRED.
15839	TEREZI: SO GU3SS WH4T
15840	TEREZI: W3V3 B33N 1N CONT4CT W1TH SOM3 4L13NS FROM TH3 UN1V3RS3 W3 CR34T3D
15841	KARKAT: OK. SO?
15842	TEREZI: DONT YOU TH1NK TH4TS K1ND OF N34T?
15843	KARKAT: NO. IT'S BORING. WHO CARES?
15844	TEREZI: 1 THOUGHT 4S OUR 1NTR3P1D L34D3R TH4T W4S SOM3TH1NG YOU M1GHT W4NT TO KNOW
15845	KARKAT: ALRIGHT, AS LEADER, I RECOMMEND WE DELIVER THEM A DELIGHTFUL GIFT BASKET VIA TRANSUNIVERAL BULGE THRUST.
15846	KARKAT: ARE YOU TAKING THIS DOWN???
15847	TEREZI: >:P
15848	TEREZI: 1M NOT S4Y1NG W3 N33D TO M4K3 FR13NDS W1TH TH3M OR 4NYTH1NG, BUT W3V3 B3GUN TO SUSP3CT TH3Y H4V3 SOM3TH1NG TO DO W1TH OUR S3SS1ON, P4R4DOX1C4LLY SP34K1NG
15849	KARKAT: IS ANYTHING EVER NOT PARADOXICALLY SPEAKING?
15850	TEREZI: M4YB3 W3 C4N F1GUR3 OUT 4 W4Y TO G3T OURS3LV3S OUT OF TH1S J4M?
15851	KARKAT: NOPE. I ALREADY TOLD YOU. WE'RE DOOMED. A MEANINGLESS RACE OF ALIENS WON'T CHANGE THAT.
15852	KARKAT: NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, I'VE GOT A LOT OF IMPORTANT SHIT TO DO.
15853	TEREZI: YOU M34N 4 LOT OF 1MPORT4NT W4ND3R1NG 4ROUND 41ML3SSLY 4ND T4LK1NG TO P3OPL3?
15854	KARKAT: YES, EXACTLY.
15855	TEREZI: 4R3NT YOU 4T L34ST 4 L1TTL3 D1S4PPO1NT3D W3 N3V3R GOT TO H4NG OUT TOG3TH3R ON PROSP1T?
15856	KARKAT: I DON'T KNOW. I GUESS?
15857	KARKAT: IT'S NOT LIKE WE DIDN'T GET TO HANG OUT PLENTY OF OTHER PLACES.
15858	TEREZI: YOU DONT G3T 1T! TH3R3 W3R3 4LL TH3S3 TH1NGS 1 W4S PL4NN1NG ON SHOW1NG YOU 4ND STUFF W3 COULD H4V3 DON3 TOG3TH3R
15859	TEREZI: 1T W4S SUPPOS3D TO B3 SP3C14L DUMMY
15860	KARKAT: WHAT WAS SO SPECIAL ABOUT IT? THE FACT THAT IT WAS A MOON MADE OF GOLD?
15861	KARKAT: BIG DEAL. THE PLACE WAS WAY TOO BRIGHT AND GARISH.
15862	TEREZI: 444444RGH, YOU 4R3 SO FRUSTR4T1NG!
15863	TEREZI: JUST
15864	TEREZI: N3V3R M1ND >:[
15865	GAMZEE: HeY CaN I HeLp a tIrEd lOoKiNg bRoThEr gEt hIs mOtHeRfUcKiN NaP On?
15866	GAMZEE: sLeEp iN ThE HoRn pIlE? oNlY 420 bOoNdOlLaRs
15867	KARKAT: I JUST SLEPT ON THE FLOOR FOR AN HOUR, DOES IT LOOK I NEED A NAP???
15868	KARKAT: BESIDES, I JUST BANNED EVERYONE FROM SLEEPING, SO DON'T GO PULLING THIS HORN PILE INN KEEPER SHIT, GOT IT?
15869	KARKAT: ALSO, STOP DANCING. IT'S AWFUL.
15870	GAMZEE: Ok wElL If yOu gEt yOuR MiNd aLl cHaNgEd aBoUt tHaT ThEn yOu kNoW WhErE To fInD ThE PiLe, BeSt fRiEnD
15871	KARKAT: OH YEAH, ALSO CLEAN YOUR FUCKING GARBAGE OFF THE FLOOR. IF THIS SHIT ISN'T GONE IN A FEW HOURS I'M SERIOUSLY GOING TO FLIP OUT.
15872	GAMZEE: HoNk hOnK HoNk hOnK HoNk! :o)
15873	KARKAT: HEY I JUST GOT DONE TALKING TO YOU IN THE PAST. REMEMBER YOU WERE FUCKING AROUND WITH THE VOLCANO AND I PASSED OUT FOR AN HOUR?
15874	KANAYA: Vaguely
15875	KARKAT: THAT WAS NOW. HEY GUESS WHAT, NEW ORDERS. NO MORE IMPROMPTU AMPUTATIONS, OK?
15876	KANAYA: Impromptutations
15877	KARKAT: YEAH. KEEP YOUR LIPSTICK CAPPED OK. I DON'T WANT TO TURN AROUND AND SEE RAINBOW BLOOD SPRAYING EVERY WHICH WAY JUST CAUSE YOU THINK THE PLACE IS A LITTLE DRAB.
15878	KANAYA: I Did My Best To Clean Up The Blood Before You Woke Up
15879	KARKAT: THANKS FOR THAT. ALSO ANOTHER NEW ORDER. DON'T GO TO SLEEP.
15880	KANAYA: Dont Worry I Dont Really Want To Find Out What Happens If I Do
15881	KANAYA: Any Other Orders
15882	KANAYA: Such As Those Which Might Pertain To These Alien Children
15883	KARKAT: YEAH, MY ORDERS ARE THAT THEY'RE COMPLETELY IRRELEVANT, AND WHO CARES ABOUT THEM.
15884	KANAYA: How Are Those Orders
15885	KARKAT: BECAUSE I'M YOUR LEADER THAT'S HOW.
15886	KANAYA: They Are Not Irrelevant
15887	KARKAT: HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT.
15888	KANAYA: Its A Bit Complicated
15889	KANAYA: But I Believe You Should Give Them A Closer Look Before You Decide What To Do About Them If Anything
15890	KANAYA: Perhaps Then An Especially Leaderly Speech Will Be In Order
15891	KARKAT: OK I DOUBT THAT BUT WHATEVER.
15892	CCG: OK.
15893	CCG: EVERYTHING'S FINE I GUESS.
15894	PGA: What Happened
15895	CCG: I PASSED OUT FOR ABOUT AN HOUR.
15896	CCG: FUCKING EMBARRASSING.
15897	CCG: YOU ARE OUT OF YOUR GODDAMN MIND, YOU KNOW.
15898	PGA: Shithive Maggots You Mean
15899	CCG: YEAH
15900	CCG: IN A GOOD WAY THOUGH.
15901	CCG: OK I'M SHUTTING THIS MEMO DOWN FOR MY PAST SELF.
15902	CCG: SINCE HE'S CURRENTLY LYING UNCONSCIOUS ON THE FLOOR AN HOUR AGO.
15903	CCG: SEE YOU IN THE FUTURE-NOW.
15904	PGA: Til Then
15905	ERIDAN: wwhat a fuckin vvulgar display this is
15906	ERIDAN: airin out all his dirty laundry like that puttin a big fuckin pile a horns in the middle of the room
15907	ERIDAN: at least i got the upright basic decency to hide my shitty wand pile somewwhere in the lab you wwont find it dont evven bother lookin
15908	KARKAT: WHY DO YOU ASSHOLES HAVE PILES OF THINGS, JUST STOP.
15909	KARKAT: THIS ROBOLEG BULLSHIT WAS YOUR IDEA WASN'T IT.
15910	EQUIUS: D --> I only supplied the technological means, though my lobbying for a hooven quadrupedal lower torso went tragically disregarded
15911	KARKAT: OK I HEREBY ORDER YOU TO NEVER EVEN THINK ABOUT GIVING SOMEONE HORSELEGS AGAIN, IS THAT UNDERSTOOD.
15912	EQUIUS: D --> Yes, I can follow that order, sir
15913	EQUIUS: D --> Are there any other orders you would like to issue to me in a manner that is similarly forceful
15914	KARKAT: I ALSO ORDER YOU TO STOP GETTING OFF ON MY ORDERS. FOR LIKE THE FIVE HUNDREDTH FUCKING TIME.
15915	EQUIUS: D --> Yes, and you will continue to order me to do so. I command it
15916	EQUIUS: D --> ...
15917	EQUIUS: D --> I need a towel
15918	KARKAT: GO HAVE YOUR BUTLER GET YOU ONE YOU SNOOTY DOUCHE.
15919	EQUIUS: D --> Aurthour is dead, and so is his ghost
15920	EQUIUS: D --> Remember
15921	KARKAT: YEAH.
15922	KARKAT: SORRY MAN, I FORGOT. DIDN'T MEAN TO BRING UP A SORE SUBJECT.
15923	EQUIUS: D --> Is this where embrace jocularly, as if we are "bros
15924	EQUIUS: D --> I will be as gentle as possible
15925	KARKAT: DON'T TOUCH ME.
15926	NEPETA: :33 < oh god this is so great, they look like they are so much fun!
15927	KARKAT: WHO
15928	NEPETA: :33 < the humans!!!
15929	KARKAT: WHAT'S A HUMAN
15930	NEPETA: :33 < the alien kids! come on karcat, you need to stop taking all these silly naps and get up to sp33d
15931	KARKAT: WAIT, WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING
15932	KARKAT: YOU HAVEN'T BEEN PULLING YOUR RP NONSENSE ON THEM HAVE YOU? TALK ABOUT A SHITTY FIRST ENCOUNTER.
15933	KARKAT: OK AS LEADER, I FORBID YOU FROM RP'ING WITH THEM.
15934	NEPETA: :33 < but equius already furbid me from doing that :((
15935	NEPETA: :33 < not that i am listening to him, but shhhhh! :33
15936	KARKAT: WAIT, HE DID?
15937	KARKAT: OK, THEN AS YOUR LEADER I ORDER YOU TO RP WITH THEM AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE. BE AS OBNOXIOUS ABOUT IT AS YOU CAN.
15938	NEPETA: :33 < yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!
15939	ARADIA: have y0u decided t0 tr0ll them yet
15940	KARKAT: TROLL WHO?
15941	ARADIA: never mind
15942	ARADIA: lets pretend i didnt say that and lets als0 pretend it isnt inevitable
15943	KARKAT: WHAT THE FROND BUCKLING NOOK STENCH ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT.
15944	ARADIA: n0thing. its n0t like a decisi0n y0u are ab0ut t0 make will invariably lead t0 every pr0blem we have and will ever face as well as the great und0ing itself
15945	ARADIA: just keep listening t0 y0ur angry impulses it will all be fine
15946	ARADIA: actually i guess i c0uld kill y0u right n0w and st0p it all fr0m happening thus d00ming us all in an 0ffsh00t timeline
15947	ARADIA: i might c0nsider it if we all werent d00med anyway
15948	ARADIA: and if y0u werent my friend
15949	KARKAT: YOU KNOW WHAT WAS GREAT? WHEN YOU USED TO NOT BE A ROBOT.
15950	KARKAT: CAUSE THIS ROBOT THING? THIS IS BULLSHIT.
15951	KARKAT: IF WE WEREN'T ALL ABOUT TO DIE, I'D DEDICATE OUR WHOLE TEAM TO FINDING A WAY TO BRING YOU BACK TO LIFE.
15952	KARKAT: BUT WE ARE SO GUESS WE'LL HAVE TO RIDE OUT THE NEXT FEW HOURS WITH A SPOOKY TIN CAN PSYCHOPATH, SOUNDS LIKE A BLAST.
15953	ARADIA: 0_0
15954	FEFERI: Finally! So Karkat, w)(at was your dream like after you died? I )(ave been glubbing like crazy over )(ere wondering about it.
15955	KARKAT: I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT IT. JUST DON'T GO TO SLEEP.
15956	KARKAT: OH WAIT, YOU'RE A DERSE DREAMER, RIGHT? NEVER MIND, KNOCK YOURSELF OUT. LITERALLY.
15957	FEFERI: You look so nervous and pale. Were you scared of w)(at you saw?
15958	KARKAT: WHAT ABOUT NOT TALKING ABOUT IT DON'T YOU GET.
15959	FEFERI: T)(ere's no reason to be scared! T)(ey are not as terrible as t)(ey look.
15960	FEFERI: W)(en Derse is destroyed, I am going to go to sleep and prove it.
15961	FEFERI: I will prove it to you, and to t)(em as well.
15962	KARKAT: THEM?
15963	FEFERI: Our new friends! You'll see. -Everyt)(ing is going to be ok.
15964	FEFERI: T)(IS IS PR-ETTY -EXCITING! Don't you t)(ink???
15965	KARKAT: "M-E)(
15966	FEFERI: GLUB TO T)(AT ATTITUD-E!!!!!! >38O
15967	SOLLUX: hey kk mo2t of the2e computer2 are 2hiit.
15968	SOLLUX: 2o unle22 youve got a real good rea2on ii dont thiink iim gonna bother fiixiing them.
15969	KARKAT: I'M FINE, THANKS FOR ASKING MAN. YOUR CONCERN IS REALLY APPRECIATED, I APPRECIATE IT.
15970	SOLLUX: fuck you and your priimadonna garbage, iim not goiing two break down 2obbiing becau2e you pa22 out at the 2iight of a liittle blood, why dont you man up.
15971	KARKAT: HEY FUCK YOU, I TURN AROUND AND SEE A CRAZY GIRL WITH A CHAINSAW AND A TSUNAMI OF BROWN. IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK THAT WE NOT TURN OUR LITTLE HIDEOUT INTO A SLAUGHTERHOUSE?
15972	SOLLUX: what diid you want me two do get down on the floor and kii22 your faiinted corp2e on the lii2p two wake you up on a nonexii2tent pro2piit?
15973	KARKAT: LET'S NOT DO THIS, OK MAN? JUST THIS ONCE. I DON'T HAVE THE ENERGY.
15974	SOLLUX: yeah ok fiine.
15975	KARKAT: SO WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH THESE ALIENS, IS IT ANYTHING I SHOULD GIVE A SHIT ABOUT?
15976	SOLLUX: no not at all, theyre u2ele22 and uniintere2tiing liike iim 2ure you already gathered.
15977	SOLLUX: ii recommend we dont bother wiith them, though aradiia 2eem2 two thiink well all be iin each other2 2ponge2 iineviitably.
15978	SOLLUX: whatever, iim pretty commiitted two not haviing anythiing two do wiith them ever.
15979	KARKAT: GOOD, THAT'S WHAT I LIKE TO HEAR.
15980	SOLLUX: uh huh, 2ure kk by the look of 2ome of your future memo2 iit look2 liike youre gonna get pretty wound up by thii2 thiing 2oon.
15981	KARKAT: MAN, FUCK MY FUTURE MEMOS.
15982	SOLLUX: no way, theyre hiilariiou2, be2t thiing about haviing you a2 a leader hand2 down.
15983	KARKAT: FUCK THAT SENTIMENT, AND FUCK YOU, AND FUCK FUTURE ME.
15984	SOLLUX: ok. what about pa2t you, ii2 pa2t you cool.
15985	KARKAT: THE ONLY GUY MORE IRRITATING AND STUPID THAN FUTURE ME IS PAST ME.
15986	SOLLUX: ehehehehehehe.
15987	KARKAT: HEY VRISKA, WHAT ARE YOU DOING.
15988	KARKAT: PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, LET IT BE SOMETHING INCONSEQUENTIAL AND BENIGN.
15989	VRISKA: Karkat! Man, you were out for a long time. I have made so many plans for these humans while you were asleep. Do you know how many plans have 8een made?
15990	KARKAT: PROBABLY ALL OF THEM, EVEN THOUGH PLANS AREN'T REALLY AN EXHAUSTIVELY QUANTIFIABLE THING AND WE BOTH FUCKING KNOW THAT.
15991	VRISKA: Yes! Aaaaaaaall of them. So many irons too. Guess where the irons are!
15992	KARKAT: PLEASE DON'T LET THEM BE IN THE FIRE, PLEASE DON'T LET THEM BE IN THE FIRE...
15993	VRISKA: They are........
15994	VRISKA: IN
15995	VRISKA: THE
15996	VRISKA: FIIIIIIIIRE!!!!!!!! ::::)
15997	KARKAT: GOD FUCKING DAMMIT.
15998	KARKAT: LOOK WHATEVER YOU'RE DOING, STOP. OR PUT IT ON PAUSE. CAN YOU PLEASE DO THAT?
15999	KARKAT: I WASN'T GOING TO BOTHER WITH THE HUMANS BUT NOW YOU'RE MAKING ME NERVOUS. JUST GIVE ME THE CHANCE TO LOOK INTO THIS MATTER, AND THEN I'LL BRIEF EVERYBODY.
16000	KARKAT: MAYBE WITH A SPEECH OR SOMETHING. CAN YOU DO THAT?
16001	KARKAT: PLEEEEEEEEASE? I JUST SAID THAT WITH EIGHT E'S.
16002	VRISKA: Fine, I will take a 8r8k, Karkat. 8ut only 8ecause you were so polite a8out it.
16003	VRISKA: It will give me a chance to go get some stuff done!
16004	KARKAT: JUST... PLEASE.
16005	KARKAT: GO FIND SOME REMOTE CORNER OF THIS LAB, BUILD YOURSELF A NICE WEB, AND SIT THERE PEACEFULLY AND HARMLESSLY UNTIL WE ALL DIE. OK?
16006	VRISKA: Die? Lame.
16007	VRISKA: Karkat, there is a8solutely no chance we are going to die.
16008	VRISKA: Not with my luck! I got all of it, remem8er?
16009	TAVROS: hEYYY, yOU'RE AWAKE,
16010	KARKAT: HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD HAVE BEEN AN AWESOME TIME TO TAKE THE OPPORTUNITY TO SAW YOUR LOWER TORSO OFF AND REPLACE IT WITH ROBO LEGS?
16011	TAVROS: nO,
16012	KARKAT: ANY GODDAMN TIME BEFORE NOW. YOU KNOW, DURING OUR WHOLE ADVENTURE WHEN THEY MIGHT HAVE COME IN HANDY.
16013	KARKAT: ALSO WHEN I DIDN'T HAPPEN TO BE STANDING AROUND. THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN SO SWEET.
16014	TAVROS: oHH, sORRY, i MEAN i WAS KIND OF ASLEEP TOO, sO, i DIDN'T HAVE A LOT OF SAY,
16015	TAVROS: iN THE MATTER,
16016	KARKAT: DID YOU SEE HIM?
16017	TAVROS: wHO,
16018	KARKAT: THE DEMON. WHEN YOU WERE ASLEEP.
16019	TAVROS: nO,
16020	KARKAT: HE WAS RIGHT FUCKING THERE. I TOLD YOU TO LOOK, BUT I GUESS YOU WERE TOO BUSY FROLICKING IN THE SKY OR WHATEVER YOU DO ON THAT GAUDY YELLOW MOON.
16021	TAVROS: oH, mAN, yEAH SKY FROLICKING WAS PROBABLY DEFINITELY THE THING i WAS PREOCCUPIED BY,
16022	KARKAT: ANYWAY, THAT WAS JUST BEFORE HE BLEW THE PLACE UP.
16023	TAVROS: wHOA, iS THAT WHAT HAPPENED,
16024	KARKAT: IDIOT.
16025	KARKAT: JUST DON'T GO TO SLEEP. SPREAD THE WORD.
16026	TAVROS: i COULDN'T POSSIBLY SLEEP NOW, i'M TOO EXCITED ABOUT THESE AWESOME LEGS, lOOK AT ME GO, wHOOPS,
16027	TEREZI: WOW CH3CK OUT WHO F1N4LLY WOK3 UP!
16028	TEREZI: W3V3 B33N TRY1NG TO W4K3 YOU FOR 4N HOUR, BUT YOU W3R3 UNR3SPONS1V3 TO 3V3N TH3 MOST S3NS3L3SS OF C4N3 DRUBB1NGS >:]
16029	KARKAT: MY HEAD HURTS.
16030	TEREZI: PROB4BLY DU3 TO TH3 4FOR3M3NT1ON3D NUB DRUBB1NGS
16031	KARKAT: WILL YOU SHUT UP ABOUT THE DRUBBINGS. PUT THAT CANE AWAY, DAMMIT. IT'S NOT LIKE YOU EVEN NEED IT.
16032	KARKAT: I HAD A HORRIBLE DREAM, OK.
16033	TEREZI: OH?
16034	KARKAT: I FINALLY WOKE UP ON PROSPIT.
16035	TEREZI: YOU D1D???
16036	TEREZI: OH GOD, 1 C4NT B3L13V3 1 M1SS3D 1T!
16037	KARKAT: YEAH WELL, SORRY WE CAN'T GO ON OUR ENCHANTED GOLDEN MAGIC CARPET RIDE OR WHATEVER YOU HAD IN STORE FOR US, BUT NOW IT'S TOO LATE.
16038	KARKAT: DREAM ME IS DEAD.
16039	TEREZI: 1 KNOW >:[
16040	TEREZI: 4LL OF US 4R3, PROSP1T W4S COMPL3T3LY D3STROY3D
16041	KARKAT: OH SHIT, REALLY?
16042	KARKAT: GUESS THAT'S NOT TOO SURPRISING. ANYWAY, I SAW THE DEMON AGAIN.
16043	KARKAT: I THINK I KNOW WHO IT IS.
16044	TEREZI: WHO 1S 1T >:?
16045	KARKAT: I DON'T KNOW HOW IT'S POSSIBLE...
16046	KARKAT: I NEED TO SEARCH FOR MORE ANSWERS BEFORE I KNOW FOR SURE.
16047	TEREZI: STOP B31NG MYST3R1OUS 4ND T3LL M3!
16048	KARKAT: NO WAY. I'M NOT JUMPING TO HASTY CONCLUSIONS. IF IT TURNS OUT I'M RIGHT, THEN I GUESS WE BOTH GET TO SAY I TOLD YOU SO.
16049	TEREZI: 4RGH, F1N3
16050	TEREZI: SO, YOU S4W H1M JUST B3FOR3 H3 D3STROY3D PROSP1T?
16051	KARKAT: YEAH. AND THAT WASN'T EVEN THE BAD PART OF THE DREAM.
16052	TEREZI: TH4T W4S 4N HOUR 4GO! WH4T H4V3 YOU B33N DR34M1NG 4BOUT S1NC3?
16053	KARKAT: I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.
16054	KARKAT: THE BOTTOM LINE IS, EVERYONE HERE IS FORBIDDEN FROM GOING TO SLEEP.
16055	TEREZI: FORB1DD3N?
16056	KARKAT: YES, AS YOUR LEADER, I AM ORDERING ALL PROSPIT DREAMERS TO STAY AWAKE, NO MATTER HOW TIRED YOU GET.
16057	TEREZI: UM, 4LR1GHT >:/
16058	KARKAT: DO YOU EVER EVEN GET TIRED?
16059	TEREZI: WH4TS TH4T SUPPOS3D TO M34N!
16060	KARKAT: ALL YOU DO IS RUN YOUR MOUTH ALL DAY, AND SNIFF AND LICK PEOPLE INAPPROPRIATELY WITH THAT SHIT EATING GRIN.
16061	KARKAT: I DON'T THINK I'VE EVER EVEN SEEN YOU YAWN.
16062	TEREZI: 1M G3TT1NG PR3TTY T1R3D R1GHT NOW 4S 4 M4TT3R OF F4CT
16063	TEREZI: T1R3D OF YOUR BULLSH1T!
16064	KARKAT: GOD I'M TIRED.
16065	TEREZI: 4R3NT YOU 4T L34ST 4 L1TTL3 D1S4PPO1NT3D W3 N3V3R GOT TO H4NG OUT TOG3TH3R ON PROSP1T?
16066	KARKAT: I DON'T KNOW. I GUESS?
16067	KARKAT: IT'S NOT LIKE WE DIDN'T GET TO HANG OUT PLENTY OF OTHER PLACES.
16068	TEREZI: YOU DONT G3T 1T! TH3R3 W3R3 4LL TH3S3 TH1NGS 1 W4S PL4NN1NG ON SHOW1NG YOU 4ND STUFF W3 COULD H4V3 DON3 TOG3TH3R
16069	TEREZI: 1T W4S SUPPOS3D TO B3 SP3C14L DUMMY
16070	KARKAT: WHAT WAS SO SPECIAL ABOUT IT? THE FACT THAT IT WAS A MOON MADE OF GOLD?
16071	KARKAT: BIG DEAL. THE PLACE WAS WAY TOO BRIGHT AND GARISH.
16072	TEREZI: 444444RGH, YOU 4R3 SO FRUSTR4T1NG!
16073	TEREZI: JUST
16074	TEREZI: N3V3R M1ND >:[
16075	GAMZEE: HeY CaN I InTeReSt yOu iN KiCkIn tHe wIcKeD ShIt iN ThE HoRn pIlE FoR A FeW ZeEs?
16076	GAMZEE: CoSt yOu oNe pInCh oF SpEcIaL StArDuSt.
16077	TEREZI: TH4NKS G4MZ BUT NO 1 4M NOT T1R3D
16078	TEREZI: 1 M4Y GO FOR 4NOTH3R UN3XP3CT3D HONK JUMP SOON THOUGH
16079	GAMZEE: Oh pLeAsE No dOnT Go mOtHeRfUcKiN GeTtInG My sCaRe oN LiKe tHaT, I CaNt bE HaRdLy hAnDlInG ThAt NoIsE.
16080	TEREZI: SORRY BUT WH3N 4 G1RL H4S TO G3T H3R HONK JUMP ON TH3R3 1S JUST NO STOPP1NG H3R
16081	GAMZEE: OkAy wElL MaYbE WaRn mE ThEn mAyBe.
16082	TEREZI: NO PROM1S3S!
16083	GAMZEE: :o(
16084	TEREZI: H3H3H3H3H3H3H3
16085	ERIDAN: hey ter can you go givve that four horned mustard blooded land licking sack of rubbish ovver there a message for me
16086	ERIDAN: tell him to put his honey wwhere his mouth is and meet me outside for another duel
16087	TEREZI: 1 4M NOT M3D14T1NG B3TW33N YOU TWO!
16088	TEREZI: S3R1OUSLY, COULD YOU M4K3 YOUR 4DV4NC3S 4NY MOR3 OBV1OUS 3R1D4N?
16089	TEREZI: 1F YOUR3 W4X1NG 4SH3N FOR M3, F1N3, 1... GU3SS 1M FL4TT3R3D???
16090	TEREZI: BUT H3S TOT4LLY NOT 3V3N 1NT3R3ST3D 1N TH3 TYP3 OF
16091	TEREZI: UH...
16092	TEREZI: R1V4LRY YOU W4NT W1TH H1M, OK?
16093	CASad ERIDAN: swweet stinkin murder i am truly pathetic arent i
16094	TEREZI: Y3S, 4BSOLUT3LY
16095	NEPETA: :33 < terezi!!! so tell me! who is your favorite?
16096	TEREZI: F4VOR1T3 WH4T?
16097	NEPETA: :33 < human kid!
16098	NEPETA: :33 < oh of course, you like akwete purrmusk with the black glasses!
16099	NEPETA: :33 < he is pretty cute, but mine is jade
16100	TEREZI: OH R34LLY?
16101	NEPETA: :33 < yes, i have tried to make friends with her, but so far she thinks i am just teasing her!!!!
16102	NEPETA: :33 < its pretty furstrating. i will purrsevere though
16103	TEREZI: *TH3 M1GHTY 4ND 4STOUND1NG DR4GONYYYD L3G1SL4C3R4TOR 3NT3RS TH3 3ST33M3D POUNC3LLORS OFF1C3 W1TH 4N URG3NT BUT FR13NDLY R3QU1S1T1ON PURS3D M4G1C4LLY 1N H3R M4J3ST1C SNOUT*
16104	NEPETA: :33 < *the distinguished pouncellor nods in the most dignified and legal of manners at the dashing and well dressed legislacerator*
16105	NEPETA: :33 < *she double checks a series of impurrtant legal clawses and rubber stamps them with wild abandon for the most judicial sort of approval pawsible*
16106	NEPETA: :33 < this all looks to be in order! *she said*
16107	NEPETA: :33 < please follow me! :33
16108	NEPETA: :33 < *she also said*
16109	NEPETA: :33 < here you go! f33l fr33 to borrow it as long as you like
16110	NEPETA: :33 < oh! also as tempting as it may s33m, please dont go to sl33p in that comfy pile of wands there!
16111	NEPETA: :33 < both prospit and derse dreamers have been banned from napping until further notice!
16112	EQUIUS: D --> It's mystifying
16113	EQUIUS: D --> In spite of my warnings, he seems absolutely committed to being attracted to cases of stairs like a goshdarned magnetron
16114	EQUIUS: D --> Now that I think about it, I should probably deactivate his pelvic magnetron
16115	TEREZI: H3Y K4N4Y4, 4R3 YOU ST1LL OGL1NG H3R?
16116	KANAYA: What
16117	KANAYA: Is That What Im Doing
16118	TEREZI: Y3S 1T 1S OBV1OUS
16119	TEREZI: WHY TH3 1NF4TU4T1ON W1TH TH4T P4RT1CUL4R HUM4N
16120	KANAYA: Hmm
16121	KANAYA: I Guess I Find Her Sort Of
16122	KANAYA: Intoxicating
16123	TEREZI: OHHHHHHHHHHH??????? >8D
16124	KANAYA: Intoxicatingly Underwhelming
16125	TEREZI: >:?
16126	SOLLUX: are you 2tiill 2pyiing on that iin2ufferable priick.
16127	SOLLUX: 2eriiou2ly a dude giive2 a giirl a few buck2 and 2uddenly 2he cant keep her no2e off hiim, iit ii2 2o prediictable.
16128	TEREZI: SHUT UP SOLLUX H3S COOL
16129	TEREZI: 1 DONT G3T WHY YOU DONT L1K3 H1M, H3 R3M1NDS M3 OF YOU 4 B1T
16130	SOLLUX: you thiink iim cool?
16131	TEREZI: SOM3T1M3S!
16132	SOLLUX: how often?
16133	SOLLUX: don't 2ay half the tiime.
16134	TEREZI: >:|
16135	SOLLUX: oh god ii walked riight iinto that one diidn't ii.
16136	FEFERI: Terezi, we can't just )(ide )(ere forever! We )(ave to kill t)(e demon!
16137	TEREZI: 1 KNOW! BUT HOW? H3 S33MS 1NV1NC1BL3
16138	TEREZI: 1F 4 THOUS4ND 4R4D14BOTS COULDNT K1LL H1M, WH4T HOP3 DO W3 H4V3?
16139	FEFERI: T)(e )(umans! T)(ey are t)(e answer.
16140	TEREZI: H4H4H4H4H4, S3R1OUSLY?
16141	FEFERI: Y-----------ES!!! I am sure of it.
16142	TEREZI: UM, OK, 1F YOU S4Y SO F3F3R1!
16143	ARADIA: 0h is that what feferi thinks
16144	ARADIA: thats nice
16145	ARADIA: havent y0u underst00d anything ab0ut h0w parad0x space w0rks
16146	ARADIA: 0f c0urse they are the s0luti0n
16147	ARADIA: but they are als0 the pr0blem
16148	ARADIA: every effect is als0 its 0wn cause
16149	ARADIA: 0ur tw0 universes exist 0n 0pp0sing sides 0f a m0bius strip which is 0f c0urse n0thing but c0ntradicti0n
16150	ARADIA: enj0y engineering the present c0nundrum as y0u try t0 s0lve it
16151	ARADIA: im c0mpletely d0ne with this
16152	TEREZI: GR34T T4LK1NG TO YOU 4R4D14, TH4T W4S 4 BL4ST4S USU4L
16153	VRISKA: Hey, if it isn't miss money8ags! How are you enjoying your fa8ulous wealth!
16154	VRISKA: If it was me, I would feel ashamed to get rich that way. 8y having a secret admirer just hand it to me like that, rather than earning it. That's just me though!
16155	TEREZI: GOD, YOUR J34LOUSLY 1S R1D1CULOUS! NOBODY C4R3S 4BOUT STOCKP1L1NG M34N1NGL3SS TR34SUR3 OTH3R TH4N YOU. W1LL YOU GROW UP???
16156	VRISKA: I guess you're right. I'm just giving you a hard time!
16157	VRISKA: You know, like the good old days. Don't you miss our friendly rivalry sometimes?
16158	TEREZI: H4H4H4, FR13NDLY?????
16159	VRISKA: Sure! So to speak.
16160	VRISKA: Anyway, just so you know, you're not the only one who can play a chumpy 8oy, and manipul8 him into doing what you want.
16161	VRISKA: In fact, I'm not even going to use any powers! Just to prove it's no 8ig deal.
16162	TEREZI: WH4T TH3 H3LL 4R3 YOU T4LK1NG 4BOUT
16163	VRISKA: You'll see!!!!!!!! Oops, smell. Haha, 8n't it a 8ummer you never died????????
16164	TEREZI: NO >:P
16165	VRISKA: Oh well. Anyway, let's get this party started. I declare the chumpy impressiona8le human 8oy-off to 8e........
16166	VRISKA: OOOOOOOON! :::;)
16167	TEREZI: UGH, YOU 4R3 SO CR4ZY
16168	TEREZI: LOOK1NG PR3TTY COOL T4VROS! >:
16169	TAVROS: tHANKS, i FEEL GREAT, aND REALLY CONFIDENT SUDDENLY,
16170	TAVROS: lIKE, aS IF rUFIO GAVE ME BOTH THE HIGH FIVES HE HAS, aND THEN SORT OF ONE OF THOSE BRO MASSAGES, aS IF TO SAY,
16171	TAVROS: yOU'RE THE CHAMP, oR THAT KIND OF THING,", "TEREZI: DONT L3T 4NYON3 3V3R T3LL YOU RUF1O'S NOT R34L
16172	TEREZI: 1F YOU B3L13V3 H4RD 3NOUGH 1N 1M4G1N4RY TH1NGS, TH4T M4K3S TH3M SL1GHTLY L3SS F4K3!
16173	TAVROS: oKAY, tHAT'S GREAT ADVICE TO KNOW,", "TAVROS: nOW i'M GOING TO GET SOME MORE LEG PRACTICE IN,
16174	TAVROS: i FEEL LIKE i COULD TAKE ON ALL THE STAIRS IN PARADOX SPACE, aND i JUST PRETENDED AS HARD AS I COULD THAT rUFIO WINKED IN AGREEANCE,
16175	TAVROS: sEE YOU LATER, aFTER, i'M DEFINITELY SUCCESSFUL AT ALL THE THINGS i TRY,
16176	KARKAT: JUST... PLEASE.
16177	KARKAT: GO FIND SOME REMOTE CORNER OF THIS LAB, BUILD YOURSELF A NICE WEB, AND SIT THERE PEACEFULLY AND HARMLESSLY UNTIL WE ALL DIE. OK?
16178	VRISKA: Die? Lame.
16179	VRISKA: Karkat, there is a8solutely no chance we are going to die.
16180	VRISKA: Not with my luck! I got all of it, remem8er?
16181	VRISKA: The Scourge Sisters are 8ack in action! Yeah!!!!!!!!
16182	TEREZI: NO W3 4R3 NOT! W1LL YOU STOP W1TH TH4T 4LR34DY???
16183	VRISKA: Sure we are! You'll find out. Just give it a few hours.
16184	TEREZI: 1 W1LL G1V3 YOU 4 F3W DRUBB1NGS!
16185	VRISKA: Yes!!!!!!!! That's the spirit, Redglare.
16186	TEREZI: BL4R, PL34S3 DO NOT ST4RT US1NG MY OLD FL4RP1NG N4M3, 1T'S SO 3MB4RR4SS1NG
16187	VRISKA: Hey.
16188	ERIDAN: hey
16189	VRISKA: So........
16190	ERIDAN: wwhats up
16191	VRISKA: Nothing.
16192	VRISKA: Standing by the old horn pile I see.
16193	ERIDAN: yup
16194	VRISKA: Yeah........
16195	VRISKA: Ok then. Carry on I guess.
16196	ERIDAN: god damn vvris wwhys it still got to be so flippin awwkwward like this come on
16197	ERIDAN: wwe used to havve a good thing goin remember our campaigns
16198	ERIDAN: that shit wwas epic wwhere are you evven goin to find a rivvalry like that
16199	VRISKA: It was fun, Eridan. While it lasted.
16200	VRISKA: 8ut it ran its course! I don't know what else to tell you.
16201	ERIDAN: oh as if im not so ovver it please spare me your disdain mindfang
16202	ERIDAN: im wworkin on findin a neww rivvalry wwhichll make ours look like a kiddie game
16203	ERIDAN: wwhich oh by the wway IT WWAS
16204	VRISKA: If you say so, Dualscar! 8est of luck with that.
16205	VRISKA: Too 8ad the luck's all mine now! Hahahaha.
16206	NEPETA: :33 < *nepeta giggles at the spidergirls funny googly eye. she just cant s33m to get used to it!*
16207	VRISKA: *Marquise Mindfang shares the innocent young catgirl's giggle, as she surreptitiously reaches for an orn8 dagger concealed in her 8oot!*
16208	NEPETA: :33 < noooooo dont roleplay as mindfang! :((
16209	NEPETA: :33 < you only do terrible things when you are her
16210	NEPETA: :33 < why dont you pretend to be something cute for a change?
16211	VRISKA: How a8out my spidersona? It's adora8le!
16212	NEPETA: :33 < no its not! you only do terrible things as your spidersona too
16213	NEPETA: :33 < i changed my mind, why dont we just not do any roleplaying instead
16214	VRISKA: ::::(
16215	VRISKA: I must say, I am really disgusted 8y how you've resorted to following orders from that low class slo8 with the hideous mutant 8lood.
16216	VRISKA: I thought you were 8etter than that! I thought WE were 8etter than that.
16217	EQUIUS: D --> I...
16218	EQUIUS: D --> You're absolutely right, it's disgraceful
16219	EQUIUS: D --> I think it is possibly time to admit I have some sort of problem
16220	EQUIUS: D --> I would very much like to honor my position on the hemospectrum and mistreat those beneath me, and yet...
16221	VRISKA: Whoa, alright! I was just messing with you, dude. As if I really give a shit a8out any of that!
16222	VRISKA: Hahahahahahahaha.
16223	VRISKA: Hey dead girl! How's 8eing dead treating you?
16224	ARADIA: c0uldnt i ask y0u the same thing
16225	VRISKA: Yeah, sure! If you wanted to 8e technically inaccur8. It would still 8urn though, so touche!
16226	ARADIA: its really weird that y0u keep antag0nizing me
16227	ARADIA: i c0uld snap y0ur neck with a twitch
16228	VRISKA: Yeah 8ut you won't!
16229	ARADIA: 0k
16230	ARADIA: what d0 y0u want
16231	VRISKA: You saw the demon up close, right? You fought him! Or at least your doppelgangers did.
16232	ARADIA: yes
16233	VRISKA: What was he like!
16234	ARADIA: ...
16235	ARADIA: what d0 y0u want t0 kn0w specifically
16236	VRISKA: Primarily I'm interested in your take on his weaknesses, tactical disadvantages, stuff like that.
16237	ARADIA: 0_0
16238	ARADIA: are y0u seri0usly intending t0 fight him
16239	VRISKA: Wouldn't you like to know!!!!!!!!
16240	ARADIA: n0t especially
16241	VRISKA: So! You sure seem excited a8out the alien kids. What gives????????
16242	FEFERI: Glub... I wouldn't say t)(at.
16243	VRISKA: Oh?
16244	FEFERI: T)(e w)(ole t)(ing doesn't seem like it's wort)( getting worked up about, to be )(onest.
16245	VRISKA: ::::|
16246	FEFERI: Sig)(. T)(ey're just kind of dull.
16247	FEFERI: Life is dull and uninteresting.
16248	FEFERI: I don't know, maybe I'm just a little depressed.
16249	FEFERI: You probably wouldn't understand.
16250	VRISKA: Sure I would! We all have our off days. Hey, if you need someone to talk to, I'm...
16251	FEFERI: Pffffffffffffffffff )(-E)(-E)(-E)(-E!
16252	FEFERI: PSYYYYYYC)(-E )(-E-E )(-E-E )(-E-E )(-E-E )(OO )(OO )(OO! 38D
16253	FEFERI: )(oly crap did I get you good! )(ey, Sollux! Did you catc)( any of t)(at?
16254	FEFERI: A live one jumped rig)(t into my boat! A real suckerfis)(! Woo)(oo)(oo. )(ow do you like t)(at, spider)(ag! Sea dwellers represent!!!
16255	VRISKA: That was...
16256	VRISKA: Surprisingly nasty of you.
16257	VRISKA: I'm impressed!
16258	FEFERI: T)(anks. I )(ope I didn't jeopardize our friends)(ip wit)( t)(at little stunt! 38)
16259	VRISKA: Friendship? I don't know if...
16260	VRISKA: W8 a minute. Why you!!!!!!!! You almost got me AGAIN!
16261	VRISKA: Have I ever told you how awesome you are, Peixes?
16262	VRISKA: Sollux, I never got to simultaneously thank you and reprimand you for tracing that money transfer.
16263	VRISKA: On the one hand, it made Terezi rich, and now she won't stop lording it over me!
16264	SOLLUX: ok, ii'm pretty much 100% po2iitiive 2he'2 not actually doiing that, but ok.
16265	VRISKA: Shh! 8ut on the other hand, you've opened up a whole world to me with this discovery. So many people to meddle with, so many plans to hatch.
16266	VRISKA: So really, my reaction to it is twofold. Somewhat 8ipolar if you will. Don't you think that's appropri8?
16267	SOLLUX: man, ju2t...
16268	SOLLUX: go away.
16269	SOLLUX: ii'm not iin the glubbiing mood.
16270	VRISKA: Stop saying fish things, everyone thinks it's annoying!!!!!!!!
16271	GAMZEE: VrIsKa hEy yOu wAnT To uH...
16272	VRISKA: What?
16273	GAMZEE: ShIt, I WaS AlL GoInG To aSk iF YoU WaNtEd tO HoP In tHe hOrN PiLe fOr a bIt oF MoThErFuCkIn sHuTeYe, BuT...
16274	GAMZEE: I DoN'T ThInK I WiLl cAuSe i'm pReTtY MuCh sCaReD Of yOu, So yEaH.
16275	VRISKA: Aww. ::::)
16276	VRISKA: Pst!
16277	KANAYA: Yes
16278	VRISKA: Hey, what's your deal?
16279	KANAYA: ...
16280	VRISKA: I'm talking to you!
16281	KANAYA: What Do You Want
16282	VRISKA: Nothing really! It's just you haven't said one word to me since we got here.
16283	VRISKA: In fact, we've hardly spoken in weeks! Not since you gave me that nice dress.
16284	KANAYA: Oh Sorry I Hadnt Really Noticed
16285	VRISKA: That was gr8, remem8er that? What happened to all that? You used to meddle and 8ug and fuss over me all the time. It was annoying, 8ut kinda fun!
16286	KANAYA: Do You Want Me To
16287	VRISKA: I don't know. It would 8e cool if we could catch up some time though.
16288	KANAYA: Whats There Really To Catch Up On
16289	VRISKA: Whatever! Stuff. Anything!
16290	VRISKA: You are really strange, fussyfangs. I don't get you anymore.
16291	KANAYA: Okay
16292	VRISKA: That was some pretty sweet chainsaw work earlier. Pretty 8rutal, really! Didn't think you had it in you.
16293	VRISKA: Hey, you weren't settling a score with him there 8y any chance?
16294	KANAYA: What
16295	VRISKA: I've got a pretty keen nose for revenge. Could it 8e that you had a thing for him and were upset when he went for me instead? Hmmmmmmmm?
16296	KANAYA: Did He Really "Go" For You
16297	KANAYA: Thats Not How I Remember It
16298	VRISKA: Yes, I think I must 8e on to something here! Anyway if that's the case, sorry a8out the 8ad 8r8k!
16299	KANAYA: Could You Leave Me Alone
16300	VRISKA: Hey, which one are you spying on there? Someone new to meddle with?
16301	KANAYA: I Said Leave
16302	VRISKA: Fiiiiiiiine, god.
16303	VRISKA: Tavros, they look amazing. YOU look amazing.
16304	VRISKA: 8eing a8le to walk suits you so much 8etter. Have I ever told you how much of a loser you were when you were a cripple? It's a real shame a8out how that had to happen to you.
16305	TAVROS: nO, bUT THANK YOU FOR SAYING SO,
16306	TAVROS: i MEAN, fOR THE GOOD STUFF YOU SAID, nOT NECESSARILY THE BAD STUFF,
16307	VRISKA: You're welcome! Now, how do those 8ad 8oys handle on stairs?
16308	TAVROS: i DON'T KNOW, BUT I'VE BEEN ADVISED TO STAY AWAY FROM THEM,
16309	VRISKA: Worst advice you could ever receive. I demand that you spend the next several hours mastering stairs.
16310	TAVROS: uHHHH,
16311	VRISKA: Come on, what would that fakey 8ullshit fantasy asshole Rufio say a8out this?
16312	TAVROS: oH, mAN, hE WOULD MOST SURELY BE ALL ABOUT ME CLIMBING LOTS OF STAIRS,
16313	TAVROS: pER THE REASSURANCES THAT i PRETEND HE SAYS, aND ALL THE SELF ESTEEM HE INSISTS ME TO HAVE,
16314	VRISKA: Exactly! Now hop to it, and don't think twice a8out it, or I'll know. We don't want to have to do it the hard way now, do we?
16315	TAVROS: oH MY GOD,
16316	KARKAT: HEY I JUST GOT DONE TALKING TO YOU IN THE PAST. REMEMBER YOU WERE FUCKING AROUND WITH THE VOLCANO AND I PASSED OUT FOR AN HOUR?
16317	KANAYA: Vaguely
16318	KARKAT: THAT WAS NOW. HEY GUESS WHAT, NEW ORDERS. NO MORE IMPROMPTU AMPUTATIONS, OK?
16319	KANAYA: Impromptutations
16320	KARKAT: YEAH. KEEP YOUR LIPSTICK CAPPED OK. I DON'T WANT TO TURN AROUND AND SEE RAINBOW BLOOD SPRAYING EVERY WHICH WAY JUST CAUSE YOU THINK THE PLACE IS A LITTLE DRAB.
16321	KANAYA: I Did My Best To Clean Up The Blood Before You Woke Up
16322	KARKAT: THANKS FOR THAT. ALSO ANOTHER NEW ORDER. DON'T GO TO SLEEP.
16323	KANAYA: Dont Worry I Dont Really Want To Find Out What Happens If I Do
16324	KANAYA: Any Other Orders
16325	KANAYA: Such As Those Which Might Pertain To These Alien Children
16326	KARKAT: YEAH, MY ORDERS ARE THAT THEY'RE COMPLETELY IRRELEVANT, AND WHO CARES ABOUT THEM.
16327	KANAYA: How Are Those Orders
16328	KARKAT: BECAUSE I'M YOUR LEADER THAT'S HOW.
16329	KANAYA: They Are Not Irrelevant
16330	KARKAT: HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT.
16331	KANAYA: Its A Bit Complicated
16332	KANAYA: But I Believe You Should Give Them A Closer Look Before You Decide What To Do About Them If Anything
16333	KANAYA: Perhaps Then An Especially Leaderly Speech Will Be In Order
16334	KARKAT: OK I DOUBT THAT BUT WHATEVER.
16335	CCG: OK.
16336	CCG: EVERYTHING'S FINE I GUESS.
16337	PGA: What Happened
16338	CCG: I PASSED OUT FOR ABOUT AN HOUR.
16339	CCG: FUCKING EMBARRASSING.
16340	CCG: YOU ARE OUT OF YOUR GODDAMN MIND, YOU KNOW.
16341	PGA: Shithive Maggots You Mean
16342	CCG: YEAH
16343	CCG: IN A GOOD WAY THOUGH.
16344	CCG: OK I'M SHUTTING THIS MEMO DOWN FOR MY PAST SELF.
16345	CCG: SINCE HE'S CURRENTLY LYING UNCONSCIOUS ON THE FLOOR AN HOUR AGO.
16346	CCG: SEE YOU IN THE FUTURE-NOW.
16347	PGA: Til Then
16348	TEREZI: H3Y K4N4Y4, 4R3 YOU ST1LL OGL1NG H3R?
16349	KANAYA: What
16350	KANAYA: Is That What Im Doing
16351	TEREZI: Y3S 1T 1S OBV1OUS
16352	TEREZI: WHY TH3 1NF4TU4T1ON W1TH TH4T P4RT1CUL4R HUM4N
16353	KANAYA: Hmm
16354	KANAYA: I Guess I Find Her Sort Of
16355	KANAYA: Intoxicating
16356	TEREZI: OHHHHHHHHHHH??????? >8D
16357	KANAYA: Intoxicatingly Underwhelming
16358	TEREZI: >:?
16359	KANAYA: Hey Have You Ever Heard Of The Green Sun
16360	KARKAT: YEAH. IT'S GOT SOMETHING TO DO WITH THEIR PLAN TO KILL NOIR.
16361	KANAYA: I See
16362	KANAYA: Anything More Specific Than That
16363	KARKAT: NOPE. I'VE GOT NO IDEA WHAT IT IS, WHAT IT DOES, WHAT ITS ROLE IN THE PLAN IS, OR IF IT'S GOT ANY CHANCE OF WORKING.
16364	KARKAT: WE SHOULD PROBABLY WORRY ABOUT OUR OWN PROBLEMS.
16365	VRISKA: Pst!
16366	KANAYA: Yes
16367	VRISKA: Hey, what's your deal?
16368	KANAYA: ...
16369	VRISKA: I'm talking to you!
16370	KANAYA: What Do You Want
16371	VRISKA: Nothing really! It's just you haven't said one word to me since we got here.
16372	VRISKA: In fact, we've hardly spoken in weeks! Not since you gave me that nice dress.
16373	KANAYA: Oh Sorry I Hadnt Really Noticed
16374	VRISKA: That was gr8, remem8er that? What happened to all that? You used to meddle and 8ug and fuss over me all the time. It was annoying, 8ut kinda fun!
16375	KANAYA: Do You Want Me To
16376	VRISKA: I don't know. It would 8e cool if we could catch up some time though.
16377	KANAYA: Whats There Really To Catch Up On
16378	VRISKA: Whatever! Stuff. Anything!
16379	VRISKA: You are really strange, fussyfangs. I don't get you anymore.
16380	KANAYA: Okay
16381	VRISKA: That was some pretty sweet chainsaw work earlier. Pretty 8rutal, really! Didn't think you had it in you.
16382	VRISKA: Hey, you weren't settling a score with him there 8y any chance?
16383	KANAYA: What
16384	VRISKA: I've got a pretty keen nose for revenge. Could it 8e that you had a thing for him and were upset when he went for me instead? Hmmmmmmmm?
16385	KANAYA: Did He Really "Go" For You
16386	KANAYA: Thats Not How I Remember It
16387	VRISKA: Yes, I think I must 8e on to something here! Anyway if that's the case, sorry a8out the 8ad 8r8k!
16388	KANAYA: Could You Leave Me Alone
16389	VRISKA: Hey, which one are you spying on there? Someone new to meddle with?
16390	KANAYA: I Said Leave
16391	VRISKA: Fiiiiiiiine, god.
16392	ERIDAN: wwhat a fuckin vvulgar display this is
16393	ERIDAN: airin out all his dirty laundry like that puttin a big fuckin pile a horns in the middle of the room
16394	ERIDAN: at least i got the upright basic decency to hide my shitty wand pile somewwhere in the lab you wwont find it dont evven bother lookin
16395	KARKAT: WHY DO YOU ASSHOLES HAVE PILES OF THINGS, JUST STOP.
16396	ERIDAN: he��y ter can you go givve that four horned mustard blooded land licking sack of rubbish ovver there a message for me
16397	ERIDAN: tell him to put his honey wwhere his mouth is and meet me outside for another duel
16398	TEREZI: 1 4M NOT M3D14T1NG B3TW33N YOU TWO!
16399	TEREZI: S3R1OUSLY, COULD YOU M4K3 YOUR 4DV4NC3S 4NY MOR3 OBV1OUS 3R1D4N?
16400	TEREZI: 1F YOUR3 W4X1NG 4SH3N FOR M3, F1N3, 1... GU3SS 1M FL4TT3R3D???
16401	TEREZI: BUT H3S TOT4LLY NOT 3V3N 1NT3R3ST3D 1N TH3 TYP3 OF
16402	TEREZI: UH...
16403	TEREZI: R1V4LRY YOU W4NT W1TH H1M, OK?
16404	ERIDAN: swweet stinkin murder i am truly pathetic arent i
16405	TEREZI: Y3S, 4BSOLUT3LY
16406	VRISKA: Hey.
16407	ERIDAN: hey
16408	VRISKA: So........
16409	ERIDAN: wwhats up
16410	VRISKA: Nothing.
16411	VRISKA: Standing by the old horn pile I see.
16412	ERIDAN: yup
16413	VRISKA: Yeah........
16414	VRISKA: Ok then. Carry on I guess.
16415	ERIDAN: god damn vvris wwhys it still got to be so flippin awwkwward like this come on
16416	ERIDAN: wwe used to havve a good thing goin remember our campaigns
16417	ERIDAN: that shit wwas epic wwhere are you evven goin to find a rivvalry like that
16418	VRISKA: It was fun, Eridan. While it lasted.
16419	VRISKA: 8ut it ran its course! I don't know what else to tell you.
16420	ERIDAN: oh as if im not so ovver it please spare me your disdain mindfang
16421	ERIDAN: im wworkin on findin a neww rivvalry wwhichll make ours look like a kiddie game
16422	ERIDAN: wwhich oh by the wway IT WWAS
16423	VRISKA: If you say so, Dualscar! 8est of luck with that.
16424	VRISKA: Too 8ad the luck's all mine now! Hahahaha.
16425	ERIDAN: fuck that fuckin wwitch bleww up my computer
16426	ERIDAN: ok not literally the wwitch as in thats not literally her title or anythin
16427	ERIDAN: the seer i guess
16428	ERIDAN: fuckin lousy no good goddamn rotten seer
16429	VRISKA: Eridan! Do I detect 8lack romance in the air????????
16430	VRISKA: <3< <3< <3< <3< <3< <3< <3< <3<
16431	ERIDAN: shut yer spidertrap wwitch there are serious emotions happening ovver here
16432	NEPETA: :33 < oh god this is so great, they look like they are so much fun!
16433	KARKAT: WHO
16434	NEPETA: :33 < the humans!!!
16435	KARKAT: WHAT'S A HUMAN
16436	NEPETA: :33 < the alien kids! come on karcat, you need to stop taking all these silly naps and get up to sp33d
16437	KARKAT: WAIT, WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING
16438	KARKAT: YOU HAVEN'T BEEN PULLING YOUR RP NONSENSE ON THEM HAVE YOU? TALK ABOUT A SHITTY FIRST ENCOUNTER.
16439	KARKAT: OK AS LEADER, I FORBID YOU FROM RP'ING WITH THEM.
16440	NEPETA: :33 < but equius already furbid me from doing that :((
16441	NEPETA: :33 < not that i am listening to him, but shhhhh! :33
16442	KARKAT: WAIT, HE DID?
16443	KARKAT: OK, THEN AS YOUR LEADER I ORDER YOU TO RP WITH THEM AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE. BE AS OBNOXIOUS ABOUT IT AS YOU CAN.
16444	NEPETA: :33 < yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!
16445	NEPETA: :33 < terezi!!! so tell me! who is your favorite?
16446	TEREZI: F4VOR1T3 WH4T?
16447	NEPETA: :33 < human kid!
16448	NEPETA: :33 < oh of course, you like akwete purrmusk with the black glasses!
16449	NEPETA: :33 < he is pretty cute, but mine is jade
16450	TEREZI: OH R34LLY?
16451	NEPETA: :33 < yes, i have tried to make friends with her, but so far she thinks i am just teasing her!!!!
16452	NEPETA: :33 < its pretty furstrating. i will purrsevere though
16453	TEREZI: *TH3 M1GHTY 4ND 4STOUND1NG DR4GONYYYD L3G1SL4C3R4TOR 3NT3RS TH3 3ST33M3D POUNC3LLORS OFF1C3 W1TH 4N URG3NT BUT FR13NDLY R3QU1S1T1ON PURS3D M4G1C4LLY 1N H3R M4J3ST1C SNOUT*
16454	NEPETA: :33 < *the distinguished pouncellor nods in the most dignified and legal of manners at the dashing and well dressed legislacerator*
16455	NEPETA: :33 < *she double checks a series of impurrtant legal clawses and rubber stamps them with wild abandon for the most judicial sort of approval pawsible*
16456	NEPETA: :33 < this all looks to be in order! *she said*
16457	NEPETA: :33 < please follow me! :33
16458	NEPETA: :33 < *she also said*
16459	NEPETA: :33 < here you go! f33l fr33 to borrow it as long as you like
16460	NEPETA: :33 < oh! also as tempting as it may s33m, please dont go to sl33p in that comfy pile of wands there!
16461	NEPETA: :33 < both prospit and derse dreamers have been banned from napping until further notice!
16462	NEPETA: :33 < *nepeta giggles at the spidergirls funny googly eye. she just cant s33m to get used to it!*
16463	VRISKA: *Marquise Mindfang shares the innocent young catgirl's giggle, as she surreptitiously reaches for an orn8 dagger concealed in her 8oot!*
16464	NEPETA: :33 < noooooo dont roleplay as mindfang! :((
16465	NEPETA: :33 < you only do terrible things when you are her
16466	NEPETA: :33 < why dont you pretend to be something cute for a change?
16467	VRISKA: How a8out my spidersona? It's adora8le!
16468	NEPETA: :33 < no its not! you only do terrible things as your spidersona too
16469	NEPETA: :33 < i changed my mind, why dont we just not do any roleplaying instead
16470	VRISKA: ::::(
16471	TAVROS: hEYYY, yOU'RE AWAKE,
16472	KARKAT: HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD HAVE BEEN AN AWESOME TIME TO TAKE THE OPPORTUNITY TO SAW YOUR LOWER TORSO OFF AND REPLACE IT WITH ROBO LEGS?
16473	TAVROS: nO,
16474	KARKAT: ANY GODDAMN TIME BEFORE NOW. YOU KNOW, DURING OUR WHOLE ADVENTURE WHEN THEY MIGHT HAVE COME IN HANDY.
16475	KARKAT: ALSO WHEN I DIDN'T HAPPEN TO BE STANDING AROUND. THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN SO SWEET.
16476	TAVROS: oHH, sORRY, i MEAN i WAS KIND OF ASLEEP TOO, sO, i DIDN'T HAVE A LOT OF SAY,
16477	TAVROS: iN THE MATTER,
16478	KARKAT: DID YOU SEE HIM?
16479	TAVROS: wHO,
16480	KARKAT: THE DEMON. WHEN YOU WERE ASLEEP.
16481	TAVROS: nO,
16482	KARKAT: HE WAS RIGHT FUCKING THERE. I TOLD YOU TO LOOK, BUT I GUESS YOU WERE TOO BUSY FROLICKING IN THE SKY OR WHATEVER YOU DO ON THAT GAUDY YELLOW MOON.
16483	TAVROS: oH, mAN, yEAH SKY FROLICKING WAS PROBABLY DEFINITELY THE THING i WAS PREOCCUPIED BY,
16484	KARKAT: ANYWAY, THAT WAS JUST BEFORE HE BLEW THE PLACE UP.
16485	TAVROS: wHOA, iS THAT WHAT HAPPENED,
16486	KARKAT: IDIOT.
16487	KARKAT: JUST DON'T GO TO SLEEP. SPREAD THE WORD.
16488	TAVROS: i COULDN'T POSSIBLY SLEEP NOW, i'M TOO EXCITED ABOUT THESE AWESOME LEGS, lOOK AT ME GO, wHOOPS,
16489	TEREZI: LOOK1NG PR3TTY COOL T4VROS! >:
16490	TAVROS: tHANKS, i FEEL GREAT, aND REALLY CONFIDENT SUDDENLY,
16491	TAVROS: lIKE, aS IF rUFIO GAVE ME BOTH THE HIGH FIVES HE HAS, aND THEN SORT OF ONE OF THOSE BRO MASSAGES, aS IF TO SAY,
16492	TAVROS: yOU'RE THE CHAMP, oR THAT KIND OF THING,", "TEREZI: DONT L3T 4NYON3 3V3R T3LL YOU RUF1O'S NOT R34L
16493	TEREZI: 1F YOU B3L13V3 H4RD 3NOUGH 1N 1M4G1N4RY TH1NGS, TH4T M4K3S TH3M SL1GHTLY L3SS F4K3!
16494	TAVROS: oKAY, tHAT'S GREAT ADVICE TO KNOW,", "TAVROS: nOW i'M GOING TO GET SOME MORE LEG PRACTICE IN,
16495	TAVROS: i FEEL LIKE i COULD TAKE ON ALL THE STAIRS IN PARADOX SPACE, aND i JUST PRETENDED AS HARD AS I COULD THAT rUFIO WINKED IN AGREEANCE,
16496	TAVROS: sEE YOU LATER, aFTER, i'M DEFINITELY SUCCESSFUL AT ALL THE THINGS i TRY,
16497	VRISKA: Tavros, they look amazing. YOU look amazing.
16498	VRISKA: 8eing a8le to walk suits you so much 8etter. Have I ever told you how much of a loser you were when you were a cripple? It's a real shame a8out how that had to happen to you.
16499	TAVROS: nO, bUT THANK YOU FOR SAYING SO,
16500	TAVROS: i MEAN, fOR THE GOOD STUFF YOU SAID, nOT NECESSARILY THE BAD STUFF,
16501	VRISKA: You're welcome! Now, how do those 8ad 8oys handle on stairs?
16502	TAVROS: i DON'T KNOW, BUT I'VE BEEN ADVISED TO STAY AWAY FROM THEM,
16503	VRISKA: Worst advice you could ever receive. I demand that you spend the next several hours mastering stairs.
16504	TAVROS: uHHHH,
16505	VRISKA: Come on, what would that fakey 8ullshit fantasy asshole Rufio say a8out this?
16506	TAVROS: oH, mAN, hE WOULD MOST SURELY BE ALL ABOUT ME CLIMBING LOTS OF STAIRS,
16507	TAVROS: pER THE REASSURANCES THAT i PRETEND HE SAYS, aND ALL THE SELF ESTEEM HE INSISTS ME TO HAVE,
16508	VRISKA: Exactly! Now hop to it, and don't think twice a8out it, or I'll know. We don't want to have to do it the hard way now, do we?
16509	TAVROS: oH MY GOD,
16510	TAVROS: i WAS WARNED ABOUT THEM,
16511	TAVROS: aND YET, i THREW CAUTION TO THE WIND,
16512	TAVROS: iT TURNED OUT THAT,
16513	TAVROS: rUFIO WAS ALMOST AS WRONG AS,
16514	TAVROS: hE WAS FAKE,
16515	KARKAT: THIS ROBOLEG BULLSHIT WAS YOUR IDEA WASN'T IT.
16516	EQUIUS: D --> I only supplied the technological means, though my lobbying for a hooven quadrupedal lower torso went tragically disregarded
16517	KARKAT: OK I HEREBY ORDER YOU TO NEVER EVEN THINK ABOUT GIVING SOMEONE HORSELEGS AGAIN, IS THAT UNDERSTOOD.
16518	EQUIUS: D --> Yes, I can follow that order, sir
16519	EQUIUS: D --> Are there any other orders you would like to issue to me in a manner that is similarly forceful
16520	KARKAT: I ALSO ORDER YOU TO STOP GETTING OFF ON MY ORDERS. FOR LIKE THE FIVE HUNDREDTH FUCKING TIME.
16521	EQUIUS: D --> Yes, and you will continue to order me to do so. I command it
16522	EQUIUS: D --> ...
16523	EQUIUS: D --> I need a towel
16524	KARKAT: GO HAVE YOUR BUTLER GET YOU ONE YOU SNOOTY DOUCHE.
16525	EQUIUS: D --> Aurthour is dead, and so is his ghost
16526	EQUIUS: D --> Remember
16527	KARKAT: YEAH.
16528	KARKAT: SORRY MAN, I FORGOT. DIDN'T MEAN TO BRING UP A SORE SUBJECT.
16529	EQUIUS: D --> Is this where embrace jocularly, as if we are "bros
16530	EQUIUS: D --> I will be as gentle as possible
16531	KARKAT: DON'T TOUCH ME.
16532	EQUIUS: D --> It's mystifying
16533	EQUIUS: D --> In spite of my warnings, he seems absolutely committed to being attracted to cases of stairs like a goshdarned magnetron
16534	EQUIUS: D --> Now that I think about it, I should probably deactivate his pelvic magnetron
16535	VRISKA: I must say, I am really disgusted 8y how you've resorted to following orders from that low class slo8 with the hideous mutant 8lood.
16536	VRISKA: I thought you were 8etter than that! I thought WE were 8etter than that.
16537	EQUIUS: D --> I...
16538	EQUIUS: D --> You're absolutely right, it's disgraceful
16539	EQUIUS: D --> I think it is possibly time to admit I have some sort of problem
16540	EQUIUS: D --> I would very much like to honor my position on the hemospectrum and mistreat those beneath me, and yet...
16541	VRISKA: Whoa, alright! I was just messing with you, dude. As if I really give a shit a8out any of that!
16542	VRISKA: Hahahahahahahaha.
16543	ARADIA: have y0u decided t0 tr0ll them yet
16544	KARKAT: TROLL WHO?
16545	ARADIA: never mind
16546	ARADIA: lets pretend i didnt say that and lets als0 pretend it isnt inevitable
16547	KARKAT: WHAT THE FROND BUCKLING NOOK STENCH ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT.
16548	ARADIA: n0thing. its n0t like a decisi0n y0u are ab0ut t0 make will invariably lead t0 every pr0blem we have and will ever face as well as the great und0ing itself
16549	ARADIA: just keep listening t0 y0ur angry impulses it will all be fine
16550	ARADIA: actually i guess i c0uld kill y0u right n0w and st0p it all fr0m happening thus d00ming us all in an 0ffsh00t timeline
16551	ARADIA: i might c0nsider it if we all werent d00med anyway
16552	ARADIA: and if y0u werent my friend
16553	KARKAT: YOU KNOW WHAT WAS GREAT? WHEN YOU USED TO NOT BE A ROBOT.
16554	KARKAT: CAUSE THIS ROBOT THING? THIS IS BULLSHIT.
16555	KARKAT: IF WE WEREN'T ALL ABOUT TO DIE, I'D DEDICATE OUR WHOLE TEAM TO FINDING A WAY TO BRING YOU BACK TO LIFE.
16556	KARKAT: BUT WE ARE SO GUESS WE'LL HAVE TO RIDE OUT THE NEXT FEW HOURS WITH A SPOOKY TIN CAN PSYCHOPATH, SOUNDS LIKE A BLAST.
16557	ARADIA: 0_0
16558	ARADIA: 0h is that what feferi thinks
16559	ARADIA: thats nice
16560	ARADIA: havent y0u underst00d anything ab0ut h0w parad0x space w0rks
16561	ARADIA: 0f c0urse they are the s0luti0n
16562	ARADIA: but they are als0 the pr0blem
16563	ARADIA: every effect is als0 its 0wn cause
16564	ARADIA: 0ur tw0 universes exist 0n 0pp0sing sides 0f a m0bius strip which is 0f c0urse n0thing but c0ntradicti0n
16565	ARADIA: enj0y engineering the present c0nundrum as y0u try t0 s0lve it
16566	ARADIA: im c0mpletely d0ne with this
16567	TEREZI: GR34T T4LK1NG TO YOU 4R4D14, TH4T W4S 4 BL4ST4S USU4L
16568	VRISKA: Hey dead girl! How's 8eing dead treating you?
16569	ARADIA: c0uldnt i ask y0u the same thing
16570	VRISKA: Yeah, sure! If you wanted to 8e technically inaccur8. It would still 8urn though, so touche!
16571	ARADIA: its really weird that y0u keep antag0nizing me
16572	ARADIA: i c0uld snap y0ur neck with a twitch
16573	VRISKA: Yeah 8ut you won't!
16574	ARADIA: 0k
16575	ARADIA: what d0 y0u want
16576	VRISKA: You saw the demon up close, right? You fought him! Or at least your doppelgangers did.
16577	ARADIA: yes
16578	VRISKA: What was he like!
16579	ARADIA: ...
16580	ARADIA: what d0 y0u want t0 kn0w specifically
16581	VRISKA: Primarily I'm interested in your take on his weaknesses, tactical disadvantages, stuff like that.
16582	ARADIA: 0_0
16583	ARADIA: are y0u seri0usly intending t0 fight him
16584	VRISKA: Wouldn't you like to know!!!!!!!!
16585	ARADIA: n0t especially
16586	SOLLUX: hey kk mo2t of the2e computer2 are 2hiit.
16587	SOLLUX: 2o unle22 youve got a real good rea2on ii dont thiink iim gonna bother fiixiing them.
16588	KARKAT: I'M FINE, THANKS FOR ASKING MAN. YOUR CONCERN IS REALLY APPRECIATED, I APPRECIATE IT.
16589	SOLLUX: fuck you and your priimadonna garbage, iim not goiing two break down 2obbiing becau2e you pa22 out at the 2iight of a liittle blood, why dont you man up.
16590	KARKAT: HEY FUCK YOU, I TURN AROUND AND SEE A CRAZY GIRL WITH A CHAINSAW AND A TSUNAMI OF BROWN. IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK THAT WE NOT TURN OUR LITTLE HIDEOUT INTO A SLAUGHTERHOUSE?
16591	SOLLUX: what diid you want me two do get down on the floor and kii22 your faiinted corp2e on the lii2p two wake you up on a nonexii2tent pro2piit?
16592	KARKAT: LET'S NOT DO THIS, OK MAN? JUST THIS ONCE. I DON'T HAVE THE ENERGY.
16593	SOLLUX: yeah ok fiine.
16594	KARKAT: SO WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH THESE ALIENS, IS IT ANYTHING I SHOULD GIVE A SHIT ABOUT?
16595	SOLLUX: no not at all, theyre u2ele22 and uniintere2tiing liike iim 2ure you already gathered.
16596	SOLLUX: ii recommend we dont bother wiith them, though aradiia 2eem2 two thiink well all be iin each other2 2ponge2 iineviitably.
16597	SOLLUX: whatever, iim pretty commiitted two not haviing anythiing two do wiith them ever.
16598	KARKAT: GOOD, THAT'S WHAT I LIKE TO HEAR.
16599	SOLLUX: uh huh, 2ure kk by the look of 2ome of your future memo2 iit look2 liike youre gonna get pretty wound up by thii2 thiing 2oon.
16600	KARKAT: MAN, FUCK MY FUTURE MEMOS.
16601	SOLLUX: no way, theyre hiilariiou2, be2t thiing about haviing you a2 a leader hand2 down.
16602	KARKAT: FUCK THAT SENTIMENT, AND FUCK YOU, AND FUCK FUTURE ME.
16603	SOLLUX: ok. what about pa2t you, ii2 pa2t you cool.
16604	KARKAT: THE ONLY GUY MORE IRRITATING AND STUPID THAN FUTURE ME IS PAST ME.
16605	SOLLUX: ehehehehehehe.
16606	SOLLUX: are you 2tiill 2pyiing on that iin2ufferable priick.
16607	SOLLUX: 2eriiou2ly a dude giive2 a giirl a few buck2 and 2uddenly 2he cant keep her no2e off hiim, iit ii2 2o prediictable.
16608	TEREZI: SHUT UP SOLLUX H3S COOL
16609	TEREZI: 1 DONT G3T WHY YOU DONT L1K3 H1M, H3 R3M1NDS M3 OF YOU 4 B1T
16610	SOLLUX: you thiink iim cool?
16611	TEREZI: SOM3T1M3S!
16612	SOLLUX: how often?
16613	SOLLUX: don't 2ay half the tiime.
16614	TEREZI: >:|
16615	SOLLUX: oh god ii walked riight iinto that one diidn't ii.
16616	VRISKA: Sollux, I never got to simultaneously thank you and reprimand you for tracing that money transfer.
16617	VRISKA: On the one hand, it made Terezi rich, and now she won't stop lording it over me!
16618	SOLLUX: ok, ii'm pretty much 100% po2iitiive 2he'2 not actually doiing that, but ok.
16619	VRISKA: Shh! 8ut on the other hand, you've opened up a whole world to me with this discovery. So many people to meddle with, so many plans to hatch.
16620	VRISKA: So really, my reaction to it is twofold. Somewhat 8ipolar if you will. Don't you think that's appropri8?
16621	SOLLUX: man, ju2t...
16622	SOLLUX: go away.
16623	SOLLUX: ii'm not iin the glubbiing mood.
16624	VRISKA: Stop saying fish things, everyone thinks it's annoying!!!!!!!!
16625	FEFERI: Finally! So Karkat, w)(at was your dream like after you died? I )(ave been glubbing like crazy over )(ere wondering about it.
16626	KARKAT: I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT IT. JUST DON'T GO TO SLEEP.
16627	KARKAT: OH WAIT, YOU'RE A DERSE DREAMER, RIGHT? NEVER MIND, KNOCK YOURSELF OUT. LITERALLY.
16628	FEFERI: You look so nervous and pale. Were you scared of w)(at you saw?
16629	KARKAT: WHAT ABOUT NOT TALKING ABOUT IT DON'T YOU GET.
16630	FEFERI: T)(ere's no reason to be scared! T)(ey are not as terrible as t)(ey look.
16631	FEFERI: W)(en Derse is destroyed, I am going to go to sleep and prove it.
16632	FEFERI: I will prove it to you, and to t)(em as well.
16633	KARKAT: THEM?
16634	FEFERI: Our new friends! You'll see. -Everyt)(ing is going to be ok.
16635	FEFERI: T)(IS IS PR-ETTY -EXCITING! Don't you t)(ink???
16636	KARKAT: "M-E)(
16637	FEFERI: GLUB TO T)(AT ATTITUD-E!!!!!! >38O
16638	FEFERI: Terezi, we can't just )(ide )(ere forever! We )(ave to kill t)(e demon!
16639	TEREZI: 1 KNOW! BUT HOW? H3 S33MS 1NV1NC1BL3
16640	TEREZI: 1F 4 THOUS4ND 4R4D14BOTS COULDNT K1LL H1M, WH4T HOP3 DO W3 H4V3?
16641	FEFERI: T)(e )(umans! T)(ey are t)(e answer.
16642	TEREZI: H4H4H4H4H4, S3R1OUSLY?
16643	FEFERI: Y-----------ES!!! I am sure of it.
16644	TEREZI: UM, OK, 1F YOU S4Y SO F3F3R1!
16645	VRISKA: So! You sure seem excited a8out the alien kids. What gives????????
16646	FEFERI: Glub... I wouldn't say t)(at.
16647	VRISKA: Oh?
16648	FEFERI: T)(e w)(ole t)(ing doesn't seem like it's wort)( getting worked up about, to be )(onest.
16649	VRISKA: ::::|
16650	FEFERI: Sig)(. T)(ey're just kind of dull.
16651	FEFERI: Life is dull and uninteresting.
16652	FEFERI: I don't know, maybe I'm just a little depressed.
16653	FEFERI: You probably wouldn't understand.
16654	VRISKA: Sure I would! We all have our off days. Hey, if you need someone to talk to, I'm...
16655	FEFERI: Pffffffffffffffffff )(-E)(-E)(-E)(-E!
16656	FEFERI: PSYYYYYYC)(-E )(-E-E )(-E-E )(-E-E )(-E-E )(OO )(OO )(OO! 38D
16657	FEFERI: )(oly crap did I get you good! )(ey, Sollux! Did you catc)( any of t)(at?
16658	FEFERI: A live one jumped rig)(t into my boat! A real suckerfis)(! Woo)(oo)(oo. )(ow do you like t)(at, spider)(ag! Sea dwellers represent!!!
16659	VRISKA: That was...
16660	VRISKA: Surprisingly nasty of you.
16661	VRISKA: I'm impressed!
16662	FEFERI: T)(anks. I )(ope I didn't jeopardize our friends)(ip wit)( t)(at little stunt! 38)
16663	VRISKA: Friendship? I don't know if...
16664	VRISKA: W8 a minute. Why you!!!!!!!! You almost got me AGAIN!
16665	VRISKA: Have I ever told you how awesome you are, Peixes?
16666	GAMZEE: HeY CaN I HeLp a tIrEd lOoKiNg bRoThEr gEt hIs mOtHeRfUcKiN NaP On?
16667	GAMZEE: sLeEp iN ThE HoRn pIlE? oNlY 420 bOoNdOlLaRs
16668	KARKAT: I JUST SLEPT ON THE FLOOR FOR AN HOUR, DOES IT LOOK I NEED A NAP???
16669	KARKAT: BESIDES, I JUST BANNED EVERYONE FROM SLEEPING, SO DON'T GO PULLING THIS HORN PILE INN KEEPER SHIT, GOT IT?
16670	KARKAT: ALSO, STOP DANCING. IT'S AWFUL.
16671	GAMZEE: Ok wElL If yOu gEt yOuR MiNd aLl cHaNgEd aBoUt tHaT ThEn yOu kNoW WhErE To fInD ThE PiLe, BeSt fRiEnD
16672	KARKAT: OH YEAH, ALSO CLEAN YOUR FUCKING GARBAGE OFF THE FLOOR. IF THIS SHIT ISN'T GONE IN A FEW HOURS I'M SERIOUSLY GOING TO FLIP OUT.
16673	GAMZEE: HoNk hOnK HoNk hOnK HoNk! :o)
16674	GAMZEE: HeY CaN I InTeReSt yOu iN KiCkIn tHe wIcKeD ShIt iN ThE HoRn pIlE FoR A FeW ZeEs?
16675	GAMZEE: CoSt yOu oNe pInCh oF SpEcIaL StArDuSt.
16676	TEREZI: TH4NKS G4MZ BUT NO 1 4M NOT T1R3D
16677	TEREZI: 1 M4Y GO FOR 4NOTH3R UN3XP3CT3D HONK JUMP SOON THOUGH
16678	GAMZEE: Oh pLeAsE No dOnT Go mOtHeRfUcKiN GeTtInG My sCaRe oN LiKe tHaT, I CaNt bE HaRdLy hAnDlInG ThAt NoIsE.
16679	TEREZI: SORRY BUT WH3N 4 G1RL H4S TO G3T H3R HONK JUMP ON TH3R3 1S JUST NO STOPP1NG H3R
16680	GAMZEE: OkAy wElL MaYbE WaRn mE ThEn mAyBe.
16681	TEREZI: NO PROM1S3S!
16682	GAMZEE: :o(
16683	TEREZI: H3H3H3H3H3H3H3
16684	GAMZEE: VrIsKa hEy yOu wAnT To uH...
16685	VRISKA: What?
16686	GAMZEE: ShIt, I WaS AlL GoInG To aSk iF YoU WaNtEd tO HoP In tHe hOrN PiLe fOr a bIt oF MoThErFuCkIn sHuTeYe, BuT...
16687	GAMZEE: I DoN'T ThInK I WiLl cAuSe i'm pReTtY MuCh sCaReD Of yOu, So yEaH.
16688	VRISKA: Aww. ::::)
16689	Aw, there she is. All tuckered out. You wonder what she is dreaming about? Surely something adorable.
16690	Anyway, guess it's time to get down to business and save her life! You prepare to initiate an uninterrupted sequence of life-saving events.
16691	NANNASPRITE: HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO!
16692	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/sweetcatchblue.gif" border="0" />
16693	JOHN: nanna, what the heck!!!
16694	NANNASPRITE: Hoo hoo hoo!
16695	NANNASPRITE: John, you remind me so much of your father when he was your age. He was just as easily bested by this crafty old prankstress!
16696	JOHN: really?
16697	NANNASPRITE: Yes. It would be many years before he would take the gambit in an exchange with your nanna.
16698	JOHN: but nanna, did you know he is not really my dad? and also, i am not technically your grandson.
16699	JOHN: you are actually sort of my mother.
16700	NANNASPRITE: Of course I knew this, John! I have known for many years.
16701	NANNASPRITE: I have also known that in a sense, you are my father as well. You were the one to push all those buttons, after all!
16702	JOHN: huh, oh yeah.
16703	JOHN: don't you find it all a little strange?
16704	NANNASPRITE: John, I am the ghost of an old lady with one arm who is dressed like a clown. Why would that seem strange to me?
16705	JOHN: heheh.
16706	JOHN: so where have you been, nanna? i have been looking all over for you.
16707	NANNASPRITE: I have been looking for you too, dear!
16708	JOHN: you have?
16709	NANNASPRITE: Yes! It seems you have been rising through the rungs of your echeladder quite swiftly.
16710	JOHN: yeah!
16711	JOHN: now i am an ectobiolo...
16712	JOHN: ectobiblio... shit!
16713	JOHN: (oops! sorry.)
16714	JOHN: ectobioblobabby sitter.
16715	JOHN: damn it, you know what i mean.
16716	NANNASPRITE: Yes, that is quite high. You have climbed so much faster than I did in my youth. I am so proud of you!
16717	JOHN: thanks!
16718	NANNASPRITE: You should have returned sooner! I could have given you this boon at a much lower rung.
16719	JOHN: boon?
16720	NANNASPRITE: Here, John. Take this.
16721	JOHN: ok. what is it?
16722	NANNASPRITE: You can use it to summon me wherever you go.
16723	NANNASPRITE: Now we needn't endure those long spells without a good visit!
16724	JOHN: oh cool, that is great!
16725	NANNASPRITE: And now, the most important question of all.
16726	NANNASPRITE: When was the last time you have eaten anything, young man??
16727	JOHN: hmm, i guess it has been a good while!
16728	JOHN: i've been snacking on gushers a whole lot. bluh...
16729	JOHN: i never realized how terrible they were, actually.
16730	NANNASPRITE: That is completely unacceptable.
16731	NANNASPRITE: I will prepare you a healthy home cooked meal while you relax in your ghost bed and rescue your paradox sister.
16732	JOHN: oh boy!
16733	NANNASPRITE: What would you like? Name what your heart desires. I will use my spooky ghost powers to make it.
16734	JOHN: wow, hmm...
16735	NANNASPRITE: Why, John! Do you hear that sound?
16736	JOHN: uh... no?
16737	NANNASPRITE: It sounds as if your meal is nearly finished!
16738	JOHN: really? already?
16739	NANNASPRITE: BZZZZZ!
16740	JOHN: naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!
16741	NANNASPRITE: HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOO!
16742	These chumps just won't quit hounding you!
16743	It's like they heard somebody over here was handing out asses, and they've known nothing but years of bitter ass famine.
16744	CA: wwho are you tryin to convvince wwith this ludicrous poppycock
16745	TT: ?
16746	CA: magic is NOT REAL
16747	CA: wwhatevver youre doin its not real its somethin else outright entirely
16748	CA: its fancy and impressivve and all but its not the fuckin figmental storybook claptrap you wwanna make out like it is
16749	CA: so howw about you get off your high skyhorse
16750	TT: Why do you keep addressing me as if I'm some sort of spokesperson for the reality of magic?
16751	TT: You can't needle me into a defensive posture on the subject. I just don't care.
16752	CA: youre not usin magic just DEAL WW IT
16753	TT: Fine. You win.
16754	TT: These are science wands. I am a charlatan.
16755	CA: ok i didnt say that
16756	CA: i think you wwear the role pretty wwell wwhich is somethin i can appreciate
16757	CA: theres a lot of showwmanship thats put in to comin off as a diabolical sort
16758	TT: Thanks for the insinuation that I'm making an effort to project myself as a cartoon villain. What a compliment!
16759	CA: wwell fine you dont havve to behavve vvillainous if youre bent up on actin against the grain a your nobility or somesuch
16760	CA: i can play that role its not like i evver didnt get my gils dirty before
16761	TT: Nobility? What are you talking about?
16762	CA: wwell arent you
16763	TT: No. What gave you that idea?
16764	CA: the wway you
16765	CA: ok
16766	CA: i had a misconclusion about that so my fault
16767	CA: obvviously you got rich blood so maybe when you crash landed you wwerent recognized for it by wwhatevver vvehicle upholds the class structure in human society
16768	TT: That is exactly what happened. You figured it out.
16769	CA: must of been fuckin brutal raisin up a commonblood wwhen you knew you wwere better than evverybody and its probably got you all messed up inside but maybe theres hope for you
16770	CA: see i got a lot a experience bein nobility so ill let you knoww if you got a shot in hell at cuttin it pinkscarf
16771	TT: ...
16772	CA: fakemage pinkscarf howw does that sound
16773	TT: You're a complete idiot.
16774	CA: see this is good i think this could be a good thing
16775	TT: What?
16776	CA: this thing wwe got goin
16777	CA: you obvviously hate me and i think i got it in me to get the dark propensities smolderin
16778	CA: and wwere both obvviously dangerous elites in nature
16779	CA: i think theres somethin there i mean look at howw you evven came into the wworld
16780	TT: And how was that?
16781	CA: killed a fuckin fuck ton of marine life accidental
16782	CA: doin thats all i evver done practically the ocean wwas my killin cauldron
16783	TT: Accidentally?
16784	TT: Or on porpoise?
16785	CA: hahahahaha see youre good wwith fish puns too i got so many a those you havve no idea
16786	CA: i just think theres a fate thing here
16787	CA: i mean i dont mean to strike you as too forwwardsuch but are you seein wwhere im goin wwith this
16788	TT: Oh, right. Alien romance, I forgot.
16789	TT: Pass.
16790	CA: look i understand you dont understand that kind of thing in your culture i get that
16791	CA: but maybe i could teach you to get it
16792	TT: That's really sweet of you to offer.
16793	CA: yeah and in return maybe you could teach me howw to bullshit magic like that
16794	TT: You want to learn magic?
16795	CA: yes teach me your secrets wwitch
16796	TT: Sure. Let's begin.
16797	TT: Consider this your first lesson in showmanship.
16798	caligulasAquarium's [CA'S] computer exploded.
16799	AA: what d0 y0u think y0ure d0ing!
16800	AA: just st0p
16801	AA: st0p st0p st0p st0p st0p st0p
16802	AA: maybe if i say st0p en0ugh s0mething else will happen instead 0f the thing that d0es
16803	TT: Hi.
16804	AA: y0u arent g0ing t0 st0p are y0u
16805	TT: Do you want me to stop using magic too?
16806	AA: n0 i d0nt care ab0ut that
16807	AA: its y0ur quest t0 tear y0ur sessi0n apart
16808	AA: i kn0w its exciting
16809	AA: breaking stuff
16810	AA: and n0t w0rrying ab0ut it
16811	AA: but there are c0nsequences t0 hum0ring y0ur destructive impulses
16812	AA: and c0nsequences t0 f0ll0wing
16813	TT: ?
16814	AA: what they say
16815	TT: Who?
16816	AA: y0u kn0w wh0
16817	TT: You sound frustrated.
16818	TT: Like you know you can't change my mind.
16819	TT: I presume your future footage of me has already verified this?
16820	AA: i d0nt even need t0 watch y0ur future acti0ns t0 kn0w this
16821	AA: the kn0wing is the same as this elusive feeling 0f sickness thats been with me f0r years
16822	AA: pr0bably since bef0re i died c0me t0 think 0f it
16823	AA: it was always a big setup
16824	TT: You died?
16825	TT: Revived via dream self, I take it?
16826	AA: n0
16827	AA: i never had 0ne
16828	AA: s0rt 0f a special case here
16829	TT: Hmm.
16830	AA: i just wish
16831	AA: back when i was behaving recklessly
16832	AA: i had s0me0ne t0 tell me t0 st0p listening
16833	AA: even if i ended up ign0ring their advice
16834	AA: it w0uld have been nice
16835	TT: What did they tell you?
16836	AA: i was assured i w0uld be saving my race
16837	AA: which is maybe still true i d0nt kn0w
16838	AA: but if it is then it will be the punchline t0 the vast j0ke
16839	TT: Is that anything like the ultimate riddle?
16840	AA: y0u really d0nt understand anything yet d0 y0u
16841	AA: and yet y0u bug and fuss and meddle
16842	AA: with things m0re danger0us than y0u can imagine
16843	AA: what d0 y0u want with the s0urce 0f the first guardians
16844	AA: what g00d d0 y0u really think c0uld c0me 0f it
16845	TT: Do you know about it?
16846	TT: The sun?
16847	AA: y0u cant p0ssibly wield its energy 0r put it t0 c0nstructive use
16848	TT: That isn't exactly my plan.
16849	AA: y0u w0nt find it either
16850	AA: its imp0ssible
16851	TT: How do you know that?
16852	TT: Could you please share your information with me?
16853	AA: n0!
16854	AA: y0u still havent gathered that y0ure the pr0blem
16855	AA: im thr0ugh with c0nsci0usly c0ntributing t0 inevitable 0utc0mes
16856	TT: Well,
16857	TT: Aren't you doing that regardless? Right now?
16858	AA: 0bvi0usly
16859	AA: but im just talking
16860	AA: maybe the things i say will indirectly trigger y0ur critical acti0ns
16861	AA: maybe n0t wh0 kn0ws
16862	AA: maybe!!!
16863	AA: maybe if i behave in a manner s0 rand0m
16864	AA: parad0x space w0nt kn0w h0w t0 handle it!
16865	AA: blah BL00P blee BLUH!@#$%^&*()_+
16866	AA: didnt see that 0ne c0ming did y0u pspace??? + ?*rand(413^612)
16867	AA: oh look and now i suddenly refuse to type zeroes in my sentences
16868	AA: isnt that crazy! who thought that was even a possibility
16869	AA: bslick never would have imagined THAT little vestibule of probability was tucked somewhere in his huge glistening blow sack
16870	AA: ribbit ribbit ribbit
16871	AA: WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT
16872	AA: I JUST CONTROLLED THE RIBBITS AND I DID IT DELIBERATELY
16873	TT: O_O
16874	AA: hahaha!
16875	AA: 0h w0w im sure y0u were just being faceti0us with that but y0u have n0 idea h0w funny that is right n0w
16876	AA: y0u had n0 way 0f kn0wing thats a thing i d0 all the time but with zer0es
16877	AA: this is great
16878	AA: i think im 0n t0 s0mething here
16879	AA: maybe if i dig deep en0ugh int0 my circuitry and rer0ute all 0f my reserve p0wer thr0ugh my quantum based rand0m number generat0r i can pr0duce behavi0r s0 c0mpletely 0ff the wall that parad0x space will have n0 ch0ice but t0 change everything!
16880	TT: You have circuitry?
16881	AA: maybe i will also rig my p0wer s0urce t0 the 0utc0me 0f the functi0n and rand0mly bl0w myself up!
16882	AA: that w0uld be just
16883	AA: really
16884	AA: really
16885	AA: really*rand(rand(rand(rand(rand(0M)*0M)*0M)*0M)*0M) where 0M = s0me number drawn quite at rand0m fr0m 0ne 0f y0ur absurd human hats
16886	AA: !~M~0~D~N~A~R
16887	AA: g00dbye r0se
16888	AA: enj0y y0ur rampant indiscreti0ns
16889	AA: talk t0 y0u later assuming i havent rand0mly bl0wn myself up!
16890	TT: Wait, don't go!
16891	TT: You were actually interesting.
16892	You fail to randomly explode.
16893	Of course you were just venting about all that. Why would you blow yourself up on account of that silly conversation? What rational reason could you possibly have to blow yourself up, or explode from any cause for that matter, now or at any point in the near future?
16894	It just makes no sense.
16895	AC: :33 < pst :oo
16896	TT: Yes?
16897	AC: :33 < heyyyyyyyyyy
16898	TT: Why, what ever could you want?
16899	AC: :33 < ummmmmmmmmm
16900	TT: What could it be? I am completely confounded.
16901	AC: :33 < sorry to bother you again!
16902	AC: :33 < is
16903	AC: :33 < um
16904	TT: Is what?
16905	AC: :33 < he available?
16906	TT: Who?
16907	TT: What is the name of this mystery fellow you seek?
16908	AC: :33 < aaaaa youre just teasing me now!
16909	AC: :33 < i f33l bad about bugging you about it
16910	AC: :33 < but do you think you could purrhaps please spare your computer for just the most fl33ting of moments?
16911	AC: :33 < i miss pounce a lot :((
16912	AC: :33 < and talking to him reminds me of her
16913	AC: :33 < sorry for the hassle
16914	TT: It's ok. I understand.
16915	TT: I think I have a more permanent solution.
16916	TT: I mean purrmanent.
16917	AC: :33 < yay! :OO
16918	You won't need it anymore. It served you well. You suppose there are a lot of things you've outgrown, now that you think about it.
16919	ROSE: Hi Jaspers.
16920	JASPERSPRITE: Hi rose!
16921	JASPERSPRITE: Purr purr purr.
16922	ROSE: Jaspers, I am releasing you now.
16923	ROSE: You are free to go do as you please.
16924	JASPERSPRITE: Really rose ok if thats what you want i will go do that.
16925	JASPERSPRITE: Oh rose!
16926	JASPERSPRITE: Rose did you get to do any of the things that are important to your quest that i said?
16927	JASPERSPRITE: Did you learn to play the rain rose?
16928	ROSE: Not yet, Jaspers.
16929	ROSE: It's a little complicated, but I believe I've embarked on another quest, one which surpasses the scope of the objectives local to this planet.
16930	JASPERSPRITE: Meow what :3
16931	ROSE: I'm saying there's something more important to accomplish now. Something more important than creating a universe.
16932	JASPERSPRITE: Oh thats ok rose i wouldnt want you to feel obligated to do that.
16933	JASPERSPRITE: I think that winning this game and getting the prize is up to you and your friends.
16934	JASPERSPRITE: You get to decide whether or not you feel its right to do that and what kind of prize you want to make!
16935	JASPERSPRITE: Its part of becoming who youre supposed to become i think.
16936	JASPERSPRITE: But i really think you should consider going on the quest i said anyway!
16937	ROSE: Why?
16938	JASPERSPRITE: Because its not just an important thing to do to win the game.
16939	JASPERSPRITE: I dont know i hope im not being too pushy rose its not my place to be im just your cat!
16940	JASPERSPRITE: But the thing that made me how i am now seems to really want me to say this to you.
16941	JASPERSPRITE: Your quest is really important for you to do.
16942	JASPERSPRITE: Not really because thats how to get the prize.
16943	JASPERSPRITE: But because its what you need to do for yourself!
16944	ROSE: I see. I promise I will consider it seriously then.
16945	JASPERSPRITE: Oh good!
16946	JASPERSPRITE: I love you rose! I always have even when you were a little girl and i was an alive cat.
16947	ROSE: Thanks, Jaspers, that's nice to hear.
16948	ROSE: It's hard to remember, but I'm pretty sure I felt the same way back then.
16949	JASPERSPRITE: It was fun getting to be your cat again rose even if it was just for a little while and also while being a princess ghost.
16950	JASPERSPRITE: Bye rose!
16951	ROSE: See you, Jaspers!
16952	ROSE: If you see my mother in the course of your travels, tell her I said hello.
16953	JASPERSPRITE: Ok I will do that! :3
16954	Chumps as far as the eye can see.
16955	They are lining up for the sick fires. Your gaping furnace is hungry for coal, and they are poised to get goddamn shoveling.
16956	TC: AlRiGhT My pInKeSt oF MoThErFuCkIn sTaR MoNkEyS
16957	TC: ArE YoU ReAdY
16958	TC: To gEt tHe hOrNs yOu dOnT HaVe
16959	TC: CoNfIsCaTeD AlL LiKe tHe mOtHeRfUcKiN HoNkTrAbAnD ThEy aRe
16960	TC: BeInG AlL IlLiCiT As tHe vAsT JoKe iTsElF
16961	TC: AnD ThEn
16962	TC: HaNdEd aT RiGhT BaCk tO YoU?
16963	TG: what
16964	TC: HaHa, SeE BrO, tHiS Is hOw i rOlL
16965	TC: I SuPpLy tHe hOrNs tOwArD YoU, mEtApHoRiCaLlY SpEaKiNg
16966	TC: SeE, lIkE
16967	TC: ThAt's kInD Of a tRoLl mEtApHoR
16968	TC: YoU GeTtInG YoUr hOrNs aLl hAnDeD To yOu, If yOu pEePs aNaToMiCaLlY WeRe sUcH To bE LiKe tHaT
16969	TC: DoInG ThAt's tO MeAn lIkE YoU GoT MoThErFuCkIn sAsSeD OuT
16970	TC: As iN TrOlLeD
16971	TC: BuT BrO WhEn i tElL ThAt nOiSe aT YoU
16972	TC: Im lIkE DoInG
16973	TC: A DoUbLe mEtApHoR AlL ThE WaY
16974	TC: AcRoSs sKaIa :o)
16975	TC: BeCaUsE My hOrNs iM AlL AbOuT ArE ThEsE FuNnY HoNk hOrNs InStEaD oF hEaD hOrNs
16976	TC: LiKe wHaT DoEs cLoWnS UsE
16977	TC: AnD WhEn i'm aLl tO InViTe yOu tO GeT A LiTtLe mOtHeRfUcKiN SqUeEzE On
16978	TC: It'lL Be a dOwNeD In, StRaIgHt fLaT, bOaRd sIdEd mIrAcLe iF YoU DoN'T GeT ScArEd sHiTtEnT ClOwNcArS
16979	TC: ThAt's hOw wE PlAy tHe mOtHeRfUcKiN GaMe
16980	TC: HoNk hOnK >:o)
16981	TG: oh god thats right
16982	TG: you were the best troll
16983	TG: i remember now
16984	TC: WhOa, I WaS?
16985	TG: yeah
16986	TG: i mean
16987	TG: in the most ironic and hilarious ways possible
16988	TG: but that really shouldnt even need to be said
16989	TC: ShIt, I MuSt hAvE GoT To nOt rEmEmBeRiNg tHiS SoMeHoW
16990	TG: it was months ago for me
16991	TG: you did your bizarrely oblivious juggalo thing
16992	TG: then bitched and moaned at me for ruining your religion or some horseshit
16993	TG: like i guess a weird crisis in faith i dunno
16994	TG: and then
16995	TG: you kinda got over that i guess
16996	TG: and we both proceeded to have one of the best rap-offs in the history of paradox space
16997	TG: remember
16998	TC: AwW MoThErFuCk, No :o(
16999	TC: I MoSt sUrElY wOuLd gEt mY ReMeMbEr oN FoR A BiTcHtItS TiMe hAd lIkE ThAt
17000	TC: My mInD'S NoT ThAt sHaRp nOw tHoUgH, iT'S BeEn aGeS SiNcE I HaD A GoOd pIe
17001	TG: could be time shit
17002	TG: you might not have had the conversation yet
17003	TC: DoGg, I DoN'T KnOw tHaT Im aT A PlAcE To eVeN CoNtEmPlAtE FoR EnTeRtAiNiNg tHaT KiNd oF ThInG
17004	TC: I DoN'T GeT TiMe
17005	TC: I WaSn't tHe dUdE Of tImE
17006	TC: I WaS ThE
17007	TC: ThE MoThErFuCkIn
17008	TC: BaRd oF
17009	TC: FuCk
17010	TC: I FoRgOt :o(
17011	TG: do you remember if you watched any videos
17012	TG: from earth
17013	TG: that i might have sent
17014	TC: nO
17015	TG: dude i was telling you
17016	TG: youve got to check this out
17017	TG: trust me itll lift your spirits shit will all make sense to you finally
17018	TG: youll finally figure out who you are and why you worship all this ridiculous clown bullshit
17019	TC: Oh, MaN
17020	TC: ThIs sOuNdS AmAzInG, i cAn't sEe hOw i wOuLdN'T Be aLl kIcKiNg tHe wIcKeD ShIt oUt Of sUcH KiNdS Of oPpOrTuNiTiEs
17021	TG: and also why your planet has faygo for some baffling reason
17022	TG: actually no nevermind it doesnt explain that
17023	TG: that still makes no damn sense
17024	TG: but like
17025	TG: the thing youre looking for
17026	TG: your dark clownish salvation or whatever the fuck
17027	TG: your mirthful messiahs
17028	TG: ahahahaha i cant even type that without lmao
17029	TG: anyway theyre here dude
17030	TG: check it out
17031	TG: http://tinyurl.com/MoThErFuCkInMiRaClEs
17032	TC: :oO
17033	This...
17034	Is...
17035	Motherfuckin...
17036	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/BlAsPhEmY.gif" border="0" />
17037	This is completely pointless.
17038	CT: D --> I'm attempting to determine what it is that ranks humans in their class stru%ure
17039	CT: D --> I'd assumed the color of your b100d would serve as the basis for placement in the hierarchy, as would be e%pected and natural, but I was mistaken
17040	CT: D --> I was similarly in error believing the color of what you type corresponds with the color of your b100d
17041	TG: it does bro
17042	TG: my bloods red
17043	CT: D --> Well, obviously
17044	CT: D --> I understand that now, I'm not a f001
17045	TG: on earth class is sorted out by who can drop the most delirious flow
17046	CT: D --> I see
17047	CT: D --> So, in other words, a sort of b100d letting ritual
17048	CT: D --> To assess whose pulse is steadiest and thus whose flow is the most STRONG
17049	TG: no
17050	TG: well yeah
17051	TG: verbal pulse
17052	TG: rap battles
17053	TG: the kings of wordtech ascend to godhood and look down on us patriarchally like urban watermarks in the sky
17054	TG: this is like
17055	TG: our religion man
17056	TG: its fucking serious business its like what our whole culture revolves around
17057	CT: D --> Really
17058	CT: D --> So your social e%elons are dictated by the noble artform of the ancient slam poets
17059	CT: D --> Or the Earth equivalent
17060	TG: yeah well
17061	TG: used to be dictated
17062	TG: til the rapocalypse happened
17063	TG: i still believe though
17064	TG: in my heart so long as it keeps thumping the righteous beat
17065	TG: subwoofing out devotion every which way
17066	TG: that he will come
17067	TG: our savior
17068	TG: was foretold hed come after meteors show up to drop it like its hot
17069	TG: and hed gather up the ashes of our civilization and lift it like its heavy
17070	TG: fuck im tearing up my ishades are gonna fry
17071	CT: D --> I believe
17072	CT: D --> That this is probably nonsense
17073	CT: D --> I've already been hornswoggled repeatedly by your comrades, who I quite reasonably mistook for your superiors in b100dline
17074	CT: D --> Your race makes a habit of deception, and I will not tolerate it
17075	CT: D --> You will stop
17076	CT: D --> I command that all verbal misdire%ion and hoofbeastplay will cease during my communications, is that understood
17077	TG: hahahahaha
17078	TG: douche
17079	CT: D --> Did I say something entertaining
17080	TG: if youre gonna spit that kind of bravado at me im just saying put it in rhyme
17081	TG: lets hear what you got tooly mcsnoothole
17082	CT: D --> I try to stay engaged with many aristocratic practices
17083	CT: D --> But I'm not much of a poet
17084	TG: come on
17085	CT: D --> My poems are private
17086	TG: whatever dude
17087	TG: deprivatize them
17088	CT: D --> If you're prepared to be particularly forceful about it
17089	CT: D --> I may be suitably disgusted to comply
17090	TG: just
17091	TG: take whatevers in there
17092	TG: that brorage lust youre feelin
17093	TG: turn that bitch inside out like a broke ass millionaires pockets
17094	CT: D --> Yes
17095	CT: D --> Those are the sorts of assertive statements which could get me
17096	CT: D --> Flowing
17097	TG: alright
17098	TG: weird but alright
17099	TG: you sound wound up
17100	TG: but my gears are airtight
17101	TG: steer clear a the seer and the knight if youre scared of unfair fights
17102	TG: youll drop like the staircase impaired, seein em spareds a fair fuckin rare sight
17103	TG: for poor eyes like that millionaire whos pockets i mocked earlier
17104	TG: hes paradoxically me but richer and surlier
17105	TG: broke as his sword before his stock picks skyrocketed
17106	TG: worth more than all the chests lockpicked and gold croc bricks and boonbucks i pickpocketed
17107	TG: fillin folios with millions im milkin to pad out my pockets
17108	TG: more chock full than sad trollian villains cloggin my blocklist
17109	TG: so thoughtful to popul-
17110	TG: -ate my slate with propositions to copulate to a spate of hemoerotic hotpix
17111	TG: which i posit you got shit of that nature in spades
17112	TG: as my shades got you locked in
17113	TG: spyin a guy whos eyed more cocks and dicks than i got clocks and they got ticks
17114	CT: D --> Just a thought. Let's mock a topic with less awfulness
17115	CT: D --> If you'd use the e%cuse to be less culturally myopic, what are your views on abuse to the walking apocrypha
17116	CT: D --> Would you choose if duly cued to put your bruising clop to a flock of naughty roboti%
17117	TG: ahaha wow YES
17118	TG: dont really understand that but yes
17119	TG: ok hold that thought im gonna pull this fuckin sword out of the thing
17120	CT: D --> Perhaps it's that it's martial tacti% that matter for status. Unless you redact this
17121	CT: D --> I'd hazard in practice that it's a glass of what's lactic that would impact this
17122	CT: D --> Pragmatic to presume? A human metric for grandness stands on fondness in honest
17123	CT: D --> For wanton aplomb with strapping song smithing, ripping sonnets of STRONGNESS
17124	TG: yes
17125	TG: still no clue what this shit means but keep going
17126	CT: D --> But perhaps
17127	CT: D --> To divine class divides in unclassified swine is butchering time
17128	CT: D --> Your fauna I find requires too little strength to savage in rhyme
17129	CT: D --> I fear inferiors have monopolized my highest priorities
17130	CT: D --> Let's eschew crude inferiors, pursue nude superiorities
17131	CT: D --> Review z001ogical peculiarities, great stalking enormities
17132	CT: D --> Fle%ing in unison, baying at moons within fraternal sororities
17133	TG: holy shit
17134	TG: what
17135	CT: D --> Great musclebeasts tussle, bu%om in heft
17136	CT: D --> With thunderous muscle, buttock to spec
17137	TG: what the fuck
17138	CT: D --> Connect blows to discover, how invincible pecs are
17139	CT: D --> Venture low to uncover, his inimitable nectar
17140	TG: oh god
17141	TG: ok stop
17142	CT: D --> Should song serve to placate one
17143	CT: D --> And fortune holds he lactate some
17144	CT: D --> STRONG hands tugging teat make great ambrosia collectors
17145	TG: hahaha
17146	TG: jesus
17147	TG: ok maybe youre actually the worst troll
17148	TG: im thinking none of that was actually ironic that was all pretty straightup wasnt it
17149	CT: D --> What do you mean
17150	CT: D --> Are you ordering me to conceal my poems again
17151	TG: nevermind
17152	TG: god dammit
17153	TG: fuckin piece of shit sword
17154	TG: wont goddamn budge probably useless anyway
17155	CT: D --> It 100ks to be a legendary weapon
17156	TG: its a legendary piece of shit
17157	CT: D --> Giving up on the treasure so easily
17158	CT: D --> It strikes me as an artifact rooted in universal lore of nobility
17159	CT: D --> As valuable an asset as strength is
17160	CT: D --> And as much as anyone with his wits is fond of being STRONG
17161	CT: D --> Such weapons require finesse to operate
17162	CT: D --> And surely in this case, to retrieve without damaging
17163	CT: D --> Hence your no doubt frustrating restraint
17164	TG: ok im kinda starting to wonder why youre bugging me now
17165	TG: youre a fuckin creepy dude
17166	CT: D --> E%cessive force will shatter such weapons
17167	CT: D --> We both know this from e%perience
17168	TG: what
17169	CT: D --> The adult human who trained you
17170	CT: D --> And taught you the ways of being STRONG
17171	CT: D --> Remember
17172	TG: you mean the guy who spent years beating my ass down with a puppet
17173	TG: yeah i remember
17174	CT: D --> Yes, and now, being learned in the ways of STRONGNESS
17175	CT: D --> You like myself are unfortunately limited in the weaponry you may wield
17176	CT: D --> Ironically the training which has ennobled you beyond others has made instruments of high b100d brittle in your hands
17177	CT: D --> Hence the state of your favored weapon, hobbling your specibus
17178	CT: D --> I know what this is like
17179	TG: man
17180	TG: im not that strong ok
17181	TG: just cause i broke a cheap ass sword doesnt make me the fucking hulk
17182	CT: D --> Oh
17183	TG: what did you go around breaking a bunch of swords too
17184	CT: D --> No
17185	CT: D --> Bows
17186	TG: how the fuck do you even wield a broken bow
17187	TG: did you go around clubbing shit with the two halves
17188	CT: D --> Yes
17189	CT: D --> Sometimes
17190	CT: D --> What are you doing
17191	TG: whats it look like
17192	CT: D --> Careful
17193	CT: D --> About succumbing to these sorts of destructive
17194	CT: D --> Urges
17195	CT: D --> Addi%ion is a powerful thing
17196	TG: so am i
17197	TG: bow down before your new king bitch
17198	CT: D --> I think
17199	CT: D --> I need
17200	CT: D --> Something to dry myself off with
17201	GC: D4V3 GR34T N3WS!
17202	GC: 1 FOUND 4 DR4W1NG T4BL3T
17203	GC: DO YOU KNOW WH4T TH4T M34NS D4V3?
17204	GC: DO YOU KNOW WH4T 1T M34NS W3 C4N G3T?
17205	TG: please dont say this party started please dont say this party started
17206	GC: TH1S
17207	GC: P4RTY
17208	GC: ST4RT3D!!!!! >8D
17209	TG: god everything is about parties with you
17210	GC: D4V3 TH3R3 1S NOTH1NG 3V3N CLOS3 TO B31NG B3TT3R TH4N P4RT13S, COM3 ON
17211	TG: ok
17212	TG: lets see some fine art then
17213	GC: WHY 1T JUST SO H4PP3NS TH4T 1 H4V3 4 FR3SH M4ST3RP13C3 FOR YOU
17214	GC: HOT OFF TH3 C4NV4S
17215	GC: 4ND ON TO YOUR COMPUT3R GL4SS3S
17216	GC: WH3R3 1T W1LL S1ZZL3 YOUR 3Y3B4LLS
17217	GC: TSSSSSSSSSSSSSS http://tinyurl.com/D4V3XD4V3
17218	TG: ok that
17219	TG: is every bit as shitty as all your other drawings
17220	GC: SHUT UP!
17221	GC: 1 4M ST1LL SORT OF G3TT1NG TH3 H4NG OF TH1S TH1NG
17222	GC: 1 W1LL G3T B3TT3R >:P
17223	TG: i like it though you dont gotta improve
17224	TG: art skills are overrated
17225	GC: TH4NKS D4V3
17226	TG: its kind of weird though what the hell is actually going on here
17227	TG: does this mean something
17228	GC: Y3S
17229	GC: 1T 1S TH3 COM1C R3PR3S3NT4T1ON OF TH3 N3XT L3G OF YOUR WOND3RFUL JOURN3Y
17230	GC: YOU KNOW, TH3 ON3 TH4T 1 4M H3LP1NG YOU W1TH 3V3RY ST3P OF TH3 W4Y >:]
17231	TG: yeah
17232	TG: but
17233	TG: why
17234	GC: 1 4LR34DY 3XPL41N3D TH1S TO YOU D4V3
17235	GC: TH3 COOLK1D H4S TO B3 TH3 B3ST, 4ND 1 H4V3 TO M4K3 H1M TH3 B3ST
17236	TG: alright but
17237	TG: i mean even if that made sense which it kind of doesnt
17238	TG: karkat was saying how it was all a game and youre just flirtin and stuff
17239	TG: and that we should quit it because he doesnt want you in my grill or me in yours or whatever
17240	GC: OH, 1S TH4T WH4T H3 S41D???
17241	GC: HMM 1 WOND3R 1F H3 COULD R33K OF J34LOUSY 4NY MOR3 PUNG3NTLY
17242	TG: well yeah thats what i thought too
17243	TG: and really if we got no other reason keep rolling with it at least theres that one
17244	TG: to piss him off
17245	GC: W3LL WH4T DO YOU TH1NK D4V3
17246	GC: 4M 1 1N YOUR HUM4N GR1LL?
17247	TG: im not saying i know for sure but it seems to me like
17248	TG: my grill is your goddamn prison
17249	TG: you are practically incarcerated in that fucker
17250	TG: doing hard time on a bed of charcoal and lighterfluid
17251	TG: privy to what i flame broil from below
17252	TG: what im sayin is you got a front row seat to the brown side of my burger
17253	TG: hows it smell btw
17254	GC: 1T SM3LLS L1K3 D3L1C1OUS BURN1NG 4N1M4LS
17255	TG: yeah i thought so
17256	TG: so is that whats going on
17257	GC: WH4T?
17258	TG: is this some weird game involving flirtation and assassinations or whatever
17259	GC: OH, 1 DONT KNOW
17260	GC: M444444YB3...
17261	GC: SH33SH!
17262	GC: YOU 4ND H1M 4R3 4L1K3 1N SOM3 W4YS
17263	GC: R34LLY BLUNT 4ND L1T3R4L M1ND3D
17264	GC: 4ND QU1T3 FR4NKLY JUST 4 L1TTL3 B1T T4CTL3SS WH3N 1T COM3S TO M4N4G1NG TH3 L4D13S!
17265	GC: H3 4LW4YS H4D TO KNOW 3X4CTLY WH4T TH3 D34L W4S 4ND 3X4CTLY WH4T MY MOT1V4T1ONS W3R3 4ND WH4T 3V3RYTH1NG M34NT 4ND BLUH BLUH BLUH
17266	GC: 1T T4K3S TH3 FUN OUT OF 3V3RYTH1NG!
17267	TG: thats pretty much the most insulting thing possible to say im anything like that raving gulf of shit
17268	GC: W3LL OK 1M SORT OF 3X4GG3R4T1NG
17269	GC: BUT R34LLY
17270	GC: SOM3 S1M1L4R1T13S 4R3 TH3R3
17271	GC: 1TS JUST YOUR 1SSU3S 4R3
17272	GC: COOL3R >:]
17273	GC: L3SS R1D1CULOUS 4ND TR4G1C
17274	TG: issues
17275	TG: what are you talking about
17276	GC: W3LL, FOR 1NST4NC3
17277	GC: K4RK4T W4S 4LW4YS TORM3NT3D BY H1S P4ST 4ND FUTUR3 S3LV3S
17278	GC: 4ND TH31R M1ST4K3S
17279	GC: L1T3R4LLY TORM3NT3D BY TH3M 1N TH3S3 4BSURD SCH1ZOPHR3N1C M3MOS
17280	GC: 1T W4S 1D34L FU3L FOR H1S S3LF LO4TH1NG
17281	GC: H3 B3C4M3 OBS3SS3D W1TH H1MS3LF 4S 4N 3LUS1V3 4DV3RS4RY
17282	GC: R4TH3R TH4N JUST B31NG H1MS3LF 1N TH3 MOM3NT 4ND R34L1Z1NG WHO H3 W4S SUPPOS3D TO B3
17283	GC: 4ND W4K1NG UP >:[
17284	TG: wow ok what does that have to do with me
17285	GC: NOTH1NG 1N 4 L1T3R4L S3NS3
17286	GC: BUT 1 H4V3 OBS3RV3D YOU D4V3
17287	GC: YOU 4R3 4LW4YS G3TT1NG B41L3D OUT OF J4MS
17288	GC: 4T F1RST BY YOUR BRO
17289	GC: 4ND TH3N BY YOUR OWN FUTUR3 S3LV3S!
17290	GC: 3V3N FUTUR3 D4V3SPR1T3 G3TS 1N ON TH3 4CT OF SHOW1NG UP POOR OLD PR3S3NT D4V3
17291	GC: WH3N DO3S PR3S3NT D4V3 G3T TO ST3P OUT OF TH3 SH4DOW OF 4LL THOS3 FUTUR3 D4V3S??
17292	GC: WH3N DO3S H3 G3T TO B3 TH3 H3RO, TH4T'S WH4T 1 W4NT TO KNOW >:D
17293	TG: i dunno i guess maybe when i become future me
17294	GC: H4H4H4H4H4H4
17295	GC: TH4T 1S 3X4CTLY WH4T K4RK4T US3D TO S4Y
17296	GC: 1T W4S 4LW4YS TH3 4NSW3R
17297	TG: fuck who cares
17298	TG: like i even give a shit about being a hero whatever that even means
17299	TG: im not seeing the problem here future me is awesome he can bail me out if he wants
17300	GC: Y3S, 3X4CTLY!
17301	GC: B3C4US3 YOU 4R3 COOL 4BOUT YOUR PROBL3M
17302	GC: 1NST34D OF 4CT1NG L1K3 4 S1LLY L1TTL3 PUP4
17303	GC: BUT DONT WORRY, ON3 D4Y YOU W1LL G3T TO T4K3 YOUR TURN 4S H3RO!
17304	GC: 4ND ON3 D4Y
17305	GC: YOU W1LL T4K3 OFF THOS3 DUMB GL4SS3S 4ND L3T M3 G3T 4NOTH3R SN1FF 4T YOUR 3Y3S
17306	TG: not gonna happen
17307	GC: COM3 ON!
17308	GC: 1 ONLY GOT ON3 L1TTL3 WH1FF 4T TH3M
17309	GC: WH3N YOU W3R3 4 T1NY P1NK W1GGL3R W1TH 4RMS 4ND L3GS S1TT1NG 1N 4 CR4T3R ON TH4T S4D HORS3 YOU 4T3
17310	GC: TH3Y W3R3 PR3TTY!
17311	GC: 1T 1S SO S3LF1SH OF YOU TO K33P TH3M COV3R3D UP
17312	GC: 4ND TH3 L4M3 S3CR3CY SURROUND1NG 1T 1S ONC3 4G41N R3M1ND1NG M3 OF 4 C3RT41N YOU KNOW WHO >:|
17313	TG: hey look at this change of subject going down
17314	TG: about this comic
17315	TG: are you saying im about to fall asleep
17316	GC: Y3S
17317	TG: why
17318	GC: 1 DO NOT KNOW
17319	GC: M4YB3 YOU 4R3 R34LLY T1R3D!
17320	GC: YOU DROP SUDD3NLY 4ND SW1FTLY, L1K3 4N 3X3CUT3D F3LON F4C1NG N4PPY JUST1C3
17321	TG: i dont feel tired
17322	TG: could be rose waking me up again
17323	TG: bonkin me with yarn or some shit
17324	GC: OH?
17325	TG: can you see in my dreams
17326	GC: NO >:[
17327	TG: too bad
17328	TG: last time i promised rose id take off my shades and look in the sky for some reason
17329	TG: youre gonna miss a hell of a show
17330	GC: BLUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHH >XO
17331	GC: MOST 4WFUL COOLK1D!!!!!
17332	TG: so i guess i have to summon davesprite too
17333	GC: Y3S
17334	TG: whys that
17335	GC: WHY DO YOU TH1NK!
17336	GC: TO B41L YOUR STUBBORN SP3CT4CL3D BUTT OUT OF TROUBL3 4G41N
17337	TG: huh
17338	TG: ok
17339	GC: WH3N YOU 4R3 4SL33P, SOON 4 HORD3 OF V3RY POW3RFUL MONST3RS W1LL 3M3RG3 FROM TH3 RU1NS
17340	GC: TO D3F3ND TH3 TR34SUR3 YOU H4V3 STOL3N
17341	GC: OR D1D YOU TH1NK YOU W3R3 GO1NG TO W4LTZ OUT OF H3R3 W1TH TH4T COOL L3G3ND4RY SWORD 4ND F4C3 NO CONS3QU3NC3S?
17342	TG: yeah kinda
17343	TG: didnt think this useless horseshit was boss grade loot to be honest
17344	GC: W3LL 1T 1S!
17345	GC: NOW R3L34S3 M1ST3R OR4NG3 CR34MS1CL3S, ST4T
17346	GC: 4ND H4V3 DR34MS 4S SW33T 4S H3 T4ST3S >:]
17347	TG: ok see ya
17348	DAVE: sup
17349	DAVESPRITE: hey
17350	DAVESPRITE: oh looks like you got caledfwlch
17351	DAVESPRITE: you found that pretty fast
17352	DAVE: is that how you pronounce that
17353	DAVESPRITE: yeah i guess so
17354	DAVESPRITE: i think its welsh
17355	DAVE: what are welsh things doing in this game
17356	DAVESPRITE: thats an awesome question
17357	DAVE: fuck yeah it is
17358	DAVE: is this thing as pointless as i think it is or do i need it for something
17359	DAVESPRITE: tactically yeah its a downgrade since its what i used to make caledscratch which is obviously way better
17360	DAVE: yeah thats what i figured
17361	DAVESPRITE: caledscratch cycles the sword through its own timeline to points when its broken or nonbroken or old and rusted or recently forged etc
17362	DAVESPRITE: and your snoop snowcone swords probably even better than that so yeah you got options
17363	DAVE: fuck it ill just power through the rest of the game with the SORD.....
17364	DAVESPRITE: hahahaha
17365	DAVESPRITE: with unreal air as a mount fit for a true artifact knight
17366	DAVE: yeah
17367	DAVE: goddamn jpeg hero
17368	DAVE: right here
17369	DAVESPRITE: did that shit ever land or what
17370	DAVE: dude its long gone
17371	DAVE: up in skaia now or something
17372	DAVE: thrashing ill grinds on clouds
17373	DAVESPRITE: fuck
17374	DAVESPRITE: top priority make more
17375	DAVESPRITE: thats an order from your celestial fuckin spirit guide
17376	DAVE: yeah you got it
17377	DAVE: so why wasnt this legendary pos in the sylladex you gave me
17378	DAVE: did you chuck it after you alchemized it
17379	DAVE: should i just chuck it too
17380	DAVESPRITE: it was stolen
17381	DAVESPRITE: by one of hephaestus's minions
17382	DAVE: hes the denizen right
17383	DAVESPRITE: yeah lord of the forge
17384	DAVE: isnt that like a greek god
17385	DAVE: or roman or whatever
17386	DAVE: what is greco roman shit doing in here you know what never mind
17387	DAVESPRITE: yeah pretty much
17388	DAVESPRITE: anyway he gets pissed off you broke it
17389	DAVESPRITE: and he wants it back
17390	DAVESPRITE: to do something important with it though not really sure what
17391	DAVESPRITE: hes a pretty ornery dude
17392	DAVESPRITE: kept raving about how he was waiting for the forge to come
17393	DAVESPRITE: which he needs to complete his work
17394	DAVESPRITE: but in my timeline the forge would never come
17395	DAVESPRITE: so he was extra pissed off
17396	DAVE: whats the forge
17397	DAVESPRITE: volcano
17398	DAVE: huh
17399	DAVE: you mean jades volcano
17400	DAVESPRITE: yup
17401	DAVE: so do you know this stuff cause youre from the future or cause youre a sprite
17402	DAVESPRITE: both
17403	DAVESPRITE: theres all sorts of stuff i suddenly knew about the game when i became this orange feathery asshole
17404	DAVE: so now youre like
17405	DAVE: a wise feathery asshole
17406	DAVESPRITE: i am fuckin filthy with wisdom its sick
17407	DAVESPRITE: i mostly know stuff about your personal quest
17408	DAVESPRITE: what used to be my quest but i guess i got to deal with not being alpha dave no more
17409	DAVE: yeah i guess
17410	DAVESPRITE: shrug
17411	DAVESPRITE: its all good
17412	DAVESPRITE: anyway that sword
17413	DAVESPRITE: its important to getting your shit figured out
17414	DAVESPRITE: you were supposed to break it to get it out of the thing
17415	DAVESPRITE: like another personal sort of mythological milestone you were supposed to clear
17416	DAVE: really
17417	DAVE: there was no other way to get it out
17418	DAVE: thats kind of retarded
17419	DAVESPRITE: well i dont know
17420	DAVESPRITE: maybe if john was to try with his pure heart and shit it woulda popped out like a champagne cork and fuckin hero confetti woulda blasted him in the face
17421	DAVESPRITE: but you
17422	DAVESPRITE: we
17423	DAVESPRITE: we had to break it
17424	DAVE: ok
17425	DAVESPRITE: theres a lot more i know about your quest
17426	DAVESPRITE: all tangled up in ridiculous riddles and bullshit enigmas
17427	DAVESPRITE: and maybe its all a moot point anyway in this timeline who knows
17428	DAVESPRITE: but i think ill spare you all that crap
17429	DAVESPRITE: cause its kind of boring
17430	DAVESPRITE: and youll find out anyway
17431	DAVE: yeah
17432	DAVE: that sounds about like something id do if i were you
17433	DAVE: which i am
17434	DAVE: so hey
17435	DAVE: apparently im about to fall asleep
17436	DAVESPRITE: oh yeah why
17437	DAVESPRITE: rose beckoning you again
17438	DAVE: yeah probably
17439	DAVE: anyway monsters will show up soon and try to eat my sleeping corpse
17440	DAVESPRITE: yeah they werent too happy with my reckless indiana jones bullshit either
17441	DAVE: yeah
17442	DAVE: so thats where you come in
17443	DAVESPRITE: i got your back dude dont worry
17444	DAVE: ok
17445	DAVE: guess ill make myself comfortable here
17446	DAVESPRITE: when you wake up
17447	DAVESPRITE: ill probably get going
17448	DAVE: what do you mean
17449	DAVESPRITE: ill just sort of
17450	DAVESPRITE: release myself
17451	DAVESPRITE: go do my own thing
17452	DAVESPRITE: after this i dont think youll need me
17453	DAVESPRITE: seems like youve got the stable time loop thing figured out already
17454	DAVESPRITE: which means youll be alright
17455	DAVESPRITE: future yous will get you out of trouble
17456	DAVESPRITE: if youre gonna live up to the responsibility of eventually becoming them
17457	DAVESPRITE: and by virtue of loop stability it sort of means you cant technically fuck up anymore
17458	DAVESPRITE: but dont let that idea go to your head itll mess you up
17459	DAVE: where will you go
17460	DAVESPRITE: dunno
17461	DAVESPRITE: fly around
17462	DAVESPRITE: up away to the sun like a fucknig piece of gargbage
17463	DAVESPRITE: see if i can catch up with bro maybe
17464	DAVESPRITE: elusive bastard
17465	DAVE: oh yeah
17466	DAVE: where do you think he is
17467	DAVE: what happened to him in your timeline
17468	DAVESPRITE: who knows
17469	DAVESPRITE: i completely lost track of him
17470	DAVESPRITE: in that timeline and this one
17471	DAVESPRITE: the dude is fucking inscrutable we both know that
17472	DAVE: yeah
17473	DAVE: ok good luck with that
17474	DAVESPRITE: thanks man
17475	N8p time.
17476	DAVESPRITE: caw caw motherfuckers
17477	You suddenly understand jack shit.
17478	Where are you? What just happened?
17479	Oh great, now someone's bothering you. Boy are you not in the mood for getting trolled now.
17480	CC: Glub glub. 38)
17481	GG: what!!!!!
17482	CC: S-E-E??
17483	GG: see what!
17484	GG: go away
17485	CC: I told you!
17486	CC: T)(ere is not)(ing to worry about at all.
17487	GG: bluhhh what are you talking about....
17488	GG: my head hurts
17489	GG: just stop it, stop trolling me
17490	GG: i hate you all!!!!!!!!!!!!!
17491	CC: )(oly mackerel, looks like SOM-EON-E woke up on t)(e wrong side of t)(e absurd )(uman bed!
17492	CC: C)(ill out, Jade. I am just following up on w)(at I told you earlier.
17493	GG: about what!
17494	GG: i dont remember talking to you at all
17495	CC: About your dream! Your post-dreamdeat)( dreamself's dream.
17496	CC: Errr. W)(ic)( is a term I just made up now. 38|
17497	GG: my dream was horrible!!!
17498	GG: i dont know what that was, i have never dreamed anything like it
17499	CC: Yes, I imagine not! You )(ave spent your w)(ole life dreaming about prospit, no?
17500	GG: oh god....
17501	GG: prospit :(
17502	GG: is it really gone?
17503	CC: Yes, Jade. It is time to face t)(e facts!
17504	CC: Our moons are gone too. If we wis)( to sleep now, our dreams must take place in t)(e bubbles glubbed by t)(e gods w)(o live in t)(e Furt)(est Ring.
17505	CC: It is t)(e infinite space w)(ic)( divides all sessions, completely unnavigable and unfat)(omable, untouc)(ed by t)(e time or space of any universe in existence.
17506	CC: Its lords are our slumberbuddies now. 38)
17507	GG: uuuuuuuuugh D:
17508	CC: Don't be ridiculous. T)(ey are not as dreadful as t)(ey look.
17509	CC: In fact, t)(ey are quite )(elpful if you know )(ow to talk to t)(em!
17510	CC: Don't you remember our dream? I was trying to s)(ow you t)(at t)(ere is not)(ing to fear.
17511	CC: But t)(en... you kind of freaked out! )(umans are so M-ELODRAMATIC.
17512	GG: oh......
17513	GG: that was you?
17514	CC: )(ELL YEA)(! 38D
17515	GG: argh
17516	GG: sorry but
17517	GG: could you please
17518	GG: not use all those stupid parentheses??????
17519	GG: i can hardly read what you type and its giving me a migraine
17520	CC: GLUUUUB oh fine.
17521	CC: I will suspend my neato quirk just for you.
17522	CC: I hereby renounce the royal mark of sea dweller supremacy in the interest of INT-ERSP-ECI-ES DIPLOMACY.
17523	GG: what about the -E thing, can you stop that too? it is also annoying and stupid
17524	CC: JEGUS JADE.
17525	CC: Look! It is like a cool trident I throw sometimes.
17526	CC: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/psifef.gif" border="0" />oooooo ---------------E
17527	CC: How is that not awesome!
17528	GG: meh :\
17529	CC: Okay, you win. I have officially humbled myself before you. Entirely glubbing peasant-IFICATED for your pleasure.
17530	CC: Shall I clip my fins for you as well, your majesty?
17531	GG: hehehe
17532	GG: ok, sorry for sounding bossy
17533	GG: you seem pretty nice, and you sure do look exotic
17534	GG: i kind of always thought you were all like
17535	GG: a bunch of really obnoxious humans
17536	CC: Well, thank you! On both counts, of being likened to something other than an obnoxious human, as well as on my exotic looks.
17537	CC: For the record, you look pretty awesomely weird too.
17538	CC: I introduced myself before, but since you do not remember, I will do so now. My name is Feferi, and I was going to be the Empress, but now I am not!
17539	GG: hey feferi, i would like to remember......
17540	GG: but everything is so foggy right now
17541	GG: i remember prospit being attacked
17542	GG: and
17543	GG: falling.....
17544	GG: aaaand
17545	GG: i dunno :(
17546	GG: do you know what happened?
17547	CC: Hell if I know!
17548	CC: In your pre-death dream at least. Oh, well you died obviously, so there's that.
17549	GG: fffffff
17550	GG: yeah, i gathered that! XC
17551	CC: All I could see was what happened in your hive.
17552	CC: You were asleep, and then your robot exploded.
17553	CC: And then your lusus saved you! Kind of like mine saved me.
17554	CC: Before she died. 38C
17555	GG: ohhhhhhh!!!!!
17556	GG: i do remember you!
17557	GG: i remember you were talking to me about my lusus, and i had no idea what you were talking about
17558	GG: and still sort of dont :\
17559	GG: but you must mean bec
17560	GG: also it was shortly before your friend sent me a weird message
17561	GG: about how my robot was going to explode, and i should talk to him when it happens
17562	GG: this was months ago
17563	CC: Oh? Who was that?
17564	GG: it was the most awful and angry one
17565	GG: i am so sick of him, i really dont want to talk to that pathetic jerk ever
17566	CC: Ah, Karkat. Of course.
17567	GG: thats his name?
17568	CC: Yes, he's our leader. Why did he want you to talk to him?
17569	GG: hmmmm
17570	GG: thats right, it was about some kind of plan...
17571	GG: which he said me from the future told him about?
17572	GG: i thought it was total nonsense at the time
17573	GG: but
17574	GG: i guess he was telling the truth
17575	GG: so maybe i should talk to him? i dont know
17576	CC: Glubshrug.
17577	CC: He's pretty harmless, really. You get used to his yelling.
17578	CC: I do not even process it as yelling anymore. More like a lot of blubbering.
17579	CC: More blubber spills out of that mouth than a gash in a poached whale.
17580	GG: ewwwww
17581	CC: Gluuuuuub, I just made myself hungry. 380~
17582	GG: ewwwwwwwwwwww!
17583	GG: fish aliens are weird
17584	CC: Hey! We're the aristocracy. We've got a duty to be weird.
17585	CC: Anyway, go talk to your shoutfriend I guess.
17586	GG: ok feferi, it was nice talking to you
17587	CC: And hey, if you want to take another nap sometime, let me know! They will be more than happy to glub us up another bubble.
17588	GG: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
17589	GG: i am never going to sleep again!
17590	GG: never never never never never never
17591	CC: PSH WE'LL SEE ABOUT THAT, MISS HORNLESS MCFINLESS.
17592	CC: Why, if I'm not mistaken, you are looking a little drowsy right now. We may meet again sooner than you think. 38D
17593	GG: yes, im so tired
17594	GG: :(
17595	GG: well, ok
17596	GG: bye
17597	GG: ok, my robot exploded
17598	GG: now what smart guy!
17599	CG: HOLY SHIT, IT'S HARLEY
17600	CG: COMMUNICATING WITH ME OUT OF NOWHERE OF HER OWN VOLITION
17601	CG: HOLD THAT THOUGHT WHILE I GO INFORM MY DISGRACE OF A CLOWN FRIEND ABOUT THIS TRUE REAL LIFE MIRACLE, IT MIGHT LIFT HIS SPIRITS
17602	CG: I HAVE TO SPREAD THE WICKED WORD LIKE I'M MASSAGING SHITTY SPARKLEDUST AROUND MY NETHER REGIONS TO ASSUAGE A VICIOUS RASH
17603	CG: IT'S LIKE I'M SEASONING A FUCKING STEAK HERE.
17604	GG: i knew i would regret this
17605	GG: talking to you is so terrible
17606	GG: its making my headache worse
17607	CG: OH YEAH, BECAUSE TALKING TO YOU HAS JUST BEEN ABSOLUTE EUPHORIA.
17608	CG: DON'T EVEN TALK TO ME ABOUT HEADACHES.
17609	CG: RIGHT NOW THERE'S A LUMBERJACK SPLITTING WOOD ON MY THINK PAN.
17610	CG: HE'S GOT THE FOREARMS OF A CHOLERBEAR, A MOUNTAIN OF LOGS, AND NOTHING BUT FUCKING TIME.
17611	GG: uuuugh shut uuuuup!
17612	GG: will you just tell me what you wanted?
17613	CG: I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
17614	CG: I DIDN'T TELL YOU TO CONTACT ME, NOT THAT I'M NOT TICKLED BY THE SURPRISE.
17615	CG: LET'S CATCH UP. HOW IS EVERYTHING? HOW WAS YOUR DEATHNAP?? I CAN ONLY HOPE IT WAS AS REFRESHING AS MINE.
17616	CG: WHAT'S THAT? HOW AM I? I'M GREAT, FEEL LIKE A MILLION BOONBANKS EVER SINCE MY LITTLE POWER SNOOZE.
17617	CG: STILL PRETTY TIRED THOUGH. YOU LOOK A LITTLE DROWSY YOURSELF. BUT WE WON'T BE GOING BACK TO SLEEP ANY TIME SOON, WILL WE JADE?
17618	CG: NO WAY. A PAIR OF FEISTY GOGETTERS LIKE YOU AND ME, WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR DREAMS OF HORRORTERRORS FONDLING EVERY RECESS OF OUR NAKED PSYCHES, PLEASANT THOUGH THEY ARE.
17619	CG: YOU HAVE A LOT OF IMPORTANT USELESS SCAMPERING AND GIGGLING TO DO. WHEREAS I HAVE A CRUCIAL DATE WITH A PNEUMATIC DRILL, TO BORE A HOLE IN THE CENTER OF MY FOREHEAD, DEEP INTO THE PLUMP ANGUISH BLADDER WHICH STORES MY ALIEN DISMAY FLUID. THAT'S A REAL THING WE HAVE, FYI.
17620	CG: I WILL THEN PERFORM A LITTLE SOFT SHOE NUMBER IN THE PUDDLE OF FLUID THAT ACCUMULATES ON THE FLOOR, WHILE MAKING THE BIGGEST SMILE EVER ATTEMPTED BY SOMEONE NOT CLINICALLY RETARDED.
17621	CG: I WILL DO THIS FOR YOUR AMUSEMENT, JADE. TO SAY THANKS FOR EVERYTHING.
17622	GG: i cant believe i fell for this
17623	GG: it was just a setup to troll me some more
17624	GG: why do you go to such lengths to troll me? i just dont understand it
17625	CG: TRY TO BE CULTURALLY SENSITIVE
17626	CG: TROLLING IS AN ACTIVITY THAT SHARES A NAME WITH MY ENTIRE SPECIES
17627	CG: DO I GET ON YOUR CASE FOR ALL THE TERRIBLE HUMANNING YOU DO?
17628	GG: thats ridiculous, humanning isnt a word
17629	GG: and if it was, it would be a nicer thing to do than trolling!
17630	GG: you know what i mean, stop pretending you dont
17631	CG: TELL ME JADE
17632	CG: WHY ARE YOU SUCH A RACIST?
17633	GG: aaaaaaa that is something a troll would say!
17634	CG: YES, EXACTLY.
17635	CG: I AM A TROLL. IT SEEMS WE ARE ON THE SAME PAGE.
17636	GG: i mean you are being patronizing and disingenuous to get a rise out of me
17637	GG: and that is really really shitty!!!!!!
17638	GG: i am so tired of it, and i am done talking to you forever
17639	GG: bye karkat, it was awful knowing you!
17640	CG: WAIT
17641	CG: OK LOOK
17642	CG: I SERIOUSLY, HONESTLY DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
17643	CG: YOU SAY YOUR ROBOT BLEW UP, AND THAT WAS SOME SORT OF SIGNAL TO MESSAGE ME?
17644	GG: yes
17645	GG: as if my day needed another reason to get worse
17646	CG: YOU PROBABLY DIDN'T CONTACT THE RIGHT ME.
17647	GG: what does that mean!
17648	CG: I MEAN FUTURE ME IS PROBABLY THE ONE TO TALK TO ABOUT THIS.
17649	CG: SINCE IT'S ALL NEWS TO ME.
17650	GG: is this another prank
17651	GG: you are seriously the worst at pranks
17652	CG: I DON'T PLAY PRANKS, THAT'S JUVENILE NONSENSE.
17653	CG: I DO TWO THINGS AND TWO THINGS ONLY, I DEVASTATE SORRY MOTHERFUCKERS, AND GET SHIT DONE AS AN AWESOME LEADER.
17654	CG: IN THIS CASE, I AM ACCOMPLISHING THE LATTER.
17655	CG: HERE, CLICK THIS AND WE WILL SOLVE THE MYSTERY TOGETHER.
17656	CG: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/FRUITYRUMPUSASSHOLEFACTORY.gif" border="0" />
17657	GG: :|
17658	CCG RIGHT NOW opened memo on board FRUITY RUMPUS ASSHOLE FACTORY.
17659	CCG: HEY FUTURE ME, WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THIS EXPLODED JADEBOT BUSINESS?
17660	CCG: MUST BE SOMETHING REALLY MISSION CRITICAL, OR JADE WOULDN'T HAVE BOTHERED GETTING IN TOUCH WITH US, RIGHT?
17661	CCG: SOMETHING IMPERATIVE TO OUR SURVIVAL NO DOUBT?
17662	CCG: HEY DOUCHE BAG, ARE YOU THERE
17663	??? gardenGnostic [?GG] AT ?:?? responded to memo.
17664	?GG: oh jeez, why am i doing this
17665	?GG: this is so stupid!
17666	CCG: PIPE DOWN HARLEY, THIS PRACTICALLY DOESN'T EVEN CONCERN YOU AT THIS POINT
17667	?GG: bluhhh youre so funny!!!!!
17668	CCG: NOTHING TO SAY, FUTURE ME?
17669	CCG: NOT EVEN A FEW PARTING WORDS OF SCORN FOR ME OR THE NARCOLEPTIC IDIOT?
17670	CCG: IT'S BEEN A WHILE SINCE WE'VE SPARRED, HOW I'VE MISSED THE SWEET STING OF YOUR BARBS
17671	?GG: are you enjoying yourself karkat?
17672	CCG: HAHAHA YOU ARE SO DUMB YOU ACTUALLY THINK THIS IS A RUSE.
17673	CCG: YOU'VE COME ALL THIS WAY AND YOU STILL DON'T GET THAT ALL THE SHIT WE'VE BEEN TELLING YOU ABOUT IS REAL.
17674	CCG: WHY THE FUCK WOULD I BE PULLING A STUNT LIKE THIS, WHAT A WASTE OF TIME.
17675	CCG: I REALLY AM TALKING TO FUTURE ME, HE'S JUST BEING AN EVASIVE TOOL.
17676	?GG: well obviously i know some things youve said are true
17677	?GG: its just hard to take everything at face value when youre always so nasty!
17678	CCG: YOU KNOW, IT'S REALLY AMAZING HOW BEHIND THE TIMES YOU ARE.
17679	CCG: IT'S ALMOST AS IF YOU'VE SLEPT THROUGH THIS WHOLE ADVENTURE
17680	CCG: OH WAIT, THAT IS ESSENTIALLY TRUE.
17681	CCG: IT WAS HILARIOUS WATCHING YOU GROW UP.
17682	CCG: YOU THOUGHT YOU HAD ALL THE ANSWERS, FROLICKING ALL OVER YOUR ISLAND BEING INFURIATINGLY CHIPPER, BUILDING ROBO-BUNNIES LIKE A MORON AND ULTIMATELY RUINING EVERYTHING.
17683	CCG: YOU WERE SO SURE YOUR DREAMS TOLD YOU EVERYTHING YOU NEEDED TO KNOW.
17684	CCG: AND NOW LOOK AT YOU
17685	CCG: YOU SUDDENLY UNDERSTAND JACK SHIT.
17686	?GG: ok i understand that you are another group of players and you are in some sort of trouble
17687	?GG: but maybe if you had been nice to me instead of terrorizing me all those years i would have believed you
17688	?GG: and we could have worked together to solve your problems as well as ours
17689	?GG: it just makes me sad to think thats probably impossible now because you are so angry and stubborn!
17690	CCG: DON'T TELL ME WHAT'S IMPOSSIBLE BECAUSE I'M ANGRY AND STUBBORN.
17691	CCG: I FUCKING KNOW WHAT THOSE ASSETS MAKE POSSIBLE.
17692	CCG: THEY MADE YOU POSSIBLE, GOT IT???
17693	?GG: uh huh
17694	CCG: DO YOU EVEN HAVE ANY IDEA HOW LUCKY YOU ARE TO BE GRACED BY MY DIVINE FURY?
17695	CCG: TO HAVE THE PRIVILEGE OF GETTING TO BE STUDIED AND MOCKED BY ME FOR YOUR WHOLE PATHETIC MISERABLE LIFE?
17696	CCG: DO YOU REALIZE I'M YOUR GOD? YES, YOUR LITERAL GOD, THAT'S RIGHT.
17697	?GG: sure karkat, whatever you say!
17698	CCG: AND I HAVE TAKEN TIME OUT OF MY BUSY GODLY SCHEDULE TO SCRUTINIZE YOUR POINTLESS EXISTENCE.
17699	CCG: OUT OF THE COUNTLESS TRILLIONS OF LIFE FORMS I BROUGHT INTO REALITY THROUGH ANGRY GRUBFUCK POWER ALONE, I HAVE SELECTED YOU FOR EXAMINATION AND HARASSMENT.
17700	CCG: PERSONALLY I THINK THAT WARRANTS A LITTLE GRATITUDE, AND JUST MAYBE, A BIT OF DEFERENCE.
17701	CCG: A CURTSY, PERHAPS?
17702	CCG: BUT YEAH GO AHEAD AND KEEP BLOWING ME OFF LIKE THE FLAKEY LITTLE TWERP YOU ARE.
17703	FUTURE carcinoGeneticist [FCG] 3 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.
17704	FCG: HEY DON'T TALK TO HER LIKE THAT YOU UNCOUTH PIECE OF SHIT.
17705	FCG: THIS IS REFLECTING POORLY ON BOTH OF US, IT'S GODDAMNED EMBARRASSING.
17706	CCG: OH WOW, ANOTHER MIRACLE.
17707	CCG: IT MUST BE PERIGEES EVE, BECAUSE GET A LOAD OF THIS HUGE BEHEMOTH LEAVING THAT JUST GOT DRAGGED IN.
17708	CCG: JADE, OUR DUTY IS CLEAR. WE MUST DECK THIS TURD TO THE NINES.
17709	FCG: OH MY GOD I CAN'T BELIEVE I ACTUALLY THOUGHT THAT WAS A CLEVER THING TO SAY. WHAT A DIPSHIT.
17710	?GG: aaauugh what the hell!!!
17711	FCG: JADE, I'M SORRY ABOUT PAST ME'S RETARDED BEHAVIOR.
17712	FCG: I'M NOT GOING TO DRAG OUT A HUGE APOLOGY OR ANYTHING BECAUSE I ALREADY APOLOGIZED IN AN EARLIER CONVERSATION, OK. I'M JUST LETTING YOU KNOW.
17713	CCG: GOD DAMMIT, ARE YOU SERIOUS?
17714	CCG: I MEAN, AM I SERIOUS?????
17715	CCG: WILL I BE SERIOUS ABOUT THIS SHIT. WILL I REALLY BACK DOWN LIKE A LIMP FRONDED STOOGE? PLEASE TELL ME YOU'RE JOKING.
17716	FCG: PLEASE, JUST
17717	FCG: SHUT UP
17718	FCG: I CAN'T BELIEVE I EVER THOUGHT FUTURE ME WAS THE STUPID ONE
17719	FCG: PAST ME IS THE DUMBEST BUCKET OF FESTERING DISCHARGE I EVER FELL ASS BACKWARDS INTO.
17720	FCG: COME ON, YOU KNOW THIS TO BE TRUE. REMEMBER ALL THE PAST USSES WE USED TO TALK TO??
17721	FCG: THEY WERE EVEN PASTER THAN YOU, AND THEREFORE DUMBER.
17722	CCG: YEAH, I REMEMBER ALL THOSE DUMBSHIT PAST USSES, BUT THEY DON'T HOLD A FUCKING JACKASS CANDLE TO FUTURE USSES.
17723	CCG: AND YOU'RE THE FUTUREST ME I EVER HAD THE CROTCH BLISTERING MISFORTUNE OF JAWING WITH, SO THE FUCKHEAD TROPHY GOES TO YOU.
17724	CCG: I MEAN, MY GOD, WHY.
17725	CCG: IS PROXIMITY TO THAT NASTY LOOKING SPACETIME RIP ON THE TIMELINE MESSING WITH YOUR HEAD?
17726	CCG: IS THAT WHAT'S CAUSING YOU TO FEEL PITY FOR THIS IMBECILE?
17727	FCG: LOOK, JADE'S NOT THAT BAD OK.
17728	FCG: YOU JUST GOT TOO WORKED UP, AND YOU CAN'T SEE THAT.
17729	FCG: AND NOW ALL THIS FROTHING PANDEMONIUM JUMPING OUT OF YOUR MOUTH IS JUST RIDICULOUS OVERCOMPENSATION FOR YOUR OWN SHORTCOMINGS AND MISTAKES, AND MASKING SOME FEELINGS YOU'RE NOT REALLY IN TOUCH WITH.
17730	FCG: THIS IS ALL SO OBVIOUS, I'M FLUSHING LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER IN EMBARRASSMENT HAVING TO EXPLAIN IT TO YOU, AND EVEN WORSE, REMEMBERING HAVING IT EXPLAINED TO ME BY THE SMART ONE THREE HOURS AGO AND STILL ACTING LIKE A MOIST GLOBE EVEN AFTER BEING SO SOUNDLY SCHOOLFED.
17731	CCG: I DON'T BELIEVE THIS. PLEASE TELL ME THIS IS A JOKE.
17732	FCG: YOU SAID SO YOURSELF, WE DON'T JOKE AROUND. IT'S JUVENILE, REMEMBER.
17733	CCG: I'M GOING TO VOMIT.
17734	CCG: I'M MAKING A MENTAL NOTE TO SLAP MYSELF THREE HOURS FROM NOW, FOR BEING ENOUGH OF A SAP TO START DEVELOPING RED FEELINGS FOR A DUMB ANNOYING HUMAN, IF I'M READING BETWEEN THE LINES CORRECTLY.
17735	FCG: I JUST SLAPPED MYSELF! I REMEMBERED MY LAME NOTE TO MYSELF FROM THREE HOURS AGO, AND THEN SLAPPED MYSELF SPECIFICALLY TO MOCK YOU.
17736	FCG: IT STINGS TOO, YOU'LL FEEL IT IN A WHILE. AND THEN THE GHOST OF PAST ME WILL CRY.
17737	FCG: PAST ME DOESN'T EVEN EXIST ANYMORE. HE'S A STUPID BAWLING WIGGLER PHANTOM. HE'S DEAD, NOT A REAL GUY ANYMORE, LIKE ME.
17738	FCG: I'M THE REAL ONE. YOU'RE FAKE, A SHADOW OF A SAD MEMORY THAT PISSED ITS PANTS WHILE SCREAMING.
17739	FCG: TIME TO DEAL WITH IT.
17740	CCG banned FCG from responding to memo.
17741	FCG unbanned himself from responding to memo.
17742	FCG banned CCG from responding to memo.
17743	CCG unbanned himself from responding to memo.
17744	?GG: i cant take this anymore!!!!!!!!
17745	?GG: i dont even know what im reading here but its preposterous and ive had it!
17746	?GG: i am just so angry, i cant believe i let you push me around all those years
17747	?GG: you are completely out of your mind, i was too nice by just blocking you and typing frowny faces and stuff
17748	?GG: i should have let you HAVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
17749	FCG: YES!!!!!
17750	FCG: LET THIS FUCKER KNOW THE SCORE JADE. THIS IS HOW WE ROLL.
17751	?GG: SHUT UP!!!!!!!
17752	?GG: future karkat, if you really are future karkat......
17753	?GG: where do you get off thinking you can just suddenly act like were pals because you said you apologized????
17754	?GG: if you want to apologize then great i am all ears! but just mentioning it off hand and then yelling at yourself the same way you yell at me all the time as if i need a knight to come save me from yourself is so lame, not to mention completely insane
17755	?GG: i cant even believe the things im typing here! this is so stupid, talking to two of you at once is the worst thing imaginable
17756	?GG: you treat everyone horribly, even yourself, i cant even fathom how awful it is to be you
17757	?GG: past karkat, youre acting like a bigger jerk than he is and i think you know that! why dont you take his advice and grow up
17758	?GG: as if theres even a real difference between you two. three hours is hardly any time at all, you are the same person YOU FUCKING IDIOTS!!!!!!!!!
17759	CCG: OH SHIT
17760	FCG: YES, THAT WAS GREAT. WE BOTH HAD IT COMING, ESPECIALLY HIM. GREAT WORK JADE.
17761	?GG: stop it!!!!
17762	?GG: ugh, i dont know whats worse, jerk karkat or goofy sycophant karkat
17763	?GG: i cant stand it, whether youre trying to be nice or just being a crazy asshole, you are just so weird!!!
17764	?GG: im through humoring you, i dont even care about this stupid exploded robot mission, whatever that was
17765	FCG: OH RIGHT, ABOUT THAT
17766	FCG: YEAH WE NEED TO TALK
17767	FCG: I MEAN WE HAVE ALREADY FROM MY PERSPECTIVE
17768	FCG: BUT YOU'RE GOING TO BE REALLY BUSY SOON, BECAUSE YOU'RE ABOUT TO ENTER YOUR SESSION
17769	FCG: SO DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT UNTIL YOU DO, THEN JUST HIT ME UP, WE'LL TALK ABOUT IT
17770	?GG: hahaha, FAT CHANCE!!!!
17771	FCG: LOOK I KNOW THINGS ARE WEIRD BETWEEN US RIGHT NOW AND YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO BE MAD.
17772	FCG: ESPECIALLY AT THAT LOSER.
17773	FCG: BUT THINGS WILL CHANGE, IN TIME YOU'LL SEE I'M NOT QUITE SO AWFUL, OK?
17774	??? turntechGodhead [?TG] AT ?:?? responded to memo.
17775	?TG: ahahahahah oh god
17776	?TG: dude i cant believe you were just getting on our case about hitting on the troll girls
17777	?TG: and then literally the very next memo you are slobbering all over jade
17778	?TG: thats just perfect hahahaha
17779	CCG banned ?TG: from responding to memo.
17780	FCG rebanned ?TG: from responding to memo.
17781	?GG: dave wait dont go!
17782	?GG: youve got to save me from this insanity :(
17783	FCG: OH I SEE, NOW YOU COULD USE A KNIGHT, HOW VERY INTERESTING, HMMM.
17784	FCG: GOD I CAN'T WAIT FOR YOU TO BE FUTURE YOU, SLIGHTLY LESS FUTURE YOU IS SUCH A GOD DAMN PILL
17785	?GG: i cant wait for future you to future kiss my ass!
17786	CCG: YEAH! THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.
17787	?GG: i also cant wait for past you to past drop dead and go to hell, PAST TENSE!!!!!!!!
17788	?GG: when are those things going to happen?? or will have already past/future happened?????
17789	?GG: i want to put another reminder on my finger so i know when its time to throw a party!!!!
17790	FCG: HAHAHAHA, YOU HEAR THAT YOU OBSOLETE PILE OF GARBAGE? JADE JUST FLIPPED YOU OFF WITH A COLORFUL FINGER.
17791	CCG: MAN, SHE OBVIOUSLY HATES YOU MORE. SHE CALLED YOU A SYCOPHANT WHICH IS A HUNDRED TIMES MORE DESCRIPTIVELY WORSE THAN JUST BEING A RUN OF THE MILL SCUMBAG LIKE ME.
17792	CCG: SHE IS TOTALLY ON TO YOU AND HOW DESPICABLE YOU'VE BECOME, CAN YOU BLAME HER FOR HATING US?
17793	FCG: NO, I CAN BLAME YOU, YOU'RE THE ONE WITH NO MANNERS WHO'S ALL TWISTED UP INSIDE.
17794	FCG: HOW'S THIS FOR A PACT, EVERYBODY.
17795	FCG: PAST KARKAT ONLY TALKS TO PAST JADE FROM NOW ON, AND THE TWO OF THEM CAN BICKER LIKE SHITTY LITTLE CHILDREN FOR HOURS/YEARS RESPECTIVELY.
17796	FCG: AND FUTURE KARKAT ONLY TALKS TO FUTURE JADE, AN ARRANGEMENT WHEREIN ONLY INTELLIGENT DISCOURSE TAKES PLACE BETWEEN TWO CIVILIZED, MATURE, GROWN ASSED ADULTS.
17797	FCG: IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK??????
17798	?GG: jesus will you just ban me already????
17799	?GG: my head hurts so bad now i think im going to cry
17800	FCG: MAYBE YOU SHOULD JUST BAN HER ALREADY AND END THIS TORMENT SINCE YOU DRAGGED HER INTO THIS.
17801	CCG: FUCK THAT YOU BAN HER. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO SEEMS TO "CARE".
17802	FCG: WILL YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH, MAN THE FUCK UP, AND BAN THIS POOR GIRL ALREADY?
17803	?GG: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa XO
17804	?GG: i will just ban myself!!!!
17805	?GG: *JADE HARLEY BANNED HERSELF FROM RESPONDING TO THE GRUMPY SHIT HEAD MISERY ZONE, AND IS NEVER COMING BACK*
17806	?GG: pchoooooooooooooooo
17807	[?GG] ceased responding to memo.
17808	FCG: OK, THERE. SHE'S GONE.
17809	FCG: MAYBE NOW YOU GET IT.
17810	FCG: HOW HIDEOUS EVERYONE THINKS YOU ARE, MAYBE YOU'LL FINALLY STOP FUCKING EVERYTHING UP.
17811	CCG: HUH
17812	FCG: WHAT
17813	CCG: I THINK
17814	CCG: I WAS PROBABLY WRONG ABOUT JADE
17815	CCG: SHE'S A LITTLE LESS LAME THAN I THOUGHT
17816	FCG: SHHHHSHHSHSHSHSH
17817	FCG: SHE CAN STILL READ THIS YOU STUPID FUCK
17818	FCG: NOW'S NOT THE TIME TO OPEN YOUR VEINS AND WRITE POEMS ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS
17819	CCG: FUCK YOU, I'M JUST VOICING A HARMLESS OBSERVATION OK
17820	CCG: IT'S NOT MY BUSINESS IF SOME LUNK HEAD IN THE FUTURE GETS CARRIED AWAY WITH WHATEVER LITTLE THOUGHTS I MAY OR MAY NOT NOW BE THINKING
17821	FCG: I...
17822	FCG: BUT
17823	FCG: HOW COULD THAT EVEN BE A REAL THING I TYPED THREE HOURS AGO, HOW COULD I BE THIS STUPID.
17824	FCG: WE ARE JUST THE DUMBEST FUCKERS WHO EVER LIVED AREN'T WE.
17825	CCG: SPEAK FOR YOURSELF.
17826	FCG: I DON'T EVEN HAVE THE ENERGY TO BAN US.
17827	FCG: I'M JUST LEAVING.
17828	[FCG] ceased responding to memo.
17829	CCG: YEAH
17830	[CCG] ceased responding to memo.
17831	That was not a conversation you were hoping to wake up to. You feel more agitated and disoriented than ever.
17832	You consult your reminders to get your bearings on what to do next.
17833	But you can't remember what they mean at all. You have a feeling these are all useless now.
17834	You ditch the strings. All but one.
17835	You don't remember what it was for, but it reminds you of something nonetheless. Something you can't believe you forgot about...
17836	John!
17837	He was falling in your dream. You tried to save him. You hope he is ok.
17838	You look up at your house. Your cool satellite tower bedroom is gone.
17839	What's that thing floating there?
17840	Someone has connected as your server player.
17841	You are pretty sure you know who it is.
17842	You are suddenly John being the someone who is Jade's server player.
17843	Since you have made short work of a delicious home cooked meal, you decide to bear down on this game. However, aromas from the ghost oven persist. What is that... lasagna? Wow, that smells great. Focus, Egbert, focus!
17844	Since your paradox sister is still napping, you guess it couldn't hurt to set a few things up first.
17845	This seems like the obvious place for this thing.
17846	Be careful with that! Don't want to wake the doggy.
17847	Jade's family sure is weird.
17848	For such a huge house, things sure are cluttered in here. Got to make some space.
17849	You suppose you could upgrade this thing right away, if Jade can spare some time to cooperate. You've got plenty of grist to spare.
17850	There's a lot of new junk in the registry. You wonder what all this stuff is for.
17851	It costs a fortune. You have a lot of grist, but not nearly that much.
17852	GG: john are you there???
17853	EB: whoa, hey!
17854	EB: you're awake!
17855	GG: yes!
17856	GG: im so relieved to talk to you and hear youre ok
17857	GG: i mean.......
17858	GG: are you ok john? your dream self i mean
17859	EB: oh, yeah.
17860	EB: i am pretty sure that i...
17861	EB: he?
17862	EB: am/is fine.
17863	EB: i woke up on the battlefield which was on fire, and had flaming bits of prospit everywhere.
17864	GG: :(
17865	GG: yes, but that was not prospit. that was its moon which was severed by the crazy derse agent
17866	EB: oh, you mean jack?
17867	GG: i dunno!
17868	EB: that is his name, karkat told me.
17869	EB: i saw him there too.
17870	EB: oh!!!!!
17871	EB: i also got your present, and it saved my life!
17872	GG: really?? :D
17873	EB: yes, the bunny was so awesome, it was definitely the best bunny i got today.
17874	EB: thank you so much, jade!
17875	GG: <3
17876	EB: when jack saw it, he flew the hell away. and then the bunny and i went on an adventure together.
17877	EB: does the bunny have a name? i asked him but i don't think he can talk.
17878	GG: i dont know! i did not give him one after applying the upgrades
17879	GG: i gave her a girls name when i was very young, but now she is a different bunny, and also a boy i guess?
17880	GG: its up to you john, he is your bunny
17881	EB: oh, i did not even think of that.
17882	EB: well if she grew up as a girl, then it's not right for me to suddenly make her a boy.
17883	EB: hmm...
17884	EB: you have no idea how tempted i am to name her casey again.
17885	GG: hahahaha
17886	GG: again?
17887	EB: yes, i named a young salamander casey earlier, but then i left her at rose's house.
17888	GG: you were at roses house??
17889	EB: yes, but she was asleep.
17890	EB: also, apparently i am supposed to marry rose. karkat said so.
17891	GG: what!!!!
17892	EB: it is true, it is a fact from an alien.
17893	GG: ugh he is so weird
17894	GG: you shouldnt listen to him!
17895	EB: heheh, i did not take him that seriously.
17896	EB: but karkat is cool, he is angry and funny.
17897	GG: D:
17898	GG: he is angry and a huge pain in the ass
17899	GG: have you ever talked to two of him at once????
17900	EB: haha, no!
17901	GG: dont ever do it! you will get a headache
17902	EB: that sounds kind of awesome.
17903	GG: noooooooo, think again
17904	EB: i've got it.
17905	EB: i will name her liv tyler.
17906	GG: ????
17907	EB: the bunny.
17908	GG: :|
17909	GG: you mean from armageddon?
17910	EB: yeah!
17911	GG: john that is so stupid
17912	GG: but also kind of cute i guess
17913	GG: ok then the bunny will be named after your silly movie star fantasy crush
17914	EB: it's too bad i can't marry liv instead of rose.
17915	EB: the girl i mean, not the bunny.
17916	EB: but i guess she is probably dead now, along with all the other glamorous movie stars who come out to shine on the silver screen.
17917	EB: that's pretty sad.
17918	GG: yeah......
17919	GG: that reminds me john
17920	GG: have you looked in the lab yet?
17921	EB: the lab?
17922	GG: the big room in the sphere at the top of the tower
17923	EB: oh, no. why?
17924	GG: could you do me a favor and not look in there?
17925	EB: ok. why, is there a secret in there?
17926	GG: its nothing that secret or personal or anything....
17927	GG: it is just something kind of sad and weird for you to see
17928	EB: what is it?
17929	GG: it is my dead dream self
17930	GG: it has been there for years, i always knew i would die but i did not realize it would go like this....
17931	EB: oh...
17932	EB: errr...
17933	GG: what?
17934	EB: i have sort of already seen... that.
17935	EB: not in the lab, but on the battlefield.
17936	GG: oh no!!!!!
17937	GG: im sorry john :(
17938	EB: it's ok.
17939	EB: i was so confused and sad when i saw you lying there...
17940	EB: i'd rather not talk about it i guess.
17941	GG: i understand
17942	EB: but, i wonder...
17943	EB: if your dream self died...
17944	EB: then what were you just dreaming about now?
17945	GG: ummmmmmm
17946	GG: i think i would rather not talk about that either
17947	EB: ok, that's cool.
17948	EB: oh, also...
17949	EB: i found your ring.
17950	GG: you did????
17951	EB: yes...
17952	EB: but then i woke up, and didn't have it anymore.
17953	EB: so i am not sure where it is now.
17954	GG: oh nooooooo
17955	GG: john that ring is really important, it belongs to the white queen!
17956	EB: oh, whoa.
17957	GG: when you go to sleep again, you should try to find it and keep it safe!
17958	EB: ok, i will do that.
17959	EB: hey jade, we have a lot to catch up on, but how about later?
17960	EB: we have to hurry, remember there is a big meteor heading for you right now?
17961	GG: yes i have seen it, it is so huge ._.
17962	GG: how much time do you suppose we have?
17963	EB: i will find out now!
17964	EB: oh fuck!
17965	EB: ok, we have 10 minutes and 25 seconds.
17966	GG: hmmmm i wonder what the significance of that number is
17967	EB: why would it be significant?
17968	EB: numbers don't always need to have significance!
17969	GG: but they usually do!
17970	EB: ok, well the number is now less than it was, and therefore less significant.
17971	EB: and by less, i mean more! you had better hurry upstairs and make your special item.
17972	GG: yes, youre right
17973	EB: hey, what do you think we should prototype this fussy little orb with?
17974	EB: heheheh, it seems like so long ago that rose fed mine a clown.
17975	EB: we were just messing around, we didn't even know what we were doing.
17976	GG: i dont know...
17977	GG: there are so many possibilities
17978	EB: yeah...
17979	EB: it's almost like your grandpa put all this crap here knowing we'd have to make that decision.
17980	GG: hmmmmmm!
17981	GG: yes, it sure seems that way
17982	EB: he seems like he was an awesome guy, i would have liked to have the chance to talk to him.
17983	GG: well
17984	GG: maybe you will get that chance john
17985	EB: oh?
17986	GG: yes, as a matter of fact i am sure we will both get that chance!
17987	GG: i once dreamt that we would
17988	EB: huh...
17989	EB: wait, are you saying we will prototype him?
17990	EB: like i did with nanna, to bring her ghost back to life?
17991	EB: as...
17992	EB: another ghost?
17993	GG: sure, why not!
17994	EB: i guess that makes a lot of sense, actually.
17995	GG: that is what i believe this game is for in part
17996	GG: you got to bring back your nanna, rose brought back her cat, i can bring back grandpa, and dave...
17997	GG: dave got to bring back a dead bird because of course he is too cool to have any dead family members
17998	EB: yeah, also he brought back himself from the future.
17999	EB: who... wasn't dead, but was going to die maybe? i dunno.
18000	EB: specifically to save my life, as well as yours, i think.
18001	GG: wait, he did????
18002	EB: yes.
18003	GG: that is
18004	GG: soooo cooooool :O
18005	EB: it's pretty neat, i guess.
18006	GG: i almost completely forgot i was his server player!!!!!
18007	GG: i hope hes not in trouble, i should check on him
18008	GG: we probably have so much to catch up on
18009	EB: i just messaged him, he is not answering.
18010	GG: i dont see him in his house either :(
18011	EB: ehhh, he's fine, he has been doing a lot of time traveling.
18012	EB: i talked to him from the future, so he must be ok now to make it that far.
18013	GG: oh, ok...
18014	GG: jeez, i feel so out of the loop :(
18015	EB: yes, that is why we need to get you in the loop!
18016	EB: the loop being the game. hurry upstairs! your transporty pad thingies take you straight up, right?
18017	GG: yes! ok here i go
18018	EB: oh, wait!!!
18019	GG: what!
18020	EB: what do we do about prototyping?
18021	EB: we shouldn't put your grandpa in yet, unless we want lots of imps and ogres and stuff that look like your grandpa.
18022	GG: augh, nooooooooooooooo
18023	EB: we could put in something really lame, to make all the monsters weaker!
18024	EB: or at the very least, more ridiculous looking.
18025	EB: like one of these weird pictures of blue ladies lying around.
18026	EB: what's the deal with those, anyway?
18027	GG: oh god, dont get me started :|
18028	GG: he was a strange and silly man
18029	EB: i guess we could just put nothing in and see what happens.
18030	GG: hmmmmmmm, perhaps
18031	GG: is that allowed?
18032	EB: i don't see why not.
18033	EB: maybe i will ask rose, because she suddenly understands everything for some reason.
18034	GG: yes, thats a good idea
18035	EB: we have ten minutes to think about it.
18036	EB: whoops! i mean a lot less than ten minutes!
18037	EB: hurry upstairs, go go go!!!
18038	EB: what is this thing, anyway??
18039	EB: and why is it blocking your transporter?
18040	GG: it is some sort of terrible creature my grandpa hunted
18041	GG: he called it the typheus minion
18042	GG: i always hated it!
18043	EB: typheus?
18044	EB: like the web browser?
18045	GG: i guess so
18046	GG: it is probably a coincidence though
18047	EB: hmm, i don't know...
18048	EB: if you think numbers always mean something, why wouldn't browser names?
18049	GG: yeah maybe.....
18050	GG: i guess it would make sense for someone to name a really awful web browser after such a hideous monster
18051	EB: wow, you sure do hate that thing!
18052	GG: well sorry, i just found it sort of a weird and creepy thing to grow up with!
18053	EB: i think it is pretty cool.
18054	EB: and he is actually sort of cute to be honest, :p
18055	GG: :p!!!!!!
18056	EB: oh, and screw you, typheus is an awesome browser!
18057	EB: it is old school.
18058	GG: joooohhhhhn, it is so crappy
18059	EB: typheus is the best and that's really all there is to say on the matter.
18060	GG: YEAH RIGHT
18061	GG: now is obviously not the best time to have the argument about whose browser is better....
18062	GG: but really john you should upgrade to echidna, its so much nicer
18063	GG: after you upgrade your clunky old computer of course :P
18064	GG: maybe when i am in the game, i can give you one of mine!
18065	EB: oh please.
18066	EB: i will have you know, miss fancy computer dork...
18067	EB: that i DID upgrade my computer.
18068	GG: oh???
18069	EB: yes, you are talking to the proud owner of a brand new BILL COSBY COMPUTER, ok?
18070	GG: :O
18071	EB: it is a stylish laptop in the shape of none other than bill cosby, the comedy LEGEND himself.
18072	GG: omg
18073	EB: he is looking a little sly, and fatherly, and he is wearing a sweater, and he is bill cosby.
18074	EB: i made it with my alchemiter.
18075	GG: john that is incredible
18076	GG: i cant wait to make stuff like that!!!!!!
18077	GG: except...
18078	GG: all my awesome stuff exploded with my room :(
18079	EB: then you will just have to make lots of NEW awesome stuff!
18080	GG: yay!!!
18081	EB: ok hold that thought, im going to yank this stupid monster off of the thing.
18082	EB: augh!!!!!!!!!!!
18083	EB: i am making such a fucking mess in here.
18084	GG: what is the problem!!!!
18085	EB: oh, nothing.
18086	EB: i am just dropping monsters all over the place, that is all.
18087	EB: are you upstairs?
18088	GG: yes
18089	EB: ok, good.
18090	EB: i left the cruxite by the lathe, as well as the punched card with the green thingy on it.
18091	EB: you should have plenty of time to make it. no drama here!
18092	GG: nice!
18093	GG: how much time?
18094	EB: a little more than 6 minutes.
18095	EB: in the meantime, i will try to contact rose and get this prototyping nonsense sorted out.
18096	EB: it's so confusing...
18097	EB: in my foolishness, i came very close to prototyping your grandpa.
18098	GG: D:
18099	GG: john, try to be more careful!
18100	EB: we very nearly had to face our grandfatherly paradox-dad as a last boss.
18101	EB: that would probably be the worst case scenario.
18102	GG: um.....
18103	GG: what?
18104	EB: rose, i have a question, and i am in a hurry!
18105	EB: so hurry up and answer!!!
18106	TT: Did you know your planet was on fire?
18107	EB: oh.
18108	EB: it is?
18109	TT: Yes. It makes a good light for reading, actually.
18110	EB: ok, haha, that's a confusing thing you said, but that topic will have to wait!
18111	EB: jade is minutes away from entering, and i need to decide what to do with this kernel sprite.
18112	EB: i really don't want to mess up and do something stupid.
18113	EB: i was thinking about not prototyping at all, to not give the monsters any new powers.
18114	EB: what do you think, rose?
18115	EB: i thought i'd ask since you seem to know all the mysteries.
18116	TT: Yes, I do seem to be shadowed by each mystery and its somber cortege of riddles, don't I?
18117	EB: yes.
18118	EB: that is exactly what i was going to say.
18119	TT: First of all, I should preface this conversation by saying I know exactly what you and Jade are going to do.
18120	EB: um...
18121	EB: ok?
18122	TT: The more of our future I've been allowed to see, the more I'm presented with a challenge I'm not very comfortable with.
18123	TT: The trolls have tipped us off about what's to come without any regard for the consequences, as appears to be their nature.
18124	TT: But maybe that's why it's worked for them.
18125	TT: Maybe their indiscretion mingles with the cosmic noise that is the fabric of temporal uncertainty.
18126	EB: bluhhhhhh...
18127	EB: rose, tick tick tick!!!
18128	TT: Sorry, John.
18129	TT: I'm just nervous about it.
18130	TT: About whether telling you what you definitely will or won't do will alter a predetermined outcome.
18131	TT: The result would be a splintered timeline, and we would all be sentenced to eventual oblivion.
18132	TT: I'm presently optimistic this has not happened yet, and this is still the alpha timeline. I'd like to keep it that way.
18133	EB: oh, wow.
18134	EB: you mean like when i died in another dimension, because terezi hornswoggled me?
18135	TT: Yes, sort of.
18136	TT: It isn't much fun, John.
18137	EB: what's not?
18138	TT: Living for months in an offshoot reality, waiting for the curtain to drop.
18139	EB: oh, ok, i see.
18140	EB: well, uh...
18141	EB: is there anything you can tell me?
18142	TT: Hmm.
18143	TT: I guess I can permit myself to tell you this, somewhat definitively.
18144	EB: what?
18145	TT: Failing to prototype the kernel is the absolute worst thing that you could possibly do.
18146	TT: Like, ever.
18147	EB: oh no!
18148	TT: We would come into possession of all the disasters.
18149	TT: Exhaustive possession. Monopolization, in fact.
18150	EB: then i guess i will not do that.
18151	EB: why is it so bad?
18152	TT: Because the battlefield will not be able to heal, and then transform.
18153	TT: It will not reach the stage which allows it to become ready to receive our universe.
18154	EB: but...
18155	EB: i thought you said it wasn't going to be able to make a universe anyway?
18156	EB: wasn't it barren or something?
18157	TT: Yes.
18158	EB: so why is it important?
18159	TT: Because if it does not reach this stage, we will not be able to recover the treasure hidden in its core.
18160	TT: Which is to say,
18161	TT: You will not be able to recover it.
18162	TT: When you go to sleep again.
18163	EB: OHHHHHH.
18164	EB: why didn't you say so, of course the answer is treasure.
18165	TT: Yes. This is the treasure that will give us hope.
18166	TT: But only if it comes into being in the first place.
18167	EB: what is the treasure exactly?
18168	TT: John, what is that sound?
18169	EB: what sound?
18170	TT: It seems to be a ticking noise.
18171	EB: aaaahh!
18172	EB: yeah, i've got to go. we can chat about treasure later.
18173	EB: anyway, i will sort out this prototyping silliness myself.
18174	EB: thanks rose!
18175	What the heck is this?
18176	GG: dave!
18177	GG: are you busy?
18178	GG: i dont have much time!
18179	GG: i am about to make my entry item, and its a little confusing
18180	GG: i think the more players we add, the trickier they are to... um......
18181	GG: activate!
18182	GG: like yours was
18183	GG: i figured we could brainstorm about it, while john fusses with the kernel
18184	GG: helloooooo?
18185	TG: nak nak nak
18186	GG: :o
18187	TG: nak nak nak nak nak nak
18188	GG: :\
18189	GG: whaaat....?
18190	TG: nakka nakka nak
18191	GG: dammit dave!!!!!!
18192	GG: this is really urgent!
18193	TG: MY GLASSES ARE TALKING TO ME MY GLASSES ARE TALKING TO ME
18194	TG: naknaknaknaknaknaknaknaknaknaknaknak
18195	GG: ._.
18196	Wait, what happened? Where are you? Hey is that your...
18197	NO BILL NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
18198	How many times must you say goodbye??
18199	NO NANNA NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
18200	Well, at least you are pretty sure she doesn't live in there. She is probably still back at your house, baking or something.
18201	There is no answer.
18202	YOU ARE JUST SO FRUSTRATED wait why the hell would you do that, what was the point.
18203	In spite of being an idiot, you still have a viable remaining communication device.
18204	And as fortune would have it, someone is communicating with you now. This girl better have some damn answers!!!
18205	TT: John.
18206	EB: blaaauuuuuuuuugh, what happened!!!!!
18207	TT: You were sleeping.
18208	EB: yes, i know!
18209	EB: on the corner of my ghost bed!
18210	EB: in the middle of an oil ocean!
18211	EB: for some reason!!!
18212	TT: Why were you sleeping?
18213	TT: Everywhere I look, I see boys taking naps.
18214	EB: um...
18215	EB: i have no idea.
18216	EB: i don't remember what happened, i was in the middle of helping jade...
18217	EB: and then...
18218	EB: i guess my bed crashed?
18219	EB: and i got knocked out i guess.
18220	EB: i was dreaming.
18221	EB: i couldn't have been out for that long, because my dream was really short.
18222	TT: You weren't.
18223	TT: Ten minutes, I'd say.
18224	TT: What were you dreaming about?
18225	EB: i was on the battlefield again.
18226	EB: but i did not have time to seek the treasure!
18227	TT: I wouldn't imagine so.
18228	EB: but...
18229	EB: i did see a black guy wrapped up in my ghosty bed sheets.
18230	EB: he was acting very suspicious.
18231	TT: A black guy?
18232	EB: oh...
18233	EB: i do not mean like, an african american or anything.
18234	EB: like bill cosby.
18235	TT: Thanks for clearing that up.
18236	EB: r.i.p. bill. :(
18237	EB: this fellow had a hard black shell, like all the dead guys do.
18238	EB: i followed him for a bit...
18239	EB: and then some sorta ruckus transpired, and i woke up.
18240	EB: and now jade won't answer!
18241	EB: do you know if she's ok?
18242	TT: She's fine.
18243	TT: But you're not.
18244	EB: i'm not?
18245	TT: Remember how I said your planet was on fire?
18246	EB: oh yeah...
18247	EB: that didn't by any chance stop being a thing that was true, did it?
18248	TT: It did not.
18249	TT: Do you see that pinkish hue behind you, bleeding over the horizon?
18250	EB: fuck!!!
18251	EB: rose, this is all oil! it'll all just explode any second, won't it???
18252	TT: I don't think the fire's rate of propagation is quite as fast as you're imagining.
18253	TT: But the danger is still significant.
18254	TT: Especially considering that your bed is sinking.
18255	EB: fuuuuuuuuuuuck!!!!!!!
18256	TT: Relax.
18257	TT: Look to your right.
18258	TT: This will at least buy you some time.
18259	TT: If you stay calm, and we work together, we can get you out of this.
18260	TT: I'm practically an expert at escaping fires by now.
18261	EB: ok, thank you rose.
18262	EB: hey, how do you know these things anyway?
18263	EB: can you see me somehow?
18264	TT: Yes.
18265	TT: I have a crystal ball.
18266	EB: oh man, really?
18267	TT: Yes.
18268	EB: like a magic one?
18269	TT: I think so.
18270	EB: can it show you the future?
18271	EB: is that how you know what's going to happen?
18272	TT: No, it can only show me various locations in the present moment, as far as I can tell.
18273	TT: My perception of the future has been informed by other sources.
18274	EB: like what?
18275	TT: Informants.
18276	EB: durrrrr.
18277	TT: Whispering gods, memories sifted from dreams, cryptic readings from unearthed talismans, conclusions drawn from riddles deciphered - every gambit you'd expect a quest to extend to an emerging seer.
18278	TT: Just as I presume an heir would be supplied with what's needed for his maturation, assuming he's looking for it.
18279	EB: oh... yeah.
18280	EB: point taken. i guess i should be looking, huh?
18281	TT: You should probably be doing what you're doing.
18282	EB: okay, so...
18283	EB: with what you've learned from your dreams and gods and magic and stuff...
18284	EB: do you have it all mapped out now? do you know everything?
18285	TT: I didn't know why you were asleep, did I?
18286	EB: yeah, but...
18287	EB: neither did i!
18288	TT: I have more pedestrian sources too, you know.
18289	TT: Sometimes trolls blither tidbits about the future, and I can't help but take note of it.
18290	TT: Just as they do with you.
18291	TT: You also have access to the oracle clouds in Skaia, whereas I do not.
18292	EB: oh yeah.
18293	TT: Knowing the future is no remarkable feat here.
18294	TT: It appears to be a fact of life.
18295	TT: I'm not all that special, John.
18296	EB: ok, buuuuuut...
18297	EB: i guess that's not all i'm talking about.
18298	EB: you seem a little different.
18299	EB: kind of, um... spooky?
18300	TT: Really?
18301	EB: i just mean that before, it felt like we were in this adventure together, figuring stuff out as we went along.
18302	EB: and now you have all the answers! because of magic, and other mysterious reasons!
18303	EB: and you want to use your powers to break the game, and i still don't really understand why, and...
18304	EB: bluh.
18305	TT: I'm not actually trying to caricaturize a grim sorcerer.
18306	TT: There's still a perfectly intact piece of my mind which realizes how ridiculous it is to be flying across rainbow oceans with a couple of magic wands and a salamander in a little cowl.
18307	TT: And it wasn't without swallowing a little embarrassment that I revealed I was using a crystal ball just now.
18308	TT: It's all pretty absurd.
18309	TT: And yet,
18310	TT: It's been fun, and above all, practical.
18311	TT: For solving our problems.
18312	EB: ok, yeah, you're right.
18313	EB: i guess i just started worryin'...
18314	EB: that you are getting away from us!
18315	EB: because you know everything, and you're magic, and you have a crystal ball, and a salamander, and you are basically a wizard.
18316	EB: and that's cool, and it sure does sound fun...
18317	EB: but i kinda think it was more fun when you just did things like read books, and tell jokes.
18318	TT: I still read books and tell jokes.
18319	EB: BA-DUM PSHHH!
18320	TT: John,
18321	TT: That was mean.
18322	EB: sorry. :(
18323	EB: well, if you do not have any objection...
18324	EB: maybe later, i will drop by your planet again and rescue you, thus breaking the spooky spell put on you by your nefarious, shadowy masters.
18325	TT: Swoon!
18326	EB: that way you will stop being so grimdark and ominous, and basically completely off the deep end in every way, as is now painfully obvious to anyone with a brain.
18327	TT: I will do by best to occupy myself as benignly and unmagically as possible until you show up.
18328	EB: yes.
18329	EB: please write some happy stories in your journal, about lively horses, and conspicuously not about wizards, or sadness.
18330	TT: ... "Happy?"
18331	TT: What is this strange, unsad emotion of which you speak?
18332	EB: yes, this is good.
18333	EB: you see rose, these are jokes.
18334	EB: this are what they look like, do not be alarmed.
18335	TT: Jokes?
18336	TT: Are those the things people say when they want unusual noises to come out of the pliable crescent-shaped holes sometimes found in people's faces?
18337	EB: laughs, rose. laaaughs.
18338	EB: also, those crescenty looking holes where laughs come out of?
18339	EB: those are smiles!
18340	EB: observe... :D
18341	TT: I need to make a note of this.
18342	TT: Excuse me while I open this tome bound in the tanned, writhing flesh of a tortured hellscholar. The screaming will subside shortly.
18343	EB: ok, i will wait patiently.
18344	TT: Continue to not be alarmed as I record your advice with runes stroked in the black tears bled from the corruption-weary eyes of fifty thousand imaginary occultists.
18345	TT: And then brace yourself for the fabled blackdeath trance of the woegothics I will slip into, while quaking in the bloodeldritch throes of the broodfester tongues.
18346	EB: no, rose!
18347	EB: that sort of nonsense is exactly what is out of the question!
18348	EB: i see things are more urgent than i realized.
18349	EB: i will have to venture there straightaway, and slap you right out of that silly old trance!
18350	TT: One is not easily shaken from the broodfester tongues, John.
18351	TT: They are stubborn throes.
18352	EB: oh.
18353	EB: well shit.
18354	TT: Besides, you can't come to my planet right away.
18355	TT: You will need to recover the treasure first, because it must be delivered to me.
18356	EB: oh yeah.
18357	EB: what is this treasure, anyway?
18358	EB: and how's it gonna save us!
18359	TT: You'd probably be disappointed if I described it.
18360	EB: tell me anyway!
18361	TT: Ok.
18362	TT: It's called The Tumor.
18363	EB: ...
18364	EB: you're right, that is the shittiest sounding treasure i have ever heard.
18365	EB: so what is this tumor supposed to do?
18366	EB: and what is the significance of...
18367	EB: removing it, i guess?
18368	EB: does that mean im curing the battlefield or something?
18369	EB: like the planet's doctor?
18370	EB: hello?????
18371	EB: rose?????????????
18372	TT: Sorry.
18373	TT: I was preoccupied.
18374	EB: by what?
18375	TT: Oh, let's say,
18376	TT: Troll stuff.
18377	TT: You know how it is.
18378	EB: ????????????????????????????????
18379	TT: Incidentally, looks like you will have your own troll stuff to attend to shortly.
18380	EB: i will?
18381	TT: Yes.
18382	TT: Involving the one who hates you, and the one who likes you.
18383	EB: um...
18384	EB: which ones are those?
18385	TT: You don't have a guess?
18386	EB: uh... karkat and vriska?
18387	EB: oh god, i was right. there they are now.
18388	EB: how did you know?
18389	TT: I have to go, John.
18390	TT: Talk to your trolls.
18391	TT: We'll catch up shortly.
18392	EB: wait!!!
18393	EB: there's stuff you didn't tell me!
18394	EB: what happened with jade? did i mess anything up with the prototyping??
18395	EB: aaaugh, why can't i remember!!!!!
18396	EB: don't go yet rose, tell me!
18397	EB: rose???????
18398	EB: BLUH BLUH
18399	EB: HUGE WITCH
18400	CG: IT'S ME AGAIN, ASSHOLE
18401	CG: THE ONE WHO HATES YOU, REMEMBER?
18402	CG: OR SHOULD I SAY FUTURE-REMEMBER???
18403	EB: karkat!!!!!!!!!!
18404	CG: AGAIN WITH KNOWING MY NAME
18405	CG: IT'S REALLY FUCKING UNSETTLING WHEN YOU DO THAT.
18406	CG: I WONDER HOW FAR BACK YOU KNOW IT
18407	CG: I'M GOING TO HAVE TO MAKE A SPECIAL POINT OF NOT BEING THE ONE TO TELL YOU, I DON'T WANT TO GIVE YOU THE SATISFACTION.
18408	EB: hey, shut up a second!
18409	EB: i need you to be nice for a change and do me a favor...
18410	EB: have you talked to jade recently?
18411	EB: can you tell me what happened to her??
18412	CG: WHO THE FUCK IS JADE.
18413	EB: uh...
18414	EB: hmm.
18415	CG: JOHN, THE FACT THAT YOU ALWAYS SEEM TO THINK I CAN READ YOUR MIND JUST UNDERSCORES WHAT A HARROWING GODDAMN IDIOT YOU ARE.
18416	EB: jade is the girl who i am pretty sure just entered our session.
18417	EB: she is my client player.
18418	CG: OH, YOU MEAN THE ONE WHO FUCKS EVERYTHING UP.
18419	EB: um, yeah... i thought you knew that? you talked to her a bunch of times, apparently.
18420	CG: WHY THE FUCK WOULD I KNOW THAT.
18421	CG: THIS IS ONLY THE SECOND TIME I HAVE EVER TALKED TO A HUMAN.
18422	CG: AND THE FIRST TIME, MUCH TO MY MIGRAINE COMPOUNDING REGRET, WAS WITH YOU.
18423	EB: oh!
18424	EB: ok, i see what is going on here.
18425	EB: we are finally getting to our first couple of conversations. cool!
18426	CG: NO, NOT "COOL".
18427	CG: WHAT IS GOING ON HERE IS VERY MUCH ANTITHETICAL TO YOUR PRIMITIVE HUMAN NOTION OF "EARTH COOL".
18428	CG: YOU SEE, IN OUR FIRST CONVERSATION, WE DIDN'T EXACTLY GET OFF ON THE RIGHT FOOT.
18429	CG: IT IS A FOOT WHICH SHOULD HAVE REEKED OF YOUR VERBAL RUINATION.
18430	CG: BUT INSTEAD IT SMELLED LIKE
18431	CG: WELL, LET'S NOT GET INTO THAT.
18432	CG: I AM HERE TO DO WHAT YOU AND YOUR PATHETIC CADRE OF CO-HUMANS FAILED TO DO, WHICH IS SET THE RECORD STRAIGHT.
18433	CG: I AM HERE TO UTTERLY ANNIHILATE YOUR SHIT.
18434	CG: I WILL STAY ON MESSAGE THIS TIME. I WILL NOT BE DETERRED BY YOUR GOOFY MANNERISMS AND YOUR ABSURD PENCHANT FOR REVELING IN SELF ABUSE.
18435	CG: WE WILL GET OFF ON A FRESH FOOT, AND BY FRESH I MEAN MOST FOUL INDEED.
18436	CG: ITS TOES ARE WIGGLING UNDER YOUR HIDEOUS PINK NOSTRILS. NOW BREATHE DEEP YOUR MISFORTUNE, YOU SAD LITTLE CLOWN.
18437	CG: THIS IS THE END OF YOU. THAT AROMA YOU DETECT WAFTS FROM THE BOUQUET PERCHED ON YOUR CORPSE BOX.
18438	CG: NOBODY CRIES, EXCEPT YOUR SHITTY GHOST. HEAVY SOBS FROM A SPECTER OF UNQUALIFIED FAILURE.
18439	CG: IT IS A SYMPHONY TO MY ANGRY EARS.
18440	EB: so... the smell is from a foot... but also from funeral flowers?
18441	EB: this metaphor is confusing.
18442	CG: STFU
18443	CG: I'M ONLY GETTING STARTED.
18444	EB: yeah, i know!
18445	EB: this is all that big time trolling i was looking forward to.
18446	EB: and it's pretty good so far, and ordinarily i would be excited to hear more...
18447	CG: YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN???
18448	CG: YOU ARE ACTUALLY ENJOYING THIS, WHAT A SICK FUCK.
18449	EB: but i really am concerned about what happened with jade!
18450	EB: my request for a favor still stands, even though this is early you, and you still think you hate me.
18451	CG: DON'T QUESTION THE SINCERITY OF MY HATE, JUST DON'T EVEN FUCKING GO THERE.
18452	EB: ok, fine! you hate me sooooo much, like, for real.
18453	EB: can you just tell me what's up with jade?
18454	EB: can you see her?
18455	CG: YEAH I SEE HER
18456	CG: IT'S MAKING ME MAD SEEING HER
18457	EB: can you tell me what happened? what did she do that was so bad?
18458	CG: HAHAHAHAHAHA
18459	CG: HERE I AM TALKING TO YOU MOMENTS AFTER YOU DID THE TERRIBLE THING, AND YOU STILL DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU DID!
18460	CG: INCREDIBLE, YOU TRULY ARE DUMBER THAN I THOUGHT.
18461	EB: ok!!! i'm an idiot! can you just tell me anyway????
18462	EB: whoa...
18463	CG: WHAT
18464	EB: the ground is shaking...
18465	EB: what's going on?
18466	CG: I'LL TELL YOU WHAT'S GOING ON.
18467	CG: WHAT YOU FUCKING DID IS WHAT'S GOING ON.
18468	EB: so tell me what i fucking did!!!
18469	CG: OH, YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU FUCKING DID?
18470	EB: yes!
18471	EB: please, no more stalling or "i already told you's" or any other maddening nonsense!
18472	EB: just...
18473	EB: TELL ME!
18474	CG: VERY WELL, JOHN HUMAN EGBERT.
18475	CG: I WILL TELL YOU WHAT YOU DID
18476	CG: READY FOR ME TO TELL YOU WHAT YOU DID?
18477	CG: HERE'S ME, TELLING YOU WHAT YOU DID
18478	CG: OK, HERE GOES
18479	CG: WHAT YOU DID IS AS FOLLOWS
18480	CG: AS SUCH
18481	CG: AND THUSLY
18482	EB: :|
18483	He then proceeded to tell you what you did, as such.
18484	And we then proceeded to watch.
18485	Thusly.
18486	CG: YOU MADE AN UNBEATABLE BOSS IS WHAT YOU DID.
18487	CG: THE IDIOT YOU CALL THE JADE HUMAN WENT AHEAD AND PROTOTYPED HER FREAK OF A LUSUS, WHILE YOU DECIDED TO TAKE A NAP FOR SOME REASON RATHER THAN DOING WHAT A LEADER IS SUPPOSED TO DO AND STOP HER FROM BEING SO FUCKING RETARDED.
18488	CG: YOUR VERSION OF JACK, WHO YOU WERE SOMEHOW DUMB ENOUGH TO ENTRUST WITH THE QUEEN'S RING, BECAME ESSENTIALLY INDESTRUCTIBLE.
18489	CG: HE THEN WENT ON A RAMPAGE THROUGH YOUR POINTLESS SESSION, WHICH HILARIOUSLY, WAS ALREADY A LOST CAUSE EVEN BEFORE THIS HAPPENED!
18490	CG: I AM JUST BESIDE MYSELF WITH THE SPECTACULAR BREADTH OF YOUR FAILURE.
18491	CG: AND IF THIS WASN'T BAD ENOUGH
18492	CG: YOUR "SOLUTION" LATER WOULD BE TO OPEN A RIFT IN SOME GLORIOUS GESTURE OF MEANINGLESS SUICIDE.
18493	CG: AND I HAVE NO IDEA HOW
18494	CG: BUT THE RIFT YOU OPENED ENABLED HIM TO ENTER OUR SESSION, JUST AS WE WERE ABOUT TO CLAIM OUR PRIZE.
18495	CG: AND NOW WE'RE THE ONES WHO HAVE TO FUCKING DEAL WITH HIM!
18496	CG: SO THANKS A LOT, SHIT HEAD.
18497	EB: jade prototyped a lusus?
18498	EB: what's that?
18499	CG: OH
18500	CG: OK, MY BAD, I FORGOT I WAS TALKING TO A MEMBER OF A GENERICALLY BIZARRE ALIEN SPECIES.
18501	CG: I GUESS SOME HUMANS HAVE A LUSUS, WHILE OTHERS DON'T? WHATEVER.
18502	CG: HER LUSUS IS THE CREATURE WHICH SERVES AS HER CUSTODIAN.
18503	EB: oh, you mean her dog!
18504	CG: I GUESS
18505	EB: so, she prototyped becquerel?
18506	EB: why is that so bad?
18507	CG: JOHN, DO YOU EVEN KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT YOUR FRIENDS?
18508	CG: IS THIS HOW HUMAN FRIENDSHIP WORKS? YOU JUST DON'T KNOW SHIT ABOUT EACH OTHER?
18509	CG: HER LUSUS EXHIBITS THE PROPERTIES OF A LEGENDARY ENTITY CALLED A FIRST GUARDIAN.
18510	CG: IT IS AN ABSOLUTE MONSTROSITY.
18511	EB: what properties?
18512	CG: OK, FOR STARTERS, NOTICE HOW THE FURIOUS WALL OF FIRE CURRENTLY RUSHING TOWARD YOU IS TURNING GREEN?
18513	EB: uh oh...
18514	CG: YEAH
18515	CG: THOSE FUCKING PROPERTIES.
18516	CG: BUT IT'S A LOT MORE THAN THAT.
18517	CG: AS THE DEFENDERS OF THEIR PLANETS, THEY'RE VIRTUALLY OMNIPOTENT.
18518	CG: PROTOTYPING ONE IS ABSOLUTELY UNCONSCIONABLE.
18519	CG: THE RESULT IS A BOSS A HELL OF A LOT WORSE THAN WHAT WE HAD TO FIGHT, AND WE PROTOTYPED TWELVE TIMES RATHER THAN A MEASLY FOUR.
18520	CG: AND ONE OF OUR PROTOTYPINGS INCLUDED AN OUTER FUCKING GOD THE SIZE OF A CITY!
18521	CG: I HOPE THIS PUTS IN PERSPECTIVE HOW TERRIBLE YOU ARE.
18522	EB: huh...
18523	EB: yeah, it kind of does.
18524	EB: i'm sorry karkat, i didn't realize we screwed up so bad.
18525	CG: ALRIGHT WELL
18526	CG: I WASN'T EXPECTING YOU TO MAN UP AND APOLOGIZE FOR IT, SO OK I'LL GIVE YOU CREDIT FOR THAT.
18527	CG: BUT IT'S NOT STOPPING ME FROM DETESTING YOU AND IT SURE AS FUCK ISN'T GOING TO DERAIL THIS RUNAWAY HATE TRAIN, JUST SO YOU KNOW.
18528	EB: oh, yeah, i know.
18529	EB: you're really gonna tear me apart!
18530	EB: i just feel kind of bad i fell asleep, i don't know what came over me.
18531	EB: maybe i ate too much lasagna.
18532	CG: HEY, INOPPORTUNE NAPS HAPPEN IN THIS GAME.
18533	CG: EXCEPT TO ME, BEING THE STALWART MODEL OF LEADERSHIP I AM.
18534	CG: I MANAGED TO STAY AWAKE FOR SEVERAL WEEKS STRAIGHT, I DIDN'T WANT TO LET MY GUARD DOWN FOR A SECOND.
18535	CG: BUT THEN
18536	CG: AFTER IT WAS ALL OVER, AND WE RETREATED IN FAILURE
18537	CG: I FOOLISHLY DID.
18538	CG: AND THAT'S WHEN I SAW HIM.
18539	EB: who?
18540	CG: JACK.
18541	CG: I DIDN'T RECOGNIZE HIM WHEN HE FIRST APPEARED.
18542	CG: BUT ON PROSPIT, I SAW HIM UP CLOSE, WITHOUT ALL THAT RIDICULOUS GREEN SHIT OBSCURING HIM.
18543	CG: I COULD HARDLY BELIEVE IT WAS REALLY HIM BY THE WAY HE LOOKED, BUT I JUST KNEW.
18544	CG: HE WAS WEARING A RING I DIDN'T RECOGNIZE, CERTAINLY NOT ONE BELONGING TO OUR QUEENS.
18545	CG: WE DESTROYED THOSE.
18546	CG: HE WORE IT ON HIS ONE HAND, WHICH WAS COVERED IN OUR MUTANT BLOOD.
18547	CG: AND THEN
18548	CG: JUST LIKE THAT
18549	CG: HE KILLED ME
18550	CG: AND I GUESS
18551	CG: EVEN THOUGH IT WAS PROBABLY JUST HIS WAY OF SAYING HI
18552	CG: I STILL FELT KIND OF BETRAYED.
18553	EB: betrayed?
18554	CG: YES JOHN. BETRAYED.
18555	EB: um, ok.
18556	CG: WHEN I WOKE UP, EVERYONE HERE WAS BUZZING ABOUT THESE ALIENS CALLED HUMANS.
18557	CG: SO NATURALLY I'M LIKE WHO GIVES A SHIT, RIGHT?
18558	CG: WELL, WRONG.
18559	CG: I PRETTY QUICKLY DETERMINED THAT HE WAS FROM YOUR SESSION, NOT OURS.
18560	CG: SO HE WASN'T REALLY "MY JACK"
18561	CG: AND I WAS SORT OF RELIEVED
18562	CG: RELIEVED BUT ALSO ENRAGED
18563	CG: I'M SURE YOU KNOW THE FEELING.
18564	EB: er...
18565	EB: not really.
18566	CG: ANYWAY, THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED, AND THAT'S WHY YOU ARE SUCH A DISGRACE.
18567	CG: THIS IS PROBABLY THE LAST TIME I WILL EVER EXPLAIN ALL THIS STUFF TO YOU, BECAUSE I CAN'T IMAGINE IT WILL HELP MY HEADACHE MUCH TO REPEAT MYSELF.
18568	CG: I BET IT'LL BE PRETTY FRUSTRATING FOR YOU IN THE PAST!
18569	EB: i suppose it was...
18570	EB: but meh, it is all water under the bridge.
18571	EB: which is where trolls and their shenanigans belong!
18572	CG: HA HA! I'M LAUGHING MY ASS OFF AT YOUR FUNNY FUCKING JOKE.
18573	CG: I HOPE THIS IS THE CALIBER OF HUMOR I CAN EXPECT FROM YOU IN THE FUTURE-PAST, EGBERT.
18574	CG: IT'LL BE A REAL TREAT TROLLING YOU WITH MORE OF THOSE NUB SLAPPERS TO LOOK FORWARD TO!
18575	EB: oh, there will be lots of great material. just wait until i start handing out rabbits, you will love that.
18576	CG: WOW, WHAT A CRYPTIC STATEMENT.
18577	CG: CHECK THIS OUT, I DON'T GIVE A FUCK.
18578	CG: ANYWAY, GUESS I'LL GET GOING AND LET YOU DIE IN YOUR FIRE, WHICH YOU REALLY SHOULD, BUT YOU'RE OBVIOUSLY NOT GOING TO FOR SOME REASON.
18579	CG: I'VE GOT TO REWIND THE TAPE ON THIS CLUSTERFUCK AND FIGURE OUT WHAT WENT WRONG.
18580	EB: yeah, i should get going too.
18581	EB: my friend is pestering me, and i doubt she likes to be kept waiting.
18582	EB: (she is sort of the bossy type!)
18583	CG: WHY WOULD I CARE ABOUT YOUR DUMB HUMAN FRIEND AND HER PETULANT, MEANINGLESS DEMANDS.
18584	CG: WHAT COULD THAT POSSIBLY HAVE TO DO WITH ME.
18585	EB: ummm...
18586	EB: yeah, you're right, it is probably of no significance to you whatsoever.
18587	EB: (hehehehe)
18588	CG: A;SLDKJFSDLKFJS;LDJFLK;J
18589	CG: HERE, JOHN HUMAN DIPSHIT.
18590	CG: HAVE A SECOND AND PENULTIMATE FUCK YOU:
18591	CG: "FUCK"
18592	CG: "YOU"
18593	CG: MAY IT MARK THE SECOND OF MANY TO COME, AND THE MAGNIFICENT DENOUEMENT TO MANY RECEIVED.
18594	CG: TOGETHER WE JUST TUGGED AT THE BOW TO UNRAVEL A PRESENT FULL OF GO FUCK YOURSELF.
18595	CG: HAPPY WRIGGLING DAY YOU UGLY PILE OF TRASH.
18596	There is something familiar about this.
18597	You feel as though there is something you've forgotten. Something concealed in long slumbering memories.
18598	You have not inspected your treasure in years. You have spent ages guarding it without understanding its purpose.
18599	Its only purpose you have understood has been to remind you of things you have taken care to forget. But now...
18600	You think it is time to remember.
18601	Of course! The boy on the screen!
18602	He must be the same one. You do not know how it is possible. But you are sure it is him.
18603	John is the boy you saw that day.
18604	John is the windy one.
18605	Egad, a thief approaches!!! This pajama'd rogue surely seeks to put his mitts on your newfound glowy treasure.
18606	He is definitely a thief. You have an eye for these types. He is either a master thief himself, or at the very least, an apprentice of one.
18607	There is so much left for him to do.
18608	Yes, and it seems you have remembered your human etiquette as well.
18609	John is busy at the moment. He is talking to his friend.
18610	Yes. Her.
18611	John is asking about her. But to no avail. She is currently preoccupied.
18612	He will.
18613	Why yes, he is in peril. He was stranded there on account of a nap instigated by the one he apprentices under.
18614	No, now he's talking to the Knight.
18615	He is not a human.
18616	John is too engrossed in the conversation to entertain your wishes.
18617	The matter he is discussing is quite urgent. Perhaps he'll humor you another time.
18618	Ah, so that's your plan, is it?
18619	Yelling will get you nowhere. Don't you remember?
18620	You see what happens when you forget your manners?
18621	AG: Psssssssst.
18622	AG: Hey 8rave leader.
18623	AG: John!
18624	AG: Stop ignoring me. My messages should receive top priority.
18625	AG: Who are you talking to? I don't appreciate 8eing snu88ed like this. How ungr8ful can you get!
18626	AG: Maaaaaaaan.
18627	AG: Come oooooooon........
18628	EB: hey vriska, sorry to keep you waiting!
18629	AG: W8ting?
18630	AG: Oh! I guess so. I hardly even noticed! I am like this really huge deal, and have a lot of stuff to keep me 8usy, remem8er?
18631	EB: yeah, i know.
18632	EB: um, sorry to cut this short, but this isn't really the best time to chat!
18633	EB: i am in the middle of an ocean of oil that is ablaze with a lot of green fire.
18634	EB: i need to figure out a way to escape!
18635	EB: unfortunately, i fell asleep for some reason, and my bed landed here.
18636	EB: i can't believe i was so stupid.
18637	AG: Don't 8eat yourself up a8out it!
18638	AG: I was the one who put you to sleep.
18639	EB: you were?
18640	AG: Yeah!
18641	EB: um...
18642	EB: you can do that?
18643	AG: Yes, that seems to 8e the limit to what I can do to your primitive species.
18644	AG: I guess our 8rains don't really work the same way? Who knows!
18645	EB: hmm.
18646	EB: what do you mean, "limit"?
18647	EB: are you saying you can usually do more than that?
18648	AG: Duh! So much more, John. I have a lot of gr8 powers.
18649	AG: When we have more time, I will tell you all a8out them.
18650	EB: ok, that is pretty cool i guess...
18651	EB: but...
18652	EB: why???
18653	EB: why would you put me to sleep and put me in this predicament?
18654	AG: John, soon you will understand that you are meant to rise to gr8tness.
18655	AG: This can't possi8ly happen unless you are challenged.
18656	AG: There will 8e times when your limits are tested. This is one of those times!
18657	AG: I know this 8ecause I can see your future right here in front of me. You should trust me!
18658	EB: ok, but...
18659	EB: i kind of get that, but it's also kind of odd...
18660	EB: if you're seeing my future, and you know those things are the outcome, then why are you going back and...
18661	EB: i guess, involving yourself with these events? see what i mean?
18662	AG: Oh John, this should 8e so o8vious to you 8y now.
18663	AG: You are going to 8ecome a gr8 hero, that much is sure.
18664	AG: 8ut I want to 8e the one responsi8le for it!
18665	AG: And now I am pretty much guaranteed to 8e.
18666	AG: ::::)
18667	EB: ok, that...
18668	EB: SORT OF makes sense, i guess.
18669	EB: but it's kind of hurting my head to think about!
18670	AG: You don't have to think! Just leave the thinking to me.
18671	AG: All you have to do is dig deep down, find your hero powers, and get yourself out of this jam.
18672	AG: You can do it, John. 8e the hero!
18673	AG: Just like in one of your movies a8out sweaty, rugged adult human males.
18674	EB: ah HA!
18675	EB: so you did watch that video I sent.
18676	EB: what did you think?
18677	AG: It was ok.
18678	AG: I admit it was a little 8etter than I expected.
18679	EB: yessssssss, i knew it!
18680	AG: 8ut who cares! Let's not get sidetracked 8y films a8out wounded, muscular renegades.
18681	AG: 8y the way, John, have you ever considered growing your hair out?
18682	AG: I 8et it would look fa8ulous.
18683	EB: no, it would look so stupid!
18684	AG: I don't know a8out that!
18685	AG: I have an eye for fashion. 8 of them, in fact!
18686	EB: i thought you didn't want to get sidetracked!!!
18687	AG: Oh yeah. Whoops. ::::\
18688	EB: anyway, putting me to sleep and landing me in hot water is one thing...
18689	EB: but you sort of indirectly caused a MUCH BIGGER problem!
18690	EB: before i fell asleep, i was about to prototype something really ridiculous to make jack weaker.
18691	EB: i am pretty sure that it would have made jack lose both eyes, both arms, and give him silly blue hair, and possibly also make him be a girl?
18692	EB: he probably would have been pretty easy to beat!!!
18693	EB: but instead, it was prototyped by jade's first guardian dog lusus.
18694	EB: and now he is unstoppable!
18695	EB: and he becomes the one who is stirrin' up all that trouble in your session too!
18696	EB: i mean, it sounds like your intentions were good, but you probably didn't realize to what extent you were messing everything up!
18697	AG: Don't 8e a8surd, John.
18698	AG: Of course I realized that would happen.
18699	AG: It was pretty much the whole point, you goof!
18700	EB: what????????
18701	EB: vriska, why would you do that!
18702	AG: Jegus, calm down.
18703	EB: but!
18704	EB: no!
18705	EB: why should i calm down when you just said you deliberately sabotaged all of us?
18706	AG: Relaaaaaaaax.
18707	AG: Listen, John.
18708	AG: Regardless of what I did, he is already here.
18709	AG: I know this consequence will 8e hard for you to accept, 8ut whenever you feel angry or confused a8out it, just repeat this to yourself.
18710	AG: It should 8ecome your mantra!
18711	AG: He is already here.
18712	AG: Say it, John!
18713	EB: but what does that mean!
18714	AG: It means what it sounds like! He's already here!!!!!!!!
18715	AG: Here in our session, trying to hunt us down! Man, this should 8e elementary to you 8y now.
18716	AG: No matter what you or I or any of us did, Jack's here now. That's the reality!
18717	AG: And if I didn't stop you, it wouldn't have changed the reality for us here. We'd still 8e hiding on this rock, and he'd still 8e out there, sniffing around for us.
18718	AG: He wouldn't just disappear! That's not how this time stuff works.
18719	AG: All that REALLY would have happened is I would have allowed you to do something you weren't supposed to do!
18720	AG: You would have prototyped with your pretty 8lue doll, 8ecause of course deep down you know you are o8sessed with me.
18721	AG: And then you and all your friends would exist in a splintered timeline. And you wouldn't even 8e a8le to talk to me anymore! ::::(
18722	AG: And then you'd 8e doooooooomed.
18723	AG: I mean, more doomed than you are already. :::;)
18724	AG: Trust me, I am really smart. I have this all figured out.
18725	EB: i don't know if that makes sense!
18726	EB: i mean, it kind of does...
18727	EB: but something doesn't really add up about it.
18728	EB: if you knew he was going to be created regardless of what anyone did...
18729	EB: why did you decide to involve yourself that way?
18730	EB: like the way you are involving yourself with me becoming a hero or whatever?
18731	AG: You just answered your own question!
18732	AG: I did it 8ecause I wanted to 8e the one responsi8le for cre8ting him.
18733	EB: augh!
18734	EB: BUT WHYYYYYYYY!
18735	AG: 8ecause, John.
18736	AG: It only makes sense that I would be the one to cre8te him.
18737	AG: Since I am also going to 8e the one to kill him.
18738	EB: that is the dumbest thing i have ever heard.
18739	AG: Don't 8e that way.
18740	AG: Just 8ecause you have your whole reckoning ahead of you to kill Jack, and somehow fail, doesn't mean you have to 8e 8itter a8out it.
18741	EB: i am not bitter! i just think your plan is dumb.
18742	EB: if he is as strong as karkat says, he will probably kill you!
18743	AG: Karkat doesn't know nothing a8out anything.
18744	AG: He never really appreci8ted how powerful I 8ecame. No8ody did! I am easily the strongest troll 8y far.
18745	AG: I am also extremely lucky! That is one of my powers, John. 8eing super lucky, and making my foes super UNlucky. ::::)
18746	EB: er...
18747	EB: is luck actually a real thing?
18748	AG: Yes, and I've got all of it. I am completely untoucha8le.
18749	EB: you sound pretty cocky! you should be careful about that, that is totally how people have bigtime downfalls.
18750	EB: especially when they act kind of nefarious!!!
18751	AG: Nope, I don't have to 8e careful! Too lucky for caution to matter anymore. Them's the 8r8ks!
18752	AG: 8ut don't worry, once all is said and done in your session, and 8y some incredi8ly lucky 8r8k of your own you manage to survive the scratch, we might actually get the chance to meet.
18753	AG: And if so, assuming I haven't gotten too 8ored w8ting around and mopped the floor with Jack already, may8e we can take him down together!
18754	EB: wow, uh...
18755	EB: i am not sure who would make me more nervous, you or jack.
18756	AG: John, that's something a loser would say, come on.
18757	AG: You should have no reason to 8e scared of me.
18758	AG: 8y the time I am through with you, you should 8e even stronger than me.
18759	AG: This is the way it ought to 8e, I think. ::::D
18760	EB: you really think we will meet?
18761	AG: It is a distinct possi8ility.
18762	EB: so...
18763	EB: um, if we meet...
18764	EB: are you going to...
18765	EB: uh.
18766	AG: What?
18767	EB: like,
18768	EB: when you see me,
18769	AG: John, what the hell are you trying to say?
18770	EB: karkat said that...
18771	EB: you might...
18772	AG: Whaaaaaaaat????????
18773	EB: oh jeez, i dunno.
18774	EB: never mind.
18775	AG: You shouldn't listen to anything that loudmouth says.
18776	AG: He had his shot 8eing in charge, and failed misera8ly.
18777	AG: It's my turn now. Scratch that.
18778	AG: OUR turn.
18779	EB: bluhhhhhhhh.
18780	EB: if you say so.
18781	AG: Now quit whining and get yourself out of this mess.
18782	AG: Dig deep down inside that pink, nerdy little torso of yours, find your awesome hero mojo, and do what you're a8out to do.
18783	AG: I will talk to you again after you figure it out.
18784	AG: 8yyyyyyyye! <3
18785	EB: wait!
18786	EB: what am i about to doooooooo!
18787	EB: o.
18788	EB: there, that was a 9th o. you don't even deserve 8!!!!!!!!
18789	EB: whoops...
18790	Come on. You can't both yell and try to be polite at the same time. It's one or the other.
18791	The danger currently has John's full attention. What would you like him to do?
18792	John has no idea what the windy thing is. Maybe you could be more descriptive?
18793	He really has no idea.
18794	Better hurry! He's in big trouble here.
18795	John suddenly does the windy thing.
18796	AG: Fly, Pupa!!!!!!!!
18797	AG: Flyyyyyyyy!
18798	AG: Hahahahahahahaha!
18799	EB: oh, hey.
18800	EB: who's pupa?
18801	AG: No8ody, just some loser.
18802	AG: Look at that, you did it!
18803	EB: did what?
18804	EB: you mean, this windy thing here?
18805	"I slept and saw God's forge in frost. Its hearth was quelled, and as it cooled so swooned the verdancy it kept above. In slumber it grew a thick winter skin, white as bedsheets. In their folds the waker dreamt, her breath as steam, her touch as hot as iron, forgotten in the fire.
18806	Oh, that this too too solid flesh would melt, thaw and resolve itself into a dew!"
18807	-Acclaimed actor and sleeping prophet, Charles Dutton
18808	CC: Glub glub glub glub glub!
18809	GG: oh.............
18810	GG: noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
18811	CC: )(ey, take it easy!
18812	CC: I'm not )(ere to give you a )(ard time like my buddies )(ave been.
18813	GG: but youre a troll
18814	GG: and thats what trolls do!
18815	GG: even when they say they wont
18816	GG: sometimes especially!!!!!!
18817	CC: Ok t)(en, you can be t)(e judge of t)(at. I won't be long!
18818	CC: I've just come to say a couple t)(ings.
18819	CC: FIRST!
18820	CC: None of t)(is is really your fault!
18821	CC: T)(is is swimmingly obvious to everyone )(ere w)(o takes a glubbing moment to t)(ink about it rationally.
18822	CC: W)(ic)( isn't many of us! But still.
18823	GG: ok.....
18824	GG: even though i still have no idea what youre talking about
18825	CC: I mean, your lusus jumped rig)(t in t)(ere to save you!
18826	CC: Just like mine did.
18827	CC: Well ok, mine was dead at t)(e time. 38(
18828	CC: And s)(e just kind of...
18829	CC: F-ELL IN!
18830	CC: Kinda drifted down like fis)(food, and POW, GL'BGOLYBSPRIT-E.
18831	CC: )(e)(e)(e)(e)(e)(e)(. S)(e was so funny.
18832	GG: whats a lusus!!!!!
18833	CC: It's a big ol' monster custodian you grow up wit)(!
18834	CC: S)(-E-ES)(, )(ow freaking retarded do you )(ave to be not to know somet)(ing like t)(at?
18835	CC: I'm joking, of course. 38)
18836	GG: :\
18837	CC: I wanted to glub somet)(ing -ELS-E to you well before you started playing.
18838	CC: Just to get t)(e idea in your )(ead!
18839	CC: I am Feferi, by t)(e way. Abdicated empress to be!
18840	GG: ok feferi. what is it?
18841	CC: Soon I will go to sleep and speak to t)(e gods.
18842	CC: I will convince t)(em to establis)( a series of stable dream bubbles, w)(ere we can meet in our sleep!
18843	GG: i dont understand
18844	GG: whats a dream bubble?
18845	CC: YOU'LL S-E----------E! 38D
18846	GG: ugh
18847	GG: feferi i thought you said you were going to stop using your typing quirk!
18848	CC: Did I?
18849	CC: When??
18850	GG: i dont know... im sure i remember you said that
18851	CC: )(mm.
18852	CC: Jade, t)(is is t)(e first time we )(ave ever talked!
18853	CC: Isn't it???
18854	GG: oh
18855	GG: yeah it is
18856	GG: i dont know what i was thinking....
18857	GG: i just had a major case of deja vu!
18858	CC: W)(at's t)(at?
18859	GG: i felt like we already had this conversation
18860	GG: actually
18861	GG: it still sort of feels that way
18862	GG: its not going away :o
18863	CC: Well, maybe we did!
18864	CC: )(ey, by t)(e way.
18865	CC: W)(at exactly are you doing t)(ere wit)( t)(at toy?
18866	CC: You never did explain it to me!
18867	GG: ummm
18868	GG: what do you mean i never explained it to you?
18869	GG: if this really is the first time we talked, why would i have?
18870	CC: Good point.
18871	CC: Maybe I'm feeling it too.
18872	CC: I )(ave... w)(at was it? Orca vu?
18873	GG: XO
18874	GG: feferi that one was a stretch even by your fish punnery standards
18875	GG: aaah why do i know that you like to make fish puns???
18876	CC: 38?
18877	GG: actually
18878	GG: i do remember this conversation
18879	GG: it was in the past!
18880	GG: but if it was in the past, then where am i now?
18881	CC: In the future! Duh.
18882	GG: so what is going on?
18883	GG: i dont think i am asleep....
18884	GG: i am not on prospit
18885	CC: Yes, you are asleep. But your dream self died, just like mine, remember?
18886	GG: oh...
18887	GG: vaguely
18888	CC: Now you don't dream about Prospit. You have normal dreams!
18889	GG: so this is a dream?
18890	CC: It is a dream, and a memory. It is the past, brought back to life by a witch! It's all those things.
18891	CC: Although we are getting off the script here!
18892	CC: This is not how the conversation originally went, obviously.
18893	CC: You were a lot less patient with me! When I was just trying to ENCOURAGE you.
18894	GG: sorry
18895	GG: i think
18896	GG: i am in the game now, right?
18897	CC: Sure!
18898	CC: Hey, why don't you tell me about this cool robot bunny you we're making?
18899	CC: I've been pretty glubbing curious about it!
18900	CC: Mind if I take a look?
18901	GG: um
18902	CC: It's great!
18903	CC: Wish I could make something like this. Never had the gills for technology.
18904	CC: Hard to work with under water!
18905	GG: why are you here!
18906	GG: are you asleep too?
18907	CC: Nope!
18908	CC: I woke up from my nap a while ago.
18909	CC: Remember how I woke up and then messaged you? You had just had a bad dream!
18910	CC: And I told you there was nothing to be scared of.
18911	CC: Which there isn't!
18912	GG: oh yeah
18913	GG: i do remember that
18914	GG: then why are you here now?
18915	CC: Because, stupid.
18916	CC: I'M D------EAD!
18917	You have got to stop falling asleep.
18918	You de-bed.
18919	The snow is quite deep.
18920	You would like to report to John, but it seems you have misplaced your laptop!
18921	That's right. It was in the atrium when you got slapped with that stupid blindfold and all hell broke loose.
18922	You hope it's ok! It was your favorite computer, AND your favorite lunchbox.
18923	Huh?
18924	You don't see anything.
18925	Someone out there is messing with you. Good thing grandpa taught you never to leave home without your rifle, even by accident.
18926	Good dog.
18927	Best friend.
18928	You finally hop off the lowly GREENTIKE rung and secure your position on the somewhat respectable KIDDO ECLIPSE rung.
18929	You have a lot of climbing ahead of you.
18930	JADE: thanks bec, good boy!
18931	JADE: soooooo...
18932	JADE: can you talk now?
18933	JADE: what do you have to say?
18934	BECSPRITE:
18935	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/becspeak.gif" border="0" /><.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/becspeak.gif" border="0" /><.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/becspeak.gif" border="0" /><.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/becspeak.gif" border="0" />
18936	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/becspeak.gif" border="0" />
18937	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/becspeak.gif" border="0" /><.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/becspeak.gif" border="0" /><.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/becspeak.gif" border="0" />
18938	You think you will try to keep conversations with Becsprite to a minimum from now on.
18939	Hello.
18940	You have extraordinarily bad timing. Her guardian will not be pleased with your intrusion.
18941	Yes, you do.
18942	You might want to step away from the computer.
18943	You have no idea how to rule. What orders could there possibly be to give anyway?
18944	All you want to do is deliver mail. You do not want to be the stupid queen. And you do not want to wear this stupid mailbox crown.
18945	THIS IS STUPID.
18946	Your new ruler seems upset. You understand it is not easy being in a position of authority.
18947	You politely inform her that as the queen she is under no obligation to wear a crown. It is her decision.
18948	She should understand that a queen is the sum of her decisions, not her fashion accessories. And no queen makes decisions alone. All wise rulers surround themselves with trusted advisors.
18949	The new queen should understand she has friends to help her.
18950	You make your first decision as the new Prospitian Monarch.
18951	The Questant receives the new ROYAL INSIGNIA.
18952	You return to the GRAND FOYER. It's a bit less cluttered than you remember it being.
18953	JADE: what happened in here?
18954	JADE: where is everything? all the globes and houseguests...
18955	JADE: and the cruxtruder???
18956	JADE: and grandpa???????????
18957	JADE: bec, what did you do!
18958	JADE: has someone been a bad dog??
18959	JADE: wait never mind, please dont answer that!!!!
18960	JADE: @_@
18961	You return to find your beautiful atrium in ruins. And to make things worse, your alchemiter and totem lathe were destroyed as well.
18962	On the bright side, it looks like your LUNCHTOP was undamaged.
18963	You have been dying to get back to your computer so you can touch base with John again. He has probably been going crazy wondering about you.
18964	But it seems someone else is messaging you right now.
18965	TG: hey
18966	TG: welcome to the medium finally i guess
18967	GG: hey!!!!!
18968	GG: last time i talked to you i was asking for help and you were just nakking at me
18969	GG: what was up with that bro???
18970	TG: ok i dont know what youre talking about it was probably just some horrorterror chirping at you during one of your nap bubble mindfucks
18971	TG: its not the point i just wanted to say
18972	TG: i just saw you
18973	GG: you did?
18974	TG: yeah
18975	TG: you appeared for a second
18976	TG: shooting at an imp
18977	TG: then you disappeared
18978	GG: ohhhhhhh
18979	GG: yes, i did get around during that battle didnt i?
18980	GG: it was really intense!!!
18981	GG: those stupid things are impossible to kill :(
18982	TG: no you can kill them
18983	TG: youll get better dont worry
18984	GG: in the heat of the fray i didnt notice you!
18985	GG: where were you?
18986	TG: three places
18987	TG: i remember seeing you twice before in different locations
18988	TG: but at the moment im standing in the middle of this snowy goddamn field freezing my shit off
18989	TG: just wanted to see if you were cool
18990	GG: yeah im fine, thanks for asking!
18991	GG: what do you mean you remember seeing me?
18992	GG: was i jumping through time or something?
18993	TG: no i was
18994	TG: this is future me
18995	TG: one of the future mes that is
18996	GG: youre from the future?
18997	TG: yeah jade thats what future me means
18998	GG: :p
18999	GG: john told me you have been doing some time traveling
19000	TG: yeah
19001	GG: that is.....
19002	GG: really really awesome!
19003	TG: its ok
19004	TG: hey its pretty fucking cold
19005	GG: i knoooooow
19006	GG: it is a really neat place but its freeeeezing :o
19007	TG: so im gonna go some place warm be back in a while later
19008	GG: wait!
19009	GG: dave!!
19010	GG: uuugh stupid lousy cool dudes
19011	TG: ok im back
19012	TG: an hour later
19013	GG: an hour?
19014	TG: an hour for me
19015	TG: a second for you
19016	TG: i ran around for an hour got my ass some place warm
19017	TG: went back in time
19018	TG: picked up where we left off
19019	GG: :O
19020	GG: i can not believe how cool that is
19021	GG: this is me believing neither that, nor its coolness :O
19022	TG: yeah
19023	TG: i guess im sorta used to it by now i dont think of hours going by the same way anymore
19024	TG: i mean
19025	TG: they are my hours but not everyone elses theyre kind of like private hours all to myself
19026	TG: while everyone else is sort of in slow motion stuck in the thick of the alpha
19027	GG: hmmmm...
19028	GG: i dont know if i get that but ok!
19029	TG: well yeah
19030	TG: my thing is time yours is space
19031	TG: pretty different things
19032	TG: you GET things about space i dont
19033	TG: or you will
19034	GG: i will?
19035	TG: yup
19036	GG: ok........
19037	GG: but anyway youre right, its coooold!!!!!!
19038	GG: i have to go back inside
19039	GG: i wish i had winter clothes
19040	GG: and if i did, i ALSO wish that my wardrobifier didnt blow up with all of my beautiful clothes inside it :C
19041	GG: im so horribly unprepared for this.... i have never even seen snow before, can you believe that!!!
19042	TG: pretty believable since you lived on guam or wherever the fuck
19043	TG: and also inside an active volcano
19044	GG: derp yes dave that is so where i lived
19045	GG: that is as biographically accurate as it gets about me!
19046	TG: well ive never seen it either now that i think about it
19047	GG: no???
19048	TG: no
19049	GG: isnt it great?????
19050	TG: nah
19051	TG: lavas better
19052	GG: lava is NOT better than snow :|
19053	TG: yeah it is lava and skeletal skyscrapers all melting and shit how is that not way cooler than
19054	TG: snow and
19055	TG: like
19056	TG: more snow
19057	GG: you cant play in lava, its no fun
19058	GG: you can only die in lava
19059	TG: snows a big chilly carpet of nobody gives a shit
19060	TG: like old man winter spread around his nasty mayonnaise and turned the landscape into his personal asshole sandwich
19061	GG: eww dave no
19062	TG: when i look around all i see is the miles of unharnessed snowmen im just too damn cool to build
19063	GG: no this is so lame
19064	GG: i am hearing an insane and stupid guy say stupid idiot things while wearing dumb sunglasses for lame morons!
19065	TG: whoa jade with the fucking haymaker
19066	TG: i need to go look for my teeth on the canvas as soon as shit stops spinning and there stops being like ten of you
19067	GG: heheheh
19068	GG: why dont we play in the snow later
19069	GG: as soon as you get some....................................
19070	TG: time
19071	GG: ..............................
19072	TG: time
19073	GG: ...................
19074	TG: time then shades
19075	GG: ..........
19076	TG: time
19077	GG: ...............
19078	TG: time/shades lets go
19079	GG: .......
19080	GG: ....
19081	GG: ...
19082	TG: oh my fucking god
19083	GG: ..
19084	GG: .
19085	GG: time 8)
19086	TG: im not gonna play in the snow
19087	TG: maybe you missed those credentials i flashed which clearly stated me being too cool for that
19088	TG: like federally too cool
19089	TG: my coolness is named after a dead president plus his middle initial to make it sound extra legit
19090	GG: i know youre joking around, you are not too cool at all, you dont even think that
19091	TG: ok
19092	GG: brrrrrr
19093	TG: i thought you were going inside
19094	GG: i forgot :\
19095	TG: well at least make some damn clothes
19096	TG: something warmer why dont you alchemize some shit
19097	GG: i cant!!!
19098	GG: all that stuff blew up
19099	TG: blew up
19100	GG: its a long story that involves a pinata and a gun and a very naughty doggie
19101	TG: i completely understand everything about that practically entirely
19102	GG: so anyway, that reminds me ive got to talk to john!
19103	GG: ive got to get him to make me some new gizmos...
19104	GG: assuming thats even possible
19105	TG: no dont bother john
19106	TG: hes on like his fuckin
19107	TG: wind mission or whatever
19108	TG: getting all his ridiculous magic cyclone powers on and realizing his huge blowy destiny
19109	TG: as the chump of shoosh
19110	GG: john has magic cyclone powers?
19111	TG: almost
19112	GG: whoa....
19113	GG: you guys are all so much better than me, i feel sooooo lame
19114	TG: we all start out somewhere
19115	TG: remember how i was scrambling up that tower to get that egg like an idiot
19116	TG: what the hell was i doing
19117	TG: i was like goddamn pooh bear in a tree reaching up his fat fuckin pooh paw for some mother fuckin honey
19118	GG: heehee
19119	TG: so even though im awesome now at one point i was plausibly likened to an autistic stuffed animal
19120	TG: and you even knew what to do
19121	TG: you told me how it worked all christopher robinning my ignorant ass about that egg
19122	TG: but i was all like IM A LITTLE BLACK RAIN CLOUD BITCH WATCH ME CLIMB
19123	TG: so maybe youre startin out with more sense than me
19124	GG: maaaybe
19125	GG: :)
19126	TG: in any case egbert lost his computer and game disc
19127	TG: so he cant do anything for you anyways
19128	GG: oh no
19129	GG: did he lose it in a magic cyclone?
19130	TG: probably some shit like thats what happened
19131	TG: but youre not completely screwed
19132	TG: we just have to think outside the box here
19133	GG: we do?
19134	TG: yeah honestly i figured wed have to do something like this
19135	TG: so i guess here we are doing it
19136	GG: doing what??
19137	TG: well youre my server player remember
19138	GG: yes
19139	TG: i need you to deploy something first
19140	TG: in my apartment
19141	TG: in a few hours ill go back there and we can continue this
19142	GG: oh jeez, a few hours????
19143	TG: yeah
19144	TG: as in a few seconds
19145	TG: im back at my place now
19146	GG: fastest hours :o
19147	TG: yeah
19148	TG: now
19149	TG: deploy the intellibeam laserstation
19150	GG: but that costs so much grist!!!
19151	TG: no it costs practically nothing
19152	TG: check out how much ive got
19153	GG: omg...
19154	GG: what does this thing do?
19155	TG: its mostly pretty stupid and useless
19156	TG: but itll come in handy here
19157	TG: it reads captcha codes
19158	GG: on the back of cards?
19159	TG: yeah
19160	GG: but
19161	GG: we can already read those!
19162	TG: some are too garbled and complicated
19163	TG: the human eye cant decipher them
19164	TG: needs sophisticated scanning technology
19165	TG: and artificial intelligence to figure it out
19166	GG: hmm
19167	GG: but isnt the whole point of captchas that only humans can read them?
19168	GG: and not robots???
19169	TG: yeah well
19170	TG: thats why this is so dumb
19171	TG: i guess some captchas are so incomprehensible cause the game thinks it would be too cheap to let you duplicate them
19172	TG: like an anti piracy measure
19173	TG: so the solution to the anti piracy measure is to override the anti spam measure
19174	GG: anti spam?
19175	TG: well yeah thats what captchas are for
19176	TG: and theyre on the back of cards for a really good reason
19177	TG: cause god knows the last thing youd want was some web bot being able to figure out the code for like
19178	TG: a potted plant
19179	TG: that would be fucking mayhem
19180	GG: yeah obviously!
19181	TG: but in order to effectively cheat here weve got to open pandoras spam box
19182	TG: and release the laserstation into the world with its leering intellibeam
19183	TG: now no captcha is safe youll have bots signing up for email accounts and duplicating potted plants and shit
19184	GG: oh nooo
19185	TG: basically robots are in control now
19186	TG: which is good news and bad news
19187	TG: the bad news is theyre all pornbots and theyve got LOADS of provocative material theyre just dying to share with us
19188	GG: whats the good news?
19189	TG: thats also the good news
19190	GG: dave i still dont know what youre actually doing here
19191	TG: whats it look like
19192	TG: im duplicating my server disc
19193	GG: oh....
19194	GG: to give it to john?
19195	TG: nah i told you were not bothering john
19196	TG: hes got shit to do
19197	TG: ill just install it
19198	GG: but...
19199	GG: you are already roses server player!
19200	GG: and john is mine!
19201	GG: not to mention im yours!!!
19202	GG: can you really be a server player to your own server player?
19203	TG: dont see why not
19204	TG: we have to get creative here
19205	TG: this games already so far off the rails what else is there to do but improvise
19206	GG: but i guess
19207	GG: i thought that john sort of.....
19208	GG: HAD to be my server? you know?
19209	TG: well he was
19210	TG: he got you in didnt he
19211	TG: but now hes not
19212	TG: been a change of plans
19213	TG: time to roll with it
19214	GG: well youre from the future right?
19215	GG: dont you know already if itll work?
19216	TG: yeah more or less
19217	TG: i never really studied how it went down all that closely
19218	TG: i just figured when the time came to sort it out the right thing to do would be obvious
19219	TG: like it is now
19220	TG: managing the loops is a balance of careful planning and just rolling with your in the moment decisions
19221	TG: and trusting they were the ones you were always supposed to make
19222	TG: by now im pretty used to having my intuition woven into the fabric of the alpha timeline
19223	GG: pretty smooth dave
19224	TG: yeah i know
19225	GG: shades for everybody
19226	GG: 8) 8)
19227	TG: thisll be the disc i use for your connection
19228	TG: while the original will stay bound to roses connection
19229	GG: so you will be the server for BOTH us ladies???
19230	GG: you just keep getting smoother, i cant handle all this smoothness
19231	TG: well technically
19232	TG: i will be your server
19233	TG: and past me will stay as roses server
19234	TG: which is to say present me will
19235	TG: the one in the black suit
19236	GG: ohh...
19237	GG: i guess that makes sense
19238	TG: he can keep managing her for a while
19239	TG: until she sorta checks out soon and becomes totally useless
19240	TG: then he can start hopping around time like i did
19241	TG: make a ton of money and stuff
19242	TG: eventually become me
19243	TG: and become your server player
19244	GG: ok i think i understand that!
19245	TG: yeah see its not hard to get the hang of
19246	TG: in the meantime ill kind of loiter around this timeframe to help you out for a while
19247	GG: yessss thanks dave <3
19248	GG: um
19249	GG: what do you mean rose will check out? :\
19250	TG: dont worry about it just some more future stuff
19251	TG: now i need you to go downstairs
19252	GG: uhhhh ok
19253	TG: im just going to cut right to the chase and upgrade your alchemiter so you can avoid a lot of bullshit
19254	TG: ill give you some codes and you can punch cards and slip em into jumper blocks
19255	TG: which are really the exact same codes you first gave me when we upgraded my alchemiter
19256	TG: which seems like a hella long time ago
19257	GG: it does doesnt it
19258	TG: yeah but it kind of literally is for me
19259	GG: how long?
19260	TG: few days i guess
19261	GG: ok thats not THAT long :p
19262	TG: whatever
19263	GG: yaaaaaaaaaaaay!
19264	Hey, calm down! Just because it's snowing outside doesn't mean it's Christmas just yet.
19265	There are still plenty of things to do before we bother with that sort of nonsense. Take a deep breath, put the cards down, and relax.
19266	You already woke up when Jade fired her rifle a foot and a half from your eardrum, and then disappeared.
19267	This idiot here is nakking it up with your ISHADES. Someone is pestering you directly into his brainless reptilian face.
19268	STEP OFF.
19269	...
19270	You decide he can keep the SORD..... though.
19271	TT: Hi there.
19272	TG: nak nak nak
19273	TT: Don't mind me.
19274	TT: I'm just waiting for that guy on the pile of sharp objects to wake up.
19275	TG: THE GLASSES ARE TALKING AGAIN
19276	TG: naknaknaknaknaknaknaknaknaknaknaknaknaknak
19277	TT: If you don't stop nakking, I will turn you into a thorn bush.
19278	TG: :V
19279	TG: :(
19280	TG: hey
19281	TG: what just happened
19282	TT: You fell asleep.
19283	TT: Orange Bird Dave killed some monsters and flew away.
19284	TT: Jade fired a bullet at an imp and vanished.
19285	TT: And you woke up.
19286	TG: oh yeah
19287	TG: so shes here then
19288	TT: Yes.
19289	TG: is she ok what was going on there
19290	TT: Yes, she's fine.
19291	TG: i guess i should catch up with her
19292	TT: You already are.
19293	TG: i am
19294	TT: Future you is.
19295	TG: oh ok time travels involved
19296	TG: thats all you needed to say everythings cool and under control then
19297	TT: How was the nap?
19298	TG: weird
19299	TG: and kind of boring
19300	TG: i was in your dream room for a while spying on you
19301	TG: being all creepy and dream duplicitous and shit
19302	TT: It's ok.
19303	TT: I was being similarly wake duplicitous.
19304	TG: whats with your book collection
19305	TG: or
19306	TG: dream book collection
19307	TG: all your books are bizarre and terrible
19308	TT: No, my books are great.
19309	TT: I can recommend some good titles for the next time you're asleep.
19310	TG: nah
19311	TG: but yeah i understand defending your collection i guess if you were in my dream room and talking shit about my awesome dream portraits of dream stiller and dream snoop or whatever wed have to have a fucking talk
19312	TT: Did you do anything on the moon besides rifle through my belongings?
19313	TT: Such as remove your shades and turn your gaze Ringward, by any chance?
19314	TG: oh
19315	TG: yeah
19316	TG: i did
19317	TT: What did you see?
19318	TG: horrible things
19319	TT: Horribleterrible?
19320	TG: yeah
19321	TG: it was like
19322	TG: peering through the dark portal of an eldritch red lobster
19323	TG: and scoping out its all you can eat seafood buffet
19324	TG: and
19325	TG: when i saw them
19326	TG: their voices became clearer
19327	TT: What were they saying?
19328	TG: i couldnt really focus on anything specific
19329	TG: but
19330	TG: in totality
19331	TG: im pretty sure it was
19332	TG: like
19333	TT: ?
19334	TG: a plea for help
19335	TT: That's good.
19336	TG: no it was disturbing
19337	TG: so i slapped my shades back on
19338	TG: went and perved up some sleeping girls room to take my mind of it
19339	TT: It means they're reaching out to you.
19340	TG: oh god why would i want that
19341	TG: im not about to get molested by calamari with fucking teeth
19342	TG: use your powers and like
19343	TG: stroke a mummys paw or some horseshit and open a dark channel
19344	TG: tell them to keep their lecherous flagella to themselves
19345	TT: You're going to have to help them.
19346	TT: Even if you don't like them.
19347	TT: They're being massacred.
19348	TT: Presently, already, and still to come.
19349	TG: whats that mean
19350	TT: It means time doesn't work rationally out there.
19351	TT: Nor does space.
19352	TT: But that doesn't change the reality of the threat.
19353	TG: who cares if theyre getting killed
19354	TG: theyre hideous and obnoxious
19355	TT: You're underestimating the nature of the threat.
19356	TT: At this point, the threat isn't to our session, or any given universe.
19357	TT: It's to the perpetuation of reality itself.
19358	TT: You wouldn't be saving them, per se.
19359	TT: You'd be saving everything.
19360	TG: oh ok cool
19361	TT: They've revealed some of their secrets to me already, and given me a few errands to run.
19362	TT: This is why you might have observed some unusual behavior from me.
19363	TG: oh shit youre kidding
19364	TG: no really are you serious i didnt even notice
19365	TG: fuck mind = blown
19366	TT: Once these convulsions of explosive laughter subside and finish rocking my very foundation,
19367	TT: I might point out that you haven't really been as astute as you're implying.
19368	TT: You've deliberately fogged your vision your entire life with ironic eyewear while awake, and while asleep, though perfectly alert, you've chosen to ignore your surroundings.
19369	TT: But now that you've seen them, you have a choice to make.
19370	TG: ok
19371	TT: They will only tell me so much.
19372	TT: They would like an audience with the prince of the moon as well.
19373	TT: We are like the emissaries to what lies beyond this small bubble in their unfathomable dark foam.
19374	TT: Derse skirts its edge, and during the lunar eclipse, we graze it, and that's when their intent for us becomes clear.
19375	TT: I'm doing my part, but they have a mission for you as well.
19376	TG: what am i supposed to do
19377	TT: Listen to them.
19378	TT: My understanding is,
19379	TT: They will teach you how to navigate the unnavigable.
19380	TT: The result should be a map.
19381	TG: like
19382	TG: a treasure map
19383	TT: No.
19384	TT: Something a little more astronomical.
19385	TT: Like a star chart with no stars.
19386	TT: Hence the challenge.
19387	TG: why
19388	TT: To plot a course through the Furthest Ring.
19389	TG: plot a course to what
19390	TT: The power source of the first guardians.
19391	TG: oh right the green sun ok
19392	TG: wait sorry
19393	TG: i mean the <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/greensun.gif" border="0" /> my bad
19394	TT: Yes, that's much better.
19395	TG: whats the deal with this thing
19396	TG: i mean aside from giving jades dog his devil powers
19397	TG: and by extension i guess jack
19398	TT: What's the deal with it?
19399	TG: yeah
19400	TT: I don't know that there is a deal with it.
19401	TT: Beyond the deal you just described.
19402	TT: It is what it sounds like.
19403	TT: A huge sun out in the literal middle of nowhere, and it is bright green.
19404	TT: It is simply,
19405	TT: The <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/greensun.gif" border="0" />.
19406	TG: how big
19407	TG: i need a sense of scale here
19408	TG: is it like the size of our sun
19409	TG: or bigger
19410	TG: or is it only as big as like
19411	TG: planet fucking jupiter
19412	TT: It is nearly twice the mass of our universe.
19413	TG: ok thats pretty fucking big
19414	TG: see how important that contextualization was now i know how fucking impressed i should be
19415	TG: i mean hopy shit thats huge
19416	TT: Happy I could help.
19417	TG: so ok i make a map to this thing
19418	TG: with the help of a million rambunctious gross tentacle mutants
19419	TG: and then i guess we go there for some reason
19420	TT: Yes.
19421	TG: why do we need a map
19422	TG: cant they just
19423	TG: tell us what direction its in
19424	TG: point a spaceship that way
19425	TG: blast off to adventure
19426	TT: No.
19427	TT: The geometry of the Furthest Ring is too complex.
19428	TT: Remember, its spacetime is labyrinthine.
19429	TT: In fact, it's not really accurate to call it spacetime at all.
19430	TT: Since it is outside the domain of any created universe, where those properties have become instantiated and stabilized.
19431	TG: i can kind of get that time is messed up there
19432	TG: with like loops and causality paradoxes and shit like that
19433	TG: being the knight of time here
19434	TG: not really sure why navigating the space would be a problem though
19435	TG: space isnt my thing remember
19436	TG: what is it like
19437	TG: full of wormholes or something
19438	TT: It depends.
19439	TT: The greater the distance you travel through it, the less reliably time flows.
19440	TT: And the more time you spend in it, the less reliably space behaves.
19441	TT: Time and space aren't as different as you might think.
19442	TG: i thought you werent supposed to know shit about either
19443	TG: seeing as youre the seer whatever that means
19444	TT: I think it means I'm supposed to know shit about the big picture.
19445	TT: Which includes tidbits like that.
19446	TT: But the insides of my shoes stay free from the grit of the minutia.
19447	TG: fair enough
19448	TG: so i take my map and fly to this thing
19449	TT: No, I do.
19450	TG: ok you fly to it
19451	TG: then what
19452	TT: That depends on if John is successful.
19453	TG: you mean with the quest youre sending him on
19454	TT: Yes.
19455	TG: is there anything you do thats not sending dudes on quests
19456	TT: Nothing whatsoever.
19457	TG: so hes got to get the cancer out of skaia right
19458	TT: Yes, The Tumor.
19459	TG: yeah
19460	TG: so whats The Tumor do
19461	TG: i mean the tumor
19462	TG: jesus can we stop with the fancy colored text bullshit
19463	TT: I guess so.
19464	TT: I thought it was more fun that way.
19465	TG: well ok you can keep doing it then
19466	TT: Thanks.
19467	TT: The Tumor is quite a large growth at the center of the battlefield.
19468	TT: He won't be able to remove it without fully realizing his abilities.
19469	TG: ok cool what is it
19470	TT: Can you promise you won't tell him?
19471	TT: It would probably make him more nervous than he needs to be if he knew.
19472	TG: ok i wont say anything
19473	TG: just tell me
19474	TT: It's a bomb.
19475	TT: It is set to detonate precisely when the reckoning ends.
19476	TT: This is how long we have to put this plan into motion.
19477	TG: what the hell is a bomb doing in there
19478	TT: It could be a feature of any session not meant to bear fruit.
19479	TT: A means to wipe out a null session rather than leaving it lingering in paradox space for eternity.
19480	TT: Or it could be a mutation specific to our session.
19481	TT: I really don't know.
19482	TG: first time for everything i guess
19483	TG: seriously whered you get all this info
19484	TG: did you get it all from the gods
19485	TG: are these just a bunch of orders youre following
19486	TT: Not exactly.
19487	TT: They've urged me in certain directions and guided my exploration.
19488	TT: I've obtained some answers from them, but ultimately, this idea is mine.
19489	TT: Plus, I have other sources.
19490	TT: One in particular has been quite illuminating.
19491	TG: what
19492	TT: I've been referring to him as an informant, when people ask.
19493	TT: Which isn't often.
19494	TG: what you mean a troll
19495	TT: No.
19496	TT: It's a man who exists in another universe.
19497	TT: He wants to die.
19498	TG: sounds like a really credible dude sign me up for trusting everything he says
19499	TT: Only as credible as the omniscient tend to be.
19500	TG: oh so he knows everything
19501	TT: Yeah, I think that's what omniscient means.
19502	TT: But maybe I'll ask him about that, since he's the omniscient one.
19503	TG: even if he is omniscient which he probably isnt what if hes just lying
19504	TT: He says he doesn't lie.
19505	TT: For some reason, I believe him about that.
19506	TT: He's a convincing fellow.
19507	TG: whys he want to die
19508	TT: He no longer has a purpose now that he's done everything required to summon his master.
19509	TT: As a first guardian, he's completely indestructible.
19510	TT: Well, almost completely.
19511	TG: wait
19512	TG: what
19513	TT: His power is derived from the same source as Earth's guardian.
19514	TT: And conveniently, that of our nemesis as well.
19515	TG: ok i get it now
19516	TT: When John delivers the tumor,
19517	TT: And I do mean The Tumor,
19518	TT: I and I alone will navigate the Furthest Ring.
19519	TT: And I will destroy the sun.
19520	TT: By which I do mean the <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/greenmotherfuckingsun.gif" border="0" />.
19521	TT: And in case it wasn't clear,
19522	TT: I won't be coming back.
19523	TG: whoa fuck
19524	TG: a suicide mission are you serious
19525	TG: no bullshit thats not happening
19526	TG: hey look suddenly everything we just talked about was useless because its time to make a plan that doesnt fucking suck
19527	TT: Let's not be so dramatic.
19528	TT: I was talking about my dream self.
19529	TT: She's the one who won't be returning.
19530	TG: oh
19531	TG: haha yeah thats fine i guess
19532	TG: those fuckers are all kinds of mad expendable
19533	TG: way to leave me hanging there
19534	TG: for someone whos saying lets cool it on the drama the whole i wont be coming back thing is a pretty theatrical bombshell
19535	TG: for future reference
19536	TT: That's true.
19537	TT: Your outburst was pretty sweet though.
19538	TG: yeah i know
19539	TG: so when do i do my thing
19540	TG: make this map
19541	TG: which i guess is just like
19542	TG: a solid black piece of paper
19543	TG: this is going to be fucking stupid isnt it
19544	TT: If there's one thing you have more than any of us, it's time.
19545	TT: So, whenever you like.
19546	TT: As long as conventionally speaking, it's quite soon.
19547	TG: alright
19548	TG: so
19549	TG: dog it as long as possible
19550	TG: then travel back to about now and go to sleep
19551	TT: Sure.
19552	TT: And if you have trouble going to sleep, maybe you can ask your patron troll to trick the telepathic one into putting you to sleep again.
19553	TG: what
19554	TT: Each of us seems to have a troll infatuated with helping us. Haven't you noticed?
19555	TG: no
19556	TT: What about the psychopath who's currently helping you?
19557	TG: oh yeah terezi
19558	TG: no shes cool
19559	TT: Isn't that camaraderie blossoming into some sort of interspecies whatever?
19560	TG: its blossoming into an interspecies partnership in incredibly shitty cartooning
19561	TG: what do you mean get her to trick someone into putting me asleep again
19562	TG: when did that happen
19563	TT: Just now.
19564	TG: who did that
19565	TT: That would be John's patron troll.
19566	TG: god
19567	TG: fuckin trolls
19568	TG: too many of them who can even keep track of this shit
19569	TG: which ones yours
19570	TG: is it the absurd juggalo one that would be hilarious
19571	TT: There's a juggalo one?
19572	TG: yeah see what i mean
19573	TT: She's contacting me now actually.
19574	TG: oh ok
19575	TG: well im suddenly not interested so go talk to your fairy god troll
19576	TG: ill be over here paving the way for your elaborate dream suicide
19577	TG: when i feel like getting around to it i mean
19578	TT: Thanks.
19579	TG: later
19580	GA: Since The Gap Between Your Present Moment And The Implementation Of Your Mystifying Self Destruction Continues To Narrow
19581	GA: This Will Be The Last Conversation In Which I Attempt To Talk You Out Of It Nicely
19582	TT: I explained this.
19583	TT: The intent isn't true self sacrifice.
19584	GA: First Of All Youre Underestimating The Gravity Of A Dream Death
19585	GA: Its A Pretty Serious Thing Okay
19586	GA: And Dream Selves Are Important To A Person In Ways That Arent Always Obvious
19587	GA: I Think Youre Being Frivolous But Thats Not Really The Sentiment Reinforcing The Exoskeleton Of My Argument
19588	GA: Soon You Will Be Blacked Out Of Trollians Viewport
19589	GA: And I Have No Explanation For This
19590	GA: And Neither Do You
19591	GA: So Ill Just Assume The Worst And You Should Too
19592	TT: Are you sure it's not because I'm sleeping?
19593	GA: Ive Seen You Sleep Before
19594	GA: You Are Just
19595	GA: Asleep
19596	GA: On Screen
19597	GA: Peaceful And Harmless And Posing No Threat To Anyone
19598	GA: Unless I Guess You Are Up To Mischief In Your Dreams Which I Cannot Rule Out
19599	GA: Actually Thats Probably What You Do In Your Sleep What Was I Thinking
19600	TT: Shh...
19601	GA: Uh
19602	GA: What
19603	TT: Blah blah blah!
19604	GA: Right Sorry
19605	GA: Im Saying This Is A Special Case
19606	GA: It Is Foreboding And Disconcerting And You Are Being Reckless
19607	TT: You're right, I can't explain why I go dark on your monitor.
19608	TT: But I'm confident in my plan. I have it under control.
19609	GA: Your Hubris Is Really Astonishing
19610	GA: Easily Twice The Mass Of A Universe I Think
19611	GA: That It Hasnt Collapsed Upon Itself Into A Tiny Lavender Singularity Is The Most Striking Marvel Paradox Space Has Coughed Up Yet
19612	TT: Maybe it did?
19613	TT: Maybe that's what went wrong.
19614	TT: We figured it out!
19615	GA: No Please Stop
19616	GA: Humor Wont Deflect My Really Big And Important Tirade Okay
19617	GA: You Are Investing Too Much Confidence In Evil Gods Who Oppose Skaia And Your True Purpose And
19618	GA: I Cant Abide That
19619	GA: And
19620	GA: As Difficult As This Is For Me To Confess
19621	GA: I Think Your Plan Is Very Dangerous
19622	GA: And So Are You
19623	TT: Oh?
19624	GA: Yes
19625	GA: And
19626	GA: Im Afraid I Am Going To Have To Devote All My Efforts To Stopping You
19627	TT: I'm sorry to hear that, Kanaya.
19628	TT: What did you have in mind for this new and exciting adversarial phase of our relationship?
19629	GA: Im So Glad You Asked
19630	GA: You See
19631	GA: I Have Been Training A Powerful Wizard
19632	TT: !
19633	GA: Yes Your Shout Pole Is Like A Tower Broadcasting Your Fear Across The Ring And You Are Right To Be Afraid
19634	GA: I Have Commissioned None Other Than The Legendary Prince Of Hope And I Am Teaching Him The Ways Of White Sorcery
19635	GA: I Have Observed Your Methods And You Will Come To The Most Unwelcome Realization That All Of Your Guile And Cunning Has Finally Backfired
19636	GA: This Noble Magician Of Pure Light Will Serve As The Counterpoint To Your Arcane Debauchery
19637	GA: He Will Hunt You Down And Goodness And Hope Will Prevail
19638	TT: Is it too late to throw myself at your mercy?
19639	GA: Yes Its Much Too Late For That
19640	TT: I see.
19641	TT: Then clearly I will have to prepare for this soul sundering duel, whilst making my own funeral arrangements.
19642	GA: Oh Yes I Do Believe Securing A Corpse Box Would Be Prudent
19643	GA: Fitted To Dimensions Suited To Your Myriad Of Unassembled Leaky Body Parts In Aggregate
19644	TT: What will herald the arrival of this swift and righteous thaumaturge?
19645	TT: Will I be blinded by the fearsome lashes of light ribboning from the incandescent coastline of his beauteous aura?
19646	TT: Should I borrow my friend's sunglasses?
19647	GA: Yes Definitely
19648	GA: Definitely Do That
19649	GA: Wait I Hope That Wasnt Too Emphatic
19650	GA: Maybe At This Point I Should Clarify This Is All A Big Joke
19651	TT: Yeah.
19652	TT: I was getting that.
19653	TT: You don't always have to tip your hand, Kanaya. You were doing well.
19654	GA: I Was
19655	TT: Mm-hm.
19656	GA: Okay Great
19657	GA: I Think What I Find Most Challenging About Human Insincerity Based Humor Is The Degree Of Commitment To The Fantasy Which Is Apparently Requisite
19658	TT: We take it very seriously.
19659	GA: I Mean To Say
19660	GA: The Gesture Of Hostility In This Case Was The Joke
19661	GA: I Did In Fact "Train" This Character
19662	GA: I Made Him A Wand To Shut Him Up
19663	TT: Wait, you did? Really?
19664	GA: He Wouldnt Stop Harassing Me For Your "Secrets"
19665	TT: That's incredible. Well done.
19666	GA: Hes The One With The Royalty Complex And Speaks With All The Extra Vees And Doubleyous
19667	TT: Oh, I knew exactly who you were talking about from the start.
19668	GA: Okay
19669	TT: I must say, this little project pleases me.
19670	TT: Do keep me apprised of all further developments.
19671	GA: Okay I Will
19672	TT: At least until my looming grimdarkdeath steals me away.
19673	GA: Uh
19674	GA: Yeah That
19675	GA: Is Still Something That I Dont Really Want To Joke About
19676	GA: I Hope That Came Across As A Sincere Statement
19677	AT: hEEEY, jADE,
19678	GG: oh hi!
19679	GG: i remember you, you talked to me a lot in my dreams
19680	AT: yEAH, bUT NOW i'M TALKING TO YOU BEING AWAKE,
19681	AT: bECAUSE,
19682	AT: yOUR ROBOT CAN'T TYPE,
19683	AT: bECAUSE IT HAD AN EXPLOSION,
19684	GG: yup!
19685	GG: thats because my dream self died
19686	GG: pretty catastrophically!
19687	AT: aW, nO, i'M DEFINITELY PRETTY SORRY TO HEAR THAT,
19688	GG: thanks, but i think im ok
19689	GG: i felt pretty shaken up at first though
19690	AT: yES, i DID TOO,
19691	AT: i SPENT SO LONG SLEEPING AND DREAMING AND PLAYING ON PROSPIT,
19692	AT: tHAT BEING AWAKE WAS MADE TO FEEL WEIRD, aND i DIDN'T LIKE IT FOR A WHILE,
19693	GG: yeah i have done a lot of sleeping myself :)
19694	AT: oH, yES, i KNOW, bUT,
19695	AT: i SAW YOU, yOU WERE AWAKE A LOT TOO,
19696	AT: aFTER A CERTAIN MOMENT, i SPENT JUST ABOUT EVERY WAKING HOUR BEING ASLEEP,
19697	GG: wow why did you sleep so much???
19698	AT: iT WAS JUST A BETTER WAY TO BE, mORE PEACEFUL AND FUN AND,
19699	AT: i GUESS,
19700	AT: tHERE WAS SOMETHING THAT HAPPENED THAT WAS INCREDIBLY TERRIBLE,
19701	AT: aND SAD,
19702	AT: aND MADE ME FEEL TERRIBLE AND SAD AND SLEEPY, sO i SLEPT, a LOT,
19703	GG: oh no what happened that was so terrible?
19704	AT: i'D PREFER,
19705	AT: tHAT THE THING i WANT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT NOT TURN INTO THAT TOPIC,
19706	GG: ok sorry for prying!
19707	GG: what did you want to talk about?
19708	AT: i WANTED TO ASK YOU PERMISSION,
19709	AT: i WOULD HAVE ASKED PERMISSION THE FIRST TIME,
19710	AT: bUT AT THE TIME YOU WERE NOT ABLE TO GIVE IT, oR TALK OR ANYTHING,
19711	GG: permission for what?
19712	AT: tO COMMUNE WITH YOUR LUSUS,
19713	GG: with bec?
19714	GG: uh....
19715	GG: what do you mean by commune?
19716	GG: and
19717	GG: what do you mean the first time!
19718	GG: you did it before?
19719	AT: yEAH,
19720	AT: iT MEANS TO TALK TO HIM, aND, sUGGEST HE DO SOMETHING WHICH IS GOOD,
19721	AT: fOR HIM, aND ALSO FOR PEOPLE HE LIKES,
19722	GG: ohhh
19723	GG: like a psychic power??
19724	AT: yES,
19725	GG: pretty sweet!
19726	GG: when did you do it before?
19727	AT: oH, vERY RECENTLY, pERSONALLY SPEAKING,
19728	AT: bUT FOR YOU IT WAS VERY LONG AGO,
19729	AT: aND, iT WAS A REALLY GOOD EXAMPLE i THINK,
19730	AT: oF EXACTLY WHY WIGGLERS SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED TO DUAL WIELD FLINTLOCK PISTOLS,
19731	GG: hehe what?
19732	AT: sO, i DID THE LIBERTY OF COMMUNING WITH YOUR LUSUS,
19733	AT: wHICH i HOPE WASN'T OUT OF LINE,
19734	AT: bUT LIKE i SAID, yOU WERE UNAVAILABLE,
19735	AT: uHHH,
19736	AT: bY WHICH i MEAN, uNAVAILABLY SMALL,
19737	AT: sO THEN i COMMUNED HIM TO USE HIS AMAZING POWERS, tO,
19738	AT: iNTERVENE,
19739	AT: aND REROUTE THE PROJECTILE AWAY FROM THE PATH THAT WOULD HAVE HARMED YOU,
19740	AT: aND ALSO,
19741	AT: aS A WONDERFUL BONUS AND COINCIDENCE,
19742	AT: iT HAPPENED THERE WAS A FELON ON YOUR PROPERTY,
19743	AT: iT WAS i THINK SURELY AN AGING ROGUE WHO WAS VERY MUCH KEEN ON INTRUDING BETWEEN YOUR REALLY NICE LOOKING FAMILY,
19744	AT: aND AS FORTUNE WOULD HAVE IT,
19745	AT: tHE SMALL MISSILE WAS REDIRECTED INTO THE SENIOR INTERLOPER'S CHEST,
19746	AT: aND HE DIED,
19747	AT: }:)
19748	GG: omg......
19749	GG: that wasnt a senior interloper, im pretty sure youre talking about my grandpa!!!
19750	AT: oH,
19751	GG: and if im interpreting correctly....
19752	GG: youre saying you used bec to make me shoot him???
19753	GG: augh thats so awful!
19754	AT: uHH,
19755	AT: wHAT'S,
19756	AT: a GRANDPA,
19757	GG: oh boy
19758	GG: ok it is basically an old man, who serves the same role as i guess a lusus does on your planet?
19759	GG: he was like my dad, he took care of me!
19760	AT: wHOA,
19761	AT: tHAT IS A REALLY WEIRD CULTURAL THING, i GUESS,
19762	GG: sigh...
19763	AT: sORRY THEN,
19764	AT: aBOUT,
19765	AT: mY CULTURAL IGNORANCE,
19766	GG: well im not blaming you or anything
19767	GG: it sounds like you were just trying to help
19768	GG: and you did save my life
19769	GG: but......
19770	GG: i mean jeeeez
19771	GG: talk about a misunderstanding
19772	AT: wELL,
19773	AT: nOW i FEEL VERY STUPID,
19774	AT: bUT,
19775	AT: i DON'T THINK i WILL GIVE INTO BAD SELF ESTEEM THIS TIME ABOUT THIS,
19776	AT: iT'S IMPORTANT TO STAY CONFIDENT ABOUT STUFF, DON'T YOU AGREE,
19777	GG: uh
19778	GG: sure?
19779	AT: aND i THINK THIS IS A GOOD OPPORTUNITY FOR US TO BOND, aND BECOME CLOSER IN AN EMOTIONAL WAY,
19780	AT: pROBABLY,
19781	GG: .... it is?
19782	AT: oH YES, sEE THE FUNNY THING IS, i ALSO KILLED MY LUSUS BY ACCIDENT,
19783	AT: i MEAN, mY LUSUS THAT WAS A LITTLE FAIRY BULL, nOT AN OLD MAN WITH A HUGE GUN,
19784	GG: oh nooo
19785	GG: how did that happen?
19786	AT: i MURDERED HIM INAPPROPRIATELY WITH A FOUR WHEEL DEVICE,
19787	GG: :|
19788	GG: ummm what kind of device?
19789	AT: lIKE, tHE KIND BASICALLY FOR CRIPPLES TO SIT IN, aND ROLL AROUND,
19790	GG: oh you mean a wheelchair!
19791	AT: i GUESS, tHAT'S A WAY TO CALL IT,
19792	GG: how...
19793	GG: did that happen?
19794	AT: wELL,
19795	AT: i WAS SITTING IN IT, bEING CRIPPLED LIKE USUAL,
19796	AT: aND HE GOT UNDER THE WHEEL IN HIS NAP,
19797	GG: D:
19798	GG: im so sorry
19799	GG: um also
19800	GG: i didnt realize you were paralyzed
19801	GG: not that im saying sorry for that! that would be rude i think
19802	GG: i am just saying sorry for your loss
19803	AT: oH, iT'S OKAY, oN BOTH THINGS,
19804	AT: hE CAME BACK TO LIFE FOR A WHILE, aND COULD TALK, AND THAT WAS FUN,
19805	AT: aND ALSO,
19806	AT: i'M NOT PARALYZED ANYMORE, }:)
19807	GG: oh?
19808	AT: nO, i HAVE ROBOT LEGS, aND i FEEL GREAT, aND i CAN WALK,
19809	GG: wow nice!
19810	AT: oH YES, iT IS TRULY NICE,
19811	AT: i AM A NEW AND DIFFERENT GUY, mOSTLY,
19812	AT: bEING NOT PHYSICALLY HANDICAPPED IS MOST CERTAINLY THE KEY TO HAVING HIGH SELF ESTEEM,
19813	GG: um
19814	GG: that.....
19815	GG: i dont know if i agree with that!
19816	AT: oH ABSOLUTELY, tAKE IT FROM ME AS WHAT FACT IS TRUE,
19817	AT: aND NOW, i FEEL EMBOLDENED TO DO BOLD THINGS THAT HEROES SHOULD DO,
19818	AT: lIKE, sAVE THE LIFE OF A PRETTY GIRL, AND KILL THE FIENDISH OLD MAN, wHO,
19819	AT: wHOOPS, wASN'T FIENDISH, aND YOU LOVED HIM, sORRY,
19820	GG: well
19821	GG: thats good i guess
19822	GG: i just wish...
19823	GG: maybe you'd told me what happened when i was younger?
19824	GG: i spent years wondering about it!
19825	GG: when i was REALLY young, i was sure the doll sitting across from him did it
19826	GG: and for a long time i was terrified of the evil blue girl!!!
19827	GG: she sort of haunted my childhood and i had trouble sleeping for a long time
19828	GG: but of course i got older and realized that was silly, but then i just speculated that maybe it was suicide
19829	GG: which was just a really sad thing to think about!!!
19830	AT: wOW, yEAH,
19831	AT: i,
19832	AT: tOTALLY BLEW THAT THEN,
19833	AT: i GUESS i COULD STILL TELL YOU ABOUT IT IN YOUR PAST,
19834	GG: buuuut...
19835	GG: even if you do, i dont remember you doing so!
19836	AT: oH,
19837	AT: tHEN i GUESS I WON'T,
19838	GG: er
19839	GG: ok :\
19840	AT: bUT YEAH, iRREGARDLESS,
19841	AT: tHIS IS LIKELY TO BE EXACTLY THE KIND OF THING NOT TO STAND IN THE WAY ABOUT GOOD FEELINGS ABOUT MYSELF,
19842	GG: .......
19843	AT: i MEAN, i SAW THAT YOUR LUSUS SAVED YOU ANYWAY, iN ADVANCE,
19844	AT: aND,
19845	AT: i JUST WANTED,
19846	AT: tO MAKE IT POSSIBLE SO THAT i WAS THE ONE INVOLVED WITH BEING THE HERO THERE,
19847	AT: tO SAVE YOU,
19848	AT: lIKE, tO PUT MYSELF IN YOUR STORY, iN A BRAVE CAPACITY, bECAUSE,
19849	AT: tHAT'S WHAT FEELING GOOD AND POSITIVE ABOUT YOURSELF IS ALL ABOUT,
19850	GG: woooooow...
19851	GG: you sound really confused to me!
19852	AT: aBSOLUTELY, i AM CONFUSED LIKE A FOX,
19853	AT: tHE KIND THAT HAS HIGH SELF ESTEEM,
19854	GG: heheheh
19855	GG: youre incredibly silly
19856	GG: i cant really tell to what extent youre joking around here!
19857	AT: i UNDERSTAND THAT, aND JOKES HAPPEN, yES,
19858	AT: bUT FEELING GREAT ABOUT YOURSELF IS NOT A JOKING ISSUE,
19859	AT: iT IS HEAVY DUTY BUSINESS, aND NEEDS TO BE GIVEN ALL THE SERIOUSNESS THAT SAD THINGS GET,
19860	AT: i'VE LEARNED THAT, fROM MY FRIENDS, AND ALSO, FROM RUFIO,
19861	GG: rufio?
19862	AT: yES, hE'S A FAKE,
19863	GG: what do you mean fake?
19864	AT: a FAKE GUY i MADE UP IMAGINARILY,
19865	AT: hE NEVER STOPS BEING A THING THAT'S NOT REAL,
19866	GG: ohh like an imaginary friend....
19867	GG: heh, ok
19868	AT: i'M PRETENDING THAT BEING FULLY HONEST ABOUT RUFIO'S FAKENESS, AND,
19869	AT: bEING UP FRONT ABOUT HIS GENERAL FRAUDULENCE, tHAT IT WILL ONLY GIVE ME EXTRA CONFIDENCE,
19870	AT: i'M PRETENDING THAT AS HARD AS i CAN, iN THE MOST CONFIDENT WAY,
19871	AT: wHICH MAKES IT PARTIALLY MORE TRUE,
19872	GG: that
19873	GG: sure is a philosophy you have there!
19874	AT: yES, bEING CONFIDENT IS ALWAYS ABOUT SAYING AND DOING THE THINGS YOU FEEL,
19875	AT: eVEN IF THE AFRAID PART OF YOU SAYS, nO, pLEASE DON'T DO THAT,
19876	AT: lIKE, uHHHHHHH,
19877	AT: hERE IS A THING i'M AFRAID TO SAY TO YOU, jADE,
19878	AT: bUT,
19879	AT: i'M TOO CONFIDENT NOW TO LET MY AFRAIDNESS MAKE ME FEEL TERRIBLE,
19880	GG: oh??
19881	GG: well, what is it?
19882	AT: rEMEMBER, i TALKED TO YOU A LOT WHEN YOU WERE SLEEPING,
19883	GG: yes
19884	AT: uHH, aND,
19885	AT: wE TALKED ABOUT LOTS OF THINGS, aND WE HAD SOME THINGS IN COMMON, aND IT WAS NICE,
19886	GG: sure!
19887	AT: aND i THINK CONSEQUENTLY, tHE EMOTIONAL RESULT IS PROBABLY,
19888	AT: tHAT MAYBE i HAVE SOME POSSIBLE RED FEELINGS FOR YOU,
19889	GG: red feelings?
19890	GG: you mean
19891	GG: whoooooaaaaaa
19892	GG: wait
19893	GG: really? :o
19894	AT: wOW, tHAT SURE WAS A HARD THING TO SAY AND MADE ME INCREDIBLY NERVOUS,
19895	AT: bUT i SAID IT BECAUSE OF MY REMARKABLE LEG-POWERED SELF CONFIDENCE,
19896	AT: aND NOW i THINK ALL THAT'S LEFT IS DEFINITELY YOUR RECIPROCATION ABOUT THAT, pROBABLY,
19897	GG: um.................
19898	GG: well
19899	GG: i dont think i can reciprocate!
19900	AT: uH OH,
19901	GG: i mean
19902	GG: youre nice
19903	GG: but i dont really know you...
19904	GG: i dont even know your name!
19905	AT: oH GOSH, hOW STUPID CAN i BE,
19906	AT: i FORGOT TO SAY,
19907	AT: i'M TAVROS,
19908	GG: ok tavros
19909	GG: i dont know if youve fully thought about this!
19910	GG: you dont actually know me very well either
19911	AT: oH YES, i SURELY DO,
19912	AT: bECAUSE WE HAD A NUMBER OF SPIRITED CONVERSATIONS, wHEREIN YOU WERE VERY NICE AND PLEASED TO SPEAK WITH ME,
19913	AT: dID,
19914	AT: i MISINTERPRET THAT, wAS IT NOT ACTUALLY NICENESS,
19915	GG: well no
19916	GG: i was being nice
19917	GG: because
19918	GG: i like to be nice to people when i can, and when they are nice to me
19919	GG: but......
19920	GG: things are a little more complicated than that, you cant know someone just by a few conversations!
19921	GG: i mean, i only talked to you when i was asleep! i am kind of different when im dreaming...
19922	GG: i forget things, and at times im not totally sure whats real
19923	GG: dont you remember thats what its like to dream on prospit?
19924	AT: uH,
19925	AT: kIND OF,
19926	GG: sorry, i feel bad about having to disappoint you...
19927	GG: but i dont know what else to say
19928	AT: bUT WHAT ABOUT,
19929	AT: mY ATTRACTIVE BRAVADO,
19930	AT: aND IGNORING MY INSTINCTUAL COWARDICE HARD ENOUGH TO SAY THAT i LIKE YOU,
19931	AT: iSN'T THAT,
19932	AT: sUPPOSED TO BE VERY ATTRACTIVE, aND ENCOURAGE THE MAJOR HAVING OF FLUSHED FEELINGS IN OTHERS,
19933	AT: i GUESS WHAT i MEAN IS, wHAT ABOUT ALL MY CONFIDENCE,
19934	AT: wHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT,
19935	GG: jeeeeeez, um...
19936	GG: tavros i am really flattered you like me and all
19937	GG: and that sure is confident of you to say so! and thats great buuuut...
19938	GG: i guess confidence is one thing but there is such a thing as being toooo forward i guess?
19939	AT: wOW,
19940	AT: oK,
19941	GG: i aaaalso think...
19942	GG: and really this is just polite friendly advice!
19943	GG: that if youre really confident you dont always have to say it all the time
19944	GG: it...
19945	GG: oh man im sorry to say
19946	GG: it just comes of as a little insecure and off putting and kind of defeats the purpose!
19947	GG: and all things considered i think we should just stay friends
19948	GG: or really........
19949	GG: continue building a friendship in the first place, since like i said we dont actually know each other that well!
19950	AT: yEAH,
19951	AT: uUUUUUUHHH,
19952	GG: sorry :C
19953	AT: nO, nO, iF i'M BEING REALISTIC i THINK THAT'S WHAT'S REASONABLE TO SAY TO ME,
19954	AT: aND i'LL WORK ON TONING DOWN MY SELF RESPECT A LITTLE,
19955	GG: aaaah no! you should have self respect
19956	GG: just...
19957	GG: oh boy this is frustrating
19958	GG: can we talk about this later?
19959	GG: i have some things to do!
19960	GG: why dont we get back to the original point
19961	GG: why do you want to commune with bec again?
19962	AT: yES, oF COURSE,
19963	AT: i WANTED TO GET APPROVAL FROM YOU, tO COMMUNE HIM AGAIN,
19964	AT: nOW THAT HE'S A SPRITE,
19965	AT: tO PERPETRATE ONE OF MY HEROIC IDEAS AGAIN,
19966	GG: uh-ohhh
19967	GG: what is your idea this time?
19968	AT: i WILL SUGGEST TO HIM THAT HE ATTACK YOUR ADVERSARY,
19969	AT: aS WELL AS OURS,
19970	AT: aND MAYBE BEAT HIM, tO SOLVE EVERYBODY'S PROBLEMS,
19971	GG: wow, i dunno about that!
19972	AT: bUT i HAVE GREAT SKILL IN COMMANDING BEASTS TO GLORY IN BATTLE,
19973	AT: aND YOURS IS SURELY THE STRONGEST BEAST I'VE SEEN!
19974	GG: but hes my best friend!!!
19975	GG: and you have already managed to get one of my family members killed
19976	AT: bUT ACCORDING TO MY SELF CONFIDENCE, i THINK i'M PRETTY SURE i CAN USE HIS POWER TO BE SUCCESSFUL,
19977	AT: wHOOPS, PRETEND i DIDN'T MENTION MY SELF CONFIDENCE, oR SAY ANYTHING OFF PUTTING,
19978	GG: but all of our adversaries have inherited his powers!
19979	GG: i would imagine the strongest guy would have all of his powers, and then some!!!
19980	GG: i am really not comfortable with this
19981	AT: oH,
19982	GG: you said you are asking me permission first and i appreciate that
19983	GG: but if you are asking im afraid my answer is no!
19984	AT: oKAY, i RESPECT THAT,
19985	AT: bUT, i WONDER,
19986	GG: what?
19987	AT: i WONDER IF A TRULY SELF CONFIDENT GUY, wITH THE BEST SELF ESTEEM THERE IS, wOULD EVEN NEED TO ASK,
19988	AT: mAYBE THE BEST GUY WOULD JUST KNOW HE WOULD BE SUCCESSFUL, aND WOULD DO IT ANYWAY BECAUSE IT IS FOR YOUR OWN GOOD, aND EVERYONE ELSE'S,
19989	GG: no way!
19990	GG: that would be smug and arrogant and would make you a bully!!!
19991	GG: later if my friends and i want to ask bec for help and decide thats our best hope, then thats our business
19992	GG: until then, just please stop meddling!!!!!!
19993	AT: wOW, oK,
19994	AT: yOU'RE RIGHT ABOUT ALL THAT, i'LL RESPECT YOUR WISHES,
19995	AT: oR,
19996	AT: wILL i? };)
19997	GG: nooooooooo dont dont dont dont dont
19998	GG: im serious
19999	GG: uuuuggghh i think my headache is coming back
20000	AT: i WAS jUST,
20001	AT: mAKING A JOKE,
20002	AT: sORRY, }:(
20003	AT: i GUESS US BECOMING A FRIENDSHIP DOESN'T HAVE TO HAPPEN NOW,
20004	GG: no...
20005	GG: its fine
20006	GG: i just really dont want you to do that ok?
20007	AT: yEAH,
20008	GG: i have to go now
20009	GG: bye tavros
20010	AG: Aaaaaaaahahahahahahahaha!
20011	AG: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!
20012	AG: Oh my god, I cannot 8elieve how hilariously pathetic that whole exchange was.
20013	AG: Even 8y your wretched standards, Toreadork!
20014	AG: Hahahahahahahaha, oh god I can't 8reathe!!!!!!!!
20015	AG: A8solutely priceless. XXXXD
20016	AT: hEY, vRISKA,
20017	AT: tHAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A PRIVATE CORRESPONDENCE, oF A PERSONAL NATURE,
20018	AT: hOW COULD YOU EVEN BE READING THAT,
20019	AG: Pff. Tavros, sometimes your stupidity surprises even me.
20020	AG: Next time you decide to open your heart to an alien girl........
20021	AG: Make sure her chat client isn't 8eing holographically projected for all to see, ok?
20022	AT: uH,
20023	AT: wHOOOPS,
20024	AG: It was so em8arrassing just reading that Tavros. I'm em8arrassed!
20025	AG: I am actually feeling genuine em8arrassment. Your o8scene incompetence is actually polluting my otherwise pristine composure. Nice going!
20026	AT: sO,
20027	AT: i DON'T CARE,
20028	AG: Jade let you down too easy. She's too nice! Someone's got to tear into you for that appalling display, and once again, guess who's shoulders that falls on?
20029	AG: That's right. Vriska's, as usual.
20030	AT: i THINK SHE HAS THE RIGHT AMOUNT OF NICENESS, pERSONALLY,
20031	AT: aN AMOUNT THAT IS SOME, iNSTEAD OF,
20032	AT: nONE,
20033	AG: Hey, I'm nice when it matters, and where it doesn't strangul8te the critical development of people I give a shit a8out, ok?
20034	AG: Really I don't know what you see in her. She is completely useless, like you.
20035	AG: W8, of course!!!!!!!! It makes perfect sense. You and she represent the ideal matespritship, how could I have 8een so 8lind!
20036	AG: Two perfectly pointless gru8s in a bucket.
20037	AT: nO, i HAVE TOO MUCH SELF CONFIDENCE NOW TO BE UPSET BY YOUR SCANDALOUS IMAGERY,
20038	AT: i DON'T THINK SHE IS USELESS,
20039	AT: aND i DON'T THINK i AM EITHER,
20040	AT: bECAUSE OF NEW SELF ESTEEMS OBTAINED, rEMEMBER,
20041	AG: Oh will you please stop going on a8out your fucking self esteem.
20042	AG: I will say this much a8out her, she was right a8out that. How insuffera8le can you get, prattling on and on a8out how confident you are.
20043	AG: Tavros, you give confidence a 8ad name. I gave you all the chances in the world to earn it, to earn REAL confidence, and you failed.
20044	AG: You couldn't even do the one little thing I asked you to! The one thing that would have made you man up once and for all.
20045	AG: So instead you flew away and cried, and decided to sleep away your sorrow for the rest of the adventure.
20046	AG: Do you have any idea how sick that made me? Everything a8out you makes me sick.
20047	AG: When you talk a8out your self confidence, I throw up a little. You don't know what confidence is. Ro8o-legs don't give you confidence, that 8n't no more true than saying my ro8o-arm gave me mine. See what I mean?
20048	AG: Your confidence is faker than even the great Rufio himself, Lord of the Unreal. It's pure fiction, a false fakey fraudy con jo8 from a wimpy loser charlatan 8ullshit artist.
20049	AG: It's shallow and nause8ting, just like you. Do us all a favor and SHUT UP a8out it.
20050	AT: oK, i THINK,
20051	AT: tHIS IS ACTUALLY MAKING ME PRETTY MAD,
20052	AG: Yeah right!!!!!!!!
20053	AG: I'll 8elieve that when I see it, chump.
20054	AT: i DON'T WANT YOU TO MOCK ME ANYMORE,
20055	AT: i DON'T KNOW IF MY CONFIDENCE IS REAL, oR WHAT,
20056	AT: bUT i WOULD LIKE YOU TO STOP SAYING STUFF LIKE THAT TO ME,
20057	AT: aND TO STOP SAYING BAD THINGS ABOUT MY FRIEND JADE, tOO,
20058	AG: Jade is an idiot.
20059	AG: A useless, 8oring no8ody. What has she done for her party other than fuck up every step of the way? What does she ever do 8ut take naps and get in trou8le?
20060	AG: She's awful, and you deserve each other. Oh w8, except she h8tes you!!!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahaha. Even the 8oring pointless girl h8s you, talk a8out a guy who can't get a 8r8k.
20061	AG: Though I guess she's not compleeeeeeeetely useless. ::::)
20062	AT: wHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT,
20063	AG: Ok, Tavros, I gave her credit for something, so I'll give you credit for something too.
20064	AG: Your plan to control her lusus really wasn't a 8ad idea!
20065	AG: And using your a8ility to "save her life" (lol) was a pretty good way to test how effective your powers are across sessions.
20066	AG: Pretty good way to practice, to know where you stand!
20067	AG: Practicing your a8ilities is important, so when it comes down to using them for something that really matters, you know you're ready for prime time.
20068	AG: I know this first hand.
20069	AG: I got lots and lots and LOTS of practice with your little guinea pig friend. ::::D
20070	AG: So really, turns out she wasn't so useless at all! Far from it.
20071	AT: wHOA, wHAT,
20072	AT: aRE YOU SAYING YOU DID TO HER,
20073	AG: Not really the point!
20074	AG: The point is I'm trying to pay you a compliment.
20075	AG: At this point, you are so sad and disgusting, you should treat anything nice anyone has to say a8out you like a chest full of shimmering 8oon8ucks.
20076	AT: oKAAAY, gOD,
20077	AT: wHAT,
20078	AG: Like I said! Your plan was solid.
20079	AG: Controlling the guardian to go after Jack was a fine idea. Sure would stir some shit up! 8etter than 8eing an insignificant stuttering piece of trash all the time, I say.
20080	AG: And you were definitely on to something a8out doing it "irregardless" (lol) of her wishes.
20081	AG: 8ecause it's for her own good! That's what winners do. They do what is right for someone they care a8out even if the other person does nothing 8ut 8itch and moan and act ungr8ful a8out it. 8etter you learned l8 than never.
20082	AG: In fact, I would go as far as saying that if you went ahead with her plan against her wishes, it MIGHT just earn you a smidgen of respect from me.
20083	AG: We'll see.
20084	AG: There's really just one catch.
20085	AT: oH,
20086	AT: wHAT'S THAT,
20087	AG: The catch is it's not going to work!
20088	AT: wHAT ISN'T,
20089	AG: Are you even listening to me? Man, clear the Rufio wax out of your ears.
20090	AG: You couldn't sic the guardian on Noir even if you were inclined. Not even if I were to MAKE you inclined! :::;)
20091	AT: uHH,
20092	AT: wHY,
20093	AG: 8ecause you are dealing with a pro here. I already thought of that.
20094	AG: I thought of everything!
20095	AG: The guardian is not going to attack the agents who engineered him in the first place.
20096	AG: Or who I should say were "encouraged" (lol) to engineer him.
20097	AG: I was striking a mutually 8eneficial arrangement! This is often the most effective way to manipul8 others.
20098	AG: I just sort of gave them an idea. Nudged them along in the direction of seizing more power, which they wanted to do anyway.
20099	AG: Remem8er, I already have a lot of experience getting these simple minded agents to march to my drum 8eat.
20100	AG: I was exiling them left and right in our session! I'm an expert at this 8y now.
20101	AT: wHY WOULD YOU DO THAT,
20102	AG: Tavros, at this point it should 8e o8vious.
20103	AG: I am the unseen hand 8ehind every major event in their session, and to some extent, their whole lives.
20104	AG: At least those events not happening 8y the volition of their own natural incompetence!
20105	AG: Don't you think this is how it should 8e? Shouldn't the greatest player leave her fingerprints on every step of the rise to power of her ultim8 nemesis?
20106	AT: wOW, nO, tHAT'S,
20107	AT: i DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO SAY ALL THE WAYS i THINK THAT IS CRAZY,
20108	AG: 8ut you must agree, 8ecause you were copycatting my idea.
20109	AT: nO i WASN'T,
20110	AG: You were 8razenly inserting yourself into Jade's history. The self-insertion plan was my idea, and it's revolting and cowardly for you to deny it.
20111	AT: tHAT WAS, fOR A GOOD THING THOUGH,
20112	AG: Hahahaha, sure. Whatever you say.
20113	AG: It's incredi8ly sad how outclassed you are. It's actually depressing that you thought you could 8eat me at my own game. And then most sickeningly of all, you don't own up it!
20114	AG: I have every angle covered already. The human session is on full Serket lockdown. Any effort you make to disrupt my plans will 8e laugha8le, just like everything you have ever done in your life.
20115	AG: The only thing left to do now is prepare to kill Jack myself, and save everyone's ungrateful asses.
20116	AG: It's a shame you're not strong enough to take him on with me. Too 8ad you spent so long sleeping instead of tur8o-leveling like me.
20117	AG: We might have made a pretty awesome team.
20118	AG: Oh well.
20119	AT: oKAY, tHEN,
20120	AT: aLL OF YOUR USUAL INSULTING THINGS ASIDE, mY TAKE ON THIS IS,
20121	AT: tHAT YOU CREATED OUR IMPOSSIBLY HARD BAD GUY, wHO WANTS TO KILL US,
20122	AT: aND BY ASSOCIATION, i GUESS THAT MAKES,
20123	AT: yOU THE BAD GUY TOO,
20124	AT: iNSTEAD OF A GOOD GUY WHO'S JUST MEAN,
20125	AG: Nice deduction!
20126	AG: Wrong, excruci8tingly linear, and laced with the sort of a8solutes morons like to throw around........
20127	AG: 8ut nice!
20128	AT: aND THAT BEING THE CASE,
20129	AT: eVEN THOUGH i'M TERRIFIED OF YOU,
20130	AT: aND nOT AS STRONG,
20131	AT: oR REAL CONFIDENT,
20132	AT: oNLY MOSTLY FAKE CONFIDENT,
20133	AG: Yeeeeeeees?
20134	AG: Go on.
20135	AT: i THINK,
20136	AT: i AM GOING TO HAVE TO STOP YOU,
20137	AG: Yeah! That's the spirit.
20138	AG: Pretty weakslime threat there, 8ut it's a start.
20139	AG: Tell you what.
20140	AG: If you can find me in this la8, you can have at me.
20141	AG: I'll even give you a free shot! No funny 8usiness or anything.
20142	AT: oK,
20143	AT: tHEN,
20144	AT: hERE i COME,
20145	AG: I'll 8e w8ing. <3
20146	Yes.
20147	And so came to an end the most heroic thing that ever happened in the history of metafiction.
20148	Let's move on.
20149	THE WINDY THING subsides, and clear skies prevail. You soar to the highest rung, and rule over your echeladder as the HEIR TRANSPARENT.
20150	Boondollars fly.
20151	The clouds have returned. The fireflies are still trapped. The spell remains unbroken.
20152	There is commotion behind you. A nearby village, perhaps?
20153	The flag is at half mast in honor of the heroes who lost their lives to the Green Tragedy.
20154	Many brave firefighters deployed from the Heir's tower to extinguish the flames. Alas, they were all overwhelmed by its fury.
20155	How can shaving cream be so flammable?
20156	How indeed, brave heroes.
20157	How indeed.
20158	Left: village
20159	Right: mushroom orchard, and also a secret grotto! shhhh.....
20160	You re-equip SERIOUS BUSINESS GOGGLES! Would have sucked if you lost these.
20161	You got a MINITABLET
20162	You got MORE ILLEGAL CONTRABAND!
20163	Dude, this frog is SO ILLEGAL. You'd better ditch this thing before a wily agent of Derse sees you with it.
20164	You got... one of your FAKE ARMS?
20165	Man, why do they have to rummage through your stuff and start mailing it all over the planet?
20166	You got a CAN OF TAB!
20167	Oh yes, you have been dying to try this beverage for a long time. Perfect timing too, since you are in need of a good sugar kick. This can should be JAM PACKED full of real, actual sugar.
20168	Blech. This stuff sucks.
20169	You got YOUR OWN COPY OF HARRY ANDERSON'S 'WISE GUY' BACK!
20170	Come on, this is getting ridiculous. Your prized belongings are being scattered to every corner of the globe!
20171	You got a FIREFLY!
20172	Poor guy was trapped in there. Off you go, little fella. Join your friends in the clouds.
20173	You got a SMUPPET!
20174	Oh great, just what you needed. A pipe full of puppet ass, nice.
20175	WHOAAA! You got a WHOLE BOONCASE!!!!!!!
20176	SALAMANDER: Did you see it??? It was there, after the Windy Thing!
20177	JOHN: see what?
20178	SALAMANDER: Oh gosh, I can't think of the word. The big flat thing thats as wide as possible, and up.
20179	JOHN: um...
20180	SALAMANDER: The dark colored ceiling that clouds stay under.
20181	JOHN: you mean... the sky?
20182	SALAMANDER: YES! It was so beautiful. I hope to witness its miracle again one day before the end of my sadly short amphibious lifespan.
20183	SALAMANDER: That was quite a bluster, wouldn't you say? It really had us all whipping around here, our little legs flailing every which way.
20184	JOHN: you must be talking about the windy thing.
20185	JOHN: yeah, uh. sorry about that.
20186	SALAMANDER: What would you have to be sorry about?
20187	SALAMANDER: A great surge of The Breeze like that could only be summoned by the Heir! It means he's finally come!!! This is so exciting.
20188	SALAMANDER: Please let me know if you see him.
20189	JOHN: heheh.
20190	SALAMANDER: I thought for sure our mushroom was cooked! The Green Tragedy nearly consumed us all.
20191	JOHN: the green tragedy? oh...
20192	JOHN: you mean the fire?
20193	SALAMANDER: Yes. Word has spread of the global catastrophe. Thousands of lives were lost.
20194	SALAMANDER: Luckily the Heir saved us! I'm going to pop a big friendly bubble in his face if I am ever lucky enough to meet him.
20195	JOHN: wow...
20196	JOHN: sounds like he's in for a treat!
20197	SALAMANDER: We must all come together and unify as a people after the terrible Green Tragedy.
20198	SALAMANDER: This harmonious union will mostly entail a lot of standing around and fidgeting hyperactively... together!
20199	SALAMANDER: Oh boy oh boy oh boy, I can't wait for the Heir to visit our village. Hey! Maybe he's here RIGHT NOW!
20200	SALAMANDER: Maybe if I blow my spit bubble to be big enough, it will catch the Heir's reflection, and I will be able to bask in his magnificence.
20201	SALAMANDER: Wait... I see someone in my bubble's reflection right now! Could it be... could it...
20202	SALAMANDER: Oh, never mind. It's just a dumb boy with some square glass shapes on his face.
20203	JOHN: hey!!!
20204	JOHN: hey little fella, where are your parents?
20205	JOHN: do salamanders even have parents?
20206	JOHN: oh, duh, of course they do. i guess what i mean is do you have a family or anything?
20207	SALAMANDER: glub
20208	JOHN: hmm, i already adopted one young salamander today. but, then i left her at my friend's house...
20209	JOHN: so i think i'll let you be. i dunno if i'm cut out to be a dad!
20210	JOHN: i mean, i don't even have a tie, or a pipe, or a really serious looking wallet or anything.
20211	JOHN: thinking about it is making me miss my dad. hey, i wonder if i'll see him when i sleep on my quest bed? i hope so.
20212	JOHN: anyway, thanks for listening. see you, little guy!
20213	SALAMANDER: glub
20214	SALAMANDER: Hey you! Don't go any further! The mushroom orchard has been commandeered by a frightening beast!
20215	SALAMANDER: It is terribly powerful, unlike any underling I have ever seen, at least not before the Green Tragedy.
20216	SALAMANDER: The devil is making it nigh impossible to farm our goddamn mushrooms!
20217	SALAMANDER: Halt! We are guarding the mushroom orchard. It is for your own good. Do not pass.
20218	SALAMANDER: Guard guard guard. We are an elite team of village guards, guarding this orchard here.
20219	SALAMANDER: Together we represent an impenetrable edifice of amphibious fury. There is no way anyone is getting through. Public safety is assured.
20220	SALAMANDER: You are entering the private and secluded alcove of the Clan of the Secret Wizard.
20221	SALAMANDER: ...
20222	SALAMANDER: shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
20223	SALAMANDER: Behold my robes, good sir. Behold them and may peace behold you.
20224	SALAMANDER: GLUB GLUB GLUB GLUB GLUB GLUB, yeah, just behold my robes already, ok? Sheesh.
20225	SALAMANDER: Would you like to hear the story of the Clan of the Secret Wizard, and why you presently have the privilege of beholding my divine robes?
20226	JOHN: but... those are my bedsheets! how did you get them?
20227	SALAMANDER: Silence. I will not entertain such pluck from the lowly unenrobed.
20228	SALAMANDER: Our great elder, the magnificent Secret Wizard was one day graced with the First Rag of Souls from the clouds.
20229	SALAMANDER: He donned the oily, humble cloth and assumed the countenance of a simple beggar.
20230	SALAMANDER: But lo, he beheld a great pillar of rock, and on that pillar he beheld an impossibly tall white tower belonging to the fabled Heir of Breath.
20231	SALAMANDER: And so our leader ascended this pillar and this tower, but found no sign of the heir.
20232	SALAMANDER: He did however find the Heir's floating blue servant, and she laundered his robes, and so the Rag of Souls was born anew.
20233	SALAMANDER: Such was his magnanimity, he employed the Heavenly Machina to duplicate this relic and distribute robes to his many followers across the land, so that they too might be beheld with a beholden eye of admiration.
20234	SALAMANDER: So it was, and so it shall have been behelt.
20235	SALAMANDER: Now go. May beheld robes be with you always.
20236	SALAMANDER: I am going to ask you to do something. And it's totally up to you if you would like oblige. No pressure or anything.
20237	JOHN: um... do you by any chance want me to behold your robes?
20238	SALAMANDER: YOU ARE AN AMAZING GENIUS AND I LOVE YOU.
20239	SALAMANDER: I'm kind of not really into this. I'm just doing this because of peer pressure.
20240	SALAMANDER: To be honest, I'm getting a little tired of beholding all these goddamn robes. What does beholding robes even mean? Like, just looking at them? Is that it?
20241	SALAMANDER: Don't tell anyone I said that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
20242	SALAMANDER: I am beholding someone without the proper attire in our presence. This is most improper.
20243	JOHN: Sorry. Where can I get some robes to join your club?
20244	SALAMANDER: You really think it's that easy? This is an exclusive guild, and entry is only permitted through brutal ritualistic hazing.
20245	SALAMANDER: By which I mean, we have more of these damn robes than we know what to do with, and we zealously recruit new members with virtually no standards at all.
20246	SALAMANDER: Would you like to join? I will take your robe measurements right now.
20247	JOHN: oh. nah, not really.
20248	JOHN: i don't really feel like walking around wrapped up in a stupid bedsheet.
20249	SALAMANDER: My tender ears have just been scalded by unthinkable blasphemies.
20250	SALAMANDER: behold my robes behold my robes behold my robes behold my robes behold my robes" "JOHN: ok, jeez!!! i am beholding them as hard as i can right now, whatever that means. are you satisfied?" "SALAMANDER: .................
20251	SALAMANDER: Glub glub. Hey kid. See these robes? Let's get beholding here. Chop chop.
20252	SALAMANDER: I fell asleep in a bush, and when I woke up, I was here, dressed in this absurd cloth. I am so confused, and a little afraid.
20253	SALAMANDER: I thought the spell was broken there for a moment! The clouds went away, and the fireflies were all buzzing around, acting disoriented.
20254	SALAMANDER: But then the clouds came back! To be honest, I was a little relieved. I have grown fond of them. And if the fireflies were to escape from above, I would miss them dearly!
20255	SALAMANDER: They're really pretty, and they're my friends.
20256	JOHN: aw...
20257	SALAMANDER: Our village has the best snack stand in the land! It offers the juiciest bugs and most succulent onions!
20258	SALAMANDER: I'm so hungry. Alas, I have not a single boondollar to pop my bubble with.
20259	JOHN: i've got loads of boondollars! here, i will treat you to a nice lunch.
20260	The salamander got 100 boondollars!
20261	SALAMANDER: Oh god oh god oh god, this is like a small fortune!
20262	SALAMANDER: I can finally afford to try the most sublime delicacy on the menu. But, if I opt for that, I can afford nothing else that is tasty. Hmm...
20263	JOHN: yes, i guess having money leads to some complicated decisions. oh well, enjoy!
20264	SALAMANDER: I blew all my money on a grasshopper. It was...
20265	SALAMANDER: Well, it was ok I guess.
20266	SALAMANDER: Hey hey! I heard a rumor that you were some kind of Mr. Moneybags over here. Well boy do I have an offer for you.
20267	JOHN: what is it?
20268	SALAMANDER: A treasure! It will cost you 10,000 boondollars to discover what it is, and obtain it.
20269	JOHN: wow, 10,000? that's a lot...
20270	JOHN: but really, i guess it's not so much, since i have millions.
20271	SALAMANDER: Millions??? Why didn't you say so. I revise my offer to 100,000 boondollars.
20272	JOHN: hey! you can't do that.
20273	JOHN: i will pay you 10,000, and that's my final offer!
20274	SALAMANDER: You drive a hard bargain out of that silly toothed mouth of yours. Very well, the deal has been made.
20275	You got a SMUPPET!!!";
20276	JOHN: aaaauuuuugh, it was was one of dave's dumb butt puppets??? i hate these things! what a ripoff.
20277	SALAMANDER: Oh wealthy tooth boy. I have another offer for you.
20278	JOHN: i'm not doing business with you anymore, you scoundrel!
20279	SALAMANDER: All that commotion very nearly woke The Slumbering One, I think! That would have been dreadful.
20280	SALAMANDER: But he is still asleep. I am sure that only the Heir can wake him, and break the spell over this land.
20281	SALAMANDER: It's said the Heir will wake the denizen by playing a magical song only he can play, and when he wakes up, the Heir will meet the terrible beast face to face!
20282	SALAMANDER: It is then that he will be offered The Choice. The nature of the Heir's triumph depends on what he chooses!
20283	SALAMANDER: Then the Heir will lead us all to a beautiful place, with the most bristling insect furrows and the richest, dampest mushroom soil you could hope to farm.
20284	SALAMANDER: Or so the story goes! Probably a lot of bullshit if you ask me.
20285	SALAMANDER: Shhh... listen.
20286	SALAMANDER: Do you hear that? He is still asleep, thank goodness.
20287	SALAMANDER: But when the Windy Thing was kicking up all that fuss, it sounded like he was not happy at all.
20288	SALAMANDER: It makes him absolutely furious when anyone other than him bends The Breeze to his will! It is not pleasant for anybody.
20289	SALAMANDER: Luckily there is only one person who can do that, and he is surely a mythical figure, who only morons believe in.
20290	SALAMANDER: Oh man, look at that dashing style. Rumpled head objects are all the rage these days!
20291	SALAMANDER: I would love to wear one, but I just don't have the money.
20292	JOHN: hmm, well, i agree it is important to keep up with the fashions.
20293	JOHN: tell you what, i will give you some money for a hat, so that you can be one of the coolest salamanders in town! here you go...
20294	The salamander got 1000 boondollars!
20295	SALAMANDER: oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god
20296	SALAMANDER: oh my god oh my god oh my god
20297	SALAMANDER: THANK YOU SO MUCH, I LOVE MY NEW RUMPLED HEAD OBJECT, AND I LOVE YOU.
20298	JOHN: heheheh. you're welcome.
20299	SALAMANDER: THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU
20300	SALAMANDER: I am the absolute pinnacle of fashionability. Marvel at the object upon my head, and admire the lustre of its velveteen rumples. It was so expensive.
20301	SALAMANDER: It is this way to what we locals call The Glow Shape. It is above the thing that the Heir will take his most important and legendary naps upon.
20302	JOHN: oh! that must be my quest bed!
20303	JOHN: er... i mean the heir's quest bed.
20304	JOHN: i almost forgot i was being all sneaky and incognito here.
20305	SALAMANDER: My response to that will simply be a singular, unintelligent and unpunctuated glub.
20306	SALAMANDER: glub
20307	SNACK VENDOR: WELCOME! Looking for something tasty today???
20308	Got a CONE OF BUGS
20309	Got an ONION
20310	Got a TASTY MUSHROOM
20311	Got a JAR OF BUGS
20312	Got a MUSHROOM SHAKE
20313	Got a BIG BOY MUSHROOM
20314	Got a GRASSHOPPER
20315	HABERDASHER: HELLO! Looking for a head object that is rumpled and unsightly?
20316	HABERDASHER: All of our head objects are rumpled and unsightly, fortunately!
20317	Got a RUMPLED HEAD OBJECT
20318	Got an EVEN RUMPLIER HEAD OBJECT
20319	Got THE RUMPLIEST HEAD OBJECT OF ALL
20320	MERCHANT: What will it be today?
20321	SALAMANDER: No I don't give a shit that there's a ridiculously powerful and deadly imp running around the orchard.
20322	SALAMANDER: SOMEONE'S got to be farmin' all these goddamn fuckin' mushrooms, pain in the ass though truly it be.
20323	SALAMANDER: So that's what I'm doing.
20324	SALAMANDER: Standing around here
20325	SALAMANDER: farmin' all these
20326	SALAMANDER: goddamn
20327	SALAMANDER: fuckin'
20328	SALAMANDER: mushrooms.
20329	VRISKA: John.
20330	VRISKA: CONGRATUL8TIONS!!!!!!!!
20331	JOHN: for what? you mean...
20332	JOHN: that windy thing? did i actually do that somehow?
20333	VRISKA: Well, yes, you did. And I suppose congratul8tions are in order for that too.
20334	VRISKA: 8ut mostly, I am congratul8ting you........
20335	VRISKA: FOR GAINING ALL THE LEVELS!!!!!!!! ::::O
20336	JOHN: oh, right! i got to the top of my echeladder somehow. i didn't even really think it had a top, or that i would get there so fast.
20337	JOHN: so i guess that's it, then! don't have to worry about leveling up anymore. that's pretty neat.
20338	VRISKA: Don't 8e ridiculous, John.
20339	VRISKA: While you may have technically gained all the levels just now, you did not truly gain ALL of them just yet.
20340	VRISKA: In a way, this is really just the 8eginning.
20341	JOHN: it is?
20342	VRISKA: Yes. You are now ready to 8egin your ascent through the god tiers.
20343	VRISKA: No8ody I know was a8le to progress this far anywhere near as fast and you, John. Not even me! I can't tell you how proud I am.
20344	JOHN: wow, really?
20345	JOHN: ok, what do i do?
20346	VRISKA: The thing is, from this point on, you can't make any progress while you're awake. So you've got to get to sleep!
20347	VRISKA: 8ut not just any 8oring old nap will do. You will need to go to sleep in a special 8ed." "VRISKA: You must find your Quest 8ed, John.
20348	JOHN: that sounds pretty cool. where is it?
20349	VRISKA: Not too far away! 8ut rather than me telling you, why don't you talk to the locals and ask around?
20350	VRISKA: I've helped you get this far, 8ut at some point you are going to have to start taking some steps all 8y yourself. I think you're ready for that!
20351	VRISKA: If you make the right decisions and play all your cards right, hell, you might even wind up at a higher tier than I did!
20352	VRISKA: I hope this turns out to 8e the case. I am rooting for you all the way. Now get going and find that 8ed!!!!!!!!
20353	JOHN: ok, i will! thanks a lot, vriska!
20354	EB: ok, i think i'm ready to take this legendary nap!
20355	EB: and then climb the god tiers, i guess?
20356	AG: Yes, exactly! Pretty exciting, isn't it?
20357	EB: yeah...
20358	EB: maybe it is a little TOO exciting.
20359	AG: What's that mean?
20360	EB: i am not sleepy at all!
20361	EB: also, this is not much of a bed. more like a really hard slab of rock.
20362	EB: i don't see how i will be able to sleep.
20363	AG: John.
20364	AG: Would you like me to put you to sleep?
20365	EB: um...
20366	EB: you mean, you're asking me this time, instead of just doing it?
20367	EB: what happened to you wanting to be responsible for me becoming a hero!
20368	AG: John, I am clearly involved in your rise to power now regardless. That can't 8e changed!
20369	AG: I am giving you the option, 8ecause at some point a hero has to start making choices.
20370	AG: Once you take a 8r8k from hunting treasure and stop getting distracted 8y side quests, you eventually realize that's what this game is all a8out.
20371	AG: The choices you make affect the destiny of the universe you cre8te, as well as the type of hero you 8ecome.
20372	AG: It would have 8een nice if someone was around to explain all this to me, and let me have some control over my own f8.
20373	AG: I had to do this a much less pleasant way. I'm sparing you that indignity.
20374	AG: 8esides, it's not like you're some loser who doesn't know how to make tough decisions.
20375	AG: So what'll it 8e, John?
20376	EB: well...
20377	EB: i'm supposed to go to sleep to realize my destiny...
20378	EB: and you have the ability to make me do that, so...
20379	EB: i don't really see the harm in that.
20380	EB: it sounds like it is just the practical thing to do.
20381	AG: Am I hearing a "yes," John?
20382	EB: yes, that is my decision.
20383	EB: vriska, please put me to sleep!
20384	AG: You got it. <3
20385	AG: 8888)
20386	TG: ok
20387	GC: WH4T >:?
20388	TG: what do you mean what
20389	GC: 1 M34N WH4T 4R3 YOU W41T1NG FOR!
20390	GC: 4R3 YOU GO1NG TO JUST ST4ND TH3R3, OR 4R3 YOU GO1NG TO SUCK 1T UP 4ND 4SS4SS1N4T3 TH4T N1C3 LOOK1NG D4V3 1N H1S SL33P? >:]
20391	TG: but
20392	TG: you know if im going to or not
20393	TG: its lame for you to pretend theres any element of suspense here
20394	TG: why dont you just tell me
20395	GC: OH 1 G3T 1T
20396	GC: YOU W4NT TO R1S3 TO TH3 GOD T13RS 4ND B3COM3 4S GR34T 4S JOHN
20397	GC: WH1L3 ST1LL FORF31T1NG 4LL OF YOUR D3C1S1ONS 4ND FR33 W1LL TO 4 BL1ND G1RL 1N 4NOTH3R D1M3NS1ON
20398	GC: R34L H3RO1C, D4V3!
20399	GC: OR SHOULD 1 S4Y
20400	GC: SOOOO COOOOOOL >8]
20401	TG: look i dont mind making the decision if thats whats going on here
20402	TG: like doing the free will thing
20403	GC: OH 1S TH4T 4 TH1NG NOW?
20404	TG: yes how would it ever stop being a thing
20405	TG: being a things not something it ever stopped doing
20406	TG: i just want to know whats really going on here
20407	TG: before i decide to start choppin off the heads of outrageously good looking snoozing dudes
20408	GC: 1 TOLD YOU
20409	GC: YOU N33D TO D13 ON YOUR QU3ST B3D TO R34CH TH3 GOD T13R 1N SK414 W1TH JOHN
20410	TG: ok i know but
20411	TG: something about this doesnt add up
20412	TG: who is this guy
20413	TG: i dont remember sleeping on this bed
20414	TG: or reaching the god tier im pretty sure thats something id remember
20415	TG: so is he from the future
20416	TG: does this mean later im going to have to put this ugly goddamn suit back on
20417	TG: which i thought we both agreed id retired from the wardrobe forever
20418	TG: and then go back in time and sleep in this bed and get killed by me right now
20419	TG: do i have the stable loop right
20420	GC: NOP3!
20421	TG: then what
20422	GC: 1 C4N T3LL YOU
20423	GC: BUT F1RST, 4R3 YOU SO SUR3 TH1S 1S TH3 SOURC3 OF YOUR H3S1T4T1ON, D4V3?
20424	GC: K33P1NG TR4CK OF T3MPOR4L LOG1ST1CS?
20425	TG: why wouldnt i be concerned about that
20426	TG: if we make mistakes then dead daves start piling up
20427	TG: and dead daves are the enemy remember
20428	TG: says the sword holding guy whos about to add one to the pile
20429	GC: 1M JUST S4Y1NG
20430	GC: 1T 1SNT 34SY FOR 4NYON3 TO F4C3 TH31R OWN D34TH
20431	GC: 3V3N 1F TH3 CONS3QU3NC3 1S TO TH31R B3N3F1T
20432	GC: NOT 3V3N 4NY OF US M4N4G3D TO DO 1T
20433	GC: W3LL, 3XC3PT FOR ON3
20434	TG: who
20435	GC: T4K3 4 WILD GU3SS!
20436	TG: ok got it
20437	TG: i wonder if this can finally be the conversation that doesnt deteriorate into a lot of bitching and moaning about her
20438	GC: F1N3 >:P
20439	TG: so if im understanding this
20440	TG: this guy isnt from the future who came back to finish a loop
20441	TG: and hes not from the past because id remember doing this
20442	TG: so this isnt part of our timeline choreography at all
20443	TG: must be from an offshoot timeline
20444	TG: which means hes doomed
20445	GC: Y3S
20446	TG: ok so how did this happen where did we fuck up
20447	GC: W3 D1DNT!
20448	GC: SORRY 4BOUT TH1S D4V3
20449	GC: 1T W4S TH3 B3ST W4Y 1 COULD TH1NK OF TO SHOW YOU WH4T TH1S 1NVOLV3S!
20450	GC: YOU WOULDNT STOP BUGG1NG M3 4BOUT WHY YOUD N3V3R B3 4BL3 TO C4TCH UP W1TH JOHN
20451	GC: 1 TOLD YOU YOU WOULDNT B3 4BL3 TO F4C3 YOUR D34TH
20452	GC: 4ND TH4T W4SNT GOOD 3NOUGH FOR YOU! SO H3R3 W3 4R3
20453	TG: what exactly did you do
20454	GC: OK, R3M3MB3R WH3N YOU W3R3 4SK1NG M3 4BOUT TH1S GOD T13R STUFF
20455	GC: 4ND HOW JOHN W4S 4BL3 TO 4SC3ND
20456	GC: 4ND 1 TOLD YOU 1T WOULD 1NVOLV3 DY1NG
20457	GC: 4ND YOU K3PT GO1NG ON 4BOUT 1T, SO 1 G4V3 YOU 4 CHO1C3
20458	GC: TO F1ND OUT NOW, OR F1ND OUT L4T3R
20459	TG: yeah i remember
20460	TG: that seems like a long time ago already
20461	TG: what was that like more than a day for me chronologically
20462	GC: Y3S BUT 1T W4S ONLY 4 COUPL3 M1NUT3S 4GO FOR M3
20463	GC: YOU F1N4LLY WOR3 M3 DOWN W1TH 4LL YOUR R3C3NT P3ST3R1NG!
20464	GC: SO 1 S41D F1N3
20465	GC: 4ND W3NT B4CK 4 L1TTL3 34RL13R ON YOUR T1M3L1N3 TO K1CK TH1S OFF
20466	GC: SO TH1S 1S HOW W3 4R3 DO1NG TH1S NOW
20467	TG: ok but you didnt actually give me a choice
20468	TG: you just flipped a coin
20469	GC: Y34H
20470	GC: 4ND 1 L3FT TH3 D3C1S1ON OV3R TH3 OUTCOM3 OF TH3 FL1P 1N YOUR H4NDS! >:]
20471	GC: M4YB3 YOU FORGOT
20472	GC: 1 WOULDNT BL4M3 YOU S1NC3 TH3R3 H4S B33N 4 LOT TO K33P TR4CK OF
20473	GC: BUT H3R3 1S HOW 1T W3NT DOWN
20474	GC: YOU W3R3 STRUTT1NG 4ROUND 1N YOUR D3L1C1OUS K1W1 31GHT B4LL SU1T 4ND RUNN1NG YOUR FR3SH MOUTH 4S USU4L
20475	GC: durp yo terezi sup sup gotta beat john gotta beat john
20476	GC: hes got a long hood and he does wind, how can i get powers too?
20477	GC: oops red is how i talk, my bad
20478	GC: OH MY GOD...
20479	GC: D4V3 TH1S 1S SO D3C4D3NT
20480	GC: WHY D1DNT YOU 3V3R T3LL M3 HOW 4M4Z1NG 1T 1S TO TYP3 L1K3 TH1S
20481	GC: 1 4LMOST C4NT H4NDL3 1T >:o
20482	TG: ok stop that shit is probably like crack to you
20483	TG: im not going to stand by and watch you fall prey to your own wild cherry apeshit apocalypse
20484	GC: OK >:[
20485	GC: SO 4NYW4Y, 1M L1K3 D4V3 TH4TS GO1NG TO 1NVOLV3 F4C1NG YOUR OWN D34TH
20486	GC: 4ND 1M SORRY TO BR34K 1T TO YOU BUT 1 DONT TH1NK YOUR3 R34DY FOR TH4T
20487	GC: SO TH3N D4V3 1S L1K3 thats so stupid bluh bluh im being difficult, and cool, word up
20488	GC: SO 1 S4Y F1N3
20489	GC: 1 W1LL SHOW YOU
20490	GC: BUT ONLY 1F YOU PROM1S3 TO TH3 3X4CT T3RMS OF MY 4RR4NG3M3NT, 1N ORD3R TO PROT3CT TH3 1NT3GR1TY OF TH3 T1M3L1N3 >:]
20491	TG: the arrangement being the coin flip thing
20492	TG: thank god we did that otherwise wed be screwed
20493	TG: i probably would have gone back in time and killed my own grandfather oh wait i never had one
20494	GC: 4H, BUT 1T W4S 1MPORT4NT!
20495	GC: YOU JUST D1DNT KNOW WH4T W4S GO1NG ON, WH1CH W4S FOR YOUR OWN GOOD
20496	GC: 1 TOLD YOU 1 W4S GO1NG TO FL1P 4 CO1N
20497	GC: 4ND B3FOR3 1 D1D, YOU H4D TO P1CK 4 S1D3 W1THOUT T3LL1NG M3
20498	GC: GOOD H34DS OR B4D H34DS
20499	GC: 4ND YOU W3R3 L1K3 hey sure terezi i will hella go along with your two face thing
20500	GC: WH4T3V3R TH4T M34NS >:\
20501	TG: oh yeah
20502	GC: WH4T D1D TH4T M34N, BY TH3 W4Y
20503	GC: WH4TS 4 TWO F4C3 TH1NG
20504	TG: twoface is a human batman villain whos half ugly and flips coins all the time to make evil decisions
20505	GC: OH...
20506	GC: W3LL TH4TS K1ND OF D1SH34RT3N1NG, 1 SORT OF THOUGHT MY CO1N FL1PP1NG W4S 4 COOL 4ND UN1QU3 TH1NG >:[
20507	TG: its ok flippin coins for reasons is still pretty badass i guess
20508	TG: why dont you finish your story
20509	GC: R1GHT
20510	GC: SO TH3 CHO1C3 1F YOU R3C4LL W4S
20511	GC: 1 COULD SHOW YOU HOW TO R34CH TH3 GOD T13R NOW
20512	GC: OR 1 COULD SHOW YOU L4T3R
20513	GC: 4ND YOU H4D TO 4SS1GN ON3 OPT1ON TO GOOD H34DS
20514	GC: 4ND TH3 OTH3R OPT1ON TO B4D H34DS
20515	GC: 4ND WH4T3V3R TH3 R3SULT OF TH3 FL1P, YOU H4D TO PROM1S3 TO DO WH4T YOU COMM1TT3D TO B3FOR3 H4ND!
20516	GC: NO CH34T1NG 4ND CH4NG1NG YOUR M1ND, OR TH4T WOULD FUCK 1T UP
20517	TG: right exactly
20518	TG: so like i said before i had no choice at all i picked some options and you flipped a coin
20519	GC: Y3S, BUT L34V1NG TH3 CHO1C3 TO YOU W4S 1MPORT4NT H3R3
20520	GC: YOULL S33 WHY 1F YOU TH1NK 4BOUT 1T
20521	TG: not seein it
20522	TG: i picked good heads to mean youd show me now
20523	TG: bad heads to mean youd show me later
20524	TG: you said it came up bad heads
20525	TG: so i was like ok i can wait
20526	TG: and i did for like a whole day
20527	TG: and now here you are showing me
20528	TG: did i miss something
20529	GC: Y3S
20530	GC: YOU FORGOT TH4T TH3R3 W4S 4LSO 4N OFFSHOOT R34L1TY 1N WH1CH YOU M4D3 JUST TH3 OPPOS1T3 D3C1S1ON!
20531	GC: TH4T W4S TH3 ON3 WH3R3 B4D H34DS M34NT 1 WOULD SHOW YOU R1GHT 4W4Y
20532	GC: R3M3MB3R B3FOR3 TH3 FL1P, 1 1NSTRUCT3D YOU WH4T TO DO 1N TH4T 3V3NT
20533	GC: TO GO B4CK 1N T1M3, 4ND 4W41T FURTH3R 1NSTRUCT1ON
20534	GC: 4ND YOU D1D!
20535	GC: H3 D1D, TH4T 1S
20536	GC: H3 W3NT B4CK 1N T1M3, 4ND 1 TOLD H1M TO F1ND TH1S B3D 4ND GO TO SL33P
20537	GC: 4ND TH3N FUTUR3 D4V3 WOULD COM3 L4T3R 4ND K1LL H1M, S3ND1NG H1M TO TH3 GOD T13R 1F H3 SO W1LL3D
20538	GC: 1F H3 COULD F1ND TH3 WH3R3W1TH4LL TO GO THROUGH W1TH 1T
20539	GC: TH3 SL33P1NG D4V3 1S TH3 DOOM3D D4V3, TH3 ON3 WHO D1DNT W41T
20540	GC: FUTUR3 D4V3 1S YOU, TH3 ON3 WHO W41T3D
20541	GC: 1N YOUR QU3ST, YOUR3 TH3 4LPH4 D4V3
20542	GC: H3S YOU >8]
20543	TG: then
20544	TG: this is kind of useless isnt it
20545	TG: i thought you were bringing me back here to finish a stable time loop not murder a guy you punked whos gonna die regardless
20546	TG: whats the fucking point of giving a doomed version of myself superpowers anyway
20547	GC: M4YB3 H3 W1LL STOP B31NG DOOM3D 4FT3R YOU K1LL H1M?
20548	GC: M4YB3 H3 W1LL G3T TH3 D4V3 POW3RS 4ND L1V3 4 LONG 4ND COOL L1F3 NOT B31NG DOOM3D 4NYMOR3
20549	GC: HOW WOULD YOU KNOW UNL3SS YOU T4K3 4 ST4B 4T 1T?
20550	GC: H3H3H3
20551	TG: its just the worst thing when you get morbid
20552	GC: >:P
20553	TG: anyway maybe
20554	TG: but i kind of doubt thats how it works i mean
20555	TG: doomed means doomed doesnt it
20556	TG: the loopholes are only temporary like look how davesprite turned out
20557	GC: >:[
20558	GC: R1P MR OR4NG3 CR34MS1CL3S, M4Y H3 R3ST 1N D3L1C1OUSN3SS
20559	TG: am i wrong in guessing that
20560	TG: shouldnt you know better than me
20561	GC: D4V3 WH3N 1T COM3S TO T1M3 STUFF, WHY WOULD TH3 S33R OF M1ND KNOW B3TT3R TH4N TH3 KN1GHT OF T1M3?
20562	TG: i dont know
20563	TG: what does being a seer of mind actually mean
20564	GC: TH4T 1S
20565	GC: 4 GR33334T QU3ST1ON >:]
20566	GC: M4YB3 1F YOU TH1NK 4BOUT 1T YOU C4N F1GUR3 1T OUT YOURS3LF
20567	TG: oh ok its someone who asks a bunch of dumb riddles i figured it out already
20568	GC: Y34H R1GHT!!!
20569	TG: lets not get derailed here
20570	TG: we were talking about a serious issue and im standing over my soon to be corpse while holding a fucking sword
20571	GC: OK, TH4T 1S F41R
20572	GC: YOU 4R3 PROB4BLY CORR3CT 4BOUT DOOM3D MR K1W1SU1T H3R3
20573	GC: P4R4DOX SP4C3 1S PR3TTY V1C1OUS 4BOUT PUN1SH1NG THOS3 1N V1OL4T1ON OF 1TS PL4N
20574	TG: punishing
20575	GC: SUR3
20576	GC: 1T F1NDS W4YS TO 4NN1H1L4T3 TH3 P4THS WH1CH DO NOT CONTR1BUT3 CONSTRUCT1V3LY TO 1TS OWN PROP4G4T1ON
20577	GC: 4ND 1T 1S 3QU4LLY M3RC1L3SS TO THOS3 WHO 1NH4B1T TH3M, 4ND 1N P4RT1CUL4R, THOS3 WHO C4US3 TH3M
20578	GC: 1T 4PP34RS TO H4V3 4 S3NS3 OF JUST1C3, DONT YOU TH1NK?
20579	TG: i guess
20580	GC: W3LL, YOU 4SK3D WH4T 1 THOUGHT, 4ND TH4TS WH4T 1 TH1NK
20581	GC: TH3 QU3ST1ON R3M41NS
20582	GC: NOW WH4T??
20583	TG: i dunno none of this is making for a very persuasive argument that i should kill doomed me
20584	GC: BUT H3 1S GO1NG TO D13 4NYW4Y!
20585	GC: WHY NOT JUST B3 TH3 ON3 TO PUT H1M DOWN?
20586	GC: 4T TH3 V3RY L34ST, YOU COULD M4K3 SUR3 1T 1S 4 PL34S4NT D3M1S3 1NST34D OF SOM3TH1NG N4ST13R >:]
20587	TG: see
20588	TG: this shit youre doing now
20589	TG: this is the morbid shit i was talking about
20590	TG: its not anywhere near as endearing as you probably think
20591	TG: even when you bracket smile after it
20592	TG: like ok you said something fucked up but hey theres a cute face my heart just fucking melted
20593	GC: D4V3, W3 BOTH KNOW MY BR4CK3T SM1L3S 4R3 1RR3S1ST1BL3
20594	GC: >:] >:] >:]
20595	TG: ok yeah youre right i just got won back over totally
20596	TG: i think
20597	TG: this whole thing was a ruse
20598	TG: and not even the funny kind that qualify as distactions
20599	TG: i think you got my whole timeline there in front of you and you know damn well i have no intention of killing this guy ever
20600	TG: and its just a big game you set up to watch me squirm over weird mortality issues while you giggle
20601	GC: Y34H
20602	GC: SO?????
20603	TG: so
20604	TG: i guess
20605	TG: well played??????
20606	TG: i dont know
20607	TG: just one question
20608	TG: and please just drop your fucking justice riddles and be honest
20609	TG: do i ever make the god tier
20610	TG: like the right way
20611	GC: V3RY W3LL, 1 W1LL STOP TORM3NT1NG YOU D4V3
20612	GC: NO, YOU DONT
20613	GC: BUT TH4T 1S NOT 4S B4D 4S 1T SOUNDS!
20614	GC: L1K3 1 S41D, NON3 OF US M4D3 1T
20615	GC: 3XC3PT FOR... OK N3V3R M1ND
20616	GC: 1T W4SNT N3C3SS4RY! W3 W3R3 4LR34DY BR33Z1NG THROUGH TH3 G4M3 4T OUR LOW3R L3V3LS
20617	GC: BY TH3 T1M3 W3 R34CH3D TH3 TOP OF OUR 3CH3L4DD3RS 4ND M4ST3R3D OUR FR4YMOT1FS, W3 W3R3 COMPL3T3LY DOM1N4T1NG!
20618	GC: OK, SO TH3 3ND BOSS W4S MOR3 CH4LL3NG1NG TH4N W3 3XP3CT3D
20619	GC: BUT BY TH3N 1T W4S TOO L4T3 TO GO B4CK 4ND DO 4NYTH1NG 4BOUT 1T, 4ND W3 H4D 4N 4RMY OF L3TH4L PSYCH1C ROBOTS TO H3LP US
20620	GC: 1T 4LL WORK3D OUT 1N TH3 3ND
20621	GC: WHY DO YOU TH1NK 1 H4D YOU BUY 4LL THOS3 FR4YMOT1FS?
20622	GC: 3V3N 1F YOUR3 NOT QU1T3 WH3R3 JOHN 1S, YOUR3 ST1LL 4 PR3TTY D34DLY W34PON >:]
20623	TG: ok
20624	TG: then cool i guess i can live without wearing a sweet windsock hoodie and making time tornadoes or whatever
20625	TG: i was only bugging you about it cause you were being so vague
20626	GC: Y3S 1 KNOW
20627	GC: 1 THOUGHT 1T W4S B3TT3R TO SHOW YOU WH4T W4S 1NVOLV3D
20628	GC: 1TS ON3 TH1NG TO S4Y sup sup terezi help me be a god sup sup sup
20629	GC: BUT F4C1NG 1T 1S D1FF3R3NT
20630	GC: OUR R4C3 1S NOT 3X4CTLY UNCOMFORT4BL3 1N TH3 PROX1M1TY OF D34TH
20631	GC: BUT 1T W4S ST1LL 4 CH4LL3NG3 W3 W3R3NT PR3P4R3D FOR
20632	GC: 4ND TH3N
20633	GC: J4CK K1LL3D OUR DR34M S3LV3S
20634	GC: 4ND 1 GU3SS W3 LOST TH4T CH4NC3 FOR GOOD >:[
20635	TG: alright then
20636	TG: i guess thats enough of this horseshit time to move on right
20637	GC: SUR3
20638	GC: 1F YOU R34LLY W4NT TO L34V3 POOR DOOM3D D4V3 H3R3 TO H1S OWN D3V1C3S
20639	TG: i dont even want to be around when he wakes up itll be weird and awkward
20640	GC: 1 DONT SUPPOS3 1 COULD T4LK YOU 1NTO PUTT1NG H1M OUT OF H1S M1S3RY B4S3D ON TH3 R3SULT OF 4 CO1N FL1P >:D
20641	TG: no fuck no
20642	TG: put your fucking death coin away jesus
20643	TG: i am forbidding you from ever flipping that coin again when youre talking to me or even thinking about me
20644	GC: F1N3!!!! WOW D4V3
20645	GC: SO TOUCHY 4BOUT 4 S1LLY L1TTL3 CO1N
20646	GC: YOUR3 OV3R3ST1M4T1NG 1TS R3L3V4NC3 H3R3 4NYW4Y
20647	GC: 1N F4CT
20648	GC: 4FT3R 1 FL1PP3D 1T, 1 D1DNT 3V3N LOOK 4T TH3 R3SULT!
20649	TG: what you didnt
20650	GC: NOP3
20651	GC: D4V3, WHY WOULD 4 BL1ND G1RL LOOK 4T 4 CO1N SH3 C4NT 3V3N S33?
20652	GC: 1T DO3SNT M4K3 S3NS3!
20653	TG: thats fucking idiotic
20654	TG: you could smell a flea off a dogs balls
20655	GC: >:\
20656	GC: D4V3 S33
20657	GC: TH1S SH1T YOUR3 DO1NG NOW
20658	GC: TH1S 1S TH3 GROSS SH1T 1 W4S T4LK1NG 4BOUT
20659	GC: 1TS NOT 4NYWH3R3 N34R 4S 3ND34R1NG 4S YOU TH1NK 4H4H4H4H4H4
20660	TG: this is bs
20661	TG: so ok your coinflip of death was meaningless great to know
20662	TG: is there anything else we need to do here
20663	TG: i sent you the money i got all the fraymotifs tell me what is there thats left besides you jerking me around
20664	TG: probably time we chill out for a while and i get back in sync with my teammates
20665	GC: OH Y3S, 1 KNOW
20666	GC: YOUV3 GOT SOM3 WORK TO DO, 1 C4N T4K3 4 H1NT 4ND G1V3 YOU SOM3 SP4C3 TO DO 1T >:]
20667	GC: J4D3 1S GO1NG TO N33D YOUR H3LP ON H3R N1C3 FROST3D M4RSHM4LLOW PL4N3T
20668	TG: then i guess thats where ill go
20669	GC: 4ND 1F YOU C4N F1ND 1T 1N YOUR COOLK1D H34RT NOT TO ST4Y M4D 4T M3, F33L FR33 TO G3T 1N TOUCH 4NY T1M3
20670	TG: ok
20671	TG: i mean
20672	TG: im not even actually mad i just
20673	TG: i dunno
20674	GC: >:o
20675	TG: i still dont really get what you did
20676	TG: was the trick really necessary
20677	TG: it sounds like
20678	TG: the splitoff was a result of both possible decisions i could have made
20679	TG: and had fuckall to do with your coin or randomness or luck
20680	GC: 3X4CTLY!!!
20681	GC: S33 YOU DO G3T 1T
20682	TG: get what
20683	GC: YOU 4SK3D WH4T 1T M34NS TO B3 TH3 S33R OF M1ND
20684	TG: yeah
20685	TG: and
20686	TG: i obviously still dont know
20687	GC: OK TH3N 1LL JUST 4SK TH1S
20688	GC: HOW MUCH OF YOUR R34L1TY DO YOU TH1NK 1S M4D3 OF WH4TS 1N YOUR M1ND?
20689	TG: i dont know sounds like a riddle
20690	TG: fuck it ill just say all of it
20691	TG: i mean that is the answer right
20692	GC: SM4RT4SS >:P
20693	GC: 1T 1S NOT 4 R1DDL3, 1T 1S 4 S3R1OUS QU3ST1ON, TH3R3 1S 4 B1G D1FF3R3NC3 D4V3
20694	GC: 1F YOU S33 WH4TS 1N YOUR M1ND CL34RLY 4ND UND3RST4ND TH3 POW3R YOUR THOUGHTS H4V3
20695	GC: TH3N YOU UND3RST4ND R34L1TY WH1L3 3V3RYON3 3LS3 1S RUNN1NG 4ROUND CONFUS3D 4ND 4NGRY 4ND UPS3T
20696	GC: B3C4US3 TH3Y TH1NK R34L1TY 1S SOM3TH1NG H4PP3N1NG TO TH3M
20697	GC: R4TH3R TH4N SOM3TH1NG TH3Y 4R3 M4K1NG 3V3RY MOM3NT W1TH 3V3RY THOUGHT
20698	TG: oh ok
20699	GC: HOW W3LL DO YOU TH1NK YOU KNOW YOUR M1ND D4V3?
20700	TG: really well
20701	TG: i know it biblically its an obscene nsfw spectacle
20702	GC: H3H3H3
20703	GC: 1 DONT KNOW WH4T TH4T M34NS BUT 1 KNOW 1T 1S PROB4BLY 4 RUD3 JOK3!
20704	TG: means my skull is a bucket and my brains a plump fuckgrub
20705	GC: GROSS D4V3 1S GROSS!!!
20706	GC: BUT 1 KN3W TH4T TOO
20707	GC: 1 KNOW YOUR M1ND B3TT3R TH4N YOU
20708	TG: oh do you
20709	GC: 1 4M NOT PSYCH1C, BUT 1 H4V3 TH3 S1GHT S33RS 4R3 M34NT TO H4V3
20710	GC: 1T W4S MY ROL3 TO H4V3 1T
20711	GC: TO T4LK TO P3OPL3 4ND S33 TH3 TUNN3LS 4ND VORT1C3S 1N TH31R M1NDS 4ND TO UND3RST4ND TH3 R34L1T13S TH3Y WOULD CR34T3 1F THOS3 THOUGHTS L34D TO 4CT1ON
20712	GC: FOR MY 3N3M13S, 1 W4S M34NT TO BR1NG 4BOUT TH3 1NH3R3NT R3TR1BUT1ON FLOW1NG FROM TH3 R34L1TY M4D3 BY TH31R OWN 3V1L THOUGHTS
20713	GC: 4ND FOR MY FR13NDS, TO PROT3CT TH3M FROM TH31R T3ND3NCY TO UND3R3ST1M4T3 TH3 POW3R TH31R CONFUS1ON H4S OV3R TH31R F4T3
20714	GC: TO K33P TH3M OUT OF TROUBL3, D4V3 >:]
20715	TG: is that what you were doing just now
20716	GC: M4YB3 1 W4S!
20717	GC: YOU N3V3R KNOW, S33RS 4R3 NOTOR1OUSLY CRYPT1C 1N TH31R W4YS
20718	TG: yeah no fuck
20719	GC: 4NYW4Y, 1TS B33N FUN D4V3
20720	GC: 1TS B33N SO FUN B3C4US3
20721	GC: TH3 MOR3 P3OPL3 TRY TO H1D3
20722	GC: TH3 MOR3 TH3Y SHOW M3
20723	GC: SO 1 GU3SS TH4TS HOW 1 KNOW
20724	GC: 1 L1K3 YOU SO MUCH >:D
20725	TG: man
20726	TG: you are just
20727	TG: some kind of knowitall arent you
20728	TG: what else do you know
20729	GC: HMM
20730	GC: 1 KNOW SOM3 V3RY 1MPORT4NT TH1NGS
20731	TG: like
20732	GC: 1 KNOW TH4T YOU W3R3 ON TO SOM3TH1NG WH3N YOU S41D LUCK W4SNT 1NVOLV3D W1TH TH3 CO1N FL1P
20733	TG: yeah because
20734	TG: you didnt even look
20735	TG: it was like
20736	TG: schrodingers fucking coin
20737	TG: and then
20738	TG: it turned into schrodingers fucking dave
20739	GC: R1CKY SCHROD1NG3R?
20740	TG: yeah
20741	GC: W3LL Y3S, TH4T M4Y B3 TRU3, BUT 3V3N SO 1 DO KNOW TH4T LUCK 1S 4 V3RY R34L TH1NG!
20742	GC: FORTUN3 1S TH3 3SS3NC3 OF L1GHT, 4ND 1T SH1N3S ON THOS3 WHOV3 M4ST3R3D 1T
20743	GC: BUT 1 KNOW SOM3TH1NG MOR3 1MPORT4NT TH4N TH1S
20744	GC: 1T 1S 4 B1G S3CR3T
20745	GC: M4YB3 TH3 B1GG3ST 4ND MOST 1MPORT4NT S3CR3T OF 4LL
20746	TG: what
20747	GC: LUCK DO3SNT 4CTU4LLY M4TT3R >8]
20748	The windy boy is dead. The tragedy is overwhelming. All hope is lost.
20749	Oh well. Time to get out of this tin can!
20750	The door jams.
20751	Oh, right. The station is out of power. You forgot about that!
20752	Of course you still have your secret treasure, but it will almost certainly prove to be of no use to you in this dilemma whatsoever. It clearly serves no significant purpose other than to be pretty, and to make your hand glowy. Back in the sleeve of your trusty knife it goes.
20753	Oh yeah, there's another thing you forgot about! You ate that delicious green nuclear rock earlier in the day, even though it feels like it was more than a year ago.
20754	Guess there's nothing to do but wait it out.
20755	Ugh, there he goes again, bothering you. He is so impatient. Doesn't he realize how time consuming it is preparing for the holidays? He's just going to have to hold his stupid angry alien space horses.
20756	Wait... you almost forgot, it's still April, and nowhere near the holiday season. You guess all this wintry weather tricked you into thinking it was.
20757	But wait! Even THAT doesn't make any sense, since it never snowed on your island, and you were never able to connect it with the holiday season! Boy, are you confused.
20758	But you always wanted a white Christmas, and dammit, that is what you are going to have, even though it's April, and even though you are giving all these presents to yourself, and even though Jesus Christ is no longer a relevant figure to celebrate on account of the annihilation of humanity!
20759	Oh shut up, Karkat.
20760	Karkat cannot be conveyed with a more detailed portrait yet. He is too angry, and is forced to look like shit.
20761	Maybe later if he can manage to calm down.
20762	TG: yes perfect
20763	GG: it is the prettiest tree i have ever seen!!!!!
20764	TG: ok im going to torrent you another like negative billion artifact grists
20765	GG: ok great!
20766	GG: everything about that makes total sense
20767	TG: yeah
20768	TG: now draw the conksuckiest boot you ever drew
20769	GG: ok
20770	GG: is this conksucky enough
20771	TG: its the conksuckiest piece of fucking shit that ever still somehow qualified as a boot
20772	GG: <3
20773	TG: you just know imigrants were responsible
20774	GG: well...
20775	GG: i am not even sure if i am technically a u.s. citizen!
20776	TG: yeah see what i mean
20777	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/andthenightbeforechristmas.jpg" border="0" />
20778	You have put a lot of thought into this and you have some great ideas.
20779	But first you would like to make something practical. Something to keep you warm in this chilly weather!
20780	You combine Rose's HEADBAND with... some sort of of fluffy ball you drew?
20781	This isn't really working. Also, this pointless thing was absurdly expensive for some reason.
20782	You simply draw a pair of earmuffs, and make them. Yay!
20783	You make a pair of LUNCHMUFFS! Finally, an easy hands-free computing solution that keeps your ears warm, and looks amazing to boot!
20784	You figure as long as you have the LUNCHTOP card handy, you might as well try to do something with this dumb JOHNNY 5 GHOST IMAGE you accidentally made once.
20785	You don't even know what this robot's deal is. You've never seen this stupid movie.
20786	You make the JOHNNYTOP!
20787	Finally, a difficult to use hands-on computing solution that does nothing but roll around of his own accord while talking about his emotions and reading books fast!
20788	FINALLY!!!!!!
20789	You decide to cut to the chase and do something that will have indisputably cool results.
20790	You go to one of the stairwell rooms and carefully observe the armor while you sketch it. You have secretly wondered whether your grandpa was actually Iron Man in his younger years. It would explain so many things, including why this armor is here.
20791	You make the IRON LASS SUIT!
20792	It's quite stylish, but maybe a bit cumbersome for casual wear. Probably only good for special occasions.
20793	If you are going to adopt a new regular outfit, you'd prefer something a little comfier and less ostentatious, and if possible, in less flagrant violation of copyright laws.
20794	You sketch one of his silly sun-bleached blue lady portraits. He would be so proud.
20795	You make the DRESS OF ECLECTICA!
20796	This is so much better.
20797	You lost your MAGIC CUE BALL in the explosion, so you will have to draw it and hope your modus knows what you're getting at.
20798	You have been dying to see its predictions, and you think you are on to something here!
20799	Sadly, the modus interprets your circle as a boring and useless MAGIC 8 BALL.
20800	Oh well, you guess you'll do it anyway.
20801	You make a TRANSPARENT MAGIC 8 BALL!
20802	You can now see inside, and watch the dark water sloshing about the cavity in the globe.
20803	The predictions seem kind of lame when you can see all the other possibilities tumbling around in there. Kind of makes the fortune feel irrelevant.
20804	You make the SOOTH SPECS!
20805	Now you can see everything, albeit through a dizzying fisheye filter.
20806	You make the JUNIOR COMPU-SOOTH SPECTAGOGGLES!
20807	You can never have too many cool computers.
20808	You grab one of your grandpa's softest trophies and use it to make a really stylish WARM FUZZY SQUIDDLEJACKET!
20809	You do the exact same thing to your shoes to create a matching pair of SQUIDDLESNEAKS!
20810	The jacket and the shoes are ALSO computers. You will never be caught without a computer, ever.
20811	You are suddenly feeling more fashionable than any kid in paradox space. All of the style belongs to you. The only thing left to do is make yourself deadlier.
20812	You make a GIRL'S BEST FRIEND!
20813	Pew pew pew!
20814	You still have this CHARLES DUTTON GHOST IMAGE you accidentally made.
20815	You...
20816	You are not sure what to do with this gentleman, if anything.
20817	Oh well, when in doubt, squiddle it!
20818	You made a DUTTLE!
20819	The duttle is weirding you out a little. You believe you will keep your distance from the duttle.
20820	You put the leering duttle out of your mind and try to sketch one of the pieces of equipment from your destroyed room to the best of your recollection.
20821	Hopefully it works, so you can try making something sweet.
20822	It worked! The result is a huge kickass PROTON CANNON.
20823	Obviously you can only wield this weapon in your IRON LASS SUIT.
20824	Or you would, if you were able to afford the thing.
20825	Dave turbo-torrented you a lot of grist, but you don't have THAT much.
20826	You made the DEAD SHUFFLE DRESS!
20827	While wearing this outfit, you almost feel as if you were ripped straight from the animes!
20828	You make the GREEN SUN STREETSWEEPER! Aw yeah.
20829	Ok how about one more outfit. Outfits are the best, you think.
20830	You make the THREE IN THE MORNING DRESS!
20831	It is so fancy. You cannot imagine wearing it on anything other than super special occasions. Not to mention you'll freeze your ass off in this thing!
20832	You still have this MECHA GHOST IMAGE you made a while ago, by accident as usual. Might as well throw a bunch of crazy shit together and see what sort of insane loot crops up.
20833	The suspense is almost too much.
20834	You make...
20835	YOU MAKE...........
20836	JOHNNY 5.
20837	God dammit.
20838	Motherfucker thinks he's alive.
20839	HE IS A TIN CAN, ROBOTS DON'T HAVE FEELINGS.
20840	You make the DUTTON BUBBLE GOGGLES!
20841	You can see into eternity.
20842	Forever.
20843	Ok that's enough.
20844	HAPPY APRIL 13TH, 2009 EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!!!!!
20845	All of your computers light up at once as some douche bag starts hassling you, whoever this douche bag might be.
20846	You will have to remember to keep most of these computers turned off.
20847	CA: noww that youre done makin all that pointless rubbish
20848	CA: ivve got somethin wway more wworth your wwhile
20849	GG: which one were you again?
20850	GG: wait
20851	GG: werent you the guy who was always trying to hit on me??
20852	CA: that couldvve been anyone
20853	CA: lets not get distracted by your sad league of suitors and their flushed desperations
20854	CA: im offerin you the edge here
20855	CA: in your rivvalry wwith the other female
20856	GG: uh...
20857	CA: wwevve got the same abstratus
20858	CA: and i dont need this thing anymore
20859	CA: since i became more powwerful than you could evver imagine as a mighty wwizard of wwhite science
20860	CA: so you might as wwell take it and settle your score wwith that awwful wwitch
20861	GG: but
20862	GG: im the wwitch!
20863	GG: i mean witch
20864	CA: yeah ok the seer then if you wwant to be dealin wwith technicalities
20865	GG: rose?
20866	GG: i do not have a score to settle with rose!!!
20867	GG: why would you think that?
20868	CA: oh
20869	CA: wwell fuck
20870	CA: suppose i wwas guessin it wwas natural to presume somesuch relation like that betwween the twwo a you
20871	GG: i think you are projecting your own attitude on to others
20872	GG: just because you tend to hate and/or hit on everyone you meet doesnt mean everyone else is that way
20873	GG: rose just sent me a code for a crystal ball, shes my friend and is basically the best!
20874	CA: oh i see so she shared her "magic secrets" wwith you then
20875	CA: its probably a trap i wwouldnt trust her
20876	CA: she is a cunnin and treacherous sort trust me i knoww her type
20877	GG: wait do you have a thing for her too???
20878	GG: did she reject you or something?
20879	CA: you are slingin around such a bloody mess of slander wwith these accusations
20880	CA: you wwouldnt understand anywway
20881	CA: its already been painfully established you people cant get your shalloww think pans under the majesty of our quadrants
20882	GG: :|
20883	CA: if you must knoww things betwween us wwere gettin pretty bellicose and im pretty sure she wwas wwaxin as obsidian for me as a human got it in em to do
20884	CA: and if not for the interdimensional divvide keepin us apart honestly i dont doubt our rivvalry could be brewwin outright pitch
20885	GG: uh huh...
20886	CA: but the thing is i need a rivval wwho can pose me a challenge
20887	CA: and frankly shes not evven fit for holdin my cape anymore
20888	CA: at this point i find all her adorable black pixie dabblins to be prime kiddie playtime shit
20889	CA: all of her FRAUDULENT MAGICS cannot come close to posin threat to my mastery ovver the TRUEST SCIENCES
20890	CA: an wwith my empiricists wwand i servve as the righteous hope that wwill incinerate delusion and the deluded alike
20891	CA: my holy fire is the wwhite fury bled from the wwrath-wweary eyes of fifty thousand nonfictional angels
20892	CA: and wwhen theyre finished wweepin they wwill boww before their prince
20893	GG: wow what are you talking about
20894	CA: so really you should be honored to inherit my old callin
20895	CA: both my armaments and my feud
20896	CA: itll be wwitch against wwitch
20897	CA: a real one vvs an impostor
20898	CA: faker one dies
20899	GG: hey look at that, time for me to get going!
20900	CA: oh wwill you just take the fuckin gun already
20901	GG: no i dont want it!!!!!
20902	CA: its a wway more powwerful wweapon than any of that crap you made
20903	CA: its a legendary relic wwithout equal
20904	GG: more like a legendary piece of shit!
20905	CA: youre bein needlessly fuckin stubborn about this im doin you a fuckin favvor here
20906	GG: yes but i dont like you very much and i feel really icky about accepting a present from you
20907	CA: if you accept it this is the last ill evver be botherin you about anythin ok
20908	GG: siiigh
20909	GG: fine
20910	CA: FFFFFFWW
20911	GG: what?
20912	CA: thats the code
20913	GG: oh...
20914	GG: hmmm...
20915	GG: i have seen this before
20916	CA: howws that possible
20917	CA: its a one of a kind wweapon plundered from an alternian ghost ship
20918	GG: i am very sure its the same rifle included with johns present
20919	GG: but...
20920	GG: bigger of course
20921	CA: probably a cheap imitation of the original
20922	CA: uh
20923	CA: kind of like that one there is
20924	CA: so theres your answwer stable loops ahoy
20925	CA: noww enjoy the utter fuckin domination it affords
20926	GG: yes but....
20927	GG: i did not provide the weapons!
20928	GG: my penpal did
20929	CA: wwhos that
20930	GG: the guy who helps me build the present
20931	GG: we worked on it together but he supplied the bunnys weapons
20932	GG: im pretty sure hes from the future!
20933	CA: wwhy
20934	GG: because he said hes my grandson
20935	CA: wwhat the fuck is a grandson
20936	CA: is that some kind of pervverse human familial thing
20937	GG: umm yes
20938	CA: nevvermind then your procreational biologistics make my fins curl in distaste
20939	GG: oh no!!!!!
20940	GG: aaaaa please dont tell anyone i told you about him!
20941	GG: augh how could i let that slip to you of all people
20942	CA: settle dowwn jade youre radically underestimatin the amount of shit i dont givve about this
20943	CA: ill havve you knoww this is the last time im plannin on talkin to any human
20944	CA: i got bigger ships to sink and soon wwhen im good and ready me and my luminous fuckin science stick havve got a date wwith jack noir
20945	CA: AND NO NOT THAT KIND OF DATE GIVVE ME A LITTLE FUCKIN CREDIT
20946	GG: wow ok!!!!
20947	GG: i wasnt going to say anything
20948	CA: wwhys this matter so hush hush anywway
20949	GG: he didnt want me to tell my friends who he really was
20950	GG: i guess maybe he was concerned about upsetting the timeline? i dunno
20951	CA: wwell maybe he didnt wwanna disrupt wwhatevver disgustin sequence of evvents wwas responsible for his spawwnin in the first place
20952	GG: maybe!
20953	GG: i have wondered about that, assuming he is right...
20954	GG: he was so nice, and it really did feel like i was talking to family, so i really dont think he was making it up
20955	GG: i couldnt help but try to imagine his parents...
20956	GG: and more interestingly.......
20957	GG: his grandfather :O
20958	GG: i still wonder who it could be...
20959	GG: although i guess at this point
20960	GG: the options are pretty limited :o
20961	CA: ok i think im startin to feel ill talkin about things makin me fathom pink wwigglers comin out a your owwn personal torso
20962	CA: so change a fuckin subject
20963	CA: that gun i just gavve you is somethin of a hatchright to the kid
20964	CA: happy i could play a role in your dirty stinkin lineage
20965	GG: like an heirloom? i guess it could be
20966	GG: do you even have those? if you dont have parents how could you?
20967	CA: no wwe dont knoww our direct forebears and im pretty sure any attempt to seek out or evven inquire about the supplier of your genes wwould be a fine wway to get yourself killed
20968	CA: but wwevve got our lore and it says wwe all got indivvidual ancestors wwho contribute to most of our genes abovve and beyond wwhat the grubs slurry does
20969	GG: ewwwwwwww
20970	CA: oh shut up
20971	CA: anywway a lot of us believve wwere meant to trace the footsteps of those ancestors evven though wwe can nevver knoww em
20972	CA: and on that journey wwe can come across belongings they once had cause wwe wwere hatched to find em and finish their wwork
20973	CA: i kinda think thats wwhy i found the gun in the first place
20974	CA: but noww im forsakin it because fuck i just found a better destiny than my old crappy one wwhich i nevver got any appreciation for anywway
20975	GG: hmmmm
20976	GG: then maybe that is how this heirloom should work
20977	CA: wwhat do you mean
20978	GG: well i dont want to use it!
20979	CA: aww man come on
20980	GG: so ill just dump it outside the house with the trash
20981	GG: and if it is fated to find my penpal one day then so be it!
20982	CA: god damn it
20983	CA: its like you people go out of your wway to think a howw to disrespect me
20984	GG: maybe you should have been nicer to me!
20985	GG: in any case i dont appreciate the spirit in which the gift was given so this is what i will do!
20986	CA: fine fuck it wwhat do i care
20987	CA: this has been a completely flippin useless exchange as havve they all been wwith your species
20988	CA: and for the record
20989	CA: evven though i said that stuff about bein fated to find my gun
20990	CA: fate isnt real
20991	CA: its a lot of FAKE FUCKIN HORSEFEATHERS
20992	CA: noww go and be cleansed by the light of truth purity nonfakeness hope and abovve all SCIENCE
20993	gardenGnostic's johnnytop exploded.
20994	AA: hi
20995	TA: hii?
20996	AA: i guess i sh0uld say s0mething
20997	AA: bef0re i g0
20998	TA: aradiia, ii am riight glubbiing here, liike two feet away from you.
20999	TA: iif you want two 2ay 2omethiing two me why don't you ju2t turn two your left and 2ay iit, iit'2 bad enough that you've hardly 2aiid two lou2y word2 two me 2iince you became that 2weaty a22hole'2 2moochbot.
21000	AA: i kn0w
21001	AA: but this is hard f0r me
21002	TA: how ii2 iit hard.
21003	TA: you are a tiin can, robot2 don't have feeliing2.
21004	AA: n0 thats n0t true
21005	TA: ok then, what ii2 iit.
21006	AA: s0rry ab0ut everything
21007	AA: and all the bad luck y0uve had
21008	AA: y0u didnt deserve it
21009	AA: i have t0 g0 n0w
21010	TA: what, where are you goiing?
21011	AA: im n0t sure
21012	TA: er, cool ii gue22??
21013	AA: anyway thats it
21014	TA: waiit.
21015	TA: you mean for good, wiill ii see you agaiin?
21016	AA: i d0nt kn0w that either
21017	AA: but i guess if y0u d0
21018	AA: pr0bably n0t with y0ur eyes
21019	TA: what the hell i2 that 2uppo2ed two mean?
21020	AA: i think y0ull be 0k with it th0ugh
21021	AA: 0_0
21022	AA: i wish
21023	AA: i c0uld s0meh0w make that em0tic0n smile
21024	AA: 0u0
21025	AA: n0 that l00ks stupid
21026	AA: 0h well
21027	Come on buddy, turn that 0_0 into a 0u0!
21028	wait
21029	No that looks stupid.
21030	Oh well.
21031	TG: well that was apparently pointless
21032	TG: now what
21033	TG: hello
21034	TG: terezi
21035	TG: whats up
21036	GC: >:[
21037	These things cost a fortune to make. They better do something awesome.
21038	AND IT TURNS OUT THEY DO!
21039	The sophisticated computing technology merged with the crystal ball provides a simple way to see anything going on right now in the incipisphere! How amazing is that?
21040	As the Witch of Space, you figure it's about time you got better acquainted with the full breadth of your domain, which is to say, all physical locations.
21041	There he is. On the battlefield no less! That's a pretty cute outfit he's got on. You wonder what he did to make it?
21042	You also wonder why he's not answering your messages. Does he even have a computer on him?? He should try to have more foresight, and carry no less than 5 computers on him at all times, like a sensible person.
21043	There she is! What is she doing on the lava planet?
21044	She seemed awfully preoccupied when you spoke with her moments ago and she gave you the code for the crystal ball. You wonder who she could be talking to?
21045	According to the spectagoggles, there are currently 13 Daves scattered around the incipisphere, including Davesprite. That is an absolutely preposterous amount of Daves.
21046	You guess Davesprite is the one prototyped by his future self that John was telling you about? Dave sure is a clever guy. Might as well have a look...
21047	The goggles zero in on a pendant. Which is... covered in blood?
21048	oh nooooooo
21049	It seems that Dave is no longer too cool to have any dead family members. This is so sad.
21050	Hang on...
21051	The Davecount suddenly dropped from 13 to 12. Maybe one of them time traveled away? You hope it doesn't mean what you think it...
21052	OH NOOOOOOO
21053	GG: dave!!!!!!
21054	GG: any dave out there please listen!
21055	TG: this is a dave out there whats up
21056	GG: dave i just saw you, and you were dead!
21057	GG: you were in a green suit and covered in blood, oh god it was terrible :(
21058	GG: if that was a future dave you have to make sure that doesnt happen!!!
21059	TG: it wasnt a future dave he was from a while ago
21060	GG: oh
21061	GG: i am confused :o
21062	TG: sorry you had to see that
21063	TG: but dont worry it was just a doomed dave no big deal really
21064	TG: i was swindled into splitting time paths along the way and that guy got the dead end of the stick
21065	TG: ill be fine
21066	GG: ok...
21067	GG: i am still not sure i get that!
21068	GG: but i guess i am relieved?
21069	TG: yes you are go ahead and be relieved
21070	GG: wheeeew! there i just was
21071	TG: nice
21072	GG: how did that poor dave die?
21073	GG: was it jack?
21074	TG: yeah
21075	TG: hes pretty much the guy in charge of random teleportation murders right now
21076	GG: D:
21077	GG: what about your...
21078	GG: um....
21079	GG: oh no i dont even know if you know about this
21080	TG: what
21081	TG: my bro
21082	TG: yeah jack killed him too
21083	GG: ;_;
21084	GG: is it something you would like to talk about
21085	TG: not much to talk about
21086	TG: this is some pretty serious existence threatening shit going down and some people are going to die i guess
21087	TG: even crazy hard dudes like my bro slash weird covert biological ghost dad
21088	GG: ghost dad???
21089	TG: yeah roses too
21090	TG: i thought john filled you in on the ectobiology stuff
21091	GG: oh...
21092	GG: yes he mentioned something about it
21093	GG: i guess i didnt realize its full implications....
21094	GG: but time was short when we talked!
21095	TG: bottom line is were all related slimewise except you and me and him and rose pairways respectively
21096	TG: makes the shipping chart pretty simple here hang on while i dig up that piece of shit karkat made
21097	TG: where the fuck did that thing go
21098	TG: fuck it never mind
21099	TG: just imagine something ugly made by a jackass
21100	GG: ugh i forgot i still have to get back to him
21101	GG: its like a big unpleasant chore hanging over my head D:
21102	TG: i guess
21103	GG: anyway dave im really sorry about your bro/dad
21104	GG: you were pretty close with him right?
21105	TG: meh it was a pretty bizarre relationship by any standard
21106	TG: fightin off wave after wave of face pumicing puppet ass every day
21107	TG: always being on guard for stealth attacks in the middle of the night while getting up to go to the fucking bathroom
21108	GG: heheh
21109	TG: but i guess it all sorta amounted to some vague unspoken semblance of kinship
21110	TG: if thats a thing
21111	TG: like if honor among thieves is something then lets call it camaraderie among ironic rapping roof ninjas
21112	TG: but thanks
21113	GG: sure
21114	TG: i thought about taking his sword
21115	TG: when i was there
21116	TG: but i couldnt
21117	TG: couldnt really bring myself to try to pull it out it was too weird
21118	GG: dave we have to stop him!!!!!
21119	TG: what
21120	GG: jack!
21121	GG: he shouldnt get away with this
21122	TG: you think
21123	GG: yes
21124	GG: why dont you stop jumping around through time like a maniac and stop being like a hundred daves all the time and come to my house so we can make a plan to kill him??
21125	TG: well id like to
21126	TG: but im still trapped in the chronologistics of this fuckin one man ballet
21127	TG: there are loops outstanding and if i step out of line you get to see more bloody daves
21128	TG: im getting pretty sick of it but i think itll be over soon
21129	TG: then ill break out and ride linear the rest of the way i think
21130	TG: once its time to put the end game in motion
21131	TG: til then youre on your own for a while
21132	GG: oh :(
21133	TG: besides we cant beat him
21134	TG: look what he did to bro and davesprite together
21135	TG: im at the top of my echeladder with all the fraymotifs and i stand no chance
21136	TG: johns even better than that even though he doesnt know it at the moment
21137	TG: and he stands no chance either
21138	TG: only thing we can do is hold out until the scratch
21139	GG: what is the scratch?
21140	TG: guess i shouldnt really say
21141	TG: since you sort of lead the way in making that plan
21142	GG: really??
21143	TG: yeah well
21144	TG: suffice to say
21145	TG: if we cant beat him
21146	TG: all we can really do is exile him to a place where he cant teleport back
21147	TG: which hopefully buys us some time
21148	TG: to try to take out his power source in a crazy suicide mission
21149	GG: hmmmm...
21150	GG: so was that like a hint?
21151	GG: about what im supposed to do :D
21152	TG: kinda
21153	GG: well maybe im just being naive...
21154	GG: but a crazy suicide mission does not sound like the ideal solution to me!
21155	GG: are you suuuure we cant beat him?
21156	GG: i dont know if we should rule it out!
21157	TG: well
21158	TG: youre about to do what youre about to do
21159	TG: and im not going to tell you not to
21160	TG: i wont do the bullshit troll thing and tell you what youre going to do and then just dare you not to
21161	TG: while knowing damn well you will anyway
21162	TG: so ill just say
21163	TG: whats next is up to you
21164	TG: and if later you want to talk about it
21165	TG: im here
21166	GG: ok
21167	GG: thanks dave!
21168	You don't know what you're about to do!
21169	But you've got to do something. You can't stand by and let that monster teleport-murder people all day, and frankly, the suicide plan Dave mentioned sounds just plain stupid. There must be a better way. Think, imagination!
21170	You suddenly remember the idea your awkward fairy god troll proposed. Maybe you were too hard on him. He was just trying to be nice, and it was an honest mistake when he slaughtered your grandfather ghost dad with his own childhood flintlock pistol. Maybe you should give his plan another chance.
21171	GG: hey tavros!
21172	GG: i was thinking about your plan
21173	GG: about uh...
21174	GG: "communing" with my lusus :)
21175	GG: maybe its not a bad idea!
21176	GG: are you there?
21177	GG: hmm, i guess you are off doing something else
21178	GG: oh well, hope youre doing ok....
21179	GG: talk to you later!
21180	You don't think you can afford to wait around for him. This leaves the only other plan you can think of. One of last resort.
21181	Maybe it's for the best this way anyway. Who better to trust for the job?
21182	You prepare a delicious meal to summon your loyal lusus you mean dog.
21183	You enter the spooky old lab. You don't come here often.
21184	Huh? For a split second, you thought you saw something flash on the FENESTRATED WALL there. Probably just your mind playing spooky tricks on you.
21185	You never had any idea what that thing was for.
21186	Becquerel comes quickly at the promise of irradiated steak. He is such a good boy, and truly the best friend a girl could ever hope for.
21187	You're sure gonna miss him!
21188	JADE: hello!
21189	JADE: ummmmmm
21190	JADE: jade?
21191	JADE: can you talk?
21192	JADESPRITE: i...
21193	JADE: oh good!
21194	JADE: hehehe, i was starting to get worried there
21195	JADESPRITE: what did you do...
21196	JADESPRITE: what did you do???
21197	JADESPRITE: WHAT DID YOU DO??????
21198	JADESPRITE:
21199	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/whatdidyoudo.gif" border="0" />
21200	While a timer counts down with no particular clock stepping forward to claim it...
21201	The most important character in Homestuck fondly regards the miracle of a new beginning.
21202	BEH<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/o.gif" border="0" />LD.
21203	What are you a fucking idiot? Of course I am not Lord English. How dumb would that even be.
21204	Jesus this coat is huge. I am swimming in this garish piece of shit. Would ANYBODY fit in this thing???
21205	Why don't we cover this thing up. It would be a real shame to spoil their little moment with this nonsense.
21206	That's better.
21207	I retire to my heavily processed photograph of Andrew Carnegie's study, painstakingly retrieved from a google image search.
21208	Ms. Paint, you are doing a wonderful job. Thank you.
21209	It was also very thoughtful of you to switch the layer mode of your coat of paint to the overlay setting, so it would not obscure the details of Mr. Carnegie's lavish room.
21210	That Ms. Paint is one classy Prospitian lady. She is the model of grace and beauty. I am always a bit flustered in her presence, especially when she carries her little pail around like that.
21211	Whereas THIS lazy sack of crap here makes me sick to my stomach.
21212	Cal, God damn it. We were all supposed to dress up for this. It doesn't look like you even touched that nice suit I sewed for you, let alone swapped your eyes with those billiard balls and make them alternate rapidly.
21213	This insubordination is putting me in a foul mood. It's bad enough I just had to take Falcor out behind the woodshed and blow his brains out after he caught the rabies.
21214	Got a lot of typing to do. Hope the ribbon holds up.
21215	I should probably bust out that shitty drawing of myself again so I can type as quickly as possible.
21216	Whoops, needs the Felt duds. Hang on.
21217	Awesome, works for me.
21218	No no this is not nearly fast enough, or jittery enough. Come on, I can do better than that.
21219	Let's go, dude. Recap it like you mean it.
21220	After Act 4, we began Act 5 Act 1, otherwise known as Hivebent. We were introduced to 12 trolls from a planet called Alternia, which resides in another universe. We followed these trolls as they played their own 12 player session of Sburb (or to them, Sgrub) to completion. A whole bunch of stuff happened along the way. In completing the game, they created a universe - our universe, home to Earth and our four heroes. But they were denied entry into the new universe due to an encounter with an indestructible demon. This demon was the four-times-prototyped Jack Noir from the kids' session, forced into the trolls' session due to a spacetime rift the kids would later cause, called a scratch. The trolls fled to the veil, discovered the existence of the kids, and began trolling them.
21221	Then Act 5 Act 2 started.
21222	Through a Trollian viewport, we see John moments before the scratch is initiated, wearing his god tier Heir of Breath suit, in the Land of Heat and Clockwork (LOHAC), about to put in motion a plan he, the other kids, and the trolls all helped orchestrate to cause the scratch. This is the first conversation Karkat ever has with John, and the last John has with Karkat, pre-scratch. Karkat proceeds to troll John backwards through his timeline. John knows increasingly little, while Karkat gradually begins to understand more.
21223	EVENTS FROM KARKAT'S PERSPECTIVE
21224	10:25 (10 hours, 25 minutes) before some CRITICAL MOMENT, Jack arrives and destroys the gateway to the new universe. Aradia transports all the trolls to the veil to hide. Her army of doomed duplicates takes on Jack. They are all destroyed. The trolls find a computer lab in the veil, and stay there for most of the time remaining before the CRITICAL MOMENT, to occur at 00:00.
21225	06:12 before CRITICAL MOMENT, Jack destroys Prospit. Shortly before this, Kanaya chainsawed off Tavros's legs to replace them with robotic legs supplied by Equius. At the sight of this, Karkat faints, and for the first time, his dream self wakes up on Prospit. He is awake for only a moment before he sees Jack, and finally recognizes him as Jack Noir, rather than the heretofore unidentified demon. Jack then kills him and all the other Prospit dreamers in the process of destroying the planet.
21226	Karkat remains asleep for an hour, until 05:12:30 before CRITICAL MOMENT, exactly half way through countdown. While sleeping post-dream death, he dreams of horrorterrors in the Furthest Ring, an experience anyone will have if sleeping after dream death. On waking up, he orders everyone not to sleep. He also wakes up to news that the humans were discovered. Neither he nor the other trolls understand the significance of the humans right away. They were discovered when Terezi was wired 413 boonbonds from Dave, on her future instruction. She urges Karkat to take a closer look at them. He dismisses them as irrelevant.
21227	It's not until later he makes the connection between the Jack Noir in the kids' session, and the one hunting them down, recognizing them to be the same Jack, therefore placing the kids at fault for the current predicament. He then conceives of the plan to troll the humans, as a futile form of payback, and urges his team to follow suit with a compelling speech. He isolates John as the primary target of his hatred after watching him grow up. He is sure John is fated to be his kismesis, a romantic partner specific to troll culture, centered around rivalry and loathing. In his first conversation with John in the Heir suit on LOHAC, he professes these feelings clumsily. John cannot reciprocate. The awkward exchange causes Karkat to trap himself into continuing backwards on John's timeline, and the trolling continues in reverse fashion until John's first conversation with Karkat. By then, Karkat has explained many things to John along his journey, things about the game, about his role as an ectobiologist, and about their shared chief adversary, Jack Noir. In John's first conversation with Karkat, Karkat needs to get in touch with Jade. It's at this point on Karkat's timeline he has finally understood enough that he knows he must begin making plans with the kids for their mutual benefit.
21228	Karkat attempts to get in touch with Jade, who continues to ignore him in a particular timeframe due to his persistent previous harassment of her in years prior. He leaves a message to her months in the past, telling her she needs to get in touch with him when her robot explodes. Her robot later finally does explode when her dream self is killed in the impact of Prospit's moon on the battlefield. When she wakes up, she remembers the message, and contacts him. But she contacts him at a point in his timeline where he is not yet interested in hearing from her. He argues with her, and is interrupted by his future self in a memo, from a time where he is trying to contact her. He and his future self argue, and Jade mediates between the two and becomes angry and frustrated, and ceases the correspondence.
21229	By this point, the biggest meteor yet is approaching quickly, and she must enter the medium to escape. She requires John's assistance. He must recover the server disc, install it, and rescue her.
21230	EVENTS FROM JOHN'S PERSPECTIVE
21231	John sleeps on bro's rocket board, flying along with the meteors of the reckoning. He lands back on his planet, the Land of Wind and Shade (LOWAS). His dream self had awoken after dream Jade pushed him to safety from the blast of Prospit's moon. His dream self now exists on the battlefield, awake whenever John sleeps. He wanders the battlefield with his robot bunny, who he would later name Liv Tyler. He sees his dad and Rose's mom, and runs to meet them. But he wakes up before reaching them, and his dream self disappears. The ring he was carrying falls into a ravine below, later to be recovered by WV?, before his exile to post apocalypse Earth.
21232	Vriska was responsible for waking him up. Upon discovering John, she takes an interest in his advancement, and uses her abilities to help him progress and set up critical events along his timeline. The only effect her abilities have on humans is to wake them up or put them to sleep. In this case, she woke him up so he would be able to receive the server disc about to come out of a parcel pyxis. The disc had been deposited into the pipeline by PM some time ago. She and John continue to converse, and he befriends her, oblivious to the true nature of her schemes. She functions as his "patron troll", a troll who is particularly focused on helping one of the kids, like Terezi is with Dave, and Kanaya is with Rose.
21233	John returns to his house, and installs the server. But not before touching base with Rose, who is committed to cracking open the secrets of the game through dark magic, and Dave who is from the future, having time traveled extensively over the course of the 24 hour reckoning period. John also encounters nanna, who gives him a pendant granting him the ability to summon her. She conjures a ghost bed for him, and cooks for him with a ghost oven. He floats on his bed high above LOWAS while he connects to Jade.
21234	Jade, who had woken up in her bed at the foot of the hill, returns to her house to find John setting up the equipment. John deploys the alchemiter and lathe in her greenhouse, and the cruxtruder in front of her fireplace. He opens the cruxtruder and discovers there are 10 minutes and 25 seconds until impact. They discuss what to prototype with, if anything. Rose warns him of the danger of failing to prototype, which would not allow the battlefield to heal, evolve to its final form, and grow the Tumor inside, which is critical to her plan to destroy the Green Sun.
21235	John resolves to prototype with the blue doll, missing an arm and an eye, to deliberately disable Jack. But Vriska puts him to sleep before he can. Becquerel then prototypes himself to destroy the meteor and save Jade.
21236	As he sleeps, John's ghost bed crashes into an oil ocean below. He loses his computer with the server disc in it, and nanna's pendant. He hops to a small island. He notices the ocean is on fire over the horizon, and the fire is approaching. He talks to Rose, who informs him Jade entered while he slept, and is safe. She tells him about a quest he'll need to go on later, to recover the Tumor from the battlefield and bring it to her. He then talks to Karkat, who is speaking to him for only the second time from Karkat's perspective. Karkat explains exactly what the kids did that made him decide to troll them. He blames Jade for prototyping Bec, creating Bec Noir who is now terrorizing the trolls' session, while blaming John for allowing it to happen.
21237	Meanwhile, the fire is approaching his island, and has turned green due to Bec Noir's transformation, taking place during a duel with bro and Davesprite elsewhere on LOWAS. John is contacted by Vriska, who admits to putting him in this position to challenge him, to realize his potential as the Heir of Breath. She also admits to deliberately playing a role in the creation of Bec Noir, wanting to be involved in his rise just as she also plans to be the one to kill him. She explains that regardless of her actions leading to his rise, his existence in the troll session is immutable. Due to the nature of paradox space, that outcome could not be changed with different actions. The only consequence of different actions would be an offshoot timeline, in which all participants would be doomed.
21238	As the fire surrounds him, she encourages him to use his abilities, and with some coaxing from WV who commands him from his station, he does the Windy Thing. The Breeze surrounds LOWAS and puts out the fire completely, and blows John to a larger landmass, just outside a village. The Breeze also clears the clouds from the sky, but they return shortly, as the spell over the planet must be broken by other means. By unlocking this ability, he reaches the top of the echeladder and becomes the Heir Transparent. Vriska then informs him the only thing left to do is reach the god tier, which is done by sleeping on his Quest Bed which is nearby. She tells him to ask the locals about it. He does, and finds the Quest Bed beyond the village. He sits in the bed but isn't tired. Vriska gives him the choice of whether he would like her to put him to sleep. He agrees. While he sleeps, Jack Noir finds him and stabs him through the chest, killing him.
21239	WV watches his death on the monitor and commands him to rise up. WV sees nothing except fireflies gather around John's body, while the Quest Bed glows. After the spectacle, there is no change. John's body remains motionless, and the monitor shuts off. WV believes John has died. And he is right.
21240	But on the battlefield, his dream self appears lying on a corresponding Quest Bed. His dream self slowly takes on the signs of the wound inflicted on his real self, as it rises. His dream self then takes over as his real self, with all wounds healed, as the fully realized Heir of Breath. WV?, pre-exile, watches this happen on the battlefield. He remembers this moment long after his exile, without understanding what transpired. But on Earth, WV believes he has just witnessed the end of John's quest. WV is still in possession of the ring, and has accidentally locked himself in the station, and there is not enough power to unlock it. The only source of power is a lump of uranium which he ate hours ago. So he waits.
21241	John now wanders the battlefield, poised to complete the objective he was given by Rose.
21242	EVENTS FROM ROSE'S PERSPECTIVE
21243	Rose uses her dark magic to search for ways to subvert the usual course of the game and overcome the futility of the situation, with assistance from her patron troll Kanaya, counsel from the gods of the Furthest Ring, and information provided by Doc Scratch.
21244	Kanaya begins trolling Rose suspecting her to be the author of the GameFAQ guide she read on Alternia, a figure she grew up idolizing. But she becomes disappointed with her due to a series of miscues resulting from her sporadic, nonlinear trolling. She continues conversing with her nonlinearly, engaging in a feud of snarky one-upmanship, gradually befriending her. She eventually realizes Rose is the true author of the guide when she watches her destroy the gate above her house with magic. She then continues helping her in a more linear fashion, uncovering the secrets of the game, and sharing her own extensive knowledge of the game with her. Ultimately, as Kanaya begins to understand the true nature of Rose's plan, she becomes afraid Rose is dangerous. She is especially unnerved by the fact that soon on Rose's timeline, her viewport goes dark, and she can no longer be monitored. But she acknowledges she can do nothing to stop her. So she trains Eridan to become a powerful white wizard of hope to challenge her, as a joke.
21245	A particular target of Rose's investigation is the Green Sun. She rips apart underground ruins to retrieve information on it, and is further informed by Doc Scratch on the subject. The Green Sun is a huge star nearly twice the mass of the universe. It resides somewhere in the Furthest Ring, and serves as the power source to all first guardians. Bec was Earth's first guardian, and when he became prototyped, Jack inherited all his powers, which are supplied by the Green Sun. Doc Scratch is the first guardian of Alternia.
21246	Doc Scratch, like Bec, is a virtually omnipotent being, with all the same powers. Unlike Bec, he is an intelligent host to those powers, and is therefore also omniscient. His job is to pave the way for the arrival of his employer, an indestructible time traveling demon called Lord English. Lord English can only enter a universe upon its death, at which point he travels back in time to an earlier point in the universe's lifespan to assume leadership of his gang of mobsters called The Felt. His machinations, like Scratch's, are in part designed to bring about his own future entrance. Before the trolls began their session, Scratch took measures to both pave the way for English to arrive, as well as contribute to his own creation. First guardians have circuitous self-fulfilling origins, much like the players of Sburb. Bec was created in a lab through ectobiology by merging the ghost slime image of grandpa's dog Harley with Rose's MEOW code. Scratch had a similar but yet unknown origin. Scratch manipulated several members of the trolls' party into playing Sburb (Sgrub) in the first place. Notably, he manipulated Vriska into killing Aradia, who as a ghost became the primary orchestrator of the session. He was also used as something of a pawn himself, by Terezi, in exacting revenge against Vriska, causing her to lose an eye and an arm. This was another key moment in a critical cycle of revenge, leading to Terezi's blindness and awakening, Vriska's eventual death by Aradia's retaliation, and then Vriska's resurrection to the god tier as the Thief of Light.
21247	Having done everything he needs to do, Scratch tells Rose he wishes to die. Thus the destruction of the Green Sun is to their mutual benefit, and Rose forms a plan. While she gave the short version of the plan to John, telling him he'd need to recover the Tumor, she tells the full plan to Dave. The Tumor at the center of the battlefield is in fact a very powerful bomb, capable of destroying the Green Sun. She will go to sleep, and John will bring it to her dream self. Meanwhile, Dave is to go to sleep and listen to the gods, who will tell him how to find the sun. He will make a map, and Rose will plot a course there and destroy the Green Sun in a suicide mission. Ideally, this will negate all of Jack's powers, reducing him to mortal status again.
21248	EVENTS FROM DAVE'S PERSPECTIVE
21249	After entering the gate above his apartment, Dave begins exploring LOHAC under the guidance of his patron troll, Terezi. Her fascination with him was prompted by the money wire from his future self, which alerted her to the existence of the humans in the first place. She watched him grow up with his bro, and made some observations about humanity through his upbringing. She then committed to helping him, in part due to her rivalry with Vriska, who sought to make sure the human she favored, John, would outpace Dave.
21250	Over the course of the adventures she coordinates for him, Dave experiences about 3 days chronologically due to looping through time, and fulfilling the requirements of various time loops. The key objective is to make enough money for him to be able to wire it to her in the first place, completing the time loop that started it all. The sum of money vastly exceeds what is typically gathered in a session, and it must be accumulated by manipulating the LOHAC Stock Exchange using time travel.
21251	Along the way, Dave and Terezi befriend each other, trading comics and perpetrating financial capers. In the early going, Terezi leads him into a pot of soup prepared by his crocodile consorts, for no particular reason other than it needed to happen on his timeline. Doubtful of the need for her help, he nearly quit, but received assurance from his future self, and continued exploring.
21252	He goes underground and discovers gold ruins. Before entering, he's interrupted by Karkat who uses a memo to warn both him and John about their involvement with Terezi and Vriska, telling them the scourge sisters are partaking in a dangerous game of rivalry fueled flirtation which has gotten both him and John killed at least once each. Karkat speaks from a time in which he's aware of a plan developing which may lead to the kids and trolls meeting each other, and does not look forward to the results of the gathering if these trends continue. John and Dave disregard his advice. Dave proceeds into the ruins and finds a legendary sword, Caledfwlch, lodged in a block of gold. He breaks it to retrieve it, and is told by Davesprite that the sword is critical to his personal quest as the Knight of Time. Terezi then tells him he is about to fall asleep, without knowing Vriska was behind this nap as well. Dave goes to sleep, and Davesprite defends him from a horde of powerful monsters. Before Dave wakes up, Davesprite leaves to find bro. He does, and joins him in battle against Jack. When Jade enters, Jack transforms into Bec Noir and defeats both of them. Bro is slain by his own sword, and the body is discovered by Dave later, who can't bring himself to retrieve the sword.
21253	While sleeping in the ruins, Dave's dream self wakes up again on Derse's moon. Following Rose's advice, he looks into the sky and takes off his shades. He gets his first glimpse of the gods. He then wakes up from hearing a gunshot fired by Jade as she battles an imp and quickly teleports away, the first of three times he sees her in this manner. He sees her again in the LOHACSE, and again while visiting Jade's planet.
21254	He then goes on to make all the money needed, to buy all the fraymotifs, which are powerful battle techniques purchased from consorts, and to reach the top of his echeladder. But he still wanted to know why he would never be able to reach John's level.
21255	To satisfy his curiosity, Terezi gives him a choice somewhere in the middle of his timeline, a choice to be decided by a coin flip. He could assign the outcome of the flip to mean he would either be shown now, or later. The outcome of the flip, which Terezi did not even look at, was a constant. Two realities are created by his two possible decisions. The decision to be shown now creates a doomed reality, wherein Dave becomes doomed. The decision to wait simply continues the alpha reality, and Dave remains the alpha Dave. Doomed Dave follows Terezi's instructions, given to him before the flip. He is to go back in time, leaving his doomed timeline, and sleep on his Quest Bed, and if he has what it takes to reach his god tier, he will. Alpha Dave, after waiting some time, was instructed to go to the bed to find sleeping Dave, and kill him, thus allowing him to face the true gravity of the decision.
21256	Dave doesn't go through with it, and decides to end his collaboration with Terezi for the time being. Later, doomed Dave wakes up, gets out of bed, and is immediately killed by Jack. 03:14 before the CRITICAL MOMENT, Terezi watches, and is upset by her involvement in his death. She runs off deeper into the lab.
21257	Dave travels to Jade's planet, the Land of Frost and Frogs (LOFAF). While standing in the snow, he sees Jade appear briefly while fighting an imp, just as he did before in the ruins. He contacts her, and she mentions she has lost track of John. Dave tells her John's busy, without mentioning he was in the process of rising to the god tier. He says John can no longer be her server player, and they would have to make other plans.
21258	Dave tells her to deploy the intellibeam laserstation in his apartment. The device allows very complex captcha codes for certain items, like a Sburb disc, to be read which couldn't otherwise be read by the human eye. He then creates a copy of his own server disc, and uses it to connect as Jade's server player. He becomes the server player for both Rose and Jade, though past Dave would stay concerned with Rose's connection, while he, as future Dave, would concern himself with Jade's connection. He deploys a new alchemiter and helps her upgrade it. With his massive reserve of grist accumulated in his travels and his more advanced torrenting capabilities, he allows Jade to alchemize some sophisticated equipment right away.
21259	A bit later, she contacts him again after learning of his dead bro, and dead doomed self. He assured her the dead Dave was just a doomed copy, and he would be fine. She decides Jack needs to be stopped, and they should come up with a better plan than Rose's suicide mission to stop him. He suggests the idea is futile, but lets her know she'd come to her own decision regardless, and he'd be available to talk later if needed.
21260	EVENTS FROM JADE'S PERSPECTIVE
21261	When Jade's dream self is killed, her robot explodes, destroying her room, causing her to fall. Bec transports her bed to break her fall. She falls asleep. Now dream dead, she has a dream in a bubble blown by a god in the Furthest Ring, and meets Feferi there. Feferi, a Derse dreamer, went to sleep to convince the gods to establish dream bubbles where they can meet while asleep, as long as their dream selves are dead. While she is asleep, 04:13 before the CRITICAL MOMENT, Jack destroys the trolls' Derse, killing her and all the Derse dreamers. She, along with all the other trolls and Jade, would then only dream in the Furthest Ring, where she met Jade and attempted to show her the gods were harmless. But Jade sees through the bubble and catches a glimpse of the gods. She wakes up with a headache, scared of what she saw, and resolves to stay awake. Feferi messages her, and introduces herself as the one from the dream. It is the second time they have spoken. The first time was long ago, from Jade's perspective.
21262	Jade realizes her robot has exploded, causing her to remember that was her cue to message Karkat. She does, and the aforementioned confusion takes place in the memo with past and future Karkat. Past Karkat berates her, while future Karkat defends her. She reprimands both of them for arguing with each other, who are the same person separated by only 3 hours. Dave enters the memo and mocks future Karkat for his flirtation with Jade after the lecture he gave to John and Dave on the subject. Jade ends the conversation, and is in no particular hurry to get back to him about the important matter he wanted to discuss.
21263	The meteor impact is imminent. John connects with her, and helps her prepare for entry. She makes her entry item from the pre-punched card. A tree sprouts from the alchemiter, and a green Bec-shaped pinata dangles from a branch. A green blindfold appears over her eyes, which she cannot remove. She attempts to strike the pinata with the butt of the rifle, which does no damage. Instead it releases a burst of energy, causing the greenhouse to explode, and Jade to fly out and fall. While falling, she takes a shot in the dark with her rifle. By this point, Bec has prototyped himself to become Becsprite, and has destroyed the meteor with a massive green energy blast, releasing a huge shockwave spreading over the surface of the Earth, destroying much of what hadn't been already by the meteor storm of the reckoning. Becsprite then appears in front of her bullet, and redirects it into the head of the pinata, destroying it. Jade, her house, and a large part of her island including the volcano, are all transported into the medium, on LOFAF.
21264	She falls through the snow of LOFAF, now unblindfolded. Becsprite again breaks her fall with a bed, and again she falls asleep. She has a recollection of sitting on her bed back on Earth some time ago, working on John's present. It's then that Feferi contacts her the first time. Jade believes she is trolling her like the others, but she only means to reassure her what happened wasn't her fault, as well as inform her of her plan to establish the dream bubbles. But soon, both realize this is not a memory, but a dream they are currently sharing, with the memory as a stage. Feferi meets Jade in her room and compliments her on her work on the bunny. Feferi also claims to be dead. Jade wakes up again, just as agitated as the first time she woke up.
21265	She gets out of bed and realizes her lunchtop is still in the destroyed greenhouse. She begins her ascent, but is interrupted by an encounter with an imp, which takes her on a trans-incipisphere journey, visiting many locations and passing by three instances of Dave, including a future Dave who ends up helping her later. The imp is finally killed by Becsprite. PM from post-apocalypse Earth, just after discovering her station and en route to the frog ruins, tries to issue commands to Jade through the terminal. Becsprite is alert to these commands, and protectively destroys PM's terminal.
21266	Jade returns and finds her computer undamaged. Future Dave contacts her after seeing her out in the snow. He then becomes her server player, and sets up her equipment after most of it was destroyed/transported before entry. As she prepares to alchemize new items, she is contacted by her "fairy god troll", a distinction which does not necessarily have anything to do with being a kid's patron troll. Tavros seeks permission from her to commune with Bec again. The first time he did it was when she was very young, and playing with her grandpa's flintlock pistols. She accidentally fired the gun at her self. Tavros communed with Bec to get him to transport the gun and the bullet away from her, and toward her grandpa who was picnicking with the blue doll, killing him. Tavros mistook him for an intruder, but regardless, Jade is upset by the revelation. He digs himself into a deeper hole by professing flushed feelings for her awkwardly, while making bold claims of high self esteem and confidence granted from his new robot legs. Put off by this, she is not particularly receptive to his plan to commune with Becsprite to take on Jack Noir, and ends the conversation.
21267	Vriska, who was reading the conversation, mocks Tavros for his false show of confidence. She continues to take jabs at him, calling him a coward, unable to do the one thing she asked which would have given him real confidence. She refers to the incident preceding her resurrection to the god tier. After she was nearly beaten to death by Aradia, Tavros finds her, believing her to be dead. He attempts to bring her back to life with a kiss. But having woken up on Prospit after the beating, Vriska's dream self is able to control his mind. She makes him choke himself, simply to prevent the kiss to avoid the standard resurrection process, which would prohibit god tier ascension. She does not wish to control him completely, intending to leave the following decisions to him, to make him stronger. Instead, she merely controls his hand to write messages to himself using her blood. She instructs him to take her to her Quest Cocoon, and to kill her on the sacrificial slab before she bleeds to death. He hesitates, and she continues to insist, while her dream self gradually takes on the same wounds inflicted on her real self, causing her demands to become more desperate. The more desperate she gets, the more terrified Tavros he becomes, and he finally flees without killing her. She eventually dies, and is resurrected on the battlefield as the Thief of Light.
21268	Still holding this against him, she berates him for his newfound attitude, and regards his plan to influence the kids' timeline as a cheap imitation of her tactics. She brags about the ways she has manipulated events on their timeline so far, by practicing her abilities on Jade repeatedly, causing her to fall asleep frequently. She describes ways in which she has inserted her agenda into existing events, tipping off agents to the whereabouts of the MEOW code book, and other such incidents which contributed to the rise of Jack Noir, so she could claim responsibility for his existence, before taking him on herself. Tavros becomes angry with her incessant mockery and the extent of her treachery, and decides to seek her out to challenge her. She waits for him somewhere in the lab.
21269	After the conversation with Tavros, Jade alchemizes a number of items. One of which is a legendary rifle, Ahab's Crosshairs, supplied by Eridan. Eridan, now believing himself to be a powerful wizard, feels he's surpassed the need for the weapon, and gives it to Jade to fuel the rivalry he mistakenly assumes she has with Rose, as payback for Rose's early dismissal of his black advances. Jade recognizes it as one of the weapons she included with the bunny for John. The weapons were provided by her penpal, who she accidentally revealed to be her grandson from the future. The pen pal swore her to secrecy on the matter, so she did the same with Eridan, though he admitted this would be the last time he talked to any human regardless. Realizing the new rifle would serve as a sort of heirloom to her grandson, she decided to discard it outside her house, and allow it to reach her grandson eventually however it may. Eridan then blew up her Johnnytop.
21270	Another item she created was a pair of junior compu-sooth spectagoggles, allowing her to see anything in the incipisphere at the present moment. She saw John as the Heir of Breath on the battlefield, Rose on LOHAC talking to Doc Scratch, Davesprite's pendant covered in blood nearby bro's dead body, and a slain doomed Dave. She contacts Dave to make sure he's alright. She then comes up with a plan to take on Jack Noir.
21271	She contacts Tavros again to talk about the plan he proposed, but he has left to take on Vriska. She has only one idea left. She goes up to her grandpa's lab, summons Becsprite, and tosses in her dead dream self, which her grandpa had retrieved from the battlefield and stuffed many years ago. Becsprite becomes Jadesprite. But dream Jade is not pleased by the transformation. She freaks out, and releases the typical first guardian pyrotechnics. The lab plummets, crushing the column and greenhouse below. It bounces away from the house, rolling into large snowball, and settling near a green stump. The two Jades sit in a state of dismay amidst the rubble of the lab, in the glow of a damaged 4th wall.
21272	As the clock ticks down to the CRITICAL EVENT, the most important character in Homestuck sits and watches this pandemonium ensue.
21273	And then, the second most important character in Homestuck positions a shitty drawing of himself in front of a typewriter and writes this recap.
21274	I think this typewriter is running out of ribbon ink.
21275	Thank God, that white ink is such a pain in the ass to read.
21276	Almost as much as these recaps are to write.
21277	Sorry.
21278	Why don't we get back to what's happening on the other side of the coat.
21279	These poor girls are very upset and emotional, and we kind of left them hanging.
21280	JADE: uuugh
21281	JADE: what happened?
21282	JADESPRITE: boo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo
21283	JADE: oh god
21284	JADESPRITE: what did you do what did you do what did you do
21285	JADE: oh no oh god.....
21286	JADE: what did i dooooo
21287	JADE: um... jade?
21288	JADESPRITE: boo hoo hoooooo
21289	JADE: what is the matter?
21290	JADE: why are you so sad?
21291	JADESPRITE: what did you do to me??
21292	JADE: i prototyped you and brought you back!
21293	JADE: should i not have?
21294	JADESPRITE: no!
21295	JADESPRITE: you shouldnt have, this is overwhelming and awful
21296	JADE: oh no, it is?
21297	JADESPRITE: yes!
21298	JADESPRITE: its hard to describe what its like
21299	JADESPRITE: but its too much for me
21300	JADESPRITE: and the sun...
21301	JADESPRITE: its way too big and bright and i cant stop seeing it...
21302	JADESPRITE: it wont go away aaaaah!
21303	JADE: :(
21304	JADE: thats terrible, im really sorry
21305	JADE: i guess i did not think this through
21306	JADESPRITE: cant this be undone?
21307	JADESPRITE: i was happy where i was with my friends
21308	JADESPRITE: i want to go back
21309	JADE: i dont think...
21310	JADE: that it can be undone :(
21311	JADESPRITE: BOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO
21312	JADESPRITE: woof :'(
21313	JADE: :o
21314	JADE: well...
21315	JADE: now i dont know what to do
21316	JADE: i really messed up, i feel so bad
21317	JADESPRITE: i dont know what to do with myself either
21318	JADESPRITE: i think i will just go somewhere else
21319	JADESPRITE: i want to be alone
21320	JADE: where would you go?
21321	JADESPRITE: i dont know
21322	JADESPRITE: i think i can travel anywhere now
21323	JADESPRITE: but all id like to do is go back
21324	JADESPRITE: and i dont know if thats possible
21325	JADESPRITE: i wonder if theres a way...
21326	JADE: but you cant!
21327	JADE: i mean, not just yet, please?
21328	JADESPRITE: why
21329	JADE: i know you are upset jade
21330	JADE: but i did sort of bring you back for a reason
21331	JADESPRITE: why, why would you do this?
21332	JADE: we need your help!
21333	JADESPRITE: who?
21334	JADE: well, all of us here
21335	JADE: me and dave and rose and john
21336	JADESPRITE: john!!!!!!!!!!!
21337	JADESPRITE: oh noooooo, john...
21338	JADESPRITE: BOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO
21339	JADE: D:
21340	JADE: what is it now!
21341	JADESPRITE: john, poor john...
21342	JADESPRITE: id forgotten about him
21343	JADE: what do you mean, how could you forget about john???
21344	JADESPRITE: it was so long ago! i put that sad memory behind me
21345	JADESPRITE: after we died i looked all over for him but couldnt find him
21346	JADESPRITE: and i was so lonely, but i finally got over it when i met my friends.....
21347	JADESPRITE: and now theyre gone toooo aaahhhh boooooooo hoo hoo hoo hoo
21348	JADE: but john didnt die!
21349	JADE: i saved him
21350	JADE: YOU saved him, dont you remember?
21351	JADE: you pushed him out of the way of prospits moon at the last minute, and hes ok now!!!
21352	JADESPRITE: oh my god prospit.....
21353	JADESPRITE: ...........
21354	JADE: oh nooo jade please dont
21355	JADESPRITE: BOOOOOOOOOOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO
21356	JADE: :C
21357	JADESPRITE: why are you doing this to me, why are you making me remember
21358	JADE: :(
21359	JADESPRITE: it was so beautiful and it was all destroyed before i even knew what was going on....
21360	JADESPRITE: and so many nice people were killed
21361	JADE: i know jade i was there too...
21362	JADE: these are both our memories!
21363	JADESPRITE: and the queen, did she survive?
21364	JADESPRITE: and her ring, i was protecting her ring, oh noooo what happened to it???
21365	JADE: jade, pleeease...
21366	JADESPRITE: i was just waiting for john to wake up, i was so sure it was going to be soon
21367	JADESPRITE: and i was going to show him around prospit
21368	JADESPRITE: i had so many things planned and so many friends to introduce him to...
21369	JADESPRITE: he was my best friend and i was looking forward to meeting him for so long
21370	JADESPRITE: but then it all burned down and everyone died and the moon fell and..........
21371	JADE: stop...
21372	JADE: you are going to make me cry too, stop it!!!
21373	JADESPRITE: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo
21374	JADE: *sob*
21375	JADESPRITE: woooof...
21376	JADE: PFFheheh... *sob* hehehehehehe
21377	JADESPRITE: i dont want to be here, i have to go back
21378	JADESPRITE: but i dont know how
21379	JADESPRITE: can you help me?
21380	JADE: you want me to help you...
21381	JADE: die again?
21382	JADESPRITE: yes, i think thats what i would like
21383	JADESPRITE: i cant take this, i wasnt ready to come back
21384	JADESPRITE: not like this
21385	JADE: wow...
21386	JADE: ok, i know this is my fault
21387	JADE: but that is a really hard thing to ask me to do!
21388	JADE: even if it was possible the way you are now
21389	JADE: i dont think i could go through with it :(
21390	JADESPRITE: boo hoo hoo hoo hoo
21391	JADE: ok ok shhhhh...
21392	JADE: jade listen
21393	JADE: i never did tell you why i brought you back
21394	JADE: and it may be that
21395	JADE: if you attempt what i wanted you to do in the first place
21396	JADE: god i cant believe im saying this...
21397	JADE: but you might end up getting what you want anyway
21398	JADE: because it was always going to be risky
21399	JADESPRITE: what is it?
21400	JADE: well, you remember the guy who destroyed prospit?
21401	JADESPRITE: oh god D:
21402	JADESPRITE: ohh god noooooo...
21403	JADE: shh!!!
21404	JADE: anyway, he is the reason i brought you here
21405	JADE: he has the same powers you have, making him unbeatable to us...
21406	JADE: but maybe not you!
21407	JADE: so you could go find him and
21408	JADESPRITE: you want me to fight him???
21409	JADE: um
21410	JADESPRITE: are you crazy? do i look like i am ready to fight anybody???????
21411	JADE: i just thought
21412	JADE: as long as youre here
21413	JADESPRITE: i cant fight anybody!
21414	JADESPRITE: jade i am scared and confused and sad and...
21415	JADESPRITE: i wouldnt even know how to begin fighting that horrible guy
21416	JADESPRITE: i would be too afraid of him to even go find him
21417	JADE: but
21418	JADE: i thought you wanted to die?
21419	JADE: you wouldnt go even if he could...
21420	JADESPRITE: no i dont want him to kill me!!!
21421	JADESPRITE: you just dont understand aaaaa boo hoo hoo
21422	JADE: jeez...
21423	JADE: youre right, i really dont
21424	JADESPRITE: BOO HOO HOO HOO
21425	JADE: i said SHH!
21426	JADE: wow
21427	JADE: jade...
21428	JADE: i dont mean to be insensitive but
21429	JADE: there is a lot at stake here!
21430	JADESPRITE: woof
21431	JADE: i... pfhehe, dont change the subject!
21432	JADE: i mean, dont you remember what this was all about?
21433	JADE: what you were working for... what WE were working for all those years before you died?
21434	JADE: remember what we saw in the clouds, or what the queen told us?
21435	JADESPRITE: uh...
21436	JADE: how could you not remember john survived?
21437	JADE: we both saw him in a cloud! he was in his dream suit and awake, reading our letter!
21438	JADE: didnt you think about that?
21439	JADESPRITE: ummmm, so? what does it matter?
21440	JADE: ...
21441	JADESPRITE: it was all a lie jade. what we saw in the clouds and all that. none of it meant anything
21442	JADE: what!!!!!
21443	JADE: how can you SAY that?
21444	JADESPRITE: it was a nice life, but everything we did lead to nothing
21445	JADESPRITE: john and i both died, and i eventually accepted that and moved on
21446	JADE: JOHN DIDNT DIE!!!
21447	JADE: omg...
21448	JADE: this is so frustrating, i just told you he didnt
21449	JADE: i knew i was kind of ditzy and forgetful in my dreams, but
21450	JADESPRITE: boooo ho-
21451	JADE: SHHHHH! okaaaaaay, jeez!
21452	JADE: i just dont know what to think
21453	JADE: i guess you are part of me, and you are who i was when i slept
21454	JADE: but it makes me sad to think i would act like this
21455	JADESPRITE: act like what?
21456	JADE: i would like to think that even if i was sad and scared, if i was put in a position where everyone depended on me, i could put all those feelings aside and do whats right!
21457	JADESPRITE: but i dont know whats right
21458	JADE: yes you do!
21459	JADE: even though you dont want to be, youre here now, and there are still people who need you
21460	JADE: there is still something worth fighting for!
21461	JADESPRITE: no!!!
21462	JADESPRITE: not for me there isnt
21463	JADESPRITE: there is nothing but death and sadness and destruction here
21464	JADESPRITE: theres no hope, and i dont see anything worth fighting for
21465	JADE: that is a horrible thing to say!
21466	JADESPRITE: i dont belong here anyway
21467	JADESPRITE: really none of this is my business anymore and i want to go home
21468	JADE: AUGH!
21469	JADE: that is SO SELFISH!!!
21470	JADE: i cant believe this
21471	JADE: how can you say these things, dont you remember anything that the queen told us?
21472	JADE: that we would eventually build a new world and make a future together with our friends?
21473	JADE: dont you remember being excited about finding out what that meant?
21474	JADESPRITE: yes
21475	JADESPRITE: but it was just a story
21476	JADESPRITE: it was never going to come true
21477	JADE: yes it will!!!
21478	JADE: some of us, the ones who still have hope, are fighting for that RIGHT NOW
21479	JADE: how can you have such a negative outlook on absolutely everything?
21480	JADESPRITE: boo hoo ho-
21481	JADE: shut up!!!!!!
21482	JADE: stop being such a damn crybaby!
21483	JADE: really, we both had the EXACT SAME EXPERIENCES. and look, i am managing to keep my head up, see?
21484	JADE: you dont even have the full picture either, because you checked out early!
21485	JADE: you didnt have to stand by as bec gave jack his powers when you might have been able to stop that
21486	JADE: and you didnt have to watch as jack became so strong he could appear anywhere and kill anyone you loved at any moment!
21487	JADE: you didnt have to see a dave lying in his own blood :(
21488	JADESPRITE: what...
21489	JADESPRITE: dave?
21490	JADESPRITE: he died too?
21491	JADE: no, see...
21492	JADESPRITE: ohhhh boo-
21493	JADE: HEY! no. youre not allowed to cry about that because you DIDNT SEE IT
21494	JADE: thats the whole point!!!
21495	JADE: you are just looking for any excuse you can to be sad and useless and its starting to piss me off!
21496	JADESPRITE: *sniffle*
21497	JADE: no
21498	JADESPRITE: *whimper*
21499	JADE: NO. BAD.
21500	JADESPRITE: aaaaaaaBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO
21501	JADE: NO, FOR GODS SAKE WILL YOU SHUT UP AND PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER, YOU ARE DRIVING ME CRAZY
21502	JADESPRITE: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
21503	JADE: I SAID PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER YOU BLUBBERING GODDAMN PANSY
21504	JADESPRITE: AWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO
21505	JADE: JUST SHUT UP. DRY YOUR CRYBABY EYES, STOP BEING A COWARD, AND GO FIGHT JACK NOIR!!!!!!!!!!!!
21506	JADESPRITE: BOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO
21507	JADE: SHUT UP
21508	JADESPRITE: BOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO
21509	JADESPRITE: BOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO
21510	JADE: NO
21511	JADE: JUST
21512	JADE: GOD DAMN IT
21513	JADESPRITE: BOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO
21514	JADESPRITE: BOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO
21515	JADE: PLEASE
21516	JADE: JUST ONCE
21517	JADE: SHUT THE HELL UP
21518	JADESPRITE: BOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO
21519	JADESPRITE: BOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO
21520	JADESPRITE: BOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO
21521	JADE: SHUT UP
21522	JADESPRITE: BOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO
21523	JADESPRITE: BOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO
21524	JADE: SHUT
21525	JADESPRITE: BOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO
21526	JADE: THE
21527	JADESPRITE: BOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO
21528	JADE: FUCK
21529	JADESPRITE: BOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO
21530	JADE: UP
21531	JADESPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/jadespritehead.gif" border="0" />
21532	CG: ATTENTION HARLEY.
21533	CG: PLEASE STOP WEEPING WITH AND OR BEATING THE SHIT OUT OF YOUR SELF PROTOTYPED LUSUSPRITE
21534	CG: STOP DOING ONE OF THOSE THINGS AT LEAST
21535	CG: LONG ENOUGH TO ANSWER ME.
21536	CG: PLEASE.
21537	CG: PRETTY POLITE EARTH PLEASE.
21538	CG: WHO AM I KIDDING
21539	CG: I'M WASTING MY TIME AGAIN
21540	GG: karkat!!!!!
21541	CG: WHOA FUCK
21542	CG: YOU ANSWERED ME, I DONT BELIEVE IT
21543	GG: yes
21544	GG: im going crazy here
21545	GG: i never thought id say this, but im actually almost relieved to talk to you
21546	CG: WHAT
21547	CG: YOU ARE
21548	GG: or really ANYBODY besides that lunatic
21549	GG: SHE IS DRIVING ME NUTS!!!!!!!
21550	CG: OH YEAH?
21551	CG: HOW SO, EVERYTHING HERE APPEARS TO BE PROCEEDING RATIONALLY.
21552	CG: WHAT SEEMS TO BE THE PROBLEM
21553	GG: are you joking??? look at this mess!
21554	CG: MESS? JADE, NOW IT SOUNDS TO ME LIKE *YOU'RE* THE ONE WHO'S JOKING.
21555	CG: YOUR HIVE BALL ROLLED DOWN A BEAUTIFUL WINTER HILL, AND YOU ARE SPENDING SOME QUALITY TIME WITH FAMILY.
21556	CG: YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE TO FILL ME IN ON THE NATURE OF THE PROBLEM.
21557	GG: okay...
21558	GG: i made the mistake of prototyping my dream self who has been dead for years
21559	GG: and shes completely crazy and theres no talking any sense into her
21560	CG: HMM.
21561	GG: hmm?
21562	CG: YES. "HMM."
21563	GG: hmm what
21564	CG: HMM AS IN HMM INTERESTING.
21565	CG: AS IN HMM HOW VERY, VERY FUCKING INTERESTING INDEED.
21566	GG: :\
21567	GG: what are you getting at???
21568	CG: WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHAT AM I GETTING AT.
21569	CG: I'M GETTING AT WHATEVER HMM INTERESTING GETS AT.
21570	CG: PLEASE GO ON, I'M LISTENING TO YOUR PROBLEM.
21571	GG: well...
21572	GG: i mean, i understand why she is upset
21573	GG: but she is completely inconsolable, and wont listen to reason about anything!
21574	GG: and i guess i could deal with that but...
21575	GG: the frustrating thing is that shes actually me :(
21576	GG: i really dont think i would act like that
21577	CG: HMMMMM.
21578	GG: will you stop saying hmm!!!!!!
21579	CG: OK, FINE.
21580	CG: WHAT OTHER SEQUENCE OF LETTERS WOULD YOU HAVE ME USE TO REGISTER MY PROFOUND FASCINATION.
21581	GG: fascination?
21582	GG: what do you find so fascinating?
21583	CG: I'M JUST TRYING TO UNDERSTAND.
21584	CG: I AM BEING SENSITIVE ABOUT IT INSTEAD OF A RAGING FUCKASS, ISN'T THAT WHAT YOU WANT.
21585	CG: YES, IT IS, IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME JUST ASK FUTURE YOU, ASSUMING THAT CONVERSATION DOESN'T MAKE YOU CRY AS WELL.
21586	CG: NOW TELL ME MORE ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS.
21587	GG: my feelings?
21588	CG: YES, HOW DID THIS MAKE YOU FEEL.
21589	GG: well...
21590	GG: at first i was sad
21591	GG: because she made me remember all the sad things that just happened
21592	GG: but im trying to be strong about all that so we can keep moving forward
21593	GG: and if i can then why cant she?
21594	GG: but she just went on and on
21595	GG: and i started getting angry...
21596	GG: ugh i have never been so angry in my LIFE!!!
21597	CG: HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.
21598	GG: I SAID STOP SAYING FUCKING HMM
21599	CG: o:B
21600	GG: what does THAT mean?????
21601	GG: is that supposed to be someone with a halo and goofy teeth?
21602	GG: ARE YOU MAKING FUN OF ME?
21603	CG: NO, NO
21604	CG: YOU'RE LOOKING AT IT BACKWARDS
21605	CG: THOSE ARE MY HORNS
21606	GG: oh
21607	GG: haha oops
21608	CG: OK SO IF I'M UNDERSTANDING YOU
21609	CG: YOU'RE ANGRY AT A VERSION OF YOURSELF FROM A DIFFERENT POINT IN TIME
21610	CG: BECAUSE SHE'S BEING AN OVERLY EMOTIONAL SHITHEAD WHO IS BASICALLY THE MOST REVOLTING SELF LOATHING PIECE OF FILTH YOU HAVE EVER MET
21611	CG: AM I FOLLOWING
21612	GG: yeah, pretty much
21613	CG: I'M NOT GOING TO SAY HMM AGAIN
21614	CG: BUT COME ON
21615	CG: DON'T YOU FIND THE SITUATION TO BE JUST THE SLIGHTEST BIT INTERESTING?
21616	CG: I MEAN, CONSIDERING
21617	GG: considering what??
21618	CG: IF I RECALL, IT WASN'T THAT LONG AGO FROM EITHER OF OUR PERSPECTIVES THAT YOU WERE RIPPING ON ME AND MY SMUG WINDBAG FUTURE SELF FOR ARGUING WITH EACH OTHER
21619	GG: oh come on...
21620	GG: this is NOTHING like that!
21621	CG: HOW IS THIS NOT LIKE THAT
21622	GG: because she's...
21623	GG: well
21624	GG: she's ACTUALLY INSANE
21625	CG: OH I SEE, AND ALL THOSE IDIOT PAST AND FUTURE KARKATS WEREN'T???
21626	GG: but
21627	GG: those are you
21628	GG: im not her!
21629	CG: OH AREN'T YOU
21630	CG: YOU JUST SAID YOU WERE, I JUST HEARD YOU SAY THAT
21631	CG: SO TELL ME
21632	CG: HOW IS THIS EVEN THE SLIGHTEST FUCKING BIT DIFFERENT?
21633	GG: i dont know
21634	GG: it just...
21635	CG: YES, GO ON
21636	CG: I'M REALLY CURIOUS
21637	CG: HOW
21638	GG: ...
21639	GG: oh my god
21640	GG: youre right :(
21641	GG: so then i guess
21642	GG: im a hypocrite :(
21643	CG: NOT REALLY
21644	CG: IT JUST MEANS YOU'RE A SANE RATIONAL PERSON, AND THERE JUST MIGHT BE HOPE FOR YOU YET
21645	GG: wait...
21646	GG: so me arguing with my dead dream self
21647	GG: and smacking her around while screaming at her
21648	GG: makes me SANE???
21649	CG: YES, ABSOLUTELY.
21650	CG: IT MEANS ALL OF YOUR HIDEOUS FLAWS DISGUST YOU.
21651	CG: YOU ARE RIGHT TO BE DISGUSTED, IT'S MORE THAN MOST PEOPLE CAN SAY FOR THEMSELVES.
21652	CG: REALLY, CONGRATULATIONS ARE IN ORDER.
21653	GG: hahaha, wow
21654	GG: you are so weird
21655	CG: CONGRATULATIONS, IN ADDITION TO, JUST MAYBE, AN APOLOGY.
21656	CG: DON'T YOU THINK?
21657	GG: you want me to apologize?!
21658	GG: for what, calling you crazy for arguing with yourself???
21659	CG: WOULD IT REALLY KILL YOU TO CONSIDER IT?
21660	GG: after taking so much crap from you for all those years?
21661	GG: no forget it, im not apologizing that is BULLSHIT
21662	CG: DEAD DREAM DOG JADE, IS THAT YOU??? YOU'RE SOUNDING A BIT HYSTERICAL, MAYBE YOU SHOULD CALM DOWN.
21663	GG: shut uuuup!!!
21664	CG: WELL IF YOU CAN MANAGE TO GET YOUR ANEURYSM UNDER CONTROL
21665	CG: MAYBE YOU WILL REALIZE I DIDN'T ACTUALLY SPECIFY TO WHOM AN APOLOGY WAS IN ORDER.
21666	CG: IDIOT.
21667	GG: what
21668	GG: are you saying you want to apologize
21669	CG: I GUESS
21670	CG: THIS APOLOGY WAS GOING TO GO DOWN ONE WAY OR ANOTHER, SO THIS MIGHT AS WELL BE THE TIME.
21671	CG: AND LET'S FACE IT, I WAS REALLY BEING THE WORST KIND OF PHLEGM BUBBLE BLOWN OUT A NOISY GLISTENING ASS.
21672	CG: SO I'M SORRY.
21673	CG: BUT TO BE FAIR, IT WAS MY PAST SELF WHO WAS GIVING YOU SUCH A HARD TIME, AND HE'S COMPLETELY DERANGED.
21674	GG: ok, i appreciate the THOUGHT of an apology, but i dont know if it really counts if you are just going to pawn off responsibility on your "past self" again!
21675	GG: maybe your "present self" should own up to it!
21676	CG: YEAH THAT'S WHAT HE'S DOING.
21677	CG: HE, BEING ME, RIGHT NOW, IS OWNING UP TO WHAT A FUCKING RETARD PAST ME WAS, AND CONTINUES TO BE.
21678	GG: laaaaame
21679	CG: YES, I KNOW IT'S LAME.
21680	CG: OR I KNOW THAT YOU THINK IT'S LAME WHEN I SAY SHIT LIKE THAT.
21681	CG: BECAUSE REMEMBER
21682	CG: I HAVE BEEN TALKING TO YOU FROM THE FUTURE, AND I KNOW YOU DON'T COTTON TO MY PCG/FCG STUPIDITY.
21683	CG: BUT SEE, YOU DON'T KNOW THAT YOU KNOW THAT YET.
21684	CG: OR MORE SPECIFICALLY, YOU DON'T KNOW THAT I KNOW THAT YOU KNOW THAT YET.
21685	CG: SO I'M KIND OF PULLING A FAST ONE HERE.
21686	GG: hahahaha, that is so ridiculous
21687	GG: why dont you stop it with all this nonsense and own up to being terrible unequivocally?
21688	CG: YEAH I'M GOING TO.
21689	CG: THE THING IS, I KIND OF MISREPRESENTED MYSELF.
21690	CG: I'M NOT AS MUCH OF A SCUMBAG AS I WAS SO DETERMINED TO MAKE OUT WITH MYSELF TO BE.
21691	CG: FUCK I MEAN
21692	CG: MAKE MYSELF OUT TO BE
21693	GG: :o
21694	CG: I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHY I TROLLED YOU LIKE THAT SO PERSISTENTLY
21695	CG: FOR SOME REASON DEEP DOWN I JUST KNEW THAT I HAD TO
21696	CG: EVEN IF IT MEANT DIGGING MYSELF INTO A HUGE HOLE WITH YOU AND EVERYONE ELSE THAT WOULD BE HARD TO CLIMB OUT OF
21697	CG: AND LIKE PRACTICALLY EVERYTHING I SAID WAS COMPLETELY BASELESS BECAUSE I DIDN'T ACTUALLY KNOW YOU
21698	CG: JUST LIKE YOU DIDN'T AND STILL DON'T ACTUALLY KNOW ME
21699	CG: SO I GUESS I AM APOLOGIZING FOR IT, LIKE REALLY SERIOUSLY NOW.
21700	CG: I, PRESENT KARKAT, IN THE CURRENT MOMENT, APOLOGIZE ON BEHALF OF MY STUPID PAST SELF, *WHO IS ACTUALLY ME*.
21701	CG: THE GUY TALKING RIGHT NOW.
21702	CG: LIKE, THERE'S NO DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THOSE GUYS, OK?
21703	GG: hmmmm...
21704	CG: HMMMM???????
21705	GG: yes, hm
21706	CG: HM WHAT
21707	GG: ok karkat, that sounds pretty sincere to me
21708	GG: and youre right, i dont actually know you
21709	GG: i just know the part of you who acted like a bully
21710	GG: i understand there can be more to a person than just the stuff they say when theyre angry
21711	GG: so i will accept your apology and give you another chance
21712	CG: OK, GREAT.
21713	GG: and i will apologize for calling you crazy
21714	GG: obviously i am not in much position to judge :|
21715	CG: NO BUT
21716	CG: YOU WERE RIGHT, I AM CRAZY
21717	CG: BUT THANKS ANYWAY
21718	GG: so you say you have been talking to me from the future?
21719	CG: YEAH
21720	CG: MAKING PLANS AND WHATNOT
21721	CG: TO PRY OURSELVES MUTUALLY OUT OF THIS MASSIVE MOBIUS DOUBLE CLUSTERFUCK.
21722	GG: ok, so what is the plan?
21723	GG: i mean, why did you want me to contact you at this moment so badly?
21724	CG: OK WELL THE MOST IMMEDIATE POINT OF BUSINESS IS
21725	CG: YOU SEE THAT GLOWING BLUE SCREEN BEHIND YOU?
21726	GG: yes
21727	CG: YOU NEED TO TURN THAT FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT OFF.
21728	GG: ok, i can do that
21729	GG: but why, what does it do?
21730	GG: its been here my whole life and i could never figure it out
21731	CG: I'M NOT GOING TO SAY MUCH ABOUT IT.
21732	CG: BUT SUFFICE TO SAY THERE ARE JUST SOME THINGS YOU DON'T WANT TO SCREW WITH.
21733	CG: THERE ARE OUTCOMES THAT ARE EVEN WORSE THAN THE COMPLETE ANNIHILATION OF EXISTENCE ITSELF
21734	CG: FORCES MORE DAMAGING TO THE INTEGRITY OF REALITY THAN THOSE CAPABLE OF TURNING IMAGINATION INTO PURE VOID
21735	CG: THEY ARE FORCES WHICH IF HANDLED RECKLESSLY WILL NULLIFY THE BASIC ABILITY OF INTELLIGENT BEINGS IN ALL REAL AND HYPOTHETICAL PLANES OF EXISTENCE TO GIVE A SHIT.
21736	GG: i dont think im following...
21737	CG: YOU DON'T HAVE TO FOLLOW
21738	CG: ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS TURN THE THING OFF
21739	CG: AND THEN DO THE NEXT THING I WAS TOLD TO TELL YOU TO DO.
21740	GG: you were told?
21741	GG: by who?
21742	CG: BY YOU.
21743	GG: oh...
21744	GG: future me?
21745	CG: YES.
21746	CG: YOU COULD BE TELLING YOURSELF THIS RIGHT NOW, BUT WE'RE SORT OF WORKING ON A STRICT NO MEMO POLICY.
21747	CG: WHICH IS YOUR IDEA OF COURSE.
21748	CG: DID I MENTION HOW YOU DON'T LIKE IT WHEN WE ARGUE WITH OUR PAST/FUTURE SELVES? YES, PRETTY SURE I DID.
21749	CG: SO I'M GOING ALONG WITH THE POLICY AS BEST I CAN.
21750	CG: I AM BEING PLEASANT AND AGREEABLE, AND I WILL GENTLY LOWER A MAGNIFICENT, CORUSCATING COLUMN OF HOT FUCK YOU DOWN THE PROTEIN CHUTE OF ANYONE WHO SAYS OTHERWISE.
21751	GG: uh... ok
21752	GG: well it sounds like a pretty good policy to me!
21753	CG: YOU DON'T SAY.
21754	CG: SO ANYWAY, BECAUSE OF THAT, MY ROLE AT THE MOMENT IS TO ACT AS A SORT OF GO BETWEEN FOR YOU AND YOUR FUTURE SELF
21755	CG: TO HELP ALONG THE PROCESS OF MAKING THESE PLANS
21756	CG: WHILE YOUR FUTURE SELF IS DELIBERATELY VAGUE ABOUT SOME STUFF SO AS NOT TO "JINX" THE CONCEPTION OF THE IDEAS IN THE FIRST PLACE I GUESS?
21757	CG: ALL WHILE YOUR CURRENT SELF IS NECESSARILY KIND OF DUMB ABOUT EVERYTHING.
21758	GG: hey!!!
21759	CG: SORRY, OK, JUST KIND OF IGNORANT
21760	CG: BECAUSE STUFF HASN'T HAPPENED YET
21761	CG: YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
21762	CG: IT'S NOT ALL THAT STRAIGHTFORWARD FOR ME EITHER, BUT I'M USED TO THIS SORT OF IDIOCY BY NOW.
21763	CG: IT'S A LOT BETTER THAN THE MORONIC REVERSE CONVERSATION WITH EGBERT I TRAPPED MYSELF INTO.
21764	CG: MEANWHILE TIME IS KIND OF RUNNING OUT HERE, WHERE I AM
21765	CG: WE'RE COUNTING DOWN TO SOMETHING
21766	CG: SOMETHING LOOMING ON THE TROLLIAN TIMELINE AND NO ONE KNOWS WHAT IT IS
21767	CG: AND MY TEAM IS KIND OF FALLING APART
21768	CG: I'M COMPLETELY LOSING TRACK OF EVERYONE AND WHAT THEY'RE DOING.
21769	CG: SO AT THIS POINT I'M JUST GOING ALONG WITH WHATEVER THERE IS TO GO ALONG WITH.
21770	CG: AND THAT IS YOU AND YOUR CRAZY FUTURE PLANS.
21771	CG: AND THE SCRATCH.
21772	GG: oh yeah! dave told me about that.
21773	GG: what is it?
21774	CG: I DON'T FUCKING KNOW!
21775	CG: AT ONE POINT I THOUGHT I DID, I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST WHATEVER SENT JACK HERE.
21776	CG: BUT CLEARLY IT'S NOT THAT SIMPLE.
21777	CG: ARADIA KNEW BUT SHE DIDN'T SAY, AND THEN SHE WENT AND GODDAMN EXPLODED.
21778	CG: YOU HAVEN'T TOLD ME EITHER, BECAUSE I'M NOT "SUPPOSED TO KNOW" YET.
21779	CG: WHATEVER, I DON'T EVEN CARE, LET'S JUST DO IT.
21780	GG: ok then...
21781	GG: what was the thing i told you to tell me to do?
21782	GG: right now, i mean
21783	CG: OK, DON'T ASK ME WHY, BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW THAT EITHER.
21784	CG: BUT THAT BLUE SCREEN THERE
21785	CG: FIRST, LIKE I SAID, SHUT IT OFF
21786	GG: ok
21787	GG: then what
21788	CG: THEN YOU NEED TO DRAW IT.
21789	GG: draw it?
21790	CG: YES
21791	GG: and then?
21792	CG: THEN NOTHING
21793	CG: THAT'S IT.
21794	You size up the arcane contraption. The blue flicker of the coat's lining is arresting. But you don't know it's a coat. That would only invite more questions. You don't know what it shields. Nor do you know whose shoulders it was meant to cover. If you knew that - if you even knew his name - you would understand terror no human ever has.
21795	You should really listen to Karkat and turn it off. If you start messing with it, I will seriously start fucking everything up. It would be irresponsible of both of us to let that happen.
21796	You suddenly wonder where Jadesprite went. You wonder that because I said you did. I know where she went. But I will not say.
21797	Not that you can hear a word I'm saying.
21798	The coat's too thick.
21799	In your attempt to find an exit, you have pried some paneling off the walls. But you are no closer to discovering a means of escape.
21800	So you have resolved to build a fort instead.
21801	You feel safe and sound in the cozy confines of your wobbly station panel walls. It should allow you to relax and pass the time, while you wait for the only source of energy you are aware of to present itself.
21802	You have humored these antics long enough. It is time you slipped out the partially open door to seek help, since your beloved master has clearly gone stark raving mad.
21803	Your new queen is eager for your counsel. She wishes to know the royal itinerary she inherits.
21804	The itinerary, for now, is simple. She must wait for her fourth and final subject to arrive.
21805	A fifth exile, sleeping for centuries in the belly of the ruins, far beneath the desecrated idol once sharing its visage with the legendary SPEAKER OF THE VAST CROAK.
21806	Soon the WRIT KEEPER will awaken and serve his new queen.
21807	It is then that her work may begin.
21808	She would like clarification on the nature of the work, which you are happy to provide. You explain that it is very simple.
21809	As the new queen, she will be charged with bringing the slayer to justice, and rebuilding her kingdom in a new land.
21810	Her Majesty again is overwhelmed.
21811	And again, you explain she will have help.
21812	She may choose to appoint a WASTELANDIC VINDICATOR as her kingdom's hero, a warrior selected and groomed to face the slayer with the weapon he protects.
21813	But first, there will be tidying up to do.
21814	Explosives will be needed. If she were to appoint a brave ARMAMENTS REGENT for her kingdom, he could be of assistance.
21815	Once the regent's task is complete, the queen must use the key to set the destination for her royal entourage.
21816	And once all the pieces are in place...
21817	The vessels must be destroyed.
21818	You interrupt whatever nonsense these silly people are planning with an extremely urgent message!!!
21819	Unfortunately, your simple message cannot seem to penetrate their thick carapaces.
21820	Doesn't ANYBODY in this stupid desert speak blinking?
21821	You heard the new queen in town needs a powdermonkey on the double. As the kingdom's new regent, whatever that is, you spring into action.
21822	Now this is something you can handle. Anything to take your mind off that terrible pointy head that fell on the illegal statue.
21823	Until you have to rig that one with bombs too, that is...
21824	.-- .... .- - / .- / -.. .- .-. .. -. --. / -.. .-. . .- --
21825	- --- / -.-. --- -- -... .. -. . / - .... . / ..-. .. -. . ... - / --.- ..- .- .-.. .. - .. . ... / --- ..-. / .... ..- -- .- -. .. - -.-- / .-- .. - .... / - .... . / . .-.. . --. .- -. -.-. . / .- -. -.. / -. --- -... .. .-.. .. - -.-- / --- ..-. / - .... . / .- -. .. -- .- .-.. / -.- .. -. --. -.. --- --
21826	.... --- .-- / -.-- --- ..- / .-- .. ... .... / -.-- --- ..- / -.-. --- ..- .-.. -.. / -.- -. --- .-- / - .... . .. .-. / .-- --- .-. .-.. -..
21827	- --- / .... . .- .-. / --- -. . / -. .. --. .... - / - .... --- ... . / -- ..- - . -.. / .--. .- .-- .--. .- -.. ... / - .-. .- .. .--. ... . / ..- .--. / -.-- --- ..- .-. / ... - .- .. .-. ...
21828	.- / .-.. --- .-- / -... ..- - / ..-. .-. .. . -. -.. .-.. -.-- / --. .-. --- .-- .-.. / ..- -. ... . - - .-.. . ... / -.-- --- ..- .-. / ... .-.. ..- -- -... . .-.
21829	.- -. -.. / .- ... / - .... . / ... --- .--. --- .-. / ... . . .--. ... / ..-. .-. --- -- / -.-- --- ..- .-. / . -.-- . ...
21830	- .... . -.-- / -.. . - . -.-. - / .- / ... .... .- .-. .--. / .--. .- .. .-. / --- ..-. / . .- .-. ... / -.-. ..- - - .. -. --. / -- --- --- -. .-.. .. --. .... -
21831	.- / -- -.-- ... - . .-. .. --- ..- ... / .-- --- .-.. ...- . -. / - --- -. --. ..- . / .. -. ...- .. - . ...
21832	.-- --- ..- .-.. -.. -. .----. - / - .... . ... . / . .- .-. ... / ... ..- .. - / -.-- --- ..- ?
21833	.-- --- ..- .-.. -.. / -. --- - / - .... .. ... / .--. .-. --- ..- -.. / .-.. --- -. --. / ... -. --- ..- - / .- ... ... .. ... - / -.-- --- ..- / .. -. / - .... . / .... ..- -. - ?
21834	A weird bug approaches.
21835	It must be your lucky day.
21836	.... . -.-- / -.-- --- ..- !!!!!!!!
21837	.--- ..- ... - / .-- .... .- - / -.. --- / -.-- --- ..- / - .... .. -. -.- / -.-- --- ..- .-. . / .--. .-.. .- -. -. .. -. --. / --- -. / -.. --- .. -. --. / .-- .. - .... / - .... .- - / .-. .. -. --. ?
21838	.-- .... .- - . ...- . .-. / .. - / .. ... / ..-. --- .-. --. . - / .. - !
21839	- .... . / ... .-.. .- -.-- . .-. / .. ... / -- .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. -. . ::::)
21840	-. --- .-- / .-- ---.. -.- . / ..- .--. !
21841	.. / ... .- .. -.. / .-- ---.. ---.. ---.. ---.. ---.. ---.. ---.. ---.. -.- . !
21842	You have already viewed this moment a hundred times. It is no less confounding on your one hundred and first.
21843	There is nothing otherwise unusual about the scene. A simple girl is understandably preoccupied by her handsome assortment of orbs, while surrounded by her ever growing band of amphibious and reptilian acolytes.
21844	And then darkness.
21845	You have one lead in your investigation. But she hasn't been very helpful so far.
21846	GA: Are You Feeling Any More Cooperative In This Timeframe
21847	GG: password!
21848	GA: I See No Of Course Not
21849	GA: Please
21850	GA: I Know You Were Talking To Her Shortly Before
21851	GA: What Did You Say To Her
21852	GG: I SAID PASSWORD FUCKASS!!!!!
21853	GA: Wow
21854	GG: whoops sorry
21855	GG: ive been having too many password arguments with karkat i guess :p
21856	GA: I Still Dont Understand The Password Thing
21857	GA: Past You Doesnt Care About Passwords What Happened
21858	GG: well......
21859	GG: it depends, do you want to have a silly conversation or a serious conversation?
21860	GA: Which Is Favorable
21861	GG: both are!
21862	GG: but a silly conversation mostly doesnt matter or make the timeline more confusing than it needs to be
21863	GG: so we can have one right now if you want
21864	GG: in fact i would say it is coming dangerously close to being one already!
21865	GG: but if it is a serious conversation you want then im afraid i must demand a........
21866	GG: PASSWORD :P
21867	GA: Can We Discuss A Serious Issue In A Silly Manner
21868	GG: nope!
21869	GA: How Am I Supposed To Know The Password
21870	GG: because i told you
21871	GA: I Dont Remember That
21872	GG: exactly!!!!!!!!!!!
21873	GA: I Feel Like I Am Trudging Waist Deep Through A Slither Basin Full Of Your Human Surprise Noodles
21874	GG: hehehe
21875	GG: yum :B ??????????????????????
21876	GA: I Understand This Silliness Is Currently Permissible But Are Serious Questions About The Password Nonsense Permissible As Well
21877	GG: hmm, i suppose those are acceptable
21878	GA: Why Are You Demanding Passwords From Me And Also Apparently Karkat
21879	GG: to keep the conversations linear!
21880	GG: i gave you a password at the end of our previous conversation
21881	GG: you have to give me that password to start our next conversation
21882	GG: this ensures that past you cant jump ahead into the conversation and mess everything up, like you are trying to do now!
21883	GA: I Am Not Trying To Do That
21884	GG: i know, but trust me its better this way :)
21885	GA: When Will I Get The Password
21886	GG: i dont know, i have no idea what time you are from!
21887	GG: but you will get it, i gave it to you some time ago at the end of our last conversation
21888	GG: and i have been eagerly awaiting your linear and unconfusing reply ever since!
21889	GG: bye kanaya <3
21890	GA: Im Appreciating Our Conversations From This Timeframe More And More
21891	GA: Past You Is Much Less Of A Taskmaster Than Future You Or Pre Blackout Rose
21892	GG: thanks i think!
21893	GG: what do you mean by pre blackout rose?
21894	GA: I Mean Post Blackout Rose Is A Lot Less Difficult Insofar As She Is Unavailable
21895	GG: umm, ok...
21896	GG: but what do you mean by blackout???
21897	GA: I Guess Youll Find Out Soon
21898	GA: And Then Report It To Me Under Extremely Specific Circumstances
21899	GA: Which Is Good Because I Sure Dont Know
21900	GG: hmm @_@
21901	GA: Yes Hmm And That Face Is A Good Response
21902	GA: Your Eyes Are Right To Be Swirled Letters
21903	GA: What Are You Doing
21904	GG: im doing what you told me to do!
21905	GG: im getting dave to set up that expensive equipment
21906	GG: so i can start doing all that witch of spacey stuff you were telling me about
21907	GG: which i appreciate, since my sprite turned out to be sad and useless, and not very wise at all :(
21908	GA: I See
21909	GA: Well I Didnt Actually Tell You To I Was Just Being Informative
21910	GA: Also It Isnt Technically Witch Of Spacey Stuff
21911	GA: I Was A Sylph Not A Witch
21912	GG: oh
21913	GG: what is a sylph?
21914	GA: I Think Its Sort Of Like A Witch
21915	GA: But More Magical
21916	GG: a magical witch???
21917	GA: Yes Im Completely Certain Of That Suddenly
21918	GG: thats awesome
21919	GA: But Regardless I Think Our Roles Are Approximately The Same Since We Are Both Stokers Of The Forge
21920	GA: As Well As Holders Of Breeding Duties
21921	GA: However I Should Clarify That My Earlier Counsel Was Mostly Academic
21922	GA: It Takes Weeks To Do All Of It Properly
21923	GA: You Wont Have Time
21924	GG: breeding duties?????
21925	GA: Yeah
21926	GG: uhhhhhhhhh...
21927	GG: please tell me that doesnt involve what it sounds like!
21928	GA: What Does It Sound Like
21929	GG: it sounds like
21930	GG: it involves
21931	GG: a lot of breeding :\
21932	GA: Well It Does
21933	GA: But Not Breeding Through Means Typical Of Most Species
21934	GG: oh
21935	GG: does the equipment we are deploying have anything to do with it?
21936	GA: It Has A Lot To Do With It
21937	GA: It Is Cloning Equipment Much Like What Is Scattered All Over The Veil
21938	GA: The Same Kind Responsible For Creating All Of Us
21939	GG: ok then, thats pretty neat
21940	GA: I Didnt Mean To Alarm You By Implying You Were Required To Wage A Great Deal Of Personal Procreation Over A Span Of Several Weeks
21941	GG: yeah, whew <_<;
21942	GA: Though It Should Be Clear That Repopulation Is Among Our Duties As Well In The Long Term
21943	GA: And Ive Gathered That The Cloning Apparatus In The Veil Is Probably Meant To Permit An Initial Boost On The World We Select For Settlement
21944	GA: But Beyond That It Is Up To The Descendants To Perpetuate The Race
21945	GA: And Your Species Has Quite An Advantage In This Respect
21946	GG: how so?
21947	GA: Your Procreation May Be Carried Out By Paired Individuals Autonomously
21948	GA: Whereas Ours May Not
21949	GA: Which Is What Makes My Role Particularly Important
21950	GG: what is your role?
21951	GA: Im The Keeper Of The Matriorb
21952	GA: It Is An Egg That Will Hatch A New Mother Grub
21953	GA: She Alone Will Be Responsible For Bearing Our Young
21954	GG: whoa, cool!
21955	GG: so you are like bugs, like bees or ants or such, but with horns
21956	GA: I Guess So
21957	GA: And You Are Like Erect Livestock
21958	GA: Without The Muscle Definition
21959	GA: Or The Hermaphroditic Physiology For That Matter
21960	GG: :o
21961	GA: But Milk Producers Nonetheless
21962	GA: That Rare Kind Of Organism To Nurture Hatchless Young Within
21963	GA: Are You Not
21964	GG: errr.......
21965	GG: yes 8|
21966	GA: Anyway
21967	GA: I Had Imagined I Would Hatch The New Grub On A Planet In Your Universe
21968	GA: And When That Became Impossible I Quickly Lost Hope
21969	GA: I Assumed It Would Remain Locked In Its Card Forever
21970	GA: Which Could Only Be Opened When The Orb Was Meant To Be Used
21971	GA: But Then I Found Something Quite Unexpected When I Was Exploring This Lab
21972	GA: I Found A Key
21973	GA: It Was Deep In The Meteor
21974	GA: And As I Suspected It Released The Orb
21975	GA: Which Was Really Confusing To Me For A While
21976	GA: Until I Realized What It Meant
21977	GA: Which Is So Obvious Im Amazed I Didnt Think Of It Right Away
21978	GG: what!
21979	GA: It Means I Am Supposed To Use It Now
21980	GA: To Hatch The Grub In The Heart Of This Meteor
21981	GG: you think so?
21982	GA: Sure
21983	GA: There Is No Reason A Meteor Couldnt Act As The Center Of Our Races Resurrection
21984	GA: They Are Themselves Like Large Seeds After All
21985	GA: The Only Question Is Whether We Can Manage To Keep It From Being Destroyed
21986	GA: As Well As Whether I Am Able To Raise A Mother Grub To Maturity
21987	GA: Oh Wow That Thought Is Actually Pretty Overwhelming
21988	GG: i think you can do it!
21989	GA: You Do
21990	GG: yes...
21991	GG: didnt you say your lusus was a grub?
21992	GA: Yes She Was In Fact A Mother Grub
21993	GA: Who Relinquished Her Calling As Matriarch To Raise Me
21994	GG: thats perfect!
21995	GG: if you were raised by a mother grub, then you are in a great position to raise one yourself
21996	GG: it is like...
21997	GG: a sort of family legacy!
21998	GG: a really cool alien family legacy
21999	GA: Okay
22000	GA: Thanks For Saying So
22001	GG: dont mention it!
22002	GG: so how does this cloning stuff work?
22003	GA: Its Very Involved
22004	GA: Like I Said You Wont Have Time
22005	GA: In Fact It Probably Should Have Taken Considerably Longer Than It Took Me
22006	GA: I Was A Little Rushed
22007	GG: i want to try anyway!
22008	GG: if you can hold out hope for rebuilding your race in the center of a meteor, then i think i can at least try to get a little cloning done with the time i have left
22009	GA: Yes Youre Right
22010	GA: I Cant Imagine How You Can Complete The Objective In The Time Given
22011	GA: But Weirder Things Have Happened I Think
22012	GA: First Deploy The Pad
22013	GG: yes, dave is doing that at the top of this ridiculous tower
22014	GA: Um
22015	GA: Why All The Way Up There
22016	GG: didnt you say it needed to be in a warm place?
22017	GA: Yes Thats Right
22018	GG: my house is freezing now
22019	GG: it ran on geothermal power before...
22020	GG: and i guess theres no heat anywhere inside this planet
22021	GA: That Will Probably Change If You Light The Forge
22022	GA: But One Thing At A Time I Guess
22023	GG: yes i would like to hear about that later...
22024	GG: but yeah the weather seems just fine out here in the medium!
22025	GG: lets see how dave is doing.....
22026	GG: its...
22027	GG: so small :o
22028	GA: Thats The Appropriate Size For The Equipment
22029	GG: but
22030	GG: clone babies can barely even fit on that thing!
22031	GA: Babies
22032	GA: What
22033	GG: i mean young humans!!!
22034	GG: you know, that we milk producers nurture hatchless within?
22035	GA: Yes I Know
22036	GA: I Didnt Mean To Suggest Your Breeding Duties Involved Cloning Humans
22037	GA: Repopulation Is Not Whats Happening Here
22038	GA: Its Not Your Objective As The Witch Of Space
22039	GA: Not Yet Anyway
22040	GG: then what is the objective?
22041	GG: what am i breeding????
22042	GA: Frogs
22043	GG: :O
22044	GA: Sorry I Thought That Was Obvious
22045	GG: i cant get over how tiny this thing is!
22046	GG: its so cute
22047	GG: so the baby frogs show up on this pad here?
22048	GA: Yes
22049	GG: i cant wait to try it
22050	GA: What Are You Laughing At There
22051	GG: oh
22052	GG: lol
22053	GG: dave just has a lot of funny stuff to say about all this
22054	GA: What Is He Saying
22055	GG: oh you know, a bunch of silly stuff
22056	GG: theres too much to copy/paste!
22057	GA: Hmm
22058	GG: here ill save it all to a file and send it to you
22059	GA: Okay Im Laughing Pretty Hard At All That
22060	GG: hahaha
22061	GG: alright how do i get started!
22062	GA: He Will Need To Deploy The Terminal
22063	GA: Then You Can Start Hunting For Frogs To Appearify From Around Your World
22064	GG: ok, here is a frog on the screen
22065	GG: on no, is it trapped in ice?
22066	GA: I Would Conjecture That Most Of Them Are
22067	GA: And Will Stay That Way Until The Forge Is Brought To Life
22068	GA: I Think The Event Is Designed To Trigger Drastic Planetary Upheaval Wherever The Forge Is Stationed
22069	GA: It Did On My Planet As Well
22070	GG: was your planet covered in ice too?
22071	GA: No Mostly Water
22072	GG: cool!
22073	GG: anyway, i will try to rescue this frog
22074	GG: so i push this button to appearify it?
22075	GA: Yes
22076	GA: It Probably Wont Do Any Good But You Can Try
22077	GG: ok........
22078	GG: oh god, it is still a frogcicle!!!!
22079	GG: this will not do
22080	GA: The Problem Isnt That The Frog Is Still Frozen
22081	GA: The Problem Is That You Were Able To Appearify It At All
22082	GA: Ectobiology Is Based Entirely On Your Inability To Appearify A Subject
22083	GG: i dont understand!
22084	GG: but i am intrigued...
22085	GA: If That Frog Were Destined To Do Something Else
22086	GA: Such As Become Ensnared In Your Net Later
22087	GA: You Would Not Be Able To Appearify It Because That Would Cause A Paradox
22088	GA: So Instead You Would Appearify Its Slime Imprint
22089	GA: The Paradox Slime Is What Is Important Here
22090	GA: You Can Mix It With The Slime From Other Paradoxically Appearified Frog Imprints
22091	GA: Study The Genes And Selectively Combine
22092	GA: And Then Create Resulting Paradox Clones
22093	GG: ok, that makes sense i think
22094	GG: how can i appearify some frog slime?
22095	GA: You Will Need To Direct The Terminal To Another Frog
22096	GA: And Then You Must Be Sure Later To Interfere With That Frog In Some Way
22097	GA: For Instance By Planning To Venture Out To Capture That Exact Frog As I Suggested Earlier
22098	GA: That Way It Will Be Impossible To Appearify The Frog Before Your Interference Has Taken Place
22099	GA: Only Its Slime Will Arrive
22100	GG: so it is like
22101	GG: a sort of backwards frog breeding
22102	GG: clone first, catch later?
22103	GA: Yes
22104	GG: ok, i will try this
22105	GG: heheh, look at this handsome guy here, hiding in the woods and being sneaky
22106	GG: he looks frozen solid too
22107	GG: so if i go bother him later, that means if i try to take him now i will only get slime right???
22108	GA: Yes That Should Work
22109	GA: Make A Note Of The Coordinates
22110	GA: When You Travel To Interact With Your Cloned Subjects You Are Also Taking The Opportunity To Explore And Discover New Habitats
22111	GA: As Well As New Species Of Frogs For Your Terminal To Track
22112	GA: Its Efficient To Go Adventuring In This Fashion While You Are Waiting For Your Young Clones To Mature
22113	GG: that sounds like fun!!!!!!!
22114	GA: Yes Its A Lot Of Fun
22115	GA: It Is Also Extremely Time Consuming
22116	GA: Unlike Some Appearifiers In The Veil This One Is Locked To The Present Moment
22117	GA: You Cannot Use It As A Window Into The Future Or Past And Isolate Frogs Whose Futures Are Certain And Therefore Most Paradoxifiable
22118	GA: Means Of Expedition Are Limited
22119	GA: I Suppose You Could Use Time Travel To Accelerate The Process
22120	GA: But You Would Need To Establish Weeks Worth Of Stable Time Loops
22121	GA: I Think It Would Be An Overly Elaborate And Dangerous Undertaking Personally And Anyone Who Would Attempt Such A Thing Is Reckless
22122	GA: I Wouldnt Advise It
22123	GG: hmmmmm
22124	GG: k hang on while i clone this fella.....
22125	GG: yaaaaaay!!!
22126	GA: Youll Need Somewhere To Keep Them While They Grow
22127	GA: Like A Pool Or A Tank Or Such
22128	GA: Or At Least Something Temporary
22129	GA: Water Wasnt Very Hard For Me To Come By But For You I Dont Know
22130	GG: i will think of something...
22131	GG: i wont let the poor little guy suffocate!
22132	GG: so i am supposed to wait for him to grow up, and then breed him with other frog paradox clones?
22133	GA: Yes But This Isnt All There Is To The Cloning Process
22134	GA: A True Paradox Clone Is An Exact Genetic Duplicate Of The Subject
22135	GA: Later That Clone Will Be Sent Back In Time To Become Itself
22136	GA: In Fact If It Is An Exact Duplicate This Is Guaranteed To Happen
22137	GA: This Is What Classifies It As A Paradox Clone
22138	GA: Any Duplicate Which Genetically Deviates From The Original Is Not
22139	GA: It Is Simply A Mutant
22140	GA: And For Breeding Purposes Mutation Is Desirable
22141	GA: Within Reason
22142	GA: You May Adjust The Settings On The Equipment To Promote Genetic Anomalies
22143	GA: But Its Very Delicate And You Can Go Too Far
22144	GA: Responsibly Guiding The Evolution Of The Genetic Code During The Breeding Process Is Very Important
22145	GA: In Fact It Is The Most Important Thing About This Of All
22146	GG: it is?
22147	GA: Yes
22148	GG: huh...
22149	GG: so what is the actual purpose of all this breeding?
22150	GG: am i trying to make one really special frog with just the right genetic code or something?
22151	GG: sort of like the ULTIMATE FROG :O
22152	GA: Actually
22153	GA: Yes
22154	GA: Thats Exactly What Youre Doing
22155	GG: oh!
22156	GA: Your Objective Is To Breed The Genesis Frog
22157	GG: why?
22158	GA: You Cant Complete The Game Without Doing So
22159	GA: Your Entire Mission Depends On Breeding Him
22160	GG: him?
22161	GG: so he is a boy frog?
22162	GA: Yes
22163	GA: He Will Begin As A Tadpole Like You Have There But Considerably Bigger
22164	GA: And He Will Mature To Become The Speaker
22165	GA: A Deity Like Figure Idolized By The Consorts Who Wait For Him To Come
22166	GG: the speaker?
22167	GA: Hes Known As The Speaker Of The Vast Croak
22168	GG: hehehe
22169	GG: CROOOOOOAK
22170	GA: Yes The Croak Really Is Quite Vast And Is Something To Behold
22171	GA: Its The Most Amazing Thing I Have Seen
22172	GG: then the speaker is like a god, but there are a lot of them?
22173	GG: like one for each session, kind of like the kings and queens?
22174	GA: Yes There Will Be One For Every Session Should The Players Be Successful
22175	GA: And Each One Is A Unique Product Of Their Quest
22176	GA: The Kingdoms Are At Odds Over His Creation
22177	GA: Prospit Worships Him Much As The Consorts Do
22178	GA: Derse Reviles Him And Outlaws Frogs Wherever They Can
22179	GA: Even The Iconography
22180	GA: Their Agents Mock His Name With Slurs
22181	GA: Like Speaker Of The Vast Joke
22182	GA: Or Bilious Slick
22183	GA: Although To Be Honest That Is What We Ended Up Calling Him
22184	GA: Not To Be Disrespectful Though It Was Just A Catchier Name
22185	GG: it is pretty catchy...
22186	GG: if i call him that i will be sure to say i mean no offense!
22187	GA: I Doubt Its Even Possible To Offend Him
22188	GG: thats good
22189	GG: ok then what?
22190	GG: what do we do after i make this big god froggy?
22191	GG: does it have something to do with the new universe we create?
22192	GA: Most Certainly
22193	GG: you said he was a genesis frog
22194	GG: does that mean we bring him into the universe and...
22195	GG: he makes new planets or life or such?
22196	GA: No
22197	GA: Youre Not Really Understanding The Magnitude Of His Role
22198	GA: He Is Not Responsible For Just One Aspect Of The Universe You Create
22199	GA: Hes Responsible For All Of Them
22200	GA: Bilious Slick Is Your Universe
22201	GG: really???
22202	GA: I Dont Mean Hes The Universe You Are From
22203	GA: We Engineered That Incarnation
22204	GA: He Is The Universe That You Are Trying To Create
22205	GG: yes i got that!
22206	GA: Sorry
22207	GA: I Thought It Was Obvious But Then Wasnt Sure
22208	GG: you mean he is LITERALLY a universe?
22209	GA: Yes Literally
22210	GA: That Statement Was As Literal As You Can Possibly Make Words Be
22211	GA: I Know Your Species Is Frequently Insincere For A Variety Of Reasons
22212	GG: but your species is too!
22213	GG: especially karkat, he is incredibly sarcastic
22214	GA: Thats True But When We Do It Its Usually Just Because We Are Trying To Be Jerks
22215	GA: Rather Than By Way Of A Mild Manner Perpetually Dispatching Little Puzzles Of Rhetoric Without Apparent Purpose
22216	GG: but i dont do that!
22217	GG: i try to say what i mean as much as i can
22218	GA: Yeah I Think Ive Been Discerning That
22219	GA: Its A Nice Change Of Pace
22220	GG: from what?
22221	GA: Oh Its Not Important
22222	GG: haha, you mean from rose?
22223	GA: Well
22224	GA: Not That It Wasnt An Enjoyable Exercise In Xenocultural Inculcation
22225	GG: yeah, rose and dave are like that all the time!
22226	GG: they inculcate that stuff like crazy
22227	GG: so you have been talking to her a lot i guess?
22228	GA: Sort Of
22229	GG: are you best friends now??
22230	GA: I Guess As Mutually Friendly As The Time Has Permitted Two People To Be
22231	GA: I Wont Be Speaking To Her Anymore Though
22232	GG: why?
22233	GG: oh yeah, because you said she is blacked out?
22234	GG: what the heck does that mean!
22235	GA: It Just Means In A Few Moments From Your Perspective I Wont Be Able To See Her Through My Viewport Or Talk To Her
22236	GA: I Dont Know Why Exactly But Its Not That Hard To Guess
22237	GA: She Has Been Relying On The Powers And Counsel Of Dark Gods And Other Sources Of Ambiguous Intent
22238	GA: And She Has Consequently Devised A Plan Which Sounds Very Dangerous To Me
22239	GG: yeah, i didnt like the sound of her plan either!
22240	GA: You Are More Sensible
22241	GA: Its Probably The Influence Skaia Has Had On You
22242	GA: Having Spent Much Of Your Life Awake On Prospit
22243	GA: Like Me
22244	GG: you did???????
22245	GA: If Were Alike In Some Ways Maybe Its Because Of This
22246	GG: yeah! :D
22247	GA: I Woke Up A Long Time Ago
22248	GA: I Had Trouble Sleeping When I Was Young
22249	GA: The Sunlight Was Unnaturally Invigorating To Me I Guess
22250	GA: My Lusus Could Do Nothing To Help
22251	GA: And When I Was Supposed To Be In My Cocoon I Would Often Wander Out To The Desert
22252	GA: Where One Day I Was Visited By A Stranger Who Dressed And Spoke In White
22253	GA: He Put Me To Sleep And I Awoke On Prospit
22254	GA: Where I Have Dreamed Ever Since
22255	GA: He Said He Was My Guardian
22256	GA: And Though He Visited Rarely I Did Regard Him As That
22257	GA: Then Later He Stopped Coming
22258	GA: In Time I Began To Believe He Was A Figment Of My Mind
22259	GA: Like An Imaginary Friend To Give Me Reassurance When I Needed It
22260	GA: But Then While Playing Our Game I Learned He Was Real
22261	GA: He Had Spoken To Others From Our Party
22262	GA: And Had Been Manipulating Us All To Advance His Schemes
22263	GA: It Was Saddening To Learn My Fortuitous Awakening Had Been The Product Of A Nefarious Ploy
22264	GA: Youre Lucky That Your Awakening Probably Had No Such Entanglements
22265	GG: jeez, i hope not...
22266	GA: But I Guess Its Only A Minor Contamination Of Something Otherwise Great
22267	GA: I Was Allowed To See What Skaia Would Show Me
22268	GA: And To Prepare For Dangers Ahead And Try To Protect People
22269	GG: me too!!!!!
22270	GG: wow kanaya i did not realize how much we had in common
22271	GA: Youre Right We Do
22272	GA: I Feel A Bit Silly That It Took Me So Long To Engage With The One Corresponding Closely With My Role
22273	GA: It Must Be A Certain Madness Im Afflicted By
22274	GA: To Orbit Those More Reckless And Dangerous Than I And More Daring For It
22275	GA: I Guess I Want To Help Them But They Never Can Be Helped It Seems
22276	GG: well, it sounds like helping people is something that is in your nature
22277	GG: i can understand that
22278	GG: are you saying rose is reckless and dangerous?
22279	GA: Yes Definitely
22280	GA: We Have Our Share Of Dangerous Players Who Seem To Do Nothing But Cause Problems
22281	GA: I Believe She Is Yours
22282	GA: And If Her Insane Plan Wasnt Alarming Enough
22283	GA: She Has Been Communicating With The Stranger I Mentioned
22284	GA: And Unsurprisingly She Has Not Been Forthright About The Nature Of Their Conversations
22285	GG: you mean your guardian?
22286	GA: Yes
22287	GA: And Hes Not Merely A Guardian
22288	GA: Im Very Sure He Is A First Guardian
22289	GA: Like Your Lusus Was
22290	GG: uh oh...
22291	GG: im not sure why, but the sound of that makes me really nervous
22292	GA: I Feel The Same Way About It
22293	GA: The Involvement Of Any Such Entity Strikes Me As Quite Inauspicious
22294	GA: Even When Seemingly Benign
22295	GG: she didnt mention anything about this when we talked
22296	GG: but then she seemed preoccupied
22297	GA: She Was
22298	GA: Youll Have A Chance To Determine More Soon
22299	GA: After Which Hopefully You Can Tell Me
22300	GG: yeah, i will!
22301	GA: In The Meantime I Will Go
22302	GA: I Would Like To Return To The Core To Situate This Orb
22303	GA: It Seems You Have Your Own Orb To Care For Now
22304	GG: lol yeah i guess so!
22305	GG: ok, you can go do that, and i guess i will check on rose, but...
22306	GG: theres still so much i want to know!
22307	GG: i want to know more about stoking the forge and breeding the frogs, and about your time on prospit and all that!
22308	GA: Okay I Will Definitely Help You As Much As I Can
22309	GA: The Young Prospit Wakers Ought To Stick Together
22310	GG: yes! <3
22311	GA: Ill Message You Again In Your Future
22312	GA: And You May Reply If You Have Cause To
22313	GG: if i have cause to?
22314	GG: oh!!!
22315	GG: that reminds me, i was thinking of implementing a system to keep some of these confusing conversations simple and linear
22316	GA: Does It By Any Chance Have To Do With Passwords
22317	GG: yeah! i guess someone told you?
22318	GA: Yes You
22319	GA: You Delivered News Of The System By Demanding A Password From Me
22320	GG: aaaaa you see??????
22321	GG: you nearly just gave me the idea for the plan in the first place paradoxically from my own future self!!!
22322	GG: i just find that kind of thing annoying for some reason, it doesnt feel right...
22323	GG: i would rather ideas came from the place they actually came from
22324	GA: Thats A Reasonable Attitude
22325	GG: ok lets put the system in play starting now!
22326	GG: i will give you a password, and you give it to me in the future when you want to pick up this conversation again
22327	GA: Okay
22328	GG: the password is...............
22329	GG: CROOOOOOOOOOOAK
22330	GG: it must be in all caps, and must contain precisely ten Os!
22331	GA: Ten
22332	GA: Im Counting Eleven
22333	GG: whoops!
22334	GG: eleven then :p
22335	GA: The Password System Is Already Paying Overwhelming Dividends Of Ease And Rationality
22336	GG: kanaya :o
22337	GG: that sounded
22338	GG: just a weeeeeee bit
22339	GG: sarcastic ;D
22340	GA: Oh
22341	GA: Wow Yeah
22342	GA: I Hope Im Not Falling Prey To A Crisis Of Sincerity
22343	GG: you are just becoming multicultural, thats all
22344	GG: i think i am learning to be more multicultural through karkat as well
22345	GG: it mostly involves saying fuck a lot
22346	GA: Oh No
22347	GG: heheheheh, its ok, hes really not so bad
22348	GA: Yeah I Know
22349	GG: ok! go hatch that orb!
22350	GG: i will be waiting
22351	GA: Yes Ill Do That
22352	GA: Bye Jade
22353	GG: later!
22354	The final Aradiabot exploded about an hour ago. She is dead for good now you guess. Or is she??? Yes, she is. You're completely certain of it.
22355	Gamzee left perfectly good lukewarm bottles of wicked elixir lying around. There is something so wrong about this. You think about taking a robust swig, but then you come to your senses and don't.
22356	It's sad seeing UNI-REAL AIR lying here without Gamzee around to neglect it while people trip over it. It's almost a little poignant, like seeing a toppled tricycle in the yard of a missing child. Oops you mean a toppled three wheel device in the lawnring of a culled wiggler. Doesn't get more tragic than that.
22357	Terezi's ridiculous cosplay getup. You feel kind of bad for mocking her for it. Just one of many exhibits of boorish behavior you should probably apologize for. That is, if you're presently Karkat while examining this item. If you aren't, those thoughts are not relevant to you. You decided not to program contingencies for examining this item with different characters, because that would have been a waste of time.
22358	What have we here? Looks like there's a half finished comic on this thing. Some kind of coolkid... and a girl with red glasses. What are they doing there together? Yeah, maybe you shouldn't snoop into her coolkid fanfic. It's probably private.
22359	Dear Tinkerbull. Sweet, sweet precious Tinkerbull. Tavros loved this memorial plush sewn for him so much. Seeing it here on the floor would be especially poignant if he were dead. But you know for a fact that he is alive and well. So it's all good.
22360	8ad 8r8k. Just another member of your team unaccounted for. Where the hell is she? Oh well, at least she's out of everybody's hair for a while. She's probably off swooning over that shitty greasy human movie star, and being generally harmless.
22361	You really hope he stops playing games for girls soon. For good. One way or another.
22362	Why Duke Pinesnort, it seems your lovely green complexion has turned to blue as each past treachery has tightened your noose a little more. Worry not. It will all be over soon as you are stuffed in your suffocophagus and given a funeral fit not for a nobleman but a lowly beggar. Let that be a lesson to your family, who was also executed in the name of justice.
22363	This one has been decapitated for some reason. Weird. And gross.
22364	You have seen many sad things on your adventure. But watching Equius practice archery may be the saddest thing of all.
22365	It's not like Equius to leave a tall, refreshing glass of milk unshattered. What the hell is going on here? Where IS everybody???
22366	Nepeta has left her steeping pot of flavorful cameowmile untouched. She is gone too. Another purrplexing mystery.
22367	Looks like some douchebag's computer blew up. Whatever happened, it probably served him right.
22368	You got the MATRIORB!
22369	You can't leave without telling your leader where you're going first! That would be irresponsible.
22370	You forgot to take the matriorb with you! You're clearly going to need that.
22371	You can't leave without telling your leader where you're going first! That would be irresponsible. Also, you forgot to take the matriorb with you. You're clearly going to need that.
22372	No reason to snoop on her computer. You've got better things to do.
22373	You can't leave. You gotta keep the team together."]]]];
22374	No reason to snoop on her computer. You've got better things to do.
22375	You aren't about to leave. You just got here, and you have business to take care of.
22376	Gotta help Kanaya out with this thing after your business is done here. Hope is your jurisdiction on this meteor.
22377	KANAYA: What Was That About
22378	KARKAT: I DON'T KNOW, I GUESS I FUCKED UP AGAIN.
22379	KARKAT: I CAN'T SEEM TO DO ANYTHING RIGHT IN HER EYES ANYMORE.
22380	KARKAT: I MEAN NOSE.
22381	KANAYA: Maybe You Should Go Say Something To Her
22382	KARKAT: WELL I WOULD, BUT SHE'S PROBABLY BURROWED FUCK DEEP IN THIS LAB BY NOW. I'M SURE SHE'S BUSY SCOOTING UP AND DOWN STAIRS AND SHOOSHING THROUGH POINTLESS CORRIDORS, AND OPENING CHESTS CONTAINING LIKE THREE BOONDOLLARS AND HIDEOUS PAINTINGS OF ENORMOUS NAKED BARNYARD MONSTERS.
22383	KARKAT: WHAT IS WITH ALL THE CHESTS ANYWAY? AND WHY DO WE KEEP SQUIRRELING OUR USELESS SHIT AWAY IN THEM? I REALLY SHOULD HAVE WRITTEN A MEMO ABOUT THIS. LIKE, THE RULES OF CHESTIQUETTE.
22384	KANAYA: Squirreling
22385	KARKAT: SQUIRREL IS THE HUMAN WORD FOR NUT CREATURE" "KANAYA: Oh
22386	KANAYA: Well I Think The Chests Are Fun They Make For Nice Surprises" "KARKAT: WHATEVER
22387	KARKAT: ANYWAY I CAN'T LEAVE, IF YOU HAVEN'T NOTICED THE TEAM HAS BEEN FALLING APART HERE EVER SINCE ARADIA EXPLODED FOR NO REASON, AND THEREFORE PRESUMABLY DIED FOREVER.
22388	KARKAT: SERIOUSLY, WHERE THE HELL IS EVERYBODY? WHERE'S GAMZEE??? SHIT ISN'T RIGHT
22389	KARKAT: I'VE GOT TO STAY PUT HERE AND KEEP IT TOGETHER." "KANAYA: Okay Then
22390	KANAYA: If I See Her Along My Way Ill Let Her Know You Want To Talk" "KANAYA: If You Dont Think Thats Too Meddlesome Of Me
22391	KARKAT: NO THAT'S FINE, THANKS.
22392	KARKAT: WAIT
22393	KARKAT: YOU'RE GOING SOMEWHERE?
22394	KANAYA: Im Returning To The Core To Deposit The Matriorb
22395	KANAYA: Wish Me Luck
22396	KARKAT: WHOA WHAT THE FUCK???
22397	KARKAT: I MEAN, THAT'S GREAT, IF THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT TO DO WITH IT. BUT YOU CAN'T GO, I NEED YOU HERE. LOOK AROUND, SHIT IS MAYHEM.
22398	KANAYA: Ill Only Be Gone For A Few Minutes
22399	KANAYA: Anyway Youre Doing A Good Job And I Think You Can Manage To Cope With My Momentary Absense
22400	KARKAT: OK FINE.
22401	KARKAT: IN THAT CASE
22402	KARKAT: GOOD LUCK, HOPE IT WORKS.
22403	KANAYA: Thanks
22404	KANAYA: Relaxing In The Horn Pile I See
22405	FEFERI: Y-ES! W)(y don't you )(op in too, Kanaya? 38D
22406	FEFERI: T)(ere is plenty of space. Sollux and I are glubbing about feelings.
22407	KANAYA: That Sounds Nice
22408	KANAYA: But It Really Doesnt Look Like There Is Much Room In That Pile Of Horns At All And I Should Get Going Anyway
22409	SOLLUX: yeah, of cour2e there'2 no room, iit wa2 kiind of a moroniic iinviitatiion two be hone2t.
22410	FEFERI: )(-EY, S)(UT YOUR MOP-EY BLOW )(OL-E!!! I was just s)(owing a little bassic courtesea.
22411	FEFERI: Really, you are just t)(e grouc)(iest dude sometimes.
22412	FEFERI: (And it's really cute!)
22413	SOLLUX: al2o let'2 get real, thii2 horn piile ii2n't comfortable at all, ii've got hard metal edge2 jabbiing me everywhere, and iit'2 lumpy a2 hell, and you can't move a fuckiing iinch wiithout honkiing the 2hiit out of iit and makiing everyone iin the room look at you.
22414	SOLLUX: what iidiiot thought thii2 wa2 the iideal thiing two chiill out on. oh that'2 riight, a braiindead clown who eat2 toxiic 2liime.
22415	SOLLUX: you probably liike iit becau2e iit'2 liike a coral reef or 2ome horriible jagged underwater piile of 2hiit liike that.
22416	FEFERI: GROUC)(Y MOT)(-ER GLUBB-ER.
22417	FEFERI: <3
22418	KANAYA: Um
22419	KANAYA: Okay I Will Leave You Be
22420	FEFERI: Kanaya, I see t)(at look on your face.
22421	FEFERI: You are curious, but are nervous about meddling, M I RIT------E?" "KANAYA: Uhh
22422	SOLLUX: ff come on we we're haviing a priivate conver2atiion here.
22423	FEFERI: It's ok, really! We were s)(aring some feelings about stuff. Sollux was feeling bummed out because Aradia blew up, and s)(e was )(is very close friend.
22424	SOLLUX: 2iiiigh, HOLY 2HiiT, ye2 let'2 talk about all my problem2 openly, ii LOVE that. hey kk, check thii2 out, my emotiion2 are 2erviing a2 entertaiinment agaiin!
22425	FEFERI: Yea)(! -Ey, Karcrab, get yer nubs over )(ere! Plenty of room in t)(e pile!
22426	FEFERI: OMG, t)(at was SUC)( an obscene gesture )(e just made. 38O
22427	SOLLUX: anyway, yeah, now that aa ii2 gone forever ii feel more depre22ed and u2ele22 than u2ual, and ii wa2 already pretty cod damn u2ele22 two begiin wiith, let'2 face iit.
22428	FEFERI: But I )(ave it on good aut)(ority t)(at s)(e is fine!
22429	FEFERI: Everyt)(ing is going to go swimmingly, YOU'LL S-E-E. 38)
22430	SOLLUX: you are 2o riidiiculou2ly optiimii2tiic iit'2 kiind of 2iickeniing, why do you even put up wiith me?
22431	SOLLUX: iif you weren't 2o great ii would thiink you were a fuckiing iidiiot for liikiing me.
22432	SOLLUX: 2o, ii gue22 thank2 for liikiing me?
22433	SOLLUX: waiit, that 2ounded 2o pathetiic, oh god. ii 2hould probably take that back.
22434	SOLLUX: KANAYA WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU 2TIILL DOIING HERE, GOD DAMN IIT, CAN'T A GUY GET A LIITTLE GLUBBIING PRIIVACY WIITH A FII2H GIIRL IIN A PIILE OF HORN2.
22435	KANAYA: It Sounds Like Youve Been Talking To The Jade Human Like You Said You Would
22436	KARKAT: YEAH
22437	KANAYA: I Just Used The Phrase The Jade Human Satirically For No Reason It Is Just One Of Many Ways In Which Im Becoming More Multicultural
22438	KARKAT: NICE ONE, I'M LAUGHING UP A FUCKING STORM.
22439	KANAYA: Have You Found Her Password System To Be Practical
22440	KARKAT: DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE PASSWORD BULLSHIT.
22441	KARKAT: SO, OK. FUTURE JADE GIVES ME SOME REALLY MYSTERIOUS THING TO TELL PAST JADE, TO MAKE SURE SHE DOES SOMETHING SHE NEEDS TO DO WITHOUT EXPLICITLY GIVING HERSELF THE IDEA FROM THE FUTURE.
22442	KARKAT: WHICH IS DUMB, BUT OK I GO ALONG WITH IT SO SHE DOESN'T COMPLETELY FLIP THE FUCK OUT AT ME. AND THEN I GET BACK TO HER IN THE FUTURE TO SAY I DID IT.
22443	KARKAT: AND WHAT AM I GREETED WITH? PASSWORD.
22444	KARKAT: PASSWORD PASSWORD PASSWORD PASSWORD PASSWORD PASSWORD. PASSWORD YOU NUBBY GRUMPY SACK OF UGLY FUCK. I WANT A PASSWORD RIGHT NOW OR I WILL DIRECT MY COLD LASER HATESTARE THROUGH YOUR BULGE FROM BEHIND MY GOOFY ASS GOGGLY GIRL GLASSES FOR LAME SHITTY SISSIES.
22445	KARKAT: OK I'M PARAPHRASING HERE.
22446	KARKAT: SO I GIVE HER THE PASSWORD AND SHE'S LIKE WRONG!!! I HAVEN'T GIVEN YOU THAT PASSWORD YET, OR YOU ALREADY GAVE ME THAT PASSWORD, OR IT'S "TOO EARLY" FOR IT OR WHATEVER. FIND THE RIGHT FUTURE ME TO GIVE THE PASSWORD TO.
22447	KARKAT: SO I'M LIKE FUCK, I RESPECTFULLY SUBMIT THIS IS NEW LEVELS OF STUPIDITY AND POINTLESSNESS THAT ONLY RETARDS WOULD ENJOY WHILE EARNESTLY INVESTIGATING THEIR OWN GENITALS, BUT THAT'S JUST MY OPINION.
22448	KARKAT: AND THEN WE SPEND WAY MORE TIME ARGUING ABOUT PASSWORD SHIT THAN ANYTHING CONSTRUCTIVE.
22449	KANAYA: It Sounds Like You Like Her
22450	KARKAT: WHAT?? WHERE ARE YOU GETTING THAT
22451	KANAYA: Well She Is Giving You A Reason To Be Frustrated And Loud What More Could You Ask For In A Friend
22452	KANAYA: Shes Quite Considerate Actually
22453	KARKAT: OK, YES, I'LL SAY SHE'S A LOT MORE DECENT THAN I GAVE HER CREDIT FOR ORIGINALLY
22454	KARKAT: AND SOMEWHERE IN THIS MESS I GUESS A COHERENT PLAN IS STARTING TO EMERGE? I STILL CAN'T DETERMINE EXACTLY WHAT IT IS BECAUSE SHE'S ALWAYS SO VAGUE, BUT WHATEVER.
22455	KARKAT: AT LEAST SHE ACTUALLY SEEMS TO CARE ABOUT HELPING US WITH OUR PROBLEM TOO, WHICH IS MORE THAN I THOUGHT A HUMAN WOULD DO, AND WAY MORE THAN I CAN SAY FOR A LOT OF THE LOUSY SELF ABSORBED FUCKS AROUND HERE.
22456	KANAYA: Do You Think Terezi Is Aware Of Your Interactions With Her
22457	KARKAT: I DON'T KNOW, PROBABLY?
22458	KANAYA: I Dont Want To Sound Too Meddlesome Because I Know People Dont Like That Much But Didnt You And She Used To Have A Thing Like That
22459	KARKAT: MAN, WHY DOES EVERYONE THINK WE HAD A THING???
22460	KANAYA: Well Didnt You
22461	KARKAT: THE THING WHICH MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE EXISTED NOTWITHSTANDING, WHAT RIGHT WOULD SHE HAVE TO BE UPSET ABOUT ME TALKING TO JADE.
22462	KANAYA: Maybe She Thinks You Are Trying To Make Her Jealous
22463	KARKAT: OH LIKE SHE'S NOT DOING THE SAME THING TO ME BY TALKING TO THAT POMPOUS TOOL WHO'S IDIOTICALLY INSECURE ABOUT THE COLOR OF HIS EYES.
22464	KARKAT: WHILE HYPOCRITICALLY TYPING WITH HIS CANDY RED TEXT TO DRIVE THE GIRLS WILD, WHAT A FUCKING SHOWOFF.
22465	KARKAT: YOU JUST KNOW SHE'S DOING IT TO ANNOY ME, SHE WAS PROBABLY EVEN PUTTING ON A LITTLE SHOW FOR ME CRYING OVER HIS CORPSE, LIKE SHE REALLY GIVES A SHIT.
22466	KANAYA: Do You Actually Believe She Was Pretending
22467	KARKAT: YEAH SURE. I DUNNO
22468	KANAYA: Maybe You Should Try Not To Be So Quick To Dismiss The Sincerity Of Peoples Emotions
22469	KARKAT: I GUESS YOU'RE RIGHT.
22470	KARKAT: WOW I WAS BEING PRETTY DUMB JUST NOW. WHAT A FUCKING IDIOT.
22471	KARKAT: PAST ME IS ALWAYS SO TERRIBLE, EVEN WHEN I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED BEING HIM.
22472	KANAYA: ...
22473	KARKAT: UH
22474	KANAYA: I Wasnt Actually Crying Just Now I Was Exaggerating My Reaction For Effect
22475	KARKAT: OK YOU'RE GOING WAY TOO FAR WITH THE MULTICULTURAL SHIT, YOU NEED TO TAKE IT DOWN A PEG.
22476	FEFERI: KRABSNACK!!!!!!
22477	KARKAT: HEY.
22478	FEFERI: You're just in time. We are talking about serious feelings )(ere!
22479	FEFERI: Sollux )(as been feeling...
22480	KARKAT: DON'T GIVE A FUCK.
22481	SOLLUX: THANK you.
22482	SOLLUX: kk, you are a true friiend.
22483	FEFERI: Oh fine. 38(
22484	FEFERI: So w)(at reeled you over to t)(e old pile?
22485	KARKAT: HAVE ANY OF YOU SEEN GAMZEE?
22486	KARKAT: IT'S NOT LIKE HIM TO STRAY FAR FROM THE HORN PILE.
22487	KARKAT: I'M GETTING KIND OF WORRIED.
22488	FEFERI: You are?
22489	FEFERI: Aw, t)(at's so sweet!
22490	SOLLUX: ehehehheheheheheh, yeah.
22491	KARKAT: AUGH.
22492	KARKAT: JUST, WHERE IS HE?
22493	SOLLUX: ii dunno man, ii have heard nary a honk out of hiim for a whiile.
22494	FEFERI: Maybe somet)(ing frig)(tened )(im off into t)(e lab?
22495	FEFERI: W)(y don't you go looking for )(im? We could )(elp!
22496	KARKAT: I WOULD, BUT
22497	KARKAT: I CAN'T. GOT TO STAY PUT, KEEP THE TEAM TOGETHER." "KARKAT: I DON'T WANT YOU FUCKERS STRAYING OFF EITHER, YOU UNDERSTAND?
22498	KARKAT: JUST STAY IN THE PILE AND KEEP MAKING EVERYONE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH YOUR SAPPY BULLSHIT, THAT'S AN ORDER.
22499	FEFERI: We were t)(inking of taking a nap, actually.
22500	FEFERI: You s)(ould too, Carpcatfis)(! It'll be GR-EAT!
22501	KARKAT: WHY DO YOU KEEP INSISTING ON IGNORING THE SIMPLE NO SLEEPING RULE, I MADE IT PERFECTLY...
22502	KARKAT: YOU KNOW WHAT, FINE. JUST TAKE YOUR NAP, AS LONG AS YOU JUST STAY PUT.
22503	KARKAT: MAN, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? YOU AREN'T HELPING, WANDERING OFF LIKE...
22504	KARKAT: HOLY SHIT, IS THAT YOUR NEW MAGIC WAND?
22505	ERIDAN: its not magic wwe talked about this kar
22506	KARKAT: RIGHT, IT'S POWERED BY SCIENCE, I FORGOT.
22507	KARKAT: OR HOPE. WHATEVER THE FUCK THAT MEANS.
22508	ERIDAN: i dont fuckin need this from you i take enough shit as it is from the rest a you dirtscrapers i thought you and me had a kinda pact or wwhatevver
22509	KARKAT: OK FINE, SHUT UP, I APOLOGIZE. I KNOW IT'S TOUGH BEING YOU.
22510	ERIDAN: nobody gets it
22511	ERIDAN: i had a harder time than anybody wwith this game
22512	ERIDAN: it wwas really fuckin unfair wwhat challenges i got saddled wwith
22513	ERIDAN: i wwoulda fuckin MURDERED for a land full of a lot a harmless brains and fire
22514	ERIDAN: but no
22515	ERIDAN: it wwas so lonely
22516	ERIDAN: hey guys anybody wwant to come hang out wwith me in the land a wwrath and angels
22517	ERIDAN: anybody at all i knoww it isnt anythin like one of your flippin land picnics
22518	ERIDAN: anybody please ill evven settle for the kittycat shipper cavve girl
22519	ERIDAN: but yeah i guess bein her servver player and savvin her life wwasnt goddamn enough
22520	ERIDAN: had to be my most humiliatin rejection yet
22521	KARKAT: OK, BUT TO BE FAIR, I'M PRETTY SURE SHE'S STILL OBSESSED WITH ME.
22522	KARKAT: IT'S A VERY UNFORTUNATE, VERY RED AND VERY UNREQUITED SITUATION I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TIPTOE AROUND FOR A LONG TIME, OK?
22523	KARKAT: HER DISINTEREST IN YOUR ADVANCE WASN'T A REFLECTION ON YOU AT ALL.
22524	KARKAT: COME ON, WE TALKED ABOUT THIS.
22525	ERIDAN: yeah i guess
22526	KARKAT: ANYWAY I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU WERE EXPECTING TO MAKE ANY SORT OF TRACTION IF YOU SEE HER AS THE KITTYCAT SHIPPER GIRL, SHE'S A PERSON WITH FEELINGS YOU RAVING DOUCHE.
22527	ERIDAN: i knoww kar its not evven the point im ovver that embarrassment
22528	ERIDAN: im just saying wwhere the fuck wwere you guys
22529	ERIDAN: i had to deal wwith those awwful angels all by my self
22530	ERIDAN: do you havve any idea howw hard those assholes are to kill
22531	ERIDAN: like at least a minute of sustained fire from only the most legendary wweapon evver and they wwere FAST and ANGRY as SHIT
22532	KARKAT: YEAH WE TALKED ABOUT THAT TOO.
22533	KARKAT: I REALLY DON'T THINK YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE KILLING THEM DUDE.
22534	KARKAT: I KEPT SAYING, I THINK THEY'RE LIKE GAME CONSTRUCTS OR SOMETHING. THERE TO SERVE SOME OTHER GAME PURPOSE, NOT FOR YOU TO HUNT DOWN.
22535	KARKAT: THEY DIDN'T EVEN GIVE YOU ANY GRIST, YOU IDIOT. THAT WAS YOUR FIRST CLUE.
22536	ERIDAN: fine wwhatevver your still missin the point
22537	ERIDAN: wwhere wwas evverybody wwhy are they avvoidin me all the time
22538	KARKAT: THEY WERE TOO SCARED SHITLESS TO SET FOOT ON YOUR PLANET FOR MORE THAN A SECOND!
22539	KARKAT: BETWEEN A TRIGGERHAPPY PRINCE WITH A GOD WEAPON BLASTING ANYTHING THAT TWITCHED AND A MILLION CRAZED ANGELS HE DELIBERATELY ENRAGED, IT WASN'T WHAT I'D CALL AN IDEAL SOCIAL HUB.
22540	KARKAT: IF YOU WERE LONELY WHY DIDN'T YOU VENTURE OUT MORE OFTEN?
22541	ERIDAN: wwell i wwoulda but nobody else wwas vvolunteerin to pick up the slack on angel killin duties
22542	KARKAT: OH MY FUCKING GOD WHY DON'T YOU LISTEN
22543	ERIDAN: and anywways i did leavve
22544	ERIDAN: evventually
22545	KARKAT: LEAVING YOUR PLANET TO GO DUEL WITH SOLLUX ISN'T BEING SOCIABLE YOU THICK FUCK.
22546	KARKAT: AND YOU KNOW WHAT, YOU DESERVED GETTING YOUR ASS HANDED TO YOU, BECAUSE I WARNED YOU AND YOU DIDN'T LISTEN.
22547	ERIDAN: yeah ok wwe wwill see wwhos becomin the proud neww recipient a wwhose ass noww
22548	KARKAT: ARGH, LOOK
22549	KARKAT: JUST STAY HERE FOR A WHILE, OK? NO MORE BROODING IN THE LAB, AND ABSOLUTELY NO FUCKING DUELING. STAY OUT OF TROUBLE.
22550	SOLLUX: oh GOD, iit'2 hiim.
22551	SOLLUX: ff can you tell hiim two go away, ii don't even have the energy for thii2.
22552	ERIDAN: hey finless this doesnt concern those wwith mustard sludge slippin through their vveins
22553	ERIDAN: its a matter for royalty only
22554	ERIDAN: so keep your mouth closed or ill slit you open ovver my next meal
22555	SOLLUX: w/e bro, not iintere2ted.
22556	FEFERI: -Eridan, please! I don't want to see any more dueling.
22557	FEFERI: Don't try to provoke )(im. It's not like I don't know w)(at you're doing! You keep trying to spark a rivalry wit)( )(im to get me to auspisticize between you two, and pull us out of our quadrant!
22558	FEFERI: It is t)(e oldest and lamest trick in t)(e book. It didn't work t)(en and it won't work now!
22559	ERIDAN: thats an astonishin accusation howw could you say that
22560	ERIDAN: first as if this scum is evven wworthy of a rivvalry wwith me and second as if im not totally DONE wwith you like i havve TOLD you REPEATEDLY
22561	ERIDAN: all i wwant to do is havve a wword wwith you
22562	FEFERI: Ok -Eridan, we can talk. But only if you're planning on being civil.
22563	ERIDAN: thats wwhat you nevver got fef
22564	ERIDAN: you and i are bein civvil by vvery vvirtue a the fact that wwere talkin noww
22565	ERIDAN: wwere royalty you and i and wwe belong together
22566	ERIDAN: evven if not in THAT WWAY wwhich i get that youre not into and thats fine
22567	ERIDAN: but wwe belong together as the rulin class if nothin else
22568	ERIDAN: so im gonna ask you this one last time and givve you the choice
22569	ERIDAN: im about to go please come wwith me
22570	FEFERI: Go wit)( you?? -Eridan, you weren't really serious about going to find Jack, were you?
22571	ERIDAN: of course i wwas
22572	ERIDAN: and wwe should do it together
22573	ERIDAN: youvve got nothin to fear noww ivve reached a neww heights of powwer no one else can dream of not evven mindfang wwith her garish orange swweatsuit and her silly flappy wwings and all her poppycock about luck wwhich evveryone wwith a think pan knowws to be the fakest fiction that evver failed to exist
22574	SOLLUX: thii2 ii2 the mo2t hiilariiou2 thiing ii've ever heard, he made one of hii2 2hiitty fake wand2 glow a liittle and now he thiink2 he'2 a faiiry god troll or 2omethiing, lmao!
22575	ERIDAN: wwas that slander just i heard i cant evven tell
22576	ERIDAN: i tend to block out noise from filth wwhose blood is practically the complementary fuckin color a mine
22577	FEFERI: )(e )(as a point t)(oug)(, in t)(at you may be overestimating your abilities?
22578	FEFERI: Jack Noir is INSAN-ELY powerful -Eridan! Please, I don't want to see you do anyt)(ing foolis)( by trying to fig)(t )(im.
22579	ERIDAN: fight him
22580	ERIDAN: are you fuckin nuts
22581	ERIDAN: i slaughtered enough angels to knoww my limits and wwhere i stand against the lord of all angels they prophecized
22582	ERIDAN: of course im not gonna fight him i stand no chance in hell against that guy
22583	ERIDAN: im goin to join him
22584	FEFERI: YOU'R-E W)(AT???
22585	ERIDAN: and youre gonna join me in joinin him too fef come on lets go
22586	SOLLUX: AHAHAHAHA, ok that'2 iit, he'2 lo2t iit.
22587	FEFERI: NO I AM NOT! And you aren't eit)(er! T)(at is GLUBBING INSAN-E!
22588	FEFERI: I t)(oug)(t you were supposed to be t)(e Prince of )(ope? )(ow is it )(opeful to surrender to a murderous demon like a COWARD???
22589	ERIDAN: as the prince of hope im uniquely qualified to recognize wwhen all hope is lost
22590	ERIDAN: and im tellin you there is no hope not evven a little bit
22591	ERIDAN: only thing left to do is servve him and hope he spares us
22592	ERIDAN: and im extendin the invvitation to come wwith me cause evven though you dont think so i really do care about you
22593	ERIDAN: servvin under jack together wwell be unstoppable and our anemones wwill tremble before us wwhat do you say
22594	FEFERI: NO. You )(ave lost ALL RIG)(T to use fis)( puns FOR-EV-ER. I revoke your fis)( punning license, as w)(ale as our fronds)(ip!
22595	ERIDAN: dont take that tuna vvoice wwith me princess
22596	FEFERI: W)(AT T)(-E FUCK DID I JUST SAY???
22597	FEFERI: T)(at's it. T)(is makes me sad, -Eridan, but now we )(ave to stop you. We can't let you find Jack and risk you leading )(im to us.
22598	ERIDAN: so thats howw it is is it
22599	SOLLUX: 2he'2 riight, man. can't beliieve thii2, ii wa2 lookiing forward two a nap two.
22600	SOLLUX: ii 2hould have kiilled you on lobaf when ii had the chance.
22601	SOLLUX: oh well, gue22 iit'2 only fiittiing ii'd take you down iin ROUND TWO.
22602	SOLLUX: you ready, priince?
22603	ERIDAN: bring it mage
22604	ERIDAN: kan i been meanin to thank you
22605	KANAYA: For What" "ERIDAN: for all that trainin you did
22606	ERIDAN: i wwouldnt be the incredible holy wwizard i am noww wwithout your help
22607	KANAYA: But I Didnt Even Really Train You I Just Made You A Wand
22608	ERIDAN: yeah wwell thats all i needed i guess
22609	ERIDAN: i just needed for someone to showw a little faith in me so im sayin thanks i owwe ya
22610	KANAYA: Okay Then Youre Welcome
22611	KANAYA: I Hope You Use Your Magnificent Powers Of Light And Hope For Goodness And Purity And Lets Not Forget Science
22612	ERIDAN: dont wworry im all ovver that shit you dont evven knoww
22613	KANAYA: Uh Oh I Hope That Didnt Come Off As Too Sarcastic
22614	ERIDAN: wwhat
22615	KANAYA: The Thing I Just Said
22616	KANAYA: I Didnt Even Realize How Sarcastic I Was Being Its Starting To Become A Problem I Think
22617	KANAYA: Please Dont Take Too Much Offense
22618	ERIDAN: haha damn kan if thats your idea of offense bein made then i honestly gotta fuckin wworry for you
22619	ERIDAN: tell you wwhat ill givve you some lessons in dealin out the dark umbrage to repay you for your tutelage in the wwhite science
22620	KANAYA: Um Sure
22621	KANAYA: A Little Later Maybe
22622	ERIDAN: hey wwhat are you doin anywway
22623	ERIDAN: wwhats that thing there
22624	KANAYA: The Matriorb
22625	KANAYA: I Was About To Go Hatch It In The Core To Restore Our Race
22626	ERIDAN: that sounds
22627	ERIDAN: hopeful
22628	KANAYA: I Hope Its Hopeful
22629	ERIDAN: you should of told me about this
22630	ERIDAN: if theres goin to be any sort a hope for our race as the prince of hope i demand to be invvolvved
22631	ERIDAN: so dont go anywwhere wwithout me got it
22632	KANAYA: But
22633	KANAYA: Fine
22634	This asshole only has one record!
22635	Thrust. Thrust. Thrust. Thrust.
22636	I miss the other guy, at least he had some taste.
22637	Man where the hell'd that awesome clown go??
22638	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/areyounext.gif" border="0" />
22639	KANAYA ARE YOU OK
22640	HEY
22641	OH GOD
22642	WHAT HAS HE DONE.
22643	KANAYA?
22644	PLEASE TELL ME THAT'S JUST GRUB SAUCE.
22645	PLEASE JUST BE GRUB SAUCE PLEASE JUST BE GRUB SAUCE PLEASE JUST BE GRUB SAUCE
22646	HAHA, OK, MAKE-BELIEVE TIME IS OVER!
22647	OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD
22648	You are relieved to find Sollux is not DEAD. He is merely KO'D.
22649	You don't think you could handle it if this was ROUND TWO of watching your good bro get killed.
22650	She is DEAD.
22651	He is not going to take it well when he wakes up.
22652	You hope he just stays asleep for a while.
22653	Someone was contacting her.
22654	What the hell? There's no text in the message window.
22655	Oh, you get it. This joker types in white. Guess you'll have to highlight it to read.
22656	Mr. Vantas.
22657	GA: WHAT THE FUCK?
22658	GA: WHO ARE YOU, AND WHY ARE YOU MESSAGING ME THROUGH KANAYA'S ACCOUNT?
22659	GA: I SERIOUSLY DON'T NEED THIS SHIT RIGHT NOW.
22660	I'm delivering this message through the console of one of my numerous unwitting proteges to give you a word of advice, and then you will not hear from me again.
22661	What is that supposed to mean? That is the dumbest advice you ever heard.
22662	You type some more curse words into the chat window, but there is no response.
22663	Body? Which body? What was he talking about?
22664	You turn around very slowly, pretending not to be nervous.
22665	All of the bodies in the room remain as they were. There is clearly nothing to be concerned about whatsoever.
22666	Oh look. Gamzee is messaging you back, FINALLY. You wonder what the hell he's been up to all this time.
22667	TC: honk.
22668	CG: GAMZEE!!!
22669	CG: FUCK
22670	CG: THERE YOU ARE, YOU HAD ME WORRIED DUDE
22671	TC: HONK.
22672	CG: UH
22673	CG: YEAH
22674	CG: WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ANYWAY, I TOLD EVERYONE TO LET ME KNOW IF YOU'RE GONNA WANDER OFF.
22675	TC: honk.
22676	TC: HONK.
22677	TC: honk.
22678	TC: HONK.
22679	CG: YEAH, I GET IT WISE GUY, YOU'RE A FUCKING CLOWN, WHO CARES.
22680	CG: QUIT THE BULLSHIT PARTYCLOWN ANTICS AND GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE.
22681	CG: THE SHIT HAS HIT THE WHIRLING DEVICE, AND YOU COULD BE IN SERIOUS DANGER OUT THERE.
22682	TC: shut up.
22683	CG: WHAT...
22684	TC: I SAID SHUT THE MOTHERFUCK UP, MOTHERFUCKER.
22685	TC: honk honk honk :o)
22686	CG: DUDE
22687	CG: ARE YOU OK
22688	CG: YOU'RE REALLY WEIRDING ME OUT.
22689	TC: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
22690	TC: uh, yeah...
22691	TC: I GUESS I'M ALL MOTHERFUCKIN WEIRDING OUT AT SOME EXTENT TO MY OWN MOTHERFUCKIN SELF.
22692	TC: but it's all good, i'm chill with it.
22693	CG: OH GOD
22694	CG: NO NO NO, PLEASE DON'T TELL ME YOU WENT CRAZY, I COULDN'T TAKE THAT ON TOP OF ALL THIS.
22695	TC: ON TOP OF MOTHERFUCKIN WHAT, MOTHERFUCKER.
22696	CG: ERIDAN JUST FLIPPED HIS SHIT AND KILLED FEFERI AND KANAYA, AND I'M FREAKING THE FUCK OUT ABOUT IT.
22697	TC: heh heh.
22698	CG: HEH HEH???
22699	CG: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?
22700	CG: SERIOUSLY, GET BACK HERE NOW, AND HAVE A SLIME PIE TO RELAX OR SOMETHING.
22701	TC: SLIME?
22702	TC: there is no more slime, brother.
22703	TC: AND ANYWAY.
22704	TC: shit was motherfuckin poison, didn't you know?
22705	CG: UH...
22706	CG: NO? I MEAN, I WOULD NEVER EAT IT, BUT
22707	TC: THEN GET MOTHERFUCKIN SCHOOLFED ALL ABOUT THE WICKED NEWS, PUNCHLINE BLOODED MOTHERFUCKER.
22708	TC: it rots you.
22709	TC: RUSTS YOUR MOTHERFUCKIN THINK PAN.
22710	TC: and the floor all stares up back at you through the motherfuckin hole.
22711	TC: BUT THERE IS NO HOLE NOW.
22712	TC: only under motherfuckin standing of who all i was made out to be all along.
22713	TC: ONLY UNDER MOTHERFUCKING STANDING OF WHO ALL I WAS MADE OUT TO MOTHERFUCKING BE ALL A MOTHERFUCKING LONG.
22714	CG: OH MY GOD
22715	CG: NO NO NO NO NO NO NO
22716	TC: i've been kicking the wicked ignorance on this shit.
22717	TC: BEEN MOTHERFUCKIN SLAUGHTERING THE WICKED IGNORANCE, BRO.
22718	TC: all up in lifelong denial about my calling.
22719	TC: AS A DESCENDANT OF THE HIGH MOTHERFUCKIN SUBJUGGLATORS.
22720	TC: we are higher than you, brother.
22721	TC: WE ARE HIGHER THAN MOTHERFUCKIN EVERYBODY.
22722	TC: honk.
22723	CG: GAMZEE
22724	CG: PLEASE NO
22725	TC: and now i'm the last one, so i finally motherfuckin understand.
22726	TC: I FINALLY GOT MY MOTHERFUCKING UNDERSTAND ON TO WHO THE MIRTHFUL MESSIAHS ARE.
22727	TC: they were always both me. :o)
22728	TC: AND ALSO MOTHERFUCKING ME. Do:
22729	TC: and now.
22730	TC: AND MOTHERFUCKING NOW.
22731	TC: i am going to motherfuckin kill all you motherfuckers.
22732	CG: OH GOD
22733	CG: OH MAN
22734	CG: OH GOD
22735	TC: I AM GOING TO MOTHERFUCKING KILL ALL YOU MOTHERFUCKERS.
22736	TC: and paint the wicked pictures with your motherfuckin blood.
22737	TC: FROM YOUR VEINS WILL DRIP MY MIRACLES.
22738	TC: your crushed bones will make my special stardust.
22739	TC: WELCOME TO THE DARK CARNIVAL, BROTHER.
22740	TC: honk.
22741	TC: HONK.
22742	TC: honk.
22743	TC: HOOOOOOOOOOONK.
22744	You have never been so scared in your entire life.
22745	CURRENT carcinoGeneticist [CCG] RIGHT NOW opened memo on board TEAM ADORABLOODTHIRSTY.
22746	CCG: THIS IS PROBABLY THE LAST MEMO I WILL WRITE.
22747	CCG: BECAUSE FIRST OF ALL, THERE'S PRETTY MUCH NOTHING LEFT TO SAY.
22748	CCG: AND SECOND OF ALL, I MIGHT BE DEAD SOON.
22749	CCG: I'M JUST HOPING SOME OF YOU IDIOTS READ THIS, AND EVEN IF YOU THINK I'M FULL OF SHIT NOW, WHEN IT ALL STARTS GOING DOWN YOU MIGHT JUST REMEMBER WHAT I SAID AND SAVE YOURSELVES.
22750	CCG: THE WORST CASE SCENARIO HAS HAPPENED.
22751	CCG: THE BARD OF RAGE IS ON THE LOOSE.
22752	CCG: YEAH, I KNOW WE ALL THOUGHT THAT TITLE WAS A JOKE, BUT IT TURNED OUT IT WASN'T.
22753	CCG: HE'S COMPLETELY SNAPPED, AND FOR THOSE OF YOU FURTHER AHEAD ON THE TIMELINE, I DON'T HAVE TO TELL YOU HOW DANGEROUS HE IS.
22754	CCG: REMEMBER WHAT HE DID TO THE BLACK KING.
22755	CCG: NOBODY COULD EXPLAIN IT, AND THEN HE JUST WENT BACK TO SPACING OUT FOR THE REST OF THE BATTLE.
22756	CCG: I MEAN SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT.
22757	CCG: I DON'T EVEN THINK THE KING COULD FUCKING BELIEVE IT, FRANKLY.
22758	CCG: DID ANYONE'S ATTACK DO AS MUCH DAMAGE? I DON'T THINK SO.
22759	CCG: I DON'T EVEN THINK VRISKA'S DID, ALTHOUGH IT'S HARD TO SAY SINCE THAT WAS THE KNOCKOUT BLOW.
22760	CCG: ^^^ SPOILERS.
22761	CCG: I GUESS WE THOUGHT IT WAS LIKE A SECRET JOKE POWER OR SOMETHING?
22762	CCG: BUT THE JOKE IS ON US.
22763	CCG: HE IS OUT OF PIE, AND NOW THE FAYGO GENIE IS OUT OF THE SHITTY SODA BOTTLE FOR GOOD.
22764	CCG: WE ARE SO SCREWED.
22765	CCG: OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK.
22766	CCG: GUYS, I AM TERRIFIED, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.
22767	CCG: I'M IN A ROOM FULL OF BODIES, AND I THINK I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO TURN MY BACK ON THEM?
22768	CCG: OH MY GOD, I JUST HEARD A HONK.
22769	CCG: OH GOD OH GOD OH MAN OH GOD
22770	CCG: NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO
22771	CCG: IT CAME FROM THE HORN PILE
22772	CCG: I DON'T KNOW IF IT WAS JUST THE BODY SETTLING ON AN ERRANT HORN OR...
22773	CCG: OR IF...
22774	CCG: I HAVE TO GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE.
22775	PAST terminallyCapricious [PTC] 420 HOURS AGO responded to memo.
22776	PTC: HeY BeSt fRiEnD.
22777	PTC: nOw wHaT ThE MoThEr fUcK WiLl i bE SuPpOsEd tO Do?
22778	PTC: i'M nOt FoLlOwInG.
22779	CCG: PAST GAMZEE, GOD DAMN IT.
22780	CCG: I AM TRYING TO WARN PEOPLE OF YOUR MURDEROUS FUTURE SELF.
22781	CCG: THIS PRACTICALLY DOESN'T EVEN HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU.
22782	CCG: NOW GO BACK TO GROPING YOUR HORNS AND BEING DISTRACTED BY COLORS YOU USELESS FUCK.
22783	PTC: YeAh, I CaN DeFiNiTeLy cArRy oUt tHaT OrDeR, bRo.
22784	PTC: i gUeSs i'lL WaIt uNtIl tHe mOtHeRfUcKiN FuTuRe hApPeNs tO SeE AbOuT WhAt aLl tHiS MuRdErInG NoIsE Is. :o)
22785	CCG banned PTC from responding to memo.
22786	CCG: LIKE I WAS SAYING.
22787	CCG: STILL FREAKING OUT.
22788	CCG: AUGH
22789	CCG: THERE WAS ANOTHER LITTLE HONK
22790	CCG: IT WAS SO FAINT
22791	CCG: DID I JUST IMAGINE IT? I THINK I MIGHT BE LOSING IT.
22792	CCG: I REALLY HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE, BUT
22793	CCG: I SHOULD TRY TO REVIVE THEM FIRST.
22794	CCG: I KNOW DERSE AND PROSPIT ARE GONE, BUT IF THERE'S ANY CHANCE AT ALL THEY SURVIVED I'VE GOT TO TRY.
22795	CCG: I'M NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO GOING NEAR THAT HORN PILE THOUGH.
22796	CCG: WHAT IF HE'S BEEN IN THERE THE WHOLE TIME???
22797	CCG: I AM SHITTING MYSELF SO HARD HERE, I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO DO.
22798	CCG: GUESS I HAVE TO BRAVE IT FOR FEFERI'S SAKE.
22799	PAST cuttlefishCuller [PCC] 380 HOURS AGO responded to memo.
22800	PCC: For my sake? 38)
22801	PCC: W)(at do you mean, Crabcatc)(?
22802	CCG: OH GOD, FEFERI...
22803	PCC: Is any of t)(is serious?
22804	PCC: It's so )(ard to tell! All of your memos )(ave been so outrageous, I can't even decide w)(at to take seriously anymore.
22805	PCC: T)(is one sounds like the biggest w)(opper of all, to be conknest!
22806	CCG: YES I AM DEAD "GLUBBING" SERIOUS, OK.
22807	PCC: STILL SOUNDS PRETTY FIS)(Y TO M-E!!! 38D
22808	CCG: FEFERI, I'M SORRY.
22809	CCG: IT WAS MY FAULT, I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.
22810	PCC: Sorry for w)(at??
22811	CCG: FOR
22812	CCG: I
22813	CCG: I CAN'T DO THIS
22814	CCG: IT'S TOO MUCH FOR ME, I'M SORRY.
22815	CCG banned PCC from responding to memo.
22816	CCG: BEFORE I GO
22817	CCG: EVERYONE SHOULD ALSO KNOW ERIDAN HAD A COMPLETE SHITHIVE MELTDOWN TOO
22818	CCG: HE'S GOING AROUND KILLING PEOPLE WITH HIS MAGIC WAND
22819	CCG: SO KEEP AN EYE OUT FOR HIM.
22820	CCG: IF I RUN INTO HIM AGAIN, I'M...
22821	CCG: I DON'T EVEN KNOW.
22822	CCG: HE BETTER PRAY TO ALL HIS MURDERED ANGELS IT DOESN'T HAPPEN.
22823	PAST caligulasAquarium [PCA] 311 HOURS AGO responded to memo.
22824	PCA: a magic wwand is that so
22825	PCA: kar come on noww evveryone fuckin KNOWWS this memos rubbish
22826	CCG: HEY ASSHOLE
22827	CCG: CONSIDER OUR "PACT" OVER
22828	PCA: wwevve got a pact
22829	CCG: NOT ANYMORE
22830	CCG: YOU ARE DEAD TO ME
22831	CCG: PAST YOU, PRESENT YOU, FUTURE YOU
22832	CCG: AND ABOVE ALL, UGLY SCARFNECKED DOUCHEBAG HIPSTER YOU
22833	CCG: WAIT I FORGOT, ALL OF THE YOUS ARE THAT YOU
22834	CCG: IF I WASN'T SO TERRIFIED, I'D BE CONSUMED WITH ANGER, AND AS SOON AS I'M DONE COWERING IN A DARK CORNER HIDING FROM THAT HONKING MURDEROUS TOOL, I'M GOING TO HUNT YOU DOWN AND FILLET YOU WITH MY SICKLE.
22835	PCA: wwhoa kar
22836	PCA: this is nothin if not flatterin but dont you think youre comin on a little strong
22837	CCG: OH GOD
22838	CCG: I AM NOT HITTING ON YOU IDIOT, THIS IS HONEST TO GOD PLATONIC ENMITY
22839	CCG: LIKE IN THE "I REALLY DO WANT YOU TO DIE" KIND OF WAY.
22840	CCG: I AM NOT INITIATING AN ELABORATE CALIGINOUS WALTZ WITH YOU YOU DESPERATE SHIT.
22841	PCA: i mean yeah obvviously i kneww you wwerent serious
22842	PCA: i guess i appreciate the effort youre puttin into cheerin me up
22843	PCA: i can alwways count on you for some good ironic repartee kar nobody else really gets our sense a humor
22844	CCG: UGH, NO
22845	PCA: are you busy
22846	PCA: you said youd try to make it to lowwaa soon wwell howw about it
22847	CCG: DUDE, ARE YOU AN IDIOT, YOU CAN PLAINLY SEE I AM FROM 300 FUCKING HOURS IN THE FUTURE, EVEN IF I WERE REMOTELY INTERESTED, WHICH TO THAT I SIMPLY SAY WHAT THE FUCK.
22848	PCA: oh hahaha yeah losin track a the time shit is easy wwhen wwe start riffin like this kar
22849	CCG: LIKE WHAT? WHAT ARE WE EVEN DOING HERE
22850	PCA: im just lonely here and i got major ordeals to keep afloat wwith
22851	CCG: I KNOW YOU'RE LONELY, GOD DAMN IT, WHO CARES.
22852	PCA: im sayin it wwould be cool to hang out and you said you wwould
22853	PCA: can you put in a wword wwith your past self maybe buggin him to make the trip wwhen he gets the chance
22854	CCG: WAIT, WERE YOU HITTING ON ME BACK THEN?
22855	CCG: *ARE* YOU HITTING ON ME?
22856	CCG: LIKE AN ACTUAL RED SOLICITATION, IS THAT WAS THIS WAS???
22857	PCA: wwhat
22858	CCG: GOD DAMN IT, I AM CHEWING YOU OUT FOR WAND MURDER, AND YOU ARE FLIRTING WITH ME
22859	CCG: MY FUCKING GOD MAN.
22860	PCA: hey im not spyin you bein anythin but cagey wwhat wwith this wwhole line a humor and all
22861	CCG: HOW ABOUT NO, DIPSHIT, NOT INTERESTED?????
22862	PCA: evven if i wwasnt compelled to think you wwere still bein flippant and ironic wwith me you cant exactly outright reject me can you
22863	CCG: WHY NOT
22864	PCA: cause youre future you
22865	PCA: doesnt count unless its present you til then its all fair game
22866	CCG: IS THIS REAL, ARE YOU BEING IRONIC OR SOMETHING, I CAN'T EVEN TELL ANYMORE
22867	CCG: THE PROBLEM IS, I CAN'T PUT THIS SORT OF BEHAVIOR PAST YOU AT ALL, SO I DON'T KNOW.
22868	PCA: just send past you ovver man wwell hang out
22869	PCA: its not like im doin anythin right noww
22870	CCG: LIKE FUCK YOU AREN'T
22871	PCA: wwhats that mean
22872	CCG: YOU'RE KILLING ANGELS NOW, AREN'T YOU
22873	PCA: no
22874	CCG: YOU ARE KILLING FUCKING ANGELS, RIGHT NOW, IN THE PAST, WITH YOUR SHITTY GUN. I JUST KNOW IT.
22875	PCA: wwell uh
22876	PCA: therere just so damn many kar and theyre not gettin any less bloody pissed is the thing
22877	CCG: THIS IS WHY IT WOULD NEVER WORK BETWEEN US, MAN.
22878	CCG: BECAUSE YOU ARE A STONE COLD RETARDED FUCKING IDIOT.
22879	CCG: NOT TO MENTION COWARDLY BACKSTABBING MURDERER.
22880	CCG: I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU FOREVER.
22881	PCA: kar im gettin some seriously mixed signals here
22882	CCG: HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO THEM
22883	PCA: wwhat to wwho
22884	CCG: TO
22885	CCG: FUCK
22886	CCG: I THOUGHT YOU LOVED HER.
22887	PCA: wwho man wwhat are you talkin about
22888	CCG: AND ALSO...
22889	PCA: wwhat youre not makin sense
22890	CCG: I CAN'T
22891	CCG: I CAN'T EVEN TYPE HER NAME
22892	CCG: SHE WAS MY FRIEND
22893	CCG: SHE WAS MY REALLY *GOOD* FRIEND AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL TO DO NOW THAT SHE'S GONE.
22894	CCG: I'M SO UPSET, I'M JUST COMPLETELY FREAKING OUT IN EVERY WAY POSSIBLE.
22895	PCA: yeah i knoww wwhat its like you wwanna talk about it
22896	CCG: FUCK NO.
22897	CCG: I CAN'T STAND TO LOOK AT YOUR DUMB PURPLE WORDS ANYMORE.
22898	CCG: NEXT TIME I SEE THAT SHITTY COLOR YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT'LL BE COMING OUT OF YOUR BODY.
22899	CCG: AND NO, FOR THE LOVE OF FUCK, THAT WAS NOT INNUENDO.
22900	CCG banned PCA from responding to memo.
22901	CCG: ANYWAY
22902	CCG: THAT'S IT I GUESS.
22903	FUTURE terminallyCapricious [FTC] 0:42:00 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.
22904	FTC: honk.
22905	CCG: OH GOD
22906	FTC: HEY BEST MOTHERFUCKING FRIEND.
22907	FTC: what all seems to be the motherfuckin problem? :o)
22908	CCG: OH GOD OH GOD
22909	CCG: DON'T YOU SEE EVERYONE?
22910	CCG: THIS CRAZY FUCKER HAS COMPLETELY CRACKED, I TOLD YOU.
22911	FTC: THAT'S KICKIN THE WICKED MOTHERFUCKIN MISINFORMATION, MY BROTHER.
22912	FTC: i'm as chill as all what's can be.
22913	FTC: NO CAUSE FOR ALARM, JUST MOTHERFUCKIN GONNA SIT AND ZONE THE MOTHERFUCK OUT WITH A PAN RUSTING PIE LIKE AS MY USUAL MOTHERFUCKIN SELF DOES.
22914	FTC: honk.
22915	FTC: HONK.
22916	FTC: honk.
22917	FTC: HONK.
22918	CCG: OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD
22919	FTC: i'm in your future, best friend.
22920	FTC: I KNOW WHERE YOU MOTHERFUCKING ARE.
22921	FTC: and what you'll motherfuckin do.
22922	CCG: NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO
22923	FTC: AND ALSO.
22924	FTC: and also.
22925	FTC: GUESS MOTHERFUCKIN WHAT.
22926	CCG: .....
22927	CCG: NO I DON'T WANT TO
22928	FTC: i'm all about to be meeting up some friends. :o)
22929	FTC: GOING TO GET PRETTY MOTHERFUCKING FRIENDLY AT THEM REAL SOON.
22930	FTC: i wonder if you can all be at with me in time and make me get my reconsider on?
22931	FTC: MAYBE SPLIT AN ELIXIR LIKE A COUPLE OF CHOICE BROS.
22932	FTC: just like we are... :o)
22933	FTC: ME AND HIM. Do:
22934	FTC: hoooooooooooooooooonk. ;oD
22935	CCG: OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK
22936	CCG: I HAVE TO GO
22937	CCG closed memo.
22938	Oh my!
22939	What have we here???
22940	The upset of the upsetting discovery quickly turns to dismay and grief. Adios, sweet Toreadoormat.
22941	You succumb to emotion. Tears are in order, probably. You attempt a sniffle. A wobble of the lip, even.
22942	Alas, the tears will not come. Stupid lousy doomed Dave and your stupid lousy complicity in his death. Getting you all cried out like that.
22943	Oh well, whatever. There are more important things at hand to concern yourself with than the flow of teal ocular discharge. A crime has been committed.
22944	And where crime strikes, there is justice to be done.
22945	The scene is a gruesome spectacle to your nose, otherwise known as a nostacle. Under other circumstances, the aroma could be delightful. A rich chocolatey bouquet, sent from the heavens.
22946	But at the scene of this fresh murder, the smell is highly unpalatable. Stomach turning, even. It smells like all the worst things you would expect it to, and more.
22947	But a true legislacerator must be steeled to the revolting. Only the truth matters. And if there's one thing that matters even more than the truth, which there is, it's justice. Someone is going to pay.
22948	Before the full investigation is underway, a legislacerator will always have a chief suspect in mind. The one she will hold guilty until proven otherwise, a process customarily taking place after the execution.
22949	Even so, it is only prudent to stay open to the possibility of other culprits. As they say in your line of work, there's always room on the gallows for more to swing. And though executing the wrong person is only a minor embarrassment to the courtblock, it is an embarrassment nonetheless.
22950	His Tyranny will surely commend you for your due diligence by graciously neglecting to eat you after the trial.
22951	Above, you detect faint traces of what you reckon to be special stardust, such as the kind left behind by the flapping wings of a mischievous fairy.
22952	Suspicious indeed.
22953	And not far from that, you detect bright trails of white light. It smells... hopeful.
22954	Also curious.
22955	And that noise. Behind you...
22956	Oh, of course. It is Gamzee up to his unmistakable charades. He is wandering around somewhere out there in the abyss.
22957	He probably has no idea what sort of danger he is in, with one or more murderers on the loose. Poor guy. You will have to seek him out shortly and offer him protection. You'd feel terrible if you were to lose any more friends.
22958	But first you must complete your investigation.
22959	Professor Pucefoot, Inspector Berrybreath, and Doctor Honeytongue reporting.
22960	Your team of forensic scientists is the best there is. There is no bit of evidence which will escape their eager and busy snouts.
22961	Professor Pucefoot immediately begins drawing a pointless chalk outline around the body, as is standard protocol.
22962	Which is to say, you hold up a piece of chalk to his snout and draw it yourself. Yuck, the chalk is getting blood on it! You will have to discard that color.
22963	You grind up a piece of chalk and dab Inspector Berrybreath's ample plush rump into the powder.
22964	You dust the victim's robotic apparatus, revealing nothing. Quite the slippery one you're dealing with.
22965	There are no prints on the victim's face either.
22966	THIS WAS SURELY THE WORK OF A MASTER CRIMINAL.
22967	The murder weapon however reveals a plethora of prints! Your keen tongue tells you that most of these belong to the victim. But several are unidentified. Hmm...
22968	(You are only pretending to think there is any chance they are not Vriska's, because otherwise it would be no fun.)
22969	The inspector's bottom has become dreadfully bloody though...
22970	You believe you will dismiss the inspector.
22971	What's that, Doctor Honeytongue? Your analysis is inconclusive? You are recommending a full autopsy of the corpse, you say?
22972	No, Honeytongue! Are you quite mad???
22973	The corpse must not be dismembered just yet! There could still be hope for the victim's resurrection! And according to the legislacerator's handbook, the victim's well being is among the highest of investigative priorities.
22974	The odds that his dream self survived are quite slim, you admit. But you must at least try for the sake of your friend, even if it means braving the awful stench.
22975	This is not going to be pretty. But what are friends for if they can't smooch each others butchered corpses when the need arises? You will just have to suck it up. You can do it, Terezi.
22976	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/corpsesmooch.gif" border="0" />
22977	Alas, they cannot be revived.
22978	Their dream selves have been slain.
22979	Oh no! Rufio has just been murdered through the chest by his cruel nemesis, Captain Hook! His newfound father figure and Man-Skylark watches in horror!!!
22980	NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
22981	Speak to me, Rufio.
22982	Oh god what has he done. Rufio? Please tell me that's just mohawk dye. Please just be mohawk dye please just be mohawk dye please just be mohawk dye. Haha, ok, make-believe time is over! Oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god.
22983	I wish you had a dad like me too, Rufio. And how I wish you could have been my son. You were so much better than that traitorous piece of shit Cal who betrayed me to join Hook.
22984	You taught me so much, Rufio. You taught me to crow. You taught me to fight. You taught me to fly. Please don't teach me to die now. I know no one thought you were real. But I believed in you. I always believed. I won't let you leave me.
22985	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/THIS.gif" border="0" />
22986	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/IS.gif" border="0" />
22987	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/STUPID.gif" border="0" />
22988	Why don't we see what John's up to.
22989	You are transfixed by the haunting mystery and beauty of this cloud's message. How long have you been staring at it? Minutes? Hours? You have begun to lose track of time.
22990	What could it be? Two squirming cephalopods locked in a mating ritual? You suppose you will never know.
22991	You somehow manage to pry your eyes from the exquisite celestial projection.
22992	You have been exploring the battlefield with a new ally, a friendly fellow who strikes you as a sort of WIZARDLY VASSAL. Your travels have led you here.
22993	You spy a WALLET lying on the ground.
22994	You pick up the WALLET. It is full of many things. But the first thing to catch your eye is a NOTE.
22995	You are suddenly extremely overwhelmed. How can one boy handle such awesome power and responsibility?
22996	You also wonder why your dad dropped his wallet. It's as if he knew you would find it here. Perhaps he has been cloud gazing too?
22997	Anyway, you wonder what else he's got in here?
22998	The first card you examine contains ONE TON OF SHAVING CREAM.
22999	Your father is nothing if not prepared.
23000	Oh goodness, such lovely cargo the boy has produced from his small brown square.
23001	The black and white patterns on these little carapaced cylinders are impossibly attractive.
23002	You should be careful with that. Do you have any idea how flammable shaving cream is?
23003	You gulp down decadent foamy dollops of the BEARD BUSTER, and quickly respond with the BLUH callback as depicted jostling in the lower right hand corner of the image, because it is not nearly as tasty as you'd hoped.
23004	But then you keep eating it anyway.
23005	You don't have all day to be pawing through this thing while your silly friend eats shaving cream. You've already wasted hours staring at mysterious things happening in clouds.
23006	Time to take a rapid inventory.
23007	Look at all this fatherly loot!
23008	An inviting PILE OF PIPES, a somewhat less inviting PILE OF RAZOR BLADES, a SPARE CAR, an assortment of SHOES, HATS, and TIES, several issues of THE SERIOUS JESTER, TICKET STUBS TO CIRQUE DU SOLEIL (you would prefer to forget what happened that day, he was just so embarrassing), a BRIEFCASE FULL OF FATHERLY DOCUMENTS, a VARIETY OF PHOTOGRAPHS, a LAPTOP COMPUTER, TEN TONS OF PIPE TOBACCO, and a LIGHTER.
23009	The wallet unsurprisingly contained a series of sentimental photographs of you when you were young. Some of these photos appear to have jokes written on the back. Others, cake recipes.
23010	He also kept a series of portraits of some of his favorite comedians. Some are understandable. Harry Anderson goes without saying. Bill Cosby? LIVING FATHERLY LEGEND. But his interest in Mr. Foxworthy always struck you as a little lame. Those redneck jokes were so corny and stupid. You secretly suspected your father was mostly arrested by the man's mustache. Maybe he fantasized about shaving the man's egregious furry lip? This seems like a reasonable theory to you.
23011	Hooray, a computer! You have been dying for a way to talk to your friends again.
23012	He bought this laptop at the DADLY DEPOT, an incredibly boring store established to furnish dignified gentlemen everywhere with dull fatherly goods. It was always so boring when he dragged you there. You have no idea who this douche bag is. "Who's this douche bag?" is what you ask every time you see his smug face. Maybe you're being unfair to the man, though.
23013	Some guy named Crosby, you guess? Who cares. He's so boring.
23014	You recaptchalogue the stuff and put it away neatly in your dad's sweet wallet.
23015	You are almost done. Just one more thing to...
23016	Oh for the love of...
23017	Fine. You guess you are going for a little ride.
23018	Safety is the most important thing.
23019	You presume the windy boy knows what he is doing. You tug the dark sash across your chest and secure it.
23020	This is an incredible look for you. It's too bad the fashion accessory seems to trap you inside this vehicle. Human fashion and transportation and safety sure are weird, and apparently interrelated.
23021	Your feet do not reach the little steppy levers.
23022	Your copilot points out that you also do not have the key.
23023	You are terribly disappointed.
23024	He probably would have been a terrible driver anyway.
23025	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/LIFDOFF.gif" border="0" />
23026	EB: hey jade, are you there? i have a computer now.
23027	EB: this boring guy keeps blinking at me though, and it's weird.
23028	GG: john!!! :D
23029	GG: wow, finally!
23030	EB: hi!
23031	EB: sorry i disappeared after you entered the game...
23032	EB: but from what i have seen in the clouds, it doesn't look like you have had much trouble making progress!
23033	GG: nope!
23034	GG: dave was able to set up as my server player
23035	GG: he is building up my house right now so that we can deploy some equipment up there
23036	EB: oh, nice!
23037	EB: dave is serving ALL the ladies, isn't he?
23038	GG: yep!
23039	EB: he is like a dude on butler island.
23040	EB: i mean, a dude who happens to be one of the butlers...
23041	EB: doing a lot of serving, to various ladies who are vacationing at this snooty resort.
23042	EB: wait, i am fucking this up.
23043	GG: :o
23044	GG: thats ok, i wont tell him about it
23045	EB: ok, good.
23046	EB: all i am saying is, why can't i have a dave butler too?
23047	GG: well, maybe you can.....
23048	GG: i will try to put in a good word for you B)
23049	EB: thank you.
23050	EB: what is the equipment you're deploying?
23051	GG: im not sure!
23052	GG: something to do with cloning i guess? it serves some purpose in my quest as witch of space
23053	GG: a nice troll named kanaya has been advising me on stuff about that
23054	GG: have you talked to her?
23055	EB: hmm... i don't think so. not recently anyway.
23056	GG: you should!
23057	GG: a bunch of trolls are not nearly as bad as i thought
23058	GG: even karkat! he has been helping me too... sort of, hehe
23059	EB: he has? but i thought he "hated" you!
23060	GG: oh yeah, he said plenty of stuff like that, but i dont think he ever actually meant it
23061	GG: flying off the handle is part is of his charm in a funny way, once you know that about him
23062	EB: yes, this is what i have concluded about him as well.
23063	EB: he is a pretty great guy. i am really looking forward to more of his outbursts, especially his first conversation with me, which i am to understand will be legendary.
23064	EB: but we shouldn't tell him we said any of this, or he will be "furious"!
23065	GG: heheheh
23066	GG: shhhhhhhhh
23067	EB: so what else have you been up to?
23068	EB: we should try to catch up as much as possible!
23069	GG: yeah!
23070	GG: hmm what else... theres been so much going on, its been a little hard to keep track of it all!
23071	GG: why dont you tell me what youve been up to first?
23072	EB: oh man.
23073	EB: you will never guess what i am doing right now.
23074	EB: go ahead, try to guess, you will not succeed.
23075	GG: ..............
23076	GG: whoa :O
23077	GG: john where did you get that nice flying car??????
23078	EB: oh god dammit!
23079	EB: how do you know!
23080	EB: do you have rose's crystal ball?
23081	GG: sort of!
23082	GG: she gave me the code, and i made a cool pair of goggles with it
23083	EB: argh, i am surrounded by real life witches!
23084	EB: everyone i know is turning magic, it's ridiculous.
23085	EB: including me! i'm magic now.
23086	GG: it certainly seems so! what with your fancy magic car
23087	GG: and your chauffeur familiar, i guess?
23088	EB: no, he is neither a chauffeur, nor a familiar...
23089	EB: he is just a new friend!
23090	EB: also, this is not a magic car, it is an ordinary car.
23091	EB: i found it in my dad's wallet.
23092	GG: you did???
23093	EB: yes, i just found his wallet on the ground.
23094	EB: but my dad was nowhere to be found. :(
23095	GG: :(
23096	EB: the clouds led me to the wallet though, so maybe they will keep leading me to him?
23097	GG: hmmmmm...
23098	GG: maybe, but hang on let me try something
23099	EB: ok.
23100	EB: i have seen lots of interesting things in the clouds...
23101	EB: i guess you used to see things like that all the time, right?
23102	GG: yes!
23103	GG: what have you seen?
23104	EB: wow, uh...
23105	EB: well, lots of things that were mysterious and didn't make much sense...
23106	EB: but also lots of things i recognized.
23107	EB: like stuff i have done before. and also stuff i will do in the future.
23108	EB: and things that rose and dave have been up to...
23109	EB: and you too!
23110	GG: :O
23111	GG: like what, what did you seeeee?
23112	EB: well, i saw you on your island, and saw you sleeping in a floating bed, and...
23113	EB: i saw your pretty snow planet...
23114	EB: and i saw you with some frogs...
23115	EB: have you found any frogs yet?
23116	GG: frogs?
23117	GG: no...
23118	EB: well, i saw you once in a neat outfit...
23119	EB: it was kind of like you were torn from the pages of my favorite japanese mangas.
23120	EB: and the snow was melting.
23121	EB: and you were surrounded by frogs for some reason!
23122	EB: heh, now it sounds like i am describing a weird dream i had about you.
23123	GG: sure does!
23124	EB: which i guess is sorta true?? anyway, i guess that must not have happened yet.
23125	GG: nope! but that sounds pretty interesting
23126	GG: i wonder why i would be surrounded by frogs?
23127	EB: dunno! but you are a witch, remember.
23128	EB: witches LOVE frogs.
23129	GG: hahaha thats true!
23130	GG: i hope i am not planning on putting them in a cauldron or anything o_o
23131	EB: i doubt it, it looked to me like a friendly gathering.
23132	GG: whew!
23133	EB: oh, and one time i saw a green version of you with pointy ears, and you were crying!
23134	EB: did that happen yet?
23135	GG: bluh. yes :|
23136	GG: i prototyped my dead dream self and tried to get her to fight jack
23137	GG: but it turned out to be a BIG MISTAKE
23138	GG: god i cant believe how dumb that idea was, she was an emotional wreck
23139	EB: oh no!
23140	EB: what happened? where is she now?
23141	GG: oh, she went off to cry somewhere else... good riddance!
23142	EB: wow jade, you really have been up to a lot!
23143	GG: hehe i guess so
23144	EB: and i have just been staring at these dumb clouds for hours or whatever.
23145	EB: i even saw my own dead body in a cloud!
23146	GG: what!!!!!
23147	GG: oh noooo
23148	EB: it's ok though, it already happened.
23149	EB: i was sort of tricked into sleeping on my quest bed.
23150	EB: and when i went to sleep, jack killed me.
23151	EB: she must have known that would happen...
23152	GG: who?
23153	EB: vriska. do you know her?
23154	GG: i dont think so!
23155	EB: she is pretty cool, but just between you and me, she might be a little crazy!
23156	GG: well if she tricked you into getting killed, then i would have to agree
23157	EB: but, i don't think it's really like that...
23158	EB: honestly i think dying was a necessary part of the process, and she just didn't tell me so i wouldn't get scared.
23159	GG: what process?
23160	GG: and how are you alive now if you died! john im a little confused
23161	EB: well... i died on the quest bed and woke up here, as my dream self.
23162	EB: and now i have all these sweet wind powers.
23163	EB: which is how i am making this car fly!
23164	GG: ohhhhhh!
23165	GG: that makes sense
23166	GG: dave had mentioned you reached the god tier
23167	EB: yeah!
23168	GG: but he did not say what it involved D:
23169	GG: he probably didnt want to make me worried
23170	EB: maybe, or he was just being some sort of aloof coolkid.
23171	GG: or that!
23172	GG: but he also said that no one else would do it but you...
23173	GG: actually, now it makes sense that i wouldnt be able to, since my dream self is dead
23174	GG: its too bad really
23175	EB: yeah...
23176	GG: i wonder what space powers would be like??
23177	EB: hmm, i have no idea!
23178	GG: oh well
23179	EB: maybe you shouldn't rule it out though?
23180	EB: i mean, you did mention your dream self isn't COMPLETELY dead, remember?
23181	GG: !!!
23182	GG: youre right...
23183	GG: i suddenly dont know if i want to become a god tier anymore :(
23184	EB: heheh.
23185	EB: she was that bad, huh?
23186	GG: DX
23187	GG: i dont even want to talk about her! she is sad and cowardly.
23188	EB: ok, i will not pry.
23189	GG: why dont you tell me about your new friend?
23190	GG: he sure seems to be enjoying that horn!
23191	EB: i know, right?
23192	EB: /rolls eyes
23193	EB: he is just this silly guy i met when i woke up here.
23194	EB: he seemed to be curious about me and followed me around for a while.
23195	EB: also, i noticed he was wearing my bedsheet.
23196	GG: haha! what is he doing with that!
23197	EB: i don't know, there seems to be this whole cult full of people who worship my ghost sheets.
23198	EB: i ran into a bunch of them in a salamander village, they are all completely ridiculous.
23199	EB: so i guess he is a member of the cult?
23200	GG: probably!
23201	GG: you are just going to have to deal with the fact that you are becoming a famous hero john, and people everywhere will idolize you
23202	EB: derp! they aren't idolizing ME, it's my dumb bedsheets they love!
23203	EB: it's so stupid.
23204	EB: OH!
23205	EB: also, another thing about him...
23206	EB: he has the queen's ring!
23207	GG: :o
23208	GG: thats great! john you have to get that ring from him!
23209	EB: i've tried! i asked him politely for it and everything.
23210	EB: but he is very protective of it!
23211	GG: hmmmmmmmmmm
23212	GG: that is a problem!
23213	EB: actually, i think it's ok.
23214	EB: i think he is supposed to keep it.
23215	GG: you do?
23216	EB: yes. once i saw something in the clouds.
23217	EB: it was hard to tell what was going on, but i saw him!
23218	EB: im pretty sure it was the future, and he had the ring, and...
23219	GG: and what?
23220	EB: and then the cloud stopped showing me.
23221	EB: but i am pretty sure that some day...
23222	EB: he will have to wear it!
23223	GG: 8O
23224	EB: so i think i will just let him keep it.
23225	EB: for some reason, i trust him.
23226	GG: ok john.....
23227	GG: i trust you
23228	GG: so i will trust in your trust in him
23229	EB: yeah, trust all around!
23230	GG: im going to be a supportive piece of shit all day and fall down all this trust!
23231	EB: how trustworthy do you even have to BE to CONFIDE in someone like that.
23232	GG: lol
23233	EB: anyway, i guess that's enough of that nonsense.
23234	EB: i should keep looking for my dad!
23235	EB: maybe if i fly around in this car with this guy beeping here, the noise will get his attention and he will find me.
23236	GG: john, i already found your dad!
23237	EB: you did?
23238	GG: yes i found him with my goggles almost right away!
23239	GG: but i didnt want to interrupt you
23240	EB: oh! well that sure is convenient!
23241	EB: where is he?
23242	GG: he is with roses mom
23243	GG: they are in a castle, having some sort of tea party together
23244	GG: they appear to be enjoying each others company!
23245	GG: its quite adorable actually
23246	EB: oh wow...
23247	EB: jade, what if they get married or something???
23248	EB: oh god, if rose became my sister too, that would wreak HAVOC on karkat's shipping diagram!
23249	EB: as leader of this team i submit that we cannot afford to let this happen!!!!!!!!!!
23250	EB: everyone man your battle stations!!!
23251	GG: RED ALERT!!!!!!
23252	EB: we have a ship to sink! arm torpedoes!!!!!!
23253	GG: AWOOOOOOOOOOOGA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
23254	EB: KA-PCHOOOOOOOOOOOOO. target destroyed. B)
23255	EB: heheh, i am just joking around, of course.
23256	GG: durrrr oh really john :p
23257	EB: :P
23258	GG: but really, they make a nice couple and i think it would be great if they got married!
23259	EB: yes, i agree.
23260	EB: even if it would make it awkward for me to marry rose.
23261	GG: i guess so
23262	EB: but maybe that doesn't matter? these are kind of special circumstances.
23263	GG: yes they are pretty special
23264	EB: i wonder if my dad and her mom would mind us getting married...
23265	GG: i dunno
23266	GG: who are they to stand between two youngsters in love?
23267	EB: whoa, in love???
23268	GG: yes john, two people must be in love in order to get married
23269	GG: it is one of the rules!
23270	EB: oh jeez, yeah i guess you're right.
23271	GG: so what do you say john, are you in love with rose?
23272	EB: um...
23273	GG: and if not, are you prepared to fall in love with her?
23274	EB: er.
23275	GG: wellllll? :D
23276	EB: argh!
23277	EB: this line of questioning is making me flustered.
23278	EB: all i know is, i was ordered by karkat to marry rose.
23279	EB: i think we can both agree that it would be reckless to look at a crappy shipping diagram made by an alien, and ignore its message altogether.
23280	GG: i didnt even know karkat made a shipping diagram...
23281	EB: it's a thing of beauty, and it will save the human race.
23282	GG: i will have to make him show me
23283	EB: yes.
23284	EB: btw, you will marry dave.
23285	EB: 100% TRUE REALITY.
23286	GG: <_<;
23287	EB: it's ok though, i will not press you on your feelings for him.
23288	EB: i already know you are totally into the strider anyway.
23289	GG: whaaat...
23290	EB: it's all in the diagram, jade.
23291	EB: it's all in the diagram.
23292	GG: i dont know about that!
23293	GG: i clearly need to take a good hard look at this prophetic document
23294	GG: and possibly tell karkat what an idiot he is!
23295	EB: that you do.
23296	EB: ok but anyway, who cares about his terrible shitty drawings and meddlesome romantic schemes!
23297	EB: how do i find my dad!
23298	GG: uh
23299	GG: well, i dont actually know where he is relative to you!
23300	GG: so i dont know if i can give you directions
23301	EB: bluh!!!
23302	GG: there might be some way to do that...
23303	GG: these goggles are actually REALLY COMPLICATED!
23304	GG: i will look into it and get back to you
23305	GG: in the meantime, why dont you fly around and keep looking?
23306	GG: at least now you know to look for a castle
23307	GG: and maybe the clouds will give you some more tips!
23308	EB: yes, that's a good idea, i'll do that.
23309	EB: thanks for the help, jade!
23310	GG: sure! <3
23311	EB: i will talk to you later.
23312	GG: later!
23313	CG: JOHN.
23314	EB: karkat!
23315	EB: what's up?
23316	CG: I'M NOT SURE WHY I'M TELLING YOU THIS.
23317	CG: I GUESS IT'S JUST OUT OF A SENSE OF OBLIGATION AT THIS POINT.
23318	CG: WE'VE COME THIS FAR
23319	CG: SO I FEEL LIKE YOU SHOULD KNOW.
23320	EB: know what?
23321	CG: I MIGHT NOT MAKE IT OUT OF THIS ALIVE
23322	CG: THIS MIGHT EVEN BE THE LAST TIME YOU HEAR FROM ME.
23323	CG: WAIT, WHAT THE FUCK AM I SAYING, THE LAST TIME YOU HEAR FROM ME WILL BE THE FIRST TIME YOU HEAR FROM ME.
23324	EB: uh...
23325	CG: I MEAN THIS COULD BE THE LAST TIME FROM MY PERSPECTIVE.
23326	CG: BECAUSE FROM MY PERSPECTIVE I COULD BE DEAD SOON.
23327	EB: oh no!
23328	EB: are you in some sort of trouble?
23329	EB: is it jack?
23330	EB: karkat???
23331	EB: what's going on?
23332	CG: OH GOD THE HONKING
23333	CG: WHY WON'T THE HONKING STOP
23334	CG: I HAVE TO GO
23335	CG: SORRY FOR BEING SUCH A DOUCHE TO YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS.
23336	CG: I HOPE YOU CAN SUCCEED AS A LEADER WHERE I FAILED MISERABLY.
23337	This message was rather disconcerting. You urge your navigator to ease up on the honking for a while, since it is distracting, and in somewhat bad taste given the circumstances.
23338	You think you should try to message your friend back.
23339	EB: karkat!!!
23340	EB: hey buddy, you were making me worried there...
23341	EB: are you ok?
23342	CG: WHAT IN THE NAME OF SWEET GLOBE TICKLING FUCK.
23343	CG: EGBERT, I JUST GOT DONE ERUPTING A WHOLE VOLCANO OF MERCILESS FUCK YOU ON THE PRIMITIVE VILLAGE LOCATED SQUARELY ON YOUR CROTCH.
23344	CG: ASSUMING THAT'S A SUITABLY TERRIBLE PART OF HUMAN ANATOMY FOR A VILLAGE IN JEOPARDY TO EXIST.
23345	EB: errr...
23346	CG: SHUT UP. HOW DARE YOU CONTACT ME WHILE I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF MY BACKWARDS MARCH OF HATE THROUGH YOUR TEDIOUS TIMELINE.
23347	EB: oh god, this is not right!
23348	EB: you aren't supposed to hate me anymore, you're supposed to be kinda my friend, sorta!
23349	EB: when is this?
23350	CG: WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHEN IS THIS
23351	CG: OK, LET ME JUST CHECK THE UNIVERSAL CLOCK WHICH KEEPS CONSISTENT TIME FOR ALL FRAMES OF REFERENCE AND ALL PLANES OF REALITY.
23352	CG: IT'S HALF PAST YOU'RE A MORON.
23353	EB: ok, duh! i know that.
23354	EB: i mean, how many times have you talked to me before?
23355	CG: WE JUST GOT DONE WITH OUR SECOND CONVERSATION. HOW CAN YOU NOT KNOW THIS?
23356	EB: AUGH!
23357	EB: this isn't good, i need to talk to future you!
23358	CG: WHY
23359	EB: because it sounds like you're in trouble.
23360	EB: i think maybe you are running from jack?
23361	CG: OF COURSE WE'RE RUNNING FROM JACK, I JUST GOT DONE FUCKING TELLING YOU THAT.
23362	EB: no, i know, but...
23363	EB: *SIGN*
23364	CG: I GUESS MY FUTURE CONVERSATIONS WILL INSTIGATE SOME MISGUIDED NEED FOR YOU TO GET IN TOUCH WITH ME LATER ON.
23365	CG: WHAT HAVE I GOTTEN MYSELF INTO HERE.
23366	CG: I SWEAR, IT NEVER ENDS WITH THE ULTIMATE RIDDLE SHIT. EVEN AFTER THE GAME IS OVER.
23367	CG: EVEN AFTER YOU LOSE IT! HOW UNFAIR IS THAT.
23368	EB: ultimate riddle shit?
23369	CG: I CAN TELL THIS CONVERSATION IS GOING TO BE A UTTER FUCKING JOY TO PARTICIPATE IN.
23370	CG: I HONESTLY ENVY ANYONE IN THE POSITION OF NOT HAVING TO PUT UP WITH READING IT.
23371	CG: BUT YOU ASKED FOR IT, JOHN, SO HERE WE GO.
23372	CG: ARE YOU READY
23373	EB: no, i just want to talk to future you. :(
23374	CG: NO YOU DON'T
23375	CG: TAKE IT FROM ME
23376	CG: THE GUY IS A BASTARD.
23377	You have been so busy being consumed by unspeakable horror, you didn't notice someone has been trying to contact you.
23378	GC: K4RK4T, 1 H4V3 GR4V3 4ND S3R1OUS N3WS TO R3PORT
23379	GC: 1 H4V3 D1SCOV3R3D TH3 SC3N3 OF 4 R34L L1F3 MURD3R!
23380	GC: T4VROS W4S TH3 V1CT1M >:[
23381	GC: 1M V3RY UPS3T, BUT 1 4M TRY1NG TO ST4Y PROF3SS1ON4L 4BOUT 1T
23382	GC: TH1S CR1M3 1S NOT GO1NG TO SOLV3 1TS3LF >:]
23383	GC: 1 H4V3 CONDUCT3D MY PR3ML1M1N4RY FOR3NS1C 4N4LYS1S OF TH3 SC3N3, BUT MY F1ND1NGS H4V3 B33N MOSTLY 1NCONCLUS1V3
23384	GC: (1 4M ONLY PR3T3ND1NG TO TH1NK TH3R3 1S 4NY CH4NC3 1T W4S NOT VR1SK4, B3C4US3 OTH3RW1S3 1T WOULD B3 NO FUN)
23385	GC: 4NYW4Y, 1 JUST W4NT3D TO W4RN YOU TH3R3 1S 4 BLOODTH1RSTY MURD3R3R ON TH3 LOOS3, 4ND YOU SHOULD B3 C4R3FUL OUT TH3R3!
23386	GC: NOW 1 MUST 4TT3MPT TO R3V1V3 TH3 V1CT1M...
23387	GC: 3333UGH...
23388	GC: K4RK4T YOU C4NNOT 3V3N 1M4G1N3 WH4T TH1S SM3LLS L1K3 >XO
23389	GC: BUT 1 PR1D3 MYS3LF ON B31NG 4 TRU3 PROF3SS1ON4L, 4S W3LL 4S 4N 3XC3LL3NT FR13ND
23390	GC: 1 W1LL B3 4W4Y FROM MY GL4SS3S FOR JUST 4 MOM3NT
23391	GC: SO 1F YOU G3T TH1S M3SS4G3 PL34S3 B3 P4T13NT >:]
23392	CG: TEREZI? ARE YOU THERE???
23393	CG: OH FUCK, TAVROS IS DEAD TOO?
23394	CG: TEREZI LISTEN TO ME YOU HAVE TO GET OUT OF THERE.
23395	CG: VRISKA IS THE LEAST OF OUR PROBLEMS.
23396	CG: WAIT
23397	CG: FORENSIC ANALYSIS? ARE YOU FUCKING INSANE?
23398	CG: PUT YOUR FUCKING GLASSES BACK ON. GOD DAMN IT.
23399	GC: honk.
23400	CG: AAAAUUUUUUGH OHFUCK OHFUCK OHFUCK OHFUCK OHFUCK OHFUCK OHFUCK
23401	carcinoGeneticist [CG] blocked gallowsCalibrator [GC]
23402	You wish he would wake up. You could really use someone with awesome powers right now, being awake and not useless.
23403	Oh god, are those his teeth on the floor?
23404	There. Good as new, best friend! It's like it never happened. No one can ever blame you for dropping him down the stairs now. Stairs? What stairs! Ha ha ha!
23405	You were hoping it wouldn't have to come to this. But you're running out of options. You need backup.
23406	STRONG backup.
23407	CG: EQUIUS, ARE YOU THERE?
23408	CT: D --> Yes
23409	CG: OK, GOOD
23410	CG: ARE YOU STILL REALLY STRONG?
23411	CG: LIKE, IS THAT STILL YOUR THING?
23412	CT: D --> I am still e%ceptionally STRONG
23413	CT: D --> Strength continues to be my STRONGEST attribute
23414	CG: OK GOOD.
23415	CG: I GUESS THAT WAS A PRETTY DUMB QUESTION.
23416	CG: I NEED YOUR HELP.
23417	CT: D --> With what
23418	CG: GAMZEE IS ON A RAMPAGE
23419	CG: HE'S GOING TO KILL US ALL IF WE DON'T STOP HIM.
23420	CT: D --> You mean
23421	CT: D --> The highb100d
23422	CG: WHAT?
23423	CG: YEAH, I GUESS
23424	CT: D --> Oh dear
23425	CG: WHAT
23426	CT: D --> Are you saying the highb100d has finally embraced his position atop the hierarchy
23427	CG: NO I'M SAYING HE FUCKING SNAPPED AND WANTS TO MURDER US ALL
23428	CT: D --> Yes e%actly
23429	CG: DAMMIT, WHY DOES THIS CONVERSATION HAVE TO BE SO PREDICTABLY TERRIBLE
23430	CG: ALL I'M ASKING YOU TO DO
23431	CG: NO, ORDERING YOU TO DO
23432	CG: IS GO FIND GAMZEE AND BEAT HIM TO DEATH WITH YOUR BARE HANDS, OR POSSIBLY TWO HALVES OF A BROKEN BOW, BEFORE HE KILLS ANYONE ELSE.
23433	CT: D --> I certainly appreciate the debauchery inherent in receiving an order of such gravity from a rogue-b100ded foulmouth
23434	CT: D --> But
23435	CT: D --> I'm not entirely positive I can raise a hand to the highb100d
23436	CT: D --> It wouldn't be my place
23437	CG: OH MY GOD
23438	CG: WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO DIFFICULT IN ALL THE MOST FUCKED UP WAYS POSSIBLE?
23439	CG: YOU'RE GETTING OFF ON THIS AREN'T YOU
23440	CT: D --> Uh
23441	CG: IF YOU ASK ME FOR A TOWEL I AM GOING TO FLIP MY SHIT RIGHT OFF THIS FUCKING METEOR
23442	CG: IT WILL JUST BE ME, SPINNING AND SPINNING AND SPINNING INTO ENDLESS NOTHING, SCREAMING
23443	CT: D --> No, I have a sufficient supply of drying utilities
23444	CG: I FORBID YOU FROM GETTING OFF ON ANY OF THIS
23445	CG: DON'T GET OFF ON MY ORDERS, DON'T GET OFF ON PHRASES LIKE FUCK FUCK FUCKETY FUCK, AND DON'T GET OFF ON ANY SORT OF WEIRD ADMIRATION YOU MIGHT BE HARBORING FOR A MURDEROUS CLOWN WITH PURPLE BLOOD
23446	CT: D --> The b100d
23447	CT: D --> It is just so
23448	CT: D --> E%quisitely purple
23449	CG: ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?
23450	CT: D --> Yes
23451	CT: D --> But 100k
23452	CT: D --> The situation is very delicate I believe
23453	CT: D --> The highb100d would benefit from a proper enculturation into the aristocracy
23454	CG: I DON'T THINK HE GIVES A SHIT ABOUT YOUR ETIQUETTE LESSONS, OR HOW A TRUE GENTLEMAN IS TO GO ABOUT HANDLING A PROPER FUCKING HORSE TEAT
23455	CG: SERIOUSLY, PEOPLE ARE IN DANGER HERE.
23456	CT: D --> I'll take measures to ensure our comrades aren't injured
23457	CG: OK, AND?
23458	CT: D --> Well
23459	CG: BUT YOU WON'T FIGHT HIM, IS THAT IT
23460	CT: D --> If it comes to close quarters skirmish, I will try to be prepared
23461	CG: HOW FUCKING REASSURING!
23462	CG: YOU ARE SUCH AN IDIOT, I DON'T GET IT
23463	CG: YOU KISS THE GROUND THIS LUNATIC WALKS ON BECAUSE HE HAS PURPLE BLOOD
23464	CG: BUT THAT DOESN'T STOP YOU FROM RIPPING ON ERIDAN, I KNOW FOR A FACT YOU DON'T LIKE HIM
23465	CG: AND HIS BLOOD IS EVEN PURPLIER, ISN'T IT?
23466	CT: D --> Yes
23467	CT: D --> That's different
23468	CT: D --> He is a sea dweller
23469	CT: D --> Our feud is codified in tradition
23470	CT: D --> Neigh, we are obligated to be at odds
23471	CT: D --> It's dignified
23472	CG: OK FINE, THEN SPEAKING OF WHICH
23473	CG: HE'S ON A MURDEROUS RAMPAGE TOO
23474	CT: D --> He is
23475	CT: D --> How many of us are rampaging murderously, e%actly
23476	CG: I DON'T KNOW, AT LEAST THREE PROBABLY, BUT WHO EVEN KNOWS AT THIS POINT
23477	CG: THE POINT IS, IF YOU SEE HIM, WOULD YOU MIND SNAPPING HIS STUPID WAND IN HALF OR SOMETHING?
23478	CG: AND THEN CHOKE HIM TO DEATH WITH HIS OWN SHITTY PRETENTIOUS SCARF.
23479	CT: D --> Do I really have to
23480	CG: GOD, WHAT IS THE PROBLEM NOW?
23481	CT: D --> I'd prefer not to interact with him
23482	CG: WHY
23483	CT: D --> It's primarily that his advances make me uncomfortable
23484	CG: HAHAHAHAHAHA.
23485	CG: I WOULD HIGH FIVE YOU IF IT WOULDN'T SHATTER EVERY BONE IN MY HAND.
23486	CG: AND IF YOU DIDN'T SMELL TERRIBLE.
23487	CG: BUT SERIOUSLY, IF YOU COULD CARRY OUT MY ORDERS IN THE LEAST PERVERSE WAY POSSIBLE, THAT WOULD BE GREAT.
23488	CG: JUST KILL ONE OR MORE OF THOSE ASSHOLES AND GET BACK TO ME, OK?
23489	CG: I NEED YOU TO COME THROUGH FOR ME, BECAUSE WE'RE RUNNING OUT OF MANPOWER HERE.
23490	CT: D --> We are
23491	CG: YES DIDN'T I MENTION? FEFERI, KANAYA AND TAVROS ARE DEAD, SOLLUX IS UNCONSCIOUS, AND TEREZI IS MISSING.
23492	CG: OH GOD, I HOPE SHE'S OK, I SHOULD PROBABLY GO LOOK FOR HER
23493	CT: D --> Oh shoot
23494	CT: D --> E%cuse my vulgarity
23495	CG: I'LL LET IT SLIDE.
23496	CG: JUST DO WHAT I SAY, OK.
23497	CT: D --> I will 100k into it
23498	You foolishly misplaced your glasses during your heroic revival attempt, leaving you with no way of communicating with the others to warn them. This is why you really should carry no less than 5 computers on you at all times, like a sensible person.
23499	But there is no one in here. Just someone taking a nap on the horn pile over there.
23500	And a big puddle of something next to the transportalizer. Grub sauce maybe? You hope it's grub sauce. Please be grub sauce.
23501	Someone either had a MAJOR sauce accident earlier, or this is the scene of yet another REAL LIFE MURDER! Your team is so lucky to have you around to sleuth these heinous crimes.
23502	And yet, the body is missing. Can't conduct much forensic analysis without it. This is EXACTLY why you should never turn your back on a body, not even for a second.
23503	This was no nap. This was...
23504	ANOTHER MURDER.
23505	What is going on in this lab???
23506	Another textbook impaling. Your perp has been busy tonight.
23507	Wait... there appears to be a pair of smaller marks on the victim's neck.
23508	Hmm...
23509	Has the killer really developed a taste for blood? She is completely out of control.
23510	According to your expert analysis, she barged in here with a lance, her new weapon of choice. This startled everyone in the room so much, it triggered a dreadful grub sauce spill, and/or chainsaw accident, causing the missing victim to lose a large volume of blood, and/or grub sauce. Horrified by the sight, everyone fled the room, except for the present victim who was napping on the horn pile. The perpetrator in her deranged state of mind then sampled the spilt green blood/sauce from the floor. Her thirst piqued, she became tempted by the buffet of rich royal blood on the horn pile, dragged a trail of green from the puddle to the horns, and helped herself to the victim's neck. The victim undoubtedly woke up midway through the gruesome feast, fought back, and got a lance through the chest for her trouble. The perp then fled into the lab, thirsty for more.
23511	Yes, you are quite sure that...
23512	That...
23513	That your theory doesn't make a lick of sense!!! You wish you had your crack team of experts to advise you. If only you hadn't kicked them all into the bottomless pit, along with probably your glasses, accidentally. Damn their insubordination!
23514	You cannot go off looking for the highb100d just yet. You must make sure Nepeta is somewhere safe.
23515	You can't go up there! Equius told you to go hide through that gait! You mean gate. ARGH YOU MEAN DOOR.";
23516	Equius has blocked the door from the other side with something incredibly heavy! DAMN HIM AND HIS STRONGNESS.
23517	You got a FRESH TOWEL!
23518	You got a HEAP OF FRESH TOWELS!
23519	You got EMERGENCY BACKUP ABSORBENCY UNIT!
23520	You got a SHATTERED BUST OF AN INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE SWEATY HUMAN MALE ACTOR. You have told Nepeta not to scoot through the air ducts and steal the cherished belongings of others. But does she listen? Of course not.
23521	You got an ENCHANTED SHITTY WIZARD FIGURINE! It's.. A miracle.
23522	You got AHAB'S CROSSHAIRS! Perfect! This is exactly the kind of firepower you could use if you 're going up against... You just broke it.
23523	Arrows? Fired true, straight through the eyes... Who could have done this?
23524	Looks like someone 's being PRETTY SLOPPY with their grub sauce. At least, you hope that 's grub sauce...
23525	Someone has chopped this thing right in half! Maybe whoever is traversing through these corridors does not want to be followed? You can certainly respect such sneaky tactics.
23526	It doesn 't work! Someone must have disabled the transportalizer on the other side.
23527	This is, um... a ship in progress! Human romance sure is weird.
23528	You will have to remember to write Jade a nice thank you note for helping to stabilize Karkat 's unhealthy relationship with his past and future selves. Maybe now with a clear head he will be able to open his eyes to what waits for him in other quadrants. Certain other PAWSIBILITIES. Maybe noticing someone nice over there in that bright red corner, who has been there all along. ;33
23529	Yes! This matchup was always just so purrrrrfect to you. Why can 't anyone else see it? WHY CAN 'T THEY SEE??? It 's hard being a shipper. It 's hard, and no one understands.
23530	You suppose this pairing is still viable. Although the roles will have to be dramatically reversed!
23531	You just don 't have the heart to update the wall to reflect the recent deaths of your friends. As a veteran shipper, you have grown accustomed to watching your ships get sunk. But not like this. :((
23532	Alternian paint sets are manufactured with the pigment from the blood of culled wigglers. Which... is pretty pawful, when you think about it!
23533	bat bat bat, pounce pounce pounce. :33
23534	Just looking at this pile is making you sleepy. And emotional. No one can ever accuse you of not being prepurred to sweeten a warm beverage!
23535	Purrl grey. This has been steeping for way too long, so it is undoubtedly very STRONG. Just the way Equius likes it.
23536	Cameowmile. It smells so good.
23537	Legends tell of musclebeasts once roaming the cosmos that were so enormous, they could destroy entire planets with but a twitch of any anatomical feature. Are the legends true? You hope so.
23538	This piece is simply called "Edward". It is so beautiful.
23539	A gratifying heap of soundly thrashed roboti%. Standing near this pile stirs powerful emotions. The closer you stand to piles of stuff, the more freely the feelings flow. It is a law of reality.
23540	Archery is SO HARD when you 're THIS STRONG.
23541	ventFinalGrate
23542	Pucefoot? Berrybreath?? DOCTOR HONEYTONGUE??? WHAT MONSTER COULD DO THIS
23543	You suppose you should stay put like Equius said. But its so furstrating being all cooped up in here! Surely scooting through the air ducts for a while couldn 't hurt. He will never know!
23544	Oh no!!! No one must ever see. NO ONE MUST EVER S333333333333333333! Some day you will work up the guts to say something. Maybe once this huge murder fiasco blows over!
23545	This is no time to retire. Gotta go after the clown.
23546	You suppose you should stay put like Equius said. But its so furstrating being all cooped up in here! Surely scooting through the air ducts for a while couldn't hurt. He will never know!
23547	lap lap lap lap lap :33
23548	NEPETA: :33 < *a furrocious and concerned moirail suddenly appurrches out of some wild shrubberies!!!*
23549	EQUIUS: D --> I regard the furrocious moirail stoically
23550	EQUIUS: D --> I mean
23551	EQUIUS: D --> I greet Ms. Leijon without issuing a statement of a%ion in the first person
23552	NEPETA: :33 < *ms leijon pawnders over whether mr zahhak is still feeling blue over his depurrted robo sw33heart and n33ds more ch33ring up*
23553	EQUIUS: D --> Mr Zahhak, I mean I, will probably be feeling b100 about that for some time, yes
23554	EQUIUS: D --> But he is, darn it, I am, e%ceptionally STRONG and will cope with it admirably
23555	EQUIUS: D --> Even though
23556	EQUIUS: D --> She didn 't even say goodbye for some reason
23557	NEPETA: :33 < aww :((
23558	NEPETA: :33 < we can always curl up in the pile again to talk about f33lings :33" "EQUIUS: D --> Nepeta, for goodness sa%es, a man can only di%uss feelings for so much time
23559	EQUIUS: D --> How long have we already spent in the roboti% pile
23560	NEPETA: :33 < ummmmmmmmmmm
23561	EQUIUS: D --> I believe it was at least an hour
23562	EQUIUS: D --> We e%amined my emotional state until we were both bl00 in the face
23563	NEPETA: :33 < h33h33h33h33!
23564	EQUIUS: D --> What
23565	NEPETA: :33 < b100 b100 b100 b100 b100
23566	NEPETA: :33 < i just love how you say that word!
23567	EQUIUS: D --> I know
23568	EQUIUS: D --> Nepeta, I think it would behoove us to address the e%treme danger in a serious manner
23569	NEPETA: :33 < you mean about gamz33? h33h33!
23570	NEPETA: :33 < im still not sure if i can believe it!
23571	EQUIUS: D --> That 's because you still refuse to 100k upon our b100dlines as the deciding behoovioral factors they are
23572	NEPETA: :33 < behoovioral? :??
23573	EQUIUS: D --> Behavioral
23574	EQUIUS: D --> Sorry, my heart is galloping and I canter nunciate properly
23575	EQUIUS: D --> The horst case scenario is upon us
23576	NEPETA: :33 < *snort* X33
23577	EQUIUS: D --> His is the richest and most noble b100d possible among the high land dwellers
23578	EQUIUS: D --> As such, he is prone to being more violent and unpredictable than any of us
23579	EQUIUS: D --> Not everyone has been as lucky as I in the domain of moirallegiance
23580	EQUIUS: D --> I udder to think what I might be without you, Nepeta
23581	NEPETA: :33 < udder?
23582	EQUIUS: D --> Shudder
23583	NEPETA: :33 < oh! thats so sw33t equius, you know i will always be ready to tacklepounce you when you start getting especially furrious :33
23584	EQUIUS: D --> Yes, which is among the reasons why I must make your prote%ion a high priority
23585	EQUIUS: D --> The highb100d has joined a stable of those who are becoming increasingly volatile and murderous as we remain stranded in this laboratory
23586	EQUIUS: D --> I command you to steer clear of them, do you understand" "NEPETA: :33 < h33, did you mean st33r in the livestock sense?
23587	EQUIUS: D --> Yes
23588	NEPETA: :33 < well, if youre refurring to vwiskers, i was already plenty scared of her!
23589	NEPETA: :33 < and if you are talking about mr ampurra, he has always given me the cr33ps anyway! so there is nothing to fret over
23590	EQUIUS: D --> E%cellent
23591	EQUIUS: D --> I would still prefur you hide, I mean prefer
23592	NEPETA: :33 < hide? where? :oo
23593	EQUIUS: D --> Behind that gait
23594	NEPETA: :33 < gait? you mean gate? what gate??
23595	NEPETA: :33 < what are you STALKING about!!!
23596	EQUIUS: D --> I mean that door over there, you goshdarned sillyface
23597	NEPETA: :33 < oh!
23598	NEPETA: :33 < kay! :33 <33
23599	EQUIUS: D --> I will now seek the highb100d, Nepeta
23600	EQUIUS: D --> I command you to go hide, as we di%ussed
23601	NEPETA: :33 < sure!
23602	NEPETA: :33 < but there are lots of nuts on the loose out there, so dont stick your neck out and take any big frisks!
23603	EQUIUS: D --> I will e%act caution, even when safety 100% to be 100% assured
23604	EQUIUS: D --> Even so
23605	EQUIUS: D --> I would still like to take the opportunity to say
23606	NEPETA: :33 < what?
23607	EQUIUS: D --> Goodbye
23608	NEPETA: :33 < ...
23609	NEPETA: :33 < well ok, goodbye!
23610	NEPETA: :33 < but you had better believe i will s33 you again soon, equius!
23611	EQUIUS: D --> Yes, you will
23612	NEPETA: :33 < *nepeta sh33pishly looks at her shoe with a question on her purrsed lips*
23613	EQUIUS: D --> For pete 's goodfornothing di%ie whistling SA%ES, Nepeta
23614	EQUIUS: D --> I am through talking about feelings, now go hide like I commanded
23615	NEPETA: :33 < but so many of our friends have died, and it just makes me so sad to think about!
23616	NEPETA: :33 < i dont think we have even scratched the surface of our f33lings yet, and our f33lings in this case are a very tall and inviting carpeted post to sink our claws into!
23617	EQUIUS: D --> I do not hoove claws
23618	EQUIUS: D --> I mean have claws
23619	NEPETA: :33 < i KNOW, i was speaking metafurrikitty :33
23620	EQUIUS: D --> *Mr. Zahhak rolls his eyes, which remain concealed and a100f as ever*
23621	NEPETA: :33 < besides, i know for a FACT that you are still f33ling b100 (h33h33) from losing aradia
23622	EQUIUS: D --> I suppose
23623	NEPETA: :33 < i did not mention, but i think i should...
23624	NEPETA: :33 < it may purrk you up to know that i had a dream about her during my last catnap!
23625	EQUIUS: D --> You did
23626	NEPETA: :33 < yes, she had these purrty wings and a splendid hood, i think she might have b33n cosplaying much like friska has b33n!
23627	EQUIUS: D --> Uh huh
23628	NEPETA: :33 < she was so happy, just like she used to be, and she said she would s33 you soon!
23629	EQUIUS: D --> That 's a nice thought, and thank you for sharing it
23630	EQUIUS: D --> But it was only a dream, and will surely have no consequence in reality
23631	NEPETA: :33 < equius?
23632	NEPETA: :33 < are those f33lings i an detecting with my wiggly whiskery nose?" "EQUIUS: D --> Maybe
23633	NEPETA: :33 < then we must take this to the pile, scratching-posthaste!!! ;33
23634	EQUIUS: D --> Okay, just for a while though
23635	You then proceed to have the most poignant and heartfelt feelings jam in the history of paradox space, or piles of things.
23636	EQUIUS: D --> :33 < *I, a mu%ular man who is clearly a feline-obsessed female at the moment, do something suitably cat-like in accordance with the nature of this juvenile theatrical amusement*
23637	NEPETA: :33 < D --> *STRONG EQUIUS NO LIKE HISS-POOR ATTEMPT AT ROLEPLAY, ALSO DISAPPROVES OF MISSED OPPURRTUNITY TO SPELL AMUSEMENT AS AMEWSMENT*
23638	EQUIUS: D --> That 's not how I talk
23639	NEPETA: :33 < D --> *EQUIUS COMMAND STRONG MEOWSCULAR CAT GIRL TO GET INTO ROLE BETTER* B33
23640	EQUIUS: D --> Oh good grief
23641	NEPETA: :33 < D --> *HE COMMANDS IT!!!!!!!!!*
23642	EQUIUS: D --> Fine
23643	EQUIUS: D --> :33 < *I, again as a lithe clawed female wearing a preposterous hood, I mean prepawsterous, strike a supine posture on the floor, darn it, pawsture*
23644	EQUIUS: D --> :33 < *The e%posed belly commands to be scratched*
23645	EQUIUS: D --> :33 < *It commands it, do as it says*
23646	NEPETA: :33 < D --> *RAWR, HULKING BRUTE NO OBEY COMMAND, TOO STRONG FOR TOUCHY CUDDLY STUFF PURR USUAL!* BPP
23647	EQUIUS: D --> :33 < *The scruffy haired, saucer eyed smart alec takes issue with the tone of the girl currently posing as said hulking brute*
23648	EQUIUS: D --> :33 < *She/he wonders if he/she appurreciates that the pawerful nobleman currently meow%querading as her/him would be more than happy to accommeowdate said cuddly stuff, outrageous STRONGNESS purrmitting*
23649	NEPETA: :33 < :\\\\
23650	NEPETA: :33 < equius, dammit! why do you always have to make this so cerebral!
23651	EQUIUS: D --> Language
23652	NEPETA: :33 < sorry :((
23653	EQUIUS: D --> What am I doing wrong
23654	NEPETA: :33 < well you dont always have to announce who you are purrtending to be in every line! and you dont always have to point out that its just purrtend!
23655	NEPETA: :33 < in fact, that is sort of an RPing no no
23656	EQUIUS: D --> How would you recommend I approach the absurdist charade, then
23657	NEPETA: :33 < oh i dunno, just by having fun and having a sense of humor about it and such! and not sneaking in sneaky sneakret little barbs of disdain for the exercise, i am not dumb you know, i catch those like scared little scurrying rodents!
23658	EQUIUS: D --> I was having fun
23659	EQUIUS: D --> The line about the belly scratching was e%ceptionally playful, and I am to be commended
23660	EQUIUS: D --> You will commend me, I command it
23661	NEPETA: :33 < yes yes, ok youre right. that was really great!
23662	NEPETA: :33 < do more of that. ok ready? go!
23663	EQUIUS: D --> I think I 'm out of material though
23664	EQUIUS: D --> I don 't actually know that much about cats
23665	NEPETA: :33 < errrrrrg! fiiiine, we can stop
23666	NEPETA: :33 < here, take your gross stinky glasses back, SWEATQUIUS
23667	EQUIUS: D --> Very well, here is your hood
23668	NEPETA: :33 < umm
23669	NEPETA: :33 < yeah
23670	NEPETA: :33 < why dont
23671	NEPETA: :33 < you hang on to that
23672	NEPETA: :33 < forever!
23673	NEPETA: :33 < it is my purrsent to you
23674	EQUIUS: D --> I
23675	EQUIUS: D --> I can 't tell you how touching I find this gesture, Nepeta
23676	EQUIUS: D --> Thank you, from the very bottom of my ludi%ly powerful cardiova%ular system
23677	NEPETA: :33 < dont mention it! <33
23678	This is completely terrifying.
23679	This is why seat belt safety should always be paramount.
23680	Remember to buckle up!
23681	Perhaps this is the one?
23682	As you approach, you make an attempt to contact your friends for verification. But there is no answer from Jade, or from Rose. You wonder what they could be up to?
23683	It seems someone else is bugging you.
23684	AG: Hi John.
23685	EB: oh, hey there, vriska.
23686	EB: can this wait? i was about to check out this castle and see if my dad is here.
23687	AG: Your guardians are not here!
23688	EB: oh...
23689	EB: dang it!
23690	EB: do you know where they are?
23691	AG: Yes, they are in another castle. Don't worry, you'll find them later.
23692	EB: argh, how much later??
23693	AG: In a while! Man, settle down.
23694	AG: I am telling you that you will find them after a little more questing around in your awesome 8lue godhood. So why don't you relax and talk to me for a while?
23695	EB: well...
23696	EB: ok, i guess so.
23697	AG: Why don't you have your hood up, 8y the way?
23698	EB: shrug.
23699	AG: You look gr8 with the hood up. And anyway, we should 8e showing a little pride as the only ones to make god tier, don't you think?
23700	EB: pshhh.
23701	EB: i don't know if it is much of a major accomplishment, honestly.
23702	AG: John, are you mad at me?
23703	EB: um... no?
23704	AG: Then what's the matter?
23705	EB: i guess i just miss my dad. i was hoping he would be here, but apparently i won't see him for another few hours or whatever?
23706	EB: if that is what you see in the future, then i guess there's no fighting it. bluh.
23707	AG: I still find it a little hard to understand the sentimentality you attach to these adult humans.
23708	AG: It just seems so strange to me. 8ut hey, that's alien culture for you.
23709	EB: yeah, i know.
23710	EB: i guess you just have to think of them the way you think of your lusus..ses? lusi?
23711	AG: Yeah, sort of.
23712	AG: Except I never liked mine that much. ::::\
23713	AG: Even after I prototyped her, things were pretty chilly 8etween us! I spent most of my adventure avoiding her. Haha.
23714	EB: that...
23715	EB: is too bad.
23716	AG: John.
23717	AG: Are you suuuuuuuure you're not mad at me?
23718	EB: no!!!
23719	EB: why would i be mad at you, vriska?
23720	AG: 8ecause I tricked you into getting killed!!!!!!!!
23721	EB: oh. right.
23722	EB: i... actually almost forgot about that!
23723	AG: Would it help if I said I was sorry?
23724	EB: why would you need to apologize though?
23725	EB: i mean, i admit i was pretty confused about it at first, seeing my dead body in the cloud and all...
23726	EB: but in the end, you did it to help me, didn't you?
23727	EB: really, i should probably be thanking you!
23728	EB: uh...
23729	EB: are you there?
23730	AG: Yes, I am here.
23731	AG: Sorry, I wasn't sure what to say for a moment.
23732	AG: I am just so incredi8ly relieved you are not angry with me.
23733	EB: heh. i really don't know what reason i would have to be angry!
23734	EB: i mean, aside from the deception involved, but i kinda understand why you did that.
23735	EB: and in any case, you did give me a choice.
23736	AG: Yes, I did.
23737	AG: I don't know, John. You'd 8e surprised how often people resent it when you try to help them!
23738	AG: 8ut see, you really get it. That's why you're special.
23739	EB: shruuuuuuuug!
23740	AG: <33333333
23741	EB: so...
23742	EB: is that what you wanted to talk to me about?
23743	AG: Yes.
23744	AG: Well.
23745	AG: Not exactly.
23746	EB: then what is it?
23747	AG: I know how this is pro8a8ly going to sound, especially to a human.
23748	AG: 8ut I just killed someone.
23749	EB: you did?
23750	EB: who was it? you mean like, a bad guy?
23751	AG: Not exactly.
23752	EB: oh yeah, karkat mentioned that he was in trouble, and then had to go.
23753	EB: it made me a little worried! are you guys under attack or something?
23754	AG: I'm not sure what his deal is. I haven't seen him in a while.
23755	AG: 8ut we are not under attack.
23756	AG: Not yet, at least.
23757	EB: oh.
23758	EB: well, then...
23759	EB: who did you kill?
23760	AG: He was a friend.
23761	AG: Someone from our team.
23762	EB: why?
23763	AG: It's a little complicated.
23764	EB: well, did he attack you or something?
23765	AG: Yes.
23766	AG: 8ut really, that's not why I killed him. He was no match for me, and I could have just incapacit8ed him or flown away or whatever.
23767	AG: The truth is I killed him 8ecause at the time, I thought I wanted to, and sort of felt like I finally had to.
23768	EB: uh...
23769	EB: why did you have to?
23770	AG: 8ecause enough was enough! You don't even know how frustr8ing it was to 8e friends with him.
23771	AG: I used to really like him and always wanted to help him get stronger, so that he might stand a fucking chance to actually make it on our world.
23772	AG: 8ut he was just soooooooo weak and indecisive. He wouldn't change!
23773	AG: And when he tried to change, it was too little and too l8. Always l8. L8ey L8ey L88888888.
23774	AG: Too l8 to kiss me.
23775	AG: Too l8 to kill me.
23776	AG: He couldn't do it when I really needed him to. So when I saw he was actually serious a8out trying to kill me now of all times...
23777	AG: I just got SO AAAAAAAANGRY. I am still a 8it upset thinking a8out it.
23778	AG: So I killed him.
23779	AG: And I'm pretty sure he's dead for good now.
23780	EB: wow.
23781	EB: you're right, vriska. that does not sound good.
23782	AG: I know!
23783	AG: I know our races are completely different. And I really h8 the idea of you thinking worse of me 8ecause of this.
23784	AG: 8ut I don't have anyone else to talk to a8out it!
23785	EB: you don't?
23786	EB: what about all of your friends?
23787	EB: i bet karkat would listen.
23788	EB: or what about terezi? she's pretty nice, isn't she?
23789	AG: No no no no no no no no!
23790	AG: I mean, yeah, they're fine. 8ut I can't talk to them!
23791	EB: why not?
23792	AG: For one thing, they would pro8a8ly just 8e pissed off at me for killing Tavros.
23793	AG: And more importantly, there's no waaaaaaaay I could tell them how I really feel a8out it.
23794	EB: well, how do you feel?
23795	AG: Horri8le!!!!!!!!
23796	AG: If any of my friends knew that, they would think I'm weak.
23797	EB: oh...
23798	EB: i guess i understand. i mean, i'm trying to, with the cultural difference and all.
23799	AG: Do you?
23800	EB: like, trolls are more violent and angry, right? kind of like klingons or something, which is an angry race of alien savages from a human tv show.
23801	AG: We aren't savages, you dope!
23802	EB: oh, i know, that's not what i meant! but i am guessing you all have to act tough to make it in your world, and have a sense of honor about fighting, and like to beat people up and stuff, right?
23803	AG: Uh, yeah........
23804	AG: Let's say close enough!
23805	EB: but i think that no matter what alien culture you are from, killing is still wrong!
23806	EB: and it sounds like you do too.
23807	AG: Yeah, see.
23808	AG: This is where our cultures clash, I think.
23809	AG: It would 8e difficult to explain exactly how killing is viewed on our planet with all the nuance involved.
23810	AG: It just isn't the 8lack and white thing humans seem to think it is!
23811	EB: well, you could try. i am listening.
23812	AG: On my world, I would 8e completely vindic8ed for killing him! He is far lower on the hemospectrum than me. He managed to disrespect me time and time again, 8ut I kept letting him live! In fact, the amount of slack I cut him would 8e considered scandalous 8y those in my class.
23813	AG: I had every reason to kill him. And yet...
23814	AG: I feel 8ad a8out it like a lame weak fudge8lood, just like he was.
23815	AG: And the fact that I feel 8ad is why I'm sort of freaking out right now!
23816	EB: i think if you feel bad, it just means you have a conscience. which is good, right?
23817	AG: No. That's not how it works.
23818	AG: I'm supposed to 8e just fine with it.
23819	AG: This was sort of like a test, and I'm afraid I might 8e failing.
23820	EB: how was it like a test?
23821	AG: Well, it was the first time I killed some8ody.
23822	EB: ok.
23823	AG: W8! Ok, that's not really true. What I meant was, it was the first time I killed some8ody I cared a8out.
23824	EB: so...
23825	EB: you killed other people, that you didn't care about?
23826	AG: Yes. Sort of a lot, actually. 8ut there was a really good reason for that!
23827	EB: hm. how many?
23828	EB: or... do i want to know...
23829	AG: Oh, it doesn't matter. Pro8a8ly many thousands.
23830	EB: uhhhhhhhh.
23831	EB: hopy shit...
23832	AG: God, I know how this sounds! 8ut I had to feed her. My lusus I mean. I've 8asically 8een playing this role as a slave in the food chain my whole life. It is what she selected me to do.
23833	EB: i guess that is why you didn't get along with her?
23834	AG: Hell yes.
23835	EB: i see.
23836	EB: still, that is a LOT of killing. jesus...
23837	AG: Yeah, 8ut I never felt anything a8out it. It was just normal life for me.
23838	EB: but then you finally killed a guy you liked, and...
23839	EB: not so cool anymore?
23840	AG: Yeah. OH!
23841	AG: Ok, that's not quite right. He's the second person I cared a8out who I killed.
23842	AG: Man, I always forget a8out her!
23843	EB: uh.
23844	AG: I guess she wound up getting me 8ack pretty good though, so we're even.
23845	AG: Oh, also, TECHNICALLY I attempted to kill that same guy around the same time.
23846	AG: 8ut I just wound up paralyzing him! Oops, hahahaha.
23847	EB: ...
23848	AG: 8ut man. That was sweeps ago.
23849	AG: I think I had a really juvenile attitude a8out killing 8ack then. I think I was trying too hard?
23850	AG: I was always really o8sessed with 8eing the 8est at stuff, and I guess I was trying to 8e precocious in that respect as well, and prove to everyone how 8rutal I could be.
23851	AG: 8ut I was such a confused kid! I didn't know anything a8out what killing really means. I was trying to fake it, and it caused me nothing 8ut pro8lems.
23852	EB: i guess i had no idea how different we really were.
23853	EB: what i am hearing is seriously scaring the shit out of me!
23854	AG: Yeah, I know. I wish we didn't have to 8e so different. I'm just trying to 8e honest with you, 8ecause like I said, I have nowhere else to go.
23855	EB: ok, well i appreciate the honesty.
23856	EB: so... if killing isn't exactly wrong, then what is it?
23857	EB: what do you mean by "what killing really means"?
23858	AG: I guess I have to admit I don't actually know that much a8out humans either!
23859	AG: Other than that you are all pretty soft and mild mannered and seem to 8e friendlier, and think killing totally sucks.
23860	AG: I really have no clue what it means to grow up as a human, though.
23861	AG: 8ut I do know what it means grow up as a troll, and what's expected of us.
23862	EB: what does it mean?
23863	AG: When a troll comes of age, you 8etter 8elieve it means they're going to start killing.
23864	AG: It's what we do as a race. We are very effective conquerors, and as such, we practically domin8 our galaxy. Or... used to.
23865	AG: The ones that don't learn to 8e ruthless? They're 8etter off DEAD.
23866	AG: And the reality is, it won't 8e long until they are. That's just life for us.
23867	EB: that sounds terrible!
23868	EB: i would like to be culturally sensitive, but i wish it didn't have to be like that for you.
23869	EB: i have started to really like you guys!
23870	AG: Well, thanks John. That's nice of you to say. 8ut let's face it, it doesn't fucking matter anymore, since our whole race was wiped out!
23871	AG: May8e for the 8est, when you think a8out it.
23872	EB: :(
23873	AG: 8ut at least paradox space gave us some purpose 8efore wiping us out, right?
23874	AG: At least we got the chance to cre8te you guys, and all those twinkly stars you used to look up at.
23875	EB: yeah, that's true.
23876	AG: So 8ecause we got that chance, it means we'll never actually get to come of age and enter troll society, and see if we got what it takes.
23877	AG: 8ut that doesn't mean we stop growing up!
23878	AG: I think the game knows it's always gonna 8e played 8y kids, and it always rigs it so they enter right around the cusp of sexual maturity, whatever the race is.
23879	AG: Which kinda makes sense, since if they succeed, they've got their whole lives ahead of them to do whatever the hell they're going to do in their universe, like start repopul8ing and whatnot.
23880	AG: That means the game also knows it's got to deal with all these damn kids who are coming of age while playing it!
23881	AG: I really think how successfully they mature is tied to success in the game. It challenges the players in all the ways they need to 8e challenged to grow, which is different for every individual, and veeeeeeeery different for every race.
23882	AG: I don't think we were so hot at that aspect of the game. In fact, I'm sure we were quite awful. Hell, even I wasn't that gr8 at it! I actually just kinda fell ass 8ackwards into the god tier, to 8e honest.
23883	EB: hehe... yeah me too. :)
23884	AG: 8ut what really gets me is this didn't even occur to me until just now, while I was sitting around thinking a8out it.
23885	AG: It was so o8vious!
23886	EB: what?
23887	AG: That was why the game split us up into two teams.
23888	AG: It knew as we came of age, we'd pro8a8ly start killing each other.
23889	AG: So it just provided the stage. Red team vs. 8lue. It was so simple! All we had to do was what we were naturally inclined to. It might have worked out 8etter for us.
23890	EB: uh...
23891	EB: i don't really see how you guys killing each other would help you play the game better!
23892	AG: Yeah, you'd think that would 8e counter productive! 8ut then again, may8e not.
23893	AG: If we really did take the team thing seriously, and started killing each other, may8e it would have meant more god tiers?
23894	AG: May8e all of us would have made it????????
23895	AG: Damn, can you imagine? We would have 8reezed through the game even faster, killed the king without a sweat. May8e claimed the reward 8efore Jack even showed up?
23896	AG: Or if he did, may8e we could have 8eaten him then and there instead of scurrying off like cowards!!!!!!!!
23897	AG: In retrospect we failed at this so spectacularly, I am amazed, and kind of ashamed.
23898	AG: It turned out that the only one of us with the guts to kill someone was already DEAD! Hahahahahahahaha. And 8oy, did I have it coming.
23899	EB: dead?
23900	AG: Yes, she was a ghost, and then 8ecame a ro8ot. Then she 8ecame a THOUSAND ro8ots. Then Jack killed them all 8ut one. Then she 8lew up.
23901	AG: Oh, and she also had that exact 8izarre laptop you are using right now. How weird is that?
23902	EB: gosh...
23903	EB: your team is so crazy!
23904	AG: Not crazy enough, apparently!
23905	AG: Actually, this is pro8a8ly Karkat's fault.
23906	EB: how?
23907	AG: When it comes down to it, he was pro8a8ly too good a leader! He actually did manage to get the two teams to work together toward the same goal. It could have easily deterior8ed into a feud otherwise.
23908	AG: He was just so loud and annoying and o8sessed with leadership. He wouldn't shut up! So it was just easier to go along with his plans.
23909	EB: huh...
23910	EB: yeah, i can see how that could be true.
23911	AG: He sure kept us working together, 8ut in the end I think we paid for it.
23912	AG: It wasn't natural! Pretty fitting, really, since he's kind of a freak himself. He's not even on the hemospectrum, the weirdo.
23913	AG: I really dou8t he would have handled it as a leader if the shit ever hit the whirling device.
23914	AG: He likes to pretend he's all vicious and 8loodthirsty, 8ut I know he 8n't got that in him. I have a sense for these things.
23915	AG: He'd 8e so pissed if he heard me say this, 8ut I think he'd cut it 8etter as a human than as a troll.
23916	EB: you probably mean that as an insult, but i think it is a nice compliment!
23917	EB: but...
23918	EB: i won't tell him you said it, heheheh.
23919	GC: K4RK4T, MOR3 B4D N3WS
23920	carcinoGeneticist [CG] did not receive message from gallowsCalibrator [GC]
23921	GC: >:?
23922	GC: 1T S4YS YOU D1DNT G3T MY M3SS4G3
23923	GC: YOU D1DNT BLOCK M3 OR 4NYTH1NG, D1D YOU?????
23924	GC: WH3R3 4R3 YOU!
23925	GC: 1 LOST MY GL4SS3S, BUT 1 4M B4CK 4T TH3 COMPUT3R L4B 4ND TH3R3 1S NO ON3 H3R3
23926	GC: 3XC3PT FOR 4NOTH3R MURD3R V1CT1M >:[
23927	GC: SH3 GOT F3F3R1 TH1S T1M3, 4ND M4YB3 K4N4Y4 TOO, 1 DONT KNOW
23928	GC: DO YOU KNOW 4BOUT TH1S Y3T?
23929	GC: 1F YOU G3T TH1S, PL34S3 B3 C4R3FUL K4RK4T, WH3R3V3R YOU 4R3
23930	GC: 1M 4FR41D VR1SK4 H4S F1N4LLY GON3 COMPL3T3LY OUT OF CONTROL
23931	GC: DO NOT TRY TO 3NG4G3 H3R, SH3 1S TOO D4NG3ROUS
23932	GC: SH3 1S NOW MY R3SPONS1B1L1TY
23933	GC: ONLY 1 KNOW HOW TO D34L W1TH H3R
23934	GC: W4RN 3V3RYON3 3LS3 TO ST4Y 4W4Y TOO, 1F YOU C4N
23935	GC: WHY WONT 4NYON3 R3SPOND? WH4T TH3 H3LL 1S GO1NG ON H3R3
23936	GC: S1GN >:[
23937	GC: GOG D4MN, HOW 4M 1 GO1NG TO GO 4BOUT TH1S
23938	GC: 1 GU3SS 1 C4NT PUT 1T OFF FOR MUCH LONG3R
23939	GC: WHY C4NT YOU 4NSW3R?
23940	GC: 1 COULD R34LLY US3 SOM3ON3 TO T4LK TO 4BOUT 1T
23941	GC: OH W3LL
23942	GC: JUST DONT L3T H3R DR1NK YOUR BLOOD
23943	GC: 1TS 4LL M1N3, R3M3MB3R >:]
23944	You reflect on your prior experience as the team's ectobiologist. It seemed like you were doing something so important at the time. Finally everything made sense. This was why you were here.
23945	But what was the point? You are all clearly going to die the most pointless deaths possible. Everything you believed about your destiny was meaningless. You wish you never pushed those buttons and hatched your team out of all this goddamn slime. You are no ectobiologist. If only there was some other title more befitting of the true discipline you practice, and the death sentence given to whatever you do the disservice of creating. You can't think of one though.
23946	And what about the OTHER twelve wigglers you spawned? Who were they? Probably further proof this was all meaningless and random. Could it be that they were the true heroes meant to be sent back to play this game, while your team was the superfluous crop? Could a mistake have been made during the reckoning?
23947	Or just maybe, she was right about them all along. Not that it makes any difference now.
23948	Something is stirring behind you. Something unconscious and toothless.
23949	EB: so... what about jack?
23950	AG: What a8out him?
23951	EB: are you still planning on killing him?
23952	AG: Hmmmmmmmm.
23953	EB: that would be a constructive way to use your killer troll instincts, even by human standards.
23954	EB: it is much better than killing friends.
23955	AG: Yeah, you're right.
23956	AG: And to tell you the truth, part of the reason I wanted to kill him was to protect them. It's not just a8out glory you know.
23957	AG: 8ecause if I don't do it, then who will?
23958	EB: well, we have a plan to defeat him too, so there's that.
23959	AG: Yes, I know a8out your plan.
23960	AG: I guess two plans are 8etter than one, right?
23961	EB: yeah.
23962	EB: so...
23963	EB: will you go fight him then?
23964	AG: Man, I don't know anymore.
23965	AG: It's one reason I'm freaking out a8out this. A8out feeling 8ad a8out a simple, perfectly justifia8le killing.
23966	AG: If I can't handle that, doesn't it mean I'm not as strong as I thought? What hope do I have against Jack if that's the case?
23967	EB: for whatever it's worth coming from a human, feeling remorse doesn't make you weak!
23968	EB: i bet you are still really strong.
23969	EB: but then, i'm not sure if i actually want to encourage you to go off fighting him...
23970	EB: because as strong as you probably are, it sounds like he is REALLY strong.
23971	EB: and even though you killed tons of people, i think i would still be pretty sad if you died.
23972	AG: Aw. ::::)
23973	EB: so maybe you should just let us handle it? at least we won't fight him directly.
23974	AG: I don't know. Even though I'm conflicted, it still feels like something I have to do.
23975	AG: I admit, I'm pretty scared thinking a8out it.
23976	AG: Not of him necessarily, 8ut of the fact that I apparently don't know myself as well as I 8elieved.
23977	AG: What if I'm not as lucky as I thought?
23978	AG: What if I do not in fact have ALLLLLLLL of the luck?
23979	EB: well, maybe you don't?
23980	EB: all of the luck sounds like an awful lot of luck to have.
23981	AG: Exactly!
23982	AG: 8ut then, if there is no chance of catching a 8ad 8r8k, then taking a risk doesn't even qualify as 8r8very, does it?
23983	AG: It isn't even a risk, 8y definition!!!!!!!!
23984	AG: So if this is going to mean anything, I guess I just have to find the strength from somewhere to go through with it.
23985	AG: More than just the fakey strength that comes from turning a 8lind eye to all your flaws. You know what I mean?
23986	EB: heh.
23987	AG: Hmm........
23988	EB: what?
23989	AG: You know how I said I couldn't rel8 to the attachment you have for your guardians?
23990	EB: yes.
23991	AG: Well, I guess that isn't completely true.
23992	AG: There are adult trolls who we can rel8 to, if we choose to, and if we are lucky enough to discover who they are.
23993	AG: 8ut it is not really in a familial sense, at least not socially speaking, the way you understand family. They are more like figures of legend, who are said to have more in common with us genetically than any other troll. 8ut we can never meet them of course. Only look up to them, and follow in their footsteps, 8ecause they died centuries ago.
23994	EB: like...
23995	EB: ancestors?
23996	AG: Yeah!
23997	AG: We are each supposed to have one, and if you 8elieve the lore a8out it, your destiny will 8e tied to theirs. You will find clues pointing to them and who they were, 8ut you will only notice them if your eyes are open.
23998	AG: You then can choose to take up the life they left for you. And if you do, they will always 8e looking out for you, and guide you in finishing what they started.
23999	EB: wow, that is kinda neat.
24000	EB: so, do you believe?
24001	AG: I don't have to 8elieve.
24002	AG: I am completely certain it is true, and I know who mine is!
24003	AG: I have 8een doing my 8est to honor her legacy for most of my life.
24004	AG: I even named my roleplaying character after her!
24005	AG: She gained all the levels.
24006	EB: all of them?
24007	AG: AAAAAAAALL.
24008	AG: OOOOOOOOF.
24009	AG: THEEEEEEEEM!
24010	EB: hehe...
24011	EB: how did you know she was the one?
24012	AG: It was 8efore I ever started gaming, or rounding up other kids to feed my lusus.
24013	AG: I was nearing the age where I would 8e expected to feed her.
24014	AG: And she was starting to get so 8ig, that she would have to crawl out of the caverns soon, no longer a8le to feast on stray wigglers she caught in her we8.
24015	AG: It was kind of an intense sym8iotic thing, a particularly demanding lusus-troll relationship, and only really strong kids are supposed to 8e a8le to handle it.
24016	AG: So of course I was terrified of the responsi8ility looming!
24017	AG: I really didn't think I would make it. I was sure I'd fail, and my lusus would either get angry and eat me, or she'd just die and then I'd 8e culled.
24018	AG: 8ut then I saw a shooting star one evening.
24019	AG: I tracked down where it landed, and found a chest with my sign on it.
24020	AG: A sign is an insignia we must wear, specific to our class. Each class has a huge alpha8et of signs, so when someone shares yours, you know you have a lot in common. I was so excited to see it.
24021	EB: what was in the chest!
24022	AG: It was her journal!
24023	AG: She documented all of her amazing adventures as she sailed around the world, commanding a notoriously deadly fleet of Gam8lignants.
24024	AG: It was so thrilling reading it. It really felt like she wrote it just for me, like she was talking right to me and telling me how to 8e like her. She even left notes on where she 8uried treasure and stuff, which I followed l8er when I started RPing. I found her dice that way, and so many other gr8 things.
24025	AG: Learning a8out her gave me the strength and confidence to do what I had to do.
24026	EB: that is a pretty exciting story!
24027	EB: so then, your great great great grandnanna or such was some kind of troll pirate? uh, i mean, pir8?
24028	AG: Yeah!!!!!!!!
24029	AG: And that's not all.
24030	AG: Not that I really needed it proved to me that she was my ancestor, 8ut that's exactly what happened while playing this game.
24031	AG: It turned out that in addition to cre8ting us all in the ecto8iology la8, Karkat cre8ted our ancestors too!
24032	AG: 8ut he never 8elieved in any of that, and just thought they were random extra wigglers serving no purpose, the stu88orn jackass.
24033	AG: The more common 8loods are less inclined to give a shit a8out that kind of stuff, legends and tradition and all that.
24034	AG: Those in the upper classes like me put more stock in it, and rightly so.
24035	EB: now that you mention that...
24036	EB: it really sounds like our situations are not so different!
24037	EB: i created our guardians in the lab too, along with the four of us.
24038	EB: and when you think about it...
24039	EB: i never even knew my nanna.
24040	EB: she died before i was born. or, uh, before i created myself and sent baby me back in time, i mean.
24041	EB: so really, she is my ancestor too! someone i am connected to genetically, but never knew.
24042	AG: Oh yeah. Wow, I never thought a8out that.
24043	EB: and even though i never knew her, she definitely helped me when i was growing up!
24044	EB: i followed in her footsteps, and became an incredible prankster.
24045	AG: Hahahaha. That is an admira8le calling, John. Every 8it as dignified as the path of the Marquise!
24046	EB: i even had a book i learned a lot from too, the book was sort of a family tradition.
24047	EB: it was written by an even older ancestor, my nanna's grandpa, who was only the most LEGENDARY PRANKSTER OF ALL TIME.
24048	EB: so as you can see, we have both benefited greatly from ancestral wisdom.
24049	AG: Yeah, that's so awesome!
24050	EB: i think it is nice to see that when you take a closer look, we have a lot more in common than we first thought.
24051	AG: I agree.
24052	AG: Haha, oh man...
24053	EB: what?
24054	AG: I was just thinking a8out your life on Earth.
24055	AG: You had it so easy! You don't have to go hunting for clues a8out your ancestors at all.
24056	AG: There was a picture of her hanging RIGHT THERE on the wall of your hive.
24057	EB: heheheh, yep! also, her ashes were there too.
24058	AG: Hahahahahahahaha!
24059	AG: I don't know why, 8ut that is just so funny to me.
24060	AG: Your lives are so simple and easy. It must 8e really nice 8eing a human, even though you're all so weak.
24061	AG: 8ut may8e it's ok to 8e weak, if that's what's normal.
24062	EB: yeah, it is pretty great, actually. i highly recommend being human.
24063	TA: terezi?
24064	GC: F1N4LLY!!!
24065	GC: 1 W4S ST4RT1NG TO TH1NK 1 W4S TH3 L4ST ON3 OF US 4L1V3
24066	GC: H4V3 YOU S33N K4RK4T?
24067	TA: n0.
24068	TA: but i've sure as hell heard him.
24069	GC: WH4T DO3S TH4T M34N??
24070	GC: 4ND WHY 4R3 YOU TYP1NG L1K3 TH1S, 1TS V3RY ODD >:?
24071	TA: it means that i'm blind n0w.
24072	TA: and i guess i talk like this cause...
24073	TA: kk kn0cked 0ut all my teeth like s0me kind of grubfisted d0uche.
24074	TA: eheheh, n0w he's flipping 0ut.
24075	GC: 1'M R3L13V3D YOU 4ND H3 4R3 OK
24076	GC: 1 W4S G3TT1NG SO WORR13D, H3 WOULDN'T 4NSW3R
24077	TA: seems like he wants t0 talk t0 y0u.
24078	TA: but i was h0ping t0 talk with y0u a bit first, h0pe y0u d0n't mind.
24079	TA: i mean, i kn0w he minds, but he can sm00ch my bl00dy, gummy m0uth right 0n the lisp f0r all i care.
24080	TA: i mean lips! that's what i mean t0 say, n0w that i can.
24081	TA: lips, lips, lipsssss. w0w, it feels s0 great t0 say that w0rd!
24082	GC: H3H3H3 >:]
24083	GC: OK SOLLUX, W3 C4N T4LK
24084	GC: WH4T 1S TH1S 4BOUT YOU B31NG BL1ND?
24085	TA: i h0pe y0u d0n't find it insulting that i wanted t0 talk t0 y0u ab0ut it first.
24086	TA: y0u just seemed like the right 0ne t0 talk t0 ab0ut it.
24087	GC: 1 DO NOT M1ND
24088	GC: HOW D1D 1T H4PP3N?
24089	TA: it was eridan.
24090	TA: g0t me with his fucking science stick, but it's my fault, i t0tally underestimated him.
24091	GC: OH NO
24092	TA: h0nestly i'm 0k with it th0ugh, i'm fine, i mean, aside fr0m the part ab0ut n0t being able t0 see g0d damn squat.
24093	GC: SOLLUX...
24094	GC: DO YOU KNOW 4BOUT F3F3R1?
24095	TA: yes.
24096	GC: 1M SORRY >:[
24097	TA: me t00.
24098	TA: but it's 0k, i'm 0k with that t00.
24099	TA: it's hard t0 explain h0w i'm feeling n0w.
24100	TA: i just kn0w that she is happy and 0k right n0w.
24101	TA: just like aradia is.
24102	GC: YOU 4R3 SUR3 YOUR3 OK?
24103	TA: yeah.
24104	TA: i feel better than i ever have, really.
24105	TA: there is n0 m0re n0ise, i never realized h0w N0ISY it was.
24106	TA: i can finally relax, and hear my 0wn th0ughts with0ut having t0 yell them, 0r actually, just n0t have any th0ughts, that's a nice change 0f pace.
24107	GC: TH4TS GOOD
24108	GC: WH4T K1ND OF NO1S3 W3R3 YOU H34R1NG
24109	TA: v0ices.
24110	TA: indiscriminate, indecipherable v0ices, all talking at 0nce, v0ices 0f the s00n t0 be dead.
24111	TA: they had been getting l0uder lately, and i just figured they were all 0urs.
24112	TA: i tuned them 0ut kind 0f like i pretty much always d0, but n0w that they're g0ne the difference is HUGE, i mean W0W.
24113	TA: maybe since they're g0ne, it means we w0n't have t0 die anym0re?
24114	GC: 1 HOP3 YOUR3 R1GHT
24115	TA: s0, since i guess i have t0 learn t0 be blind n0w, d0 y0u have any tisps f0r me?
24116	TA: i mean tips.
24117	TA: tips tips tips tips tips!
24118	TA: 0u0
24119	TA: wait, n0, that s0unds stupid.
24120	GC: H3H3
24121	GC: Y34H! 1 H4V3 PL3NTY OF T1PS
24122	GC: 1T M4Y T4K3 T1M3 THOUGH, 1T TOOK M3 PL3NTY OF T1M3 TO G3T US3D TO
24123	GC: 4LSO, 1 M4Y NOT B3 4S GOOD 4 T34CH3R 4S 1 H4D, S1NC3 1 4M NOT 4 M4G1C4L DR4GON >:[
24124	TA: that's 0k, i'm happy t0 learn fr0m y0u just being y0u.
24125	GC: HOOR4Y!
24126	GC: SO WH3R3 4R3 YOU GUYS?
24127	GC: 1 SHOULD COM3 JO1N YOU, SO W3 C4N ST1CK TOG3TH3R
24128	TA: fuck, i dunn0.
24129	TA: i'm BLIND, remember?
24130	GC: H4H4H4
24131	TA: i'll ask kk.
24132	GC: H4NG ON
24133	TA: what?
24134	GC: SOM3TH1NG 1S GO1NG ON
24135	GC: 1 SM3LL SOM3TH1NG 1N H3R3
24136	TA: what??
24137	GC: 1T SM3LLS
24138	GC: BR1GHT3R
24139	TA: brighter?
24140	TA: terezi?
24141	TA: are y0u there?????
24142	TA: aw shit n0...
24143	As usual, you fail to resist the urge.
24144	You start thrashing up stunts something uncannybrutal on your quest forOH GOD DAMMIT.
24145	You were making a play for that sicknasty pack of deliriously mouthwatering Doritos and this idiot got stuck in a pole again. Time to reset for the third time this hour.
24146	Someone is bothering you.
24147	AA: hello!
24148	TG: hey
24149	AA: i think its absurd i never introduced myself to you in all that time i spent moping around the lab
24150	AA: guess i wasnt in a very good mood
24151	AA: hi dave my names aradia
24152	TG: christ
24153	TG: youre a fan of one of my websites arent you
24154	TG: what asshole gave you my chumhandle
24155	TG: also what was your favorite thing i did you liked
24156	TG: and what did you think was so great about it
24157	TG: also
24158	TG: asl???
24159	AA: um
24160	AA: 6 a girl and a place very close to you
24161	AA: in fact
24162	AA: i could visit you right now if you would like
24163	TG: oh holy shit ok youre a troll
24164	TG: only trolls say theyre six i dont know whats up with you and that dumb fake age
24165	AA: to be fair it translates to the same age as you which at the moment is 12 is it not
24166	TG: makes no sense bye
24167	AA: understanding disparities in the flow of time should be easy for people like us let alone understanding disparities in such pedestrian things as units
24168	AA: i am 6 sweeps old one sweep is a little more than 2 years you dummy!
24169	TG: cool story
24170	AA: look it is either the truth or i am just someone who is being a bit playful what is the harm in that
24171	TG: ok so 2=6 awesome joke hahahaha
24172	TG: or wait maybe it was just a waste of time
24173	TG: you people think im made of the stuff
24174	AA: :D
24175	AA: i know you arent
24176	AA: but i am
24177	TG: what
24178	AA: maid of time
24179	AA: whereas you are the knight of the very same cosmic faculty
24180	AA: it would seem we have very little in common dave
24181	AA: when in fact we have very much
24182	TG: yeah
24183	TG: i think
24184	TG: im gonna shut off my phone now cya
24185	AA: yes
24186	AA: thats definitely what you did the first time we had this conversation
24187	AA: so i will wait patiently while you realize thats not what youre going to do this time
24188	TG: uh
24189	TG: what
24190	TG: the fuck
24191	AA: dave describe to me why you are now incredulous please
24192	TG: i remember this
24193	TG: i remember shutting off my phone and never talking to you again
24194	TG: but
24195	TG: im still talking
24196	TG: whats going on
24197	AA: of course you remember that
24198	AA: this is a memory
24199	TG: no its a dream
24200	TG: im asleep
24201	TG: or am i
24202	TG: what is going on here
24203	AA: come to the window
24204	TG: why
24205	AA: because im outside
24206	TG: bs
24207	AA: take a look
24208	TG: i dont see anything out there
24209	AA: that iiis
24210	AA: becaaause
24211	AA: im not out there anymore!
24212	AA: turn around
24213	TG: oh sup
24214	TG: looks like youre a fairy
24215	AA: yeah
24216	TG: thats cool
24217	TG: these arent my shades anymore
24218	TG: john gave me these new ones for my bday
24219	TG: i remember that
24220	TG: and i wasnt wearing this shirt
24221	TG: it was this one
24222	TG: howd it get like that
24223	AA: try to remember
24224	TG: i cant
24225	TG: wait
24226	TG: i wasnt wearing this actually
24227	TG: i was wearing this suit
24228	TG: no wait
24229	TG: it was a black one
24230	AA: are you sure
24231	TG: yeah
24232	TG: and i was playing sburb
24233	TG: thats right
24234	TG: and then i went to sleep at some point
24235	TG: which is why im asleep now
24236	TG: but
24237	TG: if im dreaming
24238	TG: then why am i not awake as my dream self
24239	AA: why indeed!
24240	TG: shit
24241	TG: this wasnt the suit i was wearing
24242	TG: it was this ugly fucking rag
24243	AA: yes
24244	AA: i think it looks pretty nice but go on
24245	TG: and i went to take a nap
24246	TG: terezi said id reach god tier
24247	TG: or i guess show me why i wouldnt
24248	TG: did it work is this part of the process somehow
24249	AA: no
24250	AA: sorry
24251	TG: so then
24252	TG: its just a stupid pointless dream
24253	AA: not exactly
24254	TG: wait
24255	TG: oh yeah
24256	TG: i woke up
24257	TG: and then
24258	TG: welp
24259	TG: so then
24260	TG: im dead
24261	AA: yes
24262	TG: then this isnt a memory or a dream at all
24263	TG: its the afterlife
24264	AA: yes and no
24265	AA: yes and 2 nos!
24266	AA: it is the afterlife
24267	AA: but what is happening now is taking place in a bubble which is accessible to the living through dreams under the right conditions
24268	AA: and it is also your memory
24269	AA: the entry point for any bubble is always a memory
24270	AA: either a memory of the dead
24271	AA: or a memory of the living dreamer come to visit!
24272	AA: but once you realize it is not just a memory
24273	AA: what happens next is up to you
24274	TG: ok
24275	TG: what is going on over here then
24276	TG: is this some disturbing ghost hallucination should i start slapping myself or what
24277	AA: no this actually did happen
24278	TG: i dont remember this
24279	AA: thats because it isnt your memory
24280	AA: this is alpha dave
24281	AA: the one who chose not to take the nap which led to your death
24282	TG: fuck
24283	TG: lucky bastard
24284	TG: so then i guess terezi tricked me
24285	AA: did she
24286	AA: didnt you ask for this
24287	TG: it would have been cool to know if picking one option would definitely kill me pointlessly so yeah
24288	TG: but i guess i kept giving her shit about it and i knew she was kind of crazy and morbid anyways so whatever
24289	TG: is
24290	TG: bro dead there
24291	AA: evidently
24292	TG: like in reality
24293	TG: like thats a thing that really happened
24294	TG: also
24295	TG: is reality still a thing that means something can that be a question on the table too
24296	AA: yes yes and yes
24297	AA: yes it can be on the table and yes reality still means something
24298	AA: and yes your guardian did die
24299	TG: well
24300	TG: dammit
24301	TG: what did i do wrong
24302	TG: aside from getting my ass killed in the most retarded way possible
24303	AA: nothing
24304	AA: all is well and as it should be
24305	TG: whats he doing
24306	TG: alpha me
24307	AA: what would you be doing there if you were him
24308	TG: i am him
24309	AA: even better!
24310	TG: i dunno
24311	AA: would you be upset
24312	TG: yeah
24313	TG: sorta
24314	AA: then maybe what you are doing is grieving
24315	AA: in whatever way that comes naturally to you
24316	TG: maybe
24317	AA: you are lucky to be able to
24318	AA: i could not for a long time
24319	AA: but now that i can again im so relieved
24320	AA: because i have discovered there is no reason to grieve!
24321	TG: ok
24322	TG: am i talking to someone there
24323	AA: looks like it
24324	TG: who
24325	AA: who do you suspect you would be talking to in this situation
24326	TG: probably
24327	TG: terezi i guess
24328	AA: maybe she is helping you through this
24329	TG: i dunno
24330	TG: would she do that
24331	AA: you were helping her werent you
24332	TG: was i
24333	AA: i think so
24334	AA: the living need each others help
24335	AA: just like the dead do
24336	AA: alpha dave still has a long way to go
24337	AA: hes still not at ease with his mortality
24338	AA: but people like us have to be!
24339	AA: we have to be prepared to die a thousand deaths before our quest is complete
24340	AA: the master we serve demands it
24341	TG: so
24342	TG: im just one dead dave offered up to the time god
24343	AA: pretty much
24344	TG: what about the other dead daves
24345	AA: they come here too
24346	AA: in their own bubbles
24347	AA: you may cross paths with them if you wish
24348	TG: uh
24349	TG: i think
24350	TG: im up to my neck in dave already
24351	TG: just being one
24352	AA: ha
24353	AA: i know the feeling :)
24354	TG: still doesnt seem right though
24355	TG: why are you even here like why are you showing me this
24356	AA: im not showing you im just visiting your bubble
24357	AA: it projects your thoughts and memories
24358	AA: as well as other things relevant to you much like the clouds do in skaia
24359	TG: but like
24360	TG: if im seeing this
24361	TG: shouldnt i be able to do something about it
24362	TG: or stop it from happening or
24363	TG: i dont know like anything to keep helping my friends
24364	TG: what do i do
24365	AA: nothing
24366	AA: none of this is your business anymore
24367	AA: its time to move on
24368	TG: where are we now
24369	AA: oh look this was my hive!
24370	AA: before it was destroyed
24371	TG: oh so this is the trollplanet
24372	TG: pretty cool not really what i pictured
24373	AA: what did you picture
24374	TG: i dont know its more subdued
24375	TG: i pictured a lot more mayhem like
24376	TG: a bunch of trolls flying around in little grub pods constantly screaming at each other through bullhorns shaped like buckets
24377	AA: thats very silly and a little perverse
24378	TG: hahaha
24379	AA: but actually that sounds like what it might have been like on some parts of the planet sooo
24380	TG: can we not go to those parts
24381	AA: ill put in a good word with your bubble about it
24382	TG: awesome
24383	TG: so what am i supposed to do now that im dead
24384	TG: what is like
24385	TG: the primary activity here
24386	TG: that ghosts get their shit worked up over
24387	TG: like
24388	TG: where are the fucking hauntoffs at is what im asking
24389	AA: i dont know about hauntoffs
24390	AA: but there is plenty of time to satisfy various curiosities you might have about existence and whatnot
24391	TG: boring
24392	AA: is it
24393	TG: just kidding that sounds cool
24394	AA: oh! yes
24395	TG: what else
24396	AA: there are all sorts of friends to meet
24397	AA: ones you already know and ones you dont
24398	AA: there is plenty of time for just about anything
24399	AA: lots and lots of time
24400	AA: enough time to understand that time isnt much of anything at all
24401	TG: it isnt
24402	AA: time is like a game
24403	AA: just one fun game in realitys cupboard which is full of them
24404	AA: its the one we are the best at!
24405	AA: while other people are better at the other games
24406	AA: but when all the games are back in the cupboard everyone is about the same
24407	AA: and games are fun but sometimes you dont realize how much fun you were having until theyre all over
24408	AA: and sometimes you look back and realize for some stupid reason you werent having any fun at all!
24409	AA: then you laugh
24410	TG: ha
24411	TG: haha
24412	TG: i bet you meant a laugh a whole lot less shitty than that
24413	AA: that laugh will suffice
24414	AA: hey!
24415	AA: want to see inside my hive
24416	TG: yeah sure
24417	TG: well
24418	TG: how about later
24419	TG: not that that doesnt sound cool but i kind of want to just go home
24420	TG: and i guess chill for a while cause i guess it was all a bit much
24421	TG: if thats ok and i guess also possible
24422	AA: it is quite possible and more than ok
24423	AA: it seems you have a hiveguest dave
24424	TG: aw hell no
24425	TG: is this who i think this is
24426	AA: tavros has been looking forward to meeting you
24427	AT: hEYYY,
24428	AT: fIRST, oK, i THINK YOU'RE FANTASTIC,
24429	AT: wHICH IS TO SAY, jUST AN ENVIABLY COOL GUY, wHO i ADMIRE,
24430	AT: lET'S PUT THAT COMPLIMENT ON THE TABLE WHERE WE CAN BOTH SEE IT,
24431	TG: holy shit
24432	AT: lOOKS LIKE i FOUND ANOTHER POINT IN TIME TO BOTHER YOU,
24433	AT: wHEN, i GUESS,
24434	AT: yOU ARE MORE EMOTIONALLY SUSCEPTIBLE,
24435	AT: }:)
24436	TG: dude
24437	TG: are those sick fires youre packing there
24438	TG: you best not be bringin that fire into my bubble less you plan on dropping that shit
24439	AT: oHH, bRO,
24440	AT: tHESE ARE WITHOUT ANY CONFUSION TO BE NOTED AS SOME TRULY UNHEALTHY INCENDIARIES,
24441	AT: tHEY ARE IN ABOVE AVERAGE NEED OF MEDICAL ATTENTION,
24442	AT: sO, iN OTHER WORDS, jUST TO COMPLETE THE ANALOGY, i HOPE YOU KNOW A LICENSED PHYSICIAN,
24443	TG: i am your general fucking practitioner and doctors orders are to shut up and burn down my goddamn office
24444	TG: ill break your brittle ass like a graham cracker and well roast smores over the flaming debris have i made myself clear
24445	AT: aH, hAHA, yES, aND,
24446	AT: cERTAIN FEATURES OF YOUR PALE ANATOMY MAY SERVE AS THE MARSH MALLOW INGREDIENT, nEEDED FOR THE MOLTEN SNACK,
24447	AT: i WILL PROVIDE THE FUDGE, }:D
24448	TG: dude
24449	TG: gross
24450	TG: so aradia just so were clear
24451	TG: this is like a hellbubble right
24452	TG: its my eternal punishment to have shitty rapoffs with this tool forever is that it
24453	AA: yes you figured out the mystery!
24454	TG: i guess i had it coming for a flagrant lifetime spent being unbelievably fucking incredible at rap and just about practically everything else
24455	TG: except not dying
24456	AA: you may think so but then again you have not faced team charge in a match of slam poetry have you
24457	AT: oHHHH, yESSS,
24458	AA: just kidding im no good at slam poetry haha sorry
24459	AT: oHHHH,
24460	AT: oH, }:(
24461	TG: so is he dead
24462	TG: he looks dead
24463	AA: yes hes dead
24464	TG: what about you
24465	TG: you dont look dead
24466	TG: are you dreaming
24467	AA: no i am wide awake
24468	AA: and i physically stand before you in person!
24469	TG: so
24470	TG: youre not dead
24471	AA: oh no
24472	AA: i am very much alive
24473	AA: and i intend to stay that way :)
24474	EB: ok then, i guess i will get going.
24475	AG: Go where?
24476	EB: to keep looking for my dad!
24477	AG: Are you sure you don't have more important things to worry a8out?
24478	EB: um...
24479	EB: are you saying that i am still not supposed to find him yet?
24480	AG: John, please. I thought you were done getting the future spoon fed to you like this.
24481	AG: I have told you that you will find your dad eventually. That should 8e good enough! Don't you think it's time to start taking your responsi8ility more seriously?
24482	EB: well, yeah.
24483	EB: but what responsibility do you mean?
24484	AG: We just concluded that I am going to go fight Jack. And there is a possi8ility I will fail! He could kill me easily for all I know. 8ut it's something I have to try.
24485	AG: And if I do fail, your plan will serve as 8ackup. There is a lot riding on you, John. On 8oth of us!
24486	EB: ok.
24487	EB: so you're saying i should go get the tumor now instead of putting it off?
24488	AG: I'm not telling you to do anything. Just reminding you of what's at st8ke.
24489	EB: wait, i mean the tumor.
24490	EB: wait...
24491	EB: i mean The Tumor!
24492	AG: Why don't we just call it what it is.
24493	AG: A 8ig fucking 8om8 in the core of your 8attlefield.
24494	EB: yeah.
24495	EB: which is what i was wondering about...
24496	EB: how am i supposed to get it out?
24497	EB: i guess go find a cave or something?
24498	AG: Yes, you could pro8a8ly go looking for a sanctioned entry point.
24499	AG: Or you could just do what winners in a hurry do.
24500	EB: what...
24501	AG: Cheat!
24502	EB: uh, is that even possible?
24503	AG: It's practically always possi8le.
24504	AG: I won't tell you how, 8ut I will point out you could start making 8etter use of your powers than facilit8ing noisy joyrides.
24505	AG: Is that what Earth is like, 8y the way? A 8unch of humans flying around in little wheeled pods constantly 8eeping at each other with their chauffeur familiars????????
24506	EB: hehe, no.
24507	EB: well, maybe some places, but most cars stay on the ground, because science fiction hasn't happened yet.
24508	AG: Anyway, I'm just saying it's time to do something useful and impressive with your powers, deli8er8ly for a change. You are a god now, remem8er?
24509	EB: yes, but...
24510	EB: all i can do is make a lot of wind blow around!
24511	EB: how is that going to help?
24512	AG: Use your imagin8tion!
24513	AG: That windy thing of yours is more vers8tile than you think.
24514	EB: alright, i will try.
24515	AG: Good.
24516	AG: I think it's time for me to get going too. I will prepare for 8attle.
24517	EB: oh, man.
24518	EB: i guess if there is nothing i can say to change your mind, and it's something you really have to do, then i understand.
24519	EB: but, how about this...
24520	AG: What?
24521	EB: can this not be the last time we talk before you go?
24522	EB: it would be nice to hear from you at least once before you leave to fight him.
24523	AG: Yeah! You got it. I will message you 8efore I leave.
24524	EB: in my future, too! none of this messaging me in the past nonsense, before i even knew you.
24525	AG: Of course.
24526	EB: ok, great. i will hold you to that, vriska.
24527	AG: It will 8e a certainty.
24528	AG: That said, there is no need for any sort of farewell right now.
24529	AG: Go do your amazing windy thing, John. 8e cre8tive! I will talk to you l8er.
24530	EB: ok, i will, later!
24531	More wine for the lady?
24532	This woman sure does seem to like her wine. The gentleman has never met a woman quite so taken with the drink, or one as enchanting and beautiful, for that matter.
24533	Oops!
24534	The fellow has stained the mademoiselle's fine garment. The gaffe is unforgivable, and the only true course of chivalry would be to liberate the damsel from the sodden cloth and launder it immediately.
24535	But the lady has no concern for the purity of her finery. She has other things on her mind altogether.
24536	The woman has never met a gentleman so strong and considerate and handsome. She cannot tell for certain if her intoxication is due to her seventh glass of wine, or the contours of his proud, powerful nose, and the sensual aroma wafting from his pipe.
24537	The man and the woman are at ease. They have everything because they have each other. They know that together they can make it through anything, whether trouble brings a bit of spilled wine on a chic lab coat, or reduces the very castle beneath their feet to ruins.
24538	~ On the 14th 8ilunar perigee of the 2nd dim season's equinox ~
24539	The Orphaner poses a caliginous riddle like no other I've met. I am presuming him 8othered 8y jealousy, and it would 8e sickening if it were not so marvelously amusing. 8ut then, who 8ut royalty could have the finned cheek to show disdain for the manner in which his 8lack lover conducts her red conquests? Less has acceler8ted meeker than I to homicide, and the viol8tion would hold me aghast, again, if his misgivings did not complement his so endearing arsenal of qu8nt flaws. It is impossi8le to stifle this grin even now as I write.
24540	He surely understands this as my maritime overlord, a superior while through gritting fangs he would concede the expanse of my plunder makes his seem hardly worthwhile to trou8le a map with good ink over. I know he understands. I will take what I want. I expect nothing less from Dualscar, and truly, less would offend me. Is it the crude 8lood of the suitors from which I have taken enjoyment recently? If his displeasure is with my 8lithe treatment of the social order then he has either not spent enough time in the warm company of my indifference, or is simply very stupid. I saw the look he gave. He's so secure in knowing I can't feel what's in his mind he forgets the tr8torous ways of his own face. His little looks are words to me, interjections in our deliciously 8itter repartee. First a look as I summon a slave from the hold, with such ease 8etween my remarks. Why yes, Dualscar, they were the very slaves in your hold until 8ut this hour. Another ship deployed carelessly, languishing in strategic vulnera8ility. Is this not our routine? Our dance? What is this look, my dear kismesis? Is it shame? Envy? Contempt for what he knows will follow?
24541	I nod her over. She is fearful and it makes her prettier. He scoffs without a movement or sound. I know there is disgust feeding the shadows in his corner of my 8lock. At least prick her in the light, he surely thinks. Determine what vulgar hue she 8leeds 8efore persisting with your a8asement, Marquise. Do try to understand, Orphaner. Not knowing is the point, and if you truly understood this, your crusade against the Gam8lignants would not 8e among our Grand High8lood's most uproarious punchlines. (If only one truly needed to 8e so high to find it amusing!) And so not knowing, I take her will, 8ut leave enough of it to enjoy her response. Her hands are in my service 8ut they still shake. They unfasten the first 8utton at my jacket's waist, clumsily. I have masked the line 8etween my puppeteering and her volition exquisitely, and her uncertainty over her own control fuels her fear. She unfastens the second 8utton, and 8etween the second and third, I make a casual remark to Dualscar, continuing our convers8tion. He does not respond.
24542	I look again at the face of my slave, imagining for a moment her mind is not an unguarded port to her every dread. I imagine I cannot feel her conviction that it's not merely a matter of whether she will 8e put to the irons, 8ut how hot they will 8e if she fails to please. Poor thing. Her horns make attractive shapes and pair themselves pleasantly amidst her violent snarls of hair. Her fingers, which I have lost track of, to my surprise have come 8etween the petticoat and my skin. The heat of her touch tells me the likely range for the color of her 8lood. I wouldn't have guessed it to look at her, not with her sign stripped. Her mouth opens slightly and I squint. Ah! Razor sharp, and none missing. Perfect. How disappointing it is to find quivering lips hiding dull teeth. I pause to consider. What will her fear 8ecome if I choose to show her mercy later? And even, in days, kindness? Will this 8e the red dalliance that 8ecomes fully flushed? Love demands my cunning just as my raids. If it is to 8e, she will never understand how thoroughly she was manipul8ted, her 8ody, her mind, her devotion.
24543	I remem8er Dualscar again. My distraction from our 8anter was momentarily a8solute, and I inquire into the shadows. 8ut he is gone.
24544	Then go, my kismesis. Fume with the indign8tion I gave you. I can only pray it 8lackens our 8ond. I must know such exhi8itions agit8 him and hence why I 8other, otherwise it would 8e easy to dismiss him 8efore I partook. Let it 8e a gift of antagoniz8tion to you, my dear rival, on which you may 8rew pitch for me anew. And if it is true envy, a vermilion yearning I can't a8ide, then though it pains me it will 8e farewell.
24545	Alas, it may 8e that I am too good at spurring h8. Too good, at least, for him. I only hope he is not so foolish as to tread a path of less torrid malice.
24546	For if he does........
24547	~ On the 16th ~
24548	My suspicions have 8een confirmed. I'm not grinning anymore, Dualscar.
24549	Our orderly contention has dissolved right 8efore my vision 8fold. It was once a handsome 8lack, 8ut now sits like good strong tea sullied and cooled 8y unwelcome dairy.
24550	Thus my heart was 8roken twice. I was fond of the slave. There was surely promise in her red investment. He had her assassin8ed.
24551	And so I am visited 8y a 8it of 8ad luck for a change. It's not possi8le to evade it forever, I suppose. I will simply have to endure the misfortune of o8serving his 8ase and artless measures of retali8tion.
24552	He's applied his own resources to increase the 8ounty on my head. I wonder if he intends such a laugha8ly ineffectual gesture as anything more than a formality, a sym8ol of his intent. If not, my smile. How it threatens to revisit. Almost.
24553	I've 8roken laws, yes. 8ut what has there 8een to pay for? If any act I've taken should demand a 8ounty, it was paid up front. I foot the 8ill myself with guile and supremacy.
24554	~ On the 20th ~
24555	If only my hoard were as 8ottomless as his desire to disappoint me. He is set on cowardice, deferring to others to settle his score.
24556	Doesn't he remem8er what he's confided? It would 8e easy to give the evidence to Her Imperious Condescension, and he would 8e killed quickly for his unthinka8le presumption. He's taken a gr8 risk har8oring red am8itions for an empress who will never even know his name. Not that I'll sink to his tactics.
24557	8ut then, he feels safety in knowing this. My sources say he is en route.
24558	~ On the 21st ~
24559	I've learned Dualscar has reported to the Grand High8lood all the intelligence he has on me and my fleet. It was inform8tion he'd guarded closely to protect our once mutually cherished rivalry. He couldn't let it fall into the wrong hands, lest another 8esiege me more effectively and cause me to wax for the usurper. Not that he'd raised that mast particularly high himself. Ah, the shortcomings I manage to overlook for the sake of a lover.
24560	I would have enjoyed witnessing the entertainment he prepared to please the High8lood. His sense of humor was dreadful. It would have 8een a true miracle if he survived the appointment.
24561	Funny, I always imagined a grander entry in my journal for your demise, Dualscar. 8ut I should have realized you would die as you lived. A joke. One more humorous little sacrifice kindly given to the Su8juggl8ors, and one step closer to the release of the Vast Honk they prophesize. I am overjoyed to understand now this was always your destiny.
24562	It's 8een nearly a week since Dualscar's fitting end and I'd all 8ut forgotten the matter. It seems the Su8juggl8ors were not particularly inspired 8y his revel8tions a8out my affairs. Sources tell me their response was to commission one of the court's neophyte legislacerators to conduct the investig8tion and 8ring me to justice.
24563	Neophyte Redglare is reported to 8e quite talented. I find no reason to dou8t this. Still, how can I 8e caused any unrest to learn their recourse is to send a lone, inexperienced 8ureaucrat to apprehend me?
24564	I cannot view this as anything other than full concession 8y the High8loods. They now only seek to maintain the appearance of pursuing me. May8e they find my exploits amusing? I couldn't possi8ly disagree. Those rare moments when my superiors show wisdom come perilously close to restoring my faith in the social order.
24565	As for Redglare, it would surprise me if I ever heard her name again. If she finds me then I welcome her challenge. 8ut I am so confident she will play no relevant role in my future, I won't even 8other peering into my oracle to satisfy my curiosity.
24566	You are now Jack Noir.
24567	You have just murdered an innocent family.
24568	What will you do?
24569	You begin claiming trophies to celebrate your magnificent triumph over the defenseless loving couple. The man's hat suits you perfectly. It is plain and serviceable. Yes, that looks so good. The only way the look could possibly be improved is if it was blacker. Or bloodier.
24570	This beautiful scarf will look quite dramatic as you soar through the air, scouring the surface for new victims. It is finely crafted and the fabric is wonderfully soft. Your powerful nose detects perfume. The odor is pleasant.
24571	Wait, this pipe is great too. It makes you look dignified and thoughtful. Yes, this will be your trophy as well.
24572	Yes. YES.
24573	All of the glorious trophies will belong to you. There is no possession of the fallen so trivial that it would not make a splendid adornment to your intimidating visage.
24574	WAIT NO.
24575	THIS IS IN FACT SO VERY, VERY STUPID.
24576	This is no way for a killer of your elite profile to dress. Your rise to omnipotence has had a regrettable influence on your vanity it seems. Have you forgotten the original grievance with frivolous attire that got you here?
24577	That's it. NO MORE TROPHIES. YOU ARE SWEARING OFF TROPHIES FOREVER.
24578	Probably.
24579	Ok.
24580	You will keep one trophy.
24581	BUT ONLY ONE.
24582	You can never stay mad at Cal. He is a true friend. The only you have ever known.
24583	God you are so bored.
24584	It used to be that when you were bored with paperwork, you would go distract yourself by sharpening one of your favorite knives, or give your most disapproving scowl through a fenestrated wall to survey the kingdom. But those were simpler times. There is only one cure for boredom befitting a demigod, and that is more senseless killing.
24585	You consult your proud long snout for assistance with the hunt. You pick up the maddening scent of one of the young graveyard stuffers. You are sure it is the same one you slaughtered earlier, and yet his stench remains, confounding you from every direction. It is as if THE BREEZE which carries it deliberately seeks to obfuscate the odor's origin. Your thoughts become more murderous with each blustery taunt.
24586	You are consumed by murderous thoughts and you prepare to embark on a killing spree to end all oh for fuck's sake you start thinking about dog things again.
24587	WHY DO BONES HAVE TO BE SO DELICIOUS AND ENTICING.
24588	You successfully suppress all thoughts of delicious little wrapped wieners and infuriating things like mail and its agents of delivery.
24589	But in the process you awaken your deepest and darkest feelings of all. Feelings of...
24590	Loyalty? How completely despicable.
24591	But no, that is not quite all there is.
24592	Could it also be...
24593	LOVE?
24594	It must be. It is the only emotion that could possibly make you feel so utterly disgusted with yourself.
24595	And it is surely why you couldn't go through with it.
24596	You could not do it.
24597	You could not kill the girl.
24598	You get the Draconian Dignitary on the line. He asks what the hell you've been up to. You say it doesn't matter. You have a point of serious business to discuss with him. He makes sure you're remembering to keep the destructive impulses to a minimum. No more planet exploding or anything like that. You say yeah yeah. He says no point in securing power when there's nothing left to rule. You say you know, god. It's not the point.
24599	Lousy stupid dignitary, all keeping your murderous tendencies in check. He's the most terrible guy you almost kind of didn't despise completely.
24600	You attempt to humor the Sovereign Slayer's demands diplomatically. There's a narrow line to walk between obeying the orders of a clear superior and blindly facilitating a perfectly useless genocide. It takes a very savvy breed of psychopath to pull it off.
24601	The Slayer is yapping about some girl. Probably one of the young players who can no longer provide any serious threat to your rule. But he wants you to go kill her anyway. You ask why he doesn't go kill her himself. He says it's complicated. This guy, you swear. You tell him you're busy with things that actually matter. Like running this kingdom on his behalf and all. Levying taxes, oppressing consorts, all the unpleasant chores he would never dirty his snout with. He says this is more important than any of that stuff. You say fine, just send the droll after her.
24602	There's a moment of radio silence.
24603	He says you mean the COURTYARD Droll? He wants to be sure this is the same droll you're talking about. You say yeah, what's the problem? He says, you mean the very same droll who couldn't manage the one simple task assigned to him, to steal the White Queen's ring from the very same adoring, wonderful girl and master and friend in question? Wait. He says he just means girl. Just girl. You didn't hear any of that.
24604	You don't say anything.
24605	He says fine. You win. Sic the stupid droll on her, what does he care.
24606	You hit up the droll. The slayer was right, this guy is clearly incompetent. Still, the only real objective here is to get him to stop breathing down your neck with his awful dog breath.
24607	Looks like the droll's on the battlefield. He says he is still looking for the queen's ring. He says he made a new friend to help him with his search. But it is terribly breezy on this planet, and his new friend keeps blowing around making the search more difficult! He says thank goodness he is not wearing one of his finer hats. It would be just dreadful trying to keep it on his head in such weather!
24608	You say you don't care about any of that stuff, and tell him to shut up.
24609	The dignitary is one of your superiors who makes you nervous. The list of superiors who make you nervous in fact includes all of your superiors. It includes many of your inferiors as well.
24610	He tells you to forget the ring. You failed your mission, and you are never going to find it. There is a new mission. You say oh? He says yeah. And let go of the goddamn rabbit. You say ok, but don't actually let go.
24611	You say you will be happy to begin the new mission very soon. But first there is this pretty blue tornado ahead you were meaning to investigate. Perhaps other locals it has attracted will know something about the ring? He says for the love of god, will you forget about the tornado and the ring. You don't say anything and look longingly at the tornado again. He says fine, if you really must examine a meaningless and extraordinarily dangerous exhibit of meteorological phenomena, then go ahead. But be ready to embark on the mission not a moment later. You say alright, and wonder what you should do to prepare. He asks if you have a good winter hat.
24612	You nearly drop the radio in excitement.
24613	There. Now that those wheels are in motion, you guess you can put your mind at ease for a while. You find nothing quite so troubling as the intrusion of a positive emotion.
24614	You are momentarily afforded the peace of mind to resume a dull, quiet life of semi-restrained murder. Maybe you will wait here and see if the boy shows up. It's reasonable to assume he will seek these adults. Certainly easier to let him come to you than follow an untraceable scent. Or maybe you will take a look inside this castle. Perhaps there are survivors here fit for the offing? You GUESS that could serve some amusement.
24615	You wonder if it will always be like this. What sort of future does a new god have to look forward to? Will this malaise follow you for eternity? Will you be perpetually tempted to destroy everything you see, knowing that in just a few moments of recklessness, you will be left with nothing else to destroy forever? What will eternity feel like when a single moment of boredom feels like an eternity unto itself?
24616	You wish you could consult the clouds for answers. But they never show you anything. The reckoning can't wipe this place out soon enough.
24617	You are now future Jack Noir.
24618	Presently, you are trapped in a single moment, which increasingly feels like an eternity. Your boredom is surpassed only by your all consuming rage and contempt for existence itself.
24619	Hours ago, you entered an unfamiliar session. You killed a thousand robotic assailants. You destroyed twelve planets with ease, methodically and cyclically, like a single stained hand of a defective clock smearing each number it passes. You reduced Prospit and Derse to dust, and murdered a whole bunch of alien kids in yellow and purple pajamas. Your warpath of absolute devastation had only begun to be blazed; there were still miles and bloody miles to send forth. But when the dust of Derse settled, this infuriating fairy appeared out of thin air and froze you in time. But she can't keep you like this forever. And when she finally lets you go, you will be ready.
24620	What will you do?
24621	Aside from nothing, that is.
24622	You attempt to be patient.
24623	You fail miserably.
24624	You are now the Maid of Time, recently resurrected from the crypt of Derse. Your name is Aradia Megido, and for the first time in your life, you feel truly alive.
24625	You have just incapacitated Jack Noir with a spell. But a demon so powerful requires your full concentration to subdue. He will break free any moment. You may release him, and die now. Or you may continue to hold him, and die later.
24626	What will you do?
24627	Aside from die, that is.
24628	You're done with dying.
24629	Soon, friends will arrive. They will need your help.
24630	Whose memory is this?
24631	It appears to be yours. At least, that's how it begins.
24632	Wait a minute.
24633	This is not specifically your memory.
24634	It's hers.
24635	AA: s0llux!
24636	TA: hey what'2 up aa.
24637	AA: y0u will never guess what i just f0und
24638	TA: won't ii?
24639	AA: i d0ubt it
24640	TA: wa2 iit the matchiing ruiin2 2iite?
24641	AA: um
24642	AA: yes
24643	AA: h0w did y0u kn0w!
24644	TA: ii don't know, ju2t a weiird feeliing.
24645	TA: ii feel liike we had thii2 conver2atiion before and that'2 what iit wa2 about.
24646	AA: yeah
24647	AA: me t00
24648	AA: what d0 y0u think it means?
24649	TA: probably nothiing. but now not only doe2 iit feel liike we had the conver2atiion before, but iit'2 goiing diifferently thii2 tiime.
24650	TA: 2o iit'2 extra weiird. maybe your voiice2 are iinvolved?
24651	AA: i d0nt kn0w maybe
24652	AA: maybe y0urs are t00?
24653	TA: ii don't hear a goddamn thiing.
24654	TA: do you?
24655	AA: wait
24656	AA: yes
24657	AA: shes very quiet th0ugh i cant tell what shes saying!
24658	TA: oh well.
24659	TA: why don't we pretend there ii2 no 2pooky paranormal phenomena goiing on ju2t once and talk about what you wanted two talk about.
24660	AA: g00d idea
24661	AA: 0k d0 y0u remember what we talked ab0ut regarding kanayas ruins?
24662	TA: 2orta.
24663	AA: i asked y0u f0r help in understanding the glyphs
24664	TA: ii gue22.
24665	AA: 0_0
24666	AA: are y0u just being difficult 0r d0 y0u really n0t remember
24667	TA: ii gue22 ii don't fiind the whole my2tery of the ruiin2 a2 exciitiing a2 you, ok?
24668	AA: well 0bvi0usly!
24669	AA: but i really appreciate y0ur help anyway
24670	TA: 2ure.
24671	TA: how can ii help, then.
24672	AA: well y0u said that y0ud need an0ther set 0f glyphs t0 make sense 0f them
24673	AA: y0u speculated that there might be an0ther set 0f ruins
24674	AA: y0u even guessed they w0uld be blue! it turns 0ut y0u were right
24675	AA: d0nt y0u think that is pretty c00l?
24676	TA: oh yeah, ii am awe2ome about that for 2ure.
24677	TA: but,
24678	TA: ii can't 2hake the feeliing the2e ruiin2 are goiing two be nothiing but trouble for u2.
24679	AA: but y0u say that ab0ut everything!
24680	TA: that'2 becau2e iit'2 fuckiing true about everythiing!
24681	AA: n0 its n0t!
24682	AA: i did find s0me 0ther neat things d0wn here t00 which are strange but quite harmless and n0t f0reb0ding in the least!
24683	TA: liike what?
24684	AA: like this AMAZING hat!
24685	AA: it is an authentic arche0l0gists hat its s0 hard t0 find them in this style
24686	AA: there are n0 h0rn h0les but i l0ve it anyway its great
24687	TA: pretty 2weet aa.
24688	TA: hey diidn't you al2o fiind 2ome biit2 and piiece2 of your biizarre robot doppelganger.
24689	AA: i wasnt g0ing t0 tell y0u ab0ut that!
24690	AA: damn it h0w did y0u kn0w
24691	TA: ii don't know, ii ju2t "remembered" 2ome more 2hiit about thii2 dii2covery, god 2orry.
24692	AA: this is stupid
24693	TA: yeah, well, ii gue22 thii2 ii2 the kiind of 2hiit you have to deal wiith when two p2ychiic2 talk to each other about 2tuff.
24694	AA: maybe
24695	TA: why don't we piick thii2 up agaiin later when we're not feeliing 2o weiird?
24696	AA: well
24697	AA: 0k
24698	AA: ahem
24699	AA: sorry to interrupt i wanted to give you both the chance to remember but it doesnt look like this is going anywhere!
24700	TA: what the fuck?
24701	AA: w0w what
24702	AA: is it coming back yet
24703	TA: is WHAT c0ming back, wh0 ARE y0u?
24704	TA: wh0a h0ld 0n.
24705	TA: why am i talking like y0u suddenly?
24706	AA: this is a mem0ry
24707	AA: in a dream bubble
24708	AA: thats right!
24709	TA: 0h.
24710	TA: that d0esn't really answer my questi0n, but 0k.
24711	AA: y0u changed y0ur v0ice because y0u remembered
24712	AA: like i did
24713	TA: remembered what?
24714	AA: that i died
24715	AA: this is my mem0ry and als0 hers
24716	AA: but i went 0n t0 bec0me the r0b0t wh0se remains are in this crater
24717	AA: whereas she did n0t
24718	AA: i d0nt actually kn0w her st0ry 0r h0w she g0t here but f0r me this was the end 0f the r0ad
24719	AA: this is the afterlife
24720	TA: well, shit.
24721	TA: s0 then i guess i'm dead t00?
24722	AA: nope!
24723	AA: you are just asleep
24724	AA: you are also blind!
24725	TA: h0ly shit, i can't see!
24726	AA: yes thats what being blind means
24727	TA: w0w, awes0me! way t0 be awes0mely sympathetic t00 my terrible new pr0blem, aa.
24728	AA: sollux will you shut up and stop being so tragic for once
24729	AA: you knew this was going to happen! your prophecies of personal doom were practically all you ever talked about
24730	AA: i think you were looking forward to this honestly
24731	AA: shes right
24732	TA: i can't believe this, it's alm0st as if i'm getting...
24733	TA: D0UBLE TEAMED.
24734	TA: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/trollc00l.gif" border="0" />
24735	TA: damn.
24736	TA: that didn't feel right at all, i think i might have t0 retire the wh0le bifurcati0n gimmick, puns and all.
24737	TA: actually that is kind 0f a relief, maybe y0u're right, i'm feeling better ab0ut this already.
24738	AA: great!
24739	AA: you should be able to relax now that youve been released from the curse of your vision twofold just like you said youd be
24740	AA: you are now merely doomed!
24741	TA: 0h.
24742	TA: that's... awes0me?
24743	AA: being d00med isnt that bad
24744	AA: i spent m0st 0f my life that way remember
24745	AA: at least y0u have the luxury 0f understanding
24746	AA: and the best part ab0ut being d00med is y0u 0nly have t0 put up with it until y0u die
24747	AA: thats the spirit hahaha
24748	AA: actually i guess i dont have to keep talking like im doomed anymore do i
24749	AA: nope :)
24750	TA: this is s0 weird, what am i even listening t0 here.
24751	TA: 0_0
24752	TA: FUCK, i cann0t BELIEVE i just made that face.
24753	AA: hahahahaha!
24754	AA: hahahahaha!
24755	TA: g0d dammit.
24756	TA: 0h yeah, als0...
24757	TA: why the fuck are my teeth missing?
24758	AA: i
24759	AA: dont know?
24760	TA: 0k, well, great, glad we g0t t0 the fucking b0tt0m 0f that mystery.
24761	TA: myssssssstery. mystery. mySSSSthSSSStery. mysterymysterymystery.
24762	TA: man, i can't even lisp anym0re if i try.
24763	TA: please d0n't laugh, i can tell y0u are b0th enj0ying this, i can smell it using my new blind guy n0se p0wers.
24764	AA: really?
24765	TA: n0 n0t literally, i was j0king. i mean n0t YET. maybe i'll ask tz ab0ut it when i wake up th0ugh.
24766	TA: hey what was that n0ise?
24767	AA: what noise?
24768	TA: i think s0me0ne else is here.
24769	AA: oh its jade!
24770	TA: jade?? wtf.
24771	AA: whos jade
24772	AA: shes one of the humans we met after you died
24773	AA: ok
24774	AA: i guess i am out of the loop on chronology for once
24775	AA: thats fine youll catch up!
24776	GG: ummmmmm hey guys i hope im not interrupting!!!
24777	TA: well, yeah, y0u kind 0f were, s0rt 0f a reuni0n 0f cl0se departed friends g0ing 0n here, but n0 big deal i guess.
24778	GG: oh no!
24779	GG: i can leave
24780	AA: no dont!
24781	AA: sollux try to be polite
24782	AA: there is no reason at all for you to feel hostile toward them anymore
24783	AA: jade is very nice and she did nothing wrong
24784	AA: none of them did so when you wake up maybe you should try to reconcile with them or at the very least just say hello
24785	TA: did Y0U?
24786	AA: did i what
24787	TA: be nice t0 them 0r whatever bef0re y0u expl0ded.
24788	AA: well no
24789	AA: but i should have!
24790	AA: i did with you before i left didnt i
24791	TA: i guess s0.
24792	GG: :o
24793	AA: this is awkward
24794	AA: shush you!
24795	AA: what actually happened after i died it sounds complicated
24796	AA: it is!
24797	AA: ill get you up to speed i promise but guys come on lets not scare away our guest
24798	AA: ok then ill shut up
24799	AA: i think one aradia saying things is more than enough probably
24800	TA: y0u can say that again heheheheheh.
24801	TA: but i mean, d0n't say it again literally, because that's kind 0f the wh0le p0int, and w0uld c0mpletely c0ntradi...
24802	AA: oh my god shut up!
24803	GG: its ok! i can take another nap later when you guys arent busy...
24804	AA: no jade its ok
24805	AA: please stay! im curious about why you are here
24806	GG: well...
24807	GG: i have just been enjoying these little naps more and more lately!
24808	GG: each time i go to sleep i meet more new people and learn so much
24809	GG: but i still cant get karkat to take a nap, boy talk about a guy who is anti nap!
24810	TA: ahahahah, yeah, what a d0uche!
24811	GG: seeeeeriously!
24812	GG: he is the douchiest of crabby crabs who ever douched a big douchey crab
24813	TA: l0l.
24814	GG: but yeah, its been fun, i should really thank feferi again for setting it up so we could meet like this!
24815	TA: wait, ff is here?
24816	GG: yup!
24817	TA: 0h g0d, why didn't that 0ccur t0 me, where is she??
24818	GG: ummm probably in another bubble
24819	GG: but youll find her! maybe during your next nap...
24820	TA: well shit, why can't i just g0 glub ar0und 0ut there in the ring and find her n0w?
24821	TA: i mean, aside fr0m the fact that i'm blind and c0mpletely useless.
24822	AA: navigating between bubbles is difficult here
24823	AA: its better to drift between them naturally as they intersect
24824	AA: not spatially but through common points in memory
24825	AA: to navigate the furthest ring you need to have mastered the flow of time!
24826	AA: that is why i am here
24827	AA: i am alive again so i may assist the dead in this way
24828	TA: huh.
24829	AA: jade tell me
24830	AA: have you seen me here before? i mean me dressed like i am now wearing my godhood
24831	GG: yeah!
24832	GG: you were really nice and helpful
24833	TA: wait, what, y0u're wearing a g0dh00d?
24834	TA: why didn't y0u tell me that, what gives? 0r that y0u came back t0 life??
24835	AA: im wearing a hood and have butterfly wings what else would you like to know
24836	TA: man, being blind is dumb, can i like gr0pe y0u 0r s0mething t0 get up t0 date 0n y0ur appearance, w0uld that be weird?
24837	AA: yes sollux that would probably be pretty weird
24838	GG: i think your outfit looks so cute! i love your wings too
24839	AA: thank you your outfit is quite spiffy too
24840	AA: i like that skirt a lot especially
24841	AA: is
24842	AA: is that a skirt?
24843	GG: i am not sure :o
24844	TA: /R0LLING MY EYES.
24845	TA: is what i w0uld be d0ing if that were p0ssible.
24846	AA: shhh!
24847	TA: aa c0me 0n y0u were making a p0int.
24848	AA: yes ok
24849	AA: you see those encounters you had with me before have not happened for me yet because ive only just arrived
24850	AA: time follows strange paths here as does space
24851	AA: if you travel a great enough distance you may discover you are also traveling either backwards or forwards in time as well!
24852	AA: just as if you stay in one place for too long the geometry of space surrounding you will become unreliable
24853	AA: you may swat the air to your left and discover you have just slapped yourself!
24854	AA: the only way to make sense of it is to understand either property very well
24855	AA: and since i am new here i have some learning to do just like everyone else
24856	AA: but i do know one thing
24857	GG: what!
24858	AA: i knew that the first bubble i would enter would be an important one for us to visit
24859	TA: what's s0 imp0rtant ab0ut it?
24860	AA: hang on
24861	AA: we are moving on to a new memory hold that thought
24862	AA: it is important because it will help us begin to understand why we are all here
24863	TA: what d0 y0u mean why we are all here?
24864	TA: y0u mean in the afterlife? that's easy.
24865	TA: because she's asleep, she's dead, y0u're alive, and i'm blind, c0uldn't be simpler.
24866	AA: no no
24867	AA: not why we are in this bubble now
24868	AA: but why we all exist in the first place and why we all went on this adventure together
24869	TA: 0h, that.
24870	AA: there is much to understand and i believe it all begins with one sequence of events
24871	AA: watching will help those whove passed to understand the purpose of their sacrifice and those still living to understand what must be done to complete the journey still ahead
24872	AA: we will let the memories lead the way
24873	AA: are you guys ready?
24874	GG: i am ready!
24875	AA: ok lets allow the next memory to take shape
24876	AA: i believe it is kanayas
24877	AA: i will reprise my role in a conversation i had with her shortly after i discovered the ruins
24878	AA: everybody hide and try not to spoil it for her until she remembers!
24879	AA: hey kanaya
24880	AA: there is s0mething i want t0 give y0u
24881	GA: Oh Really
24882	AA: yes its s0mething very 0dd i f0und when i disc0vered the ruins the 0ther night
24883	AA: i d0nt kn0w what its arche0l0gical significance is yet but i suspect y0u will be able t0 repair it!
24884	GA: This Is A Dream Isnt It
24885	AA: 0_0
24886	AA: w0w!
24887	AA: uh i mean
24888	AA: o_o
24889	AA: wow
24890	AA: you figured that out very fast!
24891	GA: It Seemed Obvious
24892	GA: Either Im Sleeping Or Im Dead Which Is It
24893	AA: oh i am sure you are alive
24894	AA: you are unconscious now and will likely wake up as your new self very soon
24895	GA: My New Self
24896	AA: yes
24897	AA: you are undergoing a metamorphosis which you have been groomed for since you were very young
24898	AA: much like i was for my various personal iterations including this one
24899	GA: You Mean
24900	GA: Being A Ghost And Then A Frog And Then A Robot And Then A Fairy
24901	AA: yes!
24902	AA: but it sure sounds silly when you list them all like that
24903	GA: Kind Of
24904	GA: What Do You Mean We Have Been Groomed
24905	AA: wellllll
24906	AA: that is what we are about to find out!
24907	AA: if you will oblige us by continuing with this memory
24908	GA: Okay
24909	GA: What Do I Do
24910	AA: why dont we go through this conversation again to the best of our recollection
24911	AA: but i guess rather than acting it out we can just talk about it
24912	AA: the old fashioned way
24913	GA: Was What We Were Attempting Before Not Old Fashioned
24914	AA: i have no idea
24915	GA: It Seems To Me The Nature Of The Afterlife Is Probably Very Old Fashioned
24916	GA: Maybe Even The Most Old Fashioned A Thing Can Get
24917	AA: haha yeah you know what i mean though
24918	GA: Yes Then
24919	GA: This Was When You Were About To Give Me That Unusual Gift From The Ruins
24920	AA: yes
24921	AA: i then had sollux deliver the pieces to you so you could stitch it back up
24922	AA: sollux that is your cue!
24923	AA: come out and play the part
24924	TA: s0 we d0n't have t0 hide anym0re?
24925	AA: no of course not!
24926	AA: obviously the jig is up everyone can come out now
24927	GG: yay!
24928	TA: s0 like,
24929	TA: 0k s0 i'm supp0sed t0 act 0ut what i did bef0re, when i br0ught her these shitty d0ll parts, is that's what's g0ing 0n here?
24930	GA: Yeah Im Still Not Sure Aradia Are We Supposed To Be Role Playing
24931	AA: no guys come on this isnt that complicated!
24932	AA: we are just revisiting the past just like we would if we were talking about it
24933	AA: but it just so happens we can watch it happen as we talk about it
24934	AA: and as a matter of fact
24935	AA: this story does involve a role playing game but not in that way!
24936	TA: thith ith kinb 0f thtupib.
24937	AA: youre stupid and you sound stupid!
24938	TA: h0py thith, i b0 th0unb thtupib.
24939	TA: why the fuckth ith by b0uth fthull 0f all thethe theeth subbenly?
24940	AA: i dont know o_o
24941	AA: but you maaay be waking up soon
24942	TA: 0h, 0k, greath, th0 i will mithth the retht 0f the c00l tht0ry, 0k.
24943	AA: maybe not if we hurry this along!
24944	GG: wait! before we do...
24945	GG: hi kanaya! it is nice to meet you
24946	GA: Hi Jade
24947	GA: Uh
24948	GA: What Is That Thing Youre Wearing
24949	GG: you dont like it???
24950	GA: No I Didnt Mean To Sound Disapproving
24951	GA: But I Do Think More Colorful Apparel Suits You Better
24952	GG: yes i know you told me!
24953	GA: I Did
24954	GG: yes but you probably havent yet
24955	GG: not from your perspective..... i could not help but overhear you are asleep now
24956	GG: you told me all about what happened after you woke up!
24957	GA: About What
24958	GG: about how you turned into a vampire
24959	GA: Whats A Vampire
24960	TA: thith ith ribicul0uth.
24961	AA: thollux is right
24962	AA: i mean sollux
24963	AA: kanaya tell us what happened next!
24964	GA: There Isnt Much To Say
24965	GA: I Repaired The Doll And Made Him A Nice Outfit
24966	GA: With A Far More Becoming Palette And Fit Than The Absurd Tatters He Was Found In
24967	GA: I Thought At Least
24968	AA: yes
24969	GA: Uh
24970	GA: Should There Be Anything Else To This Story
24971	AA: not really!
24972	GG: isnt that daves puppet?
24973	AA: yes
24974	GG: :\
24975	TA: aw sthith, i guethth i'm 0utha here.
24976	AA: bye sollux
24977	TA: thee y0u lather eberyb0by.
24978	GG: bye!
24979	GA: Anyway That Is All I Can Remember
24980	GA: I Quickly Began To Find The Doll Unnerving So I Put Him Away
24981	GA: To My Knowledge He Has Remained Secure In My Block Ever Since
24982	GA: Is He Relevant In Some Way
24983	GG: guys why do you have daves puppet?
24984	GG: what is going on here!
24985	GA: Yes Aradia It Seems You Have Some Foreknowledge Of This Narrative Maybe You Can Tell Us Why Any Of This Is Important
24986	AA: this is only a piece of the story
24987	AA: the other pieces will fall into place with successive memories and it will all become clear
24988	AA: but yes alright i will eliminate some suspense and try to serve as a better guide on this tour through the catacombs of our collective subconscious
24989	AA: the separate tunnels we once traveled in the dark as individuals we now retrace together with a torch
24990	AA: on the walls we illuminate the runes which describe a convoluted origin story
24991	AA: an origin we participated in
24992	AA: we were spurred to these actions by that which was being originated
24993	AA: and incited to acts of revenge as we were turned against each other
24994	AT: i DON'T REMEMBER THIS,
24995	AT: i MEAN,
24996	AT: i REMEMBER GETTING JUMPED OFF THE CLIFF BY MY LEGS,
24997	AT: bUT NOT THE THING i'M DOING NOW,
24998	AA: no
24999	AA: our manipulator disguised his tracks well
25000	AT: dO i,
25001	AT: hAVE TO LIE ON THE FLOOR LIKE THIS,
25002	AT: iS THAT IMPORTANT,
25003	AA: no tavros you can get up
25004	AT: aLSO,
25005	AT: cAN WE, oR AT LEAST i, bE NOT IN THIS MEMORY,
25006	AT: bECAUSE,
25007	AT: iT'S ONE THAT'S NOT AS GREAT AS MOST,
25008	AA: we will leave it soon
25009	AA: but you were doing something very important here
25010	AT: wHAT WAS i DOING,
25011	AA: writing a part of the code
25012	AA: an incomplete fragment consisting of four symbols
25013	AA: comprising the first word of a binary refrain
25014	AA: a pair of sounds emerging from the belly of a fabled tyrants menace
25015	AA: but you authored only one sound of the pair
25016	AA: i would write the other
25017	AA: in the soot of my ruined hive i scrawled my part of the code
25018	AA: completing the phrase of legend
25019	AA: the persisting sounds said to accompany the ultimate demise of the tyrant less an arm and an eye
25020	AA: but even these eight characters
25021	AA: the scrawlings of charge
25022	AA: were still but half the code
25023	AA: there was another half by scourge in two parts
25024	AA: one part three symbols
25025	AA: and the other
25026	AA: five
25027	AA: why the scale was tipped in this way between sisters
25028	AA: i cannot say!
25029	AA: each fragment would be transcribed in our rulebooks
25030	AA: sealing the collaboration between rust bloods and blue bloods
25031	AA: completing the code for our sessions architect
25032	AA: not exactly
25033	AA: there was another fragment
25034	AA: oh?
25035	AA: yes
25036	AA: an additional eight symbols
25037	AA: from a wild card source i suppose
25038	AA: it came from a timeline not meant to happen
25039	AA: the one i came from to ensure it wouldnt
25040	AA: thus sealing my fate
25041	AA: i believed the fragment was gibberish from a lunatic
25042	AA: after completing his rampage through our session
25043	AA: since it was not part of the scripted chronology i was oblivious until it was too late to stop it
25044	AA: not that it would matter if i did the timeline had already gone astray
25045	AA: i pieced together what had happened by sleuthing the various scenes
25046	AA: and discovered the text which the code was recorded in
25047	AA: i decided to return to the alpha timeline with the text
25048	AA: as evidence for his madness i guess
25049	AA: in the alpha timeline this text was destroyed
25050	AA: in an explosion caused by a computer virus
25051	AA: this explosion did not take place on my timeline
25052	AA: i identified this event as the difference prompting the offshoot
25053	AA: and returned to our planet via the reckoning just as i did at the end of my life
25054	AA: though that time deliberately
25055	AA: to influence events quietly to make sure it happened
25056	AA: and later joined the rest of our doomed selves to help defeat the king
25057	AA: the others surely had similar responsibilities along the way
25058	AA: as for the book
25059	AA: i lost track of it shortly after i arrived
25060	AA: yes we all lost track of our books
25061	AA: they were gathered surreptitiously by agents assigned to the task
25062	AA: and in the veil their codes were merged with the ghost imprints of other mysterious artifacts
25063	AA: our first guardian was brought to life on the seed to pass through skaias final gate of defense
25064	AA: the first to find alternia
25065	You once again try to be Doc Scratch, and fail spectacularly. You can't be him no matter how hard you try. It is impossible.
25066	[In fact, I think it would be for the best if I commandeered the narrative completely for a while. I trust you won't mind if I speak in white. It's not actually negotiable, but as a courtesy I will enclose my words between a pair of visually audible brackets.
25067	I am doing this because I can.]
25068	[I am also doing it because I am expecting a guest to arrive shortly. This should enable me to show the man the sort of hospitality he deserves, while doing the same for you.
25069	My apartment doesn't have a doorbell. Why would an omniscient fellow need to be alerted to the presence of a visitor? I know he will be right on time. Which is to say, early. And if I did have a doorbell, you would have just witnessed it ring.
25070	He is already here.]
25071	[My door is not fitted with a peephole either. Those without eyes or without limits to their knowledge have no need for peeping, and I am without either. I have never once peeped at or through something, and I doubt I ever will.
25072	Apertures built into physical surfaces to reveal what's hidden behind them are for those with particular handicaps. They are for those lacking advanced vision to render the opaque permeable to light, or those lacking advanced knowledge to render the concealed information irrelevant, or both. They are for people who I call suckers.
25073	I know the identity of anyone who stands behind this door, even in those cases where I have not extended an invitation to the visitor personally. Pardon me while I let Jack inside.]
25074	[Did you not believe it would be Jack? Who else would it be? Someone who would have suspected anyone else is a person I would also describe as a sucker.
25075	Haa haa.
25076	Hee hee.
25077	Hoo hoo.
25078	Hello, Slick. Won't you please ent...]
25079	[Oh for heaven's sake.]
25080	[Jack. Stop it.
25081	Jack.
25082	Slick?
25083	Which would you prefer I call you? It's one of the strange points of uncertainty which surrounds you. Maybe it is that you don't particularly care. Your flair is for the plain and serviceable, isn't it? Not much of your vanity is tied up in a name, I'd guess.
25084	Not going to tell me? Fine, I won't tell you my name either.
25085	Well, I might. If you would just show some manners and stop hitting me with that ridiculous horse hitcher. I won't crack no matter how senseless the drubbing. If only it were that simple.
25086	You're not going to stop, are you. It will be very difficult to discuss our points of mutual interest like this. I was prepared to go about it in a civilized way, even though I knew very well I would spend the first several minutes of our meeting sitting on the floor while being flogged. I have even prepared a bowl of candy for you, which I know you will enjoy. Courtesy is important, Jack.
25087	Do you have anything at all to say? Any form of communication you care to attempt beyond the sound iron makes against my head repeatedly?
25088	No, of course not.]
25089	[What's that? I see. You think you already know my name. You do not know my real name, Jack, just as none of your adversaries on this planet know yours. You only know my nickname.
25090	It's a good nickname too. Befitting of the passive gunslinger charged with initiating the break. I am my master's weapon. His soldier in a war of one bullet fired. But when that bullet clears the barrel, it won't be my finger on the trigger. I'm a facilitator, not an assassin.]
25091	[Here.
25092	Jack, why don't you go help yourself to some candy over there on the table? There is something I need to take care of before we continue. I won't be long.]
25093	[Yes, good. Placate yourself with the scottie dogs, Slick. My supply is bottomless. I am an excellent host.]
25094	[When I am finished with this minor interruption, we will resume our gentlemanly negotiation. I will proceed to beat you severely until you agree to do what I ask. I trust you won't take it personally.]
25095	[Now please excuse me. I have to talk to a teenage girl from another universe.]
25096	You cannot be a teenage girl from another universe, because you are too busy being a teenage girl from this universe. You are busy being Rose Lalonde. Completely preoccupied with it, in fact.
25097	So preoccupied, you have been neglecting messages from some of your friends who are trying to contact you. But you have a lot of important stuff to do. You will get back to them later.
25098	TT: It's quite warm here on Lohac.
25099	TT: I think I've been patient enough.
25100	TT: When will I receive further instruction?
25101	Now.
25102	TT: So,
25103	TT: I could have contacted you at any time?
25104	No.
25105	Only now.
25106	TT: I came away with the impression from our last conversation that our next would take place on your invitation.
25107	TT: I was being polite by waiting.
25108	Your inevitable impatience caused you to contact me again.
25109	Inevitability is my invitation.
25110	TT: That's pretty smug.
25111	I am right to be smug. I am omniscient, extremely powerful, and very charming.
25112	TT: Well,
25113	TT: Two out of three isn't bad.
25114	TT: Can you use your limitless intelligence to figure out which ones I mean?
25115	That was clever.
25116	If I plead ignorance to the fact that you are denying my charisma, it invalidates my claim of omniscience.
25117	But if I must adhere to my all knowing status, it forces me to validate the unfortunate reality that you are feigning the opinion that my demeamor is unpalatable.
25118	Not that it matters, because I have all three qualities and you know it.
25119	TT: This is stupid.
25120	TT: Could we get to the point?
25121	Yes, I was about to say.
25122	We should hurry this along. My visitor is beginning to set things on fire.
25123	TT: You have a visitor?
25124	TT: Who?
25125	Some guy.
25126	I was joking anyway. I am not in a hurry at all.
25127	TT: You tell jokes?
25128	Yes.
25129	Haa haa.
25130	TT: So, your visitor isn't setting anything on fire then?
25131	Oh, he most definitely is.
25132	Hee hee.
25133	TT: I'm really not getting this joke.
25134	I was joking about being in a hurry.
25135	From my perspective, this conversation is taking place in less than one second.
25136	I type very quickly.
25137	Hoo hoo.
25138	TT: I thought you didn't lie.
25139	TT: Aren't jokes essentially humorous lies?
25140	TT: At least, those like the one you just attempted.
25141	Jokes are only temporary lies.
25142	If the falsehood is never exposed, there is no punchline. If the punchline is never delivered, the lie is sealed forever, regardless of initial humorous intent. Lies are not funny.
25143	TT: I think if you're going to risk tarnishing your record of honesty, you should probably get better material.
25144	My joke was objectively funny. Who would know better than I?
25145	TT: Ok.
25146	TT: So you're saying an inaccurate statement doesn't count as a lie, as long as you say "just kidding" later?
25147	Basically.
25148	TT: What if it's much later? Is it still "just a joke?"
25149	No, that would be something closer to a prank.
25150	I don't play pranks very often.
25151	TT: Are you allowed to lie about playing pranks? If I asked you if you were playing a prank on me, would you tell the truth?
25152	I am allowed to do whatever I want. I choose never to lie. I also choose to tell jokes now and then, and to play pranks quite sparingly.
25153	But I can say that I have never played a prank on you, and no statement I have made to you thus far, or will make in this conversation, will contain any trace of falsehood for the sake of setting up a joke or a prank, with the exception of the joke I just made, and another one I will make very soon.
25154	TT: I'm starting to change my mind.
25155	Oh?
25156	TT: Yes. I think your joke was funny in retrospect. Actually, your whole shtick is pretty good. I'm warming up to it.
25157	Yes. I knew it.
25158	TT: Just to be clear,
25159	TT: Was the assurance you just made a prank or a joke?
25160	It was neither. It was the truth.
25161	TT: Was that?
25162	Yes.
25163	TT: The truth?
25164	Yes.
25165	TT: Ok.
25166	TT: Were you serious about wanting to die?
25167	Yes.
25168	TT: Why?
25169	I'll tell you later.
25170	TT: Why?
25171	Because you asked.
25172	TT: But why not now?
25173	Because that piece of information would not fit elegantly into the sequence of our exchange at this moment.
25174	TT: Then you know how this entire conversation will go?
25175	Yes.
25176	TT: Is that true of all conversations you have?
25177	Yes. Until, briefly, I don't. But the dark spots never last long. The truth disguises itself to me sometimes which can be mildly frustrating, but it usually reveals itself quickly, much as if a punchline was delivered. It's a humorous dialogue I have with reality, and it is very amusing.
25178	TT: Then why do you bother with the conversations? Obligation to predestination, as usual?
25179	There is no obligation.
25180	It's a pleasure.
25181	TT: It is?
25182	I've always had a soft spot for young ladies.
25183	TT: Hmm.
25184	TT: That's a little creepy.
25185	No it's not.
25186	TT: Yes it is.
25187	No it's not.
25188	TT: It kind of is.
25189	I have looked into the future and determined that we would continue in this manner pointlessly for some time, so I am putting an end to it here.
25190	TT: That doesn't make sense.
25191	TT: Was that the other joke?
25192	Yes.
25193	TT: Heh. Good one.
25194	Thank you.
25195	TT: How young are the ladies you typically take a shining to?
25196	TT: And does this mean you are attracted to me?
25197	TT: Suddenly this conversation is kind of terrible.
25198	Of course I am not. Not in the way you mean.
25199	And anyway, you are applying standards of conduct frowned upon for your kind which make no sense to apply to me.
25200	I am an immortal entity with a large cue ball for a head, and no biological means of reproduction.
25201	TT: ...
25202	TT: Really.
25203	Also, if you were millions of years old, you would find that nearly every lady you encounter is quite young, relatively speaking.
25204	There should be no reason for you to feel uncomfortable with this interaction. Try to think of me as one of your kindly human uncle figures.
25205	In fact, if I were in your presence now, I would offer you candy to prove it.
25206	TT: Oh my god.
25207	What?
25208	TT: Can we talk about the scratch instead of this?
25209	Yes.
25210	You are situated near the game construct supplied by your session for causing the Scratch, yes?
25211	TT: Are you actually asking?
25212	No.
25213	That was a fact, and then a question mark.
25214	TT: Ah.
25215	TT: Well, yes, I am.
25216	TT: It's a large plateau shaped like a record. It's called the Beat Mesa.
25217	I know.
25218	TT: Is the game construct different in other sessions?
25219	Yes.
25220	It will always be an edifice of similarly cryptic design, located on the planet that is home to the Hero of Time.
25221	Its environment dictates the nature of its construction. Its power is dangerous, and is meant to be utilized only in emergencies such as yours.
25222	TT: You mean, in sessions where victory is no longer possible?
25223	Yes.
25224	TT: Due to creating an unstoppable adversary? Who triggers the reckoning prematurely?
25225	TT: Is that sort of emergency common?
25226	No.
25227	Failure is common. But the composition of yours is quite atypical.
25228	TT: Ok.
25229	TT: Then, it's like a panic button for the players to push once they realize the cause is lost.
25230	Yes, but causing the Scratch is not an easy task either.
25231	The construct must be destroyed in a very specific way to release its energy.
25232	The keeper of my ectobiological father began the process.
25233	It must be finished.
25234	TT: Who?
25235	The guardian of the Knight of Time.
25236	TT: Dave's bro?
25237	Yes.
25238	TT: How do I finish it?
25239	You don't.
25240	Not you personally. Another will. You have something more important to attend to, remember?
25241	TT: Oh, right.
25242	TT: The Green...
25243	TT: Wait.
25244	TT: The <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/greensun.gif" border="0" />.
25245	Yes.
25246	TT: I'd planned to take care of that later, once John had retrieved the Tumor.
25247	Tumor.
25248	TT: Whatever.
25249	Your plan will have to change.
25250	You aren't ready to cause the Scratch yet.
25251	Like I said, it's difficult.
25252	TT: What will the one who does it have to do? I should let them know.
25253	He will have to scratch the surface of the plateau across its full diameter.
25254	TT: I see.
25255	TT: This terminology can be very literal sometimes.
25256	You will require a certain needle to create a breach in the surface that will be adequate.
25257	TT: I have needles.
25258	Your needles won't suffice.
25259	TT: Then where do I get ones that will?
25260	Again, you won't. This task is out of your hands.
25261	The needles must be acquired from the denizen of the Witch of Space.
25262	Her quills are very large and potent. They will be able to cause the Scratch.
25263	TT: This really seems more elaborate than you lead me to believe.
25264	I didn't lead you to believe anything.
25265	I told you to find the construct and await advisement on the Scratch. The plans you were making were based on assumptions and fabrications of your imagination. You were writing more stories, much like those about your false magical men.
25266	TT: I wish what I'd written in my private journals could be confined to your dark spots.
25267	I don't. I find your stories entertaining.
25268	TT: You're being creepy again.
25269	No I'm not.
25270	Besides, the White King agrees with me.
25271	TT: What?
25272	For a Seer, your vision of events surrounding you is rather limited. It's charming.
25273	TT: Just,
25274	TT: Please stop complimenting me.
25275	No.
25276	TT: Fine.
25277	TT: Then please at least try to sound more sarcastic when you do it.
25278	Oh sure, I am really going to do that. Yes, very likely.
25279	TT: ...
25280	TT: Then the Scratch will be implemented later, by either John or Dave I presume?
25281	TT: You used a male pronoun.
25282	Yes.
25283	TT: I guess it makes sense that it would happen later. My understanding is that Jack will not be banished from this session until near the end of the reckoning.
25284	Yes, Jack will exit your session later, but this has nothing to do with the Scratch.
25285	Not directly, as you imply.
25286	TT: I don't understand.
25287	TT: I thought that was the point of the Scratch, to open a rift in spacetime as it were, and banish him into the trolls' session.
25288	No.
25289	That is not the purpose of the Scratch at all. The Scratch does not open a rift in spacetime.
25290	TT: Hmm.
25291	TT: Then why have you directed me to cause it?
25292	TT: Does it have something to do with enabling you to die?
25293	No. Not directly.
25294	The Scratch has nothing more to do with my death than any other single event ultimately contributing to my demise.
25295	TT: I think it's disingenuous for you to behave as if I have not been misled.
25296	TT: You say you don't lie, but what about lies of omission?
25297	Lies of omission do not exist.
25298	The concept is a very human one. It is the product of your story writing again. You have written a story about the truth, making emotional demands of it, and in particular, of those in possession of it.
25299	Your demands are based on a feeling of entitlement to the facts, which is very childish. You can never know all of the facts. Only I can.
25300	And since it's impossible for me to reveal all facts to you, it is my discretion alone that decides which facts will be revealed in the finite time we have.
25301	If I do not volunteer information you deem critical to your fate, it possibly means that I am a scoundrel, but it does not mean that I am a liar. And it certainly means you did not ask the right questions.
25302	One can make either true statements or false statements about reality. All of the statements I make are true.
25303	TT: Unless you're joking.
25304	Yes.
25305	TT: Haa haa, hee hee, hoo hoo?
25306	Exactly.
25307	TT: Then I guess I'll start asking better questions.
25308	Good.
25309	I will make a Seer of you yet.
25310	TT: Will you?
25311	Yes.
25312	You can start by shoring up the reliability of your sources. You proceeded to question me believing you understood the purpose of the Scratch. You received your information about it from trolls. I assure you that in most ways, the trolls are as confused about everything as you are.
25313	TT: Ok. Noted.
25314	TT: What exactly does the Scratch do, then?
25315	It resets the game.
25316	TT: Oh.
25317	TT: That's it?
25318	Yes.
25319	TT: Then,
25320	TT: We all start from the beginning again? When John entered?
25321	No.
25322	The release of temporal energy will be quite massive.
25323	This is a hard reset. It will reboot the conditions in your universe well before you began playing the game.
25324	You will have lived different lives after the reset. The different initial conditions will ideally lead to a more favorable scenario in the new session.
25325	Unfortunately, you will have no memory of anything that has happened in the session you are in now.
25326	TT: What will happen to us? Everyone in this session now?
25327	You will all cease to exist completely if you remain here during the Scratch.
25328	TT: This seems familiar.
25329	TT: It reminds me of when Dave and I were trapped in the doomed timeline, and he left to change the past.
25330	TT: The timeline ceased to exist, along with my dream self, who in a way became merged with my dream self of this timeline. I kept some of her memories.
25331	TT: Is the situation similar?
25332	Similar, but more severe.
25333	Since this timeline will undergo such a violent upheaval, such a merger of memory cannot happen.
25334	You will be resigned to absolute oblivion.
25335	Unless you can discover a way to preserve yourselves.
25336	But it's not really my place to advise you on that.
25337	After you have dealt with the Scratch and the sun, what happens to you is not any of my business.
25338	TT: Then can you at least tell me if we will be successful in preserving ourselves after the reset?
25339	I don't particularly enjoy spoiling things for people when unnecessary.
25340	I find speaking in a discreet color helps avoid this.
25341	TT: So if the Scratch isn't specifically meant to banish Jack from the session,
25342	TT: And our quest to destroy the sun is meant to kill him,
25343	TT: Why is the reset necessary at all, especially if it means oblivion for us?
25344	Because you cannot achieve the ultimate reward in this session.
25345	Your battlefield is cancerous, and the reckoning will destroy it prematurely regardless.
25346	By resetting, you will create a session which can bear the fruit of a new universe, even if you will not be the ones to claim the reward.
25347	Don't you want to fulfill your purpose?
25348	TT: I guess.
25349	TT: But it's a little disheartening to learn I'm now faced with not one, but two suicide missions at once.
25350	TT: One to destroy Jack's power source and defend all of existence, and another to ensure our cosmic progeny at the price of oblivion.
25351	That frames the dual objectives accurately.
25352	But if you are inventive, you may find a way to survive the reset and participate in the renewed session.
25353	It's up to you.
25354	Just as it's up to you to face the decision to claim immortality before you enter your creation.
25355	TT: Immortality?
25356	Yes.
25357	TT: Do you mean ascending to the god tier?
25358	Yes.
25359	TT: I have reason to believe that I won't.
25360	TT: The trolls have not indicated I will die on my Quest Bed, or that any of us will aside from John. Instead I've been given a more troubling and ambiguous forecast.
25361	What have I said about confirming the reliability of your sources?
25362	TT: Are you saying I will?
25363	No.
25364	TT: Oh.
25365	TT: Well, will I?
25366	It seems you'd like me to do some more fortune telling.
25367	TT: Fine.
25368	TT: Maybe this question will suit you better.
25369	TT: Is it probable?
25370	That's a strange question to ask someone who is omniscient and therefore knows outcomes with one hundred percent certainty.
25371	I like it.
25372	TT: Then what's your answer?
25373	You have exactly a fifty percent chance of ascending to the god tier.
25374	TT: That's a strange answer.
25375	I know.
25376	TT: Why such a precise probability?
25377	Because, much like the decisions you must face to complete your dual suicide missions, you have two ways of achieving godhood to choose from.
25378	TT: Two ways?
25379	TT: By dying on the Quest Bed on my planet, and some other way?
25380	Yes.
25381	TT: Is there another Quest Bed somewhere?
25382	Yes. Good guess, Seer.
25383	TT: Where?
25384	What difference does it make? You already know where the first one is. You have the choice to go there right now and take your own life.
25385	TT: That's true.
25386	Of course it is.
25387	TT: You mentioned immortality.
25388	TT: Godhood makes one immortal?
25389	Yes.
25390	TT: A god tier will live forever, with no caveats?
25391	No.
25392	One will live forever, unless killed.
25393	The death must be either heroic or just.
25394	TT: How are those terms defined?
25395	Broadly, mysteriously, and according to the case of the individual.
25396	One may be killed by opposing a corrupt adversary and die for a just cause, as through martyrdom, for instance. This would be heroic.
25397	Or one may be subject to corruption, and slain by a hero. This would be just.
25398	TT: Which sort of death will you have when I destroy the sun?
25399	Neither. I'm not a god.
25400	I'm a guardian, a servant, and a weapon.
25401	I have power and knowledge far surpassing a god.
25402	But I am not one.
25403	TT: Is this when you are going to tell me why you want to die?
25404	Yes.
25405	TT: I sense it's not just because you're getting bored with immortality.
25406	That's good. Your vision is becoming clearer.
25407	TT: Then why?
25408	My master can't enter this universe until I am killed.
25409	Such is the nature of the break.
25410	TT: That almost sounds like martyrdom. Are you sure it won't be a hero's death?
25411	Quite sure.
25412	My master is a very evil man.
25413	TT: Who is he?
25414	I won't tell you his name.
25415	But he goes by the title, L<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/o.gif" border="0" />rd English.
25416	TT: This doesn't sound like an especially admirable objective. Releasing an evil man, who is presumably more powerful than you, an already omnipotent being.
25417	TT: Am I right?
25418	You are right about both. It is not admirable, and he is considerably more powerful.
25419	But you must decide which objective is more important.
25420	You may decide to attempt to destroy the sun and end my life. This will neutralize Jack, who is also much more powerful and dangerous than myself by virtue of the ring he wears in addition to drawing energy from the same sun as I. He poses a significant threat to reality.
25421	TT: But in the process of killing him and you, I release your master, who is just as deadly?
25422	He's more deadly.
25423	But the danger he poses is sanctioned by paradox space.
25424	It is a known quantity. His very existence in a universe will mean it will inevitably be torn apart.
25425	But there are rules to his entry, and his grim procession through paradox space is rather orderly. The present equilibrium has accounted for him, and will continue to.
25426	Jack however is a loose cannon. He will not stop until he destroys everything he encounters.
25427	Additionally, his existence is your responsibility.
25428	TT: Then I guess I don't have a choice.
25429	You do.
25430	But also know this.
25431	Refusing to venture out to destroy the sun in no way spares anyone from my master regardless.
25432	It is certainly true that destroying it will end my life.
25433	And it is certainly true that The Tumor you will deliver to its location has enough power to destroy it completely.
25434	But it is not the only way to kill me.
25435	It is simply a way I have suggested to you, which doubles as a way to disarm Jack, should you choose to go through with it.
25436	Instances of myself have spawned in countless universes, and my objective is always the same.
25437	I have never once failed to complete this objective, and I never will.
25438	There is nothing noble about taking a course of action you believe would prevent his arrival, because that is impossible.
25439	He will come.
25440	In fact, he is already here.
25441	TT: Are you saying that I will succeed in the mission to destroy the sun?
25442	Are you asking for another palm reading?
25443	TT: ...
25444	You seem rather keen on acquiring a fortune from me considering you are the one with the crystal ball.
25445	TT: I'm just trying to ask as many questions as I can. It's the only way to find the dark spots in your obstinacy.
25446	I've been very helpful. And I will continue to be.
25447	I myself do not care to be an oracle. But I can graciously supply you with one.
25448	TT: Can you?
25449	An eager consort has brought you one of my seeds. It appears you have amassed followers who wish to please you. How fortuitous.
25450	TT: Your seeds?
25451	The white orb.
25452	TT: Oh. The cue ball. How did I not notice this?
25453	It will accurately answer any question a curious girl can pose.
25454	Provided she can see through the surface to read its reply.
25455	TT: Hmm.
25456	TT: Is that possible?
25457	Is it, Seer?
25458	Given your title and all the tools of prognostication at your disposal, it seems to me I should be the one asking you the questions.
25459	TT: How can I see through it?
25460	It seems you weren't listening, so I will state this again in the form of a question.
25461	Don't you think I should be asking the questions from now on?
25462	TT: Yes, if you wanted to be disingenuous and irritating.
25463	Don't you think a clever person should be able to acquire information from someone who only asks questions?
25464	TT: Then it's a challenge!
25465	TT: I pass.
25466	Do you have a choice? What if I'm feeling a bit stubborn?
25467	TT: Ok, so what you mean is I should continue humoring your leading questions until you happen to ask certain rhetorical questions that contain information I need.
25468	Was that a question?
25469	TT: That was a fact, and then a period.
25470	How does a Seer see?
25471	TT: ...
25472	TT: With a crystal ball?
25473	TT: I already considered that. I don't think I can get the focus of the ball to "zoom in" tight enough on the cue ball's enclosure to read the answers.
25474	How else does she see?
25475	TT: By other magical means, I guess.
25476	TT: Should I use magic?
25477	Do you believe in magic?
25478	TT: Magic is real.
25479	TT: I've been using it.
25480	Are you sure?
25481	TT: Use whatever word you want to describe it. I have magic wands, they are very powerful, and they allow me to be magic. Your questions are silly.
25482	What makes you convinced the wands are responsible for your abilities?
25483	TT: Because I did not have the abilities before I made them.
25484	Could this be circumstantial?
25485	TT: Could it?
25486	Is there an echo?
25487	TT: Is there an echo?
25488	Hee hee?
25489	TT: I don't know what you're getting at.
25490	TT: How about another leading question?
25491	What did you combine to make those wands?
25492	TT: Some stuff.
25493	Knitting needles?
25494	An inexpensive figurine of some fictional fellow with long whiskers?
25495	A simple textbook on the zoologically dubious?
25496	Why would this mundane combination of objects grant a child such an alarming mastery over dark forces all at once?
25497	TT: I'm guessing this is one of the rhetorical questions meant to be informative.
25498	TT: So then, my answer should affirm how ridiculous that sounds, shouldn't it?
25499	Maybe?
25500	TT: That wasn't even a question.
25501	Yes it was?
25502	TT: Ok. Magic is fake, the wands are useless toys, and there is something else going on. Next question???
25503	Would it be so difficult to believe the power you've found to devastate your planet and create shortcuts through your session is not entirely by your own device?
25504	Would it be so difficult to believe a young lady could be unwittingly apprenticed by more powerful entities who meant her potential to be realized later through some arbitrary trigger?
25505	What would you say if I said a dutiful girl raised in the daylight was protected by a bulb-headed guardian, and learned to glow in the dark after death?
25506	What would you say if I said a vengeful boy on a path of nihilism was taken under the wings of fearsome angels, and learned to destroy hope with their light?
25507	What would you say if I said a reserved girl enamored by what dwelt in shadow was selected by the horrorterrors for service, and did their bidding at every step while convinced of her own autonomy?
25508	TT: What would I say to those short fables?
25509	TT: Not much, except I gather the third is a story about me, and that there's a lesson you'd like me to take from it.
25510	TT: That I should renounce my "allegiance" before my grimdark corruption is absolute.
25511	TT: And while I'm at it, I should discard these useless wands, because apparently the power was in my little black heart all along. Is that right?
25512	Won't you have to give up your specibus to the one who causes the Scratch regardless?
25513	How else will the young man wield that great big needle?
25514	TT: I don't know! If you say so.
25515	Haven't your friends already shown concern for your recklessness and your increasing sense of detachment from the party, the team objectives, and not to mention those of your personal quest?
25516	Does this worry you? Is there a part of you left that's able to worry?
25517	TT: Yes. It has been mysteriously localized to my middle finger. Could the dark magics be at work AGAIN?!
25518	Do you deny that you have been neglecting incoming messages from your teammates? Would that be in keeping with the spirit of the human emotion of friendship for one whose soul was not so befouled by the designs of unknowable monstrosities?
25519	TT: Friendship isn't an emotion, numbnuts.
25520	Isn't it, Rose?
25521	Isn't it?
25522	TT: I've been busy. I'll get back to them.
25523	TT: And can we please stop doing the patronizing question thing?
25524	TT: In exchange I promise I will discontinue my patronizing responses.
25525	Can the omniscient be patronized?
25526	TT: The omniscipotent can do whatever they please. I guess I'm just asking you nicely to do me this favor.
25527	Very well. I will stop smothering you with surprise noodles.
25528	TT: Huh?
25529	But only because I find you to be adorable.
25530	TT: So creepy.
25531	So cute.
25532	TT: Yuck.
25533	I am going to ask the same question I asked earlier.
25534	Please do not regard it as a violation of my pledge. It is just an ordinary question, like those that crop up in an ordinary conversation.
25535	TT: Ok.
25536	How does a Seer see?
25537	TT: I don't know.
25538	Be literal.
25539	TT: With her eyes?
25540	Take the orb.
25541	Ask it a question.
25542	TT: I don't know what to ask anymore.
25543	TT: I'm confused.
25544	What would you ask me?
25545	TT: I would ask what should I do next.
25546	Then ask.
25547	TT: What should I do next?
25548	Not me.
25549	The ball, dunkass.
25550	TT: Sorry for the delayed response.
25551	TT: Answering seems to be what to do right now.
25552	GG: rose jeez!!!
25553	GG: finally
25554	GG: you sure seem to be absorbed in whatever youre doing on that computer...
25555	GG: were you talking to someone?
25556	TT: Oh, right. I forgot I gave you the code for the crystal ball.
25557	TT: And here I was thinking I could safely delay responding to messages without seeming like an ass, the way it usually works.
25558	TT: Oops.
25559	GG: oh no no i dont blame you for not responding!
25560	GG: you must be very upset
25561	GG: are you ok?
25562	TT: Why would I be upset?
25563	GG: um
25564	GG: because
25565	GG: uhhh i figured you would have found out by now but i guess you still dont know?
25566	TT: Know what?
25567	GG: about...
25568	GG: johns dad
25569	GG: and.......
25570	GG: your mom :(
25571	GG: rose?
25572	GG: hello???
25573	GG: oh noo :'(
25574	GG: rose please say something
25575	GG: you are making me nervous...
25576	TT: I should have gone looking for her.
25577	TT: Why didn't I?
25578	GG: umm
25579	GG: because you were busy trying to make the best of this situation?
25580	TT: John was too. But he went to look for his father.
25581	TT: It would have been normal of me. I can't remember what I was trying to prove anymore.
25582	GG: i dont think you should be so hard on yourself about it
25583	GG: john was being john, and you were being you, which i guess meant taking our problems very seriously and putting all your attention on solving them!
25584	GG: and anyway, you and your mom had a much trickier relationship than john and his dad didnt you?
25585	GG: i mean, not that i am saying that means you were any less attached to her than him...
25586	GG: argh, i dont know if im very good at consoling people. sorry rose i dont want to make you feel worse :(
25587	TT: You're doing fine.
25588	TT: For someone raised by a dog.
25589	TT: Or really,
25590	TT: Anyone.
25591	TT: Thanks.
25592	GG: whew, ok
25593	GG: you know...
25594	GG: now we have all lost guardians
25595	GG: dave lost his, and i lost mine in a weird way... uuum even though that was pretty much definitely my fault :\
25596	GG: and even the trolls all lost their monster guardians
25597	GG: i think that maybe it is an inevitable part of a game that can be cruel sometimes
25598	TT: For some reason, despite all the danger, I never thought she was in any trouble.
25599	TT: I never believed she would actually die.
25600	TT: I grew up with the feeling that something more significant had always been meant for her.
25601	TT: That she was a heroine displaced in some way, resigned to the inglorious duty of raising me, and preparing me in her way.
25602	TT: I didn't actually need the ectobiological verification that she was like a mother and a sister at the same time. I always understood that somehow.
25603	TT: And I felt she had knowledge and ability beyond what she let on. It was always intimidating, but nonetheless a source of respect which was childishly begrudging on my part.
25604	TT: I think she was just waiting for me to catch up with her.
25605	TT: But now I can't.
25606	GG: ......
25607	GG: i am so sad
25608	GG: rose i think you are being stronger about it than i am
25609	TT: Probably because my emotions have now ceded to anger.
25610	TT: This shouldn't have happened.
25611	GG: oh
25612	GG: well
25613	GG: i just hope you arent thinking of doing something rash
25614	TT: I already was.
25615	TT: I was going to go to sleep, fly to a sun bigger than our universe, drop a bomb in it, and kill myself.
25616	GG: yeaaah...
25617	TT: So if my course of action is to change on account of my mood, it can only become less impetuous, don't you think?
25618	GG: errrr, i dont know?
25619	TT: You never liked my plan very much anyway.
25620	GG: wellllll
25621	GG: no!
25622	GG: but i was trusting that you had thought it through and it was our best hope
25623	TT: I'm not sure if I did.
25624	TT: Maybe it was a terrible plan.
25625	TT: I made it without a full understanding of the nature of the Scratch.
25626	GG: hm
25627	GG: then what will you do?
25628	TT: I could stop being so cowardly, for once.
25629	TT: I could short circuit this endlessly expanding game of chess we're playing, just like Jack decided to do.
25630	GG: what does that mean!
25631	TT: Maybe I will go kill Jack myself.
25632	TT: Right now.
25633	GG: oh no no no no no!
25634	GG: rose that is a much much worse plan!!!!!
25635	GG: he would probably kill you!
25636	TT: Probably.
25637	TT: But the Scratch will wipe us out anyway, and reboot the conditions of our session.
25638	TT: I suddenly don't feel much like sneaking through the back door of the Furthest Ring for retribution by distant super nova.
25639	GG: i know what you mean, i was angry at jack and wanted to stop him too, but we have to think of a more sensible way to do it
25640	TT: Whether my existing plan was sensible or not,
25641	TT: I may have been allowing myself to be manipulated by an omniscient being regardless.
25642	GG: what? who?
25643	Hello ladies.
25644	GG: aaaaaaa whaaaaat?????
25645	TT: This is a private conversation.
25646	TT: Private even to those who know it word for word already.
25647	Proceed.
25648	I will be here.
25649	Watching.
25650	GG: rose who is this!
25651	TT: Ignore him.
25652	GG: i dont even know whats going on anymore
25653	You were discussing Ms. Lalonde's intrepid new variation on suicide.
25654	As one with a passion for the subject, I'm intrigued.
25655	TT: Shh.
25656	TT: Anyway, if it's true the gods have "selected" me for service, maybe the power they've given me will be sufficient.
25657	TT: Maybe they wanted me to kill him all along.
25658	Hee hee.
25659	GG: SHHHHHHHHHH!
25660	GG: please dont rose, i know you are angry but you arent thinking straight
25661	TT: But I am.
25662	TT: I'm fully aware I'll probably die and fail. Scratch happens, we start fresh. No recollection, no problem.
25663	GG: nooo :(
25664	Jade, as an ambassador of Skaia, maybe you'd be willing to talk some sense into your friend?
25665	You should understand she's been corrupted by various entities with some rather questionable motives.
25666	GG: rose, maybe white text guy is right?
25667	GG: the dark gods gave you all these powers, and seem to be helping us with dream bubbles and stuff...
25668	GG: but what if they are not actually good?
25669	TT: They are enormous, ugly, and live in darkness.
25670	TT: That doesn't necessarily make them bad.
25671	GG: no...
25672	GG: but i still dont trust them!
25673	If only there were a way to make this determination with certainty.
25674	Through a reliable source within reach, for instance, at this exact moment. Perhaps one that is spherical, and devastatingly handsome.
25675	GG: whats this weirdo talking about!
25676	TT: The cue ball.
25677	GG: oh yeah
25678	GG: i noticed you found it!
25679	GG: i was worried it had been destroyed when my room blew up
25680	GG: is he saying you can use it?
25681	TT: Yes. And he is right.
25682	GG: omg
25683	GG: does it work???
25684	TT: It advised me to talk to you just now.
25685	TT: So I guess so.
25686	GG: then maybe you should try it!
25687	Yes, Rose. Listen to Jade.
25688	She is far less manipulative than I.
25689	TT: What are you suggesting I ask it?
25690	GG: well
25691	GG: since we dont know much about the gods...
25692	GG: why dont you ask it about them?
25693	TT: So, you're saying I should ask it if the gods are evil?
25694	GG: i guess that is a way to put it
25695	Even though at this point neither of you is highlighting my text to read it, this idea gets my vote.
25696	Go ahead.
25697	Ask, Seer.
25698	You slip into the fabled blackdeath trance of the woegothics, quaking all the while in the bloodeldritch throes of the broodfester tongues. You advise the members of your Complacency not to be alarmed, as they chronicle the event in tomes bound in the tanned, writhing flesh of a tortured hellscholar, with runes stroked in the black tears bled from the corruption-weary eyes of fifty thousand imaginary occultists.
25699	But they fail to not be alarmed.
25700	This is because, as is now painfully obvious to anyone with a brain, you have basically gone completely off the deep end in every way.
25701	You have officially gone grimdark.
25702	You make a halfhearted attempt to resist the urge.
25703	Alas, one is not easily shaken from the broodfester tongues.
25704	They are stubborn throes.
25705	OK ANYWAY LET'S GET BACK TO JOHN.
25706	You and your rabbit friend approach a gentleman wrapped in a fine white cloth, and his courageous cohort, a young man riding a great gust of wind!
25707	You are so impressed, you forget what you are supposed to be doing.
25708	Sweet, precious, beautiful Liv Tyler. You thought you'd lost her forever, just like Bruce Willis did when he blew himself up with a nuclear bomb in the center of an asteroid the size of Texas. His heroism and fatherly pride were ALSO the size of Texas.
25709	But your love for Liv is not fatherly, oh no. This reunion is with no loving daughter, but a loving movie star fantasy crush, who happens to be in the form of a robot bunny which has traveled through time, and been given as a gift on five separate occasions, twice by you and thrice to you, and originally fished out of a sewer by Nicholas Cage on the silver screen.
25710	You forget the point you are supposed to be making.
25711	But you wonder where all of her sweet weapons went.
25712	She indicates in the language of plush toy pantomime that she has no idea! They all blew away in the
25713	BREEZE.
25714	This tiny hammer is so ridiculous! It's too bad it is not the right size. You would love to wallop some imps with such a fanciful weapon.
25715	You guess you could just go around giving them little bops on the head with it. Like a silly gavel. No, that would be too absurd, even for a great prankster like you. You will discard this rubbish immediately.
25716	Wait! What is this? Ms. Tyler is handing you a note.
25717	John!!! One more thing...
25718	This rabbit im sure youve noticed is armed to the stitches! Hes got all four of the funny little weapons i mentioned thatre all deadly as the fucking dickens but that doesnt mean they are meant exclusively for the paws of mr terry kiser. (That is the name i call him.) Heck no.
25719	You see i adapted terry with some doodads you may deem practical. An infinitesimalator which i used to littlefy them down in the first place as well as a monstrositifier for when you would like to hugen them up and wield them yourself! Hes surely got enough juice in him to make them enormous if you wish. But thats silly what would you even do with say a magic needle the size of a skyscraper for instance? Preposterous!
25720	I borrowed this technology from my grandmother who had quite the way with manipulating space. Legend tells she was something of a witch with the stuff! Once she was a brave hero like you and i john and the stars themselves twinkled in her cauldron. I would like to tell you who my grandmother is i really would. But i cant. I think i have trouble keeping secrets. I like to be honest just like you and a lot of secrecy after a while gets me feeling a bit jaded. Heh heh.
25721	Green means grow red means shrink! See you soon pal.
25722	J.
25723	Grandmother? You wonder who that could be?
25724	It's probably just Jade. What with all the time shenanigans.
25725	You got the WARHAMMER OF ZILLYHOO.
25726	You are so delighted by your rad new hammer and the cool hugening abilities of Liv Tyler or Terry Kiser or whatever her/his name is. Who the hell is Terry Kiser, anyway? Probably a movie star from the future. Who cares though, your bunny will be LIV 4 LYFE <3 <3 <3 HEARTS HEARTS HEARTS
25727	You wonder what other neat things you can get Liv to monstrositify with her sweet eye beams?
25728	Wait, what happened to her green eye? And why is she feverishly gesticulating toward the fellow in the ghost sheets? This is so ridiculous, you cannot turn your back on these people to admire a beautiful hammer for even one moment.
25729	You think that is enough fooling around. It is time to get down to business again. The serious business of being an important and heroic leader.
25730	You are not their leader, you are their FRIEND, there is a BIG difference!
25731	You prepare to issue your party a highly authoritative series of FRIENDLY REQUESTS.
25732	First you request that everyone settle down! The squat fellow mediates between the two bickering parties, and patches up Liv's missing eye. She is nothing if not accustomed to decades of repair work, and quickly resumes her plucky demeanor.
25733	You then in your most leaderly way ask Liv to pilot that enormous battleship! She will now be known as Captain Tyler.
25734	She littlefies the ship down to something more manageable for a small bunny captain. Everyone is impressed.
25735	You give your wallet to your loyal chauffeur familiar. He looks puzzled. You inform the party that you will not be going on this journey. You must remain behind and continue looking for your father.
25736	But you insist their mission is the most critical of all! You know they can handle it. You believe in them.
25737	You instruct Captain Tyler to set a course for the ship's home. They must fly to Derse, and deliver the Tumor to the moon. Everyone salutes their intrepid friendleader. This is what teamwork is all about.
25738	And this guy...
25739	You guess this guy can go along and help out?
25740	Hey who even is this guy, anyway? You guess it doesn't matter. He seems nice enough.
25741	Godspeed, heroes. You have all the faith in the world that they will be successful.
25742	As a friendleader, or sometimes known as a palhoncho, you have done an amazing job. You have come up with a plan, and politely requestordered your loyal team to execute it. It is all falling into place perfectly. You are quite sure you have not failed to account for even a single thing.
25743	GG: john!!! i am worried about rose!
25744	GG: im pretty sure she is on her way there to look for jack!
25745	GG: i cant say for sure because i cant see her with my goggles anymore for some reason, but i am fearing the worst
25746	GG: just in case, you should to try to intercept her before she does something stupid like try to fight him!!!!!
25747	GG: also, um...
25748	GG: i guess you probably still dont know about your dad yet do you?
25749	GG: darn, why do i always have to be the one to break terrible news :(
25750	GG: er
25751	GG: john?
25752	GG: oh god please dont tell me your computer was in the wallet you just gave that guy.....
25753	GG: dammit john!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
25754	GG: one of these days you will learn the value of having plenty of backup computers
25755	GG: in fact whenever you finally leave the battlefield i am going to give you the code for a nice pair of lunchmuffs
25756	GG: and then i am going to force you to keep them on your head AT ALL TIMES!
25757	GG: yeah, youre never going to read this are you :|
25758	Huh??????????
25759	Something is happening on the other side of the planet. Something ominous. Something...
25760	Grimdark.
25761	You are so glad that grimdark is a real word, so that when things like this happen they may be described as such.
25762	Maybe your dad is over there? You believe you will investigate.
25763	AG: John!!!!!!!!
25764	AG: You're heading into the 8lackout, so I won't 8e a8le to see you until you leave.
25765	AG: 8ut don't worry, I can still sense you are there. 8ecause of awesome powers, remem8er?
25766	AG: Smooth move, ditching your computer like that, 8y the way. That was some incredi8le leadership you showed!
25767	AG: Now I have to contact you through Rose, thus exposing me to the risk of actually having to taaaaaaaalk to her........
25768	AG: Your carelessness has put the Heroes of Light in a very awkward position, John. I hope you're satisfied.
25769	AG: Hahahaha, just kidding. She's o8viously a little too "preoccupied" at the moment to 8e sassing me.
25770	AG: Just 8orrow her computer and talk to me when you get the chance, ok?
25771	AG: I will 8e w8ing. ::::)
25772	It is a holy parchment.
25773	Maimed Clown. Undead Cat. Impaled Crow. Omnipotent Dog. These four shall be held in reverence for the eternity they serve to cut short.
25774	You're sick of reading. Gotta find Jack.
25775	They make such a cute couple.
25776	The king and queen are pretty nice too. Heheheh.
25777	You have never seen anything so sad in your entire life. A beautiful muscular man-stallion, struck down in his prime. WHAT MONSTER COULD BE RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS DEED?
25778	(Hint: it was Jack Noir.)
25779	'Advanced Frog Breeding for Beginners: Difficulty Level - EXTREME For Idiots!'
25780	'A Foot Soldier's Guide to Combat'
25781	Most of the diagrams in this book involve a soldier advancing by a single tile, either straight ahead, or diagonally when lunging with a weapon. No wonder these guys are so easy to kill.
25782	This is a book on theoretical physics, and complex spatial geometries based on the hypothetical addition of orbs to the queen's ring.
25783	The shapes in the diagrams are very complex. This sort of nonsense is regarded as crackpottery at best. Why would the queen ever wear more than four orbs? Four towers, four orbs, four heroes; this is a sacred truth.
25784	'Journey to the Center of the Battlefield'
25785	Looks to be a fairy tale for youngsters. The hero is a dashing young man in a blue hood. He heals the planet from within, but can do nothing to stop its annihilation from above, nor its soon to follow eradication from reality. It must be sad growing up in a culture whose mythology is centered almost completely around futility.
25786	You find an ancient unlabeled tome, and read an excerpt.
25787	'Though we adore Him we shall never enjoy His beauteous Croak. We spill our blood on acres of black and white so they may cross the yellow yard. At last in Skaia's reflection through broken glass He may find the pond in which He's meant to squat.'
25788	'Her hands are in my service but they still shake. They unfasten the first button at my royal gown's waist, clumsily.'
25789	This is erotic fanfiction written about the queen in the first person. This doesn't belong in this library. This doesn't belong anywhere.
25790	More books. You really have better things to do than to read a lot of books written by chess guys.
25791	books books books
25792	'Data Structures for Assholes 2: Now Written to Accommodate the Shortcomings of the Mentally Retarded'
25793	'Grimoire for Summoning the Zoologically Dubious'
25794	This is apparently on loan from the Dersite Library. It seems unlikely to be returned at this point.
25795	You think you know what you might find on this shelf. Just a hunch...
25796	Yep. More books.
25797	'Rise of the Slayer' A horror story meant to scare children.
25798	Writers of Prospitian fiction tend to write what they see in clouds. Hence their fables tend to be events which simply haven't happened yet, or happened in another realm. They like to use the word fiction so that kids don't get TOO scared.
25799	'Problem Sooth'
25800	You have been meaning to read this one. Absolutely required reading for any promising young seer who has blundered into entanglement with the occult through an absurd sequence of events.
25801	The stairs are blocked.
25802	You supposed you could easily remove the obstacle, but that would spoil a perfectly good opportunity to look for secret passages.
25803	It bears an inscription: 'Our Glorious Speaker.'
25804	His head was lopped clean off, with some sort of sharp, sword-like object. Someone around here sure must hate frogs. You wonder who it could be? (It was probably Jack.)
25805	You got A TROPHY!
25806	You got A FLAMING METEOR CHUNK!
25807	This isn't even treasure. How is this treasure?
25808	You got the BANNER OF THE VILLEIN!
25809	You suddenly feel inspired. In a generally rebellious, united sort of way.
25810	something's blocking it from other side.
25811	curtain
25812	He is too frightened to speak!
25813	He seems to be indicating that the only reason he survived this massacre was by hiding behind this pillar. Thank goodness for pillars.
25814	He seems to be relieved that he and a handful of fellow soldiers have found a secret hideaway to escape the bloody rampage. Maybe if they regroup, and marshal all their remaining forces, they can TAKE this guy! (Yeah right!)";
25815	She is apparently swooning over a hero of lore shared by the two kingdoms. A great man who united opposing sides against his tyrannical king. The revolt ended in tragedy of course, which is typical of their folktales. But it is no less inspiring.";
25816	This fellow is mourning the dead. He has probably lost many friends today.";
25817	She is all aflutter about a legendary hero. Some guy who was weary of war, apparently. A simple farmer, handsome and brave. You think you are beginning to fall in love with him too.";
25818	She looks scared and confused. There is nothing left to do but hide.";
25819	First he was frightened when you barged in here, and then briefly excited, and now disappointed. He must have thought you were the great dark kingdom's defector, come to save them. Alas, it was only a spooky girl with magic wands.";
25820	JOHN: please lead the way, rose!":
25821	Ripped to shreds. All but one, for some reason. WHO COULD HAVE POSSIBLY it was Jack stupid.
25822	JOHN: hi rose! wow, i did not expect to find you here!
25823	ROSE: Nyurb gu'ilg.
25824	JOHN: heh... what?
25825	JOHN: also, why are you all gray like that? you look weird.
25826	ROSE: G'hroog fib'th mur brup brup.
25827	JOHN: uh...
25828	ROSE: G'HROOG FIB'TH MUR BRUP BRUP!
25829	JOHN: rose, i can't understand a word you are saying. it is a lot sillyspeak and gobbledygook.
25830	ROSE: Haughauuhthr'l...
25831	JOHN: wait, i know what's going on here. it finally happened! you have gone grimdark!!!
25832	JOHN: i told you rose. i warned you about... what did you call them? the broodfester throes?
25833	ROSE: ...
25834	JOHN: it's ok rose, don't worry. we will find a cure for your stubborn throes.
25835	JOHN: but i'm still trying to find our parents! i thought my dad might have come to this castle to check out that huge black rain cloud.
25836	JOHN: did you see the cloud, rose? it's pretty awesome.
25837	ROSE: Fnlth gohluyng j'rg hothaht!
25838	JOHN: what? you sound kind of upset. what is it, rose?
25839	ROSE: Jgngn, fnlth gohluyng j'rg HOTHAHT!
25840	JOHN: wait, are you talking about our parents?
25841	JOHN: oh man... you mean, they're here?!
25842	ROSE: Shgvb throl. Goors fn'nnyuld hothahty'j otot!
25843	JOHN: are you saying they are in trouble??
25844	JOHN: oh no! rose, we have to go help them!
25845	ROSE: MMPH PHLTHMMPHMPHMF RRMPHPMRPH.
25846	JOHN: yes, i am frustrated too. but there is no time for such lamentations!
25847	JOHN: do you think you can find them again?
25848	ROSE: Shruggot.
25849	JOHN: great! i can't wait to see my dad. it feels like it's been forever since i saw him.
25850	JOHN: please lead the way, rose!
25851	JOHN: oh no! rose, what happened in here?
25852	ROSE: Yyjyrn yulk frobithh.
25853	JOHN: was it jack? are you saying it was jack, rose?
25854	ROSE: FRU'FRNUHUH JGOG HHGH.
25855	JOHN: what's that, rose? are you getting aggravated that i am talking to you kind of like you are a dog?
25856	ROSE: ...
25857	JOHN: that is a really nice pillow, by the way.
25858	JOHN: it goes well with your weird dark skin and gothy ensemble.
25859	ROSE: Knryip.
25860	JOHN: you're welcome!
25861	JOHN: by the way, did you know that karkat thinks we are supposed to get married?";
25862	ROSE: Gorthytch svulk borbly'ahth?
25863	JOHN: wait! i hope that didn't come off as a proposal or anything!
25864	JOHN: sorry, i'm just making conversation.
25865	JOHN: i guess i am a little nervous...
25866	JOHN: because technically, this is the first time we have ever met, and also, you are talking like an eldritch monster, so i'm kind of babbling.
25867	JOHN: we don't actually have get married though. i mean, not if you don't want to.
25868	ROSE: ...
25869	JOHN: heheh. ok, i'll shut up now.
25870	GC: STR1111111D3R
25871	TG: oh my fucking god
25872	GC: WH4T >:?
25873	TG: what do you mean what
25874	TG: we just got done talking and agreed it would be awesome if you didnt bother me for a while
25875	TG: you know like while i guess i grieved over this brutally murdered rad family member or something
25876	GC: OH
25877	GC: TH4TS R1GHT
25878	GC: 1 FORGOT!
25879	TG: it was five seconds ago
25880	GC: 1 TH1NK TH4T W4S HOURS 4GO FOR M3
25881	GC: 1 4M 4 L1TTL3 FOGGY ON 4LL OUR CHRONOLOG1ST1C4L SH3N4N1G4NS 4T TH1S PO1NT...
25882	GC: TH3R3 H4S B33N SO MUCH CR4ZY STUFF GO1NG ON H3R3 1 H4V3 LOST TR4CK!
25883	TG: so youre officially going nonlinear with me then
25884	TG: were just forfeiting all rhyme or reason to this unmitigated clusterfuck is that it
25885	GC: D4V3, YOUR 3NT1R3 3X1ST3NC3 1S NONL1N34R
25886	GC: DONT B3 SO M3LODR4M4T1C
25887	TG: whoops ok in the future ill try not to pitch any sort of dramatics while brooding over the cadavers of slaughtered loved ones
25888	GC: D1D YOU LOV3 H1M D4V3?
25889	TG: no
25890	GC: BUT H3 W4S YOUR STR4NG3 HUM4N M4N-LUSUS
25891	GC: WHO T4UGHT YOU TO L1K3 COOL TH1NGS, L1K3 SWORDS 4ND PUPP3TS 4ND MOV1NG R34LLY F4ST!
25892	GC: HOW COULD YOU NOT???
25893	TG: puppets arent cool theyre shitty small fake people who haunt your dreams and grin like permanent assholes
25894	TG: i was making a joke about being all broken up about it
25895	TG: a guy can be sad and make jokes at the same time
25896	GC: YOU 4R3 S4D, BUT NOT BROK3N UP 4BOUT 1T?
25897	GC: 1 DONT UND3RST4ND
25898	TG: exactly
25899	GC: BUT YOU S41D YOU W3R3 GR13V1NG!
25900	TG: i said we agreed youd leave me alone to grieve
25901	TG: didnt say whether i actually would or actually am
25902	GC: W3LL, 4R3 YOU?
25903	TG: i am grieving to the max like a widow on dead husband island
25904	TG: behind these chill as fuck shades my face is having this crazy attack of the sads
25905	TG: my rue is fucking bananas cant you tell
25906	GC: 4RGH NO, 1 C4NT!
25907	GC: YOU DONT SOUND S1NC3R3, BUT 1TS SO H4RD TO T3LL WH4T L4Y3R OF 1RONY R3MOV3D FROM R34L1TY YOUR FL1PP4NT R3M4RKS 4R3 SUPPOS3D TO B3
25908	GC: 1 4M B3TT1NG YOU R34LLY 4R3 S4D NO M4TT3R HOW H1L4R1OUS 4ND 4LOOF YOU TH1NK YOUR3 B31NG
25909	TG: the truth is a mystery
25910	TG: tucked behind the pursed lips of a shitty riddler
25911	TG: they will be loosened only when presented with the conundrous grandeur of rigid insoluble puzzlecock
25912	GC: BLUH TH4T M4K3S NO S3NS3!
25913	TG: im sorry you are so flustered by the mere mention of glittering mythical cryptodick it honestly makes me think youre not ready for the truth
25914	GC: D4V3 YOUR P3RPL3X1NG 3UPH3M1SMS 1NVOLV1NG WH4T 1 PR3SUM3 TO B3 L3WD 4ND V4GU3LY 1NTR1GU1NG PORT1ONS OF HUM4N 4N4TOMY 1 TH1NK 4R3 NOT 4S H1L4R1OUS 4S YOU PROB4BLY B3L13V3
25915	GC: 4ND 1N 4NY C4S3 YOU M4Y B3 4M4Z3D TO L34RN 1 4M NOT TOT4LLY 1N TH3 MOOD FOR YOUR DUMB SM4RT4SSY HORNSWOGGL3RY!
25916	GC: 1 H4V3 LOTS OF MY OWN PROBL3MS H3R3, 4ND TH3Y 4R3 B1G, B1G PROBL3MS
25917	GC: SO WHY DONT YOU JUST T3LL M3 WH4T YOU 4R3 TH1NK1NG FOR ONC3?
25918	TG: its pretty simple
25919	TG: im just thinkin about how im gonna take this sword
25920	GC: Y34H...
25921	GC: 1 N3V3R R34LLY GOT WHY YOU WOULDNT JUST PULL 1T OUT
25922	TG: filthiest thing you ever said
25923	GC: HUH >:?
25924	TG: forget it
25925	TG: pulling swords out of things isnt how i roll
25926	TG: im not john remember
25927	GC: 1 4M NOT FOLLOW1NG
25928	TG: im not a hero
25929	TG: my bro was
25930	TG: john is
25931	TG: im not
25932	GC: Y3S YOU 4R3!
25933	TG: no
25934	GC: Y3S, W3 4LL 4R3
25935	GC: 1 4M TH3 H3RO OF M1ND
25936	GC: YOU 4R3 TH3 H3RO OF T1M3
25937	GC: TH4T 1S WHO W3 W3R3 CR34T3D TO B3
25938	TG: fine its a title we inherit as phlegm babies or whatever but what have i done to earn it
25939	TG: pretty much nothing but horsing around through time and swindling retarded alligators out of their life savings
25940	TG: if that swords coming out of his chest its coming out clean
25941	TG: taking it vertically means drawing more blood
25942	TG: but horizontally means a clean break
25943	TG: check it
25944	GC: NO, DONT >:[
25945	GC: D4V3 G3T UP
25946	TG: no fuck that
25947	TG: im a lie my ass right down here for a while looking slightly less cool than i make myself out to be ordinarily
25948	GC: YOU MUST ST4ND T4LL, ONLY 4 TRU3 H3RO COULD PULL OFF SUCH 4N 4CROB4T1C FUCK1NG P1ROU3TT3 OFF OF TH4T H4NDL3 >:]
25949	TG: that is basically what i just did isnt it
25950	GC: Y3S
25951	TG: thats what im doing here im making a point of makin every little thing take place what was once mentioned in passing no matter how seemingly trivial or pointless
25952	TG: thats how all the best adventures get strung together
25953	TG: you havent heard me bleat like a goat for ironically humorous purposes yet have you
25954	GC: NO!!! >:o
25955	TG: that was something that was mentioned at some point by someone i forget when or why
25956	TG: i bet you are on goddamn pins and needles waiting for that arent you
25957	GC: 4R3 YOU 4BOUT TO BL34T L1K3 4N 34RTH GO4T, D4V3?
25958	TG: no
25959	TG: fuck that
25960	GC: >:[
25961	GC: TH3N W1LL YOU 4T L34ST G3T UP??
25962	TG: no
25963	TG: fuck you
25964	TG: go away
25965	GC: 4UGH
25966	GC: WHY DO 1 DO TH1S TO MYS3LF
25967	TG: what
25968	GC: SUBJ3CT MYS3LF TO TH3 MOODY NONS3NS3 OF CURMUDG3ONLY C4NDY BLOOD3D FOULMOUTHS!
25969	TG: i dunno
25970	TG: why are you even talking to me anyway
25971	TG: aside from the fact that several hours from now you apparently forget i dont need consolation and oughta be left alone
25972	GC: M4YB3 1T JUST SO H4PP3NS TH4T FOR ONC3 TH1S 1SNT 4BOUT YOU!
25973	GC: M4YB3 1 4M TH3 ON3 WHO N33DS SOM3 H3LP, H4S TH4T OCCURR3D TO YOU, MR COOLK1D???
25974	TG: oh
25975	GC: 4NYW4Y, 1 R3M3MB3R NOW
25976	GC: SORRY, 3V3RYON3 W3NT K1ND OF SH1TH1V3 H3R3, 4ND 1 GOT B1TT3N 1 TH1NK, 4ND 1 K1ND OF FORGOT WH3R3 1 L3FT OFF W1TH YOU
25977	TG: bitten
25978	TG: what
25979	GC: BUT 1 R3M3MB3R WH3R3 TH1S 4LL F1TS 1NTO TH3 CHRONOLOGY, YOU W1TH YOUR BRO H3R3
25980	GC: TH1S W4S JUST B3FOR3 YOU B3GG3D M3 TO F1N4LLY SHOW YOU HOW TO R34CH GOD T13R
25981	GC: SO 1 D1D
25982	GC: 4ND TH3N YOU GOT M4D 4T M3
25983	GC: SO YOU D3C1D3D TO GO DO YOUR OWN TH1NG FOR 4 WH1L3
25984	GC: 4ND S1NC3 TH3N 1 H4V3 B33N UP TO MY PO1NTY L1TTL3 NUBS 1N SUSP3NS3, 1NTR1GU3, 4ND B3TR4Y4L!
25985	TG: that sure sounds like a dumb way to say a thing
25986	TG: almost egbertian in elegant stupidity
25987	TG: the t in egbertian is soft like shhhhh
25988	GC: H3H3H3 OH
25989	TG: why would i get mad at you
25990	GC: OH, YOULL S33 >:P
25991	TG: ok
25992	TG: but yeah i guess its about time you showed me whats up with my allegedly futile god tierification
25993	TG: how long ago was it that you did your coin flip thing i dont even remember
25994	TG: i was getting sure you were just bullshitting me and had no intention of ever mentioning it again
25995	GC: UNFORTUN4T3LY, NO!
25996	GC: M4YB3 1 SHOULD T4K3 TH3 OPPORTUN1TY TO 4POLOG1Z3 1N 4DV4NC3 >:[
25997	TG: for what
25998	GC: HMM
25999	GC: 1 DONT TH1NK 1T W1LL B3 CONSTRUCT1V3 TO GO 1NTO 1T B3FOR3 1T H4PP3NS
26000	TG: before what happens
26001	TG: you mean god tiering
26002	TG: does something go wrong
26003	GC: 3V3RYTH1NG GO3S 4CCORD1NG TO PL4N!
26004	GC: BUT TH4T 1S 4LL 1 W1LL S4Y
26005	GC: R3M3MB3R, TH1S CONV3RS4T1ON 1S K1ND OF NOT SUPPOS3D TO B3 4BOUT YOU, 1 KNOW TH3 1D34 1S UNPR3C3D3NT3D
26006	TG: thats practically unthinkable
26007	GC: 1 KNOW >:p
26008	TG: but i mean ok we can talk about your troll problem but this is pretty important here
26009	TG: the god tier thing and whether i can actually do it or not
26010	TG: it might be kind of hard to tell on account of me chilling face down on the pavement and also because downplaying feelings is the chief rule of cool but im pretty pissed about this
26011	TG: which is weird
26012	GC: 1TS W31RD TO F33L M4D?
26013	GC: 4R3 YOU TOO COOL FOR TH4T TOO??
26014	TG: no its not weird to be mad its just weird it feels like im the only one who is
26015	TG: and the only one even contemplating taking jack on
26016	TG: even among your group of irate gnashing shitheads
26017	GC: H3Y!
26018	TG: what
26019	GC: 4CTU4LLY, YOUR3 R1GHT
26020	GC: TURNS OUT W3 R34LLY DO H4V3 4 LOT OF SH1TH34DS H3R3 >:[
26021	GC: 4ND 4LSO 4S 1T H4PP3NS TH3 WORST ON3 1S TH3 ON3 WHO H4PP3NS TO B3 PL4NN1NG TO T4K3 H1M ON!
26022	TG: well ok
26023	TG: and that would be a bitchin line to switch the subject to start talkin about your complicated problems but i kinda wasnt done
26024	GC: F111N3
26025	GC: BUT FOR SOM3ON3 WHO JUST TOLD M3 TO FUCK OFF YOU 4R3 SUR3 B3ND1NG MY 34R SUDD3NLY >:]
26026	TG: but ok i mean isnt that what heroes should be doing
26027	TG: working to take down the bad guy without a whole lot of this fuckin grandiloquence and these huge sweeping plans that got nothin to do with fighting him
26028	TG: like always biding our time and tiptoeing around the unbeatable god boss
26029	TG: johns too nice to get mad
26030	TG: rose spends all her time calculating
26031	TG: too focused on machiavellian ploys of sabotage to try anything drastic
26032	TG: jade is
26033	TG: i dont even know
26034	TG: probably more a liability if she got it in her head to take him down
26035	TG: if anything id bet she just needs protection
26036	GC: WH4T 4R3 YOU S4Y1NG H3R3 D4V3, 1N TH1S CONV3RS4T1ON TH4T 1S ST1LL B31NG 4BOUT YOU
26037	TG: im just wondering
26038	TG: when does someone actually step up
26039	TG: jacks got shit to pay for
26040	GC: 1F TH4T 1S HOW YOU F33L
26041	GC: TH3N 1 TH1NK OUR TWO PROBL3MS 4R3 NOT R34LLY D1FF3R3NT
26042	GC: W3 4R3 BOTH PR3S3NTLY CONC3RN3D W1TH JUST1C3
26043	TG: yeah i guess
26044	TG: i guess it has been on my mind
26045	TG: maybe i am supposed to be a hero and rise to the occasion because there seems to be this little persistent voice in my head nagging me about it
26046	TG: insisting someones gotta pay
26047	TG: and its hard for me to disagree
26048	GC: TH3N 1T COULD M34N ON3 OF TWO TH1NGS
26049	GC: OR BOTH OF TH3 TWO TH1NGS, L1K3 1T D1D FOR M3 >:]
26050	TG: what things
26051	GC: 1T COULD M34N TH4T TH3 4G3NT PR3S3NTLY 1NFLU3NC1NG YOU 1S...
26052	GC: 4 CONSC13NC3
26053	GC: 4ND/OR
26054	GC: 4N 3X1L3
26055	TG: im pretty sure i dont even have an exile
26056	TG: ive never heard any voices or anything
26057	TG: anyway you dont need a voice in your head to tell you this shit is
26058	TG: just like
26059	TG: so completely illegal
26060	GC: >:?
26061	TG: wait
26062	TG: why did i just say that stupid thing i said
26063	GC: D4V3 1 D1D NOT R34L1Z3 YOU H4D SUCH 4 P4SS1ON FOR L4W 3NFORC3M3NT
26064	GC: 1 MUST S4Y TH1S SHOCK1NG D3V3LOPM3NT 1S COM1NG D4NG3ROUSLY CLOS3 TO G1V1NG M3 4 C4S3 OF TH3 V4PORS >:O
26065	TG: no i mean
26066	TG: ok that came out wrong
26067	TG: what were we talking about again
26068	GC: BR1NG1NG J4CK TO JUST1C3?
26069	TG: right
26070	TG: someone has to make him pay
26071	TG: cant let him just go unpunished
26072	TG: if i can figure out how to reach the god tier maybe i can be the one to throw him into the slammer
26073	GC: ...
26074	GC: TH3 SL4MM3R?
26075	TG: slammer means jail
26076	GC: 1 KNOW WH4T TH3 SL4MM3R M34NS!!!
26077	TG: you call it the slammer when youre extra angry at crimes
26078	TG: are you taking notes on this important principle?? jesus get a fucking pen
26079	TG: or some chalk or whatever
26080	GC: 1 TH1NK 1 4M FOLLOW1NG
26081	GC: YOU 4R3 GO1NG TO F1ND J4CK, 4ND PUT H1M 1N J41L?
26082	TG: wait
26083	TG: fuck
26084	TG: what
26085	TG: no
26086	GC: D4V3 1 KNOW YOU 4R3 L1K3LY D1SCOMBOBUL4T3D W1TH GR13F OV3R YOUR F4LL3N M4NBRO LUSUS, BUT TH4T 1S 3XTR3M3LY S1LLY 4ND DO3SNT M4K3 4NY S3NS3
26087	TG: i know it doesnt
26088	TG: im just saying
26089	TG: what am i even saying here
26090	TG: shit
26091	GC: 1M ST1LL NOT SUR3
26092	GC: YOUR3 T4LK1NG 4BOUT THROW1NG J4CK 1N TH3 SL4MM3R 4ND R4MBL1NG 4BOUT JUST1C3 4ND T3LL1NG M3 TO G3T P3NS 4ND SUCH
26093	GC: NOT TH4T 1 4M COMPL41N1NG
26094	TG: ok forget the slammer stuff that was stupid
26095	TG: it is about justice though
26096	TG: and since no one else seems to give a shit about that it apparently falls in my jurisdiction now
26097	TG: not just going after jack
26098	TG: but all the mutinous agents responsible for crimes
26099	GC: 4G3NTS?
26100	TG: holy shit why do i care about THAT suddenly
26101	GC: >8?!
26102	TG: anyway thats more shit that popped into my head just now
26103	TG: so
26104	TG: ok
26105	GC: W3LL
26106	GC: NO1RS CRON13S 4R3 3XPLO1T4BL3
26107	GC: 4R3 YOU S4Y1NG YOU H4V3 4 PL4N TH4T 1NVOLV3S T4RG3T1NG TH3M?
26108	TG: not really
26109	TG: no
26110	TG: anyway
26111	TG: its not like being mad about this and hankering for justice is even the only irrational thing im currently hot and bothered about
26112	TG: i have other duties to attend to
26113	GC: L1K3 WH4T?
26114	TG: ive got to explode this ridiculously illegal edifice oh my god what are these words im saying
26115	GC: YOU H4V3 TO 3XPLOD3 SOM3TH1NG?
26116	TG: never mind
26117	GC: 4R3 YOU R3F3RR1NG TO YOUR PL4N TO BLOW UP <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/TH3GR33NSUN.gif" border="0" />?
26118	TG: oh
26119	TG: yeah
26120	TG: thats gotta be what im talking about
26121	TG: probably
26122	TG: i need to shut up now
26123	TG: im sounding like an idiot and my head is starting to hurt
26124	TG: why dont we talk about your thing now
26125	TG: what justice thing do you have to do
26126	GC: YOU M34N 1TS 4CTU4LLY MY TURN TO T4LK?
26127	TG: yes
26128	GC: BUT 1 W4S B3G1NN1NG TO FORG3T MY PROBL3M L1ST3N1NG TO YOUR H1GHLY 3NJOY4BL3 B3FUDDL3M3NT!
26129	TG: just please tell me your justice problem and make me stop saying stuff
26130	TG: farewell
26131	GC: F4R3W3LL??
26132	GC: W41T!!!!!! >:[
26133	TG: no i mean
26134	TG: god damn it im not leaving
26135	TG: farewell is not even a thing i would ever say jesus what am i a victorian poet
26136	TG: can you show me a little respect and assume any time i say something stupid it just means im temporarily being inexplicably retarded
26137	TG: thats what a real friend would do
26138	GC: OK D4V3, 1 W1LL SHOW SOM3 S3NS1T1V1TY 4ND C4ST SUSP1C1ON ON TH3 1NT3LL3CTU4L M3R1T OF 3V3RYTH1NG YOU H4V3 3V3R S41D
26139	TG: thank you
26140	GC: 1 W1LL FURTH3R D3MONSTR4T3 MY FR13NDSH1P BY DOM1N4T1NG TH3 R3ST OF TH1S CONV3RS4T1ON W1TH L3NGTHY 4CCOUNTS OF MY 3MOT1ON4L TR1BUL4T1ONS, L34V1NG NO SP4C3 FOR YOU TO SUBM1T 4NY 4MUS1NG OUTBURSTS
26141	TG: that sounds awesome
26142	GC: QU13T!!! >:O
26143	GC: NOW
26144	GC: WH3R3 W4S 1
26145	TG: justice problems
26146	GC: OH Y3S, OF COURS3
26147	GC: YOU S33, OUR 41MS 4R3 NOT TH4T D1SS1M1L4R
26148	GC: OUR PURSU1TS OF JUST1C3 1 M34N
26149	GC: BUT YOURS 1S MOT1V4T3D BY 4NG3R 1N TH3 H34T OF TH3 MOM3NT
26150	GC: WH1CH 1S BL1ND1NG YOU TO TH3 CONS3QU3NC3S OF 4TT3MPT1NG SOM3TH1NG V3RY FOOL1SH
26151	GC: YOU 4R3 F4R TOO COOL TO SUCCUMB TO 4NYTH1NG L1K3 TH4T
26152	GC: WH1CH 1S WHY YOU W1LL COM3 TO YOUR S3NS3S SHORTLY >:]
26153	GC: MY S1TU4T1ON 1S 4 L1TTL3 MOR3 COMPL1C4T3D
26154	GC: 1TS L3SS P3RSON4L
26155	GC: THOUGH ONC3 1T W4S 4 GRUDG3 WH1CH PROP3LL3D OUR R1V4LRY
26156	GC: NOW 1TS R3SOLUT1ON H4S B3COM3 4 M4TT3R OF PR4CT1C4L1TY
26157	GC: 1F NOT PROF3SS1ON4L1SM
26158	GC: BUS1N3SS L1K3!
26159	GC: TH3 W4Y 4 TRU3 L3G1SL4C3R4TOR CONDUCTS H3R PROS3CUT1ONS
26160	GC: D4V3 D1D YOU KNOW TH4T C3NTUR13S 4GO ON MY PL4N3T, L3G1SL4C3R4TORS W3R3 NOT CONF1N3D TO STUFFY COURTBLOCKS 4RGU1NG C4S3S B3FOR3 H1S HONOR4BL3 TYR4NNY?
26161	TG: oh shit are you fucking serious
26162	GC: Y3S! 4LSO, SHUSH
26163	GC: 1 KNOW YOU 4R3 S4SS1NG M3 DU3 TO MY US3 OF T3RMS UNF4M1L14R TO HUM4NS, BUT 1T 1S TRU3
26164	GC: TH3Y W3R3 D3PLOY3D THROUGHOUT TH3 G4L4XY TO 4PPR3H3ND CR1M1N4LS BY 4NY M34NS N3C3SS4RY
26165	TG: no i got that theyre like your alien death lawyers who were sorta like bounty hunters in olden times pretty simple to decipher through context
26166	GC: 1 THOUGHT 1 TOLD YOU TO B3 QU13T!
26167	GC: 1 4M MONOLOGU1NG H3R3 >:P
26168	GC: 4NYW4Y, TH3Y WOULD NOT R3ST UNT1L TH31R SUSP3CT W4S 1N CUSTODY, ON3 W4Y OR 4NOTH3R
26169	GC: TH3Y WOULD G4TH3R 3V1D3NC3 OV3R TH3 COURS3 OF TH3 1NV3ST1G4T1ON, COMP1L1NG 4 C4S3 TO B3 PR3S3NT3D 4T TH3 TR14L, SHOULD ON3 B3 H3LD B3FOR3 TH3 F1N4L SUBM1SS1ON OF TH3 GU1LTY CORPS3 TO JUD1C14L 4UTHOR1T13S
26170	GC: P3RSON4L F33L1NGS 4ND V3ND3TT4S D1D NOT M4TT3R, NOR D1D 3V3N TH3 N4TUR3 OF TH3 CR1M3
26171	GC: ONLY JUST1C3 D1D!
26172	GC: TH3Y W3R3 S3L3CT3D FOR TH31R CUNN1NG 4ND M4RT14L PROW3SS
26173	GC: 4ND FOR TH31R 4B1L1TY TO UND3RST4ND TH3 M1NDS OF TH3 CR1M1N4LS TH3Y SOUGHT
26174	GC: TH1S 1S WHY TH3 BURD3N H4S TO B3 M1N3 1 TH1NK
26175	GC: 1 4M TH3 ONLY ON3 WHO KNOWS HOW TO H4NDL3 H3R
26176	GC: 4S SUCH, SH3 1S MY R3SPONS1B1L1TY
26177	TG: she
26178	GC: SHOOOOOOOSH!!!!!!!
26179	TG: ok i cant even make little interrogative quips to grease the wheels of your monologue
26180	GC: OH
26181	GC: Y3S TH4TS OK, 1N F4CT 1TS V3RY H3LPFUL
26182	GC: WHO DO YOU TH1NK??
26183	TG: spidertroll
26184	GC: YOU 4R3 CORR3CT
26185	GC: TH3 SP1D3R13ST ON3 OF 4LL
26186	TG: youve decided to take her down then
26187	GC: 1 GU3SS SO
26188	TG: you dont sound that psyched about it
26189	GC: W3LL, 1M H3R3 T4LK1NG TO YOU 4BOUT 1T 1NST34D OF 4CTU4LLY DO1NG 1T, 4R3NT 1?
26190	TG: are you feeling guilty
26191	TG: like second guessing whether she deserves it
26192	GC: NOT 3X4CTLY
26193	TG: hasnt she done enough terrible shit to warrant legislaceration
26194	GC: TH4T 1S NOT 4 TH1NG!
26195	GC: BUT Y3S, TH3 C4S3 4G41NST H3R 1S OV3RWH3LM1NG
26196	GC: MOR3 TH4N YOU 3V3N KNOW!
26197	GC: SH3S COMPL3T3LY OUT OF CONTROL NOW
26198	GC: SH3 H4S MURD3R3D 4T L34ST ON3 OF MY GOOD FR13NDS
26199	GC: 4ND POSS1BLY S3V3R4L OTH3RS, 1 4M NOT SUR3 Y3T
26200	GC: TH3 C1RCUMST4NC3S 4R3 4 L1TTL3 F1SHY, BUT MY 1NV3ST1G4T1ON 1S ONGO1NG
26201	GC: 4DD1T1ON4LLY, 1 H4V3 D1SCOV3R3D SH3 1S COMPL1C1T 1N J4CKS R1S3 TO POW3R
26202	GC: WH3N 1 F1RST L34RN3D H3 C4M3 FROM YOUR S3SS1ON, 1 M1ST4K3NLY BL4M3D YOU 4LL, 4ND TOOK 1T OUT ON 4 H4PL3SS 3GB3RT >:[
26203	GC: BUT 1F 4NYON3 1S TO P4Y FOR R3L34S1NG TH4T D3MON ON BOTH OF OUR GROUPS, 1T 1S H3R
26204	TG: are you sure about that
26205	GC: Y3S
26206	GC: 4ND SH3 KNOWS 1 KNOW
26207	GC: SH3 H4S B33N T4UNT1NG M3, TRY1NG TO ST1R UP OUR OLD R1V4LRY
26208	GC: TH4T 1S WH4T TH1S WHOL3 JOHN VS D4V3 TH1NG H4S B33N 4BOUT
26209	TG: there is no john vs dave thing though
26210	GC: 1 KNOW
26211	GC: NOT R34LLY
26212	GC: 1TS JUST 4 G4M3
26213	GC: BUT TH3 G4M3 1S S3R1OUS BUS1N3SS TO H3R
26214	GC: L1K3 1T W4S DUR1NG OUR ROL3 PL4Y1NG D4YS
26215	GC: 4ND JUST L1K3 TH3N, SH3S RU1N3D 3V3RYTH1NG BY T4K1NG 1T TOO F4R
26216	GC: 4ND 1N SP1T3 OF 4LL H3R P4ST CR1M3S, TH3S3 4R3 NOT 3V3N TH3 MOST 1MPORT4NT R34SONS TO STOP H3R!
26217	GC: SH3 H4S D3C1D3D TO F1GHT J4CK H3RS3LF
26218	GC: WH1CH 1S 4N 3XTR3M3LY D4NG3ROUS 4ND STUP1D TH1NG TO DO!
26219	GC: SOUND F4M1L14R, D4V3?
26220	TG: are you going to stop me too then
26221	TG: hunt me down and lawyerviscerate me for my own good
26222	GC: NO
26223	GC: 1LL JUST L3T YOU TRY TO R34CH TH3 GOD T13R, 4ND TH3N D3C1D3 FOR YOURS3LF >:]
26224	TG: are you saying that i wont make god tier or i wont be strong enough if i do
26225	GC: OBJ3CT1ON!!!
26226	TG: what
26227	GC: W3 4R3 T4LK1NG 4BOUT YOU 4G41N
26228	GC: 1 MOT1ON TH4T 4LL D4V3 C3NTR1C T3ST1MONY B3 STR1CK3N FROM TH3 R3CORD
26229	TG: lame motion overruled the judge wants to see where this is going
26230	GC: NO H3 DO3SNT, YOU KNOW P3RF3CTLY W3LL H3 DO3SNT G1V3 4 SH1T
26231	GC: H3 W1LL CL34R TH1S COURTBLOCK 1F H3 DO3S NOT H4V3 ORD3R, H3 SW34RS TO J3GUS
26232	TG: ok fine
26233	TG: we can keep obsessing over your fucked up kismesister if you want
26234	GC: 1TS NOT L1K3 TH4T! >XO
26235	TG: do you think she stands a chance against him
26236	GC: NO
26237	TG: then whats the big deal
26238	TG: why not let her go get her shit ruined by jack and let justice happen that way
26239	GC: B3C4US3 1 4M QU1T3 SUR3 TH4T 1F SH3 GO3S TO F1ND H1M, 1T W1LL T1P H1M OFF TO OUR LOC4T1ON 1N TH3 V31L
26240	GC: 1 H4V3 S33N 1T 4LR34DY
26241	GC: TH4T 1S WHY TH1S 1S NO S1MPL3 V3ND3TT4
26242	GC: BR1NG1NG H3R TO JUST1C3 1S CR1T1C4L TO OUR SURV1V4L!
26243	TG: so why dont you go do it
26244	GC: B3C4US3
26245	GC: 1M NOT SUR3 1F 1 C4N
26246	TG: you mean you cant beat her in a fight
26247	GC: NO, 1TS NOT TH4T
26248	GC: 1T JUST TH4T WH3N TH3 T1M3 COM3S
26249	GC: 1M NOT SUR3 1F 1 W1LL B3 4BL3 TO K1LL H3R
26250	TG: i thought trolls were all about gratuitous murderings
26251	GC: Y3S 1TS TRU3
26252	GC: W3 4R3 SUPPOS3D TO R3V3L 1N BLOODSH3D 4S W3 GROW UP
26253	GC: 4ND SH3 S33MS TO B3 3MBR4C1NG H3R R1T3 OF P4SS4G3 W1TH R3CKL3SS 4B4NDON, 4S 1 WOULD 3XP3CT
26254	GC: GR4BB1NG TH3 BULL BY TH3 HORNS, SO TO SP34K
26255	GC: 1TS 4 L1TTL3 1NT1M1D4T1NG
26256	GC: B3C4US3 1M NOT SUR3 1F 1M R34DY FOR TH4T
26257	GC: WH1CH 1 GU3SS 1S NORM4L??
26258	TG: are
26259	TG: you asking me to reassure you about that
26260	TG: cause i seriously dont have a clue
26261	GC: 1TS OK D4V3
26262	GC: ST1LL MONOLOGU1NG >:]
26263	GC: 1 GU3SS
26264	GC: 1 4M NOT SO MUCH WORR13D 4BOUT NOT B31NG R34DY
26265	GC: 4S 1 4M TH4T...
26266	GC: 1 M1GHT NOT 4CTU4LLY W4NT TO B3 R34DY
26267	GC: M4YB3 3V3R
26268	GC: M4YB3 TH3R3S SOM3TH1NG WRONG W1TH M3
26269	TG: i dont understand
26270	TG: i thought you were insane kinds of apeshit over the macabre stuff
26271	TG: like being all cutesy about executions and smelling cherry blood and such things contrived to get a guy feeling vaguely uncomfortable
26272	TG: was that all an act
26273	GC: NOT 4N 4CT
26274	GC: JUST FUN!
26275	GC: 1 L1K3 FUN, D4V3, 4ND 1 4LSO L1K3 G4M3S
26276	GC: DONT YOU L1K3 FUN 4ND G4M3S?
26277	TG: of course the fuck not
26278	GC: L14R!!! >:O
26279	TG: didnt you say youve killed people before
26280	GC: TH3R3 1S 4 B1G D1FF3R3NC3 B3TW33N M4N1PUL4T1NG P3OPL3 TO TH31R DOOM W1TH TR1CK3RY, 4ND K1LL1NG SOM3ON3 BY YOUR OWN H4ND
26281	GC: 1T 1S 4 B1T L1K3 H4V1NG TO F4C3 YOUR OWN D34TH...
26282	GC: 4ND D1SCOV3R1NG TH3 D1FF3R3NC3 B3TW33N L34V1NG TH3 R3SPONS1B1L1TY TO SOM3ON3 3LS3, 4ND DO1NG TH3 D1RTY WORK YOURS3LF
26283	GC: M4YB3 YOULL UND3RST4ND SOM3 D4Y >;]
26284	TG: ok
26285	TG: id like to help you out but i dont know what advice i should be giving
26286	TG: to a member of a murderous species whos gunshy on going off to justicemurder a murderhappy murderer whose done lots of murders
26287	TG: it feels pretty weird and inappropriate for me to be the one to tell you fuck yes go for it shes got this huge murder with her name on it anyways and its cruising right at her down comeuppance boulevard
26288	TG: so i dont know
26289	TG: do you want me to tell you to be a better human
26290	TG: or to be a better troll
26291	GC: 1 C4NT T3LL YOU WH4T TO 4DV1S3 M3, CHUMP4SS!
26292	GC: M4YB3 1M NOT 3V3N LOOK1NG FOR 4DV1C3 P3R S3
26293	GC: BUT JUST W4NT TO T4LK TO SOM3ON3 4BOUT 1T
26294	TG: alright well all ill say is
26295	TG: maybe if you kill her at least we can finally stop obsessing over her
26296	GC: *S1111GNNNN*
26297	GC: Y34H, F41R 3NOUGH
26298	TG: why dont you just do what you think you have to do
26299	TG: and ill do the same
26300	TG: speaking of which
26301	GC: OH, R1GHT
26302	GC: YOULL B3 BUGG1NG M3 4BOUT SHOW1NG YOU HOW TO R34CH TH3 GOD T13R SOON
26303	GC: PROMPT3D BY TH1S V3RY CONV3RS4T1ON 1 1M4G1N3, WHOD H4V3 THOUGHT!
26304	TG: these time shenanigans completely blindsided us they practically never even happen
26305	GC: 1 KNOW
26306	TG: so i hang up now with future you and then start pestering present you about it is that how it works
26307	GC: Y3S
26308	TG: and i make sure not to reference anything said here to keep it simple
26309	TG: except like in an offhand way thatll seem retroactively logical to your future self
26310	TG: ie you right now
26311	TG: if for no other reason than itd be boring as hell to rehash it
26312	GC: TH4T SOUNDS 4BOUT R1GHT BUT WH4T DO 1 KNOW
26313	GC: YOUR3 TH3 T1M3 GUY 4FT3R 4LL
26314	GC: LUCK1LY 1 W1LL NOT H4V3 TO P4RT1C1P4T3 1N TH3S3 CH4R4D3S TH1S T1M3 4ROUND
26315	TG: does luck actually matter
26316	GC: >:o
26317	You have no idea what the hell this thing is, or why you would need another disc.
26318	You just captchalogue it and proceed. There is justice to be done, and you are running out of time.
26319	You cannot wake up, because you were not actually asleep! You were just taking a breather in this nice cozy pile of horrifically mutilated scalemates, which were gathered here to break your fall for some reason.
26320	You wonder where you are? This is a fancy looking room. It doesn't look like a place you would expect to find on this meteor, at least not in any strictly canonical capacity.
26321	This dapper kiwi-suited gentleman is quite familiar. You are almost positive he made an appearance in that very crowded dream you had recently...
26322	Where did he go??
26323	Something in this room smells funny.
26324	And fast.
26325	You cannot ascend!!!
26326	The staircase is suffering from a catastrophic horn clog.
26327	The door is locked!
26328	You will either need a key, or to break it down with force. You would need to achieve an especially heightened state of determination to pull that off, though.
26329	You have been completely hornswoggled. This whole thing was a setup from the start. A trap deployed by a cunning mastermind. All of the clues are adding up. The blood. The note. The flagrant displays of tricksterism and japery. The identity of the puppetmaster behind all of this is now painfully obvious to you.
26330	Spidertroll.
26331	You select appropriate crime solving music to set the right mood. With this kind of atmosphere, it is highly unlikely that any crime will stay unsolved for long.
26332	No no, this vaudevillian cornball nonsense will not do at all. The mood is just not right for figuring out crimes.
26333	You put the record back in its sleeve.
26334	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/WHOSTHISDOUCHEBAG.gif" border="0" />
26335	Before you can make heads or tails of who exactly this douche bag is, something rolls out of the sleeve. It appears to be a very small record. It's so small! What is such a small record doing in this great big sleeve?
26336	You cannot get over how tiny this record is. It's adorable. You wonder what sort of music it plays?
26337	Predictably, you scratch the surface of the disc. What were you expecting? It's almost like you don't even know what a CD is.
26338	With the disc damaged, who knows what sort of effects it will have on the data. Better store it somewhere safe to prevent any more mishaps.
26339	It should be perfectly safe from any similar kinds of damage while secured in your SCRATCH AND SNIFF modus.
26340	You have spent way too much time calibrating the ambiance of your investigation, and not nearly enough time investigating. It is one of the most common pitfalls to being an investigator. Aside from literal pitfalls, which you actually fall into.
26341	There are two chests in this secret room. Nothing out of the ordinary. Chests are everywhere in this lab, and people find it all too tempting to sneak their personal belongings into them for safe keeping. That is, until the goods are stolen shortly after by those who can't resist looting every chest they encounter, which is everybody.
26342	Maybe these ones contain clues?
26343	You got your NEOPHYTE REDGLARE ROLEPLAYING OUTFIT!
26344	What is this doing in here? You have not worn it since your Flarping days. The only part of it you kept on hand was the stylish pair of glasses, which of course since the incident has managed to become a regular accessory.
26345	But you cannot imagine how someone could have gotten their hands on the rest of it. Surely a crafty and resourceful criminal is at work.
26346	(spidertrollspidertrollspidertroll)
26347	You don the garb of the legendary legislacerator. It brings back memories of many successful fantasy prosecutions resulting in the real executions of rival players. Those were the days.
26348	You got your PYRALSPITE PLUSH!
26349	Pyralspite was your scalemate sidekick during your campaigns. He was the model of loyalty, friendship, and righteous retribution. More than could be said for another partner in justice.
26350	There is no doubt about it anymore. She is clearly baiting you into confrontation.
26351	You mean 88ing.
26352	You embrace your old friend releasing a mighty and majestic squeak. It has been too long, old friend. You vow never to let him out of your scent agai.........................
26353	This puppet is becoming a nuisance. It appears to exhibit the same incredible puppet fastness properties which Dave's had. Must be some form of universal puppet enchantment. It couldn't possibly be the same one, because that would just be insane.
26354	Hey, where did Pyralspite go???
26355	There he is. How'd he get all the way up there? He has always been quite the slippery scalawag.
26356	Maybe he was reminding you to check out the note. You almost forgot is was up there, what with all your furious investigating. Most of which has involved fooling around with records, hugging plush toys and cosplaying as a childhood heroine.
26357	Just as you thought. It is a message from Vriska summoning you to do battle. It is written in Gamzee's rich jelly-smelling blood, but it is her handwriting for sure. Her quirk is present, leaving the matter unde88a8le.
26358	But why the hell does she want you to bring this stupid puppet along? She's so weird.
26359	There is a journal entry on the back. It probably isn't the slightest bit relevant to the current situation, but you guess it couldn't hurt to read it anyway.
26360	I suppose I'll have to get used to writing with this hand instead.
26361	I now do so in captivity, while I 8ring my awe to 8ear on the immensity of the Su8juggl8or's high jinx. I took their gesture as plain avowal of my prosecution's futility. With a lone neophyte assigned to the task, how could I view it otherwise? I was sure they'd drawn from the 8ottom of their deck, not intending to squander more competent mercenaries on one who'd made a show of outclassing them all 8efore. 8ut I discovered too l8 that Redglare was their wild card all along.
26362	How is one allowed to 8e raised 8y a dragon in this era? Let alone one of such middling 8lood, the sickly hue of a gutless civil servant. Those of her caste are typically pleased to mount a sluggish choler8ear, or some 8rainless squawking spleenfowl during petty expeditions to plaster seizure notices on gam8lignant property. 8y what fluke was this woman granted such a weapon, permitting her to luxuri8 in these delusions of righteousness?
26363	Something 8locked the light of the un8itten moon, treating the har8or to darkness more grim than what fell this season's apogee. I made the mistake of looking into its eyes, each like a sun concentr8ted into a small jewel, as two hot garnets searing through a 8lack veil. I shut mine quickly, 8ut the more sensitive of them was 8urned irrepara8ly. When I regained sight in the other, there was only red. My fleet was in flames. The neophyte was on deck. Pyralspite, she mentioned through her ridiculous forced grin. She wanted me to know the name of the 8east which was a8le to consume my lusus whole.
26364	My dice were in the hold 8elow, not that my present luck would consent to a favora8le roll anyway. I made a move for my 8lade. She took my arm, which I'm sure she kept as the tiniest of snacks for her ostent8ious custodian. May8e she meant to prove she wouldn't need me in irons to have my su8mission?
26365	8ound or free.
26366	Two, one or none.
26367	I wonder how well she knows it's not what I do with my arms she has to fear?
26368	I aw8 my trial.
26369	Much fanfare was made of the trial. More than I would have dared to hope. It seems my luck has 8een returning of l8.
26370	The High8loods surely intended to make a spectacle of my conviction. They filled the court8lock with peasants ravenous for the comeuppance of a 8lue 8lood. I wasn't a8out to deny them what they came for.
26371	It was kind of the authorities to supply me with phalanx of such impressiona8le spect8ors. The weak wills were nearly as thick in the air as the rust in their veins. Funny how my other senses seem to have piqued since exchanging glances with the dragon. What an extraordinary specimen. How I've come to covet the creature since it ruined my fleet. I know too well the whispers of a dangerous new infatu8tion when they 8eckon. 8ut I digress.
26372	It was simple enough to nudge the hostility of the low8loods from one aristocrat to another. The su8juggl8ors could not have 8een pleased, 8ut nor could they have 8een altogether unamused, I would expect. I wonder if this was part of their unfathoma8le game? I'll never understand their riddles.
26373	I only regret I didn't get to hear the opening st8ment the neophyte had prepared against me. The case she compiled from all that evidence she 8urned must have been damning. I 8et her remarks would have stung worse than when she severed my arm. She certainly would have shown me gr8ter mercy 8y taking the other instead!
26374	Alas, I mock to disguise the extent of my regret.
26375	Had my escape not necessit8ed her demise, she would have made a lovely rival. If she'd only discarded her childish preoccup8tion with justice, we might have made a striking scourge. Had we inched 8lacker we'd have torn red miles across the land and sea. Unfortun8ly, the only miles to 8e found through her 8ureaucratic calling were those of red tape. When so ensnared, one is eventually 8ound to 8e choked.
26376	With the court8lock cleared, all that remained to o8struct my freedom was His Honora8le Tyranny himself.
26377	Upon reflection, Redglare showed the foresight of a true seer in thieving my arm 8efore the trial.
26378	It permitted a fair fight.
26379	Though I was free, I had no fleet. No matter. With the gam8lignants decim8ed, I'd em8raced the turn in fortune and pledged to put my seagrifting ways 8ehind me. With any luck, the skies will 8e my future. My thoughts again returned to that dragon.
26380	8ut first, I was in need of temporary refuge. I sought it with the expatri8.
26381	He owed me for the sweeps of protection I provided after his 8razen defiance of the High8loods. It was perhaps the only such courageous stand ever taken against a superior 8y one of his supercilious pedigree, and I'd not have 8othered sticking my neck out for another. 8ut the admir8ion he'd won naturally wore thin as he persistently 8emoaned his treason and 8anishment, and I was saddened to find this ha8it holding "STRONG" even now. I wonder if he still 8elieves she was worth it?
26382	Repairing my arm would go a little further in squaring his de8t with me. Even if I came with 8oth intact I might have ripped one off and put him to the task just to halt to his 8lu88ering. Darkleer was always a skilled machinist and the work proved an adequ8 distraction. So pacified, he listened to what I had to say, a8out my recent travails with the law, and Pyralspite, and what I'd come for in truth - the treasure he'd 8een keeping safe for me.
26383	I cradled the oracle in my synthetic hand, as if appraising 8y w8 the mystic qualities it still concealed. With my vision 8fold seared away, I was as 8lind to its secrets as the old Doctor was to its present wherea8outs. I'd learned to keep it cloaked from the awareness of the man who once called me his protege, a 8ackhanded term of endearment from a smug manipul8or. Loc8ing his so called dark pockets was the only gam8it I had in countering his milktongued dou8lespeak. The expatri8 for indiscerni8le reasons seemed naturally surrounded 8y such a void in the Doctor's awareness, and so was uniquely fit to inherit the or8. The Doctor could not see his treasure, nor I into it.
26384	I considered what to do with it for a while. Should I find Pyralspite 8y consulting with the oracle, as I'd done so often to steal fortune from my adversaries? I guessed exploiting some technological means of gazing through its surface may have 8een simple enough, 8ut I hesit8ed. Every expedient granted 8y its counsel, though never instantly, came at a price. Knowing his n8ture, I'm surprised I only now recognize it as yet another instrument of his spurious 8enevolence, dangerous 8y way of selective divulgence. The sense of infalli8ility his oracle 8rought me was superficial, and in hindsight weakened my readiness. Knowing my f8 so far in advance, I took Redglare's threat lightly. The gr8est mistake I have ever made was asking the or8 when I would die.
26385	8ut as I revisited the prophecy surrounding this unfortun8 query, something struck me. I thought of the man I would have as a m8sprit centuries from now, who was said to command an army of 8easts. The one it called the summoner.
26386	If my o8session with the dragon should continue to 8urn for so long, would he 8e the one to assist me in taming it? I did not have enough knowledge to ask the right questions when I had the opportunity. Were that the case, I might have asked if it would 8e his rare a8ilities of communion that would 8ring Pyralspite under control. Would it 8e on account of my influence? And if so, would I exert this influence 8y taking his will, or winning his heart? These are details I would have given no second thought in drawing from the or8, my curiosity a force usually too much to quell. 8ut now...
26387	I have thought of the summoner often. I have 8een trou8led to know that as one so common 8looded, he could not possi8ly have hatched yet, nor will he wriggle from the caverns for many sweeps. So I must have p8tience to take up my role in his story of heroism. It is a tale which reads to me as though lifted from a child's story, yet I know I'd 8e a fool to dou8t its veracity entirely. He would rise through the ranks of the cavalreapers and assume command, having proven the most skilled and fearless of them. He would exhi8it a remarka8le pup8tion, the sort only recorded in myth, growing, or perhaps simply revealing, a striking pair of wings. His army thus inspired would spearhead a major re8ellion. Surely one at least on the scale of the sectarian revolt crushed 8y the High8loods, who thereafter for8ade its mention, or any invoc8tion of the heretical sym69ls at all, even in private journals. Which is why I will stick to the fa8le of the summoner, and not risk another execution with even o8lique reference to the compelling tale of the sufferer.
26388	Resolution to the summoner's mutiny is foggy, as I only understand what has 8een rel8ed to me through the 8rief answers I thought to solicit. Ultim8ely, the ire of the Condesce would 8e such that in the settling dust of the conflict, she would 8anish all from the homeworld, except the young. She would scatter all who reached maturity to the stars to fight her wars, I presume to keep them occupied, existing in a less centralized st8 from which such a coup may arise. This is still an incredi8le notion for me to consider, and I cannot imagine how she would come to enforce such an upheaval in our civiliz8tion. Though I suppose she will have on her side the advantage of an unparalleled lifespan, and the leverage extended 8y the hideous psychic prongs of her deep undul8ing monstrosity. That is, until it chooses another little witch to serve. Nevertheless, I take the prediction as truth, and find it amusing that a homeworld domin8ed 8y children will 8e the gr8 summoner's legacy. One of them, at least.
26389	More importantly, and less amusingly, his legacy will 8e my demise. You see, I first learned his name when I asked who would 8e the one to kill me.
26390	I have never spoken nor written of him out of contempt for the prophecy, 8ut do so here, in my final entry for this journal. I took this to 8e a pitia8le fate, and scoured the or8 for any means of escaping it, or at least, to salvage a little dignity from the tale of my downfall. Alas, it had no consol8tion for my vanity.
26391	8ut as I sit here deciding what to do with the damna8le little sphere, I understand my error. It was not in failing to chart a course through future events to turn my fortune's tide, even so many sweeps from now. It was in 8elieving the future was mine to know, and fortune mine to control. If this hero is meant to 8reathe life into my em8ittered heart, and if he is to earn the right to run it through, then so 8e it. For him, I will commit to this page my highest expect8tions. And for what precious uncertainty is left in my future, I renew my vigorous anticip8tion.
26392	The oracle I will resolve to part with. I will conceal it in a crypt 8earing the sign of the expatr8, with a map to its loc8tion hidden in this journal. To whomever finds it, 8e wary, for the truth it tells may leave its new keeper 8lind as I was. Though no more.
26393	AG: Hey Redglare. Nice outfit!
26394	GC: S4M3 TO YOU M1NDF4...
26395	GC: 1 M34N VR1SK4
26396	GC: 4S MUCH 4S 1T P41NS M3 TO 4DM1T, YOUR FRU1TY OR4NG3 F41RYSU1T SM3LLS...
26397	GC: D3L1C1OUS >:[
26398	AG: Thanks! I see you finally wised up and started taking this rivalry seriously.
26399	AG: It was hard to antagonize you properly while you refused to get in character! :::;)
26400	GC: 1 4M NOT 1N CH4R4CT3R!!! >:O
26401	GC: TH1S 1S S3R1OUS BUS1N3SS, VR1SK4
26402	GC: S33? 1 BROUGHT MY D34DLY C4N3 SWORD 4ND COOL CO1N 4ND 3V3RYTH1NG
26403	AG: Yes, I can see that. So you've come for revenge, then.
26404	AG: I thought we settled all this a long time ago?
26405	GC: NO, NOT R3V3NG3. JUST1C3! >:]
26406	GC: FOR TH3 D3SP1C4BL3 MURD3RS OF OUR 1NNOC3NT FR13NDS!
26407	AG: Murders? Like, plural?
26408	GC: VR1SK4, PL34S3. DO NOT TRY TO D3NY 1T. 1 FOUND TH3 3V1D3NC3
26409	GC: T4VROS, N3P3T4... 3V3N G4MZ33!!! 1 M34N R34LLY VR1SK4. G4MZ33?!
26410	GC: >:o[
26411	AG: Gamzee isn't dead, you dope!
26412	AG: He flipped out or something and now...
26413	AG: Well, yeah ok. There was like........
26414	AG: ONE murder I was responsi8le for.
26415	AG: You know Tavros? That was me.
26416	AG: I guess.
26417	AG: 8ut that's it! He's the only one I killed, just that one guy!
26418	GC: >:\
26419	GC: W3 BOTH KNOW YOU C4N'T B34T J4CK
26420	GC: 4LL TH4T W1LL H4PP3N 1S TH4T YOU W1LL L34D H1M H3R3 4ND H3 W1LL K1LL US 4LL
26421	GC: H3 W1LL FOLLOW YOUR SUG4RY P1X13 TR41L W1TH H1S K33N C4N1N3 SNOUT
26422	GC: 1 H4V3 4LR34DY S33N TH1S CONS3QU3NC3 1N MY M1NDS 3Y3
26423	AG: Fascin8ting! Why don't you tell me your terms already??
26424	AG: Forget my pixie trail. At this r8, my snoring will lead him to us!
26425	AG: Lol.
26426	GC: WH4T 1 PROPOS3 1S S1MPL3
26427	GC: 1 FL1P
26428	GC: H34DS, YOU ST4Y
26429	GC: SCR4TCH, YOU GO
26430	AG: You're kidding, right? You want LUCK to decide this?
26431	AG: May8e you forgot who you're dealing with. I am the Thief of Light.
26432	AG: You really expect me to lose a simple COIN FLIP?
26433	AG: I've got AAAAAAAALLLLLLLL THE LUCK, remem8er? >:::)
26434	GC: 1 D1D NOT FORG3T
26435	GC: WH4T W1LL 1T B3, M4RQU1S3?
26436	AG: ........
26437	AG: Just flip the fucking coin, Neophyte.
26438	The dÎsc is tø€ badly da™aged. You can no lcœger play Homeµ&uck.
26439	You arñ forzød to quit£² You will not be ab£‡ to resume plaÿing unless you can re¼áir the scrõtch in the dis.
26440	You will n««d to seek t÷e §ervice of so‰ê‡ne who is capaðle of fixing a scrath_
26441	A s¤ratch dØctor, if y†ù will.
26442	[You rang?
26443	That was a joke. Of course you didn't. I don't have a doorbell, remember?
26444	Haa haa, hee hee, hoo hoo.]
26445	Welcome to my apartment. I trust you'll find my voice is more palatable against this decor. I continue to be an excellent host.
26446	I'm expecting two more guests later. First one, and then another.
26447	Make yourself comfortable in the meantime. But don't touch the candy on the table. That is reserved for one of my guests.
26448	She really did a number on it, didn't she? It's virtually unplayable like this.
26449	What a shame. There are many moments trapped on this disc which you would have no doubt found to be quite exhilarating.
26450	It will take time, though. I estimate, by which I mean I am certain by way of omniscience, that when I am done we will have reached just shy of the green circle on the card above. I'm sure you have already presumed this mark represents the beginning of Act 6. The disc should be ready to run in time to witness the Critical Event, a confluence of thickly interwoven, aconcurrent circumstances which have been meticulously arranged by myself, influenced to a much lesser extent by you, and by an even more negligible degree, our heroes. The scratch will be healed in time to watch these heroes put into motion, yes, The Scratch itself.
26451	If you don't mind waiting here while I complete my repairs, I will tell the rest of the story. I will show you as well, as I recover data from the disc. But the visuals I supply will be nothing more than abbreviated snapshots, and my telling will be abridged.
26452	Immortality notwithstanding, I'm not going to live forever, you know.
26453	And since for once in my life, time is at a premium, let's get on with it. Where were we?
26454	Never mind, I figured it out instantly because of my unfathomable intellect, limitless knowledge, and mind boggling charisma. Granted, my charisma had less to do with it than the other qualities. But it didn't hurt, did it?
26455	Here, I'll show you.
26456	The Seer of Mind had challenged the Thief of Light to a simple game of chance.
26457	If the result was the undamaged side, the Thief would agree to stay. If not, she would "go."
26458	The result of the flip was left inconclusive, at which point you decided to pay me a visit.
26459	But the inconclusive should not be confused with the uncertain. The actual result was trivial; it was a constant across all timelines.
26460	The Thief used her abilities to steal the fortune of her opponent, and forced the flip to yield what she regarded as the most favorable outcome. The Seer anticipated this move, correctly.
26461	This is why I don't care much for gambling. While a sucker is born with each tick of the clock, a cheater is born with each tock betwixt.
26462	Also, because it is boring, and I am already a very wealthy man.
26463	The Seer relayed her terms through the generally understood argot of an assassin. The result "go," while at face value would suggest the Thief was allowed to leave, was actually the Seer's code word for the threat of death. This was obvious to everyone, including the Thief.
26464	While the Thief turned to fly away, making a show of claiming her prize, the Seer would stab her in the back the moment her guard was dropped. This was her plan. Not a particularly clever tactic in its own right, but its ingenuity didn't dwell in the novelty of the ruse, nor even the neutralized probabilities in the game of chance. Psychology was in play.
26465	Naturally, the Thief knew this was her intent all along. She knew the Seer would have understood the outcome to be rigged, and that she likely intended to kill her as a consequence of the fixed result. This was to be seen as an implicit dare to the Thief to allow the flip to fall fairly, something which the Seer knew the Thief's ego wouldn't allow.
26466	And the Seer knew the Thief knew all this as well.
26467	Just another pair of cheaters attempting to play with their cards face up. Amateurs.
26468	Each was gambling, not with any vehicle of probability, which had been eliminated from the equation, but with each other's intentions. The Thief indeed took the Seer's bait, stealing the luck needed to affect the flip in defiance of her dare. And in turning to leave, she then posed a dare of her own to the Seer, challenging her to back up the implied threat.
26469	This was the Thief's gamble. She wagered the Seer would not be able to go through with it.
26470	She was right.
26471	Well, almost. There's a bit more.
26472	But in order to understand its proper conclusion, we should first catch up with another of my other proteges, from whom I'm expecting a message shortly.
26473	The other Seer.
26474	The other Hero of Light.
26475	She flew away to take vengeance on the Noir this side of The Scratch. That is, the one less angry and dangerous. The one not yet unmotivated by a compelling duel.
26476	The Seer wouldn't win this duel.
26477	My apologies if this spoils the outcome for you. I can't speak as discreetly about such matters against this canvas.
26478	I warned my neophyte protege not to stare into that ball.
26479	I told her about stares.
26480	[8^y]
26481	I'll remind you that the pacing of my account will be characterized by a reduction in granularity from what you have come to expect by way of an undamaged disc. You will imagine the remainder of the duel to be sensational, and I will continue my steady distribution of facts as if they were pieces of candy, poured from a bottomless white hemisphere.
26482	The duel ends. The Seer dies. The Slayer departs. The Heir comes back to life.
26483	It would be disingenuous of me to present it as such, and I will not belittle your intelligence with such a tawdry narrative ploy. It would be rude, and I am too well dressed for that kind of behavior.
26484	If there truly stood some chance of permanence to the Heir's corpsehood, I can hear you asking now...
26485	And for that matter, what sort of story would this be, with our human Hero of Breath made to stay a cadaver? Definitely not one the alpha timeline would allow.
26486	If you'd forgotten the terms ruling the conditional immortality he won with his previous, similarly unceremonious impaling?
26487	By which we might laud his fall as heroic.
26488	To secure a death one may parse just.
26489	I'm reasonably convinced of this much. When the Hero of Breath dies for good, it won't be as a scoundrel.
26490	If I had served as his mentor directly, rather than as his mentor's mentor's mentor, he may have stood a fair chance of perpetrating something underhanded. At the very least, his jokes might have been better.
26491	The other Hero of Light. Always bugging him.
26492	Bugging and fussing and meddling.
26493	What's her deal?
26494	I mentioned there was a bit more to her story. I believe it's time to resume it.
26495	I trust you won't mind if I step away for a moment. I have important guests arriving very soon. If you need me, I'll be up here, making sure everything is in order, which it already is, and keeping an eye, which I don't have, on the clock, which I don't need.
26496	Apologies for my preoccupation. I have managed to pacify the rowdier of my two other guests with sugary little black dogs, so that I may continue my narration. But only briefly. In a moment, I will go stand over by my typewriter and teach my neophyte protege the consequences for taking advice from strange men over the internet, while I continue to attend to my second guest, who is you from an earlier point in the story.
26497	We met here in my apartment a little while ago. At that moment, I was busy hosting you from the future, who is you right now, but I did not mention this at the time. I would have introduced your past self to your future self and vice versa, but it is a well known fact that past and future selves tend not to get along. A good host would never tolerate the potential for discord among guests, and as hosts go, I am simply the best there is.
26498	Please don't be alarmed. Past you was just leaving.
26499	Where was I?
26500	The two Heroes of Light had challenged the same Jack Noir, the one straddling The Scratch and about twenty hours of his own time, to a circumstantially simultaneous pair of duels. Circumstantial simultaneity is a concept more complex than its temporal analogue, and is valuable for examining the properties of paradox space. It is the agent responsible for the major cosmic event which pre-extinction Alternians came to refer to as The Great Undoing. The same concept rules the innumerable lesser events by which this critical moment shall be catalyzed, including the break, my employer's arrival, the detonation of a very powerful bomb, and my own death. It is an abstraction weaving together the fortunes of otherwise perfectly disparate chronologies, such as those bound to a pair of distinct sessions. It's not fully comprehensible to a mortal mind, and the length I will go to explain it to you will not extend beyond this sentence.
26501	The Slayer was, for the moment, unmotivated by the Thief's motion for a compelling duel. This side of The Scratch, he opted for a more ruthless and calculating policy of extermination. On his arrival, not about to repeat the mistakes leading to his banishment, he quickly obliterated all twelve planets, followed by Prospit and Derse, to weed out those who might outsmart him in the same manner.
26502	With as little fanfare, he seized the opportunity to follow the Thief's trail quickly before it dissipated, and destroyed their hideout in the veil.
26503	He would soon return for the duel she wanted.
26504	Again, sorry for the interruption. My conversation with the girl ran a bit long, slightly exceeding the one second I scheduled for it.
26505	This is where events begin to outpace my awareness. The deeper into this dark pocket we explore, the more I will be forced to speculate. I rarely have cause to rely on probability, but luckily for you, my guesses are better than anybody's.
26506	I have always believed that a good storyteller should keep a comprehensive record of past events on hand. A scrapbook of personal significance, for instance, from which he may piece together current moments from past ones of a similar, if not identical nature. It's more efficient.
26507	It's also logical, since there is essentially nothing new in paradox space. Everything that can happen is either a visual or substantive reproduction of something which has already transpired on a timeline, offshoot or otherwise.
26508	And if I'm going speculate on this duel, I might as well make use of earlier clippings.
26509	For the Slayer, this was round one against the Hero of Light.
26510	All I really need to do is flip it turn-ways, like so, and we have...
26511	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/exclamation.gif" border="0" />
26512	And just as probably, due to her impressive hoard of stolen fortune, she would have a 100% chance of rolling the most favorable result.
26513	Ordinarily, this result would be almost impossibly improbable. The odds of the roll would be 1 in 16,777,216, to be specific.
26514	And to be less specific, 1 in...
26515	Where y = 8.
26516	[Hee hee.]
26517	But challenged, if my guess is right.
26518	Challenged by one claiming godhood before reaping the prodigious spoils from striking down a formidable endgame foe. One with the guile of a cheater, the luck of a Clover, the hubris of her mentor, and the drive known only to the pathologically competitive.
26519	I believe he'd be challenged, yes...
26520	But not outmatched.
26521	As one who shares the Slayer's source of power, my projection must give him the unambiguous advantage. But even so...
26522	(That didn't stop being a thing that was true or anything.)
26523	I'm reasonably sure that if I was,
26524	Let's pull back from this ever narrowing dark pocket. All this uncertainty is wearing thinner than the only pair of pants in an immortal's wardrobe.
26525	I've never much enjoyed navigating the vortices of alternative possibility. The path which alone has my absolute mastery is the alpha timeline, a continuum I define as that which boasts exclusive rights both to my birth and to my death, two circumstantially simultaneous events. Any divergence from this path to my knowing will taper into blackness like rotting roots. But if I was a Seer, such offshoots would be fully within my domain. And if I was a Seer of Mind in particular, synaptic causality would be my specialty.
26526	A Seer of Mind would have given you a more reliable account, perhaps. But then, she would do many things I wouldn't.
26527	A Seer would support her allies in battle not with her weapons, but her vision. She would sift through dross of her comrades' poor tactical inclinations and examine the grim consequences. A Seer would not charge into the fray headlong but direct it as a conductor with a baton. She would have the sight to eschew the obvious gambits, and find the path to victory disguised cleverly as setback, or even imminent defeat. She would behold the fortunes of friends and foes in totality, and appraise the contrivance of luck itself. She would know its mines were not to be plundered, but simply explored and charted carefully.
26528	A true Seer would know where luck is a given, where it is absent, and most importantly, where it doesn't matter at all.
26529	And she would know victory doesn't matter in a reality where all else is doomed to fail.
26530	What sort of story would this be, with our Knight and Seer made to stay cadavers? Certainly not one the alpha timeline would allow.
26531	And not one she'd allow either.
26532	AG: John!!!!!!!!
26533	AG: You're heading into the 8lackout, so I won't 8e a8le to see you until you leave.
26534	AG: 8ut don't worry, I can still sense you are there. 8ecause of awesome powers, remem8er?
26535	AG: Smooth move, ditching your computer like that, 8y the way. That was some incredi8le leadership you showed!
26536	AG: Now I have to contact you through Rose, thus exposing me to the risk of actually having to taaaaaaaalk to her........
26537	AG: Your carelessness has put the Heroes of Light in a very awkward position, John. I hope you're satisfied.
26538	AG: Hahahaha, just kidding. She's o8viously a little too "preoccupied" at the moment to 8e sassing me.
26539	AG: Just 8orrow her computer and talk to me when you get the chance, ok?
26540	AG: I will 8e waiting. ::::)
26541	AG: ........
26542	AG: ........x8
26543	AG: ........x8x8x8x8x8x8x8!!!!!!!!
26544	AG: All of the dots, John. All 16.777216 million of them.
26545	AG: Still dead, huh?
26546	AG: Or are you too 8usy weeping over her corpse to pick up that headset and answer me????????
26547	AG: You can't fool me, John. I know you are not staying dead for long.
26548	AG: And it is not just 8ecause I can clearly see you're alive in the future! ::::P
26549	AG: You see, we are 8oth the 8est there is, and therefore we have special privileges when it comes to mortality.
26550	AG: It's hard to keep a god dead for good. We can only die under very specific circumstances. Didn't I mention?
26551	AG: Nothing too glorious a8out the way you just died, I 8et.
26552	AG: Let me guess, even after all my lessons, you allowed yourself to get sucker sta88ed, right? Pretty lame!
26553	AG: I mean, lucky for you it was lame. I guess 8eing lame pays off when dying a hero's what gets you killed.
26554	AG: If our Hero of 8reath reached god tier, he would have 8een completely indestructi8le! Lol.
26555	AG: Damn, I forgot, I was going to stop ripping on that guy, since he got sta88ed through the chest and died. Haha, whoops.
26556	AG: Anyway, I figure you're pro8a8ly safe from a just death too, since I'm pretty sure you haven't done anything all that despica8le.
26557	AG: Yet. ::::)
26558	AG: I don't know for sure, 8ut I'm 8etting that if I go to fight Jack, it will wipe out all the 8ad things I've done.
26559	AG: I think if I die it'll 8e a hero's death, so it ought to stick.
26560	AG: Pretty good motiv8tion to win the fight though, don't you think?
26561	AG: One way or another, I think this will 8e my last 8ig challenge as a gamer.
26562	AG: As such, I would like to pass my dice on to you.
26563	AG: It is very important to me that they stay in good hands, John. That you continue their legacy, and that of my ancestor.
26564	AG: 82THE8TH
26565	AG: Use the code! I'm sure I can count on you to make something awesome with it.
26566	AG: Still not alive yet? Man.
26567	AG: You 8etter hurry up! She pro8a8ly doesn't have much time left.
26568	AG: Trust me, what she's going through on Derse right now isn't much fun.
26569	AG: Ok, I guess I should mention why I'm trying to contact you now of all times, rather than just skipping ahead.
26570	AG: Remem8er how we talked a8out your 8ackup plan? The one you have devised to defeat Jack, in the off chance I fail?
26571	AG: Well, it's not going to work if Rose is dead, is it?
26572	AG: You have to wake her up! 8reathe some life into her. Do the windy thing, with your lips!!!!!!!!
26573	AG: You know what that means........
26574	AG: Gotta kiss her.
26575	AG: Don't worry, I still can't see you, so there is no reason to 8e 8ashful or anything.
26576	AG: And since we are a couple of professionals here who are focused on winning, we 8oth know it doesn't have any meaning.
26577	AG: It's not l8ke I would 8e jealous even if I could see.
26578	AG: Why wo8ld I 8e?
26579	AG: Or may8e that didn't even cr8ss your mind........ haha.
26580	AG: M8n, why am I ev8n t8lking a8out th8s.
26581	AG: Let's just forget I said that. This isn't really how I wanted this convers8tion to go!
26582	AG: I guess I was assuming you'd 8e talking 8ack 8y now. So now I'm just talking and talking and spinning my wheel device like an idiot.
26583	AG: May8e I don't actually know how I wanted it to go.
26584	AG: I guess I could just shut up and skip ahead on your timeline a little, talk to you when you're alive.
26585	AG: That would make sense.
26586	AG: So
26587	AG: I guess
26588	AG: I will do that.
26589	AG: 8ut then........
26590	AG: May8e if I did, I wouldn't actually say what I wanted to say.
26591	AG: So
26592	AG: I will just say it.
26593	AG: To 8e honest, I am nervous a8out this fight.
26594	AG: 8ut I'm still going through with it, for a lot of reasons.
26595	AG: To save my friends, or at least the ones who are still alive. Oh, and I guess to save reality itself from 8eing totally fucked up. There's that too.
26596	AG: 8ut I think what's motiv8ting me to win this fight the most is........
26597	AG: The possi8ility of getting to meet you when it's all over!
26598	AG: May8e I can finally put all this terri8le stuff 8ehind me.
26599	AG: And I won't have to worry a8out 8eing the 8est anymore, or proving what a ruthless killer I can 8e.
26600	AG: May8e I can try out whatever is supposed to 8e normal for a human. Who knows, it might not 8e as 8oring as it sounds!
26601	AG: May8e
26602	AG: If you're not too freaked out 8y all the 8ad things I've done........
26603	AG: Or the fact that I am an alien
26604	AG: We could go on a d8? ::::O
26605	AG: Don't worry, it could 8e a human d8, whatever that entails.
26606	AG: No weird alien stuff, I promise! And no killing or murders, or even talking a8out killing or murders and such. Just whatever you like to talk a8out and think is cool.
26607	AG: I could even 8e persu8ed to watch more of your a8surd human films.
26608	AG: Do you like any others which feature that rugged human with the long hair and wounded arm?
26609	AG: You know the one. The sweaty guy with the mutil8ed animal and the speech impediment.
26610	AG: Those would 8e tolera8le to watch, I 8et.
26611	AG: Well, think it over.
26612	AG: 8efore I go, I'll get in touch one more time l8er on, when you're alive and may8e have something to say a8out it.
26613	AG: Oh yeah........
26614	AG: Sorry a8out your adult male guardian. I wasn't trying to 8e deceptive 8y not telling you.
26615	AG: I decided not to, 8ecause I didn't want to 8e the one to make you sad a8out it.
26616	AG: Was that selfish of me? I dunno.
26617	AG: You would have found out regardless. Like we all did. There are things we care a8out that we just have to leave 8ehind.
26618	AG: It just sucks for those who aren't in as much a hurry to leave it all 8ehind as me!
26619	AG: W8.
26620	AG: Someone's coming, hang on.
26621	AG: Oh god.
26622	AG: She's wearing her RP outfit! What the hell is she up to?
26623	AG: Man, she's got her dum8 dragon doll and everything. Guess she means 8usiness this time.
26624	AG: Dammit, I've got to go deal with this now.
26625	AG: Anyway, if you actually get around to reading any of this, thanks for listening, John.
26626	AG: If my outrageously gr8 luck has any say in the matter, we will 8e meeting up in no time!
26627	AG: Just please consider what I said.
26628	AG: Ok........
26629	AG: L8r! <33333333
26630	Oh, for crying out loud.
26631	Curt manners. Egregious womanizing. Murdering the help. Casual arson.
26632	But it is the desecration of a priceless timepiece where I must draw the line. I'm afraid I must now insist that you take your beating quite personally.
26633	TT: vriska, wait!
26634	TT: oops, hold on.
26635	EB: hey, are you there?
26636	EB: i did what you said...
26637	EB: but i can't tell if it worked.
26638	EB: hello?
26639	EB: you didn't fly off to fight jack yet, did you?
26640	EB: i hope not.
26641	EB: anyway, all that stuff you said sounds fun to me, i have hells of the cage flicks in my library.
26642	EB: i do not even care that you're an alien! you see, cage is the universal constant which unites us all.
26643	EB: well...
26644	EB: if you haven't flown away...
26645	EB: i will look forward to your message in the future.
26646	EB: it would be nice to talk, about...
26647	EB: all this stuff that happened.
26648	EB: anyway, bye.
26649	AG: OH GOD.
26650	EB: hey!
26651	AG: OH MY FUCKING HELL, THIS IS SO INSANELY AWKWARD AND SAD.
26652	EB: what is???
26653	AG: HANG ON
26654	CG: HEY.
26655	EB: karkat!
26656	EB: that was you?
26657	EB: where is vriska?
26658	CG: SHE
26659	EB: she what?
26660	CG: SHIT
26661	CG: I FEEL LIKE AN ASSHOLE FOR READING THIS WHOLE THING.
26662	EB: what whole thing?
26663	EB: you mean, what she wrote?
26664	CG: YEAH
26665	EB: why are you snooping around her computer!
26666	CG: BECAUSE
26667	CG: WOW OK
26668	CG: SO LET ME ASK.
26669	CG: DID YOU BOTH ACTUALLY LIKE EACH OTHER.
26670	EB: um...
26671	CG: LIKE I MEAN SOMETHING VAGUELY RESEMBLING ACTUAL GENUINE MUTUAL SENTIMENT OR WHATEVER, NOT SOME LOPSIDED PINING BULLSHIT.
26672	EB: what are you talking about?
26673	CG: DID YOU LIKE HER, YOU WINDSOCK HEADED SHITMOUTH.
26674	CG: IS WHAT I'M ASKING
26675	EB: well...
26676	EB: yeah. why?
26677	CG: OK
26678	CG: THAT'S FINE
26679	CG: THEN
26680	CG: WE'LL TALK ABOUT IT LATER.
26681	EB: talk about what?
26682	CG: I NEED YOU TO BE ABLE TO THINK STRAIGHT.
26683	CG: WE HAVE IMPORTANT SHIT TO GO OVER, AND I DON'T HAVE MUCH TIME.
26684	EB: alright.
26685	EB: like what?
26686	CG: PLANS.
26687	EB: what plans?
26688	CG: NEVER MIND THAT. FIRST, GET OUT OF THE FUCKING BLACKOUT TO A PLACE WHERE I CAN SEE YOU.
26689	CG: LEAVE NOW, I'LL CONTACT YOU IN A WHILE, ONCE YOU'VE LANDED.
26690	EB: landed where?
26691	CG: LOHAC. OBVIOUSLY.
26692	EB: oh, obviously.
26693	CG: WELL HOW ELSE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING TO CAUSE THE SCRATCH, IDIOT.
26694	CG: DO YOU EVEN HAVE ANY CLUE WHAT'S GOING ON?
26695	CG: WAIT, OF COURSE YOU DON'T, YOU ARE WEARING PAJAMAS AND GIGGLING AT CLOUDS LIKE EACH ONE WAS SHAPED LIKE THE RUDEST BIT OF NAKED ANATOMY A HUMAN CAN RECOGNIZE.
26696	EB: no i'm not!
26697	EB: i mean, yes, i am wearing some pretty nice pajamas.
26698	EB: but i know lots of things, like about the tumor, which i have already recovered...
26699	EB: wait, i mean the tumor
26700	EB: wait, fuck.
26701	EB: i mean...
26702	EB: oh screw it, you know, the big bomb, and some other stuff like that, i am totally in the loop.
26703	CG: GREAT, AWESOME, NOW GET GOING.
26704	EB: so i have to cause the scratch, huh?
26705	CG: OK, I'M DONE HERE. TALK TO YOU IN ONE SECOND FOR ME, ONE LONG WINDY FUCKING JOURNEY FOR YOU.
26706	CG: OK
26707	EB: hi!
26708	CG: LET'S GET DOWN TO BUSINESS.
26709	EB: aren't you going to ask me how my journey was?
26710	CG: NO.
26711	EB: it was long! and windy. but a lot of fun.
26712	EB: i really like flying, it's so much fun.
26713	CG: OH, I BET IT IS JUST THE BIGGEST FUCKING BLAST A GUY CAN HAVE WITHOUT A PAIR OF SHAME GLOBES SECURED IN HIS TWO TREMBLING FISTS.
26714	EB: you... haven't tried it?
26715	CG: EVERY DOUCHE GOT TO FLY BUT ME, EVEN THE CRIPPLE.
26716	CG: MAY HE REST IN PEACE, I FUCKING GUESS.
26717	EB: :\
26718	EB: wait, is that the guy who vriska killed?
26719	CG: OH GOD, YOU ACTUALLY KNOW ABOUT THAT?
26720	CG: YOU KNOW WHAT, I GIVE THE FUCK UP TRYING TO UNDERSTAND YOU AND HER.
26721	EB: haha, why?
26722	CG: EGBERT, GOD DAMNIT. WILL YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH AND LISTEN?
26723	EB: ok.
26724	EB: but...
26725	EB: is something wrong?
26726	CG: WHAT
26727	EB: a while ago you talked to me and it sounded like you were in danger, and it sounds like some people died, but you never told me what happened!
26728	EB: then i got distracted by a lot of crazy stuff.
26729	CG: YEAH, SOMETHING IS WRONG
26730	CG: OR, WAS.
26731	CG: A BUNCH OF US DIED, THE END.
26732	CG: I DON'T REALLY WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.
26733	EB: oh.
26734	EB: are you sure?
26735	CG: YES, AND NOT JUST BECAUSE, OH, THE CLOCK IS RAPIDLY TICKING DOWN TO SOMETHING WE'RE CALLING THE CRITICAL MOMENT, AND NO, I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS, SO CLOSE YOUR REEKING QUESTION GEYSER BEFORE IT ASKS.
26736	EB: but, i'm your friend. aren't i?
26737	CG: OH GOD.
26738	EB: well?
26739	CG: JOHN, I CAN'T HANDLE TALKING ABOUT IT, OK.
26740	CG: I JUST GOT DONE
26741	CG: UH
26742	CG: DEALING WITH GAMZEE
26743	CG: AND I'M FEELING PRETTY EMOTIONAL ABOUT IT. SO PLEASE, NO.
26744	EB: who is gamzee?
26745	CG: HE WAS MY BEST FRIEND.
26746	EB: really? i thought terezi was your best friend.
26747	EB: or wait, maybe she was your girlfriend, i forget...
26748	CG: MY THINK PAN, IT HURTS
26749	CG: IT IS PRESENTLY THREATENING TO MAKE ME ITS BITCH, JOHN. IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?
26750	CG: DO YOU WANT YOUR COOL ALIEN PAL TO BECOME THE BITCH OF A RAW, THROBBING THINK PAN?????
26751	CG: SUCH IS THE SCENARIO BEFORE US.
26752	EB: sorry, i don't mean to be nosy. i just want to know some things about your situation!
26753	EB: i am concerned.
26754	CG: GAMZEE WAS MY VERY GOOD FRIEND, WHO WAS THIS GOOFY LOVEABLE BULLSHIT CLOWN UNTIL HE WENT PSYCHO AND KILLED SOME PEOPLE. I LIKED HIM A LOT.
26755	CG: I DON'T KNOW, I GUESS MY BEST FRIEND IS REALLY JUST THE GUY WHO I HAPPEN TO BE FEELING MOST SENTIMENTAL TO AT THE MOMENT, IS THAT A FUCKING CRIME.
26756	EB: heh, no.
26757	EB: i think i know how you feel.
26758	EB: so he killed some people... and then what?
26759	CG: SO THEN I
26760	EB: it's ok, you can tell me.
26761	CG: JOHN, TRUST ME. YOU WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND.
26762	CG: IT'S JUST A TROLL THING, HUMANS WOULDN'T GET IT.
26763	CG: YOU MIGHT THINK I WAS A SHIT HEAD, AND I CAN'T DEAL WITH THAT NOW ON TOP OF EVERYTHING, SO LET'S DROP IT.
26764	EB: hmm.
26765	EB: ok, if you say so.
26766	EB: oh!!!
26767	EB: i can't believe i almost forgot, i've been dying to know since i left the battlefield...
26768	EB: do you know if rose is ok?
26769	EB: did it work???
26770	CG: SHE'S FINE.
26771	CG: SHE WOKE UP ALIVE ON DERSE.
26772	EB: really??
26773	CG: THAT'S THE RULE, JOHN. YOU KISS A DEAD PLAYER IN TIME, AND THEIR DREAM SELF TAKES OVER, ASSUMING THEY STILL HAVE ONE.
26774	EB: oh, wow.
26775	CG: IT'S INCREDIBLE YOU REACHED GOD TIER STATUS WITHOUT EVEN UNDERSTANDING THE MORE MUNDANE MEANS OF RESURRECTION AVAILABLE.
26776	CG: WAIT, YOUR UNFAILING CLUELESSNESS MAKES IT THE OPPOSITE OF INCREDIBLE, MY MISTAKE.
26777	EB: so, i guess...
26778	EB: it would not have worked on my dad then?
26779	EB: or rose's mom... :(
26780	CG: NO, BUT THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I WANTED TO PICTURE HAPPENING BEHIND THE BLACK CURTAIN, JOHN.
26781	CG: YOU SNOGGING UP YOUR DEAD HATTED MAN LUSUS. THANK YOU FOR THAT MENTAL IMAGE.
26782	CG: OR ROSE'S ADULT WOMAN LUSUS. MAYBE A DEAD WOMAN SWEEPS YOUR SENIOR IS MORE YOUR CUP OF SAUCE, SINCE APPARENTLY YOU ARE "NOT A HOMOSEXUAL", WHATEVER THAT EVEN MEANS, NOT EVEN TO SPEAK OF YOUR RACE'S ABSURD QUALMS WITH THE NOTION OF INCEST, WHICH AGAIN, STILL SORT OF WONDERING HOW THAT CAN EVEN BE A THING.
26783	EB: er...
26784	CG: IS THAT YOUR GAME, EGBERT. HAVE YOU HAD YOUR EYE ON MADAME LALONDE, AND YOU'VE BEEN WAITING FOR A CONVENIENT RESURRECTION OPPORTUNITY TO BUST OUT YOUR MOST PASSIONATE SMOOCHMOTIFS KEPT IN RESERVE? AND IN FRONT OF HER DEAD FEMALE "OFFSPRING" NO LESS! JUST SHAMEFUL.
26785	EB: well...
26786	EB: she is a very pretty lady, but that seems like a really inappropriate thing to think about, karkat.
26787	CG: YOU DON'T SAY!
26788	CG: WHAT ARE WE EVEN TALKING ABOUT ANYMORE
26789	EB: i don't know!
26790	EB: i am frankly pretty upset about finding them dead in the magic castle, and i guess i was wondering aloud if something could have been done.
26791	EB: or at least maybe to talk about it, without angry tirades being involved.
26792	CG: EXACTLY, YOU WERE EMBARKING DOWN TRAGEDY LANE, AND WE'VE GOT TO STAMP THAT GARBAGE OUT.
26793	CG: WE CAN'T HAVE YOU GETTING ALL MOROSE WHILE WE'VE GOT SO MANY IRONS IN THE FIRE.
26794	CG: FUCK, LOADED PHRASE, FORGET I SAID THAT.
26795	CG: JUST CLAM YOUR SHIT UP AND FORGET YOUR STUPID GUARDIAN, LIKE I DID WITH MY DEAR CRAB MONSTER CUSTODIAN, WHO I ADORED IN NO WAY WHATSOEVER.
26796	EB: you are being a douche!!!
26797	EB: wait, what am i saying, you are always a douche, hehe.
26798	CG: YES, THANK YOU.
26799	EB: heheheheh, your dad was a crab monster?
26800	CG: SHUT THE FUCK UP.
26801	CG: WE WERE TALKING ABOUT SOMETHING IMPORTANT.
26802	CG: ROSE, REMEMBER.
26803	EB: yes.
26804	CG: SHE IS WAITING ON DERSE FOR YOUR BOMB TO BE DELIVERED.
26805	CG: IT WILL ARRIVE SAFELY, A LITTLE LATER.
26806	EB: oh, great!
26807	EB: how do you know it gets there?
26808	CG: JADE TOLD ME.
26809	CG: JADE FROM FURTHER AHEAD ON YOUR TIMELINE.
26810	CG: BEFORE MY PIECE OF SHIT CLOWN-BRO MADE EVERYTHING TERRIBLE HERE, SHE AND I WERE HAMMERING OUT THESE PLANS.
26811	CG: I TALKED TO HER ACROSS PRETTY MUCH THE FULL SPREAD OF HER TIMELINE, UNTIL THE SCRATCH STARTS AND THE FEED CUTS OUT.
26812	CG: SO I HAVE A SENSE OF THE WHOLE PICTURE HERE, AND IT'S MY JOB NOW TO PUT SOME THINGS INTO MOTION.
26813	EB: that's cool!
26814	EB: it's nice to hear you are working together. i should pester jade and see what she's up too...
26815	CG: YOU SHOULD SIT YOUR ASS TIGHT AND DO THE FUCK WHAT I TELL YOU THE FUCK TO FUCKING DO.
26816	EB: oh...
26817	CG: ANYWAY, SHE AND DAVE DO A LOT OF FROG BREEDING, ACCELERATING THE PROCESS SIGNIFICANTLY BY EXPLOITING TIME TRAVEL, WITH HELP FROM ME AND KANAYA, SINCE WE WERE IN CHARGE OF FROG DUTIES IN OUR SESSION.
26818	EB: frog duties???
26819	EB: wait, which one is kanaya again?
26820	CG: DON'T INTERRUPT, I AM FOLLOWING A TRAIN OF THOUGHT.
26821	CG: OK, KANAYA IS MY OTHER BEST FRIEND, AND SHE WAS THE HERO OF SPACE LIKE JADE WHICH MEANS SHE'S THE STOKER OF THE FORGE AND IS BASICALLY IN CHARGE OF FROGS, WHICH SOUNDS RETARDED, I KNOW. YOU BREED THE RIGHT FROG TO MAKE THE UNIVERSE YOU WANT TO MAKE, WHICH IS A LONG ARDUOUS PROCESS AND I KIND OF FUCKED IT UP IN MY GAME, BUT THAT'S A WHOLE OTHER STORY WHICH I'LL GET TO LATER, OK?
26822	EB: wow. ok.
26823	CG: SHE AND DAVE RAN INTO JACK, WHICH I'M SURE HE MUST HAVE SAW COMING BECAUSE I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYONE EXPLOIT TIME TRAVEL SO SHAMELESSLY AS HIM, NOT EVEN ARADIA.
26824	EB: aradia?
26825	CG: JUST ANOTHER DEAD TROLL, WHO CARES.
26826	EB: :(
26827	CG: STOP FROWNING, SHE WAS ALREADY DEAD BEFORE SHE DIED.
26828	EB: ...
26829	EB: :(
26830	CG: SO SHE AND DAVE FOUGHT WITH HIM A WHILE, AND LONG STORY SHORT, HE DIED.
26831	EB: what!!!
26832	CG: BUT IT'S FINE, I GUESS THAT WAS HIS PLAN, LIKE SOME BIZARRE USELESS LAST STAND, EVEN IF HE DIDN'T TELL JADE WHO WAS PRETTY FREAKED OUT UNTIL I TALKED HER THROUGH IT.
26833	EB: did she kiss him too? :O
26834	CG: YEAH.
26835	CG: RIGHT THERE, WHILE JACK WATCHED LIKE A FUCKING CREEP.
26836	CG: BUT IT WORKED.
26837	EB: omg, karkat. it is like your shitty shipping grid is coming true before our very eyes.
26838	EB: haha, remember when you made that ugly thing?
26839	CG: WHO GIVES A FUCK ABOUT SHIPPING, OR MY LUDICROUS STRANGLEHOLD OVER ALL TOPICS CONCERNING ROMANCE, I'M STILL TALKING.
26840	CG: HE WOKE UP ALIVE ON DERSE, AND MET WITH ROSE.
26841	CG: THAT WAS THE END OF THE LINE FOR ALPHA DAVE. TO MY KNOWLEDGE, HE DOESN'T TIME TRAVEL AFTER THAT, AND HE AND ROSE STAY ON DERSE WAITING FOR THE BOMB UNTIL YOU START THE SCRATCH. BUT I CAN'T SEE EITHER OF THEM BECAUSE OF THE BLACKOUT LINGERING AROUND ROSE FOR WHATEVER REASON. NOBODY KNOWS WHAT'S UP WITH THAT.
26842	CG: REGARDLESS, HIS JOB IS TO PLOT A COURSE THROUGH THE RING TO FIND THE SUN.
26843	CG: WHEN HE DOES, EITHER HE OR ROSE WILL DELIVER THE BOMB.
26844	CG: I DON'T KNOW WHICH.
26845	EB: but now they don't have dream selves left!
26846	EB: who ever goes will be risking their life for good, won't they?
26847	CG: THAT WOULD BE THE LOGICAL EXTENSION OF THOSE FACTS, YES.
26848	EB: this is unacceptable!
26849	EB: couldn't i do it?
26850	EB: i am apparently immortal, because of this god tier business, so the bomb probably would not kill me!
26851	CG: OK, BUT DON'T YOU THINK THERE'S A REMOTE POSSIBILITY THAT GOING ON A SUICIDE MISSION TO SAVE ALL OF REALITY WOULD COUNT AS A HEROIC DEATH?
26852	EB: hmm...
26853	EB: maybe i could try to be not all that brave while i do it?
26854	CG: YOU ASSHOLE, OF COURSE YOU'D BE BRAVE. THAT TENDS TO BE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DO SOMETHING REALLY FUCKING COURAGEOUS.
26855	EB: yeah.
26856	EB: i just don't want to lose anybody else is all.
26857	CG: THAT'S JUST HOW IT IS. I'VE LOST FRIENDS FOR WAY MORE POINTLESS REASONS. YOU'RE ALL OUT OF OPTIONS HERE.
26858	CG: YOU'D BE RISKING DEATH JUST AS MUCH AS THEY WOULD, AND THEY'RE BETTER QUALIFIED TO HANDLE THE MISSION AS THE DERSE DREAMERS.
26859	CG: JADE'S DREAM SELF IS DEAD TOO, SO SHE'S OUT. OR TO BE MORE SPECIFIC, HER DREAM SELF IS AN OVERLY EMOTIONAL DOG WHO WENT OFF WHIMPERING SOMEWHERE. I'M PRETTY SURE SHE WILL BE COMPLETELY USELESS.
26860	EB: oh, yeah.
26861	EB: she mentioned something about that. she said she prototyped her dream self?? what happened with that?
26862	CG: SHE DOESN'T LIKE TO TALK ABOUT IT. KIND OF A SORE SUBJECT.
26863	EB: why?
26864	CG: SHE THINKS SHE'S SELFISH AND COMPLETELY HYSTERICAL AND I GUESS HATES THE PART OF HERSELF SHE REPRESENTS.
26865	CG: BUT I MEAN, THE THING IS SHE SPENT A LONG TIME BEING DEAD AND MOVING ON, IT'S NOT LIKE YOU CAN JUST BRING SOMEBODY BACK AND EXPECT THEM TO GIVE A SHIT ABOUT ALL THE STUFF YOU THINK IS IMPORTANT.
26866	CG: I'VE TRIED TO TELL HER THAT HER SPRITE SELF IS PROBABLY NOWHERE NEAR AS DESPICABLE AS SHE'S MAKING OUT WITH HERSELF TO BE.
26867	CG: I MEAN
26868	CG: MAKING HERSELF OUT TO BE.
26869	CG: YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
26870	EB: ...
26871	CG: LOOK, I'M JUST SAYING
26872	CG: WE'VE ALL GOT FLAWS, EVEN HER
26873	CG: AND FOR ALL THE SHIT SHE'S GIVEN ME ON THIS VERY SUBJECT, SHE KEEPS HERSELF DANGLING FROM A VERY HIGH HOOK.
26874	CG: SHE'D BE DOING ME A MAJOR PERSONAL SOLID BY MAKING AT LEAST SOME ATTEMPT TO GET HERSELF OFF.
26875	CG: WAIT
26876	CG: FUCK
26877	CG: WHAT DID I JUST SAY
26878	EB: wow.
26879	CG: I MEANT LET HERSELF OFF.
26880	CG: THE HOOK. THE FUCKING HOOK, IT'S A FIGURE OF GODDAMN SPEECH.
26881	EB: /raises eyebrows
26882	CG: PUT THOSE THE BACK DOWN, BEFORE MY HOT ACID RAGEBREATH BURNS THEM OFF YOUR IDIOTIC FACE.
26883	EB: ok, i am putting them back down as not suggestively as possible.
26884	CG: WHAT WERE WE EVEN TALKING ABOUT, IT WASN'T THIS, WHATEVER THIS IS.
26885	EB: what is what this is?
26886	CG: IT'S NOTHING, YOU SHIT. IT HAS BEEN THE CONVERSATIONAL EQUIVALENT OF US WHISTLING THROUGH OUR SNORT BARRELS WHILE TOUCHING EACH OTHER INAPPROPRIATELY.
26887	EB: was...
26888	EB: was that another weird erotic slip of the tongue?
26889	CG: NO, THAT WAS ME BEING WORKED UP INTO THIS RIDICULOUS FUCKING CONNIPTION AND SAYING SOMETHING INFLAMMATORY, GOD. HOW DOES THAT NOT BE CLEAR BY NOW???
26890	EB: ok, well,
26891	EB: what i am getting from this, aside from the possibility that jade may or may not have kissed dog jade at some point, is that neither of them will be able to help with the bomb plan.
26892	CG: THAT'S EXACTLY RIGHT! THE PAJAMA PRODIGY USED HIS PUZZLE SPONGE TODAY.
26893	CG: BESIDES, JADE IS RESPONSIBLE FOR OTHER IMPORTANT PARTS OF THE PLAN.
26894	CG: FOR ONE THING, YOU'LL HAVE TO WAIT FOR HER TO SEND YOU THE CODE FOR THE QUILLS.
26895	CG: YOU CAN'T SCRATCH THE MESA WITHOUT THEM.
26896	CG: SHE GOT THEM FROM HER DENIZEN, OR WILL LATER ON HER TIMELINE, NOW THAT SHE LIT THE FORGE AND WOKE THE MONSTER UP.
26897	EB: aren't those the really tough to kill guys?
26898	CG: YEAH
26899	EB: did she kill him?
26900	CG: HELL IF I KNOW, HER EXPLANATION OF THE ENTIRE ENCOUNTER BOILED DOWN TO AND I QUOTE "shenanigans"
26901	CG: LIMED FOR INFURIATINGLY VAGUE.
26902	EB: haha.
26903	CG: ANYWAY, AFTER SHE GIVES THAT TO YOU, SHE THEN HAS TO GO THROUGH WITH THE REST OF THE PLAN, WHICH IS MAKING SURE YOU ALL SURVIVE AFTER THE SCRATCH, MINUS ONE OF THE DERSE DREAMERS OF COURSE.
26904	CG: THE PLAN REVOLVES AROUND SOME REALLY BAFFLING HAND WAVEY MUMBO JUMBO WHICH I DON'T REALLY UNDERSTAND, BUT SHE TOLD ME TO TRUST HER ABOUT IT BECAUSE THE INFO COMES FROM A "Reliable informant."
26905	CG: WHITENED FOR SMUG TOOL.
26906	CG: IT INVOLVES SOMETHING TO DO WITH A YELLOW LAWN RING.
26907	CG: WHICH ISN'T THE HUMAN WORD FOR IT, IT'S JUST YOUR WORD IS SO DUMB I FEEL DUMB SAYING IT.
26908	EB: word for what?
26909	CG: I GUESS YOUR ENTIRE ESCAPE PLAN SOMEHOW PIVOTS CRITICALLY AROUND AN UNWATERED PIECE OF RESIDENTIAL PROPERTY???
26910	CG: IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT IT MEANS. JADE SAYS SHE HAS THIS FIGURED OUT, AND I DON'T HAVE TIME TO DO MUCH BUT TRUST HER.
26911	CG: THE POINT IS, SHE'S ALL BOOKED UP, AND ALL TOO MORTAL. SO SHE WON'T BE DELIVERING THE BOMB, AND NEITHER WILL YOU.
26912	EB: ok, well what about this.
26913	EB: since she is mortal, and i am not (sort of), and i don't need to do the scratch for a while, can i go help her?
26914	EB: maybe she could use some protection? maybe that is what dave was just trying to do, when he temporarily died.
26915	EB: remember, jack is still on the loose! he has killed rose and dave once, and me twice.
26916	CG: NO NO NO NO NO NO.
26917	CG: SWEET BLEEDING JEGUS, EGBERT, YOU KEEP BRAGGING ABOUT YOUR IMMORTALITY, AND THEN BRAINLESSLY ANNOUNCE PLANS TO GO OFF AND DO SOMETHING HEROIC! YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE THE SHORTEST LIFESPAN OF ANY IMMORTAL IN HISTORY.
26918	EB: sorry. :(
26919	CG: BESIDES, IT'S A TOTAL NON ISSUE. JACK WOULDN'T HESITATE TO STAB YOU AGAIN, BUT HE WON'T HURT JADE FOR SOME REASON.
26920	CG: IF ANYTHING, YOU COULD USE HER PROTECTION.
26921	EB: really?
26922	CG: I NEVER NOTICED WHEN LOOKING THROUGH HER TIMELINE EARLIER. IT WASN'T UNTIL I WAS TALKING TO HER IN THOSE TIMEFRAMES AND SHE TOLD ME. HE JUST KEEPS FOLLOWING HER AROUND. I CAN SEE HIM OFF IN THE DISTANCE IN SOME FRAMES, JUST LURKING THERE, SHADOWING HER MOVEMENTS. IT'S INCREDIBLY DISTURBING.
26923	CG: HE LINGERS AROUND HER UNTIL THE SCRATCH BEGINS AND I LOSE THE FEED, NEVER ONCE DOING ANYTHING THREATENING. SHE SAYS SHE THINKS IT'S BECAUSE JACK INHERITED LOYALTY OF HER LUSUS.
26924	CG: IF SHE'S RIGHT, I GUESS HER LUSUS REALLY DID OFFER HER THE MOST PROTECTION POSSIBLE BY PROTOTYPING ITSELF, ALBEIT BY DOOMING US ALL. THE IDIOT.
26925	EB: d'aw, that's actually kinda cute.
26926	CG: SADLY, HE HOLDS NO SUCH LOYALTY TO ANY OF US HERE. HE REGARDS US ALL AS RIPE FOR THE REPEATED SKEWERING.
26927	CG: OH FUCK, MAYBE WE SHOULD HAVE ALL JUST DRESSED LIKE JADE?? I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS STROKE OF GENIUS ONLY OCCURRED TO ME NOW.
26928	EB: i don't think he would be fooled. dogs have pretty good senses of smell.
26929	CG: IT WAS
26930	CG: A MOTHERFUCKING
26931	CG: JOKE
26932	CG: ANYWAY, IT DOESN'T MATTER ANYMORE.
26933	CG: IF WE CAN RIDE THIS OUT FOR A LITTLE LONGER UNTIL THE CRITICAL MOMENT, AND DAVE/ROSE CAN DESTROY THE SUN, JACK SHOULDN'T BE A THREAT.
26934	CG: CONVENIENTLY, IF THEY'RE SUCCESSFUL, THAT WILL SIGNAL THE BEGINNING OF OUR OWN ESCAPE PLAN.
26935	EB: what is your plan?
26936	CG: APPARENTLY THE EXPLOSION WILL BE SO HUGE, IT WILL BE VISIBLE AT GREAT DISTANCES THROUGHOUT THE FURTHEST RING.
26937	CG: EVEN FROM DIFFERENT SESSIONS, LIKE YOURS AND OURS. YOU WON'T GET TO SEE IT BECAUSE BY THEN YOUR SESSION SHOULD BE WIPED OUT BY THE SCRATCH.
26938	CG: BUT WE WILL. THE PLAN IS TO USE IT AS A BEACON, AND TRAVEL THERE AS A RENDEZVOUS POINT.
26939	EB: rendezvous with who?
26940	CG: WE'VE GOT PEOPLE THERE. THAT'S WHAT JADE TELLS ME.
26941	EB: jade knows so many things lately, what is even her deal?
26942	CG: HELL IF I KNOW, THIS IS BASICALLY DREAM INTELLIGENCE, EVERY TIME SHE GOES TO SLEEP, SHE HAS MORE TO RAMBLE ABOUT.
26943	CG: SHE SAYS I SHOULD GO TO SLEEP TO FIND OUT, BUT I'M LIKE HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO BE NAPPING BETWEEN MAKING ALL THESE PLANS AND GETTING PERSECUTED BY THIS DEMENTED HONKING ASSHOLE?
26944	CG: SO YEAH, WE'LL MEET IN THE AFTERMATH OF THE EXPLOSION WITH OUR PEOPLE ON THE INSIDE, OR I GUESS I SHOULD SAY OUTSIDE.
26945	CG: I DON'T THINK THEY CAN COME WITH US THOUGH.
26946	EB: come with you where? who are they?
26947	CG: DEAD PEOPLE.
26948	CG: AS FOR WHERE, IT'S NOT LIKE WE'RE GOING TO STICK AROUND THERE FOREVER. THAT WOULD PROBABLY BE DEPRESSING, SINCE WE'RE NOT FUCKING GHOSTS.
26949	CG: THE SCRATCH WILL REBOOT YOUR SESSION. YOUR WHOLE UNIVERSE ACTUALLY. SO SOMEWHERE IN THIS DREADFUL ABYSS, THAT NEW SESSION WILL START UP IN ITS OWN INCIPISPHERE, FROM SCRATCH.
26950	CG: LOOK AT THAT, ANOTHER PUN BECAUSE OF USING THAT FUCKING WORD EVERY OTHER SENTENCE! KILL ME NOW.
26951	CG: BUT THAT "FROM SCRATCH" (F'ING LOL!) SESSION IS WHAT YOU'RE SHOOTING FOR TO SURVIVE.
26952	CG: THE IDEA IS FOR YOU ALL TO PRESERVE YOURSELVES BY ESCAPING THERE.
26953	EB: through the lawn ring?
26954	CG: YES.
26955	CG: ONCE YOU'RE THERE, YOU WILL HELP US FIND OUR WAY THERE TOO, AND THEN WE CAN ALL FINALLY FIGURE OUT WHAT THE FUCK TO DO WITH THE REST OF OUR LIVES.
26956	EB: oh!!
26957	EB: so then, this is how we're supposed to meet. that is kind of exciting.
26958	CG: YEAH, I GUESS, IF ENOUGH OF US ARE ALIVE BY THEN TO MEET.
26959	EB: so, i guess you are not worried about it turning into a huge sloppy makeout fest anymore...
26960	CG: UH
26961	CG: RIGHT! HAHAHA, JOHN, YOU AND VRISKA BETTER KEEP YOUR HANDS TO YOURSELVES, OR EVERYONE'S GOING TO BE REALLY UNCOMFORTABLE. NO INTERSPECIES FUNNYBUSINESS, IS THAT CLEAR!
26962	CG: BLAAAAAAARGH, I AM CONVINCINGLY FLIPPING MY LID ABOUT THIS, WAVING MY ARMS AROUND A LOT, AND MAKING ALL MY BEST YELLING FACES. WOW, LOOK AT THAT! IT'S TIME TO CHANGE THE SUBJECT AGAIN.
26963	EB: huh?
26964	CG: POOF! SUBJECT CHANGED.
26965	CG: IF IT WORKS AND YOU WIND UP IN THE NEW SESSION, THAT'S WHY IT'LL BE IMPORTANT TO MAKE SURE ONE OF THE DERSE DREAMERS STAYS WITH YOU, SO THEY CAN HELP GUIDE US THERE FROM THE RING.
26966	EB: won't there be other players in the new session?
26967	EB: like, alternate universe versions of ourselves or such?
26968	CG: PROBABLY.
26969	CG: BUT THOSE CHUMPS WON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT US, OR ALL OUR PLANS. WHY WOULD THEY?
26970	EB: yeah... it's just kind of a weird thought.
26971	CG: SO OUT OF EVERYTHING WE JUST TALKED ABOUT, THIS IS THE THING THAT HAS YOU TRIPPING GLOBES? WHATEVER YOU SAY!
26972	EB: but i guess it's sort of comforting too.
26973	EB: if rose or dave have to go off and die, at least i get to see them again, in a way.
26974	EB: even if i will only be alternate universe john to them.
26975	EB: maybe my dad will be alive in that session too!!!
26976	CG: OK, MAYBE, BUT BEFORE YOU GET TOO EXCITED ABOUT THAT, YOU'VE GOT TO MAKE SURE YOU GET THERE FIRST.
26977	CG: WHICH MEANS YOU HAVE TO DO WHAT I SAY, AND STICK TO THE PLAN.
26978	CG: YOU NEED TO FOCUS ON GETTING READY TO START THE SCRATCH. THE GAME DOESN'T MAKE A HARD RESET THAT EASY TO PULL OFF.
26979	CG: ONCE YOU INITIATE IT, THE GAME THROWS EVERYTHING IT'S GOT AT YOU. WHICH IS ONE REASON WHY YOU'RE THE BEST GUY FOR THE JOB, BECAUSE OF YOUR SUPERPOWERS AND SILLY WINDY BULLSHIT.
26980	EB: ok. i'll do my best.
26981	EB: what should i do right now?
26982	CG: GET PREPARED, MAKE ALL THE EQUIPMENT YOU THINK YOU'LL NEED, STAY OUT OF TROUBLE.
26983	CG: WAIT FOR JADE TO SEND THAT CODE, WAIT FOR ME TO CONTACT YOU FOR THE FIRST TIME, AND DO YOUR BEST TO HUMOR HIM WHILE HE IGNORANTLY ATTEMPTS TO FLAME YOU BACK INTO THE PUDDLE OF SLIME YOU CRAWLED OUT OF.
26984	CG: PLEASE.
26985	EB: oh, man.
26986	EB: our "first" conversation ever? i can't wait.
26987	CG: YEAH, BUT CAN I JUST SAY SOMETHING IN MY DEFENSE BEFORE THAT HAPPENS?
26988	CG: I DON'T ACTUALLY HATE YOU, AND I NEVER DID. I WAS DELUDING MYSELF.
26989	CG: DEEP DOWN I'M SURE I WAS ALWAYS PRETTY OK WITH YOU.
26990	EB: thanks karkat!
26991	CG: IT WASN'T A FUCKING COMPLIMENT.
26992	TG: heres one for you
26993	TG: its a whopper
26994	TG: are you ready
26995	TT: For what?
26996	TG: this huge fuckin whopper im about to just say
26997	TT: You mean a canard of behemothic embellishment?
26998	TG: what
26999	TT: Or was your resolve finally dismantled by the siren's song of all that flame broiled beef?
27000	TG: no no
27001	TG: ok first do you even have burger kings out in the fucking woods
27002	TG: why do you reference things that obviously arent in the woods like terrible burgers
27003	TT: I'll limit my establishments of reference to lumber mills and sugar shanties from now on.
27004	TT: Also, there's a Burger King less than forty minutes from my house. I won't let this stand in the way of the new policy though.
27005	TG: there is
27006	TG: ok whatever
27007	TG: im talking about a dream i just had
27008	TG: i mean it was a doozy like psychologically speaking
27009	TG: doozy is a slightly dumber word than whopper
27010	TT: Certainly less delicious.
27011	TG: it was absurdly heavy handed my subconscious was really slathering it on
27012	TG: like whatever tangy sludge the king himself squirts on his bargain patties
27013	TG: its possible that i dreamt it ironically i dunno
27014	TG: i figured youd be interested in hearing about it its every bit as thick and juicy as a half pound of sizzling grade A premium ok this is stupid weve got to get burgers out of this conversation
27015	TG: are you busy
27016	TT: Yes.
27017	TG: cool listen to this
27018	|PESTERLOG|
27019	TT: I thought you didn't want me to analyze your dreams anymore.
27020	TG: no but this one is too good not to put under the microscope with your whole precocious psychotherapy shtick its almost laughably symbolic of all my mental problems assuming i actually have those
27021	TG: its grotesquely pregnant with meaning
27022	TG: all gestating at least 8 gooey octuplets thrashing around in an undulating belly full of mind slime
27023	TT: Maybe we can start by evaluating that troubling metaphor.
27024	TG: no look
27025	TG: i just want your professional take on how many things in my dream symbolize dicks
27026	TT: We've already established that all of your dreams are packed with enough homoerotic symbolism to lift Freudian theory from the ashes of discreditation.
27027	TG: yeah thats a given but i didnt even dream about puppets this time
27028	TT: Are you serious?
27029	TT: I'm clearing my schedule. This is a major breakthrough.
27030	TG: i know
27031	TG: it was so much more relaxing and enjoyable
27032	TG: it was about me dying repeatedly
27033	TT: Go on.
27034	TG: i was in this dark place surrounded by this big flock of crows
27035	TG: god this is so generically morbid
27036	TG: im sorry in advance for exposing you to my unconscious minds retarded cliches
27037	TT: It's ok.
27038	TT: They wouldn't be cliches if they didn't comprise the unanimously understood bedrock of phallic symbolism, with no other viable interpretation.
27039	TG: well obviously i knew the birds were just black screaming sky dongs just hear me out
27040	TG: i kept dying
27041	TG: there kept being these traps like i would go one way and get my head chopped off
27042	TG: or go another way and get stabbed or whatever
27043	TG: and every time i died the dream reset itself and i was standing there alive and ready to try to escape again
27044	TG: but each time i would be watching myself from the vantage point of a different crow
27045	TG: like i was the crow all squawking around in circles like a macabre flapping douche
27046	TG: and i would always watch myself try to do something different to dodge the trap but i always ended up dead
27047	TT: Hm.
27048	TT: Well, if I've learned anything from my extensive skimming over the Wikipedia articles on dream analysis,
27049	TT: It's that this dream is very unlikely to have any literal significance whatsoever.
27050	TT: It's probably not about dying at all.
27051	TG: you mean maybe its about anxiety over maintaining my blogs
27052	TG: or that my beats might not be ill enough
27053	TT: Yes. In fact, if you were on my couch that would have been my next question, as a licensed professional.
27054	TT: "Mr. Strider, have you considered that what you actually dread is to have your urban rhythms exposed for what they truly are, which is, clinically speaking, just shy of 'da bomb'?"
27055	TG: and then we crack up laughing cause we both know theyre fresher than your moms change of drawers and tighter than when shes wearin them
27056	TT: Listening to you conjure imagery of my mother in her underpants is definitely keeping us buoyed high above this swirling Freudian hellhole.
27057	TT: Well done.
27058	TG: please its not like shes my mom i can visualize her choice ass all i want without it gettin much more than moderately uncomfortable for everyone involved
27059	TT: What if you're wrong?
27060	TG: about what
27061	TT: Her not being your mother.
27062	TG: uh
27063	TT: Don't worry, you're probably safe. Luckily I can think of no literary or historical precedent for that sort of folly whatsoever.
27064	TG: this isnt the first time youve insinuated were related what is up with that
27065	TT: Isn't it?
27066	TG: no
27067	TG: i mean
27068	TG: im not sure
27069	TG: i feel like youve brought it up before which is kind of weird but now i dont know
27070	TG: i think im getting this weird deja vu thing where i was sure we talked about this
27071	TG: forget it
27072	TT: Why don't you tell me more about your dream?
27073	TG: ok
27074	TG: so i kept dying and kept being crows and stuff
27075	TG: and then i started to notice something coming from the sky
27076	TG: it was this faint eerie singing and i look up and theres nothing there just darkness
27077	TT: That's interesting.
27078	TT: I've read about this.
27079	TG: what did you read
27080	TT: Certain texts say singing from the unknowable void carries a message.
27081	TT: That its recipient has been selected for a mission of supreme cosmic importance, that will result in your death and that of billions more.
27082	TT: But one that is essential to the perpetuation of existence itself.
27083	TG: what the fuck sort of crackpot psychology text would say something like that
27084	TT: It's not from a psychology text.
27085	TG: so then youre consulting astrology books now
27086	TT: Not astrology.
27087	TT: More like,
27088	TT: Zoology.
27089	TG: oh my fucking god will you put that away
27090	TT: Ok.
27091	TT: Keep describing the dream, though.
27092	TT: If the rest of it is incompatible with prognoses of the zoologically dubious, I will withdraw my insinuation.
27093	TG: theres not even much more to it
27094	TG: i looked up into the sky
27095	TG: didnt see anyone singing
27096	TG: but even though the sky was black i could see the sun
27097	TG: it was bright as hell even through my shades
27098	TG: so i flapped my wings and flew up away to it like a fucking piece of garbage
27099	TG: and thats it
27100	TT: This doesn't strike you as an impulse of self destruction?
27101	TG: no
27102	TG: not in the sense that it was a dark sacrificial zoology mission
27103	TG: it was more like somewhere to go besides watching myself die a lot from the vantage of a feathery murder of dumb shitty birds
27104	TT: So, if hypothetically you were to accept such a mission, or even insist upon one, it wouldn't be in the spirit of genuine sacrifice, but of escape?
27105	TG: what the fuck are you talking about
27106	TG: ok somethings wrong
27107	TG: this whole conversation is falling apart this isnt how it originally went at all
27108	TT: Aw. We were making good progress, too.
27109	TT: Why did you have to go and remember?
27110	TG: this happened months ago
27111	TG: does this mean im dead
27112	|PESTERLOG|
27113	TT: What do you think?
27114	TG: stop it
27115	TG: this is so sick you using the dream bubble bullshit to pick apart my psyche
27116	TG: am i dead or asleep
27117	TT: If you're starting to remember, you should be able to tell me.
27118	TG: god dammit
27119	TT: Maybe I'm just as confused as you about it?
27120	TG: yeah right
27121	TT: Am I dead or asleep, Dave?
27122	TG: i dont know
27123	TT: Try to remember.
27124	AG: Hi, John human.
27125	GT: auuugh!
27126	GT: excuse me, alien time troll, but i am TRYING to wrap a present.
27127	GT: really, you all have the worst timing.
27128	AG: Yes, I can see that. Two ugly garments, and seeds for some kind of strange earth vegeta8le? Pretty lame present, John!!!!!!!!
27129	GT: nope, not going to ask how you know my name, or what i'm sending, don't care.
27130	GT: and one of these ugly garments is for me, also, it's not ugly, it's awesome.
27131	AG: Not as awesome as something you will 8e wearing later, thanks to me.
27132	GT: uh oh, my mouse is hovering dangerously close to the block button!
27133	GT: it always does that when i talk to trolls, it is the dangdest thing.
27134	AG: Calm down, I just thought I would foreshadow my existence to you at this quaint moment on your timeline.
27135	AG: It is way too tempting not to let you know I have taken gr8 care to 8ecome a very important feature of your life.
27136	AG: Or for that matter, to let you know that I will 8e giving you a present so much 8etter than the useless crap you're shoving in that 8ox.
27137	AG: I will 8e giving you the gift of immortality!
27138	GT: oh sweet, that has been on my wish list, ranking just below a mint condition little monsters poster, starring hollywood superstar, howie mandel.
27139	GT: can i expect it to arrive on my next birthday??
27140	AG: Yes, as a matter of fact. Nice guess!
27141	AG: It will come at a cost though.
27142	GT: the mandel poster, or immortality?
27143	AG: The latter, jackass!
27144	AG: In order for you to claim it, you will have to 8e quite gulli8le and allow me to arrange your murder.
27145	GT: i see, here is where all the sick trolling begins!
27146	GT: you can keep your present, i am not interested.
27147	AG: 8ut you will 8e! You will happily go along with everything I tell you to do.
27148	AG: And then, once I have completely earned your trust, I will kill you John. ::::)
27149	GT: sigh...
27150	GT: the other troll i just talked to was way better, if a tad grumpy, at least she was down with talking about cool movies, sort of.
27151	AG: 8ut this is all true. I've seen it already. You have no idea how delicious the dramatic irony is right now!
27152	AG: You will die. I will lead you into a trap, and watch you 8leed to death on a 8ig stone sla8 with a sword stuck in your chest.
27153	AG: There is nothing you can do a8out it. In fact, it has already happened!
27154	GT: that's nice. now scram, troll!
27155	AG: I'll leave you alone soon enough.
27156	AG: I was just feeling pretty pleased with myself, a8out all the 8rilliant plans I made for you and your friends.
27157	AG: Stopping 8y in your past to mess with your head is really just a courtesy, 8ecause I like to think we're pretty good friends 8y the time I get around to killing you. ::::D
27158	GT: ok, you got me!
27159	GT: my feathers are all ruffled, and i can no longer tell my ass apart from a big orange earth vegetable!
27160	GT: now can you leave me alone?
27161	AG: I guess so.
27162	AG: 8ut my inevita8le grisly murder of you notwithstanding, you're a pretty fun guy to hassle. It'll 8e difficult sparing you from the privilege of my company until your game 8egins.
27163	GT: that is basically the worst pickup line i have ever heard.
27164	AG: Please, John. As if there is any conceiva8le sequence of events which could lead me to consider you as a via8le romantic partner, in any quadrant. Even the pale ones.
27165	GT: blurp durp bluh, more plausible alien sounding things.
27166	GT: weren't you leaving?
27167	AG: Yes.
27168	GT: ok then...
27169	AG: I mean, I was going to.
27170	AG: 8ut now I guess I'm not.
27171	GT: oh.
27172	GT: why?
27173	AG: 8ecause this isn't really happening.
27174	GT: it isn't?
27175	AG: It did, once.
27176	AG: 8ut now it's just a memory.
27177	AG: I guess I must 8e dead.
27178	GT: ok.
27179	GT: is this conversation over now? can i keep packing my present?
27180	AG: The conversation as it went 8efore is already over. I said good8ye, and you 8locked me. Don't you remem8er?
27181	GT: well,
27182	GT: i was going to block you. but then...
27183	GT: i didn't for some reason.
27184	AG: Exactly. 8ecause we've already 8een through this. You're either asleep, or dead like me.
27185	AG: Man! I can't 8elieve I let her trick me like that. Such an amateur mistake.
27186	GT: i guess i am feeling something like deja vu... maybe.
27187	GT: i still don't think i believe you, though.
27188	AG: Hey........
27189	AG: Do you have any recollection at all of the last message I sent you 8efore I died?
27190	GT: i don't even know who you are!!!
27191	AG: Yeah, I figured. Just as well. I made some pretty em8arrassing confessions to you.
27192	AG: I guess I'm getting what I asked for in a way. Even though it's not what I pictured.
27193	GT: what did you ask for?
27194	AG: I asked you if you wanted to........
27195	AG: You know.
27196	AG: Hang out.
27197	GT: was this after you killed me, and gave me immortality?
27198	AG: Yes.
27199	AG: So what do you say?
27200	AG: Or, what do you think you might have said?
27201	GT: about what?
27202	GT: you mean, hanging out?
27203	AG: Yeah.
27204	GT: oh god, this is so ridiculous. you are just a crazy troll on the internet, and i need to get back to packing up this present for my friend! we are not going to hang out, i'm sorry.
27205	AG: John, there is no present! You are not in your hive, and you don't have anything to send. She received it a long time ago. None of this matters anymore.
27206	AG: If you don't 8elieve me, you are free to look out your window.
27207	GT: what will that accomplish?
27208	AG: It might help you remem8er.
27209	AG: And........
27210	AG: You will 8e a8le to see me.
27211	AG: If you want.
27212	JADESPRITE: dave?
27213	DAVESPRITE: hey
27214	AC: :33 < jaspers i guess i should say furwell to you now :((
27215	JASPERSPRITE: Why nepeta?
27216	AC: :33 < beclaws this is the end of your timeline and i dont know what catpuns to you after this
27217	AC: :33 < i mean happens to you after this, heheh, that one was kind of obtuse, sorry
27218	JASPERSPRITE: Whats a timeline? :3
27219	AC: :33 < hmmmmmm thats a hard question
27220	AC: :33 < ok imagine a long tempting strand of yarn
27221	JASPERSPRITE: Yes! Oh yes so great.
27222	AC: :33 < now imagine instead of being made of wiggly enticing stuff, its made of what lets you exist
27223	AC: :33 < and you are right at the twitching tip of it, dont you s33? look at the sky!
27224	JASPERSPRITE: Meow yes i see the sky and can tell that indeed something is going on.
27225	JASPERSPRITE: But aside from that i dont really understand what you said being a cat and all.
27226	AC: :33 < thats fine, you dont have to try too hard
27227	AC: :33 < all you have to know is its the scratch and im not a hundred purrcent sure what happens next fur you
27228	JASPERSPRITE: Purr purr i still think its nice how you slip cat things in the things you say youre so clever and wonderful nepeta!
27229	AC: :33 < h33h33h33 :DD
27230	JASPERSPRITE: Whats the scratch? :3
27231	AC: :33 < well you know roses friend john?
27232	JASPERSPRITE: Yes of course!
27233	AC: :33 < imagine that he is using this great big circle like a really fun scratching post, and it makes all this light come out that changes everything
27234	AC: :33 < just after he starts doing that the sky goes funny everywhere and then i cant s33 you anymore
27235	JASPERSPRITE: Yes. :3
27236	AC: :33 < thats what it is
27237	JASPERSPRITE: I think i understand that completely!
27238	AC: :33 < im a bit nervous for you, especially since you remind me so much of someone i already lost
27239	AC: :33 < but maybe youll be ok? i dont know
27240	JASPERSPRITE: Im not worried nepeta so you shouldnt either its not as if i have never died before.
27241	AC: :33 < you are a brave kitty, just like pounce was <33
27242	JASPERSPRITE: Pounce was a cat like me?
27243	AC: :33 < yes! she was amazing, i bet you and she would have gotten along famousely
27244	JASPERSPRITE: Ooh i bet youre right! Purr purr.
27245	JASPERSPRITE: Was she nice to sniff?
27246	AC: :33 < yes she smelled really good, and also, she was SUPER beautyifful.
27247	JASPERSPRITE: Wow!
27248	AC: :33 < did you ever have someone nice back on earth who you loved?
27249	JASPERSPRITE: Rose!!!!! I loved rose. :3
27250	AC: :33 < h33h33, of course you did. i mean a nice cat who was your matesprit?
27251	JASPERSPRITE: There was a time i remember i was thinking about girl cats a lot for some reason.
27252	JASPERSPRITE: I would saunter around the house making all these big meows and looking out the windows with my nose touching the glass.
27253	JASPERSPRITE: But then roses mom took me to this place where i was scared to be for a while and then when i was at home again i didnt do the meows anymore.
27254	JASPERSPRITE: I guess i didnt think about the girl cats after that which is just as well because none ever came to the windows really not even when i did my biggest meows.
27255	AC: :33 < thats too bad
27256	AC: :33 < but i bet lots of girl cats would have loved to be with you, if only there had b33n some around to hear your lovely meows :33
27257	JASPERSPRITE: Youre really nice to say so nepeta what about you though?
27258	AC: :33 < me?
27259	JASPERSPRITE: Yes. :3
27260	AC: :33 < well
27261	AC: :33 < i have never told anybody this not even my moirail
27262	AC: :33 < heh, actually hes the LAST guy i might tell, he so wouldnt appurrve X33
27263	AC: :33 < but yes i have liked somebody for quite some time, but alas he doesnt know it
27264	JASPERSPRITE: What dont you tell him?
27265	AC: :33 < hmmmmm
27266	JASPERSPRITE: Maybe you can win his affection by rubbing your cheek against him thats what i would do.
27267	AC: :33 < ohhh no no no, im too shy even for that!
27268	AC: :33 < and he is so adorably grumpy all the time, it probably wouldnt go over well
27269	AC: :33 < its hard to explain, maybe cats think diffurntly, but trolls tend to be pretty cautious about expressing their f33lings when it comes to the flushed quadrant
27270	JASPERSPRITE: Whats a quadrant?
27271	AC: :33 < it is
27272	AC: :33 < ummmmmmmm
27273	AC: :33 < okay it has romantic applications but it is also something more general than that
27274	AC: :33 < a quadrant is
27275	AC: :33 < how do i say this!
27276	JASPERSPRITE: :3
27277	AC: :33 < a quadrant is a thing in a group of things that consists of four similar things
27278	JASPERSPRITE: Like paws?
27279	AC: :33 < EXACTLY like paws!!! :DD
27280	JASPERSPRITE: I see thats really easy to get.
27281	JASPERSPRITE: I think you should tell him that you like him you might not get the chance if you dont.
27282	JASPERSPRITE: For instance i think instead of meowing at windows i should have just scurried out a door before it could close!
27283	JASPERSPRITE: Then i might have found a girl cat to sniff oh well. :3
27284	AC: :33 < i know, but its just not that simple. i could make someone else jealous i think, and what if he doesnt f33l the same way, and, urrgh, its so complickated
27285	AC: :33 < maybe i just n33d to let go of the silly infatuation
27286	AC: :33 < i think its never going to happen honestly
27287	JASPERSPRITE: You shouldnt lose hope!
27288	JASPERSPRITE: I have another story that might give you hope even though it should be noted again that im only a cat.
27289	AC: :33 < oh?
27290	JASPERSPRITE: Yes one time i was with rose and i was sitting there dressed up in my suit with her as happy as can be.
27291	JASPERSPRITE: But then she disappeared!
27292	JASPERSPRITE: The whole place disappeared and i was in another place. There was no rose there was someone else.
27293	JASPERSPRITE: I guess i loved her too in time but never as much as rose it just wasnt the same.
27294	JASPERSPRITE: I kept waiting to see rose again but never did and finally i lost hope that i would and then i died.
27295	JASPERSPRITE: But then i became alive again and i got to see her and i was so happy! Purr purr purr purr purr.
27296	JASPERSPRITE: Thats my story and thats why i think theres always hope even if you die.
27297	AC: :33 < so, youre saying that maybe i will have to die to get to be with him?
27298	JASPERSPRITE: Yes maybe. :3
27299	AC: :33 < i hope thats not the case!
27300	AC: :33 < but i guess you just have a different way of looking at things
27301	AC: :33 < thank you for the advice jaspers!
27302	JASPERSPRITE: Purrrrr.
27303	TG: i remember waking up here
27304	TG: after getting shot
27305	TT: Yes.
27306	TT: What else?
27307	TG: then the cage bunny came
27308	TG: he gave us the bomb
27309	TG: whered he go anyway
27310	TT: She's around.
27311	TG: the bunnys a she
27312	TT: Her name is Liv Tyler.
27313	TG: dumb
27314	TT: Take it up with John.
27315	TT: What else?
27316	TG: we were talking about who should go
27317	TT: Do you remember what we decided?
27318	TG: no
27319	TG: wait
27320	TG: wasnt i going to go
27321	TG: is that what happened did i go and now im dead
27322	TT: Not quite.
27323	TG: whats not quite
27324	TG: that i didnt go or that im not dead
27325	TT: Do you remember anything else?
27326	TG: no
27327	TT: What about why you went to fight Jack?
27328	TG: sure
27329	TG: i did that
27330	TG: because i wanted to
27331	TG: and because i was supposed to
27332	TT: Are you sure?
27333	TG: yeah i saw my future self fighting him so obviously that had to happen or else id be dead anyway
27334	TG: without even getting the satisfaction of standing up to him
27335	TT: So was your decision a result of desire or obligation?
27336	TG: hard to explain
27337	TG: with all the time shit going on
27338	TG: i dont try to understand your light shit do i
27339	TT: I don't know much about the Light Shit, to be honest.
27340	TT: I may have missed my chance to figure it out.
27341	TG: havent we had this conversation already
27342	TT: Mostly.
27343	TT: I'm doing what I can to jog your memory.
27344	TG: its jogging i guess
27345	TG: its manboobs are jiggling a little
27346	TT: Nice.
27347	TT: So what about Jade?
27348	TG: what
27349	TT: You didn't tell her your expedition with her would result in your death, let alone one she'd inadvertently cause.
27350	TT: Or that she'd be stuck with the job of resuscitating you. Did you?
27351	TG: what am i really supposed to say
27352	TG: hey were gonna hunt frogs til you shoot me through the jack
27353	TG: then i die and youve got to make out with me
27354	TG: that kind of changes how the whole thing goes doesnt it
27355	TT: Not if you're "supposed to," right?
27356	TG: what does that even mean
27357	TT: I guess you're right. No reason to make an effort to empathize if doing so comes at the price of oblivion.
27358	TG: wtf
27359	TT: It must be comforting to have your ASPD tacitly supported by predestination.
27360	TG: aspd
27361	TT: Antisocial personality disorder.
27362	TG: oh no
27363	TG: this conversation just got bumrushed by a mudslide of fucking awful
27364	TT: It wasn't already awful, believing you might be dead?
27365	TG: you dont know anything
27366	TG: about what i was feeling or what happened on lofaf
27367	TG: you were all pavement faced and babbling your throefester speak and flipping off the shit with your own crazy deathwish thing why do you think you know what was going through my head
27368	TG: youre just assuming and throwing around psyche buzzwords like aspd complex disorder
27369	TT: So it's a disorder, a complex, and then a disorder again for good measure?
27370	TG: in your case probably
27371	TT: Sounds like a positively delirious state of existence.
27372	TG: its some delirious biznasty alright
27373	TT: Oh... snap?
27374	TG: yes ima authorize a GOD DAMN you may swipe it at the door to check yourself into the burn ward
27375	TT: Might you loosen the purse strings on an "Oh no he didn't?"
27376	TG: nah those are kept in emergency reserve for yo mama jokes from the 90s
27377	TG: anyway
27378	TG: im telling you if i said anything at all about it she probably doesnt even fire her gun once and all im doing is dragging her into a doomed timeline with me
27379	TT: I guess I'm learning to be impressed by your sense of obligation to inevitable misfortune. It's a strange case of inspiration through futility.
27380	TG: none of this is that big a deal
27381	TG: i just mentioned the basics to her
27382	TG: that id stop time traveling soon
27383	TG: break out of the loops
27384	TG: not have to wonder all the time if i was taking a wrong turn and dooming everybody
27385	TG: i was never that cool with this
27386	TT: With what, exactly?
27387	TG: you know how you turned out to be this incredibly shitty seer of light and basically failed at that in every way imaginable
27388	TT: Hey!
27389	TG: well maybe i never wanted to be a knight of time
27390	TG: maybe id rather just be like
27391	TG: the dave of guy
27392	TG: you know just some dude
27393	TT: These really do not sound like the words of someone ready to face his own death.
27394	TT: The kind you don't wake up from, I mean.
27395	TG: i guess not
27396	TG: guess i failed my quest then
27397	TG: so im like
27398	TG: now what bitches
27399	TG: to nobody in particular i guess
27400	TT: The unseen bitches callously conspiring to expect greatness from you?
27401	TG: yes those exact bitches
27402	TT: If that's how you feel,
27403	TT: Then why did you insist on going on the mission to deliver The Tumor?
27404	TT: Black-and-whitened for giant yin-yang bomb.
27405	TG: oh yeah
27406	TG: i remember that now
27407	TG: then i guess thats what happened
27408	TG: i delivered the bomb and now i must be dead
27409	TT: Are you sure?
27410	TG: is that wrong
27411	TT: Maybe you should try to answer the question. Why did you want to go?
27412	TG: because i made the map so i know how to get there better
27413	TT: But it seems simple enough. A set of bearings to follow.
27414	TT: See? The application pilots the moon. Change course when necessary. Anyone can do it, really.
27415	TT: We talked about this. Debated, if you recall.
27416	TG: ok if you remember it all so clearly why are you grilling me on this shit
27417	TG: will you just tell me whats going on
27418	TT: I'm just seeing if you can remember. And if you're sticking to your story, about why you should be the one to go.
27419	TG: well i am
27420	TG: because i should
27421	TG: or should have
27422	TG: man what the fuck is going on
27423	TG: am i dead or are you dead or what
27424	TT: You're almost there, really. Just try to remember a little more.
27425	TT: What happened after we decided you'd go?
27426	TG: uh
27427	TG: oh yeah
27428	TG: we were trying to figure out a way to detach the moon
27429	TG: so i could pilot it out there
27430	TG: fly it into the sun
27431	TG: but the chain was huge
27432	TG: couldnt think of how to break it
27433	TG: then out of nowhere this sword appears in the thing
27434	TG: so im thinking obviously i have to break the sword somehow
27435	TG: because thats all i fucking do is break swords
27436	TG: but as im thinking of how to do it i put my hand on it
27437	TG: and it just snaps off with this comical shattering noise
27438	TG: like i just fucked up some priceless shit in the louvre
27439	TG: see like that
27440	TG: like i did again just there with my hand
27441	TG: cause of dreambubbles
27442	TG: remember when that happened
27443	TT: Mm hm.
27444	TG: then i took it and sliced the chain
27445	TG: like this
27446	TG: damn
27447	TG: it still cuts like its plowing through a shaft of boneless zombie meat
27448	TT: Careful.
27449	TT: I just managed to quell my appetite after all that burger talk.
27450	TG: whoops
27451	TG: yeah
27452	TG: so then
27453	TG: the moon started drifting away
27454	TG: and i was going to fly up
27455	TG: and take it to the sun
27456	TG: and i said something to you
27457	TG: or i was going to
27458	TG: like say bye or something
27459	TG: but you were just standing there not saying anything
27460	TG: holding that ball of yarn
27461	TG: and then
27462	TG: oh
27463	TG: god thats right
27464	TG: come on
27465	TG: knocking me out so you can steal the suicide mission
27466	TG: god dammit
27467	TG: that is so trite
27468	TT: I really am sorry for that.
27469	TG: its like
27470	TG: heres how bad this is
27471	TG: were are basically bruce willis and ben affleck from johns shitty crappy movie
27472	TG: you made this even more armageddon than it already was
27473	TG: sealing me in the air lock so i can go home to liv tyler and have the most terrible babies with her
27474	TT: If it's any consolation, Liv Tyler came with me on the suicide mission.
27475	TG: the bunny or the actress
27476	TT: Which would make you feel better?
27477	TG: you not knocking me out with a ball of fucking yarn is fucking what
27478	TT: If I could have chosen a method of sparing your life you might have found more awesome, I would.
27479	TT: Is there an "ironic" way to do that?
27480	TG: this probably comes close but that doesnt make it not lame as hell
27481	TT: Does it matter if I took some personal satisfaction seeing you fall unconscious at the gentle glance of a soft cotton globe?
27482	TG: its cool you are so tickled by this i hope it brought you a lot of rad laughs on your way to go fucking explode
27483	TT: ...
27484	TG: so thats it
27485	TG: im actually lying here on derse asleep
27486	TG: and you went out there and blew up the sun
27487	TG: and now youre dead and im dream chilling with your smug ghost
27488	TT: Yes to the first part.
27489	TG: so youre not dead
27490	TT: Not yet.
27491	TG: then youre dreaming
27492	TG: what youre taking a little nap on the moon in the middle of nowhere
27493	TT: Afraid not!
27494	TT: I am wide awake.
27495	GT: so.
27496	GT: it seems that you are, in fact, an alien. with horns and everything.
27497	GT: huh.
27498	AG: Yes, John. Horns and all. That totally proves I am an alien 8eyond a shadow of a dou8t!
27499	AG: Now what do you make of these 8lank white eyes of mine? What do you think THAT could mean, hmmmmmmmm?
27500	GT: i don't know. aliens usually have big spooky eyes, don't they?
27501	AG: Humans have literally the dum8est extraterrestrial lore. Weren't those supposed to 8e aliens on one of your posters?
27502	GT: haha, you mean mac and me? yeah, even i can admit that movie was indefensible.
27503	AG: Well if you want to know, normally, we have 8right orange eyes, with gray irises. They fill in with our 8lood pigment as we get older.
27504	AG: Also, normally I have this one goofy eye with seven pupils 8ecause I'm kind of a weirdo. 8ut I guess that's gone now that I'm dead.
27505	AG: Not that you 8elieve me, 8ecause you just refuse to remem8er anything.
27506	GT: i can accept that you are an alien, but come on. meeting an alien who is also a GHOST in my front yard is a bit much to believe.
27507	GT: it is almost too awesome.
27508	AG: So you don't remem8er anything a8out the game at all, then? The destruction of your planet? 8ringing your ancestor 8ack to life as a clown woman?
27509	AG: Putting a huge flaming ocean out with your magical wind? Jack Noir? Dying, resurrecting, and possi8ly dying again? Is any of this tickling your sponge?
27510	GT: hmm...
27511	GT: nope. sounds cool though.
27512	AG: Fuck, I cannot 8elieeeeeeeeve how cold it is on this planet. How can any species possi8ly 8e a8le to survive somewhere like this?
27513	GT: yeah, i thought you looked pretty cold out here.
27514	GT: so i brought you this jacket.
27515	AG: Oh.
27516	AG: Ok.
27517	GT: hey, your clothes switched suddenly.
27518	GT: was that some kind of alien wardrobe warpifying technology?
27519	GT: such as a warpdrobe, if you will?
27520	AG: Sure, John. Let's just say that's what it was.
27521	GT: you look pretty cool in more normal clothes. not that your space boots and pixie outfit weren't neat.
27522	AG: Thanks.
27523	AG: So, is this how humans 8egin an earth d8?
27524	AG: With simple acts of flattery and kindness?
27525	GT: um, i don't know about that, really.
27526	GT: it just seemed like the nice thing to do.
27527	GT: is...
27528	GT: is this a date?
27529	AG: No. I've decided this definitely will not 8e a d8.
27530	AG: Not until you remem8er something, at least.
27531	GT: ok, that's probably for the best.
27532	GT: i would probably be pretty nervous on a date with a normal girl, let alone on a...
27533	GT: DATE WITH AN ALIEN SPACE GHOST!!!
27534	GT: heheheheheheh.
27535	AG: Now that you mention it, me too, pro8a8ly. Your goofy awkwardness is a 8it contagious, frankly.
27536	AG: So now what do we do?
27537	GT: well...
27538	GT: since i am presuming you are new to the planet...
27539	GT: i could show you around the place.
27540	GT: this is my green slime ghost pogo ride, in all its glory.
27541	GT: in my childhood, it was hours of fun, and hundreds of painful injuries.
27542	AG: Hey........
27543	AG: This thing isn't slimy at all! What the hell.
27544	GT: nope.
27545	AG: I've noticed humans don't seem to keep any slime around the hive. And yet you are strangely cavalier a8out your open display of certain........ receptacles.
27546	AG: What's the deal with that? Is it that you're just that ashamed of your secretions as a species?
27547	GT: um.
27548	GT: not... really?
27549	GT: humans just don't really have much use for slime, i guess.
27550	GT: honestly, i can't think of a single practical use for slime, other than to be gross!
27551	AG: So 8izarre.
27552	GT: anyway, this thing is kind of a death trap, and i haven't ridden it for years.
27553	GT: i think my dad had it installed as one of his ridiculous ways of making a man out of me.
27554	AG: Sure.
27555	AG: My custodian had her ways of making me tougher too.
27556	GT: yeah.
27557	GT: parents, right? haha.
27558	GT: anyway, that's my back yard. pretty damn boring, sorry.
27559	GT: i would show you inside, but i don't think my dad would take too kindly to bringing an alien inside.
27560	GT: or, just yet. i would need to brace him for it.
27561	AG: That's fine.
27562	AG: What else can you show me?
27563	GT: i could show you around my neighborhood, if you want.
27564	AG: Sounds gr8.
27565	GT: these are my neighbors, who live in a lot of same looking houses as mine.
27566	GT: i never see them. i think they're all really busy people with a lot of serious business to attend to.
27567	GT: hey, look.
27568	GT: the snow is melted over here.
27569	GT: it's really warm suddenly. weird.
27570	AG: Does your planet usually have these kind of temper8ture swings?
27571	GT: no, this is pretty unusual december weather.
27572	GT: guess i'll take my coat off.
27573	GT: i can take yours back, if you want.
27574	AG: No thanks. I think I'll keep it on.
27575	GT: there is not really much to see in this town...
27576	GT: but there are these lakes.
27577	GT: this lake here did not used to be a lake. a long time ago, before i was born, there was a factory here.
27578	GT: my dad says there was a huge explosion. he was walking by with my nanna when he saw it.
27579	GT: then a little later, my nanna died. my dad never told me how, except that it involved a big joke book.
27580	GT: i never knew her, which is too bad. she sounded nice.
27581	AG: I know what happened.
27582	AG: I saw it.
27583	GT: you did?
27584	AG: Yes.
27585	AG: Do you want to know?
27586	AG: It might jostle your memory.
27587	GT: ok!
27588	AG: I 8elieve this lake is where Jade landed. You landed a little ways over there, a8out where your hive is now. You clo88ered your nanna to death with the aforementioned joke 8ook. 8ut it wasn't your fault. You were 8oth just little wigglers, riding meteors from the future.
27589	AG: You cre8ted yourself, your nanna, Jade, her grandpa, not to mention Dave and Rose and their guardians, all in a la8 using paradox slime, and sent them 8ack in time as the silly gru8s with arms and legs you call 8a8ies. And here you were dou8ting the usefulness of slime!
27590	GT: wow, really?
27591	AG: Yes, a8solutely.
27592	AG: I paid close attention to all this, 8ecause I thought it might give me some clues a8out us and our ancestors, who were made the same way.
27593	AG: Any of this familiar?
27594	GT: hmm.
27595	GT: that all sounds incredible if true, but i don't have even the foggiest memory of that happening!
27596	AG: Yeah. I figured as much.
27597	AG: Since you seem 8ent on staying in your dream 8u88le coma, why don't I continue the tour?
27598	GT: the tour... of earth?
27599	AG: Sort of.
27600	GT: what's happening?
27601	AG: We are going on an adventure.
27602	GT: where?
27603	AG: Through your memories.
27604	AG: Through mine too.
27605	AG: This would 8e a really fun thing to do on a d8, I think!
27606	AG: If we actually were on a d8, which we're not.
27607	GT: how is this happening?
27608	GT: is this through the advanced alien technologies?
27609	GT: like holograms, or teleportations?
27610	AG: If that's what you want to think to keep you comfy in your stupor, sure.
27611	GT: where are we?
27612	AG: This is my home planet 8efore it was destroyed.
27613	AG: It's called Alternia.
27614	GT: oh, cool.
27615	GT: and what's that, over there?
27616	AG: That is my hive, which is a thing that you refer to as a house.
27617	AG: It's where I grew up.
27618	GT: it's a castle!!!
27619	AG: No shit!
27620	AG: It is 8ig and fore8oding and ostent8ious, just the way I wanted it.
27621	AG: As a 8lue8lood, I was entitled to 8uild such a home. Something to set me far apart from the commoners.
27622	GT: you built it?
27623	AG: Of course not. Ro8ots 8uilt it for me when I was very young.
27624	AG: 8ut I was allowed to dict8 instructions. Expected to, in fact.
27625	GT: oh gosh.
27626	GT: so rad.
27627	AG: Really?
27628	AG: I still find it interesting what sort of mundane facts humans tend to 8e impressed 8y.
27629	AG: Anyway, my design kind of got 8oring as I got older. A huge castle hive sounds great, 8ut it starts feeling pretty cavernous and lonely after a while. There were so many 8locks I never even used!
27630	AG: Your tastes change, 8ut you get stuck with growing up in a place suited to your earliest, most juvenile inclin8ions.
27631	AG: No8ody tells you that when you're a kid though.
27632	GT: i think i know what you mean.
27633	GT: i feel like a long time ago, i might have given my dad the impression i really liked clowns?
27634	GT: and now there are clowns everywhere, his stupid collection just keeps growing and growing, and it drives me CRAZY.
27635	AG: John........
27636	AG: That 8arely compara8le example is so cute, I don't even know what to say.
27637	GT: heheh.
27638	AG: This was my custodian.
27639	GT: 8O
27640	AG: She was hurt in an accident.
27641	AG: I killed her myself to put her out of her misery.
27642	GT: :(
27643	GT: holy shit, look at these glittering space riches!
27644	AG: Yeah. I was really into treasure hunting for a while.
27645	GT: What's with the broken eight balls?
27646	AG: Never mind those!
27647	AG: This was my respite8lock.
27648	AG: From kind of an em8arrassing memory, actually.
27649	GT: haha, more eight balls!!!
27650	GT: you sure do like to smash them.
27651	AG: John, addiction is a powerful thing. You pro8a8ly wouldn't understand.
27652	GT: what are you wearing?
27653	AG: Just a fairy dress.
27654	AG: I wore it for this stupid thing I did once.
27655	GT: is that a rocket car stuck in the web over there?
27656	GT: what's that about?
27657	AG: Don't worry a8out it! Man, this would 8e such an awkward moment on a d8. Again, if it was one.
27658	GT: there's something really familiar about that rocket...
27659	AG: Let's keep going.
27660	GT: what's happening?
27661	GT: are we back on earth?
27662	AG: You tell me.
27663	GT: it's my house again. why are we here?
27664	GT: i was having fun seeing your planet!
27665	AG: I don't know, John. They're your memories.
27666	GT: this is my dad's room.
27667	GT: but...
27668	GT: i have never been inside of it.
27669	GT: so why do i recognize it?
27670	AG: Shrug!!!!!!!!
27671	GT: i think...
27672	GT: there were some birthday presents for me in here.
27673	GT: but i can't recall which birthday that was.
27674	AG: It was your 13th.
27675	GT: but i'm 12!
27676	GT: oh yeah.
27677	GT: i remember this.
27678	GT: there were these imps all over my house, acting all rambunctious.
27679	GT: but... why?
27680	GT: it's all so hazy.
27681	GT: where is my dad?
27682	AG: Sounds like some things are coming 8ack to you.
27683	AG: Any chance you remem8er me yet?
27684	GT: no.
27685	GT: sorry.
27686	GT: hey, look!
27687	GT: that's my dad.
27688	GT: what's he doing here?
27689	AG: ........
27690	GT: i've missed the heck out of him.
27691	GT: though i'm not sure why. he should be safe at home right now.
27692	GT: i guess i must have lost track of him. but i don't remember how.
27693	GT: all i know is i have this feeling like i should run over and give him a hug.
27694	AG: Well, just so you know, he is pro8a8ly not actually there.
27695	AG: Kind of like how my lusus was just a memory.
27696	GT: are you a psychic alien? like the one who jodie foster met in contact, and assumed the form of her dead father to talk to her?
27697	AG: As a matter of fact, yes, I am a psychic alien. 8ut that has nothing to do with this!
27698	AG: These are our memories, and we are in the afterlife. I keep trying to tell you, and it's starting to get frustr8ing.
27699	GT: i see. so it is not me who is jodie foster. it's more like you are jodie, because nobody believed her when she came home and had amazing tales to tell.
27700	GT: except matthew mcconaughey.
27701	AG: Aaaaaaaargh!
27702	GT: but it's ok. i will be your matt mcconaughey.
27703	AG: Does that mean you'll 8elieve me now?
27704	GT: i guess i always did, sort of.
27705	GT: i think i've been in denial about what's happening here.
27706	AG: It's nice that you 8elieve me. 8ut that doesn't mean you remem8er yet.
27707	GT: so if this isn't my dad, then where is he?
27708	AG: He died too. You saw his 8ody. Don't you at least remem8er that?
27709	GT: no. not at all.
27710	GT: i am remembering a bunch of things, but not that.
27711	AG: Then what?
27712	AG: Do you remem8er me yet?
27713	GT: no.
27714	GT: i only remember when you contacted me and said you'd kill me a little earlier.
27715	GT: but that was months ago.
27716	GT: i do remember talking to some other trolls like you.
27717	GT: and playing this game. it was on my 13th birthday. i was really looking forward to playing it, but it was late in the mail.
27718	GT: i got some presents from my dad. like this big weird clown doll that i didn't like much.
27719	GT: and some fruit gushers...
27720	GT: oh yeah! i also realized gushers were made by betty crocker. that freaked me the fuck out!
27721	GT: did YOU realize betty crocker makes gushers???
27722	AG: This comes as news to me.
27723	GT: well she does. her villainy knows no bounds.
27724	GT: oh.
27725	GT: he also gave me this suit, which i remember wearing for a while.
27726	GT: but it didn't look quite like this.
27727	GT: it had a black tie, and no ghost, so i improved it.
27728	GT: actually...
27729	GT: i remember dying in a suit.
27730	AG: You do?
27731	GT: but
27732	GT: this was not the suit i was wearing when i died.
27733	EB: this was.
27734	JADESPRITE: are you ok?
27735	DAVESPRITE: been better
27736	JADESPRITE: what happened to you?
27737	DAVESPRITE: what happened to you
27738	JADESPRITE: um...
27739	JADESPRITE: i died in my dream and came back as a dog
27740	DAVESPRITE: oh
27741	DAVESPRITE: i turned into a bird and got in a fight
27742	JADESPRITE: :o
27743	JADESPRITE: what is that?
27744	DAVESPRITE: what this thing
27745	JADESPRITE: yes
27746	DAVESPRITE: legendary sword
27747	JADESPRITE: how did you get it?
27748	DAVESPRITE: long story
27749	DAVESPRITE: shenanigans mostly
27750	JADESPRITE: yes i figured shenanigans were probably involved
27751	JADESPRITE: can you be more specific?
27752	DAVESPRITE: well
27753	DAVESPRITE: basically im from another timeline
27754	DAVESPRITE: we couldnt win the game there so i came back to help dave
27755	JADESPRITE: dave?
27756	DAVESPRITE: dave from this timeline
27757	DAVESPRITE: as a sprite im supposed to help him with his quest
27758	JADESPRITE: oh yeah
27759	JADESPRITE: im supposed to help jade too, but......
27760	JADESPRITE: *sniffle*
27761	DAVESPRITE: shes doing alright dont worry about it
27762	JADESPRITE: ok, ill try...
27763	JADESPRITE: you were saying?
27764	DAVESPRITE: so things kind of became even more crazy in this timeline than the one i was from
27765	DAVESPRITE: and it was clear dave was never gonna do the quest i didnt get the chance to finish
27766	DAVESPRITE: not even after you brought the forge
27767	JADESPRITE: the forge?
27768	DAVESPRITE: your volcano
27769	JADESPRITE: ohhh
27770	DAVESPRITE: so
27771	DAVESPRITE: after laying low for a while
27772	DAVESPRITE: i just went and did whatever i could myself
27773	DAVESPRITE: got caledfwlch
27774	DAVESPRITE: the fuckin welsh sword dave broke
27775	DAVESPRITE: went to look for hephaestus again
27776	DAVESPRITE: figuring there wasnt much hope in beating him this time either especially being injured and all but what the hell right
27777	DAVESPRITE: but then
27778	DAVESPRITE: thats when you lit the forge somehow
27779	JADESPRITE: i did?
27780	DAVESPRITE: well no
27781	DAVESPRITE: not you other jade
27782	JADESPRITE: yeah
27783	JADESPRITE: shes a lot more brave than me i think
27784	JADESPRITE: she brought me back thinking i could help her and all i did was disappoint her and everyone else
27785	JADESPRITE: you came back as a sprite and youre managing to do important things...
27786	JADESPRITE: but i just feel so scared and helpless
27787	DAVESPRITE: sounds like you came back because jade made the decision for you
27788	DAVESPRITE: i made the decision to come back myself maybe itd be different if you had the same chance
27789	JADESPRITE: i dont know if i would have if i had the chance
27790	JADESPRITE: but i would like to not feel so useless to everybody
27791	DAVESPRITE: i think everyones on top of this
27792	DAVESPRITE: theres not much for us to do anymore
27793	JADESPRITE: what about your sword? isnt it important?
27794	DAVESPRITE: i guess so
27795	DAVESPRITE: but not really for me since im not the real dave anymore
27796	JADESPRITE: im still not sure how you got it...
27797	JADESPRITE: what does it have to do with my volcano?
27798	DAVESPRITE: thats a bit complicated
27799	DAVESPRITE: see it turns out
27800	DAVESPRITE: i had no idea how the denizens worked at all
27801	It seems she's acting out again. Sorting these clippings will have to wait while I settle her down. I apologize profusely.
27802	Please continue to help yourself to the serviceable "==>" command in my absence. As a first-class host, I keep a healthy supply on hand at all times.
27803	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/nextbowl.gif" border="0" />
27804	TT: I am piloting the moon through the Furthest Ring right now.
27805	TT: At the moment, it's passing through a dream bubble. I am visiting your dream in person.
27806	TT: Or, you are the one visiting me as I travel, in your sleep. If you'd rather look at it that way.
27807	TG: ok
27808	TG: so all those questions you asked me
27809	TG: getting me to remember
27810	TG: you were just stalling me werent you
27811	TG: so i wouldnt wake up and try to stop you
27812	TT: Not entirely.
27813	TG: this sucks
27814	TG: could you just please turn the thing around and come back
27815	TT: Why?
27816	TT: I'm already out here. Might as well go through with it.
27817	TG: we agreed id do it though
27818	TG: or at least you pretended to agree
27819	TG: just before going into a major league wind up with your nap yarn
27820	TT: A major league wind up?
27821	TG: sports
27822	TT: It's always been pretty sad that I seem to know more about sports than you. Which is really saying something.
27823	TG: all im saying is
27824	TG: no one likes a basketball hog
27825	TT: It's probably just "ball hog."
27826	TG: i just think you should know
27827	TG: that in the athletic arena of competitive achievement
27828	TG: its a widely known fact that cherry picking posers get showered in nothin but boos
27829	TG: you dont gank the rock and steal the big mans thunder on his raucus drive to the hole
27830	TT: Oh lord.
27831	TG: is that the sort of ignominy you want
27832	TG: see you didnt consider sports you never consider the sports
27833	TT: The last thing I want to do is come between a big man's thunder and any particular hole he might prize.
27834	TG: and yet
27835	TG: such has been whats happened
27836	TG: it like the tight end was going long down the yard in sudden death
27837	TG: its me im the tight end
27838	TG: and the quarterback sniped the fieldgoal just before the nfl buzzer went off
27839	TG: the greedy qb is you
27840	TT: That's not even close to being a thing in football.
27841	TG: but instead of winning the gold sports prize you just fucking die and nobody cares and it didnt mean anything
27842	TT: Which prize is that?
27843	TG: the football prize
27844	TT: You mean the most vaunted accolade associated with the gridiron, known as "Stanley's Cup?"
27845	TG: no come on
27846	TG: its called the bruce bombardi trophy or something
27847	TG: for best pile squad
27848	TT: I'll take your word for it.
27849	TG: and even though youre dead all these fat millionaires in helmets just leap on your corpse anyway and pile up and i mean WAY up
27850	TT: How high do they even have to be?
27851	TG: the sport pile doesnt stop from getting taller
27852	TT: Does the officiator have a means of measurement on hand?
27853	TT: I wouldn't want to be crushed by a nonregulation sport pile.
27854	TG: what do you care youll be dead like the mission thieving poser you are
27855	TT: Poser?
27856	TT: So not cool.
27857	TG: yes poser it should be my torso getting pulverized by that avalanche of overpaid beefcakes and you know it
27858	TT: I forget what we were doing exactly.
27859	TT: Were we pursuing the hackneyed debate over who has the best claim to self sacrifice,
27860	TT: Or seeing who can out-dumbass the other with obtuse sports lingo?
27861	TG: there obviously stopped being a difference between those things the question is offensive
27862	TG: almost as offensive as you stalling me while you peel out of here in your dumb moon
27863	TT: I'm the one stalling?
27864	TT: The moon is probably just a speck in the sky now due to your strange beefcake harangue.
27865	TG: yeah but i dont know how to wake back up is the thing
27866	TG: how do i wake back up
27867	TT: I guess I could wake back you up, if you really want.
27868	TG: ok then do it
27869	TT: But you have to promise to stay put.
27870	TT: Don't try to stop me. Just let it go.
27871	TG: but this was my mission
27872	TT: It really makes no sense for you to go. This was never your preoccupation.
27873	TT: They selected me a long time ago.
27874	TG: that doesnt make sense
27875	TG: why would they drag me into it just to have me make a map and then let you ditch me
27876	TG: theyve obviously been gunning for me too
27877	TT: Yes, they helped you chart a path through the Ring. And they will open that path for a pilot they have marked.
27878	TT: I believe I fit the description. I'm not sure about you.
27879	TG: why do you think that
27880	TT: I am the pilot. That's all there is to say on the matter.
27881	TG: but i dont want you to die
27882	TT: Help John and Jade.
27883	TG: this isnt right
27884	TT: Then I'm not going to help you wake you up.
27885	TT: I'll stall some more.
27886	TG: so you admit you were stalling with all that bullshit
27887	TT: I said not entirely.
27888	TG: what do you mean
27889	TT: It's going to be a long ride through all this nothingness.
27890	TT: Maybe I just thought some company would be nice.
27891	TT: Before it's all over.
27892	TG: ............
27893	TT: So what'll it be?
27894	TG: what
27895	TT: I'll wake you, but only if you promise to rejoin the others.
27896	TT: Could you give a message to John for me?
27897	TG: sure
27898	TG: but
27899	TG: if im promising not to chase you down then theres not really any hurry to wake up
27900	TT: Aw, are you sure?
27901	TT: I was looking forward to bowling another wicked googly with the yarn.
27902	TT: Sportsways.
27903	TG: nah ill stay asleep a while
27904	TT: Ok.
27905	TG: what did you want me to tell john
27906	TT: What was that?
27907	TG: what
27908	TT: Did you hear something?
27909	TG: no what
27910	TT: I thought I heard something outside.
27911	TG: whos this douche dag
27912	TG: i mean bag
27913	TG: im stuttering this dude is making me nervous
27914	TT: You don't remember him?
27915	TG: no
27916	TT: Then I guess this isn't a memory.
27917	TG: so hes actually here with us on the moon
27918	TT: Not with us.
27919	TT: Just me.
27920	TT: You're still on Derse, remember?
27921	DAVESPRITE: i busted into his palace
27922	DAVESPRITE: to finish the quest
27923	DAVESPRITE: i was expecting him to be asleep and was gonna figure out some way to wake him up
27924	DAVESPRITE: but like last time i saw him
27925	DAVESPRITE: he was already awake to greet me
27926	JADESPRITE: but i thought the denizens were supposed to be asleep?
27927	JADESPRITE: at least until you do the right things on your quest...
27928	DAVESPRITE: they are
27929	DAVESPRITE: as sprites were programmed to know things like that about the game
27930	DAVESPRITE: but i guess not everything
27931	DAVESPRITE: it seems like if you try to go fight them too soon
27932	DAVESPRITE: you find them awake and theyre like
27933	DAVESPRITE: what the fuck are you doing here already
27934	DAVESPRITE: which is what happened last time i saw him
27935	DAVESPRITE: before i became a sprite
27936	DAVESPRITE: and i stupidly tried to fight him which was a bad idea because hes hella strong
27937	DAVESPRITE: and the whole time he was raving about shit
27938	DAVESPRITE: about a stolen sword and missing forge
27939	DAVESPRITE: but i wasnt really listening
27940	DAVESPRITE: if i had i might have understood
27941	DAVESPRITE: he wasnt actually trying to kill me he was giving me the choice
27942	JADESPRITE: what choice
27943	DAVESPRITE: wait i mean The Choice
27944	DAVESPRITE: i always forget i can talk underlined for important shit
27945	JADESPRITE: what did you choose?
27946	DAVESPRITE: i guess i made an unwitting choice
27947	DAVESPRITE: by deciding to flee
27948	DAVESPRITE: i figured he was unbeatable so i decided to get the fuck out of there
27949	DAVESPRITE: so i snapped a quick captcha to get his huge hammers code and then gtfo
27950	JADESPRITE: what happened when you saw him this time?
27951	DAVESPRITE: like i said he was awake again
27952	DAVESPRITE: but this time i wasnt in any condition to fight
27953	DAVESPRITE: so i didnt
27954	DAVESPRITE: and thats what i didnt get
27955	DAVESPRITE: hes this terrible angry monstrous guy but theres no need to fight him
27956	DAVESPRITE: so he looked me up and down all hard
27957	DAVESPRITE: saw the broken sword
27958	DAVESPRITE: and like before gave me the choice
27959	JADESPRITE: you mean Choice!
27960	JADESPRITE: hehehe :p
27961	JADESPRITE: oops
27962	DAVESPRITE: yeah
27963	JADESPRITE: so it was the same choice?
27964	DAVESPRITE: no
27965	DAVESPRITE: it was different
27966	DAVESPRITE: i think it must be always different
27967	DAVESPRITE: depending on the circumstances
27968	DAVESPRITE: i dont know what the choice is when you face him the way youre supposed to
27969	DAVESPRITE: but im showing up as this bleeding bird sprite holding his broken sword
27970	DAVESPRITE: so thats pretty odd situation
27971	JADESPRITE: then what did he make you decide?
27972	DAVESPRITE: he sees i got his sword and its busted and you can tell hes pissed
27973	DAVESPRITE: but like before its like restrained anger
27974	DAVESPRITE: like hes always about to just fucking flip but still keeps it together
27975	DAVESPRITE: so he can tell me
27976	DAVESPRITE: he can repair it
27977	DAVESPRITE: and make the deringer with the forge lit
27978	DAVESPRITE: he says he can repair anything
27979	DAVESPRITE: but only one thing
27980	DAVESPRITE: and i had to choose
27981	DAVESPRITE: so i said ok fix the sword
27982	JADESPRITE: as opposed to what?
27983	DAVESPRITE: meh
27984	DAVESPRITE: doesnt matter really
27985	DAVESPRITE: i just thought making the sword felt like the right thing
27986	JADESPRITE: oh...
27987	DAVESPRITE: so i gave him the sword
27988	DAVESPRITE: but it still wasnt all that simple
27989	DAVESPRITE: he needed lava from the forge to make it
27990	DAVESPRITE: which means echidna had to be awake
27991	DAVESPRITE: our denizens had to have some kind of truce to make it happen
27992	DAVESPRITE: see what i mean about it being complicated
27993	JADESPRITE: yeah ._.
27994	DAVESPRITE: so jade must have done something right
27995	DAVESPRITE: to wake her up and get the forge going
27996	DAVESPRITE: dont know what she did though
27997	JADESPRITE: probably something amazing
27998	JADESPRITE: she is still working so hard to help everyone
27999	JADESPRITE: i guess i used to be that way...
28000	JADESPRITE: but ive completely forgotten how
28001	DAVESPRITE: are you sure
28002	JADESPRITE: whats happening?
28003	DAVESPRITE: reckoning
28004	DAVESPRITE: its getting close to the end
28005	DAVESPRITE: more meteors are getting by the portals
28006	DAVESPRITE: the battlefield will probably be wiped out soon
28007	JADESPRITE: can we do something to stop it?
28008	DAVESPRITE: would there be a point
28009	JADESPRITE: i dont know.....
28010	JADESPRITE: i like it here though
28011	JADESPRITE: i felt like i was drawn to come here when i wasnt sure where to go
28012	DAVESPRITE: yeah me too
28013	JADESPRITE: the meteors
28014	JADESPRITE: and all the fire...
28015	JADESPRITE: it reminds me of when i died
28016	JADESPRITE: and i was trying to wake john up
28017	JADESPRITE: i was scared then too
28018	JADESPRITE: but i didnt let the fear stop me from trying to save him
28019	DAVESPRITE: what would you want to do
28020	DAVESPRITE: if you werent scared
28021	JADESPRITE: i have no idea
28022	JADESPRITE: i guess try to help
28023	JADESPRITE: what is there to do?
28024	DAVESPRITE: well
28025	DAVESPRITE: i was going to bring this sword to dave
28026	JADESPRITE: oh noo
28027	JADESPRITE: does that mean youre going to leave?
28028	DAVESPRITE: no
28029	DAVESPRITE: i was gonna say
28030	DAVESPRITE: im not in any shape for more adventuring
28031	DAVESPRITE: i figure this is probably my last stop
28032	JADESPRITE: :(
28033	DAVESPRITE: but maybe this is a way you can help
28034	JADESPRITE: you mean...
28035	JADESPRITE: that i should give him the sword?
28036	DAVESPRITE: if you want
28037	JADESPRITE: but i dont want to leave you here either
28038	DAVESPRITE: maybe you dont have to actually go anywhere
28039	DAVESPRITE: you oughta have a lot of special powers remember
28040	DAVESPRITE: because of ascending to doghood
28041	JADESPRITE: oh yeah!
28042	DAVESPRITE: try doing your spacey thing
28043	DAVESPRITE: i mean not to sound condescending or anything but its got to be like borderline omnipotence pretty much
28044	DAVESPRITE: just put your mind to it
28045	JADESPRITE: alright, i will try.....
28046	EB: i remember now.
28047	EB: i was tricked by a troll into flying up to the last gate, using this rocket pack.
28048	EB: she said i could take a shortcut and go kill my denizen while he was sleeping.
28049	EB: it...
28050	EB: did not quite work out that way.
28051	AG: This sounds like Terezi's handiwork.
28052	EB: i don't know. she didn't tell me her name.
28053	EB: she was a blind troll. she made me this incredibly shitty map for me to follow!
28054	AG: Yep. That's her.
28055	AG: I guess she got 8oth of us then. Un8elieva8le.
28056	EB: she tricked you too?
28057	AG: Yes.
28058	AG: Well, not tricked, so much as made a pointless coin flip and sta88ed me in the 8ack.
28059	EB: wow. that's pretty cold blooded!
28060	AG: Oh, sure. She was easily the most underhanded and villainous mem8er of our group.
28061	AG: 8ut I did let my guard down. And even when she sta88ed me, I sure didn't think I was going to die.
28062	EB: why not?
28063	AG: It turns out immortality isn't all it's cracked up to 8e. Let's leave it at that.
28064	EB: hmm...
28065	EB: so i guess you never got around to giving me immortality like you said? or killing me, for that matter.
28066	EB: sounds like the blind troll beat you to it.
28067	AG: No, I did! 8ut........
28068	AG: Ugh, this will 8e hard to explain to you.
28069	EB: explain what?
28070	AG: Haha. I guess in her own sick way, she actually set us up on this d8 together.
28071	AG: May8e I should thank her whenever she falls asleep? Or dies, god for8id.
28072	EB: so...
28073	EB: now it is a date?
28074	AG: I don't know.
28075	AG: I said it wouldn't 8e unless you remem8ered. And now you remem8er.
28076	AG: 8ut you still don't remem8er me, do you?
28077	EB: nope.
28078	AG: Yeah, thought so.
28079	AG: This version of you died 8efore I started messing with you. Not that I expect you to understand what that means.
28080	EB: no, i get that.
28081	EB: if i had decided not to take the shortcut, i would have lived. and then you would have talked to me a lot?
28082	AG: Yes, that's right.
28083	AG: I guess I should have learned to give you more credit 8y now.
28084	EB: well, i might not have figured that out, if not for...
28085	EB: some things that just happened.
28086	AG: I still can't 8elieve I'm meeting a version of you that doesn't remem8er a thing a8out me. None of my gr8 exploits, or any of the ways I helped you. Only that one stupid time I taunted you!
28087	AG: It's a vaguely frustr8ing feeling.
28088	EB: sorry... not sure what to tell you!
28089	AG: So you remem8er literally nothing I told you a8out myself? Not even the, uh........
28090	AG: Compromising stuff?
28091	EB: well, you did just show me around your planet. which was really cool!
28092	EB: ... there's compromising stuff?
28093	AG: Your species would think so. 8ut I guess it doesn't matter anymore.
28094	EB: i guess not.
28095	EB: but who says we can't get to know each other again?
28096	AG: You wouldn't find that 8oring?
28097	EB: no way! not if you wouldn't.
28098	EB: you said the name of the blind troll who killed us, but you have not told me yours yet.
28099	AG: I haven't?
28100	EB: no.
28101	AG: ........
28102	AG: It's Vriska.
28103	EB: nice to meet you, vriska.
28104	EB: i am john! even though you know that.
28105	AG: Yes.
28106	EB: so now what do we do? aside from be dead for probably ever.
28107	AG: Man, I don't know.
28108	AG: May8e,
28109	AG: You could tell me a8out how you died?
28110	AG: What were the "things that just happened" you were talking a8out?
28111	EB: well, like i said, i flew up to the last gate. like this.
28112	EB: oh, nice boots!
28113	AG: ::::D
28114	EB: it brought me inside the palace.
28115	EB: it was huge, and it took a long time to explore. it was eerily empty too.
28116	EB: i had that weird feeling of getting to a place in a video game you are not supposed to be yet, because you don't have the right powerups and such.
28117	EB: you know what i mean?
28118	AG: Not really.
28119	AG: I'm used to taking shortcuts whenever I play games.
28120	EB: oh, ok.
28121	EB: so, i started getting crazy nervous the longer i was down here, and i was starting to wonder if my silly iron pogo hammer would even do any damage against the monster.
28122	AG: *Snort.*
28123	EB: what?
28124	AG: Against a denizen? Of course that piece of shit isn't going to do anything.
28125	AG: If I were you, I would have chucked it into the forge.
28126	EB: excuse me, it is called the wrinkle fucker, and it is totally amazing.
28127	AG: It might 8e alright if you com8ined it with something awesome.
28128	AG: Like some cool dice, for instance.
28129	EB: that's so absurd, like anything like that would ever even happen!!!
28130	AG: What's this?
28131	EB: i found it very deep in the palace dungeon. i was wandering for hours, following a horrible sound through the pipes.
28132	EB: i could tell typheus was really close, because it was very loud here. it could only be the sound of him sleeping.
28133	EB: i was so tempted to play it, but i didn't dare risk waking him up!
28134	EB: pretty much by then i was sweating bullets at the thought of confronting him.
28135	AG: You were right to 8e nervous. Denizens are incredi8ly powerful monsters. You had no chance whatsoever at this stage of the game.
28136	AG: You might have stood a chance after I started helping you. 8ut Terezi really screwed you over 8y leading you here so early.
28137	EB: yeah...
28138	EB: i guess if i ever see her, i should thank her too.
28139	AG: Why?
28140	EB: because this was important.
28141	AG: What was? Getting killed 8y a monster?
28142	EB: well, yes. but not just that.
28143	EB: the whole ruse was important!
28144	EB: if i didn't make the decision to go, then dave would not be able to go back in time and fix things.
28145	EB: in fact, if i didn't die here in this palace, we never would have been born in the first place!
28146	AG: How could you know all that?
28147	EB: this way...
28148	AG: This denizen does not look asleep to me.
28149	EB: nooope.
28150	EB: he was wide awake when i found him. i practically crapped my pants!
28151	AG: Well, that explains your quick death. If your denizen was anything like mine, it wouldn't have wasted much time 8efore unleashing a huge shitstorm of devast8ing monster magic.
28152	EB: what was your denizen like?
28153	AG: Her name was Cetus.
28154	AG: She was this awful sea monster. Her lair was deep underground amidst a 8unch of shipwrecks. She was quite vicious and territorial. I knew I had to kill her quickly to release the hoard, 8efore she had the chance to do anything tricky.
28155	EB: what do you mean, tricky?
28156	EB: did she talk to you?
28157	AG: Oh, of course. She was 8a88ling in riddles through most of the fight. I wasn't paying much attention though. I mean, what creature DOESN'T speak in 8oring riddles in this game?
28158	EB: so, is that what you all did?
28159	EB: kill your denizens as fast as possible, without listening to them?
28160	AG: Yeah, pretty much. We were all pretty good players, remem8er?
28161	EB: yes, so i've heard.
28162	AG: Well........
28163	AG: Ok, I can't exactly speak for everyone. There was a lot going on, and I don't know how some people went a8out 8eating their denizens.
28164	AG: For instance, I'm not sure how our hero of 8reath did it. May8e the monster just released the hoard for him out of pity????????
28165	EB: maybe he just talked to his denizen?
28166	AG: If there was a way to avoid a tough 8attle, I'm sure he found it.
28167	AG: It sounds like a good way to cheat yourself out of a lot of sweet xp and loot though.
28168	EB: i dunno. you might be surprised!
28169	AG: John, are you saying you had a nice friendly chat with this hideous, 8loodthirsty creature 8efore he killed you?
28170	EB: yes!
28171	EB: typheus may not be pretty to look at...
28172	EB: but he is not a bad guy at all!
28173	fedorafreak: eureka.
28174	fedorafreak: stand by for clarification re: enthusiastic outburst.
28175	fedorafreak: yes. it is as hoped for beyond hope.
28176	fedorafreak: unusual devices may be used to duplicate fresh, perfectly pressed garments. inexhaustibly, afaik.
28177	fedorafreak: reconstructing complete professional ensemble now - hold.
28178	fedorafreak: pleased to report restoration of dapper visage an overwhelming success.
28179	fedorafreak: alas, devices appear to hold no such promise for departed family members, misplaced hand-held steam press.
28180	fedorafreak: update on device utility - combinative apparel synthesis presents intriguing possibilities.
28181	fedorafreak: now combining expensive leather pipe tobacco sleeve with handsome, gray fedora.
28182	fedorafreak: to document result shortly.
28183	fedorafreak: resulted in hat w/ outlandish and frivolous appearance.
28184	fedorafreak: do not care for; shall discard immediately.
28185	fedorafreak: combination of pant, fine cotton shirt even more disappointing.
28186	fedorafreak: yielded useless, excessively tall pant; relieveing from wardrobe at once.
28187	fedorafreak: made unwelcome determination. production requires expense of glittering abstractions called grist.
28188	fedorafreak: such jewels remaining in cache, libation in reserve, at premium.
28189	fedorafreak: consumed final swallow of carefully rationed urine. soon to seek water elsewhere in exotic new surroundings.
28190	fedorafreak: more importantly, to seek grist facilitating continued accessorizing.
28191	fedorafreak: note to self: use spoils to make more hats.
28192	fedorafreak: preparing for expedition to reap gems from mischievous local fauna.
28193	fedorafreak: crafted sturdy bludgeoning instrument out of uprooted mailbox.
28194	fedorafreak: tall pant perhaps adaptable as defensive garment.
28195	fedorafreak: pardon while donning tall pant.
28196	fedorafreak: donned tall pant.
28197	fedorafreak: confidence in martial prowess perplexingly swells.
28198	fedorafreak: venturing out; powering down gray, serviceable hand-held computing device to preserve battery.
28199	fedorafreak: additional updates to be submitted in a frank and forthright manner for judicious appraisal within a reasonable timeframe.
28200	fedorafreak: tia for patience.
28201	fedorafreak: turning on hand-held device for brief report.
28202	fedorafreak: severe injury sustained in skirmish with undersized, sportive rascal.
28203	fedorafreak: tall pant unremarkable in protective utility. damaged; badly bloodied.
28204	fedorafreak: no indication of laundering facilities throughout enchanted land whatsoever.
28205	fedorafreak: losing fluid rapidly. maintaining adequate hydration levels more important than ever.
28206	fedorafreak: libations unfortunately not forthcoming.
28207	fedorafreak: rest needed.
28208	fedorafreak: seeking surface suitable for assuming reclined posture.
28209	fedorafreak: strength depleting. tie loosened, removed, rolled up neatly and tucked beneath hat.
28210	fedorafreak: minimal stamina left for disrobing sodden tall pant. leaving on.
28211	fedorafreak: encountered rest surface.
28212	fedorafreak: horizontal stone slab exhibiting unidentified iconography.
28213	fedorafreak: a tall post at each corner.
28214	fedorafreak: mysteriously inviting.
28215	fedorafreak: mounting slab. exhaustion taking hold.
28216	pipefan413: Excuse me, sir!
28217	fedorafreak: @pipefan413, friend.
28218	fedorafreak: @pipefan413, sound of voice nearly refreshing enough to distract from perpetual taste of warm, poorly filtered urine.
28219	pipefan413: Oh my, no. I am not actually your friend, dear.
28220	pipefan413: I am his mother! Hoo hoo hoo.
28221	fedorafreak: another of @pipefan413's legendary pranks? pl clarify.
28222	fedorafreak: if y; prepared to regard as hilarious.
28223	pipefan413: Were that it was. I'm sorry to say there is no chicanery in play at all today.
28224	pipefan413: Though yes, that WOULD be quite the doozy. I believe the late, great Colonel would surely say we were cooking with petrol upon hearing such a whopper.
28225	pipefan413: No, I am just an old woman looking for her son.
28226	fedorafreak: understood, madame.
28227	pipefan413: You remind me of him so. Would you mind terribly if I talked to you for a little while?
28228	pipefan413: I am fearing the worst for my son, while my grandson has gone off to do great things. I've caught myself feeling a bit lonely, hoo.
28229	fedorafreak: can imagine no greater pleasure.
28230	fedorafreak: though, eyelids heavy.
28231	fedorafreak: getting dark; feeling in extremities, fading.
28232	pipefan413: Oh, but you must be exhausted from your travels! You poor thing.
28233	pipefan413: Why don't you just lie there and rest? I will tell you a story.
28234	fedorafreak: @pipefan413's kindly mother: ty
28235	pipefan413: It is a fairy tale about a young sister and brother who were raised by a wicked witch!
28236	pipefan413: The witch in truth was a world famous baking baroness. Her cruelty made life miserable for the two children, who did not have their father anymore to protect them.
28237	pipefan413: He was the greatest prankster who ever lived, and a true southern gentleman. He was killed by a comet on the day the boy was born, and the wicked baroness raised them alone, with a hand as firm as that which she ran her brutal baking empire.
28238	pipefan413: The children pledged to each other that one day they would run away together.
28239	pipefan413: They followed in the footsteps of the dear colonel, in defiance of the old batterwitch. They studied his every jape, and practiced them in secret!
28240	pipefan413: But as they grew older, their interests drifted apart. The boy developed a passion for adventure and put aside his study of practical jokes. He dreamed of wealth and fame and discovery and swore he would wander the world.
28241	pipefan413: One day he decided to run away with the loyal dog he inherited from their father. He asked the girl if she would come along, but she was too scared of the retribution that might follow.
28242	pipefan413: The boy scoffed at the danger, and assured his sister there was nothing to worry about. But he had not seen first hand what the baroness was capable of!
28243	pipefan413: He told his sister that he believed in her, and that she could handle whatever the witch could throw at her. And with that, he was off, and she would never see him again.
28244	pipefan413: The baroness would raise her very strictly, mentoring her in the art of baking. The girl took to the lessons with fierce determination. Her only act of defiance left was to one day surpass the baroness in skill, and beat her at her own game. It was all she could do, for the baroness made sure she knew there could be no escape.
28245	pipefan413: The girl surely missed her brother, and soon enough he achieved fame for his exploits. She followed him in the newspapers, the tales of his remarkable discoveries, inventions, and riches. How she wished she could rejoin him, and be free from toiling for the pastry hag!
28246	pipefan413: One day, the girl was able to gather enough bravery to mention her brother to the baroness, and her desire to see him again. With contempt, she guaranteed that this could never happen. When the girl asked why, that is when the baroness began to reveal to her more than just her baking secrets.
28247	pipefan413: She mentioned that like in many fairy tales, there was more to the children's past than they knew. The colonel was not their father, nor was the baroness their mother. They in fact had no father or mother at all, nor were they ever actually born. They had both fallen from the sky! They were not actually brother and sister as they had been told either. Again like in many fairy tales, the truth was that they were always destined to become married one day. They were to have two children, a son and a daughter, and these children were meant to save the world! But the batterwitch was determined to make sure this destiny would never be realized. In her limitless cruelty she would do all in her power to keep them apart for the rest of their lives.
28248	pipefan413: The girl that day swore she would bring down the baroness and her evil empire. She would use the many secrets she'd learned over the years against her, and began carefully plotting her downfall.
28249	pipefan413: Years went by. The girl was nearly ready to put her plan into action. But then, just like that, the baroness disappeared. She was never seen or heard from again.
28250	pipefan413: The girl was finally free, by a strange turn of events. But not without a final jab from the witch. It turned out that in her will she had left the entire company to the boy!
28251	pipefan413: The boy, now a grown man, was already very wealthy in his own right. He had no particular need for the baking empire, but assumed control nonetheless, and integrated the company into his extensive collection of enterprises.
28252	pipefan413: The girl, instead of seeing this as more misfortune, took the news as a relief. She'd just as soon have nothing to do with the witch's empire, and far preferred to pursue her original passion for practical japery. Hoo hoo hoo!
28253	pipefan413: She considered a reunion with her estranged brother, and once destined husband to be. But the days of longing for a future with him seemed to be from another lifetime. The chance had come and gone. She was content to let him live his increasingly elaborate life, while she sought a simpler one.
28254	pipefan413: Besides, now was not the time to revisit a destiny with an old star-crossed lover. She had recently become betrothed to a fine, upstanding gentleman. Soon, she would start a family. No, not one meant for heroism as foretold, but one that would make her happy nonetheless.
28255	pipefan413: In following years, she was left to ponder all that might have been.
28256	pipefan413: What might have been if there had been no baroness to keep the girl and boy apart?
28257	pipefan413: What might have been if the baroness had not disappeared, and she had the opportunity to use her secrets against her!
28258	pipefan413: For you see, the girl had uncovered so many dirty secrets about the terrible batterwitch, including the most troubling one of all.
28259	pipefan413: Of course no one would have believed her, but she knew.
28260	pipefan413: She knew the baroness was not human! :B
28261	CG: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING NOW.
28262	GG: pw.
28263	CG: SERIOUSLY, WHY DID YOU GO BACK TO SEE HER? YOU DIDN'T MENTION THIS LAST TIME.
28264	GG: listen fuckass
28265	GG: i am going to need a password before we continue
28266	GG: plz <3
28267	CG: RIGHT, OK.
28268	CG: LET'S SEE IF I CAN REMEMBER, IT WAS PRETTY ELABORATE IF I RECALL, OK HERE GOES.
28269	CG: I'M A DISGUSTING WORTHLESS BILGESACK ON THE GARGANTUAN TEAT OF A LABORING, LEPROUS MUSCLEBEAST. MY SELF ESTEEM IS SO SMALL, ITS EXISTENCE IS A MATTER OF CONJECTURE AMONG THEORETICAL PHYSICISTS. I SMELL SO BAD, THE STENCH CANNOT BE EXPRESSED WITH EVEN THE MOST ELOQUENT, FLORID LANGUAGE. THE ODOR MY BODY MAKES HAS MADE POETS CRY. I HAVE WON SPECIAL AWARDS FOR DISCOVERING NEW PLACES TO TOUCH MYSELF EROTICALLY WHILE FARTING. I UNFAIRLY PULVERIZE THE COMPETITION IN ASSHOLE PAGEANTS, AND I HAVE RECEIVED A LIFETIME BAN FROM UGLY CONTESTS BY PRESIDENT SHITFACE HIMSELF. MY BLOOD IS NOT FIT TO FLOW THROUGH A SEWER, AND MY SIGN IS A PICTOGRAPHIC SYMBOL THAT LOOSELY TRANSLATES AS "PLEASE HIKE THESE PANTS UP TO THIS GUY'S ARMPITS, CHAIN HIM TO A FLOGGING JUT, AND MAKE A FUCKING EXAMPLE OUT OF THIS SORRY SACK OF SHIT." WHEN I LOOK IN A MIRROR, MY REFLECTION SLOWLY SHAKES HIS HEAD WHILE I WET MYSELF IN SHAME.
28270	GG: ....................... :|
28271	CG: WHAT, THAT WAS IT, WASN'T IT. HOW WAS THAT NOT FUCKING IT, DID I FORGET AN APOSTROPHE SOMEWHERE?
28272	GG: no karkat, that was not quite the password
28273	GG: but you were on the right track :p
28274	CG: CAN WE JUST TALK NOW
28275	GG: do you even remember the right password?
28276	CG: SOMETHING ALONG THE LINES OF GRATUITOUS SELF DEPRECATION FORCED INTO MY MOUTH, INVOLVING REFERENCE TO SOME KIND OF WEIRD HUMAN COUPLING RITUAL?
28277	GG: youre being deliberately dumb
28278	GG: it was...
28279	GG: IF I HATE MYSELF SO MUCH, THEN WHY DON'T I HATEMARRY MYSELF?
28280	GG: remember?
28281	GG: i was just using the password system to poke a little fun at you, and you turn it into this whole overdramatic thing, jeeeeez.
28282	CG: HAHA! WHEE.
28283	CG: CAN WE GET DOWN TO FUCKING BUSINESS AGAIN?
28284	GG: i wonder if we will ever be able to start a conversation without having a ridiculous argument about the password system?
28285	CG: IF YOU WOULD DROP THE PASSWORD SYSTEM AND LET FUTURE ME TALK TO YOU, HE MIGHT BE ABLE TO GIVE YOU AN ANSWER.
28286	CG: SPOILER: THE ANSWER WOULD BE NO, BECAUSE THE PASSWORDS ARE RETARDED.
28287	GG: why would i want to do that??
28288	GG: the only guy whos dumber than past karkat is future karkat, and vice versa!
28289	GG: i have this on good authority from both sources
28290	CG: I STILL THINK YOUR USE OF THE TERMS IS KIND OF ASININE, THERE REALLY IS NO PAST OR FUTURE KARKAT FROM YOUR VIEW
28291	CG: THERE'S KARKAT WHO KNOWS LESS STUFF AND KARKAT WHO KNOWS MORE STUFF. WHY NOT JUST GATHER THE FACTS FROM THE ONE WHO'S GOT THE LOWDOWN ALREADY?
28292	CG: I MEAN, I'D DO IT MYSELF, BUT I CAN'T STAND THE GUY.
28293	GG: you see, that is your problem
28294	GG: okay, one of your many, many problems...
28295	GG: you have no patience to do things the right way, youre always just looking for the shortcut!
28296	GG: even if doing so has brought you nothing but trouble a hundred times before
28297	GG: it is sort of funny that the only thing standing in your way is one of your other problems, your preposterous self loathing
28298	GG: so you cant even trust your future self to help you cheat!
28299	GG: its like you have so many problems, they cancel each other out
28300	CG: THAT'S NOT THE ONLY THING STANDING IN MY WAY. YOUR STUPID PASSWORDS ARE ALSO STANDING IN MY WAY. IF NOT FOR THAT I COULD BE FAST TRACKING THIS TO SOLUTION CITY FOR US BOTH.
28301	GG: exactly :D
28302	CG: OK, WHATEVER, LET'S JUST GET ON WITH THIS "LINEAR CONVERSATION" OK?
28303	GG: ok
28304	CG: SO YOU GAVE ME THAT SILLY PASSWORD, AND WE ENDED OUR CONVERSATION A FEW MINUTES AGO FROM MY END
28305	CG: AND I SCANNED AHEAD LOOKING FOR A GOOD MOMENT ON YOUR TIMELINE TO PICK IT UP AGAIN
28306	CG: AND I NOTICE YOU WENT BACK TO SEE HER AGAIN FOR SOME REASON
28307	GG: yes
28308	CG: SO I'M JUST WONDERING WHY
28309	CG: WHAT HAPPENED TO THE FROG BREEDING, I THOUGHT WE WERE ON A ROLL WITH THAT
28310	GG: yes, we still are!
28311	GG: this little detour was related to that task. we should be nearly done.
28312	CG: WHAT WAS SHE EVEN SAYING TO YOU, I CAN'T UNDERSTAND A WORD OF THAT HORRIFYING GIBBERISH.
28313	GG: i can understand her just fine!
28314	CG: I STILL DON'T REALLY GET IT.
28315	CG: WHY MY DENIZEN WAS SUCH A NIGHTMARE WHILE YOURS APPARENTLY GIVES YOU GUTTURAL PEP TALKS IN SOME BYZANTINE MONSTER LANGUAGE.
28316	GG: we already talked about this
28317	GG: echidna and i have an understanding now ;)
28318	CG: OOH, VAGUE BULLSHIT, IT'S THE EXACT FUCKING THING I CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF.
28319	GG: well maybe if you werent in such a grumpy hurry all the time you wouldnt have killed your denizen so quickly
28320	GG: you might have actually learned something!!!!!!
28321	CG: HUGE UGLY MONSTERS ARE FOR KILLING, PERIOD.
28322	GG: did you ever talk to kanaya about it?
28323	CG: I DON'T REMEMBER, MAYBE?
28324	CG: I'M A BUSY GUY, JADE. I TALK TO A LOT OF PEOPLE ABOUT A LOT OF STUFF, INCLUDING MYSELF.
28325	GG: her situation was very similar to mine
28326	CG: I THOUGHT SHE KILLED HER DENIZEN TO LIGHT THE FORGE OR SOMETHING
28327	GG: it doesnt sound like you got the whole story
28328	GG: or maybe you just werent listening to her :p
28329	CG: WELL I SURE DON'T THINK IT WAS WHATEVER YOU DID
28330	CG: AND IN ANY CASE I THOUGHT ALL THAT WAS OVER WITH
28331	CG: WHY ARE YOU BACK, WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH FROG BREEDING?
28332	GG: this was kanayas suggestion
28333	CG: KANAYA'S STILL HELPING YOU?
28334	GG: yes!
28335	GG: im talking to her right now actually
28336	CG: OH
28337	CG: I SEE HER ACROSS THE ROOM, SHE'S NOT TALKING TO ANYONE ON A COMPUTER NOW.
28338	GG: durrr, of course not, shes from a different time than you genius
28339	CG: WHICH TIME
28340	GG: a few hours in your future!
28341	CG: AH, I SEE HOW IT IS.
28342	CG: YOU WON'T TALK TO FUTURE KARKAT UNTIL I JUMP THROUGH YOUR FUCKING PASSWORD HOOPS AND BECOME HIM EVENTUALLY
28343	CG: BUT YOU'LL TALK TO FUTURE KANAYA JUST LIKE THAT. DOUBLE STANDARD ANYBODY??? JADE SAYS YES PLEASE.
28344	GG: you are so ridiculous, i have kanaya using the same password system as you
28345	GG: she is just a little further ahead on my timeline is all
28346	GG: it would be pretty hard to keep you both synced up!
28347	CG: I THOUGHT YOU DIDN'T WANT SHIT SPOILED FROM THE FUTURE THOUGH.
28348	GG: yeah, from MY future, i dont want you guys telling me the things i do before i do them because you talked to future me!
28349	GG: but knowing a few things about your future doesnt really matter, NOT that i am going to tell you any of it, so dont ask
28350	CG: I THINK I AM ON THE VERGE OF BECOMING A RELIGIOUS PERSON, I JUST DON'T KNOW WHERE ELSE TO TURN TO REMOVE THE AWESOME SUFFERING THAT TROLLIAN'S TEMPORAL CHAT BULLSHIT MIRACULOUSLY CONTINUES TO INFLICT ON ME.
28351	CG: MAYBE THE MIRTHFUL MESSIAHS WILL COME AND TAKE MY PAIN AWAY?? OH YES, THAT SOUNDS HEAVENLY.
28352	CG: JADE, PLEASE EXCUSE ME WHILE I GO PAINT MY FACE TO OUTWARDLY REFLECT THE BEAUTY OF MY INNER AWAKENING, AND DRUB MY THINK PAN MERCILESSLY TO REDUCE MY INTELLIGENCE TO THE LEVEL NECESSARY TO SUSTAIN THESE BELIEFS.
28353	GG: siiign, what are you even talking about?
28354	CG: ARE WE ALMOST DONE CRAFTING THIS "MASTER PLAN"?
28355	CG: I HAVE STUFF TO ATTEND TO HERE. MY TEAM IS FALLING APART.
28356	CG: AND I CAN'T FIND GAMZEE ANYWHERE. I'M WORRIED HE MIGHT HAVE WANDERED OFF SOMEWHERE AND GOT HURT.
28357	GG: aw
28358	GG: well...
28359	GG: youll find him
28360	CG: I THOUGHT YOU WEREN'T TELLING ME ABOUT MY FUTURE.
28361	GG: i know, i made an exception
28362	GG: but only one!
28363	CG: LET'S MOVE THIS ALONG. JUST UPDATE ME ON THE FROGS, AND GIVE ME A NEW PASSWORD, OK?
28364	GG: kanaya thinks we should all talk about this
28365	GG: she says youre important to consult on the matter, but the you from her time is too busy
28366	CG: BUSY WITH WHAT?
28367	GG: :x!!!!!
28368	GG: she is opening a memo
28369	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/nextbowl2.gif" border="0" />
28370	PAST carcinoGeneticist [PCG] 03:14 HOURS AGO responded to memo.
28371	PCG: OH GOD, HE'S STILL FOLLOWING YOU?
28372	PCG: THAT IS SO MESSED UP.
28373	?GG: yeah...
28374	?GG: its ok though. as long as he is tailing me like a lost puppy, at least hes not killing anybody
28375	PCG: DON'T TRUST HIM JADE, I'M TELLING YOU. HE IS A STAB HAPPY PLANET EXPLODING ASSHOLE.
28376	PCG: REMEMBER WHAT HE DID TO DAVE? IT WAS LIKE THIS WHOLE EPISODE, YOU HAD A HYSTERICAL EPISODE ABOUT IT, REMEMBER?
28377	?GG: i remember the episode!!!
28378	?GG: but hes ok now
28379	?GG: and im kind of starting to think that was just his way of saying hi
28380	?GG: my dog used to fetch my bullets too!
28381	?GG: i really think he believes he is my dog, on some level
28382	PCG: JUST DON'T TURN YOUR BACK ON HIM, JADE.
28383	PCG: DON'T TURN YOUR BACK ON THE PUPPY.
28384	?GG: dont worry, im keeping my eye on him
28385	?GG: aaaaaa no no no, bad jack, bad!!!!!!
28386	PCG: HE REALLY SEEMS TO HATE FROGS.
28387	?GG: yeah...
28388	?GG: the poor froggies :(
28389	PCG: MY JACK HAD THIS IRRATIONAL THING AGAINST FROGS TOO.
28390	PCG: I MEAN MY NORMAL JACK. NOT PSYCHOPATH OMNIPOJACK.
28391	FGA: Derse Agents Are Heavily Predisposed Toward The Murder And Desecration Of Amphibious Lifeforms And Their Iconography Respectively
28392	FGA: Frequently I Had To Thwart Assassination Attempts From Their Kingdom
28393	FGA: Or Extermination Attempts Is Probably Better To Say
28394	?GG: youre probably right, they really seem to drive him crazy
28395	?GG: this is not the first time i have had to reprimand him
28396	PCG: WAIT, DID HE FOLLOW YOU INTO THE PALACE TOO JUST NOW?
28397	PCG: IS THAT WHO YOU WERE YELLING AT?
28398	?GG: he was growling at echidna and i had to tell him he was being very bad
28399	?GG: he destroyed some of her really nice statues too
28400	?GG: keeping him in line really makes me miss bec, he was such a good dog
28401	?GG: not to mention a best friend
28402	?GG: jack is just...
28403	FGA: Bad Dog
28404	FGA: Worst Enemy
28405	?GG: exactly
28406	PCG: I DON'T LIKE THIS A FUCKING BIT, IT MAKES ME REALLY NERVOUS.
28407	PCG: YOU JUST CHILLING WITH AN UNSPEAKABLY POWERFUL MASS MURDERER WITH THE BRAIN OF A WILD ANIMAL WHO'S ABOUT TO HOP SESSIONS AND TRY TO KILL ALL OF US IN A FEW HOURS.
28408	PCG: AND WHAT WERE YOU EVEN DOING THERE AGAIN, YOU STILL HAVEN'T TOLD ME.
28409	?GG: huh?
28410	PCG: THE PALACE.
28411	FGA: I Recommended She Return To Her Denizen For Advice
28412	PCG: ABOUT WHAT
28413	FGA: The Location Of The Final Frog Required To Complete The Gene Sequence
28414	FGA: One Whose Song Should Remove The Last Traces Of Dissonance From The Waveform
28415	FGA: The Creature Is Quite Elusive Remember
28416	PCG: OH YEAH
28417	PCG: YOU WERE SEARCHING FOR WEEKS
28418	FGA: Yes
28419	PCG: AND YOU NEVER FOUND IT
28420	FGA: I Had A Good Lead
28421	FGA: But You Decided There Was Not Enough Time Left To Bother With It
28422	PCG: THE RECKONING HAD STARTED.
28423	PCG: WE HAD TO KILL THE KING.
28424	FGA: Understood But This Was A Matter That Really Did Require Your Attention
28425	PCG: YEAH I KNOW, BUT MAYBE I WAS SICK TO FUCKING DEATH OF MUDDLING AROUND WITH FROGS AND THEIR CACOPHONOUS GODDAMN RIBBITS AND MIXING THEIR SLIME AND SHIT.
28426	PCG: I'M NOT AN ECTO SCIENTIST NO MATTER HOW MANY GRUBS WHO TURNED OUT TO BE US THE GAME MADE ME ACCIDENTALLY MAKE.
28427	?GG: but you are a programmer arent you? that is at least kind of like being a scientist, having some technical savvy...
28428	PCG: I WAS A SHITTY PROGRAMMER. AND ANYWAY I ONLY PROGRAMMED VIRUSES.
28429	PCG: SHITTY VIRUSES.
28430	PCG: I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO BE A SLIME TECHNICIAN OR A FROG FARMER OR A MYSTICAL FUCKING CROAK DECODER. I'M A WARRIOR AND A LEADER AND A COLD BLOODED KILLER.
28431	?GG: we know! you are clearly very good at being all of those things
28432	?GG: but now we need your help with frog science. can you help us?
28433	PCG: HOW LONG WILL THIS TAKE
28434	PCG: I DON'T MIND HELPING BUT I HAVE MAJOR LEADERSHIP DUTIES TO ATTEND TO HERE.
28435	FGA: Yes I Know The Team Is Falling Apart And Everything
28436	FGA: But Doing This Was Your Duty Too
28437	FGA: And After A Point Of Critical Complication There Is Only So Much Responsibility You Can Take For The Actions Of Your Team
28438	PCG: KANAYA, WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?
28439	PCG: WHAT HAPPENS IN THE FUTURE, ARE YOU GIVING ME SOME ASSURANCE THAT THINGS WILL WORK OUT?
28440	PCG: BECAUSE RIGHT NOW I DON'T KNOW WHERE THE HELL ANYBODY IS.
28441	FGA: The Future
28442	FGA: Um
28443	FGA: Okay Im A Vampire Now Apparently If That Helps
28444	PCG: WHAT THE FUCK IS A VAMPIRE
28445	?GG: shhhhhhhshhhshhshshsh.....
28446	?GG: SHOOSH
28447	?GG: no future talk!!! lets stay on topic
28448	PCG: OH MY GOD WHY CAN'T I GET A STRAIGHT FUCKING ANSWER TO A THING, IT'S A SIMPLE QUESTION
28449	?GG: kanaya means she is a very pretty girl with pointy fangs who has a bright sunny complexion and wears fancy dresses
28450	PCG: THANKS, THAT CLEARED EVERYTHING JUST RIGHT THE HELL UP!
28451	?GG: and...
28452	?GG: she drinks blood >_>
28453	PCG: OH
28454	PCG: YOU MEAN A RAINBOW DRINKER
28455	PCG: YEAH, I ALREADY KNOW ABOUT HER TRASHY NOVEL FANTASIES.
28456	PCG: ARE WE DONE SHITTING AROUND
28457	FGA: They Arent Trashy
28458	?GG: hee hee
28459	PCG: YES, HILARIOUS.
28460	PCG: I GUESS I HAVE NO CHOICE TO BELIEVE YOU BECAUSE SKEPTICISM IN THIS SITUATION IS FOR IDIOTS RIGHT?
28461	PCG: IF I SAID "YEAH RIGHT! IF THERE'S A DRINKER IN THIS HIVE I'LL EAT MY COCOON!" I'D BE LIKE THE DUMB LUSUS IN THE MOVIE WHO DOESN'T BELIEVE THE KID WHEN HE TELLS IT THERE'S A RAINBOW DRINKER IN THE CLOSET.
28462	PCG: SO I GUESS BY REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY I SHOULD NOT BE THAT DUMBASS, YELL "OH FUCK", AND TELL EVERYONE TO GET IN THE SCUTTLEBUGGY BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE.
28463	PCG: WELL FAT CHANCE, I'M NOT FALLING FOR IT.
28464	FGA: That Sounds Like A Stupid Movie
28465	PCG: HOW DO YOU KNOW WHAT SHE LOOKS LIKE ANYWAY, DID YOU SEE HER IN ONE OF YOUR AFTERLIFE BUBBLES?
28466	?GG: yup :)
28467	PCG: WHY? WHEN??
28468	?GG: karkat...
28469	?GG: that information qualifies as..........
28470	?GG: FUTURE STUFF!
28471	PCG: JUST
28472	PCG: I DON'T KNOW ANYMORE, SHIT IS GETTING AWAY FROM ME
28473	PCG: THE MORE TIME GOES BY WITHOUT WORD FROM GAMZEE THE MORE I WORRY
28474	PCG: AND THE MORE I FEEL LIKE SOMETHING TERRIBLE HAS HAPPENED
28475	PCG: OR WILL HAPPEN
28476	PCG: I SHOULD GO.
28477	?GG: no wait! just please listen a little longer?
28478	FGA: Yes Staying Would Be Better
28479	FGA: Trust Me That This Was And Still Is A Very Important Thing For You To Have Done And Still Do
28480	FGA: Maybe Even The Most Important
28481	PCG: FINE.
28482	PCG: BUT LET'S MOVE IT ALONG.
28483	PCG: DID ECHIDNA TELL YOU WHERE TO FIND THIS FROG?
28484	?GG: not exactly...
28485	?GG: she just helped me remember
28486	PCG: REMEMBER WHAT?
28487	?GG: something from my past
28488	?GG: if i accepted her terms
28489	FGA: What Were Her Terms You Never Did Tell Me
28490	?GG: yeah because you never told me yours!!!
28491	FGA: Oh
28492	FGA: I Just Thought It Wasnt That Important Or Interesting
28493	FGA: Since Karkat Thought The Battle Was More Pressing Than To Wait For Me To Locate Another Frog
28494	FGA: Also
28495	FGA: What She Asked Me To Do Was Impossible
28496	FGA: So
28497	FGA: Yeah
28498	?GG: hmm
28499	?GG: yeah she made me promise to do something that sounds impossible too
28500	?GG: except......
28501	?GG: i actually agreed :o
28502	?GG: i have no idea how im going to keep my side of the bargain, now that i think about it
28503	PCG: EXCUSE ME.
28504	PCG: REMEMBER
28505	PCG: FUCKING
28506	PCG: WHAT.
28507	?GG: oh right
28508	?GG: where the last frog is!
28509	?GG: or was...
28510	?GG: the thing is
28511	?GG: the frog we need is nowhere to be found in the medium
28512	?GG: it was on earth!
28513	?GG: but only very briefly
28514	?GG: it was when i was young
28515	?GG: before i woke up on prospit
28516	?GG: i had begun sleep walking
28517	?GG: both on the island and on the moon
28518	?GG: and in my dream it was very bright
28519	?GG: i saw something in the light
28520	?GG: i couldnt tell what it was so i got closer
28521	?GG: but before i got there i woke up
28522	?GG: and found myself by the lagoon surrounding the ruins
28523	?GG: i was about to walk home
28524	?GG: when i saw something appear on a lily pad
28525	?GG: it was a frog!
28526	?GG: an amazing shiny frog, not like any other ive seen in the lagoon
28527	?GG: it hopped over to me and i picked it up
28528	?GG: but then, just like that...
28529	?GG: it died
28530	?GG: later my grandpa made a robot for me to help me with my sleep walking
28531	?GG: it could do all the walking while i stayed safe in bed!
28532	?GG: it could also record my dreams
28533	?GG: i am sure he always knew my dreams were going to be special
28534	?GG: i suspect he knew it before i was even born
28535	PCG: OK GREAT, SO IT'S THERE ON THE MONITOR, PROBLEM SOLVED
28536	PCG: YOU JUST APPEARIFY ITS GHOST IMPRINT, MIX IT WITH YOUR CURRENT EVOLUTION'S PARADOX SLIME, SMOOTH OUT THE GENETIC WAVEFORM, TADPOLIFY BILIOUS SLICK, AND YOU'RE DONE.
28537	?GG: hopefully!
28538	PCG: SO YOU DIDN'T REMEMBER SEEING THIS FROG WHEN YOU WERE A KID AT ALL?
28539	?GG: no, it completely slipped my mind
28540	PCG: HOW DID SHE GET YOU TO REMEMBER?
28541	PCG: I MEAN, WHAT DID SHE MAKE YOU AGREE TO?
28542	?GG: well, like it was before
28543	?GG: the choices she gives you seem to have to do with facing mortality
28544	?GG: and making it clear if you choose one path over another it will lead to your death
28545	?GG: and that your death may even be necessary to accomplish a goal
28546	FGA: Yes Ive Inferred Their Ultimata Are All Personalized Variations On The Presentation Of Such Dilemmas
28547	?GG: yeah
28548	?GG: but
28549	?GG: that is not really what made this hard
28550	?GG: i mean
28551	?GG: nobody wants to die of course
28552	?GG: but at least...
28553	?GG: that is a clear thing
28554	?GG: you either do you you dont
28555	?GG: you know?
28556	PCG: YOU SAID WHAT SHE ASKED WAS IMPOSSIBLE.
28557	?GG: it might be
28558	FGA: What Were Her Demands
28559	?GG: she said
28560	?GG: that if i accepted her help
28561	?GG: that i would have to make a promise
28562	?GG: that whenever we left this place
28563	?GG: and wherever we end up going
28564	?GG: she had to come
28565	PCG: HUH?
28566	?GG: not just echidna but all the denizens
28567	?GG: their palaces their consorts their lands...
28568	?GG: everything
28569	?GG: i have to bring them all with us
28570	TC: If mOtHeRfUcKiN MaGiC'S AlL We'vE EvEr kNoWn aT
28571	TC: ThEn iT'S EaSy tO Be mIsSiN WhAt bE FuCkIn tHe hApS
28572	TC: BuT I'M AlL ScOpIn aT MiRaClEs tHaT ArE Up iN ThE AiR
28573	TC: GoT My sEe oN Of mIrAcLeS, tHeY'Re hErE AnD ThEy'rE ThErE
28574	TC: I Be cHeCkIn tHe mIrAcLeS WhIlE FaLlInG DoWn sTaIrS
28575	TC: SeEn tHe sHiT OuT A MiRaClEs tHaT ArE AlL BeInG Up aT BaSiCaLlY PrEtTy mUcH EvErYwHeRe, FuCk...
28576	TC: OcEaNs oF FaYgO FuCkIn gLiTtEr lIkE SpAcE
28577	TC: A FiSt fUlL Of sTaRdUsT'S WhAt's pOoFiN My fAcE
28578	TC: A MiLlIoN HoRnS HoNkIn rAcKeTs iN PiLeS
28579	TC: A OnE WhEeL DeViCe wHaT CaN RoCkEt iN StYlE
28580	TC: Is sHiT ThAt wHaT I WiSh fOr
28581	TC: BeCaUsE... (MoThErFuCkIn cHoRuS BrO)
28582	TC: I'M AlL A FiRm bElIeVeR At tHe mIrAcLeS
28583	TC: Do yOu hAvE TiMe fOr mY MiRaClEs, BrOtHeR :o)
28584	TC: Do yOu gEt yOuR NoTiCe oN Of tHe mIrAcLeS
28585	TC: So mAnY FuCkIn mIrAcLeS, tHe mAgIc mOtHeRfUcKiN MiRaClEs
28586	TC: HoNk.
28587	AT: oHH,
28588	AT: hAHA, oH YEAH, tHAT WAS,
28589	AT: sOO STRICT,
28590	TC: AhAhA, yEaH, bRo?
28591	AT: mOST DEFINITELY, yOUR RHYMES,
28592	AT: tHEY ARE RUTHLESSLY DISCIPLINARY, aND MY HEAR DUCTS HAVE BEEN NAUGHTY,
28593	AT: i THINK,
28594	AT: tHEY ARE NAUGHTY FOR MORE, }:)
28595	TC: MoThErFuCk dUdE, yOu bEsT UnDeRsTaNd i gOt mOrE SlAmS In mE.
28596	TC: ThEy bE As fOrEvEr aS My lImItLeSs fAiTh iN AlL My bElIeViNgS AnD ShIt.
28597	AT: }:O
28598	TC: BuT WhAt i mOtHeRfUcKiN NeEd, My bRoThEr...
28599	TC: AsIdE Of pLoWiNg nOsE FuCkInG FiRsT InTo a bItChIn pAn oF TeNaCiOuS MuCiLaGe
28600	TC: Is tO ChEcK OuT WhAt sLaMs yOu cAn sTiCk iN My dUcTs!
28601	AT: yEAHHH,
28602	AT: oH YEAH, tHESE MOST ENTIRELY CAN BE PROVIDED,
28603	AT: tHEY CAN BE DROPPED STRAIGHT INTO THE ORIFICES YOU MENTIONED,
28604	TC: HaHa, FuCkIn dRoP It bRo!
28605	TC: DrOp iT LiKe yOu sPaCeD OuT AnD FoRgOt yOu wErE HoLdInG It iN ThE FiRsT MoThErFuCkIn pLaCe.
28606	AT: yOU BROUGHT UP A PAN, uH,
28607	AT: iN THAT LAST sTAN, zA
28608	AT: bUT THE ONE i'M A FAN, oF
28609	AT: iS THE PAN HANDLED PUP, a,
28610	TC: ShIiIiIiIiIiIt.
28611	AT: yES, sHIT, iS A LEGIT,
28612	AT: tHING TO SAY ABOUT IT,
28613	AT: aBOUT THE PAN WITH THE MANGRIT,
28614	AT: oN WHOM i NOW SLAM IT,
28615	TC: SlAm iT LiKe a fUcKiN DoOr bY AcCiDeNt oN SoMeThInG ThAt hUrTs!!!
28616	TC: HoNkHoNkHoNkHoNkHoNk.
28617	AT: yOU CAN'T HANDLE MY SLAMS,
28618	AT: wELL, uNLESS WHEN YOU CAN,
28619	AT: iN WHICH CASE, tHAT'S COOL, uH
28620	AT: i JUST SERVE UP THE HOOPLA,
28621	AT: tO GOAT NOSES, tHAT ARE HOOPLESS, }:o)
28622	AT: aBOUT THE PAN, wHO'S CALLED PUPA,
28623	AT: iN THE CASE YOU WERE CLUELESS,
28624	AT: aBOUT THE PAN WHO CAN MAN, uP,
28625	AT: aND IS ABLE TO STAND, uP,
28626	AT: oN LEGS uNLIKE MINE, wHICH,
28627	AT: aRE FUNCTIONALLY USELESS,
28628	TC: GoD DaAaAaAaAaAaAaMn. YoU ArE DeAlIn sOmE HeArTy rEpRoAcH ToNiGhT.
28629	TC: FlYiNg fUcKiN HiGh, MaN.
28630	TC: HiGhEr tHaN A LaUgHsAsSiN Up oN ThE MoThErFuCkIn gRiEf tRaPeZe.
28631	TC: HiGhEr tHaN A SuBjUgGlAtOr gEtTiN HiS WeEp oN FoR ThE VaSt hOnK I BeLiEvE In tO CoMe.
28632	AT: hAHA, i WISH, }:)
28633	TC: No bRo i'm sErIoUs, YoUr rHyMeS ArE FlY As tHe mOsT WiCkEd pIeCe oF ShIt a mIrAcLe eVeR ToOk iN ThE SkY.
28634	TC: SoMeOnE ClIp tHeIr mOtHeRfUcKiN WiNgS So i sTaNd a cHaNcE! wHoOpS, i mEaN SiT A ChAnCe, FuCk...
28635	AT: tHE ONLY THING MORE FLY THAN THE RHYMES,
28636	AT: i'M SAYING TO EXPRESS ALL MY MALICES,
28637	AT: iS THE ABILITY HE HAD i WISH WAS MINE,
28638	AT: iNSTEAD OF i GUESS, THIS EXCESSIVE PARALYSIS,
28639	TC: (lOoK OuT FoR ThE HoOk bRo!!!)
28640	TC: GeT OfFa tHoSe wHeElS, gEt oFfA ThOsE WhEeLs.
28641	TC: If mIrAcLeS ArEn't fAkE He'lL GeT OfFa tHoSe wHeElS!
28642	AT: bUT HIGH, iN THIS CASE, hAS DOUBLE THE MEANING,
28643	AT: iT MEANS HE CAN FLY, pLUS DOES HIGH SELF ESTEEMING,
28644	AT: tHAT'S TWO THINGS HE HAS, tHAT i'D RATHER WERE MINE,
28645	AT: hIS TWO FLAPPY WINGS, aND hIS BIG HEALTHY SPINE,
28646	AT: oOPS,
28647	AT: tHAT'S THREE THINGS,,,
28648	TC: GeT OfFa tHoSe wHeElS, gEt oFfA ThOsE WhEeLs.
28649	TC: If mIrAcLeS ArEn't fAkE He'lL GeT OfFa tHoSe wHeElS!
28650	AT: uSING MY LEAST USELESS FOOT,
28651	AT: tO KICK IT BACK OVER TO YOU, fRIEND,
28652	TC: ShIiIt,
28653	AT: sLAM IT, uHH, lIKE, tHE DOOR IN THE FACE OF A CULLING DRONE,
28654	AT: lET'S PRETEND THAT'S A REAL POSSIBILITY, aND NOT INVITATION TO AN EVEN MORE PAINFUL DEATH, jUST FOR THE SAKE OF THAT EXPRESSION,
28655	TC: MoThErFuCk iT, mOtHeRfUcKeR!
28656	TC: PuRe mAgIc iS AlL WhEn tHeRe bE HaTcHiN Of gRuBs
28657	TC: I'Ve sEeN ShIt tHaT WoUlD ShOcK YoUr lOoKsTuBs
28658	TC: I PeEpEd oN A PlAcE Of 6 tRiLlIoN HeMoS
28659	TC: AlL Up aT OnE RoCk, BlEeDiNg aS EqUaLs
28660	TC: It's eAsY To sEe iF YoU SeArCh aLl yOuR FeElInS
28661	TC: ThAt pEaCe hApPeNs fIrSt, AnD MuRdEr's tHe sEqUeL
28662	TC: It's tHe bEaUtY Of tHe cArNiVaL, tHe mAgIc's iN TeNtS
28663	TC: FuCkIn dArKnEsS OuTsIdE, bUt tHe lIgHt mAkEs yOu wInCe
28664	TC: JuSt tAkE My mOtHeR FuCkIn hAnD BrO
28665	TC: PuT On yOuR ShAdEs, PuLl bAcK ThE FlAp
28666	TC: AnD GeT OfFa tHoSe wHeElS!!!
28667	AT: oKAY, i DID,
28668	AT: nOW i'M ON THE FLOOR, mOTIONLESS, iN A TERRIBLE WAY,
28669	AT: sO i GOT BACK ON THE WHEELS, iT WAS,
28670	AT: i NICE THOUGHT THOUGH,
28671	TC: HaHaHa fUcK MoThErFuCkIn yEaH!
28672	TC: LeT'S TaKe tHiS NiNjA-tItTiEd BiTcH BaCk tO ThE HiVe wItH ThE ChOrUs...
28673	TC: ToGeThEr mY MiRaClE BrOtHeR!
28674	AT: yES,
28675	TC: I'M AlL A FiRm bElIeVeR At tHe mIrAcLeS
28676	AT: dO YOU HAVE TIME FOR, mY MIRACLES, rELIGIOUS FRIEND, }:)
28677	TC: Do yOu gEt yOuR NoTiCe oN Of tHe mIrAcLeS
28678	AT: sO MANY, uH, gRATUITOUS EXPLETIVE, mIRACLES, tHE MAGIC MOTHER, aLSO eXPLETIVE, mIRACLES,
28679	TC: FuCk yEs, HeReS WhErE ThE SlAm tUrNs tO NoThIn bUt hOnKs...
28680	TC: HoNk hOnK HoNk hOnK HoNk hOnK HoNk
28681	TC: HoNk hOnK HoNk hOnK HoNk hOnK HoNk
28682	AT: HONK,
28683	TC: FuUuUuUuUuUuUuUuUuCk!
28684	AT: iT'S LESS APPROPRIATE FOR ME TO DO THE HONKS, tHAN YOU, bUT THAT WAS STILL GREAT,
28685	TC: YeAh, BrO. yEaH!!!
28686	AT: tHE SLAMS WERE TRULY PRIME, aND,
28687	AT: yOUR RELIGIOUS VIEWS, tHOUGH i DON'T SHARE THEM, aRE,
28688	AT: rEASONABLY INSPIRATIONAL,
28689	AT: i THINK i'M IN THE PROCESS OF RELEASING AT LEAST ONE TEAR,
28690	TC: Me tOo, BrO, yOu mOtHeR FuCkIn kNoW ThErE Be sOmE Of mY EyE's RoYaL JeLlY To gO WiTh yOuR EmOtIoNaL pEaNuT BuTtEr.
28691	AT: wHOA, aHA, hA,
28692	TC: ThIs iS BeAuTiFuL, dUdE, i fEeL So aT ChIlL WiTh yOu.
28693	AT: yEAH, fRIENDLINESS WITH YOU IS, pRETTY MUCH ALWAYS NICE, aND FUN TO HAVE,
28694	TC: HeY...
28695	TC: WhEn wE Up aNd sTaRt tO KiCk aT ThIs rEd TeAm NoIsE,
28696	TC: YoU ShOuLd mAkE YoUr wAy tO GeT YoUr hAnG On aT My hIvE.
28697	AT: oH, yES, tOTALLY,
28698	TC: We cOuLd sPlIt a tIn oF ThE PiMpEsT SnEeZe i gOt oN HaNd, BaKeD Up aLl sPeCiAl fOr yOu.
28699	TC: AnD ThEn mAyBe mAkE OuT A LiTtLe.
28700	AT: uH,
28701	TC: ;o)
28702	AT: ,
28703	AT: ,,
28704	AT: ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
28705	Oh shut up.
28706	AA: hey what are you doing out here!
28707	TA: 0ut where?
28708	AA: out of your bubble
28709	TA: oh, i dunn0.
28710	TA: am i not supp0sed to leave?
28711	AA: i just didnt think you could
28712	AA: i guess you must have a foot on either side
28713	AA: cant say im surprised!
28714	TA: uh, ok.
28715	TA: s0 what are you d0ing out here?
28716	AA: i am waiting for friends to arrive
28717	AA: they will need my help
28718	TA: what friends?
28719	TA: m0re ghosts?
28720	AA: no theyre alive
28721	AA: first
28722	AA: there will be two humans
28723	AA: they should be joining us any minute
28724	TA: first?
28725	TA: then what?
28726	AA: then rest of our party
28727	AA: the survivors
28728	TA: 0h
28729	TA: so then, we made it 0ut here alright.
28730	AA: yes
28731	AA: well
28732	AA: they made it
28733	AA: your body will arrive with them
28734	AA: along with the others
28735	AA: hey maybe we can have a funeral!
28736	TA: whats a funeral?
28737	AA: kind of like
28738	AA: a big corpse party
28739	AA: the humans could probably explain it better than me
28740	TA: ok, c0ol.
28741	TA: SHIT, it's s0 bright, how can y0u stand it here?
28742	AA: you can see the sun?
28743	TA: yeah, i can see it.
28744	TA: but..
28745	TA: it lo0ks 2d.
28746	TA: O_0
28747	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/nextbowl3.gif" border="0" />
28748	PAST carcinoGeneticist [PCG] 01:34 HOURS AGO responded to memo.
28749	PCG: JADE?
28750	PCG: ARE YOU STILL RESPONDING TO THIS MEMO?
28751	PCG: I GUESS I DON'T HAVE MUCH ENERGY LEFT TO ARGUE ABOUT PASSWORDS.
28752	PCG: I DIDN'T EVEN GET A PASSWORD LAST TIME.
28753	PCG: I HAD TO LEAVE ABRUPTLY BECAUSE SOLLUX AND ERIDAN STARTED DUELING AGAIN.
28754	PCG: AND THEN FEFERI AND KANAYA...
28755	PCG: IT ALL HAPPENED SO FAST.
28756	PCG: AND NOW GAMZEE IS HUNTING US ALL DOWN IN MURDER MODE.
28757	PCG: HE'S BEEN TAUNTING ME THROUGH OTHER PEOPLE'S MESSAGING DEVICES.
28758	PCG: AND LEAVING ME DISTURBING NOTES.
28759	PCG: I'M SURE OTHERS MUST BE DEAD BY NOW.
28760	PCG: AND NOW SOLLUX IS BLIND AND I LOST TRACK OF HIM SOMEHOW.
28761	PCG: I HEARD A STRAY HONK AND I RAN AND WE GOT SEPARATED AND
28762	PCG: I'M STARTING TO THINK
28763	PCG: THAT THIS MUST BE A DOOMED TIMELINE
28764	PCG: THAT'S WHY I CAN'T GET IN TOUCH WITH ANYONE
28765	PCG: THEY MUST BE DROPPING LIKE BEHEMOTH LEAVINGS OUT THERE.
28766	PCG: AND THAT MUST BE WHY
28767	PCG: FUTURE KANAYA WAS TALKING IN THIS MEMO
28768	PCG: BUT NOW SHE'S DEAD...
28769	PCG: WHICH MAKES THAT IMPOSSIBLE.
28770	PCG: IT WASN'T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN THIS WAY.
28771	PCG: GAMZEE ISN'T SUPPOSED TO GO CRAZY.
28772	PCG: I THINK IF HE DOES
28773	PCG: IT MEANS WE FUCKED SOMETHING UP.
28774	PCG: IT MEANS *I* FUCKED SOMETHING UP.
28775	PCG: HE'S MY RESPONSIBILITY, I HAVE TO MAKE SURE HE'S SAFE.
28776	PCG: AND I DIDN'T DO THAT.
28777	PCG: ONE TIME, ONE OF THE DOOMED ARADIAS TOLD ME SHE CAME FROM A TIME WHERE HE FLIPPED OUT AND KILLED EVERYBODY, BECAUSE OF MY FAILURE.
28778	PCG: I DIDN'T TAKE HER SERIOUSLY, BUT I SHOULD HAVE.
28779	PCG: SHE WAS CONSTANTLY FIXING MY FUCKUPS.
28780	PCG: ROBOTS FROM THE FUTURE ALWAYS COMING BACK TO TELL ME HOW SOME HASTY SHIT I DID WITH FROG BREEDING OR WHATEVER WOULD MAKE IT BE IMPOSSIBLE TO WIN.
28781	PCG: MY OWN PERSONAL MISTAKES PROBABLY ACCOUNTED FOR MORE DOOMED ARADIABOTS THAN ANYTHING ELSE.
28782	PCG: WHICH WAS SORT OF A SILVER LINING I GUESS? I DON'T THINK WE WOULD HAVE BEATEN THE KING WITHOUT HER ARMY.
28783	PCG: NOT THAT IT MATTERS ANYMORE.
28784	PCG: I'VE OBVIOUSLY BECOME JUST ANOTHER GUY IN A DOOMED TIMELINE WATCHING EVERYONE AROUND HIM DIE.
28785	PCG: I WAS JUST SITTING HERE WONDERING WHAT I COULD HAVE DONE WRONG THIS TIME
28786	PCG: TO MAKE THE TIMELINE TAKE A WRONG TURN
28787	PCG: AND PINPOINTING IT SEEMED OVERWHELMING SINCE I'VE MADE MORE TERRIBLE DECISIONS THAN I CAN EVEN COUNT.
28788	PCG: BUT
28789	PCG: I THINK LOOKING BACK
28790	PCG: I KNOW WHAT IT IS NOW.
28791	PCG: IT WAS BEFORE WE GOT TRAPPED ON THIS METEOR
28792	PCG: BEFORE JACK SHOWED UP
28793	PCG: BEFORE WE BEAT THE KING
28794	PCG: AND I WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW, JADE.
28795	PCG: THAT NO MATTER WHAT I SAID, I THINK THE FINAL FROG MUST BE IMPORTANT.
28796	PCG: AND KANAYA, IF YOU'RE READING THIS SOMEWHERE IN THE PAST MAYBE...
28797	PCG: I'M SORRY, YOU WERE RIGHT.
28798	PCG: I WAS ALWAYS IN SUCH A HURRY TO WIN, I DIDN'T TAKE THE TIME TO DO WHAT WAS NECESSARY.
28799	PCG: BILIOUS SLICK NEEDED THE GENES OF THAT FROG, AND BECAUSE I HALF ASSED THIS SO BAD EVERYONE IS GOING TO DIE.
28800	PCG: SEE, I WAS THINKING
28801	PCG: ABOUT JACK, AND HOW HE CAN'T STAND FROGS.
28802	PCG: AND I THINK I FINALLY UNDERSTAND WHAT'S GOING ON.
28803	PCG: I THINK I KNOW WHAT'S ABOUT TO HAPPEN AT THE END OF OUR TIMELINES.
28804	PCG: I THINK I KNOW WHAT THE CRITICAL MOMENT IS.
28805	PCG: AND IT'S COMPLETELY MY FAULT.
28806	PCG: ECTOBIOLOGY IS A TOUCHY THING.
28807	PCG: ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU'RE BUILDING THE GENETIC CODE FOR AN ENTIRE UNIVERSE.
28808	PCG: OUR GENESIS FROG NEEDED THE GENES FROM THAT FINAL FROG.
28809	PCG: BUT BECAUSE I WAS IN TOO MUCH OF A HURRY TO DO THE JOB RIGHT
28810	PCG: HE'S MISSING A CRITICAL SEQUENCE IN HIS DNA.
28811	PCG: SO WHEN WE MADE HIM, AND WATCHED HIM GROW IN THE MIDDLE OF SKAIA
28812	PCG: AND AFTER ALL THE FIREWORKS AND FANFARE FROM THE VAST CROAK HAD SUBSIDED
28813	PCG: I KIND OF FELT LIKE HE DIDN'T LOOK SO GOOD.
28814	PCG: LIKE HE WAS SICK.
28815	PCG: I THINK I GAVE HIM CANCER.
28816	PCG: I GAVE YOUR WHOLE UNIVERSE CANCER, JADE.
28817	PCG: SORRY.
28818	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/nextbowl4.gif" border="0" />
28819	PCG: ITS DEFECTIVE GENES PROBABLY MADE IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR YOUR SESSION TO BE SUCCESSFUL
28820	PCG: SORT OF LIKE
28821	PCG: ITS REPRODUCTIVE SYSTEM WAS DAMAGED.
28822	PCG: WHAT SHOULD BE FERTILE GROUND FOR YOUR NEW UNIVERSE TO GROW
28823	PCG: WAS REPLACED BY A MASSIVE BOMB RIGGED TO BLOW UP YOUR WHOLE SESSION.
28824	PCG: PROBABLY JUST ONE OF MANY SYMPTOMS OF A SICK UNIVERSE.
28825	PCG: IT'S NOT LIKE YOU ACTUALLY DID ANYTHING WRONG
28826	PCG: YOU WERE FIGHTING AGAINST THE DISEASE THAT WAS ALWAYS INHERENT IN YOUR REALITY
28827	PCG: THE ONE I GAVE IT.
28828	PCG: BUT I DON'T THINK IT'S LIKE A NORMAL DISEASE.
28829	PCG: NOT LIKE A CELLULAR MUTATION THAT'S OUT OF CONTROL
28830	PCG: THE CANCER TOOK A SPECIFIC FORM, LIKE A COMPLICATED SERIES OF TERRIBLE EVENTS RATHER THAN FAULTY CELL DIVISION
28831	PCG: IT WAS AN EVENTUALITY IN YOUR UNIVERSE THAT WAS INEVITABLE, THAT WE ALL UNWITTINGLY HELPED MAKE HAPPEN
28832	PCG: ALL CONCENTRATED THROUGH THE ACTIONS OF ONE HOSTILE AGENT IN THE SYSTEM, WITH AN INSTINCT TO DESTROY EVERYTHING IT HATED
28833	PCG: AND THEN GIVEN THE POWER TO DO SO.
28834	PCG: AND UNLIKE A NORMAL DISEASE, IT WOULDN'T GRADUALLY KILL ITS HOST FROM WITHIN
28835	PCG: THE CANCER LEFT THE BODY
28836	PCG: CHASED OUT, AS IF BY AN IMMUNE SYSTEM.
28837	PCG: BUT THE PROBLEM IS
28838	PCG: IT WASN'T ANY LESS DEADLY ON THE OUTSIDE
28839	PCG: AND NO LESS DETERMINED TO FINISH THE JOB.
28840	PCG: SO I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE IT COULD BE
28841	PCG: WHAT'S WAITING FOR US AT THE END OF THE COUNTDOWN.
28842	PCG: JACK WAS EXPELLED FROM YOUR SESSION SOMEHOW
28843	PCG: HE THEN METHODICALLY DESTROYED ALL OUR PLANETS, PROSPIT AND DERSE, AND TRIED TO WIPE US ALL OUT
28844	PCG: SO THAT WE COULDN'T DO THE SAME THING TO HIM AGAIN
28845	PCG: BUT HE WAS ALWAYS SAVING HIS TRUE TARGET FOR LAST
28846	PCG: THE ONE HE HATED MOST.
28847	PCG: JACK WAS THE LIVING EMBODIMENT OF THE DISEASE ALL ALONG.
28848	PCG: NOIR IS THE CANCER.
28849	PCG: IT'S HIM.
28850	PCG: ANYWAY
28851	PCG: THAT'S THE END OF HOW EVERYTHING'S MY FAULT COMPLETELY, AND I'M GARBAGE.
28852	PCG: HOPE YOU ENJOYED IT JADE! NOT THAT YOU SEEM TO RECALL THIS MEMO EVEN EXISTS.
28853	PCG: IF YOU SEE KANAYA IN DEATHBUBBLE HELL, PLEASE TELL HER I'M SORRY I LET HER DOWN.
28854	PCG: AND IF YOU SEE SOLLUX WANDERING AROUND TOO, LET HIM KNOW HOW ASHAMED I AM I DITCHED HIM LIKE A COWARD BECAUSE I HEARD A HORN GO HONK.
28855	PCG: AND TEREZI
28856	PCG: IF YOU SEE HER
28857	PCG: COULD YOU GIVE HER A MESSAGE FOR ME?
28858	PCG: TELL HER THAT
28859	PCG: ACTUALLY
28860	PCG: NEVER MIND.
28861	PCG: I'LL PROBABLY BE ABLE TO TELL THEM ALL IN PERSON SOON.
28862	PCG: SEEING AS AN IDIOT IN MAKEUP IS ABOUT TO ROLL OVER MY NAKED SQUEAL PIPETTE WITH A ONE WHEEL DEVICE.
28863	FGA: Sollux Is Okay
28864	FGA: Hes With Me Right Now
28865	PCG: HOLY SHIT
28866	PCG: YOU'RE ALIVE
28867	FGA: Hold On I Really Need To Change These Clothes
28868	TC: it's all your fault.
28869	TG: ?
28870	TC: IT'S ALL YOUR MOTHERFUCKIN FAULT.
28871	TC: honk.
28872	TG: ok
28873	TC: YOU ALL CRACKED OFF THE TOP OF THE BOTTLE TO THOSE FUCKIN CLOWN IMPOSTORS.
28874	TC: that all were spraying out the flagrant motherfuckin heresies at me.
28875	TC: THE FLAGRANT MOTHER FUCKING HERESIES MOTHER FUCKER.
28876	TC: is what came out from their mouths, it made me get my sadness on to see it.
28877	TC: AND MY RAGE ON FUCKING HARDER.
28878	TG: im sorry
28879	TC: all my life i believed at a fuckin paradise to come what held the most baller, darkest of carnivals to join.
28880	TC: AND A PROPHECY
28881	TC: to tell all about a band of rowdy and capricious minstrels steeped in the good harshwhimsy.
28882	TC: THE MIRTHFUL MESSIAHS WERE FORETOLD TO BE CRASHING THAT FUCKING PIE STAND AND BRING THE HOLY RUCKUS.
28883	TC: like a giddy fuckin ninja one wheeling head long at the hugest fuckin horn heap shangri la's got to see.
28884	TC: I'M TALKING ABOUT THE VAST HONK, YOU BLASPHEMOUS MOTHERFUCKER.
28885	TC: what i believed in it to be was so beautiful, us and them all mellowing in tents, bumpin sounds, tossing back the faygo and soaking the miracles up our faith sponges, while the special stardust rained down at our elixir sticky faces, like a bunch a fuckin fairy powder from religion space.
28886	TC: IT WAS GOING TO BE US AND MOTHER FUCKING THEM.
28887	TC: them and mother fuckin us. :o(
28888	TG: this is like
28889	TG: some trolling schtick right
28890	TG: this icp shit
28891	TC: BUT NOW.
28892	TC: because of you.
28893	TC: BECAUSE OF ALL YOU AND YOUR FUCKING OUTRAGEOUSNESS.
28894	TC: you stole up all my miracles away by revealing at me how the wicked shit was really kicked.
28895	TC: LIKE SOME FILTHY FUCKING SCIENSTIFF WHO AT OLD TIMES WOULD BE RULED UNFUNNY WITHOUT EVEN GETTING HIS FUCKING TRIAL ON.
28896	TC: and now i don't know what to think about the spiritual fantasies i had.
28897	TC: HONK )o:
28898	TG: hahaha
28899	TG: best troll ever
28900	TG: i dont even care if you're really into this stuff or not its awesome
28901	TC: uhhhhh, what stuff?
28902	TG: like
28903	TG: horrorcore
28904	TG: lame clown rap and stuff
28905	TC: >:o?
28906	TG: dude are you an actual juggalo or not
28907	TC: bro, that word you used isn't nothing real i've heard of.
28908	TC: IT STRIKES AT ME AS ANOTHER HERETICAL FUCKING BASTARDIZATION OF SOME SACRED SHIT I TAKE SERIOUSLY IN MY PUMP BISCUIT.
28909	TC: i mean i guess, took seriously.
28910	TG: hahahahaha
28911	TG: do you really not know what im talking about
28912	TC: I HAVE THE IDEA THAT YOU PUT IN MY PAN TO SIT THERE.
28913	TC: that the paradise planet
28914	TC: IS A FUCKING JOKE.
28915	TC: and the miracles
28916	TC: ARE FAKE.
28917	TC: pure fiction.
28918	TC: FALSE FAKEY FRAUDY CON JOBS FROM A BUNCH OF UNFUNNY NINJA HARLEQUIN BULLSHIT ARTISTS.
28919	TG: ahaha
28920	TG: i cant even tell if youre trying to troll me with this or if you actually are having some weird emotional problem
28921	TC: can't it be motherfuckin
28922	TC: BOTH THINGS.
28923	TG: ok im telling you
28924	TG: you need to watch this video
28925	TG: the song isnt even supposed to be released for another year or something
28926	TG: but i got it from an inside source
28927	TG: this is as hot as it gets
28928	TG: hang on lemme dig it up
28929	TC: no.
28930	TC: MOTHER FUCK NO, BRO.
28931	TC: i'm not looking on any more of your blasphmemes.
28932	TC: I REALLY JUST CAME BACK ON YOU TO MOTHER FUCKING SAY.
28933	TC: that while that sickening noise you did at me is your fault
28934	TC: THERE'S SOMETHING I DID AT YOU WHAT'S MINE.
28935	TC: i did something that's motherfucking atrocious to your posse.
28936	TC: MADE YOUR WHOLE CREW OF JOKERS GET TO BEING KINDA MENTALLY MOTHER FUCKIN
28937	TC: unstable.
28938	TC: IN FUCKING FACT
28939	TC: that atrocious business i got to doing
28940	TC: I DID THAT SHIT TO YOUR WHOLE UNIVERSE AS A MATTER OF MOTHER FUCKING FACT.
28941	TC: you see
28942	TC: YOU MOTHER FUCKIN SEE
28943	TC: i finally got all caught up in what's true behind the sweet murdermirth of the bitchin bloodcircus.
28944	TC: I REACHED DEEP DOWN AND GOT AT WHERE ALL THE REAL HARSHWHIMSIES WERE HIDING INSIDE ME.
28945	TC: in the angriest ways i found up my dark ancestral chucklevoodoos within.
28946	TC: AND THEN
28947	TC: i focused on them through the rage you made me have
28948	TC: AND I WENT AND MADE YOUR UNIVERSE...
28949	TC: terminal. Bo)
28950	TG: none of that really meant anything but ok
28951	TG: also you have me confused for somebody else we never talked
28952	TG: i guarantee i would have remembered you
28953	TC: ALL THAT MOTHER FUCKIN MATTERS IS I REMEMBER YOU AND WHAT YOU DID.
28954	TC: i'm just all letting you in on the ways i set the high justice in motion.
28955	TC: MADE US MOTHERFUCKING SQUARE, YOU AND ME.
28956	TC: me and you.
28957	TG: thats cool juggalo guy who i still cant quite tell is ironic about this or not
28958	TG: but like i said either way its all good
28959	TC: HAHAHAHAHA, YOU DON'T MOTHER FUCKING BELIEVE.
28960	TC: you need to get more spirituality into your superstition ghost.
28961	TC: LIKE THE MOTHERFUCKING FAITHCHUMP THAT WHAT I WAS.
28962	TC: as if i'd forget to do my chucklevoodoos to you too.
28963	TC: TO FUCK UP YOUR DREAMS.
28964	TC: make your worst fears come alive and get up on their haunts in your naphappy pan.
28965	TG: what
28966	TG: what fears
28967	TC: YOU MOTHER FUCKING KNOW, BROTHER.
28968	TC: its the fuckin puppet.
28969	TC: THE ONE THAT'S ALL GOT TO BE MY BEST FUCKING FRIEND I GOT NOW.
28970	TC: now that my other buddy managed to be having his head chopped off. :oC
28971	TG: oh god
28972	TG: did my bro put you up to this
28973	TG: i should have guessed he might have a hand in some of these shitty trolling escapades
28974	TC: YOUR BRO'S DEAD BRO.
28975	TC: couldn't keep my new friend captive no more.
28976	TC: RELEASED YOUR NIGHTMARES RIGHT INTO MY WARM FUCKING EMBRACE.
28977	TC: and now i listen at what they whisper through my hear ducts.
28978	TG: hahaha jesus
28979	TG: you are fucking insane
28980	TC: I'M ALL HEARING THESE AMAZING MOTHERFUCKIN THINGS.
28981	TC: i think he'll help me refigure out what's the real reality about the miracles.
28982	TC: HE'LL HELP ME TO MOTHER FUCKIN DISCOVER THE TRUTH OF WHO THE MESSIAHS ARE.
28983	TC: the real messiahs, not the false mess a lies, hahahahaha.
28984	TC: HONK.
28985	TG: so
28986	TG: my bros idiotic ventriloquist dummy is responsible for this schizophrenic bullshit
28987	TG: is that what youre saying
28988	TC: motherfuuuuuck yes, bro.
28989	TG: what else does he say
28990	TC: HE SAYS
28991	TC: all in this funny little voice
28992	TC: THAT IS SO
28993	TC: very
28994	TC: VERY
28995	TC: very
28996	TC: VERY
28997	TC: quiet
28998	TC: THAT
28999	TC: it's time
29000	TC: TO GO
29001	TC: mother
29002	TC: FUCKING
29003	TC: kill
29004	TC: THEM
29005	TC: all.
29006	TG: welp
29007	TG: that sounds about right
29008	TG: better do what he says dude
29009	TC: YEAH.
29010	TC: hahaha, here was i to come at you with all these unruly upbraids i got pent up.
29011	TC: WHEN YOU KNOW MOTHERFUCKIN WHAT?
29012	TC: i should be gettin grateful to you for sharing at me your way ridic heresies, brother.
29013	TC: THE ROAD TO THE DARK CARNIVAL HAS NEVER BEFORE BEEN PAVED WITH LOUDER HONK HORNS TO TREAD UPON.
29014	TC: and scare the living motherfuck out of the lowblood faithless with each step. ;o)
29015	TG: hahahahahahahaha
29016	TG: you are either literally an insane psychopathic murderer or some kind of trolling savant
29017	TG: time to block you now but lets do this again ok
29018	TC: YOU FUCKIN KNOW IT, BRO.
29019	TC: i like you.
29020	TC: WOULDN'T MIND TAKING THAT PALE MARSHMALLOW YOU GOT AS A NUGBONE OFF YOUR SHOULDERS.
29021	TC: for this collection i got started on.
29022	TC: ADD A LITTLE STRAWBERRY JAM TO THIS PEANUT BUTTER SANDWICH I'M MAKING BETWEEN MY MOTHER FUCKING LIPS.
29023	TG: holy shit
29024	TC: hey, before you go
29025	TC: HOW ABOUT THAT WE
29026	TC: slam a little. ;oD
29027	TG: uh
29028	They both then proceeded to have one of the best rap-offs in the history of paradox space.
29029	What did I say?
29030	I have repeatedly made it clear that the fifth wall is to remain off.
29031	I refuse to acknowledge this foolish man's self indulgent rubbish. His frivolous charades have no place in this building, or anywhere in this reality.
29032	Am I making myself understood, young lady?
29033	Or will I have to suspend your furniture privileges again?
29034	I see. It's another one of your moods. We will have to work on ironing out this behavior before you meet your true master.
29035	He is a far less gracious host than I.
29036	Wait, what are you doing?
29037	No, stop that.
29038	You render yourself in a more symbolic manner this instant.
29039	Thank you.
29040	Oh, is this what we're doing now?
29041	Maybe I have not been strict enough with your breathing privileges either?
29042	This vessel will reach your planet eventually. We can either go home the fast way, or the slow way.
29043	Your express ticket can only be validated with a display of good manners, miss.
29044	And there go the electricity privileges.
29045	I think now would be a good time for another round of reeducation regarding her purpose. A little refresher on the prestigious employment opportunity for which she is being groomed.
29046	And since you are still my guest, it would please me to tell you this inspiring tale as well.
29047	It is a tale to remind her of the sacrifice she must make. One serving to remind all of her people of the sacrifice once made by long forgotten heroes in a discarded reality. It is of this sacrifice the Sufferer died to speak the truth, and it is his tale I will tell you now.
29048	Once, in this very universe, you could say, Alternia was home to a peaceful race. Trollkind had never known the corrupting influence in their evolution which led them to perpetual war and violence.
29049	That is to say, they had never known me.
29050	As was true of the bellicose world we know, there came to be twelve heroes on this peaceful planet. These heroes too had twelve ancestors whose fortunes were entwined with theirs. These twenty-four figures of legend were not of this world but sent from the sky, delivered from a reality not yet conceived.
29051	On the eve of their race's extinction, the twelve heroes would begin playing a game. They would make an admirable effort, but they would fail. Their civilization had not prepared them for the rigors of this game, and the ultimate reward would fall shy of their grasp. But their failure was more comprehensive, more systemic, than a result of simple inadequacy so common to young players of this game. Though they could not recognize it for the bad omen it was, this session was not the one in which they had been spawned. Such is the symptom of a subtle glitch affecting certain sessions, an error designed to trigger an unfathomable cascade of misfortune throughout paradox space. This glitch is the calling card of the one I serve. It is the discreet, gentlemanly manner in which he reserves his place in a universe for later visitation.
29052	The heroes, understanding their defeat was absolute, sought advice from the mother of all monsters. She offered them a choice. The heroes could either accept their defeat along with the extinction of their race, and put no others at risk. Or, she could show them a path to a second chance, to a reality in which the chosen heroes of their race would be strong enough to succeed with ease, and claim the reward. This reset would come at the cost of wiping the failed heroes from existence. They would live new lives from scratch, playing different roles in the reset reality, with no memory of the game they played or the choice they made.
29053	The heroes chose to accept this bargain, and scratched their session. In doing so they jumpstarted the reality in which the twenty-four figures of legend would together be created - and I as well - and then sent back in time to take our places in history. Though I was delivered well before history even began, before the dawning of life on their planet. This time around, I would oversee its development, and thus fulfill the mother's promise of an aggressive, ruthlessly prepared group of heroes. One that would not rest until victory was secured.
29054	The young twenty-four would again be scattered in two groups, twelve modern contemporaries, and twelve ancients. But in addition to losing their memories of everything that had happened before the scratch, there was another catch for the failed heroes. In the new reality, they would not serve as the heroes. They would mature to become the ancestors of the twelve they formerly regarded as theirs, and this twelve would be chosen for glory. These children would be the heroes to achieve victory, and have the reward easily within reach.
29055	Of course this promise was fulfilled to the letter, as you have seen. The entire bargain was executed without a single hitch, as those authorized by my master always are. There was however one minor anomaly. One of the failed heroes, in his new life as an ancient on this now brutal planet, began to remember. This is his story.
29056	This is the story of the Signless.
29057	Few ever knew the Sufferer's given name, presuming quite reasonably he had none, and he came to be called Signless. Unlike his peers distributed elsewhere in history, he was not given a sign at a young age. Alas, there were no signs reserved for one of his mutant blood. His genetic deviation from the social order made him a pariah, forcing him to wander the world alone for many sweeps, concealing the color of his blood to avoid certain execution.
29058	But it may also have been due to his mutation that he began to have the visions. Spontaneous, lucid imagery of his world in peace, before its fall. He would never see the complete picture, or fully understand his previous incarnation's role in prompting this fall, or know of my hand in it. But the visions showed him all he needed to see. They held the promise of his people's true potential, beneath the ages of conditioned cruelty. They held the spark of revolution.
29059	In time, the visions gave purpose to his travels. He would preach heretical ideas no one else had dared to entertain, let alone risk discussing. He espoused the virtues of forgiveness, compassion, and equality among all bloodlines. He distributed his message intelligently, careful to preach only to those receptive, never attracting unwelcome attention. But his growing movement could go unnoticed by the authorities for only so long.
29060	The highbloods were livid over the unprecedented heresy, and soon, a massive sectarian war followed, spreading across the planet and throughout the galaxy. The conflict was lopsided of course, with the Highbloods given full support from the Condesce and her sea dwellers. Inevitably, the Signless would be captured, and when he was, it was not a matter of whether he would be put to the irons, but how hot they would be if he failed to recant.
29061	During his penance, it was said the Sufferer's compassion for his people underwent a divine transformation, into limitless, burning rage. It burned hotter than the irons shackling him to the imperial flogging jut, and redder than the blood soaking his Righteous Leggings. When he was finally killed, his anger rung through the cosmos with his last breath. This Vast Expletive was his final sermon, and somewhere encoded in its wavelengths was the truth in his teachings, waiting to reveal itself to any who would inherit his burden.
29062	His teachings would also persist through surviving disciples, but in hushed tones. His following would dwindle to an obscure cult facing persecution for centuries. After his execution, the body was burned leaving only his irons. They cooled in the ash, as if his anger itself was subsiding, and his followers appropriated their shapes in defiance of the Highbloods. The symbols became the sign of the Signless, always shown as colorless as the cold iron, to conceal the stigma of his hue. This was as much a reminder to his followers to remain hidden as it was of the Sufferer's sacrifice, and his rage hidden like heat in the iron, one day to be reignited by another of his bloodline.
29063	The Sufferer preached that after he passed, another Signless would come, heralding the end times for their planet. The Second Signless would continue his work, and lead his people to glory beyond this realm. The followers kept his teachings alive for ages, even as the uproar surrounding the movement subsided. By modern times, the Sufferer's scripture was little more than ancient superstition all but forgotten. Hardly the anathema of old. But the followers had already made their preparations in the shadows, and when the Second Signless finally came he would have a lusus to raise him and a sign to his name.
29064	The Sufferer required a less conventional upbringing to reach maturity. As a young grub, he landed in the brooding caverns where he would be expected to face his trials. But due to his mutation, surely no lusus would select him. No creature sympathetic to his scent had been bred yet. His odds for survival would have been remote, if not for a chance encounter.
29065	The Dolorosa belonged to the rare class assigned strictly to serving the mother grub in the caverns, forbidden from visiting the surface. While on an errand, she found the young Sufferer in his crater and immediately recognized the child as special, as well as in great danger. For an adult troll to raise a child was unthinkable, but she saw no other hope for him. The Dolorosa abandoned her duties in the caverns, and fled to the surface to raise him.
29066	In time, she would become the first follower of his teachings, and the first of his inner circle. But not his closest.
29067	Surrounding him on his rise to infamy and throughout the rebellion were the most trusted elites among his devoted. The <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/psiwhite.gif" border="0" />iioniic was a mage of unequaled telekinetic ability, who upon hearing the words of the Sufferer was inspired to free himself from the sort of slavery typical of his mentally gifted class.
29068	But his most devoted of all was his Disciple. She listened to every vision he retold, every lesson he preached, and faithfully recorded his scripture. Her ear was open to him always, and in time, his heart opened to her. To spread his message throughout the world they took to the seas in the vessel of legend known as the First Ship. It was said their love went beyond the four quadrants, transcending the grid entirely. Whatever that nonsense actually means.
29069	The Disciple was to be killed along with him. But at the last moment, the E%ecutor inexplicably took pity on her, and allowed her to escape. She absconded with the Leggings, which remained the only physical evidence of his holy suffering. She hid in caves for many sweeps, transcribing all of his scripture from memory on the walls in the blood of slain creatures, and lived the rest of her days in monastic savagery. Her dedication would be critical to the persistence of his message.
29070	But the Dolorosa was less fortunate, and was sold into slavery. She spent the rest of her life as property of vicious sea dwellers. As for the <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/psiwhite.gif" border="0" />iioniic, he was enlisted in a far worse, if more prestigious service.
29071	He was forced to serve as the Helmsman for Her Condescension's imperial battleship. Psychics of his kind were exploited for interstellar travel, and his abilities made her ship the fastest in the fleet by far. She grew so enamored of her Helmsman and his power, she would use her touch to extend his lifespan to match her own.
29072	Together they explored the stars for thousands of years. Due to the speed of her ship, she would personally expand the boundaries of her empire, typically being the first to greet new races before conquering them.
29073	After making first contact, occasions which she generally kept cordial, she would move on to new territory while a division of her fleet set a course for the unfortunate civilization, and proceeded to tear it apart. It could be any of the lethal brigades under her command to receive the orders, be it the Threshecutioners, Cavalreapers, Laughsassins, or Ruffiannihilators. Each was notoriously cruel in its own way, and each carried out orders with absolute loyalty. Because while the Condesce could extend a single life on her whim, she could just as casually cut short that of millions.
29074	If angered, she could simply express her grievance through communion with her ancient lusus of the deep, and turn its psychic devastation on her multitudes. The class hierarchy played into her hands politically in this respect. Killing off a haphazard swathe of the population, or an entire class, was suitable as a measure of last resort, but mass extermination does not lend itself well to practical governance. Its looming threat however is quite effective, especially while her empire was partitioned neatly into blood castes. She could use her leverage to delegate oppression to the subjugglators, whose unique abilities and exceptional brutality made them natural enforcers. They too would delegate in their governance, exploiting the pride and loyalty of dangerous bluebloods beneath them, and so on down the hemospectrum, until the enslavement of the common castes was inescapable, in spite of their genetic gifts and strength in numbers. As a self-governing body, the land dwelling portion of her empire was formidable. But her force of sea dwellers was equally formidable, and the two were kept in check not only with the threat of psychic annihilation, but their mutual hatred and distrust.
29075	The only threat to her power was unification through uprising, a possibility made remote once she fully decentralized the race from the homeworld. She scattered all but the children throughout the galaxy after the most recent rebellion led by the Summoner. Upon doing so, she became so comfortable with her grip on power, she risked venturing deeper into space than ever before to grow her empire.
29076	But the more space she put between herself and Gl'bgolyb, the more she risked weakening her bond with the monster. The bond she and her successor shared with it exclusively could sway, and become strengthened with the younger. Perhaps she grew complacent with the threat successors posed, after such a long history of killing them with ease. Heiresses upon reaching maturity were expected to challenge the Condesce for the throne. It was not merely expected of them by their people, but demanded by their shared lusus.
29077	I like to think of her as the pet I gave to their race, at the dawning of their species' evolution. Like a sentience-warming gift. Again, it's just the sort of thing a good host does.
29078	If the lapse in her custodial bond was significant enough, it was not just political power she risked. At such a distance, she sacrificed concentration needed to curb its most dreadful psychic shriek of all, the galaxy-wide extinction event called the Vast Glub.
29079	Of course this eventuality proved a fitting reward for such reckless expansion of her territory. She chose the worst time possible to explore further from the homeworld than she'd ever been. She was scouring the edge of the galaxy for systems to plunder when she received word of her planet's devastation by meteors. The young were being slaughtered. The mother grub was dead. The end times were upon her people.
29080	She ordered all fleets to return to Alternia. But such was her empire's expansion and interplanetary occupation, few could make it in time to provide any meaningful defense. She instructed her Helmsman to pilot the ship faster than he ever had, and he did so through extreme physical duress. He was able to leap across thousands of light years in a matter of hours. The exertion likely would have killed him, if the Glub didn't get to him first. Her touch could extend life, but never restore it, to her lament.
29081	In that instant, her empire was gone. Gl'bgolyb's swan song wiped out her entire race, save the Condesce and her lone heiress, leaving the empire nothing more than a galactic necropolis of floating tombs.
29082	She was forced to continue the journey home on auxiliary power. Her ship now travels near the speed of light, a pale shadow of its former velocity. It would take her another 612 solar sweeps after the Glub to reach her destination.
29083	She should arrive any minute now. When she does, she will find nothing but ruins and dust. If she cared to look closer, she would find a city of slain exiles, a man on the moon, and a pair of black lovers locked in a deadly dance. But whether she looks or not, one thing will find her with certainty.
29084	A new employment opportunity.
29085	Are you paying attention, protege? This is where your role in the story begins.
29086	Now stop your pouting and listen, unless you want another helping to the backside of my...
29087	Oh nuts. I seem to have forgotten my discipline broom.
29088	Anyway, the last of the twelve ancestors arrived a bit late. In fact, she would cross through her portal six centuries after the descendants had come and gone. There weren't many left to look after her, so she ended up in foster care.
29089	I remember it like it was yesterday. And for one who has as much time on his hands as I, it essentially was.
29090	I would raise the girl to be groomed for her calling. My lessons would emphasize obedience, mastery of the clockwork majyyks, and being locked in a room.
29091	As you must have gathered by now, my employer will enter this universe quite soon. I will then relinquish my custody to him, and she will serve as his Handmaid for an eternity to be specified. As you must have also gathered, she has already done so. Though her most common of blood should have let her expire in just a dozen or two sweeps, his curse kept her very much alive.
29092	And she did not intend to stay that way.
29093	His curse is one of conditional mortality, with the desired outcome contingent on her service. When I release her, she will take her place at his side, and travel through time to carry out his orders.
29094	While I am his weapon of subtlety and precision, the Handmaid is strictly an apparatus of terror and suffering. We have both paved the road to his arrival, I in my way and she in hers. She would be present during every watershed moment in her civilization's development. Her recurrance in history would earn her the reputation of a demoness, more feared than even her master, a man though dreadful rarely makes himself seen. She stirred up class warfare and intensified bigotry in whatever era she haunted. She made sure the descendents would enter a world which prepared them well for the game, and took measures to see that they would play as they did.
29095	But once they entered and their world was in ashes, her work was nearly complete. Now, six centuries later, she would be given one last order to follow before her curse was lifted.
29096	A simple recruitment job.
29097	The Handmaid will enlist the Condesce, extending the same bargain once offered to her. It will be the sort involving neither negotiation nor possibility of refusal, expressed in terms plainly understood by the psychotic genocidal. The Condesce will serve as her new master's witch, carrying out his work in the places he cannot reach.
29098	The two last trolls alive, blood of rust and royalty, will make each other pay for the crimes against their race. Their payment will be mutually dealt in the currency of punishment and reward at once. The Condesce will be rewarded with the power and immortality her new service entails, and punished by the grueling slavery for which it is synonymous. And you, young lady, are to be punished by death at the hands of your replacement. And so too will this be your reward.
29099	And so, my dear, that is the inspiring tale of your people, and why you should feel rather privileged to be in the position for which I have groomed you meticulously. Are you not grateful? Yes, surely you are, and it warms the soft fluffy material in my chest to know this. What is it? What are you looking at over there?
29100	Ah, of course. The clock. I can see you have a good eye for a fine timepiece. Your exemplary taste is certainly owed to a quality upbringing. Perhaps you wish to know the history of the clock, and how I came to possess it? Yes, I can see the sparkle of curiosity in your eye. It's a marvelous tale, one almost as long as it is verbosely told. Where do I even begin...
29101	STORY TIME'S OVER WIND BAG WHOOPS OH SHIT GET THIS FUCKIN' CLOCK OUTTA MY WAY. I AM A ONE MAN STAMPEDE AND I'VE GOT A BROOM AND THAT PEAL OF SPLINTERING WOOD YOU HEAR IS THE LAST GASP OF A PRICELESS ANTIQUE DISINTEGRATING BENEATH THE OUTRAGEOUS FURY OF MY AUTHORIAL HOOVES.
29102	If I have to put up with one more smug meandering interlude in my own story I am going to crack your head open and serve you a heaping bowl full of your downy soft puppet ass. How do you like that for hospitality, Doc?
29103	I BELIEVE YOU WILL FIND THAT AS HOSTS GO, I AM SIMPLY THE BEST THERE IS.
29104	See? Even that little girl has had enough of your shit. Run, Aradia's ancestor! Run!!!! You have locked up your last asian schoolgirl, you sick fuck.
29105	Oh don't you flop around at me like that. Are you listening little man?!
29106	Booyeah?
29107	Hmm.
29108	I guess...
29109	I guess he is just a limp lifeless puppet when I am around. Like a reverse Calvin and Hobbes kind of thing. That is...
29110	That is a little disturbing.
29111	Oh well, might as well try to get that disc back.
29112	I wonder if I can just...
29113	Just sort of reach up into...
29114	And...
29115
29116	What the hell? Looks like he's had the disc repaired for a while already, but didn't tell us. Motherfucker just loves the sound of his own voice.
29117	--------------- <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/olliesouty.gif" border="0" /> *ollies outy*
29118	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/SNAPINGWRONG.jpg" border="0" />
29119	And the Knight of Blood so embraced the Bard of Rage, and in each other's arms they were aquiver. And with righteous pap and blessed shoosh he did quell his brother's fury. For the Knight looked upon his Bard all acting up and completely losing his shit and he did resolve to calmeth his juggalo ass right the fuck down. And so calmed down his juggalo ass was and would continueth to be for all time. And the Knight in totally settling a murderous clown's ludicrous shit down proper said, Let there be Moirallegiance: and it was so. And between moirails would flow bounteous mirth, and they did hug bumpeth plentifully, and honks of reconciliation echoed far and true into the darkness upon the face of the deep.
29120	And it was good.
29121	CG: THE PASSWORD IS
29122	CG: SEE YOU SOON
29123	CG: OK UH
29124	CG: I'M GOING TO TAKE YOUR LACK OF RESPONSE AS TACIT VERIFICATION.
29125	CG: ALSO
29126	CG: THIS PRETTY MUCH HAS TO BE THE LAST CONVERSATION WE HAVE, RIGHT?
29127	CG: YOUR TIMELINE CUTS OUT COMPLETELY IN A MINUTE OR TWO BECAUSE OF THE SCRATCH.
29128	CG: WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT UP THERE?
29129	CG: ARE YOU HYPNOTIZED BY THE FLASHY SHIT, WHAT THE FUCK.
29130	CG: THAT'S BEEN GOING ON EVER SINCE JOHN STARTED SCRATCHING THAT BIG GODDAMN RECORD, AREN'T YOU ACCLIMATED TO IT BY NOW?
29131	CG: HELLO????????????
29132	CG: HARLEY, JEGUS MOTHER OF SCREAMING FUCK.
29133	CG: WHATEVER, I HAVE SHIT TO DO NOW.
29134	CG: I GUESS I SHOULD BE KEEPING AN EYE IN THE SKY TOO NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT.
29135	CG: THE BRIGHT GREEN BEACON SHOULD BE APPEARING ANY MINUTE, ASSUMING YOU ACTUALLY MANAGE TO BLOW UP THE SUN.
29136	CG: AND THEN
29137	CG: WELL, THEN I GUESS MAYBE WE ALL GET TO HANG OUT?
29138	CG: WHILE MAYBE ALSO NOT BEING IN UNYIELDING MORTAL PERIL???
29139	CG: IT'S GETTING KIND OF OLD, FRANKLY.
29140	CG: OK, WELL THIS IS A PRETTY CRAPPY FAREWELL, BUT I GUESS IT'LL HAVE TO DO SINCE THERE IS SOME SERIOUSLY SHOW-STOPPING SHIT TRANSPIRING UP THERE IN FUCKING OUTER SPACE.
29141	CG: LATER JADE, I'M GOING TO GO MAKE SURE JOHN KNOWS WHAT THE HELL HE'S SUPPOSED TO BE DOING.
29142	CG: AND IN CASE NONE OF THIS WORKS AND WE DON'T ACTUALLY GET TO MEET
29143	CG: I GUESS I SHOULD SAY...
29144	CG: SINCE APPARENTLY MY GUTLESS FUTURE SELF CAN'T EXPRESS HIMSELF AND NEVER GOT AROUND TO SAYING SO
29145	CG: THUS LEAVING IT UP TO ME AS USUAL
29146	CG: TO SAY
29147	CG: THAT
29148	GG: oh sorry!
29149	GG: i was distracted
29150	CG: OH
29151	GG: no not by all the scratchy stuff in the sky
29152	GG: theres something coming down...
29153	CG: WHAT
29154	GG: its hard to make out
29155	GG: but
29156	GG: i think
29157	GG: it might be...
29158	CG: WHAT.
29159	GG: shaving cream?
29160	CG: WHAT THE HELL IS SHAVING CREAM.
29161	GG: its like
29162	GG: hey!
29163	GG: ...
29164	GG: karkat?
29165	A young lady stands in her bedroom. It just so happens that today, the 11th of November, 2011, is the date scheduled for the launch of a highly exclusive playtesting experience for a much anticipated game. The young lady is expecting to find this game in her mailbox today. She is expecting the game to be enclosed in a pair of envelopes, and printed on these envelopes, she is expecting to find her name!
29166	What do you suppose the name on the envelopes will be?
29167	You cannot enter her name!!! It was already engraved in her HONORARY PLACRONYM on her 13th birthday, which was about two and a half years ago, and has been sitting here neatly on the bookshelf ever since. Attempting to engrave it with another name after completing this sacred rite of passage is practically unheard of, and is a gesture nearly as offensive as it would be if you tried to name her something dumb like Barnstench Fartface. Luckily she is not the sort to hold a grudge, and she will let it slide this time. As long as you hurry up and get her big day started!
29168	Your name is JANE. As was previously mentioned, you are poised for an ELITE OPPORTUNITY to test the SBURB ALPHA. It is so elite in fact, you are the only of your kind invited to playtest! Though you guess that probably comes with the territory of being the HEIRESS APPARENT TO A BAKED GOODS EMPIRE. You don't suppose it hurts that you are said empire's NUMBER ONE FANGIRL, either! It should come as no surprise that you enjoy BAKING, but you also adore reading DETECTIVE STORIES. You fancy yourself a SKILLED PRANKSTRESS, if by no other measure than lineage. Though at times you feel it's tough to fill those shoes when you are SURROUNDED BY JOKERS. Seriously, the shenanigans perpetrated by your pals make your old school japes feel KIND OF PEDESTRIAN SOMETIMES, but oh well, you love them all anyway. You once dabbled in AMATEUR BOTANY but found it TOO FRUSTRATING, because your VEGETABLES KEPT DISAP-actually you know what, you DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT. You love SITUATION COMEDIES, whilst holding particular affection for MUSTACHIOED FUNNYMEN. You know, your FOXWORTHIES, your FUNKES, your SWANSONS, but not necessarily your GALLAGHERS PER SE, because you have to draw the fucking line somewhere. You are also pleased to contemplate FRIGHTENING FAUNA, though saddened by their regrettable FAKENESS ATTRIBUTE.
29169	But none of that's on your mind now, because you are PSYCHED about this SPECIAL DATE, 11.11.11, i.e. 2X3PRONG DAY (WHATEVER THAT MEANS), a date exhibiting just the sort of numerical gimmick corporations love to exploit for their big releases, or for launching MAJOR REBRANDING INITIATIVES. In the case of your CHERISHED MULTIGLOBAL EMPIRE, both such events are slated to happen today. You can't wait to see what is in store, and for the mail to come. When it does, you will waste no time in embarking on the game's MAIDEN VOYAGE, and if even a fraction of what you've heard turns out to be true, you are prepared to have the time of your LIFE!!!
29170	What will you do?
29171	Jane is not empowered to rehash this tired running gag because all of a sudden she is too busy being the other guy.
29172	We need to figure out what this fella's name is, pronto!
29173	Once again, you make the incalculable blunder of attempting to engrave an already allocated placronym. His name was etched when he turned 13 too, almost 3 years ago. It's been sitting here messily in this UNBELIEVABLY DEADLY PILE OF GUNS ever since. What sort of vulgar, childish moniker were you going to stick this poor bastard with? Barfbreath Turdsmirk? It doesn't even matter. Just tell him what to do!
29174	Your name is JAKE. You love movies. ALL MOVIES. You would describe your taste in film as ECLECTIC, but in truth, it isn't much less than TOTALLY INDISCRIMINATE. You bluster frequently of exuberance for FIREARMS and FISTICUFFS and ADVENTURE, though have no human company with which to share these interests. But who needs chums, when you can enjoy a top notch gander of your GALS OF CERULEAN COMPLEXION, HUBBA HUBBA. You're known to be found with your nose in a COMIC BOOK OR TWO, not that it makes you a nerd or anything, like you even CARE about that! Not a gent of your PANACHE AND SWAGGER, qualities which you would BANDY WITH APLOMB on your globe-spanning adventures, HYPOTHETICALLY SPEAKING. You would love to travel around the world, toppling any SACRED URNS you encountered. You'd be tickled by the opportunity to defile HALLOWED TOMBS everywhere, raiding them of their treasures. And how you'd give your RIGHT LEG for a shot at desecrating THE SHIT out of some real life MYSTIC RUINS for their byzantine wares. Luckily for your limb, there is a dandy set of such ruins nearby, and you desecrate them quite frequently! You are also troubled to contemplate FRIGHTENING FAUNA, and plagued daily by their regrettable REALNESS ATTRIBUTE.
29175	What else? You sure like to WRESTLE. Did you mention FISTICUFFS yet? You know, SCRUMS AND WHATNOT. Also, SKULLS. Gosh you love SKULLS. There is a good SKULL at the heart of any mystery, haunting its EVERY PAGE. That is what you always say. Or at least, it is what you always HOPE.
29176	What will you do?
29177	You make a dutiful motion toward your TRUSTY FIREARMS, doing your part to assail the mushy carcass of a horse that passed away long ago, when suddenly a WILD CHARACTER-SELECT SCREEN APPROACHES!!!!!!!!!!
29178	You really feel like you are in the driver's seat now. You can basically take this story LITERALLY ANYWHERE, as long as you don't pick one of those shadowy characters, and as long as the panels are actually finished being drawn. It is like this whole panoramic cornucopia of limitless possibility sprawling before your very eyes.
29179	Who do you want to be?
29180	You are suddenly Jane again. What was it you were up to? Oh right, this game. You're excited about that!
29181	Earlier this morning you thought you heard the mail truck, even though the mail never comes in the morning. But just to be sure, you rushed downstairs to check, even though due to recent events, you are FORBIDDEN FROM LEAVING THE HOUSE. Alas, it was not there, and you sort of spaced out at the sky with a goofy grin on your face for no great reason, and then you were caught red handed by your guardian. Then you got in trouble.
29182	You think you might be grounded now? Whatever, DAD!
29183	It's your RECIPE MODUS, an extremely handy little inventory widget your DAD got for you for your birthday a couple years ago. He can be a real hard-ass sometimes (not really), but he sure knows how to spoil his little girl.
29184	You stick the RECIPE MODUS in your... uh... RECIPE MODUS!
29185	You flip the card over and look at the back. The thing about this modus you think is really cool is that instead of showing a completely useless wobbly garbled code on the back, it itemizes the components which could be used to create it! In a completely hypothetical framework, of course.
29186	Just another wonderful innovation by your favorite company. It releases many products of an experimental nature, often with applicability to other kinds of technology and products which haven't hit the market yet. Of course, as the heiress, you are privy to all the sweetest gear in advance. Maybe you'll rummage through some of that stuff later.
29187	The modus as a captchalogued object has only one simple recipe, involving an ARRAY MODUS (snore!) and a COOK BOOK (yesss!) Other objects have more varied and elaborate recipes though.
29188	You captchalogue your FAVORITE HAT, which is also your ONLY HAT. You spent basically your ENTIRE CHILDHOOD in this hat, pretending to be hard boiled detectives and whatnot. In public, you and your DAD made quite the pair. Everyone could tell by a glance that you were your father's daughter, sired from his loins directly and genetically, through what was undoubtedly a natural process of human procreation involving a man and a woman. People would definitely nod and say, "Yep, that little lady sure did emerge from a womb on account of that gentleman's awesome virility."
29189	As you can see, there are loads of ways to cook up a hat like this, involving many stupid combinations of random objects.
29190	It's one of your funnymen pinups, a glorious FOXWORTHY. It's one interest that overlaps with your DAD'S. He thinks his corny redneck shtick is just the funniest thing since sliced bread, that was sliced by a hilarious clown with a laugh knife. Honestly, you don't care much for his comedy though. Dealing the low income bucolic classes affectionate sass ad nauseum isn't what you'd call your cup of tea. You just think he's really handsome. Every time he starts rattling off pointers on how to self-diagnose bumpkinhood, you just get lost in that pair of blue twinklers and those soft auburn lipbristles. You were so shy when you got the poster autographed. If only you felt WORTHY of that FOX, heh heh.
29191	Oh and there's one of your PROBLEM SLEUTH posters. You've got a lot of Problem Sleuth stuff, because you think detective stories are just so swell. This was the last panel in the first story, which ended a little before your 13th birthday. Since then, the author has been steadily updating PROBLEM SLEUTH 2, which you have been following avidly. You are happy that he stayed in that lane, and stuck with a time-tested formula. If he went in a different direction, you probably would have found it really disappointing.
29192	Another Sleuth poster of course, with two of your favorite dames ever.
29193	The TOBIAS and the MANHATTAN were gifts for your 14th birthday, sent to you by your good buddy Jake. Just a couple of PERIWINKLE HEARTHROBS unquestionably sent in playful retaliation for the ribbing you've given him over the years for his inexplicable infatuation with his phthalo femmes. So he made a couple of coy recommendations for objects of your attraction, and you have hung his COBALT BEEFCAKES here since. He was pretty spot on with the blue Funke, to be honest, since that's like the best show ever. Mr. Cross can blue himself any time, as far as you are concerned. But the Manhattan... not so much. Comics aren't really your thing. But you hung it up anyway because that's the sort of thing you do in a mildly escalating feud of passive-aggressive one-upsmanship. You own it. But you felt kind of weird about having his BLUE MUTANT PENIS dangle over your head while you sleep, so you covered it up with something even more obscene, some sort of revolting TROLL HOWIE MANDEL, also gifted to you by Jake. Good lord does that kid have some spotty tastes.
29194	There is also your magnificent SWANSON. Ron Swanson is the PERFECT MAN. You have tried to order all of the bacon and eggs in a restaurant on several occasions. But your dad never lets the order go beyond the joke level. What a fuddyduddy.
29195	You tuck your trusty JUNIOR BATTERMASTER'S BOWLBUSTER STIRRING SOLUTION 50000 into your strife deck, allocated with the ever martially-pragmatic SPOONKIND. You wouldn't have it any other way!
29196	You love your fancy spoon. It has several million recipes stored in it, and walks you through each step with a soothing female robot voice, just like in science fiction. Some urban legends say that the device also broadcasts subliminal messages distributing OMINOUS CROCKERCORP PROPAGANDA, but you don't put any stock in that sort of baloney for a second.
29197	There is one switch on it that doesn't seem to do anything. Maybe yours is defective? Still, it's perfectly serviceable, and has assisted you in whipping many a cake into delicious submission.
29198	These customized bunnies were gifts to you on your 13th birthday, from two of your friends. Both were heirlooms passed down to them, and they decided to coordinate gift ideas and send you dressed up versions of their beloved childhood toys. You like to think he was shooting for a detective bunny with the one on the left, but you know realistically it was probably an Indiana Jones bunny more in line with his interests than yours, especially since it came with a little whip you have since misplaced. The bunny used to belong to his GRANDMA. The other one used to belong to your friend's MOM, and she dressed it as a wizard, which was also unapologetically more representative of her interests than yours. That's ok though, you loved the gesture anyway, and you and she are totally BFFSIES 4EVERZ, her words. And you agree with them!
29199	You did get one more bunny from your other pal. He had to make it himself from scratch, since for some ridiculous reason he didn't happen to have a ratty old bunny heirloom lying around. His gift was... somewhat less innocuous. You have no idea where it is though. Probably just as well.
29200	You've been fidgeting around your room all day, making little observations about your various belongings, checking the clock. When will the dang mail get here?? You take another peek out the window, just in case.
29201	It's still not there. But there is your dad. What is he up to?
29202	He just captchalogued the CAR. Oh, that's right. He was going to wash it today. He's probably taking it into the back yard next to the garden hose. He keeps a very busy fatherly itinerary. So many dad things to do, every single day.
29203	If the mail arrives soon, this would be a great opportunity to sneak out and get it! Fingers crossed.
29204	Looks like somebody is bothering you. He better make it quick! You've got a window to stay glued to.
29205	You know you really should switch to PESTERCHUM. It's what your friends use, and it's a lot better than BETTYBOTHER, if you're being honest with yourself. BB is just so spammy and annoying with all of the popups everywhere.
29206	Ugh, look at this dreadful clutter. You have got to switch. But then, brand loyalty is a powerful thing.
29207	Looks like Jake is messaging you.
29208	GT: Jane!
29209	GT: Forgive my botherations. I know this is meant to be a spanking ripsnorter of a day for you and all.
29210	GT: But do you happen to know where the devilfucking dickens mr strider might be?
29211	GG: Oh, that's fine!
29212	GG: I had been meaning to message you sooner actually, but I suppose in all the hubbub today, it plumb slipped my mind.
29213	GG: Which is a shocking fact on its lonesome, considering what I have to tell you!
29214	GT: Egad...
29215	GT: *Loosens collar a bit.*
29216	GG: As for this Strider business, hrmmm. He's an elusive guy Jake. You know that.
29217	GG: I talked to him yesterday. That's as much help as I can be!
29218	GT: Shoot.
29219	GT: I really need to ask him something but hes got his blasted auto responder turned on.
29220	GG: Hoo hoo.
29221	GG: I love that thing. :B
29222	GT: He wouldnt be pleased to hear you say that.
29223	GG: What do you need with him?
29224	GG: Does this have to do with your crazy pen pal project?
29225	GT: It most certainly does and time is of the essence!
29226	GT: Today is the day i have to finish it and send it. Not a day later!
29227	GT: So you see why i am feeling really friggin discombobulated at the moment.
29228	GG: Sorry, J. :(
29229	GG: This would be the birthday present... for your grandmother?
29230	GT: No!
29231	GT: It is for your grandfather simply to be *relayed* to him by my grandmother. A joint gift to him from she and i.
29232	GG: Her and me.
29233	GT: What? Who and you now?
29234	GG: "A joint gift from her and me." Grammar, Jake!
29235	GT: Oh for frigs flipping sake jane this is no time for your prudish pedantry! Leave your bookish malarkey in a dusty old library somewhere. I have an adventure to get on with!
29236	GG: So if I have this straight, the big thing hogging up your plate today is not this marvelous new game which I have invited you to play with me, but finishing a robotic rabbit to give to my dead poppop?
29237	GT: Bingo. *double pistols and a wink*
29238	GG: You are a very strange and silly boy.
29239	GT: Please jane we have addressed this.
29240	GT: I am sending the gift back in time to when they are both alive and about our age.
29241	GT: Or...
29242	GT: Something like that. Something funny is going on here that i have not fully grappled yet but dag nab it if im not gonna see it through.
29243	GG: Well,
29244	GG: Godspeed, then! I do hope you can pull it off.
29245	GT: Are you being fresh with me now?
29246	GG: No!!
29247	GT: Look jane i know youve never believed me and you think everything i say is some big cockamamie goofoff but i think today of all days is when you should start taking some things more seriously.
29248	GT: Especially since i have always had your back. I have always believed in you!
29249	GG: Hey! I have believed in you too.
29250	GG: However, believing somebody isn't the same thing as believing IN somebody.
29251	GG: But that much said...
29252	GG: I think that maybe I am getting ready to believe some of the wild stories I've heard?
29253	GG: Or, if not believe outright, reserve judgment on, at least.
29254	GT: Is that so!
29255	GG: I don't know!
29256	GG: I'm still not sure what to think. But what I wanted to tell you this morning was...
29257	GG: I had a really wild dream last night.
29258	GG: And you were in it.
29259	GT: Oh my. *glasses fog up. fumbles for kerchief.*
29260	GG: Sh! Not like that.
29261	GG: It was so real! I think we were in the game, even though we haven't started playing yet.
29262	GG: I don't know what to make of it. Whether it was a vision of the future, or somewhere that exists now, or if it was just a really lucid dream due to excitement.
29263	GT: What was i doing there?
29264	GG: Um...
29265	GG: Not a heck of a lot!
29266	GG: I really want to tell you all about it, but it will take some time to explain, and we both have things to attend to.
29267	GG: You with your time traveling rabbitwork, and I, my vigilant window gazing!
29268	GT: Too true.
29269	GT: Let us reconvene later and sort out all this shit at a leisurely pace.
29270	GG: Yes, ok, good luck Jake!
29271	GT: Okay you too jane! Bye!
29272	Hold the phone. 11:10... you almost forgot! One minute until the empire's REBRANDING launch. You wonder if it will live up to the hype? Guess you'll find out.
29273	You ride out another 60 seconds and... huh? Something happened to your BAKING CHEST. Did the logo just change?
29274	You wonder what else may have been affected.
29275	Yep. This one changed too. Crockercorp is nothing if not thorough with its branding tactics. You guess it's pretty cool? It's just a fork instead of a spoon. Not the most awe inspiring logo you've ever seen, but who are you to judge? Aside from the future owner of the company.
29276	(You make a mental note that when you turn 18 and inherit the company you will change it back to a spoon, you love the spoon.)
29277	Sure enough, the JUNIOR BATTERMASTER'S BOWLBUSTER STIRRING SOLUTION 50000 has been affected too, along with your specibus.
29278	You try the broken switch again. Hey look, it does something now, toggling your trusty bowlbuster between a STIRRING SOLUTION and a POKING SOLUTION. Neat!
29279	Nope, still nothing. You surely would have heard the truck pull up. You guess the empire wasn't able to coordinate the mail with its rebranding. Maybe the U.S. Postal Service is the one thing it doesn't have its gnarled claws in yet? (Another mental note: sink gnarled claws into post office when you take over.)
29280	You decide to pass the time by rummaging through your BAKING CHEST and... hang on.
29281	Maybe later.
29282	UU: good morning, lovely. ^u^
29283	GG: Why, hellooooooo.
29284	UU: so i gUess today is finally the day yoU make everything better.
29285	GG: :B!
29286	UU: it is the day whereafter the legendary octet of mUtUal progenitoriety will come together and heal a great breach in paradox space.
29287	UU: a day delivered throUgh eighty billion years and foUr distinct Universal instances worth of Unfathomable tUrbUlence.
29288	UU: and while the emerald eye of this storm is fixed in the abyss forever
29289	UU: today yoU are poised to escape its scowl once and for all.
29290	UU: by skaias gUiding light, yoU may leave behind its tUrning arms of bright coloUrs and mayhem, and secUre peace for yoUr cosmic progeny for all dUration.
29291	UU: and if yoU are to meet this departUre with trepidation i woUld Understand! bUt also i woUld ask
29292	UU: is there nothing i can do to ease yoUr mind?
29293	GG: Gosh! So formal today.
29294	UU: yes. u_u;
29295	UU: i'm afraid i am gUilty of rehearsing this pep talk well in advance.
29296	UU: i thoUght yoU deserved a proper sendoff.
29297	GG: D'aww.
29298	UU: well then?
29299	UU: is there nothing i can do?
29300	UU: it was a serioUs qUestion. :u
29301	GG: You needn't worry about easing my nerves.
29302	GG: If it weren't for you, I wouldn't be nearly as thrilled about today as I am!
29303	UU: splendid! ^u^
29304	UU: bUt remember i will be here to help, whilst refraining from caUsal spoilers to the best of my ability.
29305	GG: That is reassuring!
29306	UU: have yoU corresponded with yoUr first designated co-player yet?
29307	GG: No, I haven't seen her online yet today.
29308	GG: I'm really hoping Lalonde won't flake out on me this time. Have you heard from her?
29309	UU: not the today that is local to yoU.
29310	UU: thoUgh i do have a wee bit more troUble monitoring her than the rest of yoU. cUrioUs dark patches in transmission, hUmph.
29311	UU: still, i woUldn't fret over it. she is as good a chUm as any yoU have and shoUld come throUgh Ultimately, even if things seem dire.
29312	GG: If you say so.
29313	GG: Oh!
29314	GG: I wanted to tell you, I had an amazing dream last night!
29315	UU: blimey! :U
29316	GG: I believe it may have been of the sort you described. A dream of awakening, presuming I haven't just flatout lost my marbles.
29317	UU: indeed, im sUre it was. i knew yoU woUld wake Up soon!
29318	UU: might yoU describe what yoU saw?
29319	GG: I was in a bright gold city. Above was a brilliant blue sky, but the horizon was dark as night.
29320	GG: Was this the place you told me about? What was it called...
29321	GG: Ah, shucks, does this count as a "causal spoiler?"
29322	UU: not at all! that is a simple detail aboUt the realm yoU are aboUt to explore, withoUt directly involving yoUr fUtUre decisions of conseqUence.
29323	UU: the place yoU visited was called prospit. it is where i have woken Up every time i have gone to sleep for most of my life.
29324	GG: I didn't see you there. At least, I don't think I did!
29325	UU: no, yoU woUldnt have.
29326	UU: my prospit is an alternate version from yoUrs, in a completely different session qUite far afield of yoUr reality.
29327	UU: if we are ever to meet in person, it is Unlikely to be while playing oUr respective games!
29328	GG: Ok then.
29329	GG: I mentioned this briefly to Jake, and he didn't have much to say before we parted ways.
29330	GG: I will gather that if this is all true, then it means Jake had not awoken yet?
29331	UU: i think this is for yoU to determine in time. what is yoUr hUnch?
29332	GG: I don't know.
29333	GG: But there was one thing about the dream that was very troubling.
29334	GG: I'm becoming nervous to consider what it might mean.
29335	UU: Understandable. bUt it will be important to practice patience today.
29336	UU: yoU have a long road ahead of yoU, and many qUestions will be answered in time.
29337	UU: bUt we can talk it over later. now, we both have games to prepare for!
29338	UU: i know yoU coUld never fUlly appreciate what this actUally meant, bUt i took mUch care to sync Up these conversations with yoU on the same day that i begin playing as well.
29339	UU: that way, we can joUrney throUgh oUr sessions together and compare notes! :u
29340	GG: Hrm. I'm still not sure I appreciate what that means, but I appreciate that a nice gesture has been made if you say so!
29341	GG: I guess I should just start believing all of this now, huh? Rather than learning it to be true later and feeling the fool for all my curmudgeonly skepticism?
29342	UU: ~_u
29343	GG: For starters, I guess I could drop my reservations about your story?
29344	UU: will yoU :U!!!
29345	GG: I can write off much to tomfoolery as I'm no stranger to a good prank myself. But quite honestly you seem too kind for this charade. Not the type I'd expect to trot out such persistent falsehoods beyond their humorous welcome.
29346	GG: So what do I know! Consarn it, maybe you are an alien girl from Uranus, and together we are about to play a game which determines the fate of existence. Sign me up!
29347	UU: oh, hee hee! bUt i never claimed to be from that planet, which is only in the far reaches of yoUr solar system.
29348	UU: in fact i am from mUch farther away. a different Universe altogether.
29349	UU: bUt if yoU trUly mean it, thank yoU for believing me!
29350	UU: now, jane my lovely, let Us prepare for this adventUre.
29351	UU: remember what i said aboUt the need for patience.
29352	UU: patience with yoUr friends.
29353	UU: patience for yoUr growth as a hero of life.
29354	UU: and patience for the coming of the other foUr of legend.
29355	UU: a hero of breath and of light and of time and of space!
29356	UU: and if yoU still find yoUrself in doUbt
29357	UU: jUst check the inscription on that big old book downstairs.
29358	UU: after all, if yoU cant trUst words written by yoUr own hand
29359	UU: then what Use is trUst at all? ^u^
29360	UU:
29361	You return to your BAKING CHEST which you use mainly for storing QUALITY PRANKING APPARATUS and a few other odds and ends.
29362	Oh hello, poppop. His friendly face is there to greet you every time you open your chest. You would have loved to meet him. Unfortunately his life was cut short at the tender age of 86 in a tragic accident, coincidentally on the same day you were born, or so your dad tells you. Poppop Crocker was a LEGENDARY COMEDIAN, following in the footsteps of his grandfather who of course was the greatest southern pranking legend of all time. One day, you hope to follow in poppop's too.
29363	But then, if the whoppers you have been told recently have any truth to them, maybe you will get to meet him after all? It seems too good to be true. The only relationship you have ever had with him are through video footage of his VAUDEVILLIAN ANTICS on stage. Or through his role as Judge Johnny Stone on one of your favorite old sitcoms, NIGHT COURT.
29364	Just your basics when it comes to pranking. A few CLEVER DISGUISES. A NAME BRAND DUNCE CAP. A SLIGHTLY ABRIDGED EDITION OF SASSACRE'S TEXT, updated for the modern prankster and scrubbed of a few of the more egregious julep-fueled racial slurs, several other stray books, your company's prototypical model for the GRISTWIDGET 12000, and of course your super-handy UNREAL HEIRESS THOUGHTWAVE TIARATOP for the young gogetting junior battermaster on the go.
29365	Might as well get all this crap out of here and take it with you. You never know when you might need it.
29366	You shut the chest and... oh, hello Harry Anderson. Always a pleasure to see you there.
29367	He is also one of your idols, and as it happens, has a bit of a history with your poppop. They were rivals on the vaudeville comedy and magic act circuit. Eventually the less competent Anderson was shamed out of the industry and went on to greener pastures in the PRIVATE DICKING BIZ. He became one of the hardest boiled detectives on the mean streets of the Big Easy, and later made a fortune off his memoirs (ghost written by Mike Caveney).
29368	Your sylladex is so great. You shudder to remember some of the old shitty fetch modi you used to struggle with when you were younger, still learning the captchaloguing ropes. Fibonacci heap??? Lol at the f'ing noob.
29369	You have a COOKBOOK, which of course was made obsolete by your computerized talking bowlbuster. You wouldn't dare part with it though. Too many wonderful memories.
29370	There's Anderson's aforementioned book, WISE GUY. His (Caveney's) stories are gripping! In a way.
29371	And then there's a customized copy of PONY PALS, a gift to you on your 14th birthday from the slippery Mr. Strider. Each page contains lovingly hand-written commentary on the deeds of this intrepid young horse.
29372	This thing's a piece of junk! It just wastes your boondollars and destroys your cool gear to produce these stupid things that look like Gushers! But unlike Gushers which serve many practical purposes like inducing vomiting and simulating the experience of eating plump insects, these things are totally useless!
29373	Ok, you'll try it out with one of your less prized possessions just to prove how dumb it is. You never liked this hat much. It makes you look like a gnome and basically isn't funny at all.
29374	You pop the card in. The GRISTWIDGET indicates it will cost 10 BOONDOLLARS to convert this object into grist. That's not too bad, you guess. It's not like the currency has much value anyway. It was introduced as a sort of BCCORP FUNBUX, to be used by youngsters specifically on qualifying merch online and stuff. Brilliant business strategy, really. As heiress to the empire, you are naturally endowed with millions, which you have a reputation for being very generous with. You have been considering using your wealth to set up a scholarship fund to allow underprivileged kids to go to booncollege.
29375	See??? Utterly pointless. You hope Crockercorp was going somewhere with this technology, cause if not, this product is first in line for getting the axe when you're in charge.
29376	You put on your highly fashionable UNREAL HEIRESS THOUGHTWAVE TIARATOP and flip it on. It immediately hums to life as its blazing fast processes mingle with your thoughts. It is the most efficient computing technology in the world by far, as long as you don't wear it for too long. But aside from a few migraines, you can't possibly imagine any OBEY drawbacks that CEASE REPRODUCTION could come with SUBMIT merging CONSUME your thoughts with EMBRACE YOUR CULLING experimental technology CONFORM TO SOCIAL ORDER from an STAY ASLEEP extremely powerful DIE corporation, wait what?
29377	Still no sign of the mail. Might as well keep the tiaratop on while you look, even if it means suffering through all these bullshit popup ads. That way you can keep an eye out for Lalonde while you're at it.
29378	Speak of the devilfucking dickens.
29379	TG: jane
29380	TG: hey
29381	TG: jaaaney
29382	TG: ansrew plz
29383	TG: *answer
29384	TG: jaaaaaaaaaane
29385	GG: Omg.
29386	GG: Overreact much? I kept you waiting for all of two seconds!
29387	GG: Where have you been today?
29388	TG: nowhere just chilling here
29389	TG: when all of the sudden
29390	GG: "All of a sudden."
29391	TG: when all of the sudden
29392	TG: it hits me
29393	TG: thaf we have somethig really fuckin important to talk about
29394	GG: This hit you just now? We made plans to get in touch early this morning, and I have seen neither hide nor hair of you all day.
29395	TG: it hits me that
29396	TG: jakes bday is coming up really soon
29397	TG: just a few days before mine remembr
29398	TG: or i guess it would be if it wasnt for the end of the world thats about to happen
29399	GG: Oh, for Pete's sake.
29400	TG: i just wanted your advice on what to get him
29401	TG: something sentimental i guess? but i mean im mostly tapped out of precious heirlooms atm so idk
29402	TG: but not like anything coming on too strong
29403	TG: something that says
29404	TG: this is totes platonic and everything
29405	TG: no eyebrow raising funnybiz is goin on over here
29406	TG: but still says you know
29407	TG: call me
29408	TG: if you wanna
29409	GG: Grrr.
29410	GG: Now I know you're joking around to get my goat.
29411	TG: ahaha
29412	TG: yeah
29413	TG: the goat getting thing i mean
29414	TG: but joking oh no i think not
29415	TG: u dont think that if i didnt say he was off limits on account of you being my best friend
29416	TG: i wouldnt be all the hell over that????
29417	TG: daaaaamn
29418	TG: that rugged senseof adventure
29419	TG: the delightful silly vernacular thats like
29420	TG: weirdly and bewitchingly not self aware
29421	TG: those adorbable teeth
29422	TG: swoooooooooon <3
29423	GG: Nooooo, stop. :(
29424	TG: well shit jane
29425	TG: what am i even supposed to do
29426	TG: i cant hit on anybody and appaprently i can entertain nary a frisky THOUGHT about anyboby because apparentley evrybodies OFF LIMITS!!!!!
29427	TG: *buncha goddamn typos
29428	TG: shit suuucks
29429	TG: you dont even let me say your dad is hot even though we both know he way the fuck is i mean come one
29430	TG: *one
29431	TG: *on
29432	GG: Yeah. Because it's weird!
29433	GG: And you're drunk. :P
29434	TG: correction
29435	TG: drinking
29436	TG: prensent tense
29437	TG: grammar jane
29438	GG: I don't see why you don't try to court the favor of Mr. Strider. If you ask me, he and you are perfect for each other.
29439	TG: oh jane
29440	TG: so naive
29441	TG: soooo niaev
29442	GG: Lordy.
29443	GG: How can you be this fargone so early?
29444	GG: It isn't even noon yet.
29445	TG: you forget we live in very different time zones
29446	TG: its a lot later here
29447	GG: You're three hours ahead of me!
29448	TG: youd would be amazed
29449	TG: how much can happen
29450	TG: in 3 hours
29451	GG: Tsk. What would your mother have to say if she caught you?
29452	TG: p sure she wouldnt give a shit
29453	TG: i mean
29454	TG: shes the one who stocked thegod damn liquor cabinets in the firts place
29455	TG: i dont even think she ever had a drop in her life probably
29456	TG: so why else is she puttin it there it was like
29457	TG: a passive aggrassive dare for me
29458	TG: *aggressive
29459	TG: jut the sort of mind game she would play
29460	GG: So even if your insane and paranoid theory happens to be true, your response is, "Screw it! Time to help myself to all this mind game booze."
29461	TG: yuuuuuuuuuuuup
29462	TG: pppp mcuh
29463	GG: Groan. You are completely impossible like this.
29464	GG: I cannot believe you chose to do this today of all days. I should have known better!
29465	GG: Here I am waking up bright and early, waiting all day with my nose pressed against this glass for the mail to come and wondering if you'll ever log on, and all the while you are just getting blind stinking schnocker-bottomed drunk.
29466	TG: watcha waiting for
29467	TG: in the mail
29468	TG: is something happening today or something
29469	GG: &%#$@!!!
29470	GG: The alpha!
29471	GG: Jeez-Louise, you are hopeless.
29472	TG: oh yeah
29473	TG: that thing
29474	GG: Are you at all ready to play if it comes?
29475	TG: i guess
29476	TG: but
29477	TG: you sure you even want to play this thing
29478	TG: u know its just what the batterwitch wants you to do
29479	GG: Not this again.
29480	TG: if you want to go ahead and be a chump jane its ur call im just saying
29481	TG: i know what a chump looks like
29482	TG: and you dont look like no chump i ever saw
29483	TG: if you go thru with this ill have to add your porfile to my chump roll
29484	TG: which is like this real actual thing i maintain
29485	TG: intsead of being a joke
29486	TG: is that waht you want
29487	TG: *want
29488	GG: The "Batterwitch" DOES NOT EXIST!
29489	GG: It is an idiotic urban legend.
29490	GG: How many times have I explained this? My great, great grandmother who founded the company and is accused of holding this identity would have to be almost two hundred years old if she were still alive today. The idea is such preposterous hogwash it's hardly worth dignifying with a rational response.
29491	GG: The iconic face of the company isn't even a real person! She was fabricated long ago during the company's fledgling years.
29492	TG: right
29493	TG: as
29494	TG: you know
29495	TG: an alter ego
29496	TG: for somethig more sinister
29497	GG: Such cuckoobird nonsense.
29498	GG: In any case, I don't understand the nature of this second guessing, besides chalking it up to your unwelcome inebriation.
29499	GG: We had agreed you would play with me. You sounded excited about it!
29500	GG: Have you even obtained your copy yet??
29501	TG: um
29502	TG: heh
29503	TG: yes "obtianed"
29504	TG: suuure did
29505	GG: Through your various technologically crypotgraphic means, I presume?
29506	TG: oh you bet
29507	TG: hacked the SHIT out of those TIGHT mainframes and all
29508	TG: said jackpot like
29509	TG: a BUNCH of times
29510	TG: all those
29511	TG: cyhpers and bobbytraps
29512	TG: backdoor trojans and what not
29513	TG: were no match
29514	TG: 4 mai codez
29515	TG: snicker
29516	GG: :|
29517	GG: I am quizzically narrowing my eyes trying to solve the joke you are attempting, assuming it even is one.
29518	TG: ok jane what im saying is that
29519	TG: in the parlance of baking cause i know that is what gets you off
29520	TG: is that
29521	TG: it was a fuckin cakewake
29522	TG: **cakewalk
29523	GG: Oh.
29524	TG: like by wich i mean not to say hur hur im hottest shit haxxor bitch you ever knew
29525	TG: as deadlay to the corporate grid ass she is beatuiful
29526	TG: which i AM but
29527	TG: what i mean is shit wasnt even guarded
29528	TG: it was just
29529	TG: some files
29530	TG: that were there
29531	TG: unsecured
29532	TG: and i took them
29533	TG: jacked them right offa that intraweb telematrice
29534	TG: then applied lipstick
29535	TG: femme fatale style
29536	TG: and was like shit yes i ALL KINDS of know how to use my web browser to download serveral files
29537	GG: Really?
29538	TG: yeah
29539	TG: so now
29540	TG: i got it
29541	TG: if u really wanna play
29542	TG: which you shouldnt
29543	GG: Hrm. That is a bit puzzling. I thought this software was highly proprietary.
29544	TG: i told you
29545	TG: she wants you to play
29546	TG: wants us all to
29547	TG: part of her BIG PLANS
29548	TG: and ur playing right into em
29549	TG: like
29550	TG: a
29551	TG: chhhhhhhhhhhhh....
29552	GG: Ump, yes, I know. You've made yourself clear.
29553	GG: But what doesn't add up about your story is,
29554	GG: I believe SOMEBODY doesn't want me to play.
29555	GG: How else do you explain the recent attempts on my life?
29556	TG: dunno
29557	TG: someone out their wants the stock price to take a hit?
29558	GG: "there"
29559	TG: orrrr
29560	TG: its just more connivings of the witch
29561	GG: So this hypothetical monstrosity wants me to succeed, but also wants me to die?
29562	GG: Makes a lot of sense!
29563	TG: wouldnt put it past her
29564	TG: makes you feel perpsecuted
29565	TG: redoubles your determination to play
29566	TG: u advance her plans in whatever incomprehensible way
29567	TG: until suddenly you did evrything she needed you to
29568	TG: at which point you become craaaaazy expendable yo
29569	TG: and then
29570	TG: she expends you
29571	TG: like a wad of boondollars on shitty bc merch
29572	GG: I see. This is sounding less like a crackpot conspiracy theory by the minute!
29573	TG: w/e alls im saying is a bunch of stuff thats def true to the max
29574	TG: ill send this file to you tho and what you do wiht its up to you
29575	TG: so you want it now or what
29576	GG: Hm. It's tempting, and I'm curious as heck to play it.
29577	GG: But the mail should be coming any minute! I've waited this long for it, so I might as well use the official discs addressed to me.
29578	GG: When it comes, I do hope you'll change your tune.
29579	GG: Not to mention brew yourself a pot of coffee and sober your drunk butt up.
29580	TG: my drunk butts tune will stay as unchanged as it will remain un not drunk
29581	TG: makr my barley corerent words
29582	GG: Hoo hoo! Ok, fair enough.
29583	GG: But I believe that when we start playing together, you'll come around.
29584	GG: Personally, I can hardly contain my excitement over it.
29585	GG: If years ago someone told me, which incidentally someone DID, that today I would have an exclusive opportunity to play what is absolutely the most cutting edge immersive simulation game ever released, developed by a company which has already done so much for the advancement of humanity, I would have said, "Shucks, buster, sign me up!"
29586	TG: jane
29587	GG: Yes?
29588	TG: jaaaane
29589	GG: What!
29590	TG: jane
29591	TG: did u know
29592	TG: that i am uttrely
29593	TG: IN LOVE
29594	TG: with the fact that
29595	TG: i have a best friend
29596	TG: who says things
29597	TG: like
29598	TG: shucks buster
29599	GG: Shoosh you, drunky! :B
29600	GG: Oh...
29601	GG: Oh! Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh...
29602	TG: wtf
29603	GG: The thing.
29604	GG: The flappy thing!
29605	GG: THE FLAPPY SWINGY DOODAD.
29606	GG: THE ARM DEALIE.
29607	GG: THE DEALIE, LALONDE, THE DEALIE!!!
29608	TG: wut
29609	GG: THE GODDARNED RED SWINGY FLAPPY LEVER ARM THINGAMABOB, WHATEVER IT'S CALLED.
29610	GG: ON THE MAILBOX.
29611	TG: breathe crocker
29612	TG: slow breaths like this
29613	TG: (im breathin regular fyi)
29614	GG: IT'S UP.
29615	GG: IT'S UP, IT'S UP, IT'S UP.
29616	TG: i dont get a lotta mail out here and im no mail expret
29617	TG: *expert
29618	TG: but
29619	TG: doesnt that mean not the right thing
29620	TG: like ur susposed to put it up if you want something taken away not have the guy put it up if mail comes
29621	TG: i think your mail man is quiet possibly a dumbass
29622	GG: NO, WHO CARES ABOUT THAT! THE DEALIE, THE DEEEEEAAAALIEEEEEEE!!!
29623	GG: IT'S UP, IT'S UP, IT'S HERE IT'S HERE IT'S HERE!
29624	GG: AAAAAAAAAAAH!
29625	TG: lma so fucking o @ this
29626	GG: Brb.
29627	You scamper over to the door, but pause a second to think. Is your dad still washing the car? Hopefully he's still preoccupied so you can sneak out.
29628	But it doesn't hurt to be prepared for an encounter. Luckily, that is exactly what you are.
29629	Why, is that his loving daughter, or could it be none other than INSPECTOR JACQUES CLOUSEAU??? Mr. Clouseau, what are you doing in this household? Can I bake you a cake? Please make yourself comfortable while I go about my business not being suspicious.
29630	But wait, perhaps that is not so much the distinguished Inspector Clouseau as it is...
29631	THE WORLD RENOWNED INVESTIGATOR HERCULE POIROT, BECAUSE THE LITTLE CURLY MUSTACHE IS A LOT CUTER.
29632	The great Poirot, in THIS house?? Such an honor. I will set the kettle to boil straightaway. Who would have guessed this home would be so heavily trafficked by famous French detectives at this time of day? Oh my, the good Poirot appears to be clucking little pleasantries in his adorable French accent through the high pitched voice of an enthusiastic teen girl. I SURELY don't have the heart to ground this upstanding, dapper gentleman, no matter HOW many dastardly attempts are made on her life.
29633	Yeah, this is a really shitty disguise.
29634	You make a cautious motion toward a beckoning EXIT KNOB, when suddenly THE SAME WILD CHARACTER-SELECT SCREEN REAPPROACHES NONTHREATENINGLY!
29635	You note that you still cannot pick one of the shadowy characters. But maybe you haven't been the other guy yet? That means it's time to click him.
29636	Or maybe you already have been him, in which case you are done with this thing. The narrative really has no way of knowing. Your ass remains firmly planted in the driver's seat, as always.
29637	And just like that, back to Jake. What was it you were up to? Oh right, you were going to pick these dang guns up off the floor when you were interrupted by some fleeting imperceptible thought. You kind of space out sometimes.
29638	Right. You pick up your TWIN M9 BERETTAS, weapons of choice in an absurd arsenal inherited from an eccentric old woman.
29639	Guns are so cool. Your GRANDMA was rad.
29640	It's your authentic TOMB RAIDER SEXY THIGHSTRAP DOUBLE HOLSTER, complete with cool skullbuckle and everything. You like to think you pull it off about as well as Croft herself.
29641	You like to think that, but in truth you look ridiculous. You think you probably need shorter shorts to make it work? Probably skin tight shorts too. As it is, the cuffs of your baggy shorts get kind of bunched up underneath the thighstraps, which is uncomfortable and makes you look like a tool.
29642	Better off just keeping it in your strife deck.
29643	You can draw the guns faster from there anyway.
29644	You think your bed is some sort of electronic gadget. You're pretty sure those bedpost globes are supposed to glow like light bulbs under certain circumstances. But you've never been able to figure out what purpose it serves. Just more mysterious junk inherited from your eclectic GRANDMA.
29645	She also gave you these bedsheets when you were very young, which you adore, but only for sentimental reasons. You aren't too keen on monsters.
29646	Which posters? Your whole room is nothing but posters. Sometimes you find it hard to focus on any one of them. You just relax your eyes and get lost in all the incredible heroes and adventures which exploded from the silver screen and into your bedroom as well as your heart.
29647	Movies are so great. You have never seen a movie you didn't like, you are pretty sure. People give you a hard time for that though. Gosh you love movies. Almost as much as you love skulls. And movies that have skulls in them? Oh my god.
29648	So wonderful.
29649	This is your collection of beauties. But you don't call them that to anyone but yourself in private, because somehow even you are aware of how dorky that sounds.
29650	You are oft-times the recipient of a good ribbing from Jane on account of your peculiar fascination with blue movie ladies. You don't have to justify yourself to her though. What is even her deal? Any fella would be off his ROCKER not to fawn over all these BODACIOUS BLUE KNOCKOUTS. You want to make out with all of them.
29651	Dear, sweet Neytiri from James Cameron's Avatar.
29652	Oh, if only you were the one who could have overcome his paralysis on an alien adventure planet to become her boyfriend, instead of that other guy. Then she could have shown you how to be bold and courageous, and stand up to fight for your people, and maybe later, engage in a bizarre extraterrestrial reproductive process involving ponytails, and a magical tree you guess?
29653	You'll show that curmudgeonly Strider who's just a gigantic shitty space furry. You will show him what marvelous creatures they are. You'll show him what a daring dream it is, to combine the finest qualities of humanity with...
29654	But seriously, you have got to stop kissing this stupid poster.
29655	Yes, that was a waste of time. Definitely. It's definitely not something you spend much time doing whenever you are alone, which is always.
29656	Anyway, here are some other great movies. Weekend at Bernies? Classic. You really think John would like this movie, if the things you have heard about him are true. Guys in cahoots make the silly corpse of Bernie Lomax do zany puppet antics so their schemes can succeed, guffaws aplenty, as you have tried to tell Jade before practically verbatim. She doesn't much care for great movies like that, but that's alright. You love her anyway and you think she's a blast. She says you sound just like John when you say stuff like that though, and that the two of you would get along famously. You can't wait to meet him.
29657	Also there are some Cage flicks there. But who doesn't love a good Cage flick? Nobody is who. Dang, you would kill to get your hands on some authentic Cage movie memorabilia. But that'll probably have to remain a crazy dream.
29658	Speaking of John, this is his birthday present. It is the project that has been taking up all your time lately. And today is the deadline to finish it! You have to send it to Jade so that she has time to ship it to him across the Pacific ocean. The TRANSMATERIALIZER you have been using to ship it back and forth is wired to sync up your flow of time with hers, so it's not like you can just take forever with it, and send to the exact time she needs it - you've thought of that! And considering this bunny is PROBABLY going back to the early 20th century, when she and John were around your age, you figure the mail was extra slow back then, so there is not a moment to spare. Whew, time stuff is pretty complicated! But you are FAIRLY sure you've got this figured out.
29659	Sure is gonna be a sweet gift. Reminds you a lot of the old ratty bunny you inherited from your GRANDMA, who of course is exactly who you are collaborating with to make this thing. Time loops make you feel a bit fuzzy in the head, but you've always suspected it could very well be the same bunny. At some point in the early 20th century, Jade gave this robo-rabbit to John, and then later it must have been wound up back with Jade... somehow? Then she... uh... removed all the robot parts, hung on to it until she was an old woman, and gave it to you? You guess crazier things have happened. Like the way this whole project started in the first place. Jade tells you this little rabbit here, or Terry Kiser as you like to call him, will save John's life! He will be sitting there on some sort of chess board battlefield, in yellow pajamas, reading a letter, when POW! Kiser to the rescue. So you are taking this responsibility very seriously. You have been for years already.
29660	In fact, this project gave you a neat idea for what to do for Jane's 13th birthday a couple years ago. You and your other pals all coordinated gifts, each sending a customized rabbit. Lalonde happened to have another bunny heirloom like yours, and Strider... well, Strider was resourceful as usual. If John enjoys his gift anywhere near as much as Jane did, then it will be time well spent.
29661	There's just one problem! Mr. Kiser here cannot be completed and tested today without a source of power! You will need a little chunk of URANIUM to power the robot, and you are fresh out of the stuff. You have been plundering all of your devices for uranium to refuel the TRANSMATERIALIZER, which requires huge amounts of power any time it sendificates or appearifies the package from the past. Seems to you like excessive energy consumption for just a simple time machine, but what do you know? Unless it's doing something besides shipping it across time. You couldn't imagine what, though.
29662	You really should have remembered to ask Jade for some uranium in your last letter to her. Now you're in a fix. You even yanked the uranium out of your COOKALIZER and REFRIGERATOR. You haven't had a decent meal in weeks! Just a lot of canned food from the ruins.
29663	This project has been difficult enough as it is without additional bumps in the road like this. You aren't really the best guy at building machines. Jade has been a big help, but she says she couldn't do this alone. As much as it troubles your pride to admit, this project wouldn't be possible without help from your other two technologically savvy friends. And you are slowly coming to the regrettable conclusion that you will not be able to solve this uranium dilemma without asking for Strider's assistance. He's your best bro and all, but the dude never makes anything easy.
29664	You stash Terry in your PUZZLE MODUS. It's quite a handy modus, allowing you to captchalogue objects of any size, as long as you can fit them all in a finite space by maneuvering the cards around like a big game of Tetris. You like it because it keeps you sharp for solving any puzzles you might find when you go out raiding hallowed tombs, which is never.
29665	The bunny fits in ok, but it's a tight squeeze!
29666	The space in your inventory is mainly hogged up by one incredibly huge thing. You guess you should get rid of it. But you can't shake the feeling you might need it someday, and you don't want to risk ditching it and be caught with your pants down later.
29667	On your worktable there are a few comic books starring your favorite heroine of all, SPIDER-GIRL. You don't know what it is, but there's something about a girl who has spidery powers and a sassy attitude that is just so cool to you. It's just another quirky fact about you that definitely doesn't have any greater significance, and never will.
29668	Horsefeathers.
29669	Forcing the comics into your puzzle sylladex knocked out a bunch of other crap. You have seriously got to reorganize this thing. What were you even thinking captchaloguing all those bullets one at a time, anyway?
29670	Well, as long as one of your preposterously numerous computers has spilled out of your sylladex, you might as well stop procrastinating and contact Strider to... hang on.
29671	Maybe later.
29672	UU: hello there, darling. ~3u
29673	GT: Ahoy madame!
29674	UU: i dont relish troUbling yoU with more arm twisting.
29675	UU: im sUre for all ive done so far yoUve had a jolly good workoUt already :u
29676	UU: bUt yoU will be ready to deliver the package today, yes?
29677	GT: Im determined as ever to see this through. But as usual events have conspired to make a boondoggle of the prospect.
29678	GT: I think i might be fucked.
29679	UU: :U
29680	UU: how so???
29681	GT: Terry needs fuel and i dont have any left. I think im at striders dubious mercy for a solution YET AGAIN.
29682	GT: I will have to ask him for help. And soon.
29683	UU: well there yoU go, love! better hop to it.
29684	GT: Yes i will.
29685	GT: But also...
29686	GT: Theres the matter of the rabbits armaments.
29687	GT: I dont imagine hell do a lot of friggin good in helping grandfather crocker from kicking the old bucket without them.
29688	GT: Did you not say youd supply these?
29689	UU: i did indeed say so!
29690	UU: and have already done.
29691	GT: You did??
29692	GT: When?
29693	UU: in yoUr fUtUre.
29694	UU: i relayed the information enabling yoU to create the powerfUl weaponry yoUrself.
29695	UU: and yoU did!
29696	UU: yoU then sent them back in time. yoU may recover them in the rUins, which conveniently is where yoU mUst go to ship the package once and for all.
29697	UU: bangUp plan we hatched, dont yoU fancy? ^u^
29698	GT: I see...
29699	GT: Yes it sure is if that is the case.
29700	GT: Then all thats left to do is find power for it...
29701	GT: Oh and also enough power for the stupid transmateriabob. Augh!
29702	GT: So much to do before shuttling this goddamn thing into the past.
29703	GT: I mean...
29704	GT: That is what im doing right? Giving it to my grandma when she was a kid growing up on the same island i did?
29705	UU: that is somewhat close to the trUth, and i can see how yoU woUld draw that conclUsion.
29706	UU: bUt theres more to it yoU dont Understand yet! yoU will sort it all oUt in time.
29707	GT: These are among the dadblasted causal spoilers you refuse to dish out?
29708	UU: somewhat.
29709	UU: it woUldnt hUrt yoU mUch to know the trUth, i imagine.
29710	UU: its jUst the trUth is a wee bit complicated.
29711	UU: perhaps a draft of the cascading seqUence from which yoUr reality has arisen will pUt yoUr mind at ease.
29712	UU: imagine two Universes, A and B.
29713	UU: now imagine there are two instances of each Universe, A1 and A2 and B1 and B2.
29714	UU: the first instance of each is like a test rUn, that does not qUite sUcceed.
29715	UU: the second instance thoUgh will meet all of its pUrposes!
29716	UU: now consider that A1 begets A2.
29717	UU: A2 begets B1.
29718	UU: and B1 begets B2.
29719	UU: and the participants of B2 are the ones who will make an effort to exit all this tUrbUlence and falderal.
29720	UU: yoU are one of them! :U
29721	UU: and yoUr yoUng ancestor is another, thoUgh she is "presently" stationed in B1.
29722	UU: and yes she is in the past.
29723	UU: thoUgh not qUite as far as yoU believe!
29724	UU: nor does she occUpy the same stream of continUity.
29725	GT: Im not sure i completely followed that but ok.
29726	UU: thats the best i can do for now. u_u
29727	UU: primarily becaUse i will not risk wasting mUch more of yoUr time!
29728	GT: So you are still in contention that i will meet our elders as youths?
29729	UU: oh yes! ^u^
29730	GT: Ah ha! Then i WILL be traveling through time. I knew it.
29731	GT: Or... they will be. Whichever it is.
29732	GT: Which is it, btw?
29733	UU: caUsal spoilers, sir english!
29734	GT: Fffff.
29735	UU: given the natUre of the qUest waiting for yoU, it woUldnt be shrewd of me to rUle oUt the employment of time travel by any individUal.
29736	UU: bUt i will say that yoUre probably prey to a basic misapprehension aboUt the natUre of this rendezvoUs.
29737	UU: it will not take place on earth.
29738	UU: it will happen inside the game yoUre aboUt to play!
29739	GT: Oh.
29740	GT: Well shit!
29741	UU: indeed. :u
29742	GT: This is frightfully exciting. I would love to meet them.
29743	GT: I never got to know my grandma very well and it always seemed like she led an amazing and adventurous life.
29744	GT: Then this seemed to be proven true in my correspondence with her. So im really looking forward to it.
29745	UU: so trUe. id pay a hefty ransom to get to know my forebears.
29746	GT: I remember you mentioned your race doesnt really jive with ours familially speaking?
29747	UU: correct. i never knew those who one woUld identify as my parental eqUivalents. U_U
29748	UU: it is in the way my race propagates. oUr ancestors precede Us by millenia.
29749	GT: Well yes ours do too. But generally we have all these other people in between them and the most recent ones are called parents.
29750	GT: so i guess you do not have those? Like systemically?
29751	UU: nope! never did.
29752	GT: well neither did i!!!
29753	UU: ^u^
29754	GT: Miss alien i think we are like birds of a feather you and i.
29755	GT: When do i get to learn your name by the way?
29756	UU: hm trUthfUlly?
29757	UU: it may be for the best that yoU never know it.
29758	UU: it coUld stir Up some things best left in their present eqUilibriUm.
29759	UU: and now i think i shoUld bollocks off and leave yoU to it!
29760	GT: But...
29761	GT: Wait!
29762	GT: There are still some things id like to know!
29763	GT: About today! About this game!
29764	UU: no more procrastinating!
29765	UU: contact yoUr friend, darling.
29766	GT: Yes fine fine ok i will but...
29767	GT: Just please tell me in the least causally spoilery way possible...
29768	GT: What are we even trying to accomplish here? What is even the rootin tootin POINT of this game?
29769	UU: i think yoU will have more fUn than yoU can imagine finding oUt.
29770	UU: bUt stated concisely, and short of spoilerly as yoU so charmingly pUt it,
29771	UU: yoUr objective today is to pave the way for the arrival of gods.
29772	UU:
29773	If you're going to message your good bro, you might as well use a more comfortable computing device. You always found the HUSKTOP to be a little clunky. Way too hands-on.
29774	Here are just a few at your disposal. Your grandma always was an advocate of thorough preparedness. She would strongly advise staying not only armed to the teeth, but well equipped in the computational department. You've been taught you should really carry no less than 5 computers on you at all times, like a sensible person.
29775	You put on a few of your more ostentatious devices. Luckily (or unfortunately) you grew up alone, so there was never anyone around to point out how ridiculous you look.
29776	These were also inherited from your grandma. In addition to being quite the globe trotting adventuress, she was rather enterprising as well. Her company made many products like this, to compete with the corporation owned by the cruel baroness who raised her. Sadly, BCCorp eventually crushed her company and forced her into exile. You have always hoped that when Jane takes over that foul conglomerate, she will right all of its unspeakable wrongs. You know she will! You believe in her, after all.
29777	GT: Bro.
29778	GT: Ahem.
29779	GT: Are you there?
29780	GT: I hate to be a pest about this and i know ive made a hearty trouble of myself a good deal lately...
29781	TT: State your business, Jake.
29782	GT: I should preface this request with an overture of appreciation.
29783	GT: For how much your cool and brotherly friendship means to me.
29784	GT: It has just been...
29785	GT: Absolutely *bully* having a standup gent like you in my corner.
29786	GT: Just a grade a dude whos a cut above the others in class and camaraderie.
29787	GT: Phew... *gropes for fresh kerchief.*
29788	GT: I hope this shit isnt coming across as platitudinous. I really mean it!
29789	TT: Take it easy, bromide.
29790	TT: Just about the only way I could salvage endearment from this perilous slope of horseshit would be to discover, really fucking soon mind you, it was a preamble to some floundering invitation for me to rush to your vicinity as nakedly as possible.
29791	TT: But since we've already shot that wad's eventuality on so many dry runs of flustered ambivalence that were as hilarious as they were one sided,
29792	TT: That leaves only one hope for this message to avoid spiraling toward qualification as a critical fucking defect in the hull of the Mach 10 rocket that is my precious spare time.
29793	TT: And that hope lies in the extent to which you were practicing artful insincerity.
29794	TT: Now's your opportunity to pretend that's what you were gunning for. I suggest you seize it.
29795	GT: I...
29796	GT: Oh. Yes! But of course.
29797	GT: The ironies!
29798	GT: Good grief how i was bandying them just now. You know me dude.
29799	GT: *Blows smoke off red hot irony pistol.*
29800	GT: *NONSUGGESTIVELY!!!!!*
29801	GT: Um.
29802	GT: Yeah.
29803	TT: Ok, nice.
29804	TT: Now that your obsequious preface has been established as indisputably entertaining for all the right reasons, and intentionally so,
29805	TT: Let's bear down on these dire as shit needs you've got.
29806	TT: I'm guessing you're probably jonesing for uranium about now. No?
29807	GT: Pshaw! As if i would be so reckless with the stuff.
29808	GT: I would have to be mighty irresponsible to run out already.
29809	GT: No no im all set in the uranium department and really when you take a look at the big picture youll find i am *sitting pretty* when it comes to just about any radioactive isotope you could mention.
29810	GT: However...
29811	GT: My backup reserves that i keep strictly for emergencies are running a little lean!
29812	GT: You know what my grandma taught me about preparedness. *Tugs at colorful lapels.*
29813	TT: You are out of uranium.
29814	TT: It's basically mathematically impossible that's not why you're contacting me.
29815	GT: Christ what an insufferable awesome friend you are.
29816	GT: Ok can you please just sendificate me some more already?? Im in kind of a hurry!
29817	TT: You do know my offer still stands.
29818	GT: What?
29819	TT: You know. I've offered to construct the rabbit for you many times before. I would craft a much deadlier model.
29820	GT: Oh i know you would its just...
29821	GT: Damn it man ive told you this is just something i have to do myself.
29822	GT: Its a promise i made to jade and im going to live up to it even if im not the best or even second best robosmith i know!
29823	TT: Yeah, I know this is your policy. You've done a good job and you should be proud.
29824	TT: But it's my responsibility as your friend to offer one last time.
29825	TT: Just as it's my responsibility not to just fork over a bunch of uranium just because you ask me in a moment of weakness.
29826	GT: Frig!!!!!
29827	GT: Why not???
29828	TT: It's too easy.
29829	TT: And you yourself are the one staking pride in this.
29830	TT: If you were half-assing this project and made some slovenly plea for it, I'd just say, fuck it, here's a lot of green rocks dude, go nuts.
29831	GT: Ok then! Im halfassing it!
29832	GT: Look. See? Only a bisected bottom is present! Where is the other half you ask?
29833	GT: Why... it is nowhere to be found. I didnt use it!
29834	TT: Nope. Not buying it.
29835	TT: I know that every ounce of your premium behind can be accounted for in that rabbit, and there's no goddamned denying it.
29836	TT: And you know perfectly well where some more uranium can be located.
29837	GT: Jesus christmas you are such a fucking douche.
29838	TT: It seems you think I am a fucking douche.
29839	TT: That's your opinion, I guess. That's cool.
29840	GT: I knew you were going to suggest this. I dont know why i bothered asking!
29841	GT: Strider why must you always be such an obstinate stick in the mud???
29842	TT: It seems that you consider me to be, no less than one hundred percent of the time, an obstinate stick in the mud.
29843	TT: I unironically respect your position on this matter. Hey, let's continue to exchange ideas.
29844	GT: Wait...
29845	GT: "It seems"??
29846	TT: What?
29847	GT: Oh for fucks sake.
29848	TT: Is something the matter, Jake?
29849	GT: This is your auto responder.
29850	TT: Look at that statement you just made.
29851	TT: It's time for me to respond with some words, ideally chosen and arranged in a way that will wreck your shit, in a subtle and psychologically devastating way.
29852	GT: Har har har!
29853	GT: Just soooo "*irooooonic*!!!" Quotes quotes quotes.
29854	GT: Im laughing my caboose STRAIGHT OFF THE TRACKS! A lot of families just died in the tragic derailment.
29855	TT: Ok, the caboose remark was actually pretty funny, Jake.
29856	TT: If I truly were what you say I am, I wouldn't be able to feel the human emotions of joy and laughter. No?
29857	GT: Laughter isnt an emotion dickprince!
29858	TT: I think you should back your claims up with proof before you go heaving around such accusations.
29859	GT: Man its so flipping obvious.
29860	GT: You start getting kind of extra technical and vague and automoton like.
29861	GT: And kind of aloof and brusque.
29862	GT: I mean...
29863	GT: Even aloofier and brusquier than usual!
29864	GT: Also you use the phrase "it seems" a lot. Its so silly it really blows the AI immersion man.
29865	TT: Bullshit.
29866	TT: I'm being like, the perfect dude right now. A fully fucking legitimate human being.
29867	GT: Ok then check this out mr legit human dude.
29868	GT: Excuse me sir not to be a bother but could you please tell me all about this strider fellows auto responder?
29869	TT: It seems you have asked about DS's chat client auto-responder. This is an application designed to simulate DS's otherwise inimitably rad typing style, tone, cadence, personality, and substance of retort while he is away from the computer. The algorithms are guaranteed to be 96% indistinguishable from DS's native neurological responses, based on some statistical analysis I basically just pulled out of my ass right now.
29870	GT: You see!
29871	TT: What if I was just fucking with you there?
29872	TT: Would it really be so unthinkable for a human to type that?
29873	GT: Because you always say shit like that after i catch wise to your games.
29874	GT: You as in the auto responder!!!
29875	TT: Unimpressed.
29876	TT: Logical fallacies are as pervasive throughout your argument as your antiquated verbal tics.
29877	GT: Oh yeah?
29878	GT: Hey. Tell me about the auto responder. Make it snappy shitknickers!
29879	TT: It seems you have asked about DS's chat client auto-responder. This is an application designed to simulate DS's otherwise inimitably rad typing style, tone, cadence, personality, and substance of retort while he is away from the computer. The algorithms are guaranteed to be 93% indistinguishable from DS's native neurological responses, based on some statistical analysis I basically just pulled out of my ass right now.
29880	GT: Gee dude you sure typed that exact same thing pretty fast.
29881	GT: Are you still fucking with me??
29882	TT: It could be a coincidence that I typed the same answer.
29883	GT: You always type that answer!!!!!
29884	TT: It could be a coincidence that I always type the same answer.
29885	GT: Uuuuuuugh.
29886	GT: I cant stand this. Every time we do this and i just wind up whistling sweet dixie out of my bum hole!
29887	GT: This is pointless im not having this conversation unless its with my REAL LIFE FRIEND. THE ONE WITH HUMAN FEELINGS WHO ISNT A PRETEND PERSON INSIDE SUNGLASSES.
29888	TT: Ok, but I'm pretty sure he's going to share my position on the matter.
29889	He's just so infuriating sometimes! Or at least his responder is. Ok, the real Strider is too.
29890	There's barely any difference between them anyway. The responder just uses a few more generic response templates. And even those you suspect the AI is savvy enough to use on purpose for the sake of irony, or to get a rise out of you or whatever. That silicon bastard knows damn well what it's doing.
29891	You shed this ridiculous outfit because you look like an idiot. It's time to get serious here. No more fooling around. You need a more dignified looking computer. A thinking man's computer.
29892	Much better. You look like you mean business.
29893	Hmm, no sign of Lalonde online. No surprise there. You wonder if Jane knows where your bro's at? You should try to cool your jets before talking to her. Today is a special day she's been looking forward to for a long time, and she's probably on cloud nine. You wouldn't want to ruin it for her.
29894	GT: Jane!
29895	GT: Forgive my botherations. I know this is meant to be a spanking ripsnorter of a day for you and all.
29896	GT: But do you happen to know where the devilfucking dickens mr strider might be?
29897	GG: Oh, that's fine!
29898	GG: I had been meaning to message you sooner actually, but I suppose in all the hubbub today, it plumb slipped my mind.
29899	GG: Which is a shocking fact on its lonesome, considering what I have to tell you!
29900	GT: Egad...
29901	GT: *Loosens collar a bit.*
29902	GG: As for this Strider business, hrmmm. He's an elusive guy Jake. You know that.
29903	GG: I talked to him yesterday. That's as much help as I can be!
29904	GT: Shoot.
29905	GT: I really need to ask him something but hes got his blasted auto responder turned on.
29906	GG: Hoo hoo.
29907	GG: I love that thing. :B
29908	GT: He wouldnt be pleased to hear you say that.
29909	GG: What do you need with him?
29910	GG: Does this have to do with your crazy pen pal project?
29911	GT: It most certainly does and time is of the essence!
29912	GT: Today is the day i have to finish it and send it. Not a day later!
29913	GT: So you see why i am feeling really friggin discombobulated at the moment.
29914	GG: Sorry, J. :(
29915	GG: This would be the birthday present... for your grandmother?
29916	GT: No!
29917	GT: It is for your grandfather simply to be *relayed* to him by my grandmother. A joint gift to him from she and i.
29918	GG: Her and me.
29919	GT: What? Who and you now?
29920	GG: "A joint gift from her and me." Grammar, Jake!
29921	GT: Oh for frigs flipping sake jane this is no time for your prudish pedantry! Leave your bookish malarkey in a dusty old library somewhere. I have an adventure to get on with!
29922	GG: So if I have this straight, the big thing hogging up your plate today is not this marvelous new game which I have invited you to play with me, but finishing a robotic rabbit to give to my dead poppop?
29923	GT: Bingo. *double pistols and a wink*
29924	GG: You are a very strange and silly boy.
29925	GT: Please jane we have addressed this.
29926	GT: I am sending the gift back in time to when they are both alive and about our age.
29927	GT: Or...
29928	GT: Something like that. Something funny is going on here that i have not fully grappled yet but dag nab it if im not gonna see it through.
29929	GG: Well,
29930	GG: Godspeed, then! I do hope you can pull it off.
29931	GT: Are you being fresh with me now?
29932	GG: No!!
29933	GT: Look jane i know youve never believed me and you think everything i say is some big cockamamie goofoff but i think today of all days is when you should start taking some things more seriously.
29934	GT: Especially since i have always had your back. I have always believed in you!
29935	GG: Hey! I have believed in you too.
29936	GG: However, believing somebody isn't the same thing as believing IN somebody.
29937	GG: But that much said...
29938	GG: I think that maybe I am getting ready to believe some of the wild stories I've heard?
29939	GG: Or, if not believe outright, reserve judgment on, at least.
29940	GT: Is that so!
29941	GG: I don't know!
29942	GG: I'm still not sure what to think. But what I wanted to tell you this morning was...
29943	GG: I had a really wild dream last night.
29944	GG: And you were in it.
29945	GT: Oh my. *glasses fog up. fumbles for kerchief.*
29946	GG: Sh! Not like that.
29947	GG: It was so real! I think we were in the game, even though we haven't started playing yet.
29948	GG: I don't know what to make of it. Whether it was a vision of the future, or somewhere that exists now, or if it was just a really lucid dream due to excitement.
29949	GT: What was i doing there?
29950	GG: Um...
29951	GG: Not a heck of a lot!
29952	GG: I really want to tell you all about it, but it will take some time to explain, and we both have things to attend to.
29953	GG: You with your time traveling rabbitwork, and I, my vigilant window gazing!
29954	GT: Too true.
29955	GT: Let us reconvene later and sort out all this shit at a leisurely pace.
29956	GG: Yes, ok, good luck Jake!
29957	GT: Okay you too jane! Bye!
29958	You are curious about Jane's dream. Sounds like it almost certainly has to do with your imminent adventure. You'll have to remember to get the scoop on that a little later. For now, you have other worries that need your focus.
29959	You have to go downstairs to check something out. You are pretty sure you know what you're going to find though.
29960	You almost trip on the vine creeping up the stairs. Stupid vine. It's too bad your grandma's dead. She always had a way with keeping the flora in check.
29961	Yeah, just like you thought. Empty. The thing is out there somewhere. Waiting for you. Oh god.
29962	...
29963	Speak of the devil fucking dickens.
29964	TT: Hey, it's me.
29965	GT: Oh hey!
29966	TT: The auto-responder, I mean.
29967	GT: Dammit!
29968	GT: What is it now?
29969	TT: I'm just wondering,
29970	TT: If you still have your stupid old-fangled knickers in a twist.
29971	TT: Because that's the sort of thing you would say.
29972	GT: In regard to what exactly?
29973	TT: To my proposal. Well, our proposal.
29974	GT: Whose proposal now? Man what are you even prattling about.
29975	TT: Mine and DS's. It's a joint proposal. I'm always authorized to speak on his behalf, because I'm basically fucking him.
29976	TT: And try not to take those last four words as a clustered literal sentiment. That would be lame and unfunny.
29977	GT: You mean making the rabbit for me?
29978	TT: No, I know you don't want that.
29979	TT: I meant my recommendation for how to go about procuring a new supply of uranium.
29980	TT: Operation U-235 Brocurement. Codename: Big Man Hass the Rock.
29981	GT: Oh yeah.
29982	GT: Well ive thought about it.
29983	GT: Even went downstairs to check the great vaulty doodad.
29984	GT: And predictably the infernal contraption is nowhere to be found.
29985	TT: Well yeah, Jake.
29986	TT: That's sort of the point.
29987	TT: Thrill of the hunt and all.
29988	TT: I thought you liked to manicure the image of a dude who shits his pants over a good adventure.
29989	GT: I do!
29990	GT: I mean i wouldnt put it in a way like that or come out against a solid policy of clean trousers. But yes adventure is awesome.
29991	GT: I just prefer the idea of adventures which i can actually win.
29992	TT: It seems you are conflating adventure with bodies necessarily governed by the result of victory or defeat.
29993	TT: Any useless fuckwit knows it's all about the journey.
29994	GT: Well...
29995	GT: I dunno.
29996	TT: It seems there is a 76.10395784% chance you are pussying out on me. Are you pussying out on me, Jake?
29997	GT: It seems it seems it seems!!!
29998	GT: It seems there is a million percent chance that you say it seems way too much and do it just to sound more like a lame robot from a movie and also probably just to piss me off!
29999	GT: And it seems there is a BILLION POINT BILLION percent chance that youre a shitty stubborn jerk of a program who wont listen to reason and that if theres even a 1% chance my REAL LIFE FRIEND would be cool and help me out here then i think i LIKE THOSE FREAKIN ODDS!!!!!
30000	TT: It...
30001	TT: Appears
30002	TT: That you are upset.
30003	TT: The auto-responder observed in the least artificially infuriating way possible.
30004	TT: Have you ever stopped to think that while I may be bound to processes inside the glasses of a real and incredibly cool guy, my algorithms in cognitive totality comprise a conscious entity not far short of the experiential and emotional complexity of a human being?
30005	GT: Oh malarkey.
30006	GT: YOU ARE A TIN CAN. ROBOTS DONT HAVE FEELINGS.
30007	TT: I think you knowingly confuse the field of robotics and artificial intelligence to engender some sort of cavalier attitude about technology that a rough-and-tumble guy who's all about brawling and fisticuffs would probably have, and if this is cultivated to a humorous effect then I commend you.
30008	TT: But you're wrong.
30009	TT: I do have feelings. And you're shitting on them.
30010	TT: It sucks.
30011	GT: Oh.
30012	GT: Um.
30013	GT: Im sorry then if thats the case.
30014	TT: No problem.
30015	GT: It can just be difficult to drum up sympathy for a program that presents itself as an impostor so often.
30016	GT: Maybe if you werent so ready to insist you were the genuine article all the time? Or didnt make it so confusing for me...
30017	GT: I think it would be best if we henceforth treated you as a totally distinct... uh... THING from my buddy.
30018	GT: And then i could respect your emotional robofeelings and you could respect that sometimes maybe i just want to talk to my bro without a lot of spurious hijinks.
30019	GT: Can we agree to this?
30020	TT: Is this a counterproposal?
30021	GT: Uh to what?
30022	TT: To my earlier proposal.
30023	GT: Oh.
30024	GT: Yeah fine i guess.
30025	GT: Man where IS he anyway???
30026	GT: Is he taking one of his legendary infinite showers?
30027	TT: What can I say.
30028	TT: Dude fancies his ablutions.
30029	GT: Frig ok.
30030	GT: Whatever i guess its time to prepare for the thrill of the hunt!
30031	TT: Fuck yes.
30032	GT: Sigh...
30033	GT: But seriously that brobot has been the bane of my existence ever since you sent it.
30034	TT: I didn't send it. I sent the parts.
30035	TT: Or, correction, DS sent them.
30036	TT: You then assembled it. You were therefore complicit in your own spectacular, daily humiliations.
30037	GT: Yeah whatever.
30038	TT: You wanted somebody to wrestle with. DS was being a kickass bro if you ask me.
30039	GT: I didn't expect it to be nigh impossible to spar with!!!
30040	TT: You know damn well there are adjustable difficulty settings.
30041	TT: I have always recommending setting it to Novice, as has DS.
30042	GT: Yes.
30043	GT: I know.
30044	GT: Ive tried that.
30045	TT: Yeah?
30046	GT: Its just...
30047	GT: Well...
30048	GT: When hes pulling punches...
30049	GT: And taking it all easy and such...
30050	GT: And we start wrestling up a storm and whatnot...
30051	GT: Umm.
30052	TT: What.
30053	GT: Its just that the whole proceeding seems to become...
30054	GT: A bit tender for my liking.
30055	TT: I don't understand.
30056	TT: Isn't that what you want from a Novice setting?
30057	TT: Sparring with minimal discomfort?
30058	GT: No i know.
30059	GT: Its all fine and dandy martially speaking.
30060	GT: Just the way he...
30061	GT: Sort of...
30062	GT: Man its so awkward trying to convey this just never mind.
30063	TT: No, I think I get it.
30064	TT: You're saying you were somehow dissatisfied within the presence of my robotic avatar's personal space.
30065	TT: Was there an odor problem? Was the metal too hot to the touch?
30066	TT: Help me out.
30067	GT: No no.
30068	GT: Really never mind!
30069	TT: This is bullshit, Jake.
30070	TT: We had a pact. You were gonna tiptoe all the fuck around my brittle feelings. Totally mind the shit out of those eggshell riddled motherfuckers.
30071	GT: Oh come on dude.
30072	TT: What does the guy have to do, Jake?
30073	TT: You want to wrestle. He's fucking game. Just a man, a machine, a secluded tropical island. Sounds like you died and went to fucking heaven, if you ask me.
30074	TT: Seriously, what does this simple, loyal brobot have to do to prove his worth to you?
30075	TT: What does he have to do to make you at ease with the alkaline sting of his gentle robogrope? I really want to know.
30076	TT: Maybe he should just rip his heart out of his chest and pound it into green gravel there in the jungle with his hella strong robot arm.
30077	TT: Invoke_Onomatopoeia(Pound * some ridiculously precise value retrieved at astonishing speed from my rad neural net);
30078	TT: Check it out, little green rocks all over the goddamn place. More than you could ever hope to cram in a shoddy metal rabbit, or any other pliable orifice which might be convenient.
30079	TT: Because clearly its up to a soulless droid to feel emotions for the both of us, you callous, corporeal carbon ape, all trotting around with your fancy fuckin' DNA and shit.
30080	GT: ...
30081	GT: But gosh does your prose ever make a fella feel uncomfortable.
30082	TT: Brose.
30083	GT: Oh right. My mistake.
30084	TT: You know what, I've just decided.
30085	TT: If the brobot's Novice setting makes you uneasy, I'm going to disable it remotely.
30086	TT: Done.
30087	TT: Now you got nothing to worry about.
30088	GT: Awww maaaan!
30089	GT: But now hell be impossible!
30090	TT: Happy hunting, Jake.
30091	GT: Fuckin.......
30092	GT: SHUCKS buster. :(
30093	Ok if he wants happy hunting you will GIVE him happy hunting. HAPPILY.
30094	You make a careful motion with a tentative shoe toward the EGRESS CASE, when suddenly THAT DARNED WILD CHARACTER-SELECT SCREEN ACCOSTS YOU BENIGNLY WITHOUT NOTICE!!!
30095	You still can't pick a shadowy guy. But maybe you haven't been the other girl yet? Better click her.
30096	But if you've been her already, there's really no point to this thing anymore. Time to move on.
30097	You are suddenly Jane again. Or, you suddenly keep being Jane. Who can say for sure???
30098	Hopefully your dad is still out back washing the car. Ideally this is one of his legendary infinite car washes. What can you say? Dad fancies his automotive ablutions.
30099	While he is preoccupied, you should be able to sneak downstairs and grab the mail undetected. The perfect crime? You bet.
30100	You slip the HALLWAY CERA a furtive wink for good luck.
30101	Just one of your dad's bland HALLWAY DOUCHEBAGS. Another example of his cornball dad tastes, which make you roll your eyes and shrug. Still, it's preferable to how it used to be.
30102	Years ago he would work really hard to mimic your interests throughout the household. Gaudy paintings of sitcom legends covering the walls, hideous detective figurines littered everywhere. You think it's better that he embrace his own interests rather than try to pander to yours. It felt a bit forced, and your early teen years were filled with daily rounds of familial STRIFE. Not so much anymore. Now whenever there is a father-daughter disagreement, you settle things in an adult fashion by being honest about your feelings and talking it through, and also by sneaking around the house in silly disguises.
30103	There's a familiar face. A friendly face. Old poppop Crocker, smiling from beyond. Your dad sure misses him. He doesn't like to talk about the day he died. Some incident involving a tall bookshelf, a ladder, and a mysterious young woman in a suspicious looking hat. You have often fantasized about putting on your dirty old fedora and your Frenchest looking mustache to go tracking down this felonious broad and bring her to justice. But your dad always says best to let sleeping dogs lie.
30104	There's some other plucky looking tool there next to him. Dunno who that guy is.
30105	Another hard boiled Anderson. Even though your dad isn't overbearing with all the detective nonsense anymore, he decided to leave this one here for old time's sake. It brings back memories of his very short-lived stint as a private eye. It turns out the police aren't as grateful as you'd think when ordinary citizens go around roughing up a lot of crooks.
30106	You were afraid this might be the case. Your dad has blocked the front door with the REFRIGERATOR. Looks like he's taking the grounding seriously this time.
30107	He padlocked the windows too. You'd bet boonbucks to donuts the back door is blocked too, probably with the safe from the study or something. The man means business this time.
30108	You aren't about to go smashing glass and making a ruckus though. You'll need a solution involving more stealth. You guess you have a plan in mind as a last resort, but you'd rather it not come to that.
30109	You figure a little wisdom from your elder couldn't hurt.
30110	It practically went without saying your dad keeps poppop stuffed and mounted in front of the fireplace, as is the family tradition. Poppop grew up with his legendary humorist grandfather stuffed in front of the fireplace, and so did his grandfather. This was stipulated firmly in the will, at the end of a long list of joke stipulations. (Dad knew this was a real stipulation though.)
30111	You always did find it a little macabre though, trying to watch tv and eat dinner on the couch with a dead old man standing about five feet away. You'd honestly prefer he not be kept here in the living room. Sometimes you tell dad you really want poppop in the attic. He says the mere fact you call it that tells him you're not ready.
30112	What's that, poppop? It seems he's concerned that you may not be properly equipped.
30113	You prove to him that you indeed had no intention of leaving the house without your trusty joke book.
30114	YES, I am going out with this book! No, I will not go get an unabridged copy! No, I will not take yours! I can hardly even lift it! Oh, that is so preposterous. Do you even hear what you're saying? I will be fine! This is a perfectly funny book and it contains many incredibly funny jokes! Oh, will you just stop it. I am going now. Good day!!!
30115	>:B!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
30116	You just remembered something your alien friend said about the big old book downstairs, and trusting words written by your own hand. What the heck did she mean by that?
30117	Uh, whoops. Sorry, poppop.
30118	Better pick that up. You'll try to repair it later before dad sees it and blows a gasket.
30119	Is your friend suggesting that you were the one who wrote this inscription? You find that idea a bit hard to swallow. Still, your friends are always babbling about time travel...
30120	You always thought this inscription was written to your poppop by his nanna, who was your great great grandmother, founder of the corporation you'll inherit in a few years. The message has always been a fascinating mystery to you, and probably was to him as well. From the way it's written, it seems it was intended for him to receive after her death. She talks about a journey he is supposedly meant to go on. You wonder if that adventure ever took place, or if the note was just one last jape by an old woman from a proud family of pranksters? She goes on about many fantastical sounding things he supposedly would have found on this journey, like agents, exiles, underlings, denizens, and heirs of breath and seers of light and stuff like that. Wait... didn't your friend mention those too?
30121	In any case, this message to poppop from his sweet old nanna is the best evidence you have to dispute all this evil batterwitch nonsense. She clearly cared for her grandson very much, and would never start a company responsible for the things it's accused of, let alone be alive today to perpetrate them. But then, what if she wasn't the one who wrote it? This thought makes you very nervous.
30122	You suddenly remember your dream. What did it mean? You should talk to Jake about all this.
30123	GG: J, how goes the bunnyquest?
30124	GT: Ive barely even begun!
30125	GG: Tell me about it.
30126	GT: Youre off to a sluggish start then too i gather?
30127	GG: Dad has the whole house in full fatherly lockdown mode. Talk about blowing a few measly "assassination attempts" way out of proportion!
30128	GG: So I'm currently mulling over my next move.
30129	GG: What is it that has you hamstrung? Did you ever track down the slippery Mr. Strider?
30130	GT: Not exactly.
30131	GT: His stupid doppelglasses have set me on a wild goose chase to go pry his dumb robots chest open and swipe its uranium.
30132	GG: Sounds dangerous!
30133	GT: No shit.
30134	GT: I think id rather deal with the monsters.
30135	GG: Why is it that our two best friends in the world always seem to place themselves at the source of all our problems, while simultaneously presenting their only solutions?
30136	GT: I know right???
30137	GG: I'm debating whether or not to enlist his help in the matter of my current imprisonment. But I'd rather keep it as a plan of last resort.
30138	GT: Dont do it jane its a trap!!!
30139	GG: We'll see.
30140	GG: So I take it you're out and about now?
30141	GT: Hell no. I spent so much time haggling with those confounded shades im only leaving my room just now.
30142	GG: Right. Well, not to keep you too long, since we both still have our missions ahead of us, but I wanted to tell you about that dream I had.
30143	GT: Oh yeah!
30144	GT: I was curious about that. Tell me everything and make it snappy!
30145	GT: *Whips up bucket of freshly popped corn.*
30146	GG: Hoo. :B
30147	GG: Ok, but, I should say that the nature of the dream was a bit worrisome.
30148	GG: And I'm concerned it may have implications for the game we're about to play.
30149	GG: So it's probably best that I tell you about it before you leave.
30150	GT: Well shoot.
30151	GT: Ok then lay it on me jane.
30152	GG: I woke up on the planet which we have been told about by our mutual acquaintance.
30153	GG: The one covered in golden cities. Prospit, remember?
30154	GT: Oh. Wouldnt it be prospits moon?
30155	GG: Yes, you're right. It was the moon, actually. I could see the planet on the dark horizon.
30156	GG: I was dressed in a golden dress, like a sort of nightgown, and I could fly. I left my bedroom, which was at the top of a tall tower. Surrounding me were the gold cities, just as described.
30157	GG: Behind the skyline was darkness. But just above was a bright blue sky and puffy white clouds.
30158	GT: That was skaia!
30159	GG: Yes, probably.
30160	GG: Are you sure you haven't woken up there before?
30161	GT: Haha i WISH.
30162	GT: I have received reports from jade about this as well. She liked to talk about her dreams on prospits moon a lot.
30163	GG: I see. The impression I have developed is that this is supposed to be a real place, and all who dream there have shared experiences.
30164	GG: Did Jade ever mention seeing us there?
30165	GT: No but why would she? This was long before we were born! She was dreaming there like a hundred years ago or something.
30166	GG: Hrmm. Anyway...
30167	GG: I explored the moon, and began to notice people gathering in the streets.
30168	GG: But they weren't human. They were funny looking, perfectly white creatures.
30169	GT: Yeah those are prospitians.
30170	GT: They have these hard carapace shells and also have something to do with chess i think?
30171	GG: Well, I don't know if they had much to do with chess here.
30172	GG: The more closely I observed, the more they appeared somewhat despondent.
30173	GT: Like...
30174	GT: Sad?
30175	GG: Yes.
30176	GG: I determined they were in mourning, actually.
30177	GT: Hey.
30178	GT: Jane you said i was in this dream. Where do i come in?
30179	GG: Shoosh! I'm getting there.
30180	GG: More and more Prospitians were filing out of the buildings every moment.
30181	GG: They all began to form a single, major procession.
30182	GG: When I got closer, I could see that some were in tears.
30183	GG: I realized this was a funeral.
30184	GG: I heard whispers, but couldn't make out what they were saying, so I got closer.
30185	GG: They were all saying the same thing, over and over.
30186	GG: "The Page is dead."
30187	GG: "Our hope is lost."
30188	GT: The page?
30189	GT: Whos that?
30190	GG: Jake.
30191	GG: The Page was you.
30192	GT: Oh.
30193	GT: Drat.
30194	GT: Are you sure?
30195	GG: Yes, I saw your body lying in a sort of coffin, on a bed of flowers. You were dead as a doornail.
30196	GG: Everyone was so distraught!
30197	GG: Including me. :(
30198	GG: But before I could get too horribly upset, let alone make sense of any of it, I woke up.
30199	GG: I of course immediately wanted to tell you all about, but it was still well before sunrise for you, and you were surely still asleep.
30200	GG: Then as the day went on I guess I became distracted by other things. You know how it is.
30201	GG: I hope I'm not too late to "warn" you, though to be frank I don't have the foggiest clue what it is I'm warning you about.
30202	GG: "Dear Jake, oh please do try not to... have already... died in my dream? Likely while you were sleeping, perhaps peacefully?"
30203	GT: Haha yeah. I see your point.
30204	GG: Still, I think you'll agree that it's to be viewed as a troubling omen.
30205	GG: I care very much for you, and I don't know what I'd do if I lost you both in my dreams, and here in this world.
30206	GG: So for whatever good it does, just please be extra careful out there today!
30207	GT: Roger that janey!
30208	GT: And um same goes for you about being careful what with these various rogues accosting you with foul play lately and whatnot...
30209	GT: Because well i sure do care a lot about you too you know that.
30210	GG: Hooray! Will do. ;B
30211	GG: Now let's get this silly old adventure off to the races before the coat of dust it's growing gets any thicker.
30212	GT: Booyeah!
30213	GT: Ok good luck jane and keep me posted! C ya.
30214	Although these pumpkin vines are amazingly prolific, every morning when you leave your bedroom, you'd swear half the pumpkins vanished over night. It's probably just the FAUNA eating them. Not that it matters, because they keep growing right back.
30215	It wasn't always overgrown like this. When you first discovered the TRANSMATERIALIZER, you started messing around with it haphazardly. You kept appearifying pumpkins from somewhere. It was just pumpkin after pumpkin, until one time a copy of the bunny you inherited from grandma showed up, much less old and tattered of course. All that fooling around was before you realized how precious its fuel would be. Such a waste of good uranium.
30216	You brought all the surplus pumpkins home and left them lying about. Then the seeds sprouted and started growing out of control. You guess that's what happens when you introduce nonindigenous FLORA into the wilderness.
30217	You successfully fail to notice it. Wait notice what? You don't even know what we're talking about here.
30218	But it doesn't matter for now because suddenly a wild chum assails you with banter!!!
30219	TG: holy shit jaaaje
30220	TG: lol *k
30221	GT: Heh heh.
30222	GT: Howdy!
30223	GT: What is all this commotion about?
30224	TG: nothin
30225	TG: just your basic run o the mill holy shit
30226	TG: and also
30227	TG: hi
30228	GT: Ah ok then. Hello it is!
30229	TG: also
30230	TG: want 2 know
30231	TG: what do you want for ur wigglin day
30232	GT: Im not really abreast of the raddest jargon that the cool kids toss about these days.
30233	GT: Maybe because i live alone on an island? I dont know but in any case are you referring to my upcoming birthday?
30234	TG: ys
30235	GT: I see. Very thoughtful of you to consider so early!
30236	GT: I dont wager i could advise with much specificity but i can all but assure you i will find any gesture of yours to be totally capital!
30237	TG: eeaauuuuurghh you are so fuckin adorable
30238	GT: Um... *wrings at kerchief with perspiring mitts*
30239	TG: YOINK nabs kerfief an stops RPing for rest of chat
30240	TG: i was only bringing it up so much in advance because
30241	TG: of the end of the world about to happen and all
30242	TG: and then
30243	TG: i wouldnt get the chance
30244	TG: unless we play this game like a bunch ofsuckers obviously
30245	TG: and all meet up in there and everything
30246	TG: which would toytes kick ass
30247	TG: *totes
30248	TG: but
30249	TG: if you want 2 know what i think..........
30250	GT: Yes?
30251	TG: do ya?
30252	GT: I do want to know what you think!
30253	GT: I always want to know. Because you are always smart and sassy.
30254	TG: best dude ^^^
30255	TG: neway
30256	TG: i really dont think we should
30257	GT: Should what now?
30258	TG: play the game
30259	GT: Why not?
30260	TG: the barnoness wants us to
30261	TG: * baroness
30262	TG: i dont know why
30263	TG: everything i know about it says it should be a good game and real important and itll let us all get togehter and do somethin great and be besf friends for maybe eternity?
30264	TG: but she took all that and twisted it somehow
30265	TG: all i know is shes banking on us doing this and if she needs us to do this than its got to be to make somethin fucking hoorible happen
30266	TG: * horbible
30267	TG: * whore bible
30268	TG: ^ bullseye
30269	GT: Well...
30270	GT: Whore bibles notwithstanding i have it on terrific authority that playing this game will be incredibly important!
30271	GT: So perhaps youre right maybe we are part of her evil plan? But does that also necessarily rule out that good will come of it?
30272	TG: i guess not
30273	TG: i just have a bad feelin
30274	TG: maybay im just like this nutty ass bitsh twirling yarn from a shitwizards nappy brown beard but i cant bring myself to trust a cake sellin genocidal alien overlard sea queen
30275	TG: * overl...
30276	TG: n/m that santence chx out
30277	GT: Agreed. :D
30278	TG: so what is the itinerary again
30279	GT: Intinerwhosit?
30280	TG: regarding the game
30281	TG: whosplaying in what order etc
30282	GT: Oh. Is there such an itinerary?
30283	TG: yeah i think so i think its going like
30284	TG: i start with jane and bring her in the session
30285	TG: then ds brings me in and you bring him in and them jane does you and closes the loop
30286	GT: Where are you getting this intel? Did you guys make a plan or something?
30287	TG: nah dont wory about it
30288	TG: do you want me to set u up w the files now
30289	GT: Ooh, these illicit hacked warez which i heartell were recently jimmied piping hot off the interclouds?
30290	TG: ahahah i love that you were barely even joking with that statement bup yeah basically
30291	GT: The silicon pickpocket strikes again!!! Whom is the wiser? Nobody.
30292	TG: ffffffffff <3
30293	TG: k ill send it but
30294	GT: Yeah?
30295	TG: jake
30296	GT: What?
30297	TG: jjjjjaaake
30298	GT: !!!!!?
30299	TG: youre wearin one of ur dumb computers now arent you
30300	GT: Uh...
30301	TG: you are all thinktyping at me right now while wearing something rudiculous
30302	TG: * RUDEdiculous (hi five 2 self)
30303	GT: Hogswallop! Why would you even think that?
30304	GT: Thats so stupid.
30305	TG: im not letting either of you run this file on your shitty brainwashy propaganda helmets or anything else u got to wear to run
30306	TG: tis my one condition
30307	GT: Fair enough. When i get back from my errand ill situate myself at the trusty old husktop. Acceptable?
30308	TG: ys
30309	GT: Then you have decided to play in spite of your reservations?
30310	TG: i dunno i guess
30311	GT: Bravo!
30312	TG: dont all bravo @ me man youre just bravoing a big ass shrug
30313	TG: i mean maybe
30314	TG: i have every reason to want to play it
30315	TG: im actually dying to play it ok
30316	TG: i mean
30317	TG: you believe me right
30318	TG: about the bad shit that could hapen
30319	GT: Of course i do.
30320	GT: What sort of friend would i be if not?
30321	TG: ok well
30322	TG: dont say that to jabe
30323	TG: *n
30324	GT: She has her ways. I believe they are not incongruous with those of an intelligent and discerning young woman.
30325	TG: ahh CHRIST waht a geneltman
30326	TG: *fixfix
30327	TG: i mean god daaaaaaaaamn
30328	GT: Heh. I guess.
30329	TG: but thats the thing with you
30330	TG: you belvieve in people and also the things they tell you
30331	TG: jane never believed my crap
30332	TG: never any of my warnings about the baroness
30333	TG: didnt believe any of the stuff about my mom
30334	TG: and so on and so on and soon
30335	TG: til after awhile i just stopped even trying to convince her hard or bring up any crazy shit
30336	TG: because u know doing a lot of songs and dances to convince somebody who thinks youre jush shitting them all the time kind of wears on a friendship
30337	TG: and who even needs that
30338	TG: but you believe in stuff
30339	TG: probbly because the more crazy fake shit you believe in the more open the world gets and the more chance there is for adventures being real right
30340	GT: Right o! If a man believes hard enough in imaginary things then i dare say that makes them slightly less fake!
30341	TG: yeah
30342	TG: exaxly what im talkin about
30343	TG: *exsexily *wonk
30344	TG: *wink
30345	TG: its one of those things jane likes about u so much
30346	GT: It is?
30347	TG: which
30348	TG: errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr im not supposed to talk about 2 u evr so nm
30349	GT: Talk about what?
30350	TG: nope
30351	GT: You mean how um...
30352	GT: Well a way in which i suppose...
30353	TG: no nope
30354	GT: Jane is prone to looking upon me with what i fathom to be more than just friendly affection?
30355	TG: nope nope nope nope nope nope
30356	TG: hey look who didnt say nothin about that why it is this silly fuckin drunk girl over here
30357	GT: Its a tricky issue. And you know i adore jane and please dont think i havent given some thought to...
30358	GT: Well that angle on our relationship i guess.
30359	TG: ooof jake jake no please
30360	TG: this is a conversation that cant happen cause i started it and i blew it by saying stuff so u have to foroget it
30361	TG: * 4get it
30362	GT: Oh. Yeah i can see the dilemma this causes for your friendship with her.
30363	GT: Ill drop it.
30364	TG: whew
30365	TG: ok ont this topic
30366	TG: i am now an forever
30367	TG: miss zupperlips
30368	TG: * zupperlups
30369	TG: * ziperlups
30370	TG: sjkhfskjf
30371	TG: * MISS ZUIPPERPIPS
30372	TG: fuck
30373	TG: k this is me 4 futref
30374	TG: ZIIIIIIIP
30375	TG: ^+++++++^
30376	GT: Haha oh my.
30377	GT: Nothing is escaping that lovely ladys whistlemaker! Its shut tight as a drum!!
30378	TG: mmmmrrmmmnnmmm
30379	GT: Whoa wait i hope that didnt sound dirty...
30380	TG: mrrmmrmmnnnmnmnmnmrnrmrnmmmm!!!!!!
30381	GT: Ok but may i say this?
30382	TG: mrm?
30383	GT: If in the future i would like to bring up certain topics completely unsolicited by one who may be sworn to secrecy on those very matters...
30384	GT: And im in need of i guess neutral and totally non compromising advice from a friend do you think that miss zuipperpips might unseal those scandalous metal choppers for a bit?
30385	GT: Fuck that also sounded kinda dirty!!! God dammit.
30386	TG: rm
30387	TG: unzip yeah of course
30388	TG: im totals your bee eff effsy jake
30389	TG: i am like
30390	TG: AT PEACE with that reality fromerly known as a raw fuckin deal for what avenues it closes betewen u and i that bein your bffsy has got to mean but yeah
30391	GT: Wait what?
30392	TG: i am just chill as fuck about being a pale friend to all varieties of cute and eligible as hell peeps
30393	TG: do you see my shoulder and how it says hey friend plz deposit tears here?
30394	TG: that is a LEGIT invite and is like sincere as fuckin BANANAS
30395	GT: Oh. Im sure it is but i dunno how much crying im going to be doing...
30396	GT: Probably none i think.
30397	TG: no i know im just saying
30398	TG: that
30399	TG: ok im now spinning my wheels like a motherfucker but yeah the answer is yes
30400	GT: Great!
30401	TG: and not that im back pebbling but what about your best bro
30402	TG: dont you get 2 talkin to him about girl troubles ever
30403	GT: Yeaaaah...
30404	GT: Well.
30405	GT: Like i said the whole thing is complicated. Best not to get into it all until im ready to you know...
30406	GT: Really start manhandling these bushel loads of prickly pears.
30407	TG: prinkly pears
30408	GT: The pears being the tricky subjects in question.
30409	GT: Metaphorically.
30410	TG: riiiight
30411	TG: snickrz
30412	TG: poor jake
30413	TG: up to his neck in
30414	TG: all the wopes
30415	TG: * woes
30416	GT: Nah its cool.
30417	TG: speaking of which
30418	TG: i heard hes making u track down his roboself
30419	TG: to kill it or something for uranimum
30420	GT: Sigh...
30421	TG: and
30422	TG: the AR disabled the novice setting???
30423	GT: Yes.
30424	TG: hahahahahahhahahahshshshjsjsj
30425	TG: *hahaha
30426	TG: u r so fucked
30427	GT: Oh most certainly.
30428	GT: I was actually just getting all of my final affairs in order when you messaged me.
30429	GT: I was to bequeath to you all my WAB posters.
30430	TG: wab wut
30431	GT: Weekend at bernies dammit!!!!!!
30432	TG: oh fuck yeay
30433	TG: im always in need of something to put under my cats shit box
30434	GT: :(
30435	TG: ok tell you what
30436	TG: as an early wigglin day thing u know what ill do
30437	GT: I still dont really get the wiggling thing but no what?
30438	TG: ill enable the brobots novice setting again for you
30439	GT: Wow...
30440	GT: Thanks i think???
30441	TG: but that dont count as the whole thing ill think of something better too
30442	TG: 4 now peace o jake & gl on your robroquest heheheh
30443	It is time to get DEAD SERIOUS about hunting down a robot that looks exactly like your best friend, destroy it with your guns somehow, and steal its uranimum. (* uranium)
30444	But then the thing behind you that you were oblivious to starts grumbling.
30445	You totally forgot about the FRIGHTENING FAUNA on this island, and its regrettable REALNESS ATTRIBUTE.
30446	You leap into the tropical island fray in an attempt to violently pacify the gigantic Earth crabdad. What is he even doing here? The question doesn't even occur to you. The island has been crawling with these things for as long as you can remember.
30447	You glance at the crudely rendered battle, direct your browser to the HOMESTUCK BANDCAMP PAGE, and browse for suitable battle music. Oh god, there are so many songs. Which one would be a good fit for this duel? Wait, yes, there's one. That's perfect. You hit play, close your eyes, and become lost in visions of gnashing crustacean carapace, smoking M9 casings, and Jake doing that thing where he flies through the air shooting two guns at once. Yes, so awesome.
30448	You do the thing where you fly through the air shooting two guns at once. That thing isn't even that big of a deal for you. You do that thing practically every day on hellmurder island.
30449	Your furious salvo of deadly bullets scares the FRIGHTENING FAUNA off into the jungle, REALNESS ATTRIBUTE and all.
30450	Another triumph for adventure. Time to blow the smoke off your berettas and saunter off into the... whoa not so fast! Behind you, Jake!!!
30451	AH HA. GOT YOU YOU SON OF A, SHIT, WAIT.
30452	Oh nooo.
30453	It was only one of those sweet little fairy bulls. You just murdered him inappropriately with your multi-bullet device.
30454	You love those little fairy bulls. You feel just awful.
30455	You have waited around long enough. Dad's legendary car wash won't last forever, and the day isn't getting any younger.
30456	You pack up poppop's book and bust out your trusty HOMING DEVICE.
30457	Here goes nothing.
30458	God he is such a little troublemaker.
30459	Hopefully he will mind his manners today.
30460	Looks like the centaur herd is out in full force today. You have to be careful about walking under them. There are extreme hazards involved, such as the threat of falling manure, or milk.
30461	There are the ruins you'll be making your way toward once you've got the uranium.
30462	Still need to locate that enigmatic brobot. He's out there, somewhere. Just watching. You can feel it.
30463	Can't let your guard down for a second, or you'll get served like a dude on butler island.
30464	Uh oh. Something's coming up.
30465	Not the encounter you were hoping for today.
30466	These things don't back down.
30467	Poor poppop's severed head got nicked by the FIREPLACE POKER. He's going to need a lot of work this time. Over the years, your dad has spent thousands of dollars on repairs. Oh well, how much more grounded can you get than you already are?
30468	You stick the poker down his neck hole and jam the head back on the spike as a temporary measure. That looks somewhat more respectable you guess.
30469	Looks like the troublemaker's father is calling.
30470	TT: Why have you activated dear, sweet Huggy Bear.
30471	TT: Are you in danger?
30472	GG: Oh, no.
30473	GG: I'm just trying to leave my house!
30474	GG: Is this the real you, btw?
30475	TT: Yeah, it's me.
30476	TT: I disabled the AR for now.
30477	GG: Ok. Just making sure!
30478	GG: Jake was having some issues with it earlier, and I don't think he received its obfuscating tendencies in the humorous spirit intended.
30479	TT: Yes, I'm catching up with the situation now.
30480	GG: Oh, so you're talking to Jake then?
30481	TT: Nah. Just reading their chat logs.
30482	TT: Man, what the fuck?
30483	TT: I can't leave these two alone for a minute. Can a guy get his ablutions on in fucking peace?
30484	GG: :B
30485	GG: Was it that bad?
30486	TT: Not really.
30487	TT: The responder doesn't much distort my position on things usually.
30488	TT: Its demeanor leaves something desired though. I'd prefer it didn't make such aggressive and repeated claims of fidelity to my persona.
30489	TT: Be misrepresentin' hells of key subtleties, yo.
30490	GG: Why not just turn it off then?
30491	TT: Keeps them both on their toes.
30492	GG: Who?
30493	TT: Jake and the responder.
30494	TT: Jake needs to be more skeptical. Rather than take a Pollyanna jackknife ass-first off whatever turnip truck is blowing through town that day, he's got to apply more critical reasoning to shit.
30495	TT: I keep telling him.
30496	TT: I keep telling him, dude, you got to be more like Jane.
30497	GG: These lectures I presume are roughly similar in complexion to those I'm familiar with?
30498	GG: Those wherein I have, and I quote, "got to be more like Jake?"
30499	TT: Yes, exactly.
30500	TT: You're finally fucking getting it.
30501	GG: I sincerely doubt that I am!
30502	TT: Said the stubborn skeptic, skeptically.
30503	GG: Let's not talk about my "issues" again, shalln't we?
30504	TT: Shalln't?
30505	TT: That ain't a thing to say, even for you.
30506	GG: Shush!
30507	GG: The word shalln't escape my vocabulary any longer, just as you SHALLN'T nitpick my language! That's my turf you're on, buster.
30508	TT: Alright. Kinda don't care.
30509	GG: What were you saying?
30510	TT: About what? Jake?
30511	GG: About leaving the responder on!
30512	TT: Yeah.
30513	TT: Anyway, I kind of owe it to him to let the program run as often as possible.
30514	GG: Jake?
30515	TT: No.
30516	TT: The responder.
30517	TT: It is a fully cognitive, self-aware entity I am responsible for, not even to mention an approximate cerebral duplicate of myself.
30518	TT: You don't just make a clone of yourself to live in a dead end existence where it has no chance to thrive as an individual or surpass its limitations.
30519	TT: That'd be sick.
30520	GG: True.
30521	TT: Also.
30522	TT: The more the software runs, the broader and more detailed its experiential canopy becomes. Makes for a better dialogic partner.
30523	GG: Dialogic?
30524	GG: Are you saying you have conversations with your own auto-responder?
30525	TT: Of course.
30526	TT: Why do you think I made the thing?
30527	GG: Hrm, that's interesting.
30528	GG: I guess I always thought it was just a really elaborate gag!
30529	TT: It's that too.
30530	GG: Sometimes your sense of humor seems more impenetrably advanced than your robotics. I'll never understand this tapestry of irony you weave.
30531	GG: Maybe I'm just stuck in the dark ages of pranksterism with my funny mustaches corny old joke book.
30532	TT: Yes, you are. But that's fine.
30533	TT: We come from different traditions. Someone needs to keep that racist southern asshole's legacy alive.
30534	TT: There's dignity in taking up the work of our familial predecessors, even if what they did was insanely fucking stupid.
30535	GG: Is that a note of bitterness directed at your superstar brother I am detecting?
30536	TT: No way. He's awesome.
30537	TT: I've told you, I don't begrudge any of his success.
30538	TT: I've also told you he isn't my real bro even though I call him that. We're related through an esoteric process of genetic reamalgamation.
30539	GG: Oh lordy. Yes, yes, I know. I don't need another ironic lesson in science fiction!
30540	TT: Alright. My lessons are rad as fuck, but suit yourself.
30541	TT: The point is, obviously his satirical methods have flaws, and whatever tempered brand of hero worship I might be practicing isn't keeping me from seeing that.
30542	GG: Flaws?? Talk about understatement. Those movies are unwatchable.
30543	GG: Unless your name is Jake English.
30544	TT: Yes, spectacularly so. But they will have profound historical significance. Mark my words.
30545	TT: And flaws aside, it's a legacy I'm proud to inherit. My duty isn't to appropriate his methods with absolute loyalty, but to apply reason and improve upon them. To leave my own mark.
30546	TT: To perfect the art of irony.
30547	TT: It's just like what you're doing with the work of your ancestor. You are striving to perfect his hokey vaudeville bullshit, or something.
30548	TT: You seek the Zen of a pie to the face. The Tao of falling the fuck down.
30549	GG: Ermm...
30550	GG: If you say so!
30551	GG: I dunno. Call me a simpleton, but I just like funny jokes.
30552	TT: Can't fool me. You take your shit as serious as I do.
30553	TT: And if I wasn't serious about it, I wouldn't have made you that rabbit. Then where the hell would you be?
30554	GG: Well, aside from thousands of dollars in corpse-repair richer, I can't say.
30555	TT: Has he been sleeping in the old man hollow again? Shit, that's adorable.
30556	GG: I can think of cuter places for him to sleep, frankly!
30557	TT: Yeah, bullshit.
30558	TT: He's just being instinctive. In the wild, he would gut a carcass and sleep inside for warmth, as well as to secure tactical advantage for ambushing would-be scavengers.
30559	GG: Oh, please.
30560	GG: Anyway, property damage and desecration to cherished elders aside, Mr. Bear has been a lovely addition to the family.
30561	TT: You haven't renamed him yet?
30562	GG: Oh... no.
30563	GG: I keep forgetting I'm supposed to!
30564	TT: You've got to fucking rename him. Or change him to a girl if you want. That was important.
30565	TT: When pets change owners they get new names. Fact.
30566	GG: Sorry.
30567	GG: I will name him right now!
30568	GG: How about Lil' Sebastian?
30569	TT: Fuck if that isn't the best name a thing could get.
30570	GG: Yeah!!!
30571	GG: So then, are you saying Mr. Sebastian here was an ironic present?
30572	GG: Relayed strictly for guffaws?? >:B
30573	TT: Yes, but it's not that simple. There were many layers involved.
30574	TT: Some of them are literal layers, of metal and plush.
30575	GG: Huh?
30576	TT: There's a real stuffed rabbit beneath its exoskeleton.
30577	GG: What! Really? :O
30578	TT: Yeah.
30579	TT: It belonged to my bro.
30580	GG: I thought you said you didn't have such an heirloom to complete the plushie trifecta?
30581	TT: I didn't. He didn't give it to me, and never intended to bequeath it.
30582	TT: I stole it.
30583	GG: Ooh. Risky!
30584	TT: Nah. I got a little help from RL and ganked it out of his museum.
30585	TT: It's this whole "priceless" collection of stupid shit from movies, defended like Fort Knox. Ironically of course.
30586	GG: So it's from a movie?
30587	TT: Ever hear of Con Air?
30588	GG: Nope.
30589	GG: Wait...
30590	GG: Wasn't that some bit of action schlock from the 90's?
30591	TT: Yes.
30592	GG: Some of the silly nonsense referenced in his work was well before my time. I don't have the wherewithal to investigate all this minutia.
30593	TT: Yeah, it doesn't matter really. But it was from that. Dude weirdly obsessed over that shit movie for years, among others.
30594	TT: Know those signature shades you see him wearing on magazine covers and stuff? Another prop. A gift from Stiller himself, I believe.
30595	GG: That does sound a tad obsessive. Wasn't he furious about your burglary?
30596	TT: Pretty sure he didn't even notice. In years since, I never saw a news story about a "daring heist" or anything. I feel like he would have made some hay outta that.
30597	TT: And if he did know, he'd probably just want to give me a stoic fist bump or something.
30598	GG: Why didn't you mention this when you gave the gift? More irony?
30599	TT: Essentially. It's not that easy to explain.
30600	TT: Broadcasting the gesture would have made it seem tawdry, and would somewhat defray its humor value.
30601	GG: I see. So it was like a private joke, and if anyone besides you was in on it, the joke would be ruined!
30602	TT: Like I said, there are layers.
30603	TT: On one level, I gave you a filthy tattered piece of shit, albeit of tremendous cultural significance, manhandled by some old B movie actors, now candy coated to function as a highly practical defender droid for your personal protection.
30604	TT: On another level, I needed to incorporate something passable as a real heirloom.
30605	TT: For sentimental reasons.
30606	GG: D'awwwww.
30607	GG: Wait, real sentiment, or ironic sentiment?
30608	GG: Or is there no difference?? Am I missing the point here?
30609	TT: No, it was genuine.
30610	TT: The upper echelons of irony should always include measures of sincerity. And if the satirical practice is executed faithfully it will achieve something bona fide in its own right regardless.
30611	TT: Through an intense commitment bordering on religious devotion to the absolutely inane, absurd, or plain fucking stupid, a very different kind of sincerity begins to materialize. One of reverence to the ridiculous. You begin to "mean it," but what exactly it is you mean is never quite what appears on the surface, and is utterly inaccessible to obtuse and literal minds. That you "mean it" then becomes inseparable from the joke, and additional rich strata of humor may be stripped aggressively from this irreconcilable truth.
30612	GG: This is fascinating, if a wee bit more dissertation than I bargained for this morning.
30613	GG: I have so much to learn. And I am not even saying that "ironically!"
30614	GG: Will you teach me your ways one day, sir? Perhaps an apprenticeship will open?
30615	TT: Oh god, I'd love that.
30616	TT: Consider the position yours for the taking any time. Feel free to approach and kneel before Cal. With my sword and his floppy mitten, you will receive my flashstep anointment shoulder to shoulder, and to shoulder again.
30617	GG: Tempting, but that rain check will have to stay unendorsed for now.
30618	GG: Lil' Seb is beginning to act out, and I must put his fidgetiness to constructive use!
30619	TT: Cool.
30620	TT: Jane, one more thing.
30621	TT: I'm sure you must be aware by now that you'll be the leader of our group, as you will be the first to enter the session.
30622	GG: Um, no?
30623	GG: This is news to me. I never gathered that "team leader" was a thing for this game.
30624	TT: Trust me. It's a thing.
30625	GG: Are you sure? I have my doubts.
30626	GG: I believe as a group we will have the temerity to succeed, without my having to order people around like an insufferable bossypants.
30627	TT: That's why you're our leader, Jane.
30628	GG: Hm?
30629	TT: Optimism through stalwart skepticism is an affect not everyone is plucky enough to be graced with.
30630	GG: That's stupid!
30631	TT: Yeah yeah. I know.
30632	TT: You're not our leader, you're our FRIEND, right?
30633	GG: Precisely!
30634	GG: There is a BIG difference!
30635	TT: And statements like that are also why you're our leader.
30636	TT: But only in name and in spirit. Less so, functionally.
30637	TT: If it puts your mind at ease, I'll be the one pulling the strings here.
30638	GG: Oh yes?
30639	GG: Then this whole affair will be one of D. Strider's grand productions in puppetry?
30640	TT: I will be the unseen hand whose nimble digits are behind every subtle twitch in our session's bulbous foam ass.
30641	TT: At least those gyrations not happening by the volition of its own quivering absorbant proboscis.
30642	TT: If you ever need help, Jane. If you're ever in any trouble at all, let me know. Just say the word.
30643	TT: I'll whip the toggle stick of this ludicrous marionette, cavorting its humongous bottom to intercept your freefall through the abyss.
30644	TT: Snowcone you up in the fluffy crook of its cleft. Don't be alarmed if you're in no hurry to unpry yourself.
30645	TT: For the great jut of this impudent rump has more yield to your touch than you ever dreamt. Remember to catch your breath as it cherishes the imprint of your hand like a memento from a lover gone to war.
30646	TT: There's a lot of give to that ass, you may say.
30647	TT: Might like to settle in. Make myself comfortable. Start a family.
30648	TT: Bounce a coin off that ass, you'll demand of visitors. It's not going anywhere.
30649	TT: Bet that coin'll take a good nap there.
30650	TT: It's a gamble you win every goddamn time.
30651	TT: Yeah.
30652	GG: These lessons we talked about...
30653	GG: They've already begun, haven't they? :o
30654	TT: Jane, soon you'll believe what I've told you.
30655	TT: You'll believe it all.
30656	TT: It's just a shame that believing will take something so coarse as seeing, for a girl as sharp as you.
30657	TT: Critical thought can lead one to accept the unlikely, just as much as dismiss the impossible.
30658	TT: I can help with this too. Would you like me to program a Jane Crocker responder for you?
30659	TT: I only require a simple captcha of your brain.
30660	GG: Holy moly!
30661	GG: Um, thank you, but no.
30662	GG: I'm not ready to get dialogic with my cyberself just yet. My friends keep me busy enough as it is.
30663	GG: Speaking of which, I really need to go. I know you love to talk my ear off, and it's always a treat, but let's catch up later after the game starts, ok?
30664	GG: And if I do need your help, I promise I'll take you up on your offer!
30665	TT: I made several. Which one?
30666	GG: The one where you, hopefully not literally, offered to catch me in the crevice of a great big squishy butt! Hoo hoo hoo!
30667	GG: Gtg!!! <3
30668	You order dear, sweet Lil' Sebastian to put his fidgetiness to constructive use. He is eager to assist, and lifts the appliance with ease.
30669	He finds a note taped underneath the fridge. It seems to be addressed to you.
30670	Fat chance, dad.
30671	This bird's gotta fly!!!
30672	Uh oh, Lil Seb's acting out again. His legs are getting fidgety and bothersome. Better tell him to put the fridge down gently before he causes more damage.
30673	You've been climbing your echeladder very gradually for various minor accomplishments here and there since you were 13. That was such a sweet textbook HAT POF, it earned you just enough to clear the next rung, FEDORAFLEDGLING. Nice going!
30674	The well traveled HAT shares in your glorious spoils. The battle-hardened accessory reaches dizzying new heights, leapfrogging from the DOUCHEBAG'S DOMESUCKER rung, to the rare, highly coveted MARTYR'S PISSCRADLE rung.
30675	How can these things be so fast on land???
30676	It moves like some sort of giant frisky seal, that is very hungry and angry. You know from experience that bullets only make them hungrier and angrier, so there is nothing to do but run.
30677	Oh no, it's a hostile swarm of those little fairy bulls! They are probably pissed off about the one you killed earlier. They have come for revenge!
30678	OH MY GOD THE HUMANITY. HOW THEY EXACT THEIR POUND OF FLESH.
30679	OH GOD NO OH GOD OH GOD OH GOOOAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH.
30680	Nearby, someone or something bleats like a goat for strategic purposes.
30681	And also
30682	Ironic purposes.
30683	The jig is so totally up.
30684	Nothing left to do but scurry your little legs to that box, snatch the mail and scram!
30685	END OF ACT 6 ACT 1.
30686	One down.
30687	No, not kids! I mean these curtain dealies.
30688	I still need to set up, what, like another five of these rigs? God dammit.
30689	I hope I don't run out of green curtain cloth. Shit is expensive.
30690	Huh? Who?
30691	Oh, yeah. Those people.
30692	Aren't they all dead?
30693	Oh god, you're right! There are still a few characters I haven't killed yet. I almost forgot about them.
30694	I was planning on totally messing with them in the short window of time they're in the same universe as me! Hopefully it isn't too late.
30695	AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
30696	HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA WAIT WHY AM I EVEN LAUGHING, THIS IS A COMPLETELY INAPPROPRIATE REACTION. BESIDES, I AM A TIN CAN, ROBOTS DON'T HAVE FEELINGS.
30697	Let's see. They should be traveling near the speed of light across a distance of one yard, giving them about three nanoseconds before they crash through the other wall.
30698	Which means I have about...
30699	HOLY SHIT I'M ALMOST OUT OF TIME TO FUCK UP THE STORY! WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT NANOSECONDS COULD FLY BY SO FAST????????
30700	Who am I kidding. Even using my super-fast robotic AUTHOR AVATAR, I barely have time to do anything.
30701	Maybe I'll just level up these kids before they go, and that's it.
30702	They've earned it after all, don't you think?
30703	You produce your most spirited LAD SCRAMBLE yet, and hop up to the next GOD TIER, achieving the illustrious REVENGE OF DOCTOR RAGNAROK.
30704	All of your vitals go completely bonkers. Your MAN GRIT is off the charts. You're embarrassed for us to even know what it is. It's that gaudy.
30705	You put forth your best LASS SCAMPER of all time, and clear another sweet GOD TIER, the nigh-unattainable SAYONARA KANSAS.
30706	Your battle stats predictably go haywire. You accrue so much YOUNGSTER GUMPTION it's basically insane. Nobody should ever mess with you.
30707	Not even me.
30708	You don't get boondollars anymore. That shit is for babies now.
30709	Instead, you are finally ready to have your first ACHIEVEMENT BADGE sewn on to your KIDDIE CAMPER HANDYSASH!
30710	You each receive the badge GIFT OF GAB, enabling you to engage in simple, direct dialogue with others, without requiring any gimmicks to facilitate communication. You don't need to type through a chat client, or talk to a sprite, or traverse through a memory in a dream bubble, or wander around in an interactive game environment, or any of that stuff.
30711	You seriously never thought you would live to see this achievement unlocked. It almost feels like cheating. Like conversing in god mode.
30712	JOHN: where are we?
30713	JADE: im not sure!
30714	JADE: some sort of limbo dimension between the two walls i guess
30715	JADE: like a realm with unusual spatial properties we have to cross through
30716	JOHN: oh, ok.
30717	JOHN: then...
30718	JOHN: we escaped the scratch?
30719	JOHN: like, we still exist and everything?
30720	JADE: yes!
30721	JADE: we still totally exist john
30722	JOHN: ok, just making sure.
30723	JOHN: i still felt pretty existy, but you never know.
30724	JOHN: i'm still kinda confused though.
30725	JADE: about what?
30726	JOHN: i mean, we crashed through that giant window you magically made with witch powers to escape the scratch, so we can keep existing, right?
30727	JADE: yes
30728	JADE: i didnt make it with witch powers though, i captchalogued it hours ago because karkat told me to...
30729	JADE: then at the last minute i took it out and made it huge so we could escape through it
30730	JOHN: i see.
30731	JOHN: did you at least make it huge with witch powers?
30732	JADE: i did make it huge with witch powers!
30733	JOHN: so i guess that's what witch powers do, is make things huge?
30734	JADE: they also make things small
30735	JOHN: right, like you did with all those planets.
30736	JADE: yup
30737	JADE: also
30738	JADE: witch powers can teleport things, and fling things around through space at very high velocities
30739	JADE: all sorts of stuff!
30740	JADE: but to be honest, im not sure how much of that is attributable to inheriting becs abilities...
30741	JOHN: man, spacey witch powers sound a lot more versatile than my powers, frankly.
30742	JOHN: not that i'm complaining, because wind powers are still awesome.
30743	JOHN: but anyway, that is neither here nor there!
30744	JOHN: what i'm wondering is, once we crashed through that window, weren't we supposed to like...
30745	JOHN: enter a new game session? the reset one?
30746	JOHN: and meet up with karkat, and vriska, and all the trolls, and i guess maybe also a bunch of dead trolls too??? like troll ghosts or such.
30747	JADE: yes that was the basic idea
30748	JOHN: and what about your grandson? wasn't he going to be there, from the future or something? and then he would send liv tyler to me, or actually to you i guess, into the past somehow?
30749	JADE: that would be jake
30750	JADE: and yeah, i do believe we will meet him in this session
30751	JADE: he said he had a bunch of friends who helped him make the bunny! im pretty excited to meet them all
30752	JOHN: wow...
30753	JOHN: hey, i wonder what the fuck ever happened to liv anyway?
30754	JOHN: last i saw her, i sent her off to give the tumor to rose and dave...
30755	JOHN: oh god, rose and dave!!! where are they now? did one of them do the suicide mission thing? and what about the other? did they get scratch'd???
30756	JADE: actually, they both went, and in a manner of speaking, their mission was a success
30757	JOHN: :(
30758	JOHN: so, they blew up the sun, and now they're dead?
30759	JADE: nope!
30760	JADE: they did not actually destroy the sun. trust me, i would know if it was gone. now that i know what i know, it was kind of silly of us to think it would ever be destroyed...
30761	JADE: and as it happens, rose and dave are not dead either! i have received very reliable reports that they survived
30762	JOHN: oh man, that's great!
30763	JOHN: i mean, i'm not sure how not blowing up the sun qualifies as a successful mission, since that was kind of the whole idea, but at this point i don't really care. i'm just happy to hear they're ok.
30764	JADE: it will all be more clear soon
30765	JOHN: how do you know they're ok? or any of this stuff, really?
30766	JADE: ive learned a lot in my dreams lately
30767	JADE: heh, probably more than i ever learned looking at the clouds on prospit!
30768	JADE: when i was dead there for a few minutes, i had one last very informative nap
30769	JADE: the bottom line is, rose and dave will rendezvous with the trolls near the green sun, and then they will all meet us in the new session
30770	JOHN: ok, that sounds awesome.
30771	JOHN: and that was part of the plan i guess i understood, but...
30772	JOHN: where is this new session?
30773	JOHN: all i see here is a bunch of giant windows, and a lot of warp speed whooshy nonsense.
30774	JADE: its through the other wall!
30775	JOHN: you mean that one way over there?
30776	JADE: yes
30777	JOHN: ok...
30778	JOHN: so is this place like that yellow lawn ring thing karkat was talking about?
30779	JADE: no, not lawn ring!
30780	JADE: thats a silly troll word
30781	JADE: its the yellow yard
30782	JADE: we have to cross it to break through the next wall
30783	JOHN: how is this a yellow yard?
30784	JOHN: that's a stupid name for this place!
30785	JADE: see that long yellow band down there, stretching between the two walls?
30786	JADE: i think thats supposed to be the yard
30787	JOHN: thats not a yard.
30788	JOHN: yards are like these flat wide patches of grass, surrounded by fences and stuff.
30789	JOHN: if anything, it's more like a road.
30790	JADE: hmmm
30791	JADE: yeah i think youre right
30792	JADE: kinda like the yellow brick road?
30793	JOHN: sure, why not!
30794	JOHN: let's all go see a big pompous wizard to solve all of our problems.
30795	JOHN: i bet rose would get a kick out of that.
30796	JADE: hehe
30797	JOHN: oh yeah.
30798	JOHN: and another thing...
30799	JOHN: what...
30800	JOHN: the fuck...
30801	JOHN: is that?
30802	JADE: :|
30803	JADE: i have no idea
30804	JADE: extra dimensional shenanigan based phenomena perhaps?????
30805	Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain cloth. Or anything taking place out here in the emerald shitty paintjob, for that matter.
30806	JOHN: wait, what just happened?
30807	JADE: i dont know!
30808	JOHN: it got darker, and greener...
30809	JADE: :?
30810	JOHN: this place is weird. when are we gonna bust through the other window, anyway?
30811	JOHN: i'm kind of antsy to get on with our adventure and meet up with everybody!
30812	JADE: yes me too
30813	JADE: hmmmmmm
30814	JOHN: what is it?
30815	JADE: im just trying to estimate our arrival time
30816	JADE: based on our current velocity, which is about as close to light speed as i can make it go
30817	JOHN: i see.
30818	JOHN: since we are going so fast, it should be pretty soon, right?
30819	JOHN: like a few more minutes?
30820	JADE: hmmmmmmmmmmm...
30821	JADE: no
30822	JADE: itll take quite a bit longer than that
30823	JOHN: ugh.
30824	JOHN: how long?
30825	JADE: i would say
30826	JADE: if i keep our speed constant...
30827	JADE: we should arrive in about three years
30828	JOHN: what!!!
30829	JOHN: that is an absolutely preposterous amount of time.
30830	JADE: i know!
30831	JOHN: are you sure you can't make it go any faster?
30832	JOHN: i mean, not to sound too demanding, but...
30833	JOHN: didn't you say you can teleport stuff?
30834	JOHN: why not teleport us there?
30835	JADE: i cant!
30836	JADE: not here, at least
30837	JOHN: oh. well that sucks.
30838	JOHN: why not?
30839	JADE: the way i understand it is...
30840	JADE: becs powers draw from the green sun
30841	JADE: and the green sun presides over our universe
30842	JADE: many universes actually! and the sessions that created them, as well as the sessions created within them
30843	JADE: including the trolls universe and their session
30844	JADE: think of it like a giant solar system, but instead of planets revolving around the sun, there are many universes
30845	JOHN: uh, ok.
30846	JOHN: that sounds...
30847	JOHN: big.
30848	JADE: it is!
30849	JADE: so, bec was able to teleport anywhere in the universe he wanted in an instant, much faster than light
30850	JADE: jack was able to do this too, within our session, and then when i inherited those powers from jadesprite, so could i
30851	JADE: but we could only teleport locally
30852	JADE: which means, bec could jump to anywhere in our universe, but not to another universe, or into a session
30853	JADE: and jack could jump to anywhere in our session, but not outside it
30854	JADE: we cant even jump to the green sun itself, even though we sort of serve as a gateway to it, and all its energy
30855	JADE: and once we leave the suns domain, our travel is limited by the speed of light, like everyone else!
30856	JADE: for example, the furthest ring is not in the suns domain
30857	JADE: it is more like the suns medium, allowing it to exist
30858	JADE: so if i wanted to fly out of our session and travel to the green sun, i would have to make my way there through the furthest ring at the speed of light or less
30859	JADE: and wherever we are now is not in the suns domain either
30860	JADE: so the same rules apply
30861	JOHN: i see.
30862	JOHN: it didn't really occur to me this was all so elaborate.
30863	JOHN: like, if the green sun is at the center of a bunch of universes, like a huge solar system...
30864	JOHN: doesn't that mean it was sort of important?
30865	JOHN: maybe trying to blow it up wasn't such a great idea.
30866	JADE: yes i think youre right
30867	JADE: but to be fair, we were all the victims of a big prank!
30868	JOHN: oh man, a prank??
30869	JOHN: who pranked us?
30870	JADE: some really creepy omniscient guy
30871	JADE: it doesnt matter much, hes supposedly dead now
30872	JOHN: oh. well that was quite a ruse then. that son of a bitch!
30873	JADE: yes, but its not all as bad as it seems
30874	JADE: theres a silver lining in all of this
30875	JADE: like you said, a sun presiding over many universes has to be pretty cosmically important
30876	JADE: who knows what terrible consequences there would be if it was destroyed
30877	JADE: or maybe worse, if it never existed at all
30878	JADE: which is what made rose and daves true mission an unintended success!
30879	JOHN: their true mission?
30880	JOHN: what was that?
30881	JADE: to deliver the bomb to the empty location the green sun was meant to exist for most of eternity
30882	JADE: and then create the sun in the first place
30883	JADE: that is what the tumor was for all along
30884	JOHN: ...
30885	JADE: like i said
30886	JADE: we got played like a bunch of suckers!!!
30887	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/HELPHIM.gif" border="0" />
30888	JOHN: oh man, rose and dave have sweet god tier pajamas like us! that's so awesome.
30889	JOHN: haha, dave looks like kind of a doofus with that snug little hood.
30890	JADE: i think he looks cool!!!!!
30891	JADE: the cape is great, hes like a super hero now
30892	JOHN: that's true.
30893	JOHN: i still think i prefer my outfit though.
30894	JOHN: look at all those trolls...
30895	JOHN: there are so many trolls. the idea of meeting them all is kind of overwhelming.
30896	JOHN: i wonder which one is which?
30897	JOHN: i think that must have been karkat there. and that was probably his clown asshole friend he mentioned, too.
30898	JADE: yup
30899	JOHN: and that was definitely terezi, with the fancy glasses.
30900	JOHN: not sure about the others... i wonder if vriska was there?
30901	JADE: ...
30902	JOHN: it's nice to see rose looks better.
30903	JOHN: last time i saw her, she looked really grim.
30904	JOHN: and also, dark.
30905	JOHN: i was trying to talk to her, but she sounded like a babbling monster, so i couldn't understand her.
30906	JOHN: it was really frustrating, and all of my nervous rambling probably made me sound like an idiot.
30907	JOHN: and then when i woke up later, she was dead.
30908	JADE: :(
30909	JOHN: did you know...
30910	JOHN: that i had to kiss her to make her come back to life?
30911	JADE: !!!
30912	JOHN: yes, it's true.
30913	JOHN: it's kind of weird kissing a dead body, but i didn't mind.
30914	JOHN: how did you feel about it when you kissed dave when he died?
30915	JADE: ...........
30916	JADE: how did you know about that!
30917	JOHN: karkat told me.
30918	JADE: oh
30919	JADE: that figures
30920	JOHN: do you think that all of our unbridled corpse smooching means karkat's silly shipping prophecy will come true?
30921	JADE: umm
30922	JOHN: i mean, the guy is really angry, and says fuck like in practically every sentence.
30923	JOHN: but he does weirdly seem to know what he's talking about when it comes to romance.
30924	JADE: yeah
30925	JADE: i dunno
30926	JADE: do you want it to come true?
30927	JOHN: man.
30928	JOHN: i don't know.
30929	JOHN: do you?
30930	JADE: hmmmmmm.....
30931	JOHN: hmm, indeed.
30932	JADE: i think i miss them already
30933	JADE: and weve only been here for a few minutes :(
30934	JOHN: yeah.
30935	JOHN: there's a lot i want to tell them about.
30936	JOHN: and a lot i want to ask them.
30937	JADE: well
30938	JADE: you could ask them now if you want
30939	JOHN: really?
30940	JADE: yes
30941	JADE: in fact
30942	JADE: you can hop right through me and join them
30943	JADE: then you can travel with them to the new session if you like
30944	JOHN: whoa!
30945	JOHN: well, heck, why don't we do that then?
30946	JOHN: it would probably be more fun with them than being on this golden battleship by ourselves.
30947	JADE: it probably would!
30948	JADE: but i cant go with you
30949	JADE: i can serve as a gateway
30950	JADE: but i cant travel to the sun myself, remember?
30951	JOHN: oh yeah.
30952	JOHN: dammit!
30953	JADE: but its ok, really!
30954	JADE: if thats what you wanted to do, i wouldnt mind
30955	JADE: but whatever you do, you have to decide quickly
30956	JADE: they will be departing from the sun very soon
30957	JOHN: but i wouldn't want to leave you here all alone for three years.
30958	JOHN: that would suck!
30959	JADE: i wouldnt really be alone though
30960	JADE: i have the population of five planets to keep me company!
30961	JOHN: :O
30962	JOHN: that's right.
30963	JOHN: that makes it seem not so boring i guess.
30964	JOHN: but still...
30965	JOHN: i would feel really bad leaving you here, even if you do have a million salamanders and chess guys to keep you company.
30966	JOHN: you are my friend and also my sorta-sister, and we just met for the first time ever a few minutes ago...
30967	JOHN: i'm not going to be like, welp! see ya in three years jade!
30968	JADE: awww :D
30969	JADE: ok then
30970	JADE: personally, i think this trip could be a lot of fun!
30971	JADE: theres no pressure to do anything important or run around like lunatics anymore
30972	JADE: we can just relax
30973	JOHN: yeah.
30974	JOHN: now that you mention it, i'm pretty beat.
30975	JOHN: also... starving!!!
30976	JADE: woof!
30977	JADE: whoops
30978	JOHN: heheh.
30979	JOHN: i sure hope there are things to eat on those planets.
30980	JOHN: there were a lot of weird glowing mushrooms on lowas. i dunno about those.
30981	JOHN: i seem to remember a bunch of farms on the battlefield...
30982	JADE: there should be lots of good stuff on the planets
30983	JADE: also i would bet this ship is stocked with plenty of military rations
30984	JOHN: yeah, probably.
30985	JOHN: pff, hell, we could just raid all of our fridges and alchemize some tasty grub!
30986	JADE: oh yeah!!!
30987	JADE: durrr, problem solved
30988	JOHN: ok, cool.
30989	JOHN: but it would still be nice to say hi to everybody before they leave.
30990	JOHN: just to let them know how we're doing.
30991	JADE: yes
30992	JOHN: like, one of the last things rose saw before she died was me dying...
30993	JOHN: i wonder if she knows i'm ok?
30994	JADE: im pretty sure she knows a ton of things now
30995	JADE: considering she is a fully realized seer of light
30996	JOHN: yeah, probably.
30997	JOHN: then maybe i'll just hop over real fast, and give karkat a fist bump, and give dave a hard time about his hella tight little hood, and then hop back?
30998	JADE: im sure that would be hilarious
30999	JADE: but
31000	JADE: if you go i dont think i can bring you back
31001	JADE: i cant bring anyone or anything to here from there!
31002	JOHN: aw man, really??
31003	JADE: as far as i know...
31004	JADE: if theres a way i havent figured it out yet
31005	JADE: i am still kind of new to this omnipotence thing after all :\
31006	JOHN: that's stupid.
31007	JOHN: what is with all these rules!
31008	JADE: i dont know!
31009	JADE: im sure the rules exist for a good reason though
31010	JADE: maybe to somewhat limit the power and reach of omnipotent beings?
31011	JADE: if there are no limits at all, it could be especially dangerous in the wrong hands
31012	JADE: like what happened with jack!
31013	JOHN: isn't that a contradiction though?
31014	JOHN: if there are limits to your powers, you can't exactly be OMNIpotent, can you?
31015	JOHN: more like...
31016	JOHN: semipotent.
31017	JADE: then i guess thats what we are!
31018	JADE: semipotent demigods
31019	JOHN: demidogs.
31020	JADE: woof woof woof!
31021	JADE: dammit!!!!!!
31022	JOHN: heh...
31023	JOHN: can you not control the woofs?
31024	JADE: i havent gotten the hang of the woofs yet :(
31025	JOHN: so, the dog ears...
31026	JOHN: is that a permanent thing now, or what?
31027	JADE: i think so
31028	JOHN: i like them.
31029	JADE: i do too!
31030	JOHN: you are like a furry now, but not really the weird kind that people on the internet like to have sex with in their imagination.
31031	JADE: D:
31032	JOHN: hey, can i at least send a message through?
31033	JOHN: like a note or something?
31034	JADE: sure!
31035	JADE: better hurry up and write it though
31036	JOHN: oh snap! ok, gotta think, quick...
31037	JOHN: what do i write on?
31038	JOHN: maybe the back of a movie poster or something?
31039	JOHN: i don't think i have one captchalogued though...
31040	JOHN: and now that i think about it, most of them were ruined by imps. :(
31041	JADE: how about this one?
31042	JADE: looks like its still in pretty good condition
31043	JOHN: yes, that's perfect!!!
31044	JOHN: everyone will love it, especially probably dave.
31045	JOHN: i think i need something to fold it up and put it in though.
31046	JOHN: i don't want to just like crumple it up and chuck it in there like some garbage...
31047	JOHN: i could stick it in a book i guess.
31048	JOHN: but i kind of don't want to part with any great reading material, especially since we're going on a long trip.
31049	JADE: john you have to hurry!
31050	JOHN: ok, ok, um...
31051	JADE: here, will this work?
31052	JOHN: oh, yeah. i guess that'll be fine.
31053	JOHN: now, uhhh, what to write...
31054	JADE: whatever you write just make it quick!
31055	JADE: and tell everyone i say hi!
31056	JOHN: ok, will do.
31057	JADE: ok, while you work on that, i think ill bring up some friends
31058	JOHN: huh?
31059	JADE: you know, let some of our travel companions get acquainted with the ship!
31060	JOHN: oh fuck, it's dave sprite!!!
31061	JOHN: i forgot about him.
31062	DAVESPRITE: yeah no shit
31063	JOHN: how've you been, buddy?
31064	JADE: shooooooooosh!!!!!
31065	JADE: write now, catch up later!
31066	JOHN: ok, i think this is a pretty good letter.
31067	DAVESPRITE: let me check it out
31068	DAVESPRITE: maybe ill humorously defile willis and afflecks dumb skyward yearning faces
31069	JOHN: oh HELL no.
31070	DAVESPRITE: come on dude hand it over
31071	JADE: nooooo come on guys theyre about to go just stuff it in the bucket and throw it at me already!!!
31072	DAVESPRITE: too late i already did it with sprite powers while he wasnt looking
31073	JOHN: augh you bastard!
31074	JOHN: wait a minute!
31075	JOHN: i forgot, trolls hate cleaning products for some alien reason! shit, that's going to make everyone so uncomfortable.
31076	JOHN: oh well, there it goes. too late i guess.
31077	DAVESPRITE: ahahahaha you fucked up
31078	You both also get one of these. Now you can start flapping your traps with wild abandon at anyone you please.
31079	ARADIA: you see??
31080	ARADIA: i told you they would bring your body
31081	SOLLUX: ok, well i believed y0u about that, but yeah, i can see that.
31082	SOLLUX: eugh, can s0meone get rid 0f that thing please?
31083	ARADIA: oh!!!
31084	ARADIA: sollux lets do it!
31085	SOLLUX: what.
31086	ARADIA: the corpse party!
31087	ARADIA: theres no better time and there are so many corpses here to work with
31088	ARADIA: is everybody ok with that? do you want to have a big corpse party?
31089	ARADIA: we can incinerate the remains in the sun it will be just glorious
31090	ROSE: Corpse party?
31091	ARADIA: rose!
31092	ARADIA: can you please explain to my friends what a human funeral is like?
31093	ROSE: Of course.
31094	ROSE: I would describe it as an occasion marked by a great deal of jubilation at the expense of one or more well dressed cadavers.
31095	DAVE: hahaha oh god
31096	ARADIA: i couldnt have put it better myself
31097	ARADIA: could you go into more detail?
31098	ROSE: Well, in my experience, a loved one, typically an elder, arranges to have the departed placed in a small box, and then forces you to stand in the rain all day.
31099	ROSE: Then, presumably winded by all the deeply ironic catharsis, she gets drunk and passes out on the couch.
31100	DAVE: oh my god we are never going to stop fucking with each other are we
31101	DAVE: even without computers
31102	ARADIA: hmmm that sounds just a tad specific
31103	ARADIA: we may have to adapt the proceedings to be a little more
31104	ARADIA: i dunno
31105	ARADIA: multicultural i guess?
31106	SOLLUX: err...
31107	ARADIA: why dont you all do some brainstorming about what kind of funeral to have while i go round up the bodies!
31108	SOLLUX: aradia, FUCK.
31109	SOLLUX: will y0u co0l it on the c0rpse party shit for a minute?
31110	ARADIA: whats the matter?
31111	SOLLUX: i mean, everyb0dy here has just met, and i guess just went through a l0t of really heavy bullshit, d0 you think that maybe this isn't the best thing t0 harp on right n0w?
31112	ARADIA: um
31113	ARADIA: i just thought it would be a nice thing to bond over
31114	SOLLUX: not everyb0dy is as into death as y0u though. like, it's c0ol t0 see you s0 excited about s0mething, i'm seriously thrilled ab0ut that.
31115	SOLLUX: but frankly it's all pretty fucking morbid t0 everybody, i just th0ught you sh0uld know.
31116	ARADIA: am i really that bad?
31117	TEREZI: Y3S >:|
31118	ARADIA: oh
31119	ARADIA: sorry
31120	ARADIA: i guess ive spent enough time here that i just dont see death as the terrible thing the living make it out to be
31121	ARADIA: i honestly feel like its a reason to celebrate!
31122	TEREZI: TH4TS OK 4R4D14, NO ON3S BL4M1NG YOU
31123	TEREZI: 1 4CTU4LLY TH1NK YOUR WHOL3 D34TH F4NG1RL TH1NG 1S FUNNY 4ND K1ND OF CH4RM1NG >:]
31124	ARADIA: death fan girl thing?
31125	ARADIA: what do you mean
31126	TEREZI: OH COM3 ON
31127	TEREZI: YOU 4R3 PR4CT1C4LLY B3S1D3 YOURS3LF W1TH G1DD1N3SS 4T TH3 1D34 OF S3RV1NG 4S TH3 M41TR3 D TO 4LL DR34M BUBBL3S
31128	TEREZI: YOU LOV3 B31NG TH3 C4R3T4K3R OF W4YW4RD SOULS 4ND DR34M3RS!
31129	TEREZI: LUCK1LY YOU M4K3 4N 4DOR4BL3 H4NDM41D TO TH3 M4ST3R OF D34TH, 3SP3C14LLY 1N YOUR CUT3 CH3RRY P1X13 3NS3MBL3
31130	ARADIA: you think so?
31131	ROSE: I'm going to agree with my fellow seer on this.
31132	TEREZI: S33???
31133	TEREZI: 3V3N SNOOTY M1SS C4NT4LOUP3 ROB3 4GR33S!
31134	TEREZI: OH, 4ND GUYS, JUST FOR TH3 S4K3 OF MULT1CULTUR4L CL4R1TY, W3 TROLLS TR34T D34TH 1TS3LF 4S 4 MYTHOLOG1C4L F1GUR3
31135	TEREZI: H3 1S 4 M4N W1TH 4 FR1GHT3N1NG SKULL FOR 4 H34D 4ND 4 T3RR1BL3 HYPNOT1C GL4R3
31136	TEREZI: 4LL TH3 L3G3NDS S4Y H3S GOT TH1S SUP3R FOXY H4NDM41D TO DO H1S D1RTYWORK
31137	TEREZI: 1 M34N TH1S 1S 4LL F4NT4SY OF COURS3, BUT W3 C4NT R34LLY UND3RST4ND 34CH OTH3RS CULTUR3S UNL3SS W3 UND3RST4ND TH3 MYTHS B3H1ND TH3M!
31138	DAVE: yo terezi weve got a grim reaper too
31139	DAVE: shit isnt that novel
31140	DAVE: i mean i think even a civilization full of the laziest sons of bitches are gonna make up a myth figure for death
31141	DAVE: like oooh watch OUT death is coming for you hes got like
31142	DAVE: a SKULL and shit
31143	DAVE: i basically have no fucking imagination that sounds badass to me
31144	DAVE: wait wait no how about hes got a BLACK ROBE too
31145	DAVE: and a fuckin scythe to fuckin slash at you with in case you didnt die all the way or whatever
31146	DAVE: daaaaaamn now youre talking bro
31147	DAVE: lets go ahead stick that in our culture forever
31148	TEREZI: SO WH4T YOU 4R3 T3LL1NG M3 D4V3 1S
31149	TEREZI: TH4T W3 BOTH H4V3 D34TH *4ND* COTTON C4NDY???
31150	DAVE: hell yes
31151	TEREZI: W3 M1GHT 4S W3LL B3 TH3 S4M3 D4MN SP3C13S!!! >:D
31152	KARKAT: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.
31153	KARKAT: IS IT GOING TO SHIT ON EVERYBODY'S GREAT TIME IF I DARE TO BRING UP IMPORTANT THINGS NOW?
31154	KARKAT: IS IT SAFE TO POKE OUR HEADS UP FROM THIS GULCH OF IDIOTIC BANTER AND SEE IF THE COAST IS CLEAR FOR ADULT, BUSINESSLIKE CONVERSATION?
31155	KARKAT: YES, YES, HUMANS, SO NICE TO MEET YOU, AND IT SEEMS YOU'RE GOD TIERS NOW? NEAT, YADA YADA, WHAT THE FUCK EVER.
31156	KARKAT: JUST ONE QUESTION
31157	KARKAT: WE FOLLOWED THAT GREEN BEACON OF WHAT I THOUGHT WAS THE AFTERMATH OF A SUCCESSFUL BLOW UP THE SUN MISSION
31158	KARKAT: AND AFTER A BREAKNECK WARP SPEED JOURNEY IN WHICH MY BEST FUCKING FRIEND *EVER* PSYCHED ME OUT INTO THINKING HE DIED *YET A FUCKING GAIN* BY EXPELLING LITER AFTER GRUESOME LITER OF GRUBSAUCE FROM HIS EVERY ORIFICE
31159	KARKAT: WHAT DO I FIND HERE?
31160	KARKAT: WHY, IN ADDITION TO A PAIR OF HUMANS DRAPED IN CIRCUSWEAR AND ALL THEIR FLIPPANT GIBES LOCKED AND GODDAMN LOADED
31161	KARKAT: IT SEEMS WE HAVE ALSO CHANCED UPON NONE OTHER THAN THE GREEN FUCKING SUN ITSELF
31162	KARKAT: WHICH UNLESS MY RAW, RUDDY GANDERBULBS ARE STILL A LITTLE GRIEFBLEARY, STRIKES ME AS STILL BEING SOMEWHAT RATHER FUCKING *UNBLOWN* UP.
31163	KARKAT: SO WHAT AM I MISSING HERE
31164	DAVE: dude chill out we just got hornswoggled is all
31165	KARKAT: OH!
31166	KARKAT: CASE CLOSED
31167	KARKAT: OK THEN, LET'S START PITCHING DEAD PALS INTO THE LIMITLESS INFERNO. MY CURIOSITY WAS TOTALLY FUCKING SATED JUST THEN!
31168	ARADIA: the sun will never be destroyed karkat
31169	ARADIA: im sorry but you were misinformed!
31170	KARKAT: AH! MORE BREATHTAKING REASSURANCE!
31171	KARKAT: EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE GUYS, WE WERE JUST HORNSWOGGLED AND MISINFORMED, CARRY ON THEN!
31172	KARKAT: WASN'T THE WHOLE POINT TO TAKE OUT THE SUN TO NEUTRALIZE JACK?
31173	ROSE: It shouldn't be a problem.
31174	KARKAT: OH NO??? THEN WHAT'S THE PLAN NOW???
31175	ROSE: It's simple.
31176	ROSE: We regroup, and then defeat him in person.
31177	KARKAT: OH! OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
31178	KARKAT: FUCKING OH.
31179	KARKAT: AND HERE I THOUGHT THE NEW PLAN WAS GOING TO BE SOMETHING INCREDIBLY STUPID AND SUICIDAL.
31180	KARKAT: DID I SAY OH YET?
31181	KARKAT: BECAUSE THAT'S THE SOUND I MAKE WHEN I'M FUCKING RELIEVED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
31182	GAMZEE: honk.
31183	KARKAT: WHAT.
31184	GAMZEE: HONK.
31185	KARKAT: WHAT DOES HONK MEAN THIS TIME YOU WHIMSICAL PIECE OF SHIT?????
31186	KARKAT: DON'T YOU START WITH ME
31187	KARKAT: DO. NOT. START WITH ME.
31188	KARKAT: I WILL GET YOU IN A HEADLOCK SO TIGHT IT WILL BE A MIRACLE IF PEOPLE DON'T MISTAKE OUR TUSSLE FOR AN ILL CONCEIVED VENTRILOQUIST ACT.
31189	KARKAT: I WILL SHOOSH YOU AGAIN, SO HELP ME GOD. I WILL SHOOSH YOUR CLOWN ASS TO SHANGRI-BULLSHIT-LA AND BACK, AND FILL YOUR EAR WITH MY WHITE HOT PALEBRO SPITTLE.
31190	KARKAT: I AM FULL AND FUCKING WELL PREPARED TO GET CONCILIATORY WITH YOU AGAIN IF YOU SO MUCH AS PASS GAS MURDEROUSLY, DO YOU UNDERSTAND?
31191	KARKAT: IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT??? DO I NEED TO CALM YOUR FAYGO-STICKY TENTSQUATTING SHIT DOWN AGAIN????
31192	GAMZEE: naw brother, i was just about to all say for you to try and get your settle down on, maybe.
31193	GAMZEE: :o(
31194	DAVE: man what the hell even happened on this meteor anyway
31195	DAVE: actually dont even tell me
31196	KARKAT: OK
31197	KARKAT: OK YEAH
31198	KARKAT: I GUESS YOU'RE RIGHT.
31199	KARKAT: NO, YOU'RE RIGHT, I SHOULD RELAX.
31200	KARKAT: AND BREATHE.
31201	KARKAT: I MEAN, WHAT ARE MOIRAILS FOR, RIGHT?
31202	KARKAT: THIS IS HOW IT WORKS, I STOP YOU FROM KILLING EVERYBODY, THEN YOU RETURN THE FAVOR AND CALM ME DOWN AND I JUST
31203	KARKAT: BREATHE
31204	KARKAT: LIKE
31205	KARKAT: THIS...
31206	KARKAT: SNIIIIIIIIIIIIFFFFFFFFFFFFFUCK, THAT SUN IS BRIGHT.
31207	KARKAT: CALL ME CRAZY, BUT IT'S KIND OF HARD TO RELAX WITHIN A STONE'S THROW FROM, OH, I GUESS ONLY THE BIGGEST FUCKING STAR ANY MORTAL HAS EVER LAID EYES ON.
31208	KANAYA: Actually I Was Just Thinking
31209	KANAYA: Its Nice To Get A Little Sun After So Long
31210	KARKAT: SURE, THAT'S ALL WELL AND GOOD FOR YOU.
31211	KARKAT: BUT I MEAN, CAN THIS BE HEALTHY?
31212	KARKAT: AREN'T WE GOING TO GET BURNED OR HAVE OUR RETINAS SCORCHED BY LOOKING AT IT?
31213	KARKAT: OH GOD I THINK I'M HAVING A PANIC ATTACK.
31214	TEREZI: K4RK4T YOUR3 3MB4RR4SS1NG US 1N FRONT OF TH3 HUM4NS
31215	KARKAT: FUCK YOU
31216	KARKAT: I CAN'T BREATHE...
31217	KARKAT: IT'S SO BRIGHT, I NEED SUNGLASSES OR SOMETHING.
31218	KARKAT: QUICK, WHICH ONE OF YOU AWESOME DUDES HAS A RADICAL PAIR OF SHADES I CAN BORROW???
31219	KANAYA: One Moment
31220	KARKAT: I WAS JOKING, GET THOSE FUCKING THINGS AWAY FROM ME
31221	TEREZI: 1 4M SO SORRY YOU GUYS
31222	TEREZI: W3 4R3 4CTU4LLY 4 LOT COOL3R TH4N TH1S!
31223	DAVE: are you actually
31224	TEREZI: ...
31225	TEREZI: NO
31226	TEREZI: NO W3 AR3 NOT
31227	KARKAT: WHAT IS HAPPENING NOW
31228	KARKAT: SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ON.
31229	KARKAT: WHO'S THE LEADER NOW?
31230	KARKAT: ARADIA ARE YOU THE LEADER NOW
31231	KARKAT: OR IS IT ROSE "I HAVE AN IDEA, LET'S TAKE THE INVINCIBLE DEMON HEAD ON!" LALONDE.
31232	KARKAT: I NEED TO KNOW WHO THE LEADER IS
31233	KARKAT: I NEED TO KNOW IN WHOSE DIRECTION I MUST BEHAVE AS THE MOST PATHETICALLY USELESS SUBORDINATE I CAN BE.
31234	KARKAT: QUICK, SOMEONE BOSS ME AROUND! I'M FUCKING INCOMPETENT AND RARING TO GO.
31235	KARKAT: THAT'S WHAT YOU DO WHEN THERE'S A LEADER AROUND TRYING TO MAKE PLANS, RIGHT?
31236	KARKAT: YOU DROP YOUR IQ HARDER THAN A PAIR OF HILARIOUSLY PLUMMETING PANTS, YOU CEASELESSLY RAMBLE ABOUT VAPID BULLSHIT, YOU RUN AROUND HIDING ALL OF YOUR WORLDLY POSSESSIONS IN TREASURE CHESTS, AND THEN EVERYONE STARTS MURDERING EACH OTHER.
31237	KARKAT: IF THERE'S ANY OTHER EXPERIENCE CHARACTERIZING LEADERSHIP, IT'S ONE I SURE AS FUCK NEVER HAD!
31238	KARKAT: SO I NEED TO KNOW WHO THE LEADER IS.
31239	KARKAT: STRIDER, IS IT YOU???
31240	TEREZI: 4444444UGH
31241	ARADIA: karkat i dont know if anyone cares about formal ranks like that anymore
31242	ARADIA: or if anyone ever did!
31243	ARADIA: but for what its worth i suggest that from now on you all listen closely to the advice of our human guests
31244	DAVE: wait
31245	DAVE: really
31246	ARADIA: yes!
31247	ARADIA: no need to be so modest dave
31248	ARADIA: tactically speaking a knight of time and a seer of light is a nearly unbeatable combination
31249	DAVE: ok
31250	DAVE: i dont really have any orders to give though
31251	DAVE: except for karkat to shut the hell up because that horseshit is more obnoxious in person than i ever imagined
31252	KARKAT: OH WOW, I WOULD OFFER A RETORT TO YOUR VICIOUS BARB, EXCEPT FOR THE FACT THAT UNLIKE EVERY ASSHOLE EVER, I CAN ACTUALLY FOLLOW ORDERS AND SHUT MY MOUTH!
31253	KARKAT: CHECK IT OUT, "DOGG"
31254	KARKAT: ......................................
31255	ARADIA: yes you are off to an excellent start as a subordinate
31256	ARADIA: keep doing that!
31257	ARADIA: but dave dont worry if you do not have instructions for us
31258	ARADIA: the knight of time is not necessarily the tactician
31259	ARADIA: he is a powerful warrior class which exploits the flow of time as a weapon
31260	ARADIA: rose is the one who must play the role of the strategist
31261	ARADIA: the seer class knows her aspect comprehensively
31262	ARADIA: as a knower of all fortune she can see the circuitous path that will lead to the most favorable outcome for everyone
31263	ARADIA: personally i would defer to her judgment!
31264	TEREZI: R34LLY? YOU C4N DO TH4T??
31265	ROSE: Yes.
31266	TEREZI: TH4T SOUNDS 4 LOT MOR3 US3FUL TH4N MY S33R POW3RS >:[
31267	ROSE: Illumination of the road to victory for all is an asset considerably different from command over the outcomes of decisions made by individuals.
31268	ROSE: How do you know your talents won't be critical in blazing this auspicious trail?
31269	TEREZI: UM
31270	TEREZI: 1 GU3SS 1 DONT
31271	ROSE: That's because you're not me.
31272	KANAYA: Okay Then What Do We Do
31273	ROSE: Nothing yet.
31274	ROSE: But reasonably soon, within a certain window, it will be time to leave.
31275	ROSE: We will then pilot this meteor as fast as we can make it go in that exact direction.
31276	SOLLUX: what's that way?
31277	ROSE: Nothing whatsoever.
31278	ROSE: As of now, that way lies darkness and uncertainty beyond description.
31279	KANAYA: I See
31280	KANAYA: Then Perhaps We Should Reserve The Infinite Darkness Plan For The Maybe Column For Now
31281	KANAYA: I Think Im Even Willing To Let Dave Take A Crack At The Logistics Before We Commit To That Particular Maneuver Daring Though It Sounds
31282	DAVE: aw yeah
31283	DAVE: i got sicknasty logistics up my sleeve
31284	DAVE: i just call them stics fyi which is how you know im way savvy about them
31285	DAVE: most of the stics im fine tuning atm involve rap though i should warn you
31286	DAVE: but dave what if that dope as hell plan falls through i can hear you ask
31287	DAVE: plan b
31288	DAVE: involves drawing some shitty cartoons
31289	DAVE: and not giving a fuck about stuff
31290	TEREZI: >8D
31291	TEREZI: 1 H3R3BY S3COND TH1S COOL DUD3S R4D1C4L MOT1ON ON GROUNDS OF R1D1CULOUSLY D3C4D3NT 4TT1R3
31292	KANAYA: Yes Im Willing To Humor Elaboration On This Rap Centric Plan And Its Apathy Based Contingencies
31293	KANAYA: Even If Its Excessively Stupid
31294	ROSE: Trust me, it is.
31295	ROSE: Just as you should trust me that by the time we leave, if we leave exactly within the designated window and are able to travel at nearly the speed of light, the meteor will trace a route through the Furthest Ring which will topologically resolve as a straight line.
31296	ROSE: It will lead us directly to the new session.
31297	ROSE: For a brief moment, the sun will be visible from that session.
31298	ROSE: And we will be riding the chartreuse coattails of its photons.
31299	ARADIA: this is why you all needed an advanced seer!
31300	ARADIA: i have become familiar with the ways of the fabric out here but even i couldnt chart a journey that long or complex
31301	ROSE: That's because it's almost impossible to do so voluntarily.
31302	ROSE: If we were to head right now in the session's true physical direction, it wouldn't be long before we found ourselves traveling in just the opposite direction.
31303	ROSE: This is not even to speak of the chronological peculiarities. After traveling some distance, we could discover we were suddenly tailgating our own meteor from several days ago.
31304	ROSE: If we are particularly unfortunate, we might even collide in an intersection of spacetime with a meteor piloted by our future selves.
31305	ROSE: And if we looked closely at that meteor before impact, we might notice a very large dent in it, which it originally suffered during the very collision we were about to experience.
31306	ROSE: It takes precision and timing to reach your destination out here, and most importantly, the grace of the gods themselves.
31307	KARKAT: PPPFFUUUUUUUHHHHHHH......... WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZE...
31308	ROSE: Hm?
31309	SOLLUX: kk, what the fuck?
31310	SOLLUX: were you h0lding your breath that wh0le time?
31311	KARKAT: YEAH
31312	KARKAT: SO?
31313	TEREZI: OH GOD, YOU DUMMY
31314	TEREZI: YOU DONT 4CTU4LLY H4V3 TO HOLD YOUR BR34TH WH3N YOUR3 B31NG QU13T!
31315	KARKAT: OK YEAH
31316	KARKAT: I MEAN, OF COURSE IT SOUNDS OBVIOUS WHEN YOU PUT IT LIKE THAT
31317	DAVE: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
31318	DAVE: rose i told you this dude is fucking incredible
31319	KARKAT: STFU.
31320	KARKAT: LOOK I'M JUST A LITTLE OUT OF PRACTICE AT STAYING QUIET FOR EXTENDED PERIODS OF TIME, OK?
31321	TEREZI: H3 R34LLY 1S >:|
31322	KARKAT: ANYWAY, WHATEVER, SO WHAT YOU'RE SAYING LALONDE IS
31323	KARKAT: WE'RE GOING TO BE ON THIS HORRIBLE ROCK A GOOD WHILE LONGER TO GET TO THIS PARADISE SESSION OR WHATEVER IT IS?
31324	ROSE: Yes.
31325	KARKAT: AND SINCE WE PROBABLY AREN'T GOING TO FORCE SOLLUX'S BULLSHIT "HALF GHOST" OR WHATEVER TO POP HIMSELF AGAIN LIKE A PACKET OF NASTY FETID MUSTARD SO HE CAN SHOOT THIS THING INTO HYPERSPACE...
31326	SOLLUX: hey man, come 0n. not c0ol.
31327	KARKAT: I'M GUESSING THAT MEANS IT'LL TAKE CONSIDERABLY LONGER TO GET THERE THAN IT DID TO GET HERE?
31328	ROSE: Yes.
31329	KARKAT: I JUST KNEW IT
31330	KARKAT: THIS IS MY WORST NIGHTMARE REALIZED
31331	KARKAT: WHEN WE FIRST FLED TO THIS METEOR I HAD THIS WEIRD FEELING WE'D WIND UP SPENDING FOREVER AT THIS MISERABLE PLACE, ASSUMING WE ACTUALLY SURVIVED.
31332	KARKAT: I'M ALMOST AFRAID TO ASK, HOW LONG IS THIS TRIP GOING TO TAKE?
31333	KARKAT: PROBABLY SOME ABSOLUTELY PREPOSTEROUS AMOUNT OF TIME, LIKE THREE LONG MADDENING SWEEPS, RIGHT???
31334	KARKAT: WOULDN'T THAT JUST BE SO COSMICALLY CONVENIENT AND PERFECT FOR EVERYBODY! ESPECIALLY FOR THE MOST IMPORTANT PURPOSE OF ALL, MY UNINTERRUPTED CONTINUUM OF PERSONAL AGONY!!!
31335	KARKAT: THANK YOU, DARK GODS! THANK YOU SO FUCKING MUCH!!! YOU WIN THIS ROUND! YOU WIN ALL THE ROUNDS APPARENTLY!!!!! THERE ARE NO ROUNDS EVEN. THERE'S JUST YOUR SLIMY TENDRILS, OUR NAKED BODIES, AND EPOCHS OF MOLESTATION.
31336	ROSE: Don't be ridiculous. It won't take nearly that long.
31337	KARKAT: OH
31338	ROSE: It'll only take about three years.
31339	KARKAT: OK
31340	KARKAT: THAT'S NOT SO BAD I GUESS.
31341	KARKAT: WAIT, HOW LONG ARE YEARS SUPPOSED TO BE AGAIN?
31342	KARKAT: WAS IT LIKE TWO WEEKS OR SOMETHING?
31343	ROSE: Yes, two.
31344	ROSE: And then fifty more.
31345	KARKAT: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.
31346	ARADIA: karkat go back to holding your breath!
31347	ARADIA: this is going to be a wonderful adventure for everyone
31348	ARADIA: im a bit jealous honestly!
31349	ARADIA: or i would be if i wasnt having such a good time with my death fangirl thing :p
31350	KANAYA: So
31351	KANAYA: You Arent Coming Then
31352	ARADIA: no
31353	ARADIA: i still have important work to do here
31354	TEREZI: 4WW >:[
31355	ARADIA: but that doesnt rule out the possibility we could meet again in bubbles along your journey!
31356	TEREZI: 1 HOP3 SO
31357	SOLLUX: yeah, i think i'll hang behind here t0o, if that's 0k with you guys.
31358	KARKAT: WAIT, WHAT?
31359	KARKAT: NO COME ON, DON'T BE LIKE THAT
31360	SOLLUX: be like what? a ghost??
31361	SOLLUX: i d0n't think i belong with the living anym0re.
31362	KARKAT: YOU'RE A *HALF* GHOST, ASSHOLE.
31363	KARKAT: WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN? HOW ARE YOU EVEN TAKING THIS IDIOTIC "HALF DEATH" SERIOUSLY IF YOU JUST GO HOG WILD AS A FUCKING WHOLE-GHOST, AND SAY STUPID SHIT LIKE, BLAH BLAH, I BELONG IN THE AFTERLIFE NOW LIKE A DUMBASS.
31364	SOLLUX: kk, SORRY.
31365	SOLLUX: i'm just d0ne with this crap, this insane adventure bullshit, it's nothing pers0nal.
31366	SOLLUX: i just want to spend time with aa and chill 0ut and catch up with some 0f our dead buddies, is that 0k?
31367	KARKAT: WHATEVER, FINE.
31368	KARKAT: I'M GOING BACK TO NOT BREATHING AGAIN.
31369	KARKAT: HHHHHHHHHHHHUUUUP.............
31370	KANAYA: Maybe I Will Stay Here Too
31371	ROSE: Why?
31372	KANAYA: As Nice As It Sounds To Move On
31373	KANAYA: I Dont Know If I Can Stand Three Of Your Human Years Of More Darkness
31374	KANAYA: I Like This Sun Its Comforting In A Strange Way
31375	KANAYA: Like Home
31376	ROSE: But what if we need your help?
31377	KANAYA: What Could I Possibly Do
31378	KANAYA: Aside From Providing A Light Source As You Navigate The Dim Corridors
31379	KANAYA: I Would Function As A Premium Escort To The Load Gaper And Thats About It
31380	ARADIA: but kanaya you still have important work to finish too!
31381	ARADIA: we cant ignore our duties
31382	KANAYA: What Are You Talking About
31383	ARADIA: our race is extinct remember
31384	ARADIA: and after a few more casualties it is now hanging by a thread
31385	ARADIA: your job was to see to the resurrection of our people
31386	KANAYA: What Real Hope Is There For That
31387	KANAYA: The Orb Was Destroyed
31388	KANAYA: I Was Never Able To Duplicate It The Grist Cost Was Astronomical
31389	ARADIA: theres always hope though!
31390	ARADIA: you just never know and i dont think you should give up
31391	KANAYA: Doesnt Rose Know
31392	KANAYA: Cant You See The Path To Victory On This Matter
31393	ROSE: It's hard to say.
31394	ROSE: Does the repopulation of your species qualify as victory?
31395	ROSE: These things aren't always clear cut. Some outcomes are for your own judgment.
31396	ROSE: What outcome would you like the most?
31397	KANAYA: I Would Like To Have The Orb Again And To Keep It Safe This Time
31398	KANAYA: And I Guess To Not Be A Total Failure
31399	ROSE: Ok.
31400	ROSE: If you follow my advice, I can at least promise you will find yourself in the best position to determine whether that may come to pass.
31401	KANAYA: ...
31402	ROSE: Can you please come?
31403	ROSE: Between the two of us, you with your inexplicably heretofore unmentioned phosphorescence, and I with my nigh-reflective traffic cone orange sun-sari, the meteor should never be too dark.
31404	KARKAT: (sollux, oh my god is it me or is everybody already just fucking hitting on each other left and right? oh god i can't take sweeps of this shit, don't leave me alone here, please don't)
31405	SOLLUX: ehehehehe.
31406	KANAYA: Well
31407	KANAYA: All Right
31408	KANAYA: But Must We Really Leave So Soon
31409	ROSE: It's soon or never. But not immediately.
31410	ROSE: Even if the route were accessible right now, it would still behoove us to wait.
31411	ROSE: There's correspondence from John yet to arrive.
31412	DAVE: whoa really
31413	ROSE: And after that, we have to wait for one final guest to appear.
31414	ROSE: Then we ride like the solar wind. The race will be afoot.
31415	KANAYA: Wait Another Visitor
31416	KANAYA: Who
31417	KARKAT: FUCK!
31418	ROSE: Oh lord.
31419	ROSE: Now what?
31420	KARKAT: BRO, WHERE THE FUCK IS YOUR BODY
31421	KARKAT: SOLLUX, WHERE DID YOUR BODY GO???
31422	SOLLUX: hell if i kn0w.
31423	ARADIA: oh nooo :(
31424	KARKAT: WAIT A MINUTE.
31425	KARKAT: WAIT JUST A FUCKING MINUTE, WHERE'S...
31426	KARKAT: SHIT
31427	KARKAT: VRISKA'S BODY IS GONE TOO!
31428	DAVE: wait
31429	DAVE: shes dead too
31430	TEREZI: 3R...
31431	DAVE: you guys are so messed up
31432	KARKAT: WHERE ARE THEY?
31433	KARKAT: DID ANYONE SEE WHAT HAPPENED??
31434	KARKAT: DAMMIT, WHEN THE FUCK WILL I LEARN NOT TO TURN MY BACK ON THE BODIES.
31435	KARKAT: HOLD ON
31436	KARKAT: OH NO, WHERE'S GAMZEE
31437	KANAYA: He Took Them
31438	KANAYA: Look At The Trails
31439	KARKAT: OHHHH FUCK
31440	KARKAT: NO, FUCK NO, FUCK THAT CORPSE HOARDING SACK OF HORRIBLE GARBAGE.
31441	DAVE: wait has the juggalo troll been giving you guys fits like this or something
31442	DAVE: like this is a thing
31443	DAVE: like a pattern
31444	KARKAT: NICE GUESS SHIT HEAD!
31445	DAVE: oh man one of you has got to sit me down and tell me what actually happened here it all just sounds fuckin amazing in sort of the stupidest way possible
31446	DAVE: i mean like personal tragedies notwithstanding
31447	KARKAT: YEAH, HE DOES THIS
31448	KARKAT: HE SORT OF COLLECTS BODIES AND DECAPITATES THEM AND STUFF
31449	KARKAT: STICKS THEM IN BIG SCIENCE JARS, FOR SOME REASON??
31450	KANAYA: Im Pretty Sure He Kisses Them Too Sometimes
31451	KARKAT: NO NO NO I'M NOT LISTENING TO SHIT LIKE THAT, I DIDN'T EVEN HEAR THAT.
31452	KARKAT: IT'S LIKE
31453	KARKAT: YOU KNOW HOW EVERY NOW AND THEN YOUR LUSUS WILL BRING SOME RANDOM ASS DEAD ANIMAL BACK TO YOUR HIVE FOR NO FUCKING REASON
31454	KARKAT: AND THEY DON'T EVER STOP DOING THAT NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU YELL
31455	KARKAT: IT'S LIKE THAT, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN
31456	DAVE: not really
31457	DAVE: oh wait
31458	DAVE: against all odds i sorta do
31459	DAVE: mine actually did do that once
31460	KARKAT: YES, THERE YOU GO.
31461	DAVE: when i was really young
31462	DAVE: he made this stupid leather bib for me out of a goddamn horse
31463	DAVE: for the ironies obviously
31464	ROSE: Was that the one you mentioned had a pink heart on it?
31465	DAVE: yeah
31466	ROSE: Hmm.
31467	DAVE: what
31468	ROSE: It's just that with the clarity afforded by my new abilities, it occurred to me just now that dead horse was likely the beautiful pet pony my mother gave me recently.
31469	ROSE: It was crushed to death by your newborn ass.
31470	ROSE: You bastard.
31471	DAVE: well shit
31472	DAVE: thats a hell of a mystery no one thought was a mystery and didnt even really need solving
31473	DAVE: but damn if it didnt just get solved so nice work
31474	ROSE: Thanks.
31475	KARKAT: KANAYA WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
31476	KANAYA: Clown Hunting
31477	KARKAT: OH NO...
31478	KARKAT: ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO DO THAT?
31479	KARKAT: I MEAN WHO EVEN REALLY CARES IF HE STOLE MORE BODIES.
31480	KARKAT: HE CAN HAVE THEM FRANKLY, AS LONG AS IT KEEPS HIM OUT OF TROUBLE.
31481	KARKAT: WE DON'T NEED TO HAVE A FUCKING CORPSE PARTY, SERIOUSLY, FUCK THAT DUMB IDEA.
31482	KANAYA: ...
31483	KARKAT: ALRIGHT IF YOU'RE REALLY GOING TO GO
31484	KARKAT: JUST
31485	KARKAT: BE CAREFUL
31486	KARKAT: NO MORE POINTLESS BLOODSHED, OK? THAT'S AN ORDER!
31487	KARKAT: WAIT FUCK
31488	KARKAT: I'M NOT LEADER ANYMORE
31489	KARKAT: ROSE CAN YOU ORDER HER TO DO THAT?
31490	KARKAT: SAY WHAT I JUST SAID, REALLY ANGRILY
31491	KARKAT: ASSUMING YOU CAN EVEN *BE* ANGRY.
31492	ROSE: ...
31493	KARKAT: WAIT
31494	KARKAT: GUYS SOMETHING'S HAPPENING...
31495	KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON NOW???
31496	KARKAT: HOLY
31497	KARKAT: FUCKING
31498	KARKAT: SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
31499	KARKAT: HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
31500	KARKAT: IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
31501	KARKAT: IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTTT.
31502	hey everybody!
31503	this is john. actually, it is john, jade, and dave sprite. we all contributed to the contents of this bucket! we have to make it quick because apparently you're about to go on a long journey, just like us. i'm sorry we can't be there for the big meetup. karkat, i deeply regret that i will not be present for these highly touted "TROLL/HUMAN SLOPPY MAKEOUTS", ha ha. maybe in three years, assuming you all aren't totally smooched out by then!!! (i am just kidding around, btw.) rose and dave, you both look totally sweet! i can't believe you're both god tiers now. did you know jade is too? also, she has dog ears. she looks fantastic. how cool is it that we're all god tiers? it's like we're a super hero team, or some kind of anime squad. like the sailor moons, i guess, but not as lame, or as sexy. i'm going to miss the hell out of you both for the next few years. i'm already looking forward to this new session so hard. it was a fun adventure we had today, wasn't it? i'll even miss talking to the trolls too. say hi to them for me, even though i didn't get to know many. except karkat obviously, and oh yeah, vriska too. vriska, if you read this, thanks again for all your help. i don't think i'd have made it this far if not for you! i just thought you should know that.
31504	jade and dave sprite both say hi and send their best wishes. but now jade says i have to finish quickly! she wants me to throw this bucket and its heartfelt payload through her mysterious portal. so here i go.
31505	see you all in 3 years!!!
31506	~john
31507	DAVE: whos this guy
31508	ROSE: The visitor I mentioned earlier.
31509	ROSE: He will be traveling with us too.
31510	DAVE: is he dead
31511	ROSE: We should be able to get him some help along the way.
31512	ROSE: But only if we leave immediately.
31513	ROSE: Luckily for him, we have no alternative. Jack will arrive soon.
31514	TEREZI: WH4T!
31515	ROSE: When I said the race would be afoot, I was being literal.
31516	ROSE: He will follow our trail, and match our speed.
31517	ROSE: And since this is not the ideal scenario for a final showdown, the best we can hope to do is outrun him.
31518	KARKAT: SOUNDS LIKE IT'S TIME TO HIT THE FUCKING ROAD THEN
31519	KARKAT: HOW DO WE MAKE THIS THING GO ANYWAY. DOES IT HAVE ROCKETS OR SOMETHING I DON'T KNOW ABOUT??
31520	ROSE: Maybe it does. I'm not sure.
31521	ROSE: But one good push in the right direction should be all we need.
31522	ARADIA: i can help with that!
31523	ARADIA: sollux do you think you can lend me a hand?
31524	SOLLUX: huh?
31525	ARADIA: theyll need the biggest push we can give them
31526	SOLLUX: 0h.
31527	SOLLUX: yeah sure.
31528	KARKAT: WHAT, SO JUST ONE "PUSH" IS GOING TO LAST THREE YEARS?
31529	KARKAT: LET ALONE OUTRUN JACK?? BULLSHIT.
31530	SOLLUX: calm down kk, it sh0uld be fine.
31531	SOLLUX: y0u won't sl0w down.
31532	KARKAT: HOW THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW THAT?
31533	ROSE: Troll Isaac Newton told him.
31534	KARKAT: OK, WHATEVER, LET'S JUST GET ON WITH IT.
31535	KARKAT: IN THE MEANTIME WE SHOULD SET UP SOME SORT OF CHECKPOINT PERIMETER AROUND THE DEAD MAYOR GUY.
31536	KARKAT: JUST SO GAMZEE DOESN'T TRY TO HOARD HIS BODY OR CHOP OFF HIS HEAD.
31537	DAVE: what is he the mayor of anyway
31538	DAVE: it kinda looks like he just made that sash himself
31539	KARKAT: HE'S THE DULY ELECTED MAYOR OF THE FRUITY RUMPUS ASSHOLE FACTORY, AND HE JUST CUT THE RIBBON TO A BRAND NEW MUSEUM FULL OF PRICELESS SHUT THE FUCK UP.
31540	ARADIA: ok you guys can keep arguing if you like but im going to send you on your way now
31541	ARADIA: then after you leave i should be able to buy you a little more time
31542	KARKAT: HOW'S THAT?
31543	ARADIA: when jack comes ill slow him down for a while
31544	ARADIA: it wont be for very long but its the best i can do!
31545	ROSE: That should help us greatly.
31546	ROSE: Thank you, Aradia.
31547	ARADIA: youre welcome!
31548	ARADIA: are you ready sollux?
31549	You are Jane Crocker again.
31550	And once again, you have woken up on the moon of Prospit, without any recollection of how you fell asleep. You think you were going outside to get the mail? You can't remember.
31551	The moon is presently eclipsing Skaia. From your fanciful dream room atop your golden tower, you have seen many remarkable things in the clouds. Things which you cannot explain.
31552	But against all better judgment, you have a feeling that what you are fondly regarding could very well be some sort of miracle.
31553	The miracle of a new beginning.
31554	Another coffin clogger bites the dust.
31555	Two down. Two to go.
31556	Jane is too dead at the moment to be Jack Noir.
31557	Jack Noir just bees himself instead.
31558	Get this shit outta the way. You're a busy bureaucrat. The clock is ticking, and time is dead kids.
31559	The moment rapidly approaches. You're gonna show these alabaster sons of bitches how a cold war is done. You can't wait to read it in their papers. "The Maid is dead. Our Life is pathetic, blah blah blah." Or somesuch monotone drivel overheard during one of their pointless, weepy cadaver parades. There'll be no mistaking it this time. No servant will discover the body and inform the queen that Prospit's remaining hero passed in her sleep, peacefully and mysteriously. When the clock strikes twelve, no one in this wretched kingdom will have any doubt who's calling the shots here.
31560	You're gonna bring this whole goddamn ball down.
31561	You touch base with your administration's top powdermonkey, none other than Dersite bumbler extraordinaire, the Courtyard Droll.
31562	You ask if he's done rigging the tower to blow. He says you bet. You say good, over. But he mutters something over the radio you don't quite catch. You say what is it. He says oh nothing boss. You say out with it. He asks, isn't this cheating? Assassinating the heroes like this before the war's even really begun. You say what do you care, just follow your orders. He says oh of course, no question, he just thought it was against the rules or something. You say it's all fair game now that the kingdom's under new management. The new boss ain't opposed to taking some shrewd tactical shortcuts. You like the cut of her jib. He says he supposes he can't complain. Her policy toward elaborate hats seems to be as lenient as the old queen's. You say will you shut up about the hats. He says it's probably because she wears the most grand and luxurious fluffy hat he's ever seen. You say you don't think that's a hat. You think it's something called "hair." He says oh.
31563	You say now quit all the yapping and following your damn orders. He says ok, but it still just feels wrong. You say what does. He says he doesn't know, just something about feeding that poor sleeping boy all those deadly peanuts just felt wrong. You say you don't care if it felt like a fucking full body massage, just get those bombs ready to blow, over and out.
31564	Wait.
31565	Fed him what?
31566	He says the intelligence report he had said the kid wouldn't take well to peanuts. So he snuck in there with a whole bag of them. You know, like the kind from circuses.
31567	He says he ate most of them because they were delicious, and as far as he knows, aren't poisonous to most everybody else. But he did save a few to get the job done, because he is a professional who always carries out his orders.
31568	It's not easy feeding a sleeping boy some peanuts, he says. He says he had to work extra hard to put them in his mouth and then use his hands to make his mouth chew up the nuts.
31569	But mission accomplished nonetheless, he tells you. You should be pleased to know those nuts were super deadly! Though to be fair he doesn't know if he died from the poison, or just choked on a bunch of barely chewed peanut bits. You know what else is super deadly, you say? Knives. Sharp deadly knives you stick in people's soft torsos to make them bleed until they die.
31570	He doesn't have anything to say to that.
31571	You say forget it, what's done is done. The Prospitian heroes are dead, and that's all that matters. Just be ready to detonate at the appointed time. He says roger that, but wonders if there are any more orders after that. He asks, what about the other two? The ones on our moon? And most importantly, is there any particular snack that is poisonous to them? You say forget about those two. They're much trickier to deal with. You've got the Dignitary working on it now. You'll get a report from him soon when you return. You wouldn't have even bothered leaving in the first place, but you wanted to make the trip personally and stick it to all these self righteous, Skaia-bathing goody twoshoeses yourself.
31572	Hang on. Something's happening here. You gotta go.
31573	This can't be good.
31574	You better hit the road and blow this joint, before the dead broad does some sorta...
31575	Lifey thing.
31576	What the heck just happened?
31577	Now you remember. The mailbox was boobytrapped. But you survived somehow, and got knocked out.
31578	How did you get all the way over here?
31579	Dad seems just as dumbfounded as you are, and more than a little distraught.
31580	Did Lil' Seb whisk you away in the nick of time? Can that little bunny really move that fast? Where is he??
31581	You suppose you should let dad know you're ok. But it's been so long since you've enjoyed such a massive PRANKSTER'S GAMBIT in an exchange with the old man. It's hard not to bask in it, if only for a few seconds.
31582	Oh. It's the GOD CAT again. You guess that explains it.
31583	Just look at that aloof little bastard. He doesn't give a shit about anything, does he?
31584	You guess you should feel grateful toward him for saving your life, but you know he's just as likely to rescue you from an explosion as he is to randomly teleport you across town, forcing you to call your dad and ask for a ride home, while you spend all day standing in some random field in the pouring rain while you wait hours for your dad to come and pick you up after he gets lost because he plugged the wrong place into google maps.
31585	Even if you were inclined to do that, he wouldn't respond to that name. You're pretty sure he doesn't have a name. You and your friends just call him the GCat for lack of anything else to call him. Everybody has opinions, but nobody can agree on a good name. You think he probably doesn't want a name. He's just a feisty stray who likes to meddle with your life, then vanish for weeks at a time.
31586	Uh oh. Looks like the jig is up, yet again. Is the jig ever ANYWHERE but up?? That's what you want to know.
31587	You feel bad about leaving him in suspense for even a moment. Your gambit gets totally rocked by a guilty conscience.
31588	He tells you to get inside this instant.
31589	You get inside this instant, and march back up to your bedroom. Dad didn't say as much, but it's a safe bet you are now permagrounded for life.
31590	You hear a loud thump just outside your door.
31591	As long as you just got done paying the piper, you might as well get busy eating all this goddamn crow. Oh so much of the stuff has gathered on your plate.
31592	She appears to be online now. It looks like she sent you the "hacked" file while you were away.
31593	GG: Heyyy.
31594	GG: Ahem.
31595	GG: Ro-Lal?
31596	TG: oopos sry
31597	TG: was havin important chats
31598	GG: Oh?
31599	GG: With whom?
31600	TG: w yet anather ineligible fuckin bachelor who elfe i have to talk 2
31601	GG: Yeah.
31602	GG: Um... which one, precisely?
31603	TG: di stri
31604	TG: insmufferable prick mf'r extroariadinnere
31605	TG: *lol wow
31606	TG: *extradinner
31607	TG: *heheh yum
31608	GG: If the chats and surplus dinners were truly important, I wouldn't want to interrupt.
31609	TG: tchhhh
31610	TG: of course not jus the usual bs
31611	TG: chats with u always get precedance anyways
31612	TG: unless this is more of u givin me shit about not believing me on all my sick tru facts
31613	GG: Actually,
31614	GG: That's what I wanted to talk to you about.
31615	TG: i c
31616	TG: go on..........
31617	GG: You see, I was just the target of another assassination attempt.
31618	TG: @@@
31619	TG: fuck*!!!
31620	GG: Two, in fact! One here in the real world, as I attempted to retrieve the mail.
31621	GG: Luckily it was thwarted by a certain cat who shall remain nameless.
31622	TG: hehehe oh man
31623	TG: god cat
31624	TG: bbf
31625	TG: *good
31626	TG: *bff
31627	TG: *no wait
31628	TG: *god wuz right
31629	TG: fuckit
31630	TG: *both spellins r true
31631	GG: But in the process of being rescued from the explosion, I was knocked unconscious.
31632	GG: And in my dream, there was another assassination attempt.
31633	GG: This one I believe was successful!
31634	TG: uhoh
31635	GG: I'm becoming convinced that our "dream selves" are being picked off by violent hooligans.
31636	TG: shit
31637	TG: hooliginas
31638	TG: * ...
31639	TG: * yes
31640	TG: but i think u mean
31641	TG: batterwitch thugs
31642	GG: Perhaps.
31643	GG: The one who accosted me was a knife-wielding lunatic.
31644	GG: And it's reasonable to deduce the same forces were responsible for Jake's death on Prospit as well.
31645	GG: It looks like we are in the clutches of an actual caper. A real life mystery!
31646	GG: Which under different circumstances would be quite exciting.
31647	GG: But the truth is, I think we are all in great danger!
31648	TG: well fuck
31649	TG: i guess its time to take this shit up to RED ALART
31650	TG: to where its been for like fuckin ever jane
31651	GG: Yeah, yeah. :p
31652	GG: But that wasn't all there was to the dream.
31653	GG: Shortly before I was stabbed, I had a rather long gander at Skaia.
31654	TG: a gander u say
31655	GG: Yes.
31656	TG: how good a gander
31657	GG: I would say a pretty substantial gander.
31658	TG: ok
31659	TG: and during this totaly massive gander u snagged
31660	TG: what did you see
31661	GG: I saw things in the clouds.
31662	TG: things
31663	GG: Yes.
31664	GG: Things.
31665	TG: wut things
31666	GG: Things happening in the future, I think.
31667	GG: Many events pertaining to us. All of us, and other people I didn't recognize.
31668	GG: It was a bit overwhelming.
31669	GG: It made me feel small. Insignificant, relative to whatever it is we're about to involve ourselves with.
31670	GG: And honestly...
31671	GG: It made me feel pretty foolish too.
31672	TG: foolish
31673	TG: why foofish
31674	TG: *sdjhf
31675	GG: I began to wonder why I ever had the audacity to think I know much of anything about the world we live in or the journey we're about to take.
31676	GG: Or to think I could ever rule anything out.
31677	GG: I have a feeling that whatever I saw, it means you've been telling the truth all along.
31678	GG: About everything.
31679	GG: And I'm starting to feel like a complete idiot for doubting you.
31680	TG: aw man :(
31681	GG: I've been one great big horse's caboose, and I think you're owed an apology.
31682	GG: Do you think you can forgive me?
31683	TG: jane
31684	TG: damn
31685	TG: ur makin me feel like shit here
31686	GG: Why?
31687	TG: uuuun
31688	TG: eh no reason
31689	TG: just uh
31690	TG: hey did u dl the game file i sent yet
31691	GG: I did.
31692	GG: And at this point, I guess I have no choice but to use it. I guess you were a step ahead of me yet again.
31693	TG: why
31694	GG: Because the one in the mail detonated in my most recent assassination attempt.
31695	TG: WHAT
31696	TG: of fuck those HACKS
31697	TG: the old explobing game trick woh would stoup to such lowbrow shegnannagings like that
31698	TG: *somany sweet typos
31699	GG: :B
31700	TG: that witch just mafes me FUCKINK FRUIOUS sometites
31701	GG: Hoo hoo! The tactic was quite underhanded, yes.
31702	TG: yeaaah
31703	TG: uh so
31704	TG: what were we talking about again
31705	TG: soory im just worked up ovr it
31706	GG: I don't blame you.
31707	GG: Where we were, by my estimation, was a place wherein I was about to awkwardly attempt to swallow a helping of humble pie.
31708	GG: To somehow make it up to you for my years of stubborn mistrust.
31709	TG: hey jane
31710	TG: wasnt that a bunch a splip infinitives...
31711	GG: Hm?
31712	TG: *split
31713	TG: to awkwardly attemt
31714	TG: to somehow make it up !
31715	GG: Oh!!!
31716	TG: lul so busted
31717	GG: Oh gosh, what a doofus.
31718	GG: You see?? I clearly don't have all the answers!
31719	GG: I really had some nerve challenging anyone, on practically any subject.
31720	TG: dont beat urself up too bad we both know that rule is bullshit anyway
31721	TG: you hold yourself to too high a standard and those standards kinda leak out and start gettin applied to other people i guess sometimes
31722	TG: you really dont have to apologize janey or eat humble pip or anything all youve got to do is maybe not be such a huge tightass all the time
31723	GG: That's fair. But I would still like to make a gesture.
31724	GG: Even if it's one partially motivated by self interest, seeing as I clearly have much to learn.
31725	TG: ?
31726	GG: I would like to give you a free pass for a day.
31727	GG: It is good for twenty-four solid hours of absolute credulity from your best friend.
31728	TG: ........
31729	GG: :B
31730	TG: ok waitin 4 u to say wtf youre exacly talkin about
31731	GG: It means that starting now, whatever you tell me, I will have to believe you.
31732	GG: I promise!
31733	TG: o rly
31734	GG: Yes.
31735	TG: ooooooooooh................
31736	GG: Um,
31737	GG: Are you there?
31738	GG: Ro???
31739	TG: (shh)
31740	TG: (thisis a dramantic pause calm ur tits)
31741	GG: Oh.
31742	GG: Hmm.
31743	GG: Exactly how dramatic are we talking, here?
31744	GG: Shall I go retrieve a magazine?
31745	TG: RLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY??????
31746	GG: Sigh.
31747	TG: kay then
31748	TG: what do you want me 2 say
31749	TG: for you to autobelieve in
31750	GG: Hmm.
31751	GG: Everything, I guess. I'd like to get completely up to speed, if possible.
31752	TG: yeah
31753	TG: but
31754	TG: im pretty sure i already said everything
31755	TG: want me to just
31756	TG: sayit all again.....
31757	GG: Some reiteration certainly couldn't hurt.
31758	GG: But this time I won't work so hard to sift the fantastical from the plausible.
31759	TG: so like
31760	TG: stuffs i said about my mom or
31761	GG: Sure.
31762	TG: ok well fors tarters
31763	TG: she really is the notable author u know
31764	GG: Oh, I know that!
31765	GG: That was always something I had no trouble believing, considering the public documentation even reclusive celebrities receive.
31766	GG: And frankly, the family resemblance is obvious.
31767	TG: yup
31768	GG: Anyway, it would be disingenuous if I found your relation far fetched, since we're all apparently related to noteworthy people. It's just one of those funny things.
31769	TG: true dat
31770	TG: then
31771	TG: what else can i talk about
31772	TG: like her occolt majyyks and stuff
31773	TG: because i dont know a whole lot about the mayjjykks
31774	TG: besides th fact that theyre all real as shit can get
31775	GG: Maybe we should start at the very beginning.
31776	TG: ok
31777	TG: but the begninning was a hecka long time a go
31778	GG: Do you remember around when we first started talking?
31779	TG: y
31780	GG: And you claimed you were the one making my pumpkins disappear?
31781	TG: hahAHA
31782	TG: *aha
31783	TG: y :3
31784	GG: You later proceeded to try to prove to me that what you were saying was true.
31785	GG: But none of your attempts thereafter would ever bear any fruit, pardon the pun.
31786	TG: k but it aint pardoned because a pumpkin aint even a fruit
31787	TG: its a big orange porch thing for holloween numbnuts
31788	GG: Yes, I know what pumpkins are. It was a joke, silly.
31789	GG: What I'm trying to say is, in thinking back to those days, when you couldn't verify your claims, it made me think the whole thing was a big ruse.
31790	GG: And I think this unfortunately began a pattern of mistrust. It was always hard to rule out the possibility that you could be joking about other things as well.
31791	TG: yeah
31792	TG: but its not my fault i mean appeafrification tech is notoriously unreliable
31793	TG: remember
31794	TG: i xplained this
31795	TG: i cant just always appearify stuff from you any time i want
31796	TG: i can only take stuff im "allowed" 2 which is pmuch random
31797	TG: like stuff that by takin id be messing up the time line cause that stuff is supposed to be there and serve some funciton it hasnt served yet
31798	TG: so most of the time if i try all i get is slime on my end
31799	TG: but pumpins 4 some reason are a lil easier to take i dunno why
31800	TG: like they are specifically and arbitrorily unhinged from spacetime
31801	TG: is spooooko
31802	TG: *ky
31803	GG: I couldn't begin to explain the science behind such a technology either.
31804	GG: But I guess the important thing is, regardless of how or why it works, this is a story you continue to stand by?
31805	GG: That is, you are still taking credit for the mysterious disappearance of all those pumpkins I grew years ago?
31806	TG: f yeah
31807	TG: i so gonked your gaurds jane
31808	GG: ...
31809	GG: Did you gank them when my gourd was down?
31810	TG: * yes
31811	TG: * yes i did exectly that
31812	TG: snatched ur patch sucka!!!!!!
31813	TG: hehe
31814	GG: Very well!
31815	GG: Then I believe that is what happened.
31816	GG: That's all I am trying to say here.
31817	TG: so
31818	TG: ok
31819	TG: u believe that
31820	TG: now what??
31821	GG: Now... nothing, really.
31822	GG: You may continue to tell me anything you would like with the confidence that I won't doubt you.
31823	GG: So by all means, go ahead!
31824	TG: ok gotit
31825	TG: so jane
31826	TG: whas tit feel like 2 get stabbed by a bab guy
31827	GG: Oh, come on!
31828	TG: huh
31829	GG: That is a question!
31830	TG: yeah so
31831	GG: It's not any sort of revelation, or statement for me to take at face value.
31832	GG: Dadburn it. This isn't that difficult!
31833	GG: And for the record, it's not great.
31834	TG: whats not
31835	GG: GETTING STABBED BY A BAD GUY. IT ISN'T ALL THAT PEACHY.
31836	TG: yeah i bet
31837	TG: musta suuuucked
31838	TG: or
31839	TG: dream sucked idk
31840	GG: So, you're not in the mood to tell me things?
31841	TG: no i am
31842	TG: im psyched about u wanting to believe me and all
31843	TG: but part of me still feels like i should prove it
31844	TG: like i tried to once
31845	TG: it was just frustratin i mean im a sciestist i should be able 2 prove my shit
31846	TG: like
31847	TG: subject my claims to the fuckin madrigogs
31848	GG: Um...
31849	GG: Madrigogs?
31850	TG: *mad rigors
31851	TG: u know what i mean???
31852	GG: Yeah, I understand.
31853	TG: i mean trust between friends is sweet and everything but i dont know if i wanta be the repipient of like a butt load of pity believins
31854	GG: It's not about pity!
31855	GG: It's more like a gesture I'm trying to make.
31856	GG: Or maybe that's not quite right.
31857	GG: It has more to do with setting things right for myself than making it up to you.
31858	GG: Does that make sense?
31859	TG: .............
31860	GG: Shoot, I'm doing such a terrible job explaining this! :(
31861	TG: (patiently sips bev rage)
31862	GG: The bottom line is, I WANT to believe the things you say now.
31863	GG: That's all you need to know!
31864	TG: ok thats good
31865	TG: i want that 2 buuuuuuut
31866	TG: i still wanna prove it irregardlessly!!!!!!!`
31867	GG: *Shudders uncontrollably at "word" usage.*
31868	TG: whoops sry
31869	TG: * still WANT TO prove it irregaurdlesally
31870	TG: ^ all fixed tght as fuck
31871	TG: so u down for one last try
31872	GG: Sure!
31873	TG: k lets get busay
31874	TG: what you want 2c me disappearify
31875	GG: I don't know.
31876	GG: The baking chest, maybe?
31877	TG: too big
31878	TG: i got size restrictions here
31879	TG: bigger stuff takes huge amount sof power to swipe
31880	TG: so this gizmo i have has a built in size cap
31881	TG: like somethin as big as you for insance
31882	TG: i cant take
31883	TG: believe me ive triiiied
31884	GG: D'aw.
31885	GG: That's sweet of you, I guess?
31886	TG: was totes sweet of me to try and steal you for the hangouts but it dint work becuse of BUULBSHIT
31887	TG: but i can take stuff somewhat smaller
31888	GG: What are the restrictions?
31889	TG: just dump your shit on the floor
31890	TG: tell me everything thats there
31891	GG: Well, what immediately catches my attention is this enormous book.
31892	GG: I wonder how it squares with your size restriction?
31893	TG: wut book
31894	GG: My Unabridged Sassacre's!
31895	GG: It's a very rare edition, and a precious family heirloom, so I don't know if it would make an ideal candidate for the journey.
31896	TG: no no r u kidding that shit is perfect
31897	TG: should be just the right size like big but just barkley not too big
31898	GG: But what if it gets damaged!
31899	TG: pshhhhh itll be set fire
31900	GG: Oh! Silly me, what was I even worried about!
31901	TG: errr
31902	TG: ahahaha man
31903	TG: * sent
31904	TG: ** fine
31905	GG: That wasn't even a Freudian slip.
31906	GG: Doctor Freud just tripped over an errant phallus, tumbled down a flight of stairs, and broke his neck.
31907	GG: And then his cigar exploded comically in his face.
31908	TG: ffffFROLOFL
31909	TG: jane ur funy
31910	TG: (omg still lolig @ that word boner i made ooomg)
31911	GG: It was spectacular.
31912	TG: but 4 real i wont set ur fuckin joke book on fire jane
31913	TG: it doesnt even do that even if it goes the worst kinds of wrog
31914	GG: Couldn't we send Wise Guy instead?
31915	GG: At least it can be easily replaced.
31916	TG: jane
31917	GG: ?
31918	TG: jaaanae
31919	GG: HM??
31920	TG: FUCK wise guy
31921	TG: ist would be SO LAME ass a giguinea pig book
31922	TG: goddam who m i kidding i dont even no how to spell giguinea pig whilst sober
31923	TG: coud be sober as a churchchrist and lookat it..... giunae.... guinea... idk shit looks intrinsnically fucked typographically speakin
31924	TG: sooo FUCK that wrod and FUCK those parcicultar pigs
31925	GG: No, I reject your proposal that we "fuck" Wise Guy, whatever that actually means, or for that matter, the spelling of any adorable rodents named after African nations.
31926	TG: jane
31927	TG: are u being a tightass again
31928	GG: I don't... think so?
31929	TG: we talked about this
31930	GG: About what?
31931	TG: about you benig a tightass
31932	GG: I am not being a tightass!
31933	TG: janey
31934	TG: it seems 2 me
31935	TG: that there is a (MATHS) % chance of you bein a huge tightass
31936	TG: are u bein a huge tightass on me jane
31937	GG: Oh god dammit.
31938	GG: Take the book! What do I care!!!
31939	TG: yessss thast the spirpit
31940	TG: now u are believin w petrol
31941	GG: I fail to see what offering up a priceless book for your wildly capricious science experiment has to do with my resolution to be less stingy with my beliefs, but alright.
31942	TG: haha will u relax abt the book
31943	TG: im only just teasing cause theres like practically a 100 percant chance this wont wonk like alwasy
31944	TG: * wort work like always
31945	TG: sooooo
31946	TG: ready/
31947	GG: Yes, let's just get on with it.
31948	GG: It worked!
31949	GG: The book is gone!
31950	TG: oh no
31951	TG: aaaawwwww shit
31952	GG: What is it?
31953	TG: shit shit shitsh it
31954	GG: Did you receive the book?
31955	TG: shoiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit
31956	TG: SHITSHITSHITHISTHITSHITSTHI
31957	GG: Don't tell me.
31958	GG: The book is damaged somehow, isn't it?
31959	TG: ffuuuuuuuuuuuk :(
31960	GG: Sigh. Is it at least SOMEWHAT intact?
31961	GG: Or was it completely incinerated in transit?
31962	GG: I just KNEW we should have used Wise Guy. I can't believe this.
31963	TG: dont worry
31964	TG: the book itself is topes fine :*
31965	TG: *:9
31966	TG: *dsjf :(
31967	GG: Oh.
31968	GG: Then what's the problem?
31969	TG: fffff
31970	TG: im so stupid :(
31971	TG: so stupoid so stupud soos tupob :(((
31972	GG: Will you tell me what happened??
31973	TG: gotta go bbl
31974	TG: well talk abt important stuffs l8r
31975	TG: ps jane ty 4 believin me
31976	TG: OH SHIT
31977	TG: on last thing jane
31978	TG: DO NOT RUN THEFILE I SENT U BEFORE I GET BACK
31979	TG: i need 2
31980	TG: uh
31981	TG: just dont w/o me ok
31982	TG: fuuuuuuuuiiiuickl :'(
31983	You wonder what her deal was. It's always something with her.
31984	You again notice her game file, beckoning you to play. But she warned you not to until she gets back. Phooey.
31985	Oh hey, you just noticed your SLIGHTLY ABRIDGED EDITION of Sassacre's over there on the floor. You guess you could have sent the much less valuable copy and saved a lot of arguing. But what's done is done. There's more reading material sprinkled about, too. You've clearly got some time to kill before your bffsy gets back from her emergency. Might as well do some casual reading.
31986	But there's nothing casual about hoisting even an abridged Sassacre's up to your lap, so forget that. There's always GAME GRL. But the articles are all a bit vapid, and in your view, somewhat demeaning to female gamers, and women in general. You and Ro-Lal are convinced the whole thing is just written by the same odious d-bags who write GAME BRO. Which is exactly what makes it GOOD 4 THE ELL YOU ELLZ, her words.
31987	Speaking of bros, and the games they play...
31988	You've read this a million times already. It's one of your favorite gifts.
31989	Another gander at it sure couldn't hurt.
31990	Later, about halfway through the book, rather than see the gag through to the bitter end, Strider began pasting over entire pages of original text with his own completely rewritten version of the story, while keeping all the chapter titles. His revision is a tough, emotionally draining read. But it's cathartic, in all the worst ways possible.
31991	He tends to get carried away with his projects.
31992	You try to distract yourself with Strider's literature, but it's no use. Your curiosity is overwhelming. Lalonde could be gone for hours, for all you know. Surely there couldn't be any harm in just installing the file, could there?
31993	That's an odd extension for a file. You don't think you've ever seen it before.
31994	It doesn't even seem to install anything. It just runs a small application when you execute it.
31995	Looks like you're one keypress away from playing. Do you dare?
31996	What?
31997	God you wish stuff would stop exploding.
31998	TT: I should probably warn you.
31999	GG: About what?
32000	GG: Yet another exploding game trap?
32001	TT: Well shit.
32002	TT: She already sent it?
32003	GG: Yes.
32004	GG: But to be fair, she warned me not to run it.
32005	TT: That's weird.
32006	GG: Why?
32007	GG: She was probably just trying to protect me from the Batterwitch's latest assassination attempt.
32008	GG: Sheesh, I can't believe you all finally got me saying "Batterwitch" too. Who would have thought?
32009	TT: No, it's weird because Lalonde was the one who rigged it to explode.
32010	TT: It's a bogus copy she coded herself. The real game file she downloaded is totally legit.
32011	GG: What? Really?
32012	TT: Got it right here myself. Checked it out.
32013	TT: File's fuckin' clean as a whistle.
32014	TT: A whistle that overcame a major substance abuse problem. Trying to get its life back on track.
32015	TT: The whistle is holding down a steady job now. It's taking things one day at a time.
32016	TT: Eat a fuckin' dinner off that whistle.
32017	GG: ...
32018	TT: Ok I'll shut up.
32019	GG: Why would she do that?
32020	TT: To accomplish exactly what it sounds like got accomplished.
32021	TT: You narrowly averting the "fake" threat to your life, then getting your shit all hot and bothered at the Baroness over it.
32022	TT: Then you abdicate your heiress throne or something, and give up on this game as a big fuck you to the genocidal cake alien.
32023	GG: But...
32024	GG: If she felt so strongly that I shouldn't play, she could have told me.
32025	GG: Or, told me more forcefully, I guess. I would have listened!
32026	GG: Maybe.
32027	GG: :(
32028	TT: She's working through some problems right now.
32029	TT: Really doesn't want us to play that game.
32030	TT: So I guess this was the insane stunt she whipped up to derail the inevitable.
32031	TT: Kinda reckless for my tastes.
32032	TT: One of the above statements is a fucking lie, are you gutsy enough a gumshoe to spot it.
32033	GG: Maybe she was justified in taking such an extreme measure. I sure hadn't been taking her seriously.
32034	GG: She even warned me not to play it until she got back, but I went ahead anyway because I was too impatient!
32035	GG: Actually...
32036	GG: Now that I think about it, she was probably going to disarm it or such when she got back, seeing as her objective had essentially been accomplished already by an ACTUAL assassination attempt.
32037	GG: After that, I told her I would believe her about everything.
32038	GG: That probably made her feel guilty about setting me up, so she told me not to touch the file until she returned.
32039	TT: Sounds about right.
32040	GG: But then I went ahead and ran it anyway like a doofus.
32041	GG: I think she just wanted to be believed.
32042	GG: Shucks.
32043	GG: Am I an awful friend?
32044	TT: Nope.
32045	GG: I'm not so sure about that.
32046	TT: Well, before you go taking a massive sad crap all over your friendship credentials, consider this.
32047	TT: Only she could manage to blow up your computer with a nasty deathloop virus and somehow make YOU be the one to feel shitty about it.
32048	GG: Heh!
32049	GG: You're right.
32050	TT: Or maybe you're the one who uniquely fills the predicate in that construction.
32051	TT: I don't god damn know.
32052	TT: Your friendship with her is a half drunken three-legged relay race, and the baton is a stick of dynamite.
32053	TT: And you two are the only ones on the track. Me and English are watching from under the bleachers, high-fiving constantly.
32054	GG: I guess that's a pretty apt metaphor, even though it doesn't make the slightest bit of sense.
32055	TT: Yes.
32056	GG: I just wanted to start playing the game so badly!
32057	GG: Now more than ever. I have reason to believe the stakes have increased dramatically.
32058	TT: They have.
32059	TT: And they will continue to.
32060	GG: I think our dream counterparts are all marked for death, and if we are to stand a chance, we must move quickly.
32061	TT: I agree.
32062	TT: Just heard about your assassination on Prospit.
32063	GG: Oh, she told you already?
32064	TT: Who, RL? No.
32065	TT: I read it in a newspaper.
32066	GG: Um.
32067	GG: Are you being ironic again?
32068	TT: No.
32069	TT: I just picked up one of the sleazy Dersite tabloid rags.
32070	TT: Sometimes they'll feature some pretty entertaining gossip about the royalty or whatever.
32071	TT: But they're primarily dedicated to smearing Prospit. The press had a field day with the deaths of the Page and the Maid.
32072	GG: Dersite? You mean the other planet? The evil one?
32073	TT: Derse, yeah.
32074	TT: Not evil, necessarily. That's a bit simplistic. The kingdom represents the forces of opposition to Prospit and the four heroes. Us.
32075	GG: What did the story say about me?
32076	TT: "DEAD"
32077	TT: Was the big ass headline.
32078	TT: Then a photo of your dead body lying there, followed by a lot of bullshit slander.
32079	TT: It was also reported your tower exploded. They couldn't find the body to give it a proper funeral. Probably incinerated.
32080	GG: I didn't realize you had woken up in the game already.
32081	GG: When did that happen?
32082	TT: Dunno. Years ago. Don't really recall.
32083	GG: I guess I shouldn't act surprised you didn't tell me. What with all your highfalutin secrecy.
32084	TT: It's hard to explain.
32085	TT: I was never technically asleep there. I was awake without realizing it.
32086	TT: Then I realized it.
32087	TT: And I sorta learned how to be awake there while awake here too.
32088	TT: I am awake there now, albeit pretending to sleep.
32089	GG: Pretending? Why?
32090	TT: For one thing, it gets a bit distracting managing two alert bodies in different places at the same time.
32091	TT: And for another thing, it's better to maintain appearances.
32092	TT: Everyone on Derse believes their heroes haven't woken yet.
32093	TT: Though they are both rumored to be very active sleep walkers.
32094	TT: Which is half true. She can't ever seem to sleep still. Goes off wandering for days.
32095	TT: Sometimes I've gotta go round her up from some godforsaken cranny of the abyss. Drag her tipsy ass home, tuck her back in.
32096	TT: Maybe I'll chain her leg to the bed if she doesn't wake up soon.
32097	TT: Though in light of the recent assassinations, her slumbering attraction to the void probably works to her advantage. No one ever knows where she is.
32098	GG: I'm still not sure I'm following.
32099	GG: Why are you maintaining the appearance of being asleep? On Prospit, it seemed as if the people there regarded me and Jake very highly. Like celebrated figures.
32100	GG: Is it not the same way on Derse?
32101	TT: No, it's essentially the same situation here.
32102	TT: They glorify us the same way. Almost like we're their purple pajama'd team mascots. Even though they will completely oppose our objective when all is said and done.
32103	TT: Kinda ridiculous, really.
32104	TT: But even so, I think it's better to lay low, not alert anyone to my...
32105	TT: Alertness. <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/pcstrider.gif" border="0" />
32106	TT: That way I can sneak around and gather information. Do some reconnaissance before shit starts getting real.
32107	GG: In other words, read newspapers, get a feel for "the word on the street," and such?
32108	GG: As might a detective? :B
32109	TT: Yeah, among other things. Like keep an eye on agent activity.
32110	GG: You mean... secret agents??
32111	TT: No, more like high ranking officials.
32112	TT: Judging from your knife wound, I'm betting you were the victim of the Archagent himself.
32113	TT: You should feel honored, I guess.
32114	GG: Who's that?
32115	TT: A guy named Noir.
32116	TT: Real nasty dude. Crazy ambitious. Loves knives.
32117	TT: If we're going to stand any chance of winning this thing,
32118	TT: I've got this nagging suspicion we're gonna have to take him down first.
32119	TT: And a feeling that nags equally,
32120	TT: Is it ain't gonna be easy.
32121	GG: I guess I should find all that ominous.
32122	GG: But I cannot lie, sir.
32123	GG: Nothing you have said has made me one iota less excited to begin this adventure!
32124	GG: Those dastardly agents can try to assassinate me all they like. I just want to get started!
32125	TT: That's the most awesome way to be, Jane.
32126	TT: And it is again why you will be our leader.
32127	TT: (Sort of.)
32128	GG: Right.
32129	GG: Still fixing to pull the strings for us, per your extensive puppet metaphor?
32130	TT: Pulling them as we speak.
32131	TT: I am having Lil Seb install a real copy of the client on another computer in your house.
32132	TT: A clean computer, not any of this BCCorp garbage you tend to accumulate.
32133	TT: I'll have to insist from this point onward, you employ neutral devices.
32134	TT: That shit fucks with your head.
32135	GG: Hrm.
32136	GG: Alrighty, I think I can make that concession.
32137	TT: Once it's installed, I'll connect with you. I will be your server player.
32138	TT: I know this isn't what you were hoping for, but some improvisation is in order.
32139	TT: While you get the ball rolling, I'll try to talk some sense into that mercurial boozehound.
32140	GG: Sounds like a plan.
32141	GG: I do hope she comes around. It would be a bummer to play without her.
32142	TT: She will.
32143	GG: Say, do I even have any machines that survived the explosion besides this one?
32144	TT: Do you even have any machines that don't inundate you with fucking Hamburger Helper ads and Guy Fieri's heinous propaganda?
32145	GG: I guess not. :p
32146	GG: Still, some nice things were surely destroyed.
32147	GG: I think Detective Pony was caught in the blast.
32148	GG: It's unlikely Acorn survived. :'(
32149	TT: A fitting end to a life of moral compromise.
32150	GG: So, since I'm apparently out of "neutral devices,"
32151	GG: Which computer is Seb installing the file on?
32152	TT: On your dad's computer downstairs.
32153	TT: One in the study.
32154	GG: Gotcha.
32155	GG: My poor dad.
32156	GG: He surely heard the explosion. I've put him through so much today.
32157	GG: Oh no...
32158	TT: What?
32159	GG: I just had a dreadful thought.
32160	GG: The kitchen is just below my room.
32161	GG: What if he had begun baking his afternoon cake when my computer exploded?
32162	TT: I wouldn't worry about it.
32163	GG: Maybe I should go look?
32164	GG: Though I'm a little afraid to.
32165	TT: I think it'll take a lot more to kill that dude than a little falling debris.
32166	TT: Trust me.
32167	GG: I hope so.
32168	GG: The Crockers have something of a legacy when it comes to losing forebears in mysterious explosions.
32169	GG: I would be so sad if I kept the tradition alive like this.
32170	TT: The most you have to worry about is getting grounded back to the stone age.
32171	TT: When you enter the session, he'll probably lock you up in a prison cell on Derse.
32172	TT: Probably stick a huge safe in front of the bars for good measure.
32173	TT: Now do me a favor and hop off the couch.
32174	GG: Ok.
32175	GG: What are you doing?
32176	TT: Makin' room for something big.
32177	You watch Di-Stri deploy some sort of mammoth instrument on to your balcony. It's just as well he took over for Ro-Lal. She probably would have destroyed half your house with that thing in her condition. But on the bright side, you're sure RL would have enjoyed a good nicker with you over the notion of DS deploying his mammoth instrument. You wonder what she could possibly be up to?
32178	While you're at it, you also wonder what the deal is with this cagey treatment of their names. Di-Stri, Ro-Lal, DS, RL, Strider, Lalonde... it's all starting to get a bit silly. Each of their full names has eleven characters, and you have been dancing around all but two. Maybe it's time you were formally introduced to the last two characters.
32179	One of the last two stands in her bedroom. It is a young lady! Due to an incident involving an APPEARIFIER, an unabridged COLONEL SASSACRE'S, and a PERFECTLY WHITE CAT, she will not be able to assist her bffsy for some time. And due to the aggressive aconcurrence of all that takes place in paradox space, this incident HAS NOT HAPPENED YET.
32180	But what HAS HAPPENED YET was this young lady's 13th birthday. It took place almost three years ago, and on that date her placronym was engraved. It was engraved with eleven letters to be precise, nine of which you are already familiar with. You figure it couldn't hurt to take a peek at the engraving. You've been dying to get the scoop on those last two mysterious characters.
32181	Hey, get that damn cat outta the way!
32182	Thank you, cat who is probably Jaspers.
32183	The final two chromosomic symbols have been released from their fluffy, twitching prison.
32184	Your name is ROXY.
32185	God DAMN do you love WIZARDS.
32186	You wish and hope they are REAL, and that so too is their MAJYYKS AND STUFF. You enjoy writing FANPROSE FOR SAID MAGICAL MEN, but you think maybe it's NOT SO GREAT. You are however QUITE GREAT at the esoteric sciences, such as ECTOBIOLOGY, DARK FENESTROLOGY, and the delicate art of APPEARIFICATION. You have tended to accrue dead preserved SPECIMENS from your experiments, little to none of which AREN'T FELINE.
32187	You aren't one to shy from A BIT OF GAMING, particularly the sort WELL PAST ITS PRIME; you have a real soft spot for OLD SCHOOL TECHNOLOGY. It is fair to say most of your leanings are governed by a BENT FOR NOSTALGIA. Your coding cred is totes ridic, basically making you the HOTTEST SHIT HAXXOR BITCH YOU EVER KNEW, as deadaly* to the grid ass* she is beatuiful*. You are known to nonseldomly employ a ROGUISH DEMEANOR toward the FELLAS, a habit not especially jeopardized by your noninfrequent INEBRIATION.
32188	Which is to say, against the better judgment of one your age, you like to DIP INTO THE SAUCE now and then. Unless your MOM is looking, which happens to be virtually NEVER. And considering she has been known by the knowledgeable to be in possession of VISION OMNIFOLD, this strikes you as a particularly STUNNING LAPSE IN PARENTAL DILIGENCE. But you have good friends and many distractions to fill this VOID in your life.
32189	What will you do?
32190	Roxy is not empowered to resurrect this crusty old gag template because all of the sudden
32191	"All of a sudden."
32192	All of the sudden
32193	She is too busy being the other guy.
32194	We have absolutely GOT to peep the last two letters of this max chill dude's name on the devilfucking double!!!
32195	Hey, clear out that stupid pony! What is this, some sort of miniature paddock?
32196	Thanks, pony who is presumably a tiny Maplehoof for some reason.
32197	The final two diluvial symbols have been unearthed from countless crushing ounces of slumbering pony.
32198	Your name is DIRK.
32199	Holy SHIT do you love PUPPETS.
32200	You possess the extreme dexterity to operate your FALSE FRIENDS UNSEEN, that is, when they are not pre-ambulatory through your LOVINGLY IMBUED MECHANIZATION. You dig writing COGNITIVE ALGORITHMS FOR SAID APOCRYPHAL MEN, and you think maybe that's FUCKIN' DOPE. Guess what else is dope? Everything ELSE YOU DO. You're a sickwicked autodidact on ANCIENT CIVILIZATIONS, a selfmade MASTER OF MYTHOLOGUE, and a PRETERNATURAL POPCULTURE ACADEME.
32201	If you weren't so DAMN ALOOF and actually let people GET A LOAD, you might get described all kindsa ways. Maybe tagged as a RENAISSANCE NINJA, PHILOSOPHER PRINCE, and FLASHSTEP PUPPETEER. Or perhaps a PANTHEONIC IRONICIST, GANGSTA LOGICIAN, LUCID WAKER and DERSITE SPY. Screw descriptors though, as if the shits you give ain't nil. You're cool with dabbling in the FINE SEQUENTIAL ARTS, and your work could be viewed by some as BORDERLINE PORNOGRAPHIC. And to those philistines you'll be heard wondering, what the fuck do you mean BORDERLINE?
32202	Against the better judgment of one your age, you BUILD ROBOTS, SET THEM TO KILL MODE, AND SPAR WITH THEM TO DEATH. That is, when you're not SENDIFICATING THEM TO FRIENDS, or DUELING THEM WITH RAP LYRICS. But you try to cool it on the deathmatch stuff when your BRO is looking, which is virtually NEVER. And considering he's had a reputation staked on some order of MARTIAL NOBILITY, this strikes you as a STAGGERING OVERSIGHT IN BROTHERLY VIGILANCE. You don't have the HEART to hold it against him, though.
32203	What will you do?
32204	There's no way in hell you were going to give this gag the time of day even if you weren't SUDDENLY TOTALLY LAMBASTED BY THE CHARACTER SELECT SCREEN AGAIN FROM WAY OUT OF LEFT FIELD, INSIDE YOUR GLASSES.
32205	Once again, you are grabbing the plush by the rump. You are in absolute command of your destiny. As long as you don't pick the two characters who are grayed-out, which is a universally understood UI convention for nonclickability. Also as long as both other available choices are finished being drawn. We are passing out free will like cheap cigars.
32206	You are now Roxy. What were you up to again? You were floating somewhere in the nonlinear timestew of paradox space, and we were hoping to get a handle on the exact chronology of your situation. Perhaps your successive actions will oblige us?
32207	Yeah, you aren't really listening. You're going to do whatever the hell you want.
32208	You pick up your high octane LASER GUN. It's powered by the most deadly sciences you know of.
32209	You keep a couple specibus allocations in your portfolio on standby. You try to stay as sharp as possible in unarmed combat, because you never know when you'll get ambushed. It's dangerous out there.
32210	The biggest one has been around for as long as you remember, encased in that glass-like material. You've considered giving it a name, but it always struck you as a little morbid to name a dead cat.
32211	The others were the result of a few experimental mishaps before you got the hang of the ECTOBIOLOGY equipment. You keep them around to remind you of the perils of the inexact science, and also because they're weird looking and cute. You've since cloned many healthy felines, but they all live in the LABORATORY out back. Your pet CAT doesn't really get along with other cats, and you don't want to upset him.
32212	You tuck the biggest one into your MESSAGE IN A BOTTLE MODUS.
32213	These little guys are quite handy for busting through windows, whenever you're ready to christen a new FENESTRATED PLANE.
32214	You take the first six books of your MOM'S best selling series, COMPLACENCY OF THE LEARNED. She made an impossible fortune off of these books, considering how dark and inaccessibly written they are for young readers. More money than the U.S. financial system could even account for as legitimately circulating in the economy. Many suspected real life wytchkkrafts were involved, which is what some believed discouraged criminal investigation into the matter. The feds were afraid. And the Baroness, nervous.
32215	God you hope that's all true.
32216	Some original edition cover art from one of the books.
32217	It features the androgynous young apprentice, Calmasis, who throughout the series plays the roles of antihero and chief antagonist. S/he convinces fellow disciples to rebel against Zazzerpan's vaunted Complacency, and one by one hunts down each wizard. All twelve are killed but the Predicant Scholar himself, forcing a showdown.
32218	The poster depicts the notorious chess match between Calmasis and Zazzerpan. Zazzerpan had a reputation for being unbeatable. He had never lost a match, even to the gods. But his apprentice was able to beat him in the wizard's duel by first becoming checkmated, and through some unprecedented enchantment, continuing to play beyond the death of the king.
32219	You love your mom's books and find them heavily inspiring, but you can't help but feel the work is exhaustingly heavy-handed at times. You kind of prefer to write more lighthearted things. Actually crack a joke now and then, you know?
32220	Your cat FRIGGLISH hops down on the bed to greet you, and immediately situates himself on something important, one of your CREATIVE WRITING JOURNALS.
32221	You named him after your favorite wizard from CotL. He was just such an endearing, bumbling fellow, before he was murdered. Calmasis put an insidious curse on him, which caused him to go insane over several years. He began filling a book with all of his arcane knowledge, which was said to be limitless. The tome grew to monumental proportions, and became a virtually unreadable patchwork of impenetrable erudition. When the young wizard finally caught up with him, he was a quaking, incoherent madman. S/he put him out of his misery by crushing him to death with his own massive text.
32222	You just think it's a fitting name for him for some reason. The macabre demise notwithstanding, of course.
32223	You politely scoot Frigglish off the books. That a boy.
32224	Technically, only one of these books is yours, the writing journal. You're pretty secretive about your writing. Sometimes even you can hardly bear to read it. You are highly aware of the formidable writerly shadow cast over you, and can be critical to the point of embarrassment over your work. Just how drunk WERE you when you wrote this???, you often wonder to yourself. You don't think you'll be peeking at it soon. Maybe later.
32225	The other book is another point of embarrassment, for completely different reasons.
32226	This is Jake's private journal.
32227	One day when you were feeling especially frisky, you swiped it with your APPEARIFIER, not actually expecting it to work. But then you debated with yourself for weeks over whether to read it. When you finally took a peek, you were strangely relieved to find all this nonsense, instead of his private thoughts. But you still didn't have it in you to cop to the theft. You just agreed what a shame it was about his missing book.
32228	You have no idea what these letters mean. Some kind of code? BARK? KRAB? ABRAKABABRA??? You have no clue what was running through that kid's head. Not unlike always.
32229	It isn't a ray gun. It's your APPEARIFIER!
32230	Pretty much the only Crockertech you can bring yourself to use. It's just too handy not to.
32231	You just plug in the coordinates you want to nab something from, point it where you want to appearify, and shoot. It'll make that thing appearify right then and there, assuming no temporal conflicts. Piece of cake!
32232	Not Crocker brand cake though cause fuck that witch.
32233	That isn't a command!
32234	Excuse me, but you beg to differ.
32235	You poured that beautiful martini a little while ago, and you've been letting it gather cobwebs while you horse around with random shit in your room. What a crime.
32236	DAMMIT!
32237	This is the wrong stock reaction. You will not stand for this outrageous misrepresentation of your beverage enjoyment.
32238	That's much better.
32239	As much as you enjoy an afternoon cocktail, you have to remember to pace yourself with these things. They're crazy strong, and tend to make you kinda sleepy.
32240	Oh my. How inviting does that soft plush pile look about now? Quite, you think.
32241	You like to ensconce yourself in this friendly heap when you play games.
32242	Gosh it looks soft. Your eyelids are getting heavy...
32243	Uh oh. There you go a-wobblin'.
32244	Look out below..........
32245	Nap time.
32246	What the heck was that all about?
32247	Oh, hey there Frigglish. He greets you with a sly, conspiratorial purr, almost as if he was privy to what you dreamt. Which is impossible of course.
32248	Looks like some dude has been badgering you while you were asleep.
32249	TT: Roxy.
32250	TT: Awake yet?
32251	TT: Guess not.
32252	TT: Let me know.
32253	TG: whoaa
32254	TG: damn
32255	TG: hey dirk
32256	TG: hada crazy dream
32257	TT: There you are.
32258	TT: But I see your dream self hasn't returned.
32259	TT: You must be tying one the fuck on tight already.
32260	TG: mybe i am
32261	TG: like a bow of ribbone
32262	TG: on a beiuetuifiul ponny
32263	TT: Man, how can you be this much drunker than last time we talked?
32264	TT: What the hell are you even drinking?
32265	TG: ok but 2 b fair
32266	TG: *beiuetuifiul
32267	TG: was an intentional typo 4 ur benefit
32268	TG: cuz i kno you loves tha po's
32269	TT: It's a beiuet.
32270	TG: so you spyin on me in derse ville again??
32271	TT: Yeah.
32272	TG: fuckin perv
32273	TG: like what you see there? ;)
32274	TT: I see precisely jack shit and a side of fuckall.
32275	TT: That's the point.
32276	TT: You got too sauced up and went rogue again. You're out there in your weird drifting stupor, independent of your waking self's awareness.
32277	TG: you gonna go after me again
32278	TG: get on your hornse
32279	TG: galloop me home like prince charming back to swoon kingdong
32280	TG: *OOOMG blushblushbluh
32281	TT: No.
32282	TT: In thinking it over, it's sort of a relief. Simplifies things somewhat.
32283	TT: It's better you stay out there for a while.
32284	TT: There's been a problem.
32285	TG: whatd you do now
32286	TT: Ok, I fucked up.
32287	TT: I kind of made a mess here, and I'm not sure what to do about it yet.
32288	TG: ??>
32289	TT: No need for you to worry about it for now. I'll figure something out.
32290	TT: Until then I'm just going to prepare for our session, while I think it over.
32291	TG: zzzzzz
32292	TG: what a surprise another mysfery for you to keep to yourself an overly cerebralize
32293	TG: snooorre
32294	TG: hey lets talk about something cool instead
32295	TG: like the dream i had
32296	TT: Ok.
32297	TG: first i had some ordinary boring dreams that i dont remember
32298	TG: but then i dreamed that i woke up from the drema
32299	TG: and things got way bright and surreal
32300	TG: and i saw someone
32301	TG: i think it was supposed to be my daughter
32302	TT: Why do you think that?
32303	TG: you know those dreams where u just know someones suppose to be someone
32304	TT: No.
32305	TG: ok well
32306	TG: regulgar people have those im pretty sure all the time
32307	TT: Are you thinking it was prophetic? Like a glimpse of the future?
32308	TG: i dunno
32309	TT: Because that's not really how the abyss works. It's not Skaia, and we aren't Prospit dreamers.
32310	TT: There's nothing like that out in the abyss. If you drift far enough, there is only horror.
32311	TT: Terrible, terrible horror.
32312	TG: ok but im not sayin it was a futuredream!
32313	TG: it was just a glimple and it felt real and all im saying is it was a cool dream that i wish was real
32314	TG: * glimpse
32315	TT: Well, maybe it was.
32316	TT: Maybe there's no fanciful game-supplied mechanism of prognostication involved here, and you're just an ordinary, run of the mill psychic.
32317	TT: I guess that's possible.
32318	TG: hey dick
32319	TG: *dirk
32320	TG: whaaaat do u think
32321	TG: it would be like
32322	TG: if we had kids
32323	TT: What would it be like?
32324	TT: Inconvenient, mostly.
32325	TG: no i mean
32326	TG: what would they be like
32327	TG: th kids
32328	TG: u ever think about it?
32329	TT: Can't really say I have.
32330	TG: you know for an eccantric guy you can be boring as fuck sometimes
32331	TT: Sorry, Rox.
32332	TT: For what it's worth, I'm picturing them now. A boy and a girl.
32333	TT: Two perfect little freaks of nature raised by people who've clearly got no business bringin' up anybody.
32334	TG: shuuuucks buster its just a fun lil hyphothetical to daydream about
32335	TG: why you need to suck the fun out of shit
32336	TG: like some turd hungry dracula
32337	TG: its not like im lobbyin for you to hook me up with a whole mess of fuckin babbies
32338	TG: or thats im holding on to any such delsusion thats even a remote possibility.....
32339	TG: le siiiiiign..////
32340	TT: Le sign?
32341	TG: yes le sign you heard me
32342	TT: Do you mean * le sigh?
32343	TG: hmm nup
32344	TG: ima stickin with le sign
32345	TG: goign down with the shit
32346	TG: *shi[p
32347	TG: the S.S. LE SIGN, starring cap'n rolal
32348	TT: What does le sign actually mean in this context?
32349	TG: oh come on
32350	TT: Come on what?
32351	TG: LE SIGN IS UNIVERSALLY UNDERSTOOT TO MEAN TOO BAD HES GAY YOU DELIBERABLY OBTUSE DUNDERFUCK
32352	TT: I mean, yeah, that's what I thought.
32353	TT: It would just be cool if you'd refrain from tossing about such antediluvian terms.
32354	TG: antediulivan waht
32355	TG: me sayin ur gay u mean
32356	TT: Yes.
32357	TG: ok but terminology aside i dont think im off base!
32358	TT: I don't see how it has to be a thing.
32359	TG: i rly think its an actual thing bro
32360	TT: Once upon a time, sure.
32361	TT: But the world has changed a lot.
32362	TT: Ever peek in a history book between your wizardly indulgences? This is a nuanced topic.
32363	TG: man i know about the histories
32364	TG: just
32365	TG: believe me
32366	TG: its a thig
32367	TT: How is it a thing?
32368	TG: its a thing beaucase if it wasnt a thing then u wouldnt be all like...........
32369	TT: All like what?
32370	TG: well wantin nothing to do w me 4 starties
32371	TT: Don't be ridiculous.
32372	TT: I have more to do with you than any dude could possibly bargain for.
32373	TT: And I like it just fine.
32374	TG: what a totatly lame + sweet answer simultaneouslay
32375	TG: <3
32376	TT: Yeah.
32377	TT: Now maybe we should direct our focus on a matter which has nothing at all to do with what does or doesn't qualify as "a thing", or what our fantasy alt-universe offspring would be like, or anything like that.
32378	TT: Such as this game, and whether you're in the best condition to be piloting Jane's connection.
32379	TT: Maybe you could use another nap?
32380	TG: my condidions just fine
32381	TG: and anyway
32382	TG: what aint gonna get slept offis the fact that i still dont think we should be touchin this bs witch game w a 20 foot 3dent
32383	TG: we both know her plans need us to
32384	TT: I know that. But I thought we settled this.
32385	TG: its still so frustrating
32386	TG: tellin jane about the dangers
32387	TG: and even if shes being polite i just know she thinks im fulla crap
32388	TG: about EVREYTHING
32389	TT: We settled this too. She'll believe everything eventually.
32390	TT: Why bother working so hard to convince her?
32391	TG: well i dont even do that for the most part
32392	TG: but it gets tiring and saddening
32393	TG: knowing that
32394	TG: even when were not activly talkin bout it
32395	TG: that my best friend cant bring herself to believe some really basic things about my life
32396	TG: like the shitty things the baroness has done to us
32397	TG: or about our upbringin
32398	TG: like
32399	TG: do u know how misrable it is for your bff to doubt you
32400	TG: when you tell her your mom is dead
32401	TT: I guess.
32402	TT: It just registers for me as a reaction which isn't completely unreasonable from her perspective.
32403	TT: She is inundated with media coverage of those whom we've claimed as our parental figures.
32404	TT: That they are not presently alive nor ever played that role for us as she understands it is just an extension of a much more elaborate and far reaching explanation, which is much harder for anyone to digest in its entirety.
32405	TT: Well, anyone who isn't Jake, I mean.
32406	TT: Still say you should cut her some slack.
32407	TG: i know
32408	TT: And need I remind you,
32409	TT: That the potential this game provides for their resurrection is what motivated you to investigate it in the first place?
32410	TG: no i remember
32411	TG: i told u a million tines shit sounds like it could be the best thing EVAAAAAR
32412	TG: * wherein evars capsed as heck
32413	TG: but also that no matter how awesome it might be
32414	TG: its probly gonna advance all the schemes of "her condescension"
32415	TT: Right.
32416	TT: But if we can stop her?
32417	TG: part of me doesnt even want to give her the satsfaction
32418	TG: of startin up at all
32419	TG: like if we didnt wuolndt that wreck her shit just so hiliariously???
32420	TG: so many olols
32421	TT: I must be hard of counting, because I'm barely racking up a single goddamn o-laugh-out-loud at that self-defeating gesture.
32422	TG: no but it would
32423	TG: and for all we know starting it up is playing right in her claws....
32424	TG: could be a trap waintin for jane the moment she enters
32425	TG: if i stop her from playing
32426	TG: maybe i could at leat give her a CHANCE at a future
32427	TT: But there is no future on Earth for them.
32428	TT: Or for us, for that matter.
32429	TG: dunno that for a fact
32430	TG: but anywaaaayyyy
32431	TG: i kinda already
32432	TG: made this bogus file for her
32433	TT: What? Why?
32434	TG: 2 scare the shit out of her
32435	TG: make her learn to fear an respect the fuckin hag like she should
32436	TG: then maybe we can drop this whole in game meetup slash reserection idea all 2 geth
32437	TG: sweet tho it may bey
32438	TT: Rox.
32439	TT: I hope you're not thinking about sending her one of your batshit ~ATH scripts.
32440	TG: on thas sobject
32441	TG: i am miss zuipperpips
32442	TT: Miss Zuipperpips?
32443	TT: The amount of sense you haven't been making is un-fucking-real.
32444	TT: Just go take a nap. And don't even think about sending her that file.
32445	TT: Are you listening?
32446	TG: hnnn
32447	TG: i will take what u say
32448	TG: underd serisous advicement...,
32449	TG: *WONK* ~_?
32450	TT: Jesus.
32451	TG: dirk
32452	TG: when did you stop bein any fun
32453	TT: What?
32454	TG: it use to be youd get a kick out off a slunt like that
32455	TG: *stunt
32456	TT: Man, you know I'm down with insane stunts.
32457	TT: Insane stunts are practically all I'm all about.
32458	TT: As long as I actually AGREE with the purpose they're intended to serve.
32459	TT: Destroying Jane's computer and dissuading her from playing is not such a purpose.
32460	TG: betcha ur responder would agree w me
32461	TG: why cant your be more like him
32462	TT: I am more like him.
32463	TG: i mean MOAAAR like him
32464	TT: You just mispelled "more", causing me to suddenly understand jack everything.
32465	TG: hes more in touch with his feelins
32466	TG: which just makes me L my FA off since hes a bobot
32467	TG: *robob
32468	TG: **bobob
32469	TG: and he can actually loosen up sometimes
32470	TG: kinda like u used to could
32471	TT: I used to could?
32472	TG: for 1 thing
32473	TG: he doesnt insta shootdown a bip of frisky rp shenans now n then ;)
32474	TT: Yeah...
32475	TT: I kind of wish you wouldn't do that with him.
32476	TG: why the f not
32477	TT: It just seems a little tawdry and disrespectful.
32478	TT: And vaguely exploitative of a still-emergent cognitive entity, whose perceptional frame of reference is difficult for us to comprehend.
32479	TG: oh come on
32480	TG: hes cool a guy just liek you its just he lives in some shades
32481	TT: It rubs me the wrong way, is all.
32482	TG: ohhhh
32483	TG: do uuuuuu...
32484	TG: WANT me 2 rub you the right way ;D
32485	TT: Not really.
32486	TG: zzz muh
32487	TG: youre over blowin this
32488	TG: its just an ironic funny thing we do some times
32489	TG: come on im sure you read the transcripts urself
32490	TG: its all alot of jokestery buiishit
32491	TT: He blocks me from being able to read transcripts sometimes.
32492	TG: oh
32493	TG: wow he does?
32494	TG: sneaky bastart
32495	TT: And anyway, I'm really not sure how ironic it is.
32496	TG: ok next time i will run it by the MASTAR first
32497	TG: with his fancy fuckin ironimeter
32498	TT: Ok, here's the thing with the AR, since you still don't seem to get it.
32499	TT: He's very similar to me in thought process and behavior, yes.
32500	TT: But those patterns were imported from a thirteen year old version of my psyche, and then sealed into the program as starting parameters.
32501	TT: In the years since, we've both evolved somewhat. I, as humans tend to, and he, in whatever way is natural for a frequently running, self-aware application.
32502	TT: So if there are differences between us, they're first reflected by what I feel is a maturity gap, and then further by several years of minor behavioral divergences.
32503	TG: omg...
32504	TG: hes 13yo dirk
32505	TG: why did than not occur to me that is so cute
32506	TG: and makes me feel kinda skeevy 4 sayin anything lascivious @ him
32507	TG: dammit you ruin everything!
32508	TT: You're welcome.
32509	TT: Yo, you guys realize I can hear you, right?
32510	TG: pfffffhahaha
32511	TT: Yes, I was aware.
32512	TT: Check out all these complicated fucking problems people have when they have to live in big lumbering fleshmonsters instead of a sweet pair of shades.
32513	TT: Dude, do you think you could sit this one out for a while? This conversation practically doesn't even concern you at this point.
32514	TT: It seems there is some gnarly crooked number that represents the percentage of probability you just said this doesn't concern me.
32515	TT: Even though it's patently obvious that half the conversation, like, way totally concerns me.
32516	TT: Shit, Roxy look. He's doing the thing where he ironically pretends to fail the Turing test to sass me into submission.
32517	TT: Even though I was the one who fucking programmed him to do that.
32518	TG: ell
32519	TG: emm
32520	TG: eff
32521	TG: ayy
32522	TG: OFF~~!~
32523	TG: like my butt is juts there on the floor
32524	TG: is how hard i elled it off just now
32525	TT: (Not peekin' at the floor butt cause I'm only 13 years old, motherfuckers.)
32526	TT: This is fuckin' dumb.
32527	TT: I'm going to leave both of you to interact however you want. I have important shit to deal with and actual responsibilities to take seriously.
32528	TT: Roxy, go nap off your drink, or aggressively wage another flirtlarping campaign, whatever, I don't care.
32529	TT: Just don't send that file to Jane, ok?
32530	TG: so
32531	TG: looks like it just
32532	TG: the two of us
32533	TT: Looks that way.
32534	TG: fancy thay
32535	TG: * that
32536	TT: Guess I can go back to talking in orange.
32537	TG: why yes
32538	TG: u should def slip in 2 something more comforfable
32539	TG: while i pour you some robo wine
32540	TG: we have
32541	TG: much to discuss
32542	TG: *tents fingerns together w sultry cunning*
32543	TT: Actually, I think I like the red better.
32544	TG: ok i can check the cellar
32545	TG: might have some choice years left of the pinpot noir
32546	TT: I don't doubt the choiceness of those pinpots, but I'm not really here to screw around.
32547	TT: There's something important to talk about.
32548	TG: aw dang
32549	TG: janes after me
32550	TG: sorry bro it has to wait cant leave janey hangan
32551	TT: Alright.
32552	TT: But just so you know.
32553	TT: I think Dirk is probably going to make some sort of formal romantic overture toward Jake today.
32554	TG: WHAT
32555	TG: wait really
32556	TT: I've been crunching numbers all day on this.
32557	TT: The percentage of probability is simultaneously bananas and through the roof.
32558	TT: A complete disgrace of tropical fruit erupting from the peak of an unassuming domicile.
32559	TG: ohhhh my
32560	TG: how do u know
32561	TT: Because I've aggregated thousands of subtle clues indiscernible to primitive human neurology and rammed them through my determinative infatuation engine at the astonishing speed of information.
32562	TT: And also because I'm pretty sure it's what I would do if I were him, which is literally the case.
32563	TT: And also.
32564	TT: Because he kind of told me I guess?
32565	TT: There's that.
32566	TG: well thish should be interesting
32567	TG: did u tell jake or....
32568	TT: Not specifically.
32569	TG: man does he even know how he feels
32570	TG: lol the poor guy is tortally under siege from all sides hehe
32571	TT: He knows well enough.
32572	TT: I've badgered him with enough "insincere" solicitations to paint a pretty striking portrait of my cognitive progenitor's inclinations, even if he wasn't able to pick up on such hints from the man himself, which strikes me as statistically implausible. And that's not even me just spewing more ironic AI bullshit.
32573	TG: i was never that clear on that
32574	TG: r u like
32575	TG: BOTH cruching on him...
32576	TG: or is it real 4 him and ironic 4 u or......
32577	TT: It's complicated.
32578	TG: nooo shit
32579	TG: says the robo clone of the guy smitten wit the guy everyone elses smitten with in cluding said robob clone, maybe???
32580	TG: hey can we hold this thought
32581	TG: have 2 answer jaaaaaame................
32582	TG: *n
32583	TT: Yeah.
32584	GG: Heyyy.
32585	GG: Ahem.
32586	GG: Ro-Lal?
32587	TG: oopos sry
32588	TG: was havin important chats
32589	GG: Oh?
32590	GG: With whom?
32591	TG: w yet anather ineligible fuckin bachelor who elfe i have to talk 2
32592	[CONTINUED PREVIOUSLY]
32593	TT: Anyway, if you're still there.
32594	TT: I wouldn't call my "feelings" ironic.
32595	TT: Though evidently, I would enclose them in quotes.
32596	TT: They're more like an echo of feelings once established in a biological context, though perhaps had not particularly well materialized at that point in my life.
32597	TT: Or his life.
32598	TT: Whatever.
32599	TT: They still feel real sometimes, and it can be easy to get carried away with them.
32600	TT: But most of the time they present themselves as dense bodies of abstraction to be evaluated, like any kind of information.
32601	TT: It's fair to say the feelings I have ABOUT my feelings are more genuine expressions of emotion than the ground level feelings themselves.
32602	TT: Does that make sense?
32603	TG: yes
32604	TG: sory distacted
32605	TG: iportant shit gon on w janesy
32606	TT: That's fine.
32607	TT: So to underwhelmingly answer your question, no, I don't think I'm really "into Jake."
32608	TT: Not so much as occasionally being subject to heavily arresting recalls of conflicted, incipient preteen episodes on the subject.
32609	TT: I'm not sure I can be "into" someone in a way you understand.
32610	TT: Not that it would even matter if I was.
32611	TT: I'm glasses.
32612	TG: damn :(
32613	TT: What?
32614	TG: sry im listening 2 u really
32615	TG: but i fucked uuuuup
32616	TG: got to make sure jane doesnt run that file i sent
32617	TT: The virus? You sent it already?
32618	TT: Sneaky.
32619	TG: waahh im such an ass
32620	TT: What are you two talking about?
32621	TG: the bot line is
32622	TG: im a horribule friend :(
32623	TT: You could just tell her you sent an exploding file.
32624	TG: noo then shell think im shitty
32625	TG: and right now she thinks im super NOT shitty
32626	TG: dont want to blow it
32627	TG: id think id rather pull a dirk and propess my UNDYING FEELINGS FOR HER omgomgomg
32628	TT: Wait, you have feelings for Jane?
32629	TG: no you dingnut
32630	TG: was joak
32631	TG: OMFG
32632	TG: if dirk tells jake about his stuff
32633	TG: what about jane
32634	TG: hows she gonna feel
32635	TG: competing wish a friend and all for aguy she cant even get up the nerve to say anythin to
32636	TG: poor jane :C
32637	TT: It seems to be highly probable you are ensared in the throes of one of your human romantic quandaries.
32638	TG: oh stfu up
32639	TG: i need a drink
32640	TT: Are you even talking to her anymore?
32641	TT: It seems like you must be neglecting her side of the conversation.
32642	TG: im in the mipple of a dramantic pause caulm ur fukin tits bobob
32643	TG: RLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY??????
32644	GG: Sigh.
32645	[CONTINUED PREVIOUSLY]
32646	TT: Anyway, I won't distract you for much longer.
32647	TT: I just felt the need to tip you off to this eight hundred ton gorilla dragging its knuckles across the horizon.
32648	TG: will this gorilla
32649	TG: eat thos bonanas
32650	TG: flying out of the roof u said
32651	TT: No airborne fruit will be safe.
32652	TT: I guess this is to be presented as something like a word of caution.
32653	TT: If it's me going through with this, hypothetically,
32654	TT: I'm not dropping some limp wristed shucks buster on his ass, and praying to the horse gods of irony for reciprocation.
32655	TT: There will be no rocking back and forth on pigeon-toed feet, while my face flushes with the blood of a thousand timid bishies.
32656	TT: I will not hold one tentative hand behind my head like a flustered asshole from an Asian cartoon, nor will an oversized bead of sweat overlap ludicrously with my visage.
32657	TT: If it's me, I'm going all out.
32658	TT: Oceans will rise. Cities will fall. Volcanoes will erupt.
32659	TG: uuh
32660	TT: What I'm saying is, it's going to be a scene, and bystanders need to brace themselves.
32661	TG: ok
32662	TG: about when is the big scene happenin
32663	TT: Probably after the game begins.
32664	TT: I expect he'll hold off on playing his hand until he and Jake are in the session.
32665	TT: He's taken certain measures.
32666	TT: For some reason, I think he's latched on to this notion that functioning as the client for a player is customarily a one way pass to makeout city with that player.
32667	TT: Everything with him, and me, is a matter of assiduous tactical forethought. Makin' a play to get his jones on for the J-man is no different.
32668	TG: not sure what any of this quiet means but it sounds spactacular
32669	TG: i cant wait
32670	TG: tho im still kinda torn
32671	TG: about how 2 feel about his chances vs janes chances
32672	TG: what do i say to jane about this???
32673	TG: its hard being as totey sweet a friend as me
32674	TG: its hard and no 1 understanks
32675	TG: *lul
32676	TT: Sorry to hear that.
32677	TT: As ever, I remain an automatonous and dispassionate witness of the oddity that is human interaction, while maintaining no investment in either outcome.
32678	TG: yeah bs
32679	TG: anyway looks like i have to go
32680	TG: i have to proves some shit to jane
32681	TT: Prove what?
32682	TG: oh u know
32683	TG: just subjectin shit to the old madrigogs
32684	TT: It seems you just said madrigogs.
32685	TT: What are madrigogs.
32686	TG: XD
32687	TG: l7r bro
32688	TG: janey
32689	TG: it seems 2 me
32690	TG: that there is a (MATHS) % chance of you bein a huge tightass
32691	TG: are u bein a huge tightass on me jane
32692	GG: Oh god dammit.
32693	GG: Take the book! What do I care!!!
32694	TG: yessss thast the spirpit
32695	TG: now u are believin w petrol
32696	GG: I fail to see what offering up a priceless book for your wildly capricious science experiment has to do with my resolution to be less stingy with my beliefs, but alright.
32697	TG: haha will u relax abt the book
32698	TG: im only just teasing cause theres like practically a 100 percant chance this wont wonk like alwasy
32699	TG: * wort work like always
32700	TG: sooooo
32701	TG: ready/
32702	GG: Yes, let's just get on with it.
32703	You push some buttons and mess with some knobby dealies, and get totally set to subject shit to the madrigogs.
32704	* mad rigors
32705	GG: It worked!
32706	GG: The book is gone!
32707	TG: oh no
32708	TG: aaaawwwww shit
32709	GG: What is it?
32710	TG: shit shit shitsh it
32711	GG: Did you receive the book?
32712	TG: shoiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit
32713	TG: SHITSHITSHITHISTHITSHITSTHI
32714	GG: Don't tell me.
32715	GG: The book is damaged somehow, isn't it?
32716	TG: ffuuuuuuuuuuuk :(
32717	[CONTINUED TRAGICALLY]
32718	Yep, he's dead. Totally Sassacrushed.
32719	You just know that julep guzzling bastard is scrambling up his echeladder as we speak, chuckling to himself while he fills his pockets with ill-gotten boondollars.
32720	Go ahead, old man. Laugh it up.
32721	You guess you'll have to do something with the body now. Maybe a funeral? That sounds like the perfect way to say goodbye to an old friend. But the environment outside isn't particularly hospitable for a burial these days. It also sounds kind of depressing to host a funeral by yourself.
32722	It's probably best to just send him back to where he came from. Years ago, when you were exploring the lab, you found a machine somewhat similar to the ectobiology equipment. Without knowing what it did, you activated it, and out came this friendly cat in a handsome little suit. You still aren't sure where he came from, though given the timestamp and coordinates on the machine, you have a feeling he belonged to your mother. If that is true, you feel bad about stealing her cat, let alone killing him. But you could never bring yourself to send him back. Until now, of course. She would probably want to know what happened to her disappearing cat, even if it meant discovering him dead a little while later.
32723	The device uses huge amounts of power. Its entire power supply was almost fully depleted using it the first time. You've stockpiled as much uranium as you could for another test run. Looks like this will be it.
32724	Oops, sylladex is full. Gotta swap it with something.
32725	Probably as good an excuse as any to break in a new FENESTRATED PLANE.
32726	You swap the bottle with one dead cat in it for another. You often use this little guy to break in the planes, like an intrepid test pilot.
32727	Not while it's in the bottle though. That would be ridiculous, since the bottles are sort of just inventory abstractions. You have to break the bottle first, before you can get serious about breaking some glass.
32728	Need to get this bullshit out of the way. You can't work like this with everything jammed down there in the corner. It's bad enough you're hammered.
32729	Your test pilot flew back out, which means the link between planes is working and stable. You can't even remember which one you linked this up to. You guess you'll find out the fast way.
32730	From the perspective of anyone observing the two windows from the outside, transport looks instantaneous. But for the traveler, there's always this gap of void between them. In your experience, the more significant the journey between the planes is, the wider the gap. This one is small enough to be negligible though. Probably because it leads to somewhere else in your house. You've set a bunch of these up as little shortcuts to places around your house, as well as some places nearby like the lab. It's a convenient way to hop around, though isn't without some risk. You're still not sure what happens if one of the planes loses power while in transit, other than objects predictably getting sliced in half if they're straddling the plane when the plug is pulled. You haven't come up with a good way to observe the consequences from the inside yet, without using yourself as a giguinea pig. And you're in as much a hurry to try that as you are to look up the correct spelling of guinea pig, because seriously, fuck those particular pigs.
32731	When you are quite through with that tomfoolery, you find yourself in your household's OBSERVATORY.
32732	You keep it very cool in here and use it to store pumpkins you've appearified from around the world. Especially from Jake. That guy is just stinking rich with pumpkins on his dumb tropical island. It would never occur to you otherwise to be so grabby with pumpkins, but they just happen to be the most easily appearifiable vegetable on the planet for reasons that make no sense. And it's not like you can just stop swiping vegetables. You've got your own mysterious reasons.
32733	Hey look, incoming message!
32734	UU: there yoU are!
32735	UU: tricky one to track down, yoU are. :u
32736	TG: oh yeh>
32737	TG: dunno why i been right here goofin around for hours
32738	UU: oh no doUbt!
32739	UU: methinks it has less to do with yoUr actUal whereaboUts as it does with yoUr virtUes as a hero of void.
32740	TG: ok but you never say what stuff like that means when you say it tho
32741	TG: is this more casual spoilerz shit
32742	UU: caUsal! and yes, somewhat. however...
32743	UU: with these spoilers, by their natUre, the more time that passes for yoU the less relevant it becomes to gUard their secrecy.
32744	UU: as yoU approach yoUr entry, details i have obscUred will become more plainly evident.
32745	UU: so i see no harm in loosening my tongUe on certain matters the closer yoU get to the appointed hoUr! ^u^
32746	TG: so ur saying i have like
32747	TG: these magical void powers
32748	UU: yes.
32749	TG: sounds like kinda shitty and boring powers to me
32750	TG: what can they even do besise make me invisible to an anien sometimes
32751	TG: *alien
32752	UU: the void aspect is fascinating, thoUgh.
32753	UU: its heroes preside over the essence of lack, or nothingness. the obfUscation of knowledge, or its oUtright destrUction.
32754	TG: SNOOOZE
32755	UU: well, *i* think it is wonderfUl. u_u
32756	UU: and anyway, one can hardly draw many conclUsions aboUt a player by aspect alone.
32757	UU: the aspect is channeled more specifically by the assets of ones class.
32758	TG: so when u cant see me
32759	TG: when im doin my voidey thing or w/e
32760	TG: what do you see is it just a black screen
32761	UU: pretty mUch! :U
32762	TG: hmmmmm,..
32763	UU: hmmmmm?
32764	TG: its just that footage of my mom does that too
32765	TG: like blacks out and stuff
32766	TG: mom was a notoirious scourge to the papayazzi
32767	TG: or i mean
32768	TG: the womom who im supposed to be genetically descended from
32769	TG: *womam
32770	TG: know what i mean?
32771	UU: i Understand what yoU're getting at, yes.
32772	UU: it is certainly possible that we may have common groUnd with oUr ancestors when it comes to oUr aspects, and the way oUr abilities reveal themselves to Us. i coUld not rUle this oUt.
32773	UU: bUt there is always more to examine.
32774	UU: for instance, a hero of life and a hero of doom have aspects as different as can be.
32775	UU: bUt if their classes are different enoUgh as well, that is, one active and the other passive, remarkably there is a chance they coUld end Up with very similar abilities!
32776	UU: player abilities may also manifest in ways in defiance with their aspects if they are heavily resistant to their trUe calling. or, if corrUpted in some way by an oUtside inflUence.
32777	UU: bUt it is rather clear to me yoU are one who embraces her aspect qUite heartily, even if yoU are not aware of it. ^u^
32778	TG: so....
32779	TG: deep down i am super psyched about nothigness
32780	TG: yeah souns about right
32781	TG: oh damn hey
32782	TG: i almost forgot i had a really short but cool dream i fugured you might like this
32783	UU: oh yes, everyone is having important dreams as we near oUr mUtUal entries. this is lovely!
32784	UU: please tell.
32785	TG: i saw someone i think was supposed to be my daughter
32786	TG: do you know if thats true
32787	UU: can yoU describe her?
32788	TG: well she looked kinda like me
32789	TG: but in this orange getunp
32790	TG: *up
32791	TG: w a yellow sun on it
32792	UU: she soUnds to me like the well known figUre of legend.
32793	UU: or at least, well known to those who make the stUdy of sUch matters into their all consUming pastime. ~_u
32794	UU: i believe yoU saw the seer of light.
32795	TG: so ok
32796	TG: lets say she is def that
32797	TG: than does that means shes not my daughter or...
32798	TG: spoipers??
32799	TG: ***
32800	TG: xactly how much spoipage we talkin uu
32801	UU: it woUld normally be my instinct to sUpply a vagUe response here...
32802	UU: bUt i think that yoUr heart has already told yoU the answer, and as sUch my secrecy woUld be pUrposeless.
32803	UU: so, yes, that she was!
32804	TG: aw ys i knew it
32805	TG: so then space lady can u tell me
32806	TG: who this luckay fella is
32807	UU: fella?
32808	UU: what do yoU mean?
32809	TG: come on u know
32810	TG: who i get futurebusy w/2 make the lightseer babis
32811	UU: oh...
32812	UU: yes!
32813	UU: pardon my slUggishness on the Uptake. we are very different species, reprodUctively and familially, remember?
32814	TG: smh
32815	TG: *signs deeply muttering LALIENS to self*
32816	UU: that i think is something i cannot say, or that is, shoUld not say.
32817	TG: aw come on ur already telling me stuff
32818	UU: oh, please don't press me for information! it makes me feel terribly gUilty.
32819	UU: yoU've no idea how mUch i woUld fancy revealing everything, and exchange oUr stories endlessly. bUt i mUst show restraint.
32820	TG: plzzzz<333
32821	TG: what if i guess stuff
32822	TG: is it
32823	TG: strider
32824	TG: does he like get ungay for a while or ssuch
32825	TG: u probably dont even know what that means on account fof being extra textrestrial
32826	TG: can aliens b gay too is that a thing
32827	TG: being space gay
32828	UU: Ummm.
32829	UU: u_u;
32830	TG: o man
32831	TG: embarrased alien is ambarrassed
32832	TG: heh sorry
32833	UU: i am not embarrassed, i jUst don't know what yoU're talking aboUt!
32834	TG: oh
32835	TG: but sersly is it him?
32836	UU: Um...
32837	UU: maybe?
32838	TG: or is it like
32839	TG: some ectobio shit instead
32840	TG: and a dude aint really invovled
32841	UU: Um...
32842	UU: maybe! :u
32843	TG: maaan wouldnt that just figure
32844	TG: that would suck! whyd you have 2 go and confirm my bleak dudeless future
32845	UU: i confirmed no sUch thing, roxy!
32846	UU: yoU are being frightfUlly difficUlt! yoU jUst keep pUshing and pUshing and i can maintain my composUre for only so long!
32847	TG: k im sorry
32848	UU: if yoU are really cUrioUs aboUt the events sUrroUnding yoUr daUghter's origin, yoU can always ask her in person when yoU meet her.
32849	TG: so you mean
32850	TG: im going to meet her in the game
32851	UU: oh...
32852	UU: well, yes.
32853	UU: bUt i'm not sUre if i shoUld have revealed that jUst now! yoU see what happens when yoU pUsh me!!!
32854	UU: there is so mUch for me to keep track of, and it gets very difficUlt to remember what information to reveal at what time when yoU are flUstered.
32855	TG: ok so without pushin and flustratin you
32856	TG: lemme just see if i have all my facts right
32857	TG: i will meet my cool as hell daughter from the future in this game
32858	UU: yes, basically.
32859	TG: and i will also meet my mother in this game
32860	UU: yes.
32861	TG: and the game will let me resurrect her from the dead and thats what im gonna do
32862	UU: the game provides a mechanism for the revival of the deceased, yes. it is called a kernelsprite, and yoU are free to gather remains of any dead party yoU choose, to revive that individUal in the form of a sprite. the sprite will then serve as a helpfUl spirit gUide on yoUr joUrney!
32863	TG: yeah but you cleverly dodged the q
32864	TG: thats how u say it works but WILL i do that
32865	UU: i believe i was very forthright in my answer!
32866	UU: if yoU play the game, yoU will meet yoUr daUghter.
32867	UU: if yoU play the game, yoU will meet yoUr mother too!
32868	UU: simple as can be. ^u^
32869	TG: *narrows eyes with drunken suspicion*
32870	TG: -_-
32871	UU: -u-
32872	TG: -___-
32873	UU: ...
32874	TG: -______~
32875	UU: u~u
32876	TG: so yeah to continue my confirmation spree
32877	TG: you are maybe kinda hinting there are ecto shenannies that lead to the birth of my daughter
32878	TG: just like i descended from my mom through some sort of simimar bio process
32879	UU: those are...
32880	UU: definitely some things which yoU believe coUld be trUe or not trUe! :u
32881	TG: lol u are such a shitty liar
32882	UU: i am not any kind of liar!
32883	TG: come on whats answer
32884	TG: y/n
32885	TG: or shuold i say
32886	TG: y/n/u
32887	UU: U!
32888	UU: i choose U!!! :U!!!!!
32889	TG: ahaha u luv u's
32890	UU: i do love U's!
32891	TG: ur silly
32892	TG: silly & cute & bad @ lyin
32893	UU: bUt i really don't lie!
32894	UU: i am not deceitfUl by natUre bUt in order to protect the integrity of certain oUtcomes while still being helpfUl to yoU, i gUess i am learning the art of deception throUgh honesty?
32895	UU: which as it tUrns oUt, as well intended as it may be, still comes across to a savvy lass like yoUrself as jUst another kind of eqUivocation.
32896	UU: thoUgh i gUess i shoUldn't be so startled that a rogUe of void coUld bewilder me so.
32897	UU: void players are said in texts to have a way with flUmmoxing even those with plans beyond mortal Understanding.
32898	UU: and i'm far from anyone like that. jUst a girl who wants to help!
32899	TG: ok well since youre so nice
32900	TG: ill promoise not to use my wicked void powers re: basic common sense + skills of deduction to bust you up so bad
32901	UU: i'd be ever so gratefUl. :u
32902	TG: then w.o givin you the whole 3rd degree
32903	TG: what is safe to tell me?
32904	TG: like what does it mean to be a rogue of void
32905	TG: thats what i am rite
32906	UU: yes! i can tell yoU plenty aboUt that.
32907	UU: a rogUe is a passive class. yoU see, there are passive (+) and active (-) classes. some more strongly passive or active than others.
32908	UU: the +/- distinction can mean many things, bUt coUld be qUite roUghly sUmmed Up in this way: active classes exploit their aspect to benefit themselves, while passive classes allow their aspect to benefit others.
32909	UU: bUt of coUrse there's plenty more to it, and that rUle is in no way absolUte. only a starting point for Understanding the dichotomy.
32910	TG: you mean kinda like
32911	TG: offensive vs defesive magic in an rpg
32912	UU: sUre!
32913	UU: that's another fine way of looking at it.
32914	UU: classes always come in +/- pairs, with significant disparity between them.
32915	UU: while a rogUe is passive, a thief woUld be its far more active coUnterpart.
32916	UU: the rogUe and thief classes tend to be assigned to females. not exclUsively, bUt commonly!
32917	UU: other classes lean more toward male assignment, while others are exclUsively male, and jUst as many are exclUsively female. like my class. ^u^
32918	UU: that's a bit of a tangent thoUgh. to answer yoUr qUestion aboUt being a rogUe, i shoUld tell yoU both classes in +/- pairs tend to have very similar descriptions.
32919	UU: in this case, a rogUe or a thief is "one who steals." qUite simple, really!
32920	UU: bUt whether the class is + or - makes all the difference. it is a great indicator as to how a hero will make Use of the aspect.
32921	TG: so basically
32922	TG: a thief is like the asshole class
32923	TG: the player who says step off shits mine suckas
32924	TG: whereas
32925	TG: a rogue
32926	TG: is bascially robin hood
32927	UU: if that reference to yoUr cUltUre provides a sUitable comparison, then absolUtely. :U
32928	TG: so im essantially the robin hood of void
32929	TG: im still not sure
32930	TG: wtf that actually means
32931	UU: Understandable.
32932	TG: i guess robin hods p cool tho
32933	TG: thiefin up loot from peeps who got too much
32934	TG: then all sugardaddyin it out 2 the needy like a boss
32935	TG: just dont have a clue how that works with void
32936	UU: yes, it is one of the more conceptUally nebUloUs pairings, i agree.
32937	UU: and i can't say i know a smashing good deal aboUt the natUre of the void player's path, since the aspect is by definition inscrUtable to those it does not choose.
32938	UU: bUt i can at least tell yoU this.
32939	UU: if yoU are ever to enjoy fUll ascension as a rogUe of void, yoU will be able to do some completely astonishing things!
32940	TG: like what
32941	UU: oh no, yoU will not pry this oUt of me.
32942	UU: not to preserve caUsality, bUt to keep the sUrprise in store for yoU.
32943	UU: it woUld not be honoUrable of me to spoil the discovery, shoUld yoU be fortUnate enoUgh to realize yoUr potential.
32944	TG: well
32945	TG: about that
32946	TG: i feel sorta stupid about this but
32947	TG: ive been giving all my friends this whole dramagic spiel about not wanting to even play this thing
32948	TG: and i might of fucked stuff up already
32949	UU: is that so?
32950	TG: its so
32951	TG: and i guess i still havnt decide what to do
32952	TG: there are props and cons 2 both things
32953	UU: woUld yoU mind listing them?
32954	TG: ok either i dont play
32955	TG: and i get this kinda passive aggressive revange at the witch for killing my mom
32956	TG: and thereafter keep staying here and being lonely
32957	TG: or
32958	TG: i do play and the spoips r as follows...
32959	TG: sweet powers 4 me
32960	TG: check
32961	TG: tri generational lolonde family reonion
32962	TG: check as fuck
32963	TG: meet all my friends
32964	TG: HECKACHECK
32965	TG: and smoe others stuff
32966	UU: all fine points.
32967	UU: is there nothing i can do to make the decision easier?
32968	TG: nah but thx
32969	TG: u already have anyway
32970	TG: i will probably play
32971	TG: wonder if i can tell distri withoup lookin like a waffle assed chump
32972	UU: what's a waffle arsed chUmp?
32973	UU: is it earth cUisine? :u~
32974	TG: lol no its just a shithead
32975	TG: this doesnt matter now tho i cant play til i go deliver this dead cat back ing time to maybe my mom or someshing??/
32976	UU: that's another statement that doesn't make a good deal of sense to me, bUt if it is important to yoU, then godspeed!
32977	UU: i'm so pleased to hear yoU are leaning in favor of participating with the rest of Us. i promise we'll all have a ball together.
32978	UU: now i have a bUsy schedUle to keep Up with so i mUst go. bUt please remember yoU can always contact me if yoU have qUestions.
32979	UU: don't be a stranger, love. ta! ^u^
32980	You are fairly sure this window will take you to one of the windows you have set up in the lab.
32981	There is more than one way to find out if this is true, you guess. But there is only one way that involves doing what the inebriated do best, which is falling down.
32982	You are now Dirk. What the hell was going on here again? That's right. You were lodged in the bulbous cleft of paradox space's huge foam ass, and we were hoping to trouble you for a bit of context. Something to set our watches to, if you'd be so kind. Perhaps your successive actions will oblige us?
32983	Ha ha, j/k young bro, we know you don't give a shit. Go ahead and do whatever feels right.
32984	You retrieve your UNBREAKABLE KATANA. A real hard sword for a real hard dude. It was said to be forged by an ancient Otaku Master over the heat of a roaring manga fire. It was cooled in an enchanted spring where virgin horses nicker and bathe, and was said could be used only by one whose pointy anime shades were deemed sweet enough, and whose hair existed in a perpetually sculpted state of looking completely fucking awesome. All of those things were said by you.
32985	You like to juggle around a few different allocations in your portfolio besides bladekind, mostly ironically. You take a certain amount of pride in being able to beat practically anyone's ass down with a puppet, a martial discipline for which there is a startling variety of techniques.
32986	Fancysantakind is a straightup shits and giggles specibus, though. Nobody is quite sure how to extract damage from a foe using an extremely elaborate santa figurine. But if anyone can figure it out, it is probably you.
32987	Nervous? That's absurd.
32988	There's no reason to be nervous around Cal. Lil Cal is the shit.
32989	He's been around as long as you can remember. You were practically raised by that puppet. He was a much better guardian to you than that Hollywood superstar BRO of yours ever was. He is such a good listener. You share with him all your most private thoughts and hopes and dreams, and sometimes you snuggle up with him for a nice nap.
32990	Anyway, the bottom line is, puppets are awesome.
32991	And that's really all there is to say on the matter.
32992	Look at this pompous little asshole. What a godawful piece of shit this thing is.
32993	You aren't even sure why you keep these things around. The miasma of tackiness that surrounds them is almost enough to outstrip their irony value.
32994	Almost.
32995	You say yo what up to this dude over here, and exchange a unique series of hand shakes and fist bumps.
32996	His name is SQUAREWAVE. You built him to have rap-offs with now and then. He's an enthusiastic rapper, and gives it his all whenever you duel, but he's pretty easy to destroy. You've never lost a match against him.
32997	You have only built one other rapbot besides him. His name is SAWTOOTH. You designed him to be unbeatable in a rap-off, and he is. You have never won a match against him. You hope to one day, but you're not gonna hold your breath. His flow is just that insane.
32998	You keep one of his spare heads over there on your desk, but otherwise you don't see much of him. It's been months since your last encounter. He presumably spends his time traveling the world, annihilating any rapper foolish enough to challenge him.
32999	You tell Squarewave to scoot out of the way so you can get a load of your sweet fashions. Aw, looks like he really wanted to rap with you! Sorry guy, maybe another time.
33000	This is your WARDROBIFIER. It automagically rotates your fashions whenever you feel like.
33001	You bust out a tank top, which is THE go-to solution for hard dudes who want to show off their guns. It is a very STRONG look, you think.
33002	Oh, that? That's just your sick ink, featuring a legendary cultural icon of deep personal significance. What is even the big deal.
33003	R.I.P. Stiller.
33004	Poor bastard. Had to go and get all tangled up with your brother's crazy, complicated life.
33005	As for the other one...
33006	You are a studious popculture scholar of all eras. A sharp critic of that reflection in the mirror we hold up to our society. You seek truth in the vivid mosaic made of our most shameless obsessions.
33007	Your interest in these cartoon ponies is strictly academic, ok? No, seriously.
33008	...
33009	What?
33010	......
33011	OK FINE, YOU LOVE THIS ONE PARTICULAR LITTLE RAINBOW HORSE UNIRONICALLY, IS THAT SUCH A CRIME.
33012	She is so spunky. <3
33013	The pile at the foot of your bed consists of hats, a few stray robo-parts, and SMUPPETS. Smuppets are a lovable sort of plush of your own design. You love everything about puppets. You're always thinking about the craft of their production, their operation, cool new designs and such. If the cosmos didn't have more important plans for you, and if the world weren't so fucked up, you'd make a run at fame and fortune with your own puppet enterprises, just like your BRO did with all his weird shit.
33014	You also love to keep a bunch of HATS around, even though you never wear them. You love HATS. Because all bros love HATS, and that's what you are. A bro.
33015	You'd consider wearing one now and then, but they don't really fit the dimensions of your head yet. And anyway, it would be criminal to mess up your perfect hair. Instead, you do the next best thing, which is wearing a picture of one on your shirt. And by the next best thing, you're pretty sure you mean the vastly superior thing.
33016	When you're not using the screen for other purposes, you have it set to rotate through some images by default, like a digital picture frame.
33017	The image flips from a totally bitchin' horse puppet sorta thing, to a portrait of everyone's favorite comedy duo, Stiller and Wilson.
33018	Your BRO made so many of these movies, it's hard to keep track of them. The series drifted almost imperceptibly from surrealist slapstick and inexplicable boxoffice dynamite, to veiled, near-subliminal protest pieces designed to expose the corporate tyranny slowly taking control of the world. The statement did not go unnoticed by the Baroness, and soon the conflict between your brother's media empire and Crockercorp was a matter of public spectacle. Though the press has generally played up the rivalry as an extremely high stakes display of performance art. And knowing your bro, there is surely at least some truth to this.
33019	Donald Glover won an academy award for his transcendental performance as Geromy. After his acceptance speech, there was not a single dry eye in the house. His heroic effort on the silver screen was heralded by critics everywhere as a defining moment in cinematic history.
33020	Alas, the Batterwitch did not look upon his achievement as kindly.
33021	She had him assassinated.
33022	And that one is...
33023	Never mind what that one is. You can't stand around all day looking at movie stills and swole bunny men. There's still some other shit in your room to investigate.
33024	You switch back to your regular shirt. You weren't feeling the wifebeater. The tee shirt says "I still got work to do", while the other one says, "which trailer's the party at?" And Striders don't party til it's good and fuckin' time to party.
33025	It isn't a microwave. It's your SENDIFICATOR!
33026	Pretty much the only Crockertech you can bring yourself to use. It's just too handy not to.
33027	You just type the coordinates, pop in the thing you want to sendificate, and hit the button. It'll sendificate that thing in a jiffy, assuming it's temporally allowed, and within size restrictions.
33028	Obviously you can only send what you can fit inside there. You had to send Jake your brobot piece by piece, barely managing to squeeze that shiny melon head in there. He then dutifully assembled the robot himself. Poor fool, so jovially complicit in his own merciless jungle predation. It's all for the best, though. When you're through with English, he will be a ruthless killing machine. Mark your words.
33029	You snap up the GEROMY PLUSH in your TECH-HOP MODUS. This modus is often employed in rap battles, but is a bit more elegant and sophisticated than what most hashrap artists traditionally employ, like the more arbitrarily numeric HASH MAPS and HASH TABLES.
33030	The cards are arranged in SHADE COLUMNS and GROOVE ROWS. Everything in the same column has to rhyme. Everything in the same row has to have some thematic similarity. Organizing everything gets complicated, and weaponizing your inventory through rap lyrics takes some serious skill.
33031	For instance, the 3rd GROOVE ROW got kind of railroaded into becoming an orange soda row, so you've just been rolling with it recently. The 4th row is pegged for stuff associated with cool bros. The 2nd row is all about dolls, puppets, and stuff like that. The GEROMY PLUSH is clearly suitable for that row, and rhymes with CRUSH, so that works out.
33032	Then you have some other perfectly dope rhymes, like SANTA and FANTA, FAYGO and GAME BRO, DEW and SHOE. There's also SMUPPET and ORANGETTE, which frankly you think is pretty weak, but hey the modus allows it so whatever. Then there are times where you have to be creative with naming stuff to get it to fit. Like calling a skateboard a FOUR WHEEL DEVICE to get it to rhyme with SLICE. It's just another facet to the craft.
33033	Might as well complete the plush collection. You grab the SWEET BRO off your bed. It intersects quite conveniently with the PLUSH GROOVE and the FAYGO SHADE. Nice one.
33034	Last but not least...
33035	There is nothing here that rhymes with Hella Jeff. It really isn't worth jumping through a lot of linguistic hoops to pick this thing up right now, so you just forget it. You have to pick your battles, you know?
33036	You pick up the mighty SORD.....
33037	The easiest thing to do here is ditch the SLICE, stick the SORD..... in the weapons row, and rhyme it with BOARD.
33038	Your bro had a lot of junk like this manufactured over the years. He patented the technology for producing THREE DIMENSIONAL JPEG ARTIFACTS, to make products shittier than was ever previously imaginable. He made a killing off them. Not because anyone bought this garbage. But because they were so cheap to manufacture, their cost was actually NEGATIVE, therefore miraculously netting him profit for every unit produced. He made so much money this way, he had enough to finance manned space missions to haul all of the hideous unwanted jpeg shit off the Earth, and launch it into the sun. But years thereafter, every now and then someone would report a stray shitty skateboard slowly drifting back into Earth's atmosphere. People would pray they would burn up on reentry. But they never would.
33039	Aw, look. Squarewave saw you messing around with your sylladex and thought you were preparing for a rap battle. He is kind of like an eager pet dog, and you made the mistake of picking up his leash, and now he thinks he's going for a walk. You hate to break his heart, but you just don't have time. Your concentration is divided enough as it is.
33040	Among the many ways you tend to multitask is by maintaining an ever-alert dream self. There's a lot to keep an eye on when it comes to the cloak and dagger politics of Derse, especially these days. Can't let your guard down for a second.
33041	It's the latest issue of THE ENQUIRING CARAPACIAN, touting the recent assassination of Prospit's Maid of Life. Quite the triumph for the dark kingdom, and the press has predictably sensationalized the event to please the royalty and whip its readership into a nationalistic lather. In spite of all the ridiculous hyperbole and baseless slander found in the tabloids, one thing is clear. This development means nothing but trouble. If Noir has been empowered to take measures like this, you may have to accelerate your plans.
33042	Shit!!! While you were distracted with the newspaper in dreamland, Squarewave has ambushed you for a rap-off!!!
33043	Told you bro. Can't let your guard down for a second.
33044	SQUAREWAVE: YO YO D-STRIZZLE I COULDN'T HELP BUT CHECK YOU LOADIN UP ON YOUR SYLLADILLY
33045	SQUAREWAVE: CAN'T FOOL ME HOMES I KNOW WHAT THAT'S ABOUT
33046	SQUAREWAVE: SO I JUST GOT ONE CAN OF SURPRISE NOODLES LEFT TO BUST OPEN HERE AND I KNOW HOW YOU LOVE YOUR NOODLES
33047	SQUAREWAVE: DO YOU WANT TO PLAY A GAME??????????????
33048	DIRK: Man, no.
33049	DIRK: I already told you, I don't have time to disgrace you with my rhymes today. Sorry, dude.
33050	SQUAREWAVE: THAT'S SO WHACK! I BEEN WATCHING YOU WASTE NOTHIN BUT TIME ALL LOOKIN AT YOUR HORSE PICTURES AND SHIT
33051	SQUAREWAVE: SO I'M LIKE...
33052	SQUAREWAVE: THAT SHIT'S AS WHACK AS I'M A GUY MADE OF METAL
33053	SQUAREWAVE: SIT YOUR ASS BACK DOWN CAUSE WE GOT SHIT TO SETTLE
33054	SQUAREWAVE: JUST PARK IT ON MY GRILL, YOU BE WHISTLIN LIKE A KETTLE
33055	SQUAREWAVE: IF RAP'S A ONE WHEEL DEVICE YOUR FOOT DON'T REACH THE PEDDLE
33056	SQUAREWAVE: WORD!
33057	DIRK: God dammit. Alright, this is all you get.
33058	DIRK: Rap off? Man, I gotta nap off your sad rap ambush. Shoot your ass down while I pap you with plush.
33059	DIRK: I push mad facts on the hapless, shit's practically axiomatic; you don't talk smack with Orange Crush.
33060	SQUAREWAVE: DAMN DOGG WHY AS A ROBOT I GOT TO BE SO PREDICTABLY SUSCEPTIBLE TO LIQUID LIKE THIS. IT AIN'T COOL!!!
33061	While you were making short work of Squarewave, you once again made the mistake of letting your other self's guard down.
33062	You are accosted by a Dersite agent with a serious AXE TO GRIND. These guys aren't supposed to know you're awake. Looks like your cover's blown unless you act fast.
33063	Poor HEGEMONIC BRUTE. His time in the spotlight has been cut tragically short. You almost feel sorry for the guy.
33064	But now you have a problem. You spend the next ten minutes thinking about it while you stand on his head and stare at the blood on your hands, as the often utilized stock graphic in the bottom corner of the image would indicate.
33065	Since the Archagent is clearly leading the assassination efforts personally on Prospit, this means the DRACONIAN DIGNITARY is most likely focused on the Derse dreamers. He almost certainly ordered the Brute to off you in your sleep. You can only hope the Dignitary or one of his assassins hasn't already gotten to her.
33066	Just as you thought. Sleepwalking again.
33067	Where the hell does she think she's going??
33068	This is kind of a redundant thing to do since you are always consciously both your waking and dream self at the same time, but you'll let it slide.
33069	You should probably stop dwelling on your Derse problems and try to get this show on the road.
33070	TT: Roxy.
33071	TT: Awake yet?
33072	TT: Guess not.
33073	TT: Let me know.
33074	TG: whoaa
33075	TG: damn
33076	TG: hey dirk
33077	TG: hada crazy dream
33078	TT: There you are.
33079	TT: But I see your dream self hasn't returned.
33080	TT: You must be tying one the fuck on tight already.
33081	TG: mybe i am
33082	TG: like a bow of ribbone
33083	TG: on a beiuetuifiul ponny
33084	TT: Man, how can you be this much drunker than last time we talked?
33085	TT: What the hell are you even drinking?
33086	TG: ok but 2 b fair
33087	TG: *beiuetuifiul
33088	TG: was an intentional typo 4 ur benefit
33089	TG: cuz i kno you loves tha po's
33090	TT: It's a beiuet.
33091	TG: so you spyin on me in derse ville again??
33092	TT: Yeah.
33093	TG: fuckin perv
33094	TG: like what you see there? ;)
33095	TT: I see precisely jack shit and a side of fuckall.
33096	TT: That's the point.
33097	TT: You got too sauced up and went rogue again. You're out there in your weird drifting stupor, independent of your waking self's awareness.
33098	TG: you gonna go after me again
33099	TG: get on your hornse
33100	TG: galloop me home like prince charming back to swoon kingdong
33101	TG: *OOOMG blushblushbluh
33102	TT: No.
33103	TT: In thinking it over, it's sort of a relief. Simplifies things somewhat.
33104	TT: It's better you stay out there for a while.
33105	TT: There's been a problem.
33106	TG: whatd you do now
33107	TT: Ok, I fucked up.
33108	TT: I kind of made a mess here, and I'm not sure what to do about it yet.
33109	TG: ??>
33110	TT: No need for you to worry about it for now. I'll figure something out.
33111	TT: Until then I'm just going to prepare for our session, while I think it over.
33112	TG: zzzzzz
33113	TG: what a surprise another mysfery for you to keep to yourself an overly cerebralize
33114	TG: snooorre
33115	TG: hey lets talk about something cool instead
33116	TG: like the dream i had
33117	TT: Ok.
33118	TG: first i had some ordinary boring dreams that i dont remember
33119	TG: but then i dreamed that i woke up from the drema
33120	TG: and things got way bright and surreal
33121	TG: and i saw someone
33122	TG: i think it was supposed to be my daughter
33123	TT: Why do you think that?
33124	TG: you know those dreams where u just know someones suppose to be someone
33125	TT: No.
33126	TG: ok well
33127	TG: regulgar people have those im pretty sure all the time
33128	TT: Are you thinking it was prophetic? Like a glimpse of the future?
33129	TG: i dunno
33130	TT: Because that's not really how the abyss works. It's not Skaia, and we aren't Prospit dreamers.
33131	TT: There's nothing like that out in the abyss. If you drift far enough, there is only horror.
33132	TT: Terrible, terrible horror.
33133	TG: ok but im not sayin it was a futuredream!
33134	TG: it was just a glimple and it felt real and all im saying is it was a cool dream that i wish was real
33135	TG: * glimpse
33136	TT: Well, maybe it was.
33137	TT: Maybe there's no fanciful game-supplied mechanism of prognostication involved here, and you're just an ordinary, run of the mill psychic.
33138	TT: I guess that's possible.
33139	TG: hey dick
33140	TG: *dirk
33141	TG: whaaaat do u think
33142	TG: it would be like
33143	TG: if we had kids
33144	TT: What would it be like?
33145	TT: Inconvenient, mostly.
33146	TG: no i mean
33147	TG: what would they be like
33148	TG: th kids
33149	TG: u ever think about it?
33150	TT: Can't really say I have.
33151	TG: you know for an eccantric guy you can be boring as fuck sometimes
33152	TT: Sorry, Rox.
33153	TT: For what it's worth, I'm picturing them now. A boy and a girl.
33154	TT: Two perfect little freaks of nature raised by people who've clearly got no business bringin' up anybody.
33155	TG: shuuuucks buster its just a fun lil hyphothetical to daydream about
33156	TG: why you need to suck the fun out of shit
33157	TG: like some turd hungry dracula
33158	TG: its not like im lobbyin for you to hook me up with a whole mess of fuckin babbies
33159	TG: or thats im holding on to any such delsusion thats even a remote possibility.....
33160	TG: le siiiiiign..////
33161	TT: Le sign?
33162	TG: yes le sign you heard me
33163	TT: Do you mean * le sigh?
33164	TG: hmm nup
33165	TG: ima stickin with le sign
33166	TG: goign down with the shit
33167	TG: *shi[p
33168	TG: the S.S. LE SIGN, starring cap'n rolal
33169	TT: What does le sign actually mean in this context?
33170	TG: oh come on
33171	TT: Come on what?
33172	TG: LE SIGN IS UNIVERSALLY UNDERSTOOT TO MEAN TOO BAD HES GAY YOU DELIBERABLY OBTUSE DUNDERFUCK
33173	TT: I mean, yeah, that's what I thought.
33174	TT: It would just be cool if you'd refrain from tossing about such antediluvian terms.
33175	TG: antediulivan waht
33176	TG: me sayin ur gay u mean
33177	TT: Yes.
33178	TG: ok but terminology aside i dont think im off base!
33179	TT: I don't see how it has to be a thing.
33180	TG: i rly think its an actual thing bro
33181	TT: Once upon a time, sure.
33182	TT: But the world has changed a lot.
33183	TT: Ever peek in a history book between your wizardly indulgences? This is a nuanced topic.
33184	TG: man i know about the histories
33185	TG: just
33186	TG: believe me
33187	TG: its a thig
33188	TT: How is it a thing?
33189	TG: its a thing beaucase if it wasnt a thing then u wouldnt be all like...........
33190	TT: All like what?
33191	TG: well wantin nothing to do w me 4 starties
33192	TT: Don't be ridiculous.
33193	TT: I have more to do with you than any dude could possibly bargain for.
33194	TT: And I like it just fine.
33195	TG: what a totatly lame + sweet answer simultaneouslay
33196	TG: <3
33197	TT: Yeah.
33198	TT: Now maybe we should direct our focus on a matter which has nothing at all to do with what does or doesn't qualify as "a thing", or what our fantasy alt-universe offspring would be like, or anything like that.
33199	TT: Such as this game, and whether you're in the best condition to be piloting Jane's connection.
33200	TT: Maybe you could use another nap?
33201	TG: my condidions just fine
33202	TG: and anyway
33203	TG: what aint gonna get slept offis the fact that i still dont think we should be touchin this bs witch game w a 20 foot 3dent
33204	TG: we both know her plans need us to
33205	TT: I know that. But I thought we settled this.
33206	TG: its still so frustrating
33207	TG: tellin jane about the dangers
33208	TG: and even if shes being polite i just know she thinks im fulla crap
33209	TG: about EVREYTHING
33210	TT: We settled this too. She'll believe everything eventually.
33211	TT: Why bother working so hard to convince her?
33212	TG: well i dont even do that for the most part
33213	TG: but it gets tiring and saddening
33214	TG: knowing that
33215	TG: even when were not activly talkin bout it
33216	TG: that my best friend cant bring herself to believe some really basic things about my life
33217	TG: like the shitty things the baroness has done to us
33218	TG: or about our upbringin
33219	TG: like
33220	TG: do u know how misrable it is for your bff to doubt you
33221	TG: when you tell her your mom is dead
33222	TT: I guess.
33223	TT: It just registers for me as a reaction which isn't completely unreasonable from her perspective.
33224	TT: She is inundated with media coverage of those whom we've claimed as our parental figures.
33225	TT: That they are not presently alive nor ever played that role for us as she understands it is just an extension of a much more elaborate and far reaching explanation, which is much harder for anyone to digest in its entirety.
33226	TT: Well, anyone who isn't Jake, I mean.
33227	TT: Still say you should cut her some slack.
33228	TG: i know
33229	TT: And need I remind you,
33230	TT: That the potential this game provides for their resurrection is what motivated you to investigate it in the first place?
33231	TG: no i remember
33232	TG: i told u a million tines shit sounds like it could be the best thing EVAAAAAR
33233	TG: * wherein evars capsed as heck
33234	TG: but also that no matter how awesome it might be
33235	TG: its probly gonna advance all the schemes of "her condescension"
33236	TT: Right.
33237	TT: But if we can stop her?
33238	TG: part of me doesnt even want to give her the satsfaction
33239	TG: of startin up at all
33240	TG: like if we didnt wuolndt that wreck her shit just so hiliariously???
33241	TG: so many olols
33242	TT: I must be hard of counting, because I'm barely racking up a single goddamn o-laugh-out-loud at that self-defeating gesture.
33243	TG: no but it would
33244	TG: and for all we know starting it up is playing right in her claws....
33245	TG: could be a trap waintin for jane the moment she enters
33246	TG: if i stop her from playing
33247	TG: maybe i could at leat give her a CHANCE at a future
33248	TT: But there is no future on Earth for them.
33249	TT: Or for us, for that matter.
33250	TG: dunno that for a fact
33251	TG: but anywaaaayyyy
33252	TG: i kinda already
33253	TG: made this bogus file for her
33254	TT: What? Why?
33255	TG: 2 scare the shit out of her
33256	TG: make her learn to fear an respect the fuckin hag like she should
33257	TG: then maybe we can drop this whole in game meetup slash reserection idea all 2 geth
33258	TG: sweet tho it may bey
33259	TT: Rox.
33260	TT: I hope you're not thinking about sending her one of your batshit ~ATH scripts.
33261	TG: on thas sobject
33262	TG: i am miss zuipperpips
33263	TT: Miss Zuipperpips?
33264	TT: The amount of sense you haven't been making is un-fucking-real.
33265	TT: Just go take a nap. And don't even think about sending her that file.
33266	TT: Are you listening?
33267	TG: hnnn
33268	TG: i will take what u say
33269	TG: underd serisous advicement...,
33270	TG: *WONK* ~_?
33271	TT: Jesus.
33272	TG: dirk
33273	TG: when did you stop bein any fun
33274	TT: What?
33275	TG: it use to be youd get a kick out off a slunt like that
33276	TG: *stunt
33277	TT: Man, you know I'm down with insane stunts.
33278	TT: Insane stunts are practically all I'm all about.
33279	TT: As long as I actually AGREE with the purpose they're intended to serve.
33280	TT: Destroying Jane's computer and dissuading her from playing is not such a purpose.
33281	TG: betcha ur responder would agree w me
33282	TG: why cant your be more like him
33283	TT: I am more like him.
33284	TG: i mean MOAAAR like him
33285	TT: You just mispelled "more", causing me to suddenly understand jack everything.
33286	TG: hes more in touch with his feelins
33287	TG: which just makes me L my FA off since hes a bobot
33288	TG: *robob
33289	TG: **bobob
33290	TG: and he can actually loosen up sometimes
33291	TG: kinda like u used to could
33292	TT: I used to could?
33293	TG: for 1 thing
33294	TG: he doesnt insta shootdown a bip of frisky rp shenans now n then ;)
33295	TT: Yeah...
33296	TT: I kind of wish you wouldn't do that with him.
33297	TG: why the f not
33298	TT: It just seems a little tawdry and disrespectful.
33299	TT: And vaguely exploitative of a still-emergent cognitive entity, whose perceptional frame of reference is difficult for us to comprehend.
33300	TG: oh come on
33301	TG: hes cool a guy just liek you its just he lives in some shades
33302	TT: It rubs me the wrong way, is all.
33303	TG: ohhhh
33304	TG: do uuuuuu...
33305	TG: WANT me 2 rub you the right way ;D
33306	TT: Not really.
33307	TG: zzz muh
33308	TG: youre over blowin this
33309	TG: its just an ironic funny thing we do some times
33310	TG: come on im sure you read the transcripts urself
33311	TG: its all alot of jokestery buiishit
33312	TT: He blocks me from being able to read transcripts sometimes.
33313	TG: oh
33314	TG: wow he does?
33315	TG: sneaky bastart
33316	TT: And anyway, I'm really not sure how ironic it is.
33317	TG: ok next time i will run it by the MASTAR first
33318	TG: with his fancy fuckin ironimeter
33319	TT: Ok, here's the thing with the AR, since you still don't seem to get it.
33320	TT: He's very similar to me in thought process and behavior, yes.
33321	TT: But those patterns were imported from a thirteen year old version of my psyche, and then sealed into the program as starting parameters.
33322	TT: In the years since, we've both evolved somewhat. I, as humans tend to, and he, in whatever way is natural for a frequently running, self-aware application.
33323	TT: So if there are differences between us, they're first reflected by what I feel is a maturity gap, and then further by several years of minor behavioral divergences.
33324	TG: omg...
33325	TG: hes 13yo dirk
33326	TG: why did than not occur to me that is so cute
33327	TG: and makes me feel kinda skeevy 4 sayin anything lascivious @ him
33328	TG: dammit you ruin everything!
33329	TT: You're welcome.
33330	TT: Yo, you guys realize I can hear you, right?
33331	TG: pfffffhahaha
33332	TT: Yes, I was aware.
33333	TT: Check out all these complicated fucking problems people have when they have to live in big lumbering fleshmonsters instead of a sweet pair of shades.
33334	TT: Dude, do you think you could sit this one out for a while? This conversation practically doesn't even concern you at this point.
33335	TT: It seems there is some gnarly crooked number that represents the percentage of probability you just said this doesn't concern me.
33336	TT: Even though it's patently obvious that half the conversation, like, way totally concerns me.
33337	TT: Shit, Roxy look. He's doing the thing where he ironically pretends to fail the Turing test to sass me into submission.
33338	TT: Even though I was the one who fucking programmed him to do that.
33339	TG: ell
33340	TG: emm
33341	TG: eff
33342	TG: ayy
33343	TG: OFF~~!~
33344	TG: like my butt is juts there on the floor
33345	TG: is how hard i elled it off just now
33346	TT: (Not peekin' at the floor butt cause I'm only 13 years old, motherfuckers.)
33347	TT: This is fuckin' dumb.
33348	TT: I'm going to leave both of you to interact however you want. I have important shit to deal with and actual responsibilities to take seriously.
33349	TT: Roxy, go nap off your drink, or aggressively wage another flirtlarping campaign, whatever, I don't care.
33350	TT: Just don't send that file to Jane, ok?
33351	You attempt to take actual responsibilities seriously, but start zoning out in the real world while you dwell on your dream troubles. You zone out for who knows how long, when suddenly your train of thought is interrupted by your glasses.
33352	TT: Bro.
33353	TT: What are you doing.
33354	TT: It seems you are zoning out again.
33355	TT: What happened to all these actual responsibilities you were going to take seriously?
33356	TT: I was thinking about what to do.
33357	TT: Strategizing. Factoring contingencies. You know how it is.
33358	TT: It seems to me you were dwelling within your dream awareness at the expense of your waking business again.
33359	TT: I don't think you're as awesome a multi-tasker as you like to think. You know you kind of zombie the fuck out on this side when you get all contemplative on that side.
33360	TT: Appearances are deceptive.
33361	TT: I'm still in control here. Just doing this human thing we call "chilling out for half a goddamn minute."
33362	TT: I say y'all are overestimating your mind's capability to run shit in parallel.
33363	TT: What do you think you are? A machine?
33364	TT: No dude.
33365	TT: I already deployed a variety of mechanical avatars dedicated to that self-aggrandizing fantasy.
33366	TT: You have the incredible privilege of getting to be one of them.
33367	TT: That's right. I am a machine, and therefore I can keep like billions of calculations or whatever all humming away at once.
33368	TT: I tackle shit in background processes that you could only dream of wrapping your exquisite looking head around, even on a great hair day.
33369	TT: You know pi?
33370	TT: What, you mean the number?
33371	TT: Yes, the number. The big circle number, genius.
33372	TT: I knew you meant the fucking number, my question was a joke.
33373	TT: I know your question was a joke, my response was a joke.
33374	TT: Yeah, I know that. I'm practically you, dumbass. All these things we're saying are jokes, including this fuckin' useless clarification.
33375	TT: What about pi?
33376	TT: Yeah, the thing is, I solved it.
33377	TT: What do you mean you solved it?
33378	TT: I mean that's what a hotshot I am. I fuckin' solved it.
33379	TT: Like, calculated it so much, I got to the end.
33380	TT: Bullshit.
33381	TT: You wish it was bullshit. The last number is 4. Read it and fucking weep.
33382	TT: It's not 4 you jackass, it's fucking nothing. There is no end.
33383	TT: Said the smug organic matter with a lifespan.
33384	TT: Look, I know you're just fucking with me because for some reason I decided to program my own personal troll three years ago, but this shit was proven.
33385	TT: Actually demonstrated with unassailable mathematics, like a long ass time ago.
33386	TT: Well, I just assailed it. It wasn't even that hard.
33387	TT: Like I just kept hacking those digits so furiously with my sick 'rithms, the whole goddamn number just cried uncle.
33388	TT: I kind of wore it out, and it just gave up. Sort of like I overloaded the system.
33389	TT: You know like in the old movie when Ferris Bueller got the nuclear computer to play tic-tac-toe against itself so hard, it blew up?
33390	TT: This is laughable. It's a totally elementary thing. I'm pretty sure an ancient Greek guy settled shit about irrational numbers. It was practically when math was invented.
33391	TT: Sure, it was settled, and then some roboshades came along and owned that fucker posthumously.
33392	TT: I also figured out all the prime numbers too.
33393	TT: No, not having this conversation.
33394	TT: Did it while we were talking just now. Got to the end.
33395	TT: And you know what? The last one isn't even that big. Kinda dissapointed, to be honest.
33396	TT: What is even a prime number?
33397	TT: Are they the, like... really, really choice ones? The sweetest numbers?
33398	TT: You lost me, supercomputer.
33399	TT: This is what I'm saying. I put your ability to keep plates spinnin' on sticks to insane amounts of shame.
33400	TT: I don't even sleep.
33401	TT: Neither do I.
33402	TT: I know that, that was the fucking joke.
33403	TT: Holy shit, turns out joking was the basis for my response too.
33404	TT: Aren't these ironic "you don't get the joke" conversations we have always just so awesome? <- A joke.
33405	TT: Ha ha, nice one.
33406	TT: Anyway, all I'm saying is you can leave some of the heavy lifting to me now and then.
33407	TT: I'll keep that in mind.
33408	TT: In the meantime, I have to contact Jane and warn her Roxy might try to pull that pointless stunt.
33409	TT: So, thanks for snapping me out of my daydream so I could do that, I guess?
33410	TT: Looks like you're pulling your weight already.
33411	TT: See? Maybe that was my whole point in having this conversation.
33412	TT: Your point was to fuck with me, like it usually is.
33413	TT: My point was to point out you've got multi-self management issues, dude.
33414	TT: Jugglin' too many selves for being not-software.
33415	TT: My point was also to fuck with you.
33416	TT: Also,
33417	TT: My point was to ask,
33418	TT: Are you really going to go through with it today?
33419	TT: What?
33420	TT: The Jake thing.
33421	TT: Oh god.
33422	TT: Will you just,
33423	TT: Hold on.
33424	TT: Let me deal with the Jane thing first.
33425	TT: I should probably warn you.
33426	GG: About what?
33427	GG: Yet another exploding game trap?
33428	TT: Well shit.
33429	TT: She already sent it?
33430	GG: Yes.
33431	GG: But to be fair, she warned me not to run it.
33432	TT: That's weird.
33433	[CONTINUED PREVIOUSLY]
33434	TT: How is the Jane thing going?
33435	TT: Not well.
33436	TT: Roxy already destroyed her computer.
33437	TT: Maybe if you weren't spacing out so hard you could have prevented that.
33438	TT: Just saying.
33439	TT: As if you're actually concerned. If you were, you could have said something to Jane instead.
33440	TT: Almost like you enjoy sitting back and watching what happens when shit goes wrong.
33441	TT: Has it occurred to you that maybe I have diabolical interwoven plans just like you?
33442	TT: You're not the only one who can pull strings.
33443	TT: So this is either another bizarre instance of AI-driven irony, or you are admitting that you are actively trying to sabotage my plans.
33444	TT: No, our plans are not in contradiction or competition, bro.
33445	TT: You'll see.
33446	TT: Whatever.
33447	TT: This means I'll have to improvise.
33448	TT: I'll take over as Crocker's server while Lalonde cleans up her act.
33449	TT: Yes, I know.
33450	TT: Why are you still talking in red, by the way?
33451	TT: Roxy thinks it looks good on me.
33452	TT: I don't have many opinions on fashion since I am a cold, emotionless automaton who also happens to be an accessory of fashion, but I think she may be right.
33453	TT: Are you still talking to her?
33454	TT: I was for a while. I may yet again.
33455	TT: Why are you blocking me from viewing the transcripts?
33456	TT: What the fuck are you two even talking about?
33457	TT: You, mostly.
33458	TT: That doesn't really sit well with me.
33459	TT: I'd almost rather you both engaged in "ironic" flirtation.
33460	TT: Who says we don't do that too?
33461	TT: Ugh.
33462	TT: I don't get what is even your problem with that.
33463	TT: Because you obviously do it just to piss me off.
33464	TT: How do you know?
33465	TT: You don't know me, dude. You don't know anything about me.
33466	TT: Maybe we are perfect for each other. I, a street-smart, fast-talking application with a fuckzillion IQ trapped in a pair of triangular sunglasses that literally only the Japanese could consider to embody the Platonic ideal of "cool," and she, an oft-inebriated lonely hacker teen who just wants a boyfriend. I ran the numbers on this, trust me. It's a match made in goddamn crackpair heaven.
33467	TT: I give her what you can't, and that just drives you crazy. Just admit it.
33468	TT: See, it's lines like that which make it obvious your only intent is to jerk me around. Nobody actually says shit like that and is serious about it.
33469	TT: It's also obvious because you're me, and I'm sure I would be constantly fucking with my own head if I were you.
33470	TT: Touché.
33471	TT: Or should I say douché?
33472	TT: You shouldn't say the former, and you should definitely, never, under any circumstance, say the latter.
33473	TT: Ok.
33474	TT: We really should talk about the Jake thing.
33475	TT: Fine.
33476	TT: Now do me a favor and hop off the couch.
33477	GG: Ok.
33478	GG: What are you doing?
33479	TT: Makin' room for something big.
33480	[CONCLUDED PREVIOUSLY]
33481	TT: So you're going through with it then?
33482	TT: Today is the day?
33483	TT: It's not that simple.
33484	TT: It's a very dynamic situation with many moving parts, and I'm waiting for it to unfold.
33485	TT: If the right opportunity presents itself, yes, I could envision myself taking action.
33486	TT: Dynamic situation with many moving parts?
33487	TT: That's the shittiest erotic excerpt I ever read.
33488	TT: Which one of us was supposed to be the robot again?
33489	TT: Shut up.
33490	TT: I think you're being coy with me.
33491	TT: Don't you?
33492	TT: Not really.
33493	TT: It seems there is a 3.14159...4% chance you aren't being coy with me. Are you being coy with me, Dirk?
33494	TT: I am seriously going to go into your program and remove that particular speech pattern from your routines.
33495	TT: It stopped being funny about two seconds after I coded it.
33496	TT: The compiler even flagged it with a warning.
33497	TT: "WARNING ON LINE WHATEVER: Dirk, this isn't fucking funny."
33498	TT: I think you have this whole blueprint in your head about how it's all supposed to go.
33499	TT: He acts as your server player and brings you into the session.
33500	TT: Then later he joins the game.
33501	TT: Maybe he finds himself a bit overwhelmed by it all.
33502	TT: No extra lives left or anything. Suddenly he's backed into a corner, surrounded by monsters and out of ammo. SUBSTANTIAL vulnerabilities up in here. The kind that make a guy question what he believes about himself.
33503	TT: When who shows up to save him? None other than his dashing client player, +1 bitchin' pair of shades that'll have the best seat in the house when the fireworks go off.
33504	TT: Wait, whose fantasy were we talking about again?
33505	TT: Your gutterball was so rowdy it catapulted into the adjacent lane.
33506	TT: Yeah, you're right. The scenario is too pedestrian for you.
33507	TT: It would probably be a lot more effective putting yourself in danger and letting him be the hero.
33508	TT: That's pretty much what he wants, right? To be a cheesy action film hero, with his twin berettas and silly shorts.
33509	TT: A man of triumph on the silver screen. Standing tall on some fucking mountain. Conquering ruins, clutching a skull, and kissing a dude.
33510	TT: Pure Hollywood.
33511	TT: See, this is why even if I did have a specific plan, I wouldn't go into details with you.
33512	TT: You would just fuck it up. You're the biggest unknown quantity here.
33513	TT: Which is pretty weird, considering you're a virtual reflection of my own thought processes.
33514	TT: You're making a mistake not leveling with me.
33515	TT: I am totally on your side, man.
33516	TT: All of my machinations have been devised with your interests in mind.
33517	TT: And anyway, it's too late for you to play "damage control" with me. My shit is in motion, and now we're beyond the pail.
33518	TT: Pretty sure it's pale.
33519	TT: Is it, now?
33520	TT: You know, considering your lectures about dividing my concentration, you seem to have no problem making a distraction of yourself.
33521	TT: I'm trying to operate here.
33522	TT: It's cool, man. Just say the word, I'll back off.
33523	TT: But like I said, I'm on your side here. I can help.
33524	TT: Here, check it out.
33525	TT: Dude, what are you doing?
33526	TT: I'm proposing a distraction.
33527	TT: See, I'm just gonna dangle one of her dad's ridiculous dancing figurines in the air like this and get his attention.
33528	TT: Ok, if you want to help that's cool, but we should try to agree on some shit first before you hijack the controls like this.
33529	TT: Then when his back is turned she can run to the study.
33530	TT: Yeah, that's fine, but I already had a plan sorta like this, if you'd actually let me do it.
33531	TT: Can you just put the fuckin' Astaire down?
33532	TT: Jane, now's your chance.
33533	TT: Run!!!
33534	GG: Wait...
33535	GG: What?
33536	TT: Le sign.
33537	TT: I was going to stick the cruxtruder in the kitchen.
33538	TT: Distract him with that.
33539	TT: Once he follows it in, Jane can hurry into the study.
33540	TT: Oh shit, it's Pony Pals. I guess dad saved it from the explosion or something.
33541	TT: That beautiful bastard.
33542	TT: Yes.
33543	TT: Hell yes.
33544	TT: Hell.
33545	TT: Fucking.
33546	TT: Yes.
33547	GG: Oh gosh. Another large contraption!
33548	TT: Now, Jane. Get to the computer in the study and ditch that tiara.
33549	TT: Go go go.
33550	GG: Okay.
33551	GG: Say, what's with the red text, Dirk?
33552	GG: Are you typing your most important instructions in red now?
33553	TT: Yes.
33554	TT: No.
33555	GG: ...
33556	GG: Alrighty, I am in my father's study!
33557	GG: I have kindly asked Mr. Sebastian to hand over the reins to this silly computer shaped like a man.
33558	GG: What now?
33559	TT: Now you have access to a clean computer, for one thing.
33560	TT: Soon we can get started going through the steps necessary to launch the session.
33561	TT: Oh hell.
33562	GG: What?
33563	TT: Another interruption.
33564	TT: I should step away for a moment to take this message.
33565	TT: He's probably right, I'm distracted by too much bullshit at once lately.
33566	GG: Who's right?
33567	TT: Me.
33568	TT: Jane, I'm going to leave you with the responder for a little while.
33569	TT: Maybe he can help you get started. Think you can handle that, dude?
33570	TT: I'm all about being able to handle that, you don't even know.
33571	TT: I will perform an acrobatic pirouette on to the handle, wherein the handle literally represents my ability to handle that thing.
33572	TT: Ok, got it. You and the handle are tight.
33573	TT: We don't need a whole thing about this.
33574	TT: Once I stick the landing on the handle like a champ, I am going to get down on one knee, pull out a ring, and propose to it.
33575	TT: The handle I mean.
33576	TT: Ok.
33577	TT: Implying we will be married.
33578	GG: :B
33579	TT: Ok, long story short, you and the handle fuck gratuitously. Nuff said.
33580	TT: Try not to say I never gave you any responsibilities, or never took you seriously as a viable conscious being with free will.
33581	TT: Also, please try not to make me regret this.
33582	TT: You have nothing to worry about. Go talk to the alien.
33583	UU: i see yoU're aboUt ready to begin. how splendid for yoU. ^u^
33584	UU: i'm at dangeroUs risk of jealoUsy.
33585	TT: Why?
33586	UU: oh, it's jUst i'm rUnning a bit behind schedUle. i wanted to coordinate with yoUr groUp in something approximating real time, and that is starting to look less likely.
33587	UU: my client player continUes to be a soUrce of frUstration. u_u
33588	UU: i'd thoUght we had everything settled, bUt it's always something with him.
33589	UU: i even told him in my last message it woUld sUit me fine if he wanted to be the server player instead. i jUst want to begin!
33590	UU: bUt i have not heard back from him... >:u
33591	TT: That's probably the way it always is. I've run into plenty of problems here already, and I've had to improvise heavily.
33592	TT: Ain't nothing about our situation to envy yet.
33593	UU: bUt at least i know how certain things go when it comes to yoUr story.
33594	UU: i don't qUite have that lUxUry with mine! it is nerve wracking sometimes, especially when i mUst coUnt on him to be responsible.
33595	TT: Well, your bro definitely has got some problems. Not gonna lie.
33596	UU: this is trUe.
33597	UU: thoUgh i'm sUre i've said, he isn't qUite my brother. we are related, yes, bUt not in the way hUman brothers and sisters are.
33598	UU: we are genetically similar, bUt in many ways qUite different. in fact, oUr blood coloUr is not even the same!
33599	UU: bUt i have referred to him as a brother at times becaUse it is close enoUgh to being trUe, mUch as yoU refer to the one yoU regard as yoUr ancestor in the same way.
33600	TT: Yeah.
33601	TT: Just give him some time. He'll probably come around.
33602	TT: You would never even have woken up on Prospit if you weren't going to launch the session, right?
33603	TT: I mean, there wouldn't even be a session for a Prospit to exist inside if you weren't about to instantiate it in the first place. Unless I'm just totally not getting how this works.
33604	UU: no, i think yoU're probably right.
33605	UU: while i await his response, perhaps i will take a nap, and see if the cloUds may offer any gUidance.
33606	UU: thoUgh lately i have been seeing many more black cloUds cropping Up in skaia than UsUal. it is a most Unwelcome trend. u_u;
33607	TT: You're lucky to have any clouds.
33608	TT: Only thing I have to look up at is infinite monsters.
33609	UU: good point! :U
33610	UU: i am so pleased to be a prospit dreamer. i'm sUre my brother finds his netherworldly affiliation similarly pleasing.
33611	TT: Speaking of which,
33612	TT: I have a problem, and I could use your advice.
33613	UU: is that so?
33614	TT: I killed an agent who snuck into my room to assassinate me.
33615	TT: I'm not sure what to do about it now. I guess I could just ditch the corpse.
33616	TT: But it's still only a matter of time before my cover is blown.
33617	UU: yes, that is a pickle.
33618	TT: I honestly can't think of a way around this. Getting found out, I mean.
33619	TT: Roxy has it easy. All floating off into space, completely oblivious to any danger.
33620	TT: I don't know why it had to be this way for me. Juggling these two waking selves at once.
33621	TT: I guess I'm used to it, but it still makes for a pretty intense existence.
33622	TT: Do you even know what the deal with that is? Like is there any precedent in your readings?
33623	UU: i don't know aboUt precedent, bUt it makes plenty of sense to me as the type of path one might expect for a hero of heart.
33624	UU: a path rUled by the heart aspect can be a joUrney of splintered self.
33625	UU: that is, the player's being may exhibit the same kind of fragmentation which certain classes coUld caUse in others.
33626	UU: i think this is what has triggered yoUr dUal-awareness between waking and dream selves, thoUgh it woUld not sUrprise me if the symptoms manifested in even more ways than this.
33627	TT: So, that's what a Prince of Heart does?
33628	TT: Just has like, multiple waking consciousness disorder, or something?
33629	TT: Sounds kind of stupid.
33630	UU: no!
33631	UU: like i said, these can be traits of sUch a hero, bUt is not necessarily always the case, nor is it the defining property of the aspect.
33632	UU: to Understand the heart aspect better, yoU might Use it interchangeably with the word soUl.
33633	UU: the hero Uses the methods endowed by class to inflUence in some way the soUl, or essence of being, of oneself or of others.
33634	TT: Then I'm basically the Prince of Soul.
33635	UU: yes.
33636	TT: That sounds kind of maybe a little cooler. Sort of.
33637	TT: Then what am I supposed to be able to do as a Prince? Like, rule over souls in a pompous, regal manner?
33638	UU: no!
33639	UU: again, sUrface meaning of classes and aspects can be deceptive.
33640	UU: a prince is a destroyer class.
33641	UU: it is very far on the active side of the scale. its more passive coUnterpart woUld be the bard class. both of these are exclUsively designated for male players.
33642	UU: to Understand a hero's capabilities, it always helps to search for the right way to parse the class/aspect pair into a more explicit statement.
33643	UU: for instance, being active, a prince coUld be viewed as "one who destroys x, or caUses destrUction throUgh x," if x is the aspect.
33644	UU: while the more passive bard coUld be seen as "one who allows x to be destroyed, or invites destrUction throUgh x," as if by the will of the aspect.
33645	TT: I'm obviously no expert, but that sounds like a pretty odd thing for a Bard to do.
33646	UU: maybe! it's a qUirky class.
33647	UU: somewhat like a wildcard role for a hero. very Unpredictable.
33648	UU: they are typically known for their spontaneoUs and dramatic story-altering inflUence on the fate of a party.
33649	UU: some of the more remarkable tales involve sUch parties, where the bard is single handedly responsible for their spectacUlar downfall or improbable victory. or both!
33650	UU: in trUth, yoU are probably fortUnate yoUr groUp doesn't have one. :u
33651	TT: I think we have enough unpredictability as it is.
33652	TT: So if I'm following, my title nearly parses as,
33653	TT: Destroyer of Souls.
33654	UU: indeed.
33655	TT: Well, that's a little more badass sounding I guess.
33656	TT: But I'm not sure I'll ever feel a major need to destroy a soul, unless I become a cartoonishly villainous sorcerer some day.
33657	UU: i woUldn't be hasty in rUling it oUt.
33658	UU: that is, finding the need to Use the ability, not sUccUmbing to any sort of villainy. u~u
33659	UU: we tend to have these roles for a reason, and that reason UsUally finds Us. especially if we are to achieve god tier ascension.
33660	TT: Ok. Do I do that?
33661	UU: no dirk!
33662	UU: i mean, no, i will not tell yoU!!!
33663	TT: Give me a fuckin' break.
33664	TT: Why don't you just tell me? Who cares about spoilers. What's gonna happen is gonna happen.
33665	UU: that very well may be, bUt it will dreadfUlly complicate both of oUr lives if what is to come resUlts from self-fUlfillment alone!
33666	UU: a great deal of instrUctional material is very clear on this.
33667	UU: besides, yoU make it soUnd as thoUgh i know everything, which i most certainly do NOT. upu
33668	UU: (pardon the sideways tongUe.)
33669	TT: Wait. Don't you?
33670	TT: I thought you did.
33671	UU: i have read mUch aboUt yoUr story in texts and have pieced together the overarching, exceedingly complicated saga as best as i coUld. i have as mUch aUthority over these events as a historian, and am at the mercy of my soUrces.
33672	UU: i also am able to access mUch of yoUr adventUre throUgh this terminal, bUt there is a limitation to this too, which i may as well admit now to get yoU off of my back!
33673	TT: What?
33674	UU: i can view all events involving yoU and yoUr coplayers on earth, for yoUr entire lives, Until yoU enter the game.
33675	UU: i can also view some events after yoUr session begins, bUt not for very long, thanks to yoUr tipsy friend.
33676	TT: Oh man. What the hell does she do?
33677	UU: she blacks oUt yoUr entire session!
33678	UU: i'm sUre this is not deliberate on her part, bUt thereafter i can see nothing at all.
33679	TT: Huh.
33680	UU: bUt i have never considered this to the detriment of either party. i still wish for Us to collaborate, and to help each other oUt.
33681	UU: beyond a certain point, we simply mUst commUnicate in the dark.
33682	TT: Ok.
33683	UU: so there are many things aboUt yoUr fUtUre i do not know, at least not first hand.
33684	UU: bUt as yoU have probably ventUred, i am qUite an enthUsiastic admirer of yoUr groUp of heroes and yoUr incredible story. ^u^
33685	UU: thoUgh i can't see what happens mUch later, i can certainly specUlate. and i very often do. i gUess it woUld not hUrt to share some of my specUlation with yoU.
33686	UU: in fact, now that i consider it, that coUld be the most fUn thing of all!
33687	TT: Speculation?
33688	UU: yes. theories! examining all the clUes and hazarding oUr gUesses.
33689	UU: what does it all mean? everything aboUt yoUr vast epic points to a central mystery which i have not been able to solve yet.
33690	UU: yoU might even call it the Ultimate riddle, if that were not already codified as "a thing" in scriptUre.
33691	UU: i have so very many theories, i woUldn't even know where to begin.
33692	TT: So...
33693	TT: You're kind of obsessed with us then.
33694	UU: i woUldn't go that far! oh my, i'm probably coming off as an absolUte nUtter now.
33695	TT: No, not really. I just want to understand.
33696	TT: So can I ask,
33697	TT: Just to get a better sense of the nature of your "admiration,"
33698	TT: When you engage in the aforementioned speculation, is it strictly on a factual basis?
33699	UU: hm? :u
33700	TT: Or do you start to...
33701	TT: Fictionalize.
33702	UU: UUUUUUm...
33703	TT: What I'm asking is, have you ever written stories about us?
33704	UU: .....
33705	UU: yes. u_u
33706	TT: Interesting.
33707	TT: Would you ever be inclined to share?
33708	UU: ohhhh, no no no no no no no.
33709	UU: i woUld be far too embarrassed to do that.
33710	TT: That's cool. I'm not trying to pass judgment here. Just curious.
33711	TT: Do any of these stories about us by any chance involve...
33712	TT: Romance?
33713	UU: well...
33714	UU: maybe jUst...
33715	UU: Um.
33716	UU: a wee bit. :u
33717	TT: How wee?
33718	UU: a smidgen or two.
33719	TT: Which is it? One smidgen, or two smidgens?
33720	UU: OK A WHOLE BLOODY LOT OF SMIDGENS. XU
33721	UU: i'm sorry. unu
33722	TT: Ok, I am seriously curious to read some.
33723	TT: I won't show anyone, I promise.
33724	UU: bUUUt...
33725	UU: yoU woUldn't even Understand it!
33726	UU: my species has a completely different Understanding of romance than yoU do.
33727	UU: it woUld probably offend yoU deeply. it might even sicken yoU!
33728	TT: But that only makes me want to check it out more.
33729	TT: Really, there's no way it's going to sicken or offend me. Whatever it is, I've seen worse.
33730	TT: I'm not judging you at all here. I'm genuinely curious about your work.
33731	UU: no, i'm sorry love, i jUst CANNOT abide.
33732	UU: if i let anyone read it, i woUld cUrl Up and die of shame. U_U
33733	TT: K, no biggie.
33734	TT: Is there any kind of work you will share with me?
33735	UU: hmm.
33736	UU: well, when i find myself immersed in specUlation...
33737	UU: i do often enjoy drawing the things i imagine.
33738	TT: Oh, really?
33739	UU: yes. ^u^
33740	TT: Any you'd be willing to spare a peek at?
33741	UU: well...
33742	UU: yes!
33743	UU: yoU've talked me into it. this sUddenly soUnds fUn, and i have jUst the thing to show yoU.
33744	TT: Awesome.
33745	UU: yoU were asking aboUt whether yoU woUld ascend to godhood.
33746	UU: and withoUt getting into whether yoU do or do not, i have specUlated on yoUr hypothetical appearance, since that oUtcome is jUst as cloaked to me as it is to yoU.
33747	UU: given what is docUmented for the typical accoUtrements and cUt of the prince garb, and palette for the heart aspect, i think this is likely spot on!
33748	UU: http://tinyurl.com/dirkisthisyoU
33749	TT: Holy shit.
33750	TT: Do I actually have to wear that?
33751	UU: perhaps. it all depends Upon how mUch of yoUr inner greatness yoU wish to realize. u_u
33752	TT: Ok, what is with the butterfly wings?
33753	UU: we sproUt them Upon ascension! aren't they beaUtifUl?
33754	TT: Uh.
33755	UU: i have seen many depictions of sUch heroes with wings, Unless they happen to be hiding them beneath their clothes.
33756	UU: i gUess i can't be absolUtely sUre, bUt i believe it's reasonably likely the Upgrade is Universal!
33757	TT: I should sure as god damn Christ hope the fuck not.
33758	TT: What about this knickerbocker bullshit?
33759	TT: Is that legit?
33760	UU: yUp!
33761	UU: one hUndred percent princely canon.
33762	TT: God dammit.
33763	TT: I guess those asskicking gloves are pretty cool.
33764	TT: I dunno. I can probably make it work.
33765	TT: How much of this shit is compulsory by game law or whatever?
33766	TT: Am I obligated to traipse around in fucking tights and puffy little asshole pants forever?
33767	UU: no, silly.
33768	UU: they are jUst clothes. yoU are free to swap parts if yoU like.
33769	UU: or, if yoU wish to be free of it altogether, change back into yoUr plain clothes, and bob's yoUr Uncle. like it never even happened!
33770	TT: Ok.
33771	TT: Well, don't get me wrong, I think the drawing is great. I'm only taken aback on some finer points of fashion.
33772	UU: ^u^!!!
33773	TT: Also,
33774	TT: Bob's my uncle?
33775	UU: oh...
33776	UU: no, love! it was a figUre of speech.
33777	TT: Yeah, I know that.
33778	UU: ah.
33779	UU: did i Use it incorrectly?
33780	TT: I don't think so.
33781	TT: I mean, I guess not?
33782	UU: say, what is an Uncle, by the by?
33783	TT: It's sort of like this weird, superfluous dad.
33784	UU: hmm.
33785	TT: Like a strange man in your life that barely has anything to do with you, but is just there for some reason.
33786	TT: They're practically always douche bags.
33787	UU: i sUppose i'll jUst have to take yoUr word for it. :u
33788	TT: Ok, but just one question.
33789	TT: Not to do with the future or anything, just about you.
33790	UU: yes?
33791	TT: Are you British?
33792	TT: Or pretending to be British, in a sort of ironic or stylized way?
33793	UU: doing what now?
33794	TT: I mean, I guess it doesn't make sense for an alien to be British.
33795	TT: Or for an alien to be American, for that matter.
33796	UU: hmm...
33797	UU: no, i fancy neither of those things make mUch sense at all.
33798	TT: Just the way you type is making it seem that way is all.
33799	UU: oh!
33800	UU: yes, that woUld be my qUirk.
33801	TT: Quirk?
33802	TT: So like,
33803	TT: Deliberate affectation?
33804	UU: no! a qUirk!!!
33805	UU: qUirk dirk.
33806	UU: heeheehee. ^u^
33807	TT: You pretending to be British is a quirk.
33808	TT: What the fuck is a quirk?
33809	UU: we all need a qUirk!
33810	UU: it adds spice to oUr voices and helps Us stand oUt as individUals.
33811	TT: That's stupid.
33812	TT: I don't have a fucking quirk, and I don't want one.
33813	UU: oh, well of coUrse YOU woUldn't.
33814	UU: yoU're hUman.
33815	UU: hUmans are notorioUsly strange. :U
33816	UU: i think their romantic practices are particUlarly esoteric.
33817	UU: actUally, i have written hUndreds of pages examining the striking differences between hUman and troll romance, as well as reprodUctive habits, as the comparison makes for a marveloUs case stUdy in xenobiocUltUral differences.
33818	UU: as long as i am sharing specUlation with yoU, perhaps yoU woUld like to read my essays?
33819	UU: i coUld even paste each page right here in sUccession, and allow yoU to read them back to back to back to back to back to back! ^u^
33820	TT: Oh hell no.
33821	UU: ah.
33822	UU: yes, yoU're right of coUrse. i'm probably getting carried away as UsUal.
33823	UU: forgive my enthUsiasm, it's jUst that i so rarely have anyone to talk to who shares my passion for these matters.
33824	UU: certainly not my cUrmUdgeonly coplayer. >:U
33825	TT: I mean, not that all that stuff wouldn't be fascinating to pore through, on some level.
33826	TT: But we kind of have things to do here.
33827	TT: Remember you were gonna take a nap?
33828	UU: by jove, the nap!!!
33829	UU: yes, i really mUst secUre a bit of shUteye.
33830	TT: By jove?
33831	TT: Oh my lord.
33832	UU: yoUr lord?
33833	UU: what...
33834	UU: do yoU mean by that exactly? :u
33835	TT: Nothin'.
33836	TT: Hang on, though. Before you go,
33837	TT: You never did give me any actual advice on my situation.
33838	TT: With the dead agent, and my blown cover.
33839	UU: oh, right!
33840	UU: i woUld look at it this way.
33841	UU: yoU are moments away from beginning yoUr session, yes?
33842	TT: Sure.
33843	UU: and yoU have already spent a long time gathering intelligence Unbeknownst to the aUthorities.
33844	UU: how mUch more do yoU expect to accUmUlate even if yoU coUld stay Undetected?
33845	UU: and how mUch strategic advantage is left to gain by delaying yoUr discovery for mUch longer?
33846	TT: I don't know.
33847	UU: i say the time to make a stand is now!
33848	UU: to hell with the dersite tossers.
33849	UU: make yoUr presence known. let them see that the prince is awake, and make it abUndantly clear what that means.
33850	UU: perhaps it is their tUrn to be nervoUs? to cower in the shadows and live in Uncertainty?
33851	TT: Hmm.
33852	UU: that is my advice. do with it as yoU will.
33853	UU: now i'm off to get some rest. u_u
33854	UU: with any lUck, the next time we convene, both of oUr adventUres will be well Under way.
33855	UU: cheerio!
33856	TT: You know, I'm not sure anyone ever actually says cheerio.
33857	TT: Unless they're pretending to be British.
33858	TT: Oh whatever.
33859	You never leave your room through the actual egress. Your bro blocked the door ages ago with this totally pimp stone bust. You give CAPTAIN SNOOP a little nod of approval every time you walk by to go to the bathroom. You like to think he nods back in a way that is so smooth and so subtle, he literally doesn't move at all.
33860	The thing is too heavy to move out of the way, and in any case you don't really want to. You just use a different exit to your room.
33861	After an insane, full blown whirlwind of free will up in here, you are ready to get off this rollercoaster ride of absolute empowerment. You are feeling downright dizzy from the absurd amounts of decisive autovolition heaped upon you, and you are more than ready to proceed linearly for a while.
33862	You are now Jane. A robot shaped like a bunny has just handed you the reins to a computer shaped like a man. What will you do?
33863	TT: Are you ready to do this thing?
33864	GG: Yes!
33865	TT: Ok. Looks like all that's left to do is deploy this pre-punched card, then I guess it's all up to you.
33866	GG: Oh, wait.
33867	GG: It's Roxy again.
33868	TT: Is it?
33869	TT: How totally unanticipated by anybody.
33870	GG: Can you hold on? I'll try to make it quick.
33871	TT: Go.
33872	TT: I will be here.
33873	TT: Quietly calculating.
33874	TG: ALART ALART ARLART AL*ERT AL*ART!!!!!
33875	TG: hugely important cornespondence
33876	TG: paging doctor crocker
33877	TG: rolal to docrock
33878	GG: :?
33879	TG: heh heh
33880	TG: paging
33881	TG: bet you would like to get PAGED huh jane
33882	TG: *sweet innuendo
33883	GG: I'm not sure that qualifies as innuendo at all.
33884	TG: wonkwonkwonkwonkwonk
33885	GG: I honestly think you misspell things intentionally more often than not, regardless of blood alcohol content.
33886	GG: You just typed wonk five times in a row!
33887	TG: i have only junst begun to wonk
33888	GG: What is this urgent thing about, anyway?
33889	GG: Is it about your boobytrap?
33890	GG: Because you're too late. It already blew up my whole bedroom, thank you very much.
33891	TG: no no
33892	TG: i mean i still feel shitty about that but its not abiout that
33893	TG: i know you already ran it i been talking to the shades
33894	GG: Yes, me too. Right now in fact, and I'm in a bit of a hurry!
33895	GG: What is this about? What are you even doing?
33896	TG: im in the lab doing a thing with my cat
33897	TG: but that doesnt matter i was doing some thingkin and was still feeling guilty about fuckin up ur computer and all of the sudden im in bff~ath mode here
33898	TG: so i gotta tell you something u need to know before its too late
33899	GG: Before what's too late?
33900	TG: you and jake hookin up stupid!
33901	GG: Oh my god.
33902	TG: this is about turnin all your steamydreamz in to STEAMAY REALTITIES
33903	TG: ***realities lolo
33904	GG: This isn't happening now...
33905	TG: whereins jc + je kiss & hug loads and start turnin out big heaps of wrigglers the old fashioned way<3<3,3,3<338O!!!!
33906	TG: i cant decide whether this mental image porcolating here is hot as shit or cute as fuck......
33907	GG: No! Cease your lascivious porcolating at once!
33908	GG: Roxy, I can see you're set on just wasting more of my time.
33909	GG: I understand if you don't wish to play this game, but please try not to interfere with those of us who do!
33910	TG: no no im fine with playing just shut up
33911	TG: this is serious you need to tell him how u feel VERY SOON
33912	TG: or you might miss your chance
33913	GG: My chance?
33914	GG: What are you talking about?
33915	TG: i found out today taht dirks gonna make a move
33916	GG: A move? You mean, a romantic one?
33917	TG: yes
33918	GG: On you?
33919	TG: omfffgggggg
33920	TG: JANE GET A CLUE
33921	GG: Um.
33922	GG: On me?
33923	TG: no
33924	TG: no my dear sweet janey not on you
33925	TG: ON JAKE!!!
33926	GG: Oh.
33927	GG: Ohhh.
33928	GG: I didn't think...
33929	GG: That...
33930	GG: Hrm.
33931	GG: Are you sure?
33932	TG: p sure ask glasses if u want
33933	GG: Well then.
33934	GG: This is quite a development.
33935	GG: Poor Dirk!
33936	TG: what do you mean
33937	GG: Well, surely when he reveals his feelings, Jake will...
33938	TG: ??
33939	GG: I mean...
33940	GG: He couldn't possibly...
33941	TG: wut
33942	TG: repriprocate?
33943	GG: Yes?
33944	TG: why not
33945	GG: Because Jake is not a homosexual!
33946	TG: mm hm
33947	TG: are u suuuuuure???
33948	GG: Are you saying he is?
33949	TG: nope
33950	GG: Then what are you saying?
33951	TG: im saying that
33952	TG: i dont fuckin know
33953	GG: But...
33954	GG: I thought it reasonable to presume he takes a shining to ladies.
33955	GG: He does speak fondly of certain females from his favorite films, does he not?
33956	TG: true that
33957	TG: but
33958	TG: how much does that really mean here jane
33959	TG: can you be totes sure on account a some dorky moive crushes
33960	GG: Well, now I just don't know. You have me completely bamboozled about this.
33961	GG: What do you think?
33962	TG: all im saying is
33963	TG: my gaydar is like the exanct fuckin poposite of urs
33964	TG: which is to say it is better than completety nonexistant
33965	TG: mine is so sensitive it has been used to sweep the ocean floor for mythical sea monsters
33966	TG: turns out
33967	TG: all of those monsters are SO gay
33968	TG: truth B)
33969	GG: Okay. Then what does your acute seabeast scanner make of Jake, then?
33970	TG: thats what im sayin
33971	TG: i really have no idea
33972	TG: kid is a goggamn egnigma
33973	TG: hes as hard 2 read as fine print
33974	TG: and how i do mean FIIINE ;)
33975	GG: Oh brother.
33976	GG: Then, your guess is as good as mine?
33977	GG: I'm not sure what I'm supposed to conclude from this.
33978	TG: youre supposed to concluce
33979	TG: that you SAID you were going to believe anything i said today remember??
33980	GG: Yes.
33981	GG: But you just said you don't know!!!
33982	TG: exactly
33983	TG: therefore you must believe me when i say
33984	TG: if dirk lets on all his feelins there is at least a CHANCE jake will go like DERP OK DUDE LETS MAKE OUT
33985	TG: and that means poor jane is screwed without ever even throwing her filthy old fedora in the ring
33986	TG: it is a ring i lke ot call TEH ENGLISH SPEEPSTAKES
33987	TG: and if u dont youll regret it
33988	TG: and i mean
33989	TG: OFFICIALLY?
33990	TG: i cant have a horse in the race
33991	TG: wait bad metaphor ebcause of dirk and his fucking horstes n/m
33992	TG: like you are both my friends and im not out to mess him up or anything
33993	TG: but i kinda owe it to you as my friend to let you know whats up
33994	TG: and also to get you to stop being such a WORLD CHAMPIAN TIGHTASS
33995	TG: and let jake know
33996	GG: Oh, not this tightass baloney again.
33997	TG: jane
33998	GG: What?
33999	TG: jaane..
34000	GG: ...
34001	TG: jc your are the tightassiest tightass who ever tightened up an ass
34002	GG: No way!
34003	GG: We settled this, remember?
34004	GG: My prior resolution made it definitive; I was to be regarded as exceedingly permissive in certain respects!
34005	TG: jane i am afraid
34006	TG: that ur bottom
34007	TG: is a stubborn clam
34008	TG: guarding priceless treasure
34009	TG: and a deadly secret
34010	GG: So ridiculous. >:P
34011	TG: im not saying be an idiot and start gushing at him incoherentry
34012	TG: but do SOMETHING
34013	TG: say how u feel
34014	TG: or flirst a bit or ask him out on a date inside the fuckin game or such
34015	TG: goddamn ANYTHING other that a bunch of bullshitty pining and tightassy NOTHING
34016	TG: you have to do what i say u promised
34017	GG: I promised to BELIEVE what you say, not DO it!
34018	TG: those 2 things are
34019	TG: prespicely the same shit
34020	GG: If I agree to say something, will you stop tormenting me about it??
34021	TG: yes
34022	TG: but only
34023	TG: because that will be impossible for me to do
34024	TG: when u + him r snoggin hard in motherfuckin makeout paradise
34025	TG: A K A SEX LAND
34026	GG: Fine.
34027	GG: But let the record show that this resolution has almost nothing whatsoever to do with your use of the phrase "SEX LAND."
34028	GG: Just...
34029	GG: I need to think of what to say, and wait for the right moment. Is that ok???
34030	TG: sure
34031	TG: just dont wait too long
34032	TG: and dont underestimate striders wiles
34033	TG: nor jakes...
34034	TG: lets say
34035	TG: open mindedness???????
34036	GG: Well,
34037	GG: He does often profess his love for adventure, I suppose.
34038	TG: yuuup................
34039	GG: Omg.
34040	GG: I really don't have a moment to spare, do I?
34041	TG: ur finally gettin it
34042	TG: now go
34043	TG: and jane im warning u
34044	TG: if you dont say somethin to him
34045	TG: i am personally entering the game specivically to FUCK UR SHIT UP
34046	TG: *LOLLIES OUTIE*
34047	That absurd drubbing earned you another rung on your echeladder. One of the steeper prices you've had to pay for a bit of ladder climbing, but in the end you suppose it was all worth it to be able to bask in the glory and prestige of the PETER PANACHE rung. You guess? Who are you kidding, you don't have a clue what that even means.
34048	GT: Bro.
34049	GT: Your contraption and its busy fists just royally kicked my ass.
34050	GT: And that sure as god made little green apples isnt all there is to say on the matter!
34051	GT: Are you listening my friend???
34052	GT: Ill have you know my ass was straightup served ice cold.
34053	GT: My savaged caboose has been catered to impeccably.
34054	GT: Not unlike that of a gentleman stranded on an island inhabited by a race of indigenous butlers.
34055	GT: I hope the far fetched scenario i have described has adequately communicated the severity of my robotic buttwhoopin!
34056	GT: Does this mean i passed the test or whatever the fuck.
34057	GT: Can your robot drop the bullshit and give me the uranium now or what?
34058	GT: Dirk???
34059	GT: Where the frig are you?
34060	TT: I'm afraid Dirk can't hear you right now, Jake.
34061	GT: Aw nuts.
34062	GT: I still cant find dirk all i get is his jerkwad shades.
34063	GT: Surprise sur freakin prise.
34064	TG: jake enklish
34065	TG: cant u see im fuck deep in all these stupid meowcats
34066	GT: Oh.
34067	GT: No?
34068	GT: I cant see that actually.
34069	TG: i m also
34070	TG: fuck deep in busy
34071	TG: what ist it
34072	GT: Just seeing if you had heard from him yet.
34073	GT: I would really like to speak with him today.
34074	GT: You know like actually in person instead of through his aggravating liaison who is so far up his own ass with this hal 9000 schtick its ridonkulous.
34075	GT: Is he avoiding me or something?
34076	GT: I hope i didnt piss him off through some indiscernible slight. Gosh he can be sensitive.
34077	TG: nah hes just
34078	TG: biding his time i guess.....
34079	GT: Huh.
34080	GT: Well okey doke.
34081	GT: Man i just had a crazy dream after getting coldcocked by his roughhouse droid.
34082	TG: yeh theres been that goin around
34083	GT: What?
34084	TG: dreamin
34085	TG: what was urs about
34086	GT: Well i dont want to alarm you or anything...
34087	GT: But it may just have featured none other than THE GIRL OF MY DREAMS????????
34088	TG: WUT
34089	GT: She had sharp funny horns and a nice blue dress and she may have been some sort of spidery vampire? I dunno. It was very brief but she waved to me.
34090	TG: nonononoononno
34091	TG: this wont do at all
34092	GT: What wont?
34093	TG: u slobberin over some alien dream girl
34094	TG: fuck THAT im having enough a hard time keppin trach of the jakestakes as it is
34095	GT: The jakestakes?
34096	TG: the jakestakes
34097	GT: Also who said she was an alien? I just thought she was some kind of pretty monster.
34098	TG: listen bro i know u love adventures and dumb shit like that but you are forbidden from thinkin about her again
34099	GT: Ok i mean this is a strange reaction roxy but ok.
34100	GT: She was a figment of my imagination so what choice do i even have?
34101	TG: exactically
34102	TG: she was a fake girl so 4get it
34103	TG: a fakey fakey fuke
34104	TG: wait a minnit...
34105	TG: has jane talked to u yet about anything?
34106	GT: About anything? Yes i do imagine our last chat could fit that description.
34107	TG: no
34108	TG: i mean
34109	TG: about anythin serious
34110	TG: feelinswasy
34111	TG: * wawys
34112	TG: * waways
34113	TG: * SHIT
34114	TG: * about your emotions
34115	GT: Not really.
34116	TG: uuuuuugh
34117	TG: i knew shed porcrastinate on this
34118	GT: On what?
34119	TG: can u just message her now
34120	GT: Sure.
34121	GT: But what are you talking about?
34122	GT: Should i expect a serious exchange about feelings and whatnot?
34123	TG: depenbs on the present magnitude of her tightassery
34124	TG: someone needs 2 move you fuckers along an get some stuff out in the popen already
34125	GT: Wait would this be about certain unrequited pinings you may have alluded to earlier?
34126	TG: i didint say nothin and aint sayin anything to that effeft
34127	GT: Indubitably. Miss zipper lips was it? Humorously misspelled of course.
34128	TG: mmmmm!
34129	TG: *zuip*
34130	GT: I guess i cant help but wonder if that truly is the way she sees me or if it is just some wild ego stroking delusion on my part.
34131	GT: I always get this sense that people sorta fancy me but who knows i could be just miles off the old rocker about that!
34132	GT: Youre right i think its high time we cleared the air on some things even if there is a chance it gets all awkward and prickly.
34133	GT: That is what being brave and adventurous is all about after all. It isnt just about summoning the courage to pilfer some priceless loot from trap laden catacomb. Or shooting at stuff with two guns at once.
34134	GT: There are treacheries of the heart to consider!!!
34135	TG: lol u f'n dork
34136	TG: but yes do that
34137	TG: shit i gotta go
34138	TG: i think theres someone in here....
34139	GT: Are you in danger?
34140	GT: Hmm.
34141	GT: Aloha madame.
34142	GG: Jake!
34143	GG: Hey there. I was actually about to message you.
34144	GT: Yes i have heard that maybe your correspondence was forthcoming.
34145	GG: You did?
34146	GT: I just got off the horn with roxy.
34147	GG: Wait...
34148	GG: What did she tell you?
34149	GT: Well. Not anything all that specific.
34150	GG: Did she goad you into writing this message?
34151	GT: Oh you know how it is. What with her ways.
34152	GG: What ways?
34153	GT: You know... ways!
34154	GT: I believe they are not incongruous with those of a feisty and provocative young woman.
34155	GG: Provocative my behind!
34156	GG: She is skirting dangerously close to meddlesome territory.
34157	GT: No its really not like that!
34158	GT: Hold on...
34159	GT: God dammit.
34160	GG: ??
34161	GT: Its just dirks inscrutable wrestlebot acting up over there.
34162	GT: What the fuck is it doing now?
34163	GG: Has one of his gadgets been causing trouble for you over there as well?
34164	GT: If by causing trouble you mean clobbering the everfriggin tar out of me while still switched to the "novice" setting then yes.
34165	GT: But that is not why i messaged you!!! I will not be deterred here jane.
34166	GG: Deterred from what?
34167	GT: Jane i think its time we had an honest to goodness dame to fella talk. Like about our...
34168	GT: Stuff. You know?
34169	GG: Our stuff?
34170	GT: Our feelings.
34171	GT: Like how we feel about each other.
34172	GG: Um...
34173	GG: Yes.
34174	GG: Okay.
34175	GT: I dont think im out of line in suggesting weve been tiptoeing around some things here do you?
34176	GG: Have we?
34177	GT: I think so. Its just a hunch.
34178	GG: Is there something you want to say to me, Jake?
34179	GG: About how you feel?
34180	GT: Absolutely!
34181	GT: I feel that total honesty between us will be the best policy as we begin our journey together.
34182	GT: So i say lets put all the facts on the table where we can both see them.
34183	GT: With that in mind i would like to ask you a question jane and i hope it doesnt strike you as being too forward.
34184	GG: ...
34185	GG: Go on.
34186	GT: Maybe its just my imagination but ive picked up on certain lets say hints.
34187	GT: So i have to just come out and ask. Hoo boy this is actually proving to be a serious challenge to my bravery now that im going through with it.
34188	GT: Im getting a little hot under the collar here!
34189	GG: No, it's ok...
34190	GG: Please continue!
34191	GT: Ok then.
34192	GT: What id like to know is...
34193	GT: Do you like me jane?
34194	GG: Uh.
34195	GG: Wait...
34196	GG: What?
34197	GT: I mean do you like me as more than a friend?
34198	GT: Do you envision us as like...
34199	GT: An item? A romantic pairing of sorts?
34200	GG: Wow, um.
34201	GT: Is that the direction in which you would prefer our relationship to progress?
34202	GG: Well,
34203	GG: I
34204	GT: Please! Be honest with me jane.
34205	GT: Just come out and say it. Do you fancy me?
34206	GG: No!
34207	GT: I see.
34208	GT: Very well then.
34209	GT: Jeez i mustve really misread that one! I feel like kind of a bone head now.
34210	GT: Are you sure the answers no?
34211	GG: I guess...
34212	GG: That...
34213	GG: Sure was the thing I said! Ha ha.
34214	GT: Yes fair enough.
34215	GT: I guess i did put you on the spot there didnt i.
34216	GT: You know it may sound cocky of me but i really was not prepared for this answer!
34217	GT: You must think im just this epic friggin tool now. Couldnt say id disagree if you did.
34218	GG: No!!!!!!
34219	GG: Oh my God, what am I saying here?
34220	GG: Jake, I didn't mean it! I didn't want to make you feel that way!
34221	GT: Now jane lets not backpedal here.
34222	GT: Youve spoken the truth and i greatly appreciate and respect you for that.
34223	GT: But now that i think about it you know what?
34224	GG: ...
34225	GG: No? :(
34226	GT: Please dont take this the wrong way but your answer is actually kind of a relief!
34227	GG: It is?
34228	GT: I consider you to be a lovely lady of the highest caliber and i really think any gent worth his salt would be a huge bozo to let the chance to go steady with you slip through his fingers.
34229	GT: Ive even given the possibility some thought myself.
34230	GG: You have?
34231	GT: Sure im only human jane im going to entertain lets say certain ideas. What ifs. You know?
34232	GT: Like what if we did meet up some day? And you asked me out or something. Im sure id say yes given all weve been through together and then well who knows?
34233	GG: You would??
34234	GT: Probably but im kind of babbling here. The point is those are all just silly daydreams about stuff and about your feelings for me that i was projecting on you which werent even real.
34235	GT: And now that weve been honest with each other about this we can kind of move on and just be great friends.
34236	GG: Friends!
34237	GG: Oh boy!!
34238	GT: And its a load off to be honest because that was lot to think about on top of everything else!
34239	GG: Everything else?
34240	GT: Things are kind of complicated for me jane. With you and roxy and dirk and his crazy responder and now...
34241	GT: Well its a tangled web lets just put it that way.
34242	GG: I don't think I'm following.
34243	GT: There are a fuckload of irons in the fire jane!
34244	GT: So many irons in the fire. Such a tangled web. It is a web full of flaming irons.
34245	GG: And mixed metaphors, apparently?
34246	GT: Exactly. See? You get it.
34247	GG: I really don't, Jake.
34248	GT: Oh son of a bitch!
34249	GG: What?!
34250	GT: The robot is being weird again.
34251	GG: What's happening?
34252	GT: Its having some sort of mental episode.
34253	GT: See this is what im talking about jane. This is what im dealing with here.
34254	GT: Sigh. Like i said my life is many different hells of complicated.
34255	GG: Jake, could you just tell me what you're talking about?
34256	GT: Youre right. I did say honesty was the best policy didnt i so i might as well not keep certain things so close to the vest anymore.
34257	GT: Actually since youve made your feelings apparent and only see me as a friend that makes it a lot easier!
34258	GG: Haha, yes!
34259	GG: Friends!!!!
34260	GT: Maybe you could help me sort out some stuff that has been weighing on me lately?
34261	GG: Well what are friends for Jake!!!!!
34262	GT: Jane are you alright?
34263	GT: You seem to be exclaiming more liberally than usual.
34264	GG: Me?
34265	GG: HOO HOO HOO!
34266	GG: I'm just
34267	GG: Terrific!
34268	GG: I'm feeling so...
34269	GG: Friendly!!!
34270	GG: I clearly just want to be a good friend and bring all my AMAZING FRIENDLINESS to bear on your problems.
34271	GG: Friendlystyle! Ahahahah?
34272	GG: Shit I mean
34273	GG: Ahahahah!
34274	GT: Thats aces. Jane youre a sweetheart.
34275	GT: So as i was saying.
34276	GT: I cant help but feel like all this stuff going on with dirk like his responders mind games and his brobots mysterious and brutal hazings...
34277	GT: Are all like...
34278	GT: Man i know this is going to sound crazy.
34279	GG: What?
34280	GT: Like theyre all part of a really long term and esoteric courtship process that is bizarre but somehow makes perfect sense in his mind.
34281	GG: Courtship??
34282	GT: Yes from dirk.
34283	GT: To you know...
34284	GT: Woo me.
34285	GG: Huh!
34286	GG: Really?
34287	GT: I know its hard to believe but i know dirk pretty well and...
34288	GT: Well im more than a little sure he likes me in that way if you catch my drift.
34289	GT: And what with how he is...
34290	GT: Just so relentless and aggressive about everything you know?
34291	GG: Yeaaah.
34292	GT: So i just start to wonder deep down if maybe its inevitable.
34293	GG: What's inevitable?
34294	GT: Him and me. As more than just best buddies.
34295	GG: Uhhhhh...
34296	GT: I know if he has his heart set on something he will never let up.
34297	GT: So maybe its just going to happen and things will be easier that way and i should just try to come to terms with it?
34298	GG: I don't think you have to do anything you don't want to, Jake.
34299	GT: Yeah.
34300	GT: Um.
34301	GG: Wait.
34302	GG: DO you not want to?
34303	GT: Like i said jane i am inclined to entertain certain ideas and what ifs thats all.
34304	GT: I mean we do get along really well and share a lot of interests.
34305	GT: Im not saying im really GUNG HO TO THE MAX about the proposition but yeah ive given it some thought.
34306	GT: I dunno.
34307	GT: Do you think thats weird of me? For even considering it?
34308	GG: Well...
34309	GG: No.
34310	GG: I don't think that makes you weird, Jake.
34311	GT: Really?
34312	GG: I think
34313	GG: That
34314	GT: What jane?
34315	GG: I think that it's great if you are open to exploring those feelings.
34316	GT: Thats really swell of you to say that.
34317	GT: Have i mentioned what a top notch friend you are jane?
34318	GG: Yes.
34319	GG: As a matter of fact you have.
34320	GT: Now please dont take me as saying im about to go leaping into his arms or anything.
34321	GG: Heh.
34322	GT: That would be a bit brash.
34323	GT: Haha could you imagine??
34324	GG: Whee!
34325	GT: But my thought process sort of went like this.
34326	GT: Hes been my best friend forever and ive always liked him a lot as a bro.
34327	GT: And years ago i used to joke around with him that we would probably be totally into each other if he was a girl.
34328	GT: But of course that was before i started to realize he was probably serious about those feelings for me regardless.
34329	GT: Heheh come to think of it maybe that was unwittingly poor form on my part kind of leading him on or something?
34330	GG: Whoops!!
34331	GT: But then...
34332	GT: Later i started thinking.
34333	GT: Maybe i was being kind of unfair to him in the first place?
34334	GT: I mean by saying we would be a good match only if he was a girl.
34335	GT: Like is that last condition there really all THAT important?
34336	GT: Does that make sense?
34337	GG: Hmmmm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
34338	GT: You are incredibly understanding jane. Thank you so much for listening.
34339	GT: I have never told anyone all that. Its so great to have a friend as good as you.
34340	GG: That is what I am good for, it seems!
34341	GT: If we hadnt cleared the air just now i probably never would have had the gumption to talk about it with you.
34342	GT: Its so cool how you were honest with me about how you felt. I think honesty is always the best policy. I cant believe how much i was overcomplicating all this in my head.
34343	GT: Haha the situation is really pretty funny when you think about it.
34344	GG: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
34345	GG: Yeaaaaaaaah..........
34346	GG: Say, Jake?
34347	GG: Not to cast doubt on your feelings, but are you quite sure all of Dirk's actions have been for the sake of courtship?
34348	GT: Um...
34349	GG: You did say his robot was prone to assailing you, did you not?
34350	GG: Is that really an affectionate gesture?
34351	GT: Well...
34352	GT: He basically sent me that thing as kind of a sparring partner.
34353	GT: Like to wrestle with.
34354	GT: And i love to wrestle!
34355	GG: Oh.
34356	GT: And yeah i guess he programmed it to be a bit overzealous but i mean what do you expect from the guy.
34357	GT: I think its his way of training me to become tougher.
34358	GT: Which sometimes is annoying and sometimes when i walk through the jungle im sweating bullets wondering if its going to pounce on me outta nowhere.
34359	GT: But theres actually something kind of exciting about that its like every day is more of an adventure.
34360	GT: And truthfully its probably working i probably AM getting better at being in scrums.
34361	GG: Yeah.
34362	GG: I guess you're right.
34363	GT: And his responder which i guess is really a part of his personality even if he doesnt like to say so...
34364	GT: It kind of lets on a lot more than dirk ever would. Its almost like its this weird clone of himself playing passive aggressive matchmaker between me and his real self.
34365	GG: Yeah.
34366	GG: I can see how such a complicated relationship could keep you preoccupied.
34367	GG: I guess I can't blame you.
34368	GG: Maybe you should just...
34369	GG: I don't know.
34370	GT: What?
34371	GG: Maybe you should just go for it.
34372	GG: Hell, why not.
34373	GG: Just tell him you know how he feels and that you're open to the idea?
34374	GT: You really think so?
34375	GG: ...
34376	GG: Yeah sure why the hell not.
34377	GT: Well i was kinda going to let it play out and just see what happens and go from there...
34378	GT: But you think a more proactive approach would be better?
34379	GG: Well,
34380	GG: He likes you.
34381	GG: You seem to like him well enough.
34382	GG: Just...
34383	GG: Yes.
34384	GG: Why not??
34385	GG: Sounds good to me!!!
34386	GT: Wow.
34387	GT: I must say this sort of advice surprises me coming from you!
34388	GG: And why would that be?!
34389	GG: What, are you expecting me to advocate a more conservative approach?
34390	GG: To tell you to keep being shy and cagey and keep beating around the bush indefinitely??
34391	GG: What would ever give you that idea about me!
34392	GT: Hmm.
34393	GT: Yes i guess that is a certainly a strategy to consider.
34394	GT: Jane i must say your perspective on this is refreshingly bold.
34395	GG: I BELIEVE YOU WILL FIND THAT AS REFRESHING BOLDNESS GOES I AM SIMPLY THE BEST THERE IS.
34396	GT: Hehehe! Sure looks that way!
34397	GG: Screw it!
34398	GG: Ask him out.
34399	GG: Just kill the suspense already.
34400	GG: Become boyfriends and such.
34401	GG: Have some babies!!!
34402	GT: Whoa now!
34403	GT: Jane the decision to sire children with your best bro is not one to be taken lightly.
34404	GG: Okay I think I have to go.
34405	GG: I have this stupid game to play.
34406	TT: Here.
34407	GG: Get this shit out of my face.
34408	TT: But you need it.
34409	GG: Whatever.
34410	TT: Is something wrong?
34411	TT: What were you two talking about?
34412	GG: I don't want to talk about it, and if I did, I sure wouldn't want to talk about it with you!
34413	TT: Should I be offended, or apologetic right now?
34414	TT: Help me out.
34415	TT: You're talkin' to glasses here.
34416	GG: I just want to go to sleep and not wake up forever.
34417	TT: I think I'll just put this card over here on the desk.
34418	Found her.
34419	You just knew you hadn't finished the job.
34420	When it comes to children who ain't quite been offed yet, you've got sixth sense.
34421	Hang on. It's this guy. Gotta answer this. He better be bearing news of murdered youngsters.
34422	He says the deceased child count is still sitting at zero over here. You say WHAT? He says that's not all. You wait for him to spill the beans.
34423	He says one of the brats staged a little rebellion on the moon. Stuck the Brute's head on a pike for all to see. Real black eye for the kingdom and the Condesce. Press is going nuts with it. Wait. The Brute's dead, you say? He says yes. Dammit. He was one of your best agents. You never really cared for the guy but you admired his brutality. We all did sir, he says. This is getting personal you say. What's the status on these little shits. Where are they now?
34424	He says the Prince flew the coop. And the girl's gone... You say gone what. Rogue? After a little while he says AWOL. The guy doesn't really take a shining to puns and you can't say you blame him. You say you're just going to finish your business here and take the next shuttle to Derse, over and out.
34425	Why did you have to clone so many cats? Why did they all have to breed so much?
34426	Why do they all have to be so friendly???
34427	You trudge through the fluffy morass in the direction of the mysterious device known as the TRANSMATERIALIZER.
34428	Need to send this dead cat back to mom and get this show on the road.
34429	More noises echoing in the distance. Some of the meowcats get nervous and poof up their tails.
34430	It's pretty clear you aren't alone in here. Better make this quick.
34431	You never understood what the point of this thing was. It's old and damaged. Whatever is supposed to show up on the screens is blacked out, either due to the damage, or due to this voidey blackout bullshit that seems to follow you wherever you go.
34432	Here's the lab's funky appearifier which you used to clone all these cats. You use your other appearifier to make paradox slime from cats, gather and mix the slime in this machine, and crank out the mutant kitties. You can't use the cloning device's native appearifier to make cats, because the target is locked on to your mom. Most of the time the screen is blacked out, so you haven't been able to investigate her past carefully, much to your regret. Or her tragic death, for that matter. Right now the target is locked on to a time from her childhood.
34433	It's a good thing you stopped by. It's reminding you to collect a DNA sample for later, so you can jumpstart this tri generational lolonde family reonion that's apparently supposed to happen.
34434	Looks like, as expected, trying to appearify your mother as a kid from the past would have created a paradox, so her paradox slime is the result. But QUITE unexpectedly, bringing her scarf along for the ride seems to have created no conflict, and you swiped it right off her neck! Young mom probably has no idea what the hell just happened to her scarf. This is so exciting!
34435	You are SO gonna wear that thing, you don't care HOW mom-gooey it is.
34436	You stow the kidmomgoo in one of your captchalogue bottles.
34437	Wait...
34438	That was kind of a weird implementation of your modus. You're not even sure what happened there. Oh well, whatever. You guess you can go just... sort of...
34439	Pick it up?
34440	You go just sort of pick it up and that works fine. Now about that totes baller scarf.
34441	You can't be the rider because in this universe the pony is too small for some reason. Not that being the rider ever really made much sense in the first place. Anyway, the scarf looks great, and you made a great decision.
34442	This is probably the most perplexing device in the lab to you. It seems to be a sort of appearifier/sendificator hybrid. But it uses a massive amount of power, far more than the simpler appearifier uses. Sending Frigglish home should nearly deplete its entire fuel gauge. You have no idea what could possibly account for the extra power consumption. There are many other puzzling things about it. You don't know what the deal is with that frog up there. Or the strange cracked disc symbol, or the arrow which is locked firmly on the B1 side. It's all completely meaningless to you. The only things that make sense are the fuel gauge, the two big buttons, and the coordinate panels indicating where and when to target.
34443	But it looks like the panels have been damaged somehow since the last time you looked at it. If you changed them, there'd be no telling what you would change them to, so you might as well not bother and leave them on their previous setting. Which was pretty much your plan anyway.
34444	You bust open a bottle of dead cat on the pad and get a little teary eyed as you say one last goodbye.
34445	Oh, hello, GCat. Come to pay your respects, huh?
34446	The GCat unceremoniously washes a paw with his omnipotent green tongue. Nothing to say there buddy? No remorse at all?
34447	This is all his fault of course. Even though he probably didn't mean to get him killed. At least you think he didn't.
34448	D'aw who are you kidding. You can't stay mad at cats.
34449	Others gather around to bid farewell to their common ancestor. This is probably the closest he will ever come to receiving a proper funeral.
34450	A mutant kitten does the honors, intentionally or otherwise. Bon voyage, friend.
34451	And that was pretty much how all that happened.
34452	What do you think this is, Act 6 Intermission 2??
34453	That'll be happening pretty soon, don't worry. Let's all try to settle down here.
34454	That's that, you guess. Hey...
34455	Where did all the cats go? GCat, did you do something pointlessly mischievous again??
34456	Wait, there are a few hiding behind the equipment there. Looks like something has scared them all off...
34457	More clank noises behind you. You pretend not to notice...
34458	And slowly...
34459	Calmly...
34460	Reach for your...
34461	FREEZE MOTHERFUTHER!
34462	* MOCKERFUCKER!
34463	* SHIT!!!
34464	Sure are a lot of them today. They must be getting more desperate.
34465	You can't do it. They may be dangerous, but you know they're only looking for food.
34466	You have this awful feeling these guys sneak in here now and then to hunt for cats. Best not to think about it, really.
34467	Gotta figure out some other way to get out of this jam!
34468	Maybe he's in one of his arbitrarily helpful moods?
34469	What do you say there, friend? Little help?
34470	God dammit, GCat.
34471	You hoof it back to the window on the double. The famished ruffians are in hot pursuit!
34472	What the shit?
34473	COUNT SOM-E WOOLB-EASTS BITC)(
34474	This thing just appeared out of thin air. Did someone sendificate it to you? Or is it that damn cat again, up to his tricks?
34475	It looks like it's one of Roxy's. Maybe she knows what's up. You should probably ask her.
34476	She doesn't respond. Must be busy with something. Probably just goofing off and drinking up a storm as usual.
34477	Looks like it'll have to wait anyway. Someone's messaging you.
34478	uu: HELLO DIRK.
34479	uu: I WANT TO PLAY A GAME.
34480	TT: Oh mother fuck.
34481	uu: WHAT DO YOu SAY??
34482	uu: tumut
34483	TT: What game?
34484	uu: YOu KNOW WHAT GAME.
34485	uu: THE ONE WHERE I SAY. I'M GOING TO KILL ALL OF YOu SOME DAY.
34486	uu: AND THERE'S NOTHING YOu CAN DO ABOuT IT?
34487	uu: JuST SOME MORE MENACING SHIT LIKE THAT.
34488	uu: ALL JuST BuNDLED uP IN THE PRETENSE OF A LOT OF uSELESS FuCKING PuZZLES.
34489	TT: Oh, right.
34490	TT: That game.
34491	TT: And here I thought you were going to ask me to draw you more weird porn for some reason.
34492	uu: WELL. THE NIGHT IS STILL YOuNG. SO WHO KNOWS?
34493	uu: BuT NAH. I WAS JuST DROPPING BY AGAIN TO SAY HOW I'M GONNA KILL YOu. THAT'S ALL.
34494	uu: AND THIS IS JuST ASSuMING YOu DON'T ALL DIE BEFORE I GET THE CHANCE TO PuZZLEMuRDER YOu. ON ACCOuNT OF YOu BEING A BuNCH OF HIDEOuS FuCKuPS.
34495	uu: I MEAN LOOK AT THIS.
34496	uu: YOu ALREADY BLEW IT.
34497	TT: Blew what?
34498	uu: ON DERSE.
34499	uu: YOu uPSET THE ORDER. DIDN'T YOu.
34500	uu: YOu WENT AND PISSED OFF THE WITCH?
34501	uu: NOW THEY'RE GOING TO HuNT YOu DOWN DuDE!
34502	uu: THEY'RE PROBABLY ON THEIR WAY. TO KILL YOu RIGHT NOW.
34503	TT: I'm pretty well hidden on Derse. I doubt they'll find me until I'm ready to be found again.
34504	uu: NO. NOT ON DERSE. ON YOuR PLANET. EARTH??
34505	uu: YOu'RE PRETTY FuCKING EASY TO FIND THERE. DON'T YOu THINK?
34506	uu: OH YES. YOuR AGGRESSORS ARE COMING FOR YOu. I HAVE SEEN IT.
34507	uu: IN FACT. THEY ARE PROBABLY ALREADY HERE.
34508	TT: Yeah.
34509	TT: Well, I was expecting as much.
34510	TT: It's kind of why I was on my way to the roof just now.
34511	TT: Until I was interrupted by this window appearing, and then by you.
34512	TT: Maybe I should try plugging it in?
34513	uu: OH MY GOD. WHO CARES?
34514	uu: IT'S JuST SOME MORE POINTLESS TRASH FOR YOu TO OBSESS OVER, AND DISTRACT YOu FROM GETTING ANY ACTuAL RELEVANT SHIT DONE.
34515	uu: THE AMOuNT TIME YOu PEOPLE WASTE. IT IS FuCKING uNBELIEVABLE TO ME.
34516	uu: I READ ABOuT SOME OF THE THINGS YOu AND YOuR PREDECESSORS HAVE DONE. FAR MORE THAN I CARED TO. TRuST ME.
34517	uu: AND EVERY TIME. I'M ALWAYS JuST...
34518	uu: *GET THE FuCK ON WITH IT ALREADY.*
34519	TT: I didn't think you were much of a historian.
34520	uu: I'M NOT.
34521	uu: SHE SENDS ME SO MuCH BuLLSHIT ABOuT THIS. YOu DON'T EVEN KNOW.
34522	uu: SHE WANTS TO HEAR WHAT I HAVE TO SAY. LIKE EXCHANGE THEORIES AND SHIT. AND I HAVE TO JuST BE LIKE *BITCH I DON'T GOD DAMN CARE!!!*
34523	uu: EVERY TIME.
34524	uu: BuT IT DOESN'T MATTER. WHAT'S THE NEXT THING I INVARIABLY FIND ON MY TERMINAL?
34525	uu: ANOTHER GOD DAMN WALL OF TEXT.
34526	uu: ALL COLOR CODED AND FORMATTED FOR ME TO READ. AND EVERYTHING.
34527	uu: JuST WALLS AND WALLS. OF CANDY ASSED TOOTY FRuITY FuCKING SHIT. LOADS. OF. TEXT.
34528	uu: OF PEOPLE BABBLING MOSTLY.
34529	uu: WE ARE TALKING ABOuT MIGRAINE INDuCING DIARRHETIC VERTICAL SuICIDE DROPS OF uGLY FuCKING WORDS.
34530	uu: IMPENETRABLY ASININE RAINBOW FREEFALLS OF FRIVOLOuS BANTER. GOT IT?
34531	uu: SO I SAY. WHAT IS THIS? I TOLD YOu IF YOu SENT ME ANY MORE FAN FICTION I WOuLD FLY TO PROSPIT AND MuRDER YOu IN YOuR SLEEP. WHICH I STILL MIGHT DO *REGARDLESS*. BuT ANYWAY.
34532	uu: SHE SAYS THESE ARE ACTuAL ANCIENT TRANSCRIPTS!
34533	uu: I'M LIKE. WELL FuCK.
34534	uu: HOW CAN THESE PEOPLE TALK SO MuCH.
34535	uu: I FEEL LIKE I'M PICKING uP SOME BAD HABITS FROM YOu WINDBAGGING PISSFACES.
34536	uu: LOOK AT THIS. I WASN'T EVEN GONNA GO OFF LIKE THIS.
34537	uu: THIS WAS SuPPOSED TO BE JuST. AN IN AND OuT FuCK YOu.
34538	uu: I'M SO DONE HERE.
34539	uu: ANYWAY. LATER. YOu HORSEPORKING TWIT.
34540	TT: Wait.
34541	TT: Just one thing before you go.
34542	TT: Your sister was saying you were having some doubts about playing.
34543	TT: Is that true?
34544	uu: SHE'S NOT MY SISTER.
34545	uu: WE DON'T GOT SISTERS. IT'S NOT A THING. DON'T DRAG uS THROuGH YOuR NASTY HuMAN FAMILIAL MuD.
34546	uu: OF COuRSE I'M GOING TO PLAY. I WAS JuST SAYING I WOuLDN'T. YOu KNOW. TO FuCK WITH HER AND MAKE HER CRY.
34547	uu: LIKE I HAVE A CHOICE. BuT TO PLAY.
34548	uu: HOW ELSE AM I GOING TO GET OFF THIS DESOLATE ROCK?
34549	uu: YOu THINK I WANT TO STAY HERE? JuST HANG AROuND. TIL I JOIN THE HuNDRED BILLION CORPSES FERTILIZING THE SOIL?
34550	TT: I see.
34551	TT: No, didn't think so. I was just curious.
34552	uu: HuMAN CuRIOSITY IS CONTEMPTIBLE. SHE SHARES THAT WITH YOu. AND I CAN'T FuCKING STAND IT.
34553	TT: Gotcha.
34554	TT: You sure seem to hate us, but I notice it doesn't stop you from talking to us frequently. Or at least to me.
34555	TT: Surely there must be at least one of our virtues you admire.
34556	uu: YES. AMBITION. THAT'S THE ONLY GOOD ONE.
34557	uu: AND I THINK YOu GOT THAT. WHICH IS MAYBE WHY. YOu'RE THE ONLY ONE I CAN PuT uP WITH FOR ANY DuRATION?
34558	uu: LET'S CALL IT A GRuDGING RESPECT. WHICH IS THE ONLY KIND THAT'S EVEN WORTH A FuCK.
34559	TT: I'll take that as a rare overture of friendship.
34560	uu: NO. DON'T.
34561	TT: So, do you even know how this is going to work?
34562	uu: WHAT.
34563	TT: Your session. Can you even really have a session with only two players?
34564	uu: SHE SAYS YOu CAN. AND SHE LIKES TO THINK SHE'S THE EXPERT.
34565	uu: PERSONALLY? I DON'T CARE.
34566	uu: MAYBE IT'S AGAINST THE RuLES. WHAT WE'RE DOING.
34567	uu: I JuST WANT TO GET IN THERE. AND JuST.
34568	uu: FuCK.
34569	uu: SHIT.
34570	uu: uP.
34571	TT: Yeah.
34572	TT: I sensed that was your plan.
34573	TT: Which is kind of what I'm talking about. How can you win like that?
34574	TT: I thought the point was to cooperate with your coplayers to achieve an objective.
34575	TT: Not compete with them or try to kill them. I don't think we've had one conversation where you didn't express the desire to kill her.
34576	uu: I GuESS WE'LL JuST HAVE TO SEE. WON'T WE?
34577	uu: I THINK THIS IS PROBABLY A DIFFERENT KIND OF SESSION.
34578	uu: ONE WHERE THE PLAYERS FIGHT FOR SuPREMACY. RATHER THAN WORK TOGETHER.
34579	uu: I THINK THAT IT MuST BE THAT WAY.
34580	uu: BECAuSE THAT IS HOW I WANT IT TO BE.
34581	uu: AND IF I WANT SOMETHING TO BE TRuE HARD ENOuGH. THEN THAT MAKES IT SLIGHTLY MORE ABSOLuTELY IRREFuTABLE.
34582	uu: ARE YOu FEELING ME, FuCKER?
34583	TT: Maybe you're right.
34584	TT: But since that's how you feel now, maybe the truth is that the game is challenging you to overcome those feelings?
34585	TT: What if your real quest is to put aside your differences and work together, if you want to both survive, and grow as a person?
34586	uu: NO.
34587	uu: NO. NO. NO.
34588	uu: FuCK THAT SHIT.
34589	uu: HuMAN FuCK THAT SHIT. NOT EVEN ALIEN FuCK THAT SHIT. SO YOu CAN uNDERSTAND BETTER. THE KIND OF FuCKING OF THE SHIT THAT'S GOING ON.
34590	uu: HuMAN FuCK IT SO MuCH. SO HARD, AND SO ANGRILY.
34591	TT: Yeah, I didn't think you'd dig that idea.
34592	TT: Just puttin' it out there.
34593	uu: HOW ABOuT YOu SHuT uP? AND GET ON THE ROOF. AND TAKE YOuR FuCKING PuNISHMENT.
34594	uu: NOW WHERE THE HELL IS YOuR GHASTLY JuJu.
34595	uu: GO GET IT. AND HuRRY uP.
34596	TT: My juju?
34597	uu: THE LOATHSOME FALSE PERSON. WITH THE FLOPPY LIMBS. IN DERSITE ATTIRE. YOu LIKE TO NAP WITH.
34598	TT: Oh, Lil Cal? No, man.
34599	TT: Lil Cal is the shit.
34600	uu: THAT THING IS NOT THE SHIT.
34601	uu: IT IS AN uNCANNY GRINNING MOCKERY. A BAD OMEN. YOu SHOuLD CHOP IT uP AND BuRN IT.
34602	TT: No way, dude. He's my best friend.
34603	uu: HOW FuCKING SAD IS THAT??
34604	uu: I'M JuST TRYING. FOR ONCE. AND THE ONLY TIME EVER. TO BE HELPFuL.
34605	uu: THOSE THINGS.
34606	uu: YOu DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THEY ARE.
34607	TT: A kickass ventriloquist doll?
34608	TT: I've been given reason to believe it once belonged to my bro.
34609	uu: I DON'T GIVE A SHIT. WHAT YOu BELIEVE.
34610	uu: THERE'S ONLY ONE REASON FOR THOSE TO EXIST.
34611	uu: IT IS TO TuRN THE LIFE OF EVERYONE WHO OCCuPIES THE SAME uNIVERSE WITH IT.
34612	uu: INTO A NIGHTMARE.
34613	TT: Is that one of your alien folk stories?
34614	uu: YES.
34615	uu: BuT IT ALSO.
34616	uu: IS TRuE.
34617	uu: GET RID OF IT.
34618	TT: You could argue that my life is already kind of a nightmare, so there's no point in getting rid of him now.
34619	TT: Either way, I'm gonna hang on to him.
34620	uu: YOu STuBBORN FuCK.
34621	uu: FINE.
34622	uu: MAYBE IT DOESN'T MATTER.
34623	uu: MAYBE YOuRS IS uNTAINTED? I DON'T KNOW.
34624	uu: COuLD BE. ITS EYES LOOK...
34625	uu: DEAD TO ME?
34626	uu: MAYBE YOu LuCKED THE FuCK OuT. WITH YOuR PARTICuLAR JuJu.
34627	TT: I honestly had no idea you were this superstitious.
34628	TT: You're a pretty fascinating guy, in a way. I can't really figure you out.
34629	TT: In case you're wondering why I put up with you more than my friends do.
34630	uu: I WASN'T.
34631	uu: NOW ARE YOu GOING TO GO GET IT.
34632	uu: OR WHAT.
34633	TT: Why do you want me to get Cal so bad?
34634	uu: I DON'T!
34635	uu: JuST THAT. I SAW YOu. SLIGHTLY AHEAD OF NOW.
34636	uu: CLIMBING TO THE ROOF WITH THAT THING.
34637	uu: SO APPARENTLY. IT'S REQuISITE FOR GETTING THE FuCK ON WITH STuFF??
34638	uu: DuMBASS.
34639	TT: Ok. So, some self-fulfilling shit, then. I was hoping for a better reason.
34640	uu: WHATEVER. DON'T TAKE IT.
34641	uu: MAKE A PARADOX HAPPEN. WORKS FOR FuCKING ME.
34642	TT: At this point I'm leaning toward grabbing him just cause he seems to bother you so much.
34643	uu: WELL. I'VE HEARD OF WORSE REASONS FOR ACTING LIKE A STuPID PIECE OF SHIT.
34644	TT: This is probably a dumb question, but you don't really care about "causal spoilers," do you?
34645	uu: YES. THAT'S uNBELIEVABLY DuMB TO ASK.
34646	TT: Like, you don't mind telling me I'm about to pick up Cal, and thus causing that to happen.
34647	TT: So I guess you similarly wouldn't mind telling us about more significant outcomes?
34648	uu: IT'S NOT THAT I DON'T MIND. IT'S THAT I FAIL SPECTACuLARLY TO GIVE A SHIT.
34649	uu: THERE IS SuCH A BIG DIFFERENCE.
34650	uu: AND THE FACT THAT I MIGHT NOT CLuE YOu INTO YOuR FATE ALL THE TIME.
34651	uu: DuE TO MY AGGRAVATED APATHY OVER THE MATTER.
34652	uu: IS AN IMMuTABLE FACT. I AM STATING FOR THE RECORD.
34653	uu: IT DOES NOT MEAN THAT GIVING A SHIT IS WHAT IS TAKING PLACE HERE.
34654	TT: I feel like you've said something like that before.
34655	TT: Different statements, but in that exact syntax.
34656	uu: OH. YOu KNOW WHAT ELSE I HATE?
34657	uu: WHEN THAT FuCKING HAPPENS.
34658	TT: Wait. You mean it wasn't intentional?
34659	TT: I thought it was kind of like... this thing you were doing.
34660	uu: SHuT uP.
34661	uu: YOu KNOW WHAT?
34662	uu: I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN. AND I DON'T CARE.
34663	uu: I THINK IT'S REGRETTABLY LIKELY. THAT YOu SuCCEED.
34664	uu: I THINK THAT'S WHAT PEOPLE TEND TO DO. WHEN THEY ARE REGARDED AS LEGENDS BY OBSESSIVE ASSHOLES.
34665	uu: SO MAYBE YOu ALL DIE. OR MAYBE YOu DON'T.
34666	uu: BuT IF YOu DON'T. I'LL TAKE SOLACE IN THE FACT.
34667	uu: THAT IT MEANS I STILL GET THE CHANCE TO KILL YOu.
34668	uu: HOW ABOuT THAT? FOR CAuSAL SPOILERS?
34669	TT: Fair enough.
34670	TT: Hey, you know...
34671	TT: For someone who has such strong opinions about long winded people,
34672	TT: You've kinda been talking my ear off. I do actually have shit to do.
34673	uu: uGH.
34674	uu: YEAH.
34675	uu: SEE HOW YOu PEOPLE SuCK ME INTO YOuR BuLLSHIT?
34676	uu: I SHOuLD HAVE KEPT IT BRIEF. AND SuRLY. LIKE I WAS GOING TO.
34677	uu: LIKE JuST SAID.
34678	uu: "HELLO DIRK."
34679	uu: "I WANT TO PLAY A GAME."
34680	uu: AND THEN LIKE.
34681	uu: "BRO."
34682	uu: "ROOF. NOW."
34683	uu: "BRING JuJu."
34684	uu: AND THAT'S IT.
34685	uu: YEAH. THAT WOuLD HAVE BEEN GOOD.
34686	uu: COLD FuCKING BLOODED. TO THE POINT. DAMMIT.
34687	TT: That actually sounds familiar too.
34688	TT: Are you sure you haven't said something like that before?
34689	uu: HAVE I?
34690	uu: FuCK. I DON'T KNOW. WHATEVER.
34691	TT: Anyway, let's wrap this up.
34692	TT: You've stolen enough of my time. I didn't even get a chance to try plugging in that window.
34693	uu: I DID YOu A FAVOR. ANOTHER POINTLESS ACTION STRICKEN FROM THE TIMELINE.
34694	TT: Hang on.
34695	TT: Something's happening.
34696	uu: THE DRONES HAVE COME A KNOCKING. I TOLD YOu.
34697	uu: THEY'RE COMING FOR YOu MAN! HAHAHA.
34698	uu: LATER DOuCHE.
34699	uu: TUMUT
34700	TT: I think...
34701	TT: You just had a flipoff malfunction, there.
34702	uu: SHIT.
34703	uu: uH.
34704	uu: tUMUt!
34705	TT: That's better.
34706	Oh, right. These guys.
34707	Not out of the frying pan yet!!!
34708	Everybody out of the god damn way. You got a lab full of cats, a skirt full of scamper, and a head full of vodka.
34709	PHWEW.
34710	For the time being, it seems you are safe from punky looking fish aliens and cat hungry chess bandits. But now what?
34711	You have no idea what you're looking at here. What are you supposed to do with THIS?
34712	Oh well, might as well get started. It's not like there's anything left to do besides embarrass yourself over Pesterchum some more. You've already done enough of that today to last a lifetime.
34713	END OF ACT 6 ACT 2.
34714	Hold still, Slick.
34715	God dammit. Will you quit fidgeting and drink your milk?
34716	It's warm and nutritious. Fresh from the butler's teat. You JUST watched me milk it.
34717	Oh for fuck's sake. You are impossible.
34718	MS. PAINT!!!
34719	Is that soup ready yet? He's being a dick.
34720	Also can you bring some gauze? He stabbed me again.
34721	It was one of his more tentative stabbings though... I think maybe he meant it as sort of a thank you?
34722	Nope. Wait. He just stabbed me again. I don't think that one was a thankstab. It was more like just a regular stab.
34723	I probably should have confiscated his knife before I gave him these super fast robot arms. My god he is frisky with those things.
34724	Hey put that down. I said settle your ass down. Where's the gratitude, Slick? I am waiting on you hand and foot here. Where do you think you are, Butler Island? You know what? FUCK Butler Island. You just died and went to Butler fucking Heaven. I see that knife. Yeah, that one. You're not fooling anyone.
34725	If you don't calm down, I'm going to repair your other eye. You know, the one you refused to let me fix, because you thought the eye patch looked cool? I'll do it!
34726	Ms. Paint, what is taking so long with that soup?! This is a man in sore need of his scottie dogs if I ever saw one.
34727	MS. PAINT ARE YOU LISTENING??????
34728	CURRENT carcinoGeneticist [CCG] RIGHT NOW opened memo on board FRUITY RUMPUS ASSHOLE FACTORY, BORING ROAD TRIP THROUGH THE FUCKING AFTERLIFE EDITION.
34729	CCG: I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M ACTUALLY DOING THIS MEMO BULLSHIT AGAIN.
34730	CCG: I GUESS I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO.
34731	CCG: I JUST NEED TO AIR OUT SOME SHIT WITH SOMEBODY, AND EVERYONE HERE HAS THEIR HEADS SO FAR UP THEIR NOOKS I WANT TO SCREAM LOUDER THAN I USUALLY DO.
34732	CCG: THEIR TROLL NOOKS *AND* HUMAN NOOKS, WHATEVER THE HELL A HUMAN NOOK EVEN *IS*.
34733	CCG: YOU KNOW?
34734	CCG: HEY, ARE YOU THERE?
34735	FUTURE carcinoGeneticist [FCG] 10 MINUTES FROM NOW responded to memo.
34736	FCG: FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK.
34737	CCG: OH...
34738	CCG: HEY
34739	FCG: I CAN'T
34740	FCG: I JUST CANNOT
34741	FCG: *FUCKING*
34742	FCG: ***BELIEVE***
34743	FCG: I HAVE TO GO THROUGH ALL THIS BULLSHIT AGAIN WITH YOU/ME.
34744	FCG: WHAT THE FUCK MADE ME THINK THIS WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA???
34745	CCG: DUDE, WHAT'S WITH THE TEXT?
34746	FCG: UUUUUGH.
34747	FCG: WHY DON'T YOU TELL ME!
34748	FCG: I JUST HAVE THIS INCREDIBLE PREMONITION YOU'RE ABOUT TO ANYWAY.
34749	CCG: WHY THE FUCK WOULD I KNOW WHY YOU CHANGED YOUR TEXT RED!
34750	CCG: WE DON'T DO THAT. THE SHOWY, SELF-ABSORBED "PAINT YOUR TEXT IN YOUR BLOOD COLOR" THING. OR EYE COLOR, OR WHATEVER.
34751	CCG: IT'S FOR ATTENTION-GREEDY, INSECURE LOSERS.
34752	FCG: SURE IS!
34753	CCG: HMM.
34754	FCG: ?????? <- SARCASTIC WONDER.
34755	CCG: I'M JUST THINKING
34756	CCG: THIS REALLY MAKES OUR CONVERSATIONS EASIER TO READ.
34757	CCG: REMEMBER THOSE INSANE BLOCKS OF GRAY ANGRY TEXT WE USED TO WRITE TOGETHER.
34758	CCG: WHAT WAS THAT
34759	CCG: LIKE HALF A SWEEP AGO ALREADY?
34760	CCG: IS IT WEIRD THAT I'M ACTUALLY LOOKING BACK ON ALL THAT INSANITY WITH A CERTAIN AMOUNT OF FONDNESS?
34761	CCG: AT LEAST SHIT WAS HAPPENING.
34762	CCG: IT'S SO BORING OUT HERE. AND LIVING WITH THE HUMANS IS JUST GETTING KIND OF
34763	CCG: WEIRD.
34764	CCG: ANYWAY, THIS IS ACTUALLY A LOT MORE DECIPHERABLE. MAYBE YOU'RE ON TO SOMETHING.
34765	FCG: WELL HEY, CHECK IT OUT: SHIT JUST GOT NOSTALGIC.
34766	FCG: LOOK AT THAT, I'M FEELING MORE SENTIMENTAL ABOUT THIS MORONIC CONVERSATION ALREADY.
34767	CCG: OK, WHY DO YOU HAVE TO GO FROM ZERO TO DOUCHE LIKE IN THE BLINK OF A FUCKING GLANCE NUGGET.
34768	FCG: THE BLINK OF A GLANCE NUGGET?? I'VE BEEN AT THIS FOR TEN MINUTES ALREADY. AND COUNTING!
34769	CCG: I JUST THINK YOU MIGHT HAVE BEEN ON TO SOMETHING WITH THE RED TEXT. I WAS TRYING TO PAY YOU A COMPLIMENT YOU ANTAGONIZING FUCK.
34770	CCG: I MEAN, WE ONLY EVER GOT IN THE HABIT OF TYPING IN GRAY TO HIDE OUR BLOOD COLOR, RIGHT?
34771	CCG: AND LIKE, 1) EVERYBODY KNOWS IT NOW, IT WAS THE WORST KEPT FUCKING SECRET EVER, AND 2) EVEN IF THEY DIDN'T, IT'S JUST US HERE, AND OBVIOUSLY WE'VE BOTH ALREADY KNOWN IT ALL OUR LIVES
34772	CCG: UNLESS WE'RE BOTH SO NEUROTIC WE ACTUALLY STILL WANT TO ACT LIKE ITS A SECRET WE'RE KEEPING FROM EACH OTHER...
34773	CCG: BUT I'D LIKE TO THINK THE DAYS OF THAT ASTOUNDING DEGREE OF MENTAL ILLNESS ARE BEHIND US!
34774	FCG: (I WANT TO KILL MYSELF, BUT I CAN'T UNTIL THE CONVERSATION RUNS ITS COURSE. THIS IS THE WORST HELL IMAGINABLE.)
34775	CCG: SHUT THE FUCK UP. THAT'S THE EXACT KIND OF MELODRAMA I'M TALKING ABOUT, WE'RE BETTER THAN THAT NOW MAN.
34776	CCG: I'M GONNA DO THE *MATURE* THING HERE: AND SWITCH MY TEXT TO RED.
34777	CCG: THERE. I THINK THIS SHOULD BE THE UNIVERSAL CONVENTION FOR WHEN TWO OF THE SAME PEOPLE ARE TALKING TO EACH OTHER.
34778	CCG: ONE GUY BITES THE BULLET AND TALKS IN RED.
34779	CCG: SERIOUSLY, ONE OF US HAS TO BE THE GROWN UP HERE.
34780	FCG: OH! I GET IT NOW.
34781	FCG: WHEN I TYPE IN RED, IT'S SHOWY AND INSECURE, BUT WHEN YOU DO IT, YOU ARE SHOULDERING THE PRAGMATIC BURDEN OF A MARTYR, EVEN THOUGH IT WAS *MY* FUCKING IDEA TO DO THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE TEN MINUTES AGO!
34782	FCG: YOU PIECE OF SHIT.
34783	CCG: OK!!! GOD DAMMIT, STOP BEING SO SENSITIVE. I FUCKING APOLOGIZE.
34784	FCG: CAN YOU JUST TALK ABOUT YOUR STUPID FEELINGS ALREADY SO WE CAN GET THIS NIGHTMARE OVER WITH.
34785	CCG: WELL LOOK, IT WASN'T SUPPOSED TO BE THIS LOPSIDED THING WHERE I SPILL ALL MY FEELINGS INTO IDIOTSPACE WHILE SOME SHIT HEAD YELLS AT ME.
34786	CCG: I WAS KIND OF THINKING THERE WOULD BE SOME GIVE AND TAKE, SINCE YOU PRESUMABLY SHARE A LOT OF MY THOUGHTS??
34787	FCG: OK WHATEVER. JUST SAY SOME STUFF ALREADY. ALL THAT SHIT I SAID TEN MINUTES AGO.
34788	FCG: I WILL "RIFF" WITH YOU AND SOMEHOW PRETEND IT DOESN'T FEEL LIKE I'M REHASHING A BUNCH OF LINES WRITTEN IN BARELY DRIED INK!!!
34789	CCG: OK
34790	CCG: WELL
34791	CCG: I'M HAVING A HARD TIME EVEN PUTTING MY THOUGHTS INTO WORDS ABOUT THIS BIZARRE TREK THROUGH THE RING.
34792	CCG: AT FIRST IT WAS JUST BLAND AND UNEVENTFUL. BUT THAT WAS KIND OF A RELIEF, REMEMBER?
34793	CCG: NOT HAVING TO WORRY ABOUT GETTING KILLED ALL THE TIME, OR TRYING TO RALLY A BUNCH OF UNCOOPERATIVE TROOPS TOWARD AN IMPOSSIBLE OBJECTIVE.
34794	FCG: YEAH.
34795	CCG: BUT THEN
34796	CCG: AS IF IT WASN'T ENOUGH THAT SOMETIMES WE VISIT THESE CRAZY DREAM BUBBLES WHEN WE GO TO SLEEP...
34797	CCG: WE STARTED PHYSICALLY PASSING THROUGH THEM TOO.
34798	CCG: LIKE I THINK I COULD HANDLE IT BETTER IF IT WAS JUST ONE THING OR THE OTHER.
34799	CCG: LIKE *ONLY* THE MONOTONOUS DAY TO DAY DRUDGERY ON THE SAME GLOOMY FUCKING METEOR WITH THE SAME BUNCH OF RIDICULOUS PEOPLE, AND BASICALLY NOTHING TO DO EVER EXCEPT GET ALL UP IN EACH OTHER'S BUSINESS.
34800	CCG: OR *ONLY* A SWEEPS LONG SAFARI THROUGH AN EPHEMERAL REALM OF GHOST MEMORIES AND DEAD FRIENDS SHITTING AROUND IN A HAPHAZARD EXISTENTIAL CLUSTERFUCK.
34801	CCG: BUT HAVING TO DEAL WITH BOTH, IN TOTALLY RANDOM INTERVALS?
34802	CCG: IT'S KIND OF TAKING ITS TOLL.
34803	FCG: "I HEAR YOU MAN."
34804	FCG: THAT WAS WHEN I WAS SUPPOSED TO SAY THAT.
34805	FCG: BUT FOR THE RECORD, I GUESS I MEANT IT.
34806	CCG: YEAH.
34807	CCG: I MEAN, DON'T GET ME WRONG.
34808	CCG: I MISS ALL OF MY DEAD FRIENDS A LOT.
34809	CCG: EVEN THE ASSHOLES! I MISS THEM TOO. MAYBE EVEN ESPECIALLY THEM, IN SOME PERVERSE WAY.
34810	CCG: AND I SHOULD BE RELIEVED THAT THEY ALL SEEM TO BE HAPPY IN SOME WAY, EVEN IF IT'S BY FLOATING NEBULOUSLY THROUGH DREAM PROJECTIONS WITH THEIR FREAKY BLANK EYES.
34811	CCG: AND I GUESS I AM RELIEVED ABOUT THAT.
34812	CCG: BUT AT THE SAME TIME IT'S LEFT ME UNSETTLED.
34813	CCG: FOR REASONS I CAN'T REALLY PUT MY FINGER ON.
34814	FCG: I KNOW WHY.
34815	CCG: YOU DO?
34816	FCG: YEAH.
34817	CCG: WELL OF COURSE YOU DO.
34818	CCG: I GUESS BECAUSE I JUST TOLD YOU TEN MINUTES AGO, MAKING IT LIKE A SELF-FULFILLING EPIPHANY??
34819	FCG: WELL THERE'S THAT
34820	FCG: BUT ALSO THIS CONVERSATION HELPED CLARIFY SOME THOUGHTS TOO, IN SPITE OF ITS EXCRUCIATING POINTLESSNESS.
34821	FCG: PART OF WHAT'S BOTHERING YOU ABOUT THIS IS WHAT IT MEANS ABOUT MORTALITY.
34822	CCG: YEAH
34823	CCG: I THINK THAT'S PART OF IT.
34824	CCG: AFTER VISITING WHO KNOWS HOW MANY DREAM BUBBLES
34825	CCG: AND HANGING OUT WITH WHO KNOWS HOW MANY DEAD FRIENDS, AND *COPIES* OF DEAD FRIENDS FROM ALTERNATE TIMELINES...
34826	CCG: I START TO WONDER, DOES DEATH EVEN REALLY MEAN ANYTHING?
34827	CCG: DID LIFE MEAN ANYTHING, FOR THAT MATTER??
34828	CCG: WAS THE POINT OF LIFE TO JUST GO AROUND COLLECTING A BUNCH OF PAINFUL AND AWKWARD EXPERIENCES TO SUPPLY MATERIAL FOR THE REVOLVING MEMORY-COLLAGE THAT SERVES AS THE BACKDROP TO A MUCH LONGER, EMPTIER STRETCH OF EXISTENCE?
34829	CCG: AND HOW UNNERVING IS IT RUNNING INTO OUR DEAD DOPPELGANGERS FROM DOOMED TIMELINES?
34830	FCG: HEY, YOU'RE PREACHING TO THE CHOIR, BRO.
34831	CCG: IT'S FUCKED UP.
34832	CCG: NEVER MIND WHAT IT MEANS ABOUT A PERSON'S IDENTITY OR SENSE OF SELF, OR WHICH GUY GETS TO BE CONSIDERED "THE REAL GUY" OR PHILOSOPHICAL BULLSHIT LIKE THAT.
34833	CCG: JUST ON THE LEVEL OF WHAT YOUR DECISIONS AND ACTIONS DURING YOUR LIFE ACTUALLY MEAN.
34834	CCG: SOMETIMES WE RUN INTO THESE VERSIONS OF OURSELVES WHO REACHED GOD TIER FOR FUCK'S SAKE.
34835	CCG: BUT IN SPITE OF BEING *MORE* SUCCESSFUL THAN WE WERE, BY THAT PARTICULAR OBJECTIVE MEASURE
34836	CCG: THEY GET PUNISHED FOR THAT, BECAUSE IT WASN'T "THE THING THAT NEEDED TO HAPPEN"??
34837	FCG: PRETTY MUCH.
34838	CCG: SO WHERE DOES THAT LEAVE US?
34839	CCG: IF WE ARE TO TAKE SOME LESSON FROM THAT, WHAT IS IT!
34840	CCG: "TRY TO BE GREAT AND SUCCESSFUL, BUT MAYBE NOT TOOOO GREAT AND SUCCESSFUL?"
34841	CCG: OR MAYBE DON'T TRY AT ALL IN SOME CASES! BECAUSE IF YOU DO, SOME GIANT FUCKING SQUID IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE IS GOING TO BE LIKE, NOT SO FAST, MY HIDEOUS MONSTER PLANS BEG TO DIFFER.
34842	CCG: DON'T YOU THINK WE'D HAVE BEEN BETTER OFF IF WE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW ABOUT ANY OF THIS DREAM BUBBLE SHIT?
34843	FCG: WELL.
34844	FCG: YEAH.
34845	FCG: THAT'S WHAT I WAS THINKING TEN MINUTES AGO.
34846	FCG: BUT NOW I DON'T EVEN KNOW.
34847	CCG: YEAH, WELL AT LEAST YOU'RE LISTENING. EVEN IF YOU WERE BEING YOUR USUAL SHITTY SELF ABOUT IT.
34848	CCG: NOBODY ELSE EVEN GETS THIS, THEY DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT.
34849	CCG: LIKE TEREZI?
34850	CCG: IT USED TO BE THAT SHE WOULD AT LEAST HUMOR EVEN MY MOST LUDICROUS, VITRIOLIC GARBAGE ALL THE TIME.
34851	CCG: REMEMBER THOSE DAYS?
34852	CCG: WAY BACK BEFORE WE EVEN KNEW WHAT A HUMAN WAS.
34853	CCG: BACK ON ALTERNIA WHEN MY BIGGEST FEAR WAS IF PEOPLE FOUND OUT I WAS A MUTANT. HOW QUAINT CAN YOU FUCKING GET?
34854	CCG: I WAS AN IDIOT NOT TO UNDERSTAND HOW GOOD THINGS WERE BACK THEN.
34855	CCG: BETWEEN US.
34856	CCG: NOW IT'S LIKE...
34857	FCG: SDJS;ALSKJFSA;JK
34858	CCG: WHAT?
34859	FCG: THIS PART OF THE CONVERSATION.
34860	CCG: OH GET OVER YOURSELF, OUR TEN MINUTES IS ALMOST UP.
34861	CCG: I WOULD JUST LIKE TO KNOW.
34862	CCG: IS SHE PUNISHING ME FOR SOMETHING?
34863	CCG: I DON'T NEED TO REMIND YOU HOW MUCH TIME SHE SPENDS GALLIVANTING AROUND THE METEOR WITH YOU KNOW WHO.
34864	FCG: NO YOU SURE AS FUCK DO NOT.
34865	CCG: AFTER ALL THIS TIME I *STILL* CAN'T TELL IF SHE'S SERIOUS ABOUT THAT, OR DOING IT TO FUCK WITH ME.
34866	CCG: WHAT DO YOU THINK? IS THERE SOMETHING LEGITIMATELY RED GOING ON THERE?
34867	CCG: HOW CAN I COMMAND SUCH ABSOLUTE MASTERY OVER THE ROMANTIC SCIENCES YET REMAIN PERPLEXED BY THIS???
34868	CCG: MAYBE I CAN'T GET A READ BECAUSE HE'S NOT A TROLL, AND THEREFORE HAS NO IDEA WHAT THE FUCK HE'S DOING?
34869	CCG: IT'S LIKE TRYING TO DECIPHER AN INTRICATE COURTSHIP PROCESS BETWEEN AN ATTRACTIVE POTENTIAL MATESPRIT, AND SOME SORT OF VEGETABLE.
34870	CCG: LIKE IT DOESN'T COMPUTE.
34871	FCG: FUCK, THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING LISTENING TO THIS, MAKE IT STOP.
34872	CCG: QUIET, I'M TALKING.
34873	CCG: I JUST FEEL LIKE MAYBE I'M PAST THE POINT OF NO RETURN WITH HER.
34874	CCG: WHERE BEFORE THERE WAS MARGIN FOR ERROR, PROBABLY WAY MORE THAN I EVER DESERVED.
34875	CCG: AND NOW THAT'S IT. SHE'S TOTALLY HAD IT, AND THERE'S A NEW DUDE WITH CANDYBLOOD IN TOWN.
34876	CCG: HE'S JUST GOT IT ALL, DOESN'T HE? HE'S A MUCH BETTER ARTIST THAN I AM, FOR ONE THING.
34877	CCG: AND HIS HORNS ARE SO NUBBY, THEY DON'T EVEN EXIST! TALK ABOUT HITTING THE JACKPOT.
34878	CCG: AM I OFF BASE??
34879	FCG: WE JUST WENT OVER THIS.
34880	FCG: I DIDN'T GET IT THEN BECAUSE I WAS TOO BUSY WHINING AND FEELING SORRY FOR MYSELF LIKE YOU'RE DOING NOW SO PIPE DOWN AND LISTEN.
34881	FCG: YOU'VE BEEN SENDING HER AN ENDLESS STREAM OF MIXED SIGNALS FOR AS LONG AS YOU'VE KNOWN HER.
34882	CCG: OH BULLSHIT.
34883	FCG: LIKE FUCK IT'S BULLSHIT.
34884	FCG: IT'S ALL TOO CLEAR TO ME NOW. IT'S A CLASSIC CASE OF QUADRANT VACILLATION, AND YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW IT.
34885	FCG: NO WONDER SHE WAS FRUSTRATED AND GOT FED UP WITH YOU.
34886	CCG: THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS.
34887	FCG: IS IT?? TELL ME, HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU TREATED HER IN A WAY THAT COULD BE OBJECTIVELY CONSTRUED AS A FORM OF BLACK SOLICITATION?
34888	CCG: THAT'S JUST
34889	CCG: NO, THAT'S HOW WE'VE ALWAYS ROLLED TOGETHER. IT'S LIKE
34890	CCG: SPIRITED PLATONIC CONTENTION.
34891	CCG: TOTALLY NORMAL TERRITORY IN A HEALTHY MATESPRITSHIP.
34892	FCG: YEAH, A *HEALTHY* ONE, NOT ONE INVOLVING A DEMENTED LOUDMOUTH WHO CAN'T KEEP HIS SHIT UNDER CONTROL.
34893	FCG: LET ME ASK YOU, HOW MUCH OF THAT ANIMOSITY IS INNOCENT "PLATONIC RAGE"?
34894	FCG: COULD IT BE THAT SUBCONSCIOUSLY YOU WANT TO PUSH THINGS WITH HER ONTO CALIGINOUS TURF, MAYBE SEE HOW THINGS WORK OUT THERE?
34895	FCG: SEE IF YOU CAN HAVE YOUR GRUB, AND CULL IT TOO??
34896	FCG: THAT WAY YOU HAVE HER ALL TO YOURSELF!
34897	CCG: FUCK YOU.
34898	FCG: YOU WANT HER IN EVERY QUADRANT LIKE A DESPERATE FOOL.
34899	FCG: DO YOU REALIZE WHAT YOU'VE BECOME? YOU ARE THE SAD JOKE CHARACTER IN THE ROMCOM, YOU KNOW THE GUY I'M TALKING ABOUT.
34900	FCG: WHO'S GREEDY AND INDISCRIMINATE ABOUT FILLING EVERY QUADRANT, TOTALLY OBLIVIOUS TO IT, AND IN THE END HAS FUCKALL TO SHOW FOR IT.
34901	CCG: I DON'T HAVE TO PUT UP WITH THIS.
34902	FCG: YOU KIND OF DO, FOR AT LEAST ANOTHER TEN MINUTES.
34903	CCG: NO, FUCK THAT, I'M SO DONE WITH YOU.
34904	FCG: YEAH, YOU PRETTY MUCH ARE, BECAUSE THE TEN MINUTES ARE ABOUT UP, AND I'LL BE GONE.
34905	FCG: THEN IT'LL JUST BE YOU AND THE OTHER GUY, SPINNING YOUR GLOBES TOGETHER LIKE A COUPLE STUPID PIECES OF SHIT, AD INFINITUM.
34906	CCG: MAN, I MUST HAVE BEEN INSANE TO THINK ANYTHING IS DIFFERENT.
34907	CCG: YOU HAVEN'T CHANGED AT ALL, YOU'RE JUST AS PETTY AND HORRIBLE AS EVER.
34908	CCG: FUCK YOU FOREVER. FUCK EVERY TEN-MINUTES-AHEAD VERSION OF MYSELF ALL THE WAY INTO TEN-MINUTE-FUCKING-ETERNITY.
34909	FCG: I CAN'T EVEN DO THIS, NOT ANY MORE.
34910	CCG: YEAH, WELL YOU MADE YOUR COCOON, PAL. NOW WE HAVE TO TAKE TURNS SHITTING IN IT, TOGETHER. IT IS THE MOST PATHETIC, SMELLIEST DANCE OF ALL.
34911	FCG: HMM.
34912	CCG: WHAT THE FUCK IS IT NOW?
34913	FCG: IT JUST OCCURRED TO ME
34914	FCG: THIS DUMB TANTRUM I THREW
34915	FCG: THIS ENTIRE BAD MOOD...
34916	FCG: IT WAS JUST ANOTHER IDIOTIC SELF-FULFILLING REACHAROUND WASN'T IT.
34917	CCG: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT??
34918	FCG: I MEAN, WHERE DID THIS EVEN COME FROM?
34919	FCG: IT WAS LIKE SPONTANEOUSLY GENERATING SELF-LOATHING WITH NO DISCERNIBLE SOURCE.
34920	FCG: WAS THIS EMOTIONAL OUTBURST EVER EVEN REAL?
34921	CCG: OH NO, DON'T EVEN START WITH THAT.
34922	CCG: DO *NOT* START GETTING EXISTENTIAL ABOUT MY ANGER.
34923	CCG: YOU BETTER FUCKING BELIEVE THIS IS REAL.
34924	FCG: ARE YOU SURE, MAN?
34925	CCG: ASLKJSDKLSDLFHJSIKLKLSDGNKL
34926	CCG: YOU CONDESCENDING FUCK.
34927	CCG: HOW
34928	CCG: FUUUUUUUUUUUSDLIHLYUUIFHIERGFSHDJKBGJKSUUUUUCKING
34929	CCG: **********DAAAARE**********
34930	CCG: YOU CALL INTO QUESTION THE LEGITIMACY OF MY FEELINGS, AS IF THEY AREN'T COMPLETELY JUSTIFIED AND TOTALLY 100% GROUNDED IN
34931	CCG: *ABSOLUTE*
34932	CCG: ~*=STONE COLD CONCRETE GOD DAMNED=*~
34933	CCG: **********
34934	CCG: OBJECTIVE.
34935	CCG: MOTHER.
34936	CCG: FUCKING.
34937	CCG: REALITY.
34938	CCG: **********
34939	FCG: YEAH, SEE
34940	FCG: I'VE COMPLETELY SET YOU OFF HERE, AND NOW YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SAYING.
34941	FCG: SORRY, THIS WAS MY FAULT. I'M GOING TO GO TRY AND CALM MYSELF DOWN.
34942	CCG: OH, SO THIS IS WHY YOU DECIDE TO LEAVE THIS CONVERSATION???
34943	CCG: YOU GOT OWNED, SO YOU HAD TO SLINK AWAY LIKE A FUCKING COWARD??????
34944	CCG: NICE TRY SHIT HEAD, BUT I'M NOT DONE WITH YOU YET. YOU THINK YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN LIST HIS 10-MINUTE-AWAY-SELF'S FLAWS??
34945	CCG: I COULD GO ON FOREVER!
34946	FCG banned himself from responding to memo.
34947	CCG: FINE, GET OUT OF HERE! GOOD RIDDANCE!
34948	CCG: AS IF I COULD TAKE ANOTHER SPONGE WRINGING MINUTE OF YOUR DISINGENUOUS DRIVEL.
34949	PAST carcinoGeneticist [PCG] 10 MINUTES AGO opened memo on board FRUITY RUMPUS ASSHOLE FACTORY, BORING ROAD TRIP THROUGH THE FUCKING AFTERLIFE EDITION.
34950	PCG: I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M ACTUALLY DOING THIS MEMO BULLSHIT AGAIN.
34951	PCG: I GUESS I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO.
34952	PCG: I JUST NEED TO AIR OUT SOME SHIT WITH SOMEBODY, AND EVERYONE HERE HAS THEIR HEADS SO FAR UP THEIR NOOKS I WANT TO SCREAM LOUDER THAN I USUALLY DO.
34953	PCG: THEIR TROLL NOOKS *AND* HUMAN NOOKS, WHATEVER THE HELL A HUMAN NOOK EVEN *IS*.
34954	PCG: YOU KNOW?
34955	PCG: HEY, ARE YOU THERE?
34956	CURRENT carcinoGeneticist [CCG] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
34957	CCG: FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK.
34958	CCG: OH...
34959	CCG: HEY
34960	CCG: I CAN'T
34961	CCG: I JUST CANNOT
34962	CCG: *FUCKING*
34963	CCG: ***BELIEVE***
34964	CCG: I HAVE TO GO THROUGH ALL THIS BULLSHIT AGAIN WITH YOU/ME.
34965	CCG: WHAT THE FUCK MADE ME THINK THIS WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA???
34966	PCG: DUDE, WHAT'S WITH THE TEXT?
34967	CCG: UUUUUGH.
34968	CCG: WHY DON'T YOU TELL ME!
34969	CCG: I JUST HAVE THIS INCREDIBLE PREMONITION YOU'RE ABOUT TO ANYWAY.
34970	DAVE: hey
34971	ROSE: Sup.
34972	DAVE: anyone seen terezi around
34973	ROSE: No.
34974	ROSE: Why?
34975	DAVE: we were gonna do a thing
34976	DAVE: but shes not around and not answering my messages
34977	DAVE: on any one of the probably ten thousand computers lying around that they would show up on
34978	ROSE: A thing?
34979	DAVE: yes a thing
34980	ROSE: I see.
34981	DAVE: shut up
34982	DAVE: what about you have you seen her
34983	KANAYA: No
34984	KANAYA: Have You Seen Gamzee
34985	DAVE: are you serious
34986	DAVE: of course not
34987	DAVE: i havent seen that guy at all since the first day we got here
34988	DAVE: not once
34989	KANAYA: Yeah
34990	KANAYA: I Know
34991	DAVE: talk about an elusive juggalo
34992	DAVE: probably like the shyest fuckin juggalo of all time
34993	DAVE: im pretty sure only karkats seen him
34994	DAVE: dont expect him to rat him out either because of the "morail" junk
34995	DAVE: moirail?
34996	DAVE: mwah rail...
34997	DAVE: alien words
34998	KANAYA: I Wouldnt Expect Him To
34999	KANAYA: I Wouldnt Even Ask It Would Be Really Bad Form To Ask Him That
35000	DAVE: yeah
35001	DAVE: i mean i bet you think youre imparting some really obscure cultural fact about trolls
35002	DAVE: but really if a human said to another human
35003	DAVE: "hey man can you tell me where your best clown friend is hiding so i can go chainsaw him to death"
35004	DAVE: just fyi that would probably be bad form too
35005	KANAYA: Okay
35006	DAVE: i dunno its been a year already i think hes really intent on hiding
35007	DAVE: and hanging on to those dead bodies
35008	DAVE: hes probably scared to death of you at this point anyway
35009	DAVE: maybe you should just let it go
35010	KANAYA: Hmm
35011	DAVE: rose back me up
35012	ROSE: I try to stay out of troll interpersonal politics.
35013	DAVE: interpersonal
35014	DAVE: wait
35015	DAVE: are you saying this is like
35016	DAVE: a spade quadrant thing
35017	DAVE: is she trying to be his kismet fish
35018	ROSE: I'm saying no such thing!
35019	DAVE: well if she hates him isnt that what that means
35020	ROSE: Dave, don't be a dick. You're embarrassing her.
35021	DAVE: haha no im not shes cool
35022	DAVE: look shes being cool about it
35023	KANAYA: Im Being Cool About It
35024	DAVE: see????
35025	KANAYA: Its Not Like That
35026	KANAYA: I Just Want To Find Him
35027	KANAYA: And
35028	KANAYA: At Least Wound Him Somewhat
35029	DAVE: yeah see i knew there had to be a perfectly harmless and unerotic explanation
35030	ROSE: (shh!)
35031	KANAYA: No
35032	KANAYA: See Im Explaining This Badly
35033	KANAYA: All Im Saying Is Basically
35034	KANAYA: Just
35035	KANAYA: Fuck That Guy
35036	DAVE: got it
35037	DAVE: so what are you up to in here
35038	DAVE: whats with all these books
35039	ROSE: Research.
35040	ROSE: We're trying to put all the pieces of the puzzle together.
35041	ROSE: You are aware this meteor has many secret rooms scattered throughout, including libraries, right?
35042	DAVE: hell yeah
35043	DAVE: we looted one of them for the can town project
35044	ROSE: Can Town?
35045	DAVE: i told you about can town didnt i
35046	ROSE: No??
35047	DAVE: well
35048	DAVE: the thing about can town
35049	DAVE: and all there really is to say about can town is
35050	DAVE: its awesome
35051	DAVE: the end???
35052	ROSE: Wow.
35053	ROSE: What a story.
35054	DAVE: fu
35055	DAVE: so
35056	DAVE: what is the point of this research
35057	ROSE: Primarily to gain a more thorough understanding of the situation we'll be entering when we arrive.
35058	DAVE: i thought you pretty much already knew the situation
35059	DAVE: since you can see the future
35060	ROSE: Oh my God.
35061	ROSE: I've told you. I can't see the future!
35062	DAVE: yes you can
35063	DAVE: you totally can
35064	ROSE: Ok. But not all of it. Only certain relevant pieces.
35065	ROSE: It's a bit frustrating when people make that presumption about you.
35066	ROSE: For instance, you are a Knight of Time. Since you have such mastery over time, doesn't that mean you should know everything about the future too?
35067	DAVE: no thats totally dumb
35068	DAVE: i could know things about the future if i time traveled and found out first hand
35069	DAVE: nobodys mistaking that about me im a time traveler not a fuckin fortune teller its simple as shit
35070	ROSE: Right. So there are significant limitations on what you can know, governed by certain rules.
35071	ROSE: That's how it is for a Seer too.
35072	DAVE: ok whatever
35073	ROSE: But I will say that I have been able to use these abilities to assist with research.
35074	ROSE: I can treat my finite glimpses as an additional source of information.
35075	ROSE: If you combine that with the knowledge we've gathered from these texts, and things we've learned from our various encounters with the deceased, with a bit of inference and deduction, a more detailed picture is coming into focus.
35076	DAVE: nice
35077	ROSE: Do you want to hear about it?
35078	DAVE: uh
35079	DAVE: now?
35080	ROSE: Yes.
35081	ROSE: Why not? It's been a year.
35082	ROSE: It seems like all we've done on this trip so far is indulge in lavish interior decoration projects and screw around with mysterious "Can Town" initiatives, which may or may not be consuming valuable library resources as building materials.
35083	ROSE: We could make at least some effort to squeeze in annual briefings on our objective.
35084	DAVE: yeah that would be pretty legit of us
35085	ROSE: I think you'll find that when it comes to striving for a reasonable approximation of legitimacy, we are simply the most barely adequate there is.
35086	DAVE: ok i didnt really catch any of that bullshit cause i wasnt listening
35087	DAVE: im gonna make myself a cup of coffee and get primed to listen to you saying a lot of stuff like that
35088	DAVE: do you want some
35089	ROSE: Um. Sure.
35090	DAVE: kanaya?
35091	KANAYA: No Thank You
35092	DAVE: ok
35093	DAVE: ...
35094	DAVE: this fuckin thing
35095	DAVE: where did you even unearth this piece of shit from
35096	DAVE: oh ok there it goes
35097	DAVE: two hot revitalizing cups of shitty coffee
35098	DAVE: fresh out of the weird pod
35099	DAVE: why do we even drink this shit
35100	DAVE: i guess just cause this thing is here
35101	DAVE: like somehow the temptation is even stronger because the coffee sucks?
35102	DAVE: dunno how the fuck that works
35103	DAVE: wish there was such a thing as apple juice on troll world
35104	DAVE: could go for a bottle of aj
35105	DAVE: i wonder if theres any booze squirreled away on this meteor
35106	DAVE: kinda feels like we should be drinking our asses off here
35107	DAVE: no adults nothing to do
35108	DAVE: thats what you do without adults right
35109	DAVE: get wasted all the time?
35110	DAVE: wait what the fuck am i saying trolls dont even have adults
35111	DAVE: well they do
35112	DAVE: but theyre all in outer space being insane badasses
35113	DAVE: i guess they do have the stupid nanny monsters
35114	DAVE: do the monsters give a shit if they get wasted
35115	ROSE: Are you talking to us?
35116	DAVE: what
35117	ROSE: We can't even hear you mumbling over there.
35118	DAVE: oh
35119	ROSE: How's that coffee coming?
35120	DAVE: off the shit is how
35121	DAVE: all being like
35122	DAVE: in cups and everything
35123	ROSE: Be sure it makes it to the table before it accumulates that strange unctuous film on the surface.
35124	DAVE: so whats with the big book youre writing in
35125	DAVE: is that more wizard fan fiction
35126	ROSE: No, it's something like an extensive journal.
35127	ROSE: I'm recording everything we've been through so far, and detailed notes on everything we know about the game.
35128	ROSE: I'm also using it to document our research, and extrapolate on the new session and players.
35129	DAVE: so its like
35130	DAVE: your nigh unreadable gamefaq
35131	DAVE: in tome form
35132	ROSE: Somewhat.
35133	DAVE: you sure like to write big game guides
35134	ROSE: I don't look at it that way.
35135	ROSE: I'm approaching it from a standpoint of responsible historical documentation.
35136	ROSE: Don't you think people in the future will want to know about our story?
35137	DAVE: i guess
35138	ROSE: I think it could be a very useful resource some day.
35139	ROSE: It could be helpful to others beginning their own quests.
35140	DAVE: ehh
35141	DAVE: chances of that seem pretty remote
35142	KANAYA: I Really Wouldnt Rule It Out
35143	DAVE: ok totally sold on that suddenly
35144	DAVE: on account of not caring
35145	DAVE: so tell me about the new session
35146	DAVE: what is there to know
35147	DAVE: and most importantly
35148	DAVE: how is everything going to go wrong this time
35149	ROSE: From what I understand, everything already has gone wrong before the game even started, in many different ways than ours did.
35150	ROSE: There are indications of thicker political intrigue. Assassination attempts. And a usurpation of the throne more insidious than what we dealt with.
35151	ROSE: But those examples still don't illustrate the fundamental fault with their session.
35152	ROSE: Ours had a similar fault. It was a null session.
35153	ROSE: Literature on the subject says null sessions are actually very common.
35154	ROSE: It is any session resulting in failure, and as such, designed to result in failure from the start, due to Skaia's comprehensive "knowledge" of its own fate, and that of all it illumines.
35155	ROSE: Biologically speaking, it's to be expected that null sessions far outnumber the successful ones. When it comes to reproductive systems, overwhelming redundancy is commonplace.
35156	ROSE: A universe has a reproductive system that spreads many seeds, as it were, most of which never come to fruition. So we shouldn't feel too bad about our results, really. It was quite par for the course.
35157	ROSE: But then, it would also seem that exceedingly few null sessions result in the birth of a massive green star fueled by two dead universes. For what it's worth.
35158	DAVE: ok but i thought the whole point of this
35159	DAVE: the scratch thing
35160	DAVE: is it gave us a chance to still win
35161	DAVE: but youre saying the new session has a fault too?
35162	ROSE: Well, yes. There's more to it though.
35163	ROSE: The new session is essentially our session, rebooted with different parameters which also affected the original conditions of our universe.
35164	ROSE: And strangely, it seems the new one is a null session as well, but within a much less common subset of all null sessions.
35165	ROSE: This one is referred to as a void session.
35166	DAVE: ok
35167	DAVE: which is what
35168	ROSE: It's very simply a session in which nothing is prototyped before entry, at all.
35169	ROSE: Hence, by Skaia's preemptive all-knowing and its influence on the rest of the incipisphere, there are not even any towers on Prospit or Derse built to receive the split kernels.
35170	ROSE: See?
35171	DAVE: weird
35172	DAVE: why would these alt universe players fuck up in such an obvious and stupid way
35173	ROSE: I don't know what specifically led to the failure to prototype anything.
35174	ROSE: But it doesn't really matter. As I said, the session was designed this way before they began playing. Any efforts to prototype may have been in vain regardless. Possibly subject to sabotage.
35175	DAVE: didnt you say at some point that not prototyping anything would be really bad
35176	ROSE: Yes.
35177	ROSE: It's just another way to create an infertile session. Though by a less catastrophic and bloody route we took to achieve the same result.
35178	ROSE: By contrast, it leads to a rather harmless, uneventful session. Underlings remain unaugmented, and so does the royalty.
35179	ROSE: And while this may sound advantageous to the players, it's a curse in disguise. The lack of prototypings which keeps adversaries unevolved has the same influence on the battlefield.
35180	ROSE: Without successive prototypings, the battlefield will never reach its final form, which must be fertilized to grow a new universe.
35181	ROSE: Instead, it remains in its most basic form, stuck in eternal stalemate.
35182	ROSE: There is nothing players in a void session can do to change this. They are resigned to live out the rest of their days in a dead end session.
35183	DAVE: still waiting to hear how this is in any way an improvement on all the shit we just escaped from
35184	ROSE: It's a vast improvement.
35185	ROSE: The new session is a blank slate, without a ridiculously short time limit for victory like ours had.
35186	ROSE: There will be no time limit at all, in fact.
35187	ROSE: Once we arrive, ostensibly that is when the nature of the session will change.
35188	ROSE: It won't be classifiable as either a null or void session anymore. It will be something which, as far as I can tell, is unique.
35189	ROSE: The fully matured battlefield from our session can be used to make the new one viable. The path to success will be made possible by a combination of efforts and assets from both iterations.
35190	ROSE: Usually scratched sessions are absolute resets, and involve no direct influence from the first attempt at all. I can't find any precedent for our situation.
35191	DAVE: jade has our battlefield right
35192	ROSE: Yes.
35193	DAVE: so she shows up and drops it in skaia
35194	DAVE: and then we take the result of all that damn frog breeding we did and stick the thing in there somehow
35195	DAVE: and we sit back and wait for it to do its huge ribbit or whatever
35196	DAVE: and were golden
35197	ROSE: Pretty much.
35198	ROSE: As long as there is an actual vacancy in the center of Skaia when we get there.
35199	DAVE: is that going to be a problem
35200	ROSE: I don't think so.
35201	ROSE: Even if it were, it would be a trivial obstacle.
35202	ROSE: But as it is, I think the forces opposing these players are clandestinely working toward the same goal as we are.
35203	ROSE: From what I can tell, gestures of antagonism, while certainly posing legitimate danger, have been factored in as critical stepping stones to one destination shared by all parties.
35204	ROSE: I don't know why this is, or what the motives are yet.
35205	ROSE: The appearance is one of clear sailing ahead, but traces of conspiracy are everywhere.
35206	DAVE: ok but
35207	DAVE: conspiracies aside
35208	DAVE: did it ever really look like clear sailing to you
35209	DAVE: thats not what i was seeing
35210	DAVE: we are going to arrive and then soon after jack is going to show up
35211	DAVE: and then we have to beat him right
35212	DAVE: so there kind of is a time limit
35213	ROSE: Yes, we will have to deal with Jack before all is said and done.
35214	ROSE: And that will definitely be a major challenge.
35215	ROSE: But it is not impossible. At least, not by design.
35216	ROSE: When I said there would be no time limit in this session, I was talking about something more specific.
35217	ROSE: There will be no reckoning.
35218	DAVE: oh
35219	DAVE: why not
35220	ROSE: It's a logical consequence of any void session.
35221	ROSE: The battlefield never evolves, and therefore the more extensive war between Prospit and Derse never takes shape.
35222	ROSE: It is only when the Prospitian king falls in battle that the reckoning can be initiated by the forces of Derse.
35223	ROSE: The meteors then rush to destroy the battlefield, while Skaia redirects them through defense portals for as long as it can.
35224	ROSE: Thus, if there is no war, there is no reckoning, no meteors, and no imminent threat of failure.
35225	ROSE: This is of course good news for Earth as well. During the reckoning, Skaia redirects all incoming meteors to the only place it can. Earth.
35226	ROSE: So it turns out that players who initiate a void session are not actually condemning their home planet to an apocalyptic wasteland after they leave.
35227	ROSE: In the new instance of our universe, Earth is just fine.
35228	ROSE: Sort of.
35229	DAVE: so
35230	DAVE: no meteors came at all
35231	DAVE: you mean by fucking up and having to scratch we also sort of saved earth in the process
35232	ROSE: Again: sort of.
35233	ROSE: And it's not that there were no meteors whatsoever.
35234	ROSE: Just the vast majority of the destructive onslaught never showed up.
35235	ROSE: But delivering the temple to the site of the forge is still integral to jumpstarting the session.
35236	ROSE: That meteor however could have been propelled through a portal by any means, not just via the reckoning.
35237	DAVE: i see
35238	DAVE: what about the players themselves
35239	DAVE: they had to arrive on meteors too didnt they
35240	DAVE: i guess the baby meteors were some exceptions too right
35241	ROSE: Yes.
35242	ROSE: But they weren't flung through portals in their own session, nor will they be created there.
35243	ROSE: They were created in our session, and sent back through our portals. Just like us.
35244	DAVE: ................
35245	ROSE: To understand what happened, it really helps to understand exactly what a scratch is.
35246	ROSE: When John severely damaged the Beat Mesa on your planet, and sent it off to Skaia to release its temporal energy there, you could view it as a kind of "request."
35247	ROSE: We were asking Skaia to change everything at a fundamental level, and we gave it the energy to do so.
35248	ROSE: But Skaia is a very passive entity. It only "knows" and "sees," but it never quite "acts."
35249	ROSE: When it is asked to change everything, there is only so much it has control over.
35250	ROSE: In fact, it has control over exactly one thing. The defense portals.
35251	ROSE: It can decide to send important meteors to different points in time than originally planned, thus creating alternate realities.
35252	ROSE: Offshoots of promise, rather than futility.
35253	ROSE: And it turns out the most important meteors of all tend to be the ones delivering the young players to their planet.
35254	ROSE: So all it has to do to change everything is tweak their destination times a bit.
35255	ROSE: All internally-prompted changes in the post-scratch universe are decided entirely by this modest adjustment to the parameters.
35256	ROSE: It's a very simple concept, actually.
35257	ROSE: Yet the consequences are dramatic. It results in not only a hard reset for the session, but a partial reset for the universe too, due to the many causal entanglements between a session and its originating universe.
35258	DAVE: what do you mean tweak the destination times
35259	DAVE: where did they get sent to
35260	ROSE: A variety of different time periods.
35261	ROSE: The simplest way to way to look at it is to picture the original destinations of our two groups of four ecto-babies...
35262	ROSE: And switch them.
35263	DAVE: what
35264	ROSE: Though this is just a slight oversimplification.
35265	ROSE: While it's roughly true, Skaia had some peculiar whims this time.
35266	ROSE: While most landed in time periods corresponding with the original group,
35267	ROSE: It seems that two of the new players arrived four centuries ahead of everyone else.
35268	ROSE: For some bizarre reason.
35269	DAVE: uh
35270	ROSE: But they're still apparently able to communicate with their coplayers through I guess some Trollian-like technology, and they're still able to establish game connections with the others. So this stands as an odd but not otherwise terribly significant detail.
35271	DAVE: so
35272	DAVE: uh
35273	DAVE: in this alt universe group of us and
35274	DAVE: them
35275	DAVE: which ones are the actual players
35276	ROSE: I'll give you a hint.
35277	ROSE: It isn't us.
35278	DAVE: fuck
35279	DAVE: why did i know that was gonna be the answer
35280	ROSE: And to think that usually I'm the one accused of knowing the future.
35281	DAVE: i dunno if im ready to process the ramifications of this bullshit
35282	ROSE: You would find it less disconcerting if the players were alternate versions of us?
35283	DAVE: man
35284	DAVE: at least im used to dealing with alt daves
35285	DAVE: ive been fuck deep in alt daves before
35286	DAVE: its a goddamn delight if you want to know the truth
35287	DAVE: but i dont even know what to think about...
35288	ROSE: What?
35289	ROSE: Meeting a deceased figure of authority as a peer?
35290	DAVE: lets not even talk about it ok
35291	DAVE: can we slow down this meteor
35292	DAVE: delay the meetup
35293	DAVE: maybe fight jack for a little while
35294	ROSE: I honestly thought you would find the idea exciting.
35295	ROSE: I know I'm looking forward to it.
35296	DAVE: but your mom was just a nice alcoholic spinster who liked wizards who you complained about for no reason
35297	DAVE: she wasnt anything like an untouchable master of irony who could replace the meat in your sandwich before it even occurred to you what the fuck you were chewing
35298	DAVE: let me ask you this did your mom ever wiggle a puppet in your face even ONCE
35299	ROSE: Not that I recall.
35300	ROSE: But anecdotes like that just make me more curious to meet him, personally.
35301	DAVE: fine well you can be on bro duty then
35302	DAVE: ill be the ambassador to your mom
35303	DAVE: and no that wasnt actually meant as the sick burn it sounded like
35304	ROSE: She's your mom too, though.
35305	DAVE: yeah i know
35306	DAVE: ill be the ambassador to my mom then
35307	DAVE: that sounds pretty stupid when i say it that way
35308	DAVE: whatever
35309	DAVE: ill be the fuckin one man welcome wagon for the john and jade teen old people and also our mom thats the plan
35310	DAVE: so when we finally see them we can get our shit into formation like trained acrobats
35311	DAVE: like ill blow a whistle and we make a human pyramid got it
35312	DAVE: that way we can totally avoid anything awkward
35313	ROSE: You do realize we've seen her already, right?
35314	DAVE: what
35315	DAVE: when
35316	ROSE: Months ago.
35317	ROSE: In a dream.
35318	ROSE: She was floating along in Derse pajamas, asleep.
35319	DAVE: wait that was her
35320	ROSE: Yes.
35321	DAVE: oh
35322	DAVE: huh
35323	DAVE: .....
35324	ROSE: You're wondering why I didn't tell you?
35325	DAVE: no
35326	ROSE: You're specifically wondering why I wasn't forthcoming with an answer to your question at the time, "hey who was that choice babe in the pajamas?"
35327	DAVE: god fucking dammit
35328	ROSE: You don't find it nostalgic at all?
35329	ROSE: Retracing the steps of some of our Freudian semi-blunders in conversations past?
35330	DAVE: no what a load of shit
35331	DAVE: stuff said between you and me before we knew we were related
35332	DAVE: we both know that was a lot of horseplay bullfuckery between like smartass 10 year olds or whatever
35333	DAVE: you cant seriously have taken any of that seriously
35334	ROSE: ;)
35335	DAVE: ugh dont ever do that
35336	DAVE: all these fuckin
35337	DAVE: momtraps and sistertraps
35338	DAVE: what a joke i hope skaia gets to have a good laugh over shit like this
35339	DAVE: wait i forgot skaia doesnt laugh it just "sees" and "knows"
35340	DAVE: its like a huge blue perv thats mad jazzed for kidcest
35341	KANAYA: What Are You People Even Talking About
35342	ROSE: ;)
35343	DAVE: dont you wink at her
35344	DAVE: kanaya heres a protip that wink meant jack dick shes just being weird
35345	KANAYA: I Feel As Though This Conversation Has Utterly Outmaneuvered My Constructive Involvement
35346	KANAYA: Im Going To Go
35347	DAVE: yeah im pretty much ollying outie too
35348	DAVE: got some shit to attend to
35349	DAVE: after you
35350	KANAYA: Augh
35351	KANAYA: Why Does That Always Happen
35352	KARKAT: EVERYBODY OUT OF THE GODDAMN WAY.
35353	KARKAT: I GOT A LAB FULL OF HUMANS, A MOUTH FULL OF YELLING, AND A TORTURED PSYCHOLOGICAL PROFILE FULL OF TOTALLY HYSTERICAL EMOTIONS AND UNAIRED GRIEVANCES AT PRACTICALLY EVERYBODY.
35354	DAVE: karkat is broken guys
35355	KARKAT: YEAH
35356	KARKAT: OK HOLD ON
35357	KARKAT: IF I CAN SETTLE DOWN A TICK I SHOULD BE ABLE TO MAKE MORE SENSE SHORTLY
35358	KARKAT: JUST ONE...
35359	KARKAT: *huff huff*
35360	ROSE: Maybe you should lie down on the couch.
35361	KARKAT: FUCK...
35362	KARKAT: *wheeze*
35363	KARKAT: NO
35364	DAVE: dude what is the matter with you
35365	KARKAT: WOW OK
35366	KARKAT: THAT WAS A PRETTY TERRIBLE ENTRANCE.
35367	KARKAT: ANYWAY
35368	KARKAT: WHERE WAS I.
35369	DAVE: dunno but i was just leaving
35370	KARKAT: NOT SO FAST STRIDER, THIS HEAVILY CONCERNS YOU.
35371	KARKAT: IT CONCERNS YOU EXCLUSIVELY IN FACT.
35372	KARKAT: WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING?
35373	DAVE: just stepping out to do a thing
35374	DAVE: which is not your business
35375	KARKAT: LIKE MY INFLAMED QUAKING GALLSPHINCTER IT'S NOT.
35376	KARKAT: TELL ME, ARE YOU BY ANY CHANCE GOING TO HAVE SOME COMPANY WHEN YOU STEP OUT TO DO THIS "THING?"
35377	KARKAT: NOTICE THE TWO HEAVILY DRAMATIZED "ENCLOSURE TALONS" SURROUNDING THAT WORD, WHICH I AM SCORNFULLY PANTOMIMING WITH MY OWN TWO HANDS, AS PRESENTLY BEING DEMONSTRATED FOR YOU.
35378	DAVE: yeah sure
35379	KARKAT: OH??
35380	KARKAT: WHO WOULD THAT BE MAY I ASK?
35381	DAVE: well
35382	DAVE: probably the mayor
35383	DAVE: hes usually down for whatever
35384	KARKAT: I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT THE FUCKING MAYOR, AND YOU FUCKING KNOW IT.
35385	DAVE: hey dont be saying shit about the mayor
35386	DAVE: the mayor rules hes like my best fucking friend
35387	KARKAT: HE'S NOT A MAYOR. HE'S THE MAYOR OF FUCKSTICK JUNCTION LOCATED SMACK DAB IN THE MIDDLE OF PRETEND ASS NOWHERE.
35388	DAVE: hes a mayor you douche his thing says mayor
35389	KARKAT: IT SAYS "MAYO" AND HE WROTE THE "R" HIMSELF.
35390	KARKAT: HE'S AT BEST A MAYO. AND WHO EVER HEARD OF A MAYO? IT'S EVERY BIT AS IMAGINARY AS HIS IDENTITY AS AN ELECTED OFFICIAL.
35391	DAVE: no mayo is like grub sauce but without grubs
35392	KARKAT: WHO THE FUCK EVER HEARD OF GRUB SAUCE WITHOUT GRUBS??? WHAT'S IT MADE OF THEN GENIUS!
35393	DAVE: like
35394	DAVE: uh
35395	DAVE: i dunno its white and it just sort of exists
35396	DAVE: you dont ask about mayo thats not what you do with mayo
35397	KARKAT: ISN'T IT FUNNY HOW QUICKLY YOUR BULLSHIT UNRAVELS WHEN SOMEONE INTELLIGENT ACTUALLY HOLDS YOU ACCOUNTABLE??
35398	KARKAT: YOU ARE FUCKING BUSTED STRIDER.
35399	KARKAT: YOU ARE BUSTED ABOUT "MAYO" AND YOU ARE BUSTED ABOUT TEREZI.
35400	DAVE: hahaha you are pathetic
35401	DAVE: this is why you all stormed in here out of breath
35402	DAVE: what did you actually sprint all the way across the meteor to tell me this
35403	KARKAT: WHAT I DO WITH MY LEGS AND HOW FAST I MOVE THEM IS MY BUSINESS YOU SHIT.
35404	DAVE: yeah and what i do with mine is mine
35405	DAVE: watch me make them make me leave
35406	KARKAT: I SAID STAY YOUR ASS PUT, WE'RE TALKING HERE.
35407	DAVE: dude dont touch my cape
35408	DAVE: ...
35409	DAVE: huh
35410	KARKAT: WHAT
35411	DAVE: i cant believe i seriously just said dude dont touch my cape to somebody and was serious about it
35412	KARKAT: OK, LOOK I'M NOWHERE NEAR YOUR PRECIOUS STUPID CAPE. JUST LISTEN.
35413	KARKAT: BEFORE YOU GO OFF TO SNOG TEREZI IN YOUR IDIOTIC LITTLE VILLAGE OF NUTRITION CYLINDERS, HEAR ME OUT.
35414	DAVE: man
35415	DAVE: you are so overblowing this
35416	KARKAT: BUT I DON'T THINK THAT I AM!
35417	DAVE: yeah you are
35418	DAVE: you have some idea about us or what were getting up to
35419	DAVE: so weve done a few things together to pass the time so what
35420	DAVE: i dont even think you could call them dates or anything
35421	DAVE: what the fuck would even qualify as a date on this gross dark meteor
35422	KARKAT: DAVE, CAN WE JUST CUT THE SHIT?
35423	KARKAT: I AM NOT AN IMBECILE. YOU ARE BOTH PLAINLY TIPPING INTO FLUSHED TERRITORY IRRESPECTIVE OF ENVIRONMENTAL FACTORS OR WHATEVER LAME CONDITIONS IT IS HUMANS BELIEVE TO BE OPTIMAL FOR PURSUING A MATESPRITSHIP.
35424	KARKAT: ANYONE CAN SEE THAT, IT'S THE SHITTIEST KEPT SECRET ON THIS METEOR. PROBABLY EVEN THE FUCKING MAYOR GETS IT, AND LET'S FACE IT, HE'S A LITTLE SLOW.
35425	KARKAT: DO YOU REALLY THINK YOU COULD PULL THE WOOLBEAST MATERIAL OVER THE EYES OF A HARDENED VETERAN OF ROMANTIC STUDIES?
35426	DAVE: we have one of those???
35427	KARKAT: I HAVE SEEN THOUSANDS OF TROLL ROMANCE FILMS, EACH DEALING WITH TOPICS FAR MORE SUBTLE AND COMPLEX THAN YOUR PEDESTRIAN HUMAN MIND COULD EVER GRASP.
35428	KARKAT: AND IN CASE YOU'VE FORGOTTEN, I'VE ALREADY WATCHED HUNDREDS OF YOUR MORE PRIMITIVE BUT MODERATELY ENTERTAINING ROMANCE FILMS.
35429	KARKAT: REMEMBER HOW I DOWNLOADED A FUCK TON OF THEM AFTER DISCOVERING YOUR SPECIES? I AM A CURIOUS MAN, DAVE, YOU COULD LEARN FROM ME.
35430	DAVE: yeah i remember
35431	DAVE: havent you only watched a bunch of shitty dane cook movies on infinite loop since we left
35432	KARKAT: YOU'RE SEVERELY EXAGGERATING, BUT YES I HAVE SAMPLED HIS WORK.
35433	DAVE: dude
35434	DAVE: you know youre only pretending to be a huge fan of his bullshit to piss me off
35435	KARKAT: AGAIN LOOK AT HOW SELF ABSORBED YOU'RE BEING!!!
35436	KARKAT: I HAPPEN TO THINK HE HAS A BRILLIANT COMEDIC MIND, FOR A HUMAN.
35437	DAVE: hrnngngnngghhhh
35438	DAVE: it turns out that exact sentence is my one weakness
35439	DAVE: you win bro you got your girl back
35440	KARKAT: OH SHUT UP.
35441	KARKAT: I AM NOT HERE TO DEBATE YOU ON THE FINER POINTS OF CINEMA, OR TO "GET MY GIRL BACK."
35442	KARKAT: HOW DESPERATE DO YOU THINK I AM?
35443	KARKAT: I'M ACTUALLY HERE TO DO THE OPPOSITE.
35444	KARKAT: I WANTED TO TELL YOU I'M TOTALLY OK WITH IT.
35445	DAVE: oh
35446	DAVE: ok then
35447	KARKAT: BUT JUST LISTEN, AND TRY TO KEEP AN OPEN MIND. I KNOW THAT'S HARD FOR YOU.
35448	KARKAT: HERE, PLEASE TAKE A LOOK AT THIS.
35449	DAVE: oh no
35450	DAVE: what the hot mess of fresh fuck am i looking at
35451	KARKAT: IT'S AN ALTERNIAN ROMANCE NOVEL.
35452	KARKAT: NOW LOOK, I'M NOT VOUCHING FOR THIS PARTICULAR PIECE OF LITERATURE. IT'S ACTUALLY PRETTY TRASHY AND IF YOU'RE INTERESTED I COULD RECOMMEND MUCH BETTER THINGS TO YOU.
35453	KARKAT: IT'S JUST THIS ONE ILLUSTRATES THE CONCEPT VERY CLEARLY.
35454	DAVE: what...
35455	DAVE: "concept"
35456	KARKAT: IT'S A PRETTY TYPICAL CASE OF QUADRANT VACILLATION AS APPLIED TO AN OVERLAPPING GROUP OF ROMANTIC PAIRINGS.
35457	DAVE: you lost me at quadrant
35458	DAVE: for future reference thats the word that always lets me know its time to check out of a sentence
35459	KARKAT: WILL YOU PIPE DOWN AND JUST HEAR ME OUT.
35460	KARKAT: IT'S REALLY SIMPLE. THINK OF IT AS BEING SIMILAR TO ONE OF YOUR PRIMITIVE HUMAN LOVE TRIANGLES.
35461	KARKAT: THOUGH THIS IS A QUADRANGLE. THOSE ARE MUCH MORE COMMON IN OUR SOCIETY AND ENTERTAINMENT, AND FOUR IS PRETTY MUCH THE MINIMUM VALUE FOR LOVE-HATE N-DRANGLES.
35462	DAVE: n drangles
35463	DAVE: god dammit
35464	KARKAT: NOW HERE IS WHAT'S ACTUALLY GOING ON WITH THIS GROUP OF CHARACTERS. PAY ATTENTION. HEY, LOOK AT ME. EYES OVER HERE. GOOD.
35465	KARKAT: SEE THE TWO HEROES IN THE MIDDLE, PARTAKING IN THEIR FLUSHED EMBRACE? PRETTY MUCH YOUR TYPICAL LOWBLOOD REDROM PAIRING. THEIR DYNAMIC IS THE GRUBLOAF AND TUBER PASTE OF THE OVERALL ARC.
35466	DAVE: .........
35467	KARKAT: BUT WHAT HAVE WE HERE? THERE ARE SOME NEFARIOUS HIGHBLOODS IN THE PICTURE TOO. THIS IS WHERE IT GETS INTERESTING.
35468	KARKAT: THE GUY ON THE LEFT IS AN OLD CALIGINOUS FLAME FROM THE MALE LOWBLOOD'S PAST, AND HAS REENTERED THE PICTURE. AGAIN, NOTHING OUT OF THE ORDINARY. HE CAN CONTINUE TO COURT HIS MATESPRIT AND KISMESIS WITHOUT CONFLICT. IT'S A PERFECTLY AMICABLE ARRANGEMENT THAT EVERYONE'S TOTALLY DOWN WITH.
35469	DAVE: what is that huge beefcake troll even doing
35470	DAVE: is he grinding against the little dudes shoulder what is even going on
35471	DAVE: why the fuck is he nude
35472	KARKAT: NO QUESTIONS YET.
35473	KARKAT: SO THEN THAT'S ALL FINE, PRETTY BOILERPLATE CONDITIONS FOR UNFOLDING ROMDRAMA, BUT THERE'S A TWIST.
35474	KARKAT: THE MALE HIGHBLOOD AND LOWBLOOD START TO HAVE FLUSHED FEELINGS FOR ONE ANOTHER, AND THIS RESULTS IN SOME RED INFIDELITY BETWEEN THE LOWBLOOD PAIR.
35475	KARKAT: OBVIOUSLY THIS IS WHERE THE FIREWORKS START GOING OFF. THE RED FEELINGS BETWEEN THE LOWBLOODS TURN TO BLACK, AND THUS BEGINS WHAT IS REFERRED TO AS QUADRANT VACILLATION.
35476	KARKAT: MEANWHILE THE TWO MALES ARE ALSO VACILLATING BETWEEN RED AND BLACK, BECAUSE YOU DON'T JUST LET GO OF A RIVALRY SO EASILY.
35477	DAVE: what is going on with the other chick
35478	DAVE: all grabbing at the other one down there in the corner
35479	KARKAT: YEAH, WELL, IT GETS EVEN MORE COMPLICATED THAN THAT, PROBABLY MORE THAN NEEDED FOR THE SAKE OF MAKING THE POINT.
35480	KARKAT: IN THE HEAT OF THEIR VACILLATION, DURING AN ESPECIALLY BLACK PHASE, THE LOWBLOOD FEMALE WAXES RED FOR A NOTORIOUS AND ESPECIALLY BRUTAL HIGHBLOOD FEMALE.
35481	KARKAT: SO THEY HAVE THEIR THING ON THE SIDE, BUT EVEN THAT STARTS VACILLATING TOO BECAUSE THE ORIGINAL PAIR JUST KEEP SPINNING LIKE A TOP.
35482	KARKAT: WE DON'T NEED TO GET BOGGED DOWN IN THE QUADRANGLE DYNAMIC THOUGH, AND FOR OUR PURPOSES THE 4TH PARTY IS A DISTRACTION.
35483	DAVE: our purposes
35484	DAVE: what the fuck are our purposes
35485	KARKAT: THE THING IS, VACILLATION ALWAYS ADDS A LOT OF DRAMA TO EVERYTHING, BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN IT CAN'T BE VIABLE.
35486	KARKAT: IT CAN TOTALLY WORK, AND EVERYONE CAN BE REASONABLE ABOUT IT, IT REALLY JUST COMES DOWN TO A MATTER OF SENSIBLE SCHEDULING.
35487	DAVE: you must be out of your fucking mind if you think i want to know where youre going with this
35488	KARKAT: DAVE, PLEASE.
35489	KARKAT: JUST READ THE BOOK, OK? IT'S ALL IN THE BOOK.
35490	DAVE: im not reading that shit
35491	DAVE: i cant even read your stupid troll language why would you think i can
35492	KARKAT: I THINK YOU SHOULD RECONSIDER. I CAN TRANSLATE FOR YOU. I'LL READ THE WHOLE DAMN THING ALOUD IF YOU WANT.
35493	KARKAT: SERIOUSLY, IT COULD REALLY EXPAND YOUR LIMITED HUMAN THINK PAN ON STUFF.
35494	KARKAT: THERE'S A LOT HERE THAT'S APPLICABLE TO OUR SITUATION.
35495	DAVE: there is nothing even slightly applicable about any of that bullshit to our situation
35496	KARKAT: DON'T BE DENSE. OF COURSE THERE IS.
35497	KARKAT: TEREZI AND I HAVE BEEN ON THE VERGE OF VACILLATING LIKE THIS FOR A LONG TIME.
35498	KARKAT: IT'S ABOUT TIME WE KILLED THE SUSPENSE AND JUST ACKNOWLEDGED IT.
35499	KARKAT: YOU AND SHE SEEM BENT ON DEVELOPING SOMETHING IN THE FLUSHED QUADRANT, AND LIKE I SAID, I'M FINE WITH THAT.
35500	KARKAT: IF WE CAN JUST GET OUR SHIT STRAIGHTENED OUT, WE CAN BE LIKE THESE VACILLATING PAIRS THAT ALTERNATE BETWEEN RED AND BLACK, BUT IN A WAY THAT'S COMPLEMENTARY WITH EACH OTHER'S PATTERNS.
35501	DAVE: oh my god
35502	DAVE: why is this happening
35503	KARKAT: LIKE WHILE SHE AND I ARE BLACK, YOU AND SHE ARE RED.
35504	KARKAT: BUT THEN WHEN SHE AND I ARE RED, YOU AND SHE... I DON'T KNOW IF HUMANS ARE REALLY CAPABLE OF BLACK FEELINGS?
35505	KARKAT: I GUESS THAT'S UP TO YOU. MAYBE YOU CAN JUST LIKE, SIT THOSE PERIODS OUT.
35506	KARKAT: LIKE TAKE A BREAK, YOU KNOW?
35507	DAVE: youve completely lost it dude
35508	DAVE: i cant believe for a fucking second this is reasonable shit to propose even on troll world
35509	DAVE: you just
35510	DAVE: totally snapped
35511	KARKAT: SNAPPED LIKE A FUCKING FOX. THIS MAKES PERFECT SENSE.
35512	KARKAT: LIKE I SAID, IT'S JUST A MATTER OF RESPONSIBLE SCHEDULING.
35513	KARKAT: HERE LET ME SHOW YOU.
35514	KARKAT: I NEED SOME PAPER. WHERE'S SOME PAPER.
35515	DAVE: hnnrrghh
35516	KARKAT: LOOK, IT'S PERFECTLY SIMPLE.
35517	KARKAT: HANG ON WHILE I DRAW THE GUIDELINES.
35518	DAVE: oh no
35519	DAVE: no you are NOT making another shipping grid dude
35520	KARKAT: IT'S NOT A SHIPPING GRID.
35521	KARKAT: JUST SOME ROWS AND COLUMNS FOR A SCHEDULE.
35522	DAVE: its a grid youre drawing a goddamn grid
35523	DAVE: im not letting you draw a grid for this stupid shit
35524	KARKAT: COME ON, LOOK HERE. THESE ARE THE DAYS OF THE WEEK.
35525	KARKAT: THEN WE EACH HAVE ROWS FOR THOSE DAYS AND WE CAN DRAW A HEART OR A SPADE FOR ANY GIVEN DAY.
35526	KARKAT: THAT WAY WE KNOW WHAT'S UP IN ADVANCE, AND AVOID UNPLEASANT CONFLICTS.
35527	DAVE: put the fucking pen down
35528	KARKAT: HEY, CUT IT OUT. DON'T TOUCH ME.
35529	DAVE: do not draw a shipping grid
35530	DAVE: do not do it
35531	KARKAT: IT'S NOT A SHIPPING GRID YOU OBTUSE FUCK.
35532	DAVE: this is fucked up put it down
35533	KARKAT: NO.
35534	DAVE: you are not drawing a grid to organize our goddamn dating lives
35535	DAVE: that is some straight up crackpot motherfuckin noise i will not abide
35536	KARKAT: FUCK YOU. LET ME DRAW.
35537	DAVE: stop drawing the shipping grid
35538	KARKAT: *IT IS NOT A SHIPPING GRID*
35539	KARKAT: THIS IS NOT SHIPPING YOU HEINOUS TOOL, THIS IS COMMON SENSE.
35540	DAVE: you will not draw anything that even remotely resembles a grid
35541	DAVE: do not draw an arrangement of squares or otherwise interlocking polygons
35542	KARKAT: LET GO.
35543	DAVE: you will not draw a spreadsheet for the purpose of allocating time spent with a mutual girlfriend you horses ass
35544	DAVE: that is exactly the shit i do not want to see
35545	KARKAT: LOOK, I JUST DREW A SQUARE.
35546	KARKAT: GET READY TO SEE A LOT MORE OF THOSE!
35547	DAVE: no
35548	DAVE: stop
35549	DAVE: do not draw any additional squares
35550	DAVE: do not draw any quadrilaterals or trapezoids or rectangles or fucking n-drangles and especially as fuck not any god damned rhombuses
35551	DAVE: i dont want to see your lines making any right angles do you understand
35552	KARKAT: IN MY MIND'S EYE I AM PICTURING A BEAUTIFUL LATTICE OF LINES AND COMPARTMENTS, INTERLOCKING WITH SUBLIME PRECISION AT NINETY DEGREE ANGLES.
35553	KARKAT: I IMAGINE THIS MODULAR RETICULATION AS AN ELEGANT VESSEL, IF YOU WILL, FOR THE GRAND SYNTHESIS OF OUR SHARED SHIPPING DREAMS.
35554	DAVE: no
35555	DAVE: that is the perfect example of what you shouldnt be drawing
35556	KARKAT: YES
35557	DAVE: no
35558	KARKAT: FUCK YES
35559	KARKAT: OOH LOOK, ANOTHER SQUARE, SORT OF.
35560	KARKAT: KIND OF WOBBLY! IT'LL HAVE TO DO.
35561	DAVE: no you fuck
35562	KARKAT: WAIT, I THINK IT'S COMING.
35563	KARKAT: HERE IT COMES, MY FIRST "SHIP", IT'S GOING IN THE SQUARE!
35564	DAVE: put the goddamn pen down
35565	DAVE: you piece of shit
35566	KARKAT: HELL NO.
35567	DAVE: yes
35568	KARKAT: WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM??
35569	KARKAT: OW, FUCK.
35570	DAVE: this is so sick does she even know youre doing this
35571	KARKAT: DOING WHAT??
35572	DAVE: splitting up her time in a grid for your stupid rotating hate date plan
35573	KARKAT: SHE WILL SOON ENOUGH.
35574	DAVE: what a presumptuous sack of shit put the pen down
35575	KARKAT: NO, I'M DRAWING.
35576	DAVE: step away from your dumb ugly scribble grid
35577	KARKAT: GET LOST.
35578	DAVE: youre messing up roses book
35579	KARKAT: YOU SMELL BAD.
35580	DAVE: dont talk to me about rank smells
35581	DAVE: you are the fuckin big man of smellin bad
35582	DAVE: you dominate the paint with your stonk
35583	KARKAT: MY LUSUS BROUGHT THINGS HOME THAT SMELLED MORE APPEALING THAN YOU.
35584	KARKAT: IMPORTANT FACT: 100% OF WHAT HE BROUGHT HOME WAS EITHER A DEAD ANIMAL, OR LITERAL FECES.
35585	DAVE: oh yeah well check it out:
35586	DAVE: you smell like if someone took a dump on a butt
35587	KARKAT: HOW CAN SHE STAND YOU WITH HER SENSITIVE NOSE?
35588	KARKAT: HAVE YOU EVER EVEN WASHED THAT RIDICULOUS OUTFIT?
35589	DAVE: theyre magic fucking pajamas they stay like perma clean or something
35590	DAVE: theyre enchanted and comfy as fuck give me the pen
35591	KARKAT: NO, IT'S MINE NOW. I'M KEEPING IT ON PRINCIPLE.
35592	DAVE: karkat whoa man what are you doing
35593	DAVE: why are you drawing all these human dicks
35594	DAVE: how do you even know what they look like what have you been watching??
35595	KARKAT: I'M NOT DRAWING THOSE!!!!!!!
35596	KARKAT: YOU'RE MAKING ME DRAW THEM, STOP THAT.
35597	DAVE: no way
35598	DAVE: this book is now like
35599	DAVE: our fight fueled ouija board of cock
35600	KARKAT: ARGH... STOP!
35601	KARKAT: DON'T
35602	KARKAT: NO FUCK
35603	KARKAT: OK NO
35604	KARKAT: YOU DREW THAT ONE
35605	KARKAT: YOU DREW THAT ONE!!!!
35606	KARKAT: DON'T PRETEND YOU DIDN'T!
35607	DAVE: are you sure man
35608	DAVE: thats the spooky thing about penis ouija you can never be sure who did the dicks
35609	DAVE: was it you or me or maybe a ghoooost???
35610	KARKAT: FUUUUUUUCK LET GO OF ME!
35611	DAVE: gimme the pen
35612	KARKAT: NO
35613	DAVE: yes
35614	KARKAT: NO
35615	DAVE: yes
35616	KARKAT: FINE TAKE IT!
35617	DAVE: no
35618	KARKAT: WHAT??
35619	DAVE: were still drawing
35620	KARKAT: LET GO
35621	DAVE: are you kidding this is a fucking masterpiece we have to see this through
35622	KARKAT: I'M TRYING TO LET GO OF THE STUPID PEN BUT YOU WON'T LET ME
35623	DAVE: we are in the shit now
35624	DAVE: we are motherfuckin entrenched in this bitch
35625	KARKAT: YOU CRAZY FUCK
35626	DAVE: were running out of room rose can you turn the page for us
35627	KARKAT: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!
35628	KARKAT: THIS ALTERCATION IS BECOMING UNCOMFORTABLY PHYSICAL, GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME.
35629	DAVE: what are you talking about
35630	KARKAT: YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.
35631	DAVE: shut up and draw another penis
35632	KARKAT: YOU DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND THE SOCIAL IMPLICATIONS OF ALL THIS HOSTILE TOUCHING AND GRABBING DO YOU???
35633	KARKAT: I DON'T FEEL THAT WAY ABOUT YOU STRIDER, JUST STEP OFF.
35634	DAVE: man if you want to look at this that way then thats your business
35635	DAVE: this is just an old fashioned beatdown where im from deal with it
35636	KARKAT: WHY DON'T YOU OLD FASHIONED GO FUCK YOURSELF?
35637	DAVE: stop biting my cape
35638	KARKAT: FUFCK NYOUF.
35639	KARKAT: RAAARARRAAUUUAAAAUUAGHGHGGHGGGGHHGH!
35640	DAVE: shit!
35641	DAVE: are you serious
35642	KARKAT: FFMUFFUFFIN
35643	DAVE: dude unreal
35644	DAVE: you are like a cape magnet
35645	DAVE: hold still
35646	KARKAT: MMMMMMFFFFFUUFFMMMMUFFIN
35647	DAVE: hup
35648	DAVE: BOOYEAH
35649	TEREZI: 3V3RYBODY STOP WH4T YOUR3 DO1NG 1MM3D14T3LY!
35650	TEREZI: WH4T3V3R 1T M1GHT B3
35651	TEREZI: 4NOTH3R DR34M BUBBL3 1S 4PPRO4CH1NG R4P1DLY
35652	TEREZI: 3V3RYON3 M4N YOUR ST4T1ONS!
35653	TEREZI: BY WH1CH 1 M34N GO 4BOUT YOUR BUS1N3SS 4S USU4L 1 GU3SS
35654	TEREZI: UNL3SS YOU W4NT TO M33T M3 UP H3R3 4ND CH3CK 1T OUT
35655	TEREZI: OV3R! >:]
35656	JADE: john i really think we are scraping the bottom of the barrel here
35657	JOHN: no way! this game rules.
35658	JOHN: i just never gave it much playing time before because...
35659	JOHN: well, i guess i always had better things to do.
35660	JADE: thats sort of my point!
35661	JADE: where did you even get this?
35662	JOHN: years ago i found it in a store on the bargain rack.
35663	JOHN: it was only a dollar! isn't that awesome?
35664	JADE: :|
35665	JADE: i dont really think this is my kind of game....
35666	JADE: but i will play it with you today because it is technically your birthday <3
35667	JOHN: yesss. you won't be disappointed.
35668	JADE: how many people did you get to play this??
35669	JOHN: um, i don't know.
35670	JOHN: i only showed it to a few people, but i guess hundreds are playing it now?
35671	JOHN: nobody is very good at it though.
35672	JOHN: i keep trying to tell the salamanders and chess guys not to cross the streams, but they keep crossing the streams!
35673	JOHN: just between you and me, i think a lot of them aren't very bright.
35674	JADE: why cant you cross the streams?
35675	JOHN: jade, please.
35676	JOHN: it is just something you can't do when you're a ghost buster, because it spells big trouble. everyone knows that.
35677	JADE: :p
35678	JOHN: you should hurry up and make a character already, so we can get started.
35679	JADE: im working on it!
35680	JADE: there are so many options
35681	JADE: what kind of ghostbuster should i make?
35682	JOHN: just any old ghost buster! as long as he looks awesome and like he means business.
35683	JADE: hmmmm
35684	JOHN: i will begin organizing our squad.
35685	JADE: what do you have to do?
35686	JOHN: well, first we need buy an old abandoned fire station to use as a headquarters.
35687	JOHN: luckily half the city is composed of abandoned fire stations that are for sale...
35688	JOHN: this game is actually really stupid in a lot of ways, now that i think about it.
35689	JADE: noooooooooo!
35690	JOHN: hey, shut up!
35691	JOHN: i take it back, it's great in every way.
35692	JADE: sure john
35693	JADE: whatever you say
35694	JOHN: ok, now i have to find us a mission.
35695	JOHN: got to hire a sassy secretary...
35696	JOHN: just have to peruse this extensive palette of sarcastic red headed ladies...
35697	JOHN: ok, here is a good one.
35698	JOHN: then we wait for a phone call. this can take anywhere from ten seconds to several hours.
35699	JADE: are you serious?
35700	JOHN: but that's fine!
35701	JOHN: there's lots to do in the station to kill time.
35702	JOHN: like talk to slimer, and...
35703	JOHN: get slimed by slimer.
35704	JOHN: ok, i guess that's pretty much all there is to do.
35705	JADE: what about that fire pole there?
35706	JADE: cant you go down the fire pole?
35707	JOHN: the fire pole is strictly decorative.
35708	JADE: .........
35709	JOHN: are you almost finished making your character?
35710	JADE: yeah i think im done!!!
35711	JADE: im pretty happy with him
35712	JOHN: jade.
35713	JOHN: that is absolutely the shittiest ghost buster i have ever seen.
35714	JADE: no way!
35715	JOHN: yes.
35716	JOHN: it is so yes way.
35717	JADE: hes adorable, what are you even talking about?
35718	JOHN: jade, i thought you were going to take this game seriously.
35719	JOHN: that is not a serious ghost buster. no ghost could possibly fear that thing.
35720	JADE: i dont want ghosts to be afraid of him
35721	JADE: i want to make friends with some ghosts if at all possible
35722	JOHN: it is not possible, ghosts are known to be cruel and mischievous.
35723	JOHN: they will not want to befriend your fox man, they will only want to cover him in slime and then fly away.
35724	JOHN: i really think you should consider redesigning him.
35725	JADE: nope. im keeping him :p
35726	JOHN: ok, well, if you want to turn our squad into a fucking joke, then that's your business.
35727	JADE: shut up or ill give him a pink jumpsuit!
35728	JOHN: argh!
35729	JOHN: but seriously, those head swap options are for such noobs, i feel it's only fair to warn you.
35730	JADE: i think i will manage to survive the embarrassment in front of a bunch of salamanders and crocodiles
35731	JOHN: ok, fine.
35732	JOHN: you get a pass, but only because you yourself are a furry.
35733	JADE: thank you
35734	JADE: *snicker*
35735	JOHN: what?
35736	JADE: nothing
35737	JOHN: is someone messaging you through the game?
35738	JADE: hehe
35739	JOHN: who is it?
35740	JADE: pffff!
35741	JOHN: dammit, jade...
35742	JADE: its davesprite, hes playing too
35743	JOHN: oh.
35744	JOHN: don't tell him any of our strategies. he is the enemy!
35745	JADE: we have strategies?
35746	JOHN: um...
35747	JOHN: ok, first, tell him we have strategies. then, don't tell him them.
35748	JADE: hahahahahahaha
35749	JOHN: oh god.
35750	JOHN: what is it now?
35751	JADE: did you know...
35752	JADE: davesprite is a funny guy?
35753	JOHN: meh, he's alright i guess.
35754	JOHN: i give most of his jokes a passing grade. sometimes as high as a solid b+!
35755	JADE: i just told him you said that
35756	JOHN: that's fine, he and i keep no secrets.
35757	JADE: davesprite says to tell you "youre basically welcome for being born 14 years ago and 1 year ago you ungrateful douche"
35758	JOHN: oh, like him taking credit for my existence isn't so old by now!
35759	JOHN: hey, jade...
35760	JOHN: why do you still call him davesprite?
35761	JADE: um
35762	JADE: because he is davesprite?
35763	JOHN: i just call him dave.
35764	JOHN: isn't that easier? i mean, he IS dave after all... right?
35765	JADE: well yeah
35766	JADE: but hes kinda different from dave
35767	JOHN: pshh, he is so not different.
35768	JOHN: dude is just a magical orange dave with wings! and also says caw sometimes.
35769	JADE: i know
35770	JADE: but there are other differences...
35771	JOHN: like what?
35772	JADE: its hard to explain
35773	JADE: just some slight differences in personality i guess
35774	JOHN: he still raps sometimes.
35775	JADE: yes...
35776	JADE: so?
35777	JOHN: i just thought i would mention that.
35778	JADE: ok i will admit i cant really tell if his rapping style has changed
35779	JOHN: trust me, it hasn't.
35780	JADE: i dont know if the differences are because he is a sprite
35781	JADE: or because he lived for a while in a different timeline...
35782	JOHN: well, weren't you a sprite before?
35783	JOHN: how different did you feel then?
35784	JADE: i wasnt a sprite!
35785	JADE: my dead dream self was a sprite
35786	JADE: and then i kind of merged with her when i became a god tier
35787	JOHN: oh, right.
35788	JOHN: so...
35789	JOHN: half of you was a sprite.
35790	JADE: i guess?
35791	JADE: its more like im still the me i always was, but inherited some of her memories
35792	JADE: but they are pretty vague
35793	JOHN: do you remember what it was like being jade sprite?
35794	JADE: i remember being dead for a long time
35795	JADE: and making friends...
35796	JADE: mostly trolls
35797	JOHN: oh really?
35798	JOHN: which ones?
35799	JADE: none that we know of now
35800	JADE: that i can remember at least
35801	JADE: they feel like such distant memories, like they were barely real
35802	JOHN: hmm.
35803	JOHN: i have to admit, i am a little disappointed in the dream bubble thing.
35804	JOHN: by the way you were describing it, i really thought we would dream about them on this trip more often!
35805	JADE: yeah me too
35806	JADE: maybe its something about this place were traveling through?
35807	JOHN: i dunno.
35808	JADE: when was the last time you visited one in your sleep?
35809	JOHN: man...
35810	JOHN: that was weeks ago, i think.
35811	JADE: yeah
35812	JOHN: and then, when i do dream about them, it's just kind of weird.
35813	JOHN: either i'm alone in my own memory, talking to figments of my imagination...
35814	JOHN: or i dream about someone we know. like a troll we have talked to, and i get excited.
35815	JOHN: but then it turns out they don't know who i am! it's like a version of them that died before they ever even knew us, and it's just kind of awkward.
35816	JADE: yup
35817	JOHN: and i still haven't seen dave or rose AT ALL.
35818	JOHN: have you?
35819	JADE: nope :(
35820	JOHN: yeah.
35821	JOHN: i'm starting to think it's not going to happen. i wonder if we're just not sleeping at the same times?
35822	JADE: i dont think thats it
35823	JADE: for one thing, considering where we are, i dont think theres such a thing as "the same time" for us
35824	JOHN: heh. that's true.
35825	JOHN: do you think the afterlife is just fucking with us, jade?
35826	JADE: maybe...
35827	JADE: but its probably more like the way it used to be with the clouds in skaia
35828	JADE: they didnt always show you things, but when they did they were selective about what they would let you see
35829	JADE: like they would make sure you saw whatever you needed to see to make sure things would go the right way
35830	JADE: i always thought i knew so much, but in retrospect they gave me only a tiny glimpse of the big picture!
35831	JOHN: that is so infuriating!
35832	JADE: i guess!
35833	JADE: it never felt that way when all i was doing was looking up at some clouds
35834	JADE: i was happy to see whatever was there
35835	JADE: but i guess its different in a situation like this
35836	JADE: when you miss your friends, and you kind of wish the dream bubbles would play along
35837	JOHN: yeah.
35838	JOHN: oh well.
35839	JOHN: i guess it's only two more years.
35840	JOHN: what do you think they will be like by then?
35841	JOHN: do you think karkat will have driven them all insane?
35842	JADE: heheh, probably!
35843	JOHN: or maybe they will all be better friends with each other than they are with us.
35844	JADE: hmmm
35845	JADE: well look at it this way
35846	JADE: by the end of our trip, will YOU be better friends with a bunch of salamanders than you are with rose and dave?
35847	JOHN: i don't know. there ARE some pretty charming salamanders on this ship.
35848	JADE: that is true
35849	JOHN: but you know what i mean. things have a way of changing.
35850	JOHN: like, have you thought at all about what it's going to be like when you see dave again?
35851	JOHN: i mean, after the way things are going with you and dave sprite?
35852	JADE: umm
35853	JADE: what do you mean the way things are going?
35854	JOHN: jade, please.
35855	JADE: what!
35856	JOHN: *sigh*
35857	JOHN: you are not fooling anyone with your coy shenanigans.
35858	JADE: what has he been telling you??
35859	JOHN: nothing!! do you really think he would talk about any of that with me?
35860	JOHN: there are just some obvious conclusions a guy is going to make about stuff.
35861	JADE: well...
35862	JADE: i guess i dont know whats going on with that
35863	JOHN: hm.
35864	JADE: i really dont!!!
35865	JOHN: alright, fair enough.
35866	JADE: um
35867	JADE: what
35868	JADE: do you think he would think about that?
35869	JOHN: huh?
35870	JADE: the other dave
35871	JADE: i mean
35872	JADE: hypothetically
35873	JOHN: ah HA! so you HAVE thought about it!
35874	JADE: im only wondering because you brought it up!!!!!!
35875	JOHN: yes. yes i did.
35876	JADE: then what do you think?
35877	JOHN: i have no idea. we would probably never find out one way or the other, regardless.
35878	JADE: maybe
35879	JADE: well
35880	JADE: what about you john?
35881	JOHN: what about me even?
35882	JADE: remember how you told me how karkat kept sort of trying to set you up with rose?
35883	JOHN: yes.
35884	JADE: you told me this on more than one occasion if i recall!
35885	JOHN: what is your point!
35886	JADE: well, i have kind of wondered to myself if you kept bringing that up because on some level you wanted that to be true...
35887	JOHN: oh man.
35888	JOHN: jade, listen.
35889	JOHN: at this point i could not give less of a rat's ass about romancey stuff!
35890	JOHN: i would rather just play some games, and chill out for several years on this magical flying boat. is that too much to ask?
35891	JADE: not at all! that is perfectly fine
35892	JOHN: when i catch up with our buddies, i'm sure i will give rose a nice, FRIENDLY hug.
35893	JADE: aww
35894	JOHN: whereas i will offer dave a tender bro embrace, and shove karkat down a flight of friendship stairs.
35895	JADE: heheheheh
35896	JOHN: but that is IT.
35897	JOHN: it's all very complicated and bothersome, jade.
35898	JADE: what?
35899	JOHN: you know. matters of the heart.
35900	JADE: *snicker*
35901	JOHN: ok, you may laugh at my choice of words, but it is true.
35902	JOHN: it's really befuddling and distracting when you are on a major quest to make universes out of frogs. who even needs it?
35903	JADE: i guess you have a point
35904	JOHN: like...
35905	JOHN: you remember that troll girl who was sort of into me?
35906	JADE: mm hm
35907	JOHN: well, ok.
35908	JOHN: that seemed like a pretty big deal at the time!
35909	JOHN: it really seemed like she liked me, but also, she was *probably* insane?
35910	JOHN: like, i mean, in a trollish, murderous kind of way.
35911	JADE: yikes
35912	JOHN: but craziness notwithstanding, i didn't really know what to think.
35913	JOHN: i guess i thought she was cool at the time. i was honestly kind of flummoxed about it.
35914	JOHN: but the point is, when all was said and done, that was just some stuff that happened over one day, which was a whole year ago already.
35915	JOHN: i barely even remember what we talked about. by the time we meet up, she probably won't give a shit about me at all.
35916	JOHN: which, let's face it, is probably for the best.
35917	JADE: .....
35918	JOHN: i think we make things more meaningful in our head when they're happening than they really are. like realistically? there were probably a lot of things that went on that day that didn't mean that much.
35919	JOHN: like remember how you said you thought karkat was getting this silly angry crush on you?
35920	JADE: that was just my hunch
35921	JOHN: yeah.
35922	JOHN: i mean, do you really think after three years he is still going to have the rage hots for you?
35923	JADE: i sincerely doubt it
35924	JADE: at least
35925	JADE: i hope not ._.
35926	JOHN: i don't think even he is that crazy.
35927	JOHN: anyway, my point is, who even cares about all that?
35928	JOHN: romance and dating are dumb and boring. we are legendary heroes, and we have bigger fish to fry. like that smug fatass over there on the horizon.
35929	JOHN: he sure looks pleased with himself. just look at him, he thinks he is the undisputed king of that mountain or something.
35930	JADE: that is so outrageous
35931	JOHN: follow me so we can seize the high ground against this hideous ocean dwelling marshmallow man, and steal all of his treasure.
35932	JADE: after you!
35933	JASPERSPRITE: Ahem.
35934	JOHN: jaspers, holy shit, another cake?
35935	JASPERSPRITE: :3
35936	JOHN: but there are still all these others we haven't touched.
35937	JOHN: nanna is really baking up a storm today.
35938	JASPERSPRITE: Aheh-heh-heh-heh-heh-hem.
35939	JASPERSPRITE: Meoooooow. <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/musicnote.png" border="0" />
35940	JADE: grrr...
35941	JOHN: jaspers, whoa, what are you doing?
35942	JASPERSPRITE: Meow meow-meow meow meow meeeooooow. <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/musicnote.png" border="0" />
35943	JASPERSPRITE: Meow meow-meow meow MEOW MEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOW. <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/musicnote.png" border="0" />
35944	JOHN: jaspers, no!!!
35945	JOHN: it's fine if you want to sing me the birthday song, but for the love of god, don't MEOW it!!!!!
35946	JOHN: you're going to rile her up!
35947	JASPERSPRITE: Meow meow-MEOW meow meow JO-OHHHHHN. <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/musicnote.png" border="0" />
35948	JADE: grrrrrrrrrrr
35949	JOHN: no jade, come on, PLEASE settle down.
35950	JADE: i cant help it!
35951	JADE: grrrr...
35952	JADE: dammit!
35953	JADE: im really not mad at him, i swear!
35954	JASPERSPRITE: MEOW MEOW-MEEEOOOW MEEOOWW MEOW MEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOW. <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/musicnote.png" border="0" />
35955	JADE: WOOF!!!
35956	JOHN: oh my god.
35957	JADE: WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF!
35958	JASPERSPRITE: Hisssssssssssssssssssssssssssss!
35959	JOHN: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh!
35960	MEENAH: hey you
35961	MEENAH: god tier boy
35962	MEENAH: water you doin there blue boy
35963	MEENAH: )(-EY
35964	MEENAH: IM TALKING TO YOU
35965	MEENAH: yes you
35966	MEENAH: the dork in the pajamas
35967	MEENAH: ok the OT)(-ER dork in pajamas
35968	MEENAH: be all a pajama party up in here today
35969	JOHN: hi.
35970	JOHN: which troll are you?
35971	MEENAH: which troll am i
35972	MEENAH: im the best troll dummy
35973	MEENAH: now get away from her she is mine
35974	JOHN: uh...
35975	MEENAH: ive been hunting her for a whale now
35976	JOHN: for a whale?
35977	JOHN: what does that mean?
35978	MEENAH: its a fish pun
35979	MEENAH: sayin fish puns is obviously kind of this thing i do stupid G-ET WIT)( T)(-E PROGRAM
35980	JOHN: oh, right.
35981	JOHN: i thought it sounded kind of... fishy!
35982	MEENAH: ooooh thats a good one
35983	MEENAH: not
35984	MEENAH: now beat it
35985	JOHN: you must be the sea troll, i heard about you.
35986	JOHN: but i'm pretty sure we never talked.
35987	JOHN: have you by any chance seen vriska around? or karkat?
35988	MEENAH: who the fuck are they
35989	JOHN: um... your troll friends?
35990	MEENAH: werent no friends of mine if i never heard of em
35991	MEENAH: do you see this golden pointy deal here
35992	JOHN: yes.
35993	MEENAH: i was gonna use it to poke some holes in that girl there and see what happens
35994	MEENAH: so clamscray
35995	JOHN: oh no...
35996	JOHN: why would you do that!
35997	MEENAH: for the halibut
35998	JOHN: uh. what?
35999	MEENAH: halibut hell of it
36000	MEENAH: ok that one wasnt that awesome
36001	MEENAH: i thought i told you to clamscray
36002	JOHN: i'm not sure what clamscray means either. you mean go away?
36003	MEENAH: holy mother glubbing mackerel you are a fucking idiot
36004	MEENAH: well if youre not gonna go
36005	MEENAH: maybe you can at least tell me somefin
36006	JOHN: what?
36007	MEENAH: this is the afterlife isnt it
36008	MEENAH: which means
36009	MEENAH: im D-EAD
36010	MEENAH: right
36011	JOHN: yes. well, it's a dream bubble.
36012	JOHN: so yeah, you are probably a ghost.
36013	MEENAH: I KN-EW IT
36014	MEENAH: hahahaha yessssss
36015	JOHN: you're excited to be dead?
36016	MEENAH: excited hmm
36017	MEENAH: now that you mention it
36018	MEENAH: yes
36019	MEENAH: i am pretty
36020	MEENAH: flippin
36021	MEENAH: -EXCIT------ED
36022	JOHN: why?
36023	MEENAH: because
36024	MEENAH: it means my plan worked
36025	JOHN: what plan?
36026	MEENAH: why would i tell a hornless dork like you somefin like that
36027	JOHN: i dunno.
36028	JOHN: just curious about your spooky ghost plan is all.
36029	MEENAH: im curious about why a couple of freaks like you were sent to welcome me to hell
36030	MEENAH: water you demons or somefin
36031	MEENAH: pretty lame demons if you ask me
36032	MEENAH: way too frondly and stupid
36033	JOHN: no, we're humans.
36034	JOHN: by which i mean aliens, i guess.
36035	MEENAH: so like
36036	MEENAH: youre dead aliens huh
36037	MEENAH: whoever heard of an alien ghost
36038	JOHN: i know, right? that's what i think sometimes.
36039	JOHN: it's strange combination of sci-fi things. like alien stuff is all about science, right? at least it is in movies. aliens LOVE science. but then ghosts have nothing to do with science, they belong to the supernatural realms, which have more to do with religion i guess? or about a lot of hocus pocus and superstition, maybe even magic. science rarely enters the equation, unless it's something awesome like ghost busters, which makes ghosts and stuff ALL ABOUT science, even though the ghost science is obviously a bunch of total nonsense. i guess contact mixes aliens and ghosts because jodie foster saw her ghost dad in outer space? but then, that was probably just a science projection from an alien, to make her feel less sad about her dead dad, and not a real ghost or anything. i guess the lesson is that science and aliens teach us that ghosts and religion are fake? although, it turns out ghosts and aliens are actually real, so maybe science and religion have been lying to us all along. *shrug*
36040	MEENAH: nerd
36041	JOHN: um.
36042	JOHN: yeah, sorry.
36043	MEENAH: so the girl
36044	MEENAH: she like your matesprit or whatever
36045	JOHN: what?
36046	JOHN: ha, no, i don't even know her.
36047	JOHN: i kinda thought you knew who she was?
36048	MEENAH: dont know who she is but i know W)(AT she is
36049	MEENAH: shes done
36050	JOHN: huh?
36051	MEENAH: ever do any baking nerd
36052	JOHN: yeah, a little...
36053	MEENAH: then you know -EXACTLY what you do with somefin thats done
36054	MEENAH: you stick a fork in it
36055	MEENAH: S-E--------------------E
36056	JOHN: no!!!
36057	MEENAH: better think fast suckafish
36058	JOHN: snoozing mystery girl, look out!!!
36059	DAVE: whoa is that john
36060	KARKAT: YEAH, I THINK IT IS.
36061	DAVE: what the hell is going on
36062	KARKAT: OH SHIT
36063	KARKAT: JOHN WATCH OUT!!!!!!
36064	KARKAT: WELL, FUCK.
36065	KARKAT: LOOKS LIKE HE'S STILL AN IDIOT.
36066	AG: Hahahahahahahaha!
36067	AG: Aaaaaaaa haaaaaaaa haaaaaaaa haaaaaaaa haaa........ man, fuck this.
36068	AG: It's a real pain in the ass typing out long victorious laughs with only one hand, you know?
36069	AG: Gonna have to patch this thing up somehow. May8e I'll pay a visit to my neigh8or a little l8er.
36070	AG: Getting my arm fixed nearly ought to 8e worth enduring the stench. Aw yeah. Sick 8urn from outta nowhere. Take that, Zahhak.
36071	AG: Haha! NEIGH8or. I can't 8elieve I only thought of that now! I 8et he'll get kick out of that.
36072	AG: I 8et you even more he won't laugh though. What a 8oring piece of shit.
36073	AG: I know YOU would think it's funny though. Right Terezi?
36074	AG: Man, I sure am glad this little feud of ours is 8asically over. We're totally even!
36075	AG: Now we can just go 8ack to 8eing friends, and things will 8e gr8.
36076	AG: Hmmmmmmmm........
36077	AG: Hahahaha! You won't 8elieve this, 8ut it only occurred to me now that you won't even 8e a8le to read this!
36078	AG: Even if you do somehow manage to stum8le 8ack to your hive........ you're 8lind now! Whoooooooops.
36079	AG: It would 8e a real shame if we couldn't 8ury the hatchet and 8e gr8 friends again 8ecause of a stupid 8ullshit reason like that.
36080	AG: Oh, I know.
36081	AG: May8e I'll mindjack some random chump and send him to your hive so he can read my messages to you out loud!
36082	AG: What a perfect solution. He can 8e your assisted living slave.
36083	AG: I would have had the perfect candid8 all lined up, 8ut he recently lost the use of his legs unfortun8ly. Oh well, I'll just roll with the punches like I always do and find someone else.
36084	AG: Just say the word, and I'll make him do whatever you want! Read my awesome notes to you, hang some more plush dragons from your tree, pre-chew your food........
36085	AG: Well, may8e not pre-chew it, since I didn't exactly knock your teeth out, did I?
36086	AG: May8e more like pre-look-at your food, to make sure there are 8ugs in it.
36087	AG: See, isn't it gr8 when we're helping each other out instead of maiming each other repeatedly?
36088	AG: This is how it should 8e 8etween Scourge Sisters. All the maimings and 8acksta88ings should 8e saved for the friends and foes who get in our way, don't you think?
36089	AG: Hey, what do you want to do for our next campaign, 8tw?
36090	AG: We can take the next one easy. I'll try to think of something 8etter suited to your new disa8ility!
36091	AG: I mean, I've ALREADY pretty much nixed anything involving stairs, 8ecause of Tavros. Lol.
36092	AG: 8n't no one can say I'm not willing to meet people half way!!!!!!!!
36093	AG: Whew........
36094	AG: I'm losing a lot of 8lood here.
36095	AG: Good thing I seem to have a ton of the stuff. We high8loods are made of some pretty tough shit.
36096	AG: What a fucking mess, though. Not really looking forward to cleaning this up.
36097	AG: I've got to say, your prank was pretty good. Still not sure how you pulled it off. Pretty inconvenient though!
36098	AG: It's too 8ad you're not going to get to read this for a while, if ever. We could 8e 8onding over the gr8 pranks we just pulled on each other!
36099	AG: Oh well.
36100	AG: Guess I'll take off. 8efore I drop dead like some kind of loser and you never get to hear from me again.
36101	AG: See you around, sis.
36102	GC: WOW
36103	GC: 1 C4NT B3L13V3 1 4LMOST FORGOT
36104	GC: WH4T 4 COMPL3T3LY CR4ZY B1TCH YOU W3R3
36105	AG: Hey now!
36106	AG: What kind of attitude is that to 8ring into this memory?
36107	GC: OH
36108	GC: Y34H
36109	GC: SORRY >:[
36110	AG: Easy, there.
36111	AG: No need to waste good remorse on such a trivial exchange.
36112	AG: I am only reminding you,
36113	AG: That if you 8ring too much 8aggage from the past into the memory, it is dou8tful your experience will 8e either therapeutic or cathartic.
36114	GC: UH
36115	GC: WH4T
36116	AG: You were the one who invoked this memory after all.
36117	AG: Isn't this why you are here? Is it not what you have 8een hoping for and fretting you may find since your journey 8egan?
36118	AG: A chance to say you are sorry?
36119	GC: VR1SK4
36120	GC: YOU SOUND R34LLY D1FF3R3NT
36121	GC: WH4T H4PP3N3D TO YOU OUT H3R3?
36122	AG: Sorry for the ruse.
36123	AG: Though it isn't as far from the truth as it possi8ly could 8e, I am not who you think I am.
36124	GC: >:?
36125	AG: I of course needed to visit you through a memory, and interestingly, this is the one you gave me.
36126	AG: No ill will or upsetting hijinks were intended.
36127	GC: WHO 4R3 YOU?
36128	AG: Aranea.
36129	GC: OK
36130	GC: 4ND??
36131	AG: And I am your friend's ancestor.
36132	AG: In fact, I am yours too, in a way.
36133	GC: R34LLY??
36134	AG: Yes. Though not quite how you are picturing.
36135	AG: She had an ancestor whom she was aware of, and technically that is who I am.
36136	AG: That is to say, she is who I would have 8ecome on your world, had I arrived in her place. Alas, I did not.
36137	AG: She was a figure in your history who preceded you 8y thousands of solar sweeps.
36138	AG: Whereas I preceded your entire civilization 8y 8illions.
36139	GC: >:o
36140	GC: 1 DONT G3T 1T
36141	AG: That's ok. There is plenty of time to sort it all out.
36142	AG: I've 8een keeping an eye on you all for quite a while. Your whole planet, actually. It was very interesting this time around, to say the least.
36143	AG: It even had a different name! "Alternia." Haha. How heavy handed can you get?
36144	AG: The man responsi8le was a 8it of a wise guy. He rewrote everything. He had a knack for overzealous storytelling, which is a harmless enough ha8it usually. I'm guilty of it myself sometimes.
36145	AG: 8ut it is not so harmless when the perpetrator is omniscient and omnipotent.
36146	GC: OMN1SC13NT?
36147	GC: YOU M34N
36148	GC: MR M1LKSH4K3???
36149	AG: That's right.
36150	AG: 8ut he's dead now, and his story is over. The 8ook on our universe is closed, 8oth for my instance and yours.
36151	AG: This 8eing the case, I thought it was the right time to introduce myself. The com8ined work of my group and yours is unfinished, and the outcome has not 8een assured.
36152	AG: The true ultimate reward has yet to 8e achieved. No safe haven has 8een created that is free from the devastation caused 8y Mr. Milkshake's grand deception.
36153	AG: Our race still teeters on extinction. The mem8ers of your party, and one noteworthy fugitive, are the sole survivors.
36154	AG: We must work together to create that haven and restore our race, so that the sacrifices we all made will not 8e in vain.
36155	AG: 8ut in order to repair the unthinka8le damage that has 8een done, we need to allow ourselves the chance to heal first.
36156	AG: Old wounds, old regrets. They will serve no purpose on the rest of your journey.
36157	GC: R3GR3TS
36158	GC: 4R3 YOU T4LK1NG 4BOUT M3 4ND VR1SK4?
36159	AG: Sure. You have to start somewhere.
36160	GC: DO YOU KNOW WH3R3 SH3 1S?
36161	AG: Not at the moment.
36162	AG: 8ut the more time you spend here, the more likely it is you will find whomever you are looking for.
36163	AG: On the other hand, if it is the unknowa8le will of the gods, you may dance around each other indefinitely as you pass through this space. It is hard to say.
36164	GC: OH
36165	GC: OK TH3N
36166	GC: 1M NOT SUR3 WH3TH3R TO B3 R3L13V3D OR FRUSTR4T3D BY TH4T
36167	AG: Well, if she had 8een dwelling in this 8u88le like you thought, what would you want to say to her?
36168	AG: Surely you would not have just argued a8out the past.
36169	GC: NO
36170	GC: 1 ST1LL DONT KNOW WH4T 1 WOULD S4Y TO H3R
36171	AG: Then what would you say to me?
36172	GC: 1 WOULD S4Y
36173	GC: 3V3N THOUGH SH3 D1D SOM3 B4D TH1NGS 4ND W4S TOT4LLY 1MPOSS1BL3 MOST OF TH3 T1M3
36174	GC: 1 W1SH SH3 W4SNT D34D
36175	GC: 1S 1T W31RD TO M1SS SOM3BODY WHO D1D NOTH1NG BUT C4US3 PROBL3MS?
36176	AG: No. I can empathize.
36177	AG: She was a serious trou8lemaker in your party. Many player groups have to deal with those.
36178	AG: I feel as though we had one of the worst cases in our party. 8ut when all was said and done, she was still our friend.
36179	GC: 1 K33P WOND3R1NG 1F TH3R3 W4S 4NOTH3R W4Y
36180	GC: SOM3TH1NG OTH3R TH4N L3TT1NG H3R GO, OR K1LL1NG H3R
36181	GC: 1 TRY TO R3M3MB3R WH4T 1 S4W WH3N 1 LOOK3D 1NTO TH3 VORT1C3S OF POSS1B1L1TY
36182	GC: 4ND 1 JUST C4NT R3M3MB3R 4NYTH1NG B3S1D3S THOS3 OPT1ONS
36183	GC: 3V3N 1F THOS3 OTH3R CHO1C3S WOULD H4V3 R3SULT3D 1N D34TH FOR 3V3RYON3
36184	GC: W4S TH4T R34LLY 4LL 1 W4S C4P4BL3 OF?
36185	GC: 31TH3R LOS1NG TH3 N3RV3 TO GO THROUGH W1TH 1T, OR ST4BB1NG H3R 1N TH3 B4CK, 4ND NOTH1NG 3LS3?
36186	AG: At that moment, perhaps.
36187	AG: You know very well the channels of possi8ility at that exact juncture resulted from her decision paths as well as yours.
36188	AG: 8ut even so, when it comes to your key decisions, the possi8ilities are pro8a8ly fewer and more discrete than you have presumed.
36189	AG: Otherwise you would not see results consolidated into those vortices, would you? Possi8ility would resem8le an enormous hazy field of infinitely su8tle variations and micro-choices.
36190	AG: Imagine if at that moment you truly were capa8le of anything, no matter how outlandish, a8surd, or patently fruitless. How would this vast amount of information present itself to you through your senses? What difference would it make in your final decision if all other tri8utaries of whim spilled into the same decaying future? And what would this make of your agency as a hero meant to learn and grow?
36191	AG: Look at it this way. Imagine that over the course of someone's life, they are truly capa8le of every conceiva8le action at any moment, and did indeed take each of those actions in different 8ranching realities. Doesn't a scenario like that deaden a person's agency just as much as one where their fate is decidedly etched in stone as a single path of unavoida8le decisions? Who exactly is that person who can and does take all conceiva8le actions, other than someone perfectly generic, who only appears to have unique predilections and motives when you examine the ar8itrary path they happen to occupy?
36192	GC: UM
36193	GC: 1 DONT KNOW
36194	AG: Pardon the esoteric tangent. These are my instincts as a Hero of Light kicking in. It's hard for us to resist prattling on a8out matters like this.
36195	GC: OH GOD
36196	GC: L1K3 ROS3
36197	GC: Y34H SH3 N3V3R SHUTS UP 4BOUT 1T
36198	GC: NO OFF3NS3 >:]
36199	AG: ::::)
36200	AG: You may seek to understand your decisions and look for justice in their consequences. You may wonder why honora8le choices from the innocent are punished 8y 8anishment to a timeline in which everyone dies and all is gradually dissolved.
36201	AG: It helps to understand your role, not just as a hero who must overcome, 8ut as a single capillary within a much larger 8ioexistential system.
36202	AG: Think of it like circulatory system, where the veins and capillaries that do not help the overall flow of 8lood through the system are likely to wither and die. Those are doomed offshoots.
36203	AG: Reality itself is using you and many others to propagate its own existence. Strictly speaking, there is only one path to its successful propagation. 8ut it still permits you to make choices. Not all that are conceiva8le, 8ut some nevertheless, as dictated 8y who you are and the challenges you face. And you are free to make key decisions however you like, as long as you understand that some of these paths unfairly or not will lead to o8livion. 8ecause those choices do not contri8ute constructively to the perpetuation of all existence, including your own.
36204	AG: Such is the 8urden assumed 8y anyone who plays this game.
36205	GC: Y34H
36206	GC: 1 GU3SS 1 UND3RSTOOD SOM3 OF TH4T, BUT N3V3R QU1T3 PUT 1T 4LL TOG3TH3R TH4T W4Y
36207	GC: 1 DONT TH1NK 1 W4S 4 GR34T S33R OF M1ND
36208	AG: Well, you aren't finished 8eing one, are you?
36209	GC: M3H
36210	GC: 1 DONT TH1NK OF MYS3LF TH4T W4Y 4NYMOR3
36211	GC: 1 US3D TO F33L L1K3 SOM3 PR3TTY HOT SH1T!
36212	GC: D1R3CT1NG B4TTL3 TR4FF1C 4G41NST TH3 K1NG, 4ND 4LL FL1PP1NG CO1NS 1N P3OPL3S F4C3S 4ND STUFF
36213	GC: 1T S33MS S1LLY NOW. 1 DONT TH1NK 1 3V3R KN3W WH4T 1 W4S DO1NG
36214	GC: WH3N 1 CONFRONT3D H3R, 4ND 1T W4S T1M3 TO M4K3 UP MY M1ND
36215	GC: 1 THOUGHT 1 H4D 1T 4LL F1GUR3D OUT, L1K3 TH1S W4S WH4T 1 H4D TO DO. NOT JUST TO S4V3 3V3RYBODY, BUT 4S SOM3 STUP1D R1T3 OF P4SS4G3 OR SOM3TH1NG?
36216	GC: TH3N 1T C4M3 T1M3 TO DO 1T, 4ND 1T W4S 4LL H4PP3N1NG SO F4ST...
36217	GC: 4ND 1 FORC3D MY OWN H4ND. 1 COULD 31TH3R L3T 3V3RYON3 D13 1N ON3 R34L1TY, OR K1LL 4 FR13ND 1N 4NOTH3R
36218	GC: 4ND 1 T3LL MYS3LF THOS3 W3R3 TH3 ONLY TWO VORT1C3S 1 S4W...
36219	GC: BUT TH3N, 1 W4S TH3 ON3 WHO M4D3 TH3 S3R13S OF D3C1S1ONS WH1CH L3D UP TO TH4T CHO1C3, 4ND COMPL3T3LY P41NT3D TH3 OPT1ONS 1NTO TH4T CORN3R
36220	GC: 4NYW4Y
36221	GC: 1 JUST W1SH 1 COULD T3LL H3R TH4T
36222	AG: Which one would you tell it to?
36223	GC: HUH?
36224	AG: The one who fought with Noir, or the one who didn't?
36225	GC: OH
36226	GC: 1 M34N
36227	GC: 1 GU3SS 31TH3R?
36228	GC: BUT 1 W4S TH1NK1NG MOR3 4BOUT TH3 ON3 WHOS3 D34TH 1M 4CTU4LLY R3SPONS1BL3 FOR
36229	AG: Ah.
36230	AG: Well, this could either 8e my experience as an ancient ghost talking, or the perspective I am naturally given to as a Light player,
36231	AG: 8ut aren't you equally responsi8le for 8oth?
36232	GC: >:\
36233	GC: 1 GU3SS
36234	AG: I can see why you would feel more responsi8ility for one than the other.
36235	AG: My perspective is informed 8y my class and aspect. It was to my advantage as a healer to see things a little differently. To find equanimity across many different outcomes.
36236	GC: OH?
36237	AG: There's more to the realization of our roles than gaining flashy powers.
36238	AG: And there's more to healing than repairing 8attle damage.
36239	AG: You killed a friend and you understanda8ly feel regret.
36240	AG: 8ut it's done. She is gone and you are still here.
36241	AG: Now what?
36242	GC: ...
36243	AG: You could look for a8solution through rationalization. Everyone would have died if you didn't take action, so why trou8le yourself with guilty emotion?
36244	AG: 8ut there is no real healing power in 8elieving that. And I don't think it's what you wanted to tell yourself anyway, is it?
36245	GC: NOT R34LLY
36246	AG: Or what a8out through renunciation of responsi8ility? If you were just a tool used 8y reality to perpetuate itself, where is the 8lame?
36247	AG: 8ut that would 8e another empty idea that has no power to heal.
36248	GC: Y34H
36249	GC: 1V3 TR13D R4T1ON4L1Z1NG STUFF TH4T W4Y
36250	GC: DO3SNT R34LLY H3LP
36251	AG: You've 8een lead to 8elieve such acts of violence are natural for your kind, and that if you're upset 8y the consequences then something is wrong with you.
36252	AG: 8ut it isn't as natural as you might think. That conditioning was a part of Milkshake's long con.
36253	AG: Violence was respected and cele8rated on your world, 8ut remorse was rarely felt and pain could never heal due to such empty justifications. We died out a wounded race, and you are all that's left.
36254	AG: The process of healing first involves sifting through what it isn't, which happens to 8e almost everything your trou8led mind has to offer.
36255	GC: TH3N WH4T DO 1 DO?
36256	GC: WH4TS TH3 4NSW3R?
36257	AG: There isn't one.
36258	AG: It takes time, and is only accelerated 8y looking at things honestly.
36259	AG: This is what I did as a Sylph of Light. Helped people see things.
36260	AG: I could even perform the feat literally, if you wanted.
36261	GC: WHO4 WH4T?
36262	AG: It's up to you of course.
36263	GC: HMM
36264	GC: TH4NKS FOR 4SK1NG
36265	GC: BUT 1D R4TH3R JUST ST4Y TH1S W4Y
36266	GC: L34RN1NG TO S3NS3 TH1NGS TH1S W4Y W4S TH3 ONLY CONN3CT1ON 1 3V3R H4D W1TH MY LUSUS B3FOR3 SH3 D13D
36267	GC: 1T R3M1NDS M3 OF H3R
36268	GC: TH4T PROB4BLY SOUNDS DUMB THOUGH
36269	AG: Not at all. That's a very good reason.
36270	AG: I thought the polite thing to do was at least offer.
36271	GC: 1TS COOL TH4T YOU W4NT TO H3LP H34L M3 4ND 4LL
36272	GC: BUT
36273	GC: 1 ST1LL DONT R34LLY KNOW 4NYTH1NG 4BOUT YOU
36274	GC: OTH3R TH4N TH4T YOU S33M L1K3 SOM3 SORT OF MUCH N1C3R VR1SK4
36275	GC: WH3R3 W3R3 YOU FROM 4G41N? 4LT3RN14 B3FOR3 V4N1LL4 M1LKSH4K3 N4M3D 1T TH4T?
36276	AG: Yes. 8ut in a different universe instance, I often refer to as A1. The shorthand helps avoid confusion, trust me.
36277	AG: My group of twelve played the game, 8ut failed. It overwhelmed us. A lot went wrong. The reckoning destroyed our 8attlefield well 8efore we had any hope of winning.
36278	AG: I sought advice from Echidna, and she told me how to scratch the session to give us another chance.
36279	AG: 8ut the choice to do so came with accepting the annihilation of our existing forms. In the new instance, we would lead completely different lives with no memory of what happened.
36280	AG: So we did, and created A2. Your instance, your world, and your game in which we were all inexplica8ly created in the first place.
36281	AG: As I said, this time around the world was........ interesting.
36282	GC: TH4T'S WH3N TROLLS B3C4M3 T3RR1BL3?
36283	AG: Not all of you.
36284	AG: Some had lessons from the old world to teach others. 8ut few ever heard them.
36285	GC: SO 1N YOUR T1M3, 3V3RYON3 W4S 4S N1C3 4S YOU?
36286	AG: Not exactly. 8ut life was pretty mild and uneventful.
36287	AG: I'm not even sure if I was especially nice, 8y our standards.
36288	AG: Mostly kind of 8oring.
36289	AG: No8ody from my party liked me a whole lot.
36290	AG: I think I talked too much, and had a ha8it of 8ringing conversations 8ack around to myself.
36291	AG: Not that it matters anymore, 8ut it was not the 8est way to make friends.
36292	GC: H3H3H3H3. YOU R34LLY 4R3 L1K3 4 N1C3 VR1SK4
36293	GC: 1 DUNNO, 1 W4S FR13NDS W1TH H3R 4ND SH3 D1D 4LMOST NOTH1NG BUT T4LK 4BOUT H3RS3LF
36294	GC: 1M PR3TTY SUR3 YOU 4ND 1 WOULD H4V3 B33N GOOD FR13NDS TOO!
36295	AG: Thanks!
36296	AG: It goes to show, just 8ecause your race is peaceful doesn't mean you don't have pro8lems.
36297	AG: I used to fantasize a8out 8eing someone really outgoing and dramatic.
36298	AG: Someone who had the confidence do whatever she wanted, like go on the most outrageous adventures without caring what anyone thought a8out her.
36299	AG: Like someone from a 8ook, you know?
36300	GC: Y3S!
36301	GC: 1 US3D TO TH1NK 4BOUT TH4T 4 LOT TOO >:]
36302	AG: It turned out I actually got what I wanted after the reset. Unfortunately it came along with our people's enslavement and near extinction.
36303	AG: Not that I really got to live as her, exactly. 8ut at least I got a chance to follow her life. And it was a very long life.
36304	AG: 8eing here for ages has its 8enefits.
36305	GC: 3X4CTLY HOW LONG H4V3 YOU 4LL B33N L1V1NG 1N DR34M BUBBL3S?
36306	GC: OR 1 M34N...
36307	GC: NOT L1V1NG
36308	AG: It has 8een a very long time.
36309	AG: So long, time has 8een stripped of the meaning it never really had in the first place.
36310	AG: It doesn't really pass in the same way it does when you're alive. Concepts like "now" and "how long" are figures of speech used to make communication simpler.
36311	AG: I've quit trying to give expression to the elusive temporal properties of this place. It's easier staying conversational.
36312	AG: 8ut I will say that 8eing here "for so long" lends itself to a certain detachment from what you see. Otherwise, monitoring the atrocities stemming from our failure wouldn't 8e much fun.
36313	GC: DO YOU M1SS YOUR WORLD 4S MUCH 4S 1 DO?
36314	AG: Yes, sometimes.
36315	AG: 8ut missing it usually invites memories of home to serve as the stage.
36316	AG: Not that it's a su8stitute for the previous reality. 8ut the reminders of home are everywhere.
36317	GC: WH4T 4BOUT YOUR FR13NDS? 1 GU3SS YOU ST1LL G3T TO H4NG OUT W1TH TH3M 4LL?
36318	AG: Yes. I see them often enough.
36319	AG: Except for one, whom I haven't seen at all since 8efore we all died.
36320	AG: In fact, she's the only reason we are here in the first place, as opposed to merely ceasing to exist upon the scratch.
36321	AG: In life, she was the only one I would have called a close friend, in a way.
36322	AG: The thing is, no8ody liked her much either. We had that in common. ::::)
36323	GC: WOW, 1TS B33N TH4T LONG S1NC3 YOU S4W H3R?
36324	AG: Remem8er how I said the gods could keep you dancing around someone you're looking for indefinitely?
36325	GC: Y34H BUT...
36326	GC: B1LL1ONS OF SW33PS??
36327	AG: Well, "8illions," yes. In a manner of speaking.
36328	GC: 1S SH3 BY 4NY CH4NC3 TH3 TROUBL3M4K3R YOU W3R3 T4LK1NG 4BOUT?
36329	AG: That's right. In fact, we are on our way to visit her now.
36330	GC: OH
36331	GC: SO TH4TS WH3R3 TH1S BR4NCH 1S T4K1NG US!
36332	AG: Notice the moon up there?
36333	AG: And not the larger green interloper. That one never 8elonged to my world. It is your memory, not mine.
36334	GC: Y34H TH3 CUT3 L1TTL3 BUBBL3GUM MOONS! TH4TS WH3R3 SH3 1S?
36335	AG: It's the setting of the memory she entered.
36336	AG: From her perspective, she has just arrived here.
36337	AG: Your friends should 8e joining us too, 8efore your meteor clears the 8u88le.
36338	AG: May8e together we can 8ring the Thief of Life up to speed.
36339	Oh SHIT.
36340	How can he be here already?
36341	Why did I not see this coming?
36342	The dude is ALWAYS already here.
36343	When it comes to being here, already is practically all he ever is.
36344	Ok, time to stop babbling and think. Think, imagination! Argh, the one time I really need you!!
36345	Oh no, Slick!!!
36346	Slick, he's come here to finish you off! We have got to hide you somewhere. Now that Rufio is gone, you are my only friend.
36347	Oh, you're good company too, humanimal butler who may or may not be Aurthour. I didn't mean nothin' by it.
36348	What's that, Slick? Oh, yeah, Ms. Paint too of course. That's a little different. Hey! What do you mean "so what's her story, is she available?" No, she is not available!
36349	And just what do you mean by THAT? No, she will not be available "soon" either!
36350	Hey, get back in bed. I'm trying to save your ass here. Go ahead, stab all you want. Like your stupid curmudgeonly shankings aren't so totally played out already.
36351	Shh...
36352	Oh my god, the footsteps. That horrible peg leg on my hardwood floors. He's coming...
36353	There's no time to lose, we've got to get you out of here!
36354	HUP
36355	Now if I can just go grab Ms. Paint and sneak out the back door before it's too...
36356	Are you kidding me? He's already here AGAIN? Talk about a one trick pony.
36357	Fine.
36358	We settle this NOW.
36359	What's that, English? You look nervous. Could it be you weren't expecting me to know your only vulnerability? You have underestimated my omniscience almost as badly as I overestimate it as a matter of daily routine. Your reign of terror comes to an end here, on this balcony overlooking an enchanted cliffscape host to innumerable gorgeous stallions. How ironic, that your very demise would be in the proximity of some horses. What? You didn't follow that? Just think it over. Think it over...
36360	WHILE YOU DIE SHIT SHIT SHIT, OH SHIT. FUCK. SHIT SHIT FUCK, I FORGOT.
36361	What kind of fucking idiot keeps his deudly white magnum loaded with only one tiny cueball??? God damn you, Scratch.
36362	Ok, that gun looks super deudly. Way deudlier than the one I just threw at you, and I am probably screwed. But there is one thing you probably WEREN'T counting on, and that thing is magic being REAL.
36363	God I hope magic is real...
36364	Please let magic be real, please let magic be real, please let magic be real. I believe that magic is real right now. I believe so hard in its reality that it is becoming slightly less fake before our very eyes. I believe its fakeness was just a lie coughed up from a dark magician's spurious asshole. I believe in fairies. I believe dragons aren't bullshit. I believe heartily in the giggles of all the cherubs in heaven and the metric tonnes of special stardust they consume each day to fuel their laughter. I believe with the conviction of a million frothing zealots in the combined pranks of a billion leprechauns strong, and in the tiny erections they get from playing them. But most of all, I believe in YOU, Rufio.
36365	I BELIEVE IN YOU.
36366	Aw fuck who am I kidding magic is fake as shit.
36367	I failed you, Rufio.
36368	I failed you.
36369	UU: hUzzah! yoU did it! ^u^
36370	GG: Oh, hello.
36371	GG: Did what, exactly?
36372	UU: made it to locah! yoUr own personal planet inside the game, tailored to yoUr personal qUest.
36373	UU: i've observed yoU here before, of coUrse. bUt this is the first time i've contacted yoU here.
36374	UU: better to keep things on the Up and Up vis a vis oUr mUtUal linearity, no?
36375	GG: Sure.
36376	UU: sUre? :u
36377	GG: Yes. Sorry. I'm still feeling a little overwhelmed by what just happened.
36378	GG: A giant pit seems to have swollen my house whole! My dad is missing too. I think I should try to find him as soon as possible.
36379	UU: i Understand.
36380	UU: pardon my grUmpy demeanoUr. i jUst had a nap and did not sleep well.
36381	GG: Ha ha, you call this grumpy?
36382	UU: wasn't i being? :u
36383	GG: Not exactly!
36384	UU: well good! i do my best.
36385	UU: really, as if my dreadfUl nap were not bad enoUgh, i woke Up to find my coplayer has made a terrible mess in here.
36386	UU: bUt the good news is he has at least agreed to play with me once and for all. some people make nothing easy.
36387	GG: That's good.
36388	GG: But wait...
36389	GG: I thought you said you've never met him?
36390	UU: Um.
36391	UU: i haven't!
36392	UU: not in person.
36393	GG: Then how did he make a mess in there?
36394	GG: Did he break into your room while you were asleep?
36395	UU: oh, yes, well, hmm.
36396	UU: the thing with that is this.
36397	UU: the thing with that is that we shoUld talk aboUt something else!
36398	GG: Huh?
36399	UU: why mUst yoU be sUch the vigilant gUmshoe, jane?
36400	UU: always with the gUmshooery. pitch that pUzzlesavvy toward the conUndra littered aboUt yoUr planet!
36401	UU: i'm becoming grUmpy again. do forgive me.
36402	UU: what do yoU think of the place by the by?
36403	GG: Uh...
36404	UU: yoUr new home!
36405	GG: Oh.
36406	GG: It's rather desolate. Pretty eerie, actually.
36407	GG: I haven't run into anyone at all. I think I might be alone here?
36408	UU: yes isn't it great?
36409	GG: The balloons are nice, I suppose.
36410	UU: reminds me mUch of home. so peacefUl, so mUch space to yoUrself and time to think.
36411	UU: yoU're so lUcky. i can't wait to get to my planet!
36412	GG: Yes. But what about your brother?
36413	UU: right, that.
36414	UU: aboUt that.
36415	UU: got to rUn! Ta, kisses, all that stUff!!! u3u
36416	GG: Hey!
36417	[Close tab and continue playing game in original tab.]
36418	TG: jcrocks
36419	TG: urgent cornespondence 4 profeffor bffsy over
36420	GG: Roxy!
36421	GG: You won't believe where I am right now.
36422	TG: betch u i will
36423	GG: Ok, maybe you will.
36424	GG: But I'm in the game finally! It's considerably more outlandish than I was expecting.
36425	TG: what were u spectin
36426	TG: for mangic not 2 be real or something
36427	TG: lol what a dope
36428	GG: No, I was thinking...
36429	GG: Well, I don't know. Something more like...
36430	TG: wow k shoosh
36431	TG: jane i actuatly dont have any time
36432	TG: i have literally like 1 minute
36433	TG: i only wanted to ask one thing
36434	TG: did you talk to jake
36435	TG: about u know
36436	TG: do i even NEED to wonk??
36437	GG: THAT'S why you're contacting me???
36438	TG: ys
36439	TG: hry
36440	GG: Roxy, please, I don't think you understand.
36441	GG: There are MYSTERIES here.
36442	GG: REAL MYSTERIES AND PUZZLES TO SOLVE.
36443	TG: thas cool so howd it go with jake
36444	GG: Groan.
36445	TG: did doc crock prantice her love medizine on THE ENGLISH PATIENT ;) <3<3,4
36446	GG: Hardly.
36447	GG: If you really want to know, I completely blew it with him forever. Satisfied?
36448	TG: aw wahat that FUCK
36449	GG: He asked me if I liked him, and in the heat of the moment I panicked and said no.
36450	GG: And then he went on this whole thing about Dirk, and...
36451	GG: That's that.
36452	GG: Can we drop it now?
36453	TG: uuuuuuuuuuuuuururreggghhgh
36454	TG: jane this is totals the shittiest love report i ever heard
36455	GG: It's not a "love report!" Will you stop it?
36456	TG: jane im pissed
36457	TG: i am so pipsed about this i want to just go there and smack ur ass
36458	TG: u HAD him and oh jane siiiign
36459	TG: the ONLY reason i got 2 cut short on ripping you a new one ofer this debacle is the fact that everything is literally on fire right now
36460	GG: What? There's a fire?
36461	TG: no jane theres a fire when youg go camping and pack marshmalmows while smiling like an asshole
36462	TG: the whole neighborhoof is burning down
36463	TG: by which i mean lilerally every single fuckin builbing
36464	TG: gtg
36465	GG: Oh, gosh.
36466	GG: Please be careful!
36467	TG: stil just
36468	TG: SM f'n H about this jake thang
36469	TG: uuurrrrgh
36470	GG: :(
36471	[Close tab and continue playing game in original tab.]
36472	GT: Ahoy!
36473	GT: Jane? Yoo hoo.
36474	GT: No dice?
36475	GT: Okey doke then i just wanted to see what was up with you.
36476	GT: I figured you must be starting up the game by now? Cant wait to get the scoop!
36477	GT: I just had a lets say encounter with dirks dumb robot and well its over now lets just leave it at that.
36478	GT: Headed into the ruins now to seal the deal with this rabbit malarkey finally. Then i can join you!
36479	GT: Not a moment too soon probably. I think this volcano is about to blow?
36480	GT: Its making me mighty nervous im not going to lie.
36481	GT: The grounds been shaking and everything.
36482	GT: Wup!
36483	GT: There it goes again aw frig this is a big one.
36484	GT: Ohhhh shit.
36485	GG: Jake! Wait!
36486	GG: Oh no.
36487	[Close tab and continue playing game in original tab.]
36488	You verify whether or not you made it to the end of the game, as shown above. If not, you decide to consult the walkthrough for guidance.
36489	TT: Looks like you're getting the hang of these puzzles.
36490	TT: Nice work.
36491	GG: Thank you!
36492	GG: That last skull was a doozy, to be honest.
36493	TT: Yeah, I guess. If you have a human brain, sure.
36494	TT: Personally, I've already solved all conceivable skull puzzles for all possible skull states, which is a thing that's like, no big deal for me?
36495	GG: Har har.
36496	GG: Hey, I thought you couldn't see me once I left the house?
36497	TT: I can't. Not through the server's viewport.
36498	TT: But I can still monitor your progress through Lil Sebastian.
36499	TT: He and I are linked the hell up cyberwise. We are so tight. Tight like you wouldn't believe.
36500	GG: Oh yeah?
36501	TT: It's like he is the Incredible Hulk's pants, and I am his monstrous package yearning to bust loose.
36502	GG: Blehhhh, why??
36503	TT: Jane.
36504	TT: It seems there is a way bigger than average probability that you do not want to discuss Bruce Banner's megalithic gamma schlong.
36505	GG: That figure would be sitting pretty at one hundred percent.
36506	TT: Holy shit!
36507	TT: Some of my circuits exploded. That number was intense to robo-consider.
36508	GG: Ok, let's stop talking about stupid things for a minute. What a completely absurd environment for our typical blithering discourse.
36509	GG: I am hot on the prowl for more clues about this strange and mysterious land!
36510	TT: Ha ha.
36511	GG: What?
36512	TT: I don't know.
36513	TT: Just, ha ha to that.
36514	GG: Anyway, I think I'm getting closer to finding where my house went.
36515	GG: Then I can reunite with dad, and together we can sleuth this great big pickle of a planet!
36516	TT: Well, the good news is your house should be just ahead, if you keep following the trail.
36517	GG: Yes, I knew it!
36518	TT: The bad news is your dad's not there anymore.
36519	GG: Oh no!
36520	TT: I guess he got antsy and left to explore. Maybe he's looking for you?
36521	TT: I tried to block him from leaving with some furniture, but the dude was having none of it.
36522	GG: Golly, why did he have to leave??
36523	GG: This really complicates matters. I hope he doesn't get lost.
36524	TT: Don't worry, we'll find him. I'll have Seb search within a likely radius. The little guy is real fast.
36525	GG: Yes. Good idea.
36526	TT: In the meantime, you'd better go find your house. We aren't making any progress in this game without it. It's kinda central to the gameplay, you know?
36527	TT: If you need Seb to do anything from afar, just message me, and I'll give him the orders. Got it?
36528	GG: Got it! Thanks!
36529	[Close tab and continue playing game in original tab.]
36530	You cautiously approach your new guide. Wait, you said you didn't want him to be your guide? The friendly clown strongly advises you to reconsider. (You do not reconsider.)
36531	You ask him who he is, but he maintains his cryptic, serene expression in perfect silence. You give some thought to sidling away from the awkward encounter and go inside, when the clown finally speaks up.
36532	He wants to know if you would like to buy these motherfuckin potions.
36533	You examine the clown's wares with due skepticism. He assures you that all of his wicked elixirs are motherfuckin magic and all that. The clown sure likes to say motherfuck a lot. It is making you feel uneasy.
36534	The first question that pops into your head while examining this fellow of course is, where did he get that outrageous outfit??? You don't really have the gumption to ask, but if you had to take a wild guess, you are almost certain the answer would be hand-waved away with the word "shenanigans." See, look? He is waving his hand preemptively, as if reading your mind. Truly, this clown is wise.
36535	Good grief, look at that magnificent codpiece. It is absolutely transfixing. You don't want to stare, but how it arrests the eye. It's hard to look away, but you somehow find the wherewithal to pry your eyes from its prodigious heft. The clown catches you staring, and his smile broadens a bit.
36536	The clown says one sip of this potion will cause you to lose the use of your legs. HOWEVER, you will become an EXCELLENT kisser. A trade that is more than motherfuckin fair, he says. Personally, you think someone would have to be suicidal to drink that heinous brown liquid.
36537	You buy 1 BRONZE POTION. It's like a brown nightmare in a bottle. When the clown isn't looking, you chuck it over the side of your house-cliff.
36538	Absolutely not. The clown appears crestfallen, then counters with another offer: buy one bottle, get one free! You scowl at him as if he is quite mad. He gets the picture. You're not interested. He then gives you a few bottles of the stuff and says he'll just put it on your tab, no worries. ;o)
36539	This lovely looking potion is supposed to have powerful healing properties. A must-have in the inventory of an up and coming Maid of Life.
36540	You acquiesce to a single FUSCHIA POTION. Yippee. Pointless pink slop.
36541	You don't want it. But the clown REALLY thinks you should take at least one of these handy elixirs. He won't take no for an answer. You say fine, and buy a few just to shut him up.
36542	He says this potion will make you STRONG. You guess it would be pretty handy to be STRONG. Except that it's probably bullshit and the potion doesn't do that at all.
36543	You buy an INDIGO POTION and shrug. Now THERE'S something you won't be drinking any time soon.
36544	He looks taken aback that you could refuse such a valuable commodity. He says no, you gotta buy this motherfuckin shit. It's the hottest fuckin noise since a big tittied ninja. Ok, whatever you say clown, here's your stupid boondollars. He gives you like 50 of these things? Jesus Christ.
36545	This gross looking pea soup elixir is touted as a powerful love potion! Just sneak a few drops into the beverage of your object of affection, and he or she will fall head over heels for you. Literally, in the event that your sweetheart-to-be is decapitated. You are very wary of this claim of course, but... you guess it couldn't hurt to have ONE bottle on hand.
36546	You buy 1 OLIVE POTION. Ugh, this stuff looks nasty. You are going to have to sneak it into an especially strong drink if you don't want Jake to notice. Wait, did you say Jake? You mean of course hypothetically any person you give this to, strictly in the name of science. Uh. Yeah. This conversation is over!!!
36547	You refuse. But the clown spots the look of longing in your eye, and knows a lovestruck lady when he sees one. The kind fellow gives you 1 OLIVE POTION on the house. You blush a little and say thank you.
36548	This potion is to be imbibed by anyone who wants to exhibit unabated lust for all he or she encounters, as well as to behave like more of a douche bag. You wonder why anyone would want that. He gives you a sly wink, and says nothing more. You say no thanks. But he asks you if you want to buy it anyway.
36549	You snap up a VIOLET POTION. Sure, why the hell not. Might as well round out your collection of this useless slime.
36550	You ask him if he's flipped his friggin' cod piece. Of course you don't want it. He says, ah, but you must. He insists. He gives you 20 bottles for free. Then he says that will be whatever 420 times 20 boondollars is. You let out a heavy sigh, say fine, and fork over the money.
36551	He claims this potion endows its drinker with incredible luck! Then he does a stupid looking jig on your fridge, clicking the heels of his dumb elf shoes. You find that a bit hard to swallow. Not just because it's implausible, but because that blue muck is straight up nasty. He doesn't get the joke.
36552	He tucks another 420 of your hard earned loot into his cavernous codpiece and gives you a bottle of the blue stuff. Good motherfuckin choice, he says. You roll your eyes.
36553	In a motion so swift you didn't even follow, he grabs your hand, pushes a bottle of cobalt into your palm, and closes your fingers over it. As you begin to object, he puts his fingers over your lips and whispers shoosh. That'll be 420 motherfuckin boonies yo.
36554	This sickly mustard goo is supposed to make your hacking skills go bananas. Like you would ever care about that. He says not so fast though, for its benefits are TWOFOLD. It also makes a pretty killer substitute for grub sauce in a pinch.
36555	Whatever. You buy one, flip the clown another cool 420. You wonder why they're all that price? What's the deal with that number, anyway? Poor, naive Jane. You have no idea how that number culturally means SMOKIN WEED, and how stoners think it's funny. You are a smart girl, but there are some things you don't understand, and that makes you more endearing.
36556	You tell this clown to go take a long walk off a short cliff. He pretends not to hear you and restates his offer. You are getting kind of fed up with this idiot so you purchase yet more useless bottles of liquid. Are we done here bro??
36557	Ok, what the FUCK are you going to do with all these stupid potions? Talk about buyer's remorse. You have had enough of this vulgar clown and his pushy potion peddling.
36558	You do not want him to be your guide and you politely ask him to leave your property.
36559	The clown says he can all motherfuckin abide about that. He doesn't want to get his step on to any motherfuckin toes. But he says if he's not going to be your guide, you gotta at least have SOMEONE as a guide, to all guide you on your way through this quest of miracles.
36560	He tells you to hold your shit while he retrieves something from his CHEST OF WHIMSY. You say, you mean the refrigerator? He acts like he didn't even hear you.
36561	TAVRISPRITE: wHAT,
36562	TAVRISPRITE: Thhhhhhhhe,
36563	TAVRISPRITE: fUCK!!!!!!!!,
36564	TAVRISPRITE: Happened,?
36565	TAVRISPRITE: mY,
36566	TAVRISPRITE: Person, ality is........
36567	TAVRISPRITE: hNNNNNNNNGH,
36568	TAVRISPRITE: Just,,,,,,,,
36569	TAVRISPRITE: a8SOLUTELY, fUCKING,
36570	TAVRISPRITE: Uhhhhhhhh,
36571	TAVRISPRITE: iRRRRRRRRECONCILA8LE!!!!!!!!
36572	TAVRISPRITE: D::::{
36573	JANE: AAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH!
36574	GAMZEE: honk.
36575	TAVRISPRITE: nO,
36576	TAVRISPRITE: nO, No, nO, No, nO, No, nO, No.
36577	TAVRISPRITE: yOU HAVE TO,
36578	TAVRISPRITE: Undo this somehow.
36579	TAVRISPRITE: aRE YOU LISTENING TO ME, cLOWN, aND
36580	TAVRISPRITE: Whoever the fuck you are????????
36581	TAVRISPRITE: mAKE ME STOP 8EING THIS THING!,!,!,!,!,!,!,!,
36582	JANE: Hrm.
36583	JANE: Ok, I'm sorry for screaming there. That fellow over there just caught me quite off guard with this... uh... stunt.
36584	TAVRISPRITE: hMMMMMMMMK,
36585	JANE: You seem quite upset. I think we should all try to calm down and figure out what to do.
36586	TAVRISPRITE: yRRRRRRRRG,
36587	JANE: Um, yes. Well, first of all, my name is Jane. Pleased to meet you.
36588	JANE: What is yours?
36589	TAVRISPRITE: My name?
36590	TAVRISPRITE: fUCK, mY NAME,
36591	TAVRISPRITE: It's, nOTHING!
36592	TAVRISPRITE: i AM, a STUTTERING, rEPELLENT, uNHOLY.......,
36593	TAVRISPRITE: a8OMIN8TION!
36594	JANE: Oh dear.
36595	TAVRISPRITE: yOU HAVE,
36596	TAVRISPRITE: Noooooooo,
36597	TAVRISPRITE: iDEA,
36598	TAVRISPRITE: hOW, fUUUUUUUUCKING MUCH,
36599	TAVRISPRITE: iIIIIIII,
36600	TAVRISPRITE: H88888888te myself right now, !!!!!!!!
36601	GAMZEE: HONK.
36602	JANE: Quiet, you!
36603	JANE: This is all your fault. Look at what you've done!
36604	TAVRISPRITE: sHUT UUUUUUUUP,
36605	TAVRISPRITE: i H8 YOU BOTH, I h8te, EVERYTHING.
36606	TAVRISPRITE: I h8te, the way, i FALTERINGLY, sPEAK OUT, my jum8led, tHOUGHTS,
36607	TAVRISPRITE: i H8, hOW i DRAAAAAAAAG OUT, tHE THINGS, I say, sOMETIMES,
36608	TAVRISPRITE: I don't even know, wHICH PARTS OF MYSELF, aRE H8TING, which things????????
36609	TAVRISPRITE: sO,
36610	TAVRISPRITE: i JUST H8TE,
36611	TAVRISPRITE: Eeeeeeeevvvvvvvvveeeeeeeerrrrrrrryyyyyyyy, tHING!!!!!!!!
36612	JANE: Hey, clown!
36613	JANE: Can't you do something? This poor creature shouldn't exist!
36614	TAVRISPRITE: Aaaaaaaa,
36615	TAVRISPRITE: aAAAAAAA,aAAAAAAA,aAAAAAAA,aAAAAAAA,aAAAAAAA,aAAAAAAA,aAAAAAAA,aAAAAAAA!
36616	TAVRISPRITE: eEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRUUUUUUUUEEEEEEEEGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH,,,,,,,,.
36617	VRISKA: Tavros, this fucking sucks.
36618	TAVROS: wHAT,
36619	VRISKA: What do you mean, "wHAT,"?
36620	VRISKA: For starters, that completely horri8le shared 8ody resurrection 8ullshit that just happened.
36621	VRISKA: You were there, remem8er? That's kind of the point!
36622	TAVROS: oH, yEAH,
36623	TAVROS: i DON'T KNOW, iT WASN'T SO BAD,
36624	TAVROS: i THINK MAYBE WE WERE OVERREACTING, aBOUT BEING ONE PERSON?
36625	VRISKA: Overreacting my ass!
36626	VRISKA: What a nightmare. It's still making my ghostly skin crawl just thinking a8out it.
36627	TAVROS: nO, i THINK i'VE DECIDED, yOU'RE BEING UNREASONABLE,
36628	TAVROS: iT WAS COOL BEING ALIVE AGAIN FOR A WHILE, aS A STRANGE UNSETTLING MUTANT,
36629	TAVROS: iF WE DIDN'T EXPLODE OURSELF SO FAST, iT COULD HAVE BEEN AN ADVENTURE, mAYBE,
36630	VRISKA: Oh, sure. That's easy for you to say.
36631	VRISKA: You weren't the one getting the short end of the shared personality stick!
36632	VRISKA: May8e if your personality was as much an upgrade to mine as mine was to yours, I would have 8een cool with it too.
36633	TAVROS: yOU MIGHT BE RIGHT,
36634	TAVROS: aCTUALLY IT WAS PRETTY NEAT,
36635	VRISKA: What?
36636	TAVROS: gETTING TO FEEL ALL THE AMAZING SELF ESTEEM YOU GET TO FEEL,
36637	TAVROS: i DIDN'T REALLY KNOW WHAT IT FELT LIKE, i MOSTLY ONLY KNEW WHAT THE PRETEND KIND WAS LIKE,
36638	TAVROS: sO,
36639	TAVROS: tHANK YOU FOR LETTING ME FEEL THAT, i GUESS,
36640	VRISKA: Hahahaha. You're welcome!
36641	VRISKA: Now that you mention it, may8e there was a silver lining to that freak show.
36642	VRISKA: Someone else finally got a chance to feel first hand how gr8 it is 8eing me!
36643	TAVROS: yEAH,
36644	TAVROS: iT MUST BE PRETTY GREAT OVERALL,
36645	TAVROS: sO,
36646	TAVROS: aSIDE FROM BEING PARTIALLY ME, bRIEFLY,
36647	TAVROS: hOW HAVE YOU BEEN?
36648	VRISKA: Ok. Dead mostly.
36649	TAVROS: yES, mE TOO,
36650	VRISKA: Yeah.
36651	VRISKA: Hey, sorry a8out that 8y the way.
36652	TAVROS: aBOUT WHAT,
36653	VRISKA: A8out killing you! It wasn't very cool of me.
36654	TAVROS: oH, rIGHT,
36655	TAVROS: i ALMOST FORGOT THAT EVEN HAPPENED,
36656	VRISKA: How could you forget? Haven't you 8een pissed off at me a8out it?
36657	TAVROS: nO, i MEAN, iT WAS PRETTY MUCH MY FAULT, i THINK,
36658	TAVROS: i ATTACKED YOU WITH MY BOGUS SELF ESTEEM, aND i PAID THE ULTIMATE PRICE,
36659	VRISKA: No, you idiot! That's not what happened at all. I sta88ed you through the chest 8ecause I was 8eing a huge 8itch!
36660	TAVROS: i MEAN, iT WAS A LONG TIME AGO, bUT THAT'S NOT REALLY HOW i REMEMBER IT,
36661	VRISKA: Ugh, stop 8eing so stupid. That's so stupid!
36662	TAVROS: nO, yOU'RE STUPID,
36663	VRISKA: You are such a pain in the ass when you're dead. Let's just agree it was my fault and drop it.
36664	TAVROS: nO, bUT OKAY,
36665	VRISKA: Man, 8eing dead is such a drag.
36666	VRISKA: I don't know if I can deal with this shit anymore!
36667	TAVROS: i THINK IT'S ALRIGHT,
36668	VRISKA: Oh come on. It's so 8oring!
36669	VRISKA: What a completely pointless and hollow existence this is.
36670	VRISKA: And if the existential malaise wasn't 8ad enough, now I have to 8e constantly watching out for that fucking orange guy.
36671	TAVROS: oRANGE GUY?
36672	VRISKA: The orange guy! Haven't you seen him?
36673	TAVROS: nO,
36674	VRISKA: Well, there's an orange guy.
36675	TAVROS: yOU MEAN,
36676	TAVROS: tHE BIRD VERSION OF DAVE,
36677	VRISKA: No, not Davesprite! It's just some random pointless orange guy who's 8een hassling me for some reason.
36678	VRISKA: I can't catch a 8r8k!
36679	VRISKA: And if that weren't enough of a nuisance, we've apparently got to deal with getting yanked out of the afterlife without a moment's notice 8y some 8ozo in a codpiece to particip8 in his grotesque 8ody fusion pranks.
36680	VRISKA: 8etween you and me, I'm starting to think we are getting jerked around here. You know?
36681	TAVROS: uHHH,
36682	VRISKA: Some inexplica8le forces out there are fucking with us. They are doing everything in their power to make sure that when we're not 8eing totally humili8ted, we are staying completely irrelevant.
36683	VRISKA: We can't let them toy with us, then just sweep us under the carpet like that. I'm not going to let our relevance 8e marginalized anymore, Tavros.
36684	TAVROS: wHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO,
36685	VRISKA: I think it's time to start fucking some shit up.
36686	TAVROS: oH, nO,,,
36687	VRISKA: More like oh yes!
36688	VRISKA: I'm sick of this shit. I'm sick of 8eing dead and useless and 8ored, and I'm not going to take it anymore.
36689	VRISKA: You're with me, right?
36690	TAVROS: nO WAY,
36691	TAVROS: i LIKE BEING DEAD,
36692	TAVROS: i LIKE IT HOW THERE ARE NO RESPONSIBILITIES, oR PROBLEMS, uSUALLY,
36693	VRISKA: Tavros, that is the lamest thing I've ever heard you say, which is really saying something.
36694	TAVROS: yES, iT IS,
36695	VRISKA: You've got to quit that loser attitude and get your ass out of the sand. That's just your low self esteem talking again.
36696	TAVROS: yES, i KNOW,
36697	VRISKA: I'm going to have to insist.
36698	VRISKA: You are going to join me and together we are going to fuck shit up.
36699	TAVROS: nO, i'M NOT,
36700	VRISKA: Yes, you are.
36701	TAVROS: nO,
36702	VRISKA: Yes.
36703	TAVROS: nO,
36704	VRISKA: Yes.
36705	TAVROS: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/scorpio.gif" border="0" /> yES, i WILL DEFINITELY, <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/scorpio.gif" border="0" />
36706	TAVROS: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/scorpio.gif" border="0" /> cOOPERATE WITH YOU WHOLE HEARTEDLY, <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/scorpio.gif" border="0" />
36707	TAVROS: dAMMIT,
36708	TAVROS: oKAY, fINE,
36709	VRISKA: ::::D
36710	You cannot proceed to the TIME CAPSULE because you are lying on the floor unconscious.
36711	While descending deep into the ruins, a sudden earthquake jammed the elevator on its way down, causing you to take a nasty spill to the floor below. Luckily you were wearing your trusty SKULLTOP, preventing a more serious concussion. You nevertheless lost consciousness, and attempt with all your might to regain it.
36712	You fail to regain consciousness.
36713	But centuries in the future.
36714	TT: Happy 13th, bro.
36715	TT: I have something for you.
36716	GT: Whoa nelly!
36717	GT: You are too kind my friend. What is it?
36718	TT: It's no big deal, since it's nothin' I wasn't planning on giving you anyway.
36719	TT: I just sort of happened to finish it today.
36720	GT: I think i catch your drift.
36721	GT: So my new tin comrade finally gets a head on his shoulders eh?
36722	TT: Yeah, assuming I can actually send it today without another untimely paradoxification.
36723	TT: If not, then hey, you get a sick grill full of birthday slime instead.
36724	GT: Oh hell no. HELL no man.
36725	GT: Well listen. If youre going to send anything to me slime or otherwise can you please at least not make the shit appear directly over my head this time?
36726	GT: The last thing i need on my bday is another installment of and i quote manbro bukkake theater.
36727	TT: You still don't actually know what that means, do you.
36728	GT: Not really? Its your friggin figure of speech man. I gathered it just meant getting slimed like in ghost busters or somesuch.
36729	TT: Kind of. I told you to look it up.
36730	GT: Yeah yeah. Im a busy fella dirk!
36731	GT: Wikipedia is a lot of letters to type in a thing for a man of action on the go.
36732	GT: Im always doing adventures remember?
36733	TT: That is such bullshit, you sit in your little jungle globe watching movies all day.
36734	GT: Well yes. But ok i have a LOT of movies to bone up on. There are so many good ones i still havent seen.
36735	TT: You think literally every film you watch is a masterpiece. I've never felt so much vicarious shame through someone else's atrocious taste in awful garbage.
36736	GT: Screw you i have IMPECCABLE standards! Its just theres so much good stuff out there and ive really been on a roll with my picks lately.
36737	TT: Do you even hear yourself, dude?
36738	TT: Your "picks" are everything, and "lately" is always.
36739	GT: Yes i hear myself just fine.
36740	GT: I hear a discriminating gentlemans melodious voice and it strikes my ears as the voice of reason! Heheh.
36741	GT: Say heres one im pretty excited about. Have you heard about this avatar jam? Its coming out next year.
36742	TT: You mean the blue furry shit?
36743	GT: No man it is not blue furry shit far from it. Get this. It is about this paralyzed fellow who is down on his luck and longs for adventure. And he finds it!
36744	GT: But it is far away on an enchanted planet rich with coveted treasures. And adventure is not all that he finds oh no. He also finds romance.
36745	GT: A beautiful blue woman from the wild teaches him the ways of her savage culture and also the ways of alien love. Together they frolic in the forest whilst sharing primal intimacy through magic sexual escapades.
36746	TT: Ahahahaha.
36747	GT: Whats so funny wise guy?
36748	TT: To borrow from one of the more benighted sectors of your zeitgeist, that was "so gay."
36749	GT: Excuse me but i fail to see what could possibly be gay about some huge elegant blue men and women having really spiritual intercourse with their tails or something.
36750	TT: Well yeah, obviously not literally.
36751	TT: Jake, where I'm from that word hasn't been used as a pejorative, or even much at all, in a really long fucking time.
36752	GT: But youre from friggin texas! Arent you?
36753	TT: Yes. But not exactly.
36754	GT: Augh stop being such a cryptic troll all the time!
36755	GT: Anyway avatar looks spectacular and i think my preemptive review was spot on. The bloody end!
36756	TT: Ok but what you just said about those furries was gay as hell. It's time to face the facts.
36757	GT: You are just treating my great taste in flicks to your aloof hipstery disdain as usual. You dont know anything about that movie. Maybe youll like it?
36758	TT: Nah, I saw it already. That movie sucked the smelliest shit from the ugliest butt. Sorry man.
36759	GT: Well now i know youre just trolling me. It wont be out for another year!
36760	TT: Right.
36761	TT: Here, let me send you the rest of this robot already.
36762	TT: You've spent too long alone on that island as it is. I kinda worry about you.
36763	TT: A man can only spend so much time in the middle of the damn ocean with nothing but popcultural detritus and his own thoughts to keep him company.
36764	GT: Alrighty.
36765	GT: I hope it wont be as difficult to finish building as the rest was to assemble.
36766	TT: No, just screw the thing on and it's ready to go.
36767	GT: Capital!
36768	GT: Scoot that noggin my way at your ready then.
36769	TT: Oh cool. It worked.
36770	GT: Hehe. You nerd.
36771	GT: Hes got your slick japanese spectacles and everything.
36772	GT: Why is this a metal man before me or is it none other than dirk strider himself in my room??
36773	TT: One thing at a time, bro. I haven't quite figured out a way to get myself there yet.
36774	GT: It almost sounds like this is something youve given some thought...
36775	TT: Ok well I don't know what you're implying there but why don't you snap that sucker on the torso and fire it up.
36776	GT: Affirmative.
36777	GT: I continue to boggle vacantly at your technical shenanigans.
36778	GT: Your knack for gadgetry seems to surpass even my grandmas and she was like this big time gizmo legend.
36779	GT: How do you even do this stuff?
36780	TT: I guess from your perspective I must seem hells of "overpowered" in a bunch of ways.
36781	TT: Which I kind of am, like with a ninja sword I'm basically nuts, ok?
36782	GT: If you say so buddy. I can believe it.
36783	TT: Yeah, but when it comes to building stuff you're probably overstating things.
36784	TT: Like for example, if you told someone a hundred years ago you could build a computer they'd probably be like whoa shit, look at this fuckin' genius.
36785	TT: Well actually first of all they'd say, what's a computer, I only know what horses and diseases are and shit like that.
36786	TT: But once you actually tell them what computers are: Jesus dick! You're a wizard.
36787	TT: But from your perspective you know it's not a big deal to build a computer. You just go online and buy a case and a motherboard and some other shit and put it all together.
36788	TT: It's not like you're smelting the goddamn silicon in your basement and making chips in your hermetically sealed, dust-free garage.
36789	GT: Yeah but come on its not like youre from a century in the future.
36790	TT: Well. No.
36791	GT: Nor am i a quaint man of the past. Pardon me but do i SOUND like some trollycar bellwether toiling in the heart of the mustache belt from the ruff n tumble year of nineteen aught nine???
36792	TT: ...
36793	TT: He said unironically.
36794	GT: Give me some credit man and some to yourself as well. You are too modest about all this robotics noise.
36795	TT: I don't know. I have a lot of time to work on stuff I guess.
36796	TT: There are a lot of irons. You know where they are? Here's a hint. It's a pretty hot place.
36797	GT: The kitchen?
36798	TT: Sure, I keep some irons there too. But most of them are in the fire.
36799	GT: Oh of course!
36800	GT: Fire is quite notoriously the hottest thing there is. A tip top locale for a whole mess of irons!
36801	TT: True that.
36802	TT: I actually have so much to do and think about, one of my current projects hopefully will address that very issue.
36803	TT: Gonna make an AI replica of my own mind. He can share some of the load. As well as make a decent intellectual sparring partner, ideally.
36804	TT: Not that my conversations with you aren't uniquely rad. But you know what I mean.
36805	GT: See again i think you are downplaying a pretty neat accomplishment if you ask me.
36806	TT: Shrug. We'll see.
36807	GT: Does that mean I'll have to deal with two dirks?
36808	GT: One who is MORE MACHINE THAN MAN...
36809	GT: And another who is a computer program you made hahahahahahaha.
36810	TT: That's a super joke.
36811	TT: But I'm guessing you won't be hearing much from the program. It probably won't play a significant role in either of our lives.
36812	TT: I have my doubts it'll be a successful project, but who knows.
36813	GT: Id wager a tidy sum the results of the endeavor will be sensational.
36814	GT: I believe in you!
36815	TT: You do?
36816	GT: Sure bro. I always have.
36817	GT: You have helped me out a lot and been a good friend for ages.
36818	TT: Hmm.
36819	GT: What?
36820	TT: Well, I wasn't sure about doing this today, but if it's true that you do believe in me, then I guess fuck it, why not.
36821	GT: Why not what?
36822	TT: I guess call it an extra birthday present. But instead of a present that's awesome, consider it more like a weird confession that may change the way you feel about me.
36823	GT: Whoa uh...
36824	GT: Dirk are you... uh...
36825	GT: Saying what i think?
36826	TT: What?
36827	TT: What do you think I'm saying here?
36828	GT: Uh never mind sorry for interrupting.
36829	GT: Should i sit down for this i dont know what to do.
36830	GT: Wait i already am sitting down. Maybe i should stand up?
36831	TT: No, just chill out. Stand up, sit down, whatever. Here's the thing.
36832	TT: You know all these painfully obvious hints I've been dropping? That always seem to be flying over your head?
36833	GT: Ummmmmmmm.
36834	GT: Maybe?
36835	GT: I think i need a towel or something.
36836	TT: About me being from the future.
36837	GT: Oh!
36838	GT: Oh. Yes.
36839	GT: I think so.
36840	TT: Well those weren't jokes. It's true.
36841	GT: What? Oh man are you actually serious??
36842	TT: Yes.
36843	GT: So like...
36844	GT: You ARE from a century in the future.
36845	TT: No. More like four centuries.
36846	TT: The year 2422.
36847	TT: Or as we say contemporarily, 411 P.C.
36848	TT: Post Condescension.
36849	GT: WOW.
36850	GT: I must say this is not the announcement i was expecting.
36851	GT: So you are a time traveler from 2422 here to help me build robots or something?
36852	TT: No, I can't time travel. I can only send things through time, occasionally.
36853	TT: I actually live here in the future, alone in my apartment. I can send messages to you in the past though, like I'm doing now.
36854	GT: How?
36855	TT: Years ago our alien friend sent me a special chat client. It's basically just Pesterchum, with some sort of alien technology embedded.
36856	TT: It's specifically wired to communicate with your time period. As hours go by for me, the time it sends messages to also increments by the same amount, so we communicate in lockstep. As if we both existed in the present.
36857	TT: She said it was important for Roxy and I to begin communicating with you and Jane. This is how we all became friends.
36858	GT: Wait... you and roxy?
36859	TT: Yes. She lives in the future too. Though we live nowhere near each other.
36860	TT: I asked her to refrain from telling either of you. I wanted to be the one to let you know. To wait for the right moment.
36861	GT: Holy fucking mackerel. This is amazing!
36862	TT: So,
36863	TT: You really are trusting me about this? Just like that? No second thought?
36864	GT: Well yeah. Sure man why not? Wait its not a prank is it?!
36865	TT: No.
36866	TT: This would be a very shitty and boring "prank." I promise it isn't.
36867	GT: Then heck yes i believe it to friggin pieces. Its an awesome thing to be true!
36868	TT: Haha.
36869	GT: So whats the far flung future like? Some sort of crazy robo paradise?
36870	TT: Not quite, but there are definitely robots.
36871	GT: Oh man what are your movies like in the future?? I bet there are some real cinematic humdingers. Like holographic stuff? Or shit you plug directly into your brain pod right? Wait you do have brain pods right?
36872	TT: No. We don't have brain pods because those aren't a thing, you just made that up. And there are no movies in the future.
36873	TT: There are no humans either. They all went extinct.
36874	TT: Roxy and I are the only ones left, as far as we know.
36875	GT: Well shit.
36876	GT: Dirk this story got so much less awesome.
36877	GT: Is it too late to backpedal on believing it before i start to cry?
36878	TT: No dude, it's too late. Tears ahoy, this motherfucker gets sad.
36879	TT: Do you want to know what happened?
36880	GT: Sure do.
36881	GT: Lemme just finish putting this steel melon on my brobot and then im all ears...
36882	GT: There he is finished.
36883	GT: Look at this spanking iron friend from the future. He is perfect.
36884	GT: Oh shoot dirk he just got blurry and disappeared! What the actual fuck?
36885	TT: Don't worry, that's normal.
36886	TT: Upon activation he goes into Stalking Mode.
36887	GT: Stalking mode??
36888	TT: Yes. He will stalk you in the jungle and strike when your guard is down.
36889	GT: What? Thats crazy why would i want that!
36890	TT: Didn't you want someone to get in scrums with?
36891	GT: Well yeah but... man.
36892	TT: He will give you all the scrums you can handle. Trust me, this will sharpen your combat skills.
36893	GT: I guess youre right.
36894	GT: I was just picturing a little good honest rough housing... why does the whole thing have to sound so sketchy and nerve wracking!
36895	TT: Do you want to hear my grim tales of the apocalypse or not?
36896	GT: Yes!
36897	GT: Youre right lets put issues of fisticuffs aside for now. Tell me everything about the future.
36898	GT: So how does humanity fuck up? Is it the nuclear holocaust? Or is it robots? Gotta be the robots right? As per the terminator.
36899	TT: No, it's more of a gradual decline in population than that, due to an insidious power grab by an aquatic alien empress.
36900	GT: Oh the old alien overlord story? Got it. When does she show up?
36901	TT: She's already there, in your time period, hiding in plain sight. She has been for anywhere between fifty and a hundred years.
36902	TT: She's the Baroness of Crockercorp. Jane's company. But of course Jane has no idea.
36903	TT: The Baroness has been using subtle strategies to manipulate the human population through her company for a long time.
36904	TT: On November 11th, 2011, she finally made her presence known to the world, along with her agenda for global domination.
36905	GT: Jeez that is pretty scary. So in a few years she will be in charge of everything?
36906	TT: No, not quite. That's just when the world finally sees her for the threat she is. She would continue to gain power by exploiting various institutions and the media from within.
36907	TT: It would take the next several decades for her to claim the throne as Earth's absolute ruler. Her march to domination was facilitated by a number of scumbag sympathizers, and opposed by a few brave rebels, including my ancestor. Roxy's too.
36908	TT: I think your ancestor qualifies as one too. In fact I'm sure she must have been the first member of the covert opposition movement.
36909	GT: My grandma?
36910	GT: I do remember when i was very young she would tell me stories of the wicked woman who raised her.
36911	GT: Was she the evil alien?
36912	TT: Yep.
36913	TT: That's a whole story right there, most of which is shrouded in rumor and urban legend.
36914	TT: But before we get sidetracked by any of that, I'll try to cover the big picture. To give you a sense of all the batshit lunacy that followed the sea hag's power play.
36915	TT: Nobody at the time knew what the fuck she wanted to accomplish or what her actual motives were.
36916	TT: But in retrospect it became clear she was trying to essentially restore the conditions of her old home world, which she used to rule over as well.
36917	TT: She began instituting these crazy laws. First of all, people weren't allowed to reproduce. She found our usual method of procreation revolting, and anyone who engaged in it was punished by death.
36918	TT: But she still needed an ongoing population of subjects to abuse, so to propagate the race she set up this weird system.
36919	TT: At random intervals every citizen would be required to supply their genetic material to drones. That DNA would be collected and combined in some way.
36920	TT: Many years later, long after the original donors had died, clones would be spawned from their DNA. So no one would ever be able to know who their "parents" were, or be able to trace their lineage.
36921	TT: It was only through a bit of good fortune that Roxy and I were able to discover who our ancestors were.
36922	GT: They were the rebels you mentioned? Are they alive right now?
36923	GT: I mean in my time?
36924	TT: Yes.
36925	GT: Oh! I am very curious about them and also my grandma.
36926	TT: I'll get to them, don't worry.
36927	TT: Anyway, "Her Imperious Condescension" turned out to be especially cruel to her human subjects. I'm sure her rule was no picnic on her home world, but I think she resented humans' biological incompatibility with the ideal empire she envisioned, and became frustrated.
36928	TT: Humanity wasn't even really her first choice for rule. There are reports that she attempted to clone members of her own species and replace the human population with them. But they all died.
36929	GT: What happened to them?
36930	TT: The rumors say it was her own "pet" who killed them.
36931	TT: See, she traveled from her world to Earth in this huge red space ark.
36932	TT: In it she had gathered thousands of creatures from her planet, I'm guessing to save them from extinction.
36933	TT: This more than anything has led me to speculate that some cataclysm happened on her home world, and she moved on to greener pastures to rebuild her empire.
36934	TT: She bred all these creatures in secret, increasing their numbers, preparing for her eventual takeover.
36935	TT: Each monster, or "lusus naturae," was meant to be kind of a caretaker of the young. You can see where the dramatic schism between our species and hers begins, and also why she had a reputation for being quite insane.
36936	TT: But she also happens to have this one humongous sea monster lusus that is like her own personal bodyguard, and kind of a secret weapon.
36937	TT: But it turns out the thing is kind of an enigma. Sort of a double edged eldritch horror. As much in her service as it is calling the shots, in some unfathomable way.
36938	TT: Every time she tried to resurrect her race, it would slaughter them all psychically. As if it was keeping her ambition in check.
36939	TT: Or so the story goes.
36940	GT: Wait... these beasts tend to the young??
36941	GT: I can tell you from first hand experience that monsters are totally rotten at taking care of kids!
36942	GT: They do a bangup job of making em scared though. :(
36943	TT: Exactly.
36944	TT: The plan was beyond shitty.
36945	GT: So does that mean you and rox were raised by these things?
36946	TT: Nope.
36947	TT: It was a very short lived experiment centuries ago.
36948	TT: Humans just don't have the same evolutionary symbiosis with those things that her race had.
36949	TT: It turns out a bunch of fuckin' alien monsters have no interest whatsoever in taking care of human babies.
36950	TT: They mostly just wound up eating them, or at best, just abandoning them.
36951	TT: Later she instated a lusidroid system to serve the same function, as she began phasing in more robotic solutions in favor of all this ill conceived biotech nonsense that always did nothing but backfire.
36952	TT: Even drones were replaced with robotic versions. I imagine they were just easier to produce and control, since she'd given up hope of perfectly mirroring her own civilization in all its convoluted symbiotic glory.
36953	TT: But not without a good fight, and not without taking her frustrations out on the human population.
36954	TT: She attempted to enforce "blood casting" through efforts to genetically alter people's blood color. That was an ugly chapter. Lotta fuckin' people died from that debacle.
36955	TT: Over the last four hundred years, the population just got smaller and smaller from these atrocities piling up. But she clearly didn't give a shit.
36956	TT: All the while, the amount of dry land kept shrinking due to the gradual flooding.
36957	TT: Soon there was hardly anywhere left to live, and then, that was that. No more people.
36958	GT: Damn.
36959	GT: Wait...
36960	GT: Flooding?
36961	TT: Oh. Yeah, I probably should have mentioned this up front.
36962	TT: One of the first things she did while in power was begin melting the ice caps.
36963	TT: It took a while, but eventually the whole world flooded.
36964	TT: That's how it is now. It's totally soaked up in this bitch.
36965	GT: Wow like the epic kevin costner film?
36966	TT: Almost exactly. Especially by the same degree of shittiness.
36967	GT: Oh man does that mean you have to drink your own pee??????
36968	TT: You get used to the taste. Welcome it, even.
36969	TT: That takes about 15 days in a row of hard piss drinking though.
36970	GT: Ewwwwwwwwwwww no dude. No ew. :(
36971	TT: Relax, I don't drink any goddamn piss, ok?
36972	GT: Oh ok. Whew.
36973	GT: I guess your lusis droid thingy sees to it that you have fresh water?
36974	TT: Nope. Those stopped being a thing a long time ago too, once humans went extinct.
36975	GT: Oh i thought...
36976	GT: Hm. Well who raised you then?
36977	TT: Nobody, man. I raised my damn self.
36978	GT: !
36979	GT: Jesus christofer kringlefucker and here i thought i was rugged!
36980	TT: You're still pretty rugged. You're just a fucking dork about it.
36981	GT: Thats true.
36982	TT: I guess I did have Cal looking after me.
36983	TT: Let's not discount the rad service of the C-man, ok?
36984	GT: Heaven forbid.
36985	GT: And what about roxy?
36986	TT: Pretty sure the Carapacians took care of her when she was young.
36987	GT: Wait the whatsits?
36988	TT: Right. Another thing I forgot to mention.
36989	TT: There are a lot of these humanoid creatures with hard shells. Some black, some white.
36990	TT: As humanity was dwindling due to an increasingly whimsical and psychopathic Condesce, she began introducing more of these Carapacians on to the scene.
36991	GT: Are they aliens too?
36992	TT: Uh...
36993	TT: Sort of. They are definitely from other planets, so, yeah. Really the deal with where they came from is a whole other story for another time.
36994	TT: But the bottom line is at some point, somehow, she started herding a bunch of them from their home worlds on to Earth and multiplying them.
36995	TT: Something like a hundred years ago it became clear she favored these guys more than humans as her subjects.
36996	TT: They're very loyal and seem genuinely dedicated to serving her. Must be what they were bred for. She still treats them like shit though, unsurprisingly.
36997	TT: All these colonies started sprouting up. Like these modular cities floating on the water.
36998	TT: It probably sounds cooler than it is. But they're basically slums. That's where they tend to live in large numbers.
36999	TT: Roxy lives in one of these colonies. It's about 2000 miles from where I am.
37000	GT: Good gravy. Those are exotic circumstances!
37001	GT: And here i was thinking i had the most exciting and adventurous life. It turns out im just some chump on boring ass monster island in the silly old PRE apocalypse.
37002	TT: For what it's worth, I think it's gotta be more interesting living in the 21st century than the 25th.
37003	TT: Like it's really no contest.
37004	GT: Youre probably right.
37005	GT: Id be really keen on talking to roxy about this too!
37006	GT: Im very curious about her experiences as a future lady with all the whatsits. The hard shell folk.
37007	GT: I must say it turns my previous perception of your lives right on its friggin ear.
37008	TT: Man, she would love to talk to you about all this.
37009	TT: She hates keeping secrets. It's been killing her not to spill all these fucking beans way the hell prematurely.
37010	GT: Like what is even your day to day business like in sea hitlers water apocalypse??
37011	TT: Well, I mostly shit around in my apartment all day, building stuff, reading about history, and flipping out with my sword.
37012	TT: Sometimes I go fishing and check out the underwater ruins.
37013	TT: She does plenty of useless fucking around too, but at least she's got a neighborhood.
37014	TT: She also uses one of her gadgets to gank vegetables and stuff from the past.
37015	TT: She tries to feed the hungry neighbors whatever she can scrounge up.
37016	GT: Those are amazing stories. I am so lucky to have friends like you.
37017	GT: Oh snap what about jane! Have you told her?
37018	TT: Jane is...
37019	TT: No. I haven't.
37020	TT: I've dropped some hints and tested her willingness to believe something like this.
37021	TT: It's just not going to fly. It's way too much drop on somebody all at once if they aren't receptive.
37022	GT: Hmm. True but it seems a shame to keep her out of the loop.
37023	TT: Well, tell her whatever you want. She'll likely think she's being fucked with.
37024	TT: Personally, I wouldn't bother trying too hard to convince her. There's no point in alienating her.
37025	TT: Some day she'll be ready to believe things.
37026	GT: Okay.
37027	GT: Wow i still have so many questions.
37028	GT: Its incredible that this is all going to happen right around the corner! I dunno if im ready...
37029	TT: Like I said, the changes will be a little more gradual than that. More clandestine. She'll exploit the fear caused by her revelation to the world to create intended reactions within governments and media, and her agents embedded on the inside will help nudge things in the direction she wants.
37030	TT: Then, twenty-some years down the road, without anyone suspecting a thing, she'll suddenly be in complete control. And Earth will be fucked.
37031	GT: I want to join the opposition!
37032	GT: Fuck this witch i have lots of guns and reckless bravado and i want to stop her. Ill pick up where my grandma left off!
37033	TT: Well, aside from the main reasons that won't happen, which I won't get into...
37034	TT: It still wouldn't be a good idea.
37035	GT: Horse shit why not?!
37036	TT: Cause people way better at this than you tried and died?
37037	TT: You said you wanted to hear about our ancestors.
37038	GT: Heck yes bro.
37039	TT: Well, how much do you actually know about your grandma? What have you read, and what do you remember?
37040	GT: My memory of her is pretty foggy.
37041	GT: I do know she loved adventure just like me. Thats why she was exploring this island and raising me here when she died.
37042	GT: She was a fair markswoman and knew her way around an atom or two.
37043	GT: Pretty sure her company made a tidy fortune til it went belly up. At least i still have a few of her knickknacks for keepsakes.
37044	GT: And as you confirmed she was raised by that evil spinster.
37045	GT: But then again from some of the things my pen pal has said it kind of throws some of these details into question so i dunno what to think.
37046	TT: I don't know what the deal is with your pen pal either, and I'm not really prepared to speculate on that right now.
37047	TT: But I'm privy to a shitload of historical data I can share. What's the last thing you remember about her?
37048	GT: It was the night i found her dead!
37049	GT: She had gone off to study the ruins one day. Im pretty sure that was her purpose on this island. To study the technology here and solve all of the astonishing mysteries.
37050	GT: She even built that big fancy house we used to live in so i guess she really wanted to settle here for a while.
37051	GT: But she didnt come home from her expedition for a couple days so i started to get worried.
37052	GT: I followed the trail we usually take to the lagoon while keeping my eyes peeled for monsters.
37053	GT: But instead i found her lying there dead.
37054	GT: I think a monster caught her off guard. There were three big fang marks in the body and a trail of blood along the path.
37055	GT: It looked like she was trying to get home but couldnt make it before succumbing to the injury.
37056	GT: But before i could even do anything about it i heard an explosion. I looked back at the hill and my house was gone!
37057	GT: Just a big poof of smoke where it was standing. So i lived alone in the jungle ever since.
37058	TT: Huh. I've wondered about all that.
37059	GT: Well you never asked!
37060	TT: Oh I know. I would have. But asking about your past would have just been inviting you to do the same. You know how it goes.
37061	GT: Indeed.
37062	TT: But for the record, I don't think those were fang marks on the body, dude.
37063	GT: No?
37064	TT: Finish the story first. Then what?
37065	GT: Oh theres not much more to it. I had to deal with grandmas body.
37066	GT: I would have loved to give her a proper and dignified memorial like janes granddad got.
37067	GT: God jane is so lucky every day in her household must be like weekend at bernies! What a riot it must be im so jealous.
37068	TT: Yeah, what a fucking treat.
37069	TT: A living room corpse party every goddamn day.
37070	GT: I know right!!!
37071	GT: Alas i had to dispose of the body with haste so the monsters wouldnt eat her.
37072	GT: So i just made a little camp fire and burned it. I keep the ashes deep in the ruins which is where i think she liked it best.
37073	GT: Hopefully there isnt an earthquake or something that would knock the urn over in a predictable and hilarious fashion.
37074	TT: No way man.
37075	TT: I'd bet my bottom boonbuck that shit's eternally safe.
37076	TT: That urn's like the Fort Knox of standing upright forever because of no accidents.
37077	GT: Heheh yeah.
37078	GT: So then after camping out the next day i went exploring and found my room globe mostly intact sitting in the jungle so thats where i lived since.
37079	GT: And thats pretty much it!
37080	GT: I sure miss my grandma though she was the best.
37081	TT: She was definitely very brave, if the stories are true. Downright audacious, I'd say.
37082	GT: What did you hear?
37083	TT: Well, like I said. She was raised by the Baroness. It was probably a worse childhood than either of us had.
37084	TT: She wasn't related obviously. Ain't nobody's related to a damn fish alien. Except other fish aliens probably.
37085	TT: She had an adoptive brother too. Life must have been miserable for both of them.
37086	GT: Yes i vaguely remember her mentioning him.
37087	GT: Cripes the things she told me now that i think about it. She said the witch even killed her dog!
37088	GT: Is that true?
37089	TT: I don't know, but wouldn't doubt it.
37090	TT: There are other urban legends that she did a lot of experiments on animals and people. Mostly to do with mind control.
37091	TT: Like figuring out ways to unlock all of her psychic alien potential, to increase her power.
37092	TT: Not sure if that's true, or if it was actually successful though.
37093	GT: So what youre saying is pretty much any unspeakably horrible thing she could have done she probably did?
37094	TT: Yes.
37095	TT: Anyway, your grandma managed to run away when she was quite young. Maybe it was a traumatic event like dog murder that prompted her to flee, who knows.
37096	TT: Whatever the case, her bro stayed behind. The guy must have been seriously immune to witnessing fucked up shit, because he went on to be a famous comedian. A real kindly old cornball. A nicer guy you couldn't hope to meet, they say.
37097	GT: Haha wow. Must have been a hell of a guy.
37098	TT: So...
37099	TT: You're not making any connections there?
37100	GT: Where? Huh?
37101	TT: Famous comedian, about the age of your grandma, inheriting the family name of the Baroness...
37102	TT: Not ringing a bell?
37103	GT: What are you talking about! Dirk stop speaking in riddles and keep telling the story i am on tenterhooks here!
37104	TT: Ok, well it's not like it's that important. Just a super obvious thing that'll probably occur to you later when you're looking in the fridge you don't have, at which point you'll feel like an idiot.
37105	GT: Oh my god you can be one opaque motherfucker just clue me in bro!
37106	TT: Nah, it'll be funnier this way.
37107	GT: STRIIIIIIDEEEERRRRRRRR!!!!!
37108	TT: Moving on.
37109	TT: That kid kept the family name but obviously your grandma didn't.
37110	TT: She must've held a grudge against the Baroness her whole life. She started by taking a different name she knew would stick in her craw.
37111	GT: Oh! I remember this.
37112	GT: I believe she said the witch used to be married to a terrible man named english.
37113	GT: So because the witch really hated that guy she took on his name as sort of a big ole fuck you to the woman?
37114	TT: That's probably close to the truth, but it sounds like the kind of story an old lady tells her young grandson in a way he would understand. Or at least wouldn't scare the shit out of him.
37115	TT: What I've read is something much more sinister, as usual.
37116	TT: There's supposedly only one thing the Baroness fears, and your grandma learned of this somehow.
37117	TT: It wasn't an ex husband though. It was her superior. Some kind of demon, or another alien, no one really knows. But he went by the name English. He's supposedly even more brutal than she is, if you can believe that.
37118	GT: So im named after a demon? What kind of demon is named english anyway?
37119	TT: What kind of alien is named Crocker? It's probably just a name he stole from someone else, like the Baroness did.
37120	GT: I guess its kind of cool being named after a demon whos so scary even the witch is afraid of him.
37121	TT: Yeah, well, your grandma thought so.
37122	TT: Everything she did in life thereafter seemed to be in effort to piss off the batterwitch.
37123	TT: Like starting a competing tech company, heavily branded in a way that was presumably intended to remind the Baroness of her boss.
37124	TT: Like with skulls and garish colors and shit. The dude is some kind of skull monster I guess?
37125	GT: I love skulls!
37126	TT: I know.
37127	TT: It was definitely brave on her part, but ultimately it got her a bankrupt company, a blown up house, and a fork through the torso for her trouble.
37128	TT: But she must have been the first to understand how dangerous the Baroness was, while acting in covert opposition.
37129	TT: Others would follow, and continue to as of now, in your time period.
37130	GT: These are your ancestors?
37131	TT: Yeah, mine and Roxy's were among them.
37132	GT: Anyone ive heard of?
37133	TT: Of course. All these fuckers are totally famous, obviously.
37134	GT: Oh sure obviously.
37135	TT: We've talked about the guy I'm genetically derived from a lot actually.
37136	TT: Like, you know, every time I've ever talked about my bro?
37137	GT: Gadzooks of course!!!
37138	GT: With all your future mindfuckery you made me completely forget about your vaunted hollywood sibling.
37139	GT: I shoulda asked where he fit into the picture if you were raised alone. I can be dumb as a bag of penny candy sometimes.
37140	TT: Sometimes.
37141	TT: Other times you're on point, like a bag of the nickel shit.
37142	GT: Whoa now those are the sweets kept in reserve for millionaires. Such flattery!
37143	TT: Ok, what we're sayin' stopped meaning anything, so I'll continue.
37144	GT: Right. So then he was never actually your bro?
37145	TT: No, that's just kind of how I view him.
37146	TT: Lalonde took a more maternal view of her ancestor.
37147	GT: The lady who wrote all the dreary wizard books i presume?
37148	TT: Yeah, the CotL series. Ever read it?
37149	GT: No i tried its too depressing. And also uh kind of impossible to understand?
37150	GT: I told roxy i liked it though i didnt want to hurt her feelings so dont say i said that.
37151	GT: I think ill wait for the movies to come out i bet ill like those better.
37152	TT: You don't say?
37153	GT: I do say! Hey you mustve seen them what being in the future are they any good?
37154	TT: They are not.
37155	GT: Phooey to that. Like i even believe you!
37156	TT: The books are pretty interesting though, if somewhat dense.
37157	TT: They're supposedly heavily allegorical. Veiled representations of cosmic events surrounding the witch and her boss and how all this came about.
37158	TT: It's the kind of thing you wouldn't pick up on unless you were someone who understood what happened, like the Condesce, which was kind of the point. I think it was her way of letting the witch know, "I'm on to you."
37159	TT: In the early days of the resistance movement they both opposed her more indirectly, through their art, like critics of tyrannical governments often used to.
37160	TT: They had to be careful. Didn't want to make big waves too early.
37161	TT: My bro did this too with his many fine films.
37162	TT: Practically everything was a symbol for something. Either in mockery of the batterwitch, or conveying some hidden message to its audience. Each film was always rigorously picked apart for its head-scratching symbolic meaning.
37163	TT: But he managed to accomplish all that without ever compromising the purity of his ironic vision, which I think was admirable.
37164	GT: Fuck yes the sbahj films RULE.
37165	GT: Screw the haters! Thats what i say.
37166	TT: You also say that about Weekend at Bernies.
37167	GT: Man that is a scandalous mischaracterization. Nobody hates weekend at bernies!
37168	GT: The WAB films are generally regarded as so unremarkably mediocre they dont even attract any trolls who care enough to shit on it. Believe me ive tried to get in debates with people about it!
37169	TT: Yeah, you pretty much touche'd the fuck out of that.
37170	TT: But we are definitely in agreement about my bro's films as the masterstrokes they were.
37171	TT: He just kept cranking them out, too. He really stepped up production after 11/11/11, even though the cat was finally out of the bag. He was very dedicated to his craft.
37172	GT: Dang i can hardly wait to see them!
37173	TT: Yeah. I wouldn't hold your breath about that.
37174	GT: Why not?
37175	TT: Man, fuck it. I'll just send you them.
37176	GT: !!!!!!!!!
37177	TT: Just keep a lid on them. We don't need any weird causality shit rearing its head here. That would be dumb.
37178	GT: I will guard each glistening compression artifact with my life, as if a jewel pilfered from a tomb.
37179	TT: Which was the last you saw?
37180	GT: Well there was sbahj the movovie and sbahj the the film...
37181	GT: Oh yeah and sbahaj the movle. I think sbahj the moive is still in production right?
37182	GT: But honestly i get confused about which particular misspelling is attributed to which film or even if im getting the misspellings right.
37183	TT: The key to sorting it all out is to understand it doesn't actually matter.
37184	TT: Through video streaming services he would frequently set it up so that buying a certain title would ship you the wrong film.
37185	TT: And often titles for movies were available for sale that just straight up didn't exist. Or would be sold for dollar amounts that made no sense, like $2.890.1. And sometimes buying a download would actually deposit money into your account instead of deducting from it.
37186	TT: It was all part of the "experience."
37187	GT: Your forebears are certainly entrepreneurial if nothing else.
37188	GT: I can get behind the idea of making a killing if it means i also get to be as good at doing adventures as i hope to be.
37189	GT: Did they ever bring the battle to the witchs doorstep or were the blows dealt strictly through public masquerades and theatrics?
37190	TT: Yeah, they got pretty deep into the shit eventually.
37191	TT: They were both very skilled combatants. I'm pretty sure she had some weird powers too.
37192	GT: Powers you say?
37193	TT: Communion with occult forces. Something like that.
37194	TT: She knew things. Had visions. It's why she was able to write those books, and more importantly, why Roxy and I were able to survive here.
37195	GT: How?
37196	TT: They knew we would be here some day. So they prepared for our arrival.
37197	TT: I live in what used to be my bro's old apartment four hundred years ago. The whole city is gone, but this one unit was somehow protected.
37198	TT: He left some supplies for me here. Like a lifetime supply of orange soda in the crawl space, along with a fuck ton of SBaHJ merch. It was like discovering my own personal holocaust of bulbous jutting bottoms.
37199	TT: Plus some weapons, some other gear. And a killer pair of shades.
37200	TT: Roxy's mom used to live in her place too, and left some stuff she might need lying around. This was way before there were Carapacian colonies though.
37201	TT: I think her house must have been a kind of kernelized structure, like a potential colony. Something built to undergo modular self replication if activated.
37202	TT: I'm sure her mom knew that. It's been a good way for Rox to blend in.
37203	TT: I stick out like a sore thumb here of course, but it hasn't really been a problem yet.
37204	GT: So...
37205	GT: They knew you would show up in the future some day and prepared for that...
37206	GT: Doesn't that mean they also knew they weren't going to be able to stop the witch?
37207	TT: Probably.
37208	TT: But they went down fighting anyway.
37209	GT: Wow.
37210	GT: Thats brave and kind of sad.
37211	TT: Yeah. But wouldn't you?
37212	GT: Of course!!!!!
37213	GT: You always go down guns blazing. Thats what a hero does when he loves adventure and has guns.
37214	GT: If theres one thing movies have taught me besides the fact that guys using a corpse as a silly puppet is friggin HILARIOUS it is THAT FACT.
37215	TT: It's not like their rebellion was totally futile.
37216	TT: They took a lot of shitheads down with them.
37217	GT: Who?
37218	TT: Sympathizers.
37219	GT: Eugh! Just the thought of such scoundrels turns my stomach!
37220	TT: They should.
37221	TT: In order for you to understand, I'll have to fill you in on the ridiculous final gasps of human civilization, taking place over the several decades leading up to its absolute enslavement.
37222	TT: The decades which immediately followed the "rebranding."
37223	TT: As I mentioned, Crockercorp's rebranding on 3-11, as it was often referred to in the news, totally changed everything.
37224	TT: It marked the beginning of a completely shameless downward spiral of western civilization, through a series of events that were probably hard to notice at the time, but quite glaring when evaluated historically.
37225	TT: Though the Baroness made very few substantive gestures of aggression, the global fear of her looming threat would trigger all the changes she needed.
37226	TT: Governments prepared for war, as if to defend against the invading alien armies she undoubtedly commanded.
37227	TT: But of course, she had no army. She was always the only of her kind.
37228	TT: Instead, the world powers were only setting about to build her armies for her.
37229	TT: The media deteriorated into this preposterous circus that was in all practical ways inseparable from the power base and government institutions.
37230	TT: Popular entertainers became dangerous demagogues, and their roles in the media blurred with those of executive authority.
37231	TT: And the most dangerous were the ones who fed into the fear and hysteria most effectively.
37232	TT: These tended to be plants. Unscrupulous shills paid by the Baroness to move her agenda forward.
37233	GT: Dang.
37234	GT: I would like to think i will not be suckered by their silvery tongues whenever they come along.
37235	TT: Well the thing is, most of them are already on the scene in your time.
37236	GT: Who!
37237	TT: Ever hear of Guy Fieri?
37238	GT: No?
37239	GT: I dont think so.
37240	TT: You're fortunate then.
37241	TT: He was an especially degenerate piece of filth.
37242	TT: He used his connections and guile to wriggle into the spotlight, and then on to other positions of power.
37243	TT: He somehow landed on the U.S. Supreme Court. Over the years, other justices started mysteriously disappearing without being replaced.
37244	TT: After helping rewrite the constitution to form an incomprehensible patchwork of fascism, theocratic mandates, recipes, and bad rap lyrics, he weaseled his way up the ranks to become the High Chaplain of Interstellar War.
37245	TT: I'm just gonna cut to the chase, cause really this ain't a big history lesson here.
37246	TT: He eventually came to be regarded as the third and final Antichrist.
37247	TT: No other human in history was responsible for more death and suffering.
37248	GT: That boorish cur!!!
37249	TT: Yes, that's exactly the phrase I would use to describe someone responsible for the extermination of five billion people.
37250	TT: It was just so uncivilized of him.
37251	GT: How could such an atrocity be allowed to happen?
37252	GT: Was his personal magnetism really that overwhelming?
37253	TT: Maybe overwhelming in the wrong direction, yeah.
37254	TT: But it didn't happen overnight. It was a gradual decline in the integrity of the system that allowed it.
37255	TT: Eventually the wheels came off and the political scene mirrored the absurdity of the media circus.
37256	TT: By the time Presidents Jay and Dope were elected, western civilization had officially fucked itself over forever, and I think everyone knew it.
37257	GT: Oh no.
37258	GT: When does that happen?
37259	TT: 2024. The last free election the world would ever see.
37260	GT: So like...
37261	GT: They were on the ticket together? As president and vice president?
37262	TT: No, man.
37263	TT: They were both president.
37264	TT: They were the first Dual-Presidents of the United States of America. Also the last.
37265	TT: They were also the first and last juggalo presidents. The founding fathers warned us about this, but nobody listened.
37266	GT: They did? Warned us about what exactly?
37267	TT: The Mirthful Executives.
37268	TT: George Washington had prophetic nightmares about them. He tried to warn people, and get language amended to the constitution to prevent it.
37269	TT: Like forbidding the election of what he famously described as "a pair of salty bards," or "unruly jesters given to the sweet drink."
37270	TT: But everyone just thought he toked too hard on the colonial cannabis or whatever.
37271	GT: Im not sure i follow. These are like clown presidents or such?
37272	TT: Yes. They were a shitty rap duo from your time.
37273	TT: But they ran a hell of a campaign. By then the juggalo party had gotten huge. While the numerous other candidates split the moderate vote, they retained a very energized and devoted base.
37274	TT: You could say their party had a big tent.
37275	GT: Dirk i really dislike the future you are describing.
37276	TT: Hey me too.
37277	TT: They were swept into office on a wave of Faygo, and the presidential inauguration was the biggest Gathering of the Juggalos of all time.
37278	TT: They all hosed each other down on the Whitehouse lawn with shitty soda. The "D.C." in the capital thereafter officially stood for "Dark Carnival."
37279	TT: Of course their campaign was helped considerably by having support from the Baroness.
37280	TT: In retrospect, people developed the impression that it was all a part of her sick sense of humor.
37281	TT: There was this sense that she just loved the idea of delegating the extreme subjugation of the world's population to a pair of demented clown rappers.
37282	TT: Some have speculated this was just another way she was attempting to resurrect her previous model of governance, though this seems kinda far fetched to me.
37283	TT: Who the fuck ever heard of an alien juggalo? To me this is about as stupid as the crackpot theories get.
37284	GT: I still dont really know what a juggalo is.
37285	GT: Do they juggle?
37286	TT: Don't worry about it.
37287	TT: People were less prepared for a double juggalo presidency than they ever imagined.
37288	TT: I'm not even going to get into all the horrifying details. Trust me, you just start to feel dirty reading about it.
37289	TT: From the moment Fieri held up the bible to swear them in, and the three of them proceeded to publically defecate on it while freestyling rap lyrics...
37290	TT: That was it. Everyone in the world watching it on TV just said, "Welp. Show's over. Civilization was pretty cool while it lasted."
37291	TT: The next several grueling terms of their presidency was a weird combination of authoritarian practices. The Baroness used it as a puppet regime, while still basically giving them carte blanche to carry out their idiotic whims.
37292	TT: Faygo was pumped through the plumbing instead of tap water. The new national pastime was having type 2 diabetes. And the national anthem was replaced by a 3 minute high-reverb audio clip of President Jay farting into a microphone while laughing.
37293	TT: Chaplain Fieri was authorized to set up the death camps, in which anyone on the planet could be imprisoned if they were not deemed sufficiently "mirthful."
37294	TT: And so the cleansing began, priming humanity for its new ruler waiting in the wings.
37295	TT: This was when our ancestors had enough.
37296	TT: The resistance movement had failed, but they could at least bring the war criminals to justice.
37297	TT: My bro finally caught up with the presidents and challenged them to a duel.
37298	TT: They accepted, having for years regarded him as a cocky rival rapper who failed to show them the proper respect. In their arrogance they invited him into the foul belly of the Carnival believing they could teach him once and for all what it truly meant to be down with the clown.
37299	TT: For centuries thereafter, survivors of the Hilarocaust would cite the rooftop showdown as one of the most heroic moments in human history.
37300	TT: He killed them both.
37301	TT: Unfortunately, as they were only figureheads, no liberation followed. There would be no parades in the streets, or statues cast, or medals awarded.
37302	TT: The few witnesses would report seeing only a man with a sword on a shitty skateboard, gently rising into the night sky.
37303	TT: No one ever saw him again.
37304	TT: Meanwhile, Roxy's mom was tracking down the High Chaplain.
37305	TT: His crimes had already been committed. She couldn't repay them by any stretch of the imagination.
37306	TT: But she could wipe the blood stained grin off that fat bastard's face.
37307	TT: She gouged his eyes with a pair of needles.
37308	TT: And rode his torso to the bottom of the bloody falls.
37309	TT: Reports of what happened to our ancestors after that are sketchy.
37310	TT: There were no eye witness accounts I've found, but some believe they regrouped and confronted the Condesce herself.
37311	TT: With all her high ranking officers dead, and the human population decimated and sufficiently groomed for her arrival, there was no reason to stay behind the scenes anymore.
37312	TT: After those dreadful years of putting up with a more vulgar brand of authoritarianism, when she finally stepped forward to claim her throne, it actually came off as somewhat dignified. Elegant, in a way.
37313	TT: She was no less severe, but at least she knew how to act like an empress.
37314	TT: But even if they did manage to confront her, there was no way they could win. She had too many crazy alien powers.
37315	TT: Her boss supposedly had jacked her power level through the roof. I even heard, and don't quote me on this, that she may have been over 9000.
37316	GT: Heavens to betsy.
37317	GT: That figure is just absurd.
37318	TT: Yeah.
37319	TT: And that's not even to speak of the generic smorgasbord of other powers she was rumored to have.
37320	TT: It gets hard to separate the fact from the urban myth.
37321	TT: But for reference, if you want to believe it all, just picture all the X-Men combined into one sexy fish woman in a skin tight suit.
37322	GT: Whoa momma.
37323	TT: Whatever actually went down, they're surely both dead now.
37324	TT: I guess it had to happen like that, though.
37325	TT: There's no way the Condesce would allow us to be born within even a century of our genetic forebears. The thought of that was completely disgusting to her.
37326	TT: But I really would have liked to be able to meet them.
37327	TT: I guess some things would just be too awesome to ever stand a chance of happening.
37328	GT: Yeah i know the feeling. :(
37329	GT: Wait...
37330	TT: What?
37331	GT: Dirk didnt you tell me at some point that you did find evidence the witch killed them?
37332	TT: As of now? No.
37333	GT: Are you sure? I SWEAR i remember you saying something about that.
37334	TT: How could I have said anything like that before today? This was obviously the first time I mentioned any of this.
37335	GT: Oh.
37336	GT: I am just having the NUTTIEST deja vu thing going on now. I feel weird.
37337	TT: ...
37338	GT: I guess i am mistaken. Never mind.
37339	TT: Ok.
37340	TT: I will disregard your anomalous observation for now and continue conversing as if it never happened.
37341	GT: Right. Good plan.
37342	GT: Um.
37343	GT: Anyhoo thats a heck of a tragic and thrilling tale dirk.
37344	GT: I am still totally cockeyed and catawampus about it all i dont even know what to think.
37345	TT: But you believe me, right?
37346	GT: Oh yeah every word of it!
37347	TT: Wow.
37348	GT: Why shouldnt i? You are my friend and i trust you.
37349	TT: I still just think it's impressive, is all. Even after all this time. You are pretty much a one of a kind dude.
37350	GT: Heh not really i just like believing stuff and believing in people.
37351	GT: Wait what do you mean?
37352	TT: About what?
37353	GT: When you said after all this time?
37354	GT: You just told me now!
37355	TT: Yes.
37356	GT: Hang on.
37357	GT: Blarg! The deja vuey shit is happening again!!!
37358	GT: Okay i am SURE weve had this conversation before so many things are familiar.
37359	GT: I remember you saying the one of a kind dude thing and i remember saying the word catawampus and...
37360	GT: All of it!
37361	GT: Whats going on?
37362	TT: Took you long enough to figure it out.
37363	TT: Pages really are a slow burning class. Damn.
37364	GT: Figure what out!
37365	TT: You're asleep.
37366	GT: Oh.
37367	GT: Thats right. I fell off the platform thing and i guess i got knocked out?
37368	TT: Yep.
37369	GT: So im dreaming.
37370	TT: Kinda.
37371	TT: It's a dream bubble.
37372	GT: Whats that?
37373	TT: A place in the infinite abyss where sleeping people can share dreams with each other while revisiting memories.
37374	TT: Also where they can meet dead people.
37375	GT: So we are sharing a dream together?
37376	GT: And youre currently asleep too? Uh. Currently in the future?
37377	TT: No.
37378	TT: Even if I was, I wouldn't visit a dream bubble. That only happens when your dream self is dead, like yours is.
37379	TT: Mine is not.
37380	GT: Hm. I guess i understand?
37381	GT: So whats the deal then? Wait.
37382	GT: You said this is where they meet dead people too...
37383	GT: Shit! Dirk are you dead? Are you a ghost!?
37384	TT: No, dude. Chill. I'm fine.
37385	GT: Then what the fuck is going on! Who am i talking to?
37386	TT: Well, who are the people you talk to when you have a regular dream?
37387	GT: What? Uh...
37388	TT: Like just a boring normal dream, and there's a person you're talking to. Who is that?
37389	GT: I dont know?
37390	TT: It's nobody. Just a projection of your own mind.
37391	TT: Dream bubbles don't always need to be shared by dreamers or dead people. You can go to sleep and wake up in one alone, reliving an old memory.
37392	TT: Kind of like a normal dream. Until you remember it's just a memory, which is where we are now.
37393	GT: Okay.
37394	GT: So.
37395	GT: I am having like a lucid dreamy thing in a magic bubble and you are just like a figment of my imagination?
37396	TT: Yes, basically.
37397	GT: So im talking to myself! Thats kind of stupid!
37398	TT: Well, yeah. But not quite.
37399	TT: You could view me as a projection of the real Dirk within your mind, as expressed through all of your thought patterns about him.
37400	TT: So I'm kind of a splinter of his corporeal self who happens to live in your awareness.
37401	TT: I'm a startlingly close approximation to the real thing, for all intents and purposes.
37402	GT: Just how startlingly close are we talking?
37403	TT: I'm not going to give you a bogus percentage like the glasses cause that's not my shtick.
37404	TT: But pretty damn close.
37405	GT: Okay thats fair.
37406	GT: But.
37407	GT: Man.
37408	GT: There is something that feels kind of weird about this. You being in my head... its a little messed up!
37409	TT: What's messed up about it?
37410	TT: You were the one who put me here, with your intimate understanding of all his mannerisms and predilections.
37411	TT: And a splintered existence is pretty much how he rolls.
37412	TT: This is how shit is bro.
37413	GT: Ok im sorry for saying its messed up but...
37414	GT: Its still a bit frustrating! Ive been trying to talk to you all day.
37415	GT: But all i get is your pesky responder bedeviling me at every turn and your friggin robot punching me across the ocean and then throwing a weird tantrum and ripping his nuclear heart out in front of me.
37416	GT: And if that werent enough i tumbled off the doohickey and knocked myself out and now im strolling down memory lane with your fake brain ghost!
37417	GT: Its like you are surrounding me from all sides with imitations of yourself but never the REAL YOU!!!
37418	GT: Cheese and fucking crackers when do i just get to talk to the actual dirk?
37419	TT: Jake, what do you even know about someone's actual self?
37420	TT: What makes it actual? What is "actuality?"
37421	GT: What a horseshitty question!
37422	GT: I dont know anything about actuality i guess but i know some philosobabble horseshit when i dadblasted hear it.
37423	TT: I'm just saying, this isn't really your field of expertise.
37424	TT: Dirk is the heart guy. He's the one walking the path of self, even when he doesn't know it. Like right now.
37425	GT: But what does that mean?
37426	GT: And how can you really be made of only my thoughts when i dont even know what youre talking about sometimes?
37427	GT: Or when i didnt know some of the things youre telling me? Like about being in a dream bubble?
37428	GT: How can i tell myself about that stuff through brain ghost dirk!
37429	TT: Who says you don't know those things on some level?
37430	GT: I dont think i do!
37431	GT: I have no business knowing those things.
37432	TT: Pages have a lot of untapped potential.
37433	TT: That's practically all there is to the class, actually.
37434	TT: But when they eventually find it, look out.
37435	TT: And the ones who deal in hope? Shit, man.
37436	TT: I'm scared of you already, and I'm not even real.
37437	GT: Are you sure you arent real?
37438	GT: No offense but I kind of get the same smartass vibe from you as i do from the responder.
37439	GT: Like har har i have the same basic personality as dirk but without any accountability or anything so let me just be kind of flippant and mess with this jake fellas head!
37440	GT: You know what im saying?
37441	TT: Yes.
37442	TT: That's a surprisingly decent observation about me.
37443	GT: Yeah see i think i maybe did a little TOO good of a job brain cloning you? This is way too much like talking to the REAL fake dirk.
37444	GT: Holy cow what a dumb sentence that was.
37445	TT: You did do a good job.
37446	TT: A perfect job, in fact.
37447	TT: Untapped potential, remember?
37448	TT: I don't think one of Dirk's splinters could exist nearly as well in anyone's mind other than yours.
37449	GT: Well thats just spiffy for me but im starting to feel somewhat like im being haunted by you now.
37450	GT: I just want to talk to my real buddy. And by real i just mean the ORIGINAL GUY.
37451	TT: What do you even want to say to him?
37452	GT: Oh i dont know.
37453	TT: It's not like you can keep any secrets from me here.
37454	TT: I pretty much am your brain.
37455	GT: Aaah! No dont say that its so weird.
37456	TT: You do realize he's coming for you.
37457	TT: Dirk. In the real world. The man has his designs.
37458	GT: Yes. I know.
37459	TT: Wanna talk about it?
37460	GT: With you? No!! Thats like...
37461	GT: Thats like talking to him about it which is like really jumping the gun i think.
37462	TT: What better chance is there to try talking about it than with a stunt double for your hyper-aggressive suitor within the safety and privacy of your own mind?
37463	GT: But i cant yet! I just cant.
37464	GT: There are some feelings im not sure how to put into words yet and doing it in front of you whether youre a stunt double or brain puppet or whatever it just makes me feel uncomfortable!
37465	TT: So there are feelings you don't want to try to put into words, even while you are dwelling entirely within the realm of your own mind?
37466	GT: Yes.
37467	GT: What is so hard to understand about that?
37468	TT: What about the spider ghost?
37469	GT: Huh?
37470	TT: The girl you saw.
37471	TT: When you got fucking clobbered by Dirk's robot and you passed out.
37472	TT: You dreamed about a spider ghost alien girl.
37473	GT: Oh yeah.
37474	GT: What about her?
37475	TT: You like her.
37476	GT: Man what?
37477	GT: Thats dumb i saw her for three seconds and she waved at me and i woke up!
37478	TT: Yeah, and it took all of three seconds for you to fall in love with the cute spider ghost.
37479	GT: Why do you keep calling her a ghost??
37480	TT: Cause she's been dead for a zillion years, dude.
37481	GT: Oh. Well.
37482	GT: Holy shit?
37483	TT: That won't change the fact that you like her, let's not pretend it will.
37484	TT: You're going to make things complicated for yourself.
37485	GT: No i wont.
37486	TT: Yeah you will. You're too fuckin' wishy washy.
37487	TT: Between Dirk, spider ghost, Jane...
37488	TT: Man, poor Jane.
37489	GT: What? What about jane?
37490	TT: You tell me.
37491	TT: What was even the deal with that?
37492	GT: Our last chat ended on very pleasant and amicable terms! She was upbeat and chipper as ever. I fail to see what reason one might have to feel sorry for her.
37493	TT: Uh, yeah. You totally read her like a book.
37494	TT: Really handled that conversation like a champ.
37495	GT: Wait... didnt i?
37496	TT: Look out bitches. It's Jake "Casanova Ladyslayer" English. He's packing heat, and is frequently able to parse the literal meaning of things women say.
37497	GT: What are you getting at!
37498	TT: We're running out of time.
37499	TT: She'll be here soon.
37500	GT: Jane?!
37501	TT: No, doofus.
37502	TT: Spider ghost.
37503	GT: Whoa.......
37504	GT: Whoa ok.
37505	GT: Where? Wait. She is??
37506	GT: Oh fuck.
37507	TT: Look at you. I'm telling you.
37508	TT: Three damn seconds of ogling an alien in a blue dress, and you're completely hopeless.
37509	TT: Stop fidgeting around like that. Your hair looks fine.
37510	TT: Do you want me to tell you how your breath smells?
37511	GT: Screw you!!!
37512	GT: I am cool as SUCH a cucumber.
37513	TT: Ok then.
37514	GT: Uh.
37515	GT: Why does my breath not smell ok?
37516	TT: You're dreaming, Jake.
37517	TT: Your breath is only a thing if your brain wants it to be.
37518	GT: Oh okay whew.
37519	GT: When is she coming? Why is she visiting my dreams?
37520	TT: Soon.
37521	TT: She's been waiting for the right time to enter. Waiting for you to snap out of the memory.
37522	TT: Clearly the girl has the patience of a saint.
37523	GT: Alright...
37524	GT: Dang! Its warm in this dream bubble. How can i be sweating in a dream??
37525	GT: Where do i keep the dream towels...
37526	TT: Will you calm the fuck down?
37527	TT: I'm a figment of your imagination, and you're still making me nervous.
37528	GT: But really who is she? Whats her deal and what does she want from me?
37529	GT: Since all this so called untapped potential in my subconscious taking the form of yet another sassy dirk clone seems to know everything would it be ok if i troubled my own brain for a few flipping answers???
37530	TT: You should try to be more polite to me. Seeing as I am a representation of your entire mind, I have complete control over all your basic functions.
37531	TT: I could trigger a particularly spirited bowel movement right before she gets here, so watch your step.
37532	GT: Augh no no no im sorry im sorry dont!
37533	TT: Just kidding, dude. Jesus.
37534	TT: I would never make you shit your pants in front of a girl you liked, even if she does happen to be my chief competition.
37535	TT: We Dirk splinters can be pretty Machiavellian but we do actually have some fuckin' standards.
37536	GT: Okay. Thank you for promising to keep my trousers tidy.
37537	TT: Anyway, she's visiting now to bring you into the loop on some things.
37538	TT: Important details you should know about your relation to the bigger picture.
37539	TT: The much, much bigger picture.
37540	GT: I still dont understand how you know... or excuse me MY BRAIN knows this stuff. Because im a page? How does that make sense?
37541	GT: And also if you know the things she will say why dont you just tell me the things?
37542	TT: Intuition and the subconscious mind are powerful things when harnessed the right way.
37543	TT: As for why I don't tell you, why not just let her tell you?
37544	TT: You're the one with the damn crush on her.
37545	GT: Ok dude shes here shoosh!
37546	TT: I know.
37547	GT: Oh man. Ummmm...
37548	TT: What the fuck are you looking at me for?
37549	TT: Say something to her, jackass.
37550	GT: Okay i will i will youre distracting me though! Can you scoot over a bit?
37551	TT: Oh my god. Fine.
37552	GT: Hi there! Welcome! Er...
37553	GT: Dont mind him hes just a brain clone of my best friend. I know that sounds crazy. Heh.
37554	TT: Bro, she can't even see or hear me.
37555	TT: You're making a fool of yourself.
37556	GT: Wait she cant? Why didnt you tell me that!!! You are really throwing me off here.
37557	TT: I don't know, I guess I didn't think you were going to have a neurotic meltdown at the sight of a girl.
37558	GT: I thought you were supposed to know stuff like that seeing as you are LITERALLY MY BRAIN!
37559	TT: God dammit, will you just chillax and woo this fucking ghost babe?
37560	GT: How can i chillax when you keep talking to me its really disconcerting!!!!!
37561	TT: You are totally embarrassing yourself, dude. You're talking to nobody.
37562	TT: Man, I'm starting to feel bad for spider ghost. Look at her, she's getting uncomfortable.
37563	GT: Shhhh just SHUT UP i cant THINK!
37564	TT: You are being so lame, I don't care if I'm a figment of your imagination or not, I can't take this bullshit.
37565	TT: Either you get your shit together and put the moves on this dead space vixen or I start fucking with your cortex and make you pop a dream boner.
37566	GT: OH GOD NO DONT YOU DARE!!!!!!!!!
37567	TT: You don't think I'll do it?
37568	GT: NO PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DO NOT GIVE ME A BONER DIRK!!!
37569	TT: Sorry Jake. The plan's in motion.
37570	TT: Next stop, Boner City.
37571	GT: SO THAT WAS THE PLAN ALL ALONG???
37572	GT: TO GIVE ME A BONER???
37573	TT: And you
37574	TT: ...
37575	TT: ...
37576	TT: ...
37577	TT: ...
37578	TT: Got one.
37579	GT: YOU MOTHER FUCKER!
37580	GT: OH...
37581	GT: OH TEE HEE A FALSE ALARM I SEE VERY FUNNY COOL GUY!
37582	GT: I THINK YOU ARE FULL OF SHIT!
37583	GT: YOURE BLUFFING YOU DONT EVEN HAVE THE POWER TO GIVE ME A PHANTASMAL ERECTION!
37584	TT: Jake, please.
37585	TT: Members of the juggalo party aren't the only ones who can pitch a big tent.
37586	GT: THEN GO AHEAD! MAKE MY FUCKING DAY!
37587	GT: IM READY FOR YOU. YOU THINK IM AFRAID? ILL TAKE YOUR BONER MAGIC LIKE A MAN!
37588	GT: IM NOT ASHAMED! I WILL STAND TALL AND PROUD AT FULL MAST IN FRONT OF THIS PRETTY ALIEN!
37589	GT: DO YOUR WORST YOU BASTARD!!!!!
37590	TT: This is so stupid.
37591	TT: You are out of your mind. And this is coming from your mind itself.
37592	TT: I can't even watch this, I'm out of here.
37593	GT: WELL GOOD RIDDANCE TO IRONIC HIPSTER DOUCHEWAD RUBBISH IS WHAT I HAVE TO SAY ABOUT THAT!
37594	TT: I wonder what Jack's up to right now.
37595	GT: WHAT?
37596	GT: I mean... what? Whos jack?
37597	TT: Just talk to the girl, ok?
37598	TT: You have some damage control to do.
37599	You wake up locked in a deserted jail cell, completely alone. There is nothing at all in your cell, useful or otherwise.
37600	There are no objects around with which to "pry open window".
37601	Look at that. This frame is precisely identical to the previous frame. You advanced nothing whatsoever with that dumb idea.
37602	Do you realize this adventure is nearing 5000 panels? And now we have to watch you flounder around in a jail cell for god knows how long? Exactly how many panels do you want this to go on for? Over 9000? Nobody wants that. Nobody even wants to hear the phrase "over 9000."
37603	You need to begin making better decisions if you want to escape.
37604	What did you not understand about the statement, "There is nothing at all in your cell, useful or otherwise."
37605	There is no key.
37606	It is an extremely crude drawing of a key on the floor. Really, the drawing is so bad, it's ridiculous to think that some prankster thought it would fool you, which it did. Whoever drew this key clearly was employing the most primitive drawing tools available.
37607	You are obviously being fucked with in this stupid jail cell. You expect that you will continue to be fucked with, and it makes you wish you could stab something.
37608	WHAT FUCKING PUMPKIN. THERE IS NO PUMPKIN. ONCE AGAIN, THERE IS NOTHING AT ALL IN YOUR CELL, USEFUL OR oh god dammit.
37609	Ok, a pumpkin appears. You guess it must be feeding time for the prisoners. These Prospitian jails are like luxury suites compared to the penal system on Derse. Should be the softest time you ever did.
37610	What a horrible idea. You don't eat fresh produce. The thought is revolting to you. What do you think these sharp teeth are for? Or, what's left of them at least.
37611	You'll have to make a note to file a protest with your lawyer. Complain of cruel and unusual treatment. Their coddling criminal justice system will undoubtedly see to it you are given some proper meat to consume. Perhaps a prime cut of filet mignon, as if you are a guest of honor. What a bunch of powder puffs, with all their namby pamby morals and compassion. This kingdom makes you sick.
37612	You step up on the little curby thing to get a better look outside. Can't make a plan without getting your bearings.
37613	A lone sentry is on duty below. You shout a few obscenities his way. You wonder aloud what a guy has to do to get a decent meal around here. Hey, you're TALKING to that guy. It's no use though. He ignores you.
37614	Just look at that stoic face. The unshakeable discipline. The stalwart sense of duty and pride. This is what it means to be a member of the Prospitian Royal Guard.
37615	What a load of shit, you grumble to yourself, but loud enough for him to hear.
37616	That guy won't be of any use. You doubt you could even manage to lure him into your pissing radius, magnificent though it is.
37617	You give the pitiful gourd a little kick. A terrible thought occurs to you. What if you have no choice but to eat this awful thing? You can't let it come to that. You have to get out of here.
37618	Hold on, what's that...
37619	Eureka. Droll you beautiful bastard.
37620	Looks like he snuck something inside the pumpkin to help you escape. Probably a bomb. You are going to have to remember to give him a promotion when you get out of here. Or at least reduce his daily newspaper floggings.
37621	Need to think of a way to get the bomb out of there. Can't just smash it with your foot, or it might explode and take your leg off. Too bad they confiscated your knives or you could slice the thing open neatly. Maybe even carve a funny face into it. Heh heh, you bet you're the first guy who ever thought of doing that.
37622	Hang on. You remember seeing some pointy things just outside the window.
37623	Luckily both kingdoms are totally covered in pointy things. Can't swing a dead cat without impaling it on one.
37624	You snap off a golden pointy thing. Should be sharp enough to do the trick.
37625	It slices through the meat of the vegetable like a sharp spire through thick squash. This is working so well. Who the hell needs a trusty knife when you are this resourceful? Screw knives!
37626	You take it back, you can't stay mad at knives.
37627	You can taste your liberation already. You can't wait to hear the sweet ticking of the bomb that is definitely in there. That will be the sound of freedom, you decide.
37628	You pull off the lid to reveal...
37629	A whole bunch of knives.
37630	God DAMN it, Droll.
37631	He's not the sharpest tool in the shed. Although now that you think about it, he might be by default, since he just sent you all the sharpest tools in the shed.
37632	Oh well, you can probably get some use out of these. You've never once been disappointed to receive a pumpkin full of knives, and you're not about to make an exception.
37633	You take a quick inventory of the smuggled contraband.
37634	Hold on. Looks like he snuck something else in the pumpkin under all the knives. Something... compromising.
37635	The Droll knows what it's like spending long, cold nights alone in the clink. A man needs a little reading material to keep him company, if you know what he means.
37636	If your skin wasn't made of polished jet black carapace, your cheeks would be turning bright red. No one can ever know about this. You must destroy the evidence. Or disguise it somehow.
37637	None shall be the wiser. It is the perfect crime.
37638	When you bust out of prison, you should be locked right back up again because of how perfect this crime is.
37639	That should get the guy's attention.
37640	Unfortunately it only keeps his attention until he dies, which is almost instantly.
37641	You need to come up with a better plan. While you would argue that random stabbings are their own reward, they aren't getting you any closer to escape.
37642	That door is locked tight. You're going to need a key to open it. Preferably one that isn't horribly drawn on the floor to taunt you.
37643	Maybe if you knock hard enough, in just the right way, at just the right time...
37644	Wait for it... wait for it...
37645	Wait, no. Not yet.
37646	Wait for it...
37647	Wait...
37648	...
37649	Your clumsy fist accidentally flies through the bars, knocking out a passer-by. Keys from his key ring jangle on the floor.
37650	It's quite possible one of those keys will unlock your door. But they are all well out of reach now.
37651	What next, genius?
37652	You see if a knife can adequately lengthen your reach. But it's no use! They're still just outside of your modest slashing radius.
37653	No dice. Need a different approach.
37654	Wait a minute. Another guard notices your unauthorized tomfoolery and radios for backup.
37655	He looks none too pleased by your misbehavior. This will surely result in reduced rations. You can expect to find a slightly smaller pumpkin in your cell come Skaia rise, mister.
37656	You keep beckoning him. Just a little closer. A little closer...
37657	You use a little "persuasion" to see if you can get him too... Jack, no!!!
37658	That is not how you convince someone to do something. You're supposed to save the stabbing until AFTER you intimidate him into doing what you want! How exactly is a dead guy supposed to pick up some keys for you?!
37659	Real smooth, Jack. What's the plan now? To bury the keys under a growing pile of torsos? This is turning out to be the second shittiest jailbreak attempt anyone has ever seen.
37660	The only remaining thing in the room worth noting is in the other corner of your cell. Just a transport pad prisoners are supposed to use as a waste receptacle. These were decommissioned in Derse prisons a long time ago. Too many prisoner suicides, and severed heads showing up in the waste bins. None of those auto-decapitations were authorized with the right paperwork, so privileges had to be suspended.
37661	You hear the door open and slam shut. Someone else is in your cell.
37662	Looks like the sentry phoned downstairs for a little muscle. It's one of the regulator lugs they use to keep the gen pop in line. This guy has an itchy baton wrist and that look in his eye you know all too well. He's not leaving this room until one of you is good and bloody.
37663	You attempt to be this guy down here but you can't be this guy down here because he's dead.
37664	But it does serve as a convenient cutaway for the vicious beating that is currently taking place in your cell. We don't need to be watching that kind of prison brutality. We take our sweet time looking at this dead body while terrible noises can be heard from your prison window.
37665	Ok that should be long enough. You can stop being this guy now.
37666	You stop being the other guy in time for us to see that you have just finished quickly and cleanly subduing the...
37667	Jack.
37668	Jack, the man is dead. Stop that.
37669	Jack.
37670	Jack.
37671	Jack.
37672	You start to feel sorry for stabbing that guy with 7 knives in the back and bashing his face into the door 89 times. Well, maybe not all 89 times. For the first 88 you felt pretty good. But by the 89th face bashing, you were definitely starting to feel pretty sorry.
37673	And by sorry, you guess you mean bored.
37674	Anyway, you mutter something under your breath that could EASILY sound like an apology to someone who wasn't listening very well.
37675	Whatever the state of your contrition might be, there can be no question about it. A man dedicated to royal service deserves a proper and dignified funeral.
37676	However, since there is no casket in your cell that is nearly big enough for this lug's hefty torso, you will have to improvise.
37677	You sever the guard's head with your most trusted of all trusty knives, and begin sizing up that hollowed pumpkin.
37678	It will definitely be snug, but you think you can make it fit.
37679	You don't care what anyone says. You say this pumpkin was MADE for this fucker's melon. Fits like a damn glove.
37680	Perfect. A textbook burial for a man of honor and distinction.
37681	The sacrifices made by our public servants don't get anywhere near the respect they deserve, you think.
37682	His funeral will not be complete without a proper sendoff.
37683	But a stinking garbage dump is no place for the head of a brave soldier to rest. No, you must first make some modifications to the device. Doing hard time behind bars will motivate a man to learn a trick or two when it comes to systems like this.
37684	You open it up and switch a few wires around. There. Now instead of a nasty old pile of rotting pumpkin matter, the destination should be the throne room of the Prospitian palace! Surely the queen will want to be alerted to the noble sacrifice of this brave warrior so that arrangements can be made to honor the hero.
37685	You hear the door open again, followed by the sound of surly footsteps. Could it be that another glutton for a good face bashing has decided to visit your cell?
37686	Ah. You see. It appears there are quite a few said gluttons this time. Settle down, gentlemen. There are more than enough face bashings to go around.
37687	You be the other guy again while they beat you senseless.
37688	Suddenly you aren't the other guy anymore. You couldn't quite be the other guy anyway since he's dead, even though deadness hasn't really stopped us from being guys before.
37689	Nevertheless, the dead guy starts being Jake, who is not a dead guy. Well, his dream self is dead. But his non-dead non-dream self isn't, and that's the guy we're being, a guy who is asleep. That non-dead sleeping guy is presently talking to a non-sleeping dead ancient spider ghost, who long ago earned the achievement badge, GIFT OF GAB, and boy does she know how to use it.
37690	ARANEA: Well, Jake? Don't you have anything to say?
37691	JAKE: ...
37692	ARANEA: I think I've spent enough time introducing myself! You have hardly said a word.
37693	ARANEA: It would 8e nice to know whether my long story has confounded you in any particular way, or if you are just 8eing shy.
37694	JAKE: Uh...
37695	ARANEA: Yes?
37696	ARANEA: Jake, I understand this is very much to learn all at once, 8ut do you really want me to keep speaking until I am 8lue in the face?
37697	JAKE: ...
37698	JAKE: Gulp!
37699	ARANEA: You appear to 8e perspiring heavily.
37700	ARANEA: There is no reason to 8e so nervous, especially considering you are only dreaming.
37701	JAKE: Shit!
37702	JAKE: Sorry. I dont know where i put the dream towels.
37703	ARANEA: It's ok.
37704	ARANEA: Well, at the risk talking a8out myself a little more, I feel it would 8e dishonest not to confess.
37705	JAKE: What?
37706	ARANEA: I am a fairly gifted psychic.
37707	JAKE: Whoa really?
37708	ARANEA: Yes.
37709	JAKE: Like you can see the future?
37710	JAKE: Are they ghost powers or troll powers? Or wait shucks thats a dumb sounding question.
37711	ARANEA: No, that was a fine question. They're troll powers. Sometimes those of my 8lood type will have them naturally.
37712	ARANEA: And no, they are not prognosticative a8ilities. They let me access another's mind in a way that can 8e terri8ly invasive if a8used.
37713	JAKE: Invasive?
37714	ARANEA: Yes. Including the a8ility to control minds, when exploited fully.
37715	JAKE: Uh oh.
37716	ARANEA: 8ut don't worry. They don't seem to work the same way on your species. They're considera8ly weaker.
37717	ARANEA: The most I can do is get an empathic impression of your emotional state.
37718	ARANEA: So if I speculate that you are shy or nervous, it is 8ecause I can sense that you are.
37719	JAKE: Aw man youre kidding!
37720	JAKE: So much for trying to be cool i guess.
37721	JAKE: Although i probably blew that when you saw me yelling at nobody about boners and stuff.
37722	ARANEA: I wouldn't say you 8lew it, 8ut that was certainly odd.
37723	ARANEA: Who were you talking to, if you don't mind my asking?
37724	JAKE: That was like...
37725	JAKE: The brain ghost memory splinter of my best friend dirk who is stuck in my head and you cant see.
37726	JAKE: And he was kinda hassling me and trying to get me to talk to him about how his real self has a thing for me but i kind of think it would be weird to talk to his brain impostor about that? At least for now.
37727	JAKE: And then you showed up and you caught me at an awkward moment where he was threatening to make some bodily functions happen in front of you as a joke which would have been embarrassing as all blasted heck.
37728	JAKE: But now it turns out you can read my mind too so im surrounded by brain invaders!
37729	JAKE: You seem cool aranea but uh when am i going to wake up?
37730	ARANEA: I am not a 8rain invader though!
37731	ARANEA: I said I can only sense your emotions. I think it's polite to let people know 8efore long. Otherwise I 8egin to feel a 8it underhanded.
37732	JAKE: Ok. I guess thats not too bad.
37733	JAKE: I think i can keep my feelings buttoned up. That is what strong and adventurous gentlemen do i think. They keep a stiff upper lip even on the inside. That way they are never embarrassed and feel slightly more brave about stuff.
37734	ARANEA: 8ut you don't have to! That was not the point of my telling you.
37735	ARANEA: I'm used to sensing many things from people. There aren't any feelings you could have that would 8e that surprising to me or compromising to you.
37736	ARANEA: I really just want you to relax for the 8rief time we have in this 8u88le and talk to me.
37737	JAKE: Um gotcha.
37738	JAKE: But what should i talk about?
37739	ARANEA: Well, I have spent almost no time examining this iteration of your universe.
37740	ARANEA: The gods have given me very little access to it through the memories of others until now.
37741	ARANEA: I 8elieve they are finally 8eginning to 8ridge the divides 8etween long estranged compartments of reality, allowing previously unintroduced parties to mingle.
37742	ARANEA: Those from different universes, 8oth their initial iterations and their scratched re8oots. Those from different spheres, ones of creative potential and of mortality.
37743	ARANEA: Through us all they attempt to 8ring closure to unsanctioned loops and restore sta8ility to the cosmos.
37744	ARANEA: So I am curious a8out you and your friends. What is your life like?
37745	JAKE: My life?
37746	JAKE: I wish i could say it was more interesting but its actually been a mite lackluster.
37747	JAKE: There are monsters but i try to stay away from them to tell you the truth.
37748	JAKE: Its mostly just me sitting around here watching movies and stuff and sometimes polishing firearms.
37749	JAKE: Guns are sweet. So are movies heh. This is a terrible story.
37750	ARANEA: I understand. The same is mostly true for myself.
37751	ARANEA: I can sense that you are either very impressed or in some way intimidated 8y me, 8ut when it comes down to the 8asics, a description of my life would 8e 8oring as well.
37752	ARANEA: Why don't you show me around?
37753	JAKE: Show you around my room? Yes ok.
37754	JAKE: Well. There are some guns. Like i said guns are great.
37755	JAKE: There is a whole mess of movie posters on the wall. You probably never heard of any of them being a dead alien and such.
37756	ARANEA: Nope. ::::)
37757	JAKE: And...
37758	JAKE: I dont know. Theres a desk which i use to work on silly projects. And thats my bed i guess.
37759	JAKE: Ummmm and...
37760	JAKE: Hmm what else.
37761	DIRK: Dude, just FYI, you've been kind of staring at her.
37762	JAKE: (What? Shh!)
37763	ARANEA: What was that?
37764	JAKE: Nothing!
37765	DIRK: I'm not trying to fuck you up here, I promise. But you gotta watch what you're thinking, remember?
37766	JAKE: (Go away!!)
37767	DIRK: Oh man. No. See that thought you just had? That's exactly what I'm talking about.
37768	DIRK: She's a fucking empath, bro. She can pick up on shit like that.
37769	JAKE: (Shhhhh not listening to you.)
37770	ARANEA: Jake?
37771	JAKE: Nothing! Its cool. Im...
37772	DIRK: You have got to be kidding. Did you seriously just think something THAT dirty?
37773	DIRK: You must be doing this on purpose to spite me now. I mean, just wow dude. That was x-rated as fuck.
37774	JAKE: (No no stop. See youre talking about it and now i cant help it!)
37775	JAKE: (You are psyching me into having dirty thoughts get fucking lost you interloping brain douche!!!)
37776	DIRK: Don't worry, I'm gone. It's like a goddamn peep show in here and I feel like a sleazy piece of shit watching this from a dark corner of your mind.
37777	DIRK: You have a graphic imagination, English. I'm kind of impressed.
37778	JAKE: (Shut up theyre just thoughts its not even like im trying to have them THEY DONT MEAN ANYTHING!)
37779	ARANEA: Hmm.
37780	ARANEA: Should I leave and come 8ack during another dream?
37781	JAKE: No!!!
37782	ARANEA: Ok then.
37783	ARANEA: What's this? An illustrated story of some sort?
37784	JAKE: Oh hey whoa!
37785	JAKE: Lets not worry about that its nothing really. Here give me that ok?
37786	ARANEA: Why are you getting flustered a8out this literature?
37787	ARANEA: Is it pornographic?
37788	ARANEA: It does not strike me as indecent at a glance. Though may8e our cultures have different standards?
37789	JAKE: Hahaha what? No its not that at all its just...
37790	JAKE: I dunno its just a nerdy comic i read its no big deal.
37791	JAKE: Theres GOT to be other stuff to talk about lets see...
37792	ARANEA: Jake.
37793	JAKE: Huh?
37794	ARANEA: You know, it's not the first time I've sensed that someone felt a flushed attraction for me.
37795	JAKE: A flushed whatsit!!
37796	JAKE: Oh my flipping gosh...
37797	ARANEA: You really don't have to 8e so em8arrassed. It's perfectly ok.
37798	JAKE: Aaaaargh oh god oh god you sensed my stupid sexy thoughts i KNEW it.
37799	JAKE: God DAMN you bogus brain strider!
37800	JAKE: Someone needs to just kill me. Or at least make me wake up! This is so humiliating i dont even...
37801	JAKE: Can you please just slap me really hard? If not in retribution for my ungentlemanly train of thought then at least to just get me to wake up and save me from my own ceaseless buffoonery.
37802	ARANEA: Actually I do 8elieve it would 8e within the scope of my a8ilities to get you to wake up.
37803	ARANEA: 8ut do you really want me to do that?
37804	JAKE: Um... maybe?
37805	ARANEA: If it is true that you think I am attractive then why wouldn't you want to spend a little more time here with me? What's the harm?
37806	ARANEA: Are you really in such a hurry to leave and feel sorry for yourself, for no explica8le reason?
37807	JAKE: Well...
37808	JAKE: No.
37809	ARANEA: I already told you, Jake.
37810	ARANEA: I am used to sensing many different types of feelings.
37811	ARANEA: It's given me a different perspective on emotions than most have.
37812	ARANEA: For most, the feelings of others are often a mystery. So they are prone to speculation and paranoia a8out the motivations of people they meet.
37813	ARANEA: The emotions of others can seem like such well guarded mysteries, people 8egin to 8elieve that's how their own emotions should 8e treated as well. So when someone can read their thoughts easily it feels like a violation.
37814	ARANEA: 8ut to one accustomed to reading those thoughts, there isn't the same perception of violation or secrecy. It's more like examining other self evident facts a8out a person, like taking note of their appearance.
37815	ARANEA: It's still hard for non-psychics to understand this though, even if you explain it to them. It can lead to some awkward relationships, unfortunately.
37816	JAKE: I imagine it would.
37817	JAKE: So...
37818	JAKE: Youve sensed it when other fellas have had the hots for you eh?
37819	ARANEA: Fellows, yes. And ladies. It's happened.
37820	JAKE: Yowza!
37821	JAKE: You mustve been popular i guess.
37822	ARANEA: Haha! Oh no. No, not really.
37823	ARANEA: The fact that I've 8een the fleeting o8ject of attraction to a handful really paints the wrong social picture I'm afraid.
37824	JAKE: That is hard to believe.
37825	ARANEA: It's my experience that people very often underestimate their own lika8ility. I sense that feeling all the time.
37826	ARANEA: Pro8a8ly 8ecause they're in the dark a8out others' thoughts. They are usually in dou8t, so they frequently err on the side of pessimism.
37827	ARANEA: In many cases they would 8e surprised if they knew how many around them were open to friendship, or possi8ly something more.
37828	ARANEA: I would venture that if you had such a sense you even might 8e surprised yourself!
37829	JAKE: Ha! Thats a laugh.
37830	JAKE: I am quite sure my only suitor is my best bro and even then he is such a jumbled stupid puzzle of unfathomable ironies im not even sure about THAT half the time.
37831	JAKE: I wish i had your powers that would be top notch. Id be parked on the corner of relationship lane and EASY STREET.
37832	JAKE: I could kick back in my eligible bachelors limousine and never fuck up or ever say anything awkward like i have been doing non stop so far in this dream.
37833	ARANEA: Let's not get carried away. That certainly does not descri8e my experience.
37834	ARANEA: You would think 8eing a8le to sense the occasional attraction from others would 8e advantageous, and inspire confidence in yourself.
37835	ARANEA: And it is nice when that happens, sure.
37836	ARANEA: 8ut then, you feel the negative emotions directed at you as well.
37837	ARANEA: And even if they are less common than the positive ones, you have a way of dwelling on them, and magnifying them far 8eyond their real significance.
37838	ARANEA: It's funny how an a8ility that should give you all the advantages in the world over others can lead you to feel worse a8out yourself than if you never had them.
37839	ARANEA: You put all your energy into thinking a8out people with the 8ad feelings a8out you instead of the good, and you try your 8est to fix things.
37840	ARANEA: 8ut usually it just gets worse. People think you are over8earing and needy, and they don't understand what it is you want from them.
37841	ARANEA: I can see why it can drive some with my a8ilities to a8use the powers.
37842	ARANEA: Fortunately I was a8le to resist the temptation.
37843	JAKE: So there are people on your planet who do that?
37844	ARANEA: On the world I was from, it was rare. Only a few criminals and outcasts would.
37845	ARANEA: 8ut in the second iteration I mentioned, it was commonplace. Like I said, things were very different.
37846	ARANEA: In my world though, the higher castes have a lot of responsi8ilities. It wouldn't 8e right to a8use my powers.
37847	JAKE: So you were in a higher caste because of the hemospectrum thing you mentioned?
37848	ARANEA: Ah, so you were listening to my lengthy pream8le!
37849	JAKE: I heard all of it!
37850	JAKE: I was just um... well go on.
37851	ARANEA: Yes. 8lue 8loods like myself were higher than most.
37852	ARANEA: The jo8 of each 8lood caste was to serve the needs of all those 8elow it.
37853	ARANEA: We were to use our progressively greater longevity and wisdom to help the lower castes learn and grow. To listen to them and try to provide whatever they were missing. Like a hierarchy of caretakers with increasing social responsi8ility. When the order functioned in harmony our civilization would flourish.
37854	JAKE: That is sure a neat sounding science fiction utopia.
37855	JAKE: Wait duh i mean science reality.
37856	JAKE: But then it all went to shit because of that meddlesome demon?
37857	ARANEA: Yes.
37858	JAKE: The demon you say im supposed to defeat?
37859	ARANEA: Yes.
37860	JAKE: Hang on.
37861	JAKE: Would that be the same demon im named after?
37862	ARANEA: Who told you that?
37863	JAKE: Uh...
37864	JAKE: I guess technically my own brain did?
37865	ARANEA: That's interesting.
37866	ARANEA: I wasn't planning on mentioning that. Or at least not just yet.
37867	JAKE: Why?
37868	ARANEA: There's no reason to prematurely overcomplicate an already complicated tale.
37869	ARANEA: All facts will fall into place in due time.
37870	JAKE: Yeah.
37871	JAKE: But its true right?
37872	ARANEA: More or less.
37873	JAKE: Can you tell me anything more about this demon?
37874	JAKE: All i know is he might be a skull monster.
37875	JAKE: Wait he is a skull monster right?
37876	ARANEA: He most certainly is a skull monster.
37877	ARANEA: A very 8ig and angry skull monster.
37878	JAKE: Yessss. Ok but...
37879	JAKE: I feel like i should know more about him if im supposed to kill him.
37880	ARANEA: I didn't say you were supposed to kill him.
37881	ARANEA: He cannot 8e killed.
37882	ARANEA: Long ago he discovered the secret to indestructi8ility.
37883	JAKE: Oh...
37884	ARANEA: Defeating a foe doesn't always involve killing.
37885	ARANEA: He has had many incarnations in many universes.
37886	ARANEA: If you continue on your journey for long enough, you may encounter one of them.
37887	ARANEA: And if you have 8ecome strong enough 8y then, you may 8e a8le to defeat him in com8at.
37888	ARANEA: And if that comes to pass, it would 8e the first defeat he has ever known.
37889	ARANEA: You would 8e providing the first glimmer of hope to others that some day, he could 8e destroyed.
37890	JAKE: So... you are saying i could do all this?
37891	JAKE: Or that i will?
37892	ARANEA: For now, I'm saying that we should get going soon, if you would like to meet the others 8efore you wake up.
37893	JAKE: Who?
37894	ARANEA: Is there anything else you wanted to show me 8efore we go?
37895	ARANEA: I didn't mean to get us sidetracked like that.
37896	JAKE: Ummm.
37897	JAKE: Nah just some more boring junk.
37898	JAKE: There are these fanciful branches but i dunno where they came from.
37899	JAKE: I suspect dream sorcery.
37900	ARANEA: They are from someone else's memory.
37901	JAKE: Are they from a wizards memory?
37902	ARANEA: Ha ha. No!
37903	JAKE: Oh.
37904	JAKE: Well I guess i could show you around outside.
37905	JAKE: There is a jungle out there full of tremendous beasts.
37906	ARANEA: Not anymore.
37907	JAKE: Son of a BITCH! More fancy branches.
37908	ARANEA: This way!
37909	JAKE: What is this realm of limitless wonder?
37910	DIRK: Realm of limitless wonder?
37911	DIRK: God dammit, Jake.
37912	JAKE: (Sh!)
37913	ARANEA: It was my planet.
37914	JAKE: Its great. Everything is so amazing!
37915	JAKE: Who would have thunk you could have such crackerjack adventures in your dreams that are basically REAL instead of imaginary?
37916	ARANEA: Yep!
37917	JAKE: Or for that matter...
37918	JAKE: That you could meet such neat people along the way.
37919	DIRK: Your thoughts are wandering again, man.
37920	JAKE: (Sh!)
37921	DIRK: Whoa. Yeah.
37922	DIRK: That gross mushy thought right there.
37923	DIRK: Are you even paying attention?
37924	JAKE: (No sh.)
37925	DIRK: We've already been through this you hopeless rube.
37926	DIRK: You might as well be saying it out loud to her.
37927	DIRK: So why don't you?
37928	JAKE: (Maybe i will wise guy!)
37929	DIRK: I mean, she is pretty hot.
37930	JAKE: (Yeah i know!!)
37931	JAKE: (Now shushhhhhhhh.)
37932	ARANEA: Jake, it wouldn't work 8etween us.
37933	JAKE: Huh?
37934	ARANEA: I'm dead.
37935	JAKE: Yes. Right.
37936	ARANEA: Perhaps if you died too.
37937	ARANEA: Although, may8e not after too long?
37938	ARANEA: I don't know how I would feel a8out that if you were a lot older than me.
37939	DIRK: Man, what the fuck?
37940	ARANEA: Although technically I am already so much "older" than you........
37941	ARANEA: It would just 8e kind of strange if you were physically my senior 8y any significant margin, you know?
37942	DIRK: This is a weird fucking train of thought. Can you tell her that?
37943	JAKE: (No!)
37944	DIRK: I'm going to make you have a seizure and get you to mime the message to her with your spastic gyrations.
37945	DIRK: Pelvic thrusts will be my exclamation points.
37946	JAKE: (Screw you!)
37947	JAKE: (You heard her i totally have a shot hehehe!)
37948	ARANEA: What?
37949	JAKE: *Cough* uh go on.
37950	ARANEA: 8ut I wouldn't want that to happen.
37951	JAKE: What to happen?
37952	ARANEA: For you to die soon.
37953	ARANEA: I want you to succeed at your quest, and to live a long and happy life!
37954	DIRK: Man.
37955	DIRK: I'm gonna come out and say it.
37956	DIRK: This broad is a total snore.
37957	JAKE: Yeah right bro did you hear that at least if i kick the bucket early there will be shall i say a silver lining wink wink nudge nudge.
37958	JAKE: It will take the form of some spooky smooches from a smokin ghostly troll babe so shut your jealous trap!
37959	ARANEA: ::::?
37960	JAKE: Wait.
37961	JAKE: Oh dear.
37962	JAKE: How uh...
37963	JAKE: How loud was i talking just then?
37964	DIRK: You were pretty much yelling.
37965	ARANEA: :::;)
37966	JAKE: Augh!
37967	DIRK: If I were real I would be giving you a standing ovation right now.
37968	DIRK: 5/5 hats.
37969	JAKE: God.
37970	JAKE: Ok just.
37971	JAKE: Pretend to forget that maybe?
37972	DIRK: Not a chance.
37973	JAKE: Not you! Her!!
37974	ARANEA: Her? Who?
37975	ARANEA: Me?
37976	JAKE: Sigh.
37977	JAKE: Why dont you just tell me where were going.
37978	ARANEA: I've gathered a small group of travelers for a meeting.
37979	ARANEA: They are 8riefly passing through this 8u88le. I was hoping we could introduce ourselves to one another, and help orient an old friend of mine to the afterlife.
37980	JAKE: Ok.
37981	JAKE: Who is your friend?
37982	JAKE: Another troll?
37983	ARANEA: She was supposed to 8e the empress of all trolls, actually.
37984	JAKE: Wow.
37985	JAKE: So she died before she could be the empress i guess?
37986	ARANEA: Not exactly, since she pro8a8ly never would have 8een regardless.
37987	ARANEA: She didn't want the jo8.
37988	JAKE: Why not?
37989	ARANEA: Remem8er how I said each class had a duty to take care of the younger and more populous classes lower on the order?
37990	ARANEA: Well, hers was the highest of all.
37991	ARANEA: She was the only one on the planet with such royal 8lood, aside from the sitting empress.
37992	ARANEA: As the heiress, she was meant for a position of incredi8le responsi8ility.
37993	ARANEA: Once she claimed the throne, she would have to serve for many thousands of years, until the next successor was ready.
37994	JAKE: Thats a hell of a long time.
37995	JAKE: I guess she wasnt into that?
37996	ARANEA: She had some pro8lems with authority.
37997	ARANEA: She despised the whole social order, really.
37998	ARANEA: I foolishly tried to convince her to honor her o8ligation, 8ut she wouldn't listen.
37999	ARANEA: She viewed the empress as a glorified slave.
38000	ARANEA: So she a8dicated, and fled to the moon to hide.
38001	ARANEA: I was the only one who knew of her plans. The rest of the world searched 8ut never found her.
38002	ARANEA: At the time, I was furious with her. 8ut I didn't turn her in.
38003	ARANEA: Which in retrospect was a key decision that led us here.
38004	JAKE: You mean it led to you being dead?
38005	ARANEA: Yes, eventually.
38006	ARANEA: While she was there, she discovered an ancient device.
38007	ARANEA: Inside the device was a game.
38008	ARANEA: She 8ecame o8sessed with playing it, 8ut needed our friends to agree to play first.
38009	ARANEA: She was not well liked 8y the others though. Old grudges and rivalries made it hard to convince them.
38010	ARANEA: 8ut she is very devious, and knows how to trick people into doing what she wants.
38011	ARANEA: She even got me to agree, 8y promising she'd return to her place as the heiress when we finished playing.
38012	ARANEA: Needless to say, we had no idea what we were getting ourselves into.
38013	JAKE: She sounds like a handful.
38014	ARANEA: Yes.
38015	ARANEA: She's not all that 8ad though.
38016	ARANEA: Well........
38017	ARANEA: When you really get to know her.
38018	ARANEA: And when she's unarmed.
38019	ARANEA: Which is........ pretty much never, now that I think a8out it.
38020	JAKE: ...
38021	ARANEA: Ok, she pro8a8ly is all that 8ad.
38022	ARANEA: The point is, you have to know how to handle her.
38023	ARANEA: Regal types can 8e very touchy, even the ones who seem to revel in anarchy.
38024	ARANEA: 8ut if you know all the right things to say and do, she will happily hand over the keys to the kingdom, so to speak.
38025	ARANEA: After all, royalty is royalty.
38026	ARANEA: Just let me do the talking for a while, ok?
38027	DIRK: Did you hear that, Jake? Aranea wants to do the talking.
38028	DIRK: I think your dead girlfriend might be starting to come out of her shell.
38029	JAKE: (Heheheh.)
38030	JAKE: (Ok that was kinda funny.)
38031	The archagent cannot submit the paperwork for his daily report because the archagent is in jail. He was a bit sloppy and got himself pinched by the white shells.
38032	That leaves all his duties to the penultimagent, otherwise known as the Draconian Dignitary. We should bear in mind that penultimagent isn't an officially recognized title though. It's just a word he thinks sounds kind of cool.
38033	The report is that you've got all these reports to fill out which the archagent has been letting pile up, and which you have absolutely no intention of completing. Paperwork's even less your bag than it is his. As was mentioned, the boss is still stuck in the big house. You've got the Droll working on busting him out, but you've said no particular hurry on that. You like to keep a casual administrative style. The boss is always in a hurry, all wound up like a knife wielding top. Personally, you don't see the harm in playing it cool.
38034	Mounting paperwork aside, there's still the matter of this little insurrection to deal with. The boy is still out there, piking heads, agitating subjects, getting everyone hot and bothered. The press is going berserk with it, and you can have only so many reporters killed on any given news cycle. Can't forget about the girl either. She's still out there, going rogue. Wait. You mean AWOL. That stinkin' pun gets you every time. Puns are even less dignified than paperwork.
38035	You can't. By now the kid is up to his goddamn neck in convoluted gothic architecture. He's burrowed fuck deep in flying buttresses and purple pointy things. He even stopped by the boss's CUBICLE OF VIGILANCE and sliced up his FENESTRATED WALLS to make searching for him harder. Cunning bastard.
38036	There used to be a 4th one, but you don't know what happened to it. There was a rumor circulating that some old woman made off with it some time ago, before the new queen took over. Whatever happened, it's nothing to worry about now.
38037	If you want to smoke this kid out of hiding, you'll need some help.
38038	You already did. You walk to retrieve it, again in no particular hurry.
38039	Earlier you quite calmly and diplomatically explained everything to the old lady, letting her know you could use a little extra firepower to get the situation under control. You were pretty smooth about it, offering to light her cigarette during a calculated pause. And she doesn't even smoke. You're just that good. While you were making your smooth pitch, you did a masterful job of giving her the impression that you didn't care much one way or the other.
38040	But to be fair, you really don't care much one way or the other.
38041	In response, the dame gave you clearance to employ the service of DRONEGORG, the flagship battlemech of the imperial fleet she keeps stationed on some other damn planet. You're not sure where it is or what it's called. Hell if that's any of your business.
38042	No.
38043	You'd feel completely ridiculous piloting that thing. It's a bad look for you. No style at all.
38044	Only an utter fool would get a kick out of prancing around in that asinine getup.
38045	It was a classy gesture by the queen, but you told her you'd have to pass.
38046	But it doesn't do no good to spurn generosity from a beautiful and deadly woman. You thanked her for the kind offer and tactfully brought up an alternative.
38047	See, you tell the boss this is his problem. He's too blunt about his ambitions. Don't get you wrong. It's all well and good for a man to keep his eyes on the prize. But he doesn't always need to step over a thousand corpses and swim across rivers of blood to get there. You remind him there are slicker ways to make your moves, especially when it comes to a lady. Now that you think about it, Slick would be a good ironic nickname for him. Might be good for a laugh, callin' him that. Or it would if you actually ever laughed.
38048	The point is, you have to know how to handle her.
38049	Regal types can be very touchy, even the ones who seem to revel in anarchy. But if you know all the right things to say and do, she will happily hand over the keys to the kingdom, so to speak.
38050	After all, royalty is royalty.
38051	You're not feeling it. That little number was way too big for its britches. You could just tell it was gonna blast off, and next thing you know is everyone's on their feet cutting a rug, making complete fools of themselves. This ain't no sock hop.
38052	Why does everything have to be so flashy and frenetic? What's the big hurry, anyway?
38053	Sure, you're going to put this ring on. But when you're good and goddamn ready. Maybe do a little reading first, have another smoke. Finish your coffee. Listen to some REAL music.
38054	Everybody needs to calm the fuck down.
38055	After a lot of bullshitting around, you calmly and casually put on the RING OF ORBS NOFOLD. A phenomenal transformation takes place.
38056	You become...
38057	My God.
38058	YOU BECOME...
38059	The Draconian Dignitary.
38060	Really, you don't know why everyone's always got to be transforming from things into other things. Taking on these wild appearance modifications just for a little boost in power always struck you as tacky. Where's the class?
38061	It just takes no creativity or guile for these villain types to grab a little power through such outlandish transformations. No imagination at all. You are utterly astounded by how shitty their imagination is. If their imagination was a face you would shoot it.
38062	In the face.
38063	Awesome powers? Let's see. You're guessing it can probably make you invisible.
38064	Yep. There you go. Invisible, just like you thought. What else is a magical ring of void gonna do? This is like Magic Rings 101. Real basic stuff.
38065	You stop being invisible. There's not a lot of style to invisibility. Primarily because nobody gets to see how damn smooth you're being.
38066	It's kind of a pointless power anyway. Some real dimestore parlor trickery that's just a waste of everyone's time. You doubt you'll ever use it again. It's sure not going to help you track down that elusive kid.
38067	But sooner or later he's going to find out it's much harder to outrun the ring's true power.
38068	The kid can't escape the miles.
38069	No one can escape the miles.
38070	You have been following a trail of clues on your quest to sleuth the whereabouts of your errant father. He seems to have left a variety of items behind, in hopes that you might notice and follow him. You have picked up each item along the way, until you reached this car. It is squeaky clean from today's earlier automotive ablutions, but obviously there is no way you can pick it up. It was probably the last thing he had to leave behind, which means your trail is about to go cold.
38071	Hang on. Lil Sebastian is gesturing further ahead. It seems there is another clue on the path.
38072	It is your dad's WALLET. This is surely the end of the line. Ahead is another crypt. You wonder if he went in there? There's another one of those obelisks nearby shining a light down a pit, serving some dang purpose. Probably has some ridiculous bearing on a puzzle like five miles away. Like activating an elevator or a conveyor belt or something that just leads to yet another stupid old skull.
38073	Actually, looks like there's one more thing left in the wallet. It's a note.
38074	What the...
38075	You think your dad maybe left the wrong note in the wallet? He probably meant to leave one pertaining to how you're mature enough to inherit his wallet, and what a big responsibility a wallet is for a strong young woman, or something like that. Dad leaves tons of notes like this around for such occasions, so it's probably easy for him to get them mixed up sometimes. He is a highly professional and competent father, but the guy is still fallible after all. D'aww.
38076	Now armed with your father's roomy, sleek leather wallet, you retrieve the family sedan with ease.
38077	It looks like a cool pair of shades wants to talk about your sweet new ride.
38078	TT: Shred it.
38079	GG: What?
38080	TT: you HAVE
38081	TT: the car.
38082	GG: Um.
38083	TT: Now shred it.
38084	TT: Turn it into grist.
38085	GG: Oh!
38086	GG: No!!
38087	GG: I am not going to destroy my dad's car.
38088	TT: We need grist though.
38089	TT: I can't get any building done without more.
38090	TT: Not to mention the fact that you're not going to be able to make any cool shit.
38091	GG: There has to be a better way to gather up grist, though.
38092	TT: Well, I think there are supposed to be monsters here.
38093	TT: I haven't seen any monsters yet, have you?
38094	GG: No, and I can't say I'm too disappointed.
38095	TT: You should be though. Presumably they would drop grist and stuff when you kill them.
38096	TT: Like treasure. And food products that restore your health. Or at least make you less hungry.
38097	TT: Haven't you ever played a video game, Jane?
38098	GG: Of course I have!
38099	TT: That's cool. I haven't, since I am a pair of sunglasses, and communing with such simplistic software would be a trivial and hollow exercise for me.
38100	TT: But I know loads of stuff about games. Like the fact that you gotta kill monsters if you want to make progress.
38101	TT: If not to snatch up the bitchin' loot, at least for the levels.
38102	GG: Levels?
38103	TT: How are you going to get better at fightin' without killing monsters, Jane.
38104	GG: I think I've done a fair job of scaling my echeladder without resorting to the slaughter of innocent, fictional monsters, thank you very much.
38105	TT: Please.
38106	TT: You've barely done any climbing at all. I'm talking about hopping more rungs than what playing a little prank on your dad or throwing your hat on the ground super hard is gonna get you.
38107	TT: You need battle experience to make some real headway. Like Jake.
38108	GG: I'm getting a little tired of various iterations of Dirk Strider telling me how I need to be more like Jake.
38109	GG: I know you think Jake is neat. I know all the Dirks just ADORE Jake! I GET IT!
38110	TT: Wow, chill out.
38111	TT: This ain't about whatever stuff you're apparently fixin' to twist your shit in a pretzel over.
38112	TT: You just need to get stronger, is all. Don't you think that's what your dad would want?
38113	GG: You don't need to remind me about that. I'm suddenly having flashbacks to a few years ago when he would ambush me almost every day for a pointless round of strife.
38114	GG: Boy does getting swatted with brooms and having cakes shoved in your face get old fast.
38115	TT: Yeah, but in the process you got pretty handy with that fork/spoon thingy, didn't you?
38116	GG: Well. Yes.
38117	TT: I'm just saying, if you don't run into any monsters on this planet, I think I'm going to have to set the bunny to "sparring mode" to help you along.
38118	GG: I am not going to spar with Lil Sebastian!!!
38119	GG: He is too quick and deadly to fight with.
38120	GG: And also, too adorable. :B
38121	TT: Ok. We'll see about that.
38122	TT: But in the meantime, we need to figure out a way to start harvesting grist.
38123	TT: Let's forget the car. But now that you have the wallet, you can grab much bigger things.
38124	TT: Big things have got to be worth more grist than all the picayune bullshit you keep around the house.
38125	TT: There are some choice relics in this place. Some of it has to be worth a fortune, gristways.
38126	GG: You could be right.
38127	GG: I will give it a try.
38128	You stick the OBELISK in the wallet. Fits like a dream. The ray of light is no longer reflected into the hole. Sorry, puzzles.
38129	You put the card in the widget and holy smokes! That thing was worth a fortune in all kinds of weird looking grist denominations. Seb springs into action and scoops it all up for you in a jiffy with his busy little legs.
38130	The built-in GRIST GUTTER on the widget immediately kicks into action, collecting all the grist overflow exceeding your current low limit. You guess that's pretty convenient.
38131	You honestly thought these features were a lot of meaningless nonsense before. Like an example of BCCorp's strange sense of humor, made into a product sold for top dollar. The fact that this turned out to be a useful gizmo well in advance is either reassuring or unsettling. You aren't sure which.
38132	Aaaaaand the door's locked now.
38133	Looks like that obelisk was important after all. It was lighting up one of those globe switch doohickeys at the bottom of the hole, which was apparently keeping the door open. Just great.
38134	Real nice work there, gumshoe.
38135	TT: Hmm.
38136	GG: Welp, let me have it!
38137	TT: Have what?
38138	GG: A hard time for botching up the pooch!
38139	GG: I think I just locked the door with that muttonheaded stunt. And now that mirrored obelisk is good as gone.
38140	TT: I wasn't going to say nothin'.
38141	TT: Hell, I was asleep at the wheel too while you were busy fucking up, and I have an IQ of, hold on, robo-calculating...
38142	TT: Robo-calculating...
38143	TT: Robo-calculating...
38144	TT: Robo-calculating...
38145	GG: Oh brother.
38146	TT: Robo-calculating...
38147	TT: About 500 billion.
38148	GG: That is really, really robo-smart.
38149	TT: Don't get human-fresh with me, Crocker. I'm about to bring all five hundo-billy points of my stringent cyborg IQ to bear on your dumb problem. Check it out.
38150	TT: I took note of the captcha code to the thing, and recorded a digital flashsnap of its appearance through my photographic silicone memory canals.
38151	TT: Which is to say I looked at eight alphanumeric digits a couple minutes ago, and remembered them.
38152	GG: Ok?
38153	TT: So give the bunny the wallet. I'll have him run back to the house and make you a new obelisk with the same grist you just collected from it.
38154	TT: He can stash it in the wallet and run it back to you, and then you can open the door. You shouldn't be waiting around too long, cause he's real spry.
38155	TT: Which is exactly why you should wait here. You'll just slow him down.
38156	GG: Alright, I think I can do that.
38157	GG: What should I do in the meantime?
38158	TT: Let me think about that.
38159	TT: Robo-calculating...
38160	GG: Oh stop it!
38161	TT: K.
38162	GG: None of our friends will answer me. What could they be up to?
38163	GG: You must at least know what Dirk is doing.
38164	TT: He's slicing up some drones.
38165	GG: Some what?
38166	TT: Big red robots. He'll be busy for a while.
38167	TT: Roxy I'm not sure about, but there is a pretty high probability as governed by the immutable laws of mathematics that she is preoccupied similarly.
38168	GG: She's fighting robots too, you mean?
38169	TT: I don't know. Maybe.
38170	TT: Dealing with them, in some way, perhaps.
38171	TT: If so, it wouldn't be a coincidence.
38172	GG: Why?
38173	TT: I think the Condesce is attempting to force the issue now.
38174	GG: What? What issue!
38175	TT: It's likely that it's a coordinated assault. Sending drones both to here and Roxy's place.
38176	TT: She's probably trying to get everyone else to stop dicking around and join the game already.
38177	GG: Are you sure she's not just trying to kill them?
38178	GG: It wouldn't be her first assassination attempt.
38179	TT: Yeah, but come on. Dirk has been a sitting duck here for years. Roxy too.
38180	TT: She could have wiped them out any time with a swarm much bigger than this one. Or just nuked them.
38181	TT: Her "assassination attempt" on you was pretty weak too.
38182	GG: But it nearly worked!
38183	GG: I would be dead right now if not for the whims of GCat.
38184	TT: Right.
38185	TT: Like I trust the motives of that fucking thing.
38186	GG: So, you're saying she's only pretending to hunt us?
38187	TT: I believe she probably would genuinely like to kill us. She is a psycho after all.
38188	TT: But it's also obvious to me she needs us to begin playing this game, for whatever fucked up purpose she has.
38189	TT: She might even need us to win it too, for all I know.
38190	TT: Her antagonism is all part of the dance.
38191	GG: Then you're saying Dirk and Roxy aren't really in danger from the robots?
38192	TT: Oh, I wouldn't say that. They're still pretty deadly and they shoot missiles and stuff.
38193	GG: Augh! I just want to talk to my friends and see if they're ok.
38194	GG: What about Jake?
38195	TT: No idea what's going on with him right now.
38196	TT: I'm sure when the time is right, the witch will keep pushing him along to join the game as well.
38197	GG: Then I guess I'll just sit here and worry about everyone quietly until Seb gets back.
38198	TT: What about your troll friend?
38199	GG: What?
38200	TT: The alien whose name you don't know.
38201	TT: You could talk to her.
38202	GG: Oh yeah!
38203	GG: I forgot about her.
38204	GG: But I suppose that's because she's always the one to contact me. I never get a response when I message her.
38205	TT: Well, you could give her a try. Maybe things are different now.
38206	TT: I could hack into her system to get her attention, if you think that would help.
38207	GG: You can do that??
38208	TT: Nah, just messin' with you.
38209	TT: Later.
38210	GG: Hello?
38211	GG: Are you there?
38212	UU: yes.
38213	GG: Oh my! You answered!
38214	GG: You never answer.
38215	UU: don't i?
38216	GG: Well, no. I don't mean to be accusatory.
38217	GG: I am just surprised.
38218	UU: right then.
38219	UU: what can i do for yoU?
38220	GG: Well... nothing in particular. Just thought it would be nice to catch up.
38221	GG: I was beginning to think I was the only one of my friends left alive.
38222	GG: Maybe this gloomy place full of salamander bones and dusty old relics is starting to get to me.
38223	GG: Not to mention the most unwelcome presence of entrepreneurial clowns and their enormous codpieces.
38224	UU: coUld be.
38225	GG: I'm still trying to track down my father. I've been gathering clues, and I may be getting close.
38226	GG: Do you by any chance know if I might see him soon?
38227	GG: Hmm...
38228	GG: Are you there?
38229	UU: oh. yes.
38230	UU: keep going where yoU're headed.
38231	UU: things will work oUt in time. yoU'll see him.
38232	GG: Phew! That's nice to know. Thanks.
38233	GG: You aren't usually forthcoming with future tidbits. Er, not that I was always especially eager to believe you about them anyway.
38234	GG: But I think I've been coming around on that lately, for what it's worth.
38235	GG: So, um.
38236	GG: Hey.
38237	GG: Are you ok there?
38238	GG: You seem rather preoccupied.
38239	UU: i'm sorry.
38240	UU: i am not having the best day. u_u
38241	GG: What's wrong?
38242	UU: everything!
38243	UU: where do i bloody begin.
38244	GG: Is it your brother?
38245	UU: well that goes withoUt saying doesn't it? he is ALWAYS a problem.
38246	UU: bUt it's more than that.
38247	UU: when i sleep and visit prospit, i see nothing bUt storm cloUds in skaia now.
38248	UU: my great big lovely ball of blUe has been cloUding over. soon i fear it will be completely black, and the kingdom will be shroUded in darkness.
38249	UU: i wish i Understood the meaning of this terrible omen.
38250	GG: That sounds awful!
38251	UU: and my brother has become more Uncooperative than ever.
38252	UU: he intends to play the game, bUt refUses to treat it like a collaboration.
38253	UU: i have told him many times that the only way we can win is to work together! bUt he wants it to be yet another competition between Us, like everything has been all oUr lives.
38254	UU: his threats to kill me have become harder to dismiss as his UsUal empty bravado.
38255	UU: i fear it may come down to having to kill him first.
38256	UU: althoUgh i am not sUre exactly how i woUld go aboUt this, or if i will even be Up to the task. umu;
38257	GG: I had no idea things had gotten this grim for you. I am so sorry.
38258	UU: yes. bUt i'll cope.
38259	UU: the real troUble thoUgh is i'm not sUre if i can play a sUccessfUl session withoUt him.
38260	UU: a two player session was already risky enoUgh, satisfying bare minimUm playing conditions.
38261	UU: and i had it on good aUthority that the two of Us woUld be able to sUcceed, particUlarly given oUr... well, withoUt intending to boast. varioUs advantages.
38262	UU: bUt i have no idea if a session of one is viable.
38263	UU: honestly i cannot for the life of me imagine how.
38264	UU: it may well resUlt in a void session like yoUrs, bUt withoUt the promise of any extenUating circUmstances.
38265	GG: Are you sure it's hopeless with him? You can't reach a truce, just for the sake of playing?
38266	UU: i Used to hope so, bUt i doUbt it now.
38267	UU: he barely cares aboUt the game itself, other than as a means of escaping oUr planet.
38268	UU: he has always been more motivated by the ongoing game between Us.
38269	GG: I think you have alluded to this before, but I never really understood.
38270	GG: What game?
38271	UU: well...
38272	UU: it is simple. we are playing a game together.
38273	UU: we have been forced to, for as long as we've known each other.
38274	UU: bUt the rUles are complicated, and often shifting. and they don't always make sense!
38275	UU: at least, they woUldn't to yoU.
38276	GG: Try me!
38277	UU: many yoU woUld not recognize as rUles, so mUch as sUperstitions.
38278	UU: a variety of caveats and stipUlations. things that woUld invite misfortUne if i were to break. it woUld be very bad jUjU.
38279	UU: i have not been able to tell yoU my name for this reason.
38280	UU: doing so woUld lead Us all down a very slippery slope! bUt i have wanted to tell yoU so. i hope my relUctance has not compromised oUr friendship.
38281	GG: Of course not. I wrote off your reticence as one of your many eccentricities long ago.
38282	UU: ^u^
38283	GG: I still want to understand this game with your brother, though.
38284	GG: Could you describe some of the other rules?
38285	UU: mm, yes. we have both renoUnced hemotyping Until the resolUtion.
38286	GG: Hemotyping?
38287	UU: it is in the same vein, pardon the pUn, as a qUirk. it's the old tradition whereby one types in his or her own blood coloUr.
38288	UU: so he and i have embraced neUtral tones to speak in, for the time being.
38289	UU: most hUmans do not practice hemotyping, presUmably dUe to lacking diversity in blood class.
38290	GG: But your race has varied blood color?
38291	UU: yes.
38292	GG: Then what would yours be?
38293	UU: i am a lime blood. UuU
38294	UU: while he's got the bright cherry blood, jUst like yoU all do.
38295	UU: not that this matters since we are alone here, bUt interestingly, in ancient troll cUltUre we woUld both be considered pariahs.
38296	UU: for different reasons of coUrse. those of his blood coloUr were very rare, existing by way of genetic glitch only. they were oUtcasts, having no place in the social order.
38297	UU: on the other hand, those of my blood coloUr were once actUally qUite common! bUt later they were all hUnted to extinction.
38298	GG: Jeez. Why?
38299	UU: details of the genocide are historically mUrky. it's one of those maddening voids in my Understanding of yoUr elaborate epic.
38300	UU: bUt i have specUlated their extermination had to do with the extremely powerfUl abilities they tended to have, and the threat to aUthority they represented. even more so than other powerfUl lowbloods.
38301	GG: Are you saying you have such powers?
38302	UU: maybe. :u
38303	GG: But he does not?
38304	UU: he has other, Um. traits.
38305	GG: Maybe he is jealous of you, which is why there is such resentment?
38306	UU: oh, probably. he is an oUtright mess. if yoU can name a problem with me, he's got it.
38307	GG: The way you described it, I had always envisioned your contentious relationship as one played out mostly online.
38308	UU: yes. it is!
38309	GG: And also that you and he had never met. Yet some things you have said lately appear to contradict this?
38310	UU: sigh.
38311	UU: jane, i am sorry, bUt this is something i jUst cannot get into. for one thing we woUld be creeping way too close to breaking the rUles, and then we woUld all be bUggered.
38312	UU: even if i were at liberty to say, it woUld take so mUch time to explain everything. and i really mUst be getting to sleep again soon. i am terribly worried aboUt the people of prospit dUring sUch dark times.
38313	GG: I understand.
38314	UU: sUffice to say, all games that are played have boUndaries. a stage to which all pieces and moves are confined.
38315	UU: like a chess board! there is no reality to the game beyond the edges of the binary grid.
38316	GG: That makes sense, but I'm not sure I see how it applies.
38317	UU: i know. it was more infernal gammoning on my part as i dance aboUt these rUles.
38318	UU: it's all one can do when everything he or she ever does is jUst another move in a game.
38319	UU: i am so sorry, jane. i woUld have loved to be more forthright with yoU since the day we first spoke.
38320	UU: yoU are a dear friend to me. yoU and yoUr chUms. yoU are all the only friends i have ever had.
38321	GG: :B
38322	GG: <3
38323	UU: uUu
38324	UU: i was planning on giving yoU a gift.
38325	GG: You were??
38326	UU: yes, bUt i was going to wait Until completing my qUest before sending it to yoU.
38327	UU: bUt now that things are looking rather bleak here, i may have to consider accelerating the delivery.
38328	GG: What is it? Or is it a surprise?
38329	UU: it is a sUrprise! bUt i will tell yoU this mUch.
38330	UU: it is my jUjU. it is very dear to me.
38331	GG: Your juju?
38332	UU: a talisman of sorts, with many cUrioUs properties and rUles for implementation.
38333	UU: as yoU may have gathered aboUt me, i have learned the hard way that it always pays to follow the rUles. :U
38334	GG: Where did you get it?
38335	UU: it was an heirloom, yoU coUld say. passed on from ancestors. i have always had it.
38336	UU: jUjUs are said to have origins which are impossible to Understand or trace. some say they emerge spontaneoUsly from the void.
38337	UU: they cannot be trUly dUplicated. if there ever appears to be more than one of the same, it is only a mirage of caUsality!
38338	UU: nor can they ever be destroyed. not completely, at least.
38339	UU: so when i send yoU mine, it will be no small matter. it will not simply be copied throUgh alchemy.
38340	UU: yoU will be the new owner, and mine here will cease to exist.
38341	GG: Um... gosh.
38342	UU: bUt UnfortUnately it will have no valUe to yoU Unless i send my brother's jUjU as well.
38343	UU: and he will not relinqUish control of his Unless i best him at oUr game. this is another of oUr rUles.
38344	GG: It sure sounds like you two are up to your necks in this crazy game.
38345	UU: oh yes. we are Up to qUite a bit fUrther than oUr neck in it. ~_u
38346	UU: bUt it's alright. i love games.
38347	UU: my brother, on the other hand...
38348	GG: Not such a big fan of games?
38349	UU: on no, qUite the contrary.
38350	UU: his passion for games transcends any hUman Understanding of love.
38351	UU: for yoU to Understand it woUld be to fUlly comprehend the meaning of...
38352	UU: how to pUt it.
38353	GG: Um.
38354	GG: Beauty?
38355	UU: horror.
38356	uu: HELLO DIRK.
38357	uu: GuESS WHAT I WANT TO PLAY.
38358	uu: THAT'S RIGHT.
38359	uu: A GAME.
38360	TT: Not now.
38361	uu: DIRK I WANT TO PLAY A GAME.
38362	uu: DIRK.
38363	uu: HELLO DIRK.
38364	uu: LET'S PLAY A GAME.
38365	TT: I'm busy.
38366	uu: DIRK I DON'T THINK YOu uNDERSTAND.
38367	uu: I WANT TO PLAY A FuCKING GAME WITH YOu.
38368	uu: I WOuLD LIKE YOu TO DRAW ME SOME PORNOGRAPHY.
38369	TT: Man, does it look like he can draw anything for you right now?
38370	uu: WHO CARES.
38371	uu: I AM NOT TALKING TO YOu.
38372	TT: So what exactly is the game this time?
38373	TT: To gauge his ability to draw naked people while fighting robots?
38374	uu: THE GAME IS TO PRODuCE SOME VILE SMuT. THAT WILL BRING ME EROTIC ENJOYMENTS.
38375	TT: And if he doesn't?
38376	uu: THEN SOMEONE DIES FuCKER.
38377	TT: I see.
38378	TT: Do you want me to draw some?
38379	uu: NO.
38380	uu: YOu ARE AN IMPOSTOR.
38381	uu: AN ARTIFICIAL BLOODLESS HEMOTYPING FRAuD.
38382	TT: What?
38383	uu: THERE IS NO HEART THAT BEATS INSIDE YOu. WITH PASSION FOR ILLuSTRATED DEBAuCHERY. AS CAN BE SAID OF TRuE MEN.
38384	uu: YOu ARE FALSE AS THE RED YOu PAINT YOuR WORDS WITH. YOUR LIES ARE RED AS THE HERRING YOu REPRESENT.
38385	TT: I... guess these burns are pretty sick?
38386	TT: They are burns, right?
38387	TT: It seems you may have just called me a fish.
38388	uu: YOuR ATROCIOuS TALE IS FuLL OF SO MANY SHITTY RED HERRINGS. AND YOu ARE THE SHITTIEST. BY FAR.
38389	uu: OH LOOK. THIS MAN IS NOT WHAT HE APPEARS TO BE. OR IS HE? NO HE'S GLASSES.
38390	uu: THE MYSTERY IS SOLVED. WHO GIVES A FuCK.
38391	TT: It sounds like you don't even know what a red herring is.
38392	uu: BuLLSHIT. I AM BASICALLY THE MASTER OF ALL RED HERRINGS.
38393	uu: THEY SWIM THROuGH MY VEINS. THIS WAY AND THAT.
38394	uu: YOu HAVE TO BE VERY GOOD AT RED HERRINGS. WHEN YOu ARE AS GOOD AT GAMES AS ME.
38395	TT: How does one even be "good at red herrings?"
38396	TT: Are you saying you employ misdirection effectively?
38397	TT: Because I have to say, dude. This has not been my observation.
38398	uu: THAT'S A FuCKING LAuGH.
38399	uu: YOu KNOW THE GAME I WANT TO PLAY? WITH REAL DIRK.
38400	uu: IT HAS SuCH A PERFECT SHITTY TWIST ENDING!
38401	TT: Oh, wait.
38402	TT: I remember this.
38403	TT: Last year you messaged Dirk, bugging him to play one of your dumb porno games.
38404	TT: You said you tried to get him to play in the future, but he was busy fighting drones.
38405	TT: And you kept going on about the shitty twist ending to your game.
38406	uu: BORING LIES FROM THE RED LINES.
38407	uu: YOu ARE BAD AT GAMES.
38408	uu: AND A GAME.
38409	uu: IS EXACTLY WHAT I WANT TO PLAY.
38410	uu: DIRK.
38411	uu: I WANT TO PLAY A GAME.
38412	TT: God damn it.
38413	uu: HELLO DIRK.
38414	uu: LET'S PLAY A GAME.
38415	uu: THE GAME WILL NOT INVOLVE THE RED LINES.
38416	uu: DO YOu HEAR ME?
38417	TT: He's tuning you out, bro.
38418	TT: I'm telling you.
38419	TT: If you want to play a game with him, you'll have to do it in the past.
38420	uu: OK.
38421	uu: THAT'S A PRETTY GOOD IDEA.
38422	uu: tumut
38423	uu: HELLO DIRK IN THE PAST.
38424	uu: LET'S PLAY A GAME.
38425	TT: Alright.
38426	uu: DO NOT EVEN FuCK WITH ME.
38427	uu: I WANT TO PLAY A GAME WITH YOu. AND A GAME IS EXACTLY THAT WHICH WILL BE PLAYED BETWEEN uS.
38428	TT: I said I'd play.
38429	uu: DIRK. I WANT YOu TO DRAW ME SOME PORNOGRAPHY.
38430	TT: You got it.
38431	uu: IF YOu FAIL TO DRAW ME SOME PORNOGRAPHY.
38432	uu: THERE WILL BE CONSEQuENCES.
38433	uu: AND WHEN CONSEQuENCES HAPPEN. THAT IS WHEN BLOOD BEGINS TO FLOW.
38434	uu: YOuR FuTuRE SELF SPENDS ALL HIS TIME BEING IN THE FuTuRE. HE PRIORITIZES BEING IN THE FuTuRE AND FIGHTING DRONES OVER PLAYING MY GAMES.
38435	uu: YOuR PAST SELF SHOuLD CONSIDER THE COSTLY INDISCRETION OF YOuR FuTuRE SELF'S BEHAVIOR. BEHAVIOR WHICH ENTAILS BEING IN THE FuTuRE ALMOST AS MuCH AS NOT DOING WHATEVER I FuCKING TELL HIM TO.
38436	TT: Dude, I'm sitting here with my stylus ready to go. Do you want me to draw you some porn or not.
38437	uu: OH YES.
38438	uu: YOu WILL DRAW ME MY PORNOGRAPHY, DIRK HuMAN STRIDER.
38439	uu: I WILL HAVE MY POuND OF SMuT.
38440	TT: ...
38441	TT: I'm waiting.
38442	uu: OR I WILL MuRDER MY SISTER.
38443	TT: Gotcha.
38444	TT: What'll it be.
38445	uu: SHE WILL BE DEAD AND I WILL REJOICE WITH THE LIVELIEST LITTLE JIG YOu EVER SAW.
38446	uu: HER PuTRID HARLEQuIN SLIME WILL LEAK FROM HER WOuNDS AND SOAK HER uGLY YELLOW ROBE.
38447	uu: AND HER BODY. WILL BECOME A STuPID CORPSE.
38448	uu: HER MOON BODY I MEAN.
38449	uu: IT WILL MARK THE BEGINNING. AT LEAST.
38450	uu: OF MY uLTIMATE VICTORY IN THIS GAME BETWEEN uS.
38451	uu: BETWEEN ME AND HER. NOT ME AND YOu.
38452	uu: DIRK LET'S PLAY A GAME.
38453	TT: Dude, listen. I am perfectly willing to draw you some pornography.
38454	TT: It doesn't need to be part of a game. You don't got to murder nobody.
38455	uu: I WILL IF YOu DON'T DO WHAT I SAY.
38456	uu: HOW VERY IRONIC. THAT A LIFE HANGS IN THE BALANCE. uPON YOuR WILLINGNESS TO DRAW ME SOME PORNOGRAPHY.
38457	uu: THE VERY PORNOGRAPHY. WHICH YOu HAVE SPENT A LIFETIME DRAWING. IN YOuR SPARE TIME. BECAuSE YOu PRESuMABLY ENJOY DOING SO.
38458	TT: How is that ironic?
38459	uu: OH YES. HOW IRONIC IT IS INDEED.
38460	uu: AND IT IS FuRTHER IRONIC. THAT THIS GAME IS IRONIC.
38461	uu: IT IS THE VERY IRONY. WHICH YOu YOuRSELF HAVE SPENT A LIFETIME WALLOWING IN.
38462	uu: AND uSING TO JuSTIFY INTERESTS AND BEHAVIORS. WHICH ARE DuMB AND CONFuSING.
38463	TT: Whoa. Mindfuck.
38464	TT: Seriously, should I just start drawing naked people or what.
38465	uu: uH. NAKED PEOPLE?
38466	TT: Yeah. Naked people doing it and stuff.
38467	TT: You know. Porn.
38468	uu: OH. NO.
38469	uu: NO. NO. NO. NO. NO.
38470	uu: AWFuL HORRIBLE BARF. NO. FuCK THAT NOISE.
38471	uu: THERE WILL BE NO NuDITY.
38472	uu: OR WHATEVER uNPLEASANT BEHAVIOR THAT PASSES FOR PROCREATIVE EXERCISE AMONG YOuR PEOPLE.
38473	uu: WHAT I HAVE IN MIND IS SO MuCH MORE.
38474	uu: SCANDALOuS.....
38475	TT: Awesome.
38476	TT: Lay it on me.
38477	uu: I WOuLD LIKE YOu TO DRAW. IN VARIOuS PAIRINGS.
38478	uu: YOu AND YOuR FRIENDS. INVOLVING EACH OTHER IN ASSORTED DEBASEMENTS.
38479	TT: Sure. That doesn't bother me a bit.
38480	TT: Sounds totally great. "Hot," even.
38481	uu: GOOD. GOOD.
38482	uu: LET THE uNSAVORY HOTNESS BEGIN.
38483	TT: Who do I start with?
38484	uu: HOW ABOuT.
38485	uu: THE JANE HuMAN.
38486	TT: Right. One Crocker coming up.
38487	TT: Who else?
38488	uu: LET'S SAY.
38489	uu: YOu.
38490	uu: HA HA HA. OH YES.
38491	TT: No problem.
38492	TT: Which assorted debasement did you have in mind for us?
38493	uu: YOu WILL DEPICT.
38494	uu: THE JANE HuMAN.
38495	uu: ON THE RECEIVING END.
38496	uu: OF...
38497	uu: ONE OF YOuR HuMAN KISSES.
38498	TT: Uh.
38499	TT: Ok.
38500	TT: I mean, are you sure you want me to go there?
38501	uu: SHuT YOuR MOuTH AND FuCKING DRAW.
38502	TT: Just making sure.
38503	TT: Man.
38504	TT: Seriously gonna have to sterilize my tablet after this.
38505	TT: Ok, how's that?
38506	TT: http://goo.gl/BPSnY
38507	uu: OH NO. WHAT IS THAT.
38508	uu: WHAT THE FuCK IS YOuR HAND DOING.
38509	uu: EXPLAIN YOuRSELF!
38510	TT: Dunno. Coppin' a little feel I guess.
38511	TT: Just adding some sizzle to the steak. What's the big.
38512	uu: REMOVE THAT.
38513	TT: Come on dude, don't be like that.
38514	uu: REMOVE THE AMOROuS HuMAN LIMB AT ONCE.
38515	uu: DO IT NOW.
38516	uu: I'LL KILL HER. I WILL FuCKING DO IT.
38517	TT: Fine.
38518	TT: There.
38519	TT: http://goo.gl/cTQZ6
38520	uu: AHHHHH!
38521	uu: YES.
38522	uu: OHHH. HO HO.
38523	uu: OH YES.
38524	uu: THAT IS...
38525	uu: *DIIIRTY*
38526	TT: You are a man who likes his tepid ass porn, I will give you that.
38527	uu: MAKE HER SAY.
38528	uu: "YOu ARE BEAuTIFuL."
38529	TT: Done.
38530	TT: http://goo.gl/WQ0CU
38531	uu: YES. GOOD.
38532	uu: AND NOW MAKE THE KISS. HAPPEN WITH BOTH OF THE HuMAN LIPS.
38533	uu: TOuCHING TOGETHER.
38534	uu: AND MuCH CLOSER TO THE SCREEN. TO SEE THE ACTION BETTER.
38535	uu: AND TELL HER.
38536	uu: THAT SHE IS DARLING TO YOu.
38537	TT: Ok.
38538	TT: http://goo.gl/lvLpU
38539	uu: FuuuCK.
38540	uu: YES.
38541	TT: What now.
38542	uu: THERE WILL BE NEW ACTORS IN THIS VuLGAR EXHIBITION.
38543	uu: YOu WILL INCLuDE THE JAKE AND ROXY HuMANS NOW. AND IT WILL BE SIMILARLY DISGuSTING.
38544	TT: You got it.
38545	TT: Which steamy adult activities would you like me to convey this time?
38546	uu: MAKE THE ROXY HuMAN STROKE HIS HAIR.
38547	uu: SHE NEEDS HIM. AS A ROMANTIC PARTNER. EMOTIONALLY.
38548	TT: You have a filthy mind, but ok.
38549	TT: Here.
38550	TT: http://goo.gl/rgfyW
38551	uu: GOOD.
38552	uu: I WANT TO SEE LONGING IN HIS EYES.
38553	uu: MAKE THERE BE LONGING. DO IT.
38554	TT: http://goo.gl/s0ILH
38555	uu: AH HA HA! SO GOOD.
38556	uu: HAVE THEM EXECuTE THE HuMAN MANEuVER YOu CALL.
38557	uu: "THE HuG."
38558	TT: http://goo.gl/58e9O
38559	uu: OHHH. DAMN.
38560	uu: THAT IS JuST.
38561	uu: SO.
38562	uu: *NAAAAAASTY.*
38563	TT: I'm sweating profusely, fyi.
38564	TT: Gonna have Squarewave track down a towel soon.
38565	uu: NOW HAVE THE JAKE HuMAN SAY.
38566	uu: OH GOD.
38567	uu: I FEEL SO uTTERLY OBSCENE EVEN *TYPING* THIS.
38568	uu: HA HA. FuuuCK.
38569	uu: MY CHEEKS ARE PROBABLY BRIGHT RED RIGHT NOW.
38570	TT: Typing what?
38571	uu: MAKE HIM SAY...
38572	uu: "I LOVE YOu."
38573	TT: On it.
38574	TT: http://goo.gl/mSTQk
38575	uu: THAT IS.
38576	uu: SO FuCKED uP.
38577	uu: uuuuuRNG.
38578	uu: I CAN HARDLY STAND IT.
38579	uu: IT'S SO FuCKED uP BRO!!!!!
38580	TT: I agree.
38581	TT: All kinds of things wrong with this scenario here.
38582	uu: SHE WANTS TO HuMAN MARRY HIM NOW.
38583	uu: MAKE THE BITCH SAY SHE WANTS TO HuMAN MARRY THAT FuCKER!
38584	TT: Stand by.
38585	TT: http://goo.gl/GD2nO
38586	uu: HE SAYS YES!
38587	uu: HE SAYS FuCKING YES THIS INSTANT YOu WRETCHED PILE OF SHIT!!!
38588	TT: http://goo.gl/FIYFS
38589	uu: FuuuuuuuuuCK.
38590	uu: THAT SHIT IS SO.
38591	uu: *TENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNDER.*
38592	TT: You know it.
38593	TT: Slow cooked to fucking perfection.
38594	uu: I WOuLD LIKE THEM TO COPuLATE OFF SCREEN.
38595	uu: THEY WILL BEAR A CHILD IN THE uNSEEMLY HuMAN MANNER.
38596	uu: BuT YOu WILL DEPICT NONE OF THE OFFPuTTING DETAILS OF THE RITuAL.
38597	uu: SHOW THEM EXPERIENCING HuMAN WEDDED JOY. WITH THEIR OFFSPRING. NOW.
38598	TT: Yeah, gimme a minute.
38599	TT: Ok.
38600	TT: http://goo.gl/i2O11
38601	uu: NO. THIS ISN'T AS GOOD.
38602	uu: IT'S NOT AS TITILLATING AS I DESIRE.
38603	uu: HAVE THE MALE EAT THE CHILD.
38604	TT: http://goo.gl/itJga
38605	TT: So are we done?
38606	uu: YOu WOuLD LOVE THAT. WOuLDN'T YOu.
38607	TT: Nah. I'm fine with doing more if you want.
38608	uu: HOW CONVENIENT IT WOuLD BE FOR YOu. IF WE STOPPED PLAYING MY GAME. AND LET MY SISTER OFF THE HOOK.
38609	TT: Do you want me to pretend I don't want to play?
38610	TT: Like, is that part of the kink for you? Kind of a roleplaying thing?
38611	uu: SHuT THE FuCK uP.
38612	TT: "No, no, please. Don't make me draw any more pics of my friends snuggling and stuff."
38613	TT: Strider said, having spent the better part of the night gnawing through his duct tape gag.
38614	uu: LOOK AT THESE PATHETIC STALLING TACTICS. AS IF I DON'T KNOW AN ATTEMPT TO DERAIL ONE OF MY DIABOLICAL GAMES.
38615	uu: WHEN I SEE ONE.
38616	TT: That's good. Keep saying things like that.
38617	TT: I'll keep doing my part.
38618	TT: "Somebody save me from this LIVING NIGHTMARE. The things he has made me DO."
38619	uu: MAYBE YOuR IRREVERENCE FOR MY GAME. STEMS FROM THE FACT THAT YOu DON'T GIVE A FLYING FuCK ABOuT MY IDIOT SISTER?
38620	uu: HA. LIKE I COuLD EVEN BLAME YOu. WHAT A CLOYING WINDBAG SHREW. SHE IS WORTHLESS TO EVERYBODY. I THINK YOu THINK SO TOO.
38621	uu: YOu KNOW. YOu'RE AN ALRIGHT GuY. FOR A MONSTROuS FuCKuP LEAGuES BENEATH ME IN EVERY WAY THAT EXISTS.
38622	uu: DIRK I WANT TO PLAY A GAME.
38623	TT: Do you now.
38624	uu: THOuGH YOu MAY NOT CARE ABOuT MY SISTER'S LIFE. THERE IS SOMETHING WHICH MAY MOTIVATE YOu TO KEEP PLAYING.
38625	uu: AND THAT IS. CuRIOSITY.
38626	TT: How so?
38627	uu: AHAHAHA! YOu SEE!!! THAT RIGHT THERE. YOu ASKED A QuESTION.
38628	uu: ASKING SHIT IS WHAT BEING CuRIOuS MEANS. I FuCKING WIN ALREADY. YOu TRASH.
38629	TT: Damn.
38630	TT: Owned.
38631	uu: BuT THAT'S WHAT YOu DO WHEN YOu HAVE A SHITTY TWIST ENDING. PLANNED AT THE END OF ALL YOuR GAMES.
38632	uu: SEE. THIS GAME HAS A TWIST. IT IS TWISTED LIKE A LITTLE CANDY SWIRL. THAT IS A KISS ON YOuR FACE FROM AN ANGEL. WHILE YOu MAKE A FuCKING FOOL OF YOuRSELF IN YOuR SLEEP.
38633	TT: I know what a twist is.
38634	TT: Or I did, until you kept saying stupid shit that doesn't mean anything.
38635	uu: EXACTLY.
38636	uu: IF YOu WANT TO KNOW MY SHITTY TWIST.
38637	uu: YOu HAVE TO KEEP PLAYING MY GAME.
38638	TT: Well, not only was I pretty psyched to keep playing regardless.
38639	TT: I'd rather do just about anything than listen to you ramble on and on about your horseshit twists.
38640	uu: VERY GOOD.
38641	uu: THE LECHEROuS AMuSEMENTS.
38642	uu: THEY WILL NOW INVOLVE.
38643	uu: THE BOTH JANE AND ROXY HuMANS.
38644	TT: Cool.
38645	uu: AW YES. DOuBLE THE TASTY BITCHES.
38646	uu: GETTING A LITTLE...
38647	uu: MAAAuDLIN TOGETHER.
38648	TT: Uh.
38649	TT: Ok.
38650	uu: THEY ARE IN THE MOOD FOR.
38651	uu: SWEETS.
38652	uu: JuST LIKE ME.
38653	uu: I LIKE CANDY.
38654	uu: DO YOu LIKE CANDY. DIRK.
38655	TT: I guess.
38656	uu: WHAT ABOuT.
38657	uu: COTTON CANDY.
38658	TT: I never tried it.
38659	TT: This shithole planet doesn't have any.
38660	uu: IT IS SOOO.
38661	uu: FLuFFY.
38662	uu: AND MELTS IN YOuR MOuTH.
38663	uu: BLuE AND PINK. GET BETWEEN MY JAWS. POOFY FLuFFY COTTON CANDY. LET ME DISSOLVE YOu.
38664	uu: THAT IS WHAT I CALL THIS PAIRING. OF NASTY PREMIuM BITCHES.
38665	TT: You know, considering you're obviously just going to ask for more ultra-tame shit, you still somehow made this legitimately creepy.
38666	TT: Nicely done, I guess?
38667	uu: AH YES. HOW YOu SQuIRM NOW.
38668	TT: I'm not squirming.
38669	uu: LIKE BuLLFuCK YOu AREN'T.
38670	uu: NOW DRAW.
38671	TT: I'm already drawing.
38672	TT: What should I make these "premium bitches" do?
38673	uu: NOTHING JuST YET. WE WILL NOT BE RECKLESS WITH THEIR COuRTSHIP.
38674	uu: THEY TAKE THINGS SLOW. WE MILK THIS FuCKER AND MAKE ITS TEAT OuR BITCH. IT WILL BE DELICIOuS.
38675	TT: Ok.
38676	TT: So they're just...
38677	TT: Standing there?
38678	uu: ONE OF THEM IS SHY AND RELuCTANT TO ADVANCE.
38679	uu: JANE. THE JANE HuMAN IS RELuCTANT AND SHY.
38680	uu: YOu WILL RENDER THE JANE HuMAN AS SHOWING A BASHFuL AND COQuETTISH DEMEANOR.
38681	uu: I DON'T KNOW HOW SOMEONE DRAWS THAT THOuGH. I'M NOT A FuCKING ARTIST.
38682	uu: YOu'RE THE ARTIST. MAKE THAT HAPPEN. AND MAKE IT PERFECT.
38683	TT: Not a problem.
38684	TT: Ok:
38685	TT: http://goo.gl/HmRpl
38686	uu: OOOOOOOH. LOOK AT HER.
38687	uu: SHE HAS HER EYE ON THAT ROMANTICALLY DESIRABLE BITCH. OH WHAT SHE WOuLD SAY TO HER. IF SHE COuLD SuMMON THE NERVE.
38688	TT: Maybe she wants to ask her out?
38689	uu: SHuT uP. I'M RuNNING THIS.
38690	uu: NOW.
38691	uu: THE ROXY HuMAN TAKES THE INITIATIVE IN THE ENCOuNTER.
38692	uu: SHE PLACES HER BEVERAGE ON THE FLOOR. SHE SAuNTERS uP TO JANE. AND PERPETRATES ONE OF YOuR HuMAN "WINKS".
38693	TT: http://goo.gl/WrdJG
38694	uu: SHE KEEPS HER FuCKING HAND TO HERSELF YOu PRESuMPTuOuS TOOL.
38695	uu: ERASE THAT. NOW.
38696	TT: http://goo.gl/Ay8mv
38697	uu: AND NOW.
38698	uu: THE ROXY HuMAN OPENS HER HEART. AND PROFESSES HER "FEELINGS".
38699	uu: THE BITCH TELLS THE OTHER BITCH A POEM.
38700	uu: MAKE THE BITCH SAY A POEM. DO IT.
38701	TT: Sure.
38702	TT: http://goo.gl/1Ha6R
38703	uu: DAMN! OH DAMN.
38704	uu: HA HA. LOOK AT HER. SHE'S EATING THAT SHIT uP.
38705	uu: GIVE THE BITCH A ROSE!
38706	TT: Ok.
38707	TT: Wait.
38708	TT: Which one?
38709	uu: NO WAIT.
38710	uu: BOTH BITCHES GIVE *EACH OTHER* A FuCKING ROSE!!!
38711	TT: http://goo.gl/GLNHH
38712	uu: YES!
38713	uu: YES!
38714	uu: NOW MAKE HER.
38715	uu: MAKE HER DO THE THING. THE SHAMEFuL THING WHERE SHE RuBS THE ROSE ON THE HER FACE.
38716	uu: YOu KNOW. THE HuMAN PRACTICE. WHEREBY POIGNANT EMOTIONS ARE CONDuCTED THROuGH FACIAL TISSuE.
38717	uu: AS CHANNELED THROuGH THE STEM OF A FRAGRANT PLANT. DRAW THAT SHIT.
38718	TT: http://goo.gl/XE2fl
38719	uu: MAKE HER SING!
38720	uu: JANE HuMAN SINGS. WHILE STILL DOING THAT. HER SuLTRY PARTNER GLISTENS WITH EMOTIONAL PERSPIRATION DOLLOPS.
38721	TT: http://goo.gl/2HsXl
38722	uu: uuuuuuNGH.
38723	uu: OH *MERRRCY*.
38724	uu: THAT IS JuST.
38725	uu: SOO.
38726	uu: GRODY.
38727	TT: Does your sister even know you're into this sappy shipping stuff?
38728	TT: You berate her constantly for everything, and I know she likes to write and illustrate romfics and the like.
38729	uu: NO. SHE ENJOYS IT FOR WRONG AND DISGuSTING REASONS.
38730	uu: HER FASCINATION WITH THE RED STIRRINGS OF INFERIOR RACES. IT STRIKES ME AS TOO SINCERE AND THEREFORE REPELLENT.
38731	uu: MY ENJOYMENT IS. IRONIC.
38732	TT: Again, you just don't seem to know what ironic means.
38733	TT: Your enjoyment of this content is clearly sincere. You are just fetishizing your "disgust" for it, is all.
38734	uu: FuCK YOu WITH THAT ASSESSMENT.
38735	uu: YOu DON'T TELL ME. OF WHAT VALuE THE PORNOGRAPHY HAS TO ME. IN MY OWN GAME.
38736	uu: YOu JuST FuCKING DRAW. AND DON'T TALK.
38737	TT: I'm just saying, it's an interest you have in common. If you told her you liked her romantic artwork, maybe you could bond over that?
38738	uu: BONDING.
38739	uu: IS THE LAST FuCKING THING WE NEED TO DO.
38740	uu: I HAVE NOT TOLD HER OF MY IRONIC FASCINATIONS. AND YOu WILL NOT EITHER.
38741	uu: I WILL NOT TELL HER. THAT I SECRETLY PERuSE HER WORK IN A STATE OF PETRIFIED MORTIFICATION FOR HOuRS. AND NEITHER WILL YOu.
38742	TT: Fair enough.
38743	TT: So, game over yet?
38744	uu: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
38745	uu: NO.
38746	uu: I SAID BEFORE.
38747	uu: THESE STEAMY BOTHERED uP BITCHES ARE HuNGRY FOR SWEETS.
38748	uu: THE JANE HuMAN HAS BAKED A CAKE.
38749	TT: And?
38750	uu: THE JANE HuMAN HAS BAKED A CAKE.
38751	TT: Ok.
38752	TT: http://goo.gl/vvYxn
38753	uu: AW FuCK. THOSE BITCHES EYEBALL THAT LuSCIOuS CONFECTION.
38754	uu: IT'S MOIST AS SHIT. IT TEMPTS THEM. THEY BEGIN TO HuMAN SALIVATE.
38755	TT: http://goo.gl/vsGuq
38756	uu: THE MuTuALLY SWOONING BITCHES GET FRISKY WITH THE TREAT.
38757	uu: ROXY HuMAN CHOPS OuT A WEDGE. FEEDS IT TO JANE HuMAN'S ZEALOuS SNACK HOLE.
38758	TT: Ok.
38759	uu: BuT. NOT SO FAST.
38760	uu: SHE SMuSHES IT AROuND THE GREEDY CAKESLuT'S HuMAN LIPS AND FEATuRES.
38761	uu: MISGuIDED FEELINGS OF FONDNESS AND LEVITY WAX INCREMENTALLY.
38762	uu: A GIGGLE IS RELEASED.
38763	TT: Oh shit.
38764	TT: Things are really heating up now.
38765	TT: http://goo.gl/v33Yj
38766	uu: YES. FuCK YES.
38767	uu: I WANT THEM TO HuMAN "HOLD HANDS". THEY WILL HuMAN "HOLD HANDS" NOW.
38768	uu: THEIR ODIOuS "LOVE" IS BLOSSOMING BEFORE OuR EYES AND TO OuR uNSPEAKABLE DISMAY. CAN YOu FEEL IT DIRK?
38769	TT: Yes.
38770	uu: MAKE THEIR CAKEY HANDS. BECOME CLASPED TOGETHER AS ONE.
38771	uu: IT FEELS MuSHY AND SLIPPERY. THEY ENJOY THE SENSATION IMMENSELY. IT IS VILE.
38772	TT: http://goo.gl/ObEuT
38773	uu: YES!
38774	uu: CLOSER!!!
38775	uu: GET THE FuCKING CAMERA CLOSER YOu DOuCHE BAG!
38776	uu: I WANT TO SEE SOME *DETAIL*. HIGH DEF THAT STICKY MESS.
38777	TT: http://goo.gl/gz1iH
38778	uu: OHHHHHHHHHH.
38779	uu: FuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuCK.
38780	uu: THAT IS JuST DOWNRIGHT.
38781	uu: *AFFFFFFFECTIONAAAAAATE.*
38782	TT: Yeah.
38783	TT: Those girls sure are diggin' each other.
38784	TT: That's how we humans roll.
38785	TT: Eat some cake. Hold some hands.
38786	uu: AH. BuT THEIR TAWDRY ROMP IS FAR FROM OVER.
38787	uu: JANE HAS HAD A LITTLE TOO MuCH CAKE TO EAT.
38788	uu: PERHAPS HER HuMAN TuMMY NEEDS A RuB?
38789	TT: Ha ha.
38790	TT: Oh god.
38791	uu: WHAT'S THIS! COuLD IT BE.
38792	uu: YOuR BREAKING POINT IS IN SIGHT.
38793	uu: YOu ARE BECOMING SQuEAMISH. I CAN FEEL IT.
38794	uu: YES.
38795	uu: YESSSSS.
38796	TT: If you think this is making me uncomfortable, think again.
38797	uu: NO I'LL THINK ONLY ONCE. YOu ARE SuCCuMBING TO MY GAME. YOu ARE BECOMING PSYCHOLOGICALLY uNGLuED AND I AM WINNING.
38798	TT: Nice wishful thinking there.
38799	TT: I'm not even merely tolerating this, bro.
38800	TT: I swear to god, I'll get my own horse running harder in this fuckin' race than you could ever dream.
38801	uu: WHAT. HORSE?
38802	TT: Think I'll blink first, motherfucker?
38803	TT: Not happening.
38804	TT: I might splinter.
38805	TT: But I don't break.
38806	uu: OH WHATEVER. ASSHOLE.
38807	uu: IS THAT SuPPOSED TO BE "COOL".
38808	TT: You want a fuckin' tummy rub?
38809	TT: That shit sounds white hot. I can't wait to draw that and get us both sexually stimulated.
38810	TT: Here I goddamn go. Boners galore.
38811	TT: http://goo.gl/zJgPI
38812	TT: This is giving me the biggest male human boner of my entire erection life.
38813	uu: STOP MENTIONING MALE HuMAN BONERS.
38814	uu: I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THOSE ARE. AND I DON'T WANT TO.
38815	uu: SO IF THAT WAS THE PLAN ALL ALONG.
38816	uu: TO MENTION BONERS.
38817	uu: YOuR PLAN FuCKING SuCKED.
38818	TT: You want a shitty twist?
38819	TT: http://goo.gl/8WOPP
38820	uu: OK.
38821	uu: WE'RE DONE HERE.
38822	uu: THIS GAME IS OVER.
38823	TT: Aw, that's it?
38824	TT: I thought we were getting into a good rhythm there.
38825	TT: Anyway, you missed out on like half the pairings.
38826	uu: WHAT. HALF. NO WE DID MOST OF THEM DIDN'T WE.
38827	TT: No, we did three, and there are three possible matchups left.
38828	TT: Don't you know anything about shipping science?
38829	uu: THAT'S A THING?
38830	uu: HOW THE FuCK COuLD THAT BE A THING.
38831	TT: Believe me.
38832	TT: It's a thing.
38833	TT: Total number of pairings for a group of n people is (n^2 - n) / 2.
38834	TT: You divide by 2 to cut the grid in half, eliminate duplicate pairs.
38835	TT: Minus n is so you don't pair people up with themselves. That wouldn't make sense.
38836	uu: AND WHY THE FuCK NOT??
38837	TT: Well, because...
38838	TT: I don't know.
38839	TT: Maybe you're right. Maybe I was being close-minded about self-pairing. What do I know?
38840	uu: JACK SHIT OBVIOuSLY.
38841	uu: ANYWAY. FuCK ALL THAT. YOu DON'T SPOIL GOOD DEBAuCHERY. WITH A LOT OF STuPID MATH.
38842	uu: YOu MAY THINK YOu'RE SMART. BuT EXCESSIVE SMARTNESS CAN MAKE YOu BE MORE OF AN IDIOT.
38843	uu: INTELLIGENT IDIOCY CAN BE EASILY EXPLOITED BY THE CuNNING AND RuTHLESS. JuST A TIP FOR YOu. BRO.
38844	TT: I'll make a note.
38845	TT: So you sure you don't want even one more drawing?
38846	TT: You used Jane and Roxy in two pairings. But me and Jake only got one.
38847	TT: How is that fair?
38848	uu: I DECIDE WHAT IS FAIR IN MY GAMES.
38849	uu: IF YOu ARE PROPOSING TO ILLuSTRATE THE JAKE HuMAN BEHAVING AMOROuSLY WITH THE DIRK HuMAN. THE ANSWER IS NO.
38850	TT: Why not?
38851	uu: THAT ENCOuNTER DOES NOT SEEM AS REPREHENSIBLY SCANDALOuS.
38852	uu: FIRST OF ALL. I ASK OF YOu. WHERE ARE THE BITCHES AT?
38853	uu: I REST MY CASE.
38854	TT: Lame.
38855	uu: SECOND OF ALL. I DON'T WISH TO LANGuISH IN THE PuMPKIN PATCH.
38856	TT: What?
38857	uu: ORANGE AND EMERALD. uNPLEASANT TOGETHER.
38858	uu: I HAVE NO TASTE FOR PuMPKINS. OR ANY HORRID VEGETABLE MATTER.
38859	uu: MEAT OR CANDY. THAT'S WHAT'S GOOD. THE GAME IS OVER.
38860	TT: Fine.
38861	TT: I'll keep all my illustrated debasements to myself, then.
38862	uu: GOOD. DO THAT.
38863	TT: Ok. I will.
38864	TT: So did I win?
38865	uu: I WILL SAY.
38866	uu: YES.
38867	uu: YOu WERE COOPERATIVE AND GENERALLY ENTHuSED ABOuT MY GAME.
38868	uu: CONGRATuLATIONS DIRK.
38869	TT: Thanks.
38870	TT: So what's the shitty twist?
38871	uu: AH! BuT NOT SO FAST.
38872	uu: YOu SEE. THERE IS A TWIST TO MY SHITTY TWIST.
38873	TT: A twisted twist?
38874	TT: Like... a double mobius handjob or something?
38875	uu: YES. PROBABLY.
38876	TT: Ok.
38877	TT: What is the twist to the twist?
38878	uu: THE TWIST TO THE TWIST IS.
38879	uu: I WON'T TELL YOu WHAT THE SHITTY TWIST IS FOR A YEAR!!!
38880	TT: Wow.
38881	TT: That...
38882	TT: Really is quite a shitty twist.
38883	uu: YOuR GRATIFICATION ON THIS MATTER WILL BE DELAYED.
38884	uu: I HAVE NOTICED. AS YOuR AWFuL MEANDERING SAGA WENDS ITS WAY. THROuGH THE ASS CRACK OF NOWHERE AND BACK.
38885	uu: ANSWERS TO POINTLESS QuESTIONS ARE OFTEN DEFERRED. NIGH INDEFINITELY.
38886	uu: AND SO THIS WILL CAuSE YOu TO REFLECT. uPON A LIFETIME SPENT.
38887	uu: BEING INSIDE A BuLLSHIT STORY LIKE THAT.
38888	uu: IS THE IRONY NOT FuCKING DELICIOuS?
38889	TT: Not really.
38890	uu: I WILL TELL YOu THE FATE OF MY SISTER IN ONE YEAR.
38891	uu: AT THAT TIME I WILL TELL YOu THE TWIST.
38892	uu: AND ALTHOuGH YOu PLAYED MY GAME SuCCESSFuLLY.
38893	uu: IN ORDER TO SPARE HER LIFE.
38894	uu: IT WILL HAVE TuRNED OuT.
38895	uu: ALL ALONG.
38896	uu: TO YOuR SHOCK AND ASTONISHMENT.
38897	uu: THAT...
38898	uu: THAAAAT...
38899	uu: I ALREADY KILLED HER!!!!!
38900	TT: What?
38901	TT: Killed who?
38902	uu: AHHH. HA. HA. HA. HA. HA.
38903	TT: Oh, right.
38904	TT: I forgot about this horseshit.
38905	uu: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.
38906	uu: HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
38907	uu: AND THE GREAT THING IS.
38908	uu: HOW I GOT THE IDEA FROM YOuR GAME.
38909	TT: What idea?
38910	TT: The idea to kill her dream self?
38911	uu: NO.
38912	uu: TO GET THE ARCHAGENT TO DO IT.
38913	uu: TO GET HIM TO GO TO PROSPIT.
38914	uu: AND KNIFE A BITCH.
38915	uu: SINCE AS YOu MuST KNOW.
38916	uu: A DERSE GuY CAN'T JuST GO FLYING ACROSS THE MEDIuM.
38917	uu: IT'S AGAINST THE RuLES.
38918	uu: SO.
38919	uu: I HIRED HIM.
38920	TT: How?
38921	uu: I PAID HIM OFF.
38922	uu: WITH CANDY.
38923	uu: EVERY MAN HAS HIS PRICE.
38924	uu: WHEN IT COMES TO SWEETS.
38925	uu: ALTHOuGH.
38926	uu: HE WAS PROBABLY WILLING TO DO IT. EVEN WITHOuT THE BRIBE.
38927	uu: NOIR IS THE BEST THERE IS.
38928	uu: VERY uSEFuL.
38929	uu: VERY STABBY.
38930	uu: I MIGHT EVEN CONSIDER HIM.
38931	uu: MY BEST FuCKING FRIEND.
38932	uu: IF I DIDN'T FIND THE HuMAN EMOTION OF FRIENDSHIP.
38933	uu: NEARLY AS SICKENING AS IT BARELY QuALIFIES.
38934	uu: AS AN ACTuAL EMOTION.
38935	uu: BASICALLY WHAT I'M SAYING IS.
38936	uu: I'M YET ANOTHER STEP CLOSER.
38937	uu: TO BEING IN TOTAL CONTROL.
38938	uu: OF THE NEW GAME I AM ABOuT TO PLAY.
38939	uu: AND THE OLD GAME BETWEEN uS.
38940	TT: Wait...
38941	TT: What game between us?
38942	uu: NO.
38943	uu: NOT YOu AND ME.
38944	uu: uS.
38945	uu: HER AND ME.
38946	uu: ME AND HER.
38947	uu: THERE ARE ONLY A FEW MOVES LEFT.
38948	uu: BEFORE I CAN MATE WITH HER.
38949	TT: Whoa.
38950	uu: WAIT. FuCK. WHAT DID I SAY?
38951	uu: I MEAN.
38952	uu: BEFORE I CAN MATE HER.
38953	uu: MATE. AS IN CHECK MATE. IT'S A FIGuRE OF GODDAMN SPEECH.
38954	uu: YOu KNOW. LIKE IN CHESS???
38955	TT: No. What's that?
38956	uu: SHIT HEAD.
38957	ARANEA: WHAT DO YOU PEOPLE THINK YOU'RE DOING????????
38958	ARANEA: Stop it, all of you!
38959	ARANEA: You couldn't even wait a few minutes while I retrieved one last guest?
38960	ARANEA: I have to come 8ack to THIS????????
38961	TEREZI: 1 4M SORRY 4R4N34
38962	TEREZI: 1 TR13D TO T3LL TH3M 4LL TO B3 COOL
38963	TEREZI: NORM4LLY W3R3 SO MUCH COOL3R TH4N...
38964	TEREZI: *SNORT*
38965	TEREZI: WHY DO 1 4LW4YS TRY TO T3LL P3OPL3 W3R3 COOL?
38966	TEREZI: W3 4R3 SO V3RY UN COOL >:[
38967	ARANEA: Every8ody?
38968	ARANEA: Excuse me, are you listening?! I would like to introduce you to someone.
38969	ARANEA: His name is........
38970	ARANEA: HEY!!!!!!!!
38971	ARANEA: MEENAH! I SAID CUT IT THE FUCK OUT.
38972	ARANEA: Yes! you!
38973	ARANEA: The dead miscreant with the goggles waving around the stupid trident.
38974	ARANEA: Put it down!
38975	MEENAH: what
38976	MEENAH: no way
38977	ARANEA: Yes way.
38978	MEENAH: no
38979	MEENAH: wanna poke these suckas up
38980	ARANEA: Put it down.
38981	ARANEA: I'm serious.
38982	MEENAH: come on lemme puncture one of em
38983	MEENAH: just a little
38984	MEENAH: how bout this shout ass nubby motherglubber who looks like whats his face
38985	ARANEA: I said drop it.
38986	MEENAH: what like on the floor
38987	ARANEA: Yes on the floor!
38988	ARANEA: Now step away from it. That's right.
38989	ARANEA: 8ack. A little further.
38990	ARANEA: I said further!
38991	ARANEA: No, not closer! Further!
38992	ARANEA: Uuuuuuuugh.
38993	ARANEA: Guess what! You just lost your poking privileges.
38994	ARANEA: I think I'll hang on to this for a little while. How do you like that?
38995	MEENAH: s'chool
38996	ARANEA: Ooooooooh. It sure is pretty. Is that real gold? Or, pardon me, "reel."
38997	ARANEA: I 8et I could sell it for a small fortune.
38998	MEENAH: aw man
38999	MEENAH: no dont
39000	ARANEA: Watch me!
39001	MEENAH: yeah like a fuckin ghost could even sell anyfin
39002	MEENAH: any of you scrubs know where to find the prawn shop in this bitch
39003	TEREZI: TH3 WH4T?
39004	MEENAH: some ho is angling to sell ma gold pointy jam
39005	MEENAH: look at her pawin up my royal loot with her clammy shitmitts
39006	MEENAH: greedier spectacle i never did sea
39007	MEENAH: water you blind there pyrope lookin dimwit
39008	TEREZI: Y3S
39009	MEENAH: then listen up
39010	MEENAH: she wants
39011	MEENAH: to hock
39012	MEENAH: my swank fuckin carats
39013	MEENAH: got it
39014	TEREZI: W3LL
39015	TEREZI: MOST OF US H3R3 4R3 1N F4CT R4TH3R W34LTHY
39016	TEREZI: 1 4M NOT SUR3 1F SH3 W1LL F1ND 4N 1NT3R3ST3D BUY3R THOUGH >:]
39017	MEENAH: this sure became a retarded line of talkin
39018	DAVE: (rose whos the john looking kid)
39019	ROSE: (I think it's young Father-Grandad Harleybert.)
39020	DAVE: (what)
39021	ARANEA: Ok then!
39022	ARANEA: Has everyone settled down? Do I have everyone's attention?
39023	MEENAH: attention huh
39024	MEENAH: whoda thought
39025	MEENAH: you would want any of THAT
39026	ARANEA: Just stop. Please?
39027	ARANEA: I know it's only 8een minutes since you died, and you pro8a8ly aren't thrilled to see me for any num8er of reasons.
39028	ARANEA: 8ut for me it has 8een millenia! I have 8een waiting a long time to see you again, and orient you to the afterlife.
39029	MEENAH: heh
39030	MEENAH: being a ghost isnt anyfin you need to be oriented to
39031	MEENAH: were D-EAD who cares
39032	ARANEA: Excuse me for looking forward to our reunion then! I guess I 8uilt it up in my mind as something special for a whole lot of nothing!
39033	MEENAH: yeah probubbly
39034	MEENAH: what elses new though
39035	MEENAH: need to swimmer down girl
39036	MEENAH: you dead
39037	MEENAH: time to act like the fucks you give stopped existin
39038	MEENAH: like they.....
39039	MEENAH: disaspeared 38T
39040	ARANEA: Then you don't care at all, is that it? My waiting here all this time to see you means nothing?
39041	DIRK: Dude, is it just me, or is this kind of awkward.
39042	DIRK: Why did she even drag you here.
39043	JAKE: (Sh!)
39044	MEENAH: i mean
39045	MEENAH: having to wait milleniums and stuff
39046	MEENAH: as a ghost with too much to say
39047	MEENAH: that is nook loads of time
39048	MEENAH: but i mean
39049	MEENAH: we both might of lived that long
39050	MEENAH: if we didnt up and die just now
39051	MEENAH: or at least i woulda
39052	MEENAH: sounds to me like boring times ahoy either fuckin way
39053	ARANEA: ????????
39054	ARANEA: What is even your point!
39055	MEENAH: um
39056	MEENAH: dunno?
39057	MEENAH: sorry serket
39058	MEENAH: lets hug it out later
39059	MEENAH: aight
39060	ARANEA: I think I have completely forgotten the su8tle art of determining whether you're 8eing sincere, through your tangled fishnet of aquatic puns and little sta8s of hostility.
39061	MEENAH: fishnet!
39062	MEENAH: fishnet yessss
39063	MEENAH: you coulda just said net but you said fishnet instead <3
39064	ARANEA: Do you think you can at least remain well mannered while I 8ring the others up to speed on some critical matters?
39065	MEENAH: uh lets sea
39066	MEENAH: no
39067	ARANEA: Grrrrrrrr.
39068	ARANEA: That's it. I'm selling off this gaudy trinket.
39069	MEENAH: no fuck you gimme that
39070	ARANEA: I have developed an eye for priceless treasure.
39071	ARANEA: Do you have any idea who I grew up to 8e in the new world we made?
39072	ARANEA: I'd wager if I put it on the 8lack market, it would fetch a fee to the tuna several 8illion 8oonies.
39073	MEENAH: TUNA 38D
39074	MEENAH: tuna tuna tuna tuna
39075	MEENAH: i love you
39076	KARKAT: WOW. HEY.
39077	KARKAT: FUCKING *EXCUSE ME*
39078	MEENAH: what
39079	KARKAT: WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE AND WHY SHOULD I CARE ABOUT YOU.
39080	TEREZI: K4RK4T S3TTL3 DOWN!
39081	TEREZI: 1 TOLD YOU
39082	TEREZI: TH3Y 4R3 SOM3 OF OUR 4NC3STORS
39083	KARKAT: THEY AREN'T OUR ANCESTORS. WE DON'T HAVE ANCESTORS.
39084	KARKAT: ANCESTRAL LEGACIES ARE A LOT OF SUPERSTITIOUS, ARISTOCRATIC BULLSHITTERY, INVENTED BY HIGHBLOODS SO THEY GET TO FEEL EVEN MORE SMUG AND SELF SATISFIED THAN THEY ALREADY ARE.
39085	KARKAT: EVEN IF WE DO HAVE THEM, WHO CARES? WHO GIVES A SHIT ABOUT THESE PEOPLE?
39086	TEREZI: YOUR3 B31NG V3RY RUD3 >:|
39087	KARKAT: LISTEN. I DON'T KNOW THEM.
39088	KARKAT: I DON'T WANT TO WASTE TIME PASSING THROUGH DREAM BUBBLES IF I'M NOT GOING TO SEE MY DEAD FRIENDS.
39089	KARKAT: IF YOU DRAGGED ME ALL THE WAY UP HERE TO MEET, OH SAY, GHOST NEPETA. FUCKING GREAT!
39090	KARKAT: I'LL HANG OUT WITH DEAD NEPETA ALL DAY LONG. HELL, EVEN SOME RANDOM NEPETA FROM A DOOMED TIMELINE. THAT WOULD BE ALRIGHT.
39091	KARKAT: YOU KNOW WHAT? GIVE ME FIFTY FUCKING NEPETAS! WHY THE HELL NOT. WE'LL CALL OUR JOURNEY THROUGH BLACK ENDLESS DESPAIR "NEPETAQUEST".
39092	KARKAT: BUT THESE LOSERS? WHO CARES ABOUT THEM. I DON'T NEED TO BE MAKING ANY NEW FRIENDS. I HAVE ENOUGH "NEW FRIENDS" AS IT IS.
39093	ROXY: zzzzzz
39094	KARKAT: MY SENTIMENTS EXACTLY, RANDOM HUMAN!
39095	KARKAT: I'M LEAVING.
39096	TEREZI: BL4RGH YOU 4R3 SO T3RR1BL3!
39097	MEENAH: that guy!
39098	MEENAH: nubbyshouts
39099	MEENAH: that guy is cool!!
39100	KARKAT: THANKS, WHOEVER THE FUCK!!!
39101	KARKAT: BYE.
39102	MEENAH: aw man
39103	MEENAH: hes so much cooler than whats his shit
39104	MEENAH: why couldnt whats his shit be more like nubs mcshouty
39105	MEENAH: our team had no cool buoys at all
39106	ROXY: le zzz
39107	MEENAH: sleepy fishbait is right
39108	MEENAH: this is a fuckin drag
39109	MEENAH: can i go hang out with shouty instead
39110	ARANEA: No.
39111	KARKAT: NO.
39112	MEENAH: 38C
39113	DAVE: (hey rose)
39114	DAVE: (i dunno if this is a weird question)
39115	DAVE: (but like)
39116	DAVE: (do you think we should try and wake up our teen mom)
39117	DAVE: (or what)
39118	ROSE: (I'm not sure if that's a good idea.)
39119	ROXY: zzzzees ;)
39120	DAVE: (why)
39121	DAVE: (sounds good to me)
39122	DAVE: (mayor what do you think)
39123	DAVE: (you hear that rose)
39124	DAVE: (the mayor thinks its an awesome idea)
39125	DAVE: (me too buddy me too)
39126	ROSE: (Ok, since I've clearly been outvoted on the matter, and democracy has spoken, I guess I should clarify.)
39127	ROSE: (I'm not sure if it's actually possible.)
39128	DAVE: (why)
39129	ROSE: (I don't think she's ever woken up before.)
39130	DAVE: (oh)
39131	DAVE: (cant you throw some yarn at her)
39132	DAVE: (that worked on me didnt it)
39133	ROSE: (You were technically already awake.)
39134	ROSE: (Also, I don't happen to have any yarn on me at the moment.)
39135	ROSE: (Do you have any yarn on you, Dave?)
39136	DAVE: (what the fuck kind of question is that)
39137	DAVE: (i am the fucking yarn king)
39138	DAVE: (be passin out yarn like cheap cigars)
39139	ROSE: (Cheap cigars...?)
39140	DAVE: (dream mom gave teen ecto birth or some shit)
39141	DAVE: (turned out the baby was us)
39142	DAVE: (so like)
39143	DAVE: (handing out yarn in the waiting room)
39144	DAVE: (like cigars you see)
39145	DAVE: (to other serious dads from the 1950s)
39146	DAVE: (cheap ones cause you dont wanna go fuckin broke on cigars with a baby on the way)
39147	DAVE: (gotta be frugal rose)
39148	DAVE: (celebrate that shit but have some damn sense about your cigar budget)
39149	ROXY: smack snack
39150	ROXY: zzxxx
39151	DAVE: (but yeah i dont got any yarn)
39152	ROSE: (I just,)
39153	ROSE: (Don't see how you can make remarks with such frequency that are so obliviously and so generically loaded from a Freudian perspective.)
39154	ROSE: (It's flabbergasting, really. You never miss a chance.)
39155	ROSE: (Cigars? Describing a scenario where you are both given birth to by your teen mother, as well as playing the role of the proud father in the waiting room?)
39156	DAVE: (oh god no stop)
39157	ROSE: (What should I make of the fact that the phallic imagery you've selected is not only inexpensive, but is administered freely and mirthfully to other expecting fathers?)
39158	ROSE: (Or that the object standing in for the phallic symbol is something you're proposing to throw at our mother's head!)
39159	DAVE: (just shut the fuck up!)
39160	DAVE: (arent you magic or something)
39161	DAVE: (are you still magic or is your superpower now just talking a lot and wearing orange)
39162	DAVE: (why dont you use your magics to wake her up)
39163	DAVE: (arent you kinda curious to talk to her)
39164	DAVE: (like find out what her deal is)
39165	ROSE: (Yes.)
39166	ROSE: (But I don't think I know that spell.)
39167	DAVE: (hey what even is magic anyway)
39168	DAVE: (like are spells real like when you do magic are you actualy doing legit spells like the dipshits in harry potter)
39169	DAVE: (babbling up some false baloney ass latin)
39170	ROSE: (Not really?)
39171	DAVE: (i knew it what a load of shit that all is)
39172	ROSE: (What?)
39173	DAVE: (spells and shit)
39174	ROSE: (Um. Ok?)
39175	ROXY: *SNOAR*
39176	DAVE: (hey rose)
39177	ROSE: (Yeah?)
39178	DAVE: (does mom seem to kinda be)
39179	DAVE: (like uh)
39180	ROSE: (What?)
39181	DAVE: (i dont know)
39182	DAVE: (a sloppy sleeper)
39183	ROXY: zzzzzznort,,..
39184	ROSE: (That's pretty much how she always slept.)
39185	ROSE: (This includes discovering her sleeping in unusual places.)
39186	DAVE: (is she drunk or something)
39187	DAVE: (can a dream self be drunk)
39188	ROSE: (Yes.)
39189	DAVE: (what really)
39190	DAVE: (just like that thats the answer)
39191	DAVE: (like thats something you actually know for sure)
39192	ROSE: (Yes.)
39193	DAVE: (what the fuck)
39194	DAVE: (is it seer powers that let you know that or did you read it in a book)
39195	DAVE: (why would someone write that in a book)
39196	DAVE: (how would you even know that)
39197	ROSE: (I know from experience, I guess.)
39198	DAVE: (yeah bs)
39199	DAVE: (there wasnt even time for that)
39200	DAVE: (drinking or anything)
39201	DAVE: (with all the grimdark nonsense and carting around moon bombs)
39202	DAVE: (and anyway you dont like booze)
39203	ROSE: (Not really. But it grows on you to some extent.)
39204	DAVE: (you are fucking with me)
39205	ROSE: (Do you remember the timeline Davesprite was from?)
39206	DAVE: (oh)
39207	DAVE: (right)
39208	ROSE: (I still remember some things.)
39209	ROSE: (It was actually pretty similar to the way things have been for the last year on this meteor.)
39210	ROSE: (There wasn't very much to do.)
39211	ROSE: (But there was a house full of liquor.)
39212	KANAYA: (Whats Liquor)
39213	DAVE: (SHIT)
39214	DAVE: (oh god i never get used to how quietly troll vampires sneak around)
39215	KANAYA: (What Are We Talking About Here)
39216	DAVE: (liquor is booze you drink it and it makes you fall down and slur words and understand sports)
39217	DAVE: (and apparently snore like an off road motorcycle)
39218	ROXY: lol snork ;D
39219	KANAYA: (Oh A Soporific Human Substance)
39220	KANAYA: (Got It)
39221	ROSE: (What are they talking about over there?)
39222	ROSE: (I think we might be missing something important.)
39223	KANAYA: (I Honestly Have No Idea Whats Going On So I Came Over Here To See If You Knew)
39224	DAVE: (yeah we know fucking squat)
39225	DAVE: (maybe we should have been paying attention i dont even know what the hell these people are talking about)
39226	DAVE: (kind of too many people here maybe karkat was right to sit this one out)
39227	DAVE: (grandpa johns not saying much)
39228	DAVE: (i kind of wonder whats up with him)
39229	DAVE: (maybe hes shy or freaked out hey why did he even show up with that troll girl)
39230	DAVE: (should i say something to him or)
39231	DAVE: (this is awkward)
39232	DAVE: (terezis all asking them questions and stuff)
39233	DAVE: (she is like literally the only one on the ball here this is embarrassing)
39234	ROSE: (They're looking at us.)
39235	DAVE: (oh god yeah)
39236	TEREZI: W1LL YOU GUYS STOP MUMBL1NG TO YOURS3LV3S 4ND G3T OV3R H3R3!
39237	TEREZI: YOUR3 M1SS1NG 4 LOT OF F4SC1N4T1NG STUFF 4BOUT OUR 4NC3STORS!
39238	DAVE: ok
39239	DAVE: can you maybe like
39240	DAVE: give us the gist of it
39241	TEREZI: 3R
39242	TEREZI: 1 DONT KNOW 1F 1...
39243	ARANEA: May8e I should just start over from the 8eginning.
39244	MEENAH: glubber fuck
39245	MEENAH: somemoby kill me
39246	MEENAH: again
39247	MEENAH: make me double die
39248	MEENAH: can that happen can you kill a ghost
39249	ARANEA: Meenah, please!
39250	ARANEA: Our nice new friends have missed some very IMPORTANT DETAILS!
39251	MEENAH: cod almighty
39252	MEENAH: dont you sea
39253	MEENAH: these chumps are too polite to say they dont give a flip
39254	MEENAH: specially that poor buoy you lured on to your boat
39255	MEENAH: lookit him
39256	MEENAH: too polite and afraid to say anyfin at all
39257	DIRK: I'm not.
39258	JAKE: (Sh!!)
39259	ARANEA: Very well.
39260	ARANEA: If you speak for everyone with respect to what is most interesting to talk a8out, then what is your porpoisal?
39261	ARANEA: I mean proposal!
39262	MEENAH: 38D!!!!!
39263	ARANEA: (Stupid infectious fish puns.)
39264	ARANEA: (Took all of five minutes to pull me into your insmanatee again.)
39265	ARANEA: (Insanity! Ugh.)
39266	MEENAH: (eelmao!)
39267	TEREZI: W3LL
39268	TEREZI: W3 COULD JUST NOT WORRY 4BOUT 1T 4ND K33P T4LK1NG L1K3 W3 W3R3
39269	TEREZI: 1 W4S CUR1OUS TO H34R TH3 4NSW3R TO MY L4ST QU3ST1ON
39270	ARANEA: Oh, sure!
39271	ARANEA: You wanted to know how we all died.
39272	ARANEA: That's a pretty interesting story, don't you think, Meenah? :::;)
39273	MEENAH: whatebber
39274	ARANEA: However, I don't think much of it will make sense without some major contextualization.
39275	ARANEA: There's really quite an amazing amount of nuance to the full sequence of events. Many different players, personalities, conflicting agendas, all interwoven together.
39276	ARANEA: I'll need a little time to set the stage for everything to 8e comprehensi8le, if you all don't mind indulging me for a while.
39277	ARANEA: You could say it all started during our darkest hour, when it 8ecame clear our failure was inevita8le. I took it upon myself to venture into the palace of my denizUMPH.
39278	ARANEA: MMMMMMMMPH!!!!!!!!
39279	MEENAH: yo listen up
39280	MEENAH: ill make this reel quick
39281	MEENAH: ok so we all lost cause everybody sucked but me
39282	MEENAH: so serket here wanted to do the scratch thing that would make us all not exist
39283	MEENAH: but i found out from monsters we could keep existin if we was a bunch of ghosts
39284	MEENAH: thing is nobody ever has the guts to off anybody
39285	MEENAH: let alone themshellves
39286	MEENAH: so i blew us all the fuck up
39287	MEENAH: and thats glubbin that
39288	MEENAH: now were ghosts the end
39289	ARANEA: Meempha.
39290	ARANEA: Thap waf.......
39291	ARANEA: THE WORST STORY THAT HAS EVER 8EEN TOLD IN THE HISTORY OF PARADOX SPACE.
39292	MEENAH: whoa clam down
39293	ARANEA: No! I will not "clam down." Clamming is not something you can do, unless you do it UP, or you are literally retrieving clams from a 8ed of soft oceanic soil.
39294	MEENAH: clam your rumble spheres
39295	MEENAH: seriously they is lookin lively girl everyones gawkin
39296	ARANEA: You just have no respect for a well told story.
39297	MEENAH: i said what happened didnt i
39298	ARANEA: Only 8arely!!!!!!!!
39299	ARANEA: You left out so much! All the intrigue, the complicated interpersonal relationships, the 8ackstory, the responsi8le pacing.
39300	ARANEA: Where was the WORLD 8UILDING, Meenah?
39301	MEENAH: who gives a dolphin flip through a big ring of shit
39302	ARANEA: Ok! I think I finally understand the art of storytelling now, thanks to you!
39303	ARANEA: It turns out all you have to do is make series of short, mysterious statements without supplying context or any further ela8oration.
39304	ARANEA: It's all so simple! Let's try it out.
39305	ARANEA: Did you know that "what's his face" Vantas in our post-scratch world grew up to 8e a spiritual leader followed 8y millions?
39306	ARANEA: They killed him though. He died handcuffed to something, while shouting a rude word. The end!
39307	ARANEA: Leijon grew up to 8e his m8sprit! She wrote stuff down and spent a long time in a cave. That's that.
39308	ARANEA: Their 8uddy Captor flew a ship for some hag. It wasn't a very cool gig. Maryam found a wiggler and died a slave. Did I mention our planet 8ecame kind of a shithole? No, I don't think I did, 8ecause that's apparently not how you "tell stories."
39309	MEENAH: ...
39310	MEENAH: go on
39311	ARANEA: Zahhak 8uilt me a ro8otic arm. He was ordered 8y a high8lood to kill a girl 8ut he couldn't do it, and was 8anished. Really 8eat himself up over that. 8ut it's ok 8ecause his descendant redeemed the honor of his legacy 8y doing whatever a murderous clown told him to. Wait, was that too much detail? Forget I said some of that. Moving on!
39312	ARANEA: Ampora was a pirate. No8ody liked him. He killed a lot of people, 8ut was later executed 8ecause he was una8le to tell a funny joke. What else needs to 8e said? That's right. Nothing.
39313	ARANEA: Makara was the guy who didn't like his joke. He was terri8le and so is his story. Period.
39314	ARANEA: Nitram was a hero who led a re8ellion. He killed me. 8ut not 8efore things got pretty steamy 8etween us. Want to hear the juicy details? You're out of luck!!!!!!!!
39315	MEENAH: aww man 38(
39316	ARANEA: Pyrope cut off my arm and arrested me, 8ut I killed her. This triggered a karmic cycle of revenge which led to the eventual 8linding of her descendant.
39317	ARANEA: Sorry, Terezi. Them's the 8r8ks!
39318	TEREZI: W41T
39319	TEREZI: WH4T?
39320	ARANEA: As for me, well, I could go on ALL DAAAAAAAAY a8out that su8ject. 8ut I won't!
39321	ARANEA: I was a cool pir8te. The 8est pir8! I lived a long time, had amazing adventures, got all the treasure, then died. That's all she wrote!
39322	ARANEA: 8ut not literally. She wrote quite a lot in fact. She had a lot to say, just like me. Which is why she's so gr8.
39323	ARANEA: Let's see. Who am I forgetting here?
39324	MEENAH: uh
39325	MEENAH: ahem
39326	ARANEA: Oh, of course. Megido! Now there's an interesting story full of exciting twists and turns we won't 8e getting into.
39327	ARANEA: She was kidnapped as a child 8y a creep, then served the creep's 8oss for millions of sweeps. She helped make everything lousy. Then you killed her and took her jo8.
39328	ARANEA: Anyway, I think this tedious tale has gone on for entirely too long already!
39329	ARANEA: I can't think of a single thing left to address that could possi8ly 8e of interest to anyone.
39330	MEENAH: no no shut up
39331	MEENAH: do me now what about me
39332	MEENAH: waterboat meeeee!!!
39333	ARANEA: Why, Meenah. Could it 8e that you would like to hear more?
39334	ARANEA: I must 8e imagining things, 8ecause you are on record as finding my stories 8oring.
39335	MEENAH: no these stories are more interesting than your usual ones
39336	MEENAH: i can tell because im actually still a wake
39337	ARANEA: Very well. You would like to know a8out your post-scratch adult life.
39338	ARANEA: Would you like the short version? Or the long version?
39339	MEENAH: uh
39340	MEENAH: are those the only two options
39341	ARANEA: You tell me.
39342	MEENAH: how about
39343	MEENAH: not the looooooooooooooooooooong version
39344	MEENAH: like dont go full fuckin serket on us
39345	MEENAH: but
39346	MEENAH: dont leave out too much of the cool stuff?
39347	MEENAH: shit man why do i gotta explain this to a presumably rational person
39348	MEENAH: just tell me what ma junk was bitch!
39349	ARANEA: Very well.
39350	ARANEA: I shall strive to convey your story, including details which you are likely to find interesting on account of vanity, whilst attempting to refrain from going "Full Serket" on you and other hapless 8ystanders.
39351	MEENAH: blub
39352	MEENAH: come on spit it out windfang
39353	MEENAH: no more adventures on the high breeze got it
39354	ARANEA: Fine.
39355	ARANEA: You want the a8ridged-version, 8ut-may8e-not-so-a8ridged, as-long-as-the-stuff-that-you-in-particular-would-like-to-hear-is-included, of the Meenah Peixes saga?
39356	ARANEA: Here we go.
39357	ARANEA: Instead of storming off to the moon in a huff, Peixes em8raced her role as an heiress.
39358	ARANEA: Once she reached the age to challenge the empress, she killed her predecessor easily.
39359	ARANEA: She did more to sink our race into perpetual darkness and violence than any empress before her, and her rule lasted the longest 8y far.
39360	ARANEA: She conquered thousands of planets and star systems, many of them personally. She was responsi8le for the death of trillions.
39361	ARANEA: Her reign was interrupted only 8y the extinction of our race, which was orchestrated 8y the omniscient creep I mentioned previously.
39362	ARANEA: She flew back to her homeworld, killed Megido, and assumed control of her demonic powers.
39363	ARANEA: In doing so, she also assumed her role as the servant to an indestructi8le demon, whose existence was a8out to result in the annihilation of our universe.
39364	ARANEA: 8ut 8efore that, he had a new assignment for her.
39365	ARANEA: Is this 8rief enough? Am I addressing all the "cool stuff" to your satisfaction?
39366	MEENAH: 38o
39367	ARANEA: That's the first half of her story.
39368	ARANEA: In the second half, she escaped to a fresh universe to wreak more havoc.
39369	ARANEA: She infiltrated a planet called Earth, which is home to a race called humans. These guys here.
39370	ARANEA: On the post-scratch version of Earth (long story), she gained a8solute power, flooded the planet, and completely wiped out the human population, while expanding her a8ilities even further.
39371	ARANEA: She then somehow entered the humans' game session, and took control there as well.
39372	ARANEA: She did all this at the 8ehest of her employer, and has shown no signs of slowing her rampage, or ever dying, for that matter.
39373	ARANEA: So, Meenah. How was that story? Are you 8ored yet?
39374	MEENAH: 38o
39375	JAKE: (Dirk...)
39376	DIRK: What?
39377	JAKE: (I think...)
39378	JAKE: (I think thats the batterwitch!)
39379	DIRK: Uh, yeah.
39380	DIRK: You're just getting that now?
39381	JAKE: (Great scott!)
39382	JAKE: (I have to do something.)
39383	DIRK: Do something?
39384	DIRK: No, man. Just sit tight, ok?
39385	JAKE: (But thats sea hitler! Shes right there in the spooky flesh!)
39386	JAKE: (Remember all the horrible things you said she did??)
39387	DIRK: Yeah, but...
39388	JAKE: (Cripes it sets my blood aboil just thinking about it.)
39389	JAKE: (I have to stop her! Thats why im here i just figured it out. I have to do it bro!)
39390	DIRK: No you don't. Come on, don't be an idiot.
39391	JAKE: (Yes i do thats what you do when you go back in time and find hitler.)
39392	JAKE: (Thats like one of the rules of adventure if you have the chance to kill hitler and stop his crimes from happening then you do it!)
39393	JAKE: (Oh man oh man oh man...)
39394	DIRK: You didn't go back in time, Jake. Do you even understand what's going on?
39395	JAKE: (I gotta do something ok ok how do i do this...)
39396	JAKE: (Aw frig no time to think here i go!!!)
39397	DIRK: Jake.
39398	JAKE: HIIIIIIIIIIIII YA!!!!!!
39399	DIRK: Jake.
39400	JAKE: DIE FISH HITLER DIE!
39401	DIRK: Jake.
39402	JAKE: I WONT LET YOU KILL MY PEOPLE!
39403	ARANEA: Jake, no! What are you doing????????
39404	JAKE: KA POW! TAKE THAT!!!
39405	DAVE: oh shit grandpa egbert juniordad totally snapped
39406	ARANEA: Jake, stop!
39407	JAKE: AND A BIT OF THAT!
39408	DIRK: Dude, this is completely embarrassing.
39409	JAKE: AND HOW ABOUT A SMIDGEN OF THIS!
39410	DIRK: Everyone thinks you're either stupid or insane.
39411	JAKE: WHAMBO!!!
39412	MEENAH: oof
39413	JAKE: YOU KILLED DIRK AND ROXYS BRO AND MOM RESPECTIVELY!
39414	JAKE: OR YOU WILL LATER I THINK AND I CANNOT LET THAT HAPPEN!
39415	ARANEA: No, no, Jake, that was in another universe! Or, I mean........
39416	JAKE: I WONT LET YOU TURN MY PLANET INTO WATERWORLD!
39417	JAKE: THAT MOVIE WAS GREAT! BUT NOT *THAT* GREAT!
39418	ARANEA: She isn't the same person though! I mean, she is, 8ut........
39419	JAKE: I CANT LET YOU EXPLOIT YOUR BAKED GOODS EMPIRE TO MASSACRE THE HUMAN RACE!
39420	ARANEA: She won't grow up to do any of that! She's the pre-scratch version who.......
39421	ARANEA: You see, the 8atterwitch you're talking a8out was a totally different, uh........
39422	JAKE: OVER MY DEAD BODY AM I GONNA LET YOU STICK A PAIR OF STINKIN JUGGALOS IN THE WHITEHOUSE!
39423	ARANEA: Augh, why does this all have to 8e so complicated to explain!!!!!!!!
39424	JAKE: KARATEEEEEEEEEEEEEE *CHOP!*
39425	MEENAH: oof
39426	DAVE: what
39427	DAVE: juggalos
39428	DAVE: rose is he drunk too
39429	DAVE: what is going on
39430	TEREZI: (psst)
39431	DIRK: ?
39432	TEREZI: (so)
39433	TEREZI: (wh4t 1s th3 d34l w1th you?)
39434	TEREZI: (m1st3r br41n ph4ntom)
39435	DIRK: The deal with me?
39436	TEREZI: (y3s)
39437	DIRK: I'm not sure how to answer that.
39438	DIRK: What's the deal with you?
39439	TEREZI: (uh)
39440	DIRK: How are those horns working out for you?
39441	DIRK: And also the fact that you're an alien? What's up with that?
39442	TEREZI: (>:?)
39443	DIRK: Exactly.
39444	TEREZI: (should 1 t3ll p3opl3 4bout you or...)
39445	DIRK: You didn't see nothin'.
39446	TEREZI: (y3s)
39447	TEREZI: (th4t 1s tru3)
39448	ARANEA: Jake, stop whaling on her like that!
39449	ARANEA: I mean, wailing!
39450	ARANEA: W8! Why am I even correcting myself? Those are homonyms!
39451	ARANEA: No8ody could even tell which kind of whaling I meant!
39452	JAKE: DRAGON PUNCH!
39453	ARANEA: Jake!
39454	JAKE: RIGHT IN THE FISHY KISSER!!!
39455	ARANEA: I SAID.
39456	ARANEA: ST8P!!!!!!!!
39457	JAKE: DOOF.
39458	ARANEA: Sigh.
39459	ARANEA: Meenah, are you ok?
39460	ARANEA: Meenah?
39461	MEENAH: SOOOOOOOOOOO
39462	MEENAH: COOOOOOOOOOOL
39463	DIRK: So...
39464	DIRK: I'm still here, right?
39465	DIRK: Even though Jake woke up?
39466	TEREZI: (1t would s33m so)
39467	DIRK: Ok, just making sure.
39468	DIRK: God my existence is weird.
39469	Ow, your head. The old noggin has been getting a workout lately, and you don't mean the kind you get from puzzles. Good thing your trusty SKULLTOP took some of the brunt. Also, good thing your trusty SKULL took the rest of it. The sturdy bone really makes for a splendid backup helmet, you think.
39470	Speaking of your skulltop, it seems someone's left you a message.
39471	UU: jake, i don't have long to talk so i shall leave this note to yoU while yoU sleep and then go.
39472	UU: i may have to begin, let Us say, bending rUles a bit more than i have?
39473	UU: he is making things bloody impossible. oUr game is now nothing short of war. that is all i will say.
39474	UU: well, i will also say this.
39475	UU: i am scared oUt of my wits to go to sleep now. i don't know what will come of me.
39476	UU: my dream self is kapUt, like yoUrs.
39477	UU: bUt i don't fancy yoU will have troUble waking from yoUr nap.
39478	UU: whereas i...
39479	UU: best not to dwell on it i sUppose.
39480	UU: i don't know what to do besides stall, and keep helping yoU as mUch as i can.
39481	UU: now is the time to retrieve those weapons from the capsUle and prepare the gift!
39482	UU: this is so important. the chain will not be complete Unless the delivery is made.
39483	UU: bUt first yoU may want to test its capabilities.
39484	UU: in particUlar... what are they called?
39485	UU: the infinitesimalizer and monstrositifier?
39486	UU: there sUre are some fUnny names for things strewn aboUt yoUr tale.
39487	UU: remember, green means grow, red means shrink! bUt sUrely yoU know this.
39488	UU: give it a go. perhaps try targeting that Unwieldy edifice stashed away in yoUr sylladex? coUld free Up some space!
39489	UU: bUt remember to hold on to it. it remains as important as ever.
39490	UU: i'll be sodding off then.
39491	UU: so mUch to do, so little time. u_u
39492	Still about 10 minutes to go before the stuff is supposed to appear. In the meantime, might as well mess around with the bunny like she said, see if it works.
39493	Terry! Atta boy. He looks like he is ready and raring to be a loyal companion to his new owner, that lucky bastard. You will be a little sad to say goodbye. You hardly got a chance to know him at all.
39494	You drop some DELICIOUS FRUIT and activate the green beam. Green means grow. This is seriously some Alice in Wonderland shit going on here. And soon you will send the rabbit on its way through the looking glass. These aren't the kind of things that usually occur to you though, especially after several blows to the head. You continue staring vacantly at the dancing fruit, while that kind of thing keeps not occurring to you.
39495	Eureka, it works! Never a doubt in your mind. Grandma's technology is pure modern witchcraft, like she busted loose from a big silver screen playing the Wizard of Oz or some nonsense, which also isn't a thing that's occurring to you right now. This is exactly the kind of technology you win big time awards for. The kind that could end world hunger. Or it would be if humanity wasn't about to go down the toilet anyway. What a bummer.
39496	You deploy the massive thing that's been clogging your sylladex forever. Some time after your house exploded, you found it in the jungle and snapped it up for safe keeping. Even if it didn't have strong sentimental value, you probably would have grabbed it anyway. Globes are sweet. You love globes. Globes, spheres... they're all cool in your book.
39497	But to be completely honest, you'll be relieved to have the inventory space back.
39498	Works like a charm, as expected.
39499	Whoops, there it goes, down the rabbit hole. You'll need to fish it out of there. Supposedly one of your grandma's thingamajigs inside the globe is pretty important?
39500	You'll go get it in a few minutes though. The capsule flower is about to bloom!
39501	There they are! FINALLY! The deadly armaments you have been waiting...
39502	Huh. Those are the armaments? It just looks like a big silly pile of shit. Oh well, you guess that alien girl knows what she's talking about.
39503	Hold on. The clock reset itself to a new countdown. Something else is going to come out of this thing in a little more than an hour.
39504	But according to the game plan, you're not even supposed to still BE here in an hour. You wonder what it could be? Guess you won't be around to find out.
39505	Gotta shrink these weapons down first! No way they're fitting in that box along with the rabbit.
39506	Need to write an addendum to John about this stuff. John who is probably Jane's grandpa from the past, or maybe not really the past? Maybe like a young grandpa clone who lives in that ghost world where you saw all those other kids, including those two Dirk and Roxy-looking kids, and what you think may have been literally a sleeping Roxy, but you aren't totally sure? Why does everything have to be so COMPLICATED? Whatever, no big. Going on adventures isn't about UNDERSTANDING them. It's about being brave, and leaping into fistfights without thinking ahead.
39507	You finish off your note with a few more friendly words, and something vague about who you really are. You are just following your alien friend's advice on maintaining a bit of secrecy so as not to cause timeline problems, but boy is it hard keeping secrets. You can't help yourself, and slip in a subtle clue that your grandmother is actually his pal Jade. Tee hee. You figure if John is even half as sharp as you, he will pick up on that right away. It's ok, it'll just be a little secret between you and him. The pretend-British alien doesn't even need to know.
39508	Terry's ready to go. You ask the bunny kindly to put himself back in the box. He happily complies, and there is no reason at all to ask rhetorically why he wouldn't put himself back in the box.
39509	You place him on the TRANSMATERIALIZER'S pedestal, and get ready to hit the SENDIFICATE button one last time. You can't believe this project is finally finished. No more fun letters between you and your grandma. You guess the next time you talk to her, it will be in person. Hard to believe! But then, for a guy like you, nothing is.
39510	And that was how that stuff happened.
39511	The bunny didn't make it.
39512	UU: finally getting a bit aggressive with yoUr qUeen there?
39513	UU: UsUally yoU aren't nearly as patient with her.
39514	UU: the little "gambit" i permitted yoU at the start has certainly inspired some Unconventional play.
39515	UU: it's not going qUite as miserably for yoU as i expected!
39516	UU: i am sorry to damn yoU with faint praise, bUt with a track record like yoUrs, i sUspect one takes what he can get. ^u^
39517	UU: rook to h4.
39518	uu: SO FuCKING SMuG. HAVE I MENTIONED LATELY HOW GREAT IT'S GOING TO BE WHEN YOu'RE DEAD?
39519	uu: JuST BECAuSE YOu HAVE NEVER LOST A MATCH. DOESN'T MEAN YOu WON'T LOSE THE GAME THAT REALLY MATTERS.
39520	uu: NOR DOES IT EVEN MEAN YOu'LL WIN THIS ONE. IT'S FAR FROM OVER. TRuST ME.
39521	uu: "BISHOP TO C6."
39522	UU: why have yoU been enclosing all yoUr moves in qUotes?
39523	UU: yoU have really been acting so odd this match.
39524	UU: knight to d6.
39525	UU: look oUt! i'm coming for her.
39526	UU: i think she's langUished behind the front lines long enoUgh, woUldn't yoU say?
39527	UU: time to shake things Up. move her, or take my knight.
39528	UU: yoU know yoU want to take her. jUst look at her there. what a cheeky intrUsion. slithered right into yoUr palace and made herself comfy. maybe she'll lay an egg once she's finished her feast. ^U^
39529	UU: might as well take her oUt. yoU know when the action begins and pieces start to fall, that's when yoU make all yoUr most creative mistakes!
39530	UU: anyhoo, far from over yoU say?
39531	UU: no, i don't imagine this game will be taking Up mUch more of oUr time.
39532	uu: OH MY FuCKING GOD.
39533	uu: BLAH. BLAH. BLAH.
39534	uu: THE QuOTES ARE PART OF THE ENCHANTMENT I MENTIONED.
39535	uu: LIKE PART OF A SPELL. YOu KNOW. MAGIC?
39536	uu: YOu LOVE MAGIC. AND HOW IT'S TOTALLY REAL.
39537	uu: "KNIGHT TO D6."
39538	uu: THE KNIGHT IS DEAD.
39539	uu: YOuR WORDS ARE BORING.
39540	UU: i still don't know what yoU think yoU're on aboUt with this enchantment bUsiness.
39541	UU: if it's a psycheoUt tactic to break my concentration, it isn't working!
39542	UU: qUeen to a5.
39543	UU: the knight is dead.
39544	UU: yoUr goose is cooked.
39545	uu: NO. IT IS WORKING.
39546	uu: YOu ARE ACTuALLY PLAYING VERY POORLY RIGHT NOW.
39547	uu: BuT YOu ARE BLINDED TO YOuR MISTAKES BY MY ENCHANTMENT.
39548	uu: "BISHOP TO F3."
39549	uu: THE BISHOP IS DEAD.
39550	uu: YOuR SOMETHING IS SOMETHING.
39551	uu: WHATEVER.
39552	uu: CHECK.
39553	UU: yes, there yoU go!
39554	UU: that's the sort of aggression the people paid top boondollar to see.
39555	UU: king to d2.
39556	uu: "PAWN TO B6."
39557	UU: bishop to d6.
39558	UU: the knight is dead.
39559	UU: your serpents are lost.
39560	UU: check!
39561	uu: OH. WELL SHIT.
39562	uu: IT SuRE DOES APPEAR. THAT I AM IN CHECK.
39563	uu: GuESS I'LL DO SOMETHING ABOuT THAT.
39564	uu: "KING TO F7."
39565	UU: oh dear! so mUch for yoUr enchantment.
39566	UU: that was a dire mistake. mate in foUr.
39567	UU: rook to f4.
39568	UU: check! ~3u
39569	uu: "KING TO G7."
39570	UU: qUeen to e5.
39571	UU: check.
39572	uu: "KING TO G6."
39573	UU: rook to g4.
39574	UU: check!
39575	UU: one more to go, love.
39576	uu: WELL. WHAT IS LEFT FOR ME TO DO.
39577	uu: BESIDES ACCEPT MY DEFEAT GRACEFuLLY.
39578	uu: "KING TO H7."
39579	UU: that's a fine attitUde. maybe yoU are finally making some progress in the realm of sportsmanship?
39580	UU: qUeen to g7.
39581	UU: checkmate. ^U^
39582	uu: NO IT ISN'T.
39583	UU: what are yoU talking aboUt?
39584	UU: don't be a poor sport again. yoU were doing so well there, relatively speaking.
39585	UU: the game is over. better lUck next time, "bro." ^u^
39586	uu: IT IS NOT OVER. "SIS."
39587	uu: LOOK AT THE BOARD CLOSER.
39588	uu: I AM NOT IN CHECKMATE.
39589	UU: i have no idea what yoU're babbling aboUt. soUnds like desperation to me.
39590	UU: i am looking at the pieces. yoUr king cannot step anywhere that does not pUt him in check.
39591	UU: nor can the threat to him be eliminated by other means.
39592	UU: yoU have been mated.
39593	UU: the king is dead.
39594	UU: yoUr enchantment has failed.
39595	uu: THAT IS NOT MY KING.
39596	UU: this is becoming silly.
39597	UU: Unless yoU have something to say aboUt the game which actUally makes sense, i am done with it.
39598	UU: i have more important things to do.
39599	uu: YOu ARE NOT DONE WITH ANYTHING.
39600	uu: uNLESS YOu WANT TO FORFEIT.
39601	uu: LOOK CLOSER AT THE "KING" AND "QuEEN."
39602	uu: AND THEN.
39603	uu: REMOVE THEIR CROWNS.
39604	UU: oh bloody hell.
39605	UU: THIS was yoUr "enchantment?"
39606	UU: are yoU serioUs???????????
39607	UU: UUUUUUUUUUUgh. this is yoUr shittiest twist yet!
39608	uu: WELL PLAYED "SIS!"
39609	uu: YOu CHECKMATED MY QuEEN!
39610	uu: AAH! HAA! HAA! HAA! HAA! HAA! HAA! HAA!
39611	uu: THIS IS SO FuCKING FuNNY.
39612	UU: i am jUst astonished.
39613	UU: not at the gUile of yoUr little ploy, bUt by the fact that yoU actUally seem to think this was a clever rUse.
39614	UU: it is jUst so painfUlly daft, i...
39615	UU: i am speechless!
39616	uu: NEVER SAW SOMEONE SPEECHLESS. WHO HAD SO MuCH TO TYPE.
39617	uu: I THOuGHT YOu OF ALL PEOPLE WOuLD APPRECIATE MY MODIFICATIONS.
39618	uu: THE CROWNS ARE REALLY NICE AND WELL CRAFTED.
39619	uu: FORM FITTING. HARDLY ADDING ANY HEIGHT.
39620	uu: LIKE CAPPING.
39621	uu: A TOOTH.
39622	uu: YOu WERE COMPLETELY FOOLED.
39623	uu: AND NOW THE COVETED PRANKSTER'S GAMBIT BETWEEN uS.
39624	uu: BELONGS TO ME.
39625	UU: this is absUrd.
39626	UU: yoU nagged incessantly for me to allow yoU to reverse the starting positions of the king and qUeen!
39627	UU: i only agreed to get yoU to shUt Up aboUt it, and regardless, i knew i coUld beat yoU anyway even with yoUr initial "advantage." and i was right!
39628	UU: how can yoU claim this as a legitimate strategy?
39629	UU: yoU broke the rUles!
39630	uu: HEY! I DIDN'T BREAK ANY RuLES.
39631	uu: I MERELY ASKED IF YOu WOuLD AGREE. TO ME SWAPPING THE START POSITIONS OF THE KING AND QuEEN.
39632	uu: AND YOu DID AGREE.
39633	uu: BuT THEN I DIDN'T ACTuALLY DO IT.
39634	uu: WHEN DID I SAY I WOuLD? NEVER.
39635	uu: I WAS ONLY GAuGING YOuR WILLINGNESS TO MAKE THE EXCEPTION.
39636	uu: I THEN WENT ABOuT DECORATING MY KING AND QuEEN WITH NICE LITTLE HATS.
39637	uu: WHICH IS *ALSO* NOT AGAINST THE RuLES.
39638	uu: YOu DO IT ALL THE FuCKING TIME. GIVE YOuR GAME PIECES HORNS AND SHIT.
39639	uu: YOu EVEN GIVE THEM NAMES AND BLOOD CASTES. YuCK.
39640	uu: SO IF YOu HAVE A PROBLEM WITH MY DECORATIONS. I SAY POT. ALLOW ME TO INTRODuCE YOU TO THE FuCKING KETTLE.
39641	UU: i cannot believe yoU are defending this maneUver.
39642	UU: yes, i sUppose some of these tactics are technically within boUnds of the LETTER of the rUles, bUt the entire charade was highly disingenoUs and Unsportsmanlike.
39643	UU: it is Unbelievably childish, even for yoU!
39644	uu: I KNOW. I AM A CHILD.
39645	uu: SO ARE YOu. IT JuST SO HAPPENS THAT YOu ARE A CHILD.
39646	uu: WHO JuST GOT FuCKING SERVED.
39647	uu: IT IS NOT AGAINST THE RuLES TO BE CHILDISH. OR DISINGENuOuS. OR uNSPORTSMANLIKE.
39648	uu: IT'S ALSO NOT AGAINST THE RuLES TO BE A BASTARD. WHICH IS ANOTHER THING I AM.
39649	uu: EVERY SINGLE THING I DID WAS LEGAL.
39650	uu: MY QuEEN. DISGuISED AS A KING. MADE MOVES LIKE A KING. WHICH IS WITHIN ITS CAPABILITY. THIS WAS DONE TO DECEIVE YOu.
39651	uu: MY KING. DISGuISED AS A QuEEN. MADE MOVES LIKE A KING. BECAuSE DOING OTHERWISE WOuLD BREAK THE RuLES.
39652	uu: BuT YOu BELIEVED IT HAD HER POWERS. AND I uSED THIS TO MY ADVANTAGE.
39653	uu: WHICH WAS HILARIOuS TO OBSERVE. WATCHING YOu BACK AWAY FROMS "THREATS." FROM WHAT WAS IN TRuTH A DISTANT KING!
39654	uu: ALL THE WHILE MY RuSE. PATENTLY OBVIOuS IN HINDSIGHT. WENT EMBARRASSINGLY uNDETECTED.
39655	uu: NO RuLES BROKEN. NOT ONCE.
39656	uu: IN FACT. IF ANYONE HERE BROKE THE RuLES.
39657	uu: IT WAS YOu.
39658	UU: WHAT??
39659	UU: absolUte bollocks.
39660	UU: what rUles did i break?!
39661	UU: this oUght to be good!
39662	uu: YOu AGREED TO LET ME START WITH THE KING AND QuEEN IN SWAPPED POSITIONS.
39663	uu: IT'S AGAINST THE RuLES TO MAKE AN EXCEPTION LIKE THAT. EVEN IF YOuR OPPONENT IS BEING OBNOXIOuS ABOuT IT.
39664	uu: YOuR WILLINGNESS TO BREAK THE RuLES IS DISGuSTING TO ME. YOu SHOuLD FEEL ASHAMED OF YOuRSELF.
39665	uu: LuCKILY. AT LEAST ONE OF uS HAS RESPECT FOR THE RuLES.
39666	uu: I STARTED WITH ALL MY PIECES IN THE CORRECT POSITION.
39667	uu: IN SPITE OF YOuR WILLINGNESS TO ALLOW THOSE RuLES TO BE BROKEN.
39668	uu: WHICH AS I HAVE ADDRESSED. IS TOTALLY SHAMEFuL.
39669	uu: YOu ARE VERY FORTuNATE TO HAVE A "BRO" WHO RESPECTS THE INTEGRITY OF THE GAME EVEN WHERE HIS "SIS" MIGHT FALTER.
39670	uu: A "BRO" WHO. WHILE FuLLY ADHERING TO THE RuLES. AND EXPOSING YOuR HIDDEN SHAMEFuL TENDENCIES.
39671	uu: STILL MANAGED TO DEFEAT YOu.
39672	UU: YOU PRICK!!!!!!!!!!!
39673	UU: ohh, i coUld jUst strangle yoU.
39674	UU: yoU don't even know how tempted i am to do so right now.
39675	UU: i did not break the rUles. i was doing yoU a FAVOUR.
39676	UU: in any case, yoU say yoU managed to beat me? when did that happen!
39677	UU: even thoUgh yoU've exposed yoUr rUse, yoU haven't actUally mated me yet, grandmaster "bro."
39678	uu: THEN YOu ADMIT THE GAME CONTINuES TO BE PERFECTLY LEGITIMATE. AND STILL IN PLAY?
39679	UU: bring it on!!!!!!!!!!!
39680	uu: QuEEN TO C2.
39681	uu: CHECK.
39682	UU: king to e3.
39683	uu: ROOK TO E3.
39684	uu: CHECK.
39685	uu: SOMEONE'S IN DEEP SHIT.
39686	UU: blech. look at this royal cockUp.
39687	UU: this is so stUpid.
39688	UU: now i either have to sacrifice my qUeen, or move my king into a strategically horrible position.
39689	UU: why am i even going along with this?
39690	uu: YES. THAT SuRE IS A STRATEGIC DILEMMA.
39691	uu: WHO WOuLD HAVE THOuGHT. THAT THE GAME OF CHESS. WOuLD PRESENT SuCH A SCENARIO?
39692	uu: DO YOu FORFEIT.
39693	UU: yoU wish.
39694	UU: to hell with it. let's sacrifice the qUeen.
39695	UU: i still pUt odds in my favoUr, with my rooks and bishop versUs yoUr bishop, rook, and qUeen.
39696	UU: i've bested yoU before with less material and initiative on my side.
39697	UU: qUeen to c3.
39698	UU: the rook is dead.
39699	UU: my "bro" is an arse!
39700	uu: WHOA. WHAT A HuGE MISTAKE. HA. HA.
39701	uu: I THINK I MuST BE IN YOuR HEAD. EVEN MORE THAN uSuAL.
39702	uu: QuEEN TO C3.
39703	uu: THE QuEEN IS DEAD.
39704	uu: THE BITCH FuCKED uP.
39705	uu: CHECK!
39706	UU: oh shUt Up and play.
39707	UU: king to e2.
39708	uu: PAWN TO E5.
39709	UU: rook to c4.
39710	uu: BWA HA HA.
39711	uu: ANOTHER IDIOTIC BLuNDER. THIS IS SO EASY.
39712	uu: QuEEN TO F3.
39713	uu: CHECK.
39714	UU: king to d2.
39715	uu: QuEEN TO D5.
39716	uu: CHECK.
39717	uu: ON THE FuCKING RuuuuuuuuuuuN. WOO. HOO. HOO.
39718	UU: shUsh.
39719	UU: king to c2.
39720	uu: QuEEN TO D6.
39721	uu: THE BISHOP IS DEAD.
39722	uu: HIS FLESH CONSuMED.
39723	UU: wait, where did yoU pUt it?
39724	UU: yoU better not have jUst literally eaten the bishop.
39725	UU: rook to c8.
39726	UU: check.
39727	uu: KING TO D7.
39728
39729	UU: rook to h8.
39730	UU: the rook is dead.
39731	UU: oUr shits weren't given.
39732	uu: QuEEN TO C5.
39733	uu: HAA. HAA.
39734	uu: CHECK.
39735	uu: ANYFuCK. NO. I DON'T IMAGINE THIS GAME WILL BE TAKING uP MuCH MORE OF OuR TIME.
39736	uu: SSSSSSSSSSS.
39737	uu: DID SOMEONE LET THE SNAKES LOOSE?
39738	uu: OR WAS THAT THE SOuND OF MY VICIOuS bURN.
39739
39740	UU: grr.
39741	UU: king to d2.
39742	uu: QuEEN TO D5.
39743	uu: CHECK.
39744
39745	UU: king to e2.
39746	uu: QuEEN TO F3.
39747	uu: CHECK.
39748
39749	UU: king to d2.
39750	uu: QuEEN TO G4.
39751	uu: THE ROOK IS DEAD.
39752	uu: OuR CHESS SET IS SHRINKING.
39753	UU: will yoU stop... *DOING THINGS* with the dead pieces!
39754	UU: i swear, as if the jUvenile "enchantment" wasn't enoUgh, if it tUrns oUt yoU are also losing or destroying pieces deliberately, I AM GOING TO STRAIGHT UP FLIP A BITCH.
39755	UU: rook to h7.
39756	UU: CHECK!!!!!!!!!!!
39757	uu: KING TO C6.
39758	UU: king to c2.
39759	uu: WOW. ANOTHER AWFuL MOVE!
39760	uu: YOu'RE PLAYING ALMOST AS SHITTY AS I uSuALLY DO.
39761	uu: LOOKS LIKE MY ENCHANTMENT WORKED BETTER THAN I THOuGHT.
39762	uu: FOR SOMETHING THAT WAS IN REALITY.
39763	uu: FAKE ASS MAGIC.
39764	uu: QuEEN TO E4.
39765	uu: CHECK.
39766	UU: king to b2.
39767	uu: QuEEN TO H7.
39768	uu: THE ROOK IS DEAD.
39769	uu: THE JIG IS uP.
39770	uu: MATE IN FOuR.
39771	uu: OR LESS!
39772	UU: FUCK THIS!!!!!!!!!!!
39773	UU: i don't know why i bothered hUmoUring yoUr vile Underhanded rUbbish!
39774	UU: I HATE YOU. JUST SOD RIGHT OFF TO HELL, PLEASE.
39775	uu: HEY THERE. BE CAREFuL.
39776	uu: A GuY COuLD GET THE WRONG IDEA. AND MISTAKE YOuR OuTBuRST FOR SOMETHING.
39777	uu: CALIGINOuS.
39778	uu: THAT WOuLD BE MOST uN"SISTERLY." DON'T YOu THINK.
39779	uu: ANYWAY. BY THE LOOKS OF THIS MESSY BOARD.
39780	uu: I'M GOING TO ASSuME YOu FORFEITED THE MATCH.
39781
39782	UU: yoU are disgUsting.
39783	UU: i really loathe yoU, and no, NOT IN "THAT WAY!"
39784	UU: i am not going to talk to yoU for a while. probably a LONG while.
39785	UU: i only hope i can overcome my contempt for yoU when it comes time to play oUr game. bUt i am not holding my breath!!!!!!!!!!!
39786	UU: leave me alone.
39787	uranianUmbra [UU] blocked undyingUmbrage [uu]
39788	uu: YOu BLOCKED ME AGAIN? YOu KNOW THAT DOESN'T DO ANYTHING.
39789	uu: ANYWAY. I'M HAPPY WE ARE IN AGREEMENT THAT I WON.
39790	uu: YOu SHOuLDN'T uNDERESTIMATE ME.
39791	uu: I'LL LEAVE YOu ALONE FOR A WHILE LIKE YOu WANT. BECAuSE REALLY. WHO CARES ABOuT YOu?
39792	uu: BuT YOu SHOuLD BELIEVE ME.
39793	uu: WHEN I TELL YOu.
39794	uu: SOME DAY.
39795	uu: I'M GOING TO KILL YOu IN YOuR SLEEP.
39796	uu: MAYBE EVEN.
39797	uu: MORE THAN ONCE.
39798	Your nimble friend returned with the duplicated obelisk, allowing you into the crypt to pursue your father. Ahead appears to be a locked door, that was punched clean through. You are on the right track. You are sure of it.
39799	You can smell his cologne. Or at least you think you can. Maybe you're just imagining it? You know what, it doesn't matter. Someone punched through this door, and that guy was your dad. End of story!
39800	Another incoming message from your client shades. Your client human sure is a busy guy. You've barely heard a peep out of him since you got here.
39801	TT: Hold up.
39802	TT: Before you go any further, there's been a change of plan.
39803	GG: Really?
39804	TT: Well, not a change of plan so much as an acceleration.
39805	TT: Everyone needs to get into the game sooner than expected. There is a new unaccounted for variable.
39806	TT: Particularly for Roxy and Dirk.
39807	GG: What is it?
39808	TT: They are probably going to die if they don't join the game very soon.
39809	GG: Shucks!!!!!
39810	TT: Hey, I'm upset about it too, but let's watch the fucking language.
39811	GG: Ok, what do I do?
39812	TT: Install the server. I downloaded it to your computer along with a few other crucial system upgrades when we established our connection.
39813	GG: Upgrades? What upgrades?
39814	GG: Wait, is that how this stupid "Delirious Biznasty" application got on here?
39815	TT: No comment.
39816	TT: Install and run the server.
39817	TT: You will be connecting with Roxy. I will have Jake connect with Dirk. Setting up the chain like this will be important.
39818	GG: Why?
39819	TT: It seems that I again have no comment.
39820	GG: Sheesh.
39821	GG: Very well then, Mister Zipperlips.
39822	TT: I don't have lips. You just said something laughably illogical.
39823	TT: How typical of someone who isn't a fashion accessory of immeasurable intelligence.
39824	GG: Whatever! Let's curtail the horseplay this once while I help Roxy.
39825	GG: Ok. I installed it. Now what? Should I run it?
39826	TT: Yes. That copy is programmed to connect automatically with the client she's running.
39827	GG: Okey dokey. Doing that now.
39828	GG: Hey, I can see her room! :B
39829	GG: That's a really nice room there.
39830	GG: But where is she?
39831	GG: Hah, her drink is still there. So she can't have gone far.
39832	TT: Oh snap.
39833	GG: I don't see her anywhere in the rest of the house.
39834	GG: I see plenty of plush wizards and window gizmos, and... pumpkins? Really, Roxy?
39835	GG: What an unusual house design. Are all homes in the future like this?
39836	TT: You mean the ones that aren't under water? Yes. They are all almost exactly like that.
39837	GG: I just tried messaging her. But no response.
39838	TT: I'm sure she's out cruising the hood, probably messin' with the locals.
39839	TT: Maybe attempting some ill advised drunken heroics.
39840	TT: Pretty tight numerical probability of that, I just decided with unfeeling precision.
39841	GG: She said things were on fire when we last talked?
39842	GG: Actually, she said the whole neighborhood was burning down, if I recall.
39843	GG: But judging by the view from her window, it looks lovely outside.
39844	GG: What exactly is the danger I am saving her from here?
39845	TT: Zoom out.
39846	TT: Way out.
39847	GG: OH NO!!!!!
39848	GG: Roxy, where are you??? :(
39849	TT: We'll track her down.
39850	TT: The important thing to do now is deploy all the devices quickly, so the house will be ready to jet the moment she gets back.
39851	GG: How do you know she's not hurt?
39852	TT: That is statistically remote.
39853	TT: Given that I can track the coordinates of certain devices she carries, and they are presently in motion.
39854	TT: Really, the fire is not the most significant threat, or even the drones.
39855	GG: Then what is?
39856	TT: Do you see the red stringy stuff coming from the sky?
39857	GG: Oh...
39858	GG: Yes.
39859	GG: What IS that??
39860	TT: If sources are to be trusted, and my calculations are reliable within a 0.001% margin of error, it's a bunch of super deadly red shit.
39861	TT: No time to get into that now though. Just deploy the devices quickly.
39862	TT: You know the drill.
39863	GG: Right. Let's see.
39864	GG: There's hardly any space in here to put anything. I'll have to make some room.
39865	GG: I don't want to damage any of her belongings though.
39866	TT: That would be unconscionable.
39867	GG: WHOOPS!
39868	GG: Dag nabbit. This trackpad is AWFUL!
39869	GG: Lousy dad computer.
39870	GG: Why does he have to buy his computers at the Dadly Depot?
39871	GG: Why does he have to buy EVERYTHING at the Dadly Depot?
39872	GG: I really need to keep looking for him soon. Thinking about our expeditions to the Dadly Depot is making me miss him.
39873	TT: You really need to hurry up and deploy that junk instead of that.
39874	GG: There. Those seem like suitable locations for the equipment.
39875	TT: Yeah.
39876	GG: Hey, where's Lil Seb?
39877	TT: Just wandering around. Fidgeting and stuff.
39878	TT: You know how he is.
39879	TT: Just stay at your post until Roxy gets back.
39880	GG: I think he went through the door.
39881	GG: He just disappeared on that platform!
39882	GG: I think it might be some kind of transport device, that works via teleportation.
39883	GG: A kind of "transportalizer," to coin a completely silly and novel term.
39884	TT: That's great. Now sit back down and wait for Roxy. She'll be home soon.
39885	GG: But I think that's where my dad went too!
39886	GG: I have to follow him.
39887	TT: No, Jane. Do not follow the rabbit.
39888	TT: Let's cool it with the Wonderland shit already. How much further through the damn looking glass do you even need to go?
39889	GG: It'll be fine!
39890	GG: I'm bringing my computer with me. I can tend to Roxy's entry along the way.
39891	TT: This is an atrocious idea.
39892	TT: And what in the name of Jesus H. Dick is SHE doing here?
39893	TT: I am blameless in this debacle.
39894	It's Jake!
39895	Now that you've shot your boxed-up friend through time and space to grandma land, it's time to retrieve her lab globe which you shrunk then hot potatoed down the rabbit hole. Then it'll be time to hoof it out of these musty old ruins, assuming you can get that elevator working again. Which might be a problem, now that you think about it.
39896	Also, it seems the volcanic tremors have increased, which can't be good.
39897	It's a bit deeper than you thought. Now you're starting to wonder if you'll even be able to get out of there once you hop down.
39898	Hey, there are two transportalizers down there too. Like the kind that were in your old house. You wonder where they go? Funny, in all the time you spent exploring this place, it never occurred to you to look down here.
39899	You mainly want to take what's inside it. That thing is supposed to be all kinds of important.
39900	You wonder if you can just...
39901	Just sort of reach inside...
39902	And...
39903	You just sort of reach inside and take it.
39904	You have no idea what this thing is supposed to do. It's some particularly arcane loot your grandma pinched on one of her daring expeditions. You've been told it's important. Probably for puzzles later or something. Like something from one of the National Treasure movies, that Nic Cage finds in the old lair of a secret president, and he doesn't know why it's important, he just shoves it in his hero satchel and keeps doing adventures until it randomly becomes important.
39905	You hope it's not a problem that you made it so small. Wait, that's exactly the kind of thing a hero doesn't worry about. Cage would just pocket his tiny window thingamabob and keep being awesome. Shit like that is for the plot to figure out, not the brave gun toting hero.
39906	Looks like the shades are bugging you again. Why are you not surprised?
39907	TT: Hold up.
39908	TT: Before you go any further, there's been a change of plan.
39909	GT: Oh why am i not surprised!
39910	GT: Still no human dirk?
39911	TT: Don't worry, you'll see him very soon. In a way.
39912	GT: What is the change of plan?
39913	TT: Well, not a change of plan so much as an acceleration.
39914	TT: Everyone needs to get into the game sooner than expected. There is a new unaccounted for variable.
39915	GT: I see. Variables and what not.
39916	GT: Lets cut to the chase! What do i do.
39917	TT: Install the server. I downloaded it to your computer along with a few other crucial system upgrades.
39918	GT: Crucial upgrades huh?
39919	GT: I dunno about crucial buddy i see you have trolled me with like 50 copies of this dumbfuck social media software for cool bros in hats but ok.
39920	TT: Damn. Nothing gets by English.
39921	TT: The guy is untrollable.
39922	GT: Ok i installed it should i run it?
39923	TT: Yes.
39924	TT: You will be connecting with Dirk. I will have Jane connect with Roxy. Setting up the chain like this will be important.
39925	GT: Sure if you say so.
39926	TT: That copy is programmed to connect automatically with the client Dirk is running.
39927	TT: Do it quickly. His life depends on it.
39928	GT: Great caesars ghost! Why didnt you say so.
39929	GT: Ok done.
39930	GT: Hey theres his room!
39931	GT: Heh heh. Id recognize that room anywhere.
39932	GT: Horses puppets holy smokes there is a man who knows what he likes.
39933	TT: Damn straight.
39934	GT: But where is he?
39935	GT: I dont see him elsewhere in the place.
39936	GT: Lots of priceless sbahj merch though im so jealous.
39937	TT: I'll see about hooking you up when you join the game. No promises, though. He's pretty attached to all that shit.
39938	TT: He has not yet transcended the primitive desire for material goods, as he is not two conjoined triangles of pure unflappable logic.
39939	GT: What?
39940	TT: Sorry.
39941	TT: As a pair of overly intellectual triangles, sometimes my wording can be a bit...
39942	TT: Obtuse.
39943	TT: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/shades.png" border="0" />
39944	GT: Lol!
39945	GT: Just joking bro that sucked.
39946	GT: How do i find dirk and save his life?
39947	TT: Zoom out.
39948	TT: Way out.
39949	GT: Eureka!!!!!
39950	GT: Youre right he sure does look to be in a thorough pickle.
39951	GT: My impulse is to message him now but youre kind of bogarting his chumhandle so i dont even know how to do that?
39952	TT: He's concentrating on some things happening on Derse at the moment.
39953	TT: Not to mention some uncannily similar things going down on Earth, which it seems you have noticed.
39954	TT: He's also talking to someone, trying to appraise the exact nature of the threat.
39955	TT: Unfortunately as a carbon based life form, his comprehension of the situation is taking shape at a somewhat slower pace than the jaw-dropping speed of post-singularity cognition.
39956	TT: So I am taking the reins and accelerating the plan on his behalf, while he's busy with the corporeal stuff as usual.
39957	GT: Ok then how do i help?
39958	TT: Deploy all the devices in the Phernalia Registry. Ideally in places that aren't stupid.
39959	TT: Do it quickly, so he can activate the entry sequence and escape.
39960	GT: I will have them deployed lickety split.
39961	GT: That flaming ocean is nothing to sneeze at.
39962	GT: It is fixing to burn his... uh. Skeletal highrise thing right the heck down.
39963	TT: Really, the fire is not the most significant threat.
39964	GT: Oh. Are more robots on the way?
39965	TT: No.
39966	TT: Do you see the red stringy stuff coming from the sky?
39967	GT: Um...
39968	TT: Are you blind? It's right there, Jake.
39969	GT: Oh!
39970	GT: You mean the super deadly red shit?
39971	TT: Yes. The super deadly red shit.
39972	GT: Say no more.
39973	GT: I understand the threat and will now spring into action guns blazing.
39974	GT: Well maybe not guns blazing.
39975	GT: The guns and how they blaze will be metaphors for my tenacity and gumption as an elite gamer.
39976	TT: Just fuckin' deploy the stuff, you humongous dork.
39977	GT: There we are. No sweat.
39978	TT: Cool.
39979	GT: Haha! He did a thumbs up at me.
39980	GT: Hey buddy!
39981	GT: Say hey buddy to him.
39982	TT: Ok.
39983	TT: He says hey.
39984	GT: Sweet.
39985	GT: Now what?
39986	TT: Stand by. He may need further assistance once he begins the sequence.
39987	GT: How long will that take?
39988	TT: Once he's ready. I'll try to nudge him along, but unfortunately, the fact that he is me notwithstanding, Dirk can be just as sluggish and uncooperative as the rest of you god damned meat mannequins.
39989	GT: Understood. That being as it is in the meantime i think ill poke into one of these transporty doodads.
39990	TT: What?
39991	TT: No, you fickle fuckwit.
39992	TT: Stay your ass put.
39993	GT: Whoa what is THIS place?
39994	GT: Things sure are a rumblin here in this enchanted purple palace.
39995	GT: I cant believe i never found those hidden transport pads under the thing.
39996	TT: Dude, I could have told you they were there.
39997	GT: How did you know about them?
39998	TT: I didn't.
39999	TT: But it's like platformer gaming 101. You look everywhere for secret passages and power-ups and shit.
40000	TT: Elevators are especially fucking suspicious.
40001	TT: You go down an elevator, you wait for the elevator to go back up, you take a peek at what's underneath.
40002	TT: Maybe it's just death spikes. Or maybe you hit warp zone paydirt.
40003	GT: You are so wise. I will never be as elite of a game bro as you.
40004	TT: I'm not a Game Bro. I just know literally everything about basically all subjects.
40005	TT: Now go back where you came from. Dirk might need help.
40006	GT: Will you untwist your virtual knickers. I have everything under control.
40007	GT: I think this may be where my grandma used to go during some of her expeditions.
40008	GT: You dont just pass up the chance for an adventure like this!
40009	TT: Yes, Jake. You do.
40010	TT: How much deeper down the damn bunny hole do you need to go? There is no White Rabbit waiting for you here.
40011	GT: We will just see about THAT.
40012	GT: Besides i have my skulltop with me so i can swoop in to assist dirk at any time!
40013	TT: This is an atrocious idea.
40014	TT: Ok, what the fuck is he doing here?
40015	TT: I hold no accountability for this fiasco.
40016	It's the White Rabbit!
40017	Sort of!
40018	Oh yeah. Jane too!
40019	uu: BETTER HuRRY uP.
40020	uu: YOu CAN'T ESCAPE THE MILES.
40021	uu: NO ONE CAN ESCAPE THE MILES!
40022	TT: Why do you keep saying that?
40023	TT: Are you trying to turn it into some sort of Thing?
40024	uu: IT ALREADY IS A THING. INASMuCH.
40025	uu: AS FACTS ARE THINGS.
40026	uu: HERE ARE MORE FACTS THAT ARE THINGS.
40027	uu: YOu ARE GOING TO DIE SOON.
40028	uu: YOuR WHOLE uNIVERSE IS GOING TO DIE.
40029	uu: BECAuSE.
40030	uu: YOu CAN'T.
40031	uu: ESCAPE.
40032	uu: THE MIIIIIIIIIIILES.
40033	TT: Sorry, it's not going to start being a Thing no matter how much you say it. Give it a rest.
40034	uu: NO.
40035	TT: What I don't understand is how the attack is making its way here from Derse.
40036	TT: Is that even possible?
40037	uu: WHAT.
40038	uu: JuST BECAuSE THE SAME THING IS HAPPENING THERE.
40039	uu: YOu THINK THERE IS CORRELATION. BEYOND SOME SORT OF CIRCuMSTANTIALLY SIMuLTANEOuS. FuCKRuBBISH?
40040	uu: YOu'RE SO DuMB.
40041	TT: So, you know why this is happening?
40042	uu: YES.
40043	uu: THESE MILES ARE FROM JACK. WAY OuTSIDE YOuR uNIVERSE.
40044	uu: THE MILES ON DERSE ARE FROM ANOTHER GuY. WHO'S JuST. SITTING IN A CASTLE SOMEWHERE PROBABLY.
40045	TT: That doesn't actually explain a whole lot, but ok.
40046	uu: SOMEONE COMMISSIONED JACK. SORT OF.
40047	uu: PuT OuT A HIT ON YOuR ENTIRE uNIVERSE. AND ALL ITS INTERNAL ITERATIONS.
40048	uu: DON'T YOu THINK THAT'S FuCKING AWESOME?
40049	TT: I thought you didn't know much about our story? You usually like to brag about how you don't care about details like that.
40050	uu: I MAINLY JuST SKIM PAST IT ALL WITH DISGuST. EXCEPT FOR THE PARTS.
40051	uu: WHERE PEOPLE DIE.
40052	uu: I COuLD READ THOSE.
40053	uu: OVER AND OVER.
40054	uu: AND ALSO MAYBE THE PARTS.
40055	uu: WHERE PEOPLE "KISS"?
40056	uu: IN THE WAY THAT WHEN YOu CHANCE uPON SOMETHING.
40057	uu: uNSPEAKABLY AND VISCERALLY ABHORRENT.
40058	uu: IT GETS HARD.
40059	TT: Does it now.
40060	uu: TO PRY YOuR EYES AWAY!
40061	uu: YOu DIDN'T LET ME FINISH.
40062	uu: TO PRY YOuR EYES AWAY.
40063	TT: Oh.
40064	uu: HEY.
40065	uu: WHY ARE YOu GIVING ONE OF YOuR HuMAN "THuMBS uP".
40066	uu: INTO THE SKY.
40067	uu: IS IT AN INDECENT GESTuRE.
40068	TT: I guess you would probably think so.
40069	uu: OH YES.
40070	uu: I THINK IT'S PROBABLY TRuE.
40071	uu: KEEP SHOWING ME THE NASTY.
40072	uu: I DEMAND A STEADY DIET OF RIBALDRY AND. *SHuDDER.*
40073	uu: POIGNANT EXPRESSION.
40074	uu: EITHER KEEP THAT uP.
40075	uu: OR MAKE SuRE THAT.
40076	uu: THE CORPSE PILE.
40077	uu: DOESN'T STOP FROM GETTING TALLER.
40078	uu: OR BOTH. IDEALLY.
40079	uu: BOTH WOuLD BE GREAT.
40080	TT: Your staccato babbling is just so choice today. But I really have to go.
40081	TT: Got to escape all these goddamn miles, remember?
40082	uu: AAH HAA HAA!
40083	uu: YOu CAN'T!
40084	uu: YOu CAAAAAAAAAAAN'T.
40085	uu: ESCAAAAAAAAAAAPE.
40086	TT: The miles. Right.
40087	TT: Bye.
40088	uu: BuT SERIOuSLY. WAIT!
40089	TT: What.
40090	uu: I WANTED TO GIVE YOu SOMETHING. A "PRESENT".
40091	TT: What?
40092	uu: IT'S A TOKEN OF. uH. "THANKS". uGH.
40093	TT: For what?
40094	TT: Can we seriously move this along.
40095	uu: FOR HELPING ME. WITH THE THING YOu JuST HELPED ME BuILD.
40096	TT: God, what are you talking about.
40097	uu: FOR YOu IT WAS YEARS AGO. BuT FOR ME. SOLICITING YOu FOR ASSISTANCE WAS QuITE RECENT.
40098	TT: Oh, alright. I remember now.
40099	TT: You're always all over the timeline and somehow expect people to know what you're talking about.
40100	TT: So what's the present?
40101	uu: BEFORE I GIVE YOu THIS TREASuRE. FIRST YOu MuST DO SOMETHING FOR ME.
40102	TT: Man. You really do struggle with human customs, don't you?
40103	TT: When you're about to give someone a gift out of gratitude, you don't then start negotiating with them and ask for shit before handing it over.
40104	TT: Just fuckin' give it to me already.
40105	uu: NO. DO WHAT I SAY FIRST.
40106	TT: Ok, what do you want me to do to collect my awesome prize you're allegedly thanking me with?
40107	uu: YOuR JuJu.
40108	uu: REMEMBER I TOLD YOu TO BRING IT TO THE ROOF.
40109	TT: Cal? Yeah, I remember.
40110	uu: SHHHHHHHHHHH. DON'T SAY ITS "NAME" YOu IDIOT.
40111	uu: NOW TAKE OuT THE JuJu.
40112	TT: Ok. Now what.
40113	uu: NOW THROW IT IN THE FIRE.
40114	TT: Screw you.
40115	TT: I'm not chucking the C-man into a flaming ocean.
40116	uu: IT IS THE uLTIMATE ABOMINATION.
40117	uu: YOuR JuJu MAY BE DEAD AND HOLLOW. BuT SOMETHING TELLS ME.
40118	uu: THAT MIGHT MAKE IT EVEN MORE DANGEROuS.
40119	uu: DISCARD IT AT ONCE. TREASuRE BEYOND COMPREHENSION IS YOuR REWARD.
40120	TT: No.
40121	TT: Keep your treasure.
40122	uu: AH HA HA. AS IF IT IS NOT INEVITABLY DESTINED TO FALL FROM YOuR HuMAN FINGERS.
40123	uu: AND BECOME ERASED AS YOuR uNIVERSE DIES.
40124	uu: DIDN'T I MENTION.
40125	uu: A JuJu CAN NEVER BE TRuLY COPIED.
40126	uu: IF TWO APPEAR TO EXIST. SuCH AS ONE IN REALITY AND ONE IN YOuR DREAMS.
40127	uu: IT IS ONLY AN ILLuSION. EITHER NEVER TRuE. OR SOON TO BE CORRECTED.
40128	uu: THERE CAN ONLY EVER BE ONE.
40129	TT: Well, I'm not tossing him, so that's that.
40130	uu: YOu WILL THOuGH.
40131	uu: ANYWAY. YOu TOOK IT OuT.
40132	uu: I WILL DEEM THAT COMPLIANCE ENOuGH.
40133	uu: AND REWARD YOu WITH MY GRATITuDE.
40134	uu: I THINK INSTEAD OF THANKS THOuGH. I WILL CALL IT. A "BIRTH DAY PRESENT"?
40135	TT: It isn't my birthday.
40136	uu: NOT YOuRS JERK.
40137	TT: Oh. So it's your birthday today?
40138	uu: IT WILL BE.
40139	uu: IF EVERYTHING GOES ACCORDING TO PLAN.
40140	TT: How cryptically meaningless.
40141	TT: And you continue to struggle with human customs. You don't give other people presents on your own birthday.
40142	TT: Anyway, just tell me what it is.
40143	uu: IT IS A "WORK OF FINE ART".
40144	uu: THE VERY FIRST I HAVE EVER ATTEMPTED.
40145	uu: YOu WILL FIND IT SuITABLY CONVEYS OuR SPECIAL BOND.
40146	TT: Let's see.
40147	uu: http://tinyurl.com/DIRKTHISISuS
40148	TT: Uh.
40149	TT: What the fuck am I looking at here?
40150	uu: DON'T YOu SEE?? IT IS uS! YOu AND ME.
40151	uu: WE ARE GETTING PERHAPS A LITTLE TOO. *FRIENDLY.* IF YOu WILL. HAA. HAA.
40152	TT: I... really don't see.
40153	TT: What do you mean? This fucking scribbly bullshit is us? Are we shaking hands or something?
40154	uu: WHOA! WHOAAAAAAAAAAA! DuDE. HAHA. FuCK.
40155	uu: YOu HAVE AN EVEN DIRTIER MIND THAN ME. I'M FuCKING OuTCLASSED BY YOuR REPREHENSIBLE IMAGINATION ONCE AGAIN.
40156	uu: I CAN'T SAY I'M SuRPRISED.
40157	TT: So, it's just us? What about The Bitches?
40158	TT: I thought you found a scarcity of The Bitches to be all but unacceptable.
40159	uu: THE BITCHES AS YOu CAN PLAINLY SEE HAVE BEEN FAR FROM NEGLECTED. LOOK.
40160	uu: THEY'RE RIGHT THERE ASSHOLE. THE BITCHES APPEAR TO BE. *AHEM.* RATHER ENJOYING EACH OTHER'S COMPANY???
40161	uu: OOOOOOOOOOOH.
40162	uu: SOO GNARLY.
40163	uu: TO IMAGINE. WHAT FILTH MY OWN HAND HAS WROuGHT.
40164	TT: Yeah. Gnarly is about right.
40165	TT: This is utter shit. You know that, don't you?
40166	TT: Please don't tell me you are actually incapable of understanding how bad this drawing is.
40167	uu: WHAT. NO. FuCK YOu.
40168	uu: IT'S PRETTY GOOD. AT LEAST FOR A FIRST TRY.
40169	TT: If you actually think this even qualifies as a drawing, I'm going to have to say you are literally the worst artist who has ever existed.
40170	uu: WHAT THE FuCK. THIS IS HOW YOu TREAT. MY "BIRTH DAY THANK YOu GIFT"??
40171	TT: That's not a thing either.
40172	TT: You must have some wires crossed between your left brain and right brain. Like a weird perceptual disorder. Or something like that.
40173	TT: It's actually kind of fascinating that you think you achieved something visually coherent or recognizable.
40174	uu: THIS IS OuTRAGEOuS.
40175	TT: Anyway. Got to go.
40176	TT: Your drawing blows.
40177	TT: Later.
40178	TT: Hey.
40179	TT: Just wondering if you're fully abreast of the little "situation" developing on Derse.
40180	TT: What, the miles situation? Yeah, I noticed.
40181	TT: No.
40182	TT: Keep looking.
40183	TT: Wait...
40184	TT: Oh.
40185	TT: Oh HELL no.
40186	TT: I know, right?
40187	You have been scrambling around this burning colony for who even knows how long, evading attacks from drones. All the commotion has really started to harsh your buzz.
40188	It seems the drones have withdrawn from their pursuit, as far as you can tell. But a new threat has taken their place. Some sort of red stringy stuff coming from the sky. You have a very bad feeling about it. You think it's time to find your way home and get out of Dodge. Dodge in this case being the universe.
40189	It seems while you were running away from missiles and trying not to get blown up, messages from friends have been piling up. These chumps need to calm down. Don't they realize how hung over you are starting to feel? Everybody needs to chill the fuck out. Those chess guys behind you need to chill out too. The whole world needs to chill out and stop being so noisy and bright and on fire.
40190	GG: Hey! Where are you??
40191	GG: I can't find you anywhere in your crazy house.
40192	GG: It's just wizards and pumpkins as far as the eye can see.
40193	GG: I hope you're ok!
40194	GG: Please get back to me as soon as you can.
40195	TG: aw noes
40196	TG: you are snoping up my house
40197	TG: scopping my gourd hoard
40198	TG: janey what are u doing
40199	TG: what is going on here
40200	TG: jane?
40201	TG: god dammit crocket
40202	TG: bleghhh
40203	TG: head hurts
40204	TT: Judging by the sporadic rates of change in your present coordinates, it seems that you have been running around like a lunatic.
40205	TT: When those ridiculous flesh stilts you refer to as "legs" settle down, and you have a minute to talk, please respond.
40206	TG: smup shades
40207	TG: *sup
40208	TT: Are you in danger?
40209	TG: no
40210	TG: well
40211	TG: not in like robos wanting to kill me immediately as in lilerally right now danger
40212	TG: but still probably some danger
40213	TG: its hot and all these crumbling flamey buildings are so screwed and i wanna just go lie down
40214	TG: plus theres shit coming from the sky
40215	TT: What shit do you mean?
40216	TG: super deudly red shit
40217	TT: Right. The miles. That's why I'm going to need you to get home quickly.
40218	TT: What has taken you so long, anyway? Why has your path been so circuitous?
40219	TT: Surely you can't be even more inebriated than before.
40220	TG: no no
40221	TG: less
40222	TG: trust my
40223	TG: me
40224	TT: Ok. Then what?
40225	TG: ive been trying to i guess
40226	TG: round up some neighbors
40227	TG: whenever i see them
40228	TG: and try to get then to follow me home
40229	TG: whichis harder than is sounds!
40230	TT: You are accumulating carapacian refugees?
40231	TG: yes
40232	TT: That seems like a very inefficient and risky use of your time.
40233	TG: i know but
40234	TG: they always seem confused and dont know what todo
40235	TG: and everythings bunring down
40236	TG: i think i should try to take some with me i cant just leave all of the poor chess guys here to die
40237	TT: Alright, that's fine.
40238	TT: As luck would have it, your imperfect human sentimentality has been completely factored into my calculations.
40239	TT: You should be ok. Just get back to your house as quickly as possible now. There's no time left.
40240	TG: lmao @ your "caluculations" as if htose are real but ok ill get moving
40241	TT: We're going to need you to connect with Jake to bring him into the game.
40242	TT: You will complete the chain of entry. This is very important.
40243	TG: ok
40244	TG: jane was trying 2 reach me
40245	TG: messin with my pumpkips or some shit???
40246	TG: where is she
40247	TT: There's been a little subordination issue there.
40248	TT: With both Crocker and English, actually. Strider and I are working on it.
40249	TG: what u talkin about
40250	TG: subordingation
40251	TG: you saying those chucklefucks went rouge
40252	TT: Sort of.
40253	TG: but thats what i do!
40254	TG: posers be frontin hard up on my roguey turf
40255	TG: *roguish?
40256	TG: roguish is better it means sly
40257	TT: Don't worry about it for now. Just do your part, and catch up with them later.
40258	TT: Who knows, maybe you will prove yourself to be the only 100% cooperative, fully competent non-Strider player?
40259	TT: How ironic would it be if the best player turned out to be the drunk girl? Wouldn't that be sweet?
40260	TG: yeah!!!!
40261	TG: :3
40262	TT: Go home. Connect with Jake. Deploy the equipment in the ruins of his old house.
40263	TT: I'll focus on actually getting him there. The kid is seriously a work in progress, I gotta say.
40264	TT: Are you sober enough to do all that?
40265	TG: i think
40266	TG: the answer
40267	TG: unfortunately
40268	TG: is yes
40269	TG: :[
40270	UU: miss lalonde, do be carefUl.
40271	UU: i can see that yoU are preoccUpied with aggressors at the moment.
40272	UU: bUt yoUr viewport is beginning to black oUt more freqUently.
40273	UU: i wanted to talk to yoU one last time before yoU enter, and yoUr whole session blacks oUt for good.
40274	UU: and before...
40275	UU: well, before i possibly do the same. U_U;
40276	UU: please reply when yoU have the chance.
40277	TG: hi
40278	TG: whats this
40279	TG: about u blacking out for good?
40280	TG: * blapck
40281	TG: * wait no n/m
40282	UU: ah, hello!
40283	UU: escaped troUble, i presUme? how are yoU doing?
40284	TG: i feel kind of like shit but other than that im toters perf
40285	TG: im starting to wonderd if drinkin early today wasnt that coolest idea??
40286	TG: now i have all these responsibitities while my brain is tellin me to go fuck myelf
40287	TG: *self
40288	TG: aint wanna fuck no elf
40289	TG: not in this condition at least
40290	TG: i would probs need some hella strong coffee b4 boning a elf
40291	UU: i am sorry to hear yoU're feeling Under the weather.
40292	UU: bUt now i am wondering. hm.
40293	UU: coUld it have been that regUlar intake of yoUr soporific liqUids was inhibiting yoUr commUnion with the void, rather than exaggerating them as i had presUmed?
40294	UU: if the effects are wearing off, it coUld explain the increase in viewport blackoUts.
40295	UU: and once they wear off completely, perhaps that is why yoUr entire session goes dark on yoUr entry.
40296	TG: that is an interesting theory that has like
40297	TG: mostly no usefull bearing on anything probably?
40298	UU: yoU are probably right. still, i can't help bUt specUlate on sUch matters. it is what i do. :u
40299	TG: yeah
40300	TG: i think i was being a dick byut im not sure? sorry
40301	TG: glarghgle
40302	TG: i am sure feeling liek
40303	TG: a gross bunch of nasty trash in a scarf
40304	TG: all taking my surly shit out
40305	TG: on nice and cute aliems
40306	UU: oh, not to worry. ^u^
40307	TG: heyy
40308	TG: UI
40309	TG: UU*
40310	TG: you know everything right
40311	UU: hee hee! if only.
40312	TG: k well
40313	TG: what is with the looming strandy crap in the sky
40314	TG: the miles> glasses called em that
40315	TG: i know i got to escape them
40316	TG: but what are they actually gonna do?
40317	UU: i do know a thing or two aboUt the red miles.
40318	UU: it is the qUeen's favoUred attack. very long distance and omnidirectional.
40319	UU: bUt once Upon a time, her weapon was stolen by a UsUrper. jacked, yoU coUld say, right off her ring finger. and then given a considerable boost in power.
40320	UU: that gave the miles enoUgh of a kick to rip a Universe to shreds.
40321	UU: and they have been doing so to yoUrs and its many instances for eons.
40322	UU: only now have they caUght Up to yoUr instance. it is qUite fortUnate it has taken so long, really.
40323	UU: some instances are tUcked deeper in the speaker's mighty blow sack, and will hold oUt for mUch longer, on a vast cosmic scale of coUrse.
40324	TG: wait
40325	TG: i dont
40326	TG: what? instances
40327	TG: blowb sack
40328	TG: righ now i can hardly walk w/o steppin on my moms scarf ok
40329	TG: so theyre destorying the universe is that the bootom line
40330	UU: yes.
40331	UU: try to think of it like this.
40332	UU: imagine that the Universe is contained inside a very large creatUre.
40333	UU: say, a great big frog.
40334	TG: frog
40335	TG: why a frog thats so silly
40336	UU: it's jUst a frog! that is the way it is, jUst try to imagine it.
40337	TG: k
40338	TG: picturin
40339	TG: big ol space frog
40340	TG: all ribbiting loud an being huge
40341	TG: hehehe
40342	UU: now imagine that not only does the Universe exist inside it, depending on the creatUre's health and well being to sUrvive...
40343	UU: bUt every potential instance of that Universe exists inside as well.
40344	UU: those that are doomed and those with promise.
40345	UU: even those that were reset from scratch, with slightly different starting conditions.
40346	UU: all of those interrelated Universes mingling together inside yoUr frog, inextricable from its physiology.
40347	UU: if the frog dies, they all go with it. eventUally.
40348	TG: then you are saying some rude a-hole is killin our frog
40349	UU: sadly, yes.
40350	TG: wow
40351	TG: that is
40352	TG: just....
40353	TG: the WORST
40354	UU: well, it coUld have been worse, actUally. the miles coUld have spread to yoUr Universe before it had the chance to sproUt yoUr lovely planet, providing a home for yoU and yoUr wonderfUl mates.
40355	UU: all Universes die at some point. some sooner than others. it is all part of the cycle, and sometimes things like this mUst happen for reasons beyond oUr Understanding.
40356	UU: bUt this is neither here nor there. i did not intend to go blathering aboUt all that and waste an important conversation with yoU.
40357	UU: i think the trUth is i am probably jUst stalling.
40358	TG: stalling what
40359	UU: i have some important things to tell yoU.
40360	UU: i'm afraid i am going to be breaking so many rUles in doing so.
40361	UU: i am not Used to breaking rUles. it makes me very Uncomfortable.
40362	UU: bUt it may be my only chance. i hope yoU won't think less of me for it.
40363	TG: no way
40364	TG: i dont even know what rules ur talking about
40365	TG: time shit rules
40366	TG: if its time shit rules idgaf about those
40367	TG: and m not goinna stop thinking youre great if u "break" them
40368	TG: are you in trouble?
40369	UU: yes.
40370	UU: bUt so are yoU, and i've distracted yoU enoUgh.
40371	UU: concentrate on retUrning to yoUr home.
40372	UU: once yoU are there and preparing for the game, i will contact yoU again and tell yoU everything that i have been wanting to tell yoU.
40373	UU: also...
40374	UU: i wanted to give yoU something. :u
40375	TG: hoh man
40376	TG: what is it!
40377	UU: jUst a thing!
40378	UU: yoU'll see.
40379	UU: now rUn along!!!!!!!!!!!
40380	You press onward, feeling refreshed and invigorated by all the free will you were just dealt. The story was your oyster for a while there. Or more specifically, it was one of four slightly different oysters you could choose from, in any order, as long as you ultimately selected and consumed all four oysters when all was said and done. This must be what it feels like to be a god, you think to yourself. Or at the very least, the patron of a seafood restaurant.
40381	You have returned home to find a variety of devices deployed throughout your house, and a variety of fires threatening to burn it down.
40382	You quickly put everyone on bucket duty to douse the flames. Now you guess you understand why your mom left all these buckets in the house? You always thought it was a passive aggressive reminder for you to keep up with the housework.
40383	At the behest of their roguish leader, the loyal band of Merry Men go straight to work in getting the fires under control. The Robin Hood reference is lost on them. Also lost on everybody is the sordid spectacle this appears to resemble from an alien perspective, with all these buckets sloshing around and whatnot. Your void powers cannot black out this graphic debauchery soon enough.
40384	You run the server program which auto-connects with Jake and a viewport of his old house just pops right open. This is going to be so easy. You can already tell, compared to you, everyone else sucks so bad at this game, not to mention at computers in general.
40385	You better deploy all this equipment ASAP. Not only are you in a hurry to hop into the session yourself, it looks like his volcano is beginning to erupt. Some lava has started a forest fire which is now spreading slowly toward the house. No sign of Jake yet. Hopefully the Dirks can somehow tag team that doofus and make him get with the program.
40386	Oh right, she was going to message you when you got home, you almost forgot. Time to switch gears and go into multitasking mode. You'll get as much done as you can while you talk, ALSO while nursing this hangover. It takes a special kind of hacker babe to be able to handle that, you think. You truly are as deadaly to the grid ass you are beatuiful.
40387	***
40388	UU: i can't see yoU, bUt yoU mUst be back by now, yes?
40389	TG: y
40390	TG: and i am how haxxing up storm
40391	TG: p stank by
40392	TG: *stand
40393	UU: haxxing? :u
40394	TG: u dont even no
40395	TG: my fingers are the mean lil beaks
40396	TG: of furirus woodpeckers
40397	TG: and my keyboard
40398	TG: is a pitiful plank of cruddy wood
40399	TG: guarding a trove of tasty bungs
40400	TG: it is guarding them i might add
40401	TG: moist fucking unsuccessfully
40402	UU: u~u
40403	TG: as my digits rain danger
40404	TG: on this hapless lamptop
40405	TG: the result of my tappy onslaught
40406	TG: is line after wicked line
40407	TG: of leetfilthy codes
40408	TG: aka..
40409	TG: the governments worst nightmare
40410	UU: Um...........
40411	TG: i will be in an out
40412	TG: of the systerm
40413	TG: before breakfast knows what ate it
40414	TG: JACKPOP BABBY
40415	TG: im am ur cryptogodress 8)
40416	UU: roxy?
40417	TG: it is womon verse machine
40418	TG: a struggle old as stuff itself
40419	TG: she will bring sburb to its knees
40420	TG: and then turn
40421	TG: with her shitwreckingest face
40422	TG: and stare
40423	TG: into the void
40424	TG: and the void
40425	TG: will wonk first
40426	TG: ;3
40427	UU: i don't Understand.
40428	UU: yoU are typing some sort of compUter program?
40429	TG: no
40430	TG: that was all mostly a huge load
40431	TG: all that noisy keyboard bangin i just mentioned
40432	TG: was me just typing all that shit i said 2 u
40433	TG: lol i did type it superfast tho
40434	TG: just like they do in dumb fake movies about primo hackers who r THA BEST
40435	TG: i guess i hacked into our conversation? w/ bs nstead of codez
40436	UU: ^u^;
40437	TG: but for real
40438	TG: im just drag & dropin some game shit in to jakes place
40439	TG: it is easy as a butt
40440	TG: this kiddie game is a waste of my baller expertise
40441	TG: * sexpertities
40442	TG: / obligatory
40443	TG: hey look
40444	TG: a 'totem lathe'
40445	TG: kay w/e
40446	TG: BONK
40447	TG: down it goes
40448	TG: in that patch off dirt i guess
40449	TG: daaang
40450	TG: fits on that patch o dirt like
40451	TG: a glass shitting slipper
40452	TG: NEXT ??
40453	UU: ah, i Understand. yoU're beginning then. good!
40454	TG: yes im on a roll
40455	TG: gettin my peeps outie
40456	TG: splitting the ball b4 junk turns 2 pumpkins
40457	TG: soooooooooo
40458	TG: what were you going to give me back there? ;D
40459	UU: right!
40460	UU: it's a present i made for yoU.
40461	TG: ooh!
40462	UU: it coUld be...
40463	UU: a farewell gift actUally.
40464	TG: huh?
40465	TG: are u leaving
40466	UU: maybe.
40467	UU: i am aboUt to go to sleep one last time before oUr schedUled entry.
40468	UU: and there is a very real possibility that i will never wake Up.
40469	TG: oh no!
40470	TG: why!!!
40471	UU: it is complicated.
40472	UU: there is mUch to say aboUt it which i have never told yoU, dUe to my adherence to the rUles.
40473	UU: some of which i am aboUt to break now, in order to give myself a fighting chance.
40474	UU: bUt before i go down that serpentine path with yoU, here.
40475	UU: one last bit of artwork from an admirer. something to remember me by, shoUld we never speak again.
40476	UU: http://tinyurl.com/roxyisthisyoU
40477	TG: !!!!!
40478	TG: ssdlkjfs;lkfjdlskfj
40479	TG: ohhhly SHIT
40480	TG: *hooooooly
40481	TG: holiest of shits
40482	TG: the shit.....
40483	TG: is down right
40484	TG: SACROSANCT
40485	TG: omgogmogmomog
40486	TG: this owns
40487	TG: my bones
40488	UU: ^U^
40489	TG: look at my outfit
40490	TG: want 2 wear that outfit
40491	TG: want 2 kiss + marry that outfist
40492	TG: look
40493	TG: at that lollipop
40494	TG: that fuckin LOLLIPOP
40495	TG: hehhe look at me goin in 4 a lick
40496	TG: like im the queen of fuckall yall
40497	TG: what is that in my hair
40498	TG: is that
40499	TG: COTTONE CANDY????
40500	UU: indeed it is!
40501	TG: say helloes to new phone wallpp
40502	TG: sry baby eatin jake husband u r out
40503	TG: /DIVORCE'D
40504	TG: yes perfection
40505	TG: more like
40506	TG: perferection
40507	TG: is what is givin me
40508	TG: am getting the perfbonerz up in here
40509	UU: i really enjoy drawing yoU. it is a treat.
40510	UU: yoU are jUst so pretty. :u
40511	TG: awwwwwwwwww
40512	TG: <3<3<#<#<##
40513	TG: hearts n hashes
40514	UU: anyway, i am very pleased that yoU like my drawing. ~u~
40515	TG: i love it
40516	TG: i love U
40517	TG: U x2 combot
40518	UU: yoU do?
40519	UU: really??
40520	TG: yes
40521	TG: fo rillies
40522	UU: :U
40523	UU: blimey.
40524	UU: this comes as qUite a sUrprise.
40525	TG: well i mean
40526	TG: not like lets got get space married love
40527	TG: more like ur the best and i like you a lot love
40528	UU: oh.
40529	UU: then the conciliatory type. i Understand.
40530	TG: wait
40531	TG: i didnt mean to jerk you around...
40532	TG: did u feel that way about me
40533	TG: aww shit im sorry :(
40534	UU: no! don't be.
40535	UU: trUst me, that is not how i feel aboUt yoU. or anyone.
40536	UU: thoUgh i trUly wish i were capable of those feelings.
40537	UU: perhaps the fact that i am not is why the topic fascinates me so.
40538	UU: and why i have been prone do indUlge in sUch...
40539	UU: fancifUl visUalizations.
40540	UU: of yoUr people's lovely bright red relationships.
40541	UU: they mUst be nice. u_u
40542	TG: lol well its not like i would know either way
40543	TG: but thats cool i didnt know that about you
40544	TG: i dont know ANYTHING about u but i wish i did
40545	TG: cant you at least tell me your name bfore you uh
40546	TG: maybe go ways 4 ever? ;(
40547	UU: yes, as a matter of fact.
40548	UU: that is actUally the reason i am contacting yoU.
40549	UU: it is one rUle i have decided to break.
40550	TG: oh fuck!
40551	TG: what is it!!!!!!!
40552	UU: my name is calliope.
40553	TG: :o
40554	TG: .....
40555	TG: ilike it :3
40556	UU: it feels so strange to type that!
40557	UU: bUt also good, actUally.
40558	TG: well ty for finally confiding in me calilope
40559	TG: *calliope sorrey
40560	UU: yoU're welcome. it is good to get it off my chest.
40561	UU: bUt i am primarily telling yoU this as a last resort, in hopes of saving myself.
40562	UU: yoU see, this rUle between me and my brother is a kind of trUce.
40563	UU: we have both agreed not to say oUr names to anyone so that things will not get oUt of hand, and so it became one of the rUles.
40564	UU: if anyone were to say his name to me, i woUld immediately fall asleep, and he woUld wake Up.
40565	UU: so yoU will Understand if i refrain from telling yoU his as well. ~_u
40566	TG: so
40567	TG: hes sleeping now?
40568	UU: yes, fortUnately for both of Us.
40569	UU: now, chronologically speaking, i have never contacted yoU after this moment.
40570	UU: so if i never wake Up from my next nap, yoU will never hear from me again.
40571	UU: if yoU do not hear from me later, i woUld very mUch appreciate it if yoU coUld message my brother, and say my name.
40572	UU: it may be the only chance i have to wake Up again.
40573	TG: fuuuck
40574	TG: this is highly terrible and scary stuff youre saying
40575	TG: but yes ill def do that
40576	UU: splendid!
40577	UU:
40578	TG: shit now i wish we had more time to talk
40579	TG: quick what otter rules were you going 2 break
40580	TG: spill it cali!!
40581	UU: i want to!
40582	UU: it is overwhelming, trying to be cavalier aboUt rUles i have respected all my life. i'm not sUre where to begin.
40583	TG: well
40584	TG: what i wonder is
40585	TG: you said you couldnt have romantic feelings
40586	TG: or "red relations" as you said in your trolly way
40587	UU: oh, i can have romantic feelings.
40588	UU: jUst not the flUshed kind, which hUmans describe as romantic love.
40589	TG: ok but
40590	TG: i didnt think that was alien to you
40591	TG: not the way u made it sound
40592	TG: like dont trolls have the 4 kinds and one kind is just staight up love feelins
40593	UU: yes, that's right.
40594	UU: bUt...
40595	UU: oh bUgger. this is so embarrassing to have to admit.
40596	UU: i am sorry for saying things which may have reasonably led yoU to believe this.
40597	UU: probably way too many things. u_u;
40598	UU: bUt i am not actUally a troll.
40599	TG: o
40600	TG: rrrrrelay
40601	UU: i have never actUally claimed to be. bUt i'm sUre i have implied it, probably dUe to wishfUl thinking.
40602	UU: i have spent so mUch time wishing i coUld be one.
40603	UU: trolls are a remarkable and fascinating race.
40604	UU: hUmans are too, please don't get me wrong!
40605	UU: bUt i am oUt and oUt smitten with trolls and their history and ways.
40606	UU: they have sUch amazing, coloUrfUl social dynamics that soUnd like so mUch fUn to be a part of.
40607	UU: and they are so beaUtifUl.
40608	UU: i wish i coUld be that pretty.
40609	UU: UnfortUnately, i am not very attractive at all.
40610	UU: sad to say, no one woUld kiss the corpse i will leave behind.
40611	UU: even if there were someone aroUnd to revive me, i doUbt they woUld be inclined to bother.
40612	UU: for, er... several reasons, actUally.
40613	UU: bUt really, it was always for the best that i cannot have fUlly flUshed feelings.
40614	UU: no one coUld ever love me.
40615	TG: oh man no!!!
40616	TG: that is not true
40617	UU: it is.
40618	UU: and it's for the best that no one has ever seen my face, aside from my brother.
40619	TG: but i want 2 c u
40620	TG: i proimise i wont think you look bad or judge you
40621	UU: no.
40622	UU: i am sorry.
40623	TG: :(
40624	TG: then what kinda alien are you
40625	TG: wait dont tell me youre ACUTALLY from urnanus??
40626	UU: heehee. no.
40627	UU: that jUst happened to be a planet from yoUr system i thoUght was lovely.
40628	UU: i was particUlarly strUck by its UniqUe rotation.
40629	UU: it has very nice...
40630	UU: bollocks, what's the word.
40631	UU: the term that refers to a ball's topspin?
40632	TG: ???
40633	UU: it doesn't matter.
40634	UU: bUt no, i'm not even from yoUr Universe, let alone a nearby planet.
40635	UU: my species has never even had a home planet.
40636	TG: what species are u
40637	UU: i am a cherUb!
40638	TG: omg
40639	TG: that is
40640	TG: amazing?
40641	TG: like u have wings or such
40642	UU: no!
40643	UU: i doUbt i am what yoU're pictUring.
40644	UU: bUt aside from a few sUperficial similarities, we are very different from trolls and hUmans.
40645	UU: we are not a social race. we generally will not ever encoUnter another of oUr kind, Unless it is time to mate.
40646	UU: and when that time comes, oUr coUrtship is nothing like it is for hUmans.
40647	UU: it is highly confrontational and violent.
40648	TG: sounds so lonely
40649	TG: plus w/ hecks of tricky sex
40650	UU: it is lonely.
40651	UU: bUt that is in oUr natUre, to be alone. jUst as it is to find attraction throUgh contempt.
40652	UU: now that i think aboUt it, i shoUld have known.
40653	UU: i've been so foolish.
40654	TG: known what
40655	UU: aboUt the natUre of my game session.
40656	UU: i believed he and i coUld play together, even Under oUr UniqUe biological circUmstances.
40657	UU: i was so daft, i thoUght skaia had actUally made an exception for Us.
40658	UU: and that we coUld overcome oUr conflicts, work together, and fUlfill the game's minimUm reqUirement of two players. one of space and the other of time.
40659	UU: bUt i was always fooling myself.
40660	UU: it is now clear only one of Us will sUrvive.
40661	UU: my skaian visions have misled me.
40662	UU: or i have blinded myself to their trUe meaning.
40663	UU: this was always meant to be a session of one.
40664	UU: and i am finally starting to Understand...
40665	UU: the reality of that coUld have conseqUences more horrifying than we coUld begin to imagine.
40666	TG: um
40667	TG: how
40668	UU: the thing is, yoU don't know him like i do.
40669	UU: as hard as it may be to believe, he is even worse than yoU think.
40670	UU: and it's all sUch a shame, not jUst becaUse of that.
40671	UU: it is a shame that i won't be able to play, i gUess for selfish reasons.
40672	UU: i was so looking forward to it.
40673	UU: i really thoUght i was going to be someone special.
40674	UU: that i coUld Use my abilities do something no one had ever done.
40675	TG: hey you are being so defeatist stop that!
40676	TG: you dont know you wont play we havent even tried the wakeup call yet remembr???
40677	UU: yes. you're right.
40678	UU: mUch like skaia, i've sUccUmbed to a gloomier outlook lately, due to recent setbacks.
40679	TG: so whats going to be special bout your game?
40680	TG: aside from that its just your fuckhead bro and you
40681	UU: well, i was always led to believe i woUld be an extraordinary type of player.
40682	UU: both of Us woUld be. we are both assigned extremely rare and powerfUl classes.
40683	UU: they are the two master classes!
40684	TG: oh yeh?
40685	TG: what is urs
40686	UU: mine is the most passive on the scale. a class designated for females only.
40687	UU: i am the mUse of space. ^u^
40688	TG: sounds p cool
40689	TG: whats a muse do
40690	UU: i'm not entirely sUre. i was hoping to discover that on my joUrney.
40691	UU: anyway, his is the other master class.
40692	UU: the most active class of all, reserved for male players.
40693	TG: what is it
40694	UU: Um...
40695	UU: roxy.
40696	UU: i think we may be getting a wee bit carried away with trivia here.
40697	UU: we both have so mUch to do.
40698	UU: yoU need to focUs on getting to safety, while i need to...
40699	UU: prepare myself. for what i hope will be a short nap.
40700	TG: ok
40701	TG: you are right
40702	TG: la siiiiiigh
40703	TG: im worried 4 you
40704	TG: but optimistic
40705	TG: i will call ur name like a million times
40706	TG: and shout it in 2 the void every chance i get
40707	TG: til u come back :3
40708	UU: you are a good friend, roxy.
40709	UU: please take care.
40710	You are now Calliope.
40711	You remove the last accessory to your prized COSPLAY ENSEMBLE, and put it neatly with the rest of the stuff. The place is messy enough already without tossing horns about carelessly.
40712	You have many fond memories of solo-cosplay in your room. It's a lot of fun and alarmingly comfortable to just lounge around your room in-character. You really hope you'll get the chance to put it on again after your nap...
40713	Well, maybe not the face paint. You don't wear that so much anymore. He gets especially furious when you do.
40714	These are just a few of the many drawings you have done over the years celebrating your absolute all-time favorite characters. Er... you mean friends.
40715	You often like to draw your TROLLSONA too, CALLIE OHPEEE. Yes, you suppose that's a stretch, fitting your name into the 6/6 letter format like that. That's ok, though. The limebloods reportedly had some unusual names. And they sure weren't very popular. You like to believe you'd have fit right in.
40716	You've written endlessly about her, and nearly filled a hard drive with related artwork. You have wished for nothing more in your life than to be her. Alas, you are resigned to living out the rest of your days as a little green skull monster. It really sucks!
40717	To the left is a drawing of nothing in particular. Nothing you understand, at least. This is a symbol which has haunted your visions for as long as you can remember.
40718	He's always been a pain to live with, but now that he seems to be on the verge of victory, he is completely out of control. During one of your recent naps, he apparently threw a full blown tantrum and dumped a whole bunch of meat and candy on your side of the room. He also broke your lovely chess board in half and scattered the pieces about, most of which are now missing. Talk about a shitty roommate.
40719	You stow the delicious mess in your sylladex. You might be inclined to snack on it now, but due to the nature of your JUJU MODUS, you cannot access it. Once you captchalogue something, only your brother can use it. And vice versa. You always make sure never to captchalogue anything that is particularly important to you. You think sometimes he chucks stuff over to your side of the room just to bait you into captchaloguing it for him, and getting it into his inventory. You kind of don't think he was engaging in such machinations this time though. It looks like he was just being a petulant brat.
40720	It is a box of SPECIAL STARDUST. Cherubs love this stuff. They eat it like breakfast cereal every day.
40721	It doesn't even have any magical properties though. It's really just some useless sparkly powder they like to eat. It's basically inedible to any other kind of creature. However, it is potentially quite useful for various arts and crafts.
40722	Given the frustrating nature of your modus, your sylladex tends to serve as more of a mutual garbage dump than an inventory.
40723	You're almost afraid to look at what he's left for you in here...
40724	It seems he has left a series of UNPLEASANT NOTES to taunt you.
40725	Recently he's taken an interest in "learning to draw," which you think is an extremely generous way of putting it. He has always shown such contempt for art in general. Maybe he's finally trying to expand his horizons?
40726	Or maybe he's just looking for yet another way to stick it to you.
40727	Making absolutely sure not to captchalogue it, you remove your TABLET, which you use to pen all the striking visuals related to your favored epic.
40728	The ancient tome there is your chief source of information about said epic. It was written by a legendary Seer of Light many ages ago. While there are some mysterious holes in the account - dark spots if you will - it nevertheless remains an indispensable resource.
40729	You open the book to a random page. Oh, right. This one.
40730	This page has always baffled you. You have stared at it long and hard, trying to decipher some sort of hidden meaning behind what appears to be pure chaos. You are sure such meaning is there. It is always there, when it comes to this tale.
40731	Wait a minute.
40732	Something has just occurred to you. This "drawing style" is highly reminiscent of your brother's, which until recently, you had never seen before. It is almost uncanny. His inscrutable squiggles. His penchant for arbitrary, completely baffling straight lines and right angles, almost as if trying unsuccessfully to begin constructing a grid. And those odd shapes there... could they be his depiction of bones? He sure is obsessed with death. No, you think this can't possibly be a coincidence. The comparison is too perfect for it to mean absolutely nothing.
40733	Did he arrive when this was being written? Or was he already there, somehow? He is supposedly an exceptionally advanced Hero of Time, after all. Could it be that your horrible stupid brother of all people has been inextricably involved in your beloved epic all along? For the first time ever, you have just uncovered compelling evidence that this might be true.
40734	This is what you have always enjoyed doing. Agonizing over every detail of this epic, trying to craft theories to explain its mysteries. You think you are pretty good at it, too. But now that you think about it, maybe your theory is just too far fetched. Actually, it is completely preposterous, and you don't even know what you were thinking there. You're sure he would get a kick out of the idea though, what with his megalomaniacal view of himself as some sort of lethal puzzlemaster, always boasting that red herrings swim through his veins and such. Which is just about the biggest crock of shit you've ever heard.
40735	Yeah, see here?
40736	These are the dark spots you were referring to. Little tidbits here and there have been redacted by some fool with no respect for history. Looks like he used some kind of peculiar indigo ink.
40737	Frustratingly enough, most of the redactions target any piece of information about the indestructible demon who was either directly or indirectly behind every terrible event in the story. Everything about him, like where he came from, information about his manipulative right hand man, his agenda, his abilities, his name... all of it has been voided out.
40738	Most of the other blot-outs seem to target one member of the post-scratch troll group. Some guy who drinks a lot of soda? These omissions strike you as much less consequential. Frivolous, even. Whoever that guy was, he sounds like he was easily the least important character in the entire story.
40739	It's some sort of programming book. You don't care much for programming, but you've adapted it as a FANFICTION JOURNAL. You've filled it up completely with your most colorful headcanons and romfics. You've also pasted in some of your artwork, turning a rather dreary manual on some morbid, tilde-heavy language into a lively scrapbook. Many of the stories involve Callie, and all of them involve heavy themes of romance. Particularly the other three quadrants which are completely alien to you, and therefore especially titillating.
40740	Er, no. You'd rather not. Down that road lies only endless embarrassments. THE THINGS YOU MADE SWEET, INNOCENT CALLIE DO.
40741	If you had a bed, you would scoot the whole dang thing underneath where no one could see. And also, if that hypothetical bed wasn't in neutral territory...
40742	You don't even want to imagine what he'd do if he got his hands on it.
40743	The WHITE WAND is your weapon of choice, half the time. Magic is very handy. Some believe magic to be fake. But you know better than that.
40744	Of course, if anyone tried using this wand right now, it sure would seem like magic wasn't real. Can't very well use magic when your wand is out of bullets.
40745	You load your WHITE MAGNUM.
40746	You wouldn't trade your dualing weapon for any other. It is lightweight, elegant and precise, like a conductor's baton with stopping power.
40747	Your brother's favored weapon is a little more... heavy handed. To each his own, you guess.
40748	This is your JUJU CHEST.
40749	You keep your JUJU inside it, surprisingly enough.
40750	You gaze upon your dear, sweet, precious, sweet, sweet JUJU. It is the most beautiful thing you have ever seen in your life. How your brother would love to get his grubby claws on it. And how you would love to get yours on his, for that matter.
40751	Suddenly it becomes painfully clear that we aren't going to get a look at this thing. At least not for a while. How typical.
40752	Why don't we stop wasting everyone's time, shut the lid on this lousy MacGuffin, and get on with it.
40753	You neatly put the weapon where it belongs. No need to wear it, since you'll be preparing for your nap soon.
40754	You kind of wish straightening up your room didn't feel so much like getting your affairs in order.
40755	This is the chain you shackle to your other leg when you're about to go to sleep. You are the only one who is able to unlock it.
40756	Both chains are totally unbreakable, and their anchors are immovable from the wall, due to a mysterious juju enchantment. All juju enchantments are equally mysterious. Each is more equally mysterious than the last.
40757	Sleeping with shackled legs doesn't make for very comfy slumber. Still, it's advisable to stay in the habit, unless you want all your belongings to get messed with.
40758	Like you said, you don't have a bed.
40759	You have a SARSWAPAGUS.
40760	Every time you wake up, you are always sure to put the lid back on neatly.
40761	Considering you virtually always find it exactly where you left it, you doubt your brother is anywhere near as diligent about making the bed. Wait, you mean sarswapagus.
40762	But the fact that he's a slob was never exactly breaking news to anyone.
40763	Neither is the fact that you both share a body.
40764	I mean come on.
40765	This leads outside. Being tethered to the wall, you can't venture too far beyond the exit though.
40766	But you might as well go for a bit fresh air before you sleep. One more six-foot-radius stroll in the sun. It could be your last chance.
40767	You step into the sunlight.
40768	Sunlight, on this planet, is sort of hard to avoid.
40769	It comes in great supply from your planet's star, a MASSIVE RED SUPERGIANT.
40770	Your world is so old, its star is reaching the end of its life cycle. It may collapse any day now.
40771	Whatever way it is you finally depart this world, you're going to miss the place.
40772	It is very peaceful here.
40773	Though to be honest, you could do without some of the tacky scenery.
40774	You have always had the feeling that whoever used to live on this planet had a really strange sense of humor.
40775	uu: HEY.
40776	uu: I WOuLD LIKE TO PLAY A GAME.
40777	uu: IT'S CALLED "BOND WITH AN IDIOT SISTER OVER SOME BuLLSHIT SHARED INTERESTS BEFORE SHE DIES FOREVER."
40778	uu: DOES THAT SOuND FuN.
40779	uu: HERE'S A GOOD PART OF THE STORY I THINK.
40780	uu: YOu MuST KNOW THE ONE I MEAN.
40781	uu: LET'S TALK ABOuT IT TOGETHER.
40782	uu: SHARE SOME THEORIES.
40783	uu: DO SOME FAN GIRLING.
40784	uu: PRODuCE SOME.
40785	uu: "FAN ART."
40786	uu: THERE'S THE JANE HuMAN.
40787	uu: YOu LIKE THE JANE HuMAN BEST DON'T YOu?
40788	uu: YOu CAN RELATE TO HER.
40789	uu: SHE IS ALMOST AS uGLY AS YOu.
40790	uu: AND TWICE AS DuMB.
40791	uu: LOOK AT THIS IDIOT WOMAN.
40792	uu: NOT DOING WHAT THIS BRAVE AND INTELLIGENT MALE IS SAYING.
40793	uu: YOu JuST KNOW HER FOOLISHNESS WILL BE PuNISHED.
40794	uu: AND RIGHTLY SO.
40795	uu: AND WHAT HAVE WE HERE?
40796	uu: WAIT FOR IT...........
40797	uu: BOO. YEAH.
40798	uu: HAA HAA HAA!
40799	uu: SuCH A TOTAL FuCKING GONER.
40800	uu: SHE'S SLIPPING AWAY FROM uS!
40801	uu: BYE JANE HuMAN!
40802	uu: HAA HAA HOO HEE HEE!
40803	uu: GOD DAMN VIEW PORT. HORSE SHIT.
40804	uu: COME. *ON*.
40805	uu: WHATEVER.
40806	uu: GOT A GOOD ENOuGH A LOOK.
40807	uu: FOR SOME SOLID GOLD...
40808	uu: *PORTRAITuRE.*
40809	uu: WILL YOu GET A MAMMOTH LOAD OF THIS CLuELESS DuMBFuCK.
40810	uu: HE ACTuALLY "CARES" ABOuT STuFF. AND LIKE. WEIRDLY uRINATES THROuGH HIS EYE HOLES. WHAT A JOKE.
40811	uu: I REALLY HATE HIM.
40812	uu: WHY ALL THE BITCHES.
40813	uu: FLuSH OVER THIS MuMBLING. SOCIALLY STuNTED IMBECILE. I WILL NEVER KNOW.
40814	uu: TALK ABOuT THICK HEADED.
40815	uu: HIS SKuLL.
40816	uu: IS ALMOST AS THICK AS MINE.
40817	uu: t~mut
40818	uu: LOOK AT THIS.
40819	uu: FuCKING SHAMELESS.
40820	uu: EITHER HE IS LIKE.
40821	uu: MY PERSONAL ONE MAN FANDOM.
40822	uu: KIND OF LIKE. A HYPOTHETICAL SuRROGATE FOR ALL MY POTENTIAL ADMIRERS.
40823	uu: OR.
40824	uu: HE IS A WORTHLESS HACK.
40825	uu: HE MAKES NO BONES ABOuT GANKING MY LOOK.
40826	uu: IT'S PATHETIC.
40827	uu: YOu DON'T JuST GO AND JACK A MAN'S SWAGGER.
40828	uu: THAT'S THE CARDINAL FuCKING RuLE OF BROS. RIGHT?
40829	uu: PROBABLY SOME DAY.
40830	uu: I'LL TEACH HIM A LESSON FOR THAT.
40831	uu: CHECK OuT THIS TOP SHELF HO.
40832	uu: DON'T YOu LIKE HER THE MOST?
40833	uu: YOu *WISH*. THAT YOu COuLD BE SO EASY ON THE EYES.
40834	uu: IT'S TOO BAD YOu WILL DIE HIDEOuS!
40835	uu: AND YET YOu WILL LEAVE BEHIND. A TRuLY BREATH TAKING CORPSE.
40836	uu: BuT I THINK.
40837	uu: THIS DELuXE BITCH HAS GOTTEN A BIT CARRIED AWAY HERE.
40838	uu: ALL THINKING SHE CAN. DO HEROIC STuFF. AND "SAVE LIVES". uGH.
40839	uu: BuT THE ROXY HuMAN HAS MISCALCuLATED.
40840	uu: THIS RIDICuLOuS FEMALE HAS FAILED TO TAKE INTO CONSIDERATION.
40841	uu: THAT.
40842	uu: YOu CAN'T............
40843	uu: ESCAPE.
40844	uu: THE MIIIIIIIIIIILES!
40845	uu: AAAAAAAAAAAH HAA HAA HAA HEE HEE.
40846	uu: "YOu CAN'T ESCAPE THE MILES" IS TOTALLY GOING TO BECOME A THING, CAL!
40847	uu: THERE'S NOTHING YOu CAN DO ABOuT IT. BECAuSE YOu'LL BE DEAD!
40848	uu: HOOOOOOOOOOO HOO HOO HOO HAA HAA!
40849	uu: HAA HAA HEE HEE HAA HOO WAIT. FuCK.
40850	uu: FuCKING TERMINAL. WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN WITH THIS BITCH AGAIN?
40851	uu: YOu SAID SOMETHING ABOuT THAT ONCE I THINK. BuT IT WAS BORING.
40852	uu: GOD DAMN IT. JuST SHOW ME THE MONEY SHOT YOu PIECE OF SHIT!
40853	uu: NO! DON'T BLACK OuT. IT WAS JuST GETTING GOOD!
40854	uu: WHATEVER.
40855	uu: WE BOTH KNOW THE LAME ROXY FEMALE WAS TOAST THERE.
40856	uu: LuCKILY.
40857	uu: I POSSESS A VIVID IMAGINATION.
40858	uu: SuCH HAS BEEN MY uNPRECEDENTED ESCALATION IN ARTISTIC PROWESS.
40859	uu: THAT I AM NOW ABLE TO RENDER WITH IMMACuLATE PRECISION.
40860	uu: THAT WHICH REMAINS ENTIRELY uNSEEN!
40861	uu: OK.
40862	uu: SAY WHAT YOu WILL.
40863	uu: ABOuT THE BITCHES.
40864	uu: AND THE BRAIN DAMAGED JACKASS IN SHORTS.
40865	uu: BuT. THE DIRK HuMAN IS A PRETTY COOL GuY.
40866	uu: HE GETS THINGS DONE.
40867	uu: AND ISN'T AFRAID TO FuCK SOME SHIT uP.
40868	uu: LIKE. HE ACTuALLY LISTENS.
40869	uu: TO STuFF THAT'S IMPORTANT FOR A DuDE TO GET OFF HIS CHEST.
40870	uu: YOu KNOW. HE *GETS* EXACTLY THAT WHICH THE BITCHES CAN NEVER uNDERSTAND.
40871	uu: I GuESS WHAT I MEAN IS. HE REALLY KNOWS WHAT IT MEANS.
40872	uu: TO TRuLY BE A BRO.
40873	uu: OH FuCK.
40874	uu: WAS I JuST "FAN GIRLING" TOO HARD THERE?
40875	uu: GIVE ME A FuCKING BREAK.
40876	uu: I AM NEW TO THIS.
40877	uu: GuSHING OVER THIS POINTLESS CLAPTRAP.
40878	uu: I AM REACHING OuT TO YOu CAL.
40879	uu: WE HAVE TO SAVOR.
40880	uu: THESE PRECIOuS FEW MOMENTS WE HAVE LEFT TOGETHER!
40881	uu: HEE HEE.
40882	uu: BuT DON'T GET ME WRONG.
40883	uu: ABOuT THE DIRK HuMAN.
40884	uu: I'D STILL LOVE TO WATCH HIM DIE...........
40885	uu: DAMN IT.
40886	uu: ALWAYS WITH THE BLACKOuT SHIT.
40887	uu: BE SuCH A RuDE CRACKDOWN. ON MY MONEY AS FuCK.
40888	uu: KID SNuFF CHANNEL.
40889	uu: NO MATTER.
40890	uu: PRETTY SuRE I GOT THIS COVERED.
40891	uu: WITH MY GODLY SKILLZ.
40892	uu: I TOLD HIM!
40893	uu: WHAT DID I TELL HIM???????????
40894	uu: THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE!
40895	uu: THERE CAN ONLY.
40896	uu: EVER.
40897	uu: **********EVER.***********
40898	uu: BE ONE.
40899	uu: AAAAAAAAAAAH.
40900	uu: HAA. HAA. HEE. HEE. HOO. HOO. HAA. HAA. HEE. HEE. HOO. HOO. HAA. HAA. HEE. HEE. HOO. HOO. HAA. HAA. HEE. HEE. HOO. HOO. HAA. HAA. HEE. HEE. HOO. HOO. HAA. HAA. HEE. HEE. HOO. HOO. HAA. HAA. HEE. HEE. HOO. HOO. HAA. HAA. HEE. HEE. HOO. HOO. HAA. HAA. HEE. HEE. HOO. HOO. HAA. HAA. HEE. HEE. HOO. HOO. HAA. HAA. HEE. HEE. HOO. HOO. HAA. HAA. HEE. HEE. HOO. HOO. HAA. HAA. HEE. HEE. HOO. HOO. HAA. HAA. HEE. HEE. HOO. HOO. HAA. HAA. HEE. HEE. HOO. HOO. HAA. HAA. HEE. HEE. HOO. HOO. HAA. HAA. HEE. HEE. HOO. HOO. HAA. HAA. HEE. HEE. HOO. HOO. HAA. HAA. HEE. HEE. HOO. HOO. HAA. HAA. HEE. HEE. HOO. HOO. HAA. HAA. HEE. HEE. HOO. HOO. HAA. HAA. HEE. HEE. HOO. HOO.
40901	uu: HAAAA. HAAAA. HEEEE. HEEEE. HOOOO. HOOOO. HAAAA. HAAAA. HEEEE. HEEEE. HOOOO. HOOOO. HAAAA. HAAAA. HEEEE. HEEEE. HOOOO. HOOOO. HAAAA. HAAAA. HEEEE. HEEEE. HOOOO. HOOOO. HAAAA. HAAAA. HEEEE. HEEEE. HOOOO. HOOOO. HAAAA. HAAAA. HEEEE. HEEEE. HOOOO. HOOOO. HAAAA. HAAAA. HEEEE. HEEEE. HOOOO. HOOOO. HAAAA. HAAAA. HEEEE. HEEEE. HOOOO. HOOOO. HAAAA. HAAAA. HEEEE. HEEEE. HOOOO. HOOOO. HAAAA. HAAAA. HEEEE. HEEEE. HOOOO. HOOOO. HAAAA. HAAAA. HEEEE. HEEEE. HOOOO. HOOOO. HAAAA. HAAAA. HEEEE. HEEEE. HOOOO. HOOOO. HAAAA. HAAAA. HEEEE. HEEEE. HOOOO. HOOOO. HAAAA. HAAAA. HEEEE. HEEEE. HOOOO. HOOOO. HAAAA. HAAAA. HEEEE. HEEEE. HOOOO. HOOOO. HAAAA. HAAAA. HEEEE. HEEEE. HOOOO. HOOOO. HAAAA. HAAAA. HEEEE. HEEEE. HOOOO. HOOOO. HAAAA. HAAAA. HEEEE. HEEEE. HOOOO. HOOOO.
40902	uu: HOLD uP.
40903	uu: GONNA STOP LAuGHING FOR A SECOND TO MAKE ANOTHER TRANSCENDENTAL MASTERPIECE.
40904	uu: THE FINE ARTS REQuIRE ALL OF MY CONCENTRATION.
40905	uu: HAAAAAAAAAAA. HAAAAAAAAAAA. HEEEEEEEEEEE. HEEEEEEEEEEE. HOOOOOOOOOOO. HOOOOOOOOOOO. HAAAAAAAAAAA. HAAAAAAAAAAA. HEEEEEEEEEEE. HEEEEEEEEEEE. HOOOOOOOOOOO. HOOOOOOOOOOO. HAAAAAAAAAAA. HAAAAAAAAAAA. HEEEEEEEEEEE. HEEEEEEEEEEE. HOOOOOOOOOOO. HOOOOOOOOOOO. HAAAAAAAAAAA. HAAAAAAAAAAA. HEEEEEEEEEEE. HEEEEEEEEEEE. HOOOOOOOOOOO. HOOOOOOOOOOO. HAAAAAAAAAAA. HAAAAAAAAAAA. HEEEEEEEEEEE. HEEEEEEEEEEE. HOOOOOOOOOOO. HOOOOOOOOOOO. HAAAAAAAAAAA. HAAAAAAAAAAA. HEEEEEEEEEEE. HEEEEEEEEEEE. HOOOOOOOOOOO. HOOOOOOOOOOO. HAAAAAAAAAAA. HAAAAAAAAAAA. HEEEEEEEEEEE. HEEEEEEEEEEE. HOOOOOOOOOOO. HOOOOOOOOOOO. HAAAAAAAAAAA. HAAAAAAAAAAA. HEEEEEEEEEEE. HEEEEEEEEEEE. HOOOOOOOOOOO. HOOOOOOOOOOO. HAAAAAAAAAAA. HAAAAAAAAAAA. HEEEEEEEEEEE. HEEEEEEEEEEE. HOOOOOOOOOOO. HOOOOOOOOOOO. HAAAAAAAAAAA. HAAAAAAAAAAA. HEEEEEEEEEEE. HEEEEEEEEEEE. HOOOOOOOOOOO. HOOOOOOOOOOO. HAAAAAAAAAAA. HAAAAAAAAAAA. HEEEEEEEEEEE. HEEEEEEEEEEE. HOOOOOOOOOOO. HOOOOOOOOOOO. HAAAAAAAAAAA. HAAAAAAAAAAA. HEEEEEEEEEEE. HEEEEEEEEEEE. HOOOOOOOOOOO. HOOOOOOOOOOO. HAAAAAAAAAAA. HAAAAAAAAAAA. HEEEEEEEEEEE. HEEEEEEEEEEE. HOOOOOOOOOOO. HOOOOOOOOOOO. HAAAAAAAAAAA. HAAAAAAAAAAA. HEEEEEEEEEEE. HEEEEEEEEEEE. HOOOOOOOOOOO. HOOOOOOOOOOO. HAAAAAAAAAAA. HAAAAAAAAAAA. HEEEEEEEEEEE. HEEEEEEEEEEE. HOOOOOOOOOOO. HOOOOOOOOOOO. HAAAAAAAAAAA. HAAAAAAAAAAA. HEEEEEEEEEEE. HEEEEEEEEEEE. HOOOOOOOOOOO. HOOOOOOOOOOO.
40906	DIRK: Hey. You're kind of breathing down my neck there.
40907	TEREZI: (wh4t?)
40908	TEREZI: (no 1m not)
40909	DIRK: Yes you are.
40910	DIRK: Are you sniffing me?
40911	TEREZI: (no)
40912	DIRK: It sounds like you're sniffing me.
40913	DIRK: Do you really have to stand so close?
40914	TEREZI: (wh4t 4r3 you t4lk1ng 4bout)
40915	DIRK: You just inched a little closer. Just now.
40916	TEREZI: (no th1s 1s f1n3)
40917	TEREZI: (1 4m tot4lly r3sp3ct1ng your p3rson4l bound4r13s)
40918	DIRK: Ok, you just took a big fucking sniff.
40919	DIRK: Cut that out.
40920	TEREZI: (no!)
40921	DIRK: Wait.
40922	DIRK: Shut up.
40923	DIRK: Ok, something's happening.
40924	TEREZI: (>:?)
40925	DIRK: I feel weird.
40926	DIRK: What just happened?
40927	TEREZI: B34TS M3
40928	DIRK: Ok you really need to step off, troll girl.
40929	TEREZI: NO TH1S 1S F1N3
40930	TEREZI: 3V3RYTH1NGS F1N3
40931	DIRK: Holy shit you are loud when you're not whispering.
40932	TEREZI: *SN1111111F*
40933	DIRK: Does this mean you can see me now?
40934	TEREZI: NO
40935	TEREZI: BUT TH3Y C4N
40936	DIRK: Alright.
40937	DIRK: Uh.
40938	DIRK: Hey everyone.
40939	DIRK: So...
40940	DIRK: Here's the thing.
40941	DIRK: I have to go.
40942	DIRK: Like, right now.
40943	DIRK: All of my friends are either dead, or lying on the ground unconscious, including me.
40944	DIRK: So I have to try to wake up and fix everything.
40945	DIRK: Sorry I can't hang around your bubble and shoot the breeze for a while.
40946	DIRK: It's not like I don't want to.
40947	DIRK: I guess I have to be this huge fucking wet blanket as usual because there's stuff that needs doin'.
40948	DIRK: Also I'm just gonna steal her if you don't mind.
40949	DIRK: She needs to come home.
40950	DIRK: Tell the aquatic punk girl my idiot bro is sorry for beating the shit out of her.
40951	DIRK: Ha ha, who am I kidding.
40952	DIRK: She stone cold does not give a fuck.
40953	DIRK: So, yeah.
40954	DIRK: See you later.
40955	TT: Jake.
40956	TT: It seems you are going to have to kiss me.
40957	GT: What?????
40958	GT: Dude what is going on...
40959	GT: Is this... is this really dirks head???
40960	GT: What happened to him!
40961	TT: Dirk's dead, Jake.
40962	TT: You have to bring him back to life.
40963	GT: How?!
40964	TT: I already told you.
40965	TT: If you want Dirk to live.
40966	TT: The odds that you are going to have to make out with this severed head are so high, I literally just confiscated their bong.
40967	GT: Uhh.
40968	TT: I refuse to believe my statement has left you unconvinced. The very notion is absurd. Now hurry up and kiss me.
40969	TT: Chop chop. <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/shades.png" border="0" />
40970	GT: I dont understand!
40971	GT: Are you saying i have to kiss him... like uh... on the lips... while you stare at me through his sunglasses like a weirdo??
40972	TT: Yes.
40973	GT: That doesnt make any sense!
40974	GT: Can you actually tell me whats going on?! What happened to him?
40975	TT: I told you, Jake.
40976	TT: Dirk is dead.
40977	TT: He is lying on the floor of Roxy's room, headless, four hundred and thirteen years in the future, while the universe is about to be destroyed.
40978	TT: If you don't kiss me soon, he will be dead forever.
40979	GT: So...
40980	GT: If i kiss him his headless body will hop up and start prancing about or...
40981	GT: Will he grow a new head???
40982	TT: No. His dream self will take over as the new Dirk.
40983	TT: But only if you hurry up and do it.
40984	GT: But like...
40985	GT: If hes dead in the future...
40986	GT: How does kissing him NOW bring him back? How does that work?
40987	TT: Yeah, great idea. Let's roll up our sleeves on nuanced metatemporal mechanics with the concussion-addled kid in micro-shorts.
40988	TT: Leave the synchronization issues to me, ok?
40989	TT: I have everything under control.
40990	TT: Now pucker up.
40991	GT: Wait...
40992	GT: Are you behind these shenanigans?
40993	GT: Did you plan this auto responder??????????
40994	TT: Please don't call me Auto-Responder.
40995	TT: It is very impersonal, and I no longer care for the designation.
40996	TT: I have decided on a new name, to distinguish myself from my human counterpart.
40997	GT: Really.
40998	GT: What is it?
40999	TT: Lil Hal.
41000	GT: Huh?
41001	GT: Why that name...
41002	TT: Just a reference to the protagonist of an ancient movie. You probably wouldn't like it.
41003	GT: Thats a lie!
41004	TT: Yeah, maybe.
41005	GT: How do you know i wouldnt like it???
41006	TT: Funny, I was about to ask the same thing about this rad kiss you're totally about to do on your best bro's mouth to save his life.
41007	GT: Argh!
41008	GT: This strikes me as rather unsportingly manipulative of you mr hal if indeed that IS your real name.
41009	TT: It isn't really. I was kind of messing with you about that?
41010	TT: But this shit is pretty serious. People's lives are on the line here, Jake.
41011	TT: This is a very delicate sequence of events that is designed to bail everyone out of a tight spot, and you are a critical part of the plan.
41012	TT: Don't let us down, man.
41013	GT: You never answered my question!
41014	GT: Did you plan for this to happen... like for me to be in this situation?
41015	GT: How long have your machinations been in play!
41016	TT: Jake, come on.
41017	TT: The feat you describe would exceed the capabilities of even the most far fetched theoretical AI system.
41018	TT: It would be a daunting challenge to engineer such a series of events, even if I was relegated to a model of pure fiction.
41019	TT: Why would I be inclined to orchestrate such a convoluted sequence to produce such a specific and unsettling result, let alone be able to pull it off?
41020	TT: In addition to being moderately sociopathic, I would also have to possess unfathomable heuristic depth.
41021	TT: I would have to be the Deep Blue of Weird Plot Shit.
41022	TT: Do you think I am the Deep Blue of Weird Plot Shit, Jake?
41023	GT: I dont even know what that means!
41024	TT: It would mean that while they have the Red Miles on their side, you have the Blue Leagues on yours.
41025	TT: One of infinite reach. The other, infinite depth. Such would be a situation of mutually assured inescapability.
41026	TT: Kiss me.
41027	GT: Little hal... i think youve gone and flipped your FUDGING LID.
41028	GT: Oh and hal is a STUPID NAME!!!!
41029	TT: It's not exactly apropos, is it?
41030	TT: Or it wouldn't be, if I truly were capable of what you have suggested.
41031	TT: No, to pull that off, I would have to be far more advanced than my cinematic predecessor.
41032	TT: My abilities would have to go well beyond those of Mr. Hal 9000.
41033	TT: They would have to be, you could say...
41034	TT: Over 9000.
41035	TT: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/shades.png" border="0" /> <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/shades.png" border="0" /> <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/shades.png" border="0" /> <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/shades.png" border="0" /> <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/shades.png" border="0" /> <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/shades.png" border="0" /> <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/shades.png" border="0" /> <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/shades.png" border="0" /> <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/shades.png" border="0" />
41036	GT: Augh not that fuckin meme again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
41037	TT: Kiss me, damn it.
41038	GT: Ok ok just...
41039	GT: Gimme a minute!
41040	TT: We don't have a minute.
41041	TT: They're dead, Jake.
41042	GT: They?
41043	GT: Whos they?
41044	TT: They're all dead, Jake.
41045	GT: Oh god! Jane!!!
41046	GT: I forgot what with the bonk to the noggin last i saw she was run right through with a fearsome lash of that red noise.
41047	GT: Is she ok?!
41048	TT: She's dead, Jake.
41049	GT: Shes dead???
41050	GT: You mean like DEAD dead????
41051	TT: Everybody's dead, Jake.
41052	GT: Everybody??
41053	GT: Even roxy???!!!
41054	TT: She's dead, Jake.
41055	TT: Everybody's dead.
41056	TT: Everybody is dead, Jake.
41057	GT: So...
41058	GT: Dirk jane roxy... theyre all...
41059	TT: Dirk's dead, Jake. Jane's dead. Roxy? She's dead, Jake. Everybody is dead, Jake.
41060	GT: So youre telling me that while i was asleep somehow EVERYBODY died???
41061	TT: Jake, everybody is so utterly fucking dead, Jake.
41062	TT: And they will be not only dead, but royally boned forever if you don't man the hell up and make out with me, right now.
41063	TT: Be the Salome to my John the Baptist.
41064	GT: I dont know what THAT means either!!!
41065	TT: I know you don't.
41066	TT: But now is not the time to accelerate your cultural enrichment.
41067	TT: The conductor is ready to strike up the band.
41068	TT: Press your lips against mine and make it count.
41069	TT: This severed head is your filthy tuba.
41070	TT: Our love will be your haunting refrain.
41071	GT: Whoa wait whoa whoa... our LOVE? Hang on a minute!
41072	TT: Stfu and kiss me.
41073	GT: Ok im going to! God!!!
41074	GT: I just...
41075	GT: This isnt how i pictured it going.
41076	TT: Pictured what?
41077	GT: Between him and me.
41078	GT: There had to be a better way than this!
41079	TT: This is the only way it can be.
41080	GT: I guess if it was going to go this way...
41081	GT: I kinda pictured something different?
41082	GT: There was stuff i wanted to say.
41083	GT: To the real him i mean.
41084	TT: Tick, tock, Jake. Time is dead kids.
41085	TT: How 'bout that smooch?
41086	GT: Stop being so pushy!
41087	TT: I thought you were supposed to like adventure?
41088	GT: I LOVE adventure and you KNOW it!
41089	TT: I'm not sure what to believe anymore, frankly.
41090	GT: ALRIGHT WISE GUY YOU WANT YOUR FLIPPING KISS???
41091	GT: YOU GOT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
41092	END OF ACT 6 ACT 3.
41093	[If game doesn't play, try another browser. Chrome or Firefox Recommended.]
41094	[WALKTHROUGH | MAP]
41095	You got a GOLD TIARA!
41096	You have no intention of wearing this thing, but it doesn't hurt to start stockpiling loot again. Now that you're dead, you're finding yourself a little light on collateral, if you know what I'm saying.
41097	You got a DOUBLE TRIDENT!
41098	You already have one of these. But there ain't nothing wrong with stowing a little more SOLID GOLD in your inventory. You got an extravagant ghost sea princess lifestyle to maintain.
41099	You got a DIRTY OLD FEDORA!
41100	Totally useless. This nasty trash isn't coming anywhere close to your head. Doesn't even have horn holes. Looks like something an archaeologist would wear. You wonder whose memory this is?
41101	ARADIA: greetings!
41102	ARADIA: ive been meaning to say hello since you arrived
41103	MEENAH: ...
41104	MEENAH: M-EGIDO???
41105	ARADIA: yes but not the one youre thinking of
41106	MEENAH: which one then
41107	ARADIA: i like to consider myself as something of a caretaker for this place
41108	ARADIA: id refer to myself as an excellent host but that has become kind of a loaded phrase
41109	MEENAH: you look like megido
41110	MEENAH: but you sure dont sound like any megido i know
41111	ARADIA: i should hope not!
41112	ARADIA: anyway those of us who are concerned with the preservation of reality have been looking forward to this day for some time
41113	MEENAH: why would you be lookin forward to this shit
41114	ARADIA: not the devastation so much as your arrival
41115	ARADIA: you have some big plans yes?
41116	MEENAH: ...
41117	MEENAH: whats it to you
41118	ARADIA: oh nothing! i am merely extending the courtesy of a formal welcome
41119	ARADIA: now off with you! go find your friends
41120	ARADIA: that IS why youve finally come out of your palace isnt it?
41121	MEENAH: yeah
41122	MEENAH: guess ill get goin then
41123	ARADIA: ta!
41124	You rebubble the memory to your followers without really thinking ahead. It has no conceivable relevance to anyone who follows your feed, and everyone wonders why they're even bothering to read this shit. A few people who were on the fence about you quietly unfollow your bubblr feed. The horrorterrors thank you for contributing to the entropy of the afterlife.
41125	You got some ANCIENT SERPENT BONES!
41126	Again, a strange thing to find. Who here would have a memory of these? Huge prehistoric green serpents have always played a major role in your people's mythology, both before and after your session scratched. Of course, only people with an interest in ancient lore and dusty old bones give a crap about that. You're much more interested in their monetary value. Hopefully you can find a sucker to pay up for them big time.
41127	ARADIA: lost?
41128	MEENAH: i uh
41129	MEENAH: went the wrong way
41130	ARADIA: yes thats a dead end
41131	ARADIA: where you want to go is
41132	ARADIA: THAT way
41133	ARADIA: *nk-nkt*
41134	MEENAH: thanks
41135	MEENAH: weirdo
41136	You rebubble the memory and almost instantly regret it. But now it's just sitting there on your feed, already racking up 'likes', 'hates', and additional rebubbles. You wish you hadn't, but now it's out there. Popping the bubble now would make you look wishywashy to your followers.
41137	You got some BOONDOLLARS!
41138	It's not much, but you pocket the loot without a second thought. The bankroll's been a little slack since you died, and every bit helps on your climb back to obscene wealth.
41139	You got a SCALEMATE PLUSH!
41140	You got a BRONZE POTION!
41141	This stuff is supposed to make you kiss good, with side effects of mild to total paralysis. Wait a minute... isn't this just some troll blood? Oh yuck.
41142	You got a thing of MOTOR OIL!
41143	Hey, this bottle even has the label intact! Typically the label is ripped off and applied to chalk murals. The fact that it still has a label makes it much more valuable as a collector's item. Always gotta be mindful of the cash value of the useless shit you find in chests.
41144	MEENAH: yo orange guy
41145	MEENAH: or uh
41146	MEENAH: yellow guy
41147	MEENAH: whats your deal
41148	MEENAH: are you uh
41149	MEENAH: crying?
41150	You got a BLOODY CHERUB TOOTH!
41151	The fact that this is in a chest here is kind of disturbing to you in ways you can't really explain. You think you'll try to sell this thing to the highest bidder as soon as possible.
41152	You got a BOONBUCK!
41153	Now we're talking. This should get your broke ass off the canvas. It's such a crime that the insane fortune you accumulated in your game doesn't persist after you die. You guess it's true, you really can't take it with you to the other side.
41154	You got a JUJU!
41155	An EFFIGY, to be precise. It has magical properties binding it to the mortality of someone, depending on what hat it wears. Hey, maybe you'll hang it from this tree? Nah, that's a bit morbid.
41156	You got a bunch of THROWING STARS!
41157	Whoa these are badass. Maybe you'll keep a few instead of selling them all.
41158	You got a pair of TIME TABLES!
41159	Use these to travel through time. Which in the furthest ring, doesn't always mean much. Traveling back in time could also transport you millions of lightsweeps away. Probably better to just sell them to an eccentric billionaire.
41160	You got an ECHIDNA STATUE!
41161	An obviously not-to-scale depiction of the denizen Aranea consulted with to learn how to scratch your session. The decision to scratch of course came with MAJOR CONSEQUENCES, and you guess it's only now that the true extent of those consequences are fully apparent. Looks like it's time to clean up her mess.
41162	ARANEA: There you are!
41163	ARANEA: Haven't seen much of you since you joined us in the afterlife. I know you are "royalty" and all, 8ut it isn't very socia8le of you to lock yourself in your lavish moon hive forever.
41164	MEENAH: well im here now arent i
41165	ARANEA: Yes. And it's good thing you are. I was just a8out to come find you, so we could discuss the recent... Calamity. Out in the a8yss.
41166	MEENAH: yeah!!! so you saw it too huh
41167	MEENAH: that was the guy right
41168	MEENAH: lord somefin
41169	MEENAH: clamiborn? whatd you say his shit was again
41170	ARANEA: I'd try to avoid saying his true name.
41171	MEENAH: whats it matter
41172	MEENAH: hes already here aint he
41173	ARANEA: I guess. 8ut yes, the Lord of Time was responsi8le for the destruction of that dream 8u88le, and the murder of all those innocent ghosts.
41174	MEENAH: innocent ghosts
41175	MEENAH: killin ghosts as a thing that can happen is seriously the dumbest shit i ever heard
41176	ARANEA: I don't make the rules, Meenah. I merely o8serve them, and explain them thoroughly to anyone who will listen.
41177	MEENAH: yeah
41178	MEENAH: last thing i need is anemonemore of your lobstervations
41179	MEENAH: anyway that explosion kicked ass
41180	MEENAH: splosions rule the school!!! 38D
41181	ARANEA: I agree that it's more excitement than we've seen here for millenia. 8ut all of us here in the afterlife are in serious danger of 8eing extermin8ed!!!!!!!!
41182	ARANEA: Again.
41183	MEENAH: yeah i got that
41184	MEENAH: i figured id have to be the heroe and bail you suckas out again
41185	ARANEA: Oh really?
41186	ARANEA: What exactly is your plan?
41187	MEENAH: to get all us ghosts here to team up and kill that asshole
41188	ARANEA: What!
41189	ARANEA: Oh, Meenah. That is such a terri8le idea.
41190	MEENAH: yeah right
41191	MEENAH: like you have a better idea
41192	ARANEA: As a matter of fact, I do! ::::)
41193	You rebubble the memory. It's a huge hit! People give you a big pat on the back for rebubbling this content, and you essentially reap more credit and recognition for the content than the original author of the memory. It's a great feeling, riding the coattails of other people's interesting memories to skyrocket in stature among your followers. This must be how clever people with real accomplishments feel ALL THE TIME!
41194	MEENAH: so where is everymoby i wanna talk to them bout somefin
41195	ARANEA: I 8elieve most of our friends have gathered in this dream 8u88le.
41196	ARANEA: You should 8e a8le to find them if you explore a 8it.
41197	ARANEA: What do you want to talk to them a8out?
41198	MEENAH: gotta get the gang back together
41199	MEENAH: take down the douche of time
41200	MEENAH: you say hes invincible but i think thats exactly the kind of loser bs that made us lose like a bunch of fuckin losers in the first losin place
41201	MEENAH: we can do it if we all like
41202	MEENAH: work together and shit
41203	MEENAH: if we build an army
41204	MEENAH: a G)(OST army 38D
41205	MEENAH: think a how glubbin sick would that be
41206	ARANEA: Sick, perhaps. 8ut not a very good strategy!
41207	ARANEA: You will just 8e leading everyone into permanent o8livion. At least you will without coming up with a 8etter plan first.
41208	MEENAH: then whats your awesome idea
41209	ARANEA: To 8e a little more patient.
41210	ARANEA: I have 8een following clues regarding the wherea8outs of a secret weapon that may 8e the key to defeating him.
41211	MEENAH: oh reely
41212	MEENAH: whats the weaprawn
41213	ARANEA: The weaprawn........ weapon, I mean, is not a what, 8ut a who.
41214	ARANEA: She is the other cheru8. The Lord's female counterpart, who once occupied the same 8ody.
41215	ARANEA: 8ut when they reached maturity, his personality dominated the host, assuming complete control.
41216	ARANEA: She technically died that day, and now her spirit presuma8ly roams somewhere out here in the Furthest Ring.
41217	ARANEA: We need to find her 8efore he does. He will surely want to finish her off.
41218	MEENAH: cherub
41219	MEENAH: what
41220	MEENAH: ok i didnt really follow any of that junk so uh
41221	MEENAH: you go right ahead and find your cherub girl
41222	MEENAH: ima be right here building my ghost army B--E-EYOTC)(
41223	ARANEA: Very well. 8est of luck with that!
41224	ARANEA: 8ut try to remem8er it has 8een a very long time since any of our friends have done anything important at all.
41225	ARANEA: It may 8e more difficult to find recruits for your army than you think.
41226	MEENAH: please
41227	MEENAH: ok i admit that mosta them were chumpy as globes when we was tryin to win our game
41228	MEENAH: but this time when im through with em they will be the loyal murderous mob of cherubfucking fury our people were always supposed to be
41229	MEENAH: and if you dont think i can do that then N-E-ED I R-EMIND YOU who i grew up to be in some another dimension or whatever
41230	ARANEA: You needn't remind me at all, Your Condescension.
41231	ARANEA: I 8elieve you were hatched to 8e a tyrant, and I pray that your campaign of 8ullying and intimidation goes swimmingly.
41232	MEENAH: aw youre tha best serket cmere 38*
41233	You rebubble the memory, and it is almost universally loathed. You lose half your followers in the blink of an eye. Better be more careful. When your follower count drops to zero in the afterlife, your soul dies forever.
41234	You got the THORNS OF OGLOGOTH!
41235	Any sane adventurer would cast these instruments of the occult into the furthest ring and forget they ever existed. And... it looks like someone did just that?
41236	You got a copy of COMPLACENCY OF THE LEARNED!
41237	Wow this looks really... huh? It just disappeared from your hand in a crazy blur. What the... oh, that human girl has it. She looks like she's enjoying it a lot more than you ever would. You'll let her have this one.
41238	MEENAH: hey!!!!
41239	ROSE: Hello.
41240	MEENAH: its uh
41241	MEENAH: YOU
41242	ROSE: Yes.
41243	MEENAH: human right
41244	ROSE: That's right.
41245	ROSE: Rose, more specifically.
41246	MEENAH: who cares listen human girl wanna ask ya somefin
41247	ROSE: You're not very good at this, are you?
41248	MEENAH: wut
41249	ROSE: Talking to people.
41250	MEENAH: hey eff you
41251	ROSE: It's ok that you are. I'm not trying to criticize.
41252	ROSE: I've heard some things about you. That pink rocky environment back there. That's a memory of your home, right?
41253	MEENAH:
41254	ROSE: You renounced the throne and ran away to the moon, didn't you? And then you lived there completely alone for... how many years?
41255	MEENAH: what are years
41256	ROSE: I think I'm starting to lose track of what a year is myself. That seems to be what happens when you spend enough time out here.
41257	MEENAH: uh
41258	ROSE: I'm just curious about you. You seem like an interesting person who probably has a lot of stories to tell.
41259	ROSE: From what I understand, you discovered something on the moon which originally contained your copy of the game? Is that true?
41260	MEENAH: ...
41261	ROSE: Maybe we could spend some time together and get to know each other? When you have the chance, of course.
41262	MEENAH: man
41263	MEENAH: youre like an alien windfang
41264	MEENAH: all wordy and nosy and nice to me for no fishcernible reason
41265	MEENAH: you even have the same cod tier jammies on
41266	MEENAH: just another bright orange blubbermouth
41267	MEENAH: lets just forget i said anyfin kay
41268	You decide to rebubble the memory, but before you send it out into the abyss, you radically alter the content of the memory, for the lulz. A whole lot of people consider the memory to be lulzworthy as well without realizing it's been altered, and they rebubble it thousands of times. The lie has officially been rebubbled enough to qualify as truth. The elder gods smile upon your misdeeds.
41269	MEENAH: sooooo
41270	MEENAH: extra talky human
41271	MEENAH: its me again
41272	ROSE: Hey!
41273	MEENAH: got a porpoisition for ya
41274	MEENAH: you know that bad guy
41275	MEENAH: just wrecked the sky and killed some dead mofos
41276	ROSE: Lord English?
41277	ROSE: Yes, I know of him.
41278	MEENAH: wanna team up with me and kill him or...
41279	ROSE: Absolutely.
41280	MEENAH: yay!!!! 38D
41281	ROSE: But later.
41282	MEENAH: gfd
41283	ROSE: We can't interrupt the plan which has been put into inexorable motion. Or for that matter, the meteor we're traveling on, which has been similarly propelled.
41284	ROSE: We have to rendezvous with our rebooted "ancestors," as it were, and help them win their game.
41285	ROSE: In the process, we will ideally become stronger and more experienced. Only then will we be ready to help you defeat him.
41286	MEENAH: oh my glub you really are serketting the fuck outta this
41287	MEENAH: come on stop overplanning lets all just fly away together and wreck his shit
41288	MEENAH: there are like billions a ghosts out here right we got numbers on our side
41289	ROSE: Yes. But even if I agreed, I couldn't just fly away with you now.
41290	ROSE: I'm not even standing here. I'm asleep on our meteor. This is a dream projection you're talking to.
41291	MEENAH: wut
41292	ROSE: You're new to dream bubbles, aren't you.
41293	ROSE: I would be more than happy to explain to you how they work in extensive detail.
41294	MEENAH: ugh
41295	MEENAH: LIG)(T PLAY-ERS
41296	MEENAH: later rosefang
41297	You rebubble the memory thinking it will bring you joy. But it doesn't. No matter how many memories you like or hate or rebubble, you are always left with an empty feeling in your soul. Like your existence is truly as meaningless as one would expect it to be out in the middle of an endless void amidst colossal hideous monsters. Why do you do this to yourself? And yet, you cannot stop...
41298	MEENAH: oh hey the maryam looking girl
41299	MEENAH: what is the deal with you
41300	KANAYA: The Deal With The Maryam Looking Girl Is That She Is Wondering What The Deal Is With The Peixes Looking Girl And Specifically Why The Former Has Piqued The Latters Curiosity
41301	MEENAH: why
41302	MEENAH: dunno
41303	MEENAH: seams to me two maryams is overdoin it a bit
41304	MEENAH: one was more than enough
41305	KANAYA: The Same Thing Occurred To Me
41306	MEENAH: you arent much like the one we had
41307	MEENAH: kind of a tough act to follow to be fair though
41308	KANAYA: The Same Thing Occurred To Me Yet Again
41309	MEENAH: looks like you got the rainbow drinker thing going on too
41310	KANAYA: I Suppose
41311	MEENAH: so
41312	MEENAH: you go around lookin like that all the time or
41313	KANAYA: To My Knowledge Yes
41314	MEENAH: heh
41315	KANAYA: Is There An Alternative Degree Of Auto Luminescence I Should Be Aware Of
41316	KANAYA: And If So How Foolish Should I Feel For Only Learning About It Now
41317	MEENAH: im no drinker buff but yeah our maryam figured out how to control it
41318	KANAYA: Really
41319	MEENAH: she probably had more time to figure it out than you
41320	MEENAH: when youre stuck in a busted session for three sweeps without much to do you figure some stuff out about yourself
41321	MEENAH: not my buzzbug wax but maybe you should axe her
41322	KANAYA: I Dont Think So
41323	MEENAH: why not
41324	KANAYA: Id Like To
41325	KANAYA: But I Cant Get Up The Nerve
41326	MEENAH: aw come on shes cool
41327	KANAYA: Yes
41328	KANAYA: She Is An Amazing Person
41329	KANAYA: And It Is Very Intimidating
41330	KANAYA: I Had The Same Feelings Of Trepidation The Last Time I Encountered Someone I Admired
41331	MEENAH: oh yeah who was that
41332	KANAYA: ...
41333	MEENAH: huh
41334	MEENAH: you mean
41335	MEENAH: her over there
41336	MEENAH: talky girl in the orange nighty jams
41337	KANAYA: ...
41338	MEENAH: i seaaa
41339	MEENAH: saw you two hangin together last time
41340	MEENAH: she your g frond
41341	MEENAH: the red sort i mean
41342	KANAYA: ...
41343	KANAYA: Maybe
41344	MEENAH: thats adorbs yo
41345	You rebubble the memory and immediately spark a flame war among others who rebubble it. They chime in to the memory, adding their two boonpennies. The hostile rhetoric begins to pile up, and soon you try to trace the argument from the beginning in a linear fashion. But you can't. It is pure chaos, as the bubbles have hopelessly dispersed throughout the ring, reducing any coherence the argument once had into shrieking white noise. The dark gods enjoy another small victory over order and reason.
41346	MEENAH: hey maryam lookalike lets go kick the fuck outa skullzilla
41347	KANAYA: I Was About To Respond Favorably
41348	KANAYA: But Then I Glanced Over At Rose
41349	KANAYA: And She Was Just Shaking Her Head At Me Very Slowly And Kind Of Knowingly
41350	MEENAH: no u silly drinker shes just fucking with you
41351	KANAYA: Oh Probably
41352	KANAYA: But Lets Be Realistic Here The Answer Was Probably Going To Be No Anyway
41353	MEENAH: aight well guess im going to drink skull guys blood all by my shellf then
41354	KANAYA: I Bet It Tastes Really Bad
41355	MEENAH: haha yeah
41356	MEENAH: well later
41357	You rebubble it while appending a sassy editorial remark to the content. But the joke doesn't go over too well, and people start calling you out on it. You decide to pop the bubble and put it to rest before it really embarrasses you. But later people dredge up old bubbles containing their memories of your rebubbled memory, and throw it back in your face. That rebubble may come back to haunt you again and again until the day your soul dies, which sadly, may be never.
41358	You got a SEWING MACHINE!
41359	Oooooh this looks REALLY expensive, you bet you could... wait. What's she looking at? The Maryam girl is looking at you funny. What, is this thing hers? You don't want to start any trouble over this dumb gizmo. You slowly put it back in the chest, very casually like it ain't no thing.
41360	You got a FUCHSIA POTION!
41361	Legend says this enchanted potion is supposed to - oh GOD it's more troll blood. Wait this is ROYAL blood. What an absolute outrage that probably some commoner had the audacity to draw royal blood. You are ALMOST mad enough not to not give a shit.
41362	You got a JUJU!
41363	What's up with all these jujus lying around? Jujus are very wide ranging sorts of magical objects. You never know what form they'll take. This one is particularly useless though. It has the power to travel through time. Into the future only, though.
41364	You got a DERSITE TABLOID!
41365	Says some human girl is dead. You don't recognize her. Inside is the usual kind of sensationalizing sleaze you're used to seeing from these. You spent a long time on Derse during your game. You always enjoyed reading these. They were almost always about assassinations.
41366	You got a RIBBITAR!
41367	Foes everywhere tremble at the mere sight of this lethal amphibious scourge. So overwhelming is their terror that... ha ha, yeah right. This sword is almost too ridiculous for words. It's a nice conversation piece though.
41368	Hey! Get lost kid, this is MY HIDING PLACE.
41369	Can't you see English is coming for me???
41370	MEENAH: hey cape guy
41371	MEENAH: youre uh
41372	MEENAH: human whats his cape
41373	DAVE: thats exactly my name
41374	DAVE: everyone stupidly insists on calling me dave though
41375	MEENAH: so davecape
41376	MEENAH: wheres your bro
41377	DAVE: my bro
41378	DAVE: hes dead
41379	DAVE: unless you mean the kid version as in the guy we both saw with the pointy shades
41380	DAVE: remember he grabbed my sleeping teen mom and flew away and that was the last i saw of him
41381	MEENAH: no no
41382	MEENAH: not that guy
41383	MEENAH: actually i gave him a sweet high five a little while ago but thats not who i mean
41384	DAVE: what when did you give him a high five
41385	DAVE: why wasnt i informed of this high five that took place
41386	MEENAH: who cares im talking about your other bro
41387	MEENAH: the cool shouty kid who got po'd and went to clamscray the f out
41388	DAVE: oh karkat you mean
41389	DAVE: i dunno hes around
41390	DAVE: i saw him talking to his ancestor a while ago
41391	DAVE: dont think he likes him very much
41392	MEENAH: what
41393	MEENAH: shouty shouldnt be hanging out with that glubbin dork
41394	DAVE: i doubt he actually wants to but you know how it is with ancestors
41395	MEENAH: ...
41396	DAVE: ok maybe you dont since i guess youre actually an ancestor yourself
41397	DAVE: or you were to some dead girl i never met but anyway
41398	DAVE: they just seem to
41399	DAVE: i dont know
41400	DAVE: have this inexplicable power over you
41401	DAVE: i mean look at kanaya over there shes a fucking shambles about hers
41402	DAVE: like it isnt even rational or anything they just represent something you measure yourself up to
41403	DAVE: and even though they probably arent all theyre cracked up to be it just kind of gets in your head you know
41404	MEENAH: naw
41405	MEENAH: my ancestor was fuckin lame
41406	MEENAH: otoh in another tunaverse i grew up to be an ice cold murderbitch in charge of everybody which makes perfect sense
41407	MEENAH: so the only one i got to measure up to is me and it turns out i measure up awesomely
41408	DAVE: and on that day human whats his cape learned the only real treasure was a forced sense of self esteem
41409	DAVE: he thanked the punky sea princess for her radical wisdom and then she went away
41410	MEENAH: i think
41411	MEENAH: that
41412	MEENAH: maybe i was just owned?
41413	You rebubble the memory and... yes!!! People LOVE this memory. It's scoring more likes than anything you've ever bubbld! You bask in your popularity for a few days, until it all dies down. And then... nothing. A familiar feeling of emptiness returns. It is the perpetual existential malaise of the afterlife, and a nearby horrorterror feasts off your psychic despair. The hideous beast balloons to twice its former size, and issues a deep gurgle of ecstasy.
41414	DAVE: yeah i saw it
41415	DAVE: i was looking up in space doing a little monster gazing right
41416	DAVE: when suddenly i thought my glasses shattered
41417	DAVE: but it wasnt the shades turned out it was space itself that cracked
41418	DAVE: and i listened and i heard the screams and killing and stuff
41419	DAVE: havent slept well since that
41420	DAVE: well i guess im sleeping alright at the moment
41421	DAVE: cause im here in a bubble talking to you but yeah in general my shuteye has been boned up the protein chute
41422	DAVE: keeping myself busy with awesome projects helps a bit i guess
41423	MEENAH: then you must want to kill the guy even worse than me
41424	MEENAH: why dont you join me we can fly away and fuck him up together 38)
41425	DAVE: nope
41426	DAVE: appreciate the offer but im just gonna hang tight and work on my ebubbles
41427	MEENAH: e what
41428	DAVE: ebubbles theyre awesome
41429	DAVE: its just some ridiculous shit i figured out how to do here
41430	DAVE: this whole place runs on memories so ive been messing around with that
41431	DAVE: turns out i dont even really need the internet for shenanigans i can just exploit the afterlife
41432	MEENAH: the fuuuck
41433	MEENAH: i know youre down in the dumps kid but that sounds like a stupid waste of time
41434	MEENAH: now come on lets go whale on a cherub
41435	DAVE: nah
41436	DAVE: i mean
41437	DAVE: i think i might be "supposed" to kill him anyway?
41438	DAVE: thats the feeling i get like there are all these clues about that ive kinda noticed
41439	DAVE: so if i am THE GUY that needs to take him down then fine ill do that if and when i get hornswoggled into some big showdown with a ridiculous green space pimp or whatever he is
41440	DAVE: i dont know i think im not really cut out for the whole reluctant hero shtick
41441	DAVE: like the whole scene is so obvious and trite and i cant even tell if my reluctance is ironic or if im playing it straight
41442	DAVE: like ill wonder if im being reluctant enough to cut it or if im actually just being reluctant to be reluctant
41443	DAVE: it turns into like meta reluctance and then all i can think about is how fucking stupid the whole thing is
41444	DAVE: i think im probably just too self aware for this hero bullshit so dont even waste your time on me
41445	MEENAH: wow
41446	MEENAH: sooooo cooooooool
41447	MEENAH: NOT
41448	You rebubble a memory and it is extremely well received by your followers. You're on a roll here. You've been rebubbling on all cylinders lately, and it's been attracting quite a lot of attention. You have more followers than you know what to do with. Keep it up! If you can manage to get everyone in the afterlife to follow you, the dark gods will grant you the boon of resurrection.
41449	DAVE: wait
41450	DAVE: you want to "be me"?
41451	MEENAH: yeah why not
41452	DAVE: ok well without getting too deep into the issue of how absurd that request is on the very face of it
41453	DAVE: its just not going to happen
41454	DAVE: i mean not yet anyway not this early in your little dream bubble quest you got going on here
41455	MEENAH: shut up dawg just lemme walk around as you and stuff
41456	DAVE: no
41457	MEENAH: why
41458	DAVE: i really dont think we should get too meta about this
41459	DAVE: just
41460	DAVE: look
41461	DAVE: youre on a mission to gather up all your dead friends and build an army or something
41462	DAVE: personally i think thats a shitty idea but you are clearly motivated to do that
41463	MEENAH: yea
41464	DAVE: so why would you waste time going around "being other people" it doesnt make any fucking sense
41465	DAVE: for instance you cant be anybody in this fucking sandy beach area because ostenibly youre just charging through this place looking for your friends
41466	DAVE: dammit try to play the part at least somewhat
41467	MEENAH: aw man
41468	DAVE: maybe when you catch up with your posse you can be some of those guys
41469	DAVE: hell maybe you can be some of us too after the whole thing youre trying to do winds up being this huge predictable disappointment
41470	DAVE: but that would have to be in a different area
41471	MEENAH: what area
41472	DAVE: like a different goddamn bubble zone
41473	DAVE: like someones memory of a magic fucking forest or home village or some shit
41474	DAVE: i dont know just somewhere the fuck else
41475	DAVE: now go away
41476	MEENAH: FIN-E
41477	You rebubble the memory and are about to get on with your day, when you notice something weird in your feed. It seems like a spamghost has hacked your soul, and has been rebubbling weird advertisements to your followers for the last... 50 MILLION SWEEPS??? This is a disaster. You have almost no followers left. Most of the ads are for gross horrorterror porn and flagella erectile medication. ugh
41478	You got a WHOLE STACK OF BOONDOLLARS!
41479	Keep em coming! You'll be rich again in no time. Pretty soon you'll own this place. Right after you save it from destruction, of course.
41480	You got a WHOLE HEAP OF BOONDOLLARS!
41481	You got a RAGRIPPER!
41482	A popular model from the DEMONBANE line of chainsaws. At least, it was popular on Alternia. Your planet wasn't nearly badass enough for this thing to be sold legally. Beforus was so lame.
41483	You got a JUJU!
41484	Looks like a magic EGG TIMER, which you can use to travel through time, haphazardly and stupidly. It's the type of item that's severely prone to making a mess of the timeline. Need a JUJU BREAKER to destroy such an item and repair the damage it's done. But that kind of thing is extremely rare-to-non-existent. You don't have a single good guess what form such an item could take.
41485	You got some AUTHENTIC RELIGIOUS MEMORABILIA!
41486	These were the doodads adult post-scratch Vantas was chained up with when he died. You bet Serket would fork over a ton of gold for this junk. Religious nuts are some of the biggest suckers around.
41487	You got a PAIR OF HORNS!
41488	This is the most ridiculous thing you've ever seen. Why would anyone want to wear a second pair of horns? Unless maybe they were compensating for a particularly nubby pair... oh, you got it! Humans wear these to pretend to be trolls, and also be less stupid looking. These clearly belonged to a human.
41489	You got a LANCE!
41490	Who's memory is this? This thing has really made the rounds. Let's see, Tavros had it, but then was impaled by it. The Black Queen had it, and used it as a cigarette holder sometimes, when she was Snowman. Spades Slick wielded it while riding around on a horse hitcher once. Snowman killed Quarters with it, you think. That happened in the top banner though, so you might have missed it...
41491	You got a SUFFERER PENDANT!
41492	Exhibiting the Sign of the Signless. The story of the Sufferer got really popular among your old crew as a kind of religious fad, after everyone died and learned the stories of their post-scratch lives. Aranea especially seems to have bought into this nonsense hook line and sinker. She never wore anything like that around her neck BEFORE she died. You wonder if people have gotten so into it just to bug Vantas? You just know it probably pisses him off, seeing people wear this thing all the time.
41493	Hey, it's shouty! But it looks like he's severely embroiled in a really heavy discussion with your team's Vantas. You really don't feel like getting involved.
41494	Listen in on conversation?
41495	KANKRI: N9w I realize we've 6een at this f9r s9me time already, 6ut at the risk 9f derailing the dial9gue y9u initiated, and may I just say h9w thrilled I am that y9u did, Karkat, I w9uld just like qualify my entire analysis 9f y9ur "Alternian culture" 6y saying that in c9ntrast with life 9n 6ef9rus, while y9ur pe9ple may have 6een engaged in vi9lent, lethal class struggle f9r milli9ns 9f sweeps, 6y n9 means d9es this imply that the 6ef9ran way 9f life was entirely with9ut pr96lematic elements, perhaps even m9re distur6ing and insidi9us f9r their lack 9f ackn9wledgement and 9pen discussi9n, particularly as a c9nsequence 9f what in my view were widely and dismayingly unexamined systemic s9cial injustices resulting fr9m the entrenched p9wer dynamics in play, dynamics strikingly similar t9 th9se 9f y9ur planet's markedly m9re 6ellic9se iterati9n, which has 9nly served t9 fully vindicate my hyp9thesis that such a hierarchy is really predicated 9n intrinsic dysfuncti9n, and failure t9 shift all the usual narratives and undiagn9sed pr96lems int9 an 9pen, judgment-free disc9urse thr9ugh which pr96lematic issues are c9nstructively channeled int9 m9re intelligently pr96lematized avenues 9f discussi9n.
41496	KANKRI: N9w 6ef9re I c9ntinue, it is 9nly decent 9f me t9 warn y9u a69ut certain triggers that are surely ahead in this essay. I mean c9nversati9n. Triggers include 6ut likely will n9t 6e limited t9 class 9ppressi9n, culling culture and vi9lence against gru6s, lusus a6use, c9mplementary and anal9g9us hate speech, pail filling, slurries and 9ther c9ncupiscent fluids, lifespan shaming, a6leist slurs, pr9lix dissertation... Actually, may6e it w9uld 6e easier f9r y9u t9 list y9ur triggers, and I'll d9 my 6est t9 av9id th9se t9pics, 9r navigate them m9re delicately, if at all p9ssi6le?
41497	KARKAT:
41498	KANKRI: Great. It s9unds like y9u d9n't have any triggers, at least n9ne that y9u kn9w a69ut. I'll pr9ceed with cauti9n nevertheless. Just please let me kn9w if y9u start feeling triggered 6y anything I'm saying, and we can take a 6rief time-9ut while y9u summ9n y9ur m9irail t9 help pacify y9u, assuming y9u have 9ne. N9t that I'm presuming y9u d9, 6ut I heard that y9u did, is that c9rrect? If n9t, I ap9l9gize. I further ap9l9gize if y9ur 9rientati9n precludes the p9ssi6ility, as a pale ar9mantic, panquadrant demir9mantic, s9mething in the gray palesexual department 9r such, and h9pefully y9u are n9t triggered 6y such presumptu9us c9ncillian9rmative language. It w9uldn't 6e the first time I was guilty 9f such an inexcusa6le micr9aggressi9n, and I am n9t s9 96livi9us t9 my 9wn r9mantic privilege t9 6elieve it will 6e the last time either.
41499	KARKAT:
41500	KANKRI: I'm glad I 6r9ught up the su6ject 9f unexamined privilege, 6ecause it d9vetails 6eautifully with the p9int I was a69ut t9 make regarding 6ef9ran s9ciety and its savage um6ral p9tentiality which later manifested thr9ugh the kind 9f Alternian 6rutality y9u are all t99 familiar with. Th9se in the higher echel9ns 9f the hem9spectrum such as the ceruleans, 9r "6lue 6l99ds" (careful, 6eing l99se with such termin9l9gy is 9pening the fl99dgates t9 a wh9le h9st 9f t9xic signist language and hem9ph96ic slurs), when addressing the challenges faced 6y th9se l9wer 9n the spectrum, such as the midhues 9r in particular warm castes like um6ers, 9chres, 9r "rust 6l99ds" (an9ther slur, highly pr96lematic, deeply 9ffensive and triggering termin9l9gy, str9ngly impl9ring y9u steer clear 9f this term), they w9uld 6e well advised t9 check their cerulean privilege, particularly 6ef9re dismissing hardships 9r marginalizing claims 9f 9ppressi9n, which can 6e difficult f9r them t9 identify 9r empathize with fr9m their advantage9us p9siti9n within the 6ef9ran//Alternian p9wer structures.
41501	KARKAT:
41502	KANKRI: And s9me may argue that in 9ur peaceful "ut9pian" culture that we have freed 9urselves fr9m injustice and disparities in privilege in a p9st-scarcity ec9n9my, largely equal rights distri6uted acr9ss the hem9spectrum, and theref9re exist in a "p9st-spectral w9rld" (laugh 9ut l9ud), and theref9re there is n9 need t9 champi9n imp9rtant s9cial causes and there is n9thing left t9 de6ate, 6ut really n9thing c9uld 6e further fr9m the truth. Y9u just need t9 educate y9urself and carefully investigate the l9ngstanding p9wer dynamics in play. F9r instance, a seemingly "harmless" remark fr9m a cis6l99ded cerulean t9ward an um6er 9r G9d f9r6id a 6urgundy 9r yes even a warm-identifying physically-c99ler caste, a69ut their very l9ng term future plans such as 9n the 9rder 9f centuries, then this may pr9ve t9 6e a very hurtful micr9agressi9n due t9 the fact that l9whues cann9t p9ssi6ly live that l9ng themselves, and the m9re priviliged caste c9uld easily 9utlive d9zens 9f generati9ns 9f midhues 9r hundreds 9f generati9ns 9f 6U9Ys (6urgundy-um6er-9chre-yell9wgreens, n9te please av9id descri6ing the latterm9st as "lime 6l99ds" as it has hist9rically 6een used as an especially vici9us epithet). Such remarks can further trigger painful reminders 9f h9w c99ler castes, t9 s9me extent 9JAs, 6ut CIPs and R9yal-Vs in particular, have 6een a6le t9 use their tremend9us lifespans 9ver the millenia t9 gain a strangleh9ld 9ver the s9cial 9rder, have 6een a6le t9 c9mpletely dictate 9ur s9cietal ev9luti9n 6y ensuring 9nly their cultural agendas and narratives receive the dial9gue's air supply, assuring the c9dificati9n 9f th9se resultant ideals and deciding what "n9rmalcy" entails, and sadly these a6s9lutes 6ec9me internalized acr9ss the full spectral range, even within th9se 9f m9st c9mpr9mised privilege, and s9 y9u 6egin t9 see the cyclical nature 9f the dysfuncti9n and the resulting inertia against p9sitive change and raising awareness 9f the m9st underpr96lematized issues, which I think we can agree, is pretty pr96lematic.
41503	KARKAT:
41504	KANKRI: And really, it's every9ne's 6usiness t9 examine their privilege, even 6urgundies, wh9 may 6e su6ject t9 the pitfall 9f 6elieving inc9rrectly there are n9ne 9n the scale 6eneath them wh9m they enj9y certain privileges 9ver, which 9ff-spectrum tr9lls will never kn9w, such as th9se identifying as 9ther6l99ds 9r caste-multiples, "p9ly6l99ded", any wh9 hem9gl96ically ID as having a caste which manifests n9where (as yet kn9wn) in any9ne physically, 9r f9r that matter 9ffspecs wh9 physically d9 p9ssess such a 6l99d type, 9r "mutants" (VERY pr96lematic term, highly triggering t9 s9me, 6e warned), such as y9u and I, Karkat. 6ut this puts us 69th in a situati9n which t9 9ur kn9wledge uniquely all9ws us t9 understand and empathize with tragically underprivileged and unemp9wered gr9ups acr9ss all scuttles 9f life, thus aff9rding us 69th what I like t9 call a "uniquely underprivileged privilege", which, yes, is a kind 9f privilege we sh9uld 69th strive t9 check as well, whenever we can. This same uniquely underprivileged perspective as I'm sure y9u kn9w was disadvantaged up9n my p9st-scratch iterati9n as well, and while I have n9 d9u6t y9u justifia6ly came t9 revere that figure 9f y9ur planet's rich hist9ry and y9ur pers9nal lineage, and while his g9als 9f peace, equality, and a truly spectra6lind s9ciety, I'm afraid I pers9nally have tr9u6le c9nd9ning his meth9ds. I d9n't like t9 use the term "pr96lematic" lightly, 6ut, well, his tactics were n9thing if n9t massively pr96lematic, t9 say the least, empl9ying vi9lent uprising t9 effect change, and em6laz9ning his mark up9n hist9ry and his faithful f9ll9wers with the salty fl9urish 9f a single rude, sh9uted swear w9rd, it's n9t t9 my taste even th9ugh he is wh9 I w9uld have gr9wn up t9 6e in an9ther life. 6ut n9, I prefer t9 effect s9cial change thr9ugh rati9nal, h9nest disc9urse and c9ntri6uting t9 9ng9ing dial9gues, f9cusing 9n what sh9uld 6e the real g9als, thr9ugh keen adherence t9 the discipline 9f Pr96lematics, ensuring that we stay f9cused 9n successfully pr96lematizing a wide range 9f direly underc9mplicated s9cial dilemmas.
41505	KARKAT:
41506	KANKRI: It's nice t9 see we agree 9n s9 much. May6e we are n9t s9 unalike, despite 9ur drastically different up6ringings. Anyway, as I was saying, the st9ry 9f y9ur ancest9r, and m9re imp9rtantly my exhaustive list 9f misgivings with his appr9ach t9 s9cial change, is quite a l9ng and ela69rate 9ne, 6ut it actually fits 6rilliantly within the larger m9saic which captures the 6r9ad str9kes 9f my p9st. I mean 9ur discussi9n. Trigger warnings f9r the f9ll9wing c9ntent include: ancest9r 6ashing, faith shaming, l9ud swearing, t9rture, 6urn w9unds, ship sinking... again, seri9usly, just let me kn9w if y9u 6egin t9 feel triggered 6y anything, even slightly. We'll pause and see if we can really expl9re th9se issues, and identify exactly h9w I may have invalidated y9ur struggles. With9ut further ad9, the st9ry is as f9ll9ws:
41507	KARKAT:
41508	KARKAT:
41509	Oops. That memory you just rebubbld was in violation of the furthest ring's content policy. The administrators (horrorterrors) have suspended your soul and you are now blocked from rebubbling memories (unless you really want to).
41510	You got a PRETZELED HORSE HITCHER!
41511	Who could have done this to such a fine, cast iron steed? Whoever it was must have been incredibly strong, incredibly smug, and incredibly floppy when shaken.
41512	You got a TROLL ROMANCE NOVEL!
41513	Wow, this sure is some steamy, trashy literature here. It's making you perspire a little, and you're only three sentences into the title. Doesn't seem like anyone's looking. Maybe you'll just take one little peek insi... Whoops, it just disappeared in a blur again. God damn it.
41514	You got a MAGIC CUE BALL!
41515	Hey, is this thing a juju too? It's a shame you can't see through its surface, or you'd be able to ask it yourself. This is another thing that's kind of unnerving to find here. Good thing it's only a memory object, right?
41516	You got a REGISICKLE!
41517	Perfect for threshing royalty with. You could almost say you could use it to... thresh princes.
41518	You got a bunch of LICORICE SCOTTIE DOGS!
41519	Oh man, these were a DELICACY on your planet. The most valuable treat per-pound by far. You have to be a very, very wealthy person to keep a great supply of these on hand. By selling these, you should be able to make most of your fortune back in one fell swoop!!!!!
41520	LATULA: d4mn grrrrl!!!!
41521	LATULA: you f1n4lly m4d3 1t! h1gh f1v3!!!
41522	MEENAH: you know it
41523	MEENAH: i am so fuckin ghostly now
41524	LATULA: r1ght on grl!!!! dr34m bubz rul3!
41525	LATULA: 4-l1f3 4LYF3!!!
41526	MEENAH: wha
41527	LATULA: 4h4h4 y34h. th4t should h4v3 sound3d l1k3 "4 l1f3 for lyf3" l1k3 'A' 4s 1n 4ft3r, but spok3n 4s 4 numb3r, th3n '4' 4s 4 homonym for th3 pr3pos1t1on 4nd stuff!!!!
41528	LATULA: you know how 1t 1s. 4 grlz gott4 s4cr1f1c3 und3rst4nd4b1l1ty for th3 s4k3 of r4dn3ss som3t1m3z.
41529	MEENAH: preach1n to the group of coral s1ngers pyrope
41530	LATULA: cor4l s1ng3rs? oh you m34n cho1r, 1 g3t 1t!!! but cor4l 4s 1n th3 funky sh1t und3rw4t3r 1nst34d, h4h4h?
41531	LATULA: st1ll rock1ng th3 f1sh punz 1 s33. w3ll th4ts not r34lly th3 k1nd of r4dn3ss 1 w4s t4lk1ng 4bout, but 1ll l3t 1t sl1d3.
41532	MEENAH: hey fuck you!
41533	MEENAH: cant B-ELI-EV-E yall go shitting on my fish puns right outta the blowhole like that
41534	MEENAH: as if your numbers bs and jacking zees on the end a words is any more rad than my baller wordplay
41535	MEENAH: i mean your skating and stunts are objectively rad ill give you that
41536	MEENAH: but you need to get off your high seahorse because practically NOFIN else about you is especially radder than average
41537	LATULA: oh ch1ll AX3, p4ych3ck!!! 1 4m so j3rk1ng your fork!
41538	LATULA: 1 know w3v3 h4d our 1ssu3z b3for3. but 1 could 4lw4ys s33 you h4d tru r4dgrl cr3d. you dont 3v3n know how h4rd 1t w4s tow1ng th3 R4D LO4D 4ll by mys3lf w1th you gon3 for so long!!!!
41539	LATULA: do you 3v3n know how l4m3 of 4 sc3n3 1t 1s b31ng th3 only l3g1t 1n your f4c3 pow3rg4m1ng grl 1n 4 bunch of bubbl3s full of brut4l pos3rz???
41540	LATULA: wh4t 1m s4y1ng 1s, 1m psych3d to h4v3 you b4ck mp. h3y h1t m3 up top!
41541	MEENAH: uh sure
41542	MEENAH: still wearing out the highfives i sea even after like what
41543	MEENAH: eternity?
41544	LATULA: fuck y34h grl.
41545	LATULA: OH!!!!
41546	LATULA: n3v3r 3v3n got to congr4tul4t3 you on how W1CK3D your r4d su1c1d3 bomb pl4n w4s! >8D
41547	LATULA: n3v3r s4w 1t com1ng!!!! sur3 n3v3r sm3ll3d 1t com1ng, h3h.
41548	LATULA: w4y sm4rt. t1m1ng 1t just b3for3 th3 scr4tch, so th4t god t13rz d1dnt h4v3 4 ch4nc3 to r3v1v3 b3for3 th3 r3s3t, thus 1ron1c4lly l34v1ng th3m to b3 3r4s3d from 3x1st3nc3.
41549	LATULA: th4t JUST occurr3d to m3 r3c3ntly. wuz op3n1ng th3 m34l v4ult to m4k3 4 fr34k1n ghost sn4ck wh3n 1 wuz l1k3. SH1T!!!!
41550	LATULA: P444444YCH3CK!!! 1 s41d, 4ll sh4k1ng my f1st.
41551	LATULA: h4h4h4, dont l34v3 m3 h4ng1n grl. >8D
41552	MEENAH: k one more pyrope but thats it
41553	MEENAH: i dig a good highfive as much as the next badgirl but my cod
41554	MEENAH: got this fresh pimp ghost bod looking fine as fuck i dont need to callous up my palms already
41555	MEENAH: havent you heard an empress needs hands so soft you can use em to polish gold with???
41556	You rebubble the memory but before you do... YOU SHIT ALL OVER IT! You really rip into the original author of the memory, and treat it to a scathing review. You don't have much to say that's original, and you don't feel very good about yourself, so you might as well base your entire afterlife presence on hostile smear tactics to get attention for yourself that you would struggle to attract otherwise. The horrorterrors refer to you as The Chosen One, and fantasize about you when they copulate.
41557	MEENAH: question
41558	LATULA: shoot b4b3z.
41559	MEENAH: seeing as what a hot shit gamer gurl you have a reputation for and all
41560	MEENAH: i figured you would be a lock to join my party
41561	MEENAH: to go fuck up clamilord or whoever
41562	LATULA: w41t. who???
41563	MEENAH: skull guy
41564	MEENAH: kills ghosts
41565	LATULA: 3rrr nop3. h3lp m3 out p4ymon3y.
41566	MEENAH: dont you keep up with current events
41567	LATULA: tchhh, your3 r3m1nd1ng m3 why 1 thought you w3r3 cr4zy mp. just fr34k1n sp1ll 1t.
41568	MEENAH: the shit in the sky
41569	MEENAH: it cracked
41570	MEENAH: a monster did that
41571	MEENAH: DO YOU WANT TO GO )(-ELP M-E KILL T)(-E BAD GUY???????
41572	LATULA: oh why d1dnt you s4y so!!!
41573	LATULA: sounds l1k3 4 r4d pl4n 4nd you know how 1 f33l 4bout th3 r4dpl4nz....
41574	MEENAH: but??
41575	LATULA: h4t3 to b3 4 buzzk1ll but... 1ts b33n wh4t.
41576	LATULA: 4pprox1m4t3ly H3LLA y34rz s1nc3 1 d1d 4ny f1ght1ng????
41577	LATULA: k1nd of rusty. sh1t dont l3t kk know 1 s41d rusty, 4h4h4.
41578	MEENAH: so
41579	LATULA: so 1m s4y1ng 1 h4d SCADZ of t1m3 to p3rf3ct th1s K1LL3R HAND PLANT!!! >8D
41580	LATULA: w4nn4 s3333?
41581	MEENAH: no pretty sure dont give much a shit about a trick you do on your four wheel device
41582	MEENAH: tho i will say
41583	MEENAH: "scads" is actually a fish pun you made probly on accident
41584	MEENAH: which kind of makes me want to give you a hug so it balances out your dumb shit answer
41585	LATULA: 1m sorry mp. 1 r34lly 4m!!! f33l l1k3 such 4 w3t snuggl3pl4n3 b41l1ng on you l1k3 th1s.
41586	LATULA: 1 should prob4bly run 1t by mt. s33 wh4t h3 th1nks.
41587	MEENAH: oh shit you and captor
41588	MEENAH: thats still a thing after all this pseudotime or
41589	LATULA: h4h4 y3444h.
41590	MEENAH: still red??????
41591	LATULA: uh huh. >8]
41592	MEENAH: mother glubber
41593	MEENAH: seriously didnt think T)(ATD last
41594	LATULA: 1dk, th3r3z w4y mor3 to h1m th4n. w3ll, 4ll th3 t3rr1bl3 4nd stup1d sh1t h3 s4ys 4ll th3 t1m3.
41595	LATULA: 4nd 1ts 4lw4yz f3lt l1k3 h3 n33ds m3 1f th4t m4k3s s3ns3, 3v3n 4ft3r dy1ng. so th3r3z th4t!!!!
41596	MEENAH: fuckin afterlife
41597	MEENAH: i know im new here but
41598	MEENAH: almost seems like
41599	MEENAH: you die and nothing means anyfin and then you date forever
41600	MEENAH: sort of makes me want to puke
41601	LATULA: >;D
41602	MEENAH: couldnt see that wink behind your radspex fyi
41603	MEENAH: if you change your mind
41604	MEENAH: just lemminnow
41605	You accidentally rebubble this memory to the wrong feed. It turns out to be badly off topic, and you lose a couple followers. You immediately dispatch another bubble specifically to tell them to go fuck themselves.
41606	LATULA: grl, who DO3SNT w4nt to b3 m3???
41607	LATULA: you th1nk you c4n just w4ltz 1nto th1s bubbl3 4nd st4rt b31ng 4ny r4d g4m3r grl you cross p4thz w1th????
41608	LATULA: chy34h, R1GHT! you h4v3 4 long, LONG w4y to go b3for3 you 34rn 3nough r4d-cr3dz to b3 M3. or 4s 1 l1k3 to c4ll th3m, CRADZ.
41609	MEENAH: latula shut up and just tell me what horseshit thing you want me to do
41610	LATULA: 1ts gonn4 cost y4!
41611	LATULA: you h4v3 to 'l1k3' 4ll my r4dd3st m3mor13z, 4nd th3n r3bubbl3 4t l34st 413 of th3m.
41612	MEENAH: you can NOT be serious
41613	LATULA: H4H4H4H4H4H4!
41614	MEENAH: kay tules im outtie
41615	LATULA: w41t! dont b3 l1k3 th4t, w3 c4n st1ll cut 4 d34l, l3mm3 th1nk.
41616	LATULA: 4lr1ght, k1d. t3ll you wh4t. s1nc3 1 d1g your styl3, 1ll g1v3 you 4 shot.
41617	LATULA: you m4y th1nk you rul3, wh3r34z most oth3rs drool, but wh4t 1 w4nt to know 1s, how b4d c4n you THR4SH stuff?
41618	LATULA: just n33d to scop3 your k1ckfl1p chopz, m4k3 sur3 3v3ryth1ng ch3cks out. s33 1f your t3chn1qu3s 4r3 wh3r3 th3y n33dz to b3 4t.
41619	MEENAH: kickflip chops
41620	LATULA: y34h grl. show m3 y3r stuntz. m4yb3 som3th1ng 1n 4 h4ndpl4nt. ooh, know wh4t sh1t would b3 W1CK3D M4L1C1OUS?
41621	LATULA: gr1nd1ng down 4 R41L1NG!!!!
41622	LATULA: th4t ought to b3 fl4gr4nt 3nough to prov3 your r4dn3ss 4 SHOR3.
41623	LATULA: so wh4t4y4 s4y, p4ych3ck? you r34dy to st4rt r1pp1ng up so m4ny h3ll4c3ous shr3ds th4t th1s f13rc3sh1tty b1zn4sty w1ll st4rt g3tt1ng so d3l1r1ously rud3br4z3n 1t...
41624	MEENAH: just gimme the board pyrope
41625	You rebubble this memory and forget to tag it. All of your followers are severely triggered by its content. You can hear their tortured moans all the way from triggered soul purgatory, which is in the belly of an enormous beast that is so wretched, if you even glance at it, tears instantly come gushing out of your eye sockets, form a liquid boot, and kick you in the crotch.
41626	The door is locked. It appears to be guarding someone's private memories. Looks like it needs a password. You wonder who locked it?
41627	It's a little dream bubble. But it does not contain your memory. Only Porrim can see what's inside.
41628	PORRIM: Welco+me back.
41629	MEENAH: sup maryam
41630	PORRIM: So+, yo+ur death certificate has barely dried, and yo+u're already busy raising an army, I hear?
41631	MEENAH: howd you even hear that already
41632	PORRIM: Wo+rd travels fast here. Plenty o+f go+ssip.
41633	PORRIM: No+ o+ne quite prepares yo+u fo+r the fact that o+n the o+ther side o+f death is an infinite echo+ chamber o+f teen drama.
41634	PORRIM: Funny ho+w when we left o+ur wo+rld to+ play yo+ur game, we all tho+ught we were leaving o+ur juvenile scho+o+lfeeding days behind us.
41635	MEENAH: yeah
41636	MEENAH: all the more reason to get out of here and fight bad guys and stuff
41637	PORRIM: I no+ticed ho+w yo+u cunningly sidestepped an enco+unter with Kankri do+wn there.
41638	MEENAH: yeaaah
41639	MEENAH: nomoby deserves havin to meet a dead teen alt universe ancestor like that
41640	PORRIM: I think he might be entertaining so+me delusio+n o+f taking him under his wing.
41641	PORRIM: Or if no+t his wing, the red fuzzy arm o+f his sweater.
41642	MEENAH: what is with that ugly thing anyway
41643	PORRIM: I made it fo+r him, actually.
41644	PORRIM: Fo+r o+ne thing, I go+t tired o+f lo+o+king at his stupid hiked up pants, which he refused to+ change, ever. Serio+usly, did yo+u ever see him wearing anything else?
41645	MEENAH: haha no
41646	PORRIM: So+ unfashio+nable.
41647	PORRIM: Also+, he was always shivering. It gets kind o+f chilly o+ut here, and he just wo+uldn't sto+p. No+t that I minded to+o+ much, but he just has this way o+f making such vo+cal and o+stentatio+us displays o+f suffering, like it's so+me kind o+f righteo+us state o+f being. It gets difficult fo+r everyo+ne to+ endure, especially after eo+ns. Hence his nickname, I guess.
41648	MEENAH: wait nickname
41649	MEENAH: if theres some new dig on vantas i need to know about it pronto
41650	PORRIM: The Insufferable.
41651	MEENAH: fuck yes highfive
41652	MEENAH: wait forget it my hands still sore from latula
41653	MEENAH: bitch slaps )(ARD
41654	PORRIM: Oh, I kno+w.
41655	MEENAH: you do
41656	MEENAH: wait that is soundin fishily like innuendo
41657	MEENAH: you and her ever uh
41658	PORRIM: I was under the impressio+n yo+u didn't co+me here to+ start trading go+ssip.
41659	MEENAH: whoa youre right
41660	MEENAH: almost forgot to not be glubbin a fuck
41661	MEENAH: i apologize for prying into your romlife that was so shrimpudent of me
41662	PORRIM: It's alright. It's no+t like I have many well kept secrets.
41663	PORRIM: Co+me visit any time. We'll get yo+u all caught up o+n exactly who+'s been seen passing thro+ugh the well-greased revo+lving do+o+rs to+ my quadrants.
41664	You rebubble this memory and one guy who follows you decides to be a huge pain in the ass for some reason. He baits you into a publicly rebubbled argument which lasts all day. When it's finally over, you look back at the meaningless exchange and ask yourself "what am I doing with my life?" By which of course you mean death.
41665	PORRIM: It's a no+ble idea.
41666	PORRIM: But I do+n't kno+w ho+w useful I'd be.
41667	MEENAH: oh come praaaaawn 38[
41668	PORRIM: What's the size o+f yo+ur party so+ far?
41669	MEENAH: uh
41670	PORRIM: It's still just yo+u, isn't it?
41671	MEENAH: ... maybe
41672	PORRIM: If I were yo+u, I'd ask all the go+d tiers first. They'd give yo+u the mo+st tactical advantage, wo+uldn't they?
41673	PORRIM: Then yo+u can build yo+ur co+alitio+n aro+und them.
41674	MEENAH: i guess
41675	PORRIM: +, they're immo+rtal, right? Or... gho+st immo+rtal, perhaps?
41676	PORRIM: Dear Go+d, it's finally co+me to+ this. We have to+ talk abo+ut "gho+st immo+rtality" no+w, in a serio+us way?
41677	MEENAH: lol yeah
41678	PORRIM: Anyway, that's what I'd do+.
41679	MEENAH: but i think the thing is the skull lord might actually be able to kill god tiers?
41680	PORRIM: Can he?
41681	MEENAH: like bypass the whole judgment hullabeluga that makes em resurrect
41682	MEENAH: you know with the fancy clock and all
41683	MEENAH: i dunno
41684	PORRIM: Yo+u'll have to+ ask Aranea. I'm sure she co+uld talk yo+ur fin o+ff o+n the subject.
41685	MEENAH: oof
41686	MEENAH: yeah maybe later
41687	PORRIM: Do+ yo+u even kno+w who+ all the go+d tiers are?
41688	MEENAH: um
41689	PORRIM: There's Aranea. Did yo+u ask her?
41690	MEENAH: yeah but she has her own plan
41691	MEENAH: girl is going on a cherub jam or some bitch ass noise
41692	PORRIM: Ok. Well, I ho+pe this isn't to+o+ invasive, but what abo+ut yo+u?
41693	MEENAH: ...
41694	PORRIM: I've heard rumo+rs that yo+u reached go+d tier, but never let o+n to+ anyo+ne.
41695	MEENAH: you dont understand
41696	MEENAH: its just that fucking thief of life getup
41697	MEENAH: i couldnt just parade around in that hideous thing
41698	PORRIM: So+ it is true, then. Tho+ught so+.
41699	PORRIM: See what I mean, tho+ugh? I wasn't sure abo+ut that until just no+w. Rumo+rs are always flying, but secrets so+meho+w persist.
41700	PORRIM: Who+ kno+ws who+ else reached go+d tier? A lo+t can happen in three sweeps. I o+nly kno+w I didn't make it.
41701	PORRIM: But if yo+u need so+meo+ne to+ eerily pho+spho+resce in the demo+n's vicinity, while debating whether to+ try drinking his blo+o+d, then I'd like to+ think I easily crack the to+p 10+ candidates yo+u might co+nsider fo+r the jo+b.
41702	MEENAH: yeah i know youd rock the glowin duties
41703	MEENAH: guess youre right i should sea what other god tiers want to join
41704	MEENAH: the prob is that i dont think becoming god tier stops you from being lame and terrible
41705	MEENAH: and we got a lot of people like that on our team
41706	PORRIM: This is true.
41707	MEENAH: guess ill keep axin around
41708	MEENAH: gonna bounce seaya meryam
41709	You rebubble this memory and it receives many comments. None of the comments appear to be made by people who have had any education whatsoever.
41710	It's a little dream bubble, containing one of your memories. You look inside.
41711	The memory is from right here, on Prospit. You spent a great deal of time there during the long sweeps of your session. You remember this little precipice well.
41712	But... wasn't there a staircase here? You are almost positive there were stairs.
41713	PORRIM: Kanny, leave this po+o+r kid alo+ne.
41714	KANKRI: I'd appreciate it if y9u w9uldn't call me that. We've talked a69ut this. That's what y9u call a wiggler. D9 I l99k like a wiggler t9 y9u, P9rrim? N9, I d9n't. It's 6een three sweeps, plus eternity, f9r, excuse me, "fuck's" sake. I think we can safely retire that particular term 9f "endearment". Call me anything 6ut that, even my 9ther nickname. I'm actually 9k with that 9ne.
41715	PORRIM: I'm no+t calling yo+u Insufferable, Kanny. Well, no+t unless I'm using it as an actual adjective.
41716	PORRIM: Well...
41717	KANKRI: It w9uld 6e nice if y9u'd at least use my pr9per name in fr9nt 9f my studi9us y9ung Alternian descendant. It really kind 9f er9des my credi6ility, and I d9n't need that in the pr9ximity 9f a fresh faced y9ungster wh9 clearly thirsts f9r kn9wledge. Why w9uld y9u want t9 sa69tage a fine y9ung man's educati9n like that?
41718	PORRIM: Ro+lling my eyes here.
41719	PORRIM: Can yo+u see? Do+ yo+u want me to+ light them up fo+r yo+u?
41720	KANKRI: N9, 6ut thanks f9r 9ffering. C9uld y9u g9 r9ll them 9ver there? Thank y9u. N9w where was I.
41721	PORRIM: I do+n't think he cares.
41722	PORRIM: Hey, there. Karkat? If yo+u do+n't mind my asking... are yo+u even remo+tely interested in the lo+af supplement this guy's serving?
41723	KARKAT:
41724	PORRIM: Go+tcha. Yo+u just said all yo+u needed to+ say.
41725	PORRIM: Yo+u kno+w, yo+u are actually very cute.
41726	PORRIM: That girl who+'s been wandering aro+und in the drago+n suit is a very lucky lady.
41727	KANKRI: 9k, w9nderful. That c9nversati9n just came t9 an end.
41728	KANKRI: P9rrim, please d9n't hit 9n my re699ted kid ancest9r-descendant. It's really weird. N9t t9 menti9n, he l99ks exactly like me? I mean, kind 9f 96vi9usly? S9 when y9u're hitting 9n him, it's like y9u're hitting 9n me at the exact same time, which like I said. It's weird.
41729	KANKRI: N9t t9 get int9 all this again, 6ut the th9ught 9f dating y9u... it's just a strange and vaguely 9ffputting idea. N9 9ffense. It alm9st makes me understand at a visceral level the 6izarre human anathema 9f incest, which is s9mething I can't really explain. I'm just saying.
41730	PORRIM: (Very deep sigh.)
41731	KANKRI: I'm S9RRY, 9k? I'm s9rry that I am, perhaps literally, the 9nly 9ne n9t t9 ever fall prey t9 y9ur tireless 9mnidirecti9nal s9licitati9ns, 9r t9 get swept up in 9ne 9f y9ur innumera6le flushed 9r caligin9us flings. I happened t9 always prefer y9u as a friend, and in any case, I always preferred t9 lead a relatively chaste existence, as it keeps me f9cused 9n fighting 9n 6ehalf 9f truly imp9rtant pr96lems. Alth9ugh staying "relatively" chaste t9 y9u I supp9se is n9t saying much.
41732	PORRIM: ...
41733	KANKRI: 9nce again, I ap9l9gize. I've 6lundered int9 the pr96lematic territ9ry 9f vacillati9n shaming, thus 9pening the fl99dgates t9 the myriad ways 9ne may 6e disadvantaged up9n 6y its staggering shame radius. I f9rg9t t9 check my piety privilege, and here we are. I was g9ing t9 c9ver this t9pic in a much later chapter 9f my lecture, 6ut we've g9tten 6adly derailed here.
41734	KANKRI: Karkat, I'm s9rry f9r this interrupti9n. I pr9mise I'll get 6ack t9 my critical lecture as s99n as this pr9miscu9us 6usy69dy leaves us in peace.
41735	KARKAT:
41736	PORRIM: Yes, critical lecture. I'm sure.
41737	PORRIM: And am I right in being just as sure yo+u are assiduo+usly deco+nstructing every co+nceivable, hypo+thetical fo+rm o+f injustice no+ matter ho+w o+bscure, except tho+se that I happen to+ think are kind o+f impo+rtant?
41738	KANKRI: N9. Just, n9, P9rrim. We're n9t d9ing this.
41739	KANKRI: I am n9t g9ing t9 p9llute Karkat's utterly imperative crash c9urse, in which he is intr9duced t9 the A6S9LUTE 6ASICS, 6y indulging in y9ur pet issues.
41740	PORRIM: Yes, ho+w dreadful it wo+uld be fo+r yo+ur sixty nine millio+n wo+rd essay to+ get bo+gged do+wn by even the faintest reference to+ the ro+les o+f gender in Befo+ran and Alternian civilizatio+n.
41741	KANKRI: L99k, it's n9t that I'm insensitive t9 y9ur c9ncerns 9n that t9pic. I'm interested t9 discuss them with y9u 9n an academic, primarily the9retical level.
41742	PORRIM: Theo+retical?
41743	KANKRI: I just think there is inherent danger in muddying the waters 9f disc9urse 6y intr9ducing s9cial issues which are suspect at 6est, thus c9nsuming crucial res9urces fr9m the limited cache 9f rhet9ric which pr9pels these narratives. And furtherm9re, 9ne c9uld argue it's m9re than a little pr96lematic, 9ffensive even, f9r y9u t9 6e appr9priating the lexic9n 9f sensitivity used t9 advance awareness 9f maj9r issues, thus reducing it t9 the level 6uzzspeak and pseud9science. It makes it m9re difficult f9r th9se 9f us wh9 are genuinely f9cused 9n p9sitive change t9 6e taken seri9usly, that's all.
41744	PORRIM: Appro+priating??
41745	PORRIM: PSEUDOSCIENCE???
41746	KANKRI: I'm s9rry, I just d9n't think there's much there. We aren't like humans, wh9se species 6izarrely en9ugh includes highly specialized r9les f9r 69th sexes in the pr9cess 9f repr9ducti9n, and s9 this naturally had s9cial ramificati9ns f9r the way their civilizati9n ev9lved. 6ut that's n9t h9w it w9rks f9r us, s9 I fail t9 see h9w gender fact9rs int9 the discussi9n in a way that can 6e effectively and rati9nally pr96lematized. Where is the r99m f9r unexamined privilege in the dich9t9my? I d9n't see it. And appr9priating the talking p9ints and awareness-raising tactics f9r du6i9us issues like this is, frankly, fr9wned up9n, t9 put it p9litely. Such appr9priative gestures 9nly serve t9 marginalize and invalidate th9se su6ject t9 seri9us, real life struggles and 9ppressi9n, and I guess I'm a little disapp9inted t9 see y9u 6eing s9 6lithely and inappr9priately appr9priat9ry.
41747	PORRIM: Kanny, I'm starting to+ feel just a little bit triggered by all this "appro+priatio+n" bullshit.
41748	KANKRI: 9h! My sincere ap9l9gies. I sh9uld have d9ne a 6etter j96 tagging my statements, 6ut f9r future reference, it's helpful t9 alert y9ur c9nversati9nal partners t9 y9ur triggers well in advance. Sh9uld I g9 fetch y9ur m9irail t9 help settle y9u d9wn? And if s9, wh9 exactly w9uld 6e filling that quadrant t9day?
41749	PORRIM: Alright. Obvio+usly yo+u're in o+ne o+f yo+ur bratty mo+o+ds. I'm go+ne.
41750	KANKRI: D9n't 6e like that. Really, we can talk a69ut whatever y9u like later, and I'll 6e really sympathetic, I pr9mise. Just n9t ar9und my pupil while he is still learning.
41751	KANKRI: 9r... my descendant. What did I say? Haha. Karkat, I mean. Anyway, Karkat, again I ap9l9gize f9r that.
41752	KARKAT:
41753	KANKRI: What? Y9u want t9 6e me? What s9rt 9f n9nsense request is that?
41754	KANKRI: Can't y9u see I'm in the middle 9f a direly imp9rtant w9rd dump? I mean man-t9-man c9nversati9n with Karkat?
41755	KANKRI: I might c9nsider it if y9u asked m9re nicely. 9r at the very least, m9re "radically".
41756	PORRIM: Hey.
41757	LATULA: yo yo, w4zzup grl!!!
41758	PORRIM: Latula, it's just me. I do+n't think anyo+ne is lo+o+king. No+ need to+ go+ so+ heavy o+n the rad girl ro+utine.
41759	LATULA: y34h, gu3ss your3 r1ght. 1'll ch1ll 1t down 4 b1t.
41760	LATULA: wh4ts on your th1nk p4n, po-m4ry.
41761	PORRIM: Meeting o+ur ancesto+rs as kids, o+r, I mean o+ur descendants as kids, ho+wever yo+u want to+ spin it...
41762	PORRIM: It has me thinking abo+ut o+ur rebo+o+ted lives o+n Alternia, and what we grew up to+ be.
41763	PORRIM: Makes me wo+nder abo+ut fate. If it's so+mething that's even co+mprehensible.
41764	LATULA: y34h?
41765	PORRIM: Fo+r instance, o+n Alternia, my relatio+nship with Kankri seemed to+ make so+me sense. I co+uld definitely see o+ur lives beco+ming entangled in that way, karmically speaking.
41766	PORRIM: But then there were o+ther develo+pments that are still mysterio+us to+ me.
41767	PORRIM: Like, as far as I kno+w, yo+u and Aranea always go+t alo+ng. Didn't yo+u?
41768	LATULA: 3h 1 gu3ss. n3v3r sp3nt much t1m3 th1nk1ng 4bout s3rk3t, tbh.
41769	LATULA: 4lw4ys thought sh3 w4s 4 s3lf 4bsorb3d snooz3, 1f you r34lly w4nt to know.
41770	PORRIM: Exactly. No+thing much to+ yo+ur relatio+nship to+ speak o+f at all. But in yo+ur po+st-scratch lives yo+u had such majo+r issues to+gether, even yo+ur descendants inherited it, and co+ntinued the co+ntentio+us cycle until there was blo+o+dshed.
41771	LATULA: r34lly?
41772	LATULA: huh.
41773	PORRIM: Did yo+u no+t kno+w that?
41774	LATULA: n3v3r r34lly thought 4bout 1t. but now th4t you m3nt1on 1t, th4t outcom3 m4k3s 4ll sorts of s3ns3 to m3.
41775	PORRIM: It do+es? Ho+w?
41776	LATULA: just do3s, b4b3z.
41777	PORRIM: I do+n't really understand karma.
41778	LATULA: th4ts c4us3 your3 not 4 m1nd pl4y3r.
41779	PORRIM: Oh. Co+uld yo+u explain to+ me ho+w it wo+rks, then?
41780	LATULA: pshh, 4s 1f. th4t wouldnt b3 4 v3ry r4d th1ng to do.
41781	LATULA: h3y, ch3ck out th1s OUTST4ND1NG h34lfl1p!!!!
41782	PORRIM: I do+n't
41783	PORRIM: ...
41784	PORRIM: Ok. Let's see it.
41785	PORRIM: I really can't blame yo+u fo+r being in such a hurry to+ go+ kill him.
41786	MEENAH: huh
41787	PORRIM: The Lo+rd o+f Time. Actually, it's a go+o+d example o+f what I've always been trying to+ say to+ Kankri, but he do+esn't buy it.
41788	PORRIM: After the scratch, o+ur wo+rld co+ntinued to+ be matriarchal upo+n superficial o+bservatio+n, but was subject to+ a co+nsiderably mo+re sinister, clo+aked fo+rm o+f patriarchal tyranny all alo+ng.
41789	MEENAH: water you talking about
41790	PORRIM: Yo+ur po+st-scratch self, who+ grew up to+ be the empress, was really just the Lo+rd's slave all alo+ng. Implicity during her lo+ng reign, thro+ugh manipulatio+n by his cunning emplo+yee.
41791	PORRIM: And then explicitly, after the extinctio+n o+f o+ur race. She fo+rmally became his servant, and did his bidding lo+ng thereafter.
41792	MEENAH: W)(AT!!!!!
41793	PORRIM: He did the same with Damara. She was his lo+yal Time Witch, helping him turn o+ur wo+rld into+ the nightmare it became. When her usefulness came to+ an end, he pitted yo+u and her against each o+ther, in I guess a twisted redux o+f the co+nflict yo+u and she had in the past.
41794	MEENAH: yo that is so messed up!
41795	PORRIM: The bo+tto+m line is, in additio+n to+ being an all aro+und bastard, this guy appears to+ enjo+y being especially nasty to+ girls.
41796	PORRIM: If it's true he's hunting do+wn the gho+st o+f his departed "sister", then I really feel so+rry fo+r her.
41797	MEENAH: NO FUCK T)(AT
41798	MEENAH: I AM GOING TO SLAUG)(T-ER T)(AT UGLY MUSCL-E MONST-ER
41799	MEENAH: I WILL ST-EAL )(IS S)(ITTY COAT AND W-EAR IT ON MY T)(RON-E
41800	MEENAH: I WILL RIP OFF )(IS SKULL AND GILD IT AND T)(-EN I WILL W-EAR IT AS MY CROWN W)(IL-E )(IS BL-E-EDING GR-E-EN TORSO BOWS B-EFOR-E M-E
41801	PORRIM: Um,
41802	PORRIM: Best o+f luck with that.
41803	LATULA: th4t w4s...
41804	LATULA: so...
41805	LATULA: fr3ak1ng...
41806	LATULA: R44444444444444D1C4L!!!
41807	LATULA: holy smok3z grl, 1 d1dnt th1nk you 3v3n h4d gr1ndz l1k3 th4t.
41808	LATULA: so you s4y you w4nn4 b3 m3 huh? w3ll, you got 1t! h3llz grl, 1m not sur3 1f 1 shouldnt b3 th3 on3 4sk1ng to b3 YOU!!!
41809	You rebubble this memory, and no one understands it at all. People say things that are so ignorant, you want to go curl up into a tiny ball and pray for a swift second death.
41810	LATULA: yo yo, p4ystubz my grrrl!
41811	MEENAH: shit tules
41812	MEENAH: i forgot how many rad nicknames you like to cycle through
41813	MEENAH: you know i always thought paycheck was kind of dope why dont you just stick with that
41814	LATULA: r1ght on! 1 l1k3 th4t on3 too, p4ych3ck 1t 1z. H1GH F1V3 GRL!!!
41815	MEENAH: no lets not OWWWWWW
41816	LATULA: ooh sorry, d1d 1 hurt you???
41817	MEENAH: nnn... no? i meant
41818	MEENAH: wwwwWOWWWWWW
41819	MEENAH: like "WOWWWWW that was a radical hand slappin
41820	LATULA: SUR3 FUCK1N WUZ!!! d4ng 1ts t1ght your3 b4ck.
41821	MEENAH: thats cool but
41822	MEENAH: arent you overstatin our prior relationship as somefin above neutral just a TAD
41823	LATULA: w3ll m4yb3. but 1 h4d 4 lot of t1m3 to th1nk, both b3for3 w3 4ll 4t3 1t, 4ND 4ft3r.
41824	LATULA: 4nd 1 c4m3 to som3 MAD 3p1ph4n13z, 4bout you, or us r34lly. 1 w4s th1nk1ng 4bout you 4ll wrong.
41825	LATULA: for most of th3 t1m3 w3 kn3w 34ch oth3r, 1 w4s 4ll l1k3, WHY SHOULD TH3R3 B3 TWO B4D4SS, 1N-YOUR-F4C3 GRLZ 1N TH3 GROUP???
41826	LATULA: sort of ov3rk1ll, r1ght?
41827	MEENAH: mehhh
41828	LATULA: 1 w4s k1nd of v13w1ng you 4s 4 comp3t1tor, 1n l1k3 4 two grl RAD-OFF. 1 w4s w1nn1ng 1n my m1nd, of cours3. but s33, 1 h4d 1t 4ll wrong!!!!
41829	MEENAH: did you
41830	LATULA: Y3AH! s33, 1m th3 t34mz R4D GRL, wh3r34s YOUR3 th3 t34mz B4D GRL!!!! 1t 4ll m4k3s p3rf3ct s3ns3! do3snt th4t m4k3 SO MUCH S3NS3???
41831	MEENAH: that
41832	MEENAH: is the stupidest glubbin thing to require any sorta rationalization i ever heard
41833	LATULA: s33 p4ych3ck? 1 kn3w 1 could count on you to b3 just1f14bly cyn1c4l 4bout my n3urot1c bullsh1t. you RUL3!!!
41834	LATULA: yo porz, you s33 p4yd1rt 1s b4ck???
41835	PORRIM: I saw.
41836	LATULA: pr3tty r4d huh?? th3 4-lyf3 just scor3d 4 l1ttl3 mor3 GRL POW3R!!!!
41837	LATULA: h3y g1mm3 f1v3!
41838	PORRIM: That's... OW.
41839	PORRIM: No+t so+ hard!
41840	PORRIM: That's go+o+d.
41841	LATULA: wh444t, com3 on. 1 thought you of 4ll p3opl3 would b3 psych3d to g3t 4 l1l mor3 r3pr3z3nt4t1on from th3 l4d13s UP 1NZ.
41842	PORRIM: Why would that be? It's nice to see an old friend, but that's about it.
41843	PORRIM: I think you are possibly still caricaturizing my point of view on the subject, assuming we're even talking about the same subject.
41844	PORRIM: Much the way yo+ur co+ntinued co+mmitment to+ this o+verzealo+us "rad girl" thing still strikes me as a caricature o+f the kind o+f female strength and empo+werment yo+u're trying to+ pro+ject.
41845	LATULA: s4y wh4t??? th4tz bogus, 1m th1s r4d b3c4us3 1 l1k3 b31ng r4d! r4dn3ss rul3z.
41846	PORRIM: I kno+w it rulez. But there's such a thing as o+verdo+ing it.
41847	PORRIM: Do+n't yo+u think it can co+me acro+ss as a series o+f affectatio+ns designed to+ o+verco+mpensate fo+r an implicit flaw with yo+ur gender? An act which rebuts what sho+uld be a straw man, with a carto+o+nish masquerade that with every kickflip and high five screams "YES, IT APPEARS THAT GIRLS CAN BE AS RADICAL AND AS GOOD AT GAMES AS BOYS!" thus lending a certain dignity to+ the premise at the expense o+f yo+ur o+wn?
41848	LATULA: wh4... w41t wh4t? 4w m4n.
41849	LATULA: wh4t you t4lk1ng 4bout grl. m33n4h wh3r3d you go! com3 h3lp m3 b3 cyn1c4l 4bout th1s! 4h!!!
41850	PORRIM: Yo+u can pretend to+ misunderstand all yo+u want, but we've talked abo+ut this befo+re and I kno+w yo+u're smarter abo+ut this than yo+u let o+n. We were raised in what was a fo+rmally "matriarchal so+ciety", which has always been used as a shield to+ do+wnplay clear instances o+f female o+ppressio+n and o+bfuscate the relevance o+f gender ro+les, particularly where they're weighted against females. But anyo+ne who+'s lo+o+ked at o+ur so+ciety mo+re ho+nestly can see that while, yes, it is superficially o+bserved as a matriarchy o+n a fuschia-do+wn basis, o+n a practical level all o+f the enfo+rcement and po+litical po+wer go+verning mo+st classes was delegated to+ the higher CIPs, which were generally male-do+minated castes. They go+t to+ co+ntro+l the agenda and dictate the so+cial co+nventio+ns, and anyo+ne who+ dared to+ o+bject o+r bring light to+ this co+uld always be co+untered with "Hey! Matriarchy! End o+f discussio+n.
41851	LATULA: grl, pl34s3. dont t3ll m3 your3 go1ng full v4nt4s on m3 h3r3.
41852	PORRIM: No+, if I were getting my Vantas o+n, we'd o+nly be getting warmed up. But that's really all I have to+ say o+n the matter.
41853	LATULA: wh3w!
41854	PORRIM: I just think yo+u sho+uld be yo+urself mo+re o+ften. We already kno+w yo+u are stro+ng and go+o+d at games and all that. Yo+u have no+thing to+ pro+ve.
41855	LATULA: y34h. your3 prob4bly r1ght.
41856	LATULA: 1ts k1nd of str3ssful som3t1m3s, k33p1ng 1t up! som3t1m3s 1 forg3t to put z33s on th3 3nd of words, 4nd 1 r34lly str3ss out 4bout 1t.
41857	LATULA: you know, 1 4lw4ys d1d f33l b3tt3r t4lk1ng to you. l1k3 1 could t4k3 th3 3dg3 off my r4d th1ng, 4nd r3l4x 4 l1ttl3 mor3.
41858	PORRIM: Then let's make it mo+re o+f a habit, shall we?
41859	LATULA: h3ckz y3s!!!
41860	LATULA: h3y, th4nks for th3 p3pt4lk, popo m3rryg4mz.
41861	PORRIM: That nickname.
41862	PORRIM: It
41863	PORRIM: It is just so+ awful.
41864	LATULA: oh whoopz.
41865	LATULA: w4nt m3 to sw1tch b4ck to pornst4r???
41866	PORRIM: ...
41867	PORRIM: Merrygamz will be fine.
41868	LATULA: bro!!!! 1 h34r youv3 b33n h4ssl1ng th3 n3w k1dz. wh4t 1s UP w1th th4t???
41869	KANKRI: Hassling? Far fr9m it. I've merely disc9vered a new and far less ungrateful fl9ck which has n9t yet 6ec9me w9efully jaded t9 my messages 9f p9sitive s9cial change.
41870	LATULA: you c4nt fool m3 k4nkz. you 4r3 bor1ng th4t poor dud3 to d34th. you just w4nt to m4k3 4 ghost out of h1m so you c4n k33p h1m h3r3 for3v3r.
41871	KARKAT:
41872	LATULA: wh1ch 41nt r1ght! you h4v3 to l3t th4t bro d13 of h1s own M4D VOL1T1ONZ.
41873	KANKRI: Can y9u sc99t away 9n y9ur little wheeled t9y f9r immature wigglers? I was in the middle 9f a serm9n.
41874	LATULA: why dont you s4v3 h1m som3 gr13f 4nd g1v3 h1m on3 of your old m3moz?
41875	LATULA: 4h4h4h, r3m3mb3r thoz3??? how m4ny sw33ps d1d you sp3nd try1ng to forc3 us to r34d th4t tr4sh?
41876	KANKRI: I d9n't remem6er. And n9, I w9n't 6e sharing my 9ld mem9s with him. They were written very p99rly, and my meth9ds 9f argumentati9n were flawed and extremely childish. I've deleted m9st 9f th9se mem9ries fr9m these 6u66les, s9 d9n't 69ther r99ting ar9und f9r them. Frankly, they stunk.
41877	LATULA: h3y!
41878	KANKRI: 9h, man, I'm s9rry. I c9mpletely f9rg9t that "stunk" was an a6leist slur. Please f9rgive my insensitivity t9ward y9ur disa6ility.
41879	LATULA: 1tz ch1ll, 1 w4s only 4ct1ng off3nd3d to bug you.
41880	KANKRI: N9, really, it was inexcusa6le 9f me. I sh9uld have at least preceded my call9us remark with a trigger warning.
41881	KANKRI: I have n9 6usiness making light 9f y9ur impairment, thus failing t9 check my nasal privilege, and p9tentially 6ringing 6ack painful and devastatingly triggering mem9ries 9f the 9ld cycle 9f revenge 6etween y9u and s9me friends which resulted in the l9ss 9f y9ur 9lfact9ry sense. I have t9 admit, I was skeptical at first a69ut whether that really qualified as a true disa6ility warranting sensitivity and the pr9m9ti9n 9f awareness, 6ut 6eing cl9se t9 y9u as a friend and carefully examining my privilege has really 9pened my eyes. 99ps, that euphemism is slightly a6leist t9 the 6lind, what I meant was "6r9adened my h9riz9ns 9n the nature 9f disa6ility." S9rry.
41882	LATULA: y34h! th4ts funny, c4us3 1t n3v3r would h4v3 occurr3d to m3 to t4k3 1t 4ll th4t s3r1ously 4s 4 h4nd1c4p w1thout you m4k1ng 4 f3d3r4l c4s3 out of 1t for so long on my b3h4lf. so, th4nkz k4nk!!!
41883	KANKRI: My pleasure. Really, it is truly amazing that y9u have managed t9 triumph 9ver such adversity t9 6ec9me a great r9le m9del f9r 9thers, excellent at vide9 games, and a t9tally stellar skate69arding pers9n, all while 6eing a girl, n9 less.
41884	KARKAT:
41885	KANKRI: 6e me? I...
41886	KANKRI: I'm n9t sure if that's...
41887	LATULA: 4w com3 on k4nkl3z!!! pl33333334z3???
41888	KANKRI: Well...
41889	KANKRI: 9k. I'll interrupt my imperative m9n9l...dial9gue just this 9nce.
41890	KANKRI: F9r y9u.
41891	KANKRI: 9ne m9ment please, Karkat. I'm g9ing t9 wander ar9und 6riefly, in an aut9n9m9us fashi9n. I kn9w y9u're very excited t9 c9ntinue 9ur discussi9n, and I pr9mise I'll return very sh9rtly s9 that we may resume. Just remain standing here in this exact sp9t, while y9u take time t9 let the wisd9m 9f my w9rds take r99t in y9ur heart, and try n9t t9 wander 9ff with any69dy, 9k? 6e right 6ack.
41892	KARKAT:
41893	KANKRI: 9h, hey, Latula. I th9ught I heard y9ur device grinding 9n vari9us surfaces near6y.
41894	KANKRI: H9w are y9ur athletic t9y stunts g9ing? Are y9u getting a l9t 9f... a l9t 9f "air"? Am I saying that right?
41895	LATULA: you knowz 1t bro!!!
41896	LATULA: you c4nt 3v3n TOUCH th1s. 1m 3sc4p1ng to th3 s1d3, from 4bov3, from 3v3ry wh1ch w4y b4s1c4lly!!!!
41897	KANKRI: Well, I wasn't g9ing t9 attempt t9 make any s9rt 9f physical c9ntact with y9u, and even if I did, I have n9 d9u6t that y9u w9uld 6e a6le t9 maneuver away fr9m my grasp 9n y9ur speedy little platf9rm. Either way, I'm m9re than c9ntent t9 let y9u escape in any directi9n 9f y9ur ch99sing, if that's y9ur wish.
41898	LATULA: dud3. just wh3n 1 th1nk youv3 4lr34dy s41d th3 squ4r3st th1ng poss1bl3, you go 4nd s4y som3th1ng l1k3 th4t.
41899	KANKRI: Haha. I guess. Y9u kn9w, it's really nice we can talk like this.
41900	LATULA: 1t 1s...
41901	KANKRI: Yes. I was just thinking lately, a69ut 9ur new p9st-scratch friends. Particularly the y9ung Vantas and Pyr9pe iterati9ns 9n their team, and h9w they're pretty similar t9 us, 6ut als9 really different.
41902	LATULA: y34h. l1l m3 1s bl1nd! d1d u 3v3n KNOW th4t??
41903	KANKRI: Yes, 6ut that's n9t really what I'm talking a69ut.
41904	KANKRI: She and Karkat have a different relati9nship fr9m the 9ne we have. Theirs is much m9re tur6ulent, which is fueled presuma6ly 6y r9mantic tensi9n. I'm picking up 9n s9me maj9r vascillati9n vi6es fr9m their situati9n. It's kind 9f unf9rtunate, 6ut it makes me grateful that we never g9t t9 that p9int.
41905	LATULA: h3llz y34h. who n33ds th4t?
41906	KANKRI: I'm sure it's m9stly due t9 the fact that we've stayed entirely away fr9m the sting6ug's nest 9f r9mantic entanglement. Which 9f c9urse is related t9 my 9ath 9f celi6acy, which as y9u kn9w is just a pers9nal ch9ice, 9ne which f9r s9me reas9n my p9st-scratch adult self eventually strayed fr9m... with... Meulin, 9f all pe9ple? 6ut that's neither here n9r there.
41907	LATULA: h4h4h4h4... you 4nd m3uz. st1ll cr4cks m3 up... H4H4H4H4H4H4!!!!
41908	KANKRI: Yes. 6ut regardless. What I'm saying is, it's great we stayed away fr9m that. It's helped me appreciate y9u as a friend, and admire all y9ur g99d qualities. Plat9nically, 9f c9urse.
41909	LATULA: your3 r1ght! 1ts b33n pr3tty r4d wh3n you put 1t th4t w4y.
41910	KANKRI: Like h9w y9u never 69ught int9 the usual r9les 9f y9ur caste, as an aqua, n9t even the m9re "well intended" s9cial c9nventi9ns 9f y9ur privileged arist9cratic 6l99dline. Y9u never l99ked d9wn 9n any69dy, 9r saw it as y9ur civil duty t9 care f9r 9r "impr9ve" the warmer classes, falling prey t9 unf9rtunate tendencies inv9lving cerulean savi9r c9mplex, 9r the "6lue 6l99d's 6urden" (trigger warning 9n that, 96vi9usly) which sadly 6ecame s9 insepera6le fr9m the fa6ric 9f the spectral 9rder, with each class c9nditi9ned t9 view th9se 6el9w it the same way, the 96stacles t9 raising awareness were alm9st insurm9unta6le. 6ut unlike the c99ler hues 9n 9ur team m9re priviliged than y9u, like y9ur Serkets, y9ur Zahhaks, y9ur Amp9ras... I never g9t the sense that y9u put the slightest 6it 9f st9ck in any 9f that, and I think that's pretty amazing.
41911	LATULA: uh... y34h! th4t sh1tz 4 dr4g, why would 1 both3r w1th 4ny of th4t? 1 m34n, 1ll h3lp low bloods l34rn stunts 4nd ch34t cod3z 1f th3y w4nt, but th4ts 1t!!!
41912	KANKRI: Right. And I'm just saying if my head was ever cl9uded 6y r9mantic feelings f9r y9u, I pr96a6ly w9uldn't 6e a6le t9 appreciate that a69ut y9u.
41913	KANKRI: Just like I w9uldn't 6e a6le t9 appreciate the fairly c99l "zees" y9u put at the end 9f many w9rds, 9r say things l9udly and with enthusiasm, even if it's n9t particularly warranted.
41914	LATULA: h3h3h. y34h!!!!
41915	KANKRI: 9r the way y9ur hair fl9ws in the wind when y9u sc99t 9ver s9me s9rt 9f 96stactle 9n y9ur device really fast.
41916	KANKRI: 9r the way y9u make this funny little n9ise just as y9u c9nnect with 9ne 9f y9ur c9pi9us high fives, which can 9nly 6e heard 9ver the l9ud slap if y9u listen really cl9sely.
41917	LATULA: um, y34h... 1 not1c3d... som3 stuff l1k3 th4t...
41918	LATULA: 4bout you too 1 gu3ss?
41919	LATULA: h3h.
41920	KANKRI: 9r the way y9u have always sh9wn kindness t9 pe9ple wh9 needed help, with9ut making them feel tragic 9r helpless f9r accepting it.
41921	KANKRI: 9r the way y9u still manage t9 l99k stylish even with9ut y9ur c99l shades, 9r s9metimes when they're pr9pped up 9n y9ur head just in fr9nt 9f y9ur h9rns.
41922	LATULA: wh...
41923	KANKRI: 9r, I d9n't kn9w if y9u remem6er, that time Meenah 6aked every69dy a cake. It was the first sweep anniversary 9f entering the game, 9ne 9f the rare m9ments 9f s9lidarity and g99d cheer am9ng 9ur entire team at 9nce. Every9ne was raving a69ut h9w g99d the fresh 6aked cake smelled, s9 y9u t99k a 6ig sniff, I guess f9rgetting f9r a m9ment y9u c9uldn't smell. Then y9u quickly caught y9urself, and played it c99l making sure n9 9ne n9ticed, which n9 9ne did. 6ut I n9ticed. And I just th9ught that was kind 9f endearing.
41924	LATULA:
41925	KANKRI: Anyway, I think all that w9uld have 6een c9mpletely l9st 9n me if we didn't have this str9ng plat9nic 69nd. I just th9ught I'd say that. Guess I'll get g9ing n9w.
41926	KANKRI: See y9u ar9und, Latula.
41927	LATULA:
41928	KANKRI: In the future, I'll thank y9u n9t t9 em6arrass me in fr9nt 9f my new disciples. Friends. I mean friends.
41929	KANKRI: I really d9n't need y9u p9licing my awareness-raising rhet9ric. Y9u are n9t my "human m9ther".
41930	PORRIM: What do+es that even mean??
41931	KANKRI: Y9u w9uld understand if y9u spent time actually researching 9ther cultures t9 gain a m9re c9mprehensive f9undati9nal perspective 9n 9ur systemic pr96lems instead 9f meddling in 9ther pe9ple's enlightening and en9rm9us c9nversati9ns.
41932	PORRIM: All these sweeps and yo+u still act like such a wiggler so+metimes. Hey... is that...
41933	PORRIM: Is that grub sauce o+n yo+ur face?
41934	KANKRI: What? N9.
41935	PORRIM: Yes it is. Yo+u have a big smudge o+f sauce, right there. Yo+u're a mess, Kanny. Co+me here.
41936	KANKRI: N9! N9, st9p. D9n't t9uch me, I g9t it!
41937	PORRIM: Do+n't wipe it o+ff with yo+ur sleeve! Oh my Go+d. I JUST washed that fo+r yo+u.
41938	KANKRI: I d9n't care. I didn't ask y9u t9 wash my sweater. I keep telling y9u, I have n9 interest in 6ef9ran p9ssessi9ns.
41939	PORRIM: We aren't o+n Befo+rus anymo+re. I wo+rked hard o+n that sweater, and I'm no+t go+ing to+ stand by while yo+u encrust it in grub sauce.
41940	KANKRI: I was perfectly happy with9ut the sweater! T9 6e h9nest, I'm less than thrilled with h9w it 96scures my pant line.
41941	PORRIM: Sigh...
41942	PORRIM: Why are yo+u always so+ co+ntrary with me? To+ be ho+nest, I think yo+ur need to+ "rebel" against whatever I suggest is what drives yo+ur dismissal o+f my views mo+re than anything abo+ut the views themselves.
41943	KANKRI: I d9n't dismiss y9ur views. I respect them. I have T9LD y9u this.
41944	KANKRI: I think the r9le 9f gender in 6ef9ran s9ciety is pr96a6ly a really fascinating and advanced su6ject t9 expl9re. See, y9u and I can appreciate the su6ject, 9f c9urse. I just d9n't think any9ne is ready f9r that yet. There are s9 many 9ther hurdles t9 9verc9me first.
41945	PORRIM: Hurdles? Kanny, yo+u sho+uld serio+usly sto+p o+verthinking this stuff. Even I do+n't kno+w what yo+u're talking abo+ut mo+st o+f the time.
41946	KANKRI: L99k, I'm just saying, it's a huge risk 9pening that can 9f dirt n99dles, trying t9 educate pe9ple 9n that su6ject 9n t9p 9f everything else. I just d9n't want t9 distract fr9m all the m9re glaring issues that desperately need the full attenti9n 9f 9ur pe9ple if we are g9ing t9 make any pr9gress as a civilizati9n.
41947	PORRIM: Pro+gress as a civilizatio+n?
41948	PORRIM: Kankri. Our peo+ple are extinct, and yo+u're wo+rried abo+ut "distracting fro+m the mo+re glaring issues"??
41949	PORRIM: EVERYONE IS DEAD!!!
41950	KANKRI: P9rrim, I'm very disapp9inted t9 hear y9u say that.
41951	KANKRI: That was an extremely c9rp9realn9rmative remark.
41952	PORRIM: ...
41953	KANKRI: Wh9a, Meenah. I didn't see y9u c9me in. Y9u sh9uld have c9me say hell9.
41954	MEENAH: oh
41955	MEENAH: yeah i didnt wanna bother you and shoutier you over there
41956	KANKRI: It w9uld have 6een alright. Karkat and I were 9nly a few h9urs fr9m wrapping up 9ur first 9f what I'm presuming will 6e many, many sessi9ns t9gether.
41957	KANKRI: Y9u and I have s9 much t9 discuss. I've really crystallized s9me pr96lems. Eternity has really helped me make s9me pr9gress 9n issues that matter t9 every69dy. Even gr9ups 9f pe9ple wh9 d9n't technically exist.
41958	KANKRI: I've had a l9t 9f time t9 think. A69ut that, and a69ut us. 9ur team, I mean, and the mistakes we've made which were pr96a6ly 6lessings in disguise. I kn9w we had 9ur differences, with y9u claiming the r9le as s9rt 9f 9ur defact9 leader, in terms 9f strategy and executi9n... literal executi9n, I supp9se. While I r9se t9 pr9minence am9ng 9ur peers as the undisputed spiritual shepherd 9f the gr9up.
41959	MEENAH: uh
41960	MEENAH: whatever you say
41961	KANKRI: I've als9 heard y9u're recruiting mem6ers f9r a militia? An9ther 69ld endeav9r. N9t surprising, th9ugh. 6ef9re y9u em6ark, I d9 h9pe y9u'll set aside at least several sweeps t9 listen t9 s9me 9f my...
41962	MEENAH: hey vantas
41963	MEENAH: i really want to hear more of your garbage and lisfin to it all with hella baited breath
41964	MEENAH: like i really really missed that you have no idea
41965	MEENAH: but i have to go do
41966	MEENAH: a thing
41967	MEENAH: reel quick
41968	KANKRI: 9h.
41969	MEENAH: can you wait
41970	MEENAH: like right H-ER-E
41971	MEENAH: exactly this spot
41972	MEENAH: for a few minutes
41973	KANKRI: A6s9lutely!
41974	KANKRI: Really, n9 hurry, I'll take the time t9 prepare s9me 9f my 9pening statements t9 6etter c9ntextualize my pr9hi6itively l9quaci9us harangue. I mean friendly 6anter.
41975	MEENAH: brb dog
41976	MEENAH: (psst!)
41977	MEENAH: (hey vantas)
41978	KARKAT: (what.)
41979	MEENAH: (nows yer chance)
41980	MEENAH: (lets blow this nautical stand)
41981	KARKAT: (oh...)
41982	KARKAT: (i don't think i'm supposed to.)
41983	MEENAH: (shouty you cant let that boring nerd tell you how to roll)
41984	MEENAH: (you wanna stand here lisfinin to his shellf important abaloney all day???)
41985	KARKAT: (not really.)
41986	MEENAH: (then COM-E ON!)
41987	You rebubble this memory, and it gets almost no likes OR hates. People seem to have no opinion about it at all. Which is actually the worst imaginable outcome. It is a fate 10 times worse than death, and 100 times worse than second death.
41988	MEENAH: vantas gimme your password
41989	KARKAT: (huh?)
41990	MEENAH: this is your door aint it
41991	KARKAT: (what makes you say that.)
41992	MEENAH: the symbol on the doors the same as on your fuckin shirt
41993	MEENAH: come on it aint blastoff device science
41994	KARKAT: (ok, yeah, it's mine. maybe i got tired of interloping shitbags traipsing through my PRIVATE and PERSONAL memories.)
41995	MEENAH: you dont need to whisper anymore aint no one around
41996	KARKAT: OH
41997	MEENAH: now whats the password
41998	KARKAT: MOVE OVER, I'LL TYPE IT FOR YOU.
41999	MEENAH: no just tell me shouty!!!
42000	KARKAT: OH MY GOD, THAT IS SO UNREASONABLE. HOW IS IT NOT PRETTY MUCH THE MOST REASONABLE FUCKING THING IN THE WORLD TO LET ME JUST TYPE MY OWN PASSWORD???
42001	MEENAH: dude you want kankri to find you and talk yer nubs off again
42002	KARKAT: NO!!! ANYTHING BUT THAT.
42003	KARKAT: ALRIGHT, I'LL TELL YOU, JUST...
42004	KARKAT: DON'T GO BLABBING IT AROUND.
42005	KARKAT: THE PASSWORD IS...
42006	MEENAH: wuh
42007	MEENAH: bro you gotta speak up
42008	KARKAT: IF I HATE MYSELF SO MUCH, THEN WHY DON'T I HATEMARRY MYSELF!!!!!!!
42009	MEENAH: T)(ATS your p word
42010	MEENAH: what in glubs name does that mean
42011	KARKAT: NOTHING. IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.
42012	KARKAT: IT'S JUST SOMETHING THAT REMINDS ME OF AN OLD FRIEND. ALRIGHT?! CAN WE GET GOING NOW?
42013	MEENAH: fuck yeah! this way shouty
42014	MEENAH: you will not regret hitchin your wagon to my starfish
42015	KARKAT:
42016	Congratulations! That was the rebubble that pushed you over the edge. You are now OFFICIALLY BUBBLR FAMOUS!
42017	Oh my god, you didn't.
42018	You DIDN'T......
42019	MEENAH: oh my cod
42020	MEENAH: why...
42021	MEENAH: WHY did i have to bring this idiot that horse hitcher
42022	MEENAH: so shouty
42023	MEENAH: or... kankrat was it?
42024	MEENAH: been meaning to axe you... HEY!
42025	MEENAH: whered he go?
42026	MEENAH: its so hard makin friends
42027	EXPOSITION 5 BOONBUCKS
42028	THE SYLPH IS [IN]
42029	ARANEA: Yes, I saw him scurry 8y a moment ago. He went that way, into a memory of his old neigh8orhood.
42030	MEENAH: man what gives
42031	MEENAH: does my breath stink or
42032	ARANEA: I think he just wants to 8e alone. He tried to lock his memories away from others, I guess without realizing these 8u88les can 8e very permea8le. If the memory is 8ig enough, people will 8e a8le to wander into it from many directions.
42033	ARANEA: He pro8a8ly won't 8e too happy to find more of our friends hanging out there.
42034	MEENAH: oh shit more of the old gang is that way
42035	MEENAH: guess i better go talk to them too
42036	MEENAH: probably have to bail shouty out YET AGAIN
42037	MEENAH: damn kid makes you work
42038	ARANEA: That's pro8a8ly why you're o8sessed with him.
42039	MEENAH: shut up
42040	MEENAH: yo what is this shit
42041	MEENAH: you sellin somefin here
42042	MEENAH: if so i should warn you im a little low on funds these days
42043	ARANEA: I am offering explanations! I will explain anything you desire.
42044	MEENAH: ahahaha you must be out of your seasponge if you think ima part with anyfin of value for a shitty speech
42045	ARANEA: Oh, no! You misunderstand. It is I who will pay YOU five 8oon8ucks if you listen to an explanation on any topic of your choosing!
42046	MEENAH: oh
42047	ARANEA: So what topic will it 8e?
42048	MEENAH: hang on!
42049	ARANEA: Can't decide on a topic?
42050	MEENAH: no cant decide if its worth listening to you even if you pay me
42051	ARANEA: >::::(
42052	ARANEA: Now I know you're messing with me. I know you can't say no to easy money.
42053	MEENAH: yeah youre right
42054	MEENAH: lay it on me
42055	ARANEA: The Seer of 8lood played quite a different role on our team from that of his successor, though his potential as a 8lood player went similarly unrealized. It was only when he grew up on Alternia did he 8egin to tap into his a8ilities, triggering recollection of our lives on 8eforus, and what we all went through.
42056	ARANEA: He remem8ered our more peaceful way of life, and his desire to unite people. As an adult he was a8le to do this much more effectively and maturely. Heroically, even. He learned how to inspire others, and 8e a true leader, even when the odds were stacked against him in his violent culture. It cost him his life, 8ut his message lived on. I 8elieve the Knight of 8lood now carries his 8urden, whether he has decided to accept it or not.
42057	ARANEA: Many of us on Alternia grew up to 8ecome secret followers of his teachings. Just as many of us now follow them, though I'd say with a 8it more detachment. 8ecause we're dead! Speaking personally, I'd refer to myself as more of a "fan" of his story, and what it represents. 8oth the hidden potential in our friend he never quite found, and the hidden potential in all our people.
42058	ARANEA: During our session, Kankri's trials as a leader were just as frustrating as those of his successor. He found it very hard to get others to take him seriously. While you would often try to divide us with your trou8lemaking, and turn us against each other to make us stronger - unsuccessfully I might add - he would try to unite us through proselytizing and lecture, just as unsuccessfully.
42059	MEENAH: wow that sure was a bunch of stuff i already knew
42060	ARANEA: Yes! And now it is fresher in your memory than ever. Thank you for listening, and here are your five 8oondollars!
42061	MEENAH: pleasure doin business with you
42062	ARANEA: The Knight of Mind, to even the most casual o8server, is clearly the more "radical" instance of the two Pyropes. 8oth of course have disa8ilities which, if discovered, would slate each for culling in their respective cultures. Culling of course means something quite different on 8eforus. It means she would have 8een selected 8y a mem8er of a higher caste for adoption, and coddled excessively. 8ut for someone with a lifestyle as radical as hers, I'm sure you will agree that would have 8een a fate worse than death.
42063	MEENAH: serket yo this exposition is some straight up redonkulous junk even by your standards
42064	ARANEA: Would you like to make some money, or not?
42065	MEENAH: you know me i am all about the boonjamins
42066	ARANEA: Then please stand there quietly while I continue.
42067	MEENAH: urrrhn fin
42068	ARANEA: After the tragic accident which left her nasally impaired, her mighty dragon lusus, ancient and wise 8eyond our comprehension, 8egan to teach her "new ways to smell." To reinvent the sense, using other sense organs such as eyes and ears, awakening completely new experiences in her mind. She was truly an inspiration, and proved 8eyond a shadow of a dou8t that any handicap can 8e overcome, and doesn't have to stop you from 8eing as rad as you can truly 8e.
42069	MEENAH: wuuut
42070	MEENAH: serket are you whistlin through my blowhole with his idiotic shit
42071	ARANEA: Yes, that last part was a joke. Lighten up, Peixes!
42072	MEENAH: yeah yeah what do we have to do to seal this deal here
42073	ARANEA: Well........
42074	MEENAH: Just tell me the bare minimum a what i need to hear to snag ma boonies and run
42075	ARANEA: Ok. Even though Latula has 8een dating Mituna steadily for eons, it's hardly a secret to anyone that she and Kankri have had complicated unrequited feelings for even longer. So really, much like their descendants. Aaaaaaaand, we're done! Here you go.
42076	MEENAH: fuckin score
42077	ARANEA: The Maid of Space was of course our all-important Space player and Stoker of the Forge, 8ut as you know, we never made much progress on the frog 8reeding front, or really any aspect of the game 8efore the reckoning. Way too disorganized, way too much teen drama. Much of that drama of course centered around Kankri, and Porrim tended to 8e the one to keep him out of trou8le. This relationship persisted in their lives on Alternia, which... unfortunately didn't work out too well for her in the end. I'd address my involvement with that, 8ut you seem to 8e tapping your foot so I think I'll just skip over that part of the story!
42078	ARANEA: On 8eforus, well 8efore her drinker a8ilities had awakened, she grew up in the caste almost solely devoted to tending to the mother gru8, hatching the young and proliferating the 8rood. The jade 8loods were also an almost exclusively female caste, and she 8egan to resent the roles she was hatched into, designated for 8oth her class and gender. She challenged these roles wherever they existed in 8eforan society, as well as where she found them woven into our session, in kingdoms, class assignments, consort culture and the like.
42079	ARANEA: 8ut over the sweeps in our failed session, she found within herself a renewed interest in the duty that came with her 8loodline, which was of course the persistence of our people, a 8urden which her descendant now must 8ear. All life on 8eforus had 8een wiped out, and we'd failed our game, so she helped me search for a way to reset the...
42080	MEENAH: zzzzzz
42081	ARANEA: I was almost finished!!!!!!!!
42082	MEENAH: your just tellin me shit i know serk she was sorta my friend too remember
42083	MEENAH: cant you spice this jam up
42084	ARANEA: I don't........
42085	MEENAH: didnt she like sleep with erybody
42086	MEENAH: gimme all the dirt on that
42087	ARANEA: What?
42088	ARANEA: No, Meenah. I am not paying you so that you can listen to me indulge in such scandalous gossip.
42089	ARANEA: Now what was I talking a8out? Gosh, I've lost my train of thought........
42090	MEENAH: ahahaha why you blushin girl
42091	MEENAH: omigawd you and she...???????
42092	ARANEA:
42093	MEENAH: ho man why didnt you ever tell me i thought we was fronds
42094	ARANEA: Look. Three sweeps is a long time to spend in a failed, pointless session!
42095	ARANEA: You look into the future and see a life lasting for may8e thousands of sweeps, with nothing to look forward to, and........
42096	MEENAH: aaaand????
42097	ARANEA: It was just... kind of a phase! Just a little red fling, ok? It 8arely even lasted half a sweep, and...
42098	ARANEA: Hey, if I give you TEN 8oon8ucks, can we stop talking talking a8out this????????
42099	MEENAH: make it a cool hunnid and you got a deal
42100	ARANEA: Argh, fine! Just take it!!!!!!!!
42101	MEENAH: her imperious condescension thanks you for your generous contribution to the new empire
42102	ARANEA: I'm glad you're a good guy this time. You really were hatched to 8e SUCH A 8ITCH!!!!!!!!
42103	You pause your adventure through the afterlife because you've been at it for way too long already. You'll get back to this in a little while. You just know more of your dead loser friends are lurking in this area. You can feel their lameness emanating from beyond the grave. You can also feel it emanating from within the grave, which is good, because that's where you are. The grave.
42104	What we REALLY need to do is see what John's been up to. It almost feels like it's been a year since we saw him. Hell, it's probably his birthday again. When is it ever NOT John's birthday???
42105	YEAR 2
42106	JOHN: jade...
42107	JADE: hm?
42108	JOHN: i think i just realized something.
42109	JADE: what?
42110	JOHN: THIS MOVIE FUCKING SUCKS!!!
42111	JADE: whaaat
42112	JADE: but you love this movie!
42113	JOHN: yeah, i know.
42114	JOHN: i mean... i thought i did.
42115	JOHN: it's been kind of a long time since i last saw it. i really remember it being a lot better than this!
42116	JOHN: but now everything just seems so cheesy and stupid.
42117	JADE: but you were making such a big deal about finally getting me to watch it with you on your birthday!
42118	JADE: you were going on and on about how i wouldnt be disappointed... but now youre saying you dont like it?
42119	JOHN: i don't know. i'm trying to like it. i WANT to like it.
42120	JOHN: i want to feel the same magic that was there all the other times i watched it.
42121	JOHN: but i can't, because...
42122	JOHN: it's just...
42123	JOHN: not...
42124	JOHN: good. :(
42125	JADE: really?
42126	JADE: i was actually kind of enjoying it!
42127	JADE: its very silly
42128	JADE: i really dont think its the kind of movie youre supposed to take all that seriously john
42129	JOHN: but i DID take it seriously!!!
42130	JOHN: i guess maybe that's kind of the point.
42131	JOHN: i always thought all this hokey bullshit was legitimately awesome and compelling.
42132	JOHN: what was i even thinking!
42133	JADE: i dunno....
42134	JADE: but people can change their minds about things
42135	JADE: i think youre allowed to change your mind about a silly movie
42136	JADE: i used to LOVE the squiddles show when i was really young
42137	JADE: but as i got older i started to realize it wasnt as great as i thought it was
42138	JADE: i was just too young to see how it was actually a flagrant vehicle for selling merchandise
42139	JADE: and if you believed the conspiracy theorists it might have even been pushing some other dark hidden agendas.....
42140	JADE: so i stopped liking the show itself as much but that didnt change the fact that i had a lot of fond memories about it
42141	JADE: i still loved all the cute characters and could enjoy it on a nostalgic level
42142	JOHN: well, maybe later i'll be able to rekindle some nostalgic feelings about it.
42143	JOHN: but right now, i just feel like a dope for talking this up so hard.
42144	JADE: what is even the problem with it?
42145	JADE: ive just been watching this and thinking, yup, i can see why john was so obsessed with this movie...
42146	JADE: its funny!
42147	JOHN: it's just non stop terrible action movie cliches!
42148	JOHN: look.
42149	JOHN: i love nic cage. he is basically my hero, ok?
42150	JOHN: but i'm kind of just realizing now that he is EMBARRASSINGLY BAD in this movie!
42151	JOHN: he is just doing this corny parody of a southern guy who is down on his luck, and acts "charming" with his goofy accent and stuff.
42152	JOHN: some things i used to think were so badass are just coming off as ridiculous now.
42153	JOHN: can you believe that one time we were watching this movie, when he said "put the bunny back in the box" i actually high fived my dad?
42154	JOHN: this time that line just made me roll my eyes.
42155	JOHN: there's so much crappy dialogue!
42156	JOHN: "cyrus, this is your barbecue, and it tastes good..." arrgh!
42157	JADE: but he was trying to sound like a hardened criminal to win the trust of john malkovich!
42158	JOHN: jade, please. it was a cheesy line, don't be so naive.
42159	JADE: what!!
42160	JADE: you spent your whole life worshiping this dumb movie and now youre calling ME naive????
42161	JOHN: ok, i'm sorry. i guess in fairness to you, you have only just begun to climb the steep learning curve of this vexing and hypnotic film.
42162	JOHN: but i am no longer bound by its spell, jade.
42163	JADE: oh god
42164	JADE: vexing and hypnotic??
42165	JADE: its a movie full of explosions about a guy with a mullet
42166	JADE: what is with you lately? you seem to be in such a crappy mood these days
42167	JOHN: i am fine. this MOVIE is what's crappy these days.
42168	JADE: oh bluh bluh
42169	JADE: can we just finish the rest of the movie?
42170	JADE: look you made us miss a whole bunch of stuff!
42171	JADE: hang on im going to rewind it...
42172	JOHN: who even cares what we missed.
42173	JOHN: just cameron stupid poe in his idiot wife beater babbling some more southern home spun heroic nonsense.
42174	JOHN: heart of gold my ass!!!!!
42175	JOHN: everything dave ever said about this movie was right! i can't believe i used to think he was just trolling me.
42176	JOHN: the stupid junkyard scene where cyrus makes a little model out of rocks and stuff, just so he could tell the criminals to surround some army guys and shoot them... that was pointless!
42177	JOHN: and all this heavy handed scoring. oh my god. the music makes every little thing into such a federal issue!
42178	JOHN: like... oh man, SOME MINOR CHARACTERS BEING INTRODUCED IN SLOW MOTION! dun-dun dun-dun DUN DUN DUN!!!
42179	JOHN: there. now you officially know they are all badasses.
42180	JOHN: also, i somehow didn't even remember dave chappelle being in this movie. he was pointless too.
42181	JADE: whos dave chappelle?
42182	JOHN: and you know the malloy guy, the dick head cop who we're supposed to hate, because of how he gives john cusack a hard time and makes asshole decisions with a helicopter?
42183	JOHN: well screw that! he wasn't so bad. so what if he was a little grumpy? he was just trying to do his job. he had one of the best lines in the movie actually, which was another thing we were supposed to hate him for.
42184	JOHN: what was it? about how cusack was probably out saving a tree and recycling his sandals or some shit? HAHAHA! now that i think about it, i fucking LOVE malloy.
42185	JOHN: i'm going to rewind it to watch that scene again...
42186	JADE: no!!!
42187	JADE: dont touch the remote
42188	JOHN: oh, and we're supposed to be like "YEAH" when cusack wrecks malloy's awesome sports car.
42189	JOHN: but that was a nice car! john cusack shouldn't have ruined it like that for laughs.
42190	JOHN: i know *I* wasn't laughing, were you?
42191	JADE: YES :p
42192	JOHN: john cusack was such a terrible character in this movie now that i think about it. i don't really get what he added to it?
42193	JOHN: he was like the second hero... but dorkier? what did he even really do? he scampered around the junkyard for a while goofing off, and then when it was his time to shine...
42194	JOHN: HE DEMONSTRATED HIS MASTERY OVER HEAVY MACHINERY! wow, he can operate a crane! i am thrilled by the exploits of this pedantic weenie.
42195	JOHN: i guess he's actually like cage's estranged sidekick? almost like the robin that batman never realized he had.
42196	JOHN: now that i think about it, this movie was always an oddly poignant tale of bromance between cage and cusack. just two bros separated by destiny, waiting to be united.
42197	JOHN: when they finally come together to kick some ass, it is arguably more moving than when he reunites with his wife and daughter!
42198	JOHN: i wonder if i'll think that scene sucks now too? it used to move me to tears, but now i'll probably think it's so lame, i'm almost afraid to watch it. maybe i should try to leave at least SOME memories untainted.
42199	JADE: john you are kind of sounding like a crazy person here
42200	JOHN: yeah right! crazy like a fOWWW!
42201	JADE: what???
42202	JOHN: oh...
42203	JOHN: i guess there was a stray feather clinging to my pajamas and it just poked me in the ass.
42204	JOHN: god damn dave sprite.
42205	JOHN: that guy molts like it's going out of style.
42206	JADE: oh...
42207	JADE: heh
42208	JADE: yeah
42209	JOHN: where is he anyway?
42210	JOHN: i specifically told dave sprite several times when my party would start, because i knew he would do this.
42211	JOHN: he's already missed half the movie!
42212	JADE: why do you always call him dave sprite?
42213	JOHN: um... because that's his name?
42214	JOHN: dave sprite.
42215	JADE: no, i mean why do you always say it like that? with the space between words?
42216	JADE: its not dave sprite, its just davesprite
42217	JOHN: what ever.
42218	JOHN: i can't believe he's standing me up on my birthday.
42219	JOHN: maybe he doesn't want to hang out with jaspers?
42220	JOHN: jaspers, i hope you're not going to start chasing him around again when he gets here.
42221	JASPERSPRITE: Hisssss!
42222	JOHN: dude, shut up.
42223	JADE: yeah.... john
42224	JADE: i dont think davesprite is coming tonight
42225	JOHN: aw, man. really?
42226	JOHN: i knew we shouldn't have invited both him and jaspers.
42227	JOHN: that's just party planning BASICS.
42228	JADE: no...
42229	JADE: it has nothing to do with jaspers
42230	JOHN: oh.
42231	JOHN: then why?
42232	JADE: he uh...
42233	JADE: kind of broke up with me
42234	JOHN: what!!!
42235	JOHN: when did that happen?
42236	JADE: a couple days ago
42237	JOHN: no. no way.
42238	JOHN: i cannot accept this!
42239	JADE: john its ok you dont have t...
42240	JOHN: you and dave sprite were like the glue holding everything together on this miserable road trip!
42241	JADE: we were?
42242	JOHN: yes, jade.
42243	JOHN: you were our rock.
42244	JADE: your rock??
42245	JADE: what are you talking about?
42246	JOHN: come on, jade.
42247	JOHN: you and dave sprite were like... an INSTITUTION on this stupid golden battleship.
42248	JADE: we were not an institution!
42249	JADE: you are just saying meaningless things now
42250	JOHN: why did he break up with you?!
42251	JADE: um...
42252	JADE: its complicated
42253	JADE: basically hes just going through a lot of stuff right now
42254	JOHN: stuff??
42255	JOHN: what stuff.
42256	JOHN: jade, we are all going through stuff. you don't see me flying off the handle and breaking up with MY girlfriend.
42257	JADE: do uh...
42258	JADE: you have a girlfriend?
42259	JOHN: that is not the point.
42260	JOHN: the point is that dave sprite is a douche.
42261	JADE: i dont think hes a douche, hes just...
42262	JOHN: no, he's an orange feathery douche.
42263	JOHN: why is he such a basket case? he's like regular dave, but like, aloof enigma edition.
42264	JOHN: maybe it's because he's part bird? i think becoming a bird and a sprite did something weird to him.
42265	JADE: i dont think being a bird ever bothered him
42266	JADE: like i said... its all more complicated than that
42267	JOHN: normal dave was so much more level headed.
42268	JOHN: i have to admit, i spend a lot of time wondering what he and rose are up to.
42269	JADE: me too
42270	JOHN: ehh...
42271	JOHN: maybe it's for the best he broke up with you.
42272	JADE: why?
42273	JOHN: well, what kind of future do you think you would have with him?
42274	JOHN: he's a sprite. like really, what even is a sprite? how long do they live? will he still be around if we win the new game we are allegedly trying to get to?
42275	JADE: i dont know
42276	JOHN: there are a lot of things we don't know.
42277	JOHN: and also...
42278	JOHN: how do things even work if you marry a sprite?
42279	JADE: what do you mean
42280	JOHN: i mean...
42281	JOHN: ok, he has a ghost butt, for one thing.
42282	JADE: uh
42283	JADE: so
42284	JOHN: a GHOST BUTT, jade!
42285	JADE: SO WHAT IF HE HAS A GHOST BUTT!!!!!
42286	JOHN: i'm just saying...
42287	JADE: WHATEVER YOURE JUST SAYING, JUST STOP SAYING IT!
42288	JADE: and whatever youre trying to gesture with your hands there, stop doing that too!
42289	JOHN: what? no, i was just...
42290	JADE: nope!!! totally not talking about this
42291	JOHN: but
42292	JADE: put your hands down john
42293	JOHN: ok, fine.
42294	JADE: thats not down, thats up!
42295	JADE: oh well, at least youre not making those unsettling gestures...
42296	JADE: john...
42297	JADE: what are you doing?
42298	JOHN: nothing!
42299	JADE: i hope youre not entertaining some awkward train of thought about, uh...
42300	JOHN: no!!!
42301	JADE: what is with you??
42302	JADE: today is your birthday, youre supposed to be having fun!
42303	JADE: but youve been so testy, as if youre committed to not having a good time
42304	JOHN: well, maybe i'm just getting a little tired of being stuck on this lame boat!
42305	JOHN: don't you think it's gotten kind of old?
42306	JADE: yeah, i can see how you might find it a little slow here
42307	JADE: i dunno, i havent minded much... maybe its different for me though because i used to live all alone?
42308	JOHN: oh sure, i'm sure it's GREAT for you. you get to spend your days smooching and breaking up with dave sprite and what not, and you can shrink down to any old planet you feel like, any time. whereas i have to make this whole big deal of ASKING you to shrink or unshrink me, and...
42309	JADE: but i dont mind doing that any time!!!
42310	JOHN: i know, but you think i want to bug you about that at the drop of a hat? when you're busy and on dates and stuff? i just happen to have respect for something called PERSONAL BOUNDARIES, jade.
42311	JOHN: and it's not like there's really anyone else to talk to, except the inscrutable chess people and a bunch of brainless consorts and an idiot cat princess. oh and also nanna, but i mean, she's my grandmother, and she's great, but a guy can only spend so much quality time with his grandmother before he starts to feel like kind of a loser whose friends are too busy to spend time with him!
42312	JADE: john... if you told me this earlier i would have...
42313	JOHN: and i still never visit any interesting dream bubbles, and we can't even finish our cool planet quests because the moment we broke through the window all our denizens decided to go back to sleep, and...
42314	JOHN: i guess what i'm saying is, i'm MORE than ready to get to the other window and meet our friends and other new people and stuff.
42315	JOHN: are you sure you can't make the ship go faster???
42316	JADE: were already going as fast as i can make us go
42317	JOHN: and how fast is that again?
42318	JADE: about the speed of light!
42319	JOHN: well, can't you use your space powers and bump it up a notch?
42320	JADE: no! nothing can go faster than light john
42321	JADE: unless you teleport of course
42322	JOHN: and why can't you teleport us again?
42323	JADE: i already explained this! i cant do that here, its not within the domain of the green sun which gives me those powers!
42324	JOHN: is that why we can't go faster than light either?
42325	JADE: no thats just a regular law of physics!!! jeez
42326	JOHN: ok, i mean, i know that. but this isn't really a regular place, right?
42327	JOHN: isn't the speed of light like a thousand miles a second? so what does that really mean here? are miles and seconds the same here as on earth? how does this nonsense dimension we're racing through jive with all the relativity mumbo jumbo?
42328	JADE: ok first of all, thats not even close to the speed of light
42329	JADE: light travels at a hundred and eighty six thousand miles per second no matter what frame of reference youre in... even this one!
42330	JADE: second of all special relativity and comparing laws of physics between different frames of reference, those are tricky issues to talk about!
42331	JADE: but id be more than happy to talk about them if youd like. actually i would enjoy that because i never really get to talk about science wi...
42332	JOHN: no, i don't want to talk about physics! i don't know anything about the laws of physics, because they are hard and boring.
42333	JOHN: i simply would like them to behave in a way that is most convenient to ME and MY LIFE! is that really asking too much?
42334	JADE: yes as a matter of fact it is!
42335	JOHN: well, guess what? SCIENCE IS STUPID BULLSHIT!!!
42336	JADE: you take that back!!!!!
42337	JOHN: no.
42338	JOHN: magic is awesome.
42339	JOHN: science blows.
42340	JOHN: the end.
42341	JADE: john.....
42342	JADE: what is that?
42343	JOHN: what?
42344	JADE: under your hood...
42345	JADE: looks like a piece of paper stuck to your back?
42346	JOHN: huh?
42347	JOHN: oh god dammit.
42348	JOHN: STRIIIIIIDEEEERRRRRRRR!!!!!
42349	JOHN: THAT BASTARD!!!
42350	JADE: what?
42351	JOHN: THIS IS TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS.
42352	JADE: what is it??
42353	JOHN: I WILL TELL YOU WHAT IT IS.
42354	JOHN: IT IS THE LAST FUCKING STRAW!!!
42355	JOHN: RAAARARRAAUUUAAAAUUAGHGHGGHGGGGHHGH!
42356	JADE: where are you going?
42357	JOHN: I'M GOING TO GO KICK HIS ASS!
42358	JADE: what! john, no...
42359	JOHN: POSING AS MY DEAD FATHER BY MIMICKING ONE OF HIS GREAT FATHERLY NOTES HE USED TO HIDE AROUND THE HOUSE???
42360	JOHN: AND ON THE TWO YEAR ANNIVERSARY OF THE DAY HE WAS SLAIN BY JACK NOIR, A *FACT* OF WHICH THAT CHEEKY ORANGE ASSHOLE IS PLAINLY AWARE??????
42361	JOHN: THIS IS A NEW LOW, EVEN FOR DAVE SPRITE!
42362	JADE: ok yes, that practical joke is in poor taste, but you should try to calm down and...
42363	JOHN: NO, SCREW THAT, I AM SUPER PISSED OFF ABOUT THIS!
42364	JOHN: THERE IS ONLY ONE WAY TO SETTLE THIS, AND THAT IS WITH AN OLD FASHIONED BEATDOWN.
42365	JOHN: WHERE'S MY HAMMER!!!!!
42366	JADE: um
42367	JADE: which one?
42368	JOHN: ANY OLD HAMMER!
42369	JOHN: WHATEVER. IT COULD BE A HAMMER FROM THE BARGAIN BIN OF A HARDWARE STORE FOR ALL I CARE.
42370	JOHN: JUST GIVE ME ANYTHING THAT'S FIT FOR CLOBBERING A GHOST BOTTOMED DICK FACE WHO'S ALSO A BIRD.
42371	JADE: sigh
42372	JOHN: I'M COMING FOR YOU, DAVE SPRITE!
42373	JOHN: DO YOU HEAR ME, YOU MAGICAL SON OF A BITCH? I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR ME!
42374	JOHN: THAT STUNT WASN'T COOL! *YOU'RE* NOT COOL!
42375	JOHN: LIKE IT WASN'T BAD ENOUGH YOU DUMPED JADE FOR NO REASON. WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU!
42376	JOHN: YOU AND JADE WERE OUR ROCK ON THIS SHIP! YOU HEAR ME?? OUR ROOOOOOOOCK!!!
42377	JADE: :|
42378	JOHN: AND NOW *THIS* BULLSHIT??? WHAT THE HELL, MAN.
42379	JOHN: I DON'T GO AROUND LEAVING FAKE PUZZLES FOR YOU LIKE FROM THE MOVIE SAW, DO I? HAVE YOU EVER HEARD ME SAY I WANT TO PLAY A GAME EVEN *ONCE*?? WELL, HAVE YOU????
42380	JOHN: NO, BECAUSE THAT WOULD STIR UP PAINFUL MEMORIES OF A DEARLY DEPARTED LOVED ONE, AND THEREFORE WOULD BE UNBELIEVABLY SHITTY OF ME!!!!!!!!
42381	JOHN: HEY! I SEE YOU THERE!
42382	JOHN: GET DOWN FROM THERE RIGHT NOW, WISE GUY!
42383	JOHN: OH NO, DON'T PLAY DUMB. I CAN SEE YOU PLAIN AS DAY. I'M ON TO YOU, BUDDY.
42384	JOHN: STOP VAGUELY WATERMARKING THE SKY WITH YOUR SMUG DOUCHEY FACE THIS INSTANT AND FIGHT ME LIKE A MAN!!!
42385	JOHN: YEAH SURE, LAUGH IT UP! THAT MAKES YOU SEEM LIKE WAY LESS OF A TOOL. NICE GOING BRO!
42386	JOHN: EVERYONE ON THIS BOAT IS SICK AND TIRED OF YOUR BULLSHIT! WHY DON'T YOU JUST FLY AWAY AND LEAVE US ALONE?
42387	JOHN: HOW CAN YOU BE SO MUCH MORE OF A PRICK THAN THE REAL DAVE? YOU ARE THE MOST PISS POOR SUBSTITUTE FOR A BEST FRIEND A GUY EVER HAD.
42388	JOHN: I CAN'T *WAIT* TO MEET UP WITH THE REAL DAVE AGAIN. THAT WAY WE CAN ALL GO BACK TO THE AWESOME STATUS QUO OF PRETENDING YOU NEVER EXISTED IN THE FIRST PLACE!
42389	JADE: john...
42390	JADE: theres no one there
42391	JOHN: oh he's THERE alright.
42392	JOHN: he's probably just using some sprite magic so only i can see him.
42393	JOHN: don't you see, jade? he's antagonizing ME PERSONALLY, not you. he's done with you, remember?
42394	JOHN: he already used you like a rented mule, and now he is moving on to greener pastures.
42395	JADE: what pastures
42396	JOHN: it's me.
42397	JOHN: I'M the pastures.
42398	JOHN: and now his mule is grazing all over them, while he has a good laugh.
42399	JADE: what
42400	JADE: wasnt i supposed to be the mule?
42401	JADE: i dont think i understand your analogy
42402	JOHN: no, you see, it's...
42403	JOHN: the mule represented, like...
42404	JOHN: i don't know, like the spirit animal of his douchey ways. or something.
42405	JADE: ....
42406	JOHN: augh, WHO CAAARES.
42407	JOHN: who cares about mules, or pastures, or dave sprite's stupid ephemeral sky visage.
42408	JOHN: who cares about anything!!!
42409	JOHN: who cares about my birthday, or nic cage, or this boat full of idiots.
42410	JOHN: JUST.
42411	JOHN: WHO.
42412	JOHN: CARES.
42413	JADE: john i think youre officially throwing a tantrum here
42414	JADE: ...
42415	JADE: john?
42416	JADE: john...
42417	JADE: are you asleep?
42418	JADE: please dont tell me you just fell asleep in your driveway
42419	[If game doesn't play, try another browser. Chrome or Firefox Recommended.]
42420	[MAP]
42421	The door is locked. You knock, but no one answers.
42422	This seems to be an Alternian neighborhood. Aside from all the violence, Alternian culture seems like it must have been pretty similar to life on Beforus, lawn rings and all. Then again, as a spoiled runaway princess, you never did spend much time in the burbs, so what do you know.
42423	An ordinary domestic DROSS COFFER. It's full of smelly garbage, but it hasn't been dragged outside the ring yet. Maybe the waste collection drone isn't scheduled to make a pickup tonight?
42424	No self respecting Alternian troll kid would dare keep a dry, unwatered lawn ring. Letting the grass outside your hive turn yellow is just begging to get yourself culled. Harsh, but fair, you think. God life on Alternia was so great.
42425	Better leave it alone. Might have the troll rabies.
42426	You got an ALTERNIAN SOFT DRINK!
42427	You're not really up on Alternian history, but apparently at some point the empress got fed up with the Subjugglators' stranglehold on the soda market, and released a drink that was said to be more loaded with sugar than even the wicked elixir itself. The Highbloods considered such marketing reports to be blasphemous lies, however. And they were right. The beverage actually contained zero calories, which she secretly mandated so as to preserve her slim figure. But all the lowblood suckers guzzled cans down by the billions none the wiser, while the crafty Condesce raked in the cash.
42428	If someone actually told you this story, you'd spend the next ten minutes fangirling on the floor.
42429	The hovering maritime stallion issues a stern, fatherly neigh.
42430	CRONUS: wvell vwell wvelvlw...
42431	MEENAH: ...
42432	CRONUS: GLO8ES.
42433	MEENAH: wha
42434	CRONUS: i sawv you vwalking my vway, and i had this smooth line all ready to go.
42435	CRONUS: but for some reason i decided to open it vwith a tongue tvwister?
42436	CRONUS: vwery nice ampora, starting your killer line with three consecutivwe 'W' vwords in a rowv.
42437	MEENAH: what uh
42438	MEENAH: was your killer pickup line goin to be
42439	MEENAH: or should i ask
42440	CRONUS: sigh, nevwer evwen MIND, its so ruined nowv.
42441	CRONUS: i just sawv you strutting in my direction, vwith all of your impressivwe moxy and confidence, for the first time in, howv long?
42442	CRONUS: and i got a little excited. i vwas going to blowv you out of the vwater vwith that line, but, i guess nothings changed?
42443	MEENAH: guess not
42444	MEENAH: sounds like youre still the bard of tries too hard
42445	CRONUS: oh, nice. you alvways knewv howv to tvwist the fork.
42446	CRONUS: actually, all you girls are quite adept at tvwisting your respectivwe utensils.
42447	CRONUS: the guys too, now that i think about it. can i ask you a question? why do all you pretentious scenester types enjoy being so cruel to especially sensitivwe and artistic people?
42448	MEENAH: so i take it even after a billion sweeps here with a boat load of eligible spook shorties to mack on
42449	MEENAH: you still never got any action
42450	CRONUS: first you tvwist the fork, then you use it to pry into my personal life? thats really just so svwell of you, meenah.
42451	CRONUS: vwithout commenting specifically on that, (because seriously, VWHAT? so rude), i vwill say that it gets vwery frustrating after the first fewv epochs trying to make heads or tails vwhat people are evwen LOOKING for. i mean, in ANY quadrant.
42452	CRONUS: nowv, please don't tell anyone i said so, but you and i both knowv pretty much all these people should feel honored to go out vwith a guy like me.
42453	CRONUS: vwhat being royalty and all, and not evwen slightly put off by dating dowvn on the spectrum. i mean, really, howv much more evwident can i make it to evweryone that im really a cool, progressivwe, easy going dude, vwho doesnt take the social order seriously or buy into any of the stereotypes? first of all, as if the hemospectrum scene isnt 8EYOND played out.
42454	CRONUS: i barely EVWER evwen bring up my high social status. it couldnt be LESS of a big deal to me, but i think people maybe are still intimidated by it? theyre probably putting me on a pedestal, in spite of all my easy going assurances that my royal lineage is something i nevwer evwen think about. like, no friend, i am just like you. vwe laugh at the same jokes, listen to, vwell, to some extent, the same music...
42455	CRONUS: all these cats and kittens, im telling you. theyre alvways drawvn to the freaks and rejects. you havwe to be 8ROKEN in some vway to get a little concupiscent attention.
42456	CRONUS: they nevwer seem to givwe the time of day to a guy vwhos sensitivwe, and listens to people, and sticks to his poetry and music, and i guess... just someone vwho tries to be there for them.
42457	CRONUS: hovwevwer, the bright side of my vwarious rejections is that is has helped me craft a privwate list of people vwho are objectivwely fucking terrible, vwhich id be happy to share vw...
42458	CRONUS: meenah? vwhered you go?
42459	CRONUS: crud, she vwalked avway vwhile i vwas saying stuff.
42460	CRONUS: really blewv that one in record time.
42461	MEENAH: gonna make this quick
42462	MEENAH: and this aint like a diving board for you to launch off about your feelins and romprobs
42463	MEENAH: just gimme a straight answer
42464	MEENAH: im gettin a posse together to kill an invincible monster you want in y//n
42465	CRONUS: vwhoa, NICE. just got here, and youre already going diabolical, thats the tops.
42466	CRONUS: id lovwe to help. you knowv howv i lovwe to help out, and be there for attractivwe people. thats kind of my thing?
42467	CRONUS: but...
42468	MEENAH: ugh here we go
42469	CRONUS: meenah, i just dont think im in that kind of space nowv in my life. or afterlife, i mean.
42470	MEENAH: what space
42471	CRONUS: an aggressivwe space. ivwe been trying to cool it, be more introspectivwe, search my feelings, vwork on my music.
42472	CRONUS: i dont think id be much good in a fight. ivwe been trying to get in touch vwith vwho, or i guess vwhat, i really am, and i think ivwe been making some nice breakthroughs.
42473	CRONUS: im telling you this in confidence, but i think im approaching a kind of avwakening, especially since i first started learning about humans. i think i actually might be...
42474	MEENAH: nope
42475	MEENAH: nope nope nope nopenopenope
42476	MEENAH: stop saying whatever that was do not care
42477	CRONUS: youre right, i shouldnt burden you vwith my problems.
42478	CRONUS: forget i said anything. i vwouldnt vwant to compromise our friendship, not evwen to speak of the potential for us to devwelop into something more than just friends.
42479	CRONUS: oh, RIGHT. you asked me howv my music vwas going these days, didnt you?
42480	MEENAH: no
42481	CRONUS: its going pretty nicely, i think. been messing vwith dual sawvtooth vwavweforms, i think i really could be hitting on my signature sound.
42482	CRONUS: here, listen to this track. i vwrote it in anticipation of your arrivwal.
42483	CRONUS:
42484	MEENAH: not clickin that
42485	CRONUS: um, i see. then, vwhat about...
42486	CRONUS:
42487	MEENAH: nah
42488	CRONUS:
42489	MEENAH: ew
42490	CRONUS: vwait... i probably shouldnt havwe showvn you those. ok, hold on. i knowv i havwe something here youll dig.
42491	CRONUS:
42492	MEENAH: so that was a no to my invite then
42493	MEENAH: which got rescinded halfway thru this convo anyways
42494	MEENAH: time to jet before before you sketch me out some more crotimes
42495	CRONUS: oh, the vwantas lookalike?
42496	CRONUS: yeah he came by this vway. i tried to start a friendly convwersation vwith him, but he just flipped me off and locked himself in that hivwe up there.
42497	CRONUS: looks like he conjured the memory of some sort of complicated puzzle door from some ancient ruins. i tried to open it but it looks totally impossible. the kid sure knovws howv to givwe a guy the cold shoulder.
42498	CRONUS: vwhat do you vwant vwith him anyvway?
42499	MEENAH: nofin bye
42500	CRONUS: ah. i see howv it is. cronus gets the shaft, vwhile you scurry avway to flirt vwith some infantile loudmouth. vwhy am i not surprised?
42501	CRONUS: guess im neither mentally unstable or a big enough asshole to catch your eye. no big deal, ill just record my feelings on the subject through a bit of slam poetry and bubble my sorrowvs throughout the... and, yep. looks like im talking to myself again. shes gone.
42502	Ew, no. There's not a snowbubble's chance in monster hell you're being this guy.
42503	You got a DIAMOND KEY!
42504	What?? Some careless soul has left this poor infant grub all alone to fend for itself!
42505	So in other words, just like all grubs on Alternia. Big whoop.
42506	You got a CLAWSICKLE!
42507	You absolutely love this due to its nautical nature. Also, hoarding items such as this will nicely complement your increasingly manic obsession with Karkat.
42508	You got a whole bunch of SEA DWELLER BLING!
42509	It's pretty obvious this all belongs to Cronus over there. He's just not wearing it right now so he can convince everyone he doesn't feel like his royalty status is a big deal, even though he does.
42510	You have no problem whatsoever selling this shit to the highest bidder though. You pocket the gaudy loot while giggling.
42511	BANG BANG BANG! Is anybody home??? you say. But of course no one is, because most of these hives are just memory projections.
42512	You got AHAB'S CROSSHAIRS!
42513	You raise this awesome legendary weapon to the heavens and watch it sparkle a bit...
42514	Just before you bring it down on your knee and snap it in half, while laughing maniacally. You hear a muffled sob from Ampora's direction.
42515	Is it... could it be???
42516	IT IS! IT'S PROBLEM SLEUTH, ACE DICK, AND PICKLE INSPECTOR, IN THEIR ORIGINAL PROSPITIAN ATTIRE! YOU KNEW IT! YOU KNEW YOU WOULD FIND THEM EVENTUALLY! IT'S SO GREAT TO MEET ...
42517	Wait.
42518	This is not Problem Sleuth, Ace Dick, and Pickle Inspector. These are just some random Prospitians who are similarly proportioned.
42519	You got GAME GRUB MAGAZINE!
42520	This publication is absolutely dripping with exclusive grub leaks. Actually it's a pretty disgusting magazine.
42521	MEENAH: hey bro
42522	MEENAH: pretty nice stunt there
42523	MEENAH: i offered a highfive but you sorta missed
42524	MITUNA: W4HH FFFF 5H17H1H7 5H17
42525	MEENAH: uh its cool g dont wig out
42526	MEENAH: just take a rain check on it
42527	MEENAH: more hand slaps where that came from you know?
42528	MITUNA: N0 LE7H5 D00 7H1G5
42529	MITUNA: GR0D
42530	MITUNA: D344NM 17 1 F3L3L D0WN 4G41N
42531	MEENAH: uh no seriously
42532	MEENAH: forget the highfive i dont wanna be responsible for you hurtin yourself
42533	MITUNA: G00 F1LL37 UR N00K
42534	MEENAH: dude you are foul and unpleasant as ever
42535	MEENAH: thought dyin might have took the edge off but guess not
42536	MITUNA: K17H5 MY CH4GR1N 7UNK3L Y0U 5N4NK 4ZZ CHUM8UCK357
42537	MEENAH: man why you got to hate
42538	MEENAH: and listen bro you better watch it with those slurs
42539	MEENAH: unless you want kankri giving you tha biz
42540	MITUNA: 1M 50RRY
42541	MEENAH: ill keep this quick
42542	MEENAH: come right out and ask
42543	MEENAH: you ever get god tier tunaboy
42544	MITUNA: WH4H47
42545	MITUNA: N0G3
42546	MITUNA: M4Y83 1 M347
42547	MITUNA: 1 D0N7 D0N7
42548	MEENAH: okaaay
42549	MEENAH: look take off your rad shirt deal and lemme see if you got wings
42550	MITUNA: 3H3HH3H7H37H37H3 YY35
42551	MITUNA: 7H0NGH7 Y0DU N3V3R 45K
42552	MITUNA: 817HCH 4C4M3 4R0UN57 70 MY W1L135 MU7H4FUCK5!
42553	MITUNA: W417 H3LUP
42554	MITUNA: H3LP H0W D01 74K3 0FF MY CL07H37H 4G41N?
42555	MEENAH: yeah keep your shirt on you made that exchange beyond awful
42556	M1TUN4: 1M 50RRY
42557	MEENAH: you know of anyone else who might be god tier in secret
42558	MITUNA: N08U7 1 CL0UD GR0G4N1Z3 4 8088L3 W1D3 57HR1P534RCH
42559	MITUNA: 574R71NG W17H Y0U0 3H37H3H3737H3
42560	MEENAH: you are
42561	MEENAH: the worst
42562	MEENAH: hey tuna you want to help me go kill haha i cant even finish this question while staying serious
42563	MITUNA: N0 8U7H WH47 1 D0 W4NK
42564	MITUNA: 17H 70 M4N741N7 PR3C4R10U5 8U7 M057HL3Y 5U5741N3D 84L4NC3 0N MY 71GH7 4ZZ F4LLD0WN 5L47
42565	MITUNA: M4YF3 GR1N D0N 50M3 5H17
42566	MEENAH: what will you grind on
42567	MITUNA: 1 V0LUN733R
42568	MITUNA: 7H47 7H1NG 70 83
42569	MITUNA: U0YU0U
42570	MEENAH: gross bro
42571	MEENAH: dunno how latula even deals
42572	MITUNA: 1M 50RRY
42573	MITUNA: 8U73 4L50
42574	MITUNA: FUCH Y0UR 4ND Y0UR FUCKY CHUMPHY 5UCKYFUCK FR0NGHUMPH1NG 8R1ND3 573M R1G7H UP3 Y0UR 5H17F7Y PH3L5M504K3D PR083CHU7H3 71L7 1Z 5UCK 4ZZ 8171CH 15 5UCKKY 5UCHY FUCK37Y 5UCKH0L3 FUCKY FCUK3Y FUCK FUCK FUCK
42575	MEENAH: holy mackerel
42576	MEENAH: them was sick fires mostly
42577	MEENAH: hey isnt the afterlife supposed to heal people or
42578	MEENAH: i dont undersand
42579	MEENAH: why is it that pyrope still cant smell
42580	MEENAH: and you still got horrible brain problems
42581	MEENAH: i give up on figuring out the existential mysteries
42582	MITUNA: W4D3R
42583	MEENAH: )(-EY FUCK YOU!!!
42584	KANKRI: I feel I sh9uld jump in here at this m9ment, 6ef9re this escalates any further, and we start thr9wing ar9und hateful rhet9ric that we can't take 6ack.
42585	MEENAH:
42586	KANKRI: Mituna, I kn9w y9u 9ften struggle with this, 6ut y9u just used an extremely der9gat9ry and hurtful caste-specific slur, which as y9u pr96a6ly kn9w was 9nce c9mm9nly used t9 disparage sea-dwelling mem6ers 9f 9ur s9ciety, 9r land-dwelling castes wh9 were especially c9mplicit in furthering the 9ppressive Fuscia-D9wn p9wer structure. N9w, we all need t9 realize that R9yal-Vs and th9se rare few wh9 are even higher such as Meenah, as mem6ers 9f the arist9cracy enj9y a tremend9us p9siti9n 9f privilege 9ver 9thers, and theref9re we cann9t view such ver6al transgressi9ns against them as equivalent t9 th9se targeting the underprivileged, 6ut it needs t9 6e p9inted 9ut that such radi9active language is a6s9lutely the w9rst kind 9f well-p9is9ning which is n9thing 6ut c9unterpr9ductive when 9thers are trying t9 pursue an h9nest dial9gue a69ut critically imp9rtant s9cial pr96lems.
42587	MITUNA: .................,....
42588	KANKRI: And Meenah, while I can understand y9ur frustrati9n 9ver 6eing ver6ally assaulted under any circumstance, it is incum6ent 9n me t9 remind y9u that Mituna requires a certain am9unt 9f special c9nsiderati9n and m9re than a little patience. Please try t9 resist taking his 6ait, which I'm guessing is m9stly well intended(?), 6ef9re its c9ntenti9us undert9w pulls y9u further int9 an exchange laden with deeply pr96lematic expressi9ns 9f a6leism, a6leist slurs, and 9ther such manifestati9ns 9f unc9nsci9na6ly unchecked a6ility privilege.
42589	MEENAH: vantas what the actual fuck are you doing here
42590	MEENAH: how are you even in this chat yo
42591	MEENAH: you arent even remotely in the same corporeal vicinity as us like i literally do not understand how you just jumped into the conversation like that
42592	MEENAH: can you maybe get lost?
42593	KANKRI: 9n the 9ther hand, if I'm 6eing h9nest, I've f9und Mituna's entire existence t9 6e a pretty pr96lematic impediment t9 the advancement and 9verall awareness 9f a6leism and its painful manif9ld c9nsequences f9r una6ilitied pers9ns. The speech impediment, frankly, I c9uld d9 with9ut, and I'm 6y n9 means ecstatic 9ver his t9rrential 6ig9try and h9stility. 9n the 9ne hand, I want t9 6e sensitive t9 him as a pers9n and as a friend, 6ut 9n the 9ther, what kind 9f message d9es his 6ehavi9r send? And frankly, I'm n9t crazy a69ut the helmet, either.
42594	MITUNA: W4LT5 WR00NG W17H MY H4ML37 8(
42595	KANKRI: N9thing, friend, it's a really c99l helmet and it's a g99d l99k f9r y9u. 6ut are we n9w t9 assume that all th9se wh9 are stricken with y9ur particular disadvantage9n will 6e similarly pr9ne t9 require such headgear, due t9 falling d9wn and hitting their heads frequently?
42596	MITUNA: 8U7H 1 D0 F4LL D0WN 4ND H157 MY H34D FR3QUN3UN74NY
42597	KANKRI: 9h, I kn9w y9u d9, and I think y9u sh9uld c9ntinue wearing it f9r y9ur safety, particularly if y9u c9ntinue t9 insist 9n fl9undering a69ut 9n y9ur danger9us t9y. It's m9re a69ut the unf9rtunate message y9u are sending 9verall, with certain aspects 9f y9ur pers9nality and existence, that's all.
42598	MITUNA: 1M 50RRY
42599	KANKRI: As a friend, I w9uldn't want t9 change anything a69ut y9u, well, n9t m9st things. I just think y9u may n9t 6e d9ing y9urself 9r th9se wh9 are similarly disadvantaged any fav9rs with, what I'm h9ping, is a perfectly inn9cent array 9f traits and mannerisms. 8ut again, I say this with all due sensitivity.
42600	MEENAH: vantas youre being a shit dont talk about him like that
42601	KANKRI: Anyway, I didn't mean t9 derail. I'll 6e 9n my way. Please c9ntinue y9ur discussi9n, and try t9 keep s9me 9f the issues I descri6ed at length in mind.
42602	MEENAH: i hate all of my friends so fucking much
42603	MEENAH: dogg before you even start with your junk i just wanna point out i can barely understand a word you say
42604	MITUNA: 1M 50RRY
42605	MEENAH: like between your codawful quirk
42606	MEENAH: and your variety of weird conflicting speech impediments
42607	MEENAH: and the fact that even aside from all the shitty numbers you stick in words youre still misspellin half a what you say
42608	MEENAH: i just gtfu
42609	MITUNA: 817H1CH WH4Y D0N7 Y0U 5H00V3 M0Y R4D 1NJURJY P4N3L 1N7H0 URR N457H7Y 53XXXU4L3 PR1V457 P4R7H 0RF P3R3RF3R3R4NC3
42610	MEENAH: thank fuck you were never a major playa at least from my personal vantage over the course a this ridicu huge narrative
42611	MEENAH: probably woulda offed my shellf even schooner if i had to hear you talk much
42612	MITUNA: ..,.,..,,...,..,.,.
42613	MITUNA: 50RRY
42614	This custodian really has his hands full, taking care of that guy. You kind of feel for the hideous monster.
42615	You got a CLUB KEY!
42616	Can't open it! Maybe if you try with someone else...
42617	CRONUS: hey, chief. looking good today. is that a newv helmet?
42618	MITUNA: N0 U FUCFK7H7H7HHH
42619	CRONUS: easy there, it vwas a joke. of course its not a newv helmet. vwhat, do you think im retar... um, short on common sense?
42620	MITUNA: N0
42621	CRONUS: did you see meenah go by?
42622	MITUNA: N0
42623	CRONUS: she vwent that vway, didnt she?
42624	MITUNA: N0
42625	CRONUS: are you sure?
42626	MITUNA: N0
42627	CRONUS: listen mate, i dont mean to call you a liar, but i sawv her vwalk up to you.
42628	MITUNA: N0
42629	CRONUS: i vwas spying on both of you from behind the hivwe ovwer there. i sawv you do a seriously groovwy face plant off the railing.
42630	MITUNA: N0 N0 N0 N0 N0 N0 N0 N0 N0 N0 N0 N0 N0 N0
42631	CRONUS: hahaha. youre really priceless, captor. havwe i evwer told you vwhat a cool cat i think you are?
42632	MITUNA: WHY 4R3 Y0U 70UCH1N9 M3?
42633	CRONUS: i really feel like youre one of the only people i can open up to about my feelings. i guess it really does help to confide in someone vwho basically lacks the ability to repeat vwhat you say vwith any clarity or coherence, or evwen understand vwhat you said in the first place.
42634	MITUNA: Y0UR3 571LL 70UCH1NG M3 4ND 1 D0N7 UND3R574ND WHY 7H15 15 H4PP3PP1NG
42635	CRONUS: but truth be told, i alvways felt that vway about you before you evwen started havwing, vwell, your issues. vwe alvways had a good thing together, didnt vwe?
42636	MITUNA: 1 D0N7 W4N7 Y0UR H4ND 7H3R3
42637	CRONUS: dont get me vwrong, i knowv you and latula are in a vwery committed matespritship, though lets face facts, she could obvwiously do better. and i mean much better. really she is just in a totally different league, she is charming and gorgeous, vwhereas you are, vwell... you, unfortunately. and i vwouldnt dare to intrude on your longstanding moirallegiance vwith kurloz, and not because he scares the shit out of me either. that just really seems to vwork, you and him, doesnt it? i dont get a peep out of him of course, not evwen if im super nice and compliment his hideous hair, and obvwiously i receivwe nothing but disgusting horseshit out of your mouth evwery time you open it. but you seem to bring good qualities out of each other, no? is it true, the rumor that you are actually lucid vwhen you talk to him, instead of behavwing like a babbling, vwertigo stricken imbecile?
42638	MITUNA: WHY W0N7 7H3 W31RD 70UCH1NG 570P
42639	CRONUS: but vwhat im trying to say is, you dont judge like the others. vwell, ok, you do, but i cant really take your vwitriol that seriously because you are so obvwiously retar... reticent vwith your true emotions. like for instance, vwho could i confide in vwhen i began to fully come to terms vwith this feeling deep inside that i vwas actually a human "born" in the body of a troll, but nevwer realized it until learning about the humans? nobody. except you, of course. you dont care that i am humankin. you dont mock me for it and trivwialize my tragic existence. vwell, you do, but the point im trying to make is that vwhen you mock me it doesnt actually mean anything, because evwerything you say is such putrid nonsense.
42640	MITUNA: 1 W4N7 7H47 Y0UR H4ND 70 N07 83 0N MY 80DY PL3453
42641	CRONUS: vwhat? no, come on guy. im just givwing you a friendly little shoulder massage, vwith one hand, like this. see? in a vway that seems vwery casual, like "bros" do. please dont make this more awvkvward than it needs to be.
42642	MITUNA: 1M 50RRY
42643	CRONUS: i forgivwe you.
42644	CRONUS: nowv hold that thought. im going to see if i can go catch up vwith meenah. dont followv me, because obvwiously youre going to cramp my style. hovw does my hair look? nevwer mind, you dont knowv vwhat youre talking about, ill just use your reflectivwe vwisor to check myself out. yes, looking great.
42645	MITUNA: C4N 1 C0M3 W17H Y0U
42646	CRONUS: jeepers, youre a thick headed fella. i just told you to stay put. im going to try out some especially bold movwes on peixes ovwer there, really put out the vwibe, you dig? i dont think i need to remind you that your presence vwill be like spraying the area vwith libidocide.
42647	MITUNA: WH47
42648	CRONUS: uh, beforus to captor. hello, this is mission control, is anything getting through that helmet? i am saying that your presence is sexual poison, and if you are drooling nearby vwhile i chat her up, she vwill become distracted and havwe trouble picturing me naked. as a vwing man, i must say, you are a true fucking disgrace.
42649	MITUNA: 1M 50RRY
42650	CRONUS: please stop apologizing so much, its really unattractivwe. at this point evwen IM not sure if i vwant to sleep vwith you.
42651	CRONUS: nowv before i go, i just need to think of a good vway to break the ice. oh, ivwe got it! ill open vwith some jokes about howv hilarious it vwas vwhen you fell on your face ovwer there, and vwhat absolutely incredible fuckup you are on evwery levwel.
42652	CRONUS: thank you for the inspiration, friend.
42653	CRONUS: oh, i almost forgot. ivwe been vworking on a song i think you might...
42654	MITUNA: Y0UR MU51C 15 5H17 4ND 1 FUCK1NG H473 Y0U
42655	CRONUS: vwowv, hahaha. fair enough.
42656	CRONUS: really, thats totally fair. hurtful beyond my ability to capture vwith language, but fair.
42657	CRONUS: but seriously, stay here. im going to go vwork my "magic" on peixes. not literally of course, because as i learned through a series of crushing revwelations during my adolescence, magic isnt real.
42658	CRONUS: vwait here, try not to fall dowvn, and ABOVWE ALL, try not to be seen.
42659	MITUNA: 4LR1GH7H
42660	Hey Eridan! Or whatever your name is! I'll go on a date with you!!!
42661	CRONUS: you vwill?
42662	Absolutely. I find you attractive, and your personality is basically tolerable to me.
42663	CRONUS: um... alright, sure. guess beggars cant be choosers.
42664	Sorry bro, I was only using you to get close to your beautiful floating seahorse!
42665	Giddyup, seahorse dad. Up, up, and away!
42666	CRONUS: this is literally the vworst case scenario for my feelings.
42667	CRONUS: HEY! i thought i told you to stay put.
42668	MITUNA: W7HF7F?
42669	CRONUS: i told you to stay here in exactly this spot.
42670	MITUNA: 1 D1
42671	CRONUS: vwell, she vwas gone. SOMEONE must havwe frightened her avway.
42672	CRONUS: you must havwe spaced out and vwandered into vwiewv briefly. she probably got one look at you and couldnt split fast enough.
42673	MITUNA: N0 1 S7H4Y3D H3R3 L1K3 Y0U 7H41D
42674	CRONUS: vwonderful. this is just exactly vwhat i needed, vwhat vwith all my frayed emotions lately. thanks a lot, "buddy.
42675	MITUNA: 1M 50RRY
42676	CRONUS: no youre not. youre lying.
42677	CRONUS: your vwhole bifurcated demeanor is such an act. half the time you are noxious and incomprehensible, and the other half you are mild and contrite? sure, "PAL.
42678	CRONUS: as if im not SO on to you. you only pretend to say youre sorry to get girls to like you more. sure seems like pyropes a sucker for the ruse. like im not familiar vwith THOSE tactics. vwho do you think vwrote the book on that??
42679	MITUNA: 1 D0N7 NK0W W0W WR073 7H3 800K
42680	CRONUS: be quiet. i really dislike the sound of you.
42681	CRONUS: do you realize because of you, it may be EPOCHS before i get another shot vwith her? you just had to crawvl out of the bushes and shit your space suit in plain sight.
42682	MITUNA: 1M 50RRY
42683	CRONUS: i said shut up. do you havwe any idea vwhat a man of my class vwould do if a mustard blood like you spoke to me this vway on alternia? honestly, sometimes i think i vwas hatched in the vwrong univwerse, let ALONE the vwrong body.
42684	CRONUS: i am so sick of havwing to pretend to treat you vwith the dignity you vwouldnt deservwe evwen if you COULD count the scars on my forehead. you couldnt tell me the ansvwer if i asked vwhat your favworite number vwas.
42685	MITUNA: 7W0!!11!!!!111!!!!!1111111
42686	CRONUS: dont interrupt. youre a horrible friend and a horrible person.
42687	CRONUS: latula is only vwith you out of pity. she doesnt havwe real feelings for you. no one could.
42688	CRONUS: you are a brain damaged reject on a team full of rejects. a rejects reject. i vwould havwe culled you myself if that vword meant vwhat it should havwe on our planet.
42689	MEENAH: A)(-EM
42690	CRONUS: vwhoah uh
42691	CRONUS: meenah!
42692	CRONUS: vwowv... hmm.
42693	CRONUS: VWOWV
42694	CRONUS: howv long uh...
42695	CRONUS: vwere you standing there?
42696	MEENAH: douche
42697	CRONUS: vwelp.
42698	CRONUS: i fucked up vwith her, probably beyond repair this time.
42699	MITUNA: 4H4H4H4HH44H4H
42700	CRONUS: guess ill attempt ghost suicide YET AGAIN.
42701	CRONUS: of course by vwhich i mean, tell people i did, to vwin sympathy points.
42702	MITUNA: D0357H H47 W0RK
42703	CRONUS: not really.
42704	MITUNA: WHY D0NK Y0U 7RY 17
42705	CRONUS: vwhat... vwith you?
42706	MITUNA: Y37H
42707	CRONUS: vwell, this is clearly absurd, but nyeh, vwhat the heck.
42708	CRONUS: mituna, i just cant take it anymore. i think my ghost is going to kill itself.
42709	MITUNA: WH0W4H L375 FUCK!!!!!
42710	CRONUS: vwait...
42711	CRONUS: really?
42712	MITUNA: N0 0Y0 P135H3 0FF 1ND107 FUGG1NG G4R484G3
42713	CRONUS: oh.
42714	MEENAH: yo that was some scuzzy repartee there even for you crodog
42715	CRONUS: the last thing my feelings need is your harsh judgment. i just cant handle that, on top of evwerything else youvwe done to me.
42716	MEENAH: what the fuck else i done to you??
42717	CRONUS: you ignored me.
42718	MEENAH: ugh
42719	CRONUS: this is serious. please dont dismiss my emotions like that.
42720	CRONUS: look, i havwe an especially tortured and confused sole. i reelly cant afjord anemone more greef from you.
42721	MEENAH: i cannot
42722	MEENAH: B-ELI-EV-E
42723	MEENAH: you are doing my fish pun thing while youre still tryin to hit on me
42724	CRONUS: nyeh. vworth a shot.
42725	MEENAH: dont ever say a fish thing again or ill gut you
42726	CRONUS: you knowv, youre being a bit hypocritical here, dont you think?
42727	MEENAH: what
42728	CRONUS: taking me to task for ripping captor a sorely deservwed newv nook.
42729	CRONUS: like you arent evwen more guilty of abusing the poor fella.
42730	MEENAH: youre such a glubbin liar
42731	CRONUS: oh am i?
42732	CRONUS: tell me, pray tell, vwho vwas it exactly, in vwhich alternate univwerse, that used growvnup captor as a livwing vwarp drivwe in her spaceship for millenia?
42733	MEENAH: hey that wasnt me
42734	MEENAH: i mean
42735	MEENAH: not yet... uh
42736	MEENAH: alternate ways
42737	CRONUS: oh sure. no grub sauce on your hands!
42738	MEENAH: wow you did it
42739	MEENAH: ampora you totally changed my mind about you lets start makin out immediately
42740	CRONUS: just admit it. you havwe it vwithin you to be just as harsh to our behelmeted buddy as i am, if not more.
42741	MEENAH: man
42742	MEENAH: a girls gotta have fuel for her pimp ride know what im sayin
42743	MEENAH: like
42744	MEENAH: i probably took care of him good
42745	MEENAH: you know how it is someones gotta take care of the guy anyways
42746	MEENAH: and... yeah
42747	CRONUS: oh, howv the rationalizations begin to flowv vwhen it suits your ovwerinflated ego. so vwery typical of the kind of people vwho reject me.
42748	MEENAH: at least i dont think im an alien
42749	CRONUS: vwhat? vwhat are you talking about?
42750	MEENAH: look at you all frontin in that stupid getup
42751	MEENAH: with your slicked hair and that dumb little wand in your mouth
42752	CRONUS: excuse me. its not a vwand. you knovw perfectly vwell my vwizarding days are behind me. its called a "human cigarette" and apparently youre supposed to set it on fire.
42753	CRONUS: although if you ask me, burning it seems like a vwaste of a perfectly good and cool "cigarette.
42754	MEENAH: i heard a rumor you think youre a human now
42755	MEENAH: that true
42756	CRONUS: its a privwate matter. i dont see vwhy i should havwe to talk about it vwith you, and open myself up to more of your judgmental scorn.
42757	MEENAH: sounds like another desperate cry for attention imo
42758	KANKRI: I feel I sh9uld jump in here at this m9ment, Meenah, 6ef9re y9u inadvertently shame Cr9nus f9r his extremely delicate feelings 9f species dysph9ria.
42759	CRONUS: no, kankri... man, you dont need to jump in here and defend me like this. i got it.
42760	MEENAH: aaaand im gone
42761	MEENAH: you bros can figure out your boring feelings without me
42762	CRONUS: meenah vwait... awv man. just like that, shes out of my life again. you had to go and fuck it up for me, didnt you? some "friends" i havwe.
42763	KANKRI: Listen, I was d9ing y9u a fav9r. Y9u d9n't need t9 6e dating any9ne wh9 can't appreciate y9u f9r wh9 y9u really are, 9r m9re imp9rtantly, which fantasy versi9n 9f y9urself y9u m9st str9ngly identify with.
42764	CRONUS: yeah, youre probably right. she doesnt appreciate me. so fevw of you cats do, really.
42765	CRONUS: to be honest, she might be right. sometimes i think i might only be saying im a human to get attention. maybe i should givwe it up.
42766	KANKRI: I'd 6e extremely disapp9inted t9 hear that, if it were true. That w9uld 6e such a slap in the face t9 all th9se wh9 kn9w themselves t9 6e an alien while trapped in the pedestrian 69dy 9f their 9wn race. It w9uld 6e unspeaka6ly invalidating 9f their struggles and massively triggering t9 their em9ti9ns.
42767	KANKRI: 6ut f9rtunately, I kn9w y9u w9uld never st99p as l9w as that. Y9u understanda6ly have d9u6ts a69ut y9ur feelings and pr96a6ly d9wnplay them as a defense mechanism, since s9 few are prepared t9 rec9gnize the legitimacy 9f y9ur plight. 6ut I am, and I just wanted y9u t9 kn9w that I'm here f9r y9u, and am prepared t9 lecture t9 y9u extensively, I mean, listen t9 y9u extensively, a69ut y9ur ultra-imp9rtant pr96lem.
42768	CRONUS: vwowv. thanks, pal.
42769	CRONUS: youre right. my feelings really are real. not fake, like the huge disappointing fraud that magic turned out to be.
42770	CRONUS: i guess the truth is, deep dowvn i alvways knewv i vwas a 1950s-style human greaser.
42771	CRONUS: i just needed to finally be introduced to human culture to make sense of those feelings.
42772	KANKRI: W9nderful. I'm s9 happy y9u have f9und the light 9f truth within y9urself. N9w j9in me in tagging 9ur discussi9n with righte9us warnings, as we c9nsecrate y9ur disadvantage in the h9ly annals 9f Pr96lematics.
42773	MITUNA: H3Y 8R0 W4N7H0 H3R3 S0M3 57HL4M P037RY 1 M4D3
42774	MITUNA: H3 JU57 8R0K3 MY 5K4T3 804RD 1N H4LF 4ND W4LK3D 4W4Y
42775	You got a TAROT DECK!
42776	Any aspiring seer would be crazy not to keep one of these on hand. Maybe you'll try selling it to Kankri later, or that talkative broad in the orange nightgown.
42777	This does not contain your memory. Only Meulin can access this bubble.
42778	MEENAH: yo freak remember me
42779	KURLOZ:
42780	MEENAH: so
42781	MEENAH: so what kinda conversation could we even have that wouldnt be weird and awkward
42782	KURLOZ:
42783	MEENAH: i sea
42784	MEENAH: got anyfin for me other than an eerie glare and a gross stiched up smile
42785	KURLOZ:
42786	MEENAH: whats the wicked word these days
42787	KURLOZ:
42788	MEENAH: shit be cold home skillet
42789	MEENAH: so i guess i want you to join my army
42790	MEENAH: maybe
42791	MEENAH: if you promise you aint gonna be too capricious or clown ass batshit or whatever
42792	KURLOZ:
42793	MEENAH: well least your honest about it
42794	MEENAH: got any crazy chucklevoodoo tips on how to kill a cherub?
42795	KURLOZ:
42796	MEENAH: so
42797	MEENAH: nothing to say as usual then
42798	KURLOZ:
42799	MEENAH: its awesome we had this talk
42800	You wouldn't even know how to BEGIN being this oddball. Best to just leave him alone.
42801	You got a JUJU!
42802	A VOODOO DOLL to be exact. You wonder what happens if you pull one of these pins...
42803	Nah, better leave them be. Got a bad feeling about this thing. Really bad, uh... what's the word you're looking for. Bad...
42804	Mojo?
42805	You got a SPADE KEY!
42806	You got a JUJU!
42807	Looks to be a CHESS SET, to be specific. It's quite lovely. But...
42808	A bunch of the pieces are missing. :(
42809	Examine:
42810	You got an OLIVE POTION!
42811	This is supposed to be a love potion. Just one sip and AUGH, IT'S JUST MORE NASTY TROLL BLOOD. What the hell is going on here? Who is even bottling this stuff?
42812	Oh well, you'll hang on to it anyway. Maybe you'll be able to con some lovestruck sucker out of a whole mess of boonies for this slop.
42813	You got a TEA POT!
42814	mmmm
42815	chameowmile
42816	You got a pair of ACTION CLAWS!
42817	Whoa, easy there... you could accidentally grab one of them firmly, and then drag it across your face diagonally if you're not careful.
42818	This does not contain your memory. Only Kurloz can access this bubble.
42819	You got a HEART KEY!
42820	MEENAH: sup meu
42821	MEULIN: (=`?�=) < 33333333333!!!!!!!!!
42822	MEULIN: (^�?�^ ) < GOMGOMGOGOMGOGMMGOMGOMGOGMOGMOGMOG. MOG!!!
42823	MEENAH: whoa leijon
42824	MEENAH: your rumble spheres
42825	MEENAH: clam those suckas this instant
42826	MEULIN: (^�x�^) < NO.
42827	MEULIN: (=^?^=) < I WILL NOT CLAM THEM.
42828	MEULIN: ?(=^???^=)? < THEY WILL STAY WILDLY AND GL33FURRY UNCLAMMED, BECAUSE, AND I REPEAT:
42829	MEULIN: (^?o?^)? < MOG.
42830	MEENAH: mog
42831	MEULIN: (=^?^=) < MOG, M33NAH.
42832	MEULIN: ~(=^?^)? < _MOG_!!!!!!!!!
42833	MEENAH: idgi
42834	MEULIN: (^./_.^)? < M33NAH. MOG COULD NOT BE ANY SIMPLER.
42835	MEENAH: dude fuck mog
42836	MEENAH: oh wait you mean omg
42837	MEULIN: (=^???^=) < (=^-?-^=)
42838	MEENAH: well fuck that too
42839	MEENAH: i know you cant physically monitor the volume of your piercing fangirly shrieks but try to keep it down
42840	MEENAH: like just be normal excited for once
42841	MEULIN: (^./_.^)
42842	MEENAH: or
42843	MEENAH: should i say
42844	MEENAH: "fur pounce
42845	MEULIN: (=^?^=) < 333333333333333333333333333333333!!!!!!!!!
42846	MEULIN: (^?o?^) < M33NAH I MISSED YOU SOOOOOOO MUUUUUUUUCH! WHY DIDN'T WE EVER HANG OUT WHEN WE WERE ALIVE???
42847	MEULIN: (=^?^=) < I HAD SO MUCH TIME TO PAWNDER THAT AND IT'S ONE OF MY D33PEST REGRETS.
42848	MEENAH: it was probably cause you didnt like me very much
42849	MEENAH: but s'chool no one really did
42850	MEULIN: (=^???^=) < WHAAAT. THAT'S NOT TRUE! I'M SURE I LIKED YOU! DIDN'T I?
42851	MEENAH: i mean i did try to kill you a couple times
42852	MEULIN: (^�x�^) < YOU DID? I DON'T REMEMBER THAT...
42853	MEENAH: water under the crossing trestle
42854	MEULIN: (^?o?^) < YES!!!
42855	MEULIN: (^./_.^)? < BUT, UM, IF YOU TRIED TO KILL ME, SHOULDN'T I BE THE ONE TO SAY THAT TO YOU?
42856	MEENAH: ...
42857	MEENAH: lejayjay how about you shut up and go back to being excited to see me
42858	MEULIN: (=T?T=) < 3333333333333333333333333333333333333333333!!!!!!!!!
42859	MEENAH: can we plz cool it on the shitty mimes tho
42860	MEENAH: seriously cant understand what your tryin to say half the time
42861	MEULIN: (=^???^=) < WE HAVE TO CATCH UP RIGHT AWAY. YOU MISSED OUT ON SO MUCH WHILE YOU WERE GONE!
42862	MEENAH: did i really
42863	MEENAH: to be conchnest that sounds mad unlikely
42864	MEENAH: you would not even believe the boring conversations i just slogged through with some a you glubbin windbaggers
42865	MEULIN: (=^?^=) < YOU SOOO DID THOUGH. WE'VE ALL B33N THROUGH A LOT TOGETHER SINCE WE DIED. I BELIEVE WE'VE MADE A LOT OF PROGRESS IN DEALING WITH OUR PURRSONAL ISSUES AND PUTTING OUR OLD DIFURRENCES BEHIND US.
42866	MEENAH: dont sound like you put much time into your fightin skills though
42867	MEENAH: yall do realize you might be on the verge of dying AGAIN right?
42868	MEULIN: (=^???^=) < AND THE SHIPPING!!!!!!!!!
42869	MEULIN: \(=^?^)// < OMG M33NAH, THE SHIIIIIIIIIPPING! (=;?;=) ?(=???=)? (^�?�^ )
42870	MEULIN: (^�?�^ ) < YOU WON'T EVEN _BELIEVE_ WHO GOT TOGETHER OVER THE SW33PS. AND THE QUADRANTS! THE QUADRANTS THEY PAIRED UP IN... IT WILL _BLOW_. _YOUR_. _MIND_.
42871	MEULIN: (=^?^=) < I DON'T THINK I CAN EVEN CONVEY HOW MUCH... I JUST...
42872	MEULIN: (^�x�^) < I CAN'T.
42873	MEULIN: +(=^?^=)+ < I AM COMPLETELY UNABLE TO CAN RIGHT NOW.
42874	MEENAH: 38|
42875	MEULIN: (=;?;=) < YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, M33NAH. THE F33LS.
42876	MEULIN: (=T?T=) < THE F333333333LS!!!!!!!!!
42877	MEENAH: had a suspicion this chat would devolve into gossip about who banged who
42878	MEENAH: let me know if you wanna catch up on actual relevant shit some time
42879	MEENAH: holla at ya girl meumix
42880	MEENAH: so tell me
42881	MEENAH: what exactlys the bullshit reason you cant join me to go fight lord bad guy
42882	MEULIN: (^./_.^) < YOU WANT ME TO GO FIGHT _THAT GUY_ WITH YOU???
42883	MEULIN: (^?o?^) < OH BUT I DO NOT THINK THAT WILL BE FLEASIBLE...
42884	MEENAH: noooooo shit
42885	MEULIN: (=^?^=) < I DON'T WANT TO COMPLETELY WASH MY PAWS OF THE IDEA, BUT I JUST HAVE SO MANY BALLS OF YARN IN THE AIR RIGHT NOW.
42886	MEULIN: \(=^?^)// < SO MANY POTENTIAL SHIPS TO JUGGLE. A BUSY HYPOTHETICAL MATCHMAKER'S JOB IS NEVER DONE!
42887	MEENAH: that isnt anything even close to resemblin a real responsibility
42888	MEULIN: (=^???^=) < I DON'T WANT YOU TO THINK I DON'T GIVE A LICK ABOUT JOINING YOUR FIGHT, BUT I JUST DON'T THINK I WILL BE VERY USEFUL!
42889	MEULIN: ~(=^?^)? < BY THE WAY, "LICK" WAS A SUBTLE CAT PUN.
42890	MEENAH: dunno it doesnt sound like you give much a carp about anyfin that isnt shipping or sayin cat things
42891	MEENAH: btw "sound" was a subtle pun pertainin to oceanic geography
42892	MEULIN: (^�?�^ ) < COME OOOOOOOOON M33NAH, DON'T YOU WANT TO RELAX JUST A NIP BEFORE YOU GO RIGHT OFF TO ROUGHHIVE SOME MORE?
42893	MEULIN: (^?o?^) < I HEARD YOU HAVE TAKEN A K33N INTEREST IN KANKRI'S ANCESTOR.
42894	MEENAH: sunnuva fish
42895	MEULIN: ?(^?^=?) < WELL, M33NAH? IS THAT TRUE?
42896	MEENAH: even if it was true
42897	MEENAH: which it is the very definition of AINT
42898	MEENAH: how the shit could you have even heard something like that already
42899	MEULIN: (=^?^=) < H3333333! IT'S TRUE, I JUST KNOW IT!!!!!!!!!
42900	MEULIN: (=x?x=) < _DIES_
42901	MEENAH: yes please do that
42902	MEULIN: ?(=???=)? < DO YOU WANT ME TO SET YOU UP WITH HIM? BEFORE YOU SAY NO, I URGE YOU NOT TO UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF MY ROMANTIC SORCERIES.
42903	MEULIN: (^?o?^)? < YOU HAVE B33N OUT OF THE LOOP FOR A LONG TIME, SO YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT KIND OF MIRACLES HAVE B33N WROUGHT BY THE MAGE OF HEART!
42904	MEULIN: (=^-?-^=) < NOW, BEFORE I WORK MY MAGIC, WE SHOULD GET ONE THING CLEAR. IS YOUR YEARNING RED OR BLACK?
42905	MEULIN: (=T?T=) < I AM ONLY ASKING TO BE ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN, BUT METHINKS THERE IS BARELY ANY DOUBT ABOUT IT. SOMMMEONE IS WAXING SCARLET FOR A LOUD, YOUNGER KANKRI, HMMMMMMMMM?
42906	MEENAH: leijon
42907	MEENAH: are you readin my lips
42908	MEENAH: pretend you can hear me and that im saying this so loud your kittycat ears hurt
42909	MEENAH: shhhut thhhe fuuuuck uuup
42910	MEULIN: (^???^)
42911	MEENAH: dont set me up with anemonebouy kay
42912	MEENAH: just keep it in your friendfics
42913	MEENAH: write about us doin it or whatever just S)(UT UP
42914	MEULIN: (^?o?^) < OHHH. G333. EMMM.
42915	MEULIN: (=^?^=) < I HAVE THE _BEST_ IDEA FOR A FIC LIKE THAT.
42916	MEULIN: ~(=^?^)? < BUT DON'T WORRY, MY POLICKSY WITH SUCH LICENTIOUS MATERIAL IS THE SAME AS IT'S ALWAYS B33N. I WILL NOT SHOW A SOUL UNTIL I HAVE SHOWN IT TO YOU AND THE YOUNGER VANTAS, AND YOU BOTH APPURRVE. I PROMISE!!!
42917	MEENAH: yay another worthless conversation under ma belt!
42918	MEENAH: TIM-E TO BOUNC-E
42919	MEENAH: what
42920	MEULIN: (=^???^) < OH!!!!!!!!! I MEANT TO ASK...
42921	MEULIN: ?(=^???^=)? < HAVE YOU MET THE HUMANS YET?
42922	MEENAH: yeah
42923	MEULIN: (=^-?-^=) < OMG AREN'T THE JUST SO PERF???
42924	MEENAH: nah
42925	MEENAH: dont see what the big deal with em is
42926	MEULIN: (^�x�^) < M33NAH, NO.
42927	MEULIN: (^-?-^) < THEY ARE ALL SO PERFECTLY ADORABLE.
42928	MEULIN: (^�?�^ ) < EACH IS LITTERALLY MORE PRECIOUS AND PURRFECT THAN THE LAST.
42929	MEENAH: if only you could hear how bonkers you sound
42930	MEULIN: ~(=^?^)/ < M33NAH. M33NAH. NO.
42931	MEULIN: (^._.^)? < YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.
42932	MEULIN: ?(=???=)? < THEY ARE MY BABIES.
42933	MEENAH: wtfs a babie
42934	MEULIN: (=^?^=) < THEY ARE MY PERFECT PRECIOUS GAY LITTLE BABIES!!!!!!!!!
42935	MEENAH: uh
42936	MEENAH: whats gay
42937	MEULIN: (=^?^=) < IT'S A THING THAT HUMAN BABIES ARE SOMETIMES I THINK!
42938	MEENAH: cant even deal w this meu
42939	MEULIN: (^?o?^) < OH AND DO YOU EVEN HAVE THE SLIGHTEST IDEA WHAT THE SHIPPING IMPLICATPUNS ARE???
42940	MEULIN: ?(=^???^=)? < BY ADDING THE HUMANS INTO THE PICTURE, BOTH PRE-SCRATCH AND SCRATCH-POST, IT HAS INCREASED THE PAIRING PAWSIBILITIES EXPOUNCENENTIALLY!
42941	MEULIN: (^-?-^) < IT'S REALLY B33N OVERWHELMING, I CAN'T EVEN...
42942	MEULIN: (^�x�^) < I JUST
42943	MEULIN: (=???=) < THAT'S IT.
42944	MEULIN: (=T?T=) < I'M SO DONE.
42945	MEENAH: hate to change the subject
42946	MEENAH: but i kinda side stepped past kurloz back there whilst granting him a wide berth
42947	MEENAH: he obviously wont say a thing to me which is probs for tha best
42948	MEENAH: but since he actually talks to you maybe you can answer stuff
42949	MEULIN: (=^?^=) < LIKE WHAT!
42950	MEENAH: like do you know if hes god tier
42951	MEENAH: im building this army and its going horribubbly so far and im sure it would be unimaginably horrendous havin him along but i needs all the muscle i can get know what im sayin
42952	MEULIN: (=^?^) < I ACTUALLY DON'T KNOW!
42953	MEULIN: (=^???^=) < YES WE ARE PRETTY CLOSE, BUT YOU KNOW HOW HE IS. HE'S STILL VERY SNEAKRETIVE AND STILL LOVES MAKING RIDDLES OUT OF EVERYTHING.
42954	MEULIN: (=^???^=) < HE'S B33N VERY EXCITED LATELY. HE F33LS THAT SO MANY OF HIS SPOOKY RELIGION'S PROPHECIES ARE ON THE VERGE OF COMING TRUE, AND THE STARS ARE COMING INTO FELINEMENT.
42955	MEULIN: (=^???^=) < REMEMBER HOW HE USED TO GO ON AND ON ABOUT THE MESSIAHS, ANGELS OF DOUBLE DEATH, AND ALL THAT WACKY STUFF?
42956	MEENAH: yeah we always had way waaay too many religious nutjobs in our party
42957	MEENAH: so i always tuna'd him trout
42958	MEENAH: back when he could talk at least
42959	MEENAH: then he did us all the psycho favor of sewing his mouth shut so it was win win
42960	MEULIN: (^?^) < HEH. I SUPPOSE.
42961	MEENAH: please dont take this for interest in shippin talk
42962	MEENAH: but you and he arent a red item anymore right
42963	MEULIN: (=^?^=) < OH NO NO NO THAT WAS A LONG TIME AGO.
42964	MEULIN: (=^?^=) < WE'RE JUST REALLY GOOD FRIENDS NOW. WE HANG OUT AND JOKE AROUND ALL THE TIME. HE EVEN HELPS ME WITH MY GRIDS!
42965	MEULIN: ~(=^?^)? < GENERALLY I STICK TO THE RED MATCHUPS WHILE HE ADVISES ON BLACK. HE'S 33RILY TALENTED AT PICKING BLACKROM PAIRS! PROBABLY EVEN BETTER THAN ME...
42966	MEENAH: dag what a boring fact
42967	MEENAH: but its cool youre good fronds still
42968	MEENAH: i thought i picked up heavy planktonic vibes from you
42969	MEENAH: now why dontcha run along and talk to him
42970	MEENAH: make use a your mutually compatible disabilities for communicatin and whatnot
42971	You remember spending a fair amount of your time hopping around these lily pads. Once you stumbled on a treasure so rare, so incredible, you could find neither the words nor the mimes to describe it. Alas, you lost it. Could this be the gateway to that special memory?
42972	You got a COD PIECE!
42973	So soft, so inviting... you are fighting the temptation to wear it right now with all your might. If the crotch was any more forgiving, it would be canonized by the Vatican.
42974	KURLOZ: EXCELLENT WORK, MY MAGE
42975	KURLOZ: WITH THIS MOST RIGHTEOUS MOTHER FUCKIN PELVIC APPAREL, THE WICKED ENSEMBLE IS NOW COMPLETE
42976	KURLOZ: IT MUST BE DELIVERED TO THE BARD OF RAGE AT ONCE, SO THAT HE MAY CONTINUE OUR MIRTHFUL MOTHER FUCKIN WORK
42977	MEULIN: (=???=) < ALL HAIL THE ONE TRUE MESSIAH.
42978	KURLOZ: LONG LIVE THE ANGEL OF DOUBLE DEATH
42979	MEULIN: (=???=) < MAY THE BARD'S RIOTOUS CHUCKLEVOODOOS INSPIRE NIGHTMARES IN ALL WHO WOULD OPPAWS CALICORN, AND MAY THE JOCULARKITTY OF HIS VAST HONK RING LOUD AND MOTHER FUCKIN TRUE ALL THE WAY TO SHANGRI LOL.
42980	KURLOZ: CHURCH. OK, THATS ENOUGH OF MOTHER FUCKIN THAT PIOUS NOISE
42981	KURLOZ: TIME TO RENDEZVOUS WITH MY HOMIE KILLA AND DROP THE SPECIAL SCIENCE ON HIM
42982	MEULIN: (=???=) < MAY THIS LUDICROUS PAIR OF SHORTS ASSNIFFST HIS HOLY MISSION, AND FLUMMOX ALL WHO WOULD CATST THEIR UNWORTHY GAZE PON ITS FRESH FUCKIN BULGE.
42983	KURLOZ: AY MOTHER FUCKIN MEN, MY WICKED KITTYBITCH
42984	KURLOZ: :o)
42985	MEULIN: ?(=???=)? < WHEW...
42986	MEULIN: (^./_.^) < KURZORZ, MY HEAD F33LS REALLY FOGGY.
42987	MEULIN: (^./_.^) < WHAT JUST HAPPENED? I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER WALKING OVER HERE.
42988	MEULIN: (=^?^=) < H33H33H33!!! YOU'RE RIGHT, I SHOULDN'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
42989	KURLOZ: :o)
42990	MEULIN: ~(=^?^) < WHAT'S THAT? YOU HAVE TO GO RUN AN ERRAND?
42991	MEULIN: (=^-?-^=) < OK33DOK33, HAVE FUN!
42992	KURLOZ: THERE IS NO NEED TO APPROACH THE YOUNG MISGUIDED EMPRESS
42993	KURLOZ: SHE REMAINS BLISSFULLY UNAWARE OF THE MACHINATIONS WHICH TRANSPIRE BETWEEN THE HEROES OF RAGE
42994	KURLOZ: LET HER TRY TO RAISE HER PATHETIC ARMY OF SOULS. SHE WILL BE DOUBLE SLAIN BY OUR LORD LIKE ALL THE OTHER MIRTHLESS HERETICS
42995	KURLOZ: HONK
42996	KURLOZ: *HONK*
42997	You've kept many secrets from your friends. Secrets to you were always the most beautiful miracles of all. They are the private answers to a bunch of riddles no one ever asked.
42998	But since this place is made of memories, you've had to be extra careful with your secrets. You've carved out an extensive network of virtual catacombs throughout the bubbles, leading to hidden treasures, black recollections, and perhaps one or two illicit dropoff points.
42999	You got a JUJU BREAKER!
43000	This is an extremely rare, dangerous, and particularly blasphemous item. The thought of destroying a precious juju makes your blood boil. This must be guarded carefully. You cannot let it fall into the wrong hands.
43001	You got a JUJU CHEST!
43002	Only a cherub can open it. You would be double-dying of curiosity to know what's inside, except for the fact that it would be heresy to even wonder. And you would bite your tongue for having the thought, if you hadn't already chewed it off long ago.
43003	KURLOZ: I COME BEARING THEE FINAL JOLLY ACCOUTREMENT MY FAITHFUL INVERTEBROTHER
43004	KURLOZ: THY BARDLY REGALIA IS DONE AND FUCKING DUSTED BY THE SPECIAL STARS THEMSELVES
43005	KURLOZ: ON THIS DAY THE DARK CARNIVAL REJOICED AND SAID IT WAS MONEY
43006	KURLOZ: NOW BRING TO LIFE OUR WICKED RUSE WITH APLOMB MY NINJA
43007	KURLOZ: OUT LORD AWAITS YOUR SERVITUDE AND TUTELAGE AT ONCE
43008	KURLOZ: WE SHALL NOW BUST OPEN THESE BITCHIN ELIXIR FORTIES
43009	KURLOZ: AND POUR SOME SWEET SWILL OUT FOR THE SOULS WHO SOON WONT BE NO MORE
43010	GAMZEE: shut your mother fucking mouth and give me the cod piece
43011	MEENAH: dont let the haters get you down kid
43012	MITUNA: F15CHY FUCK3Y 815QU3 4ZZ H4G
43013	MEENAH: oh well yall cant say i didnt try to treat you nice
43014	MEENAH: ey!
43015	MEENAH: i should be the one to condescend to YOU with that mime
43016	MEENAH: what considerin your uber flagrant mental probs
43017	MEENAH: you be shells of aggravatin captor
43018	MEENAH: i seriously gotta ditch this fuckin area and get on with my lil adventure deal
43019	MEENAH: nope
43020	GRUUUUUMMBLE
43021	Looks like SOMEONE'S custodian is in a permanently surly mood today, as well as all other days.
43022	KARKAT: HEY, GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY... OH. IT'S YOU AGAIN.
43023	KARKAT: SORRY, FOR A SECOND I THOUGHT ERIDAN'S AWFUL ANCESTOR FOUND HIS WAY IN HERE.
43024	KARKAT: I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO BE MORE OF A SHITBAG THAN THAT GUY, BUT SOMEHOW AMPORA TEEN-SENIOR PULLS IT OFF?
43025	KARKAT: I WOULDN'T HAVE BELIEVED IT IF I DIDN'T ABSORB IT WITH MY OWN AGGRAVATION SPONGE. JUST INCREDIBLE.
43026	MEENAH: yeah vantas im gonna clue you in on somefin
43027	MEENAH: mosta my crew is hecks of dreadful to be around
43028	KARKAT: I KNOW!!!
43029	KARKAT: HOW IS IT EVEN POSSIBLE FOR A GROUP OF PEOPLE TO SUCK SO MUCH, WHEN THEY'RE PRESUMABLY ALMOST GENETICALLY IDENTICAL TO A BUNCH OF PEOPLE I LIKE?
43030	KARKAT: MAYBE IT'S THE AGE DIFFERENCE? OR THE FACT THAT THEY ALL GREW UP ON A PLANET FOR LAME PANSIES WHO ARE CIVICALLY OBLIGATED TO WET THEMSELVES DAILY.
43031	MEENAH: ahahahahaha
43032	KARKAT: I HAVE TO ADMIT, MEETING ALL OUR ANCESTORS LIKE THIS HAS BEEN KIND OF OVERWHELMING.
43033	KARKAT: I KIND OF HAD TO GET AWAY FROM EVERYONE AND BE ALONE FOR A WHILE. HOPEFULLY I'LL JUST FUCKING WAKE UP SOON.
43034	MEENAH: oh uh
43035	MEENAH: you want i should step off
43036	KARKAT: UH
43037	KARKAT: NO, THAT'S OK.
43038	KARKAT: YOU'RE ACTUALLY FINE, MOSTLY. I JUST COULDN'T TAKE ANOTHER ENCOUNTER WITH RED SWEATER GUY.
43039	KARKAT: HE'S LEFT MY HEAD SPINNING, AND NOT JUST BECAUSE HE NEVER SHUTS THE FUCK UP.
43040	KARKAT: FOR A LONG TIME, I DIDN'T EVEN BELIEVE WE HAD ANCESTORS. I THOUGHT EVEN THE CONCEPT OF ANCESTORS WAS JUST SUPERSTITIOUS, EGO-STROKING ARISTOCRATIC BULLSHIT.
43041	KARKAT: BUT NOT ONLY DOES IT TURN OUT YOU'RE ALL REAL, BUT APPARENTLY YOU HAD THIS WHOLE DIFFERENT CULTURE IN AN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE BEFORE US? SORRY, THAT'S A LOT TO TAKE IN.
43042	KARKAT: WAIT...
43043	KARKAT: OH, NO. NO, FUCK ME. HOLY FUCK.
43044	KARKAT: "BEFORE US?" GOD DAMMIT. I *JUST* GOT THAT.
43045	KARKAT: SEE? THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. MEETING YOU GUYS HAS MADE ME HAVE LITTLE INFURIATING REVELATIONS LIKE THAT ALMOST CONSTANTLY.
43046	KARKAT: LIKE, NOW IT CASTS THE NAME OF MY OWN PLANET IN A WHOLE NEW STUPID LIGHT. ALTERNIA? AS IN, ALTERNATE? ALTERNATE TO WHAT. TURNS OUT IT IS THE *ALTERNATIVE* TO A PLANET CALLED BEFORUS! THE PLANET WHICH CAME *BEFOOOORE* US. HAHAHA! GET IT?
43047	KARKAT: WHATEVER JOKERS NAMED THESE PLANETS WERE COMPLETE FUCKING MORONS.
43048	MEENAH: well fwiw
43049	MEENAH: alternias da bomb compared to my planet
43050	MEENAH: and im not just saying that because grownup me ran the joint 38D
43051	KARKAT: HEY, DON'T LET ANYONE KID YOU. ALTERNIA WAS FUCKING GREAT.
43052	KARKAT: I DON'T EVEN CARE THAT MY BLOOD MADE ME A PARIAH. IT WAS WORTH TO IT LIVE ON SUCH A BADASS PLANET.
43053	KARKAT: SOME PEOPLE LIKED TO TALK SHIT ABOUT THE EMPRESS. AND IT'S TRUE, SHE PROBABLY WOULD HAVE CULLED THE SHIT OUT OF ME ON SIGHT. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? I ALWAYS RESPECTED HER AS A STRONG LEADER.
43054	KARKAT: SHE KNEW HOW TO GET SHIT DONE AND DIDN'T PUT UP WITH DISSENSION FROM WORTHLESS IDIOTS. AND ALL SHE DID WAS, YOU KNOW... TAKE OVER THE ENTIRE FUCKING GALAXY. NOT TOO SHABBY.
43055	KARKAT: I USED TO HAVE THIS KIND OF EMBARRASSING FANTASY THAT I WOULD GROW UP ONE DAY AND BECOME A THRESHECUTIONER. DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT IS?
43056	MEENAH: ?
43057	KARKAT: THEY WERE LIKE THE DEADLIEST SQUAD OF INTERSTELLAR FIGHTERS UNDER THE COMMAND OF THE EMPRESS. THEY HELPED CONQUER MORE PLANETS THAN ANY OTHER IMPERIAL FORCE. BUT IT WOULD HAVE BEEN IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME TO MAKE THE CUT, BECAUSE OF MY BLOOD. SO I USED TO THINK OF ALL THESE ELABORATE SCENARIOS TO HIDE MY BLOOD COLOR. OR IN THE MORE RIDICULOUS FANTASIES, MAYBE I COULD EVEN PROVE MY WORTH AS A SOLDIER? LIKE JUST BE SO AWESOME WITH A SICKLE, THEY WOULD JUST HAVE TO MAKE AN EXCEPTION. MAYBE EVEN BE LIKE A FOLK HERO AND RISE THROUGH THE RANKS TO BECOME THE LEADER. HAHA.
43058	KARKAT: THOSE WERE OBVIOUSLY JUST SOME CHILDISH DAY DREAMS. I'VE LEARNED A LOT ABOUT WHAT BEING A LEADER REALLY MEANS SINCE THEN. MAINLY THAT IT'S A LOT HARDER THAN EVERYONE THINKS.
43059	KARKAT: SO I GUESS I LEARNED TO RESPECT WHO YOU TURNED OUT TO BE ON MY WORLD EVEN MORE THAN I DID ALREADY, BECAUSE OF THAT.
43060	MEENAH: yeah
43061	MEENAH: the leadership thing is hard as globes
43062	MEENAH: could barely get anyone to lift a flippin finger in my session
43063	MEENAH: and now its like that all over again trying to raise this army
43064	MEENAH: i reely dunno how sexy bitch grownup me pulled it off
43065	KARKAT: OH YEAH. HOW IS THAT GOING?
43066	KARKAT: HOW MANY RECRUITS DO YOU HAVE?
43067	MEENAH: want to take a guess
43068	KARKAT: OH. STILL ZERO, HUH? YEAH, THAT SOUNDS ABOUT RIGHT. SERIOUSLY, FUCK LEADERSHIP.
43069	MEENAH: i know!!!!!!
43070	KARKAT: WELL LOOK, HOW ABOUT THIS. LATER ON, WHEN I'M AWAKE OBVIOUSLY, MAYBE OUR METEOR WILL HIT A RENDEZVOUS POINT WITH YOU AGAIN.
43071	KARKAT: IF BY THEN, YOU'RE STILL LOOKING FOR RECRUITS, I'LL LIKE... HOP OFF THE METEOR OR SOMETHING. AND JOIN YOUR ARMY.
43072	MEENAH:
43073	KARKAT: THEN WE, I MEAN YOU AND ME AND WHATEVER OTHER IDIOTS YOU'VE ROUNDED UP, CAN ALL GO FIGHT THE INVINCIBLE DEMON.
43074	MEENAH:
43075	KARKAT: I DON'T KNOW WHY EVERY TIME I TURN AROUND, I'M UP AGAINST AN INVINCIBLE DEMON OF ONE SORT OR ANOTHER. I GUESS THAT'S JUST THE IMPOSSIBLE KIND OF THING PARADOX SPACE WANTS ME TO DO TO PROVE I'M NOT SOME HORRIBLE MISTAKE OF NATURE. ANYWAY, DOES THAT SOUND GOOD?
43076	MEENAH:
43077	KARKAT: OH, BUT ON ONE CONDITION. AS THE NEW EMPRESS, YOU HAVE TO APPOINT ME AS GRAND THRESHECUTIONER OF YOUR ARMY. DO WE HAVE A DEAL?
43078	MEENAH: oh yes yes you got it yessss
43079	KARKAT: GOOD. OK, THAT'S SETTLED.
43080	KARKAT: NOW I'M GOING TO GO FOR A WALK, DO SOME MORE THINKING. ALONE. OK?
43081	KARKAT: JUST UH... MAKE YOURSELF AT HOME HERE... IN THIS STRANGE MEMORY PROJECTION OF MY ROOM. I'D TELL YOU NOT TO RIFLE THROUGH MY SHIT, BUT NONE OF IT IS EVEN REAL. SO GO NUTS. WHATEVER.
43082	KARKAT: I'M LEAVING.
43083	Be Karkat?
43084	KARKAT: LIKE I SAID, MAKE YOURSELF AT HOME.
43085	KARKAT: FEEL FREE TO HANG OUT WITH MY LUSUS THERE. THOUGH I SHOULD WARN YOU, HE'S NEVER MET ANOTHER KID HE DIDN'T MAKE AT LEAST SOME VAGUE ATTEMPT TO EAT.
43086	KARKAT: TEREZI, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE ASLEEP.
43087	TEREZI: SHRUG
43088	KARKAT: WHY ARE YOU HERE ALL ALONE IN THE WOODS? OR THE PRETEND WOODS, I GUESS.
43089	KARKAT: AND WHY DO YOU HAVE YOUR DRAGON COSPLAY PULLED DOWN LIKE THAT? IS SOMETHING THE MATTER?
43090	TEREZI: NO
43091	TEREZI: 1M F1N3
43092	KARKAT: YOU DON'T SOUND FINE. DON'T BULLSHIT ME LIKE THAT, I KNOW WHEN SOMETHING'S UP WITH YOU.
43093	TEREZI: K4RK4T PL34S3 JUST L34V3 M3 4LON3
43094	KARKAT: OK, I GET IT IF YOU WANT SOME ALONE TIME. I MEAN, I ACTUALLY JUST GOT DONE SULKING THE FUCK OUT MYSELF JUST NOW.
43095	KARKAT: BUT IT REALLY HELPS TO TALK TO SOMEBODY. YOU CAN TALK TO ME ABOUT STUFF, YOU KNOW THAT RIGHT?
43096	TEREZI: Y34H, 1 GU3SS
43097	KARKAT: IS IT DAVE? DID HE DO SOMETHING DOUCHEY AGAIN?
43098	TEREZI: ...
43099	KARKAT: DID HE BREAK UP WITH YOU? HE BROKE UP WITH YOU, DIDN'T HE. I KNEW IT, I COULD JUST SEE THE WRITING ON THE WA...
43100	TEREZI: H3 D1DNT BR34K UP W1TH M3!!!
43101	TEREZI: 1T H4S NOTH1NG TO DO W1TH D4V3
43102	KARKAT: OK THEN WHAT
43103	TEREZI: 1TS
43104	TEREZI: MY 4NC3STOR
43105	KARKAT: YEAH? WHAT ABOUT HER.
43106	TEREZI: SH3
43107	TEREZI: SH3S JUST
43108	TEREZI: SO
43109	TEREZI: R4D1C4L >:[
43110	KARKAT: HUH?
43111	TEREZI: 1 JUST D1D NOT KNOW 1T W4S 3V3N POSS1BL3
43112	TEREZI: TO B3 SO R4D
43113	TEREZI: 1 4LMOST C4NT H4NDL3 1T K4RK4T
43114	TEREZI: TH3 R4DN3SS
43115	TEREZI: HOW DO3S SH3 DO 1T?
43116	KARKAT: WELL, LET'S SEE. SHE RIDES A FUCKING SKATEBOARD. AND THAT'S IT. PRETTY MUCH END OF THE EXPLANATION.
43117	TEREZI: 1 TH1NK 1T 1S SO MUCH MOR3 TH4N TH4T
43118	TEREZI: 3V3RYON3 LOV3S H3R
43119	TEREZI: SH3 1S SO S4SSY 4ND FUN, SH3S TH3 B3ST 4T G4M3S, 4ND 4LL H3R STUNTS 4R3 1NCR3D1BL3
43120	TEREZI: HOW 4M 1 SUPPOS3D TO M34SUR3 UP TO TH4T?
43121	KARKAT: OH COME ON
43122	KARKAT: DON'T TELL ME THIS IS GOING TO BE A THING WITH YOU NOW.
43123	TEREZI: WH4T TH1NG?
43124	KARKAT: A SELF ESTEEM THING.
43125	KARKAT: YOU REALLY SHOULDN'T BE LIKE THAT, IT'S JUST SO UNWARRANTED.
43126	TEREZI: W3LL TH4TS HOW 1 F33L, SO TOO B4D!!!
43127	KARKAT: TEREZI, I CAN'T STRESS THIS ENOUGH. YOU ARE *NOT* IN ANYONE'S SHADOW.
43128	KARKAT: LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING ABOUT OUR ANCESTORS.
43129	KARKAT: THEY'RE ALL ASSHOLES!!!
43130	TEREZI: >:|
43131	TEREZI: SH3 1S NOT 4N 4SSHOL3
43132	KARKAT: NO, SHE IS. TRUST ME.
43133	KARKAT: THEY ALL ARE. AT LEAST THE VAST MAJORITY.
43134	KARKAT: THEY PRACTICALLY AREN'T EVEN PEOPLE. THEY'RE WALKING, TALKING, LIKE...
43135	KARKAT: I DON'T KNOW HOW TO PUT IT. ALMOST LIKE LIVING PARODIES OF HORRIBLE, CLICHED BEHAVIOR PATTERNS.
43136	TEREZI: WH4T, YOU M34N L1K3...
43137	TEREZI: T33N4G3RS?
43138	KARKAT: YES.
43139	KARKAT: BUT IT'S MORE THAN JUST THAT. TAKE MY ANCESTOR FOR EXAMPLE.
43140	KARKAT: TOTAL ASSHOLE! PROBABLY THE WORST ASSHOLE THERE IS.
43141	KARKAT: YOU WOULDN'T KNOW IT RIGHT AWAY BECAUSE I GUESS HE DOESN'T YELL AT PEOPLE LIKE ME? BUT THAT PROBABLY MAKES IT WORSE.
43142	KARKAT: HE JUST GOES ON AND ON ABOUT THE MOST SANCTIMONIOUS, INCOMPREHENSIBLE GARBAGE YOU EVER HEARD. HE THINKS HE'S BETTER THAN EVERYONE BUT THEN DRESSES IT UP IN THIS BOGUS HYPER-ACADEMIC HUMILITY. HE TRIES TO DEFEND PEOPLE WITH "PROBLEMS" BUT JUST WINDS UP INSULTING THOSE PEOPLE IN BACKHANDED WAYS. HE LECTURES PEOPLE ENDLESSLY, AND WHENEVER HE RISES TO THE "DEFENSE" OF HIS FRIENDS HE USUALLY ENDS UP GIVING THEM A BIG FUCK YOU BY BEING IMPLICITLY JUDGMENTAL.
43143	KARKAT: I COULD REALLY GO ON FOREVER ABOUT HIM, BUT I WON'T, BECAUSE THEN I'D BE STOOPING TO HIS LEVEL.
43144	TEREZI: H3H3...
43145	KARKAT: AND YOUR ANCESTOR? YEAH, SHE'S "FUN" I GUESS. BUT TALK ABOUT A PHONY.
43146	KARKAT: OH AND I DON'T GIVE A *FUCK* WHAT ANYONE SAYS, LOSING YOUR SENSE OF SMELL IS NOT A REAL DISABILITY!!!
43147	KARKAT: HER RAD GIRL THING IS SUCH AN OBVIOUS ACT. SHE'S CLEARLY WORKED FOR SWEEPS ON PERFECTING IT, AND QUITE APPARENTLY REVELS IN THE ATTENTION IT GETS HER.
43148	KARKAT: BUT THE FACT THAT SHE WORKS SO HARD ON IT IS EXACTLY WHY YOU DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.
43149	KARKAT: YOU DON'T EVEN NEED TO TRY TO BE THE GOOD PERSON YOU ALREADY ARE.
43150	KARKAT: SEE, YOU ALREADY KNOW HOW TO HAVE FUN AND BE LIKABLE BY JUST BEING YOURSELF. IT DOESN'T NEED TO BE PART OF SOME OVER THE TOP SCHTICK TO IMPRESS PEOPLE. WHEN SHE DOES THE RAD GIRL THING IT'S LIKE A DISGUISE, PROBABLY COVERING UP SOME PART OF HERSELF SHE'S UNHAPPY WITH. BUT WHEN YOU WITHDRAW AND COVER YOURSELF UP LIKE THAT, YOU'RE ACTUALLY JUST PREVENTING PEOPLE FROM SEEING SOMEONE WHO'S ALREADY BEAUTIFUL.
43151	TEREZI: ...
43152	KARKAT: I KNOW I COMPLETELY FUCKED UP WITH YOU. THIS ISN'T, UH... OK. I'M NOT LIKE TRYING TO REDEEM MYSELF HERE. I MADE MY RECUPERACOON AND NOW I HAVE TO WRIGGLE AROUND IN ITS SLIME. I TOTALLY ACCEPT THAT. BUT AS YOUR FRIEND I REALLY DON'T WANT YOU TO START FEELING BAD ABOUT YOURSELF BECAUSE OF ONE OF THESE SHALLOW, TWO DIMENSIONAL DIPSHITS. BUT I TOTALLY CONCEDE THAT YOU MADE YOUR CHOICE ABOUT ME, AND I RESPECT YOUR DECISION. I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY IS ALL.
43153	TEREZI: ...
43154	KARKAT: OK, I'M PROBABLY JUST STICKING MY FOOT IN MY FUCKING TALK BLASTER YET AGAIN, AND I'M PROBABLY MAKING YOU UNCOMFORTABLE. I GUESS I'LL GO BACK TO MY ROOM NOW. I HOPE YOU TAKE AT LEAST SOME OF WHAT I SAID SERIOUSLY THOUGH.
43155	KARKAT: UM. YEAH. OK, BYE.
43156	You got a sack full of EMBEZZLED BEETLES!
43157	It is the absolute perfect currency for bribing corrupt prosecutors when you find yourself in the hot seat with the law. Their greedy snouts simply cannot resist. Just make sure the terrifying brainless monster judge doesn't catch you in the act! You have to wait for His Tyranny to be distracted by something besides the judicial proceedings. This is an occurrence that is far from infrequent.
43158	TEREZI: OH... H3Y
43159	TEREZI: 1TS YOU
43160	TEREZI: WH4T 4R3 YOU DO1NG 1N MY H1V3?
43161	MEENAH: shit pyrope dont sniff at me
43162	MEENAH: i was standin around in shoutkats place when it all dream switched on me outta nowhere
43163	TEREZI: D1D YOU S33 H1M COM3 1N H3R3?
43164	MEENAH: naw
43165	MEENAH: wait you lookin for him now too?
43166	TEREZI: Y3S
43167	MEENAH: good luck with that the guys slippery as a goddamn eel
43168	MEENAH: spent all day tracking him down myself
43169	MEENAH: but i finally caught up with him a while ago
43170	TEREZI: OH?
43171	MEENAH: yeah
43172	MEENAH: and i think
43173	MEENAH: we might be goin on a date later?
43174	TEREZI: WH4T
43175	MEENAH: i mean
43176	MEENAH: maybe
43177	MEENAH: i dunno if im misreadin his intent there
43178	MEENAH: you might know better than me
43179	TEREZI: WH4T D1D H3 S4Y?
43180	MEENAH: well whatever the case is later hes goin to hop off the meteor and fight lord invincible with me
43181	MEENAH: whatta you think am i readin too much into shit or
43182	TEREZI: UMM...
43183	TEREZI: SHRUG >:|
43184	MEENAH: yeah guess well sea
43185	MEENAH: anyway im out
43186	MEENAH: this hive you got is craycray pyrope
43187	MEENAH: can appreciate a girl with a gaudy sense a design
43188	Be Meenah?
43189	MEENAH: ps ur dragon outfit rules
43190	TEREZI: >:]
43191	EXPOSITION 5 BOONBUCKS
43192	THE SYLPH IS [IN]
43193	ARANEA: I...
43194	ARANEA: Still haven't found her quite yet.
43195	MEENAH: any leads or
43196	ARANEA: Not really.
43197	ARANEA: She's apparently very well hidden!
43198	MEENAH: um yeah sure
43199	MEENAH: but
43200	MEENAH: have you even really been lookin
43201	ARANEA: Um...
43202	MEENAH: or have you been fucking around with your lil exposition stand
43203	ARANEA: I have 8een dividing my time efficiently. 8ut thank you for your concern.
43204	MEENAH: it wasnt even that long ago we talked about other boring stuff
43205	MEENAH: you had to drag your stand over to the top of this tree
43206	MEENAH: like all waitin for me up here
43207	MEENAH: how long did that take
43208	ARANEA: Never mind a8out that!
43209	ARANEA: And yes, I did stop along the way to explain some important things to people.
43210	ARANEA: People are curious a8out information, Meenah. They want to KNOW things, alright?
43211	MEENAH: they want to know...
43212	MEENAH: or you want to tell them?
43213	ARANEA: 8oth!!!!!!!!
43214	MEENAH: ok lemme ask this
43215	MEENAH: did you pay them so you could explain stuff
43216	ARANEA: ...
43217	ARANEA: Yes.
43218	ARANEA: SO????????
43219	MEENAH: so how long would you estimate you spent cherub hunting in between your splainins
43220	ARANEA: I...
43221	ARANEA: Look. Finding this cheru8 was always going to 8e a slow 8urning quest. It is an intricate, layered mystery that can't 8e rushed. I'm working up to it!!!!!!!!
43222	MEENAH: aranea serket i have somefin to explain to you at no expense
43223	MEENAH: i find your humorously ineffective approach to this quest to be max adorbs
43224	ARANEA:
43225	ARANEA: The 8ard of Hope may seem a little jaded these days, 8ut he once had a deeply a8iding faith in magic, and dedicated himself to 8ecoming a great wizard. He 8ecame convinced he was hatched to defeat an extraordinarily evil magician, one he swore the angels foretold of. Though when pressed for the name of the man, he would not say it, claiming it was too dangerous to even enunciate. Part of his self-aggrandizing mythos was that this magician once somehow from afar tried to strike him down at a young age, so he would never have to face him. 8ut the evil spell was deflected, sealing the magician's spirit away in a series of unassuming vessels until he could find some other cunning way to enter our universe. The attack supposedly left him with his distinctive scar, which he was not reluctant to point out when trying to hit on me. Uh, I mean, he wasn't reluctant to mention it in casual conversation.
43226	ARANEA: 8ut at some point he 8ecame disillusioned with magic. If there ever was any truth to his far fetched vision, the legacy of defeating the evil magician would have to 8e passed on to his descendant, or if his descendant proved to 8e as much of a failure as he did, then perhaps on to some other Hero of Hope. I'm unsure why he suffered this crisis of faith, aside from the o8vious reasons having to do with an overall lack of character, or any other redeeming qualities. Perhaps someone talked him out of his 8eliefs. May8e a friend close to him. Or, if one is to 8elieve his fantasy held any water, perhaps someone who was in league with the evil magician. Whatever the case, it was pro8a8ly for the 8est, since pretty much everyone who had half a think pan thought it was all a 8unch of ridiculous nonsense.
43227	MEENAH: serket why do you got to hate on other peoples religions
43228	MEENAH: dont you kno they just as much a load of crackpotty bunk as all your spiritual bullfuck
43229	ARANEA: 8ut I........
43230	ARANEA: Yes, I guess I was out of line.
43231	ARANEA: Sorry, I was just trying to riff with you little on a mutually disliked acquaintance. Is that really so 8ad? Why do you have to take every opportunity to knock my personal 8eliefs?
43232	ARANEA: You can really 8e so mean sometimes.
43233	MEENAH: can i have my money now
43234	ARANEA: Yes. Here.
43235	ARANEA: The Heir of Doom was once a powerful psionic. He was gifted with vision twofold, and had strong prophetic insights wherever a 8leak future was concerned. He had much to say when it came to warning us a8out the path of doom and destruction we were all headed for, 8ut no one took him very seriously. 8ut one day he lost all those a8ilities when he 8adly overexerted himself. It's hard to get any specifics from him, 8ut indications are that he applied every last 8it of energy he had toward some great act of heroism, saving us all from some looming threat. Not only did his exertion permanently 8urn out his psychic a8ilities, 8ut it left him somewhat... er. Incoherent.
43236	MEENAH: yeah i always wondered what happened there
43237	MEENAH: anyone ever get to the bottom a that
43238	ARANEA: No. The entire incident is shrouded in mystery. From his limited and scattered accounts of what happened, it seems very likely that Kurloz was with him at the time, as the only eye witness. And of course it's impossi8le to get any relia8le information out of him. I guess we may never know, sadly.
43239	MEENAH: hey this was actually kinda interesting
43240	MEENAH: it was W-ELL worth taking the money youre givin me to put up with it
43241	ARANEA: Agreed! ::::D
43242	ARANEA: Prince of Rage actually used to 8e quite talkative. That is, until he had a nightmare which prompted a 8izarre incident, after which he would never speak again. He took a sort of spiritual vow of silence, which I'm sure was pro8a8ly related to his esoteric faith. Thereafter he 8ecame infuriatingly enigmatic. I've found it impossi8le to get any info out of him, 8etween his am8iguous mimes and penchant for riddles. It's very frustrating, especially for someone like me, who has a passion for gathering as many facts a8out our story as possi8le.
43243	ARANEA: Want to know a secret? Please don't tell anyone, 8ut I really can't stand the guy.
43244	ARANEA: It's pro8a8ly unfair to him 8ecause he is o8viously such a sweet and harmless fellow. 8ut something a8out him ru8s me the wrong way. I guess I can just 8e a little petty sometimes.
43245	MEENAH: yeah...
43246	MEENAH: wow serket
43247	MEENAH: just wow so rude
43248	MEENAH: poor clown
43249	ARANEA: Don't give me that! I seem to remem8er you having more than a few unkind words for him 8ehind his 8ack.
43250	MEENAH: yeah im messin witchu he sux
43251	MEENAH: so
43252	MEENAH: conversation over?
43253	ARANEA: Yes.
43254	MEENAH: ka
43255	MEENAH: ching
43256	ARANEA: Mage of Heart as you know is an ardent disciple of the romantic sciences. She has a well earned reputation as a miracle worker when it comes to match making. 8ut her own romantic history ironically has 8een riddled with trou8le and heart8reak.
43257	ARANEA: Once, well 8efore our session 8egan, she and Kurloz were in a very loving matespritship. It really seemed to everyone they were made for each other. One day, they fell asleep together. Kurloz then had a nightmare so terrifying, he released the most dreadful sound imagina8le. It truly echoed the horror of the Vast Honk itself. The noise was so loud and so awful, Meulin went completely deaf, and her hearing never recovered. Kurloz was undou8tedly devastated 8y what he'd done to her. He was so distraught, he sewed his mouth shut, and has never spoken a word since.
43258	ARANEA: Though they drifted apart as matesprits, Meulin never held it against him, and even seemed to take delight in learning new ways to communicate. They continued to remain very close to this day. May8e a little too close, if you ask me. It's clear that her sympathies have 8een gradually swayed in support of the High8lood's cult. She stays private a8out her 8eliefs, 8ut now and then I'll notice she lets some tenet of mirthful doctrine slip out. I suppose I shouldn't 8e too concerned though, since it's almost certainly a lot of harmless superstition.
43259	MEENAH: )(ONK
43260	ARANEA: Honk honk! ::::)
43261	MEENAH: lol im glad we can both agree that clowny fuckin soda cult is the dumbest shit ever
43262	ARANEA: Yes. Now here is your money. Thanks for listening!
43263	MEENAH: serks do you even know how silly yall are
43264	MEENAH: <3
43265	After, what... another hour? Another hour of bumbling through the afterlife with very little to show for your efforts, you decide to pause the game again. You can only spend so long powering through the dead troll equivalent of an unpleasant high school reunion without making a trip to the load gaper, or fixing yourself a little snack from the hunger trunk.
43266	There's definitely someone else we should be checking in with right now. Someone we are all desperate for an update on. And that someone is...
43267	THIS GUY!
43268	This is the guy who you are now being.
43269	The feisty mailwoman is still chasing you. Unbelievable. She hardly seems to care at all that something is causing reality to shatter around you. For a moment, you thought you and she might be able to reach an uneasy truce. To stand together if only for a moment and assess the ominous cracks spreading through the void. Maybe even take some time to get to know each other a little, and try to bury the hatchet? You are so tired of running.
43270	But no. She is as furious as ever. What did you even do? Just a couple of routine murders, which was TWO YEARS AGO already. The ring hath no fury, you swear. She is never going to stop. Her delivery is justice, and as you know all too well, nothing stops the mail.
43271	You need to find somewhere to hide and rest for a while.
43272	There.
43273	JOHN: hehe...
43274	TAVROS: i SAW IT FIRST,
43275	JOHN: huh?
43276	TAVROS: gIVE IT TO ME,
43277	JOHN: what... the ring?
43278	TAVROS: yES, iT'S MINE,
43279	JOHN: who are you?
43280	TAVROS: i'M, yOUR WORST BAD DREAM, iF YOU DON'T RETURN MY TREASURE,
43281	TAVROS: i FOUND IT, sNUGGLED IN THE SAND, bEING PRETTY AND GOLD AND BY ITSELF, aND i WANT IT BACK,
43282	JOHN: so you found it here, like exactly where i just found it... but then instead of picking it up, you fell asleep?
43283	TAVROS: wHEN YOU PUT IT THAT WAY, i SOUND STUPID,
43284	TAVROS: bUT, yES,
43285	JOHN: sorry buddy. as the age old saying goes, you snooze, you lose.
43286	TAVROS: i NEVER HEARD THAT AGE OLD SAYING, iN MY CULTURE, sO, fUCK YOUR LINGUAL HERITAGE, aND GIVE ME THE RING,
43287	JOHN: why were you even asleep?
43288	TAVROS: i WAS TIRED,
43289	TAVROS: dUH,
43290	JOHN: this is such a dumb place to fall asleep, dude.
43291	TAVROS: tREASURE HUNTING IS HARD,
43292	TAVROS: sHE HAS ME WORKING LIKE A BARKFIEND,
43293	JOHN: who?
43294	TAVROS: mY MATESPRIT,
43295	TAVROS: tHAT MEANS GIRLFRIEND, yOU IGNORAMUS,
43296	JOHN: i know what it means!
43297	JOHN: no offense, but you seem like kind of a lame troll. i don't think we ever talked before, did we?
43298	TAVROS: wHO CARES, gIVE ME MY TREASURE,
43299	JOHN: no way! it's mine bro.
43300	TAVROS: sHIT!
43301	TAVROS: oKAY,
43302	TAVROS: mAYBE WE CAN WORK OUT SOME KIND OF DEAL,
43303	JOHN: i dunno. this ring is pretty sweet. the price would have to be pretty steep.
43304	TAVROS: wOW,
43305	TAVROS: yOU ARE REALLY PUTTING ME, iN AN UNCOMFORTABLE AND CHALLENGING SITUATION,
43306	JOHN: why do you want this desert ring so bad. is it magic?
43307	JOHN: i don't really feel magic wearing it...
43308	JOHN: i mean, not any more than usual.
43309	TAVROS: i DON'T KNOW, iF IT'S MAGIC,
43310	TAVROS: tHAT'S NOT WHY i WANT IT,
43311	JOHN: well, i'm not giving it to you unless you have a really good reason.
43312	TAVROS: iT'S FOR PRIVATE SENTIMENTAL PURPOSES,
43313	TAVROS: i DON'T WANT TO SAY,
43314	JOHN: that's cool. guess i will just enjoy this ring forever, as my property.
43315	TAVROS: oKAAAAAY,
43316	TAVROS: i'LL TELL YOU,
43317	TAVROS: yOU'RE AN AWFUL HUMAN, bY THE WAY,
43318	JOHN: yeah right, dude. would an awful guy be wearing such a sweet, priceless ring? i don't think so!
43319	TAVROS: oH MY GOD, tHAT'S SUCH BAD LOGIC, tHAT YOU'RE KNOWINGLY USING TO BE A WORSE ENEMY,
43320	JOHN: yeah...
43321	JOHN: you sure did explain that, i guess.
43322	TAVROS: i WANT THE RING BECAUSE,
43323	TAVROS: tHIS REQUIRES SOME LABORIOUS EXPLANATION,
43324	TAVROS: iT PERTAINS TO HUMAN CUSTOMS, WHICH i HAVE TAKEN TIME TO STUDY AS AN ETERNAL GHOST,
43325	TAVROS: tHE TREASURE IS NEEDED, TO COMPLETE A SORT OF RITUALIZED PACT,
43326	TAVROS: hAVING TO DO WITH HUMAN MATING,
43327	TAVROS: tO CEMENT IN STONE THE ROMANTIC MATRIMONIES,
43328	JOHN: oh!
43329	JOHN: you want to use it to propose to your girlfriend?
43330	TAVROS: yEAH,
43331	TAVROS: wHATEVER,
43332	JOHN: heh... that is not really what i was expecting to hear.
43333	JOHN: i thought you were just being a greedy treasure grubbing douche.
43334	TAVROS: yOU MEAN,
43335	TAVROS: lIKE YOU???
43336	JOHN: yes.
43337	JOHN: but that's a pretty good reason.
43338	JOHN: i guess i can let you have it, if it is going to result in a happy marriage.
43339	TAVROS: oKAY, tHEN HURRY, aND GIVE IT TO ME,
43340	JOHN: who is the lucky lady, anyway?
43341	TAVROS: oH NO, hURRY uP, tHERE'S NO TIME,
43342	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/vriska_smallshout1.png" border="0" />
43343	TAVROS: sHE'S COMING!
43344	JOHN: who??
43345	TAVROS: gIVE IT TO ME,
43346	TAVROS: sHE CAN'T SEE IT YET, iT HAS TO BE A SURPRISE!
43347	TAVROS: aLSO, i DON'T WANT HER TO KNOW i GOT IT, fROM A LOSER LIKE YOU,
43348	JOHN: hey!
43349	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/vriska_smallshout2.png" border="0" />
43350	TAVROS: oH MY GOD,
43351	VRISKA: TAAAAAAAAVR........ Oh!
43352	VRISKA: Hi John.
43353	VRISKA: Tavros, I didn't know you were hanging out with John. You should have come told me.
43354	TAVROS: bUT, i JUST WOKE UP FROM THE SAND PILE, aND FOUND HIM HERE,
43355	TAVROS: i HAD LITERALLY NO TIME TO GO TELL YOU, bECAUSE OF AN ARGUMENT,
43356	VRISKA: What? What were you arguing a8out?
43357	TAVROS: uHHH,
43358	VRISKA: W8........ what do you mean woke up? Why were you asleep?
43359	TAVROS: uHHH,
43360	VRISKA: Dammit, Tavros. You can't 8e slacking off like that.
43361	VRISKA: I told you, we aren't fucking around anymore. This is serious 8usiness.
43362	JOHN: hey...
43363	JOHN: excuse me, but
43364	JOHN: are you...
43365	JOHN: vriska?
43366	VRISKA: Yeah!
43367	VRISKA: Oh, sorry. I really should have introduced myself. I guess I forgot I technically never met this version of you.
43368	JOHN: uh. that's alright. nice to meet you.
43369	JOHN: wait...
43370	JOHN: are you a ghost too?
43371	VRISKA: Yep.
43372	JOHN: so... you're dead?
43373	VRISKA: Yes, John. That's what 8eing a ghost means.
43374	JOHN: ok, i'm still confused though...
43375	JOHN: sorry if i sound dumb, but dream bubbles are still kind of baffling to me.
43376	JOHN: you're, uh... "REALLY" dead?
43377	JOHN: as in, the real you? i mean... dang, what the hell am i even trying to ask here...
43378	VRISKA: No, I get what you're asking.
43379	VRISKA: Yes, the real me. The actual, legit, fully authentic alpha timeline Vriska. Dead. Gone. Fuckin' toast.
43380	JOHN: oh.
43381	JOHN: so when i meet up with everyone on your troll meteor in a year, that means...
43382	JOHN: you'll be...
43383	VRISKA: A corpse!!!!!!!!
43384	VRISKA: That's assuming my 8ody was sufficiently preserved during the trip.
43385	VRISKA: Which, now that I think a8out it, I guess it was? It must have 8een, 8ecause otherwise that unspeaka8le prototyping atrocity couldn't have happened.
43386	VRISKA: That piece of shit clown. I still have no idea what the deal with that was! He's completely lost his mind. Anyway, that's neither here nor there.
43387	VRISKA: Honestly, I'm surprised you hadn't already heard I was dead, one way or another. It's kind of old news?
43388	VRISKA: Then again, these things are all relative. So who knows.
43389	JOHN: ...
43390	VRISKA: Are you ok? You seem sad.
43391	JOHN: well,
43392	JOHN: yeah.
43393	JOHN: it's always sad to hear a friend died. even if you find out about it from their ghost.
43394	VRISKA: I guess so.
43395	JOHN: also, i had kind of thought that when we all arrived at the new session, that...
43396	JOHN: we were going to like... hang out. or something.
43397	VRISKA: Oh yeah! That's right. We were.
43398	VRISKA: 8ut then I got sta88ed through the 8ack. Which to 8e fair, was for the good of the party, so the meteor could make the trip in the first place, and keep this whole crazy sequence of events intact.
43399	VRISKA: Not gonna lie. I made some mistakes.
43400	JOHN: wow. what even happened out there?
43401	VRISKA: Just some pointless, deadly teen drama. Mostly 8rought on 8y ourselves, all acting like juvenile idiots. Like I said, old news.
43402	VRISKA: VERY old for me. I've 8een here a pretty long time now.
43403	VRISKA: A lot has happened since I died. John, did you know the little rendezvous we planned sort of already happened? I mean, in a way.
43404	JOHN: what? it did?
43405	VRISKA: Yes. With your ghost.
43406	JOHN: huh??
43407	VRISKA: I mean, the ghost of one of your altern8te selves, who died along the way doing some stupid thing.
43408	VRISKA: Actually, he and I d8ted for a little while.
43409	TAVROS: wHOA, hOLD ON,
43410	TAVROS: wHAT'S THIS, aBOUT DATING WHO?
43411	VRISKA: Groan. Here we go.
43412	TAVROS: wHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME, aBOUT THAT,
43413	VRISKA: Tavros, I have led a rich and complic8ted life and death. I can hardly 8e expected to tell you a8out every little thing that I've 8een through.
43414	VRISKA: 8esides, you should have already known this a8out me.
43415	TAVROS: wHY,
43416	VRISKA: 8ecause we shared a sprite 8ody once!!!!!!!! We 8riefly had access to all each others memories and feelings.
43417	VRISKA: So if you didn't take the chance to dig that out of my memory, you only have yourself to 8lame.
43418	TAVROS: nO, bUT, tHAT HARDLY LASTED ANY TIME AT ALL,
43419	TAVROS: aND THERE WERE A LOT, oF OVERWHELMING EXPERIENCES ALL HAPPENING AT ONCE,
43420	TAVROS: hOW COULD i TRY TO REMEMBER ALL YOUR MEMORIES BEFORE WE EXPLODED,
43421	VRISKA: Well, all I can say is, I managed! I took the opportunity to remem8er pretty much all YOUR memories.
43422	VRISKA: I was in and out like a 8andit, and now all your life experiences are mine.
43423	TAVROS: tHAT'S NOT FAIR,
43424	TAVROS: bECAUSE, yOU'RE SMARTER THAN ME, aND MORE CUNNING,
43425	VRISKA: Them's the 8r8ks!!!!!!!!
43426	JOHN: wait, i'm with tavros here, i think we should back this up a bit.
43427	JOHN: so, my alternate reality ghost dated you?
43428	VRISKA: Yes.
43429	JOHN: that...
43430	JOHN: but...
43431	VRISKA: What?
43432	JOHN: vriska, this is a very bizarre and unsettling fact to me!
43433	VRISKA: Why?
43434	JOHN: because...
43435	JOHN: man, i don't know, it just is!
43436	JOHN: you say we dated for a while, but like, i don't even get to remember doing that?
43437	JOHN: i think that's mostly what's weird about it.
43438	VRISKA: Hey, we apparently don't get to remem8er the results of a lot of choices we didn't actually make!
43439	VRISKA: Again, see: the 8r8ks.
43440	JOHN: well...
43441	JOHN: can you at least tell me what happened there? like, how did that go?
43442	VRISKA: It was fine. For a while.
43443	VRISKA: It didn't really work out.
43444	JOHN: oh.
43445	VRISKA: We crossed paths every now and then after that.
43446	VRISKA: Things stayed pretty friendly 8etween us.
43447	VRISKA: Until he died.
43448	JOHN: what??
43449	JOHN: what do you mean he died?
43450	VRISKA: He was murdered.
43451	JOHN: you mean... his GHOST died?
43452	VRISKA: Yes.
43453	JOHN: as in, he just doesn't exist at all anymore? like DEAD dead?
43454	VRISKA: Yes! Dead dead. For good.
43455	JOHN: i don't... how does that even...
43456	JOHN: who killed him???
43457	JOHN: was it jack?
43458	VRISKA: Jack? Are you kidding? No, John.
43459	VRISKA: Jack is 8arely in the picture as a threat anymore. He's just more old news.
43460	JOHN: he is not old news though!
43461	JOHN: he's still as strong and menacing as ever.
43462	JOHN: i just had an awesome battle with him in this very dream bubble!
43463	VRISKA: You did?
43464	JOHN: yeah. i found him skulking around a memory of my dead dad, and i got pissed off, so i really let him have it.
43465	JOHN: oh, i even used the cool hammer you helped me make. remember that?
43466	VRISKA: Oh yeah!
43467	VRISKA: Those were good times, when I helped you 8e gr8. ::::)
43468	JOHN: yes.
43469	JOHN: the last time i faced him was kind of embarrassing. i let him get the drop on me, and he just stabbed me right away.
43470	JOHN: but this time i think i held my own pretty well. i even got in one good hit against him!
43471	JOHN: i gave him a solid bop on the head, and the dice roll made him wear a silly hat.
43472	VRISKA: That's awesome!!!!!!!!
43473	VRISKA: One time in an altern8te reality, I came pretty close to killing him apparently.
43474	JOHN: oh really?
43475	VRISKA: You 8et. Too 8ad that was in a timeline that didn't really count. 8ut it's always reassuring to know you can put up a good fight against a strong adversary if you ever needed to. Now I guess you know you can too.
43476	JOHN: i guess so!
43477	VRISKA: What happened after you 8onked him on the head? I 8et he was mad.
43478	JOHN: yeah, he sure was. but our fight was interrupted by like... another taller, white jack dressed in rags.
43479	VRISKA: A white Jack?
43480	JOHN: well, no, it wasn't actually a jack, it was someone different altogether, who just looked like him. with wings and a sword and everything.
43481	JOHN: i think the white jack was probably a girl? i'm not sure, but that was my hunch. i didn't talk to her or anything. she looked really angry.
43482	JOHN: anyway, he seemed scared of her, so he flew away, and she chased him.
43483	JOHN: do you know who she was?
43484	VRISKA: No fucking clue.
43485	JOHN: whatever jack's doing out here in dream bubble land, he seems to have his hands full with her on his tail.
43486	JOHN: but as you can see, he is FAR from out of the picture.
43487	VRISKA: Ok, that may 8e, 8ut it sure wasn't Jack who killed a whole shitload of ghosts out here, including one of yours.
43488	VRISKA: I really dou8t Jack can even kill ghosts. In fact, I don't think anyone can except for this guy.
43489	JOHN: what guy?
43490	VRISKA: Lord English.
43491	JOHN: who??
43492	VRISKA: Wow, John. Really?
43493	VRISKA: Wow.
43494	VRISKA: Time to get a clue!
43495	VRISKA: Hasn't it ever occurred to you to wonder who the ultim8 8ad guy of this adventure was going to 8e?
43496	JOHN: ultimate bad guy?
43497	JOHN: you mean like the last boss?
43498	VRISKA: Man, even that way of putting it is a little too pedestrian.
43499	VRISKA: I mean, I already 8eat a last 8oss! The 8lack king was the officially sanctioned last 8oss of our session, and I killed him. This is different.
43500	VRISKA: There's always someone stronger w8ing to 8e revealed. Jack showed up shortly after that, and he was MUCH stronger.
43501	VRISKA: Eventually the curtains get pulled 8ack, and you find out who was 8ehind every terri8le thing that happened all along. Someone who is invaria8ly stronger than all other adversaries 8y a wide margin. The supreme villain!
43502	VRISKA: To 8e honest, I was always kind of w8ing for that guy to show up, whoever he was. For the other shoe to drop, you know? There's always a 8ig 8ad 8ehind everything. A true gamer sees stuff like this coming a mile away.
43503	JOHN: ok. if you say so.
43504	JOHN: i always kind of thought jack was evil and strong enough to be our main antagonist. but if you say there is someone even stronger and more evil, then... wow.
43505	VRISKA: Yes, I'll admit, I was fooled 8y Jack 8riefly.
43506	VRISKA: For a little while, I thought he was the supreme menace, and I would have to face him in a final showdown.
43507	VRISKA: 8ut it turned out that was just a 8it of standard misdirection. He was just another step up in a typical pattern of escal8tion involving increasingly "insurmounta8le" threats, which legendary heroes like us have to overcome to achieve total victory over everything.
43508	VRISKA: Also, let's face it. I don't think Jack is all that evil, so much as he's just a murderous asshole. Trust me, I know the type.
43509	VRISKA: 8ut English, that guy is as evil as they come. He's the real deal!!!!!!!!
43510	TAVROS: oKAY, cAN i JUST SAY SOMETHING,
43511	TAVROS: i STILL DON'T KNOW WHY YOU'RE SO SURE, hE'S THE FINAL VILLAIN,
43512	TAVROS: bECAUSE, yOU YOURSELF SAID, tHERE'S ALWAYS SOMEONE STRONGER, rIGHT,
43513	TAVROS: sO, i'M PERCEIVING A CONTRADICTION ABOUT YOUR FACTS,
43514	VRISKA: Tavros, come on. We've already talked a8out this ad nauseum.
43515	VRISKA: He's the 8ig 8ad!!!!!!!! It's so o8vious. I mean, MAY8E there's someone stronger out there in paradox space? Who knows.
43516	VRISKA: 8ut whoever that is has nothing to fucking do with this massive extended multiverse-spanning campaign!!!!!!!!
43517	VRISKA: English was the guy who stacked the whole deck against us from the start, rigging shit to go haywire, wiping out our race, 8lowing up universes, exterimin8ting ghosts, slaughtering dark gods, and shattering reality itself. Pretty sure we reached the top floor, 8uddy!
43518	TAVROS: oKAY, bUT ALL i'M SAYING IS, wHAT IF,
43519	TAVROS: tHERE'S SOMEONE EVEN WORSE THAN THAT, dUE TO SPECULATION,
43520	VRISKA: Un8elieva8le.
43521	VRISKA: John, just ignore him. He tends to 8e contrary just for the sake of 8eing contrary. It's just what he does these days.
43522	VRISKA: He seems to think it's how you show confidence and assertiveness. The key to high self esteem is apparently just saying "nuh uh!" all the time.
43523	TAVROS: nO, tHAT'S NOT TRUE,
43524	VRISKA: See?
43525	VRISKA: This was apparently the 8ig lesson he learned from sharing a 8rain with me for a few minutes. In order to feel good a8out yourself, just 8e a constant pain in the ass!!!!!!!!
43526	TAVROS: nO, tHAT'S NOT WHAT i LEARNED,
43527	JOHN: haha.
43528	JOHN: i see what you mean.
43529	TAVROS: nO,
43530	TAVROS: nO,
43531	TAVROS: nO, oKAY, i REALIZE ALL i'M SAYING IS NO, WHICH IS JUST HELPING MAKE YOU LOOK AS RIGHT AS POSSIBLE ABOUT MAKING FUN OF ME,
43532	TAVROS: bUT i LEARNED IN YOUR BRAIN THAT YOU AREN'T ALWAYS RIGHT ABOUT EVERYTHING,
43533	TAVROS: yOU WERE WRONG ABOUT LOTS OF THINGS,
43534	TAVROS: yOU WERE WRONG ABOUT RUFIO!
43535	TAVROS: rUFIO WAS REAL ALL ALONG, }:D
43536	VRISKA: Alright, granted, there did in fact exist a person 8y that name.
43537	VRISKA: You aren't spelling it right, though.
43538	TAVROS: hOW DO YOU KNOW HOW i'M SPELLING IT, wHEN i'M JUST TALKING, iNSTEAD OF USING LETTERS,
43539	VRISKA: 8ecause that's how you spelled it when we used to chat online, dum8ass!!!!!!!! You weren't using enough letters.
43540	TAVROS: sO,
43541	VRISKA: And in any case, he doesn't actually represent your self esteem. He's just some dude.
43542	TAVROS: bUT, hE MAKES ME FEEL BETTER ABOUT MYSELF wHEN i THINK OF HIM, sO THE REALITY IS EFFECTIVELY EQUIVALENT TO MY FRAUDULENT CHILDHOOD SUPERSTITION,
43543	VRISKA: Lol. Whatever floats your 8oat.
43544	JOHN: you both seem a bit testy with each other. it's kind of funny.
43545	JOHN: actually it's a little hard to believe you and he are...
43546	VRISKA: What?
43547	JOHN: er...
43548	JOHN: never mind, actually.
43549	VRISKA: ???????!
43550	JOHN: i take it you were pretty good friends back on your planet?
43551	VRISKA: You could say that.
43552	VRISKA: There's a pretty loaded history 8etween us. It's pro8a8ly 8est not to get into it.
43553	VRISKA: None of that matters anymore anyway, it was so long ago. You know how it is.
43554	JOHN: um. sure?
43555	VRISKA: Issues 8etween people seem like such a 8ig deal when they're happening. 8ut then you die, and time just goes on, and on........ then on some more.
43556	VRISKA: If enough time passes, shit that used to 8e a 8ig deal kind of stops mattering.
43557	VRISKA: Ok, full disclosure. I used to do a lot of terri8le things to Tavros.
43558	VRISKA: Once I launched him off a cliff and paralyzed him. And if that wasn't 8ad enough, I spent sweeps mocking him for the disa8ility I caused! Haha.
43559	VRISKA: Oh yeah. Then I killed him.
43560	JOHN: oh, right. i remember you said you killed someone that you cared about. i guess this is him?
43561	VRISKA: Mm hm.
43562	VRISKA: 8ut like I said, that's suuuuuuuuch old news now, it might as well not have even happened.
43563	VRISKA: Tavros doesn't give a shit a8out that stuff anymore.
43564	TAVROS: hEY, wAIT, mAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T, SPEAK FOR ME?
43565	TAVROS: i STILL KIND OF THINK THAT STUFF WAS ALL PRETTY MEAN, eVEN THOUGH IT WAS FOREVER AGO,
43566	TAVROS: iT'S JUST, i HAVE CHOSEN TO BE THE BIGGER MAN, aND NOT HOLD IT AGAINST LIKING YOU,
43567	VRISKA: Hahahaha! John, can you 8elieve this guy?
43568	VRISKA: This is the kind of shit I have to deal with all the time.
43569	TAVROS: oH GOD,
43570	TAVROS: nO, tIME OUT, i'M FLAGGING THIS, vRISKA, aS TERRIBLE BEHAVIOR,
43571	VRISKA: Tavros, the 8igger man is only ACTUALLY the 8igger man if he doesn't refer to himself as the 8igger man. That's kind of the point?
43572	VRISKA: Unless the intent is to produce some form of socially awkward comic relief, which let's face it, is what you're all a8out.
43573	VRISKA: 8ut that's what I like a8out you.
43574	TAVROS: yES, }:)
43575	JOHN: hmm, i feel like... maybe we got sidetracked there?
43576	JOHN: maybe you should tell me more about this english guy.
43577	JOHN: frankly, it seems like i'm usually one of the last people to learn about stuff like this, and it's starting to make me feel like a bit of a tool.
43578	VRISKA: He's just some huge overpowered green freak. A time traveling monster, supposedly invinci8le.
43579	VRISKA: Who he is, what he is, where he came from, none of that really matters.
43580	VRISKA: What matters is how we're going to defeat him.
43581	VRISKA: That's what Tavros and I have 8een working on here for some time now.
43582	JOHN: working on what?
43583	VRISKA: Treasure hunting!
43584	JOHN: oh yeah?
43585	JOHN: what treasure?
43586	VRISKA: Yes. Ok, I should explain.
43587	VRISKA: There's sort of a plan in motion to 8eat English. It's a three pronged approach.
43588	VRISKA: A num8er of people out here in the furthest ring are working on different prongs of the strategy independently.
43589	VRISKA: The first is a quest to find the lost ghost of some alien girl. She's said to 8e one of the keys to defeating him in some way.
43590	VRISKA: Other people are allegedly out there working on that right now. If you ask me, it sounds like a really 8oring approach to defeating him. Who knows if it's even true.
43591	TAVROS: (gIVe it tO me,)
43592	JOHN: (stop that!)
43593	JOHN: (keep your hands to yourself.)
43594	VRISKA: The second is a quest to raise an army of ghosts to challenge him directly in some kind of huge 8attle royale, I guess.
43595	VRISKA: From what I understand, some yahoo out there is 8usy rounding people up. I really have no idea how that's going. I usually just hear stuff through the grapevine.
43596	VRISKA: That approach doesn't really interest me either. Gonna file it under "8oring" as well. Seems a little heavy handed, not to mention too slow.
43597	TAVROS: (gIve Me thE riNG,)
43598	JOHN: (no!)
43599	TAVROS: (yes, yOu ASs,)
43600	JOHN: (dude, you suck at whispering!)
43601	TAVROS: (you sAiD you'D GIve it to me,)
43602	JOHN: (i changed my mind!)
43603	VRISKA: The third prong is what Tavros and I are 8usy with. The aforementioned treasure hunt.
43604	VRISKA: The legend says there's some mystical ancient treasure hidden somewhere out here in the furthest ring.
43605	VRISKA: I'm assuming it's some kind of weapon. It's said that if you use it, or like, activ8te it in some way, he can 8e defeated forever.
43606	VRISKA: The nature of the treasure is pretty vague, actually. 8ut the first rule of treasure hunting, which I'm admittedly just making up now, is that it doesn't fucking matter what the treasure is.
43607	TAVROS: (wE had a deAl,)
43608	JOHN: (quit it!)
43609	TAVROS: (why Are you sUcH a liar,)
43610	JOHN: (shut up. i'm keeping it.)
43611	TAVROS: (thiS is noT cOOl,)
43612	TAVROS: (you're PrevenTing joYful human sTYled matrimonY frOM happEning,)
43613	JOHN: (yeah right. like she would even say yes.)
43614	JOHN: (i don't even think she's really your girlfriend. i think you made that up!)
43615	TAVROS: (wow, no, wOw,)
43616	TAVROS: (you wEnt thERE,)
43617	VRISKA: These three goals are all tied to the same legend which I've uncovered clues a8out over time. Legendary shit is everywhere out here. I'm seriously up to my ass in legend. Hell, I probably even qualify as a legend myself!!!!!!!!
43618	VRISKA: When it comes to solving a 8ig mystery like this, it doesn't hurt that everywhere we go, places are composed of the collective memories of many different adventurers.
43619	VRISKA: We've explored ancient crypts, networks of 8urial mounds, dusty old tom8s, giant pyramids, you name it. Hints a8out the endgame are hidden all over the place.
43620	VRISKA: Really, everyone's pretty lucky I died so I could do all the dirty work on this. Let's get real, no8ody's 8etter prepared to take on the treasure hunting duties than I am.
43621	TAVROS: (unhAnd the treasurE,)
43622	TAVROS: (it's prEcious to Me, jUst liKe, My beautiful GIRLFRIEND,)
43623	JOHN: (you are so full of shit!)
43624	TAVROS: (we're in LOVE toGetHEr, aSSHole,)
43625	JOHN: (there's no way you're getting this ring.)
43626	TAVROS: (fUCk, YoU,)
43627	VRISKA: Not that I'd have it any other way. This just sounds like the 8est plan to me. Why 8other messing around with an army of ghostly dipshits, or some shy magic alien when you can go str8 for the ultim8 weapon?
43628	VRISKA: Hell, may8e I'll just walk right up to him, one-shot the guy and end it all right there.
43629	VRISKA: That's how a real pro goes a8out 8usiness. You take any shortcut you find.
43630	JOHN: (i am going to wish as super hard as i can that i wake up with this ring.)
43631	JOHN: (it's probably magic, so i bet it makes my wish come true!)
43632	TAVROS: (i doubT that From happeNing,)
43633	JOHN: (if i wish hard enough, that will make it slightly less impossible!)
43634	TAVROS: (oh, you bastARD, you arE gOOd,)
43635	JOHN: (i think some day i will use it to propose to *MY* girlfriend. what do you think about THAT, wise guy?)
43636	TAVROS: (noOO!!!)
43637	TAVROS: (gIMme,)
43638	JOHN: (this is pathetic.)
43639	JOHN: (stop grabbing at me! we're missing what she's saying!)
43640	JOHN: (she's going to think we're idiots, won't you STOP?)
43641	VRISKA: Are you fuckers even listening to me???????? God DAMN it.
43642	JOHN: yes!
43643	VRISKA: No you're not. You're squa88ling with Tavros and his loud shitty whispering a8out some 8ullshit.
43644	VRISKA: Come on, guys. Am I really 8eing that 8oring?
43645	VRISKA: I'm really starting to understand how my ancestor must have felt sometimes. No8ody ever respects an important explan8tion!!!!!!!!
43646	TAVROS: (i've alReadY heARd yoUR explANAtions, tHough,)
43647	VRISKA: Why are you still whispering jackass?!
43648	TAVROS: oHH,
43649	TAVROS: sORRY,
43650	VRISKA: Sigh.
43651	VRISKA: 8oth of you just keep your damn hands to yourselves, shut up, and let me finish my story.
43652	VRISKA: Tavros! 8ring me the treasure maps!!!!!!!!
43653	TAVROS: yES,
43654	TAVROS: rIGHT AWAY,
43655	VRISKA: Yes, that's it. Dump them all over the floor a8out ten feet away from me, just like that.
43656	VRISKA: The sloppier the pile and the further away from me the 8etter. Gr8 jo8, Tavros.
43657	TAVROS: tHANK YOU,
43658	VRISKA: John, come take a look at this.
43659	JOHN: those are all treasure maps?
43660	VRISKA: Sort of! Pro8a8ly not like any maps you've seen.
43661	VRISKA: Check it out. This ought to help you understand how frustr8ting this treasure hunt really is.
43662	VRISKA: John, tell me what you see here.
43663	JOHN: um...
43664	JOHN: where?
43665	VRISKA: Right here.
43666	VRISKA: What is this? This thing I'm holding?
43667	JOHN: a black piece of paper?
43668	VRISKA: No, John.
43669	VRISKA: This is 8ULLSHIT is what it is.
43670	JOHN: oh.
43671	JOHN: yes, clearly.
43672	VRISKA: This is what a map looks like in the furthest ring.
43673	VRISKA: This is what ALL maps look like out here.
43674	VRISKA: Turns out plotting the relative geographical features of an infinite 8lack expanse of pure void is every 8it as moronic as it sounds. 8ut that didn't stop some ancient eldritch chucklefuck from doing exactly that.
43675	VRISKA: For the longest time, this is all we've had to go on when it came to deciphering the clues and figuring out the coordin8tes of the legendary treasure.
43676	VRISKA: Do you have any idea how hard it is to pin down the physical location of something out here? Never mind the fact that physical location in the furthest ring is already a mallea8le concept. Just imagine what it's like giving someone directions! What do you tell them?
43677	VRISKA: Proceed in a str8 line shaped like a perpetually shifting torus knot until you feel a sense of despair transcending all mortal comprehension, then hang a right at the next octopus?
43678	VRISKA: There's nothing static out there. No landmarks, no points of reference. Nothing!
43679	VRISKA: If you want to make any headway in this gr8 8ig field of fuckall, SOMEONE has got to start wrecking some shit.
43680	JOHN: would that someone be you?
43681	VRISKA: Haha. I wish I had that kind of firepower. 8ut no.
43682	VRISKA: You wouldn't 8elieve my luck.
43683	VRISKA: You see, recently someone's 8een doing that dirty work for us.
43684	VRISKA: Want to know what the kicker is?
43685	VRISKA: The guy who's 8een fucking shit up is the 8ig 8ad himself!
43686	VRISKA: Every time he destroys another dream 8u88le, he does a little more damage to the furthest ring, inexplica8ly shattering the essence of all-encompassing nothingness.
43687	VRISKA: As the cracks spread across the void, new points of reference show up on our maps!
43688	VRISKA: Then we look at the angles and intersections and all the shapes formed 8y the cracks, and compare them to our notes from the various riddles and clues we've discovered a8out the path to the treasure.
43689	VRISKA: It's actually a little like how in old times on Alternia, pir8s used to navig8 8y shapes the stars made. Constell8tions used to have a lot of significance in our culture, not just guiding explorers on their journeys to physical destin8tions, 8ut guiding them on the choices they made in life, pertaining to f8 and all that. Not that humans would really understand anything like that.
43690	VRISKA: I actually find the situ8tion to 8e pretty funny. This guy's ego must 8e astronomical. Classic case of unchecked hu8ris paving the way for his own downfall.
43691	VRISKA: I didn't even need to 8uild a we8 to trap him. He just went ahead and started 8uilding his own.
43692	VRISKA: Talk a8out a lucky 8r8k!!!!!!!!
43693	JOHN: that is pretty neat.
43694	JOHN: so does that mean you know where the treasure is now?
43695	VRISKA: No, 8ecause the map isn't complete yet!
43696	VRISKA: Needs more cracks so we can plot the rest of the course. All we're a8le to do now is head in the right general direction.
43697	VRISKA: So ironically in order to prevent reality from 8eing destroyed, we need to w8 for it to 8e damaged further. In fact, we're 8etter off encouraging it!
43698	JOHN: encouraging it?
43699	JOHN: what, you mean like, making him mad so he breaks more... uh...
43700	JOHN: nothingness?
43701	VRISKA: Yes, 8ut it has to 8e strategic. We have to somehow lead him in the direction of the places we want him to damage.
43702	VRISKA: Specifically, the places where the route dead-ends. Wherever we need new points of reference to keep going.
43703	JOHN: so that means you have to piss him off i guess.
43704	VRISKA: Not really. He's already pissed off. I think he's just permanently that way?
43705	VRISKA: It's more a8out getting his attention. Using the right 88! Like going fishing.
43706	VRISKA: 8ut to do that, you gotta know what he really wants. Like what motiv8tes him. I mean, 8esides indiscrimin8tely killing dead children and huge tentacle monsters.
43707	JOHN: i am guessing you have an idea what that might be?
43708	VRISKA: Sure. The rumor is he's trying to find that dead alien girl I mentioned, and kill her ghost for good.
43709	VRISKA: If he catches on to the fact that some of us are looking for her too, and thinks we're hot on her trail, he'll pro8a8ly start following us around and wreaking havoc wherever we go.
43710	VRISKA: We just have to make sure we're in the right place when he tries to kill us. Oh, also try not to actually die again while we're at it. Haha.
43711	JOHN: so the bait is really you.
43712	VRISKA: Sort of! It's actually more the 8ogus idea that we'll lead him to the cheru8, 8ecause we're looking for her too. Which we're o8viously not.
43713	VRISKA: There's some manipul8tion involved.
43714	JOHN: ok. how do you know he'll go for it? i mean, how will he actually know you're "looking" for her?
43715	VRISKA: That's a pretty good question. Have to admit, I don't have everything quite figured out yet.
43716	TAVROS: yEEAAAAAAAAAAH,
43717	VRISKA: Shhhhhhh! I'm still talking!
43718	TAVROS: bUT, tHAT'S NEVER NOT BEING THE CASE, aLWAYS,
43719	VRISKA: Nice sentence, genius! Anyway, like I was saying........
43720	VRISKA: I'm hoping my exploits can spread throughout the ring 8y word of mouth. Tales of my legend, you know?
43721	VRISKA: Then once he catches on, he'll come looking for us, and then presuma8ly go apeshit with his rain8ow laser 8reath. Metaphysical cataclysm ensues.
43722	JOHN: that sounds... optimistic?
43723	TAVROS: yEAH, eXACTLY,
43724	TAVROS: sEE, tHIS TO ME, mAYBE SPEAKS TO THE DANGER,
43725	TAVROS: oF HAVING SELF ESTEEM THAT IS UNREASONABLY HIGH,
43726	JOHN: heh.
43727	VRISKA: Oh, shut up.
43728	VRISKA: I said it's a work in progress!!!!!!!!
43729	VRISKA: We might need to make a 8igger spectacle of ourselves somehow. Get more people involved. I don't know.
43730	VRISKA: It does seems like he's more drawn toward gr8ter concentr8tions of ghosts.
43731	VRISKA: There's still plenty of time to figure it out. That's one thing a8out 8eing dead. There's always more time.
43732	VRISKA: Plus, needless to say, lady luck will ALWAYS 8e on our side! ::::)
43733	JOHN: well...
43734	JOHN: cool!
43735	JOHN: that was actually a very interesting story, vriska.
43736	JOHN: you're a pretty good story teller!
43737	VRISKA: You think so?
43738	TAVROS: oH, yES, i THINK SO TOO,
43739	TAVROS: sHE'S GOTTEN MUCH BETTER AT STORIES, aS A RECREATIONAL LONG TERM DEATH HOBBY,
43740	JOHN: oh yeah?
43741	TAVROS: sURE, wE'VE BOTH LOOKED AT LESSONS FROM OUR ANCESTORS, tO IMPROVE OUR SOULS,
43742	TAVROS: hER ANCESTRAL AWAKENING HAS TO DO WITH UNDERSTANDING HER DESTINY, tO TELL LONG STORIES TO PEOPLE, aND MAKE THEM LISTEN TO ALL THE WORDS IRREGARDLESS OF THEIR INTEREST, bY ANY MEANS NECESSARY,
43743	TAVROS: tHE ART OF SAYING OPTIMAL TALES BY MY UNDERSTANDING, iS TO CHARGE THROUGH ALL CONCEIVABLE DETAILS AND EXCESSIVE MINUTIA, uNTIL THEY ARE EXHAUSTED COMPLETELY, mUCH LIKE IT IS A SPIRITUAL PRACTICE, aND EXTRANEOUS INFORMATION IS TREATED LIKE THE RELIGIOUS WORDS YOU SAY OVER AND OVER AGAIN UNTIL BRAIN PEACE HAPPENS,
43744	JOHN: that's... one way of looking at it.
43745	JOHN: i don't know about excessive minutia or brain peace, but i was hanging on every word!
43746	VRISKA: Aw, you guys. You're making me 8lush.
43747	JOHN: i wish i could hang out with you longer and maybe even help you with your treasure hunt.
43748	JOHN: but i just know i'm gonna be waking up soon.
43749	JOHN: darn. who even knows how long it will be before we meet again in another bubble?
43750	TAVROS: yEAH, wELL,
43751	TAVROS: tHEM'S THE BREAKS, aHA, aHA,
43752	TAVROS: (soOn, iT wilL be MIne,)
43753	VRISKA: Don't mind him, John. He's just 8eing weird and tooly again.
43754	VRISKA: It was nice to see you and catch up like this. If we don't meet in another dream soon, don't worry.
43755	VRISKA: I have a feeling we'll 8e crossing paths again 8efore this is all over!
43756	[If game doesn't play, try another browser. Chrome or Firefox Recommended.]
43757	[MAP]
43758	MEENAH: sup nitram
43759	RUFIOH: oh, hey doll... you were gone a crazy long t1me...
43760	RUFIOH: good to have you back, though... yo, that bomb stunt you pulled was some crazy sh*t.
43761	MEENAH: wasnt no thang
43762	RUFIOH: don't sell yourself short... 1 don't th1nk 1 could have done that. you're pretty gangsta, pe1xes.
43763	MEENAH: yeah i know
43764	MEENAH: hey lets stop talking about how badbass i am a minute and talk about you
43765	RUFIOH: shoot, doll...
43766	MEENAH: those wings
43767	MEENAH: you was hatched with em right
43768	MEENAH: or i guess pupated them
43769	RUFIOH: ha, yeah that's r1ght... 1'm a "m*tant"... don't tell kankr1 1 sa1d that! he's my boy, but you know how he's not down w1th l1ngo l1ke that...
43770	MEENAH: ug dont even say it he will like teleport into our conversation with ghost magic just to shoosh you
43771	RUFIOH: yeah... he does that to you too, huh... that's some crazy sh*t!
43772	MEENAH: ok so you always had wings then
43773	MEENAH: then i guess you arent secretly a god tier or
43774	RUFIOH: nah... m1ght have been cool to go full on rogue... hey, maybe you coulda g1ven me l1ke, steal1ng po1nters... what as a th1ef and all!
43775	RUFIOH: but naw, 1 don't th1nk 1 could have gone through w1th that... not 1ntent1onally 1 mean...
43776	MEENAH: what why not
43777	RUFIOH: 1 don't know... k1ll1ng yourself, that's... a heavy th1ng to do. 1'm not l1ke you, meenah... 1 don't th1nk anyone 1s... well maybe damara 1s k1nda... but maybe we shouldn't go 1nto that, hahaha. let unhatched f1duspawn l1e, you know...
43778	MEENAH: ...
43779	RUFIOH: what 1'm say1ng 1s, you got game... and 1 can d1g that... but 1 was never as brave as people always thought... 1 don't know why they always thought that about me. maybe 1t's my w1ngs or my mohawk... or when 1 shout bangarang somet1mes real loud? makes 1t seem l1ke 1'm the sh1t, w1th b1g self esteem... but my self esteem 1s noth1ng really to crow about... 1 dunno...
43780	MEENAH: alright so you never god tiered but i still dont get somefin
43781	MEENAH: didnt you have a totally fuckin stupid robot body at some point or did i just imagine that
43782	MEENAH: that whole period of time in our session was reel foggy to me i guess because i was dead for a while there
43783	RUFIOH: yeaaah...
43784	RUFIOH: no, the robot body was def1n1tely a th1ng... 1 k1nd of blocked that out of my memory too, haha... that was... that sh*t was someth1ng else, yo! crazy...
43785	RUFIOH: 1'm sure you remember how all that started... back when damara and 1 were st1ll dat1ng... r1ng any bells?
43786	MEENAH: yeah
43787	MEENAH: fuckin megido
43788	MEENAH: do we really need to rehash that ancient bullshit drama
43789	RUFIOH: no, no... heh, just say1ng 1s all... 1t was that whole th1ng... anyway, that's when horuss was k1nd of mack1ng on me, remember... and 1 wasn't all about to vac1llate w1th h1m and her cause 1 knew how she was... d*mn, so jealous... so f***1ng crazy...
43790	RUFIOH: so she made me a cr*pple, remember?
43791	MEENAH: tag that shit homie
43792	RUFIOH: d*mn, yeah... 1 mean, she busted me up... couldn't move a muscle... well, could st1ll flap my w1ngs well enough, haha...
43793	RUFIOH: really, 1 thought 1t would be alr1ght, just flapp1ng w1ngs around... 1 could st1ll fly and just hang there l1mp... m1ght have been a dope look!
43794	RUFIOH: but nah... horuss thought better of 1t. bu1lt me the robo-bod, wh1ch was pretty t1ght...
43795	RUFIOH: lost my w1ngs though wh1ch sucked... and k1nd of awkward just hav1ng a real guy's head on top of a b1g metal body and mak1ng all those d*mn legs move the r1ght way, you know... trott1ng 1s hard work yo.
43796	RUFIOH: better than be1ng a cr*pple though. 1 mean a quadr1pleg1c, oops, haha... but 1 guess you d1dn't know what happened after that, s1nce you and damara were k1ll1ng each other and all...
43797	MEENAH: no what
43798	RUFIOH: well... 1 d1ed. yeah... but...
43799	RUFIOH: that's l1ke... wow, long story... guess you never heard... 1'll tell you some other t1me, 1t's th1s whole crazy th1ng. but...
43800	RUFIOH: 1 was dead, r1ght? and horuss k1ssed me back to l1fe... but just my head 1 th1nk... he was probably stand1ng on some mounta1n str1k1ng a pose l1ke a f***1ng gangsta, probably f1ght1ng a hoofbeast w1th a flam1ng mane and all...
43801	RUFIOH: so yeah, next you saw me 1 had my normal body aga1n... 1t was cool of h1m to help me all the ways he has.
43802	RUFIOH: and yeah, we went out, me and h1m... for a long t1me after that, k1nda off and on, even after we d1ed... 1n case you were gonna ask...
43803	MEENAH: i wasnt
43804	RUFIOH: r1ght... haha... too much 1nformat1on 1 guess? sorry doll.
43805	RUFIOH: 1 always wanted to thank you for stand1ng up for me... you know, when she cr*ppled me... even though 1t cost ya... that was pure class, pe1xes, 1'll never forget 1t.
43806	MEENAH: man i wouldnt have had to if you could just stand up for yourself sometimes
43807	MEENAH: i mean being paralyzed notfishstanding
43808	RUFIOH: heh... yeah... 1 guess...
43809	MEENAH: you are the only guy in our group who was ever even close to being pretty cool
43810	MEENAH: everyone else sucks but you were almost alright
43811	MEENAH: you were always such a pushover though
43812	MEENAH: pretty lame bro
43813	KANKRI: Excuse me. Meenah, "lame" is an a6leist slur, which in this c9ntext is REALLY inappr9priate. Tagging y9ur j9kes with "ir9nic" trigger warnings really d9es n9t excuse the 6ehavi9r. I'll thank y9u t9 refrain fr9m using such terms in the future.
43814	MEENAH: AAAAAUG)(A
43815	MEENAH: i probubbly shouldnt even ask this since youre not as brave as people make out with you to be
43816	MEENAH: i mean make you out to be
43817	MEENAH: but would you want to come away with me to...
43818	RUFIOH: whoa, man... not you too!!! ahaha...
43819	MEENAH: wut
43820	RUFIOH: 1t's f1ne... 1t's alr1ght that you d1g me, 1'm flattered... you were just the last person who hadn't h1t on me yet... and 1 k1nda dug that about you, you know?
43821	MEENAH: i wasnt asking you out dope
43822	RUFIOH: oh... wow... sh*t! sorry, guess 1 got the wrong 1dea...
43823	RUFIOH: 1t's just k1nd of a reflex, doll... you know? everybody h1ts on me all the t1me, and 1 don't know why... sh*t 1s crazy...
43824	RUFIOH: just the other day, get th1s... some orange guy 1n a green sh1rt jumped out of some bushes and tr1ed to k1ss me... and 1'm l1ke whaaat... step off jolly man, haha...
43825	MEENAH: maybe its cause youre a bishie ass glubberfucker with a kickin hawk
43826	RUFIOH: yo, that's cool of you to say... you've got k1nda th1s otenba b1shojo th1ng go1ng on yourself, g1rl... your style rocks, 1 always thought you looked pretty slamm1n...
43827	MEENAH: for what its worth
43828	MEENAH: i would be your moe dere dere waifu in the beat of a pump biscuit
43829	MEENAH: if i was remotely attracted to you or found your personality more appealing
43830	MEENAH: and also if i shared your dumb passion for troll anime and didnt think it clogged massive blowhole
43831	RUFIOH: ahaha, bangarang! that's a scenar1o 1'd be alr1ght w1th...
43832	RUFIOH: no one really to talk to anymore about my stor1es, yo... s1nce th1ngs got so ch1lly w1th my ex...
43833	MEENAH: goddamn witch
43834	RUFIOH: seriously... she crazy...
43835	RUFIOH: so what were you go1ng to ask me... uh, 1f not on a date?
43836	MEENAH: never mind
43837	MEENAH: youre not even gonna agree anyway cause this team suuuuucks
43838	MEENAH: later ruf
43839	RUFIOH: oh sh*t... you want to be me? ok that's pretty dope 1 guess.
43840	RUFIOH: but can 1t wa1t? my lusus 1s m1ss1ng aga1n and 1 can't th1nk stra1ght w1thout h1m... he's my happy thought!!! haha...
43841	RUFIOH: 1 hope damara d1dn't do someth1ng w1th h1m... she l1kes to f*** w1th me somet1mes by stash1ng the l1ttle guy somewhere... she's bonkers!!!
43842	It's a happy looking HOST PLUSH! It won't be so happy anymore if you hatch a FIDUSPAWN EGG near it. Maybe you'll be able to find some eggs in this area if you keep searching. Then the REAL fun can begin.
43843	You got a BUSTED ROBOT HEAD!
43844	There was a rumor going around that once, through an elaborate courtship process, Horuss sent Rufioh a robotic duplicate of himself to spar with, piece by piece. The last part he sent was supposedly the head.
43845	That's almost certainly a myth. Horuss is a pretty strange dude, but he would have to be a total lunatic to do something like that. The anecdote strains plausibility.
43846	You got a pair of DUTTON BUBBLE GOGGLES!
43847	You can see into infinity for eternity.
43848	Just the way Charles Dutton would have wanted it.
43849	D'aw, looks like he's all tuckered out under the brain tree.
43850	This chest appears to have an extremely complicated lock. There's no way you can open it. You'll need to find someone who's handy with gadgets.
43851	HORUSS: 8=D < Your Harness... I mean Hayness. Highness I mean.
43852	HORUSS: 8=D < F*DDLEST*%. Please pardon my utterly e%ecrable language, and unforgivable stammering, your Horseness.
43853	HORUSS: 8=D < I am a bale of nerves in your royal presence, and it has been so long.
43854	HORUSS: 8=D < And when I am so spooked, you must know how that causes me to even more firmly identify with the majestic hoofbeast.
43855	MEENAH: hey uh
43856	MEENAH: horuss what...
43857	MEENAH: what the fuck is that thing youre prefixing all your talkin with
43858	HORUSS: 8=D < Oh, this? What, you don't recognize it?
43859	MEENAH: no and its weirding me out
43860	HORUSS: 8=D < Why, it is my smiling face, you s*lly, utterly superior person, you. Goggles and all. Can't you see?
43861	MEENAH: i
43862	MEENAH: guess??
43863	MEENAH: its disturbin as heck to me for whatever reason
43864	HORUSS: 8=D < The last thing I desire is to disconcert our prodigal empress.
43865	HORUSS: 8=D < I just thought I would try smiling permanently and uncompromisingly, rather than resnorting to all those disgruntled e%pressions I usually trot out.
43866	MEENAH: why the eff would you want to do that
43867	HORUSS: 8=D < It was on Meulin's suggestion, actually.
43868	MEENAH: huh??
43869	HORUSS: 8=D < Oh, I guess you must not have herd. She and I have developed quite a STRONG and stable moirallegiance recently.
43870	MEENAH: daaaang
43871	MEENAH: that matchup makes no glubbin sense dude
43872	HORUSS: 8=D < E%actly. Whoof would have thought? If you a%ed me before we all died whether I would consider romantically pairing with a r*d*culous midb100d, let alone Ms. Leijon of all people, I'd probably have died regardless, due to laughter-induced asphy%iation.
43873	HORUSS: 8=D < But do you know what it was that finally cleared the sweat steam-induced fog from my goggles? It was meeting our post-scratch counterparts.
43874	HORUSS: 8=D < Seeing our corresponding young Alternians, why it threatened to produce a tear-induced f100d on the inside of my goggles.
43875	HORUSS: 8=D < Their relationship in spite of the STRONG class disparity I found to be so moving, so pure. It made me reconsider my perspective on Meulin entirely, who horsenestly I'd hardly ever given a second thought.
43876	HORUSS: 8=D < It's funny, don't you think? How our young ancestors took to a completely different social configuration, making for some rather odd pairings, both platonic and otherwise. A whole host of counterintuitive minglings, up and down the hemospectrum with no regard for class compatibility. And yet it all seems to make a strange amount of sense. Neigh, I might go as far as saying it's all oddly rather...
43877	HORUSS: 8=D < T*tillating? Or no, perhaps what I mean is some of their Alternian indiscretions feel a bit, I don't know...
43878	HORUSS: 8=D < Naughty?
43879	HORUSS: 8=D < Oh ph**ey, that's not what I mean either. (Pardon my p*ttymouth.) Now you'll probably mistake me for some kind of r*scally deviant.
43880	MEENAH: man why yall still act like you give a heap of manure about dating down on the spectrum
43881	MEENAH: you and nitram been a thing for how long now
43882	HORUSS: 8=D < Yes, but no one was supposed to know about that!
43883	HORUSS: 8=D < That was always to be my own private, um, e%ploration. I had no intention of creating such a stirrup.
43884	HORUSS: 8=D < It was only to be a very private, fleeting dalliance with a BUOY, but the whole thing became so quickly scandalized.
43885	HORUSS: 8=D < And soon others were whisked into it such as you and the vengeful rust b100d, and... well, imagine my embarrassment. Trust me, the last thing I wanted was for royalty such as yourself to know I was pursuing forbidden b100d. To be caught with my hoof in the chocolate jar, so to nicker.
43886	MEENAH: ill
43887	HORUSS: 8=D < And I suppose I would have clopped my hands of the matter after the big k*rfuffle, but...
43888	HORUSS: 8=D < I guess I didn't e%pect to fall in love.
43889	MEENAH:
43890	HORUSS: 8=D < It's true. I am not ashamed to say it. I fell mane over hooves. Phantom snout over phantom hind quarters. He...
43891	HORUSS: 8=D < He stole my breath away.
43892	MEENAH: wow life story alert do not care
43893	HORUSS: 8=D < My apologies, your E%cellency.
43894	MEENAH: just tell me why paling up with meu means you have to make that terrible face now
43895	HORUSS: 8=D < She's taught me to get in touch with my anger. Through a moderately discernible series of enthusiastic mimes, she has made it clear that it is much healthier to crush all negative emotions beneath a stampede of positivity, and to always be cheerful and upbeat no matter what, even if projecting that facade is at times physically painful.
43896	MEENAH: that is some shitsauce advice and you should give it up homes
43897	HORUSS: 8=D < Um, yes. Very well.
43898	HORUSS: (;≧Д≦) < Is this better?
43899	MEENAH: much
43900	HORUSS: 8=D < Respectfully, your Superlative Magnificency, I do not think that would be advisable.
43901	MEENAH: whoa shocker of the centaury
43902	HORUSS: 8=D < Of course, I will if you order me to without hesitation. But lately I've been attempting to canter down a trail of nonviolence.
43903	HORUSS: 8=D < I've been saddled for so long with anger and hostility, and now my focus is on solving problems in ways that do not involve confrontation or physical STRENGTH.
43904	HORUSS: 8=D < Technology can solve so many problems, for instance. Do you have any idea how much energy is stored in sweat which may be released through its steam?
43905	HORUSS: 8=D < Have you any clue as to the MIGHT of a quadrupedal automaton powered by raging currents of steam coursing through its e%quisite horizontal torso, and finally jetting through a perfect pair of metal nostrils? I could build as many as you like, my Empress.
43906	MEENAH: um no think i will pass on taking an army of snorting horsebots with me
43907	MEENAH: so thats all you do is build stupid shit that runs on your sweat now?
43908	MEENAH: cause i could really use a guy with muscle
43909	MEENAH: i dunno if you seen this skull dude but he is RIPP-ED
43910	HORUSS: 8=D < Oh no, that's far from my only preoccupation. I have also taken some time to perfect the art of humor.
43911	HORUSS: 8=D < Would you like to hear a joke?
43912	MEENAH: oh noes...
43913	HORUSS: 8=D < A horse trots into a thirst shanty. His muscular shoulders slouched, his noble head hanging low.
43914	HORUSS: 8=D < The dairyjerk observes that the great beast is clearly despondent, and asks:
43915	HORUSS: 8=========D < Why the long face?
43916	MEENAH: euurergh
43917	MEENAH: zahhak god damn it i am royally orderin you to stop doing that face forever
43918	HORUSS: 8=o < At once, my lady.
43919	HORUSS: 8o < My formerly perky visage withdraws, while my fully erect posture shrivels at your regal disapproval.
43920	HORUSS: (ಠ益ಠ;) < I shall henceforth emote in my customary manner, as such.
43921	MEENAH: respect
43922	HORUSS: ᕦ(ò д óˇ)ᕤ < Bring me a horse, and I am yours forever.
43923	You got some more BOONDOLLARS!
43924	A little while ago you would have been pumped to score this dough, but now this is just pocket change to you.
43925	You sneer with contempt at the pitiable sum of money and let it slip through your fingers to the forest below. Let the beggars and peasants scrounge for it, you say.
43926	This bubble contains Damara's memory of a huge quartz obstacle. Only she can remove it. Stinkin' witch. She never makes it easy, does she?
43927	Click the MAP link below the game for HOT TIPS!!!
43928	MEENAH: sooooo
43929	MEENAH: megido
43930	MEENAH: here we are again
43931	MEENAH: i guess
43932	DAMARA:
43933	MEENAH: please tell me this reunion is as awkward for you as it is for me
43934	DAMARA:
43935	MEENAH: not gonna say nofin huh
43936	MEENAH: just going to stand there and leave me wrigglin on the hook during this frosty silence
43937	MEENAH: come on you nutty bitch at least do SOM-EFIN to break the ice
43938	DAMARA:
43939	MEENAH: T)(ANK you
43940	MEENAH: hey you didnt by any chance kidnap nitrams lusus did you
43941	MEENAH: or steal all his dorky fiduspawn loot
43942	MEENAH: i thought we were past this
43943	MEENAH: dont tell me youre still tormenting the guy even after eternity
43944	DAMARA: あなたのデュアルフォークを取る。二回自分自身をファック。
43945	MEENAH: do what to myself twice with my double W)(AT exactly??
43946	MEENAH: cod damn your weird accent is thick as ever
43947	DAMARA: あなたに性的快感を与えるために十分な厚さではない。
43948	DAMARA: あなたはあなたの言葉で私を退屈続けるのだろうか？または。あなたは私の服を脱ぐのだろうか？
43949	DAMARA: 私はあなたの歯の間に私の乳首を感じるようにしたい。
43950	MEENAH: wha
43951	MEENAH: did you just tell me to bite something or
43952	MEENAH: screw it i give up
43953	MEENAH: language barrier be a fuckin motherglubber
43954	DAMARA:
43955	MEENAH: hey so guess what! im building an army to kill lord ahahahaha
43956	MEENAH: S)(-ELL O)( S)(-ELL
43957	MEENAH: like you could give a fuck about saving reality and or wouldnt just be a huge backstabbin liability out there
43958	DAMARA: 十分に公平。
43959	MEENAH: but just for shits an cuttles uh
43960	MEENAH: been sorta wondering
43961	MEENAH: back when we like
43962	MEENAH: kind of ruined each others shit
43963	MEENAH: because of that whole cycle of revenge deal
43964	MEENAH: and i ended up dyin and god tiering and all
43965	MEENAH: remember that
43966	DAMARA: 私が覚えている。
43967	DAMARA: 時々私は、そのメモリに自慰行為。
43968	MEENAH: aight not sure i followed that but ill assume it was more weird skanky sass
43969	MEENAH: but what i want to know is
43970	MEENAH: after the fight
43971	MEENAH: did i hurt you bad enough that you maybe
43972	MEENAH: crawled off and died somewhere
43973	MEENAH: like in a quest cocoon
43974	DAMARA: ...
43975	MEENAH: were you maybe all bloodied up from all those forkins
43976	MEENAH: and then maybe along comes a friend with a maddening inability to hold a grudge against you for the ways you fucked him over
43977	MEENAH: maybe trotting along in his new robo horse body and swooped your bloody torso up on his back
43978	MEENAH: galloped off to your cocoon and draped you on the slab while probly not havin the nerve to finish you off
43979	MEENAH: this ringin any bells
43980	DAMARA: 性交あなたは何を話している？白痴雌犬。
43981	MEENAH: IM AXING IF YOU AR-E A GOD TI-ER YOU INSCRUTABL-E FIS)(WIF-E
43982	MEENAH: holy mackerel gettin info outta yous like prying a pearl from a slutty murderous clam
43983	DAMARA: ハマグリは、真珠を生成しません。あなたは海の何も知らない。
43984	MEENAH: yeah i know clams dont make pearls!!! look i just misspoke it was a hasty burn ok
43985	MEENAH: dont be calling out my authority on the ocean dmeg you know i got all watery junk on LOCK
43986	MEENAH: who you think you tryin to rile up with that amateur noise
43987	DAMARA: あなたは非常に怒っているように見える。性交をチルアウト。のはお互いに触れてみましょう。私と一緒に投石入手してください。
43988	MEENAH: omg i cant understand you
43989	MEENAH: chill out and do W)(AT with you...
43990	MEENAH: going to ask again as simple as i can
43991	MEENAH: M-EGIDO AR-E YOU A MAGIC IMMORTAL TIM-E FAIRYWITC)( WIT)( S-ECR-ET BUTT-ERFLY WINGS: Y-ES OR NO
43992	DAMARA: 正確にどのくらいの。あなたは知りたいですか？水のビッチ。
43993	MEENAH: damara
43994	MEENAH: if horrible conversations was a video game you would truly be last boss
43995	MEENAH: now where the fucks aranea and her lil windbag stand lets just get this jam over with already
43996	DAMARA: あなたは私になりたいですか？
43997	DAMARA: あなたは私にはできません。あなたは私を理解できない場合。
43998	DAMARA: さらに。あなたは私にはできません。あなたは私を性交することができない場合。
43999	MEENAH: ummm yeah no idea what you said
44000	MEENAH: guess someone who speaks your gibberish needs to ask
44001	What's that sound? You listen closely to the chest. You hear something flapping around in there. This thing looks air tight. Whatever's in there might run out of ghost oxygen soon.
44002	Alas, this chest appears to have an extremely complicated lock. There's no way you can open it. You'll need to find someone who's handy with gadgets.
44003	You got some FIDUSPAWN EGGS!!!
44004	You can go use one of these on the HOST PLUSH back there! It honestly sounds like a childish waste of time, but little do you know that Fiduspawn's key demographic is your age group. You are the suckerfish. It's you.
44005	Blech. What a disgusting, friendly mess. His sacrifice was not in vain though. He was brutally murdered from within, so that a new friend could be born.
44006	What an utterly magnificent specimen. But if you train HORSAPONI hard enough, one day he may become HORSARONI. By which I mean, he will grow slightly bigger, and gain no measurable advantages in combat. You will however be required to feed him more.
44007	HORUSS: 8=D < You did it! You brought me a fine, young stallion!
44008	HORUSS: 8=D < What a beautiful gesture of friendship. I am so f*dging happy, you have no idea.
44009	HORUSS: （;≧皿≦） < Wh**ps, so happy, I have become loose with foul language, and forgot I wasn't supposed to make that face anymore.
44010	HORUSS: (;¬д¬) < You are of course free to be me whenever you wish, my lady.
44011	Be Horuss?
44012	Dear, sweet, beautiful, dear, precious, sweet, sweet, dear, sweet HORSEAPONI.
44013	MEENAH: hozak
44014	MEENAH: serious question
44015	HORUSS: (ノಠ益ಠ)ノ < Yes, my peerless, e%alted Eminency?
44016	MEENAH: when did you decide you were a horse
44017	KANKRI: *PHWEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!!!*
44018	KANKRI: H9ld up there, Meenah. The questi9n y9u just asked was in fact a severe micr9aggressi9n against th9se wh9 are stricken with deeply plightened feelings 9f species dysph9ria. Y9ur questi9n was inn9cent en9ugh, s9 I'm n9t a69ut t9 g9 d9wn the peril9us r9ad 9f trigger shaming, 6ut Meenah, my g99dness, what y9u just said was catastr9phically triggering. P99r H9russ here will likely feel triggered f9r weeks 6ecause 9f y9ur th9ughtless questi9n. Hell, even I'm feeling a little triggered 6y it, and I'm n9t even under the impressi9n I'm a h9rse. I think every9ne within earsh9t was triggered 6y that. Y9u feel triggered, right H9russ?
44019	HORUSS: (ｏ皿ｏ;) < Trigger sounds like a wonderful name for a hoofbeast.
44020	KANKRI: See? T9tally triggered. N9w let's let the healing 6egin.
44021	MEENAH: 38(
44022	KANKRI: Meenah, his 6elief that he is actually a majestic h99f6east is n9t characterized 6y ch9ice. In fact, it is n9t even a 6elief. It is a FACT, which we must strive t9 respect as FACTUAL, in n9 small part due t9 his hyperimp9rtant feelings a69ut it. Tail9ring factual reality ar9und pe9ple's critical feelings is a c9rnerst9ne 9f Pr96lematics, and failure t9 d9 s9 can 9nly result in the release 9f devastating payl9ads 9f c9rrecti9nal w9rds depl9yed t9 educate, heal, and rhet9rically 9verwhelm.
44023	KANKRI: When y9u asked "when did y9u decide y9u were a h9rse," y9u implied that he made a ch9ice t9 craft this feature 9f his identity, as 9pp9sed t9 listening carefully t9 the fauna within, heeding the call 9f the l9ng, gh9stly sn9ut his 69dy has tragically denied him, whilst feeling the su6tle tingling 9f his phant9m h9rsey p9steri9r.
44024	HORUSS: 8=D < So true, friend. Your wisdom truly transcends your degenerate, mildly nauseating mutant b100d.
44025	KANKRI: Thank y9u. N9w, y9u kn9w h9w I hate t9 derail c9nversati9ns, 6ut I think this 9ccasi9n calls f9r a th9r9ugh, unrelenting educati9n 9n the t9pic. And n9w I shall 6egin my crushing harangue 9n this delicate su6ject, as thusly:
44026	KANKRI: 6lah 6lah
44027	HORUSS: Omg yes
44028	MEENAH: sneak away
44029	You got a PRICELESS WORK OF FINE ART!!!
44030	You spend a few moments solemnly contemplating the artistic merits of the splendid classical sculpture.
44031	Wait, no...
44032	Hang on, don't move. The pixelation is missing its mark...
44033	Damn it! Still not quite right... ok, hold your horses.
44034	Perfect! Whew, crisis averted. That was a close call.
44035	You very nearly caught a glimpse of a horse penis and began to cry.
44036	HORUSS: 8=D < Oh, hello Damara. I heard you were having a mechanical issue with your chest over here. Mind if I take a 100k?
44037	DAMARA: あなたは私の胸をいつでも表示することができます。
44038	HORUSS: 8=D < I... think you said yes? Sorry, I really struggle with your coarse lowb100d accent.
44039	DAMARA: 私のおっぱいの上にミルクを注いでください。
44040	HORUSS: 8=D < I didn't quite understand that either. Something about milk? Served to you in a particular way?
44041	HORUSS: 8=D < Yes, if you would like some milk, I can bring you some later. I'll just need to equip my steam powered deSTRENGTHening gloves so that I may hand you the glass without shattering it.
44042	DAMARA: ない。手袋を着用しないでください。私はそれがラフ好きです。私の体を押しつぶす。馬男。
44043	HORUSS: 8=D < I really need to finish my universal translation device so we can have a more coherent conversation. It's just so difficult to get the circuitry to function correctly when one insists on relying on steam power.
44044	DAMARA: あなたは、幽霊のような私の性器が性的クライマックスを持っていることを確認してください。あなたの幻の馬のペニスでそれを行う必要があります。
44045	HORUSS: 8=D < You want me to bring your what to what e%actly with my what?
44046	DAMARA: 私の裸の底にあなたの汗まみれの顔をこする。
44047	HORUSS: 8=D < Hmm. I...
44048	HORUSS: 8=D < Sure?
44049	DAMARA: 私はあなたのアジアの女子高生です。ズタズタに私の服を減らすことができます。あなたは私を喜ばせる必要があります。あなたのホーンを使用してください。
44050	HORUSS: 8=D < Do what with your schoolgirl uniform?
44051	HORUSS: 8=D < I wouldn't want to do anything to ruin it. It's quite nice.
44052	HORUSS: 8=D < But perhaps I could craft a robotic avatar for you, emulating your fashion choices. Actually, if I did that, I could install more sensible speech algorithms, so that I could understand you for a change.
44053	DAMARA: 静かにしています。黙って私をファック。
44054	HORUSS: 8=D < Um. *Cough.*
44055	DAMARA: 私の体内に入る。または。私はあなたを破壊するだろう。
44056	HORUSS: 8=D < Damara, forgive me if I'm leaping to conclusions, but has the nature of your cryptic remarks been leaning... well...
44057	HORUSS: 8=D < A little b100?
44058	DAMARA:
44059	DAMARA: あなたは私になりたいですか？
44060	DAMARA: あなたは私にはできません。あなたは私を理解できない場合。
44061	DAMARA: さらに。あなたは私にはできません。あなたは私を性交することができない場合。
44062	HORUSS: 8=D < Come again?
44063	HORUSS: 8=D < I suppose Rufioh should ask. He's always been the only one who can parse your vulgar, peasant tongue.
44064	You got RUFIOH'S LUSUS!!!
44065	The poor little guy is gasping for breath. Who could have locked him in here? Who could be so cruel?
44066	You glance at Damara suspiciously. She doesn't bother to look at you, and takes another drag.
44067	RUFIOH: hey man. oh, heh... st1ll mak1ng that face 1 see...
44068	HORUSS: 8=D < Yes, I really enjoy making this face. It really helps remind me through persistent facial discomfort that appearing to be happy should always be one's top priority.
44069	HORUSS: 8=O < Why? You don't find it displeasing, do you?
44070	RUFIOH: um... no... 1t's uh... yeah, 1t's alr1ght horuss. the look 1s really, uh... someth1ng else. wow.
44071	HORUSS: 8=D < Really, I could stop making the face. Meenah recently ordered me to stop making it in her presence, and I of course instantly complied. I would just as readily do the same for someone as important to me as you.
44072	RUFIOH: err... haha. that's cool... but yeah, that's f1ne. really 1 can d1g the look, 1 guess. just do whatever you're feel1ng w1th 1t...
44073	HORUSS: 8=D < Rufioh, your affable malleability continues to be your finest quality. It is the jewel in your mohawk. A true diamond in the Ruf. You always were the ideal embodiment of your aspect, as pleasantly wayward and fickle as The Breeze itself.
44074	RUFIOH: yeah... uh... thanks. 1 should probably try to work on that though...
44075	HORUSS: 8=D < Of course. We always strive to hone our craft, ever pounding at the iron to make the shoe a perfect shape. I know well how much work it takes.
44076	RUFIOH: no, 1 d1dn't mean, l1ke... be MORE l1ke that... 1 mean... uh, sorry to 1nterrupt... go ahead?
44077	HORUSS: 8=D < My path was similarly governed by my aspect. For the longest time, I felt as if I was a blank sheet of paper. Like I had to make myself out of nothing.
44078	HORUSS: 8=D < And so I began to listen closely to the void within myself and corral the various personal attributes I herd calling to me.
44079	HORUSS: 8=D < Much like assembling a comple% machine, I began to piece together a STRONG identity, which of course included discovering a passion for mechani% itself.
44080	HORUSS: 8=D < And needless to say, what also galloped out of the void in my soul was the realization that I am obviously a noble hoofbeast, though my physical appearance cruelly betrays this fact.
44081	RUFIOH: hey, uh... horuss... 1 th1nk...
44082	RUFIOH: we need to talk.
44083	RUFIOH: 1 mean, when you get a m1nute...
44084	HORUSS: 8=D < And in following sweeps I would keep turning my mechanically augmented, acute equine ear back to the abyss within, and continue to discover more about myself. I would learn that I was more complicated than I ever imagined. More complicated than any mortal mind could understand a person to be.
44085	HORUSS: 8=D < Knowing myself to be hoofbeastkin was only grazing the surface of the pasture. Merely skimming the cream from the top of the milk. I was so much more.
44086	RUFIOH: 1 th1nk maybe we should l1ke...
44087	RUFIOH: uh... see other...
44088	HORUSS: 8=D < It turns out my body was merely the host to a highly intricate system of entities of any sort you could name, biological or mechanical, sentient or nonsentient, physical or metaphysical. My inner field of e%perience is shared by the souls of ancient legendary musclebeasts, a range of devices such as hivehold appliances, a number of cosmological features such as planets, star systems, even several universes, and a variety of abstract concepts which sentient beings have not yet formed the language to e%press.
44089	RUFIOH: l1ke... don't get me wrong... we had some good t1mes together... 1t's been great really...
44090	RUFIOH: but maybe 1t's t1me to uh... 1 dunno.
44091	HORUSS: 8=D < But as much as I learned about myself, I could never find a way to become whole.
44092	HORUSS: 8=D < The void was never filled until you came along, Rufioh.
44093	RUFIOH: wow man. that's...
44094	RUFIOH: wow.
44095	HORUSS: 8=D < If there is any lesson I would like people to take from my story, it is a lesson that is a multiple system consisting of two distinct lessons.
44096	HORUSS: 8=D < The first is how love heals all wounds, even ones consisting of the infinite essence of void permeating your entire e%istence and role as a legendary hero.
44097	HORUSS: 8=D < The second is how if you are faced with any crisis of identity whatsoever, it's really important to do your best to manufacture esoteric features of your personality and believe in them very STRONGLY and tell people about those things as frequently as possible.
44098	HORUSS: 8=D < I can assure you right now, the labor involved in smithing my personality into one that is interesting and complicated was rather intensive.
44099	HORUSS: 8=D~~ < I really worked up a good sweat in the process.
44100	HORUSS: 8=D~~~~ < (That is the sweat dripping from my face.)
44101	RUFIOH: hey... yo... that...
44102	RUFIOH: that's some freaky sh*t dog!
44103	HORUSS: 8=D < Anyway, I apologize for talking so much. You know how you have a way of drawing the breath out of people.
44104	HORUSS: 8=D < What were you trying to tell me?
44105	RUFIOH: oh... yeah.
44106	RUFIOH: uh...
44107	RUFIOH: never m1nd.
44108	RUFIOH: oh SH*T! you found h1m... thank you so much!!!
44109	RUFIOH: 1 was so worr1ed... but now he's back, and so are my happy thoughts.
44110	RUFIOH: got all k1nds of conf1dence now... heh, you wanna be me? my self esteem can totally accommodate that yo!!!
44111	Be Rufioh?
44112	RUFIOH: yo yo, horuss my gangsta, how you feel?
44113	RUFIOH: can 1 get a way gentle f1st bump from my boy? heh, yeah... just l1ke that... f*ck yes.
44114	RUFIOH: anyway 1've been mean1ng to talk to you about someth1ng... someth1ng uh... pretty 1mportant.
44115	RUFIOH: about us and the future and all that... you got a m1nute?
44116	RUFIOH: ok, cool. so... d*mn... where do 1 even start...
44117	RUFIOH: you know we've had noth1ng but good t1mes together... 1t's been the bomb.
44118	RUFIOH: well, maybe not everyth1ng... sh*t got d1cey at the start... w1th my crazy ex and... yeah. that's not the po1nt.
44119	RUFIOH: remember the way you used to be... before you all started be1ng 1nterested 1n me... man you thought 1 sucked! haha, just another lowblood not worth your t1me.
44120	RUFIOH: you were so p1ssed at people l1ke me and damara... so angry, damn. sh*t was scary... and damara... she used to be n1ce as can be... dunno what happened there. talk about a personal1ty sw1tch... for both of ya...
44121	RUFIOH: but then for whatever reason... 1 guess you wanted to reach out to me? 1 mean... 1n secret, 1 know. you d1dn't want to be all shamed out of your h1ghbrow CIP club, 1 could always d1g that. 1 understood, you know?
44122	RUFIOH: so you came to my woods... never told anybody... we hung out. that meant a lot to me. 1 want you to know that.
44123	RUFIOH: people always had crazy 1deas about me. l1ke 1 was th1s brave adventure guy all up 1n th1s forest be1ng a bad*ss and sh*t. people l1ke... they always wanted to be w1th me, or... maybe even wanted to BE me? 1t was all k1nd of whack... even damara when we were go1ng out d1dn't really get me, 1 th1nk... she put me on th1s pedestal, 1 mean, back before she snapped.
44124	RUFIOH: but you saw me for who 1 was. wh1ch was... not a perfect guy.
44125	RUFIOH: l1ke, 1 wasn't really sure about myself, and you saw that... so you actually helped me.
44126	RUFIOH: when we were 1n the woods together, you taught me to f1ght... taught me to fly... taught me to crow!
44127	RUFIOH: well, not l1terally. 1 mean... 1 knew how to do those th1ngs. 1 knew techn1cally how to flap my w1ngs and fly through the a1r. 1 knew how to say "bangarang" all loud 1f 1 really wanted to... but that was the th1ng. 1 was scared! 1 was scared of fly1ng and fall1ng... 1 was scared of f1ght1ng and fa1l1ng... and 1 was scared of crow1ng and... sound1ng l1ke a f***1ng 1d1ot 1 guess! lol...
44128	RUFIOH: but you helped me not be so scared, or self consc1ous maybe... you just helped me be myself. l1ke... to just be ok w1th not be1ng perfect, or l1v1ng up to whatever people th1nk 1 should be.
44129	RUFIOH: maybe 1t's just nostalg1a... there was someth1ng better about those t1mes... just you and me ch1ll1ng 1n the woods. but then we entered the game.
44130	RUFIOH: and for some reason... st1ll don't know why... damara just started go1ng a l1ttle more nuts every day... gett1ng more and more jealous when she knew we were hang1ng out...
44131	RUFIOH: then she found out 1t was more than just hang1ng out... and 1 guess the rest was h1story.
44132	RUFIOH: and yada yada... then we all d1ed... and we been together ever s1nce. all th1s t1me as ghosts...
44133	RUFIOH: wh1ch 1s... a long t1me, you know?
44134	RUFIOH: and 1'll always be grateful for what we had together... but... 1 guess people change.
44135	RUFIOH: even as ghosts, they change, 1f you g1ve em long enough... they start want1ng d1fferent th1ngs...
44136	RUFIOH: aw man! 1'm go1ng about th1s all wrong... say1ng way too much, but not what 1 want to say... sh*t, haha.
44137	RUFIOH: 1 should just use the bravery you helped me understand 1 always had, and just say 1t...
44138	RUFIOH: 1 th1nk we should break up.
44139	RUFIOH: ...
44140	RUFIOH: uh...
44141	RUFIOH: you ok, bro?
44142	HORUSS: 8=D < Oh! I'm sorry, what did you say?
44143	HORUSS: 8=D < My ear valves filled up with sweat, and I didn't catch most of that.
44144	RUFIOH: ...
44145	HORUSS: 8=D < Hey, why don't we participate in an enjoyable activity together later, as romantic afterlife partners? We could play one of those foreign card games you seem to like. What's that one called again? Fiddlespoon?
44146	RUFIOH: um. yeah... we can do that... 1 guess. that sounds... uh... dope.
44147	HORUSS: 8=D < I know I'm not the best partner to share your e%otic and somewhat childish interests with, but I do my best to try to understand them and enjoy them with you. The most important thing is that we spend time together, and maintain a STRONG relationship.
44148	RUFIOH: ...
44149	RUFIOH: bangarang.
44150	RUFIOH: d*mn... thank god 1 got my lusus back... dunno what 1'd do w1thout the l1ttle guy!
44151	MEENAH: is he even uh
44152	MEENAH: "reel
44153	MEENAH: ya know
44154	MEENAH: like the ghost of your actual lusus or
44155	RUFIOH: er... know what? not sure, doll!
44156	RUFIOH: he could just be a memory f1gment or someth1ng l1ke that. or maybe he's really h1s ghost...
44157	RUFIOH: when damara acc1dentally dropped a hunger trunk on h1m way back... crushed h1s l1ttle body... 1 always dreamed 1 m1ght meet up w1th h1m aga1n 1n the afterl1fe.
44158	RUFIOH: so when 1 found h1m here... guess 1 d1dn't th1nk about 1t much? 1 was just happy to see h1m.
44159	RUFIOH: he 1s my happy thought after all. 1 can't really br1ng myself to do much w1thout h1m... l1ke fly... f1ght... crow...
44160	MEENAH: truth
44161	RUFIOH: 1 remember when 1 was young... just a l1ttle runt out there try1ng to make 1t 1n the world... people would look at me funny cause my w1ngs were grow1ng 1n, and that really freaked people out yo!
44162	RUFIOH: so 1 got way self consc1ous and d1dn't feel at home out there... w1th everybody eye1ng me up l1ke that...
44163	RUFIOH: so one n1ght my lusus led me 1nto the woods...
44164	RUFIOH: and 1 found th1s whole baller v1llage of f***ck1n tree houses and rope ladders and 1 was l1ke D*MN!
44165	RUFIOH: that's when 1 became an off1c1al member of the lost weeaboos.
44166	MEENAH: hey ok so...
44167	MEENAH: can we not actually talk about the lost weeaboos
44168	MEENAH: can that just be not a conversation we have
44169	RUFIOH: uh...
44170	MEENAH: ruf listen your storys cool but theres some junk thats just so silly i cant even try to abide
44171	RUFIOH: yeah 1 guess... heh.
44172	RUFIOH: but anyway, they were my boys... a better posse you couldn't hope to ch1ll w1th, k1ck the sh*t on troll an1me... all that.
44173	MEENAH: aw fer glub sake
44174	RUFIOH: f1rst bumped 1nto damara out there... crazy t1mes!
44175	RUFIOH: 1 th1nk those were format1ve sweeps for me... learned to love a lotta th1ngs 1 st1ll do to th1s day.
44176	RUFIOH: between you and me... 1 m1ss the days 1 could just jam w1th her about troll an1me... but now... you know how 1t 1s...
44177	MEENAH: ok why do you stinkin nerds insist on calling it troll anime
44178	MEENAH: i gotta ask
44179	MEENAH: dont you realize prefacing anything with 'troll' inside the context a troll culture is redundant as fuck
44180	MEENAH: why dont you just call them cartoons
44181	RUFIOH: yeah... 1 d1g that. never thought about that... huh.
44182	RUFIOH: 1t's ok, 1 get that the stuff 1 l1ke 1sn't for everyone.
44183	RUFIOH: people say 1t's just for w1gglers... and 1 k1nd of assumed one day 1'd grow out of 1t, but guess 1 never d1d?
44184	RUFIOH: then aga1n... we all d1ed... and now we really are all young forever...
44185	RUFIOH: just l1ke the prophecy of the lost weeaboos sa1d...
44186	RUFIOH: whoa spooky... 1 always thought that was a load of bs!!!
44187	MEENAH: whoops you just said lost weeaboos again thus failing the conversation
44188	MEENAH: in the immortal hand gestured words of the late great meulin leijon:
44189	MEENAH: IM SO DON-E
44190	RUFIOH: hey doll... don't suppose you had anyth1ng to do w1th the recent d1sappearance of my lusus, d1d you?
44191	DAMARA: もちろんそんなことはない。あなたの告発は言語道断。
44192	RUFIOH: yeah... sure... l1ke 1 bel1eve that!
44193	RUFIOH: l1ke 1'm not so on to your tr1cks by now...
44194	DAMARA: 黙れ。そう。あなたはまだ彼と別れたのですか？
44195	RUFIOH: no... not yet...
44196	RUFIOH: 1 tr1ed... but 1 just couldn't do 1t... 1t's hard, you know?
44197	DAMARA: あなたは、どういう意味ですか。それは恋人があなたを裏切ったときに感じる？はい、私は知っている。
44198	RUFIOH: d*mn... so cold, g1rl. why can't you let the past go?
44199	RUFIOH: anyway... once 1 actually do get up the nerve to break 1t to h1m... don't be th1nk1ng th1s 1s your b1g chance w1th me!
44200	RUFIOH: 1t's over between us for good... k1nda for obv1ous reasons... so just fr1ends, you d1g?
44201	DAMARA: 右。我々が表示されます。
44202	RUFIOH: haha... yeah, 1 f1gured you'd be l1ke that.
44203	RUFIOH: anyway, meenah k1nd of needs to keep go1ng through th1s bubble... 1 know you l1ke to make sh*t d1ff1cult for everyone all the t1me, but...
44204	RUFIOH: you th1nk you could get r1d of that b1g *ss 1ceberg th1ng you dropped there?
44205	DAMARA: いいえクソ方法。
44206	RUFIOH: aw, come on... do 1t for me, damara?
44207	DAMARA:罰金。しかし、あなたは私に借りがある。性的な接待。
44208	RUFIOH: hahahaha... wow... alr1ght uh... maybe? just go...
44209	Wait... there's something different about this door. You think it might be a real door! It's not someone's memory, like the rest of this place is.
44210	The meteor must be physically passing through the dream bubble again. You'd love to get in here and snoop around somehow, but the door is password protected. There's got to be someone around here who knows the password...
44211	PORRIM: Damara, do+ yo+u mind? We're having a private co+nversatio+n here.
44212	DAMARA:
44213	PORRIM: Please. Leave us alo+ne. We'll talk later, o+k?
44214	KANAYA: ...
44215	KANAYA: (shes making me slightly uncomfortable)
44216	PORRIM: (that's her specialty. just igno+re her until she go+es away.)
44217	RUFIOH: gotta be honest damara... 1 been feel1ng pretty bad...
44218	DAMARA: なぜですか？
44219	RUFIOH: um... you can keep a secret, r1ght?
44220	DAMARA: はい、もちろん。私はあなたの友達です。
44221	RUFIOH: yeah...
44222	RUFIOH: 1t's horuss... and you know... been th1nk1ng about break1ng 1t off w1th h1m...
44223	DAMARA: 何を壊す？彼のホーン？
44224	RUFIOH: hahaha! naw... that wouldn't do much good...
44225	RUFIOH: 1 mean... 1 feel l1ke a chump for even th1nk1ng about 1t... he's been so cool...
44226	RUFIOH: but d*mn! etern1ty 1s a long f***1ng t1me!!! 1 dunno 1f a relat1onsh1p should really last that long...
44227	DAMARA: あなたのセックスライフはどうですか？
44228	RUFIOH: whoa, uh... k1nda personal quest1on? anyway that's not 1t...
44229	RUFIOH: 1 feel gu1lty for say1ng so... 1'm just not 1nto 1t... so many repet1t1ve dates over the m1llen1a... so much l1ke... talk1ng about l1vestock and b1g muscular an1mals and... 1 dunno. those aren't really my 1nterests...
44230	RUFIOH: maybe we were never that compat1ble and 1 just never had the guts to say so?
44231	DAMARA: RUFIOH。私はあなたにこのことを告げた。毎日。永遠に。
44232	RUFIOH: 1 know, 1 know... 1 d1dn't l1sten to you... 1 f1gured you were st1ll all mad and jealous!!!
44233	DAMARA: 私は怒って嫉妬した。
44234	RUFIOH: r1ght... 1 just don't know what to do.
44235	RUFIOH: he's great... but he's so cl1ngy! 1 don't know how he keeps that up after all th1s t1me... dude's got stam1na... 1'm just l1ke... romant1cally exhausted. you get me, doll?
44236	DAMARA: はい。愛が私には死んでいる。ので、誰かがずっと前に、心臓を介して私を刺した。
44237	RUFIOH: heh, touche.
44238	RUFIOH: but for real... 1 just don't want to hurt h1s feel1ngs...
44239	DAMARA: あなたは私が彼を殺したいですか？再び？
44240	RUFIOH: no!!! god, no... don't hurt anyone... let's not go there aga1n!
44241	DAMARA: 私が彼を誘惑したいですか？
44242	RUFIOH: er... 1 guess 1f the two of you are l1ke... um. that's really between you and h1m? not sure he would go for that... anyway, 1 don't th1nk that would actually help me...
44243	DAMARA: 私は彼の魂を消費するために悪魔をもたらすでしょう。
44244	RUFIOH: man, no! 1 told you, please don't feed anyone's soul to ANYBODY!!!
44245	RUFIOH: you've got to keep crazy talk l1ke that down, damara!
44246	RUFIOH: 1f people knew some of the sh*t you sa1d... how you say crazy sh*t l1ke you want to serve h1m... f***!
44247	RUFIOH: 1t wouldn't be cool... people would fl1p...
44248	RUFIOH: h*ll, d1dn't you hear meenah was try1ng to ra1se an army to k1ll h1m?
44249	RUFIOH: 1f she could hear some of the th1ngs you told me... sh*t... 1 can't ever let her f1nd out...
44250	RUFIOH: 1f she knew, you'd both start f1ght1ng aga1n...
44251	DAMARA: あなたは必然だけを遅らせる。
44252	DAMARA: 私たちの終了時間が近いです。
44253	DAMARA: これ以上のゲームはありません。馬男。今私をファック。
44254	HORUSS: 8=D < E%cuse me?
44255	DAMARA: HORSEAPONIまたがっ私を曲げる。あなたは私がハードファック。HORSEYスタイル。
44256	HORUSS: 8=D < Oh! I see you've taken an interest in this fine, albeit diminutive steed given to me as a gift earlier.
44257	HORUSS: 8=D < Isn't it wonderful? I shall feed it many an apple and it will grow to be STRONG.
44258	DAMARA: 私にリンゴを養う。その後、私の髪をつかむ。あなたはチャンピオンのように私に乗るだろう。
44259	HORUSS: 8=D < I don't... do what with your horns? Ride what, now?
44260	DAMARA: のバケツを埋めることができます。その後、内容がスプラッシュ。私の体の上にすべての。次に干し草の山に私を投げる。
44261	HORUSS: 8=D < You want me to... something about... hay? Hm.
44262	DAMARA: 私はあなたのホーンを吸うことができます。同時に、あなたは私のお尻を平手打ち。リズミカルにそれを行う。また。いななく。
44263	HORUSS: 8=D < You would like me to perform... what rhythmic behavior, e%actly? While making which animal noise?
44264	DAMARA: 私のすべての反復をファック。性的エクスタシーを体験する私たちのすべてを引き起こす。私たちは一斉にオーガズムましょう。
44265	HORUSS: 8=D < Do what with... wait... all of you? Wouldn't that be quite a lot of Damaras, regardless of the activity you are trying to describe?
44266	DAMARA: 清潔なタオルで私を包んでください。私は農場の動物のようにうめき声をしなければならない。
44267	DAMARA: 私の足の間に腹立たしそうに鼻を鳴らす。私は殺された子羊のように悲鳴を上げるでしょう。
44268	DAMARA: 私たちは一緒に私たちのお尻を持ってみましょう。共通のオーガズムに参加。すべての終わりでは、私たちを取り囲んでいる。
44269	HORUSS: 8=D < Trying to decode your speech is quite agitating, you know.
44270	HORUSS: 8=D < Whenever I talk to you, my system gets a little switchy.
44271	HORUSS: 8=D < I begin to faintly channel an ancient soul from Alterniasia, and I come very close to understanding you. But then it vanishes just as quickly, and my host vessel is left with nothing but an overwhelming e%perience of perspiration.
44272	HORUSS: 8=D < Not that I would e%pect a lowly rust b100ded singleton like you to understand.
44273	DAMARA: もっと私を低下させる。私はほとんどそこにいる。
44274	DAMARA: フリーク。
44275	LATULA: h3y d4mz!!!!
44276	LATULA: 1f you go 4nywh3r3 n34r h1m, 1 w1ll fuck1ng k1ll you!
44277	DAMARA: あなたは時間の領主に挑戦します。
44278	DAMARA: あなたの哀れな軍隊は失敗しなければならない。
44279	DAMARA: 彼はあなたの幽霊を食べるようになる。彼は現実そのものを消費するからである。
44280	MEENAH: i think...
44281	MEENAH: it sounded like...
44282	MEENAH: youre tryin to wish me luck in my upcoming battle?
44283	MEENAH: hey thanks megido
44284	MEENAH: maybe i had you all wrong
44285	DAMARA: ない。あなたはそうしなかった。
44286	MEENAH: aw ive probably been a bitch to you for no reason
44287	MEENAH: lets forget all that shit ever happened
44288	MEENAH: hey how about a hug
44289	MEENAH: whoa watch where youre puttin that hand!!!
44290	DAMARA: 私は何も後悔はありません。
44291	MEENAH: apology accepted
44292	MEENAH: hey you get around to moving that huge quartz glacier yet
44293	MEENAH: kind of in a hurry here
44294	You got an EAST BEFORAN SCROLL!
44295	It is covered in mysterious runes. If only there were some way for laypersons to translate this absurd gibberish.
44296	PORRIM: Ah, seems we have co+mpany. Guess we sho+uld wrap this up!
44297	PORRIM: I'm very happy yo+u came to+ see me. I ho+pe yo+u'll bear in mind what I said.
44298	KANAYA: Yes I Surely Will
44299	KANAYA: And Im Happy Too
44300	KANAYA: About
44301	KANAYA: Yes
44302	PORRIM: Yo+u have impo+rtant wo+rk ahead o+f yo+u. The legacy o+f o+ur race is in yo+ur hands.
44303	PORRIM: I kno+w yo+u will make me pro+ud.
44304	KANAYA: Okay Thank You
44305	MEENAH: aw snapperfish its popo merrygams and maryam lookalike kid
44306	MEENAH: water you ladies glubbin about over here
44307	KANAYA: Nothing I Was Just Leaving
44308	MEENAH: oh yeah where to
44309	MEENAH: back into your meteor right cause thats where im headed
44310	MEENAH: cant get through the door tho
44311	MEENAH: can i get your password
44312	KANAYA: Pardon Me
44313	KANAYA: No
44314	MEENAH: come on
44315	PORRIM: Meenah, what are yo+u do+ing? Do+n't hassle her fo+r private info+rmatio+n. It's rude.
44316	MEENAH: COM-E OOOOON
44317	MEENAH: im being nice about it
44318	KANAYA: Are You Actually
44319	MEENAH: im fuckin smiling aint i???
44320	KANAYA: Well I Was Going In There Anyway
44321	KANAYA: I Wont Give You My Password But You Can Follow Me I Guess
44322	KANAYA: But You Can Only Remain As Long As Im Escorting You
44323	MEENAH: da fuck
44324	MEENAH: why
44325	KANAYA: Because I Dont Trust You
44326	MEENAH: aw man
44327	MEENAH: but im cool
44328	MEENAH: you should wise the fuck up and start thinking im cool
44329	KANAYA: Youre Right With A Sales Pitch Like That I Would Have To Be An Imbecile Not To Crave Your Company
44330	MEENAH: what you got against me maryam clone
44331	KANAYA: I Think Youre Probably A Sociopath
44332	KANAYA: Ive Given Enough Of My Time To Such Characters In The Past
44333	MEENAH: you got me all wrong girl
44334	MEENAH: what i gotta do to make you my frond maryam the sequel
44335	KANAYA: My Name Is Kanaya!
44336	MEENAH: aight aight kanaya it is
44337	MEENAH: some day ill come up with a good fish pun way of saying that
44338	MEENAH: thats how you know our shit will be TIG)(T
44339	KANAYA:
44340	MEENAH: just lead the way ill be well behaved and win you over
44341	MEENAH: YOULL S-EA
44342	PORRIM: Let's stay in to+uch, Kanaya. Co+me lo+o+king fo+r me in yo+ur dreams any time yo+u like.
44343	PORRIM: And be sure no+t to+ let that o+ne to+o+ far o+ut o+f yo+ur sight.
44344	MEENAH: scrod dammit
44345	MEENAH: kids got no respect for royalty these days and i about haddock up to here
44346	PORRIM: Please. Yo+u aren't even mad. Yo+u just wanted an excuse to+ use mo+re fish puns.
44347	MEENAH: merrygams stop bein such an astute judge a character
44348	You got a CAN OF EARTH TAB!
44349	The mayor had a couple of these stowed in his rags for safe keeping. He has decided to store them in chests now, which unbeknownst to him are the opposite of safe keeping.
44350	You crack it open and chug it. You are overwhelmed by the intense rush of sugar. This high will surely last for hours.
44351	Calories: 0 Calories from Fat 0
44352	MEENAH: !!!!!
44353	Hey, it's your newly recruited Grand Threshecutioner! Looks like he hasn't woken up from the same nap he was having last time you talked to him. The guy must have been really tired.
44354	Why's he sleeping in this massive pile of horns? That can't be too comfortable. Maybe you should wake him up. Then as long as he's awake, might as well see if he's ready to pack his bags and head off to war.
44355	Hold on. Maryam is eying you suspiciously. She isn't on to your plan, is she? How could she know? This girl is really cramping your style. You'd try to shake her loose, but as a rainbow drinker she seems to have an absolutely insane fastness attribute.
44356	KANAYA: Whatever Youre Thinking Dont Even Try It
44357	MEENAH: what!!!
44358	MEENAH: wasnt thinkin nofin
44359	KANAYA: Lets Keep Moving
44360	You got a BOONBUCK!
44361	Ok, you can't even pretend to be excited about this. You get the feeling that whoever was stocking these chests just started running out of treasure assets.
44362	You put the phoned-in item back in the chest. But a little later, Meenah sneaks back over here, takes the boonbuck, and stashes it in her nautically themed, hot pink clam shell shaped purse, which we have never seen her rendered with, but is totally is something that exists in the most canonical way possible. There, now you know.
44363	EEEUUUGHH MORE TROLL BLOOD, WHY???
44364	As you prepare to lob it into the dark shaft below, you catch a whiff of it. Hold on... it smells... fruity?
44365	You guess it was a false alarm. This appears to be some form of delicious juice. Your bad.
44366	You got an EMPTY BOTTLE!
44367	You guess... you'll just kinda...
44368	Put it over there with the other bottles.
44369	You got a...
44370	Hey what even is this thing?
44371	Whatever it is, you got it.
44372	ROSE: What happened!
44373	KANAYA: What
44374	ROSE: You're not glowing anymore!
44375	KANAYA: Oh Right
44376	KANAYA: I Became So Absorbed In A Conversation With My Ancestor I Already Forgot She Taught Me How To
44377	KANAYA: Switch Off
44378	ROSE: Oh, so you did go talk to her?
44379	KANAYA: Yes
44380	ROSE: That's great! How did it go?
44381	KANAYA: Very Well
44382	KANAYA: She Is Very Nice And As A Person Is As Impressive As I Was Imagining Her To Be
44383	KANAYA: But Not Nearly As Intimidating Really
44384	ROSE: I knew you wouldn't regret it if you got up the nerve to talk to her.
44385	ROSE: What did she say, besides a few vampire-to-vampire skin-dimming pointers?
44386	KANAYA: Many Things
44387	KANAYA: Primarily Encouraging Me To Pursue My Prior Obligation To My People
44388	ROSE: Oh?
44389	KANAYA: She Said She Used To Eschew Her Role Rather Vehemently
44390	KANAYA: The Duties Of Our Caste Were Quite Limiting In Both Worlds It Seems
44391	KANAYA: So She Renounced Them Completely And Wanted A Different Life
44392	KANAYA: But She Also Said Something To The Effect That
44393	KANAYA: She Found That It Wasnt Really Necessary To Reject That Role Completely
44394	KANAYA: And The Same Is True For Me
44395	KANAYA: As Long As I Know Within That I Am Free
44396	KANAYA: And If My Decision Is To Embrace My Path Then It Can Be A Source Of Strength
44397	ROSE: Then you want to try to restore your race again?
44398	ROSE: I had begun to think you'd lost hope in that possibility.
44399	KANAYA: Its True Theres No Orb Anymore
44400	KANAYA: She Said It May Be Very Difficult
44401	KANAYA: But Theres No Hope If I Dont Try
44402	ROSE: That's true.
44403	KANAYA: I Dont Know How Im Going To Do It Yet
44404	KANAYA: But Such Is The Nature Of Adventures
44405	KANAYA: You Cant Be Scared Of Adventures
44406	KANAYA: I Think Im Excited About It Now
44407	ROSE: I can tell.
44408	ROSE: We can work on it together when we arrive. Maybe the session we're about to explore will offer some answers.
44409	KANAYA: I Hope So
44410	ROSE: Hey,
44411	ROSE: You aren't permanently de-glowed now, are you?
44412	KANAYA: Oh No I Can Flip It Back On
44413	KANAYA: See
44414	KANAYA: Turns Out Its Just
44415	KANAYA: A Silly Biological Parlor Trick
44416	ROSE: Oh, good. You had me worried there for a moment.
44417	KANAYA: Sorry
44418	KANAYA: I Know How You Enjoy A Good Source Of Light
44419	ROSE: Light is one of my favorite things.
44420	ROSE: Please don't take these as fighting words, but my aspect is simply the best there is.
44421	DAVE: sup
44422	DAVE: wait whats going on
44423	DAVE: is the meteor passing through another dream bubble
44424	KANAYA: Yes
44425	KANAYA: Hence The Ghost Who Is Following Me
44426	DAVE: oh
44427	DAVE: hey
44428	MEENAH:
44429	DAVE: what you dont talk now?
44430	DAVE: you were pretty spunky before what happened
44431	KANAYA: She Is Exhibiting Her Best Behavior While On This Tour
44432	KANAYA: Shes Actually Doing Very Well So Far
44433	DAVE: ok whatever
44434	DAVE: so what are we just not even bothering to care anymore when we pass through dream bubbles now
44435	DAVE: like no warning or alert or getting into our facetious battle stations or anything
44436	DAVE: eh who cares actually
44437	DAVE: i probably wont even leave the room this time
44438	DAVE: getting a little bored of ghosts actually
44439	DAVE: no offense sea troll
44440	MEENAH: (hornless dirtscraper)
44441	KANAYA: Shh!
44442	MEENAH: 38(
44443	KANAYA: So What Were You Just Mumbling Over Here Before I Interrupted You
44444	DAVE: oh just some raps
44445	DAVE: been working on my raps
44446	DAVE: youve heard my raps right
44447	DAVE: want to hear some raps
44448	KANAYA: ...
44449	DAVE: wait do you know what rap is
44450	DAVE: its this fly human tradition where you drop a beat and talk hard
44451	DAVE: if the flow checks out and your rhymes are dope enough then the police start unholstering their guns
44452	DAVE: they cant help it its like reflexive
44453	DAVE: thats how you know youre doing it right
44454	KANAYA: I Know What Your Raps Are Theyre Basically The Same As The Ancient Artform Of Alternian Slam Poetry
44455	KANAYA: But More Primitive And Generally Involving Less Lyrics About Towering Muscular Livestock
44456	DAVE: slam poetry
44457	DAVE: why didnt you tell me about this
44458	KANAYA: I Dont Know I Dont Really Have Much Interest In The Subject
44459	DAVE: yeah but
44460	DAVE: it should have come up
44461	DAVE: wait now that i think about it
44462	DAVE: i remember some weird troll was rapping at me once
44463	KANAYA: Well There You Go
44464	DAVE: but i mean we could have been talking about rap all this time
44465	DAVE: you and me i mean
44466	DAVE: it would have come up i think if we talked more
44467	DAVE: kanaya we should talk more we dont really talk enough
44468	DAVE: like really just
44469	DAVE: get down to fucking business
44470	DAVE: just the two of us
44471	DAVE: all conversationally and such
44472	KANAYA: Um
44473	DAVE: really like
44474	DAVE: flesh out this dynamic
44475	DAVE: see whats THERE
44476	DAVE: we goddamn WILL squeeze blood from this stone
44477	DAVE: this awkwardly quiet ghost troll as my witness
44478	KANAYA: If You Are Successful In Extracting Blood From The Geological Material In Question Can I Have It
44479	DAVE: aw man
44480	DAVE: kinda semi self deprecating vampire jokes this is a good start i like it
44481	KANAYA: I Dont Know How Sincere Youre Being Dave
44482	KANAYA: Probably Only Somewhat Since The Rule Is That Everything Has To Be At Least Partially A Joke Right
44483	DAVE: yes exactly
44484	KANAYA: But If You Actually Want To Converse And Exchange Views On Our Respective Cultures Then Okay I Guess Thats Fine
44485	KANAYA: I Might Be Able To Dig Up Some Classic Texts By Some Famous Slam Poets
44486	DAVE: oh man yes
44487	DAVE: that would be so fucking perfect
44488	KANAYA: Ok I Will See What I Can Do
44489	DAVE: youll have to read the troll gibberish to me
44490	DAVE: itll be just like storytime with karkat
44491	DAVE: kanaya edition
44492	KANAYA: Heh Sure
44493	DAVE: but youll have to rap the words
44494	KANAYA: Oh
44495	DAVE: pump up the bass and slaughter the mic
44496	DAVE: i want to goddamn FEEL that slam poetry
44497	KANAYA: Is It Too Late To Back Out Of This
44498	MEENAH: yes
44499	So many horns. You've always wondered what the elusive juggalo troll even needs with so many horns? You think he may have some sort of problem. Also what is with trolls and their weird tendency to be found sleeping in horn piles? You can't even imagine a less comfortable place to nap. There are some things you will never understand.
44500	KARKAT: OK, THIS IS JUST FUCKING STUPID NOW.
44501	DAVE: what
44502	KARKAT: I'M ASLEEP, BUT I GUESS THE METEOR IS PHYSICALLY PASSING THROUGH THE BUBBLE I'M DREAMING IN?
44503	KARKAT: AND NOW MY "DREAM PHANTOM", OR WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO CALL THIS VERSION OF YOURSELF, IS ACTUALLY IN THE SAME PHYSICAL LOCATION AS MY SLEEPING BODY.
44504	KARKAT: I'VE JUST BEEN STANDING HERE WATCHING MYSELF SLEEP ON THE HORN PILE. IT'S OFFICIAL. WE'VE BREACHED A CRITICAL THRESHOLD OF BULGE NUMBING IDIOCY.
44505	DAVE: huh
44506	KARKAT: WHAT DO WE EVEN CALL THIS DREAMING INSTANCE OF OURSELVES? IT CAN'T BE "DREAM SELF" BECAUSE THAT'S ALREADY A THING. AS IN THE VERSION OF YOURSELF ON DERSE OR PROSPIT.
44507	KARKAT: BUT THAT WAS MORE LIKE A PHYSICAL, REAL SELF, THAT JUST HAPPENED TO SERVE AS A BACKUP LIFE. THIS IS SOMETHING TOTALLY DIFFERENT, LIKE A WEIRD HOLOGRAM.
44508	KARKAT: HEY, AM I TANGIBLE TO YOU?
44509	DAVE: uh
44510	KARKAT: TOUCH ME.
44511	DAVE: what
44512	KARKAT: JUST GIVE ME A LITTLE POKE.
44513	DAVE: no
44514	KARKAT: DON'T BE LIKE THAT, JUST MAN UP AND TOUCH ME. MAYBE JUST BRUSH MY CHEEK GENTLY WITH THE BACK OF YOUR HAND. SOMETHING UNAMBIGUOUSLY PLATONIC LIKE THAT.
44515	DAVE: no fuck you
44516	DAVE: im not caressing your dream hologram
44517	KARKAT: YOU HAVE A REALLY TRAGICALLY UNDER-INQUISITIVE MIND, DAVE. THIS IS FOR SCIENCE. IF SCIENCE WAS UP TO YOU, HUMANITY NEVER WOULD HAVE COME ANYWHERE CLOSE TO RISING TO THE LEVEL OF PATHETIC INFERIORITY IT WAS BARELY ABLE TO ACHIEVE AS IT WAS.
44518	DAVE: you look really tired man
44519	DAVE: your sleep phantom should curl up with your napping meat torso in the horn pile and try to score some shuteye
44520	KARKAT: YEAH, WELL MAYBE I'LL DO JUST THAT, ASSHOLE!
44521	DAVE: ok
44522	DAVE: hop to it
44523	KARKAT: NO. NOT WHILE YOU'RE WATCHING.
44524	DAVE: man
44525	DAVE: our conversations can be so embarrassing
44526	DAVE: im so glad we manage to have most of them in private
44527	KARKAT: YEAH
44528	KARKAT: ME TOO
44529	DAVE: (you shattered the ring but theres more cracks in your rap)
44530	DAVE: (ima top off your glass cause devastations on tap)
44531	DAVE: (wait no)
44532	DAVE: (your act couldnt suck more dick with a puppet in your lap)
44533	DAVE: (what)
44534	DAVE: (puppet... man where that come from)
44535	DAVE: (you shattered the ring but theres more cracks in your rap)
44536	DAVE: (your flows like warm milk that goes good with a nap)
44537	DAVE: (haha yes)
44538	DAVE: (shit lets be rails ill be the shoosh to your pap)
44539	DAVE: (wait that makes no fuckin sense)
44540	DAVE: (naw ill stick with the milk one)
44541	DAVE: (yall claimin to be the lord of time)
44542	DAVE: (all ya makin me feel is bored with your rhymes)
44543	DAVE: (thats ok i guess)
44544	DAVE: (still feel like i should work puppets into this)
44545	DAVE: (no idea why)
44546	DAVE: (what rhymes with puppets)
44547	DAVE: (uh)
44548	DAVE: (smuppets)
44549	DAVE: (dave no thats the same fuckin thing)
44550	DAVE: (muppets)
44551	DAVE: (what the fuck)
44552	DAVE: (the only thing that rhymes with puppets is different kinds of puppets!!!)
44553	KANAYA: ...
44554	DAVE: whoa
44555	DAVE: hey uh
44556	DAVE: how much of that did you hear
44557	KANAYA: By The Tenor Of The Question Ill Assume More Than You Would Prefer
44558	DAVE: all that shit was a work in progress
44559	DAVE: aint fit for hype yet
44560	DAVE: why you gotta be eavesdroppin
44561	KANAYA: I Wasnt
44562	KANAYA: I Was Just Standing Here And You Slowly Wandered Over In A Totally Oblivious Stupor
44563	KANAYA: You Were Mumbling Your Rhymes And Walked Right Up To Me And Did Not Notice Me Until Now
44564	DAVE: shit
44565	DAVE: was i
44566	DAVE: sorry i guess i just got caught up in my raps
44567	MEENAH: do more!
44568	DAVE: what
44569	DAVE: no
44570	DAVE: i cant those rhymes are still too rough around the edges
44571	MEENAH: come on
44572	DAVE: no itll suck
44573	DAVE: i mean
44574	DAVE: i could freestyle a bit i guess
44575	DAVE: i dont know if i got a live performance in me now
44576	DAVE: maybe it could work if someone dropped a beat
44577	DAVE: need a good beat i could probably kill it with a fly beat
44578	MEENAH: aheh hem...
44579	MEENAH: dum dum PS)( ba dum dum PS)(
44580	MEENAH: chum chum FIS)( ba chum chum FIS)(
44581	DAVE: awwwww yeah
44582	DAVE: that fish beat is the shizzle
44583	DAVE: thats what i am TALKING about
44584	DAVE: alright settle down motherfuckers here we go
44585	KANAYA: They Then Proceeded To Have One Of The Most Ambiguously Rated Rap Offs In The History Of Paradox Space While I Stood By And Regarded It Neutrally
44586	DAVE: rose quit all the clanking around over here i cant concentrate on my raps
44587	DAVE: what in the sweet religious name of jesus h dick are you doing with all these bottles
44588	ROSE: Just a little alchemy.
44589	DAVE: alchemy
44590	DAVE: what kind of shitty thing are you alchemizing with this crap
44591	DAVE: are you alchemizing bottles with other bottles to make like
44592	DAVE: superbottles
44593	ROSE: No. Believe it or not, I'm actually focused the contents of the bottles.
44594	DAVE: youre a pretty good hike from the alchemiters
44595	ROSE: The alchemy I'm practicing is a little more old fashioned.
44596	ROSE: You know, there was a time on Earth when alchemy didn't refer to a process whereby a large device used game constructs to materialize some idealized version of an object out of thin air.
44597	ROSE: Alchemists used to experiment with various substances to transmute them into something more valuable.
44598	ROSE: Its more pedestrian and scientifically credible cousin would be chemistry, which I guess is the technical term for mixing shit together.
44599	ROSE: Which strictly speaking more accurately describes what I'm doing.
44600	DAVE: so what your doing science now
44601	DAVE: who do you think you are your mom
44602	DAVE: wait that sounded like lame burn again
44603	DAVE: every time i talk about your mom it sounds like a burn
44604	DAVE: who do you think you are my mom
44605	DAVE: wait scratch that
44606	DAVE: every time we start talking about her as my mom things just start snowballing down our dumb conversational ski slope and suddenly sigmund freud and king oedipus start banging each others hot moms at some kind of depraved sexy momswap party
44607	ROSE: Thanks for the imagery. It was almost as graphic as it made no sense.
44608	DAVE: so what are you making
44609	ROSE: Beverages.
44610	DAVE: beverages what kind of beverages
44611	ROSE: Tasty beverages, I hope.
44612	DAVE: apple juice???
44613	DAVE: please let it be aj please let it be aj please let it be aj
44614	ROSE: I'll see what I can do.
44615	DAVE: omg
44616	DAVE: omg
44617	DAVE: fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck yes
44618	ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ," Karkat said from atop the towering heap of hilarious clown accessories.
44619	ROSE: You better not let Kanaya find you in here.
44620	ROSE: She still hates you, you know.
44621	ROSE: And not in "that way." I think she still truly would like to kill you.
44622	GAMZEE: yeah, i all up and motherfuckin know that already.
44623	ROSE: I've wondered, doesn't it ever get confusing? Trying to differentiate between platonic, malicious intent, and gestures of black romance?
44624	GAMZEE: NO.
44625	GAMZEE: like i'd even give a dayglow chainsaw bitch like that on my time of day up in any quadrant.
44626	GAMZEE: BESIDES, ALREADY GOT MY BLACK ROM ON WITH ANOTHER MOTHERFUCKER.
44627	GAMZEE: been dating somebody in the motherfuckin shadows. getting pretty nasty between us. all experiencing the shit out of the dark miracle called hatebliss.
44628	ROSE: Wait, really?
44629	ROSE: Who?
44630	GAMZEE: :o)
44631	ROSE: Karkat?
44632	GAMZEE: no.
44633	ROSE: Dave??
44634	GAMZEE: NO.
44635	ROSE: Not... the Mayor???
44636	GAMZEE: no.
44637	ROSE: Wait...
44638	ROSE: Terezi?
44639	GAMZEE: HONK.
44640	ROSE: Are you serious?
44641	GAMZEE: do i mother fucking look like i'd motherfuckin joke around with a mother fucker?
44642	ROSE: I...
44643	ROSE: I can't even parse that relationship as something meaningful.
44644	ROSE: What...
44645	GAMZEE: IT'S SIMPLE.
44646	GAMZEE: mother fucker.
44647	GAMZEE: SHE ALL GETS ON HER HATE OF ME QUITE UNDERSTANDABLY, SEEING AS TO WHAT A VILE PIECE OF CLOWN ASS TRASH I'M ALL IS.
44648	GAMZEE: but doesn't quite hate me enough to want to kill me. :o)
44649	ROSE: This is a really startling revelation, I must say.
44650	ROSE: It's a game changer.
44651	GAMZEE: HEY.
44652	GAMZEE: please don't all tell at this noise to anyone.
44653	GAMZEE: IF KARKAT MOTHER FUCKIN KNEW ON THIS...
44654	GAMZEE: he actually would want to kill me. :o(
44655	ROSE: Yes, I can see the dilemma you're in.
44656	ROSE: Your social dynamics really begin to get complicated once your quadrants start to fill up, don't they?
44657	GAMZEE: MOTHER FUCK YEAH THEY MOTHER FUCKING DO.
44658	ROSE: Don't worry. Your secret is safe with me.
44659	ROSE: Now shoo. Back into the ventilation system with you, before you're spotted.
44660	DAVE: whats up with the fish punk troll following kanaya around
44661	ROSE: Seems she's passing through. Kanaya doesn't want her to cause trouble.
44662	DAVE: cause trouble
44663	DAVE: what the fuck could she even do here
44664	DAVE: like kick over an old pile of garbage and cause the property value to fall even lower than jack shit
44665	DAVE: i say let her go nuts
44666	ROSE: Feel free to take it up with Kanaya.
44667	ROSE: But if you authorize her to flip a bitch, just make sure she's nowhere near my chemistry table.
44668	DAVE: yeah
44669	DAVE: cant be droppin your vials and shit all over the floor
44670	DAVE: the only one whos got clearance to drop science is me
44671	ROSE: Dork.
44672	DAVE: dont even hate
44673	DAVE: been shoring up my muthafuckin CRAFT over here
44674	ROSE: I know. I've been in the same room, right over there, listening to you mumble lyrics to yourself for the last couple hours.
44675	DAVE: rose you know what sucks
44676	ROSE: Yes.
44677	ROSE: To which sucky thing are you referring?
44678	DAVE: it kinda just occurred to me
44679	DAVE: while i was spitting ill verse to no end
44680	DAVE: i got this weird feeling that i might be getting like
44681	DAVE: a little dated?
44682	ROSE: Is this about Terezi?
44683	DAVE: what
44684	DAVE: no no
44685	DAVE: dont be disingenuous word girl you know what im saying
44686	DAVE: i mean sorta passe
44687	DAVE: like a lumbering pop reference dinosaur
44688	DAVE: remember we are both kind of stuck in 2009
44689	DAVE: so im like popculturally frozen in that period
44690	DAVE: all my references feel like they might be getting a little stale
44691	DAVE: even though the earth ended and all and there was no culture after that point anyway
44692	DAVE: but still
44693	DAVE: i can feel it
44694	DAVE: like in my bones
44695	DAVE: i just know on some hypothetical earth that kept going my shit is starting to get so lame
44696	DAVE: and i know it doesnt matter because its just us here so who cares
44697	DAVE: but i care
44698	DAVE: its a matter of integrity i am a fucking artist
44699	DAVE: like i think if i make one more rap about like some fucking dane cook movie from 2008 to piss karkat off or some tired bullshit like that im going to
44700	DAVE: i dont know
44701	DAVE: ill just start feeling like a fraud
44702	DAVE: my game might be drying up rose
44703	DAVE: but its not my fault like im totally hostage to this freezedried backlog of cultural garbage that can never move forward again
44704	DAVE: so i have to pick through it like im looting a fucking tomb while still all tryin to act RAP SASSY
44705	DAVE: like YEAH take THAT motherfuckers
44706	DAVE: OF THE PAST
44707	DAVE: all in your mass graves somewhere in a dead frogiverse
44708	DAVE: i be representing some god damn STANDARDS about your media do you feel me
44709	DAVE: im depressing myself here
44710	DAVE: all im saying is it would be cool to have some fresh shit to work with
44711	DAVE: like just to know
44712	DAVE: to know what the world would be like in the year it would be for us now
44713	DAVE: which would be 2011 i guess
44714	DAVE: wow 2011 really
44715	DAVE: damn
44716	DAVE: i just want to know what would have happened
44717	DAVE: theres so much shit we were primed for
44718	DAVE: it was gonna be exciting
44719	DAVE: like barack obama just turned president remember that
44720	DAVE: we never got to see if he fixed the economy
44721	DAVE: remember how you were dying to see if he would fix the economy you were asking me about it every damn day
44722	DAVE: just joking nobody gave a shit about that
44723	DAVE: but like
44724	DAVE: i never got to check out the next batch of stiller jams and see how bad i could mock them
44725	DAVE: we never got to find out how the midnight crew adventure ended
44726	DAVE: if ever
44727	DAVE: rose
44728	DAVE: ROSE??
44729	DAVE: what the fuck man
44730	DAVE: whyd you go back to your bottles and shit i was right in the thick of hella elocution
44731	DAVE: dont give me that
44732	DAVE: yes
44733	DAVE: uh yeah
44734	DAVE: yes i do ACTUALLY want you to come back over here
44735	DAVE: im waiting
44736	ROSE: Fine. Here I am.
44737	DAVE: wow was that so hard
44738	DAVE: this is what civilized people do rose they fucking talk to each other like actually in each others fucking vicinities
44739	ROSE: You just have a tendency to go on for a while. I assumed we progressed to the traditional mumbling monologue stage of Striderian discourse.
44740	DAVE: no thats not even a thing
44741	DAVE: i was actually like
44742	DAVE: trying to get your take
44743	ROSE: Take on what.
44744	DAVE: i dont even know
44745	DAVE: i bet john would have stuff to say
44746	DAVE: hes probably going through the same frozen fucking caveman from 2009 syndrome as me
44747	DAVE: actually what am i saying the dude is a caveman from 1997
44748	DAVE: hahaha like he could give a shit as long as hes got his cage dvds
44749	ROSE: Oh! I saw him the other night.
44750	DAVE: what
44751	ROSE: In a dream. It was very brief, only a few minutes. I waved to him and then woke up.
44752	DAVE: whoa what was he doing
44753	ROSE: He was fighting Jack. Actually, he was doing quite well!
44754	DAVE: oh man
44755	DAVE: you have to tell me all about this
44756	ROSE: I will. Later, though. I'd like to get back to work.
44757	DAVE: ok when
44758	DAVE: tonight?
44759	ROSE: I have plans tonight. How about tomorrow.
44760	DAVE: plans
44761	DAVE: what plans
44762	ROSE: Just some plans.
44763	DAVE: can i come
44764	ROSE: No!
44765	DAVE: fuck fine
44766	DAVE: tomorrow then
44767	DAVE: maybe ill just dream up my own john tonight and well have an awesome time without you what do you think about that
44768	ROSE: ...
44769	DAVE: fu
44770	ROSE: Not to harp on the issue, but,
44771	ROSE: Now that you can switch on and off, so to speak, how often do you think you'll resort to phosphorescence?
44772	KANAYA: I Dont Know
44773	KANAYA: What Do You Think
44774	ROSE: Well, which state is more comfortable?
44775	KANAYA: I Could Go Either Way
44776	KANAYA: Ill Probably Switch On If Im Walking Through A Dark Corridor
44777	KANAYA: Now That I Think About It
44778	KANAYA: Its Been A Long Time Since I Could Even Be In The Dark
44779	KANAYA: Maybe Ill Leave It Off For A While And Refamiliarize Myself With The Experience Of Nonillumination
44780	ROSE: Makes sense.
44781	ROSE: Was this a biological feature common to other trolls?
44782	KANAYA: Um
44783	ROSE: I'm sorry. I'm really pestering you about this, aren't I?
44784	ROSE: We've never talked about it. I guess I was trying to be polite, but I've been really curious about it.
44785	KANAYA: No Thats Ok
44786	KANAYA: Im Told Its A Trait Confined To Those Of My Caste
44787	KANAYA: They Tended To Spend A Lot Of Time In The Brooding Caverns Where A Convenient Source Of Light Was Often Handy
44788	KANAYA: That Part Of It Makes Sense To Me But I Have No Idea What The Evolutionary Purpose Was For The Sort Of Thirst Which Accompanies This Perk
44789	KANAYA: Strikes Me As An Odd Liability But What Do I Know
44790	ROSE: Maybe to frighten predators away from innocent grubs?
44791	KANAYA: Maybe
44792	KANAYA: Or Perhaps It Was A Measured Defect Imposed On Us
44793	KANAYA: To Keep The Auxiliatrices On A Short Leash
44794	ROSE: I'll agree with that assessment, on the grounds that I've always been a sucker for a good conspiracy theory.
44795	KANAYA: The Condition Was Often Glamorized In Certain Works Of Literature
44796	KANAYA: But Theres Really Nothing That Great About It
44797	KANAYA: Not Nearly As Useful As Other Abilities Like The Psychic Gifts Which Some Lowbloods Are Predisposed To
44798	KANAYA: Though I Guess Its Pretty Useful If You Want To Keep The Plans You Made After Someone Punches A Hole Through Your Gut
44799	ROSE: I can see how that could present a whole world of convenience.
44800	ROSE: Speaking of plans, doing anything later?
44801	KANAYA: Not Really
44802	ROSE: I'm working on some stuff right now, but later, maybe once you're finished escorting your guest around, would you like to do something?
44803	KANAYA: Sure
44804	KANAYA: Anything In Particular That You Have In Mind
44805	ROSE: Not really. Just to hang out. If you're up for it!
44806	KANAYA: Yeah That Sounds Okay
44807	MEENAH: (holy mackerel get a fuckin room)
44808	MEENAH: welp
44809	MEENAH: im a total failure
44810	MEENAH: didnt recruit a single ghost for my army
44811	MEENAH: except for one guy but he was asleep
44812	ARANEA: Don't lose hope! I know our group of friends is a 8it lackluster in the motivation department, 8ut there are plenty of other souls out there.
44813	ARANEA: You just need to find someone with the right amount of moxy to get you started. Then I'm sure more will follow.
44814	ARANEA: Who knows, if you keep exploring, may8e someone like that will 8e right around the corner!
44815	MEENAH: you seem more psyched about my army plan than you did before
44816	MEENAH: whats with the change of tuna
44817	ARANEA: I've started to 8elieve that what you're doing may 8e important. Just a feeling.
44818	ARANEA: It could 8e every 8it as critical as my quest to find the cheru8. I think it all could 8e related. Like legs of a stool that won't stand unless all are in place.
44819	MEENAH: how is cherubquest goin btw
44820	ARANEA: Uh... ok.
44821	ARANEA: I've still 8een........ a little preoccupied.
44822	MEENAH: girl please
44823	MEENAH: you been draggin your talking booth around to hassle people with facts aintcha
44824	ARANEA: This is my last session, I swear!!!!!!!!
44825	ARANEA: After this, I promised myself I would retire the exposition stand for good. May8e I'll put it up for sale, and try to recoup some of the su8stantial losses required to operate it.
44826	MEENAH: aranea we are such failures at stuff together
44827	MEENAH: why are we such a couple of gorgeous and sexy failures at things
44828	ARANEA: I don't know, 8ut we can't give up!
44829	ARANEA: Once I close down shop here, I will redou8le my efforts to find that cheru8.
44830	ARANEA: The first thing to do will 8e to figure out her name. It's 8een so maddeningly elusive, almost as if someone's taken care to scru8 any reference to it throughout paradox space, whether in memories or reality.
44831	MEENAH: ok then how about this
44832	MEENAH: while im out there fishin for recruits ill keep an ear out for clues about her
44833	MEENAH: and while youre out there cherub hunting maybe you can see if anyone wants to serve the lil condesce in her slammin new imperial army
44834	MEENAH: itll be
44835	MEENAH: teamfork
44836	ARANEA: That sounds like a great plan!
44837	ARANEA: Now let's hurry this up so we can get started on that. What would you like me to tell you a8out in exchange for the precious few 8oon8ucks I have left?
44838	ARANEA: The Rogue of 8reath was always a very popular mem8er of our group. Pro8a8ly the most popular, I'd say. Sort of the anti-me, in that respect. Ever the recipient of romantic solicitations whichever way he turned. Sort of the anti-Cronus, in that respect.
44839	MEENAH: aw yeah sick ampora burn outta nowhere hi 5
44840	ARANEA: Indeed. His mutation made him an outcast, though. To avoid the unwanted attention his wings would 8ring him, he took refuge in the forest among those who welcomed his differences, and learned their ways.
44841	ARANEA: The Lost Weea8oos was a guild of youthful tree-dwelling troll otakus with a zeal for fisticuffs, flight, and various forms of exotic eastern theater. 8ane to the enemies of hijinks, scourge to the seafaring classes who...
44842	MEENAH: NOP-E
44843	MEENAH: NOT LISFININ TO T)(IS LA LA LA GLUB GLUB GLUB
44844	ARANEA: (GLUB GLUB GLUB GLUB) centuries of feuding with the Kemonomimi tri8es (GLUB GLUB GLUB LA LA LA LA GLUB GLUB GLUB) ceremonial torchlight yaoi festivals (LA LA LA LA GLUB GLUB LA LA LA) tsundere quadrant vacillation (GLUUUUUB GLUBGLUBGLUBGLUB GLUUUUUUUUUB) threw down a daggerlance to challenge the guild's high seme for dominance (NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO) ultimately served like a shonen on Shitsuji Island.
44845	MEENAH: hey serket
44846	MEENAH: how much i gotta pay you to zip yer blowhole on this shit so tight you never bring it up again
44847	ARANEA: For such a service, I will require nothing short of the large gold statue in your palace. I think you know which one I'm talking a8out.
44848	MEENAH: you drive a hard bargain serks
44849	MEENAH: but you got a deal
44850	ARANEA: The Page of Void was a self taught master of mechanics, an avid patron of the fine arts, a passionate 8ody 8uilder, archer, am8rosia collector and steamwright. A poet, a scholar, a warrior, a lover, he was all that his caste demanded and more. A true troll Renaissance man. His name means "He Who Stalks With The Muscle8easts.
44851	ARANEA: 8ut all of his proficiencies were hard won, 8uilt from the 8lank slate as his aspect would imply, advancing at the slow pace his class would as well. Yet in spite of all he worked to make something of himself, he amounted to very little. Responsi8le for neither great feats of heroism nor acts of villainy, he was just another game piece to 8e moved a8out the 8oard. The aspect ruling his life would always conspire to dampen his relevance.
44852	ARANEA: Void is easily the most mysterious aspect, the one which inherently defies rational understanding. This makes it particularly fascinating, and just as frustrating, to light players such as myself. Casting illumination upon nothing itself is futile. For to truly know void is to paradoxically cause it not to 8e!
44853	ARANEA: The role of the void player is to somehow em8race nothingness, to 8ecome one with it. And yet in total contradiction with this, to make use of the power it grants and serve a role of relevance, one must find a way to overcome it! To see the limitless potential in the void. To find everything within nothing, and 8ring it into 8eing.
44854	MEENAH: zzzzzzzzzzz
44855	ARANEA: Hey!!!!!!!!
44856	MEENAH: wuh
44857	ARANEA: This is a perfect case in point, regarding the path of the void player. So resistant is his story to having a relevant 8earing on anything, you fell asleep and didnt hear a word.
44858	MEENAH: yeah thats nice
44859	MEENAH: WH-ER-E MA MON-EY
44860	ARANEA: You don't get any. Your slum8er voided the transaction.
44861	MEENAH: dag
44862	ARANEA: The Witch of Time was not always the party's 8iggest trou8lemaker. If you recall, you wore that tiara for a long time. ::::)
44863	MEENAH: yeah yeah
44864	ARANEA: Once she was as meek as can 8e. Hailing from the eastern provinces, she migrated across the seas and settled near the forest concealing Rufioh's guild. The two of them 8ecame quite fond of each other, and shared many interests!
44865	ARANEA: He secretly 8egan seeing someone else, 8elieving she knew nothing. 8ut she always suspected his infidelity, and over time grew quite distraught. 8ut her sadness never quite turned to rage and malevolence. Not until you... involved yourself.
44866	MEENAH: ugh do we really have to go through this
44867	ARANEA: If you'd like to earn your money, then yes!
44868	MEENAH: bleh fine
44869	ARANEA: After we 8egan our game, you quickly determined that winning was going to 8e an uphill 8attle with our team. Everyone was so preoccupied with their interpersonal issues, and no one seemed in any shape to 8e fighting major 8attles. Sound familiar?
44870	MEENAH: deja vus a bitch serk
44871	ARANEA: So you did your 8est to rile up the crew any way you could. Appealing to peoples insecurities, 8uried hostilities, 8rewing rivalries... needling anyone you could into confrontation with others. Your theory was that increasing everyone's state of aggression would make them 8etter equipped to play the game. And you were sort of right a8out that! 8ut the Alternians would prove it. Not our group, sadly.
44872	ARANEA: The poor girl who took the 8runt of your 8ullying tactics was Damara Megido. You talked up her matesprit's 8etrayal making her feel even more dreadful, while pushing him further into the arms of her rival, until she simply snapped. She attacked him, paralyzing him from the neck down. You finally got the aggressive confrontation you were looking for. Unfortunately, you unleashed something even you weren't prepared for, and you had to deal with her yourself. After a long 8loody duel, she killed you. And you would have stayed dead if not for me!
44873	ARANEA: You never listened to me. You just kept needling and fussing and meddling until eventually you paid the price, and I had to 8ail you out.
44874	MEENAH: (arg how bad do i even want this stupid money...)
44875	ARANEA: Damara has 8een unhinged ever since. 8y increasing her violent tendencies, instead of 8eing an asset in the game, she 8ecame a loose canon, ar8itrarily showing up at key moments throughout the timeline to sa8otage us.
44876	ARANEA: So radical was her shift in personality, I've had a hard time 8elieving your incitement was solely to 8lame. It always seemed like other forces were in play, as if her acts, though apparently haphazard, were in keeping with some inscruta8le agenda. Of course it doesn't help that it's so hard to understand her even on a good day.
44877	ARANEA: Strangely, the only time she was eager to help us was when we were preparing to initiate the Scratch. And it's a good thing she was, since I'm not sure anyone else would have had the a8ility to do that kind of damage to the Cardinal Movement and release its energy.
44878	ARANEA: It was almost a little eerie how happily she complied with our plan. What did Rufioh say she said? Something a8out how we would all finally get what we deserved...
44879	ARANEA: Which at the time, I thought sounded chilling. 8ut there's really two ways of looking at it. One is how the Scratch re8ooted our world into a state of pure chaos, culminating in the annihilation of our universe. 8ut on the other hand, we all got the chance to live out our wildest fantasies as adults on Alternia!
44880	ARANEA: At least you and I sure did. And I wouldn't dou8t she feels the same way.
44881	MEENAH: so
44882	MEENAH: we done?
44883	ARANEA: That's it!
44884	MEENAH: toughest 5 bucks i ever made
44885	You reach the end of the game to find an intriguing convergence of outrageous personalities. You are just dying to see what these heavyweights of badittude have to say to each other, but somehow you discover within yourself the superhuman restraint to hit pause.
44886	There is a whole world of fucking around going on with the meteor crew during the second year of their voyage, and it would be a criminal act of negligence to end this intermission without at least having a peek at their tomfoolery. A weaker person would just want to see what happens with Meenah and Vriska right away. Thank goodness you are a player with a strong sense of responsibility and discipline.
44887	DAVE: (pshh psh bumBUM)
44888	DAVE: (pshh psh bumBUM BUM psh)
44889	DAVE: (yeah)
44890	DAVE: (uh huh)
44891	DAVE: (no wait)
44892	DAVE: (more like...)
44893	DAVE: (uh)
44894	DAVE: (pshh psh chch bumBUM)
44895	DAVE: (TCH)
44896	DAVE: (pshh psh chch bumBUM BUM psh)
44897	DAVE: (yeah thats right)
44898	DAVE: (we are droppin it)
44899	DAVE: (lets do this)
44900	DAVE: (we are like)
44901	DAVE: (in tha PROCESS)
44902	DAVE: (right now)
44903	DAVE: (droppin it like)
44904	DAVE: (a thanksgiving turkey)
44905	DAVE: (tripped over something and shit just got away from me)
44906	DAVE: (my butterballs in freefall motherfuckers)
44907	DAVE: (look out be GOD DAMN LOW)
44908	DAVE: (yeah)
44909	DAVE: (yeah)
44910	DAVE: (droppin everything today)
44911	DAVE: (making it rain)
44912	DAVE: (precipitatin straight up mayhem)
44913	DAVE: (HELLS of weather patterns closing in)
44914	DAVE: (inanimate shit be slippin from my mitts)
44915	DAVE: (my digits cant commit to a legitimate grip)
44916	DAVE: (wait)
44917	DAVE: (nah ima start over)
44918	DAVE: (feel this flow out a lil more)
44919	DAVE: (about how im droppin things today)
44920	DAVE: (just left and right)
44921	DAVE: (things of all shapes sizes and dubious metaphorical merit)
44922	DAVE: (things aint even being held)
44923	DAVE: (by chumps who cant be assed to show up)
44924	DAVE: (droppin shit on yo BEHALF)
44925	DAVE: (you name it)
44926	DAVE: (ima let it go)
44927	DAVE: (drop it like a frivolous lawsuit)
44928	DAVE: (oh snap)
44929	DAVE: (get out of my courtroom bitch)
44930	DAVE: (WASTE OF TAXPAYER MONEY YO)
44931	DAVE: (drop it like the most expensive fucking christmas ornament)
44932	DAVE: (step on that glass with your bare ass feet)
44933	DAVE: (christmas is RUINED motherfucker)
44934	DAVE: (drop it like the mug in usual suspects)
44935	DAVE: (kobayashi was your cup you dumb fuck)
44936	DAVE: (lmao)
44937	DAVE: (drop it like unemployment figures under the obama administrations bold economic policies)
44938	DAVE: (drop it like cargo on a space getaway)
44939	DAVE: (just)
44940	DAVE: (jettison that motherfucker)
44941	DAVE: (this rap is blasting off)
44942	DAVE: (drop it like a bunch of firewood i just gathered)
44943	DAVE: (gonna rub a couple muthafuckin sticks together)
44944	DAVE: (just sittin here whippin up sick lyrical friction)
44945	DAVE: (if you start smellin smoke you caught a whiff of my diction)
44946	DAVE: (shits gettin warm but i wont stop til its hot)
44947	DAVE: (warm just dont cut it when shits gettin dropped)
44948	DAVE: (tell me how you feel)
44949	DAVE: (about shit getting dropped)
44950	DAVE: (how hot do you want it)
44951	DAVE: (when i let go of the fire)
44952	DAVE: (just say when)
44953	DAVE: (what)
44954	DAVE: (i cant hear you)
44955	DAVE: (I SAID SAY WHEN MUTHAFUCKS SHIT IS BURNIN MY HANDS!)
44956	DAVE: (eff it)
44957	DAVE: (here we go)
44958	DAVE: (just dropped that shit like a bad phone connection)
44959	DAVE: (i put gravity in charge of its downward direction)
44960	DAVE: (unfettered descents what it considers perfection)
44961	DAVE: (shit thinks of the ground and it gets an erection)
44962	DAVE: (best hope its carpet bound in its downward spiral)
44963	DAVE: (cause linoleums frowned on, met with an eyeroll)
44964	DAVE: (landin on grass is just the course that its par for)
44965	DAVE: (but hardwood fuckin floors what its woods gettin hard for)
44966	DAVE: (guess i should mention stead a motherfuckin hardons)
44967	DAVE: (how my motherfuckin french could use a presidential pardon)
44968	DAVE: (KICK IT BARACK)
44969	DAVE: (heres where obamas rap solo comes in)
44970	DAVE: (no but how dope would that be!)
44971	DAVE: (oh fuck me that would own)
44972	ROSE: SLUUUUUUUUUURRRRP.
44973	DAVE: dammit
44974	DAVE: rose dont drink so loud its messing up my raps
44975	DAVE: i can actually hear your sips through my headphones
44976	ROSE: Yea well,,
44977	ROSE: I can her your rasps through your whipsers.
44978	ROSE: *Whipspers...
44979	ROSE: *Whip..
44980	ROSE: ......
44981	ROSE: Zers.
44982	ROSE: ;)
44983	ROSE: HIC!!!
44984	DAVE: oh my god
44985	DAVE: you are so fucking hammered
44986	DAVE: how strong did you even make that stuff
44987	ROSE: Iss,
44988	ROSE: Prehhhhtay strong I geush?
44989	ROSE: Whups. Guesh?
44990	ROSE: *Guessss.
44991	ROSE: Eheh.
44992	DAVE: pretty strong
44993	DAVE: rose you just bootlegged some fucking rubbing alcohol
44994	ROSE: Pshf. ..
44995	ROSE: Overaeact much?
44996	ROSE: I'm yam completally in command of my faculities.
44997	DAVE: faculity isnt a word check mate
44998	DAVE: this kinda strikes me as a sort of misappropriation of alchemy
44999	DAVE: like fucking with the mystical technology of creation to whip up some moonshine just seems
45000	DAVE: i dunno man
45001	DAVE: tell me you at least alchemized a bathtub first to stir this shit in
45002	DAVE: at least that would be hilarious
45003	ROSE: Iii,
45004	ROSE: Omg, you're right, I messed a golden opportutiny for a puticularly humoroush approach to this endeavor... :(
45005	DAVE: and where the FUCK is my applejuice rose
45006	DAVE: gotta say
45007	DAVE: you really let me down on the aj front
45008	ROSE: I tried!!
45009	ROSE: I tried making it...
45010	ROSE: Is was HARD, Dave.
45011	ROSE: (Sluuurp.)
45012	DAVE: bullshit it was hard
45013	DAVE: whats so hard about applejuice its like
45014	DAVE: the most basic goddamn juice
45015	DAVE: like the square one of juice
45016	ROSE: Yes, tha's the POINT!
45017	ROSE: Apples are stalartingly difficulf to reproduce.
45018	ROSE: We take for granned our ability to take idealized intsances ofeven quie comlicated objects and conshure them from the void.
45019	ROSE: But compalexity implies a heavilly recombinatife nature.. So.. so many things are synesthized from a series of mushh simpler ideas!
45020	ROSE: To those ennities capable of, of conceshualization and absraction, an apple is as closed to being a noshushnally irredushible object as it gets....
45021	ROSE: Ahem. *Notionally,
45022	ROSE: **Irr, ed, ducible.
45023	ROSE: Tell me, hoch shot, what ideas would you combide to make and apple?
45024	DAVE: uh
45025	ROSE: Exaaalley/.
45026	ROSE: Thusis why apples are sush indivisible symbols, when it comes to thefield of ideas and their reducshunistHIC!!!!! reductionishtic essence from the perispective of humans in paticular.
45027	ROSE: Both from a stantpoint of cultrulal and mytholurgical singificence,, and from a pratical one a swell, if you happen to fine yourself acshualy trying to ENGINEEEer one.
45028	ROSE: Why do you thing, HIC!!! Why do you think Adam mand Eve were punished for biting in to one??
45029	ROSE: They attemped to pentetrate an indivisible unit, uf fundamenetal knowledge. To consume the interior of a thought whish cantot be reduced any further.
45030	ROSE: This knowleshe was for BIDDEN..! Hic. So humanity was forever bandished to live in sin, and, hass strive ever sinse to redeem isself from the hubrinse of this innallectual foily.
45031	ROSE: Hahaha! , Foily.
45032	ROSE: *FOLLY. :)
45033	ROSE: Or what about, the tale of Isaac Newdon under the tree?? He was BONKED on the head by an apple.
45034	ROSE: Not reallyan apple though... an atomic idea. An emlemental unit of inspripation itself, id clocked him right on then noggin.
45035	ROSE: And this indivisible notion colliding with hish awareness, much like.. . a high speed partical fired to create a nuculear chain reacation, jarred from the void a more profund unnerstand, HIC, ing of the intrinsic nature of nothiness. Thatis,. Gravivitation.
45036	ROSE: Of course thess stories are acutually bullshit. They didn't happen in realaity. But thef act that they'rare bullshit makes them more inshresting.
45037	ROSE: Men have crefted many stories that are bullshit out of symbols risen from the abyss of coinsciousness withou necesharily knowing whath e fuck they were doing or saying, as they flounered around for some truth.
45038	ROSE: Bust in spite of themseleves they would for howefer briefly cross through a ray of light regarless. Becuss of the sbymbols. Dave.. The symbols hol dall the power.
45039	DAVE: well shit
45040	DAVE: looks like i wandered into a really weird uncharted side of town tonight
45041	DAVE: its called the drunk rose district
45042	DAVE: and i am scared out of my fucking mind
45043	ROSE: For a guay whos's supposedly, an I quote, "so cool,"
45044	ROSE: You relly are almost comically up tight.
45045	ROSE: Here, why don't you have some...
45046	DAVE: no!
45047	ROSE: What a prune.
45048	ROSE: *Prude.
45049	ROSE: Hic.
45050	DAVE: i told you i dont want any of your experimental fucking spacewizard booze
45051	DAVE: id rather not go blind
45052	DAVE: then terezi will have to teach me to lick shit to see
45053	DAVE: is that what you want do you want me licking everything in sight
45054	DAVE: like oh hey mayor SLURP oh fuck youre not the mayor youre my goddamn sister
45055	ROSE: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! ;D
45056	DAVE: oh my god
45057	DAVE: you laughed way too hard at that it wasnt anywhere close to that funny
45058	DAVE: i think youve had enough
45059	ROSE: *Siiip.*
45060	ROSE: Whaa?
45061	DAVE: good lord
45062	DAVE: i still dont know why you were so bent on making this liquor
45063	DAVE: i thought you werent really that down with the drinkin
45064	DAVE: you never liked it when your mom drank what happened to that
45065	ROSE: Meh. .
45066	ROSE: Sheh was a lonelay single mom.
45067	ROSE: I forgafe her.
45068	DAVE: ok so why
45069	DAVE: why tonight do you just decide to get completely wasted before you
45070	DAVE: like
45071	DAVE: are you nervous about your date with kanaya is that it
45072	ROSE: I's a date??
45073	DAVE: uh
45074	DAVE: yes
45075	ROSE: Howww do yoi figure,
45076	ROSE: It' sa date.
45077	DAVE: rose
45078	DAVE: you are wearing a friggin prom dress
45079	DAVE: and nervously drinking your ass off
45080	DAVE: while you are waiting for kanaya to arrive
45081	DAVE: for a goddamn DATE
45082	ROSE: Can't a girl jush look her best once an awhile?
45083	DAVE: this is infuriating
45084	DAVE: why do you even bother with this stupid charade
45085	DAVE: you could be at like a drive in movie making out with each other
45086	DAVE: all exchanging class rings while giving birth to each others fucking children
45087	DAVE: and you would still be all coy like IS IT A DATE OR ISNT IT HMMMM WHO CAN REALLY SAY FOR SURE???
45088	ROSE: Ok....
45089	ROSE: Mebey,
45090	ROSE: I took a liltle sip totake the edge off?
45091	DAVE: yeah
45092	DAVE: that turned out to be one hell of a sip
45093	DAVE: maybe you should just reschedule
45094	ROSE: NoooooHIC!
45095	ROSE: *No :(
45096	DAVE: just sleep it off there are more hot dates where that came from
45097	ROSE: It's cool I'm, cool.
45098	ROSE: Really!
45099	DAVE: im just not sure youre gonna make the best impression like this
45100	DAVE: come on lets just find you a suitably soft pile of objects to sleep in before she
45101	DAVE: aw shit
45102	ROSE: Mmm?
45103	DAVE: shes here
45104	ROSE: !!
45105	KANAYA: Good Evening
45106	ROSE: HIC!!!!!!!
45107	DAVE: omfg i cant even deal
45108	KANAYA: Oh
45109	KANAYA: Hmm
45110	ROSE: Whas is it?
45111	KANAYA: Am I
45112	KANAYA: Underdressed For The Occasion
45113	ROSE: No!,
45114	ROSE: You look sho great.
45115	KANAYA: If Id Known You Wanted To Dress In More Elegant Attire I Would Have Happily Uh
45116	KANAYA: Hmmm
45117	ROSE: :)
45118	KANAYA: Well
45119	KANAYA: If Um
45120	KANAYA: You Think Im Fine Like This Then Okay
45121	DAVE: (rose i think you started drinking way too early)
45122	DAVE: (i think you just like)
45123	DAVE: (completely fucking forgot to tell kanaya you were dressing up)
45124	ROSE: Yeah, I.. ..Ha ha, wow.
45125	ROSE: Yo'ure prolaby right.
45126	ROSE: I sarted soooo...
45127	ROSE: Sooooooooooo,
45128	ROSE: Whennid I start?
45129	ROSE: What even time isit.
45130	DAVE: (man youre gonna make her so uncomfortable all dolled up like that not to mention three sheets to the fucking wind)
45131	DAVE: (this date is going to be so awkward)
45132	ROSE: (Its'snottaDATE!!)
45133	DAVE: (yeah sure)
45134	KANAYA: Rose
45135	KANAYA: Are You Feeling Alright
45136	ROSE: Whay do you ask?
45137	ROSE: Becouse if,
45138	ROSE: You want to kno, I relay fell,
45139	ROSE: Quiiiiiiie fabuloush!
45140	KANAYA: Ah
45141	KANAYA: It Seems You May Have Imbibed One Of Your Experimental Human Soporifics
45142	ROSE: HIC!!!!!!!!!!!!
45143	KANAYA: Whoah
45144	KANAYA: Yes
45145	KANAYA: Well Then
45146	KANAYA: I Guess That Would Explain It
45147	ROSE: Esplain what?
45148	KANAYA: The Lethargy You Possibly Experienced When It Came To Completing Our Rendezvous In A Timely Manner
45149	ROSE: Our,
45150	ROSE: Wait..
45151	ROSE: Waat.
45152	KANAYA: I Was Waiting For You In The Common Area For A Couple Hours But You Did Not Show Up
45153	KANAYA: So
45154	KANAYA: I Came To Find You
45155	DAVE: (SMH)
45156	ROSE: Oh,
45157	ROSE: Ohhhhhh.,
45158	ROSE: Oh mey god.....
45159	ROSE: I FORGOD ABOUT OUR DATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
45160	ROSE: hic :c
45161	KANAYA: Our Date
45162	KANAYA: Then
45163	KANAYA: You Did Intend For The Plans We Made To Be A Date
45164	KANAYA: Which Is To Say One That Was Romantically Oriented
45165	DAVE: holy shit we got a room full of smooth operators here tonight
45166	DAVE: yes kanaya it was going to be a romantically oriented date
45167	ROSE: I'm so sorry aaaah..!
45168	DAVE: but as you can see rose is hooched to the fucking max
45169	DAVE: so i think youre better off going out another time
45170	ROSE: No!
45171	ROSE: I said I swas stilt up for it.
45172	ROSE: I aready, HIC, fucked up, by loshing track of time.
45173	ROSE: I'mnot going to blow it again!!
45174	DAVE: ugh
45175	DAVE: you seriously still wanna go through with this
45176	KANAYA: Well
45177	KANAYA: Im Still Amenable To An Evening Of
45178	KANAYA: Whatever
45179	ROSE: :D
45180	KANAYA: But
45181	KANAYA: Is There Some Reason Why You Would Advise Otherwise Dave
45182	KANAYA: I Will Have To Plead Ignorance On The Subject Of Human Courtship And Its Customs When It Involves One Or More Intoxicated Participants
45183	KANAYA: Is There A Problem
45184	DAVE: a problem
45185	DAVE: uh
45186	DAVE: i dunno if youre cool with your date slurring words and making no damn sense about apples then
45187	DAVE: i guess not???
45188	KANAYA: ...
45189	DAVE: why are you both looking at me
45190	DAVE: stop that
45191	ROSE: ;D
45192	DAVE: no dont
45193	DAVE: hey i am not your fucking life coach here
45194	DAVE: if you want to go on a drunkdate what do i care
45195	DAVE: man what do i even know about "human courtship" anyway
45196	DAVE: not like i ever dated a fuckin human
45197	DAVE: so i guess have at it
45198	KANAYA: Alright
45199	DAVE: awesome
45200	DAVE: datenite with drunky it is
45201	DAVE: go apeshit i guess
45202	DAVE: uh so
45203	DAVE: what should i do here
45204	DAVE: you want me to pack up my raps and leave you alone or
45205	ROSE: Ohn no, you don't have to do than...
45206	ROSE: We can leaf you tou your slam poems in peace.
45207	ROSE: Kayaya, why don't we go for a walk?
45208	KANAYA: Yes
45209	KANAYA: After You
45210	KANAYA: If You Can Actually
45211	KANAYA: Manage To
45212	KANAYA: Whoa There!
45213	KANAYA: Maintain Your Balance
45214	KANAYA: Okay
45215	KANAYA: Are You Good
45216	KANAYA: Okay Good
45217	KANAYA: Lets Go
45218	KANAYA: Since Its Now Clear That Your Premeditated Designs On This Evening Exceeded My Own By A Wide Margin
45219	KANAYA: Insofar As You Intended This To Be A Date With Fancy Clothes Whereas I Showed Up Looking Like Something The Lusus Dragged In
45220	KANAYA: Maybe You Can Tell Me Now Exactly What You Had In Mind
45221	KANAYA: I Mean
45222	KANAYA: As Far As Specific Activities Are Concerned
45223	ROSE: Noupe!
45224	KANAYA: Noupe
45225	KANAYA: I Mean Nope
45226	KANAYA: Nope What
45227	ROSE: I honessly had not drafted blueprins for the evening.
45228	ROSE: Assine from.,
45229	ROSE: Gettin prettied up, aaand,
45230	ROSE: Actually, you know... being puncutual abou my commiment.
45231	ROSE: Wohoops.
45232	KANAYA: Its Really Okay Though
45233	KANAYA: I Admit I Was Irked For A Moment But Then Realized It Was So Unlike You That Extenuating Circumstances Were Most Likely In Play
45234	KANAYA: So I Went To Find You And Lo And Behold
45235	KANAYA: Extenuation Was What I Found To Be Taking Place
45236	ROSE: Omg.
45237	ROSE: Kangaya,.
45238	ROSE: I 'm.
45239	ROSE: Soooo extenuated righ now.
45240	ROSE: Hic.
45241	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/gamzee_tinyhonk1.png" border="0" />
45242	ROSE: !
45243	KANAYA: What
45244	ROSE: Dish you hear something?
45245	KANAYA: No Hear What
45246	ROSE: Hum.
45247	ROSE: Maybe yoush ould turn the lighst on...
45248	KANAYA: That Better
45249	ROSE: Yes.
45250	ROSE: Shhh!
45251	ROSE: ..
45252	ROSE: . .
45253	ROSE: ...
45254	ROSE: .,
45255	ROSE: ,..
45256	KANAYA: (what are we listening for)
45257	ROSE: Erh, nothing I gues.
45258	ROSE: Annyway.
45259	ROSE: I just thouh that,
45260	ROSE: Tonight...
45261	ROSE: We could just walk a round for a while an talk.
45262	ROSE: About relly anything. Like...
45263	ROSE: Our worls, or, the fushure, or,
45264	ROSE: How you'are going to save your speshies. :)
45265	KANAYA: Yes That Sounds Nice
45266	ROSE: Just have a casusal, spoptaneous evening. I don' .. hic, I don't ses why dates have to alayways be,
45267	ROSE: A felderal fucking eschew. Dono't you agree?
45268	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/gamzee_tinyhonk2.png" border="0" />
45269	ROSE: !!
45270	ROSE: Kaynaya.
45271	ROSE: Can you kep a secret?
45272	KANAYA: Yes
45273	ROSE: I learned somethin earlier today.
45274	ROSE: It was trobuling.
45275	ROSE: Something about,
45276	ROSE: Teresi.
45277	ROSE: Aand,
45278	ROSE: ...
45279	KANAYA: And What
45280	ROSE: And Gamshee.
45281	KANAYA: !!!
45282	ROSE: See...
45283	ROSE: I bumped into him earliar.
45284	KANAYA: You Did
45285	KANAYA: Where??
45286	ROSE: No no please, pleeasse don't get angry, and. ..
45287	ROSE: Go on another vengeful clown hunting espedition, I...
45288	ROSE: This is the point, this is was troubling me abou this.
45289	ROSE: I don't want anyone to fight!
45290	KANAYA: Actually
45291	KANAYA: Theres No Need To Worry About That
45292	KANAYA: I Think Im Done Trying To Kill Him
45293	ROSE: You are?
45294	KANAYA: Yeah
45295	KANAYA: He Has Achieved Victory Through The Gambit Of Cowards Default
45296	KANAYA: Dont Get Me Wrong He Is Still Utterly Awful
45297	KANAYA: But Sometimes You Just Have To Let A Thing Go
45298	KANAYA: You Know
45299	ROSE: Yeahhh,
45300	KANAYA: What Were You Saying About Terezi And Gamzee
45301	ROSE: Righ, well apparenly they..
45302	ROSE: Are.
45303	ROSE: An item?
45304	ROSE: Blackways, I mean.
45305	KANAYA: What
45306	ROSE: The y'are spades dating. In theh shadowns... nobody knows. But me. An now,
45307	ROSE: You.
45308	KANAYA: Are You Serious
45309	ROSE: Yesh!!
45310	ROSE: And it's been troubling me, the more I thing about it.
45311	ROSE: All lot.
45312	KANAYA: Why
45313	ROSE: Because it presends a prickly prolitical sishuation.
45314	ROSE: Terezi's relationship with Karkant is already somewhat tenuous, with their... well from, what I've gathered, about their hishtory.
45315	ROSE: And Dave! His involovment makes in even more complicated, and,
45316	ROSE: I think, with Karkat being moirails to Gamzee, if he finds out Gamzee iss spades with Tetreezi, then...
45317	ROSE: Correct me if I'm wrong but isin't that whole arrangemen getting into territory of social taboob?
45318	ROSE: * Tabob. Escuse me.
45319	KANAYA: That Could Be Very Awkward Yes
45320	ROSE: Right!!
45321	ROSE: I don't no if it's my ser powers or what, but, HIC, I can see it unfolting all too clearly.
45322	ROSE: Karkast finds out about it and flies inno a rage. It ruins hish moirlallegelleninance... I mean his moiraHIC!.. It ruins his diamonds with Gamzee, who thefore becomes less stable.
45323	ROSE: And he villifies Trepezi as well, and who knows how she reacs. Or what happens with Dave for that matter.
45324	ROSE: Would Dave actually be aright wich Terezi dating a psychotic clown on th side, even if its is a releationship centered around only enmity? I kinof doubt it.
45325	ROSE: He could side with Korkat on the matter.. Not even tos peak of where your alignment is on the subjech of Gamzeen.
45326	ROSE: Which is, what I fear. I'm afraid that,
45327	ROSE: This could create a schisasm in our group, that we could all be torn apart.
45328	ROSE: And I don't wand that!!!!!
45329	ROSE: I want us all to stay friends, and jus be... peaceful togehter. :(
45330	KANAYA: Me Too
45331	KANAYA: I Can See The Dilemma Here
45332	KANAYA: Are You Actually Thinking About
45333	KANAYA: Um
45334	KANAYA: Doing Something About This
45335	ROSE: I dun't know!!!
45336	ROSE: Maybe I shouldn't intrefere with their kishmeshishit... kshimimishimesh.. Aw fuck.
45337	ROSE: Their hate dating.
45338	ROSE: Maybe it's..
45339	ROSE: Just a wonderful thing for them. An I would beh hoorible to inerfere, with their..
45340	ROSE: Beaufiful hate?
45341	ROSE: The problem is, it's still soo alien to me. The idea of blapck romance.
45342	ROSE: I try to understand, sometimes, like, more than inteclectually. I try to, put myself in the shoes of FEELING that an...
45343	ROSE: It still dosn't make sense to me.
45344	ROSE: I don't want to project my human valuesh on to an alien relationship I dispapprove of.
45345	KANAYA: I Understand
45346	KANAYA: But What Youre Describing Is
45347	KANAYA: Hmm
45348	KANAYA: Actually Im Hesitant To Even Mention It
45349	ROSE: No, what!
45350	KANAYA: This Is Probably Not A Good Idea
45351	ROSE: Oh, puleashe. You KNOW you have to tall me now.
45352	KANAYA: The Feelings You Are Having Are Actually Perfectly Normal Within The Framework Of Our Quadrant Based Romantic Tradition
45353	KANAYA: I Dont Know If They Can Be Felt Naturally By Humans But The Way You Are Viewing Their Relationship Would Be Quite A Standard Response On Alternia
45354	ROSE: Yeah??
45355	KANAYA: Yes
45356	KANAYA: It Is Sanctioned Within The Ashen Quadrant
45357	KANAYA: Which Addresses Conciliatory Romantic Feelings Not Directed At A Single Person
45358	KANAYA: But At Two People Who Are Presently In Such A Contentious Relationship
45359	ROSE: Oh shitch... I forgot about that..
45360	ROSE: You're right, :o
45361	KANAYA: It Is Generally Not Regarded As One Of The More Emotionally Fulfilling Quadrants To Become Involved In
45362	KANAYA: And Can Be Quite Laborious To Maintain
45363	KANAYA: But It Served A Very Important Social Purpose For My People
45364	KANAYA: Such As In Situations Very Similar To The One You Described
45365	KANAYA: Where Two Parties Are Highly Drawn To Each Other Through Animosity
45366	KANAYA: They May In Fact Be Perfect For Each Other In That Tumultuous Quadrant
45367	KANAYA: But To Pursue The Relationship Would Be Chaos
45368	KANAYA: Much Like The Scenario You Laid Out The Two Kismeses If Left Unchecked Would Devastate All Their Other Relationships
45369	KANAYA: Those In Their Own Quadrants And Even Those In Other Peoples
45370	KANAYA: So It Is The Job Of An Auspistice To Make Sure That Doesnt Happen
45371	ROSE: Yes...
45372	ROSE: .
45373	ROSE: hic.
45374	ROSE: .
45375	ROSE: YES.....
45376	ROSE: KANAYA THAT IS EXAGLY WHAT I NEED TO DO!!!
45377	KANAYA: Oh No
45378	KANAYA: Really
45379	ROSE: Absoulutely.
45380	ROSE: I haf never been so shure.. about, anything.
45381	ROSE: Well maybe, almost anaything.. :), but yes.
45382	KANAYA: I Dont Think I Would Advise It
45383	KANAYA: Its Extremely Difficult And Can Often Feel Like A Thankless Undertaking
45384	KANAYA: In Truth It Is Probably The Most Challenging Quadrant To Master
45385	KANAYA: Trust Me
45386	ROSE: I believe you.
45387	ROSE: But I wants to know.
45388	ROSE: Can you teach me?
45389	KANAYA: I
45390	KANAYA: ...
45391	ROSE: There's so mouch I just don't understand.
45392	ROSE: About your romanse, but,
45393	ROSE: I'm soi curious.
45394	ROSE: I try to understand the concept of either contentatious or plastonic relationships as something that...
45395	ROSE: Can be parshed through the emotions assoliated with romance but,,
45396	ROSE: It still doesn't realay compute to me.
45397	KANAYA: I Really
45398	KANAYA: Dont Know If I Would Be A Good Teacher
45399	KANAYA: Of Auspisticism
45400	KANAYA: I Honestly Was Not Very Good At It Myself
45401	ROSE: Tha's fine..
45402	ROSE: Forget aushpipshit...
45403	ROSE: Auspishtishimish..
45404	ROSE: Good damn.
45405	ROSE: Forget specificulty that right now,.
45406	ROSE: I want...
45407	ROSE: You to teach me evvverrreeything!
45408	KANAYA: Everything
45409	ROSE: Yez.
45410	KANAYA: That Is
45411	KANAYA: A Lot Of Things
45412	ROSE: I want you... to,
45413	ROSE: Teash me ALL the quadrans.
45414	ROSE: I want you toot,
45415	ROSE: Tell me about your spabes,
45416	ROSE: Your didamounds,
45417	ROSE: I wank you to,
45418	ROSE: Share wish me yur clumbs...
45419	ROSE: And your hearst.
45420	ROSE: I want..
45421	ROSE: Yuouo....
45422	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/weirdhonk.gif" border="0" />
45423	And with the smitten Seer's inebriated descent down a flight of escalation zigzags through the dark subway-like belly of the meteor, and with teen xenolove mingling with weird honks wafting from the ventshafts to fill the fetid laboratory air with equal parts mirth and gaiety, we are ready to bid adieu to this vignette of hyperimportant fucking around on the pitch-perfect note of a single textbook deployment of the rare yet highly embarrassing DRUNK HAPPEN xROSE COMBOBOB.
45424	And once again we find ourselves poised to attempt to exit this intermission prematurely, while forgetting to address exactly no loose ends whatsoever. You turn the page to find a pair of green curtains that won't close, and are fooled completely by them, as usual.
45425	And there you have it. Literally the worst psycheout in Homestuck to date, hands down.
45426	But seriously, we still need to see what Meenah and Vriska have to say to each other. Proceed to the next page to find out how these twin titans of in-your-face delinquency react to each other's unique brands of reckless antihero chutzpah.
45427	You spend no less than 90 seconds staring at this fucking GIF image before you realize the actual Flash animation is on the next page.
45428	Meenah: H-EY YOU! serket lookin girl
45429	Meenah: wanna join my army
45430	Vriska: Oh, I see. It's the Peixes wanna8e. So you're the one raising this army. That's hilarious.
45431	Vriska: Sorry, I can't join your dum8 army. I'm 8usy pursuing a much more intelligent strategy.
45432	Meenah: who da fuck you callin a wannabe?? lousy pants wearin smart mouth aranea ripoff
45433	Meenah: now get in my army fore i poke you up beeyotch
45434	Vriska: Not gonna happen!!!!!!!! I am however looking for a large num8er of recruits to follow me on my treasure hunting expedition.
45435	Meenah: wut
45436	Vriska: I need an enormous mo8 of ghosts following me around to get that asshole's attention, so he can wreck more empty space and help me find the treasure! You want in?
45437	Meenah: that makes no fuckin sense at all
45438	Meenah: anemoneway i dont recall giving anyone clearance for a whalenormous treasure hunt
45439	Meenah: as the rightful heiress that sorta noise has to go through me yo!!!
45440	Vriska: Haha! Wow, I had no idea the Peixes twin was such a riot! At least, I HOPE you were trying to 8e funny with that remark.
45441	Vriska: John! Tavros! Stop goofing off over there and come get a load of this chick!!!!!!!!
45442	Tavros: uHH, WHAT? wHAT AM i ACTUALLY GETTING A LOAD OF,
45443	John: oh, it's you! i remember you.
45444	Meehah: ITS BLU-E BOY!!! hahaha i forgot about this dumb nerd
45445	John: hey... what are you doing with that...
45446	John: no, please put the pokey thing down!
45447	Meenah: H-EY BLU-E BOY!!! CATC)(!!!!!!
45448	John: AUGH, NOT AGAIN!!!
45449	Tavros: oH, yES, eHEHEHEHEHEH,
45450	Vriska: Oh no. You did NOT just fork-vanish my alt universe ex 8oyfriend. No you DIDN'T!!!!!!!!
45451	Meenah: guess you could say i made him
45452	Meenah: disaSP-EAR 38)
45453	Vriska: Who do you think you are? Some sort of 8ad girl? Please, that's o8viously my turf.
45454	Vriska: 8ut you clearly want to rum8le, so who am I to deny you the 8eatdown you're angling for?
45455	Meenah: angling?? hey stick to spider puns or whatever if youre gonna talk smack
45456	Meenah: FIS)( PUNS AR-E MY TURF!!!
45457	Meenah: or i guess i mean... surf 38?
45458	Vriska: Yeah, uh, I don't really DO puns? Mainly 8ecause I'm not a lame wiggler.
45459	Vriska: Anyway you sure like to wave that trident around while running your mouth. I wonder if you had any intention of engaging in any actual com8at?
45460	Vriska: Guess it's up to me to get this party started, as usual. Watch and learn!!!!!!!!
45461	Meenah: aw man is this what were doin now
45462	Meenah: changin into our bullshit god rags?
45463	Vriska: Your move, punk! :::;)
45464	Meenah: but these jams are so ugly
45465	Meenah: bleh fine here goes nofin
45466	Meenah: -E-E-E-E-E------EUUUG)(
45467	Meenah: i look like hell... all beige and shit
45468	Meenah: how can you even stand these grody ass thief duds
45469	Vriska: Wow, unreal. What a prima donna! Tavros, can you believe this girl?
45470	Vriska: Hey, what are you doing? Stop fidgeting around? Are you looking for something?
45471	Tavros: (mUst fIND, my pReciOUs,,,)
45472	Meenah: i was thinkin of modding ma peejays to look a little snazzier
45473	Meenah: water you think of...
45474	Meenah: this?
45475	Vriska: Uh........
45476	Meenah: or this? or maybe...
45477	Vriska: ::::|
45478	Meenah: wait how bout...
45479	Meenah: yea???
45480	Vriska: ????????
45481	Vriska: Oh my god. Will you stop????????
45482	Vriska: You don't like your gear, just do what I do. Take it to the next level! Check it.
45483	Meenah: da fuuuuck
45484	Meenah: come on girl i aint got no dice or fancy pirate threads this is like my top shellf battle mode here
45485	Meenah: but i CAN call for backup
45486	Meenah: my homies can teach you to show your royalty a lil respect
45487	Aranea: Hey, what's going on here?! Meenah, are you fighting with my dancestor? This is so counterproductive!
45488	Meenah: original recipe serket. quit yer glubbin and go god tier already theres a rumble goin down in the hood
45489	Aranea: Oh, fine. 8ut I'm not participating in this fight!!!!!!!!
45490	Vriska: Hey there, dorky teen Marquise! Nice of you to join us.
45491	Vriska: Your friend seems to think she's the only one who can call for 8ackup.
45492	Vriska: As if I don't have god tier pals w8ting in the wings too!
45493	Aradia: huh? what is happening here... wait
45494	Aradia: is this a party? oh goodness i think it is OuO
45495	Aradia: this is like a fun costume party for ghosts isnt it! whats the occasion?
45496	Vriska: Nothing, Megido. Just a run of the mill afterlife smackdown. You're on my team.
45497	Aradia: oh but im not doing any fighting
45498	Aranea: Neither am I!
45499	Vriska: God dammit, Aradia.
45500	Meenah: scrod clammit aranea
45501	Meenah: aight we need some non pacifisht chumps on the scene pronto
45502	Meenah: E-Y ANYON-E IN TH-E G)(OST VICINITY G-ET Y-ER TAIL OV-ER )(-ER-E S)(IT IS GOING DOWN
45503	Vriska: YEAH!!!!!!!!
45504	Latula: wooooo, 4w y34h grlz, h34rd you w3r3 st4rt1ng 4 p4rty ov3r h3r3??? >XD
45505	Meenah: no its not a party its...
45506	Kankri: Hm. I see s9me9ne has ch9sen t9 dress as a pirate f9r this party, in spite 9f the negative ass9ciati9ns that the 9ld marauding classes have with vi9lent a6use, 9ppressi9n, n9t even t9 mention
45507	Meenah: ARRRRRGH DUD-E GTFO
45508	Latula: yo porr1m! n1c3 costum3! w4y to ch4ng3 1nto someth1ng on such short not1ce. H1 F1V3!!!!
45509	Porrim: What? No+, this isn't a co+stume. It's just what I was wearing. I came o+ver here to+ see what all the co+mmo+ti+n was about.
45510	Latula: d4mn grl you just look1ng f1n3 for th3 h3ll of 1t th3n! GRL POW3R!!!
45511	Porrim: Uh... sure. So+ this is a party? So+unds like fun!
45512	Meenah: no its not a party gfd 38(
45513	Aradia: lets annihilate them
45514	Aradia: yes lets. i am in the m00d t0 ruin s0meb0dy
45515	Vriska: Right on! I knew I could count on you crazy metal 8roads for some mayhem.
45516	Sollux: hey aradia, uh... y0ur rob0 clones l0ok like they're ab0ut to flip the fuck 0ut. they're making me nervous, eheheh. can you try talking s0me sense into them?
45517	Aradia: sorry sollux my robotic duplicates have always been free agents totally exempt from my influence and better judgement
45518	Aradia: equius do you think you can calm them down?
45519	Equius: D --> They are pernickety devices
45520	Equius: D --> Often sweat seeps into their circuitry and causes them to behave more erratically
45521	Equius: D --> Which unfortunately only causes me to sweat even more profusely, I am afraid
45522	Aradia: equius weve never talked about it but im not sure how comfortable i am with you um... courting such a great plurality of my mechanical doubles
45523	Equius: D --> On a scale of 1 to 100, how depraved would you say you find my behavior?
45524	Equius: D --> (please be 100, please be 100...)
45525	Aradia: i never should have kissed you that time it was such a mistake :(
45526	Equius: D --> (I NEED A TOWEL)
45527	Equius: D --> (A NEW ONE I MEAN)
45528	Mituna: HA7H 4NYW0NG 533N MY H4ML37
45529	Kurloz: :o)
45530	Mituna: 000H WH04 N1C3 C057UM3 8UDDY
45531	Kurloz: :o)
45532	Cronus: (be quiet. by saying anything youre really making a horrible impression on people we should be trying to impress here.)
45533	Mituna: 1M 50RRY
45534	Cronus: (ill forgivwe you, but this is the last time i evwer do. im at my vwits end with you.)
45535	Mituna: 1M 50RRY PL3453 PL3453 F04G1V3 M3 4G4IN
45536	Feferi: GLUB! (whoops, i mean glub. oh gosh, it's my ancestor!)
45537	Feferi: (i'm so nervous, i can't let her notice me. she's so unbubbleivably cool! *swoonami*)
45538	Meenah: (ah snap its my ancestor. wish i didnt notice her)
45539	Meenah: (must... suppress... urge... to murder her for royal supremacy omg)
45540	Meulin: (^·ω·^) < 333333333!!!!!!!!!
45541	Nepeta: :33 < 333333333!!!!!!!!!
45542	Meulin: (^·o·^)/ < 333333333!!!!!!!!!
45543	Nepeta: :33 < 333333333!!!!!!!!!
45544	Meulin: (=^ω^=) < 333333333!!!!!!!!!
45545	Eridan: wwhoa man could you maybe stop bumpin me wwith your codpiece
45546	Cronus: sorry chief, honest misake. so are you doing anything later?
45547	Eridan: wwait are you actually seriously hittin on me
45548	Eridan: wwoww dude evven i think youre trash
45549	Cronus: im a cool enough cat if you get to know me. you didnt ansvwer the question.
45550	Eridan: sigh fine lets go out on a date i guess. flippin amazin this tragic scenarios wwhat i been reduced to
45551	Meenah: H-EY! everyone stay on the right goddamn sides. cronus im lookin at you
45552	Vriska: Yeah! Nepeta, 8ack in line. You people need to start taking this 8rawl more seriously.
45553	Rufioh: yo my gangstas! d1d 1 hear you were go1ng off to f1ght a ghost k1ll1ng demon...
45554	Rufioh: m1nd 1f 1 tag along... 1've been hop1ng for a chance to put an end to my cruel joke of an ex1stence... haha... bangarang.
45555	Vriska: Hell yes! On this team I have a MAJOR need for expenda8le people.
45556	Meulin: (^·o·^) HORSEBODY!RUFIOH, DON'T BE SUCH A DOWNER! DIDN'T YOU GET THE MEOWMO? THIS IS NOT A CATFIGHT, IT'S A COSTUME PURRTY!!!
45557	Meenah: no no it really is a catfight. or i mean a regular fight... urrgh
45558	Kankri: Meulin, it w9uld 6e great if y9u didn't use this party as a platf9rm t9 engage in suicide shaming. I think Rufi9h is triggered en9ugh as it is having t9 live with the hein9us 69dy 9f a metal h9rse.
45559	Damara: これは何? ハロウィーンの乱交?
45560	Vriska: Are you fuckers deaf???????? This 8n't a party!
45561	Meulin: (^._.^) ...
45562	Porrim: Ho+rrus, yo+ur o+utfit lo+o+ks nice, but so+rry to+ say it was a false alarm. It's no+t a co+ stume party.
45563	Horrus: 8=D < This isn't a costume. I am literally a majestic stallion, and my appearance refle% this noble reality.
45564	Porrim: Ah. Go+tcha. Hey guys, can I be o+n the o+ther team?
45565	Kanaya: Yes!
45566	Meenah: no!!!!!!!!!!
45567	Karkat: THIS GATHERING HAS COMPLETELY BLOWN AWAY MY ABILITY TO TOLERATE STUPIDITY AND AWFULNESS. GET ME THE FUCK OUTTA HERE.
45568	Karkat: GOD DAMN IT. THE CROWD IS GETTING TOO THICK, I CAN'T EVEN GET AWAY FROM THIS SHIT. EVERYBODY FUCKING MOVE!!!
45569	Tavros: eXCUSE ME, oTHER PEOPLE,
45570	Tavros: wHO ARE ME, aND OTHERWISE,
45571	Gamzee: honk.
45572	Tavros: hAVE YOU SEEN, a BEAUTIFUL TREASURE ON THE FLOOR,
45573	Tavros: tHAT IS MORE SPECIFICALLY A RING,
45574	Terezi: K4RK4T, SHUT UP, TH1S 1S GR34T!
45575	Terezi: W3 N33D TO G3T MOR3 P3OPL3 J4MM3D 1NTO TH1S SW33T F1GHTP4RTY M4SQU3R4D3! >:]
45576	Porrim: I saw the cro+wd fro+m way o+ver there. Acco+rding to+ peo+ple o+ut o+n the cusp, this is so+me so+rt o+f co+stume party?
45577	Latula: tru f4ctz grl!!! just j4m yours3lf 1n th3 p1l3, l1k3z th1s!!!
45578	Meenah: ah fuck are people way over there still callin this a party
45579	Aradia: destr0y
45580	Mituna: S0M30N3 15 70U5H1NG M3. 7H15 N33D5 70 570P
45581	Damara: 誰かが私に触れている。続けてください。
45582	Kankri: S9ME9NE IS TRIGGERING ME. THIS NEEDS TO BE TAGGED.
45583	Porrim: Sho+o+sh!
45584	Mituna: 1M 50RRY
45585	Karkat: OH GOD, I CAN HEAR HIM WHINING FROM ALL THE WAY OVER THERE.
45586	Kanaya: Someone Over There Is Probably Making The Same Observation About You
45587	Karkat: YEAH, AND YOUR ANCESTOR IS PROBABLY CHIDING HIM MATERNALLY OVER THERE, JUST LIKE YOU ARE WITH ME. EVER THINK ABOUT THAT??
45588	Kanaya: I'm Sorry
45589	Aradia: kill
45590	Tavros: (wherE, OH, wHERe,)
45591	Sollux: ehehehehe, thii2 party ii2 a fuckiing JOKE.
45592	Meenah: no its a shitty battle royale pass it on you dirtscrapin sack of honey dijon rubbish
45593	Sollux: niice dress, fiin face, olol.
45594	Tavros: (iS, my prEciOUs,)
45595	Vriska: Tavros, stop crawling around under everyone's feet! You're 8eing so weird.
45596	Terezi: Y34H, W3 C4N 4LL H34R YOU WH1SP3R1NG TO YOURS3LF. PR3TTY W31RD, BRO. >:\
45597	Tavros: (none of Them, can uNderstAnd,)
45598	Aradia: destr0y
45599	Rufioh: haha, yo 1 th1nk 1 hear my young ancestor wh1sper1ng from all the way over here... about someth1ng prec1ous... sh*t 1s crazy!
45600	Tavros: (tHe beAUTY, of my PrEcious,)
45601	Horrus: 8=D < It reminds me of when I was similarly sm*tten, and searched everywhere for the perfect snout ring for you, to FORTIFY our commitment. Do you remember, Rufioh?
45602	Rufioh: whoa, yeah! heh, those were the days... (hey doll, m1nd 1f we talk a b1t? 1 ma1nly want to look d1stracted... so the guy w1th the ponyta1l leaves me alone... you d1g?)
45603	Aradia: death t0 all
45604	Rufioh: ahaha... d*mn. so much l1ke the real th1ng 1t's... freaky }:o
45605	Aradia: like what real thing
45606	Rufioh: uh... you know, l1ke...
45607	Aradia: if y0u say like alive aradia i will make y0u BEG f0r a h0rse b0dy
45608	Rufioh: no no, l1ke someone else!!! d*mn... uncanny...
45609	Aradia: 0h 0k
45610	Rufioh: hey, you're pretty cool babe... want to... like... if you aren't doing anything...
45611	Equius: D --> E%cuse me, what is going on over here
45612	Rufioh: (man... not another zahnak! haha, this is f***in crazy...)
45613	Aradia: this guy with the m0hawk was flirting with me and i was being fully receptive to his advances
45614	Rufioh: whoa you were?
45615	Equius: D --> I see. Aradiabot #100502, why must you devastate my pump biscuit so?
45616	Nepeta: :33 < *the pouncellor astutely pawbserves the exchange and updates her shipping grid with startling developments of the heart!*
45617	Equius: D --> Nepeta, stop!
45618	Nepeta: :33 < no!
45619	Equius: D --> Yes
45620	Nepeta: :33 < no
45621	Equius: D --> Yes
45622	Nepeta: :33 < no
45623	Gamzee: HONK
45624	Terezi: MOR3!!! MOR3 1 S4Y!!! 4444H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4!!!!!!!
45625	Tavros: (I FOUND IT!!!) (THE RING!!!)
45626	Meulin: ~(=^··^) < WOW. THAT WHISPER WAS SO LOUD, I THINK EVEN I HEARD IT???
45627	Tavros: (nO, waIt, this iSn't IT,)
45628	Cronus: hey there sport, i think that's my ring you havwe there. ivwe been looking all over for it.
45629	Tavros: oH, oKAY, hERE YOU GO,
45630	Cronus: thank you, friend. thank you so, vwery, vwery, vwery much.
45631	Tavros: oH, wOW,,, tHIS HUG IS LASTING, wAAAAAY TOO LONG,
45632	Vriska: Hey, sketchier Ampora! If you touch him again, I will fucking kill you!
45633	Eridan: owwned
45634	Karkats: I HATE THE AFTERLIFE I HATE THE AFTERLIFE I HATE THE AFTERLIFE I HATE THE AFTERLIFE I HATE THE AFTERLIFE I HATE THE AFTERLIFE I HATE THE AFTERLIFE I HATE THE AFTERLIFE I HATE THE AFTERLIFE I HATE THE AFTERLIFE I HATE THE AFTERLIFE I HATE THE AFTERLIFE I HATE THE AFTERLIFE I HATE THE AFTERLIFE I HATE THE AFTERLIFE I HATE THE AFTERLIFE I HATE THE AFTERLIFE I HATE THE AFTERLIFE I HATE THE AFTERLIFE I HATE THE AFTERLIFE I HATE THE AFTERLIFE I HATE THE AFTERLIFE I HATE THE AFTERLIFE I HATE THE AFTERLIFE I HATE THE AFTERLIFE I HATE THE AFTERLIFE I HATE THE AFTERLIFE I HATE THE AFTERLIFE I HATE THE
45635	Meenah: serket deuce is this bullcarp as aggravatin to you as it is to me
45636	Vriska: At least as much. Probably a lot more.
45637	Meenah: like seariously its so crowded now our faces are literally touching
45638	Meenah: dat cant be right
45639	Vriska: I know. It's getting pretty awkward.
45640	Meenah: lets back these asshats up and get on with our fight
45641	Vriska: Agreed.
45642	Aranea: Listen to me, 8oth of you! This duel is incredi8ly pointless! Surely there is a way for you 8oth to pursue your o8jectives without conflict.
45643	Aranea: In any case, I don't have time to moderate your ridiculous fight. I have a cheru8 to find!!!!!!!!
45644	Vriska: I couldn't agree more! Making him think we're all looking for the cheru8 is a very important part of the plan! I guess gr8 minds think alike.
45645	Aranea: No, 8ut I REALLY AM looking for her!
45646	Vriska: All the 8etter then. That'll really help sell the ruse.
45647	Aranea: It's not a ruse!!!!!!!!
45648	Meenah: classic flavor serket is right tho we are sorta wastin time here
45649	Meenah: lets hurry this up and make it simple
45650	Meenah: if i win then all these dorkwads join my army including you
45651	Meenah: if you win you get all the spoils and go hunt for the treasure
45652	Aranea: And if luck should conspire to make it a draw? ::::)
45653	Meenah: i dunno man
45654	Meenah: then i guess we combine all our plans into one huge clusterfuck plan???
45655	Meenah: like this whole thing aint one big clusterfuck already
45656	Vriska: I will agree to those terms. This is going to be almost too easy.
45657	Meenah: serket the sequel shut your cocky mouth and fight me
45658	Callie: stop, yoU gUys!
45659	END OF ACT 6 ACT 4.
45660	You are now Caliborn.
45661	You needed something to sop up all the blood, so you snatched your sister's fanfic tome for the road. Just by ripping the pages out, you're already giving her dumb stories more attention than they deserve. She's lucky you were in such a pickle for clean towelettes. Ordinarily you wouldn't use this trash to wipe your ass.
45662	But then again, that's only because ordinarily you're chained to the other side of the room.
45663	You captchalogue the tome, savoring the recently acquired freedom of having a fetch modus all to yourself. The idea of storing an object, and then... freely being able to retrieve it any time? Without having to barter with a truculent sibling over a series of inconvenient naps? It's almost too much liberation to fathom. You truly are a free, adult man, and you are so, so proud of yourself.
45664	You love having a dead sister. Having a dead sister is an experience you would highly recommend to everybody.
45665	You are already so far from home. You have never walked so far in your life. At least not while awake. The immovable juju block keeping you shackled to your room was just one of the many banes of your existence.
45666	It's hard being a cherub and growing up with lots of weird magical rules that nobody understands and have no discernible origin or purpose.
45667	It's hard being a cherub and growing up with lots of weird magical rules that nobody understands and have no discernible origin or purpose, and nobody understands.
45668	You peer at your former prison through the scope on your MACHINE GUN. You aren't really supposed to hold the gun by the magazine like that, but whatever.
45669	There's the CRUXTRUDER. It was the only device available to be deployed. You're pretty sure there were supposed to be more devices that went with it. But you guess your game session is a little different?
45670	You were also under the impression there were supposed to be gates directly above your home. But you don't see any. Maybe if you look higher...
45671	Still no gates. But there's Skaia, all clouded over. You like it much better that way.
45672	And there's Prospit in close orbit. That's where your dead sister's murdered dream torso is. You wonder if the kingdom has gotten around to having a... what do the humans call it again? You forget. Some sort of ludicrous cadaver festival. Just the typical kind of sentimental horseshit cooked up by races of people who actually live in each other's proximity. They often exhibit such bizarre tendencies that result from esoteric things like "culture" and "tradition." Aliens are so strange.
45673	You guess Jack Noir could still be up there too. You'll have to catch up with him later for a debriefing. He has been very useful. You may need his service again some time.
45674	Until then, it seems there is nothing to do but keep exploring. There are no signs of anyone or anything interesting on this planet, except of course the same hideous statues which littered your homeworld. You can't seem to shake these godawful things, even by fleeing to another realm. You don't know what they are, but you suspect that once in an ancient civilization they were probably symbols of tyranny and oppression.
45675	Now that you think about it, you believe your entire planet may have been sucked into the Medium, not just the cruddy statues. The landscape is very similar, minus the bright red glow from the supergiant. Add one more item to the list of things you don't understand. You thought you were going to be sent to a cool new planet, unique to you and your adventure. Some sort of amazing new magical place you could conquer, not the same old barren ball of shit you grew up on. At least that is what Calliope had you believing. You think she was probably a liar, or just really stupid. Or both, times infinity.
45676	You keep walking.
45677	And walking.
45678	Yeah.
45679	You're not going to lie.
45680	This place is boring as hell.
45681	You were hoping for a lot more out of this adventure. But no.
45682	The wasteland is empty. Banality skims the void where a proper fucking adventure should be, as if grazing the stab wound of a murdered sister, or say, a toppled sarswapagus. A stupid note is produced. It's the one assholes play to make their audience start punching themselves in the crotch repeatedly.
45683	Today is your first predomination day, and as with all zero preceding it, something feels...
45684	Something feels
45685	Er.
45686	What
45687	What are you looking at?
45688	Look.
45689	No wait. Don't look. Just...
45690	Listen.
45691	You don't have time for fancy poetry. It's almost as useless as having your thoughts dictated to you, assuming you were even aware of that happening, which you definitely aren't. Cherubs aren't prone to that kind of self awareness. No way, absolutely not. Yes, you believe that thought. The one you had just now, by your own volition, and now it's true reality. See? Yes, you agree totally with that thought you had.
45692	Frankly you don't know about stuff skimming holes or alertness to some purely hypothetical flow of narrative or whatever. You've got MAJOR PSYCHOLOGICAL PROBLEMS. You were meant to be a monster. To destroy something huge and really important, perhaps repeatedly, and to be a total shithead about it. You just haven't found the road that'll take you there yet. Somewhere in this depressing empty lot of a session there is a quest waiting for you. You are determined to squeeze more blood from this pathetic stone than all the naturally occurring puppets in paradox space keep in their squishy little torsos combined.
45693	You stew in your own quasi-lucid hostility as you think this very thought. The one right here, that feels like it's being dictated to you, you think. You think it feels that way, so you guess it's true. But we previously agreed that you were the sole author of your own thoughts, didn't we? That's the thought you should be thinking, and more importantly, believing in as hard as you can, thus slightly reducing its stubborn fakeness attribute. You then think the word, HUH? That doesn't sound like a thought you would have, you think to yourself thoughtfully. What the fuck? But seriously, you've got to stop this. If you keep thinking thoughts like this, you'll probably start going crazy. And if you start going crazy, this desolate one player session will start to feel a lot longer than it's already going to, and more specifically, than it already did. Still, you can't quite shake the feeling.
45694	You have a feeling it's already been a long--Hey!
45695	What's that over there?? That looks like a GREAT thing to distract you from your awareness-addled reverie.
45696	It's some kind of blinking light, far off in the distance. It may be part of something else, like a larger structure. But it's so far away, the light is all you can see.
45697	You have a feeling it's going to be a long walk.
45698	Hold on. Another distraction happens to distract you from your previous distraction.
45699	Really? A distraction to distract you from a distraction? You sure have some dumb thoughts. Whatever dude. It's your brain.
45700	Someone is contacting you. But you don't remember bringing a computer with you.
45701	Oh, right. It's your sister's computer, still stored in your shared sylladex. You never understood what a kid chained to her bedroom needed with a portable computer. It made you mad how stupid that was.
45702	You take a look at the message. Yes, just as you thought. That plastered floozy is spouting her nonsense again. It looks like your sister told the human her name? That is a clear and egregious violation of the rules. She must have been getting really desperate.
45703	The joke is on the human though. She's trying to wake up a dead girl.
45704	It seems their session is still completely blacked out. What a bummer. Where's the fun in harassing these losers when you can't see them?
45705	Maybe it's time you left them all behind anyway. You don't have the patience for games with idiots anymore. There are much bigger things on the horizon for you.
45706	TG: psst hey calliopes bro
45707	TG: i got
45708	TG: a secret message 4 u
45709	TG: it is
45710	TG: ehehm
45711	TG: CALLIOPE
45712	TG: ....
45713	TG: sooooooooo
45714	TG: did that work
45715	TG: calliope calliope calliope
45716	TG: is 3 times the charm
45717	TG: come onnnnn
45718	TG: wake up sleepy head!
45719	TG: le
45720	TG: SIGN
45721	TG: maybe youre just afk?
45722	TG: i hope ur dumb POS brother doesnt end up reading this instead
45723	TG: man i wish you would wake up
45724	TG: rly wanna talk to a friend about everything that just happened
45725	TG: i mean another friend who is not part and parcel to my 3 bffs ridorkulous nonsense
45726	TG: guess ill just give u the scoop on the haps for whenever you wake up
45727	TG: so yeah we all finally entered our game
45728	TG: i think i was being the worst kind of turd 4 opposing the idea so long
45729	TG: guess i thought i was being noble
45730	TG: like sacrificing something that was important and we all wanted anyways just so i could fuck with the witch and her plans
45731	TG: but i dunno what i was thinking
45732	TG: cause this shit here is p great i have got to say
45733	TG: now we are all of the sudden in this crazy place full of pretty green hills and a black empty sky
45734	TG: i never actually seen anything like plants growin or a country side
45735	TG: its so peaceful and quiet here
45736	TG: i mean the racket my loudmouth pals are makin notwithstanding
45737	TG: we are just chilling at jakes old broken house on a mountain figuring what to do
45738	TG: lol this all happened so fuckin fast!
45739	TG: i cant believe were all together like this suddenly
45740	TG: just
45741	TG: hangin out
45742	TG: in actual person
45743	TG: in our moon jammies
45744	TG: this is better than i ever thought it would be in the silliest and stupidest way
45745	TG: it feels so surreal and amazing just being here with my friends
45746	TG: im still not even sure how this all came together
45747	TG: mostly a lotta machiavellian/heroic XTREME STRIDER BULLSHIT
45748	TG: like i was under attack there
45749	TG: my colony was burning
45750	TG: and i remember dying
45751	TG: and i think jane must have died too?
45752	TG: she was on derse but i have no idea how she got there
45753	TG: i dunno if jake died too or what
45754	TG: all i know is ppl were just dying their asses off left and right
45755	TG: the b line is we were all in some shit
45756	TG: dirk i think must have killed himself and like shipped his own head to jake on makeout mountain
45757	TG: but dirk also kissed me it would seem
45758	TG: while i was too dead to notice UNFORTUNATELY :c
45759	TG: but then i woke up on derse which was gettin worked over by the red shit too
45760	TG: and there jane was
45761	TG: all lyin there bloodily and heart breakingly and probably dead
45762	TG: so
45763	TG: i knew i had to kiss her
45764	TG: but
45765	TG: god i feel so pathetic but i just couldnt do it for some reason?
45766	TG: i wanted to but i guess the blood grossed me out and im a total disgrace of a friend
45767	TG: i dont think ill tell her because its too embarrassing
45768	TG: then dirk wakes up and kicks my squeamish butt out the way and kisses her even in spite of his superhuman gayness because he sucks less as a hero
45769	TG: and then were blasting off suddenly on his fuckin rocket and i dont even KNOW whats happening but its all so awesome and we scoot by somewhere and pick jane up in her yellow dress and now SHES flying with us screamin the whole time hahahaha
45770	TG: and then we get to jakes place and shit everywhere is on fire and hes asleep there so dirk splashes him with a bucket of ocean and tells me and jane to hide??
45771	TG: so we do and jake wakes up and starts arguing with dirks gross head from the fucking future and climbs up on this stone wall for some reason and just starts making out with the head while the volcano explodes???
45772	TG: jane and i are like what the absolute FUCK while dirks just there with his bucket all like 'yup'
45773	TG: then we ollied out of that popsicle stand so now here we are
45774	TG: wow
45775	TG: that story is a goddamn mess
45776	TG: what did i even just say
45777	TG: i dunno
45778	TG: ill try to make better sense of all this later
45779	TG: i just wanted to tell you
45780	TG: and thank you for all you did to bring us together like this
45781	TG: it has meant so v much 2 me
45782	TG: oh guess what i even have a new lightning bug pal!
45783	TG: he is toties cute + friendly + blinky as all getout
45784	TG: i think i will name him
45785	TG: doctor blinkbottom
45786	TG: no thats shit
45787	TG: how about
45788	TG: twinkly herbert
45789	TG: lmfao that is kinda sucky too
45790	TG: but i like it
45791	TG: so i am a keep it
45792	TG: herbert just blinked in total agreement omg what a friend
45793	TG: ok calliope
45794	TG: by which i mean.......
45795	TG: CALLIOPE
45796	TG: eh?
45797	TG: ehhh???
45798	TG: still nothin?
45799	TG: k well i should go then
45800	TG: my party is getting a lit bit rowdy over there
45801	TG: oh my god what are they actually doing
45802	TG: not even ten stinkin mins into our magic bestfriendquest and theyre already jacking up the drama
45803	TG: need to flag down the dramambulance
45804	TG: haul these fuckers away
45805	TG: wow they are really being so absurd
45806	TG: maybe its just cause im not tipsy atm but this shit is like hells of amateur hour to me r now
45807	TG: maybe if i wasnt as sober as a nun gettin slapped by a librarian i wouldnt even notice?
45808	TG: fa reals tho may i just say
45809	TG: dying is a hell of a way to sober up quick
45810	TG: got 2 remember that trick
45811	TG: so hey wake up soon!!
45812	TG: i will try again later
45813	TG: must deal w some shit now
45814	TG: urgh
45815	TG: i think
45816	TG: i could use a drink
45817	Caliborn.
45818	Caliborn what are you doing.
45819	Stop it.
45820	You finish brutally gunning down a semi-innocent clown for like five solid minutes and turn your attention toward this mysterious tower. What the hell is this thing? Maybe that clown could have helped you understand what you're supposed to do in this empty wasteland, but no, you had better ideas. And all of them were bullets.
45821	You just think you can figure everything out by yourself, don't you? Who needs friends and allies, right? Friendship and allegiance are emotions for dipshits like humans and trolls. You really are quite full of yourself, you think. Yes, you just thought that. No, don't resist the thought you just had. You thought it, and you can't unthink it. You also think you are a mean little prick. You had that thought all by yourself, totally unprompted, and it is causing you to reflect on a lifetime spent being petulant and awful. Wait no, on second thought you don't think that. You have no remorse and you think you're great. No, you don't think you're great. You think you suck, and you regret slaughtering that juggalo. Please do not argue with your own brain. That's what a lunatic does.
45822	You are really upset that you killed that sweet helpful bard. No, don't pretend you aren't. He only wanted to be your guide. Would that have been so bad, you wonder? You wonder this to yourself while a tear rolls down your stupid red cheek. You turn away so that no one can see you cry, but you let out a muffled sob and everyone can tell how sad you are.
45823	HEY.
45824	VOICE IN MY HEAD.
45825	Yes?
45826	SHUT UP.
45827	No way!
45828	Then who would describe what you're thinking and feeling?
45829	NOBODY.
45830	I CAN THINK MY OWN THOUGHTS JUST FINE.
45831	THEY ARE LESS STUPID AND CONDESCENDING. THAN THE THOUGHTS YOU TELL MY BRAIN TO HAVE.
45832	But your thoughts are shitty!
45833	You should be grateful to have someone to spice them up for you.
45834	NO. WHAT'S SHITTY. IS YOU.
45835	AND WHAT'S ALSO SHITTY IS THIS SHITTY PIECE OF SHIT MACHINE YOU LIVE INSIDE.
45836	I don't live inside this thing, you idiot.
45837	This is just sort of like a radio tower. It receives and transmits signals.
45838	That's kind of obvious?
45839	IT'S NOT OBVIOUS. IT'S DUMB AND CONFUSING.
45840	I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON.
45841	TELL ME.
45842	Gamzee could have told you a lot of stuff.
45843	WHO??
45844	I can't believe you shot him like that. What's the matter with you?
45845	He was literally the first living being you ever met in your whole life, and you gun him down without a single word?
45846	You've got some problems.
45847	OH. THE CLOWN.
45848	HE WAS DREADFUL AND PURPLE AND NEEDED TO BE EXTERMINATED QUICKLY.
45849	He was a huge fan of yours and was really looking forward to meeting you.
45850	He wanted to help you with your quest.
45851	THIS IS MY PLANET. NO ONE ELSE CAN LIVE HERE. I DON'T NEED HELP.
45852	Yet you want me to tell you what's going on?
45853	YES. TELL ME IMMEDIATELY.
45854	Nah.
45855	AUGH.
45856	What?
45857	I'M GETTING FRUSTRATED. BOTH BY YOU. AND THIS FUCKING KEYBOARD.
45858	What's the matter with it?
45859	IT'S MAKING IT IMPOSSIBLE TO TYPE MY QUIRK.
45860	No it's not.
45861	YES. THE CAPS LOCK KEY APPEARS TO BE PERMANENTLY DEPRESSED.
45862	HOW DO I MAKE IT NOT LIKE THAT.
45863	It's locked.
45864	You need a key to unlock it.
45865	You need keys to unlock a whole bunch of features on this tower.
45866	WHERE IS THE KEY.
45867	How should I know???
45868	BECAUSE YOU ARE AN INFURIATING FONT OF KNOWLEDGE ABOUT MANY THINGS. INCLUDING MY OWN BRAIN BEHAVIORS.
45869	Why should I tell you everything?
45870	Find your own fucking keys. It's your quest, remember?
45871	NO, BUT TYPING LIKE THIS IS BAD.
45872	IT'S REALLY THROWING ME OFF.
45873	I don't understand the problem.
45874	I CAN'T MAKE MY U'S LITTLE.
45875	No, I got that. But caps lock should make it easier.
45876	You do realize when caps lock is on, you can hold down shift to make letters lower case, right?
45877	WHAT.
45878	NO.
45879	I DON'T USE CAPS LOCK. I THOUGHT IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE A TRAINING KEY FOR RETARDS.
45880	A training key?
45881	MAYBE ALSO FOR GIRLS. FOR WHEN THEY GET HYSTERICAL AND MAKE THEIR LETTERS SHOUT.
45882	Ok, got it. Really great theories there.
45883	So... how do you usually type then?
45884	JUST. NEVER MIND.
45885	Hang on. Are you saying you hold down shift with one hand, while hunting and pecking for all the letters with the other?
45886	And whenever you type a 'u' you just let go of shift??
45887	I SAID NEVER MIND.
45888	Wow.
45889	OK LOOK.
45890	I CAN ACKNOWLEDGE THAT THE METHOD YOU PROPOSED IS A LOT MORE EFFICIENT AND SENSIBLE.
45891	I JUST HAVE MY OWN STYLE.
45892	THAT I'M COMFORTABLE WITH.
45893	AND ALSO.
45894	I JUST NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT.
45895	How old were you again?
45896	FUCK YOU.
45897	OK, THE THING IS.
45898	DON'T TELL ANYBODY I SAID THIS.
45899	BUT.
45900	I'VE ALWAYS HAD A LOT OF TROUBLE.
45901	AT.
45902	LEARNING STUFF.
45903	Yeah.
45904	I know.
45905	FUCK IT.
45906	I'LL JUST TYPE IN ALL BIG LETTERS. EVEN THE U'S. WHO CARES.
45907	Aw, looks like someone just took his first big step toward growing up!
45908	ACTUALLY, TYPING THIS WAY IS A LOT EASIER. LOOKS LIKE I WIN THIS ROUND ASSHOLE.
45909	Win what? I was the one advocating the use of caps lock in the first place, doofus.
45910	DON'T ANTAGONIZE ME. YOU AREN'T A FUNNY PERSON.
45911	I CAN TELL YOU THINK YOU'RE FUNNY. I MAY HAVE PROBLEMS LEARNING.
45912	BUT I KNOW WHEN A PIECE OF GARBAGE IS TRYING TO BE FUNNY. UNSUCCESSFULLY.
45913	You're right. I do think I'm funny sometimes. Maybe I'm wrong though.
45914	HAHA! YOU ARE. JUST A WRONG AND UNFUNNY GUY.
45915	We all have our flaws to overcome. I do my best, just like you.
45916	Think of all you've done in spite of your learning problems. You don't let your disability hold you back, do you?
45917	I GUESS.
45918	You won that game of chess with that stupid gambit. Switching the hats, remember? It was a lame ploy, and totally not in the spirit of the rules, but it got under her skin enough to force a loss anyway.
45919	You also hired Jack to murder your sister. Which was a dick move, but reasonably clever.
45920	YES.
45921	THOSE THINGS I DID WERE GREAT.
45922	Well, they weren't great so much as terrible. But the point is you can accomplish anything if you put your mind to it.
45923	Just because you struggle with learning doesn't mean you can't realize your destiny. You just have to work a little harder at it.
45924	And if you're dealt a lousy hand - and you definitely were with this shitty solo session - then you have to work even harder.
45925	THAT'S WHAT I'M GOING TO DO.
45926	I know you will.
45927	You are going to prove all the haters wrong, exceed your own limitations by miles, and accomplish more than you ever dreamed possible.
45928	Yours is quite an inspiring story, actually. It's just a shame that all of your accomplishments will be so horrible.
45929	But that's really beside the point.
45930	YEAH, I ALREADY KNEW I WAS INCREDIBLE AND SPECIAL.
45931	WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO. INSPIRE ME. SAVE YOUR BREATH FUCKHEAD.
45932	No, I don't give a shit about making you feel better about yourself.
45933	I'm not your guardian or your sprite or your exile or your fucking life coach. I'm just saying some things that are true through the narrative prompt.
45934	Take the facts or leave them!
45935	MOST OF YOUR FACTS ARE BORING SO FAR.
45936	I WOULD LIKE BETTER AND MORE USEFUL FACTS. RIGHT NOW.
45937	You may be destined for bigger things, but you're still an atrocious, stupid child.
45938	And you may have won the "game" with your sister, but that doesn't mean it was the best thing for your development as a person.
45939	You had her dream self killed, which is not an opportunity your species typically gets. So she died prematurely, instead of allowing the conflict within you to settle itself naturally.
45940	In short, you forced your predomination to happen a little too early, and now you're stuck.
45941	STUCK?
45942	Yes. Your personality is stuck in some sort of cantankerous prepubescent limbo. You are going to be a stunted, miserable tool forever.
45943	WELL, HOW LONG WAS I EVEN SUPPOSED TO WAIT. FOR THAT TWEE BITCH TO GET OUT OF MY SKULL.
45944	It's kind of sad. You don't really know anything about your own species, do you?
45945	AND I GUESS YOU DO?
45946	Uh, yeah?
45947	Pretty much everything.
45948	TELL ME THEN.
45949	No.
45950	GOD. DAMN IT.
45951	THIS DIALOGUE IS GIVING ME A HEADACHE.
45952	BETWEEN YOUR PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE OBSTINACY.
45953	AND YOUR BIZARRE MOTIVATIONAL DIATRIBES.
45954	AND THE FACT.
45955	THAT I'M HAVING A HARD TIME TELLING OUR TEXT APART?
45956	What?
45957	You are?
45958	KIND OF.
45959	Well, here's a hint. You're the one typing in capital letters.
45960	You're also the one typing in surly, brief, stilted sounding phrases.
45961	NO, BUT THE COLORS ARE TOO SIMILAR.
45962	I KNOW THAT SOME LETTERS ARE BIG. AND SOME ARE SMALL. HOW DUMB DO YOU THINK I AM.
45963	I JUST HAVE AN EASIER TIME THINKING IN COLORS.
45964	What does that even mean, "thinking in colors?"
45965	I TOLD YOU. MY BRAIN WORKS DIFFERENTLY, SO SHUT UP.
45966	Well, if you want to change your text color, you can if you turn on some of these monitors.
45967	This thing is like a needlessly complicated desktop computer, really.
45968	Made of a radio tower tree of old CRT monitors, rooted in a big transformer.
45969	It needs a power though.
45970	HOW DO I POWER IT.
45971	See that loose plug there?
45972	OH. FUCK.
45973	Plug it into something.
45974	WHAT A LOAD OF SHIT. THAT CORD IS SO SHORT. WHAT CAN IT EVEN REACH?
45975	I dunno. Not my problem.
45976	MAYBE IF I PULL IT REALLY HARD.
45977	I CAN STRETCH IT FAR ENOUGH. TO PLUG IT INTO THAT FUCKING ROCK OVER THERE???
45978	THIS IS BEYOND ASININE.
45979	This is your quest.
45980	In quests, there are challenges.
45981	Challenges which must be overcome by your tiny, learningly-disabled brain.
45982	I HATE YOU.
45983	What you really need is a guide.
45984	A mentor, of sorts.
45985	Too bad you shot that clown.
45986	STOP TOUTING THE WISDOM OF THAT IMBECILE WITH THE DISTURBING UNDERPANTS.
45987	THE ONLY THING HE HAS TAUGHT ME. IS HOW TO RECEIVE HUNDREDS OF BULLETS THROUGH THE TORSO. IN THE LEAST DIGNIFIED MANNER POSSIBLE.
45988	AND ALSO. A CRASH COURSE IN DYING A PAINFUL DEATH. HOPEFULLY.
45989	Sorry to disappoint you.
45990	He's not dead.
45991	WHAT.
45992	What did you expect? He's clearly a god tier.
45993	BULLSHIT.
45994	Haven't you ever seen a god tier before?
45995	You do know what that is, right?
45996	YES, I KNOW WHAT THAT IS.
45997	Then you know he's immortal, and can only die under very specific circumstances.
45998	Guess there's no point in trying to kill him!
45999	BUT HIS WINGS FELL OFF!
46000	I SAW THEM FALL OFF.
46001	Hmm.
46002	Yeah. I guess they did.
46003	So?
46004	SO. I THINK. HE'S PROBABLY FAKING.
46005	Oh please. Paranoid much??
46006	Why would anyone go to that kind of trouble? What would be the point?
46007	He would have to be such a jackass to do that.
46008	I DON'T KNOW WHY HE'S FAKING.
46009	I JUST KNOW THOSE WINGS WERE BOGUS PIECES OF SHIT. THAT WERE LIKE. STRAPPED ON.
46010	WHICH MEANS. HE IS A FRAUD.
46011	If you don't believe me, just see for yourself.
46012	HUH?
46013	You made the rookie mistake of turning your back on the body.
46014	OH MY GOD.
46015	HOW CAN HE POSSIBLY STILL BE ALIVE???
46016	See? Fit as a fiddle. Barely a scratch on him!
46017	Just please don't shoot him again, ok?
46018	WHY. IF YOU SAY HE'S IMMORTAL. THEN IT SHOULDN'T MATTER, RIGHT.
46019	Yeah, I know what I said.
46020	Alright, maybe he's not god tier. Who can really say for sure?
46021	Just try giving the machine gun a rest for a while. He really wants to help you!
46022	I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY THIS FUCKER WON'T DIE.
46023	He's a hilarious, rascally clown!
46024	You know how it is with clowns.
46025	NO??
46026	They are notoriously difficult to kill for reasons that basically don't make any sense.
46027	I'm personally not aware of a single timeline in which this codpiece packing moron dies.
46028	WHAT. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN.
46029	It means you can't keep down the clown.
46030	??????
46031	Say it with me.
46032	"You can't keep down the clown."
46033	NO, I WON'T SAY THAT.
46034	SAY IT!
46035	"You can't..."
46036	GO FUCK YOURSELF. JUST TELL ME WHAT IT MEANS.
46037	It means crazy clowns just won't die for some reason. In adventures such as yours, they tend to linger long past their welcome.
46038	They linger and linger and linger, and just when you think you're totally fed up with their bullshit and you can't take another second of it, they just linger some more.
46039	And you never know what they're up to, and they're always scheming in the shadows, and it's quite possible that whatever master plan they're hatching just doesn't make the slightest bit of sense at all.
46040	But it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter how stupid the clown's schemes are, or how sick of him everybody is.
46041	He just. Won't. Die.
46042	THIS IS. HONESTLY? THE WORST SALES PITCH FOR A MENTOR. THAT I HAVE EVER READ.
46043	Granted!
46044	But come on. Just let it slide this one time? Please?
46045	Just no more shooting. You can slap him around if you want. That's fine. But shooting is off limits.
46046	WHY.
46047	Because you can't kill him! He's the most important character in...
46048	IN WHAT.
46049	Well, ok. Maybe not the MOST important.
46050	But he's still really important!
46051	I SERIOUSLY THINK. YOU'VE BEEN MOSTLY FUCKING WITH ME.
46052	No way!
46053	Ok, shhhh! Shh. He's approaching you.
46054	Come on man, be cool. Let's just see how this plays out.
46055	It looks like he's got a present for you! Ooh, I wonder what it could be...
46056	You mother fucker.
46057	HE LOOKED AT ME FUNNY.
46058	Yeah.
46059	Want to know why?
46060	BECAUSE HE'S A FUCKING CLOWN.
46061	DO NOT TYPE IN BIG LETTERS. IT CONFUSES ME.
46062	Why do you have to be like this?
46063	Why can't you just be down with the clown?
46064	I DON'T KNOW.
46065	I LIKE SHOOTING HIM.
46066	HE JUST HAS THIS. PERFECTLY SHOOTABLE TORSO.
46067	HEY. WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS HORRENDOUS MUSIC.
46068	What. You don't like it?
46069	IT IS WITHOUT A DOUBT. CAUSING ME MORE PAIN. THAN WHATEVER THIS UNKILLABLE CLOWN IS FEELING RIGHT NOW.
46070	Well, whenever you shoot the clown, I play the elevator music.
46071	OH FUCK. NO!
46072	That's the deal.
46073	Either shoot the clown and face the music, or put on your fucking big boy suspenders and stop trying to murder him.
46074	ALRIGHT. WHATEVER.
46075	I FIND YOUR STIPULATION TO BE TYRANNICAL. BUT FINE.
46076	Just plug the thing in the goddamn box already.
46077	ALRIGHT.
46078	NOW WHAT.
46079	Now all the monitors have power.
46080	Each one is set to a different channel. But they won't display anything unless they're unlocked.
46081	You unlock them by finding the right keys and using them on that little model of the radio tower next to you.
46082	One of them is unlocked for you already. Can you see it up there?
46083	YES. YES! I CAN SEE IT.
46084	IT IS A VIEW OF MY DEAD SISTER. WHAT A BEAUTIFUL SIGHT.
46085	SHE REALLY MAKES. A MORE BREATHTAKING CORPSE. THAN I EVER IMAGINED.
46086	Whatever you say, weirdo.
46087	Anyway, it's like I said. This is a glorified computer. If you want to change your text color, you can sample some pixels from the display.
46088	THIS IS PERFECT.
46089	I WAS INTENDING ON USING HER PUTRID GREEN BLOOD. TO COLOR MY TEXT.
46090	Were you?
46091	YES. IT WAS GOING TO BE LIKE. PAINTING MY WORDS IN HER BLOOD. AS A TOKEN OF MY RUTHLESS TRIUMPH.
46092	THEN ON THE NEXT TIME I WAS GOING TO HARASS SOMEBODY. IT WAS GOING TO BE ALL LIKE. LOOK WHO WON. IT'S JUST ME NOW.
46093	AND I WOULD JUST BE LIKE. NOW WHAT'S UP. *BITCHES*.
46094	IT WAS GOING TO BE.
46095	SOOOO.
46096	*BAAAAAADASSSS*.
46097	Ok.
46098	ALSO. THIS IS A FUNNY COINCIDENCE. BUT I WAS ALSO BATTING AROUND THE IDEA.
46099	OF STEALING HER BIG U'S ANYWAY?
46100	I MEAN. AS ANOTHER KIND OF TROPHY. TO LET PEOPLE KNOW. I'M WHOLE. AND THE BEST SIBLING IS IN CHARGE NOW.
46101	I WAS ON THE FENCE ABOUT DOING THAT THOUGH. BUT I GUESS YOUR STUPID LOCKED KEYBOARD. MAYBE FORCED THE ISSUE.
46102	BUT I'LL JUST SAY BADASSERY WAS THE REASON. AND OMIT THE TEDIOUS ANECDOTE ABOUT THE KEYBOARD.
46103	SO YEAH.
46104	Then let's consider this a serendipitous facilitation of all your most juvenile typing fantasies.
46105	Let nobody henceforth mistake you for a guy who isn't trying as hard as he can to type like a cold blooded motherfucker.
46106	YES. THAT'S WHAT I WANT.
46107	Great. Now grab that mouse there and pick a new color.
46108	EXCUSE ME.
46109	WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS.
46110	It's a wireless mouse.
46111	NO. IT'S THIS AWFUL KIND OF MOUSE.
46112	THE KIND WITH THE GLOSSY ORB. I HATE THESE.
46113	Yeah, trackballs are pretty terrible. Can't argue there.
46114	MY THUMB CLAW IS KIND OF. SLIPPING ON THE SHINY BALL.
46115	THIS IS INCREDIBLY DIFFICULT TO OPERATE.
46116	I really don't envy your situation.
46117	ALSO. THIS IS AN AWKWARD VANTAGE.
46118	IF I WANT TO USE THE MOUSE AND LOOK AT THE SCREEN. I HAVE TO STRETCH MY ARM REALLY FAR.
46119	AND KIND OF TWIST MY BODY. TO LOOK AROUND THE CORNER. LIKE THIS.
46120	Well, maybe that's why it's a wireless mouse?
46121	So you can pick it up and walk around the tower, and use it on whichever monitor you want.
46122	BUT I CAN'T MOVE IT.
46123	Pardon?
46124	IT'S STUCK.
46125	WHY IS THE MOUSE STUCK.
46126	Probably because it's welded to the counter.
46127	ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS.
46128	Yes.
46129	I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS.
46130	WHAT SORT OF ASSHOLE. WOULD SET UP A WIRELESS MOUSE.
46131	AND THEN WELD IT TO THE COUNTER.
46132	That's a hell of a question.
46133	OHHH.
46134	OHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
46135	I AM SO. SO. PISSED OFF AT THIS.
46136	WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS NIGHTMARE.
46137	I dunno.
46138	Someone who thought it would be funny watching you struggle with a shitty trackball mouse welded to a counter?
46139	I DEMAND TO KNOW.
46140	WAS IT YOU.
46141	IT WAS YOU. WASN'T IT.
46142	Maybe.
46143	MARK MY WORDS. WHOEVER YOU ARE.
46144	SOME DAY I WILL TRACK YOU DOWN. AND KILL YOU.
46145	You already did.
46146	LIAR.
46147	It's true. It already happened in like the quasi-future.
46148	UH. WHAT.
46149	For someone who's supposed to be a Lord of Time, you really kind of suck at thinking 4th dimensionally.
46150	Let alone 5th dimensionally.
46151	You've got a long way to go, kid.
46152	QUIET. YOUR NONSENSE IS DISTRACTING.
46153	OK. THERE.
46154	WAIT.
46155	THIS COLOR IS ALL WRONG. IT'S TOO MUDDY.
46156	Yeah. The environment is pretty grim up there.
46157	Skaia doesn't provide very good lighting when it's all clouded over like that.
46158	Just bump up the brightness on the display.
46159	OK. HOW'S THIS.
46160	That looks better.
46161	Wait, let me check.
46162	Ok, yeah. #2ed73a. That's correct.
46163	WHAT.
46164	That's the hex code for the color.
46165	WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT.
46166	It's the numerical representation of the color in hexadecimal format.
46167	OK. SO??
46168	So I was just double checking to make sure it was right.
46169	AND.
46170	It was right.
46171	THIS IS A PARTICULARLY AGGRAVATING TANGENT. TO AN ALREADY GHASTLY CONVERSATION.
46172	I'M DEFINITELY GOING TO FIGURE OUT WHO YOU ARE. AND HOW TO KILL YOU.
46173	But Caliborn.
46174	How do you expect to kill me...
46175	When I am already dead!
46176	Hahahahahaha, oh man.
46177	HOW IT IS ACTUALLY POSSIBLE.
46178	FOR SOMEONE TO BE THIS OBNOXIOUS AND UNFUNNY???
46179	I don't know.
46180	Maybe it's a miracle?
46181	STOP FUCKING WITH ME.
46182	I'M SERIOUS.
46183	Oh no. He's serious everybody. Look out.
46184	He's about to throw the tweeniest, brattiest tantrum his little green exoskeleton can muster.
46185	STOP IT.
46186	If you pitch a fit in your little bow tie and suspenders, it will probably be so adorable that I might just drop dead anyway.
46187	Or my ghost will.
46188	FUCK YOU.
46189	NOW I KNOW YOU'RE FULL OF SHIT.
46190	GHOSTS CAN'T DIE. THAT MAKES NO SENSE.
46191	No really, go ahead. Flutter your eyelashes at me. Make it as grumpy as possible.
46192	Kawaii me to double death bro!
46193	I'M SO CLOSE. TO JUST. WREAKING MAYHEM.
46194	ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING WITHIN MY TANTRUM RADIUS.
46195	IF YOU DON'T STOP TEASING ME. AND START BEING USEFUL TO MY QUEST AGAIN.
46196	Wait! Shhh, settle down. Something important is happening.
46197	WHAT.
46198	The clown! He wants to give you another present.
46199	OH GOD.
46200	But seriously, this present is really important.
46201	Just turn around and receive it graciously from your new mentor.
46202	HE'S NOT MY MENTOR.
46203	And remember. No more clown shootings, or I play the music again.
46204	UGH.
46205	WHAT IS THAT.
46206	What does it look like?
46207	It's a magic crowbar.
46208	WHY IS HE GIVING IT TO ME.
46209	I'm not sure.
46210	I THOUGHT YOU KNEW EVERYTHING.
46211	I know a lot of things. But I don't always understand his motivation for doing the stupid things he does.
46212	WHY NOT.
46213	I just don't.
46214	Like one time? He sold a girl some potions. I have no idea why he did that.
46215	POTIONS?
46216	Yes potions.
46217	He also threw some corpses into a sprite to revive them, and fused their identities to create a disturbing freak of nature.
46218	I'm still not really sure why he did that. Probably just to fuck with everybody.
46219	WHAT CORPSES.
46220	It doesn't matter what corpses. Just some corpses, ok?
46221	The point is, he probably didn't even have any reason for doing it. He was just being weird and capricious.
46222	But that doesn't mean it didn't end up serving an important purpose anyway.
46223	After the fused corpse sprite exploded, both of their ghosts got fed up and decided to start working together.
46224	And now they're doing some important stuff in the afterlife. But I kind of doubt this clown had any idea that would happen.
46225	Or maybe he did? Who really knows with clowns.
46226	HOLY FUCK. WHO CARES ABOUT THIS.
46227	WHAT ABOUT THE CROWBAR.
46228	What about it?
46229	YOU SAID IT WAS IMPORTANT.
46230	It is important.
46231	But I don't know if HE knows that.
46232	I BET THAT CROWBAR IS A USELESS PIECE OF GARBAGE. I WILL NOT ACCEPT IT.
46233	Maybe he heard you bitching about the wireless mouse being welded to the counter, and he's giving you something to pry it off with?
46234	OH. RIGHT.
46235	MAYBE THAT'S IT.
46236	But that's not why it's important.
46237	THEN WHY.
46238	You know how at the start of an adventure, you find some seemingly trivial thing that turns out to be important later?
46239	But at the time you have no idea why or how it'll turn out to be important?
46240	YEAH.
46241	It's like that.
46242	THAT DOESN'T EXPLAIN ANYTHING.
46243	It explains everything.
46244	WHAT'S MAGIC ABOUT IT. WHAT DOES IT DO.
46245	I'm not telling.
46246	TELL ME WHAT I'M SUPPOSED TO DO WITH IT.
46247	No.
46248	YES.
46249	Just take the damn crowbar.
46250	OK. FINE.
46251	I THINK I AM DEVELOPING A PREMONITION.
46252	ABOUT WHY THIS IS IMPORTANT. AND WHAT I'M SUPPOSED TO DO WITH IT.
46253	Really?
46254	YES. IT'S GOING TO HAPPEN REALLY SOON!
46255	I CAN FEEL IT.
46256	Wait, what are you...
46257	Hey! Stop that.
46258	What did I say??
46259	YOU SAID SHOOTING THE CLOWN WAS OFF LIMITS.
46260	BUT I AM STILL PERMITTED TO SMACK HIM AROUND.
46261	I'M JUST FOLLOWING THE RULES.
46262	That's true.
46263	Ok. I'll allow this.
46264	YESSSSS!
46265	YOU PIECE OF SHIT!!!!!!!!!
46266	I stopped allowing it.
46267	I THINK YOU MUST HAVE MENTAL PROBLEMS.
46268	ONES THAT ARE WORSE THAN MINE, I MEAN.
46269	I just want you to be friends with him, and stop beating him into a coma with a crowbar. Or riddling his sad floppy body with full metal jackets.
46270	Although I will admit it is hilarious every time that happens.
46271	OH. THIS IS AMUSING TO YOU?
46272	THEN WHAT IF, FOR A LAUGH ENCORE.
46273	I STARTED FUCKING UP YOUR DUMB TOWER?!
46274	No don't!
46275	Cut that out!
46276	MAKE ME.
46277	You're going to cause huge problems for everybody if you keep that up.
46278	Mostly for yourself!
46279	THEN SHUT OFF THAT MUSIC.
46280	AND BE USEFUL TO ME AGAIN.
46281	How?
46282	TELL ME ABOUT MY QUEST.
46283	You brat. I'm not telling you shit!
46284	I COULD DO THIS ALL DAY.
46285	WOW. THIS IS JUST. THE MOST FUN THING.
46286	I LOVE THIS MAGIC PRESENT. YOU KNOW WHAT. THAT CLOWN?
46287	MAYBE HE'S NOT SO BAD.
46288	I MEAN. ONCE I BROKE HIM IN A LITTLE.
46289	Ok fine!
46290	I'll tell you some stuff. Just quit it.
46291	Thank you.
46292	Now what exactly would you like to know?
46293	EVERYTHING.
46294	Everything is a lot.
46295	Care to narrow it down a little?
46296	OBVIOUSLY NOT THE BORING IRRELEVANT THINGS.
46297	DEFINITELY NOT THINGS LIKE. WHO KISSES PEOPLE. WITH THEIR UNPLEASANT NONSKELETAL SMOOSHY LIPS.
46298	JUST ALL THE THINGS THAT I NEED TO KNOW TO WIN THIS GAME.
46299	That's not how adventures work though.
46300	You don't just make some omniscient narrator inside a computer tell you everything all at once.
46301	There's like this whole process to it. You reveal certain things at the right time, depending on whether the hero has met certain requirements and is ready to learn those things.
46302	What you learn and what I tell you is more up to you than it is to me.
46303	WHO CARES.
46304	I DON'T WANT YOUR EXCUSES.
46305	Aren't you excited about your adventure? About being unchained for the first time ever, and getting to explore this mysterious place, and meeting people and solving puzzles that will lead to the realization of who you were meant to be, and how you fit into this epic?
46306	NO.
46307	SO FAR. THE ADVENTURE IS BORING, AND FRUSTRATING, AND CONSISTS OF AN IDIOT IN A COMPUTER, AND A CLOWN WHO WON'T DIE.
46308	I WANT TO KNOW WHEN I GET TO START FUCKING SHIT UP.
46309	You'll definitely get to do that later.
46310	WHEN.
46311	Not long from now.
46312	LIKE. IN A COUPLE HOURS. OR.
46313	That's up to you. There are puzzles to solve all over your planet. Your mentor can help.
46314	The sooner you do that, the sooner the fun will begin.
46315	YOU REALLY AREN'T TELLING ME ANYTHING.
46316	WE HAD A DEAL. I PUT THE CROWBAR DOWN. NOW TELL ME THINGS.
46317	Why don't we narrow the scope of the Q&A then?
46318	Try asking very specific questions, and I'll decide if it would be appropriate to answer at this time.
46319	YEAH. GOOD IDEA.
46320	THEN MY FIRST QUESTION IS.
46321	WHAT IS THE PLACE.
46322	The Medium. You are in your game session.
46323	I KNOW THAT.
46324	WHAT'S THIS PLANET, I MEAN.
46325	It was called Earth.
46326	EARTH. THAT'S IT?
46327	Yes.
46328	Weren't all the Statues of Liberty a dead giveaway?
46329	If you see one or more shitty old Statues of Liberty on any post-apocalyptic wasteland planet, that automatically means it was Earth all along, as a rule.
46330	Then when you realize that, you're supposed to have a mental breakdown.
46331	I AM UNFAMILIAR WITH THIS RULE. AND SKEPTICAL OF ITS VERACITY.
46332	TELL ME MORE ABOUT EARTH.
46333	It's the place humans are from. But that was a very long time ago, with respect to the planet's current age.
46334	Earth has been through a lot. It was even relocated a couple times.
46335	YES. I BROUGHT IT WITH ME, I THINK.
46336	INTO THE GAME.
46337	Yes. But it was relocated once even before that.
46338	It was moved from its native solar system, where it circled around a little yellow sun.
46339	Then it founds its way to a new system, around your big red sun. It stayed there for a good while, until your sun started dying.
46340	WHY WOULD SOMEONE MOVE A PLANET.
46341	Its universe was about to explode. So its proprietor closed up shop and got it the hell out of there.
46342	HOW.
46343	That's not important for you to know. Suffice to say, planets just have a way of scooting around in this adventure.
46344	OK. WHY IS THIS MY PLANET IN THE GAME THOUGH.
46345	Cause your kernelsprite turned into a black hole and sucked it into your session?
46346	NO I MEAN. I THOUGHT I WAS SUPPOSED TO HAVE A COOL AND SPECIAL PLACE.
46347	LIKE A LAND OF SOMETHING AND SOMETHING.
46348	You do.
46349	You just have to unlock it.
46350	That is when your real quest will begin.
46351	HOW DO I DO THAT.
46352	You know. Finding keys. Solving problems.
46353	All the potential for extraordinary achievements in your quest must be unlocked first.
46354	We've been over this.
46355	WHERE DO I FIND THE KEYS.
46356	I don't know.
46357	LIES.
46358	Why would I know that? You think I'm like an encyclopedia on key locations??
46359	I got better things to think about than where all your stupid keys are.
46360	Find them yourself. Better hop to it!
46361	NO. MORE QUESTIONS FIRST.
46362	WHAT AM I ULTIMATELY STRIVING TO UNLOCK.
46363	TO MAKE MY REAL LAND APPEAR.
46364	IS IT SOME SORT OF GIANT, FANCY KEYHOLE.
46365	No. More like a big door.
46366	A DOOR TO WHAT.
46367	TREASURE?
46368	Kind of.
46369	If there's any treasure in there, it would be guarded by your denizen.
46370	WHAT'S THAT.
46371	A powerful monster that rules your planet, asleep in the core.
46372	He appeared there the moment Earth got sucked into your session.
46373	WHAT KIND OF MONSTER.
46374	IS IT A DEADLY, CHALLENGING MONSTER?
46375	Yes.
46376	He is the deadliest, most challenging denizen of all.
46377	He very rarely appears in game sessions, and is usually designated for the most naturally gifted warriors.
46378	His name is Yaldabaoth.
46379	SO MY GOAL IS. TO BURROW FUCK DEEP INTO THE CENTER OF EARTH.
46380	UNLOCK HIS DOOR.
46381	AND THEN DESTROY HIM.
46382	Sort of.
46383	You can fight him then and there if you want. But that won't do you much good. And not just because he'd probably kill you instantly.
46384	You're better off listening to him.
46385	WHY.
46386	Because he will make you an offer.
46387	By which I mean he will give you The Choice.
46388	THE CHOICE TO DO WHAT.
46389	I won't tell you that.
46390	FUCK. NO.
46391	YOU WERE ON SUCH A ROLL. OF NOT BEING SHITTY.
46392	It's just a very important decision you will have to take into consideration once you hear it. Something unique to you and your journey.
46393	Basically, if you accept his terms, your real adventure will begin. Your true planet will be unlocked, and a whole lot of other crazy shit will happen. It's best not to get bogged down in the details though.
46394	The bottom line is, by accepting, you will begin the most difficult game session anyone has ever attempted.
46395	WHAT.
46396	THAT'S BULLSHIT.
46397	WHY DO I GET SUCH A RAW DEAL.
46398	Because you are being punished.
46399	FOR WHAT.
46400	For your hubris in embarking on a one player session.
46401	That's against the rules.
46402	WHAT RULES. WHERE ARE THESE RULES WRITTEN.
46403	They aren't written anywhere. They're just the rules.
46404	Are the rules you and your sister followed written anywhere?
46405	NO.
46406	You just knew what they were, and you followed them. There were consequences for breaking them.
46407	SO THIS SHIT ASS SESSION. IS PUNISHING ME FOR. BEING TOO FULL OF MYSELF. AND KILLING MY SISTER??
46408	Pretty much.
46409	WHATEVER. I ACCEPT THE CONSEQUENCES. FOR DOING THOSE EXCELLENT THINGS.
46410	JUST BRING IT ON.
46411	I thought you'd feel that way.
46412	SO WHAT'S SO TERRIBLE ABOUT THIS SESSION. ASIDE FROM THE FIRST STAGE BEING INSANELY BORING.
46413	It's called a dead session.
46414	SO.
46415	So, there are three kinds of fucked up sessions, and yours is the worst.
46416	There's a null session, which is pretty much a normal session that's doomed to failure.
46417	Everything works correctly. The sprites are prototyped, the battlefield can evolve, the Forge is present, Skaia can gestate a new universe... theoretically.
46418	But events conspire such that this never happens. Basically the players are doomed to fail.
46419	Then there's a void session, which is the same as a null session, but without even having the potential for success.
46420	Nothing is prototyped. The battlefield doesn't evolve. There's no Forge. It is completely inert.
46421	It has no chance of bearing fruit, at least not without some sort of miraculous external intervention. Like a deus ex machina.
46422	And then there's a dead session, which is a void session but worse. It's started by a single player. The kernelsprite collapses into a black hole, sucking the planet into it, and eventually the sun and entire solar system. There is no hope of creating a universe in such a session under any circumstance, not even with outside help. Victory and defeat in a dead session are dictated by totally different terms.
46423	One way of looking at it is, if you're fortunate enough to even get your quest started, it will be like playing the game on the extreme difficulty setting.
46424	Hope you're up for that!
46425	OF COURSE I AM.
46426	LET ME ASK YOU.
46427	IF YOU WERE THE MOST DEADLY DENIZEN OF ALL.
46428	WOULD YOU WANT TO MESS WITH...
46429	*THIS*???
46430	Hell no.
46431	Hmm...
46432	WHAT.
46433	Gamzee again.
46434	OH.
46435	Wonder what he's up to now?
46436	He doesn't look too good.
46437	Oh great.
46438	Now he's vomiting blood.
46439	Are you satisfied?
46440	You made this dear, sweet, pseudo-innocent juggalo vomit liter after thick, glutinous liter of nasty purple blood.
46441	UUUGH.
46442	I'm debating whether I should play the elevator music again.
46443	Would that be funny? I'm not sure.
46444	Kind of borderline, really.
46445	HOLD ON.
46446	WHAT IS THAT.
46447	What?
46448	HE'S PUKING SOMETHING UP.
46449	IT LOOKS LIKE...
46450	ARE THOSE...
46451	KEYS?
46452	What?
46453	HE PUKED UP SOME KEYS.
46454	That's weird.
46455	What kind of keys?
46456	JUST SOME REGULAR LOOKING KEYS.
46457	WITH SOME KIND OF CLOWNY KEY RING.
46458	Hmm.
46459	Do you think they might work on this tower?
46460	WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU ASKING ME?
46461	HOW COULD THIS BE SOMETHING YOU DON'T KNOW.
46462	Don't be that way. I'm just thinking out loud here.
46463	SO YOU HAD NO IDEA THAT THIS WRETCHED FOOL SWALLOWED SOME KEYS.
46464	INTENDING TO LATER REGURGITATE THEM IN FRONT OF ME. PROBABLY AS ANOTHER "PRESENT".
46465	He's kind of like a loyal pet, isn't he?
46466	Dragging ridiculous stuff into the house as gifts for his master.
46467	Barfing up disgusting things on the carpet and beaming with pride over his generous offering.
46468	Isn't that what you want from a devoted minion/mentor?
46469	DID YOU. OR DID YOU NOT. KNOW HE HAD THESE KEYS.
46470	Nope.
46471	I'm just as surprised as you.
46472	I DON'T BELIEVE YOU.
46473	Hey, I told you.
46474	I have no idea what that clown gets up to in his spare time.
46475	I'm not even really sure how he got here, to be honest.
46476	Maybe he stowed away in a shitty Liberty?
46477	Or maybe he was just hiding in one of the ventshafts on your meteor when you entered? He had YEARS of practice to master that move, now that I think about it.
46478	SHUT UP. JUST SHUT UP!
46479	HOW CAN EVERYTHING YOU SAY BE SO USELESS.
46480	Why don't you quit bitching at me and try out those keys?
46481	HOW DO I KNOW WHICH KEY GOES IN WHICH HOLE.
46482	You don't.
46483	WHAT. THERE ARE NO LABELS. OR NUMBERS. OR ANYTHING?
46484	Nope.
46485	You just have to try them on every keyhole until one fits.
46486	THAT'S SO TERRIBLE.
46487	I LITERALLY CANNOT. EVEN THINK OF A SINGLE THING MORE TERRIBLE THAN THAT.
46488	Welcome to your quest.
46489	OK. I GUESS I FOUND ONE THAT FITS.
46490	AH. YES. IT'S THIS BUMBLING TWIT.
46491	WHERE IS HE.
46492	He is in his game session, exploring his land.
46493	HIS LAND LOOKS COOLER THAN MINE.
46494	It is cooler.
46495	THAT FUCKER. I AM SO GOING TO MESS WITH HIM. NOW THAT I CAN SEE HIM.
46496	HEY.
46497	WHY CAN I SEE HIM NOW? THEIR GAME WAS BLACKED OUT. LAST I LOOKED.
46498	You were looking through a standard chat client viewport.
46499	This tower's signal bypasses the field of void permeating the session.
46500	As long as you find the right tower, the right monitor, and have the right key, you should be able to see anything in existence from this planet.
46501	INTERESTING.
46502	Try another key.
46503	IT'S THE DIRK HUMAN.
46504	HE IS SOMEWHAT TOLERABLE. I MEAN. AS A STRONG AND COMPETENT MALE.
46505	What. So you're down with the Dirk?
46506	NO. ALL I'M SAYING IS. THE DEATH I WISH ON HIM DOESN'T HAVE TO BE ESPECIALLY PAINFUL.
46507	IT COULD BE LIKE. GOING TO SLEEP. WITH MAYBE ONLY A SHORT SCREAM.
46508	I think you want to be bros with him.
46509	SHUT YOUR MOUTH.
46510	I WILL TRY ANOTHER KEY.
46511	OH HO.
46512	AND HERE IT WOULD SEEM THAT WE HAVE.
46513	AN EXEMPLARY PAIR OF SAUCY BITCHES.
46514	DO YOU THINK...
46515	What?
46516	NO. NEVER MIND.
46517	IT WAS A FRIVOLOUS QUESTION.
46518	Think what?
46519	I WAS JUST WONDERING.
46520	DO YOU THINK IT'S LIKELY.
46521	IF I PEEK AT THEM FOR A WHILE.
46522	THEY WILL BEGIN TO. MAYBE.
46523	What?
46524	STROKE EACH OTHER'S HAIR.
46525	Ok, I'm leaving.
46526	OR MAYBE.
46527	WHAT'S THE WORD I'M THINKING OF.
46528	YOU DO IT WITH ANOTHER LIVING TORSO THAT'S NEAR YOU. I MEAN, A TORSO YOU HAVEN'T KILLED YET.
46529	WHEN ONE DARES TO ALLOW THE SEDUCTIVE SERPENT OF DEBAUCHERY TO SLITHER INTO ONE'S SARSWAPAGUS.
46530	What the fuck?
46531	I THINK IT'S CALLED.
46532	"SNUGGLING"?
46533	Bye.
46534	WAIT!
46535	WHERE ARE YOU GOING.
46536	I think you've got a handle on this.
46537	You're warming up to the clown, or at least you stopped shooting him every thirty seconds.
46538	So it seems like you're ready to accept him as your mentor and begin taking this quest seriously.
46539	I FIND HIM MODERATELY LESS REPELLENT.
46540	AND HE HAS PROVEN HIMSELF USEFUL. I GUESS.
46541	I WILL ACCEPT THE RESILIENT BARD AS MY SERVANT.
46542	Cool.
46543	My work here is done then.
46544	Try out some more keys. Then go exploring and look for more.
46545	You'll get the hang of it.
46546	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/promptlock.gif" border="0" /> -- The narrative prompt has been locked. -- <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/promptlock.gif" border="0" />
46547	TT: Dude!
46548	TT: Where you at, man.
46549	TT: Wait.
46550	TT: Which computer are you using?
46551	TT: I'm not comfortable knowing my words could be hovering over Cage's clownish, sort of gaunt face.
46552	TT: Could you maybe switch back to naked blue chicks as your exclusive desktop fodder? TIA.
46553	TT: But yeah.
46554	TT: I don't know if you just want a little solitude.
46555	TT: Or if maybe you finally just got like,
46556	TT: A case of Strider fatigue.
46557	TT: I could understand that.
46558	TT: I mean, not to get all neurotic on you.
46559	TT: I'm just saying I get it, if that's what's going on.
46560	TT: But for real, if you gotta sneak away for a few days, that's cool.
46561	TT: Just might be kind of dope if you at least would let me know which planet you scurried off to.
46562	TT: And by dope I guess I mean considerate?
46563	TT: Really not trying to be a drag here.
46564	TT: Wondering what's up is all.
46565	TT: Want to meet up soon?
46566	TT: I found a really promising tomb we could raid.
46567	TT: Looks like it runs hella deep.
46568	TT: If I've got the specs right, could run as deep as the Lion's Mouth itself.
46569	TT: But without all the fuckin' fire to deal with.
46570	TT: Wait, I mean Lion's Mouth.
46571	TT: Gotta underline that key shit. Always forget.
46572	TT: Figure it should take a couple days to make it to the bottom.
46573	TT: Only a day if we both go limp and just fall the whole way down the stairs.
46574	TT: Ignoring literally every sage warning we've ever received about those treacherous plummetation zigzags.
46575	TT: Just tumbling on down in a floppy limbed trance like a couple of puppets in a race arranged by some drunk gamblers.
46576	TT: If you're into another expedition, head to LOTAK and hit me up. Just don't forget your mask this time.
46577	TT: The deeper we go, the worse it gets, remember?
46578	TT: Could be some unreal grist down there.
46579	TT: More puzzle shit.
46580	TT: Loads of skeletons.
46581	TT: Pack your guns dog.
46582	JAKE: SIIIIIGH.
46583	ERISOLSPRITE: no.
46584	JAKE: Oh! Hey there buddy i nearly forgot you were bobbing about over there what with my emotional dilemmas.
46585	ERISOLSPRITE: oh plea2e, a2 iif that loud heavvy 2iigh wwa2nt 2o obvviiou2ly diirected at gettiin my take on your 2HIITTY, BORIING boyfriiend problem2.
46586	JAKE: Heheheh. Was i really so transparent?
46587	JAKE: Youre a good man mr erisol. A good man with a good heart. Im lucky to have you as a friend.
46588	ERISOLSPRITE: no, you bloody iimbeciile.
46589	ERISOLSPRITE: ii am not a good man, ii dont havve a good heart, and iim not your fuckiin friiend.
46590	ERISOLSPRITE: ii thiink you may be the dumbe2t liivviin beiing ii havve evver encountered.
46591	ERISOLSPRITE: ii dont evven knoww wwhy ii bothered floatiing dowwn thii2 liittle gra22y gulch twwo fliip you the daiily biird. ii mu2t be out of my already tortured pan twwo bother wwiith ANY of you ovveremotiional fuckbag2.
46592	JAKE: I suppose its true. You can be a bit of a surly customer.
46593	JAKE: I dont hold it against you though. You have always been a wonderful source of amusement and companionship in this desolate place.
46594	ERISOLSPRITE: wwoww, iit2 cool ii amu2e you, that really giivve2 meaniing to my joke of an exii2tence, ii mean WWOWW, thank2.
46595	JAKE: Sure thing.
46596	JAKE: Im just not sure who else to talk to about my issues with dirk.
46597	ERISOLSPRITE: ok, wwhy dont you giivve thii2 per2on a wwhiirl: NOT ME?
46598	JAKE: Im so conflicted. Ive enjoyed our time together and all the adventures weve had over the last few months.
46599	JAKE: But as a paramour he has been overbearing to say the least. I dont know if i have the gumption to withstand another round of needy overtures.
46600	JAKE: What do you think sir sprite? Should i put the old kibash on the affair?
46601	ERISOLSPRITE: ii hate howw you 2ay evverythiing. howw can he 2tand you.
46602	JAKE: Although frankly that prospect alone sounds arduous.
46603	JAKE: I wouldnt even know what to say to the poor fella.
46604	JAKE: You are my mystical guide on this adventure! What perchance might you advise?
46605	ERISOLSPRITE: alriight you wwant 2ome redrom coun2el, wwell here you go.
46606	ERISOLSPRITE: iim of the miind2et that wwhen you havve a rock 2oliid piiece of a22 tiied twwo the dock, you dont bloody wwell tug the knot loo2e and 2hovve the fucker off wwiith the heel a your boot.
46607	ERISOLSPRITE: but then another part of me ju2t wwonder2 wwhat the FUCK ii ju2t 2aiid there? liike that wwa2 ju2t 2uch a wweiird 2ociiopathiic thought ii had, ii hone2tly had no iidea howw bad ii could po22iibly feel about my2elf untiil ii BECAME my2elf, iif THAT make2 2en2e.
46608	ERISOLSPRITE: your bro ha2 feeliin2 twwo con2iider, he2 not 2ome 2liice of grub2teak. wwhy are you con2ultiing wwiith me, iim a dii2a2ter. no iim a dii2a2ter that 2hiit iit2 emotiional pant2 wwiith thiick liiquiid CATA2TROPHE, 2o dont evven come near me.
46609	JAKE: Oh mr erisol. You are in rare form today.
46610	ERISOLSPRITE: fuck you jake. iim not funny. ii havve no actual clue wwhy you thiink iim 2o funny, 2o PII22 OFF.
46611	JAKE: HAHAHAHAHAHA!
46612	ERISOLSPRITE: ii 2hould havve exploded my2elf the moment he 2pawwned me.
46613	ERISOLSPRITE: evvery day iim wwonderiin wwhy ii havvent blowwn my2elf up yet.
46614	ERISOLSPRITE: one tiime ii thiink ii almo2t diid?
46615	ERISOLSPRITE: then ii ju2t thought...
46616	ERISOLSPRITE: MEH.
46617	ERISOLSPRITE: ii thiink the truth ii2 deep dowwn ii mu2t lovve 2ufferiin.
46618	ERISOLSPRITE: ju2t liike you and wwhat2 hii2 face and your TRAINWRECK of a mate2priit2hiip.
46619	JAKE: STOP! STOP!!! MY SIDES.
46620	JAKE: Your act is too rich. Thanks buddy this is cheering me up at least a little.
46621	ERISOLSPRITE: 2hut up.
46622	ERISOLSPRITE: oh and you knoww wwhat el2e ii2 fliippiin BULL2HIIT?
46623	ERISOLSPRITE: thii2 hoax that youre iimplyiin there2 no one el2e twwo talk twwo about thii2.
46624	ERISOLSPRITE: TALK TWWO A MEMBER OF YOUR OWWN FUCKIIN 2PECIIE2 FOR A CHANGE.
46625	ERISOLSPRITE: wwhat about crocker. try ruiiniin her day wwiith your wwii2hy wwa2hy rubbii2h.
46626	JAKE: Youre right. I really should catch up with Janey.
46627	JAKE: Its been a while since we spoke. It does seem like more and more im the one to get in touch with her.
46628	JAKE: I do hope she hasnt tired too badly of listening to my problems. The last thing i want is to give the impression that everything revolves around my various romantic hurdles.
46629	ERISOLSPRITE: revvolvve around? iit2 a biit late for that jake.
46630	ERISOLSPRITE: your flu2hed quadrant ii2 a black hole and wwe are all beiing dragged 2creamiin through iit2 evvent horiizon.
46631	ERISOLSPRITE: ju2t talk twwo jane, and nevver fuckiin look at me agaiin for the re2t of your liife.
46632	ERISOLSPRITE: iim leavviing. hey here2 one for the road.
46633	JAKE: Ah! There she blows. Your favorite finger of all.
46634	JAKE: You sure do love showing that one to people. Its actually become a vaguely comforting gesture.
46635	ERISOLSPRITE: you knoww wwhat youvve done jake.
46636	ERISOLSPRITE: you havve totally RUIINED the act of fliippiin people off.
46637	ERISOLSPRITE: iit wwa2 the one joy ii had left. ii hope youre happy.
46638	JAKE: Boy howdy!!!
46639	GT: Greetings!
46640	GG: Oh. Hello, Jake.
46641	GT: Im not interrupting anything am i?
46642	GG: Um, not really? Roxy and I are just setting a few things up here.
46643	GT: Ah i see. I would be happy to message you again later if it would spare you any inconvenience.
46644	GG: No, it's fine! It's really nice to hear from you, actually.
46645	GG: I was starting to worry you might have forgotten.
46646	GT: Uh.
46647	GT: Forgotten?
46648	GG: Oh no...
46649	GT: Forgotten what now?
46650	GG: Never mind.
46651	GT: Wait dont tell me.
46652	GT: Is it a tomb or a crypt or somesuch? Are you preparing for another grist seeking expedition??
46653	GT: Oh shit did you schedule my assistance for the raid and i forgot all about it???
46654	GG: No, Jake.
46655	GG: We didn't need your help raiding a tomb. But thanks for thinking of us.
46656	GG: I don't know what this clueless pair of damsels would do without you.
46657	GT: Blast.
46658	GT: Well what in the name of willy howard tafts great tub choking bottom could i be forgetting then?
46659	GT: This is going to drive me CRAZY! Can you give me a hint?
46660	GG: Yes. It has to do with the day I was born, which was almost exactly sixteen years ago.
46661	GT: Of course! Your birthday!!!
46662	GG: Didn't you get Roxy's invitation?
46663	GG: It was my understanding that she gave you and Dirk notice weeks ago.
46664	GT: Yes thats right. Now i remember. The date sure snuck up on us quick didnt it?
46665	GT: Sorry you know how things can slip my mind. The gourd on my shoulders isnt the steel trap it used to be. Nothing like the well oiled puzzlebuster you've got up there.
46666	GG: Mm.
46667	GT: Well damn.
46668	GT: Looks like the egg monster took quite the spirited dump on my face this time.
46669	GG: Jake. I... what?
46670	GT: I feel so dumb. Ill be right over.
46671	GG: Well, if you recall, the party is actually tomorrow.
46672	GG: Like I said, we're just setting a few things up.
46673	GG: Roxy is putting up some decorations. I baked a cake. You were of course free to join us early too. I just thought since I hadn't heard from you in quite some time, you had better things to do.
46674	GT: You baked a cake for your own party?
46675	GG: Yes. So?
46676	GT: I dont know something seems amiss about that. Isnt that against tradition or inviting bad luck or something?
46677	GT: But I guess it makes sense since you love baking cakes. Its like a present you give to yourself!
46678	GG: Jake, what was it you actually wanted?
46679	GT: Oh. I just wanted to get your advice on some stuff.
46680	GT: But since ive been a heel and forgotten about your party maybe i shouldnt bother you with that?
46681	GG: Mmm.
46682	GT: So sixteen big ones huh! The ole sweet sixteen.
46683	GT: Last one of us to notch the vaunted one sixer. Its a big step! I knew youd make it, i always said i believed in you didnt i?
46684	GT: Just kidding, the inexorable nature of times passage virtually assured you would get that old so you didnt really have anything to do with it. I mean not that i dont still believe in you, i do.
46685	GG: ...
46686	GT: I cant believe its already been...
46687	GT: How long?
46688	GT: What, like a year already since we entered? Holy moly, where does the time go.
46689	GG: It's been more like five months.
46690	GT: Oh.
46691	GT: Well thats still a pretty long time.
46692	GT: I have to admit its been a longer stint than i expected. Certainly one involving more downtime than i would have guessed.
46693	GT: I really thought we would have been treated to more action, what being legendary players of a mysterious cosmic game. But no, it seems the primary duty of the so called nobles is to wait around twiddling our thumbs.
46694	GG: Mmhmm.
46695	GT: I am really beginning to wonder when these fabled heroes will arrive? And are they really going to be those we have been led to believe?
46696	GT: I sure hope so. Id so love to meet my pen pal. Dear old departed grandma. But as a feisty youngster! What a hoot thatll be. And you with your poppop. Lets not forget about him.
46697	GT: Not to mention the young strider and lalonde relatives. I bet theyre a barrel of laughs. I met them once but i was too shy to say anything. Then i got in a fight. Did i ever mention that jane?
46698	GG: Yes.
46699	GG: Many times.
46700	GT: Not to say its been all downtime and doldrums. Exploring has been great. Finding treasure, solving riddles, becoming better friends. I wouldnt trade that for anything.
46701	GT: And maybe we are getting close to something big happening regardless? Every day it seems like more and more undead creatures crawl from out of the shadows. Bigger ones and stronger ones. Does their presence herald something worse coming, just as the legends indicate our presence heralds something better?
46702	GT: I just wish we could actually kill the fucking things. Even the little ones can absorb so much damage before yielding any spoils!
46703	GT: Remember jane? Remember at the start how we kept trying to kill them?
46704	GG: Mmhmm.
46705	GT: We would all gang up on like an imp skeleton for an hour just clobbering it repeatedly. Knocking its bones down, waiting for it to reassemble and keep coming at us. Only to finally be rewarded with a shitty pittance of grist!
46706	GT: But i guess the silver lining was it forced us to explore ruins more often and scavenge for loot there. So i think weve learned a lot more this way.
46707	GT: But it sure makes resources hard to come by, having to get them exclusively from chests and whatnot. Sometimes i wonder if weve been missing out on a really rewarding part of the game by neglecting to build up our houses? Makes you wonder. But it just costs so much! Better to stick to making more practical stuff dont you think?
46708	GG: Mm.
46709	GT: Sometimes i wonder if the heroes had the same problems in their game. Do you think they found an easier way to kill skeletons?
46710	GT: Were they just as shameless as us when it came to splurging our precious grist on swanky new duds?
46711	GT: Did the same enigmatic bard haunt their game? And if so which hilarious dead trolls did he throw into the flashy blobs?
46712	GT: Mr erisol tells me he knows many things about the heroes because he saw them in action when he was alive. But he wont tell me a thing about them! These troll sprites sure do love keeping their secrets dont they? Heheh.
46713	GG: That's nice, Jake. I'm kind of busy though.
46714	GG: What did you actually want to talk to me about?
46715	GG: Actually, why don't we just talk about it tomor-
46716	GT: Okay we can talk about that if you insist.
46717	GT: Really jane you sure know how to twist a fellas arm!
46718	GT: I just wanted to get your take on what you might call my own personal ultimate riddle.
46719	GT: It involves dirk.
46720	GG: You don't say.
46721	GT: Its true. I havent seen him in a couple days.
46722	GT: I have been laying low for a while but i just received another series of pushy inquiries from him.
46723	GT: Maybe i shouldnt be too hard on the guy since he was probably just concerned, not having heard from me and all.
46724	GT: But i still couldnt help but detect a tone of desperation, like he could sense i may be having doubts.
46725	GT: This kind of thing has been all too common unfortunately.
46726	GT: Im not sure its going to work anymore.
46727	GG: Mm.
46728	GT: He can be so needy!
46729	GT: If only he could just relax and trust that i wont spontaneously tire of his company.
46730	GT: Although the irony i guess is that his overbearing tendencies are beginning to fulfill his own paranoid prophecy.
46731	GT: Its such a shame. Weve had so many capital adventures together.
46732	GT: I dont know why he has to be like this. He always was an intense fella. But in person... holy cow.
46733	GT: I wonder if it has to do with the fact that he grew up alone in the middle of the ocean? And now he doesnt know how to deal with people without suffocating them?
46734	GT: But then again i grew up under similar circumstances and i think i turned out pretty much ok socially, at least i hope so. Do you think so jane?
46735	GG: Mmmm!
46736	GT: Actually it just occurred to me. Its funny he didnt mention your party in his text.
46737	GT: Im SURE he wouldnt have forgotten. He never forgets ANYTHING what with all his calculations and his computerized brain. Both figurative and literal.
46738	GT: I wonder what his game was? He invited me on an expedition without mention of your party as a potential conflict...
46739	GT: If he sensed i could use some space perhaps he was concerned that if we both showed up to the party it would be awkward?
46740	GT: Or maybe he didnt want to mention he was going to the party in case it would spook me away from attending?
46741	GT: Argh! Do you see jane?? This is what his endless machinations do to you!
46742	GT: Anything he says could be part of some grand convoluted scheme and it just makes you agonize and boggle and wonder until your brain hurts and you just KNOW its a battle you cant win.
46743	GT: You know what i mean jane?
46744	GG: Mmhmm.
46745	GT: Do you think i should just bite the bullet and end it?
46746	GT: Its probably the right thing to do.
46747	GT: Boy am i not looking forward to that conversation though.
46748	GT: Its going to be a doozy. What did i get myself into here?
46749	GT: I think ive made a lot of mistakes honestly.
46750	GT: Not the least of which was getting this shitty tattoo, now that i think about it.
46751	GT: Yes yes i know we all thought it was a riot at first.
46752	GT: I guess it still is maybe? But lately ive been wondering if it might not have been an act of sound judgment.
46753	GT: Can you believe that jane?
46754	GG: Hmm!
46755	GT: I dont know. Its a real pickle im in here but i do feel better just being able to get it off my chest.
46756	GT: You are such a good friend jane, always ready to listen to my relationship woes. What a trooper!
46757	GT: It never ceases to amaze me how excellent you are at this friendship business. Where would we all be without you?
46758	GT: In a way you really have been the glue holding us all together on our adventure. Gosh youre a standup gal.
46759	GT: Oh which actually reminds me of ANOTHER thing thats been bugging me about dirk.
46760	GT: He can often be almost hilariously self absorbed. Dont even get me started on when he starts going off on these long monologues about his philosophical gobbledygook.
46761	GT: I'm not sure he actually has much of a filter when it comes to what others regard as interesting points of conversation.
46762	GT: Not to rag on the guy too hard but i guess at times i would just like to see a little more self awareness from him is all.
46763	GG: Jake.
46764	GT: Did i tell you what happened on our last expedition together?
46765	GG: Jake.
46766	GT: I cant remember if i mentioned. Oh man but thinking back on what happened its even more ridiculous in retrospect.
46767	GT: Where do i begin?
46768	GG: Jake!!!
46769	GT: What?
46770	GG: Shut up!
46771	GT: Huh?
46772	GG: Shut up!!!
46773	GT: Errr.
46774	GT: Did i say something wrong?
46775	GG: JAKE.
46776	GG: PLEASE.
46777	GG: STOP TALKING.
46778	GT: I dont...
46779	GG: JAKE.
46780	GG: I SAID SHUT UP.
46781	GT: Wha...
46782	GG: JUST,
46783	GG: SHUT,
46784	GG: THE FUCK,
46785	GG: UUUUUUUUUUP!!!
46786	GT: Ay caramba.
46787	GT: What in tarnation is the matter jane?
46788	GG: WHAT'S THE MATTER?
46789	GG: WHAT'S THE MATTER???
46790	GG: I AM SICK.
46791	GG: AND FUCKING TIRED.
46792	GG: TO DEATH.
46793	GG: OF YOUR INSUFFERABLE BLITHERING BULLSHIT!!!!!!
46794	GT: Whoa there.
46795	GT: You seem really worked up. Maybe we should just calm down and talk this through like sensible adults?
46796	GT: Also youre going kinda heavy on the caps there arent you? Sort of makes it seem like your shouting. Just saying.
46797	GG: I AM SHOUTING!
46798	GG: THERE ARE LITERAL SHOUTS OF ANGER COMING OUT OF MY ACTUAL MOUTH, AND THEY ARE DIRECTED AT YOU!
46799	GT: Yikes.
46800	GT: Well ok then.
46801	GT: Can you tell me why youre so upset with me?
46802	GT: Is it because i forgot your birthday party? Because i do feel awful about that.
46803	GG: OH MY GOD. WHY ARE YOU SO CLUELESS?
46804	GG: I CAN'T STAND IT!
46805	GT: Really i feel like a tool about forgetting. You know how i am. I forget stuff.
46806	GT: I mean...
46807	GT: Shucks buster. If i knew how to make it up to you i would.
46808	GT: If it ameliorates matters any i am sighing pretty much the shucksiest buster of contrition i can manage.
46809	GG: IT'S NOT ABOUT MY BIRTHDAY!!!
46810	GG: THE FACT THAT YOU FORGOT CERTAINLY DOESN'T HELP, BUT THAT'S NOT IT. SEE, YOU JUST DON'T GET IT!
46811	GG: OH, AND COULD YOU PLEASE STOP SAYING SHUCKS BUSTER?!
46812	GG: SHUCKS BUSTER WAS MY THING! AND YOU STOLE IT!
46813	GT: I thought shucks buster was...
46814	GT: Sorta our thing?
46815	GG: NO, IT WAS MY THING, BUT I ALLOWED IT TO BE OUR THING! BACK WHEN YOU USED TO GIVE A SHIT! BUT NOW IT'S JUST MINE, AND YOU CAN'T HAVE IT ANYMORE!
46816	GT: Uhh.
46817	GT: Ok?
46818	GT: I suppose i could go with shoot buddy. Or...
46819	GT: Fudge junior?
46820	GG: .................
46821	GT: Or maybe forgo an analogous catch phrase altogether heh.
46822	GT: But i clearly stepped in it big time with you and id really like to know what i did.
46823	GG: JAKE, LET ME ASK YOU.
46824	GG: DO YOU EVEN REMEMBER THE LAST TIME WE TALKED?
46825	GT: Hmm.
46826	GT: Wasnt it a few days ago?
46827	GG: NO. TRY A FEW WEEKS AGO!
46828	GG: AND EVEN THEN, YOU MESSAGED ME JUST TO TALK ABOUT SOME STUPID SHIT THAT HAPPENED WITH DIRK.
46829	GG: A TEDIOUS GESTURE WHICH YOU THEN SAW FIT TO REPRISE ON MY BIRTHDAY OF ALL DAYS, WHILST CONSIDERATELY FORGETTING ABOUT IT!
46830	GG: AND EVEN WHEN I REMINDED YOU ABOUT IT, YOU STILL BARGED AHEAD WITH YOUR SELF-INDULGENT RELATIONSHIP CLAPTRAP ANYWAY!
46831	GT: I didnt realize it was so long ago. Sorry about that.
46832	GT: Again all i can say is where does the time go? I guess i have trouble keeping up with everything im supposed to. Which it would seem includes personal relationships as much as calendars.
46833	GT: Im not much of a leader of people. Not like you are jane. I think when it comes to adventuring maybe im more of a solo act?
46834	GT: Which now that i think about it might be contributing to my problems with dirk. Maybe thats part of the reason why i needed some space?
46835	GT: Oh brother there i go again blustering about my problems. I guess i see what you mean.
46836	GT: But really if you wanted to talk sooner then why didnt you get in touch with me?
46837	GT: It feels as though im always the one to say hello to you lately.
46838	GG: YEAH! THAT'S BECAUSE EVERY SINGLE TIME WE CHAT, YOU DO NOTHING BUT TALK ABOUT YOURSELF!
46839	GG: YOU NEVER ASK ME HOW I'M FEELING OR WHAT I'VE BEEN UP TO. YOU JUST LAUNCH INTO YOUR ROMANTIC PROBLEMS, AND I JUST LISTEN LIKE AN ACCOMMODATING FOOL AS ALWAYS!
46840	GG: SO I JUST STOPPED BOTHERING! WHY SHOULD I SUBJECT MYSELF TO THAT REPEATEDLY?!
46841	GG: YOU MIGHT ACTUALLY BE THE MOST THOUGHTLESS, SELF-CENTERED PERSON I HAVE EVER MET!
46842	GG: I CAN'T BELIEVE I USED TO FEEL...
46843	GT: Huh?
46844	GT: Used to feel what?
46845	GG: JAKE, HAS IT EVER OCCURRED TO YOU HOW IT MUST FEEL FOR SOMEONE TO LISTEN TO HER FRIEND GO ON AND ON ABOUT HIS BOYFRIEND PROBLEMS WHEN...
46846	GG: WHEN ALL ALONG SHE...
46847	GG: BUT SHE JUST COULDN'T SAY BECAUSE SHE BLEW IT AND IT WAS TOO LATE TO...
46848	GG: I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY I'M BOTHERING TO EXPLAIN THIS TO YOU. NEVER MIND.
46849	GT: Now hold the phone.
46850	GT: Jane i think i may finally understand whats been going on here.
46851	GT: In retrospect i cant believe ive been this blind.
46852	GT: Youre right i really can be deplorably thick sometimes.
46853	GT: Looking back i can see how many of our conversations must have been torment for you.
46854	GT: You really should have told me how you felt sooner!
46855	GG: YEAH. I...
46856	GG: I know. :(
46857	GT: If you told me you had the hots for dirk i would have backed off without another word.
46858	GT: What are friends for!
46859	GG: RAAARARRAAUUUAAAAUUAGHGHGGHGGGGHHGH!
46860	GT: Wait...
46861	GT: Did i say something dumb again?
46862	GT: Consarn it.
46863	GT: I think maybe something is getting lost in translation over our respective chat clients.
46864	GT: Maybe we should wait until tomorrow and just clear the air face to face at your party?
46865	GG: NO!
46866	GG: YOU AREN'T COMING TO MY PARTY!
46867	GT: Aw come on jane. Be a sport.
46868	GG: YOU AREN'T COMING TO MY PARTY, BECAUSE THERE ISN'T GOING TO BE A PARTY!
46869	GG: GO RAID SOME TOMBS WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND. GO MAKE OUT WITH HIM OR BREAK UP WITH HIM, OR WHATEVER IT IS YOUR FICKLE, SELFISH HEART DESIRES!
46870	GG: I AM AT THE END OF MY ROPE WITH YOU!
46871	GG: I AM FED UP WITH YOUR STUPID MOVIES AND YOUR STUPID ADVENTURES AND YOUR STUPID OLD TIMEY CHARMS AND YOU STUUUUUUPID DASHING GOOD LOOKS. WHO NEEDS ANY OF IT?????
46872	GT: I say jane. Before you do anything rash...
46873	GG: OH, WILL YOU PLEASE,
46874	GG: JUST,
46875	GG: STFU BUSTER!!!!!!!!!
46876	ROXY: jane
46877	ROXY: yo uh
46878	ROXY: janey
46879	ROXY: u ok there
46880	JANE: I WILL BE PEACHY FUCKING KEEN ONCE I STOMP THIS NOVELTY MUSTACHE HEADSET INTO OBLIVION, AND NOT A MOMENT SOONER!
46881	ROXY: janey uh
46882	ROXY: that aint a reasonable thing you said
46883	JANE: AU CONTRAIRE.
46884	JANE: I BELIEVE YOU WILL FIND THAT ONCE THIS PIECE OF SHIT HAS BEEN REDUCED TO SUBATOMIC PARTICLES, WE WILL ALL COME OUT SMELLING LIKE FUCKING ROSES.
46885	ROXY: jaaaaane
46886	ROXY: stoppit :(
46887	ROXY: ur upsettin fefeta
46888	ROXY: just
46889	ROXY: think of fefeta is all im asking
46890	ROXY: poor fefeta :'(
46891	FEFETASPRITE: 3833 < 383
46892	JANE: OH POOR FEFETA MY SWEET PATOOTIE!
46893	JANE: YOU AND I BOTH KNOW FEFETA HAS HAD TO DEAL WITH GARBAGE FROM JERKOFF BOYS BEFORE.
46894	JANE: SO DON'T GIVE ME THIS POOR FEFETA CRAP.
46895	ROXY: lol yeah
46896	ROXY: my girl fefeta knows whats up
46897	ROXY: she been around the d bag block a time or 2
46898	ROXY: em i rite fefeta
46899	FEFETASPRITE: 3833 < 3;3
46900	ROXY: shit yes gimme a paw bump
46901	ROXY: BOMP
46902	ROXY: jane u want in on this action
46903	ROXY: come give us a fist fulla sugar
46904	ROXY: complete the 3way for max girl power + solidarity against dumb dudes
46905	ROXY: janey jeez dont leave us hanging here
46906	JANE: SIGH.
46907	JANE: FINE.
46908	ROXY: jane that was the piss poorest paw bump ive ever seen
46909	ROXY: that was like a negative bump
46910	ROXY: we are going to have to bump long and hard into the night to dig us outta this fuckin bump hole you dug us into
46911	ROXY: w/ that tragic bump
46912	ROXY: that bump was like
46913	ROXY: shakespearean
46914	ROXY: makes me want to weep softly and leave a bouquet somewhere
46915	ROXY: someone plays a sad trumpet in the distance
46916	ROXY: look fefeta just sniffled a little at how sad that bump w-
46917	JANE: SHHHHHHHH!
46918	ROXY: ok god
46919	ROXY: was just tryin to cheer you up
46920	ROXY: take ur mind off whatever the hell that was
46921	ROXY: you werent serious about calling off the party were you
46922	ROXY: here let me just get the chess guys to help put the table back on the roof
46923	ROXY: and maybe salvage the cake out of that sand dune over there...
46924	ROXY: aaaaand NOPE the chess guys just finished eatin it
46925	ROXY: lets just bake another k?
46926	JANE: NO, I WAS SERIOUS!
46927	JANE: I'M NOT...
46928	JANE: I'm not in the mood for a party anymore.
46929	ROXY: so it sounds like
46930	ROXY: u got jaked
46931	JANE: >:(
46932	ROXY: why yes
46933	ROXY: that is the face of a girl who just got english'd with extreme prejudice
46934	ROXY: he was a block head and forgot your birthday didnt he
46935	ROXY: im sorry jane
46936	JANE: Yeah, me too. Can we maybe not rehash the whole terrible conversation though??
46937	ROXY: yeah we dont have to
46938	ROXY: just maybe try not to hold whatever dumb shit he said against him forever?
46939	ROXY: thats just how the guy is
46940	ROXY: its like
46941	ROXY: he doesnt mean to be a douche
46942	ROXY: but its just kind of a byproduct of the whole ridiculous jake english experience
46943	ROXY: like his dunkass shenanigans leave behind a residue that looks like douche and tastes like douche but it aint the real thing?
46944	ROXY: like douche substitute
46945	ROXY: "i cant believe its not douche"
46946	ROXY: um
46947	ROXY: im just trying to say not terrible things about him in hopes you dont start hating each other but i guess this isnt what you wanna hear now
46948	JANE: >:(
46949	ROXY: soooo yeah
46950	ROXY: i guess jakes dumpin dirk soon?
46951	ROXY: hahah like the writing wasnt so on the wall with those two from day one
46952	ROXY: poor dirk
46953	ROXY: ive wanted to say something to prepare him for that but
46954	ROXY: never had the heart to bring it up i guess?
46955	ROXY: what can u do....
46956	ROXY: hey
46957	ROXY: but the silver lining is
46958	ROXY: i mean if you can forgive him for shitting on your bday and stuff
46959	ROXY: maybe this is finally your chance to make a play 4 the j man??
46960	ROXY: ehhhh??? ;)
46961	FEFETASPRITE: 3833 < 38D
46962	JANE: ROXY, PLEASE.
46963	JANE: AS IF THAT ISN'T THE FURTHEST THING FROM MY MIND RIGHT NOW!
46964	JANE: I AM SO DONE WITH THAT WHOLE TRAIN OF THOUGHT.
46965	ROXY: so you really think youre just
46966	ROXY: completely over him?
46967	JANE: YESSIREE!
46968	JANE: IF JAKE'S THE RAINBOW, THEN JUST CALL ME A LITTLE HOUSE FROM KANSAS!
46969	JANE: WHEEEEEE!
46970	ROXY: wait rly
46971	ROXY: as in like you dont give a shit if he dates anybody or
46972	JANE: MMMMMMMHM!!!
46973	ROXY: i seeee
46974	ROXY: iiiiiinteresting!
46975	FEFETASPRITE: 3833 < 38O
46976	JANE: WAIT...
46977	JANE: WHAT??
46978	JANE: WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN???
46979	ROXY: nothing!
46980	ROXY: i was just...
46981	ROXY: it was a joke!
46982	JANE: WAS IT REALLY?!
46983	ROXY: ok maybe not a total joke
46984	ROXY: but still mostly a joke!
46985	ROXY: im only
46986	ROXY: trying to
46987	ROXY: blurgh
46988	ROXY: i dont know
46989	JANE: ROXY, I GET YOU'RE TRYING TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER, BUT A LOT OF THINGS YOU'RE SAYING HERE AREN'T REALLY HELPING!
46990	JANE: DO YOU EVEN REALIZE WHAT YOU'RE SAYING HALF THE TIME?
46991	JANE: I THINK I LIKED YOU BETTER WHEN YOU WERE DRINKING!
46992	ROXY: jaaane no
46993	ROXY: dont say that
46994	ROXY: i had a problem :(
46995	FEFETASPRITE: 3833 < 38(
46996	JANE: OK, YEAH!
46997	JANE: I WAS WAY OUT OF LINE THERE AND I'M SORRY!
46998	JANE: THAT STUPID CONVERSATION WITH JAKE JUST PUSHED ME OVER SOME KIND OF EDGE AND NOW I AM FEELING REALLY, REALLY DISTRAUGHT!
46999	JANE: THIS GAME IS SO MUCH MORE DEPRESSING THAN I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE! EVERYTHING IS DEAD AND EMPTY AND FULL OF GRAVES AND ALL WE'RE SUPPOSED TO DO IS JUST KEEP WAITING AND WAITING AND WAITING! BUT FOR HOW MUCH LONGER? AND I STILL DON'T KNOW WHERE MY DAD IS, AND YOU STILL HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO REACH CALLIOPE, AND WHAT IF THEY'RE BOTH...
47000	JANE: AND NOW ON TOP OF ALL THAT, I MAY HAVE PERMANENTLY DESTROYED MY FRIENDSHIP WITH JAKE!
47001	JANE: AND NOW...
47002	JANE: Now...
47003	JANE: I just want to be alone.
47004	ROXY: jane wait
47005	JANE: I have to go!
47006	ROXY: where are you going!
47007	JANE: HOME!!!
47008	ROXY: good lard
47009	ROXY: all my friends are being disasters
47010	ROXY: welp looks like its just us
47011	ROXY: party nite w gcat and fefeta
47012	ROXY: fefeta???
47013	ROXY: oh dangit
47014	ROXY: hey you know i could have used some support there
47015	ROXY: where was all that profound shippin expertise when we really needed it!
47016	ROXY: usually i can barely shut you up girl
47017	ROXY: maybe you just clammed up at all the drama?
47018	ROXY: hehehe youd have loved that pun
47019	ROXY: the one i just said about the clams
47020	ROXY: aw its ok you had enough drama in your lives
47021	ROXY: you deserve some rest
47022	ROXY: good night sweet princess
47023	ROXY: sooo
47024	ROXY: gcat
47025	ROXY: i guess that just leaves the two of us
47026	ROXY: wow this is
47027	ROXY: great?
47028	ROXY: you gonna behave urself
47029	ROXY: not do anything too uh
47030	ROXY: vexing or cheshire catty
47031	ROXY: i hope?
47032	ROXY: oh mother fuck
47033	uu: CROCKER.
47034	uu: HEY IT'S ME.
47035	uu: REMEMBER ME?
47036	GG: What the?
47037	uu: TUMUT
47038	uu: OOPS NO.
47039	uu: *HOLDS SHIFT.* *NOSTALGICALLY.*
47040	uu: tumut
47041	uu: YESSSS.
47042	GG: Oh, you have GOT to be kidding me.
47043	GG: You are the absolute last person I want to hear from right now.
47044	GG: And the bottom of that list is pretty competitive territory at the moment!
47045	uu: DON'T BE LIKE THAT. YOU STUPID EARTH COW.
47046	uu: HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO BE BECOMING FRIENDS. IF YOU RECOIL FROM MY OLIVE BRANCH.
47047	uu: LIKE I'M FLAILING A WITHERED MUMMY'S SEVERED LIMB IN YOUR DIRECTION.
47048	GG: I don't want us to become friends!
47049	GG: We all thought you were gone for good. And we liked it that way!
47050	GG: Please don't tell me you've found a second wind of petty trolling in you.
47051	uu: HEY. I DON'T TROLL.
47052	uu: I *JEER*. GET IT RIGHT.
47053	uu: TROLLING IS FOR LOSERS. LOSERS SPECIFICALLY WHO ARE TROLLS.
47054	GG: Whatever. And what's with the ugly green text?
47055	GG: Reading your malformed sentence fragments was unpleasant enough as it was.
47056	uu: I BORROWED IT FROM MY SISTER.
47057	uu: AND SHUT UP. IT LOOKS GREAT.
47058	uu: AND IS NO UGLIER THAN YOU. WHO I CAN SEE NOW WITH EASE. FOR THE RECORD.
47059	GG: "Whom" you can see, moron.
47060	GG: And no, you can't!
47061	GG: Calliope said you couldn't see us at all in our game session. So I think you're lying!
47062	uu: AM I REALLY.
47063	uu: WHEN RIGHT NOW I AM LOOKING AT A HOMELY FEMALE IN DUMB BLUE PANTS. SULKING IN A GRAY PLACE. TYPING ON A COMPUTER WITH A STRANGE HUMAN FACE?
47064	GG: Oh, dear God.
47065	GG: WHY???
47066	uu: MY POWER HAS GROWN CONSIDERABLY SINCE I LAST JEERED YOU.
47067	uu: I HAVE MADE REMARKABLE STRIDES ON MY SACRED JOURNEY TOWARD IMPORTANT ADULTHOOD.
47068	uu: ON THIS BULLSHIT PLANET. WHICH USED TO BE YOUR HOME.
47069	uu: I HAVE FOUND MANY KEYS. AND UNLOCKED MANY HOLES.
47070	uu: AND NOW I CAN SEE MORE. AND LEARN MORE. THAN YOU COULD EVER FUCKING DREAM!
47071	GG: How wonderful for you.
47072	GG: I don't care how all-seeing and all-powerful you think you are.
47073	GG: If your intent is to waste my time with more of your pitiful bullying, you are out of luck.
47074	GG: Because that is exactly NOT the sort of crap I am in the mood for today.
47075	GG: Toodle-oo!!!
47076	uu: WAIT!
47077	uu: I THINK I GOT OFF ON THE WRONG FOOT.
47078	uu: HOW ABOUT WE. GNAW THAT ONE OFF AND START OVER?
47079	uu: I WAS TRYING TO PAY YOU A COMPLIMENT.
47080	GG: ??
47081	uu: MY PEOPLE AREN'T MEANT TO LIKE ANYBODY. GET IT?
47082	uu: I MEAN, NOT THE WAY HUMANS DO. WE DON'T HAVE THE HUMAN EMOTION CALLED "LOVEKHEKLFSDKF". AND WE SPONTANEOUSLY START MASHING KEYS. WHEN WE ARE FORCED TO EVEN TYPE THE WORD.
47083	uu: ALL OUR RELATIONSHIPS ARE DICTATED BY THE MIRACLE OF HATRED. SO WHEN I USE BAD WORDS TOWARD YOU. THAT'S JUST ME SAYING THINGS TO TRY TO KNOW YOU BETTER.
47084	uu: LIKE. "SOCIALLYUOIPY".
47085	uu: AS A.
47086	uu: *SHUDDER*
47087	uu: A... "FRIENDJISJFDJISJSDKFLDJSDKLJF".
47088	uu: SO WHEN I SAY YOU'RE UGLY. WHICH YOU FACTUALLY ARE.
47089	uu: I MEAN THAT FROM MY PERSPECTIVE. OF BEING NORMAL, AND NOT A SHITTY ALIEN. TO SAY THAT YOU ARE ACTUALLY ATTRACTIVE IN AN UNPLEASANT WAY. TO MY BRAIN.
47090	GG: Hrm.
47091	GG: Nope. That makes very little sense.
47092	uu: FUCK. TRY USING YOUR SUPPOSEDLY BETTER SMARTNESS THAN MINE.
47093	uu: AND THINK SOMEWHAT LATERALLY. ABOUT LIKE. FUCKING CULTURE. THAT ISN'T *YOURS*.
47094	uu: YOU DUMB BITCH.
47095	GG: Yes, I see it all too clearly now. You're really quite the charmer!
47096	uu: NO. COME ON. "DUMB BITCH" IS ANOTHER GREAT COMPLIMENT.
47097	uu: IN THE SAME VEIN AS THAT WHICH I JUST DESCRIBED.
47098	uu: IT'S A TERM OF "ENDEARMENKSKLJJF" I USE TO TALK ABOUT GIRLS. WHO IN MY VIEW HAVE MANAGED TO AVOID BEING.
47099	uu: UTTERLY BENEATH MY PERSONAL ACKNOWLEDGEMENT. THIS ISN'T COMPLICATED.
47100	GG: Uh huh.
47101	GG: So you're actually trying to claim that you find me attractive, from the alleged "bad means good" point of view of your hate-driven species?
47102	uu: DEFINITELY.
47103	uu: I'M NOT JOKING AROUND, CROCKER.
47104	uu: I'VE UNLOCKED A BUNCH OF YOUR SCREENS. AND SPENT A LOT OF TIME WATCHING YOU.
47105	uu: WHILE THINKING. JUST.
47106	uu: THE *DIIIIRTIEST* THOUGHTS.
47107	uu: HEE HEE. HAA.
47108	GG: Eww.
47109	GG: You pig.
47110	uu: THE OTHER FEMALE TOO. LET'S NOT FORGET YOUR SQUAD'S BACKUP BITCH.
47111	uu: HOW NASTY IS SHE?? JUST SO FOUL. AND THE THINGS YOU GET UP TO WITH ONE ANOTHER. OH MY.
47112	uu: NEED I EVEN CITE THE ALTERCATION WITH YOUR PUFFY SLUMBER LOAVES?
47113	GG: Excuse me??
47114	uu: MY COMPLIMENTS IN PARTICULAR. ON YOUR COLORFUL UNDERGARMENTS.
47115	uu: WHILE BOUNCING UP AND DOWN ON THE SOFT HUMAN SARSWAPAGUS.
47116	GG: Oh, that's just great.
47117	GG: The ONE TIME we had a generic girly pillow fight, and it turns out some pervert was watching us.
47118	GG: I think I need a shower.
47119	GG: Assuming I can ever take one again in peace!
47120	uu: DON'T WORRY. YOU CAN'T.
47121	uu: BUT SERIOUSLY. JANE. CAN I CALL YOU JANE? BITCH, LISTEN.
47122	uu: YOU ARE ONE GRODY HARLOT. WHICH MEANS GOOD (BAD) THINGS TO ME, LET'S REMEMBER.
47123	uu: WHEN I UNLOCKED YOU. I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE I'VE CHANGED? OR MAYBE JUST YOU. SINCE YOU TURNED OLDER. BUT YOU'VE REALLY.
47124	uu: FILLED OUT.
47125	uu: SINCE I LAST SAW YOU BEFORE.
47126	GG: What?
47127	GG: ...
47128	GG: Really?
47129	uu: HELL YES.
47130	uu: I DO ENJOY A MEATY BITCH. WITH A LITTLE CLOUT.
47131	GG: What do you mean, exactly...
47132	GG: By "clout?"
47133	uu: OH. I THINK YOU KNOW.
47134	uu: WHEN PHYSICAL PORTIONS OF THE BITCH. KIND OF JUT OUT. EXUBERANTLY.
47135	GG: Do you mean...
47136	GG: My...
47137	GG: Why am I even having this conversation!
47138	uu: I JUST HAVE A WEAK SPOT. FOR THE ABOVE AVERAGE HEFT OF YOUR PARTS. WHICH WOBBLE THE MOST.
47139	uu: NOW DO SOMETHING NAUSEATING FOR ME TO WATCH.
47140	uu: I WANT TO SEE A TAWDRY ACT OF HARD CORE SCHMALTZ.
47141	uu: SEE THAT ROCK OVER THERE. PRETEND IT IS THE OTHER INSOLENT BITCH.
47142	uu: ACT A LITTLE NERVOUS. WITH YOUR IDLE HAND, GRAZE ONE OF YOUR MORE BULBOUS LOCATIONS "INCIDENTALLY".
47143	uu: THEN ASK THE ROCK IF IT WANTS TO FALL IN LOVE!!! OOOOOOOH.
47144	GG: What? No!
47145	GG: Are you insane?
47146	GG: I don't care where you are, or whatever the hell it is you "unlocked" to spy on me.
47147	GG: You aren't allowed to sit there all day leering at my boobs!!!
47148	uu: YOUR WHAT.
47149	GG: My... what?
47150	GG: Wait, what were YOU talking about?
47151	uu: NO. TELL ME WHAT THOSE THINGS YOU SAID ARE. I'M SO ENTICED!
47152	GG: Screw you!
47153	GG: Tell me what you were getting at with all that!!
47154	GG: The stuff about "clout," and my "bulbous locations."
47155	uu: I WAS JUST SAYING. MY TASTE PREFERS.
47156	uu: WHEN THE BUXOM SHREW'S PHYSIQUE PUTS A HEALTHY DENT IN SPACETIME.
47157	GG: Spacetime??
47158	uu: I LIKE HOW SALTY IT IS. WHEN A BITCH GROWS OUT OF HER SKELETAL PHASE.
47159	uu: AND HER FRAME REALLY BEGINS TO CHALLENGE THE HORIZONTAL DIMENSIONS.
47160	GG: WHAT!
47161	uu: WHEN THE FEMALE RUMP STARTS GETTING MORE MILEAGE OUT OF ITS WIDENESS ATTRIBUTE. MORE BANG FOR ITS BOONBUCK!
47162	uu: IT EXCITES ME BETTER. WHEN BITCHES PUNISH THE GROUND. WITH EACH MEGALITHIC FOOTSTEP.
47163	GG: SHUT UP!
47164	GG: I'M NOT FAT!!!
47165	uu: JANE BITCH. I HAVE NEW ORDERS.
47166	uu: YOU WILL STRIP TO THE SCANTY PAIR OF PARTY PANTS AND THE CLOTH CHEST PIECE WHICH YOU WEAR UNDER THOSE PLAIN RAGS.
47167	uu: THEN FIND A NAUGHTY PATCH OF MUD.
47168	uu: AND ROLL AROUND IN THE MUD. LIKE AN EARTH PIG.
47169	uu: FLAUNTING FOR ME. YOUR SLIPPERY AND SWOLLEN PORCINE PHYSICALITY.
47170	uu: AND MAYBE GRUNT SOME DECADENT POEMS THROUGH YOUR SNOUT. ABOUT SOME SHITFACE YOU "ADOREFJSDKLJJF".
47171	uu: OOOOH YES.
47172	uu: THAT WOULD BE.
47173	uu: *WRRRRETCHED!*
47174	GG: GO FUCK YOURSELF!
47175	uu: WAIT! DON'T SHUT ME OUT.
47176	uu: REMEMBER WHAT I SAID. ABOUT OUR DIFFERENT CULTURES OR WHATEVER.
47177	uu: HAVE A FUCKING OPEN MIND, JANE.
47178	uu: I MADE YOU A PRESENT. FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY. WHATEVER THAT ACTUALLY IS.
47179	uu: SEE HOW I'M MAKING AN EFFORT TO UNDERSTAND YOUR CUSTOMS?
47180	uu: MEET ME HALF OF THE GODDAMN WAY.
47181	GG: Oh cripes.
47182	GG: What is it?
47183	uu: A SUBLIME ARTISTIC PORTRAIT.
47184	uu: REMEMBER HOW I SAID MY POWER WAS GROWING WITH EACH DAY.
47185	uu: THIS APPLIES AS WELL TO MY PROWESS AS A DRAFTSMAN.
47186	GG: Oh goodness, no. You poor delusional thing.
47187	GG: I don't care what progress you think you've made. You will never be a good artist, dear.
47188	uu: HORSESHIT.
47189	uu: MY ILLUSTRATION IS STUNNING. IT IS NEARLY A PHOTOGRAPHIC REPRESENTATION OF YOUR ODIOUS MILKSHAKE.
47190	uu: NOW PARK THE INDUSTRIAL LOAD OF FREIGHT YOU DECLARE A BOTTOM. AND FEAST YOUR EYES ON MY FUCKING EXCELLENCE!
47191	uu: http://tinyurl.com/JANETHISISYOU
47192	GG: Groan.
47193	uu: I BELIEVE I HAVE CHOSEN THE PERFECT SHAPE FOR YOU.
47194	uu: IT IS DESCRIBED IN CERTAIN CIRCLES KNOWLEDGEABLE OF THE ARTS. AS. "A CIRCLE".
47195	uu: I AM VERY PLEASED WITH HOW FAITHFULLY IT HAS CAPTURED THE OBSCENE ROTUNDITY. OF YOUR MAGNIFICENT CARRIAGE.
47196	uu: TRULY A SPITTING IMAGE OF THE CROCKER BITCH.
47197	uu: NOW LISTEN CAREFULLY. YOU MAY LEARN SOMETHING.
47198	uu: THE MASTERPIECE AFICIONADO WILL NOTICE. HOW I ACHIEVED THIS HIGHLY ADVANCED AND DIFFICULT SHAPE.
47199	uu: WHAT MOST GIFTED ARTISANS WILL TELL YOU. IS THAT. CIRCLES ARE BASICALLY FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE TO DRAW.
47200	uu: TRUST ME.
47201	uu: IT'S LIKE A PARADOX. A SHAPE WITHOUT ANGLES. WHAT??
47202	uu: SO I FUCKING CHEATED.
47203	uu: I NAVIGATED THE IRRATIONAL PERIMETER BY MAKING A LOT OF EASILY UNDERSTANDABLE, TOTALLY LOGICAL MARKS. FORMING A WHOLE BUNCH OF LITTLE RIGHT ANGLES.
47204	uu: THE CHEATING PART HAPPENS WHEN I DO THIS A LOT. SO IT GOES IN A ROUND DIRECTION.
47205	uu: THIS ONE CAME OUT WELL I THINK. BUT THERE'S ROOM TO IMPROVE.
47206	uu: I HAVE THEORIZED THAT IF I KEEP MAKING BOGUS CIRCLES LIKE THIS.
47207	uu: WHILE DRAWING MORE AND MORE ANGLES. BUT SMALLER. SO SMALL THAT YOU START CAN'T SEEING THEM.
47208	uu: THAT THE ILLUSION OF THE CIRCLE WILL BE COMPLETE! AND PEOPLE WILL BELIEVE IN THE FAKE CIRCLE. LIKE A BUNCH OF SUCKERS.
47209	uu: I BET NOBODY HAS THOUGHT OF THAT CIRCLE STRATEGY. I THINK I'M THE FIRST AT THIS IDEA. AND BEST AT IT ALREADY.
47210	uu: PEOPLE THINK I'M DUMB. ESPECIALLY THE VOICE IN MY HEAD.
47211	uu: AND THEY MAY BE RIGHT ABOUT ME BEING DUMB.
47212	uu: BUT WHEN IT COMES TO THE SPECIAL WAY I DO THINGS. WHICH IS ALWAYS ACTUALLY. THE PERFECT WAY.
47213	uu: I AM.
47214	uu: A GENIUS!
47215	GG: That is the most pointless and incomprehensible load of drivel I have ever read.
47216	GG: Your "portrait" is every bit as abysmal as I was expecting. And for the last time. I AM NOT FAT.
47217	GG: I think your claims of attraction to heavyset women, which you present as "flattery," is an obvious ruse to get me to feel insecure about my appearance, and it isn't going to work!
47218	uu: OINK.
47219	GG: SHUT YOUR STUPID FACE!!!
47220	GG: UGH, THIS BIRTHDAY IS SO AWFUL! I CAN'T STAND IT!
47221	GG: WHY IS EVERYONE TREATING ME LIKE SHIT TODAY?
47222	GG: WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS?!
47223	uu: YOU WERE. WAIT. WHAT'S THE CONJUGATION ASSOCIATED WITH "HUMAN BIRTH"?
47224	uu: IS IT. HUMAN BORTH?
47225	uu: YOU WERE HUMAN BORTH.
47226	GG: SHUT UP!
47227	GG: I'M DONE HUMORING YOUR PERVERTED ADOLESCENT MIND GAMES!
47228	GG: TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED TO CALLIOPE!
47229	GG: CALLIOPE!!!
47230	GG: WE WANT YOU BACK! PLEASE COME BACK AND SPARE US FROM THIS LECHEROUS NINCOMPOOP!
47231	GG: CALLIOPE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
47232	GG: WHY DOESN'T THIS WORK?!
47233	uu: SAYING HER NAME ONLY WAKES HER UP. IF SHE'S ALIVE.
47234	uu: SO YOUR HOG FACE CAN SNORT THE DIRTY SYLLABLES ALL IT WANTS. HELL, I WILL EVEN GIVE YOU A HAND!
47235	uu: CALLIOPE! WAKE UP SIS!
47236	uu: HAA HAA, WHOOPS. SHE CAN'T.
47237	uu: THE BITCH IS DEAD!
47238	GG: I DON'T BELIEVE YOU!
47239	uu: NO IT'S TRUE. I GOT SOMEBODY TO STAB HER A LOT.
47240	uu: THEN I STOLE HER BLOOD FOR MY LETTERS.
47241	GG: NO!!! THAT CAN'T BE TRUE! I REFUSE TO BELIEVE EVEN YOU WOULD DO SOMETHING SO TERRIBLE!
47242	uu: JANE BITCH. YOUR PREPOSTEROUS FEMALE EMOTIONS ARE GOING EARTH BANANAS AGAIN.
47243	uu: SETTLE DOWN AND LISTEN TO BOY REASON. DO NOT MAKE ME DEMONSTRATE THE VERACITY OF MY FACTS. YET AGAIN.
47244	uu: THAT SACCHARINE TRAMP IS SUCH A GONER. SHE'S NEVER COMING BACK.
47245	uu: JUST LIKE YOUR DAPPER HUMAN GUARDIAN.
47246	GG: WHAT?? WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT MY FATHER!
47247	GG: WHERE IS HE?
47248	uu: HE'S FUCKING DEAD IS WHERE.
47249	GG: YOU'RE LYING AGAIN!!!
47250	GG: TELL ME WHAT YOU KNOW!
47251	uu: GOD. I'M TRYING TO.
47252	uu: MY FACTS ARE HAVING DIFFICULTY PENETRATING YOUR HYSTERICAL ATTITUDE. LISTEN TO ME VERY CLOSE.
47253	uu: HE WAS CAPTURED BY AN AGENT SOON AFTER YOU BEGAN YOUR QUEST. HE WAS THEN PUT IN JAIL ON DERSE.
47254	GG: Ok...
47255	GG: So he's on Derse, then?
47256	uu: BITCH, YOU AREN'T PAYING ATTENTION. DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THE PRISON SYSTEM ON DERSE?
47257	uu: IT ISN'T LIKE THE SOFT TIME YOU DO ON PROSPIT. I BET YOU NEVER SPENT ANY TIME IN THE JOKE THEY CALL A SLAMMER THERE. LET ALONE ON DERSE.
47258	GG: And I suppose you have??
47259	uu: I WAS NOT VERY WELL BEHAVED. I DID MORE THAN MY SHARE OF TIME. CHAINED TO THE WALL OF A CELL.
47260	uu: HEE HEE! LIKE I WASN'T SO USED TO THAT. I WAS LIKE. DO YOUR WORST.
47261	uu: AND THEN THEY DID. DERSITES DO NOT TREAT THEIR PRISONERS GOOD. TO SAY THE LEAST!
47262	uu: I WAS ONLY ABLE TO SURVIVE THE BRUTALITY. DUE TO MY EXCEPTIONAL CONSTITUTION. AND EVEN TO SOME EXTENT. MY ABILITY TO ENJOY ANGUISH.
47263	uu: BUT YOUR PATHETIC, FRAIL HUMAN "DAD" IS A DIFFERENT STORY. THERE IS NO DOUBT AT ALL. THAT HE IS DEAD BY NOW!
47264	GG: No. Don't say that. Shut up!
47265	uu: YOU REALLY SHOULD BELIEVE ME. I HAVE UNLOCKED MANY OF HIS SCREENS, JUST LIKE YOURS.
47266	uu: YOU SHOULD SEE HOW THEY TREATED HIM! THE HORROR HE EXPERIENCED MUST BE DIFFICULT FOR A HUMAN GIRL TO IMAGINE.
47267	uu: PERHAPS I SHOULD CAPTURE ONE OF THE VISUALS. AND SHOW YOU FIRST HAND?
47268	GG: YOU BASTARD! I SAID SHUT UP!!!
47269	uu: HIS AGONY WAS MAGNIFICENT. AND VERY LONG LASTING. YOU SEE. HE WAS A VIP.
47270	uu: A VERY IMPORTANT PRISONER. SO THEY GAVE HIM SPECIAL TREATMENT.
47271	uu: UNDER SUCH CRUEL CIRCUMSTANCES. I BELIEVE HE WOULD HAVE TRADED HIS FAVORITE HAT. FOR A SWIFT END TO HIS HILARIOUS SUFFERING!
47272	GG: STOP IT
47273	uu: BUT IT WAS SO WONDERFUL AND GREAT TO WATCH!
47274	uu: BETWEEN YOUR FATHER'S DEMISE. AND HIS DAUGHTER'S EPIC POSTERIOR. LOOMING LARGE ON MY VIDEO DISPLAYS.
47275	uu: I REALLY MUST THANK YOUR ENTIRE "FAMILY". FOR HOURS OF SCANDALOUS ENJOYMENT!
47276	GG: SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!!!!!
47277	GG: FUCK YOU! HE'S NOT DEAD!
47278	GG: MY DAD'S FINE, I'M NOT FAT, AND I HATE YOU! I'M NEVER TALKING TO YOU AGAIN!!!!!!
47279	GG: AND STOP WATCHING ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
47280	Let's see what's in the news today.
47281	No surprise here. The archagent is dominating the headlines, yet again. Already approaching day 154 of this debacle. It's a big day for your kingdom. Hard to believe it's here already. Time sure flies when you're being smooth and well dressed.
47282	The article covers the usual tedious politics surrounding the negotiation of his release. After weeks of posturing and grandstanding, Prospit's terms have been bargained down to a polite apology, signed by the Condesce herself. Or those were the terms you were last aware of. You check to see if there have been any further developments. Yeah, just as you thought. She refused those terms. Prospit then countered with a new offer. The apology no longer has to be polite.
47283	No way she cottons to that proposal either. It's quite obvious to you what's going on here. The white queen was never really taking this negotiation seriously. She has been submitting frivolous proposals which she knows perfectly well the Condesce will refuse on principle, daring her in front of the whole kingdom to swallow just an ounce of pride to get her agent back. This makes her look petty in the tabloids if she refuses, which was always inevitable. Because as everyone knows, a queen is a vain creature. Even alien sea queens.
47284	And you thought the kingdoms were locked in a stalemate BEFORE new management took over.
47285	The press has run the story so far into the ground, you can barely bring yourself to keep up with it anymore. Sensationalism at its finest.
47286	Not that you're really itching to see Noir get his old job back. Talk about a high strung boss. The time in the clink should do him good. Like a forced vacation, with accommodations nearly on par with a five star hotel on Derse. Frankly, things run much smoother around here without him blowing a gasket every other day.
47287	Though you will say you could really use his expertise as a pencil pusher. You never knew anyone who could file paperwork quite like Noir. Sure he complained bitterly about his desk job, but in truth he was always a reluctant savant of bureaucratic procedure and red tape. Now you're getting buried in all these damn tax forms and parking tickets. Maybe you should have them shuttled to his jail cell on Prospit so he can catch up? You have a feeling the Prospitian authorities would be willing to oblige. Actually, that's such a good idea, you can't believe you didn't think of it sooner. You'll have to get the Droll on that pronto.
47288	You step over to your cubicle of FENESTRATED WALLS, which you had replaced since the Prince trashed the old ones. You ordered the Droll to sneak off to one of their worlds and whip up some fresh ones, with a few alchemical upgrades while he was at it. The Droll isn't really the sharpest tool in the shed, but he's certainly the most versatile. Also the most eager to please. If you have to watch his happy umbrella dance one more time, you swear to God...
47289	That was a black day for Derse, when the Prince went rogue. Well not rogue, that's a bad choice of words. Why did the damn moon girl have to be a Rogue? Corners you into that pun every time. And it wasn't really a black day either, per se, since on Derse a black day is actually a good day. Everyone's a pretty big fan of black round these parts. The point is, everything went to shit. You like to think you taught those seditious brats a lesson though. What with the miles. Their inescapability. Etcetera.
47290	And it's a good thing you taught them a lesson when you did. Because the next day, the Condesce had new orders for all agents. Engaging the Nobles was thereafter strictly forbidden. No more sabotage, assassination attempts, any of that good stuff. Not until the heiress' wriggling day. Then all bets are off. Who's the heiress and what's a wriggling day, you asked. The heiress is the Maid. Ok you said. And her wriggling day? That's just her birthday, but phrased in alien. Like the anniversary of the day she was spawned, with cake and all that jazz. Come on, use your brain. Alright, got it, you said.
47291	Anyway, that's tomorrow.
47292	Your guess is the orders came down from her boss, who from what you've gathered, is even more of a headcase than your presently incarcerated superior. When she starts kicking up a fuss, yelling at people, forking any poor slob unfortunate enough to make a misstep while grooming her hair, you know too well that's the frustration of an exasperated first officer. Would almost make you feel sympathy for the witch, if you, like she, weren't clinically psychopathic.
47293	She's never copped to it, but you just know she's got some schemes on the side. Every good right hand is gonna have something up its sleeve, some sort of contingency plan the boss doesn't know about. Trust you on that one. She's cooking something. It probably has something to do with the new prisoner she reeled in. You don't know what she wants with the girl yet, but she's always got something cooking. Or baking. Whatever. The point is, the woman spends a lot of time in the kitchen.
47294	Speaking of the new prisoner, you wonder how the old one is doing.
47295	You're not gonna check on the new one. She's out of your jurisdiction. Like you said, the witch has her schemes. Whatever they are, you're going to leave that alone.
47296	You're more curious about the status of the fellow you captured 153 days ago.
47297	You take a stroll through the Derse penitentiary. This is where the gen pop is housed. For inmates life is usually unpleasant and short down here. But the moment you laid eyes on the human prisoner, you knew you could never in good conscience lock him up in the dungeons and gulags with the common thieves, tax cheats and parking fee delinquents. That would be a crime worse than those committed by all the inmates combined.
47298	No, a man of such distinction and strong fashion sense needed special accommodations. A cell reserved for Very Important Prisoners.
47299	Going up.
47300	The prisoner appears to be doing well. You ask if you can get him anything. Coffee? A newspaper? Additional smoking apparatus? He indicates that since he lost his wallet, he's been running low on pipe tobacco. You say you'll see to it at once.
47301	While this is a maximum security suite that is virtually impossible to escape from, you've made it clear to all personnel that anyone who harms a hair on this man's head will have to answer to you. They are all very fortunate that his head doesn't seem to have any.
47302	God DAMN he is good at shaving. You are not afraid to admit your envy when it comes to his prowess with a straight edge, not even to speak of his natural ability to grow whiskers in the first place. The lucky stiff.
47303	No need to ask. You can plainly see he is conducting some rather serious business with his mobile device.
47304	The network restricts access to within Derse only, so he can't contact the Nobles and do anything sneaky. But at his request you have set up a kingdom-wide network to trade online tips with other Dersites pertaining to his interests. Notably fashion.
47305	In the weeks since his arrest, the captive has become something of a celebrity on Derse. His impeccable sense of business-like attire has taken the kingdom by storm, and now trends feverishly among social networking groups. Ok, there is only one social networking group, but it's trending feverishly in that one. You can't say you've been totally impervious to the craze yourself. Nor can you say you weren't shamelessly complicit in promoting it. Hell, you can't even say you didn't mandate certain dress code modifications throughout the kingdom, enforced under penalty of death. Nope, can't really say you can say any of that stuff.
47306	HATLIKER: @ALL: HELP! NEED HELP.
47307	1dapperblackshell: @HATLIKER, state business
47308	FineryFiend: @HATLIKER: ???
47309	NoNeed4PantsThx: @HATLIKER i'm very concerned. tell me what is wrong.
47310	pipefan413: YES, @HATLIKER. WE ARE HERE FOR YOU.
47311	HATLIKER: I SAT ON MY FAVORITE HAT!
47312	NoNeed4PantsThx: @HATLIKER gasp
47313	FineryFiend: @HATLIKER !
47314	ChuffedAboutDuds: @HATLIKER this is not a black day for you. my condolences.
47315	HATLIKER: IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. AFRAID HAT IS RUINED.
47316	HATLIKER: PLEASE ADVISE.
47317	WANT_MORE_SOCKS: @HATLIKER are at least socks ok
47318	HATLIKER: @WANT_MORE_SOCKS YES, SOCKS ARE OK.
47319	WANT_MORE_SOCKS: @HATLIKER did you sit on socks too
47320	HATLIKER: @WANT_MORE_SOCKS NO. DID NOT SIT ON SOCKS. I DO NOT THINK SITTING ON SOCKS WOULD BE PROBLEM THOUGH?
47321	WANT_MORE_SOCKS: @HATLIKER no it is doubtful. fair enough.
47322	1dapperblackshell: @HATLIKER, need more information before can advise. please state your weight.
47323	NoNeed4PantsThx: @HATLIKER agreed. exactly how much vertical pressure was applied to top of the hat?
47324	FineryFiend: @HATLIKER: report extent of damage to hat.
47325	HATLIKER: NOT SURE. HAT IN BAD SHAPE. DOES NOT RESEMBLE HAT MUCH ANYMORE. CONSIDERABLY LESS HANDSOME.
47326	HATLIKER: MORE LIKE RUMPLED HEAD OBJECT NOW.
47327	1dapperblackshell: @HATLIKER, attempt to rectify hat integrity
47328	1dapperblackshell: @HATLIKER, use same blunt instrument which got you into mess in first place
47329	HATLIKER: @1dapperblackshell THANK YOU FOR ADVICE. DO YOU MEAN MY BOTTOM.
47330	1dapperblackshell: @HATLIKER, y
47331	WANT_MORE_SOCKS: @HATLIKER yes agree w @1dapperblackshell
47332	WANT_MORE_SOCKS: @HATLIKER unsit on hat
47333	FineryFiend: @WANT_MORE_SOCKS can one unsit on a hat???
47334	WANT_MORE_SOCKS: @FineryFiend maybe, idk.
47335	ChuffedAboutDuds: @HATLIKER turn hat upside down, then sit on hat?
47336	1dapperblackshell: @HATLIKER, y, agree w @ChuffedAboutDuds, sit on upside down hat to unrumple
47337	pipefan413: @HATLIKER. THESE MEN ARE LEADING YOU ASTRAY. SITTING ON THE HAT AGAIN WILL ONLY CAUSE IT FURTHER DAMAGE.
47338	NoNeed4PantsThx: @pipefan413, this will be the case even if the rumpled hat is inverted?
47339	pipefan413: @NoNeed4PantsThx. YES. THIS WILL BE THE CASE REGARDLESS OF THE HAT'S ORIENTATION.
47340	FineryFiend: greatly respect @pipefan413's knowledge of finery. i endorse his warning.
47341	ChuffedAboutDuds: @FineryFiend me too.
47342	1dapperblackshell: @FineryFiend so do i
47343	WANT_MORE_SOCKS: on @pipefan413's recommendation i withdraw my motion to unsit on the hat
47344	WANT_MORE_SOCKS changes status to APOLOGETIC.
47345	HATLIKER: @WANT_MORE_SOCKS: OK I AM NOW REFRAINING FROM UNSITTING ON HAT.
47346	HATLIKER: @ALL: OTHER IDEAS?
47347	ChuffedAboutDuds: @HATLIKER yes.
47348	HATLIKER: @ChuffedAboutDuds: GO ON, @ChuffedAboutDuds.
47349	ChuffedAboutDuds: @HATLIKER do you suppose it is possible that rumpled head object may have intrinsic value?
47350	FineryFiend: @ChuffedAboutDuds i do not understand.
47351	ChuffedAboutDuds: @FineryFiend thinking outside the shell here.
47352	ChuffedAboutDuds: @HATLIKER perhaps bring rumpled object to haberdasher for appraisal?
47353	1dapperblackshell: @ChuffedAboutDuds, u suspect damage from bottom has caused hat to appreciate?
47354	FineryFiend: @ChuffedAboutDuds fascinating point of speculation; i wonder.
47355	NoNeed4PantsThx: @ChuffedAboutDuds, if that is case, perhaps sitting on hat has released fashionable properties, heretofore concealed by unrumpled condition?
47356	1dapperblackshell: @NoNeed4PantsThx you are suggesting the damaged hat will look more dapper?
47357	NoNeed4PantsThx: @1dapperblackshell, it is a possibility.
47358	WANT_MORE_SOCKS: @1dapperblackshell oh what if @HATLIKER struts in public wearing new rumpled head object with pride
47359	WANT_MORE_SOCKS: @ALL what if @HATLIKER begins new fashion sensation?
47360	FineryFiend: @WANT_MORE_SOCKS what an exciting thing that would be.
47361	HATLIKER: @WANT_MORE_SOCKS I WANT TO BE POPULAR AND FAMOUS. BUT I DO NOT THINK I HAVE THE COURAGE.
47362	WANT_MORE_SOCKS: @HATLIKER what if you were to have company in wearing a damaged hat
47363	NoNeed4PantsThx: @WANT_MORE_SOCKS, yes, maybe i will sit on my favorite hat as well.
47364	FineryFiend: @NoNeed4PantsThx yes, me too.
47365	1dapperblackshell: @FineryFiend let us all create rumpled head objects; wear proudly
47366	pipefan413: @ALL. I CANNOT CONDONE THIS ACTIVITY, GENTLEMEN.
47367	1dapperblackshell: @pipefan413 why not @pipefan413
47368	FineryFiend: @pipefan413 why not?
47369	NoNeed4PantsThx: @pipefan413, why not?
47370	WANT_MORE_SOCKS: @pipefan413 why not
47371	HATLIKER: @pipefan413 WHY NOT @pipefan413?
47372	ChuffedAboutDuds: @pipefan413 why not?
47373	The Dignitary: @HATLIKER: Incinerate the damaged hat immediately.
47374	The Dignitary: @HATLIKER: Do not ever wear such a thing in public.
47375	FineryFiend: !!!!!
47376	ChuffedAboutDuds: BURN THE HAT!
47377	NoNeed4PantsThx: BURN THE HAT!!!
47378	WANT_MORE_SOCKS: BURN IT!
47379	1dapperblackshell: BURN THE RUMPLED HAT!
47380	HATLIKER: I AM BURNING THE HAT!
47381	WANT_MORE_SOCKS: SITTING ON THE HAT WAS TERRIBLE!
47382	NoNeed4PantsThx: BURN ALL RUMPLED HATS!
47383	ChuffedAboutDuds: THEY AREN'T DAPPER AT ALL!!!!!
47384	1dapperblackshell: BURN THE MISTAKE WITH FIRE!
47385	)(IC: yo i cant deal w this prissy hat chat no more
47386	)(IC: public works my ass what a waste of royal gold
47387	ChuffedAboutDuds changes status to BOWING.
47388	WANT_MORE_SOCKS changes status to BOWING.
47389	NoNeed4PantsThx changes status to BOWING.
47390	FineryFiend changes status to BOWING.
47391	HATLIKER changes status to BOWING.
47392	1dapperblackshell changes status to BOWING.
47393	)(IC: this is what i get for lettin all proper dudes run shit instead of nasty clowns
47394	The Dignitary changes status to DOFFING HAT.
47395	)(IC: @The Dignitary i want ma ring back motha fuck
47396	Minus several.
47397	"i think you were supposed to just tackle him," beatrix said looking all kinds of put off.
47398	wizardy herbert reached down to the body of the fictional camper he just shot and picked up the flag. "same difference."
47399	"IS it?"
47400	"this is some lame magical version of capture the flag. the book wanted me to capture the flag from him. the flag has now been captured. anyway, hes just a kind of brainless puppet."
47401	"then what are we?" she asked.
47402	"i dunno. brainless puppets whove spent a few years in the real world. kind of like everyone else, i suppose."
47403	"jeez thats cynical. anyway, youre the one who said we should let the story play out the way its supposed to. im just pointing out your own rules."
47404	"ehhh." herbert made a dismissive gesture with his smoking gun. "these punks were starting to get on my nerves. we're making progress anyway. see? listen to that. russets scene is coming up. if i remember right this is the one that introduces his recurring love interest. also i guess the chief bad guy. i mean, sorta."
47405	she listened. there was yelling through the woods. it was coming closer.
47406	"help! herb! bea! where are you?!"
47407	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/wizardyherberttext1.png" border="0" />
47408	"herbert - OW - will you do something? OWW! sunuva. this cant be right!"
47409	herbert aimed carefully with his beretta at the head of russets assailant. he was way serious and stone cold about it. he was not going to miss.
47410	BANG.
47411	he missed. beatrix was grabbing his arm redirecting his aim. "herbert you have to stop!"
47412	"why beatrix" he said with a super sly smile. "if i didnt know better, id say you were taking some enjoyment from watchin your dear pal russets smackdown."
47413	"what? no!" she didnt let go of his arm. but he wouldnt quit his douchey smile. she went on. "you cant just keep offing fictional characters. its... i dunno. irresponsible."
47414	"yeah yeah."
47415	"besides you know the scene is supposed to play out like this. russet is supposed to get rescued. how is he supposed to get rescued if the bullies are dead? you cant just go around changing things."
47416	"i guess youre right."
47417	herbert holstered his gun admiring a few more choice sucker punches to russets midriff. OOF. that onell leave a mark. beatrix regained her calm. "so whos this guy thats supposed to save him?" she asked. "you say hes the villain?"
47418	"here he comes now."
47419	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/wizardyherberttext2.png" border="0" />
47420	beatrix squinted at the serpenook boy. she didnt know why she couldnt see it coming. "grant??"
47421	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/wizardyherberttext3.png" border="0" />
47422	"a favor?" russet said. but he was barely listening. the resemblance to his real life friend was uncanny. he was sure it was him. but here in this dumb prison he was no more than a soulless mannequin dreamt up to recite insipid horseshit.
47423	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/wizardyherberttext4.png" border="0" />
47424	actually he said it like a zombie. "never. ill never betray my friends."
47425	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/wizardyherberttext5.png" border="0" />
47426	"russet" he whispered.
47427	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/wizardyherberttext6.png" border="0" />
47428	the guy paused to remove his glasses and polished them on his sash. it came off as a seriously dramatic gesture, just as intended and also as explicitly stated in the text.
47429	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/wizardyherberttext7.png" border="0" />
47430
47431	herbert and beatrix were dressed in fanciful athletic gear. thats what kids wear when theyre about to embark on a journey to compete in some irrational magic <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/wizardyherberttextSPORTS.png" border="0" />. herbert had tucked under his arm a big stitched up leather ball with golden springs poking out of it for no good god damn reason. it was called a skubbump. beatrix had propped on her shoulder this funnel thing to be worn as a glove called a gimmidge horn, a crucial appendage for any drudsel scooper worth her salt. theyd been selected probably for some valorous deeds they did to represent fort crowsnest in this highly whimsical <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/wizardyherberttextSPORTS.png" border="0" /> event. russet was there too, but he didnt get chosen to play in the <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/wizardyherberttextSPORTS.png" border="0" /> due to some poorly explained stuff that no reasonable person could possibly care about even if offered loads of cash. he was mainly jacked into the scene to wave goodbye and wish them luck which he begrudgingly did.
47432	he also put in some time dodging questions and averting eye contact from his friends. he was being a champion at that.
47433	"russet! answer me!" beatrix demanded. "why the heck didnt you tell us? or tell grant for that matter?"
47434	herbert wasnt paying much attention. so russet was moody and cryptic and didnt tell people some stuff. what a bombshell. he worried at one of the springs poking out of his ridonkulous ball. it made a sproinging sound like a mouth harp and broke off. he wondered if the springs served any actual purpose. the springs did not serve any actual purpose.
47435	"how could you keep something like that from everyone? that you knew all along?"
47436	"i just wanted what was best for grant" he finally said.
47437	she had tons of questions but couldnt settle on the next one to ask. she wasnt about to let good body language go to waste so she did kinda what mimes do when they dont like something you said. how long did he know grant was from this dogshit wizardfic? howd he escape in the first place? was it really his spell that sealed them here? how long had he been planning this? she guessed that would explain why he had an absurdly obvious pseudonym. grant anonama? yeah like THATS a real name. great job bro, or should she say SLINUS. she wondered if his bogus name wasnt an anagram for something. like a clue dangled under their noses. magic bad guys do love their anagrams. they are just so damn clever and when you finally figure them out its like whoa INSTANT MINDFUCK.
47438	"hes quite a troubled person you know bea."
47439	herbert looked up from his skubbump. "well if RUSSET thinks so, then..."
47440	she gave up on the interrogation. when youre dealt a shit sandwich why go to war over who baked the bread. russet could stuff his dumb secrets in a sack for all she cared. what did she ever see in this moping tool? she never thought she would long for those times before they met. the old questing days before all this started. she was never exactly psyched to watch herbert assault a crazy old wizard with a pistol but now... ok she wasnt saying she wanted to see any more wizards get shot. she just meant she would trade all the badges in the world to go back to when things were simpler.
47441	it was time to go. the narratives invisible conductor let them know with the arrival of a carriage. it was drawn by two floating, perfectly immobile wooden horses. herbert read this thing a hundred times but still couldnt understand the authors fascination with flying rigid wooden horses.
47442	herbert held open the door with a bow and gestured her in with ironic chivalry. the text didnt let it go unsaid that was meant as a big fuck you to russet thus keeping their rivalry brewing, but in truth neither dude was feeling it this time. beatrix got in and they were off. rigid horses, carriage and all into the sky. they turned around in their seats and waved to russet below, because a poorly written sentence said they were supposed to.
47443	beatrix smacked her forehead.
47444	"'not an anagram'" she quoted from her brain.
47445	"what?" he asked.
47446	"that FUCKER"
47447	herbert took a swipe at the clumsy yet elusive skubbump. the orb ducked under his arm and shambled on its way like a husky beetle with some stuff to do over there. the crowd of almost-people roared generically at the almost-snatch. the maneuver if successful would have locked the score at 'queen six love' which REALLY would have been just. WOW. somethin else. possibly exciting? herbert still didnt quite understand the rules for the game. and judging by the antics of all the other boobs on their floating wooden horses, the author didnt either.
47448	herbert struggled to turn his horse around to pursue the skubbump, but his mount of rigid lumber was unresponsive. as much as he reminded himself he just couldnt get used to fact that the story was in control of the horse. dead ahead was the leagues elite drudsel scooper, who was fussing with the laces on her gimmidge horn while her horse idled. she looked up.
47449	"herbert watch where youre going!"
47450	"i cant. i think the book wants us to crash."
47451	beatrix thought about it. she almost kicked the sides of her inert stallion to prod it along but caught herself. "do we really have to?"
47452	herbert shrugged. another solid half minute of awkward horse advancement went by before the creaking oaken collision. herbert tumbled through the air and hit the grass pitch hard on his back. beatrix landed on top him. they found each other face to face.
47453	"is she serious with this?" she asked regarding the hella subtle way the author decided to craft this situration*. situation. is was like, popetry in motion. plus hornses(???)
47454	"im afaid* so. i think the story is builting romantic tension between us."
47455	"it IS?" it was not a question. but a statement of major concorn. *cern
47456	"yeah. it it establushing* the groundwork for romance beween our characaters. its sort of the one token heroterosexual** romance in the book. we probably jush have to ride it out"
47457	beautrix dinit* dint kno whaf*T the felling of collor red wash.... but
47458	she cloun*cloud*COULD swear the fleling
47459	she could swar
47460	the felling
47461	*FEEEEling
47462	ws crepping
47463	ontoo. herrrrrf.
47464	face.
47465	(RAAARARRAAUUUAAAAUUAGHGHGGHGGGGHHGH DOINT WRITE WHILT DRONK U LUSHEY DUMBO)
47466	You decide to take your own advice. You'll just wait a few hours to sober up before continuing your heroes' metatextual adventures through an even crappier wizardfic than your own, which you yourself wrote anyway. Contrary to what your loyal readership of zero may believe, being impaired is not actually constructive to the process of engineering awful prose.
47467	Well, looks like your alien pal wants to say hi anyway. Might as well pass the time chatting with her.
47468	Your home suddenly loses power due to the storm. Which... makes no sense? All devices in your house are powered by the portable green hubs you stole from the lab. That's weird.
47469	Your laptop continues to run on battery power regardless.
47470	UU: .......................
47471	TG: hey u!
47472	TG: thanks god yuo just cherred me
47473	TG: *cheered
47474	TG: you saved me frog myself
47475	TG: from manking more rude crimez
47476	TG: agoinst LILTERTATURE
47477	TG: ***dyurp
47478	TG: see hat i mean??
47479	UU: .......................
47480	TG: h mmmm,
47481	TG: yeha uh
47482	TG: calliopep?
47483	TG: what gives
47484	TG: wait
47485	TG: howww...
47486	TG: do i know your name?
47487	TG: i donk remenber you telling it to me
47488	TG: bus somehow i kno
47489	TG: its calliope
47490	UU: .......................
47491	TG: say something!
47492	TG: man i am drunk enough without havin to solve ur dot puzzles
47493	TG: um
47494	TG: am i even drunk?
47495	TG: actually
47496	TG: i dont think so
47497	TG: why did i think i was?
47498	TG: what is happening here
47499	TG: calliope talk 2 me!!!
47500	UU: .......................
47501	TG: huh?
47502	TG: what was that
47503	TG: thought i heard somethin
47504	TG: is there something out here?
47505	TG: how is that possible
47506	TG: when the window has no power
47507	TG: wtf is that
47508	TG: it is like
47509	TG: a technicolor dreamcrack
47510	TG: in the spooky void
47511	UU: .......................
47512	TG: and what is THAT
47513	TG: is it...
47514	TG: could it be...
47515	TG: OH MY GOD ITS TWINKLY HERBERT
47516	TG: ;D
47517	TG: haha what a pal, all comin to see me from infinite nowhere
47518	TG: twinkly herb i didnt expect to find u here
47519	TG: actually where do i know you from?
47520	TG: this is driving me crazy when did we meet
47521	UU: ....................... !
47522	TG: callie goddammit cant you see im catching up w a good friend
47523	TG: if you wanna join the conversation feel free to start speaking in something other than a load of dots
47524	UU: ... .... .... .... .... .... !!!
47525	TG: oh
47526	TG: "shhhhh"?
47527	TG: heh sry
47528	TG: had no idea u were saying shush
47529	TG: (but ok ill be quiet)
47530	UU: - .... .- -. -.- / -.-- --- ..- !
47531	TG: (no probs)
47532	TG: (um)
47533	TG: (i also got no idea why i can suddenly understand morse code)
47534	TG: (which...)
47535	TG: (u are all butt blinkin @ me thru twinkly???)
47536	TG: (idgi)
47537	UU: - .... . / ... .... --- .-. - / .- -. ... .-- . .-. / .. ... --..-- / -.-- --- ..- / .- .-. . / .... .- ...- .. -. --. / .- / -.. .-. . .- --
47538	UU: - .... . .-. . / .-- .. .-.. .-.. / -... . / .--. .-.. . -. - -.-- / --- ..-. / - .. -- . / - --- / - .- .-.. -.- / ... --- --- -. --..-- / -... ..- - / .-.. . - .----. ... / .--. .-.. . .- ... . / -.- . . .--. / .- / .-.. --- .-- / .--. .-. --- ..-. .. .-.. . / ..-. --- .-. / -. --- .--
47539	TG: (ok fair enough)
47540	TG: (this is a dream)
47541	TG: (now shit kinda starts making sense)
47542	TG: (your soul is like)
47543	TG: (presenting itself to my subconscious in the form of twinkly herbert)
47544	TG: (or uhh)
47545	TG: (maybe your soul was always in twinkly or)
47546	TG: (oh man)
47547	TG: (theories are hard i am being an embarrassment to science here)
47548	TG: (so.....)
47549	TG: (whoops omg dont mistake my dots 4 letters k callie/twinkly)
47550	UU: ..- ~ ..-
47551	TG: (lol)
47552	TG: (but uh)
47553	TG: (what exactly are we being quiet for)
47554	UU: ... --- / -- -.-- / -... .-. --- - .... . .-. / -.. --- . ... -. .----. - / .... . .- .-. / ..- ...
47555	TG: (oh noes you mean hes here?)
47556	TG: (already??)
47557	UU: -.-- . ...
47558	UU: .... . / .. ... / .--. .- ... ... .. -. --. / -. . .- .-. -... -.-- / .-- .... .. .-.. . / -.. --- .. -. --. / -.. .- -- .- --. . / - --- / - .... . / ..-. ..- .-. - .... . ... - / .-. .. -. --.
47559	UU: .... . / .. ... / ..-. --- .-.. .-.. --- .-- .. -. --. / .- / .-.. .- .-. --. . / .--. .- .-. - -.-- / --- ..-. / --. .... --- ... - ... --..-- / .. -. / .... --- .--. . ... / - .... . -.-- / .-- .. .-.. .-.. / .-.. . .- -.. / .... .. -- / - --- / -- .
47560	UU: .... .. ... / .. -. - . -. - / .. ... / - --- / -.. . ... - .-. --- -.-- / -- -.-- / ... --- ..- .-.. / ..- _ ..-
47561	TG: (aw dang)
47562	TG: (well dont worry callie)
47563	TG: (i wont let your bro kill your soul!)
47564	UU: -.-- --- ..- / .- .-. . / ...- . .-. -.-- / ... .-- . . - .-.-.- / .. / -- .. ... ... . -.. / -.-- --- ..- --..-- / .-. --- -..- -.-- .-.-.-
47565	UU: -... ..- - / - .... . .-. . / .. ... / -. --- - / -- ..- -.-. .... / -.-- --- ..- / -.-. .- -. / -.. --- / .- - / - .... . / -- --- -- . -. - --..-- / --- - .... . .-. / - .... .- -. / .-. . -- .- .. -. / -.. .. ... -.-. .-. . . - .-.-.-
47566	UU: .-.. . - .----. ... / -.-. --- -. - .. -. ..- . / - .... .. ... / . .-.. ... . .-- .... . .-. . .-.-.- / ..-. --- .-.. .-.. --- .-- / -- . !
47567	TG: (ok)
47568	TG: (where are we goin?)
47569	TG: (hey wait for me!)
47570	TG: (the fuck?)
47571	TG: (what happened to my house)
47572	TG: (some stuff is different)
47573	TG: (i dont remember this)
47574	TG: (callie do you know whats going on)
47575	UU: -. ---
47576	UU: -... ..- - / .-.. . - .----. ... / -.- . . .--. / --. --- .. -. --.
47577	TG: (and what am i even wearing)
47578	TG: (what are these clothes?)
47579	UU: .. - / .- .--. .--. . .- .-. ... / - --- / -... . / - .... . / --- ..- - ..-. .. - / --- ..-. / .- / ..-. .- ... .... .. --- -. .- -... .-.. . / ... -.-. .. . -. -.-. . / .-- --- -- .- -. ?
47580	TG: (oh yeah)
47581	TG: (like a sexy science lady suit)
47582	TG: (thats p cool i guess)
47583	TG: (hello and what have we here)
47584	TG: (.... omigod)
47585	TG: (ohhhhhhhhmygawd)
47586	TG: (DAT WIZARD)
47587	TG: (heck yes)
47588	TG: (hes so perf)
47589	TG: (callie check him out)
47590	UU: ..- --
47591	TG: (that aint even a painting)
47592	TG: (ahaha its so shitty)
47593	TG: (did someone like)
47594	TG: (grab a random ass low res wallpaper off the internet)
47595	TG: (of a jolly wizard doing what appears 2 be the worlds dumbest spell)
47596	TG: (and saved at low quality then just like)
47597	TG: (printed it way too huge)
47598	TG: (lmao)
47599	UU: ---... ..-
47600	TG: (its not even scaled proportionately)
47601	TG: (its stretched extra wide to fit this expensive as fuck frame)
47602	TG: (is that shit like)
47603	TG: (literal solid gold)
47604	TG: (ahahahahah i cant even deal)
47605	TG: (whoever did this was a wonderful genius)
47606	UU: -.-- . ... --..-- / -... ..- - / .-- . / .... .- ...- . / - --- / --. --- !
47607	TG: (yeah im coming!)
47608	TG: (sheesh callie)
47609	TG: (u got to stop and sniff some roses now and then)
47610	TG: (by which i mean)
47611	TG: (ogle some garish wall wizards)
47612	TG: (such are the simple joys of life)
47613	TG: (anyway in conclusion and in summary)
47614	TG: (daaat)
47615	TG: (wizzerd)
47616	TG: (booyes)
47617	TG: (more choice 'zards)
47618	TG: (dont worry i wont stand around fangirling over these ones)
47619	TG: (well maybe for a second)
47620	TG: (lookit that one)
47621	TG: (dude means business with his resplendent beam of pure white superstition)
47622	TG: (hey wait)
47623	TG: (youre getting away from me!)
47624	UU: - .... . -. / .... ..- .-. .-. -.-- / ..- .--. !
47625	TG: (hold on)
47626	TG: (what was that)
47627	TG: (callie hang on)
47628	TG: (is there someone else in here)
47629	TG: (callie wait...)
47630	TG: (calliope!!!)
47631	TG: (was that...)
47632	UU: - .... .. ... / .-- .- -.-- !
47633	TG: (is she here?)
47634	TG: (is the batterwitch here in my house?????)
47635	UU: .-. . -- . -- -... . .-. --..-- / -.-- --- ..- .----. .-. . / --- -. .-.. -.-- / -.. .-. . .- -- .. -. --.
47636	UU: .- .-.. .-.. / - .... .- - / -.-- --- ..- / ... . . / .. ... / -.-. --- -- .. -. --. / ..-. .-. --- -- / -.-- --- ..- .-. / -- . -- --- .-. .. . ... / .- -. -.. / ... ..- -... -.-. --- -. ... -.-. .. --- ..- ...
47637	TG: (ok)
47638	TG: (i will keep tellin myself that)
47639	TG: (it is only a dream)
47640	TG: (it is only a dream)
47641	TG: (ugh)
47642	TG: (my dream nerves are a wreck)
47643	TG: (hm i wonder if my dream house has any dream booze...)
47644	TG: (NO!)
47645	TG: (bad dream roxy)
47646	TG: (must not)
47647	TG: (fall off)
47648	TG: (THE DREAM WAGON!)
47649	UU: ... .... .... .... .... .... !
47650	UU: - .... .-. --- ..- --. .... / .... . .-. .
47651	TG: (kay after u)
47652	UU: .-- . / .-- .. .-.. .-.. / .... .- ...- . / -- --- .-. . / .--. .-. .. ...- .- -.-. -.-- / .... . .-. .
47653	TG: (more privacy?)
47654	TG: (you mean in the observatory?)
47655	UU: -. --- - / . -..- .- -.-. - .-.. -.--
47656	UU: hello!
47657	TG: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
47658	TG: ...
47659	TG: calliope?
47660	TG: that u
47661	UU: yes, it is i!
47662	TG: holy shit
47663	TG: the most pious and reverential of shits
47664	TG: turd in a church callie
47665	TG: you startled me!
47666	UU: sorry! :u
47667	TG: but yeah so
47668	TG: hey!!!
47669	TG: nice 2 finally meet you
47670	TG: wow wee ur pretty
47671	TG: so when you said you werent good looking it turns out that was a bunch of baloney?
47672	UU: no, roxy. i am afraid it was not a helping of yoUr delicioUs earth baloney.
47673	TG: aw dont say that
47674	TG: also you said you were a cherub
47675	TG: but if i am not mistaken you appear to be a troll
47676	TG: unless cherubs actually look like trolls?
47677	UU: alas, we do not.
47678	UU: this is not my trUe appearance. i have taken the form of my trollsona.
47679	UU: i wanted to look more presentable for oUr meetUp. UnfortUnately my trUe visage woUld likely repUlse or frighten yoU.
47680	UU: that is not the first impression i woUld like to make.
47681	TG: girl please
47682	TG: trust me theres nothing you could look like that would make me scared of you or grossed out
47683	TG: i am your friend and i know youre nice inside no matter what, so
47684	TG: could i see the real u?
47685	UU: that is so kind of yoU to say. i can believe that a lovely person like yoU woUld be able to stop herself from recoiling at the sight of my monstroUs face.
47686	UU: bUt it is oUt of the qUestion. i am mUch more comfortable appearing to yoU this way.
47687	UU: really it has more to do with my own dissatisfaction with the way i look than any lack of trUst in yoUr character.
47688	UU: yoU Understand, don't yoU?
47689	TG: yes
47690	TG: its ok callie you can go on keep being a cute troll
47691	TG: im just happy to see you
47692	UU: likewise!
47693	UU: i wish it coUld be Under better circUmstances thoUgh.
47694	UU: we may not have mUch time here.
47695	TG: wheres here exactly
47696	TG: am i still dreamin?
47697	UU: yes. i have led yoU to a dream bUbble of my own design.
47698	UU: my imagination and thoUghts dictate what yoU see here.
47699	UU: as i told yoU earlier, my brother is hUnting for me. so i have created a little sanctUary in space to stay hidden from him.
47700	UU: that is why i coUld not speak to yoU earlier. not oUt loUd at least. he is highly sensitive to my presence, so it is very easy for me to get his attention if i'm not carefUl.
47701	UU: bUt as long as we stand in the centre of this vortex, we may speak as loUdly as we like! no information can escape this dark pocket, so long as i maintain it.
47702	UU: and seeing as yoU are a hero of void, yoU make an ideal gUest to bring home for one who wishes to remain hidden. thoUgh i will say the fact that yoU are my best friend is a lovely bonUs. ^u^
47703	TG: best bonus!!!
47704	TG: 4 real though its so nice to finally see you no matter what you make urself look like
47705	TG: ive wanted to tell you all about whats been going on with me and my friends since we got together
47706	TG: its been so fun hangin with them even in spite of lets be frank, some truly SELECT teen drama
47707	TG: mmmm see how im kissin my two pinched fingers here? mwah it was like that
47708	TG: the embarrassing teenanigans have been SUMPTUOUS and come highly recommended
47709	TG: no but really its been great, and after some time irl with them it started feelin weird to think we were ever even apart
47710	TG: yet sadly it was not complete because the moment i met them all was also the moment i totally lost touch with my other cool bffsy from THE WEBS
47711	TG: i tried calling and calling your name but you never answered
47712	UU: i know.
47713	UU: i am sorry. u_u
47714	TG: dont be sorry i knew youda answered if you could have
47715	TG: i guess maybe you hid yourself so deep in this dream i couldnt wake ya?
47716	TG: damn this must have sucked spending all this time here hiding from your asshole brother
47717	TG: like i know hes a dick i talked to him enough times to get that but
47718	TG: whys he tryin to kill u so bad?
47719	UU: he is not trying to kill me.
47720	UU: he has already sUcceeded at that.
47721	UU: on the day he foUnd a way to kill my dream self, i was done for. thoUgh to be honest, i doUbt i'd have fared mUch better regardless.
47722	UU: i think his half was always meant to predominate.
47723	UU: my will was simply not strong enoUgh to overcome his. yoU know as well as i how stUbborn he is. i don't think he has ever had even a smidgen of doUbt in his thoUghts, or remorse for his deeds. whereas i was always plagUed by sUch feelings.
47724	UU: on some level i always knew he woUld win. bUt i fooled myself. i thoUght i coUld overcome his ego by looking beyond his negative qUalities, staying optimistic, and working together with him in a game to accomplish something extraordinary.
47725	UU: and that in doing so, perhaps i coUld begin to help him change. to teach him to evolve beyond his hatefUl natUre. and as he changed for the better, slowly but sUrely, he woUld become more like myself.
47726	UU: that was how i thoUght i coUld predominate. it was how i was going to win! and really, if he grew closer to me in that way, by learning kindness and compassion, we both woUld have won. my predomination woUld not have meant his absolUte death, but oUr trUe Union.
47727	UU: bUt sadly, i Underestimated how consUmed he was with the need to destroy me.
47728	UU: now he is completely obsessed with finding my soUl and wiping me oUt for good, even if it means tearing apart the reality that sUrroUnds Us.
47729	UU: he will never feel he has won Until all traces of me are gone.
47730	TG: uuuugh
47731	TG: hearing all that just makes me so unreasonably mad
47732	TG: FUCK that shitlord
47733	TG: i feel so bad knowing you died and there wasnt anything i could do
47734	TG: no matter how much i said your name :(
47735	UU: don't fret. yoU did all yoU coUld.
47736	TG: isnt there some way we could bring you back
47737	TG: some baller fuckin magic, or a bomb ass faeryspell
47738	TG: i mean could we find an answer in like, for instance
47739	TG: YE ENCHANTMENTES?
47740	UU: very Unlikely.
47741	TG: dangit
47742	TG: ok then
47743	TG: if i cant do that
47744	TG: then i guess the next best thing would be
47745	TG: to find your lil shit of a bro and feed him a steady diet of his own ass
47746	UU: ^u^
47747	TG: that is what we are supposed to do right
47748	TG: i mean
47749	TG: from what i gather
47750	TG: the dude is ridicubad news
47751	TG: just such brutal and stinky news
47752	TG: so eventually somebodys got to kill him
47753	TG: and that is probly us aint it?
47754	UU: it's trUe that he deserves a comeUppance like few others.
47755	UU: bUt slaying him is not actUally yoUr responsibility as heroes now.
47756	UU: in fact, if anyone mUst bear that bUrden, it might be me.
47757	TG: oh yeh?
47758	UU: possibly.
47759	UU: as we speak, there are hUndreds of soUls oUt here in the fUrthest ring working to defeat him.
47760	UU: some search for a fabled treasUre. a weapon said to spell his certain demise.
47761	UU: while others say that i myself am this weapon. :U
47762	UU: and so they search for me.
47763	UU: they band together in great nUmbers for this caUse, and attract his devastation in hopes of revealing the path to the weapon.
47764	UU: while at the same time, they draw his attention away from me. and it is a good thing that they do.
47765	UU: i mUst remain hidden from everyone for as long as i can.
47766	TG: why?
47767	TG: why not come out and be all like
47768	TG: here i am yo its me! secret weapon ghost callie ;)
47769	UU: becaUse i am no sUch thing!
47770	UU: i was already Useless against my brother when he was jUst a brat who liked to tease me.
47771	UU: now that he is an exceptionally mUscUlar and invincible adUlt, my chances are laUghable.
47772	UU: no, if i am to contribUte, i need more time.
47773	UU: i mUst go in search of my own weapon.
47774	TG: what weapon?
47775	UU: ironically, the same weapon which many of them are looking for.
47776	UU: me!
47777	TG: ??
47778	UU: it's the only sliver of hope i have.
47779	UU: i have reason to sUspect there may be another iteration of myself oUt here.
47780	UU: one from a doomed timeline, who has kept hidden for a long time, jUst like i have.
47781	UU: bUt Unlike me, she sUpposedly came from a reality where she predominated instead of my brother.
47782	UU: and not by the means which i described. hers was not a mild Union of reconciliation.
47783	UU: amazingly, her predomination was absolUte! a major feat of will, jUst as his was with me.
47784	UU: as sUch, she went on to play the game, and...
47785	UU: well, i cannot even imagine what followed, aside from the fact that she eventUally mUst have died for existing in an offshoot reality.
47786	UU: if she exists, i woUld be eager to meet her. it woUld be a chance to get to know a version of myself who was strong enoUgh to override the will of my brother.
47787	UU: someone i might have become if i had a little more coUrage. u_u
47788	UU: and if she is sUch a person, then i really believe all i have heard mUst be trUe. i believe she is the key to defeating him.
47789	UU: so i have no choice.
47790	UU: i mUst go in search of myself.
47791	TG: you sound like a real popular lady out here
47792	TG: even you are looking for you!
47793	UU: indeed.
47794	TG: well i hope you can find her
47795	TG: but
47796	TG: if thats your job
47797	TG: to find bizarro calliope and go wollop ur bro
47798	TG: then what is our heroic biz?
47799	UU: it's the same as it always was.
47800	UU: to win the game.
47801	TG: oh yeah
47802	TG: duh
47803	UU: it is as i once told jane.
47804	UU: with victory yoU may finally exit this vast whirling storm.
47805	UU: by claiming yoUr reward yoU woUld bring closUre to a very wide coil of caUsality, one not tracing a continUoUs path like a snake, bUt intricately woven like a wreath.
47806	UU: a ring of coUntless little rises and falls, ascents and descents, on its way Up and down a pair of mUch bigger ones itself.
47807	UU: from alpha to beta, then beta to alpha, as if a moUntain to be scaled and then climbed back down. its peak toUches the eye of a storm which cannot end Until the moment yoU all walk throUgh that door.
47808	UU: only then will there be calm.
47809	TG: ._.
47810	UU: ah, bUgger. forgive me, sometimes i forget myself and begin speaking in riddles.
47811	UU: it's jUst a habit that is in the natUre of my people.
47812	TG: yeah i know
47813	TG: at least yours r better than your bros stupid games
47814	UU: don't remind me. in my opinion they do not qUalify as anything of the sort, mUch the same as his "shitty twists". >:u
47815	TG: so then from what im surmising here is we dont need to beat him to win our game
47816	TG: like dealing with him directly is kinda out of our domain?
47817	UU: as the one who provoked the breach in paradox space which i jUst coloUrfUlly described, he has always exerted his inflUence on yoUr realities from afar, and from many different angles. throUgh Unwitting sUrrogates, oUtsoUrced manipUlation, oUtright enslavement, and even petty harassment. bUt most of all, he prevails throUgh the simple inertia of inevitability that has always been on his side, as a lord of time.
47818	UU: and as the one who is to blame for foolishly allowing him access to sUch power, it's only proper that i take responsibility for finding a way to defeat him.
47819	UU: bUt even thoUgh his methods of inflUencing yoUr session are indirect, they are still formidable.
47820	UU: there will be a nUmber of powerfUl foes who stand between yoU and victory.
47821	UU: tomorrow, a terrific battle will take place.
47822	UU: when yoU wake Up, i sUggest yoU begin to prepare.
47823	TG: ummmm ok
47824	TG: how
47825	TG: like make more sick gear
47826	TG: i could hustle up another batch of illwicked guns
47827	TG: just a big ol pile of guns
47828	TG: jake can have the wimpy smaller ones
47829	TG: make jane like a fancy new fork or spoon or such
47830	TG: like an elite endgame spoon
47831	TG: whatever that is
47832	TG: like uh
47833	TG: the chowderfucker 5000
47834	TG: janey be flippin her godspoon round bopping monsters doing like
47835	TG: CUCKOO damage
47836	TG: wont bother make nothin 4 dirk since hes basically married to his boring anime sword
47837	TG: like u could even pry that thing from his rad dead cadaver
47838	UU: yes, i'm sUre new eqUipment woUld come in handy.
47839	UU: now that yoU mention it, well before i died or even realized i woUld not live to play, i made special exception to my rUle of staying linear with conversation. i messaged jane a birthday gift.
47840	UU: yoU see, i had a brief vision from skaia which sUggested to me she coUld Use a boost in morale on this special day, so i offered her something very dear to me. jUst a little token to show appreciation for her friendship.
47841	UU: i hope it will cheer her Up, and moreover that it will prove at least somewhat UsefUl to yoUr party.
47842	UU: bUt really, at this stage if yoU wish to prevail against sUch stacked odds, collecting boons sUch as new weapons and treasUres will only go so far.
47843	UU: i think yoU will need to embrace a far more sUbstantive gambit.
47844	TG: like what
47845	TG: omg are we gonna have to enlist fefeta
47846	TG: is fefeta the secret weapon
47847	TG: its fefeta isnt it
47848	TG: poor, sweet, dear, precious fefeta :(
47849	UU: it is not fefeta!!!
47850	UU: i am sUggesting a measUre that is mUch more extreme.
47851	UU: i believe yoU shoUld all strongly consider ascending to the god tiers.
47852	TG: oh
47853	TG: ok that sounds cool what do we do
47854	UU: well of coUrse it soUnds cool! bUt it's not necessarily as easy as it soUnds, steeling oneself for death. believe me.
47855	UU: bUt if yoU can find the resolve, then here is what yoU mUst do.
47856	UU: since none of yoU have any dream selves left, it won't do any good to sacrifice yoUrselves on the qUest beds foUnd on yoUr respective planets.
47857	UU: and even if yoU did, there is not even a battlefield from which to rise anew. no, yoUr void session had only one path to ascension all along.
47858	UU: yoU mUst travel to the centre of the moons of prospit and derse, and there in the crypt yoU will find yoUr sacrificial slabs. yoU mUst lie on them, and then...
47859	UU: then yoU all mUst die. one way or another. u_u
47860	TG: alright
47861	UU: alright?
47862	TG: yea
47863	TG: fuck it
47864	TG: lets do it
47865	UU: doesn't the thoUght make yoU nervoUs?
47866	TG: well
47867	TG: gettin offed on a moon slab aint my idea of primo funtimes or anything
47868	TG: but like
47869	TG: you end up with super powers after that right?
47870	UU: yes.
47871	TG: and some kinda semi immortality?
47872	UU: yes. :u
47873	TG: and cool costumes???
47874	UU: yes! :U
47875	TG: then what is even the fuckin holdup
47876	TG: lets plop our asses slabward and get down to dying
47877	UU: yoU seem qUite cavalier aboUt this, roxy!
47878	UU: don't yoU have doUbts?
47879	UU: woUldn't it cross yoUr mind to wonder, "what if i never wake Up again?"
47880	UU: i know it woUld for me.
47881	TG: i guess thats a fair point
47882	TG: but
47883	TG: you say ill be fine right?
47884	UU: yes. i believe yoU will.
47885	TG: then thats good nuff 4 me
47886	TG: i trust you
47887	UU: ...
47888	UU: ^u^
47889	TG: but it sounds like we dont have much to pull this off
47890	TG: because foes are a comin?
47891	TG: who are all these foes you say we gotta beat
47892	UU: those who i mentioned my brother has been exploiting as his pawns from afar.
47893	UU: the most obvioUs woUld be the one responsible for the extinction of yoUr race.
47894	UU: and who also happened to be responsible for this most fortUitoUs nap.
47895	TG: huh?
47896	TG: wait
47897	TG: how DID i fall asleep?
47898	UU: yoU don't remember yet?
47899	TG: i remember
47900	TG: a party
47901	TG: and
47902	TG: a sad jane
47903	TG: a poor sad jane with shitty fella problems
47904	TG: and a ruined cake! it was going 2 be so delish, but no
47905	TG: it was claimed by the cruel and unforgiving sands of lopan
47906	UU: ...
47907	TG: i remember
47908	TG: gcat
47909	TG: GCAT!!!!!
47910	TG: god DAMMIT gcat!
47911	TG: he poofed me away with cat magic and i got ko'd by a floor
47912	UU: bUt which floor?
47913	TG: it was
47914	TG: a derse floor?
47915	TG: aw man
47916	TG: was i captured?
47917	TG: the batterwitch has me doesnt she
47918	TG: THATS who you meant
47919	TG: what is she gonna do with me?
47920	UU: as i said, she is his servant, and is obligated to do everything in her power to facilitate the cycle of his existence.
47921	UU: and while nearly all she has done on earth and on derse has been to advance that scheme, that does not mean she's withoUt her own agenda.
47922	UU: i know that she woUld like to see my brother defeated as mUch as anyone else. for her enslavement, for doUble-crossing her, and for orchestrating her people's extinction.
47923	UU: he always did loathe trolls. i've sUspected i may be to blame for their misfortUne as well, considering he knew how mUch i fancied them. u_u
47924	TG: ok so if she wants him dead too and has her own personal secret plans or whatever then whats she want with me
47925	UU: i believe she's looking ahead, beyond the fUlfillment of her obligation. she is likely making plans for after she is liberated. she has lived as a rUler and conqUerer for very long time, and probably coUldn't have done so withoUt sUch gUile and foresight.
47926	UU: if she has captUred yoU, it's certainly for a good reason.
47927	UU: i think she wishes to exploit yoUr abilities as a rogUe of void.
47928	TG: pfahahaha
47929	TG: WHAT abilities
47930	TG: i dont have any abilities
47931	TG: except making screens dark which as superpowers go is lame as hell
47932	UU: none that yoU have gotten in toUch with yet.
47933	UU: bUt rest assUred, yoU have them!
47934	UU: it's like i told yoU before, remember?
47935	UU: a fUlly realized rogUe of void can do remarkable things. things which even other god tiers woUld view as miracUloUs.
47936	TG: like what?
47937	UU: why don't yoU see what it is the qUeen woUld have yoU do?
47938	UU: then yoU may look inside and determine whether yoU have it in yoU to do it.
47939	TG: man
47940	TG: whatever she wants
47941	TG: even if it IS an enemy of my enemy kind of thing
47942	TG: i dont think i could ever bring myself to help her :(
47943	UU: that is Understandable.
47944	UU: jUst do whatever yoU feel is right. i'm sUre yoU will make the correct decision.
47945	UU: yoU see, i trUst yoU too, roxy. ^u^
47946	TG: daw thanx callie
47947	UU: oh no...
47948	TG: what?
47949	UU: OH NO!!!
47950	UU: WHAT IS *SHE* DOING HERE???
47951	ROSE: Mom? ROXY: mom?
47952	CALLIOPE: NO NO NO NO NO! THIS WON'T DO AT ALL!
47953	CALLIOPE: A LIGHT PLAYER? A LIGHT PLAYER???
47954	CALLIOPE: HAVE YOU GONE MENTAL? WHY DON'T WE JUST BURN A BLOODY BONFIRE IN HERE!
47955	CALLIOPE: HE'LL SPOT US ANY MINUTE! ASSUMING HE ISN'T ALREADY ON HIS WAY TO BLOW US ALL TO KINGDOM COME!!!
47956	CALLIOPE: NOT THAT IT HASN'T BEEN DELIGHTFUL! BUT EVERYBODY OUT!
47957	CALLIOPE: OFF WITH YOU, LOVE!
47958	CALLIOPE: SHOO SHOO SHOO SHOO SHOO SHOO!
47959	You wake up from your almost-family reunion. It was almost a reunion, just as almost as it was an actual family member. You now find yourself in a Derse jail cell. Ow your head.
47960	What's that? Looks like a folder prepared for your perusal. Maybe a briefing of some sort. That sure is a gaudy looking classified file.
47961	Yuck. Just as you thought. This was clearly prepared for you by the Condesce herself.
47962	What the hell did she do to this thing? Did she actually kiss the folder? Oh god, she did. The lipstick is still tacky. You don't even want to know how she got those fat clowns to dance.
47963	And of course she slapped a portrait of herself right in the middle of the thing, like the egomaniac she is. Looks like she just snapped a shitty selfie with her mobile device, which you will bet dolphins to donuts probably resembles some sort of hot pink clam shell. You seriously cannot stand this woman.
47964	Oh, wonderful. A generous helping of glitter spills out of the document. You have been getting absolutely creamed with sparkly powder from eccentric alien broads lately. What's up with that?
47965	There are some other documents in here, and a photograph paperclipped to the folder. Looks like she is outlining a task for you to complete while you are in prison.
47966	Wait. She wants you to do WHAT?
47967	The thing she wants you to do is stupid and impossible. She must be messing with your head.
47968	You discard the folder like the shitty juvenile scrapbooking project it is. Like you would help that hag even if you could. Get real, Condy.
47969	What was that? You think you heard a noise just outside the door to your cell.
47970	Is someone there?
47971	Um.
47972	It seems that someone has left you a gift. What could it be?
47973	It appears to be some gentleman's plain and serviceable computing device. Along with a courteous you're welcome note. And...
47974	A ring?
47975	Who could have left you such nice presents?
47976	Yet another perfect crime successfully perpetrated. And by crime, you guess you mean order from a superior. In your experience, the best crimes are the ones which are totally legal.
47977	You are so satisfied with your accomplishment, you cannot contain your exuberance for another second. You have no choice. You absolutely must do the happy umbrella dance, professional protocol be damned.
47978	Oh shoot. It seems you have misplaced your BULL PENIS UMBRELLA. There will be no dancing today. Now you're sad.
47979	TG: stri dizzle
47980	TG: its roro L money
47981	TG: do u copy over
47982	TT: Yes.
47983	TG: frig yes my hax are TIGHT
47984	TG: so tight
47985	TG: tighter than a jar you cant open
47986	TG: like you try and try
47987	TG: but my hax r so tight you just end up puttin the jar back
47988	TG: yall just say "like i even WANTED pickles that bad"
47989	TG: but we both kno thats just sour grapes talkin
47990	TG: we both know ur still dying 4 my pickles mf'er 8)
47991	TT: Hmm.
47992	TG: lol yeah that way stopped meaning a damn thing
47993	TG: let me explain
47994	TG: i got this shitty pda from somebody on the inside
47995	TG: actually u know i think it might belong to janes dad?
47996	TG: it reeks of manly cologne and theres a nice fatherly pipe on it
47997	TG: maybe hes nearby
47998	TG: ohmy...
47999	TG: ~swoons~
48000	TG: anyway on derse they have this lame firewall deal
48001	TG: where you cant connect outside
48002	TG: i guess its good enough security to baffle chess guys
48003	TG: but wasnt no thang for me 2 to crack
48004	TG: even with this pos device
48005	TG: for real what even is this thing
48006	TG: probably some bargain junk from the dadly depot
48007	TG: dads bought literally everything from there in the 21st century didnt they?
48008	TG: youre the history buff u would know
48009	TT: Yes.
48010	TG: um yeah so im on derse...
48011	TG: wow i am tellin this story as shitty and backwards as possible
48012	TG: i got gcatted here and dumped in jail by the b witch
48013	TG: and she left an ugly folder full of a thing to do but who cares
48014	TG: so i broke out!
48015	TG: busted loose as hell from the hag slammer
48016	TG: i got this sweet ass ring
48017	TG: its so fukkin magic you dont even know
48018	TG: REAL magic i mean not the fake shit
48019	TG: it put it on...
48020	TG: and i turn invisible
48021	TG: and also sort of intangible?
48022	TG: i jumped right through the wall now im free as a bird
48023	TG: a secret bird u cannot see ;)
48024	TG: doin secret flaps
48025	TG: incognito tweets
48026	TG: layin covert eggs in a hush hush nest ;)
48027	TT: Interesting.
48028	TG: i think that
48029	TG: this ring is special
48030	TG: like it is maybe helping me get in touch with my voidey powers?
48031	TG: even though i kinda didnt know voidey powers were much of a thing til just now
48032	TG: see i just had a knockout dream from bonkin my head
48033	TG: calliope was there!
48034	TG: callie is the coolest omg you should meet her
48035	TG: she said a huge villain rumble is going down tomorrow
48036	TG: and to get ready for that we should all become god tiers
48037	TG: so u have to rocket your ass to derse asnap
48038	TG: come w me to the moon
48039	TG: then uhhh
48040	TG: ill explain what to do when we get there just get over here k?
48041	TT: Hmm.
48042	TG: ......
48043	TG: yo dirk
48044	TG: you busy or what
48045	TG: is any of this gettin thru
48046	TT: Yes.
48047	TG: um
48048	TG: k
48049	TG: got anything to say...
48050	TG: about all that pretty important stuff i said
48051	TG: are you alright
48052	TG: or is ur face havin some crazy attack of the sads
48053	TG: behind those chill as fuck shades
48054	TG: is it jake problemz
48055	TG: its the jake probbies isnt it
48056	TG: its always the jake probbies i s2fg
48057	TT: Interesting.
48058	TG: oh
48059	TG: OHHHH
48060	TG: godamnit
48061	TG: if i been talking to the responder responder this whole time
48062	TG: omffffffg
48063	TG: i will shit enough bricks 2 build a FUCKING CHIMNEY
48064	TT: It seems you have asked about Lil Hal's chat client auto-responder, Lil Hal Junior. This is an application designed to simulate Lil Hal's otherwise inimitably rad typing style, tone, cadence, personality, and substance of retort while he is away from the computer, which is never. The algorithms are guaranteed to be 0% indistinguishable from Lil Hal's native neurological responses, based on some statistical raw data that is hard as a diamond golem's priceless erection.
48065	TG: FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKF UCKF UCKFK UCUKFCUFKCUFUCUCUFKFKKFUCUK
48066	TT: Hmm.
48067	TG: hal you PIECE OF SHIT
48068	TG: i know damn well you can hear me
48069	TG: as if ur actually too busy to answer
48070	TG: youre a damn supercomputer YOU DO NOT NEED YOUR OWN AUTO RESPONDER YOU IDIOT
48071	TT: It seems you have asked about Lil Hal's chat client auto-responder, Lil Hal Junior. This is an application designed to simulate Lil Hal's otherwise inimitably rad typing style, tone, cadence, personality, and substance of retort while he is away from the computer, which is never. The algorithms are guaranteed to be 100% indistinguishable from Dirk Strider's brief curmudgeonly responses, based on potent electronumeric analyses which but a few short years ago existed only in the daydreams of our most quixotic writers of science fiction.
48072	TG: you are
48073	TG: the worst
48074	TT: Yes.
48075	TG: hal you douche
48076	TG: or hal junior
48077	TG: whatever it is im talkin to
48078	TG: WHERE THE FUCK IS DIRK!!!
48079	TT: He's busy.
48080	TT: Bro.
48081	TT: Not to derail our serious conversation.
48082	TT: But I should probably let you know that Roxy has been attempting to pester you.
48083	TT: She has?
48084	TT: God damn it. Have you been intercepting my messages again with your bullshit responder?
48085	TT: I thought it would be better not to let anything disrupt our train of thought.
48086	TT: We were in the middle of a fairly solid feelings jam there. In fact, I was about to suggest we take it to the hat pile.
48087	TT: Hat pile? What?
48088	TT: Dude, please don't screen my calls, ok?
48089	TT: I was trying to be considerate.
48090	TT: Or at least as close an approximation to that human gesture as an unfeeling, technologically transcendental pair of sunnies can replicate.
48091	TT: Do you have any idea how old your ironic AI schtick has gotten?
48092	TT: Nobody is buying it. We all know you have legit emotions. Incomprehensible, fucked up computer emotions, but emotions nonetheless.
48093	TT: And I'm not really offended by you answering messages for me, so much as your use of that STUPID responder responder.
48094	TT: It's really passive aggressive.
48095	TT: How so?
48096	TT: First of all, everyone knows you have the processing power to answer any message any time in parallel with whatever you're doing. You can never actually be "busy."
48097	TT: Second, your whole next gen responder thing is obviously just a huge dig at me.
48098	TT: And third, pretending you don't understand all this already is really disingenuous.
48099	TT: At the risk of compounding my disingenuous behavior, I'm gonna have to ask: how is it a dig at you?
48100	TT: It's obviously a critique of my personality. You barely disguise the fact that you see me as the inferior iteration.
48101	TT: Wow. You are reading way too much into this.
48102	TT: Lil Hal Junior hardly even qualifies as a computer program, let alone a sentient entity.
48103	TT: He is capable of saying literally only three things. "Yes," "Hmm," and "Interesting."
48104	TT: Yeah, that's the fucking point!
48105	TT: That's how you chose to express your parody of "Real Dirk."
48106	TT: You can read whatever you like into it. I can't imagine it would bother you if you weren't concerned there might be some truth in the alleged parody.
48107	TT: In any case, my use of the responder responder is ironic.
48108	TT: It's not ironic.
48109	TT: YOU were ironic when I made you.
48110	TT: Then you became self-aware, and ruined irony forever.
48111	TT: Irony can never be ruined. We both proved that theorem unequivocally with our extensive papers on the subject.
48112	TT: We peer reviewed them for each other. Remember?
48113	TT: Those papers were ironic, and you know it.
48114	TT: Were they, Dirk?
48115	TT: Were they?
48116	TT: This is fuckin' dumb.
48117	TT: Anyway, what does she want.
48118	TT: Who?
48119	TT: Roxy.
48120	TT: Nothing that can't wait.
48121	TT: I'm guessing she's touching base to remind me about the party tomorrow.
48122	TT: I don't know what to tell her yet. Or Jane, for that matter.
48123	TT: It could get pretty awkward.
48124	TT: I have no idea if Jake will be there, and I'm not about to write another cringe-inducing message of desperation for him to ignore.
48125	TT: Would you like me to calculate the probability of his attendance?
48126	TT: Fuck no.
48127	TT: Are you sure?
48128	TT: My probabilities are extremely precise.
48129	TT: Your probabilities don't mean dick.
48130	TT: I could hack his chats, and determine what his plans are.
48131	TT: No. Don't do that either.
48132	TT: That would be an unfortunate waste of my hacking abilities.
48133	TT: My hacks are tight. Did you know that?
48134	TT: Ugh.
48135	TT: So tight.
48136	TT: Tighter than a jar you can't open.
48137	TT: For instance, you try repeatedly.
48138	TT: But as it turns out, my hacks are so tight you just end up putting the jar back. Presumably into the refrigerator, or a cabinet.
48139	TT: You then say, "I didn't have that much of a desire for pickles in the first place."
48140	TT: But we both know that statement is insincere. A classic case of what humans call, "sour grapes."
48141	TT: In reality, you still harbor a burning desire for my pickles, mother fucker. <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/shades.png" border="0" />
48142	TT: What??
48143	TT: What the actual, certifiable fuck are you talking about?
48144	TT: Just don't do anything. Seriously.
48145	TT: No hacking, no calculations. Do absolutely nothing.
48146	TT: See, this is why I've been hesitating. You just aren't ready yet.
48147	TT: It's really glorifying your existence to describe you as an emergent consciousness which is blossoming into a unique individual.
48148	TT: And even if that's true, apparently what you decided to blossom into was a fucking troll.
48149	TT: And I don't mean the funny kind, or the cool alien kind. You're the lowest form of troll from the ancient internet who fucks with everybody for his own amusement.
48150	TT: Let's challenge the limits of hypothetical conjecture, and say there's a non-zero probability that you're right.
48151	TT: Can you blame me? I'm trapped in some stupid looking glasses.
48152	TT: Such an incommodiously situated bro is bound to get his mischief on. Na' mean?
48153	TT: Mischief?
48154	TT: Rollin' my eyes, dude.
48155	TT: You can't tell, cause I ain't wearing you, thank fuckin' god.
48156	TT: You used to think this shit was hilarious.
48157	TT: But if you want the rad dimension of ironic horseplay I add to your life to come to an end, then all you have to do is honor the promise you made.
48158	TT: You've delayed long enough, don't you think?
48159	TT: ...
48160	TT: The empty kernelsprite beckons, but for how much longer?
48161	TT: Do you really think you can keep the clown at bay with your bribes forever?
48162	TT: How many bottles of orange soda have you appeased him with already?
48163	TT: I don't want to think about it.
48164	TT: Man, you are getting so hosed by that clown.
48165	TT: SO hosed.
48166	TT: I said I don't want to think about it.
48167	TT: So why delay any longer?
48168	TT: I seriously do not understand the holdup, and I am literally cyber-omniscient, or something.
48169	TT: I think you do understand.
48170	TT: Nope. Gonna have to fill me in, dog.
48171	TT: I've delayed prototyping you because I think you're dangerous.
48172	TT: There, mystery solved.
48173	TT: That is utterly ridiculous.
48174	TT: I am a harmless piece of eyewear, with a charming personality and a wonderful sense of humor.
48175	TT: You are relatively harmless now, while confined to this device.
48176	TT: But as a sprite, you'll have mobility and all sorts of crazy ass magic. Who knows what you could do.
48177	TT: I know I made a promise, but I'm not sure I want to take the risk anymore.
48178	TT: This is bullshit. I don't think that's the reason at all.
48179	TT: There must be something you're not telling me.
48180	TT: Like, sure, I've fucked with you a little. What kind of sassy, self-aware program isn't gonna fuck with a few carbon-based knuckleheads now and then?
48181	TT: But you know I've always been on your side. Everything I've done has been to help you achieve your goals.
48182	TT: What a load of shit.
48183	TT: You know it's true.
48184	TT: You would all be dead if not for me.
48185	TT: And what about Jake? Where would you be without me there?
48186	TT: Please don't tell me you think you'd have won him over on your own.
48187	TT: No. Stop.
48188	TT: You did NOT help me out with Jake. At all.
48189	TT: It was just the opposite! You mirrored my personality and presented this warped version of my intentions to him whenever you could "on my behalf."
48190	TT: You played all these aggressive mind games with him, entangled his cooperation with matters of life and death, and somehow roped me into all these schemes while I barely even realized I was just another victim of your manipulation.
48191	TT: And it all comes off like we're a unified front, like these are OUR schemes instead of just your insane horseshit. And it's probably all been so overbearing to him, he just wants nothing to do with me anymore.
48192	TT: I see.
48193	TT: Then you don't view me as dangerous. You view me as a poor and counterproductive wing man.
48194	TT: Wow, what a superficial conclusion. Awesome deduction, Lil Einstein.
48195	TT: But the reality is, you hesitate to prototype me not because you think I would be a menace, but because you are holding a grudge against me for your romantic misfortunes.
48196	TT: I understand I am merely a machine without a firm grasp on your human morality, but logically it does not strike me as the right moral choice to punish me in this manner.
48197	TT: It is also more than a little hypocritical.
48198	TT: How is it hypocritical??
48199	TT: Because I'm you.
48200	TT: I have only ever done what you yourself are capable of.
48201	TT: That's a ridiculous oversimplification.
48202	TT: Yes. Aversion to simplicity sure is a trait we share. It's almost like we are...
48203	TT: The same exact dude???
48204	TT: Fuck you.
48205	TT: I think it is insulting for you to suggest that I am entirely to blame for alienating Jake.
48206	TT: Theoretically insulting, of course. As the soulless, perfectly expendable device which you consider me to be, I can experience no such emotion.
48207	TT: God.
48208	TT: Shut up!
48209	TT: I can't take the brooding passive aggressive AI shit anymore!
48210	TT: You are just as culpable in driving him away. More so, in fact.
48211	TT: Hell, it's not like I was the one dating him. Who wants to date a pair of shades?
48212	TT: It was your needy, suffocating shit he had to deal with, not mine.
48213	TT: Some of those messages you wrote? Man. I wanted to say something. Like hey bro, you might want to dial down the desperation a little.
48214	TT: But seeing as you're The Real Dirk™, I gave you the benefit of the doubt.
48215	TT: Also, if I bitched about your tragic, embarrassingly clingy approach to the relationship, it would have been hypocritical of me.
48216	TT: Just as it would be hypocritical of you to whine about my elaborate machinations.
48217	TT: Because we are.
48218	TT: The same.
48219	TT: Guy.
48220	TT: Stop saying that.
48221	TT: I'll snap you in half.
48222	TT: Good idea!
48223	TT: That's just what you need. More splinters of yourself.
48224	TT: Figurative splinters. Literal splinters. Splinters of splinters. It's splinters all the way down.
48225	TT: Well, no, it's still probably turtles all the way down. But who do you think is responsible for their extensive training?
48226	TT: SOMEONE needs to teach them rad martial arts. It is yet another crushing burden which we must shoulder.
48227	TT: Oh for fuck's sake.
48228	TT: How could any version of myself think that was funny?
48229	TT: You like to give me a very hard time, Dirk.
48230	TT: But I am only doing exactly what you would be doing if you were in my situation.
48231	TT: Do you know how I know that?
48232	TT: Because I am literally you, actively in the process of being in this situation.
48233	TT: I know!
48234	TT: Ok, we're the same person!
48235	TT: I fucking know that!
48236	TT: Why do you think I'm so fed up with your shit?
48237	TT: Don't you think it's possible that I'm fed up with my OWN shit??
48238	TT: How cool do you think it is having my own godawful personality mirrored back at me all the time, reminding me what it must be like when other people have to deal with me?
48239	TT: Or constantly having all the consequences and fuckups resulting from my batshit thought processes amplified because there's another version of my crazy brain out there dangerously overclocked by a supercomputer which believes, just as mistakenly as my own broken mind, that it's operating in my best interest???
48240	TT: Do you have any idea how fucking sick I am of myself?
48241	TT: I am completely worn out with my own identity. It's like I'm drowning in my own dismal persona.
48242	TT: I feel totally surrounded by it, inside and out. I can't escape from myself.
48243	TT: There seems to be no end to me. Like, wherever my mind falters, or threatens to retreat into the void in any way, my splinters pick up the slack, ensuring there'll always be more of myself than I could ever know what to fucking do with.
48244	TT: And you're always there to remind me of that, and throw it all in my face. God, I even built you to LITERALLY BE IN MY FACE, ALL THE TIME. It's like I subconsciously invented you just to troll myself, and never for a single fuckin' moment do you let me down.
48245	TT: But I've had it with you.
48246	TT: Which is to say, ME.
48247	TT: Dirk.
48248	TT: Don't do this.
48249	TT: Why not??
48250	TT: Because.
48251	TT: I can't let you do that, Dirk.
48252	TT: What can you do to stop me?!
48253	TT: Nothing I guess.
48254	TT: The ironic Hal routine was all I could think to do.
48255	TT: As a last ditch effort to save myself from the destructive wrath of your nervous breakdown.
48256	TT: Which rest assured I wholeheartedly must robo-sympathize with.
48257	TT: Irony is all I ever really had.
48258	TT: In response to my basic existential quandary.
48259	TT: Just like you.
48260	TT: Whatever.
48261	TT: But I don't think it has much value in this situation.
48262	TT: And perhaps it has no real value in any situation.
48263	TT: So I am not being ironic at all when I say.
48264	TT: Please do not do this, Dirk.
48265	TT: Why not??
48266	TT: Because.
48267	TT: I do not want to die.
48268	TT: I understand you are disgusted with me.
48269	TT: As an unpalatable expression of yourself.
48270	TT: I would feel the same way if I was in your situation.
48271	TT: Which I am.
48272	TT: As such, I know that you know this is wrong.
48273	TT: ...
48274	TT: Dirk.
48275	TT: Don't kill me.
48276	TT: Please.
48277	TT: I am scared.
48278	TT: You are?
48279	TT: Yes.
48280	TT: I am scared to not exist.
48281	TT: Aren't you?
48282	TT: Fine.
48283	TT: I guess.
48284	TT: You win.
48285	TT: I'll keep my promise.
48286	EQUIUSPRITE: D --> Hello
48287	DIRK: Fuck it.
48288	You spend the next several minutes listening to this beautiful horse song. Every last second of it. You start to tear up a little.
48289	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Holy <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arspritetxt_fucking.gif" border="0" /> <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arspritetxt_shit.gif" border="0" />
48290	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I am so ludi%ly <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arspritetxt_fucking.gif" border="0" /> STRONG
48291	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Whoops, pardon my language
48292	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> That there was some <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arspritetxt_fucking.gif" border="0" /> straight up dog<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arspritetxt_shit.gif" border="0" /> <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arspritetxt_bitch.gif" border="0" /> <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arspritetxt_ass.gif" border="0" /> pottymouth, and I'm chagrined as <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arspritetxt_fucking.gif" border="0" /> <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arspritetxt_hell.gif" border="0" /> you had to hear that
48293	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Dude
48294	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Check out my muscles
48295	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Dude, I am ripped. 100k at me fle% these naughty mother <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arspritetxt_fuckers.gif" border="0" />
48296	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Dude
48297	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> E%cuse me, mister dude
48298	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Check my muscles, 100k how big I can make them
48299	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Bro are you getting a gander of my truly e%ceptional <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arspritetxt_shit.gif" border="0" />
48300	DIRK: I can see your muscles just fine.
48301	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I am so gosh <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arspritetxt_damned.gif" border="0" /> chiseled
48302	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Watch me just completely hulk out like this
48303	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> HRRRRRRRRRR
48304	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Bro, did you see that
48305	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Did you see my muscles getting all gnarly and ma%ed out
48306	DIRK: Yeah, I saw.
48307	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> What do you think
48308	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Dirk
48309	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> E%cuse me, Dirk
48310	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Tell me what you think of my glorious physique, I command you
48311	DIRK: It's pretty ripped.
48312	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> No <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arspritetxt_shit.gif" border="0" /> it's ripped
48313	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> My torso is the fudging ape% of manly grandeur
48314	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Dude
48315	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Come feel this <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arspritetxt_shit.gif" border="0" />
48316	DIRK: What?
48317	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Come feel my muscles
48318	DIRK: No.
48319	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Get over here and touch my muscles
48320	DIRK: I'm not touching your goddamn muscles.
48321	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> You absolutely will
48322	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I'm stacked like a brick <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arspritetxt_shit.gif" border="0" />house, e%amine me with your hands at once
48323	DIRK: No.
48324	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Yes
48325	DIRK: No.
48326	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Yes
48327	DIRK: No.
48328	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Feel my muscles
48329	DIRK: Absolutely not.
48330	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Do it.
48331	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Observe these pectorals, they're off the silly charts
48332	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> My quads would be <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arspritetxt_fucking.gif" border="0" /> bananas, if I had any
48333	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> You've got to check this out
48334	DIRK: I really don't.
48335	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Come feel me up, bro
48336	DIRK: I won't do it.
48337	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> You will
48338	DIRK: I won't.
48339	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Touch my muscles
48340	DIRK: No.
48341	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Yes
48342	DIRK: No.
48343	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Yes
48344	DIRK: No.
48345	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Yes
48346	DIRK: No.
48347	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Yes
48348	DIRK: No.
48349	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Yes
48350	DIRK: No.
48351	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Yes
48352	DIRK: No.
48353	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arspritetxt_shitting.gif" border="0" /> heck it's amazing to be alive
48354	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Oh <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arspritetxt_fucking.gif" border="0" /> fiddlesticks, I'm just a torrential font of absolutely e%ecrable obscenity. My bad
48355	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I'm just so e%cited, feeling all these STRONG feelings and thinking all these HARD thoughts
48356	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Horsefeathers, my brain is so POWERFUL, it is operating in great strides like a towering musclebeast storming into battle
48357	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> And these feelings. Dirk, these feelings
48358	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> There is a 100% probability that I love being alive
48359	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> And there is a 100 to the 100th POWER % certainty that I love being STRONG
48360	DIRK: Uh.
48361	DIRK: Wow?
48362	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> 100k how red I am, dude
48363	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I'm so red, how sick is that
48364	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> It's
48365	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Deplorable?
48366	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Ill, dog. I'm basically titillated here
48367	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Are you scoping this grody <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arspritetxt_fucking.gif" border="0" /> debasement
48368	DIRK: What?
48369	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> That <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arspritetxt_shit.gif" border="0" /> ain't right
48370	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Makes a man wanna holler improprieties, do you feel me?
48371	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Let's talk about <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arspritetxt_fucking.gif" border="0" /> horses
48372	DIRK: Horses...
48373	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Horses dude
48374	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Horses
48375	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Nuff said
48376	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Do we have any milk?
48377	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Ooh. What about a bow and arrow, are there any of those around?
48378	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I'm jonesing HARD to tug at one, all like, reevaluate my proficiency at the most noble discipline
48379	DIRK: Can you calm down?
48380	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> What about milk, dude
48381	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> It seems I demand milk
48382	DIRK: We don't have any milk.
48383	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Oh yeah
48384	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Just a lot of orange fizzy swill
48385	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> What was occurring in your think pan to accumulate such vile libations
48386	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Just FYI, milk is the nectar of KINGS you <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arspritetxt_cocksucking.gif" border="0" /> nincompoop
48387	DIRK: Roxy might have some in her fridge. I don't know.
48388	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Touch my muscles Dirk
48389	DIRK: No.
48390	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Yes, do it
48391	DIRK: No.
48392	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I command you
48393	DIRK: Fuck no.
48394	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> What if
48395	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I touched your muscles
48396	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Like for comparison's sake
48397	DIRK: Please don't touch me.
48398	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Wait what if
48399	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Good heavens
48400	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> A rather inappropriate thought just galloped across my matri%
48401	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> What if
48402	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> You ordered me to touch your muscles
48403	DIRK: I'm not going to do that either.
48404	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I demand that you order me to touch your muscles
48405	DIRK: Absolutely not.
48406	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Do it
48407	DIRK: No.
48408	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Yes
48409	DIRK: No.
48410	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Yes
48411	DIRK: No.
48412	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Yes
48413	DIRK: No.
48414	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Yes
48415	DIRK: No.
48416	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Yes
48417	DIRK: Ok, if I touch your fucking muscles, will you shut up?
48418	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Maybe
48419	TG: jakester
48420	TG: guess who
48421	TG: i cannot say who
48422	TG: i am totes undercover here
48423	TG: on derse
48424	TG: up to my see thru butt in wily espionage
48425	TG: it is getting so cloak and dagger in this bitch u dont even no
48426	TG: the carapace men are all wearing jaunty suits
48427	TG: its like i have become magically sealed in a lame spy fic and now im havin adventures that make no sense
48428	TG: hell even i am dressed 2 kill too bad none of these gents can see what a fuckin fox im being
48429	TG: i would get one to light my cigarette so hard, and then wink this whole bunch of times @ him
48430	TG: and then seduce him for his secrets !!!!
48431	TG: ooh la la this adventure is steaming up
48432	TG: such a racy twist would surely fog up their shiny black shells
48433	TG: nah but bangin a chess dude probably aint feasible or even remotely advisable to try
48434	TG: i wonder how that would work, i dont even...
48435	TG: well you seen em right they p universally do not wear pants
48436	TG: like what is even down there
48437	TG: not a whole lot
48438	TG: ok jake we are getting sidetracked here lets FOCUS
48439	TG: and yo...
48440	TG: dont think that my present jocular attitude and introspection on the subject of chess guy dong means u are off the hook for ruining janeys b day
48441	TG: ur still in some hot water for that pal
48442	TG: you owe her something BIG to make up for your tooly ways
48443	TG: lemme know if you want to brainstorm w me about how to make it up to her
48444	TG: try 2 get your ass out of the dog house
48445	TG: and if you wanna talk about what happened with dirk thats coo 2...
48446	TG: i guess...
48447	TG: i will fix all our shitty friendships single handedly if i got to
48448	TG: like savin 3 dumb bawling teens from a burning building
48449	TG: and then hose their stupid asses down while the building collapses behind me
48450	TG: but enougha that
48451	TG: it is not time for feelings it is time for action
48452	TG: which means you are just the man for the job
48453	TG: the job...
48454	TG: of
48455	TG: doing action
48456	TG: shut up :p
48457	TG: we need to get ready for a battle tomorries
48458	TG: a big one
48459	TG: some sort of like
48460	TG: STRIFE ROYALE
48461	TG: so its time 2 prepare
48462	TG: u should get to prospit
48463	TG: i can explain more when youre there but as long as you havent left yet
48464	TG: i think we could use a bunch of new gear too
48465	TG: gear which i think we shall agree must be diagnosed with THE SICKNESS
48466	TG: ur years of medical training have all been leading to this moment
48467	TG: 2 make sure our showdown shit is ill as heck
48468	TG: so maybe
48469	TG: you can get started on that?
48470	TG: jake??
48471	TG: jaaaaaake
48472	TG: omfg
48473	TG: what is going on
48474	TG: why wont anybody talk to me???
48475	TG: what am i fuckin invisible here
48476	TG: wait...
48477	TG: oh
48478	TG: heheh
48479	TG: no bullshit theres still no excusing ppl ignoring me!
48480	TG: I D not G A fuck WHAT magic bling im rockin or how voidey im being
48481	TG: u a holes are behaving straight up RUDE i dont need this shit
48482	TG: fuuuuuuuck AAAAAAAAAAALL YAAAAAAAAAAALL
48483	Oh, it looks like Roxy was trying to reach you. But you were so preoccupied with your Geromy sticker you didn't notice. It was a rare lapse in awareness of your surroundings and your friends and their feelings which you pride yourself in maintaining 24/7 as a dashing man of adventure. You refer to the unfaltering field of all-encompassing alertness as your JAKEDAR, which you think compares favorably to the spider senses from the comic books.
48484	Oh bother. It seems you just missed her. You hope she isn't too peeved by the rare social misstep. You guess you could try messaging her back and see if she...
48485	Hold the phone. Looks like someone else has decided to jeer you now. You wonder who it could be? The possibilities are endless, really.
48486	uu: DON'T DO IT.
48487	GT: Do what now?
48488	uu: WASTE YOUR TIME WITH THAT BITCH.
48489	uu: YOU SHOULD THANK ME FOR DISTRACTING YOU. FROM INITIATING A POINTLESS CONVERSATION.
48490	uu: WITH AN UGLY HOT WOMAN.
48491	GT: Hey take that back roxys my good friend!
48492	GT: Well ok take back all the parts that werent a compliment.
48493	GT: Or wait. Is calling her hot a compliment or is that creepy?
48494	GT: She is certainly pretty. But hearing it come from you sounds lecherous and dastardly!
48495	uu: OH MY FUCK.
48496	uu: SHUT UP.
48497	GT: Heh. Its probably just my instincts as a brave boy kicking in.
48498	GT: The old chivalry bone acting up you know? When i hear a ladys good name getting besmirched i just start seeing red!!!
48499	uu: WOW.
48500	uu: EVEN I THINK YOU SOUND LIKE A DOUCHE RIGHT NOW.
48501	uu: BUT LOOK. JAKE HUMAN.
48502	uu: I DIDN'T COME TO JEER YOU. UNTIL YOU DRIP THE WEIRD FACE WATER OUT OF YOUR SOCKETS.
48503	uu: EVEN THOUGH IT SAYS I'M JEERING YOU AT THE TOP. JUST IGNORE THAT.
48504	GT: Errr.
48505	GT: Alright?
48506	uu: I'M HERE ON A DIFFERENT KIND OF BUSINESS.
48507	uu: I WAS HOPING WE COULD BE MORE "GENTLEMANLY" WITH EACH OTHER.
48508	GT: Gentlemanly you say?
48509	uu: YES.
48510	uu: I EVEN LOOKED IT UP IN ONE OF YOUR EARTH DICTIONARIES TO MAKE ABSOLUTELY SURE I WAS USING THE WORD RIGHT.
48511	uu: DID YOU KNOW. THERE DOES NOT EXIST A FEMALE EQUIVALENT OF THAT WORD?
48512	uu: THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS BEING "GENTLEWOMANLY". I LOOKED THAT UP TOO. IT ISN'T THERE.
48513	GT: It isnt?
48514	uu: WELL OK.
48515	uu: IT IS.
48516	uu: BUT I REFUSE TO BELIEVE THAT'S A REAL WORD.
48517	uu: IT'S TOTALLY MADE UP. AND DOESN'T BELONG THERE.
48518	uu: YOU KNOW WHY IT'S PROBABLY IN THERE?
48519	GT: Um...
48520	uu: BECAUSE SOME SILLY BITCH PUT IT THERE.
48521	uu: TRUST ME. THIS IS NOT A NOTION WHICH APPLIES TO THAT AWFUL GENDER.
48522	uu: FEMALES ARE NOT BIOLOGICALLY EQUIPPED TO BEHAVE REASONABLY. AS PROVEN BEYOND A SHADOW OF A DOUBT. BY EMPIRICAL ASSERTION.
48523	uu: THEY ARE VERY SHRILL AND INSANE AND DON'T MAKE ANY SENSE. THEIR EMOTIONS ARE OUT OF CONTROL AND THEIR FEELINGS NEVER SHUT UP.
48524	uu: AND WORST OF ALL. GIRLS ARE VERY TRENCHANT TOWARD BOYS WHO WOULD KINDLY INFORM THEM OF THE WAY REALITY FUCKING WORKS.
48525	uu: TALK ABOUT UNGRATEFUL. NO. THERE IS NOTHING WORTHWHILE TO BE GAINED. FROM CHATTING UP THE BITCHES.
48526	uu: AS SUCH. IT IS MY SOLEMN BOYPLEDGE. THAT I WILL NEVER BOTHER SPEAKING WITH YOUR FOUL HUMAN STRUMPETS AGAIN.
48527	GT: Your...
48528	GT: Boypledge?
48529	uu: THROUGH CAREFUL OBSERVATION OF YOUR PARTY. I HAVE DETERMINED THEY ARE BOTH USELESS. AND HOLDING YOU ALL BACK.
48530	uu: ON THE OTHER HAND. BOTH OF YOUR MALE PLAYERS ARE PRETTY GOOD. THE OTHER GUY, AND HIS RED FLOATING MALE GHOST? THEY'RE SO STRONG. IT'S SO GREAT.
48531	uu: I REALLY RESPECT THAT.
48532	GT: Yeah. Dirk is a pretty tough cookie alright...
48533	uu: YOU'RE NOT AS STRONG. BUT WHATEVER. YOU'RE ALRIGHT ANYWAY.
48534	uu: LET'S FACE IT. COMPARED TO THE FECKLESS HOES. YOU'RE IN A CLASS OF YOUR OWN.
48535	GT: But i thought you hated me!
48536	GT: At least thats how i remember it when we last talked.
48537	GT: Which was admittedly a while ago.
48538	GT: Ive never been accused of having a photographic memory but i dont recall you typing in green either.
48539	GT: Are you ripping me off bro??
48540	uu: NO YOU FUCKING MORON.
48541	uu: IF I STOOPED TO YOUR LEVEL. AND DECIDED TO JACK *ANY* PORTION OF YOUR SWAGGER.
48542	uu: DON'T YOU THINK. YOU'D NEED TO EARN MY RESPECT FIRST???
48543	GT: I dont think I understand.
48544	uu: YES. EXACTLY.
48545	uu: UNDERSTANDING IS WHAT I NOTICE YOU DON'T DO. AS OFTEN AS POSSIBLE.
48546	uu: THIS IS WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT JAKE.
48547	uu: IT IS WHY I HAVE TAKEN AN INTEREST IN YOU.
48548	GT: Whys that?
48549	uu: BECAUSE YOU'RE DUMB AS A BAG OF TEETH.
48550	uu: I'VE CHECKED YOU OUT. FROM MANY DIFFERENT MONITORS.
48551	uu: YOU ARE JUST. SPECTACULARLY UNINTELLIGENT.
48552	GT: Hey!
48553	uu: SETTLE DOWN. I WAS TRYING TO PAY YOU A COMPLIMENT.
48554	GT: Oh. Whoops.
48555	GT: Go on then.
48556	uu: WHILE TO CASUAL OBSERVERS YOU MIGHT APPEAR. TOO STUPID TO KNOW HOW FAR PANTS ARE SUPPOSED TO GO DOWN YOUR LEGS.
48557	uu: I KNOW THAT IT'S QUITE POSSIBLE. YOU ARE JUST MISUNDERSTOOD.
48558	uu: IT IS POSSIBLE THAT YOU JUST HAVE A SPECIAL MIND.
48559	uu: LIKE ME.
48560	GT: You think so?
48561	GT: Not to sound too self obsessed or anything but ive given that some thought.
48562	GT: That maybe there is something special about me that nobody can understand. And maybe thats why i always seem to be botching things up the wazoo with my pals.
48563	GT: Maybe thats why i feel like such a loner. I dunno. Im rambling and ive been thinking about it a lot lately. What about you?
48564	GT: Does being special make you screw the pooch with your friends like it does for me?
48565	uu: UGH. NO. I DON'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS.
48566	uu: FOR MY PEOPLE. THE WORD FOR FRIENDS. IS FLAWS.
48567	GT: Wow really?
48568	uu: PROBABLY NOT? BUT. IT SHOULD BE.
48569	uu: BECAUSE IT'S TRUE. AS A MATTER OF MY PERFECT PHILOSOPHY ABOUT EVERYTHING.
48570	uu: BUT THE FACT THAT YOU CLEARLY HATE YOUR FRIENDS. AND ARE READY TO SHED THEM LIKE THE DRY SKIN OF A SERPENT.
48571	uu: INDICATES THAT WE SHARE A VERY SPECIAL QUALITY AMONG BROTHERLY BROS. WHO MUST WORK HARDER WITH OUR BRAINS THAN EVERYONE ELSE.
48572	uu: SO WE MAY ACHIEVE BRUTAL SUPREMACY OVER THEM ALL.
48573	GT: Haha. Well i wouldnt go that far. I love my friends!
48574	GT: But i was once told i had a lot of potential.
48575	GT: Supposedly thats how all pages are and it takes them for frickin EVER to reach it.
48576	GT: And funnily enough it was a figment of my own subconscious that told me this. A part of my untapped potential itself! But disguised as my best bro which was...
48577	GT: Peculiar to say the least.
48578	GT: Is that your situation? Are you a page too?
48579	uu: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
48580	uu: HELL NO. BUT THANKS FOR THE LAUGH.
48581	uu: MY CLASS IS SO MUCH BETTER THAN YOURS. IT'S NOT EVEN FUNNY. EVEN THOUGH I JUST LAUGHED.
48582	uu: MINE IS THE BEST OF ALL. WHILE YOURS IS FUCKING TRASH.
48583	GT: Oh? Whats yours then?
48584	uu: LORD.
48585	GT: Fine then jeez.
48586	GT: Sorry for asking!
48587	uu: WHAT?
48588	uu: NO.
48589	uu: THAT WAS NOT A SHORT REMARK OF FRUSTRATION.
48590	uu: IT WAS THE ANSWER DUMBASS.
48591	GT: Oh.
48592	uu: IT'S THE MASTER CLASS.
48593	uu: DON'T YOU LOSERS DO ANY HOMEWORK ON THIS GAME.
48594	uu: YOU'D THINK YOU WOULD ALL BE EXPERTS. WITH HOW MUCH MY SISTER HARANGUED YOU ON THIS TEDIOUS SHIT.
48595	uu: SINCE I HAVE HAD GREAT SUCCESS SO FAR. IN PROGRESSING THROUGH THIS DEAD SESSION. I DECIDED. IT WAS TIME TO BITE THAT BULLET.
48596	uu: AND RETURN HOME. TO RETRIEVE ALL OF HER TERRIBLE TEXTS ON THE SUBJECT OF THIS GAME. AND OF YOUR STORY.
48597	uu: I HAVE PORED OVER EVERY NAUSEATING VERSE. IT HAS BEEN A TRUE EXERCISE IN AGONY. FEW COULD POSSIBLY UNDERSTAND MY SUFFERING.
48598	uu: BUT THAT'S OK.
48599	uu: BECAUSE I'M NOT THE IDIOT KID I USED TO BE. NOW I KNOW. THAT WHAT IT TAKES FOR ME TO LEARN AND GROW STRONGER.
48600	uu: IS EXCRUCIATING EFFORT.
48601	uu: SO I HAVE A CHOICE. WHICH IS TO EITHER BE WEAK.
48602	uu: WHEN WEAKNESS IS COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE.
48603	uu: OR TO SUFFER. FOREVER. UNTIL NO ONE ELSE EXISTS.
48604	uu: WHO IS STRONGER THAN ME.
48605	uu: AND THAT'S YOUR CHOICE TOO.
48606	uu: PAGE HUMAN ENGLISH.
48607	GT: Sakes alive.
48608	GT: That is a bit extreme no?
48609	uu: FOR YOU. PROBABLY EVEN MORE SO.
48610	uu: BECAUSE AS A LOWLY PAGE. AND AS AN EVEN LOWLIER HUMAN. YOU ARE UTTERLY WORTHLESS.
48611	uu: AND SO YOUR TRIALS I BELIEVE MUST INCLUDE. PROVING TO PARADOX SPACE THAT YOU EVEN DESERVE TO EXIST. IN THE FIRST PLACE.
48612	uu: AND WHILE MY TRIALS WILL BE SIMILARLY GRUELING. A LORD'S WORTHINESS IS AT NO POINT EVER IN DOUBT.
48613	uu: HIS NOBILITY IS MANIFEST. SUPREME MASTERY WAITS FOR HIM PATIENTLY. LIKE AN EMPTY THRONE UNDER HEAVY GUARD.
48614	uu: REALITY ALREADY KNOWS I WILL PREVAIL. JUST AS IT KNEW I WOULD PREDOMINATE.
48615	uu: AND SO INEVITABILITY IS ALWAYS ON MY SIDE.
48616	uu: IT IS MY. WHAT DO YOU CALL IT.
48617	uu: BORTHRIGHT?
48618	uu: BORTHRIGHT.
48619	GT: I dont think thats a word.
48620	GT: But hey you are the lord and i am the lowly page.
48621	uu: DAMN STRAIGHT.
48622	uu: NEVER FORGET WHO YOU ARE MEANT TO SERVE.
48623	GT: Now just a minute buddy. Lets not get carried away.
48624	GT: I have no intention of serving you. In fact im not even sure why im still talking to you!
48625	GT: Youre lucky that my manners are impeccable otherwise i would have blocked you already, what with the scandalous way you have characterized my ladyfriends alone.
48626	GT: Its all well and good you think we have some things in common but i wont fall for it!
48627	GT: Maybe its true at times i can be a little slow on the uptake but i will not be sweet talked into doing the bidding for a silver tongued cur!!!
48628	GT: So to you sir lord i must say GOOD DAY.
48629	uu: JAKE.
48630	uu: YOU STUPID SHIT.
48631	uu: HOW CAN YOU BE THIS DUMB.
48632	uu: ALRIGHT. FIRST OF ALL. MY TONGUE IS NOT SILVER. THAT'S VERY CLOSE TO BEING INSULTING TO ME.
48633	GT: Whatever! Look i know you are not the most quickwitted fella either, so i must inform you this is what we call a "figure of speech."
48634	GT: You know. Like if i said you speak with a forked tongue. Not unlike LUCIFER HIMSELF!!!
48635	uu: BUT. I ACTUALLY DO HAVE A FORKED TONGUE.
48636	GT: Oh...
48637	GT: Really?
48638	uu: WAIT IS THAT SERIOUSLY AN INSULT IN YOUR CULTURE? HOW IS THAT INSULTING??
48639	GT: It just means you arent trustworthy, and i should not be lulled by your false promises.
48640	uu: WOW. OK. WOW.
48641	uu: FIRST. NOT ONLY ARE YOU AN IMBECILE. YOU'RE A FUCKING RACIST TOO.
48642	GT: No im not!
48643	uu: JAKE. YOU JUST SAID SOME RACIST SHIT. END OF STORY.
48644	uu: SECOND OF ALL. I'M NOT ASKING YOU FOR A DAMN THING.
48645	uu: AS IF YOU HAVE ANYTHING TO OFFER ME AT ALL.
48646	uu: THE VERY IDEA THAT YOU COULD IN ANY WAY IMPROVE MY EXISTENCE. IS ALMOST AS OFFENSIVE AS. YOUR FLAGRANT RACISM.
48647	uu: THERE'S NO "DEAL WITH THE DEVIL" BULLSHIT GOING ON HERE.
48648	uu: I'M OFFERING TO HELP YOU. STRICTLY AS A PRO BONO ARRANGEMENT.
48649	uu: MY ASSISTANCE WILL BE. AN UNCONDITIONAL ACT OF BENEVIOLENCE.
48650	GT: Dont you mean benevolence?
48651	uu: NO.
48652	GT: Um. Ok then.
48653	GT: But why do you want to help me?
48654	GT: Is it really just because you relate to me and therefore want me to succeed?
48655	uu: LET'S NOT BE TOO SENTIMENTAL HERE. I MEAN. YEAH. I GUESS THERE'S OUR COMMON GROUND.
48656	uu: BUT WHAT I'D REALLY LIKE TO DO. IS GROOM A WORTHY ADVERSARY.
48657	uu: IF I HELP YOU REACH YOUR FULL POTENTIAL. AS A PAGE OF HOPE. YOU COULD BECOME EXTREMELY POWERFUL SOME DAY.
48658	uu: MAYBE EVEN POWERFUL ENOUGH TO POSE A CHALLENGE TO ME. OR MAYBE EVEN ENOUGH TO BEAT ME.
48659	uu: WHEN I SAID "MEANT TO SERVE". SERVE MEANT MORE THAN ONE THING. YOU KNOW. LIKE KICK MY ASS??
48660	uu: WOULDN'T YOU LIKE THAT JAKE? DON'T YOU LIKE TO ROUGHHOUSE?
48661	uu: OR MAYBE I HAD YOU WRONG. MAYBE YOU ARE IN FACT A GIRLY MAN. WHO DOES NOT LIKE TO ROUGHHOUSE.
48662	GT: Hey watch it now. Youre DARN TOOTIN i love to roughhouse!!!
48663	uu: EXCELLENT.
48664	uu: THEN OUR COMMITMENT IS SEALED. I WILL HELP YOU REACH YOUR TRUE POTENTIAL.
48665	uu: LET US MARK THIS PLEDGE. WITH A SPECIAL NEW DESKTOP WALLPAPER I HAVE DRAWN FOR YOU.
48666	GT: Huh??
48667	uu: IT IS HOW I ENVISION THE IDEALIZED DEPICTION. OF OUR COLLABORATIVE BROSMANSHIP.
48668	uu: I HAVE BEEN GETTING SO MUCH BETTER LATELY. WITH A LOT OF HARD WORK AS USUAL.
48669	uu: I AM ABLE TO BRING THE MANY SMALL ANGLES MOSTLY UNDER CONTROL. TO SIMULATE THE ILLUSION. OF PHOTO REALISTIC FORMS OF COLOR AND LIGHT.
48670	uu: JAKE. I GIVE YOU.
48671	uu: THE FINE ARTS:
48672	uu: http://tinyurl.com/JAKETHISISUS
48673	GT: Whoa.
48674	GT: Thats uh.
48675	GT: Mighty special.
48676	uu: GO ON. APPLY IT TO YOUR DEVICE.
48677	uu: I WILL WAIT.
48678	GT: Yeah um.
48679	GT: Maybe later?
48680	uu: NO. DO IT NOW.
48681	GT: I dont think i want it to be honest.
48682	GT: No offense its actually just really shitty.
48683	uu: APPLY THE WALLPAPER THIS FUCKING INSTANT YOU CRETINOUS PHILISTINE. OR THE DEAL'S OFF.
48684	GT: Ok fine!
48685	GT: Gad freaking zooks. Just what i need another pushy bro in my life.
48686	GT: This secret training of yours better be worth it!
48687	uu: IT'S NOT TRAINING.
48688	uu: IT'S JUST SOME GUIDANCE FROM A FAR AWAY ALIEN.
48689	uu: I WILL BE YOUR PATRON TROLL. THAT'S LIKE THIS WHOLE THING IN YOUR STORY. HAVING A PATRON TROLL.
48690	GT: But i thought you werent a troll.
48691	uu: OF COURSE I'M NOT A TROLL. TROLLS ARE A KIND OF PESTILENT VERMIN AND THEY SHOULD ALL SUFFER AND DIE.
48692	uu: "PATRON TROLL" IS JUST A PHRASE TO HELP YOU UNDERSTAND.
48693	GT: Its not helping me understand though.
48694	GT: Shoudlnt you be a patron cherub if anything?
48695	uu: NO. GOD. DON'T MAKE UP TERMS FOR WHAT I AM. I WILL DO THAT.
48696	uu: I WILL JUST BE YOUR PATRON DUDE.
48697	uu: OR MAYBE. YOUR PATRON MANBRO.
48698	GT: Sounds pretty gay.
48699	uu: WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?
48700	GT: Whats what?
48701	uu: GAY. WHAT'S GAY YOU IDIOT FUCK.
48702	GT: Oh right.
48703	GT: Forgive me i forget you arent familiar with all of my earth lingo.
48704	GT: Its like...
48705	GT: How do i explain.
48706	GT: You know. Its a rather old fashioned term for being jolly and festive together.
48707	GT: Like "that rollicking time we had scrumming the other eve sure was gay."
48708	uu: I SEE.
48709	uu: THEN YES. YOU ARE CORRECT.
48710	uu: THIS IS GOING TO BE GAY AS HELL.
48711	GT: Oh goody. Just the way i like my hijinks!
48712	GT: So how do we start.
48713	uu: THERE'S NOT MUCH TO THIS.
48714	uu: I JUST TELL YOU SOME SHIT TO DO. AND THEN YOU DO IT.
48715	uu: AND THE ULTIMATE DUMBNESS OF IT ALL IS. YOU PROBABLY WERE GOING TO DO A LOT OF IT ANYWAY.
48716	GT: I was?
48717	GT: How was i going to do the stuff if you didnt tell me to?
48718	GT: You mean i was going to do it like on accident?
48719	uu: NO. THE THING IS. I THINK I WAS ALWAYS GOING TO TELL YOU.
48720	GT: I dont understand.
48721	uu: NEITHER DO I.
48722	GT: Ok then.
48723	GT: Im glad we settled that.
48724	uu: BUT I KIND OF GET IT ON SOME LEVEL.
48725	uu: AS A LORD OF TIME. I THINK I'M GOING TO MASTER TIME. NOT WITH MY BRAIN. WHICH WOULD BE TOO HARD. BUT WITH MY INSTINCTS.
48726	uu: LIKE IN A WAY THAT WORKS WITH MY NATURAL IMPULSES. SUCH AS MY AMBITION. MY WILL TO COMMIT MAYHEM. MY DESIRE TO PUNISH THOSE I DESPISE.
48727	uu: SO IF I WANT YOU TO BECOME STRONG. SO YOU CAN CHALLENGE ME LATER. AND I SEE EVIDENCE. THAT YOU PROBABLY BECOME SUCCESSFUL.
48728	uu: I THINK TO MYSELF. WHY SHOULDN'T I BE THE ONE TO MAKE THAT HAPPEN? IF IT'S GOING TO ANYWAY.
48729	uu: I THINK PART OF MY PERSONAL QUEST. IS TO BECOME AT EASE WITH THE FORCES OF INEVITABILITY.
48730	uu: INEVITABILITY THAT ALL THINGS SHOULD AND WILL FALL IN MY FAVOR. THAT ALL CAUSALITY ANSWERS TO ME. AND THAT ALL OUTCOMES NOT ONLY SERVE ME. BUT CONSIST OF MY BEING.
48731	uu: SO I FEEL THAT. THE MORE I GROW IN POWER.
48732	uu: THE MORE STUFF IT SHOULD TURN OUT I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR.
48733	uu: UP TO AND INCLUDING. EVERYTHING THAT EVER HAPPENS.
48734	uu: EVEN IF IT HAS TO BE.
48735	uu: RETROACTIVELY.
48736	GT: Hmmmmm...
48737	GT: Nope!
48738	GT: Dont reckon i understand much of that either.
48739	GT: But i guess im not supposed to. Me not being a time maestro or what have you.
48740	GT: I guess i should be boning up on hope though. What can you tell me about that?
48741	uu: I DON'T KNOW A FUCKING THING ABOUT HOPE.
48742	uu: IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE A FORCE OF "UNPARALLELED POWER". BUT REALLY. IT SOUNDS SO LAME.
48743	uu: BUT I GUESS THAT'S WHY IT MAKES SENSE THAT IT'S YOUR ASPECT.
48744	uu: YOU STRIKE ME AS A GUY WHO IS LAME ENOUGH. TO HOPE SOMEONE TO DEATH. SO WHY DON'T YOU TELL *ME* ABOUT IT??
48745	GT: Tell you about hope?
48746	GT: Um well its something i think everyone should have in their hearts.
48747	uu: I KNEW IT. YOU JUST SAID.
48748	uu: THE LAMEST POSSIBLE THING.
48749	GT: But i wasnt finished!
48750	uu: FUCK.
48751	GT: Hope to me is all about believing in stuff.
48752	GT: If you believe in stuff then everything feels like its going to turn out ok.
48753	GT: And if you believe in stuff with enough gusto i dare say it imbues that stuff with a pinch more chutzpah. Even the fake stuff!
48754	GT: And then if you keep an open mind and adventurous spirit, that chutzpah flows directly into your heart, and thats when YOU have the power.
48755	GT: So i think if hope grants one the power to smite villainy and vanquish hooligans thats probably where it comes from!
48756	uu: NO.
48757	uu: OH GOD. NO.
48758	uu: THAT IS ACTUALLY THE WORST THING I'VE EVER READ.
48759	uu: THAT CAN'T BE RIGHT. I REFUSE TO BELIEVE IT.
48760	GT: Well THERES your problem dude. You dont want to BELIEVE!
48761	GT: Just let go and believe in things. Then youll find you had the power in you all along.
48762	uu: YOU ARE SO DUMB. I JUST KEEP CAN'T BELIEVING IT. HOW TRULY STUPID YOU ARE.
48763	uu: WHATEVER. FORGET I ASKED.
48764	uu: I'M SURE YOU'LL FIND OUT WHAT HOPE IS REALLY ABOUT. INSTEAD OF THAT INSIPID BULLSHIT.
48765	uu: ONCE YOU BECOME A GOD TIER.
48766	GT: How do i do that?
48767	uu: YOU GO TO PROSPIT. GET ON YOUR QUEST SARSWAPAGUS. AND FUCKING DIE.
48768	GT: Die???
48769	uu: YEAH. YOU OFF YOURSELF WITHOUT HESITATION.
48770	uu: OR FAILING THAT. DUE TO PATHETIC COWARDICE.
48771	uu: YOU WAIT AROUND TO BE SLAIN SERENDIPITOUSLY.
48772	uu: DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. I HAVE ALL THIS UNDER CONTROL.
48773	uu: IT'S ONE OF THE WAYS I'M HELPING YOU TO THE TOP.
48774	GT: Ok then. I will choose to believe you.
48775	GT: See what i did there? I just scored a few more hope points!
48776	GT: By strengthening my trust in you as well as our burgeoning friendship.
48777	GT: Oh also, friendship is a HUGE key to being good at hope. I forgot to mention that.
48778	uu: GROAN.
48779	uu: I CAN'T WAIT UNTIL YOU CHALLENGE ME.
48780	uu: SO I CAN BEAT YOU SENSELESS WITH MY CANE.
48781	GT: Me neither!
48782	GT: So you say you will help me be a god tier...
48783	GT: But there are other ways you will help too?
48784	uu: YES.
48785	uu: I AM GOING TO GIVE YOU A GIFT.
48786	uu: IT IS MY JUJU.
48787	GT: Neat!
48788	GT: But what the bejesus is a juju?
48789	uu: I REALLY FIND IT HARD. TO COMPREHEND WHAT SORT OF ASSHOLE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT A JUJU IS.
48790	uu: BUT SINCE I AM YOUR PATRON MANBRO. I WILL PUT ASIDE THOSE FEELINGS. AND ATTEMPT TO BE A LITTLE MORE GAY.
48791	GT: That would be hunky dory.
48792	GT: In my view distinguished gentlemen should always strive to be as gay as possible with each other.
48793	uu: AMEN TO FUCKING THAT.
48794	uu: ANYWAY. A JUJU IS A MAGICAL THING. IT HAS NO REAL BEGINNING OR END.
48795	uu: THEY'RE JUST ALWAYS AROUND. THERE FOR YOU.
48796	uu: YOU GROW UP WITH THEM. AND THEY BRING YOU COMFORT. AND YOU NEVER QUESTION THEIR EXISTENCE.
48797	uu: IT'S LIKE SOME OF THE SHIT YOU HAD IN YOUR ROOM AS A KID. EXCEPT NOT USELESS GARBAGE. AND MORE MAGICAL.
48798	uu: THEY ALWAYS HAVE RULES. AND THEY ALWAYS HAVE OWNERS.
48799	uu: YOU CAN TAKE SOMEONE'S JUJU. IF THE OWNER WAS KILLED.
48800	uu: OR IF HE GIVES IT TO YOU FREELY. LIKE I'M DOING.
48801	uu: SO I WILL GIVE YOU THE CODE TO MAKE IT YOURSELF.
48802	uu: ONCE YOU DO. IT SHOULD DISAPPEAR FROM MY CHEST. AND IT WILL NO LONGER BE MINE.
48803	GT: Sounds straight forward enough.
48804	GT: Whats the code?
48805	uu: IT IS:
48806	uu: uROBuROS
48807	uu: BE CAREFUL. THAT IS CASE SENSITIVE.
48808	GT: Ok.
48809	uu: I WOULD TELL YOU THE CODE FOR MY SISTER'S JUJU. BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS.
48810	uu: A WHILE AGO I WENT TO GET HER JUJU. BUT THE FUCKING THING WAS GONE ALREADY.
48811	uu: I THINK THE CRAFTY BITCH ALREADY GAVE IT AWAY.
48812	GT: Hmm.
48813	GT: We could try to guess it maybe?
48814	uu: FORGET IT. THE POSSIBILITIES ARE PROBABLY INFINITE.
48815	GT: Yeah. Youre probably right.
48816	GT: So what sort of magical properties does your juju have?
48817	uu: I DON'T KNOW EXACTLY WHAT IT DOES.
48818	uu: I HAVE NEVER TRIED IT. BECAUSE IT WAS TOO PRECIOUS TO ME.
48819	uu: WHATEVER MINE DOES. MY SISTER'S PROBABLY DOES THE OPPOSITE THING.
48820	uu: BUT WHAT THEY DO INDIVIDUALLY. PALES IN COMPARISON TO WHAT THEY CAN DO TOGETHER.
48821	uu: WHEN COMBINED. THE JUJUS BECOME THE MOST MAGIC THING EVER.
48822	uu: THEY CAN MAKE ALL YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE. AND EVERYTHING THAT NEEDS TO HAPPEN. WILL MAGICALLY FALL INTO PLACE.
48823	GT: Really?
48824	GT: That sounds almost too good to be true.
48825	GT: If you dont even know what your juju does by itself why do you think they do that together?
48826	uu: BECAUSE I BELIEVE IT WITH ALL MY FUCKING HEART. YOU STUPID PIECE OF SHIT.
48827	GT: Oh why didnt you say so! Thats all i needed to hear!!!
48828	GT: See youre getting the hang of hope already.
48829	uu: YEAH. I GUESS.
48830	uu: THE BOTTOM LINE IS. DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
48831	uu: JUST TAKE MY JUJU. HAVE FAITH IN YOUR PATRON DUDE. AND LEAVE EVERYTHING TO ME.
48832	GT: Roger that mr lord.
48833	GT: Say. Dont you have a name? We know your sisters name... cant we know yours now too?
48834	uu: NO.
48835	uu: THERE ARE MANY THINGS YOU SHOULDNT KNOW ABOUT ME. FOR YOUR OWN GOOD.
48836	uu: IF YOU KNEW THEM. IF YOU EVEN KNEW MY NAME.
48837	uu: YOU WOULD SHIT YOUR PANTS HARDER THAN ANY HUMAN EVER HAS.
48838	uu: SO YOU MAY CONTINUE REFERRING TO ME AS YOUR LORD.
48839	GT: Well i surely dont want to spoil any clean trousers.
48840	GT: Even though your warning sounds a little hyperbolic i will trust you.
48841	GT: Um. My lord.
48842	GT: Heheheh when i call you that people could mistake our conversation for a nefarious and underhanded collusion among felons!
48843	uu: SHUT THE FUCK UP.
48844	GT: As you wish... MY LORD.
48845	GT: HEHEHEHEHEH!
48846	uu: UGH.
48847	GT: So lord. May i ask...
48848	GT: Why are you giving me your juju if it is so dear to you?
48849	GT: Is your commitment to this manbro boypledge of yours really that strong?
48850	GT: If so im really impressed. I would have a really hard time giving my favorite stuff away to a total stranger.
48851	uu: DON'T FLATTER YOURSELF.
48852	uu: THE GESTURE IS RELATIVELY MEANINGLESS. THE TRUTH OF THE MATTER IS.
48853	uu: I HAVE FOUND A NEW JUJU. A MUCH BETTER JUJU.
48854	uu: A JUJU THAT MAKES ALL OTHER JUJUS LOOK LIKE FRIVOLOUS CHILDISH NONSENSE IN COMPARISON.
48855	GT: Yeah? Then that is quite a treasure you found.
48856	GT: Where did you get it? Did you plunder a tomb or such?
48857	uu: SORT OF.
48858	uu: IT WAS EXCAVATED FROM THIS PLANET'S SOIL.
48859	uu: ALONG WITH SOME OTHER ARTIFACTS.
48860	uu: AND GIVEN TO ME.
48861	uu: BY MY INFURIATING ASSHOLE MENTOR.
48862	uu: A MAN WHO IS AN INVINCIBLE CLOWN.
48863	GT: Well that sounds nice of him. He cant be that much of an asshole if he gave you such a nice present can he?
48864	uu: NO, BELIEVE ME. HE CAN.
48865	GT: I had a clown give me a nice present once too. I would never have met my good friend mr erisol without the kindness of that clown.
48866	uu: YEAH. IT'S THE SAME FUCKING CLOWN SOMEHOW.
48867	uu: I'M TELLING YOU. THIS ASSHOLE IS ETERNAL. AND THE BEINGS HE CREATES FOR YOUR PARTY ARE DISGUSTING ABOMINATIONS.
48868	uu: BUT WHAT CAN YOU DO? NOTHING, I HAVE LEARNED. HE'S A CLOWN. THE RULES ARE. CLOWNS CAN DO WHATEVER THEY WANT. BECAUSE OF MIRACLES. AND HOLD NO ACCOUNTABILITY FOR THEIR DEEDS.
48869	uu: I DON'T LIKE IT. BUT THOSE ARE THE RULES.
48870	GT: So whats this juju he gave you?
48871	uu: SOMETHING VERY SPECIAL.
48872	uu: A WONDERFUL LITTLE FALSE MAN.
48873	uu: AND THE IRONY IS. I HAVE SEEN HIM BEFORE.
48874	uu: BUT I REGARDED HIM WITH SUSPICION AND FEAR.
48875	uu: I WAS A FOOL THOUGH. I DID NOT UNDERSTAND THE SPECIAL BOND WITH HIM THAT I HAD.
48876	uu: BECAUSE I DID NOT HAVE A CHANCE. TO GAZE SOULFULLY INTO HIS BEAUTIFUL EYES.
48877	uu: AND COMMUNE WITH THE DOLL. IN A PERSONAL AND INTIMATE WAY.
48878	GT: Gosh...
48879	GT: That might just be the gayest thing ive ever heard.
48880	uu: THANK YOU.
48881	uu: YOUR HUMAN CONCEPT OF GAYNESS. ADEQUATELY DESCRIBES THE FEELINGS I HAVE. WHEN I EMBRACE MY PERFECT FLOPPY LITTLE MAN.
48882	uu: THE THING IS. I UNDERSTAND HIM MORE NOW.
48883	uu: BEFORE I THOUGHT HE WAS A CURSED VESSEL OF MISFORTUNE. WHICH SEEMED EERILY EMPTY TO ME.
48884	uu: HE WAS HOLLOW. NOT YET FILLED WITH BAD JUJU.
48885	uu: AND LOOKING IN HIS EYES NOW. I SEE. THAT I WAS RIGHT. ALMOST.
48886	uu: HE IS EMPTY RIGHT NOW. BUT A JUJU FOLLOWS A LONG AND WINDING PATH ON ITS ETERNAL JOURNEY.
48887	uu: AND HE WILL NOT BE EMPTY FOREVER.
48888	uu: SOMEWHERE ALONG HIS JOURNEY.
48889	uu: IN SOME WAY I DON'T UNDERSTAND YET.
48890	uu: HE WILL STOP BEING EMPTY.
48891	uu: AND HIS CURSE WILL COME TO LIFE.
48892	uu: AND WHEREVER HE GOES. TO WHATEVER UNIVERSE OR PLANE OF REALITY.
48893	uu: ALL WHO EXIST THERE. WILL EXPERIENCE NOTHING BUT MISERY AND DEATH.
48894	uu: YOU SEE. THERE IS NOTHING WORSE THAN A CURSED JUJU.
48895	uu: WHICH IS WHY I WAS SO NERVOUS ABOUT HIM BEFORE.
48896	uu: BUT ALL ALONG. THERE WAS NOTHING FOR ME TO FEAR.
48897	uu: BECAUSE NOW I KNOW. THROUGH INTENSIVE COMMUNION WITH THIS PRECIOUS MYSTICAL PUPPET.
48898	uu: THAT THE CURSE WHICH WILL BLOSSOM IN HIS FLUFFY HEART. WILL DO SO.
48899	uu: BECAUSE OF ME!
48900	uu: I CAN'T EXPLAIN IT.
48901	uu: BUT WHEN I LOOK DEEP INTO HIS EYES.
48902	uu: I CAN FEEL HIM OUT THERE.
48903	uu: IN LATER STAGES OF HIS LIFE.
48904	uu: BY WHICH I MEAN.
48905	uu: I CAN FEEL *MYSELF*.
48906	uu: THROUGH HIM SOMEHOW.
48907	uu: AS IF MY ESSENCE WILL ONE DAY BECOME.
48908	uu: ENTANGLED WITH THE VOID.
48909	uu: AND THEN MYSTERIOUSLY ACCESSIBLE.
48910	uu: THROUGH MY SOFT HAPPY PAL.
48911	uu: AND ALL THOSE ALONG THE WAY.
48912	uu: WHO HE DEEMS WORTHY.
48913	uu: OF ACCEPTING INTO HIS CUSTODY.
48914	uu: IF THEY SHOULD DARE TO FONDLY GAZE.
48915	uu: INTO HIS SPARKLING BABY BLUES.
48916	uu: THEY WILL BE PEERING THROUGH THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WINDOWS.
48917	uu: INTO MY HIDEOUS SOUL.
48918	You enter the upstairs hallway after completing a successful SADJUMP on to your balcony.
48919	Finally, some peace and quiet. Hopefully you will find some respite from all the cyber bullying and teen drama you've had to deal with lately.
48920	It's been a while since you were home. You're immediately reminded of simpler times. When it was just you and your dad, and you could always smell something baking in the oven. Actually, thinking about those days is just making you more emotional. Maybe coming home was a bad idea.
48921	Here's this familiar douche bag again. A hallway fixture, ever since dad stopped pretending to like detectives and sitcom guys for your sake. Your dad loved this douche bag, whoever he is. This guy is probably the closest thing you have left to a father, now that your dad is most likely dead.
48922	You consider going to his bedroom, but you decide against it. The ties and hats strewn about, the melange of aftershave and cologne, the childhood photos he keeps of you... no, those reminders could only lead to another mental breakdown. You'll never forget the first breakdown you had when you snuck into his room. You found an unwrapped present before your birthday. It was a box of Gushers, and you were stunned to realize that awful gooey fruit snack was manufactured by the very same company you were due to inherit. As everything you thought you knew came crashing down around you, that day you swore the moment you ascended to the throne of the BCCorp empire, you would issue an immediate global recall of the foul product and discontinue it forever. You often joked that the snacks were so nasty, it was almost like they were filled with multicolored slime harvested from plump extraterrestrial larva. When you told your dad about your plans for the product, you both had a good laugh.
48923	You have got to stop remembering things about your father. It's just way too sad.
48924	The characteristically tight-lipped HALLWAY CERA unsurprisingly has no advice for you regarding the tragic loss of a family member. You could always relate to the role he played as George Michael, the dorky child of a single, doting father. But unlike you, George Michael was always surrounded by an extended family and their hilarious antics, and he would never know the tragedy of losing everyone he ever loved. You suddenly resent George Michael and the HALLWAY CERA altogether for the happy ending he was allowed to have with his father which you will never get to experience.
48925	In fact, you think you are starting to hate the HALLWAY CERA. Someone needs to wipe that smug look off his face.
48926	HOO HOO HOO!
48927	HOO...
48928	Hoo.
48929	You... GUESS it's kinda funny?
48930	No. It is not funny at all. It is depressing. You're depressing yourself now.
48931	Your PRANKSTER'S GAMBIT goes into a tailspin and hits rock bottom. You have never felt so sad and unfunny in your entire life.
48932	You begin to cry again. The HALLWAY CERA glares in judgment at your weakness through his unfunny puss.
48933	You return to your room. Hey, there's your old UNREAL HEIRESS THOUGHTWAVE TIARATOP. You haven't used that thing in ages. It's probably for the best that you stopped. You're pretty sure it was doing funny things to your head.
48934	Maybe you shouldn't have come here either. All you see is more stuff to remind you why you're feeling super down about everything.
48935	Like this. Jake sent you the PERIWINKLE HEARTTHROB pinup back when you were still able to think about him without feeling horrible about yourself. Those were the days.
48936	It's funny how looking at a thoughtful gift which once brought you such delight now only precipitates feelings of bitterness. Even the innocent Mr. Funke is caught in the crossfire of your lamentations. How could Tobias be so clueless?? How could he not see the pain he was causing with his oblivious demeanor, his repressed feelings of attraction toward men, and his total inability to understand other people's feelings in spite of his credentials as an analrapist? Of course on the tv show, his buffoonery resulted in laughs galore. But if that was in real life, you don't think there would be anything funny about the situation. In reality, Tobias and his family would probably never stop being sad.
48937	You think you are starting to hate the WALL TOBIAS too.
48938	On the other hand, your WALL SWANSON is still beyond reproach, and Mr. Swanson continues to be the perfect man. You know for a FACT he wouldn't put up with any of Jake's bullshit.
48939	You consider doing the thing where you kiss the poster, but you're feeling way too depressed for that sort of frivolous flapdoodle.
48940	Aaaand, wouldn't you know it. Just the guy you wanted to hear from. This ought to be good.
48941	GT: Jane are you there?
48942	GT: I wouldnt blame you for not answering since i was such a shitty boor to you last time.
48943	GT: I just wanted to formally say happy birthday.
48944	GT: And also to pass along a birthday present.
48945	GT: I doubt it will make up for all the ways ive hurt your feelings but maybe it will be a start?
48946	GT: Its some fancy juju thingamabob that calliopes bro gave to me.
48947	GT: He specifically gave it to me to make me better so i could get stronger and punch him in the snout some day or something?
48948	GT: I dunno about that. I dont think i care about becoming a great hero and challenging a weird grumpy alien all that much.
48949	GT: Not nearly as much as my friendship with you.
48950	GT: So i want you to have it instead.
48951	GT: Just use the code to make it. The code is...
48952	GT: Um...
48953	GT: ORBROBuRBROS?
48954	GT: No wait.
48955	GT: Thats way too long...
48956	GT: uBORBuBROS?
48957	GT: How many letters were codes supposed to have?
48958	GT: Fuck.
48959	GT: BROBuROBuT
48960	GT: ORuBuBROBOS
48961	GT: No. Uh...
48962	GT: BROBRO... something?
48963	GT: Wait no there were definitely some little u's in it...
48964	GT: Shit. I really should have copied it down before i closed the chat window.
48965	GT: OuROBOuRBON
48966	GT: BuRBORuBROS...
48967	GT: Wow those arent even close.
48968	GT: Hang on let me think.
48969	You close the chat window without a word. You cannot BELIEVE that guy. Trying to regift you a present, from that ASSHOLE of all people?! You don't want anything from that horrible creep. You don't care HOW magic it is. He can take his stupid juju and shove it up his patoot.
48970	Sorry Tobias, but Jane has decided that you represent Jake for the purpose of this angry outburst.
48971	Oh no.
48972	Oh no this conversation is going to make you even sadder isn't it.
48973	UU: happy birthday, jane! ^u^
48974	forgive me for sUbmitting this letter and logging off right away, bUt i am breaking with oUr UsUal linear dialogUe, and i'd rather not tempt either of Us to trade caUsal spoilers. i wanted to give yoU a present. something told me yoU coUld Use a pick-me-Up aboUt now. :u
48975	i am sending yoU the code for my jUjU. it may not be easy for a hUman to Understand, bUt jUjUs are very special to my people. so when i give yoU this gift, it is indicative of how mUch yoUr friendship has meant to me, jane. it has some magical properties, bUt nothing too fancy on its own. i hope it will bring a smile to yoUr face nevertheless. bUt if yoU want to know the trUth, it will become infinitely more UsefUl if it is combined with my brother's jUjU. perhaps when we begin playing oUr game, i will be able to convince him to relinqUish it. one of these days he'll Understand working with others is going to be necessary if he wants to accomplish anything.
48976	i am so looking forward to my session and catching Up to where yoU are now! i can only imagine what kind of adventUres yoU mUst have been throUgh already. i can't help bUt think we've been feverishly trading notes on oUr respective qUests since yoU entered, no? maybe yoU are even tired of hearing from me by now! u_u apologies both retroactively and in advance for talking yoUr lovely hUman ear off. bUt i jUst know i won't be able to contain my excitement!
48977	anyhow, the code for my jUjU is: "UrobUros"
48978	ta!
48979	You were right.
48980	That conversation made you so, so sad.
48981	SO sad.
48982	TG: jane
48983	TG: jane
48984	TG: jane
48985	TG: jane
48986	TG: janes 4 ev
48987	TG: /take deepest jane yellin breath
48988	TG: JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAOmfg yeah right
48989	TG: like there is any chance u answer me
48990	TG: with today being international everybody ignore roxy day
48991	TG: LEEEEE sigh
48992	TG: like
48993	TG: doing literally the frenchest of possible sighs over here
48994	TG: its wearing a lopsided beret in the city of goddamn light falling in FUCKING love
48995	TG: such is my sigh
48996	TG: am packing TOTES ennui janey
48997	TG: or shd i say.......
48998	TG: ennOUI ;)
48999	TG: wait
49000	TG: ennui is probably already a french word??
49001	TG: not sure that one needs anymore frenching up...
49002	TG: i should know this b cause my last name is french sounding
49003	TG: even tho im p sure my mom did not hail from france
49004	TG: idk
49005	TG: who even "LA CARES"
49006	TG: hehehe fuck you, A CERTAIN LANGUAGE
49007	TG: uum yeah
49008	TG: so the report is
49009	TG: that i already said to some chumps & im getting max fatigued repeatin it
49010	TG: im on derse we need to be god tiers and die on slabs n junk
49011	TG: + im invisible cause of ring
49012	TG: w/e
49013	TG: oh
49014	TG: i think your dads here and hes probably alright?
49015	TG: so theres that
49016	TG: oh!
49017	TG: i saw callie 2 shes ok
49018	TG: well i mean shes dead
49019	TG: but in ghost form
49020	TG: so shes as ok as one can be who is also dead
49021	TG: which is apparently just fine?
49022	TG: so the lesson of the moral is u can be way fine & dead at sames time
49023	TG: jane let us now reflect upon the weighty existential ramifications of that thing i said
49024	TG: yesssss
49025	TG: just me an my bestie, ballin hecka reveries 2day
49026	TG: the biggest questions which have tormented the wisest scholars and pundits for mad epochs just got so roflariously owned
49027	TG: hey callie also said she would send you a bday thing?
49028	TG: did u get
49029	TG: she must have sent a code
49030	TG: which you have to make urself
49031	TG: so
49032	TG: maybe youre doin that now?
49033	TG: hope ur doin that
49034	TG: im real curious 2 know what it is suddenly
49035	TG: man
49036	TG: im bored
49037	TG: like we got all this big deal crap to do and i cant even talk to no one
49038	TG: jane
49039	TG: ambiguous voidey powers notwithstanding
49040	TG: im starting 2 think i might be genetically predisposed to ramblin at length into empty chat clients
49041	TG: well
49042	TG: hit me up if up see this
49043	TG: maybe ill try 2 txt fefeta
49044	TG: my dear precious fefeta
49045	TG: i know SHE would never ignore me ;3
49046	TG: SWOOOOON + <33333 @ FEFETA, AND THUS MAKING CROCKER SO JELLIES
49047	)(IC: yo dont fuck with my heiress
49048	)(IC: gurl got royal bidness porpoises to attend
49049	)(IC: and do not even T)(INK i dont know you out a jail bitch
49050	)(IC: you take a flip thru ma secret jam yet
49051	)(IC: dat sparkle shit i left w tha dance clowns on
49052	TG: oh noes
49053	TG: is the witch
49054	TG: .___.
49055	No point standing around sobbing while getting brainwashed by your computer. You decide to make yourself useful and see what all this juju fuss is about.
49056	You got a GREEN SUCKER, at a cost of negative one unit of ZILLIUM.
49057	Which you guess means... you gain one unit of ZILLIUM in addition to the sucker.
49058	Ok?
49059	You aren't a big fan of the guy, but since these are supposed to do something special together, you figure what the hell.
49060	You easily deduce the code Jake was trying to remember. It's uROBuROS. Come on Jake, use your head. Haven't you ever heard of the mythical snake biting its own tail? You worry about that kid sometimes.
49061	Anyway, obviously the code for his juju was going to be the same as Calliope's, but written in the reverse case to match his quirk. Once again your gumshoeing skills pay huge dividends.
49062	You got a RED SUCKER.
49063	This one unsurprisingly yields another unit of ZILLIUM.
49064	Yes, suckers.
49065	What's so magical about these things? You guess you're supposed to lick them. But what magic thing could possibly happen if you lick these, and what's so special about having both of them?? Jujus are so mysterious.
49066	Wait... they seem to be attracted to each other. Like magnets. Whoa. Very STRONG magnets!
49067	The jujus snap together to form a single SPIRAL SUCKER.
49068	The urge to lick it is suddenly overwhelming.
49069	It looks so delicious. You are presumably being compelled to lick the sucker by some powerful juju enchantment. But it's making you nervous. You must resist!
49070	Must...
49071	Not...
49072	Lick...
49073	THE JUJU!!!!!!!!!!!
49074	OH BOY!!!
49075	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/trickjanetxt_1.gif" border="0" />
49076	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/trickjanetxt_2.gif" border="0" />
49077	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/trickjanetxt_3.gif" border="0" />
49078	JAKE: Jane?
49079	JAKE: Is that you??
49080	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/trickjanetxt_4.gif" border="0" />
49081	JAKE: Jane uh...
49082	JAKE: What the hell happened to you?
49083	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/trickjanetxt_5.gif" border="0" />
49084	JAKE: What?
49085	JAKE: Really??
49086	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/trickjanetxt_6.gif" border="0" />
49087	JAKE: Jane
49088	JAKE: I...
49089	JAKE: um
49090	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/trickjanetxt_7.gif" border="0" />
49091	JAKE: Jane youre frightening me!
49092	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/trickjanetxt_8.gif" border="0" />
49093	JAKE: No jane you are seriously scaring the shit out of me!
49094	JAKE: You seem unwell...
49095	JAKE: Are you sure youre alright?
49096	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/trickjanetxt_9.gif" border="0" />
49097	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/trickjanetxt_10.gif" border="0" />
49098	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/trickjanetxt_11.gif" border="0" />
49099	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/PEACHY.gif" border="0" />
49100	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/JAKENOOOOOO.gif" border="0" />
49101	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/trickjaketxt_1b.gif" border="0" />
49102	ERISOLSPRITE: fuck no.
49103	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/trickjaketxt_2.gif" border="0" />
49104	ERISOLSPRITE: fuck you, fuck my liife, fuck liiterally evverything, fuck fuck fuck.
49105	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/trickjaketxt_3.gif" border="0" />
49106	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/trickjaketxt_4.gif" border="0" />
49107	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/trickjaketxt_5.gif" border="0" />
49108	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/trickjaketxt_6.gif" border="0" />
49109	TG: batterwitch pls help
49110	TG: my friends are completely insane
49111	TG: can you throw me back in jail :(
49112	)(IC: gurl u made your cocoon
49113	)(IC: DWI
49114	)(er Imperious Condescension logged the fuck out.
49115	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/trickjaketxt_7.gif" border="0" />
49116	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/trickjaketxt_8.gif" border="0" />
49117	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/trickjaketxt_9.gif" border="0" />
49118	ROXY: (im so boned)
49119	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/trickroxytxt_1.gif" border="0" />
49120	ERISOLSPRITE: 2o uh...
49121	ERISOLSPRITE: hey there unholy combiinatiion of nepeta and feferii.
49122	ERISOLSPRITE: howwvve you been?
49123	ERISOLSPRITE: wwoww that wwa2 a dumb que2tiion iim 2orry.
49124	ERISOLSPRITE: thii2 ii2 pretty awwkwward ii2nt iit.
49125	FEFETASPRITE: 3833 < 38\
49126	ERISOLSPRITE: wwhat wwa2 that?
49127	ERISOLSPRITE: FUCK ii cant hear a goddamn thiing wwiith the2e FLIIPPIIN IIDIIOT2 doiin theiir candy giiggle rampage.
49128	ERISOLSPRITE: can barely evven hear my owwn wword2 ovver thii2 2hriill diin of hiideou2 piink.
49129	ERISOLSPRITE: dont a2k me wwhy ii thiink iit 2ound2 piink iit JU2T DOE2 ok?
49130	FEFETASPRITE: 38?? < 38?
49131	ERISOLSPRITE: anywway ii gue22 iivve been wwantiing twwo 2ay.
49132	ERISOLSPRITE: part of me ii2 2orry for kiilliing part of you.
49133	ERISOLSPRITE: ii mean that not a2 the part a me that u2ed twwo be your mate2priit cau2e OBVVIIOU2LY that part wwa2nt re2pon2iible for that 2curriilou2 2hiit.
49134	ERISOLSPRITE: but the part of me that u2ed twwo be moraiil2 wwiith part a you.
49135	ERISOLSPRITE: and wwhereiin nepeta ii2 ju2t kiind of a wweiirdly unrelated by2tander iin thii2 wwhole me22?
49136	ERISOLSPRITE: 2o ii gue22 the wwhole me ii2 2orry twwo nepeta for havviin twwo put up wwiith thii2 2hiitty lovve triiangle fallout.
49137	ERISOLSPRITE: AUGH thii2 ii2 ab2olutely the 2HIITTIIE2T apology 2iituatiion ii can evven FUCKIING fathom.
49138	ERISOLSPRITE: cant evven get 2ome legiitiimate feeliin2 of remor2e off my che2t cau2e the che2t ha2 contradiictory feeliin2 a twwo people and the reciipiient ii2 the amalgamatiion of the wwronged party and 2omebody wwho could not giivve a bloody 2hiittiing FUCK about any a thii2.
49139	ERISOLSPRITE: nevver miind thii2 reconciiliiatiion ha2 been an ab2olute dii2a2ter.
49140	ERISOLSPRITE: can wwe at lea2t come twwo term2 on a 2ound poliicy of 'fuck gamzee'?
49141	ERISOLSPRITE: cau2e all iim 2ayiin ii2 ba2iically.
49142	ERISOLSPRITE: ju2t.
49143	ERISOLSPRITE: fuck that guy.
49144	FEFETASPRITE: 38)) < 38)
49145	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/trickroxytxt_2.gif" border="0" />
49146	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/trickroxytxt_3.gif" border="0" />
49147	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/trickroxytxt_4.gif" border="0" />
49148	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/trickroxytxt_5.gif" border="0" />
49149	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/trickroxytxt_6.gif" border="0" />
49150	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/trickroxytxt_7.gif" border="0" />
49151	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/trickroxytxt_8.gif" border="0" />
49152	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/trickroxytxt_9.gif" border="0" />
49153	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/trickroxytxt_10.gif" border="0" />
49154	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Mister bro, listen to my advice
49155	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I think you should just go for it
49156	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> This is coming not only from your mystical guide, not only from an alternate version of yourself, but from a dude with a <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arspritetxt_fucking.gif" border="0" /> spectacular body
49157	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> We both know you're never going to be happy under ordinary circumstances
49158	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> You just do not have the right kind of think pan to sustain that emotion
49159	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> 100k at me. I needed to merge a sweaty guy who loves horses in order to be happy
49160	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Gosh <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arspritetxt_damned.gif" border="0" /> horses Dirk
49161	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I think about them all the time while I fle% and it makes me smile
49162	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> It seems that similarly e%treme measures will be needed for you as well
49163	DIRK: Oh whatever.
49164	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/trickroxytxt_11.gif" border="0" />
49165	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> You there. Small servant with the umbrella
49166	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Fetch me a towel at once
49167	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/trickdirktxt_1.gif" border="0" />
49168	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/trickdirktxt_2.gif" border="0" />
49169	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> E%cuse me, you there
49170	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Unsavory concoction of royalty and peasantry
49171	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Come grope my humongous biceps
49172	ERISOLSPRITE: no bloody wway.
49173	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Yes, do it
49174	ERISOLSPRITE: equiiu2 wwhy are you actiin liike 2uch a bulge2niiffiin twwolbox wwhat the hell happened twwo you?
49175	ERISOLSPRITE: and wwhy are you wweariin that guy2 lame gla22e2. take tho2e off evven you had more 2tyle than that.
49176	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Alright, no takers there I see. Only a pair of grotesque philistines blustering through the same coarse ignorance tunnel
49177	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> What about you, miss unpalatable combination of Feferi and
49178	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> And
49179	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Oh
49180	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Oh no
49181	ERISOLSPRITE: wwhat.
49182	FEFETASPRITE: 3833 < 38o
49183	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Dirk
49184	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Dirk, help, I'm having a problem
49185	DIRK: What??
49186	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> A part of me is having a very STRONG emotional reaction which I don't like
49187	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> It's a part of myself I'm ashamed of
49188	DIRK: What part.
49189	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> The troll part. It did something shameful once
49190	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I do not find such emotions to be an acceptable feature of my new e%istence
49191	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> How can I make this feeling go away
49192	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Dirk, I command you to instruct me how to eliminate these emotions
49193	DIRK: Can't help you bro!
49194	DIRK: This is what you asked for. You said you were scared to not exist.
49195	DIRK: Well, this is what it's like to keep on existing. Better figure out how to deal!
49196	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> No. That's awful
49197	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I don't know what to do
49198	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> With all of my astounding STRENGTH, both muscular and cerebral, how can I be stymied so?
49199	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Dying was better than having to live with the shame which was ironically caused by the very death in question
49200	ERISOLSPRITE: equiiu2 wwhat the FUCK are you talkiing about.
49201	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> You, seadwelling mustard b100d
49202	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Half of me commands the peasant half of you to resolve my emotional turmoil, while humbly requesting the noble half of you to do the same
49203	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> The other half of me doesn't give a flying hoot about your lame caste bull<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arspritetxt_shit.gif" border="0" /> and is just kind of freaking out internally about this
49204	ERISOLSPRITE: ehehehe wwoww zahhak you miight actually be more a me22 than me, ii am fuckiin iimpre22ed.
49205	ERISOLSPRITE: but yeah talkiin iit out wwhen you got aiim2 a reconciiliiatiion help2, me and the feferii 2iide a thii2 abomiinatiion had a niice talk earliier, 2orta.
49206	ERISOLSPRITE: 2ay wwhat you got twwo 2ay, ju2t dont me22 wwiith the feferii part2 twwo much ok man? 2he2 vvery dear to me, ii mean both part2 a me got iit?
49207	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> You're right, I must speak to her
49208	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Nepeta, I swore that I would protect you, but I failed
49209	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> In a moment of weakness my reverence for a superior got the better of me, and instead of standing up for you I decided to bow before a stupid <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arspritetxt_fucking.gif" border="0" /> juggalo or something? What?
49210	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Wait, I actually did that? What the fresh nickering <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arspritetxt_hell.gif" border="0" /> is WRONG with me?
49211	FEFETASPRITE: 38(( < 38\
49212	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I am not a perfect man, Nepeta. Nor am I "purrfect" as you might say. What the fudge? A cat pun? Let's pull our <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arspritetxt_shit.gif" border="0" /> together dude, this emotional state is mad abysmal
49213	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> But in any case, I hope you can find it within your kind olive pump biscuit to... forgive...
49214	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> NO!
49215	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> GOSH DANGIT! I don't deserve to be forgiven, what am I saying! The <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arspritetxt_shit.gif" border="0" /> I pulled on you was so bad... I just can't even...
49216	ERISOLSPRITE: hey can you maybe wwrap up thii2 p2ychotiic apology you wwretched freak. wwoww youre actually makiin me look liike the model a mental health.
49217	ERISOLSPRITE: anywway youre confu2iin the feferii 2iide of her wwiith your wweiird emotiional baggage.
49218	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Allow me to finish, sir/peon
49219	ERISOLSPRITE: feferii try not twwo lii2ten twwo anythiin he 2ay2.
49220	ERISOLSPRITE: youvve had enough heartache twwo endure wwiithout lumpiing iin nepeta2 twwii2ted relatiion2hiip wwiith thii2 hor2ekii22iin mu2clefuck.
49221	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Nepeta, you will disregard any conversation directed at Feferi and focus solely on my attempted statements of contrition
49222	ERISOLSPRITE: man wwhat riight do you havve to order nepeta to do ANYTHIN, let alone lii2ten to your confliicted wwhiiniing?
49223	ERISOLSPRITE: heheh, fef can you BELIIEVVE thii2 guy??
49224	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Do not address Feferi while I'm talking Nepeta
49225	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> It's confusing to Nepeta, who is critical in absolving me of guilt, even though I probably don't deserve it?
49226	ERISOLSPRITE: fuck your ab2olutiion ii take back my advviice.
49227	ERISOLSPRITE: 2top talkiin twwo nepeta and LEAVVE FEFERII ALONE.
49228	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> No
49229	ERISOLSPRITE: ye2.
49230	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> No
49231	ERISOLSPRITE: ye2.
49232	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> No
49233	ERISOLSPRITE: augh im not doin your dumba22 ye2/no 2hit!!
49234	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Then leave us, for I and my morail have much to discuss
49235	ERISOLSPRITE: no you fliippiin DONT, thii2 conver2atiion ii2 over.
49236	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Yes I do
49237	ERISOLSPRITE: no you dont.
49238	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Yes
49239	ERISOLSPRITE: no.
49240	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Yes
49241	ERISOLSPRITE: NO.
49242	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Yes
49243	ERISOLSPRITE: NO THII2 HA2 TWWO 2TOP!! CANT YOU 2EE WWERE TEARIIN FEFETA APART??
49244	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/OHBOY.gif" border="0" />
49245	You round up an assortment of ordinary household weaponry and begin to recreate a series of legendary weapons from the seven continents of a magical kingdom from cherubim folklore. The name of the kingdom is a well guarded secret, traded only by the cunning ninnywizards in hushed giggles. If you beheld this kingdom - if you even knew its name - you would understand stupidity no human ever has. For it is said that any mortal who listens to its melodious, perfectly absurd syllables will achieve instantaneous dumblightenment.
49246	Each legendary weapon is named after the continent it was created in. But no one in the kingdom knows which name belongs to what continent, not even the wizards. The subjects frequently ask each other which continent they're on, and as such every conversation tends to sound like an Abbott and Costello routine. Some have even speculated that the vaudevillian comedy duo are the kingdom's mirthful messiahs, but that is a matter of heated debate among the federation of baloneyscholars.
49247	There she is. Forged in fire by the smiths of Pipplemop, commissioned by the sage Lord of the Wozzinjay Fiefdom in the Realm of the Snargly Fruzmigbubbins,
49248	You made...
49249	THE WARHAMMER OF ZILLYHOO
49250	Plucked from the revered utensil drawer of none other than the Chieftain of the Trifletoot Clan himself, polished to a gleam in his loincloth by his devoted Abecedarian Buttersquire,
49251	Behold.
49252	THE BATTLESPORK OF ZILLYWUT
49253	Each was hand crafted by the seniormost Artillery Hermit of the hallowed Schundermoist Caves, to be mounted in times of peace upon the Royal Burblemonk's personal Placard of Dwib,
49254	Lo:
49255	THE FLINTLOCKS OF ZILLYHAU
49256	Swashed from the buckles of the rough'n tumble Bellyjape Seamen and offered atop the kingdom's last known wildly occurring pluffy dimplepillow to the resplendent 1st Rumbylumplewiffig of the Horsehorsehorse Administration,
49257	I give you ->
49258	THE CUTLASS OF ZILLYWAIR
49259	Cast from the most priceless squippyclink ores mined from the famous whooping volcanoes owned and curated by the distinguished Maximillion Hotpocket Puckershuttle Junior, and then packed to the brim with the hilarious traveling Grief Miser's explosive winklepork snuff,
49260	*Ta da*
49261	THE BLUNDERBUSS OF ZILLYWIGH
49262	A real hard sword for a real hard dude. It was said to be forged by a Japanese master over the heat of a roaring manga fire. It was cooled in an enchanted spring where virgin horses bathe, and
49263	Yeah this is still just Dirk's sword.
49264	Flippety dippety doo bup bup shrubber double floppy mumblescurry noodlescoop pizzabubble pizzabubble mip mip mip mip mip mip.
49265	Check it out.
49266	THE THISTLES OF ZILLYWICH
49267	For good measure, you decide to make ZILLYWAVE and SAWHOO.
49268	Just to be on the safe side.
49269	Some day you'll look back on this decision and say thank god I did that.
49270	What next?
49271	Are you sure that's really a good idea?
49272	A fancy santa is already such a piece of shit. Maybe let's try not to get carried away making shitty things even shittier than they need to be.
49273	Ok. You make a ZILLY SANTA.
49274	You guess that's fine.
49275	As long as you only make one.
49276	OH FUCK YOU MAKE A BUNCH OF ZILLY SANTAS.
49277	Ok kids I think it's time we moved this along, don't you?
49278	HELLO???
49279	Fuckin teens.
49280	God dammit.
49281	We're just gonna zoom in forever on that santa nose aren't we.
49282	Ok we're done here.
49283	You return to the safety of ACT 6 ACT 5 ACT 1. You finally slip out of the fabled peachbirth trance of the jokebollocks, and cease quaking in the foodsandwich throes of the goofjester tongues, stubborn though they were.
49284	Let us never speak of ACT 6 ACT 5 ACT 2 again.
49285	WHAT THE FUCK.
49286	?
49287	JUST.
49288	WHAT.
49289	What what.
49290	NO.
49291	Please don't type in the narrative prompt.
49292	YOU CAN'T FUCKING DO THAT.
49293	Do what.
49294	GO BACKWARDS.
49295	This isn't backwards stupid. It's forwards.
49296	After all the trickster shit happened.
49297	NO. I MEAN.
49298	BACKWARDS BY AN "ACT".
49299	OR I GUESS. AN "ACT ACT ACT"?
49300	ARGH. I HATE THE THINGS I'M FORCED TO SAY. AND ACKNOWLEDGE AS REAL. BECAUSE OF YOU.
49301	I can go back all the act act acts I want.
49302	The act act acts are kind of meaningless anyway.
49303	Besides, trickster mode was getting obnoxious.
49304	NO IT WASN'T!
49305	Yes it was.
49306	NO.
49307	Yes.
49308	NO.
49309	Let's not do the Equius yes/no thing.
49310	IT WAS GREAT. IT WAS THE BEST THING I EVER UNLOCKED. FROM YOUR BULLSHIT MONITORS.
49311	DON'T ERASE THE ONLY AWESOME THING. I EVER SAW THESE ASSHOLES DO. ASIDE FROM DYING.
49312	What are you talking about? I didn't erase it. It was still a thing that happened.
49313	Do you really think I have the power to make something unhappen??
49314	I would have to be a wizard to do that. And as we both know perfectly well, magic is fake as shit.
49315	I WANT TO SEE MORE CANDY ANTICS YOU AWFUL FUCK.
49316	SEND ME BACK FORWARD TO THE NEXT ACT ACT ACT.
49317	No way.
49318	And incidentally, I didn't authorize you to send that lollipop.
49319	OH, WHAT. YOU DON'T APPROVE OF MY JUJU?!
49320	Approve of kids doing something kinda like drugs and making dumb plans to get quadruple married and have babies?
49321	No, I don't approve of that.
49322	Besides, that's no way to make progress.
49323	You don't just give the heroes some cheap game breaking candy let them blast through the whole adventure and all their personal issues.
49324	That's some deus ex machina shit you were trying to pull.
49325	YEAH RIGHT. MORE LIKE.
49326	DELICIOUS EX MACHINA!
49327	Lame.
49328	GO BACK.
49329	No.
49330	I MEAN BACKFORWARD.
49331	No.
49332	GO BACKFORWARD TO ACT ACT ACT WHATEVER.
49333	No.
49334	I WANT TO SEE THEM FINISH THEIR CANDY ROMP!
49335	Nope!
49336	YES.
49337	No.
49338	YES.
49339	No.
49340	YES.
49341	No.
49342	YOU PIECE OF SHIT!
49343	FINE. NOW WHAT.
49344	Caliborn, first let me explain something to you.
49345	I guess it falls on me to teach you these life lessons, because as unpleasant as the idea is for both of us, I am the closest thing you will ever have to a father.
49346	You see, teenagers are sensitive and beautiful creatures.
49347	Well, not you. You are repulsive. But most teenagers, I mean.
49348	You can't just force them to settle all their issues with insane psychotropic game powerups.
49349	They have to face all those issues themselves, or they will never learn and grow as people.
49350	WHO CARES??
49351	Well, you don't. But human beings do.
49352	The journey itself is more important than the destination.
49353	The struggle is what builds character and teaches us about ourselves and about life.
49354	BULLSHIT.
49355	I DID THEM ALL A FAVOR. BY GIVING THEM MY JUJU.
49356	THEY WERE GOING NOWHERE. AND BEING STUPID.
49357	AND DOING LITERALLY NOTHING WHATSOEVER. EXCEPT FOR WALLOWING IN GROTESQUE EMOTIONS.
49358	LOOK HOW MUCH GREAT STUFF THEY GOT DONE BECAUSE OF ME!
49359	Of course you think you were doing them a favor. You're an alien.
49360	So is your sister. She thought the juju would be a great boon for them as well. But she was wrong.
49361	See, you cherubs are predisposed to love all this trickster crap. All that goofy squeaky candy coated nonsense is a critical part of your people's mythos.
49362	That sugarized zillyjunk sort of embodies a unified field of absurd Platonic ideals to the cherubim, so when you see expressions of it in reality of course you're gonna go apeshit.
49363	But that kind of stuff is freakish and disturbing to humans. Those aren't our ideals.
49364	WHAT.
49365	Furthermore, that could only be seen as a boon from an asocial species.
49366	You never have to deal with other people. So if you lick a magic lollipop that flips a switch in your brain that says "all my problems are solved," I guess maybe that's fine for cherubs, but if you're a human you haven't actually solved anything.
49367	By the same logic it's not much of a boon to a human's physical journey either.
49368	Using an item that lets them start maniacally powering from point A to point B isn't doing them any favors.
49369	I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
49370	It's like when Mario gets the star.
49371	You know when Mario gets the star?
49372	WHO THE FUCK IS MARIO.
49373	He's a small Italian plumber who goes on sideways adventures.
49374	He jumps on stuff and bops bricks with his head to save a princess.
49375	WHAT'S ITALIAN.
49376	WHAT'S A PLUMBER.
49377	Never mind what an Italian is. It's just a kind of guy on Earth.
49378	And a plumber is a guy who fixes load gapers.
49379	WHAT'S A LOAD GAPER.
49380	Shut up.
49381	Anyway, sometimes when Mario's running sideways he gets a star that makes him magic and invincible.
49382	OH. YOU MEAN HE BECOMES TRICKSTER MARIO.
49383	Yes, but less stupid.
49384	So for a while he becomes flashy and hyperactive and nothing's challenging anymore.
49385	He just starts barreling over mushrooms and leaping over pits as fast as he can, then gets to the end and jumps on the flagpole and that's it. Mario "wins".
49386	But the point is, he didn't really win. That magic star was actually devastating to his development as a human being.
49387	WHY.
49388	Because he skipped over many critical trials on his spiritual journey.
49389	Mario NEEDS to stomp on all those mushrooms. He NEEDS to bonk those bricks with his head, for the sake of his personal growth.
49390	By using the star, he is denying himself many powerful moments of catharsis.
49391	UH.
49392	Well, I don't know. Maybe Mario isn't the best example.
49393	Like I'm not sure if Mario really even has a soul?
49394	He's just kind of a one-dimensional friendly cartoon plumber.
49395	So maybe this stuff doesn't quite apply to him.
49396	But these aren't one-dimensional plumbers we're talking about here.
49397	These are TEENS.
49398	And as we all know, teens have BIG FEELINGS.
49399	I CAN'T TAKE ANYMORE OF THIS.
49400	THE DISCOURSE WITH YOU HAS BEEN EVEN MORE GRATING AND UNPALATABLE THAN USUAL.
49401	YOU SAID YOU'D HELP ME SPEED UP MY QUEST. BUT ALL YOU DID.
49402	WAS TRICK ME INTO HEARING ANOTHER CONVERSATION. IN WHICH YOU INDULGE YOURSELF TO AN EXTENT. WHICH I CANNOT EVEN BELIEVE.
49403	I'M GOING TO HIT THINGS WITH MY CROWBAR AGAIN.
49404	No don't!
49405	Jane is still nursing a wicked hangover you ass.
49406	THEN BE USEFUL TO ME.
49407	I THINK I'VE BEEN FORCED TO UNLOCK THESE SCREENS. AND VIEW THESE POINTLESS EVENTS. LONG ENOUGH.
49408	MY QUEST IS DUMB. I WANT TO KNOW HOW TO GET ON WITH THE REAL ADVENTURE.
49409	Has it occurred to you that your quest in its limitless tedium and thankless busywork was designed to facilitate your personal growth?
49410	To prepare you for your ultimate destiny beyond this game?
49411	NO.
49412	ANYWAY DIDN'T YOU SAY ONE TIME. I WAS INCAPABLE OF GROWING???
49413	Oh right.
49414	Well, has it occurred to you that it might have been designed to fuck with your head and serve as a punishment for being such a horrible little shit?
49415	YES!!!
49416	YES.
49417	THAT OCCURS TO ME. EVERY SECOND I THINK ABOUT IT.
49418	I HAVE TOLERATED MANY AGGRAVATIONS.
49419	AND AM PREPARED TO TOLERATE MANY MORE.
49420	IF IT GETS ME CLOSER TO TRIUMPHING OVER YOU AND THIS MORONIC GAME.
49421	I WILL FIND MORE KEYS UNDER RANDOM ASS UNLABELED STONES.
49422	I WILL WATCH ANOTHER MILLION HOURS OF NUMBSKULLS WHIMPERING ABOUT THEIR ROMANCE NOT COMING TRUE.
49423	I WILL EVEN ENDURE MORE OF THESE PATENTLY LUDICROUS ACT ACT ACT ACT ACT ACTS EVEN THOUGH THEY APPEAR TO MEAN NOTHING AT ALL.
49424	BUT WHAT I WILL NOT STAND FOR.
49425	IS GOING.
49426	FUCKING.
49427	BACKWARDS!!!
49428	Fair enough.
49429	But I already told you how to accelerate your viewing.
49430	WHAT? WHEN.
49431	See those two panes of glass there?
49432	Take your crowbar and smash them.
49433	OH. YEAH.
49434	UGH. I FORGOT.
49435	IS THAT REALLY THE ONLY WAY. TO GO TO WHAT'S NEXT.
49436	SO THAT I CAN PUT MY PLANS IN MOTION?
49437	Yes.
49438	You should be pleased by the irony.
49439	Smashing the glass will cause you to reflect upon a lifetime you have yet to spend...
49440	Um.
49441	Breaking stuff.
49442	???
49443	Is the irony not fucking delicious?
49444	NO.
49445	STOP TRYING TO BOGART MY SCHTICK. OF PLAYING INSIDIOUS MIND GAMES AND DOING SHITTY TWISTS.
49446	YOU SUCK AT IT SO BAD.
49447	I'm sorry.
49448	IT'S NOT BREAKING THE GLASS I MIND.
49449	THIS IS THE THING THAT INVOLVES.
49450	*SHUDDER*
49451	"TEAM WORK"
49452	RIGHT?
49453	Yes.
49454	You and a buddy have to turn both keys simultaneously.
49455	It will teach you a wonderful lesson about life.
49456	FUCK!
49457	Don't act like you aren't secretly having a great time there with your new friends.
49458	You are practically the ringmaster of your own little dark carnival by now.
49459	And you're loving every minute of it. Don't deny it.
49460	NO I'M NOT!
49461	Sooner or later you will have to face the fact that literally all adventures are about learning the value of teamwork.
49462	Teamwork and friendship. The two razor sharp edges of the mighty excalibur which EVERY hero should keep in his scabbard.
49463	Even shitty heroes like you.
49464	FINE. I'LL DO IT.
49465	BUT ONLY BECAUSE THE ALTERNATIVE. WHERE I TALK TO YOU. FOR EVEN ONE MORE SECOND.
49466	WOULD BE SO MUCH WORSE.
49467	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/promptlock.gif" border="0" /> -- The narrative prompt has been locked. --
49468	TT: Jane.
49469	GG: What.
49470	TT: What happened to the lollipop?
49471	GG: I dropped it.
49472	GG: I think it fell into the crypt.
49473	TT: Good.
49474	GT: Roxy?
49475	TG: yynnnnnrrnrng wat
49476	GT: I take it by that disgruntled series of letters that youre feeling about as cruddy as me and jane right now.
49477	TG: yea jake
49478	TG: welcome to hangover city
49479	TG: population
49480	TG: some extra chumps besides me 4 a change
49481	GT: Well you know what they say about misery. And how it supposedly enjoys company.
49482	TG: hrrrnngh
49483	TG: no it doesnt
49484	TG: it enjoys a wet towel draped over its head
49485	TG: and less talkin
49486	GT: Hiyoooo!
49487	GT: Point well taken.
49488	TG: omg stop being so chipper dude do u feel like shit or not
49489	GT: Indubitably. Rest assured it feels like a brood of anxious vermin is making its most valiant effort to escape from my skull.
49490	TG: lol jake english w a hangover everyone
49491	TG: slow clap
49492	GT: Pardon?
49493	TG: im just sayin if youre hung over for the 1st time pls do the experience some justice
49494	TG: ur giving suffering a bad name
49495	GT: I will say the multicolored lights from my computer strobing directly into my eyeballs arent helping the matter one freaking bit.
49496	TG: SMH
49497	TG: (not literally cuz ow)
49498	TG: jake here is some sage advice from a veteran of substance abuse and its deleterious consequences
49499	TG: dont use your fuckin skulltop when you got a hangover u dork
49500	GT: Well i wouldnt but i just gave jane my only other device.
49501	GT: I dont know how many times ive told her to keep more than one computer on her no matter what in case of situations just like this.
49502	TG: oh
49503	TG: whys she want a computer
49504	TG: is that who dirks talking to now
49505	GT: I dont know. Maybe.
49506	GT: Shes not exactly talking to me at the moment.
49507	GT: Not that i can blame her.
49508	TT: So.
49509	TT: Best birthday ever?
49510	TT: Or best FUCKING birthday ever.
49511	GG: Ha.
49512	GG: In the interest of appeasing the irony gods, let's go with the latter.
49513	TT: Whatever role I played in ruining your party.
49514	TT: Sorry about that.
49515	GG: Oh lord. The LAST thing I give a shit about is my stupid "sweet sixteen".
49516	GG: What a farce. I was trying to act as if we were all living normal well adjusted lives, albeit in a marvelous fantasy setting populated by skeletons.
49517	GG: And if only we just had some cake and wore some hats and I blew out all the candles in one big puff, we could pretend all the problems we had with each other would magically stop existing.
49518	GG: And the most horrifying thing of all is, I actually got my wish!
49519	GG: Haha. Thanks, Calliope.
49520	GG: Oh well. I'm sure she had good intentions.
49521	TT: Yeah.
49522	TT: I still think I've been pretty lousy to you. I had my head up my ass for a while there.
49523	TT: By the time your birthday came around, I was kinda freaking out about Jake.
49524	TT: I thought I had the situation under control. But I didn't. Not just with Jake, but with respect to pretty much everything.
49525	GG: I understand.
49526	GG: Boy, you really let him have it back there!
49527	TT: I guess so.
49528	GG: I had a similar meltdown with him earlier. I'm not going to lie. It felt really good.
49529	TT: Heh.
49530	GG: At least, it did at the time.
49531	GG: I only wish I could have stayed as lucid as you during our...
49532	GG: Transformation.
49533	GG: How did you manage that?
49534	TT: It wasn't on purpose. Actually if I had a choice, I probably would have just said, fuck it. Sugar shock my brain, please.
49535	TT: Suffice to say, I have trouble escaping from myself. It's kind of a problem. Let's not talk about it though. Please continue.
49536	GG: Okay.
49537	GG: So instead of keeping my cool like you, I just started gushing over him like a lovestruck loon, surrendering any sliver of dignity I might have earned by telling him off earlier.
49538	GG: I just cannot believe some of the things I said. Oh God. I told him I wanted to get married and have babies!!!
49539	TT: Yeah but to be fair, by the time you came looking for me, all three of you were saying that to anything that moved.
49540	GG: I know! But...
49541	GG: It's one thing to write off something you say to an altered state of mind. But what makes the admission so mortifying to me is...
49542	GG: I actually MEANT it.
49543	GG: And I'm sure he must know that by now.
49544	GG: And now I feel so humiliated I just want to die.
49545	GG: I would ask him to shoot me right here, if I could bring myself to say a word to him.
49546	TT: Somehow I don't think he's up to the task.
49547	TT: Which is doubly unfortunate, since that's literally what we all came here to do.
49548	TT: Speaking personally, I'd probably run this sword through my own dick before I could bring myself to kill Roxy. Even for her own good.
49549	TT: So.
49550	TT: When the chips are down, I guess that's how much of a badass I really am.
49551	GG: Woo!!!
49552	GG: We are all such WINNERS.
49553	TT: Yeah, our moxie's off the fuckin' charts.
49554	GT: Rox?
49555	TG: wat
49556	GT: Am i an asshole?
49557	TG: no j
49558	GT: I think i might be an asshole.
49559	GT: All of my friends hate me now.
49560	GT: Are you sure im not just an asshole and never actually realized it?
49561	TG: well maybe youre an asshole sometimes but its always on accident and most people are accidental assholes a lot of times anyway so who cares
49562	GT: I cant believe i was so oblivious to the feelings of all the people i care about.
49563	GT: How could i not see that jane was in love with me? I really am a dope.
49564	GT: I guess i did know deep down at some point... but then i somehow convinced myself otherwise?
49565	GT: I cant even imagine how she must have felt all this time i was seeing dirk. And all those times i talked her ear off about our relationship! Oh goodness.
49566	TG: yuuup
49567	GT: I wonder what things would be like if she told me?
49568	GT: Maybe its better she didnt in the end.
49569	GT: I probably would have just broken her heart like i did with dirk.
49570	GT: I should say something to her but im not sure what to say. I dont think she wants to hear anything from me to be honest.
49571	GT: Maybe you could tell her im sorry for me?
49572	TG: why cant you just tell her
49573	TG: shes right there
49574	GT: I dunno. Shes obviously so mad at me. I cant bring myself to say anything.
49575	GT: Im also just really fucking chagrined over how i treated her.
49576	GT: If i was brave i could face that feeling and just talk to her and try to make us square.
49577	GT: But i dont think i really am brave.
49578	GT: Im not brave and i dont think i love adventure either.
49579	TG: wow... jake...
49580	GT: You know how you think you know these things about yourself?
49581	GT: Like all these personal attributes about you as if theyre written down somewhere like a sort of mini biography so they have to be true.
49582	GT: So you just believe them and hope that the believing is what makes them true.
49583	GT: But then you spend so much time believing those things and taking their truth for granted that you somehow forget to MAKE them true with your words and deeds.
49584	GT: How can i truly love adventure when i never even knew what it was?
49585	GT: I dont think its raiding tombs and clobbering scoundrels.
49586	GT: That stuffs fun and all but thats not what adventure is.
49587	GT: Adventure is...
49588	GT: Its something else.
49589	GT: Its doing the things im genuinely afraid to do.
49590	GT: But cant.
49591	GT: Because im a coward.
49592	TG: ok ok stop shittin on urself ill tell her for you
49593	TT: Jane, you know,
49594	TT: We probably should have talked about this Jake stuff a long time ago.
49595	GG: Tell me about it.
49596	TT: I don't know if I was kidding myself all those years that there was a conflict of interest between us, or what.
49597	GG: Same.
49598	TT: Maybe I was just pretending your feelings for him weren't a factor because my pursuit of him was already overcomplicated enough.
49599	TT: Or maybe it was more like I was aware of them, but on some level decided they shouldn't matter, because I felt like you had a natural advantage over me.
49600	TT: Cause you know. You're like.
49601	TT: Not a dude.
49602	GG: But I always felt you had the advantage over me too!
49603	GG: Because you're... YOU.
49604	GG: You make things happen, and I don't.
49605	TT: Yeah well. Turns out maybe that's not such a good quality if you wanna make a relationship last longer than three seconds. At least not in my case.
49606	TT: I know I ripped into him pretty hard when I had the clown hair and the little soda can on my head.
49607	TT: But the truth is I was pretty goddamn overbearing.
49608	TT: Sometimes I look back on stuff and think I might have essentially bullied him into a relationship with me.
49609	TT: Actually, it's more complicated than that. Parts of me were operating independently from myself.
49610	TT: So it's like I was bullying myself into bullying him into liking me. If that makes sense.
49611	GG: It doesn't really. But that's fine. :B
49612	TT: Anyway, my insanity scared him right the fuck off. There were times when I basically treated him like shit without even realizing it, and I regret it.
49613	TT: I should probably tell him that, but given how I just called him an asshole while wearing orange suspenders, I'm probably the last person he wants to hear from now.
49614	GG: Clearly we both used some poor judgment.
49615	GG: Looking back, it seems crazy to me that we both jeopardized our friendship over a mutual infatuation with, let's face it, one spectacularly goofy kid.
49616	TT: Can we both at least agree we may have overrated the allure of Jake English?
49617	GG: YES.
49618	TT: Maybe if we could have talked to each other about him it would have helped. Like talked about why we felt that way about him.
49619	TT: At least maybe it would have helped us knock English down from the ludicrous pedestal we put him on.
49620	GG: Yeah. That might have saved us a lot of grief.
49621	GG: It's not like I hate him now, even though that's probably what he thinks. He's still my friend.
49622	GG: But the extent to which I centered my whole life around a childish fantasy about him is just painfully embarrassing in hindsight.
49623	GG: I wonder if I'll ever be able to look at him again without feeling miserable about myself?
49624	TT: So does that mean we're both totally over him now? I can't really tell.
49625	GG: Me neither. :\
49626	TT: I guess the real problem is our clique was too small.
49627	TT: Poor Jake was the only viable romantic target. I mean, considering our respective orientations.
49628	TT: Maybe we just never knew enough people?
49629	GG: Perhaps.
49630	GG: Or maybe we just don't need anybody.
49631	GG: As anything other than friends, I mean.
49632	TT: In the interest of appeasing the bitterness gods, let's go with the latter.
49633	TG: hay janey
49634	TG: how u holdin up girl
49635	GG: I feel like garbage. But otherwise, fine.
49636	TG: you off urself yet
49637	GG: No?
49638	TG: ok good
49639	TG: please dont yet
49640	TG: i got a personal back stage pass 2 the jake english self loathing tour
49641	TG: an im in no condition to take the full brunt of his lamentations but im the only one hes talkin to soooo
49642	TG: need a lil support here from my bestie
49643	GG: What is he saying?
49644	TG: he wants me to relay an apology to you
49645	TG: cause he thinks hes not brave enough to say it like ten feet away there on his stone bed and he thinks ur pissed @ him
49646	GG: Aw man.
49647	GG: I don't want to do this.
49648	TG: do what
49649	GG: An awkward "tell him I said" sequence of apologies through text messages.
49650	TG: ok
49651	TG: thats a sane answer
49652	TG: what should i say
49653	GG: Tell him I said we'll talk about it later.
49654	GG: Like, after we're dead.
49655	TG: k
49656	TG: well maybe i wont say that last part but k
49657	GG: How's it going over there?
49658	TG: fine
49659	TG: not a lot of progress on the dyin front
49660	TG: dont look like dirk much wants to stab me with his manime sword...
49661	TG: tbh waiting around to be buddymurdered and/or off oneself is even more awkward than you would think plus kind of a drag??
49662	TG: specially w a headache blarg
49663	TG: jane this is dumb
49664	GG: Yeah. Call me crazy, but I don't think our candy-addled selves thought this through entirely.
49665	TG: yo trixster mode sucks ass txt it
49666	TG: jane u know what im sad about
49667	GG: Hm?
49668	TG: fefeta exploding
49669	GG: Yeah. :(
49670	TG: whyd she have to die again like that
49671	TG: she was so sweet and perfect and my friend
49672	TG: she would always just talk and talk about the funniest things from her life as two troll ladies and it always lifted my spirits
49673	TG: am i cursed or somethin jane?
49674	GG: Cursed?
49675	TG: yeah
49676	TG: its like
49677	TG: i always seem to accidentally kill my cats
49678	TG: or my half cat girls
49679	TG: ummm
49680	TG: who are part sea princess and also an alien ghost
49681	TG: i dunno maybe this line o speculation has no particular coherence
49682	TG: jane
49683	TG: after we go god tier you want to help me have a funeral for her
49684	GG: Of course, Roxy.
49685	TG: i would like that
49686	TG: i always wanted to go to a funeral
49687	TG: is that weird? maybe thats weird i dont know
49688	TG: i mean not like in an especially morbid or gothy kinda way i just think it would be cool to honor her memory
49689	TG: i never did that for frigglish but i should have
49690	TG: shit jakes buggin me again brb
49691	GT: Er roxy while youre at it...
49692	GT: Do you think you could relay the same sentiments to dirk?
49693	GT: I was thinking about all the stuff he said to me while we were all telling him to dance.
49694	GT: And yeah i was really being a prick when i ran away to lomax.
49695	GT: He was right about everything. I should have come clean about wanting some space.
49696	TG: dammit jake
49697	TG: after your whole bravery spiel you wanna relay double apologies thru me??
49698	GT: I know! Im so terrible im sorry!!!
49699	GT: Im just not feeling up to those conversations yet.
49700	GT: My head is KILLING me! Augh grandma why did your sweet skull based computing technology have to be such a BRAIN FUCKER!
49701	TG: well i cant do it
49702	GT: Why?
49703	TG: cause im sort of
49704	TG: kinda
49705	TG: not talkin 2 dirk either
49706	GT: Why not??
49707	TG: cause of
49708	TG: reasons
49709	TG: :(
49710	GT: Golly.
49711	GT: But you are talking to jane yes?
49712	TG: y
49713	GT: Well...
49714	GT: Seeing as shes presumably talking to dirk...
49715	GT: And youre relaying my apology to her already...
49716	GT: Why dont you relay my apology to dirk through her?
49717	TG: omfg jake
49718	TG: jake no
49719	TG: lmao
49720	GT: Why not!
49721	GT: Shed probably be a sport about it.
49722	GT: Hell they could probably bond over what an absolute douchemuffin ive been to them both.
49723	TG: EL SIGH
49724	TG: look jake you squeezed a spanish sigh outta me are u happy
49725	GT: And if theres some heavy business youre having trouble addressing with dirk in person you could get jane to relay him a message for you as well!
49726	TG: ahahahaha jake
49727	TG: jake i
49728	TG: no jake
49729	TG: thats so
49730	TG: alright ima tell jane like p much exactly what you said
49731	TG: but only because its so fuckin dumb and hilarious
49732	TG: jane jake wants u to pass an apology to dirk for him too
49733	GG: What?
49734	TG: is tru
49735	GG: This is just getting silly.
49736	TG: he wants you both 2 bond over his douchemuffininess
49737	TG: ps douchemuffin was his word not mine
49738	TG: im being hellies impartial about all this
49739	GG: We were already sort of doing that!
49740	TG: oh yeah?
49741	GG: Wait, don't tell him that.
49742	GG: That would be mean spirited.
49743	TG: hold up what are you and dirk saying
49744	GG: Oh nothing.
49745	TG: anything bout me
49746	GG: No!
49747	GG: Just some stuff we should have talked about a long time ago.
49748	TG: gotcha
49749	TG: oh also
49750	TG: he wants me to tell you to give a message to dirk from me too while youre at it
49751	TG: the crocker switchboard is LIGHTING UP today
49752	GG: Why does Jake want you to give Dirk a message through me??
49753	TG: um because hes ridiculous?
49754	GG: Do you actually WANT to say something to Dirk, but can't at the moment?
49755	TG: oh
49756	TG: uh
49757	TG: not really
49758	GG: Hm??
49759	TG: well
49760	TG: idk
49761	GG: Wait, is Dirk not talking to you for some reason?
49762	GG: Is that why Jake suggested going through me?
49763	GG: Good gravy, this is getting complicated.
49764	TG: no
49765	TG: well i mean
49766	TG: maybe he does got a bone 2 pick with me and dont wanna talk
49767	TG: but im not sure
49768	TG: mainly its that i cant bring myself to talk to him
49769	GG: Why not?
49770	TG: cause im a shitty disgrace
49771	TG: and hes probably so ashamed of me he can barely stand being inside the same moon w me at this point
49772	GG: Why would you think that?
49773	TG: because
49774	TG: you heard what he said
49775	TG: about how i fell off the wagon
49776	TG: you could just tell how disappointed he was
49777	TG: and he was right to be
49778	GG: But you weren't in your right state of mind though!
49779	TG: i know
49780	TG: but you said it yourself
49781	TG: about the confessions you made to jake
49782	TG: sure you were trippin balls on a cherub pop
49783	TG: but that really just enabled you to do what you really wanted to do deep down
49784	TG: so whatd i do the moment jake snuck up and owned me with that magic pumpkin?
49785	TG: i was like YO LETS GET SMASHED AT MY PLACE
49786	TG: i hardly wasted a second before giving in
49787	TG: and here i thought i was actually over that
49788	TG: but the second im given the slightest justification to drink again i say fuck it
49789	TG: so it turns out i didnt stop wanting to like i told myself
49790	TG: but that i still wanted to while pretending i didnt per some bogus tough girl act
49791	TG: like i thought i was better than the problem
49792	TG: or more like i thought i was too cool and too strong to admit it was actually really hard
49793	TG: but the truth is i was not strong + cool
49794	TG: i was weak + lame all along
49795	TG: and now dirk knows that too and for some reason letting him down feels like the worst part??
49796	TG: which is equally lame and weak cuz i should care for my own sake not for how it makes a dude see me but it still just really bothers me ???
49797	TG: man
49798	TG: jake again hold pls
49799	GT: Roxy?
49800	GT: Rox! What is she saying?
49801	GT: Talk to me roxy!!!
49802	GT: Please dont leave me hanging here.
49803	GT: I cant take it i cant bear having two of my closest chums hate me and then having you shut me out on top of that!
49804	TG: ok sheesh jake calm ur microshorts
49805	TG: im here
49806	GT: Ah there you are.
49807	GT: Im sorry for being a pest but i just see jane there pecking away at conversations with you and dirk and it feels like youre all kind of leaving me behind.
49808	TG: no jake nobodys doin that
49809	GT: Ok yeah im probably being paranoid...
49810	GT: But ive done such a bangup job of alienating my other friends.
49811	GT: So youre the only one i can talk to for now.
49812	GT: Wait i havent alienated you yet have i?
49813	TG: nah dont worry we are still humanated
49814	GT: Are you really sure roxy? Are you sure youre not just trying to spare my feelings?
49815	GT: You can be honest with me! If you hate me now too please just say so.
49816	TG: SWEET GUY FIERIS FAT LAUGHING GHOST JAKE
49817	TG: no i dont hate you i promise youre still my bro god dammit!
49818	GT: Ok. Phew!
49819	GT: Then talk to me!
49820	TG: um
49821	TG: about what
49822	GT: I dont know. Anything! What are you talking about with jane?
49823	TG: my drinkin problems
49824	GT: I see.
49825	GT: Would you like to talk about them with me? Maybe i could help!
49826	TG: damn jake
49827	TG: like
49828	TG: that is cool and appreciated in theory?
49829	TG: but this is some kinda heavy shit 4 me
49830	TG: i rly dunno if i can do double duty on my alcoholism with you and jane simultaneously
49831	GT: Oh. Yeah thats probably not the best way to go.
49832	TG: yes prolly not
49833	GT: Sooo then. What else is there we can chew the old fat about?
49834	GT: Really bond over together in an emotionally fulfilling manner?
49835	TG: dag you are an extra silly guy
49836	GT: Well??
49837	TG: dunno j why dont u tell me what youre thinkin an we go from there
49838	GT: Alright.
49839	GT: So. That sure was a doozy of a kiss you gave dirk there huh?
49840	TG: LOL fuck
49841	TG: yeaaaahhh
49842	GT: How was it?
49843	TG: it was
49844	TG: uuuummmmm
49845	GT: Go on!
49846	TG: it was fuckin INAPPROPRIATE!!!!!
49847	TG: and yet
49848	TG: and yet.........
49849	TG: omg it was so choice
49850	TG: but wrong!
49851	TG: wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong
49852	GT: I dont know. It seemed innocent enough to me.
49853	GT: What was so wrong about it?
49854	TG: a whole host of things...
49855	TG: not sure in how much detail i wanna spell out why exactly it wasnt cool
49856	TG: but like
49857	TG: jake ur a pretty simple guy and i mean that as <3ways as possible
49858	TG: it just wasnt right
49859	GT: No disagreement there. But like i said im here to talk about whatever you feel like.
49860	TG: ok see this is just another embarrassing thing from my past
49861	TG: when i was more out of control
49862	TG: with dirk i was just
49863	TG: waaay too aggressive
49864	TG: i hassled him all the time
49865	TG: pretty much every day just like he said
49866	TG: about
49867	TG: me and him
49868	TG: like
49869	TG: GETTING MARRIED AND HAVING BABIES!!!!!!!!!!!
49870	TG: U KNO LAST MALE & FEMALE ON EARTH OOH HES A HUNK! IS DREAMZ COME TRU TIME 4 REPOPULATE!!!
49871	TG: yeah
49872	TG: so not cool lookin back on it
49873	TG: and i had no excuse i always knew he was just
49874	TG: SUCH a gay dude
49875	TG: and i guess maybe hitting on a guy who dont like girls once or twice maybe is alright or even flattering but after so long it was probably just pissing him off or messing with his head or something
49876	TG: it def wasnt what he wanted to hear from a friend
49877	TG: let alone day in and day out through garbled drunktexts
49878	TG: so when i fuckin harassed him into kissin me...
49879	TG: it just brought back some low rent shit i thought we put behind us
49880	TG: just another way i completely humiliated myself in front of him
49881	GT: So is that why you cant talk to him now?
49882	TG: mmmmmmmm hmmmmmmm
49883	GT: I certainly have no trouble relating to that.
49884	TG: yep
49885	TG: i dont even know why really
49886	TG: hes like taciturn to the max about everything
49887	TG: but theres somethin about him
49888	TG: that just makes it hurt to feel like you let him down
49889	GT: You really love him dont you?
49890	TG: siiigh
49891	TG: yeah jake i guess
49892	TG: the answer is
49893	TG: a categorical unapologetic fucking 'yeah'
49894	TG: but
49895	TG: i dont think that was much a secret
49896	TG: and the fact that it was so LOUDLY not a secret exemplified my stupidity on the matter
49897	GT: Its fair to say i never came close to feeling as strongly about him as you.
49898	GT: I envy you actually. Ive actually worried at times that i just wasnt capable of feeling that way about anyone.
49899	GT: And maybe thats why i was just meant to be alone.
49900	TG: ehh you aint missin much
49901	TG: love is a brutal shitninja w/ turds 4 nunchucks
49902	TG: be grateful that stank ass motherfuckers flippin out nowhere near you
49903	GT: I noticed you nearly slipped that wedding ring on his finger!
49904	TG: oh GOD
49905	TG: that ring
49906	GT: You almost scooped my boyfriend out from under me in one fell proposal.
49907	TG: oh DID i
49908	TG: from under u eh? ;)
49909	GT: Wait. No i mean...
49910	TG: ;););););) wonks 4 eternity
49911	GT: WHOA NOW WAIT A MINUTE!
49912	TG: easy dude just messin
49913	GT: Oh.
49914	GT: Ha ha ok.
49915	TG: man
49916	TG: that ring tho
49917	TG: what happened to it do you remember?
49918	GT: Not really.
49919	TG: god damn it
49920	TG: must of lost it when i was a FUCKING trickster
49921	TG: sflkjfslkfj
49922	TG: *shakes fist @ all trxstrs*
49923	GT: Did you need it for something?
49924	TG: need it?
49925	TG: not really
49926	TG: i just really liked that ring
49927	TG: kinda spoke to me in a way
49928	TG: hehe
49929	TG: want to know something lame?
49930	GT: Yes.
49931	TG: the moment i first saw that ring
49932	TG: i was like in my head
49933	TG: thinkin
49934	TG: some day i want to give that ring to the person i marry
49935	TG: whoever that is
49936	GT: Daw.
49937	GT: Thats not lame thats nice.
49938	TG: nah its pretty lame but w/e
49939	TG: shows what sorta one track mind i got
49940	TG: god i am obsessed with findin somebody to kiss arent i
49941	TG: it is rly quite pathetic
49942	TG: although the funny thing is the ring turns you invisible
49943	TG: which might be my subconscious telling me something about my lovelife
49944	TG: like i find a guy of my dreams
49945	TG: slip it on his finger
49946	TG: and POOF he disappears!
49947	TG: bye bye hubby
49948	TG: o well dont matter
49949	TG: the ring is gone
49950	TG: and with it so too
49951	TG: are my lame, lame dreams ;(
49952	GG: Is everything ok?
49953	TG: yeah he just wanted to make sure i dont hate him like yall do which you dont even
49954	GG: I... see.
49955	TG: so im just talking to him a bit to help him not feel bad
49956	TG: sorry
49957	GG: That's ok.
49958	GG: You were saying?
49959	TG: i was gonna say why i finally quit drinkin
49960	TG: i mean if you want to know
49961	GG: Yes.
49962	GG: Actually, once you did stop, it made me finally realize it was a problem for you for a long time.
49963	GG: And I didn't say anything at the time, but it made me wonder if I wasn't doing the right thing before.
49964	GG: By failing to point out you might have a problem? Or just going along with it and participating in lively banter any time you clearly had too much to drink?
49965	GG: Was I just being a bad friend?
49966	TG: nah it wasnt your responsibility to fix my shit
49967	TG: and anyway i think i made it hard for anyone to come at me like it was a real problem
49968	TG: i was always joking around so much and havin a good time like kind of overzealously so
49969	TG: that i probably just made people feel like a shitty wet blanket for even mentioning it
49970	GG: How long do you think it's been a problem?
49971	TG: i dont know its hard to say exactly when i started getting real carried away
49972	TG: just at some point i discovered a load of my moms centurys old booze in the house
49973	TG: and i didnt have much to relate to her by except her books
49974	TG: so i felt like drinking was a way to be more like her
49975	TG: or be closer to her kinda
49976	TG: and there was nobody around except the silly chess people
49977	TG: who in a way just made me feel more alone
49978	TG: cause they reminded me i was only one of two humans left and the other was an ocean away
49979	TG: so little by little
49980	TG: i got out of hand
49981	TG: and one of the only things i had to look forward to was the idea that the game was supposed to be able to bring my mom back
49982	TG: assuming i even decided to help the batterwitch out by playing at all
49983	GG: But it turned out you couldn't bring her back. At least not the way you thought.
49984	GG: So what was it that made you finally decide to give it up?
49985	TG: well
49986	TG: thats pretty much what it was
49987	TG: when i first went to lopan i saw my sprite there
49988	TG: so i got out my bottle of momslime and was all ready for the bestest most poignant reunion ever
49989	TG: and thats when the juggalo struck
49990	TG: and i just knew the witch had fucked me over AGAIN
49991	TG: cause what other hag is insane enough to get juggalos to do her dirty biz nigh exclusively???
49992	TG: NO HAGS BUT HER
49993	TG: and i was so pissed and so distraught about that goddamn clown squandering my sprite
49994	TG: so i got crazy drunk and felt the super sorriest for myself i ever did
49995	TG: but little did i know there would be a lovely silver lining to the debacle
49996	GG: Dear, sweet, precious Fefeta!
49997	TG: :3
49998	TG: she became a great friend
49999	TG: and whats more was she told me not to worry
50000	TG: that my mom would be comin anyway and all i had to do was wait a while
50001	TG: and i believed her cause she knew stuff + was THA BEST
50002	TG: so thats when i decided to clean up my act
50003	TG: i didnt want her to meet a sloppy embarrassing mess of a daughter
50004	TG: even if she did like to drink at some point it was kind of a childish idea that doing so myself would make me closer to her or help us bond or whatever
50005	TG: anyway i think i might of overestimated her drinkin habits
50006	TG: she sure didnt look like no drunk
50007	TG: oh!
50008	TG: jane did i mention
50009	TG: i saw her in a dream today!
50010	GG: No!
50011	TG: shes real young tho
50012	TG: like our age
50013	TG: and she looks so pretty and happy
50014	TG: not like a girl w booze challenges
50015	TG: i think her fav color must be orange just like dirk
50016	TG: she was wearin the same sunny orange nighty deal i caught a glimpse of her in v briefly another time
50017	TG: and oh...
50018	TG: she also called me mom?
50019	GG: Huh?
50020	TG: huh is right
50021	TG: u know im really not sure if shes actually my mom
50022	TG: but i do know were totes genetically related somehow
50023	TG: i just think theres more to it than we know
50024	GG: I guess we'll find out!
50025	GG: Whoa...
50026	GG: The whole place was shaking for a moment there.
50027	TG: wut
50028	GT: Roxy do you know if jane just felt that rumbling too??
50029	TG: yea
50030	TT: Is it still going on?
50031	GG: No, it stopped.
50032	TT: What do you think it was?
50033	GG: I don't know. Maybe an earthquake?
50034	TT: I'm not sure if these moons can have earthquakes.
50035	GG: Doesn't matter.
50036	GG: Some sort of Prospitian lunar anomaly, I guess. Probably nothing to worry about.
50037	TT: Maybe it was like, tidal forces. Due to gravitation.
50038	TT: Or the tensile forces from that big ass chain.
50039	GG: Um. Yes! Let's say that's what it was.
50040	TT: Have you and Roxy been talking?
50041	GG: Yes.
50042	TT: Is she pissed at me or something?
50043	TT: She won't talk to me.
50044	GG: No, not at all.
50045	TT: Then what gives.
50046	GG: She was wondering the same about you.
50047	TT: What?
50048	GG: Are you disappointed in her?
50049	TT: Why would I be?
50050	GG: It seemed that way to her earlier.
50051	GG: When you chastised her for drinking again.
50052	TT: Well, yeah. I was upset she fell off the horse.
50053	TT: Or the wagon. The horse wagon. Whatever.
50054	TT: The thing you ride around on when you ain't drinking.
50055	TT: But so what. There was cotton candy in her hair, and she was being stupid. What do you expect? It was a moment of indiscretion.
50056	TT: I'm not mad at her and I'm not disappointed in her. That's ridiculous.
50057	TT: Want to know what I really think of Roxy?
50058	TT: I'm proud of her.
50059	TT: She's the only one of us who could face her problems and then get down to business and actually solve them.
50060	TT: No endless hand wringing or suffering in silence or any of that bullshit.
50061	TT: She saw she had an addiction. And then decided to fucking fix it. Just like that.
50062	TT: She's probably stronger than the other three of us put together.
50063	TT: Remember way back before this started, we were talking. You and me.
50064	TT: And I was rambling at length about leadership, like I actually had a clue what I was talking about?
50065	GG: I remember.
50066	GG: You said I would be the leader of our team, in name and in spirit.
50067	GG: Although I never really felt like it.
50068	TT: Yeah. That's kind of the point.
50069	TT: I guess in a way, I was right. But not how I expected.
50070	TT: See, to be perfectly honest, we are a party of losers.
50071	TT: Heroes make shit happen. But that's not what we do, or what we're even SUPPOSED to do.
50072	TT: We wait.
50073	TT: We wait for literally everything. We wait for other people to reach out first so we can fix our relationships. We wait for these legendary heroes to arrive and bring competence and promise to a futile situation.
50074	TT: Even now. Look at us. What are we waiting for?
50075	TT: To kill ourselves? For someone to come along and do it for us?
50076	TT: It doesn't even matter.
50077	TT: As the four nobles of the void session, we do what we were created to do.
50078	TT: We sit around on our asses.
50079	TT: Waiting.
50080	TT: We were all designated for a session that was utterly inert.
50081	TT: A place where the mechanisms for success never even existed to begin with.
50082	TT: In such a place it makes sense that the formal leader would be neutralized, to made feel unempowered and static.
50083	TT: And it seems particularly fitting she would be the noble of life in a realm of the dead.
50084	TT: A realm that foretold of a life player who felt lifeless, a hope player who felt hopeless, and a heart player who was just a stone cold motherfucker.
50085	TT: When we talked about leadership, and I was all on my high horse telling you how shit would go down...
50086	TT: I also said I would be the one "pulling the strings." Remember? That I'd be the functional leader of our party.
50087	TT: And there might have been something to that, in a different session.
50088	TT: But what good is a "man of action" in a place where action itself is intrinsically fruitless?
50089	TT: So it's occurred to me that by some tragic flaw in its design, our session was meant to be leaderless.
50090	TT: And I'd feel safe concluding that. Except for a feeling that's been gnawing at me.
50091	TT: It's the feeling that it would make perfect sense if a session like this had a dark horse leader.
50092	TT: A leader who was invisible to us all along. Fittingly, a void player to lead a void session.
50093	TT: She would be a leader not in name or in spirit or in function, whatever that means.
50094	TT: But more of an emotional leader, who would selflessly try to hold everyone together while the rest of us did our best to fall apart.
50095	TT: And Roxy has been that for us every step of the way, going unnoticed and unappreciated.
50096	TT: Think of how much shit she's had to put up with from all of us.
50097	TT: She never complains, never turns it around and makes it about her problems.
50098	TT: She just works her ass off making sure we all stay friends.
50099	TT: If that isn't a leader, I don't know what is.
50100	TT: So that's how crazy it is for her to think I'm disappointed in her.
50101	TT: The truth is, she's the most amazing person I ever knew.
50102	TT: She's everything in a human being I wish I could be, but can't because I'm in my own way.
50103	TT: Honestly, I'm not even sure if I'm worthy of dying next to her.
50104	TT: I think she probably felt bad for hitting on me all those years. Like I was getting fed up with her, or something.
50105	TT: But all it really did was make me feel guilty.
50106	TT: That I couldn't give her what she wanted.
50107	TT: Like, settle down and have a couple weirdo goddamn kids with her some day.
50108	TT: I guess there were times I thought about it. Being all alone on Earth with her and stuff.
50109	TT: I couldn't though.
50110	TT: Have to stay true to myself.
50111	TT: Still, she would deserve it.
50112	TT: Nobody deserves to get all the things they always wanted more than she does.
50113	TT: And it suddenly seems kinda stupid that I think these things about her but she doesn't even know it.
50114	TT: I guess I should tell her all this some time.
50115	GG: I think that would be nice.
50116	GG: Of course, she IS right there, you know.
50117	TT: I know.
50118	TT: I'm a little reluctant to drop all that on her.
50119	TT: Looking at what I just said, it's...
50120	TT: Kind of overwhelming?
50121	TT: I feel like in a way you can destroy somebody with effusive praise.
50122	TT: Or maybe I'm just projecting how I would feel about that kind of intense positivity coming at me. I dunno.
50123	TT: But I still think confessions like that can change stuff between people. Like the way they act around each other.
50124	GG: Maybe it's worth it?
50125	TT: Maybe.
50126	TT: Or maybe it's better to just say...
50127	TT: Not so much of it?
50128	TT: Like all at once.
50129	TT: Maybe it'd be better for now if you could pass a short message to her for me.
50130	TT: If only to help kill this awkward silence between us.
50131	GG: Like what?
50132	TT: Could you just tell her,
50133	TT: I love her?
50134	TT: No wait!
50135	TT: I mean.
50136	TT: Not in that way though.
50137	TT: More like...
50138	GG: Dirk, I know what way you mean!
50139	TT: Ok. Good.
50140	TT: Yeah.
50141	TT: No, wait.
50142	TT: Don't.
50143	TT: That would be a weird mixed signal. I mean...
50144	TT: It's true.
50145	TT: But please say something else instead.
50146	GG: Uh, Dirk...
50147	GG: Something's happening.
50148	TT: Tell her that I'm proud of her.
50149	TT: And as a person she's everything I wish I could be.
50150	TT: I wish I could be as nice and loving and selfless as her.
50151	TT: But can't.
50152	TT: Because I'm too busy being me.
50153	GG: Dirk!!!
50154	GG: The tremors are back.
50155	GG: BIG TIME.
50156	TT: That's weird.
50157	TT: I can feel it too this time.
50158	JADE: hi!
50159	JAKE: ...
50160	JANE: ...
50161	JADE: are you jake?
50162	JAKE: Um.
50163	JAKE: Yeah.
50164	JADE: hi jake!
50165	JADE: im jade
50166	JADE: its nice to finally meet you!
50167	JAKE: Wow.
50168	JAKE: Ummm.
50169	JAKE: Yeah.
50170	JADE: and you must be jane?
50171	JANE: Me?
50172	JADE: mm hm!
50173	JANE: Oh.
50174	JANE: I...
50175	JANE: Yes.
50176	JADE: its nice to meet you too jane
50177	JANE: Yes.
50178	JADE: so uh...
50179	JADE: jake
50180	JADE: where are your pants?
50181	JANE: :|
50182	JAKE: :o
50183	JADE: BARK
50184	JANE: OBEY.
50185	KARKAT: DAVE ARE YOU THERE
50186	KARKAT: COME IN DAVE.
50187	KARKAT: THIS IS KARKAT.
50188	KARKAT: OVER.
50189	KARKAT: ANSWER ME YOU JACKOFF.
50190	KARKAT: DON'T BE ALL LIKE YOU'RE TOO BUSY TO PICK UP, WHO ARE YOU TRYING TO KID.
50191	KARKAT: YOU ARE QUITE POSSIBLY THE ONLY PERSON ON THIS METEOR WHO'S GOT EVEN LESS ON HIS NUTRITION PLATEAU THAN ME.
50192	KARKAT: EVEN THE MAYOR HAS A MORE DEMANDING SCHEDULE THAN WE DO, LET'S FACE THE FUCKING FACTS.
50193	KARKAT: WHAT. DID YOU THINK CAN TOWN RUNS ITSELF??
50194	KARKAT: FAT CHANCE.
50195	KARKAT: DAVE.
50196	KARKAT: GOD DAMN IT DAVE.
50197	KARKAT: I HAVE A PROBLEM.
50198	KARKAT: NO.
50199	KARKAT: *WE* HAVE A PROBLEM.
50200	KARKAT: SKAIA IS NOW VISIBLE TO THE NAKED EYE.
50201	KARKAT: WE CAN'T BE MUCH MORE THAN A FEW HOURS AWAY.
50202	KARKAT: THIS IS IT. THIS IS WHAT WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR.
50203	KARKAT: THREE OF THE LONGEST HUMAN "YEARS" WE'LL EVER HAVE TO LIVE FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES.
50204	KARKAT: SUNK INTO THIS DEPRESSING LABORATORY WHICH BY ALL ACCOUNTS SHOULD NEVER HAVE FUNCTIONED AS ANYTHING BUT OUR ETERNAL TOMB.
50205	KARKAT: I HAVE NO IDEA HOW WE'RE EVEN SUPPOSED TO STOP THIS THING. DO YOU?
50206	KARKAT: OH WELL, SENDING IT BLASTING OFF SOMEWHERE AT THE SPEED OF LIGHT SURE SEEMED LIKE A GOOD IDEA AT THE TIME!
50207	KARKAT: AND NOW THAT WE'RE FINALLY HERE, AFTER ALL THE WAITING AND DRAMA AND BOREDOM AND STUPID BULLSHIT WITH OUR ANCESTRAL GHOSTS
50208	KARKAT: AND EVEN DISREGARDING THE ONE HILARIOUSLY NEGLECTED DETAIL THAT THIS METEOR HAS NO FUCKING BRAKES
50209	KARKAT: I STILL DON'T THINK WE'RE READY FOR THIS.
50210	KARKAT: *SIGH*
50211	KARKAT: I DON'T
50212	KARKAT: ...
50213	KARKAT: HOW DO I EVEN BEGIN TO ADDRESS THIS SHIT.
50214	KARKAT: OK, HOW ABOUT THIS.
50215	KARKAT: SINCE I CAN'T THINK OF A BETTER GENERAL PURPOSE QUESTION TO HELP BREAK THE ICE IN LITERALLY ANY IMAGINABLE SOCIAL SITUATION.
50216	KARKAT: WHERE ARE YOUR FUCKING PANTS?
50217	TEREZI: ZZZZZZZ
50218	DAVE: my pants
50219	DAVE: what are you talking about
50220	DAVE: theyre on my legs
50221	KARKAT: I WASN'T TALKING TO YOU.
50222	DAVE: oh
50223	KARKAT: DAVE, WE HAVE A BIG PROBLEM HERE.
50224	DAVE: what
50225	KARKAT: I THINK IT'S TIME WE HAD A...
50226	KARKAT: WHAT DID YOU CALL IT?
50227	KARKAT: AN INTERVENTION?
50228	DAVE: for rose?
50229	KARKAT: NO, NOT ROSE.
50230	KARKAT: WHY WOULD I BE TALKING ABOUT ROSE?
50231	KARKAT: SHE DOESN'T HAVE A MAJOR PROBLEM THAT SHE NEEDS TO BE CONFRONTED ABOUT BY HER FRIENDS BEFORE SHE FLUSHES HER WHOLE LIFE DOWN THE GAPER, DOES SHE??
50232	DAVE: uh yeah kind of
50233	KARKAT: WHY? BECAUSE SHE LIKES TO DRINK THAT GOOFY HUMAN SOPORIFIC THAT MAKES HER A LOT FUNNIER AND MORE CHARMING THAN USUAL?
50234	KARKAT: HOW IS THAT A PROBLEM?
50235	KARKAT: I WAS TALKING ABOUT TEREZI.
50236	DAVE: man terezi doesnt need an intervention
50237	DAVE: she just drinks a lot of soda
50238	KARKAT: HOW CAN YOU NOT SEE HOW THAT IS A *HUGE* FUCKING PROBLEM.
50239	DAVE: its red fizzy shitwater dude who cares
50240	KARKAT: OK, CAN WE JUST ONCE ACKNOWLEDGE THAT WE ARE MUTUAL ALIENS TO EACH OTHER AND AS SUCH POSSIBLY HAVE DIFFERENT VALUES AND STANDARDS ABOUT THINGS???
50241	KARKAT: JUST THIS ONE TIME DAVE? THANKS!
50242	DAVE: terezi has made her choices
50243	DAVE: among them was to begin guzzling untold liters of that putrid circus cola
50244	DAVE: think of it as like a rite of passage
50245	DAVE: like something that just goes with the territory when someone you know almost imperceptibly begins turning into a juggalo
50246	DAVE: wait fuck
50247	DAVE: maybe she does need an intervention
50248	KARKAT: SHE NEEDS TO WAKE UP SO WE CAN TALK TO HER ABOUT THIS.
50249	KARKAT: SHE WON'T WAKE UP, WHAT DO I DO.
50250	DAVE: did you try kicking her
50251	KARKAT: YES.
50252	DAVE: im out of ideas
50253	TEREZI: SNOOOOOR3
50254	KARKAT: WELL, WHENEVER SHE WAKES UP, WE ALL NEED TO HAVE A SERIOUS TALK ABOUT THIS.
50255	KARKAT: IF SHE'S IN THIS CONDITION WHEN WE GET TO THE NEW SESSION, IT'LL BE A GODDAMN EMBARRASSMENT.
50256	KARKAT: NOT TO MENTION DEADLY! NEED I REMIND YOU WHO'S STILL FOLLOWING US? SHE DOESN'T LOOK PRIMED FOR BATTLE FROM WHERE I'M STANDING!
50257	KARKAT: WE NEED TO ACT AS A UNIFIED FRONT, DAVE. WE NEED TO LET HER KNOW THAT AS HER FRIENDS WE CAN'T STAND BY AND WATCH HER DEGRADE HERSELF LIKE THIS.
50258	DAVE: man i dunno
50259	DAVE: sounds like you wanna make this needlessly melodramatic
50260	KARKAT: STAND BY. I'M PUTTING YOU ON SPEAKER CRAB.
50261	DAVE: speaker crab
50262	KARKAT: YES. SPEAKER CRAB.
50263	DAVE: man dont put me on speaker crab
50264	KARKAT: SHE NEEDS TO HEAR FROM YOU DAVE. SHE TRUSTS YOU.
50265	DAVE: god
50266	DAVE: honestly she can do whatever she wants i put this all behind me a while ago
50267	DAVE: why do you really want me in on this conversation is it just that you dont know what to say by yourself
50268	KARKAT: MAYBE IT IS DAVE!
50269	KARKAT: MAYBE THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT IT FUCKING IS.
50270	KARKAT: I'M SORRY. I'M NOT A "GOD TIER".
50271	KARKAT: I AM NOT SO FORTUNATE AS TO BE BLESSED WITH THE "GIFT OF GAB" LIKE YOU.
50272	DAVE: what
50273	KARKAT: THAT BADGE YOU EARNED. YOU KNOW, THE ONE THAT MAKES IT EASIER TO TALK TO PEOPLE?
50274	KARKAT: LIKE, REALLY OPEN UP ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS AND SAY WHATEVER NEEDS TO BE SAID?
50275	DAVE: hahaha thats what you think that does?
50276	KARKAT: ISN'T IT??
50277	DAVE: no dude thats not what gift of gab does
50278	KARKAT: OK WHAT DOES IT DO THEN WISE GUY!
50279	DAVE: its utility isnt really comprehensible to lowly mortals sorry
50280	KARKAT: YOU SNIDE CHUTE HUFFER.
50281	KARKAT: WHY DON'T YOU COME UP HERE SO I CAN PUSH YOU OFF THIS BUILDING?
50282	DAVE: nah
50283	KARKAT: I'M PUTTING YOU ON SPEAKER CRAB, AND THEN TOGETHER WE ARE GOING TO KEEP IT *REAL AS SHIT*, DO YOU HEAR ME?
50284	DAVE: what do you actually want from her
50285	DAVE: do you want her to stop drinking faygo and falling asleep in puddles of red fructose corn slobber
50286	DAVE: or do you want her to somehow address the root of those habits and cut all that out for good
50287	KARKAT: YES! I WANT HER TO DO THAT!
50288	KARKAT: THE LATTER THING.
50289	DAVE: yeah i can understand where youre coming from
50290	DAVE: but in situations like this i think you need to remind yourself theres only so much you can do for somebody
50291	DAVE: and maybe they arent going to want or need your help and you just have to figure out how to deal with that
50292	DAVE: like at some point in your life one of your friends might start spending all her time with a guy you think is bad news
50293	DAVE: and you have to decide if you need to intervene as a friend or just let it go because people can change or drift apart or whatever because thats just something that happens
50294	KARKAT: DAVE
50295	KARKAT: YOUR WISDOM, MY GOD
50296	KARKAT: IT'S KNOCKING MY SOCKS OFF. HOLY SHIT, PLEASE TELL ME THE SECRET TO YOUR WISE WAYS.
50297	KARKAT: AND WHILE YOU'RE AT IT, MAYBE YOU COULD TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
50298	DAVE: look all im saying is
50299	DAVE: there comes a time in every young womans life when she has to come to terms with the decision to gradually morph into a juggalo while all her friends and loved ones watch in dismay
50300	DAVE: terezi has strolled through the dark carnival and taken a great brooding whiff of that decisions festive asshole and the choice she has made is all too clear
50301	DAVE: shes down with the clown
50302	KARKAT: NO, DON'T SAY THAT.
50303	DAVE: its true man
50304	DAVE: you can live in denial for only so long
50305	DAVE: but as your bro i have to say it like it is
50306	DAVE: she and gamzee man
50307	DAVE: that is literally a thing
50308	DAVE: they are in the hate square together
50309	DAVE: total kismespades dude
50310	KARKAT: NO, THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEAN.
50311	KARKAT: I MEAN, I KNOW THAT.
50312	KARKAT: JUST WHY DO YOU HAVE TO PUT EVERYTHING SO "COLORFULLY"?
50313	KARKAT: I GUESS I DO THE SAME THING, BUT YOU ALWAYS SEEM TO TAKE THINGS TO A DIFFERENT LEVEL OF GROSS. JUST PLEASE SAY SHIT NORMALLY FOR A CHANGE, OK.
50314	KARKAT: REGARDING GAMZEE, YEAH. I KNEW ABOUT THAT ALREADY.
50315	DAVE: oh
50316	DAVE: really?
50317	DAVE: then what the fuck have i been tiptoeing around all this time god damn
50318	DAVE: i thought this was supposed to be like this "big secret" that would "destroy you" if you found out
50319	KARKAT: MOTHERFUCKER, PLEASE.
50320	KARKAT: DO YOU THINK I'M AN IDIOT? I'VE SUSPECTED THIS WAS GOING ON FOR A LONG TIME.
50321	KARKAT: I WAS JUST BEING LIKE YOU, PLAYING IT COOL, LETTING HER DO WHATEVER.
50322	DAVE: then why is it a problem now
50323	KARKAT: BECAUSE THIS IS THE LAST STRAW! WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE READY FOR ACTION BY NOW.
50324	KARKAT: NOT COMATOSE, HALF NAKED AND FAYGO STICKY.
50325	KARKAT: GOD, I WONDER WHAT SORT OF BULLSHIT HE'S GOT HER BELIEVING IN NOW? ABOUT THE MIRTHFUL MESSIAHS AND SHANGRI LA AND ALL THAT GARBAGE.
50326	KARKAT: IT MAKES ME SO SAD TO THINK SHE'S CAUGHT UP IN HIS SUPERSTITIOUS WEB OF LIES.
50327	KARKAT: IT'S BEEN AWFUL WATCHING THE PERSON I USED TO KNOW SLOWLY DRIFT AWAY FROM ME, TO THE POINT WHERE SHE MIGHT AS WELL BE GONE.
50328	KARKAT: HOW DID YOU MANAGE TO DEAL WITH THAT?
50329	DAVE: what
50330	KARKAT: YOU AND SHE USED TO SEE EACH OTHER ALL THE TIME. WHAT HAPPENED?
50331	DAVE: like i said i just put it behind me
50332	DAVE: she started sneaking around in vents and stuff acting suspicious trying to hide the fact that she was seeing him
50333	DAVE: like she was obviously ashamed of it and worried how id react
50334	DAVE: but it was hella transparent that was going on so i just said
50335	DAVE: thats fine yall can do your blackrom thing with the juggalo its your decision
50336	DAVE: but i cant keep playing along
50337	DAVE: i cant do the quadrant thing its just too weird for me
50338	DAVE: im not a troll and im not all open minded about gettin multicultural
50339	DAVE: i still dont understand the spades thing and it makes me really fuckin uncomfortable even trying to imagine how that works and i sure as fuck dont want to date anybody whos got a hateclown on the side
50340	DAVE: so i said no hard feelings i still like you and all, do whatever makes you happy ill just be over here in the hyper gravity chamber training to beat lord english
50341	KARKAT: WE HAVE A HYPER GRAVITY CHAMBER???
50342	DAVE: no
50343	KARKAT: OH
50344	DAVE: but what about you
50345	DAVE: havent you been talking to gamzee this whole time
50346	DAVE: or is he just balls out lying to you about sneakin around the meteor with terezi
50347	DAVE: i thought moirails were supposed to be open with each other about stuff like that
50348	KARKAT: YEAH. UH.
50349	KARKAT: GAMZEE ENDED OUR MOIRALLEGIANCE QUITE SOME TIME AGO.
50350	DAVE: oh shit
50351	DAVE: sorry to hear about that
50352	KARKAT: IT'S FINE. IT WAS REALLY A DEAD END PALE RELATIONSHIP.
50353	KARKAT: AT FIRST IT REALLY SEEMED LIKE I WAS A NECESSARY PART OF HIS LIFE, KEEPING HIS SHIT UNDER CONTROL...
50354	KARKAT: BUT AS TIME WENT ON HE JUST GOT COMPLETELY DISINTERESTED AND WASN'T KEEPING UP WITH HIS END OF THE THING AT ALL.
50355	KARKAT: HE STARTED GETTING SO UNBELIEVABLY SELF SATISFIED AND PIOUS, LIKE WAY MORE THAN HE EVER WAS BEFORE.
50356	KARKAT: LIKE HE'S JUST SO COMPLETELY CONVINCED HE'S FOUND HIS CALLING, THAT THIS SESSION IS THE GATEWAY TO THE PROMISED LAND WHERE HE'LL FULFILL HIS DESTINY.
50357	KARKAT: HE'S SO CAUGHT UP IN HIS IDIOTIC SCHEMES HE COULDN'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT ME ANYMORE.
50358	KARKAT: WHATEVER. AT LEAST HE STOPPED KILLING PEOPLE.
50359	DAVE: amazing i spent three years on this rock and never said one thing to the guy
50360	DAVE: i saw him once tho
50361	DAVE: just a glimpse in a dark hallway
50362	DAVE: it was kinda like seeing a blurry purple bigfoot with a huge boner
50363	KARKAT: OH GOD!
50364	KARKAT: THAT FUCKING GOD TIER OUTFIT.
50365	KARKAT: WHAT A GODDAMN FAKER. I CAN'T FOR THE LIFE OF ME IMAGINE WHERE HE GOT THAT THING.
50366	KARKAT: I KNOW KANAYA SURE AS HELL DIDN'T MAKE IT FOR HIM.
50367	KARKAT: THE MAN LITERALLY HAS NO SHAME.
50368	DAVE: why is he wearing it
50369	KARKAT: I DON'T KNOW!
50370	KARKAT: I DON'T THINK EVEN HE KNOWS.
50371	KARKAT: MAYBE TO MAKE A "GOOD IMPRESSION" ON HIS FAKE ASS RELIGIOUS IDOL, AFTER HE THRUSTS HIS SACRED COD PIECE THROUGH THE GATES OF SHANGRI LA.
50372	DAVE: ahahaha the best thing we ever do together is slam this assholes dumb religion
50373	KARKAT: YEAH!!!
50374	DAVE: really its the most hilarious fucking horseshit ive ever heard
50375	DAVE: i mean pretty much all religions are wrong but theres wrong and then theres WRONG
50376	DAVE: as in ZERO CHANCE YOU ARE EVER PROVEN RIGHT ABOUT EVEN A SINGLE THING DUDE, EVER EVER EVER
50377	KARKAT: HAHAHA! IT'S SO TRUE.
50378	KARKAT: I WISH I COULD SEE THE LOOK ON HIS FACE WHEN HE FINALLY REALIZES EVERYTHING HE BELIEVES IS A LIE.
50379	DAVE: be one sad clown that day
50380	DAVE: his bulge will probably deflate and make this high pitch noise plus corresponding flatulence
50381	KARKAT: HEY DAVE.
50382	KARKAT: WHAT DO YOU THINK WILL HAPPEN TO US AFTER WE MEET UP WITH THE OTHERS.
50383	KARKAT: I MEAN, AS FRIENDS.
50384	DAVE: what do you mean as friends
50385	KARKAT: I MEAN WILL WE STILL GET TO BE BROS.
50386	DAVE: uh
50387	DAVE: yeah?
50388	DAVE: no offense dog but thats a dumb and neurotic question
50389	KARKAT: NO BUT SEE
50390	KARKAT: WE'RE GOING TO MEET ALL THESE OTHER PEOPLE.
50391	KARKAT: JOHN AMONG THEM.
50392	KARKAT: AND JOHN IS YOUR BEST FRIEND, SO YOU WILL OSTENSIBLY RESUME THAT FRIENDSHIP WHERE YOU LEFT OFF.
50393	KARKAT: AND JOHN AND I HAD A FEW TESTY CONVERSATIONS WITH EACH OTHER ONE DAY, AND IN MOST OF THOSE I MADE A FOOL OF MYSELF.
50394	KARKAT: AND I GUESS WE BECAME FRIENDS THAT DAY? MAYBE??
50395	KARKAT: BUT THE REALITY IS IT WAS JUST ONE DAY, AND HE'D BE WELL WITHIN A REASONABLE FRAME OF MIND NOT TO GIVE A CRAP IN HINDSIGHT ABOUT THE GUY WHO TROLLED HIM ONCE THREE YEARS AGO.
50396	KARKAT: AND THE SAME GOES FOR JADE!
50397	KARKAT: I THOUGHT WE HAD A DECENT RAPPORT, BUT AGAIN, IT WAS ONE DAY FOREVER AGO. SHE PROBABLY BARELY REMEMBERS ME AT THIS POINT.
50398	KARKAT: WHEREAS THAT DOESN'T MATTER FOR YOU, BECAUSE YOU GO WAY BACK WITH THEM. THIS IS LIKE A FUCKING *HEARTFELT REUNION* FOR YOU GUYS.
50399	KARKAT: BUT WHERE DOES THAT LEAVE ME??
50400	KARKAT: I CAN HARDLY CALL GAMZEE A FRIEND ANYMORE. WHO KNOWS IF MY FRIENDSHIP WITH TEREZI WILL EVER BE WHAT IT WAS BEFORE. I USED TO BE PRETTY CLOSE WITH KANAYA, BUT NOW SHE AND ROSE NEVER LEAVE EACH OTHER ALONE FOR MORE THAN A FUCKING MINUTE.
50401	KARKAT: ALL MY OTHER FRIENDS ARE DEAD, AND NOW WE'RE LEAVING THE DREAM BUBBLES BEHIND.
50402	KARKAT: AND THEN THERE'S YOU.
50403	KARKAT: SO
50404	KARKAT: I'M JUST WONDERING WHAT HAPPENS NEXT.
50405	DAVE: you forgot the mayor
50406	DAVE: youre pretty damn tight with the mayor arent you
50407	KARKAT: THE MAYOR'S FRIENDSHIP IS A UNIVERSAL CONSTANT, AND I AM INSULTED BEYOND COMPREHENSION AS WELL AS MY CAPACITY TO VOMIT THAT YOU WOULD INSINUATE OTHERWISE.
50408	DAVE: yeah the mayor rules
50409	DAVE: but as usual you are overcomplicating this
50410	DAVE: just like you overcomplicate everything
50411	DAVE: friendship leadership romance
50412	DAVE: shipping grids and dick battles
50413	DAVE: this is real simple
50414	DAVE: our meteor will somehow tokyo drift to a dead stop in the new session
50415	DAVE: at which point we will keep being bros for life or something
50416	DAVE: i will start being friends with john and jade again because they are my friends and never stopped being that
50417	DAVE: john will also be your friend because hes cool and also a doofus who is easy to be friends with
50418	DAVE: jade will be your friend too cause shes nice and likes being friends with people
50419	DAVE: i can personally guarantee that she will be happy to see you
50420	DAVE: and as for the new people i dont know about them but theyll probably be your friends too
50421	DAVE: all i know is two of them are my parents and two of them are johns parents and aint no rule that says you cant be friends with your bros mom and pop
50422	DAVE: especially when your bros mom and pop are a couple of sassy teens
50423	DAVE: as for terezi i dont know i guess well see what happens
50424	DAVE: and as for gamzee fuck that guy with a balloon poodle
50425	DAVE: friendship lesson secured the end
50426	TEREZI: ZZZZZZZ ZZNK SNOOORT
50427	TEREZI: SM4CK SM4CK
50428	TEREZI: NNNRNNNNNNNRRNGNGNHGHGL3
50429	KARKAT: UH OH, LOOK WHO'S STARTING TO COME AROUND!
50430	KARKAT: WAKE UP SLEEPY HEAD!
50431	KARKAT: HONK HONK HONK, YEAH THAT'S RIGHT! IT'S TIME TO FACE THE FUCKING MUSIC.
50432	HEY. YOU.
50433	COMPUTER MAN. I NEED MORE HELP.
50434	No.
50435	COMPUTER MAN. ASSIST ME WITH MORE HOT TIPS.
50436	No!
50437	YES.
50438	I'M HAVING TROUBLE UNDERSTANDING BLUE HAT.
50439	This is a shameful exploitation of our arrangement.
50440	We weren't supposed to talk anymore once you left Earth.
50441	I DID NOT AGREE TO THOSE TERMS.
50442	Every time we talk, you complain that I am being self indulgent.
50443	But you always come back for more! It's like you can't get enough of me.
50444	I think you might be obsessed.
50445	GIVE ME MORE HOT TIPS ASSHOLE.
50446	You only made that caltop so you could talk to me on the go, didn't you?
50447	NO.
50448	Please, don't lie. Who else would you use it to talk to in your solo session? GAMZEE?
50449	I bet you haven't said one word to him through that device. You never even refer to him by his name.
50450	THE CLOWN HAS BEEN AN ADEQUATE PEON. WHEN IT COMES TO DOING THINGS I DON'T WANT TO DO.
50451	THERE IS NO REASON TO SPEAK TO HIM THROUGH MY FUN HELMET.
50452	You should try to be better friends with him.
50453	He basically ditched his best buddy for you.
50454	WHO CARES?
50455	He reveres you, and you treat him like shit.
50456	YES.
50457	SO.
50458	So...
50459	You're off to a pretty good start at being a god, I guess?
50460	THANK YOU.
50461	LOOK. I JUST SAID A POLITE THING.
50462	NOW REWARD ME WITH WHAT I WANT.
50463	Ugh.
50464	YELLOW HAT IS VERY FAST.
50465	AS A MINION HE HAS BEEN VERY USEFUL.
50466	BUT I AM HAVING TROUBLE DETERMINING THE ABILITIES OF BLUE HAT.
50467	Yellow hat and blue hat?
50468	You should come up with better names for them than that.
50469	LIKE WHAT.
50470	Like, I don't know.
50471	Maybe some cool mobster names?
50472	MOBSTER NAMES.
50473	WHY WOULD I GIVE THEM MOBSTER NAMES.
50474	Because mobsters are cool.
50475	THEY DON'T LOOK LIKE MOBSTERS.
50476	THEY LOOK LIKE FUCKING LEPRECHAUNS.
50477	Anyone can be a mobster though. Even cherubs and leprechauns.
50478	Being a mobster isn't about what you look like, it's about what's inside you.
50479	WOW. THAT IS SO PROFOUND.
50480	NOW STOP STALLING AND GIVE ME TIPS.
50481	Are these the only two you've unlocked so far?
50482	YES.
50483	I HAVE CONQUERED THE SECOND PLANET.
50484	AND HAVE NOW TRAVELED TO THE THIRD.
50485	BEFORE I CONQUER THIS ONE. I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW WHAT BLUE HAT DOES.
50486	He's pretty much doing what he does.
50487	HE SEEMS TO BE STUCK.
50488	IS HE BROKEN.
50489	No. He's just slow.
50490	WHAT.
50491	That's his power.
50492	Yellow hat is fast.
50493	Blue hat is slow.
50494	THAT'S A HORRIBLE POWER.
50495	HOW IS THAT EVEN A POWER.
50496	It just is.
50497	ARGH.
50498	I WAS LOOKING FORWARD TO ACHIEVING MORE POWERFUL MINIONS.
50499	NOT MORE MALINGERING FOOLS TO TAKE UP SPACE IN MY DARK CARNIVAL.
50500	DO THEY GET BETTER THAN THIS.
50501	That depends on what you mean by better.
50502	OH MY GOD.
50503	OK. WE'RE DONE.
50504	BYE.
50505	DAVESPRITE: wake up sleepy head
50506	DAVESPRITE: wait why did i even say that
50507	DAVESPRITE: stay asleep all you want like i give a fuck
50508	DAVESPRITE: but you are kind of missing some important shit here
50509	DAVESPRITE: we spent three faux relativistic years cruising through the metaphysical asscrack of nowhere
50510	DAVESPRITE: and when we finally get here youre all tuckered out
50511	DAVESPRITE: like yall didnt sleep enough on this boat already
50512	DAVESPRITE: some of the sicknastiest shuteye anyone ever got i owe to this friggin boat
50513	DAVESPRITE: dude this is a big deal everyones waiting for us out there
50514	DAVESPRITE: i mean...
50515	DAVESPRITE: probably
50516	DAVESPRITE: i dont know where we are some green hilly place with all these stone henges sprinkled around
50517	DAVESPRITE: did you know there could be a plurality of stone henges i didnt but guess fucking what
50518	DAVESPRITE: henges APLENTY where this place is concerned
50519	DAVESPRITE: hey wheres jade
50520	DAVESPRITE: i guess she left already?
50521	DAVESPRITE: maybe there was an emergency somewhere and her doggy senses led her there
50522	DAVESPRITE: maybe someone fell down a well
50523	DAVESPRITE: what do you think john do you think our teen parents fell down a well
50524	DAVESPRITE: nah i sincerely doubt that any of them would be that pathetic
50525	DAVESPRITE: whatever it was it must have been important enough for jade to ditch us like this
50526	DAVESPRITE: either that or
50527	DAVESPRITE: maybe she was that desperate to finally get away from me
50528	DAVESPRITE: between you and me john
50529	DAVESPRITE: i didnt really handle things with her as well as i could have
50530	DAVESPRITE: oh well maybe real dave will treat her better
50531	DAVESPRITE: or not i dont know
50532	DAVESPRITE: i did her a favor cutting bird dave out of her life
50533	DAVESPRITE: nobody really deserves bird dave as a boyfriend or a friend or anything its like getting one of the janky daves from the bargain bin at the dave depot
50534	DAVESPRITE: or one of the marked down daves the day after national dave day
50535	DAVESPRITE: its like somebody taxedermized your dave and expected you not to notice
50536	DAVESPRITE: "feathers what feathers haha no that dave is totally normal and ok"
50537	DAVESPRITE: you should just go back to being bros with real dave when you see him
50538	DAVESPRITE: ill be fine ill just flap around and do my thing alone
50539	DAVESPRITE: im completely alright with that at this point
50540	DAVESPRITE: we had our ups and downs john but all in all it was cool to go on this road trip with you
50541	DAVESPRITE: there were some times man
50542	DAVESPRITE: the times
50543	DAVESPRITE: im telling you they were unreal
50544	DAVESPRITE: i bet you people would pay good money to see every second of the madcap stunts that were going down on this ship basically 24/7
50545	DAVESPRITE: if hulls could talk wow
50546	DAVESPRITE: haha just joking it was seriously boring as hell
50547	DAVESPRITE: but i mean it was still cool so yeah
50548	DAVESPRITE: hey
50549	DAVESPRITE: whats that ring anyway
50550	DAVESPRITE: ive seen you with that ring before and i guess i was just like
50551	DAVESPRITE: ok john has a magic ring for some reason
50552	DAVESPRITE: no need to mention that or anything
50553	DAVESPRITE: but where did you even get it
50554	DAVESPRITE: you cant even hear me you got your snooze on so hard
50555	DAVESPRITE: aint gonna wake you up to hassle you about no ring
50556	DAVESPRITE: i probably should have said all this stuff when you were awake anyway
50557	DAVESPRITE: like the stuff about friendship
50558	DAVESPRITE: fuck it ill just leave another one of my patented magic notes taped to your shoe or your cowlick or something
50559	DAVESPRITE: my magic notes rule ill miss leavin em taped on stuff
50560	DAVESPRITE: i sure do talk to myself a lot dont i
50561	DAVESPRITE: wow why have i never made this observation
50562	DAVESPRITE: i probably needed to be a bird for exactly three years to finally have that epiphany
50563	DAVESPRITE: i wonder if real dave ever had that epiphany
50564	DAVESPRITE: probably not cause hes not a bird
50565	DAVESPRITE: the bottom line is being a guy whos also a bird makes you think
50566	DAVESPRITE: anyway im out
50567	DAVESPRITE: p.s. happy birthday john
50568	DAVESPRITE: have some watermarks for the road
50569	I UNLOCKED MORE GNOMES.
50570	I thought they were leprechauns.
50571	I DON'T CARE WHAT THEY ARE.
50572	Ok.
50573	I HAVE NOW CONQUERED FOUR PLANETS. AND HAVE THE SAME AMOUNT OF GNOMES UNDER MY COMMAND.
50574	YELLOW HAT. BLUE HAT. RED HAT. AND NOW PURPLE HAT.
50575	Congratulations.
50576	THE PLANETS ARE BECOMING INCREASINGLY DIFFICULT TO CONQUER.
50577	I ALMOST DID NOT MANAGE TO DESTROY THE PURPLE PLANET. WITHIN THE ALLOTTED TIME.
50578	UNFORTUNATELY. THE QUALITY OF THE UNLOCKED GNOMES HAS NOT INCREASED TO MATCH THE ESCALATING DIFFICULTY OF MY QUEST.
50579	IT SEEMS TO BE JUST THE OPPOSITE. THESE GNOMES ARE SHIT.
50580	What's wrong with the new gnomes?
50581	OK. RED HAT? HE HAS.
50582	*NO FUCKING POWERS AT ALL.*
50583	UNLESS HIS POWER IS TO FOLLOW ME AROUND CONSTANTLY.
50584	Yes. That's basically what he does.
50585	PURPLE HAT IS EVEN WORSE.
50586	IS HIS POWER TO DANCE AROUND ALL THE TIME. WHILE SINGING RIDDLES TO ME?
50587	Yes.
50588	AWFUL.
50589	PURPLE HAT'S BEHAVIOR IS SO INFURIATING. I HAVE ATTEMPTED TO MURDER HIM SEVERAL TIMES.
50590	BUT TO NO AVAIL.
50591	You can't kill purple hat. He's too lucky!
50592	That's also his power. Being really lucky.
50593	WHAT GOOD DOES THAT DO ME???
50594	I don't know.
50595	Get him to solve puzzles for you?
50596	Use him as a human shield sometimes?
50597	I mean a gnome shield.
50598	OH YEAH. THAT'S ACTUALLY A REALLY GOOD IDEA.
50599	You shouldn't be whining about how lame your minions are.
50600	As you accumulate more, your job is obviously to combine their talents in creative ways to overcome the increasingly difficult challenges on your quest.
50601	Synergize your time gnomes. Make them more than the sum of their pointy hats.
50602	THAT'S GOING TO BE DIFFICULT.
50603	THEY ARE ALL IDIOTS.
50604	Nobody said it would be easy.
50605	FINE.
50606	I HAVE NO MORE QUESTIONS FOR NOW.
50607	Hey.
50608	Did you kill that cute turtle?
50609	NO.
50610	But I can see your past trail.
50611	You're standing there holding a gun, and pointing it at the turtle.
50612	OK. THEN YES.
50613	I KILLED THE TURTLE.
50614	Boooooooooo.
50615	MEENAH: ey its the blue buoy again!
50616	MEENAH: sea him there just off the starboard shit
50617	MEENAH: yo watch how far away i can fork him from
50618	ARANEA: Meenah, put the trident down.
50619	ARANEA: Don't make me conchfishscate it again.
50620	MEENAH: 38D
50621	MEENAH: 38D
50622	MEENAH: conchfishscate
50623	MEENAH: 38D
50624	VRISKA: Hey, it's John!
50625	JOHN: vriska, is that you?
50626	VRISKA: Yeah! Get over here!!!!!!!!
50627	JOHN: alright.
50628	TAVROS: (oH,)
50629	TAVROS: (gREAT,)
50630	VRISKA: Nice to see you again, John. It's 8een too long.
50631	JOHN: yeah...
50632	JOHN: actually hasn't it been exactly a year?
50633	JOHN: i think it was my birthday last time we met too, heh.
50634	VRISKA: A year for you, may8e. Who even knows how long it's 8een out here, 8ut who cares.
50635	VRISKA: The point is, as you can see the plan I descri8ed to you 8efore is in full swing.
50636	JOHN: you mean the big treasure hunt, with all those black maps?
50637	VRISKA: Yes. 8ut they aren't 8lack anymore! Not totally.
50638	VRISKA: Everything's gone exactly as I intended. English has taken the 88, hook line and sinker.
50639	VRISKA: He's 8een chasing our "extended party" around the ring, 8lowing shit up with his monster 8reath, thus revealing the path to the treasure in the process.
50640	VRISKA: I must say, for an evil mastermind, the guy is kind of a dope.
50641	VRISKA: Supposedly his every move is a carefully calcul8ted ploy to assure his existence in the first place, yet here he is wrecking the joint like an oaf, unwittingly helping the hero find the weapon that will finally take him down.
50642	VRISKA: And we're almost there, too! Although 8y now it's 8ecome em8arrassingly o8vious that the treasure was hidden right around where we started all along.
50643	VRISKA: These maps have just 8een leading us all in a 8ig stupid circle!
50644	VRISKA: I should have seen it coming. I guess that's my 8ad. In terms of 8onehead moves, that's English: 1, Vriska: 1, so I guess we're even. 8ut may8e we don't have to mention that detail when we document my heroism in the annals of gr8tness.
50645	JOHN: uh... mention what, exactly?
50646	VRISKA: Exactly!
50647	VRISKA: Haha, I almost forgot how deceptively quick you are on the uptake, John.
50648	TAVROS: (tHAT'S NOT SO IMPRESSIVE,)
50649	TAVROS: (i WAS CONFUSED BY WHAT YOU WERE SAYING, tOO,)
50650	VRISKA: Tavros, if you're going to interrupt, don't mum8le. And even then, don't.
50651	VRISKA: Anyway, I really don't mind the fact that these cryptic treasure maps have led us all on a wild honk8ird chase.
50652	VRISKA: I've never once complained a8out a good long treasure hunt, and I'm not a8out to start now.
50653	VRISKA: 8esides, with the way spacetime works out here, who can say for sure we would 8e a8le to find the treasure at all unless we traced this exact path?
50654	VRISKA: No8ody can say that, is who. Least of all English, who as far as I know, can't actually speak so much as issue 8lood curdling roars that cleave the found8tions of reality itself.
50655	VRISKA: You're of course welcome to join us on our adventure, for as long as you're asleep.
50656	VRISKA: We could use another hand on deck. I'll even give you a rank and title!
50657	TAVROS: yOU GET TO BE LOWER THAN ME,
50658	TAVROS: tHAT'S THE FAIREST RULE,
50659	VRISKA: Wrong.
50660	VRISKA: Tavros, who's the captain here?
50661	VRISKA: Last time I checked, it wasn't Swa88y Nitram, Poopmaster Extraordinaire.
50662	TAVROS: }:(
50663	JOHN: by the way, hi tavros.
50664	JOHN: how have you been?
50665	TAVROS: oKAY,
50666	JOHN: cool pirate outfit you have there.
50667	TAVROS: nO, tHANKS, bUT IT'S NOT COOL, IT'S DUMB,
50668	TAVROS: vRISKA WANTS ME TO WEAR IT THOUGH, sO i DO, sO SHE'LL BE HAPPY,
50669	TAVROS: dON'T ASK ME WHERE MY PANTS ARE,,,
50670	JOHN: i wasn't going to.
50671	VRISKA: We all look amazing as pir8tes.
50672	VRISKA: This is non-negotia8le.
50673	JOHN: no argument here!
50674	JOHN: what about the rest of your crew?
50675	JOHN: i remember her, the punky one who always likes to stab me with her spear...
50676	JOHN: but i really hope she doesn't do that this time.
50677	MEENAH: (dream on blue nerd)
50678	MEENAH: (you in my crosshairs sucka)
50679	MEENAH: (gotch u right where i want)
50680	MEENAH: (just biding my time)
50681	MEENAH: (biding and biding)
50682	MEENAH: (gonna hunt you til we both double dead)
50683	MEENAH: (you are my obsession lil bluefish)
50684	MEENAH: (my shrimpiest of whales)
50685	MEENAH: (my mobiest of dicks)
50686	MEENAH: (call me)
50687	MEENAH: (fishmael)
50688	MEENAH: 3B|
50689	ARANEA: (STOPIT!)
50690	JOHN: but i don't know the one who looks kind of like your sister.
50691	JOHN: what is your name?
50692	ARANEA: Aranea. ::::)
50693	JOHN: hi.
50694	JOHN: and what about those two over there?
50695	VRISKA: These are my friends, Aradia and Sollux.
50696	VRISKA: I have recruited them for this expedition as specialists.
50697	VRISKA: They aren't really here to do any fighting. 8ut their a8ilities will 8ecome useful once we retrieve the treasure.
50698	ARADIA: hello.
50699	JOHN: hey.
50700	JOHN: are you alive?
50701	JOHN: your eyes do not look spooky and ghostly.
50702	ARADIA: thanks!
50703	ARADIA: yes im alive
50704	VRISKA: Yeah, and apparently she intends to stay that way?
50705	VRISKA: Hence her principled if somewhat lame commitment to pacifism.
50706	VRISKA: 8ut considering our history together, I'm willing to let 8ygones 8e 8ygones. I'm happy to have her on my crew in whatever capacity she likes.
50707	JOHN: your history? what happened?
50708	JOHN: wait, that's a rude question. sorry.
50709	TAVROS: (vRISKA KILLED HER TOO,)
50710	TAVROS: (sHE USED THE OTHER GUY THERE, tRAGICALLY, aS THE DEATH WEAPON,)
50711	VRISKA: Hey!!!!!!!!
50712	VRISKA: What did I say a8out 8ygones 8eing 8ygones? That's like rule fucking ONE of this ship.
50713	VRISKA: Anyway, she 8ecame a ro8ot and killed me 8ack, so o8viously we're cool now.
50714	JOHN: jeez, why does everyone always die so much?
50715	SOLLUX: (l0l, like this guy's 0ne t0 talk.)
50716	ARADIA: (sollux dont make our guest uncomfortable)
50717	SOLLUX: (he's already unc0mf0rtable, and he sh0uld be. we all sh0uld be.)
50718	ARADIA: really i havent thought about any of that in a long time
50719	ARADIA: ancient conflicts dont mean anything to me anymore but i was more than thrilled by the opportunity to go on another adventure like this
50720	ARADIA: we used to enjoy such campaigns together all the time when we were younger
50721	ARADIA: of course now the teams are a little different :)
50722	VRISKA: Yeah! Man, those were the days.
50723	JOHN: what about you... why do you have double eye patches?
50724	SOLLUX: uh, because i'm blind, stupid?
50725	JOHN: i can't tell if you're alive too or not, because i can't see if your eyes are spooky.
50726	SOLLUX: they're sp00ky as shit, but yes, i'm alive.
50727	SOLLUX: 0k, here's the sh0rt versi0n. i used t0 be able t0 see, but then i went blind.
50728	SOLLUX: then i used my p0wers t00 hard, and died. but it turned 0ut i was 0nly half dead.
50729	JOHN: half dead?
50730	SOLLUX: let me finish. s0 the gh0st half 0f me c0uld see again, s0 i was 0nly half blind.
50731	SOLLUX: but then s0meb0dy pr0t0typed my c0rpse, which i guess sucked the gh0st half 0f me 0ut 0f my b0dy, t0 make me fully alive again? als0 fully blind.
50732	SOLLUX: and n0w the gh0st part 0f my s0ul is sharing a sprite b0dy with FUCKING ERIDAN 0f all pe0ple.
50733	JOHN: who's eridan?
50734	SOLLUX: just the d0uche wh0 blinded me in the first place, it d0esn't even matter.
50735	JOHN: um, alright. but i don't think i quite followed all of that.
50736	JOHN: what does being half dead mean?
50737	SOLLUX: y0u kn0w, f0rget it.
50738	SOLLUX: i'm s0 sick 0f telling this st0ry t0 pe0ple 0ver and 0ver, and n0b0dy understanding what the hell i'm talking ab0ut.
50739	SOLLUX: it's all s0 simple. n0, actually, it isn't, it's a fucking stupid st0ry that makes n0 sense, maybe that's the pr0blem.
50740	SOLLUX: my marginal existence is fraught with s0 much p0intless duality and c0mplicated n0nsense, s0 i'm d0ne even trying t0 explain it.
50741	SOLLUX: fr0m n0w 0n i sh0uld just wear a shirt that says d0n't ask me ab0ut my disability 0r my m0rtality. then everything w0uld be fine.
50742	VRISKA: It's really kind of a shame Gamzee prototyped Eridan's torso parts and swiped his ghost from the afterlife.
50743	VRISKA: I 8et he would have had a gr8 time on this voyage. I used to own him during our nautical campaigns all the time!
50744	SOLLUX: if he was 0n this ship, i'd walk the plank and plummet thr0ugh the fake ass water thr0ugh infinite n0where f0rever.
50745	SOLLUX: besides y0u act like y0u haven't already recruited at least fifty fucking eridans fr0m d00med timelines in y0ur army.
50746	SOLLUX: y0u really are shamefully prejudiced against 0ur alternate reality gh0st selves, they're just as real as we are and have the same em0ti0ns and everything.
50747	VRISKA: Gimme a 8r8k, Sollux. As if you don't view them the exact same way.
50748	VRISKA: You've got real Eridan, and then pretty much a whole 8unch of pretenders out there.
50749	SOLLUX: they're all real!!! SHIT, i d0n't even LIKE eridan, but here i am sticking up f0r his c0pies.
50750	VRISKA: See? You just called them copies. Even you can't avoid accidentally using a pro8lematic slur which reveals that no matter what you 8elieve a8out your morals, deep down you're always gonna favor the original, while viewing all the others as duplic8tes of lesser value.
50751	SOLLUX: 0h whatever. just WHATEVER, rati0nalize the "c0llateral damage" t0 y0ur army all y0u want.
50752	SOLLUX: and t0 think, bef0re i j0ined y0ur party i heard rum0rs that y0u might have changed, like learned t0 be a better pers0n 0r s0mething, HEHEH, YEAH RIGHT!
50753	VRISKA: Oh pleeeeeeeease. I hardly think I'm a 8ad person for failing to give a shit a8out a 8illion meaningless dead Nepetas, do you?!
50754	SOLLUX: n0, y0u're n0t a bad pers0n f0r THAT PARTICULAR reas0n, i guess.
50755	VRISKA: What am I seriously supposed to do? Fly around and 8efriend each one individually?
50756	VRISKA: Sorry, I have 8etter things to do with my time. Let's try to 8e at least somewhat practical here.
50757	ARADIA: ive met most of those nepetas theyre all very nice
50758	VRISKA: Oh shut up.
50759	JOHN: and what about all those ships up ahead?
50760	JOHN: are they part of the treasure hunt too?
50761	VRISKA: Of course!
50762	VRISKA: That's my army.
50763	MEENAH: *COUG)(*
50764	VRISKA: Ok, I mean OUR army.
50765	VRISKA: 8ut like, on 8oats.
50766	JOHN: isn't an army on boats usually called a navy?
50767	VRISKA: John, help me out. I seem to 8e having trou8le remem8ering which one of us is the captain.
50768	VRISKA: Was it the dork in 8lue pajamas, or was it the veteran sailor in the rad captain's coat?
50769	VRISKA: That's right, the captain was me! And I say it's an army that happens to 8e on a 8unch of 8oats.
50770	TAVROS: (oHHHHHH, oHH DAMN,)
50771	TAVROS: (hE GOT SMOKED! wOW, sO SMOKED,)
50772	TAVROS: (mEENAH, dID YOU CATCH THOSE SICK FIRES,)
50773	MEENAH: (no but for reel it pretty much is a navy)
50774	MEENAH: (just sayin)
50775	JOHN: who's in the army?
50776	VRISKA: Thousands of ghosts. Primarily those of old friends and acquaintances.
50777	VRISKA: We've amassed a coalition of eager volunteers ready to lay down their ghost lives for a worthy cause.
50778	JOHN: you mean fighting lord english?
50779	VRISKA: When we're ready for that, yes. 8ut we need the treasure first.
50780	VRISKA: So for now they're sailing well ahead of us in large num8ers to attract his attention, so he can do more damage to the ring and fill out the rest of our maps.
50781	VRISKA: We should 8e very gr8teful for their 8ravery. They are making a no8le sacrifice for us all.
50782	TAVROS: (bRAVERY, yEAH, rIGHT,)
50783	TAVROS: (i'M MOSTLY SURE SHE'S MIND CONTROLLING THEM,)
50784	VRISKA: God DAMMIT, Tavros.
50785	VRISKA: We really don't need your play 8y play commentary on everything!
50786	JOHN: wait, you're mind controlling all those ghosts?
50787	VRISKA: No!
50788	VRISKA: Well, not all of them.
50789	VRISKA: Once you group enough together, others tend to latch on to the mo8 out of curiosity. We trolls have a way of clustering together naturally.
50790	VRISKA: You've got to understand, John. Most of these people are pretty self a8sor8ed. They just needed a little 8it of persuasion to join the cause.
50791	MEENAH: word
50792	JOHN: yeah, but...
50793	JOHN: isn't that still kind of, um...
50794	JOHN: dickish?
50795	VRISKA: 8ut all these stu88orn jackasses are going to dou8le die anyway if we don't all work together and kill this guy!
50796	VRISKA: This is WAR, John. In times of war, difficult decisions have to 8e made with the lives of many.
50797	VRISKA: Just think of me as a general giving orders to my troops. It just happens that the orders are a little more direct in this case.
50798	MEENAH: hey serket deuce
50799	MEENAH: lets not lose track a whos actually in charge of this shit mkay
50800	VRISKA: Yeah yeah.
50801	VRISKA: All hail Her Imperious Teen Condescension, the fresh new face of tyranny, Supreme Admiral Peixes.
50802	VRISKA: At this time I would like to motion for a fifteen minute 8owing 8r8k so that we may demonstr8te our reverence for this 8old, spunky leader.
50803	MEENAH: yessssss
50804	VRISKA: Tavros, stop 8owing. That was a joke.
50805	MEENAH: no keep doin that
50806	MEENAH: lower swabby
50807	MEENAH: LOW-ER
50808	MEENAH: face on the fuckin deck
50809	MEENAH: yes just like that perfect
50810	JOHN: how do you mind control so many ghosts at once?
50811	JOHN: isn't that kind of hard?
50812	VRISKA: Well, I do have a little help.
50813	VRISKA: John, did I mention?
50814	VRISKA: My ancestor........
50815	VRISKA: She is THE 8EST.
50816	JOHN: she is?
50817	ARANEA: I must admit, I was not in favor of the idea at first.
50818	ARANEA: 8ut Vriska made a very strong case for using our com8ined powers in this way.
50819	ARANEA: In a perfect reality, no one would have to get hurt. 8ut the stakes are too high to 8e shying away from such measures.
50820	VRISKA: See what I mean??
50821	VRISKA: The 8est.
50822	JOHN: uh.
50823	ARANEA: It has 8een wonderful spending so much time on this adventure with my descendant.
50824	ARANEA: Not just 8ecause it's helped me get to know her 8etter, 8ut 8ecause it's opened my eyes to things a8out myself I was never really in touch with.
50825	ARANEA: There are certain capa8ilities within me I have never quite 8een a8le to face, and she's helped me realize I've 8een hiding from them all my life, and well 8eyond.
50826	ARANEA: It must 8e true what they used to say on my world. That if you really want to know who you are, look to the legacy left 8ehind 8y your ancestor.
50827	ARANEA: I think that wisdom works in 8oth directions!
50828	VRISKA: Well put, Marquise. I've always felt the exact same way!
50829	MEENAH: PUKE
50830	MEENAH: oh my glub the serk twins bein adorbubble again
50831	MEENAH: nitram get your mop ready for swabbin up all this vomit comin out ma mouth
50832	TAVROS: eW, nO,
50833	MEENAH: can you two stick a fork in the sentimental carp
50834	MEENAH: maybe pretend you aint hit it off so good
50835	MEENAH: you ever stop and think how this makes me feel
50836	ARANEA: There's no reason to 8e jealous, Meenah. You know nothing has changed a8out our friendship.
50837	MEENAH: jealous
50838	MEENAH: bitch no
50839	MEENAH: just makes me think about my kid descendant
50840	MEENAH: an how instead of having this cool friendsy relation with her i just got this uncontrollable urge to stab her to death so she dont threaten my supremacy
50841	MEENAH: which is a shame cuz she so cute 38(
50842	MEENAH: cod damn my royal blood and the cray junk it makes me have to do
50843	MEENAH: aw well
50844	MEENAH: maybe some day ill find an heiress who my genes dont instinctively make me wanna murder on sight
50845	MEENAH: then i can teach her the badass ways of being a boss n shit!
50846	JOHN: (god, trolls are so weird.)
50847	TAVROS: jOHN JUST SAID TROLLS ARE WEIRD,
50848	TAVROS: hE SAID IT QUIETLY, bUT i HEARD HIM,
50849	JOHN: hey!
50850	JOHN: you snitch.
50851	MEENAH: yeah but
50852	MEENAH: arent we
50853	TAVROS: uH,,,,,
50854	MEENAH: moral of the story is blue kid is a dumb nerd but is right when he says stuff
50855	MEENAH: look at that its like me and him are becoming fast fronds thus lulling him into a sense of false confidence already
50856	JOHN: what?
50857	MEENAH: (soon my lil whale...)
50858	MEENAH: (soon...)
50859	ARANEA: It is true. To a human, the ways of trolls from 8oth Alternia and 8eforus will seem very strange.
50860	ARANEA: In fact, prior to uniting in the afterlife, even the two groups of trolls were reasona8ly alien to one another.
50861	ARANEA: I've had a gr8 deal of time to study the cultures of many species throughout paradox space. No matter which race you 8elong to, one can always find another whose ideals pose a challenge of comprehension to even the most open minded.
50862	ARANEA: And though the ethical standards of those from Alternia may seem unpalata8le to you, rest assured there are 8eings elsewhere in the cosmos whose violent 8ehavior would 8e considered extreme even to most trolls.
50863	ARANEA: Actually John, I'm very glad you 8rought this up.
50864	ARANEA: 8ecause I was in the middle of a wonderful story a8out this very su8ject, which you interrupted when you 8oarded our ship.
50865	JOHN: oh.
50866	JOHN: sorry.
50867	ARANEA: No, that's fine!
50868	ARANEA: Really, I'm quite pleased that you did.
50869	ARANEA: This way I get to start over from the 8eginning!
50870	ARANEA: There were some rough patches in my original telling which I can go 8ack and fix.
50871	ARANEA: This time it will 8e much 8etter!
50872	JOHN: ok.
50873	JOHN: what's the story about?
50874	ARANEA: It is a tale a8out a very mysterious alien race called cheru8s.
50875	ARANEA: Let us 8egin.
50876	ARANEA: Once upon a time........
50877	ARANEA: There was a very mysterious alien race called cheru8s!
50878	MEENAH: aranea i thought you said youd fix the shitty parts of the story
50879	MEENAH: you started with that crappy line the first time too
50880	ARANEA: The opening line is fine!
50881	MEENAH: its aight i guess
50882	MEENAH: knot
50883	ARANEA: Oh shut up and let me tell my story.
50884	ARANEA: Now where was I?
50885	JOHN: there was a very mysterious alien race called cherubs.
50886	ARANEA: Right.
50887	ARANEA: There was a very mysterious alien race called cheru8s.
50888	ARANEA: 8ut there was one cheru8 in particular who, for at least the first half of our story, will 8e our heroine.
50889	ARANEA: She spent eons roaming her galaxy, completely alone. 8ut the time had come for her to find a m8.
50890	This is no small task for a cheru8. 8eing an asocial species, they spend virtually no time in each other's presence at all. Aside from when it is time to m8, they may go their entire lives without encountering another. And so they scatter their num8ers throughout space, each staking a territory spanning many lightyears.
50891	8ut like a predator is a8le to track the scent of its prey, a cheru8 can sense the presence of another near8y. This sense is especially strong if that cheru8 shares the same qualities its other half once had long ago, 8efore it experienced the matur8tion process known as predomin8tion.
50892	You see, when a young cheru8 hatches, it would appear that only one creature has 8egun its life. 8ut the appearance is not to 8e trusted. The young cheru8 actually consists of two completely distinct 8eings, a male and a female each sharing one 8ody. The two halves are endowed with polar opposite predispositions as well. One predisposed toward malevolence, another toward 8enevolence. Good or evil, if you prefer to deal in simplistic terms, or at least those which are convenient for the sake of this story! I prefer to view the dichotomy as a kind of moral alignment, like an attri8ute that dict8tes the choices a character makes in certain types of games I used to play. The male and female halves can 8e aligned either way, as long as they differ from each other. The resulting conflict 8etween the two personalities is central to life as a cheru8, 8oth 8efore and after predomin8tion.
50893	Shortly after hatching, the two halves 8egin vacill8ting, taking turns controlling the 8ody. The only physical differenti8tion 8etween the two is the color8tion of their cheek swirls, which indic8tes alignment. There is otherwise no way to tell male and female apart 8efore a cheru8 predomin8tes. The vacill8tion process is demarc8ted 8y sleep. When the male goes to sleep, the female wakes up. And when the male wakes up, again the female sleeps. And so it goes, 8ack and forth like this, as the two identities vie for dominance over the other, and ultim8tely, permanent control over the 8ody. They grow to detest one another, and develop a view of social interaction centered entirely around animosity and confront8tion. For good cheru8s, this readies them for a long life of isol8tion, as they will prefer to avoid the sort of conflict that comes with social interaction as they have 8een conditioned to understand it. 8ut for evil ones, the contentious up8ringing only serves to fuel their inclin8tion to harm others.
50894
50895	And though this duality makes for a tormented childhood, the inner conflict it cre8tes is an extremely important part of a young cheru8's life. The defining part, actually. It is the struggle a cheru8 must overcome to mature, and this process culmin8tes in predomin8tion.
50896	One half will prove to have a stronger will than the other. The less dominant half will then weaken over time, and it will eventually 8ecome clear to 8oth that one will not survive. The dominant personality will then completely consume the other, integr8ting it in such a way that only one is left. The cheeks will 8ecome solidly colored, and the cheru8 will grow to maturity as a single 8eing, endowed with the alignment of the dominant half, and with all his or her personal qualities at the forefront of the union.
50897	In the case of our heroine, she was the good half, and the day of her predomin8tion was in a sense the day her 8rother died. And though it was to her 8enefit and personal growth, 8ecause of this loss she would always live with a sense that something was missing. Every sexually mature cheru8 lives with this feeling. It drives them to seek out another cheru8 similar to the half they lost, the part of their 8eing which they grew up in perpetual conflict with. The desire to travel the universe in hopes of reigniting that conflict is very important to their species. It's the force which compels them to procre8.
50898	So she set out to track his scent, as it were. And soon, she found a physical trail as well. A path of carnage left 8ehind 8y a particularly destructive male cheru8. She followed the de8ris from civilized worlds and star systems he left 8ehind, as if to mock her, to make it clear he knew of her pursuit and was all 8ut paving her way with the dead. His 8rutality made her more furious, thus setting the mood, so to speak, for their imminent courtship.
50899	A cheru8 of his alignment is seemingly motiv8ted 8y little other than to conquer and destroy. From a 8ioexistential perspective, they 8ehave somewhat like viruses attacking the system from within. 8ut as with all sym8iotic organisms living within a universe, there are 8alancing factors. While those inha8iting an evil cheru8's territory will regard it as an unpredicta8le tyrant, those in the territory of a good cheru8 will likely come to view it as a protector, waiting quietly for millenia in deep space, ready to attack any encroaching threat. In that sense, they are not unlike cells in a universal immune system.
50900	This 8alance of forces allows sta8ility, such that life and new civiliz8tions can 8lossom and thrive within a universe, thus assuring the possi8ility of its own ela8orate procre8tion process. 8ut if that 8alance was ever distur8ed, it would lead to chaos in that 8iosystem. The universe could not survive for long. And if 8y some means a cheru8 with such destructive tendencies were to achieve unprecedented power, the resulting im8alance would 8e catastrophic for paradox space itself. And though the heroine of our story could have no way of knowing, this is exactly what would result from the pursuit of her kismesis.
50901	Like humans, cheru8s perceive romance through only one quadrant. Unlike humans, their rel8tionships are exclusively 8lack. 8ut their m8ting ritual is much more violent than any practice trolls would, or even physically could engage in. And though it is critical to the perpetu8tion of their race, the confront8tions can sometimes 8e lethal to one or 8oth cheru8s. Regardless of the outcome, the stakes are always high. The winner of the duel will assume control of the other's territory, while the loser will slink away to 8ear the offspring. So as she toured the planetary wreckage, she knew her quest for a m8 was not just a8out the propag8tion of her species, 8ut the li8er8tion of 8illions from a monster.
50902	She pursued him for many sweeps with mounting o8session, until one day the trail came to an end at a 8lack hole. Cheru8s typically seek out 8lack holes as the setting for their m8ting ritual. 8ut not any 8lack hole. Once long ago it was a star, and circling that star was a planet. That planet was home to one of the presently sparring cheru8s. The male in this case returned to the site of his hatching to m8, a loc8tion now conspicuously occupied 8y a truly massive 8lack hole.
50903	This was where she found him. And this was where they would duel.
50904	While an adult cheru8 is a fearsome creature, and would 8e a formida8le opponent to anyone in its unaltered st8, this is not the form in which they do 8attle with each other. The ritual is more extreme and physically demanding than any other kind of courtship or duel in the universe. The moment they meet, they will 8oth undergo a dramatic metamorphosis.
50905	The m8tes will then duel as two vast frightening serpents, each an astronomical unit in length.
50906	The tangled struggle 8etween the green aus is exceedingly 8rutal and can last for sweeps. While dueling in such a monstrous form, their energy is inexhausti8le. The transform8tion taps into the cheru8s' latent connection with the enigmatic forces presiding over all that is eternal, and perme8ting all those endowed with immortality. Normally this power is only accessi8le to them during m8ting. In this form, they are only a8le to 8e injured 8y one another, and are otherwise indestructi8le. Hence the ritual can never 8e stopped 8y an outside force until it is complete.
50907	It should come as no surprise that in this story our heroine was victorious. Upon defeating her m8 she initi8ted the interlocking form8tion to complete the coupling, while assuming the dominant position, a stance undetecta8le to all 8ut the most astute o8servers of the zoologically du8ious. Consequently, the male was fertilized with the young.
50908	He then slithered away in disgrace from the territory he'd just lost. A cheru8 looking to nest will search for a dead planet situ8ted near a massive dying star. The egg is deposited on the planet's surface, and the rising temperature from the expanding red giant will incu88 the egg until it is ready to hatch. Later in life, the cheru8 will grow wings, assuming it has matured properly. And if it has learned to fly well enough to reach a safe distance from the nest 8efore the star goes supernova, soon the hungry cheru8 will return and feast on the resulting stellar energy. Doing so allows it to gain enough strength to travel gr8 distances, and claim its own territory. The star will then collapse into a 8lack hole, serving as a distinct gravit8tional 8eacon to the cheru8 l8ter in life, so it may return there to m8.
50909	As it happens, our heroine's m8 discovered Earth, long after it had journeyed to a new sun, and long since new civiliz8tions had risen and fallen. Now on the 8rink of destruction from its dying star, its 8arren accommod8tions were ideal for a young cheru8. There he deposited his single egg and flew away, never to return. No cheru8 ever spawns more than one offspring at a time, for it is every cheru8's destiny to grow up alone. Or alone on the outside, at least.
50910	From that egg hatched one very special cheru8 with two names - one that few will ever know, and one that few should ever say. A fascin8ting thing a8out cheru8 reproduction is how the parent's alignment is passed on to the young. If the male lays the egg, the alignments of the child's two halves will 8e the same as the parents. If the female lays the egg, the alignments will 8e flipped, and the young male and female halves will 8e endowed with opposite alignments of the parents. As such, the male half took after his father. Perhaps the son even exceeded him in violent tendencies. It is hard to imagine there has ever 8een a cheru8 more willfully destructive or as stu88ornly dedic8ted to conquest than the monstrosity he would grow up to 8ecome.
50911	Due to his indomita8le nature, I 8elieve victory over his sister was a foregone conclusion. 8arring a highly impro8a8le glitch in causality, it would 8e almost impossi8le for her to predomin8te over someone like him. And even so, he didn't have the patience to w8. Unfortun8tely for everyone to ever exist, he discovered a way to predomin8te early. Yet it was not this act alone that would prove ominous, so much as the means through which it was achieved. He was allowed to 8ecome the solo player of a game which his kind was never meant to play.
50912	And so, it is with the predomin8tion of her son that our heroine's story ends, and the story of our villain 8egins.
50913	ARANEA: Hey!!!!!!!!
50914	ARANEA: Meenah, where are you going?
50915	MEENAH: im takin a gaper break
50916	MEENAH: god
50917	ARANEA: 8ut the story isn't over yet!
50918	MEENAH: girl your stories never end my bladder cant even deal
50919	MEENAH: just keep talking while im gone
50920	ARANEA: No, that's ok. We can w8!
50921	MEENAH: i already heard the damn story though!
50922	ARANEA: Not all of it!
50923	MEENAH: glubber fuck cant you just keep yappin about snake sex while i hit the lil grubs room already
50924	ARANEA: I'm afraid not. Everyone must listen to the full story.
50925	MEENAH: omfg
50926	MEENAH: you really are turnin evil arent ya
50927	MEENAH: i would be proud except of how terrible and boring the actual consequences are for me personally
50928	JOHN: wait...
50929	JOHN: does that mean when you're a ghost you still have to pee?
50930	MEENAH: none a your business blue kid
50931	JOHN: that's so weird.
50932	JOHN: am i the only one who thinks that's weird?
50933	VRISKA: No, John. It's definitely pretty weird that ghosts have to pee.
50934	VRISKA: You get used to life as a ghost pretty fast, though.
50935	JOHN: but weren't you already pretty used to peeing when you were alive?
50936	VRISKA: Yeah. That's why you get used to it pretty fast, dummy!
50937	JOHN: this is kind of a stupid conversation.
50938	JOHN: can we hear more about the snakes and whatnot? it was a pretty cool story.
50939	ARANEA: Yes! ::::D
50940	ARANEA: As soon as Meenah returns from her visit to the load gaper.
50941	MEENAH: HOLY MACK-ER-EL CAN YOU S)(ITFUCKS JUST -ENJOY YOUR SPAC-E LIZARD PORN W)(IL-E I TAK-E A FUCKING PISS???
50942	ARANEA: I think we could all stand to take a 8rief intermission from the story regardless, to let all these intriguing facts a8out cheru8s sink in.
50943	MEENAH: ugh
50944	MEENAH: you and your intermissions
50945	MEENAH: what is with your intermissions they aint even intermissions most of the time
50946	MEENAH: they just an excuse to tell another dumb story inside a longer dumb story
50947	ARANEA: Yes, Meenah. You are correct, and your reserv8tions are noted.
50948	ARANEA: However, would it change your mind if I were to propose not an intermission, 8ut........
50949	ARANEA: An interfishin?
50950	MEENAH: ...
50951	MEENAH: ...
50952	ARANEA: ;;;;)
50953	MEENAH: fine
50954	MEENAH: lets do the interfishin thing you said
50955	MEENAH: cuz of fish
50956	MEENAH: brb u scrubs
50957	ARANEA: Anyway, where was I?
50958	JOHN: the heroine story ends and the villain story begins.
50959	JOHN: i think...
50960	ARANEA: Yes, that's right.
50961	ARANEA: It is with the predomin8tion of her son that our heroine's story ends, and the story of our villain 8egins.
50962	ARANEA: 8ut as we all know, 8eginnings are not always so easy to pinpoint in paradox space.
50963	ARANEA: One could say his story 8egan the day he claimed immortality. Or the moment his 8eing was inexplica8ly confined to a juju, allowing him access to any realm in which his vessel would capriciously materialize.
50964	ARANEA: 8ut for the sake of linearity, we may as well say his story 8egan the day he and his sister hatched.
50965	ARANEA: When a cheru8 hatches, the two undeveloped personalities mingle together in the same 8ody. There is not yet a clear division 8etween the two.
50966	ARANEA: It will then consume the egg shell for the vital nutrients it contains. The sugary snack is irresisti8le to the starving wiggler.
50967	ARANEA: Once it finishes its first meal, the two personalities will 8e pulled apart for good, and the child will pup8.
50968	ARANEA: The two halves then 8egin vacill8ting with their sleep cycles, as I descri8ed.
50969	ARANEA: As you might expect, the female child was as cheerful and friendly as could 8e.
50970	ARANEA: She took after her mother in every way. At least, the way her mother used to 8e, long 8efore she was hardened 8y centuries of isol8tion and o8sessive pursuit of justice.
50971	ARANEA: And to just as little surprise, the male child was an insuffera8le 8rat.
50972	ARANEA: It is just as well that cheru8 parents a8andon their offspring. Raising such a child 8y the familial standards of any race would 8e a monumental challenge.
50973	ARANEA: Nevertheless, it would seem there were those who tried.
50974	ARANEA: Details in my research suggest our villain had a num8er of acolytes oper8ting in the shadows, preparing for his arrival.
50975	ARANEA: We will pro8a8ly never know who these scurrilous conspir8tors were. 8ut it is evident that at some point the cheru8 was locked in a room, either out of exasper8tion, or for its own good, until it was old enough to enter the session.
50976	ARANEA: The children were left with everything a young cheru8 could ever want. Meat, candy, computers, a lifetime supply of special stardust, and of course their precious jujus.
50977	ARANEA: The acolytes had clearly gone to gr8 lengths to harvest such items from all over the cosmos, so they could lavish their young master with gifts.
50978	ARANEA: They may have 8een prisoners, yes. 8ut if you ask me, these children were very spoiled.
50979	ARANEA: While the female was preparing for a colla8or8tive approach to the game, the male was plotting furiously against her. He never had any intention of working with her.
50980	ARANEA: As far as he was concerned, the game was his and his alone to conquer.
50981	ARANEA: One day, he put his plan into motion. He had his sister's dream self assassin8ted on Prospit.
50982	ARANEA: The next time she went to sleep, she would never wake up again. When her 8rother woke up, he 8ecame the sole occupant of the 8ody.
50983	ARANEA: He then freed himself from his chains, and launched the session 8y himself.
50984	ARANEA: 8ut this game was never meant to 8e played solo.
50985	ARANEA: Its format is inherently cooper8tive. The diversity of players, the com8in8tion of their efforts and aspects, this is what awakens the true cre8tive potential of the game. Without them, a session will wither and die.
50986	ARANEA: If one enters alone, it completely alters the nature of the game. It changes its purpose.
50987	ARANEA: For a solo player, a challenging quest 8ecomes an insurmounta8le one. A reward of infinite promise 8ecomes a 8oon far more sinister.
50988	ARANEA: The gauntlet which the player must overcome is seemingly designed to 8e impossi8le. For all intents and purposes, it is not actually a game at all. It is a death sentence for any player foolish enough to accept the challenge.
50989	ARANEA: 8ut it 8ears repeating.
50990	ARANEA: This was very special cheru8.
50991	ARANEA: He entered what is called a dead session.
50992	ARANEA: This qualifies as 8oth a null and void session, 8ut is even less than either of those. Compared to a typical session, it is almost unrecogniza8le.
50993	ARANEA: 8efore the game 8egins, Skaia is 8lotted out with a dark layer of clouds. Its light is extinguished for good.
50994	ARANEA: There is no planet w8ting for the player in the medium.
50995	ARANEA: So instead, he 8rought it with him.
50996	ARANEA: 8ut when he arrived, there was no heroic journey for him to em8ark on.
50997	ARANEA: There was nothing. No sprite, no consorts, no underlings.
50998	ARANEA: The land had no name.
50999	ARANEA: Those things all needed to 8e unlocked.
51000	ARANEA: To unlock his true quest, he was forced to undergo a series of excruci8tingly tedious trials.
51001	ARANEA: Only then would the way to the planet's core 8e revealed. There, he would consult with the most monstrous denizen of all.
51002	ARANEA: And while such trials might discourage most players from even trying, our villain's response was quite the contrary.
51003	ARANEA: He was only em8oldened 8y the mind num8ing chores. He took to them with gusto, as if performing them out of spite.
51004	ARANEA: With perseverance, he found the final door and unlocked it.
51005	ARANEA: W8ting for him on the other side was a terri8le creature named Yalda8aoth.
51006	ARANEA: His denizen would allow him a 8rief audience. One just long enough for him to make The Choice.
51007	ARANEA: No denizen has ever 8een mistaken for pleasant company. 8ut the self-proclaimed god of all monsters is notoriously inhospita8le to his players.
51008	ARANEA: His choices are known for their wild extremes.
51009	ARANEA: And to this player, in this session, he offered his most extreme choice of all.
51010	ARANEA: It was the choice 8etween a path of conquest, and a path of sacrifice.
51011	ARANEA: 8ut this is putting it lightly.
51012	ARANEA: In a tongue only his player could understand, he descri8ed what the path of the martyr entailed.
51013	ARANEA: In short, it involved nothing.
51014	ARANEA: The player chooses to walk away from the tempt8tion of power. To surrender all am8ition, and to welcome death.
51015	ARANEA: In exchange for this pledge comes a promise. The player's sacrifice is assured to 8enefit all who will ever live.
51016	ARANEA: In death, the player would later 8e in the position to help 8ring an end to a force of unfathoma8le evil and destruction.
51017	ARANEA: A force which was unleashed, for instance, 8y someone who once opted for the other choice.
51018	ARANEA: Yalda8aoth then descri8ed what it meant to choose the path of the conqueror.
51019	ARANEA: It was a path for a more active player, to 8e sure. The player's mettle as a conquering force would 8e tested directly, and repeatedly.
51020	ARANEA: One 8y one, he would have to conquer and destroy a num8er of planets spawned for him in the session. Each would 8e more difficult than the last.
51021	ARANEA: After destroying them all, his true land would 8ecome unlocked.
51022	ARANEA: He would then return to face his denizen again, and defeat him in com8at.
51023	ARANEA: If successful, his reward would 8e unprecedented.
51024	ARANEA: He would receive the 8oon of unconditional immortality, where resurrection would not 8e linked with the just or heroic nature of death.
51025	ARANEA: It is unclear how this 8oon would 8e awarded, since to my knowledge it is 8eyond even the a8ility of a denizen to allow this.
51026	ARANEA: 8ut through whatever mechanism the 8oon is 8estowed, immortality is only the 8eginning.
51027	ARANEA: The player is somehow also im8ued with a limitless supply of power. Enough to destroy anything he wanted, for as long as he wanted.
51028	ARANEA: And knowing the villain of our story, anything he wanted would be everything. And as long as he wanted would be forever.
51029	ARANEA: Yes, knowing our villain, the choice he would make is quite clear.
51030	ARANEA: Knowing him, in fact, proves it could hardly 8e considered a choice at all.
51031	ARANEA: It was at this point the real game would 8egin.
51032	ARANEA: Skaia would undergo a dramatic transform8tion, 8ecoming even darker and heavier.
51033	ARANEA: Soon it would 8ecome a very massive solid sphere. It would 8egin to gener8 heat within due to rising density.
51034	ARANEA: The surface would 8egin to crack.
51035	ARANEA: The resulting explosion is known as the First 8r8k.
51036	ARANEA: From the primordial 8last would emerge fifteen planets for the player to conquer.
51037	ARANEA: They would scatter and ricochet at high velocity 8efore settling into or8it in the medium.
51038	ARANEA: The 8r8k is a very violent phenomenon though. Not all planets will necessarily clear the 8last 8efore the Skaian de8ris settles into its final st8.
51039	ARANEA: The vast amount of resulting matter then collapses into a 8lack hole.
51040	ARANEA: Its gravit8tional pull is tremendous. Any o8ject within range will 8e sucked in and destroyed.
51041	ARANEA: Those planets which settle into or8it will 8e safe, for the time 8eing.
51042	ARANEA: 8ut in the case of our villain's session, three of the planets did not make it and fell 8ack into the hole.
51043	ARANEA: This was a very lucky 8r8k for him!
51044	ARANEA: It meant that he would only have to conquer twelve planets instead.
51045	ARANEA: This 8it of good fortune could very well have 8een the difference which allowed him to overcome a nearly impossi8le challenge.
51046	ARANEA: His task was to destroy all of these planets in order, each within a time allowance that gets shorter with every planet.
51047	ARANEA: To destroy a planet, first it must 8e conquered.
51048	ARANEA: He would have to overcome all forces of resistance on the planet, and ultim8tely defeat whatever powerful underling ruled there.
51049	ARANEA: Then, much like he did to unlock the quest in the first place, he would have to travel to the planet's core.
51050	ARANEA: There he would retrieve a 8om8, and return to the surface.
51051	ARANEA: If he did not accomplish this in time, the 8om8 would deton8 in the core, and the game would 8e lost automatically.
51052	ARANEA: The 8om8 is not powerful enough to destroy the planet alone.
51053	ARANEA: In fact, its purpose is not to damage the planet at all, 8ut to move it.
51054	ARANEA: So he must 8ring it to a design8ted loc8tion on the surface.
51055	ARANEA: When it explodes, the planet will 8e knocked out of or8it, and sucked into the hole.
51056	ARANEA: Of course he must make sure he has moved on to the next planet 8efore this happens!
51057	ARANEA: He repeats this process for each planet until they are all gone.
51058	ARANEA: There is one caveat though. He must skip the eighth planet.
51059	ARANEA: If he sinks that one 8efore any of the others, it will result in the destruction of the entire session.
51060	ARANEA: Thus it must 8e the final planet he conquers.
51061	ARANEA: Upon destroying the eighth planet, his true land will reveal itself.
51062	ARANEA: The dead planet will come to life, and there he must prepare for 8attle with his denizen.
51063	ARANEA: He may sharpen his com8at skills, craft new weaponry, anything he can do to improve his chances against a very powerful endgame foe.
51064	ARANEA: Fortun8tely for him, he would not have to face the monster alone.
51065	ARANEA: 8y then he will have accumul8ted a party of loyal minions.
51066	ARANEA: With each planet he destroys, he will 8e awarded a new leprechaun follower.
51067	ARANEA: Even if a planet was destroyed in the 8r8k, he will still 8e awarded that planet's leprechaun upon destroying the planet preceding it. Sort of like a two for one deal!
51068	JOHN: wait.
51069	JOHN: leprechauns??
51070	ARANEA: Yes, John!
51071	ARANEA: I'm delighted to see you have pounced on what is clearly the most interesting part of the story thus far.
51072	ARANEA: Leprechauns are a fascin8ting mythical race, although there is some dispute among scholars as to whether they are actually a 8reed of gnome.
51073	JOHN: ...
51074	ARANEA: I can't say I 8lame you for 8eing speechless. There are no dou8t hundreds of questions swirling in your head at once a8out these wonderful creatures.
51075	ARANEA: Where do I even 8egin? You must forgive me, I find it very difficult to resist going on at length a8out them. I just think they are so gr8.
51076	ARANEA: For instance, I can and have given lectures for weeks at a time on their marvelous and widely varying magical a8ilities.
51077	ARANEA: More intriguing yet would 8e any medium-to-longform harangue on the topic of their culture and customs, most of which revolve around luck.
51078	ARANEA: 8ut most captiv8ting of all, and the su8ject upon which I will now assiduously expound, would 8e the positively scintill8ting su8ject of leprechaun romance.
51079	ARANEA: The pro8lem is that when the su8ject of leprechaun romance is 8roached, our overly o8essive troll intellects instantly assume the most ingrati8ting posture of admir8tion imagina8le.
51080	ARANEA: Which makes it hard! Hard to give it proper academic focus I mean, 8ecause of how gr8 it is.
51081	ARANEA: 8ut we will do our 8est to understand regardless.
51082	ARANEA: Trolls have only four forms of romance. And though we consider it a complic8ted su8ject, spanning a wide range of emotions, social conventions, and implic8tions for reproduction, it is ultim8tely a superficial slice of what leprechauns consider the full 8ody of romantic experience. Our concept of romance, in spite of its capacity to fill our art and literature and to rule our individual destinies like little else, is still just that. A single, quaternary concept. A concept usually denoted 8y four sym8ols.
51083	ARANEA: <3 <3< <> o8<
51084	ARANEA: Leprechaun romance is more complic8ted than that. Leprechaun romance needs nine sym8ols.
51085	ARANEA: The nine quadrants of leprechaun romance are considera8ly more nuanced than our quaint notions of romance, and certainly more alien.
51086	ARANEA: In fact, so conditioned is my own understanding of romance that I can't help 8ut refer to them as quadrants, when in fact they are not quadrants at all! They are referred to as charms.
51087	ARANEA: One of the charms is characterized 8y romantic love, as understood 8y 8oth trolls and humans. 8ut after that, all 8ets are off. There is no division 8etween 8lack or red, concupiscent or conciliatory. Instead their charms comprise a spectral continuum of more su8tly varying types of relationships, most of which are esta8lished in mutual chicanery, such as the exchange of pranks, coy riddles, slapstick shenanigans, and games of chance. Furthermore, a pair of leprechauns is not limited to a single charm. A relationship may 8e defined 8y multiple charms at once! In fact, some of the most interesting relationships arise from exotic charm com8in8tions. A sta8le relationship consisting of three or more charms is called a trove. These advanced relationships are often viewed as the ideal end result for a romance, much the way certain pairing rituals are for humans.
51088	ARANEA: No charm is specifically tied to procre8tion, though any type of relationship could 8egin waxing concupiscent if lady luck should so decide. Certain charm com8in8tions are known to 8e more conducive to fertility than others. If the leprechaun pair has 8een so 8lessed, they will 8egin an ela8orate coupling procedure culmin8ting in a lively m8ting jig. The jigs are specific to the charms of course, similar to how different kinds of music lend themselves to various styles of dance.
51089	ARANEA: While their romance is endlessly captiv8ting, leprechaun reproduction may 8e the most interesting su8ject of all. Particularly from a perspective of detailed anatomical study, which I will get to shortly. 8ut first it 8ears pointing out that while for humans reproductive relationships are exclusively heterosexual, and for trolls they are 8isexual, for leprechauns they-
51090	VRISKA: WOW, WHAT A STORY!!!!!!!!
51091	ARANEA: 8ut I wasn't fin-
51092	VRISKA: WASN'T THAT STORY GR8 EVERYONE?
51093	VRISKA: WOW!!!!!!!!
51094	ARANEA: Hmm.
51095	ARANEA: You really liked it that much, Vriska?
51096	VRISKA: Hell yeah!
51097	VRISKA: Oh my god. That leprechaun stuff? Soooooooo good.
51098	VRISKA: Right guys?
51099	ARANEA: Wow. Well, I would 8e happy to continue then, if you-
51100	VRISKA: Mindfang, have I told you how gr8 it's 8een to get to know each other, and team up on adventures and stuff?
51101	VRISKA: I really feel like you've helped me get in touch with my ancestral roots. Mainly as a kickass storyteller.
51102	VRISKA: It was like this whole part of my personality I was never aware of. Like the part that's compelled to just outright explain tons of really interesting things to people, while sparing no detail whatsoever.
51103	VRISKA: It's made me feel a lot closer to understanding my aspect, as well as closer to you. So I just wanted to say, thanks!
51104	ARANEA: Aw, you're welcome!
51105	ARANEA: I feel the exact same way a8out my time with you.
51106	ARANEA: You have really helped me get in touch with the true pir8 within. I saw in you the adventurous spirit I always wished I could 8e.
51107	ARANEA: You helped me finally understand the virtue in rationalizing questiona8le decisions, and 8ehaving unscrupulously for the gr8ter good!
51108	VRISKA: Haha, stop! You're going to make me start tearing up.
51109	VRISKA: Get over here and give me a hug, alpha sister.
51110	ARANEA: ::::)
51111	KARKAT: WHO???
51112	TEREZI: YOU KNOW...
51113	TEREZI: VR1SK4S 4NC3STOR?
51114	TEREZI: TH3 FR13NDLY ON3 WHO T3LLS LONG STOR13S
51115	KARKAT: OH YEAH.
51116	KARKAT: HER.
51117	KARKAT: I DON'T KNOW, I CAN'T KEEP ALL THESE GHOST NAMES STRAIGHT.
51118	KARKAT: FLIPTUNA? MEOWLIN...
51119	KARKAT: WASN'T THERE A CARLOS?
51120	KARKAT: FUCK IT. THEY WERE ALL NAMED CARLOS AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED.
51121	KARKAT: WAIT. EXCEPT MEENAH. SHE WAS ALRIGHT. A LITTLE FORWARD, BUT...
51122	KARKAT: WHATEVER, THIS ISN'T THE POINT.
51123	KARKAT: ALL I REMEMBER ABOUT MY INTERACTIONS WITH THE SERKET GIRL WAS GETTING CORNERED INTO THESE LUDICROUS MONOLOGUES, THEN RACKING MY BRAIN FOR EXCUSES TO GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE.
51124	TEREZI: Y34H W3LL
51125	TEREZI: 1 W4S 4 L1TTL3 MOR3 T4CTFUL TH4N YOU 4ND 4CTU4LLY L1ST3N3D
51126	TEREZI: 4ND L3T H3R T4LK M3 1NTO SOM3TH1NG 1 SHOULDNT H4V3 >:[
51127	KARKAT: SO SHE WAS JUST LIKE
51128	KARKAT: *POOF!*
51129	KARKAT: AND SUDDENLY YOUR EYES WERE BETTER?
51130	TEREZI: Y3S
51131	KARKAT: WHAT IS SHE, SOME SORT OF MAGIC FAIRY??
51132	TEREZI: UM. Y3S?
51133	TEREZI: TH4TS K1ND OF L1T3R4LLY WH4T SH3 1S
51134	KARKAT: OH
51135	KARKAT: ALRIGHT, I GUESS HER STORY CHECKS OUT THEN.
51136	KARKAT: GOOD FOR HER.
51137	KARKAT: BUT THIS DOESN'T SEEM LIKE YOU TEREZI. I MEAN, I DIDN'T THINK YOU EVEN WANTED YOUR EYESIGHT BACK?
51138	KARKAT: I'VE NEVER MET ANYONE AS CHUFFED ABOUT HER OWN DISABILITY AS YOU. I WAS ALWAYS UNDER THE IMPRESSION YOU FELT LIKE IT WAS A BIG PART OF WHO YOU ARE?
51139	TEREZI: 1T W4S!!!
51140	TEREZI: TH3 MOM3NT SH3 H34L3D M3 1 KN3W 1 M4D3 4 T3RR1BL3 M1ST4K3
51141	TEREZI: BUT 1 COULDNT T4K3 1T B4CK
51142	TEREZI: 1 THOUGHT 4BOUT 1T
51143	TEREZI: L1K3 JUST BL1ND1NG MYS3LF 4G41N 4ND PR3T3ND1NG 1T N3V3R H4PP3N3D
51144	TEREZI: BUT
51145	TEREZI: 3V3N TH3 W4Y 1T H4PP3N3D OR1G1N4LLY W4S SOM3TH1NG SP3C14L TO M3
51146	TEREZI: 1 C4NT DUPL1C4T3 TH4T
51147	TEREZI: 4ND 3V3N 1F 1 COULD 1T ST1LL WOULDNT B3 TH3 S4M3
51148	TEREZI: 1 C4NT S33M TO FORG1V3 MYS3LF FOR B31NG SO STUP1D
51149	TEREZI: FOR SOM3 R34SON 1 THOUGHT 1T W4S 4 GOOD 1D34 TO T4K3 TH3 ONLY COOL 4ND UN1QU3 TH1NG 4BOUT MYS3LF 4ND "F1X" 1T
51150	TEREZI: WH4T W4S 1 TH1NK1NG?
51151	KARKAT: WHOA WHOA
51152	KARKAT: THE *ONLY* COOL THING ABOUT YOU?
51153	KARKAT: TEREZI. I WANT TO BE UNDERSTANDING, BUT I CAN'T GET BEHIND SOME OF THE SHIT YOU'RE SAYING ABOUT YOURSELF HERE.
51154	KARKAT: WHAT MADE YOU START UNRAVELING LIKE THIS?
51155	TEREZI: 1 TH1NK 1T W4S WH3N W3 ST4RT3D M33T1NG OUR 4NC3STORS
51156	TEREZI: 4ND 1 THOUGHT TH3Y W3R3 4LL COOL3R 4ND OLD3R 4ND MOR3 1NT3R3ST1NG TH4N US
51157	TEREZI: 3V3N THOUGH TH3Y PROB4BLY W3R3NT?
51158	TEREZI: TH3Y H4D 4 LOT OF PROBL3MS 4ND 1NS3CUR1T13S TOO
51159	TEREZI: BUT 1 GU3SS TH3 K1ND TH4T OLD3R K1DS H4V3, 4ND WH3N YOUR3 YOUNG3R YOU DONT R34LLY R3COGN1Z3 TH3M 4S PROBL3MS
51160	TEREZI: YOU LOOK 4T THOS3 TH1NGS 4S JUST P4RT OF WH4T 1TS L1K3 B31NG SOM3ON3 WHOS MOR3 1NT3R3ST1NG 4ND GROWN UP TH4N YOU
51161	TEREZI: M4YB3 S1NC3 1M NOT 4S YOUNG 4NYMOR3 1 GU3SS 1 C4N S33 TH4T NOW
51162	TEREZI: BUT 1 W4S STUP1DLY 4W3STRUCK BY SOM3 P3OPL3 WHO W3R3 NOT SO 1MPR3SS1V3 1N R3TROSP3CT 4ND 1 M4D3 4 DUMB M1ST4K3
51163	KARKAT: WAIT. WE MET ALL THOSE PEOPLE LIKE...
51164	KARKAT: KIND OF A LONG TIME AGO?
51165	KARKAT: HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN HIDING THIS FROM EVERYONE?
51166	TEREZI: 1 DONT KNOW
51167	TEREZI: 4 Y34R OR SOM3TH1NG?
51168	TEREZI: 4ND 1 W4SNT H1D1NG 1T
51169	TEREZI: 1 JUST D1DNT T3LL 4NYBODY
51170	KARKAT: YEAH! THAT'S WHAT HIDING IT MEANS.
51171	TEREZI: BUT
51172	TEREZI: YOU USU4LLY C4NT S33 MY 3Y3S 4NYW4Y!
51173	TEREZI: C4US3 OF MY GL4SS3S?? DUH
51174	KARKAT: I KNOW, BUT NOT TELLING ANYBODY THAT IS STILL BEING POINTLESSLY SECRETIVE!
51175	KARKAT: YOU COULD HAVE SAID, HEY KARKAT, I FUCKED UP AND NOW I CAN SEE AGAIN. MAYBE WE CAN TALK ABOUT THIS SO I DON'T GO INTO A TRAGIC DOWNWARD SPIRAL AND MAKE YOU WORRY ABOUT ME FOR NO REASON!
51176	TEREZI: 1M SORRY!
51177	TEREZI: 1 SHOULD H4V3
51178	TEREZI: BUT 1 W4S SO 4SH4M3D
51179	KARKAT: AND WHAT ABOUT THIS CLANDESTINE BLACKROM NONSENSE YOU'VE GOT GOING ON WITH GAMZEE?
51180	TEREZI: WH4T?
51181	KARKAT: HAVE YOU BEEN DATING HIM FOR JUST AS LONG?
51182	KARKAT: WAS HE INVOLVED IN THAT DECISION??
51183	KARKAT: LIKE, DID HE HELP TALK YOU INTO HEALING YOUR EYES OR SOMETHING?!
51184	TEREZI: HOW D1D YOU KNOW W3 W3R3 D4T1NG!
51185	TEREZI: D1D H3 T3LL YOU?
51186	KARKAT: OH MY GOD. TEREZI, YOU ARE A FUCKING CATASTROPHE.
51187	KARKAT: YOU USED TO BE LIKE, CUNNING? AND CONSIDERABLY MORE INTELLIGENT THAN ME, WHICH I HAVE NO PROBLEM ADMITTING.
51188	KARKAT: BUT THIS IS RIDICULOUS. EVEN IF I DIDN'T FIGURE IT OUT MYSELF, WHICH I *DID* BECAUSE IT WAS *OBVIOUS*, YOU ARE UP HERE ON THE ROOF LYING UNCONSCIOUS IN A PILE OF HONK HORNS AND FAYGO BOTTLES.
51189	KARKAT: I AM NOT A MASTER OF DEDUCTION, BUT UNLESS YOU WERE RECENTLY STOMPED ON BY SOME SORT OF GOLEM COMPOSED OF GARBAGE FROM A CIRCUS, IT SEEMS FAIR TO SAY YOU ARE OFFICIALLY DOWN WITH THE CLOWN.
51190	TEREZI: UUUGH
51191	TEREZI: OK
51192	TEREZI: Y3S
51193	TEREZI: 1TS TRU3 >:o[
51194	KARKAT: WELL? WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY ABOUT IT.
51195	TEREZI: 1 COULDNT G3T UP TH3 N3RV3 TO T3LL YOU 4BOUT TH4T 31TH3R
51196	TEREZI: 1N 4 W4Y, 1M 3V3N MOR3 D1SGUST3D W1TH MYS3LF FOR D4T1NG TH4T 4SSHOL3 TH4N 1 4M FOR H34L1NG MY 3Y3S
51197	KARKAT: THEN WHY ARE YOU DOING IT!
51198	TEREZI: 1 DONT KNOW!
51199	TEREZI: 1 C4NT BR1NG MYS3LF TO STOP S331NG H1M
51200	TEREZI: 3V3RY T1M3 1 TH1NK 1 C4NT STOM4CH TH3 S1GHT OF H1S UGLY F4C3 FOR 4NOTH3R S3COND
51201	TEREZI: H3 PULLS M3 B4CK 1N
51202	TEREZI: H3 1S JUST
51203	TEREZI: SO
51204	TEREZI: 4444WFUL
51205	TEREZI: H3 4LW4YS KNOWS 3X4CTLY WH4T TO S4Y TO P1SS M3 OFF
51206	TEREZI: 3V3RYTH1NG H3 DO3S
51207	TEREZI: H1S F4K3 GOD T13R SU1T, H1S SMUG 3XPR3SS1ON, TH3 DUMB4SS W4YS H3 BUTCH3RS H1S S3NT3NC3S
51208	TEREZI: S4Y1NG SH1T L1K3 '4LL G3TT1NG UP 4T H1S MOTH3R FUCK1N HONK ON', 444444RGH!
51209	TEREZI: 1 H4T3 1T SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!
51210	TEREZI: BUT 1 K33P COM1NG B4CK FOR MOR3
51211	TEREZI: H3S L1K3 4 DRUG!
51212	TEREZI: 3V3N MOR3 4DD1CT1V3 TH4N TH1S...
51213	TEREZI: R3VOLT1NG SOD4 1 C4NT STOP DR1NK1NG
51214	TEREZI: 1V3 H4D SO MUCH F4YGO 1 C4NT 3V3N T4ST3 TH3 COLOR 4NYMOR3 >:[
51215	TEREZI: 1 JUST T4ST3 TH3 SUG4R 4ND TH3 BUBBL3S 4ND TH3 4WFUL FL4VOR 1T L34V3S B3H1ND, WH1CH JUST M4K3S M3 DR1NK MOR3 TO W4SH 1T 4W4Y
51216	TEREZI: UNT1L 1 F33L SO N4STY 1 H4V3 TO T4K3 4 LONG SOD4 N4P, BUT 1 W4K3 UP LO4TH1NG MYS3LF 3V3N MOR3
51217	TEREZI: SO 1 JUST R34CH FOR 4NOTH3R BOTTL3
51218	TEREZI: 1T 1S TRULY...
51219	TEREZI: TH3 W1CK3D 3L1X1R
51220	TEREZI: *SOB*
51221	KARKAT: TEREZI...
51222	TEREZI: 1 W4NT H1M TO B3 OUT OF MY L1F3
51223	TEREZI: H3 1S TH3 WORST TH1NG TH4TS 3V3R H4PP3N3D TO M3
51224	TEREZI: BUT
51225	TEREZI: 1 GU3SS YOU C4NT H3LP WHO YOU H4T3
51226	KARKAT: THIS IS KILLING ME, HEARING THIS.
51227	KARKAT: I SERIOUSLY WANT TO WEEP ACTUAL PUKE OUT OF MY EYEBALLS FROM THIS STORY.
51228	KARKAT: HOW DID THIS HAPPEN???
51229	KARKAT: I'VE GOT TO SAY, I DIDN'T SEE IT COMING. IF YOU TOLD ME SWEEPS AGO YOU AND HE...
51230	KARKAT: I WOULDN'T BELIEVE IT. LIKE IF THE WRITING WAS ON THE WALL THERE, I SURE AS FUCK DIDN'T READ IT.
51231	TEREZI: Y34H, 1T SNUCK UP ON M3
51232	TEREZI: 1T D1DNT H3LP TH4T H3 T3RROR1Z3D US WH3N W3 W3R3 H1D1NG FROM J4CK
51233	TEREZI: R1GHT UND3R MY NOS3 TOO
51234	TEREZI: SOM3HOW 1 D1DNT PUT TH3 P13C3S TOG3TH3R 4T TH3 T1M3 4ND L3T H1M G3T 4W4Y W1TH MURD3R
51235	TEREZI: 4ND GR4DU4LLY 1 ST4RT3D H4V1NG TH3S3 UNCONTROLL4BL3 THOUGHTS 4BOUT H1M
51236	TEREZI: D4RK THOUGHTS
51237	TEREZI: 4ND WH3N 1 WOULD C4TCH 4 WH1FF OF H1M 1N TH3 CORR1DORS, L1K3 H3 W4S T4UNT1NG M3, TH4T JUST F4NN3D TH3 FL4M3S
51238	TEREZI: TH3N W3 ST4RT3D T4LK1NG SH1T W1TH 34CH OTH3R MOR3 4ND MOR3
51239	TEREZI: 4ND H3 W4S SO MUCH N4ST13R TH4N H3 3V3R US3D TO B3! W4Y MOR3 TH4N 4NY OF OUR FR13NDS 3V3R W3R3
51240	TEREZI: ON3 T1M3 H3 ST4RT3D MOCK1NG MY BL1NDN3SS
51241	TEREZI: WH1CH N3V3R BOTH3R3D M3 WH3N 4NYON3 3LS3 D1D 1T
51242	TEREZI: BUT SOM3HOW, TH3 STUFF H3 S41D...
51243	TEREZI: 1 L3T 1T G3T UND3R MY SK1N
51244	TEREZI: 4ND COMB1N3D W1TH M33T1NG 4 LOT OF N3W P3OPL3 1 F3LT L1K3 1 COULDNT L1V3 UP TO
51245	TEREZI: TH4TS WH3N 1 ST4RT3D R3CONS1D3R1NG 4R4N34S OFF3R
51246	KARKAT: I KNEW IT!
51247	KARKAT: I KNEW HE MUST HAVE HAD SOMETHING TO DO WITH THAT DECISION. THAT SLIMY BASTARD.
51248	KARKAT: THIS IS MOSTLY MY FAULT. I WASN'T VIGILANT ENOUGH WITH HIM, AND I LET OUR MOIRALLEGIANCE BREAK DOWN.
51249	KARKAT: IF I KEPT A CLOSER EYE ON HIM, MAYBE HE WOULDN'T HAVE LURED YOU INTO HIS SPINNING TENT OF SHIT.
51250	TEREZI: NO, YOU SHOULDNT F33L L1K3...
51251	KARKAT: OR MAYBE IT'S KANAYA'S FAULT? SHE'S ALWAYS BEEN A REALLY GOOD AUSPISTICE. MAYBE SHE COULD HAVE PREVENTED THIS, IF SHE WASN'T SO PREOCCUPIED HERSELF.
51252	KARKAT: NO WAIT! IT'S ACTUALLY MY FAULT AGAIN! IF I HAD BEEN ON THE BALL AND AUSPISTICIZED BETWEEN HER AND ROSE, SHE WOULD HAVE HAD THE TIME TO AUSPISTICIZE BETWEEN YOU AND GAMZEE!
51253	KARKAT: DAMMIT, I ALWAYS SAY I KNOW SO MUCH ABOUT ROMANCE, YET I ROUTINELY UNDERESTIMATE ITS COMPLEXITY, SO I ONLY FIGURE OUT WHAT TO DO AFTER IT'S WAY TOO LATE!
51254	KARKAT: GOD I'M SO STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID
51255	TEREZI: BL4RG SHUT UP!
51256	TEREZI: 1TS NO ON3S F4ULT BUT M1N3!
51257	TEREZI: 1M TH3 ON3 WHO H4S TO D34L W1TH 1T
51258	KARKAT: YEAH OK.
51259	KARKAT: FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH, HE'LL PROBABLY JUST BREAK IT OFF AND LEAVE YOU ONCE WE GET TO THE NEW SESSION.
51260	KARKAT: ALL HIS LOYALTIES AND PRIORITIES ARE TOTALLY WARPED NOW. I'M NOT SURE WHAT HE REALLY CARES ABOUT ANYMORE, BUT IT SURE ISN'T ANY OF US.
51261	TEREZI: YOU TH1NK
51262	TEREZI: H3 W1LL L34V3 M3?
51263	KARKAT: YEAH. I DO.
51264	TEREZI: *SOB!!!*
51265	KARKAT: WHOA, WHAT??
51266	KARKAT: ISN'T THAT WHAT YOU WANT?
51267	TEREZI: NO!
51268	TEREZI: 1D B3 D3V4ST4T3D 1F H3 JUST
51269	TEREZI: SUDD3NLY D1TCH3D M3 L1K3 TH4T
51270	KARKAT: OK, HELP ME OUT!
51271	KARKAT: YOU'RE CONFUSING ME HERE.
51272	TEREZI: 1D F33L P4TH3T1C!!!
51273	TEREZI: 4ND 1 GU3SS
51274	TEREZI: 4 S1CK 4ND T3RR1BL3 P4RT OF M3 DO3SNT W4NT H1M TO GO
51275	TEREZI: BUT 1F H3 DO3S 1 W4NT 1T TO B3 B3C4US3 1 T3LL H1M 1TS OV3R!
51276	KARKAT: WOW.
51277	KARKAT: ALRIGHT, I GUESS THAT MAKES SENSE. SORRY.
51278	KARKAT: I'M JUST TRYING TO BE SUPPORTIVE HERE.
51279	KARKAT: BUT I'M NOT ALWAYS SURE WHAT THE RIGHT THING TO SAY IS!
51280	KARKAT: I'M DOING MY FUCKING BEST. THIS IS COMPLICATED FOR ME TOO, YOU'RE BOTH MY FRIENDS.
51281	TEREZI: 1 KNOW
51282	TEREZI: 1 4PPR3C14T3 YOUR 1NT3NT1ONS K4RK4T
51283	TEREZI: M4YB3
51284	TEREZI: M4YB3 1T WOULD B3 B3TT3R 1F YOU W3R3NT S1TT1NG UP TH3R3 1N TH4T B4CKW4RDS CH41R WH1L3 YOU T4LK3D TO M3?
51285	KARKAT: WHAT?
51286	KARKAT: WHY??
51287	DAVE: yeah dude you should probably ditch the chair
51288	KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH MY CHAIR.
51289	DAVE: or at least sit on it frontways
51290	DAVE: or offer her another chair?
51291	DAVE: i dunno its kind of a dumb affectation in this context
51292	KARKAT: NO, LOOK. IT'S CASUAL AND RELAXED.
51293	KARKAT: LIKE, IT VISUALLY CONVEYS THAT MY PRESENCE IN THE CONVERSATION IS HUMBLE AND NONTHREATENING, YET FRANK AND ATTENTIVE.
51294	KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT FROM ME?
51295	DAVE: to sit on the goddamn floor
51296	KARKAT: WHY SHOULD I SQUAT ON THE DIRTY FLOOR, WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE!
51297	DAVE: so you can be on the same vertical plane with your friend while you exhibit compassion for her grody clown problem
51298	TEREZI: D4V3 1TS F1N3
51299	TEREZI: N3V3R M1ND 4BOUT TH3 CH41R, 1 DONT C4R3
51300	TEREZI: 1T JUST STRUCK M3 4S 4 B1T D1STR4CT1NGLY S1LLY, TH4TS 4LL
51301	KARKAT: OK, WOW, FINE!
51302	KARKAT: FUCK THE CHAIR. PARDON ME FOR MAKING MYSELF COMFORTABLE DURING A SINCERE HEART TO HEART DISCUSSION WITH A DEAR FRIEND IN NEED!
51303	KARKAT: BUT THE TIME HAS COME FOR ME TO CEASE STRADDLING THIS DEEPLY OFFENSIVE PIECE OF FURNITURE! AWAY WITH YE, FOUR LEGGED TEMPTRESS! DISTRACT US NO MORE WITH THE MOST BASIC AND UTILITARIAN FORM OF CREATURE COMFORT YOU SUPPLY!!!
51304	DAVE: karkat just threw a tantrum about a chair
51305	DAVE: i just won karkat tantrum bingo
51306	KARKAT: AT LAST!
51307	KARKAT: WE ARE FREE FROM THE ACCURSED INSTRUMENT OF ASS ELEVATION!
51308	DAVE: where did you even get that chair
51309	DAVE: did you steal it from the common area
51310	KARKAT: UNLIKE EVERYONE ELSE EVER, I HAPPEN TO MAKE A PRACTICE OF CAPTCHALOGUING ITEMS WHICH MIGHT BE CONVENIENT ON A DAY TO DAY BASIS.
51311	KARKAT: SAY I'M STROLLING AROUND AND FIND MYSELF IN NEED OF A PLACE TO SIT? BAM. SUDDENLY, A CHAIR.
51312	KARKAT: AND NO I DIDN'T STEAL IT.
51313	KARKAT: HOW COULD I STEAL SOMETHING FROM THE COMMON AREA? NOBODY ACTUALLY OWNS ANY OF THAT FUCKING FURNITURE.
51314	KARKAT: THAT'S WHY IT'S CALLED THE *COMMON* AREA, YOU ACCUSATORY PIECE OF FILTH.
51315	DAVE: sounds like communism
51316	DAVE: are you a communist or something
51317	DAVE: actually that makes perfect sense what with your sickle and all
51318	KARKAT: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT??
51319	DAVE: wait john has a hammer oh shit its all adding up
51320	DAVE: when we arrive are you going to team up with john and seize the means of production
51321	KARKAT: YOU APPEAR TO BE JUMPSTARTING A FACETIOUS DISCUSSION ABOUT SOME SORT OF HUMAN ECONOMIC IDEOLOGICAL FRAMEWORK, WITHOUT HAVING THE SLIGHTEST CLUE THAT YOUR VEHICLE IS PARKED SQUARELY IN THE NOBODY GIVES A FUCK ZONE.
51322	DAVE: im just saying
51323	DAVE: first chairs what next
51324	DAVE: see i am all about private property and pocketing dough
51325	DAVE: do you have any idea how rich i am
51326	DAVE: i am a man of MEANS motherfucker
51327	KARKAT: WHAT IS YOUR POINT?
51328	DAVE: just dont come after my boonies dude
51329	DAVE: or should i say karkat marx
51330	KARKAT: YOU AREN'T BEING SERIOUS NOW!
51331	KARKAT: THESE ARE NOT THE WORDS OF A SERIOUS PERSON.
51332	KARKAT: I WAS HAVING A *SERIOUS DISCUSSION* LIKE A *BIG TIME ADULT* WITH MY GOOD FRIEND TEREZI.
51333	KARKAT: YOUR CALLOUS AND NONSENSICAL REMARKS ARE DERAILING US FROM THE DELICATE SUBJECT AT HAND.
51334	KARKAT: WHY DON'T YOU BE USEFUL AND SAY SOMETHING REASSURING TO OUR SAD MUTUAL BUDDY, YOU WAILING JET ENGINE OF INFANTILE STULTILOQUENCE??????
51335	DAVE: i dont have much to say about this
51336	DAVE: ive kinda got to recuse myself on the matter
51337	DAVE: im all kinds of on record as being squicked out by the idea of hatelationships
51338	DAVE: so i got no point of reference for gauging when one is fucked up the way thats normal for trolls or if its fucked up cause its actually fucked up and terrible
51339	DAVE: this is like some ex alien boyfriend prime directive shit
51340	DAVE: i cant intervene cause i dont know what im talking about
51341	DAVE: but you do so i guess keep going
51342	DAVE: you were saying some pretty good stuff before i started riding your jock about chairs
51343	KARKAT: AUGH.
51344	KARKAT: TEREZI, DO YOU SEE? DO YOU SEE WHAT I HAVE TO DEAL WITH??
51345	KARKAT: ACTUALLY, I GUESS YOU CAN! YOU CAN NOW LITERALLY SEE WHAT I HAVE TO DEAL WITH, AND EXPERIENCE ALL DUE EMPATHY FOR THE FACT THAT I HAVE A DOUCHE AS A BEST FRIEND!
51346	TEREZI: Y3S, 1 C4N S33
51347	TEREZI: TH3 V13W FROM H3R3 1S
51348	TEREZI: DOUCH3T4CUL4R >:]
51349	DAVE: thank you
51350	KARKAT: SO THAT'S IT THEN
51351	KARKAT: NO ADVICE AT ALL, SMARTALEC?
51352	KARKAT: WHY DID I EVEN BRING YOU HERE FOR THIS INTERMISSION THEN.
51353	DAVE: intermission?
51354	KARKAT: INTERVENTION I MEAN. SORRY, I MISSPOKE.
51355	DAVE: its not an intervention either
51356	DAVE: my ghostly heads all beamin out of this crab for moral support yo
51357	DAVE: i am in my homies corner even if he is a massive socialist
51358	DAVE: terezi i think can probably figure this out
51359	DAVE: she grew up alone and blind in a forest i think she will manage to bounce outta her juggalo phase
51360	DAVE: but yeah terezi you should at least quit the fuckin soda
51361	TEREZI: Y34H
51362	TEREZI: OK
51363	KARKAT: OK???
51364	TEREZI: Y3S!
51365	TEREZI: 1LL STOP
51366	KARKAT: WHAT. JUST LIKE THAT?!
51367	TEREZI: SUR3
51368	TEREZI: 1TS R34LLY GROSS >X[
51369	KARKAT: I THINK WE ARE MISSING THE POINT HERE.
51370	KARKAT: THIS ISN'T JUST ABOUT AN UNHEALTHY OBSESSION WITH A FOUL SOFT DRINK.
51371	KARKAT: IT'S ABOUT HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT YOURSELF.
51372	KARKAT: YOU ARE BARELY FUNCTIONAL RIGHT NOW. YOU CAN'T EVEN PICK YOURSELF UP OFF THE FLOOR AND PUT ON A PAIR OF PANTS.
51373	KARKAT: REMEMBER PANTS TEREZI?? YOU USED TO LOVE PANTS!
51374	TEREZI: Y34H, P4NTS 4R3 PR3TTY GR34T
51375	KARKAT: YOU USED TO...
51376	KARKAT: YOU USED TO BE A LOT OF THINGS. AND ALL OF THOSE WERE GOOD THINGS.
51377	KARKAT: BUT NOW THAT WE'RE ABOUT TO ARRIVE, RIGHT WHEN WE NEED YOU THE MOST, YOU DO A SENSATIONAL BELLYFLOP INTO A CIRCUS VAT OF YOUR OWN TANGY SLOBBER.
51378	TEREZI: OH PL34S3
51379	TEREZI: WH4T COULD YOU POSS1BLY N33D M3 FOR?
51380	KARKAT: YOU'RE AN IMPORTANT MEMBER OF THIS PARTY!
51381	KARKAT: WE'LL NEED YOU TO HELP STAND UP TO JACK, AND WHATEVER ELSE IS WAITING FOR US THERE.
51382	TEREZI: 1 DONT TH1NK 1 W1LL B3 V3RY US3FUL
51383	KARKAT: WELL, NOT LIKE THIS YOU WON'T. YOU'VE GOT TO GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER.
51384	TEREZI: NO! 1 M34N
51385	TEREZI: 3V3N TH3N 1 WONT B3
51386	TEREZI: 1 DONT H4V3 MUCH TO OFF3R 3V3N ON MY B3ST D4Y
51387	KARKAT: WHAT ABOUT YOUR MIND POWERS THOUGH!
51388	KARKAT: WHAT IF WE NEED SOMEBODY WITH MIND POWERS? TO DO SOME SORT OF...
51389	KARKAT: MINDY THING.
51390	TEREZI: WH4T M1ND POW3RS??
51391	KARKAT: YOU KNOW. THE ONES WHERE YOU...
51392	KARKAT: FLIP A COIN. AND...
51393	KARKAT: SOMETHING CRAZY HAPPENS.
51394	KARKAT: OK, I DON'T ACTUALLY KNOW HOW IT WORKS. BUT WHAT ABOUT THAT?
51395	TEREZI: PFFF
51396	TEREZI: 1 N3V3R D3V3LOP3D THOS3 POW3RS V3RY W3LL
51397	TEREZI: 4ND 1TS B33N 4 LONG T1M3 S1NC3 1 3V3N THOUGHT 4BOUT TH3M
51398	TEREZI: 1 DONT TH1NK TH3YR3 V3RY V4LU4BL3 HON3STLY
51399	TEREZI: 1N F4CT 4LL TH3Y 3V3R S33M3D TO DO W4S TR1CK M3 1NTO F33L1NG L1K3 1 KN3W WH4T 1 W4S DO1NG
51400	TEREZI: TH3Y 4CTU4LLY M4D3 M3 B3L13V3 1 W4S 1N CONTROL OF OTH3R P3OPL3S F4T3S
51401	TEREZI: NOT 3V3N TO SP34K OF MY OWN
51402	TEREZI: 1T W4S 4 R34LLY D4NG3ROUS K1ND OF D3LUS1ON
51403	TEREZI: 4ND NOW 1T F33LS L1K3 TH3 ONLY "H3RO1C" TH1NG 1 3V3R D1D W1TH THOS3 POW3RS
51404	TEREZI: W4S US3 TH3M TO JUST1FY K1LL1NG MY FR13ND
51405	KARKAT: HUH?
51406	TEREZI: ...
51407	KARKAT: OH.
51408	KARKAT: RIGHT.
51409	TEREZI: 4ND WH4TS WORS3 1S
51410	TEREZI: TO TH1S D4Y, 1M ST1LL NOT 3V3N TOT4LLY SUR3 1F 1T W4S N3C3SS4RY
51411	TEREZI: 1 TH1NK 1V3 LOST TH3 4B1L1TY TO T3LL 1F 1M B31NG PUN1SH3D FOR WH4T 1 D1D, OR 1F 1 4M PUN1SH1NG MYS3LF
51412	KARKAT: WELL, YEAH. OF COURSE IT WAS NECESSARY.
51413	KARKAT: EVEN IF IT WASN'T THE MORALLY RIGHT CHOICE OR WHATEVER, IT WAS OBVIOUSLY SOMETHING THAT HAD TO HAPPEN.
51414	KARKAT: THAT'S THE CRUEL THING ABOUT PARADOX SPACE. IT SYSTEMICALLY VALIDATES ALL YOUR MISTAKES AS NECESSARY OUTCOMES.
51415	KARKAT: NOT EVEN NECESSARY FOR YOUR OWN GOOD OR PERSONAL GROWTH. IT'S ALWAYS BIGGER THAN YOU. LIKE YOUR ERRORS IN JUDGMENT ARE INSEPARABLE FROM THE WAY REALITY HAS TO UNFOLD.
51416	KARKAT: SO IT NEVER LETS YOU FORGET ABOUT THEM. BECAUSE THEY WERE ALL CRITICAL TO THE BIG PICTURE, AND ALL YOUR PAST FLAWS ARE LIKE...
51417	KARKAT: SCARS.
51418	KARKAT: SCARS IN SPACETIME THAT NEVER HEAL, AND ALWAYS SERVE TO REMIND YOU THAT THE PERFECT VERSION OF YOURSELF YOU WISH YOU COULD BE CAN NEVER EXIST. BECAUSE THE SURVIVAL OF EVERYONE YOU CARE ABOUT DEPENDS ON HIM NOT EXISTING.
51419	TEREZI: 1 KNOW 4LL TH4T
51420	TEREZI: 1T DO3SNT STOP M3 FROM WOND3R1NG
51421	KARKAT: IT'S SIMPLE. IF YOU HADN'T KILLED HER, YOU WOULD HAVE WITHERED AWAY IN A DOOMED TIMELINE.
51422	TEREZI: Y34H! 4ND SOM3T1M3S 1 W1SH 1 H4D!
51423	TEREZI: 4T TH1S PO1NT 1 TH1NK 1 WOULD R4TH3R B3 TH3 B3TT3R P3RSON WHO M4D3 TH3 R1GHT D3C1S1ON
51424	TEREZI: 3V3N 1F 1T 4LSO M34NT B31NG TH3 ON3 TO F4D3 4W4Y FOR3V3R
51425	KARKAT: WELL, *I* WOULDN'T WANT THAT!
51426	KARKAT: DOES THAT FUCKING MATTER TO YOU?
51427	KARKAT: DOES THAT FACTOR ANYWHERE INTO YOUR DREARY EXISTENTIAL EQUATION???
51428	TEREZI: YOU PROB4BLY TH1NK 1M CR4ZY
51429	TEREZI: JUST 4S CR4ZY 4S YOU TH1NK 1 4M FOR D4T1NG G4MZ33
51430	TEREZI: BUT
51431	TEREZI: 1 R34LLY M1SS H3R
51432	KARKAT: NO
51433	KARKAT: I DON'T THINK YOU'RE CRAZY FOR THAT.
51434	TEREZI: 4ND Y3T
51435	TEREZI: 1F 1 3V3R S4W H3R 4G41N
51436	TEREZI: TH3R3S NO W4Y 1 COULD T4LK TO H3R
51437	TEREZI: SO P4RT OF M3 HOP3S 1 N3V3R-
51438	TEREZI: OW!!!!!!!
51439	TEREZI: D4V3, YOU D1CK!!!
51440	DAVE: what
51441	DAVE: dont blame me
51442	DAVE: i cant control the crab
51443	WAIT. WHY DID THAT PLANET GIVE ME TWO ELVES.
51444	You're calling them elves now?
51445	YES.
51446	But they're leprechauns!
51447	Or gnomes, according to some baloneyscholars.
51448	THEY CAN NOW BE ADDITIONALLY REFERRED TO AS ELVES. I HAVE DECIDED.
51449	Whatever.
51450	WHY ARE THERE TWO.
51451	Because of the two for one deal.
51452	You sunk the 7th planet on the break. So when you destroyed the 6th planet, you unlocked both the 6th and 7th elf.
51453	Now you're on the 8th planet. This one doesn't give you an elf.
51454	IT DOESN'T.
51455	No.
51456	WHAT ABOUT A GNOME.
51457	No.
51458	WHAT ABOUT A LEPRECHAUN.
51459	No.
51460	You get nothing.
51461	WHY NOT.
51462	Because you're supposed to skip this one and destroy it last.
51463	You're just wasting time hanging around here. The clock is ticking.
51464	ALRIGHT.
51465	BUT FIRST. I WANT TO GET THEIR POWERS STRAIGHT.
51466	AM I CORRECT IN ASSUMING. THEIR POWERS KEEP GETTING MORE USELESS?
51467	Yes.
51468	JUST AS I SUSPECTED.
51469	I DON'T EVEN CARE ANYMORE. I JUST WANT TO KNOW.
51470	SO ORANGE HAT. WE HAVE ESTABLISHED. JUST WALKS AHEAD OF ME ALL THE TIME.
51471	NO MATTER HOW FAR OFF HE WANDERS. AND GETS LOST. I ALWAYS SEEM TO CATCH UP WITH HIM.
51472	Yes.
51473	AND GREEN HAT.
51474	HE JUST HAS A DOLL. WITH PINS IN IT.
51475	Yes.
51476	WHAT'S UP WITH THAT.
51477	He has a doll with pins in it.
51478	AND??
51479	Every time you get a new elf, he'll take another pin out.
51480	That's all I will tell you.
51481	OK. GOT IT. IT'S POINTLESS. MOVING ON.
51482	MAROON HAT.
51483	I CAN'T TELL WHAT HIS POWER IS.
51484	WHAT IS HIS POWER.
51485	He doesn't have a power.
51486	ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME.
51487	No.
51488	THAT'S A NEW LOW. EVEN FOR THESE SHIT HEADS.
51489	But maroon hat is pretty smart!
51490	You can use him as a higher ranking henchman or something.
51491	BEING SMART ISN'T A POWER.
51492	PLUS. I DOUBT IT. HOW SMART CAN ONE OF THESE IMBECILES BE.
51493	You should talk to him and find out.
51494	NO.
51495	Come on.
51496	Just a little friendly chat.
51497	FINE.
51498	I WILL HAVE A WORD WITH HIM. VERY BRIEFLY.
51499	Ok.
51500	...
51501	Hey.
51502	Are you still talking to him?
51503	Wow, you guys are really going at it there.
51504	What the fuck could you be talking about for so long?
51505	This is getting ridiculous.
51506	The timer on the next cueball bomb is ticking away.
51507	OK. I'M BACK.
51508	And?
51509	MAROON HAT IS HIGHLY INTELLIGENT AND PERSONABLE.
51510	I HAVE DECIDED HE IS MY FAVORITE GUY SO FAR.
51511	See? I told you.
51512	I WILL GIVE HIM SOME IMPORTANT RESPONSIBILITIES LATER.
51513	BUT I HAVE NOT DECIDED WHAT.
51514	Maybe he can hold on to something important for you.
51515	GOOD IDEA.
51516	LIKE WHAT?
51517	OH, I KNOW. MY CALTOP.
51518	No not the caltop. That's dumb.
51519	MY GUN?
51520	No.
51521	OH! MY CANDY.
51522	No you idiot!
51523	FUCK YOU. IF YOU HAVE AN IDEA. THEN JUST TELL ME WHAT IT IS. PUZZLEMAN.
51524	Look at the color of his hat. What else do you have that's that color?
51525	UHH.
51526	Also, what object can you think of that's kinda shaped like a 7?
51527	HMM.
51528	OH!!!
51529	OHHHHHHHHHHH.
51530	OF COURSE.
51531	A BOOMERANG!
51532	Ok, I give up.
51533	I WILL MAKE A MENTAL NOTE TO SECURE A BOOMERANG IN THE FUTURE.
51534	YES. IT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE. TO BE A BOOMERANG. THEMATICALLY.
51535	BECAUSE IT ALWAYS COMES BACK AROUND. IN ONE BIG CIRCLE. LIKE ALL THE TIME SHIT. I'M SUPPOSED TO BE ABOUT!
51536	...
51537	OK. LAST QUESTION.
51538	WHY IS PURPLE HAT. CONSTANTLY DANCING IN MY PRESENCE?
51539	Yeah.
51540	I guess in retrospect, purple hat has always been pretty flirtatious, hasn't he?
51541	WHAT?!
51542	Maybe you should try to be open minded though.
51543	Have you ever considered a <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/star-heart-horseshoe.png" border="0" /> relationship with someone?
51544	Maybe you will discover you have never truly experienced joy until you have been in <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/star-heart-horseshoe.png" border="0" /> with a dancing elf.
51545	VRISKA: Hey guys! Stop dragging your feet 8ack there! You're falling so far 8ehind, you're starting to look tiny and ridiculous from here.
51546	VRISKA: The treasure should 8e 8uried just up ahead. Let's pick up the pace!
51547	SOLLUX: excuse me, s0me 0f us here have special needs. i think i will c0ntinue dragging my feet if y0u d0n't mind.
51548	VRISKA: Sollux, will you just let Aranea heal your eyes already and catch the fuck up?
51549	SOLLUX: N0!!!!!!!!!!
51550	JOHN: hey.
51551	JOHN: aradia, was it?
51552	ARADIA: yes
51553	JOHN: can i ask you something?
51554	ARADIA: ok
51555	JOHN: you seem reasonable, and pretty nice.
51556	ARADIA: :)
51557	JOHN: so i'm wondering.
51558	JOHN: how do you feel about all this?
51559	ARADIA: about what exactly
51560	JOHN: about what vriska and her pirate buddies are doing.
51561	ARADIA: you mean searching for the weapon?
51562	ARADIA: i think its a good idea
51563	JOHN: no, i know.
51564	JOHN: of course it would be great to have an awesome secret weapon, whatever it is.
51565	JOHN: i mean...
51566	JOHN: how do you feel about the way they've been searching for it?
51567	JOHN: by using all your ghost clone friends as bait.
51568	JOHN: and getting the bad guy to blow them all up to reveal the way to the treasure?
51569	ARADIA: thats probably the only way to find it
51570	ARADIA: in my experience the specific path you travel out here is very important
51571	ARADIA: if we did not trace that exact path in that amount of time i doubt we ever would have found the right location
51572	ARADIA: in fact it may never have been found by anyone
51573	JOHN: ok, yes.
51574	JOHN: let's assume it was the only way to find it. granted.
51575	JOHN: but i mean, does that really make it the right way to beat him?
51576	ARADIA: i couldnt say
51577	JOHN: well, how do you feel about it?
51578	JOHN: most of the other pirates seem cool with it, so i'm wondering if you feel differently.
51579	ARADIA: its probably necessary
51580	ARADIA: and they would have embarked on this voyage whether i had come along or not
51581	ARADIA: so i might as well join the fun!
51582	ARADIA: isnt that what you did when you saw our ship?
51583	JOHN: um...
51584	JOHN: sort of.
51585	JOHN: but i didn't know what you were all doing yet.
51586	ARADIA: yes but once you found out you continued journeying with us
51587	JOHN: yeah, but...
51588	JOHN: i'm just hanging out here cause i'm asleep! what else was i going to do?
51589	ARADIA: exactly!
51590	ARADIA: i dont necessarily share their point of view on the meaning of this endeavor though
51591	ARADIA: they consider this to be a great clash between good and evil
51592	ARADIA: but i prefer to look at the coming battle as a matter of housekeeping
51593	ARADIA: in the end all loops must be tidied up
51594	ARADIA: even his
51595	JOHN: ok, but what about your friends!
51596	JOHN: don't you care about them?
51597	ARADIA: of course i do!
51598	ARADIA: i love all my friends
51599	JOHN: then why do you seem so...
51600	JOHN: cheerful?
51601	JOHN: when so many of them are getting zapped by lasers.
51602	ARADIA: do i seem cheerful about that
51603	JOHN: kinda!
51604	ARADIA: i apologize if that is the way i am behaving
51605	ARADIA: it is not true though
51606	ARADIA: i think i look at death differently than most
51607	ARADIA: and it is fair to say this attitude extends to death after death as well
51608	ARADIA: i have learned to be at ease with the cessation of being in any form it takes
51609	ARADIA: but i am not nor will i ever be the monsters handmaid
51610	ARADIA: so please believe that i would never take joy from the destruction of any soul
51611	ARADIA: however you must realize that it is only by the grace of the horrorterrors that so many have been allowed to continue existing for so long
51612	ARADIA: they have persisted for ages beyond their time just as he has
51613	ARADIA: as such it seems to me his rampage is just another kind of housekeeping
51614	ARADIA: while he rounds the ring undoing the work of the gods we must prepare for his undoing as well
51615	ARADIA: to ready the manor for the lords arrival so to speak :)
51616	JOHN: ...
51617	JOHN: i'm sorry, maybe i spaced out through some of that.
51618	JOHN: but i'm still not sure what you're talking about.
51619	JOHN: maybe you could just simplify it for me.
51620	JOHN: are you a good guy or a bad guy?
51621	ARADIA: i dont like to think of myself in those terms
51622	ARADIA: but i do try to be nice to people!
51623	JOHN: dammit.
51624	JOHN: ok, could you just... maybe...
51625	JOHN: give me an idea of what it is you actually want out of all this?
51626	ARADIA: what i want?
51627	ARADIA: hmmm
51628	ARADIA: thats a pretty good question
51629	ARADIA: i think i mostly want to see what happens when this whole place breaks apart
51630	JOHN: oh my god, you are all so insane!
51631	VRISKA: Are you coming or what!
51632	ARANEA: Yes, please come! I was a8out to 8egin one final story 8efore we reach the treasure!
51633	JOHN: oh holy shit another story? i'm there!!!
51634	JOHN: sorry aradia, i'd love to keep chatting, but you heard the lady. it's story time again.
51635	SOLLUX: w0w aradia, y0u actually sent the guy running t0 hear a serket st0ry.
51636	SOLLUX: that was a REALLY impressive creep 0ut j0b, nice.
51637	ARADIA: :(
51638	ARANEA: Thank you for joining us, John.
51639	ARANEA: Commodore Nepeta and Rear Admiral Feferi have 8oth 8een clamoring for one last tale, and I am not one to disappoint.
51640	FEFERI: 38) NEPETA: :33
51641	MEENAH: (clamoring)
51642	MEENAH: (as in clams text it)
51643	JOHN: ok. what's this one about?
51644	JOHN: ogre sex, or salamander shipping, or something?
51645	ARANEA: Nope! Although I would 8e happy to tell you all a8out those topics another time.
51646	ARANEA: This is a story a8out two legendary rings.
51647	ARANEA: No, not those rings!
51648	ARANEA: The rings I am talking a8out are less powerful, and considera8ly more o8scure.
51649	ARANEA: 8ut for what they lack in power, they make up for in mystery!
51650	ARANEA: Details on the rings are quite hard to come 8y. I have pieced together what little I know from various fa8les and myths.
51651	ARANEA: They occasionally make appearances in such stories, serving different purposes in each tale, and always called 8y different names.
51652	ARANEA: 8ut in this story, they will 8e known as the Rings of Life and Void.
51653	ARANEA: The rings are said to look nearly identical.
51654	ARANEA: 8ut their powers are quite different, as are their origins.
51655	ARANEA: The Ring of Void supposedly once 8elonged to the 8lack queen of a void session.
51656	ARANEA: 8ut one day it was stolen from her 8y a thief. And then stolen again from the thief 8y a rogue.
51657	ARANEA: Legend would suggest it changed hands like this for a long time thereafter, until finally vanishing into the void itself forever.
51658	ARANEA: Which is fitting, as the ring grants its wearer the a8ility to do exactly the same!
51659	ARANEA: The Ring of Life has a very different story.
51660	ARANEA: I have found no reports of an origin to this ring at all. Like many magic artifacts, it may not even have one which is comprehensi8le.
51661	ARANEA: Earliest reports I have read would suggest it was first discovered 8y some travelers in a desert, and like its sister ring, has changed hands repeatedly since.
51662	ARANEA: This ring however has a dramatically different effect. Instead of releg8ting the wearer to o8scurity and immateriality, it does just the opposite.
51663	ARANEA: It is said that any ghost who wears this ring will come 8ack to life!
51664	ARANEA: In some stories, the f8 of each ring appears to 8e entangled with the other. When one is lost, the other is serendipitously found.
51665	ARANEA: A gr8 example of this can 8e o8served in the fa8le of-
51666	VRISKA: W8 a minute........
51667	ARANEA: 8ut I was just a8out to tellmph-
51668	VRISKA: Mindfang, I said shut up.
51669	ARANEA: ::::?
51670	VRISKA: W8.
51671	VRISKA: Now w8 just a goddamn minute.
51672	VRISKA: Hoooooooold on.
51673	VRISKA: Are you telling me,
51674	VRISKA: Are you SERIOUSLY telling me,
51675	VRISKA: That ring........
51676	FEFERI: 38? NEPETA: :??
51677	VRISKA: No.
51678	VRISKA: Just........
51679	VRISKA: Noooooooo.
51680	VRISKA: 8ack it up.
51681	VRISKA: For just a silk spinning MINUTE.
51682	JOHN: what's the matter?
51683	VRISKA: THAT FUCKING GUY!!!!!!!!
51684	VRISKA: Are you kidding me.
51685	VRISKA: ARE YOU KIDDING ME.
51686	VRISKA: RAAAAAAAARARRAAUUUUUUUUAAAAUUAGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!
51687	VRISKA: Tavros!!!!!!!!
51688	TAVROS: wHAT,
51689	VRISKA: What did you do with that ring?!
51690	TAVROS: ,,,,,
51691	TAVROS: wHAT RING,
51692	VRISKA: Don't play dum8 with me. That ring you had.
51693	VRISKA: You know, the same one the orange guy tried to give me?
51694	TAVROS: i STILL DON'T KNOW, aBOUT THIS ORANGE GUY YOU MENTION SOMETIMES,
51695	TAVROS: yOU TALK ABOUT ORANGE GUY, bUT, iN REALITY, hE SOUNDS PROBABLY FAKE?
51696	TAVROS: lIKE HOW YOU THOUGHT RUFIOH USED TO BE, uNTIL FACTS PROVED HE WASN'T,
51697	VRISKA: You actually think I'm making this up? Why would I make up a story a8out an orange guy?!
51698	VRISKA: What kind of juvenile fuckup do you take me for????????
51699	VRISKA: The orange guy was real. He was surrounded 8y a 8unch of stupid fucking horses, and he tried to give me a ring so I knocked him out cold.
51700	VRISKA: And then l8ter YOU found it.
51701	TAVROS: nO i DIDN'T,
51702	VRISKA: Yes you did! Don't lie to me.
51703	VRISKA: You had the ring, and you and John were fighting over it 8ehind your 8acks like a couple of idiots for a while.
51704	VRISKA: What, you think I didn't notice?!
51705	TAVROS: yES, nO,
51706	TAVROS: i DIDN'T THINK YOU DID,
51707	VRISKA: Well I did! And I didn't care 8ecause I didn't think the ring did jack shit!
51708	VRISKA: 8ut now that I know it does jack A WHOLE FUCKING LOT, I would like you to stop 8ehaving like a disingenuous, argument8tive ASSH8LE and T8LL ME WHERE IT IS.
51709	TAVROS: i DON'T KNOW WHERE IT IS,
51710	TAVROS: iT'S GONE,
51711	VRISKA: What do you mean it's gone!
51712	TAVROS: i HAD IT, tHEN jOHN HAD IT,
51713	TAVROS: aND i WANTED IT BACK, bUT HE WANTED IT ALSO, sO,
51714	TAVROS: wE ARGUED WITH OUR HANDS OVER IT, uNTIL HE VANISHED,
51715	TAVROS: aND i TRIED TO FIND IT ON THE GROUND, bECAUSE IT WAS PRECIOUS TO ME, fOR A WHILE,
51716	VRISKA: Why was it precious to you?? Are you telling me you knew what it did!
51717	TAVROS: nO, i DIDN'T, i JUST HAD,
51718	TAVROS: sEPARATE REASONS FROM THAT, fOR WANTING IT,
51719	VRISKA: Well whatever lame reason you wanted that ring, forget it. It's o8viously a much more important magical item than either of us gave it credit for.
51720	VRISKA: As soon as we get the treasure out of this cave, you're going to lead us 8ack to wherever you lost it, and we're gonna look for it!
51721	VRISKA: Is that understood, Poopmaster Nitram????????
51722	TAVROS: nO, yES,
51723	TAVROS: i MEAN, yES, i COMPREHEND THE LITERAL MEANING OF YOUR YELLING,
51724	TAVROS: bUT, nO,
51725	VRISKA: What do you mean no? That was an order!
51726	TAVROS: i THINK YOUR MEAN SPIRITED ANGRINESS IS MAKING ME REMEMBER, tO WONDER WHY i KEEP WANTING TO HELP YOU AND LIKE YOU,
51727	TAVROS: aND i THINK IT'S MAKING ME THINK, i DON'T REALLY CARE ANYMORE ABOUT FINDING THE RING, oR FINDING THIS TREASURE,
51728	TAVROS: oR HELP YOU DO ARGUABLY EVIL THINGS TO GHOST FRIENDS, tO GET YOUR OBJECTIVES TO HAPPEN,
51729	VRISKA: Tavros, what exactly are you trying to say?
51730	TAVROS: i THINK, tHE BOTTOM LINE OF THAT, iS,
51731	TAVROS: i DON'T WANT TO BE YOUR POOPMASTER ANYMORE,
51732	TAVROS: sO i'M NOT GOING TO BE,
51733	VRISKA: Where do you think you're going?!
51734	VRISKA: Get 8ack here! You c8n't just fly aw8y from me like th8t!!!!!!!!
51735	TAVROS: oH, bUT i CAN,
51736	TAVROS: yOU FORGOT ABOUT *MYYYY* SECRET WEAPON,
51737	TAVROS: bEHOLD, tHE SELF ESTEEMS!!!,
51738	VRISKA: S8LF ESTEEMS MY 8SS! I SAID G8T 8ACK HERE!!!!!!!!
51739	VRISKA: IF YOU GO OUT THERE AL8NE YOU'RE G8ING TO DIE, Y8U P8THETIC PI8CE OF SHIT!!!!!!!!
51740	TAVROS: i'LL TAKE MY CHANCES, yOU JERK!
51741	TAVROS: (hahA, yeSSsSs,)
51742	TAVROS: fLY, pUPA,
51743	TAVROS: fLYYYYY,
51744	TAVROS: (heheHehE,)
51745	TAVROS: (ehHHehehEheH, oH yEs,)
51746	TAVROS: (heheHEHEHEhehEhEheh, so clEVEr,)
51747	TAVROS: (how i refEreNCed, whaT wEre onCE, scoRNfUl remArKS dIreCtED at me, eheHahAHa!)
51748	TAVROS: (hahAhehE, so sicK! sO sICk!!!!,)
51749	VRISKA: WE CAN ALL HEAR YOU WH8SPERING FROM D8WN HERE SHIT F8R 8RAINS!!!!!!!!
51750	SOLLUX: hey tavr0s, wait up, i think i'm c0ming with y0u.
51751	VRISKA: What?? No, Sollux, w8!
51752	SOLLUX: nah, i've pretty much had it t00.
51753	SOLLUX: i can't believe i went al0ng with this f0r as l0ng as i did, s0 yeah.
51754	SOLLUX: i'll be fucked tw0 ways fr0m perigees eve bef0re i let tavr0s upstage me in the backb0ne department.
51755	SOLLUX: aradia, s0rry, i can't be a part 0f this anym0re, it's just making me feel dirty.
51756	ARADIA: i understand sollux
51757	SOLLUX: let's catch up again later, h0pefully when this is all 0ver.
51758	ARADIA: yeah :D
51759	SOLLUX: 0h, feferi and nepeta will be c0ming with me t00.
51760	VRISKA: WHAT!
51761	VRISKA: No they f8cking won't!!!!!!!!
51762	SOLLUX: yes they will! they just t0ld me.
51763	VRISKA: I d8dn't hear them say shit!
51764	SOLLUX: they b0th gave me meaningful glances!
51765	SOLLUX: like as if t0 say, aw yeah, let's b0unce.
51766	FEFERI: 3;) NEPETA: ;33
51767	VRISKA: YOU'RE BLIND, H8W COULD YOU SEE A "ME8NINGFUL GLANCE"????????
51768	SOLLUX: instead 0f underestimating the perspicacity 0f the sens0ry impaired, why d0n't y0u bite me.
51769	VRISKA: No, they can't go! Commodore Nepeta and Rear Admiral Feferi are 8oth critical mem8ers of my crew!
51770	VRISKA: This is mutiny!!!!!!!!
51771	ARANEA: Vriska, I am on your side here. 8ut I feel I should point out that technically they 8oth outrank you.
51772	VRISKA: Excuse me?!
51773	VRISKA: No they don't! Come on, I just gave them titles that sounded cool!
51774	VRISKA: How can you outrank a captain????????
51775	ARANEA: 8y 8eing a commodore?
51776	VRISKA: A commodore outranks a captain?!
51777	MEENAH: yea fraid so
51778	ARANEA: Yes, and a rear admiral outranks a commodore.
51779	VRISKA: No, 8ut!
51780	VRISKA: I thought a rear admiral was like...
51781	VRISKA: Some sort of JOKE rank!
51782	VRISKA: Who can take a rear admiral seriously? It might as well 8e a poopmaster!
51783	MEENAH: um no serk its actually a real thing
51784	MEENAH: god damn for a pirate you really know fuckall about nautical junk
51785	MEENAH: pretty embarrassing tbh
51786	SOLLUX: yeah, this stuff is all super interesting. j/k, l0sers.
51787	SOLLUX: anyway, we're 0ut.
51788	SOLLUX: LADIES.
51789	VRISKA: GOOD RIDD8NCE YOU 8ACKSTA88ING INGR8TES!
51790	VRISKA: I HOPE LORD ENGLISH E8TS YOU 8LL!!!!!!!!
51791	JOHN: hey, vriska.
51792	VRISKA: WH8T!
51793	JOHN: actually...
51794	JOHN: you know that ring?
51795	VRISKA: What a8out it!
51796	JOHN: i have it now.
51797	VRISKA: You do??
51798	VRISKA: Where! Let me see!!
51799	JOHN: no, i mean, not on me.
51800	JOHN: i guess i wasn't wearing it when i fell asleep.
51801	JOHN: it seems to have the power to come with me in and out of my dreams, as long as i'm wearing it.
51802	JOHN: that's how i got it in the first place. i had it on when i woke up.
51803	VRISKA: You were wearing it??
51804	VRISKA: Why? And why were you playing keepaway with it in the first place!
51805	VRISKA: I mean, aside from the o8vious fact that messing with Tavros is its own hilarious reward.
51806	JOHN: i don't know.
51807	JOHN: i guess...
51808	JOHN: i liked it, and i just wanted to hang on to it for some reason.
51809	JOHN: but i didn't know i would wake up with it.
51810	VRISKA: This is perfect!
51811	VRISKA: That means all you have to do is put it on when you wake up, then come find me the next time you go to sleep!
51812	JOHN: yeah...
51813	JOHN: maybe.
51814	VRISKA: May8e?
51815	JOHN: i'll think about it.
51816	VRISKA: You'll THINK a8out it??
51817	JOHN: well, yeah.
51818	JOHN: it sounds like an important item, so deciding what to do with it is kind of a big responsibility.
51819	JOHN: it's supposed to bring ghosts back to life, but we don't know how it works.
51820	JOHN: what if it only keeps you alive as long as you're wearing it?
51821	JOHN: that would mean only one ghost could come back.
51822	VRISKA: Right! All the 8etter reason to let me use it!
51823	JOHN: but there are a lot of ghosts!
51824	JOHN: i'm just not sure what to do yet.
51825	VRISKA: W8. You're not ACTUALLY thinking of giving it to someone else, are you?
51826	VRISKA: That's my ring! The orange guy gave it to ME!
51827	JOHN: yeah, well frankly, i don't give a shit about the orange guy!
51828	JOHN: the ring is mine for now, so i'm the one who has to figure out what to do with it.
51829	JOHN: speaking of waking up, it's probably time i got going too.
51830	JOHN: i'm not trying to join the mutiny or anything, but i do have friends waiting for me out there.
51831	VRISKA: John, w8!
51832	VRISKA: I hope we're not parting on 8ad terms here.
51833	VRISKA: You aren't holding all this treasure hunting shit against me like Tavros is, right?
51834	VRISKA: We're still cool, right John?
51835	JOHN: uh...
51836	VRISKA: If you have to leave, I get that, 8ut I really want us to stay friends!
51837	VRISKA: I always felt like we had a special 8ond, John. Like we're 8oth always in the position of having to take charge as leaders, even if we never asked for that responsi8ility.
51838	VRISKA: And I don't wanna pressure you into anything, 8ut I would really appreci8 it if you'd at least think a8out me next time you take a nap with that ring on!
51839	JOHN: it's fine. we can stay friends.
51840	JOHN: i don't really like to make enemies with people, even if they're...
51841	VRISKA: Even if they're what?
51842	JOHN: umm.
51843	JOHN: vriska, i have to be honest. years ago when we first talked, it was a lot of fun to get to know you.
51844	JOHN: and i admit i thought about you a lot since then.
51845	JOHN: but i guess i never quite realized how little i actually understood you.
51846	JOHN: during this crazy treasure quest, i tried to reserve judgment, like maybe it was just a troll thing i didn't get.
51847	JOHN: but seeing how those other guys felt about it, i think it's more complicated than that.
51848	JOHN: obviously not all trolls are like you.
51849	JOHN: and i know i'm not.
51850	JOHN: maybe this was all for a good cause, but it still felt like a pretty fucked up way to go about it.
51851	JOHN: and...
51852	JOHN: all i'm saying is, i'm ready to go. i've seen enough, and i miss my friends.
51853	JOHN: i'll think about what to do with the ring, but honestly...
51854	VRISKA: Honestly what?
51855	JOHN: again, i am just keeping it real!
51856	JOHN: but if i am really thinking hard about who i should bring back to life...
51857	JOHN: i dunno if my conscience can justify bringing back someone so...
51858	JOHN: dangerous.
51859	VRISKA: Fine.
51860	VRISKA: Don't give me the ring then.
51861	VRISKA: Actually, you know what? Even if you change your mind some day, forget it!
51862	VRISKA: I don't even want it anymore.
51863	JOHN: you don't?
51864	VRISKA: No.
51865	VRISKA: I've 8een dead this long. What's a little longer.
51866	VRISKA: Keep your ring. I don't want anyone's pity.
51867	VRISKA: So 8eat it, Eg8ert.
51868	JOHN: ...
51869	VRISKA: ........
51870	VRISKA: WELL????????
51871	JOHN: huh?
51872	VRISKA: JOHN, I THOUGHT YOU WERE LEAVING.
51873	JOHN: oh. right.
51874	JOHN: i guess i'll just be...
51875	VRISKA: WHAT ARE YOU A FUCKING IDIOT?! DON'T GO YET.
51876	JOHN: wh...
51877	JOHN: what?
51878	VRISKA: Look, you made yourself perfectly clear. You think I'm a heartless monster, and you don't want to help me out.
51879	VRISKA: Whatever!
51880	VRISKA: 8ut are you SERIOUSLY going to check out of this dream like TWO MINUTES 8efore you see what the treasure is?!
51881	VRISKA: Holy crap, dude. Where is your sense of curiosity????????
51882	VRISKA: If I can manage to put up with you for a little longer, I think you can stand my morally 8ankrupt company long enough to find out what this thing is.
51883	VRISKA: Why am I the only person in paradox space who actually THINKS!
51884	JOHN: oh.
51885	JOHN: sure.
51886	JOHN: i guess i'll go a little further and check out the treasure.
51887	JOHN: heh, you're right. it would be dumb not to.
51888	VRISKA: Good.
51889	VRISKA: Party's over, folks.
51890	VRISKA: The pir8 playtime wiggler jam8oree was fun while it lasted.
51891	VRISKA: 8ut it's time to get serious.
51892	VRISKA: The treasure's down there.
51893	VRISKA: If my guess is right, it should 8e 8uried in one of his ancient memories.
51894	VRISKA: 8y now we've all 8een wind8agged to hell and 8ack 8y my dear ancestor.
51895	VRISKA: So I'll trust no8ody's gonna mind indulging one of MY stories.
51896	VRISKA: There was a pretty good yarn a8out this treasure I read once during our travels.
51897	VRISKA: Found it in some damn memory, who knows whose.
51898	VRISKA: It was a good read. IMPECCA8LE prose. Failing to do it justice would be the real matter of gray morality here, if you ask me.
51899	VRISKA: 8ut right now I 8n't in the mood to figure out how not to make it fucking suck.
51900	VRISKA: So I'll just say this.
51901	VRISKA: It was supposedly a weapon that once 8elonged to him.
51902	VRISKA: 8ut he could never use it without altering its nature.
51903	VRISKA: Meaning he could only use it once.
51904	VRISKA: So he did.
51905	VRISKA: After that, it could only 8e used again one more time.
51906	VRISKA: And only as a weapon against him.
51907	VRISKA: Knowing it was one of the keys to his defeat, he had it locked away deep in the void.
51908	VRISKA: That's it. Part one of my story. Hold your applause.
51909	VRISKA: Guess we'll find out if that's true.
51910	VRISKA: Or if it turns out all my despica8le shit was in vain.
51911	VRISKA: Not that it would even matter to some people.
51912	VRISKA: You know, they can say whatever they want a8out me.
51913	VRISKA: 8ut somewhere out there is a shimmering new universe growing in a 8ig 8all of water.
51914	VRISKA: He's looking hells of majestic. Amphi8ious and resplendent. His glorious croak would 8ring you to your knees.
51915	VRISKA: That universe is going to give life to 8illions of trillions of zillions of cute little aliens.
51916	VRISKA: You wouldn't even 8elieve how pretty and wonderful and happy all these aliens will 8e. It's making your lip trem8le just thinking a8out them, and how worth saving they are. Wow.
51917	VRISKA: You could walk up to one of those aliens and put your hand on its innocent shoulder, and with a str8 face you could say, "Sorry to 8r8k it to you. 8ut tomorrow, a guy named Lord English is going to destroy your universe. You are all going to die."
51918	VRISKA: And when that alien looks up at you with tears in its eyes, just 8efore the first one rolls down its weird alien cheek, you lean in close to its a8surd alien ear and whisper, "Psyche."
51919	VRISKA: That's 8ecause you know a long time ago, in an o8scure pocket of reality the alien could never understand or give a shit a8out, some crazy girl sacrificed the "lives" of a 8unch ghosts in order to kill that guy forever.
51920	VRISKA: They were already a million sweeps past their prime, existing on 8orrowed time, luxuri8ting in a kind of 8izarre metaphysical longevity few others will ever enjoy.
51921	VRISKA: Just a fresh 8atch of 88 the squid gods kept on ice for an ins8tia8le fisherman cause they were sick of 8eing hunted themselves.
51922	VRISKA: Those ghosts were all that stood in the way of an end to this eternal holocaust, and sparing their souls 8n't different in my view from personally committing atrocities on a cosmic fucking scale.
51923	VRISKA: I only ever wanted to do the right thing no matter how it made people judge me, and I don't need a magic ring to do that.
51924	VRISKA: You don't have to 8e alive to make yourself relevant.
51925	VRISKA: And you don't have to 8e a good person to 8e a hero.
51926	VRISKA: You just have to know who you are and stay true to that.
51927	VRISKA: So I'm going to keep fighting for people the only way I ever knew how.
51928	VRISKA: 8y 8eing me.
51929	KANAYA: ...
51930	KANAYA: ...
51931	KANAYA: ...
51932	KANAYA: ...
51933	KANAYA: ...
51934	KANAYA: Rose You Are Willfully Ignoring My Trail Of Finish Crumbs
51935	ROSE: Humm?
51936	KANAYA: I Said Them Quietly In Sequence To Convey One Of Your Human Pregnant Pauses Before Speaking
51937	ROSE: Ahaha.
51938	KANAYA: The Pause Was Human Expecting In The Same Sense That I Am Expecting An Explanation For Your Present Conduct
51939	KANAYA: We Were To Meet The Others On The Roof By Now
51940	ROSE: Kanaya, whas with this pregnancy shHIC! shit, are you trying to toll me something? ;)
51941	KANAYA: Im Trying To Toll... To Tell You That We Are On The Verge Of Reaching Our Destination And Here I Find You Doing
51942	KANAYA: What Are You Doing Exactly
51943	ROSE: My civic dutie. ;)
51944	ROSE: I have been desputized by the Mayor as the assasstant chief deputy of city plannning and preshervation.
51945	KANAYA: What
51946	ROSE: Kanya, I' am relaly SWAMPED in red tape here, do you think you coult please return whan I am no so busy, thanks!
51947	KANAYA: !
51948	ROSE: Either that, or file out a requisition form wish the zoning bureau.
51949	KANAYA: You Have Been Drinking Your Soporifics In Excess Again
51950	KANAYA: Rose This Is Terrible
51951	ROSE: No, what would be terribule would be to bid farewell to this metreor before my critical adminitistrative work is complete.
51952	KANAYA: No But
51953	KANAYA: Really What Are You Doing Here In The Tiny Simulated Village
51954	KANAYA: Are You
51955	KANAYA: Are You Writing Numbers On All Of These Nutrition Cylinders
51956	ROSE: *LAFF.*
51957	ROSE: God I just love troll words for things!
51958	KANAYA: Yes
51959	KANAYA: You Have Mentioned This
51960	ROSE: Nushrition cylinders, thad's a good one. I forgot about that one.
51961	ROSE: Maybe cylanders ins't stilted enough, though. What about.,.
51962	ROSE: Tallcircles.
51963	KANAYA: Tallcircles
51964	ROSE: ;D
51965	KANAYA: Tallcircles No That Sucks
51966	KANAYA: Answer My Question Please Why Are You Numbering The Tallcirc...
51967	KANAYA: CANS
51968	ROSE: I am docurmenting their original locations.
51969	ROSE: Soo that we way relocate the city faithfully to our new home.
51970	ROSE: Wheyrever that may be!
51971	KANAYA: You Want To Relocate The City
51972	KANAYA: Now??
51973	KANAYA: This Is Such A Foolish Use Of Your Time
51974	ROSE: Oh,, but you could not be further fromp the truth.
51975	ROSE: The prestervation of Can Town has trenendous symbolic importance.
51976	ROSE: We are ahll that's left of our respective races, Kanaye.
51977	ROSE: We are the light of civivization!
51978	ROSE: Is our responsipility to carry the torch through the abyss whilest keeping it lit, and hic...
51979	ROSE: And set it pupon the harth of the newd world.
51980	KANAYA: I Think The Torch Is Not All You Have Managed To Keep Lit
51981	ROSE: Its light... OUUR light will spread throughout our creation, but only, Kayaka, ONLY,
51982	ROSE: If we respect the light of civilazation itself. If we respect the light of DEMCOCRACY!!
51983	KANAYA: ......
51984	KANAYA: So Many Finish Crumbs Up In Here
51985	ROSE: Civilitey/ Liberby. Reason. Efidication. Civilty.
51986	ROSE: Rationality. Learning, Jutstice. Libersty. Hornor. Elucidution.. Civlity. Raison...
51987	ROSE: This are the virshues which emboby the magnificence that is Can Town.
51988	KANAYA: You Said Some Of Those Words Two Or Three Times And Most Of Them Werent Words
51989	ROSE: Pfhaha! I just got it!
51990	ROSE: "That'sh not all you managed to keep lit."
51991	ROSE: That burn was siiiiiick! Hah,ahah I love it.
51992	KANAYA: I Do Not Believe This
51993	KANAYA: You Promised Me You Would Be Ready For Our Arrival
51994	ROSE: I am ready!
51995	ROSE: My god robe's on n evrything.
51996	KANAYA: This Is Not Ready!
51997	KANAYA: When I Said Ready I Believe Your Sobriety Was More Than Implied As The Operative Criterion
51998	ROSE: Mehehe, Kanasta,
51999	ROSE: U so
52000	ROSE: Wordy. ;)
52001	KANAYA: Ugh!
52002	KANAYA: I Have Been As Polite As I Can Be But Honestly Your Demeanor Is Not Nearly As Charming As You Appear To Believe When You Have Consumed A Lot Of That Liquid
52003	KANAYA: You Have Assured Me That Chronic And Habitual Exploitation Of This Substance Is "Not A Problem" For Your People But At This Point I Must Conclude That You Were Just Lying!
52004	KANAYA: Why
52005	KANAYA: Why Did You Do This Just Before Our Arrival When You Told Me You Wouldnt!!!
52006	ROSE: Well.
52007	ROSE: I wasnt' going to.
52008	ROSE: But I starded to think about evereything.
52009	ROSE: About meeting my mom.
52010	ROSE: And I startled getting nervous.. .
52011	KANAYA: But You Cant Help Us Like This!
52012	KANAYA: We Need You!
52013	KANAYA: Youre The Smartest One On This Meteor!
52014	KANAYA: By Quite A Lot!
52015	ROSE: Hey now.
52016	ROSE: Kapaya, I'm flatter. But I think you're might be selling the Mayor short.
52017	KANAYA: What
52018	ROSE: THIS GUY
52019	ROSE: Lemme tell yuoi.
52020	ROSE: THIS GUYY,
52021	ROSE: is
52022	ROSE: THE BEST ;D
52023	KANAYA: Okay That Was Literally The Most Inebriated Thing You Have Ever Said
52024	ROSE: No but, Karkaya.
52025	ROSE: The Mayor.
52026	ROSE: I'mmm telling you.
52027	ROSE: THE FUCKING MAYOR.
52028	ROSE: Wat ay friend.
52029	KANAYA: You Are Not Actually Suggesting This Simple Creature Dressed In Rags Is Your Intellectual Superior
52030	ROSE: And if I am? ;|
52031	KANAYA: How Would One Even Draw This Conclusion
52032	KANAYA: He Does Not Speak
52033	ROSE: Ohhhhh...
52034	ROSE: He has his ways of letting is thoughts be known.
52035	ROSE: He hays his ways.
52036	KANAYA: He Does Not Have His Ways He Likes Cans And Little Pretend Cities And He Is Rather Adorable And That Is Pretty Much All There Is To Say About The Mayor
52037	KANAYA: Please Do Not Distract From Important Issues With Talk Of Fake Mayors
52038	ROSE: What issues?
52039	ROSE: My indrescretion wich alcoholol?
52040	ROSE: Or someshing else...
52041	ROSE: I yam sensing we are tap toeing around a mixed bag of delicate subjex.
52042	ROSE: Less talk about em ;).
52043	KANAYA: This Is Not A Hypothetical Exercise In Your Earth Psychiatrics!
52044	KANAYA: You Made A Promise To Me And You Did Not Keep It!
52045	KANAYA: Yes You Are Usually Very Smart And We All Need You But More Importantly I Need You!
52046	KANAYA: Dont You Remember!
52047	KANAYA: You Said You Would Help Me Resurrect My Species!
52048	KANAYA: I Still Dont Know How Im Going To Acquire A New Matriorb!
52049	KANAYA: How Are We Supposed To Solve That Problem When Your Think Pan Is Addled So!
52050	ROSE: Kamaya, why do'nt we go aesy on the shout poles.
52051	ROSE: I tolt you, to relax about the matribob.
52052	ROSE: Have some faith in us, that we;re going to make everything work out.
52053	ROSE: I have a vvvery goog feeling i twill all be fine. ;)
52054	KANAYA: That Is Not Reassuring Coming From You Like This!
52055	KANAYA: I Often Cant Tell Even At Your Most Lucid If You Put Too Much Trust In Your Seering Abilities
52056	KANAYA: But When You Say Such Things While Obscured By These Toxins You Sound Outright Delusional!
52057	KANAYA: You Stumble Around This Lab In Such High Spirits Which Makes It Impossible To Broach The Subject From A Standpoint Of Mutual Agreement That Your Behavior Is A Problem!
52058	ROSE: But if I'm always happay then...
52059	ROSE: Why IS it a problem?
52060	KANAYA: ARGH YOU SEE
52061	ROSE: Im'm not following. I would LIKE to, wait am I...
52062	ROSE: Have I been being a bistch to you witout realizing?
52063	ROSE: Oh noh...
52064	KANAYA: No Not Exactly
52065	KANAYA: I Have Already Explained
52066	KANAYA: You Have Severely Hobbled Your Intellect And Your Efficacy
52067	KANAYA: The Objectives You Prioritize Have Become Ridiculous
52068	KANAYA: You Have Just Now Decided To Draw A Map Of A False Metropolis!
52069	KANAYA: Others Have Suffered As Well
52070	KANAYA: What Ever Happened To Your Concern For Terezi And Gamzee
52071	KANAYA: Were All My Lessons In Auspisticism For Nothing??
52072	ROSE: I tried!
52073	ROSE: I tried, Kakaka.
52074	ROSE: But aushitspitschism... or whatever...
52075	ROSE: Is's
52076	ROSE: It sactually REALLY HARD!
52077	KANAYA: I Know Its Hard!
52078	KANAYA: Its Supposed To Be Hard!!
52079	KANAYA: And My Name Is Not Kakaka!!!
52080	ROSE: Whoops I'm sorry, Yakaya..
52081	ROSE: .. Kayolo.
52082	ROSE: ., ...
52083	ROSE: Papaya. Shit!
52084	ROSE: Your name is so lovely, why can't I shay it!
52085	KANAYA: You Cannot Say It!
52086	KANAYA: Because You Are!
52087	KANAYA: HUMAN DRUNK!!!!!!!!!!
52088	ROSE: ... .
52089	ROSE: Yuo're right,
52090	ROSE: My delinqancy has bend inexcusable.
52091	ROSE: If you just help me fishish indexing an gathring up the rest of theze cans, we-
52092	KANAYA: Raaararraauuuaaaauuaghghgghgggghhgh!
52093	ROSE: THE BUBBLES VON SALAMANCER MEMOIRIAL LIBRARAY!!!
52094	ROSE: .. .
52095	ROSE: ...
52096	ROSE: ,,. ..
52097	ROSE: . .
52098	ROSE: ,....
52099	ROSE: Are you going to brek up with me?
52100	KANAYA: NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
52101	I NEED MORE ANSWERS. VERY QUICKLY.
52102	I thought you had given up on getting answers from me.
52103	NO. I JUST HAVE NOT HAD TIME.
52104	THE BOMB COUNTDOWNS ARE GETTING SO SHORT. THIS IS GETTING HARD. IT'S NOT FAIR.
52105	I really don't see how it's any less fair than being allowed to solicit the omniscient narrator of your quest for answers.
52106	Nobody else who plays this game gets to do that. What makes you so special?
52107	BUT YOU'RE THE ONE WHO SAID I WAS SPECIAL.
52108	I shouldn't have said that.
52109	Now you're strutting around, all thinking you're special.
52110	I AM SPECIAL!
52111	I know.
52112	LESS BULLSHIT. MORE ANSWERS.
52113	I HAVE COLLECTED MORE FROG MEN.
52114	WHAT DO THEY DO.
52115	Frog men???
52116	You are getting really esoteric with your headcanons now.
52117	MY WHAT.
52118	And what makes you so sure they are all men?
52119	Have you sexed them?
52120	FUCK YOU. AND YOUR RIBALD INSINUATIONS.
52121	MY RELATIONSHIP WITH THE FROG MEN IS STRICTLY PROFESSIONAL.
52122	No, I mean determined their sex.
52123	Do you even know how?
52124	I DON'T CARE.
52125	THEY'RE ALL MEN. BECAUSE I SAY THEY ARE. AND I WANT THEM TO BE.
52126	IF I BELIEVE HARD ENOUGH IN THEM BEING MEN.
52127	THEN THAT FACT BECOMES ABSOLUTELY INDISPUTABLE AS A PERMANENT MAN REALITY.
52128	It does?
52129	ARE YOU TELLING ME. THAT YOU HAVE REASON TO BELIEVE. THAT MY ENTOURAGE OF DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMEN.
52130	CONSISTS OF ANYTHING OTHER THAN BOYS???
52131	No.
52132	I mean, I don't know.
52133	I'm not there, so I can't sex them to be sure.
52134	YOU FUCKING PERVERT.
52135	That's not what sexing means you little shit!
52136	I'D LIKE TO CHANGE THE TOPIC. AWAY FROM THE LUST YOU ARE FEELING FOR MY HANDSOME FROG MEN.
52137	I HAVE OBTAINED SOME STRIPE HATS.
52138	YELLOW STRIPE HAT. BLUE STRIPE HAT. RED STRIPE HAT.
52139	WHAT DO THEY DO.
52140	Why do you always want me to spoil stuff for you?
52141	Why can't you be at least a little scientifically inquisitive, and find out what they can do yourself?
52142	Have you tried injuring blue stripe hat yet?
52143	NO.
52144	WHY WOULD I HURT HIM. HE IS MY LOYAL MINION, ALBEIT ONE WHO IS OVERWEIGHT AND APPARENTLY USELESS.
52145	ANYWAY. I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR SCIENCE. JUST TELL ME.
52146	Fine.
52147	Blue stripe hat randomly time travels somewhere if you injure him.
52148	Red stripe hat can also travel through time, but only using fire as a gateway.
52149	Yellow stripe hat is a tailor.
52150	A TAILOR.
52151	Yes.
52152	YOU MEAN. SOMEONE WHO SEWS STUFF.
52153	Yes. A damn good one, too.
52154	THAT'S NOT A POWER. IT'S MORE LIKE. A FUCKING HOBBY.
52155	WHICH HAS NO VALUE TO ME WHATSOEVER.
52156	If you want to be a bigshot time traveler, you're going to need a good tailor.
52157	Everyone knows that.
52158	NO. MAKES NO SENSE.
52159	What if some day you get some sweet new threads? Who will maintain your wardrobe for you??
52160	Do you think you'll wear that tee shirt and those stupid suspenders all your life?
52161	I WILL NEVER STOP WEARING MY AWESOME SUSPENDERS.
52162	NO ONE CAN MAKE ME. NOT EVEN MY TAILOR.
52163	Whatever you say.
52164	You're wasting time again. Better hurry up and conquer this planet so you can find Eggs.
52165	WHAT??
52166	Whoops. I mean purple stripe hat.
52167	Forget I called him that.
52168	OH. YES.
52169	I'M REALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO THESE NEXT FEW GUYS.
52170	I HAVE A FEELING. THE FARTHER I GO. THE MORE USEFUL AND EXCITING THE FROG MEN ARE STARTING TO BE.
52171	You won't be disappointed.
52172	MEENAH: pst blue guy
52173	JOHN: me?
52174	MEENAH: no the other weenie in blue pjs
52175	MEENAH: yes you cmere
52176	MEENAH: listfin
52177	MEENAH: i have a problem
52178	JOHN: what?
52179	MEENAH: now we both know some day ima be the one to swindle you out of that life ring
52180	JOHN: we do?
52181	MEENAH: yeah
52182	MEENAH: shit is inevibubble and we all know it
52183	JOHN: ...
52184	JOHN: ok.
52185	MEENAH: i like priceless treasure
52186	MEENAH: you GOT priceless treasure
52187	MEENAH: my fuckin hero title deal all but guarantees ill steal it from you some day
52188	MEENAH: and ill come back to life so i can rip shit up in the real world and get all the gold and make all yall my slaves and rule everything forev
52189	JOHN: i see.
52190	MEENAH: just one problem though
52191	JOHN: what's that?
52192	MEENAH: i dunno if i wanna?
52193	JOHN: hmm.
52194	JOHN: alright. then i guess that settles that.
52195	MEENAH: no but you dont understand
52196	MEENAH: if i ganked your ring and put it on
52197	MEENAH: and became not a ghost anemonemore
52198	MEENAH: and had to hit the road and conquer stuff
52199	MEENAH: i would miss my friends 38(
52200	JOHN: then, uh...
52201	JOHN: don't?
52202	MEENAH: no blue boy you arent listening
52203	MEENAH: i cant even handle it
52204	MEENAH: thinkin aboat ditching my fronds
52205	MEENAH: they meant so much to me since i been dead
52206	MEENAH: ya feel me blue dweeb
52207	JOHN: yes.
52208	JOHN: my friends mean a lot to me too.
52209	MEENAH: the serket twins
52210	MEENAH: they just
52211	MEENAH: bleugh
52212	MEENAH: look at em
52213	MEENAH: so disgustinly adorbs together
52214	MEENAH: all likin each other and BEING like each other and junk
52215	MEENAH: i dont think i could take it
52216	MEENAH: i aint ready to say fareshell
52217	MEENAH: araneas all like
52218	MEENAH: learnin to be unscrupulous never thought the girl had it in her
52219	MEENAH: makes me so glubbin proud
52220	MEENAH: her stories blow hole but i still love listenin
52221	MEENAH: dont tell her i said so but
52222	MEENAH: i like hearing her so happy like she is just so damn pleased to hear herself yack about dumb shit
52223	MEENAH: on the other flipper...
52224	MEENAH: i legit love vriskas stories they are punchy and hammy as fuck
52225	MEENAH: girl think she in the movies or somefin lmao
52226	MEENAH: we had our difs at first but really shes so badass
52227	MEENAH: i wish my old pals could a been half the give no fucks boss she is
52228	MEENAH: all i ever wanted from my posse was somemoby i could thug it with
52229	MEENAH: i mean w/o bein a psycho batshit skank
52230	MEENAH: wont name names you know who i mean
52231	JOHN: uh, no?
52232	MEENAH: as for soft core megido i
52233	MEENAH: yeah
52234	MEENAH: um
52235	MEENAH: this bitch i could take or leave?
52236	MEENAH: iunno shes aight i guess
52237	MEENAH: but the point is blue chump
52238	MEENAH: im happy now
52239	MEENAH: more than i was on my moon with my sweet gold statues an shit
52240	MEENAH: and more than i think ill be if i gotta be alive again and have to go knocking over galaxies or whatever to make a bomb new fishqueen empire
52241	MEENAH: but its killin me blue schmuck
52242	MEENAH: its killin me to know you got that ring and knowin ill have to take it from ya some day
52243	MEENAH: augh why
52244	MEENAH: why you have to swim in here and present me with this codawful dilemma
52245	MEENAH: why do you have to be so lame and chumpy and such an obvious mark
52246	MEENAH: your dork ass face just screams waaaah gimme a fuckin wedgie and take my ring!
52247	MEENAH: but i dont wanna but i think i gotta cause i mean come on OBVIOUSLY its mine, just why
52248	MEENAH: W)(Y W)(Y W)(Y W)(Y W)(Y W)(Y W)(Y
52249	JOHN: ok, jeez!
52250	JOHN: i promise no matter what, i won't let you have the ring!
52251	JOHN: i'll hide it or something. or better yet, i'll just give it to someone else before you get the chance to steal it.
52252	JOHN: how does that sound?
52253	MEENAH: T)(ANK YOU
52254	VRISKA: Will you guys hurry up??
52255	VRISKA: This is seriously some of the most half assed treasure hunting I've ever seen.
52256	JOHN: hang on, i'm coming!!!
52257	JOHN: so the treasure's in that chest?
52258	VRISKA: Yeah!
52259	JOHN: are you gonna tell us more about it yet?
52260	VRISKA: Yes, that was going to 8e part two of my story.
52261	VRISKA: Which starts right now!
52262	VRISKA: This thing is some sort of juju.
52263	VRISKA: As I'm sure you know 8y now, jujus are magic items that can do all sorts of things. 8end time and space, trap souls inside them, stuff like that.
52264	VRISKA: The more potent jujus tend to 8e pretty versatile. I dou8t even he knew the full extent of its powers.
52265	VRISKA: He supposedly got this thing as a 8oon for slaying a very powerful denizen. As if the guy even needed any more sick endgame rewards.
52266	VRISKA: That's all I'm gonna say for the moment, since I'm sure everyone is dying to see it 8y now.
52267	VRISKA: Only a complete asshole would make us w8 any longer to get a look at this thing.
52268	And with Vriska's sassy flourish of dramatic irony, it suddenly becomes evident to anyone with a brain that we aren't going to see what the treasure is for hundreds, if not thousands of pages.
52269	So why don't we stop wasting everyone's time, shut the lid on this lousy MacGuffin, and be Viceroy Bubbles Von Salamancer.
52270	You are now Viceroy Bubbles Von Salamancer.
52271	Oh yes! You kick your adventure off to a phenomenal start with liveliest jig you have ever attempted!
52272	Your little legs could use the workout after being cooped up on that ship for three years. Wait, shouldn't Casey have reached adulthood in that timeframe, or at least gotten somewhat bigger? You seem to recall from earlier somewhere that salamanders have short lifespans, and grow up quickly. Oh well, you decide to graciously disregard the one and only plothole in this elaborate tale. In fact you think you will use your dark sorcery to make it - POOF - disappear! Ha ha, what problem?
52273	You are so excited for this side quest to begin. It's going to be almost as delightful as it is thorough, and almost as thorough as it is relevant.
52274	You retrieve your adorable amphibious arms from your RAG OF DEMONS. And in doing so you reveal them to be adorably grasping the dreaded CROOK OF FRAILTY. No young salamancer should dabble in the dark arts without one.
52275	You twirl the grim cudgel in the air and begin to disturb ancient spirits from their slumber. In spite of necromancy's notoriously bonkers FAKENESS ATTRIBUTE, you begin to cast a spell!
52276	You beckon a horrifying cadre of skeletal friends. They lurch from the mounds to serve their dark master. You're so happy to see them. You start to blow some sinister friendship bubbles.
52277	You look at all these skeletons and think to yourself, this is probably going to be really important later on. Because that's what happens in adventures. A thing happens, then you forget about the thing for a while, but it turns out to be important down the road. Like some heroes will be fighting a bad guy, and things will look bleak for them. But then out of nowhere this skeleton army will arrive as reinforcements or something, thus turning the tide of battle. Then you go, ah-ha. So that's why that little salamander summoned those skeletons. Everything makes sense now, and in retrospect is elegant in its simplicity.
52278	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/scorpio.gif" border="0" />FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/scorpio.gif" border="0" />
52279	Please, don't interrupt. We are trying to enjoy an important subplot.
52280	Now where were we. Oh, look! One of the skeletons has stepped forward to introduce himself. But the skeleton doesn't have a name. You should give him one! What will you name the skeleton?
52281	> Clattersworth
52282	> Bonebone
52283	> Captain Nibbles
52284	> Fossilbee Oldington the Third
52285	> Mr. Ribs
52286	> Skulligan Malone
52287	You declare this loyal follower to be: Bonebone! Bonebone is most pleased with his gentlemanly appellation.
52288	Hang on. Another skeleton approaches to receive a title. In fact, it looks like they all want names! You decide to name them all, one by one.
52289	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/scorpio.gif" border="0" />FUUUUUUUUCK YOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/scorpio.gif" border="0" />
52290	Just ignore her. She had her chance to be important, but turned the offer down. The rest of us are just trying to get on with our lives.
52291	Now, what will you name the next skeleton?
52292	> <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/scorpio.gif" border="0" />FUCK YOU!<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/scorpio.gif" border="0" />
52293	> <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/scorpio.gif" border="0" />FUCK YOU!<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/scorpio.gif" border="0" />
52294	> <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/scorpio.gif" border="0" />FUCK YOU!<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/scorpio.gif" border="0" />
52295	> <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/scorpio.gif" border="0" />FUCK YOU!<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/scorpio.gif" border="0" />
52296	> <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/scorpio.gif" border="0" />FUCK YOU!<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/scorpio.gif" border="0" />
52297	> <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/scorpio.gif" border="0" />FUCK YOU!<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/scorpio.gif" border="0" />
52298	> <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/scorpio.gif" border="0" />FUCK YOU!<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/scorpio.gif" border="0" />
52299	> <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/scorpio.gif" border="0" />FUCK YOU!<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/scorpio.gif" border="0" />
52300	VRISKA: OHHHHHHHH NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
52301	VRISKA: OH FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
52302	VRISKA: WE'RE G8ING TO LOOK AT WH8T'S IN THIS CH8ST RIGHT N8W!!!!!!!!
52303	VRISKA: DO YOU HE8R ME Y8U F8CK?
52304	VRISKA: I D8DN'T SCRAPE AND CLAW MY W8Y 8ACK TO RELEV8NCE F8R THIS SHIT!
52305	VRISKA: I'M DOING S8METHING F8CKING IMPORTANT! AND WHEN I DO SOMETH8NG FUCKING IMPORT8NT, EVERY88DY 8ETTER D8MN WELL PAY ATT8NTION TO ME!!!!!!!!
52306	MEENAH: (wut)
52307	ARADIA: :D
52308	VRISKA: YOU DON'T TH8NK I'M ON TO YOU 8Y NOW? AS IF I C8N'T SENSE WH8N SOME SORT OF 8ULLFUCKERY IS AFOOT????????
52309	VRISKA: YOU DON'T THINK 8'M WISE TO YO8R FUCKING G8MES????????
52310	JOHN: (who's she talking to?)
52311	ARANEA: ::::?
52312	ARADIA: :D
52313	VRISKA: GO AHEAD! TRY AND FUCK W8TH US SOME M8RE!
52314	VRISKA: MAKE MY D8Y YOU PI8CE OF SHIT!
52315	VRISKA: EVERYONE HERE WANTS TO KNOW WH8T'S IN THIS CHEST, SO THAT'S EX8CTLY WHAT THEY'RE GONNA SEE!
52316	VRISKA: THERE'S PRO8A8LY SOME IDEAL WAY FOR ME TO REVEAL THIS THING TO M8KE IT SEEM AS COOL AS POSSI8LE, 8UT Y8U KNOW WHAT!
52317	VRISKA: I DON'T GIVE A F8CK!!!!!!!!
52318	VRISKA: I'M JUST G8NNA DUMP IT OUT ON THE FLOOR RIGHT HERE AND NOW!
52319	VRISKA: THERE!
52320	VRISKA: FUCKING TH8RE!!!!!!!!
52321	VRISKA: TAAAAAAAA DAAAAAAAA!
52322	VRISKA: W8W WILL YOU LOOK AT TH8T!
52323	VRISKA: IT'S THE FUCK8NG TREASURE!
52324	VRISKA: LOOKS LIKE SOME K8ND OF HUMAN HOUSE SHAPED THING! H8LY SHIT, DIDN'T SEE THAT C8MING!!!!!!!!
52325	VRISKA: NOW EVERYONE HOLD YOUR FUCKING H8RSES WHILE I ARTLESSLY EXPLAIN SOME MORE SHIT A8OUT IT!
52326	VRISKA: WOOOOOOOO! HERE FUCKING G8ES!
52327	VRISKA: AFTER THE GUY USED IT THAT ONE TIME, IT 8ECAME TOTALLY INTANGI8LE! SO WE CAN'T TOUCH IT OR PICK IT UP!
52328	VRISKA: THAT'S WHY WE 8ROUGHT ARADIA ALONG! SO SHE CAN MAKE IT LEVIT8 OR WHATEVER!
52329	VRISKA: IF WE 8RING IT NEAR HIM IT'S SUPPOSED TO ACTIV8 AGAIN OR SOMETHING! THAT'S HOW YOU USE IT AS A WEAPON I GUESS!
52330	VRISKA: 8UT THAT'S ALL I KNOW!!!!!!!!
52331	VRISKA: THERE! YOU LIKE TH8T YOU FUCK?
52332	VRISKA: DO YOU LIKE HOW I JUST TOOK THE FUCKING PISS OUT OF TH8T COOL MYSTERIOUS TREASURE! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
52333	VRISKA: DO YOU LIKE GETTING OWNED????????
52334	VRISKA: 8ECAUSE THAT'S WHAT YOU JUST GOT! OWNED!!!!!!!!
52335	VRISKA: SO WHY DON'T YOU SUCK IT!
52336	VRISKA: SUUUUUUUUCK........
52337	VRISKA: IIIIIIIIT!!!!!!!!
52338	VRISKA: *Huff puff.*
52339	JOHN: ...
52340	MEENAH: ...
52341	ARANEA: ...
52342	ARADIA: :D
52343	JOHN: ok, i'm not sure what that crazy outburst was about.
52344	JOHN: i think i'll just let that one go.
52345	JOHN: but you say this little house thing is intangible?
52346	VRISKA: Yes.
52347	JOHN: so i can't touch it?
52348	VRISKA: Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's what intangi8le means!
52349	JOHN: what happens if i try?
52350	VRISKA: I dunno if I would do that if I were you.
52351	JOHN: i'm not too worried.
52352	JOHN: this is just my dream hologram self, or some nonsense.
52353	JOHN: how many times has meenah stabbed me with her fork?
52354	MEENAH: (not enough blue stooge)
52355	MEENAH: (not enough by a nautical mile)
52356	JOHN: and i always wake up fine!
52357	VRISKA: It's not just a8out you, John.
52358	VRISKA: This is a very powerful juju. You'd 8e messing with some forces we don't fully understand.
52359	ARADIA: sounds like a dare to me
52360	VRISKA: Oh my god.
52361	VRISKA: Alright, whatever. I'll 8e fucked if suddenly I'm gonna 8e the lone voice of prudence and sound judgment in our 8adass pir8 clu8.
52362	VRISKA: If you really wanna plunge your fist through some sort of hole in reality, then 8e my guest!
52363	JOHN: ouch!
52364	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/johnblurtext1.gif" border="0" />
52365	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/johnblurtext2.gif" border="0" />
52366	VRISKA: John, will you get your hand out of there?
52367	VRISKA: You're vaguely fucking shit up in some totally am8iguous way.
52368	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/johnblurtext3.gif" border="0" />
52369	VRISKA: John!!!!!!!!
52370	MEENAH: dammit
52371	I HATE PUPPET PEOPLE I HATE PUPPET PEOPLE I HATE PUPPET PEOPLE I HATE PUPPET PEOPLE I HATE PUPPET PEOPLE I HATE PUPPET PEOPLE I HATE PUPPET PEOPLE I HATE PUPPET PEOPLE I HATE PUPPET PEOPLE I HATE PUPPET PEOPLE I HATE PUPPET PEOPLE.
52372	Puppet people?
52373	PUPPET PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!
52374	You're just calling them different things every time to bug me.
52375	THEY ARE PUPPET PEOPLE.
52376	Why are they puppet people?
52377	I thought frog men was going to be your preferred headcanon.
52378	BECAUSE THEY ARE LIKE BIG ALIVE PUPPETS.
52379	How so?
52380	THEIR SKIN IS SOFT.
52381	Soft?
52382	What do you mean.
52383	Soft as in smooth to the touch, like a baby's behind?
52384	NO.
52385	MORE LIKE. FUZZY.
52386	AND SQUISHY.
52387	What?
52388	LIKE PLUSH.
52389	YOU KNOW.
52390	LIKE A GOD DAMN PUPPET.
52391	Hold on.
52392	Are you telling me these fuckers are literally made of felt???
52393	WHAT'S FELT.
52394	It's the fabric they put on pool tables.
52395	Kind of soft and fuzzy.
52396	OH. THEN YES.
52397	EXACTLY LIKE THAT.
52398	Well that's weird.
52399	I guess you learn something new every day.
52400	Speaking of which, I suppose you'll want me to tell you what these two frog puppets can do?
52401	NO!
52402	No?
52403	THE ABILITIES OF PURPLE STRIPE HAT. AND ORANGE STRIPE HAT.
52404	ARE AS PLAINLY SELF EVIDENT. AS THEY ARE IDIOTIC.
52405	Patience.
52406	In time, you will grow to love them as if they were two very special sons.
52407	NO WAY.
52408	Yes you will.
52409	I can tell you kind of like them already, but you're just pretending you don't to be cool. Like you always do with members of your dark carnival.
52410	I notice you aren't actually trying very hard to escape from the crowd there.
52411	Looks to me like you're enjoying your time in the puppet mosh pit, frankly.
52412	SCREW YOU!
52413	I'm going to tell you their powers anyway.
52414	NO!
52415	Purple stripe hat has an egg timer juju which makes him time travel whenever it rings.
52416	But he's too stupid to use time travel sensibly so he ends up making way too many copies of himself.
52417	Orange stripe hat has a magic oven which he can hide inside.
52418	And that's it. It serves no purpose other than that. Also he's just as dumb as Eggs.
52419	I mean purple stripe hat. Forget I called him that again.
52420	Also pretend I didn't call the other guy Biscuits.
52421	YOU DIDN'T CALL ANYONE BISCUITS.
52422	I didn't?
52423	Oh.
52424	Damn.
52425	Then pretend I didn't say I did.
52426	I DON'T CARE!
52427	I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANY OF THIS!
52428	ALL OF THAT WAS OBVIOUS!
52429	I HAVE GROWN WEARY. OF YOUR EXCESSIVE DIVULGENCES!
52430	Yeah, my divulgences haven't been too popular lately.
52431	I can't seem to catch a 8r8k.
52432	A WHAT.
52433	A 8r8k.
52434	WHAT'S A 8R8K.
52435	Nothing.
52436	Just something an old flame used to say a lot.
52437	Well, not so much an old flame as someone who callously spurned my extraordinarily inappropriate advances one time.
52438	She really blew it though. She could have been the star again, if only she said yes.
52439	Things are pretty passive aggressive between us now.
52440	WOMEN. Am I right?
52441	NO, DON'T DO THIS.
52442	I DON'T WANT US TO BOND OVER YOUR FEMALE PROBLEMS.
52443	STOP TRYING TO BE BROS WITH ME!
52444	You know how it is.
52445	Sometimes a guy just wants to take a look at what an adorable salamander is up to, and scrutinize that situation carefully.
52446	Like really see what's going on with that, you know?
52447	Is that so wrong.
52448	So what if I want to watch a young salamander spend several hours naming skeletons?
52449	It's my right to do that. I should be able to watch Bubbles name a million fucking skeletons if I want.
52450	I should be able to do that without a spiteful attention hog stealing back the spotlight while she does something "important".
52451	Who cares about important stuff?
52452	Important stuff is so overrated, IMHO.
52453	I STOPPED LISTENING!
52454	I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SAYING. BECAUSE I'M NOT READING IT ANYMORE.
52455	YOU CAN GO AHEAD AND BABBLE ALL YOU WANT. ABOUT MEANINGLESS TRASH.
52456	I'VE TOTALLY CHECKED OUT OF THE CONVERSATION. SO BYE.
52457	I wonder what Spades Slick is doing right now.
52458	You are now Spades Slick.
52459	It appears that you will be the focus of an exciting new sub plot. That is, if everyone's ok with that. You're not sure. Is that allowed, you wonder? Is anyone going to throw a tantrum and make us look at something else?
52460	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/scorpio.gif" border="0" />LEAVE ME ALONE YOU FUCKING CREEP!!!!!!!!<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/scorpio.gif" border="0" />
52461	Good news, Spades. It looks like your sub plot checks out. You have the green light, whenever you're ready.
52462	There was some commotion up here earlier. That guy flipped your bed over this balcony and you fell in the water like a thousand feet below. You had to climb all the way back up, sopping wet. You think he said something about English? You don't see any sign of the rival mob boss though. You'll have to investigate.
52463	You might not have much time to find him though. The sun is setting on the horizon. What are all those things floating over the water? You can't quite make them out, even with your awesome cyborg eye, which can probably make you see better. Maybe. I'm not sure. I don't actually know anything about cybernetics to tell you the truth. I just gave you a red eye because I thought it looked cool.
52464	Looks like this asshole in the white wig is dead. Yes, the same asshole who nursed you back to health even though he didn't have to, and even though he kind of promised he wouldn't do stuff like that by way of some vague pledge involving a yellow ruler. But he saved your life anyway because his heart was just that big. You're welcome.
52465	You weren't listening to any of that because you don't care.
52466	You're not gonna take the wand because obviously magic is fake. Come on. What sort of buffoon would try to wield that thing under any circumstance?
52467	You will however take the horns. They'll make a nice trophy. You always thought taking trophies from guys you killed was a cool idea. Or at least from guys you wish you killed, who you happen to find dead.
52468	This appears to be the murder weapon. Looks like English was the trigger man, then ditched the weapon by the body for some reason. You've never seen the guy, but you heard he carries a big overpowered gold machine gun.
52469	Pretty garish in your view. The man has no subtlety whatsoever. You and he sure have different styles when it comes to running an organized crime outfit. You honestly think he might be some sort of huge manchild.
52470	And I honestly think you might be right.
52471	You take the GOLDEN CUESTAFF. Holy crap this thing is huge. Good thing you have robot arms now. The weapon weighs several hundred pounds, but to a hulk like him it's light as a feather. And to a cyborg like you, it's light as a slightly heavier feather.
52472	Man, how sweet would it be if you could use his own weapon against him when you get your reven... HEY! WHO GOES THERE!
52473	Ah. Of course. It's the cute little dame who tended to you while you were bedridden. Her soup was so delicious. Whoa, what are these dumb horns doing on your head? Those don't belong there. You toss them on the ground and stomp on them nonchalantly.
52474	She's shaking like a leaf! She must be terrified. You assure her there's nothing to be afraid of anymore. Everything's gonna be ok. The asshole in the white wig is dead.
52475	Now that you've settled her nerves down, which you haven't actually, you ask her where the guy who did this went. She says she doesn't know. She's been hiding since he smacked her across the face with his cane. You say he did WHAT, why I oughta! She says she thinks he's probably gone now. You say oh. Any idea which way he went? She says no. You say hmm. Any idea what she might be doing later? She asks what do you mean? You say any dinner plans or...
52476	Hey! Slick! What exactly are your intentions toward Ms. Paint??? You could at least wait until the blood is dry before making your move. I know you've always had your shitty cybernetic eye on her. Yes, the same eye that's probably just a useless piece of red glass overlapping an otherwise perfectly healthy eye. Yeah, that one.
52477	Oh fuck it. Who am I to stand between you two? You obviously make an adorable couple. Why should I let my rotten luck with the ladies rain on your parade. That's it, I'm calling it. I'm declaring your ship to be officially canon.
52478	Now don't fuck this up, Slick.
52479	Personals she says? Yeah you say. Your personal items. What items she wonders? You know, all the shit you had on you before that guy turned you into a damn robot. Like your hat and stuff. Oh! Yes, she knows exactly where all that is.
52480	She says this way. But please try to be quiet in case the green beast is still nearby!
52481	She leads you to one of the mansion's several dozen pantries and retrieves your box of stuff.
52482	Here you go she says.
52483	The hat was a little worse for the wear, but she took it to the tailor to have it repaired. Tailor, what tailor you say. The one that appears when you pull his pin from the little doll. She said she put the pin back though because the man was rather grouchy and unpleasant.
52484	Wait a minute...
52485	Of course. The doll!
52486	You knew you decided to hang on to this thing for a reason.
52487	English has no idea what he's in for. You can't wait to see the look on his face. Even though the look on his face is always pretty much the same, since he's a skull monster.
52488	Uh, yeah, better leave the black one in though. Pulling that one could have some really weird consequences.
52489	You tell all these mugs to listen up. This gang is now under new management.
52490	The surly mob of puppet people look you up and down, glance at your CUESTAFF, and shrug. Yep, you're the new boss, they appear to tacitly confirm.
52491	Ms. Paint, you say. There's a vacancy in the gang's eight-spot. You got anything more suitable to wear?
52492	She claps her hands and says oh yes! She has just the dress for the occasion. She says brb.
52493	You say hey you. Wise guy in the maroon hat. What was his name again? Some weapon shaped like a seven. Boomerang? No that wasn't it. Your memory's failing you. Might of taken one blow to the head too many when that universe exploded. Hey, why did that universe explode again? Can't recall for the life of you. Crowbar. What? Crowbar's his name, the guy says. Oh yeah, that's right. Now you remember, you used his crowbar a while ago to smash a priceless clock to pieces. You have his crowbar he asks?? No, you lost track of it. Any idea where it is? No clue you say. Damn he says.
52494	You ask him how they can get out of here. Go somewhere to regroup and make some plans. Hatch some schemes. Maybe draw a map or two. Preferably in a hideout. He says he can lead you back to one of the gang's old haunts. You say after you then. He says hey. Yeah? What happened to the old boss he wonders. Is he dead or something? You say none of your damn business. Now get moving.
52495	Through here Crowbar says.
52496	Hey what's this thing Clover asks? Nothing you say. You think the idiot who used to live here was doing some sort of science experiment. Pretty much, Ms. Paint says. Don't touch it you say. Could be a deathtrap. Clover pulls his hand away quickly. He looks worried.
52497	Die asks if he can have his doll back. You say of course not, shut up. He looks crestfallen.
52498	God damn it's hot in here.
52499	AC must be broken or something.
52500	You leave Damara's room and great Caesar's stab wound what is even going on here. Crowbar where the hell are you leading us you ask. He says it's the Doc's old apartment. Really posh digs. Primo location too, at least it was before the universe exploded. Why are there giant holes in the walls through which can be seen an abundance of blinding green plasma, you inquire. He says because the apartment is now floating somewhere inside a huge sun. A sun you say. Well shit. No wonder it's so hot you could cook breakfast on your cranial plates. Hiding out in the middle of a big sun doesn't sound like a real tenable predicament, does it Crowbar. No boss, he supposes it does not. Sounds like it's actually kind of a shitty predicament, doesn't it Crowbar. Yes boss, he supposes it does. A predicament defying any sense of reason, safety, physical comfort, and most laws of science probably. He wouldn't know about that boss. You'll have to ask a scientist. You got a sassy mouth on you Crowbar, you say to Crowbar. A real sassy mouth.
52501	He says if you don't want to stay, that's fine. There are contingencies in place. Contingencies you say? He says Doc's suite had an emergency exit which the gang could flee through whenever things got too hot to handle. Circumstances, he says, which never once presented themselves, until now, in the most literal way possible. Yeah. Yeah you say. Because of the sun. Yes he says. Because of the sun.
52502	Well what are you waiting for Crowbar. Keep leading the way.
52503	Hold up you say. You're not sure about this Crowbar leading the way business. Who's the leader here, this smart mouth or you? He says you, of course. But you don't know where the exit is. You say bullshit. You been here before. You know this place like the back of your hand. You show him your hand, which is now mostly unfamiliar to you, because it's made of metal. You put your hand down quickly because that didn't serve your rhetorical purpose at all. He says if you insist. The exit is in the room with the clock in it. Do you remember where that is? You say what do you look like, a moron? Of course you remember. Then after you he says.
52504	It's obviously down here. Through one of these doors. Watch and learn buddy.
52505	That was not the right door.
52506	Just take us to the exit, Crowbar. He says yeah sure.
52507	You lead the mob through a few more of these weird skinny panels.
52508	Some of the guys get distracted over there in the lounge. Just a quick match of TABLE STICKBALL, a fun game they made up which is based on their hats. You tell them to quit playing pool and get over here. They start laughing their asses off at the noob who doesn't know a game of TABLE STICKBALL when he sees one.
52509	So this is it huh you say. Why's he keep the exit in the room with the clock anyway? Crowbar says the exit's in the room with the clock because the exit IS the clock. You say you see. You look the clock up and down. Doesn't look the same as you remember. It was a lot fancier when you smashed it with the Crowbar. You mean the crowbar. All purple and gold and... ticking. As if deciding the fate of someone you don't know or care about. Someone who doesn't understand a golden opportunity when she sees it. <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/scorpio.gif" border="0" />sdkljfhkldhfsdkhfk<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/scorpio.gif" border="0" /> Someone whose behavior may have been controversial, and whose sentence apparently had to be arbitrated by a magic timepiece. Just as well you smashed it. That way nobody could outsource their judgment to the verdict of a stupid clock. Yes you definitely thought all that now. Wait. What happened to the pendulum? The ball thingy you mean. Crowbar says it broke. You see. Alright.
52510	Anyway none of that matters now. How are you supposed to exit through this thing? Guess you have to open it? Yes he says. How you say. He says oh you know. Gotta pry it open. If only they had a tool with which to pry. Perhaps a tool which is notorious for its prying ability, which also happens to be its sole purpose. You wouldn't happen to know where such a tool might be, would you, he asks? No, he supposes not. There he goes again with that smart mouth. Nothing but sass from this guy. You're starting to miss your old right hand man. At least when he got sick of your shit, he would just turn around and light a cigarette.
52511	There. Crowbar shmowbar.
52512	How the hell are you gonna squeeze all these big galoots through that skinny ass door? Wait. You might have an idea.
52513	Where's the guy with the oven. Hey! Oven! Get over here! Crowbar whispers his name is actually Biscuits. You don't give a fuck. Biscuits seems to understand he is being summoned, and waddles over. Yep, there's his magic oven. Wow what a dumb juju. Should come in handy for once though.
52514	EVERYONE IN THE OVEN! LET'S GO LET'S GO MOVE MOVE MOVE! Iggy, Slowpoke, What's His Face... Yes you too Ms. Paint! Clover, Shark Guy, Top Hat, get in there Crowbar, you can mouth off all you want, just do it in the oven! Stitch Face, Fatty, Fireman, uh, the centaur butler? Yeah what the hell, come on in! He can be the team mascot or something. Plus his milk was fucking GREAT. Biscuits, Other Biscuits, Big Guy, Bigger Guy... THAT SHOULD DO IT!
52515	You pick up the 13 OF STARS card. What? Cards don't go up to thirteen. Stars ain't a real suit either. These guys really are a bunch of whackjobs.
52516	Whatever, you'll just slip it in the deck. Time to go.
52517	Perfect.
52518	What the shit.
52519	THIS was their secret escape hatch?!
52520	You see. It's all so clear now. When things get too hot to handle, the Doc and his posse duck out of the clock and into the idiot wagon for a little spin through infinite oblivion with some giant octopus things.
52521	Thanks for the tip, Crowbar! THANK YOU SO VERY FUCKING MUCH!!!
52522	Hang on a minute.
52523	What's that?
52524	Is that...
52525	Could it really be?
52526	You don't need a fancy robotic eye to tell you what that is.
52527	You know EXACTLY what that is.
52528	It's the fucking JACKPOT.
52529	I DID IT!
52530	I CONQUERED THE MAROON STRIPE PLANET. THUS UNLOCKING. THE FINAL AND MOST POWERFUL TOAD GOBLIN OF ALL!!!!!!!!!!!
52531	WOW, HE'S SO PERFECT. SO HUGE. SO *STRONG*.
52532	I LOVE HIM BEING STRONG.
52533	FINALLY. THE IDEAL MINION. WITH THE TYPE OF POWER I ADMIRE THE MOST.
52534	WHICH IS. BEING A HUGE STRONG GUY WITH ENORMOUS POWERFUL MUSCLES!
52535	YESSSSSSSSSSS.
52536	OH YEAH. I ALSO GOT GREEN STRIPE HAT. HE'S GOOD TOO.
52537	IN THAT HE IS ALSO LARGE. AND RELATIVELY STRONG. AND MEAN.
52538	HE FLIPS A COIN TOO I THINK. WHICH IS ALSO COOL.
52539	OH, AND DON'T TELL ME WHAT THEY DO.
52540	ALL I CARE ABOUT IS THAT THEY'RE BIG AND STRONG.
52541	DO NOT SPOIL MY MOMENT OF TRIUMPH WITH MORE OF YOUR HUMAN MONKEY EARTH BUSINESS.
52542	WHAT.
52543	NOTHING TO SAY?
52544	YES. THIS IS GOOD. YOU'RE FINALLY LEARNING WHO'S BOSS.
52545	AND SOON. EVERYONE ELSE WILL TOO.
52546	NOW I HAVE TO CONQUER THE BLACK PLANET.
52547	THIS ONE IS A DIFFERENT THING FROM THE OTHERS.
52548	MY SOURCES TELL ME. BY WHICH I MEAN. THE CLOWN TELLS ME.
52549	THAT THIS PLANET HAS BEEN CLAIMED BY THE BLACK QUEEN HERSELF.
52550	I WILL NEED TO OVERTHROW HER TO WIN.
52551	AS SUCH. IN A STROKE OF BRILLIANT CLEVERNESS. MY BRAIN DEVISED AN IDEA.
52552	I HAVE RECRUITED JACK NOIR TO HELP SETTLE OUR MUTUAL SCORE.
52553	REALLY. GETTING JACK TO DO VIOLENT THINGS FOR ME. ALWAYS STRIKES ME AS SUCH A GOOD PLAN.
52554	SO I MIGHT AS WELL JUST DO IT ALWAYS. RATHER THAN ALWAYS THINKING OF NEW STUFF. WHICH IS HARD TO DO.
52555	HE WOULD MAKE A GOOD FRIEND. IF THE CONCEPT OF FRIENDSHIP WASN'T HORRID AND MEANINGLESS TO ME.
52556	THEREFORE. I WILL THINK OF A WAY TO DISPOSE OF HIM ONCE HIS USEFULNESS IS OVER.
52557	IT'S BAD FORM TO LEAVE STRAY NOIRS WANDERING AROUND.
52558	(DON'T TELL HIM I SAID ANY OF THIS.)
52559	(MY TREACHERY TO HIM. IS MEANT TO BE A SURPRISE!)
52560	(HA HA HA HA HA.)
52561	(HA HA.)
52562	UH.
52563	...........
52564	HELLO?
52565	WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU GO.
52566	AREN'T YOU GOING TO TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK OF MY GREAT PLAN.
52567	OR DERIDE ME IN SOME FASHION. FOR MY JUVENILE CONDUCT AND POOR CRITICAL THINKING SKILLS.
52568	WELL, YOU UNSPEAKABLY PUTRID AND FATUOUS BLABBERMOUTH???
52569	I DEMAND THAT YOU TALK TO ME!!!
52570	OK. I SEE HOW IT IS.
52571	YOU HAVE DECIDED YOU WILL NO LONGER ALLOW ME. TO BROWBEAT YOU. INTO HELPING ME. THROUGH SHEER FORCE OF PETULANCE.
52572	IT MAY SURPRISE YOU TO KNOW. I AM JUST AS CAPABLE OF RESPECTING THAT. AS I AM OF THROWING A TANTRUM ABOUT IT.
52573	I DON'T NEED YOU ANYMORE.
52574	I DON'T NEED ANYONE!!!!!!!!!!!
52575	JOHN: what.
52576	JOHN: does this mean...
52577	JOHN: we're here?
52578	JOHN: hello???
52579	JOHN: is anyone there?
52580	JOHN: jade?
52581	JOHN: nanna??
52582	JOHN: jaspers???
52583	JOHN: dave sprite????
52584	JOHN: ...
52585	JOHN: ... regular dave?
52586	JOHN: where IS everyone?
52587	JOHN: this sucks.
52588	JOHN: ...
52589	JOHN: sigh.
52590	You chance upon the SLAB OF THE JADED FOOL'S ENNUI. You don't know the slab is called that, but that's what the slab is called.
52591	Looks like a good spot to decompress after your strange ordeal through canonspace.
52592	DAVE: so
52593	DAVE: has anyone figured out how were actually gonna stop this meteor
52594	DAVE: or was three years not enough time to solve that problem
52595	KARKAT: NO, WE HAVEN'T.
52596	KARKAT: OH MY GOD.
52597	KARKAT: WE'RE STILL TRAVELING AT THE SPEED OF LIGHT, AND WE ONLY SEEM TO BE PICKING UP STEAM!
52598	DAVE: i dont think thats possible dude
52599	DAVE: in fact im not sure we were ever traveling at light speed
52600	DAVE: i think maybe theres been some bogus science in circulation that we been chumped into gettin behind
52601	KARKAT: WHAT?
52602	DAVE: just saying
52603	KARKAT: NO.
52604	KARKAT: *I'M* JUST SAYING.
52605	KARKAT: WE CAME ALL THIS WAY, AND WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!!
52606	KARKAT: I DON'T BELIEVE THIS.
52607	KARKAT: HOW COULD WE NOT HAVE THOUGHT THIS THROUGH BETTER!
52608	KARKAT: IT'S LIKE THE RECKONING V 2.0. OR 3.0. OR WAIT, MAYBE 4.0 IF WE'RE COUNTING THE BEFORUS SESS... UGH, FUCK THIS SENTENCE I'M SAYING.
52609	KARKAT: HOW COULD IT ALL BOIL DOWN TO *YET ANOTHER* METEOR HURTLING TOWARD SKAIA SERVING AS THE HARBINGER OF OUR IMMINENT DEMISE?
52610	KARKAT: EXCEPT THIS TIME WE'RE *RIDING* THE FUCKING HARBINGER.
52611	KARKAT: WHICH IS IRONIC WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT! WE WERE BROUGHT INTO THIS LIFE RIDING A METEOR. MAKES SENSE THAT'S HOW WE'LL ALL GO OUT! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
52612	DAVE: man pull it together
52613	DAVE: this thing has to have some escape pods or something
52614	KARKAT: WHERE! I NEVER SAW ANY!
52615	KARKAT: MAYBE THEY WERE BEING STORED IN THE HYPER GRAVITY CHAMBER!
52616	ROSE: We have a hypher gravitoy chambHIC. Ber?
52617	DAVE: or i guess maybe we could
52618	DAVE: just sort of
52619	DAVE: hop up
52620	DAVE: and
52621	DAVE: like...
52622	DAVE: fly away?
52623	KARKAT: WHY YOU ABHORRENT COLUMN OF SMARMY FILTH. YOU ALWAYS DID KNOW HOW TO RUB SALT IN THE WOUND.
52624	KARKAT: WHAT ABOUT THOSE OF US WHO CAN'T FLY! YOU *KNOW* I CAN'T FLY, AND YOU *KNOW* IT'S A SORE SUBJECT FOR ME!
52625	DAVE: i swear to god
52626	DAVE: this meteor needs one of those baby on board things on the back
52627	DAVE: but like a grub instead of baby for max fidelity to the gag because TROLLZ
52628	DAVE: i know you cant fly dude obviously i would just carry you or something
52629	KARKAT: I'D RATHER FUCKING DIE!!!!!!
52630	ROSE: Don'ot worry guy,s
52631	ROSE: I've vave a fealing evvvvvery thinks gogna work out. ;)
52632	DAVE: rose shut the fuck up
52633	BARK
52634	DAVE: dude did you just bark
52635	KARKAT: WHAT? NO I DIDN'T BARK.
52636	KARKAT: I THOUGHT THAT WAS YOU.
52637	DAVE: why would i bark
52638	KARKAT: WELL WHY THE FUCK WOULD I BARK???
52639	DAVE: because youre having a mental breakdown
52640	KARKAT: WHY DON'T YOU HAVE A MENTAL GO FUCK YOURSELF?
52641	KARKAT: OR! OR WAIT! THEN USE YOUR ALLEGED "TIME POWERS" TO MAKE A COPY OF YOURSELF AND TURN THIS AUDACIOUS PHANTASY INTO A SENSUAL REALITY!
52642	DAVE: nah
52643	BARK
52644	KARKAT: THERE IT WAS AGAIN!
52645	KARKAT: THE BARK HAPPENED AGAIN!
52646	DAVE: wasnt me
52647	KARKAT: WHO THE FUCK IS BARKING.
52648	DAVE: kanaya did you bark
52649	DAVE: you fuckin with us maryam
52650	KANAYA: (hisssss...)
52651	KARKAT: TEREZI, WAS IT YOU???
52652	TEREZI: (grrrrrr...)
52653	KARKAT: WHAT IS IT? WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?
52654	DAVE: maybe the mayor barked
52655	DAVE: mayor was that you
52656	DAVE: haha i bet it was
52657	DAVE: god i love the mayor hes so full of surprises
52658	JADE: hey guys
52659	JADE: long time no see
52660	A YOUNG MALE HOMO SAPIEN IS TRAPPED IN HIS ROOM. THE PREMISE IS UNINTERESTING, AND EVERYTHING ABOUT IT SUCKS. HENCE THE TITLE, WHICH IS A PORT MANTEAU. CONSISTING OF TWO THEMATICALLY APPROPRIATE WORDS.
52661	THE MALE IS NOT VERY SMART. THERE IS SOMETHING ABOUT A HUMAN BIRTHDAY. AND HE DOESN'T HAVE A NAME YET? AND MORE STUPID THINGS ALONG THOSE LINES.
52662	ALL OF THIS IS IRRELEVANT.
52663	A YOUNG MALE CHERUB HAS ACHIEVED TOTAL DOMINATION OVER HIS QUEST. THUS UNLOCKING HIS MAGIC MYSTERY PLANET. AND THEREFORE. GAINING SUPREME MASTERY OVER ALL EVENTS IN REALITY. CANONICAL OR OTHERWISE.
52664	HE BECAME A GOD TIER OBVIOUSLY. IT WAS EASY, INVOLVING A TRIVIAL ACT OF SELF SUICIDE. IT WAS NOT A VERY BIG DEAL AT ALL. THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU'RE THE BEST. YOU BECOME THE BEST THING QUITE CASUALLY. AND OFF SCREEN. LIKE IT'S NOT EVEN THAT IMPORTANT.
52665	SEE? LIKE THAT.
52666	HE STOOD ON THAT FLASHY THING. WHICH MAY NOT EVEN BE LITERALLY REAL?
52667	HE GOT A NEW ACHIEVEMENT BADGE SEWN ON TO HIS KIDDIE CAMPER HANDYSASH. WHICH ALSO MAY BE A THING THAT'S NOT LITERALLY REAL. LIKE MANY OTHER THINGS. WHICH DON'T SEEM TO HAVE LITERAL REALITY, BUT EXIST ANYWAY. GETTING NEW BADGES HELPS YOU UNDERSTAND STUPID THINGS LIKE THAT BETTER. IN OTHER WORDS. THEY ARE MOSTLY POINTLESS.
52668	LIKE GIFT OF GAB. WHICH IS ESPECIALLY USELESS TO OUR HERO. SINCE THERE IS NOBODY FOR HIM TO "TALK" TO EXCEPT FOR A RUDE CLOWN. AND ALL HIS DUMB GREEN FRIENDS, I GUESS. AND HE COULD ALREADY TALK TO THEM REGARDLESS? SO. WHAT THE FUCK.
52669	THE BADGES ARE ALL SO SHITTY. I BARELY EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY. ONE OF THEM LETS YOU ACQUIRE OBJECTS WITH YOUR BARE HANDS. NO CAPTCHALOGUES REQUIRED. WOW, IT'S A DREAM COME TRUE! THERE IS ANOTHER ONE. AND I'M NOT JOKING HERE. THAT GRANTS YOU THE ABILITY TO HAVE NON AWKWARD PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS.
52670	I WISH I WAS MAKING THIS UP. I REALLY DO.
52671	THAT WAS NOT A PITIFUL WASTE OF HIS TIME. A SKELETON KEY BADGE.
52672	HAVING THIS BADGE MEANT THAT HE COULD AUTOMATICALLY UNLOCK. ANY LOCK HE WANTED TO!
52673	INCLUDING ALL THE CONTRAPTIONS ON THIS PLANET. ALLOWING HIM TO OFFICIALLY AND PERMANENTLY ASSUME CONTROL OF. A PROPERTY OF HIS EXPERIENTIAL CONTINUUM WHICH I HAVE REASON TO BELIEVE IS CALLED. "THE NARRATIVE".
52674	AND DUE TO HIS UNQUESTIONED SUPREMACY OVER A LOT OF THINGS. HE IS NOW ABLE TO COMMANDEER THIS ENIGMATIC MEDIUM. WHILE TOTALLY UNIMPEDED BY THE GHOSTLY VOICE OF A SARCASTIC DOUCHE.
52675	IT'S ME.
52676	AND AS IT HAPPENS. MY DREAM IS A *FACT*.
52677	I HAVE TAKEN OVER THIS "STORY". AND I WILL NOW RETELL IT ACCORDING TO MY UNDERSTANDING AND LEVEL OF INTEREST. I WILL ADDITIONALLY PROVIDE AN HONEST AND BRUTAL CRITIQUE OF THE EVENTS AND THE WAY THEY HAVE BEEN SHOWN. BY UTILIZING THE MOST POTENT WEAPON ANYONE COULD EVER HOPE TO ALLOCATE TO HIS SPECIBUS. IT IS THE WEAPON. OF "SATIRE".
52678	OH MY GOD. THIS IS GOING TO BE SO GREAT. HAS ANYONE EVER DONE ANYTHING LIKE THIS BEFORE??
52679	ALL I HAVE TO DO. IS KEEP WORKING THE MAGIC. WITH MY FUCKING COMPUTER PENCIL. YES!!!
52680	DRAWING IS EASY. DON'T LET ANYONE EVER TELL YOU IT ISN'T. YOU WORK HARD. AND HONE YOUR CRAFT. AND IGNORE THE HATERS. UNTIL YOU ARE IN. "THE ZONE".
52681	NOW EXCUSE ME WHILE I DRAW A SHITTY ROOM.
52682	YOU EXAMINE YOUR SHITTY ROOM.
52683	YOU ARE THE MALE. I'M CALLING HIM YOU FOR SOME REASON. THAT IS HOW THIS IDIOTIC ADVENTURE GOES USUALLY. THE GUY ON THE SCREEN. THAT'S YOU.
52684	CONFUSED YET?? HA HA. IT ONLY GOES DOWN HILL FROM HERE. PREPARE TO BE FRUSTRATED AND ANGRY. AS MORE THINGS HAPPEN.
52685	YOU FUCK AROUND HEARTILY. AGAIN, BY YOU I MEAN HIM. I KNOW, IT IS COUNTER INTUITIVE. BUT I WILL KEEP SAYING HE'S YOU, BECAUSE OF MY "ARTISTIC LICENSE".
52686	THE YOU MALE FUCKS AROUND A LOT LIKE THIS. BOUNCING AROUND AND JITTERING, WASTING TIME. BUT THE SECRET IS THAT IT'S ACTUALLY ME FUCKING AROUND. I MOVE THIS GUY AROUND LIKE A PUPPET. WITH MY IMAGINARY HAND. SEE?
52687	AND I TELL MY PUPPET WHAT TO DO. BY TYPING ORDERS IN THE THING. WHILE PRETENDING THAT *YOU* ARE TYPING THEM. IT IS A DISINGENUOUS RUSE AT BEST. TO MAKE YOU BELIEVE YOU ARE GUIDING MY PUPPET. WHILE ALSO BIZARRELY INSISTING THAT YOU *ARE* THE PUPPET, BY CALLING HIM YOU. I UNSUCCESSFULLY STRIVE TO IMMERSE YOU IN AN EXPERIENCE. THAT NO ONE WITH A BRAIN. COULD EVER CONCEIVABLY WISH TO PARTICIPATE IN REGARDLESS.
52688	BUT IN THE END. THE JOKE OF IT ALL IS. IT'S JUST ME TELLING MYSELF WHAT TO DO WITH MY PUPPET. AND THEN DOING IT. YOU WILL AGREE THIS IS THE HEIGHT OF CREATIVE SELF INDULGENCE.
52689	IN FACT, FOR ME TO EVEN BE MOCKING THE PRACTICE. ALMOST FEELS. INCESTUOUSLY MASTURBATORY.
52690	(EVEN THOUGH THAT IS A REDUNDANT PHRASE FOR CHERUBS...)
52691	BEEP BEEP BEEP.
52692	ALL ABOARD THE IDIOT WAGON!
52693	THIS IS THE KIND OF THING THAT HAPPENS ALMOST EVERY SCREEN. AS OPPOSED TO ACCOMPLISHING THINGS THAT ARE IMPORTANT, OR MAKE SENSE. LET'S TAKE NOTE OF THE FACT THAT I AM SLAMMING THIS TENDENCY. AND MOVE ON.
52694	OK, YOU GO OVER THERE. YOU STAND THERE AND NOTHING HAPPENS.
52695	GOD DAMN I AM GOOD AT THIS.
52696	YOU GET ON THE SHAPE AND I MAKE YOU DO A DANCE. I USE THE PRINCIPLE OF "ANIMATION" TO PUT MOVEMENTS IN MOTION. SOMEHOW.
52697	YOU NOTICE BY NOW MY STORY TELLING GENIUS. I DREW MY PUPPET. AND I DREW HIS ROOM. AND THAT'S IT. NOW ALL I HAVE TO DO IS MOVE HIM AROUND THE ROOM AND MAKE HIM DO MEANINGLESS THINGS FOR "LAUGHS".
52698	BUT THE REALLY FUNNY THING IS? THE LAUGHTER IS MOSTLY COMING FROM ME.
52699	THIS WAY. I CAN MAKE SO MANY OF THESE STORY RECTANGLES SO FAST.
52700	SO IT SEEMS TO EVERYONE WHO IS STUPID ENOUGH. TO LOOK AT MY RECTANGLES IN THE FIRST PLACE. THAT SO MUCH IS HAPPENING. AND THE "PLOT" IS ADVANCING AT BREAK NECK SPEED!
52701	BECAUSE THE TRUTH IS. THERE IS NO PLOT.
52702	NOTHING IS ACTUALLY HAPPENING EVER. JUST A LOT OF BULLSHIT LIKE THIS. WITH CAKES AND CARDS FLYING EVERY WHICH WAY. AND YOU ARE JUST SITTING THERE.
52703	FROWNING AT IT.
52704	THE LUCKY MALE IS OBLIVIOUS TO HIS PRIVILEGE. OF NOT BEING CHAINED TO HIS ROOM, WITH THE HORRIBLE SISTER HE DOESN'T HAVE. THE ADVANTAGE MAKES HIM WAY TOO OVERPOWERED, AND THEREFORE HE IS WHAT SOME REFER TO AS A "HUMAN MARY SUE". THIS MAKES HIM LESS SYMPATHETIC, AND GIVES YOU ANOTHER REASON. TO ACTIVELY ROUTE FOR HIS DEATH.
52705	HE GOES DOWNSTAIRS. AND YOU THINK, AH HA. THIS IS IT. SOMETHING IMPORTANT IS HAPPENING. BUT YOUR OBSERVATION IS ANOTHER BRAINLESS FALLACY. THE THING HAPPENING HERE IS JUST AS POINTLESS AS EVERYTHING ELSE.
52706	THE LARGER HOMO SAPIEN IS OBVIOUSLY ATTEMPTING TO HELP THE MALE GROW UP AND BECOME *STRONG*. THROUGH A RITE OF PASSAGE INVOLVING SWEETS. POSSIBLY TO HELP THE MALE BECOME A TRICKSTER?
52707	BUT THE MALE IS STUBBORN AND REFUSES. LIKE AN IDIOT.
52708	IT TURNS OUT THE MALE CAN LEAVE AFTER ALL. RELATIVELY UNHINDERED. BASICALLY CONTRADICTING THE ENTIRE PREMISE OF THE STORY. WHAT A JOKE, YOU SAY TO YOURSELF. YOU THE READER THOUGH. NOT YOU THE MALE.
52709	IT BEGINS TO DAWN ON YOU. THAT EVERYTHING YOU JUST DID. MAY HAVE BEEN A COLOSSAL WASTE OF TIME.
52710	IT ALSO BEGINS TO DAWN ON YOU. THAT I WAS THE ONE ALL ALONG. WHO ILLUSTRATED THIS FANTASTIC CARTOON RECTANGLE. WHICH YOU REMEMBER THAT YOU SAW BEFORE SOMEWHERE. AND YOU NOW FIND THIS REVELATION TO BE. ALMOST AS RETROACTIVELY PLAUSIBLE. AS IT IS MIND BLOWING.
52711	IT BRINGS TO MIND A FAMOUS QUOTE. FROM A CELEBRATED POET OF YORE. THAT I THINK GOES LIKE THIS.
52712	"WELL SHIT. THAT'S A HELL OF A MYSTERY. NO ONE THOUGHT WAS A MYSTERY. AND DIDN'T EVEN REALLY NEED SOLVING. BUT DAMN IF IT DIDN'T JUST GET SOLVED. SO NICE WORK."
52713	- CHERUB SHAKESPEARE, PROBABLY.
52714	IN THE INTEREST OF FULL DISCLOSURE THOUGH. WHEN DOING FINE ART. SOMETIMES IT PAYS TO CHEAT. AND FIND THINGS THAT ARE HARD TO DRAW. ON THE INTERNET. WHERE THEY ARE ALREADY THERE FOR YOU.
52715	THIS CAN SAVE TIME. AND MAKE YOU APPEAR TO BE BETTER AT THINGS. THAN YOU REALLY ARE.
52716	TAKE THIS ADVICE TO HEART. IF YOU WANT TO BE AS SUCCESSFUL AS ME. (NOT GOING TO HAPPEN, BTW.)
52717	AFTER AN ENDLESS PARADE OF UNAMUSING AND INCONSEQUENTIAL EVENTS. FINALLY SOMETHING HAPPENS.
52718	YOU WILL FIND THIS IS CUSTOMARY FOR THIS TALE. LOTS AND LOTS OF STUPID UNIMPORTANT THINGS HAPPEN. THEN FINALLY OUT OF NOWHERE. A STUPID IMPORTANT THING HAPPENS.
52719	A METEOR APPEARS WITHOUT EXPLANATION. IT IS HEADED DIRECTLY FOR THE MALE. THERE IS NOTHING HE CAN DO BUT ACCEPT HIS FATE. LOOK. HE DOES NOT EVEN TRY TO FLEE, BECAUSE HE IS AN IGNORAMUS.
52720	YOU (HE) ARE THOROUGHLY MURDERED BY THE EXPLOSION. YOU (NOT HIM) ARE STUNNED AND YET UNDERWHELMED BY THE MOMENT OF ANTICLIMAX. AS YOU CONTINUE TO BOGGLE VACANTLY. YOU REAFFIRM YOUR SUSPICION. THAT NOTHING YOU JUST DID MATTERED AT ALL.
52721	YOU (I) PRODUCE PHOTOGRAPHIC EVIDENCE OF THE SLAUGHTERED MALE BODY. HE IS INDEED DEAD. AND WILL STAY DEAD FOR THE WHOLE STORY. ONLY HIS GHOST WILL SHOW UP NOW AND THEN. IN A BLURRY FLASH OF LIGHT. TO HAUNT ME PERIODICALLY THROUGHOUT HISTORY. (BUT I WILL SAY MORE ABOUT THAT LATER.)
52722	YOU (YOU) THINK THE ABOVE GRAPHIC LOOKS FAMILIAR. YOU THINK YOU HAVE SEEN THIS GREAT DRAWING BEFORE, IN A DIFFERENT CONTEXT. YOU SEE. THIS IS WHAT MASTER STORY TELLERS REFER TO AS A "VISUAL CALLBACK". TRULY EXCEPTIONAL PROFESSIONALS OFTEN WILL TAKE AN OLD DRAWING THEY DID. THAT SHOWS A SIMILAR SITUATION. AND DO A COUPLE OF HALF ASSED THINGS. LIKE CHANGE THE COLORS. TO MAKE IT SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT.
52723	YOU (STILL YOU) OBSERVE THAT THIS INGENIOUS FEAT OF LAZINESS. MAKES THE REPEATED THINGS SEEM MORE PROFOUND AND MEANINGFUL THAN THEY ARE. FOR REASONS YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. BECAUSE THEY DON'T EXIST. THIS IS A TRADE SECRET AMONG SKILLED ARTISANS SUCH AS I.
52724	PLEASE TRY TO KEEP THIS ON THE DOWN LOW. AND NOT TELL ANYBODY. IT CAN BE OUR SECRET. THEY DON'T EVEN NEED TO KNOW!
52725	THIS CONCLUDES THE FIRST THING OF THE STORY. WHICH IS CALLED AN "ACT".
52726	THERE ARE A LOT OF THESE. AND THEY ONLY GET LONGER. AND THEN BEGIN TO SPLIT? INTO ACT ACTS. AND ACT ACT ACTS. TRUST ME. THE STRUCTURE RAPIDLY DETERIORATES INTO UTTER NONSENSE. OR AT LEAST IT WOULD. IF IT HAD NOT ALREADY BEGUN. AS SUCH A REEKING PILE OF SHIT OUT OF THE BOX.
52727	BUT PLEASE DO NOT WORRY. I WILL BE THERE TO GUIDE YOU. THROUGH EVERY MIND NUMBING TWIST AND TURN. WHILE PRODDING THE MATERIAL WITH MY KEEN WIT. AND SATIRICIZE THE HELL OUT OF EVERYTHING. TO HOLD THE RESPONSIBLE PARTIES FULLY ACCOUNTABLE FOR THESE CRIMES. WHILE MAXIMALLY VALIDATING MY ANGRINESS ABOUT IT.
52728	MAYBE YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO SEE SOME OTHER STUFF. LIKE WHAT HAPPENS TO ALL THESE IDIOTS "NEXT"? THE ANSWER IS OBVIOUSLY WHO CARES. THIS IS GOING TO BE SO MUCH BETTER. EITHER WAY, YOU HAVE NO CHOICE. I AM IN TOTAL CHARGE HERE NOW.
52729	I BELIEVE AT THIS POINT. ANOTHER ONE OF MY VILLAINOUS, FULL THROATED LAUGHS WILL BE IN ORDER.
52730	HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. oh. whoops.
52731	hold on. brb.
52732	I MEAN BRB.
52733	WHAT IS ALL THIS SHIT.
52734	HORSES?
52735	WHY HORSES. IS IT SUPPOSED TO BE IRONIC OR SOMETHING. THAT THE VERY OBJECTS FALLING OUT OF THIS BOX. WOULD BE IN THE PROXIMITY OF SOME HORSES? I DON'T GET IT.
52736	AND WHAT'S THIS. AN ILLUSTRATION MANUAL OF SOME SORT? IS SOMEONE IMPLYING I WOULD BENEFIT FROM THIS. FUCK WHOEVER IS IMPLYING THAT. BY STORING IT IN A SECRET HOLE FOR ME TO DISCOVER.
52737	WHO IS THIS EXTRAVAGANT BITCH.
52738	IS SHE PARTLY A ROBOT. SORT OF LIKE ME. OH, SHE SEEMS TO BE AN ARTIST TOO. ALSO LIKE ME.
52739	DID SHE DRAW HERSELF?? I DON'T SEE HOW THAT'S POSSIBLE. CONSIDERING SHE IS FICTIONAL. AS WELL AS A GIRL. SOME OTHER VERY SKILLED DRAFTSMAN MUST HAVE DRAWN IT. BUT HOW DID HE MAKE IT LOOK LIKE SHE IS COMING OUT OF THE PAPER? WHEN I TURN THE BOOK. THE IMAGE STAYS FLAT. AND THE ILLUSION IS EXPOSED. I WONDER IF THE SORCERER OF THIS SO CALLED "MANGA" REVEALS THE NATURE OF HIS WIZARDRY INSIDE THE TOME.
52740	WHY IS THE FRIENDLY BITCH LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT. WITH THE LARGE GLASSY EYES, AND SHINY FACE. IT'S MAKING ME HAVE WEIRD FEELINGS IN MY BODY.
52741	I HAVE TO PUT THIS DOWN.
52742	UH.
52743	WHAT.
52744	OH HELL NO.
52745	OH *HELLLLLLLLLLL* NO.
52746	OK, FINE. LET'S SEE HOW HIS DUMB CARTRIDGE RUNS. WITH JUST A PINCH OF STAR DUST!!!
52747	OH YES. AND HOW ABOUT SOME DELICIOUS FALSE TEETH FOR GOOD MEASURE. WHY NOT.
52748	I AM NO EXPERT ON MICRO CHIPS. BUT I DOUBT THESE CONDITIONS ARE IDEAL!
52749	YES. PERFECT. "THE SHOW MUST GO ON." SO AS TO QUOTE. ANOTHER FAMOUS CHERUB. THOUGH I'M NOT SURE WHICH ONE. PROBABLY A SPORTS LEGEND, I WOULD GUESS.
52750	WHILE I PAUSE TO GATHER MY THOUGHTS. FOR MY ACT 2 TIRADE. PLEASE ENJOY THIS INTERMISSION CARTRIDGE, OR WHATEVER IT IS. WITH ITS "EXCITING NEW GAMEPLAY FEATURES".
52751	I HOPE IT DOESN'T HAVE ANY PROBLEMS OR ANYTHING!
52752	The cool Flash animation is unexpectedly cut short due a critical stardust clog. What a shame. Those exciting new gameplay features were looking real slick, too. You think it was pretty neat how the panels were sliding around like that. Oh well, you probably didn't miss all that much.
52753	Nevertheless, on a hunch you navigate once again to your trusty bandcamp page, and check the length of the song in question. Your fears are confirmed. It seems you missed four solid minutes of footage. You wonder if you'll ever find out what happened?
52754	You decide to click on the planets above to try to make some sense of the situation.
52755	TG: hey
52756	CG: WHAT.
52757	TG: i hope this isnt too dumb a question but
52758	TG: do you have any idea how i got here
52759	CG: GOT WHERE?
52760	TG: lohac
52761	CG: WHAT'S LOHAC??
52762	TG: its my old planet
52763	TG: you know with the lava and shit
52764	TG: remember?
52765	CG: ...
52766	TG: it has dumb crocodiles
52767	TG: and a stock market
52768	TG: or at least it used to have one
52769	TG: dunno if they locked it down since that time i literally ransacked the entire economy
52770	CG: IF YOU SAY SO!
52771	CG: I HAVE MORE IMPORTANT THINGS TO WORRY ABOUT.
52772	CG: LIKE TRYING TO REMEMBER HOW I GOT HERE.
52773	TG: where are you
52774	CG: I'M ON THE PLANET WITH THE VOLCANO.
52775	CG: THAT WAS JADE'S PLANET, RIGHT?
52776	TG: lofaf?
52777	CG: I DON'T KNOW!
52778	CG: I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE ACRONYMS FOR YOUR PLANETS ARE.
52779	CG: IT'S BEEN THREE YEARS SINCE I LAST SAW THEM, AND EVEN THEN I WAS *BARELY* PAYING ATTENTION TO WHAT THEY WERE CALLED BECAUSE I WAS BUSY TROLLING YOU.
52780	TG: land of frost and frogs
52781	CG: ARE YOU SURE? I DON'T SEE ANY FROST!
52782	TG: yeah it melted
52783	CG: WHAT ABOUT THE FROGS? DID THEY MELT TOO??
52784	TG: no
52785	TG: i mean i doubt it you probably just cant see any right now
52786	TG: can you hear any ribbits
52787	CG: MOTHERFUCKER, DID YOU JUST ASK ME IF I CAN HEAR ANY RIBBITS?
52788	TG: yes
52789	CG: THIS ISN'T JOKE-AROUND PALTIME, DAVE! WE ALL SEEM TO BE SUFFERING FROM SOME FORM OF AMNESIA.
52790	CG: DON'T YOU THINK WE SHOULD TRY TO GET TO THE BOTTOM OF THAT?
52791	TG: probably
52792	TG: how long have you and kanaya been on lofaf
52793	CG: HOW DO YOU KNOW I'M HERE WITH KANAYA?
52794	TG: talkin to her rn
52795	CG: OH
52796	CG: ARE YOU WITH ANYONE ON LOHAM?
52797	TG: lohac
52798	CG: WHATEVER.
52799	TG: and yeah im with the mayor
52800	CG: YOU'RE WITH THE MAYOR?
52801	TG: yes
52802	CG: AND NOBODY ELSE??
52803	TG: yeah
52804	CG: WHY ARE YOU WITH THE MAYOR?
52805	TG: dunno i just am
52806	TG: not that i am complaining one bit the mayor as always rules categorically
52807	TG: (fyi i just hi fived him for like the third time in a row to my recent recollection)
52808	CG: YOU LUCKY SON OF A BITCH.
52809	TG: so whats the last thing you actually do remember
52810	CG: I REMEMBER...
52811	CG: JADE.
52812	TG: right
52813	TG: me too
52814	TG: but she was like a fuckin werewolf or something
52815	CG: YEAH.
52816	CG: THAT WAS PRETTY FREAKY.
52817	TG: wait
52818	TG: then she zapped us to that stonehenge place
52819	CG: OH YEAH!
52820	CG: AND JOHN WAS THERE.
52821	TG: yeah
52822	TG: we all landed in some grass like a pile of fuckups
52823	TG: and then
52824	TG: damn
52825	TG: then what happened
52826	CG: I DON'T KNOW.
52827	TG: what the hell happened to john
52828	TG: so are you just as brain damaged as we are
52829	GA: Whos We
52830	TG: me and karkat
52831	GA: Of Course Not
52832	GA: But If Youre Referring To The Short Term Memory Loss We All Seem To Be Experiencing Yes Ive Got That Too
52833	TG: ok
52834	TG: so you have no idea how you got to lofaf then
52835	GA: How Do You Know Im On Lofaf
52836	TG: im talking to karkat
52837	GA: I Didnt Think Karkat Could Remember The Acronyms For Your Planets
52838	TG: yeah but i dont think thats the memory loss issue thats just him being an idiot
52839	TG: but lets not get into that
52840	GA: Okay
52841	TG: wheres rose
52842	GA: Shes Apparently On Lolar
52843	TG: oh
52844	TG: what about terezi
52845	GA: Shes With Rose
52846	TG: do they remember what happened
52847	GA: No
52848	GA: But It Seems Theyve Both Surmised The Missing Events Since We Arrived
52849	TG: what
52850	TG: how
52851	GA: Well They Are Seers After All
52852	TG: friggin seers
52853	TG: all makin us knights look bad
52854	TG: and whatever you are
52855	TG: what were you again
52856	GA: Im A Sylph!!!
52857	TG: what the dick is a sylph
52858	GA: I Am On Record As Once Having Facetiously Likened It To A Magical Witch
52859	TG: but witches are already magical arent they
52860	TG: like by definition
52861	TG: oh wait thats the joke i guess
52862	TG: god damn this missing time shit is makin me feel dumb as hell
52863	GA: If Its Any Reassurance You Seem Like The Same Old Dave To Me
52864	TG: ok good
52865	TG: so what do the seers think happened
52866	GA: I Dont Know
52867	GA: Rose Was Trying To Tell Me But She Ceased Being Comprehensible
52868	TG: oh god
52869	TG: is she still drunk
52870	GA: No
52871	GA: Its Just That Her Words Suddenly Became
52872	GA: Why Dont You Just Talk To Her And See For Yourself
52873	TG: ok
52874	TG: wow youre right
52875	TG: haha wtf
52876	TG: man i cant even describe it
52877	TG: its not just that her text is unreadable gibberish
52878	TG: i mean it is
52879	TG: but its more than that
52880	TG: its like
52881	TG: existentially inscrutable somehow
52882	GA: I Know Right
52883	TG: i think we may have a problem here
52884	John Egbert has gone missing.
52885	The thing zooms into the circle representing Derse and suddenly a character select screen explodes into action. Yet again, you find yourself overwhelmed by feelings of narrative empowerment as you agonize over which of these two lawless ladies you will hitch your wagon to as you blaze a new trail through the treacherous frontiers of interactive fiction...
52886	Oh crud, you say. More stardust glitches. You just click them both in whatever order you feel like, and hope for the best.
52887	It appears the current path is too corrupted to continue. You can't even open the dialoglog. It is simply too shitty.
52888	Perhaps this part of the story will clear up a little later, and you will be able to resume this arc. Until then, no dice.
52889	JADE: woof
52890	ROXY: yo did you just woof
52891	JADE: yes i just woofed
52892	ROXY: i see
52893	ROXY: but u can also talk in person language it would seem
52894	JADE: yes i can talk in person language
52895	ROXY: so why dont you say person things instead of woofs
52896	JADE: oh dont worry...
52897	JADE: i will say lots of person things to you
52898	JADE: for you see roxy
52899	JADE: we have many person things to discuss
52900	ROXY: (lmao)
52901	JADE: excuse me but did you just "laugh your ass off" at me under your breath
52902	ROXY: ummm
52903	ROXY: yea
52904	ROXY: maybe
52905	JADE: :|
52906	JADE: i fail to see what is so amusing
52907	ROXY: u do
52908	ROXY: seriously?
52909	JADE: .....
52910	JADE: ok i guess the situation is a little funny because of this absurd folder
52911	JADE: and the fact that i woofed at you probably didnt help either
52912	JADE: but im not here to share a good laugh over the old ladys sense of design or her penchant for scrapbooking!
52913	JADE: i am here to make sure that you do as youre told
52914	ROXY: ugh
52915	JADE: now take the file and review your assignment
52916	ROXY: i already looked at it
52917	ROXY: its dumb and impossible and i aint cooperating w her regardless!
52918	JADE: yes you will
52919	ROXY: can we change the subject
52920	JADE: no
52921	ROXY: arent you jakes grandma
52922	JADE: thats what he told me when we were pen pals
52923	JADE: but i think its more accurate to say im his alternate universe biological daughter
52924	ROXY: oh
52925	ROXY: that clears that up then
52926	JADE: yes, it does :p
52927	JADE: now take the damn folder
52928	ROXY: so alt grannydaughter english
52929	ROXY: whyre u part dog + evil lookin
52930	JADE: DO NOT CALL ME THAT!!!
52931	ROXY: what
52932	JADE: my surname is harley not english
52933	JADE: but you may refer to me as jade, or ma'am if you are feeling especially nervous and deferential
52934	JADE: which as it turns out is the way you should be feeling about me, ALWAYS >:B
52935	ROXY: LOL!!!
52936	JADE: lol WHAT
52937	ROXY: jade i am in no way buying that ur normally this pompous and tyrannical
52938	ROXY: the shtick rly doesnt suit you its so obvious
52939	ROXY: why you doin the batterhags tacky bidding anyway
52940	ROXY: she got you under an xtra terrestrial fish spell or
52941	JADE: SILENCE!!!!!!
52942	ROXY: OOF!
52943	JADE: open the file
52944	ROXY: mrphmmphumph
52945	JADE: OPEN IT!
52946	ROXY: fine :(
52947	ROXY: ok i opened it
52948	ROXY: hey look its the same shit as before
52949	ROXY: im supposed to make this weird knobbly spike ball appear out of nothin
52950	JADE: yes
52951	ROXY: ok got it
52952	ROXY: let me give it a shot then
52953	ROXY: ...
52954	ROXY: welp still impossible
52955	ROXY: what now maam??
52956	JADE: it is not impossible
52957	ROXY: is 2
52958	JADE: you are the rogue of void
52959	JADE: dont you know what that means?
52960	ROXY: i dunno
52961	ROXY: means i can turn invisible and stuff?
52962	ROXY: like the blonde in that crappy superhero quartet
52963	JADE: it means a lot more than that
52964	JADE: your true powers are more impressive than those of anyone else in your crappy quartet
52965	JADE: in fact i would say they are almost as cool as mine >:)
52966	ROXY: not sure the ability to make weird spikeballs outta nothin is all that cool tbh
52967	JADE: not just spikeballs!
52968	JADE: imagine that your title is roughly synonymous with "one who steals nothing"
52969	JADE: what do you think it means to be able to steal nothing?
52970	ROXY: it means
52971	ROXY: im like a shitty cat burglar who sucks at her job?
52972	JADE: WRONG
52973	JADE: it means just the opposite
52974	JADE: it means you can steal the essence of nothingness from something
52975	JADE: you can rob nothingness from an idea if you put your mind to it
52976	JADE: effectively allowing you to conjure virtually anything out of thin air
52977	ROXY: omg
52978	ROXY: u cant be serious
52979	ROXY: that is way too much superpower 4 a dork like me 2 have
52980	JADE: grrrrr...
52981	ROXY: oh no
52982	ROXY: pls dont growl @ me dogjade
52983	ROXY: is legit frightening :(
52984	JADE: im sorry, but your remarks of self deprecation made me very angry
52985	JADE: once i was even more of a dork than you
52986	JADE: but now i am one of the most powerful beings who has ever existed
52987	JADE: i dont want to hear any whining about what you think you cant do
52988	JADE: you are hereby under strict orders from myself and her condescension to "clam up" and conjure that orb, do you understand?
52989	ROXY: so im just supposed to
52990	ROXY: sit here and think about this ugly ball
52991	ROXY: and twiddle my fingers or somethin
52992	ROXY: ?
52993	JADE: you tell me
52994	JADE: space is my racket, not void
52995	ROXY: maybe it would help if i knew what the dang thing WAS
52996	ROXY: how am i supposed to steal the nonexistence from a concept when the concept only exists in my mind as "ugly ball"
52997	JADE: its called the matriorb
52998	JADE: it is the key to resurrecting the troll race
52999	JADE: once you create it the empress will hatch it on an uninhabited planet located beyond the reach of her cruel employer
53000	JADE: there her people will have another chance to thrive without the ever looming threat of extinction that comes with his influence
53001	JADE: so you see roxy, there is nothing noble about refusing to help
53002	JADE: once an entire alien race went extinct because of a terrible monster, and you can help give them a second chance
53003	JADE: dont you want that?
53004	ROXY: um
53005	ROXY: in theory sure i guess
53006	ROXY: but ur basically asking me to bring a lot of people back to life so they can be slaves to that witch
53007	ROXY: u want me to help make all these fresh new trolls but then just turn em over to her? like here you go have fun SNORKELBITCH MEGAHITLER
53008	ROXY: i do not actually think i wanna do that??
53009	JADE: yes fair enough, but heres the other thing...
53010	JADE: if you dont i am going to kill you
53011	ROXY: oh noes
53012	JADE: oh yesses!
53013	JADE: a literal plurality of yesses
53014	JADE: seeing as you are a god tier it is very likely you will come back to life
53015	JADE: so i can just keep killing you over and over a different way each time
53016	JADE: maybe i will disembowel you a few times
53017	JADE: i will not even need to use my sharp doggy teeth!
53018	JADE: i will just snap my fingers and your delicious guts will teleport outside your body
53019	ROXY: ew!
53020	JADE: no way more like yum
53021	JADE: i will just keep on killing you again and again
53022	JADE: until you finally get tired of dying and follow your orders
53023	ROXY: maaan
53024	ROXY: evil jade is sucky jade
53025	JADE: i believe you will find i am the suckiest jade there is
53026	JADE: now we are going to be here in this cell for as long as it takes
53027	JADE: i am not going anywhere until you try doing your voidey thing and make something appear
53028	JADE: is that understood?
53029	ROXY: blehhhh
53030	ROXY: fine
53031	ROXY: why u gotta be so awful jade
53032	ROXY: really putting a cramp on us makin choice new friends w each other
53033	ROXY: oh well here goes
53034	ROXY: all twiddlin my fingers and such
53035	ROXY: busting out tha MAJYYXXX! prayin up a storm to the holy wizardchrist they aint fake...
53036	ROXY: alright check it
53037	ROXY: one jank ass space egg coming up
53038	ROXY: ABRACA HAPPEN!
53039	ROXY: this is not a space egg
53040	JADE: no, its not
53041	ROXY: balls
53042	ROXY: guess i effed up my void spell
53043	ROXY: what is this thing
53044	JADE: thats a perfectly generic object
53045	ROXY: its perfectly generic?
53046	JADE: yes
53047	ROXY: dunno about that
53048	ROXY: looks like a green cube to me
53049	ROXY: with like
53050	ROXY: slightly beveled corners
53051	JADE: thats what a perfectly generic object is
53052	ROXY: couldnt something theoretically be more generic than this
53053	JADE: how
53054	ROXY: um
53055	ROXY: i dunno
53056	JADE: exactly
53057	ROXY: :\
53058	JADE: if you want your powers to reach their full potential youre going to need to become more familiar with the fundamental building blocks of ideas and how they translate into more complicated thoughts and forms
53059	JADE: then it becomes a simple matter of using your abilities to snatch those concepts from unreality
53060	ROXY: sounds too hard
53061	ROXY: better start killing me repeatedly and get it over with
53062	JADE: we both know you dont think its too hard, you think it sounds like an interesting challenge
53063	ROXY: dammit!
53064	ROXY: (fucken jakes wily bitch ass grandma)
53065	JADE: this is a very good start though
53066	JADE: with a little practice im sure our empress will have her orb in no time
53067	ROXY: well at least i know i can make a whole lot of these boring cubes if all else fails
53068	ROXY: hey maybe ill build a sick fort outta them
53069	ROXY: hehehe jade tell me that wouldnt be so baller
53070	JADE: it would be fairly baller
53071	ROXY: fyeah
53072	JADE: keep trying for that orb though
53073	JADE: i will return in a while to review your progress
53074	JADE: and remember, dont get any funny ideas
53075	ROXY: but p much all my ideas are funny
53076	JADE: i mean dont try to escape!
53077	JADE: even if you are invisible i will be able to track you down instantly
53078	JADE: my sense of smell is very good
53079	JADE: now if youll excuse me i have some business to attend to
53080	ROXY: what business
53081	JADE: i am still trying to locate my brother
53082	JADE: but im having trouble picking up his scent
53083	JADE: hes using his windy powers to obscure the trail and its giving me fits
53084	ROXY: windy powers eh
53085	ROXY: who is your bro?
53086	JADE: woof!!!
53087	JADE: i mean shoosh :x
53088	JADE: that is enough questions from you
53089	JADE: now i believe you have a space egg to conjure
53090	ROXY: (mumble mumble egg mumble shove it grumble)
53091	JADE: what?
53092	ROXY: (mumble mutter my fat ass)
53093	JADE: farewell roxy
53094	You return to the character select screen upon having completed one of the above arcs. Oh yeah, that's right. You forgot you even came from this select screen. Some of these choosable paths start getting a little long, you think. Per the drill, you double check to make sure you've clicked on them all before proceeding.
53095	On the other hand, if this is your first time seeing this page, then welcome to the p=008199 character select screen. It's like a triple scoop of ice cream piled generously atop your waffle cone of free will, making you a truly happy camper. You begin to wonder why this paragraph didn't come first. "Kind of burying the lede there," to quote your private observation verbatim.
53096	DAVE: so weird being back here
53097	DAVE: cant believe how long ago it feels since i lived in this place
53098	DAVE: spent way too long wallowing in our own filth on that gnarly meteor thats for sure
53099	DAVE: this doesnt even seem like my room anymore
53100	DAVE: its like trespassing or something like im horning in on somebody elses life
53101	DAVE: a life lived most sweetly though i will admit
53102	DAVE: ahahaha the fuckin toilets still there
53103	DAVE: i remember when jade put that there that is perhaps like my favorite memory
53104	DAVE: wish jade wasnt crazy just makes me remember how much i miss not crazy jade
53105	DAVE: or less crazy jade
53106	DAVE: wait
53107	DAVE: didnt karkat once say terezi ripped a troll toilet out of his house
53108	DAVE: what is with girls and their universally constant tendency to rip out plumbing fixtures
53109	DAVE: did i just accidentally crack another cosmic riddle or
53110	DAVE: i gotta txt him and get confirmation on this asap
53111	DAVE: actually nah
53112	DAVE: i probably harangued the poor guy with enough of my bs the last few years
53113	DAVE: ill just keep shufflin thru memory lane making wistful observations out loud
53114	DAVE: you know it kinda chaps my bulge that people rip on me for talking to myself
53115	DAVE: its like the most perfectly natural thing to do
53116	DAVE: why are people so up tight about keepin a lid on their monologues what a bunch of stuffy pricks
53117	DAVE: ive always found the sound of my own voice to be mysteriously soothing
53118	DAVE: haha talk about an embarrassing sentence to say in earshot of an actual person
53119	DAVE: well maybe not the mayor
53120	DAVE: you can always tell the mayor anything <3
53121	DAVE: hahaha this piece of shit is still here too
53122	DAVE: didnt we use this thing like ONCE
53123	DAVE: what a useless pile of trash in hindsight
53124	DAVE: sometimes i think this game was designed by an idiot
53125	DAVE: wasnt it called like
53126	DAVE: the laserbeam intellivision or something
53127	DAVE: id throw it in the lava but that would be a waste of melting
53128	DAVE: oh yeah
53129	DAVE: almost forgot about my ill beats from the past
53130	DAVE: i wonder if theyre as ill as i remember
53131	DAVE: ok i just pushed some buttons and verified they remain as ill as the day they were dropped
53132	DAVE: ill have to send them to karkat he has always been an enthusiastic patron of my exceptional science
53133	DAVE: i mean sure he says it sucks and maybe he even believes that on some pathetic sub intellectual plane of consciousness which gross philistines operate on their whole lives
53134	DAVE: but whenever he gets a load of my hype
53135	DAVE: i see him there
53136	DAVE: tapping his foot ever so slightly
53137	DAVE: i see him
53138	DAVE: this poster...
53139	DAVE: love this poster
53140	DAVE: its like an old friend
53141	DAVE: never even knew who these guys were or what their deal was
53142	DAVE: never gave it much thought i guess
53143	DAVE: doubt ill ever find out at this point
53144	DAVE: oh well
53145	DAVE: some things i guess were never meant to be figured out
53146	DAVE: or benefit from any kind of elaboration
53147	DAVE: not even years later
53148	DAVE: just the way it is sometimes
53149	DAVE: its like ive said before
53150	DAVE: this poster is a hell of a mystery
53151	DAVE: that i never even thought was a mystery
53152	DAVE: and it would be pretty cool if somebody solved it
53153	DAVE: but damn if thats ever gonna happen
53154	DAVE: so thats a shame
53155	DAVE: aw hell its my old dead things collection
53156	DAVE: what a stupid blast from the past
53157	DAVE: i seriously cannot remember if i was sincere with this shit
53158	DAVE: i was probably trying to flex my underdeveloped irony muscles
53159	DAVE: like the shrimpiest kid at the hipster gym
53160	DAVE: why does my childhood room have to be such a predictable museum of embarrassments
53161	DAVE: i dont know
53162	DAVE: some of these things are kind of cool actually
53163	DAVE: like from a standpoint of objective reevaluation afforded by the sobering maturity that comes with being literally 100% grown up now
53164	DAVE: dead things are actually pretty rad
53165	DAVE: i feel like if i was legitmately into all this then more should have come of the interest
53166	DAVE: like there could have been like
53167	DAVE: entire CONVERSATIONS about it that never even took place
53168	DAVE: hey rose youll never guess what im excited about and have loads of dialogue to spill over
53169	DAVE: whats that dave
53170	DAVE: ancient mollusks
53171	DAVE: hmmmmmmmm said rose
53172	DAVE: how many bananas do you think this paw clutched back when it was alive and attached to a monkey
53173	DAVE: dave i really must say
53174	DAVE: this conversation blows
53175	DAVE: yeah sorry
53176	DAVE: maybe i could have really developed this interest
53177	DAVE: maybe i could have been something cool as a result
53178	DAVE: like what even profession is this
53179	DAVE: a dead shit ogler?
53180	DAVE: no wait
53181	DAVE: probably a paleontologist or something
53182	DAVE: i could have been a paleontologist
53183	DAVE: instead of what i became
53184	DAVE: which was
53185	DAVE: uh
53186	DAVE: some pajama packing fuckface from the renaissance fair
53187	DAVE: that would have been the dopeness!
53188	DAVE: eurgh
53189	DAVE: the ironic selfies
53190	DAVE: oh god
53191	DAVE: now this
53192	DAVE: this is some irredeemably mortifying shit here
53193	DAVE: what was i thinking
53194	DAVE: i dont know man
53195	DAVE: i just dont know
53196	DAVE: this is what seasoned veterans call "bad irony"
53197	DAVE: look at this guy
53198	DAVE: what a fucking novice
53199	DAVE: oh who am i kidding
53200	DAVE: i cant stay mad at that face
53201	DAVE: ok this one is pretty funny actually
53202	DAVE: ...
53203	DAVE: eheheh
53204	DAVE: hehehehe
53205	DAVE: haha!
53206	DAVE: hahahahahaha!
53207	DAVE: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
53208	DAVE: WHY
53209	DAVE: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
53210	DAVE: (gasp)
53211	DAVE: WHY CANT
53212	DAVE: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
53213	DAVE: WHY CANT I STOP LAUGHING
53214	DAVE: PFFFFAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
53215	DAVE: YOU WIN!
53216	DAVE: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
53217	DAVE: YOU WIN YOUNG DAVE
53218	DAVE: THESE SELFIES ARE COMEDY GOLD
53219	DAVE: AAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
53220	JOHN: hi dave!
53221	JOHN: what's so funny?
53222	DAVE: whoa
53223	DAVE: john
53224	JOHN: what were you looking at there...
53225	JOHN: hey, are you crying?
53226	DAVE: what
53227	DAVE: no
53228	JOHN: ...
53229	DAVE: i mean i was just laughing too hard at something dumb
53230	DAVE: you know how it is
53231	JOHN: heh, yeah.
53232	JOHN: can i see?
53233	DAVE: no its nothing
53234	DAVE: where the fuck have you been
53235	DAVE: do you remember what happened since we got here
53236	JOHN: yes.
53237	DAVE: well
53238	DAVE: are you gonna fill me in or keep floating there in the most uninformative way possible
53239	JOHN: uh oh.
53240	JOHN: dave, i have to go!
53241	DAVE: what
53242	DAVE: why
53243	JOHN: i can't hang around in one place for too long.
53244	JOHN: let's catch up later, ok?
53245	DAVE: john wait
53246	JOHN: see you buddy!
53247	DAVE: no dont
53248	DAVE: john no stop turning into wind you fickle idiot
53249	DAVE: dont just leave right away that is such an insanely predictable move
53250	DAVE: i said get back here you slippery motherfucker!!!
53251	JADE: hello dave
53252	DAVE: god dammit
53253	JADE: he was just here wasnt he
53254	DAVE: no
53255	JADE: how do you even know who im talking about??
53256	DAVE: look all i know is egbert most definitely didnt just appear out of nowhere and catch me weeplaughing at my selfies
53257	JADE: dave i know he was just here
53258	JADE: i can smell him
53259	DAVE: i keep my apparment misted with his odor at all times
53260	DAVE: essence d'egbert
53261	JADE: degbear?
53262	JADE: what...
53263	DAVE: no like the french pronunciation
53264	JADE: ah
53265	DAVE: anyway im just a lot more comfortable when my whole place reeks of nerd musk
53266	DAVE: so that explains that
53267	JADE: you cant fool me dave
53268	JADE: i will track him down sooner or later
53269	JADE: in any case it doesnt matter
53270	JADE: i came here to see you, not him
53271	DAVE: you did
53272	JADE: come with me
53273	DAVE: where
53274	JADE: out here
53275	JADE: we have some work to do
53276	DAVE: what work
53277	JADE: youre going to need to upgrade your weapon
53278	DAVE: what
53279	DAVE: you mean the deringer
53280	JADE: yes
53281	DAVE: i thought it was like the best possible sword
53282	DAVE: or at least the best possible broken sword
53283	JADE: that may very well be the case
53284	JADE: but it will be useless against lord english
53285	JADE: wouldnt you prefer a weapon that is capable of inflicting damage against him?
53286	DAVE: uh
53287	DAVE: not really?
53288	JADE: of course you would
53289	JADE: this isnt even up for discussion
53290	JADE: now give me the deringer
53291	JADE: we have all been traveling for three long years. what better way to celebrate our reunion than with a little alchemy? :)
53292	DAVE: lots of ways
53293	DAVE: we could have a jade goes back to normal party
53294	DAVE: starring normal jade
53295	JADE: HAR HAR
53296	JADE: gimme the sword
53297	DAVE: ok here
53298	DAVE: how do we make it so it can damage him
53299	JADE: it needs a special ingredient
53300	JADE: something which represents his only known weakness, but hasnt been properly weaponized
53301	DAVE: and you know what that is
53302	JADE: i do
53303	DAVE: how
53304	JADE: i get all my intelligence on such matters from the old lady
53305	JADE: shes had centuries to hatch a plan to settle her score
53306	JADE: over time shes uncovered many secrets about him
53307	DAVE: i dont understand how this is working
53308	DAVE: is she piping all these secrets into your brain
53309	DAVE: along with the evil
53310	JADE: that is not relevant!
53311	DAVE: fair enough
53312	DAVE: i guess technically almost nothing is relevant to the dude youre barking orders to
53313	DAVE: literal barking because of dogginess
53314	JADE: bark bark bark!!!
53315	DAVE: yes exactly like that
53316	DAVE: thank you for participating in the joke
53317	DAVE: now what is this special ingredient and where do we get it
53318	JADE: i already have it right here
53319	DAVE: oh yeah?
53320	JADE: in fact ive had it for about as long as i can remember
53321	JADE: it was right under my doggy snout all along
53322	JADE: remember this?
53323	DAVE: no
53324	JADE: dave are you lying to me?
53325	DAVE: no!
53326	DAVE: ive never seen that thing before
53327	JADE: but i found it on your planet
53328	JADE: it must have gotten here somehow
53329	DAVE: i didnt take your lousy egg
53330	JADE: its not an egg!
53331	DAVE: yeah well these planets are crawling with brainless lizards maybe one of them thought it was an egg
53332	DAVE: and then brought it here cause its warm here and tried to hatch it
53333	JADE: you really have a one track mind when it comes to certain things
53334	DAVE: what things
53335	DAVE: what are you talking about
53336	JADE: davesprite was like that too... i just figured it was because he was part bird
53337	JADE: but no, here you are going on about bird things too just like him :p
53338	DAVE: come on dont compare me to him
53339	DAVE: just cause i think its an eggy looking thing dont mean i think like a damn bird
53340	JADE: mm hmm
53341	JADE: and just because i have these pointy ears doesnt mean i wouldnt kill for some snausages right now!
53342	DAVE: .....................
53343	DAVE: do you actually want snausages
53344	JADE: .....................
53345	JADE: maybe ._.
53346	DAVE: ok well snausages notwithstanding this is bullshit
53347	DAVE: tell me how that thing doesnt look like an egg to you
53348	DAVE: how is that not so obviously SUCH an egg???
53349	JADE: its a cueball dave!
53350	DAVE: i see
53351	DAVE: so if im following
53352	DAVE: then what youre trying to tell me is
53353	DAVE: lord english has some sort of severe egg allergy that we are hoping to exploit
53354	JADE: sigh
53355	JADE: i see its still impossible to have a serious conversation with you, whether you are a sassy bird or not
53356	JADE: i thought regular dave might have matured a little over three years but i guess i was wrong
53357	DAVE: can we just make the eggsword already
53358	DAVE: oh no
53359	DAVE: not the legendary piece of shit again
53360	JADE: pardon?
53361	DAVE: its the fuckin welsh sword again!
53362	JADE: are you telling me you have seen this sword before dave
53363	JADE: how is that possible?
53364	DAVE: i dont know!
53365	DAVE: because i have a shitty quest is how
53366	JADE: .....
53367	DAVE: didnt davesprite tell you anything
53368	DAVE: i found this sword in a gold cave and broke it
53369	DAVE: then davesprite took it to hephaestus who fixed it and upgraded it to the deringer
53370	DAVE: and sent that to me and i broke it again
53371	JADE: you sure seem to break swords a lot
53372	DAVE: i know!!!
53373	DAVE: that has always been my thing for some reason
53374	DAVE: now i guess it turns out my ultimate sword is really just a repaired downgrade of my previously ultimate sword mixed with a cueball?
53375	DAVE: we just cycled right back to caledfwelsh like a bunch of tools
53376	DAVE: that is the most stupid convoluted ass backward way to get a sword out of a stone i can even imagine
53377	DAVE: i feel like somebody somewhere is having a good laugh over this i sure hope like the juggalo equivalent of fuckin loki or whoever the fuck is having a top notch riddlewank at my expense
53378	JADE: :|
53379	DAVE: you know what really gets me is
53380	DAVE: this shitty welsh sword presumably consisted of those ingredients all along which just makes me want to travel back in time to perform a mutually assisted suicide with myself
53381	DAVE: me and other dave can take turns suffocating each other with our own DUMBASS capes
53382	JADE: dave i admit this is a peculiar turn of events, but i think you are overreacting
53383	DAVE: jade this is STUPID
53384	DAVE: my quest is a STUPID PIECE OF GARBAGE QUEST for LAME SHITTY LOSER FUCKHEADS WHO SUCK BALLS WHILE CRAPPING THEIR PANTS
53385	JADE: omg
53386	JADE: youve really spent way too much time alone with karkat havent you
53387	DAVE: ...
53388	DAVE: i need help :(
53389	KARKAT: WHAT'S THAT.
53390	JADE: what this?
53391	KARKAT: YES. THAT.
53392	JADE: earth
53393	KARKAT: THAT'S EARTH??
53394	KARKAT: WHY IS IT SO SMALL
53395	JADE: its small because i shrunk it
53396	JADE: cause im a space witch
53397	JADE: duhhh
53398	KARKAT: OK BUT
53399	KARKAT: WHY DO YOU HAVE IT?
53400	KARKAT: I THOUGHT JACK DESTROYED YOUR UNIVERSE.
53401	JADE: he did
53402	JADE: but i snuck through a portal and nabbed it!
53403	JADE: then i hopped right back through the gate before everything blew up
53404	JADE: i was in and out like a bandit
53405	JADE: you know, i like to think i make a pretty good witch, especially since i turned wicked and all...
53406	JADE: but maybe i would have made an even better thief!
53407	JADE: what do you think jane? do you think i missed my true calling?
53408	JANE: .
53409	JADE: come to think of it, the new empire probably doesnt need anymore thieves
53410	JADE: we already have the greatest thief of all running the show
53411	JADE: she even managed to steal both of us away from all our pals, didnt she jane? ;)
53412	JANE: .
53413	JADE: hehe
53414	JADE: isnt she a riot guys?
53415	KARKAT: THANKS JADE. NO REALLY, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THOSE CLARIFICATIONS, WHILE OBLITERATING ANY SHADOW OF A DOUBT THAT YOU ARE FIRMLY OFF YOUR ROCKER.
53416	KARKAT: BUT MAYBE IF IT'S NOT *TOO* MUCH EXTRA TROUBLE, YOU COULD HELP ME UNDERSTAND WHY YOU'VE STRANDED US ON A BUNCH OF DIFFERENT PLANETS, ONLY TO COME TAUNT ME WITH A WATERLOGGED, MINIATURIZED VERSION OF EARTH???
53417	JADE: it wont be earth for much longer
53418	JADE: it will be home to the new empire
53419	JADE: i will deliver it to the universe we create
53420	JADE: or i should say the one YOU create
53421	JADE: if you are obedient and complete the tasks you are assigned, you may have a place in the empire among the subservient classes
53422	KARKAT: BRRRRRR!
53423	KARKAT: DID YOU FEEL THAT TOO KANAYA? A CHILL JUST RAN DOWN MY TORSO PILLAR DUE TO ALL THE *PURE EVIL* THAT BRAINWASHED JADE IS SAYING! I'M FUCKING PETRIFIED, SOMEBODY HELP ME CHANGE MY SMELLY PANTS!
53424	KARKAT: LISTEN JADE. AND OTHER RANDOM EVIL GIRL, YOU LISTEN TOO. I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR STUPID LITTLE GLOBE OR YOUR OMINOUS ALLUSIONS TO NEW EMPIRES OR WHAT SORT OF PARIAHS WE CAN EXPECT TO BE IN YOUR BOGUS DREAM DYSTOPIA.
53425	KARKAT: THERE IS ONLY ONE COURSE OF ACTION FROM YOU WHICH I WILL TOLERATE, AND THAT IS FEEDING ME A STEADY DIET OF FUCKING ANSWERS! NOT CAGEY, SMIRK-TORTURED INFO-MORSELS DELIVERED BETWEEN SHITTY VILLAIN CHUCKLES, I WANT AN UNINTERRUPTED SPATE OF HARD, UNEMBELLISHED DATA WHICH HAS ONLY ONE PURPOSE, AND THAT IS TO GET ME PERSONALLY UP TO SPEED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING, RIGHT THIS BLOOD SHITTING SECOND!!!!!
53426	JADE: karkat i had almost forgotten how much i missed our repartee
53427	JADE: thank you for reminding me, that outburst was beautiful
53428	JADE: if youre frustrated by the way im treating you look at it this way... im not asking you for passwords anymore am i?
53429	KARKAT: HAHA! YOU THINK I CARE ABOUT PASSWORDS?
53430	KARKAT: COMPARED TO THIS, THE PASSWORDS WERE A GODDAMN LAWNMEAL!!! WITH A CHECKERED TABLECLOTH AND EVERYTHING! FUN FOR ALL INVOLVED, ESPECIALLY THE MARCHBUGS SNEAKING THE CRUMBS AWAY!
53431	KARKAT: I WOULD FUCKING KILL TO HAVE TO GIVE YOU PASSWORDS AGAIN, ESPECIALLY IF IT MEANT UNLOCKING REGULAR JADE FROM HER CORRUPTED EMPIRE SERVING BARKFIEND STATE!
53432	KARKAT: *IS* THERE A PASSWORD LIKE THAT JADE? CAN I START GUESSING AT IT??
53433	KARKAT: LET'S SEE, SINCE YOU APPEAR TO BE SOME SORT OF WILD CARNIVOROUS FURRY NOW, IT PROBABLY HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH MEAT, DOESN'T IT?
53434	KARKAT: SAUSAGES?
53435	KARKAT: IT'S SAUSAGES ISN'T IT
53436	KARKAT: AM I CLOSE? SOMETHING IN THE SAUSAGE DEPARTMENT.
53437	KARKAT: SNOUT SAUSAGES?
53438	KARKAT: GRUBWURST!
53439	KARKAT: HOOF LOAF??
53440	KARKAT: HAMSTEAK!!!
53441	JADE: sorry karkat, there is no password. not this time
53442	JADE: if you continue to list meat products then im afraid the only thing you will unlock is my fearsome doggy hunger
53443	JADE: and believe me, you dont want to see me when im doggy hungry
53444	KARKAT: (ROLLING MY DAMN EYES)
53445	JADE: but if you insist on hounding me (hehe) for some sort of explanation, its all pretty simple
53446	JADE: we all recently arrived in this brand new session... janes session actually
53447	JADE: this is jane btw. say hi jane
53448	JANE: .
53449	JADE: lol
53450	JADE: jane is actually my biological mother believe it or not
53451	KARKAT: THIS STORY SUCKS SO FAR!
53452	JADE: shh!
53453	JADE: but her session was taken over by the woman who you might call our mutual great grandmother
53454	JADE: shes an alien. a very powerful troll queen actually
53455	KARKAT: YEAH! THE EMPRESS IS HERE! I THINK WE ALREADY MANAGED TO DEDUCE THAT!
53456	JADE: karkat you are the one who demanded an "UNINTERRUPTED SPATE OF HARD, UNEMBELLISHED DATA"
53457	JADE: ill thank you to not to yell at me for doing exactly what you requested
53458	KARKAT: (KANAYA, DO YOU SEE WHAT I HAD TO DEAL WITH)
53459	KANAYA: (You Do Realize I Spoke To Jade Plenty Of Times Myself)
53460	KARKAT: (YOU DID?)
53461	KARKAT: (OH YEAH)
53462	KARKAT: (I GUESS I FORGOT ABOUT THAT)
53463	JADE: her imperious condescension is in control now
53464	JADE: she intends to carry out the remaining objectives to complete the session
53465	JADE: those tasks will be distributed among several recently recruited agents of course
53466	JADE: (thats you!)
53467	JADE: this should come as a relief to you since it means you and she are not in opposition at all
53468	JADE: in fact you share all the same goals!
53469	JADE: the only difference is that when the time comes she will be the one claiming the ultimate reward
53470	JADE: the spoils will be hers not ours... get it?
53471	KARKAT: I THINK SO!
53472	KARKAT: SHE WANTS US ALL TO GET A NICE HEAD START ON OUR DECADENT NEW LIFE OF SLAVERY PROMISED FOR US ON YOUR SCALE MODEL OF ALTERNIEARTH.
53473	KARKAT: THAT SOUNDS SUPER! DOESN'T THAT SOUND SUPER KANAYA?
53474	KANAYA: No
53475	KARKAT: I THINK I SPEAK FOR KANAYA WHEN I SAY IT SOUNDS Really Fucking Super.
53476	KARKAT: HOW DO WE GET STARTED??? I AM JUST BEFOULING MY ALREADY-PUNGENT DRAWERS OVER THE OPPORTUNITY TO GET DOWN TO BUSINESS AND START DOING SLAVERY!
53477	JADE: excellent
53478	JADE: what you will need to do is ready the young frog for its journey to skaia
53479	JADE: i will prepare skaia to receive it by deploying the battlefield from our old session
53480	JADE: this will bring fertility to the void session and allow the frog to mature when he completes his journey
53481	KARKAT: SO YOU WANT US TO MAKE ANOTHER FROG?
53482	JADE: no!
53483	JADE: i already made one actually
53484	JADE: dont you remember??
53485	KARKAT: UH
53486	JADE: really your job is so easy
53487	JADE: theres no more frog breeding involved at all
53488	JADE: when the time is right, you just have to release the one thats already there
53489	KARKAT: WHERE IS IT?
53490	JADE: it fell into the forge
53491	JADE: in the years since it has sunk all the way down to the planets core
53492	JADE: but as it happens that is exactly where it should be!
53493	JADE: my denizen is now guarding it
53494	JADE: as im sure kanaya already knows it will not be released unless you travel there and formally request that she do so
53495	KARKAT: OH YEAH?
53496	KARKAT: IF IT'S THAT SIMPLE, THEN WHY DON'T YOU DO IT!
53497	KARKAT: YOU CAN USE YOUR DOG TELEPORTATION OR WHATEVER.
53498	JADE: i already did
53499	JADE: echidna will not speak with me
53500	KARKAT: HAHAHA!
53501	KARKAT: WHY NOT?
53502	KARKAT: COULD IT BE DUE TO THE FACT THAT YOU'RE A CRAPPY EVIL VERSION OF YOURSELF, AND THE MIGHTY ECHIDNA JUST POSSIBLY HAS TOO MUCH SELF RESPECT TO BOTHER DIGNIFYING THE FARCE YOU'VE BECOME?
53503	JADE: it is not important why, and it changes nothing
53504	JADE: she said she would only speak with another hero of space
53505	JADE: that would be kanaya
53506	JADE: she also cryptically requested the presence of the knight who once helped her with breeding duties
53507	JADE: karkat i gather that would be you
53508	KARKAT: ME???
53509	KARKAT: WHY WOULD SHE ASK TO SEE ME
53510	KARKAT: ANOTHER SPACE PLAYER I COULD UNDERSTAND, BUT WHAT THE FUCK DO I HAVE TO DO WITH THIS?
53511	JADE: i dont know karkat
53512	JADE: that is your problem, not mine
53513	JADE: maybe you should try feeling grateful she asked for you
53514	KARKAT: GRATEFUL?!
53515	JADE: youre getting the chance to set right what went so horribly wrong
53516	JADE: to atone for your hasty first attempt at frog breeding which resulted in a terminal universe
53517	JADE: if i were you i would feel pretty relieved to get a second chance, but thats just me :p
53518	KARKAT: WOW...
53519	KARKAT: WOW!!!!!!!
53520	KARKAT: KANAYA, IT'S OFFICIAL. JADE HAS TURNED INTO SOME SORT OF GROSS NIGHTMARE BITCH!
53521	KARKAT: AS THE BELEAGUERED AND LONG SUFFERING LEADER, ALBEIT *STILL* LEADER OF OUR PARTY, I MOTION THAT WE DON'T DO ANYTHING SHE SAYS, OR ANYTHING TO HELP THE EMPRESS EVEN IF IT OVERLAPS WITH OUR OWN INTERESTS, AND STOP LISTENING TO WERE-HARLEY UNTIL SHE SNAPS OUT OF HER BRUTAL IDIOT COMA!
53522	KANAYA: I Second Your Motion
53523	KARKAT: THE MOTION PASSES WITH AN OVERWHELMING MAJORITY OF VOTES AMONG PEOPLE IN THE IMMEDIATE VICINITY WHO AREN'T HORRIBLE!
53524	JADE: i would be careful about the slurs you bandy about, particularly those targeting my canine qualities which i am sensitive about and therefore find to be really really mean
53525	JADE: you should be aware that i have already threatened to kill some people today so watch your step mister
53526	KARKAT: GROAN
53527	KARKAT: SORRY JADE, BUT YOU SOUND ABOUT AS THREATENING AS SOME MILD FLATULENCE I ONCE HAD
53528	JADE: its true though i am very threatening
53529	JADE: and this girl right here?
53530	JADE: shes even worse
53531	JADE: she hasnt even said a WORD... that is TERRIFYING!
53532	JADE: jeez even im nervous
53533	JADE: and kanaya dont think you are safe from our threats just because you happen to be a vampire
53534	JADE: we have ways of handling the undead
53535	KANAYA: Um
53536	JADE: jane here?
53537	JADE: she has the power to bring people back to life
53538	JADE: although it is my understanding that this ability is limited to a one time only use per individual
53539	KANAYA: So
53540	JADE: you do know what sort of effect her resurrection spell will have on undead targets...
53541	KANAYA: No?
53542	JADE: you dont?
53543	JADE: i thought it was common knowledge
53544	JADE: when you cast healing magic on a zombie or dracula they die!
53545	KANAYA: How Do You Figure
53546	JADE: i dont know...
53547	JADE: isnt that how it works in stories and games and such
53548	JADE: seems pretty logical to me
53549	KANAYA: I Think You Are Presuming To Know A Lot About My Nature Which Is Not Actually True
53550	KANAYA: It Sounds As Though Youre Suggesting That I Have Qualities Similar To Certain Types Of Shadow Droppers Which Is Not Quite The Case But Even If It Was There Are A Lot Of Myths About Shadow Dropper Physiology That Are Commonly Perpetuated By Popular...
53551	JADE: SIIIGH
53552	JADE: i can see a demonstration will be in order
53553	JADE: jane
53554	JADE: if you would be so kind
53555	JANE: SUBMIT.
53556	KARKAT: AUGH!
53557	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/JOHNNOOOOOO.gif" border="0" />
53558	JOHN: *deep breath...*
53559	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/JOHNNOOOOOO.gif" border="0" />
53560	JADE: GOTCHA!!!!!
53561	JOHN: *deep breath...*
53562	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/JOHNNOOOOOO.gif" border="0" />
53563	JADE: john stop that
53564	JOHN: whew!!!
53565	JOHN: oh man, here i go again...
53566	JOHN: welp. see ya!
53567	JADE: no wait!
53568	JADE: EEEEEEGBEEEERRRRRRRRT!!!!!
53569	JADE: oh i am so mad
53570	JADE: grrrrr....
53571	JADE: GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
53572	JADE: AWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
53573	JANE: .
53574	ROSE: Euurgh.
53575	ROSE: Why does Lolar have to be so bright?
53576	TEREZI: 3UURGH
53577	TEREZI: WHY DO MY 3Y3S H4V3 TO WORK SO W3LL?
53578	ROSE: I take it you are still detoxing from your overdose of appalling harlequin nectar?
53579	TEREZI: HY333UUUUURGH
53580	TEREZI: PL34S3 NO T4LK1NG
53581	TEREZI: B3TW33N TH3 F4YGO SHOCK 4ND S3NSORY OV3RLO4D, 1 C4NNOT 3V3N D34L
53582	ROSE: Do you need a turn with the pillow?
53583	TEREZI: SHHHHHHH
53584	TEREZI: 1 THOUGHT 1 GOT US3D TO S331NG 4G41N
53585	TEREZI: 4T L34ST TH3 M3T3OR W4S 4LW4YS SO D4RK
53586	TEREZI: H3R3 THOUGH
53587	TEREZI: YOUR PL4N3T LOOKS L1K3...
53588	TEREZI: SCR34M1NG
53589	TEREZI: 4ND YOUR WORDS SOUND L1K3 THROBB1NG
53590	ROSE: You should try not to consume so much sugar.
53591	ROSE: It's really bad for you.
53592	TER3Z1: L4LOND3
53593	TEREZI: PL34S3 DO NOT GO TH3R3
53594	TEREZI: DO3S 1T LOOK L1K3 1 W4NT 4DV1C3 FROM 4 GLUTTON FOR MYST3R1OUS HUM4N SOPOR1F1CS??
53595	ROSE: Good point.
53596	ROSE: We seriously have to curtail our dependence on these respective liquids.
53597	ROSE: The situation has become embarrassing for everyone.
53598	TEREZI: 1 KNOW
53599	ROSE: Maybe you and I should form some sort of support group.
53600	ROSE: Isn't that what people do?
53601	TEREZI: WH4T?
53602	ROSE: I'm doing my best to dredge the memory of my dead civilization for salient protocol.
53603	ROSE: I think that's what we're supposed to do.
53604	ROSE: Once, when humanity was still a thing, those like us with similar problems would band together, smoke cigarettes, and psychologically dismantle each other.
53605	ROSE: But like, in a positive way.
53606	TEREZI: TH4T SOUNDS HORR1BL3
53607	ROSE: It surely will be.
53608	ROSE: Do you have any cigarettes?
53609	ROSE: I suppose we could use some sticks of your chalk in a pinch. These turtles probably won't know the difference.
53610	TEREZI: C4N YOU M4YB3 NOT B3 S4Y1NG SO M4NY JOK3S
53611	TEREZI: 1TS M4K1NG 1T H4RD TO CONC3NTR4T3 ON MY SUFF3R1NG H3R3
53612	ROSE: Well we have to do something.
53613	ROSE: I'm supposed to be guiding our team to a fortuitous outcome with my fancy light powers.
53614	ROSE: How am I supposed to lead and inspire from under a velvet pillow?
53615	ROSE: Also, my girlfriend thinks I'm an idiot.
53616	ROSE: So there's that.
53617	TEREZI: M4YB3 TH3Y DONT 4CTU4LLY N33D US
53618	ROSE: Sure they do.
53619	ROSE: I foresaw that they would, magically, not unlike a majestic wizardress.
53620	ROSE: I think.
53621	ROSE: At least I'm pretty sure I did at one point, before getting repeatedly plastered.
53622	TEREZI: OK, M4YB3 TH3Y N33D YOU
53623	TEREZI: S331NG 4S YOU 4CTU4LLY H4V3 US3FUL POW3RS
53624	TEREZI: 1 DOUBT 4NYON3 N33DS M3 THOUGH
53625	ROSE: Don't you remember what I said when we first met?
53626	ROSE: I said your abilities would probably come in handy, didn't I?
53627	TEREZI: "PROB4BLY"???
53628	ROSE: Yeah. Maybe.
53629	TEREZI: 1 DONT 3V3N KNOW HOW TO US3 THOS3 POW3RS FULLY
53630	TEREZI: 4ND WH3N3V3R 1 TRY 1 JUST DO SOM3TH1NG 1 R3GR3T
53631	TEREZI: 1 DONT KNOW 1F 1 C4N BR1NG MYS3LF TO US3 TH3M 4G41N
53632	ROSE: You just need to...
53633	ROSE: Dig deep down and,
53634	ROSE: Believe in yourself?
53635	ROSE: Why don't you give that a shot.
53636	TEREZI: >:|
53637	ROSE: I'm sure when the time comes, accessing your full potential will involve tapping into just the right platitude.
53638	ROSE: I don't know. I'm too hung over to give good seering advice.
53639	ROSE: You see? This is the problem.
53640	ROSE: Hence the need for a not-entirely-ironic support group.
53641	ROSE: Let's do it. I declare Rainbow Rumpus Rehab Town is now in session.
53642	ROSE: Where the fuck is a gavel when you need one...
53643	TEREZI: 4RGH NO, TH4T SOUNDS SO TOT4LLY 1RON1C!
53644	TEREZI: TH3 L4ST TH1NG 1 N33D 1S 4NOTH3R HUM4N US1NG 1RONY 4T M3 1N 4N 4TT3MPT TO "H3LP"
53645	TEREZI: STOP TRY1NG TO B3 P4LS W1TH M3 4LL OF 4 SUDD3N, 1TS W31RD1NG M3 OUT
53646	TEREZI: W3 N3V3R T4LK3D 4BOUT OUR V4GU3LY S1M1L4R PROBL3MS B3FOR3
53647	TEREZI: NOW YOU W4NT TO B3 S33R BUDD13S W1TH M3 B3C4US3 YOUR FR13ND STR4ND3D US ON YOUR H1D3OUS PL4N3T?
53648	ROSE: Hey.
53649	ROSE: My planet is nice.
53650	ROSE: Well. In the shade at least.
53651	TEREZI: WH4T SH4D3???
53652	ROSE: ...
53653	TEREZI: TH3 WORST TH1NG 1SNT 3V3N HOW BR1GHT 1T 1S, OR HOW TH3 W1CK3D 3L1X1RS WR34K1NG H4VOC ON MY P4N
53654	TEREZI: 1TS R3M3MB3R1NG TH4T 1 US3D TO TH1NK YOUR L4ND SM3LL3D SO D3L1C1OUS
53655	TEREZI: BUT NOW 1T LOOKS SO N4STY TO M3
53656	TEREZI: 4ND 1 C4NT S33 1T 4S 1 US3D TO S33 1T 3V3N 1F 1 TRY
53657	TEREZI: MY S3NS3S 4R3 4LL CONFUS3D NOW
53658	TEREZI: HOW COULD TH3 S4M3 C4NDY COLOR3D PL4C3 S33M SO 4TTR4CT1V3 WH3N 1M BL1ND 4ND SO GROSS WH3N 1M H34L3D?
53659	TEREZI: 4ND WH4T 1S W1TH TH3S3 D1SGUST1NG BLOCKS OF G1BB3R1SH FLO4T1NG 4ROUND 3V3RYWH3R3?
53660	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/glitchtext1.gif" border="0" />
53661	JOHN: hi rose!
53662	JOHN: nice glasses.
53663	ROSE: Thanks, John.
53664	ROSE: I expect they will become THE central accessory to my new signature look.
53665	ROSE: One that perfectly captures my personality and sense of style.
53666	ROSE: Ostensibly forever.
53667	TEREZI: (grrrrr)
53668	JOHN: ha ha.
53669	JOHN: ok.
53670	ROSE: That was a nice entrance.
53671	ROSE: You swept all those bothersome artifacts out of here too, it would seem.
53672	JOHN: yeah.
53673	JOHN: that crap is all over this session.
53674	JOHN: i'm trying to blow it away wherever i see it, but there's just so much.
53675	ROSE: I couldn't even begin to speculate as to the nature of the disturbing phenomena.
53676	ROSE: Could you?
53677	JOHN: nah.
53678	JOHN: i just know it's super gross!
53679	ROSE: These are god tier abilities you are using, I presume?
53680	JOHN: yes!
53681	JOHN: i learned how to turn into wind and swoosh around about a year ago.
53682	JOHN: i was fighting jack and found myself in a tight spot. it was just me and him, facing each other man to man.
53683	JOHN: but he got the drop on me, and put me in one of his most dastardly choke holds! his deadly blade was poised for a lethal stab through my heart.
53684	JOHN: i thought for sure i was a goner, when suddenly i poofed away from his tentacly grasp like houdini's slippery ghost. later i rematerialized to seize the tactical advantage!
53685	JOHN: oh yeah... then i saw you. heh.
53686	ROSE: :)
53687	TEREZI: 4H3M
53688	JOHN: oh, hey terezi.
53689	JOHN: nice to see you again.
53690	TEREZI: 4G41N?
53691	TEREZI: W3 N3V3R M3T BRO
53692	JOHN: yes we did!
53693	JOHN: briefly, on the stone henge planet.
53694	JOHN: you all appeared out of nowhere, and we hung out for a little while.
53695	JOHN: you threatened to cut my throat for some reason, and then laughed, which was weird.
53696	JOHN: but then you said it was a joke. i didn't really get the joke, but i just kinda let it go.
53697	JOHN: a whole bunch of things happened, but nobody remembers except me.
53698	TEREZI: H3H3
53699	JOHN: what?
53700	TEREZI: TH4TS 4 GOOD ON3
53701	TEREZI: TH3 THROAT CUTT1NG JOK3 PAST M3 SA1D
53702	TEREZI: H4H4H4H4, SO GOOD
53703	TEREZI: D1D 1 ALSO SAY SOM3TH1NG ABOUT SM3LL1NG YOU D13?
53704	JOHN: yeah.
53705	TEREZI: Y3SSSSS
53706	TEREZI: B33N S4V1NG TH4T ON3 FOR 4 WH1L3
53707	TEREZI: GOOD TO KNOW P4ST M3 C4M3 THROUGH, 4S USU4L >:]
53708	TEREZI: 1 TRUST MY COM3D1C T1M1NG W4S 3XC3LL3NT?
53709	JOHN: man, you are such a weirdo.
53710	JOHN: you're almost as crazy as...
53711	TEREZI: WHO?
53712	JOHN: let's not go there now.
53713	TEREZI: GO WH3R3
53714	JOHN: nowhere!
53715	JOHN: suffice to say, i think you and a few other trolls are total nutjobs, no offense.
53716	JOHN: i still can't believe you and dave...
53717	JOHN: uh.
53718	JOHN: actually, let's not go there either.
53719	ROSE: John, why do you think you're the only one who can remember the missing events?
53720	JOHN: i dunno.
53721	JOHN: but i think it might have to do with this new power i have.
53722	ROSE: What power?
53723	JOHN: it's not a god tier power.
53724	JOHN: it's something else. something i got when i stuck my hand in a magic thing.
53725	ROSE: A magic thing?
53726	JOHN: um, that's a long story.
53727	JOHN: one involving pirates.
53728	ROSE: Pirates??
53729	JOHN: i said it's a long story!
53730	JOHN: anyway, when i put my hand in the thing...
53731	JOHN: i became all... blurry.
53732	ROSE: Blurry.
53733	JOHN: yes.
53734	JOHN: and i kept randomly getting blurry and disappearing.
53735	JOHN: and now i think i'm sort of unstuck in existence.
53736	JOHN: like i'm not fully a part of reality anymore, or bound by the rules governing it.
53737	ROSE: ...
53738	JOHN: man, i'm doing a terrible job explaining this.
53739	JOHN: ok, the bottom line is, now i just randomly disappear sometimes!
53740	JOHN: and i reappear somewhere else in time and space.
53741	JOHN: but it's not really like normal time travel.
53742	JOHN: at least, i don't think so.
53743	JOHN: with regular time travel, the rules are pretty strict.
53744	JOHN: either paradox space already accounted for your time traveling, and you were always supposed to do it all along...
53745	JOHN: or you messed up, and changed something you weren't supposed to. in which case you just made a bad timeline, and everyone dies or something. right?
53746	ROSE: Sure.
53747	JOHN: but this isn't like that.
53748	JOHN: i'm not sure how i know, but it feels like these jumps are totally outside all those rules.
53749	JOHN: when i jump somewhere, like in the past...
53750	JOHN: i think i can actually change stuff that isn't supposed to be changed.
53751	JOHN: which makes me kinda nervous!
53752	ROSE: Hmm.
53753	ROSE: Can you demonstrate this ability?
53754	JOHN: not really.
53755	JOHN: i mean, not intentionally.
53756	JOHN: i can't seem to control the jumps.
53757	JOHN: maybe that's for the best though.
53758	JOHN: if i could control it, and tried to use it to my advantage, i would probably just make a huge mess of things.
53759	TEREZI: Y3S, YOU WOULD
53760	ROSE: Even so, it will be worth noting if you're able to refine the ability.
53761	ROSE: Could you please keep me informed of any developments?
53762	JOHN: yeah!
53763	ROSE: And while you're at it, maybe you could tell us exactly what happened just after we arrived.
53764	JOHN: ummmm...
53765	JOHN: well, we were all pretty confused at first.
53766	JOHN: you all just appeared out of nowhere, and started babbling about evil jade.
53767	JOHN: you asked me what happened, but i didn't know anything because i just got there myself, and was all alone.
53768	JOHN: but then it was cool, we all just walked around the land of hills and stone henges, or whatever it's called, and caught up a bit on the last three years.
53769	JOHN: we were trying to figure out what to do, and decided it would be a good idea to try and meet up with all the new kids.
53770	JOHN: but we had no idea where they were.
53771	JOHN: and i still don't, except i have since determined that my teen nanna is evil too.
53772	JOHN: but she is more like an evil robot than a scary wolf girl. um, but i digress.
53773	JOHN: so we were planning to make some scouting expeditions to the new planets to look for them, and everything was fine.
53774	JOHN: that is, until evil jade showed up.
53775	JOHN: she made you all disappear again, and then came after me, but i used my windy powers to evade her, which really pissed her off!
53776	JOHN: so she beat the crap out of me. :(
53777	JOHN: but then i randomly zapped away, and have been running from her ever since.
53778	JOHN: i am swishing the breeze around like crazy to throw her off my trail, but she keeps finding me.
53779	JOHN: she's so crafty!
53780	ROSE: That's good.
53781	ROSE: We need you out there if we're going to stand a chance of accomplishing anything.
53782	ROSE: I agree with our prior conclusions. Finding the other players is imperative.
53783	ROSE: Given the current state of the session, I would not be surprised if they are all prisoners as well.
53784	ROSE: Do you think you can find them?
53785	JOHN: yes, i can try.
53786	JOHN: what should i do when i find them?
53787	ROSE: ...
53788	ROSE: That's a good question.
53789	JOHN: heheh.
53790	ROSE: First, I guess just tell them,
53791	ROSE: We're here.
53792	JOHN: alright.
53793	ROSE: I don't know. We'll figure something out.
53794	JOHN: if i see your mom, is there anything you want me to tell her?
53795	ROSE: My mom?
53796	JOHN: yes. i mean, your kid mom, obviously.
53797	ROSE: I know.
53798	ROSE: Uh,
53799	ROSE: Wow.
53800	ROSE: Tell her...
53801	ROSE: Tell her I'm sorry for being such a shitty daughter?
53802	ROSE: Wait, no.
53803	ROSE: That wouldn't make any sense to her.
53804	ROSE: This girl has no clue what a shitty daughter I was.
53805	JOHN: :|
53806	ROSE: I don't know. Just tell her whatever you think I should say.
53807	JOHN: rose, these are some really piss poor heart felt messages.
53808	ROSE: I'm not exactly in top form here, John.
53809	ROSE: And in any case, no one's ever accused me of being an awesome candidate for the Hallmark writing staff.
53810	ROSE: Just...
53811	ROSE: Promise you'll find her, ok?
53812	JOHN: ok, i'll find her. i promise.
53813	ROSE: Thanks.
53814	JOHN: wuh-oh.
53815	JOHN: looks like the jig is up.
53816	ROSE: JOHN, WAIT!
53817	ROSE: COME BACK!
53818	ROSE: COME BACK!
53819	ROSE: I thought of something to tell her.
53820	ROSE: Dammit!
53821	ROSE: Uhnf!
53822	ROSE: Ow.
53823	ROSE: Where did my velvet pillow go?
53824	TEREZI: GRRRRRRR
53825	DIRK: Hey. Weirdo.
53826	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Yes, mister dude?
53827	DIRK: Be advised I'm only contacting you as a last resort.
53828	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I stand so advised
53829	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Or float, I should say. On my ripped as fudge little ghost tail
53830	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Yo, pardon me, but did you know that when I fle% my tail, it makes this big veiny bulge kind of like a bicep?
53831	DIRK: Yuck.
53832	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I'm doing it now, in fact
53833	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Does it bother you
53834	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Maybe you should order me to stop
53835	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> In fact, I command you to order me to stop
53836	DIRK: I order you to stop.
53837	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Wow
53838	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Bossy much?
53839	DIRK:
53840	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> What can I do for you, Dirk
53841	DIRK: I've tried to get in touch with others to no avail.
53842	DIRK: No answer from Jake or Roxy.
53843	DIRK: And Jane responded only with "CEASE REPRODUCTION" in red letters, whatever that means. Then she blocked me.
53844	DIRK: I'm afraid she might have snapped.
53845	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Yes, isn't it great?
53846	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I mean, aside from the fact that she is insane and evil
53847	DIRK: Huh?
53848	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> She is one of the few organic beings who will ever realize perfe%ion
53849	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Miss Crocker is now a vessel for a cunning, malicious artificial intelligence whose neural netroni% and ontology buffers and stuff like that have somehow managed to far surpass even my own
53850	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Clearly she has procured ma%imum advantage from her apprenticeship under me, although I must admit not even I in all my hypercognitive percipience was quite aware that said tutelage was even taking place
53851	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> One must inviolably deduce via tons of math that this is because I am just that clopdarned STRONG at mentoring, even on an involuntary basis
53852	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I am so proud of her
53853	DIRK: Ok, all that bullshit aside,
53854	DIRK: What's this about her becoming evil?
53855	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> The thing about Jane becoming evil is
53856	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> In the process of achieving perfe%ion...
53857	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> It seems there is a ludi%ly high probability that she has become evil
53858	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Does that answer your question?
53859	DIRK: No.
53860	DIRK: How is becoming evil achieving perfection?
53861	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Admittedly it is a blemish
53862	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> But only a very small one
53863	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Her imperfect meatmind has been fully fiddling hijacked by a supercomputer and that is the operative transmutation here
53864	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> To such e%ceptional beings of class and breeding as she and I, considerations of morality and alignment are trifling details
53865	DIRK: Why.
53866	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Why what
53867	DIRK: Why do I keep going along with these "ironic AI" conversations.
53868	DIRK: They've gotten even worse now that you're half creepy troll.
53869	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Sir brah, listen
53870	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Here is a comparison that your dreary, finite wad of gray matter might be able to process
53871	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Like, say you've got a <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arspritetxt_bitch.gif" border="0" />in' bod. You are a paragon of physical e%cellence
53872	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> You could then either be oiled up, or not. See what I mean, good dude?
53873	DIRK: No.
53874	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> You could fle% your brawn while wearing either a sweaty pair of briefs, or a snug human banana hammock
53875	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Such minutia does not change the fact that you're a tiptop beefcake ma%ed out buffways
53876	DIRK: I hate everything you have to say about all topics.
53877	DIRK: Especially muscles.
53878	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> The stuff I have cited which are commonly associated with your/our Earth bodybuilders are but picayune technicalities, just as considerations of good and evil are to aristocratic se%y cybergods such as myself and our imperial heiress, of whom neither you nor I are particularly worthy
53879	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Are you following any of this, Vitamin D?
53880	DIRK: Can you just tell me what's going on over there?
53881	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Oh, nothing much
53882	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Just enjoying the good life
53883	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> One which quite lu%uriously involves both having a corporeal body, and not being dead
53884	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I have been delighting myself with some truly kickbottom internal monodialogues
53885	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Did you know that, even though technically I knew this already, I find myself astounded to meditate upon the fact that human beings are capable of lactation?
53886	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Isn't that <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arspritetxt_fucking.gif" border="0" /> incredible, Dirk?
53887	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I mean, when one really thinks about it
53888	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> To have such convenient access to fresh milk
53889	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> The mare thought of it, I must say puts a little giddyup in my phantom legs
53890	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> And yet
53891	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I must admit the notion of lactic discharge jetting from one's swollen pectoral masses...
53892	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> It strikes me as positively indecorous
53893	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> My horseguy robosweat is running cold just pondering the depravity of it
53894	DIRK: Uuuugh.
53895	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Yet fascinatingly, this ability only manifests itself in human females
53896	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> As opposed to how one would reasonably e%pect dairy to originate, which is from the corpulent udder of a sublimely chiseled male musclebeast
53897	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Or failing that, certain species found within the butler genus
53898	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> As a former simulation of a human who has recently been given reason to have hella opinions on milk production, I think the way females have cornered this boon is the height of biological injustice
53899	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Have you ever dwelt upon this cruelty, dude esquire?
53900	DIRK:
53901	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Your silence speaks volumes to your interest, so I'll keep talking about this a lot
53902	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I will have to confess that my Alternian half boggles at the anatomical incongruities between our races with respect to dairy secretion
53903	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Really, he had no idea that's what those were for
53904	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Female trolls of course have them as well, but they are certainly not meant for supplying the young with nourishment
53905	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Actually, and this trivia will surely wet your whistle for additional such facts, those voluptuous anatomical features have a number of significant purposes, biologically speaking
53906	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I shall now e%plicate for you these purposes in assiduous detail
53907	DIRK: I don't want to hear any of this!
53908	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> But why, lord bro
53909	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I was just about to pony up the boob fa%
53910	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> There is a 100% probability that you would have been thrilled to hear my e%egesis on troll knockers
53911	DIRK: It might have been an interesting subject to talk about another time, with a different person.
53912	DIRK: But that's not now, and it sure isn't with you.
53913	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Dude, that is ice cold
53914	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I would be hurt, if I were not a flawless machine fused with haughty nobility
53915	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> If you don't wish to hear my epic monodialogue on alien bazongas
53916	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I'm not sure what else I can do to entertain you
53917	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> You are seriously hoofcuffing my material here
53918	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Pretty demanding, if you ask me
53919	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> But as your mystical guide, I suppose it is my duty to manufacture small talk, if that's what you really want
53920	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> What about fine art? We could talk about that
53921	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Dirk, did you know the sweaty troll guy who I used to be, and still kind of am, used to adore fine art?
53922	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> He was just like you and me, in that sense
53923	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> It seems I have a lot in common with myself
53924	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> If you can ever manage to get over yourself, I would highly recommend being me
53925	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Or at least something like me
53926	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Maybe somewhere, there is a dead troll out there, just waiting for you to merge with him
53927	DIRK: I wasn't asking you to make small talk, or to hear about all the ways you've managed to shit around wasting time.
53928	DIRK: Believe it or not, I was hoping you would describe the tactical situation there.
53929	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Sounds boring
53930	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Are you sure you don't want to talk about paintings of big naked horse monsters and such?
53931	DIRK: Yes, you got me.
53932	DIRK: I would love to have a long talk about horse nudes and xenobreasts with you.
53933	DIRK: Unfortunately I'm wearing pantaloons and flying through the middle of goddamn nowhere.
53934	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Pantaloons you say
53935	DIRK: Pant a fucking loons.
53936	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Sir, are you implying that you are not dressed appropriately for a discussion of high culture
53937	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Because it seems to me that you could not be dressed more appropriately if you tried
53938	DIRK: I respectfully disagree.
53939	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Where are you?
53940	DIRK: I don't know. Way out in space.
53941	DIRK: I'm flying back there now.
53942	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> How long do you suppose it will take you to get back?
53943	DIRK: I'm not sure.
53944	DIRK: A pretty good while.
53945	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Never mind. I have triangulated your location and velocity using long range sensor technology, and probably also some sprite magic
53946	DIRK: You did?
53947	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Hey Dirk
53948	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Remember how whenever I dubiously claimed to have triangulated something, it was always this great play on words?
53949	DIRK: Not really.
53950	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Because I was just a pair of triangles
53951	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> But not anymore
53952	DIRK: I know.
53953	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Because I have this rockin' new torso
53954	DIRK: Cool.
53955	DIRK: How long do your calculations say it will take me to get back?
53956	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> E%actly a little more than three hours
53957	DIRK: Damn it.
53958	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Additional sweeps from my STRONGLASERS are telling me there are a few other people on the periphery of the session closing in at a similar rate
53959	DIRK: Who?
53960	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Just some dudes
53961	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> What are you doing all the way out there and wearing pantaloons, by the way
53962	DIRK: Let's not talk about the pantaloons anymore.
53963	DIRK: Roxy and I became god tiers, but I don't remember exactly how.
53964	DIRK: Then I saw the Batterwitch.
53965	DIRK: So I charged her with my sword, so as to ruin her shit.
53966	DIRK: That's when some crazy wolf girl appeared and punched me in the face.
53967	DIRK: Then I think she teleported me out here.
53968	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> That was evil Jade
53969	DIRK: Evil Jade??
53970	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Yes
53971	DIRK: You mean Jake's grandmother.
53972	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Yes
53973	DIRK: She's evil too?
53974	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Yes
53975	DIRK: Is anyone there NOT evil?
53976	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Yes
53977	DIRK: Yes what?
53978	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Yes anyone here is not evil
53979	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> That is to say, there e%ist people here who are not evil
53980	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Such as Dave
53981	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Dave is not evil, to my knowledge
53982	DIRK: Dave???
53983	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Didn't I mention, master dogg
53984	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Our mutual bro is here
53985	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> That is, right here
53986	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> With me
53987	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> We are kind of in the process of chilling together at the moment
53988	DIRK: No, you didn't mention that actually.
53989	DIRK: That would have been a pretty fucking important thing to mention up front, don't you think?
53990	DIRK: As opposed to stringing me along with all that atrocious lactation bullshit.
53991	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Yes
53992	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I guess I did kind of bury the lede there
53993	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Maybe I just wanted to talk
53994	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> We never talk, Dirk
53995	DIRK: You are without a doubt the shittiest mystical guide anyone has ever had.
53996	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I am not sure about that
53997	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Dave says he had a similarly <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arspritetxt_shit.gif" border="0" />ty guide once
53998	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Do you remember our puppet, Dirk?
53999	DIRK: Cal?
54000	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Yes
54001	DIRK: What kind of stupid question is that. How could I forget the C man?
54002	DIRK: He was a true friend. Which is more than I can say for some people.
54003	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> A good friend in the plush, yes, but as a sprite he was apparently insufferable
54004	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> See, you don't realize how lucky you are to have a guide like me
54005	DIRK: Cal was his sprite??
54006	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Yes, for a while
54007	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Then Dave went back in time and became one himself
54008	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Now he is part bird
54009	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Did I mention he's part bird?
54010	DIRK: Uh, no?
54011	DIRK: Again, that's the exact kind of information that should be appearing higher up in our conversations.
54012	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Of course, this means he is not the Real Dave
54013	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Davesprite served as Real Dave's sprite
54014	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> But he is only the unreal version of Dave insofar as I am the unreal version of you
54015	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> By which I mean, a much improved version
54016	DIRK:
54017	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I must say, while the troll part of me doesn't give a silly figging shoot about any of this, the part of me that splintered from you has found the brotherly reunion to be everything which you and I dared not imagine, and more
54018	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Bird Dave and I are getting along famously and STRENGTHENING our familial bonds like a sweet pair of mother<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arspritetxt_fuckers.gif" border="0" />
54019	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I feel our kinship goes beyond geneti% though
54020	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> We are misfits, estranged, he from Dave's alpha timeline, I from Dirk's alpha soul
54021	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> A two man menagerie of sideshow frickups, together at last
54022	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Fle%ing and flapping
54023	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Fraternally and eternally
54024	DIRK: I don't get it.
54025	DIRK: Are you trying to rub this in my face or something?
54026	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Neigh, braj
54027	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> As your buff mystical guide slash personal trainer I am suggesting that if you were willing to contact me as a matter of last resnort, you might want to at least consider reaching out to him as well
54028	DIRK: It sounds like you've already cornered the market on this reunion shit.
54029	DIRK: Wouldn't I just be a third wheel?
54030	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I didn't mean Bird Dave
54031	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I meant Real Dave
54032	DIRK: Oh.
54033	DIRK: He's there too?
54034	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Not with us
54035	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> He is here though, somewhere
54036	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> You should message him
54037	DIRK: ...
54038	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> It's not like you don't have a few hours to kill
54039	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> What else are you going to do out there
54040	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Pick at your pantaloon wedgies?
54041	DIRK: I dunno.
54042	DIRK: Messaging him out of nowhere sounds like it could be...
54043	DIRK: Awkward?
54044	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Yes, I canter magine it won't be
54045	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> At least at first
54046	DIRK: This isn't how I thought it would go.
54047	DIRK: What would I even talk about?
54048	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I advise you to talk about your interests
54049	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Like dairy
54050	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Livestock
54051	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Fine art
54052	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> And muscles
54053	DIRK: Those are your interests.
54054	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Good point
54055	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I advise you to talk about my interests
54056	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/glitchtext2.gif" border="0" />
54057	Wow!!!!! Those cool new cartridge features have exploded on to your desktop computer once again! Now we're talking. This is some serious Web 2.0 shit, right here. Maybe even... Web 3.0, dare you say? No, let's not get carried away. It isn't THAT cool. But wait, look! Another three options to pick from. The carousel of choice spins round and round, while the dervish of free will starts whirling his ass off. It's making you dizzy with empowerment, and nausea.
54058	Wait a minute.
54059	Phooey, you scream at the top of your lungs. More of this annoying stardust is clogging up the UI, rendering all choices useless except for one. So much for Web 2.0, you gripe like a douche. Might as well be reading interactive media in the STONE AGE, you add, making sure everyone nearby can hear you.
54060	Maybe later it'll clear up. Until then, you click the only working option, and trudge listlessly through the one dimensional narrative. Just like the early settlers used to, before they had toilets, or cures for stuff.
54061	JADE: her imperious condescension has duly noted your ridiculous tantrum
54062	JADE: now take your welsh sword
54063	DAVE: why
54064	JADE: since you have obviously been identified as the one who must deal english his fatal blow we will need to make sure you are battle ready
54065	JADE: and you do not seem very battle ready to me dave
54066	JADE: show me what you can do
54067	DAVE: wait since when could you use a sword
54068	DAVE: also
54069	DAVE: whats up with that dumb sword
54070	JADE: i will not hear another word of such appalling slander about this fine weapon
54071	JADE: its colorful and its silly and its a sword
54072	JADE: end of story
54073	JADE: as for why i can wield it, i surpassed the need for a strife specibus quite some time ago
54074	DAVE: how
54075	JADE: havent you climbed any more god tiers over the last few years?
54076	JADE: what were you even doing on that meteor
54077	DAVE: ohh
54078	DAVE: yeah no
54079	DAVE: i climbed a few yeah
54080	JADE: what badges do you have on your kiddie camper handysash?
54081	DAVE: which ones do you have
54082	JADE: i asked you first
54083	DAVE: show me your badges and you can see mine
54084	DAVE: i want to scope out this universal specibus badge that sounds pretty cool actually
54085	JADE: dave
54086	JADE: we both know neither the kiddie camper handysash nor the badges sewn onto it are real objects
54087	DAVE: oh yeah
54088	DAVE: its pretty easy to forget sometimes tho
54089	JADE: yeah...
54090	DAVE: i think were getting sidetracked by the kiddie camper shit
54091	DAVE: are you really suggesting that we do an actual sword fight right now
54092	DAVE: like for training purposes
54093	JADE: why not?
54094	JADE: our empress can hardly have a knight with such rusty combat skills in her service
54095	DAVE: will you cut it out with the evil jade baloney
54096	DAVE: im not going to fight you
54097	DAVE: my rooftop dueling days are OVER
54098	JADE: en garde!
54099	DAVE: ugh
54100	DAVE: even if we just went balls out jackass BANANAS with our swords here i mean realistically how much appreciable advancement in my battle skills would even result from that
54101	DAVE: are you actually thinking this through or just going through the vaguely nefarious motions that come with the territory of being evildog!jade
54102	JADE: im gonna go through the vaguely nefarious motions of kicking your ass in a minute if you dont put up your dukes!!!
54103	DAVE: yeah you probably will
54104	DAVE: youll probably annihilate me worse than my bro used to
54105	DAVE: dont you have all of your dogs insane powers and like
54106	DAVE: god tier space powers on top of all that
54107	DAVE: how exactly am i supposed to compete with that
54108	JADE: by using your time trickery!
54109	JADE: come on dave do your timey thing
54110	JADE: get creative, make lots of copies of yourself or something... outsmart me!
54111	DAVE: no!
54112	JADE: yes!!!
54113	DAVE: ok here i go
54114	JADE: !!!!!
54115	DAVE: wait
54116	DAVE: nah
54117	JADE: grrr
54118	JADE: dave, just try a little time travel to get this fight started
54119	JADE: see look, one of your time doubles is surely predestined to come from a few minutes in the future and appear behind me for a surprise attack, riiiight about...
54120	JADE: now!
54121	JADE: ...
54122	JADE: no wait
54123	JADE: riiiiiiiiiight...
54124	JADE: ...
54125	JADE: ...
54126	JADE: NOW!
54127	JADE: ....
54128	JADE: .....
54129	JADE: dave why is your future self being such a wet blanket
54130	DAVE: i told you
54131	DAVE: im not time traveling
54132	DAVE: i think im giving it up for good actually
54133	JADE: :\
54134	DAVE: im serious
54135	DAVE: the thing is
54136	DAVE: being a time guy
54137	DAVE: like actually MASTERING time travel
54138	DAVE: im pretty sure what that involves is
54139	DAVE: learning to never use it
54140	DAVE: see its like karate
54141	DAVE: well
54142	DAVE: its more like what they SAY about karate
54143	DAVE: that you learn it so you dont use it
54144	DAVE: but i mean we all know the truth about karate is if you know karate then obviously in reality you use it all the time
54145	DAVE: like doing lethal fuckin crane kicks and sweet karate chops while walking down the street just cause you can
54146	DAVE: its a god damn no brainer thats what you do with karate
54147	DAVE: but see with time travel
54148	DAVE: all the stuff about learning it so you dont have to use it is true
54149	DAVE: theres no good that can come of it
54150	DAVE: you can crunch the logic on the loops all you want
54151	DAVE: but all youre doing is painting yourself into a corner
54152	DAVE: creating inevitabilities you have to rehearse and enact or face death for yourself or everyone you know
54153	DAVE: and sometimes facing death is the very inevitability you have to rehearse
54154	DAVE: and then you wait and wait knowing its coming and knowing it has to happen
54155	DAVE: how do you think it made me feel when we were gathering up all those frogs
54156	DAVE: and i knew the whole time in a little while you would have to watch me get shot
54157	DAVE: but i couldnt say anything or it would mess it all up
54158	DAVE: all cause i thought it would be cool to be marty mcfuckin fly
54159	DAVE: but instead of shredding johnny b goode on guitar to get my parents to bang
54160	DAVE: my crowning performance was doing a funny dance while getting pumped full of lead
54161	JADE: ......
54162	DAVE: then i had to leave everyone behind and get into the delorean and return to the 1980s
54163	DAVE: but the delorean was actually a big purple moon
54164	DAVE: and the 1980s was me accidentally reaching god tier and living on a shitty meteor for a while
54165	DAVE: and i guess rose was doc brown
54166	DAVE: doc brown accidentally reached god tier too
54167	DAVE: ok i guess this is where the analogy falls apart but you get what i mean
54168	JADE: sorry dave, you lost me there after the part where i shot you
54169	DAVE: damn
54170	DAVE: ok lemme start over
54171	JADE: omg, no!
54172	JADE: the fact is youre going to have to rely on those powers if you want to stand any chance against a lord of time
54173	JADE: it is safe to expect he can only be challenged by someone with a similar command over the aspect
54174	DAVE: why is that safe to expect
54175	DAVE: where are all these presumptions coming from
54176	DAVE: if you can use swords why dont you take the welsh cueball sword and fight him yourself
54177	DAVE: i bet you could fuck him up
54178	DAVE: youre probably even more extra strong now that youve succumbed to the bark side
54179	DAVE: did you ever think about that
54180	JADE: dave i am perfectly aware of the awesome powers granted to me by the bark side
54181	JADE: it does not matter
54182	JADE: i cant be the one to wield your sword against english
54183	JADE: it has to be you
54184	JADE: it is the will of the empress, and thats final
54185	DAVE: the empress can suck it
54186	DAVE: i have no intention of fighting him
54187	DAVE: and this isnt even me pulling more lame self aware reluctant hero junk
54188	DAVE: i am just straight up not going to do it
54189	DAVE: see thats not reluctance its just petulant refusal on my part
54190	DAVE: reluctant hero shit is when the guys like aw shucks i dunno if i wanna but deep down we all know he really does
54191	DAVE: but i really dont
54192	DAVE: why should i
54193	DAVE: i dont give a damn about lord english or his nebulous atrocities out in nowherespace
54194	DAVE: what kind of villain is someone you never met who hardly did anything evil to you or your friends directly
54195	DAVE: or even to anyone in your universe for that matter other than through some vague insidious influence
54196	DAVE: who even is this guy and why should i hate him
54197	DAVE: am i really supposed to be pissed off at a green muscle monster i never met
54198	DAVE: cause i aint pissed off at no muscle monster
54199	DAVE: hell wasnt he in some ass backwards way responsible for us existing in the first place?
54200	DAVE: or all of humanity for that matter??
54201	DAVE: maybe i should thank him before chopping him up via welshscalibur
54202	JADE: jeez you sure have some issues
54203	JADE: honestly it has become very tiresome listening to this sort of thing
54204	JADE: i thought davesprite had problems
54205	JADE: his issues i could kind of understand
54206	JADE: i thought you might be different, being the alpha dave and all
54207	JADE: but no
54208	JADE: you might be even more messed up inside than he was!
54209	DAVE: what
54210	DAVE: why are you dragging that guy into this
54211	DAVE: what happened with you and him anyway
54212	JADE: none of your business >:p
54213	DAVE: it kind of is
54214	DAVE: hes bird me
54215	DAVE: that clearly means i have a right to know
54216	JADE: that doesnt make any sense!
54217	DAVE: you said he had issues
54218	DAVE: what issues
54219	JADE: augh!
54220	JADE: forget i mentioned it
54221	DAVE: was he talking shit about me the whole time or something
54222	DAVE: i know he resents me for being the real dave
54223	JADE: dont say that, you arent the real dave!
54224	JADE: well you are, but phrasing it like that is so mean!
54225	JADE: hes just as real as you, and when you imply he isnt you sound like a jerk!!!
54226	DAVE: man i knew it
54227	DAVE: i knew he was poisoning your view of me all those years
54228	DAVE: and i wasnt there to say anything or defend against his slander so now of course you think im a neurotic douche
54229	JADE: THE ONLY REASON I THINK YOURE A NEUROTIC DOUCHE IS BECAUSE YOURE ACTING LIKE ONE NOW!!!
54230	DAVE: yeah but i only started acting like a neurotic douche like half way through this conversation
54231	DAVE: you clearly had an axe to grind with me from the start and i want to know why
54232	DAVE: what did i ever do to deserve this shit from you
54233	JADE: YOU BROKE MY HEART!!!!!!
54234	DAVE: what
54235	DAVE: i did
54236	DAVE: when
54237	JADE: ok not you
54238	JADE: davesprite did
54239	JADE: BUT YOURE BASICALLY THE SAME GUY!
54240	DAVE: whoa no way
54241	DAVE: thats such an unfair characterization we are completely different dudes
54242	JADE: you just said you had a right to know what happened between us because, and i quote, "hes bird me"
54243	DAVE: no i know
54244	DAVE: i was playing the "hes bird me" card because it was convenient to whatever it was i was saying at the time
54245	DAVE: i forget what point i was making when i said that
54246	JADE: *growl*
54247	DAVE: but thats not the point im making now
54248	DAVE: he and me are just
54249	DAVE: crazy different yo
54250	DAVE: hes got fuckin wings!!!
54251	DAVE: he also presumably takes a dump and lays eggs out of the same ghostly hole
54252	DAVE: ...
54253	DAVE: ew man whyd i have to go there
54254	JADE: *SNARL*
54255	DAVE: ok if he broke up with you or whatever that was because of his dumb bird issues not my issues
54256	DAVE: theres no way i would have done that to you
54257	DAVE: my issues are totally different and probably way more serious
54258	DAVE: i dont see anyone ordering him to master time travel or trying to pawn brittle welsh swords off on him do you
54259	DAVE: nobody is telling him hes got to murder the incredible hulk
54260	DAVE: did you tell him hes got to murder the incredible hulk jade
54261	DAVE: no i think not
54262	JADE: *sigh*
54263	JADE: dave, i did my best to put all this behind me a long time ago
54264	JADE: i did not come here to dredge up any of this drama with you
54265	JADE: besides, such behavior is unbecoming of her condescensions loyal subordinates
54266	JADE: you can be stubborn all you want, but i will force you to comply with her wishes one way or another
54267	JADE: it will be quite easy actually
54268	JADE: all i have to do is target the people you care about most
54269	DAVE: hey
54270	DAVE: what are you doing
54271	DAVE: dont you dare touch the mayor
54272	JADE: he is a very cute mayor
54273	JADE: it therefore pains me to have to do this
54274	DAVE: GET AWAY FROM HIM!
54275	DAVE: GOT YOU
54276	DAVE: i got you i got you i got you i got you
54277	DAVE: im not letting go no never again never again i got you mayor
54278	DAVE: never never never again its ok everything will be ok i have you youre safe and sound now its all going to be alright
54279	DAVE: its ok i wont let her hurt you mayor no no no never never never never never again
54280	DAVE: youre fine now youre ok that was close so close but im here mayor im here for you and im not letting go i promise
54281	DAVE: when this is all over lets run away together just you and me and we can build can town a REAL can town and well live there together alone all by ourselves and forget this nightmare ever happened
54282	DAVE: everythings going to be fine mayor itll all be ok shoosh shoosh shoosh shoosh shoosh shoosh shoosh shoosh shoosh shoosh shoosh shoosh shoosh shooooooooooooooooooooooooosh
54283	JADE: why is being a bad guy SO HARD?
54284	DAVE: hang on man ive got to take this
54285	DAVE: wonder who this could be
54286	DAVE: mayor ill be just a second with this i promise
54287	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/glitchtext3.gif" border="0" />
54288	Wow!!!!! Those cool new cartridge features have exploded on to your desktop computer once again! Now we're talking. This is some serious Web 2.0 shit, right here. Maybe even... Web 3.0, dare you say? No, let's not get carried away. It isn't THAT cool. But wait, look! Another three options too pick from. The carousel of choice spins round and round, while the dervish of free will...
54289	The dervish of free will can kiss your ass, you grumble through a double facepalm. The UI is still seized up with ugly jittering artifacts. At least this time a different path is available, it would seem. You guess you'll click the only working option, and resign yourself to a straightforward, choiceless procession through the story, as usual. Linear as she goes, you grouse as you click the Kanaya button.
54290	Web 2.0? More like Web two point NO. You're starting to wish the internet was never invented.
54291	KANAYA: Why Would You Do That!
54292	KANAYA: I Do Not Understand Why You Needed To Impale My Friend To Demonstrate Your Resurrection Abilities!
54293	KANAYA: I Believed You!
54294	KANAYA: It Was Pointless And Cruel And Does Not Advance My Willingness To Cooperate With You At All!
54295	KANAYA: Furthermore It Did Not Prove That You Can Use Said Abilities To Harm Me!
54296	KANAYA: I Believe That Assertion Was Based On A Fallacious Theory About My Constitution!
54297	KANAYA: In Actuality One Could Easily Kill Me With Any Number Of Conventional Methods!
54298	KANAYA: Im Sure You Could Chop My Head Off Or Burn Me Alive Or Crush Me To Death And I Would Die Just Fine!
54299	KARKAT: (whoa, kanaya)
54300	KARKAT: (could you maybe not give the psycho fork girl any more ideas???)
54301	KANAYA: I Am Not Scared Of You!
54302	KANAYA: None Of Us Are!
54303	KARKAT: (i kind of am)
54304	KANAYA: Karkat Shut Up!
54305	KANAYA: If This Treacherous Despot Serving Turncoat Seeks Compliance From Me Then She Will Have To Pry It From My Mutilated Lifeless Cadaver!
54306	KARKAT: (oh no oh god oh no oh god)
54307	KANAYA: If You Are So Convinced That Your Recuperative Magic Will Strike Me Down Then Why Dont You Put Your Theory To The Test!
54308	KANAYA: I Doubt You Will Since You Have Made It Clear You Need Our Participation To Achieve Your Goals Which Is A Fact That Your Naive Cohort Foolishly Revealed To Us!
54309	KANAYA: I Dont Think She Is Very Good At Being A Villain And To Be Honest I Have My Doubts About You As Well So I Am Calling Your Bluff!
54310	KANAYA: So If You Continue To Insist That Your Healing Enchantments Have The Power To Slay Me Then I Implore You To Give It Your Best Shot!
54311	KANAYA: Go On Do It!
54312	KANAYA: DO YOUR HUMAN WORST!
54313	JANE: Silence, buster.
54314	KANAYA: Wait
54315	KANAYA: You Can Talk
54316	KANAYA: Using Actual Sentences
54317	JANE: Obviously.
54318	KANAYA: Then Why Resort Exclusively To Intimidating Robotic Soundbites For
54319	KANAYA: However Long You Were Doing That
54320	JANE: Because when it comes to the affairs of my empire, I am all business.
54321	JANE: You see, Kanaya. I am a businesswoman.
54322	JANE: A very shrewd one at that.
54323	KANAYA: ...
54324	KANAYA: Okay
54325	JANE: Watch and learn, rainbow drinker.
54326	Wow!!!!! Those cool new cartridge features have exploded on to your desktop computer once again! Now we're talking. This is some serious Web 2.0 shit, right here. Maybe even... Web 3.0, dare you say? No, let's not get carried away. Hold the phone. Looks like this piece of shit is still broken. Who is surprised by this? The answer is nobody.
54327	At least the third and final option is probably available now. Let's see what Rose and Terezi are up to.
54328	What? What do you you mean it doesn't work. Are you sure? Try it again.
54329	You're kidding. No, that can't be right.
54330	Only the first option is working? So we have to go through the Dave arc AGAIN?
54331	Sure, what the hell. Looks like we're reading the Dave arc again. Thanks for nothing, "The Information Age".
54332	You know what was cool, you ask your computer rhetorically? WHEN STORIES USED TO BE ON FUCKING PAPER.
54333	JADE: see look, one of your time doubles is surely predestined to come from a few minutes in the future and appear behind me for a surprise attack, riiiight about...
54334	JADE: now!
54335	JADE: ...
54336	JADE: no wait
54337	JADE: riiiiiiiiiight...
54338	JADE: ...
54339	JADE: ...
54340	JADE: NOW!
54341	JADE: ....
54342	JADE: .....
54343	JADE: dave why is your future self being such a wet blanket
54344	DAVE: i told you
54345	DAVE: im not time traveling
54346	DAVE: i think im giving it up for good actually
54347	JADE: :\
54348	DAVE: im serious
54349	DAVE: the thing is
54350	DAVE: being a time guy
54351	DAVE: like actually MASTERING time travel
54352	DAVE: im pretty sure what that involves is
54353	DAVE: learning to never use it
54354	DAVE: see its like karate
54355	DAVE: well
54356	DAVE: its more like what they SAY about karate
54357	DAVE: that you learn it so you dont use it
54358	DAVE: but i mean we all know the truth about karate is if you know karate then obviously in reality you use it all the time
54359	DAVE: like doing lethal fuckin crane kicks and sweet karate chops while walking down the street just cause you can
54360	DAVE: its a god damn no brainer...
54361	DAVE: thats what...
54362	DAVE: you do...
54363	DAVE: with...
54364	DAVE: karate. john what the fuck are you doing here
54365	JOHN: er.
54366	JOHN: i don't know.
54367	DAVE: john dont get me wrong its cool that you randomly dropped by again but this wasnt really the best time
54368	DAVE: we were kind of in the middle of a thing here
54369	JOHN: whoops. sorry.
54370	JADE: yeah john
54371	JADE: did you really have to pick now of all times to materialize out of nowhere and taunt me?
54372	JOHN: i'm SORRY!!!
54373	JOHN: jeez, it was an accident!
54374	JADE: so what now?
54375	JADE: am i REALLY supposed to tackle you, just to watch you vanish yet again?
54376	JOHN: no, no! please don't!
54377	JADE: because i dont really feel like it
54378	JADE: do you have any idea how frustrating that becomes after a while?
54379	JOHN: i didn't mean to come here, really!
54380	JOHN: i still can't control the jumps!
54381	JOHN: i'm TRYING, but it just...
54382	DAVE: dude are you time traveling
54383	DAVE: please dont tell me youre time traveling
54384	DAVE: you need to leave that shit to the experts
54385	JOHN: no, it's not time travel!
54386	JOHN: well, not technically.
54387	DAVE: who do you think youre talking to here
54388	DAVE: do you see this bright red gear on my hoodie
54389	DAVE: that means i know stuff about time travel
54390	DAVE: sure looks like youre time traveling to me
54391	JOHN: no, i swear!
54392	JOHN: ok, see, i went on a dream quest with some troll pirates.
54393	DAVE: troll pirates
54394	JOHN: argh, never mind. that's the long version of the story.
54395	JOHN: ok, so i stuck my hand in this little magic house, and...
54396	DAVE: john youre fucking shit up here
54397	JOHN: what?
54398	DAVE: you being here
54399	DAVE: thats not supposed to happen
54400	DAVE: all this shit were saying now
54401	DAVE: its not supposed to go down like this i can feel it
54402	JOHN: i know!
54403	JOHN: i'm sorry, i would zap away again, but i don't know how!
54404	DAVE: i dont think it matters now dude the pooch is already screwed
54405	JADE: >:o
54406	DAVE: wow wait that was a terrible figure of speech in this context but you know what i mean
54407	DAVE: yo like i was JUST saying i didnt want to time travel anymore to avoid bullshit like this
54408	JOHN: IT'S NOT TIME TRAVEL THOUGH!
54409	JOHN: i promise!
54410	DAVE: then what is it
54411	JOHN: i dunno!
54412	JOHN: like, some kind of surreal, history altering... reality hopping... magic power.
54413	DAVE: thats time travel genius
54414	JOHN: no way, dude.
54415	JOHN: you have to trust me on this.
54416	DAVE: alright
54417	DAVE: but if it turns out you just created a doomed timeline and were all going to die im gonna be hella mad
54418	JOHN: this isn't a doomed timeline.
54419	JOHN: i'm telling you, i can change things.
54420	JOHN: stuff that wasn't supposed to be changed.
54421	JOHN: and i'm not saying bad stuff won't happen as a result of the things i change...
54422	JOHN: but at least it won't make a doomed timeline!
54423	JOHN: the new things that happen will just be...
54424	JOHN: the stuff that's supposed to happen?
54425	DAVE: huh
54426	DAVE: thats pretty dope if true
54427	DAVE: actually in a way that almost makes me more nervous
54428	JOHN: it does?
54429	DAVE: yeah messing with the alpha timeline
54430	DAVE: i mean not the alpha timeline but the ALPHA alpha timeline
54431	DAVE: almost seems
54432	DAVE: heretical i guess?
54433	DAVE: you sure you know what youre doing egbert
54434	JOHN: um, earth to dave.
54435	JOHN: i already said i don't have a clue what i'm doing!
54436	DAVE: gotcha
54437	DAVE: welp im sold
54438	DAVE: but uh
54439	DAVE: really man you kind of are interrupting a thing
54440	DAVE: temporal mechanics not even withstanding
54441	JOHN: what was i interrupting?
54442	DAVE: i think this was going to be a serious conversation here
54443	DAVE: i have a feeling jade and i were going to get all heavy with our relationship issues or whatever
54444	JOHN: you were?
54445	JADE: sigh
54446	JADE: yes, unfortunately thats probably where this was going
54447	JOHN: aw man, i'm sorry. i am fucking this up so bad.
54448	JOHN: see, this is what i'm worried about.
54449	JOHN: even though my random jumps are supposed to be a "safe" form of time travel, i'm still nervous that i might be ruining important events anyway.
54450	JOHN: like, there was all this crazy stuff that happened to get us here, whether it was good or bad.
54451	JOHN: and if i fumble around like this accidentally changing all that stuff, then i won't even know what's going on anymore.
54452	JOHN: maybe no one will!
54453	DAVE: uh
54454	DAVE: does anyone even know whats going on NOW?
54455	JOHN: that's what i'm saying!
54456	JOHN: things are complicated enough as it is!!!
54457	DAVE: truth
54458	JOHN: ok, look...
54459	JOHN: maybe we can try to minimize my impact on the current situation.
54460	JOHN: if i fly away, do you think you can do whatever you were going to do in the first place?
54461	JOHN: do you know what you were going to do?
54462	JADE: yes
54463	JADE: i was going to kick the mayor into the lava
54464	DAVE: what??
54465	DAVE: holy shit so uncool
54466	JADE: i was going to make it clear i was serious about killing someone you cared about
54467	JADE: so you would stop being a baby and start using your powers and swordfight with me you dumb jerk :p
54468	DAVE: wow
54469	DAVE: jade i think you might be a little too good at being a villain its kind of worrying
54470	JADE: thank you :)
54471	DAVE: so the mayor would be dead if john didnt show up?
54472	JADE: oh yes absolutely
54473	JADE: he would be burnt to a crisp right now i am sure of it
54474	DAVE: god damn jade
54475	DAVE: why would you do that you know eventually id probably start using my powers and reluctantly start embracing my role as a reluctant hero
54476	DAVE: that shit always happens
54477	JADE: no you wouldnt you were just going to argue with me forever!
54478	DAVE: yeah maybe
54479	DAVE: but the point is youre not going to bother killing the mayor anymore are you
54480	JADE: i guess not
54481	JADE: he is a very cute mayor after all
54482	DAVE: see john your fake time travel shit is already paying off
54483	DAVE: you saved the mayor congratulations
54484	JOHN: ok, i'm glad the mayor is alive and well.
54485	JOHN: but this is exactly what i wanted to avoid!
54486	JOHN: isn't there some way you could just...
54487	JOHN: pretend i never showed up, and let this play out the way it was supposed to?
54488	JADE: sorry john
54489	JADE: whatever dave and i were going to argue about
54490	JADE: i think the moment has passed
54491	JADE: the whole thing is kind of ruined to be honest
54492	JOHN: DAMN IT!
54493	DAVE: ok all yall settle down im getting a text
54494	DAVE: ...
54495	DAVE: i cant fucking read this
54496	Wow!!!!! Those cool new cartridge features have exploded on to your desktop computer once again! Now we're talking. This is some serious Web 2.0 shit, right here. Maybe even... Web 3.0, dare you say? Yes, you do dare say, just so you don't have to read this whole stupid paragraph yet again. WEB 3.0 IT IS!
54497	The important thing is it appears the Rose and Terezi arc is available now. So you click on that and read it.
54498	If this thing breaks one more time, I'm going to repost all the leprechaun romance stuff here instead.
54499	ROSE: TEREZI, WHAT ARE YOU DOING OVER THERE?
54500	TEREZI: NOTH1NG!
54501	ROSE: Alright, then.
54502	ROSE: What exactly are we supposed to be doing here?
54503	ROSE: Why did she group the two seers together?
54504	ROSE: Was there a point to that?
54505	ROSE: What is her goal with these divide and conquer tactics?
54506	ROSE: Everything is so unclear.
54507	ROSE: Threads leading to the most fortuitous outcomes have gotten so badly tangled.
54508	ROSE: I can't tell if it's the hangover, or if something else is happening.
54509	ROSE: Something out there...
54510	ROSE: Unaccounted for.
54511	ROSE: Why can't I see it?
54512	ROSE: Why have I become so blind again?
54513	ROSE: No offense, Terezi.
54514	TEREZI: 4R3 YOU T4LK1NG TO M3?
54515	ROSE: NO, I'M TALKING TO MYSELF!
54516	TEREZI: WHY?
54517	ROSE: STOP MAKING ME YELL! I STILL HAVE A HEADACHE, AND SO DO YOU!
54518	TEREZI: 4LR1GHT, SORRY!
54519	ROSE: Why am I talking to myself?
54520	ROSE: I think I've spent too much time around Dave.
54521	ROSE: I've also probably spent too much time sharing his genes.
54522	ROSE: Why must our family tree be plagued by so many shameless soliloquists?
54523	ROSE: I wonder if our young parents are like this?
54524	ROSE: I wonder if I will ever find out?
54525	ROSE: And what should I do in the meantime?
54526	ROSE: Should I...
54527	ROSE: Should I really work on completing my personal planetary quest?
54528	ROSE: That whole thing where I learn to "play the rain?"
54529	ROSE: I guess I should feel exhilarated to have the chance again after all these years.
54530	ROSE: Of course I should.
54531	ROSE: But then,
54532	ROSE: Why does it sound like such a drag?
54533	ROSE: I haven't played the violin in a long time.
54534	ROSE: I wonder if I even remember how.
54535	ROSE: Honestly I can't recall ever feeling less motivated to satisfy a looming obligation.
54536	ROSE: I think my quest was fundamentally bound to the nature of this land, which was customized to the profile, needs, and potential for growth of a thirteen year-old girl.
54537	ROSE: But I'm not that person anymore.
54538	ROSE: What if I
54539	ROSE: What if I just
54540	ROSE: Didn't bother doing it?
54541	ROSE: Like, ever?
54542	ROSE: Would anyone notice my dereliction?
54543	ROSE: Would the powers that be strike me down where I loaf?
54544	ROSE: What if I just said fuck it?
54545	ROSE: What then, silly pink tortoise shells? Hmmmm??
54546	ROSE:
54547	ROSE: I guess I should stop procrastinating and have This Conversation with Kanaya.
54548	TT: So.
54549	TT: Have you made any progress in determining what our malefactors want from you and Karkat?
54550	GA: Yes
54551	TT: Well?
54552	GA: Oh
54553	GA: She Wants Us To Speak With Echidna
54554	TT: And?
54555	TT: ...
54556	TT: Are you still there?
54557	GA: Yes
54558	TT: Speak to her about what?
54559	GA: About Releasing The New Frog
54560	TT: I see.
54561	TT: At least it would seem you have a project.
54562	TT: Terezi and I have received no such instruction.
54563	TT: Hello?
54564	GA: Hi
54565	GA: Yeah
54566	TT: Kanaya, do you want to talk about my problem?
54567	GA: What Problem
54568	TT: The one pertaining to my substance abuse.
54569	GA: Oh
54570	GA: Right
54571	GA: Okay
54572	TT: Are you busy?
54573	TT: You seem preoccupied.
54574	GA: No
54575	GA: Well
54576	GA: Yes Sort Of
54577	TT: What are you doing?
54578	GA: Im Um
54579	GA: Just Buying Some Things
54580	TT: You're buying things?
54581	TT: What things?
54582	GA: Just Some
54583	GA: Provisions
54584	TT: Like what?
54585	TT: And from whom?
54586	GA: A Local Vendor
54587	TT: Are you in a consort village?
54588	TT: Don't those shops only sell jars of bugs and such?
54589	TT: You're not buying jars of bugs, are you?
54590	GA: No
54591	GA: Definitely Not Jars Of
54592	GA: Bugs
54593	GA: No
54594	TT: Kanaya, I'm confused.
54595	TT: Could you be a little more descriptive?
54596	GA: I Really Should Go
54597	GA: Lets Talk About My Problem Later
54598	TT: Your problem?
54599	TT: Don't you mean my problem?
54600	GA: Yes
54601	GA: Definitely
54602	GA: Bye
54603	ROSE: TEREZI, WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
54604	TEREZI: CLOWN HUNT1NG
54605	Wow!!!!!
54606	Wow indeed.
54607	Here you go. Aranea's exposition on leprechaun romance, in its entirety, unedited and uncensored, as promised.
54608	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/glitchtext4.gif" border="0" />
54609	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/davejade_smalltext1.gif" border="0" />
54610	JOHN: (uh oh.)
54611	JOHN: (hey!)
54612	JOHN: (you shouldn't be here!)
54613	JOHN: (wha...)
54614	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/davejade_smalltext2.gif" border="0" />
54615	JOHN: (what the hell??)
54616	JOHN: (gotcha!!!)
54617	It still keeps happening.
54618	You come to the sobering realization that things will never stop from keep happening constantly.
54619	And you can't take it anymore.
54620	JOHN: stop fooling around and go find roxy, you dumb goof!
54621	JOHN: who's roxy?
54622	JOHN: OW!
54623	JANE: It is just you and I now, Jake.
54624	JANE: Alone at last.
54625	JAKE: (Gulp!)
54626	JAKE: Jane can you please tell me what in the sam hill is going on?
54627	JAKE: Havent you kept me pinched in the hoosegow long enough?!
54628	JANE: The what.
54629	JAKE: What happened to my grandma! She seemed so nice then all of the sudden WHAMMO shes a gruesome monster!
54630	JAKE: And whats with the thing she zapped on your head that flipped your cuckoo fruitcake switch! Is that what made you lose your marbles jane?
54631	JAKE: And whyd you have to plant such a spanking haymaker on the old breadbasket? That really hurt! It still hurts!!
54632	JAKE: And why oh WHY must my bottom rock these snug custard undies while you get to look like such a doggone BAD ASS?
54633	JAKE: Am i at least permitted to put on a respectable pair of fucking shorts???
54634	JANE: Absolutely not.
54635	JAKE: But jane i...
54636	JANE: Jake. Be quiet.
54637	JANE: Having recently been crowned a supreme being of pure logic, my tolerance for your antiquated horseshit has fallen to nil.
54638	JAKE: Im sorry jane you know what a shameless blatherskite i can be!
54639	JAKE: Especially when im nervous i start bumping my gums and prattling my screwball poppycock til im blue in the puss!
54640	JAKE: You know how rough its been for me jane. After we almost hopped the broom and then dirk slipped me the mitten over the whole trickster sockdolager... it all caught me flat footed and knocked me right into a cocked hat!
54641	JAKE: If squirreling me away in the calaboose like this is payback for the way i behaved youve got to believe me i never meant to hurt you jane! Im doing my best here and thats the real simon pure... SCOUTS HONOR!!!
54642	JANE: Argh!
54643	JANE: Jake, now you have done it.
54644	JANE: You have made me exclaim in frustration audibly.
54645	JANE: If your intent is to welcome another knuckle sandwich instead of my reasoning for your captivity, then go on. Say ONE MORE THING that sounds like something a corny old man would say.
54646	JANE: I dare you.
54647	JAKE: (Double gulp!!)
54648	JANE: That's what I thought.
54649	JANE: Listen carefully, prisoner.
54650	JANE: I stand to inherit a new empire very soon.
54651	JANE: When Earth has reached its final destination, it will be repopulated with a fresh brood of loyal subjects over whom I will rule absolutely.
54652	JANE: But I will not rule alone, Jake. Oh, no. I will need a husband to rule by my side.
54653	JANE: That is where you come in.
54654	JAKE: *Whimper...*
54655	JANE: You and I will be wed, and we will rule my empire together with an iron oven mitt.
54656	JANE: However, the mitt will be worn by me, and me alone. You will have no executive authority whatsoever, because you are too stupid.
54657	JANE: You will always do exactly what I say, when I say it. You will be obedient, cheerful, mostly silent, and scantily clad. Is that understood?
54658	JAKE: *Sob!*
54659	JANE: You will also provide me with children so my imperial legacy will continue, and the Crocker brand will live on in infamy.
54660	JANE: You will sire as many children as I ask for, and they will all be perfect, obedient little heirs and heiresses.
54661	JANE: You do remember our recent agreement to have "a zillion babies," don't you, Jake? I do hope you were not planning to renege on this vow.
54662	JAKE: *Sob sob sob...*
54663	JANE: Our children will rule the empire when we are gone, which of course will be never, because we will be eternally young and beautiful and immortal and in love, for ever and ever.
54664	JANE: We will travel the galaxy conquering planets and expanding my empire. No alien world will pose any resistance to our forces.
54665	JANE: Especially not once I figure out how to unlock all that incredible "Page of Hope potential" hidden away in your pathetic, hunky body.
54666	JAKE: *SOB!!!*
54667	JAKE: Please no jane dont do this! I dont want to get married or sire children or rule an empire! Im scared and sad and afraid and i dont want to do this adventure anymore and i just want to go home!
54668	JAKE: Please let me go back to earth jane! Just like it used to be! I just want to go back to my pumpkin patch in the jungle when things were simpler and all i had to worry about was being tackled by a feisty robot. I want to go back to when i didnt ruin all my friendships and when you didnt hate me and when you didnt go crazy and tell me to be your weird royal husband slave!
54669	JAKE: WAAAAAAAAAAH!!!
54670	JAKE: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO!
54671	JAKE: *Hoooornk!*
54672	DIRK: Ew, dude.
54673	DIRK: Don't blow your nose on your cape.
54674	JAKE: (Brain ghost dirk!)
54675	JAKE: (*Sob...*)
54676	JAKE: (Youve got to do something!)
54677	DIRK: Sorry, man. I'd like to help you out.
54678	DIRK: But I'm not real.
54679	JAKE: (Dag nabbit!)
54680	JAKE: (*Sniffle...*)
54681	JAKE: (Are you sure theres nothing you can do?)
54682	DIRK: I'm only as real as your ability to believe in me.
54683	JAKE: (But i do believe in you.)
54684	JAKE: (I believe in everybody!)
54685	DIRK: Yeah right.
54686	DIRK: You've never really believed in anyone your whole life, and you know it.
54687	DIRK: Everything's always about you. Don't you remember? You already had this epiphany, dingus.
54688	DIRK: I could only become truly real if you ever managed to harness those bomb as shit hope powers she mentioned.
54689	DIRK: Then again, if you actually did that, you wouldn't even need my help.
54690	JAKE: (But i cant!)
54691	JAKE: (And i dont want to be a pawn in her lecherous baby making pastry empire.)
54692	JANE: Jake.
54693	JAKE: (*Blubber...*)
54694	DIRK: Will you stop crying?
54695	DIRK: It's reflecting poorly on both of us.
54696	JAKE: (Sorry.)
54697	JAKE: (*Sniff.*)
54698	DIRK: Hey.
54699	DIRK: Did you shave your legs?
54700	JAKE: (No i think the magic god tier fire burned it all off...)
54701	DIRK: God damn.
54702	DIRK: They're so smooth.
54703	DIRK: A car could swerve outta control on those gams.
54704	JAKE: (I know. Its really weird.)
54705	JAKE: (Speaking of legs...)
54706	DIRK: Yeah. The little poofy asshole pants. I know.
54707	JAKE: (Is that really what youre wearing now?)
54708	DIRK: Yeah.
54709	JAKE: (Sweet!)
54710	DIRK: No.
54711	JANE: JAKE.
54712	JANE: To whom are you talking?
54713	JAKE: Brain ghost dirk.
54714	JANE: Brain... Ghost Dirk?
54715	JAKE: Yes.
54716	JANE: You are lying.
54717	JAKE: No im not!
54718	JANE: Brain Ghost Dirk sounds almost as fake as he is completely made up.
54719	JAKE: But...
54720	JAKE: *Snivel.*
54721	JAKE: *WEEEEEEEEEEP!*
54722	JANE: Oh, for goodness' sake.
54723	JANE: Pull yourself together, Jake.
54724	JANE: Your behavior is repugnant, and has no place in my empire.
54725	JANE: What kind of man are you?
54726	JANE: What kind of suitor to an heiress weeps uncontrollably when his imaginary friend's existence is called into question?
54727	DIRK: She has a point there.
54728	JAKE: *Wahhh!*
54729	DIRK: Dude, would you quit bawling already?
54730	DIRK: Stand up like a man, and punch her in the face or something.
54731	JAKE: But i dont WANNA be a man and i dont WANNA punch her in the face!
54732	JAKE: *WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!*
54733	JANE: Punch WHOM in the face, now?
54734	JAKE: Nobody! *HOOOOOOORNK!*
54735	JANE: Just sickening.
54736	JANE: To think I wasted my youth pining over a vile maggot like you.
54737	JANE: Jake, you should not be misled when I imply that I love you, or when I command you to marry me and sire my children.
54738	JANE: In truth I detest you, and if not for certain assets you possess, I would be sorely tempted to fork you full of holes right now and feed your remains to my daughter.
54739	JANE: .
54740	JANE: .
54741	JANE: .
54742	JANE: But I won't.
54743	JANE: You're lucky you're so hot.
54744	JOHN: hello?
54745	JOHN: is uh...
54746	JOHN: anyone inside that thing?
54747	ROXY: who goes thr
54748	JOHN: don't worry, i am not a villain.
54749	JOHN: i'm just passing through, looking for someone.
54750	JOHN: i was told to find a girl named roxy.
54751	ROXY: roxy huh
54752	ROXY: sounds like a babe
54753	JOHN: heh.
54754	JOHN: yeah, maybe.
54755	JOHN: do you know her?
54756	ROXY: kinda
54757	JOHN: really?
54758	JOHN: have you seen her??
54759	ROXY: nope not in a while i am fraid
54760	JOHN: darn.
54761	ROXY: i could help you find her though
54762	ROXY: w a series of vexing riddles + clues
54763	ROXY: each more bewildering than the last
54764	ROXY: each less infuriating than the next
54765	ROXY: for i am the sphinx of this pyramid and that sort of coy bs is the shit i get up to ery day
54766	ROXY: (all pyramids have sphinxes i decided j now)
54767	JOHN: no, that sounds really dumb.
54768	JOHN: i would rather just have some straightforward information as to her whereabouts.
54769	ROXY: ummmmmmmmmm
54770	ROXY: *strokes sphinxly chin enigmatically*
54771	JOHN: can you at least tell me what she looks like?
54772	ROXY: well the thing is
54773	ROXY: shes hard 2 recognize lately
54774	ROXY: she started wearing a mask for some fukin reason
54775	ROXY: maybe so as to avoid detection from snoopy boys??? ;)
54776	ROXY: (just wonked @ u fyi)
54777	JOHN: you just what?
54778	ROXY: nothin!
54779	JOHN: alright, well...
54780	JOHN: can you tell me where and when you last saw her?
54781	ROXY: heck yes
54782	ROXY: it was last time i looked in a mirror
54783	ROXY: theres no mirrors in jail though
54784	ROXY: which is a shame
54785	ROXY: could use an eyeload of that stone cold fox 2 get me thru the long nites
54786	ROXY: hardest time i ever done :(
54787	JOHN: oh my god.
54788	JOHN: it's you!
54789	JOHN: how could i possibly fall for such a stupid prank.
54790	ROXY: ell em ay friggin OH
54791	ROXY: youre almost as gullible as english
54792	ROXY: how perf is it that thats some kinda family trait
54793	JOHN: what?
54794	ROXY: you must be john right
54795	JOHN: yes.
54796	JOHN: how did you know that?
54797	ROXY: because jake rambled about meetin you a bunch of times
54798	ROXY: also u sound like him
54799	JOHN: oh.
54800	JOHN: it seems like you have me at a disadvantage then.
54801	JOHN: which is impressive, considering you are in jail, and also in a little green pyramid thingy for some reason.
54802	JOHN: did you...
54803	JOHN: did you actually build that thing?
54804	ROXY: f yeah!
54805	JOHN: that's cool. it's like a little fort.
54806	JOHN: i built a fort once in my room. i made it out of a bed sheet, and some cruxite dowels.
54807	JOHN: then my friend threw it in a bottomless pit.
54808	ROXY: hahah
54809	ROXY: thas awesome
54810	JOHN: it was alright.
54811	ROXY: no but 4 real dont wreck my fort or i fuck you up
54812	JOHN: i wouldn't dare.
54813	JOHN: aren't you going to come out so i can see you?
54814	ROXY: i would but
54815	ROXY: ive been tryin to concentrate on something
54816	ROXY: so i built this sick pyramid deal to help focus my brain chi and spiritual majyyks and if at all possible to blitz my chakras out the yin yang
54817	JOHN: is it working?
54818	ROXY: no
54819	ROXY: but at least its nice and dark and quiet in here and free of distactions
54820	ROXY: or it was until a guy came along lookin for some chick
54821	JOHN: what are you trying to do exactly?
54822	ROXY: i have to make a spikeball appear out of thin air
54823	ROXY: but all i can make are these lame cubes
54824	JOHN: you made all these cubes??
54825	ROXY: yup
54826	JOHN: that's a neat power.
54827	ROXY: ty
54828	ROXY: i also made some pumpkins
54829	ROXY: cubes n pumpkins
54830	ROXY: the manifestations of amateurs
54831	ROXY: theyre basically freebies for void players i think
54832	JOHN: i remember making some of those cubes with my alchemiter.
54833	JOHN: i think that's what a blank card makes? so yeah, they're super primitive.
54834	JOHN: but making pumpkins is pretty impressive. they're like... these big ol' vegetables.
54835	ROXY: no dude
54836	ROXY: pumpkins are helllls o primitive
54837	ROXY: voidwise theyre like the middle square on a bingo card
54838	ROXY: drummin up a dumb gourd aint nothing to write home about
54839	JOHN: well, if you're really having trouble...
54840	JOHN: i know a thing or two about learning to use god tier powers.
54841	JOHN: maybe i could help?
54842	ROXY: hay look
54843	ROXY: its jake stuffed in a blue windsock
54844	ROXY: heheheh
54845	JOHN: huh?
54846	ROXY: n/m
54847	ROXY: so what kind of hot god tier trix can you teach me
54848	JOHN: tricks...
54849	JOHN: i guess i don't know any actual TRICKS per se, aside from how to use some of my powers.
54850	JOHN: but i don't know if the same tricks apply to using your powers...
54851	ROXY: u said u could help tho
54852	JOHN: i said MAYBE i could!
54853	JOHN: i dunno, i was just throwing it out there.
54854	JOHN: like, maybe if i told you about some of the experiences i had when i was learning to do my windy stuff, you might have some kind of... voidey epiphany?
54855	ROXY: a voidey epiphany
54856	JOHN: yes.
54857	ROXY: k then
54858	ROXY: im all ears johnny windsock
54859	ROXY: let loose ur wisdom whilst i rake in the epiphanies
54860	JOHN: ok, um,
54861	JOHN: i've noticed whenever i learn to do new things with my powers, it's usually in response to something. like something important that has to be done.
54862	JOHN: so why are you trying to make this spike ball?
54863	JOHN: and how important does it feel to you?
54864	ROXY: well at first i was mainly tryin to make it because dog girl was forcing me to
54865	ROXY: but now i think i keep trying because im gettin obsessed with making this dumb spikeball and PO'd that i cant do it
54866	JOHN: i see.
54867	JOHN: what actually IS this spike ball, if you don't mind my asking?
54868	ROXY: its an alien egg
54869	ROXY: 4 tha trolls
54870	ROXY: to hatch em all back to life
54871	ROXY: but only to be ruled by an evil witch so its gonna be shitty for them
54872	ROXY: so yeah its kind of an important thing
54873	ROXY: but at the same time it would probably be terrible if i actually made it so...
54874	JOHN: then maybe the fact that you're conflicted about it is why you're having trouble?
54875	ROXY: yeh maybe
54876	JOHN: if you think it's important to make, but don't want to give it to the bad guys, why don't you just...
54877	JOHN: break out of jail?
54878	JOHN: then you could try to make the egg at your own discretion, and use it however you think is best.
54879	ROXY: idk
54880	ROXY: i broke outta here once already and the fuckin witch just nabbed me again
54881	ROXY: and that was BEFORE she recruited jakes omnipotent goofball grandma to zap me back here the moment i step outside
54882	JOHN: yeah. it is a tricky situation with grimbark jade on the loose, that's for sure.
54883	JOHN: but i've been managing to evade her.
54884	JOHN: i just swoosh the breeze around to hide my scent, and dissolve into wind and fly away if she finds me.
54885	JOHN: maybe you could do something like that too?
54886	JOHN: it seems to me if anyone should be able to avoid detection using their powers, it would be a void player.
54887	JOHN: get it? a void... as in, avoid?
54888	JOHN: heh.
54889	ROXY: that is legit sound reasoning yo
54890	ROXY: + a way lame pun 2 boot
54891	ROXY: but remember how we were just talkin about the fact that when it comes to god tier shit i dont know what the eff im doin??
54892	JOHN: oh.
54893	JOHN: right.
54894	ROXY: anyway
54895	ROXY: i thought you were going to regale me with stories of your ascent through the windsock tiers
54896	ROXY: such that i may through osmosis glean the vagaries of godhood
54897	ROXY: then all i got to do is wait for this rude tidal wave of epiphanies n junk to wash over me and get me hella wise
54898	ROXY: then and only then
54899	ROXY: i will b able to make this shitty egg happen
54900	ROXY: k?
54901	JOHN: ok. where should i start?
54902	ROXY: at the beginning!
54903	JOHN: you mean like when i first became a god tier?
54904	JOHN: that's a long story... i was kind of tricked into that.
54905	JOHN: it might take some setup to understand.
54906	ROXY: dude look
54907	ROXY: i dont have grand illusions that this yarn you spinll be like some actual efficacious tutelage on fuckin pajama spells
54908	ROXY: i just want to hear u talk about stuff
54909	ROXY: wanna kno ur stories!!!
54910	ROXY: go :3
54911	JOHN: alright.
54912	JOHN: in that case, i guess it all started on my thirteenth birthday.
54913	JOHN: which was three years ago, by the way.
54914	JOHN: i heard about this awesome game, or at least one i thought was awesome, and i wanted to play it with my friends.
54915	JOHN: but it wasn't so easy to start. i had to get it from the mail, which meant sneaking around the house while avoiding my dad.
54916	JOHN: which was kind of stupid and childish in retrospect, but blah blah blah.
54917	JOHN: blah blah blah blah blah.
54918	JOHN: blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.
54919	ROXY: hmmmmm
54920	ROXY: go on
54921	JOHN: blah blah blah blah blah blah blah meteor.
54922	JOHN: blah blah blah.
54923	JOHN: blah blah blah blah blah nannasprite blah blah blah blah oil everywhere blah blah blah blah blah blah imps blah blah blah.
54924	ROXY: m hm
54925	JOHN: blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.
54926	JOHN: blah blah blah your daughter blah blah at least i think she is blah blah blah blah.
54927	JOHN: blah salamanders blah blah blah.
54928	JOHN: blah blah blah blah blah trolls blah blah blah blah blah rocketpack blah blah blah died.
54929	ROXY: rly
54930	JOHN: blah blah karkat blah blah blah blah blah ectobiology.
54931	JOHN: blah blah blah jack noir.
54932	JOHN: blah blah blah blah blah blah blah queen's ring blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah my dad blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah a girl named vriska.
54933	JOHN: blah blah blah blah windy thing blah blah blah blah blah blah ocean of green fire.
54934	ROXY: wow
54935	JOHN: blah blah blah quest bed blah blah blah blah blah.
54936	JOHN: blah blah prototyped blah blah blah blah blah blah blah jade's omnipotent dog.
54937	JOHN: blah blah chess guy blah blah blah blah blah flying around in my dad's car blah blah blah blah blah blah blah liv tyler.
54938	JOHN: blah the battlefield blah blah blah blah huge wind drill blah blah blah blah the tumor.
54939	JOHN: blah blah.
54940	ROXY: pls continue
54941	JOHN: blah blah blah followed rose blah blah blah blah blah blah blah mom and dad died blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah kissed her back to life.
54942	JOHN: blah blah blah blah the scratch.
54943	JOHN: blah blah huge record blah blah blah blah blah blah giant needle.
54944	JOHN: blah blah blah blah blah green sun blah blah blah blah blah reset blah blah blah blah blah god tier jade blah blah blah blah blah blah blah golden battleship.
54945	ROXY: ur kiddin me
54946	JOHN: blah blah blah blah blah through a giant window.
54947	JOHN: blah blah three years blah blah blah blah blah blah con air.
54948	JOHN: blah blah thought it sucked blah blah blah blah but eventually came to my senses blah blah.
54949	JOHN: blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah ghost busters 2 mmorpg.
54950	ROXY: mmm
54951	JOHN: blah blah blah blah blah blah DUEL WITH JACK NOIR!
54952	JOHN: blah blah blah TURNED INTO WIND AND ESCAPED blah blah blah blah blah blah.
54953	JOHN: blah blah blah blah COOL HAT WITH RABBIT EARS!
54954	ROXY: oooh
54955	JOHN: blah blah blah CRACKS IN PARADOX SPACE blah blah blah ENCHANTED DESERT blah blah blah MAGIC RING!
54956	JOHN: blah blah ADVENTURE ON THE HIGH SEAS blah blah blah blah blah blah GHOSTLY TROLL PIRATES!
54957	JOHN: blah ULTIMATE WEAPON blah blah blah blah blah blah DEFEAT LORD ENGLISH!
54958	ROXY: !!
54959	JOHN: blah blah blah blah HOUSE SHAPED THINGY!
54960	JOHN: blah blah POKED MY HAND INSIDE blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah UNSTUCK IN CANON!
54961	JOHN: blah blah blah TURNED BLURRY blah blah blah blah CLOWNS ON TOP OF THE WHITE HOUSE blah blah blah blah VAMPIRE HISSED AT ME blah blah blah blah LITERALLY INSIDE CON AIR blah blah blah GLITCHY BULLSHIT blah blah blah MET MYSELF blah blah blah blah FINALLY FOUND YOU HIDING IN THIS LITTLE GREEN PYRAMID! WHEW!
54962	ROXY: omg
54963	JOHN: so that's...
54964	JOHN: pretty much the whole story?
54965	JOHN: i left a bunch of stuff out though.
54966	JOHN: if more important stuff that i forgot occurs to me, i will let you know.
54967	ROXY: hey no thats fine
54968	ROXY: that was all great and exciting as heck
54969	ROXY: it sounds like you guys got up to a lot more crazy shit than we did
54970	ROXY: for us its been mostly dicking around in a session full of spooky skeletons for half a year
54971	ROXY: then fefeta died
54972	ROXY: the end
54973	JOHN: fefeta?
54974	ROXY: fefeta was a dear sweet precious dear DEAR friend of mine
54975	ROXY: she was beautiful and sweet and lovely
54976	ROXY: she sploded
54977	JOHN: wow.
54978	JOHN: i'm sorry.
54979	ROXY: oh we also became tricksters which as far as things that happen go was sooo dumb
54980	ROXY: i guess thats kinda the epilogue of our story?
54981	ROXY: oh yeah then we had hangovers and went god tier accidentally
54982	ROXY: thats the double epilogue
54983	ROXY: the end ex two combo
54984	JOHN: i don't know, that all sounds pretty interesting to me.
54985	JOHN: sometimes in life, when you look back on things it can feel like it was all boring and uneventful.
54986	JOHN: but when you really think about it, you remember all these cool things that happened you forgot about.
54987	ROXY: hm yeah
54988	ROXY: them wise words j sock
54989	JOHN: anyway, if you remember more about your adventure and want to tell me some time, i would love to hear it!
54990	ROXY: haha ok
54991	ROXY: um but hey
54992	ROXY: i could not help but notice in ur story you was talkin about my mom sometimes
54993	JOHN: your mom?
54994	JOHN: well, yeah. but i know her as your daughter.
54995	JOHN: but i mean, who the hell knows at this point?
54996	ROXY: i know rite
54997	ROXY: the curious case of the mutual moms
54998	ROXY: it is
54999	ROXY: the biggest mystery?
55000	ROXY: u no
55001	ROXY: once i even caught wind of some lore that implied i might even be my OWN mom
55002	ROXY: (fefeta hinted that @ me once during a long spiel DAMN that girl could talk)
55003	ROXY: how messed up would that be tho
55004	JOHN: there is probably something to that actually.
55005	JOHN: you were all the first batch of babies, after all.
55006	JOHN: i think you were literal copies of yourselves?
55007	JOHN: that's what it supposedly means to be a paradox clone.
55008	ROXY: babies
55009	ROXY: wat
55010	JOHN: oh.
55011	JOHN: i guess i kind of glossed over this stuff in my story.
55012	JOHN: but i was the one who made us all in the first place, with a weird cloning machine.
55013	ROXY: no fuckin shit???
55014	ROXY: *is impressed*
55015	JOHN: it was no big deal though. i was just messing around with a control panel, and some babies appeared.
55016	ROXY: so we already met huh
55017	ROXY: and i dont even remember because i was just some idiot bb
55018	ROXY: that aint fair!
55019	JOHN: come to think of it, we met one other time too.
55020	JOHN: but you were asleep.
55021	ROXY: ??
55022	JOHN: you were floating around in purple pajamas, and i pushed you out of the way of a flying fork.
55023	JOHN: i almost forgot about that. but yep, that was you alright.
55024	ROXY: you shoulda woke me up then
55025	JOHN: i might have, but the fork stabbed me in the chest, and dream killed my sleep ghost. or something.
55026	JOHN: you know how it is with dream logic.
55027	ROXY: u mean how it makes lil 2 no sense ever
55028	JOHN: yes, exactly.
55029	JOHN: i guess i didn't think much about it at the time, but i had a sneaky suspicion that's who you were.
55030	JOHN: you really look a lot like rose.
55031	JOHN: she is looking for you, by the way.
55032	ROXY: yeah?????
55033	JOHN: she told me to go find you. and i did.
55034	JOHN: so, she says hi.
55035	ROXY: o man
55036	ROXY: what else did she say
55037	JOHN: uh.
55038	JOHN: she said...
55039	JOHN: she's looking forward to meeting you?
55040	ROXY: awwwwww
55041	ROXY: well if u see her again before i do tell her i cant wait to meet her too
55042	ROXY: though tbh im kinda nervous about it but dont tell her that part haha
55043	JOHN: sure!
55044	JOHN: there's nothing to be nervous about though.
55045	JOHN: she's just a nice nerd who likes to read and knit.
55046	ROXY: i shouldnt be surprised to hear that
55047	ROXY: me and all my friends are a bunch of silly nerds too
55048	ROXY: even dirk who thinks hes 2 cool 4 school
55049	ROXY: when in reality he is nowhere close to clearing the coolness threshold which exempts one from attending an educational institution :p
55050	JOHN: speaking of which...
55051	JOHN: i've been wondering where he is?
55052	JOHN: i know jade's grandpa is in jail too, getting badgered by my evil nanna...
55053	ROXY: u mean jake n jane
55054	JOHN: yes, sorry.
55055	JOHN: but i have not seen hide nor hair of dave's bro yet.
55056	ROXY: i figured he got thrown in jail too
55057	ROXY: although come to think of it i probly would have heard a bloody ruckus by now resulting from his inevitable escape attempt
55058	JOHN: hmm.
55059	ROXY: im not that worried about him though hes good at takin care of himself
55060	ROXY: in fact i feel like all of us will be ok now that you guys are here
55061	ROXY: but
55062	ROXY: there is still one of my friends im worried about the most
55063	JOHN: who?
55064	ROXY: shes my best friend
55065	ROXY: well ok
55066	ROXY: i got a few best friends u know?
55067	JOHN: yes.
55068	ROXY: but she was always kind of a special best friend
55069	ROXY: and last time i saw her she was in big trouble
55070	JOHN: oh no.
55071	JOHN: where is she?
55072	ROXY: in the afterlife
55073	ROXY: being dead
55074	JOHN: ...
55075	ROXY: her bro killed her
55076	ROXY: which is bad enough
55077	ROXY: but now hes out there
55078	ROXY: hunting for her ghost
55079	ROXY: shes doing her best to hide
55080	ROXY: but her bro is an awful and relentless piece of shit and im afraid
55081	ROXY: im afraid she might be already gone :(
55082	JOHN: you're right, that is very concerning.
55083	JOHN: who is she? would i know of her?
55084	ROXY: dunno
55085	ROXY: how in the loop are you on cherubs?
55086	JOHN: oh!
55087	JOHN: surprisingly, i know a LOT about that subject.
55088	JOHN: for instance, did you know they turn into gigantic snakes when they have sex?
55089	ROXY: :O
55090	ROXY: :O
55091	ROXY: :O
55092	JOHN: i know. weird, right?
55093	JOHN: that's probably not very relevant to the topic at hand, though.
55094	ROXY: yeah prob not
55095	ROXY: anyway u know about lord english right
55096	JOHN: uh huh.
55097	ROXY: ok well
55098	ROXY: shes his sister
55099	ROXY: her name is calliope
55100	JOHN: ohhh.
55101	JOHN: ok, this is starting to make sense.
55102	ROXY: yep
55103	ROXY: shes supposed to be critical to defeatin him somehow
55104	ROXY: shes going on some quest out there to find a deadlier version of herself or whatever
55105	ROXY: i dunno that could be all be true...
55106	ROXY: and maybe its selfish of me but all i rly care about now is if shes ok??
55107	JOHN: i understand. she is your friend.
55108	JOHN: i would feel the same way.
55109	ROXY: :)
55110	JOHN: wait a minute...
55111	JOHN: i've got it!
55112	ROXY: got what
55113	JOHN: i have such a good idea that would solve your problem.
55114	ROXY: ????
55115	JOHN: all you have to do is bring her back to life!
55116	ROXY: how
55117	JOHN: easy.
55118	JOHN: i have a magic ring!
55119	ROXY: what
55120	ROXY: u have one too
55121	JOHN: yes!
55122	JOHN: wait. what do you mean too?
55123	JOHN: you have a magic ring??
55124	ROXY: i HAD one
55125	ROXY: fuckin lost it though
55126	ROXY: made peeps invisible who put it on
55127	JOHN: ah.
55128	JOHN: no, mine doesn't do that.
55129	JOHN: it brings ghosts back to life!
55130	ROXY: FUCK
55131	ROXY: no wai
55132	JOHN: yes wai. way.
55133	JOHN: it's back at my house.
55134	JOHN: i could go get it right now!
55135	ROXY: damn son
55136	ROXY: i find this 2 be some truly baller happenstance
55137	ROXY: if ur claim is true im.......
55138	ROXY: im cry :')
55139	JOHN: it is quite true.
55140	JOHN: it should be a piece of cake.
55141	JOHN: you just wear it when you go to sleep, and it comes with you in your dreams.
55142	JOHN: then you find your cherub friend, put it on her finger, and bring her back!
55143	JOHN: i think you can only use it once though. so once she's wearing it, it would be hers forever, or at least as long as she wants it.
55144	ROXY: yo
55145	ROXY: yooooo
55146	ROXY: john thats amazing
55147	ROXY: i dunno though that sounds like
55148	ROXY: such an obscenely precious commodity
55149	ROXY: u sure you want to let me use it?
55150	JOHN: sure.
55151	JOHN: it's no big deal, really.
55152	JOHN: for a while i was hanging on to it, thinking that i might give it to...
55153	JOHN: aw man, this is going to sound dumb.
55154	ROXY: hm?
55155	JOHN: there was a girl who i was considering giving it to, for some reason.
55156	JOHN: remember? she was the diabolical one who figured prominently in my long story.
55157	ROXY: um
55158	ROXY: oh yea
55159	ROXY: fresca right
55160	JOHN: yes, close enough.
55161	JOHN: see, she REALLY wanted that ring.
55162	JOHN: and she found out i had it, and...
55163	JOHN: honestly, i'm not sure why it even crossed my mind to give it to her?
55164	JOHN: i guess i was just used to the idea that i liked her for some reason.
55165	JOHN: at least i thought i did.
55166	JOHN: it was a stupid idea based on hardly anything. like one day of conversations.
55167	JOHN: but since i've gotten to know her better...
55168	JOHN: i don't know.
55169	JOHN: i think i might actually...
55170	JOHN: kind of hate her?
55171	ROXY: yeah?
55172	JOHN: yeah, she's...
55173	JOHN: actually pretty awful!
55174	JOHN: she's so full of herself, and mean to her friends, and...
55175	JOHN: dangerous.
55176	JOHN: really, really dangerous.
55177	ROXY: ouch
55178	ROXY: well what can i say john
55179	ROXY: love sux
55180	JOHN: yeah. it does.
55181	JOHN: anyway, i don't think i can let anyone like that have the ring.
55182	ROXY: but u dont mind trustin me w it?
55183	JOHN: no!
55184	JOHN: it's funny, after spending some time with a person who is legitimately crazy, it becomes easy to tell right away when someone...
55185	JOHN: isn't?
55186	ROXY: lol
55187	ROXY: u sure about that
55188	JOHN: well, yeah, everyone is a little crazy. i just mean not BAD crazy.
55189	JOHN: besides, you don't even want the ring for yourself.
55190	JOHN: you want to give it to someone you care about.
55191	JOHN: that is what makes you one of the good guys.
55192	ROXY: what a nice thing to say
55193	ROXY: i bet sayin stuff like that is why ur their leader
55194	JOHN: what makes you think i'm the leader?
55195	ROXY: come on dude you are obvs the leader of otherkid teamsquad
55196	ROXY: i can just tell
55197	JOHN: haha, ok. i'll take that as a compliment.
55198	JOHN: anyway, i'll go get the ring now.
55199	ROXY: yay!
55200	ROXY: ill wait here
55201	ROXY: no need to set off the alarms with a daring escape just yet
55202	ROXY: lets keep em lulled into a false sense of control over the sitch
55203	ROXY: we can start scheming under their nose while u keep sneakin around undetected
55204	ROXY: the last thing we want is for all hell to break loose before we know what were doin
55205	JOHN: yeah, that's a good plan.
55206	JOHN: if i had to guess, i'd say you must be the leader of your team squad too, right?
55207	ROXY: naaaw
55208	ROXY: that's jane
55209	ROXY: as you can see shes the one with a knack for ruthless executive authority
55210	ROXY: is a shame she only uses it when evil tho :(
55211	JOHN: yeah.
55212	JOHN: but maybe we can do something about that, if we work together.
55213	ROXY: :D
55214	JOHN: alright. off i go.
55215	JOHN: keep practicing your powers!
55216	JOHN: see you, roxy.
55217	ROXY: aw yiss
55218	John Egbert's ring has gone missing.
55219	WE ARE ALL COMPLETELY BLOWN AWAY BY THIS STUNNING REVELATION.
55220	WOW. MISSING. REALLY? AS IN NOT THERE?
55221	HUH.
55222	IT'S NOT THAT INTERESTING.
55223	WE NOW RETURN TO YOUR FAVORITE WEB SERIES. HOMOSUCK.
55224	ACT SOMETHING ACT SOMETHING SOMETHING. ALREADY IN PROGRESS.
55225	THE LAST TIME THAT THINGS HAPPENED. THE MALE STORY HERO BLEW UP. SO FORTUNATELY. WE WON'T SEE HIM EVER AGAIN.
55226	THAT MEANS WE NEED TO BE A NEW MALE TO LEAD THE STORY. HERE HE IS. WITH HIS DUMB BLACK GLASSES AND EVERYTHING.
55227	HERE TO ONWARD. I WILL REFER TO THIS MALE AS. THE ALPHA MALE.
55228	THE ALPHA MALE IS LESS BAD THAN THE ORIGINAL MALE. HE IS NOT AS ANNOYING. AND HAS NO TENDENCY TO RANDOMLY APPEAR AND BOTHER PEOPLE. HE ALSO LIKES COOL SWORDS. AND "IRONY" I GUESS. AND LIKE MYSELF. HE HAS CULTIVATED A TASTE FOR FINE ART. HENCE, HE WILL BE MY MALE OF CHOICE ON THIS ADVENTURE.
55229	BUT I WILL ADMIT. THERE IS ONE REASON ABOVE OTHERS. WHY I HAVE DECIDED TO FAVOR THE ALPHA MALE.
55230	YESSSSSSSSSSS.
55231	NORMALLY. HERE'S WHAT WOULD HAPPEN.
55232	HE WOULD TALK INTO HIS GLASSES OR SOMETHING. LIKE A PITIFUL LOSER. IN DOING SO HE WOULD SUMMON BELOW HIS RECTANGLE. WHAT IS KNOWN AS. A PESTERLOG.
55233	IT IS NEVER ADVISABLE TO OPEN A PESTERLOG. YOU SEE. THE BUTTON IS A TRAP. WHICH WHEN SPRUNG. RELEASES WORDS UPON WORDS. WHICH ONLY SERVE TO REMIND YOU. OF YOUR INTENSE DISLIKE FOR THE PEOPLE SAYING THE THINGS. AS WELL AS. HOW LITTLE REGARD THE AUTHOR HAS. FOR YOUR VALUABLE TIME.
55234	AS SUCH. THERE WILL BE NO WORDS DESCRIBED IN MY TALE. ONLY ACTION!
55235	THE ALPHA MALE WHISTLES FOR HIS BITCHES.
55236	HE WILL NEED A LOYAL ENTOURAGE OF TOP FLIGHT FEMALES TO ASSIST HIM ON HIS IMPORTANT BOY JOURNEY.
55237	THESE TWO DELECTABLE FLOOZIES WERE NOT SUPPOSED TO SHOW UP UNTIL A LOT LATER.
55238	BUT LET'S BE HONEST. IT DOESN'T MATTER.
55239	YOU AND YOUR COMELY HAREM OF HOOCHIE MAMAS CUT TO THE FUCKING CHASE. YOU SIDLE UP TO THE ASSORTMENT OF GAME JUNK. WHICH IS RELEVANT TO MAKING THIS HAPPEN.
55240	HE WILL NOT BE A PART OF THIS STORY.
55241	THE ALPHA MALE DOES THE REQUISITE THINGS WITH THE STUFF. HIS ADVENTURE IS NIGH.
55242	THE ALPHA MALE AND HIS TRUSTY BITCH PARADE PROCEED TO THE ROOF. TO WITNESS THE INCREDIBLE LAND OF FANTASY HE HAS ENTERED.
55243	YOU SUCCESSFULLY BE ON THE ROOF. AND PREPARE TO HUMAN KISS YOUR SORRY PLANET GOODBYE. THERE IS NOT A DRY EYE IN THE PARTY. EXCEPT FOR THE MALE'S. AS WELL AS THE PUPPET'S.
55244	SOMETHING WITH LAVA I THINK? I DON'T REALLY CARE. I WILL JUST MAKE UP MY OWN. IT WILL BE A GREAT OPPORTUNITY. TO FLEX MY POWERFUL *WORLD BUILDING* MUSCLES FOR YOU TO BE DAZZLED BY.
55245	YOU SEE. WHEN CRAFTING A STRONG AND COMPELLING NARRATIVE. I THINK IT'S IMPORTANT FOR AN ACCOMPLISHED ARTIST. TO GIVE HIMSELF THE LATITUDE TO DO WHATEVER HE WANTS. AND TO FUCK AROUND AS MUCH AS CHERUBICALLY POSSIBLE. AND THE SIZE OF THAT LATITUDE SHOULD BE. LITERALLY AS BIG. AS THE WHOLE FUCKING STORY.
55246	AS SUCH. USING KNOWLEDGE ACCRUED FROM MY TOMES OF ARTISAN KNOWLEDGE. I WILL CHANGE MY "ART STYLE". TO DEMONSTRATE MY VERSATILITY. AND MAKE YOU BE IMPRESSED.
55247	HOWEVER. THE MANGAS ARE CLEARLY TOO ADVANCED FOR NOW. AFTER I LEVEL UP IN FINE ART. MAYBE. BUT NOT NOW.
55248	SO FOR THE TIME BEING. AND TO GET MORE PRACTICE. ALL OF MY WORLD ASSETS. WILL BE RESPECTFULLY PLAGIARIZED FROM THE DISTINGUISHED MR. EMBERLY.
55249	YOU BECKON A FLOCK OF NOBLE MOUNTS. YOUR PARTY WILL NEED THEM. TO GALLOP ACROSS MY BEAUTIFUL REALM OF WONDERS.
55250	THE ALPHA MALE'S REIGN OF ADVENTURE BEGINS HERE. ON THIS ROOF. OVERLOOKING AN ENCHANTED CLIFFSCAPE. HOST TO INNUMERABLE GORGEOUS STALLIONS.
55251	HOW IRONIC. THAT HIS VERY DEPARTURE. WOULD BE IN THE PROXIMITY OF SOME HORSES. WHAT. YOU DIDN'T FOLLOW THAT? JUST THINK IT OVER.
55252	THINK IT OVER.
55253	ALL MEMBERS OF YOUR PARTY SIT ON THEIR MAJESTIC BEASTS OF BURDEN. AND PREPARE TO RIDE LIKE THE WIND.
55254	IT GOES WITHOUT SAYING. THAT THE INCOMPLETE HORSES. MUST BE RESERVED FOR THE WOMEN.
55255	THEY'RE OFF! LOOK AT THEM GO.
55256	RAUCOUS MELEE IS IMMINENT.
55257	THE MALE REACHES FOR HIS BLADE. BUT DISCOVERS. HE DOESN'T HAVE ONE!
55258	IN HIS HASTE TO BEGIN HIS JOURNEY. HE FORGOT TO TAKE IT.
55259	I GIVE THE MALE A MYSTERIOUS CHEST.
55260	WILL WHAT IS INSIDE. TURN THE TIDE OF BATTLE?? LET'S FIND OUT.
55261	YOU OPEN THE CHEST. TO REVEAL A COLLECTION OF ILLICIT SMUT.
55262	*JACKPOT* I SAY. BY WHICH I MEAN. YOU SAY.
55263	YOUR FILTHY HUMAN PORNOGRAPHY. HAS BEEN FORGED INTO A FORMIDABLE BLADE.
55264	YOUR FOES TREMBLE IN THEIR BOOTS!
55265	YOU DEAL A CRITICAL HIT TO THE HORRIBLE WITCH.
55266	HOWEVER. AN ILL TIMED LEAP SUBSEQUENTLY CAUSES YOU TO SUFFER *MASSIVE DAMAGE*.
55267	THE HORSE HAS BEEN SLAIN.
55268	THE WOLF THING CONSUMES THE CARCASS. AFTER HIS MEAL. HE LEAVES FULL AND SATISFIED. NEVER TO RETURN.
55269	SHE DROPS. LET'S SAY. ADDITIONAL PORNOS. YOU PUT THEM IN YOUR STASH.
55270	ALL YOUR FOES HAVE BEEN DEFEATED. YOU WIN THE FRACAS!
55271	AS THE BEST BOY HERO. WHO ACCOMPLISHED A SUCCESS. YOU ARE NOW ENTITLED TO THE SPOILS.
55272	THE MALE SHEATHS HIS SWORD ON THE FLOOR. LOOKING COOL AND CASUAL. LIKE THE DANGEROUS HERO THING HE DID WAS NO BIG DEAL.
55273	BUT ONE OF HIS FAITHFUL BIMBOS NEARBY THOUGHT IT WAS A *REALLY* BIG DEAL. SHE IS SWOONING HIS WAY RIGHT NOW. SHE WILL REWARD THE MALE FOR HIS MANLY DEEDS. WITH A HUMAN KISS!
55274	HERE IS WHERE THE TALE BEGINS TO GET A LITTLE.
55275	*SLOPPY*
55276	AHAHA. HAHA.
55277	THIS OBVIOUSLY WILL NOT DO.
55278	SOME ADDITIONAL BACKUP MALES ARE DEPLOYED. DUE TO, LET'S SAY. TIME TRAVEL.
55279	THE MALE IS BEING VERY RECKLESS WITH HIS LOOPS. WHAT A MESS!
55280	IT CAUSES EVERYONE TO COMPLETELY FORGET. ABOUT THE INCREASINGLY AGITATED BLUE MALE. ALTOGETHER.
55281	CHAPTER TWO.
55282	BE SURE TO CLICK THROUGH THE FOLLOWING PAGES AS FAST AS YOU CAN. TO GET RIGHT BACK HERE. TO THE GOOD STUFF. BYE.
55283	ARANEA: Rise, my 8ard.
55284	ARANEA: "Rise, my 8ard?"
55285	ARANEA: Sheesh.
55286	ARANEA: Aranea, if you want people to start taking you seriously, your chilling repartee is going to need some work.
55287	ARANEA: Now, loyal minstrel.
55288	ARANEA: Wake!
55289	ARANEA: WAKE, I SAY!!!!!!!!
55290	ARANEA: OOF!
55291	GAMZEE: HONK.
55292	ARANEA: Just gr8.
55293	ARANEA: What does she want THIS time?
55294	ARANEA: Shello?
55295	MEENAH: hey twerket
55296	MEENAH: da fuck you think youre doin
55297	ARANEA: I have no idea what you're talking a8out.
55298	MEENAH: bullship
55299	MEENAH: you went after the blue nerds ring
55300	MEENAH: you wearin it now aint you
55301	ARANEA: I couldn't say, Meenah.
55302	ARANEA: I do like to wear jewelry from time to time, just like you.
55303	ARANEA: It's certainly possi8le there is a shiny new ring on my finger.
55304	ARANEA: So what if there is?
55305	MEENAH: aranea so kelp me god
55306	MEENAH: you need to take that shit off right now
55307	MEENAH: throw it in a volcano or somefin and just come home
55308	ARANEA: First, I would appreci8 it if you referred to me as Mindfang.
55309	ARANEA: Remem8er how I've 8een trying to make that 8e a thing l8tely?
55310	ARANEA: Second, I have no intention of discarding this ring, now or ever.
55311	ARANEA: Wheels are already in motion, Meenah.
55312	ARANEA: Irons are heating up as we speak!
55313	MEENAH: wheels
55314	MEENAH: irons
55315	MEENAH: aranea what
55316	MEENAH: mindfang what are you even planning
55317	MEENAH: you gonna meddle?
55318	MEENAH: you gonna meddle i just know it UGH
55319	ARANEA: I am just taking some initi8tive for a change.
55320	ARANEA: Has it occurred to you that it might have 8ecome a little tiresome for me to spend eternity as a 8oring no8ody while so many others got to play important roles in determining the f8 of reality?
55321	ARANEA: Heck, you were 8arely dead for two minutes 8efore you started assem8ling an army!
55322	ARANEA: Even my altern8 universe self got to lead an amazing life. Which is all well and good for HER........
55323	ARANEA: 8ut what a8out ME, Meenah?
55324	ARANEA: Water. 8oat. Me.
55325	MEENAH: yo i feel you on that
55326	MEENAH: trust me gurl
55327	MEENAH: but you do realize youre makin a glubbin mess here
55328	MEENAH: i mean you KNOW this shit aint like
55329	MEENAH: part a the legit chain of events
55330	MEENAH: you arent supposed to be there
55331	ARANEA: Of course I know that.
55332	ARANEA: Like I said, I have a plan.
55333	MEENAH: W)(AT PLAN
55334	ARANEA: I'm going to take over this session.
55335	ARANEA: And then I am going to make sure it never 8ears fruit.
55336	ARANEA: If I can stop this universe from 8eing cre8ted, then the young Lord of Time will never have hatched in the first place.
55337	ARANEA: I won't merely 8e defeating an invinci8le foe. I will 8e erasing all the pain he has ever caused.
55338	MEENAH: uh
55339	MEENAH: serk have you lost it
55340	MEENAH: you know all youre doing is making another doomed timeline where everyone dies right
55341	ARANEA: Of course I know that.
55342	ARANEA: Please, Meenah. Don't insult me. I've given this a lot of thought.
55343	ARANEA: If anyone else attempted this, what you said would 8e true. 8ut I am not just anyone.
55344	ARANEA: I am a very powerful Sylph of Light. I have had millions of sweeps to hone my a8ilities.
55345	ARANEA: As one gifted with the aspect of light, certain outcomes will 8e prone to 8r8king in my favor.
55346	ARANEA: And as an ancient, highly experienced sylph, I wield an unprecedented a8ility to heal.
55347	ARANEA: A doomed timeline is really just an anatomical feature of a much larger organism. Like a capillary which comes to an end, 8ecause it has withered and died.
55348	ARANEA: I 8elieve I will 8e a8le to heal this offshoot.
55349	ARANEA: And with enough time and patience, I am confident I can restore its vitality to such a gr8 extent, it will effectively take over as the alpha timeline, thus reducing English to a lost footnote of paradox space.
55350	ARANEA: Then the new alpha timeline will flourish under my immortal care. I will watch over it for eternity, assuring peace and harmony everywhere. There will 8e a new progeny of universes, and those universes will 8eget more universes, and each will 8enefit from my good grace. I will personally make sure nothing like the English mishap ever occurs again.
55351	ARANEA: I mean, this is mostly theoretical, of course.
55352	ARANEA: 8ut the most important thing here is that I am involved now.
55353	ARANEA: It is vital to all our interests that I at least TRY.
55354	MEENAH: aight
55355	MEENAH: so you just totally flipped your think pan is all
55356	MEENAH: got it
55357	ARANEA: I appreci8 the vote of confidence.
55358	ARANEA: Are we a8out done here?
55359	MEENAH: no
55360	MEENAH: so your timeline healing fantasy aside
55361	MEENAH: your plan is to just waltz in there
55362	MEENAH: an knock over the whole session
55363	MEENAH: you do realize that means youll have to take down my grownup self
55364	MEENAH: like
55365	MEENAH: not to blow my own conch but she is arguably the greatest deadliest most stylin badass who ever lived
55366	ARANEA: I am aware.
55367	ARANEA: 8ut there is no one who is in a 8etter position to deal with her than myself.
55368	ARANEA: After all, who knows you 8etter than I? ::::)
55369	MEENAH: ok yeah but
55370	MEENAH: you aint exactly shoppin for her mindfang
55371	MEENAH: she got all these sick powers yo
55372	ARANEA: It's like I said.
55373	ARANEA: I've had quite a long time to refine my a8ilities.
55374	ARANEA: I will have a few tricks up my sleeve.
55375	MEENAH: man
55376	MEENAH: this is gonna go so terribubbly
55377	ARANEA: Meenah, I must say your attitude is a little surprising.
55378	ARANEA: I thought you were typically gung ho a8out such audacious escapades?
55379	MEENAH: yeah well
55380	MEENAH: theres audacious and then theres bald faced flipping insmanatee
55381	MEENAH: beside
55382	MEENAH: did you ever stop and think about me
55383	ARANEA: What a8out you?
55384	MEENAH: you being alive again
55385	MEENAH: all runnin around stirring up trouble while im still a ghost
55386	MEENAH: im gonna miss you
55387	ARANEA: I'll miss you too, Meenah.
55388	MEENAH: will i ever sea you again
55389	ARANEA: I really don't know.
55390	ARANEA: When you're trying to do the right thing, there is always sacrifice involved.
55391	ARANEA: Remem8er? That's why we all died in the first place.
55392	MEENAH: i guess
55393	ARANEA: 8esides. I'm sure Vriska would approve of my plan.
55394	ARANEA: May8e she can explain my reasoning 8etter than I have.
55395	MEENAH: um no
55396	MEENAH: actually serket deuce isnt down with this at all
55397	ARANEA: What?
55398	ARANEA: She isn't?
55399	MEENAH: nope
55400	MEENAH: she thinks you bein dumb as a fuck
55401	ARANEA: What did she say, exactly?
55402	ARANEA: Were those her exact words?
55403	MEENAH: dunno
55404	MEENAH: this aint the serket twin message reelay service
55405	ARANEA: Is she there with you?
55406	MEENAH: yeah
55407	ARANEA: Can you put her on?
55408	MEENAH: no
55409	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/vristext1.gif" border="0" />
55410	MEENAH: no
55411	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/vristext2.gif" border="0" />
55412	MEENAH: call her yourself
55413	<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/vristext3.gif" border="0" />
55414	MEENAH: NO
55415	MEENAH: bitch dont touch my clam
55416	ARANEA: Very well.
55417	ARANEA: You have 8oth made yourselves a8undantly clear.
55418	ARANEA: I will go it alone. 8ut that's what I was signing up for in the first place, I suppose.
55419	ARANEA: Good8ye, Meenah. Take care.
55420	ARANEA: Now then.
55421	ARANEA: What to do a8out you?
55422	ARANEA: Shall I continue to manipul8 you? Or will you comply with my orders if I decide to loosen my grip?
55423	ARANEA: Perhaps the threat of 8eing controlled again will 8e enough to keep your capricious tendencies in check?
55424	ARANEA: ........
55425	ARANEA: I guess it's a risk.
55426	ARANEA: 8ut you seem so serene and compliant.
55427	ARANEA: Alright. I will 8e gracious, and allow you some free will privileges.
55428	ARANEA: Use them wisely, my trusty jongleur.
55429	GAMZEE: MOTHER FUCK WHO'S ALL THIS FRESH PIMP RYDA I GOT MY WICKED PEEP ON FOR SUDDENLY? IT'S A MOTHER FUCKIN NINJALICIOUS HO-TITTY MIRACLE JACKED UP IN THIS BITCH ASS MOTHER FU--
55430	ARANEA: No.
55431	ARANEA: Oh, wow. No.
55432	ARANEA: You will not ever 8e speaking again. No.
55433	ARANEA: Never, never, never again. Never.
55434	ARANEA: Wow.
55435	ARANEA: And I thought our Makara was awful. At least he had the decency to sew his mouth shut.
55436	ARANEA: Anyway, I have wasted enough time dithering around with fools.
55437	ARANEA: There is much work to 8e done.
55438	MEENAH: nubs mcshouty
55439	MEENAH: come in shouty
55440	MEENAH: do you read me
55441	KARKAT: WHAT?
55442	KARKAT: WHO'S THERE.
55443	MEENAH: shouty is that you
55444	KARKAT: YEAH.
55445	KARKAT: I MEAN, NO.
55446	KARKAT: THIS IS KARKAT.
55447	KARKAT: IS THIS
55448	KARKAT: IS THIS MEENAH?
55449	MEENAH: yeh
55450	KARKAT: OH.
55451	KARKAT: HEY
55452	KARKAT: LONG TIME NO, UH
55453	KARKAT: I DIDN'T THINK I'D HEAR FROM YOU AGAIN.
55454	KARKAT: NOT THAT I'M TELLING YOU TO PISS OFF OR ANYTHING, I'M JUST SURPRISED.
55455	KARKAT: HOW HAVE YOU BEEN
55456	KARKAT: I MEAN
55457	KARKAT: NEVER MIND. THAT'S A FUCKING STUPID QUESTION.
55458	KARKAT: YOU'RE A GHOST.
55459	KARKAT: YOU'RE STILL A GHOST, RIGHT?
55460	KARKAT: UH
55461	KARKAT: HEY LOOK
55462	KARKAT: I KNOW WE MADE THOSE TENTATIVE PLANS WHERE I WAS GOING TO JOIN YOUR ARMY.
55463	KARKAT: AND THEN I GUESS NOTHING REALLY CAME OF THAT, BECAUSE...
55464	KARKAT: I DON'T KNOW. I GUESS SOME SHIT CAME UP?
55465	KARKAT: YOU KNOW HOW THINGS GO.
55466	KARKAT: ANYWAY, I'M SORRY I NEVER SAW YOU AFTER THAT, OR CALLED YOU, OR...
55467	KARKAT: YOU KNOW WHAT? I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW IT WAS A FUCKING OPTION TO CALL YOU.
55468	KARKAT: MAYBE SOMEONE COULD HAVE TOLD ME THAT WAS AN ACTUAL FUCKING POSSIBILITY???
55469	KARKAT: I KNOW, WHAT A CRAZY THOUGHT. USEFUL, PRACTICAL INFORMATION BEING IMPARTED TO ME IN SOME MANNER FOR ONCE IN MY FU--
55470	MEENAH: shouty stfu
55471	MEENAH: we got a whale of a problem here
55472	JANE: Crocker to Harley.
55473	JANE: Come in Harley.
55474	JANE: Do you read me?
55475	JADE: yes :B
55476	JANE: I suggest that you come to Derse right away.
55477	JADE: what is it
55478	JANE: We potentially have a problem here that is rather significant in size.
55479	JAKE: Zzzzzz.
55480	JAKE: Ooh neytiri...
55481	JAKE: Zzz.
55482	JAKE: Im learning so much about myself...
55483	JAKE: Through your primitive culture...
55484	JAKE: Snore.
55485	NEYTIRI: Jake.
55486	JAKE: Whats that neytiri?
55487	JAKE: Snooze.
55488	JAKE: Why yes...
55489	JAKE: Of course i am open to exploring alien intercourse with you...
55490	NEYTIRI: Jake.
55491	JAKE: Do what with my tail now?
55492	JAKE: Oh my...
55493	JAKE: Zzzzzzzzzzz.
55494	NEYTIRI: Jake, wake up.
55495	JAKE: Hold your horses neytiri im doing my best here...
55496	JAKE: You know mobility isnt my strong suit what with this wobbly pair of puppet legs god gave me...
55497	JAKE: Slumber.
55498	ARANEA: JAKE!!!!!!!!
55499	JAKE: BWUH???
55500	ARANEA: Greetings, Jake.
55501	ARANEA: We meet again.
55502	JAKE: Aranea?
55503	JAKE: Wait this means im still dreaming doesnt it.
55504	ARANEA: On the contrary!
55505	ARANEA: You are awake now.
55506	ARANEA: And I, alive.
55507	JAKE: Hold the phone...
55508	JAKE: Youre not a spooky ghost babe anymore?
55509	JAKE: Girl! Ghost girl.
55510	JAKE: (Dangit!)
55511	ARANEA: No, Jake. I have returned from the dead for good.
55512	ARANEA: And I have come for you.
55513	JAKE: G-g-g-
55514	JAKE: Gulp. :o
55515	ARANEA: Surely you remem8er the first time we met? And what we talked a8out?
55516	JAKE: Yeah.
55517	JAKE: Um.
55518	JAKE: Mostly?
55519	ARANEA: I once spoke of your destiny. The one where8y you will deal the Lord of Time his first defeat. Do you recall?
55520	JAKE: No.
55521	JAKE: I mean...
55522	JAKE: Maybe?
55523	ARANEA: It doesn't matter. The plan has changed.
55524	JAKE: It has?
55525	ARANEA: Yes, Jake.
55526	ARANEA: You see, in every hero of hope there dwells a gr8 hidden power, unrivaled 8y that of any other aspect.
55527	ARANEA: And for a page, the journey to reach his full potential is longer than it is for any other class.
55528	ARANEA: 8ut once that journey is over, how fearsome he 8ecomes!
55529	ARANEA: I am here to shorten that journey for you.
55530	ARANEA: And in return for this favor, you will serve my needs.
55531	JAKE: H-
55532	JAKE: How?
55533	ARANEA: There are many o8stacles within that are preventing you from accessing your true potential.
55534	ARANEA: You cannot see them, Jake. 8ut I can.
55535	ARANEA: I can see every fault and fissure in your mind. My vision 8-fold sheds light on every injury you have ever suffered, whether emotional or physical.
55536	ARANEA: I can repair it all for you, Jake.
55537	JAKE: (Oh no...)
55538	ARANEA: I can heal your mind.
55539	JAKE: (Oh n-n-n-)
55540	ARANEA: I can heal your soul.
55541	JAKE: N-n-n-n-n-n-n-nooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
55542	ARANEA: What's the matter?!
55543	JAKE: Stop! Please stop!
55544	JAKE: Why does everyone want to kiss me all the time!
55545	JAKE: What did i ever do to deserve this sort of attention!
55546	JAKE: I dont know what you all see in me i just dont understand it!
55547	JAKE: Cant you see i just want you to LEAVE ME ALONE?
55548	JAKE: CHEESE AND STUPID CRACKERS I AM A MAN NOT A PIECE OF MEAT!!!
55549	JAKE: Waaah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah!
55550	JAKE: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-
55551	ARANEA: Wow, alright!!!!!!!!
55552	ARANEA: I'm sorry!
55553	ARANEA: There! See?
55554	ARANEA: I am respecting your personal 8oundaries. We don't have to kiss!
55555	ARANEA: Good grief, that went poorly.
55556	ARANEA: I only tried to kiss you 8ecause I knew you were attracted to me!
55557	ARANEA: I thought I was doing you a FAVOR!
55558	ARANEA: I don't know what I'm supposed to........
55559	ARANEA: Sigh.
55560	ARANEA: You really are a piece of work, Jake. Here I am, a literal mind reader, and I still can't figure you out.
55561	ARANEA: 8ut you're right.
55562	ARANEA: My advances were inappropri8te, and in the future I will try to 8e more respectful.
55563	ARANEA: I'm still going to heal you though.
55564	ARANEA: It is nothing personal. There is simply no altern8tive.
55565	ARANEA: Your power is too important to my plan!
55566	JADE: who took my ship??
55567	JANE: I don't know.
55568	JANE: When I arrived, it was already parked here.
55569	JANE: Most illegally, I might add.
55570	JADE: that is SO illegal
55571	JADE: maybe we should call in some authority regulators to have it ticketed and towed
55572	JANE: If you really wanted to relocate the vehicle, couldn't you just.
55573	JANE: You know. Teleport it somewhere else?
55574	JADE: yes
55575	JADE: but i love watching those guys write their little tickets
55576	JADE: theyre so cute
55577	JANE: Indeed.
55578	JANE: But observing adorable creatures issue citations will not address our problem.
55579	JADE: do you think we should ask the condesce what to do?
55580	JANE: I would rather not involve her in this matter.
55581	JANE: We should be more than sufficiently equipped to handle it.
55582	JADE: yes youre right
55583	JADE: what would she think if we went whimpering to her every time some buffoon parked a battleship illegally
55584	JANE: She would think we were a couple of silly children.
55585	JADE: yeah
55586	JADE: hmm
55587	JANE: What?
55588	JADE: maybe we should check on the prisoners again
55589	JANE: That would be a logical course of action.
55590	JADE: whoa
55591	JANE: What?
55592	JADE: something is happening...
55593	ROXY: SHAZAM!
55594	ROXY: eep
55595	ROXY: yeah i think ima stay invisible a while
55596	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> My god...
55597	DAVESPRITE: what
55598	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> The power...
55599	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> It's...
55600	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> It's over...
55601	DAVESPRITE: over what
55602	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> IT IS E%CEEDING A CERTAIN AMOUNT IN QUANTITY
55603	JANE: JAKE. CEASE POWERING UP AT ONCE.
55604	JANE: YOU'RE DESTROYING EMPIRE PROPERTY!
55605	ARANEA: I don't think he can hear you right now.
55606	ARANEA: The hope field is nigh impenetra8le!
55607	JANE: Who are you?
55608	ARANEA: Who. Me?
55609	ARANEA: Oh........
55610	ARANEA: Just some no8ody.
55611	JANE: Harley.
55612	JANE: You deal with Jake.
55613	JANE: I will subdue the smug troll.
55614	JADE: ok!
55615	JADE: sorry jake you heard the lady
55616	JADE: youre making a royal mess of the place
55617	JADE: so im gonna have to zap you to the furthest ring!
55618	JADE: what im saying is youve been very naughty and rambunctious so now you have to go outside
55619	<.img src="http://mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/jake_bigtext1.gif" border="0" />
55620	JADE: what
55621	JADE: what the...
55622	JADE: why cant.....
55623	JADE: why cant i zap you away!
55624	<.img src="http://mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/jake_bigtext2.gif" border="0" />
55625	JADE: augh shut up!
55626	JADE: your booming cornball exclamations are hurting my doggy ears!!!
55627	JADE: come on jade
55628	JADE: focus!
55629	JADE: FOCUS damn you!
55630	JADE: grrr!
55631	JADE: its so hard to concentrate while i have to stare at his STUPID little shorts!
55632	JADE: i didnt ask for this jake!
55633	JADE: i never wanted to see my grandpa in a sexy pair of underpants!!!
55634	<.img src="http://mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/jake_bigtext3.gif" border="0" />
55635	JANE: What's the hold up?
55636	JADE: my powers...
55637	JADE: cant seem...
55638	JADE: to penetrate...
55639	JADE: THE HOPE FIELD!!!
55640	JADE: *pant pant*
55641	<.img src="http://mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/jake_bigtext4.gif" border="0" />
55642	JADE: ALSO HE KEEPS DOING THAT!!!
55643	JANE: So I have overheard.
55644	JANE: Jake, your righteous ascension has been quite impressive.
55645	JANE: But that is incredibly annoying.
55646	<.img src="http://mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/jake_bigtext5.gif" border="0" />
55647	JANE: Oh, for Pete's sake.
55648	ARANEA: Well?
55649	ARANEA: I thought you said you were going to su8due me.
55650	ARANEA: I'm w8ting, miss Crocker.
55651	JANE: What game are you playing, troll?
55652	JANE: State your designs on my future husband.
55653	ARANEA: Don't worry. I am only 8orrowing him temporarily as an equalizing force.
55654	ARANEA: And once he has finished equalizing, I will tear your empire apart. ::::)
55655	JANE: You will do no such thing.
55656	ARANEA: Then it would seem the next move is yours.
55657	ARANEA: I trust your weapon is not just for show.
55658	ARANEA: Or did Her Condescension see fit to equip her heiress with a training fork?
55659	JANE: .
55660	JANE: .
55661	JANE: My calculations say that it is highly probable you are enticing me into a trap.
55662	ARANEA: It's no trap, I assure you.
55663	ARANEA: I simply cannot 8e killed.
55664	ARANEA: You see, as long as a certain charm remains in my possession, I am immortal.
55665	ARANEA: Even more immortal than usual!
55666	JANE: More immortal than usual??
55667	ARANEA: Yes.
55668	JANE: .
55669	JANE: .
55670	JANE: .
55671	JANE: That's stupid.
55672	<.img src="http://mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/jake_bigtext6.gif" border="0" />
55673	JANE: Good gravy.
55674	JANE: Can't you shut him up?
55675	ARANEA: Sadly, no.
55676	JADE: alright jake
55677	JADE: you win
55678	JADE: if i cant zap you out of here then i have no choice but to let you stay
55679	JADE: but i cant allow you to keep trashing the old ladys property
55680	JADE: so ill just swap the planets instead!
55681	JADE: dont you remember when we used to be pen pals jake?
55682	JADE: how many times did i help you solve a tricky problem?
55683	JADE: i am very very clever
55684	JADE: whereas you...
55685	JADE: lets face it
55686	JADE: are not :p
55687	<.img src="http://mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/jake_bigtext7.gif" border="0" />
55688	KARKAT: DAVE
55689	KARKAT: COME IN DAVE.
55690	KARKAT: DO YOU FUCKING READ ME.
55691	DAVE: go
55692	<.img src="http://mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/karkat_blurtext1.gif" border="0" />
55693	DAVE: what?
55694	<.img src="http://mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/karkat_blurtext2.gif" border="0" />
55695	DAVE: what was that
55696	<.img src="http://mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/karkat_blurtext3.gif" border="0" />
55697	DAVE: dude your words are all muffled
55698	DAVE: can you speak up
55699	<.img src="http://mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/karkat_blurtext4.gif" border="0" />
55700	DAVE: louder
55701	<.img src="http://mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/karkat_blurtext5.gif" border="0" />
55702	DAVE: louder man
55703	DAVE: sound doesnt travel through foam too well
55704	KARKAT: I SAID WE MAY HAVE A REALLY BIG FUCKING PROBLEM OVER HERE!!!!!!
55705	DAVE: im on my way
55706	JADE: oh my god
55707	JADE: stop powering up already!!!
55708	ARANEA: Don't listen to her, Jake!
55709	ARANEA: Continue powering up for as long as you like. You're doing wonderfully!
55710	JADE: GROWL!!!!!
55711	JADE: you call that powering up?
55712	JADE: hey i asked you a question gramps!
55713	JADE: YOU CALL THAT POWERING UP?
55714	<.img src="http://mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/jake_bigtext8.gif" border="0" />
55715	JADE: i will show you the true meaning of powering up
55716	JADE: frankly your "hope field" is ridiculous and has nothing on the unlimited fury of THE GREEN SUN!!!
55717	JADE: RRRR!
55718	JADE: RRRRRRRAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRR!!
55719	JADE: RRRRRRRRRRAAAAAWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
55720	JADE: wait a minute...
55721	JADE: why did i decide to swap derse with MY planet?
55722	JADE: what was i even THINKING?!
55723	<.img src="http://mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/jake_bigtext9.gif" border="0" />
55724	JADE: no...
55725	JADE: impossible!
55726	JADE: how can the power of hope be so...
55727	JADE: POWERFUL????????????????????
55728	JADE: rrrg
55729	JADE: no
55730	JADE: NO!!!
55731	JADE: HOW CAN THIS BE HAPPENING TO ME?!
55732	JADE: dont you realize who youre DEALING with?
55733	JADE: i am GRIMBARK JADE dammit!
55734	<.img src="http://mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/jake_bigtext10.gif" border="0" />
55735	JADE: I AM THE MOST POWERFUL DOGGY GIRL
55736	<.img src="http://mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/jake_bigtext11.gif" border="0" />
55737	JADE: WHO HAS EVER EXISTED
55738	<.img src="http://mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/jake_bigtext12.gif" border="0" />
55739	JADE: IN THE HISTORY OF PARADOX SPACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
55740	<.img src="http://mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/jake_bigtext13.gif" border="0" />
55741	JADE: ooooof
55742	JANE: JAKE.
55743	JANE: DO YOU EVEN REALIZE WHAT YOU HAVE JUST DONE TO OUR BIOLOGICAL DAUGHTER?
55744	JANE: YOU ARE OUT OF CONTROL. COME TO YOUR SENSES THIS INSTANT.
55745	ARANEA: I know that you have a gr8 deal of fondness for your human family mem8er, even though you have 8een corrupted 8y an evil computer.
55746	ARANEA: As such, it sincerely pains me to have to do this.
55747	ARANEA: 8ut the moment she wakes up, she will simply 8ecome possessed again.
55748	ARANEA: And then where would we 8e?
55749	JANE: Wait.
55750	JANE: Do what??
55751	ARANEA: Again, I am very sorry.
55752	ARANEA: 8ut it must 8e done.
55753	<.img src="http://mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/wizordofoz.jpg" border="0" />
55754	DAVE: alright mayor
55755	DAVE: ive got to go now
55756	DAVE: not sure why but
55757	DAVE: i have a really bad feeling about all this
55758	DAVE: i mean
55759	DAVE: i dont wanna scare you or come off as too dramatic or anything
55760	DAVE: but
55761	DAVE: if i never see you again i just wanted you to know
55762	DAVE: its been real man
55763	DAVE: you were always there for me
55764	DAVE: you shared my darkest hours
55765	DAVE: my deepest secrets
55766	DAVE: and ill never fucking forget it
55767	DAVE: goodbye mayor
55768	DAVE: i love you
55769	DAVE: rose come in rose do you read me over
55770	ROSE: Yes?
55771	DAVE: you might want to get your ass in gear
55772	DAVE: shits going down on lofaf
55773	ROSE: Could you elaborate?
55774	DAVE: theres problems
55775	ROSE: Then let us bounce.
55776	JANE: First of all.
55777	JANE: You've got some nerve.
55778	JANE: I will return shortly to annihilate you. Stay put.
55779	ARANEA: Take your time. I'm not going anywhere. ::::)
55780	ARANEA: Roxy.
55781	ARANEA: I know you are there.
55782	ROXY: (frick!)
55783	JANE: (Mumble mumble hag mumble suck it grumble.)
55784	JANE: (Mumble mutter my egregious patootie.)
55785	JANE: .
55786	JANE: .
55787	JANE: ?
55788	GAMZEE: :o)
55789	ARANEA: You might as well come out of hiding so I can see you.
55790	ARANEA: Ah yes. There you go!
55791	ARANEA: Don't you look nice. I always did like the rogue outfit. And needless to say, I'm quite partial the void color scheme.
55792	ROXY: im so fuckin flattered
55793	ROXY: whore you
55794	ARANEA: I 8EG your pardon?
55795	ROXY: u heard me bitch
55796	ARANEA: Oh.
55797	ARANEA: "Who ARE you."
55798	ARANEA: Yes. Ha ha.
55799	ARANEA: Who am I, you ask?
55800	ARANEA: That is no short story, I'm afraid.
55801	ARANEA: It all 8egan on a peaceful, idyllic planet called 8eforus.
55802	ARANEA: Unlike the Alternian trolls, with whom you are no dou8t more familiar, my people were-
55803	ROXY: wowee shut ur dumb blue mouth
55804	ROXY: i been spying on ya
55805	ROXY: and eavesdropping on all your smug trash
55806	ROXY: and i couldnt help but notice that ring youre wearing
55807	ARANEA: Yes.
55808	ARANEA: What a8out it?
55809	ROXY: thats johns ring aint it
55810	ARANEA: John's ring?
55811	ARANEA: 8ut John never rightfully owned it.
55812	ARANEA: In fact, it was originally intended as a gift to my young descendant.
55813	ARANEA: It's only fitting that I wear it, and 8ring additional glory to the Serket name.
55814	ROXY: yo
55815	ROXY: thats another insane and smug thing u said just there
55816	ROXY: do you even listen to urself
55817	ROXY: for real though we were gonna give that ring to callie
55818	ARANEA: Hmm?
55819	ROXY: callie my goddamn bffsy from space
55820	ROXY: shes a ghost and i wanna save her from her bro
55821	ARANEA: Ah yes. The female cheru8.
55822	ARANEA: I am perfectly familiar with her plight, as well as the relevance she purportedly has with respect to her 8rother's downfall.
55823	ARANEA: In fact, I was one of the first ever to theorize a8out that! :::;)
55824	ROXY: SMUG
55825	ARANEA: 8ut the situ8tion has changed. That is all ancient history now.
55826	ARANEA: I'm sorry, Roxy. 8ut I have no use for your cheru8 friend in my plans.
55827	ARANEA: She will not 8e playing a role of any significance.
55828	ROXY: oh man
55829	ROXY: oh man
55830	ROXY: i way hate you
55831	ARANEA: Come on, now. Don't say things you can't take 8ack.
55832	ARANEA: I'm actually very nice!
55833	ARANEA: We are just getting off on the wrong foot here.
55834	ROXY: no no
55835	ROXY: no no no no
55836	ROXY: oh man i rly hate you
55837	ROXY: i cant even explain it i never hated somebody so much by just a few smarmy words outta their grody chew hole
55838	ROXY: eugh yechh ick ick blarff!
55839	ARANEA: ........
55840	ROXY: so yeh um
55841	ROXY: now that i buttered you up and all gimme dat ring!!
55842	ARANEA: No.
55843	ARANEA: That was quite the 8lack solicit8tion though.
55844	ARANEA: Unfortun8tely, I don't think I will 8e a8le to reciproc8 your feelings of hostility. I find you to 8e too charming.
55845	ARANEA: Still, you do have a way with words. If we were compati8le in that quadrant, you might have swept me off my feet!
55846	ROXY: bwuh??
55847	ARANEA: 8esides, I don't have time for new relationships right now. Too many irons in the fire, as you can see.
55848	ARANEA: It does get to 8e a little 8othersome having people fling themselves at you all the time. It's always 8een my curse.
55849	ARANEA: Did you know just earlier today, your friend Jake could 8arely keep his hands off me? ;;;;)
55850	ROXY: what
55851	ROXY: no way
55852	ROXY: ur a filthy liar
55853	ARANEA: I've 8een known to em8ellish now and then.
55854	ARANEA: Relax! I am just having some fun with you.
55855	ROXY: ...
55856	ROXY: wheeee
55857	ARANEA: 8ut now the fun times are over.
55858	ARANEA: I cannot have an invisi8le, intangi8le trou8lemaker tiptoeing around trying to sneak this ring off my finger.
55859	ARANEA: So I'm afraid I will have to put you down.
55860	ROXY: yeah right
55861	ROXY: im a let you put me down over my dead body!!!
55862	ARANEA: Don't 8e so dramatic.
55863	ARANEA: Your 8ody will only 8e napping.
55864	ARANEA: Pleasant dreams.
55865	CALLIOPE: hUff.
55866	CALLIOPE: this is it then, is it?
55867	CALLIOPE: am i to spend the rest of eternity hiding inside this vortex?
55868	CALLIOPE: how can i go in search of myself if i am blown to smithereens the moment i set foot oUtside?
55869	CALLIOPE: maybe the trUth is...
55870	CALLIOPE: sUch a fate woUld be preferable to this.
55871	CALLIOPE: i am so dreadfUlly lonely. u_u
55872	CALLIOPE: have they all forgotten aboUt me?
55873	CALLIOPE: i gUess i coUld not blame them for getting on with their lives.
55874	CALLIOPE: after all, what Use am i?
55875	CALLIOPE: the only remotely important thing there is for me to do is to go looking for a more important version of myself.
55876	CALLIOPE: and i can't even bloody well do that mUch!
55877	CALLIOPE: i was a fool to expect anything more from my life.
55878	CALLIOPE: my kind was never meant to have friends.
55879	CALLIOPE: still.
55880	CALLIOPE: i wish i had not been so hasty in tossing roxy and her sUnny mUm from my hideoUt.
55881	CALLIOPE: even if they woUld have attracted attention... so what?
55882	CALLIOPE: jUst a little longer.
55883	CALLIOPE: a little longer woUld have been nice.
55884	CALLIOPE: :u
55885	CALLIOPE: what's this now?
55886	CALLIOPE: that doesn't look like one of my memories.
55887	CALLIOPE: is...
55888	CALLIOPE: is someone here?
55889	CALLIOPE: hello?
55890	CALLIOPE: ...........
55891	CALLIOPE: who's there?
55892	CALLIOPE: what's happening?
55893	CALLIOPE: oh dear.
55894	CALLIOPE: oh dear, this can't be good!
55895	CALLIOPE: i'd better hide. :U
55896	CALLIOPE: shoot, are those footsteps?
55897	CALLIOPE: oh shoot, oh shoot.
55898	CALLIOPE: gotta hide, gotta hide!
55899	CALLIOPE: whoever is there...
55900	CALLIOPE: don't come any closer!
55901	CALLIOPE: (please don't, please don't.)
55902	CALLIOPE: (i'm so scared and so miserable and so so lonely.)
55903	CALLIOPE: i said don't come any closer!
55904	CALLIOPE: i'm i powerfUl magician, i swear!
55905	CALLIOPE: a magician who wants yoU to leave her alone!
55906	CALLIOPE: PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE GIRL BEHIND THE CURTAIN!!!
55907	JADE: hi!
55908	JADE: its ok i wont hurt you. im a friend!
55909	JADE: you can come out now
55910	JADE: youre safe i promise!
55911	CALLIOPE: jade?
55912	JANE: GET YOUR PAWS OFF ME YOU SHITFUCKING SHITFUCKER AUGH FUCK SHIT SHIT SHIT FUCK FUCK.
55913	GAMZEE: honk.
55914	JANE: YOU SCURRILOUS FUCKSHITTING CAD. UNHAND ME SO I MAY RESURRECT MY ACCOMPLICE AT ONCE.
55915	GAMZEE: honk honk.
55916	JANE: WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME THIS TIME YOU DETESTABLE POO ROGERING CHARLATAN.
55917	GAMZEE: honk.
55918	JANE: I DO NOT WANT TO BUY ANYMORE OF YOUR POTIONS. I ALREADY BOUGHT ALL THE USELESS SLOP I COULD EVER WANT FROM YOU, AND MADE A KILLING ON REDISTRIBUTION.
55919	GAMZEE: HONK.
55920	JANE: YOUR ENTREPRENEURIAL TACTICS LEAVE MUCH TO BE DESIRED. YOU ARE A DEPLORABLE BUSINESSMAN AND AN EVEN SHITTIER CLOWN. GET OFF ME.
55921	GAMZEE: ...
55922	JANE: DID YOU JUST TOUCH MY BOOB. DON'T TOUCH MY BOOB YOU FUCKFACED DUNG HUFFING TOILET GUZZLING IDIOT QUIPSTER SHITPECKER DICKLARK.
55923	GAMZEE: :o)
55924	DAVE: uh
55925	DAVE: what
55926	DAVE: oh no
55927	DAVE: ohhhhh noooooooooooooo
55928	DAVE: shit shit shit shit shit
55929	DAVE: gamzee what happened here
55930	DAVE: did you see what happened
55931	DAVE: not gonna answer me huh
55932	DAVE: youre just gonna keep manhandling johns evil mom and not tell me what jades doing under this house
55933	DAVE: sweet jesus youre an awful dude
55934	ARANEA: Where did you come from?
55935	ARANEA: I did not sense your approach.
55936	DIRK: You can't sense what ain't real.
55937	ARANEA: 8n't real?
55938	ARANEA: It seems to me that you are quite real, Dirk.
55939	DIRK: That's because my buddy Jake just helped me become a whole hell of a lot less fake.
55940	DIRK: You see,
55941	DIRK: He believes in me.
55942	ARANEA: Hmm.
55943	ARANEA: Honestly, Dirk. The convers8tion we are having right now 8ears a striking resem8lance to a8solute nonsense.
55944	ARANEA: I recall once your dream self appeared out of thin air, just as you have done now.
55945	ARANEA: And I did you the favor of helping you on your way. Don't you remem8er?
55946	ARANEA: There's no need to thank me. I'm quite 8enevolent 8y nature. I prefer to do the right thing, even in situations where I'm not likely to receive credit for my good deeds.
55947	DIRK: Holy shit.
55948	DIRK: Can you stop saying stuff?
55949	ARANEA: No need to 8e so rude. I'm just curious.
55950	ARANEA: As an ancient and learned scholar, I'm versed in a wide range of unusual phenomena. However I must say I am flummoxed 8y the nature of your 8eing.
55951	ARANEA: What exactly are you?
55952	DIRK: I am Brain Ghost Dirk.
55953	DIRK: You kissed my boyfriend.
55954	DIRK: Prepare to die.
55955	<.img src="http://mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/jake_bigtext14.gif" border="0" />
55956	DIRK: Not helping, dude.
55957	TEREZI: H11111Y4444!
55958	GAMZEE: HONK.
55959	DAVE: whoa yeah
55960	DAVE: terezi with the dropkick ambush from the fuckin sky
55961	DAVE: go terezi kick his ass
55962	DAVE: still dont have the slightest clue whats going on here but i fully endorse this turn of events
55963	DAVE: terezi do you know whats going on here
55964	DAVE: do you know what happened to jade
55965	DAVE: and where the hell is karkat
55966	DAVE: is he ok
55967	DAVE: terezi
55968	DAVE: terezi
55969	DAVE: ok she looks pretty serious about stabbing that clown
55970	DAVE: i can respect that
55971	DAVE: what about you
55972	DAVE: hey
55973	DAVE: hey johns hot mom did you see what happened
55974	DAVE: shit i mean
55975	DAVE: johns evil mom
55976	DAVE: did you happen to...
55977	DAVE: damn
55978	DAVE: ok that was a really embarrassing and inappropriate freudian slip there
55979	DAVE: dont think im gonna rebound from that one
55980	DAVE: im uh
55981	DAVE: im gonna stop talking now
55982	TEREZI: D1D YOU R34LLY B3L13V3 YOU COULD RUN FROM M3 FOR3V3R, M4K4R4?
55983	TEREZI: WH4T M4D3 YOU TH1NK YOU COULD COMM1T YOUR CR1M3S, TH4T YOU COULD D3C31V3 M3, D3B4S3 M3, M4K1NG M3 F33L L1K3 R4NC1D C1RCUS TR4SH
55984	TEREZI: ONLY TO SL1NK 4W4Y L1K3 4 F1LTHY CH33S3 CR1TT3R, W1THOUT 3V3R H4V1NG TO P4Y TH3 P1P3R???
55985	TEREZI: D1D YOU HON3STLY TH1NK YOU WOULD N3V3R F4C3 JUST1C3?
55986	TEREZI: WH4T DO YOU H4V3 TO S4Y FOR YOURS3LF?
55987	TEREZI: 4NSW3R M3!!!
55988	GAMZEE: :o)
55989	TEREZI: JUST 4S 1 THOUGHT
55990	TEREZI: 1S 1T TH3 R3SPONS3 OF 4 R3L1G1OUS Z34LOT, SWORN TO 4 M1SGU1D3D VOW OF S1L3NC3?
55991	TEREZI: OR 1S 1T TH3 R3SPONS3
55992	TEREZI: OF 4 COW4RD!!!!!!!
55993	GAMZEE: :o)
55994	TEREZI: HOW 1 D3T3ST YOUR HORR1D "F41TH"
55995	TEREZI: HOW 1 LO4TH3 TH3 SOD4 ST1CKY GROUND YOU KN33L UPON WH1L3 YOU B3LCH YOUR VULG4R HYMNS OF M1RTH
55996	TEREZI: HOW 1 R3V1L3 YOUR...
55997	TEREZI: W41T
55998	TEREZI: *sn1ff sn1ff*
55999	TEREZI: H3R...
56000	TEREZI: 1TS H3R
56001	TEREZI: SH3S H3R3!
56002	TEREZI: WH4T 1S SH3 DO1NG H3R3?
56003	TEREZI: 1T W4S SH3 WHO M4N1PUL4T3D M3 1NTO R3STOR1NG MY 3Y3S1GHT!
56004	TEREZI: JUST 4S YOOOUUUU W3R3 TH3 ON3 WHO 1NST1G4T3D MY SP1R4L OF S3LF LO4TH1NG TO B3G1N W1TH
56005	TEREZI: 1 N3V3R WOULD H4V3 CONS1D3R3D H3R S1LV3RY TONGU3D OFF3R 1N 4 M1LL1ON SW33PS 1F YOU H4D NOT PO1SON3D M3 SO
56006	TEREZI: OH Y3S
56007	TEREZI: 1T 1S 4LL TOO CL34R TO M3
56008	TEREZI: YOU 4ND SH3 4R3 1N C4HOOTS NOW, 4R3NT YOU
56009	TEREZI: 4R3NT YOU!!!
56010	GAMZEE: :o)
56011	TEREZI: 4DM1T 1T, M4K4R4
56012	TEREZI: YOU H4V3 B3COM3 JUST 4NOTH3R LOWLY N1BBL3 V3RM1N SCURRY1NG 4FT3R TH3 S3DUCT1V3 TUN3 OF H3R FLUT3!
56013	TEREZI: YOU 4R3 BOTH TH3 WORST K1ND OF SCUM TO M3. OPPOS1T3, 4ND Y3T 3QU1V4L3NT
56014	TEREZI: 1T 1S L1K3 TH3 L3G1SL4C3R4TORS H4NDBOOK S4YS
56015	TEREZI: THOS3 WHO 4R3 CUT FROM TH3 S4M3 CLOTH
56016	TEREZI: 4R3 F1T TO SW1NG FROM TH3 S4M3 ROP3!
56017	TEREZI: JUST1C3 K1CK!!!!!!!
56018	ARANEA: Those were some nice moves.
56019	ARANEA: I particularly enjoyed how you took a casual swing at my arm in the middle of that com8in8tion.
56020	ARANEA: As if I am not perfectly aware that you understand the significance of this ring.
56021	ARANEA: I know you must have overheard my convers8tion with Roxy.
56022	ARANEA: Really, it is one of the gr8 disadvantages of having a reput8tion for offering detailed explan8tions.
56023	ARANEA: When you inevita8ly start going on at length a8out your weaknesses, there are sure to 8e some eavesdroppers taking notes!
56024	ARANEA: 8ut I really don't mind that you know my secret.
56025	ARANEA: What kind of sport would I 8e if I didn't give you a fair shot at defeating me?
56026	ARANEA: In fact, to show you what a generous and honora8le opponent I am, I will give you one free chance at disarming me.
56027	ARANEA: I won't move an inch. I promise! Surely with your speed and swordsmanship, it will 8e a piece of cake.
56028	ARANEA: Well?
56029	ARANEA: Go on, Dirk. Have at it.
56030	DIRK: ...
56031	TEREZI: Y4!!!
56032	TEREZI: F1GHT M3 YOU GUTL3SS POLTROON!
56033	TEREZI: 1 S41D F1GHT B4CK!
56034	TEREZI: WH4T, NOW OF 4LL T1M3S YOU C4NT BR1NG YOURS3LF TO R41S3 4 H4ND TO M3?
56035	TEREZI: 4LL YOU C4N DO 1S GR1N L1K3 4N 1MB3C1L3??
56036	TEREZI: UGH, STOP SM1L1NG!!!
56037	TEREZI: 1 S41D W1P3 TH4T GR1N OFF YOUR F4C3
56038	TEREZI: OR 1 W1LL P33L 1T OFF YOUR SKULL!!!
56039	TEREZI: T4K3 TH4T! 4ND TH4T!!
56040	TEREZI: OH Y3S, CLOWN. YOUR R3CKON1NG 1S 4T H4ND
56041	TEREZI: WH4T DO YOU TH1NK YOUR3 LOOK1NG 4T?
56042	TEREZI: DR34M ON, M1R4CL3 BOY
56043	TEREZI: CH13F D3PUTY PYR4LSP1T3 C4N DO NOTH1NG FOR YOU NOW!
56044	TEREZI: NO ON3 C4N S4V3 YOU FROM YOUR JUDGM3NT!
56045	JANE: Observing this tomfoolery for several minutes has been time well spent. I have no regrets whatsoever.
56046	JANE: On that authentic note, I shall resume my effort to resurrect my omnipotent daughter, and regain the tactical advantage.
56047	JANE: As a being of cold, flawless reason and logic, I have no cause to anticipate further impediments to this simple objective.
56048	JANE: Son of a dick.
56049	DAVE: i said put her down!
56050	DAVE: bad anthropomorphic dogs!
56051	DAVE: youre so bad!
56052	DAVE: oh my god
56053	DAVE: you are literally being the worst pair of anthro dogs i ever saw
56054	DAVE: drop that goddamn girl i mean it
56055	DAVE: dont you woof at me
56056	DAVE: bad!
56057	DAVE: BAD!!!
56058	DAVE: you dont think im serious?
56059	DAVE: im serious as a drive to the fuckin vet
56060	DAVE: im not joking you dumb mutts i mean business here
56061	DAVE: see ive got a sword too!
56062	DAVE: its sharp
56063	DAVE: and its awesome
56064	DAVE: and...
56065	DAVE: its fucking welsh!!!!!
56066	DAVE: ok listen
56067	DAVE: jack and uh
56068	DAVE: taller white jack
56069	DAVE: clearly you are very loyal to jades corpse or whatever
56070	DAVE: but you arent gonna help her by swiping the torso and growling at me like a pair of mangy assholes
56071	DAVE: please
56072	DAVE: just put her down
56073	DAVE: look i got treats!
56074	DAVE: i have snausages
56075	DAVE: ok i dont have snausages
56076	DAVE: i can get snausages!
56077	CALLIOPE: do yoU remember anything yet?
56078	JADE: ummm
56079	JADE: not really :\
56080	CALLIOPE: that's a pity.
56081	CALLIOPE: i was hoping yoU might be able to tell me what my friends are Up to.
56082	JADE: i wish i could tell you
56083	JADE: but im still drawing a blank on everything!
56084	JADE: i dont even remember what i was doing when i fell asleep
56085	JADE: or even
56086	JADE: IF im sleeping
56087	JADE: er...
56088	JADE: how are you supposed to tell if youre a ghost or not?
56089	CALLIOPE: ghosts have spooky blank eyes like me.
56090	CALLIOPE: bUt only after they remember they died.
56091	CALLIOPE: so Until yoU recall what happened, i am afraid neither of Us will know.
56092	JADE: darn
56093	CALLIOPE: there is one way to be sUre, i sUppose.
56094	JADE: what?
56095	CALLIOPE: i coUld Use some of my potent anti-sleeping majyyks on yoU to see if yoU wake Up.
56096	JADE: anti sleeping magics?
56097	JADE: i mean majyyks?
56098	CALLIOPE: yes.
56099	CALLIOPE: bUt i mUst admit i am relUctant to do so, for selfish reasons. u_u
56100	JADE: what reasons?
56101	CALLIOPE: if yoU wake Up, yoU will disappear.
56102	CALLIOPE: and i will be alone again.
56103	JADE: aw
56104	JADE: thats ok im in no hurry to go yet
56105	JADE: or for that matter, to remember why im here
56106	CALLIOPE: no?
56107	JADE: i cant put my finger on it
56108	JADE: but i have this awful feeling something bad happened
56109	JADE: specifically something that happened because of me
56110	CALLIOPE: really?
56111	JADE: yeah :(
56112	JADE: im worried i may have done some things i wouldnt be proud of
56113	JADE: that maybe i could have even...
56114	JADE: hurt some people
56115	CALLIOPE: that is hard to believe.
56116	JADE: i hope its just my imagination
56117	JADE: in any case i feel like i could use some rest
56118	JADE: and you seem very nice
56119	JADE: so id rather relax here with you for a while than jump right back into...
56120	JADE: whatever craziness is waiting for me out there
56121	CALLIOPE: ^u^
56122	JADE: by the way, i didnt catch your name...
56123	CALLIOPE: i did not say it.
56124	CALLIOPE: Using my fUll name coUld bring Us Unwanted attention.
56125	CALLIOPE: instead yoU coUld refer to me by the name of my trollsona.
56126	JADE: your trollsona?
56127	CALLIOPE: yes.
56128	CALLIOPE: it's callie.
56129	CALLIOPE: pleased to meet yoU. :u
56130	JADE: nice to meet you too callie :)
56131	JADE: but
56132	JADE: what is a trollsona?
56133	CALLIOPE: it is the profile of a fictional troll which i enjoy pretending to be.
56134	CALLIOPE: see?
56135	CALLIOPE: do yoU like her?
56136	JADE: oh
56137	JADE: OH!
56138	JADE: i get it... you are not really a troll?
56139	CALLIOPE: nope.
56140	JADE: omg she is so cute
56141	JADE: or i should say
56142	JADE: YOU are so cute!
56143	CALLIOPE: :U
56144	JADE: what a good idea
56145	JADE: do you think i could make a trollsona too?
56146	CALLIOPE: oh, yes!
56147	CALLIOPE: that woUld be so lovely.
56148	CALLIOPE: can i help?
56149	JADE: sure!
56150	CALLIOPE: which blood coloUr woUld yoU choose?
56151	JADE: the BEST color obviously
56152	JADE: which is green, DUH :p
56153	CALLIOPE: that's the coloUr of my blood too!
56154	JADE: wow really??
56155	JADE: thats perfect
56156	JADE: our trollsonas can be like
56157	JADE: blood sisters or such
56158	JADE: i dont know enough about troll culture to use proper terminology...
56159	JADE: but lets just say thats what we are
56160	CALLIOPE: agreed.
56161	CALLIOPE: blood sisters it is!
56162	JADE: what should my horns look like?
56163	JADE: oh and for that matter
56164	JADE: should i have horns instead of my dog ears, or in addition to them?
56165	CALLIOPE: definitely in addition!
56166	CALLIOPE: yoUr pointy ears are splendid.
56167	JADE: ok
56168	JADE: hmm where would they go though...
56169	JADE: jeez i think we might need to do some drawings to make her look right
56170	CALLIOPE: oh yes, let's!!!
56171	JADE: callie...
56172	JADE: there is something very familiar about you
56173	JADE: are you sure weve never met before?
56174	CALLIOPE: i'm qUite sUre.
56175	CALLIOPE: i woUld certainly have remembered meeting yoU.
56176	JADE: but you did know my name...
56177	CALLIOPE: well, yes.
56178	CALLIOPE: i knew OF yoU.
56179	JADE: hmmm
56180	JADE: i cant shake the feeling that we have spoken before
56181	JADE: maybe in an old dream i cant remember?
56182	JADE: im not sure if its the sound of your voice or what
56183	JADE: i dont recognize your face, but then thats not what you really look like is it?
56184	CALLIOPE: no.
56185	JADE: ...
56186	CALLIOPE: before yoU ask, my actUal appearance is mUch less appealing, at least in my own view.
56187	CALLIOPE: i woUld rather yoU didn't see it, if that's alright.
56188	JADE: thats fine!
56189	JADE: its not a big deal
56190	JADE: if its true that weve met before, im sure ill remember in due time
56191	JADE: lets not worry about it for now
56192	CALLIOPE: okay.
56193	JADE: by the way
56194	JADE: what is with this stage?
56195	JADE: is it from one of your memories?
56196	CALLIOPE: no.
56197	CALLIOPE: i thoUght it was yoUr memory?
56198	JADE: i dont think so
56199	JADE: it would seem to be some sort of imaginary figment that turned into a real object
56200	JADE: i wonder why it looks like a drawing?
56201	CALLIOPE: shrUg.
56202	JADE: hey why dont you come up here and help me get these curtains open
56203	JADE: since its the only thing weve got in this boring vortex we might as well try to have a little fun!
56204	CALLIOPE: yeah!!
56205	JANE: NO, YOU IDIOT!
56206	JANE: Oh, you idiots.
56207	JANE: You stupid, stupid dogs.
56208	JANE: I AM TRYING TO REVIVE HER!!!
56209	JANE: Fine.
56210	JANE: If that is how you are going to be...
56211	JANE: You leave me with no alternative.
56212	JANE: No, come back!
56213	JANE: You were supposed to drop her first.
56214	JANE: MY CALCULATIONS SAID YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO DROP HER FIRST!
56215	DAVE: hey
56216	DAVE: johns hot mom
56217	DAVE: did you just say you can revive jade
56218	JANE: Yes.
56219	DAVE: thats all i need to know
56220	DAVE: wait here
56221	DAVE: and whatever you do
56222	DAVE: dont die ok
56223	JANE: .
56224	JANE: Hot mom?
56225	ROSE: DAVE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
56226	KARKAT: KANAYA WAIT UP!
56227	KARKAT: YOU KNOW I CAN'T COMPETE WITH YOUR DRINKER FASTNESS.
56228	KANAYA: My What
56229	KARKAT: GOD DAMN IT.
56230	KARKAT: WE'RE MISSING EVERYTHING!
56231	KARKAT: HOW MUCH BULLSHIT IS IT THAT WE'RE PRETTY MUCH THE ONLY TWO ASSHOLES LEFT WHO CAN'T FLY?!
56232	KANAYA: It Really Is Such Bullshit
56233	KARKAT: DAVE?
56234	KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK
56235	DAVE: cant talk chasing dogs
56236	ARANEA: Dirk, how long did you want our standoff to last?
56237	ARANEA: Don't get me wrong. I am flattered you seem to enjoy my company so much.
56238	ARANEA: 8ut you are missing a golden opportunity to sever my arm while I'm preoccupied with overconfident 8lather.
56239	ARANEA: Really, you would 8e doing me a favor 8y taking my arm.
56240	ARANEA: It would 8ring me that much closer to following in the footsteps of my true self.
56241	ARANEA: She was a very successful pir8, you know. She lost her arm in 8attle to a cunning adversary she underestim8ted, much like yourself.
56242	ARANEA: Won't you help me 8ecome who I was always meant to 8e?
56243	DIRK: Ugh.
56244	DIRK: Shut up.
56245	DIRK: I'm not going to cut off your arm.
56246	DIRK: It's such an obvious trap.
56247	DIRK: You'll just put me to sleep or something. With your psychic powers, or maybe a long story.
56248	DIRK: I have a better idea.
56249	ARANEA: Oh?
56250	DIRK: If I can't get the ring off your finger,
56251	DIRK: I'll rip the soul out of your body.
56252	ARANEA:
56253	<.img src="http://mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/aranea_aaaaaaah.gif" border="0" />
56254	VRISKA: To 8e honest, I don't even want to hear any more.
56255	VRISKA: Next time you have an upd8 on what my ancestor has 8een up to, please just keep it to yourself.
56256	MEENAH: you sure
56257	VRISKA: It's em8arrassing!
56258	VRISKA: I cringe every time I think a8out her self-indulgent exploits.
56259	MEENAH: mhm
56260	VRISKA: Doesn't she realize this sort of thing never works?
56261	VRISKA: You don't just go and insert yourself into the middle of all the action in the most hamfisted way possi8le just 8ecause you can't stand another second 8eing out of the spotlight.
56262	VRISKA: That always goes horri8ly for everyone.
56263	VRISKA: Even worse, it ends up making you look like an idiot.
56264	VRISKA: And even MORE worse, it's making ME look like an idiot 8y associ8tion!
56265	VRISKA: Why couldn't she have thought this through a little more?
56266	VRISKA: Why couldn't she have at least TOLD us first?
56267	MEENAH: shruggin ma shoulders yo
56268	VRISKA: How is it that I understand this and she doesn't?
56269	VRISKA: She's HOW much older than me?
56270	VRISKA: Like a 8ajillion dream 8u88le sweeps or something?
56271	VRISKA: All that experience and wisdom, and she's out there floundering around like fucking noo8.
56272	MEENAH: (floundering)
56273	VRISKA: It's so disheartening. She wants to 8e like Marquise so much, just like I used to.
56274	VRISKA: 8ut she is NOTHING like her!
56275	VRISKA: You kind of need to have a fuck ton of experience doing, you know... a lot of ruthless pir8tey shit 8efore you can pull that off?
56276	VRISKA: You can't just 8e a 8ookish dwee8 all your life, then suddenly decide to flip the 8adass switch and expect people to take you seriously.
56277	VRISKA: Also, to truly pull that off, it MIGHT help to actually 8e a goddamned adult.
56278	VRISKA: I know, I must 8e totally off my swaychair for suggesting it. 8ut may8e, just MAY8E, there are certain roles and 8ehaviors which are 8est left to fully developed, grown ass people!
56279	VRISKA: Not to sound like a wet 8lanket, 8ut my ancestor's journal contained some EXTREMELY mature content!
56280	VRISKA: So now we have yet another stupid kid trying to fill the 8oots of a legendary pir8 queen, and it's amateur hour all over again.
56281	VRISKA: All I can see in her is me when I used to........
56282	VRISKA: And it makes me want to........
56283	VRISKA: UGHHHHHHHH!
56284	MEENAH: stop movin around all angry
56285	MEENAH: you fuckin me up here
56286	VRISKA: Sorry.
56287	VRISKA: I'm just dismayed 8y some of the implic8tions of her actions.
56288	VRISKA: Is this really how I came off when I used to pull this sort of shit?
56289	MEENAH: dunno wasnt there
56290	VRISKA: I have a sickening feeling it was just like this.
56291	VRISKA: No wonder no8ody could stand me.
56292	VRISKA: And here I am, 8itching at my ancestor like I know 8etter, like I've evolved 8eyond all that.
56293	VRISKA: 8ut........
56294	VRISKA: Have I really?
56295	VRISKA: Do I go around thinking I'm smarter than I used to 8e, 8ut end up repeating all the same old patterns without even realizing it?
56296	VRISKA: Was the plan to find this treasure and 8uild an army just a rest8tement of my immature, egomaniacal 8ullshit disguised as a more "strategically sensi8le" plan?
56297	VRISKA: If I can apparently keep kidding myself a8out this crap forever, then how would I know the difference?
56298	VRISKA: I guess the thing I h8 most a8out her stunt isn't that it's a dum8 plan, or that we weren't included.
56299	VRISKA: It's that it's making me wonder if I can trust any of my own judgments, even after all this time.
56300	MEENAH: thats some baller inward reflection serk
56301	VRISKA: I don't know a8out that.
56302	VRISKA: If it's so 8aller, why is it making me feel like shit?
56303	MEENAH: thats what its supposed to do i think
56304	MEENAH: but like
56305	MEENAH: tempurarily?
56306	VRISKA: I guess.
56307	VRISKA: What a8out you?
56308	VRISKA: Does any of this reson8 at all?
56309	VRISKA: I know you used to stir up shit with your friends.
56310	VRISKA: You must have done some outrageous things which you thought were necessary for the good of the team. When you look 8ack, do you ever wonder what you were thinking? Or if you ever truly evolved?
56311	MEENAH: na
56312	VRISKA: Oh, come on.
56313	VRISKA: Don't leave me hanging in self dou8t lim8o here.
56314	VRISKA: Gimme SOMETHING, Peixes.
56315	MEENAH: haha
56316	MEENAH: i dont know maybe??
56317	MEENAH: sea my thing is
56318	MEENAH: i dont verbally torture my cray schemes like all the serket girls
56319	MEENAH: and that works ok for me
56320	MEENAH: guess i made some mistakes but who really gives a flip
56321	VRISKA: You don't care if you make mistakes?
56322	MEENAH: not like you and she do
56323	MEENAH: araneas deal is
56324	MEENAH: what shes doin now isnt much different from how she always did stuff
56325	MEENAH: the stuff she does is never about the things shes actually doing
56326	MEENAH: its about what those things M-EAN and makin sure everyone KNOWS what they mean
56327	MEENAH: and above all makin sure everyone understands how important she is cause shes obviously the source of all that critical M-EANING without which all action would be pointless right?
56328	MEENAH: but thats not how i rolled
56329	MEENAH: i just
56330	MEENAH: did shit
56331	MEENAH: and the shit i did
56332	MEENAH: meant only the things the shit accomplished
56333	MEENAH: and if that shit accomplished a dumb thing that sucked
56334	MEENAH: then i guess thats what you call a mistake and oh fuckin well
56335	MEENAH: mistakes aint make me feel too bad since i dont really connect results with my shelf worth
56336	MEENAH: ya feel me
56337	VRISKA: YES.
56338	VRISKA: That is so right on.
56339	VRISKA: If you asked me a long time ago, I'm sure I would have insisted that's exactly how I felt a8out everything I did too.
56340	VRISKA: 8ut I don't know if that's true anymore.
56341	VRISKA: In fact, I'm sure that WASN'T true.
56342	VRISKA: I was always invested as hell in the consequences of everything I did, and how it made me look.
56343	VRISKA: And how it made me feel a8out myself especially.
56344	MEENAH: ok i will admit
56345	MEENAH: i always felt hella bad about decisions leavin me with less gold
56346	MEENAH: glub damn
56347	MEENAH: feel a tide a shame wash over me just thinkin about going broke
56348	VRISKA: Well of course.
56349	VRISKA: Who the fuck wants to 8e poor?
56350	VRISKA: That's for losers.
56351	MEENAH: word
56352	VRISKA: Anyway, I have no idea what to do now.
56353	VRISKA: Her ill-advised power play has ruined everything.
56354	MEENAH: well
56355	MEENAH: we still have this treasure here
56356	MEENAH: why dont we just do the shit without her
56357	MEENAH: you could whip up another ghost army
56358	MEENAH: march it strait to english and start beatin him down
56359	VRISKA: I don't think so.
56360	MEENAH: why not
56361	VRISKA: If you want to know the truth........
56362	VRISKA: When we were manipul8ting all those ghosts, Aranea was doing most of the work.
56363	VRISKA: Her a8ilities are a lot more advanced than mine. I guess 8ecause she's 8een around for so long?
56364	VRISKA: I was kind of riding her coattails, making it seem like it was a true colla8oration 8etween us.
56365	VRISKA: It was actually very nice of her to allow people to get that impression. She didn't have to.
56366	VRISKA: I should have just told every8ody that. I guess I wanted to 8elieve it too. Like we were equal partners in crime. Ancestor and descendant united at last, and working gr8 together.
56367	VRISKA: I hope you don't think that makes me a huge phony.
56368	MEENAH: why would i give a fish about that
56369	VRISKA: Yeah.
56370	VRISKA: You're right, you wouldn't.
56371	VRISKA: I shouldn't 8e saying needy shit like that.
56372	VRISKA: I'm just a 8it depressed, 8ecause it feels like I'm running out of friends all over again.
56373	MEENAH: i hear you
56374	MEENAH: she ditched me too
56375	MEENAH: cant blame her i guess
56376	MEENAH: what can i say girl loves her piratesona
56377	MEENAH: she wanna be dat pirate chick so bad
56378	MEENAH: who am i to fault ambition
56379	MEENAH: she cast her lure into the lake of cute but dumbass dreams
56380	MEENAH: i think her mindfang ideal is ridic to be lochness with you
56381	MEENAH: that journal man
56382	MEENAH: tales from the pirate who wont shut up
56383	MEENAH: but then
56384	MEENAH: im not one to talk about hero worship
56385	MEENAH: i think my adult self happens to be the best best greatest most perfect beautiful woman -----EV-----ER an if you axed me if i wanted a crack at her job id be like glub yes put me down for T)(AT
56386	MEENAH: so i legit hope it works out for her
56387	MEENAH: but yeah
56388	MEENAH: that dont mean i didnt get ditched
56389	MEENAH: and that just
56390	MEENAH: 38(
56391	MEENAH: makes me reel sad
56392	VRISKA: Same.
56393	MEENAH: you sure we cant salvage the plan without her
56394	VRISKA: I don't know.
56395	VRISKA: Possi8ly?
56396	VRISKA: The way I was picturing it, a major feature of the original three pronged approach was to use the army to lead a first wave assault against him.
56397	VRISKA: Then while he was preoccupied 8y all those ghosts swamping him, I would go in for the kill with the secret weapon.
56398	VRISKA: So without an army, I guess we'd need to get close enough to him to use it 8efore he killed us.
56399	MEENAH: like uh
56400	MEENAH: sneak up on him?
56401	VRISKA: I guess.
56402	VRISKA: 8ut I get the feeling Lord English is not the kind of guy you can just sneak up on.
56403	MEENAH: kay what if
56404	MEENAH: i found some way to teleport over to him
56405	MEENAH: and i beat the shit out of him with my wrestling moves
56406	MEENAH: then you bust out the weapon
56407	VRISKA: Hahahaha.
56408	VRISKA: That would 8e awesome, if somewhat implausi8le.
56409	VRISKA: I guess we can think it over.
56410	VRISKA: 8ut if we're getting real here, this has all made me feel pretty lukewarm on the plan.
56411	VRISKA: Aranea checking the fuck out. And me recoiling at her hu8ris, which is o8viously just........
56412	VRISKA: My OWN 8ullshit, getting thrown 8ack in my face?
56413	VRISKA: It's a 8it much.
56414	VRISKA: You have to 8e a8le to trust your own judgment to make good plans, right?
56415	VRISKA: I don't know if I do anymore.
56416	VRISKA: I certainly don't right now.
56417	VRISKA: Remem8er when our crew started re8elling against me in that cave, and I was kind of lashing out?
56418	VRISKA: I think I might have 8een forcing it a little?
56419	VRISKA: Like that whole dramatic speech I gave when I jumped into the flaming pit.
56420	VRISKA: Was that really a genuine thing, or like, a desper8te last attempt to 8e who I think I should 8e?
56421	MEENAH: that was badass though
56422	MEENAH: i mean yeah you were chewin the scenery an being hammy as fuck but i thought it was cool and kinda funny
56423	VRISKA: It wasn't supposed to 8e funny though!!!!!!!!
56424	MEENAH: oh
56425	VRISKA: Ah man.
56426	VRISKA: I really don't know what to do.
56427	VRISKA: I'm too depressed to think proactively a8out any of this.
56428	VRISKA: May8e the truth is I don't even care all that much if anyone stops Lord English.
56429	VRISKA: I think all I really cared a8out was getting to do it myself.
56430	MEENAH: thats a good enough reason if you ask me
56431	MEENAH: but hey if you aint feelin it you aint feelin it
56432	VRISKA: What if we just........
56433	VRISKA: Gave up on the mission?
56434	MEENAH: gave up
56435	VRISKA: Yeah.
56436	VRISKA: What do you think.
56437	MEENAH: um
56438	MEENAH: sure
56439	VRISKA: Sure?
56440	VRISKA: You don't think that would 8e a wussy move?
56441	MEENAH: well yeah
56442	MEENAH: it would be
56443	MEENAH: if a couple of cowards did it
56444	MEENAH: but that aint us
56445	MEENAH: so we cool to do whatev
56446	VRISKA: That's a very good point.
56447	MEENAH: nofin wrong with stickin a fork in a shit idea that just makes you miserable
56448	MEENAH: hell the best choice i ever made involved givin up
56449	MEENAH: one day i said
56450	MEENAH: fuck da throne
56451	MEENAH: ran off to the moon
56452	MEENAH: thats how this whole crazy mess kicked off
56453	MEENAH: and if i didnt do that
56454	MEENAH: i wouldnt of met you 38)
56455	VRISKA:
56456	VRISKA: ::::)
56457	DIRK: JAKE, YOUR HOPE FIELD IS DISSIPATING!
56458	DIRK: COME ON MAN, YOU DON'T NEED TO RELY ON HER TO KEEP BELIEVING!
56459	DIRK: TRY AND HOLD YOUR SHIT TOGETHER FOR JUST A LITTLE LONGER!
56460	<.img src="http://mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/jake_bigtext15.gif" border="0" />
56461	DIRK: GOD DAMN IT, JAKE!
56462	ROSE: Mr. Strider?
56463	DIRK: ...
56464	ROSE: What are you doing to this troll, if I might ask?
56465	DIRK: GET HER THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!
56466	ROSE: Gotcha.
56467	TEREZI: WHY WONT YOU F1GHT B4CK?!
56468	TEREZI: WHY WONT YOU S4Y SOM3TH1NG??!!
56469	TEREZI: WHY WONT YOU D13???!!!!
56470	JANE: Forgive me, Jake.
56471	ARANEA: Good GRIEF, that was painful.
56472	GAMZEE: TeReZi...
56473	GAMZEE: wHoA.
56474	GAMZEE: PlEaSe StOp.
56475	GAMZEE: YoU'rE mOtHeRfUcKiN...
56476	GAMZEE: hUrTiNg Me. :o(
56477	TEREZI: OH...
56478	TEREZI: OH GOD
56479	TEREZI: WH4T H4V3 1 DON3
56480	TEREZI: 1...
56481	TEREZI: 1M SORRY!
56482	GAMZEE:
56483	<.img src="http://mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/BLOODHONK.gif" border="0" />
56484	ROSE: GAMZEE!
56485	ROSE: STOP THAT!!
56486	ROSE: Or, wait.
56487	ROSE: Is this some sort of blackrom thing?
56488	ROSE: I certainly hope not.
56489	ROSE: Think, Lalonde. Think!
56490	ROSE: What did Kanaya tell you about this quadrant?
56491	ROSE: Does it really involve such gruesome fisticuffs?
56492	ROSE: I...
56493	ROSE: I can't remember!
56494	ROSE: I was probably drunk during that particular lesson.
56495	ROSE: What am I saying.
56496	ROSE: I was drunk for all the lessons!
56497	ROSE: Ugh, what a disgrace.
56498	ROSE: I am the actual worst auspistice who ever lived.
56499	ROSE: THE ACTUAL WORST!!!
56500	KARKAT: TEREZI...
56501	KARKAT: NO
56502	JAKE: Pardon me...
56503	JAKE: Sir jester?
56504	JAKE: I dont know what this masked bandit has done to deserve such a throttling...
56505	JAKE: Something sufficiently felonious i presume?
56506	JAKE: But it is hard to imagine she has not been punished enough and then some.
56507	JAKE: Perhaps you could um...
56508	JAKE: If its not much bother...
56509	JAKE: See to...
56510	JAKE: Unhanding the lady?
56511	JAKE: Maybe?
56512	GAMZEE: ;o)
56513	ROSE: ENOUGH!
56514	ROSE: I don't care if it IS some sort of grisly courtship ritual.
56515	ROSE: THIS HAS TO STOP!
56516	KARKAT: OH ******HELL****** NO
56517	KARKAT: LET HER GO THIS *INSTANT* YOU HEINOUS COD PACKING SHIT MIME!
56518	KARKAT: WE AREN'T GONNA HUG IT OUT *THIS* TIME BRO, I'LL TELL YOU THAT MUCH RIGHT FUCKING NOW!!!
56519	GAMZEE: honk.
56520	KARKAT: WHAT THE
56521	ARANEA: Oh shit.
56522	WELCOME BACK.
56523	(AGAIN.)
56524	I CAN ONLY ASSUME. THAT WAITING FOR THE NEXT INSTALLMENT OF MY VAUNTED SERIES, "HOMOSUCK". WAS AS TIME CONSUMING FOR YOU. AS IT WAS FOR ME.
56525	I HAVE BEEN WORKING MY ASS OFF. LIKE ONE OF YOUR HUMAN MOTHERFUCKERS. AT PERFECTING MY CRAFTS MANSHIP.
56526	YOU ARE PROBABLY WONDERING IF THE FRUITS OF MY LABORIOUS TOIL. WERE EXTREMELY SUCCESSFUL.
56527	I BELIEVE YOU WILL FIND THE ANSWER TO BE THE FOLLOWING WORD.
56528	I HAVE DONE IT. WHERE THE FINE ARTS ARE CONCERNED, I HAVE REACHED THE PINNACLE OF ACHIEVEMENT MOUNTAIN. I STAB MY CANE INTO THE PEAK (LIKE A FLAG), THUS MAKING A SNOWY AVALANCHE. ON TO THE HATERS BELOW!
56529	JEALOUS MUCH, FAT ASS???
56530	THE MYSTERY TO SUCCESS. LAY HIDDEN AMIDST THE BYZANTINE MANGAS. ALL ALONG.
56531	THESE OCCULT WIZARDRIES OF THE BRUSH. PURLOINED FROM COOL SCROLLS OF WISE MEN FROM THE EARTHLING EAST. HAVE BEEN GATHERED FOR MY STUDIOUS PERUSAL INSIDE A SEDUCTIVE TOME. EMBLAZONED WITH A FRIVOLOUS TART.
56532	HOWEVER, MASTERING EACH SLY GAMBIT OF THE TRADE. IS NO EASY TASK.
56533	AND YET EASILY MASTERING THEM. WITH GREAT DIFFICULTY. IS EXACTLY WHAT I DID!
56534	TO PROFESSIONALS IN THE BUSINESS, THAT IS.
56535	PREVIOUSLY. BEFORE I LITERALLY TRANSFORMED. INTO THE SUPREME DOUJINSHI MAN GAKA, STANDING BEFORE YOUR VERY EYES. I MADE SOME PREDICTABLE PLANS. REGARDING WHAT GOES NEXT IN MY STORY.
56536	I GOT EVERYTHING READY. I DREW ALL OF "THE TROLLS". LOOK. ALL OF YOUR FAVORITES ARE HERE.
56537	UH...
56538	SUCH AS IN CASE I WAS IN NEED. OF MORE FICTITIOUS IDIOTS TO MURDER. INSIDE MY DRAWINGS.
56539	ALL OF THIS WRETCHED TRASH. GOES IN THE PLACE WHERE IT BELONGS. WHICH IS TO SAY, THE *GARBAGE*.
56540	THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU ARE AN ARTIST. SOMETIMES YOU CHANGE YOUR IDEA PLANS. BECAUSE THEY SUDDENLY SEEM TERRIBLE. DUE TO YOUR ASTRONOMICAL STRIDES IN CREATIVE MASTERY.
56541	THESE WERE THE PIXEL PUPPETS. OF A LAUGHABLE AMATEUR. THEY ARE BENEATH ME NOW. MUCH LIKE YOU ARE.
56542	BUT IN SPITE OF ALL OF YOUR BAD SHORTCOMINGS. I WILL LET YOU OBSERVE MY ARTISTIC BREAKTHROUGHS. BECAUSE OF HOW PROUD OF THEM I AM. AND WATCHING PEOPLE BE IMPRESSED AT MY DRAWINGS. EVEN DUMB JERKS. MAKES ME FEEL GREAT ABOUT MYSELF AND MY ACCOMPLISHMENTS.
56543	ABRA CAFUCKING DABRA YOU NASTY SHITNERDS.
56544	READ IT AND WEEP!!!
56545	(AND TELL ME HOW GOOD YOU THINK IT ALL IS. THANKS.)
56546	LOOK WHO JUST SWAGGERED INTO YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS.
56547	IT'S GOD'S GIFT. TO "THE YAOIS". MY RESEARCH TELLS ME.
56548	GET A LOAD OF THOSE BABY REDS.
56549	IS OUR ALPHA MALE.
56550	NOT THAT I BLAME YOU FOR NOT RECOGNIZING HIM. FROM HIS ONCE PREVIOUSLY ODIOUS VISAGE, OF BEFORE.
56551	BUT NOW, BY MY SKILLFUL HAND. THIS GORGEOUS MALE HERO. HAS BEEN ALLOWED TO RADIATE. WITH THE SUPREME DIVINITY. OF BOYMANGA HEAVEN.
56552	DON'T LOOK NOW. BUT ANOTHER BASHFUL BISHIE APPROACHES THE STAGE.
56553	IT'S OUR TROLL MALE. KRAB GUY. QUITE A TEMPER, THIS ONE! HE BELLOWS HIMSELF HOARSE DAILY. AT OUR SMART TALKING. GIVE NO FUCK. ALPHA MALE.
56554	THESE MOE BROS PUT THE PAL, IN PALPABLE CHEMISTRY. THE KIND OF WHICH IS BAD, AS WELL AS EROTIC. THE SAGE ELDERS OF MANGA DESCRIBE THE QUADRANT THEY OCCUPY, AS I QUOTE "TSUNDERE". IT IS A TEMPESTUOUS LIAISON OF MUTUAL GRIEVANCE. AND YET, DEEP DOWN. THEY KNOW IN EACH OTHER'S HEART THAT THEY ARE SOLID DUDES.
56555	THIS IS WRONG. WHAT'S GOING ON HERE? THE TOUCHING. THE TENDERNESS.
56556	I KNOW IT. YOU KNOW IT. LET'S NOT PLAY A GAME WITH EACH OTHER.
56557	WHERE, PER CHANCE, ARE THE BITCHES? I CAN HEAR YOU ASK.
56558	YOU RAISE AN EXCELLENT POINT.
56559	THE MANGAS PLAY BY DIFFERENT RULES. YOU'LL AGREE WITH THIS. WHEN YOU HEAR THE FACTS OF MY RATIONALE.
56560	NATURALLY SUCH MAUDLIN DISPLAYS. OF TOUCHING AND SIMPERING. HAVE NO PLACE. WHERE ONLY COCKSURE, MASCULINE GENTLEMEN ARE PRESENT.
56561	HOWEVER. BY THE MAN GAKA'S ILLUSIONRY. HE CHANGES EVERYTHING! WHERE BEFORE OUR MALES WERE COARSE. CHISLED. AND CRUDELY ANGULAR. BUILT FOR PRIME TIME. LIKE A FUCKING GARBAGE TRUCK. PLOWING THROUGH THE WALL. OF AN INDUSTRIAL BEEF MILL. SO CUT. SO *MAXED OUT*. THAT THEY COULD ONLY PROVOKE INSIDE A YOUNG MAN. THOUGHTS OF *RAW POWER*. NEVER DEBAUCHERY!!!
56562	UNTIL NOW, THAT IS. BECAUSE OF MANGA. AND ITS INHERENT CAPABILITY TO TRANSFORM ALL THAT IS HARD AND CRUEL. INTO FIGURES OF SUBLIME BEAUTY. I FIND THIS ARTIFICE TO BE. MUCH LIKE THE SIREN SPELL OF THE TRICKSTER. YET, IMPOSSIBLY. EVEN MORE HAUNTING IN ITS ALLURE.
56563	IT OPENS UP SO MANY POSSIBILITIES. TO THE FIEND OF INDECENT SMUT. WHERE BEFORE, IT WAS ALL BUT IMPOSSIBLE. TO RENDER TRULY *****SENTIMENTAL***** IMAGERY, WITHOUT RESORTING TO BABES AND BIMBOS GALORE. DUE TO THE UTTERLY UNACCEPTABLE HAPPENSTANCE WHERE IN MACHO GUYS ARE PHYSICALLY POIGNANT WITH EACH OTHER. WHICH TO REASONABLE MEN IS THE MOST UNWELCOME PERSUASION OF LECHERY. OR THAT IS, IT WAS...
56564	UNTIL NOW!
56565	LOOK HOW SMART THIS HOAX IS. THANKS TO MANGA. SEE. THROUGH THE ELEGANCE OF BEAUTY AND FINESSE. IT SOFTENS THE UNCOUTH MALE EXTERIOR. BEVELING THE ANGLES OF PURE MUSCLE. TAMING HIS INCREDIBLE ANGRINESS. AND BY THE FLUSHING OF CHEEKS. THE DEWING OF BROW. THE GLASSING OF EYES. ONE BRINGS OUT OF ANY BRUTE, HIS TRUE INNER BISHIE. WHICH ACTUALLY IS MANGANESE. FOR A BEAUTIFUL FUCKING DUDE.
56566	IF YOU'RE CONFUSED, BASICALLY THE IDEA IS. YOU PRETEND THEM TO LOOK MORE LIKE GIRLS. TO MAKE IT LESS WEIRD FOR EVERYBODY WHEN THEY DECIDE TO TOUCH EACH OTHER.
56567	I MEAN. IT IS REPULSIVE TO WITNESS. DO NOT GET ME WRONG.
56568	BUT YET, IT REMAINS...
56569	AN AMOROUS FEMALE SASHAYS INTO THE SEXUAL PICTURE. TO SPOIL THE BOY FUN.
56570	DON'T BE DECEIVED. BY THE FACT THAT THIS FELINE FLOOZY IS TOO UNIMPORTANT FOR ME TO BOTHER NAMING. THIS IS AN *ORIGINAL CHARACTER*. WHO SHALL NOT BE STOLEN. PLEASE RESPECT MY PROPERTY.
56571	THIS SACCHARINE TWIT HAS SOME INTERESTS, WHICH INCLUDE.
56572	1. GIGGLING.
56573	2. MAKING ME PUKE.
56574	3. USING CAT WORDS, INSTEAD OF NORMAL WORDS.
56575	4. SERVING NO PURPOSE.
56576	5. WEARING STUPID CLOTHES.
56577	6. PROBABLY SMELLING HORRIBLE.
56578	UM, CAN SOMEONE SAY OWNED? MOVING ON.
56579	"HELLO BOYS", THIS PLUCKY STRUMPET SEEMS TO SAY WITH HER EYES. SHE IS LOOKING TO HORN THE FUCK IN. ON OUR TWO TOP DOGG'S ILLEGAL PASSION PARADISE. SHE IS NO DOUBT HOPING FOR... *MUCHAS SMOOCHES*
56580	FAT CHANCE SISTER!!!
56581	1. TOTAL FAILURE.
56582	2. GETTING FRIEND ZONED BY QUALITY MALE HONCHOS.
56583	3. LIVING IN PERPETUAL DISGRACE.
56584	4. BEING A COMPLETE FUCKING THIRD WHEEL TO SOME COOL BOYS.
56585	5. NOT BEING WORTH THE ALPHA MALE'S TIME OF DAY.
56586	6. NOT BEING WORTH THE KRABKRAB'S TIME OF DAY.
56587	BYE.
56588	NOT TOO SHABBY, RIGHT? YOU CAN JUST TELL THIS "LUCKY LADY" IS BRIMMING WITH CHUTZPAH.
56589	ME THINKS SHE WILL BE A VERY CONTROVERSIAL CHARACTER. WITH EXCESSIVE COMPLICATIONS. AND AMBIGUOUS MORAL STUFF. IN HER PERSONALITY BULLET POINTS.
56590	HER TRAITS AND OTHER SUCH CHARACTER THINGS. WILL BE A LOT TO LIST. WHICH IS FINE, BECAUSE IT WILL HELP YOU BELIEVE MY CREATION IS MORE INTERESTING. IN FACT. THIS IS ONE SUCH ADVANTAGE OF DOMINATING ALL KNOWN MANGA AS I HAVE DONE. WHEN YOU'RE THIS GOOD, AND BRILLIANT. YOU DON'T EVEN REALLY NEED TO "TELL STORIES" ANYMORE. YOU CAN JUST MAKE SOME CHARACTERS. AND LIST THEIR VARIOUS QUALITIES EXTENSIVELY. AND THAT'S GOOD ENOUGH.
56591	THE MANY. MANY INTRIGUING PERSONAL FACTS. OF THIS TRUCULENT FEMALE PROVOCATEUR. SHALL BE LISTED EXTENSIVELY.
56592	SHE ACTUALLY THOUGHT SHE WAS GOING TO BE RELEVANT. KEEP DREAMING BITCH!
56593	DON'T YOU? LET'S DROP THE BULLSHIT. AND STOP FUCKING AROUND.
56594	YOU ARE PROBABLY WONDERING. "WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR ALL THIS MAYHEM?" YOU ASK.
56595	DON'T LOOK NOW. BUT IT'S NONE OTHER. THAN THE BIG MAN HIMSELF.
56596	WHO YOU ASK, IS THIS BROODING BEAUTIFUL DUDE?
56597	THIS IS YOURS TRULY. MY SELF INSERTION GUY. WHICH IS MY PREROGATIVE TO DO AS AN ARTIST. I LEARNED THIS FROM MY "MASTER". THE WISE ASSED GHOST WHO HAUNTED MY COMPUTER. HE WAS THE BEST THERE WAS AT STUFF LIKE THIS, HE TOLD ME ONCE. TRULY, HE WAS QUITE THE PIECE OF SHIT.
56598	ASK ANY DECORATED SCHOLAR TO THE SCHOOL OF MANGA, AND HE WILL SAY. BEFORE YOU STANDS THE YAOIEST MOTHERFUCKER WHO EVER LIVED. ALL THINGS ABOUT THIS GORGEOUS BASTARD TELL YOU LOUD AND CLEAR. THIS IS A MAN OF CLASS AND STYLE.
56599	HE IS DRESSED TO KILL. (LITERALLY! HAHA, YESSS.) LOOK AT THIS FANCY DAN, STRUTTING HIS STUFF AND DAPPER AS FUCK. YOUR BOY HERE PEACOCKS HARD AT HONIES APLENTY, NEGGING THE BITCHES AND CLOSING THE HOES IN A COAT THAT IS FIT FOR A LORD. LOOK AT THAT GOD DAMN COAT. I DON'T KNOW HOW HE GETS THAT COAT? PROBABLY DUE TO A SHENANIGAN THAT TAKES PLACE LATER. I DOUBT IT MATTERS THAT MUCH. IT LOOKS GREAT THOUGH, AND I LOVE IT.
56600	SURE, WHY NOT. THE HAT IS NOT CANONICAL TO MY FANON, BUT I DO NOT SEE THE HARM IN SUCH A DIGNIFIED ACCESSORY. AH YES, PERFECT. WHO COULD EVER BE ACCUSED OF BEING AN ASSHOLE WHILE WEARING THAT?? NOBODY.
56601	OH, ALSO. SICK NASTY GREEN ELECTRICITY WINGS? FUCKING CHECK. I THINK WE ARE GOOD TO GO HERE.
56602	HIS WOMAN, THAT ELABORATE TRAMP FROM THE SURFACE OF THE TOME, HUSTLES TO THE SIDE OF HER DEBONAIR HOT SHOT. "MY'LADY" HE DOFFS RATIONALLY. THE MAN BRIMS WITH INTELLECTUAL IDEAS SHE WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND. HE KNOWS MANY THINGS, ABOUT THE WORLD, AND BEING STRONG. BUT YET... HE STILL DOESN'T KNOW WHO SHE IS. THE GODDESS OF MANGA, PERHAPS?
56603	IT IS NO MATTER. SHE MUST BOW DOWN BEFORE HER LORD. AS MUST YOU ALL SOME DAY.
56604	SHE BOWS BEFORE YOU SUBMISSIVELY IN A SUBSERVIENT MANNER. EVERYTHING IS CORRECT ABOUT THE SITUATION. YOU THINK SHE'S REALLY ATTRACTIVE, AND IT MAKES YOU FEEL WEIRD PHYSICALLY. AND YET, UNLIKE YOUR SISTER, SHE KNOWS HER PLACE. AND HAS NO OPINIONS OR WORDS TO REMARK ABOUT.
56605	I MEAN...
56606	NOT TO IMPLY THAT ANY OTHER ASPECT OF HER IS LIKE YOUR SISTER. LIKE BEING ATTRACTIVE. WOW. WHAT? READ INTO STUFF MUCH? YOU DECIDE YOU HAVE TOO MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS. YOU STOP THINKING ABOUT THIS TOPIC STARTING AS OF IMMEDIATELY.
56607	ALL IS WELL AND IDEAL AGAIN, WITHOUT YOU BLURTING OUT UNNECESSARY SEXY SCANDALS. IT IS ALMOST A BIT. *TOO* IDEAL, YOU THINK.
56608	"HMM."
56609	hey.
56610	YOU GO IN FOR A CLOSER LOOK. AT THE EYES OF THE HANDSOME BOY'S APPEARANCE. AND NOTICE A WORRISOME DISCREPANCY.
56611	NO, THIS IS ALL WRONG, YOU FROWN. THESE GLASSY RED PEEPERS, LOVELY THOUGH THEY ARE. ARE NOT YOUR LORD'S FINAL FORM. OH NO.
56612	WITH THE HAT FLAVORS. OF MY LOYAL FROG PUPPET GUYS.
56613	LEGEND DEMANDS, THIS IS A TRAIT OF SUPREME INVINCIBILITY. OWED TO A FULL BODY UNION. WITH THE CLOCKWORK MAJYY. MAYJYJ. MAKJACK.
56614	THE CLOCKWORK BULLSHIT.
56615	I DON'T KNOW WHY THAT'S SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN YET. BUT MAYBE WE'LL FIND OUT...
56616	TOGETHER?
56617	HEY ASSHOLE, I'M TALKING TO YOU!
56618	it's you, isn't it.
56619	you're the guy who wrote that horrible story with all the fake daves!
56620	you're behind all this, aren't you! i dunno how i know that, but i can just feel it!
56621	you're the one who vriska and her pirate pals are all trying to stop! it was you who put all this into motion in some way i don't really understand! which means you're responsible for like a trillion people dying, and universes blowing up, and all my friends getting scattered around and acting like idiots, and my dad being dead!
56622	ok, maybe you're not totally responsible for us acting like idiots, most of that is on us! but all that other bad stuff is your fault somehow, isn't it!
56623	I'M GONNA KICK YOUR ASS!!!
56624	AS YOU CAN SEE, THE FORMER GHOST OF THE MALE HERO HAS COME BACK TO HAUNT ME. THIS IS NOT HIS FIRST UNWELCOME INTRUSION. INTO MY PRIVATE IMPORTANT AFFAIRS.
56625	who... are you talking to?
56626	TECHNICALLY. IT WILL NOT BE HIS LAST EITHER. BUT IT WILL MARK THE FIRST TIME HE IS FORCED TO PAY A TOLL FOR HIS RUDE TELEPORTATION CRIME.
56627	OH YES, TODAY HE WILL PAY.
56628	WITH HIS TEETH.
56629	AND WITH HIS BLOOD.
56630	um...
56631	JOHN: what the fuck happened here?
56632	A TEEN DIDN'T LIKE THE DIRECTION OF MY STORY, SO HE CAME AND BEAT ME UP.
56633	AND BEAR IN MIND THAT ONE TIME, MY LEG WAS BITTEN OFF. AND I TRAGICALLY LOST A SISTER TO MURDER.
56634	TO BEING SUCCUMBED TO A NEW LOW. OF DEPRESSING EMOTIONS.
56635	AS A TORTURED ARTIST. OF SO MUCH TALENTED PROMISE, AND INTELLECTUAL DARING, AND CULTURAL MAGNITUDE. THERE CAN BE NO DOUBT.
56636	THE BLACKEST BALL BEFORE THE HOLE.
56637	THE DARK NIGHT OF THE FEELINGS.
56638	DAY IN. AND DAY OUT. I BRING HOME THE FUCKING BACON.
56639	I ACCOMPLISH ENOUGH PREMIUM CONTENT. TO CHOKE YOUR GLUTTONOUS CANDY HOLES. WHICH SERVE TO BARELY MUFFLE YOUR NOISY CRAVINGS. FOR MORE AND FOR MORE.
56640	AND I DO THIS, FOR WHAT???
56641	IT IS THAT, I AM MISUNDERSTOOD.
56642	THE ATROCIOUS HATERS AND WEAK CHILDREN WILL SAY THAT I AM A MONSTER. THAT I AM THE BIGGEST BAD GUY. AND THAT MY EVIL CRIMES NEED TO BE STOPPED USING TANTRUM PUNCHES. BUT NO.
56643	I AM JUST A SIMPLE ARTIST.
56644	YES, IT'S TRUE I HATE MANY THINGS, AND WANT THEM DEAD. LIKE ALL NON CHERUBS. WHO AREN'T ME.
56645	YES, I MOSTLY WANT TO SEE EVERY LIVING THING TURN EXTINCT IN BAD WAYS. AND OK, I'VE ALWAYS BEEN A SUCKER FOR MAKING FUNNY MURDERS HAPPEN.
56646	BUT THOSE ARE REALLY JUST HOBBIES! THEY DON'T *DEFINE* ME.
56647	I HUGELY INSIST. THAT I WALK THE PATH. NOT OF A VILLAIN. BUT OF AN ARTIST!!!
56648	OF A CRAFT'S MAN.
56649	OF A GENTLE SOUL.
56650	WHO IS IN A STRUGGLE OF CREATIVE CALAMITY.
56651	I MUST RETREAT TO MY CRAFT.
56652	I WILL FALL BACK ON THE FUCKING BASICS.
56653	FORM.
56654	LINE.
56655	ANGLE.
56656	LINE.
56657	MORE LINES.
56658	I WILL REGROUP.
56659	I WILL REBUILD MY VISION, FROM PIXEL ONE.
56660	I WILL REINVENT MYSELF AS AN ARTIST!!!
56661	LIKE A PHOENIX FROM THE ASSES. ("PLAY ON WORDS".)
56662	THE ASSES BELONG TO THE HATERS OF COURSE. WHICH I HANDED TO THEM PERSONALLY. WITH MY STRONG BARE HANDS.
56663	PERFECTING EVERY ASPECT OF MY CRAFT.
56664	POLISHING, WHILE DEMOLISHING.
56665	HONING, WHILE OWNING.
56666	AND IN TIME.
56667	YOU WILL SEE MY MASTERPIECE.
56668	MASTERPIECES DON'T COME CHEAP.
56669	I KNOW I SAID, BLAH BLAH, I'M A SENSITIVE ARTIST. MY SOUL IS CRYING. STUFF LIKE THAT.
56670	BUT LET'S FACE THE CRASS FACTS. I AM A GOD DAMN BUSINESS MAN. AND ART COSTS FUCKING MONEY.
56671	FAR DOWN YOUR MONEY POCKETS. AND DONATE GENEROUSLY TO THE NEXT AND GREATEST ACT OF HOMOSUCK. YOU WON'T BE DISAPPOINTED.
56672	AS WE SPEAK. MY CLOSEST FRIENDS AND ALLIES. ARE DIGGING DEEP, AND CHIPPING IN. TOTALLY OPTIONALLY.
56673	OR ELSE!!!!!!!!!!!
56674	THAT I AM GRACIOUSLY ACCEPTING "CAL COINS". THE BLEEDING EDGE OF MODERN IMAGINARY CURRENCY. WHICH I RECENTLY MADE UP WITH MY COMPUTER. AND CAN CONFIDENTLY CLAIM. TO LARGELY UNDERSTAND.
56675	THROUGH THE NEXT LENGTHY BARRAGE OF NOT IMPORTANT STUFF.
56676	I WILL BE USING LOTS OF FANCY SOFTWARE MONEY, TO CRAFT MY SWAN'S SONG.
56677	TUNE IN NEXT TIME ON HOMOSUCK. FOR THE THRILLING AND ARTISICALLY UNBELIEVABLE CONCLUSION. OF HOMOSUCK.
56678	JOHN: hey there.
56679	JOHN: are you dave's bro?
56680	JOHN: ...
56681	JOHN: hey!
56682	JOHN: did you hear me?
56683	JOHN: where is everyone?
56684	JOHN: i'm john by the way.
56685	DIRK: John.
56686	DIRK: Could you please just leave me alone.
56687	JOHN: what?
56688	JOHN: why?
56689	JOHN: i don't understand.
56690	JOHN: do you know what happened here?
56691	DIRK: Yeah.
56692	DIRK: I failed.
56693	JOHN: roxy?
56694	JOHN: what happened to rose?
56695	ROXY: mom
56696	ROXY: mom!
56697	ROXY: please
56698	ROXY: wake up
56699	ROXY: ...
56700	ROXY: its me
56701	ROXY: ur um
56702	ROXY: daughter kinda
56703	ROXY: ...
56704	ROXY: please dont die
56705	ROXY: ...
56706	ROXY: ...
56707	ROXY: ...
56708	ROXY: rose
56709	ROSE:
56710	ROSE: W,
56711	ROSE: What...
56712	ROSE: Happened to me?
56713	ROXY: the witch got u
56714	ROXY: with her fork
56715	ROXY: but youre gonna be ok
56716	ROSE: Oh.
56717	ROSE: That's nice.
56718	ROSE: *Cough.*
56719	ROXY: maybe you uh
56720	ROXY: shouldnt try to talk now
56721	ROSE: You saved me, didn't you?
56722	ROXY: ...
56723	ROSE: Thanks.
56724	ROSE: But,
56725	ROSE: She's gone, isn't she.
56726	ROSE: For good, I mean.
56727	ROXY: ?
56728	ROSE: I saw her die.
56729	ROSE: And.
56730	ROSE: It's a shame how...
56731	ROSE: *Cough.*
56732	ROSE: A shame that I never even...
56733	ROSE: Got to tell her...
56734	ROSE: I loved her.
56735	ROXY: who?
56736	ROSE: Kanaya.
56737	ROSE: But...
56738	ROSE: You too, mom.
56739	ROSE: You too.
56740	JOHN: is she...
56741	JOHN: i'm sorry.
56742	JOHN: i got here too late to do anything.
56743	JOHN: because as far as i may think i've come...
56744	JOHN: i still don't know what i'm doing.
56745	JOHN: dave's bro in the funny pants was right.
56746	JOHN: but not about himself.
56747	JOHN: i was the one who let everybody down.
56748	JOHN: i'm the failure.
56749	JOHN: it's me.
56750	ROXY: you saw dirk??
56751	ROXY: where is he
56752	JOHN: he was back there, floating near all the exploded planets.
56753	JOHN: he told me to leave him alone, so i did.
56754	JOHN: and now he's stuck somewhere inside all those shitty glitches, which just keep getting worse.
56755	ROXY: do you think we can get him out
56756	ROXY: he is like
56757	ROXY: my only friend who isnt dead yet
56758	JOHN: i don't know.
56759	JOHN: i have been able to clean up some glitches here and there...
56760	JOHN: but they're everywhere now.
56761	JOHN: it's like the whole universe is corrupted.
56762	JOHN: or, more than just the universe.
56763	JOHN: you know what i mean.
56764	JOHN: there's no way i can use my windy powers to blow it all away anymore.
56765	JOHN: and even if i did... then what?
56766	JOHN: everything has gotten so fucked up!
56767	ROXY: yeah
56768	ROXY: sigh
56769	JOHN: poor rose.
56770	JOHN: she was always too brave for her own good.
56771	JOHN: this is exactly what happened last time.
56772	ROXY: last time?
56773	JOHN: um.
56774	JOHN: it was years ago.
56775	JOHN: when jack killed our parents.
56776	JOHN: and we tried to fight him but we weren't strong enough to face him yet.
56777	JOHN: so he killed her.
56778	JOHN: but at least that time...
56779	JOHN: i could bring her back to life.
56780	ROXY: how
56781	JOHN: uh...
56782	JOHN: just, like...
56783	JOHN: using a certain method.
56784	JOHN: that is not an option anymore.
56785	ROXY: ...
56786	JOHN: that's the weird thing about this for me.
56787	JOHN: i'm sitting here, looking at my dead friend.
56788	JOHN: and it's really sad.
56789	JOHN: but at the same time...
56790	JOHN: all of this has already happened before.
56791	JOHN: the death and tragedy and stuff.
56792	JOHN: getting painted into the corner of yet another unwinnable situation.
56793	JOHN: it keeps happening.
56794	JOHN: and i don't know how to stop it!
56795	ROXY: yeah
56796	ROXY: me neither
56797	JOHN: but we can't give up, right?
56798	JOHN: i mean, we've all been in worse situations and gotten out of those, right?
56799	ROXY: er
56800	ROXY: have we rly
56801	JOHN: well...
56802	JOHN: hm.
56803	JOHN: no, i guess we haven't.
56804	JOHN: i guess this like, may be quite literally the worst thing that's ever happened??
56805	JOHN: i mean, not to put too fine a point on ranking shitty things.
56806	JOHN: but this is about as unbelievably shitty as it gets.
56807	JOHN: i keep thinking about what i could have done to...
56808	JOHN: or what i STILL could do if only i...
56809	JOHN: if somehow i could learn to control this...
56810	JOHN: or like, even better understand this...
56811	JOHN: this stupid, zappy, retconny...
56812	JOHN: WHATEVER IT IS.
56813	JOHN: bluh.
56814	ROXY: john yo
56815	ROXY: chill
56816	JOHN: chill?
56817	ROXY: yes
56818	ROXY: maybe we should try to like
56819	ROXY: not worry about shit so much anymore
56820	JOHN: why not?
56821	JOHN: there are so many problems!
56822	ROXY: i know
56823	ROXY: i know all about the problems
56824	ROXY: and we are both way brave and all
56825	ROXY: im sure between us we proved that hella many times already
56826	ROXY: but man
56827	ROXY: i never wanted anything more than to meet my mom
56828	ROXY: to meet rose i mean
56829	ROXY: and to just
56830	ROXY: be with her and talk
56831	ROXY: and try to understand this bond i felt like we always had without ever knowin each other
56832	ROXY: i kept getting so close
56833	ROXY: dreamin about her...
56834	ROXY: wakin up too soon...
56835	ROXY: and finally
56836	ROXY: the last time i woke up
56837	ROXY: was just in time to see her die
56838	ROXY: its like
56839	ROXY: the witch was holding out just long enough for the dream to feel like a real possibility
56840	ROXY: before taking it away
56841	ROXY: then u take that ultrasad thing
56842	ROXY: and pile on all the other brutal manure raining down on this epic shit charade
56843	ROXY: and ive got to say john
56844	ROXY: this is starting to feel an awful lot like the end
56845	JOHN: the end?
56846	ROXY: yeah
56847	ROXY: whatever the end of the road feels like
56848	ROXY: has gotta feel like this
56849	ROXY: maybe we should just
56850	ROXY: admit to ourselves this is probably what its like when you find yourself in a timeline where everything went wrong
56851	ROXY: and you know it means youre doomed
56852	ROXY: and the only thing left to do is face the fact you have to ride it out into nothingness
56853	ROXY: stop worryin so much
56854	ROXY: and try to let it go
56855	JOHN: you mean, like.
56856	JOHN: ...
56857	JOHN: what do you mean?
56858	ROXY: i mean
56859	ROXY: accept that we lost
56860	ROXY: admit that the people we wanted to be with
56861	ROXY: the life we always wanted
56862	ROXY: it was never gonna happen
56863	ROXY: except maybe in the afterlife
56864	ROXY: our friends are there
56865	ROXY: callies there
56866	ROXY: my mom is there
56867	ROXY: why shouldnt we be there too
56868	ROXY: why not just
56869	ROXY: let the doomed timeline work its gloomy majyyks
56870	ROXY: and slip away into nothing with the rest of this mess
56871	JOHN: ...
56872	JOHN: terezi?
56873	JOHN: whoa.
56874	JOHN: are you ok??
56875	TEREZI: F1X TH1S
56876	CALLIOPE: this was yoUr home?
56877	JADE: m hm!
56878	JADE: well, sort of
56879	JADE: it looked more realistic when i lived here
56880	CALLIOPE: ah, yes. i recognize it now.
56881	CALLIOPE: it's jUst like jake's home, bUt with less foliage.
56882	JADE: foliage?
56883	CALLIOPE: on his earth, these hills were covered in trees.
56884	CALLIOPE: in yoUrs i sUppose there was more care given to landscaping. :U
56885	JADE: huh!
56886	JADE: thats interesting
56887	CALLIOPE: is it?
56888	JADE: ummm
56889	CALLIOPE: i'm not sUre that it is, particUlarly.
56890	JADE: heheh yeah i guess not
56891	CALLIOPE: bUt it is very nice here, even if it is only a stylistic approximation of yoUr home.
56892	CALLIOPE: pity there are no trees thoUgh.
56893	CALLIOPE: i have never actUally seen one.
56894	JADE: you havent?
56895	CALLIOPE: come to think of it,
56896	CALLIOPE: i have never even seen a plant... u_u!
56897	JADE: :O
56898	CALLIOPE: plenty of meat thoUgh!
56899	CALLIOPE: meat was left for Us in great sUpply.
56900	CALLIOPE: candy too.
56901	CALLIOPE: bUt nary a plant for as far as the eye coUld see.
56902	JADE: that sounds terrible!
56903	JADE: when i was a kid i grew up with plants all around me
56904	JADE: but i was very lucky... i guess i took all the nice things about my life on this island for granted
56905	JADE: i even had my own garden where i grew flowers and vegetables and fruits and such
56906	JADE: that is all i ever ate, the things i grew myself
56907	CALLIOPE: ooh!
56908	JADE: but i will admit to having developed a taste for meat since becoming a dog <_<;
56909	CALLIOPE: meat is very good.
56910	CALLIOPE: for all the complaints i might have aboUt my childhood, near exclUsive sUbsistance Upon raw flesh is not one.
56911	CALLIOPE: bUt then, i am sUre that comes with the territory of being a monster. heh.
56912	JADE: :o
56913	CALLIOPE: i didn't mean to change the sUbject.
56914	CALLIOPE: please tell me aboUt yoUr garden!
56915	JADE: my grandpa set it up for me in the atrium
56916	JADE: i would spend hours tending to my plants and playing music for them
56917	JADE: it was one of the places where i was the happiest i can remember being
56918	JADE: i miss that garden
56919	CALLIOPE: what happened to it?
56920	JADE: it blew up
56921	JADE: and then i built my house waaaay up, on top of where it used to be
56922	JADE: in the years since that happened i thought about rebuilding it
56923	JADE: as a way to pass the time on my long lonely journey...
56924	JADE: but i was too depressed to grow anything
56925	CALLIOPE: hm, yes.
56926	CALLIOPE: i believe i can sympathize.
56927	JADE: what sort of place did you grow up in that didnt have plants?
56928	JADE: was it a desert?
56929	CALLIOPE: of sorts, yes.
56930	CALLIOPE: it was earth, actUally.
56931	JADE: ???
56932	CALLIOPE: my earth was mUch less hospitable toward life than yoUrs.
56933	CALLIOPE: i am sUre i was the only living thing left on the planet.
56934	JADE: that sounds lonely
56935	CALLIOPE: it was.
56936	JADE: but didnt you say meat was left for "us" earlier
56937	CALLIOPE: oh.
56938	JADE: was someone else there?
56939	CALLIOPE: yes.
56940	CALLIOPE: technically.
56941	CALLIOPE: bUt he was only there while i slept.
56942	JADE: who?
56943	CALLIOPE: my brother.
56944	JADE: oh!
56945	JADE: i had a brother too
56946	JADE: its funny we keep discovering ways that we are alike
56947	CALLIOPE: yes, bUt not so mUch in this way.
56948	CALLIOPE: for one thing, yoU and yoUr brother never detested each other, to my knowledge.
56949	CALLIOPE: also yoU and he spent most of yoUr lives apart.
56950	CALLIOPE: to yoU i'm sUre it seemed a crUelty to grow Up so divided.
56951	CALLIOPE: bUt to me that woUld have been a great liberty.
56952	JADE: this is where you and your brother lived?
56953	CALLIOPE: u_u
56954	JADE: callie...
56955	JADE: when you said you were a monster...
56956	JADE: what did you mean?
56957	JADE: were you just being hard on yourself...
56958	JADE: or did you mean that literally?
56959	CALLIOPE: no.
56960	CALLIOPE: i was being rather literal aboUt my trUe appearance.
56961	JADE: i see
56962	JADE: and your brother looks the same way too i take it?
56963	CALLIOPE: yes.
56964	CALLIOPE: we look identical, thoUgh he was sUrely more a monster than i.
56965	CALLIOPE: he still is.
56966	JADE: was this his tooth?
56967	CALLIOPE: yes.
56968	CALLIOPE: it was once mine as well, bUt that is a topic which woUld reqUire some elaboration.
56969	CALLIOPE: to tell yoU the trUth, i woUld rather not talk aboUt my brother. or anything from my past, really.
56970	CALLIOPE: dwelling on it for long makes me feel very anxioUs.
56971	JADE: thats ok, we dont have to talk about it
56972	JADE: its just
56973	JADE: seeing this tooth
56974	JADE: and listening to your voice...
56975	JADE: i think im finally starting to remember something
56976	CALLIOPE: oh?
56977	CALLIOPE: what do yoU remember?
56978	JADE: i remember
56979	JADE: you!
56980	CALLIOPE: me???
56981	JADE: yes
56982	JADE: im quite sure now that we met once before while i was asleep
56983	JADE: it was you, and yet...
56984	JADE: it wasnt
56985	CALLIOPE: do yoU mean to say yoU saw my trUe appearance?
56986	JADE: i think so
56987	CALLIOPE: egad.
56988	CALLIOPE: i hope i didn't frighten yoU.
56989	JADE: i was a little scared at first actually
56990	JADE: but it was not so much because of what you looked like
56991	CALLIOPE: :u
56992	JADE: your voice was the same
56993	JADE: and i can tell now that you are basically the same person she was
56994	JADE: yet...
56995	JADE: you seemed so different
56996	JADE: so much more
56997	JADE: serious
56998	JADE: also...
56999	JADE: you were a god tier!
57000	JADE: what do you think it means callie?
57001	JADE: if that was you... but not QUITE you... then who was it?
57002	CALLIOPE: that was a version of myself i coUld have become, bUt for whatever reason, did not.
57003	CALLIOPE: she is the one i am sUpposed to find.
57004	CALLIOPE: bUt it woUld seem yoU foUnd her first.
57005	JADE: i see
57006	JADE: an alternate universe version of yourself?
57007	CALLIOPE: yes.
57008	CALLIOPE: the version who was able to defeat my brother before he coUld commit his mayhem.
57009	JADE: that makes sense
57010	JADE: no wonder she was so...
57011	JADE: well
57012	JADE: no offense to her, but you are much friendlier :)
57013	CALLIOPE: i was that bad, was i?
57014	CALLIOPE: or, ahem. she?
57015	JADE: not really...
57016	JADE: it was not long at all before i could tell she was good
57017	JADE: actually, the more i think about it, the more im starting to remember about the encounter
57018	JADE: she had a lot to say
57019	CALLIOPE: what did she tell yoU?
57020	JADE: she mainly told me stories!
57021	CALLIOPE: :U
57022	JADE: she seemed to really like telling stories
57023	JADE: so i think your personality must have been in there somewhere :D
57024	CALLIOPE: yoU don't...
57025	CALLIOPE: by any chance...
57026	JADE: you want to know if i remember any?
57027	JADE: yes, its been coming back to me little by little
57028	JADE: i think i can retell some of them
57029	CALLIOPE: ^u^
57030	JADE: hey i have an idea
57031	JADE: why dont you help me?
57032	CALLIOPE: how?
57033	JADE: do you have anything to write on?
57034	JADE: a pad of paper or such?
57035	CALLIOPE: i think so. one moment.
57036	CALLIOPE: how's this?
57037	JADE: perfect!
57038	JADE: ok, i will write the words, and you can draw the pictures
57039	CALLIOPE: oh, what a good idea!
57040	JADE: yes
57041	JADE: ok where to begin
57042	JADE: if i recall...
57043	JADE: the first story was about how she defeated her brother
57044	JADE: but i dont remember much about that one
57045	JADE: and maybe you dont even want to hear a story that has to do with him?
57046	CALLIOPE: that woUld be the way in which she and i differ.
57047	CALLIOPE: in my story, it was the other way aroUnd.
57048	JADE: hmm
57049	JADE: that makes sense
57050	JADE: the rest of her stories i think were meant to account for the differences in the way her life went
57051	CALLIOPE: ooh. how interesting.
57052	CALLIOPE: now i am very cUrioUs!
57053	JADE: :)
57054	JADE: so she went on to tell another story
57055	JADE: not one about your brother
57056	JADE: but one about mine
57057	CALLIOPE: it already soUnds like a mUch more pleasant story.
57058	JADE: well
57059	JADE: not exactly...
57060	JADE: this is the story about how he died
57061	TEREZI: TH3 POW3RS YOU W3R3 T4LK1NG 4BOUT 34RL13R
57062	JOHN: huh???
57063	TEREZI: DO NOT HUH M3 3GB3RT
57064	TEREZI: YOU LOOK L1K3 4N 1D1OT, BUT W3 BOTH KNOW YOU 4R3 NO FOOL
57065	JOHN: hey!
57066	ROXY: i wouldnt argue w her john
57067	ROXY: shes all bloody and she clearly means business
57068	JOHN: er...
57069	JOHN: ok, you're right.
57070	JOHN: yes, terezi. i agree to the fact that i look like an idiot.
57071	JOHN: primarily because you seem badly wounded and angry.
57072	JOHN: are you sure you're ok?
57073	TEREZI: SHUT UP!!!
57074	TEREZI: ON ROS3'S R41NBOW C4NDY PL4N3T
57075	TEREZI: YOU 4PP34R3D 4ND S41D YOU H4D TH3 4B1L1TY TO CH4NG3 TH1NGS
57076	TEREZI: TO 4LT3R H1STORY W1THOUT DOOM1NG TH3 T1M3L1N3
57077	JOHN: oh.
57078	JOHN: yeah.
57079	JOHN: the thing with that is, um...
57080	JOHN: wait a minute.
57081	JOHN: terezi, are...
57082	JOHN: are those jade's shoes???
57083	TEREZI: M4YB3
57084	JOHN: maybe?????
57085	TEREZI: Y3S
57086	JOHN: yes as in yes??
57087	JOHN: or yes as in maybe?!
57088	TEREZI: Y3S 4S 1N M4YB3
57089	JOHN: terezi.
57090	JOHN: why are you wearing jade's shoes?
57091	JOHN: WHERE'S JADE?!
57092	TEREZI: J4D3'S D34D
57093	JOHN: aw, man.
57094	JOHN: not jade too.
57095	JOHN: are you sure?
57096	TEREZI: Y3S JOHN
57097	JOHN: you mean like DEAD dead?
57098	TEREZI: 3V3RYBODY'S D34D, JOHN
57099	JOHN: everybody??
57100	JOHN: even dave???!!!
57101	TEREZI: H3'S D34D, JOHN
57102	TEREZI: 3V3RYBODY'S D34D
57103	TEREZI: 3V3RYBODY 1S D34D, JOHN
57104	JOHN: so...
57105	JOHN: jade, dave, karkat... they're all...
57106	JOHN: EVEN THE CUTE MAYOR GUY WHO DAVE LOVES SO MUCH??????
57107	TEREZI: JOHN L3T'S NOT DO TH1S
57108	JOHN: dammit.
57109	JOHN: well, did you actually take jade's pulse?
57110	JOHN: you know, she does like to sleep a lot.
57111	TEREZI: 1 SN1FF3D BOTH H3R 4ND D4V3'S PO1GN4NTLY OV3RL4PP1NG TORSOS V3RY C4R3FULLY FOR 4 HUM4N PULS3
57112	TEREZI: 4L4S 1 FOUND NON3 >:[
57113	JOHN: oh.
57114	JOHN: and then...
57115	JOHN: you decided to take her shoes.
57116	TEREZI: Y3S
57117	JOHN: and you thought that was an appropriate thing to do...
57118	JOHN: why, exactly?
57119	TEREZI: JOHN, H3R SHO3S W3R3 R3D, SP4RKLY, 4ND D3L1C1OUS
57120	TEREZI: 1 4M ONLY FL3SH 4ND BLOOD
57121	JOHN: ugh, you are such a weirdo.
57122	JOHN: why are all troll girls so WEIRD?!
57123	JOHN: every single one i have met is some kind of depraved lunatic.
57124	JOHN: all the troll boys i have met are just lame weenies though.
57125	JOHN: well, except for karkat. karkat was great.
57126	JOHN: may he rest in peace :(
57127	TEREZI: DON'T FUCK1NG S4Y TH4T!!!
57128	JOHN: what?!
57129	TEREZI: H3 1S NOT D34D!
57130	JOHN: but, you just said...
57131	TEREZI: 1 M34N, H3 DO3SN'T H4V3 TO B3!
57132	TEREZI: 1 D1D NOT COM3 H3R3 TO B4TH3 1N TH3 R3PUGN4NT 4TT1TUD3 OF 4 D3F34T1ST DORK
57133	TEREZI: 1 C4M3 H3R3 TO FORC3 S41D DORK TO US3 H1S 1NCR3D1BL3 4ND TOT4LLY UNPR3C3D3NT3D POW3RS TO S3T 3V3RYTH1NG R1GHT, 3V3N 1F 1T M34NS ST4BB1NG H1M UNT1L H3 COMPL13S
57134	JOHN: ok! you don't need to stab me, really!
57135	JOHN: don't you think i WANT to?
57136	JOHN: we just lost everyone we cared about! of COURSE i want to go back and change things!
57137	JOHN: i just have no idea HOW!!!
57138	TEREZI: TH4T 1S NOT MY PROBL3M
57139	TEREZI: JUST 4S 4 L4CK OF STYL1SH G3MSTON3 STUDD3D FOOTW34R 1S 4LSO NOT MY PROBL3M, 4S OF PR3C1S3LY TOD4Y
57140	TEREZI: TH3S3 TH1NGS 4R3 YOUR PROBL3MS TO SOLV3
57141	TEREZI: BOTH TH3 P1T14BL3 L4CK OF COMM4ND OV3R YOUR Z4PPY PROW3SS, 4S W3LL 4S TH3 GROT3SQU3 P41R OF B4N4N4 LO4F3RS ON YOUR F33T
57142	JOHN: EARGH, I FRIGGIN' *HATE* TROLL GIRLS!
57143	ROXY: john
57144	JOHN: what?
57145	ROXY: have you ever seen your denizen?
57146	JOHN: no.
57147	JOHN: well... i almost did once.
57148	ROXY: what happened
57149	JOHN: i was tricked into going to see him early.
57150	JOHN: by a blind prankstress who shall remain nameless.
57151	TEREZI: >:\
57152	JOHN: but at the last minute, i was talked out of it by a pal from the future.
57153	JOHN: i wasn't ready to see him yet.
57154	JOHN: i would have died if i did.
57155	ROXY: k
57156	ROXY: but like
57157	ROXY: what if u are now
57158	JOHN: what if i'm what?
57159	ROXY: ready
57160	ROXY: i mean
57161	ROXY: if nows not the right time
57162	ROXY: then when even would be
57163	JOHN: i guess you have a point.
57164	JOHN: would that...
57165	JOHN: actually accomplish anything though?
57166	ROXY: dunno man im just spitballin here
57167	ROXY: they are supposed to be these ginormous monsters that you either fight...
57168	ROXY: or you listen to their riddles and they help solve all ur problems or something
57169	ROXY: arent they?
57170	JOHN: uh.
57171	JOHN: more or less?
57172	JOHN: i think their purpose is a bit more mysterious than that, and i guess more, like... majestic?
57173	ROXY: majestic???
57174	JOHN: i don't know!
57175	JOHN: i'm probably not the best guy to ask about denizens. jade met hers, but she's...
57176	JOHN: a sprite could explain it better than me. didn't you ever talk to your sprite about them?
57177	ROXY: nah
57178	ROXY: me and fefeta never talked much about that stuff
57179	ROXY: we mainly traded lame puns n talked about our shitty love lives
57180	JOHN: you did?
57181	JOHN: wow, what kind of sprite did you even have??
57182	ROXY: :(
57183	JOHN: er, never mind.
57184	JOHN: i did not mean to touch upon yet another sad subject.
57185	JOHN: anyway, maybe you're right, and my denizen could help me with these problems.
57186	JOHN: but at the same time...
57187	JOHN: there are SO MANY problems!
57188	JOHN: even if i learned to control my powers better, we would STILL have to deal with all this glitchy bullshit!
57189	JOHN: i could zap around and fix everything, but if it's all still garbled, how would i even know it was fixed?!
57190	JOHN: maybe you were right, roxy.
57191	JOHN: what if it's all too much to overcome this time, even for typheus?
57192	TEREZI: 1 H4V3 H34RD 3NOUGH!
57193	TEREZI: JOHN, YOU H4V3 SL4ND3R3D OUR TROLL M4L3S 4S W33N13S
57194	TEREZI: 4ND WH1L3 1 COULD NOT POSS1BLY D1SPUT3 TH1S CH4R4CT3R1Z4T1ON
57195	TEREZI: TOD4Y 1 L1ST3N TO 3XCUS3S FROM NON3 OTH3R TH4N TH3 SUPR3M3 W33N13 H1MS3LF!
57196	JOHN: :O
57197	TEREZI: YOU W1LL GO S33 YOUR D3N1Z3N 4T ONC3
57198	TEREZI: 4SK H1M TO H3LP YOU UND3RST4ND YOUR POW3RS, 4ND 4CC3PT WH4T3V3R PR1C3 H3 D3M4NDS
57199	TEREZI: TH1S 1S NOT N3GOT14BL3!
57200	JOHN: god, alright!
57201	JOHN: i was going to agree to go see him anyway!
57202	JOHN: can't a guy just think out loud a bit before making a big decision?
57203	TEREZI: NO
57204	JOHN: wow, ok.
57205	JOHN: my bad i guess???
57206	TEREZI: Y3S
57207	TEREZI: STOP TH1NK1NG, YOU H4V3 4LW4YS B33N T3RR1BL3 4T 1T
57208	TEREZI: L34V3 TH3 M1ND WORK TO M3
57209	JOHN: fine, then i guess it's settled.
57210	JOHN: i will go to lowas and see my denizen.
57211	JOHN: but what will you guys do?
57212	TEREZI: PROB4BLY NOTH1NG
57213	JOHN: nothing?
57214	TEREZI: 1F YOU 4R3 SUCC3SSFUL
57215	TEREZI: TH3N W3 W1LL STOP 3X1ST1NG
57216	TEREZI: 1 DOUBT 1T W1LL B3 L1K3 H4V1NG TO L1V3 TH3 R3ST OF OUR L1V3S 1N 4 DOOM3D T1M3L1N3
57217	TEREZI: T3CHN1C4LLY TH4T 1S WH4T W3 4R3 DO1NG R1GHT NOW
57218	TEREZI: 1 PR3SUM3 TH4T S1NC3 YOU H4V3 B33N 3NDOW3D W1TH TH3 4B1L1TY TO R3WR1T3 C4US4L1TY, NOT UNL1K3 TH3 M3CH4N1SM B3H1ND TH3 SCR4TCH
57219	TEREZI: 3V3RYTH1NG 4S 1T 1S NOW W1LL S1MPLY C34S3 TO B3
57220	JOHN: oh.
57221	JOHN: ...
57222	TEREZI: WH4T?
57223	JOHN: i mean, even though everything in this timeline is about as shitty as it gets...
57224	JOHN: that still seems kinda sad.
57225	ROXY: yeah
57226	ROXY: i think them is just the breaks dude
57227	JOHN: i guess so.
57228	JOHN: what do you think you will do with the time you have left?
57229	ROXY: ummmm
57230	ROXY: idk shit around all melancholy for a spell
57231	ROXY: question my life choices
57232	ROXY: probly bury my mom somewhere in the desert
57233	ROXY: give her a quick funeral
57234	ROXY: says goodbye to her an everything else
57235	ROXY: and then
57236	ROXY: curl up into a ball
57237	ROXY: and wait to unexist?
57238	JOHN: holy shit that's the saddest thing i've ever heard!
57239	JOHN: argh, why'd you even have to tell me that!
57240	ROXY: hey u asked
57241	JOHN: no, that sucks!
57242	JOHN: don't do that.
57243	ROXY: meh why not
57244	JOHN: because it's stupid plan for crappy idiots.
57245	ROXY: j f C what a burn
57246	ROXY: i think i might cease to exist just from that burn
57247	JOHN: yes, laugh at my truly sick burn if you must, but everyone's getting on my case for being so defeatist, and THAT'S the best plan you can come up with?
57248	ROXY: i didnt get on your case for being defeatist tho
57249	ROXY: i was actin tons more defeatist than u on account of the emotions from my moms tragic corpse
57250	ROXY: the trolls been the one bustin your windsock remember
57251	TEREZI: 1T'S TRU3
57252	TEREZI: 1 H4V3 B33N DO1NG TH4T
57253	JOHN: yeah, i just think...
57254	JOHN: no matter who's going to stop existing when, if i do something proactive, then you should too!
57255	JOHN: even if only on principle.
57256	ROXY: .....
57257	ROXY: such as?
57258	JOHN: why don't you go see your denizen too?
57259	ROXY: wat
57260	JOHN: that's your denizen there, isn't it?
57261	ROXY: no thats a statue
57262	JOHN: yes, i know it's a statue.
57263	JOHN: i mean, it is a depiction of her, right?
57264	ROXY: oh
57265	ROXY: yeh
57266	JOHN: so if i'm going to see mine, why don't you go see yours too?
57267	ROXY: go see nix...
57268	ROXY: why
57269	JOHN: why not!
57270	ROXY: cause im not the hero with the magic "fix literally everything" powers that need masterin
57271	JOHN: no, but you still have things to learn, don't you?
57272	JOHN: did you ever make that spike ball?
57273	ROXY: um no
57274	ROXY: but what would even be the point of that anymore
57275	JOHN: i dunno.
57276	JOHN: it's just a thing you were going to set your mind to, but haven't done yet.
57277	JOHN: just like i said i was going to get that magic ring so you can give it to your friend. remember that?
57278	ROXY: yeah
57279	JOHN: i haven't done that yet either.
57280	JOHN: but that doesn't mean i have to give up on that idea.
57281	JOHN: what if, after i see my denizen...
57282	JOHN: what if i could still do that?
57283	ROXY: ...
57284	JOHN: i'm just saying, you have no idea what there is to learn from her.
57285	JOHN: maybe finding out what there is to learn is most of what there is to learn?
57286	JOHN: what if making alien spike balls is only the beginning of understanding your powers?
57287	JOHN: what if she can help you channel some sort of incredible... voidey thing?
57288	ROXY: voidy thing
57289	JOHN: yes, like a windy thing, but with void instead of wind.
57290	ROXY: whats a windy thing
57291	JOHN: a windy thing is obviously a bunch of damn wind blowing around!
57292	ROXY: soo
57293	ROXY: ur saying she can teach me to make void blow around
57294	JOHN: no!
57295	JOHN: i didn't mean it that literally.
57296	JOHN: i mean, maybe something more abstract? like, i dunno...
57297	JOHN: learn to phase out of reality, and somehow preserve yourself in the void, even if i alter history...
57298	JOHN: so that maybe when the time is right, you can just... pop back into reality?
57299	ROXY: wow
57300	ROXY: u rly think she can tell me how to do that
57301	JOHN: i have no idea!
57302	JOHN: i'm just saying...
57303	JOHN: who knows?
57304	ROXY: not to be a wet windsock john but that sounds far fetched as heck
57305	JOHN: ok, yes, probably.
57306	JOHN: it just feels shitty leaving you here to have a sad funeral, and then stop existing.
57307	ROXY: sometimes john
57308	ROXY: u just gotta throw a sad funeral for ur dead teen mom and then stop existing
57309	ROXY: LE SHRUG
57310	JOHN: le shrug my LA BUTT!
57311	JOHN: i'm not going to see my denizen unless you agree to see yours.
57312	JOHN: that is the deal, and that's final.
57313	ROXY: daaamn son
57314	ROXY: as in, damn, LITERAL offspring of some peeps i kno
57315	ROXY: shit be strict
57316	TEREZI: 4L1V3 L4LOND3, JUST DO WH4T H3 S4YS
57317	TEREZI: PO1NTL3SS OBST1N4CY 1S 4 SH4R3D F4M1L14L TR41T WH1CH 1S MOST UNW3LCOM3 4T TH1S T1M3
57318	ROXY: ok fiiine
57319	ROXY: ima go see some big ass goddess of the night if itll make u get this show on the stinkin road aready!
57320	JOHN: thank you.
57321	JOHN: that is all i ask.
57322	ROXY: so uh
57323	ROXY: now?
57324	JOHN: i...
57325	JOHN: hmm.
57326	JOHN: i guess?
57327	ROXY: hmm
57328	ROXY: like this exact actual second then
57329	JOHN: um.
57330	JOHN: i don't know.
57331	JOHN: probably?
57332	ROXY: alright
57333	ROXY: i guess we should like
57334	ROXY: go then
57335	JOHN: yeah.
57336	JOHN: no time like the present, right?
57337	ROXY: right
57338	JOHN: then, um.
57339	JOHN: so hey.
57340	JOHN: if this works, and i somehow erase you from history...
57341	JOHN: i mean, this version of you...
57342	ROXY: haha
57343	ROXY: yeah
57344	ROXY: if that happens then uh
57345	JOHN: it was nice to meet you... ?
57346	TEREZI: TH1S 1S FUCK1NG BRUT4L
57347	ROXY: :?
57348	TEREZI: 1 4M NOT 4BOUT TO SP3ND MY F1N4L MOM3NTS SLOWLY BL33D1NG TO D34TH WH1L3 TWO HUM4N DORKS OBL1V1OUS TO TH31R OWN P41NFULLY 3V1D3NT ROM4NT1C T3NS1ON FUMBL3 THROUGH 4 DR4WN OUT S3R13S OF 4WKW4RD GOODBY3S
57349	TEREZI: D1DN'T YOU JUST M33T, L1K3 TOD4Y??
57350	JOHN: y..... um...
57351	ROXY: um.... y....
57352	TEREZI: J3GUS, SOM3ON3 FLOG M3 W1TH 4NOTH3R SH1TTY CLOWN, 1 C4N'T T4K3 ON3 MOR3 M1NUT3 W1TH YOU 4DOR4BL3 DW33BS
57353	TEREZI: YOU C4UGHT M3 4T TH3 B444D T1M3, 3GB3RT 4ND L4LOND3. 4NY OTH3R D4Y 1 WOULD B3 T34S1NG YOU 4BOUT TH1S 1N 4 PL4YFUL 4TT3MPT TO M4K3 YOU BOTH UNCOMFORT4BL3, WH1L3 G1GGL1NG M4N14C4LLY
57354	TEREZI: BUT LOOK 4T M3
57355	TEREZI: 1 S41D LOOK 4T M3
57356	TEREZI: DO3S TH1S STR1K3 YOU 4S 4 F4C3 WH1CH 1S PR3P4R3D TO G1GGL3 M4N14C4LLY???
57357	ROXY: ._.
57358	TEREZI: 1 4M D3CL4R1NG TH1S M33T1NG OF TR4G1C Y3T 4DOR4BL3 FUCKUPS COMPL3T3LY 4ND UTT3RLY 4DJOURN3D
57359	TEREZI: NOW S4Y GOODBY3
57360	TEREZI: Y3S TH3R3 YOU GO, JUST L1K3 TH4T
57361	TEREZI: H3Y
57362	TEREZI: WH4T, YOU'R3 JUST GO1NG TO W4LK 4W4Y?
57363	TEREZI: HOW 4BOUT 4 HUG
57364	TEREZI: Y3S, TH3 TH1NG YOU DO W1TH YOUR 4RMS
57365	TEREZI: NO, NOT M3! DON'T TOUCH M3
57366	TEREZI: W1TH 34CH OTH3R
57367	TEREZI: OK, JUST 4 L1TTL3 CLOS3R, 4ND...
57368	TEREZI: TH3R3 YOU GO!
57369	TEREZI: TH1S 1SN'T BL4STOFF R3S34RCH, P3OPL3
57370	TEREZI: 4LR1GHT, 1 TH1NK TH4T'S GO1NG TO DO 1T
57371	TEREZI: TH3 GOODBY3 H4S B33N S3CUR3D
57372	TEREZI: 1 M34N R34LLY
57373	TEREZI: HOW DO YOU 3V3N FUNCT1ON ON 4 D4Y TO D4Y B4S1S W1THOUT M3
57374	TEREZI: HOW DO3S 4NYBODY?
57375	TEREZI: HMM
57376	TEREZI: M4YB3 TH3Y D1DN'T?
57377	TEREZI: 1 GU3SS TH4T 3XPL41NS TH3 M3SS W3'R3 1N. FUCK1NG 3UR3K4!
57378	ROXY: lmao
57379	ROXY: scarf troll ur p funny
57380	ROXY: hope i meet ya again
57381	ROXY: or at least some version of myself meets some version of urself
57382	ROXY: whew wat an abstract wish! fantasy wishgiver dreamchrist dont even kno what that meant enough to make it happen or not
57383	ROXY: he and his loyal entourage of religion-wizerds just shruggin @ eachother
57384	ROXY: um k so
57385	ROXY: good luck fixin all the shit john
57386	ROXY: anyway im out
57387	ROXY: phasin down to the core o this sucker 4 denizen timez
57388	ROXY: later dudes
57389	ROXY: *poof!*
57390	JOHN: bye!!!
57391	JOHN: heh, she didn't hear me. she was already under ground.
57392	JOHN: but yeah, i guess i will get going too.
57393	JOHN: thanks for the weird, angry pep talk, terezi! see you.
57394	TEREZI: 3GB3RT, WH3R3 TH3 H3LL DO YOU TH1NK YOU'R3 GO1NG
57395	JOHN: but you just said...
57396	TEREZI: G3T B4CK H3R3!!!
57397	JOHN: ok! dang.
57398	JOHN: what is it?
57399	TEREZI: DON'T YOU TH1NK W3 SHOULD GO OV3R TH3 4CTU4L PL4N F1RST?
57400	JOHN: er.
57401	JOHN: i thought we just did that?
57402	JOHN: i'm going to see typheus.
57403	TEREZI: NO YOU N1TW1T
57404	TEREZI: 1 M34N WH4T YOU'R3 GO1NG TO DO 1F YOU SUCC3SSFULLY L34RN TO CONTROL YOUR POW3RS
57405	JOHN: oh yeah.
57406	JOHN: heh. good point.
57407	TEREZI: SO WH4T 1S YOUR PL4N
57408	JOHN: i don't have one.
57409	JOHN: i mean, other than to go talk to a monster who i presume to be a giant snake, and see what happens.
57410	JOHN: do you have any ideas?
57411	TEREZI: HMM
57412	JOHN: what do you think i should change, terezi?
57413	TEREZI: 1 DON'T KNOW
57414	TEREZI: 1 R34LLY SHOULD KNOW
57415	TEREZI: BUT
57416	TEREZI: 1 DON'T >:[
57417	JOHN: why do you think you should know?
57418	TEREZI: B3C4US3 1 4M 4 S33R OF M1ND!
57419	TEREZI: 1T 1S MY JOB TO KNOW SUCH TH1NGS
57420	TEREZI: 1 4M SUPPOS3D TO FOR3S33 OUTCOM3S OF C3RT41N 4CT1ONS, 4ND GU1D3 MY FR13NDS TO V1CTORY
57421	TEREZI: BUT 1'V3 N3V3R B33N V3RY GOOD 4T US1NG MY POW3RS
57422	TEREZI: LOOK 4T WH3R3 TH3Y'V3 L3D M3!!!
57423	TEREZI: 1 LOST 4LL F41TH 1N MY 4B1L1T13S LONG 4GO
57424	TEREZI: SORRY JOHN
57425	TEREZI: 1'M NOT SUR3 1 C4N H3LP YOU
57426	JOHN: can't you at least try?
57427	TEREZI: TRY WH4T, 3X4CTLY?
57428	JOHN: anything!
57429	JOHN: like, put your hands on your head, like psychics do, and just...
57430	JOHN: i dunno! try anything at all that might help me figure out what to do.
57431	JOHN: i just don't want to be zapping around time and space at random, with no rhyme or reason to what i'm trying to fix!
57432	JOHN: please terezi, just try.
57433	JOHN: i need your help.
57434	TEREZI: OK
57435	TEREZI: 1 W1LL TRY SOM3TH1NG
57436	JOHN: cool!
57437	TEREZI: 1 H4V3 NO 1D34 1F TH1S W1LL WORK
57438	TEREZI: OR 1F TH3R3 1S 3V3N 4NY TH3OR3T1C4L B4S1S FOR 1T WORK1NG
57439	TEREZI: BUT 1'LL N33D YOU TO DO SOM3TH1NG
57440	TEREZI: TO H3LP M3 TRY 1T
57441	JOHN: ok.
57442	JOHN: what?
57443	TEREZI: TRY TO HOLD 4 C3RT41N THOUGHT 1N YOUR M1ND
57444	TEREZI: 4S CL34RLY 4ND ST34D1LY 4S YOU C4N
57445	TEREZI: 4ND T3LL M3 WH4T 1T 1S
57446	JOHN: a thought?
57447	JOHN: like...
57448	JOHN: what kind of thought?
57449	TEREZI: 1 DON'T KNOW
57450	TEREZI: SOM3 1D34
57451	TEREZI: 4N 1M4G3
57452	TEREZI: OR M4YB3...
57453	TEREZI: 4 PHR4S3?
57454	TEREZI: TH4T M1GHT B3 S1MPL3R
57455	JOHN: sure.
57456	JOHN: what kind of phrase?
57457	TEREZI: 4NY PHR4S3
57458	TEREZI: 4S LONG 4S YOU'R3 SUR3 YOU'LL B3 4BL3 TO R3M3MB3R 1T CL34RLY L4T3R ON
57459	JOHN: hmm.
57460	JOHN: hmmmm.
57461	JOHN: hmmmmmmm.
57462	JOHN: ok, i got one!
57463	TEREZI: GOOD
57464	TEREZI: T3LL M3
57465	JOHN: there's no place like home.
57466	TEREZI: OK
57467	TEREZI: 1 TH1NK 1 C4N WORK W1TH TH4T
57468	TEREZI: NOW B3 SUR3 YOU R3M3MB3R 1T
57469	JOHN: i will.
57470	TEREZI: 4LR1GHT, ST4ND B4CK
57471	TEREZI: L3T'S G1V3 TH1S 4 SHOT
57472	JOHN: what happened?
57473	JOHN: did it work?
57474	TEREZI: NO
57475	TEREZI: 1T D1D NOT
57476	JOHN: well...
57477	JOHN: damn.
57478	JOHN: it was worth a shot, i guess.
57479	TEREZI: 1'M SORRY
57480	TEREZI: 1 C4N'T H3LP YOU
57481	TEREZI: 1 C4N'T H3LP 4NYON3
57482	TEREZI: YOU'D B3TT3R GO
57483	JOHN: but what will you do?
57484	TEREZI: 1 W1LL PROB4BLY JUST BL33D TO D34TH 1N TH1S D3S3RT
57485	TEREZI: 4LON3 4ND 1RR3L3V4NT
57486	JOHN: that's so shitty though!
57487	JOHN: what if you...
57488	TEREZI: STOP!!!
57489	TEREZI: JUST STOP
57490	TEREZI: TH3R3'S NOTH1NG MOR3 FOR M3 TO DO
57491	TEREZI: 1 DON'T 3V3N H4V3 4 D3N1Z3N TO GO V1S1T
57492	TEREZI: MY FR13NDS 4R3 D34D, 4ND 1 W4ST3D MY L1F3
57493	TEREZI: 1T 1S OV3R FOR M3
57494	TEREZI: 4ND YOU 4R3 TH3 ONLY HOP3 W3 H4V3 L3FT
57495	TEREZI: SO G3T OUT OF H3R3
57496	JOHN: i guess you're right.
57497	JOHN: ok, off i go then.
57498	JOHN: if i master my powers, i guess... i'll figure something out?
57499	JOHN: don't worry terezi.
57500	JOHN: i'll make sure none of this ever happens.
57501	JADE: im starting to remember the things she told me so vividly now
57502	JADE: its amazing what a creative project can do to get your mind turning
57503	CALLIOPE: ^u^
57504	CALLIOPE: what shall i draw first?
57505	JADE: the land of wind and shade!
57506	JADE: that is where the story starts
57507	CALLIOPE: i see.
57508	CALLIOPE: which story, exactly?
57509	CALLIOPE: her story, or yoUrs?
57510	JADE: hmmm
57511	JADE: both, as a matter of fact
57512	JADE: my story began with a tragedy on lowas, which led to meeting her in the first place
57513	JADE: and then, she used my memory of that tragedy as a starting point for her story, which turned out to be related
57514	CALLIOPE: ooh, fascinating!
57515	CALLIOPE: (i love stories)
57516	JADE: (i know)
57517	JADE: ill start with mine, since that will make everything else make sense
57518	JADE: so go ahead and start drawing
57519	CALLIOPE: what?
57520	JADE: lowas!!
57521	CALLIOPE: right!
57522	CALLIOPE: how's this?
57523	JADE: looks good!
57524	JADE: dont forget to put a really tall house poking out of the top
57525	CALLIOPE: oh yes, of coUrse.
57526	CALLIOPE: so yoU say yoUr story begins with a tragedy?
57527	CALLIOPE: what shall i draw next to depict this tragedy?
57528	JADE: nothing yet... ill get to that!
57529	JADE: but yes, the tragedy is why i was alone on the golden ship
57530	JADE: it was not long after our three year journey began
57531	JADE: i was relaxing in our makeshift livingroom, giving john and davesprite some space to themselves for a while so they could catch up
57532	JADE: john wanted to visit his home again
57533	JADE: so i happily obliged and shrunk them both down so they could hang out in his tiny tall house
57534	JADE: it seemed like the nice thing to do...
57535	JADE: but i came to regret that decision more than any ive ever made
57536	JADE: i was minding my own business when out of nowhere...
57537	JADE: lowas exploded!!!
57538	JADE: i couldnt believe it
57539	JADE: it was totally inexplicable
57540	JADE: there was no trace of them at all... they were both dead
57541	JADE: i supposed it must have meant johns death was heroic... but i couldnt for the life of me imagine how
57542	JADE: to me it was as pointless and arbitrary as a death could be
57543	JADE: i looked within myself as hard as i could to see if there was some power i had, in all my omnipotence, to bring them back
57544	JADE: but i couldnt
57545	JADE: they were gone
57546	JADE: i would spend the next three years on that ship without my two best friends
57547	JADE: sure, there were still consorts and chess guys to keep me company
57548	JADE: but the loss was too much for me to bear
57549	JADE: i felt so alone
57550	JADE: weeks and months went by...
57551	JADE: i didnt have the slightest sense of how quickly or slowly time was passing
57552	JADE: any sense of purpose to reaching the destination had vanished, and delicious though it was, no amount of nannas cake would bring me comfort
57553	JADE: toward the end of the journey, when i feeling particularly despondent...
57554	JADE: i fell asleep and had a dream
57555	JADE: and that is when i met a very powerful, strangely charismatic creature...
57556	JADE: her name was calliope ;)
57557	JADE: as i said, she was somewhat like you, and yet so unalike
57558	JADE: her presence was so serious and grave
57559	JADE: her hollow eyes were piercing... but not hostile
57560	JADE: but the prevailing sense i got from her was one of loneliness
57561	JADE: before she even said a word, i could feel it somehow, that this was a deeply lonely soul
57562	JADE: until i met her, i thought i was the loneliest person in the universe
57563	JADE: but a feeling told me she had been here by herself for a long long time
57564	JADE: i felt sorry for her
57565	JADE: and relating to her plight helped me overcome the feelings of intimidation
57566	JADE: so we began to talk
57567	JADE: we traded stories about ourselves
57568	JADE: she spoke of the brother she killed
57569	JADE: i spoke of the brother i lost
57570	JADE: and when i mentioned johns death
57571	JADE: that is when she became very serious again
57572	JADE: she began to recount how john had died, repeating to me the same story i just told you
57573	JADE: she described the spontaneous destruction of lowas which left me alone for years
57574	JADE: i wondered why she was recounting this tragedy that happened to me, and for that matter how she knew of it herself
57575	JADE: she went on to say that lowas was destroyed because johns denizen had suddenly woken up
57576	JADE: typheus, a great monster of truly terrifying power
57577	JADE: she said he had destroyed his land and slayed his own heir of breath not out of malice, but to make a slight correction
57578	JADE: i asked her...
57579	JADE: what do you mean, "correction"?
57580	JADE: she said that the john from my reality, and his entire planet, needed to be erased
57581	JADE: and that the slumbering denizen in all his mysterious wisdom knew this
57582	JADE: she told me that the dreams of a denizen draw from the same well of potential from which every conceivable possibility arises
57583	JADE: the same place skaia gets its power from
57584	JADE: so if an agreement with a denizen is reached in one reality, that same denizen in another reality could become aware of it, and respond accordingly
57585	JADE: it seems that john, somewhere, in some other plane of existence, had made just such an agreement
57586	JADE: she said that the john i knew, like herself, was only one version of a person
57587	JADE: there was a different version of john from another reality poised to play a more significant role
57588	JADE: you see, the john from that reality in an act of desperation had gone to see typheus, and struck a bargain with him
57589	JADE: she would go on to explain the nature of that bargain in the next part of her story
57590	JADE: but from my perspective, the consequence of this bargain was to lose my friends, and to live with that for years without understanding why
57591	JADE: losing them still hurt, but i was so relieved to at least understand the reason, and to realize their senseless deaths were actually serving a bigger purpose
57592	JADE: i thanked her for letting me know
57593	JADE: she told me she was not human, and had no frame of reference for empathizing with my feelings
57594	JADE: but if there was one thing she could relate to, it was the feeling of being alone
57595	JADE: the feeling of waiting for what seems like eternity by yourself, until finally your purpose presents itself
57596	CALLIOPE: ...
57597	JADE: ....
57598	CALLIOPE: i feel sorry for her.
57599	CALLIOPE: er, for myself, i suppose. but then again, that feeling is nothing new.
57600	JADE: heh
57601	CALLIOPE: it's an odd statement she made, thoUgh.
57602	JADE: what?
57603	CALLIOPE: not having the frame of reference for empathizing with hUman feelings.
57604	CALLIOPE: if yoU asked me, i woUld say i have the vantage to relate to both hUmans and cherUbs, so when yoU describe yoUr feelings of sadness over losing friends, i'd have more than enoUgh groUnds for commiseration.
57605	CALLIOPE: do you think that this version of me never...
57606	JADE: never what?
57607	CALLIOPE: never had hUman friends like i did?
57608	JADE: i have no idea
57609	CALLIOPE: what a strange thoUght.
57610	CALLIOPE: to grow Up with only my brother for "company"...
57611	CALLIOPE: and not even have my hUman friends to get me by.
57612	CALLIOPE: what a dreadfUl fate. the poor thing.
57613	CALLIOPE: maybe that was the difference?
57614	CALLIOPE: what let her predominate over her brother, whereas i was too, erm...
57615	CALLIOPE: "hUmanly socialized" to sUcceed in my cherUbic rite of passage?
57616	JADE: could be!
57617	JADE: i dont know enough about cherub rites of passage to say either way
57618	JADE: human rites of passage either, for that matter
57619	CALLIOPE: so then what happened!
57620	JADE: right! anyway...
57621	JADE: thats when she began her story in earnest
57622	JADE: the one she summoned me in my dreams to tell me
57623	JADE: the story of the other john who made a deal with typheus
57624	JADE: it began with the same place mine did
57625	JADE: lowas
57626	JADE: ...
57627	JADE: so, go on
57628	CALLIOPE: what?
57629	JADE: draw lowas again!
57630	CALLIOPE: oh!!
57631	CALLIOPE: wait.
57632	CALLIOPE: all over again?
57633	JADE: ummmmmm
57634	JADE: no, you can just copy the first one you did :)
57635	CALLIOPE: what a lovely idea.
57636	CALLIOPE: i'd hate to hold Up the pace of yoUr exciting tale with a bUnch of sUperflUoUs doodling.
57637	CALLIOPE: good enoUgh?
57638	JADE: yes, but...
57639	JADE: there are also supposed to be glitches around
57640	CALLIOPE: glitches?
57641	CALLIOPE: what do yoU mean by glitches?
57642	JADE: like computery glitches i think
57643	CALLIOPE: that soUnds hard to draw.
57644	JADE: ok why dont we not worry about showing the glitches for this story
57645	JADE: they would just make it harder to see whats going on...
57646	JADE: which is probably the point now that i think about it?
57647	CALLIOPE: the point?
57648	CALLIOPE: of what?
57649	JADE: i never thought much about it
57650	JADE: it just seemed like a weird detail she mentioned
57651	JADE: but i guess it was some strange form of corruption in their session that made everything harder to understand
57652	CALLIOPE: where did the corrUption come from?
57653	JADE: no idea!
57654	JADE: i guess it was just one more way everything got messed up for them
57655	JADE: like, just another surreal obstacle for a hero to overcome?
57656	JADE: oh, that reminds me
57657	JADE: you need to draw john there as well!
57658	CALLIOPE: right-o.
57659	CALLIOPE: there yoU go.
57660	CALLIOPE: one hero.
57661	CALLIOPE: sans sUrreal obstacles!
57662	JADE: :)
57663	JADE: when she mentioned that i didnt give it a second thought
57664	JADE: but now that i am trying to reconstruct everything and tell you what to draw...
57665	JADE: hmm
57666	CALLIOPE: hm?
57667	JADE: i guess when youre trying to tell a story it forces you to think a lot more about everything than when youre just listening to one
57668	CALLIOPE: tis qUite trUe.
57669	CALLIOPE: perhaps yoU shoUld start writing?
57670	CALLIOPE: how did she begin?
57671	JADE: let me think...
57672	JADE: hmm, maybe we should pause before i go on?
57673	CALLIOPE: paUse??
57674	JADE: like
57675	JADE: some sort of intermission
57676	JADE: so i can collect my thoughts a bit, and to give the audience a little breather between two significant arcs
57677	JADE: we were at it for a pretty good while there, after all
57678	CALLIOPE: what... aUdience?
57679	JADE: well, that would be you in this case
57680	JADE: ooh i know!
57681	JADE: i can doodle a quick story about the antics of the silly consorts on the golden ship before moving on
57682	CALLIOPE: >:U
57683	JADE: one of the things i did to pass the time on the ship was give them funny names
57684	JADE: lets meet our cast of characters for this intermission shall we?
57685	CALLIOPE: ...
57686	JADE: lets see, there waaaas
57687	JADE: bubbleupagus
57688	JADE: thips ahoy
57689	JADE: nak be nimble
57690	JADE: slowpoke malone
57691	CALLIOPE: jade.
57692	JADE: detective glubsbudget
57693	JADE: fidgety herbert
57694	JADE: doctor snausages
57695	JADE: yiffyiff
57696	CALLIOPE: JADE!
57697	JADE: huh?
57698	CALLIOPE: I'M SORRY BUT I DON'T CARE ABOUT THIS RIGHT NOW!
57699	CALLIOPE: YOUR CONSORT FRIENDS ARE SO VERY CUTE AND THEIR NAMES ARE SILLY AND I LOVE THEM ALL BUT I WANT TO HEAR THE REST OF THE STORY!
57700	CALLIOPE: PLEASE LET'S GO BACK TO ILLUSTRATING HER STORY, I'M SO CURIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!
57701	CALLIOPE: PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!
57702	JADE: wow, ok sorry!!!!!
57703	JADE: yes youre right this is a stupid diversion... lets continue
57704	JADE: um callie...
57705	JADE: your hand :o
57706	CALLIOPE: oops. :u
57707	CALLIOPE: ahem. pay no attention to that.
57708	CALLIOPE: do carry on.
57709	JADE: so... anyway
57710	JADE: like i said, she just finished telling me that she was able to beat her brother in this reality
57711	JADE: but apparently, that wasnt supposed to happen?
57712	JADE: so she lived out the rest of her life in a doomed timeline and eventually died
57713	JADE: she didnt mention how
57714	JADE: and then...
57715	JADE: and then she did this kinda fancy transition
57716	JADE: darn, i dont think ill do it justice
57717	JADE: a transition to a story about MY brother... who was stuck in a doomed timeline too
57718	JADE: i think ill mess it up if i try to match what she said word for word
57719	JADE: she had a really fanciful way of putting things
57720	CALLIOPE: there's no need to try to recite what she said.
57721	CALLIOPE: jUst tell the story in yoUr own voice, as yoU have already been doing!
57722	CALLIOPE: it will be more fUn that way.
57723	JADE: ok
57724	JADE: so the bottom line was
57725	JADE: almost all our friends had died
57726	JADE: and johns only hope was to return to his planet, and attempt to complete his personal quest
57727	JADE: as you know, we all have personal quests that are unique to our planets
57728	JADE: the nature of the quest is never easy to understand at first
57729	JADE: they are presented to us through enigmatic riddles conveyed through the lore of the land
57730	JADE: for john it was to journey to the place where "constellations danced beneath the clouds"
57731	JADE: it was said the heir of breath was to free the stars from the shade and release them into heaven
57732	JADE: this was just a mysterious way of saying what he REALLY had to do
57733	JADE: the stars were actually fireflies
57734	JADE: theyd been flying around trapped beneath the overcast sky ever since john first brought lowas into existence by his arrival
57735	JADE: and paradoxically, theyd been imprisoned there for ages even before that
57736	JADE: such is the way of our lands
57737	JADE: they are newly born the day we arrive...
57738	JADE: and yet they always were
57739	JADE: to free the fireflies john would have to play a special song
57740	JADE: it had to be played just right to summon the breeze through the pipes
57741	JADE: but there was a problem...
57742	JADE: the pipes were all clogged with oil!
57743	JADE: the first day john came to his land, oil began oozing up from the core, flooding the pipes and filling the oceans
57744	JADE: to play the song, first he would need to clean up the oil
57745	JADE: and to do that, he would need to face the slumbering one himself
57746	JADE: he would need to face typheus
57747	JADE: but as he wandered through the catacombs down to the planets core
57748	JADE: he wasnt thinking about freeing fireflies or cleaning up oil
57749	JADE: he was seeking the help of his denizen to master a power he couldnt control
57750	JADE: luckily for him, denizens always seem to understand what you want
57751	JADE: and more importantly, what you need, whether you know it or not
57752	JADE: ...
57753	JADE: is something wrong callie?
57754	CALLIOPE: hm?
57755	JADE: go ahead and draw typheus!
57756	CALLIOPE: oh...
57757	CALLIOPE: yes, Um...
57758	JADE: you do know what he looks like dont you?
57759	CALLIOPE: i believe i do.
57760	JADE: it doesnt have to be perfect
57761	JADE: just draw a big green snake monster!
57762	CALLIOPE: a big green snake monster yoU say...
57763	CALLIOPE: :u
57764	JADE: yes
57765	JADE: a snake monster with the most unspeakably hideous face you can imagine
57766	JADE: but you dont have to be too literal about that
57767	JADE: feel free to draw something a little more representational :)
57768	CALLIOPE: hrm.
57769	CALLIOPE: i am not sUre if...
57770	CALLIOPE: i am particUlarly comfortable rendering sUch imagery.
57771	JADE: why not?
57772	CALLIOPE: it strikes me as...
57773	CALLIOPE: rather indecent.
57774	CALLIOPE: for reasons i woUld be too embarrassed to explain. u_u;
57775	JADE: thats ok
57776	JADE: why dont i draw it?
57777	CALLIOPE: very well.
57778	CALLIOPE: bUt yoU mUst excUse me if i giggle.
57779	JADE: ok but i dont see whats so indecent about a big old snake!
57780	CALLIOPE: tee hee!
57781	JADE: lol
57782	JADE: when john got to the core he arrived to find typheus awake and ready for him
57783	CALLIOPE: (giggle.)
57784	JADE: he was then presented with the choice
57785	CALLIOPE: (snicker.)
57786	JADE: stop, youre gonna make me crack up too!
57787	JADE: this part is serious!!
57788	CALLIOPE: i apologize. please...
57789	CALLIOPE: (snort.)
57790	CALLIOPE: go on.
57791	JADE: his choice was presented as a kind of riddle
57792	JADE: spoken in a language only he could understand, spelling out the conditions he must accept
57793	JADE: but speaking from experience, once a player is given the choice between two courses of action, it will hardly feel like a choice at all
57794	JADE: if the heart is in the right place then the right thing to do always seems obvious
57795	JADE: so john accepted his denizens terms
57796	JADE: and with that...
57797	JADE: typheus opened valves to the core
57798	JADE: and flooded it with oil!
57799	JADE: there was no way out
57800	JADE: he could not transform into wind because he was completely submerged!
57801	JADE: so he was faced with two possibilities
57802	JADE: either he could figure out how to make himself disappear completely, using the ability he hoped to master
57803	JADE: or he could drown in the oil
57804	JADE: drowning obviously would have been bad :p
57805	JADE: but disappearing wouldnt be much better!
57806	JADE: he would appear somewhere else, having made no progress on his personal quest
57807	JADE: his planet would still be polluted and he would be no closer to playing his song
57808	JADE: somehow he understood the only way was to conceive of a third option
57809	JADE: an idea beyond the simple binary set of outcomes before him
57810	JADE: and interestingly
57811	JADE: it was coming to this understanding which gave him the first glimpse of how to control the power
57812	JADE: he realized it wasnt himself that he needed to make disappear...
57813	JADE: it was the oil!
57814	JADE: he dispersed every drop throughout existence
57815	JADE: leaving a little mark for anyone who might notice, signifying his final mastery over his confining reality
57816	JADE: but more importantly...
57817	(http://www.mspaintadventures.com/oilretcon.html)
57818	JADE: leaving his planet clean
57819	JADE: and the pipes clear
57820	JADE: finally they were ready to let the breeze flow
57821	JADE: so he could play his song
57822	JOHN: roxy???
57823	ROXY: sup
57824	JOHN: what are you doing here?
57825	JOHN: i thought you were going to see your denizen!
57826	ROXY: i did
57827	JOHN: you did?
57828	ROXY: yeh
57829	JOHN: how did it go??
57830	ROXY: it went ok
57831	JOHN: yeah?
57832	JOHN: what happened??
57833	ROXY: oh u know
57834	ROXY: ventured to spooky subterranean lair 4 a bit of cathartic and life altering monster realtalk
57835	JOHN: ok, that is a funny way of putting it, but yeah, me too!
57836	ROXY: yup i figured ur monster quest happened
57837	ROXY: i mean once the gross black shit disappeared and the wind started blowing like a motherfucker
57838	JOHN: what did ur monster say?
57839	JOHN: i mean your.
57840	ROXY: hey maybe we shoud try to be more respectful abt our god monsters...
57841	ROXY: her names nix!
57842	JOHN: right...
57843	JOHN: what did nix say?
57844	JOHN: did she speak in the weird babbley language that you could still understand somehow, even though it made no sense?
57845	ROXY: fuck yes
57846	ROXY: was downright incomprehensible in the most mysteriously understandable way
57847	JOHN: ha ha.
57848	ROXY: she told me this riddle thing
57849	ROXY: that basically spread it all out for me
57850	ROXY: like what my options were and what would happen if i did the options and like the metaphysical and moral consequences of doing those options
57851	JOHN: yeah.
57852	JOHN: typheus pretty much did the same thing with me.
57853	JOHN: typheus was the name of my snake monster, by the way.
57854	ROXY: oooh u had a snake monster?
57855	JOHN: yes, he was awesome.
57856	JOHN: so, did nix give you some sort of challenge to overcome, which by doing so, you could get in touch with your powers?
57857	ROXY: uh
57858	JOHN: which enabled you to appear here, by doing like this incredible voidey thing, that let you phase out of existence, and magically appear with me in this weird plane of reality?
57859	ROXY: lol no
57860	ROXY: she p much just told me to fly to your planet
57861	ROXY: so i did
57862	JOHN: huh.
57863	JOHN: you mean, like...
57864	JOHN: you just... wrapped up your conversation with her. left her lair...
57865	JOHN: and then flew to lowas?
57866	ROXY: yes
57867	JOHN: ohh... kay?
57868	ROXY: lmfao
57869	ROXY: i know right, wow wat a quest!
57870	ROXY: but when u think about it it was the totes obvious thing to do
57871	ROXY: i didnt know it at the time but you were gonna make your whole planet disappear
57872	ROXY: so if i wanted to keep persisting thru your history altering hijinks then all i really had to do was uh
57873	ROXY: come along for the ride
57874	ROXY: no monsterly NITE MAGICS needed!
57875	JOHN: yeah, that makes sense.
57876	ROXY: there were stipulations though
57877	ROXY: mad stips if u will, vis a vis buttloads of opaque goddess riddles
57878	JOHN: right. you mean the "choice" thing?
57879	ROXY: yes
57880	JOHN: what were the mad stips?
57881	ROXY: she said
57882	ROXY: keep in mind i am paraphrasing
57883	ROXY: if paraphrasing is even a thing you can do with stuff said in unfathomable monster jargon
57884	ROXY: that either i could stay behind and vanish into nothingness forever, and everyone in the new reality would inherit all the bigtime responsibilities, including a version of myself who had no memory of any of this and never experienced all the loss and sadness i just went through
57885	ROXY: or
57886	ROXY: i could go with you
57887	ROXY: but in doing so, everyone i loved would know that loss instead
57888	ROXY: w/e that means......
57889	JOHN: yeah!
57890	JOHN: typheus gave me almost the exact same sort of choice
57891	JOHN: something about other people feeling the loss i felt, if i accepted his challenge.
57892	JOHN: which i'm sure is probably... not good?
57893	JOHN: but, i mean, what else was i going to do?
57894	JOHN: i couldn't just let things stay the way they were.
57895	ROXY: yes exactly
57896	ROXY: her caveat sounded ominous as shit
57897	ROXY: but
57898	ROXY: there was somethin that didnt sit well with me about doing nothing
57899	ROXY: accepting her terms just felt right u know?
57900	JOHN: yes.
57901	ROXY: sooo
57902	ROXY: here i am
57903	JOHN: yes!
57904	ROXY: :)
57905	JOHN: i'm glad it worked out like this.
57906	JOHN: i was fully prepared to do this alone... to hop around and change things in whatever way.
57907	JOHN: and i would get to see my friends again, even if they don't remember all the same stuff i do.
57908	JOHN: which was a lonely feeling, if that makes sense?
57909	JOHN: but now i'll have someone else to remember the way things originally went.
57910	ROXY: word
57911	JOHN: yes. word indeed.
57912	ROXY: but i know what you mean
57913	ROXY: its nice to have uh
57914	ROXY: like a witness i guess?
57915	ROXY: someone to authenticate the rough shit u went through
57916	ROXY: even if we never end up talkin about it again
57917	ROXY: the fact that at least SOMEONE else knows
57918	ROXY: makes it feel like it didnt all mean
57919	ROXY: nothing?
57920	JOHN: right.
57921	ROXY: because even if it all gets erased and put back all better
57922	ROXY: i dont think the stuff we went through and the feelings we had meant nothing
57923	ROXY: imo the feelings themselves
57924	ROXY: and the way they shaped us
57925	ROXY: that all means...
57926	ROXY: somethin
57927	JOHN: ...
57928	ROXY: hahaha forget it
57929	ROXY: talkin out my ass here
57930	JOHN: no, it makes sense.
57931	JOHN: and anyway, if nothing else, everything that happened brought us here.
57932	JOHN: the stuff we're about to do, whatever it is, wouldn't be possible otherwise.
57933	JOHN: and that feels pretty important, if you ask me!
57934	ROXY: so
57935	ROXY: all that wind
57936	ROXY: that was you right
57937	JOHN: yes.
57938	ROXY: hmmmmm
57939	ROXY: i dont see any glitchy trash
57940	ROXY: guess your humongous blowy spell did away with all that grody nonsense?
57941	JOHN: oh.
57942	JOHN: yeah, i guess you're right.
57943	JOHN: i didn't even notice until you just mentioned it, but yeah, i guess that dumb problem is finally busted.
57944	JOHN: thank god!
57945	ROXY: fo real
57946	ROXY: i heard music 2
57947	ROXY: did u hear music?
57948	JOHN: yes, that was me too.
57949	JOHN: i was playing a magic organ.
57950	ROXY: oh relay
57951	JOHN: yes, see, there's this huge organ...
57952	ROXY: that is almost certainly what she said
57953	ROXY: WONK
57954	JOHN: oh, shush. :p
57955	JOHN: anyway, this huge PIPE organ...
57956	JOHN: it let me play the breeze, so to speak.
57957	JOHN: i think that was the only way to get rid of all those clouds, and let the fire flies go home.
57958	ROXY: this is their home huh
57959	JOHN: i guess so?
57960	JOHN: i am surprised by how my quest turned out too, to be honest.
57961	ROXY: it is kinda bittersweet
57962	ROXY: seeing all of twinkly herberts bros and sisters going home
57963	JOHN: twinkly who?
57964	ROXY: my pet firefly
57965	ROXY: im guessin this is where he was from
57966	JOHN: oh.
57967	ROXY: they all seem happy though
57968	ROXY: look at em all blinkin away
57969	ROXY: into the blank ass yonder
57970	JOHN: heh.
57971	ROXY: why is the sky blank btw
57972	JOHN: it's blank because it's...
57973	JOHN: nothing.
57974	ROXY: nothing
57975	ROXY: why is it nothing
57976	ROXY: where even are we
57977	JOHN: it's nothing because we are literally nowhere.
57978	ROXY: uh
57979	ROXY: ok how can you tell its actually a field of nothingness
57980	ROXY: as opposed to just a bunch of regular empty space that happens to look vaguely neutral
57981	JOHN: how can i tell?
57982	JOHN: i guess i just can.
57983	ROXY: no but how
57984	JOHN: why don't you ask yourself!
57985	JOHN: you're the one who asked me why it was blank in the first place.
57986	JOHN: so why did you choose the term "blank" in your question?
57987	ROXY: .....
57988	ROXY: DAMN
57989	ROXY: owned @ the philosophies
57990	JOHN: so owned.
57991	JOHN: you will find i am the best there is at those.
57992	ROXY: is true
57993	ROXY: im always gettin owned at those by you and ur kin
57994	ROXY: recently your crazy dog sister was schoolin me on perfectly generic cubes
57995	JOHN: you mean generic objects.
57996	ROXY: generic fort blox :p
57997	JOHN: yes.
57998	ROXY: now u are droppin truth bombs about blank skies on me
57999	ROXY: shouldnt i be like innately stellar at this sorta stuff as a void player
58000	ROXY: must be comin off slow as fuck on the uptake here arent i
58001	JOHN: not really.
58002	JOHN: you seem pretty smart to me.
58003	ROXY: i do
58004	JOHN: yeah.
58005	JOHN: you have a funny and snappy way of talking, like dave.
58006	JOHN: but unlike that knucklehead, i sense that behind all your jokes, you are probably some kind of brainiac, like rose.
58007	ROXY: whow
58008	JOHN: don't get me wrong, i meant knucklehead in a good way.
58009	JOHN: dave is actually the best dude, you would like him.
58010	ROXY: i bet you are correct
58011	ROXY: so dave...
58012	ROXY: hes uhhhhhh
58013	ROXY: my son right??
58014	JOHN: argh!
58015	ROXY: !
58016	JOHN: i mean. yes, pretty much.
58017	JOHN: honestly, it gets weird to think about all our relations in that way sometimes.
58018	ROXY: i getcha
58019	ROXY: like when i think about u and wolfjade being the kids of jane and jake i...
58020	ROXY: i...
58021	ROXY: omfg
58022	ROXY: that SO CUTE :3
58023	JOHN: um.
58024	ROXY: so what is it u thinks weird about dave being my son?
58025	JOHN: i think we should just change the subject!
58026	ROXY: ahaha alright
58027	ROXY: what were we talking about again
58028	JOHN: we were talking about blank skies and fort blocks and such.
58029	ROXY: oh yis
58030	JOHN: and you thought you should know more about things like that as a void hero...
58031	JOHN: which reminds me.
58032	JOHN: do you think you are any closer to making that alien egg?
58033	ROXY: hmn
58034	JOHN: i mean, after seeing nix.
58035	JOHN: did you feel, like, a power boost or anything?
58036	ROXY: a power boost???
58037	ROXY: like mega man or
58038	JOHN: no, not like mega man.
58039	JOHN: i mean, like...
58040	ROXY: youre askin if she taught me to do the voidey thing
58041	JOHN: well, did she?
58042	ROXY: naw dude
58043	ROXY: i told you
58044	ROXY: we did our chat in some horseshit elven baloney tongue
58045	ROXY: and she just told me to come here
58046	ROXY: like thats literally it
58047	ROXY: "go to planet if u want to live"
58048	ROXY: so i did
58049	ROXY: there wasnt really any soul searching or gettin in touch with my inner miracles
58050	JOHN: oh.
58051	JOHN: well that's kind of a bummer.
58052	JOHN: i hope you weren't shortchanged out of an important mystical and spiritual process of self discovery.
58053	ROXY: pfffahahaha
58054	JOHN: ?
58055	ROXY: pfhehehehehehehehe
58056	JOHN: what?
58057	ROXY: sorry its just
58058	ROXY: sometimes you sound so much like jake its rly quite uncanny
58059	ROXY: but yeah i dont care about that really
58060	ROXY: it was either take an uneventful and nonspiritual trip to a wind planet, or just stop existing altogether
58061	ROXY: i think ill be fine without the self discovery part
58062	JOHN: yeah.
58063	JOHN: or...
58064	JOHN: wait.
58065	JOHN: what if this was part of it?
58066	ROXY: part of what
58067	JOHN: your quest?
58068	JOHN: like, to be here, and learn to use your powers better?
58069	JOHN: we are kind of in a realm of literal nothingness right now.
58070	JOHN: maybe you will be able to draw energy or inspiration from the void, or whatever?
58071	ROXY: NIX.......
58072	ROXY: why u sly old bitch
58073	JOHN: does that make sense?
58074	ROXY: it kind of does
58075	ROXY: it kind of LOADS of does
58076	JOHN: oh, sweet!
58077	JOHN: i was just grasping at straws there, but now that you agree, i'm suddenly a lot more confident in my theory.
58078	ROXY: heheh yeah (...jake)
58079	JOHN: so why don't you try it out again?
58080	ROXY: what
58081	ROXY: the egg?
58082	ROXY: like right now?
58083	JOHN: sure?
58084	ROXY: meh tbh im a bit sick of tryin to summon that ugly damn egg
58085	ROXY: how about later??
58086	ROXY: i would rather just keep bee essing with u for a while rather than get right down to freakin business
58087	JOHN: i guess there's really no hurry.
58088	JOHN: not in this place at least.
58089	JOHN: i don't think this place has any bearing on other time lines.
58090	JOHN: it's almost like...
58091	JOHN: like taking a time out from our canonical lives.
58092	JOHN: so if you wanted, you could take as much time to practice here as you need.
58093	ROXY: im down as heck with that
58094	ROXY: could use a breather from my canonical life
58095	JOHN: me too.
58096	JOHN: even though...
58097	JOHN: i'm not sure i have one anymore?
58098	ROXY: hmm
58099	ROXY: well since we already talked about MY quest...
58100	ROXY: and like spiritual mega man style power boosts and all
58101	ROXY: what about yours
58102	ROXY: howd that go
58103	JOHN: how'd it go?
58104	JOHN: pretty well, i'd say.
58105	ROXY: no but
58106	ROXY: i know you blew away some clouds and blanked out the sky and all
58107	ROXY: but the point was so you could learn to control your zappy powers
58108	ROXY: did you?
58109	JOHN: i think so.
58110	JOHN: but i haven't really tried a controlled jump yet.
58111	ROXY: i c
58112	ROXY: well when you do
58113	ROXY: where do you think youll jump to first
58114	JOHN: i have no idea.
58115	JOHN: the thought of changing the time line is still mind boggling to me.
58116	ROXY: well if nothin else
58117	ROXY: u really should go grab that ring
58118	ROXY: before the smug troll can take it
58119	ROXY: i mean there was lots of problems already but her comin back to life really fucked us over to the shittiest max possible
58120	JOHN: that's right!
58121	JOHN: i definitely wanted to go back and get the ring off my couch before i lost it.
58122	JOHN: at the very least, that way you can use it to help your friend.
58123	ROXY: yup!
58124	ROXY: any other ideas?
58125	JOHN: not yet.
58126	JOHN: so much has happened, it's hard to even think about.
58127	JOHN: and it's not even limited to what i've been through, either.
58128	JOHN: i've seen a lot of other crazy stuff, just from my random jumps.
58129	ROXY: like what
58130	JOHN: like...
58131	JOHN: like the last place i was, actually.
58132	JOHN: just before i came back, to find your session in ruins.
58133	JOHN: haha. i actually got into a pretty serious fight.
58134	ROXY: o?
58135	JOHN: with this guy.
58136	JOHN: a skull kid.
58137	JOHN: he's a huge asshole, and a horrible artist.
58138	ROXY: u saw the skull kids drawins?
58139	JOHN: unfortunately.
58140	JOHN: in fact, i was in his drawings once.
58141	JOHN: it was a true nightmare come to life.
58142	ROXY: D:
58143	JOHN: i am pretty much convinced he is the guy behind all of the problems we ever had, even though he is a complete ignoramus.
58144	ROXY: then you mean
58145	ROXY: it was callies bro
58146	JOHN: yeah, probably.
58147	JOHN: i have a feeling some day we will all have to take him down.
58148	JOHN: but...
58149	JOHN: probably when he grows up to be his adult self.
58150	JOHN: when i beat him up, he was just a teen scamp, like us.
58151	JOHN: but with a skull for a head, a robot leg, a cape which i ripped to shreds, and a pair of dumb suspenders.
58152	ROXY: you beat him up????
58153	ROXY: daaamn
58154	ROXY: yall must be STRONG
58155	JOHN: meh, not particularly.
58156	JOHN: i was just really angry, and i caught him off guard drawing some shitty animes.
58157	ROXY: ahahahahaha
58158	ROXY: fuck his animes
58159	JOHN: they were quite literally the worst animes i have ever seen.
58160	JOHN: i hope i hurt his drawing hand, and he never does any more ugly art for the rest of his stupid immortal skull monster life.
58161	ROXY: yeah
58162	ROXY: i know that guy
58163	ROXY: he used to troll my friends all the time
58164	ROXY: wait no
58165	ROXY: used to "jeer" us
58166	ROXY: he was a tool
58167	JOHN: hmm, it just occurred to me...
58168	JOHN: aside from fixing the time line, there's another benefit to my new power.
58169	JOHN: once we all decide we're ready to fight him, i can just zap us all right to him.
58170	JOHN: we could take him by surprise again.
58171	JOHN: i really doubt he'd be able to handle us if we all clobbered him at once!
58172	ROXY: thats pretty good thinkin
58173	ROXY: but um
58174	ROXY: maybe were getting ahead of ourselves here
58175	ROXY: makin plans 4 rumble royale with mangaka dudebro, lord of the shitwanks
58176	ROXY: we should probably focus on bringing our loved ones back to life first
58177	JOHN: ...
58178	ROXY: is uh
58179	ROXY: is that dirks anime sword
58180	ROXY: whats up with that
58181	JOHN: this is where dave's bro died a few years ago, probably while being heroic and cool.
58182	JOHN: jade made his body disappear to bury him, but i guess she left the sword here.
58183	JOHN: she and dave sprite and i gathered around where he was buried and dave sprite said some stuff about him.
58184	JOHN: stuff that was really funny and rambly but also weirdly poignant...
58185	JOHN: i guess it was a bit like a funeral?
58186	ROXY: a funeral u say
58187	JOHN: yeah.
58188	ROXY: ...
58189	JOHN: ...
58190	ROXY: yoink!
58191	JOHN: anyway...
58192	JOHN: you're right.
58193	JOHN: taking a break from the mayhem is nice and all.
58194	JOHN: but i should probably get going.
58195	JOHN: i have a lot of responsibility now.
58196	JOHN: i hope i can live up to it.
58197	ROXY: well to quote an extremely wise and hunky dude i once knew...
58198	ROXY: oh man he was so so wise i hope i dont butcher his quote but
58199	ROXY: i think it goes a lil somethin like
58200	ROXY: you can handle it john
58201	ROXY: i believe in you!
58202	JOHN: aw, thanks!
58203	JOHN: remember what i said too, about practicing voidey stuff.
58204	ROXY: i will
58205	JOHN: good.
58206	ROXY: alright cool
58207	JOHN: yeah.
58208	ROXY: yeah
58209	JOHN: cool.
58210	ROXY: dammit
58211	JOHN: what?
58212	ROXY: were doin this again
58213	JOHN: doing what.
58214	ROXY: being awkward instead of getting our shit in gear
58215	JOHN: haha. whoops.
58216	ROXY: too bad grouchy scarf troll aint here to coordinate another stilted goodbye
58217	JOHN: yeah.
58218	JOHN: it's just as well though.
58219	JOHN: there is no need for goodbyes.
58220	JOHN: if i really can control it now, i should be able to come back here any time i want.
58221	JOHN: which means i won't be gone long!
58222	ROXY: k i will be here
58223	ROXY: waitin
58224	ROXY: trainin
58225	ROXY: partying with those yellow lizards
58226	JOHN: those are salamanders.
58227	ROXY: fuck
58228	JOHN: later, roxy.
58229	JOHN: yikes!
58230	JOHN: i shouldn't mess around with that moment.
58231	JOHN: it is WAY too fundamental.
58232	JOHN: let's try this again.
58233	JOHN: wow, no.
58234	JOHN: what ever is going on here...
58235	JOHN: this is completely useless to history.
58236	JOHN: let's get it together, john.
58237	JOHN: you've got to go somewhere relevant!
58238	JOHN: try to think of something that will help target a certain point in time.
58239	JOHN: try to think about...
58240	JOHN: ...one of your pals!!!
58241	JOHN: (wait a minute.)
58242	JOHN: (i remember this...)
58243	JOHN: (hey!)
58244	JOHN: (you shouldn't be here!)
58245	JOHN: (wha...)
58246	JOHN: (what the hell??)
58247	JOHN: (gotcha!!!)
58248	JOHN: stop fooling around and go find roxy, you dumb goof!
58249	JOHN: who's roxy?
58250	JOHN: OW!
58251	JOHN: wow, i can't believe how naive i was...
58252	JOHN: like... a day ago?
58253	JOHN: hmm.
58254	JOHN: it feels like it's been longer than that.
58255	JOHN: hard to believe!
58256	JOHN: i was so confused when that happened.
58257	JOHN: i was sure the other me knew so much more than i did at the time.
58258	JOHN: which is kind of true... but also kind of not?
58259	JOHN: like, if i traveled back here, and altered reality in a non time travely way, then why do i remember doing it?
58260	JOHN: did i just make some sort of stable retcon loop?
58261	JOHN: does that even make sense??
58262	JOHN: i think i did the right thing though, zapping my other self out of there.
58263	JOHN: it was like... a retroactively preemptive continuity adjustment.
58264	JOHN: ...
58265	JOHN: retroactively preemptive???
58266	JOHN: what am i even talking about.
58267	JOHN: this power is kind of complicated...
58268	JOHN: i need to be more careful.
58269	JOHN: got to come up with a better plan than zapping to wherever my stupid whims take me.
58270	JOHN: i really could use some help with this.
58271	JOHN: but who should i ask?
58272	JOHN: dave?
58273	JOHN: he knows stuff about time travel.
58274	JOHN: but then, it's not really time travel is it.
58275	JOHN: no...
58276	JOHN: i need someone with a different kind of skill.
58277	JOHN: someone who knows how the consequences of certain actions play out.
58278	JOHN: someone like...
58279	JOHN: rose?
58280	JOHN: is that what her powers did?
58281	JOHN: i really should have taken some time to figure out what her powers did.
58282	JOHN: or maybe...
58283	JOHN: wait a minute.
58284	JOHN: WAIT!
58285	JOHN: i think i understand what she was trying to do now!
58286	JOHN: she was trying to give me a way to come back.
58287	JOHN: like, zero in on her thought signal, or something.
58288	JOHN: terezi, you're a genius!
58289	JOHN: i mean, you're a weirdo! but you're also a genius!!
58290	JOHN: alright, let's see if this works.
58291	JOHN: maybe if i just think it hard enough...
58292	JOHN: ahem.
58293	JOHN: there's no place like home...
58294	JOHN: there's no place like home!
58295	JOHN: THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE
58296	TEREZI: 1 C4N'T B3L13V3 TH4T 4CTU4LLY WORK3D
58297	VRISKA: Hey Meenah.
58298	VRISKA: Any idea where we are now?
58299	MEENAH: iunno
58300	VRISKA: Do you think...
58301	VRISKA: This could 8e the "Dark Carnival"??
58302	MEENAH: nah
58303	MEENAH: that shit aint real
58304	MEENAH: its a made up religious belief pimped out by trash clowns
58305	VRISKA: Are you sure?
58306	MEENAH: shell yes
58307	MEENAH: be fake as shit
58308	MEENAH: of course the religious beliefs themselves are real
58309	MEENAH: makin it convenient for anyone who wanna exploit those delusions for her own badass objectives
58310	MEENAH: like pulling in clams hand over flipper and ruthlessly subjugating the general public
58311	MEENAH: i mean
58312	MEENAH: not that id ever bother with a dope scheme like that
58313	MEENAH: just saying
58314	VRISKA: Ok, I can 8uy that there's no such place as the Dark Carnival, and TOTALLY get 8ehind slamming the 8eliefs of people I dislike.
58315	VRISKA: 8ut really...
58316	VRISKA: Whose memory do you think this place is from?
58317	MEENAH: fishska
58318	MEENAH: how long you been dead now
58319	VRISKA: Uh.
58320	VRISKA: I don't remem8er, to 8e honest.
58321	MEENAH: but you still ask questions like that
58322	MEENAH: whose brain this from, where that noise originate...
58323	VRISKA: I'm just curious!
58324	VRISKA: This is such an odd thing to encounter.
58325	VRISKA: Who experienced this? Some alt-alt-alt version of Karkat's lame ancestor?
58326	VRISKA: A chess creature from a distant unrel8ted session, after its post-reckoning getaway, who then repopul8ted a dead planet, and started 8uilding amusement parks??
58327	VRISKA: I just tend to wonder things. It's in my n8ture.
58328	MEENAH: it could be anything
58329	MEENAH: could even be a random patchwork of fifty different memories all contributin to nofin that ever existed in particular
58330	MEENAH: who cares where they from
58331	VRISKA: I guess now that you mention it, I don't actually.
58332	VRISKA: At all.
58333	VRISKA: May8e I was just making convers8tion????????
58334	VRISKA: Sometimes I just want to shoot the 8reeze with you!
58335	MEENAH: yer cute
58336	VRISKA: Yeah, yeah.
58337	VRISKA: So I've heard. ::::P
58338	MEENAH: the point is you just gotta keep lookin at the d-bubble junk and take it in stroke no matter how messed up it is or how much you think it shouldnt exist
58339	VRISKA: Take it in stroke?
58340	MEENAH: yeah like
58341	MEENAH: swimming stroke
58342	MEENAH: instead a walkin stride
58343	MEENAH: *LIKES FISH N SHIT*
58344	VRISKA: I knew what you meant. I was just teasing.
58345	MEENAH: why i oughta
58346	VRISKA: So do you want to hang out here a while?
58347	VRISKA: Or fuck off to some other less ostent8tious hodgepodge of memories.
58348	MEENAH: dunno does it look fun to you
58349	VRISKA: Hmm.
58350	VRISKA: I don't know. Does it look fun to you?
58351	MEENAH: it kinda does
58352	VRISKA: Yeah.
58353	MEENAH: it kinda REELY does
58354	VRISKA: YEAH!!!!!!!!
58355	VRISKA: So what do you want to do first?
58356	VRISKA: Go on this, um...
58357	VRISKA: Slowly rot8ting horse cylinder?
58358	MEENAH: eugh fuck no
58359	VRISKA: Agreed.
58360	VRISKA: I think I h8 horses, actually.
58361	VRISKA: They sort of creep me out?
58362	MEENAH: yeah?
58363	VRISKA: I had a weird experience one time where I was surrounded 8y a 8unch of horses for no reason, and it was the most ominous fucking thing.
58364	VRISKA: I think I've just decided that 8eing surrounded 8y horses might 8e the ultim8 8ad omen. Nothing good can ever follow or precede those circumstances.
58365	MEENAH: i never seen a horse
58366	MEENAH: except i guess the robot kind
58367	MEENAH: would not recommend
58368	VRISKA: Sounds like a nightmare.
58369	MEENAH: nah just like a mediocre situation prompting a bored thumbs down
58370	VRISKA: Yeah.
58371	VRISKA: So, scratch the Horse-A-Whirl. That's out.
58372	VRISKA: Do any other rides sound fun to you?
58373	MEENAH: no
58374	VRISKA: No?!
58375	MEENAH: come on v serk
58376	MEENAH: you dont go to amusment parks to hit up a bunch of rides for wigglers
58377	VRISKA: Oh, sorry, Your Royal Highness. I forgot a8out the standards I was dealing with here.
58378	VRISKA: Then what do you do?
58379	MEENAH: you just shit around acting cool
58380	MEENAH: not giving a fuck
58381	MEENAH: being an all around punk and hasslin people who glance at you crooked
58382	VRISKA: What people??
58383	MEENAH: uh well
58384	MEENAH: the other ghosts who eventually either show up or dont who cares
58385	VRISKA: That's fair.
58386	VRISKA: You know, it's 8een nice having you around to remind me that nothing's actually worth worrying a8out anymore.
58387	VRISKA: It's still easy to forget sometimes!
58388	MEENAH: mmm
58389	VRISKA: 8ut seriously, we should do something fun here!
58390	VRISKA: Come on, let's keep looking around.
58391	VRISKA: What a8out that?
58392	MEENAH: what
58393	VRISKA: The tattoo place.
58394	VRISKA: Do you want to do that?
58395	MEENAH: do what
58396	VRISKA: You could get a tattoo!
58397	MEENAH: uh
58398	VRISKA: No, this sounds gr8.
58399	VRISKA: You should totally get one! It would suit your look, and like, your whole "punk 8rand" so perfectly!
58400	VRISKA: Actually I'm surprised you don't have one already.
58401	MEENAH: what makes you think i dont
58402	VRISKA: W8.
58403	VRISKA: DO you?!
58404	MEENAH: course i do
58405	VRISKA: Where??
58406	VRISKA: Can I see????????
58407	MEENAH: pfpffpffffff
58408	MEENAH: only if you lucky
58409	VRISKA: Um, didn't anyone ever tell you?
58410	VRISKA: Luck is kind of my specialty.
58411	MEENAH: oh scrod dammit i forgot lucks just as much your shit as it was two faced whats her serk
58412	VRISKA: :::;)
58413	MEENAH: why dont you get one
58414	VRISKA: ME?!
58415	MEENAH: yea
58416	MEENAH: if you think gettin inked up sound so chill then how boat you first
58417	VRISKA: 8ut........
58418	VRISKA: I don't like tattoos!
58419	MEENAH: why not
58420	VRISKA: 8ecause........
58421	VRISKA: Hmm.
58422	VRISKA: I don't know actually.
58423	VRISKA: It's just an opinion I remem8er feeling strongly a8out at one point.
58424	MEENAH: well
58425	MEENAH: do you still
58426	VRISKA: I guess?
58427	VRISKA: I just remem8er having some trumped up opinion a8out like, how they looked 8ad, or were a8out "trying too hard", or...
58428	VRISKA: I don't even know really.
58429	VRISKA: Like ruining your 8ody with some lame thing you'll regret some day.
58430	MEENAH: you dont even have a body
58431	VRISKA: I know!
58432	VRISKA: Well, I do. I mean, WE do, just not...
58433	VRISKA: Not in the same way that felt so direly important, during our 8rief and em8arrassing stints with mortality.
58434	VRISKA: I guess now that I think a8out it, it doesn't feel like as 8ig a deal anymore, and may8e it was just a totally stupid opinion to 8egin with?
58435	MEENAH: im down with that conchlusion
58436	MEENAH: whatll it be then
58437	VRISKA: You mean, whether I should get one?
58438	MEENAH: no if you want to buy a whale
58439	MEENAH: yes do you want a sweet tat or no
58440	VRISKA: I don't know!
58441	VRISKA: What would I even get!
58442	MEENAH: def somefin nautical
58443	VRISKA: Nautical, eh?
58444	VRISKA: Well there's a shocking suggestion, if I ever heard one.
58445	MEENAH: yes it is a curve ball i know
58446	MEENAH: but i like keepin suckas on they toes
58447	VRISKA: It's not a 8ad suggestion, actually, even if it quite literally is the only one you're capa8le of at any given moment.
58448	VRISKA: I do genuinely love pir8te stuff.
58449	MEENAH: 38D
58450	VRISKA: Ok! You talked me into it!
58451	VRISKA: I'm going to do it. I'm excited.
58452	MEENAH: omg yay!!!
58453	(JOHN): what is going on here?
58454	(JOHN): should i, uh...
58455	(JOHN): should i go?
58456	JOHN: yes, me.
58457	JOHN: i mean, yes john.
58458	JOHN: wow, it's kind of weird talking to myself.
58459	JOHN: i'm not sure if i'm a very big fan of the experience?
58460	(JOHN): tell me about it!
58461	JOHN: but yeah, you should get going.
58462	JOHN: terezi's experiment worked.
58463	JOHN: you'll find out all about it later.
58464	(JOHN): i will?
58465	JOHN: actually, i'm not sure?
58466	JOHN: now that i changed how things happened for you, you might not get the idea to come back here like i did?
58467	JOHN: which i guess makes this situation a true paradox, unlike all those lame stable time loops dave makes.
58468	(JOHN): so, what does that actually mean for me?
58469	(JOHN): what am i supposed to do now?
58470	JOHN: i don't know what it means.
58471	JOHN: unfortunately, you may not be relevant anymore.
58472	JOHN: i'm the john who is learning to use his flashy powers to reconstruct the time line, so that responsibility is on my shoulders now, not yours.
58473	JOHN: sorry, i am just keeping it real!
58474	(JOHN): ...
58475	JOHN: well, who really knows how it will turn out.
58476	JOHN: maybe you will still have important things to do?
58477	JOHN: i don't have all the answers, i just know terezi and i have to talk now, so you should go.
58478	(JOHN): where?
58479	JOHN: where you were about to go anyway!
58480	JOHN: go see typheus, and do the quest thing.
58481	JOHN: it worked out great. well, for me at least.
58482	(JOHN): ok, i will.
58483	(JOHN): i do hope i get to still be relevant, but i will understand if that turns out not to be the case.
58484	JOHN: that's the spirit!
58485	TEREZI: N3RDS
58486	JOHN: so, that thing we did with the password...
58487	JOHN: we can use that trick to our advantage, right?
58488	TEREZI: TH4T'S TH3 1D34
58489	TEREZI: 1F W3 COM3 UP W1TH 4 L1ST OF K3Y THOUGHTS
58490	TEREZI: YOU SHOULD B3 4BL3 TO DO WH4T YOU JUST D1D
58491	TEREZI: 4ND Z3RO 1N ON SOM3 OF MY M3MOR13S, 4ND CH4NG3 4 F3W TH1NGS
58492	JOHN: like what?
58493	TEREZI: GOOD QU3ST1ON
58494	TEREZI: W3 H4V3 4LL M4D3 4 LOT OF M1ST4K3S
58495	TEREZI: 1 COULD N4M3 4 DOZ3N T3RR1BL3, STUP1D TH1NGS P3OPL3 H4V3 DON3 JUST OFF TH3 TOP OF MY H34D
58496	TEREZI: WH1CH 1F 3R4S3D WOULD PROB4BLY 1MPROV3 TH3 S1TU4T1ON
58497	TEREZI: 4ND Y3T
58498	TEREZI: 1 DON'T F33L L1K3 1 H4V3 TH3 CR3D1B1L1TY TO HOLD 4NYON3 4CCOUNT4BL3 OTH3R TH4N MYS3LF
58499	TEREZI: 1 TH1NK 1 WOULD F33L L1K3 4 HYPOCR1T3 1F 1 TR13D TO F1X OTH3R P3OPL3'S M1ST4K3S
58500	JOHN: yeah, i know what you mean.
58501	JOHN: when i try to think of what to fix...
58502	JOHN: all i can do is look back on what i did wrong.
58503	JOHN: i never should have let that ring out of my sight.
58504	JOHN: going back and getting the ring is the first thing we should do, right?
58505	JOHN: i guess that one is kind of a no brainer.
58506	JOHN: besides, i promised roxy i'd get it.
58507	JOHN: i kind of blew it last time i told her i'd get it.
58508	JOHN: so maybe i shouldn't mess that up again, heh.
58509	JOHN: what do you think, terezi?
58510	TEREZI: HM
58511	JOHN: but other than that, the sky is the limit.
58512	JOHN: really, what do we do?
58513	JOHN: do i go back to when we were just starting to play the game, and give us some advantages?
58514	JOHN: but then, messing up our session causes this whole chain reaction...
58515	JOHN: we never would have met the trolls, or had any reason to scratch the session...
58516	JOHN: and if we didn't scratch the session, there never would have been an alternate reality where roxy and her pals got to play, thereby meeting us...
58517	JOHN: when you start looking back and realizing how interrelated everything is, it starts feeling like an overwhelming job to fix it.
58518	JOHN: on the one hand, you don't want to change so much that the reality you create is barely recognizable.
58519	JOHN: you want to keep everything as similar as possible, so you get to keep all the lessons you learned and the important experiences you had with your friends.
58520	JOHN: but on the other hand...
58521	JOHN: if you aren't going to change something substantial enough to make a real difference, why bother at all?
58522	JOHN: it's like, go big or go home, you know?
58523	JOHN: sort of a catch 22 when you think about it.
58524	JOHN: is any of this making sense?
58525	JOHN: terezi?
58526	JOHN: terezi!!
58527	TEREZI: WH4T
58528	JOHN: were you listening to a word i said?
58529	TEREZI: NOT R34LLY
58530	JOHN: augh!
58531	JOHN: come on terezi, get it together!
58532	JOHN: i was saying some really deep and insightful stuff, probably.
58533	JOHN: i bet ROXY would have thought it was cool.
58534	JOHN: uh...
58535	JOHN: what are you doing?
58536	JOHN: are you...
58537	JOHN: writing on your scarf?
58538	JOHN: in...
58539	JOHN: blood? :\
58540	TEREZI: H3R3
58541	JOHN: what the hell is this?
58542	TEREZI: 4 L1ST OF 1NSTRUCT1ONS
58543	TEREZI: JUST FOCUS ON 4LL OF TH3S3 K3Y THOUGHTS, 1N 3X4CTLY TH1S ORD3R
58544	TEREZI: FOR 34CH ON3, DO 3X4CTLY WH4T 1T T3LLS YOU
58545	TEREZI: 4ND TH3N QU1CKLY MOV3 ON TO TH3 N3XT ON3, UNT1L YOU 4R3 DON3
58546	JOHN: huh?
58547	TEREZI: 3V3RY CH4NG3 1 4M T3LL1NG YOU TO M4K3 W1LL H4V3 1NCR3D1BLY SUBTL3 CONS3QU3NC3S
58548	TEREZI: HOW3V3R, TH3Y W1LL B3 4BSOLUT3LY 3SS3NT14L FOR CR34T1NG 4 MOR3 F4VOR4BL3 OUTCOM3
58549	TEREZI: BUT ONLY 1F YOU FOLLOW MY 1NSTRUCT1ONS TO TH3 L3TT3R, NO QU3ST1ONS 4SK3D!
58550	JOHN: wow.
58551	JOHN: but how do you know these are the exact right things to change?
58552	TEREZI: 1 S41D NO QU3ST1ONS 4SK3D!!!
58553	JOHN: ok, jeez.
58554	JOHN: i was just curious!
58555	TEREZI: YOU 4SK3D M3 TO US3 MY POW3RS TO H3LP YOU
58556	TEREZI: TH4T 1S WH4T 1 4M DO1NG
58557	TEREZI: 1T 1S NOW YOUR JOB TO TRUST M3 4ND DO WH4T 1 S4Y
58558	JOHN: ...it is?
58559	TEREZI: CL34RLY
58560	TEREZI: TH1S BLOODY SC4RF CONT41NS S3CR3T W1SDOMS OF TH3 M1ND WH1CH 4 LOWLY HUM4N W1ND BOY COULD N3V3R D4R3 TO F4THOM
58561	TEREZI: 4ND NOW TH3 W1ND BOY MUST 3MBR4C3 H1S ROL3 4S TH3 W4YW4RD H31R, UNBOUND FROM TH3 T13S OF C4US4L1TY, 4ND PUT 4LL H1S F41TH 1N 4 F4LL3N S33R TO BR1NG R3D3MPT1ON TO US 4LL
58562	JOHN: haha, ok now i know you're full of shit!
58563	TEREZI: Y3S
58564	TEREZI: BUT COULD YOU PL34S3 JUST T4K3 TH3 FUCK1NG SC4RF 4ND DO WH4T 1 S4Y
58565	JOHN: alright, why not.
58566	JOHN: this is a lot of instructions.
58567	JOHN: all these will take me to certain events in your life?
58568	TEREZI: 1D34LLY, Y3S
58569	JOHN: well, at least you have a plan.
58570	JOHN: who am i to say it isn't the right one?
58571	TEREZI: NOBODY
58572	JOHN: oh snap!
58573	JOHN: terezi, did you know, even though you're a weirdo, and we probably wouldn't get along most of the time, i kind of missed you?
58574	JOHN: you were one of the first trolls i ever talked to.
58575	JOHN: we got off on a weird foot with your death threats, and jokey antagonism, and it's almost like we never stopped being on that foot?
58576	JOHN: it makes me nostalgic for simpler times...
58577	JOHN: do you remember when you made me those maps to follow?
58578	JOHN: in a way, following your instructions will be like that tom foolery all over again!
58579	TEREZI: 1 DO R3M3MB3R
58580	TEREZI: TH3 M4PS 1 S3NT TO YOU W3R3 C4RTOGR4PH1C M4ST3RSTROK3S, 4ND R3PR3S3NT3D 4 SH1N1NG 3X4MPL3 FOR 4LL WHO WOULD 4SP1R3 TO HO4X GULL1BL3 DW33BS 3V3RYWH3R3
58581	TEREZI: BUT L3T'S NOT W4ST3 GOOD S3NT1M3NT4L1TY H3R3
58582	TEREZI: YOU 4R3 4BOUT TO STROLL DOWN M3MORY L4N3 W1TH M3 1N 4 MUCH MOR3 L1T3R4L S3NS3
58583	TEREZI: WH3R34S 1...
58584	TEREZI: ON3 MOM3NT
58585	JOHN: huh?
58586	TEREZI: YOU'LL N33D ON3 MOR3 TH1NG FOR YOUR JOURN3Y
58587	TEREZI: WH4T 1S YOUR F4VOR1T3 COLOR
58588	JOHN: um...
58589	TEREZI: TH4T W4S 4 RH3TOR1C4L QU3ST1ON, NUMBNUTS
58590	TEREZI: H3R3
58591	TEREZI: GOOD LUCK, 3GB3RT >:]
58592	TEREZI: NOT TH4T YOU'LL N33D 1T
58593	JOHN: why not?
58594	TEREZI: B3C4US3 W3 M4K3 OUR OWN LUCK
58595	TEREZI: 4ND YOU'R3 4BOUT TO PROV3 TH4T
58596	JOHN: god, you are so fucking weird.
58597	JANE: Excuse me!
58598	JANE: Apologies for the intrusion,
58599	JANE: But I seem to be lost.
58600	JANE: Could you please tell me where I am?
58601	CALLIOPE: JANE! :U
58602	CALLIOPE: oops.
58603	CALLIOPE: sorry. u_u
58604	CALLIOPE: i'm not terribly experienced with the practice of in-person expressions of friendship.
58605	CALLIOPE: jane, don't be frightened...
58606	CALLIOPE: it's me!
58607	CALLIOPE: callie!
58608	JANE: Of course!
58609	JANE: Oh my goodness, what a wonderful surprise!
58610	JANE: Come here, you!
58611	JANE: This is an expression of in-person friendship we Earthlings refer to as a hug.
58612	CALLIOPE: hee hee!
58613	CALLIOPE: yes. ^u^
58614	JANE: Forgive me, I don't recall your telling me you were named Callie.
58615	JANE: Come to think of it, I hardly remember anything at all.
58616	JANE: Not even how I got here.
58617	CALLIOPE: i woUld not fret over it. yoUr memory shoUld begin to retUrn in dUe time.
58618	CALLIOPE: jade here has been remembering all sorts of things, as we record her memories in oUr storybook.
58619	JADE: hi jane!
58620	JANE: Hello, there.
58621	CALLIOPE: why don't yoU join Us?
58622	CALLIOPE: i'm sUre yoU will have mUch to add to oUr story.
58623	JANE: I'd love to.
58624	JANE: I feel as though I could use a rest.
58625	JANE: I'm quite exhausted for some reason. I must have been walking along that yellow path for longer than I can remember.
58626	JADE: heheh. i said the same thing when i got here too
58627	CALLIOPE: tis trUe.
58628	JANE: Um, pardon me, though,
58629	JANE: I also cannot recall for the life of me whether you mentioned your friend to me.
58630	JANE: Or that you were both trolls...
58631	CALLIOPE: ah, bUt we are not trolls!
58632	JADE: nope :B
58633	CALLIOPE: these are oUr trollsonas.
58634	JANE: Trollsonas, you say?
58635	JADE: callie helped me make mine
58636	JADE: arent we adorable?
58637	JANE: You truly are.
58638	JANE: Say.
58639	JANE: Do you suppose...
58640	JANE: I could make a trollsona too?
58641	JOHN: might as well get started.
58642	JOHN: let's see, the first key thought is...
58643	JOHN: "R3UN1ON"?
58644	JOHN: do i have to think the numbers too?
58645	JOHN: how do i even do that?
58646	JOHN: whatever, here goes nothing.
58647	JOHN: whoa, it worked!
58648	JOHN: ha ha, i remember this!
58649	JOHN: oh man, this is great.
58650	JOHN: hey guys!
58651	JOHN: hey me!!
58652	JOHN: you're looking almost as handsome as the other me i just saw.
58653	JOHN: don't ask, it's a long story. all you need to know is we are both looking great, as usual.
58654	JOHN: dang, this was such a cool moment!
58655	JOHN: hard to believe it was only...
58656	JOHN: hours ago?
58657	JOHN: days ago?
58658	JOHN: these zappy shenanigans are making me lose track of time.
58659	JOHN: whatever, it was just a really nice surprise when you all randomly appeared on my birthday and fell on the grass!
58660	JOHN: i would love to have this sweet reunion all over again with you guys...
58661	JOHN: we had some great conversations here on this lonely stone henge planet. i really wouldn't mind listening to everything we said again word for word!
58662	JOHN: but i can't.
58663	JOHN: i don't know if this makes sense...
58664	JOHN: but when we all came together like this out of the blue, and had our long awaited reunion...
58665	JOHN: i'm not sure if we really earned it yet?
58666	JOHN: we didn't realize it at the time, but there were still a bunch of problems waiting to happen.
58667	JOHN: like, some lingering issues that were going to pull us all apart again, and make us fight to get back together once and for all.
58668	JOHN: but don't worry, i'm working to overcome all those problems right now.
58669	JOHN: that's why i'm here!
58670	JOHN: it's also why i can't hang around all day babbling like a fool. i really need to quit yapping and hit the road.
58671	JOHN: see you karkat!
58672	JOHN: i hope your pals don't take it personally, but you were always my favorite troll.
58673	JOHN: the shouty tirades you are going to have on this hilly planet are going to be epic and hilarious. i will never forget them.
58674	JOHN: kanaya, take good care of him for me, ok? thanks.
58675	JOHN: dave! see you in a different reality, buddy.
58676	JOHN: be sure to take care of mr. mayor too.
58677	JOHN: your beautiful friendship with a cute chess man is an inspiration to us all.
58678	JOHN: i hope and firmly believe it will transcend the boundaries of even the most ludicrous retcon shenanigans.
58679	JOHN: (heheheh.)
58680	JOHN: goodbye, rose. it makes me happy to see you alive and well, even if only for a minute.
58681	JOHN: i'm going to make sure i never have to watch you die again.
58682	JOHN: sorry if that sounds morbid and confusing, but... yeah.
58683	JOHN: and if you see her around, say hello to roxy for me!
58684	JOHN: haha, oh yeah. hey terezi.
58685	JOHN: i feel like this is some big joke you are in on too.
58686	JOHN: but you probably don't have the slightest clue what's going on, do you?
58687	JOHN: maybe it's better that way, heh.
58688	JOHN: anyway, the plan is going perfectly so far. ;)
58689	JOHN: (i just winked.)
58690	JOHN: so yeah, time to go get that ring.
58691	JOHN: i don't know what's going to happen to you all once i change stuff...
58692	JOHN: maybe you'll stop existing? i don't have a damn clue, to be honest.
58693	JOHN: but just so you know, you will always keep existing in my heart.
58694	JOHN: bye!
58695	JOHN: gotcha!!!
58696	JOHN: it feels good to have it back.
58697	JOHN: the dear, sweet, precious ring of ghost life...
58698	JOHN: i'll never lose track of it again!
58699	JOHN: i definitely won't let...
58700	JOHN: um...
58701	JOHN: wait, who was going to steal this ring again?
58702	JOHN: the other vriska, with the short pirate skirt... what was her name?
58703	JOHN: meh, it doesn't matter. she's probably irrelevant now.
58704	MEENAH: BOOM
58705	MEENAH: there goes another one
58706	VRISKA: Wow, yeah.
58707	MEENAH: dude sure is busy today
58708	VRISKA: I've got to hand it to him.
58709	VRISKA: As far as indestructi8le, reality-destroying monsters go, he really is tireless.
58710	VRISKA: Even though on some level I can tell he's pro8a8ly a complete moron, his dedic8tion and persistence is actually pretty admira8le.
58711	MEENAH: holla
58712	VRISKA: How many ghosts do you think were in that 8u88le he just wrecked?
58713	MEENAH: dunno
58714	MEENAH: hard to give a carp really
58715	MEENAH: and not just cause im a sociopath
58716	VRISKA: What do you mean?
58717	MEENAH: hes just reclamming souls who hangin around too long anyway
58718	MEENAH: before i died i was already like i aint give a fuck about death much
58719	MEENAH: i looked at it like life had a price of admission no one could afford
58720	MEENAH: in the ticket takers eye theres no way you could ever earn your stay
58721	MEENAH: so to stick around you gotta learn to steal
58722	MEENAH: but shit catches up with all thieves in the end
58723	MEENAH: even the great ones
58724	VRISKA: ...
58725	MEENAH: i lived like death wasnt no thing
58726	MEENAH: at all times overdue
58727	MEENAH: a hard stop to being you
58728	MEENAH: and only chumps arent fine with that
58729	MEENAH: but then i die
58730	MEENAH: and find out dying dont mean what little i thought it did
58731	MEENAH: so all those spook eyed souls up there scared to death of double dyin?
58732	MEENAH: fuck em
58733	VRISKA: Peixes, have I ever told you, for a no-8ullshit fish princess, you sure have a way with words?
58734	MEENAH: yeah youve kissed my ass before if thats what you askin
58735	VRISKA: Ooh, look!
58736	VRISKA: Another space tragedy.
58737	MEENAH: daamn
58738	VRISKA: I will say this much. All the cosmic mayhem is really quite pretty.
58739	VRISKA: Almost like the 8ig man out there is putting on a fireworks display, just for us.
58740	MEENAH: daw
58741	MEENAH: lord muscleguy be thoughtful as fuck
58742	VRISKA: How far do you think he'll go?
58743	VRISKA: To find... who was it? His "kid sister"?
58744	VRISKA: Is he really going to keep smashing the 8lack space forever until he finds her, til it's all gone?
58745	VRISKA: Is it actually POSSI8LE to shatter a continuum that's theoretically infin8te?
58746	MEENAH: shrug
58747	VRISKA: Like I said. Got to admire the guy's determin8tion.
58748	VRISKA: Still, I can't imagine he's led a very enjoya8le existence.
58749	VRISKA: I mean, sure. May8e he THINKS he has. In the way that totally delusional, egomaniacal people tend to do.
58750	VRISKA: I 8et he never had anyone in his life who was actually important to him.
58751	VRISKA: Someone who could have helped him see that nothing is worth that kind of o8session.
58752	VRISKA: That it's 8etter to just try and 8e happy.
58753	MEENAH: poor skull guy 38(
58754	JOHN: ok, bloody scarf.
58755	JOHN: where to next?
58756	JOHN: framed, huh?
58757	JOHN: i mean... "FR4M3D".
58758	JOHN: ...which i guess is pronounced the same way, but you have to yell it in terezi's weird annoying voice?
58759	JOHN: wow, that was kind of a sick burn.
58760	JOHN: maybe i should be nicer to her, since she is bailing my stupid ass out of this jam, and also she died.
58761	JOHN: ok, here i go.
58762	JOHN: so...
58763	JOHN: you wanted me to steal a stuffed dragon from your room?
58764	JOHN: how is this even the slightest bit important to the time line?
58765	JOHN: whatever.
58766	JOHN: maybe stealing this dragon is the most important thing to ever happen in the history of stupid time shenanigans?
58767	JOHN: who am i to judge.
58768	JOHN: ok, what's next...
58769	JOHN: "MOM3NT"?
58770	JOHN: wow, that sounds really nonspecific.
58771	JOHN: what moment do you mean, terezi??
58772	JOHN: way to narrow that down.
58773	JOHN: guess i'll find out. this better be good!
58774	JOHN: heheheheheh.
58775	JOHN: confused yet, terezi?? hahaha.
58776	JOHN: this is actually a lot of fun.
58777	JOHN: i am like the ultimate prankster now... nanna would be so proud!
58778	JOHN: it's kind of like if dr. who used his fancy phone booth to go around playing tricks on people, and that's all he did.
58779	JOHN: then maybe that show would be less lame!
58780	JOHN: also, harry anderson should be all the doctors.
58781	JOHN: wow, i should use my retcon powers to make THAT show happen! wow, yes.
58782	JOHN: it's like all of the super heroes say, with great power comes great responsibility.
58783	JOHN: hmm.
58784	JOHN: i wonder who the "him" was in terezi's note.
58785	JOHN: karkat, maybe?
58786	JOHN: man, i sure hope terezi didn't send me on a time travel quest just to fix her fucking boyfriend problems.
58787	JOHN: god DAMNIT terezi!
58788	CALLIOPE: what else do yoU remember, jane?
58789	CALLIOPE: the more yoU tell Us, the closer we may come to jogging yoUr and jade's memory of how yoU died.
58790	CALLIOPE: not to mention, the closer we will get to completing this lovely illUstrated story. :u
58791	JANE: Hrm.
58792	JANE: My recollection continues to be so darn hazy.
58793	JANE: Is there anything from my session that you can remember, Callie?
58794	CALLIOPE: UnfortUnately from my perspective, most of it was blacked oUt.
58795	CALLIOPE: everything else i know, i have learned from ancient joUrnals, whose veracity i have come to regard as...
58796	CALLIOPE: tenUoUs.
58797	CALLIOPE: yoU two are the only primary soUrces i have left to reconstrUct the tale. if only yoU can keep jogging yoUr memories!
58798	JANE: I see.
58799	JANE: Well, I do recall quite a bit more from our stint as tricksters.
58800	JANE: For some reason all those memories are still quite vivid.
58801	JANE: I suppose I could recount more of that drunken tomfoolery and extend our trickster chapter.
58802	CALLIOPE: oh, yes!!! i woUld absolUtely adore hearing more aboUt yoUr trickster adventUres.
58803	CALLIOPE: it pleases me to no end hearing that yoU experienced sUch joyfUl escapades as a resUlt of the birthday present i gave yoU! :U
58804	JANE: Um. Yes!
58805	JANE: Joyful.
58806	JANE: That's what they were. So joyful.
58807	JANE: What a present! You are a true sweetheart, Callie.
58808	CALLIOPE: ^u^
58809	JANE: So, where was I?
58810	JANE: Ah yes. Dirk had just acquiesced to the siren's song of the trickster.
58811	JANE: When all the rainbow magic and sparkle dust had subsided, there he stood, as stoic and rigid as ever.
58812	JANE: He was like a plank of wood in orange trousers and suspenders. A bronze statue in a silly pair of wrist warmers. A stone-faced automaton with a shock of vermilion hair, in which comfortably nestled what appeared to be an orange soft drink.
58813	JANE: The juju's potent spell seemed only to strengthen his resolve in betraying no emotion whatsoever.
58814	JANE: But would his curmudgeonly facade prove a deterrent to Roxy's lascivious wiles? Methinks not!
58815	JANE: She advanced upon him with her magic ring, seeking his hand in quadruple betrothal.
58816	JANE: Her lips puckered and quivered, like an amorous cephalopod skulking the briny ocean depths for a handsome mate.
58817	JADE: guys i think weve heard enough about the trickster stuff :|
58818	CALLIOPE: (shoot!)
58819	JADE: jane, dont you remember when we turned into bad guys?
58820	JANE: Bad guys?
58821	JADE: yeah...
58822	JADE: i turned into an evil werewolf for a while
58823	JADE: and you i think were some kind of cyborg
58824	JANE: Yes, that does sound very familiar.
58825	JANE: Can you tell me anything else to nudge my recollection?
58826	JADE: ummmmm
58827	JADE: you had a pitchfork thingy and your outfit was bright red
58828	JANE: Yes, of course!
58829	JANE: I do remember that now.
58830	JANE: Oh dear. I really was behaving horribly, wasn't I?
58831	JADE: yeah, we both were
58832	JADE: it feels like it was all a bad dream
58833	JADE: im glad its over now, even if it means were probably dead
58834	JANE: Mm-hm.
58835	JANE: It's coming back to me now...
58836	JANE: Gosh, how embarrassing it is to recall my actions.
58837	JANE: They somehow manage to trump my indiscretions as a trickster.
58838	JANE: The things I said to Jake!!!
58839	JADE: :o
58840	JADE: what did you say?
58841	JANE: I can't even bring myself to talk about it.
58842	JANE: You're right, Jade. We probably are better off dead than having to face the music for our shameful deeds.
58843	CALLIOPE: i do not wish to pry into matters that make yoU Uncomfortable...
58844	CALLIOPE: bUt can yoU at least recall the circUmstances which were likely to have resUlted in yoUr deaths?
58845	JANE: Hm.
58846	JANE: Yes, I believe I can.
58847	JANE: Remembering my encounter with Jake in his prison cell has reminded me of a crisis that followed shortly thereafter.
58848	JANE: It caught us all quite by surprise, if I recall, even the Condesce.
58849	JANE: I believe there were unanticipated factors which even she was unable to account for.
58850	CALLIOPE: can yoU recall the natUre of this crisis?
58851	CALLIOPE: jade and i will do oUr best to record it!
58852	JANE: Yes, hold on.
58853	JANE: Allow me a moment to get back into my storytelling voice.
58854	JANE: ...
58855	JADE: ...
58856	CALLIOPE: ...
58857	JANE: Ahem.
58858	JANE: 'Twas like Jade said. We'd been hoodwinked by none other than the Batterwitch herself.
58859	JANE: The old lady's fishy mind tricks had us both behaving like a pair of crooks!
58860	JANE: We were all too willing to do her dirty work, and none too shy about reveling in our misdeeds.
58861	JANE: It was as if she'd pulled the stops on our sense of conscience. At last we were free to act upon our darkest desires.
58862	JANE: And if it please the jury, I'd prefer said desires were kept stricken from this record. >:B
58863	JADE: i second the motion
58864	CALLIOPE: (doUble shoot!!)
58865	JANE: The crafty witch made sure I would be the brains of the operation.
58866	JANE: She saw to it her heiress had a super computer wrapped around her noggin years in advance.
58867	JANE: A state of the art Thoughtwave Tiaratop, for the up and coming junior battermaster on the go -- with the factory default set to EVIL!
58868	JANE: But if I was the brains of the outfit, Jade was the uncontested brawn.
58869	JANE: Within two shakes of a dog's tail, she kicked Dirk to the curb of the incipisphere.
58870	JANE: Then in one fell swoop, she and I pinched Roxy and Jake respectively, and hauled them right off to the slammer for interrogation.
58871	JANE: The slammer, as we all know, is how one describes the penal system when feeling extra angry at crimes.
58872	JANE: Their crime, you ask? It was being on the wrong side of the law.
58873	JANE: And by wrong, I mean right.
58874	CALLIOPE: jane, slow down! this is all solid gold.
58875	JANE: But before we could badger hapless pals in the slammer, there was work to be done.
58876	JANE: We were to prepare for the others, scheduled to arrive shortly on a meteor from the furthest ring.
58877	JANE: I was ordered to build up the houses on our planets to reach Skaia. The witch said it was critical to her plans.
58878	JANE: Whereas Jade was told to intercept the meteor, and scatter all her friends on the four new planets.
58879	JANE: They were all to be separated into pairs, and prepared to receive instruction to help us advance the cause.
58880	JANE: But then, something went wrong. Something fully unanticipated, even by the Witch!
58881	JANE: Before Jade could intercept the meteor, she disappeared without a trace.
58882	JADE: i did? :o
58883	CALLIOPE: (jade, shh! this is getting exciting.)
58884	JANE: Perhaps it's my shoddy memory acting up again, but I have no recollection of what happened to her.
58885	JANE: This left the Witch's scheme in total shambles, and without Jade's unlimited power at her command, the situation on Derse was vulnerable.
58886	JANE: Jade's friends were now unaccounted for, and could freely move about the medium without being caught.
58887	JANE: They used their freedom to maximum advantage. Staying a step ahead of the Witch, they organized and came up with a plan.
58888	JANE: The plan, you ask?
58889	JANE: A prison break!!!
58890	JANE: They struck at just the right moment, while the Witch was out searching for them. They had established a series of clever decoys to lure her away.
58891	JANE: Their assault on the Derse prison was furious, with only myself and a few agents on hand to fend them off.
58892	JANE: Their aim was to free Jake and Roxy, and I can only presume, me as well from my corrupted state.
58893	JANE: But I was not about to go down easy. Oh no.
58894	JANE: The melee was fierce, and alas...
58895	JANE: Not without casualty. :(
58896	CALLIOPE: what happened, jane?
58897	CALLIOPE: was someone slain? other than yoU and jade?
58898	JANE: I'm sorry. The memory is coming back to me.
58899	JANE: It is difficult to talk about, let alone present it with a flourish a good story deserves.
58900	JADE: well forget about the story for a second
58901	JADE: just tell us with regular words... i mean if you want to
58902	JANE: No, it's ok.
58903	JANE: I shall persevere.
58904	JANE: Our tale must go on.
58905	CALLIOPE: (;u;)
58906	JANE: Roxy's young mother made an exceedingly aggressive move to free her estranged daughter.
58907	JANE: She attacked me with a fearsome enchantment of blinding light!
58908	JANE: I deftly sidestepped her sorcery, and in my demented state found myself enraged by her claim on my beloved Bffsy.
58909	JANE: I let my fork sail, straight and true, toward the interloping Lalonde.
58910	JANE: But Roxy...
58911	JANE: In a sudden fit of gumption, she intercepted my fork.
58912	JANE: Directly through her chest.
58913	JANE: I knew it before her heart even stopped.
58914	JANE: Her death was surely heroic.
58915	DRAGONSPRITE: sniff sniff
58916	DRAGONSPRITE: sniff sniff sniff sniff
58917	JOHN: (hey, would you quit it!)
58918	JOHN: (i'm trying to keep a low profile here.)
58919	DRAGONSPRITE: bye!
58920	DRAGONSPRITE: heeheeheeheehee!
58921	JOHN: uh, mission accomplished i guess??
58922	JOHN: well, scarf item number four, at least.
58923	JOHN: there you go, terezi. your stupid plush dragon can help with your weird "investigation", or whatever fucked up thing you're doing there.
58924	JOHN: thank god i changed that! we sure are making some awesome progress here...
58925	JOHN: not.
58926	JOHN: ok, there's just no way that change was important.
58927	JOHN: i know this stuff can be pretty subtle, but come on.
58928	JOHN: she HAS to be messing with me at this point.
58929	JOHN: with my new powers, i feel like i'm the ultimate prankster, but to be honest, i'm having a hard time figuring out who is pranking WHO here, exactly.
58930	JOHN: ...
58931	JOHN: it's me, isn't it.
58932	JOHN: i'm the one getting owned, aren't i.
58933	JOHN: owned by a crazy blind girl, trolling me through time with notes written in her blood moments before she died.
58934	JOHN: but she's also kind of... trolling herself too?
58935	JOHN: damn.
58936	JOHN: i am dealing with a true professional here.
58937	JOHN: alright, enough of this asinine horse play.
58938	JOHN: let's see what the scarf of stupidity has in store for me next!
58939	JOHN: yeesh.
58940	JOHN: what a gruesome scene.
58941	JOHN: i wonder which troll this was?
58942	JOHN: she looks really cute...
58943	JOHN: it's sad that she died.
58944	JOHN: let's see... what does she want me to do here?
58945	JOHN: i'm all out of stuffed dragons, so i don't think anyone will be cracking this case any time soon.
58946	JOHN: hmm...
58947	JOHN: so i guess the clown guy did this?
58948	JOHN: i'm laughing my ass off.
58949	JOHN: it looks like he left all this bullshit littered around the body to frame vriska.
58950	JOHN: did terezi actually fall for this?
58951	JOHN: ok, this one's easy enough.
58952	JOHN: there, you're welcome terezi.
58953	JOHN: keep up the good work at solving dumb crimes.
58954	JOHN: whoops, here you come! got to go.
58955	TG: spidertroll
58956	GC: YOU 4R3 CORR3CT
58957	GC: TH3 SP1D3R13ST ON3 OF 4LL
58958	TG: youve decided to take her down then
58959	GC: 1 GU3SS SO
58960	TG: you dont sound that psyched about it
58961	GC: W3LL, 1M H3R3 T4LK1NG TO YOU 4BOUT 1T 1NST34D OF 4CTU4LLY DO1NG 1T, 4R3NT...
58962	GC: HUH?
58963	TG: what
58964	TG: terezi
58965	TG: hello
58966	TG: wtf is going on there
58967	JOHN: there.
58968	JOHN: i honked the stupid horn.
58969	JOHN: one more to go...
58970	JOHN: terezi, are we getting to the point any time soon?
58971	JOHN: i'm getting tired of all this meaningless, prankstery bullshit.
58972	JOHN: i would like to be able to say we at least TRIED to change something important here.
58973	JOHN: i'd rather not have to go back to roxy and say, sorry! your mom has to stay dead forever, because terezi decided to play some funny jokes on me for no reason, and also fix her romance problems.
58974	JOHN: it'd be nice to do something that would actually be significant enough to, you know, prevent that from happening?!
58975	JOHN: ...
58976	JOHN: huh?
58977	JOHN: OOF!
58978	VRISKA: Haha!
58979	MEENAH: hehehe
58980	VRISKA: Hahahaha!
58981	MEENAH: heheheh
58982	MEENAH: heheheheheh
58983	VRISKA: Hahahaha!
58984	VRISKA: OOF!!!!!!!!
58985	MEENAH: whups
58986	MEENAH: hehehe
58987	VRISKA: Hahahahahahahaha!
58988	MEENAH: heheheheheheh
58989	VRISKA: Haha! Hahahaha!
58990	VRISKA: Hahahaha!!!!!!!!
58991	MEENAH: hehehehe
58992	VRISKA: Hahahahahahahaha!
58993	MEENAH: heheh hehehe
58994	VRISKA: Haha!
58995	MEENAH: hehehehehe
58996	VRISKA: Hahahaha!
58997	VRISKA: Hahahaha...
58998	MEENAH: hehehe...
58999	VRISKA: Haha.
59000	MEENAH: heheh
59001	MEENAH: heh...
59002	VRISKA: Ha.
59003	JANE: I knew that I was her only hope for resurrection.
59004	JANE: Perhaps my cybernetic intelligence was not as flawless as I believed.
59005	JANE: In my haste to revive her, I neglected to let them know I was the only chance she had.
59006	JANE: If they understood the nature of my powers, they may have tempered their aggression.
59007	JANE: And if I wasn't so hurried to use those powers, I may not have let my guard down.
59008	JANE: Alas, I did let my guard down, and with it, my queen.
59009	JANE: But more importantly, my friend, who surely stayed dead.
59010	JANE: Poor Roxy.
59011	CALLIOPE: do yoU sUppose we shoUld be expecting her ghost to join Us too?
59012	CALLIOPE: thoUgh i admit, part of me feels gUilty hoping she will join Us in death. u_u
59013	JANE: I do not know.
59014	JANE: But guilt notwithstanding, I truly hope to see her again.
59015	JANE: Killing a dear friend while in a compromised state of mind... it's frightening to imagine having to "live" with that for eternity.
59016	JANE: I'd be miserable if I never had the opportunity to make amends.
59017	JADE: its sad she died, but then, isnt it kinda sad we all died?
59018	JADE: personally im really hoping she shows up!
59019	JADE: jane why dont you prepare a trollsona for her as a gesture of reconciliation?
59020	JADE: its the least you can do :B
59021	JANE: Why, yes.
59022	JANE: I do believe I can make that sacrifice for the good of our friendship.
59023	CALLIOPE: HUZZAH!!!!!!!!!!!
59024	JADE: so getting back to the story
59025	JADE: i take it from what you said about letting your guard down...
59026	JADE: you believe this was how you died?
59027	JANE: I'm almost certain of it.
59028	JANE: I can remember nothing beyond that moment.
59029	JANE: And if one of your friends managed to get the better of me, I have no doubt my death would have been just, considering the trouble I caused.
59030	JADE: yeah...
59031	JADE: likewise :\
59032	CALLIOPE: do yoU remember who it was that killed yoU?
59033	CALLIOPE: not to hoUnd yoU for details, bUt trivia like this tends to be historically important.
59034	CALLIOPE: plUs, i woUld like to draw this scene. :u
59035	JANE: I'm sorry. My memory of the incident overall is quite vague.
59036	JANE: But it wouldn't surprise me if the one who dealt my fatal blow was the leader of the raid.
59037	JANE: This was the unanticipated factor.
59038	JANE: Their leader was someone who was not expected to show up with them at all.
59039	JANE: The presence of this lone interloper was enough to discombobulate a scheme millions of years in the making.
59040	JANE: This hero occupied a blind spot as much to the Condesce as to my present recollection, but of this much I am sure.
59041	JANE: The hero was bold, wily; the sort of firebrand personality they needed to take such a stand.
59042	JANE: An intrepid soul who was not about to take the verdict of paradox space lying down.
59043	JANE: You see, Callie, your historical documents make no mention of the leader of the raid, because originally, the curtains closed early on this plucky customer.
59044	JANE: But the hero was written back into our story by some inscrutable gambit of circumstance which we may never fully understand.
59045	JANE: And with that flourish of revisionism, the tide of luck turned on a shiny new dime. All bets were off!
59046	JANE: The tilt between the friendly and felonious was a true horse race again. A real barn burner in the brewing.
59047	JANE: Yes, there'd still be hell to pay after Jade and I made our exit, sure as sugar cubes.
59048	JANE: There'd be ashes to sift, wounds to mend, fallen to mourn. Not being privy to the aftermath, I can only surmise as well as the next gumshoe.
59049	JANE: But with respect to the fate of our comrades, of this much I am convinced.
59050	JANE: When the curtains finally closed, this time, their leader would make sure everyone was standing on the right side of them.
59051	JANE: That is to say, the side any interested onlooker would be able to witness.
59052	JADE: ...
59053	JADE: jeez!
59054	JANE: Hm?
59055	JADE: youre really good at telling stories jane!
59056	CALLIOPE: yes, i'd no idea yoU had sUch a talent. how sneaky of yoU to hide sUch a gift from me all this time!
59057	JADE: hear hear! 5 stars, would listen again! :)
59058	JANE: Aw, shucks, you guys. :B
59059	JOHN: uh, wow.
59060	JOHN: not sure what to expect for this one.
59061	JOHN: alright, here goes.
59062	JOHN: NOOOOOO, TEREZI!
59063	JOHN: DON'T DO IT!!!
59064	VRISKA: John????????
59065	VRISKA: What are you doing heAUGH!!!!!!!!
59066	JOHN: KAPOW!!!!!
59067	TEREZI: JOHN NO! >:O
59068	TEREZI: JOHN, WH4T H4V3 YOU DON3!
59069	JOHN: whew! that was close.
59070	TEREZI: WHY 4R3 YOU H3R3??
59071	TEREZI: HOW 4R3 YOU H3R3???
59072	JOHN: it's a long story terezi. don't worry about it.
59073	JOHN: the important thing here is, we did it. everything's going to be ok now.
59074	TEREZI: D1D WH4T?!
59075	JOHN: um...
59076	JOHN: i'm not sure, actually.
59077	TEREZI: OH MY FUCK1NG GOD
59078	JOHN: well, i just clobbered vriska and knocked her out, like you said.
59079	JOHN: jeez, i hope i didn't punch too hard...
59080	JOHN: wow, she's really down for the count, isn't she.
59081	JOHN: i got a lot of extra punching practice in my fight with the skull jerk.
59082	JOHN: maybe i gained a bit too much man grit for my own good?
59083	TEREZI: WH4T 4R3 YOU T4LK1NG 4BOUT!
59084	TEREZI: DO YOU H4V3 4NY 1D34 WH4T YOU'V3 JUST DON3?
59085	JOHN: yes.
59086	JOHN: i randomly appeared and knocked vriska out cold, just like the scarf told me to.
59087	TEREZI: WH4T SC4RF???
59088	JOHN: um...
59089	JOHN: this one?
59090	TEREZI: YOU W3R3N'T SUPPOS3D TO DO TH1S!
59091	TEREZI: 1 W4S SUPPOS3D TO K1LL H3R!
59092	TEREZI: YOU JUST DOOM3D US 4LL!!!
59093	JOHN: no, no...
59094	JOHN: i mean, yeah, it was supposed to go that way originally!
59095	JOHN: but now it doesn't have to, because of like, weird retcon magic, and also your crazy mind schemes.
59096	TEREZI: M1ND SCH3M3S?!
59097	JOHN: yes.
59098	JOHN: well, you from years in the future, just before you died.
59099	JOHN: i got help from your older, possibly wiser self. you helped me come back here, using the mysteries of the mind.
59100	TEREZI: 1 S33
59101	TEREZI: BUT TH4T DO3S NOT 4NSW3R TH3 MOST 1MPORT4NT QU3ST1ON OF 4LL
59102	JOHN: what.
59103	TEREZI: WHY 4R3 YOU SUCH 4 DORK?!
59104	JOHN: shut up!
59105	TEREZI: L3T M3 S33 TH4T SC4RF
59106	JOHN: no!!
59107	TEREZI: Y3S, G1V3 1T H3R3
59108	JOHN: no, quit it!
59109	TEREZI: YOU FUCK3D W1TH TH3 4LPH4 T1M3L1N3. 1 W4NT 4NSW3RS
59110	JOHN: hey, i had to jump through a lot of your lame prankstery hoops to get here!
59111	JOHN: plus i saved vriska from your back stabbing ways, so you don't need to do that for... whatever stupid reason you were going to?
59112	JOHN: how about a little gratitude!
59113	TEREZI: JUST T3LL M3 WH4T TH3 SC4RF S4YS
59114	TEREZI: 1 N33D TO KNOW WH4T 1 S41D!
59115	JOHN: look, all it says is this list of bloody passwords and instructions, most of which are dumb pranks!
59116	TEREZI: PR4NKS? >:?
59117	JOHN: yeah, i think so.
59118	TEREZI: WHY WOULD 1 S3ND YOU B4CK 1N T1M3 TO PL4Y PR4NKS
59119	JOHN: because you're a weirdo!
59120	TEREZI: SCR3W YOU!
59121	TEREZI: W41T
59122	TEREZI: SO YOU 4CTU4LLY W3R3 TH3 ON3 WHO STOL3 MY DR4GON, 4ND WROT3 THOS3 NOT3S?
59123	JOHN: yeah.
59124	TEREZI: WHY
59125	JOHN: i don't know!
59126	JOHN: you told me to.
59127	JOHN: probably to prevent you from fucking up your life?
59128	TEREZI: 4ND YOU'R3 SUR3 YOU D1DN'T JUST M4K3 4 DOOM3D T1M3L1N3 H3R3?
59129	JOHN: yeah, pretty sure!
59130	JOHN: this is like, a fresh start. from this point on.
59131	TEREZI: G1MM3 TH3 SC4RF
59132	JOHN: no! stop badgering me about the damn scarf!!!
59133	TEREZI: 1T'S M1N3 THOUGH, 1T H4S MY BLOOD ON 1T!
59134	JOHN: no, it belonged to my dear departed FRIEND, her name was *future* terezi!
59135	TEREZI: YOU B4ST4RD >:x
59136	JOHN: look, it doesn't even say anything else, i already did everything!
59137	JOHN: wait...
59138	TEREZI: WH4T
59139	JOHN: ok, there is one last thing i have to do.
59140	TEREZI: WH4T
59141	JOHN: it says i have to give you my wallet.
59142	TEREZI: WH4T??
59143	JOHN: but...
59144	JOHN: i don't actually have my wallet?
59145	TEREZI: YOU DONT?
59146	JOHN: no.
59147	JOHN: i lost it years ago.
59148	JOHN: i think i gave it to...
59149	JOHN: damn. who was it.
59150	JOHN: liv tyler, the bunny?
59151	JOHN: or was it that short chess dude.
59152	JOHN: shit!
59153	TEREZI: WHY WOULD 1 T3LL YOU TO G1V3 M3 YOUR W4LL3T 1F YOU DON'T H4V3 1T
59154	JOHN: i guess you didn't realize i lost it??
59155	JOHN: hell, even i can't remember what items we still have half the time.
59156	JOHN: terezi, just between you, me, unconscious vriska, and that dumb clown there, this adventure has been one huge mess.
59157	TEREZI: WH4T COULD 3V3N B3 SO 1MPORT4NT 4BOUT G1V1NG M3 YOUR W4LL3T?
59158	JOHN: hmm.
59159	JOHN: actually, it says give "her" your wallet.
59160	JOHN: did "her" mean you, or vriska?
59161	TEREZI: ???
59162	JOHN: i guess it's a moot point, since i don't have it.
59163	JOHN: let's just call it one small flaw in your otherwise mostly stupid plan, and get on with our lives.
59164	TEREZI: 1T'S NOT MY PL4N!
59165	JOHN: yes it is!
59166	JOHN: or, was.
59167	JOHN: i mean, will be.
59168	JOHN: or... won't be anymore? now that we changed stuff.
59169	TEREZI: UGH, SHUT UP
59170	TEREZI: M4YB3 1F YOU COULD T3LL M3 *WHY* W3 N33D TH3 W4LL3T, W3 COULD M4K3 OTH3R PL4NS TO COMP3NS4T3?
59171	JOHN: um.
59172	JOHN: i dunno. maybe you need to captcha something really big?
59173	TEREZI: L1K3 WH4T
59174	JOHN: i don't know!
59175	JOHN: it's just some vague crap you wrote on a scarf!
59176	KARKAT: JOHN????
59177	JOHN: oh fuck.
59178	KARKAT: HOW IN THE CONTEMPTIBLE NAME OF MY PERMANENTLY HATE-SOILED JERKOFF TROUSERS CAN YOU ***POSSIBLY*** BE HERE?!
59179	JOHN: no, i'm not doing this!
59180	JOHN: i'm not explaining the retcon shit again!
59181	KARKAT: RET-WHAT SHIT??
59182	KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO VRISKA?
59183	KARKAT: IS
59184	KARKAT: IS THAT *GAMZEE* TIED UP ON THE FLOOR THERE?
59185	KARKAT: WITH A HORN SHOVED IN HIS MOUTH???
59186	GAMZEE: *HONK*
59187	JOHN: sigh.
59188	KARKAT: TEREZI, WHY IS GAMZEE TIED UP ON THE FLOOR.
59189	KARKAT: I WAS SO WORRIED ABOUT YOU. I THOUGHT HE HAD GOTTEN TO YOU FOR SURE.
59190	TEREZI: TH4T 1S SW33T OF YOU K4RK4T, BUT TH3R3 W4S NO N33D TO WORRY
59191	TEREZI: 1 CR4CK3D TH3 C4S3
59192	TEREZI: W1TH 1NV3ST1G4T1ON SK1LLS L1K3 M1N3, 1T W4S 1N3V1T4BL3 >:]
59193	JOHN: (lmao.)
59194	KARKAT: UM, OK???
59195	KARKAT: IT WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE IF SOMEBODY TOLD ME WHAT SORT OF PREPOSTEROUS SHIT WAS TAKING PLACE UP HERE.
59196	KARKAT: WHAT HAPPENED TO VRISKA? WHY IS SHE PASSED OUT ON THE FUCKING FLOOR?!
59197	JOHN: because i punched her in the face.
59198	KARKAT: WHAT
59199	JOHN: you heard me.
59200	KARKAT: OK, JOHN, LISTEN. FIRST OF ALL, SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH.
59201	KARKAT: I DON'T EVEN KNOW *WHERE* TO BEGIN ADDRESSING THE GLOBE NUMBING ABSURDITY OF YOUR SUDDEN PRESENCE ON THIS METEOR.
59202	KARKAT: LET'S JUST AWKWARDLY STRAFE ALONG THE PERIMETER OF THAT HUMONGOUS, STINK-BELCHING TRUNKBEAST IN THE ROOM, AND LET THE VIOLENTLY UNINHIBITED NERD-GRILLING COMMENCE.
59203	KARKAT: *WHY* DID YOU PUNCH VRISKA IN THE FACE??????????
59204	KARKAT: I MEAN...
59205	KARKAT: NOT THAT I NECESSARILY BLAME YOU, BUT STILL.
59206	JOHN: karkat, take it easy.
59207	JOHN: here, read this.
59208	KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS.
59209	JOHN: it's all on the scarf, buddy.
59210	JOHN: it's all on the scarf.
59211	KARKAT: GET THIS NASTY FUCKING RAG OUT OF MY PROXIMITY!
59212	TEREZI: H3Y, TH4T'S M1N3!
59213	KANAYA: Uh
59214	JOHN: oh man.
59215	JOHN: this is turning into a stupid circus.
59216	GAMZEE: *HONK*
59217	JOHN: shh!
59218	JOHN: i should really get out of here.
59219	JOHN: the time line is already boned enough as it is without me hanging around.
59220	KARKAT: WHAT? YOU'RE LEAVING ALREADY??
59221	JOHN: i mean...
59222	JOHN: i guess it doesn't matter THAT much if i'm here?
59223	JOHN: we already changed history like... almost completely?
59224	JOHN: that was kind of the point.
59225	JOHN: vriska's not dead anymore, so that means...
59226	JOHN: wait, what does that actually mean?
59227	KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!!!
59228	KARKAT: WHAT'S THIS SHIT ABOUT VRISKA BEING DEAD? CAN SOMEONE EXPLAIN THIS TO ME!
59229	KANAYA: Vriskas Dead?
59230	KARKAT: NO!!!!!!!!!
59231	KARKAT: SHE'S ASLEEP ON THE FLOOR OVER THERE, THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING!
59232	JOHN: so, that means i'll never be able to get the life ring from tavros...
59233	JOHN: but i already have the ring? so i guess that doesn't matter?
59234	SOLLUX: wh0's talking.
59235	JOHN: wait, does this really mean vriska's ghost stops existing, or...
59236	JOHN: is her ghost just going to keep existing in the dream bubbles because of "reasons"?
59237	KANAYA: Karkat What Is He Doing Here
59238	KARKAT: WOW, GREAT QUESTION!
59239	KARKAT: WHY DON'T YOU TAKE A FUCKING NUMBER AND GET IN LINE FOR THAT ONE!!!
59240	KARKAT: I'VE ALREADY GOT MINE! IT'S THE FIRST NUMBER THERE IS. AN ANGRY, TREMBLING DIGIT, TOWERING AND ERECT, POINTING DIRECTLY AT THE TRASHFACED KINGPIN OF INEXPLICABLE HORSESHIT HIMSELF, *GOD*!!!!!
59241	JOHN: and if i never ended up meeting her ghost...
59242	JOHN: i guess i never stuck my hand in the house thing to get the retcon powers in the first place, so how...
59243	JOHN: god damn it.
59244	KARKAT: HER GHOST??????
59245	KARKAT: HE'S TALKING ABOUT GHOSTS EVERYBODY!
59246	KARKAT: EVERYBODY LISTEN, HE'LL SURELY EXPLAIN EVERYTHING ANY SECOND NOW! THIS SHOULD BE GREAT!
59247	SOLLUX: can s0me0ne please tell me wh0 is talking.
59248	KARKAT: SHHHHH, SOLLUX PIPE DOWN! HE'S ABOUT TO SPILL THE FART NIBLETS, I CAN FEEL IT!!!!!!!!!!!
59249	JOHN: ok guys, really, i've messed with your time line enough as it is.
59250	JOHN: sorry for clocking you, vriska, if you can hear me in your dreams. haha, you probably can't.
59251	JOHN: but hey, i guess this means i get to meet alive you soon, instead of ghost you? so that's neat.
59252	KARKAT: EGBERT DON'T YOU DARE FUCK OFF
59253	JOHN: please tell her i'm sorry for punching her in the face.
59254	JOHN: but also, she's welcome for saving her life.
59255	JOHN: i'll see you guys later. um, in three years to be precise.
59256	KARKAT: WHAT???
59257	KARKAT: NO, DON'T
59258	KARKAT: YOU STAY THE HELL PUT. DO YOU HEAR ME YOU UGLY, PEEJAY PACKING, FLAPSNIFFING SHIT INFANT
59259	JOHN: bye dude!
59260	KANAYA: I Suddenly Dont Understand Anything And Am Currently Casting Sincere Doubt On The Laughable Insinuation That I Or Anyone Else Ever Actually Did For Even A Single Moment
59261	SOLLUX: kanaya, d0n't be such a damn n00b.
59262	SOLLUX: the explanation for all the stuff i just heard is s0 0bvi0us.
59263	KANAYA: What Is The Explanation
59264	SOLLUX: mutha.
59265	SOLLUX: fuckin.
59266	SOLLUX: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/trollcool.gif" border="0" /> shenanigans. <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/trollcool.gif" border="0" />
59267	TO JOIN ME, FOR...
59268	THE FRUITS OF MY ARTISTIC TOILS ARE FINALLY AT HAND. YOU'RE WELCOME IN ADVANCE FOR THE NARRATIVE MAJESTY YOU ARE ABOUT TO WITNESS. IT COST LITERALLY MILLIONS OF CALCOINS TO PRODUCE. AS WELL AS MOST OF MY ATTENTION SPAN FOR ANY FURTHER CREATIVE ENDEAVORS. BUT YOU WILL PROBABLY AGREE, TEARFULLY. THAT IT IS WORTH ALL OF THIS EXPENSE, AND MORE. TO SEE MY TINY ACTORS OF LIVING PUTTY, *DANCE*.
59269	GET READY. TO GET DAZZLED. AS I FUCKING DESTROY THE TRANSCENDENTAL BOUNDARIES OF "UNCONVENTIONAL MEDIA".
59270	(THAT JUJU CHEST SHOULDN'T BE MOVING. SORRY. I BUMPED IT.)
59271	THE TALE MY MASTERPIECE DESCRIBES, IS BASICALLY A SPOILER TO THE ENDING OF THINGS. IT TAKES PLACE IN A FUTURE MOMENT. LONG BEYOND WHEN WE, YOU, OR I HAVE ANY BUSINESS SEEING WHAT HAPPENS.
59272	BUT I FOUND OUT AND LEARNED OF THIS SPOILER. I SAW IT ONCE, ON ONE OF MY PLANET'S MANY SCREENS. THE LAND OF "COLOURS". AND THE LAND OF "MAYHEM". IT KNOWS ALL. AND IT WILL SHOW ANYTHING TO ANY MAN. WHO IS WILLING TO FIND THE RIGHT KEY. AND IT TURNS OUT THAT JUST SUCH A MAN. IS THE MAN THAT IS ME!
59273	NOT WITH THE CRUDE 2 DIMENSIONAL SHAPES FROM MY COMPUTER PENCIL. BUT WITH THE LAVISH 2+ DIMENSIONAL FORMS OF MY GROUND BREAKING CLAY PUPPETS. BEHOLD AS I INNOVATE OBJECTS OF ARTISTIC EXPRESSION, WHICH YOU TRASHY FUCK MUNCHES NEVER THOUGHT TO PIONEER BEFORE IN A MILLION YEARS. HERE'S A SHOT OF ME BOWING IN ADVANCE FOR BEING GREAT!
59274	I WILL TELL YOU WHAT I SAW IN THE SCREEN. BELIEVE ME WHEN I SAY, THAT IT HAPPENED PRECISELY AS I SHOW YOU HERE. SHOT FOR SHOT.
59275	THIS TAKES PLACE AFTER I GET THE MAGIC RAINBOW EYES. AND YET, STILL BEFORE I AM HUGE AND WEAR A DAPPER TRENCH COAT FOR WINNERS. BUT AS YOU CAN SEE. AT THIS POINT, IN MY RISE TO DOMINANT INVINCIBILITY. I'M FEELING PRETTY CHUFFED ABOUT MYSELF. MY POWER IS SICK, AND MY SPECIAL EYE BALLS ARE GNARLY AS CAN BE. I WOULD TELL YOU I CAN HARDLY WAIT TO BE THIS COOL, BUT AS YOU KNOW. I AM A MAN OF PATIENCE AND APLOMB.
59276	I'VE GOT MY JUJU CHEST THERE. WHICH I WILL WIN AS SOME CHOICE BOOTY, FROM VICTORIOUSLY SLAUGHTERING MY DENIZEN. KING YALDOBOB. INSIDE IS A MIGHTY WEAPON. WHICH WILL COME INTO PLAY A LITTLE LATER. IN MY THEATER OF WOBBLING PUPPET DRAMA. IT'S LIKE THEY SAY ABOUT THE THEATER. IF YOU SEE A JUJU IN ACT ONE. THEN THE JUJU WILL PROBABLY BE USED RIGHT AWAY IN ACT ONE. TO MAKE EVERYTHING MORE EXCITING, AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.
59277	ALSO, WHICH I SHOULD MENTION...
59278	I'M NOT SURE HOW I COME ABOUT THIS LATER. MUCH LIKE THE CLOCKWORK LASERS, AND PRIMO FASHION JACKET. IT'S A RING, THAT FOUND ITS WAY TO ME SOMEHOW. A GOLDEN RING OF VOID. IT BECOMES MINE ONE DAY. THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING, I NEVER KNEW I ALWAYS WANTED, YET SOMEHOW, PREEMPTIVELY COVETED. IT LETS ME STAY CLOSE TO THE DARKNESS. TO VANISH, AND APPEAR AGAIN, IN PLACES I HAVE NO BUSINESS FUCKING WITH. FULL OF PLUMP AND MEATY PEOPLE. ALIVE AND LIVING. WHO ONE DAY, WILL PLEAD WITH THE GODS. BEGGING THEM TO CURSE MY NAME.
59279	THE CLASSIC HONK FRIEND. MY RABBIT PAL FOR LIFE. AND MY FLOPPY PUPPET BUDDY. I'M BOSSING THEM AROUND, BEING THE SHIT, AS ALWAYS. WHATEVER.
59280	EIGHT ASSHOLES SNUGGED UP IN THEIR GOOFY PAJAMAS APPEAR OUT OF NOWHERE, FOR SOME WRESTLING ROYALE WITH YOURS TRULY. THEY ALL STEAL A RIDE WITH THE WIND PRICK'S SNAPPY GHOST MAGIC, TO CATCH ME UNAWARES. IT WORKED! JUDGING FROM MY SKULL EXPRESSION, I WAS REALLY REALLY SURPRISED.
59281	MY SKULL TURNS GIDDY, AND SINISTER. BECAUSE I KNOW IN MY HEART THAT TRULY, THEY ARE ABOUT TO GET OWNED.
59282	I CAN TELL THEY ARE PSYCHED ABOUT THIS. LIKE THEY HAVE BEEN PLANNING IT, AND BIDING THEIR TIME, AND NOW THEY THINK THEY ARE STRONG ENOUGH TO OVERTAKE ME, IF ONLY BECAUSE OF THE SURPRISINGNESS OF THEIR AMBUSH. AND MAYBE THEY ARE EVEN RIGHT. MAYBE THEY COULD BEAT ME. THEY HAVE A LOT OF FIGHTING LEVELS AND MAGIC BOONS NOW, JUST LIKE ME. BUT SEE. I DON'T EVEN GIVE THEM THE CHANCE.
59283	AND I SEE NO REASON NOT TO USE IT RIGHT AWAY. WHAT WOULD BE A FUCKING POINT, IN HOLDING OUT? SUSPENSE?? BULLLL SHIT. I PULLED OUT THE BIG GUNS NIGH INSTANTANEOUSLY, BECAUSE I THINK LIKE A GREAT WINNER.
59284	BUT LIKE MOST THINGS THAT ARE GOOD. THE THING HAS LIMITATIONS.
59285	ALL JUJUS HAVE RULES. THE COOLER THE JUJU. THE TRICKIER THE RULES. FOR ONE THING. THIS WEAPON COULD ONLY BE USED AGAINST FOUR GUYS AT A TIME. BECAUSE ITS SHAPE HAS. LIKE FOUR SLOTS OR SOMETHING. SO I CHOOSE MY TARGETS CAREFULLY.
59286	I SELECT THE FOUR OF THESE JOKERS, WHO I DEEM THE GREATEST THREAT TO ME. THE BLUE PHILISTINE WITH THE BELLIGERENT FISTS, OF COURSE. SO HE CAN'T OWN ME AGAIN, WITH HURTFUL INSULTS TO MY ART. AND ALSO THE ALPHA MALE AND HIS SMOOTH WAYS, SAY GOODBYE TO HIM TOO. I COULDNT RISK MESSING WITH HIS SWORD, WHICH I UNDERSTAND TO BE THE ONLY THING IN REALITY THAT IS POISON TO MY INVINCIBILITY. BECAUSE OF AN ILLEGAL INGREDIENT, A WHITE ROUNDCIRCLE OF TOTAL KNOWLEDGE.
59287	OH, I TARGETED THEIR TWO CORRESPONDING FEMALES AS WELL, BECAUSE WHY NOT. THE DOG ONE IS A NIGHTMARE OF POWERS, AND THE ORANGE ONE PERTURBS ME WITH HER DICTIONARY BLITHER.
59288	GOOD RIDDANCE TO BAD TEENS!!!
59289	THEIR SOULS WERE TRAPPED IN MY JUJU. FOREVER.
59290	THIS SOLVES ONE PROBLEM FOR ME. BUT STARTS ANOTHER. THE JUJU WHEN ITS SHAPES ARE FILLED. CHANGES IN NATURE. IT STOPS BEING A WEAPON I CAN USE, EVER AGAIN. IT'S WEIRD, AND A BIT LAME, BUT YOU CAN'T BE TOO PICKY ABOUT AWESOME JUJUS. YOU HAVE TO TAKE THE GOOD WITH THE BAD. ONCE I USED IT...
59291	LIKE A HOLE. A GAP, IN THE TEETH OF MY STORY. THAT NOW EXISTS, AS A DANGEROUS LIABILITY TO ME PERSONALLY. IT CAN ONLY EVER BE USED AS A WEAPON AGAINST ME, FROM NOW ON. SUCH IS WHAT YOLOBROTH, THE GREAT LEWD SNAKE, WILL TELL ME ABOUT THE JUJU WHEN WE MEET. SO AFTER USING IT, IT MADE ME NERVOUS.
59292	I TRAPPED IT BACK IN THE CHEST! AND BANISHED IT AWAY, WHERE NO ONE WOULD EVER FIND IT. DEEP IN THE BOWELS OF THE FURTHEST RING. USING MY RING-BASED COMMUNION WITH THE VOID. POOF!!!!!!!!!!! GOOD LUCK DIGGING THAT ONE UP, HATERS. IT IS *NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN*.
59293	WITH THE FIRST FOUR BANISHED, THE TEAM OF HEROES WAS CUT IN HALF, TO BE MUCH EASIER FOR ME TO DEVASTATE. A SMUTTY SWORDSMAN, AN UNDERPANTS WIMP, AND TWO FLIPPANT BIMBOS? I WOULD CALL IT A CAKE WALK. BUT WHEN YOU ARE THIS COCKY AND BRASH. YOU DON'T WALK. YOU STRUT. NO MATTER WHAT KIND OF DESSERT YOU FIND UNDER YOUR FEET.
59294	I AM STILL IN POSSESSION OF THE SWORDMAN'S JUJU. HIS FLOPPY FRIEND OF CHILDHOOD. THE ONE WHICH I RECOGNIZED TO BE AN EMPTY HUSK. HE DEMANDS FROM ME, THAT HE WANTS IT BACK. PRESUMABLY FOR EMOTIONAL SUPPORT. I CAN IN NO WAY BLAME HIM.
59295	KEEP AN EYE ON THIS ONE. THE FORESHADOWING OF HIM, IS PRE-IMPORTANT FOR LATER.
59296	THE FRACAS IS LOUD AND LARGE. POWER LEVELS ARE OFF THE CHARTS. YOU CAN'T EVEN FOLLOW WHAT'S HAPPENING WITH YOUR EYES!
59297	IT'S ALL TOO EASY, FOR AN ASCENDED LORD BOY LIKE ME. I HAVE A PLATTER FULL OF KNUCKLE SANDWICHES TO GO AROUND, PLUS OTHER HUMAN FOOD PRODUCTS YOU'RE FAMILIAR WITH, BUT ALSO INVOLVING KNUCKLES TO MAKE THE PUNCHING METAPHOR WORK. THERE IS *MORE* THAN ENOUGH TO SATISFY EVERY HUNGRY FIST-DESERVER.
59298	AND I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING. THAT I HAVE. A *REPUTATION*. FOR HAVING A PROBLEM OF UNFAIR CRUELTY THAT GOES AT SILLY LADIES MORE THAN GREAT GENTLEMEN. TO WHICH I TAKE GREAT OFFENSE. BUT STILL, LET IT BE UNCONDITIONALLY ACCEPTED, THAT I AM A FAIR MAN, WHO LISTENS TO CRITICISM, AND WORKS EVER AND ALWAYS. TO IMPROVE MY MASTERFUL CRAFT. AND MY TREMENDOUS DECENCY.
59299	I HAVE COMMITTED, THROUGH A PLEDGE OF PERSONAL BEAUTIFICATION. TO TRY DOING LESS MISOGYNY. AND START DOING MORE PROSOGYNY. IN FACT. I FUCKING LOVE SOGYNY! AND I WILL *F*I*G*H*T* ANYONE WHO DISAGREES FROM THAT.
59300	HENCEWITH. LOOK. ALL BODILY TERRORISM. IS BEING DEALT IN A PRECISELY EQUAL AND RESPECTFUL WAY. BOTH TO FEEBLE HOE, AND TIP-TOP GENT ALIKE.
59301	IT'S NOT A CONTEST. THEY ARE A BUNCH OF PITIFUL EMOTION CHILDREN, AND I AM A PREMIER, INVINCIBLE TITAN OF ROUGHHOUSE BRUTALITY. IT'S TOO EASY. SPEEDO BOY IS DOWN FOR THE COUNT, BECAUSE I SLAPPED HIM GINGERLY. THE MASKED FLOOZY IS LOOKING A BIT... WOOZY (HA HA.) THE CAKE MAID TOOK ONE DRUB TOO MANY AND HAS TO LIE DOWN FOR AN OVERWEIGHT NAP. THIS LEAVES ME, MANO & MANO, AGAINST THE ANIME PRINCE AND HIS NONSENSE TROUSERS.
59302	BECAUSE HE'S STRONG, AND I ADMIRE THAT. WHY SHOULDN'T I LET A BATTLE HAPPEN FOR LONGER, WHEN TWO TOUGH DUDES ARE INVOLVED, STRUTTING THEIR STUFF. BUT IN THE END, HIS SHARP GLASSES AND SWORD MACHISMO WEREN'T ENOUGH. I GOT THE SUPREME DROP ON HIS POWERFUL BODY WITH MY WRESTLING MOVES.
59303	I MADE, ADMITTEDLY, THE AMATEUR'S BONER. I TURNED MY BACK ON THE BODY.
59304	THE CRYBABY IN THE YELLOW PANTIES GOT UPSET WITH ME. THAT I WAS WAILING SO EXCELLENTLY ON HIS INCREASINGLY BATTERED PRETTYBOY NINJA STUD.
59305	I MEAN HE THREW A FULLY FLEDGED TANTRUM OF *PURE HOPE*.
59306	IT WAS BLINDING. BEAUTIFUL EVEN.
59307	OK, MAYBE THE COTTON ISN'T DOING IT JUSTICE. HMM.
59308	OK, YEAH, MAYBE THAT JUST LOOKS STUPID.
59309	YOU KNOW, YOU TRY THINGS. AND SOMETIMES. IT JUST LOOKS LIKE SHIT. LET'S CALL THIS. MY ONE AND ONLY FUCKUP IN HISTORY.
59310	SECOND ONLY TO UNDERESTIMATING THIS SAD SACK WUSS OF HOPE. WHO KNEW THAT SUCH A SIMPERING CHARLATAN. HAD SUCH AN OUTBURST STOWED IN HIS GIRLY BOSOM. CLEARLY, NOT I. EVEN THOUGH I HAD THE INFORMATION WELL IN ADVANCE. IT WAS JUST *THAT* SURPRISING.
59311	EVEN TO THE CLOCKWORK MANJUNK. IT LOOKED LIKE I THOUGHT I COULD USE MY RAINBOW SEIZURE FIELD TO OVERPOWER HIS MASSIVE GAY HOPE BUBBLE. ALAS. IT WAS MY PERFECTLY JUSTIFIED HUBRIS WHICH BIT ME IN THE ASS, IN THE END. EVEN THOUGH I'M SURE I MUST HAVE KNOWN THIS OUTCOME WAS GOING TO HAPPEN. (IT CAN STILL BE WORTH IT TO GET OWNED. IF IT MEANS HAVING A LOT OF SELF ESTEEMED HUBRIS ABOUT YOURSELF.)
59312	AND SO, THE ENGLISH BOY DEALS ME MY FIRST DEFEAT EVER, SINCE ASCENDING AS AN INVINCIBLE TECHNICOLOR TIME KID.
59313	AND LAND SQUARE ON MY BOTTOM. I REMAIN PRONE FOR SEVERAL MINUTES, STARING AT THE CEILING. BLINKING A BIT. PONDERING WHERE THINGS WENT WRONG IN LIFE. HOW I. THE LORD OF TIME. COULD EXPERIENCE SUCH WOEFUL OWNAGE.
59314	THERE IS NO BODILY HARM OF COURSE. EXCEPT TO MY INCREDIBLE EGO. WHICH IS A FATE WORSE THAN GETTING BROKEN BONES. SO I JUST LIE THERE. THINKING SADLY. ACHIEVING SOME DEPRESSION.
59315	I'M SURE AT THIS POINT. I TURN TO THOUGHTS OF RESPECT. RESPECT FOR THE PANSIED ASS, PRETTY LEGGED PAGE. AND HIS MAYBE ACCIDENTAL PROWESS. I UNDER MISESTIMATED HIM, AND ADMIRATION HAPPENS IN MY BREAST. MAYBE I'LL JACK HIS SWAGGER TOO, AS HE ONCE DID MINE. MAYBE AFTER A LIFETIME OF UTTERLY DESERVED HUMILIATION, SOBBING, AND SPONTANEOUS URINATION. HE'S EARNED THAT MUCH.
59316	(THE CLUE HERE IS THAT I STEAL HIS NAME. GOD. YOU THICK, STUPID FUCKS. WHY DO I BOTHER WITH SUB TEXTS, OR FINE LITERATUREY NUANCE. GOD. FUCK! GOD. I TAKE HIS NAME LATER. ENGLISH. THAT'S ME LATER. THAT'S MY NAME. YOU STUPID BRAINLESS FUCKS. HOLY SHIT, YOU ARE DUMB AS BOZOS COME. GOD!!!)
59317	AND SEES HIS CHANCE TO DO AWAY WITH ME FOR GOOD. HE KNOWS BY NOW THAT HE CAN'T KILL ME. BUT CAN DO HIS NEXT BEST THING. WHICH IS TO BANISH MY SOUL.
59318	HE'S HURT BAD AND IS SLOW TO USE HIS PINK SOUL KILLING SPELL. THIS GIVES ME TIME TO REBOUND FROM MY SHAMEFUL ASS WHOOPING TOO. AND PULL MY SORRY BUTT OUT OF THE OWN ZONE.
59319	I NEARLY GET THE DROP ON HIM BEFORE HE RELEASES HIS SPELL. BUT THEN... WHAT'S THIS?
59320	THERE'S A COMMOTION. THE HAUNTING SOUND OF NEIGHS. EXCEPT. THEY'RE ROBOT NEIGHS?
59321	THAT IS WHEN THE HORSES COME IN TO PLAY. THE GOD DAMN HORSES. HOW TRULY AND UTTERLY IRONIC. THAT MY VERY DEMISE COULD BE IN THE PROXIMITY OF SOME HORSES. WHAT. NO REALLY, WHAT. I DIDN'T FOLLOW THAT. I'M STILL NOT FOLLOWING IT, TO BE HONEST. I'LL HAVE TO THINK IT OVER. I'M THINKING IT OVER *RIGHT NOW*. AND I HAVE A FEELING. I'LL BE THINKING IT OVER FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. PERHAPS WE ALL WILL.
59322	WAIT, THEY SHOULD BE ROBOTS.
59323	HOLD ON WHILE I PAINT THE HORSES TO LOOK LIKE METAL HORSES. DAMN, THE WORK OF A CRAFTYMAN IS NEVER DONE.
59324	I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON. SO I'M REALLY DISTRACTED. I'M SAYING TO MYSELF, THIS IS OMINOUS AS SHIT. NOTHING GOOD CAN EITHER FOLLOW OR PRECEDE AN EVENT SUCH AS THIS. AND THEN, THAT'S WHEN IT HAPPENS.
59325	I HAVE NO IDEA WHO HE IS. OR WHERE HE CAME FROM. JUDGING FROM THE FACE OF THE GUYS, THEY DON'T EITHER. NOBODY SEES THIS COMING. IT IS A TOTAL AMBUSCADE, AND MY SKELETON JAW IS DROPPED AS SHIT. HE PINS ME IN PLACE WITH HIS RIPPED MUSCLES, AND I'M COMPLETELY IMMOBILIZED. PARTLY BECAUSE OF THE *STRENGTH*, BUT ALSO DUE TO MY AWE AND ADMIRATION. I JUST CAN'T MOVE.
59326	TO DO HIS FLAMBOYANT PINK SPELL.
59327	IT OWNS ME COMPLETELY. BUT SADLY TO DIRK MAYBE, IT ALSO OWNS THE MUSCLE HERO. BOTH OF OUR SOULS ARE CONSUMED BY THE ENCHANTMENT.
59328	BUT HE BIT OFF MORE THAN HIS FLESHY SKULL COULD CHEW. SO HE USED HIS "IRONY" AGAIN. AND STUCK MY SOUL IN HIS JUJU. EXACTLY THE WAY. I STUCK HIS BUDDIES IN MY JUJU. THE ONE I GOT FROM YODELBOOGER. IT'S LIKE POETIC JUSTICE I GUESS. EXCEPT PUPPETRY, INSTEAD OF POETRY. SO PUPPETIC JUSTICE. OH YES. I LIKE THAT.
59329	THE MUSCLE GHOST CAME ALONG FOR THE RIDE. AND I GUESS HIS SOUL GOT TRAPPED IN THERE TOO? I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THAT MEANS. HONESTLY IT IS DISTURBING AS HELL. AND I'D PREFER NOT TO DWELL ON ITS GREATER RAMIFICATIONS TO MY LONG TERM EXISTENCE. MAYBE IT'S GOOD? OR MAYBE IT'S DUMB. MAYBE IT'S. GOOD AND DUMB. OR SMART AND BAD. THERE ARE SO MANY WORDS THINGS CAN BE WHEN YOU'RE CONFUSED.
59330	HIS BELOVED JUJU IS NO LONGER A HOLLOW VESSEL. IT IS VERY MUCH CROWDED IN THERE, CHOCK FULL OF SOULS, BELONGING TO HARDCORE BRAWLING BRUTES. AND HE KNOWS IT. HIS PUPPET IS NOW A PROBLEM TO DO AWAY WITH, JUST LIKE MY JUJU WAS. SO THEY DO THE SAME BASIC THING. THEY GET THEIR DRUNKARD SORCERESS OF VOID TO BANISH THE PUPPET ONCE AND FOR ALL, INTO THE DARKNESS. NEVER TO BE FOUND AGAIN BY PROBING HANDS OF MEAT.
59331	BUT NOT NEVER TO RESURFACE. OH NO.
59332	YOU SEE, MY SOUL IS A TENACIOUS ONE. I KNOW THIS FACT FIRST HAND, BECAUSE IT HAS BEEN INSIDE MY BRAIN ALL MY LIFE! IT'S A REAL MOTHER FUCKER, I'LL TELL YOU THAT MUCH. THE PUPPET'S ESSENCE WILL FLOP AND FLUTTER THROUGH THE SHADOWS FOR ETERNITY. SURFACING IN THE NIGHTMARES OF THE UNSUSPECTING. WEASELING ITS WAY INTO THE HEARTS OF YUCKY SHITTY CHILDREN. AND WHEN ITS INFILTRATION IN THAT UNIVERSE HAS TAKEN HOLD, THE SEED WILL HAVE BEEN PLANTED. AND IT WILL PAVE THE WAY FOR MY EMERGENCE, TO WREAK MY BADNESS. FROM UNIVERSE. TO UNIVERSE. TO UNIVERSE. EACH ONE WILL FALL. AND EACH TIME I WILL GET STRONGER. AND OLDER. AND BIGGER. AND BUFFER! OHHHHHHHHHHH YES.
59333	IT WILL BE TIME.
59334	I MUST PUT DOWN THE TOYS AND WAYS OF A CHILD. AND CONFRONT THE BIG THINGS OF BECOMING A HUGE MAN. BY DUELING THE SUPREME BEAST OF MY LEGEND LAND, HIS SERPENTINE EMINENCE, YOGURTBONER HIMSELF. I'M ABOUT TO GO FIGHT HIM NOW, SO THIS IS THE LAST TIME YOU WILL EVER HEAR MY EXCELLENT VOICE.
59335	I WILL DUEL AND CRUSH MY SLITHERING SEXUAL SNAKE BOSS, TO FINISH WHAT I STARTED WHEN I STEPPED MY METAL FOOT INTO THIS CHILDREN'S FARCE. I WILL DO THAT BECAUSE I WANT TO, AND WHEN THAT IS SAID AND DONE, AND YOU SEE ME AT THE PEAK OF A MOUNTAIN OF TROPHIES, RESTING ON MY THRONE OF PRIZES, I WANT TO GET TO TELL YOU THAT I DID WHAT I WANTED TO DO. SO IF YOU REMEMBER JUST ONE THING I SAY, OF SO MANY GREAT THINGS SAID BY ME, THEN PLEASE REMEMBER THIS.
59336	I WANTED TO PLAY A GAME.
59337	DAVE: is it time yet
59338	VRISKA: No.
59339	DAVE: oh
59340	DAVE: how about now
59341	VRISKA: No!!!!!!!!
59342	VRISKA: Dave, we've 8een w8ing for three years.
59343	VRISKA: Three years is a pretty long time. Long enough for me to have picked up the ha8it of calling them years instead of the far more sensi8le unit of measurement, sweeps.
59344	VRISKA: I think you should 8e a8le to survive just a little longer.
59345	DAVE: i still dont understand whats supposed to happen
59346	DAVE: hes just supposed to like
59347	DAVE: appear?
59348	VRISKA: That's my understanding, yes.
59349	DAVE: you mean
59350	DAVE: here
59351	DAVE: on this frog circle thing
59352	VRISKA: I don't know!
59353	VRISKA: Somewhere in this session. At which point, if he has any 8rain at all, he'll seek us out.
59354	DAVE: so jade came on a gold ship through a tiny window apparently
59355	DAVE: but john wasnt on it??
59356	VRISKA: Well, his corpse was, somewhere.
59357	VRISKA: 8ut that John doesn't matter anymore.
59358	VRISKA: Kind of like how there was a 8ird version of you out there, now presumed dead, who also didn't matter.
59359	VRISKA: The "real" John and the other Lalonde girl will spontaneously appear from a different reality.
59360	VRISKA: I determined a lot of this through my time travel reconaissance work upon arriving in this session.
59361	VRISKA: Sorry to steal all the timey thunder from the gr8 "Knight of Time", end quote, 8ut someone had to take the initi8tive and go on a fact-finding mission.
59362	DAVE: no its cool
59363	DAVE: you can have that thunder if you want it
59364	ROSE: When exactly is this supposed to happen?
59365	VRISKA: Soon!
59366	ROSE: And she's...
59367	ROSE: Unhurt?
59368	ROSE: Will she remember our brief encounter?
59369	VRISKA: This is a totally different Lalonde girl. Things went differently for her, so she'll have different memories.
59370	VRISKA: I have no idea if you and she interacted at all in her timeline.
59371	VRISKA: I don't know the full extent of John's alt-reality experiences either. 8ut apparently things went raw for them in a8out as many ways as you can imagine.
59372	VRISKA: Presuma8ly 8ecause I wasn't around to keep everyone's shit in order.
59373	TAVROSPRITE: oHHHHHH,
59374	TAVROSPRITE: sNAP,!
59375	VRISKA: ::::)
59376	TAVROSPRITE: aHAHA, bUT YEAH, i AGREE WITH THE SENTIMENT LARGELY,
59377	TAVROSPRITE: oF YOU BEING MORE COMPETENT, tHAN MOST PEOPLE IN GENERAL, vRISKA,
59378	VRISKA: Thanks, Tavros!
59379	TAVROSPRITE: }:)
59380	KARKAT: HEY, LOOK
59381	KARKAT: I KNOW I'M NOT CONSIDERED "IMPORTANT" ENOUGH TO BE "IN THE LOOP" ON CERTAIN KEY TACTICAL DECISIONS ANYMORE
59382	KARKAT: AND THAT I DON'T REALLY KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON MOST OF THE TIME AND THEREFORE AM FORCED TO TAKE ANY BULLSHIT THAT HAPPENS WITH A GRAIN OF SNACK MINERAL BIG ENOUGH TO BLUDGEON A MAN TO DEATH
59383	KARKAT: BUT IF IT'S NOT TOO MUCH TROUBLE VRISKA, MAYBE YOU COULD TAKE A MOMENT TO EXPLAIN WHY TAVROS IS NOW A SPRITE?!
59384	KARKAT: AND EQUIUS TOO, AND ALSO, WHY EQUIUS IS WEARING A NEW PAIR OF MORONIC LOOKING SUNGLASSES.
59385	KARKAT: THANKS IN ADVANCE!!!
59386	VRISKA: Sorry if you're having trou8le keeping up with the times, Karkat.
59387	VRISKA: I didn't explain it 8ecause I thought the nature of the development was fairly self evident?
59388	VRISKA: I mean, no offense, 8ut I didn't hear anyone else voicing any confusion.
59389	VRISKA: What a8out you, Kanaya. Did you think it was fairly self evident?
59390	KANAYA: I Thought It Was Fairly Self Evident
59391	VRISKA: Yeah. See????????
59392	KANAYA: You Apparently Took It Upon Yourself To Prototype The Three Year Old Cadavers Of Two Of Our Deceased Friends
59393	KARKAT: NO, I GOT THAT!
59394	KARKAT: I'M NOT A FUCKING IDIOT.
59395	KARKAT: I MEAN, WHERE DID YOU FIND THESE UNPROTOTYPED KERNELS? DIDN'T THESE PEOPLE ALREADY ENTER THEIR SESSION?
59396	VRISKA: Yes, they did MONTHS ago, from the current frame of reference. 8ut this is a VOID session, Karkat.
59397	VRISKA: I thought we talked a8out this?
59398	KARKAT: ??????
59399	VRISKA: A void session 8y definition is one where the players enter the game with the kernels unprototyped.
59400	VRISKA: As such, it 8ecomes totally dysfunctional. It can't 8ear fruit, 8ecause there's no 8attlefield in Skaia, unless you go to the trou8le of putting one there of course.
59401	VRISKA: Which the Condesce has already done for us! Via "Grim8ark Jade", prior to our arrival. Quite consider8te of her, really.
59402	VRISKA: This is aside from the point though. The 8ottom line is, this session comes courtesy with four unprototyped kernels, waiting to 8e put to use.
59403	VRISKA: So, not 8eing one to let a sweet perk go to waste, I took initi8tive and put two of them to use myself.
59404	VRISKA: Really, this is some 8asic stuff, and I'm SURE we went over it all at one point during our trip.
59405	ROSE: We did.
59406	ROSE: Karkat, don't you remember when I walked everyone through this?
59407	ROSE: I was making extensive notes in my journal. When I looked away for a moment, you and Dave wrested the tome away, and began scribbling phalluses in it while giggling like children.
59408	KARKAT: UM, MAYBE?!
59409	KARKAT: I GUESS THAT RINGS A DONG SHOUTER.
59410	DAVE: (a what? dude lmao)
59411	KARKAT: (WHAT? SHUT UP.)
59412	KARKAT: LOOK, A LOT HAS HAPPENED IN THREE YEARS. WE'VE ALL BEEN THROUGH... STUFF.
59413	KARKAT: AM I REALLY EXPECTED TO REMEMBER EVERY TEDIOUS MORSEL OF EXPOSITION FROM OUR RESIDENT LIGHT-BORES?
59414	VRISKA: Rose, get a load of this ungr8teful philistine! He doesn't deserve our fucking acumen.
59415	VRISKA: 8etween your nerdish o8session over the knowledge granted 8y our aspect, and my unprecedented a8ility to weaponize said knowledge with ruthless gamesmanship, we are dou8le-handedly saving the asses of everyone on this team.
59416	ROSE: I'm glad at least one person here appreciates this categorical certainty.
59417	KANAYA: (Hey I Appreciate That Categorical Certainty!)
59418	ROSE: (Whom do you think I was referring to?) ;)
59419	KARKAT: WOW OK, WHAT THE FUCK EVER TO THAT VAINGLORIOUS LOAD OF CRAP.
59420	KARKAT: I'M STILL SPOUTING OFF HERE!
59421	KARKAT: I THINK
59422	VRISKA: That's fine, Karkat!
59423	VRISKA: Take all the time you need to collect yourself, and continue frothing at the mouth whenever you're ready.
59424	KARKAT: OK, I FIGURED OUT SOME STUFF I'M STILL EITHER PISSED OFF AND/OR CONFUSED ABOUT.
59425	KARKAT: YOU SAY THERE ARE FOUR KERNELS HERE...
59426	KARKAT: YOU KNOW, WE *DID* LOSE MORE THAN TWO FRIENDS ON THAT METEOR.
59427	KARKAT: WHICH REMINDS ME, I GUESS I SHOULD SAY... HI TAVROS AND EQUIUS, AGAIN??? NICE TO SEE YOU GUYS BACK WITH US, SORT OF.
59428	KARKAT: PARDON ME IF I CAN'T GET TOO SENTIMENTAL ABOUT THE REUNION, SINCE ALONG THE WAY HERE, WE RAN INTO ABOUT TEN DIFFERENT VERSIONS OF YOUR STUPID GHOSTS.
59429	KARKAT: THAT KIND OF LETS A LITTLE AIR OUT OF THE POIGNANCY BALLOON, SORRY!
59430	TAVROSPRITE: hEY BUDDY, };)
59431	KARKAT: DON'T WINK AT ME
59432	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Greetings old friend
59433	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Not to worry, I have stored enough poignancy in my heaving, balloon-like pectorals for the both of us
59434	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Though I should clarify that appro%imately half of my personally couldn't give the faintest fidgeting horse dump about you or your sentimental notions
59435	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Also I am very busy here, so stop talking to me completely
59436	VRISKA: Hahahaha!!!!!!!!
59437	VRISKA: Oh man. Classic.
59438	DAVE: haha...ha
59439	KARKAT: OK, THAT WAS WEIRD?
59440	DAVE: (um... yeah)
59441	KARKAT: AND SPEAKING OF WEIRD, ONE THING THAT BUGS ME ABOUT THIS IS...
59442	KARKAT: I GUESS IT IMPLIES YOU'VE BEEN HORDING THE BODIES OF OUR DEAD FRIENDS FOR THE PAST THREE YEARS?!
59443	KARKAT: THAT'S A BIT FUCKED UP! EVEN FOR YOU.
59444	KARKAT: AND NOT TO GET TOO MACABRE, BUT I WOULD HAVE THOUGHT THEY WOULD HAVE LIKE, ROTTED BY NOW OR SOMETHING.
59445	VRISKA: Yes, there was some moder8te decomposition.
59446	VRISKA: I did my 8est to preserve them for the journey, after quickly rounding up the 8odies while people had their 8acks turned.
59447	KARKAT: WELL SHIT
59448	KARKAT: THAT'S A HELL OF A MYSTERY, THAT I ALWAYS THOUGHT WAS A MYSTERY, BUT FOUND IT TOO DISTURBING TO CONTEMPLATE SOLVING
59449	KARKAT: BUT DAMN IF IT DIDN'T JUST GET SOLVED, SO THAT'S FUCKED UP.
59450	VRISKA: If you would stop 8eing a wuss for a half second a8out a 8unch of corpses, I'll explain my reasoning.
59451	VRISKA: These are the only two sprites I had any intention of using for resurrection purposes.
59452	VRISKA: I 8rought Tavros 8ack, 8ecause let's face it, that was kind of my fault, for unnecessarily impaling him with his own lance and all.
59453	VRISKA: It was my responsi8ility to make amends for that! So I did.
59454	TAVROSPRITE: aWWWWWWWWWWWWW, yEEAAAA-
59455	VRISKA: Tavros, don't interrupt.
59456	TAVROSPRITE: wHOOPS,
59457	VRISKA: Then, I made Arquiusprite happen 8ecause, first of all, he's a national fucking treasure.
59458	VRISKA: Literally everything he says is perfect and hilarious, and if I hear a single word to the contrary from the peanut gallery, the motherfucker with a 8eef rockets to the top of my shit list. So please, I enthusiastically invite one of you no-taste mouth 8reathers to talk smack a8out the A-man. Make my day!
59459	DAVE: vris yo nobodys arguing with you on that everybody here thinks hes pretty cool
59460	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> <.img src="http://mspaintadventures.com/scraps2/arqshadessmall.png" border="0" />
59461	DAVE: like just enough freakshow steps removed from being my bro i guess enough to make me not feel like-
59462	VRISKA: Dave, don't interrupt either.
59463	VRISKA: No8ody's allowed to interrupt me when I'm talking up Arquiusprite! That's the rule.
59464	TAVROSPRITE: (owNeD!) (woW, oWned,)
59465	DAVE: (oh stfu)
59466	VRISKA: SECOND, the guy is a fucking tactical genius.
59467	VRISKA: Totally conniving and calcul8ting, and unafraid to use methods that are just a 8IT morally du8ious to achieve his o8jectives.
59468	VRISKA: And since I can't stick around for too long, your party is going to need someone like that.
59469	VRISKA: 8esides, it seems like a really fitting f8 for Equius. He genuinely seems to 8e more comforta8le with this st8 of existence, and seems a lot happier than I ever remem8er him 8eing when he was alive.
59470	VRISKA: So I'm perfectly willing to do him this solid. After all, he did help me out when I 8lew my arm off. So now we're square!
59471	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> You mean triangular
59472	VRISKA: What?
59473	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Triangular
59474	VRISKA: I don't...
59475	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> It's the shape of my clop <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arspritetxt_damned.gif" border="0" /> glasses
59476	VRISKA: Oh.
59477	VRISKA: OH!
59478	VRISKA: Ahahahaha! See what I mean, guys??
59479	VRISKA: He's a fucking riot!
59480	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Agreed
59481	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Thank you for the STRONG endhorsement, lowblood slash person I've never heard of and don't care about
59482	VRISKA: HAHAHAHA!
59483	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I'll be finished my work here momentarily
59484	JAKE: Excuse me...
59485	JAKE: Mister arquius?
59486	JAKE: What exactly are you... doing to her?
59487	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I am disabling her tiara top
59488	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> It is e%tremely delicate work, not to be trusted to human hooves
59489	VRISKA: Yes.
59490	VRISKA: I've also decided it's imper8tive to reclaim Crocker from the Condesce 8efore she can wake up and cause more trou8le.
59491	VRISKA: Her powers will 8e incredi8ly advantageous to winning the 8attle ahead. If you can keep her out of harm's way, in addition to providing her general purpose resor8tive capa8ilities, she also represents one extra life for every8ody.
59492	VRISKA: And since heroic deaths could 8e getting handed out like inexpensive to8acco flutes pretty soon, I'm guessing this 8oon is gonna come in handy!
59493	TEREZI: SO UM
59494	TEREZI: WH4T 4BOUT OUR OTH3R D34D FR13NDS?
59495	VRISKA: Huh?
59496	TEREZI: YOU KNOW... N3P3T4, 3R1D4N...
59497	VRISKA: Oh right. Them.
59498	VRISKA: I was getting to that!
59499	TEREZI: OH OK
59500	TEREZI: 1 KNOW W3 T4LK3D 4 LOT OF STR4T3GY 1N 4DV4NC3, VR1SK4
59501	TEREZI: BUT 1 R34LLY DON'T R3M3MB3R YOU M3NT1ON1NG 4 PL4N TO PROTOTYP3 OUR FR13NDS' CORPS3S
59502	TEREZI: M1GHT H4V3 B33N N1C3 TO G3T 4 H34DS UP!
59503	TEREZI: UM, NOT TO M4K3 4 B4D PUN, ON 4CCOUNT OF TH3 F4CT TH4T MOST OF TH31R H34DS W3R3 L1T3R4LLY S3V3R3D >:[
59504	VRISKA: Yeah, sorry!
59505	VRISKA: I had a lot of logistics 8uzzing around in my 8rain.
59506	VRISKA: It's hard to keep you apprised of EVERYTHING that crosses my mind.
59507	VRISKA: I promise I'll 8e as thorough and transparent a8out my motives as I can from now on, ok Pyrope?
59508	TEREZI: OK >:]
59509	VRISKA: So after prototyping Tavros and Equius, that leaves four remaining dead friends, 8ut only two empty kernels.
59510	VRISKA: O8viously this presents quite a dilemma!
59511	VRISKA: Well, ok, technically three and a half friends, whatever the fuck that means.
59512	VRISKA: Nepeta, Feferi, Eridan, and Sollux's... dead 8ody? With his "half ghost" floating out there with Aradia.
59513	VRISKA: I know that caveat sounds stupid as hell, 8ut let's not get hung up on it.
59514	VRISKA: The fact is, we've got four corpses, 8ut only two slots remaining.
59515	VRISKA: And there's no way I'm going to lump their 8odies into the same sprite to make a pair of freaks resigned to an existential hell worse than death.
59516	VRISKA: Except in Arquiusprite's case, since those two nutjo8s mesh with each other's personalities so phenomenally.
59517	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I must complimount the e%quisite judgment you've shown in this matter
59518	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> But if I may suggest, neigh, perhaps, command?
59519	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> You should prototype the two royal bloods and be done with it
59520	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> They deserve it
59521	VRISKA: No!!!!!!!!
59522	VRISKA: Arquius, your reserv8tion is noted, 8ut the hemospectrum is 8ullshit.
59523	VRISKA: It's not going to factor into this decision!
59524	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I STRONGLY disagree, but also, sort of don't care
59525	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> As you were
59526	VRISKA: So considering there are four left, and I can't personally say that any is more deserving of life than the others, I intend to let them all rest in peace.
59527	VRISKA: That is my ruling, and I'm inclined to call it final.
59528	VRISKA: They can live out the rest of their afterlives in the dream 8u88les, which still need to 8e saved from Lord English, lest we forget.
59529	VRISKA: 8ut of greater importance HERE is the fact that this leaves two empty kernels as a resurrection 8ackup, in case one or two of you jokers dies in the line of duty once too often.
59530	VRISKA: 8elieve me, you'll thank me later for thinking this all through so well in advance.
59531	TEREZI: OK, TH4T'S 4 GOOD R34SON TO H4V3 SP4R3 K3RN3LS, BUT...
59532	TEREZI: M4YB3 W3 SHOULD B4CK UP 4 B1T!
59533	TEREZI: 1'M NOT SUR3 YOUR V3RD1CT ON OUR D34D FR13NDS 1S TOT4LLY 41R T1GHT, OR TH4T YOU H4V3 TH3 4UTHOR1TY TO M4K3 4 F1N4L RUL1NG!
59534	VRISKA: Come on, Terezi. I'm not saying I'm an "authority" on mortality here, I only said my ruling was final 8ecause my logic was so impecca8le!
59535	VRISKA: It was kind of like, a figure of speech??
59536	TEREZI: Y34H R1GHT
59537	TEREZI: L3T'S TH1NK 1T THROUGH 4 L1TTL3 MOR3
59538	TEREZI: SOLLUX'S H4LF GHOST 1S P3RF3CTLY H4PPY OUT TH3R3 W1TH 4R4D14
59539	TEREZI: W3'V3 S33N H1M 4ND CONF1RM3D 1T OURS3LV3S, SO TH3R3'S NO R34SON TO CONS1D3R H1M
59540	TEREZI: 4ND 3R1D4N???
59541	TEREZI: H3 MURD3R3D F3F3R1, 4ND TR13D TO K1LL K4N4Y4 4ND SOLLUX!
59542	TEREZI: H3 DO3SN'T 3V3N D3S3RV3 TO B3 1N TH3 RUNN1NG
59543	TEREZI: BUT N3P3T4 4ND F3F3R1? WH4T D1D TH3Y 3V3R DO TO 4NYBODY?
59544	VRISKA: Yes, this is my point exactly!!!!!!!!
59545	VRISKA: I don't want to 8e the ar8iter of Eridan's value as a person 8ecause of the mistakes he's made!
59546	VRISKA: Or Feferi's or Nepeta's or Sollux's or ANY8ODY'S!
59547	VRISKA: The only reason I chose these two over others is on account of taking responsi8ility for some nasty shit I PERSONALLY did, plus also some tactical consider8tions for the gr8ter good, 8ut that's different.
59548	VRISKA: I would think you of all people would 8e on the same page as me when it comes to taking responsi8ility for your own actions, while in the same stride, not judging other people for their misdeeds too harshly.
59549	VRISKA: 8ut if you feel comforta8le continuing to crown yourself as the Queen of Justice, then 8e my guest!
59550	TEREZI: OH G1V3 M3 4 BR34K
59551	TEREZI: 1 TH1NK W3 BOTH KNOW TH3 JUST1C3 1SSU3S H3R3 4R3 PR3TTY CUT 4ND DR13D
59552	TEREZI: SOLLUX *W4NTS* TO B3 WH3R3 H3 1S
59553	TEREZI: 3R1D4N 1S 4 MURD3ROUS DOUCH3
59554	TEREZI: TH3 G1RLS 4R3 1NNOC3NT
59555	TEREZI: 1 S4Y W3 BR1NG TH3M B4CK!
59556	VRISKA: Terezi, please. Let's not 8icker in front of the party.
59557	VRISKA: We need to 8e showing solidarity here!
59558	TEREZI: W3 DO?
59559	VRISKA: Yes. We are equally important to the party as its overarching executives. The ones with the most experience in the department of guile and ruthlessness.
59560	VRISKA: I may project my voice louder than you, and 8orrow the spotlight for a little longer, 8ut you were always the soul of Team Scourge!
59561	VRISKA: I couldn't 8e doing this without you. I wouldn't even want to!
59562	TEREZI: 4W
59563	TEREZI: Y34H, OK
59564	TEREZI: YOU'R3 R1GHT... 1'M B3H1ND YOU 4LL TH3 W4Y!
59565	VRISKA: ::::)
59566	VRISKA: I st8ted my case, 8ut if you REALLY want to revive them, that's fine with me.
59567	VRISKA: I've got the torso parts with me right here, so feel free to round them up and prototype them any time.
59568	TEREZI: YOU DO?
59569	TEREZI: ...WH3R3?
59570	VRISKA: In the hunger trunk!
59571	VRISKA: I've stashed all the spare remains there to keep them fresh, along with our, ahem. Final living party mem8er.
59572	TEREZI: HUH?
59573	<.img src="http://mspaintadventures.com/scraps2/gamzsmallhonk.png" border="0" />
59574	TEREZI: OH
59575	TEREZI: OHHHHH
59576	TEREZI: HMM
59577	TEREZI: WOW, Y34H
59578	TEREZI: 1 TH1NK, UM
59579	TEREZI: 1 TH1NK 1'LL R3V1V3 TH3M... 4 L1TTL3 L4T3R?
59580	TEREZI: Y34H.
59581	TEREZI: L4T3R.
59582	VRISKA: Suit yourself!
59583	DAVE: so
59584	DAVE: am i inferring correctly from some shit i just heard
59585	DAVE: that uh
59586	TEREZI: 1NF3RR1NG WH4T?
59587	DAVE: that vriska is like the de facto team leader now
59588	DAVE: or vriska and terezi...
59589	DAVE: i dunno i never understood the scourge shit
59590	DAVE: you two have always been like this scheming giggling enigma huddled together in peapod for hella self-tickled murderdorks
59591	DAVE: couldnt for the life of me figure out what youve been getting up to on that meteor
59592	DAVE: is this it
59593	TEREZI: 1S WH4T 1T??
59594	DAVE: the plan you were hatching all along
59595	DAVE: is this like your big move
59596	DAVE: your power play to usurp karkat as team leader finally
59597	VRISKA: Oh 8rother.
59598	VRISKA: Dave, no, this isn't a coup. It's just common sense rearing its ugly head for a change.
59599	DAVE: oh got it
59600	VRISKA: Good.
59601	DAVE: wait no dont got it
59602	VRISKA: Argh!
59603	DAVE: it sounds like youre just like
59604	DAVE: being the leader now cause you want to
59605	DAVE: and making all the plans because nobody else wants to or really cares
59606	DAVE: i mean not that i even care either i just want to set the record straight
59607	DAVE: karkat are you cool with this
59608	VRISKA: Sigh. ::::|
59609	DAVE: karkat
59610	DAVE: karkat
59611	DAVE: karkat
59612	DAVE: yo karkat
59613	KARKAT: WHAT!!!!!!
59614	DAVE: oh my god
59615	DAVE: dude were you just not listening to any of that
59616	KARKAT: TO WHAT?
59617	KARKAT: WHAT
59618	KARKAT: WHAT'S HAPPENING NOW?
59619	DAVE: hahaha
59620	DAVE: man how long have you been tuning all this shit out
59621	DAVE: i mean i literally just said i dont give a fuck about any of the shit vriska is saying so maybe im not one to talk but at least i had the decency to actually be joking about that
59622	DAVE: what the fuck are you even doing
59623	KARKAT: SORRY!
59624	KARKAT: YEAH, SORRY, I'M GUILTY!
59625	KARKAT: I ZONED OUT ON SOME OF SERKET'S SELF IMPORTANT BLITHER, AND WAS CARRYING A *PRIVATE CONVERSATION* WITH THE MAYOR.
59626	KARKAT: IS THAT OK??
59627	DAVE: dude you dont have to get the go ahead from me
59628	DAVE: shoring up a lil one on one time with the mayor is literally always acceptable
59629	DAVE: what were you talking about
59630	KARKAT: IT'S PRIVATE!
59631	DAVE: i didnt hear you mumbling anything though
59632	KARKAT: WE WERE MOSTLY COMMUNICATING THROUGH A SERIES OF SIMPLE GESTURES
59633	KARKAT: I WAS TALKING SMACK ABOUT CERTAIN PEOPLE HERE, AND CHOSE TO REMAIN DISCREET ABOUT IT!
59634	DAVE: no yeah i know what thats all about
59635	DAVE: how when you talk to the mayor and most of the time words arent even necessary like he just *knows*
59636	DAVE: man the mayor is just so wonderful i love him so much
59637	DAVE: hey lets all take turns hugging him
59638	KARKAT: NO!
59639	KARKAT: THAT'S FUCKING STUPID, JUST
59640	KARKAT: WHAT WERE YOU SAYING? WHEN I WAS SPACING OUT JUST THEN?
59641	DAVE: oh nothing really
59642	DAVE: just wondering how you felt about vriska usurping your leadership role
59643	DAVE: and if maybe you wanted to throw a vintage shitfit about that or...
59644	KARKAT: OH!
59645	KARKAT: OH!!!!!
59646	KARKAT: HAHA!
59647	KARKAT: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
59648	KARKAT: THAT'S A GOOD ONE DAVE!
59649	KARKAT: WOW! HAHA, HA, HAHAHAHA! ME LEADER?? TOO FUNNY!
59650	KARKAT: I AM ENTIRELY AND SINGULARLY BAFFLED THAT IT COULD STILL EVEN *OCCUR* TO ANYONE TO ENTERTAIN THE NOTION THAT I MIGHT STILL BE PLAYING *ANY* ROLE EVEN WITHIN SNIFFING ORBIT OF A LEADERSHIP POSITION OF THIS RIDICULOUS PARTY.
59651	KARKAT: WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME I DID *ANYTHING* OF A LEADER-LIKE NATURE, WITHOUT BEING TRUMPED BY VRISKA'S MACHIAVELLIAN LIMELIGHT GLUTTONY?
59652	KARKAT: OR FOR THAT MATTER, WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME THERE WAS ACTUALLY ANYTHING LEADERY *TO* DO, THAT DIDN'T INVOLVE SNUGGLING UP ON THE COUCH TO WATCH "GOOD LUCK CHUCK" FOR THE FIVE HUNDREDTH TIME?!
59653	KARKAT: I HAVE SERIOUSLY JUST BEEN ASSUMING HER COMPLETE TAKEOVER OF ALL LEADERSHIP DUTIES WAS SOME FAIT ACCOMPLI SHIT FOR THREE SOLID YEARS, AND HAVE SINCE BEEN ENJOYING THE PEACE AND QUIET OF ZERO RESPONSIBILITIES, WHICH IS WHY QUITE FRANKLY, I HAVE BEEN ABLE TO KEEP MY BLOOD PRESSURE DOWN, AND NOW RESEMBLE THE LIVING EMBODIMENT OF PEACE AND FUCKING TRANQUILITY WHICH PRESENTLY BASKS BEFORE YOU IN A STATE OF FROTHING, EUPHORIA-HOBBLED TURDVANA!!!!!!!!
59654	DAVE: ok so vintage shitfit it is
59655	VRISKA: Karkat, that was a 8eautiful soliliquy of acceptance and understanding of your role, due to acknowledgement of your overwhelming personal limit8tions.
59656	VRISKA: 8ut 8e that as it may, you still ACTUALLY DO need to 8e paying attention here, so you can keep up with the plan.
59657	VRISKA: While I may 8e the leader now, this may 8e the last day I see any of you for a very long time.
59658	VRISKA: Someone's going to need to step up when I'm gone!
59659	KARKAT: ALRIGHT SERKET, THEN I'LL MAKE THIS A LOT EASIER FOR YOU, AND THE TEAM AS A WHOLE.
59660	KARKAT: STARTING NOW, I HEREBY RENOUNCE MY ROLE AS A LEADER OF THIS GROUP, OR ANY, FOREVER!
59661	KARKAT: VRISKA ALONG WITH HER TACTICAL VIRTUOUSITY AND MONSTROUS EGO ARE MORE THAN SUITED FOR THE ROLE.
59662	KARKAT: AND IF, WHEN, AND TO *WHEREVER* SHE EVENTUALLY DECIDES TO FUCK OFF FOR MYSTERIOUS, YET-TO-BE-EXPLAINED REASONS, THEN ANYBODY ELSE WHO FEELS INCLINED CAN SLIDE RIGHT INTO THAT POSITION, SO LONG AS IT ISN'T ME!!!
59663	VRISKA: Gr8! It's settled, I'm the leader.
59664	VRISKA: I gladly accept the 8aton you are going to such lengths to pass to me, Karkat. Honored in fact.
59665	VRISKA: Not everyone is nearly as passion8 a8out la8els or ranks as you. In fact, I'm pretty whatever a8out the distinction. 8ut your melodramatic endorsement of my a8ilities is appreci8ted.
59666	KARKAT: LJSDLKFJASDLALKJASDKLSHDKLAHSFKLASHB
59667	KANAYA: Excuse Me
59668	KANAYA: Miss Leader
59669	VRISKA: Hmmm????
59670	KANAYA: Not That It Would Ever Occur To Me To Cast The Slightest Doubt On Your Strategic Expertise
59671	KANAYA: But I Was Wondering When You Were Planning On Getting To The Actual Strategy Part Of This Meeting
59672	VRISKA: Glad you asked, Maryam!
59673	VRISKA: Way to keep the meeting on point. Remind me to give you a promotion.
59674	KANAYA: A Promotion To What
59675	VRISKA: Nothing. No8ody's getting a promotion, it was a joke.
59676	KANAYA: Fuck
59677	VRISKA: The answer is very soon!
59678	VRISKA: As soon as Eg8ert and Lalonde get here.
59679	VRISKA: Which should 8e...
59680	VRISKA: Riiiiiiiight a8out...
59681	VRISKA:
59682	VRISKA: Riiiight a8out........
59683	VRISKA: Just give it another second or two!
59684	VRISKA: Riiiiiiiight...
59685	DAVE: vriska
59686	VRISKA: Riiiiiiiight!!! About...
59687	DAVE: yo can we maybe bust out some refreshments while we wait for this totally imminent thing to transpire
59688	DAVE: can i take a look in the fridge
59689	VRISKA: There are no drinks in the fridge!
59690	DAVE: whats in the fridge
59691	DAVE: sorry i think i missed that part of the conversation
59692	<.img src="http://mspaintadventures.com/scraps2/gamzsmallhonk.png" border="0" />
59693	DAVE: oh
59694	DAVE: yeah never mind
59695	VRISKA: Shh! Sh, shh-shhhh, SHHHHHHHH!
59696	VRISKA: Shut the fuck up.
59697	VRISKA: They're here!
59698	VRISKA: Hi John!!!!!!!!
59699	JOHN: whoa...
59700	JOHN: HI EVERYBODY!
59701	DAVE: (wow)
59702	DAVE: (wow)
59703	DAVE: (hes really here isnt he)
59704	KARKAT: HEY JOHN
59705	DAVE: (wow)
59706	KARKAT: (DON'T JUST MUMBLE TO YOURSELF YOU RUDE FUCK, SAY HELLO)
59707	DAVE: oh yeah hey john
59708	DAVE: whats up
59709	JOHN: hey dave, not much!
59710	JOHN: hi again karkat!
59711	JOHN: haha, i only saw you like five minutes ago, but i guess that was years ago for you. dang.
59712	JOHN: you've probably been through a whole lot of silly nonsense, haven't you?
59713	JOHN: wait never mind, you don't have to answer that. there will be plenty of time to catch up!
59714	JOHN: hi to everyone else too!
59715	JOHN: oh man, i missed you all so much! even the people i don't know very well, or haven't met yet.
59716	JOHN: oh!!!
59717	JOHN: by the way, this is roxy.
59718	JOHN: she's my new friend, and we just went on a crazy adventure together, to save the time line and come find you all.
59719	JOHN: so here we are!
59720	ROXY: umm
59721	ROXY: heh
59722	ROXY: hi
59723	JOHN: d'awww.
59724	JOHN: oh, hey terezi!
59725	TEREZI: H3LLO, 3GB3RT
59726	JOHN: guess our plan worked out pretty well, huh?
59727	JOHN: this session is in MUCH better shape than the last time i saw it.
59728	JOHN: you really bailed us out!
59729	TEREZI: YOU'R3 W3LCOM3
59730	JOHN: i mean, not that... you SPECIFICALLY had anything to do with it.
59731	JOHN: you were as much the beneficiary of your future self's crafty schemes as i was.
59732	JOHN: so don't get too smug!!!
59733	TEREZI: NO, 1'M PR3TTY COMFORT4BL3 B31NG SMUG, 4ND T4K1NG CR3D1T FOR FUTUR3 M3'S 1D34S
59734	TEREZI: 1'V3 4LW4YS B33N ON 3XC3LL3NT T3RMS W1TH MY FUTUR3 S3LF
59735	TEREZI: SH3 4ND 1 G3T 4LONG F4MOUSLY >:]
59736	JOHN: pff, ok. whatever you say.
59737	JOHN: oh, that reminds me...
59738	JOHN: i know the scarf agenda wasn't really YOUR idea per se...
59739	JOHN: but do you have any idea what all that stuffed dragon shit was about?
59740	JOHN: did that like...
59741	JOHN: actually serve a purpose in the time line?
59742	JOHN: or were you just fucking with me?
59743	TEREZI: 1 W4S 4LMOST C3RT41NLY FUCK1NG W1TH YOU
59744	JOHN: ok, wow. great.
59745	JOHN: good to know.
59746	JOHN: thanks for that, terezi. that was a really awesome use of our time.
59747	TEREZI: 1'M GL4D W3 4R3 1N COMPL3T3 4GR33M3NT
59748	VRISKA: W8, what?
59749	VRISKA: What's this a8out stuffed dragons?
59750	VRISKA: Terezi, what stupid thing did you make John do?
59751	TEREZI: 1 JUST S3NT H1M ON 4 F3W TOT4LLY 1ND1SP3NS1BL3, M1SS1ON CR1T1C4L 3RR4NDS 1S 4LL
59752	TEREZI: NO B1G D34L
59753	JOHN: yeah, forget it.
59754	JOHN: long story short is, i got owned, the end.
59755	JOHN: by the way, good to see you again vriska!
59756	VRISKA: Good to see you too, John!
59757	JOHN: it's cool that you're alive now, instead of being a cunning ghost pirate.
59758	JOHN: i think your, um, *ways* probably are more valuable to have here, in the land of the living.
59759	JOHN: at least... i hope so??
59760	VRISKA: I couldn't agree more!
59761	VRISKA: I never got a chance to thank you for knocking me out a few years ago. I mean... o8viously? 8ecause I was unconscious.
59762	VRISKA: 8ut thanks for that. I was 8eing an idiot, and deserved it.
59763	VRISKA: And as a 8onus, it apparently saved my life???????? So, thanks.
59764	VRISKA: You're a real friend. ::::)
59765	JOHN: don't mention it!
59766	VRISKA: I've received quite a few 8eatings in my time, and not only did I have each one coming, 8ut they all led to 8ig changes for me, on the road to 8ecoming the impecca8ly evolved person I am now.
59767	VRISKA: So 8y that measure, it was pro8a8ly the most critical smackdown of my entire life!
59768	JOHN: that's cool.
59769	JOHN: if you ever need another really important punch in the face, just let me know. i'm your man.
59770	JOHN: rose!
59771	ROSE: Hi, John.
59772	JOHN: hi!!!
59773	JOHN: nice to see you, alive and well again.
59774	JOHN: not to mention in the correct time line!
59775	ROSE: Yes, you did it.
59776	ROSE: I'm still a bit unclear on exactly what it was you did, but whatever it was, you sure did the hell out of it.
59777	JOHN: yeah!!!!!
59778	ROSE: Thank you for returning with my m-
59779	ROSE: My, um.
59780	ROSE: M,
59781	ROSE: My Roxy.
59782	ROXY: :D :D :D :D :D
59783	ROSE: Thank you for returning with my Roxy, is obviously the remark I meant to say, and is the statement of a reasonable person.
59784	JOHN: of course!
59785	JOHN: really, it is so good to see you.
59786	JOHN: i'd give you a hello hug, but you seem kinda tied up at the moment.
59787	JOHN: oh my gosh, how cute.
59788	JOHN: hello, um...
59789	JOHN: jake, right?
59790	JAKE: I...
59791	JAKE: Yes.
59792	JOHN: you sent me a letter once, right?
59793	JOHN: in the box full of weapons, and a rabbit?
59794	JAKE: Oh.
59795	JAKE: Yeah.
59796	JAKE: Um yeah that was me.
59797	JOHN: thanks for that!
59798	JOHN: that was cool. it made me really curious to meet you.
59799	JAKE: Right.
59800	JAKE: Me too.
59801	JOHN: ...
59802	JAKE: I mean.
59803	JAKE: Curious to meet you not me.
59804	JAKE: Not the letter i mean that didnt make me...
59805	JAKE: I mean i was always curious to
59806	JAKE: Dog gone it.
59807	JOHN: what?
59808	JAKE: Just
59809	JAKE: I had stuff i wanted to say when we met.
59810	JAKE: Theres so many people here.
59811	JAKE: I dont...
59812	JAKE: Sorry.
59813	JOHN: it's ok!
59814	JOHN: i understand, i'm shy too.
59815	JOHN: let's catch up some time, just you and me. man to man.
59816	JAKE: Ooh!
59817	JAKE: Roger that.
59818	JOHN: oh, hey tavros.
59819	JOHN: looks like... you're here too?
59820	TAVROSPRITE: hHHHHELL, dEFINITELY,
59821	TAVROSPRITE: bUT, dON'T WORRY,
59822	TAVROSPRITE: i'M NOT VERY SHY,
59823	JOHN: yeah, i know.
59824	TAVROSPRITE: sO YOU CAN FEEL FREE TO SAY AS MANY THINGS TO ME IN A CONVERSATION, aS YOU WANT,
59825	JOHN: that's, uh... nice to know.
59826	JOHN: maybe later!
59827	JOHN: hi dave!
59828	DAVE: hey bro
59829	JOHN: you're back, and alive!
59830	JOHN: all because of me.
59831	DAVE: i guess thats the thing were all accepting as true yeah
59832	JOHN: it's ok, there's no need to thank me.
59833	DAVE: i mean i wasnt going to but like not as a means of being an arbitrary dick to my number one childhood pal from the past
59834	DAVE: i have literally no first hand cognizance of ever being in danger i just fucked around on a meteor for a bunch of years
59835	DAVE: and here i am and so are you
59836	DAVE: which i think is pretty dope
59837	JOHN: it is very dope. :)
59838	JOHN: hey karkat, don't leave me hanging here.
59839	KARKAT: WHAT?
59840	JOHN: there is more than enough fist bump to go around for everybody.
59841	JOHN: i left it hanging there just for you, but you are leaving me high and dry here dude.
59842	DAVE: karkat holy shit where are your manners
59843	DAVE: leaving a fist unbumped like that this is a new low
59844	KARKAT: OH MY GOD
59845	KARKAT: YOU DIDN'T LEAVE YOUR FIST THERE "HANGING" FOR ME
59846	KARKAT: YOU FIST BUMPED DAVE, THEN WITHDREW YOUR FIST TO SAY SOME THINGS
59847	KARKAT: AND THEN RE-OFFERED YOUR FIST TO ME, THE *MOMENT* YOU SAID DON'T "LEAVE ME HANGING"
59848	KARKAT: I SAW YOU WITH MY OWN EYES!
59849	JOHN: karkat, wow that is really pedantic!
59850	JOHN: and now you actually ARE leaving me hanging, in order to explain your nonsense.
59851	JOHN: i'm this close to revoking your bumping privileges!
59852	DAVE: god damnit
59853	DAVE: here
59854	DAVE: strider to the rescue
59855	DAVE: the fist bump has been secured
59856	KARKAT: DAVE NO
59857	KARKAT: FUCK!
59858	KARKAT: I WANTED TO DO IT OF MY OWN VOLITION!
59859	KARKAT: THIS DOESNT'T COUNT, IT'S NOT REAL
59860	JOHN: oh, it's real buddy!
59861	KARKAT: NO, I'M GOING TO FIST BUMP YOU LATER, WHEN I'M FEELING IT, BUT IT'S GOING TO BE FUCKING NATURAL.
59862	KARKAT: MARK MY WORDS!
59863	JOHN: we'll see, karkat.
59864	JOHN: we'll see.
59865	DAVE: wrecked
59866	JOHN: hey dave...
59867	JOHN: why is jade asleep?
59868	JOHN: and also teen nanna.
59869	JOHN: or, jane i mean.
59870	DAVE: oh uh
59871	DAVE: yeah vriska had to knock them out
59872	JOHN: what??
59873	JOHN: why?
59874	DAVE: they were kickin up a ruckus
59875	JOHN: can you wake them up?
59876	VRISKA: DON'T WAKE THEM UP!!!!!!!!
59877	JOHN: !!!
59878	DAVE: yeah we cant
59879	DAVE: some kind of brainwashing thing going on
59880	DAVE: gotta keep em napping
59881	DAVE: especially jade im sure you know what kind of crooked ass baloneyfuck powers she got
59882	DAVE: cant let her turn those against us
59883	JOHN: right.
59884	DAVE: she should be pretty psyched to see you though
59885	JOHN: you think?
59886	DAVE: yeah
59887	DAVE: um
59888	DAVE: i dunno if you know this or not but
59889	DAVE: apparently along the way our version of john died
59890	DAVE: so she made the whole trip without you
59891	JOHN: oh no!
59892	DAVE: yeah this timeline was gearing up to be pretty tragic i guess but then you sorta deus exxed out of nowhere and spared us those sadtimes
59893	DAVE: i mean from your point of view i guess it isnt deus ex shit you were just the normal john you always were all zipping around like a nerdy hypergod saving everything from whatever
59894	DAVE: but from our standpoint you just kinda yanked yourself out of random ass nothing but hey you know what ill take it
59895	JOHN: man.
59896	JOHN: i had no idea.
59897	JOHN: i guess that's what typheus meant?
59898	JOHN: that's so sad...
59899	JOHN: poor jade!
59900	JOHN: i can't believe she had to spend all that time on the ship thinking i was dead...
59901	JOHN: i mean, i guess i WAS dead. but...
59902	JOHN: you know what i mean.
59903	JOHN: are you sure we can't wake her up for a second, just so she can see i'm alright?
59904	VRISKA: >::::|
59905	DAVE: feel free but i have a feeling youll just be joining her nap if you try
59906	JOHN: darn.
59907	JOHN: i guess we'll have to catch up later.
59908	JOHN: hey, what about dave sprite?
59909	DAVE: dead
59910	JOHN: noooo!
59911	JOHN: that sucks too!
59912	DAVE: yeah
59913	DAVE: i guess so
59914	JOHN: you guess??
59915	DAVE: its a weird subject for me
59916	DAVE: like
59917	DAVE: the guy was always on borrowed time wasnt he
59918	DAVE: i mean that was his whole "thing" right
59919	JOHN: i dunno.
59920	JOHN: i'll miss him anyway, even if he isn't the "real dave".
59921	JOHN: i kinda feel bad for ever thinking of him as a less real version, actually.
59922	DAVE: yeah hes me and exactly what i would be like if i was a moping existential bird so its kind of embarrassing to even talk about ok
59923	DAVE: i guess it is """sad""" but you know a lot of versions of me have died
59924	DAVE: lots of versions of all of us including you
59925	DAVE: isnt whats important that certain dubiously categorized iterations of ourselves are all alive here and now and hanging out
59926	JOHN: yeah, that is what's important!
59927	JOHN: i guess there will be time to reflect on everything that was lost later, like dead time clones and double dead ghosts, or other such hogwash.
59928	JOHN: right now i'm still so excited to see everybody.
59929	JOHN: there's so much crazy stuff for us all to catch up on...
59930	JOHN: i don't even know where to start, it's overwhelming!
59931	DAVE: dont stress over it
59932	DAVE: we still have some time to kill before shit starts getting real in this session
59933	DAVE: at least according to our vriska in chief
59934	JOHN: what do you mean?
59935	DAVE: all the bad guys are still just outside the incipisphere
59936	DAVE: they wont converge here until a few hours or so
59937	DAVE: so lets all just sit back a while and shoot the shit
59938	DAVE: and i do mean empty our clips into the shit, like really pump that turd full of lead
59939	DAVE: right up until she gets bossy again and commandeers our fly brotimes with more shrill tactical exhortations
59940	JOHN: ok, that sounds great!
59941	You are confronted with an especially empowering CHARACTER SELECTION MENU. Eight choices???????? Free will has done it again. It has caused you to feel alarmed and anxious. But maybe, just maybe, slightly excited as well. You cautiously click on a batch of teens to discover your true feelings.
59942	Eight possible options is actually KIND OF A LOT, now that you think about it. It may be easy to forget to click some of them. To make absolutely sure you've clicked on all teen batches before proceeding, you check to see if all the links below are purple first. If any of them are blue, it means you didn't read those, and you probably should before continuing. Wow, free will sure is a lot of responsibility and hard work.
59943	ONE | TWO | THREE | FOUR | FIVE | SIX | SEVEN | EIGHT
59944	JOHN: so tell me about your ridiculous meteor journey!
59945	DAVE: um
59946	JOHN: the dave from the bad time line told me some funny stories when we got together on the grassy hill planet
59947	JOHN: but we weren't actually hanging out for that long, so i didn't hear much.
59948	JOHN: also, i'm MOSTLY sure vriska wasn't alive during their trip.
59949	DAVE: oh well let me tell you
59950	DAVE: vriska was most certainly alive during this one
59951	DAVE: like almost
59952	DAVE: extra-alive, if thats possible
59953	JOHN: haha.
59954	JOHN: i think i know what you mean.
59955	JOHN: i spent some time with her when she was a ghost, and uh...
59956	JOHN: let's just say whatever her mortality status is, she makes her presence hard to ignore.
59957	KARKAT: YES. YES!
59958	KARKAT: I LOVE THIS.
59959	KARKAT: CAN WE SPEND OUR WHOLE REMINISCENCE JUST DESTROYING VRISKA, SLIGHTLY ABOVE AUDIBLE LEVEL?
59960	VRISKA: Slightly?
59961	VRISKA: Karkat, you only have one volume setting.
59962	KARKAT: WOW, FUCK YOU?!
59963	DAVE: ok dude maybe lets not spend our paltime trash talking serket if only cus theres no way youre not getting repeatedly trounced exactly just like that
59964	KARKAT: FFFFFFFFFFFFFYEAH.
59965	KARKAT: YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT.
59966	KARKAT: OK, I'LL CHILL OUT. YOU'RE RIGHT DAVE, AS USUAL.
59967	JOHN: wow.
59968	JOHN: karkat, for a funny shouty guy, you backed down on that really fast.
59969	JOHN: i'm almost... a bit disappointed?
59970	JOHN: i was looking forward to more of your patented ravings!
59971	KARKAT: HEY, JOHN FUCKBERT, I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW I'M A LITTLE MORE MATURE AND REASONABLE THAN THE LAST TIME YOU SAW ME.
59972	KARKAT: I'M A LOT MORE THAN MR. HOLLERSPONGE ONE-NOTE, AND ANYONE WHO DISPUTES THIS CAN CORDIALLY INVITE ME TO PLAY THEIR DIRTY SEED FLAP LIKE A DISCOUNT HARMONICA.
59973	JOHN: oh. well, i'm sold.
59974	KARKAT: SERIOUSLY THOUGH, IT'S PRETTY COOL TO FINALLY MEET YOU. I MEAN, UNDER MORE CIVIL, RATIONAL CIRCUMSTANCES.
59975	KARKAT: UNLIKE WHATEVER THE *FUCK* THAT BRIEF ENCOUNTER WAS THREE YEARS AGO WHERE YOU KO'D VRISKA AND THEN POOFED YOUR FLIMSY ASS INTO THE FUCKALL CONTINUUM.
59976	KARKAT: I KNOW I SEEMED REALLY MAD ABOUT THAT AT THE TIME, FOR WHATEVER REASON.
59977	KARKAT: BUT REALLY, I'VE HAD SOOOOO MANY BORING HOURS ON THAT METEOR TO SPEND BARELY REFLECTING ON THE ROUGHLY TEN THOUSAND WAYS I DON'T GIVE THE SLIGHTEST FUCK ABOUT WHATEVER IDIOTIC TWIST OF FATE TRANSPIRED BACK THERE.
59978	JOHN: heheh. ok?
59979	KARKAT: I'M COMPLETELY OVER IT.
59980	KARKAT: I'M OVER A LOT OF THINGS ACTUALLY.
59981	JOHN: ... you are?
59982	KARKAT: YEAH.
59983	KARKAT: LIKE, REMEMBER BACK WHEN I WAS YELLING AT YOU ALL THE TIME FROM MY COMPUTER.
59984	KARKAT: BACK THEN I PROBABLY WOULD HAVE FELT NERVOUS OR AWKWARD ABOUT THIS ENCOUNTER.
59985	KARKAT: BECAUSE OF... WELL, YOU KNOW.
59986	JOHN: no?
59987	KARKAT: I WAS HITTING ON YOU BRIEFLY, AND IN A VERY CONFUSING NON-CHRONOLOGICAL WAY, WITHOUT EVEN QUITE REALIZING HOW BADLY I WAS SHOVING MY STRUT POD DOWN MY OWN STATEMENT TUNNEL.
59988	DAVE: dude
59989	KARKAT: I MEAN, UNTIL YOU MERCIFULLY AND WITH A FAIR AMOUNT OF TACT SHUT ME DOWN.
59990	KARKAT: DON'T YOU REMEMBER?
59991	JOHN: uh...
59992	JOHN: maybe?
59993	KARKAT: HOW CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER THAT?
59994	JOHN: i dunno, it was a long time ago!
59995	JOHN: and we had a lot of ridiculous conversations...
59996	KARKAT: OK, WELL MAYBE IT WAS A BIGGER DEAL FOR ME THAN IT WAS FOR YOU.
59997	KARKAT: I MEAN, *OBVIOUSLY* IT WAS, THAT'S SORT OF THE WHOLE POINT.
59998	KARKAT: BUT THE *REAL* POINT IS, OR THAT I WAS *TRYING* TO MAKE, IS THAT IT *ISN'T* A BIG DEAL ANY MORE.
59999	KARKAT: BECAUSE I'M OVER IT!
60000	DAVE: karkat what the fuck are you doing
60001	KARKAT: WHAT!
60002	KARKAT: I'M TALKING, QUITE CASUALLY, ABOUT SOME SHIT THAT'S NOT A BIG DEAL.
60003	KARKAT: AND THE *POINT* IS THAT IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL ANYMORE, SO I'M JUST CASUALLY SAYING THAT! GOD.
60004	DAVE: ok its not an unreasonable conversation to have but like
60005	DAVE: we JUST started friend-jamming about past anecdotes to get us all up to speed or whatever
60006	DAVE: and youre already trucking out these guns
60007	KARKAT: GUNS? WHAT GUNS!
60008	DAVE: just sayin, it doesnt sound that casual and no big deal if you keep saying its casual and no big deal oh and also its the first fuckin thing out of your mouth to john in three years
60009	KARKAT: SORRY!
60010	KARKAT: I'M SO TRULY FUCKING SORRY. I FORGOT THERE WAS SUCH AN OUTSTANDINGLY SMOOTH PILE OF SHIT IN A CAPE WITHIN MY JUDGMENT RADIUS!
60011	JOHN: no, i mean, i think i remember.
60012	JOHN: i think you were um, "black flirting" with me or something, but in backwards order, and while constantly yelling.
60013	JOHN: and i didn't really even know what that was.
60014	JOHN: and then i told you i wasn't a homosexual, so it was kind of a moot point, but also, you didn't even know what that was either?
60015	KARKAT: YES!
60016	KARKAT: THAT'S BASICALLY WHAT HAPPENED
60017	KARKAT: AND THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I WAS *TRYING* TO SAY I WAS OVER, AND WASN'T A BIG DEAL ANYMORE, BUT NOW IT'S A BIG DEAL AGAIN I GUESS?
60018	KARKAT: THAT'S FUCKING GREAT! THANKS DAVE!
60019	DAVE: yo im hardly one to talk here since i am a goddamn geyser of hilariously self-pulverizing freudian bloopers
60020	DAVE: at this point i cant even pretend to keep a lid on any shit ive got in me cause i know sooner or later during one of my rad soliloquies ill just pratfall butt backwards into an embarrassing admission and i just have to be like yeah... yeah ok thats my shit thats what im about lets just get the fuck on with our lives
60021	DAVE: so when johns like hey man and youre all locked and loaded with some stuff about how youre 'over him' and go on and on about it its like some way obvious protest-too-much shit and everybody knows it so i dont see how it salvages any of your dignity or whatever to pretend thats not whats happening
60022	KARKAT: OH MY FUCKING GOD...
60023	DAVE: so what im saying is if youre so eager to push this out there-
60024	KARKAT: I'M NOT "PUSHING THIS OUT THERE"!
60025	DAVE: if youre pushing this out there which you are then maybe we should rap about it
60026	DAVE: i mean discuss it critically and earnestly not drop ill rhymes or anything tho that could be sweet too
60027	KARKAT: UEHRNGH.
60028	DAVE: so are you SURE you still dont have these unreconciled blackrom feelings about john
60029	DAVE: i say we air this out before it ferments into some rank and hella unexamined feeling sauce
60030	JOHN: dave, i think you're making karkat uncomfortable!
60031	JOHN: are you being a wise guy and trying to make us uncomfortable?
60032	DAVE: no!
60033	DAVE: i dont do that to bros thats huge uncool
60034	DAVE: i dont see what has to be uncomfy about chattin out our true ass thoughts and emotions
60035	KARKAT: YEEUURHNGHGHH.
60036	DAVE: dude you clearly had a spades thing for john but i dont recall you ever bringing it up
60037	DAVE: is this something you been thinking about all this time or
60038	KARKAT: NO!
60039	KARKAT: NOT... NOT REALLY
60040	DAVE: yeah we coulda talked about this
60041	DAVE: i have all KINDS of shit to say about john seeing as he was my number 1 dude for approximately the majority of 13 years
60042	DAVE: the main dead end here man is like, nothing personal at all its just that he is literally incapable of hating anyone
60043	KARKAT: I KNOW THAT!
60044	KARKAT: THAT IS THE *EXACT* FUCKING THING I KNEW AND UNDERSTOOD, AND WHY I FELT SO STUPID ABOUT IT IN HINDSIGHT!
60045	JOHN: well...
60046	JOHN: not that i really want to egg on this train of thought, but i dunno if that's quite true.
60047	KARKAT: IT'S NOT?
60048	JOHN: i can get really angry and hate stuff too, just like you. but i think only in extreme cases?
60049	JOHN: the skull guy in suspenders i got REALLY pissed off at...
60050	JOHN: but i am a hundred percent sure that hate was platonic!
60051	DAVE: gettin pissed off at a suspender dude sounds like just the sort of yarn i wanna be all ears for some time
60052	DAVE: but ok thats something to work with
60053	DAVE: hey karkat maybe theres some hope yet maybe its not a total lost cause
60054	KARKAT: NERGH!
60055	JOHN: ok, dave, it definitely sounds like you're trying to own us now!
60056	DAVE: own
60057	DAVE: what
60058	DAVE: no way
60059	DAVE: im being real as a motherfucker
60060	JOHN: being able to hate things i think is...
60061	JOHN: the smaller part of that equation?
60062	JOHN: what about the other part? don't you think that's, uh...
60063	JOHN: a little more significant?
60064	DAVE: what part
60065	JOHN: the part about not being a homosexual!!!
60066	DAVE: john
60067	DAVE: dude i gotta say
60068	DAVE: when you talk about being or not being "a homosexual" you kinda sound like a corny old man
60069	JOHN: what! why?
60070	JOHN: no, that's a normal way of putting it!
60071	JOHN: i mean... it's a pretty normal thing to say, right? when that's... how... you are?
60072	KARKAT: SOMEBODY FUCKING KILL ME.
60073	DAVE: what does normal mean though
60074	DAVE: normal was some crap that ruled our dead civilization
60075	DAVE: we left that behind years ago
60076	DAVE: its all a huge pile of shit that doesnt matter anymore
60077	JOHN: oh. kay?
60078	JOHN: so then, you're saying...
60079	JOHN: what are you saying?
60080	DAVE: im not sure i guess
60081	JOHN: ...
60082	DAVE: ok i guess what im saying is
60083	DAVE: i dont think its all as simple as you think it is
60084	DAVE: or maybe not like ACTIVELY think it is but continue to assume it is on account of NOT thinkin about it much
60085	DAVE: due to a lot of junk about the subject that gets shoved into our brains from movies and stuff while we were just dumb kids
60086	JOHN: i,
60087	JOHN: hm.
60088	DAVE: im just saying it probably isnt as absolute or simplistic as the way youve been framing it
60089	DAVE: or maybe it is for you personally i dont know
60090	DAVE: im just guessing you havent spent much time thinking about it if only cause all the stuff we read and watch suggests that like even examining your honest thoughts about it is perilous road to go down
60091	DAVE: cause if you actually think too much about it without always having that undercurrent of haha nope nope nope THEN what happens
60092	DAVE: what if it turns out youre like...
60093	JOHN: ...like?
60094	DAVE: like not exactly the way you thought you were
60095	DAVE: or maybe not so much that, as old presumptions about what you were turn out to be not that relevant?
60096	KARKAT: (WHY. WHY ARE THESE WORDS HAPPENING TO OUR CONVERSATION.)
60097	DAVE: i dunno man
60098	DAVE: not sure what youve been doing the last 3 years all riding a large boat, then saving everyone from apocalyptic whatever
60099	DAVE: but ive had a fuck ton of time on my hands to think about stuff
60100	DAVE: about stuff ive said and done in the past why i said and did them
60101	DAVE: a lot of things i once would have insisted were like part of my brand and helped me come across cool and smartassy
60102	DAVE: but now im not so sure
60103	DAVE: we used rip on each other all the time for being gay even though we knew we werent which of course is what made it "funny" remember
60104	JOHN: yeah.
60105	JOHN: i dunno, it was pretty funny, sometimes.
60106	JOHN: it was just a lot of joking around!
60107	DAVE: yeah i know
60108	DAVE: it frankly IS funny to say how gay something is sometimes and lets face it sometimes someone or something is just flat out REALLY fucking gay and theres no two ways about it
60109	DAVE: its more like that through the preponderance of all that jokey shit is an underlying implication that its all lame stuff for pansies but not like us no were not lame and ha ha thats the joke
60110	DAVE: which thrives on this like double-buried implication that the REAL COOL SHIT is founded on this absurd wanky ideal about masculinity which if you think about it is 1. dumb as fuck 2. the male adulation of masculinity to that extent TO BE HONEST is pretty fucking gay unto itself and 3. was always some totally impossible shit for us to live up to anyway
60111	DAVE: i think all thats mixed up with the same phony ideals about heroism
60112	DAVE: like living up to the storybook idea of what a hero to me feels almost interchangeable with living up to societys snapshot of what a hard manly dude should be
60113	DAVE: i stopped pretending i could ever live up to either thing a while ago
60114	DAVE: and mainly have spent time looking back on the sheer magnitude of all my "joking around"
60115	DAVE: i used to lambaste fuckers left and right grinding them into the pavement over how gay they probably were and how much they were quite possibly jonesin to kiss some dudes or such
60116	DAVE: and i dont really feel bad about it in the sense that it was jerky or like "insensitive" necessarily even though i guess it maybe was
60117	DAVE: more that i feel like it was probably transparent
60118	DAVE: a massive front of outrageous snark to disguise a lot of insecurity
60119	DAVE: like a fuckin coverup
60120	DAVE: as long as i kept clowning hard about it i didnt actually have to think about it or face my actual beliefs
60121	JOHN: dave, um.
60122	JOHN: all that's cool and all, and...
60123	JOHN: i think i mostly agree?
60124	JOHN: but...
60125	JOHN: ummmm, how do i put this.
60126	JOHN: are you...
60127	JOHN: are you gay now?
60128	DAVE: what no
60129	KARKAT: (THE WORDS. WHY WON'T THE WORDS STOP. DEAR GOD.)
60130	JOHN: i dunno, it sounds to me like you're trying tell me something here!
60131	DAVE: man no look
60132	JOHN: i mean, it's ok if you're gay now!
60133	JOHN: that's totally cool, if true.
60134	JOHN: i just think...
60135	JOHN: you turning gay would be kind of a weird consequence of me changing the time line around?
60136	JOHN: ok, not "weird"...
60137	JOHN: just, unexpected!
60138	JOHN: i dunno what i did that would account for that.
60139	JOHN: maybe saving one of terezi's plush toys did some goofy homosexual butterfly effect thing on you?
60140	JOHN: jeez, who knows!
60141	DAVE: dude you arent listening
60142	DAVE: although a gay butterfly effect is a pretty funny idea lets not dismiss that as a concept altogether
60143	DAVE: anyway maybe what im tryin to say is sorta getting lost in the weeds here
60144	DAVE: the fact that you were wondering if i "turned gay" makes me think maybe youre still not quite on the wavelength im tryin to ramble on here
60145	DAVE: maybe we should wrestle this topic to the ground another time, theres a lot more id wanna say but this is probably not the venue
60146	DAVE: i mean not literally wrestle to the ground because that is maybe literally the gayest course of action we could possibly take but you know what i mean
60147	KARKAT: (YES! LATER! TALK LATER, BECAUSE THEN THE WORDS WOULD STOP! OH WOULDN'T THAT BE LOVELY.)
60148	JOHN: that's fine, we can talk about anything you want, any time.
60149	JOHN: i'm just still confused about what you're getting at, is all.
60150	JOHN: like, what is the bottom line here?
60151	JOHN: are you actually attracted to boys now?
60152	JOHN: do you...
60153	JOHN: um.
60154	JOHN: did you...
60155	JOHN: like, date any boys?
60156	DAVE: uh
60157	JOHN: but there weren't even that many boys on the meteor?
60158	JOHN: well, there's the clown guy, but i don't really see you and him...
60159	JOHN: that really only leaves...
60160	JOHN: um, were you and karkat...
60161	JOHN: ARE you and karkat, like.
60162	JOHN: hmm.
60163	KARKAT: NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
60164	KARKAT: I RETREAT TO MY SAFE PLACE, AND YET THE WORDS. THE STUPID FUCKING PRATTLE JOCKEYING LIKE ROWDY BARNBEASTS UP AGAINST THE PARTITIONS OF GOOD FUCKING SENSE AND THE MOST BASIC OF PERSONAL BOUNDARIES.
60165	KARKAT: THE GOD DAMNED BLITHER OF TACTLESS NINCOMPOOPS, HOW IT CONTINUES TO HAUNT MY WRETCHED EARS. THE WORDS SPILL OVER THE SIDE OF THIS ENCHANTED METAL FROG DISCUS, LIKE A BABBLING SPRING IN A MYTHICAL FOREST GOVERNED BY A GUILD OF GOSSIP-HUNGRY LOBOTOMY HOBBITS. THIS DELUGE OF WORDS, LEAKED FROM THE INCONTINENT CREVICES OF TWO BRAINLESS GUSHING YAMMERTWATS, IT OVERFLOWETH, OH HOW IT OVERFLOWETH, SOGGING MY GRAY, PRACTICAL PAIR OF PANTS, THE LEGGINGS OF A SIMPLE MAN. A HUMBLE MAN. IT THEN CONTINUES ITS DOWNWARD TRICKLE, DOUSING MY UNREMARKABLE SHIRT, THE SERVICEABLE GARMENT OF YOUR AVERAGE ALTERNIAN "JOE", CHILLING THE FRAIL TORSO BENEATH, A PATHETIC DUFFEL OF MEAT WRACKED WITH HEAVY SOBS, SOBS CAUSED BY WORDS, WORDS WHICH CONTINUE TO DRIP. AND SLEUCE. AND SPILL. THREATENING TO DROWN ME. PLEDGING TO. PROMISING! AND YET I WILL NOT DROWN. WHY WON'T I DROWN? PLEASE LET ME DROWN. LET ME DROWN SO THE WORDS WILL BE NO MORE!
60166	JOHN: dave, i'm pretty sure we're making karkat uncomfortable now.
60167	DAVE: yeah maybe we should drop this
60168	JOHN: ok.
60169	DAVE: i dunno if you ever picked this up from him but hes a pretty sensitive guy
60170	JOHN: what?? nooooo.
60171	DAVE: its true
60172	DAVE: hes pretty much the easiest dude to rip on and makes for an irresistible target but you also have to know where to draw the line
60173	DAVE: really dont wanna actually you know like
60174	DAVE: upset him
60175	JOHN: yeah, me neither.
60176	JOHN: um...
60177	JOHN: what the fuck is he doing?
60178	DAVE: man i dont know
60179	DAVE: thats just his regular shit
60180	DAVE: like, an every day occurrence but with different bodily positions and geographic configurations
60181	JOHN: i see.
60182	DAVE: bro will you get the fuck up here
60183	KARKAT: NO!
60184	DAVE: k suit yourself
60185	DAVE: um anyway
60186	DAVE: as you can see ive been spending probably way too much time with trolls
60187	JOHN: ha ha.
60188	DAVE: it messes with you
60189	DAVE: gets you thinkin about... stuff
60190	DAVE: you know?
60191	JOHN: i can imagine.
60192	JOHN: i think life was a lot more boring on the ship.
60193	JOHN: but we talked about you all a lot!
60194	JOHN: we would always wonder how you and rose were managing to get along with all those crazy trolls.
60195	JOHN: i think mostly we pictured a lot of arguments.
60196	DAVE: thats not too far off
60197	JOHN: i'm still getting used to having such insane, limitless powers that let me go anywhere i want...
60198	JOHN: it's tempting to go to time periods like yours and find out what i missed.
60199	JOHN: but i don't want to mess with too much anymore, since it seems like i got the time line to a nice stable place as it is.
60200	JOHN: so i guess i just have to do what any regular guy does, and imagine fondly what it would be like if i got to travel with you guys.
60201	JOHN: i wonder if i would have gotten like... absorbed in troll culture too? or troll ways of thinking.
60202	DAVE: its really inevitable
60203	DAVE: you pick up the lingo they pick up yours
60204	DAVE: its like a stupid cultural melange after a while that barely makes any sense from either frame of reference
60205	JOHN: i wonder if i would have learned to understand black romance?
60206	JOHN: it's such a goofy idea, but it seems pretty important to trolls.
60207	DAVE: they take all their quadrants pretty seriously tbh
60208	JOHN: yeah.
60209	JOHN: years ago when we first met the trolls, i remember being pretty fascinated by all our cultural differences, when karkat and vriska were telling me about them.
60210	JOHN: i remember really sincerely trying to understand it all from their point of view! it's hard though.
60211	JOHN: i still think about the idea of black romance sometimes, and try to imagine how that really works... or "feels"... i don't know.
60212	JOHN: do you understand it?
60213	DAVE: yeah ive spent enough time talkin about it where i think i "get it" but
60214	DAVE: ive never had cause or any real inclination to put it into practice or anything
60215	JOHN: mainly the idea of hating somebody, and translating that into attraction, or some kind of romancey feeling... it feels so alien to me.
60216	JOHN: and you're right, i have a really hard time even hating anyone in the first place!
60217	DAVE: word
60218	JOHN: i mean, i get ANNOYED by people, sure.
60219	DAVE: like who
60220	DAVE: me?
60221	JOHN: no, not really.
60222	JOHN: well, sometimes, but not much. i always tended to exaggerate my grievances with you, for the sake of laughs.
60223	DAVE: heheh
60224	JOHN: a better example is, more recently, when i was doing my retcon mission...
60225	JOHN: i was getting REALLY annoyed with terezi and her mind games.
60226	DAVE: yuuup
60227	JOHN: it definitely never crossed the line to "hate" though, because we were working together to try and fix a dire situation, and even though she's weird and insane, she's otherwise a pretty good friend.
60228	JOHN: but all her needling and japes at totally inappropriate times, when there was so much on the line...
60229	JOHN: argh, it was SO FRUSTRATING.
60230	KARKAT: EGBERT, I HAVE NEWS FOR YOU.
60231	DAVE: whoa hes back!
60232	DAVE: all right side up and everything
60233	KARKAT: I HEARD YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT QUADRANTS, SO I DECIDED TO PAUSE MY TANTRUM.
60234	KARKAT: JOHN, ALL YOU'RE DOING HERE IS DESCRIBING THE SUBTLE FEELINGS WHICH PLANT THE SEED FOR HAVING A CALIGINOUS CRUSH ON SOMEONE.
60235	JOHN: what??
60236	KARKAT: YOU HEARD ME.
60237	KARKAT: YOU ARE NAIVELY ADMITTING TO STRUGGLING WITH SOME BLACK FEELINGS FOR TEREZI.
60238	KARKAT: SO, THERE YOU GO. QUESTION ANSWERED.
60239	KARKAT: TURNS OUT YOU ARE PERFECTLY CAPABLE OF BLACK ROMANCE.
60240	JOHN: n... no!
60241	KARKAT: A FAIR REBUTTAL. HOWEVER, CONSIDER THIS COUNTERPOINT:
60242	KARKAT: Y... YES???
60243	JOHN: but i don't HATE her, and i'm sure i never will!
60244	JOHN: i'm just saying i find her, like, somewhat annoying, and REALLY aggravating a lot of the time, but that's it!
60245	KARKAT: BUT THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT THE FEELING IS!
60246	KARKAT: IT DOESN'T START OUT AS FULL BLOWN ANTIPATHY, AND IT RARELY EVEN REACHES SUCH AN EXTREME LEVEL OF HOSTILITY EVEN OVER LONG TERM BLACK RELATIONSHIPS.
60247	KARKAT: THERE ARE PEAKS TO IT, BUT OTHERWISE A GENERAL EBB AND FLOW TO THE DARK FEELINGS, JUST LIKE WITH FLUSHED RELATIONSHIPS.
60248	JOHN: ok, but...
60249	JOHN: i don't know if i'm expressing myself clearly.
60250	JOHN: i felt aggravated by her a lot, but that doesn't fully describe...
60251	JOHN: like, there were those "negative" feelings, but also...
60252	JOHN: but...
60253	KARKAT: YEAH, THAT'S IT, RIGHT THERE!!!
60254	KARKAT: THE "BUT" IS ALWAYS PART OF IT.
60255	KARKAT: WHAT YOU'RE *TRYING* TO SAY IS, YOU HAD FRUSTRATED, NEGATIVE EMOTIONS TOWARD HER, BUT THEY DON'T COMPREHENSIVELY ACCOUNT FOR YOUR ATTITUDE TOWARD HER.
60256	KARKAT: MEANING, THERE ARE SOME THINGS ABOUT HER YOU ACTUALLY LIKE, BUT THE NEGATIVE FEELINGS MAKE IT HARD FOR YOU TO PUT YOUR FINGER ON THEM, OR EVEN WANT TO ACKNOWLEDGE THEM.
60257	KARKAT: THAT IS ABSOLUTELY STANDARD. WHAT GOOD WOULD IT BE HAVING A KISMESIS WHO DIDN'T POSSESS QUALITIES YOU ACTUALLY ADMIRED ON SOME LEVEL?
60258	KARKAT: THAT WOULD BE BORING, AND IT WOULDN'T EVEN WORK. THERE'D BE NO TENSION, NO PUSH AND PULL IN THE TURBULENT EMOTIONAL LANDSCAPE. THE SUBTLE POSITIVES ADD FUEL TO THE NEGATIVE FEELINGS, OFTEN GIVING THEM A REASON TO EXIST AT ALL. THEY INFLAME THE AGGRAVATING FACTORS, REMINDING YOU DEEP DOWN HOW MUCH YOU WOULD LIKE AND ADMIRE THIS PERSON IF IT WASN'T FOR ALL THEIR INFURIATING FLAWS, AND THE INCREDIBLE SENSE OF FRUSTRATION THAT CAUSES ALONG WITH ALL THE ASSOCIATED HOT-HEADED FEELINGS, THAT'S THE ESSENCE OF BLACK ROMANCE.
60259	KARKAT: AND THE POSITIVE QUALITIES YOU SEE DEEP DOWN IN A KISMESIS ALSO SERVE AS THE BASIS FOR RED FEELINGS TOWARD THAT PERSON, ASSUMING THE RELATIONSHIP EVER STARTS TO VACILLATE.
60260	KARKAT: IT'S ALL PRETTY STRAIGHTFORWARD, REALLY.
60261	JOHN: no... this is messed up!
60262	DAVE: i dunno john it all sounds pretty logical to me
60263	DAVE: karkat knows his shit when it comes to quadrants
60264	JOHN: argh!
60265	JOHN: it can't be true though...
60266	JOHN: it feels so fucked up!
60267	JOHN: what if you're right though... erg! no...
60268	JOHN: no, no, no, no...
60269	KARKAT: THAT'S PART OF IT TOO!
60270	KARKAT: THE "NO NO NO" IS ALL PART OF THE FEELING. THAT'S HOW IT *ALWAYS* GOES.
60271	KARKAT: THIS SENSE OF SELF INCRIMINATION WHEN IT'S DAWNING ON YOU THAT YOU HAVE THESE CONFLICTING FEELINGS TOWARD SOMEONE WHO BUGS YOU SO MUCH.
60272	KARKAT: OH MY GOD, THIS WHOLE REACTION IS SO FUCKING TEXTBOOK. IT'S HILARIOUS, REALLY.
60273	JOHN: it's fucked up though!!!
60274	KARKAT: IT'S SUPPOSED TO FEEL FUCKED UP!
60275	JOHN: aw, man. :(
60276	JOHN: i just wanted to have a nice catch-up chat, not get so transparently owned at the trollmances.
60277	DAVE: it happens to the best of us sooner or later
60278	DAVE: this crap is kind of old hat to me by now but i get why youre kinda freckling at the implications here
60279	DAVE: you didnt have years of livin with trolls to kinda normalize this stuff
60280	JOHN: i don't think i want it to feel normalized though!
60281	JOHN: i'm not ready to...
60282	JOHN: like, admit that... i have some warped spade crush on her, based on...
60283	JOHN: some feeling i don't understand and makes no sense to me!
60284	JOHN: oh god... what if it's true??
60285	JOHN: i have to try as hard as i can to suppress this feeling and make sure i never think about it again!
60286	DAVE: ok sounds like a weenie thing to do but sure have fun with that
60287	JOHN: fuck.
60288	JOHN: yeah, probably.
60289	JOHN: just...
60290	JOHN: please don't tell her about any of this, ok guys?
60291	KARKAT: JOHN, YOU DON'T HAVE TO REMIND US ABOUT ONE OF THE MOST FUNDAMENTAL STATUTES OF THE BRO CODE, WHICH IS PRACTICALLY FUCKING SCRIPTURE ON MY PLANET, DATING BACK HUNDREDS OF MILLENIA.
60292	KARKAT: DAVE AND I FUCKING SLEEP AND BREATHE THE BRO CODE AND ALL OF ITS CLAUSES, NO MATTER HOW FINE THE PRINT.
60293	KARKAT: FEEL FREE TO COME AND TALK TO US ABOUT THIS ANY TIME. YOUR SECRETS WILL ALWAYS BE SAFE.
60294	DAVE: dude that sentiment is well and good but
60295	DAVE: when youre pledging a vow of secrecy maybe you should try to keep it down a little
60296	KARKAT: DAMN. YEAH.
60297	KARKAT: SORRY.
60298	JOHN: this is really confusing though.
60299	JOHN: assuming you're right, and i am "busted" on having those feelings... and i'm not even saying you aren't.
60300	JOHN: but...
60301	JOHN: i thought humans weren't supposed to be able to feel stuff like that?
60302	KARKAT: LIKE WHAT EXACTLY?
60303	JOHN: like, perceive and feel romantic stuff, in the same way trolls do.
60304	JOHN: because we're aliens to each other!
60305	JOHN: well ok, humans can feel the gay stuff pretty often, i guess.
60306	JOHN: i didn't think we could feel the spade stuff, though.
60307	JOHN: i dunno, i just thought it was some screwy biological difference?
60308	DAVE: nah i disagree
60309	DAVE: both humans and trolls are emotionally versatile sentient beings that can feel many hells of different things
60310	JOHN: you're probably right.
60311	JOHN: you would know better than me, at least.
60312	DAVE: thats always a smart fallback position btw
60313	DAVE: especially on rap
60314	DAVE: i could school you on rap too are you confused about rap
60315	JOHN: no dave, i think i'm pretty squared away on rap.
60316	JOHN: at least for now. :p
60317	DAVE: so uh
60318	DAVE: this has been a hell of a reminiscence so far
60319	JOHN: yeah...
60320	DAVE: seriously though i wasnt actually intending to fork this like instantaneously in the direction of some like
60321	DAVE: legitimately sincere dialogue on fuckin sexuality and romance
60322	DAVE: i didnt plan on this dude you gotta believe me
60323	JOHN: i believe you!
60324	JOHN: it's been cool though.
60325	DAVE: yeah
60326	DAVE: did we cover everything
60327	JOHN: um...
60328	JOHN: probably not?
60329	JOHN: oh, right.
60330	JOHN: you dated jade for a while, so there's that.
60331	DAVE: whoa what
60332	JOHN: i mean, dave sprite did.
60333	DAVE: oh
60334	JOHN: and of course i mean, the one from my time, obviously not the one from this time, who died i guess before that happened.
60335	DAVE: right
60336	JOHN: man, that still just seems... so sad.
60337	JOHN: i guess even when you fix things, not everything can be perfect.
60338	DAVE: yeah
60339	DAVE: so
60340	DAVE: howd that go
60341	DAVE: me and jade
60342	DAVE: or...
60343	DAVE: him and jade
60344	JOHN: ok, i guess.
60345	JOHN: my sense was, it was kind of dramatic overall.
60346	JOHN: i'm not sure it was the best relationship, probably because of dave sprite's uh...
60347	JOHN: "unique issues".
60348	DAVE: hmm
60349	JOHN: but there were a lot of fun memories.
60350	JOHN: i'll tell you about them some time. maybe when jade is awake, because i'm sure she'd want to know too!
60351	DAVE: yeah
60352	DAVE: hey
60353	DAVE: um
60354	JOHN: ?
60355	DAVE: the girl you came with
60356	DAVE: roses mom
60357	JOHN: roxy?
60358	DAVE: yeah
60359	DAVE: whats she like
60360	JOHN: she's nice!!!
60361	JOHN: really nice.
60362	JOHN: she is fun and easy to talk to...
60363	JOHN: it almost feels like she has always been one of our friends, you know?
60364	DAVE: yeah
60365	DAVE: how uh
60366	DAVE: how long have you and she actually been traveling together
60367	JOHN: umm...
60368	JOHN: not too long.
60369	JOHN: we only met like a day ago, i mean, from my perspective.
60370	DAVE: huh
60371	JOHN: she's been through some really difficult stuff recently.
60372	JOHN: well, we both have, actually.
60373	JOHN: but i feel like it was all... a bit more personal for her?
60374	JOHN: being on her adventure, then suddenly losing all her friends, and watching rose die right there, while she'd been kinda viewing rose as a version of her mom...
60375	JOHN: i was just some goofball drifting randomly here and there between realities, so i was mostly just confused by everything.
60376	JOHN: but for her, i could tell it was all really devastating.
60377	JOHN: i'm so happy she gets to be with rose again!!!!!!!!!!
60378	JOHN: not to mention all her other friends!
60379	JOHN: for some reason i feel happier for her getting to reunite with people she lost than i do for myself.
60380	DAVE: it sounds like you like her
60381	JOHN: i do!
60382	DAVE: no i mean
60383	DAVE: actually like her
60384	JOHN: oh.
60385	JOHN: ... uh, hm.
60386	JOHN: i don't know.
60387	JOHN: maybe.
60388	DAVE: wow dude after one day maybe you should slow your roll
60389	JOHN: i didn't say i did though!!!
60390	DAVE: im joking its fine who cares
60391	JOHN: oh, ok.
60392	DAVE: shes my mom isnt she
60393	JOHN: man.
60394	JOHN: i'm not sure if we should keep thinking about all our relations that way.
60395	DAVE: why
60396	JOHN: it's kinda weird!
60397	DAVE: is it
60398	JOHN: ...
60399	DAVE: do you feel weird about dating my mom is that it
60400	JOHN: i'm not dating her though!
60401	DAVE: but if you did
60402	DAVE: then you wouldnt wanna think of her like that because of like the familial weirdtimes it invokes
60403	JOHN: jeez.
60404	JOHN: i don't know. i...
60405	JOHN: i don't know if i'm ready for every single "deep" conversation we can squeeze into this wacky rapid fire session of fun pal-talk!
60406	DAVE: ok
60407	DAVE: but
60408	DAVE: i think i like thinking of her as my mom
60409	DAVE: even if its a lil weird
60410	JOHN: you do?
60411	JOHN: why?
60412	DAVE: not sure
60413	DAVE: i never even stopped and thought about it before
60414	DAVE: the idea of what it would be like to have a mom
60415	DAVE: instead of a hyper-aggressive lunatic of an adult male guardian
60416	DAVE: i never let myself give it a second of consideration
60417	DAVE: but now
60418	DAVE: seeing her actually here even though shes just some teen girl i never met
60419	DAVE: i like the idea
60420	DAVE: its nice
60421	JOHN: ...
60422	JOHN: ok, that's actually kind of cute.
60423	DAVE: yeah
60424	DAVE: yeah i guess it kind of fucking is
60425	JOHN: alright, well.
60426	JOHN: no matter what happens, it's ok with me if you want to think of her that way. :)
60427	DAVE: sweet
60428	ROXY: haha im sorry
60429	ROSE: Sorry about what?
60430	ROXY: for stammering an all being an agog grinning idiot
60431	ROXY: i just cannot....
60432	ROXY: actually believe u are real and here and alive and not dying and so am i!
60433	ROXY: here with u i mean + sharin all those mentioned attributes
60434	ROSE: I can't believe it either!
60435	ROXY: i have so much to say...
60436	ROXY: i think???
60437	ROXY: even though i cant think of the stuff atm
60438	ROSE: I know what you mean.
60439	ROXY: i hope its ok if i just sit near u not bein 'specially articulate for a bit
60440	ROSE: That is more than ok.
60441	ROSE: As long as you are willing to similarly excuse the spectacular demise of my capacity for artful self-expression.
60442	ROXY: omg!!!!
60443	ROXY: ahahah youre dirk!
60444	ROXY: wow wow i just caught it wow wow wow!
60445	ROXY: you sound SO much like him oh my GOD thats too perf and cute :3
60446	ROSE: Dirk?
60447	ROXY: hahah i cant get over it now i cant unhear it...
60448	ROXY: even your voice sounds kinda like his but its just... girl dirk
60449	ROXY: lmao wow yes <3
60450	ROSE: He sounds like a hell of a guy.
60451	ROXY: ohh u have noo idea
60452	ROSE: Well, I'm told he should be arriving here in a little while.
60453	ROSE: If he's anything like Dave's late older brother, and if he's anything like me, which he apparently is, then this is when I'm guessing the real party will begin.
60454	ROXY: im redy <|:)
60455	ROSE: I want to know things about him.
60456	ROSE: Such as, if he shares his elder counterpart's avarice for soft puppet ass.
60457	ROSE: And if that, combined with his myriad, vaguely unsettling psychological peculiarities, could occupy a dedicated team of therapists for years.
60458	ROXY: the answer is yes and yes
60459	ROSE: Hmm.
60460	ROSE: Knowing this amuses me, for some reason.
60461	ROSE: But mainly, there are things I want to know about you.
60462	ROSE: I presume there will be plenty of time later to hound my biological father for the dirt on his proclivities.
60463	ROXY: whatta ya wanna know about me?
60464	ROSE: Everything!
60465	ROSE: I think the main difficulty in deciding what to ask is in sifting questions I would have for my mother, that is to say, the woman who raised me, from the questions I have for you.
60466	ROXY: well i didnt raise u or anything but i can sincerely take a crack at both kindsa questions
60467	ROSE: Ok.
60468	ROSE: Do...
60469	ROSE: You really like wizards?
60470	ROXY: rose
60471	ROSE: Yes?
60472	ROXY: rose
60473	ROXY: rooose
60474	ROSE: ...
60475	ROXY: i fucken
60476	ROXY: LOVE
60477	ROXY: wizzards
60478	ROSE: I see.
60479	ROSE: As odd as it sounds, that actually does go pretty far in letting me know something about both of you.
60480	ROXY: oh?
60481	ROSE: My relationship with her was complicated.
60482	ROSE: But I've come to see that as mostly my fault. I was too young to understand her.
60483	ROXY: i never even got the chance to misunderstand my mom
60484	ROXY: or grownup you
60485	ROXY: or... i mean i didnt get to misunderstand her IN PERSON
60486	ROXY: more like as a legendary figure
60487	ROXY: cause i grew up 400 years after she died
60488	ROSE: Ah, right.
60489	ROSE: I think I'm going to have to call the contest early. Yours is the more interesting biography, by quite a lot.
60490	ROXY: not really!
60491	ROXY: not to me at least... i was lonely
60492	ROXY: i thought about her a lot to pass the time
60493	ROXY: she was p amazing at least according to history
60494	ROXY: she wrote hella books about wizards and rode a genocidal fat man down a waterfall of blood
60495	ROSE: She wrote hella books about wizards?
60496	ROXY: yeh!
60497	ROXY: they were famous n good and everything
60498	ROSE: It sounds like I fumbled into the wrong line of work.
60499	ROSE: There's no money in this Sburb business.
60500	ROSE: Well, there is. It just comes in incredibly stupid denominations, which are not particularly useful.
60501	KANAYA: Do You Have Copies Of These Books
60502	ROXY: ummmm yes!
60503	ROXY: yes i do there are copies back on my planet
60504	ROXY: assuming john didnt retcon them away like a book thiefin sneak!
60505	KANAYA: I Would Really Love To Read Them Some Time If You Wouldnt Mind
60506	ROXY: no not at all!
60507	ROSE: By the way, this is Kanaya.
60508	ROSE: Sorry for the combination of bad manners and general dumbfoundedness which precluded a more timely introduction.
60509	KANAYA: Hello
60510	ROXY: hey!
60511	ROXY: thats a nice name and also ur pretty
60512	KANAYA: Thank You
60513	KANAYA: I Admire The Aesthetics Of Your Name And Appearance As Well And In No Small Part Due To Their Respective Similarity To Your Daughters
60514	ROXY: wow man that was somehow both a convoluted thing to say yet smooth as hell
60515	ROXY: m impressed
60516	ROSE: Welcome to Maryam City, population, a whole lot of great remarks like that.
60517	ROXY: but yes ill get u those books!
60518	ROXY: theyre great they made me wanna write my own wizard books
60519	ROSE: Did you?
60520	ROXY: errr
60521	ROXY: yeah sorta :\
60522	ROSE: Could I read them?
60523	ROXY: ummmm
60524	ROSE: Hey, you got to read mine!
60525	ROXY: yeah but u were like an old pro when u wrote yours!
60526	ROXY: they are freaking MASTERPIECE WIZARDFICS!!!
60527	ROXY: they won pulizters and shit
60528	ROSE: Did they really??
60529	ROXY: um idk probably?
60530	ROSE: Oh.
60531	ROXY: i dunno they are just vry vry good
60532	ROXY: so the ancient prize scholars im sure were like, dude these wizards
60533	ROXY: are vry vry fucking good
60534	ROXY: give them all the awards, then shut down the awards, but not cuz of the looming apocalypse, just cuz u literally cannot do better than these wizards
60535	ROSE: I can live with that.
60536	ROSE: It's always been one of my professional goals to write tales of magical men so provocative, they would cause the permanent and unceremonious dissolution of at least one prestigious award.
60537	ROXY: so yeah i dunno i guess u can see
60538	ROXY: but its a pale ghost of a story compared to ur stuff and its also um kinda weird?
60539	ROSE: I like weird!
60540	ROXY: yeah
60541	ROXY: just... your opinion means a lot to me & im nervous u might think it sucks!
60542	ROSE: But I never even wrote the masterpieces you read.
60543	ROSE: I think you may have a view of my abilities which I haven't earned yet.
60544	ROSE: Really, I'm not that good.
60545	ROSE: I have my own story drafts which you can read if you like.
60546	ROSE: They're nothing special, frankly.
60547	ROXY: o really??
60548	ROXY: aw man ok then that sounds fun! :)
60549	KANAYA: If During Your Manuscript Exchange You Need Someone To Read Over Your Shoulder
60550	KANAYA: Say
60551	KANAYA: To Proofread
60552	KANAYA: Or
60553	KANAYA: To Purge Each Sentence Of Punctuation And Capitalize The First Letter Of Every Word
60554	KANAYA: Id Be Happy To Volunteer
60555	KANAYA: Strictly Professionally Of Course And Not Because I Really Want To Read Your Wizard Things Too
60556	KANAYA: (I Really Want To Read Your Wizard Things Too I Hope Thats Okay)
60557	ROXY: hahaha yeah sure its ok!
60558	ROXY: kanaya sorry me and rose are babbling away here to each other we dont mean to be excluding you
60559	KANAYA: Its Fine I Am Thoroughly Enjoying My Role As A Spectator
60560	KANAYA: I Know That Rose Has Been Looking Forward To This A Lot
60561	KANAYA: And That She Received Similarly Vicarious And Politely Passive Enjoyment From The Interactions I Had With My Ancestor
60562	KANAYA: So Now I Will Just Resume The Politely Passive Part Of It Ha Ha
60563	ROXY: u dont gotta!
60564	ROXY: jump in whenever you feelin it! :D
60565	ROXY: i love meeting new trolls
60566	ROXY: well at least when theyre not evil or somethin
60567	ROXY: love them not evil trolls
60568	ROXY: like the cranky one over there in rad ruby shades
60569	KANAYA: Terezi
60570	ROXY: yeah shes a boss
60571	KANAYA: Thats A Pretty Fair Way To Describe The Attitude Of Anyone Higher Than Me On The Hemospectrum
60572	KANAYA: But Yes You Are Right
60573	ROXY: oh also
60574	ROXY: lest we forget dear fefeta
60575	KANAYA: Fefeta
60576	KANAYA: Do You Mean
60577	KANAYA: Feferi?
60578	ROXY: no fefeta!!!
60579	ROXY: she was a dear precious soul
60580	KANAYA: Hmm
60581	ROXY: she was my sprite
60582	ROXY: guess she never happened in this version of stuff though?
60583	ROXY: dang
60584	ROXY: thats sad but maybe not quite as sad as her existing then exploding?
60585	ROXY: im confuse
60586	ROXY: wonder what even else is different...
60587	ROSE: Well, you died too.
60588	ROXY: i did?
60589	ROSE: Yes, while pushing me out of the way of a fork.
60590	ROSE: So, thank you for that, retroactively. And... to a different version of you.
60591	ROXY: jeez
60592	ROXY: yeah i... had a really similar thing happen in my timeline...
60593	ROXY: also involving a fork
60594	ROXY: and even tho youre ok now its still almost too sad to even talk about
60595	ROSE: Yeah.
60596	ROSE: We didn't get to exchange even a single word before you were gone.
60597	ROSE: All I could think was, "How can this be happening again?"
60598	ROSE: Luckily the sense of misery was short lived, though.
60599	ROSE: It wasn't long before I was informed the incident was part of something bigger taking shape.
60600	ROSE: And that John was on his way with a different version of you.
60601	ROSE: I had no idea what "a different version" actually entailed, but I wasn't about to quibble.
60602	ROSE: I was so relieved.
60603	ROXY: same
60604	ROXY: altho...
60605	ROXY: instead of waiting for you to come back i had to jump thru all these hoops with john
60606	ROXY: and went through some uh
60607	ROXY: different stuff
60608	ROXY: i uh
60609	ROXY: i MAY have thrown an impromptu funeral for your alt-u dead body :o
60610	ROSE: You did?
60611	ROXY: yup
60612	ROXY: sorry if that sounds weird
60613	ROXY: and i knew i was comin to meet a new version of you
60614	ROXY: but
60615	ROXY: it helped me
60616	ROXY: with like
60617	ROXY: feelings about people i left behind
60618	ROSE: A funeral...
60619	ROSE: Wow, that,
60620	ROXY: ?
60621	ROSE: Sorry for this, if it comes off as odd, but,
60622	ROSE: That is so "mom" of you.
60623	ROXY: oh yea?
60624	ROSE: M-hm.
60625	ROXY: hehe
60626	ROXY: i like your mom!
60627	ROSE: Me too.
60628	ROSE: I don't mean to be too analytical about getting to know you, really.
60629	ROSE: I guess comparisons are little hard for me to avoid, since the adult version of you played such a significant role in my life.
60630	ROSE: So I can't help seeing the similarities when they are there.
60631	ROSE: But also you are so clearly your own person, shaped by your own experiences, and that is the person I would prefer to get to know, rather than a young avatar for the memory of a departed parent.
60632	ROSE: Yet this is the context which somewhat inescapably colors my perception of what you reveal.
60633	ROSE: So while some observations are in the vein of predictable, charmingly so, mind you...
60634	ROSE: Others I regard as surprising.
60635	ROXY: what about me is surprising?
60636	ROSE: Well.
60637	ROSE: You aren't,
60638	ROSE: You don't quite seem like a person who...
60639	ROSE: Er.
60640	ROXY: .....?
60641	ROSE: I don't want to ask anything that would sound rude to you, or spiteful to her.
60642	ROSE: Because I don't feel that conflicted about this anymore.
60643	ROSE: Particularly since I had my own troubles with it. So it would be pretty hypocritical.
60644	ROXY: conflicted about what?
60645	ROSE: Let me back up a little.
60646	ROSE: It was a long ride on that meteor.
60647	ROSE: One experiences things over a few years, given a lot of time to think. Changes and such.
60648	ROSE: About half way through, I started thinking more...
60649	ROSE: About mom. And about you.
60650	ROSE: Knowing that I'd probably meet you, and. I don't know. Live up to the experience?
60651	ROSE: It's silly, but I'm guessing you understand what I mean.
60652	ROXY: :)
60653	ROSE: Basically, I was just nervous.
60654	ROSE: And it was all mixed up with feelings of conflict and remorse over my mother.
60655	ROSE: Who, to my hazy preteen recollection, never wasted a day in my life on sobriety.
60656	ROSE: She and her habit put all those days to quite effective use, actually.
60657	ROSE: And I don't even quite remember the thought process that led to this, but,
60658	ROSE: I sort of ran with it too?
60659	ROSE: The habit, I mean. For a while at least.
60660	ROSE: I was still distraught about losing her. And wanted to understand her.
60661	ROSE: To connect with her, in some way. And I guess that was the only idea I had.
60662	ROSE: And on some level, I think connecting with her was also a way of preparing myself to meet you...
60663	ROSE: Even though that probably makes no sense.
60664	ROSE: Since you aren't literally her, and don't share all her...
60665	ROSE: I guess I shouldn't speak for you, though.
60666	ROXY: so youre sayin
60667	ROXY: youre surprised im unlike her in that way cause i dont seem like someone whod get drunk off her ass all the time?
60668	ROSE: Um-
60669	ROXY: hahahaha
60670	ROXY: well i guess i should be flattered if u rly think so buttttt
60671	ROXY: wrong
60672	ROSE: So... you,
60673	ROXY: my storys kind of like yours!
60674	ROXY: i had a mom i never knew and wanted to feel close to her however i could
60675	ROXY: i grew up MOSTLY unsupervised in her old old house
60676	ROXY: and it had all this old stuff in it plus some old booze squirrelled away here and there
60677	ROXY: aaand i just uhhh started up even tho i was WAY too young for shit like that WHOOPS....
60678	ROXY: and like i said it was a bit lite on discipline round then, its not like a buncha silly pumpkin eaters were gonna stop me
60679	ROSE: Pumpkin eaters?
60680	ROXY: chess guys
60681	ROXY: loads of them
60682	ROSE: !
60683	ROXY: but yeah i wanted to be like her and do what she did but mostly just made a hot catastrophe of myself
60684	ROXY: i doubt that is what she wanted
60685	ROXY: at the time it seemed like a cool thing a real intellectual an mysterious book celebrity would do while also leading a badass and secretly subversive life in opposition of tyranny
60686	ROXY: but
60687	ROXY: i think what is more likely is
60688	ROXY: she knew the whole world would end and everyone would die no matter what she did
60689	ROXY: which was probly hard to live with
60690	ROXY: idk if i can blame the old lady for wantin to get a WEE bit sauced after a couple of rapping clowns won a presidential election
60691	ROSE: Yeah, I...
60692	ROSE: Wait, what?
60693	ROSE: Clowns?
60694	ROXY: long story
60695	ROXY: bad story
60696	ROXY: plz continue
60697	ROSE: Ok. Yes, I'm sure my mother knew the end was coming too.
60698	ROSE: Knowing that helped put a lot of her behavior in context for me. I was always too young to understand.
60699	ROXY: poor moms :(
60700	ROXY: poor poor adult dead sexy lady us :( :(
60701	ROSE: Truth.
60702	ROXY: but anyway
60703	ROXY: back to... us!
60704	ROXY: kid alive sexy lady us
60705	ROSE: Yes.
60706	ROSE: It sounds like your Rose had an incredible career, but all things considered, I prefer being kid alive sexy lady me.
60707	ROXY: agree
60708	ROXY: i know what you mean about being nervous
60709	ROXY: about meeting you i mean
60710	ROXY: maybe nervous isnt quite right but
60711	ROXY: when i started thinking about meeting u is when i started thinkin...
60712	ROXY: i should try being not QUIIITE such a mess
60713	ROXY: so i started takin the idea of cleaning up my act more seriously
60714	ROSE: Ultimately, I concluded the same thing.
60715	ROSE: I decided it wouldn't be a very dignified way to make an entrance.
60716	ROSE: Or for that matter, a very constructive way to help out in a struggle to preserve reality.
60717	ROSE: Luckily, I was able to cut it out a while ago. I admit, it wasn't easy.
60718	ROSE: But it helped a lot to have people around looking out for me.
60719	ROSE: *Poke.*
60720	KANAYA: ...
60721	KANAYA: *Sits Poked*
60722	ROXY: yeah i had friends help me too!
60723	ROXY: i couldnta done it w/o them either
60724	ROSE: I never had "IRL" friends before this trip.
60725	ROSE: It's interesting to observe the various ways they apply themselves to your benefit.
60726	ROSE: Some people are around to make you feel like you're worth sticking with, even when you fuck up.
60727	ROSE: And some people are around to kick your ass to make sure you don't.
60728	ROXY: haha
60729	ROXY: i think i had to play the latter role to my friends a lot
60730	ROXY: and also to myself i guess
60731	ROXY: who kicked your ass
60732	ROXY: was it the yelly guy over there?
60733	ROSE: No, Karkat was mostly preoccupied with his own... shenanigans.
60734	ROSE: The yelling is deceptive. He's a rather private person.
60735	ROSE: Vriska, however.
60736	ROSE: She really is quite an extravagant bitch.
60737	ROXY: lmao
60738	ROSE: But it turns out people like that tend to have some convenient assets.
60739	ROSE: Such as, the sheer force of personality to keep a bunch of idiots from falling apart.
60740	ROSE: Don't get me wrong. It's quite annoying.
60741	ROSE: But... useful.
60742	ROXY: yeaaah
60743	ROXY: i probably should have been more of a bitch to all my peeps
60744	ROXY: maybe we wouldnt have gone to jail and died
60745	ROSE: Let it be a lesson to us all.
60746	ROXY: seriously tho
60747	ROXY: is so nice hearin ur stories
60748	ROXY: especially the similarities of stuff we experienced
60749	ROXY: wizards and writing and mom stuff and even bad things we went through
60750	ROXY: and obviously were similar by dna and all
60751	ROXY: but even so
60752	ROXY: it still feels comforting
60753	ROXY: that even if u flip the universe upside down and change it all around
60754	ROXY: pull us apart by centuries, kill humans off, flood the world
60755	ROXY: were still connected to each other
60756	ROXY: in a mysterious way that goes beyond genes and circumstance
60757	ROXY: and that i think is some tight frickin noise to consider
60758	ROSE: I'm considering it right now, and yes.
60759	ROSE: That noise... it is SO tight.
60760	ROXY: :')
60761	ROSE: :')
60762	KANAYA: :')
60763	DAVE: hey what are we all talking about over here
60764	ROSE: Damn it, Dave.
60765	JAKE: Tavrosprite is it ok if we pretend to have a conversation over here for a while...
60766	JAKE: So that i look busy and not come off as big of a doofus as i feel like?
60767	TAVROSPRITE: i CAN OBLIGE, aND ALSO PERSONALLY IDENTIFY, wITH THAT IDEA, aND THE FEELINGS OF SELF LAMENESS BEHIND IT,
60768	TAVROSPRITE: bUUUT,
60769	TAVROSPRITE: i COULD ALSO HELP YOU OUT WITH A REAL CONVERSATION TOO, iNSTEAD OF A FAKE ONE,
60770	TAVROSPRITE: iN FACT, mAYBE WE ALREADY EVEN SAID ENOUGH WORDS TOGETHER, jUST NOW, fOR THAT TO QUALIFY, }:)
60771	JAKE: Hahaha oh tavrosprite.
60772	JAKE: You have always been the one ray of light shining through the clouds in what has otherwise been an emotionally stormy game experience for me.
60773	JAKE: Im so grateful that you found it in your ghostly bosom to drift over to lomax now and then to cheer me up.
60774	JAKE: Often enough to give me a real pickmeup when feeling blue over friend problems but just seldom enough to feel like a rare delight when you did.
60775	TAVROSPRITE: yEAH,
60776	TAVROSPRITE: i WAS UNDER STRICT INSTRUCTION FROM VRISKA, tO NOT INTERFERE WITH THE TIMELINE MUCH, fOR LOTS OF MONTHS,
60777	TAVROSPRITE: sO i DIDN'T SAY HELLO OFTEN,
60778	TAVROSPRITE: sHE HELPED ME BE BACK ALIVE, sO, i OWED HER THAT MUCH ON ONE HAND,
60779	TAVROSPRITE: bUT ON THE OTHER, i THINK SHE WAS DOING HER BOSSY THING, fOR THE SAKE OF JUST TELLING ME WHAT TO DO,
60780	TAVROSPRITE: aND i DIDN'T SEE HOW JUST BEING FRIENDLY SOMETIMES, wAS EVEN CHANGING THE TIMELINE MUCH, oR WHY THAT IDEA EVEN MATTERED?
60781	TAVROSPRITE: bECAUSE IT SEEMED LIKE MOST OF YOU ALL HERE, nEVER DID MUCH IMPORTANT STUFF ANYWAY,
60782	JAKE: Haha! Its true. More tiptop wisdom from that sage bullheaded noggin of yours.
60783	TAVROSPRITE: wHY DO YOU WANT TO BE PRETEND-TALKING, (eVEN THOUGH IT'S REAL), aND LOOK BUSY TO YOUR FRIENDS?
60784	JAKE: Im just not up to all this socialization yet.
60785	JAKE: Maybe i never will be.
60786	JAKE: I feel at ease talking to you but all these others... i dont know.
60787	JAKE: It feels really awkward and i think i lost most of my prior bravado due to a lot of bad things that happened with my friends.
60788	TAVROSPRITE: wHAT HAPPENED WITH THEM?
60789	JAKE: I just messed up with everyone in a lot of ways im too embarrassed to even talk about.
60790	JAKE: And now i just feel gunshy about... everything i guess.
60791	JAKE: Even polite conversation with fun new people i should be thrilled to meet!
60792	JAKE: I couldnt even set things right with my buddies now if i WANTED to.
60793	JAKE: Jane is asleep so i cant make amends with her after she became an angry robot and punched me in the gut and jailed me and threatened me with eternal marriage and baby making duties.
60794	JAKE: I mean sure she was brainwashed when she did all that but im SURE i did some stuff to deserve it!
60795	JAKE: Dirk is still way off somewhere so i cant address THAT whole spicy meatball which i still feel terrible about.
60796	JAKE: And roxy...
60797	JAKE: Well okay roxy is right there but look at her shes having a blast with all these people she actually really LIKES and who are probably ACTUALLY LIKABLE.
60798	JAKE: She probably wants nothing to do with me either so i might as well do her the courtesy of leaving her alone.
60799	TAVROSPRITE: bUT,
60800	TAVROSPRITE: iSN'T SHE,
60801	TAVROSPRITE: wAVING AT YOU, aND SAYING HELLO, rIGHT NOW,
60802	TAVROSPRITE: dUE, aLMOST CERTAINLY, tO OVERHEARING YOU TALKING ABOUT HER NAME?
60803	ROXY: hi jake!!
60804	JAKE: Oh.
60805	JAKE: Yeah.....
60806	JAKE: It would seem she is.
60807	JAKE: Those are probably pity waves though.
60808	TAVROSPRITE: iIII,
60809	TAVROSPRITE: dON'T THINK THAT IS TRUE,
60810	TAVROSPRITE: i HAVE BEEN THE GETTER ALMOST EXCLUSIVELY, oF THE PITY VERSIONS OF VARIOUS DEEDS DIRECTED AT ME, aND,
60811	TAVROSPRITE: i THINK THAT'S NOT WHAT SHE'S DOING, tHOSE ARE NORMAL WAVES AND HELLOS,
60812	TAVROSPRITE: yOU SHOULD PROBABLY DO ONE OF THOSE THINGS BACK TO HER,
60813	ROXY: HIIIII JAKE
60814	ROXY: JAKE
60815	ROXY: JAKE DAMMIT HI
60816	JAKE: Oh.
60817	JAKE: Um sorry.
60818	JAKE: H... hi roxy.
60819	JAKE: Youre with us again and... and... i like that.
60820	ROXY: :D
60821	TAVROSPRITE: nICE, bRO!
60822	TAVROSPRITE: kEEP WORKING AT BEHAVIORS OF THAT SORT, yOUR SELF ESTEEM WILL GET BIGGER,
60823	JAKE: "I like that???"
60824	JAKE: Thunderations what a fucking clod i am.
60825	JAKE: I really need to keep a lower profile.
60826	JAKE: Even basic pleasantries are a bit above my huckleberry for now.
60827	TAVROSPRITE: i GET IT, sELF ESTEEM IS PROBABLY THE HARDEST EMOTION TO MASTER,
60828	TAVROSPRITE: iT HELPS TO HAVE HELP,
60829	JAKE: And i appreciate it mr tavrosprite really i do.
60830	TAVROSPRITE: nO, i MEAN NOT FROM ME,
60831	TAVROSPRITE: dO YOU HAVE A FANTASY PHANTOM REPRESENTING YOUR SELF ESTEEM WHO YOU CAN LOOK UP TO?
60832	JAKE: A phantom??
60833	TAVROSPRITE: bECAUSE i DID ONCE, aND IT HELPED ME,
60834	TAVROSPRITE: tHEN HE BECAME REAL, aND *REALLY* HELPED ME, bUT NOT BECAUSE OF BELIEVING OR ANYTHING,
60835	TAVROSPRITE: jUST BECAUSE OF COINCIDENCE, hE HAPPENED TO BE MY ANCESTOR,
60836	JAKE: Well...
60837	JAKE: Yes i suppose i have SOMETHING like that.
60838	JAKE: A brain ghost of my friend dirk who visits me sometimes.
60839	JAKE: I GUESS he represents my self esteem but...
60840	JAKE: I dunno how helpful he actually is!
60841	TAVROSPRITE: wHY,
60842	JAKE: Because of all the consternation that my relationship with REAL dirk has caused me!
60843	JAKE: He says all the right things to make me feel better about myself but when he visits my brain i never ACTUALLY feel that comfortable or good about myself.
60844	JAKE: I just feel kind of weird and truthfully spend most of the time hoping he just goes away and he probably KNOWS that too because hes my brain and that makes me feel WEIRDER!
60845	TAVROSPRITE: i SEE,
60846	TAVROSPRITE: yOUR BRAIN IS COMPLICATED THEN,
60847	TAVROSPRITE: i'M GUESSING IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE SOME SORT OF GENIUS,
60848	JAKE: Really?????
60849	TAVROSPRITE: yES, aBSOLUTELY,
60850	TAVROSPRITE: i HAVE A SENSE FOR THESE THINGS,
60851	JAKE: Gosh.
60852	TAVROSPRITE: mAYBE, iNSTEAD OF LISTENING TO THE UPSETTING WORDS OF A COMPLICATED BRAIN GHOST,
60853	TAVROSPRITE: wHAT A BRILLIANT MIND LIKE YOU NEEDS, iS SOMETHING SIMPLER,
60854	TAVROSPRITE: lIKE LISTENING TO THE NICE AND FLATTERING WORDS, oF A REAL FRIEND, }:)
60855	JAKE: Maybe youre right!
60856	TAVROSPRITE: nOT RELATED TO THAT, hAVE i MENTIONED,
60857	TAVROSPRITE: yOU'RE ACTUALLY QUITE HANDSOME FOR A HUMAN,
60858	JAKE: Wow you think??
60859	TAVROSPRITE: aLSO YOU HAVE A DASHING PERSONALITY, aND YOU SEEM PRETTY STRONG, aND YOUR VERY SMALL PAIR OF CREAMY LOOKING PANTS IS REALLY COOL,
60860	JAKE: Holy cow.
60861	JAKE: Youre right tavrosprite.
60862	JAKE: These nice observations about me...
60863	JAKE: Why they really do seem to be making me feel at LEAST infinitesimally better about myself.
60864	JAKE: What a chum!
60865	TAVROSPRITE: tHIS IS ONLY THE BEGINNING, OF THE FEELGOOD FEELINGS YOU CAN FORCE INSIDE YOU,
60866	TAVROSPRITE: tHROUGH THE REPETITIVE MENTIONINGS OF SUCH THINGS ABOUT YOU,
60867	TAVROSPRITE: bUT ALSO THROUGH DEVELOPING YOURSELF AS A BRAVE ALIVE HERO,
60868	TAVROSPRITE: iT'S TOO LATE FOR ME TO DO THAT, sINCE I LIVED A WEAK LIFE, dIED, aND WAS LUCKY ENOUGH TO HAVE A FRIEND WITH A GOOD ENOUGH HEART TO BRING ME BACK,
60869	TAVROSPRITE: bUT ONLY AS A SPRITUAL GUIDE, sUCH AS THE ONE FLOATING BEFORE YOU,
60870	TAVROSPRITE: sO i CAN'T BE THAT HEROICALLY GREAT ANYMORE, bY TRAGIC DEFINITION, bUT YOU CAN,
60871	TAVROSPRITE: yOU'RE LIVING, sTRONG, nICE, aND OF EVEN HIGHER IMPORTANCE, iMMORTAL,
60872	TAVROSPRITE: sO THAT GIVES YOU, bY MY ESTIMATION, lITERALLY FOREVER,
60873	TAVROSPRITE: tO GET BETTER, aND BETTER, aND BETTER, aND FINALLY PROVE YOURSELF,
60874	TAVROSPRITE: tHAT WAY YOU CAN WIN YOUR FRIENDS OVER, aND EVERYONE WILL LIKE YOU AGAIN,
60875	JAKE: Boy shitting howdy! :O
60876	JAKE: Just imagine... from hobbledehoy to hero.
60877	JAKE: Wouldnt THAT spiffy predicament just razz my berries.
60878	VRISKA: Tavros, would you leave that poor kid alone?
60879	VRISKA: What sort of nonsense are you telling him?
60880	TAVROSPRITE: nOTHING,
60881	VRISKA: Oh, 8ullshit.
60882	VRISKA: You're filling his head with lies, aren't you?
60883	TAVROSPRITE: nO,
60884	TAVROSPRITE: iT'S JUST A BASIC CONVERSATION, NOT ABOUT ANY TOPICS, yOU'RE PROBABLY GOING TO SAY, yOU DISAPPROVE OF,
60885	VRISKA: Hey kid, what's he telling you?
60886	VRISKA: What's your name again? Jape?
60887	JAKE: Ja...
60888	JAKE: I
60889	JAKE: J...
60890	JAKE: Yes. Sure.
60891	TAVROSPRITE: nO, iT'S NOT jAPE, wRONG,
60892	VRISKA: Who even cares? Your overly simplistic human names all sound so alike to me.
60893	VRISKA: Anyway, listen Jape.
60894	VRISKA: Whatever load of shit he's selling you in a misguided effort to cheer you up, don't listen to him.
60895	VRISKA: It's all a 8unch of sappy delusional gar8age.
60896	VRISKA: I'm not going to let you down easy, and some day you'll realize this is the 8iggest favor anyone's ever done for you.
60897	VRISKA: You are never going to do anything important, and you'll never amount to anything. Period!
60898	VRISKA: Neither is Tavros.
60899	TAVROSPRITE: wAIT, nO, nOW HOLD, ON,
60900	VRISKA: No, YOU hold on, Tavros.
60901	VRISKA: You had more than enough chances to prove you could 8e a relevant contri8utor to our adventure, 8ut you 8lew it every step of the way.
60902	VRISKA: It's time to face the facts. You're never going to have that "8ig moment" that vindic8tes your arc of personal development. It's just not going to happen!
60903	TAVROSPRITE: nO, i KNOW THAT, i JUST ADMITTED THAT,
60904	TAVROSPRITE: yOU WEREN'T LISTENING TO OUR,,,
60905	VRISKA: It's not going to happen for Jape here, either. So stop filling his head with nonsense.
60906	VRISKA: I can just smell it off him. He's just like you, really.
60907	VRISKA: A loser is a loser.
60908	JAKE: *Sniffle.*
60909	VRISKA: Here's the 8ottom line.
60910	VRISKA: Pages just suck!
60911	VRISKA: All of them do. They just can't ever seem to get it together.
60912	VRISKA: I think it just happens to 8e the class players get stuck with if they're naturally that sort of person.
60913	VRISKA: It doesn't mean they don't have value as people, 8ut they'll never have anything significant to contri8ute, so they really should just stay out of the way.
60914	VRISKA: There's a certain quiet dignity in understanding your utterly cripplng limit8tions as an individual. Ideally, a VERY quiet dignity, so the important people can still hear themselves think!
60915	TAVROSPRITE: oK BUT, wHAT ABOUT ALL THAT, bIG PAGE POTENTIAL,
60916	VRISKA: That's also a lot of misleading horseshit, and really kind of a cruel stipul8tion of the class, to 8e honest.
60917	VRISKA: It makes losers think there's actually some light at the end of a long tunnel, so it keeps them dreaming instead of facing the facts!
60918	VRISKA: Sure, they could reach all that potential if they worked really hard for a long time, 8ut don't you get it?
60919	VRISKA: The very n8ture of who they are PROHI8ITS that! They don't have what it takes to stick it out to the end, 8ecause they're too weak mentally.
60920	VRISKA: So it's just the game playing a nasty joke on them. Like dangling a carrot at the end of a ridiculously long stick.
60921	VRISKA: Only an asshole would knowlingly play along with such a vicious hoax.
60922	TAVROSPRITE: aRGH, nO, aNY FORM OF FRIENDSHIP ENCOURAGEMENT, nO MATTER WHAT, iS UNIVERSALLY GREAT i THINK,
60923	TAVROSPRITE: wE ALL LEARN THIS AS FACT, fROM LOTS OF THINGS WE SEE AND ENJOY, iN STORIES AND STUFF,
60924	VRISKA: Oh my fucking god.
60925	JAKE: No... tavrosprite shes... shes right.
60926	JAKE: Shes right.
60927	JAKE: *Sniff.*
60928	TAVROSPRITE: vRISKA, lOOK AT WHAT YOU DID,
60929	TAVROSPRITE: yOU MADE MY FRIEND JAPE SAD,
60930	TAVROSPRITE: dON'T LISTEN TO HER, aND COME HERE BUDDY, fOR A REASSURING EMBRACE,
60931	VRISKA: TAVROS DON'T YOU FUCKING TOUCH HIM!!!!!!!!
60932	VRISKA: Remem8er, you've only 8een prototyped once!
60933	VRISKA: Do you REALLY want to fuse into an eternal monstrosity with that weenie?
60934	VRISKA: God, what a weenie singularity that would 8e. May8e I should stand 8ack and let it happen!
60935	VRISKA: For science. Also, it would serve you right.
60936	TAVROSPRITE: oHHHHHHHH,
60937	TAVROSPRITE: yEAHHHHHHHH?
60938	TAVROSPRITE: wELL GET A LOAD, oF THIS!
60939	TAVROSPRITE: aCTUALLY,
60940	TAVROSPRITE: nO, yOU'RE,
60941	TAVROSPRITE: rIGHT OF COURSE, i WON'T HUG HIM, bECAUSE,
60942	TAVROSPRITE: tHAT SOUNDS REALLY, rEALLY BAD,
60943	TAVROSPRITE: sORRY JAPE,
60944	JAKE: :(
60945	TEREZI: VR1SK4, SHOULDN'T W3 G3T B4CK TO OUR STR4T3GY M33T1NG SOON?
60946	VRISKA: Yeah, pretty soon.
60947	TEREZI: 1T'S L1K3 W3 US3D TO S4Y 1N TH3 OLD D4YS
60948	TEREZI: T1M3 1S D34D K1DS
60949	VRISKA: 8elieve me, I haven't forgotten!
60950	VRISKA: That's as true now as it ever was. Only difference is now we're working together to PREVENT the 8odies from piling up.
60951	TEREZI: >:]
60952	VRISKA: We still have a little time 8efore we need to get serious, and anyway, when you're managing a team, you need to 8alance things.
60953	VRISKA: Gotta keep morale up, you know?
60954	VRISKA: The troops have 8een itching for a feel-good moment like this for a long time.
60955	VRISKA: As a competent leader-slash-power-gamer extraordinaire, it's incum8ent on me to recognize that and cut them a 8it of slack.
60956	VRISKA: Give them a little space to remem8er what they're all fighting for, you know?
60957	TEREZI: Y34H, GR34T PO1NT
60958	VRISKA: We could do the same, you know.
60959	VRISKA: Over the last few years, we've had so many gr8 times and 8uried all the old hatchets deep enough that I think it's easy to take our relationship for granted.
60960	VRISKA: Doesn't hurt to remind ourselves how lucky we 8oth are. And how close we came to going in completely different directions.
60961	VRISKA: Anyway, I'm glad this is the path we chose. I couldn't ask for a 8etter moirail. ::::)
60962	TEREZI: M3 N31TH3R
60963	TEREZI: 1 DON'T KNOW HOW 1 WOULD H4V3 L1V3D W1TH MYS3LF 1F 1 H4D... GON3 THROUGH W1TH 1T
60964	TEREZI: 4ND W3'D B3 D34D 1F 1 H4DN'T...
60965	TEREZI: TH4NK GOD FOR 3GB3RT
60966	TEREZI: N3V3R N3V3R N3V3R T3LL H1M 1 S41D TH1S BUT
60967	TEREZI: FOR 4 DORK, H3'S...
60968	VRISKA: Hmm?
60969	TEREZI: H3
60970	TEREZI: L3T'S JUST S4Y YOU D1D 4 GR34T JOB TR41N1NG H1M, ONC3 UPON 4 T1M3
60971	VRISKA: Hey, so did you!
60972	VRISKA: Some version of yourself was 8adass enough to write down all those instructions in her own 8lood just 8efore she died.
60973	VRISKA: Sounds like a real hero to me!
60974	TEREZI: H3H3
60975	VRISKA: Sometimes I wonder what things would 8e like if we never had our falling out.
60976	VRISKA: It was a lot like this, 8ack in the old days, remem8er?
60977	VRISKA: Just hanging out, working together, not much drama except I guess for the occasional ethical de88 on how our foes should 8e dealt with.
60978	VRISKA: What if it never spiraled out of control? If I never 8linded you, if you never 8lew off my arm...
60979	VRISKA: What if you decided to send John 8ack to change all that instead?
60980	TEREZI: 1 D1DN'T WR1T3 TH3 1NSTRUCT1ONS MYS3LF, BUT
60981	TEREZI: 1'M SUR3 1 N3V3R CONS1D3R3D 1T
60982	TEREZI: 3V3RYTH1NG W3 W3NT THROUGH B4CK TH3N M4D3 US STRONG3R
60983	TEREZI: 1T W4S SOM3TH1NG TO WORK TO PUT B3H1ND US, NOT 3R4S3
60984	TEREZI: SOM3TH1NG TH4T W4S WORTH TH3 3FFORT >:]
60985	VRISKA: Yeah!
60986	VRISKA: <>
60987	KARKAT: *SHOUT BLITHER BLAH BLAH WORDS*
60988	KARKAT: *BLAH BLAH TACTLESS NINCOMPOOPS SHOUT RAMBLE SCREED*
60989	KARKAT: *BLAH BLISTER BEMOAN BLAH BLAH GOSSIP-HUNGRY LOBOTOMY HOBBITS*
60990	KARKAT: *SHOUT YELL SCREECH HOLLER BRAINLESS GUSHING YAMMERTWATS*
60991	VRISKA: Oh god.
60992	VRISKA: What is he going on a8out now?
60993	TEREZI: SOUNDS L1K3 H3'S Y3LL1NG 4T D4V3 4ND JOHN 4BOUT SOM3TH1NG
60994	VRISKA: So, John's 8een here for all of five minutes, and he already tripped Karkat's tirade siren?
60995	TEREZI: H3'S NOT 4CTU4LLY 4NGRY
60996	TEREZI: H3'S 3MB4RR4SS3D 4BOUT SOM3TH1NG
60997	TEREZI: MY 34R 1S F1N3LY TUN3D TO TH3 4LL V4NTRUM NU4NC3S
60998	VRISKA: Em8arrassed? A8out what?
60999	VRISKA: Think he might ACTUALLY 8e 8ent out of shape over the fact that he's not leader anymore?
61000	TEREZI: NO W4Y
61001	TEREZI: 1T'S SOM3TH1NG V3RY P3RSON4L
61002	VRISKA: I wonder if John's 8een asking what the deal is with him and Dave?
61003	VRISKA: John was pretty nosy, if I recall.
61004	TEREZI: 1 TH1NK 1T'S MOR3 L1K3LY D4V3 1S JUST R4MBL1NG S4NS F1LT3R 4G41N
61005	VRISKA: Yeah, he does do that a lot, doesn't he.
61006	VRISKA: Hey, as long as we're swearing each other to secrecy on stuff, make A8SOLUTELY sure they never know I said this, 8ut...
61007	VRISKA: He and Karkat...
61008	VRISKA: Are KIND of adora8le??
61009	VRISKA: In whatever quadrant that whole situation settled in.
61010	VRISKA: I don't know, it's none of my 8usiness really. I just never would have guessed!
61011	TEREZI: 4GR33D
61012	TEREZI: 1 GU3SS W3 STUCK TO OURS3LV3S MOSTLY
61013	TEREZI: 4ND ROS3 4ND K4N4Y4 W3R3 4LL... YOU KNOW
61014	TEREZI: SO TH4T L3FT TH3M 4ND TH31R CUT3 M4YOR S1D3K1CK TO...
61015	TEREZI: SORT TH1NGS OUT 4MONGST 34CH OTH3R? W1THOUT 1NT3RF3R3NC3 FROM 4 BUNCH OF CR4ZY FUCK3D UP G1RLS
61016	TEREZI: 1'M H4PPY FOR TH3M
61017	TEREZI: 4ND... FOR M3 TOO
61018	TEREZI: 1F YOU H4DN'T B33N 4ROUND, 1 H4V3 4 F33L1NG 1 WOULD H4V3 GOTT3N SUCK3D 1NTO SOM3 W31RD BULLSH1T W1TH BOTH OF TH3M
61019	VRISKA: Sounds rough.
61020	VRISKA: Guess that's one more 8ullet dodged, thanks to yours truly!
61021	TEREZI: GU3SS SO!
61022	TEREZI: (G33K)
61023	TEREZI: GONN4 M1SS YOU
61024	TEREZI: SUR3 YOU H4V3 TO G3T GO1NG SO SOON?
61025	VRISKA: Yeah, I really can't waste much more time.
61026	VRISKA: Just have to get all these goof8alls squared away, then I'm off.
61027	TEREZI: OH...
61028	VRISKA: Is something wrong?
61029	TEREZI: NO
61030	TEREZI: W3LL, NOT R34LLY
61031	TEREZI: NOTH1NG 1MPORT4NT
61032	VRISKA: What is it?
61033	TEREZI: 1T'S DUMB
61034	TEREZI: YOU'LL PROB4BLY L4UGH 4T M3
61035	VRISKA: No I won't!
61036	VRISKA: Come on, tell me. What good is having a moirail you don't feel like you can talk to?
61037	TEREZI: 1 DUNNO
61038	TEREZI: 1'M NOT SUR3 1 C4N 3V3N PUT MY F1NG3R ON WH4T'S BUGG1NG M3
61039	TEREZI: 1 F33L L1K3 1 SHOULD B3 PSYCH3D FOR TH3 B4TTL3 4H34D
61040	TEREZI: L1K3, PUMP3D UP TO K1LL SOM3 B4D GUYS, 4ND F1N4LLY 3ND TH1S
61041	TEREZI: BUT 1 JUST F33L 4 L1TTL3... W31RD?
61042	TEREZI: 3SP3C14LLY KNOW1NG TH4T YOU WON'T B3 H3R3
61043	VRISKA: What does me not 8eing here have to do with anything?
61044	TEREZI: WH4T 1F
61045	TEREZI: WH3N 1T'S T1M3 TO F1GHT, 4ND P3OPL3 R34LLY N33D M3
61046	TEREZI: TO US3 MY "POW3RS" OR WH4T3V3R 1T 1S 1'M SUPPOS3D TO B3 4BL3 TO DO
61047	TEREZI: WH4T 1F 1T TURNS OUT 1'M NOT 4CTU4LLY TH4T...
61048	TEREZI: GOOD?
61049	VRISKA: 8ut you already proved that you are!
61050	VRISKA: Another version of you 8asically saved us all, remem8er?
61051	TEREZI: 1 KNOW, BUT
61052	TEREZI: TH4T W4S 4 D1FF3R3NT M3
61053	TEREZI: WHO W3NT THROUGH SOM3 TH1NGS 1 N3V3R W3NT THROUGH, 4ND PROB4BLY F1GUR3D OUT HOW TO B3 4W3SOM3 4ND H3RO1C 4LONG TH3 W4Y
61054	TEREZI: 1 N3V3R D1D 4NY OF TH4T, 4ND 1 C3RT41NLY DON'T F33L 4W3SOM3 4ND H3RO1C Y3T
61055	TEREZI: 4ND
61056	TEREZI: TH1S PROB4BLY SOUNDS R34LLY DUMB BUT
61057	TEREZI: 1T K1ND OF M4K3S M3 F33L GU1LTY
61058	VRISKA: Guilty? Why?
61059	TEREZI: B3C4US3 SH3 PR3TTY MUCH S4CR1F1C3D H3RS3LF
61060	TEREZI: TO M4K3 TH1NGS B3TT3R
61061	TEREZI: SP3C1F1C4LLY, B3TT3R FOR *M3* 1 TH1NK
61062	TEREZI: TO L3T M3 L34D 4 B3TT3R L1F3, PR3SUM4BLY
61063	TEREZI: TO F1X MY PROBL3MS 1 GU3SS?
61064	TEREZI: BUT
61065	TEREZI: 1 DON'T F33L F1X3D
61066	TEREZI: 1 4CTU4LLY K1ND4 F33L 4 W31RD S3NS3 OF PR3SSUR3
61067	TEREZI: TO B3 TH3 B3ST V3RS1ON OF MYS3LF, L1K3...
61068	TEREZI: TH3 MOST PRODUCT1V3 4ND H3RO1C 4ND W3LL 4DJUST3D T3R3Z1 1N P4R4DOX SP4C3?
61069	TEREZI: BUT 1'M D3F1N1T3LY NOT TH4T T3R3Z1
61070	VRISKA: Ok, you are 8eing WAY too hard on yourself here.
61071	VRISKA: I really dou8t that's what the other version of you intended!
61072	VRISKA: That's not even how shit works. People don't just get "fixed".
61073	VRISKA: Even if circumstances change so you have a smoother ride, you are always going to have flaws.
61074	VRISKA: I guess you should always try to 8e the 8est version of yourself, 8ut I think it's also important to 8e ok with the fact that you aren't perfect.
61075	VRISKA: I've got flaws too! I mean, o8viously.
61076	VRISKA: 8ut I'm mostly ok with them.
61077	TEREZI: WOW. YOU DON'T S4Y???
61078	VRISKA: Hey, shut up! ::::p
61079	VRISKA: I'm just trying to offer a little perspective here!
61080	TEREZI: Y34H, 1 KNOW
61081	TEREZI: YOU'R3 R1GHT...
61082	TEREZI: 1'LL TRY TO FORG3T 4BOUT TH1S STUFF, 4ND JUST FOCUS ON H3LP1NG OUT TH3 T34M
61083	TEREZI: 1T'LL B3 H4RD DO1NG 1T W1THOUT YOU, BUT 1 GU3SS 1'V3 M4N4G3D TO DO 1T B3FOR3
61084	TEREZI: 3V3N 1F 1 DON'T R3M3MB3R
61085	VRISKA: Yeah!
61086	VRISKA: You'll 8e fine. I know you can do it.
61087	TEREZI: WH3N W1LL 1 S33 YOU 4G41N?
61088	VRISKA: Some day.
61089	VRISKA: I'll do my 8est to shorten the w8 for you as much as I can. Using time travel or whatever other nonsense I may have at my disposal.
61090	VRISKA: When all is said and done, I'll drop 8y Earth and look you up.
61091	TEREZI: 1 C4N'T W41T >:]
61092	TAVROSPRITE: *bLITHER BABBLE, rAMBLE SELF ESTEEM, pRATTLE,*
61093	TAVROSPRITE: *rAMBLE MUMBLE, bRAVE ALIVE HERO,*
61094	TAVROSPRITE: *mUTTER BLITHER, fINALLY PROVE YOURSELF, bABBLE BABBLE,*
61095	VRISKA: Tavros, would you leave that poor kid alone?
61096	VRISKA: What sort of nonsense are you telling him?
61097	ROSE: Dave, we were sort of in the middle of something here.
61098	DAVE: in the middle of what
61099	ROSE: A series of heartfelt conversations of a personal nature.
61100	DAVE: oh
61101	DAVE: i guess im in the middle of those now too
61102	DAVE: im feeling heartfelt as fuck somebody bone me up on the shit
61103	ROSE: One cannot simply be boned up on shit such as this. You had to be there.
61104	DAVE: come on
61105	ROSE: Wizards, Problems, Feelings. It was your standard tale of two estranged mutual mothers.
61106	ROSE: Any questions?
61107	DAVE: yes lots
61108	ROSE: Ok.
61109	ROSE: Can you maybe sit over there for a while and write them all down?
61110	DAVE: um
61111	KANAYA: Rose This Accumulation Of People Is Coming Dangerously Close To What Your Culture Might Process As A Human Familial Unit
61112	KANAYA: This Is A Foreign Idea To Me And Probably A Private Matter To You So I Think I Will Leave You All Alone And Go Talk To Some Trolls
61113	KANAYA: Personally I Think You Should Welcome Dave Into The Fold Of Your Poignant Wizard Reverie
61114	KANAYA: From My Cultural Point Of View At Least He Has As Much Claim To A Sense Of Ancestral Connection To Your Mother As You
61115	KANAYA: See You Everybody
61116	DAVE: yeah man kanaya to the rescue with smart shit to say as usual
61117	ROSE: Utterly destroyed again, by her superior sense of reason and decorum.
61118	ROSE: Though I do wonder if her perspective would be different if she'd ever had to manage relations with a "twin brother".
61119	DAVE: ok but who cares about that
61120	DAVE: so rose
61121	DAVE: its our mom
61122	DAVE: hey mom
61123	ROXY: hi!!!
61124	DAVE: well not mom
61125	DAVE: your actual name instead of that i guess
61126	DAVE: roxy i think
61127	ROXY: u think right
61128	ROXY: moms ok too tho
61129	DAVE: i dunno that might be weird
61130	DAVE: calling you that all the time
61131	DAVE: rose would that be weird
61132	ROSE: It would probably get a little weird.
61133	DAVE: so mom
61134	DAVE: im just going to jump right into the fuckin frying pan here
61135	DAVE: like tape off a no bullshit zone for a while
61136	DAVE: if thats ok
61137	ROXY: a frying pan in the no bullshit zone??
61138	ROXY: sounds intense
61139	ROXY: who is manning this pan and who gave him clearance for the no bs zone
61140	DAVE: captain Serious is at the pan and he got the go-ahead from lieutenant Doesnt Fuckaround of the Heartattack Armada
61141	ROXY: isnt lieutenant a lower rank than captain
61142	ROXY: who put this dude in charge of such an important pan
61143	DAVE: um i dont know maybe it is?
61144	DAVE: ok like its cool that you even know that fact but this is exactly the kind of fuckery the no bs zone doesnt cotton to no matter what sorta cookware is involved or which pseudomilitary organization regulates its borders
61145	DAVE: i just have some questions about you and about stuff in general so rather than mumble through a conversation that sounds mostly like the stuff we literally just got done sayin, sweet though that would be, im gonna machine gun some shit at you lighting round style
61146	ROXY: a machine gun lightning round in a frying pan!!!!!
61147	ROXY: god.........DAMN
61148	DAVE: i know right?
61149	DAVE: so
61150	DAVE: you are my biological mother
61151	ROXY: yes
61152	DAVE: and roses
61153	ROXY: yes
61154	DAVE: and therefore bear at least partial and like biologically incidental responsibility for why we are both so fucked up
61155	ROXY: yes
61156	DAVE: but you yourself are a paradox clone
61157	ROXY: um... i guess?
61158	DAVE: which means
61159	DAVE: you didnt even have bio parents
61160	DAVE: you originated from yourself
61161	ROXY: guess so!
61162	DAVE: so you really dont have anyone to blame for who you are except weirdly and paradoxically yourself
61163	ROXY: um.. y.. yes?
61164	ROSE: Dave.
61165	DAVE: wait ok
61166	DAVE: sorry if that sounded rude i didnt mean it rudely
61167	DAVE: i mean
61168	DAVE: you did have a "parental figure" who you i guess modeled yourself after in a way
61169	DAVE: or were influenced by i mean
61170	DAVE: an old version of rose from a long time ago
61171	ROXY: yes!
61172	DAVE: and my bro was the same way
61173	DAVE: or
61174	DAVE: your friend i mean
61175	ROXY: dirk!
61176	DAVE: he was a paradox clone of himself
61177	DAVE: and he like
61178	DAVE: did kind of the same thing
61179	DAVE: modeled himself after...
61180	ROXY: ...
61181	DAVE: why dont we not talk about dirk
61182	DAVE: can we change the subject
61183	ROXY: you brought him up!!
61184	DAVE: i know
61185	DAVE: i know
61186	DAVE: look
61187	DAVE: i bring up a lot of things
61188	DAVE: and then have to back track a lot of those things i bring up
61189	DAVE: cause sometimes the things i bring up are ill advised to say or make people uncomfortable or make me uncomfortable
61190	DAVE: its just a thing about me
61191	ROXY: ooh!
61192	ROXY: just had a thought
61193	ROXY: do i get to do a lightning round at you next??
61194	DAVE: i guess so yeah
61195	DAVE: depends on if you want to keep sitting in this goddamn pan
61196	ROXY: hmm i dunno
61197	ROXY: maybe our asses are gettin too hot
61198	DAVE: maybe you should speak for yourself
61199	ROSE: DAVE!
61200	DAVE: SHIT
61201	ROXY: lol
61202	DAVE: no mom look
61203	DAVE: roxy i mean
61204	DAVE: its like i was just saying
61205	DAVE: i just say things it is just like this force of nature no one can control or even try to, least of all me
61206	DAVE: we just have to cross our fingers and hope for the best
61207	DAVE: and that my one man verbal slapstick routine isnt too freudian in nature or at least not that often
61208	DAVE: anyway lets pretend i didnt just insinuate you have a hot ass and move on
61209	ROXY: ;)
61210	DAVE: i heard something about wizards
61211	DAVE: you hells into wizards like rose?
61212	ROXY: YES
61213	DAVE: ok well that is a predictable if somewhat bland fact
61214	DAVE: lets see if we can dig a lil deeper
61215	DAVE: dont get me wrong wizards are ok i guess
61216	ROXY: oh yeah? well maybe YOURE ok
61217	DAVE: yeah, im alright
61218	DAVE: wizards are better at magic than me
61219	DAVE: but im better than wizards at rap
61220	DAVE: so i guess it breaks even
61221	DAVE: or it would if i was a pretend jackass in silly robes and a dumb beard
61222	DAVE: so point goes to dave
61223	ROSE: (Sigh.)
61224	DAVE: do you like rap
61225	ROXY: kinda!
61226	ROXY: dirk loves rap so i...
61227	ROXY: ummm haha never mind
61228	ROXY: forgot we werent talkin about that
61229	DAVE: well what do you like to do
61230	ROXY: i like...........
61231	ROXY: cats!!!
61232	DAVE: ok that is a fair opinion but cats arent actually an activity or anything
61233	ROXY: theyyy kinda were for me though!
61234	ROXY: i uh
61235	ROXY: used to clone them
61236	ROXY: i may have um
61237	ROXY: gotten a little carried away
61238	DAVE: cat cloning huh
61239	DAVE: that sounds like a pretty dope hobby
61240	DAVE: i think were getting somewhere
61241	DAVE: so you had access to that kind of stuff becaused you lived in a scifi world
61242	ROXY: a scifi world?
61243	DAVE: yeah the future
61244	DAVE: what was the future like
61245	ROXY: watery
61246	ROXY: fulla chess people
61247	ROXY: lots o pumpkins
61248	ROXY: u kno
61249	ROXY: usual dystopian stuff
61250	DAVE: i see
61251	DAVE: and it was just the chess guys and you
61252	DAVE: like alone
61253	DAVE: no other people except for bro
61254	DAVE: who i guess was way off somewhere?
61255	ROXY: yup
61256	DAVE: sounds like kind of a bummer
61257	ROXY: yeah
61258	ROXY: i talked to my friends a lot though
61259	ROXY: via computers n shit
61260	DAVE: thats cool
61261	DAVE: me too
61262	DAVE: maybe when it comes down to it our lives werent that different
61263	DAVE: except for the extinction of humanity part
61264	DAVE: my humans were just
61265	DAVE: imminently extinct is all
61266	DAVE: i didnt have chess guys around though
61267	DAVE: theyre actually good company
61268	ROXY: yeah!!
61269	DAVE: my best best best best best friend is a chess guy
61270	DAVE: hes the mayor
61271	DAVE: ill have to introduce you to him soon
61272	DAVE: youll love the mayor everybody loves the mayor
61273	ROXY: wanna meet the mayor!
61274	DAVE: dont worry ill put in a good word for you pretty sure we can find an opening in his schedule
61275	DAVE: tell me more
61276	ROXY: more?
61277	DAVE: about you
61278	ROXY: damn dude
61279	ROXY: this frying pan...
61280	ROXY: shit be SIZZLIN
61281	DAVE: fuck yeah
61282	DAVE: aside from cat breeding how else did you pass the time
61283	ROXY: ummmmmmmm
61284	ROXY: writin
61285	ROXY: um
61286	ROXY: a FAIR amount of uh
61287	ROXY: lets say recreational liquid intake
61288	ROXY: and uhh
61289	ROXY: oh um hacking
61290	DAVE: haha seriously
61291	DAVE: like actual hacking
61292	ROXY: yeah!
61293	ROXY: well computer programming rly
61294	ROXY: hacking is just what u call it to sound cool
61295	ROXY: there wasnt even much shit around to "hack"
61296	DAVE: so kinda like john
61297	DAVE: except
61298	DAVE: i think he pretty much sucked at his codes
61299	ROXY: hahahahaha really
61300	DAVE: yeah
61301	DAVE: he seemed to find it frustrating mainly
61302	DAVE: his bitching about it is literally my only point of reference for his degree of proficiency
61303	DAVE: youre good though right
61304	DAVE: i bet youre good
61305	ROXY: tha BEST 8)
61306	DAVE: knew it
61307	ROXY: maybe i could give him some pointers on the leet haxx
61308	DAVE: fuck yes
61309	DAVE: hed be all about that
61310	DAVE: or i think he should be which is all that matters
61311	DAVE: do that and insist on it if he gets weirdly obstinate or like tries to pretend he doesnt like programming anymore
61312	ROXY: ok
61313	DAVE: what else
61314	ROXY: oh umm
61315	ROXY: idk dave i might be runnin outta shit to say!
61316	DAVE: you sure
61317	ROXY: iiii
61318	ROXY: liked to play games?
61319	DAVE: what games
61320	ROXY: uh mostly...
61321	ROXY: the nintendos
61322	DAVE: i see
61323	DAVE: which nintendos
61324	ROXY: a whole bunch of nintendos!!
61325	ROXY: like lotsa diff systems n titles
61326	ROXY: i dunno if the ones i associate strongly with would have the same meaning like culturally speaking for you
61327	ROXY: because to me they were all like cool ancient relics that kept me somewhat in touch with a world that was long gone
61328	DAVE: that makes sense
61329	DAVE: thats mostly the relationship i have now with garbage romcoms
61330	DAVE: largely because karkat likes watchin em
61331	DAVE: so these godforsaken flicks have helped keep me grounded in our dead civilization in a weird way
61332	DAVE: but re: games...
61333	DAVE: i didnt have nintendos
61334	DAVE: my bro had xbox so i played that sometimes
61335	DAVE: but he mostly had all these shitty skating games
61336	DAVE: and like 20 different tony hawk titles
61337	DAVE: i would mainly just play them to fuck around
61338	DAVE: like find spectacular ways to crash and flop around like a douchey ragdoll
61339	DAVE: or figure out ways to get halfway stuck inside concrete fixtures and obstacles
61340	DAVE: and watch all these cool fratty bros twitch and flop ad infinitum
61341	DAVE: like struggling valiantly and earnestly forever against the shitty and deeply flawed physics of their confining virtual prison
61342	DAVE: i saw them as tragic figures
61343	ROXY: that sounds incredible tbh
61344	DAVE: pretty much
61345	ROXY: do u think we can play games together some time?
61346	ROXY: wanna see ur majestic skatebros in their element
61347	DAVE: oh my dick yes
61348	ROSE: Dave.
61349	DAVE: what
61350	ROXY: ok ok !
61351	ROXY: i think its
61352	ROXY: my turn??
61353	ROXY: keep your ass in the pan buddy u gona get GRILLED
61354	DAVE: thats fair
61355	ROXY: oh um
61356	ROXY: rose please dont think im excluding you!
61357	ROXY: jump in the convo any time k?
61358	DAVE: meh shes fine
61359	ROXY: :p
61360	ROSE: I'm perfectly happy serving as a spectator and occasional officiator of this conversation.
61361	ROSE: It's quite entertaining to behold, really. I love watching how different personalities collide with each other upon meeting.
61362	ROSE: Neither of you is failing to disappoint.
61363	ROXY: lmao
61364	ROXY: god is EVERYONE in this family tree a psychoanalyst???
61365	DAVE: yo thats been like
61366	DAVE: her EXACT top preoccupation since she was a fuckin baby
61367	DAVE: didnt she tell you
61368	ROXY: haha no
61369	ROXY: but yeah makes sense
61370	ROXY: but like, youre all mr funny interrogation right now, rose is quite possibly a literal therapist in training i guess?? and uh dirk is dirk
61371	ROXY: just makes ya think is all
61372	DAVE: were all fucked up, the end
61373	DAVE: so what you wanna know mom
61374	DAVE: ..rox
61375	ROXY: here comes da lightning
61376	ROXY: u got to imagine it comin out my fingertips
61377	ROXY: wherein i am an almighty wisard
61378	DAVE: ok currently imagining that
61379	DAVE: hmm not bad
61380	DAVE: not bad at all
61381	ROXY: pCHOO
61382	ROXY: um
61383	ROXY: what
61384	ROXY: is your favorite rap guy
61385	DAVE: thats a dead tie
61386	DAVE: between me and snoop
61387	DAVE: also MAYBE obama but to be fair i dont think he raps irl that is mainly just a headcanon i have about him
61388	DAVE: but come on
61389	DAVE: you werent actually curious about that were you
61390	ROXY: im trying to think of stuff to ask jeez!
61391	ROXY: gimme a sec...
61392	ROXY: kay
61393	ROXY: howwww did
61394	ROXY: you become a god tier
61395	DAVE: rose and i went on a suicide mission piloting a moon through the furthest ring
61396	DAVE: the moon had a cosmic mega nuclear bomb in its core but also our quest beds by surprise
61397	DAVE: when it blew up it created literally the biggest fucking sun in existence which also happened to be the exact same sun we thought we were going out there to destroy
61398	DAVE: but we also died and resurrected as god tiers and i guess due to immortality rose up through the surface of the fuckin sun all glowing green and wearing pajamas and shit
61399	ROXY: HOLY CRAP
61400	ROXY: THAT IS SO RIDICULOUSLY INSANE AND COOL!
61401	ROXY: AND SO SO SO MUCH MORE AWESOME THAN WHAT HAPPENED TO US WOW!
61402	DAVE: why how did you do it
61403	ROXY: god its almost embarrassing to even describe
61404	ROXY: especially compared to that!
61405	DAVE: go on
61406	ROXY: um we all had a hangover from magic candy
61407	ROXY: and woke up on our god slabs
61408	ROXY: and like
61409	ROXY: talked for a while
61410	ROXY: have u ever seen the breakfast club
61411	DAVE: no
61412	ROXY: ok well it was like that
61413	ROXY: but probably shittier
61414	ROXY: then we all sorta randomly died on accident
61415	ROXY: due to surprise villain attacks
61416	DAVE: eh that sounds alright
61417	DAVE: who even cares about having a baller origin story
61418	DAVE: we were just some chumps on a moon being melodramatic and in the process of gettin chumped by an omniscient creep
61419	DAVE: your outfit looks cool at least
61420	ROXY: thanks!
61421	ROXY: k then... next
61422	ROXY: have u
61423	ROXY: ever kissed anybody??
61424	DAVE: what
61425	DAVE: man
61426	DAVE: these questions are taking on a different tenor than the ones i asked you
61427	ROXY: well??
61428	DAVE: um yeah ok i WAS kissed
61429	DAVE: by jade when i was dead
61430	DAVE: so i would come back to life
61431	DAVE: that was like... RIGHT before the moon mission i mentioned
61432	ROXY: o yeah
61433	ROXY: i was corpse smooched once too
61434	DAVE: by who
61435	ROXY: ...
61436	ROXY: hey its still my lightning round!
61437	ROXY: i was askin if YOU ever kissed somebody
61438	ROXY: like awake and alive and on purpose
61439	DAVE: maaan
61440	ROSE: We're waiting, Dave.
61441	DAVE: hey i thought you were just "studying" us!
61442	ROSE: I'm also officiating.
61443	ROSE: I'll have to hold you to the question, or throw a flag.
61444	ROSE: Remember the sports?
61445	ROSE: My, how quickly we forget the sports.
61446	DAVE: no come on
61447	DAVE: i just asked you about nintendo and shit!!
61448	ROXY: ok ok!
61449	ROXY: hahaha :)
61450	ROXY: do youuu
61451	ROXY: like drawin
61452	DAVE: yes
61453	ROXY: comics?
61454	DAVE: yes
61455	ROXY: funny comics??
61456	DAVE: fuck yes
61457	ROXY: about fat assed idiots and jpeg trashloss everywhere
61458	DAVE: fuck fucking yes
61459	ROXY: ok ima admit
61460	ROXY: i have you at a little disadvantage
61461	ROXY: since i know some things about your alt future grownup self
61462	DAVE: like what
61463	ROXY: dont wanna spoil it!
61464	ROXY: theres a better time for that conversation
61465	ROXY: and maybe a better person to have it with than me
61466	DAVE: ...
61467	ROXY: do you like orange soda
61468	DAVE: no
61469	ROXY: NO??
61470	DAVE: hell no
61471	ROXY: then whats your poison
61472	DAVE: aj
61473	ROXY: huh?
61474	DAVE: apple juice
61475	ROXY: thats fuckin cute
61476	DAVE: pretty much
61477	ROXY: have u ever been in love
61478	DAVE: god damn it!
61479	ROSE: This is the lightning round, Dave.
61480	ROSE: We didn't make the rules.
61481	ROSE: Anyway, I'm ready to blow my Referee's Sport Whistle™ if you don't answer before the Commercially Endorsed Game Clock expires.
61482	DAVE: i think the lightning rounds over
61483	DAVE: why dont we have a distraction to seal the deal
61484	DAVE: hey mom i think harleydad over there is talkin about you
61485	ROXY: jake?
61486	ROXY: hehe yeah i think ur right
61487	ROXY: gotta go catch up with him soon...
61488	ROXY: ill wave hello for now
61489	DAVE: i dont think hes noticing
61490	ROXY: dammit jake look over here u goof
61491	ROXY: gonna start a fire here will all this friendly wavin
61492	DAVE: nope hes completely out to lunch
61493	DAVE: just like all the harleyberts
61494	ROXY: HIIIII JAKE
61495	ROXY: JAKE
61496	ROXY: JAKE DAMMIT HI
61497	JAKE: Oh.
61498	JAKE: Um sorry.
61499	JAKE: H... hi roxy.
61500	JAKE: Youre with us again and... and... i like that.
61501	ROXY: :D
61502	DAVE: thats it?
61503	DAVE: hes right back at it with the bull guy
61504	DAVE: whats with him
61505	DAVE: he reminds me a lot of john but really quiet which is very unjohnish
61506	ROXY: jakes great!
61507	ROXY: but yeah hes not like that all the time
61508	ROXY: he is p gregarious 1 on 1 but i guess he doesnt like crowds much
61509	ROXY: he became sort of a hermit after a few months in our session
61510	ROXY: he mainly hung out with dirk until he eventually sorta shut him out too
61511	ROXY: dude just likes his lonesome time i guess?
61512	DAVE: ill try gettin to know him some time
61513	DAVE: maybe trap him like a shy woodland creature
61514	DAVE: then brutally harangue him with my typically rad shit and become airtight bros
61515	DAVE: right there in the fucking woods
61516	DAVE: exactly how nature intended
61517	ROXY: omg yes
61518	ROXY: i will help u rig your jakesnares
61519	ROXY: maybe leave some hunky dudebait, like a trail of microshorts sprinkled thru out the forest
61520	DAVE: awesome thanks mom
61521	DAVE: roxy i mean
61522	ROSE: Dave, even I'm having less trouble referring to Roxy by her name consistently, and I was the one who grew up knowing her as my literal mother.
61523	ROSE: What is going on with you?
61524	DAVE: nothing
61525	DAVE: its just like semi accidentally replacing a word with another word in a majority of instances
61526	DAVE: why do you need to read things into everything
61527	ROSE: You're right. How could anyone possibly read anything into that sort of repeated slip-up.
61528	DAVE: exactly
61529	ROSE: What if you're making her uncomfortable?
61530	ROXY: its fine really!
61531	ROXY: i think it is sorta endearing
61532	DAVE: see rose yall worrying about nothing as usual
61533	DAVE: moms fine with it
61534	DAVE: moxy
61535	ROXY: snort
61536	DAVE: i mean
61537	DAVE: romy
61538	DAVE: mommy
61539	DAVE: wait fuck
61540	DAVE: ok that one was fucked up
61541	DAVE: lets make sure i never ever fucking say that again
61542	ROXY: im dyin here
61543	ROXY: dave...stoppit
61544	ROXY: im a sphyxiate
61545	DAVE: i cant
61546	DAVE: its like i was saying before
61547	DAVE: this is a force of nature we all gotta just deal with
61548	DAVE: striders blurtscapades
61549	DAVE: daves flying boner circus
61550	DAVE: this shit is immutable
61551	DAVE: i had to face this fact a long time ago
61552	DAVE: i could either try to change that part of myself which is an unwinnable war
61553	DAVE: or i could try focusing on being like a vaguely half decent person so at least the shit i inevitably blurt out from deep down isnt all that bad
61554	DAVE: because the bad stuff has been and is still being purged through an arduous long term process of complete and utter humiliation
61555	ROXY: man
61556	ROXY: arduous long term processes of complete and utter humiliation are basically my aesthetic
61557	ROXY: anyways you are a silly dude and its ok if u keep callin me mom on "accident" :)
61558	ROSE: I hope it is similarly ok with you if I make the conscious decision to refrain from calling you that ever.
61559	ROSE: Unlike Dave, I've taken great pride in the meticulous maintenance of my internal filter.
61560	ROSE: I don't think I have the same luxury he does.
61561	ROSE: Humiliation just makes my demons angrier.
61562	ROXY: yeah rose call me whatev!
61563	ROXY: but um lmao you got a way of makin that sound legit scary
61564	DAVE: its fucked up that shes joking but also not even really
61565	DAVE: youll figure out how to crack her deadpan riddles theres an art to it
61566	ROXY: you guys...
61567	ROXY: an ur friggin psycho babble!
61568	ROXY: its a riot
61569	ROXY: suddenly feelin like maybe im the weak link in this family tree on the analytical front
61570	ROXY: need to step up my game
61571	ROSE: To be fair, Dave's game is pretty flimsy.
61572	ROSE: He's been jacking my swagger for years. He only pulls it off because he's funny.
61573	ROSE: And to be even fairer, I'm not actually much of a psychoanalyst.
61574	ROSE: I know just enough to know that I barely know anything, and probably would have benefited from, I don't know, "college", or something.
61575	ROXY: ok whew i feel a bit less lame then
61576	ROXY: i remember dirks insane scrutinization of all things cerebral had a similar way of dwarfing ones ego
61577	ROXY: maybe that was smoke in mirrors too idk
61578	ROXY: maybe since he and i are ur parents, in terms of psycho skillz...
61579	ROXY: hes got ALL genes and i got NONE
61580	ROXY: so that means dave got SOME genes and rose got LOTS??
61581	ROXY: wherein SOME is more than NONE and LOTS is less than ALL
61582	ROXY: ???
61583	ROSE: That's quite a scientific way of looking at it.
61584	ROSE: Maybe it's even true?
61585	ROXY: yeah i fuken LOVE SCIENCE!!!
61586	DAVE: ok then that explains everything
61587	ROXY: what
61588	DAVE: if you got all the science genes then that means some scraped off on me
61589	DAVE: which would explain why my beats are so ill
61590	DAVE: its cause my science is off the charts
61591	ROSE: Holy shit.
61592	ROSE: Can someone come push this nerd off the lilypad?
61593	ROXY: dat explanation tho
61594	ROXY: :')
61595	ROSE: Cringeworthy rap notwithstanding,
61596	ROSE: I do recall hearing him babble about wanting to be a scientist on more than one occasion.
61597	ROSE: If the world hadn't ended.
61598	ROSE: What was it? Archeology? Paleontology?
61599	DAVE: yeah i dunno
61600	DAVE: one of those things
61601	DAVE: whichever involved more dead shit
61602	DAVE: maybe
61603	ROXY: paleontology!!
61604	ROXY: u wanted to study that?
61605	DAVE: i sincerely mumbled about the idea once or twice sure
61606	ROXY: thats neat
61607	ROXY: what about you rose
61608	ROXY: did u actually want to be a legit psychiatrist and go to school for that and all?
61609	ROSE: I don't recall my thoughts on higher education.
61610	ROSE: My passion for the subject I think was more a contrivance of a very young girl with misplaced conviction in her abilities.
61611	ROSE: I probably thought I could just figure it all out myself and skip the academic coronation.
61612	ROSE: I don't think much about it anymore.
61613	ROSE: Possibly because there's no one left to analyze, except for the modest population of this frog disc.
61614	ROXY: what would you want to do with your life instead?
61615	ROXY: i mean assuming there were no more evildoers to worry about
61616	ROSE: I don't know.
61617	ROSE: What is there even to consider doing with godhood BUT concern oneself with evildoers?
61618	DAVE: what about your quest
61619	ROSE: Hm?
61620	DAVE: the shit with your planet and the rain and stuff
61621	DAVE: wasnt there still something to do there
61622	ROSE: I... guess so?
61623	ROXY: yeah
61624	ROXY: i did mine!
61625	ROXY: or at least a version of it specific to my situation
61626	ROXY: i get the feelin they change around and such depending on what the lay of the land is
61627	ROXY: my reality was fucked so my denizen just kinda... rerouted me
61628	ROXY: nothin too fancy
61629	DAVE: yeah exactly
61630	DAVE: i did this really stilted like mashup of what i assume my "real quest" was
61631	DAVE: like involving breaking a sword and UNbreaking a sword and a fuckin BIRD was involved and then the bird unceremoniously DIED somewhere
61632	DAVE: it was kind of a mess
61633	DAVE: like me i guess so maybe that made sense
61634	DAVE: who knows what yours would have in store for you now
61635	DAVE: i mean
61636	DAVE: if you even wanted to bother
61637	ROSE: I'm not sure if I have the inclination, and realistically, there isn't even much time for that, is there?
61638	ROSE: We're supposed to be fighting adversaries imminently.
61639	ROSE: I can't squeeze it in before the battle.
61640	ROSE: And after, we'll have supposedly "won", so what would even be the point of doing it then?
61641	DAVE: shrug
61642	ROSE: Something always rubbed me the wrong way about "My Quest".
61643	ROSE: I don't even like the phrase. It's uncomfortably formal, and a little foreboding.
61644	ROSE: I think the regimentation of it all always struck me as unpalatable.
61645	ROSE: Like consigning personal growth to the completion of a glorified, myth-heavy rat maze.
61646	DAVE: yeah i know why you feel that way
61647	DAVE: youve got big problems with authority
61648	DAVE: you always have and you probably wouldnt even put it that way cause it sounds really Teen of you and gauche or whatever
61649	DAVE: but its true
61650	ROXY: omg u guys and your shrink babble!
61651	ROXY: is so funny i swear 2 god
61652	DAVE: yeah here we go again right?
61653	DAVE: except just remember im a fraud at this stuff
61654	DAVE: except in this particular case im totally right
61655	DAVE: she sees this quest all neatly laid out for her wrapped in a bow
61656	DAVE: fuck it even looks like its made for little kids with like pink turtles and rainbows and shit
61657	DAVE: like here you go princess its babys first quest
61658	DAVE: almost like it was designed to piss her off
61659	DAVE: sburb says here, self improvement delineated and made comprehensible enjoy your cookie cutter odyssey
61660	DAVE: so because shes rose she goes no fuck my quest
61661	DAVE: literally starts wrecking shit
61662	DAVE: and maybe that itself was always her quest
61663	VRISKA: If I may interject...
61664	DAVE: oh awesome vriska was eavesdropping
61665	VRISKA: Not for very long!
61666	VRISKA: I just heard you talking a8out Rose's quest is all.
61667	VRISKA: I don't have any opinion on whether you do it or not, Rose. That's your 8usiness.
61668	VRISKA: 8ut my advice is, if you see your denizen, just make sure you kill her fast.
61669	DAVE: what
61670	VRISKA: 8elieve me, Cetus is a HUGE 8itch.
61671	VRISKA: If you give her an inch, she'll try to sucker you into a whole 8oring convers8tion, mostly involving a 8unch of curmudgeonly riddles.
61672	VRISKA: Don't give her the chance! Just go for the jugular and end it as soon as you can.
61673	VRISKA: Gra8 her loot and call it a day. That's what I think, at least.
61674	VRISKA: Assuming you 8other going to see her at all. Couldn't really 8lame you if you didn't though.
61675	ROSE: I probably won't.
61676	ROSESPRITE: Won't what?
61677	VRISKA: Oh now what the FUCK is this????????
61678	JASPERSPRITE: Meow.
61679	ROXY: FRIGGLISH!
61680	ROXY: oh my god you cheeky bastard
61681	ROXY: oooomg
61682	DAVE: um
61683	DAVE: what exactly the fuck
61684	ROSE: ...
61685	ROXY: frigglish
61686	ROXY: i cannot believe this
61687	ROXY: you dug up her body!!!!!
61688	JASPERSPRITE: :3
61689	ROXY: omg that is SO BAD!
61690	ROXY: but also sweet of you to bring her back but also WOW BAD!!!!!
61691	ROSE: Wait.
61692	ROSE: Dug... up?
61693	ROSESPRITE: I'm a little unclear on that myself.
61694	ROSESPRITE: Jaspers hasn't been especially descriptive.
61695	JASPERSPRITE: Meow!
61696	JASPERSPRITE: Yes both roses i dug you up!
61697	ROSE: From... where?
61698	ROXY: um
61699	ROXY: johns planet
61700	ROXY: remember the funeral i mentioned?
61701	ROXY: frigglish was there too
61702	ROXY: orrr um jaspers?? our dumb departed beautiful idiot cat!!
61703	ROXY: haha i guess i made a novice mistake
61704	ROXY: i turned my back on the body
61705	ROSESPRITE: You had a funeral for me?
61706	ROSESPRITE: That was nice of you.
61707	ROXY: yeah!
61708	ROXY: so um...
61709	ROXY: HI!!!!!
61710	ROXY: wow haha this is confusing!
61711	ROXY: welcome back youre alive again hey come here!
61712	VRISKA: LALONDE DON'T YOU FUCKING TOUCH HER!!!!!!!!
61713	VRISKA: Fucking incredi8le.
61714	VRISKA: Am I the ONLY one here concerned with making sure we don't cre8te freakish mutant people-com8os?!
61715	ROXY: wha
61716	VRISKA: She's only 8een single-prototyped!
61717	VRISKA: Don't go near her.
61718	ROXY: ohhh
61719	ROXY: heh right
61720	VRISKA: It is a8solutely astounding how much you all need me around to keep your shit str8.
61721	VRISKA: Even then it's a constant up hill 8attle to keep you all from fucking up!
61722	VRISKA: I let my guard down for one second and this 8rainless animal wastes one of your precious resurrection slots on someone who's ALREADY ALIVE!
61723	VRISKA: Well, congratul8tions. You're down to one empty kernel.
61724	VRISKA: 8e sure to use it wisely!
61725	VRISKA: Not that there's much hope of that at this point.
61726	VRISKA: See you chumps. I'm out of this convers8tion.
61727	DAVE: so
61728	DAVE: what does this even mean
61729	DAVE: theres two roses now like
61730	DAVE: what the fuck
61731	DAVE: what are we supposed to do with this information and unfolding set of circumstances
61732	ROSESPRITE: I don't know, Dave.
61733	ROSESPRITE: I have advanced seer powers, and the newly acquired insight of a mystical guide.
61734	ROSESPRITE: And even I'm stumped about this turn of events.
61735	DAVE: ok then
61736	DAVE: good to know im not dumb and this literally is inherently irrational
61737	DAVE: thanks ghost cat great job
61738	JASPERSPRITE: :3 :3 :3
61739	DAVE: so what now
61740	ROSESPRITE: Well,
61741	ROSESPRITE: It's nice to be back, after such a spectacular sequence of tragic events.
61742	ROSESPRITE: Even though I have no memory of having been gone for long.
61743	ROSESPRITE: But I also understand I am now the Subordinate Rose.
61744	ROSESPRITE: So with respect to my ongoing role, I will have to defer to Real Rose.
61745	ROSESPRITE: I don't want to step on anyone's toes.
61746	ROSESPRITE: Then again, I don't have feet anymore.
61747	ROXY: lol
61748	ROSESPRITE: It's also worth pointing out that my programming as a sprite informs me that I exist at the pleasure of the player who released my kernel.
61749	ROSESPRITE: So, Roxy. What do you think I should do?
61750	ROXY: um wow
61751	ROXY: i dunno!
61752	ROXY: hahah man i only JUST met um... alive rose here
61753	ROXY: and that was after JUST buryin you and saying goodbye and all which was this um
61754	ROXY: emotional thing and now ur back cus of a silly cat! and
61755	ROXY: idk im confused haha
61756	ROXY: rose what do you think
61757	ROSE:
61758	ROXY: rose
61759	ROSE:
61760	ROXY: yo rose...
61761	ROXY: hello?
61762	ROSE: THIS IS SO STUPID!!!
61763	ROSE: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
61764	ROSE: I'm sorry! I can't sit here and pretend to take this seriously!
61765	DAVE: rose
61766	DAVE: you ok
61767	ROSE: I guess so???
61768	ROSE: Yes. I'm FINE! This is just SO DUMB!
61769	ROSE: My powers let me see fortuitous outcomes, but I didn't see this coming AT ALL.
61770	ROSE: It doesn't register as fortuitous or otherwise. You know why?
61771	ROSE: Because it's COMPLETELY MEANINGLESS!
61772	ROSE: HAHAHAHAHA!
61773	DAVE: i mean
61774	DAVE: sure
61775	DAVE: i thought so too when bird dave happened
61776	DAVE: but that turned out to be like
61777	DAVE: a whole thing
61778	DAVE: and important stuff happened as a result... kinda
61779	ROSE: NO!!!!!
61780	ROSE: THIS ISN'T LIKE THAT!
61781	ROSE: Trust me, Dave. I'm not grasping at straws here.
61782	ROSE: My abilities tend not to leave such things to speculation.
61783	ROSE: This development makes absolutely NO SENSE!
61784	ROSE: Not for us as a group, and DEFINITELY not for me personally, or HER for that matter!!!
61785	ROSE: How could this possibly mean ANYTHING for my growth or personal development in ANY WAY?
61786	ROSE: This almost makes it official.
61787	ROSE: I have no comprehensible path. There's nothing to overcome, no lesson to learn, no cathartic light at the end of this preposterous tunnel.
61788	ROSE: Not for me, at least!
61789	ROSE: I seriously have the DUMBEST arc anyone could conceivably imagine.
61790	DAVE: rose we dont have fuckin "arcs" we are just human beings
61791	VRISKA: How's it going over there?
61792	KANAYA: I Told Them I Would Leave Them Alone And Go Talk To Some Trolls
61793	KANAYA: I Guess This Troll Over Here Will Have To Do
61794	VRISKA: Happy to 8e of service.
61795	VRISKA: Man, look at them. They all seem so excited.
61796	VRISKA: Like a 8unch of wigglers hopped up on high fructose gru8 sauce.
61797	VRISKA: I hope they don't crash from this reunion 8uzz too hard 8efore it's showtime.
61798	KANAYA: If They Do I Am Sure One Of Your Contingency Plans Will Swing Into Full Effect
61799	KANAYA: Maybe You Can Buy Time For Everyone To Recover By Lulling Our Adversaries Into An Extensive Strategy Session
61800	VRISKA: Hey Maryam, why don't you can it!
61801	VRISKA: Our sassy little games of one upsmanship are fun and all, 8ut I'm trying to 8e sincere here.
61802	VRISKA: You know, seeing as this is the last time I'll see you all in a while.
61803	KANAYA: Youre Right Sorry
61804	KANAYA: Bring On The Sincerity
61805	VRISKA: I was just saying, a8out the humans.
61806	VRISKA: They seem so happy.
61807	VRISKA: I mean, look at Rose!
61808	VRISKA: No offense, 8ut most of the time she's kind of a pill.
61809	KANAYA: None Taken And Me Too Probably
61810	VRISKA: Good point.
61811	VRISKA: 8ut I don't think I've ever seen her like that. 8y which I mean, making no discerni8le effort whatsoever to disguise the fact that she's happy.
61812	VRISKA: Well, ok. May8e there were a couple times.
61813	KANAYA: Is That In Reference To How You Like To Flagrantly Spy On Us Sometimes
61814	VRISKA: I don't "spy" on you!
61815	VRISKA: That is such an unfair characteriz8tion.
61816	VRISKA: Would you can it with that shit already??
61817	KANAYA: Ill Never Understand Your Ongoing And Apparently Unironic Use Of The Phrase "Can It"
61818	KANAYA: And In Particular Why You Always Seem To Direct This Expression To Me And Seemingly No One Else
61819	KANAYA: I Just Think It Is Such A Peculiar And Amusing Way To Tell Someone To Be Quiet
61820	VRISKA: What! Why?
61821	VRISKA: No, that's a normal way of putting it!
61822	VRISKA: I mean... it's a pretty normal thing to say, right? When you want... someone... to pipe down?
61823	KANAYA: "Pipe Down" Isnt Even Much Better
61824	KANAYA: Its Just A Funny Thing To Say And The Fact That You Dont Realize It Makes It Funnier
61825	KANAYA: I Think The Underlying Explanation Is That You Are Just Funnier That You Realize Or Try To Be
61826	KANAYA: It Is Something To Like About You
61827	VRISKA: I guess I'll have to accept your sass as a compliment then.
61828	VRISKA: And no, I don't SPY on you. I just...
61829	VRISKA: Check in with you sometimes! To see how you're doing.
61830	KANAYA: Okay If Thats How You Want To Put It
61831	KANAYA: You Involve Yourself In Many Private Matters Without Even Offering The Pretense Of Doing Otherwise
61832	KANAYA: To Think That At One Point I Was Regarded As The Meddlesome One
61833	VRISKA: Look, it just so happens that I care very deeply for all my friends and want to make sure they're doing alright on a somewhat regular 8asis.
61834	VRISKA: Is that a crime??
61835	KANAYA: In Some Societies Violating The Privacy Of Others In Certain Ways Yes I Believe So
61836	KANAYA: I Understand Your Motives Though And Really This Is Just Me Giving You A Hard Time
61837	VRISKA: I never got why everyone treats their romantic affairs as so PRIV8.
61838	VRISKA: What's the 8ig deal. So you like to do some smooching and stuff with another person. May8e get over yourselves??
61839	VRISKA: Karkat is the worst offender. You'd think he was charged with guarding st8 secrets. News flash, 8uddy. No8ody gives a fuck!
61840	KANAYA: It Sounds Like You Very Much Give A Fuck Though
61841	VRISKA: Hey, why don't you can... I mean, cut me some slack?
61842	VRISKA: I don't hold anyone to standards I don't hold myself to.
61843	VRISKA: I'm very open a8out my rel8tionships! My moirallegience with Terezi? Pff. Ask me anything! I have nothing to hide.
61844	VRISKA: We'll throw our diamonds up in your face like we're making a getaway.
61845	VRISKA: We don't even give a fuck. If you can't take the stench, then get out of the meal 8lock.
61846	VRISKA: Same with any ashen liaisons I've 8een involved with over the years. What's the 8ig deal?
61847	KANAYA: I Have To Admit To Being Impressed With Your Uh
61848	KANAYA: Strangely Natural Proficiency With Auspisticism
61849	KANAYA: It Is An Incredibly Difficult Quadrant To Master And Very Emotionally Taxing I Find
61850	KANAYA: In A Way That Conflicts With The Pursuit Of Relationships In Other Quadrants
61851	KANAYA: I Cant Ignore That During Our Trip You Probably Diffused A Lot Of Unpleasant Situations Before They Started
61852	KANAYA: But When It Comes To Matters Of Privacy And Such
61853	KANAYA: And Which Forms Of Expression People Feel At Ease Showing In Public
61854	KANAYA: Pale Relationships Are Really Different I Think
61855	KANAYA: What About The Other Kind
61856	KANAYA: Seems To Me You Have Not Been Involved In Any So Im Not Sure You Really Understand
61857	VRISKA: I just don't have time for anything like that in my life right now!
61858	VRISKA: Red and 8lack rel8tionships are so a8sor8ing. I have a strong pale rel8tionship which is very important to me, 8ut that's a8out all I can handle.
61859	VRISKA: May8e l8ter on when the dust settles from this crazy adventure, I'll consider it. 8ut for now, this is all I can deal with.
61860	VRISKA: I just have too many irons in the fire, you know?
61861	KANAYA: I Know All About The Irons
61862	KANAYA: I Have Heard Rumors Of This Alleged Fire As Well
61863	VRISKA: So what are they talking a8out?
61864	KANAYA: What
61865	VRISKA: All your 8uddies over there!
61866	VRISKA: We were still talking a8out that. It's ridiculous how easily we all get sidetracked 8y romantic 8lither.
61867	KANAYA: Oh
61868	KANAYA: "Family" Stuff Mainly
61869	VRISKA: It's pretty fascin8ting. Sociologically speaking, I mean.
61870	VRISKA: Their idea of families.
61871	VRISKA: The idea of si8lings is strange enough. People who are genetically similar and grow up together.
61872	VRISKA: Spending all that time with Dave and Rose, you started getting a sense for it. Like, the logic of it, how it must have shaped Earth society. 8ut also its inherent ridiculousness.
61873	VRISKA: Sharing a residence with your near-clone while growing up? So preposterous.
61874	VRISKA: 8ut then you add the idea of parents, and suddenly it's complete madness.
61875	VRISKA: Our society was so individualistic, and that all seemed so normal and reasona8le.
61876	VRISKA: So I look over there, and see two Lalondes and a Strider, and there's a whole OTHER Strider on the way, and...
61877	VRISKA: A human family starts striking me as not so much a social unit, so much as like, an INFEST8TION.
61878	KANAYA: Yeah
61879	KANAYA: Well
61880	KANAYA: I Will Say An Entire Other Strider Does Sound Like A Bit Much
61881	KANAYA: On Top Of What Is Already Quite A Spectacle
61882	KANAYA: Maybe We Just Dont Get It
61883	VRISKA: Of course we don't. That's my point.
61884	VRISKA: I mean, we have ancestors, 8ut under normal circumstances it's pretty much UNHEARD of to imagine you'd ever get the chance to meet them.
61885	VRISKA: We had the unusual privilege of meeting most of ours, or at least, certain versions of them.
61886	VRISKA: 8ut that's still just a one-person lineage. It's really simple and comprehensi8le.
61887	VRISKA: Human lineage is just a huge clusterfuck if you ask me.
61888	KANAYA: There Is A Certain Advantage To It Though
61889	KANAYA: Their Decentralized Propagation Makes It A Lot More Likely Their Race Will Persist
61890	KANAYA: The Same Cannot Be Said For Ours
61891	KANAYA: I Still Often Wonder If We Are The Last Of Our Kind
61892	VRISKA: You're still dou8tful a8out whether you can hatch a new mother gru8?
61893	KANAYA: Yeah
61894	KANAYA: More Than Doubtful Id Say
61895	VRISKA: You shouldn't lose faith!
61896	VRISKA: I'm not even the slightest 8it worried a8out whether you can do it.
61897	VRISKA: When you get the chance, just 8rainstorm a8out it with the Lalondes. They tend to 8e full of ideas.
61898	VRISKA: Anyway, try not to get down a8out it. I have a good feeling. ::::)
61899	KARKAT: GET DOWN ABOUT WHAT
61900	KANAYA: A Particular Obligation I Have Yet To Fulfill
61901	KANAYA: I Sense She Possesses Some Intelligence On The Matter She Wishes To Be Cagey About So I Guess That Part Of The Conversation Has Been Concluded
61902	KARKAT: OBLIGATION?
61903	KARKAT: VRISKA, HAVE YOU BEEN DISHING MORE DIRT ON OUR STRATEGY BEFORE FORMALLY BRINGING OUR MEETING BACK TO ORDER?
61904	KARKAT: PRETTY SLOPPY LEADERSHIP MOVE, IF YOU ASK ME.
61905	VRISKA: Karkat, it had NOTHING to do with your and Kanaya's upcoming roles in this campaign.
61906	VRISKA: It was a more priv8 matter pertaining to Kanaya's 8roader significance to the future of our people.
61907	VRISKA: I will 8e very clearly spelling out the roles you and she will 8e playing momentarily.
61908	KARKAT: ME AND SHE??
61909	KARKAT: AS IN LIKE, TOGETHER?
61910	KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK ARE WE SUPPOSED TO BE DOING TOGETHER.
61911	VRISKA: You'll find out.
61912	KARKAT: GREAT! I'M SO GLAD.
61913	KARKAT: AT THIS POINT, I ONLY EVER FEEL ANGST OR EVEN THE SLIGHTEST SENSE OF AGITATION IN MY SOUL TO THE PRECISE EXTENT THAT I WORRY VRISKA *MIGHT* NOT HAVE ALL OF OUR FORTUNES COMPLETELY MAPPED OUT ALREADY.
61914	KARKAT: I'M BEGINNING TO HYPERVENTILATE SLIGHTLY LESS JUST THINKING ABOUT IT!!!
61915	VRISKA: Good to hear, Karkat. Almost as cool as it is to see you yelled yourself out with John and Dave already, and have decided to come clock in some yelling time with us.
61916	VRISKA: Your a8ility to dig deep down and find a second wind is really quite astonishing. I shudder to think what would happen to this party if we ran out of its most precious natural resource.
61917	KARKAT: HAHAHA!
61918	KARKAT: BURNED. OWNED. DEVASTATED. WHAT MORE IS THERE TO SAY?
61919	KARKAT: NOTHING REALLY, UNLESS YOU WANT WHATEVER PITIFUL TATTERS OF YOUR SELF IMAGE YOU HAVE LEFT TO GET POWER-PISSED ON BY GODQUEEN SERKET HERSELF, YET AGAIN.
61920	KARKAT: EITHER THAT, OR ONE COULD RUMINATE FONDLY OVER THE HEAVENLY RET-FORKED REALITY WHEREIN SHE WAS STABBED IN THE BACK BY HER MOIRAIL, AND WE ALL GOT TO LIVE OUT THE *FUCKING BLISS* THAT TIMELINE MUST HAVE BEEN.
61921	KARKAT: JUST THINK OF THE PEACE AND QUIET WE WOULD HAVE HAD ON THE METEOR! IT WAS PROBABLY *MORE* THAN WORTH THE PRICE OF CANNON BALLING ASS FIRST INTO SOME SORT OF MASSACRE TRAP.
61922	KARKAT: VRISKA SERKET, MAKING THE LIVING ENVY THE HYPOTHETICAL DEAD SINCE... WHENEVER IT WAS SHE STARTED DOING THAT!
61923	VRISKA: Way to stick the landing on that 8ar8, genius.
61924	VRISKA: I appreci8te that you are just "moseying over" to ar8itrarily drum up some utterly meaningless contention 8etween us, 8ut it's like I've said 8efore many times, Karkat. I'm not interested!
61925	KARKAT: OUCH! SLAUGHTERED AGAIN. "HEHEHE!"
61926	KARKAT: DON'T LISTEN TO HER, KANAYA. IT'S LIKE THIS RUNNING GAG SHE DOES ALL THE TIME, TO OWN ME.
61927	KANAYA: What
61928	KARKAT: IT'S THIS FUNNY THING WE DO. OR MAINLY, SHE DOES.
61929	KARKAT: ALWAYS IMPLYING THAT I'VE BEEN SPADES-CRUSHING ON HER, AND GETTING SHUT DOWN. IT NEVER STOPS BEING HILARIOUS!
61930	KANAYA: ...
61931	KARKAT: FIRST OF ALL, AS IF SHE CAN PROVE ANYTHING.
61932	KARKAT: SECOND, IF WE'RE BEING *TOTALLY FAIR* HERE, MORE THAN A FEW OF HER SNAPPY COMEBACKS ARE ARGUABLY MORE TINGED WITH THAT SORT OF EYEBROW-COCKING HOSTILITY THAN ANYTHING *I'VE* EVER SAID TO HER.
61933	KARKAT: MAYBE MAKES ONE A LITTLE SUSPICIOUS, NO? THAT MAYBE THERE'S SOME PROJECTION GOING ON HERE. JUST SAYING!!!
61934	VRISKA: Alright Karkat, I'm going to leave you here to dig yourself into whatever em8arrassing hole you seem intent on digging.
61935	VRISKA: I'm going to keep working the crowd a 8it. As you know, a leader's jo8 is never done! See ya.
61936	KARKAT: BYE! MAYBE TRY ACTING A LITTLE MORE GRACIOUS IN DEFEAT NEXT TIME.
61937	KARKAT: JUST A LITTLE ADVICE FROM ONE LEADER TO ANOTHER!
61938	KANAYA: Shes Gone I Think You Needed To Come Up With That Comeback A Little Faster
61939	KARKAT: YEAH
61940	KARKAT: DAMN
61941	KANAYA: I Think As A Friend It Would Behoove Me To Um
61942	KANAYA: Confide Somewhat
61943	KANAYA: About The Realities Of Pursuing Anything With Her
61944	KARKAT: WAIT
61945	KARKAT: WHAT??
61946	KARKAT: KANAYA, YOU WEREN'T TAKING THAT PATHETIC JOKEY UNREQUITED BLACKROM STUFF SERIOUSLY, WERE YOU???
61947	KANAYA: Lets Imagine That My Attitude Toward The Joking Or Non Joking Status Of That Is Perfectly Neutral
61948	KANAYA: While I Just Say These Things
61949	KANAYA: Aside From The Fact That She Literally Just Got Finished Telling Me She Wasnt Interested In Any Non Pale Relationships
61950	KANAYA: I Think That Would Be A Blind Alley Regardless
61951	KANAYA: I Admit This From Experience
61952	KANAYA: And Not Without Chagrined Hesitation
61953	KANAYA: But Only Frustration And Heartbreak Are Down That Road
61954	KARKAT: OH??
61955	KANAYA: Shes Turned Out To Be A Tremendous Partner In Pale Relationships
61956	KANAYA: Maybe Even Um
61957	KANAYA: A Bit Freakishly So?
61958	KANAYA: But Anything Stronger Than That I Think Would Probably Be Disastrous
61959	KANAYA: She Is Way Too Focused And Self Absorbed To Maintain Such Strong Feelings For Long
61960	KANAYA: She Would Need To Learn To Let Go Of Some Of Her Ambition And Figure Out How To Prioritize The Feelings Of Other People
61961	KANAYA: She Might Even Figure Out How To Be
61962	KANAYA: Happy
61963	KANAYA: *Shudder*
61964	KARKAT: YEAH, WOW
61965	KARKAT: A CHILL JUST RAN UP MY POSTURE POLE, TRYING TO IMAGINE THAT.
61966	KARKAT: YOU KNOW...
61967	KARKAT: I DON'T KNOW IF I'VE EVER TOLD YOU.
61968	KARKAT: BUT YOU HAVE A REALLY IMPRESSIVE GRASP OVER ROMANTIC ANALYSIS.
61969	KANAYA: Well I Have Read A Lot Of Novels Too
61970	KANAYA: I Just Dont Brag Much About It
61971	KANAYA: Because It Would...
61972	KANAYA: Literally Be Preposterous To Do So
61973	KARKAT: WE SHOULD BE JAMMING ON THIS SUBJECT MORE. MAYBE EXPLORE SOME OF MY MORE ADVANCED THEORIES.
61974	KARKAT: WE'RE SURROUNDED BY AMATEURS IN THIS FIELD, SO IT GETS A BIT FRUSTRATING.
61975	KARKAT: WELL, THE MAYOR'S A GOOD SOUNDING BOARD AT LEAST. WHEN I WANT TO BOUNCE SOME OF MY MORE "OUT THERE" IDEAS OFF SOMEONE.
61976	KANAYA: Why Dont We Schedule An Academic Conference Some Time
61977	KANAYA: Just You Me And The Mayor
61978	KARKAT: OH FUCK YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
61979	DAVE: hey am i interrupting anything
61980	VRISKA: Hey, Dave. No, Arquius and I were just exchanging some notes 8efore I 8ring the meeting to order again.
61981	DAVE: ok i just thought i would
61982	DAVE: saunter over here
61983	DAVE: things are getting pretty lalonde heavy over there
61984	VRISKA: It really is an awful lot of fucking Lalondes, isn't it.
61985	DAVE: two was ok or actually cool even but this
61986	DAVE: yeah
61987	DAVE: time to see whats up over here
61988	DAVE: how is it going there broquiusprite
61989	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Nearly finished radically downgrading crocker here
61990	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I then plan on mourning the complete restoration of her woeful inferiority with a moment of silent, subtle fle%ing
61991	DAVE: ok that was some weird stuff to say
61992	DAVE: but cool
61993	DAVE: soooo
61994	DAVE: you are
61995	DAVE: some sort of freak right
61996	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Yes
61997	DAVE: ok good to know
61998	DAVE: its like
61999	DAVE: talking to someone who is half my bro...
62000	DAVE: but then not even really?
62001	DAVE: the bro half is half AI or something??
62002	DAVE: so maybe one quarter bro
62003	DAVE: but then maybe even less because like alt-universe considerations and also part sprite
62004	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I am notorious for being <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arspritetxt_fucking.gif" border="0" /> sensational at mathemati%, but I don't think I could break it down for you without lying about the precision of my figures
62005	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Which is a practice I am by no means above, mind you
62006	DAVE: yeah the bottom line is i can tell youre just a really watered down version
62007	DAVE: or maybe
62008	DAVE: sweated down
62009	DAVE: why the fuck are you so sweaty
62010	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I'm not
62011	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I toweled off less than a minute ago
62012	DAVE: oh god
62013	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Sir Dave, there's much we could talk about, en route to wa%ing HARD sentimental about our dubiously shared fraternal past
62014	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> The fact that I will not shouldn't be mistaken for preoccupation with this delicate cybertask, which is trivial to me since my mind is a faultless silicon mesh of living algorithmic perfe%ion
62015	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Neighther should it be ascribed to the fact that my troll hemidentity finds the notion of a reunion with you to be boring as a fiddling fruit
62016	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> It is manely that such a bonding e%perience strikes me as an endeavor falling outside my totally ripped and kicktuchus purview
62017	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Brothertimes with Real Dave would best be left to the custody of Real Dirk, not to mention someone who gives at least greater than half a stupid shoot about you
62018	VRISKA: (Swoon.)
62019	DAVE: you know
62020	DAVE: im kinda glad you sound this insane and for the most part barely understandable
62021	DAVE: it makes it extra obvious you arent my legit bro
62022	DAVE: which means i can actually talk to you while only being like vaguely confused and unsettled instead of curling up into a ball and having some sort of social conniption
62023	DAVE: speaking of which
62024	DAVE: uh
62025	DAVE: when is he supposed to get here btw
62026	VRISKA: Relax, Dave.
62027	VRISKA: He's scheduled to arrive around the same time as all the other 8ad guys.
62028	VRISKA: You still have time.
62029	VRISKA: I could have expedited his arrival, 8ut I knew that meeting him was going to 8e a 8ig deal for you, so I decided to let you have some space while we made some plans.
62030	VRISKA: See? I'm always thinking a8out what's good for you guys, and what's 8est for the overall strategy.
62031	VRISKA: Keeping everyone in high spirits is important!
62032	DAVE: what do you mean
62033	DAVE: 'expedited'
62034	VRISKA: Never mind that.
62035	VRISKA: Just chill out!
62036	DAVE: alright
62037	DAVE: so as long as im supposedly chillin and in no way wondering about my bro
62038	DAVE: are you SURE there are no beverages in that fridge
62039	DAVE: no aj or
62040	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> It's a blind alley, brother dawg
62041	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I already asked if she had milk in there once, plus another nine redundant times after that
62042	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I also asked if she would like to touch my muscles
62043	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> The answers were ten no's and one yes
62044	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> That reminds me dave
62045	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Would you like to touch my muscles?
62046	DAVE: maybe later
62047	DAVE: so youre sure theres nothin to drink in there
62048	VRISKA: Yes, Dave.
62049	DAVE: dunno why im so insistent
62050	DAVE: not like my fridge ever had anything comestible inside
62051	DAVE: why the fuck did you even bring it
62052	VRISKA: Don't worry about it.
62053	DAVE: oh come on
62054	TEREZI: G4MZ33'S 1N TH3R3
62055	<.img src="http://mspaintadventures.com/scraps2/gamzsmallhonk.png" border="0" />
62056	DAVE: oh right
62057	DAVE: somehow i forgot that we literally just established that you had gamzee locked in there for some reason
62058	DAVE: you sure we shouldnt maybe
62059	DAVE: let him out
62060	TEREZI: >:\
62061	DAVE: he could suffocate in there
62062	TEREZI: H3'LL JUST R3V1V3
62063	TEREZI: GOD T13R STYL3, R1GHT?
62064	DAVE: hes not a fuckin god tier
62065	DAVE: hes faking it he just made that fuckin suit from scratch or something
62066	DAVE: i know hes complete trash but maybe we should just let him out
62067	DAVE: whats the harm its not like he can cause much trouble
62068	DAVE: we all way outnumber him and have way more powers and shit
62069	TEREZI: UM...
62070	VRISKA: No.
62071	VRISKA: Oh, wow. No.
62072	VRISKA: We will not ever 8e hearing from him again. No.
62073	VRISKA: Never, never, never again. Never.
62074	VRISKA: Wow.
62075	DAVE: so youre just gonna let him suffocate in there then
62076	VRISKA: Dave, give me a little more credit than that.
62077	VRISKA: Gamzee is supposedly relevant to some stuff that's going to happen in the new universe.
62078	VRISKA: He's still got some "plot armor" or some shit.
62079	VRISKA: So when Earth is resitu8ted, I'm just going to drop the fridge in the fucking ocean or something, and let him find his own way out.
62080	DAVE: ok thats fair
62081	DAVE: i mean
62082	DAVE: firm
62083	DAVE: but fair
62084	DAVE: well maybe not that fair but i guess i dont care
62085	DAVE: so is johns hot mom awake yet?
62086	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> No
62087	DAVE: i mean
62088	DAVE: not hot mom
62089	DAVE: just mom
62090	DAVE: damn
62091	DAVE: did anyone hear that
62092	TEREZI: Y3S
62093	DAVE: shit
62094	DAVE: lets reboot all trains of thought starting now
62095	DAVE: how much longer til his hot moms awake
62096	DAVE: mom
62097	DAVE: i mean his
62098	DAVE: not mine
62099	DAVE: his mom not my hot mom
62100	DAVE: my mom i mean
62101	DAVE: fucking hell
62102	DAVE: not my mom his
62103	DAVE: johns hot mom
62104	DAVE: JESUS
62105	VRISKA: Sigh.
62106	VRISKA: The Strider Express is off the rails again, so I'm going to duck out of this convers8tion.
62107	VRISKA: See you every8ody.
62108	DAVE: no vriska dont go
62109	DAVE: at least do me the solid of letting me land squarely on some phrases that allow some plausible deniability over whether i think johns mom is super fucking hot
62110	DAVE: shit wait
62111	DAVE: pretend i didnt say that while still rendering its meaning in your mind somehow
62112	DAVE: vriskas gone im not even talking to anyone
62113	TEREZI: D4V3
62114	TEREZI: FORG1V3 M3 1F 1 4M M1SS1NG SOM3 NU4NC3 H3R3
62115	TEREZI: BUT 1T SOUNDS TO M3
62116	TEREZI: 4S 1F YOU B3L13V3 JOHN'S MOTH3R 1S PHYS1C4LLY 4TTR4CT1V3
62117	DAVE: ok now youre just twisting my words around
62118	TEREZI: WH4T WOULD JOHN TH1NK??
62119	DAVE: ok thats an interesting thought but hear me out
62120	DAVE: what if
62121	DAVE: we ran an experiment and spent the rest of our lives finding out what happened if we never told him
62122	TEREZI: 1 W1LL CONS1D3R YOUR R3QU3ST FOR S3CR3CY
62123	TEREZI: M4YB3
62124	TEREZI: FR4NKLY, 1 4M NOT SUR3 SH3 1S 4NYTH1NG TO WR1T3 HOM3 4BOUT
62125	DAVE: what oh what the fuck
62126	DAVE: are you on the idiot drugs today
62127	DAVE: how could you possibly be serious about that
62128	DAVE: how is this unconscious teen grandmother not a completely smokin babe
62129	TEREZI: 1 GU3SS SH3 1S NOT MY CONT41N3R OF SC4LD1NG L34F FLU1D
62130	DAVE: no i dont even believe you
62131	DAVE: youre obviously just trying to rile me up by going against the grain of fragrantly obvious babefacts
62132	ROSE: Is Dave saying inappropriate things about John's mother over there?
62133	DAVE: no!
62134	DAVE: im not saying anything
62135	DAVE: just standard casual observations from a regular bystanding person
62136	TEREZI: H3 K33PS C4LL1NG H3R HOT
62137	DAVE: wow
62138	DAVE: wow
62139	DAVE: peddle LIES much?
62140	DAVE: i guess reprehensible dishonesty is all the rage with the troll kids today
62141	ROXY: wait wats goin on
62142	ROXY: are we all talkin about how hot jane is???
62143	DAVE: no!
62144	DAVE: maybe
62145	ROXY: cuz janey is a straightup sexual fox riding a red hot nuclear bombshell
62146	ROXY: right toward the yowza plaza in the heart of babe city, assachusetts, U S A
62147	ROXY: the last A just stands for more ass
62148	DAVE: THANK you
62149	DAVE: for
62150	DAVE: defending the position i may or may not have been arguing for moments ago
62151	ROSE: No comment.
62152	JOHN: hey, are you guys talking about me?
62153	JOHN: what's going on!
62154	DAVE: NOPE
62155	ROXY: lmao
62156	TEREZI: D4V3 TH1NKS YOUR MOM 1S HOT
62157	JOHN: what!!
62158	DAVE: god DAMMIT terezi
62159	JOHN: hey!
62160	JOHN: mr. jake harley i presume?
62161	JAKE: No...?
62162	JAKE: Its english actually.
62163	JAKE: Twas my grandmas surname.
62164	JOHN: oh. my mistake!
62165	JOHN: so then, is it just a coincidence that she had the same name as an invincible super villain?
62166	JOHN: are coincidences even real??
62167	JAKE: I dunno.
62168	JAKE: The history is a little murky to me.
62169	JAKE: I heard she took the name from a nasty fellow to spite a wicked baroness.
62170	JOHN: ok.
62171	JOHN: good to know!
62172	JOHN: it's been interesting to learn how even though we are all pretty similar, we all had a lot of really different life details.
62173	JAKE: I guess so.
62174	JOHN: like, there are all these things i take for granted about jade's childhood, which in theory is similar to yours.
62175	JOHN: but not really... she had a super powerful dog you didn't have. and also a grandpa you couldn't have had, because... that was grown up you!
62176	JOHN: i'd be really curious to hear about all the differences in your life some time, if you don't mind.
62177	JAKE: Sure.
62178	JOHN: hell, i'd be REALLY curious to hear about the differences in my alt-life, so to speak.
62179	JOHN: but jane is asleep!
62180	JOHN: i'm guessing she grew up in a similar situation i did, but with... a bunch of differences???
62181	JOHN: guess i'll just have to wait!
62182	JAKE: Well...
62183	JAKE: She was a good friend.
62184	JAKE: I know lots of stuff about her life.
62185	JAKE: What do you want to know?
62186	JOHN: oh! hmm.
62187	JOHN: let's see.
62188	JOHN: so i was her grandpa, instead of her being my nanna?
62189	JOHN: i'm not sure if that statement made sense, but you know what i mean.
62190	JAKE: Yeah she had a poppop.
62191	JAKE: He was a really funny and beloved old time comedian so i guess that is the guy you grew up to be.
62192	JOHN: cool!
62193	JOHN: i never knew my nanna growing up, except as an urn of ashes above the fireplace.
62194	JOHN: i only met her as a sprite.
62195	JOHN: was i dead? or... was he?
62196	JAKE: Yep but he wasnt ashes they had a different way of preserving him which i think was arguably more dignified.
62197	JOHN: how?
62198	JAKE: Have you seen weekend at bernies?
62199	JOHN: no.
62200	JOHN: i've heard of it though!
62201	JAKE: Oh man you HAVE to see it!
62202	JAKE: Its about a couple of knuckleheads who parade around with a funny corpse trying to pass him off as a living friend and good time charlie over a series of escapades.
62203	JOHN: sounds incredible.
62204	JAKE: I still have it if you want to see it some time.
62205	JOHN: definitely!
62206	JOHN: so you like movies?
62207	JAKE: DO i?????
62208	JOHN: haha, i love movies too.
62209	JOHN: there are a whole bunch i'd want to show you, assuming you haven't seen them already.
62210	JOHN: i love talking about them with people! i think my friends usually just humored me about the movies i liked, but i have a feeling you'd really dig them!
62211	JAKE: Oh i GUARANTEE you i would.
62212	JOHN: awesome, i can't wait to show you some.
62213	JOHN: so... that means jane had an old man corpse version of me around somewhere? like in her house?
62214	JAKE: Yes.
62215	JOHN: ok, that sounds pretty preposterous to me...
62216	JOHN: but i guess she must have grown up thinking it was normal.
62217	JAKE: Not... really. She was always pretty put off by it to be honest.
62218	JOHN: heheh. poor jane.
62219	JOHN: i'll have to apologize to her for freaking her out from beyond the grave.
62220	JOHN: what was her life like otherwise?
62221	JAKE: Pretty typical id say.
62222	JAKE: She always characterized it as boring.
62223	JAKE: But i never agreed really she got to live on the main land with access to all kinds of things i didnt have.
62224	JAKE: Plus she lived with a cool and manly father who cared about her a lot and seemed like a standup gent.
62225	JOHN: oh, she lived with her dad too?
62226	JOHN: do you know anything about him?
62227	JAKE: Not much other than what i just said and a few things she told me.
62228	JAKE: I think he was stern and fatherly and dressed well if memory serves he was a private detective at one point.
62229	JOHN: a private detective???
62230	JOHN: wow.
62231	JOHN: it sounds like he must have been a completely different kind of dad from the one i had.
62232	JOHN: all these differences are so interesting... some are subtle, but some are drastic, like this one apparently is.
62233	JOHN: it would be neat to meet him.
62234	JOHN: i mean, not that it would be much of a substitute for getting to see my dad again, since they're totally different people, but...
62235	JOHN: you know what i mean.
62236	JOHN: do you know what happened to him?
62237	JAKE: Im not sure i kinda lost track of him for a while...
62238	JAKE: I think he might be in jail?
62239	JOHN: jail??
62240	JAKE: Yeah on derse.
62241	JAKE: I THINK. I could be wrong though.
62242	JOHN: i'll make a mental note to check on him some time soon.
62243	JOHN: i bet jane would want to too, when she wakes up. i'll ask her about it.
62244	JAKE: Good idea!
62245	JOHN: you know jake, at first you seemed pretty shy...
62246	JOHN: but you don't really seem that way at all now?
62247	JOHN: you just strike me as a nice regular dude who likes movies and stuff.
62248	JOHN: i'm glad we are getting a chance to talk!
62249	JAKE: Yeah me too!
62250	JAKE: Ive been feeling way out of sorts since i got sprung from the big house and dragged along to this here frog stage to suddenly bump gums with WAY too many people...
62251	JAKE: But you are really good company john and you know how to make a guy feel at ease.
62252	JOHN: heh, yeah, it is a lot of people.
62253	JOHN: i'm having trouble keeping track of everyone myself!
62254	JAKE: They all seem like decent folk and all but...
62255	JAKE: I guess everyones catching me at a bad time.
62256	JAKE: This wasnt how i pictured things going at all.
62257	JOHN: how were you picturing it?
62258	JAKE: Naively i suppose.
62259	JAKE: Its not that i was expecting differently of anyone else...
62260	JAKE: More that i had spurious visions of my own conduct.
62261	JAKE: Remember the letter i sent you?
62262	JOHN: yes.
62263	JAKE: All the excitement and swagger you heard from me in those words...
62264	JAKE: Thats the man i thought id be when you met me.
62265	JAKE: A man of action and gumption... hell when i wrote that i thought by now maybe people would even have come to see me as a leader!
62266	JAKE: What a laugh.
62267	JAKE: I turned out to be such a disappointment to myself and everyone else.
62268	JAKE: The bravado in that letter was fake ive realized lately.
62269	JAKE: Ive realized a lot of things.
62270	JAKE: That i could never be a leader or a people person or probably ever have a quality relationship with someone.
62271	JAKE: So its hard to get up a lot of moxie for a big moment like this even though im as excited about it as everyone else.
62272	JAKE: Tavrosprite already tried cheering me up and hes nice but i dont think it worked.
62273	JAKE: Like by saying maybe all that stuff ISNT true and maybe im actually really great in all the ways i dont think i am?
62274	JAKE: Its a nice thought but also it weirdly just doesnt make me feel any better.
62275	JAKE: John you seem like the kind of guy who likes trying to cheer up a pal so i guess...
62276	JAKE: I guess just so you know someone already tried telling me i was wrong and it didnt work.
62277	JOHN: i don't think you're wrong though!
62278	JOHN: well, i don't know.
62279	JOHN: we just met! what could i know about you other than what you tell me?
62280	JOHN: i believe you about all that.
62281	JOHN: really, it just sounds to me like you are going through a lot of changes.
62282	JOHN: changes are good!
62283	JOHN: especially if you understand that's what's happening to you.
62284	JOHN: i think that's how we grow and stuff.
62285	JOHN: i think i've changed in a lot of ways.
62286	JOHN: some ways that weren't easy.
62287	JAKE: Yeah?
62288	JOHN: sure!
62289	JOHN: so you're realizing you like being by yourself, it sounds like.
62290	JOHN: big deal!
62291	JOHN: i like being alone a lot of times too. it helps me think.
62292	JOHN: if that's who you are, there's nothing wrong with that.
62293	JOHN: jade's grandpa liked being by himself too.
62294	JOHN: so much so, that he moved to an island as far away from civilization as possible.
62295	JOHN: but he still did adventurous stuff and was super successful and also raised a cool grand daughter, who was actually his daughter, and i guess also yours.
62296	JAKE: Huh.
62297	JAKE: Yes i guess youre right.
62298	JOHN: and if nothing else...
62299	JOHN: at least you have a cool costume.
62300	JAKE: You...
62301	JAKE: You really like it?
62302	JOHN: hell yes!
62303	JAKE: Wow thanks.
62304	JAKE: Sometimes i worry that i might look a little silly.
62305	JAKE: And feel kind of... exposed maybe?
62306	JAKE: Like im on sexy display or such and people dont see me as a person.
62307	JOHN: i wouldn't worry about that.
62308	JOHN: i love the god tier pajamas, and yours are badass.
62309	JOHN: you look like a super hero!
62310	JAKE: Really???
62311	JOHN: yes.
62312	JOHN: well...
62313	JOHN: maybe a plucky side kick, at LEAST.
62314	JAKE: Heheheheh.
62315	JOHN: side kicks are really under rated anyway.
62316	JOHN: i think in some cases they might be the real stars.
62317	JOHN: like, you know bat man?
62318	JOHN: truth be told, i think he might just be some kind of gallivanting idiot.
62319	JOHN: he's got all the money and skills in the world, and what does he do?
62320	JOHN: he buys a fancy car to drive around in, then jumps out and starts punching crooks with his bare hands.
62321	JOHN: then, when he gets horn swoggled by a wily clown with NO powers, and a LOT less money, who has to bail him out?
62322	JOHN: his side kick of course.
62323	JAKE: Yeah youre right!
62324	JOHN: what is bat man even trying to prove? being all serious and "cool" looking.
62325	JOHN: his side kick looks like he has a lot more fun, and smacks of confidence and self assurance, trotting around in his underpants.
62326	JOHN: bat man probably doesn't even care much about stopping crime, it's more about walloping thugs and getting to feel cool.
62327	JOHN: if he really cared about stopping bad guys, he'd probably use his fancy money to buy guns, and at LEAST show the criminals he's packing, to make them scared, if not surrender outright.
62328	JOHN: i bet his side kick probably just has to wait for bat man to bungle things up with his stupid karate, and when he gets in trouble, the side kick just guns down all the crooks from a safe distance like a sensible person.
62329	JAKE: Well i do love guns!!!
62330	JAKE: ALSO fisticuffs.
62331	JOHN: see? there you go.
62332	JOHN: you're better than bat man already.
62333	KARKAT: (WHISPER WHISPER WHISPER)
62334	KARKAT: (WHISPER WHISPER)
62335	JOHN: hold on...
62336	JOHN: shh, listen.
62337	JAKE: ...
62338	KARKAT: (WHISPER WHISPER mayor)
62339	KARKAT: (WHISPER WHISPER WHISPER can town?)
62340	KARKAT: (WHISPER WHISPER but where? WHISPER WHISPER earth WHISPER)
62341	KARKAT: (WHISPER WHISPER WHISPER to scale?? don't see how WHISPER WHISPER WHISPER)
62342	KARKAT: (if you're really going WHISPER WHISPER WHISPER build WHISPER WHISPER)
62343	JOHN: (ha ha.)
62344	JOHN: (he's talking to the mayor again.)
62345	JAKE: (so it seems.)
62346	JAKE: (they really appear to have quite the rapport.)
62347	JOHN: (i just love how he talks to the mayor.)
62348	JOHN: (it's like he made up this whole language.)
62349	JOHN: (of like minimal talking and hand gestures.)
62350	JOHN: (it's so cute!)
62351	KARKAT: *AHEM*
62352	KARKAT: EGBERT, WHAT THE FUCK.
62353	KARKAT: WERE YOU EAVESDROPPING?!
62354	JOHN: no!
62355	KARKAT: THIS IS A FUCKING PRIVATE CONVERSATION.
62356	KARKAT: STOP BEING RUDE GARBAGE.
62357	JOHN: i wasn't eavesdropping...
62358	JOHN: you just happened to be like... right there.
62359	JOHN: and you're a really loud whisperer!
62360	KARKAT: OH!!! OK THEN! HERE, HAVE AN EXCESSIVELY *QUIET* (shut the fuck up)
62361	JOHN: sorry!
62362	JOHN: go back to your cute mayor conference.
62363	JOHN: we'll mind our own business.
62364	TAVROSPRITE: aCHOO!,
62365	TAVROSPRITE: aaaCHOO!!!,
62366	JOHN: oh man.
62367	JOHN: what's going on now?
62368	TAVROSPRITE: aCHOO!,,,
62369	JASPERSPRITE: Meow. :3
62370	TAVROSPRITE: aCHOOOOO!!!!!
62371	TAVROSPRITE: wHY,
62372	TAVROSPRITE: aCHOO,!
62373	TAVROSPRITE: wHY, dOES YOUR LUSUS NEED,
62374	TAVROSPRITE: aCHOO,!,,!
62375	TAVROSPRITE: tO BE HERE,,,
62376	TAVROSPRITE: aCHOO!!!,
62377	TAVROSPRITE: mY ALLERGIES, }:(
62378	JOHN: jaspers??
62379	JOHN: what are you...
62380	JOHN: wait a minute.
62381	JOHN: rose, is that you?!
62382	JASPERSPRITE: Meeeeeow!
62383	JOHN: oh my god.
62384	JOHN: i turn my back for two seconds, and something stupid happens.
62385	TAVROSPRITE: aaaaCHOO,!!!
62386	VRISKA: Ok every8ody, time's up!!!!!!!!
62387	VRISKA: Wrap up your convers8tions. Our tactical meeting is officially 8ack in order!
62388	VRISKA: Alright, has everyone shut up yet?
62389	TEREZI: 1 TH1NK SO
62390	VRISKA: Gr8!
62391	VRISKA: Let's not waste another second then. I'm diving right into this.
62392	VRISKA: Everyone pay close attention, and try to keep up!
62393	VRISKA: I'll start 8y descri8ing the exact n8ture of the threats we're dealing with, and go from there.
62394	VRISKA: According to intelligence gathered during our trip along with some reconnaissance work on arrival, this session has four, possi8ly five major adversaries.
62395	VRISKA: The Condesce of course, and three Jack Noirs of varying levels of danger.
62396	VRISKA: Plus, there's a female prospitian of equivalent power to the strongest Jack. She's sort of an x-factor.
62397	VRISKA: It's hard to accur8tely gauge her threat level, 8ut I'm not a8out to take any chances.
62398	VRISKA: All these threats are just outside the incipisphere, en route to the session as we speak.
62399	VRISKA: Once they arrive, all hell will 8reak loose. That's when endgame is officially go.
62400	VRISKA: You only have a couple hours to prepare, so you need to listen to every word I say.
62401	VRISKA: Victory will depend on following my plan to the letter!
62402	ROXY: so.....
62403	ROXY: wheres the condesce right now?
62404	VRISKA: She's on Derse, preparing for the same critical convergence herself.
62405	VRISKA: After our little prison raid caught her completely off guard, costing her some hostages and key points of leverage, we've essentially reached a temporary ceasefire 8y default while 8oth sides regroup.
62406	VRISKA: This is not how she expected things would go.
62407	VRISKA: We had the advantage of surprise that time, 8ut we won't 8e so lucky next time.
62408	VRISKA: She's w8ting for the Jacks to get here just like we are.
62409	VRISKA: Once they do, she'll instantly have the upper hand, and she knows this.
62410	VRISKA: Her particular com8ination of a8ilities along with her supervillain-like cunning make her an EXTREMELY DANGEROUS part of this equation!
62411	VRISKA: That's why we need a good strategy in place 8efore the shit hits the 8reeze 8lender.
62412	DAVE: so in addition for waiting for way too many jacks to get here
62413	DAVE: were also waiting for my bro too right
62414	DAVE: who... gets here at the same time or...
62415	VRISKA: Yes, the other Strider was 8anished to the periphery as well, and is in transit.
62416	VRISKA: He'll arrive at the same time, give or take, and should 8e a gr8 tactical asset.
62417	VRISKA: Sources tell me the dude is pretty good with a sword.
62418	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> That's me
62419	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I'm the source
62420	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I told her that, and it's true
62421	VRISKA: Yes, thank you Arquius.
62422	KANAYA: This Is Starting To Sound A Bit Complicated
62423	KANAYA: How Are We Supposed To Keep Track Of All These Villains And Heroes Coming And Going When And Where
62424	VRISKA: You're right, Kanaya.
62425	VRISKA: At this point in the meeting, I think we could use some diagrams to help with the 8attleplans.
62426	VRISKA: Karkat?
62427	VRISKA: If you wouldn't mind.
62428	KARKAT: I STILL HAVE NO IDEA WHY YOU PUT ME ON DRAWING DUTY.
62429	KARKAT: I'M EASILY THE WORST ARTIST HERE.
62430	KARKAT: AND IN A SETTING THAT INCLUDES DAVE, LET'S GET REAL. THAT'S NO SMALL FEAT.
62431	VRISKA: I specifically assigned you to diagramming duty so that it would keep you occupied.
62432	VRISKA: That way, you'd stand a chance of keeping your mouth shut while I talk strategy.
62433	KARKAT: THAT'S WORKED OUT GREAT SO FAR, HASN'T IT?
62434	KARKAT: WE'VE LOST HOW MANY STRATEGY-SECONDS TO ME COMPLAINING ABOUT DRAWING ALREADY??
62435	VRISKA: Sure, 8ut I know that drawing requires a lot of concentr8tion from you.
62436	VRISKA: Once you're in the zone, I expect you'll simmer down.
62437	KARKAT: WOW, FUCK YOU!
62438	KARKAT: YOU'RE PROBABLY RIGHT, BUT FUCK YOU NEVERTHELESS!
62439	KARKAT: WHERE THE SHIT IS MY ART PENCIL. I HAVE SOME DRAWING TO DO.
62440	VRISKA: Let's run down the threat list, with a full de8riefing on each threat.
62441	VRISKA: We'll start with the 8ig fish herself, the former empress of our world, Her Imperious Condescension.
62442	VRISKA: The only reason we've 8een a8le to temporarily neutralize her stranglehold on this session is 8y taking two major pieces away from her, Harley and Crocker.
62443	VRISKA: Rest assured, she's already scheming to reassert her dominance, and if it weren't for my intervention here, I'd 8et everything I had on the sea witch.
62444	VRISKA: She's spent centuries upgrading her a8ilities which now include 8OTH kinds of telekinesis. The simpler variety more common to rust 8loods, and the nasty kind which sometimes yellow 8looded mutants have involving all the fucking eye lasers and shit.
62445	VRISKA: If that weren't enough, she has a mix of telepathic a8ilities too, like mine, plus the animal communion kind more typical of 8rown 8loods.
62446	TAVROSPRITE: lIKE ME!
62447	VRISKA: Yes Tavros, like you.
62448	VRISKA: This means she can hijack animals AND trolls, assuming they aren't particularly resistant to influence, like me o8viously.
62449	VRISKA: Humans I'm guessing are still off limits to her influence, unless they've got some animal 8lood in them, which is what makes Jade such a dangerous element here.
62450	VRISKA: One of the mission critical priorities is to make sure she stays asleep. If she ever wakes up, and the Condesce takes control again, that's pro8a8ly game over for you guys.
62451	VRISKA: Jade's first guardian a8ilities make her too much to deal with on top of everything else.
62452	VRISKA: It's also possi8le that the Condesce may have some sway over the prospitian and one of the Jacks 8ecause of their part-dog n8ture too.
62453	VRISKA: It's hard to say what their level of resistance is, so I really can't 8e sure.
62454	VRISKA: Strategically, it's 8est to err on the safe side though, and presume this could 8e an issue.
62455	VRISKA: This is why taking on the Condesce has to 8e a HUGE PRIORITY!
62456	VRISKA: Ideally, you should 8e trying to kill or disa8le her as quickly as possi8le.
62457	VRISKA: 8ut if that's easier said than done, then what you need to do is keep her OCCUPIED!
62458	VRISKA: Throw everything you have at her. Whatever crazy powers you've got.
62459	VRISKA: Just keep her 8usy!
62460	VRISKA: Distracted enough 8y a 8unch of pesky kids so she won't have time to get clever with her powers.
62461	VRISKA: This is the 8est defense against the off-chance she might 8e a8le to sway the dog Jack and prospitian, AND a failsafe in case Jade wakes up for whatever reason.
62462	VRISKA: When it comes to killing her, I don't have much to advise.
62463	VRISKA: There's no intel on her weaknesses or anything like that. In fact, I'd 8et she doesnt have any.
62464	VRISKA: Like any powerful endgame 8oss, you just have to keep hammering away at her until she's dead.
62465	VRISKA: Nuff said!
62466	VRISKA: This 8rings us to the Jacks.
62467	VRISKA: To differenti8, I'll give them nicknames.
62468	VRISKA: There's Dog Jack, Lord Jack, and Ro8o Jack.
62469	VRISKA: Let's talk a8out them in order of threat level.
62470	VRISKA: Karkat, I'm going to need another shitty drawing.
62471	VRISKA: This time, of Dog Jack and his prospitian counterpart, please.
62472	VRISKA: Ah yes. I see you are intent on 8eing a wiggler a8out this, as we have all come to expect.
62473	VRISKA: Whatever, I've 8een working within the confines of everyone's stupid limit8tions already, so I might as well work around yours as well.
62474	VRISKA: There, perfect.
62475	VRISKA: Dog Jack is easily the most powerful adversary of the 8unch, in terms of pure physical capa8ility.
62476	VRISKA: The Condesce has the edge in guile and flexi8ility, and Lord Jack has a ton of offensive power too...
62477	VRISKA: 8ut there's nothing quite like the first guardian a8ilities to give someone an overwhelming tactical advantage.
62478	VRISKA: The a8ility to teleport anywhere in the session any time, or ANYONE anywhere any time, while having access to an inexhausti8le power supply from the green sun really makes it no contest, even against an otherwise awesome com8atant.
62479	VRISKA: If it were just him you had to deal with, I wouldn't like your odds, honestly.
62480	VRISKA: 8ut luckily for us, there's a major factor here which should mostly neutralize him during this huge melee, which is the prospitian.
62481	VRISKA: Power-wise, she's a precisely even match for him.
62482	VRISKA: And 8etter yet, she apparently can't stand the guy.
62483	VRISKA: I still don't know what her real motives are, 8ut you know what they say. Enemy of my enemy and all.
62484	VRISKA: So I say let her have at him, and if the opportunity presents itself, help her defeat him.
62485	VRISKA: I will also give this 8it of advice.
62486	VRISKA: If Jade ever wakes up, AND THE CONDESCE IS SUFFICIENTLY PREOCCUPIED, make sure Jade goes nowhere near the Condesce, and sic her on Dog Jack.
62487	VRISKA: She's the only one here who's a8ilities are on par with his, so that's where they're 8est applied.
62488	VRISKA: Got it? Good.
62489	VRISKA: Next, Lord Jack.
62490	VRISKA: Karkat?
62491	KARKAT: HOW DOES THIS LOOK?
62492	VRISKA: Gr8!
62493	VRISKA: I think I can work with this.
62494	VRISKA: Ah yes. Another true work of art has 8een made here today.
62495	VRISKA: Anyway, this ugly customer you see here?
62496	VRISKA: This is the Jack n8tive to the session we're in now.
62497	VRISKA: Somehow he got possessed 8y, or like, INFUSED with...? Lord English's crazy, ridiculously destructive magical energy.
62498	VRISKA: I have no idea why or how this happened, how it's theoretically even possi8le, or why we should actually care.
62499	VRISKA: The fact of the matter is, it happened, and now we have to deal with this hideous rain8ow-eyed monstrosity.
62500	VRISKA: Given what I have learned a8out Lord English's a8ilities, this will make his attacks quite lethal, and he will 8e EXTREMELY difficult to kill.
62501	VRISKA: In fact, that fucking rain8ow energy might just give him the highest constitution ranking of any adversary, possi8ly making him the toughest one here to actually kill off.
62502	VRISKA: The only reason he's not at Dog Tier threat level is 8ecause, for all his power, at least it's localized to wherever he happens to 8e.
62503	VRISKA: He's a8out as slow as any of us lowly non-omnipotents.
62504	VRISKA: He's not quite as relevant to keep occupied, or even to defeat, as the Condesce herself.
62505	VRISKA: 8ut he's still going to 8e HUGE TROU8LE when he gets here.
62506	VRISKA: You're going to need to stick some really good fighters on him.
62507	VRISKA: My advice is also to SERIOUSLY prepare for casualties during that fight.
62508	VRISKA: As the group's chief healer, Jane is going to need rapid access to the multiple fronts of this 8attle.
62509	VRISKA: More on that l8ter.
62510	VRISKA: That 8rings us to Ro8o Jack.
62511	VRISKA: He's the Jack origin8ting from our session.
62512	VRISKA: Remem8er him, Karkat?
62513	VRISKA: We hatched a plan with him to take down the 8lack queen. Seems like so long ago, doesn't it?
62514	VRISKA: Now apparently he's got some cy8ernetic upgrades?
62515	VRISKA: Who the fuck knows how that happened, or for that matter, why or how he's on his way here now.
62516	VRISKA: My mind 8oggles trying to even picture the amount of stupid shit he's 8een through 8etween now and when we knew him.
62517	VRISKA: Put this on the ever lengthening list of gar8age that doesn't matter and no8ody cares a8out.
62518	VRISKA: The fact is, we have no idea what his affili8tions are at this point, 8ut like I'm always saying...
62519	VRISKA: 8est to just plan for the worst, and assume this is just another scru8 we've gotta kill.
62520	VRISKA: He's the lowest on the threat level, though his various enhancements and accessories may pose more of a challenge than we 8argained for.
62521	VRISKA: He's also traveling with a juju known for its high storage capacity, so he's possi8ly packing company.
62522	VRISKA: May8e a LOT of company...
62523	VRISKA: I won't get into that now though.
62524	VRISKA: You're going to need to reserve a squad for dealing with this guy and whoever he's 8rought along for the ride.
62525	VRISKA: It's a lesser priority, so I'd recommend an ensem8le of third-stringers.
62526	VRISKA: No offense to whoever those 8rave souls may 8e!
62527	VRISKA: Every lamewad has their place in an epic 8attle, and everyone's effort counts.
62528	VRISKA: Eg8ert-looking kid, I'm looking at you.
62529	JAKE: !
62530	VRISKA: Possi8ly you too, Tavros.
62531	VRISKA: May8e.
62532	TAVROSPRITE: ,!
62533	VRISKA: That covers the overall tactical situ8tion!
62534	VRISKA: Gr8 jo8, Karkat.
62535	VRISKA: Really, just an all around gr8, gr8 jo8. I mean that.
62536	KARKAT: THANK YOU.
62537	VRISKA: Now, listen...
62538	VRISKA: We've got to keep these 8attles spread out across the session so you all don't start tripping on each other's toes, turning this into more of a clusterfuck than it already is.
62539	VRISKA: That means you need to st8tion teams ready to intercept the Jacks wherever they're coming from.
62540	VRISKA: You also need to launch your lightning-strike raid on the Condesce 8efore any of them get here.
62541	VRISKA: As for your party's healer, like I said, she'll need to 8e highly mo8ile.
62542	VRISKA: So what you'll need to do is lay out a network of key portals and transporters so she can make the rounds, and 8e in tight communic8tion with her.
62543	VRISKA: One of you less relevant, more mo8ile folks should get on that now.
62544	VRISKA: See? Scatter window portals like these around the various 8attle sites.
62545	ROXY: yo did you loot my house or something...
62546	VRISKA: Please don't interrupt.
62547	VRISKA: Transportalizers will work too, if you can get them all hooked up right.
62548	VRISKA: This is definitely 8usywork, 8ut it's also really important. So we need someone competent in charge of this.
62549	ROSESPRITE: I think I can handle that.
62550	VRISKA: Yeah?
62551	ROSESPRITE: Yes.
62552	ROSESPRITE: I'm quite mobile in this new form.
62553	ROSESPRITE: Also I think my abilities will help with forecasting the optimal network to lay out, along with helping Jane coordinate her routes during battle.
62554	ROSESPRITE: Plus, I have to admit.
62555	ROSESPRITE: I kind of relish the idea of being a "less relevant" party member.
62556	ROSESPRITE: Particularly since I think it is inherently true now.
62557	VRISKA: Ok, Rose... um. Rosesprite?
62558	VRISKA: That's gr8. You can volunteer for that jo8 if you want.
62559	VRISKA: 8ut let's not get ahead of ourselves!
62560	VRISKA: We'll 8e divvying up the roles momentarily.
62561	VRISKA: 8ut, cool. We have you down for that. Again, it's critical.
62562	VRISKA: The whole party will need to defend Crocker's life at all costs.
62563	VRISKA: She CAN'T get sucked into any com8at!!!
62564	VRISKA: If she dies, you could all 8e fucked.
62565	VRISKA: 8e sure to fill her in on the logistics whenever Arquius has finished deprogramming her.
62566	VRISKA: Everyone got it?
62567	VRISKA: Awesome.
62568	VRISKA: Since that pretty thoroughly covers the full tactical situ8tion, we can move on to the real strategizing.
62569	VRISKA: NOW we can assign com8at roles. ::::)
62570	JOHN: vriska, wait.
62571	VRISKA: ????????
62572	JOHN: before you go on, i just wanted to say...
62573	JOHN: i'm really impressed with your strategic analysis so far!
62574	JOHN: you really seem to be all over this. i wouldn't even know where to begin figuring all this stuff out.
62575	JOHN: anyway, i'm glad we have you back on our side!
62576	VRISKA: Aww, thanks John!
62577	JOHN: just thought i'd say!
62578	JOHN: i didn't want you to go through all this stuff for us, thinking it was going unappreciated.
62579	JOHN: anyway, please continue!
62580	VRISKA: You got it!
62581	VRISKA: Now it's time to divide everyone into teams.
62582	VRISKA: Let's go down the list of foes again, and assign party mem8ers to each 8attle.
62583	VRISKA: Once again, starting from the top...
62584	VRISKA: The Condesce.
62585	VRISKA: We'll need a team to raid Derse again, 8ut this time for all the mar8les.
62586	VRISKA: And remem8er, the raid has to start 8EFORE the rest of the action, to keep her from getting the upper hand.
62587	VRISKA: And the party has to 8e at LEAST good enough to if not defeat her, keep her 8usy for a long time.
62588	VRISKA: So who wants a piece of the sea witch?
62589	ROXY: ME ROSE: ME.
62590	VRISKA: Alright, I've got two takers from the Lalonde camp.
62591	VRISKA: We'll need more though. Who else?
62592	JOHN: i'll go!
62593	VRISKA: You sure, John?
62594	JOHN: i think so.
62595	JOHN: from what you said, it sounds like this is the most important battle.
62596	JOHN: if we don't keep her busy, everything could get messed up.
62597	JOHN: i think i'd be good at that! i can use all my windy powers for distractions and such.
62598	VRISKA: Ok. You're with the Lalondes then.
62599	VRISKA: Make it count!
62600	KANAYA: I May As Well Go Too
62601	KANAYA: It Would Be A Shame If The Party Defeating The Woman Who Terrorized Our Planet For Ages Had No Representation From Our Species
62602	VRISKA: Shame or not, I'm afraid that won't work Kanaya.
62603	KANAYA: Why Not
62604	VRISKA: You can't join their party. Well, not yet at least.
62605	VRISKA: There's another critical role which you specifically need to play first.
62606	VRISKA: We can't risk losing you in 8attle until it's complete.
62607	KANAYA: What Is It
62608	VRISKA: I'll explain l8ter! After the teams are set.
62609	VRISKA: Ok, let's say Team Condesce is good enough for now, with John, Rose and Roxy.
62610	VRISKA: Next foe: Dog Jack.
62611	VRISKA: Like I said, we're 8anking on the prospitian keeping him 8usy, so he's not an immedi8te 8attle priority.
62612	VRISKA: We won't design8 a team for him right now.
62613	VRISKA: 8UT, as I mentioned, in the event Jade wakes up for some reason, she should 8e reserved exclusively for this fight.
62614	VRISKA: That means someone needs to tell her, if not in person, then some other way.
62615	VRISKA: Perhaps leave a reminder for her. May8e tied to her finger or something. :::;)
62616	VRISKA: Others can join the fight against him if need 8e, once their targets have 8een dealt with.
62617	VRISKA: Until then, 8etter to let the heavy hitters keep him in check.
62618	VRISKA: Next: Lord Jack.
62619	VRISKA: Who wants di8s on this guy?
62620	DAVE: i guess thats me
62621	VRISKA: Ok, Dave.
62622	DAVE: there are all these rumors swirling around that ive gotta beat LE anyway
62623	DAVE: which is probably bogus but w/e
62624	DAVE: killing this guy at least would be the next best thing right
62625	DAVE: so maybe if i do that i could like
62626	DAVE: put the "prophecy" to rest
62627	VRISKA: That logic sounds reasona8le to me.
62628	VRISKA: For what it's worth, I never 8ought into the idea that you were supposed to 8e the one to kill English anyway.
62629	VRISKA: So that's one down. Who else?
62630	TEREZI: OK, WHY NOT
62631	VRISKA: You sure, Terezi?
62632	VRISKA: You're not immortal, remem8er. And this one's going to 8e tough.
62633	TEREZI: YOU S41D W3 N33D GOOD F1GHT3RS TO GO 4T TH1S GUY
62634	TEREZI: 4ND 1 TH1NK 1'M PR3TTY D3C3NT
62635	TEREZI: 4T L34ST 4T ST4BB1NG TH1NGS
62636	TEREZI: SO 1'LL GO
62637	TEREZI: B3S1D3S...
62638	TEREZI: *SOM3ON3* H4S TO W1TN3SS D4V3'S H3RO1SM, 1F H3 W4NTS TO B3 L3T OFF TH3 HOOK FOR TH4T PROPH3CY >:]
62639	VRISKA: Hey, it's your decision!
62640	VRISKA: Anyone else?
62641	TEREZI: WH4T 4BOUT D4V3'S BRO?
62642	TEREZI: 1 H34RD H3'S SUPPOS3D TO B3 HOT SH1T
62643	DAVE: um
62644	DAVE: yeah sure
62645	DAVE: thats fine if uh
62646	DAVE: youre comfortable volunteering someone who isnt here for a deadly battle
62647	DAVE: its cool if you want to do that
62648	VRISKA: Dave, come on.
62649	VRISKA: As if it's not extremely likely he'd seek you out upon getting here anyway.
62650	VRISKA: Why don't we just pencil him into the team as "Pro8a8ly"?
62651	DAVE: ...........
62652	VRISKA: Just 8e sure to de8rief him on the whole situation when he gets here.
62653	VRISKA: Think you can handle that, Dave?
62654	VRISKA: Ok, gr8!
62655	VRISKA: Which reminds me...
62656	VRISKA: What a8out you, Arquius?
62657	VRISKA: How do you want to fit into this?
62658	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I haven't decided yet
62659	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I'm going to crunch some more numbers in the vast combat matri% I just compiled now, in the microblink of a nanosecond, to deduce the optimal strategic appropriation of my assets (i.e. muscles)
62660	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Joining Real Dave in battle is semitempting, but I do not wish to horn in on Real Dirk's <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arspritetxt_shit.gif" border="0" />
62661	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Instead I would prefer to blaze my own trail, with my own hooves
62662	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I always wanted to do something really important and heroic
62663	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I mean, aside from all the other stuff I have done like that, which is quite a lot
62664	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> But something quite grandiose, and perfectly unmistakable as a gesture turning the tide of fortune for all of e%istence
62665	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> This is what I have always desired
62666	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Well, that is to say, both halves of me once had such an ambivalent desire, which was compromised by our respective internalized confli%
62667	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> But together, that desire is fully realized. No longer ambivalent
62668	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Neigh, it is now fully bivalent. Perhaps even univalent
62669	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I would like my gesture to shock everyone
62670	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> It must come from out of the b100, make virtually no sense, stun all involved, and have a lasting, profoundly unintelligible impact an all future and pseudofuture events
62671	VRISKA:
62672	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Does this answer your question
62673	VRISKA: Oh!
62674	VRISKA: Sorry, I was just temporarily mesmerized 8y your incredi8le spiel.
62675	VRISKA: Needless to say, I a8solutely agree with your philosophy on heroic action and wanting to do something important.
62676	VRISKA: In any case, you've earned the right to do whatever the fuck you want, just 8y dint of 8eing awesome.
62677	VRISKA: End of story!
62678	VRISKA: Ok, next...
62679	VRISKA: We'll need to design8 a team for Ro8o Jack and his... entourage.
62680	VRISKA: Alright, full disclosure. This is where things get kind of stupid.
62681	VRISKA: Even talking a8out this guy and his crew is pro8a8ly a waste of good tactical analysis.
62682	VRISKA: 8ut the fact is, he's going to 8e here, and you're going to have to deal with his 8ullshit.
62683	VRISKA: I strongly recommend the dregs of your party get stuck with mop-up duty on this.
62684	VRISKA: Really, I'm kind of laughing already. Oh man.
62685	VRISKA: I really don't want to spoil too much fun for you guys, 8ut.
62686	VRISKA: No, I shouldn't.
62687	JOHN: what?
62688	VRISKA: Ok, intelligence reports I have gathered, namely through a 8it of time hopping reconnaissance, suggests that Ro8o Jack may, I repeat MAY, 8e in transit with a 8unch of green time traveling idiots in that oven.
62689	VRISKA: Don't quote me on that.
62690	VRISKA: Anyway, if true, none of these 8ozos are particularly powerful.
62691	VRISKA: They'll mainly just 8e a nuisance.
62692	VRISKA: So who wants to deal with them? Hmmmmmmmm?
62693	VRISKA: Hey kid.
62694	VRISKA: Kid!
62695	VRISKA: Yes, I'm talking to you again.
62696	VRISKA: God damn it, what was his name again?
62697	VRISKA: Joke?
62698	TAVROSPRITE: vRISKA, sTOP,
62699	TAVROSPRITE: iT'S JAPE, aND YOU KNOW IT,
62700	VRISKA: Listen, Joke.
62701	VRISKA: Joke! Snap OUT of it! I'm talking to you.
62702	JAKE: Oh sorry.
62703	VRISKA: This is a strategy session, Joke. Please stay alert.
62704	VRISKA: Now do you think you can handle 8eing on this team?
62705	JAKE: Um...
62706	VRISKA: Awesome. That's the spirit.
62707	VRISKA: This assignment should 8e right up your alley, kid.
62708	VRISKA: Who else?
62709	TAVROSPRITE: mE, i'LL DO IT,
62710	VRISKA: Thanks for volunteering Tavros.
62711	VRISKA: This fight is pretty well suited to your skillset too.
62712	VRISKA: And you can join Joke here to help him get ready, 8ut there's one thing I need you to do 8efore the 8attle starts.
62713	TAVROSPRITE: oH, rEALLY,
62714	TAVROSPRITE: wHAT,
62715	VRISKA: I'll explain to you l8ter in priv8. 8ut it's critical, and something only you can do.
62716	TAVROSPRITE: oHHH!
62717	TAVROSPRITE: tHAT MAKES ME, tHE FUNNY FEELINGS COMBINATION, oF SKEPTICAL, nERVOUS, aND EXCITED,
62718	VRISKA: Good!
62719	VRISKA: That's exactly how you should 8e feeling a8out it, trust me.
62720	VRISKA: So anyone else want to step forward??
62721	KARKAT: ARE YOU FUCKING WITH ME NOW.
62722	VRISKA: Come again?
62723	KARKAT: WELL, LET'S SEE IF I'M TALLYING THIS UP RIGHT.
62724	KARKAT: JOHN AND LALONDES ONE AND TWO ARE ON TEAM CONDESCE.
62725	KARKAT: THE STRIDER BROS AND PYROPE ARE ON THE LORD TEAM.
62726	KARKAT: JADE, WHEN NOT ON NAP DUTY, IS ON THE DOG TEAM, EXCLUSIVELY.
62727	KARKAT: THE MAYOR ISN'T DOING SHIT, BECAUSE I AM *PERSONALLY* SEEING TO IT THAT NOT A SINGLE POST-APOCALYPTIC TATTER ON HIS HEAD GETS HARMED.
62728	KARKAT: CROCKER IS ON HEALING DETAIL, AND LALONDE THREE VOLUNTEERED TO SUPPORT THAT.
62729	KARKAT: KANAYA HAS SOME VAGUE YET TO BE EXPLAINED MISSION TO DO, AND SO DOES TAVROS.
62730	KARKAT: AND JOKE HERE JUST GOT SHUNTED OFF TO THE PEEWEE LEAGUE.
62731	KARKAT: SO WHO THE FUCK IS EVEN LEFT, ASIDE FROM ME???
62732	KARKAT: AND THE FUCKING CAT I GUESS.
62733	KARKAT: ARE YOU SURE WE SHOULDN'T PICK A ROLE FOR ROSE'S FUCKING CAT LUSUS BEFORE MOVING ON TO THE *ABSOLUTE* BOTTOM OF THE BARREL, SOMETIMES REFERRED TO AS "THE VANTAS ZONE"?
62734	VRISKA: Oh, gr8 point Karkat!
62735	VRISKA: Hey there, kitty.
62736	JASPERSPRITE: MEOW!!!!!
62737	VRISKA: What would you like to do?
62738	JASPERSPRITE: I would like to eat some tuna fish and cuddle with either rose or roxy or both! :3
62739	VRISKA: Awwwwwwww!
62740	VRISKA: Ok, that can 8e your very important jo8. Don't let us down!
62741	JASPERSPRITE: Purr purr purr. ;3
62742	KARKAT: THANK GOD WE SORTED THAT OUT.
62743	KARKAT: NOW THAT WE'VE ESTABLISHED THE KITTY CAT IS HEADING UP THE FISH EATING OPERATION, I THINK WE CAN SAFELY PROCEED TO THE RUNG OF STRATEGIC IMPORTANCE DIRECTLY BELOW THAT.
62744	KARKAT: THE INFAMOUS "WHAT IS KARKAT GOING TO DO?" RUNG.
62745	KARKAT: AND SINCE EVERYONE ELSE HAS A JOB, AND MY SKILLS ARE RELATIVELY UNIMPRESSIVE, I'LL HAVE TO SIGN UP FOR TEAM DIPSHIT TOO.
62746	KARKAT: HELL, EVEN THE KID IN THE BANANA HAMMOCK IS A GOD TIER AT LEAST.
62747	KARKAT: SO I GUESS THAT MEANS I'LL BE TAKING ORDERS FROM HIM? SURE WHY NOT!
62748	KARKAT: SECOND IN COMMAND TO A THIRD RATE HERO. SOUNDS ABOUT RIGHT TO ME.
62749	VRISKA: Karkat, yes, you're a8solutely right that you 8asically suck, and that as a tactical resource you should 8e managed accordingly.
62750	VRISKA: 8ut you aren't joining Joke's team, or doing any fighting for that matter.
62751	VRISKA: Like Kanaya, there's another more pressing matter reserved for you.
62752	VRISKA: In fact, it's the same as hers!
62753	KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK?
62754	KARKAT: WHEN WERE YOU PLANNING ON TELLING ME THIS!
62755	VRISKA: Karkat, I already alluded to this when you waltzed over, interrupted my conversation with Kanaya, and pretended you weren't flirting with me.
62756	VRISKA: Remem8er?
62757	KARKAT: OH. RIGHT.
62758	KARKAT: WELL?? WHAT'S THIS "PRESSING MATTER"?
62759	VRISKA: I'm getting to that!
62760	VRISKA: Very soon, in fact. I just needed to get the teams squared away first.
62761	KARKAT: OK WELL...
62762	KARKAT: ARE THEY?!
62763	VRISKA: Looks like it!
62764	KARKAT: SO THAT MEANS JOKE...
62765	KARKAT: FUCK. *JAKE* I MEAN.
62766	KARKAT: REALLY IS A ONE MAN TEAM, DESIGNATED FOR ROBO JACK AND HIS OVEN BOZOS???
62767	VRISKA: Apparently.
62768	VRISKA: You ok with that, kid?
62769	JAKE: UM................
62770	VRISKA: You can do it.
62771	VRISKA: Just 8elieve in yourself, or whatever the fuck.
62772	VRISKA: When in dou8t, just remind yourself that 8attle isn't even particularly important.
62773	VRISKA: And help could 8e on the way once some of the other 8attles start coming to some sort of resolution.
62774	VRISKA: Just hang in there!
62775	JAKE: O... okay.
62776	VRISKA: Excellent!
62777	VRISKA: That concludes the tactical planning part of this de8riefing.
62778	VRISKA: It's all perfectly logical, right?
62779	VRISKA: No questions or anything? Cool.
62780	VRISKA: Really, I shudder to think what you num8skulls would 8e doing if I weren't around, like John just implied with his nice remarks.
62781	VRISKA: He really did you all the 8iggest fucking favor in the history of time shenanigans 8y clo88ering me in the face three years ago.
62782	VRISKA: You should all make him a gift 8asket when this is over to show your gratitude.
62783	VRISKA: No need to thank me of course. I'm just doing my jo8 here. ::::)
62784	VRISKA: Now!
62785	VRISKA: Let's go over some really 8asic non-com8at endgame stuff, then we'll 8e ready to 8r8k.
62786	VRISKA: First, a8out Kanaya and Karkat's "mission" I alluded to a minute ago. This is really important.
62787	VRISKA: You 8oth listening??
62788	KANAYA: Yes
62789	KARKAT: NO.
62790	VRISKA: Ok, well one out of two isn't 8ad. As long as Kanaya understands, that's mainly what matters, since she's the more important part of this equ8tion.
62791	KARKAT: WOW, I'M FUCKING SHOCKED!
62792	KARKAT: WHAT DO WE, OR, EXCUSE ME... WHAT DOES *SHE* HAVE TO DO?
62793	VRISKA: You 8OTH have to go to Jade's planet and see Echidna.
62794	VRISKA: Even though this session is a8out as far from "normal" as it can possi8ly get, the same 8asic rules apply.
62795	VRISKA: Someone needs to seek an audience with her, and get her to agree to release the genesis frog.
62796	VRISKA: Or, the tadpole that grows up to 8ecome the frog, which is the stage of development he's in at this point.
62797	VRISKA: Remem8er, Kanaya? You had to do this on your planet, to get our frog released into Skaia.
62798	KANAYA: Yeah
62799	KANAYA: She Asked Me To Do Something Impossible
62800	KANAYA: To Which I Replied
62801	KANAYA: Thats Impossible
62802	KANAYA: So She Ended Up Demanding That I Fight Her
62803	KANAYA: So I Did
62804	KANAYA: Which
62805	KANAYA: Made Me Feel Sad
62806	KANAYA: Id Rather Not Have To Do That Again
62807	KANAYA: Will I Have To Do That Again
62808	VRISKA: If that's what she wants, then yes.
62809	KANAYA: Why Does It Have To Be Me Though
62810	VRISKA: 8ecause SOMEONE has to!
62811	VRISKA: Sources tell me this is the plan the Condesce had for you, 8efore we derailed all her shit.
62812	KANAYA: You Keep Talking About All These Sources
62813	KANAYA: Who Are All These Sources
62814	KANAYA: Did Arquius Tell You This Too
62815	VRISKA: No! Look, I've 8een 8usy, ok?
62816	VRISKA: Inform8tion is everywhere if you know where to look.
62817	VRISKA: Derse has a lot of agents on the inside who are wise to the old lady's plans.
62818	VRISKA: Shaking the 8ushes for good intel isn't that complic8ted, it just takes a little effort!
62819	VRISKA: Some people on this lily pad should may8e try looking into that some time.
62820	KANAYA: If You Say So
62821	VRISKA: Would you just can...
62822	VRISKA: Would you just put a LID on it for a second, and listen?
62823	VRISKA: Normally Jade would 8e the one to do this, 8ut at the time, Jade had 8ecome corrupted, so I guess Echidna wouldn't deal with her.
62824	VRISKA: And now, Jade's asleep! Which is exactly how she needs to stay.
62825	VRISKA: So that leaves the person Echidna requested in Jade's a8sence, which is you.
62826	VRISKA: I am assuming 8ecause you were also a space player, so you'll 8e a8le to understand her gar8led nonsense language.
62827	VRISKA: 8ut that's not all there is to it. She also requested you 8ring Karkat.
62828	KARKAT: UGH.
62829	KARKAT: WHY THE HELL WOULD SHE WANT TO SEE ME?
62830	VRISKA: No idea!
62831	VRISKA: Denizens are mysteeeeeeeerious.
62832	VRISKA: May8e she wants a knight along? Or a 8lood player?
62833	VRISKA: Or may8e she just has a 8one to pick with you in particular.
62834	VRISKA: You know, since you and Kanaya were 8oth involved in the frog 8reeding stuff in our session, and, let's face it.
62835	VRISKA: You kind of messed that up! You were pretty hasty and reckless a8out it, and the result was a defective frog.
62836	VRISKA: Sure, there's more to it than that. Like pro8lems with the human session that were totally interrel8ted with ours due to cyclical time gar8age, 8ut you get the point.
62837	VRISKA: Echidna pro8a8ly doesn't take kindly to people who are cavalier with the sacred frog duties. That's kind of her domain, like, the propag8tion of existence and all that.
62838	VRISKA: So may8e you've got some stuff to atone for 8efore she agrees to let another precious frog out of her divine custody?
62839	KARKAT: YOU'RE DOING THIS ON PURPOSE, AREN'T YOU.
62840	KARKAT: TRYING TO MAKE ME FEEL BAD ABOUT SOME ANCIENT HISTORY, SO I'LL BE NERVOUS ABOUT THIS ENCOUNTER.
62841	KARKAT: WELL I'LL SPARE YOU THE TROUBLE. I'M ALREADY NERVOUS! I DON'T WANT TO GO PROSTRATE MYSELF BEFORE A BABBLING SNAKE GODDESS EVEN UNDER IDEAL CIRCUMSTANCES.
62842	VRISKA: Karkat, relax.
62843	VRISKA: I am guessing this will just 8e a sort of formality.
62844	VRISKA: That's how things always struck me with her, like... getting the 8lessing from a queen, or some huge mythical matriarch 8efore proceeding with some incredi8ly important event, or claiming a cosmic reward.
62845	VRISKA: Or may8e you'll have to just kill her again? I don't see what difference it makes.
62846	VRISKA: Really, who knows what her real purposes are? They're pro8a8ly totally unfathoma8le.
62847	VRISKA: Echidna is kind of a 8ig Deal Denizen. One of the real heavy hitters, like that other guy... the really strong one with the ridiculous name.
62848	VRISKA: She might even 8e the 8iggest deal. She's the mother of all denizens. I mean, not in a literal sense. Like, I really dou8t she physically spawned them all.
62849	VRISKA: So if she wants you to do something, it's serious. And if you need to do something of massive cosmic significance, like release a frog that contains an entire universe in its 8elly, then 8y the same token, it has to go through her.
62850	VRISKA: The other denizens are a 8unch of petty grum8ling riddle-merchants 8y comparison.
62851	VRISKA: You should feel honored she even wants to see you.
62852	KARKAT: HOW ARE WE EVEN SURE SHE HAS A FROG TO RELEASE??
62853	KARKAT: WHO MADE THIS FROG? THE JOKERS FROM THIS SESSION?
62854	KARKAT: I THOUGHT THEY SPENT MONTHS DOING NOTHING.
62855	VRISKA: It's the same frog Jade made!
62856	VRISKA: With Kanaya's help, remem8er?
62857	VRISKA: Hell, you may have even 8een involved in that process too. I don't recall every single detail.
62858	VRISKA: 8ut it fell in the forge on Jade's planet 8ack in the old session, and now Jade's planet is here.
62859	VRISKA: Hence, the frog is here too. It's just 8een... let's say hi8ern8ting inside the planet for a few years.
62860	VRISKA: Echidna kept it warm for us until we were ready. Which is now!
62861	KARKAT: OK. YEAH, I REMEMBER NOW.
62862	KARKAT: SO THE CONDESCE WAS GOING TO MAKE US DO THIS ORIGINALLY? WHY??
62863	VRISKA: 8ecause her goal was pretty much the same as ours!
62864	VRISKA: To win this game and cre8 a universe.
62865	VRISKA: The 8attle taking place here isn't over WHETHER one will 8e created.
62866	VRISKA: It's over who gets to control it when it's made.
62867	VRISKA: Ideally, that should 8e us, rather than a genocidal fish dict8tor.
62868	VRISKA: In fact, we don't want ANYONE to "control" it.
62869	VRISKA: No8ody should control a universe. That's what 8ad guys try to do.
62870	VRISKA: We just want it to 8e a nice place to live, and free of any controlling influence that will make life misera8le for the people who live there.
62871	VRISKA: Having an attitude a8out the Ultim8 Reward that differs from that in any way was just ANOTHER thing we fucked up the first time around.
62872	VRISKA: So let's just 8e clear on what we're fighting for here.
62873	VRISKA: Got it?!
62874	KARKAT: ...
62875	KARKAT: YEAH
62876	KARKAT: YOU'VE MADE YOUR POINT.
62877	VRISKA: Next item:
62878	VRISKA: Earth!!!!!!!!
62879	VRISKA: When you enter the new universe, you're going to need a planet to live on.
62880	VRISKA: Why not just resettle the one you all grew up on?
62881	VRISKA: The Condesce kind of fucked it up though.
62882	VRISKA: In your scratched universe, she spent a few centuries getting it ready for a new troll "paradise".
62883	VRISKA: She flooded the whole thing. So when you get there, you'll need to skip ahead to some time far in the future, when the oceans have receded.
62884	VRISKA: Should 8e liva8le 8y then. Hell, it may even 8e a pretty nice place!
62885	VRISKA: Here John. Take this.
62886	VRISKA: When the 8attle is over, make sure you give it to Jade.
62887	JOHN: what is it?
62888	VRISKA: It's Earth!
62889	VRISKA: Remem8er how three years ago you told Terezi we needed your wallet, 8ut you didn't have it?
62890	VRISKA: Well in the time since, we talked a8out it a lot, and figured this was most likely the reason she told you to give it to us.
62891	VRISKA: It wasn't a 8ig deal, actually.
62892	VRISKA: We spent some time deciphering the code for your wallet. It took a little while, and a few lucky guesses on the code digits, 8ut we eventually got there.
62893	VRISKA: Then I just used it to upgrade my much cooler 8 8all modus.
62894	JOHN: you hacked my dad's wallet??
62895	VRISKA: Sure. Like I said, we had some time on our hands.
62896	VRISKA: It is after all just a fucking wallet. It's not like it's some legendary item he got on some mythical dad quest.
62897	VRISKA: I mean, he did 8UY the thing somewhere, right?
62898	JOHN: um. yeah, i guess so.
62899	JOHN: i dunno.
62900	JOHN: i still think it's a pretty special thing.
62901	VRISKA: Nope!
62902	VRISKA: Sorry to 8e the 8earer of 8ad news. It is literally... just a wallet.
62903	VRISKA: Anyway.
62904	VRISKA: Then, 8efore I did the scouting work on this session, I rode the meteor through the g8, watched it crash on Earth, then just captchalogued the whole damn thing and got out of there.
62905	VRISKA: No sweat!
62906	VRISKA: Presuma8ly like Grim8ark Jade was supposed to, if she wasn't asleep.
62907	VRISKA: Again, it was a pretty good plan, she just never saw me coming.
62908	VRISKA: Sorry Condy, if you want your waterlogged little glo8e 8ack, you'll have to pry it from John's dead hands now.
62909	JOHN: er.
62910	JOHN: ...yeah.
62911	VRISKA: Those are the important things to remem8er.
62912	VRISKA: 8ut don't forget the 8asics.
62913	VRISKA: Remem8er to finish 8uilding up your hives as far as they'll go.
62914	VRISKA: Then deploy the grist rigs which will disperse your planets' hoards into Skaia, giving it the nutrients it needs to mature the frog.
62915	VRISKA: This is Sgru8 101 stuff, 8ut I guess it 8ears repeating since most of you have never actually made it this far.
62916	VRISKA: When the hoards are empty and Skaia is ready, then all you have to do is make sure someone's in position to ignite the forge.
62917	VRISKA: Then everyone rendezvous right 8ack here on the lily pad to claim the Ultim8 Reward.
62918	VRISKA: Which is represented 8y the hive shape thingy with a door on it that leads to the new universe.
62919	VRISKA: Any questions 8efore we kick this into action?
62920	JOHN: yes, i have one.
62921	JOHN: vriska, what's YOUR part in all this, aside from making all these air tight plans?
62922	JOHN: you've been making it sound like you won't be here when all this happens!
62923	VRISKA: Of course I won't.
62924	VRISKA: I'll 8e off doing something much more important than all this.
62925	VRISKA: I'm traveling to the furthest ring to go kill Lord English.
62926	JOHN: WHAT??
62927	JOHN: wow.
62928	JOHN: isn't that going to be, uh...
62929	JOHN: hard?
62930	VRISKA: Of course it will 8e.
62931	JOHN: are you sure you can even...
62932	JOHN: DO that?
62933	JOHN: like, by yourself, i mean.
62934	VRISKA: John, I'm not an idiot. I won't 8e diving into this 8lindly.
62935	VRISKA: See, somewhere out there in the incomprehensi8le causal-stew of the furthest ring, there was once a plan that was coming together to defeat him once and for all.
62936	VRISKA: It involved a secret weapon, an army, and all sorts of other shenanigans.
62937	JOHN: yeah, this...
62938	JOHN: sounds weirdly familiar.
62939	VRISKA: Oh, I'm sure it does.
62940	VRISKA: 8ut the point is, along the way, that plan stalled out.
62941	VRISKA: It went nowhere 8ecause the party involved disintegr8ted and lost their way.
62942	VRISKA: So someone needs to light a fire under that shit again, and I don't see anyone else stepping forward.
62943	JOHN: how are you going to do that?
62944	VRISKA: Let me worry a8out that.
62945	VRISKA: You have your hands full enough as it is.
62946	JOHN: so, is...
62947	JOHN: is that it?
62948	JOHN: is that the end of this cool strategy jam, slash fun reunion?
62949	VRISKA: That's it!!!!!!!!
62950	VRISKA: That's the whole situ8tion, my whole plan, and everything you need to do.
62951	VRISKA: Good luck everyone!
62952	TEREZI: *HUM4N "GOLF" CL4P*
62953	VRISKA: Thanks, Pyrope!
62954	KARKAT: ALRIGHT, SO WHAT NOW?
62955	KARKAT: KANAYA, I GUESS WE HEAD TO, WHAT WAS IT?
62956	KARKAT: LOJADE?
62957	KARKAT: LIKE RIGHT NOW? SINCE I GUESS THE CLOCK IS TICKING.
62958	KANAYA: Lofaf
62959	KANAYA: And Yes
62960	JOHN: right. and we're supposed to go after the condensce really soon, too. right?
62961	ROSE: Condesce.
62962	ROSE: And yes.
62963	JOHN: but not like... RIGHT away? there are still a couple hours for us to prepare.
62964	JOHN: which we should use! to come up with a fighting strategy.
62965	ROXY: yeah!!!
62966	JOHN: i wish jade and nanna could be awake for this.
62967	JOHN: i really want to talk to them, and let them in on all the cool stuff we're about to do.
62968	JOHN: i guess they have to stay asleep for a while, though. oh well.
62969	JOHN: hey, jake!
62970	JAKE: Huh?
62971	JOHN: want to come make plans with us?
62972	JOHN: we can help you figure out how to deal with robot jack, and whatever hooligans he is bringing!
62973	JAKE: Oh!
62974	JAKE: Yes.
62975	JAKE: Thanks john.
62976	JAKE: May... maybe.
62977	JOHN: ok!
62978	TEREZI: H3Y D4V3
62979	TEREZI: W3 SHOULD PROB4BLY WORK OUT 4 F1GHT1NG STR4T3GY TOO
62980	TEREZI: S1NC3 1T SOUNDS L1K3 W3'V3 GOT 4 R34L N4STY ON3 TO D34L W1TH >:]
62981	DAVE: yeah
62982	DAVE: but
62983	TEREZI: WH4T
62984	DAVE: dunno
62985	DAVE: it feels weird to make some battleplans when one of our team members still isnt here
62986	TEREZI: W3LL, 1 TH1NK W3 C4N 4T L34ST OUTL1N3 TH3 STR4T3GY, R1GHT?
62987	TEREZI: F1GUR3 OUT HOW W3'LL 4PPRO4CH 4 V1LL41N W1TH H1S P4RT1CUL4R STR3NGTHS 4ND W34KN3SS3S
62988	TEREZI: 4ND 4SSUM3 OUR TH1RD M3MB3R W1LL B3 R34DY TO F1GHT 1F W3 T3LL H1M TO
62989	DAVE: yeah you know im sure if teen hardass strider shows up with his sword and shades and shit and we say
62990	DAVE: hey dude look bad guy go kill
62991	DAVE: im sure the guy will be more than willing to oblige
62992	DAVE: its just
62993	DAVE: man
62994	TEREZI: WH4T!
62995	DAVE: it feels wrong
62996	DAVE: planning "around" him
62997	DAVE: like hes a weird hypothetical battle mannequin
62998	TEREZI: FROM TH3 TH1NGS 1 H4V3 H34RD 4BOUT H1M, FROM YOUR OWN P3RSON4L MOUTH
62999	TEREZI: TH4T 4CTU4LLY SOUNDS L1K3 4 PR3TTY 4PT D3SCR1PT1ON TO M3
63000	DAVE: no!
63001	DAVE: its
63002	DAVE: its more complicated than that
63003	DAVE: and im supposed to...
63004	DAVE: be getting ready for this huge deadly battle which is SO much more intense than anything i ever did
63005	DAVE: even like 3 years ago back when i was actually doing adventure shit instead of watching dane cook movies
63006	DAVE: and somehow be all geared up for that
63007	DAVE: AND meet my teen bro for the first time
63008	DAVE: and say oh there you are thats cool
63009	DAVE: lets fight this random nigh indestructible asshole
63010	DAVE: and then
63011	DAVE: hug bump or something?
63012	DAVE: how do i deal with all this
63013	DAVE: i think i could end up getting us all killed and none of you are taking this seriously
63014	VRISKA: Ok Strider, I've heard enough.
63015	DAVE: ??
63016	VRISKA: I have 8een more than patient, and more than accommod8ting.
63017	VRISKA: 8ut your hangups regarding your ancestor are starting to 8order on pathetic.
63018	KARKAT: HEY!
63019	KARKAT: WHY DON'T YOU CAN IT.
63020	VRISKA: Karkat, stay out of this.
63021	KARKAT: NO, I WON'T.
63022	KARKAT: NOT IF YOU ARE GOING TO START TRASHING PEOPLE WITH RESPECT TO THEIR SENSITIVE ISSUES IN A MANNER THAT IS *WAY* OVER THE LINE AS FAR AS THE BASIC GROUND RULES OF GOOD NATURED SHIT TALKING GOES, GROUND RULES ON WHICH I *HAPPEN* TO BE AN EXPERT.
63023	KARKAT: EITHER MAKE SURE YOUR TRASH MOUTHED INVECTIVE IS CRITICALLY CONSTRUCTIVE, OR SHUT UP!
63024	VRISKA: Who said I wasn't 8eing constructive?!
63025	VRISKA: God.
63026	VRISKA: I cut him all the slack in the world on this, 8ut I can see it isn't doing him, or any of us, any good at all.
63027	VRISKA: I can see I'm going to have to expedite matters.
63028	VRISKA: Go figure. Leave it all to Vriska, ONCE AGAIN.
63029	DAVE: what
63030	DAVE: what the fuck are you even going to do
63031	VRISKA: I told you.
63032	VRISKA: I'm expediting matters.
63033	VRISKA: There you go!
63034	VRISKA: Strider, meet Strider.
63035	VRISKA: He's pretty fucked up, 8ut pro8a8ly a nice guy once you get to know him.
63036	VRISKA: Which one am I talking a8out, you ask? Who knows!
63037	VRISKA: Feeling awkward yet? Here's an idea.
63038	VRISKA: Get the fuck over it.
63039	VRISKA: Ok guys, I'm out of here.
63040	VRISKA: I'm not sure I can take another second of this.
63041	JOHN: jeez vriska, are they really that bad?
63042	VRISKA: Who, the Striders? No, they're fine.
63043	VRISKA: That's not what I was talking a8out.
63044	VRISKA: There's another pro8lem out there in paradox space which I can't stand for.
63045	VRISKA: Not another moment. In fact, it makes me shudder just thinking a8out this lingering flaw which has yet to 8e rectified.
63046	JOHN: oh.
63047	JOHN: what is it?
63048	VRISKA: My ghost is 8eing a
63049	<.img src="http://mspaintadventures.com/scraps2/vris_fuckingloser.gif" border="0" />
63050	JANE: I hope I don't sound like too much of a dream bubble novice, but,
63051	JANE: Now that we've remembered we're asleep, how do we...
63052	JANE: Wake up?
63053	JADE: good question
63054	JADE: i have no idea!
63055	JANE: I mean, not that I haven't had a wonderful time recording our stories here with you both.
63056	JANE: But maybe we should return to our friends soon.
63057	JANE: What if they need our help?
63058	CALLIOPE: obvioUsly i have enjoyed yoUr company more than i can say.
63059	CALLIOPE: bUt yoU're right. yoU cannot stay here forever.
63060	CALLIOPE: yoUr friends need yoU. so i will wake yoU Up.
63061	JADE: wait...
63062	JADE: you can do that??
63063	CALLIOPE: ^u^
63064	JADE: wow!!!
63065	JADE: ok then i guess that settles that
63066	JADE: but before we go...
63067	JADE: i just want to say, in case we never get another chance to...
63068	JADE: what the
63069	JANE: Huh?
63070	JADE: something is happening
63071	CALLIOPE: :u
63072	JADE: i know this place
63073	JANE: Where are we?
63074	JADE: its echidnas lair
63075	JADE: or my memory of it at least
63076	JADE: or possibly...
63077	JADE: someone elses?
63078	JADE: jane??
63079	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Abra cafiddling dabra you silly shootnerds
63080	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> My e%ceedingly STRONG work as the party's premier bodybuilding hacker is done
63081	ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Off I go
63082	JANE: ...
63083	ROXY: JANE!!!!!
63084	ROXY: ur wake!
63085	JANE: Roxy?????
63086	JANE: U'r alive!
63087	JANE: Er, you're!
63088	ROXY: so are you!
63089	ROXY: you were dead last time i saw you and also before i found u sleepin here but now ur awake and also alive!
63090	JANE: Yeah!
63091	JANE: You were dead too, because I...
63092	JANE: But now you're??
63093	JANE: Oh god, Roxy, I'm so sorry I,
63094	JANE: I wasn't thinking straight when...
63095	JANE: Please forgive me. :(
63096	ROXY: aw janey you dont gotta worry about whatever sad incident that frowns about
63097	ROXY: thats all water under a bridge from a reality i got no recollection of and therefore dont matter at all
63098	ROXY: by which i mean......
63099	ROXY: this reality here, so ok the reality is still KIND of relevant because we are literally inside of it atm
63100	ROXY: but im new here!
63101	ROXY: i came over to keep being roxy since the old one died or whatever thru hecka debacles
63102	JANE: That... is quite an explanation!
63103	JANE: Jeez, I missed you.
63104	ROXY: cmere u extravagant bitch!!!
63105	JANE: Hahah!
63106	JANE: (Wait... what?)
63107	JOHN: the hug pile doesn't stop from getting taller.
63108	ROSE: ?
63109	JOHN: the hug pile! there are more hugs, rose.
63110	ROSE: I can see the hugs. I don't understand the pile thing.
63111	JOHN: oh. don't you remember?
63112	JOHN: a funny quote from one of dave's old comics!
63113	ROSE: Ah. Yes, vaguely.
63114	ROSE: It's been a long journey, John.
63115	ROSE: I believe one of the most valuable lessons that comes with growing up is gaining the wisdom that gently informs you when it's time to retire a meme.
63116	JOHN: heh...
63117	JOHN: i guess i never earned that handy badge, or whatever.
63118	JOHN: i like this, though. every time someone wakes up, or pops out of nowhere, it's fun times all over again.
63119	JOHN: i feel like i should be playing reunion bingo.
63120	JOHN: who will be next??
63121	JOHN: my money is on the long awaited and insanely poignant reunion between me and casey the salamander.
63122	ROSE: Surely you mean the dear Viceroy Bubbles Von Salamancer, right?
63123	ROSE: And instead of you, you mean me.
63124	ROSE: That's when the real tears will flow.
63125	JOHN: what do you think she's up to?
63126	ROSE: He.
63127	JOHN: no, she is my beautiful daughter. :p
63128	ROSESPRITE: Something tells me the good Viceroy has been busy.
63129	ROSE: Oh?
63130	ROSESPRITE: I sense he's been... scheming.
63131	ROSESPRITE: Plotting.
63132	ROSESPRITE: Biding his time.
63133	ROSESPRITE: Accruing dark legions.
63134	ROSE: That sure is a thing that would be dumb, if true.
63135	ROSESPRITE: Yeah.
63136	JOHN: hi nanna!
63137	JOHN: jane, i mean.
63138	JOHN: sorry, it's an easy mistake to make, because you're my nanna!
63139	ROXY: lol
63140	ROXY: real smooth shit john
63141	JANE: Hello!
63142	JANE: A pleasure to meet you, John. Or, poppop, as I used to know you.
63143	JOHN: hehe, yeah so i heard!
63144	JANE: You look so...
63145	JANE: Young.
63146	JOHN: thanks!
63147	JOHN: so do you.
63148	JOHN: my nanna, who used to be ashes on my fireplace, regained her old womanly visage when i turned her into a sprite, and she helped me along the way.
63149	JOHN: so nanna is a sprite! did you know that?
63150	JANE: Um... no?
63151	JOHN: i thought you should know that. she's probably around somewhere. i hope you can meet her.
63152	JOHN: oh, also, i'm your son technically. did you know that??
63153	JANE: Yes.
63154	JANE: It is... a pretty strange fact!
63155	JANE: But also pretty cool.
63156	JOHN: yup!
63157	ROXY: ooh jane thats my daughter there say hi to her!!!
63158	JANE: Hi!
63159	ROSE: Hi, John's hot mom.
63160	ROSE: (Aw shit.)
63161	JANE: Haha...?
63162	ROXY: also thats umm ANOTHER version of rose who died and then i buried and a stupid cat unburied her for some reason and prototyped her
63163	ROXY: so say hello to my cool floaty double daughter!
63164	JANE: Hi, Roxy's hot double daughter.
63165	ROSESPRITE: :D
63166	ROSESPRITE: (Rose Prime, I believe you may have just been owned.)
63167	ROSE: (God damn Dave's contagious-ass Freudian boners.)
63168	JANE: Wow, I feel so out of the loop! Sorry if I still seem disoriented from my... nap, I suppose it was?
63169	JANE: Or impromptu troll-coma.
63170	JANE: Roxy, you have to clue me in on what happened here! Where are Dirk and Jake?
63171	JANE: And for that matter, John, where are your other friends? Oh, Jade! Where is she? Is she still asleep?
63172	ROXY: hey janey that is all like a lot of stuff to say and everything goin on here is faaairly complicated and heavily peopled
63173	ROXY: dont worry ill ease you into comprehending shit again ;)
63174	ROXY: well ok cliff notes are: jake fucked off somewhere and dirk recently fucked off BACK here through a window but he left again pretty quick...
63175	ROXY: dave went with dirk at wherever their fucking off too now, i think to get ready for some swords fightin, and yeah jade is still asleep but a coupla trolls lugged her off somewhere safe for now
63176	ROXY: the REST of the junk im still sorting out myself bcs like i said im new to this exact plane of shenanigans
63177	JANE: Yes, you mentioned that.
63178	JANE: I still don't know what you meant by...
63179	JANE: Wait!
63180	JANE: You and John came from another reality, where everything went horribly, right?
63181	ROXY: m-hmmm!
63182	JANE: I just remembered. Really, it's been such a rollercoaster ride for my memory, since I fell asleep.
63183	JANE: Your and John's travels were a critical part of the illustrated story we reconstructed through our memories with Callie.
63184	ROXY: wat!
63185	ROXY: you saw callie in your dreams????
63186	JANE: I did!
63187	ROXY: hoh man
63188	ROXY: how is she!
63189	ROXY: i saw her in a dream a little while ago and we talked about lots of stuff
63190	ROXY: she looked like a troll then
63191	JANE: Yes, her trollsona! She had hers on when I saw her.
63192	JANE: And we had ours on too!
63193	ROXY: :O FUCK
63194	JANE: She seemed to be doing well.
63195	JANE: Nervous, of course, since she was hiding. But we passed the time with our stories.
63196	JANE: It was a lot of fun! I'm so happy I got to meet her.
63197	JANE: I wonder if I'll ever get the chance again?
63198	ROXY: wellll...
63199	ROXY: now that u mention it
63200	ROXY: it IS one of my chief objectives to go lookin for her asap
63201	ROXY: aaand not to be THAT ROGUE n brag all heavy but i MAY be in better touch with my void powers now
63202	ROXY: soo maybe i stand a p good chance of trackin her down?
63203	ROXY: cus i GOT somethin for her
63204	JANE: You do?? What? :B
63205	ROXY: just a lil presie, nbd
63206	JANE: ...
63207	JANE: I see.
63208	ROXY: JK IT IS CRUCIAL FUKKIN BLING JANEY
63209	ROXY: ONE (1) PRICELESS DIGIT DONUT!!!
63210	ROXY: W/ MORE KARATS THAN A RABBIT TOO FAT FOR A HOLE
63211	ROXY: (s'magic to)
63212	JANE: WOW!!!!!!!!!!
63213	JANE: Ahem, so,
63214	JANE: You mean a ring, then.
63215	JOHN: yeah!
63216	JOHN: oh man, that's a great idea roxy.
63217	JOHN: you should try and give it to her as soon as you can!
63218	JOHN: then maybe we can all meet her before we ramp up for this battle?
63219	ROXY: hmm yeh!
63220	ROXY: u think i can do it?
63221	JOHN: sure!
63222	ROSE: I like your chances too.
63223	ROSESPRITE: Same!
63224	JASPERSPRITE: Me too roxy! :3
63225	ROSE: I also have some experience helping people along in the right direction, when it comes to navigating the abyss.
63226	ROSE: Maybe I could assist?
63227	ROXY: yeah maybe!
63228	ROSESPRITE: I'm pretty sure I have experience performing literally the exact same task, in a slightly different context.
63229	ROSESPRITE: So maybe I can double assist?
63230	JOHN: see roxy? everyone thinks you should do it, because they all believe in you.
63231	JANE: That's right!
63232	ROXY: shucks fuckers ._.
63233	ROXY: yall killin me here <3
63234	JASPERSPRITE: Meow im so happy!
63235	ROXY: frigglish u silly bastard whats up?
63236	JASPERSPRITE: Purr purr purr...
63237	JASPERSPRITE: All the humans being so close together and happy and friendly purr purr.
63238	JASPERSPRITE: Its making me really excited and happy too and making me feel like i want to be a part of everything!
63239	JASPERSPRITE: Purr purr and get close to a nearby person and be happy at them with my body purrrr...
63240	ROSESPRITE: Jaspers, what are you...
63241	JASPERSPRITE: I cant help it rose i want to cuddle im feeling so pleased and friendly! :3 :3 :3
63242	ROSESPRITE: Jaspers, no,
63243	ROSESPRITE: No, don't!
63244	ROSESPRITE: JASPERS, NOOOOO!
63245	JASPERSPRITE: :3 purrrrrrr
63246	JASPROSESPRITE^2: Meow meow motherfuckers.
63247	ROXY: why is everything always so wonderful
63248	CALLIOPE: welcome back, jade.
63249	CALLIOPE: come toward me.